#I ALWAYS OUTLIVE everybody on earth | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sugar-petals · 4 years ago

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♡ physical affection; levi

↳ NOTE. characterizing boyfriend levi, my passion project lmao! with some sexy moments included 👀

WORDS. ⇢ 7k

tags / warnings. ⚠️ smut, fluff, soft sub!levi x female reader, hurt/comfort hc, angst, shower sex, blowjobs + handjobs + boobjobs (yep. spoiling the captain), face-sitting, protected sex, soap kink, season 3-4 setting, no manga spoilers

Ready for a surprise? It’s not really about what kind of skinship he’s extremely selective about and what not. This is only something people would perceive about him at first glance. Instead, it comes down to how emotionally sheltered he feels. Because of his experiences, that predicates everything else. Which is why Levi’s sexuality is as complex as it is.

But also, in its sudden perfect expression once a person gives him a different perspective: That’s the time when he is touchier. The more in private, the better. The lights down low, with only a candle or two shining from another room. Broad daylight brings the harsh truths and the shaking ground. Nighttime is when Levi feels more intimate and open to caress, down his back and arms, the shoulders, the side of his neck. Done with extreme gentleness, and all of your deep respect.

If you offer him an environment of trust, Levi is open to almost anything and would even magically doze off in your arms for a little while. Breathing softly, resting for the first time in weeks, the brows becoming less tense the deeper he sleeps. You asking if you can stroke his hair (carefully, not messing it up or anything) is something he can’t say no to. The closet romantic in him will fulfill you any reasonable wish as soon as you’d ask anyway.

We know how receptive the captain is to a request, and how much there can be a soft spot for somebody in his heart. If you’re forward enough to just ask, Levi sets himself that goal and opens up. He is diligent with it just as you’d expect. That especially includes the things he says are „absolute horseshit nonsense“ and „disgusting, useless activities“ when reacting to newly formed couples kissing in the survey corps at the other end of the room. Is he a hypocrite and a hater? Actually— not at all.

Levi is a raised rather than born skeptic. Between courage and care, he is always gonna be torn. Both didn’t work in his favor at some point. But at the end of the day, he fears recklessness more than being cautious. Looking at these couples, he knows that they could lose each other the very next day. Or hell, the next hour. Not everybody has 200 titan kills.

Not everybody is a physically indestructible Ackerman destined and designed to escape death and outlive others whether they want it or not. And showing themselves this vulnerable out in the open is even more dangerous considering all the political intrigues, chaos, attacks, and espionage going on.

When he’s scoffing at skinship in the survey corps, it’s not his intent to ruin the couples and their little happiness in the present moment (nothing he sees as more tragically precious), or say only he can have a relationship because he’s strong enough to make it survive. If anything, Levi is the prime example of how all his connections were doomed exactly because of his status pulling in all the danger. He very well and painfully knows.

What I mean is: He sees the brutality of consequences that can create more misery than if two people would just go about their business. Levi already dreads that the same might happen to him. But after all, the behavior of others is easier to rectify than his own undeniable feelings for you. Which he cannot control in any way, which is why he reacts to others instead. Looking at other people holding hands, he’s also afraid how dabbling in love is a distraction from threats that can even backfire on uninvolved others if someone is suddenly in harm’s way.

Levi does associate physical touch with something that takes an otherwise observing mind off when it shouldn’t be. To him, it creates something so valuable that can become an unintended burden through all kinds of circumstances, he’s seen it all, it’s terrible he had to. And the reason why he has such a torn relationship with it. You really have to know your stuff to build a resilient little bubble where Levi is not constantly hypervigilant and either past- or future-focused.

Which is pretty damn hardwired into him. It’s almost impossible to bring on that kind of atmosphere spontaneously. It has to be ritualized. His intelligence comes with the downside of overthinking and having problems with spontaneous romance, it’s good to direct his thought into something that’s always done in a specific, structured way. You sit down with tea, put the candles on, Levi finishes cleaning his weapons, makes everything combat-ready and usable in seconds, and you carefully lay down on his impeccably made bed together.

Which he never uses, Levi sleeps in chairs. Or on the ground, so he can feel any titan steps in the distance with his whole body, using the cleanest possible mat or towel as a mattress and nothing else. The bed he basically just makes to have it neat, and for you, and to have a spot to lay together.

But yeah. He will never remove his harness. Not even when you’re sleeping with each other. He’s not once gonna risk having to put it on in a hurry. The only time you will be skin to skin with him is for not even five minutes under the shower. It’s when his cleanliness beats his anxiety around being always ready, which is why that’s a time to fully cherish.

And then, he really has no qualms about you wrapping your hands around his soap-covered torso in the shower anyway. It’s the only time his inner default germaphobe is not vehemently screaming inside his already heavy heart. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, this is about his demons only, confronted with the immense relief you give him. If the latter wins over his mind’s struggle, Levi might draw out the shower time sometimes.

The other voice that tells him ‚don’t make it end so soon’ is now finally convincing him. He will dial down the water stream so he can hear what’s going on outside better to compensate, to know if there’s any ruckus or approaching hazards. Levi has instructed a fast runner among the cadets to bang on the front door under any critical circumstances immediately in the first place.

Levi says he wants to save water, too. He won’t admit it, but he also turns the showerhead to a medium pressure to hear your calm, almost-quiet moans — the barracks have terribly thin walls — better when you’re sucking him off. Slowly, smoothly, not too much spit. Folded towel under your knees because Levi insists, and he is right. The showers in the survey corps have uncomfortable floor tiles.

He makes sure you won’t get soap in your mouth as well, I don’t have to tell you that he is very circumspect. Levi isn’t usually feeling overly heated in moments like this, but he gets hard and releases fast. You swear his cum tastes like afternoon tea with milk but you won’t tell him that. And who doesn’t like tea and Levi’s homemade milk, no complaints alright.

What’s still a shame is that Levi, always being in such a constant hurry and alertness, puts too much stress on his body for him to become horny all the way. In fact, he often forgets it. He feels numb, and can’t fully take in the sensations. Levi has not been able to feel a lot of genuine pleasure in his life.

A racing mind is an absolute sex killer, and his adrenaline spikes are so high in combat that most normal things don’t do anything for him. Which is why he brews his tea extra strong. But seriously: It’s a concerning thing. And it tells you to take your time. With his whole body, doing the things he loves the most. And what else could that be? It’s straightforward: Keepin’ it clean.

You make sure that Levi feels extra comfortable by thoroughly massaging his loins and thighs with a sponge during foreplay. Yes, you’re gently working him up. All in circles and light brushing motions. Lots of soap. Suave and bubbly, like silk on his skin. It’s handmade, with oat milk, lavender, and honey. For your honey. You regularly gift a new one to him to try out scents and have supply. You can guess how much Levi appreciates it, to the moon and back in fact. The present box is neatly stored on his office table where he can always see it.

Sending out its balmy fragrance throughout the day, making the room smell amazingly aromatic to him. His nose will never grow tired or accustomed to it. Levi puts the soapbox in a drawer within literal split seconds when someone who isn’t you enters the room. „Tsk, announce yourself when you knock…“ That could even be the newest recruit who doesn’t know anything at all about the place and people. But this is just a you and him thing.

Levi doesn’t want nosy questions from the squad even though nobody would probably even notice the soap laying there in its case, much less ask him about it or the fresh scent in the air because duh, it’s Levi’s office. But it feels absolutely personal for him — so he reacts sensitively about it. This man would probably protect your lavender soap with his blades if he had to.

The captain is very secretive about your relationship in general. Who on earth would go as far as buy him a new scented bar of joy bi-weekly? At this point, he would crawl on hot coals, needles, lava, ice shards, desert sand, and a mile-long straight of legos (laid out by a maniacally laughing Zeke personally) for you.

Although you wouldn’t allow any of it. Nothing should ever hurt those kitty paws, I mean captain hands and captain feet. You’d put Zeke on blast on your own, luring him with a banana to confuse his senses and then, whack, homerun the monkey into the ocean with Levi’s bristle broom. Problem solved. Anyway.

Levi wouldn’t hurt himself willingly that way either, the ice shards don’t stand a chance. He has sworn to protect his own life out of self-respect, to honor those passed by living on bravely toward the goal they worked for and being the one always coming home to you. You can rely on him.

So enough about gleaming hot coals and Zeke’s evil legos, back to the point — you already get what I mean. Levi might seem totally grumpy on the outside, but for sure is a devoted man, a caliber as always. He takes all of your presents to heart and is unbelieving as to why he’d be deserving of so much. You prove a point using the gifts as regularly as possible on his body. Where he can feel every bit of your fondness of him. And remember it with muscle memory. Oh shit, this soap does smell so good. As anything on him, who are we kidding.

Dousing Levi with all your attention is the best thing ever. He feels great relaxing with you, and his face softens up. He’s looking at you with a tiny smile in response to you whispering sweet things to him, all while you’re using the sponge on his legs, the chest, and ever-tense back that can definitely use some alleviation. „Thank you for cleaning me“ has got to be the best thing ever to hear from Levi Ackerman. It means the entire world to him. Captain, your mommy kink is showing. His arousal increasing is a natural side effect in no time.

Recently, you’ve been slipping his cock between your breasts as well, and it’s been slowing him down a lot after an eventful mission. While at the same time making him more in the moment, he really enjoys you gradually lathering him up like that. The feeling of skin on skin is amazing. It might be something that… often crosses his mind when he trains during the day, but he can blend it out for the important things. Until you do it all over again, and he ruminates about how much you turn him on until the sun rises.

You also never do a blowjob hands-free. Why would you, anyway? His body is amazingly buff and compact, you want to hold onto those gorgeous lil’ hips and his own hands that need a fair share of holding after carrying the world. You feel him twitching on your tongue when you run either hand over his ass and abs, making sure to trace across all his most erogenous spots there. What’s more: Levi feels really protected and soothed when he feels your palms on him under the streaming water, he can’t explain it.

That's why you like doing shower handjobs just as much. I don’t have to tell you that Levi really delights in them as well and his poker face regularly cracks a bit. His eyes fixate on you, you can tell the connection and involvement. He thinks your fingertips are heavenly, a welcome change to his rugged days.

He loves how softly they tease and stimulate him with the smallest movements and subtle presses. Yes, Levi doesn’t like rough action, those are vulnerable moments. He has enough brutality elsewhere, violently jerking him off and insulting him would be entirely inappropriate and even scare him.

He’d probably brush your wrists off right away, it’d be so uncomfortable in the silence of the evening. A tender chain of kisses on the nose tip, chin, collar bone, and especially forehead gets him going a lot more. The more chaste and doting the kiss, the more he melts on the inside.

His anxiety baseline goes down, and he feels like he can let you in. However you guide him and however you choose to indulge him with your lips, Levi is on board, quietly enjoying. Since it’s something that he’s still feeling so new to, leaving you the active role comes naturally.

Stroking him with a deep pace, carefully brushing your lips against his to give him goosebumps — Levi definitely grows into that. In those moments, he really feels taken care of, in safe hands, hands that will stay with him. He’s gonna be surprised just how good something like this feels many times. And be overwhelmed by pleasure to the point where it almost frightens him, he didn’t have that a lot until now.

The satisfaction of a spotless table simply does not compare. Just so you know: He will either be dead silent or mumble under his breath nonstop. That he is okay with you touching him below the belt and even take him in your mouth tells you how much Levi trusts you, how much he knows you love him, and how meticulously he’s already scrubbed and shaved himself beforehand. Yes, the sheer preparation. He puts a lot of work into his body. He couldn’t stand you becoming dirty.

That’s also why the shower is the place oral goes down. And even there, he uses like ten cleaning products to double rinse the stall and himself before and after. Mind you. He sees you eating healthy, brushing your teeth well. Your lips are very beautiful and a masterpiece of nature to him. So it’s not you who he thinks is dirty. Levi is pretty damn paranoid about his own skin and hygiene. If only he would think about himself the way he thinks of your body.

He feels like he has to earn it, be acceptable, and prepare himself endlessly to enjoy touch. Even then, he thinks he must be ugly and revolting. You have to respect him fussing about it rather than forcing him to cut down on his routines. You don’t criticize his perfectionism and see the motivation behind it. So instead, you reassure Levi your own way.

The more he sees you having fun and enjoying his body, the more accepted, confident, and clean he feels. Most people would like to see their partner play up the enthusiasm obviously (unless you have a ‚hiding his amazement’ emo boy kink, which is exactly why you like Levi don’t cha), but it’s particularly meaningful to Levi. Guess why he looks up to Armin’s mentality, and Hange is one of the few people who truly vibe with Levi.

She’s easily amused, dedicated, swooning, excited, and constantly eager. Levi does appreciate a bit of zeal in someone. If you’re a little ardent about touching him, it’ll give his esteem a boost he’s long needed, oh god. Nobody has the guts to praise this guy like that, even if he’s so extremely good-looking. Don’t let him off the hook there. Give him feedback, you’ll be surprised how much it resonates.

It’s already apparent to yourself how keen you are being touchy with him, hell, you’re so in love. Still, it’s a good idea to give him an idea how stoked you are. He doesn’t like it fast and brutally raw without a second thought, but passionate is a whole other debate. A simple „Levi, stay like this, let me do it“ or „Levi, you smell so good“ works wonders. Say what you think and his ease will set in. And I don’t have to tell you that you won’t look like sex is a chore anyway. With Levi, that’s an honor and a pleasure.

That he puts his faith in you and gives you his time is already a massive deal and goes against everything we know of him, what he’s used to, and how his avoidant personality works, being so ridden with losses. And it’s all because of how much you desire and approach him. That’s what it comes down to.

Even if he’d suffer decades from yearning, he’d not go out of his way to kickstart something, never ever. He’d feel like he’d cause you so much trouble. You wanting him so badly and treating his body like a treasure on the other hand changes his mind.

It proves him wrong all the way. There is still time to enjoy love, the chance is now. Anything else would plague Levi with solitude and self-pity all over again. And the feeling of missing you around in his rooms. Two teacups on the table until he grows old and grey are his ideal of a good life, after all. He will open himself to your emotional and physical presence, realizing how touch-starved he is, and how much it improves his life to have someone to kiss and lay down next to at night.

The even breath at the back of his neck gives him a sense of finally someone sticking around with him side by side, even if he’s gone during the day. It feels good and right to be wanted by you, and nuzzling his face into your cotton dress. Your commitment gives him the little smiles and the silver lining he’s been searching for. He can’t label that feeling, but it’s joy of life and humankind, more than just a willingness for it. He would stay forever pained and bitter if he wouldn’t invite it in now, and you won’t waste that chance with being silent.

You’re attracted to everything about him, tell him, make him aware. The voice, the hair, the mannerisms, his height, his abilities, his mind, his care for others, the posture, how soft his cheeks are, the list is endless. Levi won’t miss how much he’s your type at some point. Which gives him a lot of ease, comfort. You show him that his inferiority complex was an entire smokescreen in his mind.

He fucking deserves to be called handsome. And by the way — you can lust over him as much as you want when he’s made that time window for your couple stuff. It’s good if you make it as obvious as possible for him. Which is hard to hide anyway. You’ve been masturbating over Levi just sitting there sternly writing something. And he’s like why, and you’re like, it’s you! Look at you!

Levi does want you to touch his skin all over but it’s always sore. And he remains insecure on many days. So he only has particular comfortable spots in the first place. Since hardly anybody dares to touch him, and even if he pats someone’s shoulder nobody would ever be courageous enough to reciprocate, you would feel a bit like a lab scientist. Silently theorizing over him at first even if you really don’t have to. Other people say they’d rather run towards a titan than expose themselves to Levi’s moods, swords, and barking tone after trying to caress him in any way.

News flash, Levi has had such terrible moods since forever because there’s no affection coming to him from anywhere just because people decided he might not need it. And no, he won’t yell at you for touching. He finds it very sweet of you instead. Touching Levi always creates an occasion that will float around in his head for the entire day, that’s guaranteed. He sees how someone goes out of their way and cares for his well-being. He might not like it like standing in the middle of the whole corps, but anywhere else is fair game, at home anyway.

The pressure of dealing with threats he can manage to a degree, and he has lord how many coping strategies. The lack of love he cannot. Big difference that everybody seems to confuse. On top of how he has to be unrelenting in his position because battlefield and the Yeagers being a pain. Most people — except maybe Armin — see that as a closedness to touching altogether.

