#I ALSO LOVE LANCE'S FAMILY TO THE BONE TOO..... LIKE FUCK CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE TWO HAVE LOVING FAMILIES WHO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT THEM

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 61

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

Autistic Lance (Voltron) [series] by dontthinkiwont

"Look, okay, I get it, I like peanut butter, you like sharks. It's a thing, whatever. But seriously, dude - what the fuck?" - Or, Lance has Autism Spectrum Disorder and this can cause him to fixate on some things. Like, maybe, for instance, great white sharks. For example.

yes i like this series for projection reasons. whatever. it was also one of the first autistic lance fics out there!! and its v heavy in platonic relationships yall are gonna love it

2. Revelations and Reactions by @azapofinspiration

Keith couldn't believe it. He was part Galra. That was hard enough to deal with... But then he realized that he would have to tell the rest of the team. He couldn't help but fear how they would react. In which Keith reveals that he's part Galra after facing the Blade of Marmora's trials.

azap truly never misses. they KNOWWWW how to do found family like a CHAMP and i will never get tired of reading canon corrections where keith is like. loved and accepted lol

3. A Memory Like a Snapshot by MemeKonVLD

Pidge is still close —closer than is entirely comfortable if he has to be honest— giving him an evaluating glance. Lance doesn’t really know where to look, other than up her nose— but that grows old pretty fast. So he looks at himself in the reflection of her glasses. And squints. He touches his own face for the first time since waking up— and feels the roughness of his chin. “I have stubble,” he says, and the words are as alarmed as they can be even though they still sound slightly slurred, slightly off. Pidge blinks a couple of times at him, and finally retracts into a more comfortable distance. “Well, yeah,” she says. “You are like, what? 22? 23 in a couple of months?” “I’m feeling— I’m feeling a little queasy,” he says then, with bright spots of color dancing in front of his eyes as he thinks 22. Suddenly, a bucket gets shoved against his face. He takes hold of it with clammy fingers and he leans on his side so he can... use it. Thoroughly. “I’m having Garrison flashbacks,” he hears Pidge say.   (Or: Lance is stung by an alien bug, loses his memories temporarily and makes assumptions about his and Keith's relationship. Also, Pidge cheats at Uno.)

losing your memories. and waking up. and someone treats you so kindly and lovingly that you know, immediately, in the bones of you, that they love you. and the feeling in your chest even if your brain doesnt remember of love for them tells you clearly that this person is your soulmate. i am going to LOSE IT

4. Love in the Times of (Intergalactic) War by MemeKonVLD

Lance: Oh, man. [I see him grow visibly excited here, leaning forward and putting his hands up— he’s big on gesticulating, as anyone who’s watched the pilots of Voltron host SNL a couple of months ago knows.] Space is vast. I know that’s not groundbreaking knowledge there, and everyone’s somewhat aware of it, but— being up there? traveling around space for years, and knowing we never even— we never even came near to touching upon a tenth of what’s out there? That’s cool, weird and scary all in one.

WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT 2016 FICS. HUH. ICONIQUE?? AMAZING??? SHOWSTOPPING?? INCREDIBLE??? bc pov outsider is the BEST and watching how much lance SHINES to anyone who looks at him...yeah

5. Skin by MemeKonVLD

He’s aware of Lance talking to him, but he’s still too asleep to try to decipher whatever it is he’s blabbering about. He only starts paying attention when one of Lance’s hands goes to the drawstring of his pajama pants. “Whoa, what are you doing?” He asks, slapping Lance’s hand away, cheeks warm. “You,” Lance starts, pointing at him (and Keith notices that for all he’s made fun of him for the last forever for them, he’s wearing his fingerless gloves), “are not screwing up my skin care routine, man.” (AKA: the one where Keith and Lance switch bodies.)

suave keith and flustered lance my BELOVED. swapped bodies truly has to be one of the top ten tropes of all time. love watching them be in love and also stupid

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[lanceville]

does it ever occur to you how much krolia loves her son to bits and pieces and then a wave of relief washes over you because these two miraculously found each other again after all these years and after being light years apart

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 206

206

Keith did not enjoy seeing Lotor again. He didn’t think it possible that the amount of annoyance he felt for the man was actual, until he saw his face again. Hair pulled back. Ridiculous purple and blue suit. Ridiculous blue leather shoes. One look at him and he wanted to kill Lotor. He wanted to kill him, but for a bastard, he was a nimble bastard.

Laying on the floor of the training room, Keith’s chest heaved as he fought to catch his breath. They were “playing” tag. Coran recording each session to monitor Keith’s growth. So far the only thing that had grown with these stupid session was Keith’s bank account. He couldn’t catch Lotor, and he couldn’t turn into a damn werewolf. He could catch up to Lotor, then as if by magic, Lotor would be out of his grasp again. Surely if Keith was meant to learning how to live, move, and think, like a werewolf, a werewolf teacher would have been better? Matt had been in a huff over someone else teaching him, but he didn’t have time between being head over heels for Rieva and working at Hunk’s dad’s garage. Rieva had the time, but didn’t have the right words. She’d tried to talk him through grasping his ego and letting the shift happen. It hadn’t happened.

“Get up. Let’s go again”

Rolling his eyes at Lotor, Lotor could go again. He could go and keep going. Keith might even drag himself up off the floor to get the door for Lotor on the way out

“Fuck off. You stick and you make a lousy partner”

Lance smelled like “good death”. Lotor smelt like fish left in the sun to rot in a plastic bag, then someone had come along and poked a hole in it

“The little werewolf all out of bark. Maybe I’ll take it on myself to show Lance how nice it is to be around a fellow vampire rather than a flea riddled mongrel”

Snarling at Lotor, Keith wished he didn’t bite every time Lotor baited him. The vampire had asked how Lance was, Keith had told promised him that he’d kill him if ever did again. Forcing himself up, the werewolf reminded himself that this was all for Lance and buying Lance the engagement ring of his dreams. The physical exercise bit felt good, his body felt good for now active he’d been, yet Lotor couldn’t let him have that... Noooo. He was “too slow”. He couldn’t go any faster than the limits he’d been hitting. He gladly would if he could. Lotor’s throat would feel so nice between his teeth. He, and his ego, hated Lotor with so much passion that Keith truly expected his inner wolf to break free.

“It’s obvious to anyone who looks at you that you’re nothing more than a rotting sack of meat and bones. We should have killed you when we had the chance”

Lotor laughed, Keith not amused as he’d been deathly serious. His nails long, teeth extended, and he knew he was pulling his “scary face”

“You wound me, Keith. Do you really hate me, or are you simply jealous that I could snatch your life away before you even blinked”

“A piece of shit like you who values nothing could never understand”

“Says the turned runt who can’t lay a finger on me. I must say, you are lacking in every single point in your personality. You must be a hell of a fuck, for I no other reason for Lance to keep his pet dog around”

Lotor could rile him up, but the moment he mentioned Lance, he crossed the damn line. Snarling, he locked his gaze on Lotor, chest heaving as rage threatened to boil his blood

“I’m going kill you. I’m going to sink my teeth into your throat and enjoy the blood running down my throat”

“You have to catch me first”

*

Lance scrubbed his face tiredly as he watched Keith and Lotor on the camera feed. The pair were as bad as each other, and reminded him painfully of his training with Lotor. Lotor was an expert at exploiting a persons weakness

“Have they been like this for the whole week?”

“Indeed they have, my boy. Lotor refuses to rein his ego in, constantly provoking Keith until he loses his cool”

“Keith’s gotta learn how to control himself, I’m getting tired of him coming home in a bad mood”

Keith didn’t know Lance had come to pick him up. The vampire escaping Rieva’s wrath and fussing. Feeling like doing some yoga and light stretching, she’d scared the crap out of him by yelling “boo!”. As a result he’d bitten through his tongue and smacked his face on the coffee table as he lost his balance. The whole reason he’d been practicing so close to the coffee table was so if he lost his balance he had something to grab for. Spending half an hour patching him back, she’d shifted into talking about his birthing plans and lectured him for sleeping too much during the day. He didn’t have birthing plans. He left that for Coran. If he went into labour, he went into labour. Keith would take him to VOLTRON, where Coran would perform the Caesarian. He loved Rieva, but he’d also loved stretching in near privacy because his body felt so stiff from sleeping all sorts of odd hours, not that he could help it. Now he’d not only been interrupted, and felt highly embarrassed being sprung in yoga pants and an ill fitting shirt, but was slightly slurring as his tongue was taking forever to heal its damn self, almost like his stupid arm that’d taken a whole stupid week to fix itself.

“Shall I have a word with Lotor? I’m quite sure he’d stop antagonising Keith if I were to ask”

Allura had the vampire shaking his head

“Nah. This is something they have to work out. Keith’s holding back too much. I can see him thinking. He’s thinking he wants blood, but the good part of him is conflicted about going too far and potentially hurting Lotor”

Crossing her arms, Allura wore a heavy frown that didn’t suit her beautiful face

“I’m more worried about Lotor hurting him. I understand he needs to provoke Keith, yet he is quite disrespectful”

“Keith has to learn how to cope with it. It’s no good if he goes up against a group of vampires and finds himself overwhelmed. I don’t like it, and I’m not fond of Lotor’s methods, but this is for Keith’s sake. I wish I could go down there and tell him to give it his all”

Coran and Allura knew he’d snuck out, Allura giggling as she covered her mouth

“Afraid you’ll be in trouble for running away?”

“Hey, I know I’m going to be in trouble. Keith’s very protective of me and if he knew Rieva upset me, he’d probably try to throw her out the house”

He’d left in tears. Well, he’d held his tears in until he was squashed into his car, then burst into tears over not having a birthing plan

“That’s no good. If he’s not getting along with them, that makes for a stressful situation”

If they talked to Lotor and gave Keith a win, he’d be devastated by the fakeness. Lance naturally wanted Keith to win, but he believed his fiancé and knew Keith would work his arse off harder after each defeat...

“That’s not the problem. He’s cranky over Lotor beating him day after day. We both get on with Matt and Rieva, even if Matt keeps pushing Keith’s buttons. Rieva had to stop them from murdering each other last night. Matt cheated on the game they were playing together and nearly got the controller embedded in his head for it”

Allura’s giggle turned into a proper laugh. She could laugh it up as she hadn’t been there

“Trust me, it’s not that funny. Matt tackled him on the sofa and I swear they nearly broke it. Rieva put Matt in a time out and Keith refused to talk about it when we went to bed”

Coran wiped an imaginary tear from his right eye, gushing as he did

“I think it’s lovely that you young folk get along so well. Perhaps I should give Keith the day off? I don’t want to upset him so much that he doesn’t return to active duty. He’s grown so much. Oh, he’ll make such a wonderful father to the twins...”

Great. His family were weirdos. He didn’t need Coran gushing over Keith, his ego was happy enough to do that about their mate as it was... Keith was strong and brave, that knowledge was what kept him from marching down there and going Lotor for the hurtful things he was saying

“Coran, that has nothing to do with what’s happening now. Isn’t there any way you can get Keith to shift that’s actually helpful? Rieva tried to help and he had no luck there”

“No. I can manipulate his quintessence, but I would prefer not to. Keith needs to focus on finding those feelings that’ll trigger that change in him for himself. How has been after his second moon?”

Lance wasn’t sure there was much of a difference after the second moon seeing Keith had made such a big stride in learning he could be himself around Lance. His fiancé never violent or threatening towards him, just frustrated and cranky to Matt and Rieva... Mostly Matt, and mostly deserved at the time. Matt and Rieva understood it was ego related, and weren’t actually able to help Keith calm it back down

“You’ve seen him more than I have. He’s here from 9am to 4pm every day. All we’ve got time for when he gets home is dinner, snuggles on the sofa, then bed early because he’s worn out. The first thing he does when he gets home is take a shower. He thinks it helps lessens Lotor’s scent, but it doesn’t do much when the scents on his clothes and I’m the one who puts the washing on. I made the mistake of mentioning I could smell Lotor and it really upset his ego”

Coran hummed. Lance mentally agreed. Humming summed things up perfect, as if these sessions didn’t start improving, they’d have to look at other options. Lance knew if Keith could just land that one hit, his confidence would skyrocket and he’d start believing in himself again.

Giving Keith another half an hour, Lance couldn’t let the pair of them go on any longer. Keith kept lashing out, and Lotor’s laughing had gotten on his nerves. Sometimes a vampire had to take matters into his own hands. Pushing his chair, back Lance bit down a groan a he pushed himself up. Coran shifted back, the fae raising an eyebrow at his actions

“Lance?”

“I’m going to go talk with Keith”

“My boy, I hardly think now’s a good time. I think it best we wait until these two tire fire the day”

“That’s why now is the perfect time. I just remembered something that I think is going to help Keith and I want to see if I’m right”

“You should let me go in first...”

Coran worried too much

“Coran, it’ll be fine. If Lotor tries something, Keith will lose it. Lotor will know that the moment he sees me, and this can’t wait”

“Still, it’s better to be safe that sorry”

“I’ll be okay. This is something I have to tell Keith properly and alone. Just keep watching over them”

Waddling his pregnant arse down to the training room, Lance knocked before he opened the door. Lotor casually leaning on one of the training dummies across from Keith. Their egos ridiculously strong, but he wasn’t going to back down now that he’d cured his own stupidness over the situation. Snarling at him, Keith needed a few moments to register him before his body slumped

“Babe?”

“Sorry to interrupt, Keith, I need to borrow you for a moment”

His fiancé sounded frustrated as he muttered

“We’re pretty much fucking done here...”

“Don’t. Just come out here for a moment. Lotor, give us a few minutes then I’ll send Keith back in”

Following him out into the hall, Keith threw himself to lean against the wall as Lance shut the door behind him

“What are you doing here?”

“Escaping Rieva and her birthing plans”

“So I suppose you saw how badly I was doing?”

“It wasn’t that you were doing bad... Look, I’m an idiot. I didn’t think about it, then I remembered something important”

Keith seemed pretty disinterested in this “important something”, gesturing for him to continue

“Well, watching you two, it reminded me what it was like to fight Matt”

Rolling his eyes at him, Keith kept with the muttering

“Matt was a proper wolf, not like me”

“You are a proper wolf. But that’s the thing. You saw how hard it was at first for us to get along comfortably until we had that fight. It made me think about how I felt. Your ego doesn’t respect Lotor because he doesn’t respect you”

“Tell me something I don’t know”

“Well, it’s basically because you’re holding back. I didn’t hold back when I fought Matt, and he didn’t hold back either. You need to stop holding yourself back”

“Thanks, Sherlock. No fucking shit”

Nope. Keith was not going to get under his skin

“When you go back in there, you have to stop seeing Lotor as a person. He’s not. Matt tore me to shreds, but I healed right up. Remember? I know it scared the shit out of you to see what it was like, and I think that’s part of what’s holding you back. You’re scared you’re going to hurt Lotor, even if it’s subconsciously, the thought is still there. You’re thinking too much like a human. Think of him as your pray. The hunter become the hunted. You are nine-hundred-and-fifty-zillion times the man he’ll ever be. You have the skills. You have the training. I know you’re scared of yourself because I have moments when I’m scared of myself”

Keith threw his hands up

“I’m not like you, babe. I don’t know how to cope with this. I’m sorry, but turning me into a wolf was wasted on me. I’m useless”

Lance snapped hard

“Keith Kogane, you are not useless. You’ve had two fucking moons and you’ve already settled into living with a vampire for a lover. God. I want to shake you right now. I felt how badly your egos were clashing in there. You were an absolute fucking bad arse hunter before you turned. You need to have faith in yourself”

“Yeah, and what if I can’t fucking turn back from being a wolf?!”

“You will because I know you will. Matt and I worked things out because our egos accepted each other as pretty much being mutual bad arses. Lotor, is Lotor. Everything he’s riling you up with is shit. You are my fucking mate, and I love you. When you go back in there, remember that you’re top dog. The only vampire who’ll ever now down to you is me. The only way to get Lotor to respect you is to make him bleed. It’s not pleasant but that’s how our stupid egos work. You can do this. You can do this because I know for a fact you can”

“And what if I take it too far?”

“Coran will stop things before that happens. Babe, we can’t help or protect people from the bad things if you can’t get out of your own head. You’re amazing. You’re amazing and I love you. Even if Lotor kicks your arse, we’ll watch it over and over and we’ll figure out where you need to make adjustments. Even if he makes me cry because you’re bleeding, I‘ll be there to patch you up. You’ve got this, and I’ve got you”

Shuffling over to him, Keith wrapped his arms around him

“You’re the amazing one. It’s nothing like how it was when you fought with him”

“That’s because I’m older than you. But you have a secret a weapon that he doesn’t. You have me on your side. Your very pregnant me”

“I feel like I’m back at the beginning again”

“Because you are. That’s not a bad thing. You haven’t picked up a lifetime of bad habits. Your stances are sloppy and your feet are too far apart. Raise your head and be confident. Then, once you’ve won, you can buy me dinner”

“I’m sorry I’m so weak”

“Aw, baby. No. You’re not weak. I was traumatised for a very long time after my turn. But when facing someone like Lotor, you can let that last little bit of fear fuck right off. You’re a werewolf. You’re my werewolf. Remember all that shit he used to go on about, about the “blood of kings”? What’s so good about it? When you fight, you’re fighting to protect families like ours. I’ve got your back”

“You always encourage me... I don’t deserve it”

“You’re always encouraging me too. You encourage me to go to bed. You encourage me to stop scrubbing at the grout in the kitchen...”

Keith snorted at him, the sniffled. His poor fiancé had shocking self esteem since his turn

“I don’t think you’re using that word right. And why do you have a lisp?”

“I bit my tongue. Rieva scared the crap out of me when I was doing my yoga in peace. I don’t know if that was better or worse than her insisting I need a birth plan”

“I thought the plan was that if you went into labour we came here?”

“I know right?! But nooo. Apparently wolves do it different? Anyway, I’m going to go back up there, and I’m going to be cheering you on”

“I don’t...”

“Nope. No. Nooo. No bad mouthing. That’s like insulting my ego and my choice in men. I refuse to be anything but proud of you”

“I’m proud of you too... but please don’t ever go that close to Lotor again. Not when we’re... training”

“For you, I won’t. Now go get him!”

*

Slipping back into the training room, Keith felt his ego flare at the feel of Lotor’s. Lotor was standing there checking his phone, giving Keith a sideways glance as if his presence was worthless. Lance had it all figured out. Turning into a wolf terrified him. He didn’t know if he’d be able to control himself, or how to move his body once he shifted. He didn’t know if he’d lose his mind and go Lotor with dire consequences he’d have to live with. Lance was also right. He couldn’t not draw on his wolf side if it meant protecting people. Him being cowardly could cost Curtis and Shiro their lives.

“Everything okay?”

