#I AM TIRED OF THE HATING ON MY GIRL LOLA

[rootbeerl0ver]

If Lola has thousands fans, Im one of them. If Lola has one fan, Im that fan. (SORRY FOR NOT POSTING I don’t really feel well ☹️ physically and mentally but yeah >w< also ignore the glitches, Capcut was kicking me in the ass)

[crazykitsch]

Can you do a jealous Fermin one pls, it starts a little angsty but ends in fluff 🙏🏻 I’ll leave it to your imagination

Fermin Lopez: you & me

pairing: fermin lopez x reader

warnings: none

❝I don't care about your first love. This should be your last one. Nothing like your last one. You look better on me, that's fashion.❞

I am not the jealous type. Atleast.. I like to think i’m not, others might disagree.

However my boyfriend, Fermin, sure does know how to make me jealous. I know he doesn’t do it on purpose, but it does sometimes (always) get to me when I see him and his ex girlfriend Valerie (who was also his first girlfriend). They broke up about 1,5 year ago and still remained friends.

I honestly just don’t get it, whats her deal? Me and Fermin are perfect for eachother and look great together. No need for her to butt in.

Right now we’re at Lewandowski’s house for a lunch for all Barca players and their girlfriends. Somehow Valerie is here since Pedri is single and he’s good friends with her so he invited her.

Im sitting next to Fermin and right next to him is, ofcourse, Valerie.

I AM a girls girl but I really do fucking hate her, sorry. I feel like she knows whats shes doing and how to get on my nerves. Should I name an example? Right now she is ‘talking’ with Fermin. Any person who doesn’t know them would definitely assume they’re a couple. But they’re not. I am sitting here, talking to no one, while being on my phone just scrolling on Instagram, I don’t know what to do.

I suddenly hear an annoying voice giggle so I immediately look at Valerie. I see her and Fermin laughing together at God knows what and she leans towards his shoulder and rests her head there. What the fuck. Now i’ve seriously had enough of her bullshit. How does Fermin not notice she’s still into him?

I sit here for a minute thinking of all the things I wanna do to her AND him. I decide to not do anything right now and instead I get up and go to Robert Lewandowski, I say goodbye to him and a few of my friends here and grab my jacket. Fermin has the car keys but I do not feel like talking to him so I just walk home. It is a 30 minute walk and as im walking I start to think about everything. I suddenly start crying and text my friend

~

PRIVATE CHAT: lola <3 & y/n 🎀

y/n 🎀:

lola?

lola

lola

please answer

lola <3:

hi

hi

hi

whats wrong bb

y/n 🎀:

im literally so fucking done

are you home?

walking in your street

lola <3:

walking ??

y/n come over now

~

My tears have stopped and I knocked on Lola’s door. She opens it very quickly and lets me in. ‘Y/n what happened?’ she says and I can’t help but cry again. It might seem dumb to other people but I just really don’t like it when others try to take what belongs to me. ‘Lunch at Lewandowski’s, fucking Valerie getting on my nerves again, Fermin doing nothing.’ I say. We walk into her living room and sit on her couch. She hugs me as she says ‘Boys are really stupid, you know? Especially Fermin. He has such a pretty, smart, amazing girlfriend.’ I don’t know what to say so I just nod and hug her. ‘Do you want to spend the night?’ she asks and I nod again.

We just sit there watching tv and i’ve calmed down a bit. Right now it’s almost dinner time so we decide to cook pasta together. During dinner I suddenly remember I haven’t updated Fermin at all..

‘Do you think I need to text Fermin? I didn’t tell him where exactly I was going.’ I asked, I know I probably should but I don’t know if im ready for an argument. ‘If you’re ready for that you should.’ Lola says. I take a minute to think about it and say ‘I’ll do it tonight.’

It’s currently 8pm and me and Lola are on the couch watching a movie. We’re both so tired that after an hour we accidentally fall asleep. Stupid. I know.

I wake up the next morning and see that it’s 6am. I wake up Lola and say ‘Did I text Fermin? Or did I forget?’ okay now i’m really stressed. ‘Ehm.. I dont know, I think you didn’t’. ‘Fuck!’ I grab my phone and the first thing I see are all his notifications..

~

PRIVATE CHAT: fermin 🩷 & y/n ❤️

fermin 🩷:

where did you go to?

is it because of Val?

fermin 🩷:

just got home, where are you?

fermin 🩷:

im worried

fermin 🩷:

okay youre not funny anymore

where are you

fermin 🩷:

come home now y/n

fermin 🩷:

its midnight. please come home

fermin 🩷:

alright i’ll take it as a sign youre not coming home

~

Oh my god. I’m so stupid??? I show Lola the texts and she tells me to hurry and go home so I do.

She gives me a ride to my house and right now im standing in front of our door. I hesitate for a second but then I knock and I see Fermin standing there. Before I can even figure out what to do or say he pulls me into a hug and says ‘I’m so grateful you’re okay dont do that again please.’ I don’t know how to react. What I did WAS a bit wrong, but he’s not innocent either. Should I mention that i’m still mad? Or should I just let it slide? But if I let it slide Valerie will only get more and more touchy and comfortable with him..

‘Fermin?’ I say as I pull out of the hug. ‘I left yesterday because i’m so fucking tired of you and Valerie. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed but that girl is still into you. She knows exactly how she can get on my nerves and she never fails to do so. I don’t want to be that girl to make you pick sides but I would really appreciate it if you, my boyfriend, would see how she’s acting and tell her to stop.’

I can tell he doesn’t really know what to say. Before I can say something he says ‘Y/n Valerie is a friend of mine, nothing more. If she really does bother you i’ll break all contact with her right now because I don’t want you to go away anymore.’ I see him grabbing his phone and I can see he’s removing her number and unfollowing her on everything. I mumble a little ‘Thank you’ and he says ‘If you feel like that again please just tell me and if i deny it keep telling me, alright?’ I nod yes and hug him again.

It’s now a few hours later, 11 pm, and Fermin needs to go to Ciutat Esportiva Joan Camper for football training. ‘Y/n do you want to come along? Your support brings luck.’ he says and I smile and nod yes.

When we arrive there I see my friend Mikky and sit next to her. All of a sudden she says ‘How are things between you, Fermin.. and Valerie?’ I laugh and say ‘Me and Fermin are good now, Valerie is still the same bitch she was before.’ We both laugh while we sit there watching our boyfriends train.

After training, which took them like 3 hours we go home. He says he’s all sore and hurt but im pretty sure he’s just saying that so we can cuddle which I dont mind. I’m sitting on the couch as he lays on top of me.

‘Was fun watching you train today.’ I say as I start playing with his hair, ‘You were talking with Mikky the entire time though.’ he says. I kiss his head as I say ‘Needed to catch up.’ I can hear him hum and notice he’s been getting a bit more tired. I turn on the tv to watch my favorite show and notice Fermin has fallen asleep. I smile and kiss him one more time before fully concentrating on the show.

A/n: I’m soooo sorry this took longer than expected. I’ll try my best to work on more requests today!!

[rosewoodconch]

RWCH Readathon Days 13-14?

Undercover Princess: Ch. 40-45

Mega liveblog

Ill be honest. I'm really ill: but i am on a bus for 2 hours. So: heres a really porrly written summary of like... the lead up to the ball

Ch. 40

"Promise you'll also be happy"

Well...

Shes happy sometimes?

I really like that again we see that question of jamies origin which doesnt seem so important until youve read everything else

Ill be honest, i usually skip the valentines day bits

Lola is an icon, shes right. Jamie not liking cupcakes is blasphemous

And ellie getting lottle the flowers her name was named for is really sweet and i miss this era of them when it was so easy to fix

Also that note is so incredibly stupid and yes its a threat but also imagine jamie in his room making up the rhyme

"They might take ellie away" GIRL YOUR JOB IS TO PROTECT HER NOT TO KEEP HER FOREVER. Go read the diary again cmon

Ch. 41

Exams! The ball! Finally we hear more about the ball. Its crazy that they get results that quickly

Lottie having nightmares about failing her exams is... oh this poor girl

Shoutout to angus the most scottish person here i love him

Binah is so funny. I absolutely hated people who reacted like that in school

I'm so proud of Lottie like genuinely because after all of the chaos, shes still done incredibly

I was that one sobbing ivy girl ngl. I litterally appealed my b in nat 5 physics because i was convined i deserved a A. I didnt

Ollies messages was so sweet. I missed him so much. He deserves so so so much better. I wish he was able to know things but hes so right to be concerned and hurt. Then "have a good life"

Heartbreaking

Ch. 42

DRESS SHOPPING i probably dont have many thoughts other than OMG DRESSES AND SHOES so sorry in advance

Lèon is an icon and i love him

"I never like to be predictable" YES LOTTIE HARNASS THE SASS

Hes so real with the day and night hes all of us

I really wish ellie got to wear a suit here, it wouldve contrasted so perfectly to the book 5 ball

THE SHOES OH MY GOD THE SHOES

Ellie telling jamie to "just leave" is such a horrible awful thing to have said knowing all we know on reread.

Ch. 43

Jamie lore

I like that we get this explanation before the ball. Because rereading we can see how much the "normal" route relates to ani and saskia and it makes us wonder about who else could be

Jamie is different

The fake story of Hirana, and all of the information about her being lied about not just to ellie, but to jamie too, is so so sad.

Ellie wants nothing but Jamie and her to have normal lives. For them to not be connected in this way. "Everyone should get to choose"

I really love that thats echoed in the ending of the series.

Ugh again with the trust. How often do we hear them go we need to trust each other then lottie hides more stuff again. Im tired lottie.

The Cinderella moment 😭😭😭😭

Ch. 44

Let it be known that in the audiobook connie says Queen Matilda

Her "Real Room" makes me so so happy and i cannot wait to eventually read about it again.

In fact does Lottie ever see it!??!?!?! Someone tell me

See this is what i mean about the trust thing.

Im sorry but if a girl i had a crush on pinned me against the wall, said to tell her a secret or shed bite me i think id pass out

"Youll be mad at me" well no shit sherlock

Jamie is an icon and i love him. Never change

Ch. 45

"I cant promise not to be mad, but I'll hear you out" is so eloquent and I'll always have that in my mind

Creepily similar? A resemblance perhaps?

Ellie lying to try and help lottie is sweet but scary. Because how often does she do this?

I really do think that underneath he is pained for lying to his queen. But not just because hes loyal to her, or that it is his job, but also the queen is nurturing and kind and i think he does internalise that

Lottie defending herself to jamie is so painful

I love the difference between jamie "acting pained" and then the following

For anyone who isn't using the audiobook, i want you to understand how terrifying it is when it switches pov here. Because the whole book has been connie, for the prologue was her mum.

But here, theres a male voice. Jamies va.

Jamie recognising all the palace staff is really sweet

The fact that he has such a routine, hes been trained to hide his emotions from everyone including himself.

And the simple sentence of "he broke down" honestly cuts deeper than if it had been fully elaborated. Its so simple. And thats why its so powerful. He cant even cry and feel comfort. He has to retreat away from everyone and everything

Next chapters are the ball and everything so I'll probably do another mega liveblog for those ones!

Its just easier when I'm ill to group them like this!

[jeaninthephilippines]

Fri-Yay

Today I did the terrible thing of opening an angry text from my Papa right when I woke up. It put my blood pressure up, kickstarted a stress spiral, and really plummeted my self esteem.

It's not my dad being mean to me that makes me sad, it just reminds me how mean I COULD BE, when I am not paying attention. I decided to take the non-engaged route (instinctively I advocate and fight for myself). I just could not fall back to sleep.

(Think happy thoughts...like my Lola feeding a stray cat at the end of the day)

___

My mom embark on the journey to cut my hair, buy groceries, find spare glasses, and book our family photo.

Here's us at brunch (also notice the size of this frappe. There's no such thing as super-sizing as a norm here in the Philippines):

___ Errand time! Haha

GLASSES...

The staff tried to trick me into paying 3 times more for frames. I didn't work retail and food for 10 years to get played by some sales ya'll! They couldn't fulfill my progressive prescription because they didn't have the technology to make it thin. More things we take for granted as a convenience in America.

FAMILY PHOTO...

We go and book a family photo and because business is so slow for the photography studio, they were like come in any time on Monday. Okayyyy, the grumpy customer service person in me, was like, if we come on Monday and there's a line... I'm going to be angry... (me still carrying fumes from my dad-text-fight).

