#but i sat downto do it today cuz i forgor my drawing stylus at school so i wanted summin to do that didnt require me to turn on my computer

[this-should-do]

OUGH the tags about the toxic love story, I NEED to see ur toxic Barney and Gordon PLEASEUH

bestie im afraid that i dont particularly have anyhting to show rn, most of it is just words in my head, at most i have the last drawings at teh end of this post that are in reference to a sequel to a story me n a friend are wanting to write lmao but yeah, i love mkaing shit up about characters that have littel to no development in canon

to sum up, barney has ISSUES from before the rescas that cause him to latch onto gordon BAD and he never quite fets over it during those 20 years becuz trauma really prevents you from processing shit especially when ur arney who just refuses to take the time to actually tink about his issues outside a horribly self demeaning and sabotaging way if he isnt actively repressing them, so tehn when gordon shows back up (with his own issues well talk about in a minute) he reignites a bunch of feelings barney had but they get buried under 20 years of resentment and dissillusionment as well as the feeling that are reignitied are twisted and fucked up by rosetinted lenses about who gordon was so when gordon shows up with his brand new issues as in from the last day of just the rescas plus the newer issues of hte past 5 minutes of being luanched into a future where everything is different frmo what he knows when he is a man of staticness and immutable reality tethering him to proper functiong, he just cant handle it so when he isnt acting like a machine to cope with war hes trying to act like things are the same as they were before and in his hurting lowkey tries to force others he knew (particulalry barney cuz they were very close before the rescas, though they had not reached a confession state yet) to act liek they did before without meaning to by way of only responding as a person would when they perform to standard, otherwise he tends to shut down mentally, always counting and documenting when things are different without meaning to int turn the way this behavior affects barney is that becuz barney is a guy who tends to force negative feelings down and always try to be funny while simultaneously keeping everyone at arms distance, forces himself to playthe role of himself 20 years ago to his own harm while constantly flipping between keeping gordon at arms length (which hits the counter gordon has for howt higns are different without him even realizing it becuz ona surface level barney is acting the same, leading to a faster breakdown of his part) and jealous possession of gordon and wanting to keep gorodn to himself becuz in his brain he knew and cared for gordon more than anyone else and that he was first and gordon is HIS friend and his person to love (this also sets of gordons counter in a different way becuz its still not quite how barney was before, but thats to be expected nobody can act as they were before perectly even someone as adept at pretending ot be anyone but himself as barney is) however by constantly trying to keep up the old him persona, he feels unloved as himself further cementing the idea that he ash to keep up the act otherwise gordon wont love or care for him which further spoils gordon in his own mind despite his unhealthy attachment to gordon who had been a piece of the past to hold close to himself for comfort over 20 years, making their relationship very muddy this is all of course ignoring the pain that preceeds a state where this dynamic would occur , meaning thetime during the games before a peace time, where 99% of the time gordon is locke dup nerneath his Freeman persona which upsets barney who has to deal with all the rough edges he forgot about plus more so he starts to resent gordon not just for in his eyes abandoning him but also for not being the same as he remembered, a similar but different struggle to gordon, which inturn causes barney to lean into this distant but casual persona we see in game, perceptively frineds enough that people can tell but no where near what you might expect someone who was such close frineds with someone who disappeared for 20 years might act

so essentailly they are contantly doign things unintentionally or not that hurt the other or make their own self hurt, or having an unhealthy attachment to the other lmao now i also have more about their relationship that develops in a story me and a friend are rying to pull together, but that part of it wouldnt happen for sosososoos long same for the stroy it self being published lmao, but just know that it relies on barneys obsession and selfishness and possessiveness over gordon and having to deal with someone else being close to him when he couldnt be there after losing gordon a 2nd time vis a vis epistle 3 shenangians