The way Lotor asked with obvious curiosity instantly got under his skin. Taking a deep breath, Keith nodded. He had Lance on his side. His fiancé hadn’t cared about Lotor. He’d barely glanced his way when he’d opened the door to the training room, and that’d done wonders for Keith’s twinges of jealousy. Out of the two of them, Lance had chosen him all over again. He now got what Lance meant. There’d been a little respect between him and Matt, allowing them to fight as equals. He didn’t see Lotor as his equal so he’d been fighting on his back foot, half a step behind. Wounds would heal. This was training and not real life. He could afford to test his limits because neither he nor Lotor had to currently worry about the consequences of them going all out.

“Fine. Nothing for you to worry about”

And a lot less for him to worry about. Lance was watching over him. He’d stop him before he fucked up beyond repair. Lotor didn’t respect him... it pained Keith to admit he needed to show more respect towards the vampire and treat training much more seriously than he’d let himself previous

“Are you sure? Lance seemed positively ready to burst on the spot”

“What do you except? He’s heavily pregnant with our twins. Are we going to do this or are you too busy playing on your phone?”

Lotor sighed at him

“We’ve spent hours accomplishing nothing. Perhaps it’s time you tucked your tail between you legs and trotted back home? I doubt that wolf inside you is anything more than a yapping puppy”

Keith could feel his wolf... he could feel it and that was the whole problem. Him not being himself. He didn’t want to be that kind of person. He was too scared Lance would reject him for letting his wolf out. But Lance had soothed him, told him to go for it, he hadn’t been very talkative at home thanks to all of this weighing on his mind. He was working through his fears, but needed to grow sure of himself again. It felt like he had to rebuild himself bit by bit ever since he’d woken up. He’d never admit to Lance that he wanted to give up almost every single day, even with all the love and support poured on him.

“You want to see my wolf?”

“Isn’t that the whole reason we’ve been tasked with this ridiculous endeavour?”

“Remember you asked for it”

“I’ll remember that when I’m wiping the floor with this human form of yours”

*

Shuffling back into the monitoring room, Lance let out a sigh of deep relief to be off his feet the moment his butt hit the chair. He could totally go for a nap right now, but had to stay awake. He had to see what Keith could do, and if his words had helped in any way

“Everything okay, my sweet boy?”

“Just had to remind Keith of something. Did I miss anything?”

“Only Keith watching Lotor as he taunts him”

Coran sounded annoyed with Lotor. Lance was as annoyed, but egos were like that. The way the room had felt left him feeling grimy, egos so thick he could taste it on his tongue. Any longer in the space he would have fallen to his knees with his head bowed and in labour. His stomach cramping from the few moments of intense pressure, not that he’d let it show. Not that his ego would let it show. They were a vampire, and Lotor was no otherworldly demon.

Coming up behind him, Allura looped her arms around him

“How do you feel?”

Patting Allura’s arm, Lance rubbed his cheek against hers. He still hadn’t replied to Veronica. He really needed to reply to Veronica

“Good. Allura, I should probably warned you that I told Keith to stop holding himself back... He was thinking too much as a human and not enough as a werewolf”

Allura kissed his cheek. His ego didn’t want to be touched by anyone other than Keith, but he’d never turn Allura away. She knew is as she quickly drew back

“I’m not surprised. Keith has quite a soft heart. I do hope Lotor doesn’t hurt him”

“If Lotor doesn’t hurt him, then he didn’t listen to me. Watching them reminded me of when Matt and I fought to settle our egos. Neither of them want to acknowledge the other out of personal pride. And Keith’s scared of losing himself to his wolf. We should be in for something good... well, not that I want Keith hurt, but you know”

“We do love stubborn men, don’t we? Perhaps we should get some popcorn as we watch them make fools of themselves?”

“Allura, sister from another mister, I couldn’t agree more”

Coran sent himself for snacks, being pregnant had its perks as all he had to do was fake the idea of leaving VOLTRON to retrieve them and Coran was quick on his case about how he’d go while Lance rested. Lance felt a little bad, for a few moments, before he was beaming at the screen in front of him. Carefully Keith had watched Lotor. They’d circled each other, then Keith had torn his shirt off. Damn if his fiancé wasn’t the hottest man on Earth, Allura copping a snarl at her low “oh my”. Rolling his neck, there was bloodlust in Keith’s eyes. His claws extending further, initialling resisting before shifting before their eyes.

Lotor packed himself. Well, Lance liked to think he did as Keith’s huge wolf form lunged for him. God knew Lance swooned on the spot. The power and speed well and truly befitting the man he loved and prided himself on being the mate of

“He’s certainly larger than I believed”

“You should see him in real life. He’s so fluffy and soft...”

“Coran had said he acted rather tame”

“Mhmm. Unless I’m threatened... Those jaws of his are no joke. My arm’s only just regained full function, which was a pain in the arse to hide from him”

“He bit you?”

“Only a little. Pidge was watching movies with me and he got startled by her”

“Shouldn’t you have healed?”

Ugh. Tell him about. Memory loss. Napping all day. His arm and his tongue... his hips... He had the utmost respect for pregnant people who were able to work through everything right until the end of the their pregnancy

“I can only guess everything I’ve got is going to the twins”

“Lance, you can’t be so careless with your body. We would all be devastated should something happen to you”

“I’m fine, Allura. I’ll be fine. It’s only a little longer and they’ll be here”

“Perhaps you should come stay here until you give birth? You could share my space... and we could have movie nights whenever you wished. Do each other’s hair. Paint our nails”

That sounded so damn tempting

“Thanks for the offer, but honestly, being home feels best. And Keith needs the space”

“I just don’t want you to feel like you’re alone...”

“I’m not. Besides, I know I always have you and Coran right here”

“Don’t you ever forget that. You’re like a brother to me...”

“And you’re like a sister to me. I can put up with some discomfort for a little while longer. It’s all going to be worth it when we finally get to meet them”

“I hope you know Allura is a fine name”

Lance chuckled

“I do. I’m sorry to tell you, but out of fairness to all our friends, we’re not going with your names. I love each and every one of you, and could never replace any of you. No. I have one name in mind, but we’ll wait and see”

“Alfor’s also a good name. So is Alfie...”

“And one day, when you have a child of your own, what are you going to do when I’ve stolen your name?”

Allura sighed

“I must admit, I hadn’t thought of that”

“You’ll be a great mum. But even if you don’t have kids, you’ll be a great aunty to the twins...”

“Oh, I’m going to spoil them rotten. We’re all so happy for you and Keith”

“I know... and speaking of Keith, I think he’s got Lotor on the run”

Pulling a well used trick, Lotor had scaled the wall and was now frowning down on Keith who was patiently watching his every move. Lance didn’t know if Keith would remember shifting, but he sure as heck was going to brag about it when they got home. His fiancé was best boy. He just needed to believe in himself the way Lance did.

[ruluxe]

First Line Tag Game II

tagged by @spaztictwitch 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening lines then tag 10 of your favorite authors.

Tagging Sam because if this is the only way to get more fic out of you then believe I’m gonna exploit it. Also @hadenxcharm @kuroosden bc I know there is more fic ya’ll are holdin out on us

1. Just the One [wip/shinoyama]: The news of Shino’s death devastates Yamagi and the conversation with Eugene he has afterwards doesn’t do anything to help ease the painful ache in his chest. [2017, Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron Blooded Orphans]

3. Beyond Event Horizon [abandoned/klance/past!sheith]: Bixby’s limit ends on a long and winding dirt road in the middle of nowhere with nothing but dry desert plains and mountains that pierce the sky in the far distance. [2016, Voltron Legendary Defender]

2. Grind the Dirt [marker/wip]: This isn't how it’s supposed to go, Marco thinks as Striker's tonfa clips the edge of his jaw and the taste of blood explodes across his tongue. His shoulder's been dislocated, his lips are cracked and bloodied and every bone in his body suddenly feels as fragile as glass. [2016, Gangsta.]

4. Anemones & Agony [wip/picture perfect verse!imahana]: The thing about rules is that they're made to be broken. At least, that's Hanamiya's defiant outlook on everything, rebellious in his form with every task he's made to execute. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

5. What the Night Knows [klance]: He comes to Lance in the still of night, when the entire ship is quiet save for the surprisingly soft whir of its engine. [2016, Voltron Legendary Defender]

6. Within Reach [aokaga]: As a child, Aomine had always been entranced by the stars in the sky. There were so many of them; so many constellations and far-off galaxies that always held endless possibilities for his imagination to run wild. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

7. Save the Last Dance [8059/yamagoku]: Weddings were never Hayato’s thing; the expectancy of socially interacting, having to keep the same false smile plastered on his face and having drunk girls asking him for dances he cannot refuse. [2016, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!]

8. My Dream Was Actually You [aokaga]: The crowd’s roars and cheers for their victory are deafening. So loud that Aomine can't hear the sound of his own heart thudding against his chest or the rush of adrenaline pounding in his ears. When he looks up at stands, he can see Satsuki giving him a thumbs up alongside Tetsu. It makes him roll his eyes but his mouth slides too easily into a grin nowadays. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

9. Tides that Bind [matsuhana]: Everything goes still. For a fraction of a second it’s like Issei is suspended in a timeless space, giving him a moment to stop and take a breath. The sun has begun to disappear into the ocean, the thin crest of orange light bleeding out into the purple sky, streaking it with hues of yellow. The clouds are still, cotton swirls of pink against the backdrop of serenity. The water beneath is calm and rippling shimmering gold tides that kiss the sand to the same tune of Issei’s breathing. [2016, Haikyuu!!]

10. Untitled [wip/aokaga/some kind of royal/medieval knight au]: It begins with the warmth of the sun beaming on worn bodies pressed against one another wrapped in unnecessarily extravagant satin. There are scars spread across skin, mapped out like fissures and crevices of ancient and forgotten battlefields. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

11. Untitled [wip/matsuhana/Purge au]: Takahiro has always marched to the beat of his own drum but today, March 22nd, he marches to the beat of the drums signifying the countdown to commencement. [2016, Haikyuu!!]

12. If the World Fell at Our Feet [iwaoi]: The atmosphere is dry and static-charged like a spark at any given time would set the air aflame. The wind picks up, kicks sand into a hurricane that spins across the baron wasteland. It smells of heat and sulfur and iron like a volcano on the verge of eruption. [2016, Haikyuu!!]

13. Home for the Holidays [zhanyi]: Zheng Xi once read somewhere that the warmth and joy of Christmas brings people closer to each other. He's always been close with his family, so he's never really known what it feels like to be alone on Christmas, never known the true depth in the meaning of those words. [2016, 19 Days]

14. Saying Goodbye [zhanyi]: He smells nice. It's a thought Jian Yi shouldn't be having — not now — not when he's trying to forget, not now when he's asking for forgiveness and forgetfulness from the boy that holds him in an embrace that Jian Yi has already etched deep into his memory. He smells nice and he's warm. [2015, 19 Days] 

15. The Most Beautiful Sight [wip/sourin]: Sousuke's back is to him when he enters the waiting room; the large hospital window and the glow of the rising sun frames him in an almost holy divinity. From Rin's vantage point, Sousuke looks like he's staring out at the sorbet streaks of the early morning sky contemplating their existence. Rin knows that Sousuke doesn't see the beauty of the sunrise, he's likely brooding, trying to mask the nervous fret that has noticeably drawn tension in the other's shoulders. [2016, Free!]

16. Simplicity [saigenos]: The gold of Genos' eyes flicker under the dim flood of the orange street lamp. They seem to almost glow through the fog like headlights, and Saitama finds himself staring — but admittedly that's all he can do right now. [2015, One Punch Man]

17. Don’t Need an Excuse [aokaga]: “Hey… Tai.��� “Yeah?” Aomine pauses his game and glances over his shoulder. Kagami’s lying on the couch absorbed in an article he’s reading in a magazine. He’s chewing on his bottom lip the way he does when he’s concentrating. He sounds a million miles away. “I love you.” This gets Kagami to shut his magazine, turn his head in Aomine’s direction, enough for Aomine to see the look of perplexity scribbled across his face. “What did you do?” [2015, Kuroko no Basuke]

18. In the End, It’s Enough [aokaga, past!/unrequited!aokise]: It's not as warm in the stadium as Kise had thought it would be when he slips through the heavy doors quietly as not to disturb the audience. The screeching of rubber against laminate echoes through the space as do the bellowing voices of the players on the court. It's been a while since he's been to one of these games. [2015, Kuroko no Basuke]

19. Entwined [marker]: It seems fitting that things would end like this; Striker can't say he expected any other outcome. The heat of Spas' breath at his cheek is fading, each billow of breath gets more shallow with each exhale. Striker's limbs are starting to give out, he can feel the exertion in his legs as they struggle to keep him and Spas' added weight upright. The warmth of the other's blood seeping through his skin is comforting; his own beginning to congeal in the corners of his eyes and along the line of his nose. The sharp tang of metal is all Striker can smell, even with his nose pressed to Spas' skin. [2015, Gangsta.]

20. The Game [galahau]: The ropes aren't tight enough to cut into his wrists, but they burn friction along his skin when he struggles against his restraints. Galahad watches Hausen with bated breath, watches as the other drags a lube-slicked finger down the length of his cock. 

WAY LONGER THIS TIME OOPS also, here... I noticed that my writing style is so fucking inconsistent :’)

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 67: Home

Keith returns to his first home, and brings Lance to meet his father. But first, a tiny bit of fluff to soften(?) the blow

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode includes the themes of loss and grief, which be distressing to some readers. Please take care of yourselves <3<3<3

First  Previous  Next

Keith’s home is simple, four domes, one visibly newer than the others, and one with a new roof. The stove and fireplace have also been redone quite recently. There's also a little garden plot now, overgrown with unkempt flowering plants, lovely in its little patch of wilderness.

“Ah, Mom added a washroom. Thank fuck. Lake’s cold as shit for a bath… It was nice of her to fix the place up. I’d always assumed I’d come back out here when I finished my service.”

“I never really thought about your aspirations had you stayed,” Lance ponders.

“Mnh. Nothing special. Do my time in the military, maybe find a mate, come back here for a while, then travel the stars. Try to find Earth, where my name comes from. But I’m doing something different, and that’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“Being mated to you, raising our kits, and looking after the Altean Empire? It’s not what I imagined, but I like it well enough. I’m happy.” And, because Lance doesn’t quite look convinced, “Really, Lance. Our life together makes me happy. Come on. I’ll show you around. We’ll unpack, and then we can swim in the lake, and you can see the waterfall.”

Lance watches Keith carefully, unsure of how he’ll react now that he’s home. They carry their things inside, watching the breeze roll red earth over the red stone floor. The main room is simple: a small fireplace with a narrow chimney, a knotted rug, a pair of chairs, a stool. Draped over the newer-looking of the two chairs -the other looks rather weathered- is a thin, threadbare cloth blanket, sun-bleached red. Keith smiles, picking it up.

“This was my blanket when I was kit. I couldn’t sleep without it. I left it here when I went with Shiro. I thought it might get taken away… I wonder if we could use it for something.”

“What, like for a baby?” At Keith’s nod, Lance continues. “It looks pretty thin, but maybe Pidge could do something with it. They act callous about it, but they actually really like kids, and not as science experiments. Not exclusively, anyway. It’s cute that you’re thinking about that stuff already.”

“It’s not like we’ll have a lot of time to devote to that stuff once we get home. We’ve delegated pretty much all of our duties for now, but that won’t last long. I have to think about while I have time.”

“Well don’t think about it alone. I’m right here. I already told you: I’m not going to be like the ol’ sperm donor back home.”

“Ugh.” Keith rolls his eyes, turning to open the cellar by the table. “I don’t want to look, think, or hear about your sperm donor ever again. He will never be left alone with our kits.”

“Good idea. Given the chance, he’ll gift them weapons and tell them they’ll take a life before they’re twenty.” Lance sighs. “You are going to let him see our kits, right?”

“Of course! He’s their grandfather! If he wants to see them, and can behave himself, then I want him to. Under supervision. My mother on the other hand…” Keith frowns, stands, brushes earth from his clothes.

“What?”

“Nevermind. Just more family drama. We have enough already.” Keith huffs. “Come on. I want to go swimming.”

“Can’t say no to that!” Lance chirps, skipping after his spouse. He doesn’t believe it’s ‘just family drama’ at all, but he’ll let Keith tell him in his own time. Just like he'll let the young man stall doing what he actually wants to do.

So instead of pressing his stressed spouse, Lance serves to distract him, swimming with him, basking in the waning sun, shoving his head under the water, getting into splash fights, and not acting at all like the prince he is. Which is fine, because they’re alone, and this is a very short respite before their lives get even more complicated. Taking time to 'mess around' in a small alcove behind a waterfall doesn’t hurt either.

Later, settling back against the rock face to watch Keith float in lazy circles, he finds himself wishing, for the very first time in his life, that he weren’t who he is, and for only the millionth time that he could make every last one of Keith’s days exactly like this one.

Keith swam up to the ledge Lance was sitting on, fitting in between his legs. “You okay?”

“Mhm. Just watching.”

“Ah. See anything you like?” Keith rests his cheek against the inside of Lance’s leg.

“Many things… You’re being very cute.”

“Still riding the high of being mated to you. It’ll wear off in a few quintants.” Keith kisses the bare skin at the inside of his thigh, smirking when Lance jolts.

“Just in time for your season. Brat.”

“Yeah. I can’t seem to catch a break, can I?”

“You know we can change that if you want. And I’ll make it as easy for you as I can.” Lance’s stomach growls audibly, making Keith laugh, nuzzling against Lance’s leg, more sweet than sexy. They’ve been apart, physically, most of the day. He could probably do with some physical affection. The platonic kind.

Lance has caught on to just how important that contact is to Galra. When not working or in uniform, they’re a comparatively clingy species.

“Hungry?” Keith teases when Lance’s stomach growls again.

“I’ve been hungry since before we even got here!” Lance laughs, brushing dripping clumps of hair out of Keith’s face.

“You could have said something. We could have eaten already.”

“Yeah, well. I had better things to do. Like watching my husband have some fun for once.”

“Oh, come on, I have lots of-” Keith frowns. “You never call me your husband. Not unless you have to.”

“Yes, well.” Lance gazes at his husband, eyes soft. “It never really felt like you were. And you think gendering everything is stupid, so…”

“It’s fine.” Keith swims around, hauling himself up to sit beside his mate, cuddling up against his side, tail serving as an extra limb to hold him close. “I mean, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather call you my mate than anything else. That’s what actually means something to me. That's the word I choose for my life partner. And you should call me whatever means something to you. Whatever that is. Even if that’s just ‘my contracted roommate’.”

Lance laughs. “That’s… incredibly sweet. Sweeter than I expected, honestly.”

“What were you expecting?”

“I’m not sure. Perhaps a lecture on the arbitrary constructs of sex and gender?”

“Tempting.” Keith laces their hands together, nuzzling against his pointed ear. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “But I have something I need to do. I've stalled long enough. Will you come with me?”

“Of course.” If Keith doesn't want to go alone, Lance won't allow him to.

After grabbing a small bag from the den, Keith leads him through the last varga of light before sunset, weaving through trees like he still knows every root beneath his bare feet. BleepBloop eventually finds and joins them on their walk, presumably well-rested after sleeping the entire way there. The small primate remains mostly in the trees, leaping through the branches above, chittering and screeching at Keith to join him.