HAIR CUT...

In America, I usually hate having my hair cut by my own people (Asians) because they love telling me to straighten my hair. The hairdresser straightened my hair to cut it which contrasts the washing of hair before a haircut in the US. I just feel like it has to do with conservation of water (a theory I made). They don't soak your feet in a foot sink either, but in a small bucket (also water conservation theory?) during your pedicure. But it does super knock down the price. A standard haircut is between $20-$50 in America. Today ours was $6 with about a $4 tip. And my hair does look great despite it being flat. I worry and am excited what it will look like back in its bruha form (beloved big hair girl for life!). When they told my mom in Tagalog to straighten my hair, she said, "Oh no, she's a feminist."

It's the short way of her saying, my daughter has complex social attitudes at your complicities into colonialism by not succumbing to Western Beauty norms (White, Straight, Thin).

In short, I just look like a big, ignorant, unkept, asshole. A cross I am willing to bear in this life happily.

GROCERIES

There are so many employees dedicated to their sections that there is literally no crossover when another employee is overwhelmed, tired, or in need of help. I used to work in a grocery and we'd always be ready to come together in numbers. The cashier (like so many here) took a long time bagging groceries and ringing them up. I take my mom's recyclable bags and just bag them quickly to help her out. Her coworker comes around and is thankful for my help. She tells my mom in Tagalog, she must be from the US since she bags her own groceries. And when I looked at all the registers, all the customers happily don't bag and patiently wait for the employees to do the work. In this moment, I did feel so American, and it wasn't a bad feeling. It was a feeling of independence. Not bagging your own things is a status symbol here in the Philippines. I cannot bring myself to adopt the disparity.

___

Below will be the straightest my hair will ever be and it makes my mom extremely happy to look put together.

My radical hair will return! Bwahahahaaa

[murobrown]

Hello!

This is the last time I’m going to annoy you with my festival experience, I promise. I’m just so happy right now. I can’t stop talking about it. It’s a paradise on Earth. I forgot about the rest of the world for a while and it felt incredible. Nothing else matters, just music.

First day was short because we arrived pretty late (not my fault but my shitty friend). But I was still able to get a place at front row for The 1975. It was something beautiful. And I swear Matty looked at me and I think we’re in love now. And yes I cried like a baby while singing Always Wanna Die. There’s just something very emotional while screaming this chorus from the top of my lungs. I felt like a biggest loser in that crowd full of so many beautiful and stylish people but I still had so much fun. 

And I had a chance to see Skepta. I nver liked his musich that much but I liked seeing him live (shame my friend was tired and forced me to go to sleep at midnight so I didn’t even see his full set).

The biggest star of my second day was Mac Demarco. I never seen any musician enjoy their work so much. Boys had no crew and did all reharsing themselves and it was so interesting to see them in action. It all felt like just being with them at their studio, just having fun. 

And I will never forget the last day. The biggest star was Liam Gallagher. I didn’t catch a place at front row as I planned but second row still isn’t that bad (but it’s hard when you have 150 cm). He sang mostly Oasis songs but also both his new songs. I was singing so loud, I feel bad for people that were around me. And I cried while Champagne Supernova and it feels much better crying to it live. And Liam told us that we’re beautiful :) And there was a cute guy next to me and we kept bumping into each other and every time he gave such a cute smile. 

Even bigger fun begat at L.I.F.E concert. If you don’t know them please listen to them if you enjoy british punk. My friend left me there on my own because it was ToO LoUd for her :))) But I was at the front row drooling over shirtless Maz. And here comes the best part!!! After last song he stayed down with the crowd and we could take pictures with him and shake his hand. So stretched out my hand and suddenly I felt his sweaty hand touch mine and all I could say was “Thank you, I love you” and Maz looked straight into my eyes and said “I love you too, baby”. And yeah I died right after. So I guess I’m taken now boys, sorry but I am faithful girlfriend. 

Last day ended with Little Big concert. It was in a rather small tent. Me and my friend found nice places in the middle which turned out to be pretty bad idea as whole place was packed with people and no oxygen. Welll, and as music started everyone began to jump and dance and what a surprise I ended up on the floor within one minute. Luckily some guys helped me to get up. As I said...concerts are hard when you’re short. So I enjoed them from distance. And crawling on the floor was still pretty funny experience.

Yes I loved it so much and I had such a great time but I am sure I would enjoy it even more with right people. The thing is that none of my friends are so passionate about music as I am so it always ruins the fun. I mean...who goes to sleep at midnight at festival? Me and my friend have very different opinions about everything and we’re pretty much polar opposites but she was the only human willing to survive three days with me. I love her a lot but I need to find new friends for next year, the best would be some bigger group. Nevermind I am talking abut things I didn’t enjoy while there are so many things I enjoyed.

I took this pictute on the last day, as I woke up before leaving. Yes I look like a hobo, but I haven’t been this happy for years (probably two years ago at this festifal when I saw Jake). It really made me realize that music is the thing that makes me go on, it’s the thing I want to live for. And I also realized that I need new friends that would share my excitement. I just hope I’ll meet some brave volunteers until next year.

Sorry for this loooong nothing but I am still happy and excited and I need to share this with everyone I meet. Sorry for my face and thank you if you read this. I wish you all to see your favourite artists live and get as close to them as you can, get butteflies in your stomach and happy tears in your eyes. ♥

[starlitvalyria]

glasses;

© credits to the author, i found on pinterest. if you own it, let me know so i can add your @

bucky barnes x reader

part one ⸺ part two ⸺ part three

Summary: bucky sees you without makeup and wearing glasses for the first time

Requested by: @happydazzz123

Word count: 739

Warnings: extremely fluffy shit and mentions of insecurities

Author's note: thanks for the request, darling. it was lovely to write this, hope you like it!

english it’s not my first language so I’m deeply sorry for any mistakes or inconveniences. xoxo, lola

masterlist

join my tag list

request here

You and bucky met in the compound a couple of years ago, you were one of tony’s best hackers in the whole country, and when he needed help with something he called you.

After that day you started to hang out more at the compound, always trying to improve tech and helping the avengers with all you could.

Natasha and Wanda were the first friends you made, they were sweet and always trying to help you fit in and so you did. and in a short period, the compound became your home and the avengers your family.

The brunette super soldier became really comfortable around you after a couple of months, it started with you helping him with his vibranium arm, and when you noticed the two of you were hanging out together every damn time of the day.

The bond evolved smoothly, you two spent years as friends before realizing the different feelings for each other, but nothing stood in your way when you finally did.

You had a lot of insecurities, for example, none of the avengers has ever seen you without any makeup on or with your glasses, not even your boyfriend bucky. until one day.

F.R.I.D.A.Y was malfunctioning and nobody could figure out why, without being able to sleep you went to the lab in the middle of the night, your only goal was to put F.R.I.D.A.Y back online before everybody woke up.

The first thing that everyone that entered the lab would notice was the mathematical equations all over the place, a cup of coffee that was refilled every 10 minutes, and a hyper-stressed and full of energy girl.

You couldn’t understand what made the AI shut down, tony had said that that type of thing has never happened before. letting you fix it while he was on vocations with pepper and morgan was one of the hardest things he ever did, he hated when people would shove their noses on his tech but after Pepper’s threat, the man gave up and gave you the password to F.R.I.D.A.Y hard drive.

Two floors above you Bucky was sleeping peacefully, he had gotten home from a mission a couple of days ago and he would sleep for hours to recompose his energy. Even super-soldiers would get tired with the never-ending missions.

Bucky woke up and went to your bedroom, when he got there and saw the door open and the empty room he knew exactly where to find you.

You were staring at the board where most of your notes were, when you felt two big hands wrapping your waist and bringing you close. “what are you doing in the lab in the middle of the night?” with a raspy voice bucky whisper into your ear. 

You turn around to face him and he gets a little confused but lets you talk first.

“im just trying to fix F.R.I.D.A.Y i wanted her to be online before everybody wakes up but i am exhausted and i don’t even have a clue of what’s going on” you notice the confusion in bucky’s eyes “what’s wrong?” your question makes a smile appear on his face.

“nothing… it’s just that a didn’t know that you wore glasses…” you quickly take them of your face “HEY! why do you do that?” you turn your face to the other side, your body was filled with embarrassment.

“i don’t look good with glasses… and without makeup” bucky stood in front of you taking the glasses of your hands and putting them in your face then he cups your cheeks with his hand. 

“you look beautiful with glasses and even more beautiful without makeup” then he kissed every inch of your face, making sure that you knew how beautiful you were. 

The last kiss was planted on your lips, a soft and long kiss with the intention to transmit all the love he felt with a simple act. you couldn’t help yourself from giggling in the middle of the kiss.

“what you think about going to your room and trying to sleep a bit? you can fix F.R.I.D.A.Y tomorrow morning” you hugged bucky’s tall body resting your head in his chest 

“it’s an amazing idea” he kissed your head and you two walked out of the laboratory.

You had one of the best night of sleep of your entire life, it was impossible to be sad while wrapped in bucky’s arms.

©deadivyy

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[toonjazzy]

“Señorita Perfecta Sicillia”

Similar to “I Am Not Perfect”, in Lia’s Point of View

Hello there, I’m Sicillia (Or Lia). I’m writing about my experiences as a child since my Older Sibling did it a while ago, I’m not exactly good at writing as that’s my Twin’s thing so bare with me please.

Alright, to start, I’ll give a brief explanation so that this makes sense. I’m from a Latino family, I’m Autistic, I’m Gay, I grew up with 3 siblings and a whole bunch of cousins. Not all of them were that great though, seriously…they sucked! My childhood was pretty rough, there was a lot, my father died when I was 3 and a half and I barely even remember him…and then my mother died 6 years later. So, I’m not the only one with a bunch of siblings. My parents also had a bunch of siblings too, which meant more cousins. My favorite one is Harley, Tía Désireé and Tío Hades’ oldest child. We spent a lot of time together, especially after my mother died since Tía Desiree was my mom’s twin sister and we were under her care. But…we also had 3 cousins who we did not like AT ALL, Courtney, Deidre, and Lola. They were the worst. They ruined my childhood. And they ruined my self esteem. They fucked us up real bad, especially me and Devon…

To start, I was one of “Reagan’s perfect Daughters”, everybody thought I was perfect because I did what I was told and because I was quiet and ladylike. Even compared to Reese, I was the perfect child. I had even asked why I was “The Perfect one” and the answer was “Because Devon and Stacey are loud and unladylike, Reese is very ladylike and seems perfect but she has a temper, you on the other hand have no flaws” They had to point out the flaws in my sisters and my mother, they were from dad’s family though which makes sense considering they didn’t really like her. (Well except one of dad’s brothers and his mom) But yeah, I was “Perfect” and because of this, the bad cousins I mentioned earlier dragged me into their little “Club” and never let me out. And Harley was dragged in because I was always with them. They even had a list of reasons why I always allowed into the club which were “Perfect, pretty, wears pretty dresses, can fly, does ballet, plays violin”, I…don’t get how that makes anybody “Perfect”. Also they never knew I played Murder games back at home…I always had to hide my true self and it was tiring, I was jealous that Devon and Stacey never masked themselves but I didn’t wanna be judged all the time like they were. 

