#I ACTUALLY SCREAMED AT HOW FUCKING S M A L L SHE WAS COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE IT IS 3 AM😭😭😭😭

[kindheartedgummybears]

the LH group @ Taylor

CRYINGGG😭😭😭😭😭

[fellasleepinbaltimore]

GFYJUJYV ME WHEN I GET TAGGED TO PICK A SONG FOR EACH LETTER OF MY URL GYJYUU LONG ASS MF URL SCREEEEAAAM (thank you @mithli b7abak)

also y'all bitches already know how I do I am going to add commentary to each song <3 good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor!!!

F - Fernando, ABBA (literally this or Fantasy by Mariah Carey it was so hard to choose)

E - Everywhere, Fleetwood Mac (clearly...)

L - La Bamba, Los Lobos (L is literally the hardest letter so far Jesus Christ!)

L - Last Dance, Donna Summer (honorable mention to Last Christmas by Wham!)

A - Against The Wind, Victory

S - The Story, Brandi Carlile (actually fuck the letter s omg, sorry to Still My Friend by Rubby, Kaysha and Soul of a Man performed by Stark Sands from the Broadway musical Kinky Boots you all deserve to win)

L - Lets Groove, Earth Wind & Fire

E - The Edge Of Glory, Lady Gaga

E - El Hal Romancy, Mashrou' Leila

P - Piece of My Heart, Faith Hill (actually p was the most evil I really cannot even list all the the other songs I wanted to put here to all you need to know is it was a blood bath but Miss Hill does deserve to be here thank you)

I - I Touch Myself, Divinyls (easily top i song)

N - No One, Alicia Keys (honestly just gotta go with a classic :)

B - Battlefield, Jordin Sparks (this was also hard wanna mention Barbie Girl by Aqua and so many others but I won't, Jordin ate this song up tho like every time the vocals get me, like listening to this song for nearly a decade and I'm not tired, timeless)

A - Ain't No Way, Aretha Franklin (NO ACTUALLY THIS IS THE WORST ONEEE SO HARD TO PICVKLK, shout out to Akin Ka Na Lang by Morissette Amon and anything by Gaga starting with A, Alejandro, Alice sorry but they don't compare to this rip)

L - Las de la Intuición, Shakira (also honorable mention to La Gata Bajo la Lluvia by Rocío Dúrcal)

T - Tease Me, Chaka Demus & Pliers (so hard shout out Te Plac by 3 Sud Est, Te Dejo Madrid and Te Aviso, Te Anuncio by Shakira)

I - If I Get High - II, Nothing But Thieves (truly a three-way between this, I Know It's Over by Jeff Buckley and I Am a Poseur by X-ray Spex)

M - My Man, Barbra Streisand, Funny Girl (SCREAMING AND CRYING AND THROWING UP!! IM JUST A BOY WHO SUCKS COCK BORN INTO A WORLD WHERE HES FORCED TO PICK ONE SONG STARTING WITH THE LETTER M WHEN THERE'S MERCY BY DUFFY, ME LLORA EL CIELO BY JESSE & JOY ETC ETC HASTA WILLOW SMITH BRO!! I- THIS WAS SO AWFUL but ultimately it is Miss Streisand if she doesn't get one for Piece of Sky it has to be My Man)

O - Origin of Love, Steven Trask, Hedwig and The Angry Inch (strangely enough it was quite difficult to find songs I liked enough to put on o which is weird bc... it's literally my playlist so idk what that says)

R - Rumore, Raffaella Carrà (werk)

E - El Tajo y la Tanga, Nene Malo (EL ICÓNICO, EL INOLVIDABLE!!! NENE MALOOOOO really feel good about ending with him ngl)

thank you for joining me on this journey if you too would like to participate feel free to do so!! here are some tagged folks mwah!

@transboydororo @iminfinitelyinfinitesimal @theranchbandit @vickythecarwash @allosaurusjimmadseni @alvallah

feel free to participate or not

[bakugohoex]

Iida,Kirashima and Bakugo with a s/o who is competing in that Pageant UA in the School Festival Arc?

“if you win, i’ll take you out tonight”

pairing: eijiro kirishima x female readers, katsuki bakugo x female reader

cw: language, sexual implications, fluff

word count: 2700+

a/n: umm hi, i hit 500 hundred followers earlier today and it just means so much to me thank you for the support also i don’t write for iida sorry

summary: in which you’re performing at the ua pageant and get a surprised visit from one of the boys with a proposal in mind

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

eijiro kirishima 

The black encased your figure perfectly, it was tight in all the right places and you looked perfect. Well that’s what Kirishima thought walking into where you and Mina were. Mina seemed to be holding a silver leotard with a skirt it didn’t look at good as the black did. The thigh high boots clinged to your thighs, he was drooling at the sight of the skin squishing at the top of them. Having been told by Midoriya who had brought Eri along to see the contestants, he had been in shock and instantly told the boy who had asked what had me the green haired boy redden.

“Hey Kiri, what’s up?” Hearing his nick name was heaven to his now red ears.

You gestured for him to move to the side, seeing a man come in with the rest of your costume. Mina in an instant told him where to put the stuff as you went closer to the red-haired boy. “You okay?”

You were worried at his unusual quietness, “I…I didn’t know you were doing the pageant.”

“Yeah, I kind of got dragged into doing it, Mina wanted me to.” You smile, you hadn’t realised how in his eyeshot’s were your boobs, but you didn’t care, you were just friends after all.

Even though on the walk towards him you might have pulled the top part to reveal more just for the boy. “Oh that’s cool, I’ll definitely vote for you.”

“I’m expecting you too.” You smile, your lips were a shade lighter then your original lip colour and your eyes had little star gems underneath. It was perfect, you were perfect.

“I was ugh, thinking that…” He paused thinking of the rehearsed words him and Sero had been practicing a mere hour ago when he had found out about you doing this, “if you win, I’ll take you out tonight.”

“Like a date?” You questioned.

He became even more beat red, matching his hair colour, you smiled at the boy waiting for an answer. He scratched the back of his head, “yes like a date.”

“I better win then.” You laughed before hearing Mina shout your name, “I’ll see you later.”

You leant to kiss his cheek before walking back to Mina who had gotten the end piece of your leotard. Kirishima touched his cheek a smile on his face as he left you, Mina had wrapped the dress around you leaving the from part uncovered. You looked amazing and Mina was happier that she had pulled this off than your actual looks.

“Okay, I think they’re going to call your name soon, I’ll be at the front row.” You nod watching her leave before pacing back and forth.

You had never done something like this and even with being as confident as you were, you were scared. But the sight of Kirishima and his blushing self had sent you into overdrive, the boy had asked you out and now you had to win. You heard your name and started walking to where the stage was, being a third year you had seen this many times with the class from Nejire winning in your first year and another person the next. Now it was your turn to win and you were up against some girls who were a lot prettier than you were. Whose quirks were amazing compared to yours.

“Now onto the stage we have class 3a Y/n Y/l/n.” You heard your name but were unable to move, you hesitantly wobbled onto the stage, the lights flashing. You were anxious but it soon dimmed at the sight of Kirishima, his wide shark teeth grin melted your heart. In an instance you gained the confidence, his thumbs up making you warm up inside.

Your quirk activated and, in an instant, you were up in the air controlling electricity through your fingertips. The way your hair filled up with the yellow sparks, you and Denki having a similar quirk, but you didn’t have an over exertion limit and yours was more lightening from the sky then anything else. You pranced about with it, making symbols and making everybody enchanted by your movement. It was a sight for sore eyes, the lightening clinging to the skirt that Mina had put on you before becoming ash in front of their eyes. They watched you emerge from it with the leotard that was now a bright red before landing right in front of Kirishima.

A grin on his face at the beauty he had just seen, you let the lightening strike behind you before taking a bow. Hearing cheers at the performance it was unexpected, it wasn’t amazing, and you thought it too similar to the previous third years, but Mina had said you’d put your own twist on it. Which you did in some ways, your hair moved back down to your body onto the red as you smiled at everybody. Kirishima gave a bright grin and you knew it’d take a while before the results came in.

“Y/n, that was fucking amazing.” She squealed jumping into your lap, you hugged her as she stayed sitting before seeing Kirishima and the rest of your class come in.

“You were brilliant, we had no idea you were doing the pageant.” Ururaka squeals hugging both you and Mina who wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

Kirishima smiled at you softly you hoped he wouldn’t back down on the agreement because you had only got the nerve to do it due to seeing him. “We’ll let you get changed.” Momo spoke picking Mina off of you and dragging her out.

You nodded and they all left again, Kirishima having been ushered along as well. You signed taking the stars off your face and wiping the makeup, you put on the UA uniform, your face finally breathing in natural air. You walked out, fearful of the result and really wanting to know if you were spending your night alone or not.

Hearing the announcement occur, you saw your friends in the crowd all cheering for you, you stood alongside the other girls. Waiting to hear the results, the wait seemed long and strenuous but at the sound of your name. Your eyes widened as banners popped out and a crown and sachet were put on your head.

Kirishima clapped grinning at how happy you were, what he didn’t realise was how you were joyous due to the proposition and not the winning. Walking towards the boy after being dismissed, you gave a soft smile the crown placed perfectly on your head.

“Congratulations Y/n.”

“Thank you, Kiri.” It was silent as you waited for him to talk, you played with the sachet, feeling accomplished at the win.

He finally looked up at you nervously, “about what I said earlier, if you…you don’t want to go out with me then…then that’s f…fine.”

You gave a nervous laugh which he took as mocking him, he was ready to walk away, “of course we’re going out tonight, I’ll be ready by 6.”

You went to kiss his cheek again, a feeling he had missed, the close contact  being unbearable before you leant in to kiss him. His soft lips on your own, hands on your waist whilst yours were in the red locks. It was a pretty sight, and the class were more shocked at this then you doing the pageant. With mouths open and confusion riddled throughout them. 

katsuki bakugo

The muffles from inside the room that was supposed to have the pageant contestants sounded eerily like you and Mina. Bakugo had been walking past trying to find where Kirishima had gone with his phone. But instead had heard you and Mina in the room, barging through with a knock, you both screamed before realising who it was.

“Knock next time,” Mina muttered to the boy helping you put the sparkles in your hair.

He glared at her before looking at you, “What you doing?” He asked uninterested but really wanting to know.

You turned to face him, the silver sequined dress making his ears prick red. He watched you stand up smirking, it was almost too seductive at how you walked up to him, Mina annoyed you had left. But you didn’t care, the dress was too short, and you knew his eyesight were on your exposed chest.

He turned to not meet your boobs; he could imagine his hand cupping them but quickly dismissed it. “I’m doing the pageant.” You hadn’t meant to stroll up to him, but your shoes were on the other side, and as you passed him, his head quipped back to watch you bend to pick the shoes.

Your ass on full view, his jaw clenching at how easily you could so something like that in front of him. Had it been anybody else and he wasn’t here would you have done the same to them. You stood back up sauntering past and sitting back on the seat for Mina to continue to put the glitter on your face

“Why would you do a shitty thing like that?” Bakugo asked coming closer to the two of you.

Mina was the one to answer this time, putting the silver eyeliner across your eyes, “it looked fun and i wanted Y/n to do it.”

You nodded re-opening your eyes to see yourself in the mirror, “I’m going to grab the tiara.”

Mina left leaving silence between you and the angry boy, “you could’ve just done a private show instead, you don’t need to look like that in front of people.”

“I can do what I want.” You stood back up to meet his gaze, this time he stared directly at you.

“I’m just saying, people will see stuff that’s supposed to be m…” He stopped in his tracks, you raising an eyebrow. Before bringing your finger to graze across his arm it was exposed and his skin was on show, you could almost feel the goosebumps.

Smirking at the boy, he knew exactly what you were doing, and he wasn’t going to fall for it. In the three years you had both spent in UA, the small touches here and there from the two of you had been noticed by the class. Here in private, he thought of a way to get you out but also prove you don’t need validation by voters instead. An ultimatum of some sorts.

“I could finish the sentence if you want.” Even with the shoes you were still shorter then the boy, his hand reached for your face, the rough texture gazing up and down your cheek.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” his fingers moved to circle your lips, his thumb moving from corner to corner. You nodded waiting to hear the deal, “if you win, I’ll take you out tonight.”

“So now you want me to do it?” It was a joke but even the strong willed Bakugo was fearful of your response, maybe you would reject him and never talk to him again.

“I’m just saying instead of doing it to gain praise, do it to win a date with me.” The word date stumbled from his mouth without him realising. A grin plastering on your face to draw attention away from your wide eyes and blush that speckled across your nose and cheeks. He let go of your mouth and face in an instant, mostly to hide how his palms had gotten sweaty.

He put his hands in his pockets waiting to hear an answer himself now but not daring to meet your eyes, “okay, but I get a kiss as well.” You had sweetened the deal and this time Bakugo was the one to go wide eyed.

He regained some composure, looking at you with a smirk, “deal.”

Before you could say anymore, Mina arrived back with the silver tiara and Bakugo left without a goodbye, Mina complained about Bakugo and other people, you agreeing waiting for her to put the final touches to you.

You looked beautiful, the reflection staring back at you bringing Mina’s eyes to warm at how gorgeous you actually looked. “I’ll be in the front row.” She waved walking out the door, your looked at yourself and realised that you needed to win.

If this was your only goal in life, then so be it. You needed the date, needed the kiss that you had longed for, for years and most of all you needed Bakugo’s praise. Nobody else’s, just his.

You stepped out the room, walking to where the stage was. You were confident in the performance, having practiced it with Mina for weeks now, but you were still scared. Nervous even, hearing your name, you smiled walking onto the stage.

Seeing the faces and lights pouring onto the stage, you took a sharp breath before activating your quirk, moving the lights with your fingers. You made them come closer and closer to you before you pushed against the air to fly with the lights, the way you made the fairy lights from surrounding stalls erupt next to you had enchanted the audience. But most specifically the scowl that had been on Bakugo’s face seconds prior had turned into a look of love and lust.

Watching you move with the lights that you made change colour, the ribbons that swirled around you. It was definitely a show, the dress stayed clinging to you, nobody being able to see your underwear. Which both you and Mina were glad about, but whilst they watched the speculations occurring beside you. Bakugo only had eyes for you, his gaze skimming up and down your body, ever curve that attached the dress, the tiara that stayed on top of your head. He wanted you to be his princess, he wanted to call you mine in a matter of minutes.

The performance ended with you out of breath and making sure you moved everything back where it was supposed to go. You bowed before taking your leave backstage, knowing the results wouldn’t be coming out for a while.

Mina was the first one through the doors eloping you into a hug, you felt suffocating but let her keep at it before Bakugo pried her off you. “Leave the damn woman alone, alien.”

You rolled your eyes at the nickname, turning to the other girls who all hugged you as well, “sorry guy’s I’d catch up with you about this, but the results are getting announced soon and I need to get changed.”

They all nod leaving, Bakugo watched you turn away, undoing the earrings and wiping the makeup, he dawdled for a bit before leaving. He didn’t know what to say to you but all he wanted was for you to win and get the kiss he had desired for three years.

You quickly got changed, wearing the UA uniform and chucking the plastic tiara that Mina had bought onto the desk. Hearing the announcement, you were a lot more nervous after thinking about the situation. Could you still go on the date even if you lost? You didn’t know and whilst waiting in line with the rest of the girls, still scared. You saw the blond smirk at you and knew that even if your lost you’d still gain a reward from him.

The sound of your name made your eyes widen and even Bakugo’s smirk turned into a genuine smile at how you had won. The crown was placed on your head and Bakugo swooned, this man became red and had to not look at how perfect you looked in it. Streamers flowing down past you, it was a sight and he saw so much beauty in that moment.

Once you were dismissed, you were the one smirking as you strolled to the boy, “I won.”

“I saw.” He spoke nonchalantly not meeting your gaze.

“6pm then.” He nodded his fear and insecurity being established.

You saw him not meet your eyes and felt something in your stomach. You leant up to kiss his cheek thinking he was scared to kiss you, “you don’t have to kiss me.

You were about to walk away but he grabbed your arm bringing you onto his chest and his lips catching your own. His hands moving to cup your cheeks, your own moving to his spiky blond locks. The kiss was deep and having heard you say those words had made him regain his confidence to do what he liked with you. He let go off you a classic smirk painted across his face and a dazed you in his arms.

You were both staring at each other, he kissed your temple, “you’re mine.” It was a murmur, but it made your insides warm.

“I’m yours.”

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @chrrylevi @ukaisgratefulwhore @answer-the-sirens

[volleyball-dontknowher]

NSFW Alphabet w/ Tsukishima Kei

A?N: He might be a little ooc in some of them but I just feel like Tsukki is truly a loving guy who will treat you like the world and actually has a heart in there also I have a request for HC’s with Noya that is either coming out today or tomorrow and I am open to more requests

It is all below the cut 

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He loves you so much when he is done fucking you senseless he is all about aftercare. He will pull you close to him and kiss the top of your head, then your forehead then give you the most loving kiss ever. This is the side of Tsukishima that you rarely get to see. He gets you a cup of water and gives you one of his shirts so that you don’t have to move. Will tell you all of the things he loves about you and will always pull you to his chest and just appreciate you. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Yours:He is all about your boobs, totally doesn’t seem like it but he’s a giant and every time he looks down at you he can’t help but look at your boobs. He wishes he didn’t have to look every single time he looked at you, but he does. In the bedroom he loves sucking on, kissing and kneading your boobs in his hands. 

His: He loves his hands, he loves how they can please you and have you squirming in minutes, he loves how big they are compared to yours and how he pretty much covers your whole hand in his, he loves that he can practically cup your whole face in his hands before he kisses you. Like if he didn’t have hands he wouldn’t know what to do. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He asks before you start where you want him to cum because he doesn’t like ruining the moment to ask. He loves coming inside of you because it is the least messy and shows a level of trust that is really important to him. He doesn’t like making a big mess so otherwise he is going to pull out and cum right onto your stomach, has a huge problem with cumming on your face, he cannot make himself ruin your beauty with his disgusting cum, it just turns him off. Loses it if you take him in your mouth and swallow it though like to him that’s so hot. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Adores it when you give him hickeys, it doesn’t matter if others can see them or not he likes feeling claimed and knowing that you are his and he is yours and no one can come between that. If you leave a hickey it definitely makes him a lot more riled up and he wants to go again sooner. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s not amazing at first but he definitely is a fast learner, watches, listens and feels what makes you feel the best. He wants you to enjoy yourself so much so even though he starts off very inexperienced he wants to be the best and your only so he may or may not also watch some porn to get an idea of what girls like. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Mr. Tsukishima loves seeing your face and having your legs over his shoulders as he pounds into you but he cannot deny that his favorite position is taking you from the back. He just loves how it feels and how he can pull your hair if he wants or pull you up to rest against his chest. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

If Tsuki is ever goofy during sex the world is ending. He is a serious guy and he likes to focus on what he’s doing and make sure that he is doing a good job and you are enjoying yourself. He barely speaks let alone making a joke, it would ruin his mood almost instantly because this is a moment between the two of you and he doesn’t want it ruined. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Blonde and well kept, he has to look good to feel good. Doesn’t want a mess of hair, he likes to keep it at about half an inch and tame. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He is the most romantic before and after, in the moment he is very focused and just wants to please you, he will kiss you and give you little praises but he is the most romantic before, when he is kissing your whole body and running his hands up and down your body, and after, where he tells you how much you mean to him and takes care of you. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

If he is away from you he is jacking off, everyday, he can’t help himself, his mind wanders to you all the time. He wonders where you are, what you're doing, and what you’re wearing (usually imagines you in something almost inappropriate and it turns him on so much). He typically does it in the shower because it is really easy clean up and he loves the water running down his back. He also will do it in his bedroom if no one is home because he wouldn’t be caught dead beating his meat, but when he does his eyes squeeze shut and his whole body shakes as he gets close. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He is a kinky mf let me tell you. He likes blindfolds, handcuffs, or anything that restrains him and gives him full control. A total dom who occasionally likes for you to call him daddy. Will absolutely try lots of positions and loves to edge you so that you are screaming his name. Also into punishing you if you’re bad, take that how you may. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He likes private places, will not put either of you in a position where you could get caught because he would never recover from it. Likes doing it in the bedroom or in the shower the most. Though he cannot say no to a blowjob in an empty storage closet. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Literally anything you do, smirk at him, boner, wink at him, boner, wear a cute outfit, boner. You are so sexy to him that even the littlest things make him want to jump you. If you want to really get him going though you need to kiss behind his ear and whisper dirty things into his ear and then back off and pretend that you didn’t say or do anything. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He would not share you, you are his and his alone. He also wouldn’t do anything with blood, knives, or candle wax because that’s way too uncomfy for him. No food in the bedroom, eating makes him feel sick and doing it before having sex just ruins things for him no matter how sexy it seems 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves both equally and tries to give as much as he receives. When he receives he is the loudest you will ever hear him because it just hits every single nerve in his body the right way. Someday’s that’s all he wants is for you to be on your knees and for him to thrust into your mouth taking full control. 

Now giving is a different story, he’s super confident from the start and will grab your legs and hold you up to his face. Will lick and suck on all of you until you are screaming his name and pulling his hair. He has a lot of skill with his tongue and he is not afraid to use it, he has you cumming so fast and he will lick it all clean. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on the day, he will take it slow if it is an important anniversary or he is feeling cuddly (or being a massive tease), but otherwise he will pound into you like there is no tomorrow. You both like it hard and fast so he might as well go crazy with it. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Lives for quickies in the morning, he loves them so much because he then starts his day off less stressed and more relaxed. He will take quickies if it is all he has time for during the day but if he has the time to do it all he will, every single time. He also sometimes initiates quickies for an ego boost before a match because he just cannot get enough of you screaming his name from him fucking you then screaming his name in the stands. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He isn’t a huge fan of risk, again, would not be caught dead having sex with you. Not only is it embarrassing just in the act but he doesn’t want anyone else to see you naked. He occasionally will go for it in a storage closet or an empty locker room but he is super calculated with it and makes sure that you are comfortable. Now in your bedroom he will try most everything, he tried roleplay once and couldn’t get into it, you also tried having him blind folded and he was completely down. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He is an athlete, he’s in it for the long haul. He can go typically two rounds, on good days 3-4 and on rough days he likes it to be one and done. The first round usually lasts about fifteen minutes and after that he usually lasts about ten minutes if you give him a few minutes to breathe between. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Cannot and will not use toys on himself but will definitely use them on you to tease you and to get you all bothered. Loves to watch you use toys on yourself, it just strikes something within him that he loves, it’s a mix of holy shit she’s so hot and oh my god why isn’t that me and my dick and after he fucks you the best he has in  a long time 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If you thought that Tsuki was ever a person to tease in day to day activities he is definitely going to be worse in the bedroom. Will tease you until you are literally begging for more, he can’t help himself it gives him an ego boost and he can’t help it you just look so fucking hot when you are begging for his cock and for him. He literally watches you with his usual blank expression but he is literally engraining it in his mind for forever. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not loud, but definitely a groaner, long and deep groans and moans come from him once he gets into it. He really tries to keep quiet because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself even though he tries to make you as loud as possible. When he gets close he mutters out a string of curse words and your name over and over and cannot help himself. Is definitely loud when you blow him though, can’t help it he's a moaning mess like you are just turning him on in every single way possible and he can’t make himself care enough to keep quiet. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He absolutely wants you to ride him, like get on top of him and take control occasionally. Loves the idea of not having to not worry about it and just enjoy himself, whenever he masturbates he thinks about you bouncing on top of him but is not comfortable telling you this fantasy. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s a big guy with a big guy. Definitely gets his smirky attitude from somewhere and that somewhere is down there. Longer than average (probably like a 7.5) and a little thicker than average, just in general his height is above average. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He gets horny all the time, who can blame him on that but he really only needs to go once maybe twice a week because he likes to make sure that he can do it right and that you both are left breathless. If you’re ever in the mood he literally cannot say no, he teases you like there’s no tomorrow and makes you blush a lot first but like you just make him feel all sorts of ways and he has to please his girl 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If it is after a full day of practice and everything he is asleep right after he’s taken care of you and gotten you what you need. He already was exhausted from a long day and this just wiped him out. If it wasn’t as long of a day he likes to make sure you fall asleep first and will stroke your hair and just watch you in awe that he has someone this amazing. 

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG199! ;_;

- That discussion was a lot, and raised a lot of interesting points, but wooftie did the beginning show characters going back to their bad reflexes out of habit and stress. Melanie and Jon were quick to get snappish at each other, and we know from MAG186 that Martin making tea is also his way of avoiding conflict:

(MAG186) ALSO MARTIN: We could. [SIGH] But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting, to actually help. But hey: we know all about that, am I right? MARTIN: There’s nothing wrong with comforting people. ALSO MARTIN: A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster; at worst… a muzzle.

So the fact that the sequence began with Martin asking about tea?

(MAG199) MELANIE: … So… ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. [UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE] MARTIN: Anyone want another cup of tea? [SOMETHING WOODEN SCRAPES ACROSS TUNNEL FLOOR] Well, heh, I say “tea”, it’s har– GEORGIE: We can’t keep putting it off. We need to talk about this. About what we’re going to do.

Aouch. (I wonder where the tea came from: from the London supermarket? Or were those the bags he had packed before leaving the Scotland cabin?)

