#I CANT STOP WONT STOP. i will come back &make several cakes

[derpinette]

if i could spend the whole day in the kitchen i would

[bloodycassian]

LEATHERBOUND PART 2 - Reader x Cassian

The bell at the front didn't ring when he stepped inside. The oddity of it made him stop in his tracks. That, and the pile of books you crouched over.  "What happened?" He gasped, taking in the small shop. There was broken glass inside, but the front window was already replaced. The shards cast a delicate shimmer over the entire inside. The mud caked onto the back wall where your desk sat reeked. "Are you okay?" Concern was painted plainly across his features. Rage roiled inside his gut at the thought of anyone who would do you harm. What if you had been inside when it happened?  He couldnt bare to think of it. Couldn't tempt himself to imagine what he would do to whoever did it. He would have showed them why the Lord of Bloodshed was named as such. His rage ceased when he saw the strain your wings showed as you tried to push one of the stacks of books back up. He rushed to your side and helped you push it up, only a few smaller novels fell out.  You waved him off, trying to ignore the way his concern made you downright giddy. "Some kids... It happens every now and again." You sighed, picking up the runaways from the floor. You were grateful your collection hadn't been damaged. Thankfully the spells had worked and warded against them actually entering the shop.  Cassian stooped to help you pick up the few that had fallen, then you noticed his boots. "Shoes!" You squeaked. He swore under his breath and kicked them off at the front, returning to help you. His muscle was a great help in re organizing. You got the piles straight this time, and without hurting yourself. You also didn't need a ladder to get the stacks all to the same height. "Anything else?" He asked, placing the final pile atop the last row.  "Ahh.." You glanced above the door where the bell no longer was. "If you could find me a new bell... I dont know what happened to the old one." The bell had been in the shop since it was your grandmothers. It did hold sentimental value, but nothing that would kill to be gone. It was on its final days anyway you told yourself.  "Any preference what kind?" He asked, flipping through a novel about Wyverns. He smiled a bit and set it back where it had been. The glass on the floor reflected rainbows all over the small rooms, it painted your skin with them. He tried not to stare at the beauty there. "One that works." You smiled. "I'm going to owe you that gold piece back for helping me."  "Dont worry about it. You can help me in return." You led him to your usual spot at the counter. He leaned against it casually, in a way that made him look at peace in your nook. Your heart squeezed at the thought of him being so at ease in your space. "We're looking for an old tome. Something that you would definitely recognize." He dragged a finger across the tabletop, along a long carved initial of some Illyrian child long ago. You hummed, thinking about the few tomes you'd encountered on your travels before settling in Illyria as a book merchant. "What year?" You asked, hoping to help in some way. Even if it was to steer him a different direction. You wanted to help him find whatever he needed.  "Unknown... it may be made from stone." He said, his voice quieting. You stilled at the words. The oldest stone tomes were the ones that meant no good was coming. The book of breathings had been one of them. You could feel the color drain from your face. He nodded, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking.  "It's important. If you know anything... please let me know." He gave you a grim smile and patted the desk. "And I expect that cake next time I come over too." He tapped the wood counter and gave you a quick goodbye. "If you need anything let me know!" He called halfway out the door.  You wished you could. You wished you did have some way to 'let him know'. you sulked in the back room for the rest of the day.  === "Where's my cake?" "It's been two weeks, I gave it to the shop next door." You scolded, putting the silvers from the last customer into your box. "It was going bad." You reasoned when he pouted at you. "Well was it good at least?" He pulled a blue and brown leather clad book from a shelf, observing it.  "I dont know, I didn't try it." You admitted, stepping back from the wall to see your newest decoration. A nice wooden clock that you had repaired.  He looked at you with an appalled expression.  "Despite you not making good on our deal, I made good on mine. Your bell, as requested." He presented the small bronze bell with a hook to you. You grinned, taking it from him and testing it. He watched your eyes light up at the sound. It wasn't just a bell. It was a chime. It rang out different sounds from each angle it hit. "Cass-" He stopped you, ready for your protests.  "You cant make me return it. I threw the box in the Sidra and they wont take it back without it." He was smug about it. And he didn't feel bad about making you take the gift either. His hope soared when you gave him a glare, but dinged the bell again.  "Well... you need to install it." You nodded to the empty hook above the door. He smiled wildly and got to work. If he was honest with himself, any reason to be around you more was welcome. Even if it was as simple as replacing a bell. Hell if he could read a book to you that'd be a dream for him.  He was addicted. He had to admit it to himself. But he didn't have the willpower to quit you. It was a strange feeling. He normally had resentment ever visiting Illyria, but lately it had been nothing but joy at the prospect seeing you. You went to the back room, weaving around stacks upon stacks of books. There had been more incoming lately, due to a temple in Summer court being destroyed. The books salvageable were sent all over Prythian, and somehow most ended up with you. The bell chimed, loud and musical. It would take a few weeks to get used to it. It filled you with a joy that sparked. "That sounds great!" You called, bringing over a book that you had set aside for him. It was one of the older ones in the collection, and one of the worst smelling. You wanted to show him in part just to see his reaction to the smell. It had been at the bottom of one of the stacks that had gotten knocked over when the window was broken. "The Ancient ones? Are you making an age joke at me?" He gave you a mock glare, but flicked open the book. You closed it sharply, giving him a look he didn't understand.  "If I was it would be an insult to myself as well. It's the only book I could find that even mentioned what you're after." You flicked the small bookmark you had indicated the page with. Your eyes locked on to his, marveling for a second at the deep hazel there. "You should look at it, later." Your eyes darted behind him where someone approached your door. Your heart dropped. Behind the woman stood a group of Illyrians across the way, pointing at the shop and making large gestures. "I'll be seeing you." You dismissed Cassian, holding open the door for the familiar old woman with shriveled wings. She gave him a nod and kicked her small slippers off with ease. The males across the way turned back into their own conversation when Cassian appeared at the doorway. His eyebrows knit together at your rushing him, but he saw himself out. The bell dinged behind him when he left. The coldness of the wind did nothing to ease the worry he felt for your reaction. Did you not want to be seen with him? Was he supposed to be keeping your meetings a secret? He glanced back to the large storefront window, where you showed the female a section of novels on the far wall. You didn't glance back.  The market bustled with life, several vendors calling out deals and different items they offered. A group of loud males spat at the snow slicked ground as he passed. He ignored the rumble of rage in his stomach, continuing on to the edge of a cliffpoint off the back of a shop.  He took off with a yearning deep inside the pit of his stomach.

[lambvein]

Cheerful Host-part 9 (Reupload)

The past months have been hell on earth. A nightmare come true. These dumb fucking bimbos have been training me to reply to their every command whether it be to finger my pussy or fondle my nipples or bounce up and down to make my massive knockers bounce in public…but I wont give in to their orders!…unfortunately I have a bad feeling my decision to disobey will prove fruitless and harmful to me and my assets.

“Where are you taking me? Why are we going back to the mall, havent you embaressed me enough in that victoria’s secret earlier? What else could you sluts possibly want?” I spoke to the hive of bimbos in an annoyed tone.

Juggs responded “well a perfect bimbo needs a perfect makeover isnt that right ladies? And what better place to start than getting those already fat lips pumped up even more hehe!”.

“What?!?! No, please I already have ridiculously fake, plastic jugs and booty please I cant handle any more implants!” I begged the bimbos.

“Thats exactly the point silly billy! We, like already pumped up your tits and ass so now we need to top off this bimbo cake with some big, fat, fake dick sucking lips!” ariana spoke in a mocking voice.

I began to tear up at the thought of how goofy I would look with massive fake lips and how hard it would be to speak or communicate

“Please ladies, dont do this to me I will do anything…anything at all!”.

“Awe mega mountains thats cute, if we want something from you we will make you do it…speaking of which…play with us right now! Hands on your tits and pussy, girl!” Juggs demanded.

“WHAT!?!? Were in the middle of a fucking mall are you crazy?!?!” I whispered into my cleavage as to not seem crazy infront of the crowd of mall-goers bustling the crowded building.

“EXACTLY!” The bimbos all shouted at once.

I then began to feel the all too familiar feeling of my pussy and nipples swelling up…it felt…AMAZING.

“wont you play with us now, mountains…come on you know you want too” nicki spoke in a seducing, childish tone.

“Hurry up bitch, were not letting you go anywhere until you obey us!” Jugs shouted in the back of my mind.

I gave in to the feelings and dove my hands into my tight top and shorts and began to play with myself. My attempts to stifle my moans proved to be no help as every passing pedestrian either looked at me disgusted, whistled at me or copped a feel themselves.

“Hmmmm these horny guys grabbing a feel gives me an idea, mountains present your huge jugs to the next chick that walks by and beg her to feel you up hahahaha!” Juggs suggested, the other 59 bimbos controlling me all laughed at my situation and decided to pump up the sensitivity in my delicate areas.

The slightest brush from my tight clothes was enough to bring up an accidental squeal in ecstasy. Without hesitation I hefted my titties up to an approaching goth high schooler who had just exited the mall’s hot topic.

“Please, please play with my tits! I need release so bad!” I shouted at the young lady as my knees were shaking and my arms were swiftly giving out from attempting to carry my enormous knockers.

“What the fuck!?!? No way you dumb bimbo!” The goth hissed at me before storming off, dissapearing into the dense crowd of shoppers.

“Girls, please make this end. My shorts are soaking wet and im so tired from hefting my boobs around in everyones faces amd playing with myself for the past hour” I begged the bimbos.

Juggs replied “Okay fine mountains…we will save this for later when your makeover is done!”.

The bimbos all squealed at my suffering as they swiftly brought me back to my feet out of my puddle of pleasure and strutted me over to the mall’s lip injection clinic. The sluts strapped me down to a leather chair in the back of the store as a curvy nurse holding several needles appeared.

“Oh my god can we please talk abou…” my speech was cut off by the nurse pumping the needles into my face all at once.

The sensation of my lips filling to the brim with silicone felt terrible. It took several minutes to finish her injections and by the time she finished half of my view was obstructed by my now cartoonishly large top lip.

“Mmpppff mmppff mmpppfff!” I lost the ability to open my mouth enough to create words.

My lips have become too fat and heavy to be able to open my mouth. “Perfect! I have never done silicone injections that large before but I made a special case for you so you better enjoy it!” The nurse said to me in a cheerul tone as she grabbed a handful of my bottom lip to test its thickness.

“This is perfect! No more backtalk from miss mega mountains!” Nicki interjected.

The sluts all cackled at my inability to speak as I was lifted up off the leather seat and out of the nurse’s office.

“Next stop, a new wardrobe!” Jugs announced.

“Mmmmmppppfff!” I attempted to plead to the sluts.

“Silly mountains theres no point in rebelling. We just took away your one way of communicating with the outside world. You are all ours now” juggs said with a triumphant jiggle of my colossal titties.

“Now play with us…or else…” Nicki demanded.

I didnt hesitate and quickly stuffed my hands down my bra and worked my nipples as best as I could to satisfy the bimbos. Several people passing by either gave me a dirty look, blushed, looked away or hollered at me like some kind of dog. After several minutes and many awkward interactions we approached a lingerie shop I had never noticed in the mall before.

“Alright ladies GO WILD!” Juggs announced to her hive of sluts as I was forced to sprint into the sex shop as my big boobs hit me in the face several times.

The sluts selected several outfits: a christmas themed bikini, a sexy nun costume, a leopard print bodysuit, an obviously too small tracksuit, a latex devil outfit and a tiny pair of panties with an equally miniature bra to go with it. I was practically pushed into the change rooms by my swarm of sluts to the confusion of the clerk at the store and got a look in the mirror at my current situation. I felt like breaking down crying.

I looked like a cartoon character, I barely fit in the change room with my enormous caboose and fat melons attached to me and to top it off I now sported the biggest pair of fake lips I have ever seen, they reached past my chin and rested just below my eyes “MMMMMPPPPFFF!”.

“Like what you see, mega mountains?” Juggs taunted.

“MMMMMMPPPPPFFF!”.

“Yeah, we are all pretty sexy together arent we, I suppose you should be thanking us that there is no reverse spell to separate us…yeah…were one big bimbo together forever.” Juggs mocked as I stared in utter shock at what I had become.

“Ummm excuse me if you are done, like, pouting we have some outifts to try on” kim said in a spiteful tone.