They would also say things like “Which boy do you think is the hottest”, I didn’t find them hot, I never found any boy “Hot”. I just always hated when they would say that they thought “I’d marry the most perfect man ever”, I never wanted to marry a man. I never exactly realized I was Gay until I was about 8. But when I was a kid, my mom would tell me about how she liked both men and Women, it never mattered to her. But back then she wasn’t exactly allowed to, she told me stories about this girl she secretly dated for 3 years when she was younger. She said only Tía Désireé and Tía Dulciana knew about it, but mi Abuelo found out about it because he found out Tía Dulciana was transitioning into a woman so he got mad and started snooping through all his children’s things and found all the secret love letters my mom had from her girlfriend, they were forced to break up. Hearing this story made me sad and I felt like being Gay was wrong. That’s why I was in denial for so long about being a Lesbian, I thought I’d be unaccepted…

Everything my family put me through was just awful. Apparently some of my family expected me to plan for a family at a very early age? I think I was about 9 when some of them would tell me to “Act like a lady”, I always thought it was cool how my mom had swords but mi abuelo said that he wished my mom was more ladylike and my mom said “I think it’s important for girls to learn how to defend themselves in a cruel world like this. Besides, swordfighting is really fun!”, I loved hearing my mom talk about that stuff, about how she stood up to her father when he said such hurtful words. I wish my mother hadn’t died, maybe she could’ve been the one I could talk with about my Queerness. Cause after she died, things began to get worse…

It was after I turned 10 that everything went to shit. That was when everybody (Or so I thought) told me I needed to grow up, they said I was too old to be wearing Twintails, too old to be crying, too old to have dolls, too old to watch cartoons. I even gave up my nickname “Lia” for a while so that I’d seem less childish. It sucked…a lot. I remember when my cousins started acting like bitches, Courtney broke my violin, and Lola and Deidre stole my Miku plushie and I’m pretty sure they ripped it up. Crimson apologized so many times for that, I felt bad for them, they actually had to spend every single day with those bitches. And when I was 12 they asked me if I had any crushes…on boys…and would say “When are you getting a boyfriend already”, like girl, slow the fuck down, I was only 12 years old. “Your Twin sister has a boyfriend already and you don’t! Reese found a boyfriend! Why don’t you and Devon have boyfriends already!?!?” Listen, I am not Reese or Stacey, and I didn’t have a boyfriend and was never getting one because I like Girls, got it? I. LIKE. GIRLS. And yet every time I would argue with them about it, they’d say some bullshit like “You’ll feel it eventually, you’ll fall in love and get married and have the perfect family” because nobody listened, I would often find myself crying in the middle of the night and barely even sleeping…

It wasn’t until recently that I started to be my true self again, my twintails are back and it makes me happy. My Miku plushies and my Paper Dolls are all over my room, my music box from my mother is still playing that comforting tune whenever I feel sad. Maybe it’ll be alright now, I don’t have to be “Señorita Perfecta Sicillia” anymore, I can just be Lia. Autistic Agender Sword Lesbian Lia…

[momowoah]

Rewatching GG 2.0!

And now, to episode 4

Why didn't the school board suspect it must be the other teachers keeping gossip girl? I mean, kinda obvious

The way Audrey and Aki worried about Max and tried to reach him during the whole week even after he revealed their secrets to each other...

Julien is good at improvisation

Don't Monet and Luna ever get tired of carrying the show on their backs with every word they say

They are even funnier rewatching

WAIT WAIT WAIT I RECOGNIZE THESE BAGS

THEY USED AN OLD SCENE FOR THE NEW TRAILER

THIS WAS IN THE NEW TRAILER!!!

I freakin' love Lola Morgan

The more I watch the more I am convinced that the shy and kind Aki that most people see it's totally not what he acts like and deep down he's just like every other character

"girl" "girl" "girl" Oh Obie

Julien's face lol

Is it just me or did Julien do a full 180° between the first (or first couple) episodes and the rest?

She's definitely growing on me anyway so

Not the point but God it has been so long since I last ate a waffle or a crepe Obie dude why must you tempt me like this

The way Obie knew Julien probably her entire life and dated her for who knows how many years but still didn't knew what the day meant

"Clack, ding. Clack, ding."

"Is that why you asked me if second cousins was incest? It isn't. I hope." Okay I might strongly dislike Jordan but he's funny sometimes

Kate prioritizing GG over her actual work... Bro

Luna is cute when she's lying

Again, Audrey and Aki caring for Max after promising their best friends they would stay away from him

"Who are you calling?" *Clearly Max's voice* "My mom"

Their "bye" was cute

Okay it's a fact I love hallway scenes

"Handful of our friends" you have absolutely no common friends??? She literally has no friends

"You want me to murder my sister?"

I just wish Julien and Zoya weren't being kept apart by basically everyone they know

Okay this episode is funny

Obie's "I don't think this is about a party" face

Like, why was he smiling?

Obie is fully willing to spend money on Zoya when it's him controlling what she wastes it on

Milo Sparks! Can't believe this is the same baby Georgina pretended was Dan's son and then ditched one day to go on a beach trip making Dan think she had left him for good

Eight grade is 10 yo in USA? In Brazil it's 13-14 yo

Georgina raised him right... by her standards at least

God I wish I could punch Rafa in the face now that I know it was all a game to him

Why is Kate so cheerful

Okay but I really want to see Zoya keep the outsider tradition and take over GG, or at least become aware of who it is

Georgina's wall having a giant picture of Blair Waldorf is still absolutely perfect

Audrey's smile looking at the options notebook <3 if I knew how to screenshot things on my computer I'd add the pics

Obie whose side are you on?

Idk why but I just hate how he tells Zoya who she is sm

Family reunion! Love the drama in those

For two people who hate each other Davis and Nick do not seem to hate each other at all

I want Zoya and Julien to be friends but I also love their fights aaaaa yes I regret saying they will never be the new Blerena bc while they really won't be they might be good frenemies after all

Zoya dong that hand thing synchronized to the music... Love it

Why is Keller yelling like girlie I know this is the magic of teen shows but people should be able to hear you

Why is Kate so obsessed with like a 17 yo?

Aki's face lmao

Another scene I have memorized ✌️

Milo being in no one's side, every scene makes me see just how much Georgina must be proud

Shhsjsjs I cannot listen to a word Obie says

I literally cannot watch this scene

Let me just put this on 3.0 speed so it's bearable

I still don't get why in hell did Lunet think showing the director's cut would be a good idea for anyone involved

Here comes my comfort Aki × Audrey scene <3

I really hope they never have a real fight, no matter whether or not they end up together

"For you to get your shit together before I find someone else to care about" just realized what he meant by this

Fck Bella!

Zoya crying breaks my heart

Friends!!!

Can't believe I didn't notice Julien still liked Obie

The exact moment I started to really loathe Rafa, again!

Time for second comfort Aki × Audrey scene

Calloways and Lotts bonding, love it

[macbetha]

So very excited to share this! It’s a playlist for my upcoming Free! fic, This Heart of Mine, the rewritten sequel to Eyes Wide Open All the Time. You can listen to the playlist on YouTube; this list simply helps define who or what a song represents to me. This list also includes some lyrics that you may want to pay special attention to. I recommend reading the lyrics by themselves before listening to the playlist. Mind you - some of these lyrics only act as symbolism. Some mean more. Some songs have connections. Some don’t. ;) *go girl give us nothing* List below! 

 THIS HEART OF MINE: PLAYLIST GUIDE 

Theme: Bring Me The Horizon feat. Halsey - In The Dark (MTLT / amo version) Oh so tall, it broke the fourth wall Guess our fairytale had a few plot holes Don’t you know you’ve lost control ↳ Honorable Mentions: ✧ grandson - Bury Me Facedown When I go into the ground I won’t go quietly I’m bringing my crown I won’t get tired Set the town on fire Thinking that they’ve won It’s only just begun  ✧ Lorde - Everybody Wants to Rule the World ✧ Ry X - YaYaYa ✧ Rihanna - Goodnight Gotham

CHARACTERS

✦ Haruka ✧ WDL - Monster vs Angel Got my own monster Nobody but me  Got my own angel  I would never call him enemy He’s the good god I need  But both of the sides Fight for me  ✧ Mumford and Sons - Broken Crown I’ll never be your chosen one In this twilight  How dare you speak of grace But in this twilight Our choices seal our fate I’ll crawl on my belly till the sun goes down I’ll never wear your broken crown  ✧ Lia Marie Johnson - DNA Dark as midnight 6 Pack Coors Light You don’t look the same Past my bedtime Blue and red lights come take you away I won’t be like you Fighting back, I’m fighting back the truth Eyes like yours Can’t look away But you can’t stop DNA 

✧ Cat Power - Sea of Love Come with me, my love To the sea, the sea of love ✧ Al Green - Love and Happiness (side note: this if my favorite song of all time) Love and happiness Something that can make you do wrong And make you do right 

✦ Makoto ✧ The Oh Hellos - Soldier, Poet, King There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword He will tear your city down Oh ley, oh lei, oh lord ✧ Labrynth - Still Don’t Know My Name I took your heart I did things to you only lovers would only do in the dark I made you a god Priests, popes and preachers would tell me I did wrong ✧ The Civil Wars - Devil’s Backbone Don’t care if he’s guilty Don’t care if he’s not He’s good and he’s bad and he’s all that I got Oh lord, I’m begging you, please Don’t take that sinner from me  ✧ Sleeping At Last - Make You Feel My Love (Cover) I could make you happy Make your dreams come true There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do Go to ends of the earth for you To make you feel my love  ✦ Sousuke ✧ Angel Haze - Detox You dance in a cage with some rats in it I’m about chemistry, you just react to me God might turn us to ash, baby I might just taste your last stars tonight  We were gods in a world that did nothing but doubt us But fuck it, I got us, from the dirt with the flowers Put in work in the shower ✧ Kaleo - No Good  You better start runnin’ When you hear the man coming It won’t do you no good Kiss your baby goodbye Come on love, it’s all right Heaven knows they wanna break you apart  ✧ The Oh Hellos - The Lament of Eustice Scrubb Brother, forgive me We both know I’m the one to blame When I touched the water They told me I could be set free ✦ Rin ✧ Halsey - Young God (Lullaby / Music Box Intro, Live from Webster Hall) Running, running, running And we’ll be running, running, running again ✧ SZA - Good Days Tell me I’m not my fears, my limitations I’ll disappear I gotta keep from losing the rest of me Chasing a fountain of youth that’s in the present I’ll await my armored fate with a smile Still wanna try, I still believe in good days ✧ Lola Blanc - Angry Too Does it get your blood boiling? Does it make you see red? Cause it gets my blood boiling It would eat you like poison if you knew what I knew I don’t wanna drink the venom they made me I don’t wanna be controlled by the past But boy, if you were me Could you really blame me?  ✧ Kendrick Lamar - u And if this bottle could talk: I cry myself to sleep, everything is your fault Because you shook as you knew confinement was needed I know your secrets Don’t let me tell them to world  About the shit you thinking  And the time that you - I’m ‘bout to hurl  I’m fucked up But I ain’t as fucked up as you ✧ Halsey - More Wooden floors, little feet Flower bud, concrete A little screen, a photograph Mine to take I still believe it won’t be like before I’ve loved you for all of my life ✦ Nao ✧ Johnny Hollow - Worse Things Anger grew like ecstasy And Leda threw the swan on me There are worse things, perverse things You should answer when the phone rings There are worse things I could do ✧ Young Heretics - Bones of a Rabbit You play with wolves But you sleep with the bones of the rabbit  You have conquered cities And torched the mighty sea You may keep yourself afloat But you cannot outswim me  ✧ Phantogram - Black Out Days (Future Islands Remix) Hide the sun  I will keep your face out of my mind  I’m hearing voices all the time And they’re not mine  Haunting my mind ✦ Natsuya ✧ Gang of Youths - Achilles, Come Down Remember your virtue  Redemption lies plainly in the truth Where you go, I’m going When you jump, I’m jumping There is no me without you  Today of all days See how the most dangerous thing is love ✧ Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love The stars, the moon They have all been blown out You left me in the dark ✦ Ikuya ✧ Penelope Scott - Cigarette Ahegao So like, I guess I call it the sophomore slump Always crying and always drunk A few dead, more gone, the rest well on their way Thanks! I hate it Everyone that I love is stuck Because this, that, the other, and the state fucked up We covered it in a class that I’m about to fail  ✧ 100 gecs, Laura Les, Dylan Brady - Money Machine Tell me what's the deal, I've been trying to go to bed I've been up for days, I've been trying to get ahead Said it all before, and I'll say it once again I'm better off alone ✧ Halsey - Clementine  Through a breakdown or a blackout Would you make out with me Cause I don’t need anyone I just need everyone and then some ✦ Hiyori ✧ Florence + The Machine - Seven Devils Holy water cannot help you now A thousand armies couldn’t keep me out I don’t want your money I don’t want your crown See I’ve come to burn your kingdom down ✧ Michael Buble - Feeling Good (Cover) It’s a new life for me This old world is a new world And a bold world for me Freedom is mine And I know how I feel I’m feeling good ✦ Asahi ✧ Sam Henshaw - Broke If I wasn’t broke Would you spend more time with me Like you said you’d do Tell me what I’m supposed to do Cause the only thing I need Is to be loved by you  ✧ Mikky Ekko - Smile Smile, the worst is yet to come We’ll be lucky if we ever see the sun ✦ Aki ✧ Aly & AJ - Church I did bad things, can’t you see it on my face? I get caught in every lie I need redemption for sins I can’t mention For all the things I can’t reverse For all the places where it hurts ✧ ZZ Ward - Ghost Here the devil call out my name I’ve broken promises, burning flame God knows, darling God knows I gave Now the truth cuts like a knife ✦ Nii ✧ Of Mice and Men - My Understandings  Keep in mind that I’m a sore eye With blurry vision  ✧ Neoni - Outlaw They say that I’m wanted Hear the whispers in the street You better start running Cause nothing scares me  Faster, faster You’re the one I’m after  You built a fortress But I’ll never kiss the ring I’m my own king

