#I CANT HANDLE HORRIBLE NEWS RN

[lunarsolar1]

Is George posting dbda content on his instagram good thing or a bad thing? Because now I’m scared

[widevibratobitch]

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[j-crow]

how've you been lately dawg 🤔🤔

in the trenches /j

yapping you didnt ask for incoming:

surprising from what you might think of me but ive been really good lately!!

i love the retj fandom but that shit got so miserable and overwhelming and convoluted that i just. gave up on trying to go back. im much happier staying off discord :D

actually i needed a reason to rant about this but oh my god??? i literally NEVER used to be that upset all the time pre-retj discord server. like the version of me in your head is probably SO inaccurate to how i actually am because i am NEVER that upset all the time

like yeah i get really upset sometimes but when i had discord??? WHY WAS I SO SUICIDAL?????

so the conclusion that ive come up with is that discord literally gave me mental illnesses and like. yeah that makes sense actually 😭😭

besides that ive been good besides the constant appearance of a wlw situationship in my life 😞😞

also dont if you ever noticed but i had a crush on your ex 💀💀 (tbf there were some EXTREMELY mixed signals imo) we’re not talking anymore tho

uhhh ive gotten new interests (house md my beloved <33 stupid fucking gay doctors) and read a terrifying amount of fanfiction (probably over 100 fics read the past 2 months not including the 100k+ one im reading rn???? dont bully me pls i know im chronically online 💔💔)

ive been trying to draw more as well but i suck ass at human anatomy and have ultimately decided to just draw animals for the rest of my life atp

also ive been playing the new pokemon tcg game and my entire coding class is literally obsessed with it 😭😭 (me flexing)

also been playing pokerogue!! its fun but i get unreasonably angry when my pokemon die 😭😭

ANYWAYS HOUSE MD!!!!!!!! medical malpractice show 10/10 would recommend watching‼️‼️ ive gotten so many spoilers because my short attention span cant handle more than two episodes a day and im stuck on season one 😭😭

WILSON!!!!!! my definitely gay husband who looks way too fondly at his best friend of ten years to be straight and has had three divorces (canon btw) exploding him with my mind 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

still obsessed with birds as you might be able to tell 😭😭 blog name actually comes from a piece of art your ex gave to me (gatekeeping sorry) it said “the c in jc stands for crow” and i ran with it

thats u btw /j (thats an australasian swamphen chick also known as a pukeko chick!!! look them up theyre terrifying)

personally one of my favorite photos of them

anyways i still like hamilton and epic the musical surprisingly and i think i can almost recite the entirety of nonstop and the room where it happens (so impressive i know)

and retj my beloved and beloathed </33 so terribly detrimental for my health but im glad i went through that shit tbh

also crazy that its almost christmas??? its christmas eve wtf i forgot

im also working on a 3d animation project with some friends!!! its due sometime in february and im praying i get into nationals for the competition 🙏🙏 i have a backup if the animation fails horribly but my friends dont so!!!! gotta work hard so we all can go to florida and do some tomfoolery

thats about it i think???? unless you want to hear about my school life for whatever reason (im happy to yap about coding but dont ask me about anything else 😭😭)

hope you’ve been well dude!! :D

found this deep in my camera roll 😭😭

[oncominggstorm]

Im autistic & adhd. Also have undiagnosed physical health issues which been acting up lately. Really not doing well, need help. Currently in shutdown, include verbal shutdown. And struggling type, forgive grammar plz. Need help & support, but is none. Don’t know what do. Everything feel impossible. Long vent under cut.

Want run away, somewhere no one can find. Somewhere quiet & alone, with internet & tv so can watch comfort shows, play comfort games, etc. But will turn off phone, or get new number, or just block all family except younger sister on everything, or something, idk. Want comfy bed & comfy chairs & good temperature control & good food, and just quiet & solitude. Preferably somewhere out in nature. Let everyone figure out their own shit without me. Can’t do this anymore. ONLY things keeping me from doing are younger sister & lack of money. Mom & twin sister need figure shit out on own, can’t handle anymore. Can’t do.

Dont have a job or any money at all, literally only have $5 (and well over $20k in credit card debt, in collections). Am in autistic burnout & have been for nearly 3 years now. Had quit job in May cuz burnout so bad. But still expected take care of entire family.

Live with dad & twin sister (will call twin). Dad extremely NT & able bodied, dont understand me/twin at all. Knows nothing about autism/adhd & unwilling to learn. Pays bills & does chores so that is helpful, but not willing do any other support. Doesn’t believe in mental health.

Mom & younger sister (will call younger) live with grandma. Younger is 12 yrs younger, i basically raised. Feel almost more like parent than sister. Also is best friend & person i care most about in world, would die for her. Hate seeing her suffer. Twin & younger both also autistic & adhd, and neither have job. Grandma has moderate (bordering on advanced) dementia & need 24/7 supervision & support. Younger currently has busted knee, on crutches & really struggling & lot of pain. Mom refusing to believe is as bad as is, thinks younger is exaggerating, barely helping her. Ive been having drive over nearly daily to help. Mom had multiple strokes 2 years ago, still has both cognitive & physical challenges as result, & just lost job. Mom almost deffo undiagnosed autistic/adhd but refuses to believe. Doesnt believe younger is either (she still undiagnosed, me & twin formal diagnosed recently). Mom never great person, but got much worse after strokes, is mean & bordering on verbally abusive to us (and is DEFFO verbal abusive to grandma). Also has horrible memory & cognitive issues, doesnt understand things correctly, half of what she says doesn’t make sense, makes helping her hard.

