#I CANNOT BELIEVE I havent seen anyone do this with him yet

[ms-scarletwings]

[lesbianwyllravengard]

i still have yet to play bg3 so i still dont go here yet but Wyll seems literally like one of the most compelling characters of all time and im not even joking. I havent even played the GAME but his character arc haunts me /pos. people are literally just racist to say that he isn't compelling

LITERALLY. He's utterly fascinating. He is a folk hero, a legend, the fantasy equivalent of superman. He's a warlock who is secretly pacted to a devil. He hates devils. He's an incredible liar. He's incredibly sincere. He's silly. He unironically enjoys puns and clowns. He over-exaggerates his Blade personality because it amuses him. He sometimes doesn't know where The Blade ends and Wyll begins. His hero-ness is a performance; not to hide ill intent, but to hide a broken man, to hide weaknesses and fears. It's who he is. It's always been a distant thing, a mask. It's who he thinks he must be. He loves freely and openly and will let anyone know it. He's only ever wanted to know he's loved. He still thinks his father's inability to trust or believe in him was all his fault. He still thinks that every bit of suffering he's ever experienced was all his fault. He thinks admitting to suffering would be disrespectful to the lives he's saved. He thinks he has to suffer or else his sacrifices were worthless. He thinks it couldn't be a sacrifice if he didn't suffer for it. He would take any suffering if it meant lessening someone else's. He is the first person to stand up for someone's life and safety, the first person to defend someone's worth and autonomy. He is the last person to do so for himself. He is of the least importance to himself.

He needs to be needed, because if he's not needed then what good is his power and the soul he sacrificed for the pact to get it? And if he can't be needed then he throws himself into the fray without hesitation because his purpose has always been to sacrifice himself so others may live. His life has always been one of sacrifice. His life has been recompense since the second he was born and his mother passed as a result. He saves lives to make up for it. It will never be enough to him. It will always be everything to those he saves. He just wants to be seen for who he truly is. He thinks if no one can see him for who he is then maybe it isn't who he is, and maybe he's fooled them all, fooled himself into thinking he can be a better person, be the hero they need. He wants to be known by someone. He's terrified of someone looking deeper. He sees others for who they are. He's a monster hunter who does not hunt the typical definition of "monster", who knows that monsters are not the ones with fangs and horns in his group of friends but the men who look harmless yet cause endless death and suffering to others. Not even the threat of his life was enough to get him to harm an innocent.

He wants to be chosen. He cannot fathom that someone would choose him. He chooses others over himself every time. He has so much love for others. He thinks he must constantly earn love. He is shocked when someone simply loves him. He thinks he cannot love and lead at the same time. His only role model was a father who could never put his son before his city. He is capable of immense anger. He is capable of immense kindness. He purposefully chooses the latter; he works hard to not let his anger consume him. He's still angry over things that happened a near decade ago. He thinks feeling hurt is the same as being angry and so he can't be hurt. He's always hurting. He takes pride in his achievements and he does not underestimate himself. He's not religious. He devotes himself to his cause with the dedication of the most pious believer. He stands by his friends in any battle, against any struggle. He stands against them if they choose to threaten lives. He holds on to those he cares about with bloody knuckles and teeth bared because loss has always been the hardest pain for him to bear. He has lost everything. He gives every part of himself to others. He cannot lose anyone else. He thinks he can do anything because he refuses to believe any alternative. Because he could not survive any alternative. He thinks his intent is as important as his actions, and so he must always intend to do the right thing.

He does not tolerate his boundaries being pushed or his father being disrespected. He tolerates any judgment because he thinks he deserves it. He defends his status as the Blade of Frontiers. He thinks the fear caused by his devil form is a fault of his own that he must work to fix. He hates the patriars and their farce diplomacy, their lethal hypocrisy. He thinks his father is infallible. He does not hold himself to the same regard as he holds everyone else. He thinks its okay if it only hurts him. Anything is okay as long as it only hurts him. He has to keep fighting to prove he can be a hero. He is so, so tired. He cannot for one second admit to wanting for anything, because once he starts he might not be able to stop wanting. He cannot accept that he deserves to not suffer, too, because if he does he might not be strong enough to continue suffering so others might suffer less. He might not want to suffer. He thinks he cannot regret any decision he's made, he cannot regret his pact, because it would be a dishonour to the good he's done with it. He thinks that saying he regrets his pact would be saying he regrets every life he's saved with it and he would never regret saving lives so he cannot regret his pact. He's accepted that his freedom will always be the cost of saving lives. He desperately wants to be free. His life has never been his own, to him. He thinks every choice he's ever made was his own, alone.

He is very complex. He simplifies himself to be easily accepted by others. People fall for it easily. He just needs one person to look closer. He's afraid of what they'll find if they do. He doesn't keep his cards close to his chest, he meticulously chooses which cards to hold at all. Which parts of himself are worth losing if need be. How much of himself he has to keep close in order to keep being himself. He has seen the worst that the world has to offer. He chooses every day to be kind, to see the best in things, in others. He chooses to care. He holds onto his pain because it's proof that he cares. There are several pathways that don't connect quite right in his brain which you'll notice after a few conversations with him. He is wise beyond his years. He is my favourite guy ever

[fjordline]

i cannot believe i wrote an essay for a comment on my post asking for my opinion.. only to get blocked before i could reply 💔

disclaimer: this is about something as unimportant as a character in a transformer comic and why i don't like him

i dont want to make anyone who's a tailgate superfan feel bad or anything this is just my personal opinion as someone who has read all of idw1. despite of how it may seem.. i do not identify as a hater! anyway, he's not an overtly bad character at the start, the contrived asspulls begin around the tyrest arc, tg supposedly has one day left to live because of lethal cybercrosis. he goes on to save everyone by jumping tyrest and then later rewriting the code of the legislators. and after a drawn out sad monologue on his death bed, cyclonus stabs him with his greatsword which…. for some reason cures his deadly illness. and it only gets worse once megatron arrives, the whole narrative bends over backwards to asskiss megatron and make you think of tailgate as some kind of cute mascot character to set up for the getaway 'villain' arc. tailgate is written as a stupid baby who earnestly believes he's injecting megatron with an 'anti-villain-virus' to get rid of his evil thoughts, his holoform is also. a baby. jro tries to make getaway look bad by making him cartoonishly evil, when, what getaway did cannot begin to be compared to everything megatron was doing right up to his trial. yet getaway gets all his limbs and jaw amputated and megatron gets to carry on with his ''''''''''''''''reformed autobot''''''''''''''' shit and all the good guys stick up for him.

yet somehow even worse than the megatron bootlicking is the 'energy spasm' incident. when cyclonus is shot while protecting tailgate and this causes him to be sooooo heartbroken that he .. has a panic attack that causes some kind of rainbow wave to go off for no reason. this wave somehow, not only wakes thunderclash up from his coma, but gives tailgate inexplicable super strength invincibility powers. It boggles my mind what made tg deserve any of that, because he cared about cyclonus and was sad he seemingly died? does that mean chromedome wasn't sad enough when rewind died or he also would have energy spasmed? this is around where i stopped on my last re-read so i don't remember the specific events of lost light quite as well, i do remember it not getting much better though.

and i personally cannot stand smol uwu bean type characters, when he says some shit like 'i deserve a heckin bomp for this' i start wanting to drown in a bathtub. cyclonus deserves so much better. they have no chemistry. they're just the 'grumpy x sunshine OTP XD' trite trope. whirl and cyc have a 200000 times more interesting dynamic. rodimus and his hatred of hats is a more interesting dynamic.

i feel like cyc gets bogged down so hard by the romance plot hes forced to take part in, when he's away from tg he is so much more entertaining and interesting. at a certain point it's like he starts doing fuck all except hang around tailgate and wax poetic about their love. cdrw manages to never be annoying when they're loveydovey with each other, but cygate drives me up the wall

mtmte is simultanously so good… yet so mald inducing that it compels me to write shit like this. i wouldnt care so much about this one fucking robot if (most of) the rest of the comic wasn't so excellent

this is all subjective obviously and i havent seen anyone else dislike tg other than me and some friends. he literally seems to be universally loved so maybe im just sick and twisted.