- Meanwhile, Basira was providing out-of-the-box ideas or possibilities and Georgie acted a bit like a debate mediator, laying options down and trying to keep things on track. I’m especially glad that she was the one to point out that there were actually three options, counting inaction (letting the world slowly die out) as one, since, as she pointed out, she had felt guilty for not having helped Jon back in season 4 – she had told him so, she had to reexplain to Melanie again this episode.

- Although he had begun the season correcting Martin about Elias actually being “Jonah”, Jon mainly used “Elias” to refer to him this season, until they reached London and he was oscillating between the two. But since Jon told Elias Bouchard (the real one)’s statement, it’s been “Jonah” without hesitation, to the point that he corrected Georgie about it:

(MAG193) ARCHIVIST: I could kill his body, sever the link, break The Eye’s power, and… Jonah Magnus would die.

(MAG194) ARCHIVIST: Look. Right, when I said that I would “replace” Jonah in there, that’s not… I m– … That place, the centre of The Eye, i–it’s… it wasn’t made for him.

(MAG197) ARCHIVIST: I see. Destroy the Panopticon, and you release its power. Kill Jonah, and you cut the connection between the Fears and the world.

(MAG198) ARCHIVIST: Had a blazing row? MARTIN: I, uh… eh… Yeah, that. BASIRA: What? ARCHIVIST: About what we should do with Jonah. With… the Panopticon. BASIRA: Oh, about whether you should, uh…?

(MAG199) GEORGIE: One. We follow Annabelle’s plan. We destroy the Panopticon, kill Elias– ARCHIVIST: Jonah– GEORGIE: Whatever– ARCHIVIST: –Magnus.

It feels like knowing about the real Elias helped Jon distinguish the two, since he could now put a story and a personality on “Elias”?

(I’m still laughing a bit that Jon had to be That Person and interrupt Georgie. Not the point, not the moment, Jon.)

- Overall, I like how we could clearly see what was prioritised by everyone amongst the options they explored and how they approached the problem. Basically, the unknown factors came to whether other worlds were already impacted by the Fears or not, and whether the Fears would contaminate all of them or just a portion, which led to a few scenarios showing what they feared and hoped for the most:

-> Keeping the Fears in their world and sacrificing it in the process: hoping that the Fears were intrinsically tied to this world in particular, that this option would mean their absolute annihilation, and fearing that other worlds getting contaminated by them would lead to these other worlds experiencing their own apocalypse, thus perpetuating a cycle they could have stopped.

-> Throwing the Fears into other worlds to save their own: hoping that the Fears already existed in other worlds, that it would only impact some amongst an infinity of worlds, and fearing that sacrificing their world would be a pointless sacrifice if the Fears happen to exist elsewhere anyway.

Jon was behind the first plan, with a few variations (offering to accelerate the death process if necessary… which, indeed, was chilling, and Basira’s firm opposition against actively contributing to people’s murder was very necessary, but made sense as an option if the scenario was to doom this world). The others federated for the second with various priorities: Basira sounded like she could have accepted the sacrifice of this world if it came with the certainty that it would eradicate the Fears everywhere (but they do not have that certainty), while Melanie insisted on people’s own responsibility when it came to bringing around an apocalypse and the fact that hypotheticals could go both ways, while Georgie seemed more receptive to what would happen to this world for sure vs. the unknown in other universes, while Martin was refusing Jon’s option to take Jonah’s place and was receptive to other ideas. From Georgie&Melanie, there was the additional fact that they had recently witnessed the survivors, who trusted them and were under their protection, getting snatched away without them being able to do anything; from an emotional point of view, it might have pushed them to… do something, anything, that could indeed save people, while they hadn’t been able to be active until now.

* I really like that Basira was the one to point out and reiterate how unfair it was of them to take this decision, that they ultimately were very privileged compared to the main victims, trying to find ways to get people involved in the process. It does feel like she’s learned during the journey…

* Jon’s voice (weary, miserable) when he explained that he already knew what people wanted, and that it was for their suffering “to stop”, broke my heart into pieces ;_;

* Martin’s main argument (“I’d rather live the rest of my life lying awake wondering if I made the right choice, over… lying awake listening to the screams of everyone on Earth being tortured!” really echoed what had happened with Annabelle on their journey to Hill Top Road: that he couldn’t help making additional stops to relieve people’s suffering for a bit, and that he briefly lamented Salesa’s death despite Annabelle pointing out that he had made victims, since Martin “didn’t know them”. Martin reacts more strongly to what’s in front of him, uh…

* Georgie felt very End-touched this episode? “until the end”, “towards the end”, just like Beholding avatars had occasionally been punning about their patron…

* Melanie, sayer of “fuck” /o/

(MAG131) MELANIE: Oooh, fuck off?!

(MAG199) MELANIE: But if you think that’s all I care about here, then frankly you can fuck off out my tunnels on your high horse.

Jon still in the lead with four over the course of the series, we’ll see if anyone else takes the lead with MAG200…

- Overall: what was the most striking was how, at this point, Jon was indeed too disillusioned to hope for any possible positive outcome. They all made good points, about what they knew and didn’t know, about the worst and best cases scenarios – but from Jon’s point of view, it feels like the guilt has been heavy enough already, and that he couldn’t stand to add to it anymore.

(And ;; It’s especially cruel that he stuck to his line of trusting the others, that he shared the information with the others and counted on them to make a collective decision… but that he was the only discordant voice in the end. That was the risk! And it just cruelly (for him) turned out this way.)

- Amongst the points that weren’t mentioned, I’m curious that the followings didn’t come up:

* They barely talked about The Web or Jonah as, well, being the main factors resulting in the current apocalypse – as the people who wanted it to happen and worked for it. They all were ready to take the blame but… the apocalypse wouldn’t have happened if The Web hadn’t wanted to control its escape by backing up Jonah to make it happen, and if Jonah hadn’t worked for it. Yeeting the Fears into other worlds also means yeeting The Web, who now knows for sure how an apocalypse can happen, which means it will search for a crack to widen as its next escape pod as soon as it arrives somewhere else, thus repeating the cycle probably much more faster…?

* They all seem confident that once the Fears leave, they’ll be gone forever. But Gerry had raised the point in front of Jon that nobody can tell really which came first, if the Fears originated from people or caused their fears. What if the problem in the TMA world is that the Fears are produced by people – what if they would be recreated as soon as they leave (especially now that people are left traumatised and hurt)?

* They weren’t sure whether the other worlds would be very similar to theirs (“Assuming time even works the same in different dimensions.”) but… the two examples of people crossing the Hill Top Road line had come from very familiar worlds: Anya’s was almost identical (except that there was no Magnus Institute in hers – maybe no Jonah Magnus at all?) and Eowa was killed by the same army he had tried to flee. The examples both Jon and Martin read about felt really similar to their world; those could be drops in the bucket, but still…

* There was absolutely no mention of the people they lost in the course of the series. It’s a strange feeling, because when it came to it, their conclusions seem pretty disconnected from everything that had happened to them, to the point that Melanie could blurt out “We all lived with monsters in the shadows, and we just got on with it.” without being countered by anyone – although it was the most obvious lie ever (and Melanie had to be aware of it, given how she blinded herself to escape The Eye). Melanie knows in detail how her father suffered because of The Corruption at Ivy Meadows before dying. Georgie lost Alex and her ability to feel fear. Basira had to hunt and kill Daisy after she got lost to The Hunt. Jon was traumatised as kid, witnessed Helen Richardson getting taken by Michael in front of him; Martin was preyed on and groomed for The Lonely for months by Peter; Jon&Martin both lost Tim and Sasha. They know how damaging the Fears can be even at the lurking stage. I wouldn’t have been surprised if, even taking this into account, they’d still have gone with the plan to yeet the Fears (since in the best case scenario, Fears would already be present in other worlds anyway, or whatever inhabits them would be insulated to them), I’m just surprised that the topic of the people they have lost didn’t come up as a potential counter-argument, especially since we’re at the end of this journey.

- Oh gods, Jon leaving for a smoke…

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: Fine. I’m going for a cigarette. [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS] [CLICK.]

… sounded like a very bad omen, given how las time he had left people alone to smoke, it had gone, uh, pipe-murderly:

(MAG080) ARCHIVIST: I’m going to have a cigarette. Don’t… [DOOR OPENS] Don’t. [DOOR CLOSES]

Surprised that nothing bad happened when he left; if it had been at the end of an episode, I would have panicked for a week about the Watchers coming back for the others while Jon was away.

- It was the first time we’ve heard Jon smoke on tape! We knew he did thanks to a few mentions (him announcing his cigarette break to Leitner in MAG080, the fact that Daisy had found Silk Cuts in his bag in MAG091, when he had tried to give a cigarette to Gerry in MAG111) but we hadn’t heard him taking a smoke.

* … How long has Jon carried these cigarettes? Did they come from before the Change, did Jon restock at Salesa’s, did he get some from Leitner’s stashes of stuff? Or does his own stock never truly deplete, The Web providing an infinite supply of cigarettes just like the recorders keep spawning?

* We could hear the whirring sounds and the drones, Georgie joked about an “indoor smoking ban”, Jon commented he could think better here, we heard Georgie climbing stairs to reach him, so I’m guessing he was at the bottom of the tower? I like how this scene managed to feel nostalgic despite of it, with Jon being somewhere between inside and outside and hiding for a smoke – we don’t know for sure where he used to go to smoke, but Gertrude had mentioned the Institute has a courtyard.

* And just the location highlighted Jon’s situation: not “human” enough anymore to be in the tunnels, but refusing to embrace what is at the top of the tower. So, alone in that in-between.

- Gods, the Georgie and Jon scene began so adorably?

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: [LONG EXHALATION] GEORGIE: You do know there’s an indoor smoking ban, right? ARCHIVIST: They’ll make an exception for me…! GEORGIE: [FAINT CHUCKLE] ARCHIVIST: Besides, I can’t really think down there. [DRAG ON CIGARETTE] That’s not true, I can, it’s just… exhausting. Puts me in a foul mood. [INHALE] It’s better up here, close to The Eye. Thoughts come quicker. GEORGIE: … If it’s any consolation, you seemed pretty on the ball earlier. ARCHIVIST: It isn’t really but… thank you.

Friendly exes! It really took me back to the familiar bantering they shared in season 3 – except that, back then, Jon was trying to hide what was truly happening to him, and this time around, Jon was shown more open and direct about what was on his mind.

- Again, I love and hate what the scene said and showed, reminding us that… even if the plan they have chosen goes accordingly, Jon won’t be okay, as Jon had explained to Martin:

(MAG181) ARCHIVIST: Uh, these last few days I–I’ve been… getting weaker. Dizzy spells, vagueness, you’ve seen it. Being cut off from the Eye, i–it’s not good for me. MARTIN: Yeah, but if… [INHALE] If you’re that connected, that… dependent, what happens if we actually, y’know, do manage to– ARCHIVIST: We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I just need us to be moving on.

(MAG191) MARTIN: … Jon. If… When we defeat The Eye, the Fears… What happens to you? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: Nothing good. I think it depends on what actually happens. […] If, however, we… find a way to destroy or, uh… eliminate the Powers… I’m not going to be okay. There’s… too much of me that’s part of The Eye now. I don’t… know what would be left of me without it. Maybe I just… die. Maybe I survive, but I–I lose… something. My identity? My mind? My… memories? I don’t know.

(MAG197) ANNABELLE: Most would simply lose whatever power they have been gifted. Jon would lose much of himself, the parts of him that are The Eye. But he would survive. And perhaps, more importantly, he would remain who he believes himself to be. [TAPE SQUEALS]

His moment of rest consists of coming up under Beholding’s radar again; but if they succeed, there won’t be that anymore. At best, Jon would be like he was in the tunnels, at worse, he would wither away like he did at Salesa’s, losing grasp on his memory and unable to focus. It wasn’t mentioned as a factor in their discussion (Martin and Jon had already covered this privately earlier in the season, after all), but it’s likely not something Jon has forgotten.

- Oh GODS, Georgie, no!!

(MAG199) GEORGIE: … Can I have a cigarette? ARCHIVIST: [AMUSED SNORT] … Sure. [PASSING ONE OVER]

(MAG001) ARCHIVIST: “I picked myself up as best I could, checked I hadn’t seriously injured myself, no broken bones or anything, and decided to roll a cigarette to calm myself.  That was when I heard it. [STATIC RISES] “Can I have a cigarette?” [STATIC FADES]”

Given Jon’s reaction, he had picked up on it. You either die an Archivist, or you live long enough to see yourself become the Anglerfish’s victim.

- Georgie used to smoke, and Jon knew that about her! They might have been smoking together as students, given Jon’s official chronology regarding smoking?

(MAG080) ARCHIVIST: I’m going to have a cigarette. Don’t… [DOOR OPENS] Don’t. […] Sorry, I’ve been quit for five years now, but th– [STUNNED SILENCE] … Oh. Oh god… I need to… Uh… I need to, um… [TRAILS OF ALMOST INCOHERENTLY]

MAG080 had taken place in February 2017, so five years ago was 2012, which is roughly when Jon joined the Institute (in MAG051, he had mentioned “One of [his] first cases as a researcher for the Institute in 2012”). Although, well. Jon saying that he had “been quit for five years” wasn’t super convincing when he apparently had cigarettes on him at that moment, but it’s a bit difficult to guess when Jon went back to smoking in the series (Elias’s “He’s not smoking again, is he?” in MAG039 could have been referring to him knowing that Jon used to smoke, or to Jon having started again as soon as he got the lighter; and Tim’s “I don’t mean like ‘sneaking a cigarette’ bad” in MAG079 could have been a random example, or referring to the fact that Jon was indeed having cigarette breaks in season 2 and not being super subtle about it).

- Aouch about the theme of shattering illusions and your heroes being people above all:

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: I thought you quit? GEORGIE: I did! For my health. But… it’s already the apocalypse so… I’ll need a light too. ARCHIVIST: Yeah. [LIGHTER SNICKS OPEN] [GEORGIE LIGHTS UP] GEORGIE: I tried to avoid it in the tunnels, when we had our, uh… When the others were here. […] ARCHIVIST: You didn’t want to tarnish the image of the prophets? GEORGIE: Just didn’t think they wanted one of their “revered leaders” puffing away in the corner. ARCHIVIST: [MURMURS AN ASSENT] GEORGIE: Saw a bishop smoking once when I was a kid, full Easter regalia and all. Really weirded me out.

The comparison hurt a bit by likening the survivors in the tunnels to… children who can’t really tell decorum apart from reality, but there sure was an interesting theme of Georgie being aware of how she was seen, and trying to not hurt the survivors while at the same time indirectly feeding their perception of her as “holy”.

- Okay, so. Probably what felt the biggest, most important thing in this episode was… Georgie taking the lighter, how it happened, and whether or not it will be narratively relevant.

(MAG199) GEORGIE: … Can I have a cigarette? ARCHIVIST: [AMUSED SNORT] … Sure. [PASSING ONE OVER] I thought you quit? GEORGIE: I did! For my health. But… it’s already the apocalypse so… I’ll need a light too. ARCHIVIST: Yeah. [LIGHTER SNICKS OPEN] [GEORGIE LIGHTS UP] GEORGIE: I tried to avoid it in the tunnels, when we had our, uh… When the others were here. [LIGHT METALLIC SOUND] Nice lighter. [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Hmm? [STATIC FADES] […] I should probably quit myself, then. [LIGHT METALLIC SOUND] GEORGIE: Then, you won’t mind if I hang onto this? [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: [DISTRACTED] Hmm. [STATIC FADES] GEORGIE: … I’m sorry. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] GEORGIE: I know you hate what we’re doing.

* Static when people mention the lighter and Jon not being able to focus on it is far from new:

(MAG111) GERARD: Nice lighter. You a spider freak, then? ARCHIVIST: What? Oh! Er, n–no. I–I, I never really, uh… I never really thought of it. I–I’m Jon. I’m with the Magnus Institute. … I–I’m the Archivist.

(MAG136) DAISY: [SCOFF] She’s… Web. Spider’s sneaky like that. [PAUSE] Like that lighter you’re always using. Where’d you get that? ARCHIVIST: Mm. [STATIC RISES] Good point. We should keep our eyes open. [STATIC FADES] Anyway, how’s Basira doing?

(MAG162) MARTIN: You said this place, the–the cabin was… [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] It, it’s feeding on us, right? ARCHIVIST: Yes… MARTIN: … So should we… destroy it, before we go? […] We’re not even gonna try? We, we’ve got your lighter, maybe we could just– ARCHIVIST: We can’t fight the world, Martin.

(MAG197) ANNABELLE: And it just so happens that the perfect tool was once delivered to you as a token of appreciation. Though you really do need to learn to keep better care of it. Somehow, it always seems to slip your mind, doesn’t it? ARCHIVIST: What…? BASIRA: Jon, it’s that stupid lighter of yours. ARCHIVIST: [INDIGNANT] My what? I… [STATIC RISES] [PULLS THE GOLD LIGHTER WITH EMBOSSED SPIDERWEB FROM POCKET AND FLICKS IT OPEN] Oh? … Oh. [STATIC FADES]

What is surprising is that it still happened even after Annabelle pointed out the purpose of the lighter. If Jon is supernaturally compelled to not pay attention to it (by The Web, to ensure it stays with Jon? By Beholding, out of self-preservation, like it tried to push Jon away from Eric’s tape that explained how to quit the Archives?), how the heck was Annabelle expecting him to use it in the tunnels to explode the Archives with the gas main?

* At the end of the episode, the others explained how they would proceed, and it’s presented as a given that Jon wouldn’t be in the tunnel team – but rather, that he would go with Martin, despite being unnecessary since Martin would take care of the Jonah murder. It’s rather strange that the others didn’t ask for the lighter directly, but that Georgie took it in the flow of the conversation and in a way Jon barely noticed… as if she wanted to take hold of it sneakily because it was necessary that Jon didn’t really notice. Plus, as was explained, Melanie is supposed to be the last person standing to ignite the gas main: Basira is supposed to be a planned distraction, and Georgie is a back-up distraction in case things go sour. If the point was to get the lighter for the gas main, then Melanie should have been the one to get hold of it.

(* It’s additionally rather strange that Georgie said she had “tried to avoid it in the tunnels” when the survivors were around, implying it was a conscious choice but she might have been smoking outside when patrolling with Melanie… yet had to ask Jon for a cigarette and for a light, as if she didn’t have these things on her.)

Overall, I see three options:

* Total coincidence, red herring, Georgie just didn’t take her own lighter along because she wasn’t planning on smoking.

* Since the beginning of the episode implied that Jon&Martin&Basira had given a complete recap of what had happened to Hill Top Road before the tape recorder clicked on, Georgie took the lighter on purpose to free Jon from The Web’s potential influence. She hasn’t gone back to smoking during the apocalypse; she lied about it to lower Jon’s guard by telling a convincing story, given that Jon knew she used to smoke. Likely meaning that Georgie&Melanie&Martin&Basira have another plan in Jon’s back, but couldn’t share with him due to both the tape recorders and Jon’s connection to Beholding – if Jon knows something, then Beholding might be knowing about it too.

* It’s… actually an End thing. There was a feeling of finality when Georgie took the lighter, as if she might be taking a step that would irrevocably lead to her own death? (“The moment that you die will feel exactly the same as this one.”) She said the exact same thing (“Nice lighter.”) as Gerry, who was dead when he said it; she took the lighter for a dangerous mission; she pointed out her own regrets due to her inaction, and was the one to mention that they had to pay the cost, whatever it was, for this plan to succeed. I don’t know, I got the impression that things might be slotting into place, that her own mechanism had set into motion – that things in the tunnels will go awry, and that she won’t make it out.

- Overall, I like the different approaches characters had about their own guilt and Jon’s in this episode:

(MAG199) GEORGIE: … I’m sorry. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] GEORGIE: I know you hate what we’re doing. ARCHIVIST: I hate all the options, I just… It’s all my fault, you know? GEORGIE: What, because you weren’t able to outsmart the literal embodiment of manipulation and scheming? ARCHIVIST: Mmm. GEORGIE: We all make bad choices, Jon. It’s not your fault some eldritch horror decided yours were going– ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] GEORGIE: –to affect the whole world…! ARCHIVIST: They were still my choices. GEORGIE: … Yeah. And you live with them. Or you don’t. That’s all there is, really. ARCHIVIST: Hmm.

For Jon: what was the most apparent is that he was adamant about presenting what happened as his choices. It could be a remnant of Elia’s gaslighting about it (MAG092: “You never wanted this, no. But I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. In a hundred ways, at a hundred thresholds, you pressed on. You sought knowledge relentlessly, and you always chose to see. Our world is made of choices, Jon, and very rarely do we truly know what any of them mean. But we make them nonetheless.”), but also a sign that Jon had been struggling about (what he perceives to be) The Web’s hold on his life: if The Web had indeed manipulated him all his life, since he was eight, puppetting him like Francis or the kids at Ray’s house, then what is left of Jon? What is his, who is he? Jon clinging to his own guilt, his own responsibility, the idea that he made his own choices at every turn, might be his way to not fall into the other extreme, the idea that he has been nothing but the Web’s marionette all along and that he’s nothing without it.

It’s also striking that the others have told Jon that the apocalypse wasn’t truly his fault, that they knew Jon hadn’t wanted it, but that Jon redirected the blame on him every time anyway. Georgie tried two other approaches in quick succession: taking The Web into account, with the idea that Jon’s particularity was that he was preyed upon by it, that the consequences were only more dramatic than regular “bad choices” because something was planning to use them anyway; and then, something that resonated more strongly with Georgie’s own experience. As she told Jon, she had regrets about not helping him, felt like she had failed him and had contributed to the steps leading to this apocalypse: she knows what it is to carry that sort of guilt, although on a smaller scale. (And her last sentence felt… extremely End-touched, too.)

- The moment of Georgie introducing that Martin (“your next appointment”) was there and that it was her cue to leave was so sweet ;_; Jon’s ex to Jon’s current partner, and both Jon & Georgie being cool about each other’s new partner in their lives…

- And gooods, Jon&Martin’s conversation ;_;

(MAG199) GEORGIE: He’s all yours. MARTIN: Thanks. [GEORGIE’S FOOTSTEPS DESCEND AND FADE] … You all right? ARCHIVIST: Yeah. Sorry it got so heated in there. MARTIN: Don’t be. I’d have been more worried if you were super calm about it. ARCHIVIST: Yeah. MARTIN: … I’d understand if you hate me right now. ARCHIVIST: What? No! No, Martin, I love you. I always will, and I know you love me too, I mean… [SIGH] That’s it, isn’t it? That’s… the real core of it. You want to save me. MARTIN: I want you to save yourself.

* The fact that Martin was ready and understanding that Jon might hate him for the option Martin defended, that he was expecting Jon to hate him for it, and that he still stuck to it… Oh, Martin… (It’s not the first time a Magnus moment made me think of the When They Cry series but… this one was peak Federika’s poem: “Don’t be sad. The world may not forgive you, but I do. / Don’t be sad. You may not forgive the world, but I forgive you. / Tell me. What must I do to earn your forgiveness?”)

* So many “I love you” coming from Jon this season…

(MAG161) MARTIN: I’m sorry. ARCHIVIST: No, it’s– [SIGH] I love you, I just… I need more time.

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: “The screams may linger on the distant breeze, and your eye may wander beyond the curtains from time to time, but you and the one you love are, it seems… safe. […] There within the thing that pretends to be a cabin is the one you love. […] The one you love is always near, so close that refuge sometimes feels a prison.”

(MAG183) MARTIN: … I’m sure I love you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: I love you too. [FABRIC RUSTLES] Let’s go.

(MAG191) MARTIN: … I promise. I love you, Jon. ARCHIVIST: [FOND HUFF] I love you too.

(MAG199) MARTIN: … I’d understand if you hate me right now. ARCHIVIST: What? No! No, Martin, I love you. I always will, and I know you love me too, I mean…

I really wasn’t expecting it when season 4 ended, and yet!! Jon has been so soft and open about it with Martin this season…

* I really like the nuance Martin insisted on, that he mostly wished that Jon would want to save “himself” – it’s not necessarily that Martin is right about it but… from his point of view, he might still be suspecting that Jon is still pretty much self-destructive (although in indirect ways), as Daisy had pointed out in season 4, and that his way of engaging in dangerous missions is still tainted with guilt, with the idea that he has to compensate for something:

(MAG142) DAISY: Not like there’s… “normal” trauma, you know? But it’s pretty common. The most important thing becomes control, engaging on your own terms. Even when it’s stupid or dangerous. Anything to not feel helpless. MARTIN: Oh, god… DAISY: And of course, for Jon, there’s survivor’s guilt in there, too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive. MARTIN: Yeah, well. We’ve all had trauma. DAISY: And everyone’s changed.

(And gods. Maybe the problem this season for Jon is that Daisy wasn’t there anymore to at least point out these things. She hadn’t really managed to take Jon’s mind off of it (and he hadn’t opened up enough with her to confess that he had been attacking people) but she might have been able to lay it out, at least, if she had been there…)

- I’m really glad about the contrast between Jon and Martin when thinking about hypothetical scenarios!

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: … Sometimes… I imagine if none of this had happened. If we had just… met. Been together, w–without… all of this. MARTIN: [SOFTLY] Me too. … But we wouldn’t have, would we? Been together, I mean. ARCHIVIST: Huh? W–what do you mean? MARTIN: Well…! We had that, didn’t we? Almost a year of just working a normal job together and… you hated me. ARCHIVIST: I didn’t “hate” you. MARTIN: No–no, no, no, I listened to those tapes. At one point, you explicitly said you’d be fine with me being chopped up by that old jigsaw lady. ARCHIVIST: Oh, god, Angela! Ha! She’s still about, you know? Lording it over a nasty little Flesh domain. Anyway, I didn’t explicitly say it, I… implied it. MARTIN: Face it, Jon, it took almost two years of crisis and trauma to even make us compatible.

