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archive-z · 10 days ago

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curating reading lists (without social media)

a guide to finding stuff to read, for @divorceblogger. this is a guide specifically for avoiding things like goodreads/storygraph etc which aggregate books that are popular without being all that helpful for finding things on niche/specialist topics.

a bit of housekeeping before getting to the actual list-making tips:

i mostly read nonfiction targeted at both academic and popular audiences. i also read a mixture of classic lit, genre fiction, zines & conceptual/artists’ books, and playtexts & poetry. i read traditional print books, non-traditional print publications, PDF and ePub ebooks on an iPad/iPhone, and listen to audiobooks and audio dramas.

i have a infinite number of books i want to read. the discovery process of new & interesting outstrips my capacity to read them all, so i have to be extremely selective. this also means i never tolerate a book i’m not enjoying. it can have weak points, but i have to be getting something out of the experience, or else i am wasting my one wild n precious life, ya feel?

my goal is to read for quality, not for quantity. i tend to dislike a lot of online reading communities for their focus on metrics (number of books, page count, word count, etc). i bristle at tools that try to push my reading into this direction. i have a reading practice, in the same sense that one would have an artistic practice. thinking of my reading as a practice — rather than a project, a thing to be completed and checked off the checklist — helps orient me towards patterns of thinking that serve me better

i work in the arts industry, so fiction and non-fiction books are reference tools. when I finish reading a book, I put it back on the shelf, like returning a tool to the toolbox until it is time to use it again. i live in a bachelor flat, so obvs i have to resist the incessant pressures of consumerism, but it doesn’t bother me that i have not read every book that i own. they are there for when i get to them. similarly, i would not be bothered by owning a kitchen fire extinguisher that i have not used.

where do I keep my reading lists?

Obsidian: for organising to-read lists on specific topics, genres, eras, locations, etc. i repeat books across multiple lists where appropriate. i don’t keep a single master list of everything I want to read because it would simply be too unwieldy to manage. Small focused lists of no more than ~25 books on the topic are best, imo.

TinyCat: for cataloguing physical books that i own. i have a shortcut to the website on my phone so i can easily pull it up if i can’t remember what books in a series i already have. i can tag anything unread with my “antilibrary” tag. for my own amusement, i also insert library pockets and circulation cards into my books and stamp them with the date completed (using my beloved rotary date stamp). i can also stamp the date a friend who borrowed the book completed it. i like seeing the signatures add up over time.

Zotero: for academic bibliographic citations. useful habit to get into if you transcribe lots of quotes from yr readings into yr notes.

how do i develop my reading lists?

i usually develop my reading lists through a combination of concerted effort to research a topic & ambient browsing. this isn’t Abt How to rigorously conduct research though so im gonna focus more on ~letting books organically find me~

when i have a book that i enjoy, i see if the author has written any more books on topics that interest me. incredibly basic 101 advice but somehow people still miss this one.

check the bibliographies & acknowledgements. if something comes up in bibliography after bibliography, its usually a good sign its worth checking out. also, authors usually thank other authors in their acknowledgements, its a great way to start building an idea

i love when artists talk abt their influences in interviews, like this interview abt what influences and easter eggs there are in disco elysium (i screamed at the Einstürzende Neubauten reveal!!!). i love when fans come up with their own reading lists for media, like my list speculating what daniel molloy would have read and watched in 1973.

when i am travelling somewhere i try to read something related to the to place I am going. Wikipedia is a first easy point of reference to find out if yr destination is famous for being the birthplace of X poet or Y film is set there.

tertiary sources. secondary sources are about a primary source, whereas tertiary sources aim to provide an overview of the major debates in those secondary sources on a specific topic rather than to generate their own new ideas/arguments. the oxford university press “a very short introduction” series varies in quality but its often a very useful starting point.

recs from friends/gifts. my loved ones know i like books, and books are usually a cheap & easy gift for holidays & special occasions. i gift books that i want to read myself, so we can talk abt the book together.

what physical locations do I browse?

Local library, university library. You might be even be able to get a specialist library card to an archive or museum reading room. Some public libraries also have special collections like the Seattle Zine Library.

For-sale section in the local library. proceeds usually go to supporting the library

local secondhand bookshop. there are several in walking distance, i usually hit them up quarterly, especially as i gift a lot of secondhand books

local independent bookshops. several local independent bookstores host an annual bookstore crawl where if you get a stamp from all of them in one weekend u enter a draw to win $1000 gift card :)

thrift store/charity shop/antique markets. there is usually a section with books even if the main focus is clothes/furniture

book events. author talks, staged readings of new plays, poetry readings, book/lit mag launch parties, Writers Festivals, small/independent press fair, rare book fair, zine fests, international library day, conferences

bookshelves at house parties. im 100% the person checking out yr bookshelf at a house party. great place to get yr flirt on.

travel. basically any new place im going, i look-up in advance the local library, second hand bookstores, charity shops, antiques stores etc. and save them in my maps on my phone. if i can conveniently pop into one while im there, neat! i particularly like municipal libraries bc the big ones are usually architecturally interesting (like the Vancouver Public Library) and the small ones are usually really charming and full of specific local history, leaflets to interesting local stuff, etc.

what online locations do I browse?

navigating the online catalogue to yr local & academic libraries is a whole skill unto itself. i was very fortunate be born in the late 90s and to have a specific local librarian teach me boolean operators before i could tie my shoelaces, ride a bike, or, frankly, do most human being things (shoutout to Miss T yr a real one). your library very likely has something like a workshop or at the very least a help desk that can help u with this if needed.

mailing lists of small/independent presses.

publishers websites (academic and general audience).

wikipedia. u can look at the footnotes section on wikipedia. its free. its legal.

looking up university syllabi. some are on profs’ websites, some are available through the university library. there is also the Open Syllabus website which aggregates the most often mentioned books in submitted syllabi, organised by discipline or through a visual map.

what’s available on libby/borrowbox.

Archive dot org and google books/google scholar to read the previews and judge if the book is worth following up on.

i didn’t actually include any selections of my personal reading lists, but if you would like to know more you can always shoot me an ask with a specific topic in mind.

#mine #future literature tag #basically always down 2 talk books i am into

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frvnkcastles · 5 months ago

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I feel shithouse for asking since I'm not a girlie, bur I was! Trans guy here but honestly a trauma ex girlie!

Can I request something with a reader (doesn't matter the pronouns if you feel more comfy writing she/her that's chill!) Where the reader is asked to come to Christmas with their family, and frank is a plus one bur you're worried as your family are alcoholics (starting drinking at like 10 til late) and the reader is trying to cut down but their family is really pushy and feels like they're gonna fall back into bad patterns and Frank pulls them away for an hour just talking and smoking a cigarette as the readers the only dart smoker in the family as they've all transitioned to vaping?

(Maybe just mother, brother, sister in law and reader +frank, and possibly the radio keeps turning on and off and the family calling out readers grandparents in the afterlife as the cause v much jokingly?)

YOU’RE THE ONLY PLACE THAT FEELS LIKE HOME ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: When you have to deal with your alcoholic family, Frank is there to support you.

Warnings: Alcoholism, implied past abuse, mention of deceased grandparents, reader smokes, language, gender neutral reader

Word count: 1.7k

Author’s note: Anon, don’t feel bad at all!! This is a safe space for everyone no matter what and you’re 100% welcome here. I do wish more of my fics were gender neutral but often my ideas come from my own experiences as a mentally ill/traumatized woman and when I get requests, they usually mention she/her pronouns. That said, while I don’t really know how to write from the perspective of a man, I have no problem writing a gender neutral reader if it’s specified. Also, I am very sorry you had to wait such a long time for this, I hope you like it!! Sending you lots of love <3

When your family invited you to spend the holidays with them, you instinctively knew you were in for an uncomfortable time. Since you had moved out, you had tried to keep your distance and unlearn the bad habits that you had developed at home — like drinking. That was your first and foremost concern, having to witness their drunken behavior and how the situation would most likely escalate sooner or later, as it always did. You had done a great job of cutting down but you feared that being back in their company would force you to undo all your progress.

The one good thing about the whole thing was that they didn’t protest you bringing Frank along. He made most shitty situations better just by being present, and you instantly felt heard and comforted when he agreed to come with you. Frankly, he was opposed to the mere thought of letting you go alone, knowing all about your complicated family history and therefore determined to support you through every encounter.

”Y’know you’re allowed to decline, yeah? Don��t wanna see you puttin’ yourself through shit just ’cause they’re askin’”, he reminded as you were getting ready to leave for your mother’s house. Pulling on his jacket, he eyed you, looking for any hint of hesitation on your face, but you were doing a good job at putting up a brave front. You wanted to keep the peace, and admittedly, a little bit of you missed your family and ached to spend time with them, even if you knew it probably wouldn’t end well.

”Thanks, Frankie. It’s okay, I want to go. Just… need you by my side”, you sighed, and nodding, Frank stepped over to you to press a kiss on your temple, brief but full of emotion.

”You got me, darlin’. I ain’t goin’ anywhere”, he assured before taking your hand and steering you out the door.

He encouraged you to take deep breaths during the drive over, noticing with ease how anxiety was starting to manifest in your bouncing leg and chewed bottom lip. You tried to take Frank’s advice and keep yourself calm, but as soon as you arrived at the house, you came to the conclusion the night was already becoming more intense than you had anticipated.