[digitulworld]

spooky month theories and things i noticed so far lalala

-jack isnt part of the cult, and his actions are not intentionally meant to keep john from his goal, but like captain and shotgun man, he was hired specifically so his weaknesses would slow john down and prevent him from investigating the cult. jack is easily distracted, scared of clowns, and seems to not care enough about the cult compared to john. in one of the endings, although john looks out the window suspiciously, jack has a smug look, as though he isnt taking john seriously. intentional or not, its this action that allows ignacio to burn the evidence

-ignacio was ordered to burn the evidence in johns house, but, presumably by his own decision, kept photos of johns family. it may be to gain further knowledge on his family for potential blackmail. whether the attempt to burn the photo of a younger looking john is for personal reasons or not is also unknown. it is also unknown why ignacio would wait for jack and john to leave the house so that they would survive the housefire, but it might be to eventually indoctrinate or sacrifice them

-the candy dealer, due to having the same va as john, might actually be a relative of john. possibly his brother, because so far, out of all the hatzgang, robert is the only one with unconfirmed parents. he has three confirmed siblings, an uncle, aunt, cousin, and grandparents, but no mom and dad. there is no explanation or reasoning for why roberts parents havent made an appearance or mention yet

-there is a track titled "aeternum" that plays during the spooky month secret endings. aeternum means forever and eternity. this track plays when a cult member or multiple appear on screen, dead or alive. however, this track also plays in strebers rehearsal, when the scene cuts to a closeup of his now cracked photo

-frank is either a victim, servant, or has some affiliation with the cult due to him possibly being part of the undead. we know his black eyes are natural, since we see a small photo on johns corkboard of him wearing a disguise containing a mustache and white eyes. frank also shows a visual similarity to the frankenstein character trope with a massive body and square head. hes also been seen kidnapping children and selling drugged treats, similar to what mr clown and the candy dealer do

-on the topic of the undead, streber is not confirmed to be a part of it, but his short foreshadows the details of his fate, all except livs comment on him becoming a part of the undead. evermores lines on bobs attacks, saying its unknown if anyone got killed or if its just a show, along with strebers theatrical performance as a vampire, and skid and pump believing his injury was faked once they left the haunted house, leaves questions as to why bob didnt kill streber, but rather just ate his arm. i cannot find a reason why he didnt eat him in a way that would be fatal to streber, unless he knew the amount of blood loss caused from losing an arm would kill him. bob is confirmed to dismember his victims after killing them, and streber is foreshadowed to be part of the undead

-semi related to the above observation, bob is confirmed to have a kill count of at least 8, but has only had a single joke killing in his episode with the pelo cameo. bob was specifically targeting skid and pump that night, which is why he stalled and ate candy instead of directly killing lila and kevin. he also only ate strebers arm, and stole the hatzgangs candy instead of murdering them. the only ones he actively stalked and made an effort to kill were skid and pump, even after needing to be revived by the pendant multiple times

-on the topic of the pendant, pumps eyes only turn blue when faced with a supernatural or demonic entity. when bob was run over, pumps eyes turned blue. there is a slight chance that the eyes of the universe was either allowing bob to revive, or was possessing him

-the cult has been creating the happy fella dolls with the sole purpose of being possessed. dexter was forced into the doll, as stated by pelo, and as a result he now sits in a bucket in the attic observing the items around him that he can now conclude are important, especially the mannequin which has been seen moving on its own multiple times. dexter also knows about the spider, and the thieves needing the items not for themselves, but for a higher up. it may be thematically important that the cult created the dolls, so that dexter can use this knowledge against them if he were to make a return

-pump is fascinated by eldritch monsters and befriended one, while susie is infatuated with demons and the underworld, creating a school project themed after hell and drawing demons during her free time. this may or may not be important, but the siblings do share a love for powerful beings and their interests could be relevant to the plot in later episodes

[freyito]

I'm in that 'damn I'm too feminine guess I'll die' phase right now, pretty sure it happens monthly, so, I was wondering if I could ask for Liu Kang with a ftm reader who's normally happy just crashing down one day, specifically because they think they're too feminine for people to perceive them as a guy?

Thank you for writing such amazing stuff btw!! :D

anon, you saved me. you SAVED ME. ive been in such a mood and ive been wanting to write something comforting!!! but i havent been able to think of a prompt and i didnt really have the energy for anything in my inbox. and then you BLESSED me with this absolute banger of a request oh em gee.

and don't worry, you're not alone either anon, im also lowkey goin thru it. twinsies!!!! letting you know, from a very feminine (androgynous, but apparently i seem fem aligned) trans man, its okay to feel this. there really is no definition to masculinity and you are a man regardless of what people say!

added some bonus characters for myyyy self indulgence if you don't mind

cw: male reader, ftm, just fluff, implied romantic relationships w/ all, proofread

ʟɪᴜ ᴋᴀɴɢ (ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴏɴᴜꜱᴇꜱ) + ɪɴꜱᴇᴄᴜʀᴇ ꜰᴛᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

-Liu Kang...

is almost disheartened at the sudden change of behavior. Just the other day you had been so vibrant, bringing color, a certain tone to the world. Something even he didn't think was possible. When he had met you, he was smitten. With your positivity, your optimism, and above all else, you.

To find you, quiet, sullen, hiding from him, it was heartbreaking. The absence of your voice and your light was something that very clearly rubbed off on him.

Finding out you've broken because you do not feel yourself, because you cannot look in the mirror without seeing the man you aren't, it fills him with sorrow. Because, he sees you as a man, regardless. He always will, and it will never change.

To be honest, he's quite unsure how to comfort you. He's by your side, reassuring you that you are masculine, that he and many, many others see you as a man. And he wants to make sure you see that. The best he can be is sympathetic, it hurts that he can't necessarily understand you on a deeper level.

However, that does not change how he sees you. Nothing defines masculinity, nor what makes a man in his eyes. Even as a god, he believes there really is no definition to anything, aside from what you make it.

He lets you know exactly that. There is nothing in the world that could change his mind, no insecurity- no matter how big- you find will ever change his view of you.

-Kuai Liang...

originally thinks you are playing a game with him. So suddenly, you disappear. He looks for his sunshine around every corner, every closet, any possible hiding place he can think of. You are the light of his life, your shining brilliance cannot be matched.

So when he finds you sulking in your room, hiding, back turned from him and the world, suddenly concern eclipses his light. The pit in his stomach forms, ever expanding with worry.

Hiding because you do not see yourself as... yourself. You can almost hear his heart shatter. You are afraid other people see this, too. That you are not a man in anyone's eyes.

At first, he believes someone had put this through your head. Someone had told you this, had made you feel this way. And the fire burned within him, something telling him to find whoever had said this to you. Yet, when he finds out it is simply you perceiving everyone else's looks towards you like this, his mind slows down.

Kuai insists you are wrong. His usually calm temper replaced by him adamantly denying that you are seen as anything else. You are a man, regardless. He has never seen you as anything else but one.

Knowing you put yourself down this this claws at him, he partially feels guilty. But he puts in the effort to make you feel exactly like who you are, to bring your radiant light back into his life again.

-Johnny Cage...

can't stand loosing your positivity, your light is an ever-burning warmth that keeps him rather grounded, despite his wit and charm.

He's plunged into sudden darkness when he wakes up to you with your back turned to him, pushed as far away as possible at the edge of the bed. In an instant, it feels like his whole world is ripped away from him.

But, he's determined to make sure it isn't, and he begins with the questioning almost immediately. This was the quickest you've ever seen him wake up. And to find the reason you've pushed yourself away from him is because you don't see yourself how he sees you, and that you are ashamed- no, no. He can't have that.

Johnny cuts you off immediately, showering you and pampering you with affirmations. He does not allow you any room to let your mind twist your identity. He makes it known that you are a man, he sees you as a man, everyone sees you as a man.

He's serious, too. All traces of the signature Cage tone are wiped out, his voice soft, yet heavy. He doesn't let you, not even for a second, get back into your dysphoric mind-space. He tries, real hard, anyways.

Johnny only lets up when he finally sees even a potential smile on your face. And once he's so sure he's affirmed your gender,- and you've affirmed yourself- he's back to his over-the-top persona, bathed in wit and perhaps even a little bit of pride.

© freyito, 2023 | masterlist | queue | kofi DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date

[blookmallow]

my feelings about fo4 romances thus far

ive done all of them except piper and danse i think. i have both planned but haven't achieved them yet. i know one major thing about danse's development but have no idea what happens after the discovery of the thing comes out and have even less idea why so many people are into him so I'm hoping I will Learn

currently i feel like im just being followed around by a domineering buzz lightyear. he's... nice enough if you do things he likes...? he's supportive. but I have yet to get any personality out of him other than "soldier" and I'm guessing that's probably the point, so maybe there's a side of him I haven't seen yet. i really want him to get the hell out of the power armor though it is so unnerving having him stomping after me in the middle of diamond city. like. boy calm down for one minute we are going shopping. if he stays in the fucking power armor for his "waking up beside you" animation i am going to actually lose it

anyway i dont have a problem with piper (except i hate that she calls you "blue" i really feel like most of my SS's would be offended by that. you're nicknaming me after the vault i was lied to and controlled in. where i was frozen against my will and forced to watch my spouse die in front of me and my son be taken away. it's not cute! ) i just hadn't gotten around to her bc i hadn't figured out a character to make sense with her yet/it didn't feel natural but i think im gonna double her with my preston file. i have like 6 ocs going here dont ask (ive got uhh. my main is curie + hancock, then i have one for maccready, another one with hancock, one with preston + eventually piper, one with cait + gage, one intended for danse)

ive romanced hancock twice and had to talk myself out of doing it again on a third file. this man is my weakness. i would do anything for him. his romance lines are so sweet he makes me cry. perfect. no notes. the way he's threatening and dangerous but only when someone deserves it, and so soft and loving to you? rough and a lil bit fucked up, a lil bit nasty, but so calm and comforting and supportive to you? kills me. destroys me. my comfort character is a fucked up chem addicted radioactive ghoul who wears a 500 year old coat every single day of his life and might've lost a toe somewhere

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

cait's honestly feels so weird to me. it's like her personality just totally changes. she goes from being rough and sarcastic to "anything for you my treasure :) my heart is yours my beloved :)" and it doesn't feel like character development so much as just like. character flattening. it was actively putting me off spending time with her anymore. its like its not her. do you get me. does anyone feel this. i havent seen anyone talking about cait that much honestly so i have no idea

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

curie was my first love and i still cannot believe they gave us a miss nanny robot wife. i wish she was more android after the change though. i know human-passing synths are totally indistinguishable but i want her to be weirder. i want curie with glowing eyes. i want to see circuits on her arms instead of veins. anyway she is so so sweet and such a unique character i love her but also i do not understand her bc i was looking at her likes/dislikes and she apparently likes the brotherhood and doesn't like the railroad which does Not Make Sense To Me At All. girl you're a synth

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

i never really got why people are so into porter gage until i went through his romance and he's still not really my type but like, i get it now. the "man don't make me talk about feelings and shyit. we're... we're great! you know THAT. :/ " is so cute. i wish there was a redemption arc/reformed raider option for him because i feel like he had potential for growth that he just wasn't allowed to realize. underdeveloped but he is a DLC character so i guess that's how it goes

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

maccready is also kinda dangerously close to "personality changed completely when romanced" but it feels at least less jarring than cait's. maccready reads to me as a person who is actually quite sentimental and sweet but has become jaded/has to act tough to fit in/to protect himself and he's taking his walls down for you. he's another one that still isn't really my type but i Get It Now. his little toy soldier thing still gets me every time. speaking my exact love language of "here is a little thing that is important to me and i want you to have it and think of me." i respect maccready enjoyers

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

i haven't spent a lot of time on the file i romanced preston on but i was fully not prepared for the fact that he calls you "babe" once you're dating. it's so cute. preston is so cute. i don't have a lot else to say other than he is So Cute and deserves more attention than he gets.