The girls then reached for their first outfit…the santa bikini. All the outfit consisted of was a red mini bikini with a santa hat. The bimbos finished dressing me up and proceeded to put me in as many lusty poses as they could think of, it was so degrating watching my now ruined body being paraded around like this. Every single one of my private bits were on full display…my large and in charge nipples are easily distinguished from the tiny fabric of the bikini top, the bottom of the bikini served as nothing other than a string of cloth rammed up my ass and served no other use other than to split my fat pussy lips. After several minutes the bimbos decided to move on to my next outfit…a sexy nun outfit…compared to my last get up this outfit was actually quite conservative. The costume consisted of a regular nun’s cap and robe with the main draw being the large frame in which the purpose is to display as much cleavage as humanly possible and of course the sluts spared no time as they adjusted my boobs until as much titflesh was spilling out as possible. They became bored of the maid outfit rather quickly probably due to how much skin it covered. The next suit the bimbos decided to stuff me into was a leopard print bodysuit, after zipping up the suit my breath was sucked away as the suit hugged and pushed up all of my curves.

“MMMMPPPPFPFF!” I tried as best as I could to communicate to the bimbos that I couldnt breathe under all my titflesh but my begs were of to no avail as the sluts continued to pose me in any way they pleased without a hitch.

“Damn girls look at our tits! This cleavage goes on forever and ever!” Ariana spoke in a lustful tone to her fellow sluts.

My next outfit was an extremely tight tracksuit. My enormous junk in the trunk was tucked into the extra small tights resulting in a brought up squeal from the cameltoe being firmly set in whilst the tights run deeply into my own ass crack, next the track jacket was zipped all the way up resulting in my titties looking like beanbag chairs stuck in a suit.

“Ooooohh I like this outfit! And it seems like mountains is enjoying it as well. Look how much shes blushing!” Kim pointed out.

“I know what will really get mountains going” juggs said as she took over my whole body.

I felt my lips open as I was forced to speak into the mirror…wait how was she making me talk with my fat, fake lips?!?!

“Hey samantha…enjoying the ride? I sure hope you are because its going to get so much sweeter…we will never stop recruiting sluts to join our hive and you will never escape being the host of our hive. You will never be rid of your massive knockers, your big fat booty or us…so get used to it bitch because you are under new management. The bimbos management” Juggs finished her speech and returned to her respective consiousness in my jugs.

I felt like crying but my big fake lips only allowed me to hold a ridiculous duck face as I stared full view at my figure. Whilst I was distracted the sluts undressed me from the tracksuit and quickly suited me up into a hot red latex bodysuit and attachable devil horns. The slut squad stuffed my extreme assets into the bodysuit to the point of deriving severe discomfort from within the suit. “Perfect!” Jugs announced as she assessed the fruits of her labour by fondling my tight implants and injections.

“Yes, a million times yes! Lets roll girls!” Juggs announced to her fellow bimbos as I strutted out of the sex shop.

“Mmmmppppfff mmmpppff!” I tried conveying to the sluts my terrible discomfort due to the constraints of the bodysuit but my begs and moans fell on deaf ears as they kept bouncing me along like some kind of pornstar preparing for a shoot.

I looked absolutely ridiculous, I looked like jessica rabbit going to a bdsm convention.

“*ahem* we need some attention down here mountains, come on dont you know how to be a good guest?” Jugs spoke in a sharp, snarky tone.

I stuffed my hands down the front of my suit which only made my discomfort more extreme and began working my nipples to please the bimbo hive.

“Now don't you dare take your hands off your tits until we say so or you will feel the wrath of the bimbos” juggs hissed.

I continued playing with my mountains as I was forced to walk through the entire mall as if to display to everyone what I had become, this is so fucking humiliating. My face was burning red by this point which only further put my heavy makeup job front and centre. It took several minutes to exit the mall and by the time we had my pussy was ready to burst but the sluts refused to supply me release. With my new outfit pushing up my knockers and booty combined with my new fat lips I now felt even more embarressed to be seen in public. The people only see me as a bimbo now and now with my massive lips I cant even talk back…I am now a passenger to my own body at the horny hands of 60 bimbos, sluts, whores and strippers….wait why are we going back to the strip club!?!?!…

[sikereviewdotcom]

strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet]

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th 

Mood/anxiety = numb. 

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick. 

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO. 

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done. 

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep. 

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator. 

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship. 

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same. 

---Emotionally it hurts the same. 

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way. 

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they  could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me  buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am. 

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation. 

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate. 

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally. 

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety -  still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested. 

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way. 

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean. 

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board. 

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum. 

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far. 

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine. 

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict. 

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed. 

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings. 

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days. 

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely. 

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness". 

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room. 

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod. 

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am. 

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes. 

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok. 

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change 

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house. 

We are having a picnic social distancing style. 

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around.  But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is 

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction) 

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives. 

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball  gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant. 

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past. 

[faketextstuff]

The Arrangement PT5

Summary:: You’ve never imagined yourself being a sugar baby but because of some playful friends and a stroke of luck, you find yourself with a man who is apparently willing to give you the moon and stars. The only problem is, no strings attached. Don’t catch feelings, don’t fall for a man who thinks money can solve all your issues and doesn’t want commitment outside of the contract.

Warnings: Angst

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

A/N:: I’m not happy with this chapter at all. I rewrote it 4 times and it still turned out like crap. I promise the good stuff is coming I just needed to introduce a few more people and give a bit of angst. I guess if you guys want a part 6 let me know. I’m sooooooo sorry this part isn’t good at all.

The next day went on as normal. Only a few texts from Yoongi throughout your day, a simple “Good morning, babygirl” and around lunch you got another text “Cant wait to see you tonight. Dont be late.” That was about it. He didnt call, to which you were glad. You were not allowed to have cellphones out at work but you still kept yours deep inside your apron at work. The closer it got time to get off, the more anxious you became. Were you really going on a date with your sugardaddy tonight? What was he expecting of you? What were you expecting of him? How was this relationship going to work. Your mind was a buzz with all the questions and causing you to become very distracted at work.

Shockingly today was much busier than a normal day. Your regular customers came in, but in the back booth near the restrooms sat a man you had never seen before. You remembered seeing him come in not long after your shift started and now you had been working for seven hours and he was still there. He had his laptop open and was busily typing away at something. It wasn’t uncommon for college students to come in and take advantage of the free Wifi your restaurant provided, but no one ever stayed for seven hours!

You chose to let the man be, and continue working the best you could. It was your last table of the night and you were carrying a tray full of half consumed glasses of red wine away from the table when out of no where, a customer pushed out their chair in front of you causing you to stumble and pour the whole tray of drinks all over yourself and the floor. A few droplets landing on the customer’s expensive looking white shoes.

You gasped, glancing down at your own red stained white shirt. “I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU! YOU CLUMSY OAF!” The customer wailed, intent on causing a scene.

“I’m so sorry!” You pleaded, bowing your head deeply in regret. “Are you alright?” You asked, glancing up through your now wine soaked hair.

The lady who had bumped into you was a rather beautiful woman. She had dyed blonde hair and appeared to be wearing expensive clothing that you had only ever seen in magazines. Her face was caked in make up but she still looked amazing and very elegant. Her expression, however, was cold and unforgiving as she glared daggers at you.

“No I’m not okay!” She squealed as everyone in the restaurant grew quiet and turned to see the scene unfolding before their very eyes. “These shoes cost a fortune and your clumsy little ass just ruined them!”

You weren’t sure how, but you managed to bow even lower, your cheeks flushing from embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. I can pay to have them replaced.” This caused the lady to scoff and wad up her napkin, throwing it in your face. “As if a lowly server like you could afford even half of what it’ll cost to replace these shoes. They were a gift! You cant replace memories!”

Her words stung and burned like a fire. You knew you were well off but did she have to insult you like that? In front of so many people. “I’m so sorry.” You muttered as your boss pushed his way over towards you and the irate customer.

He stood next to you and bowed deeply. “I am the owner of this establishment, may I ask what just happened?” He asked, sending you a glare the moment you decided to glance over at him. You knew right away he wouldn’t have your back. He never had your back and he had been looking for legit reasons to fire you. The two of you had never had a good relationship since the day you refused to put up with his sexual harassment. He didn’t take well to your rejection but you both had agreed to at least try and work in peace. He’d leave you alone and not fire if you never spoke of his failed advances. Of course he never did anything physical, just a few lewd comments here and there and lingering eyes that made you uncomfortable.

“I’ll tell you what happened!” The lady screamed, pointing a well manicured finger at you, a look of disgust etched on her face. “Your employee just spilled red wine all over my shoes! These are irreplaceable!” Her voice quivered now as she spoke. Clearly she was putting on a show for your boss who was clearly buying it by shooting you glares every so often.

“It was an accident, I didn't mean to ruin her shoes.” You muttered in a small voice, your anger was building up with each passing minute.

Your boss just held up a hand, signaling you to stop speaking that moment. The angry look in his eyes turning into something much more sinister. You averted your gaze to the floor and you were sure that you would be looking for a new job in just a few short hours, he had been searching so long for a legit reason and this woman's rage would fit right into his plans. “I apologize miss, we normally dont allow such foolish mistakes to happen in our establishment. Rest assured I will make sure this never happens again.”

The lady scoffed and grabbed her coat from the back of her chair, tossing the expensive material over her dainty shoulders.  As she opened her mouth to speak, another voice came from behind you. “I believe you're overacting, Miss. It was clearly an accident on this young woman's part. Yours however is debatable.”

As you turned your head, you saw the man who had been sitting alone in the back booth all day walking up to the three of you. His smile was bright and very inviting, however his tone didn't match his warm friendly smile. His voice was dripping with venom as he spoke, standing right behind you. His dark gaze never once faltering from the woman's. You turned your eyes back to the women who had a deer in headlights look on her face, her face going pale. “Hoseok?” She muttered out, her body visibly tensing.

“I saw you watching this woman gathering up those wine glasses and you waited until she got right behind you to push your chair out. To anyone it would appear that you set up this girl to spill the wine all over herself.” The man spoke again, his head tilting to the side slightly.

“That’s ridiculous, Jung Hoseok!” The lady snapped back. Mention of the man's name caused the restaurant to erupt into whispers.

Your own eyes went wide and your head shot over to the man behind you, sure enough this was Jung Hoseok. You had seen him on TV many times, he was a famous dance instructor that was the head and face of many dance colleges and he worked with all the best idols, mapping out their dances. If anyone was dancing, it was normally to his choreography.

“I think I can provide several people who would agree that a childish stunt like this isn't beneath you, Caroline.” Hoseok's eyes narrowed and his tone lowered, making him sound much more threatening. “Shall I call one of them now? I'm sure he'd love to get this phone call.”

The lady, “Caroline”, quickly shook her head and grabbed up her purse. “No. That wont be necessary.” She spoke in a hurried tone before glancing at your boss. “I'll forgive this incident once, make sure this doesn't happen again.” She snapped before walking past you, intentionally knocking your shoulder with hers as she walked past, causing you to stumble back into Hoseok who placed his hands on your shoulders. Making sure you didn't fall.

Once Caroline walked out of the door your boss turned to you, his eyes burning with rage, “Miss L/N, please come to my office. I need to speak with you in private.”

“Hold on a second, don't take this out on her. She's innocent.” Hoseok once again came to your rescue, placing himself between you and your boss.

“It's okay, sir.” You spoke softly, bowing lowly to him. “Thank you for your assistance and sticking up for me.” Before he could open his mouth to speak you quickly followed your boss towards the back where you knew the fate that awaited you beyond the old wooden doors. Once inside and locked away from the public, your boss let loose a string of verbal assaults that had your eyes brimming with tears. He scolded you for being noticeably distracted all day, for being careless enough to clear a table that wasn't in your section that resulted in the scene that just unfolded. Every time you tried to defend yourself, he shot you back down with something else you had done wrong in the past, it wasn't a long list but with the venom in his voice it almost had you painted to be the worst server he had ever had the misfortune of working with.

“I swear to god, Y/N! I don't know where your head is but causing a scene today in front of everyone, especially in front of Jung Hoseok, is unforgivable! I know you've worked hard in the past but I cannot allow you to continue working here after something like that.” He sighed while rubbing his temples.

You brought your hands up and wiped away the tears that managed to slip down from your eyes. A soft sniffle coming from you. “Please don't fire me. I can't afford to lose my job right now. I'm already behind on this months rent...and last months. What happened today was an accident and it clearly wasn't my fault.”