“We used to use the trees when we were out here,” Keith explains. “It tended to be safer than the ground. And most Alteans don’t tend to look up.”

“They really don’t. To be fair, it's unusual for fully-grown Galra to be hiding in trees. They don't exactly blend in.” The two laugh.

It fades quickly, when they stop at the edge of a ravine, Keith looking down. Without a word, t he Galra begins slipping down the side of the ravine, toward the water at the bottom. He moves with sure, practiced grace, aided further by familiarity with his surroundings, hyper aware of any changes. Lance is not so fortunate, slipping and sliding down the narrow ledges.

At one point, he loses his balance, falling back with a gasp. Fortunately, Keith manages to grab his arm, keeping him from falling to creek twenty dashes below. “You alright?”

“Fine. Just… struggling.” Lance does his best time hide how shaken he is. He can't imagine tiny, undersized Little Keith making this descent.

“Watch my feet. Put yours exactly where I put mine.”

With Keith moving slower, he’s more able to move safely down the side of the ravine. “This is much better. Thank you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t think about it before.” Keith settles his feet into the sandy bottom. “I’ll help you back up… We should have done this earlier. It’ll be dark pretty soon.”

“You weren't ready, earlier. Don't worry. I can make light for us if need be.”

Keith’s not really listening, Lance can tell. Tail swaying, ears pricked, the Galra stares at a pile of rocks, roughly the length of a grown, male Galra, and about two dashes high.

“Is that-”

“Yeah. I was only six, so I couldn’t exactly move him. The rocks kept scavengers off of him. It’s how we’d protect kills if we weren’t ready to clean them.” Keith wades through the shallow creek, ears drooped. “Some of his smaller bones have probably washed away. The rest will too, sooner or later.”

“I’m sorry, beloved.”

“It’s fine. He’d be okay with that. My dad… He loved it out here, feeling like a part of something natural, something alive and thriving, all while minding its own business. This is where he belonged. Becoming a part of it is what he would have wanted anyway. It was me that wasn’t ready.”

Lance has never really thought before about life without his parents. Sure, he’s never had his mother, but he’s grown up with two fathers. Even before Alfor officially remarried when Lance was seven, Coran was his parent. Lance has only ever called him ‘daddy’, and later ‘dad’.

Thinking about it now, Lance can’t imagine losing either of them. Sure, he doesn’t typically get along with Alfor, but Alfor is his father, and the king. He’s an extremely important figure in Lance’s life. And Coran…

Coran, with his permissive attitude and his terrible advice and weird anecdotes and random facts and always being there to soften the blow when Lance screws up- Losing either of them would be devastating. It’s a terrible thing to think about, and it’s Keith’s reality.

So when Keith says he wasn’t ready to let go, Lance says, “I wouldn’t be, either. I don’t know that I ever could be.”

But he'd be ready to be Akira in a heartbeat.

Keith doesn’t respond, very quiet as he finds a bit of dry sand. He pulls a clay bowl, the inside caked in ash, from his bag, pours in the rest of the bag’s contents. A feather. A few different stones. A glass bottle filled with several layers of different colored sediments, which he opens and pours into the bowl. Herbs. Another, smaller bottle of a fragrant oil, which is also poured out.

From his belt, Keith removes a pair of stones, striking them together until he creates a spark. Sitting cross-legged in the wet sand, Keith stares at the low-burning flames. He only has until the flames die before Akira's spirit is finally sent on. Krolia got to convene, and now it's his turn. After this, the gods will take his father away, and nothing but bones will be left.

It's part of the reason he was stalling. This is a final goodbye, and that's always a hard thing.

“Hi, Dad. I kept my promise. I’ve come home…” Keith sighs, looking up at the sky as his eyes immediately start to sting. Lance sits right behind him, rests his cheek on Keith’s shoulder. “But, uh… It’s not really home anymore. I’ve been gone a long time, and- I think it’s okay, don’t you? It’s okay for this to be my sometimes home instead Home home, right? I mean- Fuck, I’m bad at this.”

Lance’s arm curls around his waist from behind, gentle and comforting, just enough for him to know he’s there. “Just talk, beloved. That’s all you have to do.”

“What I’m saying is… You did it. You protected me, and- I survived, because of you. And now, I get to live.” Keith rubs tears into his fur, sniffling. He still really, really misses his dad. Every day, he feels that empty space where Akira used to be. “I have a new home, and a good mate, and we’ll have kits, and a good life, and I hate that you had to die to give me that -

"And it's fine. Everything will be fine. I'll rule Altea with Lance, and help Lotor honor your wishes for Daibazaal, and I'll be a good uncle for his kits, and I'll be a good father, and I'll help keep the peace and you don't have to worry, okay? I'll be just fine. Better than fine, even.

“And that's fine. Really! I just- I just wish you were here. More than anything, I wish you were still here. I miss you so much..." Keith practically falls against Lance, still heartborken. "There are so many things I'll never get to see. I'll never get to see you and Mom together. I'll never get to see you with Lance, or our kits. I'll never get to see you proud of me, and everything that I'm working for. And I know that you are, but I’ll never get to hear you say it and it sucks.”

Keith takes a deep breath. The offering flame is already fading, and with it, his time to convene. “I’m sorry you died, but I’m glad that I’m still here, and I’m grateful to you for that.” The last of the flames gutter out. “I love you and I miss you, Dad. And I’ll see you again. I'll tell you everything you missed.”

They’re left in the dark, Lance wrapping around him, holding him tight.

“Do you- Was it good enough?” Keith croaks, rubbing at his eyes.

“It was perfect, baby. It’s not a speech. It sounded just like you, and that’s good.”

“He was my whole world,” Keith whispers, clutching BleepBloop as the concerned primate climbs into his lap. “And then he was gone.”

“I know, beloved. I know.” Lance rocks them gently. “Are you ready to go back?”

“Can we- Can we stay here for a little bit? Please?”

“However long you want.”

Lance lifts his hands, forming a few tiny werelights to hover above them, pale, gentle light to keep the dark at bay. It’s a good change from being trapped alone in the dark, just Keith and BleepBloop. Now, there’s him, his mate, his pet, and the imprint of his father’s life and legacy. Beyond this little circle, there’s friends and family. A purpose. A home. A future.

A good life, all because of the thing that he lost.

That one, precious, irreplaceable thing.

[cabbagebender]

Keith? Oh and Hunk?

Ahh, thanks for the ask! From this headcanon ask game:

Hunk

Age:

Supplementary canon: 17 - 18 in Seasons 1-6, 18-19 in Seasons 7-8.

Headcanon: I take the birthdays and ages in the Paladin Handbook as if the book were written on January 1st, so Hunk is only three months younger than pre-space whale Keith, and he's closer in age to (psw) Keith than to Lance.

Ethnicity:

Supplementary Canon: Half Samoan, half African-American.

Headcanon: Samoan on his dad's side, African-American on his mom's. Yes, I have his entire family figured out. They were relatively major characters in a fic I was hyperfixated on writing for a few months.

Gender:

Sure!

Which is to say, I've entertained pretty much every gender headcanon there is for Hunk except cis girl.

Mental Health:

Anxiety

I've considered Hunk as having ADHD before

Physical Health:

I saw a colorblind headcanon for Hunk once and like, I can get behind that?

Also, I think it'd be tragically amusing if Hunk had a food allergy that piSSED him oFF because it keeps getting in the way of him trying dishes he really wants to try

Orientation:

Bi/Pan (I go back and forth on which label I use for him, but the sentiment remains the same – all genders)

Most of the time I headcanon him as someone who, well, doesn't necessarily actively identify as arospec, but acknowledges that he has NO idea how to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction. He just? loves people? Once the other person is like "this is what our relationship is" it's a lot easier for him to then develop his feelings along the appropriate track, but like, for example, if Pidge, his best friend who he has a 100% platonic relationship with and has never wanted anything different from, was suddenly like "hey, i wanna date you!" he probably would be like "yeah, okay, sure, we can try that!" (he might be confused because Pidge hasn't historically been romantically attracted to people. But if he was convinced she was serious). And that's not because he's secretly harboring romantic feelings for her, he's just sort of down for developing romantic feelings for any of his most special people at a moment's notice – OR for nurturing a hearty platonic love that can never be broken.

I have written him as more alloromantic, though – but he always values his friendships as much as his romances.

Poly Hunk poly Hunk poly Hunk P O L Y

(The Hunk-and-Allura polycule is one of my favorite little brain things, borne out of the fact that I keep shipping those two with the same people)

Religious Background and Current Beliefs

Protestant Christian to both of the above, of the "be generous and love thy neighbour" variety

Keith

Age:

Supplementary canon: 18-19 in S1-5, 21 in S6-8

Ethnicity:

Half Korean-American on his human side.

(In human!AUs, I have him as half Korean-American, half-English-American. The biggest empire in recent history is the British Empire, so I usually make humanized Galra characters English for parallel reasons)

(which is funky bc I've done a LOT of human AUs, which means in my head I sort of think of Keith as mixed white/Korean but in the actual show he's none white)

Gender:

Agender

The hair. It's been growing out for years. It's Keith's (lack of) gender affirmation project.

Sometimes I have them eventually going by K and using they/them pronouns.

Mental Health:

ADHD

Autism

Prosopagnosia (face blindness)

Desperate, desperate need of a therapist

Physical Health:

Lots of fun funky alien biology side effects that made his doctors twitch when he was a supposedly all-human kid:

I've seen headcanons that Keith can't digest vegetables because of his Galra heritage. I'm not sure if I hold that headcanon 100%, because he is still half-human, but I definitely agree that Galra are carnivores (look at the teeth) and Keith is probably malnourished. Even his human parent is big and buff and Keith... is not. If he'd been raised by his dad throughout his childhood maybe he would have grown up beefier and taller (since I'm sure his dad probably at least somewhat understood the Galra diet from having lived with Krolia), buuut his dad died when Keith was prepubescent and then he was in the foster system and... yeah he probably wasn't getting the optimized diet for his particular interspecies genetic makeup.

I like to think that he grew up with a couple of Very Strange Health Conditions that turned out to just be Galra things, like UV vision and two sets of baby teeth and ridges of bone protruding from.his scalp like Acxa has (hello, big poofy bangs to hide that).

Also, any time he had to do a blood test or a urine test at the doctor's it just... did not provide anything resembling useful information.

Doctor: I... don't know what I'm looking at here exactly but we've run the test multiple times and this seems to be your actual blood? How do you have this much iron in your blood?? Maybe eat... less meat?

Hunk, looking at the same results years later, having adjusted for Galra heritage: Keith, you're anemic.

Keith: are you KIDDING me

(see: Keith is malnourished)

Like most real life interspecies hybrids, I think Keith is probably incapable of natural reproduction.

Orientation:

Asexual

Aromantic

But like also sometimes he feels intense things for people that are different from his usual platonic bonds, but the word romantic is all lovey dovey to him and he Can't attach that to the complicated place his feelings are coming from so ??? Is he actually aro?? or does he just have Stuff way too deeply seated to ever process his romantic attraction in a clear and conventional way?? does it make a difference at this point, if the word aro is what's comfortable for him? aka, stuff keith ponders alone in his room at 2:30 in the morning

(If you want my specific headcanons about Who "people" are, it's Allura and Hunk – his hella strong but also kinda messy emotional connection with Allura, where he's just like "I know this is different from every other bond in my life but Please do not ask me to explain idk the Fuck is going on," and the fact that every time Hunk grabs him or picks him up or otherwise manhandles him his brain just shuts down like "oh this is good please continue to make hold" when it SHOULD be going into fight mode the way it would for anyone else)

Religious Background and Current Beliefs

I honestly don't know what Keith's background would be, but I think he's sort of... generally agnostic? Like, he believes in a higher power but not necessarily a sentient one or something to be worshipped. It's more like a big spiritual pulse through the multiverse that connects everything and everyone – fate, but with free will. It's what he taps into to access his nigh psychic abilities, which I've talked about before but maybe not since I made this sideblog so let me know if you want me to make a post about that.

[xanderuwu]

for whom it may concern; here’s a letter

i wrote this long fucking rant about voltron, enjoy (click here to view on google docs)

My name is Alexander, I’m 23, and here is my sob story. I’m a bisexual trans man who grew up in a tiny village where people believed that being LGBT+ was just as bad as being a child molester. I spent the first 20 years of my life hiding my truth because of the fear & shame that was ingrained in me as a child; I was disgusted by myself. I have never gone a week in my‬ ‪life without contemplating suicide - I’ve tried to kill myself 9 times, the first time was when I was 8.‬

‪One of the main things that kept me afloat during my childhood & teen years were stories in any medium; film, TV, books, I swallowed them whole & they kept me sane. But they never made me feel goof about myself or my life. I didn’t experience the impact of good representation until I saw the first season of Glee in 2009 when I was 14 (that show went downhill as it went on too, wow). One of the main characters on Glee was gay & had an arc in the first season where he came out to his father, & his father … embraced him.‬

‪… I remember crying in bed, watching the coming out scene over & over in shitty quality on the Youtube app on my old iPod. I had never seen anything like it. Sure, I’d seen LGBT+ people in media before, but they were always either stereotype-ridden jokes, or they led miserable lives & never got a happy ending. & in so so so many cases … they died. Or their partner died. Or they got AIDS. Or they were framed as disgusting degenerates.‬

‪I’d never seen a parent accept & embrace their gay child. I had never seen a gay character who “made it” with loving friends & family. It gave me courage, it made me hopeful.‬

‪Hope is the most powerful powerful tool we have when it comes to suicide prevention within the LGBT+ community. Every day, thousands of people toe the line between life & death, & THAT is why our representation is so important. Yes, it helps normalize LGBT+ people to the cisgender & heterosexual audiences, but you have no idea how much hope & joy can blossom in the hearts of vulnerable LGBT+ people from good representation that shows LGBT+ characters being embraced & loved, finding partners, falling in love, getting that happy gay ending we so rarely get to see in media. I’m certain that that gay kid from fucking Glee of all things, saved me from the brink a few times.‬

‪In December of 2014, when The Legend of Korra made Korra & Asami the romantic endgame, I cried. Cried for all the LGBT+ kids who would, perhaps for the first time, feel good about themselves. I also cried for the child in myself who still struggles with the shackles secured around his feet from a childhood of isolation & self-hatred, because he needed it too. & then we got record-breaking amounts of well-rounded LGBT+ representation on Steven Universe, a show that not only features same-gender romances, but also explores gender & challenges toxic masculinity. & last year, Disney Channel, the fucking DISNEY CHANNEL, had a character on Andi Mack come out as gay! Freakin’ DISNEY, man! & Korra was on Nickelodeon, Steven Universe is on Cartoon Network - those are all huge traditional television broadcasters where shows have to be assessed by a whole lot of boards in order to make sure they’re suitable to broadcast.‬

‪Netflix, on the other hand, has more freedom. Many of their live-action shows have had explicit LGBT+ representation. Watching as more & more mainstream TV shows & films with prominent LGBT+ characters get released makes me believe in the change, from when i was a kid in the early 00’s to now.‬

‪I first encountered Voltron: Legendary Defender in the form of gifs, fanart, & screencaps on Tumblr. The first thing that caught my attention was Allura’s design; she’s gorgeous & I’m weak. I found out that she was from the Voltron reboot which, not gonna lie, sounded kinda dumb to me at first. I watched Voltron: Defender of the Universe as a kid, not because i’m old enough to have been a child in the 80s, but because we were a family with six mouths to feed & no disposable income that could be spent on cable TV. So we got public service television, & they ran a lot of cartoons from the 80s because they were cheap to license I guess.

Anyways, I was obsessed with VDOTU (we’re using abbreviations now because this is getting stupidly long & typing is hard) as a wee lad, Allura was my favourite character because she had long hair & a pink uniform - as I said, I’m weak for pretty people. So in late June of 2016 I watched the first season of VLD & I was so pleasantly surprised. VLD is animated by Studio Mir; one of my favourite animation studios, & the show has writers & producers who have also worked on Korra, so that, in addition to the show being distributed by Netflix, made the possibility of clear-cut LGBT+ characters & storylines seem more plausible. ‬

‪I loved the first season of VLD. I very quickly latched onto Keith & Allura, but as I kept watching I found myself adoring the whole team. Having Pidge be a girl was cool, & I was so excited when I found out that she was voiced by a gay actress! & whoever came up with the idea of making Allura, Hunk, & Lance brown deserves a high-five. ‬

‪(We’re getting to the real meaty LGBT+ rep rant soon, just stick with me here because I wanna talk about some other gripes I have with this show first).‬

‪So, we had a show with a diverse main cast of characters, good writing & pacing, a good balance between character & plot, & gorgeous animation. I was excited to see the second season.‬

‪However, the second season was when some of the show’s main flaws popped up for the first time. That nice balance between character & plot from the first season seemed to have driven right off its tracks and straight into a bio-hazardous lake. In the first season, each character got a fair amount of attention, but in season two Hunk & Lance were just … barely there? Keith is my favourite character & I liked the Blade of Marmora stuff, but Keith’s amount of screentime came at the expense of other characters, especially Hunk & Lance. Having Keith’s entire arc in season two pretty much only involve himself & Shiro did every character a disservice. & the reveal that Keith was Galra was so underwhelming. We only saw two characters react to Keith’s alien heritage. The episode with Keith & Hunk in the Weblum was lovely, but we haven’t really gotten team bonding episodes like that since season three so :/ And oh God, the whole subplot of Allura, a black-coded character, being “racist” against the Galra is a WHOLE other mess that I don’t think I can adequately explain. Just, why. ‬

‪Season three was good, the balance between character & plot seemed to be getting back on track & the lion switch-up made for some good character development, especially for Lance & Allura. Episode four was a mess though like y'all could’ve been just a liiittle more sensitive with that kind of stuff. Also it is embarrassingly obvious that in the first two seasons, Allura was portrayed as being around Shiro’s age & the two of them shared moments that seemed to be hinting at a future romance - until, suddenly in season three Allura is at the same maturity level as the other paladins? What, is it because that was when you decided to have Shiro be gay because you weren’t allowed to kill him after season two, & so instead of doing Shiro/Allura you started pairing Allura with Lance? That’s just absolutely stellar mate.‬

‪Season four - character/plot balance swings off the rails once more & to this day it hasn’t been recovered. This was the season where y'all’s plot became way too fucking convoluted & too damn big! The plot takes so much room, OF COURSE character development suffers! Season five had the same problem, & whoops Allura has a new love interest! It’s Lotor, a grown-ass man! Great! Totes loved it!‬

‪Season six had some good moments but again, y'all’s plot left no fucking breathing room for the characters! Also, Lance’s crush on Allura is suddenly True Love now? At this point you need a fucking Excel sheet to keep track of the plot & subplots. Lotor was an asshole all along & betrayed Allura? BITCH WE BEEN KNEW! Lotor’s betrayal could be seen from miles away. Bad.‬

‪SEASON FUCKING SEVEN HERE WE GO.‬

‪You ruined Keith’s entire character. Plain and simple. Keith & Shiro’s backstory was the highlight of the entire season. And in those flashbacks we see Shiro’s BOYFRIEND! Shiro is GAY! Shiro being gay & having a partner was revealed at San Diego Comic Con in July, & fans were so fucking happy. Remember at the start of this monstrosity of a letter where I talked about LGBT+ representation in media igniting hope? That was what you saw from fans after SDCC; pure joy & hope. It was amazing, people cried because they were so happy! & the showrunners said we’d learn more about Adam & get to meet him, shit I was so hyped!

