#i make a mockery of death and a spectacle of survival › hc.

[giftedeath]

in my mind a huge internal struggle of buffy’s is trying to always make sure she deserves the pedestal that she is put on ( mostly by the scoobies ) which is why her being around faith and spike is refreshing bc i think they also put her on a pedestal but in a different way… like if she were to fall off it , they would just build her a new one vs the scoobies who wouldn’t understand and would judge her harshly , for lack of a better term. and so i think this also translates into a specific tenderness tht she only has w them and one tht i rly loveeeeeee writing

[giftedeath]

thinking about a universe where buffy moves them out to boston bc dawn got into harvard and where dawn goes buffy goes - mostly bc i think she would love the east coast and winter so much

[giftedeath]

buffy eating xander in the yellowjackets verse Real and Canon

[giftedeath]

i missed the boop day rip but buffy would be so overwhelmed with all of her boops. she'd get a boop from spike first, ( which she would ignore ifjeifjeir ) and she'd boop back the scoobies, and dawnie would get double booped .. and the only person she would boop first is cordelia of course

[giftedeath]

too many missed opportunities for a buffy/anya/spike trio where buffy's just asking them questions like what was the first movie u watched and the first song u listened to and was nosferatu real ??? and what kind of hair did u have in the 80s, whats ur fave matisse painting and did/do u read jane austen ??

[giftedeath]

faith is like ... buffy wants to be good, but she knows what she's capable of. she spends her life killing and killing and she has to be good, bc if she's not then what does that make her ? she can't love the fight, can't relish in it, can't enjoy it because then she's bad. there's no fun to be had, there's only kill or get killed.

and cordy is like ... buffy wants to just be a girl. she wants to date boys, so she dates owen and angel and she's best friends with xander. so cordelia wants to date owen and angel and xander and then she even likes wesley because that's buffy's watcher. and buffy's hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, she's the slayer !

and willow is like ... buffy just wants friends. she wants to feel normal, and willow makes her feel normal. willow accepts her, she's safe and she's there. and then willow brings her back from the dead and suddenly they're not the same buffy and willow that they used to be. willow wants a quick fix for everything and buffy knows that the world doesn't work like that.

and anya is like ... she's buffy's constant. they understand each other, because they know exactly what they should be. a demon and a vampire slayer and they'll always be against each other, even if love gets in the way. and buffy needs anya because buffy needs the truth, the unfiltered, honest, truth that sometimes people can't give her, because they're blinded by what she his, and how she's good, but anya knows and sees her and understands her.

and spike is like ... he knows what buffy is and he's still in love with her. this is who she is now, this is what life has done to her and her friends can't accept that. but you know who does ? spike ... he wants her, he loves her, he'd die for her. he's always there for her. but he's empty just like her and she can't even look at him because she hates herself and he's everything that she is. if she loves him back, then she's loving herself too, even though she's wrong, even though she came back wrong. and if she allows herself to be loved by him, then that means it's over. he'll leave. because when she loves, and is loved back, they all leave.

[giftedeath]

[giftedeath]

quick  headcanon  i  always  felt  like  buffy  had  some  sort  of  “ spidey  /  sixth  sense ”  when it comes to  vampires.  like  yes  she  could  tell  them apart, pick them from a crowd easily ; especially since  they  stood  out  with  the  way  they  dressed / looked  in  general  …  but  also  on  dark  cemetery nights,  when  they  were  just  creeping  up  quietly  behind  her , her and them amongst wide open space  …  it’s  more  than  just  a  visual  thing,  it’s  a  feeling.  she  can  sense  them    …  that’s  a  part  of  a  slayers  ability  !  it's not an immediate thing , but it helps with her reaction time mostly. helps her get ahead , feel where they're attacking from. i  also  think  she  has  a  bit  of  night  vision,  probably  not  as  good  or  clear  as  maybe  what  a  vampire  has,  but  that  comes  into  play  because  she’s  always  fighting  them  at  night ,  so  i  think  it’s  an  elevated  type  of  vision  …  it’s  just  a  bit  better  than  what  a  normal  person  would  be  able  to  see  at  night,  and  helps  her  in  her  lil  slayer  duties  <3

[giftedeath]

what  kind  of  herb  are  you ?

garlic.         you  leave  an  impression  wherever  you  go.  your  heart  is  so  strong,  so  determined,  so  willing  to  go  after  whatever  hole  you  see  in  the  world,  whatever  wound  you  need  to  fix  next.  you're  there.  you're  justice,  hot  red  and  pure  gold,  fairness  incarnate,  a  paladin  in  shining  armor  come  to  protect  and  cleanse  and  heal  and  yet  sometimes  you  wonder  if  you're  the  most  corrupt,  dirty  being  in  the  world,  a  fraud,  a  monster  in  hero's  clothing.  the  world  is  so  intense  and  you  are  so  small,  so  fragile,  and  no  matter  how  hard  you  try  you're  never  good  enough.  you  want  to  be  good.  you  want  to  be  good  enough.  you  try  so  hard  and  yet  the  world  is  so  dark  and  angry  and  cruel.  perfection  is  always  just  out  of  reach  and  you  want  things  to  be  okay  so  bad  you  bleed  with  it.  you  just  want  things  to  be  right,  to  be  good,  to  be  fair,  but  you  don't  know  if  they  ever  can  be.  if  you  can  ever  be.

