#I DONT CARE IF ITS ALMOST 4 AM I NEED THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT I LOVE MIN!!!!!!!

[sunriseindigo]

i love min jeung …,,,…..,,……., :(

[fipindustries]

bojack horse bad again

you know, i was thinking back to this show again, i watched three seasons of it and that was all that i could tomach and you know what? no.

i dont accept it

i dont care, it was a bad show, it was an objectively bad show and i dont accept that everyone else decided that it was good, i dont care, it was a bad show and im going to tell you why.

emotional terrorism

maybe im a simpleton but i am someone who cares quite a lot about catharsis in my stories. this show refused to grant that, adamantly and violently. im not saying i need a happy ending, i am more than capable of enjoying bittersweet or even tragic stories, but i need a sense of completeness, some satisfaction, some release, some sense that things matter or meant something. this show insisted on refusing to give that. all this show was interested in was get an emotional reaction out of you. it was the emotional equivalent of a jump scare. it was convinced that if it made you feel bad enough people would confuse that with beeing powerful and deep. you could get the same reaction by walking up to someone on the street and kicking them in the nuts. and it would take about as much subtlety or artistry.

2. writer led rather than animator led

you could tell this was one of those shows that were made on the writer's room, not by storyboarders or artists, by "comedians". by people with english degrees. so many scenes of characters just standing around and talking. so many "jokes" that were clearly meant to be funny as something you read on a piece of paper or on a tweet and chuckle as you read it but as animation it just gave limp, stagnant scenes. so much dialog that were references and quips and puns and fast witticisms of the type you come up in the shower when thinking of clever comebacks.

there were so many fucking scenes where everything would stop and a character would launch on some stupid profound monologue about life and philosophy and psychology and relationships. it was like the writers were trying on for size paragraphs of their future memoirs or self help books. so much dialog that was begging for an award for writing. so many "mic drop" moments that were designed to be quoted. i find that the best writing is not the one that you can just quote out of context as a cool pithy phrase. a lot of the best writing ive seen in my life is meaningless when devoid of context, is inextricable of the scene and indeed of the entire story surrounding it but in here i can almost see the seams where the writers look at the camera waiting to see if you are impressed

3. inconsistent tone

this show wanted to eat its cake and then still have it. there are stories that manage to deftly weave in and out of comedic moments into serious moments. everything everywhere all at once does an amazing job jumping from the stupidest, most childish jokes into the most profound commentary about human nature, sometimes doing both at the same time and it worked, one didint cheapen the other.

in here though, it wanted to both have a completly absurd world with the stupidest characters ever and then somehow make us care for it all as if the show hadnt shot itself in the foot. it wanted us to see caroline being in love with what is clearly three children in a trenchcoat and then take her seriously as an adult, to treat any forther relationship drama she has as if it werent completly farcical.

4. ugly animation

it continued the blight that is take over adult animation by doing that disgusting repugnant paper puppet rigged interpolated quasi flash animation that only gives you stiff poses and movements and incredibly boring shots of characters standing in 3/4 perspective in front of the camera. it dull and flat and clunky and ugly, and the character designs were ugly. the noses were ugly and the mouths were ugly and the hairs were ugly and the eyes were ugly. it was all ugly. the backgrounds were fucking ugly and the colors were ugly and it was an ugly show to look at. unbearably so. and even the obligatory "weird" stylized scenes put in to shake things off and try to pretend that it was visually interesting (for like one scene per season) were also fucking ugly.

5. it had not interesting point to make

all it could do was insist and belavor and extemporize about how this one guy sucks and also most people kind of suck but specifically this one guy really sucks and he is not going to get better, or maybe he will? eh maybe, but not really, because he sucks. and we are going to make you like him because we are the writers and we are going to make him relatable and charismatic and sympathetic but actually no he sucks, you fell for it! and what does it say about you that you almost kind of liked him eh????. season after season of him, and in case you almost found anything redeemable about him, we are going to make him even worse, painfully unsubtly so, we are going to make him look at the camera and say that he sucks, because that is the level of nuance we think you can handle, dear viewer. this is called "self aware writing" and its postmodern and meta, which means its clever.

i fucking hate this show and the more i think about it the angrier it makes me, and what makes me more angriest of all is that people like it. its popular. it won awards i think. its largely recognized as a good show and its not! it sucks and its bad and if you like it you are stupid.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Undercover (part 4)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: Am I really that bad?

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 1411

A/n: I AM FINALLY BACK WITH UNDERCOVER YALLL WOOHOOOO 🥳🥳🥳

i dont know why, but everytime there is a fic i dont write for a long time, i have the most fun writing😭 i am so happy and satisfied with this, and i hope you like it too 🥹

also, im just gonna say, this is the series that will be my main focus for now, so you will get updates more sooner until its finished hehe 🤭❣️

ANYWAYSSSSSSSS, ENJOYYYY 🥳🥳🥳

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

The women’s barracks made Y/n grateful for the room she had at Omega point.

It was not that the barracks were unclean or anything. Quite the opposite. They were a little too clean. Almost sterile. And while Y/n did not mind the sterileness of the place too much, she did wish for the touch of home her room had, with her worn clothes dumped onto the chair she rarely used, the empty can of food on her nightstand, the small duckling plush her father had gifted her when she was three that barely was holding itself together at the seams-

She still had that duckling stashed at the back of her suitcase.

The main problem she had with the barracks was that they ended any illusion of privacy she had at Omega point. Sure, she knew the wooden door hiding her room away from the world did not do its job, sounds penetrating through the barely there excuse for protection. But at least it was there.

There, she did not have to smell other soldiers’ sweat, she did not have to share a bunk with them, she did not have to plug her ears with her fingers because some of them wouldn’t stop talking, even well into the night.

The only good thing out of this mission was the warm food they provided. That was the only thing Y/n looked forward to in her every moment spent in misery.

Of course, her fellow undercover soldier was a comfort.

Sarcastic. That was sarcastic.

Y/n did not understand what his problem with her was. Even now, when the two only saw each other during training, he would shoot her sneers and dirty looks when he thought she wasn’t looking.

What does he think of himself?

Y/n wondered if he thought she wasn’t paying attention to him. It was a constant thought prickling the back of her mind. Did he really think she was so bad for this mission? Did he think she knew nothing of how to spy?

She was better than him, for god’s sake.

Despite her constant reassurances to herself that she was good, she couldn’t help but wonder. Was she bad? Was there a reason Castle had picked her as a last resort for this mission?

Obviously, he wouldn’t dislike her without cause. Would he?

"Miss Y/n."

Y/n shot up from the top of the bunk she was sharing with the soldier he had not cared to know the name of, eyes zeroing in on the guard that was glancing around the room in search of her.

"Yes?"

His eyes shifted towards her voice, nodding. "Captain Sanders has summoned you."

Y/n’s brows furrowed, and she hurried to grab her jacket to throw over her thin undershirt. "At this hour?"

He shrugged at her. "I am but a messenger."

Y/n pondered over it as she followed him out of the barracks, ignoring the curious gazes following her. "Did she at least mention why she needed me?"

He shook his head. "No."

The guard walked away from the rooms higher officers occupied, instead leading her out of a back door and through a long patch of grass towards a dilapidated building.

Finally, after walking for long minutes during which nerves churned in Y/n’s gut, he stopped in front of a door. The walls like they would crumble the moment the wind blew stronger, the door looking worse than her bedroom door back home.

Is it home if it never provided warmth?

Shaking her head to get rid of those thoughts, Y/n focused back on the guard, who turned to look at her for a moment before he dipped his head in a nod.

"Kishimoto is waiting for you."

Y/n turned away, then whipped her head back to him.

"What?"

His lips tilted to one side. "What? Go on. Hurry before someone catches you two."

