#I Cannot Love You So I Shall Hate You Instead (Arturia)

[son-of-pendragon]

@iterare

[son-of-pendragon]

‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’ ((Magicofmuses - Saber/Arthuria Pendragon ))

Color rose to his cheeks almost immediately, blue-green eyes going wide for a moment. Arthuria – his King, his Father – was encouraging him? Discreetly pinching himself to ensure that he wasn’t dreaming, Mordred quickly responded, not wanting her to think him impertinent or ungrateful. “Y-Yes, of course! T-Thank you, Father!” …Smooth, real smooth. Now she was going to think he was even more of an undisciplined, stuttering, worthless child than he already was – !

Biting down on the inside of his lip to keep his anxiety at least somewhat under wraps, the Knight continued, using the copper tang of blood and the sharp sting of pain to force himself to sound more sure and confident this time. “I won’t give up, Father. Someday, I will show you that I am worthy to be acknowledged as your son and heir.” Bowing his head in a show of respect, Mordred just hoped he hadn’t completely ruined things between them yet again.

@magicofmuses

[teatitty]

crying in the club more like sleeping in the library (also go off about your dude (diar,,,,mude? diarmood??? im sOrry i dont know who he is) i Wanna Know More)

It has different pronunciations! he’s from Irish mythology but the way I learned how to pronounce it was Dee-are-múd. Irish names are tricky cuz no matter how you pronounce it one dialect region is gonna get mad and say you got it wrong so like /big shrugs/ u know?

Also ur so valid sleeping in the library is a m o o d

So like err I mean I already spoiled that he dies in Fate/Zero and it happens in episode 16 and maybe I’m mad he didn’t live till near the end but ANYWAYS!

I want him to be summoned as an Alter (basically, like, a darker version of how a Servant already is) and given wolfish traits. When he dies he’s, to my memory, the only Servant to do so while crying blood

And then once he actually realizes what’s happened (I won’t spoil how it happened but look it up on youtube if you want to it makes me Emo) his eyes go like this:

Which, like, WOOF u know? He dies with rage in his soul and his heart. His eyes have never looked more like a wolf’s then they do right here, it even looks like they’re reflecting the moon to me. In Irish literature, the Fianna (which were the band of men Diarmuid was apart of in his mythos) were often associated with wolves, even being depicted with wolfish features and/or wild and dishevelled, wearing wolfskins even.

Some believed they could turn into wolves and that they would eat both human flesh and that of animals. That lovely beauty mark under his eye is a curse he got from a fae so that every woman who looks upon his face shall fall instantly in love with him (this causes his original death in the mythos actually but we’re not here to discuss that right now.)

Basically, I want an Alter that leans into the more animalistic interpretations. Of course I’m not going to say no to him having wolf ears and/or a tail but I’m more thinking about his eyes staying as they are when he dies here, and giving him a jaw that looks like it should belong on a wolf instead of a human. 

I want to see him in wolf furs, dual-wielding a spear and sword like in his mythos, and I’d write him as being far more growly when he speaks, sneering down at people and snarling when he fights. I’d also have him abuse the love spot he hates so much, using it to his advantage because it’s caused him endless grief so why shouldn’t he lean into it if he might die again anyway?

I’d also give him his two dogs back! Especially M’Akolly, his wolfhound, whom he would take when he was out hunting huge animals. Hell, his dogs could even operate as a special Noble Phantasm (basically a super god move depending on the Servant) that can only be summoned during a full moon. 

He’d still have his honour as a knight, refusing to fight someone who is defenceless, but he also won’t go out of his way to help anyone either unless his motives happen to line up with theirs. Rather then looking for a good, honest fight like he was in Zero with Arturia, Alter Diarmuid would instead go for the kill and try to end things as soon as possible. 

Drawn out battles would annoy him at first, but eventually get him excited, showing hints of his former self. 