✦ Gou ✧ Melanie Martinez - Lunchbox Friends We can be friends if you wanna be But only till the clock hits three I don’t want no lunchbox friends, no I want someone that binds the ends, no Come to my house, let’s die together Friendship that will last forever ✧ Maroon 5 - Come to the Water Come away little light Come away to the darkness Away from the life that you always knew Come away little lamb Come away to the water To the arms that are waiting only for you ✦ Isuzu ✧ Jessie Reyez - NO ONE’S IN THE ROOM  Spent my whole life being graded, being told I’m not enough Being told go find the one and sit and wait for death to come I don’t want to I need to talk to God There’s things I just don’t understand Like who am I when no one’s in the room EMI - Bad Friends Yeah, I got some bad friends No you cannot have them If you wanna talk to them  You talk to me, yeah We don’t fuck around with just anybody, yeah

✦ Takuya ✧ Imagine Dragons - Ready, Aim, Fire Off in the distance, there is resistance Bubbling up and festering Here in the casing Shaking and pacing This is the tunnel’s light Blood in the writing, stuck in the fighting Look through the rifle’s sight ✧ Billie Eilish - you should see me in a crown (acapella) Bite my tongue Bide my time Wait till the world is mine, ocean eyes Count my cards Watch them fall  Blood on a marble wall You should see me in a crown I’m gonna run this nothing town Watch me make ‘em bow One by one ✦ Kinjou ✧ Urban Country - Knife and Stone Tell me, have you ever seen a mirror Mirror in the middle of the forest Just waiting for the rain or the crown I’ve been up for thirty days Someone point to lost and found Ain’t no blood in the temple Just a knife and stone

✦ Mikhail ✧ Elsie Lovelock - Friends on the Other Side (Cover) The cards, the cards The cards will tell The past, the present, and the future as well I got voodoo, I got hoodoo I got things I ain’t even tried And I got friends on the other side I hope you’re satisfied, but if you ain’t Don’t blame me You can blame my friends on the other side ✦ Ryuuji ✧ elbow - Grounds for Divorce I’ve been working on a cocktail Called Grounds for Divorce Down comes him on sticks but then he kicks like a horse There's a hole in my neighborhood Down which of late I cannot help but fall ✧ Mumford and Sons - The Enemy I am not the enemy It isn’t me, the enemy I came and I was nothing So why did you choose to lean on A man you knew was falling? ✦ Nadia ✧ Halsey - Castle (Orchestral Version) They wanna make me their queen  There’s an old man  Sitting on the throne  Saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut I’m headed straight for the castle

THEMES: GROUPS

✦ FREEBIRD ✧ Kaleo - Way Down We Go Oh father, tell me Do we get what we deserve They will run you down Down till you fall They will run you down Down till you crawl Till you can’t crawl no more And way down we go ✦ ROUGH RABBIT ✧  Imagine Dragons - Who We Are Up on the mountain Down in the king's den  It's who we are Doesn't matter if we've gone too far Doesn't matter if it's not okay Doesn't matter if it's not our day ✦ DIAMONDBACK ✧ Florence + The Machine - Bedroom Hymns This is good a place to fall as any We’ll build our alter here  In the wine, the women, the bedroom hymns Such selfish prayers, I can’t get enough I’m not here looking for absolution Because I’ve found myself an old solution

✦ HONEYBLADE ✧ Megan Thee Stallion and Normani - Diamonds I love me this much My pear-shape all dripped up He want me to be a little more lady-like? Come through with my girls and beat your ass on ladies night ✦ BLOODHOUNDS ✧ Angel Haze - The Wolves Nothing left out there for me  I left my fucking heart out at the sea This shit sounds like the danger zone  I’m the big bad wolf  Gonna take the throne 

THEMES: PAIRINGS 

✦ Makoto + Haruka ✧ Phoebe Bridgers - Smoke Signals One of your eyes is always half shut Something happened when you were a kid I didn’t know you then and I’ll never understand why It feels like I did ✧ Radical Face - Welcome Home Peel the scars from off my back I don’t need them anymore I’ve come home ✧ The Track Team - Heart Chakra ✧ Blackmill - Redemption ✦ Sousuke + Rin ✧ Kaleo - Bang Bang (Cover) Seasons came and changed the times I grew up, I called him mine He would always laugh and say: “Remember how we used to play? Bang, bang.” ✧ Zayn - Good Guy I’m not a good guy But I know you’re mine (bang) I know you’re mine (bang, bang) ✧ L'Orchestra Cinématique - Crazy In Love (Instrumental Cover)

✦ Natsuya + Nao ✧ Cosmo Sheldrake - The Moss But have you heard the story Of the rabbit in the moon? Halsey - Colors Your little brother never tells you But he loves you so I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old 

✦ Hiyori + Ikuya ✧ Elvis Drew - Where Are You  I been trying to figure out where you from Is it the moon? Is it earth? Is it this place, where nothing is worse?  Nothing can compare to the life we had My dear just grab my hand and let me take you To my wonderland ✧ Swae Lee - Sunflower Some things you just can’t refuse I’m not tryna lose

✦ Isuzu + Gou ✧ Snow Patrol - The Golden Floor I’m a peasant in your princess arms Penniless with only charm

[gleeblaineislife]

Glee- season 3 au one-shot/suicide note. by gleeblaineislife

I’m living a lie. Well, I was living a lie by now. My life was not perfect by any means, even though I acted like it was. I am not the bubbly, dapper schoolboy called Blaine Warbler. I am Blaine Devon Anderson and he is much different. Blaine Devon Anderson is an actor and Blaine Warbler is his character. I don’t remember what it’s like to be pure, unfiltered Blaine Devon Anderson. I don’t even know who that is. But that’s okay, since people wouldn’t like him. If anything he’s just a fucked up mess that no one wants to deal with. I get it. I don’t even want to deal with him. But, everyone likes Blaine Warbler. Blaine Warbler is charismatic, selfless, kind, confident, and a leader. All the things Blaine Devon Anderson isn’t... I am going to get this note started with an auto-biography so people can see just how my life was.

I was a mistake. My parents got drunk and went unprotected in July 1994. Nine months later, April 6th, 1995, I was born. My parents didn’t want to keep me, but Cooper (nine years old at the time) was ecstatic to be getting a sibling. And my parents would do anything for their perfect son. I didn’t have the best childhood. My parents worked a lot, so Cooper had to babysit me. Which means, some of my earliest memories are my brother telling me everything I was doing wrong. I was close to my lola, though. She lived in the Philippines, but when she was in America visiting my mama, I got her full attention. My lola taught me Filipino so I could speak to her better (Lola’s English was limited). Lola also made sure I took great pride in being half Pinoy. Then, my lola died when I was 7 years old. My mama and I went to the Philippines for her funeral. I remember Mama and I crying for hours together. Anyways, life went on. My bond with Mama was short-lived, which was an improvement from my non-existent one with my dad. Cooper moved out when he was eighteen and I was eight. My parents were disappointed when he went to L.A. to pursue acting. But, he was still their perfect son. 

I have always known I like boys in that way and not girls. I was twelve when I realized there was a name for that. Gay. And I knew that no one liked people that were gay. I was beyond upset that I was gay. I cried myself to sleep each night praying/begging for anyone to make me straight. Of course that never happened. It took 2 years and a lot of cuts on my thighs to accept that I was gay. I came out to my parents. My dad yelled. Mama cried. It was one of the worst days ever. In high school, somehow people found out I was gay. That led to countless insults, being the root of everyone’s jokes, and being shoved daily. I had no friends. I had no family. I had nobody. I started cutting everywhere that wasn’t visible through clothes. I tried to stay positive. I told myself that they would get tired of torturing me. That my parents would accept me. I thought one of those was coming true when my father came to talk to me. He was working less and he said he wanted to do something with me. I was so happy. When he presented the old car he wanted us to repair, I told myself it wouldn’t be that bad. It was. I’ve never been interested in cars and fixing one was incredibly boring. I knew what his true intentions were once he started talking to me about girls. I told him I was still gay and he got mad. We continued fixing the car without him mentioning it again. Until we were finished and he brought up the topic of girls again. When I once again said I was still gay, he just walked away. Two weeks later him and all of his stuff was gone forever. It was just me and Mama.

At the end of my freshman year there was a Sadie Hawkins dance. I asked my only friend/the only other out kid to go with me. He said yes and we went together. As friends. It was a night full of dancing and flirting with each other in a friendly way. Afterwards, we were waiting for his father to pick us up from the dance and we were jumped. Some people on the football team were the attackers. I got a concussion, five broken ribs, a broken nose, a fractured ankle, and PTSD. I had it worse than my friend. Mama was so scared and refused to waste any more time ‘failing as a mother’ (her words, not mine). Mama and I both started going to therapy. They put me on SSRIs to help with my PTSD. Mama got some kind of anxiety medication. For the next school year I enrolled at Dalton Academy. Mama picked up more shifts at her job and used the money Lola gave to me to pay for the tuition. 

Dalton was where I got to rebuild. Blaine Warbler was carefully crafted at Dalton Academy. I stopped doing therapy and went off of the SSRIs in November. I was so determined to be okay. Cutting was the only thing that kept me going. The doctors questioned the scars in the hospital but I was quick to assure them they were all accidents. I never brought it up in therapy either. I always made sure what we talked about was strictly related to my PTSD. Anyways, I joined the Warblers and became the lead singer. (I’ve taken a few vocal lessons before the Sadie Hawkins incident). Since Mama usually worked on the weekends, I didn’t feel a need to go to my house. So I usually spent them learning the school’s piano and guitar and perfecting my vocals. Music was the only other thing that kept me sane. Music and cutting. The only times Blaine Devon Anderson was revealed. Then I met Kurt. And most of you guys probably know the external perspective of that. On the inside I was battling with depression, self-hatred (for manipulating Kurt and everyone else that I was normal + making my dad leave), and recurring PTSD (from hearing Kurt’s story and going back to a public school). I am the only one at blame. That’s the story of my life. Now on to one last thing I have to say to everyone:

Mama, I love you and I’m sorry that I’ve been a burden making you work more and driving your soulmate away. 

Dad, I hate it but I still do love you. I’m sorry for being gay. I’m sorry for not liking cars and being too short to play sports. I’m sorry that I’m too feminine for you to love.

Cooper, thank you for not caring that I’m gay. You are a truly great brother and I love you.

Warblers, thank you for accepting me as your leader and believing in me as much as I believe in all of you.

New directions, I get why you guys didn’t want me to be on your team. I know I’m an outsider. You don’t have to deal with me now.

Kurt, you were an amazing boyfriend and I love you. I’m so sorry that you don’t love me since I’m a coward and am so afraid that once you found out I wasn’t perfect you’d leave. I hope you find an amazing husband.

I tried to have a great last day in this world. I made and ate breakfast with Mama, called Cooper, tried to be happy at school, sang ‘Cough Syrup’ in glee club, went on a coffee date with Kurt, and now I am about to call Mama one last time. Then I’m going to take the pills while listening to my favorite songs in my favorite spot in my backyard. It’s the perfect way to end my anything but perfect life. I’ve been acting for too long. I can’t live like this any longer. I am a fraud. A fake. I’m about to see Lola. Goodbye everybody. I’ve been battling with depression for so long and now I’ve lost. I can’t even stand to live with myself so how would other people stand to live with me?

I’m so sorry.

Goodbye

[toxiccaptain]

You’ve got some nerve.