@ bethesda give me nick valentine

[beckiboos]

OC Interview

Thanks for the tag @gloryride

Name

Valina Dumouchel. No middle name. Mother didn't believe in them.

Nickname

Mother was not fond of nicknames and wouldn't allow anyone to shorten my name. (She is SO FUSSY) Aymeric referred to me only by my last name when we were teenagers which I hated at the time but like it now. On the net I go by V01D

Gender

Cis female

Star Sign

June 3rd. Gemini. Yes my life is plagued by twins apparently

Height

1m 75 / 5ft 9"

Orientation

Bisexual

Nationality/Ethnicity

My mother is American and my papa is French. I was born in Paris France and lived there until I was 16 when my parents divorced, I still attended boarding school in France but mother moved to NC and I spent holidays here until I moved here permanently when I landed my job in Arasaka counter-intelligence. I now have dual nationality.

Favorite fruit

Lychees. I can never get hold of them here and they are horribly expensive if you can find them and not always fresh but I developed a taste for them when Arasaka sent me to Japan on.... lets say "conferences"

Favorite Season

I miss the seasons of France rather than California... Autumn in Paris is a regular favourite but the one year it snowed in Paris when I was 8 years old will always be special to me

Favourite Scent

Normally I would say rose but Aymeric has this aftershave that's driving me crazy at the moment... Its woody with cinnamon and notes of violet and I'm not sure what else. I need to find out what it is and make sure he doesn't run out

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate

Coffee. Do not talk to me until I had my coffee. I NEED IT

Average hours of sleep

I mean... I don't have the most regular work hours... why do you think I need the coffee? But.. I don't know maybe.. 4-5 hours. It;s fiiinnneee...

Dog or cat person

Cat. I couldn't live without my baby Babette!

Dream Trip

I have been lucky to travel as much as I have done but it was always always working and stress... I think now I just want somewhere quiet to just be still and quiet. A strange monk had a BD of a beautiful jungle full of nature... I would like to actually go to a place like that one day

Favorite fictional character

I used to love to read when I was younger... I can't remember when I last sat and enjoyed a book. When I was a teenager I was obsessed with a series about a teenage witch and her cat but I can barely remember it

Number of blankets

I have a thin duvet but I have a spare for when Aymeric stays over... the boy is like an oven he needs a separate duvet away from me, I cannot sleep with him touching me its TOO WARM

Random Fact

More like a tiny little secret... but I kinda had small virus I used to hack Arasaka intel when the twins worked at Militech and Petrochem... what? I couldn't have Arasaka targeting my favourite twins! It was kind of a relief when they quit and I scrubbed it from the system... really I should have been fired sooner

--------

Tagging ummm I have no idea who hasn't done this already tbh... I'll tag @barbecutie because I havent seen one but honestly if you havent done one yet and want to this is your tag.

[ohhcalamxty]

hello. its been a while? 5 years actually. what a place this is! what a trip down memory lane of many emotions.

a quick tldr: im 25 now, im engaged and live with my amazing partner and 2 cats. i am ed free (for the most part - i still struggle to love my body sometimes), clean, and i am in therapy! a place i never would have thought id be.

i didnt think id come back here like. ever. but ive been having nightmares of sam recently. its odd isnt it, how the brain works? i havent seen sam in 7 years? since the 2nd june 2018 to be exact, and yet he haunts me. why?

this is an odd correlation but recently i got into taylor swift. her music has been wonderfully cathartic and whilst i never assumed id be one of those girls who screams breakup songs and curses them at my exes....here we are.

TTPD (and most of taylors sad songs) unhealed me, so to speak, or at least awoke something in me. i wouldn't ever proclaim i have had bad relationships. i am always grateful for the time myself and owen spent together, and i am extremely happy with josh (I'd say 2/4 of my relationships being good is pretty huge) but here I am screaming and crying over break up songs at the eras tour and tearing up in the shower because they resonate with a point in my life and put my feelings into words in a way I've never been able to do.

elliot was interesting but i try not to curse his name so much as we were 14 and maybe he didn't mean what he did because he didn't understand consent, or maybe i am naive and too nice - i guess we'll never know because he quite literally dropped off the face of the earth! (Also, minor shoutout for him delaying dumping me because my grandma died! i do appreciate that at least!)

sam however....oh where do I begin with sam!

"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?"

I think I spent a lot of my teen years reflecting on sam, because well, he fucked me up so much. i mean how emotionally spent must I be to have nightmares of someone who I spent less than 12 months with at the age of 16, and then collided with again for a single night at the age of 19. Clearly we're fucked here.

I cannot find the words to describe you, and I'm unsure what i did to deserve a love like this. You had a girlfriend that you loved and were with for years, and then I (your close friend at the time) got dumped, and you make your move. We hang out a lot, cool, fine, nothing new as we were friends anyway. My mind is hazy on how it started or when we went from friends to whatever we were but it haunts me so much lmao.

The constant talks of i was the one, and that yes I will leave her for you. I fear nobody ever talks about being the other woman because its so odd - it isnt a flex, it isnt cool or sexy. it fucking sucks and it fucked me up but i liked sam so much i believed it. I mean picture this: you're 16, just lost your grandma, heavily depressed, self harming, riddled with an ed and have been dumped but low and behold your best friend tells you he loves you and plays with your hair and holds you. we go on dates and have sleepovers with friends (he still had a gf btw) hes fucked up too but he worries and cares about you more than anyone else, but at the cost of if you try to pull away he hurts himself, and threatens suicide (and believe me he'd do it) - stuck between a rock and a hard place aye.

"And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts - Memories feel like weapons"

Less than a year of back and forth, misery and stringing along. I can't remember how or why it ended but I know it took a lot of attempts of pulling away (and him pulling me back) to get away. A lot of bits are hazy but I can assume it must have been around the time when I met owen? There are old screenshots on here of sam talking to me and they make me feel unwell (not an exaggeration) - his words (even after it all ended) and how he tried to act like he cared makes me feel like a pit inside (even now). I do however find it funny that my posts from 2015 and 2016 about him claiming hes ruined my life don't seem that dramatic now that im 25 and having nightmares about him.

"Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind - I regret you all the time"

I think I would have been ok if this was it. I don't think I would be grieving my past self, my girlhood, my naivety if this was all - i very much had support through my other relationships to help the sam trauma which i do appreciate. But it doesnt end here does it? Nah thats too easy.

"Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden"

2nd June 2018: Me and Josh had briefly split up. It was Karlies birthday and we went out in HTC (dire) and I guess because Hinckley is a tiny place and everyone goes to the same places we ran into a lot of people (some good some bad) - including Sam.

Ima be honest idk where he came from or who he was out with but there he was, buying me drinks, talking to me, I dont remember much but I can assume I was happy. I do however remember him leading me away, telling me we're heading to the next bar because that's where everyone else was going but we actually were heading in the complete opposite direction haha. god knows where we were going but on the walk we sat on a bench, i cried, i told him off, told him he ruined my life, he told me he'd missed me so much, he held me, i cried more, i hated him and then we just rinsed and repeated as he pootled me up castle street to wherever he was taking me. My friend rang me, I told them I was with sam, people came running (guess they all know hes bad news) and they (including josh, who was my ex at the time and ig technically hated me) beefed him until he left and that was that. I haven't seen him since - i still dont know where he was taking me or what his plan was. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I didnt answer the phone, sometimes I wish I hadn't and that maybe I deserved whatever would happen. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion, being dramatic, but the trauma of the emotions that 16 year old me feels is still there. It haunts me.

"Don't call me "kid", Don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me"

So here we are. I guess I'm bringing this up at therapy in a few weeks because these feelings won't disappear (and Honestly I'm not sure why they reappeared other than being repressed emotions). I wonder though, has this affected you as much as it as me? Do you feel bad about what you did? Are you suffering? Do you think about me? Do you feel bad that you had such control over me or did you enjoy it? Claiming you've lost sleep over me and that you want to protect and help me? Was any of it true I wonder.

"And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?"

I suppose I'll never know, but I can only hope that memories of me haunt you as much as they haunt me. I hope you get everything you deserve, and I hope I can heal. My skin is no longer the skin you touched, I no longer physically feel you, and I hope one day my memories of you will be hazy and faded, and I don't need to jump at ghosts anymore.

And my therapist wonders why I really dislike men huh.

[bluntz420x]

Is your birth year an odd or even number? Odd.