Twin sick rn, lots of stomach issue & pain. Found out few months ago has enlarged spleen, but no answer yet, cant see specialist til Dec. Twin also has medical anxiety, so hard to know for sure what is real & what isnt. Every day twin ask me for MULTIPLE favors; get things for her, do things for her, etc. Also get MULTIPLE txts every day complaining about not feeling well, yet she refuse go doctors. Counted once a few days ago: in 11 hour period, asked for 7 favors & texted 13 times about pain.

Even when not sick tho, twin basically never help. Feels like she think I “less disabled” than her, not true. I doing horribly and still have take care everyone else while she sits on couch play video games & ask me to bring her things. No one ever bring ME things. Twin NEVER return favor no matter how bad I do/how well she do. One sided only.

Today twin ask for SO MANY THINGS, CONSTANTLY. Doesnt seem to care that I not doing well either & just CANNOT handle, keeps asking anyway. I tell her how bad am doing & immediately she ask for more favors. Won’t shut up about how sick she is (feeling very “wrong” w/stomach issues, has enlarged spleen but don’t know why yet & is worried that is cause), and says she is NOT OK, and that something is VERY wrong & she is worried she is dying, but also won’t get her ass to ER. Also expect /ME/ take her AND go in with, if decides go. Told her has to ask mom or dad first. Now just won’t go, and instead just keep complain to me about how bad doing & keep asking for help with stuff.

On top of that, am constant worried about all shit mom needs to do: get grandma house in her name so can keep (rn bank gets when grandma dies due to 2nd mortgage or something idk, which will make mom & younger homeless), get grandma car in her name (mom hasnt had own car in like 6+ yrs, just uses gma’s), figure out her unemployment (applied but no check yet cuz needs submit weekly proof of job applications & doesnt know how), get guardianship for grandma (mom never even got power of attorney, and is too late now cuz grandma cant understand to sign, so rn we just stuck cuz grandma not capable make decisions, but legally we cant make for her either), update her resume, get help for grandma, etc. Most of it fall to me. Mom kind of person who just WILL NOT do things, no matter how much help u give (ex: was trying get her accommodations for her job after strokes so wouldnt lose job. Explained process multiple times, both verbally & in writing. Figured out who she needed contact for help & wrote out email for her, ALL she had do was copy & paste & send email. Didnt do it. Now fired cuz couldnt keep up w/out accommodations). Mom also no longer even ask for help, just tells us we are doing. Ex: said to me “I’m going to come over tomorrow so you can help me do my job searches for unemployment.” Just tells me I’m doing it, not even ask. Sick of it. Grandma have dementia, at point where cannot even shower or wash hands, we have no support at all, doing everything ourselves. ADRC says only way to get grandma help is to put lien on her house & sell to pay off when she dies, but mom & younger live with grandma so that would make them homeless once she dies. Says we can’t even get occasional respite care unless give up house, let alone regular in home care.

Just can’t handle anymore. Feel like am being broke into thousand pieces, or crushed by thousand lb weights. Feel stuck. Feel like no choices, no good options, no way out. Want run away. Want take younger & her cat & find cabin in woods somewhere & just go run away from everything/everyone else. But can’t, no money. Feel so stuck. No help. No support. Don’t know what do.

[this-should-do]

OUGH the tags about the toxic love story, I NEED to see ur toxic Barney and Gordon PLEASEUH

bestie im afraid that i dont particularly have anyhting to show rn, most of it is just words in my head, at most i have the last drawings at teh end of this post that are in reference to a sequel to a story me n a friend are wanting to write lmao but yeah, i love mkaing shit up about characters that have littel to no development in canon

to sum up, barney has ISSUES from before the rescas that cause him to latch onto gordon BAD and he never quite fets over it during those 20 years becuz trauma really prevents you from processing shit especially when ur arney who just refuses to take the time to actually tink about his issues outside a horribly self demeaning and sabotaging way if he isnt actively repressing them, so tehn when gordon shows back up (with his own issues well talk about in a minute) he reignites a bunch of feelings barney had but they get buried under 20 years of resentment and dissillusionment as well as the feeling that are reignitied are twisted and fucked up by rosetinted lenses about who gordon was so when gordon shows up with his brand new issues as in from the last day of just the rescas plus the newer issues of hte past 5 minutes of being luanched into a future where everything is different frmo what he knows when he is a man of staticness and immutable reality tethering him to proper functiong, he just cant handle it so when he isnt acting like a machine to cope with war hes trying to act like things are the same as they were before and in his hurting lowkey tries to force others he knew (particulalry barney cuz they were very close before the rescas, though they had not reached a confession state yet) to act liek they did before without meaning to by way of only responding as a person would when they perform to standard, otherwise he tends to shut down mentally, always counting and documenting when things are different without meaning to int turn the way this behavior affects barney is that becuz barney is a guy who tends to force negative feelings down and always try to be funny while simultaneously keeping everyone at arms distance, forces himself to playthe role of himself 20 years ago to his own harm while constantly flipping between keeping gordon at arms length (which hits the counter gordon has for howt higns are different without him even realizing it becuz ona surface level barney is acting the same, leading to a faster breakdown of his part) and jealous possession of gordon and wanting to keep gorodn to himself becuz in his brain he knew and cared for gordon more than anyone else and that he was first and gordon is HIS friend and his person to love (this also sets of gordons counter in a different way becuz its still not quite how barney was before, but thats to be expected nobody can act as they were before perectly even someone as adept at pretending ot be anyone but himself as barney is) however by constantly trying to keep up the old him persona, he feels unloved as himself further cementing the idea that he ash to keep up the act otherwise gordon wont love or care for him which further spoils gordon in his own mind despite his unhealthy attachment to gordon who had been a piece of the past to hold close to himself for comfort over 20 years, making their relationship very muddy this is all of course ignoring the pain that preceeds a state where this dynamic would occur , meaning thetime during the games before a peace time, where 99% of the time gordon is locke dup nerneath his Freeman persona which upsets barney who has to deal with all the rough edges he forgot about plus more so he starts to resent gordon not just for in his eyes abandoning him but also for not being the same as he remembered, a similar but different struggle to gordon, which inturn causes barney to lean into this distant but casual persona we see in game, perceptively frineds enough that people can tell but no where near what you might expect someone who was such close frineds with someone who disappeared for 20 years might act