Y/n blinked, staring at him for a moment, trying to remember if she knew the man before she walked inside the room.

Kenji sat in front of a broken window, eyes fixed on a point in the distance.

"Kishimoto? Who was that guy?"

Kenji sighed, shaking his head in what seemed an awful lot like disappointment. "Do you ever listen? Castle had mentioned it."

Y/n’s brows furrowed. "No he didn’t."

"He did."

"Look, I might have been mad at the time, but I remember every single word he uttered."

Kenji looked at her like she had lost her mind but didn’t comment on it further. That look made her wonder if she really had.

Did Castle mention it? Y/n had always been a good listener. She would have remembered, right?

Maybe I am bad at this after all. I should have known.

"Whatever. He’s an old undercover. He’s been working here for over a year now." He shook his head again, taking a step closer to Y/n. "I don’t even know why I expected better from you, considering you’ve always been an ungrateful brat."

Y/n stiffened, eyes narrowing as her heart beat painfully in her chest that felt too hollow to be normal. She wrapped her arms across her chest, glaring at him. The action had always felt vaguely comforting, like she could physically protect her heart from the harsh words of the people that surrounded her.

"I am really hoping you did not just invite me here in the middle of the night to berate me and lecture me about how ungrateful and useless I am and how everyone is just wasting resources on me to keep me alive for no reason."

Kenji returned her glare in equal measure. "I did not say that."

Y/n scoffed. "Sure. Why did you call me?"

Kenji watched Y/n quietly for a moment, then sighed. "I received a missive from Castle some time ago on how to proceed."

Y/n straightened, shoving her hands into her pockets. "And?"

"He wants us to mingle, try to get as much information as possible from fellow soldiers."

Y/n nodded. "Okay."

Kenji raised a brow. "That’s all you got to say? No oh how will I survive the torture or go to hell or why me or-"

"Is that all he said in the missive?" Y/n muttered, trying to not lash out at the condescending tone of his voice.

He snorted. "That’s all. At least, that’s what I was supposed to tell you. He told me to keep the more important stuff for myself, considering you would probably babble to the first person who is willing to listen and blow our cover."

Y/n blinked.

Do they think I will betray them?

Sure, Y/n might be very cold towards Castle and Kenji, but she would never purposefully leak important information that might one day endanger Omega point and its residents. She did not dislike the residents, after all. She loved them. Most of them, if not all, were survivors like her. People who did not have shelter and food to fill their bellies at times of war begging for a roof over their heads.

She adored the older ladies who told stories to entertain the younger ones. She loved the young children who always insisted Y/n play with them, giggling happily when she agreed. She loved the older men who reminded her of her dad, their fatherly grins and their touch on her head when she did something for them, blessing her for her heart.

Did she really give the impression she did not care?

"Hey, Y/n?"

Kenji’s voice broke Y/n’s thought process, and she flicked her eyes up at him, surprised to find a trace of concern intertwined with his voice.

"Are you okay?"

Y/n blinked a couple of times to clear her head, grateful for the darkness outside and the lack of light inside the house. She was sure Kenji wouldn’t have seen the tears gathering at her waterline.

Even if he did though, Y/n doubted he would really care.

"I’m leaving."

"Y/n listen-"

But Y/n had already turned away, opening the door barely holding onto its hinges and walked out. The guard still stood there, his eyes trained on her face as she jerked her chin at him to ask him to lead the way.

She was too tired to speak.

And too emotional for her voice to not break if she did.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

permanent taglist: @berryzxx @serenescureforboredom @cassie6392 @harrystylesfan2686

Shatter Me Taglist: @dahliawarner @berryzxx @mrsjna @yucanbmylxdy @lemon-lav @sheisntyou @kitkatlover015 @dnfhascorruptedme

Kenji Kishimoto Taglist: @kennedy-brooke @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @aaaaaaakenjikishimoto

Undercover Taglist: @lady-of-tearshed

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Sup, mara.

You mentioned suspecting that you are autistic [i read it a long time ago; dont even remember where]

Do you know how to get rid of the "have-to-label-myself" mindset?

I have spent the last year or so wondering whether i have [insert the term] instead of [insert my diagnosis], and it's making me insane (˚☐˚”)/i feel like its a retardation spell for my creativity, almost

hi anonymous;

i can:t answer it for you, but i live according to Etiquette dictated by faith--if you want a lame example of this, do the dead opposite of what Suema suggest in episode 6 of Boogiepop and Others regarding the need of a person to resist the Imaginator, and how we must perform a life-long struggle to resist the Imaginator that does our thinking for us: I became an anti-intellectual, who lets the Imaginator do my thinking for me;

I do not let myself think using those terms and actively resist (like I were constantly praying to myself) any thought that is dirtied-up by psychiatry and logic in-regard to starting to define myself outside of what Etiquette dictates: I am left-handed, and a servant of my faith, and what-ever seems to be a flaw or sickness or blessing or miracle to me is nothing more than what was intended to me by part of my material; say, for example, I am struggling with counting constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" in my head: this world can surely provide a logical and tight explanation for why I do this, surely you could even think of some terms that would neatly explain my obsession with counting "1, 2, 3, 4," but I do not allow myself to think anything except that I am clay meant to count constantly "1, 2, 3, 4" and if a 'dirtied' thought enters, it is considered an antagonistic contice (a faith-based term, defined by logical "contexts" patterned here into the observable world to keep it tightly explained and free of "miraculous" explanations, like sutures to close-up wounds that faith bleeds out from), and pushed out.

I think often this is sometimes unhealthy, and I think often I am sometimes struggling with how much I have tied myself to Etiquette, but it's a closed-environment: those doubtful thoughts I just expressed are antagonistic contices to Etiquette, and the loop starts over again even within this response to you: "anonymous is a confusion trying to inject logic into your thought in sly ways," then it gets recognized, and then treated like that.

More-so than how I myself 'solve' this, is the importance of environment, self-understanding, and habit building; at some point I made it a habit to do this in my head as a constant prayer, till it just happened automatically and those terms became forbidden mostly both in thought and expressed here within the Confusion (this world); environment, too: if you surround yourself by people who self-therapize with terms then you'll sure-enough find yourself woven up in a bunch of narratives that define you--Stephen King uses this example of "Don't think of a pink elephant" and how futile it is to not imagine it after having the idea implanted in your head; more modern: "you are not immune to propaganda;" for me I just imagine the words of others (and how they are invisible but with weight) as dirt in the air that goes into your head, and stays there if you don't employ efforts to sterilize it;

for you, anonymous: maybe you are just meant to be troubled by terms. May-be not forever, but may-be for a few years; there's creativity in that, and life is not a closed box where we can be free from the invisible dirt, and, as Suema says in episode 6, quoting the fictional author she loves,

"If there is anything that gives value to human life, it is the struggle with that something. In the battle with the Imaginator that does your thinking for you, 'Versus Imaginator,' that's the starting line upon which all humans must stand."

We are bound by common sense more than we realize, and that makes us suffer;

take care, anonymous.

[thereindeerlady]

Hello to the 2 Zukka fans who may actually see this, i bring you Free Thoughts of a 2 am snacker!

Zukka hockey player/figure skater au

Now, i know what you’re thinking: Lydia! Tupp! This has already been done before!