There was a haze of drunken stupor in the air and loud chatter filled every room, tipping almost over to downright shouting. Bottles and cans littered the tables and the realization that everyone was already drunk unsettled you, making you swallow hard as you reached for Frank’s hand. He squeezed tight, unwavering as he stood next to you.

”Finally! Took you long enough”, your brother noticed you standing by the door, and he rushed to you, shoving a bottle of beer into your hands. You shook your head and handed it back over to him, which earned a scoff from me. ”What, you too good for us now?” he mocked, but he didn’t linger to hear your response, just stomped back to the dining room where your mother was setting up dinner.

You glanced at Frank, and he directed an affirming nod at you, giving you the strength and will to walk to the dining table with him right behind you. You exchanged greetings with your mother who was clearly tipsy at the very least, and your attempts to make conversation went unheard and unnoticed. You supposed it was a good thing — they weren’t actively picking fights with you, at least.

Frank, ever the gentleman, helped bring in all the food and the plates, with the same goal as you: keeping the peace. He wasn’t interested in befriending your family because of all the trauma they had bestowed upon you, but for your sake, he remained cordial and polite. That said, he was ready to defend you at the smallest thing.

As everyone sat down for dinner, your mother poured you a glass of liquour and you instantly felt opposed to the idea. ”Oh, I don’t really drink anymore”, you tried, and in an instant, your mother and brother exchanged looks that were judgmental as well as surprised.

”One drink won’t kill you”, your mother insisted, continuing to pour until the glass was filled to the brim. You licked your lips nervously, but unwilling to start a full-blown argument by refusing, you reached for the glass.

Frank stopped you, however. ”They don’t gotta drink anythin’ they don’t wanna”, he spoke firmly, his tone stern enough to warn everyone not to start with him. You smiled softly at him and he squeezed your thigh in response, keeping you close to him in the hopes that his warmth would ground you in the otherwise anxiety-inducing environment.

Your mother opened her mouth to retort something, but she was cut off by the radio crackling, quickly redirecting her attention. ”Must be your grandparents again”, she commented with a laugh, one you didn’t return. You shuffled uncomfortably in your seat and Frank gave your arm a comforting caress, his eyes darting between you and your family. He hated seeing you in these situations that only distressed you, and he wished there was more he could have done to help.

But he tried by gaining control of the conversation. It was a gesture you appreciated greatly, especially because you knew he was most definitely not the kind of man who participated in small-talk. He was used to sitting back and observing, but right now, you didn’t have the capacity to keep chatting and he didn’t mind taking the reins on your behalf. He kept your mother busy so that she wouldn’t have the chance to push you to drink, but your brother still jumped at the opportunity.

”You’re really not gonna drink that? God, you really have changed. Can’t even have a drink with your family anymore”, he rolled his eyes, trying his very best to guilt you into having a sip, and it almost worked. You were moments away from cracking under the pressure, but once again, Frank came to your rescue.

”We’re, uh, we’re gon’ get some fresh air. Excuse us”, Frank informed curtly, his words respectful but his tone cold, just like the look in his eyes. He wasn’t going to let you sit there as the target of their complaints anymore, and so, he helped you up from the seat and guided you outside into the refreshing air.

You exhaled heavily as you dug out a cigarette with shaky hands, and Frank ran his hand across his face in frustration. He was seething, feeling so much anger towards your family for being so pushy with you, and he was desperate to just carry you in the car and take you home right now.

”We ain’t gotta stay, baby. The way they treat you… makes me real upset for you. Just say the word and I’ll take you home, got that?” he swore, his eyes piercing yours as you inhaled the cigarette. You pondered on his offer, and you couldn’t deny that it sounded tempting — it wasn’t a good time so far, and you doubted it was getting any better with all the alcohol they were consuming nonstop.

”Yeah, I don’t really want to stay for long. Let’s just get through dinner and then we’ll go?” you suggested, and sucking in a breath, Frank bowed his head in an agreeing nod.

”Whatever you wanna do. But I ain’t lettin’ you drink when you’ve done so well without any”, he decided with a point of his finger, and with an appreciative smile curling your lips, you reached for his forearm and squeezed.

”Thank you, Frankie. This would suck a lot more without you”, you noted, and with a quiet chuckle, Frank shrugged.

”Yeah, well, I’d need a damn good reason not to be here for you. I don’t want you to deal with all this all by yourself, y’know?” he explained, stepping closer to you and winding an arm over your shoulders. He pulled you closer, and while making sure you wouldn’t get ash on him, you leaned into him and enjoyed the feeling of his firm body against yours.

”I know it sucks. It’s just… they’re my family. I’ve realized it’s not healthy for me to spend a lot of time with them but sometimes I miss them”, you admitted quietly, a little embarrassed to speak the truth, but Frank wouldn’t judge you.

He pressed a kiss into your hair, in fact. ”I hear ya. It ain’t easy to cut off the people you’ve grown up with. I’m proud of you, anyway. You’re doin’ so great, hear me?” he emphasized, wanting you to know that he admired your strength. You were the most amazing person he knew and he would never let you forget that.

”You’re so sweet”, you muttered, shy under his praise and deep stare, and he reacted with a snort.

”That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that ’bout me, sweetheart”, he declared, and it made you laugh — even if you strongly felt like he should hear it all the time.

Sighing, you put out your cigarette. ”I guess we should head back inside”, you gave in, but with a tut, Frank pulled you back from the door.

”I mean, they ain’t exactly lookin’ for us yet. We’re in no hurry, yeah? We can take a moment, just you and me”, he proposed instead, and you didn’t take much convincing, especially with his dark eyes looking so soft and caring as they bore into yours. There was a small, hopeful smile on his lips, and that was enough to reel you in.

”I’d like that”, you agreed before leaning in to kiss his cheek. ”Thanks for everything, Frank. This really means a lot”, you added, and caressing your hair, he shook his head.

”Ya gotta stop thankin’ me, darlin’. I’m just doin’ what I can to help. And treatin’ you the way you deserve, aight?” he countered, serious about being good to you. And so far, he had been successful in every way.

It was going to be a long night, but you felt encouraged with Frank by your side, and you knew you had a way out if you just told him you wanted to go. It didn’t erase all your problems with your family, but it was safe to say you had found a new one in Frank.

#frank castle #frank castle fanfiction #frank castle x reader #the punisher #the punisher x reader

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ladytauria · 5 months ago

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Oooh for the ask game how about....voice actor au or single parent au. And pairings...hm, I'd like anything with Jason but actually I wanna see what you cook.

[[ i am working on a response to the voice actor au request as well but i think it’s going to take me a bit longer because i’m indecisive 😂 so i’m posting this one now and i’ll post that one when it’s done~ ]]

i actually have a single dad jason + eventual jaytim au in my notes. well i have more than one but this one is the most fleshed out (edit: ah… i was trying to type up a streamlined version but i ended up fleshing a couple more things out… it’s still shorter but. not as short as i was aiming for 😂)

Tim has been away from Gotham for a while—spreading his wings, developing who he is as a vigilante outside of Gotham (and Bruce). He returns after about a year, I think. During that year, Jason ended up with a kid. I have a few different ideas on how, lol, but regardless of her origin, Jason has a kid & he’s utterly wrapped around her finger, lmao. Tim knew that he had a kid but knowing is different from seeing it in person and something about it draws him in.

Tim and Jason’s territories have enough overlap that they often had occasion to work together before Tim left, and that’s true now that he’s back, too. More frequent, even, since Jason prioritizes spending time with / taking care of his kid when he can.

While he does hold Tim at arm’s length at first, after time spent working together, he starts letting Tim in, bit by bit. It’s a lot of little moments, building on each other. I think the biggest turning point is when he invites Tim over to eat before patrol, because he doesn’t think Tim eats enough real, hearty food xD And then that becomes a semi-regular thing—something Tim comes to cherish; bonding with Jason and his daughter.

He gets to know them, both of them. The tiny imperfections, the day-to-day mannerisms and habits, the little idiosyncrasies that make up who they are. And then one day, Tim looks up and realizes that he’s fallen in love with Jason, wants to be part of his and his daughter’s lives as something more than just Jason’s co-worker or friend… and that absolutely terrifies him.

Being with Jason is now about more than just… being with Jason. There’s a kid involved too, and… Tim doesn’t want to mess her life up. He’s not exactly the most stable of people.

But then something goes wrong on patrol, and Jason is captured, or cut off from everyone else. He needs rescue. The others mount a rescue, and Tim… he almost joins them. But… his first thought after, We need to find Jason, is about the kid. It’s true there are other people who could watch her, people Jason trusts… but most of them are outside of Gotham. So Tim chooses to trust the others to find and rescue Jason, and focuses on taking care of Jason’s daughter instead.

The others do manage to rescue Jason. He’s been injured & will be laid up a while, but he’ll heal. As soon as it’s okay to do so, Tim brings the kid to see him. After she’s assured that her dad is okay, Jason gets her talking about what she’s been up to while he was gone. And ofc, a lot of what she talks about is Tim, and the normalcy he did his best to give her.