Was Shiro, the character who has struggled the most in the show, going to get a … happy ending? As a gay character? With his partner of the same gender?‬

‪…‬

‪Y'know,‬

‪There’s still probably hundreds of thousands of LGBT+ kids who are growing up in a similar environment to where I grew up. They feel the same way I felt. That … indescribable loneliness that pierces through your bones, the self-hatred & hopelessness that weighs too much, you are the deer and the headlights is every person whose approval & love you need most. ‬

‪& then you see someone like you in a story, & they are happy, they aren’t alone, because people like us aren’t destined to be tragedies.‬

‪It gives you hope.

‪VLD could’ve given that to people y'know? And maybe that’s the saddest part, that instead they chose to kill the man Shiro loved, & thus put their only remaining confirmed LGBT+ character through even more suffering. ‬

VLD killed 50% of their confirmed LGBT+ characters. ‬

‪Imagine if they’d killed 50% of their female characters.‬

They killed Adam to show the gravity of the situation, to show that with war comes death. But LGBT+ viewers don’t need that reminder. We die every day. We know war, we know that war walks hand in hand with death.‬

‪And we didn’t even really have any feelings about Adam aside from “Shiro’s boyfriend!!!” We only got a tiny snippet of his & Shiro’s relationship. From a basic storytelling standpoint, killing someone like Colleen or Sam Holt would have been so much more effective because we know a lot more about Pidge’s relationship with her parents than we know about Adam & Shiro.‬ Adam’s death fell flat because we never knew him or his & Shiro’s relationship.

‪So why did they decide that the gay characters had to lose? VLD could have made something beautiful, something that would help people. But you didn’t.‬

‪Why didn’t they?‬

‪And why, in the same season, did they suddenly make Allura show signs of returning Lance’s feelings, despite her having shown zero romantic interest in him for over a third of the series? Why did they push Keith & Acxa together, two characters who had never spoken before this season? ‬

‪They take away the prospect of a same-gender romance, & then shove some half-assed straight relationships in our faces? It’s as if they’re doing this to be intentionally cruel.

‪Even if Adam somehow returns, that doesn’t repair the anxiety & hurt they caused their LGBT+ fans. With this season, VLD gave us the same age-old tale we’ve been told since we could understand words.‬

‪Happy endings belong to straight people. Gay people are doomed to live through tragedy after tragedy until we die young.‬

‪I believed in this show. I honestly thought the slow-burn romance would be Keith & Lance. Already in season one they had the “bonding moment” that was a textbook example of how to convey romance through visual storytelling. In that scene, Lance said “We are a good team” to Keith, & that was supposedly just bros being bros? But in season six, Lance says the exact same phrase to Allura as a flirty line, so what’s the deal here?

Are Allura and Lance the slow burn? Allura had never shown interest in Lance before now, when she suddenly noticed that Lance is … nice? What … is this? Honest to God, what is happening? VLD really decided to do the guy-likes-girl-girl-doesn’t-reciprocate-but-if-guy-keeps-trying-she’ll-like-him-back-eventually thing? Ah yes, If you flirt with a girl & she ignores your advances, you shouldn’t stop & move on, you should keep pushing, that’s how VLD staff want people to treat women I guess.‬

‪Keith & Axca … looked at each other three times & now they’re in love. Very good slow burn, I cried, 11/10.‬

‪Had the straight romances at least been well-developed I might’ve been slightly less angry. But no, you killed the man Shiro loved & then presented us with some gourmet heterosexual nonsense - no really, where are your Michelin stars because this hetero bullshit is top notch, truly.‬

‪I’m not saying this as a bitter shipper. I’m saying this as someone who invested so much time into your show, only to be severely let down. VLD has had some incredible episodes, but season four & onward was a massive display of incompetent storytelling. It’s as if seasons one through three were created by a different team!

Not to mention the showrunners themselves, who have consistently been dismissive of valid concerns from fans, & when given chances to confirm that Keith & Lance’s relationship was strictly platonic, they instead remained vague, instilling hope in fans - giving people false hope to string them along so they’ll keep watching your show is cruel.‬

‪There are so many other things I could say here, but I’m running out of time.‬

‪Y'all could’ve done extraordinary things with this show & these characters. You could have made something amazing, your show could have been remembered as a trailblazer. But instead, it’ll only be remembered as a clusterfuck & as an example of what not to do, for future creators to learn from.‬

‪I don’t know how or why y'all ended up turning your show into a damn mess. I don’t really care. I just wish you hadn’t exploited the fragile hopes of LGBT+ people.‬

The only thing that can save y’all now is if season eight makes me physically shit hundred dollar bills so I can buy a fucking boat, sail to the middle of the ocean, and just scream for a good six years or so.

Thanks.‬

[veteran-shipper]

Voltron’s Anatomy

part 2 of ???

so i realize that doing all how-many-bajillion episodes of grey’s anatomy is an improbable task. i’ll probably be mixing and matching episodes because ain’t nobody got time for that, least of all me. plus, let’s be real. we were really only in it for Der and Mer’s Epic Love Story. 

alternatively titled: never air to breathe (never inbetweens).

Pidge slams her locker shut in frustration. “I have got to move out from my parents’ place,” she announces, yanking viciously at her shoelaces. 

“What’s up?” Hunk asks, his forehead creased with concern. 

“Nothing,” she says. “I’m just sick and tired of all the tension because my brother Matt has been MIA. It feels like I’ve been walking on eggshells ever since I moved back for residency. They’re being overprotective, and as much as I understand, I’m a god damn adult, and I can handle the shifts I signed on for. The fact that they also work here is literally my worst nightmare. I can’t believe I agreed to come back.” 

“Why don’t you move into my place, then?” Keith suggests, shrugging his white coat on. “I have the space.”

“I thought you were trying to sell it?” Hunk says, mildly surprised. “What changed?”

Keith shrugs. “I just never got around to it. Plus, I moved back here, didn’t I? Might as well keep it around and get some roommates. It’s practically a family heirloom at this point. What do you say? I’ll keep rent reasonable.”

“I’ll think about it,” Pidge says with a shrug. 

“Sure, just let me know whenever. I have two rooms up for grabs if you want in, too, Hunk,” Keith adds. 

“It would be nice to be in a full house again,” Hunk says wistfully. “I’ve basically been crashing on my uncle’s couch since moving here from Hawaii.” 

The three of them approach Altea for their assignments of the day. Altea’s eyes narrow. “Where’s Lance?” she asks. Keith shoves his hands in his coat pockets and shrugs. 

“Dr. Altea! Sorry to keep you waiting!” Lance skids to a stop, just barely keeping a tray of coffees from tipping over. “I brought you a coffee--mocha, soy, just the way you like it.” 

Altea looks slightly mollified as she plucks the coffee out of the tray. “Thank you, Lance, but next time, apologize by being on time,” she says dryly. “You’re on code team. Keith, take the trauma pager. Pidge, deliver the weekend lab results to their patients. Hunk, you’re on sutures.” She turns on her heels and starts to walk away. 

“Dr. Altea!” Lance says, stopping her in her tracks. “I was wondering if I could assist you in the OR today? I think I’m ready. You know, for a minor procedure or something like that.” 

“Hey! If he gets to cut, I want to cut, too!” Pidge says, elbowing Lance out of the way.

“Me too!” Keith interjects. 

Hunk gulps. “Yeah, I guess,” he adds lamely.

“Okay, stop.” Altea puts her hands on her hips, eyes blue steel. “Every intern wants a chance to perform their first surgery. But that’s not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make me happy. Do I look happy? No, because my interns aren’t doing the jobs I told them to do. Nobody gets to even touch a cadaver until I think you’re ready, understand?” 

“Yes ma’am,” the interns mumble collectively. 

“Now move!” Altea makes a shooing motion with her hands, and the interns scatter off to their various jobs. “Vrepit Sal’s Dead Baby Bike Race starts in six hours and I need my weekend labs run and my code team staffed!”

Shiro was idly tapping on his phone when he spots Keith pressing the button for the elevator. Pocketing his phone, he saunters as casually as he can until he’s within an arm’s length of Keith’s shoulder. “I didn’t know you rode a bike,” he says in Keith’s ear, trying for casual. 

“Doesn’t everyone?” Keith asks, not diverting his attention away from the ticker. 

“No, I mean, a motorbike--a motorcycle,” Shiro backtracks with an internal grimace. The elevator dings, signalling its arrival. Ah, saved by the bell, he thinks to himself. “I have one, too. Never expected Nevada to be such a good place to go for a late night ride.” 

Keith tries to suppress his smile as the elevator’s occupants file out. He and Shiro get on together and stand side by side as they wait for the doors to close. Shiro continues to ramble. “Now I have to like it here. I’m from Seattle. I’m not supposed to like how dry and deserted it is here. I have a thing for motorcycles,” he finishes lamely as the doors close and the serene elevator music starts up. 

“I’m not going out with you,” Keith says to break the monotony of the music.

“Did I ask you do go out with me?” Shiro mentally palms himself in the face. Yes you did, you idiot, he chastises himself. “Do you want to go out with me?”

“I’m not dating you,” Keith reiterates. “And I’m definitely not sleeping with you again. You’re my boss.” 

“I’m your boss’ boss,” Shiro corrects before he can help himself. Idiot! That makes nothing better, his inner monologue whacks him over the head. 

“Regardless, this is inappropriate,” Keith says firmly. “This is grounds for sexual harassment.”

 Shiro turns to face him. “I’m riding an elevator,” he says mildly. 

“Don’t come any closer,” Keith says, a flush riding high on his cheeks, clashing horribly with the orange scrubs. 

“Red’s a good closer on you,” Shiro says, and closes the gap between them, tangling one hand in Keith’s hair, dislodging the little pony tail, and wrapping the other around his waist. Keith flips their positions and pushes Shiro against the elevator wall, smashing his charts haphazardly between their chests as he fights to get closer to Shiro’s mouth. He reaches up to tug Shiro down by the back of his neck, biting gently on his bottom lip, gasping softly at the feel of the cool metal of the prosthetic sliding lower and playing with the waistband of his thin scrubs. 

Just as Shiro’s about to go for the full on ass grab, the elevator dings, and they hastily break apart, Keith’s files spilling onto the floor between the two of them. 

“Oh fuck,” Keith rasps, gathering up the files as quickly as he can and marching off to see his patients. Shiro’s gaze follows him, dazed and forlorn as nurses and other hospital staff file in, none the wiser.

Keith walks into a room filled with nurses and PAs rushing around, a hand absentmindedly on his bottom lip, mind a million floors away with Dr. Shirogane. 

“There you are!” A harried looking PA comes into his field of view. “We’ve got a rape victim. She came in with a GCS of six, BP eighty over sixty. Exam is significant for blunt head trauma, unequal breath sounds, right pupil is dilated. We think she ran right into the bike race,” he rattles off. “She’s ready for x-ray. You ready to roll?” 

Keith blankly surveys the room, taking in the blood on the body, the ruined shoes that haven’t yet been bagged, and--

“Hey!”

“Is that a penis?” Keith asks, peering into the kidney tray. It’s resting on ice, and definitely looking worse for wear. “Yeah/ Call ahead to CT. Let them know I’m coming. Load a portable monitor, and call Respiratory for a ventilator,” he orders, checking her eyes himself and her breathing tube. “I’ll do x-rays while I’m down there.”

The PA grunts in amusement. “Tough lady. Bit it right off. We found it in her mouth.”

“What a warrior,” Keith murmurs softly, checking her chart.

He takes responsibility over her and follows her from her scans into emergency surgery, where he and a couple of the less busy interns observe as Shirogane, Iverson, and Coran work to set her bones back in place and fix the internal bleeding. Shirogane lets out a low whistle as he works on setting her arm. “He really did a number on her. What is she? Five foot two, not even a hundred pounds?”

“Yeah, she’s going to spend a helluva time in recovery,” Coran says, jovial as always. “Really gave him a good walloping, though. Clearly a case of ‘You should see the other guy.’ I heard the rape kit came back negative.” 

“She bit his penis off,” Keith offers. “It was in a kidney dish when I went to go get her for scans.” 

The three attendings heads swivel to look at him, their hands never stopping their work. “What in tarnation?” Iverson says, incredulous. 

“Jesus,” Coran says. “Well, if she can fight off the infection, she can fight off anything.”

They start to close on the patient, and before Keith can slip out to round, he hears Iverson call his name. Or, more accurately, his “designated Intern number assigned by the one-and-only Coran.”

“Intern number 3!” Keith pauses. “I need you to stay with the penis until the police arrive. Chain of custody rules, and all,” he barks. 

Keith blanches. “Seriously?” he asks, looking at the small cooler they’d placed the severed body part in.

“That’s an order, intern!” Iverson says, pulling closed a stitch. Keith sighs and grabs the cooler before exiting. 

Over at the HUB, Pidge sorts through the labs while Lance toys with his pager and gloats about his assignment.

“Code team rocks,” he says with a smug grin. “One minute I get to shock a heart back to life, and the next minute I have my arms full of grateful daughters and sisters.”

Pidge stacks a lab report a little harder than necessary on top of her growing stack. “You know, I have an MD/PhD from Stanford, and I’m delivering patient labs. This is going to take me all day,” she says, annoyed.

Altea whisks by briskly. “Better get started then!” she says, sipping daintily at her mocha latte. “Lance, with me!” she says. “I need as many hands as I can find, and since you’re not doing anything, you’re going to help me wade through this disaster coming in.” Lance’s expression brightens and he hurries after her, pager beeping.

“Oh! Uh, I wasn’t complaining,” Pidge says weakly, grabbing her stack of labs and hurrying off. If she's fast enough, she decides, she might be able to put staples in someone’s wound.

Cooler in hand, Keith runs into the ER just in time to see multiple stretchers being brought in. “Keith!” Altea says. “Excellent timing! I need you to help Hunk with some suturing and debridement in beds four through 8! What is that?” she asks, pointing at the the cooler. 

“I’m babysitting a penis until the police get here,” Keith says, already moving towards bed four, where Hunk is dealing with a particularly rowdy bicyclist who didn’t seem particularly interested in staying for x-rays.

Along the way, he sees Shiro, sitting with his unconscious patient, flipping through her chart, though he chooses not to stop in favor of setting the cooler down and grabbing a suture kit. 

“Sir, I highly recommend that you stay for X-rays,” Hunk says, a firm hand on the bicyclist’s shoulder. 

“What? No! I need to get back to the race!”

“Sir, please,” Hunk says again. “You might have internal bleeding. I don’t feel comfortable taking those bike spokes out until you’ve had a thorough check up.”

His patient rolls his eyes. Then, he grits his teeth and, before Hunk and Keith can do any more than exclaim in alarm, grasps the bike spokes, pulling all four of them out with a grunt. “See?” he says, with a ta-dah wave of his hands. “No swooning, no fainting. I’m fine.”

Hunk shakes his head, holding a kidney tray for him to place the metal spikes. “Keith, this guy’s all yours. I’m going to move on to the next one.”

“Ah! Hunk!” Coran catches Hunk before he can check on the brain dead guy in bed 5. “Just the doctor I wanted to see! I’m going to be stuck in the OR all day today doing repairs, and I need someone I can rely on to check on my pre- and post-op patients. Can you do that for me?” 

“Uh, yes sir!” Hunk says.

“Oh, and one of them, Mr. Mackie, is a good friend of mine. Make sure you get him everything he needs.”

“Got it,” Hunk says, leaving Keith behind to deal with the victims of the race.

Keith sutures Impatient Biker Dude closed and is smoothing the bandage over the area when he opens his mouth to speak.

“Hey, you’ve got a really nice touch, and you are a rockin’ babe. Why don’t you let me take you out sometime?”

“Excuse me?” Keith raises an eyebrow but otherwise tries not to let his annoyance show and turns to grab his patient’s chart. “I don’t date my patients. If you insist on leaving, you’ll be doing so against the doctor’s orders, so you’ll have to sign this form saying that you understand the consequences.”

“Darling, I will do what ever you want,” he purrs, taking the form. “I have to get back to the race.”

“Look,” Keith tries again. “One CT scan. You’ll be in and out in thirty minutes.” 

“No can do, babe,” his patient says again, handing the form back. “I’ve got a race to finish.” He swings his legs over the side of the hospital bed and gets up. “There’s a party at the end, you know,” he says. “Maybe I’ll see you there?” 

Keith rolls his eyes and turns away, only to feel a hand grab him by the waist and spin him around. He feels his patient’s lips meet his and pull him into a deep lip lock, and he freezes, indignation bubbling up behind his rib cage. “What the fuck?” he demands once his patient lets him go. 

“One for luck,” he says with a jaunty wave and a wink. “You’ll be seeing me again soon.”

“For your sake, I hope you don’t!”

He whirls around, and accidentally makes eye contact with Shirogane, whose eyes look filled with hurt. Shiro gets up from his station near his comatose patient and intercepts Keith before he can get to Mr. Brain Dead in bed 5. With dismay, he watches as Lance and Altea start the next round of tests on him.

“What was that?” Shiro demands. “Are you kissing patients now?”

“For the record, he kissed me, and I definitely did not want to kiss that guy.” Keith tries to move onto bed 6, but Shiro blocks his way. “Oh come on! Dr. Shirogane, are you jealous? This is highly unprofessional.”

“I am not jealous!” The faint flush across the bridge of his nose bringing out his scar says otherwise. “Go out with me,” he says instead. 

“No! You’re my boss! It’s against the rules.” Keith signs off on the chart. “We had sex once and we made out in an elevator once. That’s not going to happen again.” Keith tries again to move to bed 6, wanting the conversation to end.

Lance and Altea are debating over what they should do with Brain Dead. 

“I think we should harvest his organs,” Altea says. 

“What?” Lance exclaims. “He has a family!”

“Great!” Altea says cheerily. “Find them, and get their consent.”

“What? No! Come on, he’s got six hours.”

“Okay, fine,” Altea says decisively. “We’ll let the family make the decision.”

Lance narrows his eyes. “You just want a harvest surgery.” 

“Don’t you?” Altea asks. 

“I--” Lance throws his hands up, conflicted.

“Dr. Shirogane!” Altea motions for Shiro to come take a look. 

“Just a minute!” he says normally, before lowering his voice again. “‘It’s against the rules?’ You don’t take me as a by-the-books kind of guy,” he says to Keith.