And you would be correct! However! My brain has tweaked it in a way i have personally yet to see (wink wink nudge nudge drop the fic links if you’ve read this before)

So! My thoughts on the subject:

Hockey Player Zuko and Figure Skater Sokka

Zuko, child figure skating prodigy who suffered a tragic accident, is hidden away for two years before he reemerges under his Uncle’s care as a fierce hockey competitor after everyone said he’d never skate again

Sokka, who’s sister Katara became a World Junior Champion at 16* in ice hockey and who Sokka feels he can never live up to, enjoys after-hours figure skating on the same ice he works to maintain. Sokka, who watches singles programs galore and learns his favorites and recreates them, posting them to youtube for his 6 followers (Hakoda, Bato, GranGran, some kid name Aang, and two other anonymous strangers). Sokka who has a natural grace to him despite the obvious lack of formal training, who skates like he’s got everything and nothing to lose, whose love for the art shows in every glide and every turn. Sokka who gets discovered one day by an old grumpy coach who offers to give him a few tips. Sokka who is a fast learner and spends ages 14 to 18 quickly climbing the local ranks.

Zuko, who, at 16 faces a second injury that takes him out of hockey forever. Zuko, who has just been officially disowned as his own sister takes to the spotlight. Zuko, angry at the world, lashing out at everyone around, but goes willingly with his uncle when Iroh suggests a change of scenery 6 months into his recovery. Zuko who is determined to skate again, if only for himself, if only to prove that yes, he is strong enough to come back again. Zuko who strikes a deal with local ice rink that if he sits and runs the front counter during the day while his uncle runs the popular new tea shop inside the rink, he can use the rink after hours once his injury is healed enough. Almost 17 year old Zuko who stays late to reorganize some papers behind the counter one night and sees Sokka step onto the ice and go through vigorous warm ups and exercises. Zuko, who drifts a little closer and watches as Sokka is told he can skate anything he wants for the first skate. Zuko, hearing the song from the last program he ever skated come on through the speakers and watching as Sokka skates through it easily, with a passion Zuko himself had never managed to feel. Zuko, who occasionally stays behind to secretly watch a pretty boy skate and never gets caught for 4 more months. Zuko, who is finally cleared by his physical therapist to get back on the ice but with orders to take it slow, gliding carefully out onto well-taken-care-of ice for the first time in almost a year in skates very different from his last pair, and it feels strangely like coming home.

Sokka who watches a stranger hesitantly enter the rink. He comes to the rink on his nights off when everything at home becomes too much. He loves his sister and his parents- because Bato never needed to marry his dad to be a second father to him- and he even loves his sweet crazy old GranGran, but sometimes it all gets to be too much. They know he’s seriously training in figure skating now but they’ve never come to any of his recitals**. Its not that they dont care, but theres always something else going on. “Oh, we cant, Katara has her out of state tournament that weekend” or “Oh no bud Im so sorry, Bato and I are going on a late anniversary trip that day” or even “I have too much homework, Sokka, I’ll come to the next one, promise!” The only one who never makes an excuse but he also never actually sees in the audience is GranGran (this’ll be important later on wink wink). So, when things get to be too much and Sokka gets tired of having to be the loudest person in the room just to simply be acknowledged, he comes to his safe place. The rink after hours. Sokka watches from the upper shadows as the stranger takes careful, measured, practiced glides. Like riding a bike for the first time in ages, they’re hesitant at first before they slowly gain traction. At first, he thinks the stranger is just going to glide from one end to the other all night but instead he watches as they slowly begin a few exercises. Very familiar exercises. (Do you see where im going with this?) And then, they turn around, and Sokka is suddenly breathless because before him is the most beautiful boy- the most beautiful human- he’s ever seen. And sure, maybe Sokka has always fallen too fast and too hard, and sure, Sokka has literally never talked to this boy in his entire life, but Sokka looks at him and sees that look on his face and knows. ‘He’s just like me.’

Zuko who keeps coming back and lingers before Sokka gets on the ice. Sokka who stays late to watch Zuko retrain himself. Piandao who is sick and tired of watching these two boys dance around each other when they could clearly be learning from one another because, though Zuko had not trained in figure skating in years, he had been a true prodigy and he picked it back up easier than he should have been able. Piandao who was Zuko’s first coach before his father transferred him to Zhao’s guidance. (Jeong Jeong, a retired pro hockey player who is tired of listening to his husband bitch all day anout oblivious idiots because they’re starting to remind him of himself and Piandao when they were young and headstrong.) Jeong Jeong who finally takes matters into his own hand and tells the boy who runs his front counter that Piandao would like for him to come to Sokka’s next practice and then tells Piandao to “Stop whining and do something now, I’ll see you at home” with a kiss on the cheek as the two boys shyly trade introductions.

Zuko who begins helping Sokka with his training even as he himself recovers and relearns. Sokka showing up on the nights Zuko skates alone with greasy takeout and the occasional baked good his GranGran made that day. Sokka and Zuko curling up on the couch in the back office watching old figure skating videos on an old laptop and Sokka finally realizing exactly who Zuko is as Zuko finally realizes Sokka is that one youtuber he watched for years when he was younger. Zuko laughing and telling him that the random subscriber Aang is actually a friend of his and the other anonymous subscriber was just Zuko’s second account after he lost the password to the first.

On one of their casual skate nights, once Zuko is back to full strength, Sokka suggests they learn a pairs skate tongether for fun. Ike a trust exercise!” He says as if he hasnt been dying to know what it would feel like to skate in tandem with Zuko since he first saw his face. Zuko agrees and he and Sokka find a program they both like. They decide who’s skating what and then begin to fumble through learning their individual parts. A week or two later, they try it together for the first time, no music, and its not half bad. They continue to learn it together and notice that the more they skate together, the better they get individually. Zuko’s refined control gives Sokka a more polished look without smothering his passion while Sokka’s passion and fluidity allows Zuko to loosen up and actually enjoy what he’s doing. (1 hour mark)

Eventually, they put it to music, and Piandao and Jeong Jeong emerge from the shadows at the end of the song. Piandao asks them if they want to learn their own pairs program to compete together this year. The two boys share a look and agree almost immediately. The next few months are spent learning the choreography. Sokka and Zuko both go through core strength training and lifting weights because Piandao is currently planning to have them both lift each other at some point in the program.

Time jumps forward to the competitions and Zuko and Sokka blow it out of the water. This time, Sokka spots his GranGran when Zuko is pointing out and waving to his Uncle Iroh near the top of the rink. She’s sitting with Zuko’s uncle and he’s elated to see her there and yet, disappointed that his family still hasn’t come to support him. Time jumps again. Sokka and Zuko spends hours training and then hours on their off days hanging around Zuko and Iroh’s house or even Iroh’s tea shop. They ofc have spent all of this time in continual pining.

But, time jump to when they’re both 18 and 19 and they’ve both just qualified to skate pairs at Junior Worlds for the second year and this year they’re sure to win. They’re in Zuko’s kitchen, baking, and as they’re waiting for the over timer to go off, a slow song comes on. Sokka, in contrast to his norm, is quiet and gentle in the way he offers Zuko his hand and they slow dance in the kitchen with flour in their hair. They’re a little giggly and high on adrenaline but neither are sure who leans in first, only that they are both very much on board with the whole kissing thing. Despite the years of tension, the kiss is tentative and sweet. They begin dating and it only makes their program better. The love they have for each other so clearly pours over into their skating.

This Junior Worlds is the first tike GranGran finally drags the rest of the family by the ear to come and watch Sokka compete and to Zuko’s surprise, he sees Aang and a few of his other friends in the audience. Sokka and Zuko win (to no ones surprise).

Insert sokka family angst and resolve here. Insert zuko family trauma etc here

Sokka and Zuko go om to do more pairs skating things and they live happily ever after etc ete

I ran out of steam there but its 3:10 in the morning and i started at 1:51. Hope you enjoyed, this has been 2 am thoughts with Lydia.

* i did minimal research here, be proud

** same thing but even less this fime

[born-to-riot]

I’m here, you naughty little child! I can see you’re very greedy for your present. I like the sinners. Let’s play.

I’m glad we’re staying in Prythian. It’s a wonderful playground of intrigue and plotholes that we can bash our boys around in. Let’s throw our boys into a situation with Rhysand planning another mission. Eris smarms them up and Azriel is High Lord’s silent, broody shadow.