so essentailly they are contantly doign things unintentionally or not that hurt the other or make their own self hurt, or having an unhealthy attachment to the other lmao now i also have more about their relationship that develops in a story me and a friend are rying to pull together, but that part of it wouldnt happen for sosososoos long same for the stroy it self being published lmao, but just know that it relies on barneys obsession and selfishness and possessiveness over gordon and having to deal with someone else being close to him when he couldnt be there after losing gordon a 2nd time vis a vis epistle 3 shenangians

[our-inspire-verse]

;-;

(Dont open unless you're ok with negative vent)

Yeah im doing really fucking poorly rn. Like. I know we expected to go downhill staying here, i know its expected with everything and the abuse and the trauma here and. The bad. All of the terrible horrible. Just bad. All the trauma coming up from our past, the FLASHBACKS.

Its too much. I can't hold onto stability and wellness right now. It's not in the cards for me and i think that has to be okay. It isn't anti recovery for me to say that i cannot recover here PERIOD. Im so insecure about that. That im just not open to recovery, i wanna get worse and wallow in my shit. I don't. I really don't enjoy feeling like this, and i dont get some kick out of it. I get my reality shunted in my face again and again and i get the reality of all of the people around me. I get ripped down from where i climbed by people who should have pushed me upwards farther.

Im hurting. Its not enough to just be hurt, i am actively hurting pretty consistently. And my body physically cant take it anymore. These episodes only used to flare up sometimes. Now its night after night, and sometimes during the day aggressively. Its unending and way more intense than it usually is. Even Alder and Kiba dont know how to handle me. I'm angrier, i lash out where i dont mean to.

To anyone, even those who will never see this message. Please do not let me lash out at you. Don't let me hurt you. Please tell me I'm being irrational. It keeps happening. Please dont let me isolate myself. Please dont let me do this. I've deleted messaging apps, removed myself from chats, told people i was unavailable to talk. I cut people off only from helping me. I dont cut people off in any other way.

And im desperately afraid right now. Just so sick and scared. Who the hell can i trust? The 3 or 4 friends who have proven over and over and over and over they're unconditionally here for me? The several others who are relatively new in my life that would do anything for me? The family members i never call who tell me to just let them know if EVER i need anything?

How many people have offered me solace and comfort and i dont go to it? How long has it persisted and how long will i continue to thirst for it? How long will trauma keep me desperate and sick and hurting? What am i to ask for when asking for help?

What is to be said? As someone who has NEVER. Had help. Period NEVER. I genuinely dont know what im supposed to ask for. What is there. Because anything they say is stuff i already know and say and do. It isn't fair that that makes me angry.

My cousin said all the comforting little phrases, things will get better. Shes right, ill find someone, this isnt the end of my life. But I'm about a fourth the way through my predicted life span(if im lucky) and it has hurt so bad the entire time that i formed a dissociative disorder. And i still can't act like a person, and not only am i so supremely isolated now, its about to get much worse in that area.

Do you really think that after a year of hell and overstimulation that being completely alone will be GOOD for me? That even though i crave quiet and peace and alone time where im not being percieved, within a month or 2 i will not be behaving incredibly ill? I will be so unbelievably sick in a way i have never been before. I am not prepared. Because if this is how i am with people near me, how will i be once I've finally writhed out and gotten on my own? Im not going to be okay. Im not okay now and im not seeming to improve at all rn. I have opportunity to feel better. But all i feel is agony

[silverfirewolfsurtleaus]

More vampire leo writings because its whats on my brain rn

Takes place after human Donnie finds out Leo's a vampire

------

"You live in the old sewer systems?" Leo rose an eye ridge at Donnie's baffled question. A water bottle loosely held in the actual teens hand.

"Yeah? The old subway station there is whats been my home since I was 15???" Leo was confused as to why this was a hard concept.

"Leo when where you 15 again?" Donnie was reminded that his friend was not a 16 year old mutant turtle but an much older vampire mutant turtle. He started taking a drink of his water.

"Back in 2019?" Leo answered casually. Donnie proceded to spit his water all over the vampire in shock. "Rude!"

"Leo you are over 100 years old more than that its 2618 for crying out loud!" Donnie had jumpped to his feet.

"Damn Im old." Leos joke was more muted in shock. "Hold has it really been that long fuck."

"And you still live in the sewers of old new york." Donnie sighed sitting down.

"Yes im sorry some things I just wanted some normalcy I guess abd living in my second home gave me some of that." Donnie was silent as leo continued. "Some times I can turn on the old projector and pretend my dads watching it while I make tea. That my brothers are doing their own thing. That im not the last one left." The blood tears were trying to well up.

Donnie mentally winced he was horrible with these sorts of talks. How does one comfort a 600 year old vampire?! What would his mom do. "Look Leo I cant tell you if thats a good thing or not. But you arent alone you know that right? Just because your family from then is gone physically doesnt mean they arent still with you right? You still remeber them... oh god this is akward of all the time for emotions to happen."

"Heh your right but also emotions suck?"