Which one of your friends is the most outgoing? hmm, probably the younger ones, lol.

Have you eaten any of your favourite foods today? i just woke up like an hour ago, so no, i havent eaten anything yet today.

When did you last find yourself in an awkward situation? if i paid attention to stuff like that, probably more often than i think.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? i think all i had was a bagel, before dinner.

In school, which subject(s) do/did you find the most difficult? applied maths, like statistics.

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What’s his/her star sign? wow LOL, i have no idea. i joined facebook like 15 years ago.

Who did you last say “thank you” to? Why? probably kyle. he ran in the house two times to get stuff i forgot.

Name a band you like, that starts with the same letter as your surname. nothing is jumping out to me.

When was the last time you ignored, or went against, someone’s advice? ha, i think this is another one of those things where, if i paid attention, id know the answer.

What happened? lol see above, who knows.

How many different towns/cities have you lived in? ive never lived outside of the greater metropolitan area of the immediate city near me.

Who is the 10th contact in your phone? What’s his/her favourite food? LOL thats someone in my neighborhood. i dont know them personally at all.

When was the last time you felt your heart racing? last night.

Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? OF COURSE DUH lol.

How old were your parents when they met? when they met, i believe my mom was around 25 and my dad was around 30. could have been maybe 2 years before that, tops. they didnt date long before getting pregnant with my older brother.

When was the last time you had Nutella? a few months ago. i binged it and got tired of it.

Who is your favourite character in “The Simpsons”? lisa, hands down.

How about “The Big Bang Theory”? i dont like that show. its never been that funny to me.

What are your parents’ middle names? this is a security question if ive ever seen it, lol.

Who is the 2nd contact in your phone? What colour are his/her eyes? i just saw him the other night and i have no idea, LOL. dude is high af whenever we hang out so XD

Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. my husband.

What genre(s) of music did you listen to 10 years ago? same stuff really. ive had eclectic taste my entire life.

Are your eyes the same colour as your sibling’s? yes, just different shades. my brother has the lightest eyes, my sister is the darkest, and that leaves me in the middle lol.

How many pets do you have? Would you like any more? i have 3 cats and 1 dog. i definitely want more, when we move into a larger space with a yard. i think max cats in a house will be 4 probably, max dogs will be 2.

Do you prefer still or sparkling drinks? still. i cannot stand carbonation.

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? not really. i love reggae lately.

What colour are the eyes of the person you have feelings for? my husbands eyes are blue.

Is there a song that you’re fed up of hearing? no lol.

Did you have a strange or interesting dream last night? i cant remember my dream from last night. i think it was all right. i didnt wake up uneasy lol.

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? hm, if yes, it happened so long ago i cant remember lol, sorry.

Name 3 things that are in your refrigerator atm. milk, creamer, butter.

If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? no. if i post, i post because i want to, not because im looking for attention.

Which friend do you confide in most? kyle mostly, then lizzy second.

What does your 6th text message say? pfft who knows, modern texting isnt like that.

What was your most recent reason for smiling? :) probably kyle lol. its usually kyle.

Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? not really. i have worked very hard to get decent at that.

Have you ever watched a Sons of Anarchy? nope.

Do you want to see The Woman In Black? i would, i guess. i like daniel radcliffe. it just looked too scary at the time.

Has a random guy ever asked you for your phone number? i dont think so.

Has a guy ever pulled over to ask for your number or call you hot? LOL no, the opposite actually, ive been heckled.

How attracted are you to the last person that kissed you? quite!

Name something that you are doing tonight. putting off actual work lol.

Are you a jealous person? uh, i mean i have the capacity to be jealous, but i dont think id be described as a jealous person.

Do you like February? not really. its the shortest month of the year, but because its at the end of winter, it feels like the longest month of the year.

Where have you lived throughout your life? just around the current area.

Have you ever known a white supremacist? probably. im pretty outspoken tho so i doubt a supremacist of any variety would tell me that they are.

What were you doing an hour ago? ugh, sitting in this same spot at my desk, feeling less lost i suppose lol.

In regards to who do you think ‘what if?’? Link XD "what if he was real" no other what ifs anymore.

Do you like the smell of a barbecue? fuck yes.

Do you get excited when you find Sanrio products at Wal-Mart? no.

Are you 420 friendly? absolutely!

Do you own a Champion’s sport bra? champions? like champion brand? no.

Do you watch Justified? nope.

How many cups of tea of coffee do you have in a day? 1-2. i drink half caff usually though.

Do you own a varsity jacket? no.

Dolce Vita or Jeffrey Campbell? who?

Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum? oof… ryan gosling. hes more my type.

Has anyone ever called you apathetic or unemotional? LOL yes, both. a therapist before, actually.

Would you rather someone you loved passionately hate you or be indifferent to you? hate me! then i have a goal to make the feeling mutual.

Have you read Wuthering Heights or Jane Eyre? no, but i want to.

I bet you miss somebody right now? duh!

What are you planning on doing after this? work. snooze.

How much money do you spend in a month on clothes or accessories? barely anything. i dont like shopping like that anymore.

What was the last clothing item you wore that doesn’t belong to you? i wear kyles shirts and pants sometimes, but his stuff is my stuff LOL, so… good question.

Do you watch Jersey Shore? no.

Do you have a thing with someone? yes, my husband.

Do you have any bruises on either of your legs? i found a mystery bruise on sunday, but that happens lol.

Who was the last person to touch your stomach? kyle.

Something tragic just happened. Does your facial expression show it? most likely. im not good at hiding stuff, at least to people who know my face well enough. to those that dont, i tend to show RBF apparently.

Who is the cleverest (crafty) person you know? i really dont know. i dont like crafts, or craft people lol, so i cant think of anyone in my life like that rn.

Do you think people who know a lot of facts are really smart? no. i think most folks know enough facts to be impressive.

Welcome! And you are? your mom.

When you buy/recieve new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? wash!

Do you hate using public restrooms? idk about hate. its necessary sometimes.

What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? pft i saw a meme of a walking stick that was a bull's penis, iirc.

Do you check to make sure there’s TP before using the restroom? ha! i wish.

Do you drunk dial/text? i used to, as if it was a pastime.

Why are mall Santas always portrayed as drunken, depressed old men? search me.

Have you ever built a massive snow fort? i dont think so?

What household chore do you loathe? i dislike dishes, theyre usually gross because the boy doesnt rinse his dishes properly before putting them in the sink.

Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? nope! only if the parents allow unrestricted access to their children, then yes. its like kicking your kid outside in the general public to fend for themselves. what do you think theyre gonna do? children are mischievous by nature, dude.

Would you care to meet Tom, the creator of MySpace? not really. i dont care lol.

Have you ever looked at a person and thought they looked like an animal? omg yes! i love telling my loved ones what kind of animals other people look like sometimes lol.

Do you use acronyms to remember things? yes.

Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? no. i dont like increasing tolerance to pain meds needlessly.

What would you do for a Klondike bar? i wouldnt.

Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? yes, i do think they are ugly. and disgusting. if i see someone wearning crocks period, i know their feet are rank as fuck. i dont care if youre wearing socks, those are fucking PLASTIC shoes.

When was the last time you went rollerskating? a couple years ago.

What trend do you hate right now? i never like trends.

Do you really follow trends, or just wear what you like? i wear what i want to wear.

How many times do you think you go out to eat each month? too many times! too much fast food!

Do you call people “dude” a lot? yeah lol, i call everyone dude.

Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? mikie was my favorite growing up because hes so food focused and funny. anymore, donatello, because purple is dope and hes the smarest guy.

Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? all of the above!

If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? psychology.

What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? thats a good question. kids say the darnest things.

At what age do you plan on moving out? i moved out over 10 years ago lol.

Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? yes. the crypt keeper from tales from the crypt namely. the ventriloquist doll from peewee's playhouse.

What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? the news is always sad lol.

Do you believe that acupuncture works? i think that if someone believes it works and they get it done and they feel better after, it worked. like most things, i think faith is required.

Have you ever been hypnotised? nope, but id like to try.

If you got expelled from school, would you continue your education? LOL sure.

How long does it take before you trust a person? good question. im hard of trusting these days.

Do you ever wish you had Jedi powers? duh lol. i wish i had anything superhuman.

Will we ever get to see Jack’s face (guy from Jack-in-Box commercials)? i dont care.

Would you kick it with Jay and Silent Bob? YES DUH.

Say…would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? sure.

Would a wax museum scare you or amuse you? SCARE. even pictures of wax figures creep me out.

What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? its been a long time lol, i doubt i know anymore.

Have you ever made a time capsule? What did you put in it? i never have.

What would you do if your mom or dad read your diary/journal/blog? this has happened before lol. they took me to the hospital and i got held for 2 nights, mandatory for any check in, even tho the doctor told me that night that i was fine. idiot parents lol. dont read your kid's shit and NOT talk to them later. what the fuck.

Do you turn the music up when a good song comes on? DUH.

Do you know anyone with a lisp? probably.

Do you hate going to the doctor? no.

Why did the dish run away with the spoon? Why not the fork or knife? i dont care.

What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? good question. in recent memory, when i was under so much stress and trauma that my body locked up and i had to go to physical therapy at the ripe age of 32 because my back made me cry almost daily.

Do you wish time went faster or slower? slower dude.

Do you write thank-you notes? for what? lol. i dont throw parties, i dont hold milestone events, none of that.

If you were to break a Guinness Record, which one would you try and beat? im just not interested. never have been.

Are you distracted by shiny objects? i mean, probably, i am an animal. but not for long.