She tires out eventually and falls asleep in Jason’s arms. Jason thanks Tim for caring for her, which Tim brushes off. No big deal, she’s a great kid, anyone would have done it. Jason’s not buying it though. He knows how hard it is to sit on the sidelines, for any of them. He also knows how devoted Tim is to the cause, to the Mission. Him choosing to set that aside for Jason’s kid is a big deal, even if it was only a short while.

Tim’s feelings aren’t one-sided—but Jason had a lot of the same fears Tim did. That he wouldn’t put her first. This is just one time, but it makes him hopeful for the future. So obviously Jason makes a move.

Tim argues, of course. Jason contradicts him with evidence, of the last few weeks. Of how Tim has already made her a priority, and this is just the most obvious sign yet. Tim tells him he’s scared. He has no idea how to be a parent.

“What, and you think I do?” Jason demands, brows knitted.

“Yes? Jason, you’re so good with her. You’re an amazing father,” Tim says earnestly.

Jason flushes darkly. “I— Look, I gave up on the idea of having kids a long time ago. So when I got her… I mean, you remember. I was a mess. I had no idea what I was doing, and honestly? I still don’t. I fuck up. Probably more than I even realize. But— She’s worth it. And, god, Tim. You’re good with her. I think— You could. If you wanted.”

Tim swallows around the lump in his throat. “You’d really trust me with her?”

“I already do. And—hell. It’s not like you’d be doing it alone. You—” Jason’s flush spreads to his ears and down the back of his neck. “I’d have your back.”

Tim gets misty-eyed. He agrees, on the condition that they take it slow. Which Jason agrees to, because ofc they need to go slow with this. And uh… happily ever after? Eventually?

#azol-otl #asks and answers #tauriawritesfanfic #kinda.#jaytim #dcu

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sweetaliencheeks · 2 years ago

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M A S T E R L I S T

JUST THE TWO:

THE ONE WHERE THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL Rocket had developed a habit to point out things that remind him of you.

THE ONE WHERE THEY EAT CEREAL Rocket felt lonely and woke you up to have a midnight snack.

THE ONE WHERE SHE HELPS Definitely not a qualified nurse, but love can heal, too.

THE ONES THAT ARE SILENT 1 & 2 Sometimes words aren’t necessary.

THE ONE WHERE SHE DANCES Got some units to spare?

THE ONE WHERE SHE KEEPS A DIARY

There’s an unexpected package at your door.

THE ONE WHERE SHE GETS OLDER Honestly, I just hate my birthday.

THE ONE WHERE SHE FALLS IN LOVE Sometimes you can just pinpoint the right moment.

THE ONE WHERE HE’S BABY I mean, that was literally the only option.

THE ONLY ONE WHERE HE’S TALL Please, I don’t know exactly what this is but I was force fed Tall Girl and thought this was a good idea… Also, kinda naughty.

THE ONE WHERE THEY CUDDLE Sometimes all you need is the right person to bring out the best in you.

THE ONE WHERE THEY GET ENGAGED Honestly, the plan wasn’t bad, but you had to have sausage fingers, didn’t you?

THE ONE WHERE THEY RUN AWAY Based off of a weird dream I had, gotta love a Runaway Bride moment…

THE ONE WHERE HE COMES BACK Slightly angst, I guess. But always with a sweet ending.

THE ONE WHERE THEY SHARE A BED Obviously a mandatory fic, and also a self explanatory one.

THE ONE WHERE HE TELLS HER Alcohol makes you say things you don’t wanna say, and do things you don’t wanna do. Like betting with Ravagers!

THE ONE WHERE HE LOSES

Gotta keep your eyes on the prize.

THE ONE WHERE HE’S COLD I know that global warming is fucked up, but how cold can it be during summer?

THE ONE WHERE THEY MEET Needed to write something that took place during those five years. Those were lonely times, we could all use a drinking buddy…

THE ONE AT THE MARRIAGE Admit it, we’re all suckers for the “I’m going to my best friend’s wedding to watch him marry somebody else while being hopelessly in love with him” trope. And come on, who doesn’t love a wedding?

THE ONE WHERE HE KNOCKS Post GOTG3. had many complaints about crying. But happy tears only!

THE ONE WHERE HE SAVES HER

Julia Roberts would be so jealous…

THE ONE AFTER THE NIGHTMARE

After you’ve died, any moment is good.

THE ONE WHERE THEY DANCE

What song are you?

WITH THE GUARDIANS

THE ONE WHERE HE BETS Peter bet he could get a secret out of you, and he’s very bad at keeping secrets.

THE ONE WHERE THEY’RE USELESS Just a little everyday struggle when your friends aren’t that good with feelings.

THE ONE WHERE THEY COMMUNICATE Maybe next time try to be a little bit more literal…

THE ONE WHERE SHE ADMITS IT

You tell Peter how you feel while waiting for

Rocket to come back to the living (gotg3)

So I followed the advice of my lovely readers and finally got around to do a masterlist so it’s easier to find everything! Let me know if I forgot anything. I was actually surprised by how many fics I have written over the years, and I want to say how grateful I am for your support and kind words 🤍

Also, I want to precise that although some of the titles contain the pronouns “she/her”, the fics are mostly gender neutral. I’ll get around to fix the titles eventually!

Keep rocking you beautiful space babies

#rocket x reader #fanfic #gotg fic #gotg vol 1 #gotg vol 3 #rocket raccoon #guardians of the galaxy #marvel #gotg x reader #gotg2 #masterlist

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spaciebabie · 17 days ago

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any advice 4 when u want to keep drawing 2 improve but u cant get over perfectionism ? like when u just dont care how its gonna turn out, if its bad its bad yknow?

ahh yes lowkey ive struggled with this a lot. not as much now as in the past tho, and honestly its beecuz ive developed a more neutral view on myself/my art in general. its going to take time to get to this state of mind, so dont be too hard on yourself when you find yourself falling into bad habits.

advice under the cut (kind of long winded) ⬇️⬇️⬇️

the first thing ive done to overcome perfectionism is focus less on details and more about overall shape and form. when i sketch im trying to get roughly what i want, and i limit the strokes i do in certain parts of my sketch to like 1-3 depending on what im drawing (im ngl i also am very impatient and have created a workflow that makes it so i am able to start and finish pieces as fast as possible LOLOLOL. shrugs. i just like drawing fast).

a good example would be this thing i just drew:

in all of my sketches i tend to use as few strokes as possible and just get the basic idea down. good for not overly focusing on teeny tiny details and worrying about them later (i also use the same technique for lineart, but just end up connecting the lines. thats another tip i have, if you like your sketches more than your fully lined pieces, just line the same way you sketch! or you could also use your sketch as your lineart :P)

another tip i have is to draw from references, and once again, focus mostly on shape/form/the big picture of your subject before going into details (do you know how many planes there are on the human face....i still dont know howta draw faces properly but im not mad at myself anymore about it, i just open up a reference and try to learn). i also recommend having a drawing session where the goal is to draw awfully. draw something you want to draw, but that you're not sure if you'll draw it right, and draw it. dont try to correct it, acknowledge that what you made isnt perfect, and then draw something else. you're learning! of course its not gonna be perfect. but inevitably, you're going to get frustrated. just remember if its something you really want to go back to, you will be able to revisit it in the future. feel your anger and frustration, but do your best to not direct it inward.

small side tangent about shading- I AM SO SHIT AT SHADING SKFHSAFDJHS. people dont tend to notice (surprising), since ig my shading style is considered "beautiful" or something, but if you looked at it on a technical level, there are mistakes everywhere. i havent really tried to improve it. i dont really care most of the time b/c i just like shading for fun. and especially when im shading my sketches, i already have it in my mind that its not supposed to be perfect. its a sketch. this is where im supposed to make all of my mistakes. once i start making my way to the final product is when i start worrying more about if i did the lighting correctly (even then ik im not good at it im not trying to be a god im just trying to draw things that make me happy).

additionally, i really rec u dont try and fudge a sketch until its better if you're deep in a Perfectionist moment. keep the old sketch and start over on a new sketch taking bits and pieces you liked from the original, and improving on those that you dont (shitty thumbnails are also good if you have a vague idea in mind but need ta figure out howta place subjects in your scene). honestly drawing the same thing/idea over and over gets me a better understanding of my subject each time, so naturally each iteration looks better. it doesnt take me that long to sketch tho, so if sketching takes you forever (sometimes if sketching takes you forever its b/c you're a perfectionist skjfskdjf) just think about how much time you're willing to spend on something. remember☝️ its okay to give up/take a break on something and try again later. sometimes you just needta stop looking at your art and like. look at a tree or something lmfao.

i will also say that im not looking to go into a career in art, im more of a hobbyist. ik school environments dont exactly.....help with perfectionism lol. there are certain expectations put on people who go into the art field that are inescapable. if this is the case for you, i still think what ive discussed before can help you, but i also think that you may need to lean more on the mental tips i have also provided below.

alright! mental health tips in regard to art:

so, i have c-ptsd, and with that comes a lot of self image issues that ive had to work on. my feelings about myself extended to the way i felt about my art. it was shit, it was awful, i cant draw like this other person can so why bother, if its not perfect i shouldnt draw at all, etc. and honestly, something thats helped is affirmations. my affirmations are c-ptsd related, but ive noticed a shift in the way i view myself, and by extent, my art since ive started repeating them to myself daily. and honestly, i think a requirement of overcoming perfectionism is telling yourself that your art doesnt hafta be perfect, A LOT. LOL. LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAFTA ACTIVELY TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE NOT AWFUL LMAOOOO. its funny, we dont think much about how we naturally are self critical about ourselves, and we dont realize that we are basically repeating negative affirmations about ourselves over and over and thats why we're not improving (mentally).

