#I AM FED UP
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me stomping my way thru Nessus' planetary core again bc Osiris won't talk to Maya like how Eido talked to Eramis:
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So this guy Mark on MarkMeets hypes up an interview with no barred questions, no PR with Lou and ends up publishing a very brief, underwhelming interview with him, which doesn’t sound even authentic.
He wrote about abuse on xfactor, chatted with Larries on twitter, gathered up interest to then just regurgitate LATAM interviews, including his most recent denial.
It hasn’t done any favours to Lou, in primis, no favours to the fans, and it is only a badly velated attempt from this guy to just attract clout.
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in all seriousness though if you don't like what I post or ship or whatever just fucking block me
#i am FED UP#im a multishipper#i like lucy and coop#and lucy and max#and max and dane#like fuck off#its my fucking blog#leave me be#thoughts
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Another Max pole? UGH
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no one:
me: maybe if I came out as genderqueer/something under the trans umbrella to my family they would stop bringing up how they thought adding the option of "diverse" (non-binary) to applications and forms to be inclusive went "too far" and maybe my step sister's annoying ass military fiancé would shut his fucking face in general and stop making transphobic comments and I could finally experience peace and tranquillity during family dinners
me: no that's ridiculous
also me: ......unless? 🤔
#i am FED UP#i understand ro a certain degree that my parents struggle with the concept of anything more than binary genders because they're OLD OK#and german doesn't really have pronouns like they/them so we need to invent new words and it's more difficult to incorporate#into casual vocabulary and conversation for people who aren't used to the concept of neo pronouns#but my sister's fiancé told a funny haha story the other week about how he deliberately made a comment to a trans soldier#about what it says on her birth certificate???? dude i almost left the room in the middle of dinner#thinking about taking one for the team and outing myself as cisn't just so everyone will shut the fuck up lmao#would it be a lie??? idk the truth of the matter is that i don't give a shit. gender is fake and that is my truth 🙏#rayrambles
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Vent post
Not related to anything on here but I just really hate it when someone tries to lecture me on things that I spent years studying in college. Like bro, I have a degree in history, I do not need you “explaining” certain things to me like I don’t have a whole ass degree in said subject 🙄 Especially when I know that person has never studied the subject and they just read an article on the internet and now they think they know everything
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Where are you getting the spoiler info about Kaveh and Alhaitham??? I'm so curious because of your analysis. lol. I haven't really started playing anything in the current version. - @mimi-cee-genshin
He’s not in the current version yet, but my curiosity kept killing me HAHA. Here you go!
Admittedly I haven’t done a proper analysis on Kaveh yet to understand his motivations. I’ve been stuck in Alhaitham brainrot mode as of late HAHAhaha….. orz
#interactions#I went on that rant analysis yesterday bc I got a text from my kaveh-like friend#she texted me abt how she’s gonna be thirty but she’s still single and ‘when is it gonna be her time’#i think she wanted me to agree and cry along with her#but instead i was just#’in order to get into a relationship you actually have to like… go out and meet people and be proactive’#she hasn’t done that in like more than five years#i love you but why should i console you on something that’s you’re fault and you can easily fix#*your#god we are alike#i can’t just listen to people and console them#i need to fix the problem#i dislike seeing people in pain so people that force me to continuously watch them be in pain makes me just….#i start getting more and more blunt haha#i have so much to say abt this from alhaitham’s point of view bc this literally has been my life these past 15 years HAHA#I AM FED UP#LET ME BE MEAN AND UNSYMPATHETIC#still don’t like alhaitham tho#but at this point it’s just me being stubborn and in denial
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people who have given me advice about my disordered sleeping: actual sleep specialist, phsyiatrist, therapist, regular doctors, nurses, my parents, my teachers, my friends, my parents' friends, my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, my classmates, my boss, friends-of-friends, internet strangers,
people whose advice has helped me sleep better:
#blue personal ramblings#i know ive been talking about this a lot the past few months but i have Reasons#I am Fed Up#sleeping disorders#insomnia#unsolicited advice#also just so we're clear. a lot of this advice is. Basics.#and like. the first few years that was fine. covering the basics is important.#but it has been. a decade and a half. i can't hear one more person's half-assed "but what about [useless crap ive heard 3000000 times befor#vent post
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I finally bought a binder. I can’t wait to take a break from having massive fucking tits
#I am fed up#the dysmorphia is strong rn#I’m fine with them 90% of the time but right now I’m just not
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i swear to go if i see one more catnap or dogday! reader x hazbin hotel with poppy playtime x reader tags while looking for fanfics i am going to find whoever made it and crack open with skull like an egg and scramble their brain.