What’s the coolest item in your room? HA! cool. probably my bed.

Are you grateful for what you have? i practice gratitude every day. im lucky it comes naturally.

Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? who cares.

Are you scared of clowns? uh, they make me uncomfortable, but idk if im scared…

Are you accident-prone? isnt everyone? nah, not more than anyoneelse.

As a kid, what was your favorite activity on the playground? shoot, just kicking it with the homies.

Are huge muscles gross or sexy? not my thing.

Have you ever fished and caught something weird? never fished in my life.

Your final thoughts…? ugh, why didnt more time pass?

[kkusuka]

What about a insecure reader about her and Ushijima's relationship since he doesn't seem all to interested in having her around unless it's for volleyball purposes. So when she starts to drift away from him he's super confused, suddenly Tendou becomes more comfortable to sleep on at movie nights, and Reon seems to know everything you used to tell Ushijima. And he struggles internally because he doesn't know what to do. And the last straw was when you walked in holding Goshiki's hand and he walked over pushing the 1st year away with a worried/pained/anxious face shaking his head saying no because he doesn't to no what else to say but he knows it's not right.

Muddle<3

relationship: ushijima wakatoshi x reader, slight oikawa tootu x reader 

words: 1.5k 

synopsis: Ushijima can’t bare to lose you. 

cw: insecurity

a/n: i havent written something like this in a while and i really missed it! 

Ushijima Wakatoshi was not emotionless.

Simple, but not emotionless.

It was something that had to be constantly reminded before people began to truly believe he didn’t feel anything. He’s had his many licks with emotion, as anyone else would. The joy of finding the one thing he truly loved doing; volleyball. The confusion when his mother began reprimanding him for using his left hand. The overwhelming helplessness when his father walked out the door.

Butterflies when you smiled at him in the hallway, the heat in his cheeks when he saw you in the stands at one of his games. The shake in his hands when he met you at the gates and told you his feelings, very detailed in facts.

Ushijima Wakatoshi was clearly not emotionless.

So why was it he seemed so indifferent to you?

You knew he had to feel something for you, people don't empty their entire heart just because they felt like it, at least you hoped. Of course, as much as he denied, you knew that you would be on par if not second to volleyball. In a sick way; you were fine with it as long as he came back to you and let you share some of his burdens, you were happy.

But as of recently, it seemed that he couldn’t even do that.

Gone were the nights he would fall into your arms outside the gym doors because he’s been practicing for five hours straight. The walks in the park when neither of you could sleep, ones that ended in his arms on the couch watching some random food network show.

So now, as you leone the couch, void of the warmth you so desperately crave; you can't help but wonder if it was only you who felt the distance between you.

Your door unlocked- just as you thought it would. Your boyfriend slipping through the door, eyes immediately finding your body draped over the end of the sofa. He could still see the dinner you had made, glazing over the dirty dishes, proof he was hours behind when he said he’d be here.

“Tosh? Is there any way we can spend more time together? It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve done something.”

“No. Nationals is arriving soon, I cannot do anything about my schedule. We are spending time together right now.”

If Ushijima was not emotionless; how was it so easy for him to dismiss you?

Did you and Tendou always have a Wednesday movie night?

Ushijima raked his mind for the last time he’d seen this; the last time he was in his dorm on a weeknight. He knew you and the redhead were good friends, close since the first year of high school. He remembered something about a sleepover before you had begun dating and the occasional dinner at some fast-food restaurant.

He understood both your and his love for anime, and the movies alongside. But if he hadn’t known any better, he would assume that it was to two of you dating, not yourself and him.

Clearing his throat, you both glanced from your spot, huddled on the couch, inviting him to sit beside you. It was nice, though he knew nothing about what was happening on screen, something about demons and a little girl along with a boy with boar head overtop his.

The second the credits rolled, you and Tendou engaged in a conversation that he couldn’t even begin to understand. Somehow ending in another plan to go out the next night for a store opening that will have a manga that you both like.

Finally, as Tendou left, you noticed how silent your boyfriend had been since getting there.

“Would you like to come with us, Toshi?” Would he? The ice in his eyes held the answer far before he spoke.

“No. I will be practicing.”

The statement seemed like nothing. A simple retort you’ve heard so many times you could predict what he was going to say before he did. The phrase forced the memories of laying alone on the couch and sitting at restaurants staring at the clock for what felt like-- and really was-- hours a night.

You could count o one hand how many dates that he’s been early too, or even stayed the whole time. That’s even when he accepted your invitation.

Your friend had warned you that you would feel like this, abandoned and thrown to the side. ‘Why do you stay?  Clearly, he isn’t treating you right, o find someone who will!’

“Just for a little? We haven’t been out for a while.” you plea, noticing how he was ready to walk away.it felt like ages since you’ve had an actual conversation.

“Y/n, don’t start right now. I am tired, and I have already told you that I am busy. Quite pestering.” pestering? Is that what you meant to him, were you a bother?

Tendou had always reminded you that Wakatoshi wasn’t good at feelings. He didn’t know how to put what he felt into words. You accepted that, you understood that emotions can be harder on some people.

But now, it wasn’t just feeling an word, it was actions. It was the missed dates he never apologized for, the charging past you after practice that he stayed overtime for. It was him turning his back on you before you could respond.

As you turn your eyes catch one of the photos you have taped to your wall, a selfie you and him took during a trip to Harajuku in May. You bought matching bracelets both with small flower charms on each, ‘a symbol of eternal love’, yeah right.

‘If you’re the only one putting in effort, it’s not a relationship, it’s desperation’

Ushijima Wakaothish may not have emotions, but he surely had one.

Jealousy.

Green and far too ugly to acknowledge.

He may not understand the butterflies when you smile or the warms when your hand locks with his, but he knows exactly what the burning in his veins is. The furrow in his brown and deeper frown than normal, he’s jealous, extremely at that.

A fact that anyone who looked at the man could see, his aura radiated exactly what he was feeling, a true sight to behold.

His mind was muddled, what right did Oikawa have to even share the same breath as you, never mind put a hand on you. His mind ran through all of the things he could possibly do right there, he could punch the brown-eye playboy, but then he would be in trouble.

He could make a big scene and yell at him, or he could do nothing, just watch as the Seijoh playing steals your attention. Suddenly he’s thrown into memory, Reon and you chatting at the lunch table. Like you’d been friends for years, the smile that was supposed to only be meant for him plastered on your face.

Then it was Goshiki and his blistered hands that you so dutifully wrapped for him, holding his hand so tenderly that Wakatoshi wondered if it felt like when you held hands with him.

Then to Tendou, your pro-claimed cuddle buddy.

Would it even be worth it to stop Oikawa? Has he already lost you to someone else?

He couldn’t let that happen, not when he still had a chance to keep you.

You were violently ripped from whatever stupid pick-up line Oikawa was spouting by two hands on your hips. Your entire body was pulled into a hard chest as the same two arms cradle you to his.

“Waka-”

“Don’t talk to what’s mine, Oikawa”

You’ve never heard him sound so angry, he practically snarled at the setter, turning the both of you and walking down the hallway to the ext before the brown-haired man ould even retort.

“Toshi are you-”

“Please don't leave me.” Another emotion you’ve never seen from the man, fear.

He was acred, losing you was the end of the world for him. What was he supposed to do if you aren’t there for him? Who will he look at in the crowd to keep him going during the fifth set? There is simply no one that can give him the rush you can.

“I know I’ve been bad, and I’m so so sorry. I can make up for the dates and we can go to the manga store and to dinner whenever you want. We can watch movies after practice and cuddle whenever! Just please don’t leave me for Oikawa!” he pleaded, taking your hands to his, holding you so tightly and yet like you were glass.

“Wakatoshi, I’m not leaving you. Please calm down, I’m not going anywhere.” You move your hands to cup his face, finally taking notice of the tears looming in his eyes.

And you smiled. The smile just for him, taking his head onto your shoulder, slightly rocking back and forth. His hands rubbing along the length of your back.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I won’t let you.”

tags: @bakugos-cumsock @rinsangel

[obitv]

hi your riptide / killjoys thing sounds SO FUCKING SICK please tell me about it

prefacing this by saying i havent finished riptide im on ep50 ok evverything else i know is gathered from fics and from my dash so if it doesnt properly line up with backstories FUCK YOU DONT TELL ME YET. also im using a ton of kj fanon slang bc its what im used to, if you dont know what a phrase means just ask. ok anyway

the factions honestly line up pretty well?? the navy is BLind, the pirates are killjoys. high ranking navy officers like jays family are crows and exterminators. the boats are cars, the undersea is like.. maybe the lobby. tritons are droids for the sake of this ok (not often seen out in the zones, have a wildly different culture, etc) because i diid NOT want to have to worldbuild an entire faction of like. goddamn radiation mutants since the reason nobody can leave the zones is bc its surrounded by a fucking killzone. alright. so we're doing droids

whether or not chip is sandpup or cityborn is kinda irrelevant - he ends up out in the ones real fuckin early regardless and gets picked up by the black rose crew etc etc. but they get caught in a REAL bad clap with crows and he just has to fucking leg it and pray. that OR theyre cauht in the bombing of zone7 idk i havent listened to the oneshot and i dont believe in factchecking. whichever works. he ends up stuck in the zones, alone, at a way too fucking young age and nobody ELSE wats some ittle kid dragging them down so he ends up in the lobby and makes it work there instead. he has something to do with juvie halls? i dont know enough canon backstory to say much more but yeah. he falls in with tthem until he meets JAY!!