* Jon truly is the romantic in that relationship.

* I’m very glad for Martin pointing out that he remembers how Jon used to treat him, and that he doesn’t really believe that they could have gotten together without the circumstances they experienced. I don’t think we’re meant to take Martin’s words exactly at face value (the circumstances allowed them to open up to each other and get closer, they didn’t necessarily turn them into whole other human beings), but it makes sense that, from his perspective… it’s hard to romanticise the past:

(MAG014) ARCHIVIST: I sent Martin to look into this “Angela” character, not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

Jon was absolutely awful to him back then, and ranting about him on tapes was textbook workplace bullying since he knew the tapes were semi-public (as in MAG032, Tim reported to him that researchers and students had been pointing out mistakes in his recordings). Off-tape, just from Martin’s point of view, we know that it was so pervasive that he remembered about it when left alone, tormented by his worst memories and feelings:

(MAG170) MARTIN: … Oh, I, I met someone! Did I tell you? He’s… [SHUFFLING] I, I don’t know. I like him. He doesn’t like me, though. Not really. I don’t blame him. I don’t like me sometimes, and I am me! Plus, he’s… he’s my, my boss? Is that right? [CREAKING] Ei–either way. It’s probably for the best? Wouldn’t really be appropriate, eh…!

(MAG186) ALSO MARTIN: Or… does it just keep paralysing us, make us shrink back and wait, hoping things work out? Like with Jon when we thought the worms had got him. MARTIN: Hey, to be fair, he still kind of hated me back then. I’m really not sure it would have been the best time to take my shot. ALSO MARTIN: … Fair. He was projecting hard.

Season 1 is not a time Martin would be eager to go back to, because it’s when Jon was at his worst against him (and Martin lived in fear of his fake CV being discovered), while for Jon… it was before Prentiss attacking the Institute, before his scars and before losing Sasha. It makes sense that Martin would want to defend what they got, to defend this world over others, given that from his point of view, it might be the only configuration possible that made his relationship with Jon possible – which, once again: might not be necessarily the truth, but makes sense from Martin’s point of view.

* Though, Martin, sweetie, the “normal job” included you getting besieged by Prentiss for two weeks and having to eat canned peaches. It’s never really been a “normal” job.

- Jon lightening up at the mention of Angela and immediately infodumping about how she was doing was so bittersweet to me, since it emphasised (once again) how deep Jon is in the Fears’ society by now. Those are familiar names, familiar figures, doing terrible things, but it still feels like his own universe when he mentions them, when he explains what he knows about them. Once again, it makes me wonder what will be left of him once all those things are just… gone.

- Martin listened to so many tapes, uh?

(MAG142) MARTIN: I listened to your old statement. Wasn’t your partner down there? DAISY: Yeah. Didn’t find him.

(MAG188) MARTIN: Plus, I… I was a little bit jealous as, well. ARCHIVIST: Of what? MARTIN: Of Helen. Well, the, the real Helen. I found the tape when you were on the run and… I don’t know. Something about the way you two seemed to connect when she came in. ARCHIVIST: [HUFF] Before she was eaten by a door. MARTIN: Well, yeah. It certainly seemed to have a pretty deep impact on you.

(MAG199) MARTIN: No–no, no, no, I listened to those tapes. At one point, you explicitly said you’d be fine with me being chopped up by that old jigsaw lady.

He listened to the one involving Angela (MAG014), to Helen’s statement (MAG047), to the events that got Daisy section’d (MAG061) – that last one being even more interesting since it explicitly mentioned that Basira&Daisy were giving Jon the tapes, which means it was from the stash Jon was recording secretly. I’m back to fearing a bit about Martin as a back-up Archivist: he used to read statements and to take a few live ones, Annabelle made him read her statement in MAG197, he’s been listening to tapes… just like Jon.

- Martin has been good at finding loopholes in mutual promises:

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] That’s very sweet of you, Martin. Sort of. … Thank you. MARTIN: Wherever you go, I go. That’s it. ARCHIVIST: You promised to let me go, if I had to. MARTIN: And you promised not to go if there was any other choice. And there is. So that’s the deal. ARCHIVIST: … That’s the deal.

Martin said that he wouldn’t “doom the world” over Jon: he’s still respecting that in a way by prioritising Jon and this peculiar world (and as the others had pointed out earlier, they weren’t sure whether their actions would doom others or not).

I’m super afraid about that “Wherever you go, I go” which sounds like something that could suddenly come to a stop. Martin had pointed out multiple times that he was “following” Jon (MAG170: “I was following, al–always following, never leading; never leading.”), but recent episodes have operated a bit differently – Jon didn’t follow Martin to his domain, respecting Martin’s wish to confront it alone, and Jon followed him to Hill Top Road. At this point, Jon has been following Martin, too…

- I got a first impression of Martin’s words before understanding that it could actually be referring to multiple things:

(MAG199) MARTIN: I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? [SAD CHUCKLING] I try, but I can’t actually imagine… ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you. And it… It hurts to know you can.

At first, I thought Martin was saying that he felt like Jon would be ready to sacrifice Martin or his relationship with him for a greater good, while Martin definitely couldn’t (as he pointed out to Also Martin, his limit would probably be to sacrifice Jon), but… it could also be a reference to Jon’s self-hatred, the fact that Jon would sacrifice himself so easily. In that case, it’s a bit hypocritical of Martin indeed (since he had told Also Martin that he was ready to sacrifice himself too), but I still feel like there might be a difference between the two – Martin would do it to save the world or Jon (or to not live on the pain of his domain’s victims), while Jon… would likely do it out of self-hatred and because he feels like it’s his responsibility to make up for the apocalypse.

- The contrast between Georgie’s scene and this, when Jon finally broke ;_;

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: I hate all the options, I just… It’s all my fault, you know? GEORGIE: What, because you weren’t able to outsmart the literal embodiment of manipulation and scheming? ARCHIVIST: Mmm. GEORGIE: We all make bad choices, Jon. It’s not your fault some eldritch horror decided yours were going– ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] GEORGIE: –to affect the whole world…! ARCHIVIST: They were still my choices. GEORGIE: … Yeah. And you live with them. Or you don’t. That’s all there is, really. ARCHIVIST: Hmm. […] You didn’t damn the world, Martin. MARTIN: [SIGH] We all– ARCHIVIST: [HARSH] No! “We all” nothing! I… I’m the one who caused all of this, that’s just the truth of it! I’m the one whose whole life has been nothing but one – long – setup – to this. MARTIN: Jon… ARCHIVIST: [WITH SADNESS] You didn’t speak the words! You didn’t feel them move through you, vomiting out of you like…! [SHAKY BREATHING] … I did this. It’s my fault. And I don’t want… I can’t let anyone else feel that, that… helpless, enormous guilt. Ever.

Both Georgie and Martin beginning by “We all”, but Jon’s reaction being so hugely different when he heard it for the second time.

* I wanted Jon to have a breakdown, I got the breakdown, I’m still sad about it ;_;

* Jon had been very susceptible to the rhetoric of being “chosen”: he had wondered about it in season 3 and 4, until Jonah had concluded that if Jon had been “chosen” in any way, it was by him when he decided that Jon’s Web mark made him prime for his plan and that it was mostly just due to Jon’s “own rotten luck”. It might have been easier to swallow for a while, technically, until Annabelle reactivated all those fears about being “chosen” but from even longer – since childhood, since he was eight, since he was just a kid who just survived a Fear encounter. I do feel like there was a lot of bullshit in what Annabelle told him, in the way she framed it; she had also told Martin that a web couldn’t be “precious about a single strand” and I feel like it was more likely that there were multiple potential Jons, or that The Web had already tried to get someone (Gertrude? Her assistants, with Emma pushing them into danger?) marked and prime for the final ritual. But Jon has been very vulnerable to the idea that there could be something wrong inherent to him, that things he had no power over had to be his fault somehow, such as not being able to rescue his bully, or Sasha getting killed by the Not!Them, or the apocalypse (while he had more trouble accepting his own blame for things he was directly responsible for).

* I was wondering recently if Jon might have finally accepted that he wasn’t responsible for the apocalypse, that it was Jonah’s fault (since he hadn’t mentioned it for a long while at this point) but… nop. He didn’t really change his mind about it since the start of the season, just got better at hiding it:

(MAG161) MARTIN: Jon, it’s not your fault… ARCHIVIST: Martin, can we not do this again. MARTIN: Sorry. ARCHIVIST: I’m just… I’m mourning a world I killed…! MARTIN: I know… ARCHIVIST: And we’re all trapped in its rotting corpse…!

* ;_; My heart broke when Jon recalled the experience of reading Jonah’s letter, and how traumatising the mere action was. We could hear him struggle and try to stop speaking in MAG160, and yet the letter was following its course…

* Just like with The Web’s clutch on him yet Jon still defending that he made those “bad choices”, it’s heartbreaking how Jon seems to be stuck on the paradox of being conscious that he couldn’t stop reading the letter, that something awful was done to him, yet still defends that it’s his fault and his responsibility. Jonah was barely mentioned this episode (and not as the man who chose to unleash that apocalypse), but he was still… very present in the multiple ways he fucked Jon over.

* It’s extremely sad that their current plan requires to trample on precisely the thing Jon didn’t and doesn’t want (to inflict what he experienced over someone else)… and yet, as sad it is, it also needs to be seen in the whole situation. Is guilt the worst thing that someone can experience? What about the people currently being tortured in their domains? (Or is there something coming up, such as Jon’s guilt being one aspect of his “domain” all along?)

* But still. Sobbing over the fact that Jon didn’t even blurt out out that he couldn’t allow anyone else to be hurt and fucked over by another Jonah like he was, but that the worst thing, for him, still was this “helpless, enormous guilt”. Not the pain, not the constant anguish, not the people he lost, but the guilt of having been used to end the world.

- There have been a few mentions revolving around Jon’s voice lately:

(MAG197) ARCHIVIST: As far as I can tell. I–it’s hard to s–… If I look too closely at them, my own voice, things get… recursive. Hard to follow. […] ANNABELLE: [CHUCKLING] I am sorry you find them irritating! They’re a side effect of the very specific way this web has been spun. I thought you liked his voice? MARTIN: I do when it’s his voice. I’ve never liked the statements. It always felt… Yeah. ANNABELLE: Well… you can trust me when I say you’ll be hearing his real voice very soon. […] We found the one we believed most likely to bring about their manifestation. We marked him young, guided his path as best we could. And then, we took his voice. ARCHIVIST: No… ANNABELLE: His, and those he walked with. We inscribed them on shining strands of word and meaning, and used them to weave a web which cast itself out through the gate and beyond our universe. So that when the Fears heard that voice, and came in their terrible glory, they might then travel out along it. [TAPE SQUEALS] Or be dragged.

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: [WITH SADNESS] You didn’t speak the words! You didn’t feel them move through you, vomiting out of you like…! [SHAKY BREATHING] … I did this.

And once again, there was the “For the silence” coin Albrecht discovered in the tomb of what was likely to be an old Archivist. Whatever happens in MAG200, I wonder if Jon won’t lose his voice in the process? Wouldn’t be the worst thing and, anyway, he will lose his voice symbolically with the end of the podcast (even in the case where he wouldn’t be straight up dying) but… I don’t know. The end of the episode had Jon exceptionally withdrawn and silent while the others discussed, so it already felt like he was falling “silent” in a way, and I wonder if he’ll lose his voice in a more literal way during the crisis, especially if the Fears are following “his voice”…

- Martin was so soft… and the Fabric Rustled again.

(MAG158) MARTIN: I see… [INHALE] I see you, Jon. [BREATHLESS CHUCKLE] [PRESENT, ECHO FADES] I see you…! ARCHIVIST: Oh, Martin… [FABRIC RUSTLES] MARTIN: I w–I was on my own…! I was all on my own…

(Season 5 trailer) MARTIN: You know I’m here for you. ARCHIVIST: [LONG SIGH] … Yes. Yes I do. [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] MARTIN: All right. All right. ARCHIVIST: Thank you.

(MAG170) ARCHIVIST: [CLOSER] Oh! Martin, hold on, I–I–I’m coming, I just… [STATIC REACHING A PEAK] [FOOTSTEPS] Oh, Martin! Thank god, I, I was… I–I thought you were behind me. [FABRIC RUSTLES] MARTIN: I thought you’d left me behind…! Gone on without me.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: … I’m sorry. [SILENCE] MARTIN: [SIGH] It’s okay. I understand. [BAG JOSTLING] [FABRIC RUSTLES]

(MAG183) MARTIN: … I’m sure I love you. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: I love you too. [FABRIC RUSTLES] Let’s go.

(MAG187) ARCHIVIST: [GROGGY] Oh. Martin, good! [BAG JOSTLING] [FABRIC RUSTLES] MARTIN: Wh–, wh–wh–what happened? Th–th–there was the hotel and then…

(MAG191) MARTIN: No, I, I know, I know. I’m sorry, it’s okay. [SIGH] [FABRIC RUSTLES] ARCHIVIST: … Bad dream? […] Maybe I just… die. Maybe I survive, but I–I lose… something. My identity? My mind? My… memories? I don’t know. [FABRIC RUSTLES AS THEY EMBRACE] MARTIN: [LONG EXHALE]

(MAG197) ARCHIVIST: Martin! [FABRIC RUSTLES] MARTIN: … Oh god, I’m sorry, I– ARCHIVIST: It’s fine.

(MAG199) MARTIN: Hey. ARCHIVIST: [SNIFFS AS IF TEARING UP] MARTIN: Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here, come here. [FABRIC RUSTLES] ARCHIVIST: [SNIFFS] MARTIN: We’re going to fix it. ARCHIVIST: No…! [HUFF] … We’re just going to pass it on…! MARTIN: You don’t know that.

It might have for the last time ever…

- What was that sigh, Martin.

(MAG199) [SILENCE, AS THEY BOTH COMPOSE THEMSELVES] ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Come on. The others will be waiting. [SHUFFLING] [FOOTSTEPS DESCEND] MARTIN: [HEAVY SIGH] [CLICK.]

Was it “just” the sigh of knowing the current plan is making Jon miserable, or is it the sigh of someone who knows that something could comfort Jon, yet can’t share it with him yet…?

- Logistic of things in the next scene was that Jon&Martin came back to Georgie, who explained to them that Basira&Melanie had gone scouting, and the tape recorder clicked on when Basira&Melanie arrived:

(MAG199) [CLICK–] GEORGIE: I’m not sure, they said they were out– Oh, hey. [DOOR CREAKS, FOOTSTEPS ENTER] ARCHIVIST: There you are. I was getting worried. MELANIE: We were scouting. I was showing Basira where we think the gas mainline is. MARTIN: And? BASIRA: Not good. You know those Eye things? ARCHIVIST: The old Archivists? BASIRA: Yeah. I think they know something’s up. The place is crawling with them, it’s like they’re looking for something. MELANIE: Or patrolling. MARTIN: Hmm. GEORGIE: That’s why the stairs were unguarded? BASIRA: It looks that way.

* I’m still not sure what the point of the lighter is in relation to the tape recorders and The Web. Annabelle implied that the lighter had acted as a tracker or would act as a tracker (MAG197: “A little anchor of our power, so that we, and our tapes, may follow wherever you go.”) but we’ve had various examples showing that it wasn’t exclusively the case: the tape recorders had turned on and off in the Archives and in Elias’s office while Jon was away in season 3, they turned up around Martin and in Elias’s cell in season 4, one popped up to record Melanie&Georgie at the end of MAG191 while they were walking in London. What it might be able to do, however, is allow the tape recorders to reach places that should be insulated from other powers (such as within the Coffin, or when Jon was Nikola’s prisoner, or at Upton House)? I’m not sure. Anyway, Georgie took the lighter, has the lighter, and the next scene included Georgie, so I wonder if something will change in the POV of the action next episode, or if the team wasn’t suspecting that The Web still had another use for Jon.

* Why are the Archivists acting up? Is it because Beholding is getting impatient and wants Jon as its pupil? Is it because Beholding is sensing that something is threatening its position? Is it because Jon knows about the plan and the potentiality of Beholding losing its hold over this world, therefore allowing Beholding to know about it and making it react in self-defence? Are Jon’s own feelings about the plan influencing Beholding? Jon said that he didn’t feel like it could think but, if The Eye was indeed behind Jon’s difficulty to listen to Eric’s tape, that showed that it still has instincts and a capacity to try and protect itself.

- As mentioned above, I’m surprised that the last person standing to ignite the tunnels is supposed to be Melanie:

(MAG199) ARCHIVIST: So what’s the plan? MELANIE: I reckon me and Georgie go for the mainline, and hopefully they won’t notice us. GEORGIE: I’ll need a torch. They might notice that. BASIRA: I’ll give a diversion. I’ll try and draw them off. MELANIE: And if they see Georgie’s torch, we just go to Plan B. She becomes another distraction, and I go solo. GEORGIE: I don’t like the thought of you going on your own. MELANIE: And I don’t like the thought of you being chased by manky old archivists, but there it is. MARTIN: Okay. [EXHALE] So what are you going to do when you find it? GEORGIE: We’ve got some old tools. I guess we just… mess with it until we smell gas, and then… back off, set something burning and leg it. It can’t be that hard to break a valve.

… since Georgie had been the one to take the lighter, and didn’t present it as an element she would require in their plan. It’s possible that she’s going to give it over to Melanie and just retrieved the lighter for that goal but mmm, I’m still having doubts about it.

* I love Melanie’s “manky old Archivists”, I’m going to miss her so much ;_;

* … screaming a bit because GEORGIE, if you smell gas, it’s TOO LATE to ignite something without getting caught in the middle of an explosion…………. It’s gonna go very wrong, isn’t it.

* Sob, Melanie&Georgie had been resolute about doing something in MAG191, and Georgie still wanted to be careful about the old Archivists at the beginning of MAG192… but now, they’re really ready to risk everything, uh…

- Melanie was way more careful (and less confrontational) with Jon now that they had to establish the plan, and I wonder if Georgie asked her to tone it down or if Melanie made a conscious effort since they needed to pool their resources and collaborate? I’m really curious about Jon’s wording here:

(MAG199) MELANIE: … Jon, you’re sure about this whole gas main thing? It just seems… I don’t know, really mundane. ARCHIVIST: It’s what Annabelle said. And she wasn’t lying – at least, she didn’t think she was. BASIRA: Well, it’s a bit late for second-guessing.

Because what Annabelle thinks and the reality of things could be very different things. I’m still having some doubts about Oliver and her explaining how their patrons work and presenting them as Fears-that-can-think – it’s fitting in a way but… we also had examples of older avatars (Simon, Arthur) pointing out that they couldn’t guess what their patrons wanted except for some cravings. Something I could see is about the relation between avatars and their Fears (between humans and fears): the idea that the Fears might be… whatever people project on them, and them modelling themselves in turn. Could The End kill people in this world if Oliver wasn’t convinced that it could do it? Could The Web feel so omnipresent and powerful if Annabelle and Jon weren’t projecting their own fears on it?

- Georgie gave me so many red flags this episode…

(MAG199) GEORGIE: Well, we’ll do what we can but… this is it. Whatever it takes, right? If there’s a price, we pay it. No hesitations.

And that one was especially bad by itself, but it also echoed Gertrude’s last instructions to her potential successor:

(MAG161) GERTRUDE: You are entering a new world, a place I’ve lived for most of my life. A place… [SIGH] A place that will often demand a high price from you. Pay it without hesitation, because one way or another, the world is now on your shoulders.

Basically paraphrasing what Gertrude said? Bad sign. Baaad sign.

- There might have been a small misunderstanding between Melanie and Jon there ;;

(MAG199) MELANIE: Sure he can! Just magic-laser-eye zap him or whatever, same as with all the others. MARTIN: [SIGH] MELANIE: Like he did to Helen. ARCHIVIST: Listen, Melanie, I– MELANIE: It’s fine. If we all get out of this, we can talk it through, and, if not, well, it doesn’t really matter, does it? ARCHIVIST: I suppose not.

Since Jon had been unaware that Martin had broken the news to her already, and that Melanie already knew that Helen was bad news… but had learned from Basira that Melanie used to be close to her:

(MAG190) MELANIE:  Oh! Oh, I nearly forgot! Careful of Helen, if you see her. MARTIN: Mm? MELANIE: Uh, she turned up a while back and tried to eat Celia. MARTIN: She was here? MELANIE: Yes… A few times. [INHALE] Looking back, I was so stupid! MARTIN: Because you kind of liked her? MELANIE: Yes. Yes… Honestly, I had started to think she was on our side. MARTIN: Yeah. MELANIE: [SIGH] MARTIN: Jon killed her. MELANIE: [SPLUTTERING] Uh, sorry, what?! MARTIN: Yeah, she tried to– I wasn’t there, but they got into a standoff and he… he destroyed her. MELANIE: He can do that? MARTIN: Mm! MELANIE: Well! I mean that’s… that’s interesting to know.

(MAG195) ARCHIVIST: … I also killed Helen? BASIRA: Oh! Right. ARCHIVIST: Yeah… [CONSIDERED ROWING] BASIRA: Didn’t expect that. ARCHIVIST: She was dangerous. And not like the others out there. It was only going to be a matter of time before– BASIRA: No, no, I get it. Honestly, it’s kind of a relief. How did Melanie take it? ARCHIVIST: Melanie? BASIRA: Yeah, she and… she and Helen were pretty tight back when, uh… Oh… ARCHIVIST: What? BASIRA: Back when you were in your coma. ARCHIVIST: I see…! Well, I haven’t told her yet, so… I suppose I have that to look forward to when we get back.

So: from Melanie’s point of view, she used to be close to Helen but learned independently that Helen wasn’t her friend and was actually dangerous for them. From Jon’s point of view, Melanie used to be close with Helen and might have just learned that he had killed her (and might be sad about it). But Melanie was dry about it and it came as an accusation, which immediately made Jon defensive about it. They can’t really manage to interact without making a conscious effort to not rub the other the wrong way, uh…?

Cries, still, because they’ll never talk it through, uh. ;;

- I am REALLY concerned about Martin being adamant that Jon couldn’t be the one to kill Jonah because of the potential consequences…

(MAG199) MELANIE: And it’s hardly going to be a picnic for you either. You’re going up that tower to kill Elias, and if we muck up the timing, you’ll be up there when it blows. MARTIN: … Jon can’t do it. ARCHIVIST: What? […] MARTIN: You’re not listening. I mean, if he kills Jonah, then knowing our luck he’s just gonna end up taking his place in the Panopticon, isn’t he? GEORGIE: [SIGH] Good point. MARTIN: He can come up with me, but when it actually comes to Jonah… BASIRA: You’ll have to be the one to do it. MARTIN: Yeah. ARCHIVIST: Martin… I don’t– BASIRA: Have you got this? We can trade if you don’t think you can do it. MARTIN: No. No, I can do it.

… because it’s not what Jon had said:

(MAG193) MARTIN: So not that then, but… wh–what about something, like… physical? ARCHIVIST: I… What? MARTIN: Look, I know it’s all about… dream logic and metaphor and all that… stuff, but, you know, what if we just… what if we just grabbed him and, you know, pulled him down? Or, or just threw something heavy at him? ARCHIVIST: Uh… […] You were right. MARTIN: About what? ARCHIVIST: His body is vulnerable. A–at least to me. MARTIN: … What’s the catch? ARCHIVIST: I could kill his body, sever the link, break The Eye’s power, and… Jonah Magnus would die. MARTIN: Okay, that sounds good but…? ARCHIVIST: But… that wouldn’t actually harm The Eye itself. And with him gone it would… it would choose a suitable replacement. MARTIN: Oh. ARCHIVIST: If we kill Jonah Magnus… I take his place. MARTIN: Oh, god… ARCHIVIST: And I think… that’s exactly what it wants…!

Jon said that killing Jonah would lead to Beholding taking a replacement, not necessarily the person who’d kill Jonah… and regarding “suitable replacement”, Martin was emphasised as Eye-aligned this season (and Lonely):

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: Well, you’re a watcher, Martin. You worked for the Institute, you read statements, The Eye is… fond of you. You’re not getting thrown into your own personal hell, which means… MARTIN: [QUIETLY] That one of them belongs to me. But that’s… Ho–how can I be a “Watcher”? I, I didn’t even know it existed! ARCHIVIST: But you’ve suspected for a while now, haven’t you? MARTIN: Maybe? But that’s not “watching”! ARCHIVIST: Do you want me to tell you about it? MARTIN: No. … Yes. N–no, no, I don’t know, I don’t know. [SIGH] [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: It’s a small domain. A swirling mix of The Eye and The Lonely.