The whole world seemingly can't intuit Levi’s craving of gentleness behind the arguably pretty convincing armor, but still. It seems like only a few souls ever think about the Levi that sits down on his bed in the evening completely depleted. You have to make it clear to yourself and him that it’s obviously a one-dimensional way of looking at Levi Ackerman and not good for him.

Which has covertly shaped how he interacts with others in return like a vicious spiral, which is why he blames solely himself for his depravation. And, how severe and untouchable the circumstances made his character. Yes, Levi despises himself for being inaccessible and unable to change it on top, added to how it happened to him over the years.

Which he had pretty much zero influence on being basically at the gunpoint of life. It’s what you hate seeing the most and comfort him about with brewing tea. It definitely comes back tenfold, Levi won’t take it for granted when you brush out his hair and speak soothingly to him in the evening. „I don’t care, those are all reasons why you’re the apple of my eye“ seems to be what makes Levi’s heart a little mushy in particular.

He is very preoccupied with blame at the start of your relationship. Levi is torn apart by daily guilt and a constantly looming perception of failure to show an opening to his heart. He also crumbles under how the majority of people don’t take him seriously, overreact, or fear he snaps back into soldier mode — he doesn’t — when he does show affection.

That you gaze behind his reputation and touch him without prejudice is the most important thing to him. You can ignore his mad and gloomy expression, Paradis has carved it into his face for half an eternity (the other half is for you and him when this is over). It doesn’t mean he’s angry on the inside about you. The causes for his madness are way elsewhere, knowing his early story it goes without saying. What made Levi callous and broken-hearted are things very opposite to you.

Those who only see and enjoy his fighting personality probably want him as their poster boy, people who are reflected enough to bother with the idea of a private, cuddling Levi are the only truly caring ones. Because private Levi needs that physical and emotional connection the most. Patting his cadets on their heads is only a little, albeit meaningful moment. The teacup is still half-empty regardless if you wanna think of it in those terms.

Because he can only do so much in terms of initiative — which already shocks people to the point of paralysis, which ruins the moment since he assumes it’s not appreciated then — and it’s only one-sided. Giving isn’t fully making him happy even if it’s his only option given how most people perceive him.

The teacup only fills to the brim if Levi can let go for like half an hour getting some good ole kitty on your lap treatment. He silently lays there and enjoys your hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He looks genuinely peaceful that way. His hand palms gently at your thigh and knee, and rests there all tranquil while he ruminates about his day and how lucky he is to have you.

The whole ‚theorzing rather than going for it‘ thing stems from you listening to those people a bit too much at the beginning. Instead of asking Levi directly about touch, and to be fair: Not a single human being has done that yet, you try to figure him out at a distance. Which is also a good thing though.

You learn about many Levi habits others would overlook, misinterpret, or don’t think have any meaning. The more you learn about him, the more understanding you become, the more protective you will be, the less he will avoid intimacy. Because Levi really doesn’t want to shy away, but often his body has too much memory in it to be instantly receptive. So it rather starts with the mind, then.

The irony is. Levi rejecting bonds with others as not to have them weigh heavy on his mind when fighting will only make it worse. You make a statement to him that if he fully immerses himself in what you have, he can fight better and actually be without those godforsaken regrets he’s always talking about. That’s why when you’re having sex, you make him look in your eyes and kiss their lids, and wrap your legs around him very firmly because Levi has to know he’s deeply yours.

Hugs, the same thing. You squeeze the last curse out of him every time and tell him to hold you tight as well. You do have to tell him twice. Just because Levi is the strongest man in history, doesn’t mean he embraces very roughly. In fact, Levi is not used to this at all. Even more irony. Paradis’ ever-swearing, most badass titan killer with the physical excellence of a hundred acrobats can’t execute the simple act of putting his arms around you in a normal, casual way.

The why is the harder thing to talk about. Last time he got proper, truly loving hugs was way over 20 years ago. From Kuchel, during a time where he was too young to remember these things long-term. Let that sink in. It confuses him when he does it and even more so when others do. Kissing Historia’s hand even as a light official gesture was already completely unusual for him and a first time.

Levi doesn’t go beyond what he sees others doing in that regard. No extra miles, just imitating. Now think of him with something as big a deal as embracing his lover for minutes. He lets his arms just hang there and you gotta make him learn how to intertwine fingers or how to press his palms on your back. You’re the one holding him tight there, while Levi’s mind and stare go blank, he’s even more speechless and perplexed after confronting his uncle back then.

I’m not kidding. You have to ask Levi to be forthcoming with those things as well, it simply does not occur to him, and he’s unsure about everything there is to it. What a loveless world this guy is in. If it already frustrates you to see him struggle, imagine how deprived he must be. One of his inner blocks is, Levi has major jealousy of guys who are what he thinks a better hugging height. It’s obviously the other way around to anybody who’d be in love with Levi.

Of course he has the best hugging height by far. What’s not to like? He’s ideal. But in his perspective, imagine all these people above him wrapping around each other in moments of enthusiasm, shoulder-level on shoulder-level, or only with slight differences. And when it comes to him, it feels awkward because they feel strange bending down only for him and Armin.

And that’s probably the issue. Because it’s much better not to bend and try and intertwine, but just have Levi bury his face into your winter coat without a hassle. You don’t have to be perfectly chest to chest to make it work. Besides… romantic hugs are always a bit different. And, you invite Levi to do exactly that with you. Since Levi’s pet peeve is politeness, you’ll also have to show him the difference between mere courtesy and love, he hasn’t fully learned it either.

But just so you know. Levi is not a naive baby or raging bull in a china shop once he has given his love to someone. He observes well, adapts well. When it’s heartfelt, when it’s the right moment, it comes out almost by surprise, he’s feeling it and he will respond to you. With serenity and intent.

If there’s someone who can be unpretentious with physicality, that’s him. He just has to transfer that to romantic gestures and Levi will be the perfect lover after some time. He’ll end up like, „Eh, so what. We do this hugging thing!“ — Hilarious. Levi, knowing his battle tactics, does have a sort of innate courage to approach bodies: This time, it’s about someone he wants to give pleasure and gratitude to, though. Which will feel very different.

And you’re a lady he’s all whipped for, that changes everything. He might sort of try to lean at the wall next to you, to murmur about you kissing him after eating cake so he’s full of crumbs „and now I have to dust it all off again, hmph“, but he is not prepared for another kiss and you tickling him pinned against the wall (he’s not ticklish, but you still love it, and Levi has a thing for you being all over him despite his stoic face).

So yeah, Levi will be super grumpy and do the „Oi oi!“ thing, but also turn around so you won’t see the blush. Man, is he embarrassed. He will try to waddle away awkwardly to do paperwork, but no chance if you tug him back by the sleeve, dust off his shirt from crumbs, and squeeze his cheeks into a perfect Levi snoot. I’m telling you, he has a nice pouty face.

He might assume that you’re out of your mind because nobody has done that with him yet, but once you tell him that you just wanna look at him because every day might be the last, he sees the point of your antics. Merely saying you kiss him just because won’t make sense to the captain, it’s gotta have a purpose for the future.

So, you will tell him to always remember what your soothing lips do on him before he draws the blade tomorrow, and that he has plenty of filthy crumbs to come home to. „I think that’s right by what we’ve seen today“ is what he’ll admit, and carries you off to the bed to get grinding because all that stuff made him kinda turned on. Or rather, you grind, Levi on the other hand gets flustered. He complains about you being a tease at length since he’s having a huge she-pinned-me-to-the-wall boner.

You sit on his face to take it even further and as his favorite treat, end of discussion, your goddess is here mister. Geez, you’ll make him a hot mess. That dick won’t go soft anytime soon. You’ll talk to him about when his face is already ruined with cake crumbs, he has nothing to lose, gotta clean up anyway. The grumbling noise from below tells you that the argument is a good one. For good measure, you palm at his trousers to see his legs react and his voice suddenly hitch. Ah, it’s a wonderful day.

Levi knows a thing or two about holding his breath correctly, but what he likes the most is that he feels perfectly sandwiched between thigh Rose and thigh Maria. Yeah, he does consider them his personal comfort walls and hopes they’ll always be there. Congruently, Levi wraps his arms around them, in fact it’s locking rather than wrapping, and you’re like I see wow he’s serious.

On goes his tongue lapping away between your labia pretty much incessantly. The arousal is so intense, you have to breathe in yourself. Oh shit, Levi is gonna try to finish you off, shots fired. Not fast, but insisting. He does not bother with you panting pretty damn hard whatsoever. He’s calling people like that, but Levi might be the real brat all along.

Fair enough, he currently doesn’t hear anything, which he also loves the idea of. All day, people everywhere are talking nonsense, and now he gets to enjoy perfect silence. His ears are small, they’re easy to cover with thighs. He just goes on and on and gets you past lord how many brinks with a heated buildup.

There are a lot of evil things Mister Zeke has said and committed, but by far the most offending thing he has yet insinuated is that Levi is not popular with the ladies. Blasphemy, treason, outrage, éclat, trickery, criminal offense, international slander, the most grueling case of fake news since the horse left the building, and no, Jean is not meant. With those oral skills, any lady interested in him would get a permanently bleeding nose and something else permanently wet as you can personally attest to.

If Paradis would even remotely know what he can do in bed (and they would if Connie told them, he lives next door), even more people would run down his house than they already do to get a piece of him. Jesus Christ, the Ackerstamina. But I mean. People are probably suspecting it.

How can you not move like a god in bed if you can bend yourself into any Pythagorean shape mid-air. Him being a fighter also gives him experience with managing energy when you have sex, I’m not kidding. Levi can even handle you thrusting right back on his tongue, and even your jokes about how he’s getting the cream to his tea now.

Levi is already kind of dripping in juice. His fingers are sweaty, this time it’s something on his face and hands he prefers though. He won’t wipe it off just yet. So you take on the task to put a condom on him — kind of expensive, mysteriously imported, gotta make every one count my friend — and have Levi take you from behind to soil the bedsheets completely at this point.

Levi lets all the leaking happen, of course he notices, and yet he’s too focused on you gripping his cock hard all the way. So much for walls. Levi has to surrender to the thought of you squeezing him in any way you fancy at this point. That doesn’t just include the face, that much he learned. His cock is gonna fall off, you tighten up so much and make him squirm, Levi’s all blissed out.

He can’t handle your ass either. He just stares like the Founding Titan invented a brand new method to hypnotize the Ackermans or something. Although. Why’d you need to come up with something, though? People they love completely enthrall them already.

If we know something by now, it's that every Ackerman gets completely fucked in the head out of the blue and sent to another dimension when they’re with the love of their life, no hypnotizing device needed. Levi is clasping his teeth for his dear life back there. People asking him if he’s gone mad he’d answer ‚maybe‘, but if you asked him if this made him lose it he would admit it.

Since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands again, you ask him to place them at your waist. „Properly, now slide in, Levi.“ — He takes his time for the first few thrusts, grunts, but gets the hang of it, in fact he’s a pro in the making. All that vertical maneuvering can turn into horizontal maneuvering very quickly. Levi feels so strange and so good at the same time, it’s overwhelming. How can something he thought would be so dirty be this amazing?

And since this position allows him to penetrate you even deeper, Levi gets the full experience of being inside of you times two. The wet noise already turns him on, his body feels so warmed up, and he feels really shocked he’s doing this. Although his face won’t show, it’ll be concentrated as before. On the inside, Levi is losing it.

He can’t get enough of your body and how you tell him what to do, Levi will be driving it home in no time. You’re gonna have your jaw dropped by how lusty he can get yourself, but also love how he’s really breaking a sweat just because of your hard grip. Who would have thought. 14-meter class titans got nothing on you. Levi’s entire neck and chest is glazed over. You call him out on it, all you’re gonna get is a little ‚tch, that’s your fault, woman‘. I mean of course it is. He’s literally at your mercy. I told you he’s hilarious.

Little did you know that Levi will straight-up ignore his sweatiness and just continue, one heartbeat at a time, to really fill you out and make you feel good. Can you imagine. Levi dedicating like 20 minutes to make sweet love to you doggystyle.

He has a good feeling for keeping you just on the verge of cumming. He even reaches around to press two fingers into your clit after five minutes of figuring out his angles. You didn’t expect this at all. It’s as if Levi can read your mind going „but his hands are gonna get really messy, why?“ — he just goes on rubbing and says, deadpan: „Miss, do I look like I care.“

Some dirty things in the world are just there to annoy him. They’re not existing to make his life easier. And toilet humor-related things: We know Levi’s stance on that. Wet pussy on the other hand: Surprise. He thinks of it very differently. Levi is pretty caught off guard by the fact that you loving and adoring him is the reason you’re leaking so much.

It sinks in (um, literally) that you’re all drippy because you really want him inside. Not to mention that he constantly realizes just how attracted to him you are. Your desire for him, that’s Ackerman kryptonite. Levi doesn’t miss your eyes, nope. That motherfucker is a damn good face reader.

And— How warmed up your body feels in his hands, how you’re breathing. How you’re telling him exactly how to tilt to hit the good spots. How you’re sucking in air when he does just that. How you sound, grip the pillow, the sheets. Your goosebumps all over your legs. How your lips part. How you wait for every thrust. The way you tell him how good it is. Your pulse. Your own sweaty back, letting his hands on your waist slip and slide a little with the rhythm.

How he’s struggling not to moan his soul out and chokes back. How you’re softly moving to glide off, he’s gonna lose his mind. How much you’re enjoying him and how cute you tell him he is. Whatever you’d ask of him, he’s so ready to fulfill it. You having the absolute hots for Levi is probably gonna preoccupy him for the whole night while you’re sleeping and he sits in the chair.

He’s been shooting grumpy cat level eye daggers with extra Ackerpoison at the corps couples for walking around showing any signs of this. Making all those lovey-dovey faces or going to the back of the barn together. Levi has chased them with his favored broom to whoop-diddly-doop those horndog soldiers back on track, swirling his weapon of choice around to send a sweeping cloud of dust after them.

Whereas now… he has to deal with the fact that he really loves all that horny stuff. Cognitive dissonance 101 is striking him out of nowhere. I mean he’d not fuck in the barn, that one is truly disgustingly shittily bastardly filthy or however he’d word it, but you get the gist. He caught feelings and caught pleasure — and that’s such a good thing.

His problem is, Levi wouldn’t know how to fawn right back at you. Except saying „good job“ like he’d praise a cadet, but he decides that’s not something to say during sex. He’s very right about that indeed. So instead: He will always reply to you accordingly and with Levi-typical honesty.

If you say you love how he kisses your neck from behind, he will tell you he’s enjoying it as well because damn he loves that spot indeed (titans can tell you a story about it… Levi has such a neck fixation, that fucker). And: Letting actions speak the loudest with him. He’s a practical guy. Levi’s hands can to the most complicated reverse grips and all that crazy human Beyblade shit. Getting you off at his fingertips is gonna be his easiest exercise ever once he gets into it.

He doesn’t even do it to show off at this point. Levi is just that kind of a sex machine and eager to please, not to mention god, is he obedient and a giver in disguise. If Levi were offered the most luxurious, expensive tea available versus your breasts to suck on for a week given he’s free of titan duty… that cup is gonna turn cold. He loves the skinship and he loves giving you a fuckton of orgasms, as many as you like and as many he has time for.

Self-explanatory, this is something he will not feel one bit of regret about. Hours touching you is the farthest from wasting time to Levi. The less he holds back with his love, the more secure things become. He doesn’t feel the misery he thought he’d run into, nor does it feel like a reckless act that’s only something feeble.

The new soap every other week on his table alone reminds him you’re here to stay and like his every quirk, and make this a private thing rather than something to parade around. You never lied saying „Levi, you’re mine.“ He does wrap his head around the fact that all of this is happening with time.

Levi finds your relationship meaningful because it gives him feelings and exactly that emotional harbor he never had before, and he gifts you the reverence of your lifetime since Levi doesn’t half-ass anything. You reassured and guided him so much, he looks up to that, it breaks down his prejudice against loving more and more. That’s how you’ll feel intimate in all kinds of ways for very intense hours he can spare to make the most out of it.

From the light touch at his arm to making out until the candles burn down. And if you tell Levi to sell the deal and dedicate his heart, how can he not take that as a serious order. He has to be guarded to put his guard down, and that’s what you can offer him, and he will create something lasting out of it. Promise is promise to him, we all know.

RELATED: sub!levi hc (tea shop au) | life after war (levi’s happy end)

multifandom mlist | levi writings on ao3

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revolutionsoftheheart · 4 years ago

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I’ve spent the last few days thinking about what makes Jack Harkness fall in love with people who are unattainable for him.