Lastly, should he be summoned with Fionn, Alter Diarmuid would have a single-minded purpose of killing Fionn himself, thus leaving him blind to almost everyone else, making him vulnerable but also volatile. Because he wants to kill Fionn with his own hand, it’s very likely he’ll help Fionn fight back other Servants just to have that opportunity. 

To end this off! Thank you for letting me go on about him and Zero is one of my favourite series ever, I cannot recc it enough however I will admit it’s very heart-wrenching and there are some really disturbing scenes in it so I know it’s not for everyone. 

[son-of-pendragon]

Mordred enjoyed fighting, that was simply a fact. He enjoyed testing himself against others, finding their weaknesses and then exploiting them later. The Knight of Treachery also enjoyed being sent to previously-cleared Singularities to fight, not truly minding whatever secondary objective he’d been given, which was most often collecting resources. Being assigned a partner tended to either go well or badly, the former if whomever it was allowed him to simply battle to his heart’s content, and the latter if they expected him to help with anything else. Fighting was what he understood, one of the few ways in which he knew how to connect to others, thanks to the ‘childhood’ he had had. Fighting was what he knew, fighting was what he was good at, fighting was the only thing that had ever seemed to satisfy Morgan even marginally.

His prowess in combat was what had incurred her disgusted, disappointed wrath the least often. Her lessons were cruel, and her punishments for his innumerable failures even harsher, leaving him almost completely unable to interact outside of combat. And, as if the gods hadn’t already enjoyed his misery enough, being a half-dragon homunculus had only ever made things worse. His conception was horrific, his birth twisted, and his life grotesque; his body being wrong was the only thing he and his so-called ‘mother’ had ever agreed on, besides how well he could fight. His skill in combat had been what earned him a place at his Father’s the King’s Round Table, but it had only ever hindered what had come after.

Morgan’s abuse still haunted him, played merry havoc with his mind and body, but it was Arturia’s words and cold disregard that still haunted his nightmares most of all. He hadn’t cared about being recognized as heir, or the throne, he could admit that to himself now. In truth, he had only ever wished for two things -- to make his Father happy enough to smile, and to have a Father in the first place. A parent that didn’t regard him as only a misshapen and broken tool; someone to love him, wholly and unconditionally (the way he thought perhaps his siblings might have, once upon a time). But then everything had gone down in flames because Morgan had taught him two things very well -- hatred and pain -- even if he only ever hated himself. And while some of his still aching, bleeding wounds had begun to be addressed by Kairi...

Being here in Chaldea was both a help and a hinderance. In some ways, he was healing, learning to connect with others slowly. Yet in other ways, he was still repeating his own childhood; he was never satisfied with himself, always expecting more and more and more, and still punishing himself when he inevitably failed to meet those expectations. It was a cycle of hate and pain, but it wasn’t one he knew how to break. And then something unexpected had occurred; Master paired him with his Father the King of Knights to enter a Singularity. Mordred had known of Arturia’s presence, had seen the way both the Knights of the Round and other Servants still flocked to her, both her and the other variants of herself. There was no way he could not have known, and yet...

He had naively hoped that he could avoid both her and the painful past they shared. Now that she and everything that had happened was staring him in the face, he instinctively reached for the armor that was both a shield and a prison to him. Unwilling to fall to pieces before the person he still looked up to, the younger blond was for perhaps the first time in centuries thankful for the prison Morgan had built to conceal his identity. Draconic slit pupils regarded Arturia from blue-green eyes, as her son forced himself to respond calmly, by sinking fangs into the inside of his cheeks until he tasted the iron tang of blood. From inside the horned helm, his voice came pleasantly a bit deeper than his usual pitch.

“What is it You wish of me, Majesty?”

He could shatter later, without witnesses to his shame.

starter for @son-of-pendragon !

Time had changed many things for the former king of Britain; while her resolve and drive for the Grail was very much the same, the way she thought about other things had drastically differed.

One of the most predominant changes came with her mindset about family, about how things had gone down once upon a time. Even so, broaching the subject of a time long passed was. . . a struggle in it's own way, especially when she was sure Mordred wanted to avoid the topic altogether.