“Your financial problems are not my concern! My only concern is making this restaurant grow and gain more popularity. How do you think it's gonna effect business to see if that woman leaves a nasty review of our establishment? I cannot allow this to happen. I'm sorry, but...” He paused, shaking his eyes as he pulled the paychecks from his desk, handing you an envelope that had your name on it. “This is your last full check from us. If you want, keep the tips you've earned from your tables, but that is all I can do for you. Please collect your things and go home. I'll mail you your final paycheck next week.”

You stood there in shock for a few moments before stepping forward, snatching the paycheck from his hand. “Don't play dumb, you firing me has nothing to do with what happened today. You wanted me gone since I refused to suck your dick for better hours. You can take this job and shove it up your stuck up, wannabe rich boy ass. Good luck finding an employee that'll work the shit hours you gave me for such little pay. You alone will run this place into the ground, not one crazy lady's bad review.”

You surprised yourself with the rage that flowed from you as you snapped at your boss who sat there slack jawed and wide eyed at your little outburst. You didn't even give him time to speak before turning swiftly and rushing out of the office. You had to get out of there, fast and now!

After grabbing your things, you ran out of the restaurant, angry tears falling down your face as you stomped away from the building. You didn't get far until you noticed Hoseok waiting by the curb beside a large black SUV, and he wasn't alone. Next to him stood the one man who weren't expecting to see, at least not for several hours, Yoongi.

Time seemed to stand still the moment his eyes locked onto yours. His expression was a mixture of anger and sadness the moment he saw you. He stepped away from Hoseok and slowly made his way over to you. His large hands going up to cup your face the moment you tried to look away. The pads of his thumbs wiping away the fresh tears that began to stream down your face. “Babygirl.” He sighed, tilting your head up so your eyes met his.

As your eyes met his, your lower lip quivered and unable to stop yourself you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him. You weren't sure why but in this moment, all you wanted was a hug from him. Something to comfort you and make you feel even an ounce better. You hated showing a man you hardly knew this moment of weakness but you were scared. You were now jobless and if you couldn't pay rent, soon you'd be homeless. You half expected him to pull away from you so you just held him as tight to your body as you could and buried your face in his suit coat.

He never pulled away, much to your surprise, instead he wrapped both his arms tightly around your shoulders and held you tight to his chest, his chin resting on your shoulder as he rubbed your back soothingly. “It's okay, baby. I got you.” He muttered softly into your ear.

“W-Why are you here?” You managed to ask, trying desperately to dry up your tears.

“Hoseok is a friend of mine. He called me and told me what happened. I was on this side of town so I had to come check on my girl.” He muttered, his fingers running up and down your back slowly causing you to relax in his arms. You found it odd that a friend of Yoongi's happened to be at your restaurant only hours after the contract signing but honestly, in this moment you could careless. You were just glad he showed up to check on you. “I can explain everything in the car. Let me take you home so you can get a shower.”

You shook your head and turned your head so your cheek was pressed to his chest, your ear right over his heart that you could hear was beating extremely fast. “I don't care, I'm just glad you're here right now.” You confessed. His arms around you giving you a gentle squeeze.

“I'll always be here for you, Babygirl.” He sighed before pulling away slightly, his hand gently taking yours as he pulled you towards his car. “Let's go. I want to hear everything from you in the car.”

Nodding, you slid into the open back door before giving Hoseok a sad smile. Yoongi went to get in after you but paused just long enough to turn towards his friend, his expression hardening for just a moment. “Find Caroline. I don't care what it takes, find out where that bitch is staying.” He hissed. You were a bit taken back at the tone Yoongi used but said nothing.

“I will. Leave it to me.” He nodded before shutting the door after Yoongi got into the back with you.

He instructed the driver to go by just telling him to go home. The two of you sat in silence for a long moment, his hand still gripping yours. You turned your hand so your fingers laced with his as you two just sat there both looking of opposite windows. Your free hand was wiping away the remainders of your tears before you turned to look at him. “Who is she?”

Yoongi sighed softly and lowered his head for a moment, not once looking over at you. “She's a virus. One that keeps popping up.” He muttered, just jaw clenching slightly. “Remember how I told you that the contract was to help protect you from my former women? Well, she's the main one.”

“Oh..” You muttered while glancing down at your hand that was still held in his, your heart dropping down into the pits of your stomach.

“Somehow she found out who you were and went after you instead of me. How she found you so quickly, I don't know. Normally she goes after me and tries to get in me a scandal. I'm so sorry. I intended on keeping you out of this. I didn't think she'd go as far as to show up to your work.” He glanced over to you and with his free hand, he placed two fingers under your chin and lifted your head so he could see your face. “That's why I had Hoseok watching out for you. I was worried about your safety. I came as soon as he called me saying she was there but she was long gone by the time I got there.”

“It's not your fault. My boss was looking for a reason to fire me, she just gave him the out he needed to get rid of me.” You sighed, scooting over closer to him so you could rest your head on his shoulder.

Yoongi stiffened and let out a low sigh of frustration. “He fired you? After Hoseok told him it was all her fault?”

You nodded and just sighed softly. “I came onto me once and said he'd pay me more and give me better hours if I agreed to sleep with him, of course I refused so he always wanted me gone since then.”

“I'll kill him.” Yoongi growled softly, his hand releasing yours as he wrapped his arms almost protectively over your shoulder and pulled you closer to him.

“Don't get upset. It was a long time ago.” You shook your head and nuzzled closer into his side, the chill from the still soaked shirt making you shiver. “He'll get whats coming to him in the end. One day some will put him in his place and he'll lose everything he's worked for. The only reason I endured it was because it's so hard for find a job these days.”

Yoongi moved so his head was resting on top of yours, his fingers playing with the sticky strands of your hair. “I can help you until you get back on your feet.”

“I dont want your money, Yoongi. I got myself into this mess I can figure a way out.”

This caused him to laugh softly and turn his head so his lips brushed against the top of your head. “Babygirl, you still haven't figured out this sugardaddy thing have you? I signed a contract to pay you and take care of you while you give me company. Helping you in what I'm going to do. I'm also going to protect you from Caroline. I swear she wont get close to you again. Once I find her I'm gonna make sure she's locked up in a nice padded room where she cant hurt anyone again.”

You smiled softly for the first time that day since you received his text messages and just closed your eyes. For a moment you felt better, like even though you lost your job, that everything was going to be okay as long as you had this man by your side. Which was an odd feeling for you since you had only just met him.

The rest of the car ride went on in silence until you found yourself back at his office building. “What are we doing here?” You asked with an arched brow, your head lifting from his shoulder. “I thought you were taking me home?”

“I never said your home, babygirl. You got to go in, get a shower and then I have a friend who is going to take you someplace nice so you can get ready for our date tonight. You've had a rough day so for the rest of the day you're about to be pampered like the queen you are until I come to get you.” He smirked slightly.

[socialoutsiderwritings]

Only Forever

A/N: based off of Demi Lovato’s song ONLY FOREVER because every time I hear it I feel some typa way.

Warnings: Language , Smut (NSFW 18+) Practice safe sex , kiddos.

16 YRS Old

 Y/N watches as he downs his shot before bending down over the table , lining up the pool stick with the cue ball. She loved the way his eyebrows furrowed and how his tongue would peak out of his mouth when he was focused. She smiled to herself when he raised his arms up in excitement after making his shot. “Your turn , princess.” He smiled. She felt the slight burning on her cheeks , blushing. She downed her shot and bent over lining up her pool stick with the cue ball , ready to take her shot. “Wait.” Her eyes follow him as he gets up from his spot and over to her. He stands behind her , one hand positioning her elbow at the right angle. The other holding his weight on the edge of the pool table as he lowers himself down. She can feel his hot breath blowing on her ear. Her body stiffens as she feels his entire body on her backside. “Relax.” He whispers. She does as she’s told. “Ok. Now take your shot. Not too hard.”  She takes a deep breath , pulling the stick back several inches before striking the cue ball , softly but with enough power , and making her ball in. She grins widely as she straightens her posture. “Its all in the elbow.” He says , tapping his elbow. She laughs , shaking her head softly at his antics. “We’ve got the 8 ball left.” Pointing at the black ball on the table. “Lets make this interesting.” He smiles , devilishly. “Winner gets to ask for whatever they want. Loser pays the tab.” She rolls her eyes, “Thats not fair. You know i’ve suck at this game.”

“I know. Maybe this will give you enough motivation to not suck.” He shrugs. “I’ll be nice enough to let you go again. 3 chances to make the ball.” She thinks it over a minute before sticking her hand out , “You’ve got yourself a deal , bub.” He chuckles as he grabs her hand giving it a quick shake. She focuses as she takes her first shot and misses. She looks over at him and he shrugs. She positions herself in front of the cue ball again. She takes a deep breath and takes her shot. Fail. The pool stick goes over the cue ball and her head falls low, mentally cursing herself. “It’s alright , Princess. Hmm...? What do I want , what do I want?” She lifts her head up to glare at him as he playfully taps his chin. “I still have one shot left , asshole.” She says as she walks over to the other side of the pool table. She lowers herself down , calculating her last shot. She gives herself an assuring nod as she positions herself one last time. She takes in a deep breath , and shoots. Her mouth drops as the ball moves closer and closer to the corner pocket. She brings her hands up in midair , ready to shoot them up and celebrate her victory when suddenly the ball stops. “WHAT?!” She yells. He comes over to her , laughing. “Better luck next time , kiddo.” He ruffles her hair , and bends down over the table making his last shot with ease. “That doesnt count.” She pouts , fixing her hair. “Of course it does.” He smiles , proudly. She rolls her eyes as she digs in to her front pockets , pulling out 40$. “Not so fast. Winner goes first.” He smiles. She rolls her eyes , waiting for whatever ridiculous thing he’s going to ask for. Swear ,if he asks me for my friend’s number again I’m gonna- ”What is your deepest darkest secret.?” He interrupts her thoughts. “What?” She raises an eyebrow at his question. “You heard me. “ he slowly walks towards her. “I see the way you look at me when you think i’m not looking.” He stands just a few feet away from her , reaching out , placing his hands on her waist. “I feel the way you tense up when I’m near you.” He pulls her towards him. “The way you blush when I call you Princess.” He brings a hand up to caress her cheek. Her breathing becomes ragged as she gazes up in to his eyes. “The way you feel about me. That’s your deepest darkest secret isnt it? I want to know.”

“How can you be so sure , it is?” She challenges , causing him to smirk. “We wont know until you say it.” He drops his hands from her body and begins to back away slowly. She grabs both of his wrists stopping him. “I love you.” She blurts. “I’m sorry what was that?” He raises his hand up to his ear , smiling , messing with her. She playfully smacks him and he places his hands on her waist again , looking down at her. “I said,” she rests her wrists on his shoulders , as her thumbs gently trace his jaw, “I love you. Forsythe Pendleton Jones the second.”

He smirks. “Well guess what , Y/F/N. I love you , too.” She smiles , and he brings himself down to kiss her.  He pulls away “Just so we’re clear , this isnt a best friend type of ‘I love you’ right?” “No.” She giggles. “Ok , good.” He smiles , and she raises herself up on her tippy-toes to kiss him again.

18 YRS OLD

“Do you really have to go?” She whines. She looks up at him from where she sat on the bench. “Even if I didnt want to, its too late , i’m already here.” They were both waiting for the bus to take FP to the airport. She looks over at the backpack next to her. The only things he owned , stuffed inside. She pulls the pamphlet from the side pocket , opening it. “Of all the other things you could have done. You chose the Army?” She sighs , stuffing the pamphlet back inside. “If it gets me outta this town. I’m up for it.” He slides the backpack over to the other side and he takes a seat next to her. “I’ll be back. Eventually. If I dont die.” She rolls her eyes as he chuckles. “It’s just bootcamp. I’ll be gone for at least 6 months. No biggie.”

“Cant you take me with you?” She grabs on to his arm , shaking it slightly. “C’mon , kid.” He brings a hand up to remove her grip on his arm. “You’ll be alright. I promise to call you. And when I cant call. I promise to write. You just gotta remember not to forget about me.” He winks. He grabs his backpack , slipping the strap over his shoulder as the bus begins to pull up. “Like I would ever forget you.” She sighs. He gives her a quick kiss on the forehead before walking up to the bus. “Remember.” He calls back to her. She nods and watches him board. She stops the tears from falling as she watches the bus take the love of her life away for 6 months.