By fall in love I don’t mean having a deep, satisfying, mutual, equal, emotional connection with someone. I mean the moment you fall, or rather the falling itself. Seeking that connection and yearning for it so badly it hurts, but not necessarily having found it yet. I think it’s something Jack is constantly searching for, and it’s exacerbated when he becomes a fixed point in time and starts outliving everybody he cares for.

And by unattainable, I mean someone who wouldn’t be a good match or someone who wants different things. The attraction and compatible personalities can be there, but the relationship would not be satisfactory to either character.

Exhibit A: The Doctor.

Despite how horribly the Doctor treats Jack at times, Jack believes the Doctor to be good, that he is the best person in the universe, that he will save them (him) and that he is infallible. He speaks of the Doctor with such reverence, and his love, like Martha’s, is so one-sided it hurts.

But Jack, I think, doesn’t just love the Doctor. He aspires to be like the Doctor—or I should say, to be the person he believes the Doctor to be: someone who is so a-okay with time travel and his own augmented lifespan that he doesn’t care about leaving people behind. But Jack can’t ever be like that because Jack cares deeply about the wellbeing of people. Just think about how he removes himself from Estelle’s life before it gets too complicated. (Estelle could actually be another example of his loving people he will never be with.)

The Doctor is the only immortal role model Jack has at this point in his life, and that’s someone who doesn’t do emotional connection very well. Someones who runs away when he can’t fix something, or someone. And Jack’s love for the Doctor is rooted in this hero-worship of the man as well as his own aspirations for himself that will never be met because that’s just a persona for the Doctor, the same way it’s one for Jack. Not showing who they are or how they really feel is about survival, for both of them.

Exhibit B: Gwen Cooper.

This is the one that is most fascinating to me as I rewatch Torchwood all these years later, with more life experience and a different perspective. Jack’s love for Gwen, similar to his love for the Doctor, is not strictly about physical attraction or compatibility. It’s in part about what Gwen represents: a normal lifespan, a family that grows old with you, a life outside of aliens and rift activity. Things that Jack wants, but that feel impossible to him because while he could settle down for a couple years with someone, his own existence—that of someone who doesn’t grow old and can never die, that of an ex-time traveller who fights aliens—will always catch up to him.

Jack and Gwen are incompatible in that they want different things at this point in their lives: Gwen puts her family first; Jack puts the safety of Torchwood and planet Earth first. They love each other, but just don’t work together the way Gwen and Rhys do.

I then got curious as to why Jack was acting this way—going around, falling in love with people who are unattainable. The shows don’t delve that deep into character psyche, but I don’t think his attraction to the Doctor or Gwen is as simple as ‘oh, he’s in love them, but they don’t love him back the same way’ because that’s very surface level and would be pushing aside the traumatic experience that is simply living for Jack.

Jack loves these people because it keeps him going, keeps him running, and keeps the focus on someone other than himself. Because if Jack stops and thinks about himself, it hurts. And by investing in relationships that allow him that escape, he’s protecting himself from his own problems and shortcomings.

Now, looking at his relationship with Ianto, Jack seems to have the opposite problem. He’s so non comital in his love/attraction to him because Ianto IS attainable.

As far as we know Ianto doesn’t want the life Gwen wants (marriage and kids and a so called normal life). He was committed to Torchwood and chose Torchwood (One) and aliens and everything that came with it before he chose Jack. And Ianto, after the whole Cyberwoman thing, has no façade left. He is who he is and he loves Jack for who he is, and really just wants to get to know him, unlike the Doctor who finds Jack to be interesting, but shows no intention of getting to know him further once he becomes a problem he can’t fix. In a completely opposite way to his attraction to the Doctor and Gwen, Jack’s attraction/possible relationship with Ianto scares the shit out of him because it’s a very real, tangible possibility. In that sense, these two are compatible.

But for Jack, it’s easier to love someone like the Doctor or Gwen, who represent aspects of his life he thinks he can’t live up to or doesn’t deserve, than to love someone like Ianto, who fully accepts him and would make it easy. Jack goes for the hardship, for the relationship that from the start is sure not to work, because if it fails, it’s not on him.

#jack harkness #the doctor #gwen cooper #ianto jones #torchwood #doctor who #jack x ianto #i'm not going to tag the other pairings just in case this could upset people #??????#i hope it doesn't #i'm not familiar with this fandom enough #anyway that was very rambly and i hope it makes sense #i'm not sure i articulated the different relationships correctly #i'm just so fascinated by jack's character #and his sense of self-worth #and i will say about the doctor that i have very different feelings about 13 and jack #than i do about 10 and jack #and i think that 13 could be very good for him #and seems like a doctor who owns her past mistakes #and would apologize to jack and they could move on together #but i have very little hope that the show will give me that #don't you just love it when the tags are just as long as the post itself?#okay i'm gonna stop now #text post #long post

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lieblingspulli · 3 years ago

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The Final Lily

w.c: 3.8k

Jungkook x OC

Summary: Jungkook is a musical, artistic and Nighttime sky deity that falls in love with a mortal author. To keep her safe, he stays away and gives her gifts in order to make her dreams come true, even far after she has become a legendary playwright and has passed.

Masterlist!

The theater began to feel stuffy as people piled into their seats. All Jungkook could hear was the elite of Paris chatting away and the usual theater conversations. Jungkook wiped away some sweat from the back of his neck. It was hot in here.

Being packed in a theater like rats with the sweatiest people Jungkook had ever seen was not on his itinerary for today. He had seen marvels that no one had ever seen before and yet he was here sitting next to a Vicomte and his wife who sweat like pigs. Jungkook was disgusted. He tried to hide it. Jungkook wasn’t here to converse with sweaty nobility, he was here for a play. Or more so a retelling of a poem. A really long one.

The French nobility around him seemed to ignore him entirely, which meant his disguise was working. He had begged for Jin to cloak him so that he was not noticeable tonight. Tonight was deeply important to him and Jin knew why.

Jungkook recalled his conversation with Jin earlier. He was unsure about how Jin would react.

“Are you sure you want to go down there in your state Jungkook? They can see you and immediately recognize you from a mile away.” Jin looked at him, uneasy about this whole thing.

“Jin, you know I have to. Today is too special for me not to.” Jungkook pleaded and gave Jin his doe eyes. “I haven’t missed this day for almost four thousand years. I can’t do this without your help.”

“Yoongi would get mad at me for letting you sneak down there, looking so obvious. You can’t just pop up in the middle of Paris and expect not to be seen in a dark theater when you’re literally glowing Jungkook.”

Jungkook felt the frustration building in his throat and huffed.

“I won’t get caught, I promise. Really!” He waited a second and stared at Jin pleadingly who was looking a great deal uncomfortable with the prospect of letting the younger god just waltz into a human packed space when he was at the peak of his power. Jungkook knew this. He knew the dangers of going out like this, and he knew Jin knew it too. He grimaced and pleaded with his eyes to Jin as he could see the wheels turning in Jin’s head.

“I swear to myself, if you get caught, you never asked me, okay? This is so dangerous, you don’t even know how much trouble I would get in if Yoongi found out.” Jin nervously bit his fingers and gestured to nowhere in particular. Jungkook just grinned and ran out.

As the theater filled and people in unnecessary frilly dresses took their seats, Jungkook gripped the theater ticket in his hands. He felt empty, even with this ticket in his hand. He should have been happy, but he wasn’t. Jungkook stared at the title of the play for a good ten minutes before the lights started to dim and it took his vision of the ticket away from him. Jungkook heard the presenter say something in French, but he didn’t bother to learn the language so it just sounded like curly language to him. He wished he did learn it though, he wanted to hear all the praises that his Asteria would have cried over. He wanted to commit every single one to memory so that maybe one day, he could tell her how many people loved her work. Jungkook frowned and tried to keep his tears in. His heart ached but it was too early for that. Taking a deep breath, he looked up and focused on the curtain opening as two people (clearly actors) were positioned by a fake pond and started their scene.

The next two hours were like a blur for Jungkook. He knew every single word of this poem, every single breath, every single tear and every single kiss. He knew the words by heart and he knew what each cue meant. He could even give Namjoon a run for his money if he told him that he knew the exact pace at which each sentence should be spoken. Jungkook may have been a patron of writing and inspired many great writers, but none moved him as much as this piece did. This piece felt like it was for his eyes only, and Jungkook was angry that it outlived the person who should be right next to him, watching the actors say their lines with joy. The stillness of the theater felt strange, it was hot and stuffy, but each person focused intently on the actors who were fake crying and fake admiring the water. He studied everyone’s face when the main lead met her love and asked about her gifts. He smiled when everyone else did at the scene where the lead, whose name was Isidora, finally got to kiss the man who led her to happiness. Jungkook loved every part of this play.

Isadora’s eyes glinted in the theater spotlight and suddenly she was gleaming with joy. Jungkook’s unintentional aura had made her gleam like moonlight and the play was phenomenal because of it. Every careful line was read by her actor with vigor and drama, eager to show the audience the power of love. Agapinor, Isadora’s lover read his lines with fervor. Jungkook studied their faces for a while before their scene was over, not listening to their words anymore.

He knew why the lead’s name was Isidora, and it made him smile with joy but also cry tears of grief. Isidora was Greek for ‘the gift of the moon’. This poem was supposed to be a gift of the moon but really, it was a gift for him. It was a gift for the moon. Jungkook clutched his ticket tighter as he watched Isidora be ripped away from her love and never see him again. The ending always made him emotional. He could hear the sweaty nobles gasp and he almost regretted coming here. It was always like this and had been for centuries. Jungkook quickly left before the lights even turned on in the theater, away from those smelly people and snobby politicians. Away from his gift and away from the words of his love.

Jungkook briskly walked out, careful not to bump into anybody and attract attention to himself. It was enough that the full moon made him practically glow, but his presence at the theater had calmed everybody and made them emotional. He needed to leave before he was spotted. His heart burned and his eyes stung, but he made it to the edge of the brick ledge, overlooking the canal. In the water’s reflection he could see the point of the Eiffel tower, a metal marvel that amazed him every time he saw it. Jungkook thought Yoongi would have liked to see it, but Yoongi wasn’t the type to roam the streets of Paris, or any other city for that matter. He was firmly against human contact and had stayed away for centuries from them. The last time Yoongi graced Earth was when he had to come down and fix Taehyung’s last great flood near Sparta. That was also the last time he had seen Yoongi so mad. Jungkook shuddered at the thought.

He kept staring at the Eiffel tower and eventually he could see little specks in the sky, reflected from the water. It always happened like this. The play and then the meteors. Jungkook wanted to catch every meteor and cradle them in his arms. He wanted to see her again. A silver droplet landed in the water and made the canal water clear up a little. Jungkook continued to observe the blurry specks until he looked up and saw them clearly, despite his tears. The moon seemed to shine a little brighter and the meteors sparkled beautifully in the clear night sky. Jungkook decided it was time to go and see them for real now. He walked away from the ledge and pulled his trench coat a little tighter in.

Jungkook materialized behind a big oak tree that had been there for millenia. It was a very old oak tree, it should have withered long ago. But it was also a gift for him. Namjoon had perfectly preserved this grove in its entirety. The flowers here bloomed at the same time every year for hundreds of years. The grass never withered and the trees stayed green. The Mediterranean climate helped preserve the flora and fauna and Namjoon had even kept the pond the same for many years. It held the same beauty as it did when Jungkook was first led here. Even in the middle of the 17th century, this sacred place had remained untouched. Jungkook felt the cool breeze of the night and saw the same meteors he had seen earlier streak the sky with glittering white specks. Asteria would have loved to see the natural beauty of her special spot.

Tears welled up in Jungkook’s eyes as he carefully sat on the grass next to her pond. Little silver fish swam away from him as he touched a finger to the surface of the cool water. He tucked his sandaled feet under his thighs and crossed his legs over each other, careful not to pull the fabric of his chiton and so that the object he held in his hands could rest in his lap.

“I’m back for you my love.” Jungkook said to nobody. “Can I read to you? Just as you would to me, do you remember?” He managed to choke out, suddenly short of breath. The trees rustled with the slight breeze, but no answer. Jungkook was here alone, he knew that. But he still felt like he wasn’t. So he talked freely here, the only time he could talk to her with his real voice. Jungkook looked at the dartfish and nodded, ready to read.

He carefully opened the leather cover of his book and saw the charcoal markings inside the rough cover. This was the original book he had made her sign. In the bright moonlight, the leather and worn paper seemed gray rather than a faded brown. This relic was older than many buildings here, even older than the pantheon on the hill of Athens. It was made of real goat leather and rough scroll paper, made by artisans in her time. Jungkook ran his fingers along the paper and felt all the rough bumps. He didn’t touch the writing, afraid the charcoal would smudge as if it were fresh. He flipped the page and read the first lines of the book in his mind. He started to read out loud after he cleared his throat and wasn’t afraid anymore. His Asteria’s writing always made him less afraid. He read the first page and remembered her voice reading it. He breathed life into her words as she once did when she was creating them. Jungkook’s voice hitched at the end of the page when he read the same words Asteria had written as she began to voice her ambitions out loud. He could close his eyes and remember it like it was yesterday.

“I hope these words reach people outside of this small little village. I want them to be as famous as the classics.” Asteria whispered to herself as she scribbled some words in her newly bound book. Jungkook wanted to shout to her, “You will! I’ll make it so!” But he couldn’t. He couldn’t speak, so he only looked at her longingly from behind a thick tree, as if his words in his mind could reach her. But they didn’t. He watched Asteria continue to scribble on her first page of the book he had left for her.

“I also wonder if I’ll ever meet the man who left me these gifts. I hope it’s not Pheobos. His manners are worse than a pig’s. I want this man to be handsome and kind and loving. I hope I’ll get to see him someday.” She sighed out and shamelessly looked at the fish in the pond with longing. Jungkook was left with little restraint and wide eyes. She was so unabashed about what she wanted, he loved it. He wanted to give her everything she wanted and more. He wanted to love her better than any man could. Better than that Pheobos could anyway. Her tiny voice continued on with her proclamations.

“I probably shouldn’t be saying this but please, if anyone is out there and listening, Aphrodite, maybe? Let me see this man at least once in my life.” Asteria stopped writing and relaxed her shoulders as she watched the clear sky. “I want to see the man I’ve fallen in love with.” Her golden brown hair flew in the wind and it shined like golden thread. The breeze quickly died and she patiently stared at the glittering blue ocean, visible from her pond.

These words made Jungkook’s breath hitch and his heart flutter. His face felt warm and his ears, he knew, were red. He wanted so badly to just run out and say, “Here I am!” Jungkook listened in painful silence as Asteria waited for a sign, but Hobi had made the day too good, and nothing made a noise, not even with the wind. Jungkook wanted to throw a pebble or something to convince her that he was there and he would always be there. Asteria sighed and continued to write.

Jungkook clutched the book tightly but quickly let go in fear that it would crumble into ashes. He could feel his face still warm from his memory and he could remember how warm her presence had made him. Her entire being had comforted him, he wistfully wished for that again. He was afraid that his memories would turn to ashes along with his book, so he held it as if he were to hold her, never to let go. Jungkook squeezed his eyes as he let his tears run down his face and onto his hands. The silver droplets quickly disappeared and if anything, they made more meteors fall. He could feel the cool breeze caress his warm cheeks as if to comfort him, saying no more tears. He choked on his tears that quickly turned to sobs.

Everything in Jungkook told him that Asteria was his love and his only. Out of the millennia of him being alive, he only truly felt alive with her in his presence. Her warm smile and golden skin made him fall in love with her every time he pictured her in his mind. Her soft, delicate hands were made to write and he loved to see them work their magic. He fell in love with every part of her, from her fingers to her peach colored lips, to her eyes that held the stars. Jungkook could hear her laugh every time she smiled and he could hear it echo in his mind as he imagined her receiving the first copy of her book. He could remember her jumping excitedly as the publisher congratulated her for it. Her excited giggles were fresh in his mind as he sat here, centuries later without her.