even when you're not drawing, i think it would benefit some people to have some kind of notification on their phone to remind them to tell themselves that their art doesnt hafta be perfect daily/however often you feel you might need it. and then with that affirmation, practice Shitty Drawing. one of the best tips ive ever gotten for this was from one of my friends monnie. get out your sketchbook or some printer paper, take out a shitty pen, and DRAW. and then any mistakes you make are permanent and you cant just endlessly try and fix them. it forces you ta sit with this uncomfortable feeling that something you made isnt perfect. eventually your brain will realize that when your art isnt perfect, you can still draw and you're ALLOWED to continue to draw even if what you make isnt spectacular. if you dont want to repeat an affirmation daily, try to remember to at least repeat it before you sit down to draw. something along the lines of "my art doesnt hafta be perfect in order for me to want to draw. im allowed to draw even if its not perfect" or something else. it depends on what you most struggle with in regards to your perfectionism. im ngl its probably going to feel cringe at first, but i promise you, it really works if you put it into practice longterm.

shoot for neutrality instead of positivity first. let me tell you thats where i am now and its so much less exhausting drawing lmfaooo. i make something that looks like shit and im just like. i dont fucking careee i dont give a fuccckkkkk

those are my tips :] i hope this was helpful!

#spacie spoinks #art tips #kind of?#art advice #i would have added more art but i dont have my art saved on this device KSHFSKJDFH #i copy and pasted my art above from my tumblr post 💀💀💀💀💀💀#anyway #have a great day anon!!

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bestworstcase · 8 months ago

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Hi, just joined Tumblr earlier today as part of an unrelated thing, thought I'd check your page out on a friend's rec, and... wow. Just, wow. This is practically the nine-dimensional chess of media literacy. I would have so many question, but everything you discuss is promptly explained in such great detail that I can't even say that. One question remains, though: *how?* Where do you get the absurd amount information and brainpower required to connect the show's many, many dots at this high of a level? It's something I struggle with myself (though that may be due to there being over a year between watching V1-V8 and seriously starting to reflect on the show beyond "well, that was a fun sequence of events"—thank you, newish fanfic writing brain—but that's besides the point), and I was wondering if you had any tips for expanding one's thinking in this direction, as the show still means a *lot* to me—there's a reason, however unexplainable, that I stuck with it so long before the reflections started—and I'd love it if the deepest parts of my brain could reflect it as such.

...Unless that's too much to ask, in which case, whoops! Either way, thank you.

really fundamentally the most effective thing you can do to practice is make a deliberate effort to cultivate a sense of curiosity toward the text. and what i mean by that is, get in the habit of asking yourself questions as if you’re in a high school english lit class: what happened in this scene? why did this character say or do that? does this conversation remind you of anything that happened in an earlier scene, and if so, what’s similar? what’s different? what did you learn about the characters from this scene? what did you learn about the world they live in? why do you think this scene was important enough to be in the story? what changed in this scene (something will always have changed)?

it may feel a bit patronizing at first BUT over time if you’re consistent about it, doing this will train you to approach reading or watching as an active participant. analytical interpretation is a skill and like any skill it takes sustained effort and practice.

after that it’s sort of just pattern recognition. this is true of all stories but it’s especially true of theme-driven stories like rwby because they tend to be very deliberate about repeating and refracting their ideas and often develop rich symbolic vocabularies. so you identify a pattern and then examine the text until you can develop a compelling argument for what it means.

one thing to keep in mind if you’re generally familiar with fandom is that fandom encourages a lot of practices that are cool and fun in fannish contexts but will poison analysis because they are (by nature of being transformative) untethered from the text. headcanon, for example, is things held to be true irrespective of the text—one could have as a headcanon that ruby is allergic to bee stings or that qrow is her father or whatever and it doesn’t matter that there’s no textual evidence or that the text says otherwise because the text is not relevant—but analytically, you must be able to back every part of your argument with textual evidence. so it is useful to practice compartmentalizing to keep headcanon strictly separated from the text in your mind.

(that’s also a practice i recommend in general because being able to say “i like this idea and i have it in mind when i create fanworks, but it isn’t canonical” is healthy)

a good habit to get into is arguing against yourself and holding yourself to a high standard of proof. the reason my argumentation tends to be so thorough is that i try to be as skeptical of my own theories as i am of other people’s. if i have an idea that seems right but doesn’t withstand textual scrutiny, i discard it. (or i might toss it into the headcanon/au idea pile, if i’m very fond of it.) i will often develop more than one argument about a given subject and then lay them all against the text before i commit to one. being skeptical will push you to pay closer attention.

cultivate curiosity about your own emotional reactions, too. what did this scene make you feel? why? how do you feel about this or that character? what draws you to your favorite characters? what distances you from the characters you don’t like? what ideas come to mind when you think about the story and what it means to you? if you have a strong reaction to something—good or bad—try to trace that feeling to its root. what sparked it and why?

once you start digging into that you’ll find that your intuitive reactions to the story are non-arbitrary—you’re subconsciously picking up on certain patterns or themes that resonate with you. so paying attention to what the story makes you feel and asking how and why it incites those feelings will guide you to conscious discovery of things you’ve already noticed without noticing.

and another good point of entry is to look for recurring symbols / imagery—for example, silver-eyes get associated with death and reincarnation through a combination of harvest/reaper imagery (scythe, sickle, ‘the grimm reaper’) and butterflies (ruby’s first glare resembles wings, butterflies everywhere when she and maria discuss her eyes, butterflies symbolizing ascension in the ever after). adding this pattern together with the white light in the liminal void between realms (the threshold of life and death!), the implication that silver-eyes came from ozma (who dies and reincarnates cyclically), the stated purpose of the glare (to preserve and protect life), ruby hearing pyrrha’s final words in her dreams (which she didn’t hear in reality), and the glare having destroyed the hand cinder used to kill pyrrha, is how i got to “silver-eyes are psychopomps,” because both the symbolism and the narrative facts about the power line up in that direction.

the one thing to be careful with in relation to symbolism is not to treat it like a secret code! symbolic meaning isn’t universal so you should always consider symbolism in context with the narrative. the first question should always be “what idea does this image appear in connection to, when it appears?” i.e. the burning rose in rwby symbolizes mourning. think of symbols as more like trail markers that the narrative has placed to help you understand the story by connecting dots. we see the burning rose on summer’s grave and then we see it on ruby; she carries her mother’s absence with her. she gives the brooch away in the ever after right after the blacksmith shows her a glimpse of summer, and then in the storm her reflection is summer but ruby doesn’t look, doesn’t see: she’s avoiding her grief, trying to pretend it isn’t there. and then the brooch returns to her once she faces what the blacksmith wanted to show her about her mom: now it’s a symbol for acceptance of loss.

and with a story like rwby that uses allusion to develop its thematic narrative it’s really helpful to read the texts it alludes to! the core narrative allusions are the marvelous land of oz, maiden in tower fairytales (petrosinella, persinette, rapunzel), cinderella, and the little prince, plus alice’s adventures in wonderland & through the looking glass for the ever after. and then every major character has a specific character allusion. both kinds of allusion are symbolic/thematic (you can’t use allusions to predict specific plot events but they help tie together emotional arcs and character relationships cohesively, and the narrative allusions are pretty good weather vanes for very broad-strokes things like ozma’s symbolic blindness being ‘healed’ in the end).

rewatching the show a couple of times will also help, especially if you take notes. i’m not sure how many times i’ve rewatched v1-8 but it’s a lot and i’ve watched v9 in full twice, plus rewatching a lot of specific episodes or scenes for reference. rewatching will help you spot patterns that you missed before and increase your familiarity with the text in general, both of which help tremendously.