Warnings: strong language, violence, slight sexual themes (its nothing graphic dont worry, just like,, one reference to sex)

Characters : Johnny Vincent and Gord Vendome (mentioning of other clique members)

Johnny Vincent was exhausted, the day had been extremely draining with the run-ins he had with the preps thanks to Lola, only for her to break yo with him- great... all the man wanted to do now is relax and smoke, he didn’t care about what was going on around him for he didn’t think he had the energy in the first place. For the most part it was quiet, getting darker and darker out by every minute that passed him by even getting colder as it did, it was winter after all. As the man inhaled and exhaled the cigarettes light brightened and dimmed down, smoke rose to the sky fading the higher it got-

‘Finally, peace and quiet’

He thought to himself tilting his head left, right, back then forward stretching his muscles taking a glance at the cigarette between his fingers, remaining silent for what felt like a just seconds before huffing out air at the thought of Her. “Why you gotta be this way Lola?” He quietly, softly spoke out lowering his head in shame at his own stupidity. As the cars passed, the tunnel he was in echoed back the sounds with both the engine and the sound of the tires against the street. Johnny listened in to the environment sounds hearing footsteps coming up beside him but didn’t bother looking at who the hell it was, he just wanted to be left alone so he hoped it was just some adult. Until the footsteps stopped, just a few feet away—

He looked at their shoes frowning his brow just before looking at the person who stood there. “The hell you want runt?” Vincent’s tone grew aggressive as he threw down his almost finished cigarette and stepped on it shifting his body to face them. “Now now Vincent, let’s not get too excited-“ the boy said holding his hands up to show he wasn’t a threat “tell me what the hell you want before I break your face in gord.” Johnny stepped closer causing the prep to step back “I’ve come to- talk.” Gord announced keeping his distanced from the greaser. “Talk eh? The fuck you wanna talk about with me, huh? I’m not your little friend to be chit chatting up storm with.” Johnny kept walking towards the prep cracking his knuckles which were muffled by the leather gloves he had on to keep warm “it’s about Lola.” Gord told him which caused Vincent to stop walking and to stand there, mixed emotions ran through his head but anger slowly began to take over everything. Gord shivered a bit from the cold air just gettingnside tracked for a bit thinking how Johnny could just stand out In the cold before being cut from that thought when Johnny grabbed him and slammed him against the tunnels wall “What About her!?” Johnnys voice grew louder with clear signs of nothing but anger and aggression towards the small prep.

Gords back was being pressed against the wall by Johnnys weight as he was just held there with a strong grip breathing in the cigarette scent the greaser leader gave off “I swear if you just came here to rub it in that we broke up you’ve got another thing comin’. She’ll never be yours, Never!” Johnny nearly yelled causing gord to flinch from the fear of getting hit shaking his head quickly “If you would just listen to me-“ gord tried to speak but Johnny has pulled him forward only to slam him back against the wall but had him lifted off the ground by an inch. Gord slightly hung his head having hit it against the wall with the quick motion but he kept himself composed and spoke again “listen to me- I’m through with that whore of a girl.” Gord looked Johnny dead in the eye which caught Johnny off guard a bit. Hearing that made Johnny’s grip weakened causing gord to slightly lower from where he was just until he was able to stand on the ground again “w- what are you saying..?” Vincent questioned slightly narrowing his eyes at the prep still not fully trusting him and not breaking eye contact with him. “I don’t want her anymore Vincent, I came to tell you my days of going after her are over. She’s a more waste of time than you’d think-“

Johnny quickly slammed his fist across gords face upon hearing him say that causing gord to fall out of his grip nearly knocking him to the floor. Gord managed to keep himself up from the painful swing that was brought to his face but continued what he was saying rubbing his cheek “ you’re getting..worked up on someone.. who problably only uses you ..for the sex.” Gord looked at Johnny lowering his hand from his cheek to his nose wiping off the blood that has just began to run down “it’s very pathetic. Not that I expected more from you.” He continued letting the blood run down his face and into his expensive scarf and sweater. Johnny kept his eyes on gord with his fist clenched and his breathing getting heavier and heavier as could be seen from the cold air the more his mind ran with thoughts “and what the hell would you know?” Vincent snapped back gritting his teeth. Gord just stayed there stretching his arms a bit telling him keeping it casual “look at it this way, you’ve been fighting for her for how long? Haven’t you questioned what you’re even fighting for anymore? Clearly the more things happen the more she just gets worse for you.”. Johnny felt something tug at his chest when he heard the prep speak in such a way- was it because he right..? Johnnys fist slightly released from how he had them before and continued to listen “ Lola is old news honesty. Your friends even say how much you don’t deserve the treatment. They’ve seen you chase your own tail for this girl, but do you even know for what?” Gord questioned. Johnny thought long about it, he thought he knew the answer but only managed to come out with “because I-“

“You don’t love her. Don’t give me that crap. You know this isn’t love.” Gord stopped Johnny from finishing that thought glancing down at Johnnys hands watching his fingers twitch slightly just before looking back up at him “you know she doesn’t truly love you, and if she says so it’s not you. It’s the idea of you.” Johnny got closer clenching his fists again getting in gords face “You Know Nothing!!” Johnnys voice was loud, very loud— gord just watched him gritting his teeth snapping back at him "I'm not making this up! I’m not just some Dumb Rich Prep you all see me as!” Gord spoke louder but kept himself as professional as he could only giving a bit of attitude back. “And what would you even know?!” Johnny just towered Over gord at that point making gord slightly stumble back but kept himself up “Because Vincent, unlike you I’ve been studying psychology and I see the patterns. How dedicated you are to her, and how much she never truly liked you, how you dont truly love her back-” Johnny shoved gord back and kept doing so multiple times with each getting harsher and harsher having gord almost reach the other end of the tunnel which was the new Coventry territory and repeatedly told gord to ‘shut up’ getting louder and louder. Gord continued “I’m telling you the truth. I know me and you aren’t on good terms as of lately and that I'm suppose to hate you but do you really thing I’d be telling you this if I really hated you? Sure you’re a pain in the ass and you along with your clique are low-class but c’mon, I know you’re not that thick minded of a man to be This blinded.” Johnny eventually stopped shoving gord back and just stood there watching as gord almost fell back but kept himself balanced but never stopped listening “and why are you telling me this?” Johnny asked huffing

“Because I feel bad, okay?” Gord snapped at Johnny which created silence between the both of them for a minute or so. Johnnys hands twitched , as his whole body shivered with rage because deep down he knew gord was right, he didn’t wanna admit it, he didn’t wanna admit that it hurts but it deeply did and hes tired of it all. Johnnys breathing was heavy, extremely, his chest rising and falling as his expression of anger began to break slowly into more saddened ones from the realization. He got close to gord, qiickly grabbed the preps collar pulling him close with his eyes tearing up, his teeth clenched together “You don’t know us, you don’t know me..” he said quietly between them “you can keep telling yourself that but, I can see differently, I could've kept this to myself but I thought this would bring more good and have these childish games come to an end.“ gord softly said keeping his eyes locked with Johnny's, right before Johnny finally broke down. Vincent lowered his head keeping his grip on gords sweater, gord watched feeling Johnnys body shaking as he slowly touched Johnnys arms. Johnny couldn’t restrain himself from letting the tears fall so they did, his breath hitching as he tried his hardest to keep himself together not wanting a prep from all people see him this way but the emotions were too much and he ended up crying.

Gord has just stood there holding Johnny feeling bad for him once more knowing how much he’s held back and is just letting it out. They stayed that way for a good 5 minute, maybe more before Johnny eventually calmed down and lifted his head letting gord go, stepping away from him which made gord let go of him, and allowing his hands to drop to his sides. His breath went from being heavy to light for the time being which was good, but gord didn't know how long it would last giving Johnny's high temper.

“You may see me as some stupid rich asshole but I’m not as stupid as you think I am. And I know the only real history we have is me messing with lola, but—“ he cut himself off holding his arms still shivering from the cold weather. He was sure of himself and felt like it wasn’t right to just tell the man his reasons for doing what he did.

“But what..?”

Vincent’s tone was normal at first but the longer gord just stood there the more he began to grow impatient, gord knew this and grew slightly paranoid at the man that could knock him out right then and there, maybe even kill him- but gord exhaled deeply, he breathed in the iron scent the blood dripping down brought him and stared directly at Johnny “but..because i enjoyed messing with you.” Gord spoke out after what seemed like forever. Johnnys hands slowly twitched once more he walked to gord close to hitting him again and gord backed up quickly putting one hand out out of fear “Wait! That’s not all.” Gord spoke louder but covered his mouth soon after “what more can there possibly fucking be..?”

“I’ve actually been watching the way you are Vincent, and I gotta say you’re more than just a handsome face.” Gord chuckled softly swaying his body side to side. Johnny stood there in silence for a good minute, stunned at the response he was given not knowing how to take it “what are you getting at-?“ gords eyes looked tired as he glanced at the ground keeping his gaze there “I’m just saying Johnny boy, you’re big tough outside is very attractive to watch from a distance but I’ve also notice how easy it is to bend and break your mind.” Gord spoke as he normally does, with a posh tone that irked Johnny but kept him listened to the prep, then gord continue “trust me I’ve thought about ditching Lola long before and focusing my attention to a Real man but the way you drooled over her just brought me more enjoyment. More excitement. You can really put on a show for that girl and I really, really, Really enjoyed seeing you get that way. It gave everything a more of a thrill knowing you were so focused on me, even if it was hostile.” Gord walked up to Johnny and looked up at him with his head slightly tilting to his right.

Johnny just watched gord get close but didn’t bother moving, he didn’t feel like he needed to. His hands were in a fist by than point but he wasn’t as angry as he was in the beginning of the conversation, he was honestly relieved— surprisingly

“Long story short Vincent. I like you. A little more than I anticipated.” Gord smirked, feeling accomplished as if he won some game. Johnny remained silent, for a while now processing what he was hearing, he knew gord was bisexual because hopkins showed the other side of that prep but the idea that gord actually liked him and not Lola is what throws him off a lot. Johnny didn’t know how to feel at that moment staring in gords brown eyes as if he was shearching for an answer there, somewhere. Gord wiped his face from the blood that had stopped ripping down now it being dry on his face before just getting closer to Johnny and asking “have you ever wondered what it’s like to kiss a rich boy?”

Johnnys expression went from serious to surprised, his brows rose and his eyes slightly widened but he didn’t breaks eye contact “I- I’ve- I-“ he was trying to find the words but nothing much came out but a stuttering mess. Gord just said fuck it, placing his hands on Johnnys arms slightly leaning up to him closing his eyes easing into it. Johnny watched, but didn’t pull away- instead he thought he’d just try it out, to see what can happen and hie far it can go. So Johnny placed his hands on gords waist when he came close, closed his eyes and leaned down slightly until his lips met with gords.

This was new to Vincent, hes never kissed a boy and he never saw himself doing it before but there he was, a prep in his arms pressed up against his chest just, making out with him for what seemed like forever. But forever only really lasts for so long.

Gord pulled away opening his eyes and looked into Johnny's eyes when he opened them as well. They were quiet, things between them seemed to lift away, and this was more like a dream to him, a dream he sure as hell has had before in the passed, a couple of times. Johnny slowly looked away and let gord go awkwardly saying that he should go, just leaving the prep alone in the cold dark winter night.

As johnny walked into his apartment he closed the door and held his chest leaning against it feeling his breathing quicken thinking to himself if that actually happened. He battled in his mind if he enjoyed it or not being so confused with himself and these new found feelings that he might be gaining. He slid his back on the door and sat on the floor staring into the dark corners of the apartment, eventually he closed his eyes and grinned to himself, taking off his gloves and pulling his hair back running his fingers through his hair-

'You've got some nerve'

((I'm not an expert at writing so here is something I had a dream about and I hope you enjoyed-?))

[ursa-mediocre]

My dog died today, and it fucking sucks.

She’d had symptoms of a collapsing trachea for a while, mainly a weird cough when she got excited or if pressure was put on her neck. Around March she was due for a dental cleaning where they intubated her and I asked the vet if that’d be an issue but they didn’t seem worried about it so I went ahead with it. Afterwards she had a different sort of cough for a long enough time that I contacted the vet again and they said it was most likely irritation from being intubated that should clear up. I did make her an appointment when I called but it was for a couple weeks out and in between then the cough did get better to the point I considered cancelling it.

A week before her appointment she had what turned out to be an arthritis flair up and I took her to the Emergency Vet and so decided to keep the appointment at her vet. At the appointment the vet was more worried about the cough while I was more worried about the arthritis since the cough was sorta back to pre-intubation frequency. He prescribed a tapering course of prednisone which seemed to help both issues a lot but there wasn’t any discussion of follow up after the course was over. But during and a couple weeks after she was fine so I wasn’t too worried about it.