Jungkook vividly remembered the touch of her fingers on his as they both reached for the pen she had dropped. When she looked at him, in his disguise of course, he had memorized the map of her face, the glint in her eyes and the beauty marks on her cheeks. He could paint a perfect picture of her just with his memories alone. Her insistent laugh as she apologized for being so unlady-like had been seared into his brain. Her tears had been solidified in his memories. Jungkook sobbed as he watched the meteors fall in grace. The moon mocked him with it’s glow. The meteors fell so beautifully against the midnight sky and the constellations his brothers had created that he wanted to snatch them and throw them into the ocean. Jungkook wanted to make her his. He wanted to bring her back and he wanted to show her the wonders of this new world. He wanted her to love him and he wanted to love her. He wanted to love her sunkissed fingers and her high cheekbones and her curly baby hairs and her smooth neck. He wanted to melt into her touch instead of his puddle of misery. He wanted to beg Taehyung and Jin to bring a soul back to life, even though none of them had the power to do so. He would traverse the planes of his own existence to bring her back. He would do anything for her gaze again.

Jungkook took a shaky breath and let the book float in his hands as it dematerialized into the space he called home. It would show up in his room later. Hands now empty of her writing, he felt uneasy again. Some tears made his vision blurry and he had cried enough times to know not to touch them or else it would make his eyes burn. His tears were supposed to heal him, as moonlight droplets usually would, but he found that his tears for her never did. They seemed to make his eyes burn and his heart hurt even more. Jungkook continued to observe this space, it’s natural beauty and the meteors that fell for her. He continued to wonder if he would ever see her again, in vain. Jungkook never got to hold her or kiss her or even tell her he loved her, but he just wished that she didn’t die feeling unloved. He loved her passionately and deeply, he stored her memories in his heart and locked them away for days like these. He seemed to find her face in every painting that Namjoon showed him. He found her words in every book he read.

Looking back down at the pond and the reflection of the stars in her pond, he finally spoke to her.

“I wish you were here to see how much you’ve come to be known.” The fish were startled by his voice. “I just wish I could have shown my true face to you, and loved you how you were. I wish I could have kept you with me forever.” Jungkook’s words died in the still air and he felt a tear slide down his chin once again. The meteors had slowed down and the moon was beginning to shift with the time he spent here. He never wanted to leave. He was so attached to this silly little pond, he felt like sleeping here if he could.

“Please say something.” Jungkook whispered. Nothing answered back.

The oak tree branches rustled with the slight breeze and he suddenly felt the chill. Asteria’s warmth was no longer here. Jungkook took this as a sign to leave.

As Jungkook leaned to push himself up off the ground, he spotted something glowing white in the moonlight. It caught his eye instantly, the object seemed to sparkle in the little moonlight that was left. He only realized what it was when he crawled over to it, careful not to block the moonlight.

Blossoming in front of his own two eyes was a delicate flower. It’s petals were soft, just like Asteria’s lips. The glowing white color brought Jungkook to the verge of tears. He trembled, afraid to kill it if he touched it. But he gently touched it anyway.

Right in the same spot that Jungkook watched his Asteria write her books for years was a delicate and fully blossomed white Lily. It’s leaves were strong and healthy, it’s petals soft and delicate. The strong floral scent of the lily hit Jungkook so hard, it brought him to full sobs again. The flower blossomed in the direction of the pond, but Jungkook felt like it was facing him, telling him it was okay. The healthy petals and yellow pollen spoke to him. They told him that this was it, without any words. Jungkook knew this was a sign and he sobbed into his hands, hating that he knew what it meant.

He knew that Asteria lived a long and good life. He wanted her to, so he protected her like a flower blossoming in his garden. Even after she was married and had kids, he left a white lily for her every day on this spot. Even when she stopped coming to their spot, he left her a blossom. Even after she was gone, he came here and left her a lily every day. Soon enough, he stopped coming too, too cowardly to face his grief of losing her. He could no longer see her or feel her warmth, so he no longer left her flowers. But this blossom, growing from this unchanging dirt that had stayed the same for centuries, it was for him. He could feel it. He somehow sensed that she knew he left her those things. This flower was proof. Jungkook softly caressed the petals and a silver teardrop fell on the ground beside it, making the soil become dark with fertility.

Jungkook sighed and furrowed his brows hard. Namjoon had taught him to manifest flowers eons ago, even if he did not have the power to do so. He felt like he had to, for Asteria. He needed to leave a sign for her spirit, so she could rest in peace. He needed to say something to her finally for the first time. So he tried.

Carefully Jungkook shifted himself to the space next to her flower and held his shaky hands just above the soil. Using the still fertile soil, he concentrated long and hard, imagining the scent and exact color of his new blossom. As he held his breath, he lifted his hands in a slow upward motion and felt a soft stem poke his palm. Jungkook opened one eye and saw a flower growing right before his eyes. In a matter of seconds his flower had opened and bloomed a bright orange lily with black specks on it’s petals.

The fertile soil and his heightened abilities had made the stem thick and strong, the petals seemed hearty. They gleamed with the bright moonlight. Jungkook admired his work and noticed that a vine off the stem had grown over to the white lily and curled around it’s stem. Jungkook’s burning eyes welled with more tears and he shifted his weight back onto his feet while sitting on his knees. This would be his final goodbye for her. A final gift to his other half. A final testament of his love, these blossoms would live eternally in this Eden of theirs. Jungkook slowly got up and willed the rest of his energy into one last star that shined bright in the sky. The closest one to the moon, he willed it to shine brighter than any other star in his night sky. Jungkook’s tears flowed freely as he walked away from his memory of her forever.

#Jungkook #bts #oc #deity #namjoon #yoongi #hobi #jin #jimin #taehyung

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petrichormeraki · 5 years ago

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Danny Phantom Headcannons Because I'm Hyperfixiating

Danny is a trans boy

Sam is nonbinary (female presenting, comfortable with She/Her)

Every Earth Day Sam drags the boys out to the park to plant trees (they both complain but it's actually a lot of fun for all of them)

Tucker listens to Hatsune Miku (I have no support for this I just think he would)

Danny and Tucker both have ADHD

Danny hasn't given up on his dream of becoming an astronaut despite his situation

He LOVES infodumping about space but holds himself back because he got made fun of for doing it at school

Sam has a tumblr

Danny had an existential crisis exactly once and that was when Tucker's pet turtle died and Danny had a panic attack at the funeral because he suddenly realized he didn't know if he could die anymore (not that he was eager for death, but he didn't want to outlive everybody he loved)

Sam managed to calm him down from it via reverse nihilism (?) but it's always at the back of his mind

Tucker walked right into a wall when he saw a pretty girl once and the others have never let him live it down

Sam took the boys to a concert of one of her favorite bands and it was the best night of their lives

Sam took a selfie with them after the show was over with an old Polaroid camera and they each have a copy of it

Danny keeps his in his locker, Sam has hers in her wallet, and Tucker framed his in his room

Sam is into punk rock (unsurprisingly)

Danny likes old 2010 party music (Die Young, TiK ToK, Party in the USA, that sort of thing)

Tucker REALLY loves the Transformers franchise even though he just complains about the tech all the time and how unrealistic it is

This is getting long so I'll make a part 2 if y'all like this :D

#meraki post #danny phantom #i have SO MANY HEADCANNONS

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psybombscorpion · 5 years ago

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Something about Spinel...

I came to a strange conclusion about everybody's new, favorite, pink, goofball.

We all know how kiddish and playful she is in her initial form, and presumably was always that way up until Steven's initial peace broadcast, which she listened to and formulated her plan soon after. Then something dawned on me:

This entire movie takes place in one day.

If we assume Steven made this broadcast in the early morning, and MOST of the movie is spent trying to get the gems back to normal, Spinel had AT MOST 3 hours of preptime.

That's 3 hours to get her hands on the injector and rejuvinator/learn enough about Steven and the Gems to beat them upon their first meeting. Granted, Spinel had the element of surprise as Amethyst said: "I'm rusty" so we can assume all the gems were as well, but even with those factors, Spinel managed to beat all 4 gems on their initial meeting. That is no small feat. She was strong AND intelligent enough to formulate and conduct a plan to sabotage earth in THREE HOURS at best, which leads me to a conclusion.

Spinel was designed to become smarter/more powerful.

Hear me out, though it is true that the Diamonds tended to coddle and baby Pink Diamond, given her Authority, it seems like they planned to eventually give Pink her own colony. Spinel, seemingly created to be nothing more than a playmate WOULD outlive her "use" once Pink matured enough to be given a colony. But as we know, Pink only gained a colony through a lot of whining and throwing tantrums, so she most likely "wasn't ready" to get one. When she did however, it was probably within Spinel's (programming I guess we'd call it?) to grow with her and become a stronger/more tactical gem in order to continue aiding Pink once she gained more responsibility. It seems too convenient that she was just... able to do just that so quickly and resourcefully.

So I suppose this is a long and roundabout way of saying:

If Pink took Spinel with her, she would have been an amazing asset to the Earth Colony, AND to the Crystal Gems after Pink's inevitable rebellion, but Pink is an asshole and left her behind to rot. So yeah,

Fuck Pink, Spinel is best gem don't @ me

#steven universe spoilers #su spoilers #steven universe #su #pink diamond #spinel #su spinel #su pink diamond #rose quartz #su rose quartz

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f4liveblogarchives · 5 years ago

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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #182

Wed Aug 21 2019 [11:24 PM] Wack'd: Strap in because we've got seven straight issues of Len Wein [11:24 PM] Bocaj: The LenWeinening [11:26 PM] Wack'd: So when last we saw our heroes Counter-Reed, who is Reed from Counter-Earth, had stranded Reed, who is Counter-Reed from Earth, in the Negative Zone, and then Annihilus was like "hey we need to team up" so he and Reed teamed up against the Mad Thinker who is some kind of green lion now [11:26 PM] Wack'd: Also Sue is on to Counter-Reed so she and Alicia have teamed up to find a plan to counter Counter-Reed [11:27 PM] Wack'd: Also according to the letters page, which I neglected to mention, the Editor-in-Chief door with all the names crossed out? A real thing that hung on Archie Goodwin's door for a while. The more you knoooooooow [11:28 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Ben, Tigra, Thundra, Impossible Man, and Johnny come back with the hot robot from last issue and try to get Counter-Reed to figure out who's behind it [11:29 PM] maxwellelvis: That's "hot" as in wanted or possibly stolen [11:29 PM] maxwellelvis: they don't, like, find the robot physically attractive. [11:29 PM] Wack'd: No, that's "hot" as in "generates a fuckton of heat" [11:29 PM] maxwellelvis: Ahh [11:29 PM] Umbramatic: why not both [11:29 PM] Bocaj: Por que no- dammit [11:29 PM] Umbramatic: or all three [11:29 PM] Wack'd: But also it might've been stolen because last issue the government was demanding to hold onto it, so [11:30 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Counter-Reed covers for his inadequacies by ordering Thundra, Greer (trying to use given names), and Impy to go double-check the bank for clues. As they leave Greer is like "hey, did anyone else notice we don't work for him, what the fuck is going on" [11:31 PM] Wack'd: She also had suspected Counter-Reed is not Reed but is in fact Counter-Reed [11:31 PM] Wack'd: God I hate imposter plots [11:31 PM] Bocaj: This is a lot smarter than people tend to be in imposter plots [11:31 PM] Bocaj: Like three people already onto him [11:31 PM] Wack'd: True [11:32 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Counter-Reed then tells Johnny and Ben that actually he's positive the robot came from the Negative Zone and they should go check it out [11:33 PM] Wack'd: In what I think is the biggest sign Roy Thomas' attempt to rehabilitate Reed has gone horribly wrong, Ben immediately leaps to the conclusion Counter-Reed shooed out Thundra and Greer because he's a patriarchal git [11:33 PM] Wack'd: And didn't want to send them on a dangerous mission [11:34 PM] Wack'd: To Ben's credit, he's also noticed Counter-Reed incessantly watching the Negative Zone monitor, but thinks it's because he wants to rescue his doppleganger because he's such a nice guy [11:34 PM] KarkatTheDalek: Does Ben this that’s good or bad? [11:34 PM] Wack'd: He does not make a judgement call, only acknowledges it as a known facet of Reed's character [11:34 PM] KarkatTheDalek: Ah [11:34 PM] KarkatTheDalek: Neutral Guy Ben Grimm [11:35 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Agatha also kidnapped Franklin recently. Remember that? We have like fifteen plots going on right now [11:36 PM] Bocaj: I do remember [11:36 PM] Wack'd: So apparently Agatha needs Franklin's powers to deal with something otherworldly invading her home [11:36 PM] Bocaj: Sure [11:37 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Franklin is like "I won't let anyone hurt you, Auntie Agatha" which is usually the part where the adult would say something patronizing about how brave they're being [11:37 PM] Wack'd: But Agatha is like "yes, obviously, that's the entire reason you're here" [11:38 PM] Bocaj: Agatha Harkness has always been patronizing but in a different way [11:38 PM] Bocaj: She's older than everyone and knows everyone is dumber than she is [11:38 PM] maxwellelvis: In the same way Animated Madame Webb is [11:38 PM] Bocaj: Also sometimes she's a ghost. And everybody knows ghosts are jerks [11:38 PM] Wack'd: ONLY. TOONAMI.

[11:39 PM] maxwellelvis: You thought that sounded like a soundbyte they'd grab for one of those rad promos, eh? [11:39 PM] Bocaj: They had that one about not being intimidated that played all the time [11:39 PM] Bocaj: I don't even remember what show it was from [11:39 PM] Wack'd: The joke is "we won't be intimidated by criminal threats" from the Fleischer Superman cartoons [11:39 PM] maxwellelvis: Ahh [11:39 PM] Wack'd: That soundbyte far outlived those cartoons, duration-on-Toonami-wise [11:40 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Agatha tries to do a magic battle with these shadowy figures but one of them has a gun that when fired locks Agatha's hands in heavy metal gauntlets [11:41 PM] Wack'd: And by the time Sue and Agatha arrive to collect Franklin, whoever these shadowy figures are teleport away with Agatha and Franklin [11:41 PM] Wack'd: They kidnapped a kidnapping [11:41 PM] Wack'd: Some kind of kidnap turducken [11:41 PM] Bocaj: Guns that shoot handcuffs? [11:41 PM] Bocaj: Ridiculous [11:41 PM] Bocaj: Only arrows can shoot handcuffs [11:41 PM] Wack'd: Not just handcuffs, they're like--I really should screencap this [11:41 PM] Wack'd:

[11:42 PM] maxwellelvis: He has a MAGIC GUN! [11:42 PM] Wack'd: Where'd he purchase that [11:42 PM] maxwellelvis: (Where'd he - dammit [11:42 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile! Ben and Johnny finally catch up with the rest of the plot [11:43 PM] Wack'd: See, back in issue 51, Reed designed a thing that was basically just a rope attached to a belt to tether folks to the...Positive Zone?...while they were in the Negative Zone [11:43 PM] Wack'd: But he nearly got stranded, decided they were too dangerous, and replaced them with a more Kirbyish full-body rig [11:44 PM] Wack'd: Ben and Johnny are well inside the Negative Zone by the time they realize haha, whoops! Reed strapped them into the early version [11:44 PM] maxwellelvis: "Roy's not the only one who can pull out ancient continuity, I'll show him!" -- Len Wein, probably [11:45 PM] Wack'd: So yeah, Ben and Johnny are about to turn back around and kick Counter-Reed's ass, but by miraculous coincidence, just as they figure out the plot, they find Reed and Annihilus [11:46 PM] Wack'd: Mad Thinker must've been thrilled when he found out he could possess a monster in the Negative Zone with his exact facial hair

[11:46 PM] Wack'd: I wonder if that's true for all Negative Zone beings. Maybe that's why Reed has a beard now [11:47 PM] maxwellelvis: You know, Kiko wasn't anywhere near as tall as his old man, technically speaking. [11:47 PM] maxwellelvis: I wonder if Ben's throwing that out there because Dino DeLaurentiis' King Kong had come out in the previous year. [11:48 PM] Wack'd: Probably [11:48 PM] maxwellelvis: Also, yes, "Kiko" is the name of the Son of Kong. [11:48 PM] Wack'd: So Reed, Johnny, Ben, and Annihilus beat a hasty retreat, and Ben and Johnny are like "hm, our Reed would never team up with Annihilus, maybe we were wrong" [11:48 PM] Wack'd: And then it turns out their tether cables have been cut [11:48 PM] Wack'd: Which settles the issue [11:50 PM] Wack'd: OKAY SO [11:50 PM] Wack'd: You wanna talk ancient continuity? [11:50 PM] Wack'd: This giant beast is not, in fact, a native of the Negative Zone, but one of Mad Thinker's robots that got chucked in there back in #69 and got mutated or something [11:51 PM] Wack'd: ...why did I think Mad Thinker had a beard?