And was supposed to take Jonah’s place at the end of season 4 precisely thanks to his connection to Beholding:

(MAG158) PETER: I want to use the powers of this place to learn about The Extinction: what it’s doing, where it’s manifesting. Then we can stop it. MARTIN: And you need me for this? PETER: Correct! Without a connection to The Eye, any attempt to use it would likely end… very messily indeed! But thankfully, it just so happens that you hold such a connection. MARTIN: So that’s it… Both “lonely” and “watching”. PETER: You must admit you’re the perfect candidate. […] You’ll have to dispose of the current occupant. MARTIN: Curren–… [QUICK FOOTSTEPS] [SHARP BREATHING] … Who is that? PETER: Jonah Magnus! His… body, at least. Sitting here; watching; binding it all together; growing ever older. If you want to take his place, well… MARTIN: … I’ll need to kill him. PETER: Yes. Don’t worry, though. I brought a knife. […] Martin. What are you doing? MARTIN: I’m… saying no. I refuse! Game over. [KNIFE CLATTERING ON THE GROUND]

Jon hadn’t mentioned whether Martin would be able to hurt Elias (just that he could), but we’ve seen that dream-logic could be a factor to hurt each other: Basira could kill Daisy, Daisy could hurt Jon through their connection. Given that Martin was once expected to kill Jonah (did Jonah fear that Martin would choose this?), and that Martin has felt guilty all season about the fact that he feels like he could have stopped things if he had just knifed Jonah:

(MAG174) MARTIN: All those lies you told me… You helped to do this, you turned the world into your… your playground! SIMON: Hum… Not to be a pedant, but if you recall, I was actually doing a favour for Peter. And if Peter had won, none of this would have happened.

(MAG186) MARTIN: [HEAVY SIGH] If we’re glad, why do I feel so… ALSO MARTIN: Guilty? Because you feel guilty about everything. MARTIN: That’s… That’s not– ALSO MARTIN: […] The end of the entire world? MARTIN: If I’d done what Peter had asked… If, if I’d not chickened out, and just killed Elias when I had the chance…! ALSO MARTIN: Really? Really, that’s how you’re choosing to remember it? “Chickening out”? MARTIN: I remember it was the wrong choice…! ALSO MARTIN: You choose to remember it that way, and so the guilt– MARTIN: [SIGH] I–I get it, all right? But I need it, I, I choose the guilt, because… ALSO MARTIN: [LEADING] “Because”? MARTIN: Because it motivates me to do better!

I could see Martin managing to hurt him thanks to this. But regarding what could come afterwards:

I’m concerned about the fact Jon tried to object during the discussion and that nobody listened to him… as if Jon was already anticipating something to go very badly because he knows something the others don’t. Overall: what if Martin can’t kill Jonah? What if Martin kills Jonah and Beholding takes Jon anyway? What if Martin kills Jonah and Beholding picks Martin as a replacement?

(Mental picture of Jon screaming “Take me, not him!”, since we’ve been in the season 1 nostalgia this episode… ;_;)

- Aouch for Melanie falling back into old habits…

(MAG199) MELANIE: Make sure it hurts. MARTIN: Oh, I will. MELANIE: … Good enough for me.

(MAG117) MELANIE: I have my own stuff to take care of, they think they’re giving me a chance to “face my demons”, by helping to take down Elias. They don’t get that the only way to deal with something like him is to watch his eyes go dead with your hands around his throat. [SHAKY INHALE] I’ll… play it their way, for now. But when it comes down to it… I want – to see him – dead. […] [INHALE] So… yes. That’s it. That’s all you’re getting, because it hurt like hell to live through, and I didn’t do it so you could stroke your chin and call it fascinating. … Good luck, Jon. I do hope you win. [INHALE] But I also hope it hurts…!

- So, resting time:

(MAG199) GEORGIE: Okay. Sounds like we’ve got… something like a plan. MARTIN: [SOUND OF ASSENT] BASIRA: Makes a nice change. [VARIOUS SOUNDS OF ASSENT] MELANIE: [BRIGHTLY] It does, doesn’t it? Eh! Uh… so. When do we actually do it? GEORGIE: First thing tomorrow. That’ll give us time to prep and rest.

Georgie had already explained how they evaluated “tomorrow” in the tunnels and without any clock:

(MAG190) GEORGIE: Look. We’re all tired, and you still seem a little… disoriented by the tunnels. Let’s get some rest. We can talk about next moves tomorrow. ARCHIVIST: And how do you know when tomorrow is? GEORGIE: We generally err on the side of caution and sleep in…! ARCHIVIST: Sounds good.

So they’ll probably do the same ;;

- Basira thanking Jon for helping her with Daisy (and for helping her personally) made my heart break a bit and really made it sink in that it was likely the last time some (most? all?) of them would talk to each other, or that they won’t be in any state to discuss things like this afterwards. It was also fitting that Jon got his private moments with Georgie, with Martin, with Basira… but not with Melanie. That bridge burned, uh.

- Overall, although with interesting points and heart-wrenching and bittersweet and tender and intimate moments, it was… quite a depressing episode in the whole scale of things?

* The episode gave the impression that it was validating everything about The Web: that Jon had indeed been “Chosen” as the bringer of the apocalypse and had been a right pick for it; that Annabelle had been right when she told Martin that she just needed to tell them the truth for them to do what she wanted; that The Web scheming for centuries to open the crack and prepare its escape, and bringing the apocalypse about just to escape and infest other dimensions… worked. That everyone, regardless of their motivations and feelings, has indeed come to the conclusion that arranged The Web and served its plans, that The Web… is very casually winning just as planned.

* The episode didn’t talk about what would come after, for the characters. Jon briefly explained to Martin what was likely to happen to him, Annabelle confirmed it, but… the episode gave the impression that characters weren’t truly expecting to come out of this alive in the first place.

* Jon’s silences in the last sequences were so sad? He barely managed to sneak in a few words. He couldn’t contribute to the plan. Martin presented him as optional while others are taking care of the action. Yes, it used to be all on Jon but the fact that he couldn’t even contribute and that others ignored him when he tried to object about Martin being the one to kill Jonah was just so heartbreaking, as if he was already silenced and once again not in control of things that would happen…?

- I want to err on the side of caution but, despite it, I can’t help but wonder if some of the Team Archive interactions weren’t… staged a bit for the tape recorders. It’s very suspicious that they apparently got updated on the Hill Top Road situation, but that nobody commented about the tape recorders turning on (although they now know that it means The Web is spying on them and/or that their tapes will be heard by other people in other worlds and associated with the Fears). Melanie and Georgie had taken notice of them when Jon&Martin had arrived in the tunnels for the first time, Melanie was good at hearing the tape recorder turning on… but nothing this time around. Is it possible that they’re planning something else, too, and that it required The Web and The Eye (the tapes and Jon) to not know about it, a bit like how the assistants had put on a show in front of Elias in season 3?

(MAG116) ELIAS: Now! If you’ll excuse me. [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] BASIRA: Do you think he bought it? MARTIN: We’ll talk about it later. ARCHIVIST: I doubt we’ll get time, we need to go. MARTIN: It’s fine. We’ve got this, okay. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Okay.

Is it why Georgie took the lighter?

I don’t want to bank on it but the fact that nobody has commented about the tape recorders since Annabelle revealed what they were and their purpose has been any nagging at me, so, mmmm…

If MAG200 actually shows the action as it happens, I’m wondering about a few things:

* How are they planning to time up the explosion and the Jonah murder? Jon couldn’t know about the tunnels when he was outside of them, and according to what we’ve heard in MAG192, climbing the tower was a very long process. It’s possible that Jon actually has some awareness of the tunnels as long as he’s in the tower (since both are connected), or that they’ll go for the murder once they hear the explosion coming to them, but how would Georgie&Melanie coordinate to not do anything before Jon&Martin are the top? (When I’m wondering about it, I can think of a few options: Jon&Martin dropping something once they’re at the top, to convey they’ve arrived, or maybe relying on whether a tape recorder clicks on, as a signal that Nothing Interesting Is Happening Up There And It’s Your Turn To Do Something, etc.)

* Will we hear Rosie again? Jon&Martin might have to pass in front of her again to reach Elias. Will they evacuate her, will she stay with them?

* … Surprisingly and yet fittingly: we might hear Jonah/Elias in the last episode. (And funnily enough: it would be the 4th episode where he would talk this season, which means this wouldn’t even be the season with the least amount of Elias appearances! He was in 3 episodes in season 1 (MAG017, MAG039, MAG040) and in 4 episodes in season 2 (MAG048, MAG060, MAG067, MAG080). Season 3 was an outlier that really got us used to hearing him a lot.)

* I’m still squinting about the fact that Annabelle told them to “destroy the Archives” and that they translated it into “destroy the Panopticon” while both Jonah and Oliver designated Jon as the “Archive(s)”…

* If they succeed, and if it all goes accordingly, I am really wondering about the state of the world post-Fears – and it might not be something we’ll get to witness. But mostly, I’m curious/concerned about the complicated cases: if people do remember what happened to them and who were the rulers, wouldn’t it be likely that things turn into chaos as people get back at the people who hurt them? What about the cases Basira mentioned of rulers who hated being in that position? What about, for example, Callum? (Who is currently doing horrible things and… is also a traumatised kid.)

* I wonder if the episode will have an actual date as the case number, and if it would correspond to another world’s timeline or this one. “0181810–B”, as things pick up from the point Jon had read Jonah’s letter (MAG160’s was “0181810”)? “0212503” to play with the release date, since it’s the same release date for everyone for once (no early access for Patreon)? “0111507” to play with the date of Jacob’s statement, heard in the very first trailer? Something beginning with “015” as, in another world, someone (Jon or Sasha or someone else) becomes a new Head Archivist after Gertrude’s death?

* If The Web succeeds and leaves with the tapes, will they be like the Fear Books used to be perceived in this world? Will Jon’s voice be perceived as a bringer of disaster and tragedies? What will happen to Jon’s voice is an interesting question given that this episode ended with… Jon being withdrawn, barely being part of the conversation, trying to object and not being heard, as if his voice was already partially silenced by the others.

* Technically, since the tapes are supposed to leave with The Web, the series might cut off with the tapes leaving, but… other configurations are possible. We could finally hear something without the mediation of the tapes. We could get a new point of view from another world, inheriting the fears. We could be deprived of the action, since the plan was laid out, and have someone (Martin?) recalling what happened, much later, etc.

In previous seasons, the 40th episode was more about the aftermath of the action and posing elements that would be fundamental during the next one: MAG040 explained how Prentiss had died, what had happened to Jon&Tim, but also confirmed (to the audience) that something had replaced Sasha without the others noticing, and revealed that Gertrude’s obviously-murdered-body had been found in the tunnels, leading to Jon’s secret investigations in season 2; MAG080 showed Leitner explaining to Jon who was likely to be Gertrude’s murderer, what the Institute was about, that Jon was now a servant of Beholding and that a Fear ritual was incoming, leading to Jon’s quest to stop the Unknowing; MAG120 confirmed who had come out of the Unknowing alive, revealed what Jon’s dreams were about, had Peter replacing Elias as Head of the Institute and confirmed Peter’s interest in Martin; MAG160 had Jon&Martin running away, Jon receiving Jonah’s letter hidden amongst the statements (and a few tapes likely sent by The Web) and being forced to read his incantation, provoking the current apocalypse.

MAG200’s title has been made public on twitter, so – “Last Words” it is. It sure feels like the series is ending ;; It’s fitting for both the characters and the podcast itself, and I’m screaming that it had appeared in the first episode of this season:

(MAG161) ARCHIVIST: Hang on, have you been recording this? [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] TIM: Oh, yeah! I… just thought it might be nice, you know, something to look back on when we’re all old and sick of each other…! […] Now, all right, all right; fine! Look: I’m turning it off. Any last words for your future selves?

… in the specific context of leaving a message for the future.

[hyotenhyakkaso]

Winter watches DiamondDust part ??

Kusaka T poses for dominance over the Soul Society. 

I had to back track for this bb. 

God- These two are going to kill me. I need to make a meta post fjalksdfj. 

TEMPORARILY??? BITCH WHERE’S HE GONNA GO? HE ROOTED HIMSELF TO THE GROUND WITH ICE. I DONT THINK HE’S GOING ANYWHERE ANYTIME SOON. HE’S MAKING LIKE A TREE AND SITTING THERE. 

T H E M

Soi-fon yeeting her Haori kills me. 

-snerk- 

Apparently I’m dyslexic because I thought this said “Is this a woman?” 

Can we talk about how fitting it is, how Byakuya’s lieutenant has a flower collared snek? No? okay moving on

How is toshiro still climbing when he’s literally wounded from both his shoulder and his side- This man is titanium i swear to frozen heavens. 

THEY’RE GAY YOUR HONOR- 

HELP ME WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS. NEITHER OF THEM TRY AND EVEN ATTEMPT TO CATCH HER. THEN THERES THE FACT SHE SCREECHES AND  OHMYGOD. 

GAY PANIC

I can’t tell if he’s just not wanting to say anything or just is violently disassociating. My hunch says both.

BITCH IS STILL ALIVE AFTER HE GOT CUT IN HALF AND YEETED 

THIS MOTHERFUCKER. 

Kenpachi really said “Perish” 

When you think you’re done with a floor but there's mORE

When you and the GF have the same idea. Like literally- the same idea with three different people. (I’m not joking)

And then they never talked about it again ever <3 Though I do have a question. Why does he not want anyone to know? But now this makes three people apparently. Has this ever been like- mentioned in universe? Did I just miss it??

HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING 

this is really cool buT WHERE IS YOUR SHIRT-  ARE YOU THE ARMSTRONG OF THIS SERIES MY GUY???

Byakuya to the rescuuuee

Ichigo: The last time I got put in here I got my ass kicked

How many times do I have to save your asses? - Bya probably

He looks so tired- of being here or everyone’s bullshit is anyones guess. 

WHY IS HE RIPPED- 

What a fabulous way to die. 

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Hot 

Wheee~

Two bros flying through the air to kill a guy~ 5 feet apart cuz they’re not gay~!

Dude- that didnt work when Kenpachi tried it. Why did you try it

Some-

BODY ONCE TOLD ME- 

I do find it interesting how they change the color of the ice between Hyorinmaru’s. Letting you tell the difference right away. Kusaka’s having a more violet blue while Toshiro’s is more of a green turquoise blue. 

Kinky. 

WHY IS THE WEAK POINT ALWAYS THE FOREHEAD OR THE EYE. I DONT UNDERSTAND. 

mAYBE HE’S BORN WITH IT MAYBE ITS MAYBELLINE-

Avatar Kusaka- 

Fuck Toshiro I guess xD

HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING. also can we talk about how short he is compared to ichi

HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING???

h- Yanno what they’re both stubborn. 

I cant imagine what he’s thinking right now. Possibly “Is that how I look-” Also they started from different sides of the screen. and started scream running toward each other. 

Poor baby is scared tf. Goddamn it Central 46.

I wanna talk about this one too in a different post. 

.... Well actually the stealth force killed you the first time but go off I guess- 

I didnt need my heart no. 

-ugly sobbing - 

Shes gotta point- 

Why does the ouin look like a stamp.

That small laugh gives me life 

YOU SO FUCKIN PRECIOUS WHEN YOU S M I L E 

HE FOLLOWS WITHOUT A DAMN WORD. 

Bonus: 

[burnedbyshoto]

Ashido Mina

a/n: so, here’s to the start of my event! sfw is above the cut, nsfw is below it! I’m having a lot of fun with these and I hope you all enjoy :D

SFW

A = Affection (How affectionate are they with a s/o?)

Super affectionate with you. You need a hug, a kiss??? Mina will provide everything needed

B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

Come out of nowhere and hug her from behind, or plan something super romantic and spontaneous, she’s such a romantic that the more cliche the better

C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

Mina loves being the big spoon because she loves to bury her nose into your hair. She will cuddle with you whenever you please honesty

D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

She wants nothing more than to win a dancing competition with you, or at the very least join one with you

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

A lot of effort, she’s the type to date intending on marrying who she’s marrying so, you better treat her right

F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

She will get a big blanket and roll you up and just hold you, you’re a burrito baby now

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

she is the type to give you over the top things. think of jim’s present to pam during christmas before they got together… yeah, pretty intimate and intense but something you’ll love.

mina loves a gift in return and she especially loves gifts where she gets to do thinking’s with you!

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

hugging all the time!!! she loves touching you!!!

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

a total romantic, everything she does for you is done with hearts in her eyes, and she has no issues with prodcasting such love

J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

while not one too typical to get jealous because she trusts in you, when she gets jealous know she gets touchy. like stand behind you with her mouth to your neck touchy.

K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

minas kisses are super gentle and sweet, she’s not the best kisser but she’s so passionate about it that you forget. if you go a day without getting at least ten kisses from mina, something’s wrong

L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)

mina doesn’t know what to do when she figures out she loves you. it’s something she’s always imagined feeling but now that it’s real she can only gape like a fish. she’ll accidentally blurt it out before her 10 step plan to confess happens. she prefers to show it then say it.

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

she wants a full out reception party. she wants the biggest dance floor and the two of you to perform 194930 dances together.

N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

mina actually treasures dates where the two of you stay in! the both of you lead busy outside lives that intimate ones indoors resonate deeper within her heart

O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

there’s not much she wouldn’t do for you, but on the rarest of occasions she’ll let you touch her horns.

P =Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

super playful relationship! playing nerd gun fights in pjs at two in the morning! laughter is always echoing in the hallways with you two

Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

she’ll always ask for opinions on things she’s unsure of and will ALWAYS give her own thoughts about it

R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

she is a very big on the spot person! not that she doesn’t plan things out, just successwise she has better on the spot events

S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

the two of you nap together more, especially during high school because you both are too nervous at getting caught in the others room overnight!

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

trusts you completely. if she didn’t trust you, she wouldn’t have ever asked you out

U = Unique (What makes them unique as a s/o?)

how deeply she loves. your hobbies will become her hobbies. it doesn’t matter because mina loves dancing and you do it with her, so you best believe she will do whatever hobby you love the most!

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

being vulnerable with you is super hard for mina because she’s always just so hyper and cheery, that the first time she’s vulnerable it makes you worry because it’s super super scary to see her sad and horns wilting as if in response. it takes about three months for her to show you this side.

W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

mina loves comparing her hand size with you. whether they’re bigger or smaller than hers, she’s just fascinated by your hands she can’t help but stare and compare.

X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

suddenly number 18 in the class is outperforming number 1 in the class. she becomes instant health genius as she does anything to make you feel better

“mina is just a paper cut!”

“if we make it a slightly deeper cut you won’t feel the stinging pain anymore!”

Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

constant negativity. like the yucky kind that drains the fun from everything. she hates that in a s/o so much. like there’s a difference between that and being a pessimist and she sees and understands that.

Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as a s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

she wants and LIKES THE PASSION OKAY?! give mina her ideal love 2k19

NSFW:

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Mina lays there breathing for a full 5 minutes

She is always overwhelmed post sex, just give her a minute

While not the best at cleaning up, she lowkey loves just laying in your guys mess, she will always cuddle and hold you.

Lots of pillow talk

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On herself, mina prides herself on her arms and legs, she’s extremely proud of her natural strength

Mina is a useless boobs gal. 

dangle them in her fucking face p U H L E A S E

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Mina fucking loves it when she can get herself to squirt

Like one you guys figure out how to make her squirt it’s going to happen every time y’all fuck cuz it sorta reminds her of her quirk

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has definitely masturbated to an innocuous picture of you when the two of you went months without seeing each other

never masturbated until the two of you got together tbh

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Is not experienced at all prior to you! Mina is a romantic with a terrible streak prior to you, but she is a fluid person so she nails everything in the bed fast

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Favorite position is kneeling. She gets to hold you tight and full access to your boobs.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Definitely, the lover who goes from super romantic and intimate sex to can barely take this seriously love making

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Always groomed. The second she knew she was gonna fuck you she got that shit waxed. She has a heart strip though, and yes, her pubes are curly and pink

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Sex with mina is very very intimate, even if its in a joking matter. She truly cherishes everything about you and will always try making your sex life as amazing as possible

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Loves masturbating together. Like loves it so much. She loves watching you please yourself while she… ahem… assists you with some toys

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Hair-pulling: she loves having her hair pulled and the feeling of fingers knotting into her curls, degradation: she loves calling you impolite names because of the way you react, roleplaying: LOVES DRESSING UP AND CREATING A NEW PERSONALITY OKAY

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

By far her most favorite place to have sex is in the backseat of a car. It’s risky and hot. She’s addicted.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Physical reactions. Moan for her, move your body and praise what shes doing for you. Also when you wear that one big t-shirt with your hottest lingerie underneath and give her a lap dance

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

DO NOT TOUCH HER HORNS. THE MOMENT THEY ARE TOUCHED SHE’S DONE

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Loves giving more. Only on special occasions does she like having the attention on her, but for the most part, she will spoil you

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

All depends on her mood! She genuinely loves going fast and rough, but on anniversary nights, she enjoys slow and sensual paces

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Is definitely down to have a quickie, she thinks it’s hot, but only once every 2 years. She just enjoys being able to hear you scream as loudly as she can make you scream.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Very experimental! The two of you have designated days for trying out new things just because you’re never too sure

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Mina actually comes really fast, it’s a big reason as to why she prefers focusing on you! But she has good stamina and can last to three full and kinky rounds.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Toys are a must.

Vibrators, dildos, strap on, anal beads.

You think of one, you two own it.

They are very used and will go interchangeably, but are more often used on you

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not that big of a tease actually. Like she may abuse vibrator rights, but it’s not in a teasing way! More like a “i’m trying to make you squirt” way

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

She’s very loud in bed!

Moaning, whining, mewling, and sometimes even begging

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

The first time the two of you had sex, mina came twice in under two minutes. Once because of how your breasts felt rubbing against hers and when you pressed your soaked cunt against her own

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those shirts and pants, picture or words)

Mina is a blessed girl with round perky breasts, probably a dd-cup. her right one is actually bigger surprisingly! And she has inverted nipples. She has larger than average labia

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Went from sorta there to we fuck at minimum five times a week.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Takes her forever to fall asleep, will be awake long after you pass out

[jbbuckybarnes]

The life of Liberty in Memories

Request: Can I request a Steve one-shot (or mini-series) where he is in love with the Reader (who is Bucky's older twin sister) and vice versa? During WW2 she was chosen as a female candidate for the super-soldier program (dubbed Liberty Prime), but unlike Steve, she ended up in Hydra's hands alongside Bucky, where they were made into lethal weapons + R was given additional powers. Besides being an enhanced super-soldier, R is a genius (like Shuri and Tony) and the most dangerous assassin ever. - @witch-of-letters Warnings: mentions of addiction & withdrawal, mentions of physical and mental pain

M A S T E R L I S T

// Falling into snow-white mountains was all you remembered. Then screams. Your own screams and the one of your brother. Your brother that was just trying to help you. “James?” “Y/N Elizabeth Barnes. You’re finally awake. We’ve been waiting for you.” “Where am I?” “Liberty Prime sounded like something Hydra could use in the upcoming decades. Don’t you think?” “NO!” //

With a gasp, you woke up in your cell, a pretty one compared to the ones you’ve been in years ago. Since you had agreed to be The Liberty Soldier to get free of the giant amounts of benzodiazepine being pumped into you. You had slowly left the withdrawal phase, didn’t get psychosis symptoms anymore and your mental issues were only connected to simply being with Hydra at this point. The only times you still got reset without drugs involved, was before big missions.

You hadn’t seen your brother in years. He could only remember you half of the time anyway. But normally you’d seen him every few weeks somewhere in the facility or in the cryo room you both were frozen in. You didn’t dare think about the worst and at this point, it really wouldn’t make a difference. He’d be better of dead than with Hydra and you knew that. Project Insight, something you had worked on for a long time, was the last time he walked past you into the next mission. Maybe he went down with the ships. There was a file given to you later that day. Mission: Killing the rouge Winter Soldier. There was no change in your behavior. Your brother was alive, he was well. You would either gladly die by his hand and be free from the brainwashing, or hopefully come to your senses early enough to make a quick way out and vanish with his help.

“42, 19, Snow, Liberty, 18, Howling, Prime, Afraid, Bloodred, Genius.”

Everything went black and white. ___________________ Steve had a cut in his forehead, Bucky a knife in his left shoulder. “Steve?” “Yeah?” “That’s my sister.” “Are you sure.” “Yes. 100%” “Knock her out. NOW!”

___________________ With a gasp you woke up in a white room, a bag of dextrose in saline solution hanging over you. You were still hazy from the trigger words. This wasn’t Hydra headquarters. Had you failed the mission? Were you being pumped full of BZD again? “She’s awake.” you heard through the wall and shortly after the door opened. “Y/N.” your brother. “J- Are you here to-” you were afraid to be punished. “Hey, no. It’s safe here. I promise. They won’t do anything to you again.” he slowly came closer. His demeanor very soft and the only thing about him reminding you of Hydra being the long hair. “Do you...remember me?” he asked concerned. “You’re the biggest pain in the ass, of course!” you dared to smile. “You’re in Wakanda. They will keep you safe and get the trigger words out of your brain, okay?” he touched your arm gently. “Am I allowed to...hug?” you whispered. “Of course, you’re free here,” he said pulling you closer, letting the floodgates open. “I’m so sorry, that I didn’t get you earlier. I didn’t know where they had brought you,” he said with his warm hand going over your back. “I missed you. But I did so many of these things without the trigger words. I just, I couldn’t bare the drugs anymore and-” “You didn’t want to do it. That’s all that matters. It’s okay. You’re safe.” The door opened again, a big blonde man coming in. “Y/N?” “Steve.” Soft smiles were interchanged, “We’re gonna get you back up. Promise.” ____________________ “A female super-soldier. That’s new.” Shuri smiled at you after you both were introduced to each other. “How...are you gonna get the words out of my brain?” “I just need to find the specific passage in your brain that sends you into the PTSD-like shock,” she explained. “Tried figuring out ways to do this while I was imprisoned.” you smiled and got a surprised smile back. “She’s always been a bit of a genius. The serum just enhanced that.” Steve grinned watching this conversation unfold. “Well, let’s get started.” ____________________ The compound was the first thing you saw after getting out of Wakanda and get free from all the charges against you and Hydra. “You like it?” Steve grinned down at you, his hand on your shoulder. “I could get used to it. I like the robot talking, who made this?” “Me.” Tony Stark came around the corner with a StarkPad in his hand. “Tony, Y/N. Y/N, Tony.” You shook hands, “It’s nice to finally meet you, you’ve been a big inspiration for the things I learned secretly when I was under Hydra’s influence.” “Glad to hear. Welcome to the compound, get comfortable, dodge Pepper when she’s mad.” he grinned before continuing his route. “He’s nicer than you told me he’d be.” you grinned up at Steve. “You haven’t heard him rant about politics.” he rolled his eyes. “Finally show me where I’ll sleep, blondie.” you giggled. ____________________ Steve had always been crushing on you back in the day. But back then he was small, back then Bucky would’ve hated him for admitting it, back then he was kind of a coward. The smart strategic thinking he had didn’t only come from his size but also from you. Later, when you both had been through the projects making you super-soldiers, you had been in the Howling Commandos together. Steve slowly falling for Peggy, while you kept your emotional side hidden around the men. Now that he looked at you he realized that the serum hadn’t changed you too much. You just looked like a more toned version of your past self. What got enhanced was your genius mind and your abilities as a hand-to-hand fighter and overall assassin. He understood again why he was so whipped for you back then and he had the feeling of crushing on you bubbling somewhere in his chest again. “Cap? You’re staring.” you smiled at him, looking up from your book. “Sorry. Was in thought.” he tried to hide his blushing and continued what he was doing before.