"You were just about to cry and now your jokeing please my heart cant handle this wiplash."

"I joke to cope and make others feel good." Leo shrugged "you know asside from enjoying jokeing."

"...but seriously there are better places for you to live now that yokai walk with humans right and have for the past 550 years? How did that even happen again the history books arent very clear?"

"I wish I could tell you I was in a magically induced healing coma at the time"

"I have so many questions about that and Im not sure I want them answered."

[one-abuse-survivor]

i really need to vent im so sorry. my sister is driving me to literal insanity. i dont know if im a manipulator or shes truly being a horrible person to me. i talk to my bf a lot. facetime pretty much all day every day, and she can hear me talking through the wall, mostly mumbles no words, but still noise, and she doesnt say anything. she games at the WORST times, honestly, at least we stop talking at 8/9pm, but thats when she starts gaming with her friends, screaming (yes. literal ear piercing screams from horror games) shouting and overall joyous loudness from her room. i put my headphones on and try to block it out, knowing shes just having fun and i need to put up with it. its been like this the whole year practically. the past week shes been getting closer to dad again. dad. the guy who hates me with a passion and mentally abused me for 2 years straight and never got a consequence for it. every. single. time. she hangs out with him, or games with him, she turns into this horribly mean snarky person who is so so rude. and ik im sounding dramatic but shes literally the opposite otherwise. but other than dad shes also got a new friend whos very judgemental and snarky so ig shes impressionable. but anyway the past week shes been very rude and mean to both me and my mum. mums a huge pushover so being mean to her is like kicking a dog, and i truly hate it when shes mean to her. cos mum loves her more than she loves me (its evident and shes told me multiple times i promise im not inferring it) so shes much more of a pushover with my sister 'everything has to be perfect for her'. i hate it. ik ik its jealousy but im dealing with it or at least trying to. so tonight she was singing horribly and ive not had a good day, im stressed, tired, and trying to sleep and here she is humming away purposefully sounding awful. i ask her to be quiet, continues, tell her to shut up, she continues, so i bang on the wall and i kid you not she slowly gets wuieter and quieter til its barely a mumble i can hear from her room and it makes me so unfathomably angry and i truly have no idea why. its like she knows every single button of mine and pushes them at will. so i texted her saying, why are you being such a dick lately its so annoying, to which she was like "i put up iwith you blah blah you cant put up with me blah' i told her to stop playing victim so she told me i need to learn to shut up and put up. a phrase straight from dads book. she knows it is and it throws me into a spiral ehenever i hear it and she knows!! so here i am angry af trying to calm down and not do something ill regret tomorrow, whilst shes happily downstairs making light conversation with dad. i hate it so so much. i did respond back, are you being sarcastic rn?? if not i dont want to speak to you ever again. and she said ok. ik ik its dramatic af but i just cant with her anymore she makes me feel how dad made me feel and i then react like a child, to a child. ik my responses are in the wrong, i really am sorry if i sound really childish or just plain stupid and im truly in the wrong, pls pls tell me if i am. i just cannot handle her at all lately shes literally been a demon lmao (jkjk) thank you for letting me vent to you, the safe space youve created really means a lot <3

hi im the anon whos mad at my sister, uhm - im very close to starting my period and have come to the conclusion that its the reason for the anger lol. Ik i do have some issues but i think it was mostly irrational anger when i wrote the vent, and not an acc issue, or at least thats what im really hoping is the answer lol. im super sorry about it, and i hope youre having an awesome day 💕

Hey, nonnie. I'm glad you could let out some of your frustration and anger here ❤️ I didn’t see your second ask until after writing the reply below, but I think all of it applies anyway, becuase we’re allowed to have days where we’re more irritable. I’m having a good day today, I hope you are too!

I don't think you sound childish or stupid, nonnie. It sounds to me like you might have had a trauma reaction toward her because of the abuse your dad put you through. Trauma reactions (ie. having flashbacks, going into fight/flight, becoming hypervigilant...) don't just appear when we're interacting with the people who abused us; they often also appear when other people do or say something that reminds us of the abuse. Your sister knowingly used a line your dad has used to hurt you before, so I think it is completely understandable that you had an emotional reaction that seems "dramatic" in retrospect. I can only talk from personal experience, but I've also done the same over text in the past, and it was always after something/someone sent me into a fight response.

And, nonnie, even if trauma responses don't justify our actions (they only explain them), I think it's fair to say that this situation with your sister escalated from both sides, not just yours. It wasn't you exploding at her out of nowhere. As you said, she was pushing your buttons, and she knew she was upsetting you, because you'd asked her to be quiet several times.

So yeah, if she makes you feel like your dad made you feel, I think it's understandable that you're having these big emotional reactions toward her when she oversteps your boundaries and purposefully pushes your buttons. You said you react "like a child" toward her, and I think it might be helpful to think about why your reactions feel like those of a child. Children—especially abused children—feel small and defenceless, and sometimes they lash out to protect themselves when this fear and defencelessness become overwhelming. So "reacting like a child" doesn't have to necessarily mean "oh I'm being so immature and stupid". It can mean "I feel threatened and helpless, so my body is having an instinctive reaction to protect me".

What I'm trying to get that is I think you ought to be a little bit kinder to yourself, nonnie. You're allowed to be affected by her attitude toward you. You're allowed to acknowledge that these reactions you're having aren't a flaw on your part, but a sign you're going through a lot of distress and your body is protecting you in any way it can.