[11:51 PM] Wack'd: Dude still dresses like a high school track coach, I remembered that much right [11:51 PM] Bocaj: He might look less ridiculous with a beard [11:51 PM] Wack'd: He might! [11:51 PM] Bocaj: His hair sure is a decision he made [11:51 PM] Bocaj: And continues to make [11:51 PM] maxwellelvis: He's still built like a high school track coach, too. [11:53 PM] Wack'd: I enjoy the fact that back when Buscema and Buckler were revising everyone's hair styles Mad Thinker wasn't around and so now he's stuck like this [11:54 PM] Wack'd: Back in...I'm just gonna keep calling it the Positive Zone until someone objects [11:54 PM] Wack'd: Back in the Positive Zone Sue tells Reed that their son has been double-abducted [11:54 PM] Wack'd: And he takes a long. Long time to figure out how he should react to that. [11:54 PM] Wack'd: So now the gig is officially up. Sue's worst fears are confirmed [11:55 PM] Wack'd: So Counter-Reed goes into Brute mode because now he has no choice but to kick Sue's ass [11:55 PM] Wack'd: He also calls her "the weakest member of the Fantastic Four" and you know whenever anyone says that with a straight face, and are not written by Stan Lee, a major ass-kicking is about to happen [11:56 PM] Bocaj: Look, Lincoln had a mom [11:56 PM] Bocaj: and therefore now slavery is illegal [11:56 PM] Wack'd: Right, yes [11:56 PM] Wack'd: ...oh goddammit [11:56 PM] Wack'd: So instead Counter-Reed kicks Sue's ass thoroughly and tosses her out the top-story window of the Baxter [11:56 PM] Bocaj: 😐 [11:57 PM] Wack'd: I forgot this was "Cripple the B****" Wein we were dealing with for a moment [11:57 PM] Bocaj: OH SHIT [11:57 PM] Bocaj: THATS WHERE I KNOW THE NAME FROM?? [11:57 PM] Wack'd: Yeeeeeeeeeeep [11:59 PM] Wack'd: In the letters page: someone tries to puzzle out what Ben is made of ("I miss when everyone assumed it was 'orange rocks'," moans Thomas); and apparently Len Wein plans to explain why there's not a much greater mass of cosmic-ray-powered superbeings now that space travel is business as usual [12:00 AM] Wack'd: Oh! And an ad for Ms Marvel's first ongoing. Exciting! [12:01 AM] Wack'd: Somehow I can't imagine Kamala Khan being hyped to wear this

[12:01 AM] Bocaj: Love Kamala [12:01 AM] Bocaj: Ew they changed her costume [12:02 AM] Bocaj: I took too long to type and now my joke misunderstanding your words is belated to oblivion [12:02 AM] Bocaj: "Never before has a FIGHTING FEMALE cpatured the imagination of the reading public so DRAMATICALLY" [12:02 AM] Bocaj: why are you like this, comics

#1977 #Len Wein #Jim Shooter #Bill Mantlo #Archie Goodwin #Sal Buscema #The Main Book

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lands-of-fantasy · 5 years ago

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To Save Our Cities

Oliver's crusade grew, changed, and was bound to outlive him, so he needed to entrust it to others. Here you will find a bunch of his thoughts pre-Crisis as he ponders about his fate, fears, and what he is fighting for, finding strength and happiness among friends and allies and unexpected blessings... The multiverse might have asked a great deal of Oliver Queen, but it didn’t just take. It gifted him too.

I don’t really do fanfic but I felt the Need to write something about Oliver’s feelings in season 8, so... Here are some things going through his mind Pre-Crisis!

(This might be a little messy as I kept adding stuff but here it goes)

……………………………………………..

(Part 1: His people)

Oliver Queen’s life hadn’t been nowhere near “normal” for years but ever since The Monitor the crazy really went next level. As if magic, meta-humans, time travel, aliens, parallel earths and reality-changing forces weren’t enough, now he had a personal deal with some sort of cosmic deity.

His routine suddenly went from hunting down criminals to running mysterious errands across the Earth(s) in hopes of saving them and guarantying a future for his family and friends. His family…he thought with a sigh and a weight on his chest. His kids. He hadn’t spoken to William in months, what with him never responding his calls. Mia had just been born. He barely got any time with her. It seemed cruel of the universe, to take him from his family like that, and leaving things as they were. And Felicity. He missed her. A lot. But she was away with Mia and he had to focus on the now and ahead.

John got to him a while ago, and now they were among their team again. They always had his back, even when he told them not to. He felt a little warmth inside and a tiny smile on the corner of his lips. The tension on his shoulders giving in somewhat. He didn’t have to do this alone. At least not yet.

When exactly did the impossible became mundane in his life? Not much seemed impossible these days. Sometimes he thought it was a curse. But he knew it wasn’t. Just as he had seen supernatural forces threat his city and hurt his friends, he also saw plenty of them who protected, and saved. Even more than he did to be honest, even with all his hard work. Oliver had met all sorts of extraordinary people through his life, super powered or not, but it still amazed him every time he got to know a fellow vigilante. Not only met, but know.

Once he saw that the person under the mask was actually fighting for others, it pleased him. It made him feel at least a little lighter. To know others were out there doing the same as he was. That they cared. He knew the pain and the evil that people with ill intentions or twisted ideas could do to those who could not defend themselves. To know people just as capable - no, even more capable were fighting them made him feel like they could do this. They could keep people safer.

But now the worlds were ending. His family was in danger. Everybody was in danger. This was way beyond everything the they had faced before, and yet, he could still help save them. Except he would die in the process. And then…?

Felicity would look after Mia and William. John would look after Felicity, and vice versa…

Thea. She could look after himself, but she had already lost so much…He sighed, shaking his head. He couldn’t help but worry about his little sister, but he knew how strong she had always been, and how stronger she had become. If she needed support, he knew the others would be there. Even Sara would show up…. And if everything worked out, Roy too. Oliver wished he could help him work out his problems - it pained him to think he couldn't - but this was bigger than them and his time was running out. He had faith in Roy though. And deep down he had a feeling that whatever happened, Thea and Roy would eventually find their way to one another again, and be there for each other. It was a calming thought, really.

Rene and Dinah would be fine too. Basically, the team would take care of the city, and of one another, as always. He still hadn’t told them all, and the ones he did tell were refusing to accept it… Which he knew was proof of their bond, but it worried him too.

Dig was being ever stubborn. Thea refused to take it seriously. He frowned. As if he would be any different if the roles were reversed. But that was the problem. This might make it harder for them later. Losses always are… But they would go on. They all already lived with the loss of loved ones. After all they’ve been through, they could take it. At least this time he warned them. He would tell the others too. Eventually.

And if his sacrifice was only a step towards the end of Crisis…or if long after it was done some other disproportionately big threat appeared… He paused. Those were rather unpleasant thoughts, but they didn’t seem to go long without imminent danger and potential disaster - and after last year the world, or rather the Multiverse, seemed much bigger. He couldn’t even imagine what threats could be out there! Oliver took a deep breath. Hopefully nothing as devastating as this upcoming Crisis… Anyway.

Whatever menace came up after he was gone, he already knew how it would be solved. He asked himself those questions one year before, when he decided to make the deal - perhaps in not so many words, but that didn’t change the answer.

Barry. He could do it. He was sure of it. It could be too much even for him, Oliver knew, but he wouldn’t be alone. Kara. They were the answer. Together. And they would have the teams. They could call Sara and the other Legends. Call Batwoman. All hands on deck. There was no way they wouldn’t win this. They wouldn’t have it other way. He knew them. He knew some more than he knew others, personally, but as heroes? Oliver knew what they were willing to do and what they were capable of.

“No” he thought. “I’m sure they’re capable or things I haven’t even imagined yet”. For what could The Flash and Supergirl not achieve on their own, let alone together? That’s why he made the trade. All that power, and the two of them focused them on helping people. Which is why Oliver knew their biggest strength were in their hearts. They were good people, willing to make a change. That’s what mattered the most.

Barry was one of the best men he had ever known. A true hero, and a close friend. Having become a vigilante first, Oliver saw how Barry respected his input, and he had always done his best to share his experience with the speedster. But the truth is Oliver admired Barry. His resilience, his goodness. He trusted him. The things he had been through and overcome… Oliver might have gotten gradually used to “crazy” as Green Arrow, but that always had been The Flash’s normal. Huh. It was a good thing he got to tell Barry these things last year. It would be hard to say it now and not sound like a farewell.

And while he might not be as close to Kara, he knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t stop at anything to protect people (not to mention it would take a LOT for anyone to get close to stop her). He saw in her eyes and her actions how much she cared. And even back when he had his doubts, when he first met her, he knew she had to be good - because Barry trusted her. Those doubts were quickly and long gone. Earth 38 sure is lucky to have such a champion. She wasn’t even born there, but adopted the planet as her own. And as if that wasn’t enough, she had already risked herself for their Earth twice. He didn’t forget that. It was a lucky day for Earth 1 when Barry Allen met and befriended Kara Danvers, which allowed her to come to them in their time of need. A lucky day for them all to have met her. She was… inspiring. They both were.

Come to think of it, both Kara AND Barry had been facing threats from different universes long before the Monitor. Oliver chuckled. Those two were really on their own level. He was glad. Glad to know they would be there, after the Crisis. Glad to have them on his side. Glad to have known them. Meeting such Good people made him feel more hopeful for the world(s) in general.

And he hadn’t forgotten Sara, of course. She might not have those kind of super powers, but when has that ever stopped her? or any of them, for that matter? He knew perfectly well how wrong anyone would be to underestimate her. He knew he could trust her with anything and she would be there to deal with it and get the job done too. She had already given her life in a mission before, and that didn’t make her step away when she came back. She was still out there, fighting the good fight - only in different places, in different TIMES. Whether as Canary, White Canary or Captain Lance (as her team called her these days)…That’s just what she does.

It made him smile again. Once they were both irresponsible teenagers in Star City…and now she was a time traveler hero! He knew Barry could travel in time but that was Sara’s daily life. Sara and himself were very alike in many ways, but also very different in others…But it had always been easy between them. Just like with Thea, he felt bad for leaving her after everything she lost already, even if they rarely saw each other these days. Family is family. The Queen and Lance clan were getting another blow. But he knew they could take it. Besides, Sara had the Legends by her side, and he knew they were good to her.

Basically, between his team and the others, Star City and the Earth(s) should be safe. He nodded, taking the words to heart as he thought of every single one of his friends and allies.

Oliver didn’t really hesitate in trading his life for Barry’s and Kara’s on the year before. He obviously didn’t want to leave his family, but once he saw it was necessary, he went for it. He needed those two to be there… And that was only the reasoning behind it all. They were his friends. He couldn’t just watch them die and do nothing! It was what first sparked in his mind to take matters in his hands. The other motives soon followed, and he knew what he needed to do. No one else had to die. Mar Novu guaranteed him. That was the deal.

He hadn’t told them either, but how was he supposed to? He knew they wouldn’t take it well - he wouldn’t. They had to focus on the fight, not on him. He did wish he could at least warn Barry, but that wasn’t possible without explaining it…He would be upset, his heart was too big. In fact, it could also cause a different problem… He might take the job too seriously. Their mission was important, obviously, but Oliver didn’t want Barry to bury himself in it - he was dedicated enough to the cause as it was.

Suddenly he feared his friend might exert himself by trying to compensate for his death, burdening himself with too much. For years Oliver thought they couldn’t have both lives, while Barry tried to tell him they could… Fortunately they had already settled that, but what if the speedster got too shaken by the recent losses or he took the deal the wrong way? Oliver couldn’t take the risk. He should make it clear he wanted him to continue living normally too. Hmm. Maybe he should leave Barry something. Something to remind him of his own advice…Yes. That seemed right. He would arrange that. And however Barry took his death, he was a hero of his own. He too would overcome it and find his balance again.

Oliver didn’t regret making the deal. It did however take him months after it to truly come to terms with the decision. He knew it was better for the world, and therefore, for his family… But he couldn’t help feeling the sorrow of leaving his loved ones so soon. Specially in the present circumstances regarding his family.

……………………………………………..

(Part 2: Their fight and legacy)

Some time later, the universe bestowed on him a gift. In the middle of it all, as doomsday approached way too fast and he was slowly saying goodbye to his loved ones, even to people he never thought he would see again… THEY appeared. His children. Not the way he knew them, growing teenager and an infant, but two resilient and capable young adults, coming straight from the future, right in front of his eyes. Oliver could barely believe it.

It took him a while to accept they could actually take care of themselves now and that he couldn’t - and shouldn’t - stop them from coming on missions with him. It was dangerous, but they could look after each other, just like his team had always done.

Besides, having them around meant spending time with them - and there was nothing Oliver wanted more than that. Time with his family. Sadly Felicity couldn’t be there with them, but again, she was taking care of baby Mia. At least she would be there for them in the future. This? This was all he had. Here and now. In the mess of emotions, Oliver was also happy. Very happy and so very glad. He got to see his kids grown. He got to reconcile with William, talk to him, hug him. And Mia. He got to meet Mia.

William’s issues with Oliver, while recent in Oliver’s time, were long gone in this grown William’s life. With Mia, however, things were more complicated. She was tough. And bitter about Oliver’s sacrifice. Which he could understand, but at the same time, he wished she understood he only did it because it was necessary. Otherwise she and William wouldn’t be safe. She was very hardheaded…

But he couldn’t judge. She reminded him too much of himself. Which was hard, in a way - he knew he could be a difficult person, but now it seemed he could feel what it really was like to deal with him, first hand. Damn, John really was a well of patience. And goodness, to have insisted on him even back when they barely knew each other. But there was a good side in this as well: he had some ideas on how to reach to her. He would give her some space but aso help her no matter what. Besides, he could share his own experiences with her, showing her how he dealt with his troubles. Hopefully they would get there.

To add to their worries, his kids brought some dire news from the future, which shook the team. Apparently even if they saved the Earths the city was still at risk.They quickly decided they wouldn’t accept it. Not all of it, at least. The future wasn’t set. They knew what was coming in that front, so they could prepare. Besides, with his kids there, things were already different. That was encouraging. It still saddened Oliver to know Mia and William hadn’t met until recently, though. But it also made him happy to see how well they got along and how close they became in such short time. They could finally be there for each other. And yet more good news: They got their own Diggle! Or Hawke. Anyway, Connor. The kid seemed strong and tactical, and loyal to a t. He was a good man, as expected from Dig’s son. And he was friends with his kids! At least something went as he wanted. JJ however… It was hard to think of it, he could only imagine how it was for John. And Rene. Zoe Ramirez was also part of the team but such tragedy stroke, which stang them all… two more things to stop from happening. They simply couldn’t let it happen. They wouldn’t.

Oliver’s heart weighted again with all the potential pain in the future but again, he had to compartmentalize. He couldn’t despair. Fortunately the others did too, as they assured each other they would do better. Rene and John managed to focus - not like they needed extra incentive to give their all, Oliver was aware, but the news of this version of the future certainly fueled them into making things work out the best way possible. As if Oliver needed to be reminded of the value of his partners.

Rene, born and raised at the Glades, had not grown bitter of the city, but instead, had only love and will to improve it. He and Oliver had vastly different backgrounds but they had become rather similar in how they looked to their city. Dinah came to their police force and worked for them to fight alongside the vigilantes, which was particularly good after Quentin was gone, while also carrying on the Canary name. Better yet, they had two Black Canaries again, as even Laurel was with them in this - though the circumstances were the worst possible. The anti-matter wave was already in motion and she lost her entire world… But that’s why they were doing this. They had to stop it. At least she was alive.

Roy was also back and his circumstances were more fortunate. Oliver just wished the younger archer had talked to Thea properly before coming, but those two would have to work it out later. Right now, the older Queen was glad to have his old partner around (to even see him again!). One of the actually good news from the future was that he could manage his condition. That didn’t surprise Oliver, but Roy needed to hear it. It was soothing to be able to help him in his return after all - he thought he wouldn't have the opportunity. Good thing Dig reached to him. The team would help him recover. It occurred to Oliver part of the problem was Roy’s fear in hurting others, perhaps more than his lack of control. The news and the company would give him back his confidence and make him sharp again.

As for John, he had been his rock and his brother in this journey since the beginning, and through it all he continued to be - there was no one Oliver trusted more than him. The former soldier would still help a lot of people, he was sure of it. Lyla had been fighting on her front for a long time too, and still was, even if she, shockingly, was entangled with the Monitor…more or less like himself. He got it. He knew what it was like. They were all just trying to save their families.