#the adhd helps. also

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northwindow · 7 months ago

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hey julia !! hope ur doing well... am asking u [instead of messaging!] this bc i imagine u might say some rly cool stuff that other ppl would love to see also lol... but i just wondered if u had any basic tips or resources about like developing a (short-term) writing routine? the context is not fiction writing but like academic but i feel like my academic writing is a creative practice so yeah, hope that makes sense! hope its okay to ask ! have a lovely day <3

hi anna marie! you ask the very question i need answered for myself… i am in a very slow place creatively so i feel silly to be giving advice! but i’ve been thinking about how to get things flowing again. very basic but helpful to me:

getting feedback from other people at a regular interval - i am very shy and this can feel like pulling teeth but it’s so worth it, i am always amazed how much it pushes me to finish things i would have otherwise languished on forever

reading a lot (of course) - it helps me to read a bit directly before starting to write. but also being intentional about it and having a defined list of inspiring works… i recently listened to david naimon interview joanna hedva and he asked them which writers were “squatting over” their latest book which i thought was a good way of putting it! i would like to curate a "squatters shelf" to dip into for inspiration on whatever project i'm working on

distinguishing between writing vs. editing time - this is hard for me because i am a very "edit as you go" type person but sometimes it's stifling! in another interview with tommy pico i heard him talk about his writing routine as very everything-goes, yes-and, accumulation-focused style on monday-thursday and then friday is reserved for finding what was good and refining it. i have always wanted to try this!

incorporating a degree of controlled randomness into the routine - whether it be randomizing where you physically work, what part of the project you work on, or brainstorming new ideas, i really enjoy drawing an option "out of a hat" (i hope that makes sense) at some stage of the writing process. i know i am going to be surprised and challenged by a guiding force even in a small way and want to see what’s going to happen.

something that has helped me a lot with routine in general is “habit stacking” i.e. trying to bundle a new task into something you already do regularly - i have not thought about how to do this with writing, but i have successfully bundled reading into drinking my morning coffee every day and it has changed my life significantly

also: i really like that you specified a short-term routine! i think temporary routines keep things interesting, help mark time, and more fully immerse me in things, so academia might be onto something with semesters etc… i am curious about trying to have a self-imposed writing “season” followed by an “off season” where i chill and eat peaches and watch the sopranos every night or whatever without guilt. (one might say i am chilling right now lol… but it’s definitely guilty chilling!) i also love that you see your academic project as a creative pursuit, i hope you are having a really fruitful time so far! ❤️

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sparrow-flight · 4 months ago

Text

Operation STATIC SHOCK

[4413 words, 23 minutes]

This letter was written in a sketchbook stored in Agent HROTHGAR’s locker. It is written in a blend of Ingush and Russian.

Operation STATIC SHOCK 13 FEB 2017

First operation. Helvetia Branch 4 headquarters in Rio, Brazil. Amaia is late, and Melydice immediately jumps on the opportunity to tell it’s a good habit to be on time. What a great start. I am not looking forward to her talkative presence.

Arquette tells us about the case. A static worm came out of a man. Two people have been bit. No one knows how it happened or what it means, but he has an idea: it’s because of a drug people have been trying to send out. He doesn’t know where it’s from. I guess that’s our job now.

He drops a duffel on the table: 1 pistol for each of us. He empties the bag and leaves as Fisher enters, who mutters about missing the meeting. Again, Melydice scolds him. Even though we flew here on the same plane, he apparently had another meeting before this one.

Arquette immediately starts walking out. Fisher chases after him and we follow. We go outside to see the van we’ll be using: a Benz sprinter. The kind I’ll tell the kids to avoid. We use it to go to the crime scene, an apartment. Arquette starts it. Fisher sits in shotgun, opens a laptop, and we go in. God, it was really fucking hot in there. But if I took our uniform jacket off, Arquette will scold me. Or worse, Melydice.

Speaking of Melydice, she mentions logistical issues with another agent to Arquette. I thought it was about Molly, who was supposed to be here. But apparently she wasn’t here because of food poisoning (she ate seafood for her birthday). Anyway, Arquette tells Melydice to leave the files on his desk. I don’t think the rest of us were supposed to hear that, because he looks back at us after saying that while driving. Fisher takes over the wheel while that happens.

We’re still on the way to the apartment. I’ll continue writing after we investigate.

---

We arrive. The three junkies and the five cops are there. Arquette parks and tells us to get out. He and Fisher are only here to babysit (they have another task to do). So I go talk to the police and the junkies immediately. I don’t want to spend more time here than necessary. I ask them what happened. One of them wonders if they’re allowed to tell us. I don’t know what to do, so I look at our babysitters. Arquette mouths, “Lie”.

This is going terribly already.

Melydice does the talking again. She says we’re back up. Obviously they don’t know who we are, who called us in, and know none of us are locals. But I guess they’re shaken enough to let it slip. He tells us about the call to the apartment. A worm came out of someone’s chest like the “conjuring” (I don’t know what that is).

After that, Melydice takes charge of the group. She suggests searching the apartment and investigating wounds. Yona checks the junkie’s and officer’s wound: swollen, developed new tissue (Metasised? Metastasized? I don’t know what that is), and static-like. The junkie’s scar is worse than the officer’s. Melydice then says to split the group: two to talk to junkies (Tatsu, Melydice), three to search the apartment (Amaia, Yona, me).

The three of us see the body the worm tore through. Yona inspects the body. She says its nerve channels are scrambled, repurposed by alien signals. The pineal gland also grew a radar organ that broadcasted signals. I don’t understand what any of that means, but it doesn’t sound good.

I use the UV light on my gun to look for the drugs. They weren’t good at hiding them. It’s just in the cupboard: small vials of glowing pink liquid. I give it to Yona. She asks me what drug I think it is. I don’t know why.

Amaia figures out the drug’s taken with a syringe, so I suggest looking for them. I help Yona with my UV light. She finds one syringe easily with equipment to test drug purity. I continue shining normal light on her. Yona reads the test results and says the drug is nootropic (heightens senses). Fisher was right. She is useful.

Then, I search the bag the needle came from. It’s filled with university textbooks and notebooks. A student’s. I take the bag. Amaia checks the body and finds a wallet. His name was Ted, 22. He was just three years older than Hrodwyn. Poor kid.

I check for any signs of other people being here, and then we leave to join Melydice and Tatsu.

Outside, they tell us about their talk with the junkies (Vito, Mike). Vito thinks he needs to go to a hospital. Melydice says he will, after answering her questions. So he does. The flat belonged to Ted. Vito and Mike were there only for a hit. Neither are the suppliers. This was Ted’s third time taking the drug. It’s the first for Vito and Mike.

Vito said the drug was called “Pink”, or “Fuzz”. It lets you see everything, like “mega LSD”. It lets you see everything, and everything sees you. At the crime scene after taking the drug, Ted opened his mouth. Static came out, and then the worm came out and bit Vito.

Melydice asks where Ted got the drug from. He got it at a comic store. He used a sign up sheet for a game room (Magi Nation, Jyhad, some dead game), asked for 30 minutes, and the dealers showed up. Vito and Mike have never gone to the store.

Tatsu gets his turn and asks Vito how he and Mike knew Ted and the drugs (Ted was their university friend). And then he tells him how things aren’t so fun with drugs involved. Vito tells him to fuck off. Even then, Tatsu tries to medicate Vito’s wound, even though he has no idea what to do with it. What a strange man.

Melydice reconfirms if it was Vito and Mike’s first time. Vito confirms. He says they saw other worlds with the drug and refuse to take it again. He also tells us there are other users besides the three of them. They all know to sign up for the dead game.

By the way, while this was happening, Vito keeps asking Melydice to go to a hospital and to see a doctor. And each time, Melydice tells him she’ll let him only after he answers her questions. It’s good that she’s efficient. That’ll get me home sooner. But I remember he’s just a kid and feel a bit bad for him. In the end, Yona was the one who treated Vito.

Melydice starts questioning the bitten officer. She asks if it was a wild animal report. The officer says yes. And then Melydice insists that it was a wild animal he saw. The officer describes the same thing as the one before and whenever he says monster, Melydice talks over him to say wild animal. I don’t know how convincing she thinks she is…

This is when an officer approaches Arquette and Fisher to ask them questions. So I walk between them, tell Arquette we’re done and we can leave. But the officer still tries asking me who we are. I tell him it’s not his business. He says it is. I don’t know what to say. But Melydice likes to talk and she’s good at talking to people. So I point at Melydice. Ask her. Not me.

That worked. He goes to her. As she says we’re private investigators working under an NDA for a private health firm, I see her slip her wallet out, and she makes sure the officer sees it. I shouldn’t be surprised she’s not above that. And I figure I should be there for extra support, unfortunately, if things go dirty.

I don’t really follow what she says, but standing there seemed to work. The officer asks us to “show credentials” but instead, brings us aside and opens his hand, expecting money. I am not spending a single cent for the job. So it’s good that Melydice is. The officer takes her money.

At this point, it has been 1 hour and 20 minutes. Cops have been here 15 minutes: they’ve been here for 1h and 45 minutes total. In that time, Vito’s wound went from the fresh state of the officer’s to the worse state it is in now. We don’t have much time.

We agree on a plan: Arquette and Fisher will drive the victims to a hospital and will drop us off at Stoneburner Comics (we got the address from one of the junkies). Fisher also changes into his suit, for some reason. It’s a 15 minute drive to the comic store. We just arrived, so I’ll continue writing later.

---

The comic store is empty, except for some people. The sign up sheet at the front is easy to find. 20 people have signed up for dead games. 20 people have signed up for death.

Melydice takes a picture of the list and writes down Yona’s name. Hm. The store owner sees us and reaches for his phone. I thought he was onto us. So I walk over and put his phone down. Just in case. I say we’re only here for a good time. He doesn’t say anything.

I can’t fucking believe what I’m about to do. You would never let me live this down.

I sling my arm over Melydice’s shoulder to convince him that we’re only here for a good time with friends. That was all for fucking nothing, because he wasn’t convinced. So I try to ask who he was calling, but he’s too scared to answer! Why is he so scared? I don’t understand. I’m trying very hard to be nice, especially with my arm around fucking Melydice. I’m sure you’d agree. Right?

Melydice does calm him down in the end, and the owner says that he was going to call the dealers… until I put the phone down. God. What a sick joke. How was I supposed to know?? He could’ve just told me. At least Melydice has talked sense into the owner and I can leave. But Melydice holds the back of my jacket so I can’t. Bastard. At least I can write all this down before the dealers get here.