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don't fucking add those disgusting ass tags on a post that has ZERO to do with nsfw or nearly anything suggestive. he's naked. he's tired. he went through a traumatic event. grow the fuck up
#stop fetishizing miguel ohara 2024challnge#he's not gonna fuck you#i do not CARE anymore#i am fed UP
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I don’t think Alicent is that important even in Team Green. Yes, there is Queen Mothers in history that play a crucial role in politics, but Alicent is clearly not one of them. I don’t think the small folk or the nobles will care if Alicent’s affair with Cole is outed. Aegon, Helaena and Aemond all have dragons, so it’s a natural proof of their blood. There will be no bastard allegations, thus no harm to Aegon’s legitimacy. What is she even whining about?
THESE shots were supposed to be the final ones:
NOT THESE!!!!
not everything should be in the green team about Alicent! this is the tragedy of Helaegon, whose lives are completely turned upside down after the death of Jaehaerys. this is THEIR tragedy! stop shoving alicole down our throats, we already realized that they are f@cking.
what is even more disgusting is that instead of comforting her children, Alicent reminds her daughter of what she saw in her room, and she leaves her son because sitting next to him and helping him get through grief doesn't sound as tempting as f@cking her guard. and the excuse that she became a mom too early, they don't work here for me, don't even try.
it's so bad that I don't have enough words to express my anger.
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Went to the Ren Faire today. I found little joy in it, try as I might. Dad isn't the best company ever, and I get the feeling he was hoping I'd be more excited. But I just... don't have any excitement in me.
I feel... complete. Like there's nothing left to do. I've had romance. I've been to Japan and Mexico and Canada. I own a house. I own a car. What's more to do? And when I do think of something, I talk myself out of it cause I can't imagine a future where good things happen.
Like today, on the drive back from the faire, Dad asked if I was saving up for a new car. And obviously I'm not. I live paycheck to paycheck, who the fuck is SAVING money? But when he asked that it dawned on me: I have no plans to buy a new car. I have no plans to take a vacation. I have no plans to visit my sister and niece. I have no plans to advance my career or start a new hobby.
You ask me where I see myself in 5 years and the best I can come up with is: "Hopefully alive."
Yeah. Let's be honest, we planned this. Step one was to isolate, step two is get fed up, and step three is die. We're somewhere in the middle of step two I'd say.
#personal#public private journal#i am fed up#i'm tired#will i be dead in five years?#who can even imagine being in your late 30s?#not me
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omw to yell at boyboss like. are you in a place to receive information that could possibly hurt you
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if I see one more post about Aegon “bullying Aemond his entire life”, I will go fucking ballistic, I swear to g—
scratch that, I will actually go ballistic right now. this is the “Aegon doesn’t deserve such a shitty treatment” club and I’m the self-proclaimed CEO. we are about to do some analyzing and reading so BUCKLE UP.
gonna make one thing clear first — Aemond was bullied when he was a child. no one denies that, no excuses can be made for that. I’d only like to note that there wasn’t only one bully. here’s a quick reminder:
now that we successfully counted to three, let’s look over Aegon’s other horrible crimes relationship with Aemond throughout the years.
📍 the night Aemond lost his eye (S1EP7), Rhaenyra suggests he should be “sharply questioned” (she means tortured) so they can learn who told him that her sons were bastards. Viserys, in his perpetual denial, angrily asks Aemond “who spoke these lies” to which he replies that it was Aegon. it is clear that Aemond does that to deflect suspicion from their mother but his words come as a surprise to Aegon.
he’s in a tough spot — Viserys demands the answers “as their king”, not their father (to signify his authority and pressure them into telling the truth). and Alicent screamed in Aegon’s face and slapped him just a minute ago, so he may be less eager to defend her. he can easily lie and say that he overheard some maids gossiping or that he can’t remember where the rumor came from. instead, it takes Aegon about 5 seconds to back Aemond up.