Which was also what Felicity was doing in that exact moment, even far from them. He admired her strength in doing this on her own. Their success would make it safe for her to raise their baby daughter out of isolation, close to their friends and hopefully to William; it would also allow her to get back to the fight the way she wanted. He knew she could handle it, but he didn’t want her to be alone much longer. The vision never left his thoughts, and so it kept him going.

He was really lucky to be surrounded by such quality people. He started all of this on his own and planned to do it all that way, but that changed rather quickly, even if initially against his will. It had been a long time since he started fighting alongside several heroes, and as years passed, he met many more. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Oliver was happy his journey as the Green Arrow brought them together.

As a team they did more good than he could ever do on his own - and not only in Star City, but out there in the world as well. This was far from the first time he thought of that, but every now and then it hit him again - the thought of how extraordinary it was for them to be united in this, whether they were in the same city or far apart. They all made him a better man, and while they were all fine and capable people on their own, he knew he had helped them too. He certainly did his best.

He had a good team. And they would keep going after he was gone, in Star City and also far beyond it. The heroes he knew would keep helping people in Earth 1, 38, and even others, if it came to that again. Someday they might even live a quieter, more peaceful life! Now that was quite a thought….

But first, they had to fight. They had to save the future for their kids and for their cities. They had to save the Earth for everybody in it. As many Earths as possible, as they had just as much right to live. Not to mention Kara’s Earth. They couldn’t let her lose her people - which she already did once, he was aware of it. Laurel too. He couldn’t even fathom their losses. If it was possible to get Earth 2 back, he would do it. He would get justice for her. He was happy he at least managed to get her out of there in time, despite the Monitor’s warnings. He couldn’t lose another Laurel.

There was just too much at stake, even if the threat didn’t involve the entire multiverse. Oliver just had to trust his team. His friends. That, he already did. Now to do his part, he had to stay focused. With every reason to succeed in his heart, he continued to prepare for the fight ahead.

……………………………………………..

(Part 3: Gratefulness)

Crisis was ever closer, and so was the time for them all to make the impossible happen and save the multiverse.

It wouldn’t be a first. It was thanks to the impossible that Sara and Thea were still alive. That he was allowed to still talk to Laurel, even if she wasn’t the Laurel he knew, and to see her protecting Star City. That he saw Tommy again, even if a different Tommy, among so many other extraordinary encounters…

And weren’t the things Barry, Kara and even Sara did daily something he once believed to be impossible? He wouldn’t have befriended Barry if he hadn’t gotten powers, as the alternative was the speedster’s death! Instead, the universe gave the scientist the power to be the hero he could be, and gave Oliver another friend. He wouldn’t even have met Kara if it wasn’t for dimensional travels! Together they and the others had already saved the Earth before. They would do it again. Just…in a bigger scale. The possibilities of what they all could do had already proven to be endless.

And last but not least, despite having to die to help save the worlds, it was thanks to the impossible that Oliver could see his kids before it was too late. He even had enough time to get closer to Mia! For all that, Oliver was beyond grateful.

He gathered all his strength for the fight ahead. He had made peace with his losses and bid goodbye to his loved ones. He trusted his family would be alright and that Barry, Kara, Sara, John and all the other heroes would take care of each other and keep the worlds safe.

As he and his grown daughter hugged for the first time, he thought of Felicity, William, and all the people he loved and cared about. He thought about the friends who would be by his side until the end, and the future they would all fight for to guarantee, even after he was gone… And as the sky turned red, Oliver might have felt fear, but he also felt stronger. Knowing full well this would be his last battle, he wouldn’t stop fighting until he fulfilled his part in it. Nothing would stop him from saving his family nor his friends. He was ready.

……………………………………………..

Notes:

This was originally supposed to be a drabble about Oliver being grateful for his extra time with his kids but then it turned into him recognizing how some extraordinary things in general were a gift in his life, what with Barry and Kara coming into play, as well as the resurrections and doppelgangers… And then it became about him trusting the rest of the trinity with the Multiverse and I couldn’t let it be without bringing up Team Arrow and Sara too… So here we are

I know there’s some stuff I didn’t elaborate much, and I’m pretty sure there are some inconsistencies (I only watched the episodes once) but anyway. This is already MUCH bigger and elaborated than initially intended, I just kept writing XD I don’t think Oliver should have died, but here’s a shot at his thought process as he came to be in peace with it. I hope I managed to do the character and his relationships some justice

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lifeinpurplestars · 6 years ago

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Don’t give up on us

He knew something would happen sooner or later, that boy was a walking disaster and Ezekiel never knew how to raise him properly. God knows Carol tried to raise the kid so he’d survive in case she died.

At this point, Daryl knew she’d outlive them all.

But who knows in what state she would do it.

He tried to stop her from looking at what was left of Henry, he tried to stop her begging her to look at his own face, to look at his eyes. He tried to stop her from receiving another blow from life. However, fate seems to be convinced to destroy the remainings of her sanity.

“Have you talked to her?”, asked a heartbroken Ezekiel.

He didn’t bother turn to look at the man, he just moved his head. He couldn’t look at his face. Not now. Not when he has decided to do what he should have done years ago.

He took the bag from the ground and looked at the Kingdom. Everybody was gathered in the main building with the leaders of Alexandria and Hiltop. Everybody but him and Carol.

He noticed how Ezekiel had left not without whispering to him just before:

“You’ll take care of her, won’t you?”

He nodded and he turned just in time to look at the guilt-ridden king who has lost his whole kingdom, and he wasn’t refering to this city of naive and careless people.

Many times he had wondered about the miseries of life, not once he’s found an answer to it. He sighed and he entered one last time the house which has been her home these last years.

He found her in Henry’s room holding a blanket, she looked devastated, enraged and extremely beautiful. She was sublime, terrifying and beautiful as a tiger.

“You ready?”, he whispered.

She stood up without looking at him, and he couldn’t stand it. He needed to see her eyes, those blue eyes which would always haunt him. He couldn’t imagine living a life without them in it.

“Please, look at me”, he begged to her once more.

Not that she would listen to him.

“Hey”, he said trying to catch her attention but her mind was wandering too far, “please, look at me, just look at me.. don’t give up, not now”

She moved to the door and she looked at him.

God, how much he wished he could take all that unbearable pain away. She motioned to him to move and they both left Henry’s room. Not much later, crossing the gates of the Kingdom, they both left that hopeless place without looking back.

.......................................

Their only companion for days was a deafening silence.

Maybe Henry’s death has finally broken her soul. Could this be the end of her resilience? Could his death be the destruction of her infinite strength?

“It was Sophia all over again”, she said in a tone he couldn’t recognise.

Or he didn’t dare to.

“Why the hell did I decide to become his mother? What on Earth is wrong with me?”,she shouted at him. She looked enraged as if he was responsible of the deaths of her children, “why did you let me do it? Why did you..

“Why what? why did I let you go to live with your king and the prince to your beautiful magic castle in crazy fucking town??”, he growled at her, although he wasn’t angry at her, but at himself.

Why did he let her go?

The reason was clear... he was a fucking coward.

“Why, Daryl, why?, she growled at him and she looked disappointed as if she already knew the answer. She shook her head and laughed, “It was never meant to be”

“The kids?”, he asked her.

“Not just the kids”, she answered with her eyes full of tears.

He looked away and he felt how she had just broken his heart with those words.

“Don’t... don’t give up”, he whispered

“On life?”, she asked him

“Don’t give up on us”, he said.

It was probably the bravest thing he’s ever said in his whole fucking entire life.

She never answered back.

She continued walking and he heard her murmuring:

“Beautiful magic castle in crazy fucking town....”

He took a long breath, it was going to be a long journey but at least, she didn’t go away.

If only she could confirm him... if only she’d tell him she hasn’t given up on them.

To be continued.

#Caryl Fanfiction

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primatechnosynthpop · 6 years ago

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A Rose Shall Bloom (And Then Shall Fade)- part 4

Once, at a holiday party, Claire and a few of her friends sat around the kitchen table, drinking and talking amongst themselves. Claire decided to tell them some entertaining stories about difficult customers she’d had at work. Her friends, most of whom no longer worked themselves, nodded along and laughed as she recounted a story of one woman who had come in two minutes after closing time and demanded to be served.

“And then she said, ‘but I have a reservation!’” Claire imitated the loud, squawking voice of the customer. “Turns out she had a table reserved for that night… for three hours earlier! So I asked why she hadn’t shown up then, and she said her husband had been out with her car all day.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Hiro jumped in. “Yesterday, Ando and I got a call from a man who wanted us to mow his lawn for him. Can you believe that?”

“We told him no, of course,” Ando added.

“Although,” Hiro sighed, “that was the only call we got all day. Our business just isn’t in demand much anymore.”

“Well, maybe you guys should retire,” Peter suggested. “I’d say you’ve earned it.”

Claire involuntarily flinched. It was true–all her friends were now at or above the average retirement age. Hiro, though… it was so odd to think that time affected even him. Wasn’t he supposed to be able to control time? Why did it have to retain jurisdiction over him? As immature as it was, she didn’t want her friends to acknowledge that they were getting older. If everybody could just pretend that everything was staying the same, that they would all always be there, then maybe it would be enough to convince her, even for a moment, that none of them would ever leave her life.

“Maybe you could wait until Satoshi is grown up and let him take over the business,” she suggested. “How old is he now, anyway?”

“He just turned nine,” Ando informed her with a proud smile. “You should see how much he takes after his mother.”

“Oh, he takes after Kimiko?”

Ando nodded. “So I don’t think he’ll want to take over the Dial-a-Hero business even once he is old enough–which won’t be for quite a long time.”

“It’s unfortunate, but once we retire, our little business will have to come to an end,” Hiro agreed.

“Well, that doesn’t have to happen just yet,” Claire said, doing her best to present it as a casual remark and not a desperate plea for everyone to stop getting so damn old and, god, I’m going to end up alone one day, and– “You guys can keep working as long as you like.”

Peter shot Claire a raised-eyebrow look from across the table. No doubt he remembered their conversation from a few months ago. They hadn’t spoken much since then, and while Claire hoped he had reconsidered her proposal, she got the feeling he hadn’t. However, he said nothing and simply took another sip of his glass of wine.

“I don’t know, retirement is pretty rewarding,” Matt put in. “It gives me more time to spend with Janice.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t have to happen yet,” Claire repeated, a little more forcefully this time. “Nobody here is that old! You’ve all got plenty of your lives left ahead of you!”

A couple seats over from her, Tracy raised an eyebrow. She was still very poised and dignified even now that she was growing older. She almost reminded Claire of a light-haired version of Angela.

“I appreciate the compliment, Claire, but we’re all over the hill now, so to speak,” she said. “None of us are getting any younger. And for someone who has a dangerous job like Hiro and Ando do…”

“…No, I’m with Claire,” Hiro decided. “I want to keep saving people for as long as possible.”

“Really?” Ando asked, looking a bit concerned. Hiro nodded; Ando sighed and squeezed Hiro’s hand. “Well, if you’re going to keep working, I guess I can’t let you do it alone.”

Claire smiled to herself as she took a sip of her tonic. It fizzled on her tongue, providing her with a brief spark of enjoyment even though the alcohol did nothing to her. She couldn’t stop her friends from getting older, but just keeping things how they were for as long as she could was a small victory.

Unfortunately, nothing ever stayed as it was for long. It was a lesson she had learned time and time again, and would long continue to do so, but it still stung every time she was forced to relearn it.

One spring, during a particularly cold and rainy spell, Claire got a call from Sandra’s nursing home telling her that Sandra had fallen ill. Claire held out hope for a while that her mother would recover, but as days turned to weeks and then to months, she realized that it wasn’t going to happen. Sandra was transferred to a hospital, where she remained for several long, difficult months before she eventually succumbed to her sickness. The time leading up to her death was extremely hard on Claire, especially since Lyle was out of town for the whole ordeal. Once she called his number intending to call him out for not being there to support her, but when he didn’t pick up, she hung up the phone without leaving a message. She couldn’t blame her brother for avoiding her. She wished she could have avoided being there too, gradually watching her mother’s health dwindle, but unlike Lyle, she had no excuse.

Claire was there at her mother’s deathbed, and held her hand as Sandra closed her eyes one last time. She had long wondered if it was better or worse to be there to see it when someone she loved died, and now that it finally happened, she still wasn’t sure. She didn’t think she ever would be.

Now that both her parents were gone, Claire clung even more desperately to those in her life who remained. She even grew more attached to her boss at work. He jokingly asked if she was angling for a promotion when she brought him a tray of cookies she’d baked for his birthday. She put on a smile and said that it wasn’t her intention, but she certainly wouldn’t be opposed to getting promoted. Her boss chuckled and said, “how about a raise instead?” She was pleasantly surprised to discover that he wasn’t joking. But a 3% raise, while she was grateful for it, didn’t solve her problems.

When she told her coworkers that her mother had died, they reacted with varying degrees of shock and sympathy. “What happened to her?” asked a young woman who must have been about the age Claire appeared to be.

“It was natural causes,” Claire said. “She just got sick, and then…”

She trailed off, shrugging, as she turned her attention to a container of plastic straws. She distracted herself by fidgeting with the straws while the other workers pestered her with questions. Someone asked how her dad was holding up, and she considered lying and making something up, but she decided to be honest and say that he was dead too. This garnered a new wave of sympathetic murmurs.

Claire appreciated that her coworkers cared for her struggle, but they didn’t understand what the problem really was. Most of them didn’t know how old she really was, so to them, the mere fact that her parents were dead was a tragedy in and of itself to them. While she was of course sad about losing them, that wasn’t really the tragedy of it all. Noah and Sandra had lived long, happy lives, and nobody could live forever–except for Claire. She could, and most likely would, live forever. That meant that she would never be reunited with her loved ones, whether that be in an afterlife or another life or simply a boundless void.

(Claire wasn’t sure if she considered herself religious. Growing up in Texas, she had certainly had Christianity forced upon her for most of her early life, but it was hard to decide for herself what to believe, if anything. She wanted there to be an afterlife, though; it was the only thought that provided her any real consolation when she thought of all the people she would outlive.)

Summer came in, bringing leaves to the trees and grass to the earth. It was good while it lasted, but come fall, it all faded away again. Everything always changed. Everything always ended, from seasons to lives. But Claire stayed the same as she’d always been, and always would be. Oddly enough, people at work never seemed to notice that she didn’t age. Then again, few people kept working at the restaurant long enough to catch on. Her boss was growing older too, and had started talking about handing the business down to her one day soon. Claire had no idea what constituted “soon” in this case. The length of time was such a relative thing.

More time went by. Children grew up, and adults edged ever closer to the eventual but inevitable end of their lives. Eventually Claire’s manager retired and she took over as manager at the restaurant. Initially she thought it was insane for her to be a business owner, but when she thought it over, she realized that she was perfectly qualified. She had decades of experience, after all; despite her appearance, she was nearly sixty years old now.

Having so much responsibility was thrilling, but before long, people stopped coming to the restaurant. Nobody trusted someone who looked like a college student to run a business. As profits dwindled, Claire scrambled for a solution. She lowered prices, introduced new menu items, and offered more specials. It took a while, but eventually business started to pick up again. The restaurant–her restaurant now–wouldn’t be closing its doors anytime soon. As a business owner, Claire did her best to pay her workers fairly. It meant she made less money overall than the previous owner, but she didn’t need that much money anyway. She had a good life, and without any pets or children to supply for, Claire found that she was making more money than she needed. She began donating more often to charities, and got in the habit of spending more money on gifts for people. She figured that if she was going to be alive forever, it would be best to at least make a positive impact on the world.

During the weeks leading up to Claire and Gretchen’s thirtieth anniversary, Claire pestered her wife with questions about what she wanted to do. As long as it was nothing too over-the-top, Claire could probably afford it, and she really wanted to make the occasion as special as possible for the both of them. However, Gretchen always said the same thing: thay she didn’t care what they did, as long as they got to spend the day together. In the end, they ended up staying at home that day. Claire took the day off from work, and they spent most of the afternoon snuggled up in bed together, reminiscing about the old days.

“Remember how I found out about your power?” Gretchen asked, absentmindedly fiddling with a lock of Claire’s hair. “When I looked out the window and saw you sitting there putting yourself back together, I knew I was in love with you.”