Then a few weeks ago she started coughing again, and it was sort of up and down. I wanted to wait and see if it’d improve when the weather did, because at this point I was feeling like every time I went to the vet freaked out about something I left feeling silly. Tuesday I finally made her an appointment, but they were booking out a month so it wasn’t until August 17th.

Today my family is having a memorial service for my uncle who died a few months ago, because his family wanted to bury him here but lived on the west coast. After the service the plan was to have people over our house, so we’ve also been preparing for that and have had people over the last two nights (she got lots of affection from my cousin’s kids which was nice).

Last night she was coughing really bad. I could hear her pacing in the hall, going back and forth between my parents’ room and my room. I’ve been giving her honey to try and help sooth her throat, and tried to get her to calm down, but it seemed like she couldn’t lay down without immediately having to stand up and cough.

Around 4 AM I took her to the emergency vet. I thought they’d just have to give her some sedatives or cough suppressants and maybe a prescription for steroids or anti-inflammatories. They put her on supplemental oxygen and said she’d probably have to stay the day to stabilize and then they’d take chest X-rays to see what was up and let me know.

So I got home around 5:30 and tried to sleep, and they called me around 2 hours later to tell me that she was still having trouble breathing, and they weren’t able to take X-rays yet but had done an ultrasound and found fluid in her lungs and asked me for permission to intubate and do CPR if necessary, which I’ve been asked about for other procedures so I consented not thinking they’d actually have to.

Then they called again an hour later and said that they had intubated her, lost her heartbeat, were performing CPR, and asked how quickly I could get there.

My mom drove me and when I got there they had gotten her heartbeat back but she wasn’t aware of anything. They took me to see her, and said that they weren’t sure if the fluid was from congestive heart failure, a blood clot, pneumonia, or irritation from the collapsing trachea, but that she’d probably need to go on a ventilator for any further treatment. We opted to try to get chest X-rays before deciding because she said that heart failure could possibly be treated. But when they went to do that they lost her heartbeat again so I had make the decision to let her go.

It was kind of funny when we got back to the room she was in because this tiny dog was surrounded by like a dozen women (one was standing on a chair?) and they had just gotten her heartbeat back again. But the vet had them unhook her from everything and took us to a room to sit with her. I held her wrapped up in a blanket like a baby. I couldn’t help but think that my own mother there with me had lost an actual baby and how unbearable that seems when my heart’s this broken over a dog.

I don’t know how long she was actually still alive while we sat there. There were a couple tiny coughs and noises when they first handed her to me but I don’t remember feeling her try to breath at all (she had had to be intubated after all, so she probably couldn’t). I told her I was sorry, because I was. I wish I had been a better medical advocate for her with her own vet, because not being able to go into the room with her through covid during appointments made it really difficult to know if they were seeing what I was seeing with her. I wish I had taken her in sooner. I wish I had known at 4:30, when she climbed into my lap as we pulled into the parking lot, that I should have said a proper goodbye then rather than immediately hand her over to the vet tech that came for her. I wish I had spent every moment I could have with her, giving her non stop attention. I told her that I loved her. I told her she was the best dog. The best Lola she could be.

I had to remember to call her previous owner, a girl that’s a few years younger than me. We had had visits every so often after I got Lola, but hadn’t in over a year because of covid. She texted me a few months ago saying that if it were possible she wanted to be with Lola when her time came. Part of the reason I wanted the X-rays was to get even a day or two so we could do proper goodbyes. But I had her talk on the phone with her instead, even though I knew she wasn’t really with us anymore.

I told her my plan was to have her cremated so she could have some of the ashes. We went over that with one of the vet techs, who helped set it up with a facility they partner with. She offered to take a paw print and I had had her make it with her paw that was missing a toe because that was uniquely Lola.

Lola hated people touching her paws. She never would’ve sat still in my lap for so long. She hated getting wet, she wouldn’t go for walks in the rain, and the top of her head was soaked in snot and tears. In her younger days if she caught me crying she’d try to lick up all my snot and get up my nose because she loved the taste of boogers. Her tongue was sticking out the whole time and turning blue before I finally stuck it back in her mouth.

I didn’t want to stop petting her. Her fur was so soft. Her little ears were so perfect and round from her last haircut. I don’t want to pet my dad’s dog because it feels like a betrayal. They walked her to the door with us, but wrapped her back up kind of clumsily so her back legs and tail flopped out and up like how she used to sleep when she was younger and it was hot. I used to grab them and call them her ‘lil chicken legs’.

I don’t want to think about where she is right now. Everyone there was very kind and respectful, I know the practicalities of body storage. I don’t actually want her to be cremated, but I also don’t want to bury her. I just want her to be here, I want to touch her fur and see her dumb foxy face. But I’m not about to fucking taxidermy my dog.

So now it’s about 2:30. My dog has been dead at least 5 hours. I hate it so far.

My dad and older brother were waiting outside when we got home. I put her paw print in the fridge until we can bake it. I went into the living room and saw her bed on the floor and had to go back outside for a minute. I poured out the water bowl I kept in my room for her. My family left for the memorial service, I tried to sleep more. Around 1:30 I got up and ate something for the first time today. There are people coming to the house soon to mourn an actual human.

I have to cancel her vet appointment. I have to cancel her CareClub and flea & tick medicine subscription. I have to clean her dishes, beds, toys, etc and figure out what to do with them. There are still treats in ‘her’ backpack, the one I would take with us hiking so she could ride in it when she got tired.

My family is very supportive, I have savings to cover whatever the final medical expenses will be. Lola was 14 (and 1/2!) and spoiled rotten. I hope she knows I loved her and did my best to take care of her. I hope she knows that’s why I took her to the hospital and wasn’t too scared there.

I’m not good at talking about my feelings. I just end up crying and I don’t like crying so I try to avoid it. I don’t really want or need anything other than for this not to have happened, which isn’t something anyone can provide. I think writing this all out has helped. But this happened today, and it fucking sucks.

[egykisbarack]

I fuckin had enough of people. I'm tired of being used as a therapist but when I have problems no one takes them serious. I am tired of not being heard and that I make people annoyed. I want just one person who I'm important to and not a second choice. I honestly don't see the end of the tunnel anymore. I wan't to disappear and make people hurt. I want them to feel bad and wish they would've did something. I have problems. Serious ones, and no one takes them seriously. "You are skinny, you are beautiful, just have more confidence, that's it. Just decided it in your head." "You have better grades than me, you can't have issues with learning. It's easy for you to speak" "You seem happy, I'm sure it's all in your had." TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. Don't assume I won't do it because I talked about it several times and I haven't did it. I had enough of being stuck in this life. What did I do to deserve this. I deserved better. Everyone's leaving, it's just natural at this point. Why would you stay? It's easier to leave. Easier to ignore me. Easier to not care about me and my problems. Why even try to help if it's hard? Why even try? Then just leave. One less or more. Who counts it anymore.

I hate this situatuon. My family, the things they did and still do and the things they don't. The school, the amount of stress they put on me, and the things they expect from me. My friends, I am being left out. This is just facts. I know it. They do have a stronger bond. I'm not even surprised at this point. Just let me leave, and end this all. Living like this not worth it, and there's no sign of this getting any better in the future. All the things, the trauma, the mental problems. These are staying with me forever, no matter what I do. I can't escape them. They are everywhere. I was born because of an accident, this makes me a big mistake. This is why everyone should be able to do abortion. If you can't take care of your child it will grow up to be damaged, and you scar them forever. The trust issues, the thought of what would have happened without you, that you are the reason of their suffering. It would be better for some people if they just didn't have kids. Being strict to your kids is not a solution. It won't prevent them from being total failures and dissapointments. You are making it worse dear parent. The restrictions. You take things away from your child that is normal for everyone. Do not take your kids door, or phone or whatever you were thinking of. It does not help, and it certanly will make your relationship worse. Don't be surprised if they never talk to you again once they escape this. It's like an abusive relationship but even worse because it's your family. Yall are blood related. You can't really do anything about it. D:

And then the low self esteem and eating disorder. That seem so impossible for others to think that not only extremly skinny and overweight people have it. The bullying, calling them names and making fun of them. They remember every each of those. They don't forget. They replay those sentences in their head late at night, and even if they don't look like that anymore they will assume they are "fat" or "pig" or a "stick". Joking about someones appearance is not funny, and never will be. You are causing someone deep problems, and most of the times permanently.

Then there's when you talk about your problems, you finally open up a little and then people just try to top it. Oh you want to die, haha yeah same. So you are having sleeping problems? Lol i haven't had sleep in a week. You hate yourself? Lol yeah ew I don't like my tummy either. Don't try to make people feel like their problems aren't serious.

Anger... one hell of a bitch. "But you are a girl... it can't be that bad. What are you gonna do? Attack me? lol". Again, take peoples issues seriously. They can't controll it, and don't get offended if they say something. They usually don't mean it and regret it. Handling anger is like trying to hold a flaming piece of wood in our hand. You might do things you didn't mean to, it's hard to stay still and don't let it out.

Just... think before you speak. And sometimes when people ask you to do something they don't mean it. They want the opposite, maybe they want exactly it. People don't have instructions.

After typing all this out of myself I feel a little better but it does not solve anything. It just helps a little atm. You will still feel those emotions and they won't be magically managable.

Peace out✌ Lola

[angrylizardjacket]

Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx} Part 31

31. told you not to worry (but maybe that’s a lie)

Summary: lola starts taking her job seriously, but its hard to be mostly sober around the band now.

Warnings: angsty as shit, blink and you'll miss it sensuality but no smut, and happy pride, that's not a warning, that's just a little note!

ragtag bunch of misfits: @starlalove @toofasttofallinlove @xrosegoldwolfx @obsessivesky @lovehelpmewrite @marvelismylifffe @lilytalebi @glitterdreamsz @freddiessmallnipples @crazysaladchopshop @dramatique-moi @calspixie @aryssav @catsoo12 @sweetshutter @silvertonguedserpent @shamelessobsessions @lavenderbones22 @keepcalm-and-beyou @scarecrowmax @nicholeh7 @unknownoblivion @sighsophiia @fruitinthebottom @misscharlottelee @local-troubled-writer  @redlipscrystalskies14 @kaitieskidmore1 @the-specific-oceans

{ MASTERLIST }

Touring is a new and special kind of hell now that she's actually trying to be good at her job and not sleep with most of the band.

It was actually rather nice to reconnect with them in a way she hadn't been able to, with Vince and Tommy and even Mick; for all she'd been around them, the tour was the first time she could convincingly call them good friends. Now more than ever was she fulfilling her role as the band's assistant, and more importantly, as their wrangler.

"Nikki needs to be onstage in three minutes!" Doc shouts through the door of his dressing room, and Lola calls back that he'll be there, despite the fact that he's busy hurling into the toilet, and she's holding back his hair.

And of course, he'll be there, on time, puke free for the most part, and Lola's taking the first song to breathe for the first time since getting to the venue. And she finds one of Nikki's syringes in his bag, and takes the edge off before she has to be side-of-stage herself.

She makes a point of spending time with Tommy, and more often than not, she's the one handcuffing him to the bed at the end of the night; unfortunately it's at Doc's insistence, after Tommy goes out of control in the early hours before dawn.

Tommy, who will absolutely not remember this the next morning, fixes Lola with a blurry, vaguely lustful stare as she affixes his wrist to the bedpost.

"This feels familiar," he laughs, blind drunk, giving the handcuff a rattle for good measure.

Behave, Lola reminds herself, and she steps off of the bed as he makes grabby hands at her.

"Stay, Lols, please stay," he whines, and Lola swallows hard, smiling despite how her heart was beginning to ache under the effects of his puppy-dog eyes, "I've missed you." And that hurts like a physical ache.

"You're engaged," she reminds him gently, and Tommy's pleading gaze immediately turns blissfully fond as he remembers Heather waiting for him back home.

"I'm engaged," he repeats back, almost dreamily, "I think this one's gonna stick." He tells Lola with as much earnestness as he can manage. Lola's smile starts to crack.

"I'm happy for you, drummer boy," she tells him gently, patting his shin, and Tommy sighs happily.