“Look, you’re an attending. I’m your intern. Unlike you, I still have something to prove. Now, I really need to get to Ms. Ho before she bleeds out.” Keith puts a hand on Shiro’s upper arm and pushes him towards Bed 5. “Go deal with Mr. Brain Dead.”

Pidge finishes with her lab deliveries just in time to watch as a car screeches into the front of the hospital, and a man stumble out of the driver’s side covered in blood from the waist down. She catches a nurse by the arm. “Get a stretcher--he’s hurt!” she orders, and motions two other nurses to come help her get him inside and onto the waiting stretcher. They get him hooked up to a heart rate monitor and a breathing tube before cutting him out of his clothes. “Oh my God!” she yelps, looking at the bloody mess of his groin. “Somebody call security!”

She ends up getting to observe the surgery that Iverson performs on the bloody John Doe. 

“Medicine’s a funny business,” he comments as he cauterizes a blood vessel. “One minute you get to save the life of someone who fought off an attack, and the next, you’re trying to save the life of the attacker. Intern, why aren’t we trying to reattached this penis?” he barks at Pidge.

“Teeth tear, but reattachments need clean cuts. If she’d taken a knife to his penis, he might still be able to save it, but since she bit it off, plus the digestive enzymes in the mouth, there’s no way he’s ever going to get to pee like a normal person again,” she says, trying to keep the smugness out of her voice.

“Hmm, a moment of silence for this poor guy,” Iverson says, rolling his eyes unsympathetically, cauterizing the final blood vessel. Pidge can’t help but agree. Good riddance. 

As Vrepit Sal’s Dead Baby Bike Race ends, so does the endless stream of injured bikers, and the interns finally get a chance to trudge wearily back to the locker rooms to freshen up and change into a fresh set of scrubs. 

“I need a bed,” Pidge moans, lying on a bench in the locker rooms wearing just her sports bra. “Or a drink and a massage. Or a drunken massage on a bed.” She sits up with groan and starts wrestling her scrub top back over her head.

“I lost five patients today on the code team,” Lance moans at his reflection. 

“Lance, ninety-five percent of code patients can’t be revived. They’re seriously dead before you even get there.” 

“What?” Lance exclaims. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Because,” Pidge says loftily. “I’m Pidge, and you’re Lance.”

Hunk trudges in, looking somewhat disgruntled. “Mr. Mackie won’t stop hitting on me, and I don’t know how to tell him I’m not interested. He’s Coran’s VIP, for crying out loud.” He sits down heavily next to Pidge. “At least we found a match for him.” 

“Oh yeah? Who?” Lance asks, splashing water onto his face.

“Oh, just some brain dead guy from earlier. When I told him, he cried and then tried to ask me out again.”

“Nice!” Lance gives Hunk a fist bump. “That was Allura and my’s first patient together!”

“Allura? Since when did she start letting you call her Allura?”

“Oh, she hasn’t. I just call her that in my head.”

“A patient kissed me today,” Keith announces, moodily playing with the handle of the cooler. “I wish I’d shown him the severed penis just to freak him out, but I didn’t think about that until it was too late. Plus, I don’t think it would have stopped him.”

Hunk makes a noise of sympathy. Lance, ever the incorrigible romantic, asks, “And what did Shiro think of that?” 

“He asked me out again.” 

Pidge groans. “Men,” she says. “They think they can just get away with anything.”

Lance, Hunk, and Keith all make indignant noises. 

“I got to watch Iverson cauterize the penis of a rapist today,” she continues as if they hadn’t said anything. “Simultaneously the best and the worst thing I’ve seen today, and I had to endure twenty-seven patients’ family members hug me with joy.” 

“Aw come on!” Lance interjects. “I should’ve gotten that job! I love hugs!”

“Does that mean I’m finally going to get to not babysit a penis anymore?” Keith asks, perking up at the thought. 

“Keith, it’s 2AM. They’re not sending someone over at 2AM.”

Keith drops his head into his hands and groans. “Fuck me,” he mutters.

“I mean, since you asked so nicely,” Lance starts. Pidge sticks her foot out and trips him.

“Thanks, Pidge.”

“Any time, bud.”

When Keith passes by the unconscious patient again in the morning, Shiro is still there and he looks like he hasn’t slept. He has, however, moved to the HUB, where he can simultaneously keep an eye on the patient and work on charting on the computer. Keith sets the penis cooler down on the counter. “Have you been here all night?”

“Yeah.” Shiro barely spares him a glance, and he rubs at the scar across the bridge of his nose. “You know, I grew in a family of all boys. All brothers. I can’t imagine what it’s like to not have anyone waiting for me when I wake up.”

“I can,” Keith says. Shiro looks up at him then, and stands to go make himself a cup of coffee, eyes soft.

“So,” he says, coming back with two paper cups of the hospital’s cheap free brew. “We’re kissing, but we’re not dating?”

Keith made a sound of annoyance. “I knew this would come up,” he says, accepting one of the cups.

“Don’t get me wrong, I like the kissing. More kissing, any day, I say,” Shiro says. 

Keith rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his coffee. “You sound like Coran,” he teases.

“I just want to know if this is going to happen again in the future. If it is, I’m gonna need to carry around breath mints. Maybe a,” Shiro lowers his voice, “condom in my wallet?”

“Shut up,” Keith whispers back, finishing off his coffee. Together, they stare at the patient in silence. All the monitors start beeping at once, and Keith and Shiro immediately move into action, calling for nurses and equipment.

“Prepare for an emergency craniotomy!” Shiro yells at a nearby nurse, who nods. Together, they mobilize the hospital bed into the OR, and Keith waits anxiously outside until Shiro’s done, looking more worn than ever. 

“We had to leave the top of her skull flap off,” he tells Keith. “Until the swelling in her brain goes down.”

Keith sighs. “She’s not going to make it is she?” he asks. 

“She’ll be fine,” Shiro replies, with a soft smile. “Come on. You have rounds. Don’t forget your penis.”

Keith sighs, shooting the cooler a look of distaste. “I just want the damn police to show up already,” he says in annoyance, heading back toward the HUB to catch up on some charting.

As soon as he reaches the HUB, however, a nurse motions him over. “The police have arrived to take custody of the evidence,” she tells him pointing over to where two uniformed men stand.

“Oh sweet! Thanks, Nyma,” he says, making his way over to the cops standing near the water cooler. “Hello sirs, I’m Dr. Kogane. I hear you’re here to collect my penis?”

The two cops look distinctly uncomfortable for a split second, before one of them notices the cooler in Keith’s hand. “Oh! Yeah, you just need to sign a couple of forms, and we’ll be out of your hair,” he says.

Keith gladly takes the paperwork and fills it out, handing both the forms and the cooler over to the cops. He runs into Pidge and Hunk halfway through rounds and they both give him high fives when they realize he’s no longer holding onto the penis cooler any more.

“Hey, so about those rooms,” Pidge says. “I’m in.”

“Yeah, me too,” Hunk adds. “I think I’m ready to give up my uncle’s couch.”

“Oh okay, cool,” Keith says. “I just need to get a few copies of my key made for you guys, and then you can move in whenever.” 

Pidge and Hunk cheer loudly and get shushed by Mrs. Cobb in bed 9.

[oneofthosecrazycatladies]

Arrowverse Re-Watch: Arrow season 1, episode 1 “Pilot”

***Disclaimer: I recommend you read the tags before digging in to this review.

So I’m doing my annual Arrowverse re-watch (where I go back and watch all the Arrowverse shows in chronological order) and this year, I decided I would make these reviews/commentaries about each episode as I re-watch them.

So here goes... WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Oliver: The name of the island they found me on is Lian Yu. It’s Mandarin for Purgatory. I’ve been stranded here for 5 years.

Okay, don’t get me wrong, the main reason I love Arrow is because the characters are great and real and the stories are so interesting. And Stephen Amell is a fantastic actor, definitely one of the best in the Arrowverse...but hot damn just look at that body

I really don’t like objectifying anyone (of any gender), but art deserves to be appreciated and this body right here is art.

Okay I literally couldn’t find a gif of it anywhere, but that shot of Oliver looking into the mirror and the lightning flashes and you see him in the hood for like a split second...that shot...yeah I love that shot. Ugh it’s so amazing and just chilling.

Okay so apparently a lot of people hated the flashbacks...which I don’t understand??? But I loved the flashbacks. Mostly because I just love flashbacks in general. I mean, they weren’t always super interesting and a lot of the time the flashback storyline wasn’t really as interesting as the main storyline, but I still really liked the flashbacks. I actually kinda miss them sometimes.

TOMMY!

Like basically everyone else in the Arrow fandom, I miss Tommy sooo much. And I know, I know Colin has Chicago Med now, but I gotta be honest...I still haven’t quite gotten over that Tommy (any Earth version) wasn’t Vigilante. Like honestly, what was even the point of making him Vince (or Vinny they literally changed his nickname). God season 6 was such a fucking mess...but more of that later.

Okay so I have a bone to pick with this little moment where Oliver speaks Russian to Raisa. So like I guess it was supposed to demonstrate how Oliver has changed and all that...but like, Oliver’s not stupid. He wouldn’t be so careless as to speak Russian in front of his family and friends when he knows that they know he didn’t speak Russian before the island (thus revealing something about his time away when he’s usually so careful not to let things about that time slip).

I just don’t really like that moment because it seems a bit out of character for him.

Oliver: I didn’t realize you wanted to sleep with my mother, Walter.

Tommy: Have you noticed how hot your sister’s gotten?

It does kinda make me cringe a little though tbh. Although, full disclosure, the first time I ever watched this show, I did kinda ship them. I thought they had great chemistry. Better chemistry than Tommy and L*urel (but we’ll get to that later).

Tommy: So what’d you miss the most; steaks at the Palm, drinks at the station, meaningless sex?

Oliver: L*urel

Oh god here we go with this bullshit...can we just skip to the part where the writers realized that L*uriver was awful and they all jumped on the Olicity train?

Oh look it’s L*urel L*nce, the Queen Bitch of Starling City.

Okay that was an exaggeration...and I don’t actually hate LL, well at least, I don’t hate the idea of her. (Alright, strap yourselves in.)

I feel like LL was only the “real” LL in the first like 3 episodes of season 1 and then like the last 2 episodes before she dies. Every episode in between those she was like the off-brand version of LL. In the first couple episodes, she’s a pretty great character. She genuinely wants to help innocent people, she’s independent, she fights for what she believes in. Other than her being a totally soulless, cold-hearted bitch to Oliver, I actually liked her. But the whole Oliver drama really ruined her. And I blame the writers for that (namely the notorious misogynists Kreisberg and Guggenheim).

So first, they thought that “you cheated on me with my sister” was a great beginning to an epic love story. And then they made her totally cold to Oliver. Like look, as much as I dislike LL, I will always take her side on this issue. Playboy Ollie was a grade A fuckboy jackass and LL has every right to be pissed at him. But...then he spent five years in literal hell. Whatever mistakes he made before the island, he paid for them and then some. Now I know LL doesn’t know all the particulars of what went on in those 5 years, but she must’ve at least seen the movie Cast Away, right? I mean, from her perspective, Oliver spent 5 years completely alone on a deserted island. In that situation he would’ve had to teach himself to hunt and kill animals for food, he would’ve had to learn how to build shelters, he would’ve had literally no one to talk to or interact with for five years. She would’ve had to know that he probably has PTSD...and he comes back and she says “I’d hoped you’d rot in hell a whole lot longer than five years.” Like, are you fucking kidding me?! Why in the fuck would the writers think anyone would ship them with this kind of beginning? How are we supposed to have any sympathy for LL when she won’t even let Oliver try to apologize? And saying that he deserved what happened to him on the island? Jesus fucking Christ. God I couldn’t be more anti-L*uriver if I tried.

I get what (I think) they were trying to go for with LL, but they completely fucked up the execution.

LL: ‘Cause her body was at the bottom of the ocean where you left her. It should’ve been you.

“It should’ve been you.”

Okay bitch let’s go. No one talks to post-island Oliver that way. Ever. Oliver Jonas Queen is a gift to the world and I don’t care what dumbass Ollie Queen did you do not get to say that to Oliver. He has lost and suffered so much, too much. JFC where the fuck is Oliver’s unconditionally loving and supportive wifey when he needs her? Don’t worry bb, only two more episodes and you’re home free.

Mercenary Dude: What did he tell you, Mr. Queen?

Oliver: He told me I’m gonna kill you.

God yes where has this Oliver been the past couple years? Not the kill-happy Oliver, just the intimidating hardcore Oliver that can take down half a dozen guys single-handedly. That’s one of the things I hated about season 6 was how they wrote him so out of character just for plot. Ever since they introduced the newbies in season 5 they’ve written Oliver like he literally can’t even function without having like 5 other people out in the field with him. I don’t mind having a team (I love Roy and Dinah for example) but the team is just too big. (I’ll talk about that in much more detail when we get to seasons 5 and 6 [and that bullshit “civil war”])

Mercenary Dude: You’re delusional. You’re zip-cuffed to that chair.

Oliver: Not anymore.

*shivers*

God the MUSIC! Ugh I love the music in this scene when he’s taking down the kidnappers.

Oh yeah...and this incredible stunt...

And I love that you can tell that Stephen did all these stunts himself. But I especially love the above stunt because it’s so incredible, but like he just does it and it’s as if it’s no big deal because he’s just that physically fit.

QUENTIN!!!

With hair!!!

Oh Quentin deserved so much better than all that nonsense the writers put him through in season 6. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

I’m just so happy to see him! And to see the journey that he took in the first 4 seasons. (Seasons 5 and 6 [especially 6] weren’t the real Quentin. It had to’ve been one of his doppelgängers because the real Quentin is smarter than to be fooled by BS’ bs).

Ahh did you see what I did there?!

I love Raisa and I’m so happy they brought her back for season 6! I hope she returns again in season 7! I love the way she takes care of the Queen boys!

John Thomas Diggle is in the building ladies and gentlemen! This man is a gift and honestly I sometimes think we don’t deserve him.

Okay I kinda miss seeing Oliver in regular clothes. It seems like, ever since he became mayor, the only civilian clothes we ever see him in are suits. Don’t get me wrong, that man can fill out a suit, he looks delectable...especially when he’s just wearing a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up (those arms!)

But I also kinda miss just seeing him in like jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe once he gets out of prison we’ll see more of that (since he won’t be mayor).

The whole workout/training sequence is just...

We were completely deprived of shirtless Oliver in season 6 and I just cannot stand for that. We better get like double the amount of shirtless Oliver in season 7 to make up for it.

Tommy: Now, by my rough estimate, you have not had sex in 1,839 days.

Yeah except for Shado and who knows? maybe Sara or even some random girl in Russia.

LL: I’m sorry about saying that you should’ve been the one who died. That was wrong.

Nice apology, LL (this is the real LL I was talking about earlier), but you’re gonna change your mind in like 2 episodes. @jbuffyangel calls this phenomenon “as the Lances turn” (referring to the crazy inconsistencies in how the Lances [especially LL] are written). And I love that phrase I’m totally gonna steal it because it’s so true, but I’ll discuss that more when it flares up in later episodes.

John: I would believe you, Mr. Queen, if you weren’t so full of crap.

John Diggle, ladies and gentlemen, taking none of Oliver’s shit since 2012.

Please, someone, give this man a medal.

Okay but did John and Oliver ever talk about Oliver putting John in that hold and knocking him unconscious? I don’t know why, but I kinda have this headcanon that they never actually did talk about it until like years later (probably after Oliver and Felicity returned from Ivy Town and Oliver and John made up) that John was just like “remember when you knocked me unconscious at your welcome home party”.

Okay I know that it’s Yao Fei’s hood, but I kinda wonder why Oliver didn’t get it lined with Kevlar from the get-go. I mean it’s not like he trained in medieval times and then time-traveled to the 21st century to start his crusade, like he’s aware that guns exist and that a lot of the people he planned to take down would use guns. I mean, he could’ve just gotten Anatoly or someone else in the Bratva, I’m sure they know people who know how to do that.

But at the same time, I guess it kinda fits with his whole persona and his plan. When he first starts out he’s not really waging a full-on war against all crime in the city, he’s just trying to take down the corrupt one-percenters and once he does that he hangs up the hood and moves on with his life. So it makes more sense that his suit is more “raw” because he’s more raw. He doesn’t have a team, doesn’t consider himself a hero. It’s just him and his bow and his list.

So I’m watching the scene where Robert kills himself and it makes me think of the scene in season 5 when Oliver is watching the video that Robert left him and Felicity comes along and is like “wow no prssure” and I’m like yeah! I mean, what a crazy and horrible burden to put on your child. I mean, there they are, Robert’s made all these mistakes, but instead of trying to fix these mistakes himself he’s like “nah I think I’m just gonna tell my son to right my wrongs and then blow my brains out right in front of him leaving him traumatized and completely alone”.

This is Robert:

Like jfc, no wonder Oliver’s so screwed up.

I just don’t get what Tommy sees in LL. I mean, throughout the season they just go on and on about how much Tommy and LL love each other, but I just don’t see anything between them. I mean what did they even have in common besides losing Oliver? I mean the only thing I kind of get about their relationship is LL encouraging Tommy to be a better person. Once again, it’s the idea of LL, but it didn’t really work out that way in execution.

And honestly, you know what the worst part about M*rlance was? Knowing that they only did it to create even more drama between Oliver and LL, but then the fact that the writers ended up dropping L*uriver in favor of Olicity made all that drama pointless. Now obviously I know that the writers didn’t know that L*uriver would be a total bust (though they should’ve) or what Felicity and Olicity would become at the time, but still...hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

Ah Moira, being shady af.

I miss her. I always loved her character and Susanna Thompson is such an amazing actress.

I miss her pretty much for the same reason I miss Tommy: the potential. Both Tommy and Moira never really got to see Oliver become the true hero that he is today. They never got to see Oliver fall in love and have his own family. I feel the same way about Quentin. They could’ve done some great things with him. I always wanted the writers to explore his relationship with Felicity more. They had a great father-daughter kind of relationship in season 2. And especially knowing that Felicity’s father abandoned her and Quentin had lost his daughter, I thought it made so much sense that they sorta would’ve adopted each other as a surrogate family. But no. Instead, the writers went with that BS bs (hehe I did it again). And now Quentin is dead; another great character wasted.

Anyway, that’s all for me about this episode. I hope you enjoyed my ranting and I’ll see you later for episode 2.

[kousanoo]

What the living fuck was season 7? I haven’t watched the last few episodes since I got too disgusted by it and I felt sick to my bones. Here’s a rant about everything:

Literally you hyped up this season so, so much for this crap. You told us countless times again and again that we would be happy with LGBT rep. Guess what? We aren’t. We are angry, upset, and outraged by this. I was lucky enough not to be one of those people who’s been hoping for good LGBT rep since two years ago. To those souls, I hope you rest in piece. Back on topic, you killed the gay guy. You tricked us into believing that they would have a heart full reunion and get married finally. But NOPE, let’s kill him and make sure Shiro can never be happy. As a writer, you couldn’t have picked a more horrible plot. I would have preferred if Shiro was straight and Adam never existed because we wouldn’t feel this. Actually, do the kids watching even know Adam and Shiro are exes? Majority of kids don’t look at shows they watch outside the television so they might just think they’re friends. The only reason we know he’s gay is because of Lauren telling us. If she hadn’t then we probably would have never known for sure if they are gay. If your audience can’t figure out something without you telling them then obviously something is wrong.