So, for the time being, she remained stoic, biding her time until the moment presented itself.

What she didn't expect was for the two of them to be placed on a singularity together, the blonde's expression only barely showing her concern for this.

Well. . . this would be interesting.

“. . . Mordred.”

[son-of-pendragon]

Looking back upon the path and I I can't believe my eyes The boy that I was And the man that I've become

Breaking through some memory I still recall the scene From across the room Like something right out of a dream And now I sit here Trying to find the words To show you my love But they don't come

They just stay locked up in my head So I will vow until the day This body fades away To hold you high and I'll sing When the winter comes I'll scream your name Don't be afraid of What's beneath

When the reaper comes I'll hold you tight and I'll scream "Don't you take her away from me Don't you take her away" I lived my life a vagabond The path that I was on Better to leave than Leaving broken in the end                   But like a moth into the flame Your fire burned away All of the fear that I Held deep inside my heart And though I like it everyway You still decided to stay Dare to look inside and See me for who I am

So I will vow until the day This body fades away To hold you high And I'll sing When the winter comes I'll scream your name Don't be afraid of What's beneath

When the reaper comes I'll hold you tight and I'll scream "Don't you take her away from me Don't you take her away" And I'll see the face that I desire Don't let it burn away A small spark that grew into a fire Don't let it burn away                   When the winter comes I'll scream your name Don't be afraid of What's beneath

When the reaper comes I'll hold you tight and I'll scream "Don't you take her away from me Don't you take her away"

And I'll see the face that I desire Don't let it burn away A small spark that grew into a fire Don't let it burn away

@imperterritus @subparsanta / @cursedprotector @soleivagant @aeqcitas @licntari @dxrkestcamelot @reginaofcamelot @litreofsun

[son-of-pendragon]

Her arms swept upwards, bringing a simple-fashioned cloak above his head. Allowing the velvet fabric to wrap around Mordred's frame, a gentle smile graced upon the King's lips as ocean eyes softened at the sight of her son. The robe was of an identical fashion to Artoria's but instead, it was red-- a colour that suited him more rather than blue. ❝ Merry Christmas, my son. ❞

For once, Mordred didn’t hide his blush, didn’t hide what some part of himself still considered shameful from his Father. Instead, his hands came up to gently touch the fabric, suddenly feeling a warmth spread inside of him that had nothing to do with the temperature or even the cloak itself. Frame shaking almost as much as his hands were, he offered Artoria a trembling smile.

“Thank you,” he managed, voice hardly above a whisper.

@imperterritus

[son-of-pendragon]

@magicofmuses continued from here

When she reached out to touch him, Mordred instinctively flinched away. In any other situation, he likely wouldn’t have been spooked by Arthuria touching him, but in her severity and regality, she reminded him of his Mother, and so his mind had reminded him of the painful consequences of allowing Morgan to touch him. Immediately he regretted it, the blush staining his cheeks heating brighter as he hung his head in shame.

Feeling tremors being to skitter up and down his spine beneath his armor, he dropped to a knee instead of allowing his beautiful, glorious Father to see his weakness and shame. “I do not deserve the chance to redeem myself,” he managed, “but I will do everything in my power to be worth of redemption.” Which, of course, included punishing himself for his weakness and childishness. Just as Morgan had taught him from a young age.

[son-of-pendragon]

✧

@imperterritus

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better.✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

[son-of-pendragon]

@magus-kings-warriors continued from here

Grinning widely, repression razor-sharp as ever, Mordred practically raced to his Father’s side. After all, it was rare for the King to acknowledge his presence, and nearly unheard of for her to have so much as a civil word for him! “I eagerly look forward to it!” Perhaps that went without saying, but ever boyish, he tended to get just a touch tongue-tied around Artoria.

[son-of-pendragon]

I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless Lost under the surface I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware By becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow And every second I waste is more than I can take!

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware By becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too But I know you were just like me With someone disappointed in you