____________________ “Are you ready to get back in the field?” Tony was talking to you. “Yes, but ease me into it a bit.” “Are you sure Y/N?” Steve frowned at you and you sent him a little smile and a nod. “Great, get ready to snipe, Barnes,” Tony said and you were in your room in seconds. You weren’t on a mission -with your mind completely clear- in decades, of course, you weren't sure about it. But somehow you would have to get into it. “Get ready for overseeing a hostage situation. We have a deal with them. Money against a man.” “Noted!” ___________________ “Have eyes on the target,” you mumbled into the communication device on top of the pillar you had positioned yourself on with your marksman rifle. You listened in on the conversation you were overseeing, Steve, two heavily armed men, a hostage, and a woman talking to Steve. The comms went out and the woman stepped aside. “Dammit.” you muttered just in time to see Steve fighting one of the armed men and the hostage being brought back to the car by the other man. In a split second you aimed for the man with the hostage, a perfect headshot had him down one breath later. You aimed back at Steve, thinking he’d have the situation under control but he was damn near to being choked into unconsciousness. Aimed, locked, shot, another bullet straight through the forehead. The woman still with the hostage tried to run but you had different plans, taking your knife, jumping down from the pillar and bolting at her. “Guess you’re the hostage now,” you growled with a knife held to her throat from behind.

___________________ With the woman being interrogated by Natasha and the man being cared for by Clint, you had time to go to your room and throw your equipment into a corner. 4 knocks, “Yeah?” “It’s me.” “Come in, Steve,” you said putting off your bulletproof vest. “Thank you for watching my back.” he gave you a shy smile. “Thought you’d be better at not getting choked.” you grinned, getting off your thigh holster. “Your brother’s worse.” he chuckled watching you take off your shirt, turning red. “It’s the 21st century, Stevie. People wear what I wear right now on the street.” you laughed squishing his face on your way to the closet. “I don’t have that with Nat.” his hands went up. Internally he had an entire awakening about absolutely still having the hots for you. Fuck. “So just with me, huh?” you smirked after you had the cozy hoodie on. “Guess so. Maybe it’s just habit with you.” he sent a tiny smile. “Maybe it is.” you were standing right in front of him, reading him like an open book. He was so bad at this. Always had been. Although you needed to admit that he got a little better at the flirting part. You knew he had a crush on you in the 40s, you just didn’t have a crush back. Then the war came, Peggy came, you “died” and he “died”. And now you had a hot blushing mess in front of you that you were actually kinda into. He shook himself out of the stare he was holding with a, “Still need to get rid of my suit and write a mission report.” “How about I help you with the suit?” you whispered, tracing over his chest. He swallowed, not really sure what to do. This was a possibility he hadn’t calculated in. The chance of you actually being different about this now. “Uh, I mean, if you don’t mi-” his head was yanked down and lips were on his in a split second. Cherry lip balm, the taste of blood and the smell of your fresh clothing were all he registered. “You’re bad at hiding your crushes. Always have been.” you grinned still close to him. “You knew?” “Of course, you are the worst at pretending.” you chuckled, hands now snaking around your lower back. “Did Bucky know?” he grinned. “No, he was totally oblivious to that and I’m kinda glad about that. You have the best friendship. Now shut up and kiss me, idiot.” you said and sighed when he finally took initiative. Your back was pressed against the wall in a heartbeat, a tongue between your lips. Your hands went to the zippers and buttons of his suit, getting it off painfully slow. His hands wandered under your hoodie and you stopped him, “I just said I’ll help you with the suit.” “Y/N.” he gave you a serious stare before you chuckled with a head shake. “You got better with girls, I see.” you couldn’t continue what you were about to say since he picked you up and had you land on your bed. _____________________ Sneaking behind the team’s backs was hard but manageable for the first few weeks. But there had to be the moment where everything didn’t go as planned. “You’re back,” you whispered, looking up at him. Both of you in front of your room, the hallway empty. “We were done early.” he smiled and pushed your hair behind your ear. “Missed you.” you pouted and had a hand caressing your face shortly after. “I missed you too, darling.” he leaned down for a short kiss. “Cuddles and Sushi?” you grinned, still holding him by his jacket. “Sounds like a dream to me.” he gave you heart eyes before you went on your tiptoes for another kiss. Someone cleared their throat a few meters away and you drove apart. Your brother. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he looked at both of you with a stern look. “We thought you might be mad,” you said and Steve nodded. “I would never be mad at my two favorite people in the world being happy with each other...unless my best friend breaks my sister's heart.” his smile vanished with the last sentence and was replaced with a serious look at Steve. “In my defense. She was the one kissing me first,” he said holding his hands up, making you giggle. “And you were pretty oblivious to his crush on me all those years.” you grinned at your brother suddenly having a surprised face. “C’mon Buck, how many times did you talk to me and I didn’t listen when she was in the room.” “Now that you say it. Quite a lot of times.” he grinned. _______________________ “Y/N Elizabeth Barnes-Rogers! You are NOT pregnant, WHAT!?” an offended and happy smile was sent at you by your brother that had just heard the news from Steve and you. “You’re gonna be an uncle, James,” you said before squealing and being hugged tight. “Oh my god, Liz.” he couldn’t stop hugging you and swayed side to side with you. “We’re officially a family instead of a group of crackheads now.” you giggled. “I hope she gets your brain and none of his recklessness. Cause I’m not babysitting another Steve Rogers,” he said looking at both of you. “All we can do is try.” you grinned. He looked down on you and shook his head still in shock, “You don’t know what’s coming at you, little bean.”

M A S T E R L I S T

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Scream”

ITS FUCKING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE THIS IS ON GOD HAPPENING I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO RELAX I CANNOT LET THIS WAIT ANY LONGER LETS GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG THIS F UCKING SONG WHERE👏DO👏I👏START 👏 I KNEW RIGHT WHEN I WENT ON TO LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN LYRIC SPOILER bc im an impatient little bich THIS WAS GONNA KICK MY SHINS KNEE ME IN THE NOSE AND OWN. ME. i forgot which moot i said this to but i said they should try putting their rock/metal sound with an edm kind of sound anD HERE WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT SOUNDS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! this got my heart racing quick as hell even during the slower parts????????? im sorry to the beginning parts, jiu, and the bridge i cant RELAX™

CRITICISM???????? I DUNNO THAT BI TCH™

(i wont tag every part they have ill just describe some of them lmao)

JIU JIU JIU JIU JIU JIU JIU JIU JIU JIU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MISS KIM MINJI YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this, this, THIS AND THIS G O D her voice is just so perfect to start the song to ease you into this BOP™ and then her voice for those pre-chorus parts to ready you ONCE AGAIN for that chorus BUT YET its still hype as hell bc you K N O W what shes leading you into her voice is LIKE FEATHERS AND CLOUDS dont ask

yoohyeon i swear to god- her voice........................... i cannot begin.............. to even describe how nice it is.................... I DUNNO HOW SERIOUSLY like it just has that tone and power where its not very high nor very low and its just.................. lord......... going right after jiu for this it was just so UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH- pls i CANNOT with these parts and then still being a part of the choruses MA’AM WHY DOES YOUR VOICE JUST HITS THE SPOT HUH-

sua ALSO HAS A VOICE I JUST CANNOT DESCRIBE it just has this like..................... its unique and very alluring???????? i feel like i HAVE TO SAY THIS but her voice is as sexy as she is i- putting her right after jiu and yoohyeon at the beginning HOO and then this after gahyeon and damis fire and then shes also in the CHORUS TOO AND SHE ADDS MORE STRENGTH IN HER VOICE HELLO

SIYEON I HAVE TO SAY THIS AGAIN I WOULD LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE FOREVER IF I COULD her voice is just meant to do this kind of genre i swear to GOD like THIS????????? THIS x2??????????? BICTH THIS?????????????? she just sings so effortlessly and the emotion she puts like YOU CAN FEEL THAT S HIT especially in the bridge YEESH listening now it mellowed me out for like two (2) seconds before i went feral again

PIRI GAHYEON WALKED SO SCREAM GAHYEON COULD SPRINT pls i listened to this part and i was like ‘oH OKAY SING GO AHEAD’ oh no. nononononono NECK PLOT TWIST: SHES A RAPPER AGAIN BICTH THIS RIGHT HERE THATS HOW YOU GIVE WHIPLASH- AND THIS S HIT OOF THAT HIT- her voice is a lot deeper than we think LIKE her range is actually pretty big and we LOVE to hear it

dami..................................... what the f uck- FIRST OF ALL this was Too Much already on first listen and then your rap verse DO YALL HEAR HER PASSION??????? BC I HEAR IT DONT GET ME STARTED ON THIS PART WOO!!!!! LISTEN THAT HAD ME HOPPING AND JUMPING IN MY BED ON GOD- i swear pls stop saying this han come on she has one of the most (if not THE MOST) recognizable voices EVER???????? 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE DANCE FOR THIS SONG HAS GOT TO BE THE TOUGHEST CHOREO FOR THEM YET IVE SCREAMED ENOUGH ABOUT THE MASKED DANCER HOLDING HANDONGS SPOT UNTIL SHE GETS BACK AND HOW THEY HAVE GODDAMN BACKUP DANCERS LITERALLY THIS DANCE HAS SO MUCH POWER™ AND ITS SO HIGH ENERGY WHO THE FUC K IS DOING IT LIKE THEM

(i will be using the suit dance video for this portion)

JIU BEING LIFTED AT THE BEGINNING

THE CHORUS DANCES ARE YOU KIDDING ME- these parts.......................... oh s hit- and theN THE ENTIRE LAST ONE LIKE THAT ONE HITS AND MAKES YOU ITS BI-

literally both damis and gahyeons ‘devil. eyes. come.’ ESPECIALLY GAHYEONS when everyone is pointing at her (with this 🤘) thats Art™ right there

GAHYEONS RAP PART the usage of masks.................................. the symmetrical movement......................... Art™ part 2

these dances for sua and siyeons parts after the raps................... especially on the floor................ oh no- also i have to say siyeon lands on her knees really hard for that part i hope shes okay

jiu dancing by herself that is all

siyeon being Sexie™ that is all

dami stealing my heart and stomping on it that is all

ending pose with this 🤘 THE ICONIC™ AND LEGENDARY™ JUMPED OUT

THE VISUALS listen....................... LISTEN............................ LISTEN..................... L I S T E N- OKAY like my last two dreamcatcher thoughts and feelings (which if you wanna read: here and here) ill just show the scenes that i really liked (trust me it was REALLY hard to choose i might as well just put the mv again) and how i felt looking at them

............................................................................... oh f UCK-

ma’am whatever this is can you destroy me with it im ready-

OH S HIT

FOR THE WLW

but seriously whoever gave this woman a sword knows what the somnies like and wanna see and yes i too wanna get sliced the fuc k up

every time i see this i make like this songs title name and S C R E A M

i have no crazy special reason as to why i put her here other than i d worded when i saw her

GAHYEON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this has to be one of the coolest things ive ever seen like on god this is so Pleasing to My Eyes like what the f kcu im like this A LOT

b ru H this part........................ theyre all doing this 🤘 at her.................... waht does it mean................... what doES IT MEAN

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH BICTH MXCUSE ME WHAT THE FKUC DOES THIS MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ooooooooooooooooooh mmmmmmmyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also some bonus gahyeon screenshots its what she deserves after spinning my head 360 degrees <3 (also i didnt notice that both did the sign love this for her)

T H E M

WELL WELL WELL STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER I SEE- HERE TO TELL ME THAT YOU ALL STILL HOLD THE TITLE OF BEING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD LITERALLY WHAT CAN I SAY????????????? I ALREADY BE YELLING HERE THAT THEYRE FRICKIN BEAUTIFUL AND STUNNING AS ALL HELL BUT IMMA KEEP SAYING IT AND YOURE NOT GONNA STOP ME

THE BLACK DANCE OUTFITS........................ THE WHITE DANCE OUTFITS........................... G OD

NO COMPLAINTS LETS MOVE ON:

JIU

her purple hair already hurted me and shes beautiful enough but in this video when she iS LITERALLY THE VERY FIRST MEMBER YOU SEE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WHEN YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL- pls i love lace................... her white outfit got chains on it................... and OH BICTH THE BLACK OUTFIT SHOWS HER BACK IM FERAL

SUA

MISS I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MUST ADDRESS THE OUTFIT WITH THE SWORD FIRST OKAY MA’AM LOOKING LIKE A WHOLE GODDESS WARRIOR READY TO SLICE BICTHES UP FOR TALKING S HIT LIKE ON SOME ‘YES IM FROM THEMYSCIRA’ VIBES AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON HER BLACK OUTFIT WITH HER BABS (BORA ABS) OUT

SIYEON

can you pls stop being beautiful for one (1) second can yoU PLS- i saw this shot in the mv and i think i fell in l*ve with her......................... as if i wasnt already shes as stunning as ever i cant stand her the black outfit with her long ass high pony tail witH THE GLOVES HELLO and that one look with the flowers or something on her head covering her eye.......... wow..........................

YOOHYEON

GIRL I GET IT YOURE SO PRETTY I UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!! this look in this specific photo with this dress and the braid uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh Ma’am youre a goddess I Am Looking 👁👄👁 her white outfit with the pony tail and those straps around her torso oh god and then her black outfit seems simple until you realize it shows a little of her sides pls stop im a weak man i-

DAMI

HELLO MISS LEE YUBIN I SEE YOU DECIDED TO GO ‘F UCK YALL LIVES’ AND BE HOT™ HUH- tbh not even mad at her yullet (yubin mullet) but shes dami she can work MANY LOOKS™ her black and white scene during her rap like thats a Look™ that attacked me and like yoohyeons black outfit hers looks like nothing special until you realize her sides are also out........... oh no-

GAHYEON

GAHYEON THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!! this is HER ERA NO I WILL NOT LISTEN YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND- i wasnt expecting her to attack me as much as she did its that GODDAMN pink outfit from the l ver. of the teasers i sHOULDVE KNOWN!!!!!!! her black outfit is like suas does she have gabs (gahyeon abs) OH NO LORD PLS- SHES BIG BEAUTIFUL™!!!!!!!!!!!!

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (short thoughts and parts i liked) had to go and use the color coded lyrics to make sure to not mistake the members and appreciate them fake ass fan i have a hard time telling who is who sometimes pls dont roast me ill do better next time

Intro

OKAY LISTEN- this intro be hitting a little different compared to their last intros maybe its just me but i feel as tho it COULD go just a little harder yknow???? tho ofc im love it still but ANYWAY-

Tension

now this........................ this is beautiful so this was apparently was supposed to be called goodnight????? and changed the lyrics?????? so............... they were hiding this Bop™................ for a few years????? did i read that right?????? LITERALLY A SLAP™ IT IS HEADBANG MATERIAL the fkcuing drums oh pls- THE CHORUS SOMEONE TALK TO ME ITS ADDICTING i............... LOVE jius voice on this song in particular that slower part i dunno why she just got me i- those parts sua and siyeon do before that ‘break the wall’ part i dunno their kinda lower voices theyre making me feel Things™

Red Sun

SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER DAMI RISE-

okay seriously WHAT THE FKCU- IT GRABBED MY NECK DURING THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY something about those bells or whatever throughout this song just hurted me so much ‘red sun’ just....................... gets in your brain and im okay with that!!!!!!!!!!! like its true that the beginning part is so intriguing and lowkey hypnotizing WOW and then their voices sound kinda breathy be hitting a little different MISS LEE GAHYEON ON THIS.................. MA’AM-

Black Or White

the guitar the fkycing guitaR CAN WE PLS TALK ABOUT THE GUITAR AND THE BASS FOR A SECOND???????? HELLO??????? THE CRUNCHINESS™ and then dami in the middle (not @ me for thinking she cursed in this song 🤡)  S HU T- AND HELLO JIU SIYEON AND DAMI ALL TOOK PART IN WRITING THESE LYRICS BICTH IM YELLING- THAT BLACK OR WHITE IN THE CHORUS SIYEON SINGS IS STUCK IN MY HEAD HELP ME jk im okay with it being there yoohyeon jiu and gahyeon during those pre-chorus parts......................... good christ............

Jazz Bar

pls stop flirting with me.................................. DAMI ESPECIALLY LISTEN- I HAD TO LOOK UP THE LYRICS WITH THE COLOR CODE TO MAKE SURE MY EARS WERENT MESSING WITH ME LEE YUBIN I WILL FALL IN L*VE WITH YOU S T O P THE F CKUING BRIDGE- dami sitting on a piano during that part................ Thinking™ jiu sua and yoohyeon oh pls they sound so good and pleasant to the ears................. it feels like im in a jazzy cafe during the evening and its raining outside im drinking a latte with a cream heart design inside and im wearing a scarf- ALSO JIU SIYEON YOOHYEON AND DAMI TOOK PART IN WRITING THIS TOO BICTH!!!!!!!!!! dami saying this was one of her favorites Y E A H

SAHARA

HERE WE HAVE THE SONG WE MEMED BEFORE WE GOT IT but like that ‘SA HA RA~ RA RA RA~’ part is SUPER CATCHY siyeon and gahyeon and sua holy damn i- siyeon during the second verse AND HER HIGH NOTE ma’am im love you- also SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER DAMI RISE 2.0 i dunno what it is with dami with her raps being like this but im not even mad????????? i feel like thats an unpopular opinion something about that instrumental that guitar is hitting a part of my heart that i wanna hear it and then those drums it sounds SO COOL

In the Frozen

HERES ANOTHER FKCUING BANGER THAT GRABBED MY NECK AND WOULDNT LET. GO. like i literally fell off my GODDAMN BED HEARING THIS S HIT GOT MY HEART PUMPING AND S HIT its that flower line whatever it is that siyeon yoohyeon and sua do GOOD LORD and then dami???????? miss?????????? THE ENDING PORTION OH LISTEN- WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH THE INSTRUMENTAL HOLY SH IT AND DAMI SAYING ‘LIMIT NO MORE’ AND ALL IT REALLY DIDNT HAVE TO GO THAT HARD F U C K-

새벽 (Daybreak)

now this is a song that could heal souls- its not super slow like a ballad but it has like a lowkey jazz lo-fi (???) feel to it and their vocals are super gentle and smooth are these angels- i dunno what it is about all these songs and the second verses like this one is good too??????? especially yoohyeon U H i felt that in mY BONES i can definitely see this song as one i would go to when i wanna relax to or even fall asleep to bc its so soothing

Outro

THIS HITS REALLY DIFFERENT AND I LIKE IT I DUNNO WHAT IT IS IT JUST FEELS NICE IN MY EARS

LIKE i was expecting this album to be SUPER INCREDIBLE COME ON ITS DREAMCATCHER YKNOW but i didnt think itd be THIS incredible this group is just so full of surprises and are just the MOST HIDDEN GEMS its unfortunate they really arent very known trying to be a little critical ofc there are SOME things that could be different theres nothing absolutely and truly perfect ever- personally i am IN LOVE with this album theyve topped themselves from their last comeback which like HOLY S HIT however will this be the comeback that will get them their first win? ..................... to be honest its hard to tell i was so hopeful last comeback and yknow stuff happened OFC I DO HOPE AND WISH THEYLL WIN but whats most important (at least to me) is that i enjoy their music and enjoy all the content they give and appreciate their work and their voices

IN CONCLUSION: PLEASE YALL ALWAYS MAKE ME SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and like before i must bring this back:

[felixslovelee]

comparing hand sizes w lee felix alt au

requested by @monbebestay1525 : Hi I love the comparing hand size with Felix can you do one we’re it’s the opposite where the reader is older than him but she has smaller hands 😅

hi i'm so so sorry this took so long :((( hope u enjoy tho !! also Tumblr won't let me edit it i'm so sorry :((

summary : 10thmember! au- a vlive with the boys where you compare hands with felix, and his hands are bigger but you're older

warnings : cursing

• a group live show will be fun, they said

• they were w r o n g

• ofc it was all fun until felix started reading comments

• everyone was playing board games

• and you were winning at everything, of course

• okay maybe you were definitely losing at everything but you'll never admit it

• you're highly competitive okay

• and the boys can be mean :(

• they love you tho

• anyways

• felix started reading comments from the viewers

• they started off simple, like "stop being so cute"

• then one was "y/n compare hand sizes with felix ;)"

• idk how felix read the winky face but he DID OKAY

• he gave you this l o o k

• you're older than him he needs to be more fucking RESPECTFUL loser

• you were concerned like maybe he was constipated or something

• then out of nowhere he yells "Y/N PLEASE COMPARE HANDS WITH ME, STAYS DEMAND IT"

• you had been playing jenga with chan and woojin, carefully removing one of the blocks when he screamed at you

• it scared you so bad you knocked the entire tower over

• FELIX YOU LITTLE FUCKER

• anyways you gave him a stern look, then sighed and said "fine. get over here then, loser"

• he ran over to you and put his hand up almost like a high five, giving you a funny face

• you rolled your eyes and put your hand to his

• and your hand? s m a l l e r

• OH MY GOD

• you're never living this down

• felix gave you the biggest SHIT EATING GRIN-

• this boy you SWEAR-

• he laughed so hard at this and fell on the ground

• the vlive comment were going INSANE

• you were so flustered oh my god

• felix finally got out of his laughing fit and stood back up

• he got all up in your face (on his tippy toes tho cuz he's short)

• then this BITCH had the nerve to say to you

• "maybe i'm actually older than you"

• THIS BITCHHHH

• you made a face at him and jokingly pushed him away from you

• he ran and you chased him down and sat on his back

• r e v e n g e

• you made him apologize before letting him back up

• the other members were watching you two and hyunjin was rolling on the floor laughing

• he did apologize so you let him back up

• you ruffled his hair after letting him back up

• he may be a dumbass but you love him

[achtung-attitude]

CHAPTER 20: Feel Good Inc - Part 2

From the deep gash punctured into Trish’s sternum by SATURN BARZ, steam rises as her flesh turns to garishly-red liquid. The fat beneath her white skin sizzles and pops. This is the only sound. Her mouth hangs open wide, but she does not scream. It smells like bacon.

“What the hell did you do?” Moya murmurs. Kilo glances at her, then back at Trish. He is dumbstruck, eyes unblinking in silent horror. Tarantula steps away from the scene, staring and smirking. 

Finally, Trish makes a sound. “Ss… ssss…!!” she stammers, almost hissing, then she sharply inhales. All of the air siphons out of the hole in her chest. Her eyes glaze over, going into shock. She is going to die.

“SsSPICE GIRL!!” she shouts, her vision focussing. SPICE GIRL emerges at her command and drives a punch right into her wound. Frantically, the Stand unleashes a barrage of fists into Trish’s body, crying out a desperate “WANNABEEEE!!!” The flurry of attacks throws Trish towards where Moya stands. Her body changes in mid-air. She begins to morph, twisting, elongating. Her very bones turn into silly putty. Moya braces herself and tries to catch her, but Trish immediately slips out of them, falling on to the ground to form a vaguely human shaped puddle.

“Jesus, what…?” Moya says, marveling at the sight before her, “What did you do? Why would your own Stand attack you?”

Through sheer willpower, Trish forces the muscles of her face to reform enough to reply. “S-ss-SATURN BARZ… forces matter to ch-change it’s form… th-that last attack was meant to make s-solid into liquid…! I-It was m-melting me, but… S-SPICE GIRL’s ability can make things semi-solid to b-begin with… it was a gamble, but I w-was able to cancel it out… l-like an open circuit, i-in an electrical current, blocked with r-rubber… B-but, if I change back, th-then the circuit will c-close again… SATURN BARZ will reactivate, and then…”

“You’re crazy…!” Moya exclaims, “How do you even think of something like this?” 

A high whistling sound is heard. Tarantula stands with his hands on his hips, looking at Trish’s new form. “Not gonna lie, that was actually pretty cool.” He turns his head towards the sounds of heavy, panicked breathing, coming from Kilo. 