ferin family = scarecrows thats fairly obvious. higherups in BLind get benefits so shes never been on their meds (this helps out in the desert with being a better shot, bc she has no withdrawal shakes. same with drey) and just like. generally is allowed more freedom. but obviously with this freedom she realises BLind fucking SUCKS and somthing something her sister was a crow and died etc etc. also i think ava wouldve been fairly known in the city for being on BLind broadcasts. jay too maybe because i think chip teasing her for it is funny, and because obviously crows use fake names so the "ferin" name would be less known than her appearance. she visits the lobby fairly regularly but doesnt have the guts to leave until she meets chip

GILLION THOUGH. since im using droids we're Going to pretend here that in my version of kjs there are sentient droids that ARENT SEXBOTS. OK. WE'RE PRETENDING THOSE ARE A THING. he was probably a sentry or guard or something. robots are autistic so this tracks. but he gets kicked out of his post for some fucking reason and ends up just kind of. aimless in the lobby. he becomes VERY invested in the preachings of destroya. at some point, after jay and chip have left, he somehow manages to get out by himself and collapses in the sand in zone one which is how chip and jay find him. also ive yet to decid how to handle the plus addiction thing since thats. not really a topic that comes up in riptide. ill think on it maybe

um other than that.. as for names im . well gillion tidestrider sunds like a kj name its insane and punny enough. i have a lot of naming convention hcs that i cant explain concisely but ill just say chip only having a first name makes sense despite kj names being 2-3 words typically. jay im totally stumped on though bc girl she HAS to change her name and it should really follow the two word format and again. she cannot keep her last name bc anyone from the city would recognise the ferin name. so theres that. yeah thats all i got hiiii i will make this better when i catch up i promise

[volfoss]

how about ranking bucciarati's team?

regret to inform you that ur gonna get a very long answer bc i have passionate feelings about them all! also trish is in this bc she is part of the team and no one will tell me otherwise and will also include some rambling bc it is me and i have so many feelings towards these characters and none of them r cohesive

under the cut just in case (post writing yes it was long)

Giorno Giovanna:

way way more complex than ppl normally give him credit for (i will not go into feelings on how a majority of the fandom treats him unless ppl want me to then i will in fact make a very long ranty post and will not be stopped)

mildly op (esp at the beginning with how hes kind of able to just use his stand really well w no problems altho i think thats true of most of the jojos that we have seen animated?)

i am emotionally attached to him and want to give him a big hug

hes just a kinda goofy kid and is maybe a bit not good with figuring out hey this is a semi dangerous situation maybe i shouldnt be taunting him (leaky eye luca for example)

has the actual best theme

i love how he works off the rest of the team so well (even w members who do not like him)

is in my top 3 jojos i love this kid sm i would adopt him if he was real

7/10

Bruno Bucciarati:

the fucking way his character develops from licky man to best dad material is my favorite thing

his outfit is so so so good i would die to wear it

in general this man is one of my fave jojos characters and i get a lot of comfort from him

hes just really neat and has a good taste in music

he did his fucking best and i will always love him for that

imo the way that his death was drawn out was genuinely one of the most heartbreaking deaths in the entire series and fucks me up each time i think of it

i feel like he really is the one to hold the team together in a way that everyone feels cared for and saved

def has a savior complex tho for sure

dilf but im ace

also manga superiority bc he either makes the stupidest faces or looks very nice (anime has a lot of weird animation in regards to his face) and also because its lingerie there instead of a tattoo that changes thickness and placement every second

10/10

Leone Abbacchio:

guilty pleasure liking man

i am obsessed with his vibes and wish to become him

i cannot physically express just how much i love him but hes one of my faves of all time (not obvious by my theme at all wdym)

i miss his manga palette but also the colored manga isnt my beloved but also black lipstick abba

hot take maybe but anime abba looks better than manga minus the lipstick debacle

hes so so tall and i will steal his height in a nice way

his past man his past it fucks me up

his death fucks me up normally but when i was rewatching recently, i saw he gave this tiny lil smile after helping the kids get their ball and i could not take it anymore

him and brunos relationship (canonically and out of canon too) is one of my favorites in the series

also fandom hot take as i guess i am doing those for everyone- but ppl either have him as cosntantly trying to murder giorno or being like good son and v out of character, and it is really weird? not sayign that ill do better when i write them but also like im convinced some ppl havent seen the show or smth

i will steal both him and bruno and marry them both <3

this man is beloved i love him to death

10/10

Pannacotta Fugo:

i cannot spell his first name to save my life

also fandom take- ppl make him constantly only angry boy all the time and it really irks me. ik araki did not give him 2 much to work w in terms of canon personality but its frustrating

the light novel purple haze feedback is so so so good and adds sm to his character and i really like it for that!

fugo is one of those that imo deserves a lot and didnt get that

genuinely the vibes between how he treats narancia is v interesting to me, like its clear he cares about nara but nara not doing great w math really frustrates him

i love their interactions and how he is genuinely a kind person at times

the manga colors r superior here, my strawberry boy <3

i just really love and appreciate him a lot and wish that ppl gave him more love

i keep getting assigned him on kin quizzes

very smart good boy

ALSO ok fugo did not do any wrong by leaving

unsure if thats a hot take but i genuinely dont blame the character one bit for leaving and again purple haze feedback really delves into that and why he did it

if ur a fugo fan go read it

his past is really upsetting esp in the anime i will cry over it

his stand is adorable and i wanna hug it

his vibes r fun and i wanna gift him strawberry dangly earrings

8/10

Narancia Ghirga:

this boy i am also adopting (i am adopting most of them sorry)

i really hate how ppl act as if hes stupid bc bad math skills do not equal stupid like did ppl not see the fight w formaggio??

the way he just fucking dove into the water after the boat and how brunos face went all soft and happy it will never not make me cry

he is constnatnly making me wanna cry if i think too much about him for 2 seconds i love him sm

how can anyone not adore him when he set an entire street on fire yk

hes just happy despite his past and it makes me sad i love nara sm

torture dance is one of my favorite memes from the show

ALSO ok the way he died so suddenly absolutely broke me bc the remaining team members r really just seeing everyone die in front of them so quickly

his goofy and laid back moments r my fave

i love just how loyal and caring he is to his friends

his stand is really cool and again the fight w formaggio was so fun to watch

8/10

Guido Mista:

probably my least favorite member of the team for a semi good reason:

the jokes towards trish are really really uncomfy and how fugo doesnt wanna be involved but he is pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable did not make me like him a lot

hes goofy but not goofy enough for me to be ok with the repeated jokes about that esp in the body swap episode (ik it was supposed to be funny but it just felt off)

his vibes r good but i wish we got to see his hair

the fandom interpretation is normally pretty good of him overall?

despite not loving him a lot, i really enjoying writing for him (one day might open up headcanon requests or smth but unsure)

hes someone id wanna watch movies w but his taste in movies and mine r very different

love how he and his stand get along

honestly has very very good comedic potential

i really like how he and giorno interact as the series goes on (in a platonic way i need to clarify that i love their friendship)

again him in purple haze feedback was really interesting

probably a 5/10?

Trish Una:

beloved and deserved better

her first outfit in the manga > outfit in the anime

actually in general i believe in manga trish superiority like her hair in the manga looks so cool

her stand her stand her stand i love sm

if u dont include trish in the group i am murdering u <3

HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

fandom gripe is how people either pretend she does not exist or has the trish first introduction thing where shes using her defense mechanisms and acting a bit spoiled

OK but her in purple haze feedback!!! mild spoilers but how bruno was taking care of her post the ending of vento aureo makes me so happy each time i think of it

very mad that she canonically didnt really get an ending and yet again PHF my beloved actually gave her that

how spice girl starts out as a stand thats helping her thru a very stressful situation is so cool and i love it

DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO *frothes at the mouth*

but more seriously how she leans on bruno and begins 2 trust him and nearly point blank is referring to him as a father figure always fucks me up

esp because of the resulting fight afterwards

and the very ending of the arc that ends w bruno being like bye gonna go in the clouds and look ethereal now, oh man it makes me so sad

bc giorno is the only one that knew what happened and people that were closer to bruno due to knowing him longer didnt

i wanna see how trish coped w that personally

despite being introduced not at the beginning i think her arc and character in general were as well paced as it could be!

9/10

finally done! sorry that took so long but oh man i have so many feelings towards these guys its not even funny

[majimemegoro]

just finished watching a playthrough of saejima's hunting storyline and i get why you like okudera so much now. he's a pretty minor character in the eyes of the game's main storyline but damn, he's genuinely really compelling, alongside the entire hunting storyline...i really fuckin like this dude now. anyways, i wanted to ask, do you know of a timeline or anything of his backstory? cause its. a little confusing for me to understand

WE CAUGHT ONE LADS

jokes aside I'm so glad you watched, so glad you liked it, and so glad you took the time to let me know. for anyone else who wants the chance to discover the joy of MR OKUDERA, whether or not you have a ps4 or steam, you can do that here.

as for the backstory timeline... buckle up, because it's convoluted as heck. We learn about the events of 9 years ago partially through the false story of the villagers and partially from okudera (whose tell-all story at the end is also, I think, a bit cagey and perhaps deliberately vague). these in-text obstacles to determining The Truth are exacerbated by the fact that the remastered version has at least one egregious translation error, and hence the possibility of other errors.