I also think you need to be kinder to yourself about feeling jealous that your mum loves your sister more than you. Your jealousy isn't the thing that needs to be fixed in this situation. Your jealousy is a very appropriate reaction to a very unfair situation to you. You deserve to be loved and cared for and protected from harm as much as your sister. You never deserved to hear that your mum loves her more than you. You're not being selfish or childish by feeling jealous; you're just acknowledging your unmet emotional needs and acknowledging that you deserve better than this. And you really do. You deserve so, so much better than this.

Your emotions are allowed, nonnie. Your anger and your jealousy and your defensiveness when she's mean to you and your mum are all allowed. Please don't forget that.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[ador3rin]

act two : cap | just watch the movie | act three : diy

the rhythmic hum of the wheels of your suitcase trails behind you as you sweep your eyes across the new and unfamiliar surroundings. clusters of people, most likely other students both new and old fill the spacious courtyard you had now found yourself standing in the middle of. adjusting your grip on your suitcases’ handle, you place it upright as you come to a stop. your best friend kameko was lost in the sea of bodies, having bounded off in an indiscernible direction shouting commands of “stay right here!” and “i’ll be right back!”.

huffing as your soft lips form a slight pout, you pull out your phone from the confines of your pants pocket as you begin your attempt to relocate your now missing friend. before you’ve even managed to unlock your phone however, you feel a sudden heavy impact on the right side of your frame and whip your head around to uncover the cause. an irritation spikes up within you, as you clutch onto your device which had almost made contact with the concrete ground if it weren’t for your vice like grip on it.

“oops! i’m sorry about that!” the male’s voice interjects before you can speak, correctly assuming that you weren’t so happy about the collision. “i wasn’t looking where i was going because i was waving to my friend- he’s over there, see?” your gaze flickers from the stranger’s face momentarily, before deciding it was pointless and resettling your wary eyes back onto him.

“it’s.. it’s alright.” you begin, seeing no point in further prolonging this accidental interaction. it’s not like you were likely to ever see him again, or befriend him either. right? “no, really, it was my bad” the faux blonde insists, now sporting a toothy grin. “names atsumu! but most of my friends just call me ‘tsumu.” ‘atsumu’ slides his hands into the pockets of his navy green jacket and straightens his posture, noticeably awaiting your response.

“yn.” you respond curtly, with a tight lipped smile. it’s not like the guy was terrible or anything, he was actually rather friendly in fact. you just weren’t really feeling the making-friends-with-the-guy-that-bumped-into-me vibes at the moment, and since it didn’t seem like he was letting up anytime soon, you took matters into your own hands. “it was nice to meet you atsumu, but my friends actually waiting for me over there, so i gotta go.” raising your free hand to throw him a half-assed wave, you scurry off a little ways away before he can respond, far enough to be shielded within the crowd.

“she was so into me.” atsumu mumbles to himself with a shit eating grin, shaking his head as he continued on towards the male’s dorms.

# ange’s comments

i’m on such a roll rn w the content LMFAO, i cant stop thinking about this au rn

yachi, yn & kameko are all friends! they met during nekoma & karasuno's training camp and have since kept in touch

sweet boy kenma isn’t the biggest out there, but he does care deeply about his friend’s safety 🥺

hopefully the writing portion wasn’t too horrible!!! <3

tags : @call-me-lulu @achoomoos @chirity-chu @moonlit-island @yourlocalbabybird @tsukkisboo @sunarinsbubs @sunasbadposturelmao

- if ur @ is color coded, i am unable to tag u :( </3

[vldkeith]

(i have read the faqs don’t worry!! )

why is it that you don’t like the dirty laundry fanfic? is it just not your type of ff or?

gonna copy and paste my answers from some older posts bc i mostly still agree with what i said then!

from one post i made before:

the whole fanfic was written by a white person, so their intense focus on portraying lance’s family as homophobic is….kind of racist? like just because it’s something that actually happens doesn’t mean white people get a pass to write an entire story centering around it, a story that is honestly just angst porn wrt lance’s family. like. it’s one thing for a hispanic person to write a story like this, but quite another for a white person who has not experienced it to do so, because they’re kind of just working off of stereotypes. i dont think the person who wrote it is racist at ALL but i do think that what they chose to write and how they chose to write it kind of exemplifies the racist dynamic of america & how many white liberals view hispanic people as hopelessly conservative wrt things like homosexuality. it’s really not their place to comment on it. there are also hispanic people who agree that it is racist, so it’s not like im going against the grain here. 

and from another, earlier post:

 i read this like….back in 2017 when it was still semi-new (and was there to see it replaced with the bee movie script after it got so much flack, and then when it was deleted altogether) and i have to say…as literally the FIRST klance fanfic i read (i always sort by hits/kudos) it was such a BAD INTRO TO THE KLANCE DYNAMIC!! like! god ok i don’t remember it being written that horribly but the plot points were just WHACK like. kenzie mentioned yesterday the like car fight thing?!?! what the hell was that??? and lance’s family being homophobic?? lance not rly accepting keith’s “love letter” (writing the words “keith’s love letter” was painful bc keith would never DO THAT) but then trying to make up for it by like…serenading him in a mcdonalds or smth?! idk if im remembering right and tbh the most i remember from the fic was like, the roadtrip and even THAT i don’t remember a lot bc it was kind of boring and bad characterization but tbh it was just so overhyped. ppl were like “wow this is the klance fanfic this is what the fandom is founded upon” and i just don’t see it and even back then i don’t think i saw it, though i acted like i did bc i was 17 and just wanted to fit in. again it was also one of my first experiences with klance so i didnt rly have a strong frame of reference yet but man….idkidk i dont think it deserved the intense hate it got but the vaguely racist(?) (stereotypical might be a better word? racist seems a bit intense but i cant think of another word rn) undertones of how lance’s hispanic family was portrayed definitely rubs me the wrong way thinking back on it now and i just dont think the author was equipped to handle such widespread popularity given that. 