---

20 minutes later, Arquette calls Melydice from the hospital. He’s posing as a doctor and says the kids’ wounds are growing. Since Melydice has the information on the wounds and drugs, he asks her for help. Melydice calls Yona outside for her to relay what she knows to Henri. She thinks amputation is not a good idea, but remembers the radar organ in the pineal gland. In the living victims, the radar may be sending or receiving signals. She suggests surgery to remove it. Arquette tells Fisher to find out if there is a basement: if there is, put the victims there. If that doesn’t work, trepanation. He speaks French and hangs up.

Then the dealers arrive, and we go into a game room. The dealers are 2 people. First: 7’ man, shit posture, bald patch on neck. He doesn’t have hair. Instead, it’s… long, thin cattails poking out of his head? Second: 5’ woman, all muscle, looks very sunburnt except for the glyph on her head. Strangely, I think I recognise it. Maybe from a book I’ve seen. It’s from another world, so she’s definitely not from this place. Maybe from this planet, but not of this… realm. Maybe you’d known more about it, Lin. Ah, but if you were here, I wouldn’t bring you into this mess.

The man is the one who talks. He asks how many we want. Melydice asks how many they have. The man opens his bag, showing 20 vials. Tatsu asks if they’re the only suppliers, and the man says they are.

I ask how much it is. It’s 4000 Real. God. I’m not spending that much for this job, and I’m especially NOT spending that much for drugs! I say it’s too expensive and leave. The rest follow. The dealers are upset and stare at us, but I don’t care. All I need to do is know their car. I see it, write down the licence plate in this sketchbook, and draw the symbol on the woman’s head. Melydice calls Fisher to pick us up.

When Arquette and Fisher arrive, I show them my sketchbook. Fisher goes to his computer and gets the car’s information. It includes the owner's apartment address. We leave immediately.

Fisher drives fast. Very fast. Arquette quickly gives our breaching order. Tatsu goes in first with his sword (why is he using a sword??). I’m next to throw a flashbang to cover him. Melydice gets the shotgun and goes next. Amaia and Yona are door guards.

We arrive. As Fisher and Arquette wait at separate exits, we don our kevlar vests and scopes and storm up to the fourth floor. Tatsu kicks down the door, and the skull on the table screams like a death whistle.

My gut tightens. Melydice kicks the skull. It shatters and stops screaming. The dealers aren’t here but others will hear it. We need to move fast.

Messy room. Takeout boxes everywhere. There’s a couch with a broken frame. Something heavy broke it, maybe. A pile of laundry behind it. I smell it before seeing it. Oily. Disgusting. There’s also a blue-grey metal gong on the wall. It doesn’t have any symbols on it.

Rooms: living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen. Amaia and Yona stand guard. Melydice checks the bedroom. I cover her. There’s a wardrobe and closet. The bed… is a mess. Medication, handguns, blood and… semen samples, candy, and coloured lamps shaped like a round cartoon cat. Very cute. Hygd might like it. Melydice checks under the bed. There’s nothing. I open one of the candies. Normal candy. I check the sample labels. Only has names and words ‘blood’ or ‘semen’.

Melydice checks the closet. I watch her back. No clothes. But there’s a body. McDonalds cashier. Opened up. Missing organs. Walls smeared with no-scent incense. No wonder there’s no smell. But I can imagine it. He was just a kid. Really still a kid. He was just Merethel’s age. 17 years old.

Melydice asks Yona to inspect the body while calling her “sweetie”... Meanwhile, I shine UV light on the corpse, the closet (just smears), and the rest of the room. There’s nothing much. Melydice checks the wardrobe. It’s designed to suspend a person (there’s a harness dangling from the top).

Melydice checks on Yona and asks if something is wrong, as if there’s nothing wrong with a teenager being ripped apart. Yona says his chest was crudely opened and it is empty. Heart, lungs, stomach, liver, all gone. Though his pancreas is still there. There are signs of struggle: he was serrated open while alive. I’ve seen all sorts of things before. You know that, Lin. But this… now that the job’s done, my mind keeps going back to Merethel.

Anyway, Melydice thanks her. The kid has no identification on him, so I take a picture of his face and the room. I wonder if his parents know. They should.

Tatsu checks the kitchen: cabinets, oven, a fridge. He opens the fridge. There are sheets and sheets of fatty skin marinating in plastic bags, their colours changing to the light. The oven has wooden boxes. The cabinet has lighters, incense, crystal necklaces. Tatsu goes back to the boxes to open them, and there’s a shit ton of Pink.

In the bedroom, I check for fingerprints on the items on the bed again with my UV light. I ask Yona to record the fingerprints, and we both gather the rest of the evidence. Yona categorises them to bag them. For the 5 handguns, I turn on the safety, unload them, keep one magazine on me and hand one to Yona. She thanks me. I distribute the other magazines to the other agents. Tatsu joins us to help.

Amaia suddenly locks the door and puts a chair under the handle. We stare at her. She says she hears the dealers’ voices echoing up the stairwell. They’re coming. There’s no key. The dealers have it on them.

I quickly check the bathroom. There are two sets of helmets and “shoulder pads” (I searched it up later: gorget). On the shower curtains are glyphs. They look like computer writing. I tell the other agents. Melydice and Tatsu checks.

Melydice reads the glyphs:

WHEN THE CURTAIN IS DRAWN FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER, THE GATE OPENS.

Tatsu reads more:

SHOULD YOU OPEN IT, THE AIR WILL FREEZE. IT WILL LEAD TO THE FEATURELESS PLANE AND THE MONITOR WILL CARRY YOU TO THE BORDERWORLD. THE WHIPLASH IS FATAL WITHOUT NECK PROTECTION.

Tatsu also tells us about the Pink in the oven. But there’s no time to do anything about it now! We put our backs to the wall: Melydice to one side of the door, Tatsu to the other. We hear them coming, talking in a strange language. Amaia hears the woman fiddle with the keys and twist it. The man says something in a low tone. They speak in hushed voices.

And then the man speaks in English. He stutters. “What-what-what do-do you-you-you want?”

Surprisingly, he seems… genuine. Open to talk. And nervous. Good. I ask if he wants to live. Silence. Then, from the other side of the door, after whispering with the woman, the man says the gong blocks out sound from the room. If we want to negotiate, we open the door.

Melydice removes the chair from the doorknob and opens the door. She tells them to put their hands on their heads and walk in. The outer layer of the woman’s skin looks like it’s made of stone, while the man’s skin is peeling off. Tatsu notices the skin looks like the one in the fridge.

When they see our guns, the man, who’s 2 feet taller than the woman, tries to hide behind her. He’s trembling. Melydice says there’s nothing to be scared of if they follow our instructions. The man grips the woman’s shoulders. She shrugs them off. Tries to. Says she’ll put her hands up because the man’s too much of a bitch to.

We keep the guns on them. Melydice keeps threatening them. The woman says not to do anything funny and threatens us with two stone eggs in her hands…

I notice the man eyes the bathroom. I follow his gaze and look back at him with a raised eyebrow. The woman says to not look at him, to look at her, and to ask her questions.

Amaia closes the door. Melydice asks where they get the drugs from. The woman asks why, saying we probably already have some. But we don’t care about that. We want to know where they’re from. The woman says ‘Mechanics’.

Melydice asks her to elaborate, but the woman instead comments about how calm we are, as if we’ve seen these things before. (No idea what they’re talking about, but alright.) She explains they’re not from this world, which is obvious at this point. Then she explains where they get the drug from. Pink is fuel they get from mechanics of their world that’s used to fix communication devices. They sell it here because it’s cheap back home. They come here, take human materials (the ones on the bed), and sell them back at their home.

I ask about the skin in the fridge. They’re disguises to look like humans. It’s what the man wears, but it doesn’t look good on him. He’s too stressed for it to work. I ask about the kid in the closet. Organ trafficking. Some things still stay the same across worlds, huh?

I also ask what the rock eggs do. She asks if we want to find out. Tatsu and I say no. As Melydice reaches to her pocket, the woman’s hands tighten around the eggs. But all Melydice wants to do is to call Arquette.

Some time later, we hear his voice: “Room service.” Amaia opens the door. Arquette and Fisher enter. Fisher’s two fists are held in front of him and when the door closes, a flaming sword appears in his hands. You would’ve loved seeing that. The sword, I mean. It sounds like the story about the sword in the stone you tell me about. The one with Merlin, right?

Arquete gets more information out of the drug dealers. They’re from a city called the Borderworld, made by extinct aliens. It’s filled with refugees from other universes. Traffickers, sorcerers, slavers, awful people. Also slaves. These two go between both worlds through gates like the bathroom, trying to keep low because both worlds hate them. So they do a bad job in both worlds. Money’s tight. They have a hard time keeping it. Besides Pink, they also sell machetes (made out of meteoric iron, intricately engraved, very useful for combat), protective equipment, necklaces (good for defence, guns will be useless with them).

And then, instead of killing them or arresting them, Arquette decides to negotiate with them for some goddamn reason. If they stop selling drugs and stop killing people, Helvetia will keep them alive as payment for their goods. He continues to threaten the woman, cornering her, and intimidates her into dropping the stone eggs, the snake. She complies. Nothing happens.