But I've spent a LOT of time trying to figure out the timeline. like a stupid amount of time. and while i still plan to do a serious methodical review of the story and determine the possibilities once and for all, I'll take this as an opportunity to lay out what I currently figure is probably the case.

disclaimers: y5 spoilers for the okudera/hunting storyline follow. i also havent systematically reviewed the evidence before posting, so it's possible that there will be errors. if anyone notices them, PLEASE point them out! meanwhile I will do my best to specify what is fact and what is interpretation: events I am 99-100% sure of, and are stated more or less explicitly in the text, will go in normal text, while I'll put my own filling-in-the-blanks and original notes in [square brackets]. I have some pretty detailed personal headcanons to do with these events, but I will NOT bring them up. Here I promise I will only bring up speculation that has a textual basis and is strictly necessary to fill in the gaps of the accounts given by mr okudera and the other vilalgers.

I will refer from now on to mr okduera as Sato, and to og okudera as okudera.

~10 years ago

the upcoming changes to hunting regulations are announced, and a hunting boom begins on the mountain [this could be more than 10 years ago]

sato breaks out of Abashiri, either crashes or abandons his snowmobile, and is saved by okudera

[Nishina recovers the snowmobile at some point]

okudera teaches sato how to hunt "as I (sato) was losing hope of living"

meanwhile the natural balance on the mountain is decaying due to overhunting, and bears are becoming vicious

~9 years ago, 6 months after sato's arrival in the village

yama-oroshi, the giant-size bear, is first spotted and starts causing trouble

~9 years ago

during a blizzard, okudera goes out after yama-oroshi. [the villagers give conflicting accounts of his intentions. i think sakurai says okudera wanted to help them, while nishina says he was after money. unclear whether sakurai is telling his honest opinion or a cover story]

sato goes around begging the villagers for food with "hat in hand" and is given some by mrs nishina [note that he apparently didn't have any, even though, if you accept this timeline, yama-oroshi hadn't yet attacked the village and destroyed its food stores. mrs nishina tells the story of okduera begging, and she doesnt specify when it happens, but i think it was probably here? not sure though.]

sato follows okudera into the mountain, intending to kill him

sato finds okudera; okudera reveals that he already knew sato was planning to kills him, and tells him that it's okay to carry out his mission

sato decides not to kill okudera

Okudera is attacked by Yama-oroshi. Sato passes out. [was he attacked???]

[okudera fights off yama-oroshi alone, defending the unconscious sato and succeeding in driving the bear away]

However okudera is grievously injured

Sato awakens on bloody snow. [presumably the site of the original attack, though its not for sure.] the dying okudera holds his hand and tells him to take his name and continue living in order to atone for both of their crimes.

[at some point here okudera presumably dies. it is possible that sato buries him at this time, but perhaps more likely that sato immediately follows yama-oroshi, who is headed towards the village, presumably having been driven in that direction during the fight against sato. saving the village from a demon bear would seem like a good way to begin atoning for a life of crime.]

Yama-oroshi attacks the village, ruining buildings and eating/destroying all of the food stored up for the winter, including the buried food

(still 9 years ago, but after this the order of events gets really fuzzy. the remaining events may shift slightly in order, depending on one's stance on the next bullet)

sato saves the village somehow [this bit is really vague. possibly this comment is referring to ways in which sato helped revitalize the matagi principles of conservation and mutual aid in the village. but I think it is more likely that he did something more concrete, namely, luring yama-oroshi away from the village. otherwise why did Yama-oroshi leave before killing anyone? someone did something, I think, and I think it was sato.]

[sato reports to the villagers that okudera ("sato") is missing - probably NOT that he is dead. the villagers then presumably report this to the police, since sato cannot be seen by the police, who would surely recognize and escapee from Abashiri.] [Note that sakurai tells saejima that sato (mr okduera) went into the mountain after og okudera BECAUSE og okudera was already missing, but I don't think this makes sense unless it's part of the fake cover story. it's also possible that sato told the villagers okudera was missing & he was following him for that reason, since he wouldnt have admitted he was planning to kill him...]

[some of] the villagers realize or suspect that sato/”okudera” is the escaped convict. [because they would know WHEN sato showed up, and when the escape occurred, and they would know that the bigger guy who disappeared had been with them for too long to be the escapee]

the villagers decide to protect sato (”okudera”) by secretly following him on the mountain, and by shunning him so that they have an excuse for not knowing him well and hence not reporting his identity to the police.

[it seems that Sato never admits to the villagers that he knew okudera died. OR the villagers pretend not to believe that okudera is dead?? which is weird since youd think after almost a decade, “went missing on the mountain during a blizzard” would entail “presumed dead”... but i digress]

the village spends the rest of the winter and perhaps longer on the “brink of starvation”

at some point the new hunting regulations go into effect.

and that's the events of 9-10 years ago, as near as I can figure them.

Thoughts? questions? me too !!! please speak up, and thanks for the ask, comrade.

here is a user badge for you:

[percedurza]

I HAVE ALREADY SPOKE ON LENGTH ABOUT THE PRINCE OF EGYPT BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING ONLY THE PLAGUES AND MOSTLY PASSOVER. I JUST WATCHED THE FULL MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A KID IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD. OKAY.

okay let me first say that i was in tears within the first ten minutes of the movie. deliver us was so powerful and heartbreaking i cried BEFORE THE TEN MINUTE MARK. yeah.

when moses' mother sang her final lullaby to her son and pushed him downstream in that (blessed and very fortunate) basket my heart hurt. i cried with her. that was the last time she would ever see her baby.

when his sister sang her prayer for her baby brother, wishing for him to come back to deliver them as well, that just drove the nail in harder.

in a later scene before the banquet you can hear moses humming that last lullaby and since deliver us was just maybe ten minutes prior you remember it and realize he really did keep that final song.

and the banquet oh yeah ramesses gets appointed this big title? and he names moses as the grand architect

and theres this captured hebrew lady brought in for ramesses but shes fierce (i would be too, she was captured and brought to the people she hates the most) and so ramesses orders her to be brought to moses' chambers instead

moses goes to his chambers and suprise! she escaped! moses chases after and sees her sneaking out with her camel and distracts some guards so she wont get caught and once the guards are gone he goes after her again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

miriam (moses' sister) meeting him in the city streets and recognizing him, telling him he's her family and him shutting her down and calling her a slave.... it hurt. when she hums that lullaby and he RECOGNIZES and then rushes back home to have a dream about that day he was sent away (in beautiful animation designed to look like the hieroglyphs on his wall) its all so painful to watch him be forced out of nowhere to realize his life is a LIE because hes not a true prince of egypt, he's born of the slaves, and then his father the pharaoh justifies the order to slaughter innocent babies by saying "they were just slaves" and OUGH

moses kills a man. unintentional but he killed a man while trying to stop him from beating a slave. oops.

he cant live with this so he runs away into the desert. theres this scene where he collapses to the ground and sheds all of the jewelry and adornments from his life as royalty but as he takes off the ring ramesses gives him, he looks at it. and slowly puts it back on. because no matter what, he still loves his brother, and he always will.

moses falls into a well. yeah. chases off some ruffians and then basically faints and falls in. these girls the ruffians were harassing started pulling him out and SURPRISE SURPRISE the captured lady from the banquet is there and she drops him back in when she recognizes him and walks away all smug and her name is tzipporah! just an fyi (very pretty name love it)

moses basically gets adopted into the group of hebrews and moses says something about not ever having done anything of worth and so tzipporah's father jethro sings a little tune to him!

through heavens eyes is a masterpiece. i really dont know what else to say also i want jethro to be my dad hes so nice

aaanyway moses and tzipporah get married during the through heavens eyes montage! i just think thats nice

OKAY now juicy stuff the BURNING BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the scene in which moses encounter the burning bush and god.

god claims that he has seen his people (the hebrew slaves) suffering and cannot stand for it any longer, so he wishes to send moses as a sort of ambassador of god

and moses doesnt think hes worthy of being god's messenger, which god quickly shuts up by pointing out how he's kind of, like, GOD

and he teaches moses those big old words, "LET MY PEOPLE GO" wahoo!!!!!!

he rushes home to tell tzipporah, and shes like "but ur just one dude" and hes like "well i kinda have to also the hebrews are suffering in slavery so :////"

tzipporah and moses head on over to meet ramesses and theyre all excited to see each other and then moses is like "behold the power of god!!!!!!" and his staff becomes a snake. pretty gnarly if i do say so myself

and then the high priests are like "ok" and start basically performing and rapping the names of the egyptian gods at moses in response i really dont know how to describe it but its basically a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. not actual miracles

moses talks to ramesses and asks him to let his people go, and instead doubles the slave's workload. the slaves basically hate moses now because yeah he technically is the reason theyre getting pushed harder and even his own brother aaron seems to loathe him. miriam talks to moses and he sees ramesses' ship gliding down the nile nearby

he calls out to ramesses and he just sends his guards after him. and so moses brings the staff down and turns the river to blood.

THEN THE REST OF THE PLAGUES ENSUE!!!

theres this specific part of the plagues scene in which ramesses stands between two statues of egyptian gods and glances at them as if to ask why the fuck arent they doing anything about the LITERAL hellfire and general havoc being brought down on the city. just thought that was a really cool detail.

AND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH passover. i really shouldnt get excited about talking about an event that killed a whole heck ton of kids but its like fnaf at this point who cares ANYWAY THE DEAD KIDS

i already talked about the passover scene but what i didnt include (i think) is how when god's spirit or whatever idk enters the palace, it passes over a statue of ramesses and you just think, oh fuck wait RAMESSES HAD A SON.

and sure enough, that son is dead. moses walks in as ramesses pulls a sheet over his sons dead body and ramesses finally, after all of the plagues, tells moses he can take the hebrews and leave.

as moses walks away you can see ramesses glare at moses because he may have said he was done but. hes not. of course.

moses and the hebrews are leaving with yet another beautiful musical sequence (when you believe) and you can see the hordes of former slaves walking to the sea.