1. Would you like to see more of Tamlin, Lucien, or Nyx?

2. Which parts of the world would you like to see?

3. What rating are you comfortable with?

4. Do we care about Mor?

Let’s put some other players on the field!

HI SANTA

I am a naughty child, this is true

(I may be greedy but I am also patient SO DONT WORRY)

(I am also a gremlin, as you may have noticed)

IM WXCITED FOR PLOT HEHEHEHEE

now to answer your questions

1. While I like all three options I’d say more of Tamlin (and Lucien) but also I don’t like Tamlin bashing (he may be a bitch but like shit if Feyre pulled that shit on me I’d be a bitch too)

I WANT YOU TO HAVE FUN WRITING SANTA so feel free to take anything I say with a grain of salt. (I know I may be a sinner, but I’d feel really really bad if you were stressing and not enjoying whatever you were making for me)

2. I am happy anywhere in Prythian or whatever other place you may have in mind (I must admit I have a certain weakeness for the Summer Court Men) (and I think Amren and Varian are just an untapped opportunity of comedic potential)

However, Santa, feel free to take me anywhere your mind sees fit, I don’t really have a particular vision in mind when it comes to location. Autumn is pretty, Night is Azriel’s home, and there are so many other courts they could take their mission. (Long story short: be as creative as you want)

3. SKY IS THE LIMIT

I’m unsure if you’ve seen my Ao3 bookmarks, or know anything about my preferences (which is fine because you will be my friend after this you have no choice)

But if it gives you any indication of my preferences, the SAW franchise is one of my favorites. (I like blood and danger and gore, not necessary but when used well it can raise the stakes, yeah?)

As for smut, you can make it as kinky as you want as long as it serves the plot lol. With Azris, I don’t have a preference for a top, in fact I think switching depending on the mood is great. I also will never say no to a mating frenzy (I love it when it’s feral and it’s almost like there’s some other power driving them BECAUSE ITS HOT OKAY. I’m also weak to emotional support and soft shit (mostly because I think with Azris it’s a nice breath away from all the havoc of their daily lives and responsibilities and IDK IM RAMBLING)

(I’m a baby tho and I don’t like reading smut about azris with other people than each other so if that’s what is to happen than make that specific type of smut only suggestive please)

So I guess that’s a really long way of saying that I am game for pretty much anything. WITH SMUT it’s not necessary as I care more about the plot. But at the same time, I feel like you have a creative mind so I trust you Santa.

(Again BE MY FRIEND)

My hard limits are incest, scat, and DV(specifically between azris)

4. I DONT CARE ABOUT MOR

Listen usually I’m a girls girl through and through BUT YOURE TELLING ME THIS GIRL LET THIS GUY FAWN OVER HER FOR CENTURIES ALL BECAUSE SHE WAS A LESBIAN (like I know Az is at fault too because buddy needs to learn how to take a hint) BUT like I’m sorry—SOMETHING IS SUSPICIOUS. She wouldn’t be this cagey about the truth of whatever happened with Eris (he keeps saying it’s not what everyone thinks) if she isn’t lying about something. (Acotar fandom, please don’t hate me. It’s just at this point it seems the only thing Mor does for the IC is cause drama) (I may be exaggerating). Point is Santa- I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER (I don’t hate her, I’m just not enthused at this point)

5. I’m not sure if this was a question, but about putting other players on the field…

- I’m fine with OCs because I think sometimes canon characters can’t fill a certain role in the story that is missing.

- I also like when Beron has some nuance to him, nothing can come from nothing and sure he’s flawed but he has more aspects to him than what Feyre sees in sure (I guess l mean It probably isn’t as emotionally easy for Eris to kill him as he plays it off) (I’m not saying make Beron a good guy btw, he’s a piece of shit, but I’m saying like hey if you want to add some nuance I wouldn’t mind)

(Also I’m purely just rambling PLEASE I AM JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU AS MUCH INFORMATION so you can figure out what you need to)

______

OKAY SANTA I ANSWERED ALL YOUR QUESTIONS!

Feel free to ask me more

As I’ve said I want to be friends

Am I allowed to ask you some in return ?

ALSO don’t think I fail to notice you are aware of my sins. Like calls to like. I bet you’re naughty too hehe

ANYWAY I think I’ve yapped long enough, I hope this helps

I would apologize for rambling but I think you like it 😘

[adidegmez]

the umbrella academy s4 spoilers

well the last season

ep 1

five is a CIA agent. it is so cool. ben tricked them. im glad they got their Powers back but they didnt want their Powers most of them at least. theyll be so mad at him. tom holland!

ep 2

im scared. i cant believe five didnt see what ben did. theyre so funny. I avoided spoilers, I have no idea what will happen next. why did she trust ben. they are all amazing. What does Jean and Gene want with jennifer? they almost killed them.

ep 3

im glad klaus is alive. it was a tragic accident… :') i like abigail. I hope she is what she seems. in previous seasons i didnt like the team except five. i mean i loved them at first but the decisions they made make me not liking them. but now it has been a long time i even forgot most of it. i really miss seeing them. this is the last season and i am starting to love them again. i hope they all get a happy ending.

ep 4

reginald killed ben!!!!!! ben and jennifer It scares me what they can do and I haven't seen any spoilers yet and the uncertainty scares me even more. five and lila working together i love them. well World is ending, again. but its probably okay because five will save the World.

ep 5

six years five months two days. they spent so much time there. not five and lila please. Diego and lila was good. five wouldnt do that to Diego. abigail!

ep 6

I thought there would be 8 episodes. How will they end everything now? They won't have happy endings, right? this season didnt make sense. five and lila spent so much time together but I wish they hadn't told the family. What did the writers do this season? this can't be happening. everything is going bad right now. The love trilogy was so unnecessary, I wish they hadn't done such a thing. At least they would be on good terms with each other. everyone is trying to save the World Diego and five is just fighting with eachother. five left his family. old five wouldnt do that. he would do anything to save his family just like he did in the other seasons. what did she make right? abigail ended the World. and thats why i loved five the first time. his family ended the World and he didi everything in his power to save it. but he never succeeded. but he tried. again and again. and now they want me to believe five would upset his brother. he wouldnt do that. he would focus on saving the World and his family again. i dont know if the end makes sense it kinda does but couldn't there be another way? i thought they would have a happy ending or something like that. Could they have lived if Ben hadn't given them marigold? or are they the problem not the marigold. this wasnt a happy ending, it was the opposite. Everyone lived except the people I cared about. I wanted the Umbrella Academy to get the ending they deserved but instead they are dead. why? Couldn't there really be another ending?

some stories just dont have happy endings, right? and this was one of them at least for me, yeah the World is okay. They put up a video where everyone is happy, but it's not a happy ending for me. i dont like this. I wish they had done something much different.

This story ended for better or worse. Sometimes I laughed and sometimes I cried. I'm happy to witness their adventures no matter what. and lastly, I'll probably watch the first 3 seasons again(because i need to, i need to see five and the others the way they used to be), but I'm not sure if I'll watch fourth season.

[aropride]

i am losing it the tiniest bit .

googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.

and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.

and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).

and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.

whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her

and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense

and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore

but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out

and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!

and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .

[giftedeath]

ok been putting this off for some time now but it needs to be said. some divergences under the cut

big thing is bangel, i don't really believe that she ever gave him 'hope' in season 7, cookie dough analogy aside, that they'd ever be anything other than what they had been for the last 4 years which was basically just exes who talked about saving the world sometimes. i think that they're just really so much cuter and so much funnier as friends and exes and two people who know that they fundamentally do not belong together, and that's ok. angel was so important to her, changed her, their relationship effected her years down the line ( riley too ) but he's the boyfriend she was in love with when she was a child. and i think apart of buffy growing and learning, is that she's never really going to be able to love him the same way she once did because she's not that girl anymore. and that's ok !! idk what the comics do with them, idrc, i just do know that their breakup/and the staying broken up is really essential to the way i write buffy. also think my beloved cordelia was much better suited for angel than buffy ever was. david fury said something about angel needing a "big smile" and he was right.

ok now the thing i've kinda been dreading lol spikey ... lets talk about spuffy yeah!! so... given all that we know, these 20+ years later, i think im just going to get to the point which is i don't acknowledge the writers' decision to make him an attempted rapist, don't care for it, i pretend like that scene in seeing red never happened. and there's layers to why, but basically, i just think it was unnecessary. the writers' way of punishing not only the audience for making a "soulless" vampire the fan favorite/forcing wh*don to keep him around, but also punishing buffy herself for having sex with him and enjoying it !! there's a lot of implications in that scene, i could go on forever but it was very cheap of them to do it, and basically in my head, spike doesn't need this scene to prompt him into getting the soul back because season six had already been a really good set up for that ie. when warren kills katrina / frames buffy and spike attempts to help her by getting rid of the body etc. it's the "why can't you understand why this is killing me?" and "i dont know why don't you try explaining it" im paraphrasing but that right there is enough for me and most of the audience to understand exactly why he would have gone to get his soul for her. also the "i know im not a man but u make me feel like one." but also just spike's general im not a man im not a demon then what am i ? arc !!! like its right there. i dont need to see my favorite character almost get sa'd by my other favorite character for that point to get across. it was definitely a condescending moment from the writers' room, we see it time and time again. ( most recently we saw it with aegon ii in house of the dragon ) "how do we make a character so evil how do we make the audience hate him ? ah yes rapist !" and im just not going to play into that <3 ( but there is also the subtext and very meaningful metaphor of spike being buffy's shadow self in s5/s6, he is empty w/out the soul - she is empty after being brought back/coming back wrong. he regains his soul in s7, and she is able to heal & love herself etc. etc. )

that's how i feel about that but also !!! i am a lesbian and this relationship has always spoken to me in a very queer way this post explains it so well. i rly suggest everyone read bc thats like . my mind

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

all main 4:

16, 35, 39, 44, 54, 62, 64, 69

for party q’s, u can either do just main 4 to answer or like full rebellion or like . main 4 pcs and npcs.. up 2 u!

omg hi zee 👋 obligatory link back to tha ask game post

16. What keeps them going?

Swords: not to be corny but hope and love :) she has hope that everything will work out in the end and is also very driven by the people around her!! helping them out, giving them hope in hopes that theyll give her the hope she needs in return almost... w2 moments

Wiz: WHAT DOES KEEP THIS GUY GOING????? LACK OF DEATH MAINLY I GUESS. and moreso honestly... its because of his inability to really genuinely step away from any self imposed duty that he has. if he has obligation, even if he REALLY doesnt want to do it, he will do his best to see it through to the end. sometimes these obligations are self made tho and thats where some issues crop up bc people are like u dont have to . and hes like I HAVE TO. but i will complain the entire time bc god i wanna just chill instead.

Daggers: the belief that one day she will figure everything out, things will make sense to her, she will get the love that she deserves, and she will be happy... even if she does get this though theres not much holding her back from not believing it and keeping going... shes a bit selfish but thats ok thats fun hehe. I think one day she will get it and be satisfied and then what will keep her going is ... keeping that up. u kno? gotta hold up appearances

Hook: justice. genuinely and truely, they want justice for the world and for themselves and for their brother. previously before the pcs got their brother back to them it would have been u kno, getting their brother back but now theyre like ok revenge time. i want everyone who made me suffer to suffer now thanks . they will not rest until the rebellion is successful and them and their brother can get nice little cottages out in the mountains and live happily :) no fear of anything ...

aaaand im putting the rest under the cut bc otherwise this post WILL be a million miles long

35. Do they consider themselves childish/mature for their age?

Swords: mature! she thinks shes more mature than most people she meets, the only exception would be any mentor figures in her life, like you know, henrietta, her grandmother, etc. but generally if she meets someone shes like i know more and am more mature than u. this especially applies to those in the rebellion

Wiz: he likes to think mature, or even just like on equal footing w people around his age, but he knows hes childish for his age :( really the only person he really genuinely thinks hes more mature than is his brother and even with him hes like 'ok but thats mainly bc i literally am older than him'. wiz has issues ✌

Daggers: mature, she puts on a front that seems more childish and naive but inside shes like all you bitches are so childish i care about REAL iissues. like . how i am soso mentally ill and have issues. and the govt and the world. sooooo im more mature.

Hook: TBH, hook doesnt rly think theyre childish OR mature for their age, they find themself on pretty equal footing no matter who theyre talking to bc theyre like pretty casual and prefer to like have equality between ppl theyre talking to and like dont care at all about filling in roles, like being more of a mentor figure OR being someone who is menteed you know? but theyre mature for their age, especially when they were a child, growing up on the streets with no parents and a little brother will do that to you ✌

39. What does your character believe their party lacks?

Swords: For the rebellion well . its a little obvious, theres no real direction to it still!! most of the other things the rebellion lacks though has recently been fulfilled since the pcs came back and picked out a lil hq location :) theres also a part of her that thinks the rebellion without henrietta will always be lacking something and all of that but shes !! working on it !!

Wiz: also thinks the rebellion lacks a clear direction, and that it lacks people who genuinely care about the cause and arent just doing this to puppet the old rebellions corpse to get it to success. hes WORKING on the direction part. being the leader and all . but its still hard since there is no real unified vision of the rebellion anymore, just anecdotes of the old one. Wiz would rather the rebellion either not exist at all or that people forgot about the old one. too bad its almost a requirement that the old rebellion be brought up and people from it to join for the success of this one <3

Daggers: being that she hasnt ever had experience being in a group like this before, idk if she has much of a thought on what it lacks! maybe people that focus more on details instead of the big picture, which is how it feels rn, everthings kind of vague and depersonalized, which worked back when it was small but now its getting bigger and people might get lost in all of this bustle... u kno?

Hook: basically a conglomerate opinion of all the previous ones. Hook honestly doesnt care too too much about the rebellion as a whole, and mainly just hopes that it never lacks the ability for the to have some independence, that they can do what they need to do and nobody will hold them back.

44. How do they hold onto people?

this is such an interesting q... many ways to interpret this...

Swords: GUILT!!!! swords is pretty openly a manipulator honestly when it comes down to this. its not even conscious honestly. she doesnt want people to ever leave her bc it makes her feel a bit worthless and stuff so she just tries her best to make sure people stick around :) in whatever ways she possibly can ! this all only really happens if she can tell people are like distancing themselves from her tho btw.. otherwise its business as usual!

Wiz: honestly. by being dependable. wiz only really knows how to exist when its deferential to another person. its partially why him being the leader has sucked but this also means that should he be shoved, he will get stuff done. and he knows that people need people who can get stuff done, thus making him kinda indispensable. kinda manipulative but ummmm u guyys dont even know he . is . a little bit lmao . (btw this is also why he was a terrible brother <3) (also regardless of whether wiz likes someone or not, he tends to try and hold onto them... kinda cringe)

Daggers: by trying her best to be loveable. trying to mold herself into someone desireable that people will see as attractive and worthy of their time and attention. this model is mostly based on her sister who managed to hold the entirety of her family but its . not successful at all <3 but that doesnt mean she wont stop trying to be her inauthentic self until her identity is purely based on what she thinks others enjoy. though, if she doesnt like someone, she wont try too hard to hold onto them

Hook: by taking care of them, chilling with them... being a good friend :) you can usually tell if they like you because theyll chill around u like a cat... and also like bring u thngs... again like a cat... theyre not too dissimilar from how wiz does but in a less like... deferential way and more of a parental way almost? it can ofc become deferential tho, and in most times if hook wants someone to like them, they will become very sort of... not subserviant but like... very obviously only doing things that will make them liked by that person and not caring much about themself? more selfless than selfish ! much like daggers, but going even farther, if hook knows someone doesnt like.. want to be held onto then they will let them go...