tagged  by: @aalexias ty <3 tagging: @wickedlehane @ashesrebirthed @oneyedchicklet @crownedhopelesss <3333

[giftedeath]

in my mind (the best place to be) xander and buffy were in constant competition over who could dress better (and sometimes they picked out each others outfits <3)

[giftedeath]

ok been putting this off for some time now but it needs to be said. some divergences under the cut

big thing is bangel, i don't really believe that she ever gave him 'hope' in season 7, cookie dough analogy aside, that they'd ever be anything other than what they had been for the last 4 years which was basically just exes who talked about saving the world sometimes. i think that they're just really so much cuter and so much funnier as friends and exes and two people who know that they fundamentally do not belong together, and that's ok. angel was so important to her, changed her, their relationship effected her years down the line ( riley too ) but he's the boyfriend she was in love with when she was a child. and i think apart of buffy growing and learning, is that she's never really going to be able to love him the same way she once did because she's not that girl anymore. and that's ok !! idk what the comics do with them, idrc, i just do know that their breakup/and the staying broken up is really essential to the way i write buffy. also think my beloved cordelia was much better suited for angel than buffy ever was. david fury said something about angel needing a "big smile" and he was right.

ok now the thing i've kinda been dreading lol spikey ... lets talk about spuffy yeah!! so... given all that we know, these 20+ years later, i think im just going to get to the point which is i don't acknowledge the writers' decision to make him an attempted rapist, don't care for it, i pretend like that scene in seeing red never happened. and there's layers to why, but basically, i just think it was unnecessary. the writers' way of punishing not only the audience for making a "soulless" vampire the fan favorite/forcing wh*don to keep him around, but also punishing buffy herself for having sex with him and enjoying it !! there's a lot of implications in that scene, i could go on forever but it was very cheap of them to do it, and basically in my head, spike doesn't need this scene to prompt him into getting the soul back because season six had already been a really good set up for that ie. when warren kills katrina / frames buffy and spike attempts to help her by getting rid of the body etc. it's the "why can't you understand why this is killing me?" and "i dont know why don't you try explaining it" im paraphrasing but that right there is enough for me and most of the audience to understand exactly why he would have gone to get his soul for her. also the "i know im not a man but u make me feel like one." but also just spike's general im not a man im not a demon then what am i ? arc !!! like its right there. i dont need to see my favorite character almost get sa'd by my other favorite character for that point to get across. it was definitely a condescending moment from the writers' room, we see it time and time again. ( most recently we saw it with aegon ii in house of the dragon ) "how do we make a character so evil how do we make the audience hate him ? ah yes rapist !" and im just not going to play into that <3 ( but there is also the subtext and very meaningful metaphor of spike being buffy's shadow self in s5/s6, he is empty w/out the soul - she is empty after being brought back/coming back wrong. he regains his soul in s7, and she is able to heal & love herself etc. etc. )

that's how i feel about that but also !!! i am a lesbian and this relationship has always spoken to me in a very queer way this post explains it so well. i rly suggest everyone read bc thats like . my mind

[giftedeath]

personally think the scoobies should have smoked weed more

[giftedeath]

buffy has early memories (fake/but real to both of them!!!!!!!) of dawn and these little letters that she'd push under buffy's door when dawn was extra mad at buffy about something.

it's just ripped up paper with dawn's messy handwriting that says " i hate you!!!!! - dawn" bc what are sisters really for !

[giftedeath]

more tags

she who hangs out a lot in cemeteries › ic.

i make a mockery of death and a spectacle of survival › hc.

death is your gift › study.

i may be dead but im still pretty › visuals.

nobody asked if i was ready › aesthetics.

if the apocalypse comes / beep me ! › answered.

why are you full of rage ? / because you are full of grief › meta.

i. suck the rot right out of my bloodstream › spike.

i. there's an ache in you / put there by the ache in me › dawn.

i. i am the shape you made me › giles.

i. a mother's shame can haunt a daughter's body › joyce.

i. my reflection and i were like rival animals › faith.

i. i was missing not a place but a person › willow.

i. he is my brother and i need a shovel to love him › xander.

i. everyone i love is not here › tara.

i. you are the only people i'd surrender my softness to › anya.

i. of course we were no full moon › oz.

i. as a penance / a lesson / a source of profitable humiliation › riley.

i. the kind of dream people have only when they're seventeen › angel.

dawn : there's an ache in you / put there by the ache in me

giles : i am the shape you made me

joyce : a mother's shame can haunt a daughter's body

faith : my reflection and i were like rival animals

willow : i was missing not a place but a person

tara : everyone i love is not here

xander : he is my brother and i need a shovel to love him

anya : you are the only people i'd surrender my softness too

oz : of course we were no full moon

riley - as a penance / a lesson / a source of profitable humiliation

angel - the kind of dream people have only when they're seventeen

spike - suck the rot right out of my bloodstream

what i am aches in me

the shame of being seen consumes me