📍 we didn’t get many scenes with young Aegon and Aemond in general, but here’s a short bit people keep overlooking: when Harwin and Criston start fighting, Aemond and Aegon instantly gravitate toward each other. and moreover, Aegon puts a hand over Aemond’s back (which to me is either a protective or a comforting gesture). what a horrible brother, truly.
📍 next we see them all grown up before dinner in S1EP8. I think it’s safe to assume that if Aegon has been bullying Aemond all these years, Aemond wouldn’t want to spend a second in his company. he’s seated between Helaena and Otto, both of whom are dear to him, so Aemond can stay at the table and chat with them. and YET, not only does Aemond voluntarily talks to Aegon, but their conversation seems friendly (you can barely hear it in the show so here’s the enhanced audio). Aemond makes a joke about Aegon’s drinking habits — Aegon quips back — and then, what a shocker! Aemond starts venting his frustrations to Aegon (“Even when the noose is so tight, they expect us to break bread”). nothing would’ve stopped him from venting to Otto but Aemond stays with Aegon. he wouldn’t have done that if there hadn’t been some level of trust between them. he wouldn’t have done that if he hated Aegon’s guts.
📍 at dinner, when Aegon pisses Jace off and the brunet springs to his feet, Aemond stands up too, which forces Jace to act as if nothing happened and come up with a toast. Aegon watches him with a shit-eating grin on his face. it’s the face that screams “I know you won’t dare to act up in front of my brother and my brother has my back”.
when Aemond makes a toast and calls Rhaenyra’s sons “strong”, Aegon raises a cup to that. he can sit this one out — Aemond has his personal vendetta against the boys, and it would be safer for Aegon not to meddle. but what does he do instead? when Luke gets up from the table (clearly intending to go to Aemond), Aegon instantly stands up, comes up to Luke and not just stops him but slams his face into the table right in front of Rhaenyra without thinking twice. and it doesn’t look like Aegon is just messing with him — no, it looks like he wanted to do that for a while. like Aegon finally got his chance to stand up for his brother too. AND he also stops Baela from joining the fight.
📍 S1EP9 is when we get a glimpse of Aemond’s ambitions: he deems himself better than Aegon, he thinks he deserves to be king. but once he finds Aegon and they get into a fight, it turns out that Aegon knows that Aemond is a better choice. he doesn’t want to fight him, he begs Aemond to let him go. and Aemond can do that — Criston has his back to them, so Aemond could’ve pretended that Aegon managed to break free. and even once they caught Aegon, I have no doubt that Aemond could’ve helped him escape. but it seems that, despite his displeasure, Aemond values his family the most. he can’t betray his mother’s trust, and he knows Aegon is the first in line to the throne. Aemond envies him, yes, he may even hate him because of that. but he values his family the most.
📍 as @florisbaratheons noted, during the coronation scene, when Aegon glances at his family, Aemond looks right at him and gives that tiny nod that says “I may hate this and think I am better for the job as king. But I’ve got your back.” I like that Aemond is the one who keeps eye contact in that scene. He could’ve turned away to signal his dissatisfaction with the situation, there wouldn’t have been any consequences for that. But he didn’t.
📍 what I find interesting about S1EP10 is the beginning of Aemond’s dialogue with Luke. that’s the boy Aemond wished to get back at for years and yet, he starts by saying “Did you think that you could just fly about the realm trying to steal my brother’s throne at no cost?”. Aemond could’ve skipped that part — imagine him saying smth along the lines of “Wait, Lord Strong! Don’t you think you and I have other matters to discuss?” (to which Luke answers that he doesn’t want to fight and the conversation goes on). instead, Aemond makes a point to remind Luke: my brother is the king, and I came here on his behalf. you can argue that Aemond doesn’t do it for Aegon specifically but for his family in general. but Aegon is a part of the family, and S1 Aemond has his priorities straight.
📍 as much as I hate comparing the show and the book (these are two different things and should be viewed as such), I’d like to remind you that Aegon was the only one who stood by Aemond’s side after Luke’s death. I wonder why we didn’t get that scene… I guess it’s because it would be kinda hard to call Aegon “the main bully” after he literally throws Aemond a feast. but we do get to see Aegon supporting his brother: in S2EP1 he welcomes Aemond at the small council meeting despite his mother’s protests (“Aemond is my closest blood and my best sword”). and he trusts Aemond wholeheartedly, that much is obvious.