Claire wrinkled her nose, recalling the mortification she had felt under her then-roommate’s incredulous stare. “Really? That’s what made you fall for me?”

“I mean, I had it pretty bad for you before that,” Gretchen said with a laugh. “But it was at that moment when I thought to myself, ‘I want that woman to be my wife one day’.”

“Well, Gretch,” Claire said, squeezing her wife’s hand under the blanket, “I guess your wish came true.”

They both smiled, looking into each other’s eyes, and for a moment it was like no time at all had passed since that day. Then Gretchen wiped sweat from her brow and muttered, “Can we get out from under this blanket? I think I’m having a hot flash”, and the illusion of timelessness vanished quicker than Claire could smile and say, “Oh, yeah, that’s fine”.

So much time passed by, and Claire did her best to appreciate all of it as best she could, but it was so hard to enjoy life when she was faced with constant reminders of everybody getting older. With people her own age or older it was one thing, but even people younger than her looked noticeably older than her now. Lyle, Molly, and Micah were all middle-aged themselves now, and Matt Jr. was in his late thirties. One day he booked a reservation at the restaurant for himself and a woman who Claire was shocked to discover was his wife. Even Natalie Petrelli was a grown woman in her late twenties now, and Satoshi Masahashi was currently in his final year of college. And then all those people just kept getting older, and more mature, a second generation who Claire would outlive as surely as the first.

Claire came to hate calendars. She didn’t want to think about the passage of time. Instead, she covered her walls with framed photos of times she wanted to remember. Before long, her walls became cluttered with memories. She wondered what she would do when she ran out of room.

One Sunday evening, after a long day of errands, Claire flopped onto the living room sofa, exhausted. All day, people had been mistaking Gretchen for her mother. A couple of people had even thought she was her grandmother. That was a new one as far as Claire could remember, and she absolutely hated it. She especially hated the fact that the people who’d jumped to that conclusion had been completely justified in doing so. There was so much gray in Gretchen’s hair now, and she had so many wrinkles, and recently she was starting to complain about arthritis. The worst part was that Claire had nobody to turn to for comfort. When Gretchen herself tried to offer consolation, it just meant that Claire had to look into her wife’s eyes and see a sixty-four year old woman looking back at her. That only made things worse.

Unfortunately, Gretchen was persistent in her misguided attempts to help. She sat down on the arm of the sofa and started running her fingers through Claire’s hair, humming a sappy song under her breath. Claire didn’t bother telling Gretchen to go away. If she didn’t have to look up at her, then she could just pretend that her wife looked the same as always. Besides, even if it only made her feel worse, she still appreciated the effort. She didn’t want to punish Gretchen for loving her.

Later, when they were in bed together that night, Claire scrolled through her phone’s photo gallery. Some of the pictures there were decades old now. She was running out of storage again, meaning that soon she would have to delete some photos on order to make room for more. But she’d already gone through this process so many times that all the photos she had saved to her phone now were ones she valued. How could she choose between deleting a photo of her with the Petrellis and one of her adoptive family? She just wanted to keep them both forever, and the same went for all the other photos she had saved.

“You know, honey,” Gretchen remarked quietly as she watched over Claire’s shoulder, “I think maybe you should make some new friends.”

“What?” Claire screwed up her face, unsure of how to react to the puzzling comment. “I have plenty of friends.”

“I know, I know,” Gretchen sighed. “But… you’ve said it yourself, Claire, countless times. The people you’re friends with now aren’t going to be here forever. When they’re gone–when I’m gone–I don’t want you to be lonely.”

Claire stiffened. “Don’t talk about that.”

“Well, why not? You talk about it to me all the time,” Gretchen pointed out. “I don’t want to die any more than anybody else, but we’re all going to some day, and I don’t want you be left alone when that happens!”

Claire could hardly believe what her wife was saying. Putting her phone down on the headboard, she sat up and turned to glare at Gretchen.

“So you just want me to replace people?” she said. “Like getting a new dog to replace an old one? Is that what you want me to do for you–for everyone?”

“Well, no…”

“I can’t just replace people, Gretch! I can’t do that!”

“You don’t have to replace anyone,” Gretchen told her. “But you can’t just spend the rest of your life wallowing in self-pity, either, especially not if your life is going to last forever. An eternity alone? I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. And, Claire…” She gulped, placing a tender hand on Claire’s shoulder. Claire realized that there were tears forming in Gretchen’s eyes. “Claire, you’re my wife. I love you. I need you to be happy.”

Claire tried to force a smile, but her face refused to cooperate. All she could think of was how, with every passing moment, she had less and less time left to spend with the people she cared about. Time had already run out for some of those people. Who would be next? What would she do after everyone was gone? She couldn’t go on living after that, she just couldn’t. For a few years, maybe–a decade or two, even–but not forever. And growing close to new people, knowing that the exact same thing was eventually going to happen to them… she didn’t see how that could possibly help her. More people to care about was just more people to eventually lose. It didn’t matter if she made friends with every person on the planet, because not one of them was going to be there forever.

“I’m not saying you should forget about me, or anyone,” Gretchen went on. “But memories can’t be all you have. You need to let new people into your life.”

Claire massaged her temples. She was so tired of this circular argument. Neither of them could really understand where the other was coming from, and she hated arguing with her wife. It was better to just put the issue to rest and call it a night.

“You know what? You’re right,” she said. “I’m going to try to meet some new people.”

Gretchen smiled and leaned forward to kiss Claire on the forehead. “Good choice.”

The morning after their discussion, Claire was woken up by a flashing sound followed by heavy breathing and gasps of pain. Claire’s eyes snapped open and she sat up to see Hiro standing in her bedroom, clutching a gaping wound in his side. With his free arm, he clutched a mangled body that Claire was horrified to recognize as Ando. As she watched, Hiro sunk to his knees, letting out a moan.

“Holy shit,” she whispered as she scrambled out of bed and to the drawer where she kept her syringe. “What happened?”

“W-we got a call… someone was being mugged,” Hiro told her, his face contorted in pain, while she jabbed the syringe into her arm and drew out a sample of her blood. “The mugger had superstrength. I tried to teleport us away, but my… my back went out, and…”

“Well, don’t worry. You’re going to be okay,” Claire said. She took Hiro’s arm and injected her blood into the first vein she could find. “You’ll both be fine.”

As the blood took effect, Hiro’s injury began to close up. He blinked gratefully at Claire while she drew another sample of her blood and prepared to administer it. Although Claire’s heart was hammering with anxiety, she tried to calm herself down. As she administered the second blood sample to Ando, she told herself that everything was going to be fine in a minute. She tried not to think that this was her fault. It didn’t matter that this wouldn’t have happened had she not talked them out of retiring a couple years earlier, because it was going to turn out fine either way. Hiro already didn’t have a scratch on him. It would be like nothing had even happened.

But something was wrong. Ando’s wounds weren’t healing up. Why wasn’t Claire’s blood working on him? As Hiro’s anxiously stroked his motionless friend’s thinning, graying hair, Claire noticed that there was a large, jagged rock jabbed into the back of Ando’s head. Shuddering, Claire yanked the rock out and held it up.

“How did this happen?” she asked Hiro.

Hiro shook his head, eyes wide with dismay. “I didn’t… I don’t know.”

“Well, now that that’s out of his head, my blood should work,” Claire said. She wasn’t even sure how much she believed herself. A few seconds creeped by, and then a few more. Nothing happened. “M-maybe I can give him some more blood.”

She tried this, but once again, nothing happened. Hiro kept glancing up at Claire, then back down at Ando, and then back to Claire. There was an increasing volume of desperation in his eyes. Claire’s throat constricted as she took a shaky step back and shook her head. Her voice caught in her throat as she reached an awful conclusion.

“Hiro, there’s… there’s nothing I can do.”

“No,” Hiro whimpered, his arms curling tighter around his friend’s sickeningly contorted body. Scraggly gray hairs framed his weathered, tearstained face. He’d never looked more frail. “No, you have to save him…”

“Claire?” Gretchen, who up until that point had remained soundly asleep, sat up on bed and rubbed her eyes. “Baby, what’s going on?”

Claire cursed under her breath. She didn’t want her wife to see such an upsetting thing. Gretchen was so easily disturbed sometimes.

“Go back to bed, honey,” she called over her shoulder. “Everything is fine.”

Gretchen blinked, stunned, at the scene before her. “What–?!”

“Just look away,” Claire told her urgently, rushing over to Gretchen and holding a protective hand over her eyes. “You don’t want to see this.”

Claire’s head swam with guilt. She should have just let them retire all those years ago, and they would be safe now, and this wouldn’t have happened. Ando was dead because of her selfishness. Hiro must have absolutely despised her now. She’d done this, it was her fault, one of her friends was dead and it was her own goddamn fault–

“Claire, what happened?” Gretchen demanded, dragging Claire’s hand away. “Is that…?”

“Gretchen, please,” Claire said, trying her best not to cry. She didn’t deserve the chance to cry for something that was her fault. “You don’t want to see it. Please.”

She heard the flashing sound again, and when she turned to look behind her, Hiro was gone.

He didn’t speak to her again for a long time.

#hey did you know that i write stuff sometimes?#heroes #primatech

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godstaff · 6 years ago

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Why Lois Lane needs to be with Superman.

The way I see it, there’s no reason at all.

But maybe I’m not seeing every aspect of it.

Warning: what follows is long, boring and, somewhat offensive.

1. There probably is some legal/commercial agreement with the Siegel Estate, forcing DC regime to have the character as part of the Superman universe, so, even though she may not be romantically linked to him, they must make use of her somehow. New 52 comes to mind. There’s no other reason to keep such unlikable, un-evolving, static and “one trick pony” character around. Lois is the real reason Clark is stuck inside the Daily Planet in the latter installments: without it, she has no reason to be, to shine. Funny: they want to show her as “independent”, but her whole existence depends on her job, outside which she has no life at all. Because Superman could be anything he wants in his secret identity, even a farmer, and have interactions with other humans.

2. Lork fans. DC has, historically, defecated all over Supes fans without any remorse: they didn’t care about Lork fans when they decided to try something new and separate Lork after the post wedding fiasco, which forced the New 52 reboot. So no, the fans are not a valid reason. Aaaah! But they are a valid excuse: “Yes, we wanted to reward ‘real’ fans by bringing back the true ‘power couple’ together: Lois & Clark” emphasis on ‘Lois’. That’s a cheap and effective way to appease the feral Lork fanbase beasts, few but loud, which end up thinking “Aaargh! we are the strongest fanbase there is: we made them correct their error. They listen to us! Ha-ha!” Sure, kids. Keep telling yourselves that and forget that, what happened once, can very well happen again without second thought on DC regime’s part. But you’re big and strong, yeah! DC needed to bring Lois back with Supes for other reasons anyway, Lork fans were only a piece of good PR for DC regime.

3. As stated on point one, there must be some legal obligation to use the character Lois Lane into the Superman mythos, since the reporter long outlived her usefulness and it’s no longer interesting at all. They want to paint her as a strong, independent woman, but in the end she really is rude to everybody, abusive of her couple and, now that they made her have a son with Clark, a mother who leaves by days at a time or more in pursue of a scoop, neglecting her child, super or not, leaving him unsupervised while still a minor. Let’s not forget that she and her son were the reason Superman stayed in hiding for ten years while the planet Earth was in trouble. Plus her profession has changed with the millennium, printed media is dying, but not for her or Clark, who still use paper notes and pencil, and shout “stop the presses” like in the 1970s. And, in the end, independent Lois always needs to be rescued by Superman exactly like in AC #1 (1938). How time flies...!

But her character has to be there. DC regime is in pretty bad shape as it is to, on top of it all, stand some more legal litigation over a secondary fictional character. What to do?

Without being romantically attached to Superman, DC authors were forced to write real stories for her, like in N52, to make her live real adventures. To even have a personal life. Too much work! They can’t think of one good adventure for the main character, Superman, to dedicate extra time and effort thinking on something for her to do! Alone, she’s boring! How many times can you tell the same story of an investigative reporter uncovering a crime ring? What will happen when she’s busted doing it? Let me remind you her investigative methods aren’t subtle at all. How many times she’d get away with abusing her peers in the Planet without Clark saying “That’s so Lois of hers. Ha-ha” as an excuse? Without Clark on her side, the rest of the personnel will end up hating her. Perry tolerates her only because she brings results and headlines, nothing more. Nobody likes her: she’s the female equivalent of J.J. Jameson, If that’s your idea of a successful woman, a successful woman without any friends, go ahead and love her. I don’t like that attitude in a man, woman or martian. But I guess that’s what’s needed to leave your mark in a world of men, so...

Still, I don’t think it’s enough to make her an interesting character without being part of Superman’s life.

The easiest way for DC regime to keep her around is to make her his partner in life, that way they can make her shine just by reflecting the light Superman emits, with little things like treating him with disdain, calling him “Smallville” contemptuously (she must be a hell of a woman, daring to treat the most powerful being like that!), telling him what to do, teaching the alien how to be human, etc. Focusing on him, but making Lork fans think she’s somehow relevant, that she runs things. Not really doing anything, but looking like she does. The other thing is being his handler, because without her, he goes insane for some reason, that’s why she’s now immortal: immortal and useless, because, as said before, she does nothing of consequence other than being there. Still without friends, only work relationships. Going on double dates with her husband’s friends, to make her participate on anything. Being present in the creation of the Trinity for the same reason. Always the omnipresent witness only to justify her existence.

Doing nothing.

This way, DC keeps her around among the Superman personnel without wasting any talent in writing for her, just a few lines and attitudes. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Two birds, one stone.

#lois lane #superman #fuck DC

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handlewithkara · 3 years ago

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Why don’t people get that the Legion is still on earth. It’s in the future. But it’s still on earth. Kara would still be protecting earth and protecting humans, even if she was with the Legion. It wouldn’t mean that she embraces being Kryptonian, it would imo just mean that Kara is taking her particular brand of human heart+alien heritage to a new audience.

Kara’s whole deal in the past was that even when she had no powers, like in that season 1 episode or on Argo, she was still superheroing and confronting badguys. And Alex is still going to superhero and going to put herself in danger, why wouldn’t a Kara who is there want to protect her? And having superpowers is objectively better for that purpose?

IMO the show would have to do a whole lot of lifting to explain why Kara wants to retire completely from superheroing. When on the other hand they emphasize that superheroing is good (like Kelly becoming one, it can help provide a platform).

It would be one thing if the show was for example about Kara worrying that Supergirl takes away attention from other heroes like Nia and Sentinel => Kara could just shift to being a masked hero as well. Retire the Supergirl persona and pick a more lowkey one.

To me the topics of “retiring” and the topic of “giving up her powers” are not necessarily the same thing. Kara coming to think maybe “Supergirl” is a bad thing would make more sense in connection with stories about like people worshipping Supergirl and paying attention only to her while not paying attention to other heroes and serious topics. The topic of Kara for some reason thinking her powers are bad and should be taken away would need yet another type of build up. Like her feeing like her powers give her an unfair advantage in her job (but doesn’t that hold true for Nia as well and judging from everything Nicole says it doesn’t seem like Nia is giving her powers up any time soon). Or it could be about not wanting to outlive Alex.

But do the stories they are going with really give you that vibe? LIke that is the tone of the villains? There is a decent chance that Nyxly might use Kara against the goodguys at some point and that might scare Kara, but it’s not like that hasn’t always been an option. Giving your powers up completely rather than just trying to be smarter while this concrete villain is active just seems like an overreaction. Could just as well be just a setup to explaining why Kara wants to rely more on other heroes, giving Alex and Kelly and Nia and down the line apparently even Lena more chance to shine. But that doesn’t have to mean that she needs or wants to stop doing it just because she wants more people to step up and thinks it’s better to have a bigger group of people be heroes.

Yes they have been going into Kara having trauma this season, but has it really felt like Kara is blaming either superheroing or her powers for it so it would feel natural for her to want to give it up completely?

If the point of the season was that supering sucks and powers are pointless because the pen is mightier than the sword anyway, why have the presumed final confrontation be with Kara in her superhero outfit using powers? Rather than her facing them down as a human?

BTW I should probably explain why the big battle that features Mon-El is likely the “big” battle:

- That’s where all the guest actors are, would you really use them in a battle and then have yet another battle/confrontation later?

- This is also where they bring back villains of the past

- This appears where apparently Nyxly and Lex are brought down

- Everybody hugs and celebrates.