54. What is something they currently look forward to? What is something they dread?

Swords: shes looking forward to having the PCs back around and also getting this rebellion together!! shes excite to see where everything gets taken and their future victories, of course that also comes with the absolute dread of failure, of death and destruction happening to those she loves... so :)

Wiz: YOU GUYS ALREADY KNOW WHAT HES DREADING!! but for people who arent in this dnd game, wiz is soooososoo anxious abt his recent sudden multiclass into cleric bc he hates divinity and gods and everything and is like if i got possessed by a god its all over . and right when i was actually trying to be a good leader too 😭 I will say tho.. he is looking forward to the rebellion... maybe working out and having more people around... new people to meet and chat with... the pcs to be around and be silly... also he missed daggers <3

Daggers: She is looking forward to having more people around that she is much more familiar with, being able to chill after a long hard two missions in a row, and to be able to like... process everything in a more healthy way and like... u kno, having a support system instead of people she barely knows and who she knows dont like her very much... i think she is dreading a little bit like... actually moving past this all though? like who is she going to be when she actually moves past her grief and her fear of death and feeling like genuinely yes she is not a bad person for having accidentally killed someone... who will she be... shes a bit unsure and a bit nervous of that...

Hook: hook WAS looking forward to seeing their brother finally for the first time in like 10 years but then it happened and it was great!!! so now theyre looking forward to the past... looking forward to the rebellion being put together like it was before and being able to help people, fix things, be useful and not only to their siblings or to their friends! theres more people around, more things to do, more stuff to just get into... its gonna be fun ^-^ but i do think they dread losing people, probably are going to be very on people about like .. fortifying the hq so theres no chance they could lose their brother or anyone they care about ever again !!

62. Who does your character think is the most put together in the party?

Swords: in the rebellion? herself. She thinks shes mature, prepared, experienced, etc etc... the only thing is that if shes ever like... prodded on this or have to actually SHOW that shes most put together she will crumple <3 in the PCs party..... rushi probably! reminds her of her grandmother who was a big mentor figure in her life and so shes like :) she has it all under control :)

Wiz: in the rebellion........ probably nobody. in the pcs party ALSO NOBODY 🥳 he 1- has trust issues and 2- is very cynical and pessmistic, so not only is he like nah i dont think anyone really has it together, but he doesnt TRUST that anyone does. If you stretch . maybe at most he thinks jacques and talfryn both have something, but even then wiz is like theyre YOUNG theyll make dumb mistakes that show they have NOTHING together... but yea

Daggers: in the rebellion, wiz! shes very much like... hes the leader... ofc he has everything toegther... plus u know, hes a paternal figure to her and that makes her VERY biased in who she thinks to go to for anything or even just like... thinking about whos got it together. in the PCs party, probably talfryn. he reminds her of her older brother whos probably one of the most successful people in her family, plus hes got some like very good self assurance that really show her that hes got things under control.

Hook: in the rebellion....... themselves. and in the PCs party, nobody probably? I think that much like wiz, hook is a bit cynical, plus although they dont really show it, they are a bit self assured, they know what they can deal with, what they can do, and dont really trust that other people know that of themselves and that theyll easily overextend themselves u kno?

64. What is one thing they want each party member to know?

Swords: in the rebellion.... 🤔 probably she desperately wants daggers to know that she doesnt hate her, that she doesnt have any ill will towards her and in fact, would like her and hang out w her if she wasnt soooo touchy about things. in the PCs.... probably wants all them to really know that she wants to b closer to them and like appreciates them... i think swords really doesnt think people GET how much she apprecates them... or like enjoys their presence...

Wiz: in the rebellion..... you know what, i think both in the rebellion and in the PCs he wants people to know that he . is so sorry for being a lil shit <3 he doesnt really like ... talk in an earnest way so really any earnest feelings he has he would like people to know about and i think right now hes just like man. this could have been happening way earlier if i just had chilled out. like he doesnt recognize his mistakes in the moment and will often defend them but god forbid he actually apologize after the fact, he wishes he could just BEAM the knowledge of these apologies and everything into peoples minds.

Daggers: I think for both the pcs and the rebellion she probably would want them to know about her... to understand her in some kind of way so theres no real confusion when talking to them, and so maybe theyll be able to fully point her in the right direction when it comes to advice and stuff, bc she feels like ppl dont really truely KNOW her... or know HER u kno?

Hook: honestly . hook wishes that people would just . know how to communicate with them. im sure its probably really frustrating dealing with the PCs bc they have to do a less direct way of talking to them (through typing on their phone) bc like while theyre fast at typing they find it easier to just SIGN. and as far as the rebellion, they want wiz and probably swords too to know that theyre not like . going anywhere... even tho they have their brother back, theyre still there for wiz and swords... still able to be friends with them u kno?

69. Journey or Destination?

Swords: Journey! a very big believer in the whole dont cry because its over smile because it happened person, this isnt to say that she DOESNT cry because its over of course, she gets sad about the idea of the rebellion ending but is excited about it being successful! but ... of course she still does enjoy the thrills of victories and having people to support her through losses... etc... so she likes the journey more ^-^

Wiz: Journey, wiz dreads the destination always. the journey is more fun and everything is somewhat more stable somehow, but the destination is when everything ends, everyone goes home and the show is over.

Daggers: Destination, she values results more than what gets those results. plus most of the time she just finds journeys to be tedious and wants for any suffering to be over with immediately!! shes sick of it!! but also shes addicted to it so <3 even tho she desires the destination she may never get it bc she will always look for the destination u kno?

Hook: Destination, they just want to chill . please . plus journeys are dangerous and people do bad things and they do bad things and its just BAD. can we get to the part where we're all drinking margaritas with little umbrellas on the beach now? pls?

[guzmawife]