"You won't tell her about the- the groupies, right? The girls backstage?" He asks, suddenly worried, and Lola sighs deeply. "They- Heather's so perfect, Lols, she's so sweet, and so fucking hot." He all but groans, shifting his hips in a drunken, horny stupor, "if I could have her backstage after every show, I would, I would in a heartbeat, Lols, I just- I don't, and I'm weak, you know I'm so weak." He whines, and Lola has to remind herself that his happiness is what was most important, that she's being selfish for feeling hurt. She tries to smile a little wider.

"You and Nikki," Tommy starts, but his expression falls, and it's like he sees her again, sees how hard she's trying, "you guys," his voice is so gentle, "we were so lucky." He muses, and she's not quite sure if he even realised his mistake, "having each other all the time? So lucky." He says with a faint, surprisingly warm smile.

Lola can't help herself.

"We were so lucky." She agrees, and it's all she can do to leave.

As a stark contrast, Vince hates being sober, especially with the rest of the band practically black out drunk from the moment they wake up, but with Lola at the very least not drinking, they take to partying together rather frequently. But Lola watches with growing concern as Vince grows bored with the hard-partying lifestyle the longer he goes without a drink.

"It's killing me," Vince admits. He's got Lola in his lap at a party, more to keep himself from hitting on any other women, because it appears she and Sharise have conspired together to try and keep him faithful. It works, sort of, he still fucks a lot, but he's got it down to about one girl per city, and he definitely doesn't fuck Lola.

"What? Your dick? Dude yout hard-on is skewering my thigh," Lola tells him with a grimace.

"No," Vince flushes, shifting his hips a little, while Lola clenched her teeth and reminded herself to behave. Why did she wear a damn skirt? "I'm fucking tired of being treated like a damn kid; can't fuck when I want, can't drink, not even allowed anu fuckin' dope. Prison was more fun than this." Lola gives him a curious look, but he's quick to backtrack on that particular statement.

"Call Sharise."

"We always finish too late, I don't wanna keep waking her up after midnight," Vince muses gloomily. His grip around Lola's midsection tightens and he presses his lips to her shoulder. "What if I get you off, for old time's sake?"

Lola sighed, shifting so she face mostly facing Vince.

"You know it won't make you happy, lover boy," Lola's fingers were gentle on his cheek, and Vince leaned into her touch, expression forlorn as he sighed and nodded.

"This isn't fun anymore," Vince admitted, "I fucking hate being away from Skylar, I'm missing all the big moments in her life, and instead I get to watch everyone else having the time of their lives." Lola hugs him, holds him close enough to press his face into her boobs, perhaps as some sort of consolation.

"You can still leave," he tells Lola, reaching up to trace the tattoo of the drumsticks on her collarbones, "you should run while you can, get out before it kills you." Lola laughs but he doesn't understand why, just continues, "after all the shit you've been through, I wouldn't blame you. Leave us in the care of Doc, collect your last paycheck, and disappear forever."

Lola just gives him a sad smile and cards her fingers through his hair.

"Vinny, I don't have anywhere else to go." It's said with a sad smile, and air of finality, and Vince plants a kiss on her cheek before gently urging her to stand up. He goes and tries to call Skylar, and Lola finds Nikki and drags him to a bathroom, shakes him down for a syringe full of heroin she knows she has. And he kisses her, sloppy and slurred, and Lola holds him close so her hands don't shake.

Nikki is easy, Nikki is familiar, Nikki she knows better than she knows herself, can read him as easily as breathing. He moves and she moves in sync, their whole life an unspoken duet.

"You told me not to kill myself over Tommy," Lola and Mick are the only ones awake in the back of the tour bus at eleven in the morning; Lola's sipping a coffee, riding the high of shooting up right before they'd left the last hotel, and Mick's reading a newspaper. "Did you ever think that he wouldn't be the one to kill me?"

"He didn't," Mick reminds her pointedly, and Lola casts a nervous glance to the bunks at the back of the bus, but no-one made a move towards waking up. Mick looks up from his paper to follow her gaze, before he looks back at her.

"You never worried about me and Nikki?"

"No point," Mick huffed, looking back at his paper. This was not the answer she'd been expecting, and it takes a long moment for her to order her thoughts. By the time she had, however, Mick had already lowered his paper, anticipating her next question, "if you wanted to kill yourself over Nikki fuckin' Sixx, there's no person on Heaven or Earth who could talk you out of it." He tells her flatly, "I wasn't about to waste my time on you co-dependent sociopaths."

And perhaps she wants to be offended, but the more she ponders on the sentiment, the more she finds comfort in it, can't help but bring it to Nikki.

The night, though it's almost six am, is warm and humid, and after a hard night of partying, they fall into bed together, like so many nights before. Something about Mick's words plays on her mind, and maybe it's that she's not quite sure where she ends and Nikki begins in this heat, but she doesn't want to let him go.

"Mick said something weird to me the other day," Lola starts, her head on his chest as she's catching her breath, and she feels Nikki's laughter as it rumbles through his chest, his arm around her, sweat sticking them and their hotel's bedsheets together in the afterglow.

"Everything Mick says is weird," Nikki snorts, "the guy's an alien." His idle hand draws an indistinct patterns on the sheet over her thigh.

"Do you think we're codependent?"

"Yeah."

"And don't you think that's... bad or something?" Lola tries, but Nikki just hums noncommittally.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Lo," Nikki tells her, voice shooting for something other than blunt, but not quite hitting the mark, "you're all I really know," he admits after a moment, voice softening, tone far away, as if there's something else on his mind, "and I know I could live without you, just like you could live without me, but I don't want to." He swallowed hard.

"I don't either." Lola says with a small smile, but when she looks to Nikki, he's gazing at the roof.

"I didn't realise I'd have to learn to live without shit I thought I needed, you know?" He says, and Lola's expression falls. Nikki looks back at her, as if realizing what he's said, and licks his lips, hesitating. Sensing his sudden nervousness, wraps herself around him, hugs him so he doesn't have to look her in the eyes, and squeezes her eyes shut tightly as she feels him breathe a sigh of relief. "I didn't mean you." Nikki says, his arms around her, warm and solid, his lips gentle against the shell of her ear as she kisses his shoulder gently.

"I didn't think you did," she says, with the faintest air of amusement, and Nikki huffs a quiet laugh. Neither lets go.

"Did you write Starry Eyes for me?" She murmurs against his skin, and Nikki holds her just a little tighter. She feels him nod.

"Wrote a lot of things for you," he trails his fingertips down her back gently, and Lola feels herself all but melting under his touch. Up and down, gentle as a feather, they lay, wrapped up in each other, in silence, until Nikki's hand stills, palm warm and flat against the small of her back.

"Tommy asked me to be his best man," he says, voice surprisingly raw, and Lola stays still as a statue.

"Congratulations," is all she can manage, a pit in her stomach at the very mention of Tommy's upcoming wedding.

"I couldn't say no," but it sounds like he wanted to, and Lola slowly sits up, straddling Nikki, her hand on his bare chest as she searches his face for what he's trying to tell her. Instead, Nikki reaches up, his hand coming to rest on her ribs right over her heart, "I think I get it. Being with Nicole was never about the drugs, was it?"

Lola's mouth opens in a surprised, quietly hurt oh, and her hand moves to join his.

"I don't -" but the words won't come out, and Nikki gives her this strange little half-smile.

"Am I an ass if I say that I hate Heather?" Nikki asks, and Lola's shock melts a little as she starts to realize exactly what Nikki's saying.

"She makes Tommy happy," she tells him, like she's told herself a thousand times before, wearing a sad smile.

"So do you," Nikki tells her, and Lola's heart starts to ache in a way that's all too familiar, "so do we." Nikki says quietly, unable to look her in the eyes. "How the fuck did you do this twice? How do you just say 'they're happier without me' and be okay with it?" His lip curls into a snarl and he gently pushes Lola off of him, maneuvering himself to the side of the bed, hunching in on himself. There's tears beginning to sting Lola's eyes, but Nikki's voice is raw, is bitter as he asks, "does it always fucking hurt?"

"I don't want to lie to you-" Lola tries, but Nikki turns, snaps at her.

"I don't care! How the fuck can you watch them together and not want to yell at him that he's throwing away -?" Nikki's mouth snaps shut, and the fury in his eyes dies down, too afraid to voice his thoughts. Like approaching a wild animal, Lola slowly makes her way over to him, wrapping him up in her arms, letting him rest his forehead against her shoulder.

"I didn't even know I was... was allowed to love him like this," the words spill from him, messy, angry, and Lola's silent, curled over him like a shield from the outside world, tears dripping from her eyelashes, "didn't even realise I did, but Heather just thinks she can, can what? Fucking take him? From us?" His grip on Lola is tight, his nails digging into her skin when all he can focus on is his own anger, but after a moment of silence, he feels the way Lola's shaking, and he comes back to reality, "Lo?"

"It always hurt," Lola whispers through her tears, "Nikki, it always fucking hurts."

[lokisrare]

our story

A/N: Just in case you don’t know I’m a hardcore Harry Styles fan and Fine Line belongs to a museum so I thought of this (I’ll list the songs at the end) if you haven’t listened to it yet I recommend you to do it, it’s really a masterpiece. I won’t put any warnings because there aren’t any, except some angst anyway I hope you all love it, if you do, let me know! Had to repost because the links weren’t working and I didn’t know how to fix it so yeah lol

WORDS: 2071.

PLOT: George recapitulates his life with Lola as she walks down the aisle.

PAIRINGS: George Mackay x ofc.

She (she)

She lives in daydreams with me (she)

She’s the first one that I see

And I don’t know why

I don’t know who she is (she, she)

Maybe it was the pink hair that had completely grabbed his attention towards her or maybe the different flowery jumpers she used to wear almost every day; the thing is, George realized as days passed by that she owned a lot of them, with different colors and patterns, not because he stared at her all of the time like a psycho -or maybe a little-, but because she just outshined everyone wherever she was by the way she dressed and how spontaneous her personality seemed to be.

It was a Monday morning, it was really early and everyone looked like crap including him, except for her, she was doing one of the girls’ hair while looking effortlessly beautiful, now the locks of her hair were violet and a nose piercing made its first appearance; George was mesmerized by her and only realizing how much he was staring when someone hit his head in the back. Really hard.

“Careful! You idiot.” He said while massaging the back of his head.

He was about to get up to follow Andrew, who was already walking off while laughing but a little giggle stopped him in his tracks; turning around, he directed his attention to the make-up section where she was looking at him with a funny expression on her face, her cheeks blushed when she realized he heard her. George smiled at her and when she smiled back his heart stopped for a moment. Cheesy. But it was a start, he thought at the time, he still didn’t even know her name but it was a start. Definitely.

Sunflower

Sunflower

My eyes

Want you more than a melody

Let me inside

Wish I could get to know you

“Lola please, it’s just a coffee. If you hate me after it, I won’t talk to you or even look at you” he pleaded.

He had finally gotten her name, it suited her, he thought. George had reached out to her one night while she was organizing her stuff, after that, they started to talk almost every day on set; early in the mornings when no one really wanted to talk they’d be laughing at some stupid conversation topic.

But George wanted more, he wanted to know other things rather than the superficial stuff, he wanted to really get to know her.

Lola crossed her arms and huffed, George thought it was funny how intimidating she was even when he was way taller than her, it was like she was always the one in control, and he found himself already liking this side of her.

“I told you I don’t like to get involved with people from my job, I’m still working my way into this industry and I don’t want to fuck it all up” she said, very serious and looking really concerned about her place at the time and George almost instantly regretted being so insistent.

“I’m sorry, you’re completely right,” he saw Lola’s face transform into a look of surprise and relieve, maybe it was the first time a boy actually listened to her and understood her reasons; “but, please, keep doing my make-up, Rose makes me look like a Ken doll whenever she gets her hands on my face and I creep myself out when I look in the mirror.” He tried to ease the moment with a not-so joke.

Lola let out a laugh and nodded. He smiled at her and started to leave not before leaning in and kissing her on the cheek, before turning on the opposite direction he caught a glimpse of her blushing and smirked.

Before he could cross the door, he heard her let out a curse under her breath and a heavy sigh right before she called out his name, asking him to come back into the room.

“Fine, let’s grab a coffee, but I get to choose the place.” Lola said with a shy smile. It was the first time she didn’t look as her confident self, he thought.