As the months pass , FP’s contact with Y/N went from constant to every once in a while. She reread his letters over and over when he didn’t call. She would write to him when she didn’t receive a new letter. She missed him , and just wanted to know if he missed her too. When the 6th month was finally up , He called her to tell her he wouldn’t be coming back. Not for another three years at least. He had signed up to do some work in South Korea. He sounded so happy , she couldnt tell him how much it killed her. So she smiled , congratulated him and told him she couldnt wait to see him in three years. He thanked her and promised to bring back a souvenir or two for his best girl.

21 YRS OLD.

She hugged her jacket closer to her as she sat at the same bus stop she watched the love her life leave. She was the only one there. She wished she had brought a bigger , thicker jacket. It was freezing. The sun was barely rising. FP called her to tell her he was coming home and she was the first person he wanted to see. She quickly stood up as she watched the bus pull up and stop. Her heart began to beat faster. She scanned the crowd of people piling out , hoping he would be one of them. She began to sit back down when she didnt see him but stopped. “That’s the hello imma get?” She smiled brightly and ran over to him. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around him as he caught her. “Oh my God. I missed you.” She can feel the tears forming in her eyes and quickly wiped them away before bringing herself down. “Oh my God.” She stepped back as she took him in. He got bigger. He had muscles , not too big but just enough to reveal themselves thru his clothing whenever he moved. His hair was a little longer , he had it slicked back and he had facial hair. “You look-“ “Amazing. I know.” He smiled. She playfully rolled her eyes at him. “Come on. How about we go to the Whyte Wyrm and celebrate. Its on me.” She smiled , leading him to her car. “If its on you...might as well.” He joked.

22 YRS OLD

“Happy Birthday to you,” the whole bar sang as FP walked to her, carrying a huge cake in his hands. The gang had finished singing as FP set the cake down on the pool table , lighting the candles one by one. “I wasn’t gonna risk dropping it and setting the whole place on fire.” He whispered to her. She laughed and thanked him for the gesture. “Make a wish , Princess.” He smiled. She closed her eyes , I wish for you FP , she inhaled deeply and exhaled all the air she had , blowing out the candles. Everyone cheered as she kept her eyes fixated on him. The night was going smoothly , she was sat at the bar downing the drinks her friends had bought for her. Her breathing became ragged , as she spot FP on the other side of the bar. His arm around a pretty blonde , he leaned down to say something in her ear and she threw her head back , laughing. Her heart shattered. She wanted to look away. But she couldn’t. She watched as he flirted with her , caressed her cheek , made her laugh , made her blush , doing anything to make sure he had her in the palm of his hand. She had enough. She finally turned her back to them , asking the bartender for 2 more shots. As he placed them in front of her , she drank them , with no hesitation. She pushed herself off the stool and made her way to the bathroom. She splashed some water on her face , trying to cool herself down as she felt her face burning. Maybe I had too much too drink. She leaned over the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. Ugh , you idiot. He didn’t want you back then , what makes you think he wants you now? Just move on , girl. She shook her head. Yup. One too many shots. She gave herself a quick little once over in the mirror before walking out. She scanned the bar looking for FP. When she didn’t spot him she looked for the blonde he was with. She was nowhere to be seen either. “If you’re looking for hotshot , he left.” She turned around to see who was talking. She didn’t recognize him. When she didn’t respond he continued to say, “He was in a rush to get that pretty blonde outta here. You his girl?” She shook her head. “I don’t know if I should say too bad for him or just my luck.” He smiled. She eyed him suspiciously as he walked closer to her. “I’m Eric.” He smiled , holding his hand out to her. She gave him a small smile , before taking his hand in hers , “Y/N.” “Ah , the birthday girl.” She nodded. “So tell me , birthday girl , would you like to get outta here?”

——————————

She woke up the next morning , her head pounding. She got off her bed , rubbing her eyes and going out towards her kitchen. She glanced over at Eric who was asleep on her couch , shirtless. She remembered him taking her to Pop’s for a late dinner and coming back to her trailer , falling asleep instantly. She didn’t want to wake him just yet , so she continued towards her kitchen and prepared herself a cup of coffee. “Good Morning.” FP yells as he bursts thru her front door. “In the kitchen.” I should remember to lock it. As if he read her mind , FP closes the door, “still forgetting to lock this thing huh?” He asks , walking in and taking a seat at her table. “Coffee?” She asks , not waiting for him to answer as she grabs another mug from her cupboard. “Who’s the guy?” He gestures towards Eric. She glances over to him as she reaches the table , surprised he’s still asleep after all the noise FP made , as she set a coffee mug in front of FP and taking a seat across from him. “Eric.” She blows on your coffee before taking a sip. “You bringing strangers in to your home now?” She looks at FP confused , he was angry , but trying to hide it. “He’s not a stranger.” “Whered you meet him?” “At the bar?” “Huh.” Is all he said as he sips his coffee. “You taking strangers home?” She traces the rim of the mug with her finger. “I can take care of myself. You cant.” He says. She scoffs at his answer. “Meaning?” “Meaning ... you cant be bringing guys over. You never know. They might rob you , assault you , or even kill you.” She watches as he sips his coffee again. “Thats rich. Coming from a guy who constantly takes women back to his trailer.” He sets his coffee down. “I can defend myself. You can’t.” “Are you so sure about that? Maybe he did try something.” FP clenches his jaw. “He’s probably dead on my sofa.” They both avert their attention towards Eric as he groans , stretching himself out on the couch. “Good morning.” She calls as he sits up. She notices FP roll his eyes from the corner of her eye. “Morning.” He rubs his eyes. “What time is it?” He grabs his shirt from the floor , slipping it on. “Time for you to go home.” FP snarls. She waves him off, “Don’t mind him. It’s 10 to 1. You want some coffee?” “Nah. He’s right.” He stands up from the couch after putting his shoes on. “I should get going.” He walks closer ,grabing his jacket from the counter and walks over to her. “Thanks for the offer tho. I had a great time.” He smiles. “So did I. I’ll catch you later?” “Definitely.” He kisses the top of her head before heading out the front door. She notices FP glaring at her. “What?” She asks , annoyed. “Did you fuck him?” “What?” “Did you fuck him?” “No! I did not fuck him! Are you insane?” She stands up from her chair. He doesn’t say anything. “Who do you think you are? I don’t go around asking you if you’ve fucked other people?” She begins pacing in the small kitchen, muttering nonsense to herself. FP watches her for a couple minutes before standing up and walking over to her. She finally stops pacing with her back towards him. He wraps his arms around her waist. She tries to wiggle herself out of his grasp , but he doesn’t budge. “I’m sorry.” He whispers. She stops fidgeting. “I got jealous. I just cant stand the fact of someone else touching you.” Her body tenses up as he brushes his lips from her neck up to her ear. “They way I’ve been wanting to touch you.” Her head falls back on to his chest as he whispers in her ear. He unwraps his arm from her waist , bringing them down to her thighs and up the inside of her oversized tshirt. Goosebumps rise on her skin at his soft touch as gently grazes his fingers up her sides. “Say it.” He whispers again , gently biting her ear. She whimpers , and his hands continue softly touching her body making their way to cup her breasts. He gently squeezes them and she moans. “Say it.” He says. She’s about to say it when memories of him flirting with the blonde flash thru her mind. She removes his hands from her breasts and turns to face him. “Stop it.” She tries to control her shaky voice. “Stop what?” “Stop this.” She gestures between them. “You’re just going to fuck me again. And leave. Like all those other times.” She swallows down the lump in her throat. Stay strong. Don’t cry. Keep your foot down. “You’re gonna use the same excuse. That you’re not ready.” She feels the tears forming in her eyes and quickly looks down. FP’s shoes come in to view. He cups her face , raising her head up to look at him. his eyes search every part of her face , taking her in. She cant take her eyes off him , but she knows she has to , she cant let him hurt her again. She closes her eyes , bringing her hands up to remove his hands from her face but before she can he crashes his lips on to hers. She doesn’t move at first , when she feels him pull away , she grabs the back of his neck pulling him back in. Their lips move in sync , she removes her hands from his neck and down to his shirt , she pulls it up and FP removes himself from her so she can pull it off before bringing his lips back to hers. She tosses his shirt to the side and brings her hands back to his neck softly dragging her nails down his back , making him moan. She smiles to herself , she loved the sounds he made. She drags her hands around to his front , unbuckling his belt , then unbuttoning his jeans. He lifts her up , sitting her on the counter. “Say it.” He says , pulling his pants down along with his boxers. She watches him , intensely , as he does so. “Say it.” He says , dominantly. He lifts her shirt up and pulls down her panties. He pulls her down to the edge of the counter , lining himself up at her entrance. “Say it.” “I love you.” She exhales. He slowly pushes himself in , and her mouth falls open in pleasure. He wraps an arm around her , keeping her steady as he slowly thrusts himself in and out. “FP.” She moans. He picks up his pace. He slams the cupboard above her with his free hand , as he thrusts faster. “Yes.” She moans , again and again. Feeling herself closer to her climax. “I’m so close.” He grunts in response , slowing his pace and thrusting harder. “Fuck.” She gasps. She grips his shoulders as she reaches her climax , burying her face in his neck. “Fuck.” He exhales as he finishes. He helps her down and she leans back on to the counter , her legs weak. He pulls his pants up , buttoning his jeans. “I love you.” She says as she caresses his cheek. He brings his hand up over hers , closing his eyes , melting in to her touch. “I love you.” He says back. “Do you mean it?” “ I always mean it.” He says kissing the palm of her hand. Just as she expected , he’s pulling his shirt over his head and heading out the door. Leaving her alone , like he’s done many times before.

3 MOS Later

“Can I come in?” He asks. She just wanted to slam the door in his face. After that day she hasn’t talked to him. Whenever they were at the same place he would leave , and he was never alone. He was either with the same blonde or someone different. He was purposely avoiding her. And she hated it, but accepted it. She called Eric earlier that night and met up with him at the Whyte Wyrm. She was having fun. She got a little too flirty with him and FP noticed. He watched as she placed a hand on his thigh , leaning in to whisper sweet nothings in to his ear. His knuckles turning white as he gripped the pool stick tighter as his anger bubbled inside him. After watching him place his hands on her waist and leaning in to kiss her he had enough. He marched over to them , punching Eric. He fell out of his stool and she pushed FP away and knelt down to help him. Eric pinched his nose to stop the bleeding , gently shoving Y/N away. “I dont know what you two have going on. But I cant be seeing you anymore.” Eric tells Y/N as he gets up , heading towards the bathroom. Outraged , Y/N slaps FP in the face. “I hate you.” She spits. And thats what brought FP here tonight. He didn’t want her to hate him. “Please.” He pleads. She sighs as she moves aside allowing him to come in. He takes a seat on the couch and Y/N follows suit , leaving a big space between them.  “I don’t know what happened tonight.” He begins. Y/N rolls her eyes , “I do. You got jealous. You just want me to be yours without you being mine and it’s not fair. You say you love me. And if you do why don’t we just give us-“ “She’s pregnant.”He interrupts “W-what? Who?”Shocked. She can feel her heart breaking as she waits for him to answer, “The blonde. She called me a couple days ago to tell me. Then she showed up at my trailer with the tests to show me she wasnt lying.” She couldn’t believe it. She blinks rapidly a few times , processing the information , “What are you gonna do?” He scratches his head, “I don’t know. She wants to keep it but.” He sighs. “But what?” She wants him to continue. “I’m not ready.” He admits. She grabs his hand , squeezing it gently , “Its ok. I’ll be here for you. I promise. But you have to be there for her and your child.” He gives her a small smile , “ I love you.” “I love you,too.”

She kept her promise. She’s been with him every step of the way. Giving him advice , picking out clothes for his son , making sure he had everything he needed. Most nights he’d stay with her after their intimate moments, which she enjoyed because she got to have him around more. But as the months grew closer for his son to be born his nights were spent at his trailer with her , leaving Y/N alone again. She would never admit to him how much it hurt , and she didn’t want to ruin his chance at a family , no matter how badly she wanted it to be with her.