Another thing is allurance and Kacxa(?). That was literally the most forced heterosexual relationships I ever seen in history. First allurance: Allura didnt reciprocite Lance’s feelings for 6 seasons and suddenly she’s in love with him. She just went through heartbreak and you don’t even acknowledge it whatsoever. A character doesn’t just get over someone that quick especially for what happened. Lotor used and betrayed Allura and she’s immediately over it. They won’t even get a proper confession scene if they become canon since the mice already told Allura his feelings. Which let me remind you that she kissed Lotor knowing that he felt that way. It’s cliche now that Lotor is gone and Lance is there. She’s finally seeing the light in him and that she feels the same way. That is the most cliche thing in the universe. Also, if they do become canon, what the hell will they do with their new love? Allura is gonna go help the colony and rule for her people. Lance is gonna want to stay with his family on Earth. Ya know, the two most opposite endings.

Next is Kacxa, the most random and stupidest couple in this whole damn show. They haven’t interacted directly this whole series and suddenly they are in love. Actually it’s more of Acxa is head over heels for Keith and Keith is still trying to work out his feelings. It’s so obvious that Acxa likes him that makes me gag. Their whole interaction made want to throw up. Like when Ezor and Zethrid teased Acxa about her crush on Keith. Also calling it true love, like bitch. Though I must admit that Keith’s feelings are unclear since he was annoyed and didn’t really smile at her fondly like she did at him. Knowing this show’s homophobia and love for heterosexuals, they will make it canon. But I’m gonna hope a bit since I’m hopeless.

Last but not least: Klance. I heard some people (my friend group) saying that they will pull korrasami on us with Klance. Which I wouldn’t be surprised, but I think only because of how much discourse happened after season 7 with about LGBT they might try to win us back with Klance, but it would also be rushed as well since it’s the last season and now big of a dick Keith was to Lance. In my opinion, I think no couples becoming canon is best, but we all know Lance has an endgame with someone so. We all know it’s Allura and we are all disappointed in this show either way they take at this point. I’m still gonna watch it because there’s that tiny bit of hope that they somehow fix it even though I know they fucked up too badly for it to be fixed.

In conclusion: Voltron sucks and they kiss my ass.

[illusmeta]

s7 thoughts, in no particular order (spoilers yes)

1. Bex was right. This season hurt more than s6, if that’s even fucking possible...the last five episodes were just the most painful ride i have ever been on

2. HUNK DEVELOPMENT! IT’S A B O U T FUCKING TIME. I’m just. gaAAAAAAAH. 

2a. ok but WHY MUST HIS FAMILY BE THE ONLY ONE THAT ISN’T SAFE. the scene where keith talked to him was really fuckin sweet but also....just...give hunk his family??? 

2b. that being said we now know hunk’s connection to yellow is comparable to keith’s with black. yup. s3′s hunk not wanting black paladin was foreSHADOWING BICTH and it makes sense bc hunk is literally the team’s stability now soooooo <3 he honestly is the biggest hero of the team, fucking carried the team, deserves the world

2c. and HUNK HOLDING THE TEAM TOGETHER IN EPISODE 6??? i fuckin SCREAMED he deSERVES THE WORLD and i would die for him he’s my fuckin role model 

2d. self-care is making my inner voice HUNK and having him tell me to take care of myself...my crops are FUCKING WATERED

2e. and hunk care...is seeing shay again <3 my loves!!!

3. james griffin turned out to be less of an asshole than he could have been, give him a fucking medal lol but the subtlety of his learning to accept Voltron and specifically keith was pretty sick actually. apart from the heart-wrenching, this season had a great deal of subtlety in character development like that (before s8 or 9 when the stakes go way up of course) and i for one appreciated it 

3a. his team...also awesome. especially the girls, i love them 

4. ok but after that last episode when the whole thing just went silent...I legit thought the showrunners did it. fucking murdered everyone. keith said “it’s been an honor” and my tiny heart just broke. i keep telling myself that the showrunners can’t keep loading on impossible situations with everyone with their backs to the wall and still have it be believable but in that last scene...I believed it. I thought their luck had run out. and these guys...in a lot of ways, it feels like i’ve grown up with this show, from the end of freshman year to now. it felt like i was losing my real friends. and i thought that james’s crew had been brought on to replace them. kudos to the show for making something so incredible, but also...fuck. the adrenaline and tension has literally given me a massive headache and after i write all this down i’m gonna take a realllly long nap

5. I could write an essay on why Admiral Sanda was valid and then write another essay on why she wasn’t, but i could write a fucking thesis on why the showrunners got her arc just right

6. episode six...ohhhh my god. you know how s6 stuck a knife in my heart? well, that episode twisted it, pulled it out, and dragged my innards out with it. 

6a. seriously, think of the psychological horror of that episode. it’s one thing to die in battle, feeling you have a clear purpose and strategy and knowing you died for something. it’s another to die slowly, and painfully, without any sign that your actions ever mattered or that they can ever matter again, without any sign of hope. it’s another to die uncertain and afraid, unsure of what world you’ll leave behind, unsure of the people you’ll leave behind. small wonder everyone wanted to believe they were home. it was the first thing that kept them from going completely insane. they had to believe in it. 

6b. consider: the sheer mental force of will Hunk had to force the team forward and away. Think of just how in-tune with himself he has to be, how brave he has to be, to go against his own heart and his own team and push back and believe in himself. Honestly, Hunk is a miracle. he uses his caution to make him stronger. keith was right to admire him. he really was. 

6c. small bone to pick: i guess keith’s leaving the team has finally been...dealt with? i don’t think it’s finished but i generally think emotional development needs more focus in voltron. That’s what headcanons and fics are for, i guess? after all, it is still a kids show, and i guess the showrunners want to make sure the pacing matches that... 

7. sooooo. ships. we gotta talk about that. Wasn’t super happy with how axca was coded to be a love interest for keith. personally i’m still holding out for them finding out they’re related bc axca just seems like she’s coded to be waaaay older than keith but then again that might just be me. also: allurance maybe confirmed? I do hope that if the showrunners really want this to be endgame, they take some time next season to fully flesh out why allura’s not using lance as a rebound. like...come on. everyone knows he deserves better. 

7a. on the bright side: zethrid and ezor. nice. 

7b. double bright side: hunk and shay. NICe

7c. klance is gonna get all its mileage from episode 4 and the fact that red and black make cool wing boosters, calling it right now, the ship will never fucking sink lol tbh i don’t care that much anymore??? like, the whole show is just coming together so well and i’m happy with whatever??? as long as there’s no toxicity and everyone loves each other i’d be perfectly happy if keith and hunk became a thing 

8. the paladins with their families is just. Nice. 

8a. KEEF GOT A HUG MY BABY IS LOVED 

8b. Hunk’s flashbacks...honestly, he’s even more of a mama’s boy than lance is and he’s just. perfect. 

8c. lance and his sister lmao. veronica knows what’s up 

8d. pidge <3 again with the subtlety of the emotion the showrunners pulled off this season...10/10. everything shows on her face and it’s wonderfully done and alSO COLLEEN HOLT IS SUCH A BADASS. just fucking SNAPPED and gave Sanda the what-for. she’s valid 

8e. but question: where the FUCK IS SHIRO’S FAM I am INSULTED are you just gonna be like, “hey shiro can put his life on hold and pretend like he’s not hurting too? he came back and adam was dead. after all this time, thinking adam would outlive him. that’s harsh and i’m feeling it 

9. can we go back to the atlas? ok. that shit was fuckin relentless 

9a. so much screaming and sciency-mumbo-jumbo i feel like the showrunners were just throwing in random words with ‘o’s and hoping it worked 

9b. and shiro, powering up an entire voltron XL through his arm and his connection to altean magic?? completely implausible. honestly tho? i don’t fucking care. Shiro is magic, friendship and resilience are magic, the paladins’ resolve is basically the only thing holding voltron together at this point, and I DON’T CARE. they’re fucking badasses and they can do what they want. at least the showrunners used the small details, like sendak’s memories and the castle crystal thing. there’s my bar -- using past story details. everything else? whatever, i’m using this fiction to escape reality, not constantly poke holes in it 

10. if i had to pick favorite episodes: 6, 9, 10. maybe 12 and 13 for sheer emotional trauma. 

10a. this might be my favorite season, tbh. i honestly don’t know yet bc i’m still really Shook(TM) but while i can’t say the season made me happy (it actually fucking ripped up my heart and stomped on it), i can say it left a mark. and I think voltron has a future in saving the universe with the earth as its home base. 

10b. ok but allura needs to pull out that quintessence mumbo jumbo and give the lions a fucking UPGRADE WE ALL KNOW THAT’S WHAT HAGGAR’S DOING WITH THE COLONY AND HER WEIRD ROBEAST THINGS and ALLURA HAD THE SAME CRASHCOURSE IN ALCHEMY FROM ORIANDE SO GET ON IT PLS 

11. ngl, the characters in this season? fine. 

and now: a list of girls i thought were cute: 

- Allura (as always)

- Veronica (called it) 

- the girls on the MFE team (Leifsdottir and I forgot the other girl’s name, started with an R i think, either way she’s cute) 

- Ezor (i’m a simple fool)

- Romelle with her hair up is such a Look and I love it 

a list of guys: 

- Keith (as usual) -- seriously, why is his animation always 100000X more expressive and beautiful than everyone else’s?? someone up there loves anime pretty boys and I am NOT COMPLAINING like in episode 5 his faces of fear were just so beautifully and expressively drawn 

- HUNK. 

- james & kinkade (is that how his name is even spelled lmao) 

ANYWAY. i had feelings, thought I’d share

[zoedozy]

Thoughts and analysis about S4

This is going to be episode by episode and very long so here we go.

Episode 1: Code of Honor The Blade of Marmora is affecting Keith obviously in more ways than one, we know that Keith felt he was not meant to be the leader of Voltron and the BoM helps him ghost away from his responsibility. This causes something he feels is right, no longer being the Black Paladin, and something he fears, being pushed away by his team. From his vlog, we know he isolates himself on purpose so he won’t get hurt, instead it has the least desired effect this time. Yes, the team supports eventually his decision on going with the BoM, however, they were harsh on him in the beginning and this isn’t what Keith needs.

Despite all the things with Keith, Shiro (Kuron) gaining his trust back with the Black Lion says something, they still have their bond and the lion knew how much he needed to help the team. If we’re still on the clone theories, it’s really interesting Kuron was able to bond with the lion. But, this still throws away all the work in S3, even if Keith didn’t want it. 

Episode 2: Reunion (AKA MY FAV EPISODE) Oooohh boy!!! I’ve been waiting so long for this!! Prepare for super analysis and detail because the Holts are my life. 

So, the episode starts Katie staring out the classroom window, until something in the school lesson catches her interest. She gets excited and shares her own knowledge on it, it shows how much passion she has for science. Only for her to be shot down by pre-teen assholes. This affects her to the point of tears, showing she wasn’t confident about her brains, even giving up studying for a brief period. 

Let’s take a break to say, because of this, I suspect Katie didn’t have many friends. It’s middle school, a really tough time for any teen and she’s struggling. The only thing that keeps her sane is her older brother, he shares his wisdom and supports his little sister. At a point later in the episode she even says something along the lines of: “I can’t believe I have to go through middle school without you.” She’s later praised and known for her brains. Nerd power!!

Also, it turns out Matt gave Katie the nickname Pidge and used it as her alias. I have my own headcanon on how she got it but that’s a post for another time.

Okay, back to the present and Pidge is out searching for him. That Pidge Jedi aesthetic? My aesthetic. Bargaining Pidge? My fav. Now, she’s got a lead and helps freedom fighters she encounters. Okay, here comes the part where I super analyze Pidge. 

Pidge witnessing someone die right before her eyes, when she knew she had the chance to save them. She’s crying, frustrated and feels helpless. We know how much Pidge thinks and rambles when she’s nervous. Imagine her now. “I could have done more.” “I should have been faster.” and etc. She knows the casualties the Galra cause, but seeing it up close and alone is different. 

Back to the past! Honestly, this small moment of the siblings sitting on the roof, Matt teaching her codes and frequencies, and them going past their curfew is adorable.

Now here’s where I get emotional. With Matt’s code, Pidge arrives on a destroyed planet, there resides a massive burial and cemetery honored rebels who fought in the cause. Everything about this scene screams heartbreaking: the music, scenery of the 120,000+ graves, the flashbacks, everything. I knew from the spoilers that Matt was alive and well, but the feeling of over a year’s work of finding your family, only to reach their grave, is devastating. This hit me hard and it’s the only episode I recall crying at.

Thankfully, encrypted in his grave, there are hidden coordinates. (HUGE FUCKING SIGH OF RELIEF AFTER THAT HEARTBREAK)

after small scuffle, her bayard knocks off his mask and cue a very happy and sweet reunion. Matt loves his sister and thinks she’s amazing, literally all that matters. Also a bounty hunter was looking for them since the Unilu meeting. 

“Stand back, Matt.” “Stand back, Pidge.” SHOW THAT GUY WHAT THE HOLTS ARE MADE OF!!! The animation in this fight scene is awesome like I’m in awe. The siblings using their brains to weaken their opponent and BOTH KNOCK HIM OUT!!! LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR!! Matt is a tall bamf and I love him.

Some pictures of the Holt family in front of the Garrison is shown (also pre-Kerberos Shiro and Keith in the background, I’m assuming he knew Keith at some point). Matt no longer needs his glasses and passes them on to Pidge, I’m sure they’re mostly for sentimental purposes and she wears them for that. Pidge can knock down Matt like omg. And it ends with a shot of her putting on the glasses and looking up to the sky. 

Okay, honestly. This is one of my favorite episodes, it’s just great. I have no words for it. I love Pidge, I love Matt. I LOVE THEM

Episode 3: Black Site Haggar/Honerva looking at her true self, using magic to hide her her true appearance because she can’t bear to look at herself. 

We get to see how Matt really is and I love this memelord. Fanon Matt is Canon Matt and it’s amazing. Honestly, he’s relatable when first seeing Allura. Like that Ouran vision is amazing AND THEN THAT SHOUNEN SHOT I’M DYING. JEALOUS LANCE!!! 

Okay, here’s where I’m a little disappointed. The reunion with Shiro is a little stale and stiff, yes there’s a hug but there’s nothing about Shiro saving Matt when they were prisoners. Him calling him ‘Sir’ is a little strange, I’m sure he was higher up than him, and him being a Paladin is intimidating, but in a reunion none of that really matters. 

zarkon’s going like darth vader with the suit to keep him alive. also CARRY ON MY WAYWORD SON

CUE MONTAGE OF PIDGE BEING ADORABLE AND SHOWING HER BROTHER THE CASTLE

Matt: “Hey, this is pretty goo- d.” HE MAKES FUCKING PUNS I LOVE HIM

I love Pidge’s messy little room, she kept her trash versions of the paladins and even some of the trash bugs. AND MATT JUST LOVES HIS SISTER SO MUCH AND IS VERY PROUD AND I’M SURE THEIR DAD IS TOO

Color coded or you’re an animal is the holts’ mindset. Matt calling Hunk and genius and HE’S SO SMUG ABOUT IT!! HE KNOWS HOW SMART HE IS!! 

Hunk: “This one time, we went to another reality. It was pretty lame.” Matt: “Wait, you what? You were in another reality?” Pidge: “No big deal.” hovers away Matt: “My little sister.”

HE!! LOVES!! HER!!!

i’ll never get over how coran and allura talk to animals and like milkshakes. adorable!! Lance playing video games to blow off steam and jealousy. Honestly.. same. I’m so happy they got their video game set up. Lance knowing how to milk a cow. Iconic. HE CHUGS MILK LIKE DAMN SON AND DRINKS MILK BY ITSELF??

TECH TRIO!! I LOVE THEM!! THEY ARE ALL SO SMART AND I’M VERY PROUD!!

CO PILOT MATT!! CO PILOT MATT!!! I LOVE HIM!!

I’m still trying to figure out why Narti was a spy and was given Kova to begin with? What where her intentions? Haggar just wanted to keep an eye on Lotor, she knew something was up with him, and Narti was the only option. Like the death seemed to be for shock value, they could have gotten rid of the cat. Idk at this point. Ezor and Zethrid obviously begin doubting him at this point, wanting to save their own skins, while Axca is trying her best to say by his side. But we see how that plays out later. 

Episode 4: The Voltron Show! Now, I’m a fan of this episode because: Coran focus and it gives us a moment to breathe. But, it has it’s iffy moments, AKA the ‘Humorous Hunk’ joke. I hated it so much, like poor Hunk I felt so bad for him. Of course, we know something was manipulating Coran but that’s just mean and humiliating. The Yuri on Ice, Jurassic Park and Star Wars references are great, plus aerial dancer Lance. 

And the iconic: Coran: “Allura, you’ll be playing Keith.” Allura: “HEAAHGHG”

Shiro: “I will save the princess, even if it means taking on the Galra Empire with my bare.. hand.” i’m dyingg 

literally everyone else is reading the script deadpan as possible and LANCE IS THE OVERLY EXCITED THEATER KID I LOVE IT.

“holds bayard dashingly- oH.”

hip talking coran is so bad i love it.

brief cameos of the mermaids and varkon.

i don’t have much to say on this episode.

Episode 5: Begin the Blitz Wow, we get to see Keith again! 

Axca is still trying so hard not to doubt Lotor by telling herself he’ll protect them. 

Hunk is accepting of Nyma and Rolo while Pidge is still unsure, that’s unexpected, but she can’t stay mad at a cute robot. I love how she loves robots it’s adorable.

ALLURA SPEECH!! I LOVE HER!! 

PIDGE AND HUNK FIGHTING TOGETHER!! HUNK BEING A BAMF AND KILLING A MAN BY ELBOWING HIM IN THE FACE AFTER HE HURTS PIDGE!!

that really hot galra commander like mmm

I love the rebels so much. But like a third of them gets fucking wiped out... jfc

FInALLY MORE KEITH!! 

God Lotor looks so defeated when visiting Daibazaal. I feel bad after his plan fails and his generals turn on him. They suspect after his failure he’ll just turn on them suddenly, but they don’t know about Narti being a spying and it’s frustrating. He didn’t even explain it to them, so both sides are at fault here. He wasn’t even expecting their betrayal. Like yikes.

THE WHOLE COALITION FIGHTING!! REBEL FIGHTER SHAY!!

god this scene with lotor’s bONES LIKE OMG I’M DYING LIKE  DAMN SON I LOVE IT

Episode 6: A New Defender This episode is wild.. like wow

Lotor flies barely above the surface of a star and lives?? He’s desperate to complete his plans, whatever they are. 