Kilo does his best to keep his eyes on his enemy, but he steals quick, frantic glances. At Trish’s distorted form. At Shizuka and Jerome, wide-eyed and scared. Sweat runs down his face. Hi hands tremor. He is far less sure than he was before. 

“You look tense,” Tarantula says. “You need to sit down?”

“Shut. Up.” he replies, hissing through clenched teeth. 

“... I don’t think I like that look you’re giving me. You ain’t gonna blame me for that just now, are you, pendejo? You’re the one that threw the punch.”

“I SAID SHUT UP!!!”

“Make me.” His teeth gleam in a smile like an animal’s snarl. When Kilo doesn’t move, he continues. “So, are you getting déja vu too, right now? Or is it just me? Isn’t this basically what happened last time? You get carried away with yourself, get involved with shit that you shouldn’t, and now someone else is paying for it.”

“Y-you…!”

“I’m not blaming you.” Tarantula’s smile fades, and he looks at Kilo straight on. “It’s your nature. It’s my nature. Who is to blame when a storm wipes a town off the map? Who is to blame when a predator brings down its prey? This is who you really are. That’s why your friend died that night. And it’s why your friends are dying today.”

Now, Kilo is the one who can not breathe. He looks as though he is on the verge of tears.

“You can’t help yourself. This was always gonna happen. Why deny it now? Embrace it. You bring ruin to those around you.” He smiles gently. “Just like me.”

The moment he says this, ACHTUNG BABY flickers into existence right in front of him. It delivers a swift punch to his jaw before disappearing again, sending Tarantula back a step. He rubs his cheek. “Ow,” he says. The attack dealt no real damage. The back-step was made only in surprise. “That almost hurt…”

“Don’t talk…” comes the shaky voice. 

“Shizuka…” Kilo mutters. 

Shizuka pulls herself into a sitting position on the floor, having rolled herself off of the comfortable couch. She raises a shivering hand and points it at Tarantula. She glares with pallid features. It is plain to see she is barely keeping herself conscious. 

“Don’t talk… as if you know him…! You don’t know anything about him! Kilo is… NOTHING like you…! Who do you think you are…? Kilo… is kind! I won’t let you come in here, and talk nonsense like that…! Ugh--”

She is cut off by a fluorescent green foot to the face. She blinks out of consciousness and collapses to her side with blood running from her nose. 

“Shizu-!!” groans Jerome, clutching his belly. 

“We were having a serious conversation, you vapid little valley-girl. Nobody asked you.” Tarantula scowls, then turns back to Kilo. “I think it’s time…” “You… you motherfucker…!” Kilo grind his teeth.

“Shh,” he says, raising a finger to his lips, “too slooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww--”

Second become hours as his sense become poisoned by FEEL GOOD INC. Once again, he watches his enemy saunter towards him, his Stand’s scythe hand raised over its head. The Stand moves its normal hand to its mouth and lets out another cloud of noxious fumes. 

Kilo blocked the attack before, but then he was driven by revenge and rage. The scythe descends on him, and he remembers Venice Beach and WITCH MOUNTAIN. The darkness that filled his head and blocked out all thoughts aside from his guilt. He decides, in the moment FEEL GOOD INC.s’ blade cut into him, that Venice Beach was nothing compared to his guilt now; having failed his friends once again.

Moya jumps to her feet away from puddle-Trish and sprints to aid him, but FEEL GOOD INC. throws the ball of fumes in her face. She too falls victim to the Stand’s power. Tarantula’s lips move, and she realizes he is speaking slowly enough for her to understand. “Aanyythhhiiingg tooo ssayyy??”

She winces. Then, looking past him, Moya notices something that Tarantula hasn’t, and closes her eyes. “...Bienaventurados los que procuran la paz.”

He grins. “Amen.” He slashes Moya diagonally across her chest and she falls. Blood splatters on her face and his smile transforms into one of rapturous delight. Trish watches with impotent fury, and Tarantula laughs. His laughter is sharp, sudden, and high-pitched. Then, it stops as quickly as it started and he becomes serious and serene. 

Bowing his head, he clasps his hands together. “O Blessed Mother, O Patron saint of outlaws, Santa Muerte. Guide these souls to their final rest. May they be exalted in thy glory and baptized in thy infinite mercy. In nomine Patris, et Fili, Spiritus Sancti…” 

He remains silent for a moment, head down, hands together. Then, he sniffs, and rubs his bald head. “Main threats neutralized. Now, the stragglers… What the fuck?” He says, turning around to discover that Jerome and Shizuka have disappeared. “... That… human pig. The one Kilo healed. He must have taken the girl and bounced. Ughh, what in the pain in the ass. I suppose they don’t technically pose a threat anymore… but you can’t be too careful,” he concludes, spotting a trail of blood that leads back inside the house.

                                                          ---

Though the wound in his gut has been scabbed over, it is far from healed, and little drops of blood drip down Jerome's hoodie onto the floor. He hobbles forward, with Shizuka slung over his back. He’s not strong by any means, and he also has a recent stab wound, so his progress down the corridor is slow. Shizuka breathes through her mouth, blood streaming from her abused nose.

“I’m telling you, you need to get out of here!” she protests, struggling against him. “That man, he’s… he’s too strong, I don’t think I can beat him!”

“And I’m tellin’ you not to talk!” Jerome protests back. “You prolly got a thing, what ya call it? A concussion, you know, that thing you get when you hit yo head. Just hold still damn it!”

“You’re not thinking of fighting him, are you?... There’s no way!”

“Damn sure, there’s a way. Why not? Mothafucka came to my house, started talkin’ shit and cut up my guests. We’re way past picking a fight now. And I ain’t about to leave you to him.”

“C-King, I’m saying you can’t possibly beat him! You don’t have a Stand, you can’t even see what he’s doing! You don’t stand a chance against him!”

They turn a corner and they reach his front door. Jerome puts Shizuka down and takes a moment to catch his breath. “... I ever tell you what C-King means?”

“What?” Shizuka asks, confused.

Jerome gets up, and reveals a hidden panel in the wall next to the front door. There is a number pad inside, and he continues as he carefully types in a code. “Jerome Adetokunbo. That’s Yoruba. West African name. My great-great-great granddad was a slave, stolen from his land, but he never forgot it. When the slaves was freed, most folks kept the names they was given. White names. But my GG kept his. He never forgot who he was, and he made sure his family never forgot who they was.”

He types in the final digit, and a hidden door opens in the wall. “Adetokunbo. I am ‘the crown from beyond the sea.’ The C-King. And no tattoo-covered, pontificating asshole is gonna come into my castle, and fuck with my guests!”

Shizuka stares, unsure of what to say. Eventually, “... But what can you do?”

Jerome smiles.  “I’m gonna sic my knights on him, that’s what…” He reaches into his front pocket and produces his golden grills, proudly placing them over his teeth.

[thecloserkin]

book review: Marian Veevers, Jane & Dorothy (2018)

Genre: Biography

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: No

Is it endgame: No

Is it shippable: Yes

Bottom line: Y’all fools: Stanning Lord Byron and his half-sister Augusta whom he didn’t even meet until he was nearly grown, never mind whether he actually knocked her up. Me, an intellectual: William and Dorothy Wordsworth are right there, eloping to the countryside and spending the rest of their days holed up in a picturesque cottage composing poetry.

First let’s have a detour where I yell about Crimson Peak (2015, dir. Guillermo del Toro). A few of the recent asks about incest vs. the patriarchy got me thinking about this line from Jane & Dorothy: “the malevolent power of married women over their spinsters-in-law.” Between the wife and the unmarried sister it’s obvious who has more power and it’s clearly not the spinster sister-in-law—and yet Guillermo del Toro would have us believe that Edith in Crimson Peak is helpless before Lucille’s resistance to giving up the skeleton key (the one that opens every room in the house). Edith is made out to be the victim of Lucille’s bloodthirsty unhinged jealousy, when she’s not only THE WIFE she’s got ALL THE MONEY, she’s literally holding all the cards??? It doesn’t add up. This biography is the antidote to that. It looks at the paucity of options open to your average 19th century girl who just wants a Room of One’s Own to write in, and situates her bid for freedom in the context of having no good options. The trouble with “Crimson Peak” was not that Edith wasn’t relatable or that I didn’t identify with her; when Thomas tears her down in that faux-breakup speech he attacks her on the terrain where she’s most vulnerable, her abilities as a writer. The trouble with Crimson Peak was that this beat would have hit so much harder had it landed on Lucille, a woman who’s WAY more vulnerable than Edith by dint of having (1) no marriage prospects and (2) no inheritance. Without Thomas this bitch has (3) no survival strategy either! Otoh take away Thomas and Edith is still left with her dad’s $$$, Edith still has Alan waiting in the wings to swoop in & save her, in other words Edith will be just fine. No wonder Lucille feels so threatened!! The situations are not even comparable. Here then is Jane & Dorothy which offers two case studies of women whose impulse to write & create was just as strong as Edith’s, but whose plight was much closer to Lucille’s ie. precarious as fuck.

I picked this book up because it’s actually a dual biography of Dorothy Wordsworth and Jane Austen, and I’m a basic bitch and Jane Austen is my eternal favorite. I’m going to focus on the Dorothy chapters but rest assured I read the Jane chapters with equal gusto. Jane Austen (b. 1775) and Dorothy Wordsworth (b. 1771) were both born into the British pseudo-gentry, which means they were too highborn to go and get a paying gig as a governess or companion but not highborn enough to have any independent source of income (neither of them had a dowry settled on them). While the two women never crossed paths, the arcs of their lives run in parallel as they pursue divergent strategies to secure their futures. So the primary imperative here is to avoid a life of domestic drudgery. But the secondary imperative, because these are both perceptive girls with rich inner lives, is this:

For an intelligent woman, confined to a society which denies her higher education and restricts her existence largely to the home, the male companion with whom she shares her life is her chief provider, not only of security and affection, but of intellectual stimulation.

This is a popular romance novel plot, do I want to marry a man who is a bore (possibly also a boor) or do I want to starve hmmmm. The point is that women are frequently starved for both affection and intellectual stimulation, and it’s little wonder Dorothy fell so hard for her brother William when he showered her with both. Dorothy and William were separated as children when, after the death of their mother, she was sent to live with an aunt in West Yorkshire (she was seven, he was eight). Nine years later they reconnected and sparks flew almost immediately. I mean I think their letters speak for themselves:

”the last time we were Together William won my Affection to a Degree which I cannot describe.”

What kind of brother needs to “win” his sister’s affection? Most of them treat sisters like furniture.

”Never have my eyes burst upon a scene of particular loveliness,” he wrote, “but I have wished that you could be transported to the place where I stood to enjoy it.”

standard “everything beautiful either reminds me of you, or makes me want to share it with you” pablum but EXTREMELY effective for all that

but enough he is my brother, why should I describe him? I shall be launching again into panegyric

Dorothy: hahaha but don’t you think my brother was looking mighty fiiiiiine today

”his attentions to me were such as the most insensible of mortals must have been touched with”

”I assure you so eager is my desire to see you that all obstacles vanish. I see you in a moment running or rather flying to my arms.”

That letter is from William, and you have to remember that William was supposed to be a huge dick who routinely ignored his friends’ missives leaving them in suspense whether he was alive or dead and yet he managed a lively & regular correspondence with Dorothy for years before they moved in together. It’s almost like he treated her … special.

”that sympathy which will almost identify us when we have stole to our little cottage”

These kids are already plotting their elopement jfc! Here are some snippets from Dorothy’s diary from much later, after they have in fact achieved The Dream of their own cottage:

”After dinner we made a pillow of my shoulder, I read to him and my Beloved slept.”

”The fire flutters and the watch ticks and I hear nothing save the Breathing of my Beloved and he now and then pushes his book forward and turns over a leaf.” It is a picture of domestic contentment such as Jane Austen draws to portray a genuinely happy marriage.

”After we came in we sat in deep silence at the window — I on a chair and William with his hand on my shoulder. We were deep in Silence and love, a blessed hour.”

This is literally #goals. Veevers points out that “the conflation of marriage with home, spinsterhood with insecurity” meant that “William was promising the kind of permanence and safety which women usually found in marriage.” Dorothy really thought she could Have It All: a home of her own and a rich, stimulating intellectual life shared with the man she loved. And she proceeded to spend the rest of her life making fair copies of his poems. Hell, she pushed him to be a poet in the first place (it was not at all clear initially that this was the best plan for William, who could just have easily have embarked on a career as a political polemicist, but it was Dorothy who pushed him to be a poet, Dorothy who spent the rest of her life copying out his verses in her fairer hand). Early on Dorothy & William befriended the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who was so envious of their bond that he complained, “You have all in each other, but I am lonely, and want you!” Can you b e l i e v e Coleridge actually said that. If one of you hoes doesn’t write me the William/Dorothy Historical RPF that’s Coleridge Outsider POV I s2g I will do my damnedest to die of consumption.

Veveers sums it up this way: “It was a relationship few women would be able to have with their husbands, for, at the time, the two sexes were expected to inhabit different mental landscapes.” To put it bluntly women had ovaries instead of brains; they just weren’t interested in the same stuff a man was. Otoh you have William and Dorothy Wordsworth, actual soulmates: the historical consensus is there is “some uncertainty as to whether she would be best described as muse, emotional support, secretary or co-author.” And she didn’t hide it, either. This is where you really see the difference between Dorothy, who is so open, and Austen heroines like Eleanor Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility), Fanny Price (Mansfield Park) or Anne Eliot (Persuasion) who also feel things deeply but had to regulate the bejeezus out of their emotional responses. This is Dorothy:

After any separation her joy at meeting her brother again was uncontrollable. “I believe I screamed,” she admitted on one occasion when there were witnesses.

Uncontrollable screaming in front of witnesses every time she’s reunited with her brother??? WE STAN. This is how low Dorothy’s spirits sink whenever he’s gone:

”I slept in Wm.’s bed, and I slept badly, for my thoughts were full of William.”

adkfjdkfjdkfjdk I just want to add that when William is home the floorboards are so thin that she can hear him pacing in the bedroom above hers, so his insomnia keeps both of them up at night but she doesn’t mind, she can’t sleep until he falls asleep, she would probably give up a kidney or a lung if she thought it would sell 500 more copies for him. I’m torn between GIRL HE AIN’T WORTH IT and stanning her even harder for being so ride or die on any topic that touches her brother (later, when he has kids, she decides William’s kids are smarter and better-looking than everyone else’s kids).

This is the most iconic line in the entire book, from a letter Dorothy writes to an interfering relative who deplores Dorothy’s judgment for throwing in her lot with a penniless failson like William:

”I affirm that I consider the character and virtues of my brother sufficient protection”

The icily scathing tone of the setdown is PERFECTION. But also, this just in your brother abandoned his pregnant Catholic mistress in France. You know this. Yet here you are gallivanting around the countryside in his company. In fact, when he proves too much of a coward to tell your uncle himself about the existence of said pregnant mistress—this is the uncle who funded all of William’s education and reasonably expects some return on it—he delegates Dorothy to break the news. Dorothy also winds up in charge of all correspondence with the poor girl, who writes occasionally asking for a little money or when is William coming back to France to marry me, and it’s Dorothy who has to fob her off. And this whole incident—the revelation of the French mistress, the break with the family, William refusing to take holy orders to become a clergyman—is so pivotal in their relationship! They were close before but this is the irrevocable step when Dorothy decides to join her fate to his. And her motivation could not be clearer:

William’s outspoken affection for her seems to have first aroused a reciprocal love in Dorothy, but it was his fall from grace, his isolation and his need of a friend, which provided the final catalyst that raised her gradually deepening affection into wholehearted, single-minded devotion.

She saw his need and responded almost involuntarily. She is a RESCUER.

Dorothy, was in one way, very fortunate to have fallen in love with her brother. “Rambling around the country on foot” with a slightly disreputable brother might bring down the censure of her more conventional relatives, but it was a good deal safer than rambling about with a man who was not a brother.

This is the kind of behavior that if two unrelated people engaged in it must have resulted in the man being honor-bound to extend an offer of marriage, because a woman has nothing if she doesn’t have her virtue. Two siblings roaming the countryside, picking flowers and wading thru streams and stargazing? My god what PRIME fodder for fake married tropes! Just present yourself at the first inn you come to as a married couple and then guess what? There was only one bed!!!!

at Grasmere “there was an unnatural tale current of Wordsworth … having been intimate with his own sister.”

tell me MOAR omg this is so deliciously Gothic i keep thinking about that line from Wuthering Heights “whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

at Alfoxton, “the master of the house,” it was said, “had no wife with him, but only a woman who passes for his sister.”

PASSES for his sister trololololol like they don’t act the way you’d expect of a brother and sister, like they’re too into each other.

And it was generally accepted that immorality and radical anti-British sentiment went together.

But really William got much more staid and less radical as he got older, and Dorothy was never political because her energies were centered on William William William. On top of which it’s hard to overlook the fact that William would go into Dorothy’s journals and “borrow” her words and publish them verbatim as his own; he felt as entitled to her intellectual labor as her domestic labor, and there is nothing radically egalitarian about that. So I definitely don’t think this is a case where incest is subversive so much as incest illuminating existing hierarchies & oppressions. Veveers writes: “An unmarried woman’s hold on her own time was extremely fragile. She could be made use of in any crisis, transported against her wishes” to fulfill another family members’ needs. Jane Austen’s sister Cassandra evidently shouldered both their weights when it came to this sort of emotional labor: writing letters of thanks & condolence, minding their brothers’ children, calming hypochondriac aunts down, attending births of little nephews & nieces. Cassandra doing all this extra labor gave Jane the space and time to write. Moreover Jane had formed the ambition to write. Dorothy, on the other hand, thought anything worth saying was already being said by William. And she didn’t have her own Cassandra to share the unceasing burden of housework with:

In fact, the domestic labor and childcare that lay ahead of Dorothy were almost indistinguishable from the duties she had escaped at Forncett rectory. But now she was to be living in a home she had chosen, with a man she loved.

Did it matter in the end, Dorothy’s rebellion? If she’d remained a hanger-on in her uncle’s household, living on his charity, her life would not have been outwardly all that different. I have to believe that her choices did matter, of course. It would be easy to sit here and speculate that if Dorothy had not poured all her mental and physical resources into supporting William’s career, she too might have produced another Pride & Prejudice, but naturally we cannot know that. What we know is that Dorothy and William were 100% in love, a fact that anyone with a modicum of reading comprehension can verify by reading their letters. Why is this not more widely discussed? William Wordsworth was not exactly an obscure poet. The explanation, again, comes back to patriarchy:

The idea that Dorothy might have inspired (or felt) desire at Dove Cottage was as abhorrent to mid-20th century academics as it was to gentlemen of the early 19th century … who preferred to think of unmarried women drooping and degenerating after the age of 25, rather than maintaining a subversive and disturbing sexuality.

I wish I could say that William and Dorothy grew old together at Dove Cottage. What actually happened is he got married (she talked him into it—she chose a mutual friend of theirs whom they’d known for ages) and accidentally fell in love with his wife oops. His new wife was neither young nor pretty, in fact she was painfully plain, but that William became genuinely attached to her there can be no doubt. Dorothy continued to live with them and look after their children until her death. So I think we have avoided the worst case scenario, the malevolent-power-of-the-married-woman-ruins-her-spinster-in-law’s-life scenario: This is what happened to Jane Austen when Jane’s father unexpectedly announced his retirement, uprooting Jane and Cassandra from the Steventon rectory where they’d lived all their lives and forcibly removing them to Bath, where Jane was so miserable she did no writing for years. All this upheaval on account of Jane’s brother and his wife wanting the Steventon rectory and its income for their own! The accursed woman was probably measuring the drapes before she’d moved in. Anyway, it is fortunate this open enmity did not characterize Dorothy Wordsworth’s relationship with her sister in law; they were fast friends and they remained friends after the latter’s marriage to William. But instead of William-and-Dorothy forming the nucleus of life at Dove Cottage now it was William-and-Mary, and if this did not sting at least a little Dorothy would not be human. She had been supplanted in William’s heart. I CRY.

Because I’m literal shipper trash I want to end on the bittersweet note of SIBLINGS EXCHANGING RINGS AS A SYMBOL OF COMMITMENT EVEN THO THEY CAN’T LEGALLY GET MARRIED. This is Dorothy’s description of the morning of William and Mary’s wedding, right before they leave the house to attend the ceremony:

”I gave him the wedding ring—with how deep a blessing! I took it from my forefinger where I had worn it the whole of the night before—he slipped it again onto my finger and blessed me fervently.” It might be said that William married her before he married Mary, and that Dorothy was making a promise in that upstairs room try like the one Mary was about to make in church.

it’s been two months since I read this book and i’m STILL SCREECHING byeeeee

[girlbookwrm]

i DO recommend these fics, but this ISN’T actually a rec list

a while ago i did a meta about Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier and Hydra and the headcanons I put in The Terror of Knowing, and I mentioned that I wanted to compile a long-ass list of fics that inspired The Hundred Year Playlist and ppl (hi @conlatio and @marveluc) asked about it SO HERE, AT LONG FUCKING LAST, IT IS.

Fanfiction, like every other art form that has ever existed in the history of ever, is all about synthesis: combining pre-existing elements to make something new. It’s the making something new thing that’s exciting. (If you’re not making something new with your found material, that’s called plaigiarism and it’s distinctly uncool.)

When I was in college and grad school, if we used material from other scholars to make a new idea, we made sure to include a bibliography. 

Now this is fic, so like. Everyone knows that we’re using found material. We put the fandom in the tags and everything. But there’s a lot of unseen inspiration, because it’s harder to tag all the fics and metas you read that gave you ideas and inspiration along the way.

I’m... making an attempt.

These are some, SOME of the fics that inspired the headcanons and characterizations and whatnot that then got incorporated into THYP. I’ve been reading MCU fic since 2014 (possibly earlier) and I didn’t even start thinking about THYP until 2017, so there’s probably a lot of stuff that went into my subconscious that I’ve forgotten about. I’m @ing the authors and sources when I know them, but if any of yall want me to like, un-@you (is that a thing??) or if any of you know of authors who have tumblrs that I DIDN’T @ but should have, pls let me knoooowwww

A (Probably Incomplete, but at least Attempted) Fanfic Bibliography for The Hundred Year Playlist

by Seriously I Don’t Have More Important Things To Do? Astonishing.

PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS IN THE FICS THEMSELVES. THYP may be rated T for Teen (and even that I debate about tbh, given all the swears and violence) but most of these fics are very emphatically not.  some of them will probably squick you out, some of them might be triggering, so take care of yourselves.

I’ve divided the list into sections by the story they inspired, but all of these stories inspired all the parts of THYP, this is a very very very rough categorization. Think of it as my fanfic n headcanon spice rack. some stories are going to have more or less of one spice or another.

Dreamers With Empty Hands

All the Angels and the Saints by @cesperanza

"You're a brutal person, you know that? You're always rummaging through my guts with your bare hands!" and then Bucky turned away, his long, muscled back curving as he sat on the edge of the bed, hunched and struggling for breath. Steve wanted to draw him, and he also wanted to blot the image from his memory: this picture of Bucky in despair.

Speranza’s Socialist Steve is deeply flawed in a way that people don’t usually write him and i love it so much??? He’s angry, and egotistical, and righteous in a way that’s hard on the people around him and I was like YESGOOD MORE PLS. It’s also a masterful example of how to write a story that’s ostensibly Steve-POV but still manages to make Bucky not only a main player, but a driving force. It’s about Steve, on the surface, sure. But it’s also about Bucky, because Steve is about Bucky and I just *clenches fist* love it.

cascades. 

This fic. THIS FIC. Hngh. Okay so this fic is good on so many levels, but for THYP, the takeaway was me very gently lifting the Bucky-Steve-Barnes Family dynamic and then adding more swears to get to my take on the Bucky-Steve-Barnes Family Dynamic. Namely: 

“Steve was a bit of a Barnes, too, wasn’t he,” she says.

“He was ours,” says Rebecca, shrugging. “We were his.”

i crie???

More Man Than You

“You’re very pretty,” she said, and Steve tensed up.

“I’m not a fairy.”

“No, you’re not, are you?”

this fic has a study guide. and that’s literally all I feel I need to say about it. It’s an exploration of queer culture and masculinity in the 30s and 40s, thinly veiled as stucky fanfiction. (It’s also pretty brutal so I’ll reiterate that you need to heed the goddamn warnings)

Also, lest yall think I came up with Billy Thompson in a vacuum, I didn’t. In this fic, there’s a violent mob runner called Duke, and Steve comes up with a plan to take him down, and Bucky makes sure that there’s a Different plan that Steve doesn’t know about.  It’s all executed a little differently in this fic, but the idea lodged in my brain and got reused in THYP, and kind of became a central theme.

Good Morning Heartache, What’s New?

The Night War by @praximeter

IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. This is... honestly, just one of the finest pieces of fiction i just 

HNNNNGH

I don’t know that I can point to any specific part of this fic and say “this gave me that idea” it was more the... the feel of it. The way the Normandy invasion is written and the way the trauma is handled and the way Steve is just slightly to the left of being a real soldier and especially this:

He asked me with a smile on his face what goes through my mind when I line up my shot—God and country? Pearl Harbor? Uncle Sam? —and I stared at him struck dumb from the question so long that I think he thought I was just plain stupid. The fact is that it is none of those things—not even close. It is sick, numb fear and careful, barely breathing so that I don’t miss. I must never miss. And then when I shoot, an awful thought curls up from my trigger finger to my heart “how many mothers must be praying I will miss?”