Arquette tells Melydice to bag the eggs as evidence and to take them away. We can handle the aliens as we please. As we do so, Melydice tells them they’re lucky we were told not to kill them. The woman also spits out an amulet and her skin turns to normal.

I hold Fisher back. Since he’s the computer guy I thought he could, I don’t know, track the kid’s face and find his parents. And I don’t need to use English to talk to him. He says he’ll take care of it. No parent wouldn’t want to know their kid has been torn up like that. It’ll be a closed casket funeral, and he’ll find the kid’s parents.

We’re the last to leave. Fisher tells me that even if it doesn’t look like it, this was a job well done. It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. It doesn’t feel like anything.

Everyone gets in the van. The woman and man are handcuffed. Arquette fixes the disguise on the man, looks through the evidence bags, and keeps one of the cat lamps. I’m glad I kept one in my bag. Hygd’s going to love it. I hope she will. He also talks about keeping one of the lighters even though Fisher says Arquette doesn’t smoke anymore.

Arquette tells the prisoners that they’ll be kept in a special cell where Melydice can visit them. Melydice interrupts, saying he's making another mistake by keeping them. Arqutte says it’s better to keep them out of others’ hands, even though there are other ways of doing that. The prisoners also have weapons and defences that are good for Helvetia. Melydice leans back into her seat: “Don’t say I didn't warn you, Mr. Arquette.” Arquette trusts her to take care of him when he gets over his head.

I’m writing part of this as we drive back to headquarters. I also take another cat lamp: something for Molly’s birthday. She’s still young. She might like it. Yona takes two of them. Tatsu and Amaia take incense.

We arrive at headquarters. Fucking Arquette had the same idea as me and gave his cat lamp to Molly! Melydice tells her to throw it away because it’s “touched by devils”. I think it’s more important for her to know they were left next to blood and semen samples. I give my second cat lamp to Molly since I don’t know what to do with a spare. I tell her to not listen to Melydice, but that she may want to wash her hands because of the blood and semen samples. I clarify that the samples weren’t on the bed. They were in the tubes. So the lamps are at least that clean.

Arquette and Fisher talk to each other in French as we follow them into an office. Arquette says we did good. And the bastard reveals he made us wear the uniforms to make the mission harder for us! He wants us to make sure we have the right clothes with the right situation. Obviously we already know that. A fucking six year old would know that!

He also reveals the police were under his pay. Apparently, when the cops at the apartment called their office, it also went to Helvetia. This won’t always be the case for our operations, though. Then he talks about the other Helvetia branches (we’re in the South American one). The North American branch was killed off. A prisoner from there either escaped or was broken out. The African branch killed themselves. The Asian branch is dying out. There’s only Europe, Antarctica, South America, and Australia left. Melydice raises an eyebrow at Arquette. I can hear her say “I told you so”.

We’ll get a message in late April to get our clearances, whatever that means. We’re also supposed to get “mandated therapy sessions” as well. I also don’t understand what that means, but I don’t care either. Because of the list of 20 we gathered, we got paid well. Very well. And most importantly, I can finally go home.

My flight home isn’t until tomorrow, so I’m writing this from my hotel room while lying on my bed. To be honest, I don’t know why I wrote this. I thought this would’ve been like those books you like to read. But even if you were here and I was stuck in Helvetia, I would never show this to you. It’s sick. And I’ll get killed for that, too.

I guess I can’t help it. Maybe in another world where all this was just make-believe, you would’ve liked reading these. And it’s always nice to write to you. It’s like you’re still here, listening to me. And I would really like you to be here right now.

---

Amaia, Melydice, Tatsu, and Yona belong to and were played by other @daruqin, @katastrofish, @mintrhine, and @inkysatell respectively. Arquette and Fisher belong to and were played by our game master @theroyalzealot.

This campaign session was based on the scenario "The Signal Smugglers" by mellonbread.

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viraaja · 2 months ago

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Viraaja, firstly, congratulations on your upcoming release!!! I was just wondering, do you have any tips on writing?

I find myself with ideas, but when I sit down to work on them I struggle so much writing anything.

It's mainly sentence structure and prose/style that stumps me along with the inability to put down what I'm thinking. If you have any advice, that would be greatly appreciated - I've always admired your skill and motivation (considering how many lengthy fics you've posted) xx

Aww, thank you so much Anon!! To think we're only 2 weeks away from TCATHOE being out in the world??

I'll be entirely honest that I struggle with the same roadblocks. Some days are better than others and what really helps me is reading work by authors I admire or something of my own that I really am proud of right when I sit down to write. It may just be a few paragraphs of a fic or a book but I will dive in just get into the rhythm of the words and then open my file and go to work. Something about that just jump starts the whole flow state for me. Audiobooks do the same thing. Hearing the words spoken aloud is an even better way to get a feel for their rhythm, and soon you will develop that internal "voice" which is when everything starts writing itself.

Also, try not to edit as you go. I use [bracket notes] to insert thoughts into my document of stuff I want to come back to and they pop up very organically, even if it's like [find a better word for this]. It's the flow state you're seeking and anything that pulls you out risks breaking it! So try not to get caught up on the little stuff :) You can prettify things after!

At the end of the day everyone's got their own process and even that might change over time. Try to write a little bit each day and soon you will have formed a habit and that is going to help you more than anything else ever will!

I always feel like I ramble when it comes to this stuff, but I hope you find something helpful here 💜💜💜

#my writing #TCATHOE #my process #writing stuff

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sapphosremains · 3 months ago

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hellooo ^^

so i am a "baby christian", as you put it. basically, a while ago i was super on fire for God, was actively trying to build a relationship with Him, generally feeling a lot more at peace. but now i feel like i've relapsed back to my old ways ("not having time" to read the Bible, behaving more like an atheist than a Christian, even doubting His existence). especially the last one, I don't think that He's real anymore and I've never actually felt His love like other Christians say they have. obviously i don't want to feel like this bc i genuinely want to have a good relationship with him, but im stuck. any ideas? (thank u sm!!)

Hello lovely!

This makes so much sense and again, have definitely been in the same place. I'll address what you've said bit by bit, then more generally.

So, practical things first. Download a Bible app and turn on verse of the day notifications, then even if you don't open your Bible, or click on the notification, you'll skim read it when it comes up, and no matter how little time you have, you've read a bit of the Bible. Something little and easy is always better than nothing.

Habit is also a big part of all of this, both in finding time for things and in it becoming automatic. The most crucial things about habits are them being easy and often. You might have to think about these things at first, but put in the pathways for them to be automatic and it'll become easier. Here are some examples -

Wanting to read the Bible more (more than my suggestion above):

Carry a pocket Bible/app -> practice turning to it for questions or concerns -> eventually do it automatically

Wanting to act more Christian than atheist (we'll get into this more deeply in a minute):

eg practice crossing yourself as a quick prayer (eg at an ambulance, in difficult situations when you need guidance, when you need patience etc etc) until you do it automatically

Try to turn negative, 'unchristian' habits to more positive ones. Or even replace neutral or positive non-religious habits with religious habits. For example, I used to struggle with really bad anxiety. I used to handle this with bad habits, then I got into a positive habit of saying calming things, and now this is saying the Apostle's Creed etc. Obviously this might not be the most useful advice for someone with OCD say, but take and leave what's helpful for you. Similarly, maybe say a creed or a prayer or a psalm (something you can memorise and associate with calmness) maybe if you're quick to anger etc.

Now, more philosophical and less practical things. Coming from my religious perspective, works are the fruit of the spirit - ie behaving 'more christian', whatever that means to you, will come from 'within' and what you believe. Both acting more Christian as in doing more Christian ritualistic acts (crossing oneself, reading the Bible, etc) will come from a deeper, more practiced relationship with your faith so that you feel a need for these things, and acting more Christian in terms of kindness, patience, generosity etc will also come from a slow shifting of your beliefs as you develop your faith. One practical piece of advice I can give on this is, if you can, join a church. Both sides of this rub off on you from being surrounded by people acting how you would like to act. The opposite applies as well, and it's probably why you're finding it difficult - we're constantly being influenced by worldly, non-Christian influences, so of course it's difficult to buck the trend and lead a different life. Be gentle with yourself :)

I'll try and address your question on doubt and unbelief generally, but if you want to be more specific about your situation feel free to reach out again, on here or in messages. The persistence of your desire to have a relationship with Him despite doubt tells me that you have a root belief somewhere. As I don't know your exact reasons why, it's tricky to say much, but I can suggest that doing everything I've suggested so far will help. Pray, even if you think no one's listening, even if you just take it as a meditative practice without belief behind it. Pray however feels right for you - kneeling at an altar or chatting while you do stuff. If you can't approach God, approach St Mary, or a saint you feel is approachable (really powerful post on this here). Open your heart to other ways God is communicating with you. The chances of the Holy Spirit descending with a big sign saying 'I'm real, do this' is low, but I think this is secretly what part of us expects! But God speaks to us through other people, through subtle guiding of our life, through signs, and everything else. He will work in us, should we open our hearts. Don't put pressure on yourself to believe. Things come with time.

Faith is a long and difficult journey, so as above, be gentle with yourself and do reach out to me or others on here who might be helpful. If you want to believe, you've got a hard bit sorted!