Haggar is awesome this episode like she’s crazy and i love it 

This episode was tense and had my heart racing, I knew they would be okay but this situation was insane. The fact that the camera is on Lance and goes for Allura first when she’s being electrocuted, then asks if she’s okay. 

ANOTHER ALLURANCE MOMENT AND I’M LIVING!! Lance cares so much for Allura and supports her in every way he can. Allura’s magic is back and it’s beautiful!! I love Princess Allura!!

Allura: “Thank you, Lance.” Lance: “That was all you.”

MY HEART

GOD KEITH’S ALMOST SACRIFICE FUCKED ME UP SO BAD

ONLY MATT AND THE REBELS WOULD HAVE SEEN HIS DEATH

FUCKING CHRIST HE DIDN’T EVEN TELL TEAM VOLTRON

AFTER LEAVING TO GO WITH THE B:ADES THERE’S THIS SAD FACE HE MAKES AND THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR HIM OK

HE ALREADY HAS ABANDONMENT ISSUES AND NOW HE’S PUSHING THEM AWAY EVEN MORE, TO THE POINT WHERE HE’S FULLY WILLING TO SACRIFICE HIMSELF. HE’S NOT SUICIDAL BUT BELIEVES THEY’D BE FINE WITHOUT HIM LIKE 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE THANKFUL FOR LOTOR

After rewatching it, I like this season a lot more. It’s pretty good! Now I’m off to read meta posts about Keith.

[anythingstephenking]

We’re All Just Bags of Bones (& More Uplifting Realizations)

GHOSTS! FUCK YEAH! We got ourselves a ghost story, y’all and even tho I’m not a relligo and don’t really believe in “spirits” (other than good tequila), I friggin’ love ghost stories. I blame my early childhood obsession with Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark and Saturday nights staying up late to watch Are You Afraid Of The Dark. Is someone still making scary content for kids? I mean, not Creepypasta, I saw that Slenderman doc on HBO, please don’t make that content. I feel like I read that RL Stine is still publishing books? You go, RL Stine.

Before we get started on vengeful ghosts, I’m gunna talk about myself for a bit. Since I’m the only one who ever looks at this blog, whatever, I do what I want.

I’ve been a little down on my King-Marathon lately, mostly because I started in 2016 with grand plans and 3 years later I’m only just past the halfway point. Even if I manage a book a month, it’ll be another 3+ years before I finish (nevermind that King keeps publishing 2 books a year. Slow your role bro!) I’m also headed into King’s not-so-great years (I hate saying that, but I think it’s true. Sorry Steve, I still love you). It’s really not even the quality but the quantity - have you seen how long Dreamcatcher and Duma Key and Lisey’s Story and Under The Dome are? I’ll tell ya - 2,100 pages. UTD is 1,000+ itself. It’ll be like reading The Stand except it’s about aliens and I’ll hate it like I hated The Tommyknockers.

Hey Negative Nancy, why don’t you just quit then? Quitting is for losers, duh. But really, it’s because every once in a while, I get to read a book like Bag of Bones and I remember why I lurve King so much. And that folks, is how you circle back from bitching to the true topic.

I really enjoyed Bag of Bones. We already covered why. Ghosts motherfuckah. More than ghosts though, it felt like a return to true King storytelling with all the core players - the woods of Maine, a writer protagonist (obvs), horrors of both the supernatural and human varieties. Cause the ghosts are vengeful but the humans are the real monsters. Lets get on the astral plane and uncover some secrets.

I’m so basic but I literally can’t with this jacket photo.

Bag of Bones was King’s first book in a new contract with Scribner. King upped the ante on what he wanted from his publisher (take a guess - ayup more dinero) and when Viking wouldn’t bite he waved bye bye and plopped on down the road to Scribner. I guess it worked out cause he still publishes with them today. You get that 50% profit share bud, I know you and Tabs give a lot to charity so it’s ok. 

This new contract covered what would be 3 books - Bag of Bones, On Writing and a novella collection originally meant to be called “One Headlight” that morphed into my next read, Hearts in Atlantis. In the author’s afterward, King laments about On Writing, saying “I doubt they’ll ever teach this book in writing school.” Sometimes I can’t tell if King is being honest, humble, modest, ironic, pretentious or some combination of all these things, but On Writing is indeed taught in writing schools. Like a lot of them. I’m not reading his non-fiction but if I’m not dead before I finish this thing, maybe I’ll read it on a beach somewhere. Lord knows I need help in the writing department. 

So I’m going to get a little contemplative on this book because this is the last King I’ll read chronologically before his car accident. Technically his last book published before the accident was The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, but my vacation brain caused me to read these out of order. In hindsight, it makes more sense this way. 

I’ve been researching the car wreck and will do a separate Commercial Break post about the accident itself, but the jist is some distracted driver plowed into King walking along the side of the road in June 1999 and he could have died. He also could have never written again.

Navigating the subject matter of Bag of Bones, knowing the real accident was just around the corner made the book even creepier. Our main character, Mike Noonan, is a writer whose healthy wife drops dead and all of a sudden he can’t write anymore. Meanwhile, in King’s world, he himself almost dies and, trying to overcome his injuries, thinks he’ll never write again. Am I stretching? Uh yah. King’s had his fair share of writers block before, so this is a story of hindsight not foresight. But I seriously lost sleep over this story (which I haven’t since Cujo) with restless dreams about Mike Noonan and Stephen King being haunted by ghosts keeping them from practicing their craft.

I speculate that his new contract with Scribner is what got King back at the keyboard. Having only fulfilled on 1 of 3 novels must have been a solid motivation to recover and restart the engines. Only a coincidence but (Carrie Bradshaw voice) I couldn’t help but wonder if King would have quit writing for longer if he was still with Viking. King’s been writing for almost 50 years and only been with three publishing houses in all those years. The timing of the signing with Scribner just makes me wonder about fate. Oh universe, you crazy.

Back to book-world. Mike Noonan, mourning his wife four years after he passing, decides to spend the summer at their lakehouse in Maine. These writers and their multiple homes, amirite? He meets a young mother named Mattie and they fall in love. See, Mattie lost her husband tragically too. But Mattie’s in a custody battle, and her dead husband’s evil family wants her daughter.

Ok, another bitch break - my only gripe with this book. Mike is 40 and Mattie is 21. They do fall in love in a really genuine way, but still, yuck. Mike is powerful and rich, Mattie is helpless and poor. Mike swoops in and saves the day and Mattie’s all “Aw shucks, you’re my hero! You can totally bang me now!”. Mike’s our narrator so we spend all our time in his head - and we hear alllllll about his wife Jo, Mike’s sadness and his longing. Mattie hardly ever talks about her dead husband Lance and spends her time pining away over Mike. This power dynamic really rubbed me the wrong way. That said, I was rooting for them, because ya know, I’m not dead inside and they really cared for each other.

This book twists and turns and pivots and has a new bonkers revelation around every corner. We’ve got a small town of well-developed characters with unknown motives. The supernatural is writing cryptic messages with fridge magnets. Is it Jo? Is it something more sinister? Is it Pennywise? Who knows! (Just kidding, it’s not Pennywise). I pride myself of guessing the plot of these rollercoaster stories, but I was surprised by the twists many times. Although I did just watch Scream 4 for the first time and guessed the killer wrong so maybe I’m losing my touch.

Of course there are evil people too, and there’s a gunfight sandwiched between all the ghostly revelations that felt more than a little out of place, but at the end of it all, I was satisfied and smiling.

At its core it’s story of love, loss, death and morality. Even with all of its insane plotting, it comes back around to a study of grief and pain and protecting the ones you love. All my favorite King themes, combined with an actual page turning story about solving a ghost mystery? Winner winner.

Bag of Bones seems like one of those King books that fades from his most well remembered cannon, but it deserves much more. It’s got love. It’s got ghosts. It’s got evil old men. It’s got Maine! What’s not to love?

8/10

First Line: On a very hot day in August 1994, my wife told me she was going down to the Derry Rite Aid to pick up a refill on her sinus prescription - this is stuff you can get over the counter these days, I believe.

Last Line: These days I prefer not to.

Adaptations:

OH GOODY ANOTHER MINISERIES. This one was so bad even ABC passed on it, which like, they made The Langoliers, so yeah, it’s bad.

I’m not even going to go there. Pierce Brosnan plays 40-year-old Mike Noonan, except he’s 60 and also HAS A BRITISH ACCENT. Y’all, the entire plot revolves around Mike’s family being from Maine for generations. IT IS WHAT THE CLIMAX OF THE STORY IS BASED ON! Where did he get a fucking British accent from? JESUS CHRIST I HOPE THAT CASTING DIRECTOR NEVER WORKED AGAIN.

Sorry for yelling so much, seriously, it made me so angry. This movie was nonsense. They reveal the “big twist” in the opening credits. Never ever watch this.

[seigephoenix]

Betrayal

I was inspired by all the angst earlier.  Totally non-canon for The Serpent.  Also the song is The Sound Of Silence by Disturbed.  I found it to be fitting, given the drabble.  I make no apologies.  Also, check out more about Cerise in my AO3 fic: The Serpent.

“How did that song go?” Cerise murmured to herself as the cold from the ground seeped into her bones.  Hello darkness my old friend.  The melody floated through her mind, haunting and lovely, a distance memory.  I’ve come to talk to you again.  The pain throbbed through her body, but she had been through worse.  Because a vision softly creeping.  Physical pain was nothing.  Left its seeds while I was sleeping.  The betrayal, that had come from left field and left her vulnerable.  And the vision that was planted in my brain.  Cerise hated being vulnerable, it made her weak. Still remains, within the sound of silence.  Kadara ate up the weak like an alpha predator did.  In restless dreams, I walked alone.  She shut her eyes against the lance of pain in her heart.  Narrow streets of cobblestone. The buzzing in her ears felt as if she had her head in a bee hive, it was loud and droning.  ‘Neath the halo of a street lamp.  The shell shock from being hit with the concussive shot.  I turned my collar to the cold and damp.  The memory of who had been on the other end of that rifle…  When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light.  Her eyes burned with unshed tears, she refused to shed them for that bastard.  That split the night.  Loyalty was the one thing Cerise demanded from those close to her, and was returned. And touched the sound of silence.  This betrayal cut far deeper than the round from a gun ever could.  And in the naked light I saw.

The cracks around her heart grew as she heard the sounds of battle around her.  Ten thousand people, maybe more.  The blow had come from behind, whipping her body in a 180 degree turn, so her eyes could meet those of the betrayer.  People talking without speaking.  Her heart seemed brittle to her, she just couldn’t believe he had been the one to pull the trigger.  People hearing without listening.  He had been closer to her than the others.  People writing songs that voices never share.  The only problem was no one would know, her company would go on working with them.  And no one dared.  Even her brother wouldn’t understand that it hadn’t been a Roekaar bullet that had shattered her armor.  Disturb the sound of silence.  It had been his. Her lips pulled back into a grin born of desperation and grudging respect.  Fools, said I, you do not know.  He’d certainly played the long game.  Silence like a cancer grows. She’d never once figured him for betraying her.  Hear my words that I might teach you.  It was why this betrayal cut deeper than any other. Take my arms that I might reach you.  The bastard knew it too, the reptilian grin on his face told her as much. But my words, like silent raindrops fell.  She wished the pain would let her ask him why.  And echoed in the wells of silence.

She heard her name over the gunfire.  And the people bowed and prayed.  Hysteria bubbled up in her chest as she recognized her brother’s voice.  To the neon god they made.  She wouldn’t let anything happen to him, her family, the only one that understood.  And the sign flashed out its warning.  She clawed up out of the darkness that threatened to envelop her, her body moving despite the crippling pain, the fire cruising through her blood.  In the words that it was forming.  She survived a fucking shuttle crash, now get up body.  

“Colin, get back.” Her lips moved for the words but no sound left her lips.  And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls.  Her breathing was choppy, throat raw from the sulfur in the air.  The feet that appeared in her field of view sent fear skittering down her spine.  No, she wouldn’t let him.  She wouldn’t let him have Colin.  If it was the last, goddamn, thing she did.  He would not have her brother.

“Pathfinder, your sister was not injured by a Roekaar’s bullet.” SAM’s voice carried over the field.  The smug smirk slid onto her face as she lifted the pistol.  And tenement halls.  It shook, and no doubt her shot would go wide, but it was pointed at the man who betrayed her.  

“Go to hell.”  Blood gurgled up as she pulled the trigger.  Her reaction was slightly faster than his, and he fell backwards with shock flashing over his normally emotionless face.  And whispered in the sounds of silence.  She heard the others in her company rush over, screaming her name.

“Pathfinder.  Cerise needs immediately medical attention.” SAM told Colin as he watched his sister fire on her second in command.  The salarian’s body was already going cold as the pistol slipped from her fingers. Reyes stood next to Colin and winced at the scene before him.  The combat medic for the Serpents dove next to Cerise and applied the medical gel.

“C’mon boss.  You can make it.” Lister murmured as he watched the medic take off Cerise’s armor.  Cerise grit her teeth, she knew it was too late.  The poison was blazed a scorching trail along her veins, and it wouldn’t be long. Her head turned to look at his corpse on the ground, her eyes taking in the familiar face of her second in command. She wished she could ask him why, but wishes never got her very far in life.  The edges of her vision greyed as her body fought against the blood loss.

“Boss!!” The voices were muffled now.  A sigh pushed past her lips as the darkness consumed her.  Her last thoughts were of her brother and the man she’d never get to see.  Cerise hoped that her team would send him the news, he didn’t deserve to hear it from anyone else.

[teagrl]

Luke Skywalker and the Misguided, Ill-timed Look for His Mother

Great meta here on the first book of the Black Fleet Crisis, Before the Storm. I generally found the trilogy boring, Kube-McDowell’s narrative style is not my thing. 

@blue-mint-winter​ has a take away:

Metaphorically, Luke is stuck in the Past and Leia is looking to the Future, but both lose sight of what’s important now and make mistakes because of it.

My post here will focus on Luke and how badly it fits in the Legends timeline for him to be taken in by this wild goose chase for his mother at 16ABY.

Basically the reasons given for Luke to search for his mother seem really muddled to me. Luke being stuck in the past could have been better refracted through another means, possibly something to do with his view of Jedi at this point in time (the reasons for his hermitage perhaps).

I am bracketing that the prequels hadn’t come out only looking at things in-universe.

That this is such a weird moment for Luke to be having this parentage crisis is why the book series fails for me fair the get-go (even before the Luke characterization failures). Let me pull up the key scene that sets it up so I can talk about how it doesn’t fit with the timeline with more detail:

“Then I will tell you some things that you know are true,” said Akanah. “Your father was lost to the dark side, and you were forced to try to kill him. You were nearly lost to the darkness yourself. That must weigh heavily on you—wondering if you carry his weakness.”

“I’ve faced that test,” Luke said defensively.

“And would you have survived it without Leia?”

Luke Skywalker had no answer for that question.

“Perhaps that is why you cannot let yourself love without fear,” Akanah said softly. “Perhaps that is why you have no children of your own. You must fear that you will repeat your family’s tragedy in another generation. You must fear that someday you will find yourself ready to kill your own son, and him ready to kill you.”

“No—”

“You must fear yourself. How could you not? How could anyone, if he had walked your path? The bond that links you to all the horrors of Darth Vader’s reign is a terrible burden. Is that not why you’re here?” she asked pointedly. “Isn’t that the meaning of this structure? You may have forgiven Anakin Skywalker—but you know the Republic can never forgive Vader for his crimes in the  service of Palpatine.”

Luke was beyond denial. “How do you know all this?” he asked hoarsely.

“I’ve studied you—before I came here, and since. Hero of the Rebellion, Jedi Master, defender of the Republic,” she said. “Even on Carratos, we hear all the stories. And I saw in them all the things I’ve said to you.”

Turning half away from her, Luke shook his head. “No. That can’t be. I’ve voiced those fears to no one. No one.”

[…]

“But remember this, Luke—your strength in the Force did not come only from your father. The gift of the Light came from your mother—and your mother was of my people.”

1) This is not my central point here, but kind of central to the mythos so I feel like it needs to be addressed: “forced to try to kill him” is kind of a wrong way of interpreting Luke’s mission in RotJ? Luke should have corrected Akanah– he uses saving Vader as a goddamn teaching moment in JAT. 

Luke went to the Death Star to save Vader or die trying. I don’t think killing Vader was on the table from the moment that Luke told Ben he couldn’t do it. Killing the EMPEROR, yes, sure. Vader, no.

Personally, I think Luke was going to the Death Star to become a martyr pretty much (”Soon I’ll be dead and you with me.”), that’s just me.

2) Back to the timeline. This is what five years after JAT (16ABY)? Like I could see this happening during/after the Byss fiasco (10ABY), which Akahah mentions here, a huge failure of Luke’s. Also hello, losing Kyp which meant genocide, another huge failure. Or while he’s with Callista actually, if we’re seriously thinking about what it means to have children and pass Force talent. But he’s been broken up with her since like 11ABY (edit: 12 ABY goddamn you EU) and it was she who broke up with him.

So this “Perhaps that is why you cannot let yourself love without fear. Perhaps that is why you have no children of your own,” seems to come out of nowhere. Also it kind puts together two ideas:

the fact that Luke has had a hard time finding a lady who will deal with all his obligations and duties, THE problem with Luke’s love life in essence (I mean, sure, they die too, but at this point his most recent love interests, Gaeriel and Callista, are breathing, they just don’t want to deal with the Jedi shit). 

parenting issues.

To me seems like you’d need a) for b).

3) It would have been enough if Akanah just mentioned Byss and JAT, the idea of fearing himself and OWING the galaxy for his own whoopsies-my-student- blew-up-a-planet, etc. Bringing in his guilt over his parentage is unnecessary, because it should be overshadowed by his own.

[I wish earlier books (before Luke fucks up so epically) had addressed with more depth the weight of Vader’s shadow. Fuck I wish his fucking up epically had been addressed head on.]

In an earlier timeline – say around 6ABY (Mindor) or even as late at 8ABY (TTT), there is a certain cleverness in presenting the mother figure (not Padme specifically, just a mother figure) as an alternative to Anakin/Vader, the possibility that there was an uncorrupted ideal that he could hold on to (misguidedly) while he’s about to set up to undo his father’s damage. I mean, in Dark Force Rising, after Mara tells him post Death Star 1.0 Vader lost his right hand (again? lol star wars and it’s limb roulette), we have this:

Luke flexed the fingers of his artificial right hand feeling the ghostly echo of the searing pain that had lanced through it as Vader’s lightsaber sliced through skin and muscle and bone. A fragment of an old Tatooine aphorism flickered through his mind: something about the passing of evil from one generation to the next …

This is such a deep moment to investigate because it’s suggestive of the reasons why Luke at that point is so stressed about rebuilding the Jedi Order. Again this is 8ABY though. And he hasn’t royally fucked up yet.