The Thirteen Letters

oh you didn’t really think that Not Easily Conquered wasn’t going to be on this list, didja? OF COURSE IT’S ON THE LIST. But possibly not for the reason you might think. That fic is legen-fucking-dary of course, and the scene where Steve gets stabbed was obviously very inspirational for that bit in GMHWN where Steve gets shot in the thigh, but the scene that really got teeth into my brain and Would Not Let Go was the one where the Howlies meet the Winged Victory of Samothrace and 

Bucky knows the truth now. It is a deep and insurmountable truth. She has no face. Like the operative whose head he beat in, like the boy who he killed one month into active duty, even like Bucky himself, Nike is faceless. Bucky feels unprepared, or like he should have brought an offering.

Beside him Steve quakes before the oldest and the only god.

look my fixation with statues didn’t come from nowhere is what i’m saying ok

Sincerely, Your Pal

This fic haunts me because i hate the ending. not because it’s not good (It IS good) or because it’s not the right ending for the story (it IS the right ending for the story) but just because i  h a t e  i t. I just like happy endings is all, and resolutions, and this fic is why THYP will have a happy ending.

But also, I really liked the way this fic dealt with Bucky in Basic and lines like this really caught in my brain:

And of course I want to kill some Nazis I guess but not because they’re people. Not because I actually want people to die because I don’t.

And that sentiment definitely fed into how I write Bucky especially.

The Terror of Knowing

there must have been a moment by @redstarwhitestar (magdaliny’s marvel sideblog)

Listen, I’ve been trying to make sure that there’s a good spread of writers on this list but magdaliny is the exception. Magdaliny is the exception for a lot of things and there must have been a moment when we could have said no is always the first fic I think of when I think of a fic about Bucky’s time as the Soldier. Which is ironic, because it’s very much about his time after that, but that first chapter made uhhhhhhhhhhh an impression.

The fractured nature of the narrative, the way that the reader can piece together a coherent timeline but the main character can’t... that was very influential on TTOK. example:

“Kill him,” the officer says.

The subject says: “Why?”

☙

“Kill him,” the officer says.

The subject makes a mess.

☙

“Kill him cleanly,” the officer says. “Good! Good lad.”

I’ll build a house inside of you

Another magdaliny G I F T, an AU where Nat is much younger and Bucky is her dad, and if you think that didn’t affect the way I write Bucky and Nat’s relationship in THYP, then you are dreaming. 

Past the praises of the handlers, above the hot wet smell of cordite and blood, Natalia can hear crashing and shouting down the hall.

“—goddamn animals, they're little girls, they're just kids, you fucking—”

Her father screams in English, in Mandarin, in Russian, and then he just screams.

I know that’s a super sad excerpt but listen and hear me when I say this fic is actually really good and wholesome and it’s got A+++ OCs and All The Widows and it’s just really good ok

Memory

Bucky is hard AF to write and very few people write him half so well as magdaliny but one of those people is emilyenrose and this fic is M A S T E R F U L. Bittersweet and achingly perfect. It contains this beautiful moment that really stuck with me, where Steve is comparing the post WS “James” to the Pre War “Bucky” and realizes... 

He truly hadn't known James all that well. James hadn't let him. Hadn't wanted him to. Hadn't wanted anyone near him, ever—

—the way Bucky went, when he was miserable, when he was angry...

and that, to me, was kind of key when I went on to write the Soldier, because the Soldier IS Bucky, even when he isn’t.

Fool For Sacrifice

Dona Nobis Pacem

THIS GODDAMN FIC came to me outta FUCKING NOWHERE, I’d already written the first draft for FFS, I’d already started posting it, for crying out loud. And then all of a sudden I stumble upon THIS and i just

It’s already fading, just hours after the skirmish.  And the wounds Sam stitched will heal without a mark.  And the welts on Steve’s chest will disappear.  Like all of it never happened. 

Fuck the serum. He keeps thinking it, saying it.  Maybe if there were some goddamn scars, it’d be easier to process the damage.

This fic is heavy af, it’s like the 65k word version of That Chapter in FFS Where Steve Hits Rock Bottom. This was the fic I read when I was ramping myself up to tackle That Moment

three white horses

This is the other fic I read to ramp up for That Scene, and I think that probably shows in the way I wrote it. It is also is a Strong Contender for the title of Heavyweight Fic That Convinced Me Buck Is Jewish. Honestly I cannot praise this fic enough.

I think the thing that stuck hardest about the Steve in three white horses is the way he feels ghostly himself, like he’s only drifting through the present, and somehow most of his living happens in the past. It’s very beautifully done, and very subtly done, and it’s my go to fic if I am in Dire Need of a Good Clean Crie.

It’s getting an extra long excerpt because This Is My List And Neither God Nor Man Can Stop Me.

Steve's fingers touch metal when he reaches into the second-to-last box, and he feels the blood drain out of his face even before he's looked down. He knows the feel of it too well. He'd know it blind, a hundred years from now. It's Bucky's not-a-medal.

It'd been Bucky's grandfather's, or maybe his great-grandfather's, made of the kind of sterling silver that tarnishes if you look at it funny, so Bucky had always been polishing it; he'd traded cigarettes to the mess staff for baking soda and vinegar, during the war, but the thing was still soot-black half the time, like it is now. It'd been a fool's errand, wearing a thing like that in Axis territory, but Bucky'd worn it on his chain like the rest of the guys wore their Christophers and Michaels, and HYDRA'd ignored it. It was a subtle thing, though: nothing like wearing a Magen David, or the implacable H on Bucky's tags, just a thin slice of metal with a stylized branch and an oblique squiggle Steve only knows is the Hebrew word for life because Bucky told him so.

Bucky'd had a curious mix of reverence and irreverence about it, the same mixture that seemed to colour the whole of his religious life. He'd teased Steve sometimes, saying, “No, wait, you gotta kiss it before you enter the building, you schmuck, what are you, some kinda heathen?” with his legs around Steve's waist. Bucky hadn't complained when Steve had carried on with an inch of silver between his teeth, but Steve had offhandedly called it Bucky's good luck charm once, and Bucky'd blown up; it's not a superstition, he said, it's not a fucking amulet. He'd apologized later, and he'd explained, and said it was a touchy subject, just ingrained. Jews weren't supposed to believe in luck. Bucky'd thought maybe it was the opposite: maybe luck didn't believe in Jews.

Sparked Up Like a Book of Matches

AH YES, THE FIC THAT TAUGHT ME ABOUT LIL AUDREY JOKES. SIPPY CUPS OF SUPERBOOZE! A ROBOT CALLED SHITCAN!! WHAT MORE COULD YOU NEED IN A FIC??? I really like the way it addresses Steve being in the future is all

This one could probably also fall into the list of fics that inspired DWEH, in part because of This, which stuck with me Hard and heavily influenced the opening:

“...You ever have scarlet fever?"

Sam shakes his head.

"It starts in your throat, like an itch, and as your fever starts to climb, your tongue swells up and turns white and that's when they know, really, even before the rash, that it's scarlet fever. You can't swallow, it hurts so much. You're freezing and your joints ache and your fever keeps spiking and you start to hallucinate. I, uh, I thought things were crawling on me and there were voices that I didn't recognize whispering things that didn't make any sense. My mom had to fight me just to get me to drink broth, but I threw it up most of the time, anyway. Then I got pneumonia from being so worn down from the scarlet fever and I was so lucky, Sam. Nobody seems to understand how I lucky I was to make it through. Talking to people today, to make them understand I'd have to tell them I survived bird flu only to fall sick with Ebola."

listen. For reasons I can’t fully explain, I really wanted to read that happening so i wrote it, and this is what being a writer is All About.

Actually, on a second thought, I might be able to explain it: it’s because an experience like that is Capital F Formative, and I really wanted to explore how there’s a tiny sick kid rattling around inside Captain Beefcake’s souped up bod.

(And an additional shoutout to Steve Rogers’ American Captain, a webcomic that now exists only in the Wayback Machine, but which was L O V E L Y and I sincerely hope that the artist knows that)

No Hope for the Weary

Strays

This fic? is so fluffy?? Like literally so fluffy. But this fic (and, obviously, Infinite Coffee) were very much behind the inclusion of the God Damn Starbucks, and also the source of a lot of my headcanons about Barnes & Rogers: Secret Millennials. For Example: Bucky’s Notes on How To Be A Millennial:

- Lots of coffee. Travel mugs or paper cups from Starbucks place. Often looks guilty for drinking, obv derive pleasure from doing so. Unknown as to why. Investigate further? Why is there one every two blocks if no one wants it there? 

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail

This is another fandom classic that needs very little introduction. A+ characterization, A+ OCs, Utterly Charming from start to finish, and the originator of a very distinct way of talking that got very strongly coded in my brain as Winter Soldier Bucky.

He passes within 4 m of Barnes on his way back to his building. The mission imperative achieves a Doppler effect.

contactContactCONTACTContactcontact

Aw.

If They Haven’t Learned Your Name by @silentwalrus1

If I had to point to one (1) fic and say “Blame This Fic for THYP” it would be this one: the Fic that my roommate and The Gal Pal know as “The One With the USS Motherfucker.” This might seem like an odd statement, because if you’ve read them both, I don’t think you’d necessarily put them in the same class. silentwalrus is a genius of hilarity and THYP is a big pile of The Sads. ITHLYN is delightfully unassuming and I’m sometimes embarrassed by how pretentious THYP ended up being. 

I would technically put this under the list of fics that heavily influenced NHFTW on account of the way it portrays Bucky going by gradual degrees from murderbot to mostly human person, but listen I could never write Cryptid!Bucky the way Silentwalrus has. It’s magnificent. And TBH the level of Intensity in ITHLYN’s Steve has is something I aspire to, and the Sam Characterization is On Point, and both those things influenced FFS, 112%. Nat’s Chaotic Slav Energy in this fic is OFF THE GODDAMN CHARTS and I LOVE IT. Every single side character, down to the spaceship is given the kind of care, attention, and characterization that just... it cannot be beat, my dudes.

16/10 highest recommendation. I could not possibly pick a single paragraph from this behemoth but uhhhhh

Two minutes in there’s a grunt and a slippery, gritty noise somewhere to her left, and then the Soldier barrels past at breakneck speed, vanishing down another tunnel. A second later Steve careens around the corner, bounces off the opposite wall and crashes away after him, so fast he’s nearly a blur. Natasha’s brain, entirely of its own accord, provides her with the utterly unhelpful accompaniment of a Yakety Sax soundtrack.

that’s it. that’s the fic.

Also, this fic is Stoutly To Blame for the playlist aspect of the hundred year playlist? Silentwalrus really got me good with Grounds for Divorce by Elbow, one of my all time favorite songs, which was then paired with one of my all time favorite chapters. By the time Caravan Palace’s Lone Digger made an appearance, I was sunk. This fic introduced me to Lyube, and gave me a new appreciation(?) for dubstep. So many of the songs ITHLYN used ended up in my Very Long Stucky Playlist, though I think the only one that then went on to become part of the Hundred Year Playlist: Upside Down and Inside Out by OK GO.

And Finally, the Coup De What The Fuck Ever:

Ain’t No Grave by @spitandvinegar

yet another fandom classic... I wasn’t sure where to put this fic, but I couldn’t NOT include it in the list. Spitandvinegar’s Steve is charming and so? Sweet? and the ANG Bucky is a delightful foulmouthed mess of a person, and the Sam/Claire pairing is something I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED, BUT I VERY MUCH NEEDED IT and I don’t know that I can point to a single thing and be like: Ah Yes, This Bit, but this is definitely one of my faves:

Imagine you live in this country, right? And there's a brutal war, and you witness and maybe participate in a horrific amount of violence, and you lose absolutely everyone you care about. Then you end up in this other country, where the culture and ways of doing things are completely foreign to you, and random assholes make fun of you for how you dress and act and talk while you're still coming to grips with the fact that everyone you love is gone and you can never go home again. Meanwhile, everyone around you is like "smile, motherfucker, you're in the Land of Plenty now, where there's a Starbucks on every corner and 500 channels on TV. You should be grateful! Why aren't you acting more grateful?" So you have to pretend to be grateful while you're dying inside. Sound like an traumatized, orphaned refugee? Also sounds like Steve fucking Rogers, Captain Goddamn America. Except that most refugees were part of a community of other people who were going through the same thing. Steve is all alone, the last damn unicorn, if the last unicorn had horrible screaming nightmares about the time when it helped to liberate Buchenwald.

Usually this explanation yields a "huh." People don't want Sad Refugee Steve: they want Captain America, Indestructible Defender of Freedom. But that doesn't mean that Sam isn't right, because he is right, goddamnit. So yeah, Sam's a little protective of Steve. And if the last unicorn finds out that its best damn unicorn friend in the whole world is actually alive, then damn straight, Sam's heading out with a tranq gun and bringing that damn unicorn in and starting a goddamn unicorn wildlife refuge in his backyard. Or something like that: at a certain point the metaphor kind of gets away from him.

Til The End of the Timeline

I’ve recced this so many times you’ve probably all gotten sick of hearing about it, but it’s an invaluable goddamn resource and you should all check it out. 

A Shit Ton of Metas and Blogs, some of which are tagged with THYP Research but especially @steve-rogers-new-york and @hansbekhart‘s How To Brooklyn and @historicallyaccuratesteve

and last but certainly not least

LITERALLY EVERYTHING @quietnighty READS HOLY SHIT

If you’re looking for a common thread through all the above recs, it’s that almost all of them have podfics, and the vast majority of those podfics are by Quietnight. I am, and always have been, an audio learner. I read my writing aloud when I’m editing, I listen to audiobooks when I’m commuting, and when I’m cleaning, and when I’m playing computer games, because I like stories, and I especially like listening to stories. Quietnight’s podfics are Of The Highest Quality, and her taste in fic is Impeccable.

hooooly shit this post is long wow okay. I can’t promise I won’t add more to this later, but I’m leaving it for now because goddamn. it’s as complete as I can make it at this time. I’ve added a “THYP Fanfic Bibliography” tag in my bookmarks, and incidentally I really need to make sure I’ve gone through and kudosed all of these because goddamn.

[hanasaku-shijin]

LWA19 liveblog under the cut:

oh god oh boy

FUCKING FINALLY IVE WAITED 4 YEARS FOR DIANA’S BACKSTORY LOOOORDD

oh jesus starting with the flashback baby angsT

WHEN

TRADITIONAL

AND MODERN POWERS

MIX

HOLY FUCUUUCKCK IT’S LITERALLY DIANA AND AKKO AAAAAAAAAAAAAH FINALLLLYYYYYYY

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAMA CAVENDISH PLS

ooohhh my god oh my GOD

SHE’S GONNA  OPEN THAT GATE

FOR HER MOTHERRRRR

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

but little does she know she’ll need Akko’s help hueheue

wow fuck im gonna CRY

NOOOOOOPPPE NOPE NNOOOPPPEEE TOO SAD BYE

oh shit i just remembered andrEW is gonna be in this...........

pls be there for .5 seconds and then leave

oh no Hannah and Barbara cryiiiIIINNGGG

ALKSDJHG FUCK NOOOOOOOOOO

PROFESSORS DONT LET HER GOOOOOOO

i love that H&B dont even show they care it’s Akko they’re talking to they just spill the beans and dont even have the energy to be nasty to her like usual

w h a  t   th e  h e ll 

what is this “ritual” sounds fishy

IF IT’S AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE IM GONNA SCREAM pls trigger have more class than that

OH MAN TONIGHT

AKKO CANT HANDLE THAT SHE DOESNT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO LET IT SINK IN

H&B crying sounds so painful BUT WHAT IF DIANA CRIES

FUCK ME

AKKO IS SO UPSET BY THE IDEA OF DIANA QUITTING

SHE KNOWS DIANA WOULDNT WANT THIS SHE KNOWS DIANA WANTS TO STUDY MAGIC MORE AND GRADUATE AKKO KNOOOOWS

holy shit im not even 5 minutes in but i just

i need to

i cant believe this is actually happening im FINALLY GETTING TO HAVE THIS

uWEH Lotte petting her little sprite ;w;

wow Akko just fucking BARGES INTO DIANA’S ROOM WITHOUT EVEN KNOCKING OMG

oh man she doesnt even hesitate she knows where diana is if she isnt at her room

she knows EXACTLY WHERE TO GO SHE KNOWS DIANA 

i s2g if akko sees her crying as she takes off and cant stop her im gonna lose my shit

oh my lord

it’s

it’s hAPPENING

A DIANAKKO MOMENT WHEN THEY ARE ALONE TOGETHER

FOR LONGER THAN .3 SECONDS

F I N A L L Y

okay i gotta *INHALES*

okay

im

gonna do this

HERE I GO

“it isn’t like you to leave something unfinished” AKKO HAS COME TO KNOW HER SO WELL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

IM FUCKING LOSING IT YOU GUYS

if 

if diana leaves right fucking there right in FRONT OF HER

OH GOD

oh shit

Akko mentioned

Diana’s

parents

oh

oh nnoo

oh my god diana is bREAKING THE RULES FOR AKKO 

oh my god she’s about to cry you can hear it in her voice

I CANT DO THIS

noooooooo they’re doing this “rival” bs again

not rivals FRIENDS PLEEEEEASE

FUCK

okay OKAY in akko’s flashbacks of the people she loved Diana was there like 3 TIMES AAAAHHH THAT’S LIKE MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE I THINK??? idk i will go back and count later knowing me

lol andrEW was there once LMAO SUCK IT he was there as often as Arcas LOL

oH

SHE REVEALED SHE KNEW ABOUT THE WORDS

OH MY GOD THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT THE WORDS

DIANA KNOWS AKKO IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO FIND THEM

BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN DIANA CANT HELP AND AKKO KNOWS THAT

she’s gonna miss her professors and FRIENDS 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GO GET HERRRRRR AKKOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAH

FUCK

FUFFFUFUFKCCKCK

you know diana left as quickly as she did cuz she could probably feel herself about to cry so she had to leave before akko could see that

on another note, wasn’t this episode supposed to have OVA-styled animation cuz im not seeing it

yo the Cavendish estate tho

MORE UNICORNS OHHHHH MAN

oohhh thank god Diana has a nice maid ;v;

ohhh FUCK

she’s smiling BUT

BUUUUUUUUUT

WAAAAAAAAH

oh my gOD

her fucking aunt LITERALLY HAS A SNAKE

W OW HOW FITTING

oh great a dinner party with andrEW and his dad probably so Aunt Bitch and him can make business ventures and shit to screw everyone over

W H AT THE FUCK IS SHE HOLY SHIT SHE JUST VANISHES??? UMM???

oh my god

akKO

HIIIIITCHHIIIIKE

holy shit cant wait for an audio blurb of that

okay look literally akko is so small compare to andrEW WHY DO PEOPLE SHIP THEM HE’S SO FUCKING BIG HE’S CLEARLY SO MUCH OLDER THAN HER EW GODDDDD

STOP IIIIIT HE’S LIKE 30

ew i cant even handle seeing her next to him like that uggh

OOOH more hints at violence and rage across the world

bet Croix is having a field day with that

oh yes good thank god they confirmed diana and andrew are related on some level so they cant be getting an arranged marriage thank GOD

so yeah i should mainly be worried for akko hhhhhhhhhhha

OH MY GOD

DIANA

ACTUALLY

RIDES HORSES

HOLY SHIT

THAT MEANS

YOU KNOW SHE CAN RIDE  U N I C O R N S

OOOHHH MY GOD EQUESTRIAN STUFF IS MY SHIT

OH FUCK

oh my god i literally predicted what akko and diana said to each other right off the bat i have a post where i CALLED THAT SHIT

but can andrEW leave now pls can we have more diana/akko moments alone

this is the first time we’ve seen diana wearing pants tho wow

OH GOOD andrEW is gone for now

oh my god Diana absolutely can not STAND these women holy shit she’s gonna lose it if Akko doesnt first, hearing them insult Luna Nova

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

IT WASN’T EVEN THAT DIANA WAS MAD AT THEM DISSING LUNA NOVA SHE WAS MAD ABOUT THEM DISSING AKKO HERSELF

IM FUCKING S C REA M ING

SHE

JUMPED IN TO DEFEND AKKO

TOOK HER BY THE HAND

HOLY JESSUS IM

i literally i need to  l i e dow n

oh my  god u guys they touched

in canon

im

i literally fucking im

holy fuck

oooooooooooh my god

I NEED A MINUTE

IT’S TAKEN ME 40 MINUTES TO GET 16 MINUTES INTO THIS

i need to

rewatch that part agAIN

MY GOFD

“AS MUCH A WITCH AS I AM”

WE ALL KNOW THAT ISN’T TRUE BUT HOLY SHIT DIANA IS DOING WHATEVER SHE HAS TO TO DEFEND AKKO

HOLY LOOORRRRD IN HEAVEN

oh my god akko

HOOO

DIANA YELLS HER NAME LOL

GETTING SCOLDED BY THE GF

oH

I love Anna

protective nice maid who was probably diana’s only friend as a child after her mom died

she silences Akko right away because she wants Diana to be heard no matter what, probably because no one else at that mansion will listen to her

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE PUTTING AKKO

IN ONE OF DIANA’S DRESSES

EL E V E N TH   BIRTHDAY

AND AKKO

FITS INTO IT OMFG

but ooohh my gosh this means DIANA TRUSTS AKKO

WITH THIS IMPORTANT DRESS HER MOTHER GOT FOR HER ESPECIALLY

OH MY GOD???

oh my god oH MY GOD

SHE’S GONNA TOUCH THAT BEAR ISNT SHE AND DIANA’S GONNA FREAK OH YMY GOD

OH

FUCKING

FINALLLLYY

WOOP THERE IT IIIIIIS

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

THAT PREMIUM CARD

AFTER 18 WEEKS OF SPECULATION FINALLY IT IS CONFIRMED

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS

“Affection” is 

the Cavendish motto

holy fuck 

me and my shipping ass will let them show “affection” all right

OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING

oh boy is akko finally gonna learn about diana’s past and mom ///? PLEASE

oh my god is akko having dinner with them

IN THAT DRESS

AND DIANA

IN ANOTHER DRESS FUCK MEEEEEEE

OH MY GOD

final minutes what giant thing is gonna be revealed at supper??

oh my gOD AKKO’S SHIT TABLE MANNERS

diana’s like “how am i gonna live with this in the future when she’s my wife” LOL

oh my god is she gonna try to SELL him Diana’s stuff??? or worse HER MOTHER’S STUFF??? I BET YOU

OH

FUCK

NOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOONONONNONOOONNOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FUCK THIS BITCH

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING DOOONT

oh my god this is it

shit is going down

THEY’RE GONNA FUCKING DUEL OR SOMETHING

OH MAANNNN

oh

 my go d

i

im fucking shook

holy fucking shit

[nana-lew-rp]

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, Don’t Touch My Boyfriend|| An AU

Shawna couldn’t remember much of the night before other than meeting up with the man she affectionately called “Gamma Charlie” because there was an original Charlie and he was sweet. She remembered how they hiked off campus grounds to an odd railroad in the woods, which caused this huge gap in the treelines and a large drop down made from stones, metal, and steep dirt covered with various graffiti and greenery. The girl, whose hair was in transition from beach blonde to a more tame light brown from progressive dying, was able to get a hold of some absinthe and bungee cords and cables with great idea. She grabbed the boy in the late morning and have been hiking all morning- figuring that she gave him enough time to wake up and pin point his lowest point of anxiety and despair to get him to leave the Gamma house.

The sight of the overpass and the flowing river underneath made the boy’s breath into a vacuum, more so since they hiked two hours away from campus. He didn’t think the feeling of Shawna was real. There was no way it could be. It always felt like a mirrored dimension of the life he could want if it was up to him to choose life over death (which, don’t get him twisted, it’s definitely not). Other days, Charlie valued how she utilized his last days on Earth, enjoyed her understanding of his inevitable fate. And in times like these, he thought of Leda. It’s always fleeting now, though, the thought of her presence was supposed to warm his heart, and it did, but now there was this...guilt. Almost shame. A bittersweet note of her words that day and why. Why? If he was supposed to be upset, why did he feel guilt and shame? It wasn’t Shawna. Shawna is so lively and considerate. One of the only people not concerned about whether or not he stays. He hasn’t seen a bad day that she hid, or a good day she took for granted. She could die today or tomorrow and only have herself to blame. She told him about her tough times before she came to the school and how worse it got and why she is used to not speaking, non-verbal communication, and her realization of how she never mattered enough to anyone for life to be worth living, even for herself, so she tried to disappear in plain sight first...and then she realized that wasn’t enough. It felt natural to enjoy her, but he loves Leda..right? Leda gives him something to hang on to, but she made him...stressed. He can’t leave knowing she will fall apart and she has potential. She can be things. It’s not like Shawna can’t have the same, its just...and this is where he gets stuck. He shouldn’t compare the two, he shouldn’t even like Shawna for making her- well he isn’t sure- but Leda says that she made her have sex with her. And it made her breakup with him. And it made him sadder....but she’s just so-

“Charlie!” Shawna shouts as the other is brought back to the greenery, he loved the hikes, “We’re here...look, the perfect place to die.” Charlie just chuckled hollow, knowing that they might be completing some unspoken suicide pact by “bungee jumping” into a river.

Shawna set up their little launchpad on the smaller cutout of the stone overpass. She had Charlie carefully set up the rig that had been there when she found this place a week ago. “Sh-Shawna...” he stuttered meekly.