24 YRS Old

Y/N found herself laying next to FP again. He had been coming over after the birth of his son , saying how stressful it was raising a child. But as his son grew older , the easier it got but that didnt stop him from coming over. Talking sometimes led to arguing about him  playing with Y/N’s feelings which led to him reeling her back in with “I love you” that led to one thing and the other and always ended up with them in bed together. Y/N knew she was torturing herself , but she loved him. She laid on his chest as he played with her hair. “I’m gonna ask her to marry me.” He says. She quickly shoots up off his chest and stares at him. “What?” “She’s raising my kid.” He begins to sit up. “And I love him.” “Ok.” She states. “But do you love her?” He doesn’t respond. She scoffs as she gets up off the bed to get dressed. “Dont act like that.” He says , getting up and getting dressed as well. “Like what?” She retorts. “Like you didn’t see this coming.” She slowly turns to face him , angry. “Excuse me?” She asks slowly. “I told you everything. Its not like I kept you in the dark.” “I know that. And i’m sorry if I just cant handle it anymore.” She spits. “Handle what?” He raises his voice. “This!” She yells , she’s not gonna hold back anymore. “You. Just coming around whenever you want. Sleeping with me. Telling me you love me. And then leaving. Finding other women to sleep with.” “I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” He starts. “With strangers! You said you werent ready to start a relationship with someone new. I’m not new! I’ve been your best friend for years. Ive never held it against you because I love you and I respected your decision. But this is too much. I tried moving on because I know I will never have you the way I want. But youre always there and you do shit that makes me think maybe this time you’ll come around.” He walks up to her and reaches up to wipe the tears away but she smacks his hand away. “Don’t do that. Don’t all of a sudden care about my feelings because i’m crying.”

“I dont all of a sudden care.” He says , softly. “I’ve always cared because.. I love you.” She lets out a sob as she shakes her head. “You say you love me. But you dont..you just love having me around. But my love for you was - is so strong I put up with it because I just wanted you. And I wish I could hate you. For everything. But I really hate myself , because after admitting all of this , I would still wait forever for you.” FP stands there , staring at her , watching her cry. He doesn’t say anything , he doesnt know what to say. She turns away from him as she begins to wipe her tears away. “I want you to leave.” She says. “Y/N-“ he pleads. The desperation in is voice just makes her want to turn around and hug him. But she doesnt. “I want you leave.” She repeats. She holds in her tears as she listens to his footsteps getting softer as they retreat out of her room. When she hears the front door close , she crawls back in to bed , sobbing. Not because he left , because she knows , if he comes knocking on her door tomorrow , or in three days , or 5 months  , or even 17 years from now , she’ll accept him with open arms no matter what. Because her love for him would last forever. 

[hobo4lyfe11]

[ KBTBB Co-Writing Fic ] Hate At First Sight ❤ At Last Glance Part 2

Fandom: Kissed By The Baddest Bidder Rated: Drama, mystery, thriller, romance KBTBB OC: Ryoko Inui / Kyoko Nakama Main Interest: Soryu Oh Summary: A mysterious woman with impressive skills is hired under Soryu’s care, but is she all that she seems? A/N: Leave Ryosuke alone! He’s just a puppy. Also I’m so glad @hotcocosharing​ was willing to write another fic with me~ always a honour and pleasure. You can find PART 1 <-- here :) Warnings: Soryu is cute Word Count: 1354 words

✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎

Soryu Oh’s POV

"That's impossible."

Eisuke's going off about how the security system in the hotel casino has malfunctioned but I find it hard to believe that the impregnable program, we've carefully installed, just 'malfunctioned'.

"Fine, I'll be there in 10 minutes," I guess I can indulge in his little burst of frustration once in a while.

It's not everyday you see Eisuke getting worked up like this so I wont be missing this. Heh, seeing 'The Great Eisuke Ichinomiya' lose his composure is entertainment enough for me.

"Make it 5!" He spits with irritation. Impatient as ever.

I arrive 10 minutes later, to the command room in the security ward of the casino, to find a young woman typing away at the main computer naturally. Her slender fingers fly across the keyboard at incredible speed and accuracy before restoring the corrupted server with little, to no, effort at all. Impressive. I would never have predicted an ordinary woman like her to be so useful. All signals regain a secure status and seemed to have increased in strength.

"Not bad," Eisuke says with a smirk.

I can tell he didn't expect to be so impressed by a spontaneous offer from a complete stranger, so much so, he decided to appoint her to the hotel security team, under my supervision.

Tch, now I have to take care of this woman? Probably Eisuke's ways of getting back at me for not coming within 5 minutes. Impatient prick... 

At least she's not annoyingly trying to vie for my attention by baking a cake on her face and bathing in perfume. I cant stand that. She seems reliable enough that Eisuke would offer her a job on the spot however, I cant help but find her presence unsettling.

The most secure program in the world that contains several walls of protection for our security system is broken down, and she just happens to be there to restore it back in just seconds? The progression of that was so perfect, almost as if it was planned and staged. Was this all just a coincidence or is she more than what she appears to be? I know better than to jump to conclusions without any evidence to back my theories up, so for now, I will just have to keep my eye on her.

The days go on by and she continuously surprises me, in unpredictably positive ways. Her skills are no joke when it comes to her job and, her hard work and diligence, is admirable. Reminds me of another girl I used to know.

It was back in boarding school when I first met her - she was always striving to be the best in every field, competing for the number one spot in every field- academics, physical education and even art. The way her eyes narrowed in concentration and her aim to always best herself, sparked a new feeling in my chest. How was it, that she was so different from the rest, so accomplished... So perfect.

But soon before we were meant to graduate, she dropped out of our school. The teachers said it had something to do with her family but obviously wouldn’t go into detail. I just saw her the day before and now I wasn’t going to see her ever again? I didn’t even have a chance to talk to her. To say goodbye. To tell her how i felt about her.

"Sir. Sir. Sir!" A voice yaps at me with persistence and returns me from my trip down memory lane.

"What is it Inui?" I respond as I see the woman tense up at the sound of his voice.

Strange. I guess she doesnt take too well to strangers or is easily frightened by sudden noises.

"Looks like the Black Heart gang is trying to breach our contract. What should we do?"

"I'll deal with them," I say before I get up and turn to leave. The woman seems to have stopped in her tracks and that doesn't escape me.

It doesn't take long before I return from dealing with the annoying scumbags who dared to even think they could sever the alliance in such a disgusting manner. I make sure to stop by the security ward before I head up to the penthouse to make sure everything is in order and everyone is doing their jobs accordingly, especially the new recruit. Unexpectedly, I come back to see her overseeing everyone and directing them with perfect coordination, improving efficiency all throughout the sector.

She never seems to disappoint. Perhaps its just in my nature to doubt everyone I meet but maybe, just maybe, I can rely on a woman like her for once. The slight smile that plays on my lips disappears the moment she looks at me. Her big clear eyes, so kind-looking but impossible to read, locks onto mine. I quickly look away to throw off any suspicions of me analysing her and leave to meet with the other auction managers.

"So how are you liking the new pretty lady the boss placed under your care, Sor?"

"She's surprisingly not bad -- she can hold her own and she doesn’t reek of gold digger and hooker." I reply naturally and look up to see the astounded looks on the other bidder's faces.

"Are you saying that the little Koro doesn’t make you want to kill yourself even though she's a woman?? Boooorring, I wanted a better reaction~~"

"She must have sexy collarbones."

"I heard that she was just a kid..."

"Maybe I should see what's so good about her myself."

I ignore the teasing from the peanut gallery but, Eisuke's knowing smirk pisses me off to no bounds. He knows. Is it because we've known each other for so long, or is it because he's THAT perceptive? I'll never know. The bidders panic and scramble when I pull out my gun, but to be honest, I don't actually mind.

It's late and I'm making my last rounds, with Inui and Samejima, before I go back to the Ice Dragon's Headquarters to rest. Today was a real pain in the ass, having to deal with the dirty mafia world but I'm doing the best I can to change that. I wont rest until I can use this influence on the world, for good. I won’t follow in my Grandfather’s cruel footsteps.

The three of us separate on our patrol to cover more ground in less time and by the time I’ve finished with my section, I go to look for the other two. I hear a slight thud coming from the server room, where Inui was in charge of checking, and I cautiously crack open the door.

Through the pitch-black room, decorated with thin rays of light, emitting from the LED lights of the cells, two shadows can be made out with a bit of squinting. As my pupils enlarge to allow more light to register in my brain, I tighten my clench on my trusty gun. It would seem as though the smaller figure has pinned the slightly larger one against the wall.

I can barely make out Inui's rambunctious voice which queue's my entrance. The smaller body jumps at my sudden entry and bolts out of the second exit that very few people know about. By the time I pass by the shocked-frozen Inui to pursue the mysterious shadow, it had disappeared through one of four possible escapes. Damn. I was so close.

I return to Inui and his crumpling body, whimpering like a lost puppy with abandonment issues.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Why didn't you fight back and chase after him?" I question him in frustration.

I know he is capable when he puts his mind to the task, but his mind is fickle. At that moment, Samejima bursts into the room and is utterly confused at the sight. The both of us throw puzzled glances at each other, not expecting him to look so broken. He was less of his over-exaggerated character, and had more of a tame and seriously forlorn expression.

"It's her. She's actually here.”

[poetspade45-blog]

THE ANGELENO’S GUIDE TO MEXICO CITY

If you were to ask me what my favorite city in the world was – besides, LA, of course – Mexico City would be somewhere in my top 3 choices. I have always loved visiting Mexico, but Mexico City is on a whole other level of culture, fun, and beauty. The Mexico most of us are familiar with are the typical beachside towns, where you hardly even get to experience the actual towns outside what ever resort you might be enjoying. Mexico City is bustling, it’s sprawling, it’s eclectic and its popularity amongst travelers only seems to be growing. It may be another big city – in fact, it’s the largest city in the world – but there is absolutely no where on earth quite like it in my opinion.

I cannot tell you how many friends I have that unanimously didn’t just enjoy Mexico City, they loved it. Friends of all types from all backgrounds. I honestly thought that there was absolutely no way this city could possibly live up to all of these insane expectations, but alas, they did. And then some. I am not a paid Visit Mexico spokesperson, but I will say with complete confidence that if you go to Mexico City – and you do it right – you will without a doubt fall  in love. (And it wont even cost you that much!)

I did my fair share of research before my recent trip to Mexico City, I have had several friends go before me who gave me the full rundown. If you’re looking to visit Mexico City soon, here’s what you need to know:

EAT

Contramar

Arguably my personal favorite restaurant we went to in Mexico City – a very likely story it turns out. Contramar is known for its incredible seafood spread (think ceviche, fresh grilled fish, etc) and their primo people watching scene at lunch time. You cannot visit Mexico City and not go to Contramar – I demand it. Make sure you make a reservation and make sure you order the tuna tostadas!

Máximo Bistro

Another restaurant that came highly recommended was Maximo Bistro Local. They’re open for lunch and dinner and from what I’ve heard you’re fine either way you choose. I happened to go for lunch (couldn’t get a dinner reservation in time) and it was everything everyone said it would be. Did I know it had a lot of Italian influence, nope, did it make it that much more fun and interesting, yep. Their known for their ox tail gnocchi – split at your own risk because it really is that good.

Pujol

YES! I can now say I’ve been to one of the top restaurants in the world! Pujol is the crown jewel of Mexico City. Chef Enrique Olivera truly helped put Mexico City on the map in terms of the city being a desitination for distinct food and dining. So as you can imagine, Pujol is realatvely difficult to get into. Most people book quite far in advance. Sometimes you get lucky like we did but it’s definitely advised to book as far in advance as possible. Pujol is an absolutely stunning space, the experience is as you’d expect – different and incredibly special – the staff is out of this world, and it truly exemplifies and amplifies fine Mexican cuisine. I will say, Pujol is as expensive as you’d imagine it to be so come prepared for that.

Lorea

Lorea was our first dining experience in Mexico City and it completely set the tone for the rest of our trip. Mexico City is quickly becoming one of the top dining destinations in the world and restaurants like Lorea truly put it on the map in terms of fine dining. Fine dining in Mexico City is a trip though, Lorea for example offers a 14 course tasting menu at just $70 per person. If you’re a foodie traveling on a budget, your one splurge should be Lorea. You’ll never forget it.

Taqueria El Califa

Did someone say tacos? Finally? Yes. If you are in the mood for tacos and a sit down restaurant type of situation, El Califa is your destination. Not only is it your destination, it will also totally blow your mind. I think I ate about 8 tacos that night and I regret nothing. They are open all day long but their late night scene seems to be where it’s at. The one thing absolutely worth trying here are their “costras” – which are like tacos but the tortilla part is made of cheese… #mindblown. And I’ll just let you in on a little secret, the best tres leches cake I’ve ever had in my life is at Califa. It was also my favorite treat I had in Mexico City period – I said it!