Bless you x

#progressive christianity #lgbt christian #religion #queer christian #theology #christian #christianity #musings

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blissfullyecho · 2 years ago

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I have an absolutely appalling sleep schedule. I have to wake up every morning at around 6:30 for classes, but my problem lies in my bedtime. I go to sleep around 1-2 and end up tired all day. I usually read my romance novels or scroll through reels or YouTube shorts during this time. I really want to change my habits but I'm having difficulty cutting the scrolling habit and the urge to reach for my phone at night. I can't even turn it off because I live alone. any ideas how I can change this?

breaking the habit of endless scrolling before bed

find your reason as to why you are reaching on your phone

the questions you should ask yourself is 1) when do i pull out my phone? 2) what am i searching when i reach for my phone? 3) why do i feel the need to reach for my phone / why am i attached to it?

the first question you may or may not have an answer straight away. it might take you a couple nights of picking up your phone in order for you to answer that question, which is fine, habits take time to break. so first consider how long you typically go without picking up your phone before bed. are you able to stay off your phone for 20 minutes or is it more like five minutes? the next thing you should ask yourself is what are you looking for when you pick up your phone. are you looking at specific content like personal development, fitness, studying, cooking, etc.? or are you looking to see how many story views, likes, and comments you got on social media? are you stalking your ex? are you trying to find another way to be entertained because you’re not being entertained? you have to be real with yourself first and foremost and interrogate yourself and get to the bottom line. again, you might not find an answer immediately, but eventually you will. lastly, you need to ask yourself why do you feel the need to pull your phone out. are you bored and you’re looking for entertainment, are you stressed and the first thing you do is reach for your phone whenever a little bit of anxiety hits? basically, tap into those emotions and those feelings the next time you feel the need to reach for your phone and ask yourself why am i doing this right now? feel free to go back to this question and reread my answer and ask yourself those three questions. this is a way for you to get to know yourself better, and to be more mindful of your actions.

is it a lack of being entertained?

if you find that you’re not necessarily being entertained, you have to understand that you shouldn’t be entertained before bed. being entertained doesn’t allow you to wind down, relax, and eventually get a good nights rest. i don’t know if you have kids, but if you had a small child and they said to you that they couldn’t go to sleep because they’re distracted because of a toy that they really want to play with, you would tell them ‘no, you can play it tomorrow. go to bed’ because there’s no need for anyone to be entertained before bed. this is a time where you can look into reparenting yourself or to talk to yourself like a parent talks to their child. parents don’t say no because they don’t want their kids to have fun, they say no because they know what’s best for them. something that has recently worked for me when I’m trying to wind down but I still want to be entertained, is i take out my journal and whatever i want to watch on youtube, let’s say it’s personal development, i will write down a script as if I am a youtuber and that gives me the benefit of being entertained while also winding down because writing is very relaxing. you might also try making bullet journals, adult coloring books, or maybe listening to an audiobook. these ideas help you relax your mind, but also keep you a little bit entertained until your eyes get heavy.

is it a stress/anxiety coping mechanism?

i don’t know about you, but sometimes whenever i am in an uncomfortable situation, i reach for my phone because it feels like a safety net. if this is you, find other ways to ease your anxiety, and to ease your stress. this might be going on youtube and listening to a sleep meditation. maybe you want to do a stretching session that you can do in bed to relax your muscles. if you’re struggling with stress and anxiety before bed, you need to look for other ways to cope.

what can you do instead?

1) listen to an audiobook

2) adult coloring books

3) writing / journaling / bullet journaling

4) meditation

5) daydream / mental stories in your head

6) exercise a couple hours before bed

7) keep apartment/dorm/house/room dimly lit for a few hours before bed to trigger the “night time” sleep response from your brain

8) ***this really helps me*** i have a song i play about an hour before bed and now whenever i hear the song, i yawn because my body knows it’s time for sleep.

but most importantly, you have to find what’s best for you. so tonight or anytime you feel the need to reach for your phone before bed, stop yourself and ask “why am i doing this? what emotions am i feeling that triggers this? what am i looking to gain while being on my phone right now?” and don’t say “nothing”!!!! there IS a reason for everything, you just have to find it. then once you do, you should find alternatives to help get passed the phone habit.

i hope i helped! 🤍

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goldenbloodytears · 9 months ago

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Got me thinking after the last (one of??) question you've answered. How do you picture the day Danny killed the senior Johnson and the aftermath of it?

Good question. I don’t have the entire thing sketched out in my head but here’s a rough outline of the ideas I’ve had banging around inside my skull for a while.

The tome does all but outright say that Danny killed his old man on a wild impulse… so following along with that, I think it was an “accident” too.

I put the rest under a read more since I think it got a little long haha

I think Danny had long prior developed a fantasy where he would kill his dad, one where he thought out all the little minute details based on his dad’s habits. I don’t know if he would have physically written anything down plan-wise, but I view it as the originating behaviour of his later impulse and style of stalking, he just became more organized about it once he knew he would be purposefully hunting people later.

I think the situation leading up to the event was something like this. The old man tells Danny they’re going on a hunting/camping trip, whatever plans Danny has made previous to this does not matter—he is expected to drop them. They take a long drive out to the middle of nowhere, and it’s tense and awkward. They get where they’re going, setup everything…. And eventually they get into an argument. Possibly one which elevates into a physical altercation and Danny ends up pulling his knife.

I had the particularly unhinged thought last night of whether his old man would be proud of Danny attacking him or at least suddenly try to comfort him “it’s okay son it’s an accident” while he’s bleeding the fuck out in the middle of nowhere… this is admittedly where my ideas start to break down and get fuzzy.

The next part I’m not sure about, but I can see Danny trying to rig the scene afterwards… despite the fact it’s an accident. This is assuming he doesn’t just go into shock for a bit. I don’t think he would know what to do here, nor am I super sure either. Would he leave to try to flag down the cops or attempted medical help if his dad wasn’t quite dead yet? Idk.

There’s an entire alternate scenario in which Danny just buries his dad in the woods and then fucks off to new life, but that feels a little too… I’m not sure if it’s easy, but it feels rather fanciful? I kinda feel like it’s the story he would tell to make himself sound badass.

So I feel like either way he probably got caught that first time. Maybe his dad had invited some old friends of his for the thing but they only show up later to a dissociated bloody Danny and his dead dad a couple feet away.

I should probably note that I’ve been considering this incident as happening while Danny is an older teen or young adult. Within the 17-21 range. Mostly because I think part of their argument would be related to Danny’s plans for the future and his dad wanting him to follow in his footsteps.

If we do go with the outcome where he gets charged, then he ends up calling his mom to bail him out—he’s pretty understandably freaking out at this point as the reality sets in. She flys out and immediately takes over in being the mom he hasn’t had for years; she’s the one who takes care of his legal fees and finding him a really good defence lawyer. I think I’ve said it already but his mom feels massively guilty about the situation.

There’s a couple potential outcomes to the situation here, and also some things to note.

I think the resulting legal trial would be Danny’s first taste of the media’s interest in bad news on a personal level, deeper than the “oh look more bad news” when you’re watching the local news at six kinda deal. I don’t picture it gaining much more than local publicity however.

Then you have where he might get charged with a lesser count like manslaughter, rather than homicide (this is related to my thoughts about him writing out his fantasies earlier… a good prosecutor would be able to argue he had criminal intent if his writings were found, whereas a lack of prior documentation heavily pushes the legal narrative more towards voluntary manslaughter by way of emotional distress)…. regardless of what he gets charged with, I’m a little stumped as to whether he could get a full acquittal or not.

The outcome I like is where he does get an acquittal (or extremely lenient sentencing), but his mom still has Danny move in with her and the family she’s got going, and there’s a brief period where he’s going to therapy or taking self-help classes (once again paid for by mommy dearest). Everything looks normal for a bit (I think the sudden “normalcy” drives him a little crazy tbh) and he gets his first journalism job at a paper… only to end up having the epiphany that the best way for him to get anywhere in the news world is to create the news himself.

He makes the conscious decision to go forward with what he’s doing at this point, after all, isn’t he hunting humans like his old man wanted him to do?

The only contention I have is that a criminal record could make things complicated, but at the same time explains some of his idiosyncrasies—like why is his background entry for dbd so obsessed with him not leaving any dna?? Well, maybe because he already has finger prints saved in a local law agency somewhere. Why does he use fake identities? Because he has a crime associated with his legal one, and because it provided more “protection” for what he’s doing.

At the same time, I think having a near brush with the law, one where he was lucky enough to escape without a criminal record, is enough to also explain the same things.

As a final thought, he definitely carries guilt about his dad’s death, like… his lore is pretty clear that he feels like his old man deserved a “better design” which makes me wonder if the original plan he had was a lot more… peaceful for Johnson senior to experience, or whether that’s just the reflection of “wow that really sucked” and not living up to the idealized fantasy he built in his head.

Also random trivia bit but I think he calls his mom on her birthday every year and tells her about how his life is “going” (probably making it sound way better than it is). She’s always chiding him to come visit and to call more often bc she loves and misses him.

#danny johnson #dbd ghostface #ghostface #dead by daylight #danny jed olsen johnson #dbd lore #dbd headcanons #dbd

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