📍 let’s get to the most controversial part — the brothel scene in S2EP3: some people believe Aegon is being a bully at that moment. those people seem to forget one little detail:
it’s been only a few days after the death of Aegon’s son whose murder was a direct result of Aemond’s ruthless actions. does Aemond ever address it? does he express his condolences? does he mayhaps help to catch the killers, being the skilled fighter that he is? the answer is NO.
I do think Aegon’s joke was cruel (I wrote a whole post about it) but that’s all it ever was — a JOKE. the humiliation comes not from the things he says but from the fact that Aemond is found in a vulnerable position and surrounded by a group of strangers while his brother laughs at him. TGC explained it best:
I also love @notbloodraven’s take on that scene:
Aegon lashing out so cruelly at Aemond seems to be an effort in making Aemond feel as badly as he does and blaming him for Jaehaerys without actually saying the words.
would this be the right way to act? no. but there’s no right way to grieve and to cope with the loss — and HIS SON WAS BEHEADED so maybe take 1% of the sympathy you show your favorite character(s) and cut Aegon some slack.
+ other things worth talking about:
📍 @bietrofastimoff23 analyzed S2EP3 beautifully and I can’t help but mention the scene that happens before Aegon goes to the brothel. it’s the moment when Larys suggests that Alicent and Aemond are plotting against Aegon. he isn’t surprised by the idea that his mother can do that — but the second his brother is mentioned, Aegon’s face falls and he shakes his head no. because there is no way Aemond would ever do that to him. and instead of asking for any proof, he asks Larys “who spreads these lies?” and then commands him to “tend to them.” Aegon can ask him to spy on Aemond, to find any dirt on him, find any weaknesses he can use — he does not.
📍 it turns out to be true — Aemond was plotting behind his brother’s back. which is treason btw (I don’t think Criston intended to keep things from Aegon — he probably believed that Aemond would let Aegon in on their plan). and Aegon does have the power to remind Aemond of his place — he can throw him off the council with a snap of his fingers, he can take offense at Aemond’s attempt to publicly humiliate him (their conversation in High Valyrian — Ewan himself calls it a “public execution”). but that’s not what happens: as TGC phrased it, Aemond’s betrayal “breaks a bit of Aegon’s heart off”. an actual bully would’ve immediately pushed back, but Aegon silently sits down and doesn’t argue, he’s so defeated he can’t utter a word. he has the means to be a bully but he doesn’t contemplate it for a second.
📍 I don’t want to talk about S2EP6 because it makes me sick but I will reiterate one thing: never ONCE Aegon made fun of Aemond’s disability or tried to cause him any physical harm. just want to point that out.
there is no moral to this story, I guess. if you managed to read till the very end, thank you. if you still hate Aegon, that’s your opinion and you are allowed to have one — but please, for the love of god, just stop making shit up. no, Aemond was NOT bullied as an adult, absolutely nothing suggests that he was. Aegon was naive to blindly trust him and it backfired on him, that’s the actual story. and if you are so eager to hold Aegon accountable for his mistakes, maybe it’s time for Aemond to take responsibility for his actions too.
+ some of my favorite critical posts about Aegon and Aemond: x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x.
P.S. I will not argue with anyone so please don’t waste your time — I consider all my arguments solid and that’s enough for me. if you are thinking of sending me anon hate, pls go take a walk instead, it will do you more good. 🌿
#aegon ii targaryen#sorry if I sound passive-aggressive guys (I totally am)#I am just so fed up with barbecue jokes and people mocking Aegon’s suffering for no fcking reason#I log on to this hellsite and 90% of the fandom is suddenly like that#so I had to make this post simply for myself (and maybe for 3 other people lol)#to think that people made excuses for Luke who MAIMED Aemond for life and then dared to laugh in his face#but when it comes to Aegon everyone is nitpicking his every move without ever trying to take his feelings into consideration#aegond#aemond targaryen#hotd critical#hotd S2#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon#aegon the second#laura rambles#the greens
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thinking about how it's zooble saying this zooble, who has been trying to find "something that works" for them EVERY SINGLE DAY
#the amazing digital circus#spoilers#tadc spoilers#abstragedy#yes i am tagging with my ship shut up i got FED
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