The problem in Black Fleet’s timeline is that even aside from the fact that Luke should be over Vader as the galaxy’s henchman (as in LUKE HIMSELF has some preeeetty big failures of his own to marinate in), as a Jedi Master who has gone through so much, Luke should know better. He should be intimately familiar with the fact that there is no such thing as someone ELSE’S good to balance out evil. He should have a bone-deep knowledge that light and dark exist equally within a person. There’s no “antidote” to Vader. There’s just Anakin Skywalker inescapably human, and whoever he fathered a kid with. 

So I can see Luke being curious about the mother Leia remembers, but not for the muddled reasons Akanah gives here. 

Seems like it’d be intriguing enough for Akanah to just say his mom was a Force user belonging to a different Order. Even if Luke didn’t believe her (and he shouldn’t, or he should be skeptical, come on now), obviously he’d never ever in a million years pass up the opportunity to engage with another Order.  Perhaps weighing that Order’s challenge to the Jedi philosophy he’s been steeped in (now for more than a decade) would have yielded a much more coherent development in Luke’s characterization. 

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 59: What Do I Do Now?

Even adults sometimes want their parents.

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Lance is lying on his back, the perfect pillow for Keith, nestled against his side, and BleepBloop, wedged between them. He's got his tail wrapped around the Altean's waist. They’re on a blanket under a tree, the warmth of the early afternoon a balm against their skin. After the unpleasant morning, Keith’s glad to spend some time curled up with his chosen mate. Just lie here and inhale Lance’s scent, soak up his warmth, absorb the rhythm of his breathing. They match breath for breath, primary heartbeat to heartbeat.

Despite his content, Keith can’t quite find sleep. He’s restful, sleepy, but there’s too much going on inside his head. He can’t help but think of Thace’s words, the notes on his test results.  

“Perfect Health.”

The problem with perfect health? It means Keith has to consider his responsibilities and weigh them against what he really and truly wants.

Part of him doesn’t want to give anyone the satisfaction. All these people standing around wondering when he’s gonna push one out. They’re probably all milling about on Altea right now, gossiping about how he’s going to come back pregnant. They don’t deserve it. They don’t deserve Lance, they don’t deserve him, and they definitely won’t deserve his kits. Because obviously his kits will be perfect and beautiful and theirs, and therefore unworthy of anyone else.

Additionally, he doesn’t want to become a breeder. He has other things he still wants to do. He doesn’t want to sit around inside a castle and push out kits. Some of his species seem content with that life (probably because they’re just fucking nuts), but Keith is a warrior, and a leader (he’s trying), and someday he’d like to be an explorer. He still has dreams of a big life. The idea of his sex suddenly become a restraint bothers him.

But... He has responsibilities, both to his people and Lance’s. He doesn’t really care about elevating himself in Galra society. His friends within the Blade of Marmora and his family are enough for him. All the same, he wants to contribute to his race, be it because of Zarkon’s brainwashing or his own personal desires. Plus, he kind of needs to provide Lance an heir. It’s literally his only purpose, politically speaking.

“Perfect Health.”

What perfect health means is that his excuse is gone. Time to spread his legs!- Or so he’d think, except Lance is perfectly content to wait. Lance isn't even nineteen, and he's only just barely approaching twenty. Insanely young to be parents, even if that’s the expectation. They could absolutely wait if they wanted to…

And Keith definitely wanted to. But with that one phrase, “Perfect Health”, he can’t help but wonder.

He’s in this bad spot where no matter what he does, someone will end up mad at him. Possibly Alfor, which would be extremely inconvenient. Possibly Lance, which would break his heart. Possibly himself, which would just be par for the course at this point.

He taps Lance on the shoulder, waits for his eyes to flutter open. “I’m going to go find Shiro. Will you be alright on your own?”

Lance nods, humming an affirmative, already falling back asleep. Keith presses their lips together, Lance’s response sleepy but nonetheless sweet for it. “I love you.”

The Altean hums again, smiling his way back into a doze. That’s another thing: Lance really is sweet, and he’s been desperate to make Keith happy since before he even arrived on Altea. Bond or no bond, he feels like he owes Lance something. Which is stupid and not rational since Lance doesn’t want fuck all from him except support and affection, but Keith has a few anxieties when it comes to family.

After giving BleepBloop a goodbye pat, Keith heads out. Once he’s arrived at the compound, it takes him a minute to find Shiro. He’s in the yard, training some new recruits. “Hey, Keith. How’s it going?”

“So-so. You?”

“Well enough.” Shiro frowns. “What’s bothering you- Watch your footing, Klai. A good breeze would knock you over!”

“Thace says I’m well enough for a kit this first season. And I have to have at least two before too long.”

“And you don’t want any. I don’t blame you.”

“What? Yes I do!” Keith stares wide-eyed at his littermate? “You don’t?”

“How can I?” Shiro retorts, turning on him. “For that matter, how can you?!”

Keith can’t believe he’s hearing this. He’s always assumed his kind, warm-hearted brother wanted that. “Why wouldn’t I want that?”

“Keith, you grew up alone! How can you possibly risk leaving your kits to that same fate! How can you invite that kind of suffering on innocent life?”

“I- I would be a good parent. I’d make sure my kits would be provided for. Why should my not having had a family impede me from building one of my own?”

The found siblings gape at one another, disbelief written on both of their faces. It’s never occurred to either of them that they might have different goals in life. They’ve always been of a singular mind. Peace is a good option; the empire is stretched thin and vulnerable; Altean food is fucking nasty.

It never occurred to Keith that Shiro, who has so much to offer and so much natural talent as a mentor and leader, wouldn’t want to pass on his genes, nurture someone that’s his own flesh and blood. It never occurred to Shiro that Keith, damaged, neglected, traded like a commodity, would still want to start a family of his own.

Shiro sighs, runs fingers through the silver hair on top of his head. “You really want kits?”

Keith nods, ears wilted, tail limp. He eyes his littermate carefully, trying to figure out how to appease him. Stupid kit instincts.

“Okay. Hey, it’s okay. We’re okay. I’m sorry.” Shiro rubs the top of Keith’s head. “But if that’s what you really want, I’m not the right person to talk to.”

“Yeah, I guess not.” Keith sighs, turning back to the sparring newcomers. “I’ll talk to my mother. I planned to anyway, since she and I both have that disorder.”

He can feel needles and aches in his bones again, prominent in his shoulders, knees, and hips.

“Good idea.” Shiro smiles. “So, what do you think? They any good?”

“They’re good for soldiers. They’ve got a lot to learn if they want to be Blades.”

“I agree. The potential is there, but the refinement is not. Speaking of which, I know you’ve been trying to keep a low profile because of your age, but you and Lance should come to training tomorrow morning. You say he’s improved, and I want to see that, and I want to see his supposed marksmanship. I also know that you haven’t been challenged in a while, so I want to see how much you’ve regressed.”

“Good idea. I could use a bit of conditioning, and a bit of exercise, to be honest. I’ve been very lazy since coming home.”

“I know. Rumor has it a pair of princes have been lounging about down in a certain village, grossing everyone out with their affections.”

“Oh, fuck off! The sun feels nice, alright?!”

“What about the rain?”

Keith’s ears twitch, betraying his embarrassment. But he smiles. “Yeah. That too.”

“Aw, you lovesick idiot. Go say hi to your mother!” Shiro shoves him away, but it’s more playful than anything else.

Of course, Keith has to push back, so Shiro has to push back, so Keith has to try and tackle him, so-

Lance sighs, glancing at the datapad propped up in the windowsill, setting BleepBloop on his shoulder. While he waits for his father to pick up the call, he looks over a recipe someone handed him while he was folding up the nap blanket. It seems simple enough. Chop up some stuff, throw it in a pot, cook it over a fire. Said pot was already outside, boiling bones to make the broth.

He’s cooked before, actually, making a hobby of it as a way to spend more time with Hunk, Rosetta, and Shay. That said, he’s never done it on his own. Well, he’s seen what a finished stew is supposed to look like, and it’s about time he and Keith stopped freeloading off the neighbors, so… fuck it. He might as well try.

"Here you go." Lance hands BleepBloop a small beanpod, which the primate bites, then throws across the room. "Guess you only eat meat, huh? Wait a tick, and I'll give you some, okay?" The primate chitters, clearly annoyed at his stupidity, but he's easily appeased by a head scratch.

While he waits for his father to bother answering, Lance begins by chopping some meat wrapped in leaves and covered in spices. It’s the same color as bits of meat still stuck to the bones cooking outside. Taking a luxite knife, Lance does as he’s seen the locals do, slicing the meat up along with the leaves right on top of the dining table. Picking off a piece of leaf, he hands a small chunk to BleepBloop, almost certain Keith would kick his ass for feeding it to him.

“Lance.” It’s his father, dressed in pajamas, watching him from the screen of his datapad. It’s later in the quintant back home, already after dark. “How is Daibazaal?”

“Very different, and the people don’t like me much, but I like it here.”

“You’ve been out in the village?”

“Yes. Keith has a den.” Lance scoops up the meat and leaves, dumping them in a stone bowl. He starts on a basket of vegetables and tubers, starting by using a mortar and pestle to mash up some plump, violet fruits with soft insides and a thin skin. “...He has friends here.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad for that. Have you seen the imperial family at all?”

“No, which is probably fortunate, given that Keith and I have been wandering all over the place like a pair of tourists, flaunting that he’s only just now growing up.”

A moment's pause, then, “Lance, what was the one major thing I told you to do?”

“Have sex with Keith?”

“Lance.”

“Stay safe," he grumbles. There’s silence in the wake of their heads butting together. “When did you last hear from Allura?”

“Just a few vargas ago. She informed me that Romelle no longer recognizes her.”

“What are we going to do? Where do we go from here?”

“Nothing. Nowhere.”

Lance’s heart stops. “How can you say that? She- Wasn’t she your friend? Don’t you care about her and Allura?”

“Son, it took me a centaphoeb and a half to piece Romelle’s brain back together. We’re lucky she’s with us at all.” Seeing the look on Lance's face, Alfor remembers he sometimes needs to be more gentle with his bleeding heart of his son.

“There’s nothing more I can do for her, Lance. I’ve tried everything. If something new becomes available, I’ll be more than tempted to arrange treatment myself, but the truth is… It’s cruel to keep forcing Romelle through all these experimental treatments. They can be traumatic and invasive, and half the time, there’s a decline in her condition, and almost never any improvement at all.”

Lance recognizes the truth in his father’s words, but it still hurts. Romelle is one of his few friends. BleepBloop smears a tear over his cheek before it can fall onto the vegetables he’s chopping. “What am I gonna tell Allura?”

“Nothing. You don’t have to tell her anything. I am going to tell her that there’s nothing left to try right now, but that I will be refocusing my efforts to find a new solution.”

“You’re going to lie to her?”

“Your sister deserves that, don’t you think?” Alfor murmurs, watching his son prepare food like a commoner.

“I don’t understand.”

“One day, you’ll have children of your own, and you’ll learn. I know I haven’t exactly been a good father, but I’ve never been indifferent to your pain. Either of you. The kindest thing I can do for Allura is lie.”

Lance nods, staring at the pile of vegetables before him. He can feel the sharp downturn of his mouth. “There’s really nothing I can do?”

“There’s nothing anyone can do.” The king sighs. “It’s a hard lesson for people like us, Lance: Some things are out of our control.”

Chuckling, Lance scoops all the vegetables into the large stone bowl. “Yeah. I think Keith’s catching on.”

“To what, that you’re a control freak?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s known that since the Frost Ball at the very latest.”

Grunting his reluctant agreement, Lance grabs his datapad, sets it outside by the stew pot so he can keep talking to his father while he babysits the stew. BleepBloop steals a lump of meat and runs off with it. Checking the paper recipe, Lance casually dumps all the ingredients in.

“What the quiznak are you doing?”

As per the recipe, Lance pours in a leather satchel full of grain. “Locals got tired of me freeloading, so today I am making stew. I’ve never made it before, so they gave me a recipe. On paper… I’ve never touched paper before.”

“I have, a few times. Pretty neat, right?” Alfor smiles.

“Yeah. It’s like… soft. But also not? Anyway, I told our neighbor when they came by with the ingredients that I’m willing to learn how to do other stuff if they’re willing to teach me. I don’t have anything against labor.”

“Be careful. You are not the people, Lance. You are separate from them.” Easy for his aloof, antisocial father to say.

“I know.” He does know. He also knows that his desperate need for community is in direct opposition with his responsibilities. “Keith has a lot of friends here, or at least friendly neighbors. I think he was kind of adopted by the locals.”

“If the locals are friendly with him, you need to establish yourself as a prominent figure within the community.” There’s a fine line between friendly and friends, and they both know it. Lance knows he’s already been far too friendly with Thace, a man who just handed him his newborn within seconds of meeting. Alfor doesn’t need to know about that.

“You mean be neighborly? I’ll be neighborly, and you learn some less… aggressive vocabulary, okay?” Lance shifts the fire beneath the pot, sliding some of the burning logs into the stone oven on the other side of the oblong fire pit, gradually bringing the stew from a boil to a simmer.

A young adult half-Galra comes up, carrying a stone bowl full of dough. They have brightly colored skin, including a prehensile appendage on top of their head. “Mind if I borrow that extra fire?”

Lance shakes his head. “Go for it. I’ll speak to you later, Father. Please say hello to Dad for me.”

“Of course. Have a good evening, Lance.”

“You too.” Lance lets his father do the hanging up. It’s so weird, having an actual conversation with his father. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to it. Or Galra society. “Okay, I gotta ask you a rude question.”

The unfamiliar Galra looks up, somewhat amused. “Go ahead.”

“What pronouns do you use?”

“She/her. Name’s Ezor. Galra gender identity killing you yet?”

“Driving me insane,” Lance admits.

“Just guess, and if it bothers someone, they’ll correct you. It’s how we all get by.” The woman smiles, working the dough in her hands into small balls, wrapping them in leaves, sticking two at a time on the stones by the fire. “Thanks for letting me borrow your fire. I didn’t feel like making one.”

“I’d never made one before. Good to know it’s worth borrowing.”

Lance looks up from stirring the stew. It’s almost dark, there’s a growing chill in the air, and Keith isn’t back yet. He decides not to worry about it, instead assuming he’s with his brother.

Keith’s actually with his mother, having taken plenty of time earlier to horse around with his brother and some of his old friends. The Blade of Marmora, Emperor Zarkon’s private army, has been his family since he came to the mountain. He’d actually wanted to fully join the Blades after his first season, and sometimes he misses the community. They don’t treat him any differently, except to tease him about the ribbon braided into his hair.

It doesn’t bother him, but he does wonder how he might have ended up if he hadn’t been married to Lance.

He also wonders how he might have ended up if he hadn’t finally found his mother, who’s a truly wonderful combination of fierce and gentle. For example, scolding him for lying about and acting a fool instead of keeping himself well-conditioned, then promptly giving him a hug and a hot cup of tea.

“So. I never see you anymore unless you’re having problems.” Krolia sits back in her chair, smirk crossing her face. Keith glares, riling easily at his mother's unfair but completely accurate observation. “Come on, kitten. I can tell something’s bothering you.”

Hating how easily he softens, Keith spills. “I don’t know if I should get pregnant or not.”

Krolia lifts an eyebrow, staring at her young son. “Are you healthy enough?”

" Perfect Health."

"Yes."

“Are you happy with your relationship with Lance? Are you ready to take that next step?”

“Yes.” He’s frustrated with the number of choices that have been taken away from him, but none of that is Lance’s fault. In fact, Lance is going out of his way to give him as many choices as possible.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I… Someone will end up unhappy. If I decide not to, Alfor will be even more annoying and Lance will be sad, even though he’s pretending he won’t care. If I do have a kit, then I’ll be mad at myself."

"Why?"

"Because then I'll have just gone and done what everyone else wanted!"

"And?" Keith balks at his mother's insight. "There's always an 'and', Keith."

And-” Keith gulps. “And then that’s all I’ll be good for.”

“All you’ll be good for?” Krolia frowns. “How in the cosmos did you arrive at that conclusion?”

“That’s all anybody wants from me. To the Empire, I’m a breeder. To the Alteans, I’m a breeder at best, a novelty at worst. I want- I want to be other things, Mom. I know I’m worth more than that.”

“Am I a breeder?” Krolia asks quietly, fixing her son with a hard stare. Keith sinks down in his seat, appropriately abashed. “Is Thace a breeder? We are all what we make ourselves, Keith. You can be a breeder, if that’s what you allow yourself to be. Or you can be a father, a warrior, an explorer, a future king- Whatever you want to be, that is what you make yourself. What do you want to be, Keith?”

“I… I don’t know. I- More. I want to be more.”

“Do you want to be a father? Do you want kits of your own?”

“...Yes. I want that. A lot.”

“If you become a father, sooner or later you will give everyone the satisfaction of seeing you bear Lance's children. It is up to you if that is your only great achievement. If you want to be a father and something 'more', what will you do to make those things happen?”

“...I don’t know.”

“Then that’s where you should start. You have time, kitten. You're young enough yet.”

Krolia stands, rubs her kit behind the ears. He’s so very nearly grown, and she barely got any time with him. Beneath her gaze, a spasm crawls down his legs, up his back, over his shoulders. “Do you have a shot with you, kitten?”

“Yeah. Can I-”

“Come on.” Krolia leads her hurting son over to the bed, helps him into it. Keith curls up, tail curled tight to his body. Giving him the injection into the port on his arm, Krolia climbs up next to him, settles her warmth next to his. “Rest. Then you can go home to Lance.”

Keith whimpers, curling tighter as pain wracks his body. He nods, settling in against his mother. His muscles stay tense, unwilling to make himself more vulnerable in his condition.

“Just rest, kitten. I’ve got you. I’ll keep you safe.” Krolia strokes her baby’s hair, missing all the decaphoebs behind them, all the ones she didn’t have. “Momma’s here.”

Her son is blessed, privileged with medical care that she never had, but Krolia is loath to see her kit in pain. Galra are forever devoted to their own young, even after they grow up. Her love for Keith will remain strong even after instinct has faded. Knowing that he is her only kit, he’s even more precious. Her greatest achievement in life is her son.

“It's late," Keith whispers some time later, gazing at the darkness outside. He looks tired, pain even he can't resist sapping his strength.

"It is. Do you want to stay here, or go home?" Krolia already knows the answer, but it's a small choice she can offer her entangled son.

"I should go. I've been missing Lance since I left. Which is super freaky."

"It'll pass." Krolia watches her son play with the end of his braid. "You really do love him, don't you."

Not a question. A statement. A surrender.

"I do. He's earned it, Mom. We both worked hard to be friends, and now we're working hard for this. But he was the one who reached out first. I was content to hate him forever."

"I'm still content to hate him forever." Krolia sighs. "But I'll tolerate him, since you're so fond."

"Thanks, Momma." Keith kisses his mother's cheek, heads for home. He's got a lot to talk about, and a husband who happens to really enjoy that exact thing.

Lance is lucky he's cute. Or maybe it's Keith that's lucky. Who the fuck even knows at this point?