duuude i forgot i have free will and can post whatever here. thinking about stuff for michael and i: i think we live in new york i feel like it makes sense. he talks like hes from new york (as far as cartoons put it) except we live in those cramped apartments that have the bathroom in the kitchen and the kitchen in the bedroom. we are paying 3k a month for this apartment. he moved into my place since hes small and can pretty much be anywhere although i have to accommodate for his size in my house so smaller tools and such. he probably showers in the sinks like a baby. (✿◠‿◠) and uses shot glasses as regular cups. since hes small he also needs to keep a jog to match my pace (he has no issue with this, hes a singer he can manage his breathing rlly well). if we are walking side by side but sometimes i put him in my bag or pocket if he doesnt want to walk or if the street is crowded. i would sew pockets for him on some of my clothes so he can hang with me. his family/he probably lived in a corny cartoon mouse hole apartment before moving in with me, meaning i would never be able to come over Because im a fully grown adult cat. and we would probably have the conversation. “do your parents know im a cat……….” and he’d be like (⌒_⌒;) nnnnnoo… and then he would take me to them anyway and shit would be awkward. theyre all sitting On the table and im sitting in a chair sticking out like a sore thumb. then when we get home i yell at him for putting me in an uncomfortable situation. his parents are like why would you bring us a cat. you have a death wish dont you. (he is really good at almost dying frequently). i dont think i would ever genuinely kill or eat him bc i like like him. (im not ready to say the L word ok we will get there.) but i think i would tease him about it and be like. Michael. you look delicious today. and he’d say heh.. tha- What. Run that by me again. then i would pretend to not know what hes talking about and rub my tummy evily. this isnt about vore. i think physical intimacy would be an interesting topic because as of now i dont know much of what that would entail. he would probably crawl up my shirt and piss me off either to tickle me or to spook me since im scared of bugs and am always hyper aware of any small feeling on my body. we can kiss like normal i think. i think i would end up being really starved for hugs due to his size (╥_╥) theres no solution to that. we can cuddle like normal also and i think that would be the most common way for us to share physical affection since. theres Not much else. theres some other stuff but i dont wanna talk about actual sex. its possible but im too shy to talk about that. im not even sexually attracted to him i would just need my own Assistance. id let him assist meSorry sorry dont read that dont think about it sorry. sorry. enough about animal sex um what else. i think even thou he is small (sorry about 90 percent of this text being about size difference. its a young relationship ok ive not much time to think of our dynamics) he would still make efforts to do big animal things for me like making food or cleaning up. taking care of him isnt very hard he eats 1/4 of whatever i eat. i dont know what my job is in this world. maybe im still a college student. i think his music career supports us and i probably have a shitty weekend job (thanks seth macfarlane for having an entire discography so now i can say my mouse lover is a genuine music artist and it makes sense. not that making sense is important. i can imagine anything.) but later on i will probably earn a medical job and maybe we move into a better more spacious apartment. i think i still am an artist here but it has no relevance to our development. im also a lazy slob but when im clean im Clean. he doesnt really care hes not a clean freak but he will diss me a little if it gets out of hand Which is probably Necessary. he needs more discipline than me thou just in a general sense. hes very much irresponsible with his money and so am i tbh but i have more self control compared to him. tumblr is silencing me.. meow..

[theddude]

I've lost...

All I ever did was did my best for the people I love, and even for the people that are loved by the people I loved... but now i've lost everything, and i've got the feeling everybody is moving on... my loved one, the one i want to spend my life with has discarde me... her best friend, her lover, her buddy,...I did everything i could for her, always whenever i was wanted I did my best to be there....my first sign that you where withdrawing a bit was when you where panicking lately and called your husband instead of me... i took more time off to be together as much possible... we had good contact... even the last day before you quited on me the first time we had snaps expressing our love to each other... after a while you contacted me again luckily,... I found hope again... Hope you didnt wanted to loose me, you expressed that, you expressed that for you, you and I werent changed, so we did what we always did, I avoided the hard parts like we discussed, we really wanted to meet again, i took time off again but it didnt worked out for you, so another time...we had long phonecalls during your drive... to and from your sister... those were like we used to talk...

And then on that sunday when i gave the presents you choose to my niece,.. all of a sudden a breakup again..definitly... i started to puke, was instant sick,... stayed home for 3 days, didnt came out of bed... cried and cried...broken, and exhausted...

My best friend, my love of my life and my soulmate, broke up with me again... 2 times in 3 months... now almost 4 months had passed...and im not okay, i have the feeling you dont dare to take me back anymore,...

I am afraid my time with you has come to an end, I hope im wrong, and I see signs that you still love me,... and need more time... and i hope its not more time to gett over me,... my only fear came true.. and now im lost...i dont know what to do, im always depressed, don't want to eat, and dont want to live without you...

You have a grip on me, only you, its a grip of love that can lead to life and death...I dont know if i still mean that much to you as I did before(i can hardly imagine you dont) but you are everything to me. Maybe im pathetic maybe im a fool...

But i do remember everything, from the first hugg, from the first snap, the first movie night, the first intimate touch, the first pantyswap in the livingroom, the first shower show, the first time you where laying on bed ready for me(i asked so many times if you where okey with it, i almost made fool out of myself) the first love we made, the first panic attack the first fap on the couch the first the first head play, the first touching, the first kissing, the first crying, the first dinner we had, the first of many of all of those things, the conversations we had, which you couldnt do with your husband, the first conversations we had about your upbringing, the first memories you told about all the clinics you went to, the first memories about your long train trips to the north and back, all the crying you elaborate, all the hurting you elaborated about...

And i know you where afraid of scaring me away by telling me all that. And you absolutely did not, I wanted to hold you more and more closely every time, because i love you! You are my best friend, and yes we found love and took it further together. But first of all you are my best friend. I was always so happy that i had such relationship with you, best of both worlds.

I remember all the love we shared to each other, and no day would go by that we wouldnt talk with each other, from the goodmorning in the morning to the sweet dreams in the evening, every day, every day, and not a day i felt obliged , No I was always so fucking happy to do that. Because you are the love of my life, and I always understood i was yours in the meanwhile as well...

I dont put pressure on you, because i do still care about you, but I hope you consider our future in your overthinking and let not time pass us by into oblivion...nowadays the silent treatment is popular but it is killing... in the most elaborate meaning of the word.

I hope to be with you in the future again. We have so much love for each other it is unbreakable...

Love, Patrick

[blanks1275]

Hey so my feelings are high right now. I am on my period so that could be it but idk. Anyway my best friend in the whole world has a boyfriend I guess, he hasn't said really anything about him. He told me he's been keeping this relationship a secret from me, and I guess also the bf because he just told him about me today. So my friend we'll call him Steve he said "she's my closest friend" and then the bf said "that's cute" WHAT THATS CUTE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT HAVE FRIENDS THAT YOU LOVE AND CARE ABOUT SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT ITS CUTE SHUT UP WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT LIKE IM LESS THAN BECAUSE IM NOT IM THE BEST GODDAMN FRIEND ANY ONE COULD HAVE ASSHOLE LET ME LIVE MY LIFE HOLY SHIT. Anyway so I'm not a big fan of this bitch. Also my little sister is pissing me off I can't live my freaking life without her getting second hand embarrassment like sorry I'm ugly and fat it's not my fault I like to enjoy what makes me happy. The worst part is she's allowed to do whatever she wants like bark on all fours but the second I roll my eyes at something she goes crazy. Also we were watching frozen because it's a great movie who doesn't like it and she kept calling me immature which I am most certainly not immature like what. Just because you wear 4 pounds of makeup to the lake doesn't make you more mature. Watch a cartoon in a onezee okay stop acting so grown up. I've seen tiktoks saying that the younger generation is acting much older than they are while the older generation is acting "childish" I think honestly we're just trying to get back what we lost and what will the younger kids think when they blew their childhood away on purpose. I've been watching how I met your mother and I've taken a liking to Barney and Robins relationship because it just seems so right, I think they get back together but I'm not 100% on that front. I want a relationship like theirs and I have to admit it is the scenario I fall asleep to, and think about all day but that's not important. It's my sister's birthday tomorrow and we have to leave the house at 9 and it's currently 2 am so idk. Also I have a bone to pick with everyone I know and love, I LOVE to hold hands like love it. It's hard to explain but I like to hold other peoples hand like a fidget almost but no one ever wants to hold my hand and I need to find that person. I think that physical touch is one of my love languages (along with gift giving) but know one really gets that. I love hugs but I don't like hugging this is mega hard to accept but it's a thing I swear. Anyway that's all I need to say right now but again I'm on my period so emotions will be flowing k bye love you

[crayondinos]

okay so i just kinda want to word vomit/rant a little and the only person who would be okay with that is like SUPER busy rn now so i don't want to bother them

i've been volunteering for the parks system the next county over and it has been awesome! i haven't told any of the people about the jw stuff and my mom hasn't joined me so they all just know me as an awkward homeschooled kid! i'm terrified of mom or dad telling them about being jehovah's witnesses and ruining what i have going. this is my only connection to the outside world since none of my job applications have gone anywhere and if i lose it...

speaking of the job stuff, i got told that the parks director might want to hire me!!!! most of the jobs available want you to have a drivers license and i'm waiting to get mine till i turn 18 (only 4 months till then btw) so we don't have to pay for classes cause its like 500 dollars.