IMO it would be a pretty huge confusion of tone if the big bad is brought down by superpowers while the show wants to portray a message of powers aren’t needed or even bad.

Now Kara retiring because she is tired of superheroing because superheroing is exhausting, that could still work after a big battle, kind of “she did the thing, she defeated the big villain group, she can retire now and get some rest”; but imo the show would have to do A LOT more legwork to build up that Kara doesn’t enjoy supering anymore, as a contrast to let’s say young Kara being excited about the prospect.

I’ve never taken the position that Mon-El being back PROVES that Kara goes with the Legion. IMO he could feasibly be back just as part of an overal message of “all the people who were inspired by Kara to be heroes show up to help her face down her foes” (but yes, him being given a position by Kara’s side rather than being in the backrow with Winn and James feels like a big deal, but it isn’t technically proof). And yes in theory it is possible that after that he could say goodybe, they call each other bros and then Kara does whatever other ending she does. Or he could announce that he is staying in town for a while just to hang out. Mon-El being back makes it possible that Kara leaves with him and Winn, it doesn’t mandate it.

Kara not being present in the front row (yes due to Covid restrictions it is still possible that she could be there as a spectator and they shot her reaction shots on a different day) for those Lena/Andrea and Nia scenes and Alex and Kelly being present in the crossover, but Kara isn’t are much stronger indicators that something is strange about the ending.

IMO Kara focusing primarily on being a reporter while still physically having her powers would imo mean that she still has to hide and hold back part of herself. And Kara giving up her powers seems pretty weird if having powers is just factually useful in protecting people like Alex.

In the end, we don’t know. Sometimes shows make odd and questionable choices for their finales. But I do think that “Kara does not like superheroing anymore” or “Kara starts to dislike her powers” would have to be built out considerably more in the upcoming episodes (and again seems at odds with everybody around her seems gaining powers as opposed to losing them).

And any “gives them up out of love for a person” (whether that person if Alex or “insert you own preference”) because it would have to account for why that person would even want that.

I get why people think a Legion ending would be wonky to them, but I think they should admit that a depowered or genuinely retired Kara ending is not really such a great clean cut obvious choice either for the tone the show has at the moment.

(by comparison “Kara decides to take some time to travel, while still having superpowers” whether the target of the travel is somewhere on earth or the future is an easier easy slot in for almost any situation, but who knows how well that fits with the big speech that Mel presumably shot)

And I know what you’re going to say. “why are Mon-El and Winn back for the finale then?” Well, maybe because Supergirl officially leaving Earth with the Legion is the perfect cover story for Kara to use so she can retire. If the world thinks Supergirl is gone, then she can just be Kara Danvers full time.

For the record, I’m not an SC. I don’t want Kara to stay in the present and give up her powers just so she can be with that vile woman. But as a fan of the character and her journey, every little hint I’ve seen about her never feeling at home on earth makes me think that her happy ending really is going to be the opposite of what we’ve been speculating.

Please, dont say that you know what other people are going to say because it's annoying. Sorry, maybe it's too early for answering anons, but just don't:)

Why a cover story for this.

In the last battle she didnt lost her powers, from what we can tell from the spoilers pics, and i can't imagine Kara still having powers but not using them.

As I said I can't be sure but nope. Making Kara just a human would piss off everyone and I don't see how it could be cool ans satisfying... I still hate this word, lol

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simontams · 7 years ago

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HEY NAT NAT BEN BEN WHAT ABOUT TORCHWOOD 🔥🔥🔥

I feel personally targeted. And I want that in writing.

Okay here goes nothing. *Rolls up sleeves*.

Warning: Will likely evolve into a long, in-depth, Torchwood analysis

Favourite Character:

I’m half asleep as it is and you go and encourage me to talk about Ianto Jones, who is not only my favourite character in this show, but probably overall.

The question is, can I pinpoint why?

Can I articulate how much this character genuinely means to me without just giving up and keyboard smashing at like 2am?

Okay, to start with, he’s not in the first two series an awful lot, however much I try to convince myself otherwise, but the development he does get is credit-worthy. And I think from the start, I was won over by his priceless expressions, sarcastic humour and sweet demeanour. Yet, throughout my numerous rewatches, the occasional bleaker episode, and low-key audio addiction, I’ve learned that there is more than meets the eye and maybe that's what makes him so interesting to me- All characters have more to them that originally assumed but there’s so many aspects to Ianto’s personality that slowly reveal themselves that you cant possibly know everything. You keep on learning and wondering about his past, his motivations, his true feelings- I’ve seen on countless occasions people labelling him as overrated and simply seen as that outside innocent coffee boy (sure, its the button on the top), but I think his clear popularity could be because a lot of people, dare I say, relate to him?

One of my favourite things about the Doctor Who universe especially and, in turn, Torchwood, is that it is real, it has real characters who have real emotions and real flaws, which shouldn't be excluded as they only add to their human degree of complexity- what would the series be without returning home to a concerned Jackie Tyler for a cup of tea every once in a while? without seeing characters reach behind that innate curiosity at the science-fiction and occasionally express fear at what is uncomfortable and unknown?

Doctor Who is not about aliens, it’s about people- and Ianto Jones is no exception. And in some ways, he can be the most human of them all- his excitement and confidence when he’s viewed as Jack’s boyfriend, his maintained calm exterior that he chooses to present to the world, his friendship with Tosh and the others, his weird habits and his humour, right up until his brutally heartfelt death scene.

Ianto Jones is one of the only characters that I am sure will remain this close to my heart, and I constantly switch between connecting to him and marvelling at how much more there is to see. Not to be too deep or over-exaggerated, but under everybody's excitable obsessions with TV shows, bands, books- there's something that genuinely helped them learn more about themselves and grow as a person behind it, they represent a certain time in that individuals life and that has to be appreciated- in the same way, that can be said for my attraction to Torchwood as a whole and towards Ianto as a character.

Second Favourite Character:

Now that we’ve accepted me as a high-key, over-the-top teenaged fan, hence somehow continuing reading, let’s move on to the impossible choice of, who do I prefer more: Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper or Jack Harkness? (I’ll mention my Gwen angst later).

Firstly Jack, will always, in my eyes, be one of the most deep and fascinating characters from what I’ve seen of the franchise as a whole- the contrast between the self-assured and flirtatious alien, the darker side of his immortality, and even the earlier con-man interpretation of his endlessly gripping character. Some of my favourite aspects of him in Torchwood are when we see him through his own outlived eyes; his loneliness or anger or even fragility, the latter being especially in regards to his relationship with Ianto and his over-arching knowledge that nothing lasts for him. And while he will always be one of my favourite characters in general, this one is a close call and I regret to view him as anything less than such- but I’m gonna have to go with Owen.

But first, let me appreciate Tosh- underestimated, brave, intelligent and affectionate Tosh, who is so close to Owen in terms of my tribute, it was near impossible to choose between the pair- in fact it still is and if asked this another time I would probably change my mind repeatedly. She tries so hard to gain approval and security, she's just genuinely lovable...and she did good.

I know Owen- apparently I’m having an Owen day- is disliked by the best of us in season 1, and some still after, I mean he is outwardly an arsehole, he's even aware of such, and the way he treats others including Tosh is inexcusable- but it’s season 2 where I genuinely fell in love with him, if not, mid-way through the first season after seeing the affects of Diane’s departure and his more sensitive self. Because like I said before- these human qualities, however negative, only add to him as a character.

When all the ‘dying drama’ goes down we realise how truly fragile he is, and in Fragments we see this to an even greater extent pre-torchwood: he's had a bad time of it, to say the least. And I will place him in second place after Ianto primarily due to this drastic turn and the realisation that he is such a prime example of ‘messed up and imperfect yet completely misunderstood’ and deep down, one of the most sensitive and caring of the lot.

I especially love when he begins to open up to Tosh and the numerous scenes in ‘a day in the death’ such as running into the bay or Ianto telling him to not let himself get beaten after all he has done, and that's also why that is one of my favourite episodes- I love this side of his character and how it contributes to him on the whole.

Character I’m Most Like:

God. Okay.

I honestly think this has to be the shortest reply yet. And for all the explanations worth, it has to be Ianto. Owen is angsty as hell, Tosh is kind and smart, Jack is tired, above everything and Gwen is adamant and sociable-

Ianto is humorous and loyal.

-Yet, somehow has the potential to be all of the other things too, and at times, has been. Which only furthers my previous point of him being relatable to most viewers at certain times throughout because of that.

Favourite Pair:

Now we’re talking.

There’s a word, a cursed, ancient term that’s been floating around the internet for a while now....: Janto.

Typical romance story, boy meets boy, boy is immortal alien, boy falls in love with welsh nerd who looks good in a waistcoat, the usual, yet...

Next, the heavy stuff :)

Ianto has so much love to give and he chooses to give it to Jack. His last serious relationship ended in tragedy and he finds himself in a casual fling with this, said immortal alien guy, who’s also...his mysterious boss. He appears genuinely happy and confident for the first time in a while and his utter joy will purify souls for many years to come.

But it’s not that simple, is it? It never has been. Because it gets serious and they can escape into their own connection outside of their work and all the other crap the team go through. They begin to understand each other on a deeper level despite their differences- and it’s fated to end in disaster: Ianto’s death.

One of the most heart-breaking yet beautiful and bittersweet factors of the show is this relationship. The most traumatic realisations? moments when Ianto acknowledges his mortality compared to Jacks curse to out-live everybody he loves (The dead line and Day 4, I’m looking at you). Maybe it’s on Jacks behalf that the extent and importance of their bond get highlighted- He unwillingly falls for Ianto and he in no way wants to recognize the unwavering sincerity of what they have, or at least publically, hence his hesitance when Ianto is proud to be seen as a couple at the beginning of Children Of Earth, because he doesn’t want to see something so good end and hurt him, again.

Also, the fact that their relationship is so private? It’s got a significant part to play when prompting the importance of what they have. Jack is characteristically flirty and outgoing, yet he keeps his feelings for Ianto close and guarded- because they mean that much to him. All of their intimate conversations- they're alone. It just develops and adds meaning and weight to their taboo ending.

That inevitably brings me onto the unspeakable death scene. I can wholeheartedly say that I have never witnessed such an emotional scene where a character has been killed off? It just, it gets to you? and I probably don't need to say that twice.

I don’t even know what it is, and I don’t care about the ‘he should never have been killed off’ or ‘he died for nothing’, god I want him to live as much as anybody, but they did choose to kill him off- and it was art.

The entirety of COE was, it was horrific and too close for comfort and one of the best pieces of television that I will ever have the pleasure to watch. Because it is raw and it’s soulful and it’s real and it breaks you- and god I wouldn’t want one of my favourite characters to go in any other way than something with this level of reputation and emotion.

The way Jack falls onto the floor next to Ianto, the ballad of Ianto Jones playing, the bigger picture of the theme of the series, them out of their comfort zone, beyond their control, influencing this, the government officials overlooking such an intimate moment, the way Jack tells them 'not him’ (that’s where I loose it, god I’m choked up just thinking about it), after Ianto tried to be the hero and stand next to Jack and help him confront the mistakes of his past- showing him that he's there for him when others doubt him, showing him that he can change and resolve it with him by his side, yet seeing that their efforts do not directly succeed? its not showing Ianto died with no final influence, its to show the extent of the bigger issue, it is out of their hands and that's why Children Of Earth is so, for want of a better word, scary- Gwen relating this degree of destruction to the absence of our established hero, The Doctor- terrifying.

How Jack wakes up and sees Ianto, how the audience see this character they've grown to love, dead, how defeated Jack looks with the knowledge that he will have to move on and can’t do anything about what had happened- it is seriously too much and can anybody who is that deeply connected to a scene, really hate on it for whatever reason?

God Jack blames himself, God Torchwood was the death of me-

you know I watched Children Of Earth over the evening of Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning? I watched Ianto Jones die on Christmas day 2015. Yeah.

Least Favourite Pair:

What the ever loving shit is Gwack.

(I like how you tiptoed around this Evie, and I just-)

Okay. I don't like Gwen.

Now hear me out, I don't like her in the first and second series. She was a cheat and I accept this as part of her character, and Owens, but it doesn't mean I have to ignore or like it- she also treat the others like they didn't understand, like they couldn't feel and aren't affected by what they see like she is when they've been through so much more in terms of their background- she is rash and selfish and Rhys deserved better.

There I said it- however, it is party due to the writing, she had a lot of potential but she can’t be treated as such a ‘nice’ or relatable character and role model, as the person who enters this alien world for the audience to relate to when she gets away with these things. But I’ll hold my hands up and says she grows up a lot come COE and in the books and audios.

Despite my feelings about Gwen- she has still got a boyfriend either way. No offence, meh, ish, but there is nothing between her and Jack romantically- if anything she merely represents the normal life that Jack cant have. The many, many, uncomfortable scenes when she stares at Jack while kissing Rhys, the flirting with who she thought was him on her wedding day, the part where he's teaching her how to shoot, its just that, its awkward and there's nothing to it. Why voluntarily choose to treat her as this person who uses people and makes excuses for herself when you can emphasise and focus on her other truly good qualities like her bravery?

Why dig for something that isn't there, they have a great friendship, why simplify that? he mentors her and she has Rhys, he has Ianto, there's so much depth to that relationship as I've been through, why choose to overlook it?

But ‘don't like’ isn't as strong a word as ‘hate’, I just don't understand why somebody would make it this hard to view her as redeemable- I know she is flawed, like the others- I just find it harder avoid and grasp why people want to further those parts of her and view it in a positive light and accept or ignore her cheating.

Gwen, I can hesitantly can get on board with, she is still part of the show I love, and while I can’t admit forgiving her I can say that her character, in turn, deserved better and while I acknowledge the problems she has, I appreciate her in COE, etc, because she does begin to develop and prove herself a bit more.

Nonetheless, I will never ‘get’ Jack and Gwen, it just doesn't rub me up the right way and seems pointless, it seems like ‘bait’ that some fans have fallen for and for me, it takes away so much of all of the characters involved and I’d rather view them for who they are rather than hinting at a negative version of who they could be.

And I'm sorry but Gwen and Owen are just bad for each other- they both deserve better than that.

Owen and Tosh? Beautiful and they should have gotten that date, they know each other so well and their death scene- why is this show so traumatic. But don't even get me started on that one-

‘Because you’re breaking my heart.’

Favourite Moment (s):

To be blunt:

Day 4- Ianto dies, yes really, #1, sorry...yeah..

Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, (Janto, in Adam)

A Day In The Death- Owen underwater, also in top 3...

‘No, ‘cause the phones aren't working’,

Captain Jack Harkness- Jack & Jack Dance, close second

‘Who’s for Chinese?’ ft. actually eating it and having a nice time Tm

When, in fragments, Owen first enters the hub and he is talking to Jack about how he's going to try to save as many people as he can but it'll never be enough

I’m not sure of the episode, likely ‘A Day In The Death’, but Tosh and Owen have a talk, wait was it ‘Dead Man Walking?’...yeah it was...

Broken, audio- Yeah, that- the car scene where their relationship truly begins and ‘stop the car’, ‘my coffee.’

‘Space Pig, Yeah?’

Fragments- ‘Jones. Ianto Jones’. ‘Captain Jack Harkness’

Does the John Barrowman ringtone blooper count? ;)

Not to approach the unapproachable, and it's not my favourite ‘cause that's like twisted but- ‘the Steven thing’ deserves a mention just for the fact that Jacks expression will haunt me forever

‘The world’s always ending, and I have missed that coat’

Did I mention the entirety of COE?

A Torchwood Captain and an ex-time agent walk into a bar...

Virus short story, ending and the part where Ianto goes rogue and badass

The goodbye in COE- should have ended there, it lost its weight

Consider this: In the shadows audio- Ianto, he just-

‘The Sin Eaters’ audio, cat falls through lift, that's all you need to know really, isn't it?

‘house of the dead’ when its all over and somebody approached jack and he answers them but then they go away and he- ‘goodbye Ianto’

‘Gwen....mine’s got a bell’, ‘Jack and Coffee’, ‘Lost Souls, audio

Honestly I've probably forgotten moments that I mention 24/7 but these are the ones that come to mind

I warned you that it was gonna be an uncharacteristically long one

Rating:

10/10...

Did you expect anything else after all of that? For all its imperfections, this show will always welcome me back with open arms, I’ve taken so much from it and it will remain my favourite show along with Doctor Who itself.

Funny Story: 5am

I told you Evie, I did.

#TV #Torchwood #asks #other #me

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