La Capital

For Mexico City being a city of late diners, a lot of the restaurants close surprisingly early! La Capital was somewhat a happy accident while we were trying to find a restaurant open past 10pm, but it ended up being quite a number of our favorite restaurants in the end. La Capital is a great “happy medium” restaurant – it’s not too fancy, not too casual, but the food and the ambiance is absolutely fantastic. They offer truly incredible and what you’d think of as “authentic” Mexican food, so if that might what you’re looking for, you’ve found it.

El Moro Churreria

Is it really a trip to Mexico if you dont eat a churro? El Moro isn’t just any churreria though, it’s the OG of churrerias. They’ve been dusting delicious carb sticks with cinnamon and sugar since 1935, and today they have 9 locations all over the city. I visited the location at the Mercado Roma, which is a fun place to go for all kinds of things, it reminded me a lot of the Grand Central Market. But it’s better because… churros. Duh.

El Cardenal

This is the only restaurant on my list that I sadly did not have the time to go to but want to recommend regardless. I have a few friends who cannot visit Mexico City without having a traditional Mexican breakfast from El Cardenal. When I requested something that had some history, something that had stood the test of time and was still beloved by all, El Cardenal was always the answer. I cant wait to go myself on my next trip, but if a big Mexican breakfast speaks to you, white table cloths and all, please try El Cardenal (and tell me what you think!).

OTHER RECS: Yuban, Lardo, Rosetta, Zoku, Lalo!, Quintonil, Casa Virgina, Tori Tori, La Docena, Huset, Mero Toro, Bravo Lonchería, Dulce Patria, Azul Historico,

DRINK

King Cole Bar

King Cole Bar to my delight was located inside of our hotel, the St Regis. Much like its New York City counterpart, the King Cole Bar is an absolutely stunning work of beauty, style, and class. We were at this bar more than I’d like to recount – shout out to Alejandro and Pepe – but it’s because it was consistently fantastic. Definitely the local meeting place for big timers, I fit right in obviously, but not at all intimidating or unwelcoming. The opposite in fact. Ain’t nothing wrong with a classy joint here and there, especially one with indoor/outdoor seating, great cocktails, live music, and decor fit for royalty.

La Azotea De Barrio Alameda

This place was recommended to me by a new friend on Instagram who’d been kind enough to message me her Mexico City favorites. She lives there after all so she was definitely one to be trusted. La Azotea is located in Centro, and is just a 5 minute walk from big sites to see such as the Palacio de Bellas Artes. Climb about 100 steps (which is like 300 steps at sea level) to the rooftop to find an absolute GEM of a little hangout – fresh air, views, cocktails, delicious food, friendly faces and all. My friend instructed me to order a Carajillo  and if you’re like me and love a good espresso martini when desperate times call for desperate measures… then you are going to love a Carajillo.

Fifty Mils Four Seasons

If you thought the King Cole Bar at the St Regis sounded bougie, Fifty Mils at the Four Seasons might have them beat there. Between the absolutely stunning courtyard setting, the fancy “a-la Four Seasons” cocktails, and the fitted waitstaff, it’s definitely an experience. And I was so here for a bougie moment – and a solid Instagram post of course.

Condesa DF

Who doesnt love a good rooftop situation right? Located in the heart of Condesa, CodesaDF is one of the areas most popular boutique hotels. Their rooftop is open to the public and definitely caters towards the young more hip crowds. So naturally I went, and naturally I loved it. If it’s a nice day or night out, stop in – it’s usually open.

Hanky Panky

Per my previous confession about basically never leaving the King Cole Bar… I dissappointingly did not make it to a number of bars I had intended to visit. Hanky Panky being one of them. I cannot speak from personal experience but I can say with quite a bit of confidence that this bar IS an experience. First off, you have to have a reservation – it’s that kind of bar. Secondly, it’s a speakeasy. Lastly, it sounds so “LA” it hurts my feelings I cannot wait to come back and see what this place is up to.

La Clandestina

I am a huge fan of Mezcal, in fact it is easily my spirit of choice. La Clandestina was another bar that came highly recommended that I regrettably did not get to, but I am told if you too are a fan of Mezcal then this is one place on earth you need to experience to confirm your appreciation for the beverage.

Loup Bar

For my fellow wine lovers… meet Loup Bar. Loup Bar is known for their incredible list of natural wines, as well as for their great food menu to pair. You know I will travel for wine and food, so Loup came highly recommended by several friends; I love that this a more low key yet chic spot. A great place to go when you’d love a glass of wine with a side of warm and cozy ambiance.

OTHER RECS: El Bosforo, La Lavanderia, Limantour, Pata Negra, Cicatriz, Gin Gin, Felina Bar, Aurora, Xaman, Baltro, La Ópera,

DO

Lucha Libre

What about men in fringe, tight pants, and colorful masks doesn’t already sound appetizing as hell? Throw in spotlights, a hugely enthusiastic crowd, cheap cold beer, tacos, and you’ve got yourself a night at LUCHA LIBRE! I am not kidding you when I say Friday night Lucha Libre was my favorite part of the entire trip, and arguably one of the best nights of my whole life. Take that and do what you will.

Xochimilco

I honestly barley know how to begin trying to explain the experience that is Xochimilco. It’s hands down one of the wildest, strangest, most unique experiences I think I’ve had in all my 30 years. What I want to say wont really make sense, but Xohchimilco doesn’t really make sense either, so here goes nothing. Xochimilco is a place you go *with a group* to float down canals on very colorful gondolas that are all packed like sardines on the water  where there is zero traffic regulation, there is a lot of booze, there are mariachis on boats for hire, delicious food and trinkets on boats for buying, and a lot of other strange yet entertaining activity.  Here’s the deal. It was cool… but it was wild. If you’ve got kids, or if you’re just a couple without a guide, I actually would not recommend Xochimilco. But if you’ve got a group, or a friend/trusted individual who knows the ropes, DO IT. Be careful, I would personally hire a driver to get you there and back (it’s about 45 minutes outside the city center), don’t be an idiot and you’ll have an absolute blast.

Chapultapec Park

Unsurprisingly so, Chapultapec Park is one of the largest city parks in the world. Really though – this park is never ending and it’s absolutely GORGEOUS! Chapultapec Park is very central, and the best of what it has to offer – including the Chapultapec Castle and the Museum of Anthropology – are very easy to access. Besides museums and the castle, Chapultapec Park includes a zoo, botanical gardens, walking trails, vendors, several man-made lakes with pedal boats, and so much more. You could spend a whole day strolling through these gorgeous grounds, and so you should – with some stops along the way.

Castillo de Chapultapec

One of those stops should definitely be the stunning site that was once the home to Mexico’s one-time emperor, Maximilian. Chapultapec Castle, now the Natural Museum of  History, overlooks the entire city below and it’s an absolutely fascinating and beautiful place to visit. It’ll take you a minute to hike up the hillside, and you will run out of breath thanks to that altitude, but boy is it worth it! (It’s also not literally a hike, it’s a walk uphill, it just seems to go on for forever when you’re out of breath.)

Museo Nacional de Antropología

If you have an interest in learning about the history of pre-hispanic Mexico (Aztec, Mayan, etc) the Museo Anthropolgia is an absolute must. We spent hours walking through each time period if you will, looking at pieces of history you can hardly fathom being as ancient and beautiful as they are. This was one of my personal favorite parts of the trip, so if you have time on your walk through the Chapultapec Park, stop in at the museum.

Mercado de Artesanías la Ciudadela

There are a couple of amazing Mercados to visit in Mexico City, but the one we ended up visiting was Mercado de Artesanías la Ciudadela – a market known for it’s more locally crafted and more traditional goods. They offer all kinds of Oaxacan textiles, blankets, silver, jewelry, bags, leather, housewares – anything “Mexico” you can think of they have. I have to admit, I typically hate the idea of “things” or “trinkets” but this market was incredible! I ended up with some beautifully embroidered bags, and so wished I’d had enough room in my suitcase for some of the glassware and housewares. Next trip. 

Palacio de Bellas Artes

Whilst meandering through Historico Centro you will find it damn near impossible not to run into the massive architectural masterpiece that is the Palacio de Bellas Artes. It’s here inside the marbles walls that you will find gorgeous and expansive murals from several artists including Diego Rivera, David Alfaro Siqueiros, and Rufino Tamayo. Wether it’s a new exhibit, a concert, or an event, there is always something fun and interesting happening here.

Teotihuacan

Want to see those mysterious pyramids you learned about at the Museo Anthropolgia IRL? You can! Teotihuacan is admittedly a pretty far drive outside the city center (about an hour), but it’s another absolute “must” according to most if not all who have visited. This was another spot I didn’t personally make it out to this trip, but I am told it’s worth noting to go early in the morning while the sun isn’t too hot and the tourists are at a minimum.

Museo Frida Kahlo

The Frida Kahlo Museum is kind of a non-negotiable. It’s a completely one-of-a-kind experience, and I promise you will be glad and grateful to have gone. The Frida Kahlo Museum, aka Casa Azul, was Frida’s beloved home for twenty years. Located in the colorful and charming neighborhood of Coyoacan, you immediately get a sense of the appeal. When Frida passed away, Diego Rivera donated her house to the government and turned it into a museum. The home has been in the exact condition she left it in since the 50’s, and it’s a surreal thing to experience in person. I personally loved seeing her clothes that were put on display (that were just discovered in an untouched room in 2004!), and how so many designers today are still inspired by her stunning style.

OTHER RECS: Museo Soumaya, Museo Tamayo, Museo Franz Mayer, Palacio Nacional, Museo Jumex, Casa Barragan, Museo del Tequila y Mezcal,

STAY

St. Regis

Just going to call it like it is, the St Regis Mexico City is the best hotel I’ve ever stayed at. The truth is I probably wouldn’t be able to afford a stay at a St Regis in most cities, but in Mexico City rates at this property start as low as $269 a night. For the St Regis. If you want to do a bougie hotel stay, with unparalleled service and accommodations, stay with the St Regis.

Hotel La Valise

Hotel La Valise is THE hip/chic/expensive spot to stay in Mexico City. They have a very popular property in Tulum as well, and their Mexico City location is just as stunning. It’s also located in a great part of town that is accessible to fun restaurants and areas to walk.

Hotel Condesa DF

Hotel Condesa DF is one of the best boutique hotels is one of the best parts of town – Condesa. I have had a few friends stay here who loved it, plus their rooftop – as mentioned – was one of my favorite stops on the trip.

Four Seasons

The Four Seasons Mexico City has a similar story to the St Regis; if you want to do a bougie stay, this is another great option to consider. Especially if like me, there’s no way in hell you’d be able to afford a Four Seasons vacation anywhere else. Why not do it in Mexico City!

OTHER RECS: Hotel Carlota, Four Points Roma, Roma MX, Hippodrome, Downtown Mexico, Casa Nuevo 120, Los Alcobas, Hotel Habita, Camino Real

TIPS

consider taking a street food tour! I’m actually quite sad I didn’t go on one myself, as the street food was the one thing I feel like I missed out on, but you’ve gotta have something to go back for right? My friends recommended this one to me: Club Tengo Hambre

prepare for the high altitude. Mexico City is about 7500 ft above sea level, and it can affect you if you’re not used to it like most us Angelenos!

take Ubers! For convenience, safety and reliability reasons.

get money from a bank ATM for a lower exchange rate. Most people/places will take American dollars, but try not to use them if you can avoid it. Pesos or credit cards are definitely best.

if you plan on visiting the Frida Kahlo museum and you want to take photos, be sure to purchase a photo pass in the coat check room! This is not advertised, but it’s available and it is affordable. Als0 – buy your tickets online ahead of time, save yourself the time you’d have to wait in line.

there are two airports in Mexico City, make sure you remember that when scheduling your flights and pickups/dropoffs

getting reservations at the popular Mexico City restaurants like Pujol, Maximo Bistro, Quintonil, Contramar, Rosetta, etc are difficult on short notice. Try to book the ones you really want to go to as far in advance as possible. This can be done directly on their respective websites, and you have the option to waitlist should your first choice not be immediately available.

lastly… don’t try to do too much. Pick 1-2 “must-see’s” a day, let the rest fall into place, and enjoy yourself!