i think i was actually too easy on it with this answer ^ from 2020 lmao.

it just plays into soooo many racist stereotypes about hispanic families/people and about the "drama" of gay male relationships (they get out of the car just to physically fight each other at one point like i mentioned up there) and if that wasn't enough to convince people it's just not a good fanfiction, the characterization of both keith and lance is very Off imo again as i outlined above. overall just a product of early klance fandom that is best left in the dark shadows of history, only to be resurrected as a demonstration of what you probably should not do when youre writing a mlm relationship between poc

[automaticbananaskeletoncrea-blog]

login day 1 sunday 8/10/22

I’m 28

In the past I have lost my mind

Almost killed myself by an impulse while drunk

survived to live a life of awful diagnosis

guilt linked to the fact it was from my own hands

entourage treating me like i was possessed, bringing me alcohol in hospital and envying the 2 bucks I have when I’m clearly not flexing and disabled

they still envied the shit out of me

they dont understand that what drove me to despair was the fact I had no one

instead they punish me

isolate me

denigrate me

treat me like, like what exactly EVEN IF THEY KNOW EVERYTHING THAT DOESNT GIVE THEM NO RIGHT TO SEE ME SMALLER

mother litterally is about to tell me everything is my fault for the rest of time

i could never be her bestie her persona carries the stankiest of auras, she’s degrading and mean and inconsiderate and only cares about everybody else’s business

she actually already mentionned that if i had problems “linked to my lifestyle” i would be on my own

i am on my own now

i bought a computer that’s not a mcbook for a price higher than a macbook

i had no choice since i cant pay up 900 for a good one while paying rent

my father couldnt wait to have me home to pay rent while he works all week and goes out all night

my parents will never separate and i still got caught up in their BS this year and got insulted so many new times: i couldnt speak because i dont have a degree, my character is worse than them, my relationships were mocked as if i was a monster

it’s her fault i’m this bitter

it’s the active poison she injects into my daily life

no more

i’m done giving my time and effort

destroyed my ankle to be treated like someone who f8CK to eat dinner

i’m done with that wh2re of a horrible woman

DONE WITH ABUSIVE WOMEN

WEAK A5S INSECURE A5S B7TCH

THEY COULDNT EVEN JUST SAY CONGRATULATIONS

CANT EVEN SAY IT IDC IF SHE DOESNT FEEL LIKE ITS REAL

IM DONE TRYING TO PROVE HER ANYTHING

COULDNT EVEN BE PROUD OF MY WEIGHTLOSS OR MAKE ONE GENUINE COMPLIMENT!!!!! AFTER ALL IVE BEEN THRU THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEA IM A BIG EVERYTHING STAY MAD YOU HATER

HOW I FEEL:  NEGLECTED 

DROVEN CRAZY BY THE FACT THEY TOLD ME THEY USED TO BE SOOO DIFFERENT WHEN THE SITUATION KEEPS BLEEDING ME OUT WORSE EVERY YEAR

LIKE I DONT HAVE ANY OF MY PROBLEMS

THAT I HANDLE VERY GRACEFULLY

HOW I FEEL: DISAPPOINTED IN LINA WHO TREATS THE CHAT LIKE A DUMP AND I HATE IT I HATE HER IM DONE ENTERTAINING THIS BS RELATIONSHIP SHE CANT EVEN ACT FAKE SAD WHEN I BREAK

TOO BUSY THINKING SHES BETTER THAN ME

I WISH THEY FEEL HOW I FEEL RN

HOW I FEEL: sad unfortunately this experience leaves me once again feeling empty and helpless and desperate and i just have to carry along because shit could be worse

[shoezuki]

Preamble that I feel bad for the guy tbh but how he's dealing w/ it is on him. End a the day he's a whole stranger and he's not like two, he can handle himself (presumably) and if he can't it ain't our business. Also necessary preamble that there are many Ranboo enjoyers who aren't cringe. A lot of them actually. To the point where I don't really like to bring stuff like this up in specific bc it Does magnify problems via exposure

However. Disclaimer that this is a complaint about the worst aspects of my time in a fandom and that this is not all of it aside

TWT RANBOO STANS *DESPISE* LISTENING TO "OUR" STREAMER LIKE NO ONE FUCKING ELSE. THEY FUCKIN' HATE IT. EVERY WORD THAT IS SAID ONSTREAM OR ON ANY OF HIS MEDIA ACCTS IS NOTHING TO THEM. Ranboo is literally not even a streamer to them the way they act. The man will beg, literally fucking BEG over and over to not mention him in people's chats, to not *yell at people in chat to not spam,* to please not use him as a profpic if they're getting into drama, and then concede ground to please not use him as a profpic if you're sending threats, please do not fucking send threats, please, he has said this so many times, and Yet my comrades' twt blocklists are full of Ranboo profpics that send death threats with 0 shame. 0 shame, what so fucking ever. Chat too! Chat the fuck too! Chat is way better than twt bc at least it's not violent but I swear to Christ they are literally deaf! Begging for answers to questions that are answered in his bios and over and over onstream already and in the FAQ that is RIGHT THERE if you scroll down a HALF FUCKING CENTIMETER! Spamming stupid shit, and then spamming "CHAT STOP" even as streamer exhaustedly says "chaaat putting 'chat stop' just makes more spam".