AAND just like i said RAMESSES WASNT FINISHED! he brings a whole bunch of soldiers on horseback and chases the hebrews, and god literally rains fire on them again this time in the form of a flaming tornado that sweeps across the sand, making a big old wall of fire that the egyptian soldiers cant get through

which gives moses the time to do the famous parting of the sea. he brings that staff down in the water and DOES GODS WONDERS!!! yay!!!

watching them walk on the seabed was beautiful. with some lightning strikes you could see the silhouette of some kind of shark swimming in the water (looked it up there are sometimes whale sharks in the red sea this is accurate)

and the fire tornado recedes into the earth, the fire fades, the soldiers chase on at ramesses' orders. the water sweeps them away just as the hebrews make it to the other side and it later cuts back to ramesses, alone on the rocky shore, screaming out at moses. hes completely alone, soldiers presumably dead, and no family to speak of. his side of the sea is cloudy and gloomy, still stormy, but when it jumps back to the hebrews in celebration, the sun shines bright and happy. the hebrews are free.

the movie ends with moses walking down the mountain sinai, ten commandments in hand, while the last snippet of deliver us plays once again.

only one other movie has evoked this much of this kind of emotion in me.(the one movie is klaus LMAO klaus made me ugly cry) there was not a single second of watching this that i didnt have goosebumps.

the movie itself just looks pretty. all of the characters have unique and neat designs. (its also nice to see a movie with only poc in it like im just saying)

the musical scores and numbers are so expertly made. my favorite has to be deliver us but through heavens eyes is a very close second. through heavens eyes made me feel better about myself, in a way. the entire movie was like some healing experience.

all in all, this is an S tier movie, and i BEG BEG BEG anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. just pirate it or something (i did lol watched it on an illegal streaming site)

if you're not religious and havent seen it, think of it as a chance to learn more about abrahamic faiths. if you are religious and havent seen it, well hey! here you go!!

[enzo-zzz]

A vent on the fandom + cg

If you dont wanna hear any negativity, please just ignore this post. It includes dissatisfication on the yttd fandom and ongoing belief in it. I'm not going to use very kind words here, so just ignore this post. 3b spoilers included.

I like yttd so much, but the english fandom, i cannot interact because how toxic it is. Even the smallest different of which route you choose, will attract anyone to abuse, harrass, ridicule or humiliate you. And to be truth, there are many of them who are so judgemental, to the point that there is only one thing that are right and the other are wrong. Black and white mindset. The term "canon route" is what fans created itself. I guess there are many of them who are teens or kids, since most of kids who havent grown up yet tend to lean towards black and white mindset, even if they believe they are not. If you find people who keep arguing especially on social media, you can bet that its teens. Adult are too tired to involve in things like fighting with strangers. There is one time when the poll asked your age and the age range quite small to teens age. I guess thats why i think so.

OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S ONE THING I'M ANNOYED WITH. ABOUT THE CG AND HOW THE FANDOM DECIDES THAT THE MORE CGS, THE MORE CANON IT IS. To be perfectly honest, i'm the one who came up with the analysis that on certain route 2-2 ending the cg is more. But people really use it the wrong way and now thought that anything that has more cg is the canon route. The word canon route is wrong in itself, who tf come up with the term canon route in yttd? Is the reason for creating two route is for one to be canon only, or for sparing different characters, or for having different storyline? (I personally think that on different route, the story will change and the ones who got to live at last is probably different ). Now i see those who misuse that information everywhere. "In sou route 2-2 ending evil joe AI dont even have new cg but in kanna route he has. See how biased the devs are? he should have drawn more if he really meant the route to be the canon one. Kanna route will get happy ending, sou route is bad ending." I think thats stupid. B*tch, he keep reusing his old art here and there. You can check for yourself. Joe and midori has same hand based on the cg? He's just reusing the hand art. The arm in 3b and 1-1 is the same arm he reuse. Sou and kanna 2-2 ending basically use the same sou drawing, he just changed it a bit. Sara in 2-2 kanna ending use the same cg as when keiji try to calm her in front of computer, he just changed the face. Midori and sara on the 3b game screen cg basically use the same cg in the 3b content, but changed a bit. So i can think why need to create new cg when joe is still malicious as the hallucination in 2-2 sou ending? If i want to create something i will also reuse this to save my time.

So if you wanna really use this cg argument, then maybe you can consider why alice memory game got so many more cg than reko's? and how ranmaru gone insane has so many new sprite and pose with the hair like that. And why when dummy is dead they got cg's. Especially the ranmaru dying one, he got moving cg's and how it was put more effort into that. Then that means dummy dying is actually the canon route since when they alive they got no addtional cg? This is my assumption, but i think the devs just do as many cg as it takes depends on how impactful the scene he's working on, not because its canon, thats really a lazy take if he is actually unwilling to do extra route but still forcing himself to do it anyway. Imagine if dummy is dying but no cg, instead a message " ranmaru/mai/anzu died ". Do you think that will really give impact to you? This game clearly hinting that joe is going to be the spotlight of the game, even in 3b. So when sou set the real joe ai in kanna route for sara, the script is written for the real joe to genuinely react to sara. of course thats going to be heartwrenching since joe himself is the very important part of sara's life. When the script is made that way, lacking of cgs will hamper down the storytelling nankidai genuinely want to deliver. All i can say is it come from the heart of the author himself. If it is just only text for something as tearful as that moment and no cgs, it wont really touch the feeling isnt it? It is the same with alice memory game that tells about how alice "kill" midori. I'm not sure how many it is but atleast there is 3 cgs with one of them has variant. The story of how alice kill midori is also important and should have impact, thus the extra CG's. I can say its about being passionate and indulged in the storytelling.

I dont even know if joe will ever heal sara in sou route, but based on how the story still keep joe relevant til the end, then there must be something that need to happen between them in the end right? Nankidai even made sure that sara see the dog keychain in 3a if player probably choose to not ask gin about the dog keychain he's hiding in ch 2. Its also for relating ranmaru and joe. Having closure or conclusion with joe in the middle of game is still valid, and having a closure with joe at the end of the game is still valid. Imo, having closure with joe at the end of the game after all of those suffering involving him makes the better climax or impact for sara chara development since the game build up to highlight joe and mr. Policeman, it can be even better if all of it are to be pull together in the ending.

Even if the devs has route he prefer, he's not abandoning any route he less prefer, only if its true that he ever have a route he prefer. Plus you dont know which route he's prefer if any. He's taking his work seriously, it just some "fans" looking down on him, even to the point calling him biased, he's punishing the one who take another route, treating like he only use his career for egostatiscal reason (it somehow clearly mirrors that you are the one who egostatiscal to the point of wanting to find any excuse to punish other, you just using the devs name to validate your mindset). If he's dislike people who chose that route that much, then why create that route? If he know its tiring to make alternate route, then why still make the choice to let 3 dummy alive route at the end? It will make more work. I can only assume its out of passion, or just that he deep down wants the character to be alive atleast in a route ( idk if this is correct, i just read google translated version of his public fanbox that he's actually very reluctant at first when the time comes and "crying" so hard when he had to kill joe in chapter 1. So the part where he wants to spare some character is only my assumption ). By this punishing logic, shouldnt he not make alice die when you push reko ai to spare gin, and only do it to those who dont push the ai to save gin by killing real reko? I am more sure that the variants is to tell a different story or who to spare, and specifically for who sara actually was.

Happy endings? I'm not sure. I've expected that once from story with a lot of deaths, wishing for atleast the protagonists alive. Anime or story with a lot of death is definitely my jam, but from what i see, most of them has bittersweet ending, it depends on how the author wants it to be. Some author dont mind killing them all till the end, and some author just easily kill them all because they plan to revive them later. And everyone sense is different. Some japanese people sense in storytelling is a bit different imo. As the one being the audience, happy endings is the most common wish the audience wants. But its all up to the sense of the author. This is why i'm annoyed with some kids from overseas who rarely watch or play many things that involves a lot of death from japan suddenly says that this "one happy ending, this one bad ending! Everyone will survive in this route, everyone dead in this route"

Just play any route you like, nothing wrong with that. Whats wrong is to start this war of ridiculing others or have that irritating attitude towards those who play their own first route and start bad mouthing or desperately throwing bad assumption that one route will end very bad just for the sake of feeling better for your choice and to scare others.You do know that when you read a book, you'll only know if the overall story is good or bad until you know the ending right? The ending will conclude everything that happened. What happening in the fandom is now like, you only read 3/4 of the book and already expecting that this one will have good ending and bad ending. What if its not about the binary, but for the difference in direction? Its not that bad if the story of the book is kinda predictable, but with how plot twists become the main part of yttd's charm, its getting more difficult to predict how it will end. There's a lot of story which was masterpiece in every part as seen by fans, until the ending hits. Its what the author wants, but its not what the fans wants.

If you pick fights with others, even passively, the consequence is all on you. Good luck taking care of your mess.

Thats why i'm reluctant to publish any theory because the fandom will always use it as an excuse to pick fights with other and say " i'm more right bcs i got this proof" . U see in my caption i dont want any of those harasser to even digest my theory. If you are one of them get out of my blog.