Source: http://loveandloathingla.com/2018/10/angelenos-guide-mexico-city/

[anothergirlrecovering]

Wedding weekend

I was in my college best friends wedding this weekend, and I'm honestly so glad for it. We literally had such a good time, and it was so good to be around people who make me laugh. Not just a regular laugh, but that deep belly laugh where you end up crying from laughing so hard. It was a long drive, a full 9 hours but somehow it didn't feel too bad of a drive. Weirdly enough, my husband and I didn't end up fighting at all. He slept for a good bit, and I listened to Waving through the window on repeat for a while. It's definitely my new favorite song, and I'm hoping i'll be able to see it live on broadway this summer.

When we got to our hotel, we checked in and headed to the rehearsal practice. There was literally one car in the parking lot, so I called sandi and asked what time it was. She told me it didn't start for another half hour and I immediately knew kit had lied because she thought I could be late. Thankfully I sort of just laughed it off and jokingly texted her saying I knew she lied and I was totally early. She called me laughing and said with such a big drive she just wanted to play it safe. She got there 15 minutes later, with a few of my old college friends, one being a girl named nastasha who I had hated in college. I was instantly bummed thinking about how awkward it would be, and feeling like my friends would ditch me for her, but I decided to try my best to be not awkward. We went inside, and sandi and I ended up sticking together since we were both in the bridal party. During that time we watched as my husband and her husand hung out with nastasha laughing and telling jokes. In the meanwhile sandi and I laughed on stage telling jokes and being shushed by kits future sister in law. I felt like a high school kid again, but I didn't exactly care because the part they were going over wasn't relevant to us. After the rehearsal we went to the rehearsal dinner and we ended up just laughing the majority of the time. They brought out the food family style, and I couldn't help but die of laughter when sandi said she hoped they bring out more choices in food. We laughed and talked about the time it looked like I shit myself but had fallen asleep in melted chocolate. And sandis husband told a story about a guy who yelled my bad queeda, which ended up being a phrase we continued to laugh about. When it was over I suggested we all go see the lake since I hadn't been. We walked around the sandy area and the rocks and laughed and took pictures. It was so nice just not caring about anything and being able to be happy. Ceselie and I had some time alone together and we ended up in a deeper conversation. She shared about how she has an issue with skin picking and has since undergrad. She asked if I remembered her diet pill and I laughed and said she must have been sensitive to my ed because she didn't tell me about it and she said the skin picking was triggered by that and never went away and shes seen several doctors and specialists but they cant figure it out and how to stop it. She said it makes her self conscious and when I asked about emdr and negative cognitions she laughed and said oh no don't make me dump all of my worthless negative beliefs out there. We laughed. Shes a therapist too and I told her about how making myself puke after the bachelorette party had given me anxiety because I hadn't vomited on purpose since being in recovery. We offered to drive her back to her hotel, thinking it was across the street but it was not. She put in no tolls and it ended up being a 45 minute drive, when it should have been 20 if we had just paid the toll, which we did on the way back because it was late and we were so tired and over driving.

The morning of the wedding we all went to the hair salon for our hair to be done. I didn't realize how many opportunities there would be to correct kits sisters shitty body shaming, and overall reminding everyone that its okay to enjoy all foods in moderation. We ordered chick fil a and enjoyed every minute of it because we were literally starving by the time we got to eat. Nastasha was sitting next to me and it was just the two of us, so I laughed and said hey do you remember that time we both hated each other in college and weren't friends? She laughed and said she was literally just thinking about that yesterday. I said I just wanted to say that I was sorry because I look back and realize that I wasn't always very nice and that I hadn't given her a chance and I have grown a lot since then. She thanked me and said she was sorry too and felt like we both hadn't given each other a chance, and she was thinking about how cool I am and was confused as to why we hated each other. I said I was immature and she was ditsy and for whatever reason we clashed. She laughed and said she is still ditsy, and we said we were both glad those days were behind us. Then we laughed about how weird our RA was, and how far we have both come. There was also a little girl who was maybe 9 or 10 and the hair stylist asked her how she wanted her hair. My heart melted when she said she wanted her hair just like her mommy. My heart broke when the mom rolled her eyes and said no, get something different. But melted again when the little girl said but I want to look just like you mommy. And broke again when the mom said ugh don't say that.

The wedding itself... So I took my propranolol and walked down the aisle at ease. Smiling like I'm supposed to. My scoliosis was killing me on stage, but I got through it. When it ended, sandi and I walked off stage together and we headed outside to blow bubbles. We all stood outside for a while waiting and talking and laughing and taking pictures. After blowing the bubbles, we went back in the church for a few pictures. I sat beside an adorable 6yr old macy, and asked her if it was ok to sit by her. She said yes and I made kid small talk, asking what her favorite part was. She said it was when she got to walk down the aisle, lol, and she told me that everyone was laughing. I asked if she thought the other girl might have made silly faces but she said no and laughed nervously. After taking a few pictures in the church we went on a party bus to go take pictures at a park. On the ride to the actual reception, I saw macy looking bored and she hopped up and sat beside me giggling. I could tell that she was bored and over it and had been ignored the entire time so I smiled her and asked if she wanted to play a game. I spent the 30 minute drive playing bubble gum bubble gum in a dish and a hand slapping game. We laughed together and I let her win a few times. She said we had to say kazam before slapping. I asked her how old she was and she said 6. I instantly got a bit sad looking at her, seeing how cute and innocent she was, and realizing that I was her age when my anxiety and panic attacks started happening. Sometimes its easy for me to brush off my young clients as different than me because they had such horribly different lives, but this little girl has no trauma history and was just simply a sweet little 6 year old. I had the half glass of champagne for the toast to kit and her husband, and avoided the whiskey because I knew we would be drinking wine at the wedding.

The reception... So I ended up way more drunk than I had meant to be. We got there and I was seated beside sandi. I said hi to my husband and took my seat. Everyone had a glass of wine with the best man and maid of honor speech. And then things began to get a little loopy. I remember complaining that we didn't have any potatoes at our table, and I remember sandi and charisse complaining that we were out of wine. Rachel, the sister in law who had shushed us at the rehearsal practice, got up and brought back wine and potatoes from the bride and grooms parents table, commenting on how our waitress sucks. I remember having another glass of wine, and that we talked about sex. I remember laughing and saying how I hate bjs and ran away after the last one to wash my mouth out with soap and that I almost tripped and my husband jokingly said run forrest run. They laughed and shushed me, and Rachel turned around laughing and saying she heard me and wont even put it in her mouth. Then we talked about what positions we liked and didn't like. And then I have no idea what exactly happened next, except that sandi and I must have kept drinking with charisse. I remember standing with them and laughing and taking some of sandis drink and some of my husbands drink. The rest of the night is a blur of random moments. I remember being on the dance floor and dancing, but I cant remember any specific songs. I cant remember any of the father daughter or mother son dance. I cant remember the cake cutting. I cant remember the garter toss or the bouquet toss. I remember at a point I walked to my husbands table and that the room was spinning. I remember sitting with my head on the table because I was too dizzy to lift it up. I remember that my a team was texting me in our group chat and that I was telling them I was drunk and sick and had a million typos. I remember overhearing someone say that sandi was in the bathroom puking, and I remember ceselie seeing me and asking if I had the spins. Ashlee texted and said that I needed to go throw up. I looked up and saw sandi standing across the table looking like shit, and so I knew the bathroom was clear for me to go puke. I remember hobbling to the bathroom and making myself puke a few times. I remember walking out and opening the door to ceselie there asking if I was okay. I said I didn't know and she put her arm around me and walked me back to the table. I cant actually remember anything that came next at the wedding. I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone. I remember being in the car and falling asleep right after. I honestly feel guilty and like a shit friend. I know that people are supposed to be happy and drink and dance at weddings, but I didn't mean to get trashed. My husband said he didn't realize just how drunk I was, and I don't remember the majority of the wedding. He said I didn't do anything embarrassing at least, but I just hate that I don't remember and I feel bad for it.

[unpopular-bishop]

i've realized why i'm still upset with duen and all it took was an awful night's sleep!!

the bohn and mind situation reminds me so much of the khai and chingching situation!! in both cases, our "playboy" characters get kissed against their will and then get blamed and dumped for it. and in the end, they are the ones to apologize and continue to take that blame. this scene in my engineer rubbed me so wrong bc i am still chafing about it from theory of love!!

putting my thoughts under a read more bc it turned into 2k of bullshit. tw: consent and assault

i'm not a khai apologist okay, i get it. as much as i adore him now, the first handful of tol episodes were hard af for me to get over bc i just!!! wanted!!! to beat him up!!!! and let third go find a good boyfriend (and friend) who would appreciate him. but khai won me over with how obviously he was trying his best to change. i know some people maybe think that it was too sudden but imo it wasnt because a whole lot had just happened to make him want to be a better person:

he'd just had his world turned upside down from finding that video confession; he felt like he was losing third, who has been his stable best friend literally since their first few days at college, and he didnt understand why bc honestly in his own selfish stupid way he did that awful shit to try to save their friendship; he nearly died after a fight with third where third told him to leave him alone and his last thoughts were of third and how badly he'd fucked up. like he got into a major accident and walked back to third just to see him again. when he woke up, third was there but there was still such distance between them. and he hated it. all of those things happened to make him realize exactly how much he loved and valued third, and how badly he had treated third thruout their relationship.

so khai tries. he tries to be a better person, a better person for third. you know what old khai would have done upon meeting chingching? you best believe he would have been all over that. but instead he was polite and kind but distant to her. all he did was give her a ride to the faculty and not out right reject her when she auditioned. that was it. that was it! (honestly khai began to treat girls politely but distantly upon falling for and pursuing third. even jam on the beach, he was never rude or mean. polite and distant is his new way of dealing with people who may upset his relationship with third. he also treated milk this way when she showed up and harassed him at his apartment which i also have feelings about).

khai says he put himself in the situation to be kissed. but here is the situation: he went out with his friends. that's it? that is the situation. he went out with the sound crew (kind of reluctantly even), and was again polite and distant with chingching. he was happy and feeling good because he was making progress with the person he finally feels secure and loved with, he's changing the way he lives and treats people. he's happy.

and then he gets assaulted by a girl he has done nothing to encourage. then he tries to leave and finds third kissing another guy. and then third blames him for being assaulted (bc being kissed against your will is assault, and i'll get back to that with bohn), and then when he finally catches up to third, third throws a glass bottle at him, yells at him and, in the end, tells him he thinks khai is unable to love.

and of course third is allowed to feel this way about all of these things, but he is so ready to believe the worst of khai. he is absolutely ready and willing (to the point of getting upset with two for trying to convince him otherwise) that khai is the same khai that has hurt him time and time again. he has been hurt too much and he just cant stick his already sliced neck out again like that. which is valid and understandable! khai has hurt him! (and khai assaulted him too, which i could also get into. but khai kissing third against his will doesnt mean that chingching kissing him is in any way acceptable as some sort of karma imo).

what got me though was just how miserable and vulnerable khai was when he talks about this with third finally. of course third wouldnt believe him. of course he put himself in that situation. of course its hit fault that a girl kissed him bc he has a reputation. nevermind that all he did was go out with friends (and alongside his current love interest) and drink? is khai supposed to be on guard at all times now, just in case someone who knows he is a playboy decides they wanna forcibly lock lips with him against his will?

all of this is to say that i just wish third had told khai it wasnt his fault that he was kissed against his will. is it his fault that there is a severe lack of trust between them? absolutely. but khai is not responsible for chingching's bad actions. he was assaulted and blamed for it and felt like he couldnt say that because no one would believe him due to his reputation which just....reeks of real life parallels that i dont think the writers meant to stumble upon but sure did.

now onto bohn and mind.

khai and bohn being playboys is portrayed so very differently, which i think is why i'm a little more upset with duen than i am with third in this situation.

where the first like five episodes of tol took time to set khai up as a serious playboy, its only mentioned with bohn. bohn meets duen within the first handful of minutes if my eningeer and the rest is history. the closest we get to onscreen playboy behavior is *gasp* bohn going to a birthday party for a girl he doesnt particularly like but is willing to go along with to the point of buying her a present, holding her cake, and dragging his friends to an awkward and bad party. she is never seen nor mentioned again after leaving (lmao dont worry tho she is set up as a slut so u dont have to feel bad for her! haha love that thanks bl writers).

the rest of the episodes sets it up to show that bohn shows affection through acts of service and physical affection. he is awful at communication and will do bad things to get attention (bc he was a lonely rich kid who only got attention by doing these things i'm sure) from duen bc to bohn it seems like duen wont give him the time of day most of the time. duen rejects his primary love language (physical affection) but occasionally accepts his secondary (acts of service) (bohn giving him space to study, hunting down that specific book for him, doing those dumbass tasks that duen's friends came up with).