Literally not a single Ranboo stan has basic damn listening or reading comprehension. It shows in how people fail to comprehend basic fucking facts abt his RP character (everyone knew this was coming) and it shows in how no matter how much he fucking pleads people to stop sending fucking death threats with his face attached or says he's uncomfortable giving out certain information people will just trample on those boundaries as if they ain't fucking there. Being in the Ranboo stan twtbase is literally training to blatantly ignore boundaries and dehumanize streamers and it shows in every aspect of how they treat not just "our" streamer but every single person, character, and social media personality they goddamned come across as text to speech machines, dressup dolls, and punching bags

It honestly blows my fucking mind. Like. Ostensibly, you enjoy this streamer and his content, right? Which I would think means you watch his content? But apparently fucking not!

It is honestly fucking disgusting it is unbelievable. I don't like to dwell on it for aforementioned reasons and like, dwelling is also smth streamer has mentioned correctly as Not Good, but genuinely the situation in certain small vocal pockets of the Ranboo stanbase is horrific and I hope these people get so much help and also maybe better material than increasingly unreadable censorship for "die." Actual productive debate is really fun, guys, come have a redemption arc and argue about the effects New L'Manberg had on c!Ranboo with me, please, why can't we all be nice, god, why,

Anyway that's my piece. Thank you for hearing me out I believe this is the first time I've gotten the chance to try to flex the new lack of charalimit for asks and I must say I enjoy it

YEAAAAAA FUCK IT UUUPPPPP FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSS JESUS FUCK YAAAAA

tbhtbh I USED to watch ranboo but i jus like. Cant anymore from donations n the unfortunate fact that So Many People whove gotten At me on twitter have ranboo pfps and how a lot of them treat him is genuinely Gross to me. Even jus w like. Seeing shit bout him and tubbo being 'roommates' rn like i HATE that shit. Ppl objectify him n ignore his boundaries n jus do such horrible shit w his name all over their accts n its despicable. I feel so harshly for the dude like that shit Sucks. But also he does tend to 'give in' to twitter shit sometimes like when he was saying not to trend stuff bout his meetup because he didnt want to 'overshadow' current events (altho ppl on twitter couldnt even listen to him for THAT)

Its jus a Shame cuz like. The dude Is genuinely cool. N he cares a lot. I feel his 'fans' of this calibre take advantage of his leniency/desire to please people and his Anxieties around messing up in any minor way n they jus. Walk on him in that regard. Cant even respect their own streamer

I think a bit ago i said somethin on it like. How sometimes i think these twitter ppl dont even LIKE ranboo or actually Watch Him. They jus want to feel some sort of moral superiority of stanning an 'unproblematic' cc and have some sense of control over a cc considering how he was made to apologize on his alt for those largrly harmless 'i dress like a lesbian' jokes he made. Like truly this weirdass gross community they made under his name is such a fucking shame n it sucks. No doubt its turned other ppl away from his streams Like Me

[tsunderedoctor]

Hii! So, let me introduce you to not ye properly named crew (i call it the Pirate's Princess Crew but eh).

1)Captain

Ookami D. Mariss. 24 y/o (also her "present" is before the 2 years time skip) She is under heavy redoing rn, so i dont have her pic or i dunno if her surname will stay. But she was born as Kersley D. Mariss, to a Pirate Princess - which is basically a.. well smt like "Pirate King" in The Pirates of Carribean franchise. She has the power to lead all 4 of the Yonkos, and even tho is "born" with the title, the 4 Emperors needs to acknowledge her and swear her loyalty before she is "official". She was 15 when she got appointed as such, only 3 Emperors were present (which is minimum.) Kaido missing. And two out of three voted yes, Big Mom being the only against out of the three. She is cursed by a wolf god-like creature - tho by accident. So she can shapeshift into wolf. She wields the power of Voice (goes w/ being Pirate Princess). Also has dragon Zeyra and best wolf friend, Kasumi.

Her fav pastime is meditating.

2)Firstmate; Navigator

Then there is Ren, pic also in redoing. He is 29, nicknamed "The Knight" and wields buster sword. He honestly should get raise for all the bullshit he has to deal with in daily basis. Childhood friend of Mariss, but didnt see each other between 6 - well teen years.

He is the artist of the crew and his fav pastime is tattoing.

3)Chef, occasional healer

(Vinsmoke) Trixie. Okay she is second ever made OP OC, and i made her like.. ages ago.. before the Vinsmoke ordeal was shown but holy shit she fits right in! She doesnt uses her surname. And she is older sister to Sanji (now i say she is twin to Reiju). She is 21 y/o but was born 24 years ago. TLDR: born, got experimented on, no result - Judges accidentally "kills her" and let her drifts on sea, so it would seem like horrible accident. She then gets find by The Great Calamity - chinese dragon-like sea spirit, known to feast on souls. And spents 3 irl lives in vacuum, her soul too weak to return to her body, but cant be consumed by the spirit due to Germa testing. Here finds here Mariss, driftinh in a sea and asks the Wolf god-like thing to save her. Which happens, cursing Mariss with shapeshifting powers in the process.

Trixie wields the cursed water powers and is skilled in close comba and bo-jutsu. Beside the whole soul eating problem, the only way the Germa's experiment can be seen is cuz she usually lacks empathy towards enemies and is very prone to anger. She is nicknamed "The Water Empress".

Also cant hold her liquor. Its bad. No tolerance at all. And she loses all of her sense when drunk, it got so bad that Mariss banned her from drinking, unless there is Ren or Mariss to take care of her.

Her fav pastime is bubblegum blowing, while thinking of new recepies. Loves ice cream. And similarly to liquor, she cant handle coffee. She gets even crazier after a cup, and gets migraines.

Oh and despite her being the less stable one out of the crew, everone ways expect Rita to be the psycho of the crew. Its not. Its Trixie.