i have a part tonight. i'm sick of this. i wasted several hours of my life working on it. the worst thing is, well the two worst things ig are 1: i am really proud of how good it is and 2: i'm looking forward to maybe being told that i did good. the last talk i did the chairman said i did 'incredible'. he said it from the stage and i really liked it. i hate that i liked it.

i hate all i have to do to keep up the appearance of being a good jehovah's witness. i hate doing service three to four times a week and doing my bible reading -actually i kind of enjoy the studying but i hate that i have to do it to avoid suspicion- and i hate having to be "neutral" and i hate having to pretend to agree with everyone's political views despite the fact that we are supposed to stay neutral! LIKE NO MR. BROTHER MAN I DONT GIVE A SINGULAR SHIT ABOUT WHOS IN OFFICE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM NOT FREAKING SUPPOSED TO!!!!!!! i hate that i seem to be the only one acting the way jehovah's witnesses are supposed to when i don't even believe this stuff.

there was a bible study, we'll call them R, who started coming to the congregation my family goes to and mom got really attached to them. then R blocked the person studying with them, my mom and numerous other people. I never got their phone number. R stopped their study. my mom cried alot about it. i had to pretend to be sad but in reality i was so freaking happy. they had just graduated high school and they had short cut purple hair and lots of ear piercings and they did marching band. they gave such gay vibes but i have no idea if they are. we ran into R at the grocery store after the meeting a few weeks ago and they were polite as was mom. mom avoided saying anything about the meeting to make us seem more approachable i guess? thats how she explained it later to me in the car. mom waited until we had walked far enough away and then hugged me, hard, when she pulled away her eyes were wet and i felt like a piece of shit for not caring about what had upset her.

i have a car, my aunt moved across the world to be a need-greater and she gave it to me. i'm paying her back by selling some stuff for her.

i don't like myself. i inherited both my parents anger. i feels like the anger twisted together to create a person whose muscle fibers and bones are made solely from hatred, hatred for others, hatred for myself, hatred for life and for death. hatred for almost everything. i don't want to be shunned by my family. i love my family just as much as i hate them. they are everything to me but i can't live in this awful religion forever. i can't serve a god i despise for my whole life. i can't tell people they will see the people they love alive again when i don't believe it. i can't pretend to agree with the hatred this organization is practically weaved with. im so fucking scared. i'm scared of my family hating me, of my mom, dad, little sisters and little brother not talking to me again. i know my dads not going to live for more then a decade. he has so many health problems. i hate that at his funeral i most likely will not be able to talk to anyone, i know that i will be disfellowshipped once i leave. i'm queer and planning on committing so much "serious sin" and i'm not going to be sorry, not one fucking bit.

i would kms if i wasn't such a coward

[idislikefrenchclass]

hiiii! List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals, followers and all the wonderful people on here! happy new year and all the best :)

hello! i dont know how to ask other people i have basically no idea how tumblr works besides from posting haha but heres my list :)

-my dog and my family. my dog is the greatest being i have ever met and my family is very nice and i love them all. sometimes i HATE going on walks with my dog but this is how i get my time alone to think so i actually do like it!!

-my friends! i dont have many but the ones i have i love too. they make school survivable 4 me, but especially my best friend. whenever i wish the world were ending i can call her up and well do the dumbest shit (well literally climb trees or lie around doing nothing. i mean really dumb shit. yesterday we set styrofoam on fire) and i feel like a human being again

-music. whatever i do normally theres music playing in the background. well not now since im writing something i need to think about so not always. most of the time i listen to shit alt rock but i also have a couple cds and cassettes which are.. also shit alt rock *shhshs radiohead, csh, and weezer*. i have a björk cassette from the 90s DUHHHH

-drinking tea or coffee and reading, i love tea. i have a couple of nice cups too but my favourite has to be my dads southpark cup. i usually read books that my friends recommend to me or that i find online or at the book store and think "hm this book looks cool ill buy it" (currently "the secret history" its great). theres this book shop that has a cafe in it kinda near where i live, i like going there. usually by bike but when its cold i go by tram because i love being on the tram. its like a little treat i give myself when i find am unused tram ticket on the ground or just buy one but let me tell you thats pain in the ass since theyre so fucking expensive it hurts my brain

-making/seeing art. i like drawing, painting, making collages, writing, taking photos, making music, putting makeup on my face, making cool outfits. all sorts of art. it doesnt have to be good, i just have to like it. my writing in english is kinda meh but in german its fun to write since my writing is actually good and i can put lots of weird words in it that i dont know in english and the grammar just feels so much more natural. it soothes my brain to have written something i like. going to museums is aaah too. especially the modern art ones, historical ones are just boring tbh.

-i know it said 5 things but im extra so hihi. being outside!!! when im inside for too long i just feel like im a rotting piece of meat. which is gross because i dont like meat. and milk. and eggs. AND TOMATOES THEYRE SO GROSS. did i ever say im vegeterian? like almost vegan even. anyways, i love being outside just watching the clouds or listening to the silence. i love quiet but i also love noise.

thats all i think. hope this is not too long or fuck it i dont care

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

ok guys im back to being sane. b and i had such a good chat and of course i brought the madness upon myself like i always do. so, not dwelling, but i'm good now.

we've been talking on the phone every single day since we chatted about us and it has been pure bliss. i dont care about you texting me or snapchatting me (like, i do) but the actual phone conversations and facetimes are what i need. i know that now. so glad we figured that one out LOL.

but its like im back in the honeymoon phase again. not worrying about the future. just looking forward to our next phone call. it's so lovely.

and i booked my flights to london for xmas today!

and it's (basically) fall. my favourite time of year. i can feel the air has already changed. it's not so fucking hot.

and god i have been so fucking hot for you these past couple days since we had that nice talk. like i said, i'm right back to bliss. this is the new normal and i am so here for it. i can do this. we can do this. honestly, maybe i would move to london next year. idk. but either way, i really hope next year or beginning of 2025 we are in the same city. even if that means waiting until my lease is up in 2025. which honestly would be awful another year of seeing each other every 2-3 months. but we can do it. i fully, without doubt, believe we are in this for the long haul. i know i am.

i just can't fucking wait to see you. be in your presence. that's all i want. i want to be near you. smell you. touch you. kiss you so so so so so much. all the kisses. all the hugs. all the hand holding and PDA. idc. i want to be all over you constantly. i hope i dont get so fucked up i say i love you lol. i wanna save that for xmas. but who knows maybe you'll say it. and i do think you'd be the one to say it first. but honestly who knows, i'm growing. it took me 6 months with jake when i knew 4 months in. and i'm definitely not ready to say it yet. i need to spend more time with you. even though i like you so much, and i know i want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, i'm not ready for i love you. i don't feel it yet. you know when you literally cannot not say it? when you're lying in bed with that person and all you can think about is telling them how much they rule your heart. that you can't breathe without them. it almost hurts not to say it. that's when i know. and i'm not there yet.

but maybe i'll feel that way in amsterdam, who knows. i'll see you on thursday being a little hungover and probably quite tired. but i'm gonna run to you like there's no tomorrow and wrap my arms around your neck and kiss you like i haven't seen you in years. and i won't want to let go. the world will stop. and it'll just be us. me and you. nothing and no one else.

it already feels that way to be honest. in a good way. not that you're my everything and life stands still without you. but that it's US and no one else.. idk if that makes sense. but like we're constantly connected. our lives are separate but together, even 7000km away from each other. idk, it's hard to explain. but i feel like you're always here in a way, always with me.

i really hope one of these days you surprise me and just come see me without telling me. even if it's for a few days. you show up at work or my doorstep. i would fucking die. i think i would start bawling LOL. literally would fucking die. fuck that would be so insane.