cut to the planting trip. so far, the series has set it up as bohn being as open as he is able to be about his feelings when both his ways of expressing himself are commonly rejected and/or misunderstood by duen. he's tried to have a couple real conversations but has been dismissed or ignored (which i'm sure duen didn't mean to do on purpose but also i am on bohn's side bc nobody else is and i seriously need his friends to step up!!!). he feels insecure in the relationship and like duen does not even like him, let alone care enough to be jealous.

we have also set up the fact that if someone comes onto bohn, duen will be upset with him. when mind is first introduced, its him cornering bohn in a bathroom and aggressively pressuring him into going out with him. bohn rejects him (not nearly as politely and distantly as khai has interacted with girls post-getting with third) but is still blamed by duen when "caught". this is used as a set up for why duen doesnt trust bohn, duen using the rumors of bohn's playboy lifestyle to explain to himself why bohn is bad news (nevermind that the only proof he has is his friends telling him rumors and the one bday party where bohn is bored and obviously more interested in fucking around with duen than anything or anyone else).

and then bohn is sexually assaulted in the woods. which he is only alone in becaus he was cooling down from a fight with duen. he feels insecure and disrespected and unheard, and then he gets stalked by a man who he knows doesnt respect boundaries and spooked (and i'm sure is disappointed it's not duen that came to find him). mind disrespects duen, which is what makes bohn really mad imo, and then forces a kiss on him. bohn has to struggle to push him off, and then only manages to get mind to leave him alone by threatening to hit him. (notice that he did not actually hit him, which would have been a valid and understandable response? bc bohn isnt really as tough as he appears i think).

bohn's first thought is not "i have just been assaulted, i would like support in this processing time." its "if i tell my boyfriend i was kissed, even tho it was against my will, he will be angry at me. i dont want him to be angry at me."

again, he does not even think duen likes him. duen doesnt show it at all in ways bohn can understand (i think duen's love language is gift giving but if bohn told him to give him the gifts i dont think bohn really understands that). he is already insecure in his relationship and he doesnt want to tell duen someone else came up and forced a kiss on him bc he is scared duen will blame him for it and be angry.

unfortunately?? he is right. while i really appreciated king's advice on not lying, i really wish it had been more along the lines of "you should tell duen what happened so he can support you alongside us, your friends. and if he does not support you, thats fucked up of him and we will support you even more."

i cant blame bohn for not telling duen. a) he is scared he will be blamed. b) if someone cornered me in the woods and kissed me against my will i'd be fucked up about it too! i also might want to keep it a secret! c) he may be feeling embarrassed and ashamed. he is a grown man who was just kissed by someone else and he couldnt stop it from happening. we already known bohn feels insecure in his manhood (he is insecure in a lot :( ) and i'm sure this wasnt like. the most stellar feeling in the world! he needed some time to process!!

the point is, bohn goes to tell duen what happened. and he doesnt even get to? he gets told that duen saw it (and i guess we can pretend that it didnt look like a full on fight if that's what duen wants to think bc of his own insecurities) and then gets dumped. so from bohn's pov he was like. assaulted in the woods, violently shoved his attacker away, and then finds out his boyfriend saw it and........didnt come to help?? pretended he didnt see it and talked to bohn normally when he found him??? literally tested him and then got upset about his lying??? didnt check in with bohn at all to see if he was okay?

and then in the end when they make up, its again bohn going through a task (this time hunting duen down at night in the woods) to apologize to duen instead of the other way around? bohn was not lying to duen bc he did something wrong and wanted to hide it. he was lying to duen bc he a) needed time to process what happened b) was scared of exactly what happened happening and c) didnt even think duen would care about him enough to be jealous.

this got so long and i'm so sorry to anyone who decided to read this whole thing oh man. i guess my final thoughts are that the reason i'm still dissatisfied with where bohnduen ended up this season is because i feel like bohn and khai were blamed for something that was in no way actually their faults. neither of them invited people they werent interested in to kiss him. neither of them deserved to be blamed for it. yes, it was just a kiss and some may feel like i'm overreacted but to me it isnt just a kiss. its that both of them were essentially sexually assaulted and neither felt like they would be believed if they said that they werent at fault (khai actually believed he was and i'd bet bohn thinks he should have been more careful too).

it just makes me sad bc i know it was never be addressed, it was used as a way to break trust for both couples but? it only highlighted that third and duen werent willing to trust, not that bohn and khai were actually untrustworthy in this regard!

[my-fanfictions25]

A Quinzel

(y/n) your name

Boomerang x Reader

You’re Harley Quinn’s sister and dating Boomerang

“Hey crazy’s hot sis” The scumball guard welcomed you as always making you sick “Get lost jerk and take me to my sister” you said disgusted as he lead the way to your sisters jail cell “Hey sis” You said as you took the chair opposite your sisters cell “Hey, how many times do I have to tell you to stop coming? It’s to dangerous” Harley said concerned “You’re still my sister and I will always come see you” You said smiling kindly “You mentioned you were dating someone last time?” Harley asked interested “Yeah, he’s great, we are great” You said feeling embarrassed as you saw Harley’s sad expression “Are you alright?” “I’m the greatest that’s ever been round here” She said crazy laughing “We now live together” You said “He better look after you, if he ever hurts you I will kill him” Harley said protectively of you “No killing” You smirked at her knowing she would if he ever did hurt her he would be dead “Does he even know I exist?” She asked interested as you looked down sad trying to keep the tears at bay “I’m sorry I haven’t, he thinks I have a therapist” You said “Yeah, well be careful with those they tend to be a little more nuts than the patients you know” She said as she laughed “You should go, and stop visiting me”

“Hey sexy” Your boyfriend Digger said as he picked you up in his arms bridal style and you both dropped onto the couch “Still crazy?” “That wont change, don’t worry” you said as you straddled the sexy Australian who’s accent always got you so wet “Don’t ever change beautiful” He said as he kissed you hard holding him to you tightly You dragged his top over his head as he pulled yours off as well and ripped off your bra to grab at your boobs and squeezed them so tightly that you nearly screamed as he sucked on your neck. While your hands pulled at his jeans stroked his erection making him moan into your neck as you giggled feeling his hands slowly scrape down your body to your navel and pushes your skirt up as he rips your pants off pushing himself inside you as he holds your hands watching you ride him. You drag both your hands to hold by his head as you lightly peck his lips before you kiss down his neck biting at him as he moaned gripping your hands tightly. “Baby” He kept panting as you both were close to orgasming when the door burst open with people wearing camouflage and holding guns. You screamed as one of the guys pulled you off digger while more grabbed him as he was trying to fight them off to get to you. “Calm down people” A man came in who you guessed to be in charge as he walked over to you “Do you know who this man is? Who he really is?” “Yes” you stated simply because you did know he was a thief but you never cared about that, hell your own sister was the craziest bitch in gotham city “Yet your still with him?” He asked like it was stupid then shrugged “Not surprise with your family history I guess” Your whole body froze in fear. He knew. He knew who I really was. I guess you can never really hide who you are. “What are you going to do with him?” You asked as you looked over at digger scared, not wanting him to find out the truth about you like this but also worried for what would happen to him “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him just like your big sis” He said as he turns to walk away “Wait!” You shouted after him as he stops but doesn’t turn “Least let me say bye” You knew once he was gone he was never coming back, they’d lock him up and forget about him “Ok” he said without turning round and walks away “Let them have a goodbye” As soon as the guy let go of you, you ran to digger and hugged him tightly as he hugged you back just as tightly “I love you crazy” He whispered into your ear as tears formed, it was the first time he’d said it “Take care of yourself and forget about me beautiful, find someone better like ive always said” “I love you too Boomerang and I’m never going to let you go, I will visit, I promise” you said as you kissed goodbye

You had found yourself in midway centre for work delivering a wedding cake, usually you had a guy that did it but he had decided to take some personal time so you had to do it yourself. You weren’t any stranger to danger, and knew how to look after yourself but you knew what ever was happening wasn’t natural and not meant for you to fight in, so while everyone else was running about like idiots you went inside the nearest place for shelter hoping whatever passing would assume the place to be dead. You had ended up in some bar and went through to the back room just to be extra careful that you would be safe. You were keeping up to date on what was happening through several news websites on your phone keeping quiet and listening for any noise, you soon heard gun shots causing you to jump. But you stayed where you were not sure if the gun shots should be re assuring or worrying, if it was whatever had taken over midway centre with guns well you never wanted to go out there thanking to be saved just to be killed.

He had seen the van and looked around it investigating hoping she was safe and looked round the neighbourhood to see if there was anywhere you would have holed yourself up in. “Boomerang” A voice kept shouting but he wasn’t caring, he couldn’t care about himself, if it was her driving the van she could have been one of those monsters Someone grabbed at diggers shoulder as he swung round to hit them but they dodged the attack easily “Do you know her?” Harley asked as she touched the van knowing it was her sisters company “Yes, she’s my girlfriend, it’s her goddamn company” He said pounding the van, feeling the anger at being caught up in this and not with you, protecting you from this “You love her” Harley stated smiling, everyone thought it was just her being crazy but she was happy, her sister was with a guy who loved and wanted to protect her even if he was a criminal “Come on, there’s a bar lets drink, we could all do with one” Deadshot said as he broke open the door holding it for everyone to enter.

You were still hiding in the back room when you heard someone coming in. no, not just one person but a team of people. Just then you heard a voice you last expected to hear. Your sisters. “Well, what can I get everyone? You look like you need one” She said to Booomerang as she nudged him “She’s dead, I lost her” He cried as he hit the bar hard, you stood up confused about what they were doing here together. He thought I was dead? “You don’t know that” A voice you didn’t recognise speak You stood up deciding if it was your sister and digger plus whoever else they wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. Right? Before you had another thought to change your mind you ended up hitting something which made a very loud crash “Should we shoot?” That unrecognizable voice said again as you heard guns being loaded “Don’t!” You shouted through “I know two of the people out there, please” “It cant be” You heard digger say “(y/n)?” You slowly opened the back door holding your hands up just for safety when you saw him at the end of the bar, he shot up and ran at you grabbing you holding you tightly running his hands over you “baby you’re killing me” You said laughing as you pushed away, looking him over seeing him in his old outfit “I thought you were dead” He said still not believing you were ok “I know, I heard, but you taught me to think rationally in a bad situation I decided this place looked safe enough” You said before you looked round and saw Harley standing at the bar smiling crazily “Maybe you could introduce us?” The unrecognized voice said but you recognized the guy as deadshot “I’m (y/n), Diggers girlfriend, don’t worry I know all you” You said as you looked at your sister an decided now was as good a time as any “ Some better than others” “Just because you can read about us online, means nothing” Deadshot said angrily “That’s not what the girl meant” Harley said as you saw her looking embarrassed You jumped the bar and hugged her for the first time in years “I’ve missed you so much” “I missed you as well” She said hugging back “You two know each other?” Digger asked as he walked close to you two “I know I call you crazy baby but its nothing compared to this lune” “You don’t see the family resemblance huh?” Rick Flag said, the guy who had come into your home and took digger from you “Saw it the first time I laid eyes on you” “What?!” Digger shouts confused “Harley’s my sister” You said looking at him fear on your face “I couldn’t tell you, most guys start comparing us, in looks, the craziness and then the fear of me being like her sets in and they leave in fear��� “Baby I’m a jewel thief” He said laughing “Did you think I’d be like that?” “I couldn’t risk it, I loved you the moment you I first saw you in that heist” You said shrugging “I did threaten to kill you on numerous occasions to her if you screwed her over like those other guys” She stated smiling “Don’t make it happen now, not now I know you love her, I saw how you reacted when you thought she was lost back at the van” “You knew and you never told me?” He asked confused “You loved her, if she had passed then it would have gone with her, if you had saw the van and said it was just some girl you knew then I may have killed you” She admitted but smiled “You acted just great though so you two can live happily” “Has she ever killed any of your exs?” Digger asked concerned “If she has I don’t know about, most moved away after we break up just to be safe” You said laughing as you leaned across the bar grabbing at diggers top and pulling him to you and you kissed him passionately “Lets not find out though what she does to those guys” “I’m never letting you go again baby, trust me” He said smiling as he put his hand at the back of your head pulling you in for another kiss.