“It’s a date, then” George smiled satisfied and she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Not a date, it’s just a coffee.”

Tastes like strawberries on a summer evenin’

And it sounds just like a song

I want your belly and that summer feelin’

I don’t know if I could ever go without

Watermelon sugar high

Every day it passed he realized how much of a free old soul she was. Lola loved exploring and finding places; like one time in England when she found an abandoned theater with a little museum inside and made him spent the night, it wasn’t creepy at all because they also found out stray dogs lived there. Maybe if he made a top three of their dates, it would’ve been number two because now, as he stared at the ocean right in front of him while he seated on the top of a rock he thought this date would be placed in number one for sure.

Not only because he loved the beach and how private and intimate this place was, but how beautiful she looked with that loose white dress she was wearing, her hair up in a messy bun, and her cheeks red because of the sun.

“I could stay here forever,” he said mostly to himself as she was eating a piece of watermelon, she nodded, her mouth full. It made him laugh at her, she looked like a little girl doing a mess.

“I wouldn’t though, this place gives me the creeps during night because those rocks there look like a skull when its dark and some friends say they heard a woman crying once.”

“Oh, we are not staying then. Definitely not.” Lola nodded agreeing with him while she cleaned her hands, once she was done she laid her head on top of his thighs.

George smiled down at her and looked straight into her eyes and then down to her lips, Lola grabbed the back of his neck leading his lips into hers.

The kiss was soft but loving, her lips tasted sweet and he thought how he could never get tired of her.

Lola was something else.

But I can feel it take a hold (I can feel it take a hold)

I can feel you take control (I can feel you take control)

Of who I am, and all I’ve ever known

Lovin’ you’s the antidote

Golden

“Lola, sweetheart, would you help me over here?”

“Of course!”

George looked at Lola as she helped his mother with some recipe for a dessert she had found on the internet.

He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop staring at her, maybe the fact that it was the first time in four years -five almost-, he saw her with her natural hair color and she looked absolutely stunning, her nose ring was still there but her factions were way more mature.

Or maybe it hit him how much they had grown together, how many moments they lived, great and not so great, and how much he loved the way his family adored her.

He loved her. Lola had him since the first moment he landed his eyes on her and then never let him go. She was his treasure, his gold, his everything and he was so happy knowing he was the exact same thing for her.

It was then when he looked down at his pocket and felt the little delicate ring his grandmother gave to him. He never felt more ready.

There’s things that we’ll never know

You sunshine, you temptress

My hand’s at risk, I fold

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

We’ll be a fine line

(…)

We’ll be alright

The apartment was dark and silent. It felt as it was completely empty. Yet it wasn’t. George was sitting at the end of the hall, his back against your shared bedroom door, it was long time ago when he last heard you sob, he figured you’d be sleeping by now but still it didn’t felt right to come in.

He hurt you, he was well aware of it, yet he couldn’t do anything about it. He knew he had no control over this part of his job, the traveling.

He knew Lola liked to pretend she was doing fine, she didn’t like to be seen as fragile or dependent, she was raised that way, he could never blame her, but it was hard sometimes when George wanted nothing but to know what was hurting her, it was so hard to get Lola to open up about how she was feeling.

He would feel like she didn’t trust him, and distance fucks things up most of the time when trying to talk things through, she was stubborn and he wasn’t patient.

George got up and slowly opened the door, she was facing him and he could tell she was peacefully sleeping by her calm breathing.

He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Lola, her nose was still a little red, he noticed her eyes had gotten a little swollen too, it broke him because he hated being the reason behind her suffering.

George caressed her cheek, then her arm, slowly and lovingly; he looked at her hand, his grandmother’s ring decorating her finger. George felt his chest getting heavy and his sight getting blurry from the tears so he closed his eyes letting them fall, it hurt him too, he hated to leave her for so long, he hated not being there for her accomplishments or her difficult times and vice versa. Sometimes he felt his love wasn’t enough.

George opened his eyes startled as he felt her hand cupping his face. Lola was looking at him, her sight holding sadness and tiredness but yet he could feel the love on her delicate touch.

“Come here” was all she said.

George laid beside her and she hugged him, their faces inches from each other, he kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes.

“We’ll be alright” she said before falling back asleep, and George held to that promise.

And oh we started

Two hearts in one home

It’s hard when we argue

We’re both stubborn

I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

All this moments, the good and the bad, the really low times when they had nothing but each other to hold on to and the happiest of times when they also had each other to share their joy.

It all came to flashes to George’s mind as he saw her walking down the aisle to him, her white gown with little golden flowers decorating it perfectly, she had her hair up but he could still see the pink on the ends of it falling loose from her hairdo, just like the first time he saw her.

And maybe, he thought, he wouldn’t be able to promise her a perfect marriage but he could promise her his devotion and all the love and adoration he felt for her.

Because he loved Lola since the first time he saw her, when she still had a baby face with round cheeks and so many doubts about her future and he loved her now as the successful woman she had become, so confident, so smart and so beautiful.

When she finally arrived to him, he realized he was crying when she laughed and cleaned his cheeks with her fingers.

“Oh please George, you’re going to ruin the Ken doll make up” she said jokingly.

“Yeah, joke all you want. Look where just a coffee leaded us too” George said and Lola looked at him with a confused look, he smirked at her and then she gave him a look, realizing what he meant.

“God, George, can we please get married before I regret it” she said making the priest laugh.

“You had 8 years for that” he bragged, “fine, let’s get this done milady” he took Lola’s hand winking at her as the priest started speaking.

He stared at her. She was perfect. This day was perfect.

________

from Fine Line(2019): She, Sunflower, Watermelon Sugar, Golden, Fine Line. from Harry Styles(2017): Sweet Creature.

(CLICK THE ALBUM’S NAMES IF YOU WANT TO CHECK THEM OUT)

[mychemicalficrecs]

frerard aus where one or both of them are parents or highschool frerard aus with bullying?

Hi Nonny!

I've made a list for you where Frank and/or Gerard are parents.Check back for your other request in a day or two!

Frank And/Or Gerard Are Parents

F is for Frank by silver_etoile, 23k, Mature. Frank can't even cook mac and cheese. How can he possibly live up to being a father? Maybe the new preschool teacher can help.

How did I survive without you? by Frnk, 9k, Not Rated. Frank thought he knew everything, he had a job and an apartment, he was studying in school and working his ass off to pass his English exams. Then his entire world got turned upside down by a little boy left on his door step.

i will do my best to be... by picht, 4k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. It’s Friday evening, 6 PM, and Frank is fucking nervous. Griffon’s first meeting with this new troop begins in fifteen minutes, and they’ve been sitting in the church parking lot for the past five. There’s a lot of things that could go wrong here, is the thing. Hopefully, Frank thinks, third time’s the charm.

Sometimes the world gets so damn lonely, ya'know? by Frnk, 7k, Not Rated. "Like sometimes its not about getting drunk or talking or whatever. Sometimes you only need someones company to feel less alone in the world."

Wicked Little Town. by xofunghoul, 26k [WIP], General Audiences. In a small town in New Jersey where nothing much happens, Gerard Way runs his family's diner with his best firend Ray and he thinks his life is going nowhere special and is fine with it until Frank Iero, a young single dad of twin babies moves into town and shakes things up a little with his witts and big green eyes.

Ice Creams and Bloody Knees by charmlesstrans, 3k, General Audiences. "Good morning, girls! Time to get up!" Frank knocked and cheerily called into Lily and Cherry's room bright and early at 8 AM. "Noooo," protested Lily from behind the door. "Too tired.." Cherry explained with a sleep-muffled voice.

Four Killjoys and a Baby by forgoo, 19k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. "We are not keeping a baby!" "How hard can it be?" The story of how four teenage outlaws became the guardians of a tiny helpless baby and then raised that baby to be the tiniest Killjoy, messiah of the Zones.

Can we keep it? by NatMadness, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Chris always came home with a different animal in his hands. Gerard always said no, they already had three dogs and they were a lot of work, but the kid kept bringing them with him every day after school. Of course, he was a 6 year old little boy with a deep pasion for animals and Gerard loved that, because it reminded him so much of Frank.

Taste by A_A_Dolan, 11k, Mature. The most forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest. When married man, father, and successful artist, Gerard Way, meets an Italian, attractive, hazel eyed musician/singer at a local café...an instant attraction occurs and when things between them get hot and heavy...sudden consequences come with the price of being unfaithful.

B.F.F. by iamcatastrophicc, 36k [WIP], Mature. Gerard Way has wanted to be a dad ever since he was a kid but as he gets older he fears he might not be able to and tries to adopt. Unfortunately, they won't let him because he's a single dad so instead him and his best friend devise a scheme to get Gerard a child.

How I Met Your Father by Monroeville, 4k, Teen And Up Audiences. “Dad, are you gonna tell us how you and dad met again?”

The Sad Dad Club by mousefrnk, 85k, Explicit. Ex-frontman Frank Iero is a single dad in New Jersey doing his best to raise his three girls. He meets Ray and Gerard, two dads with sons in the same class as one of his girls. Along with Gerard’s brother Mikey (who is soon to be a dad himself), they make plans to hang out every Friday, asking each other for advice and getting some much-needed adult social interaction. Thus, the Sad Dad Club is born.

Arrange The Sorrows And Joys by flax_wench, 26k [WIP], Explicit. Frank is a young, unemployed former musician in desperate need of a job; Gerard is a wealthy, single father searching for a nanny for his beloved baby girl, and hires Frank to be her nanny against Mikey's advice. Much to everyone's surprise, he turns out to be a perfect fit, and to no one's surprise, the two men slowly begin to fall for one another. Love, angst, a whole lotta smut, and an adorable baby named Lola.

I Hate my Weaknesses But they Make Me Who I Am by Frnk, rockforfrnk, 15k, Mature. Frank is a stay at home dad and suddenly his stomach issues cause him problems. All he wants is to be better and focus on his family.

Sonna Kimi ga Suki! (That Was Good!) by momiji_neyuki, RedRomRomance, Trixgrl, 13k, Mature. You meet all kinds of interesting people when you go to the park for lunch.

(We're Going) To Space by Andromedas_Void, 2k, General Audiences. “Yes?” Gerard asked, a soft smile on his (extremely cute) face, along with a dozen star, moon, and planet stickers. “Oh, ah,” Frank started, holding back a laugh. “Your, uh, the mail man delivered this to my house by mistake,” he said, biting his lip and holding out the package.

Songs For The Weak by Wearenotalright, 11k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. Frank is a history teacher at his old high school and he has a rather interesting new student. Bandit Way. She was tall and lanky and the other students shunned her for being the "weird kid". Frank has no other choice but to call her father in for a meeting to tell him the horrible news that his little girl is getting bullied.

In A Pretty How Town by fleurdeliser, tuesdaysgone, 23k, Explicit. Single dad Frank Iero moves with his son to a new town. Everyone is nice, but the mayor, Gerard Way, is positively too good to be true.

The Bench by phrankiero (orphan_account), 3k, General Audiences. Frank takes his son James to soccer practice every week. There he meets Gerard, the parent and single father of James's best friend.

I Know What It Means to Me by mistresscurvy, 9k, Explicit. Gerard didn't go to his single parents support group expecting to find love, but it found him there when Frank showed up one week. A single dads AU.

Crazy for You by sockpuppeteer, 2k, General Audiences. Frank's relief is almost palpable when there is someone home in apartment opposite, and, although mussed and a little bleary, he looks relatively friendly. And gorgeous, but Frank is definitely not focusing on that right now.

Online fantasies. by jessislame, 13k [WIP], Not Rated. It has been a long time since Gerard has reconnected with his family and friends due to being at college most of the time. So when he gets an invitation for coffee from an old friend he can't really refuse...can he?

The Secret Life of Bees by eudaimon, 12k [WIP], Explicit. Summer. Frank and his daughter have nothing left in New York, so they hit the road and end up in the tiny town of Orpheus Falls, NY. Frank meets Gerard at a farmer's market, selling artisan honey. They start to figure things out.

It Was All An Accident by MissPamelaD, PhantomSwelling, 59k [WIP], Teen And Up Audiences. Gerard and Frank had it all. A perfect friendship, perfect families with their wives. They're missing nothing. That is until both of their wives die in a tragic accident. They both feel at loss, not being totally able to function without their loves. But, when they decide to move together with their kids, their world changes again. Will it be for the better or for the worse?