4)Gunner/Sharp Shooter

Akane Rita, 21 y/o ex-thief/killer-on-hire. Wields the power of God of Fire (based on Kagutsuchi mythology) and is skilled in firearms (Ekan still thinks its horrible idea to have the emodiment of fire dragon handle gunpowder 😂). Rita's fire actually has no shape, but to provoke Trixie she usually makes fire dragons. She has pair of pistols (Kagu and Chi) on her all the time, but also has rifle named Star, but can use huge variety of fire arms. Also has twin daggers named Sun and Moon from her thief days.

Due to her powers and Trixie powers.. the fight a lot. Usually just with snarky remarks, but sometime also with powers. Ren is on babysitting duty all the time.

Her fav pastime is cleaning guns and yes, she csn handle the spice (and is addicted to coffee)

5) Doctor

Zaviria, 18 y/o - the youngest member and only DF user. She is quiet, but touch her plants and you are dead. Her parents are surgeon and chemic with aunt as herbalist, and she got smt from all of them. Cant find notes on her DF, but basically she could manipulate plants and flowers. She is the one who supplies Alix with poison. She prefers to breed her plants into using it as sleep/poison powders, so she wouldnt have to do the dirty work. Also, can throw needles with scaring precision and for some reason is WAY too good with alcohol. Likes horror and unsolved murders podcasts.

6) Scout/Assasin/Ninja-like

Alix. Boyfriend of Ren. 24 y/o. He is pretty new so i dont know much. Is stealthy, can kill variety of weapons and is skilled in posion usage etc. Has a hawk he can ride on. No pic yet. Only that he looks lanky and boyish, kinda like Luffy...but is older. Bestie with Zaviria and thinks of her as her younger sister. They listens to unsolved murders together. Also has immpecable sense of stability. Like man can SIT while standing on pole/string.

7) Shipwright and Helmsman

Ekan, 20 y/o. They're 1/4 fishman. Grew up in grandfather's martial arts dojo and mum's shipwright company. Trained in fishman karate, can breath underwater and has weapon, but not sure what yet.

P.s. Rita/Trixie/Mariss are cold the "The Cursed Sisters". Rita has the most epiteph out of all: ^ that; "The Fire Empress" due to her powers and "The Red Death" when she briefly worked as bounty hunter when the crew was disbanded for a year.

((👉👈🥺 thats VERY brief introduction to my chaotic crew.. yet i still it might have been a bit too much. Pls dont bother to react if you would feel overloaded or smt. Have lovely dad!)) ((Also if you want to gush about your MCs, go on!)) ((Maybe.. can they handle alcohol? Are they like Trixie and absolitely not, or suprisingly well like Zaviria?))

Sorry this took so long to respond!! I wanted to wait when I got off!!

But they all sound amazing!! I think Roese and Zaviria could be friends!! Roese is a green witch so she makes medicines and talks to plants, she can also manipulate them at will, but isn't that strong yet haha!! So I think being doctors and plant lovers they would get along 💜💜💜

[milkaneiko]

。

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[tsukidrama]

rant below the cut about the coworker i hate who is also the most pigheaded and fundamentally unlikable person i have ever met in my life!

background: i sprained my knee really badly last week & therefore less helpful at work than usual in terms of moving tables and lifting heavy stuff. but to be fair i also step up and do more than i have to with that normally since i'm by far the strongest woman who works there. anyway this bitch i absolutely despise, and i want to fucking choke and die, who i constantly come on here to complain about, etc today tested me in the following way:

1) yell at me from across the fkn restaurant?? I CANT HEAR YOU BITCH! are you seriously gonna make me walk across the dining room just to hear what you're saying and it turns out to be something SO dumb or something that i clearly don't know the answer to? when you know i'm in pain already??

2) asked me if my leg was "actually" hurt because i wasn't limping? bitch just because i'm not hobbling around like a troll a doesn't mean that i'm not actually hurt? i shouldn't have to (and didn't) prove to her that my injury is real

3) immediately after this, accused me of playing up the level of pain i was in so that i didn't have to help her put the salt and pepper shakers on the tables. no you lazy bitch i have my own shit to take care of and me helping you before was just because i'm nice. i am NOT obligated to do your job for you and now i'm never going to help you again, with anything, ever. maybe if you can't handle walking around and putting shit on a table you shouldn't be a fucking waitress.

4) interrupted me constantly and when not just when i'm talking to her but when im talking to ANYONE! me asking someone in the back if they can hand me something? this bitch is gonna cut in and go "[cook's name] TSUKI SAID SHE NEEDS ANOTHER XYZ" i am going to fucking explode. he heard me when i was the one who asked!

5) her big old fat oompa loompa looking watermelon ass hits a chair and knocks it on the ground, and you're going to tell the customer it's MY fault? when i'm 30 feet away and minding my own business? the customer never laughs and it makes me hate you so incredibly much.

6) comes up to me 3 separate times with varying degrees of "hey are you okay?" and "did I do something? what's wrong, do I owe you an apology?" and I just - fuck you. you know exactly what you did and the fact that you're putting the burden on me to say "you're a bully and a genuinely unlikable person" makes you a coward and apparently even more of a fucking idiot than you already do!

anyway i thought i enjoyed my job but this one horrible person is destroying my mental health and i don't know how to bring it up to my manager without completely losing my shit. and honestly i can usually tune out people that i don't like, and i have NEVER had an issue in my life where i hate someone so much that i can't get through a shift with them, but i'm seriously about to fucking quit. i would rather give up the regularity and stability of working weekday mornings and start a new job even though i literally just got a raise last week. so yeah that's where i'm at rn and it's only monday 💖