“Look, before you start, this is a secure anchor and this stone is old and very sturdy. I..sorta tested it before..but hey. That’s what this is for,” She explained, pulling the aged green bottle out of her bag, “So we can fly, and I can drink absinthe.”

“I like your way of thinking, but..this is..this is suicide. I thought we agreed on-”

“I know, but if we get too shit faced before we can even set ourselves up to dive, we won’t-”

“Right..and a possible 100 foot fall to the rushing river below is just a cushion.”

“I don’t intend on emptying this bottle, it was expensive. Just a little liquid novacaine so we don’t bitch out,” Shawna smiled, “I’m going first, just because I’ve never done it and I think I couldn’t handle it if I had to watch you die.”

“But oh yeah stick me with the image of watching you die?...” Charlie replied, quick and full of concern, “Shawna, I-”

“Hey,” Shawna cooed, holding his face, caressing his cheek with her thumbs, “Relax.”

“No. Let me go first.”

“Char-”

“Shawna...I-I...please...” he pleaded and took her hands, looking into her eyes with earnest. She nodded and he pulled his hands up to kiss her fingers and made her shy away and giggle. He smiled and nodded with her as he took the bottle, opened it and took a swig, a determination in his eyes.

Leda had thought about Charlie all day, he hadn’t been seen much ever since he came back from the hospital. It may have been summer vacation, but she felt that she needed to do something. She had broken his heart and knew that they missed each other, but she made an ass of herself and hurt him all because of Shawna. She decided to try and call him and didn’t get a response.

She wanted to fool herself that maybe he was spending time with Mark or Jack or Felix. Two of them seemed like they would try to keep him busy once he came home and make sure he was alright. That’s probably what it was. A part of her told her to stop lying to herself. Even if she was trying to make sure he’s okay, what makes her think that he wants to see her? They were barely hanging on together and those were her happiest times, but then she had to mess them up. She knows that somewhere, deep deep down for them, that they needed that back. That they could get back to those moments with each other and be completely unbothered by the world.

Even now, she laid on her bed in a t-shirt that she wore with him and slept over in- shrouded in his scent- “I’m sorry..Charlie..I miss you..so much,” she muttered in a sigh, fighting back tears.

It all just stung so much. Even when she knew he doesn’t blame her, she did know what to do and felt so helpless. She just needs him to get back to normal. The normal not normal that they had. And there was nothing that really stopped them, just this..fucking Shawna. It’s about time that tried standing up. Especially since it’s not like they were official yet or anything.

Hopefully she could try and get him to remember, and to get him to come back, and they could be happy again, because the snake can only hold on for so long, just giving her eyes, knowing her mouth is full. She found the motivation to sit up, tying her hair into a ponytail and throwing on clothes and heading over.

He closed his eyes and laid back, the freefall left him wanting to flail and panic, but all of that was deadened by the fierce winds and the roar of the rapids below silencing his heartbeats. then he realized as he turned over to look at the water, he was very close, he might actually die here. And with that there was a jolt and he was thrust into the water and promptly yanked backwards, his torso wet from the  stream below as he dripped and rose up and fell again. It felt like a crazy violent baptism, and he felt new, and it was over as he dangled, Shawna starting the winch up that slowly brought him back up to the bridge.

Shawna watched him descend noiselessly and then screamed as he dipped into the water and came back up, she was tickled pink that she had messed up the rope measurements just enough to allow true freefall before getting a dip into the rushing stream below. She was more than excited to go herself. And when she did, it was so relaxing, like they were reborn again. Drinking more and more and getting drenched by the stream, they then decided to start racing back, stumbling over all of the things beneath them and staggering through non-existent entities. He had stopped once they were within the meadow, letting her fall into the grass beneath them, “You just love getting all of your clothes covered in grass, don’t you, sweetie?”

“I-I do...do my laundry really well..an-and.and regularly, Charlie,” Shawna laughed as she motioned for him to help her up, “But you like me dirty don’t you?”

“Ye-Yeah...b-but you could be covered in dirtier things..s-so, so many different things, you l-look like you just came from a ch-church,,....m-my.my..my..angel.”

They stumbled together and shared a few kisses and he carried her into his room carefully, both of them writhing around and sticking their hand out and around them from the hallucinations around them. Not concerned about anything, for all they knew this was heaven or purgatory of some sort but it looks so beautiful. Shawna hooked up her phone as best she could to his speakers and played Fireflies, “This is perfect right now..”

Charlie smiled a little more from his little smirk and pulled her over towards his bed laying down and letting her on top despite still being pretty damp. He looked at her, straddling his hips, her shorts riding up from her thighs pushing against him. His hands resting on her waist, looking at her while his breath tries to figure itself out on its own but he feels like he would be fine without it. “S-Sh-Shawna...I-I...you make- make me no-not feel...And I like that...I love that you’re there for-for..uhm...” his speech interrupted by her lips on his, he moaned into the kiss.

Just then Leda had gotten into the Gamma house from the code she remembered, knowing it was probably going to change soon. Her legs carried her automatically up the stairs and down the correct hallway towards the boy’s door. Her heart was starting to flutter, her hands becoming puffy and moist at the idea that she could have him and maybe she could mess this up and maybe this was a mistake and he didn’t want her back...but her hand was turning the door knob.

She saw the two on the bed, now with less clothes, and froze immediately. Charlie had heard his door open and knew he should have locked it, but when he saw the familiar colourful locks in his eye he froze as well, “Le-led-Le....Wait..” he redirected his attention to the girl who reached up and grabbed his face, now only in a bra and panties set that was still quite damp, “Oh hey Leda! Long time no see!” she flailed under him, Charlie quickly shushing her.

Charlie was quick to get up and throw on some basketball shorts that were lying on his floor, running over to the girl- whose fist was so tight her hands were red and knuckles white, placing a hand on her shoulder and she promptly forcing it off with a shrug, “What the fuck is this?!” she asked, more annoyed rather than hurt anything, “Charlie, why are you....? I can’t...What did she do to you?” She was starting to panic a little, her voice breaking and her legs bouncing from anger and more.

“Leeds..come here, come here,” Charlie tried to get her into the bathroom before anything else could happen, having not completely snapped out of it, but he had to do something because he felt like he had to. He shut the door and then heard Shawna’s body thud on the floor, still babbling around. “Just..take a couple breaths, alright?”

Leda hadn’t even realised but she was hyperventilating. Hard. Her cheeks pinker than red at this point, Charlie holding her arm and wiping her tears. “I-I don’t..you know that she...WHYYYAAH?! What is it worth? Do you...do you not care about how I feel? She..hurt..us.”

“Shhh...Nothing is-”

“Are you fucking high? You were gonna fuck her weren’t you? She seduced you and loaded you up with drugs and shit when I kept you clean. I made you happy I tried so...”

“Leda..Leda. Leda listen to me. Nothing was going on, we were just hanging out...I could never do that to you, but..I-I don’t understand, all she wants is a good time-”

“She was fucking a girl in my face and I was forced to cheat on you and break up with you..”

“Were you?..Leda, please..I want to hear you out. I really do...I just..don’t see that in her.”

“She’s fucking evil and takes whatever she wants! She wanted Mark and Ro had to fight her off. I’m not gonna fight her.”

“She can’t force you to cheat..”

“SHe DID!”

“She can’t...it was all you..She doesn’t know why you’re so upset with her if you joined in on your own..She..I just don’t see how she could make you cheat on me knowing what’s at stake.”

“You were kissing her! You don’t care about me! She is making you do this because she wants you so that I can’t have you.”

“You can still have me...I just-”

“Charlie I can’t.”

“That’s all you keep saying..but I’m saying it’s okay..I forgive you-”

“I can’t.”

“I forgive you....Leda, I forgive you.”

“I-...what?..”

“I forgive you...Shawna is nice, and I know she means well just like you mean well..and I love you, but I need to figure things out, but I forgive you for having sex with her..She really misses her friend just like you miss me. And I how miss you.”

“I-I don’t...I..Charlie, I..”

“Shhh...it’s alright..c’mere..” he coos, hugging her gently and taking in everything, he missed it, it felt like a rush of so many things, but he still felt a weird wire tension. He couldn’t quite place on it. It felt like he should be doing these things, it felt appropriate to fix things and have her back...but he was taking a look at the whole situation, how she’s acting, what she sees, what she thinks...What he’s doing. He missed it. And now he’s lost again and feels himself slipping. Damn it.

Leda could practically feel him think and it was hell to know that he was doing this to take pity on her. Then again, was it all that bad if he warned her every step of the way? He told her that he just couldn’t do it anymore and that she was nice to have around, and then it morphed into him caring about her, but his ability care about himself enough to not want to die never quite came around. It felt like now that she was selfish and spacey. How could she have missed it? In her defense, he didn’t let her worry about him. He always kept it about her, and now in this moment when it was about her, it couldn’t be about her. It was about Charlie. She realized how much she didn’t know him or how guarded he was around her, relaxed is one thing, but him being open...it was so much guilt.

“Charlie..I-I can’t....I don’t..I don’t understand. Why would you...And how come..Shawna...” Leda struggled to find words.

“She can never be you, and-and that’s good..and it’s bad. I-I don’t want anyone I don’t know..But I can’t have you right now..i-it’s just not..healthy. I appreciate all that you do for me..b-but you can’t make me feel so..lonely and like I got you to worry about on top of the fact you’re trying to change something you can’t change..I-I can be open..a-and change some things, but that’s one thing that you aren’t going to really change...And the last thing I want is for you to blame yourself when...when it’s all me.”

“Ch-Charlie..no...” Leda’s voice broke, “I-I don’t wanna lose you, too..”

Charlie sighed and moved his head back and forth then kissing the girl’s head gently before stepping out of the bathroom and finding a passed out Shawna. Nicely, he picked her up and set her on his bed again, moving the stray wet hairs from her face, smirking at her. Leda’s heart was breaking further to watch him tend to her- knowing that he’s there because of her and he still chooses Shawna, but forgives her. Her hands had found her jacket, nervously wringing and growing frustrated that it couldn’t just rip already. Her mind said that he was lying to her. He had fallen for her, he had loved her, he had forgiven her because he’s not coming back. It was becoming too much. And just when she was about to step out, he put his hand on her lower back and escorted her out of the house, “Figured I’d walk you back to your dorm. Give you some air and not temp you to punch a sleeping person.”

Leda didn’t feel worth this conversation. She didn’t feel worth this feeling, this idea that he has taken pity on her because of something that was her fault and she should have a consequence and he is drawing this out. There were no words exchanged just some breaths and brief glances at each other still close and the walk never felt longer. Leda held herself out of shame and with her head full of doubt and thoughts of what Charlie’s intentions. “I-I..I-..I got it from here..Charlie, I can go in by myself,” she said turning around and facing him, “S-S-so-sorry..I just..”

“It’s fine I understand...” Charlie said, simply looking at her and turning around and strolled back to his dorm, heart heavy but determined and hopeful.

[taehyung-the-baehyung]

SUIT & TIE || stupid valet boy

◦ pairing: reader x jin

◦ rating: m

◦ word count: 6.2k

jungkook | taehyung | jimin | namjoon | hoseok | yoongi | jin

suit & tie || m a s t e r l i s t

(cr.)

“Babe, are you ready?” His eyes were fixed to the dimly lit screen he held in his hand. Tapping his foot, he glanced at his watch for the third time, standing with his other hand on the door knob.

Twisting over yourself, you bent your arm at an odd angle to tug the zipper of the dress up your back. The pink of your tongue poked out between your freshly colored lips as you struggled with the small metal thing. “Almost,” you called out from the bedroom.

“Please, we’re going to be late,” he reminded you, also for the third time.

“Jin, say it again, I swear-” you muttered under your breath. Date night seemed to always end up like this. You couldn’t even figure out why you did it anymore. Finally having had enough with the zipper, you straightened up and smoothed the dress down, examining yourself in the mirror.

Jin appeared in the doorway. Your stomach fluttered with hope for but a moment. It was naive of you, but still your entire being felt the glimmer of possibility that maybe he came to see how you looked, like he used to. He would look you up and down slowly, so you knew how fucking amazing you looked, and then walk up to you and pull you in for a kiss. His hand would drag down your back, and squeeze your ass, making you moan into the kiss, and may or may not lead to you being late to date night. You turned to face him with a smile, satisfied with your appearance. It was a new dress: pink even, his favorite color. He quickly glanced up and for a moment his eyes froze over your body and washed over with the flicker of something familiar. It was promising. Then, he flashed a tight-lipped smile and a nod before turning his gaze back towards his phone.

“Thanks, babe, you look good too,” you said to yourself with a sigh, the all-too familiar pang of disappointment settling into your chest. It had made its home there comfortably as of late.

You turned to the nightstand beside the shared queen bed. Reaching to grab your phone, your eyes lingered over the framed photo of you and Jin. It was a selfie that you had taken together at the beach on your honeymoon. The sunset burst in the horizon, spilling a beautiful orange light, kissing your skin with the most beautiful shade, but it was nothing compared to the way Jin looked at you. It used to be your favorite photo, favorite day even, but people change a lot.

The car ride was painfully silent, as per usual. You traced the edge of your phone, pulling the rubber phone case off and snapping it back into place. Some time ago these car rides would be the best part of date night. You would sit with Jin’s hand in yours, feeling the curves of his knobby fingers, teasing him for the way his thumb came out at a funny angle. He would try to pull his hand away, protesting that his hands were as beautiful as the face that you had fallen for, but then you would grab him and kiss his palm, again entwining your fingers through his.

You exhaled loudly and flipped your phone down on your lap, pressing your head back firmly against the leather seat. You turned your head slightly, looking over at Jin, drinking in his features. Jin always looked particularly handsome when he was driving: his eyes focused on the road ahead, his eyelashes curling out to hood the light brown of his iris. The wide angle of his jawline would melt into his long neck and you could always point to the exact little spot that would make him go wild. You breath hitched as you replayed some gloriously lewd nights in your head.

The drive to the restaurant was not always so tame and romantic. Other nights Jin’s hand would rest on your thigh and dare he get bold, slip under the fabric of your dress. His fingers that you teased would suddenly be the one thing that you begged for, bucking your hips into his hand, cum spreading over the inside of your thigh before he even pulled up to the restaurant. He would having you mewling and writhing in the sticky leather seat, and you knew he loved to hear you pant in the passenger seat while you caught your breath, your fingers still maintaining their iron grip on his wrist. You missed those days. What ever happened to them?

You pressed your knees together. A lump formed in your throat, tugging at your entire body threatening to snap into pieces as your breathing increased just the slightest. Just imagining all the things Jin hadn’t done to you in over a month made you want to scream. A month, you realized, almost suddenly. It had truly been an entire month since Jin had even touched you anywhere.

Then, all at once, it felt that your entire marriage was slipping right through your fingers. He had been spending so much time at the office recently. The “I’ll be home late” phone calls turned into text messages and then they were just nothing. He didn’t come home until you were asleep. You spent most nights lying alone in bed, tossing and turning with images of another woman spread for Jin, his cock slamming into her and you would make yourself cry for no reason. Your husband was a good man: kind, smart, stupidly funny. He was your best friend and you knew he would never even think about another woman, but still, it was less painful to think that he was hurting you than to think that he might just simply be falling out of love. Your bottom lip quivered at the thought, tears filled the rim of your eyes as you sniffled and blinked rapidly, clearing them away. Your throat ached from resisting the cries, and you just wished it would all go away. All the tension, all the pain– you wanted it to end.

Jin hardly noticed your state: aroused and entirely upset. His fingers tightened around the steering wheel. His mind was cluttered with thoughts of tomorrow and the week after, and the week after that; he was just trying to get through his busy schedule. The only time you actually saw each other was in the time that it took you to get ready for these date nights and Jin just prayed you wouldn’t ask him how work was. He knew you worried, and somewhere in the middle of everything, he just stopped telling you things altogether. He didn’t want you to know that he hated it, that he was only staying overtime to impress his boss, to get a promotion so he could finally ask you if you could start trying for kids and be confident that he could support his family. He just wanted to make you happy. It was nearing a year since you had both been married, but it felt like an eternity. Jin was drowning in fear and in work and he completely forgot who he was doing it all for.

Jin silently pulled up to the valet dressed in a deep maroon suit in front of the restaurant. “Mr. Kim,” the young man greeted with a polite bow as Jin got out of the driver’s seat and walked around the car. “I’ll get it,” the man spoke hurriedly, lurching forward to grab the car door handle. “Mrs. Kim,” he gulped on his words, eyes sparkling into yours as he watched you rise from your seat. His eyes widened as he froze in front of you for a moment, hand tightening on the open car door. He swept up your body quickly before locking eyes with you, his lips slightly parted. And there it was, the look you had been longing for from Jin for so long.

“Hi, Taehyung,” you smiled, nodding your head in acknowledgement. Jin stood somewhere beside you now, and Taehyung seemed to snap out of his head suddenly, blinking rapidly before straightening up and flashing a comforting box smile. His eyes remained on yours.

“You look stunning tonight,” his voice was gentle as he stepped back. He was younger than Jin, but still around your age. He looked handsome in his suit, and it felt good to be looked at like this. Taehyung extended an arm towards the building, motioning for you to head inside to the restaurant. “As always,” he murmured, just loud enough for you to hear as you hooked your arm through Jin’s elbow. You wondered if Jin heard him. You cast a glance back at Taehyung and he was still looking, his gaze unwavering.

As nice as it was to be constantly flirted with by the valet boy, it always left you a little miffed. Another man was flashing heart eyes in your direction and Jin didn’t even notice– or maybe he didn’t care. Your fingers tightened around the fabric of his blazer as you turned your attention away from Taehyung.

You and Jin sat beside each other in the booth, and you didn’t dare scooch in closer to him, as much as you wanted. In fact, every ounce of your body wished that Jin would just snap out of whatever he was going through and just wrap you in his arms where you felt safe. Instead, you sat tense, still holding back everything your body wanted to let go of and silently chewed on your food.

“So?” Jin spoke. “How was the honeymoon?”

The couple made a sigh of bliss, looking into each other’s eyes with sparkling smiles. “Jin-hyung, it was amazing. Paris truly is the city of love.” Namjoon clutched his free hand over his chest, the other not having left his wife’s hand since they walked in.

“The view from our hotel was spectacular,” she kept her eyes fixed on Namjoon, and he returned the soft stare, swimming with adoration. “The Eiffel Tower was just right there. We could see it through the sunset, the sunrise, everything.”

“I take it you didn’t leave your bed much, then,” Jin chuckled, taking a sip of wine.

“Oh please,” you smiled. “It’s not like we did on our honeymoon,” you said it without thinking and then suddenly you were remembering all the warm nights you spent tangled in one another, all the mornings you rolled over and drowned in his loving gaze. You clenched your jaw and smiled weakly, maintaining the happy mood. Jin’s thigh was pressing slightly against yours now. You felt his muscle tighten, but he didn’t respond.

The dinner went on beautifully, and you felt beyond happy for Namjoon and his wife. They were still on the high of their honeymoon, and you were sure that at least for a while, it would stay that way. You only prayed they would not end up where you were now. You glanced sideways at Jin who was laughing now and just like the first day, your heart wrenched with an overwhelming amount of love.

The waiter came by to clear up the empty plates and you watched enviously as Namjoon placed a gentle kiss to his wife’s forehead. She collected his hand with hers and placed it on her lap, leaning into him as you all waited for the waiter to leave. Instinctively, you moved your hand closer to Jin’s, sitting wrist to wrist now, your pinky fingers just barely touching each other.

Namjoon’s wife shot up slightly, a faint gasp leaving her lips. Her eyes widened and her jaw tightened as her lips parted. You smiled, knowing entirely too well what was happening beneath the table. The poor thing cleared her throat and her entire body tensed as she squirmed in her seat, Namjoon’s arm still extended in the direction of her lap. Your pinky lingered over Jin’s, daring to try and touch his hand, to see what he might do. Before you could, he lifted his hand to reconnect with his phone, pulling through text messages frantically. You sighed and dropped both your hands to your lap. You just wanted the night to end so you could maybe go find release in the shower.

Namjoon’s wife cleared her throat weakly, again shifting in her seat, her face growing pale. Jin did not notice a single thing happening as he tapped away on his phone, pleading with his co-workers to solve the issue so he could enjoy his peaceful date night. He couldn’t remember the last time you guys had a date night, just the two of you. All he wanted was for the night to end so he could fall asleep next to you, his arm wrapped snugly around your waist.

“Namjoon-ah, your wife doesn’t look well. Shame on you for bringing her out tonight!” You said suddenly, shaking everyone out of their dazes. You winked in her direction as Namjoon adjusted with wide eyes and her body relaxed, though she looked disappointed. “Why don’t you take her home and take care of there.”

Namjoon’s face flushed with a light shade of pink as he nodded speechlessly. “Jin-hyung, I’ll pay you back later.” He rose quickly from his seat, pulling his giggling wife by the hand as they scurried out. You laughed at that, remembering all the frantically exited date nights you and Jin had yourself. The waiter would always be utterly confused and you would run straight past the valet, only stopping to grab the keys and then resume dashing through the parking lot and speeding home.

Jin flagged down the waiter. He was grateful that the night was over and that you had the same thought as him. He couldn’t wait to just have you in his arms again. “Check, please.”

You walked quietly, following Jin out of the restaurant, turning the wedding band on your finger. The engraved cursive Jin disappeared behind your finger before you spun it back to place. “They’re cute,” you said softly, mostly to yourself. “And happy.”

Jin held the door open for you. His tall, slender figure in that heavenly suit stood in front of you and you felt the need to hold your breath and look down. Maybe it would help keep everything in. You didn’t see his face wash over yours in concern as you walked by.

You were immediately enveloped by a chilly breeze outside. The valet boy perked up, almost sensing you and straightening out his jacket. Jin slowed behind you as you neared Taehyung. The young man approached you and smiled. “I hope your evening was nice.”

You looked regretfully back at Jin, who was on his phone again, and smiled weakly. “Yeah,” you nodded. “It was.” The wind picked up, blowing goosebumps across the expanse of your smooth skin. You couldn’t think of how long you had intensified your body care, just in the hope that Jin would be all over you one night, but yet another night was going to pass with a lonely shower trying to somehow make it up to yourself. Still, your fingers were never as good as Jin.

“Oh!” Taehyung hurriedly began to take his coat off, ready to drape it over you. “You seem cold,” he said. You blinked out of your thoughts, you breath hitching as another shiver coursed through your veins. Being this cold and turned on hardly did anything good for you.

“Excuse me,” Jin cleared his throat. “I’ll just take the keys, thank you.” His voice was stern as he held his palm out. Taehyung, flustered, shook his coat back on and walked towards the podium that housed all the car keys. Finding the right one, he walked back and reluctantly pressed the cold metal into Jin’s extended hand. Taehyung’s expression was riddled with fear as he bowed.

“It’s pretty cold tonight, sir,” Taehyung dared to speak. “Are you sure you don’t want us to get your car for you?”

You were not sure exactly what was happening; you were too lost in your thoughts to notice the look on Jin’s face. He took you by the wrist and pulled you into the parking lot, searching for your car. His fingers wrapped around your small wrist shot memories of him pinning them over your head, and suddenly you had zero control of your thoughts.

He all but dragged you to stand before the backseat door of the car as he muttered something under his breath, and you wondered why in the hell it all seemed so normal when you were holding everything so tightly inside. Your chest felt heavy. All this time, you had not been able to bring yourself to question Jin, but now, your entire body threatened to shake into a whirlwind of tears. “Do you still love me?” You blurted, your voice cracking.

“What?”

And then you just let them fall, all the tears you had been holding in. Your body shook violently as you curled into yourself, pressing your palm against your mouth to muffle the broken sobs. “You’ve been so distant!” You spilled in the midst of your cries. “Even when you’re right here, you’re not with me.” You tried to steady yourself, catching your stuttered breaths. Your lower lip trembled again and you forced yourself to look down at your feet, letting a tear slip off your face somewhere into the pavement below. “Do you just not love me anymore?” You knew how pathetic, how weak, you sounded right now. It was what you had been trying to avoid all this time, but you couldn’t help but wonder if your marriage was actually shot to hell or not.

Jin was overwhelmed. He had no clue where all of this was coming from. A thought flashed before that maybe you were hormonal from pregnancy. This is the kind of thing that happened, right? Random fits of crying? He wasn’t sure at all. “Babe,” he pulled you into his body, his broad shoulders housing your small frame within his. His chest was pounding. What if you were pregnant? He didn’t know if he could handle that. “Of course I still love you,” his breath whispered over the bare back of your dress. “Until death do us part, remember?”

You scoffed into him, appalled that he was acting like everything had been normal. You pushed him off of you. “Then what the hell have you been doing this entire past month? Did you even remember you had a wife?” The anger underneath everything bubbled to the surface. You couldn’t believe that he was being like this– the audacity.

“What do you me-”

“Don’t say it!” You shouted. He took a step back, eyes widening. Now he was sure you’d lost it. Tears still streamed down your face, and your voice still hiccuped through the deep breaths you had to take to keep from sobbing even more, but your words were wrapped with anger now. “I don’t even see you anymore. It’s work, then sleep, then work, then sleep, and I don’t think I’ve heard the words ‘I love you’ come out of your mouth.”

Jin winced at that. Had he really forgotten to tell you that he loved you? It was hard to deny that he had in fact been distant lately. It was just that he knew you would be more stressed to know that he despised his job. He hadn’t realized exactly how distant he had been. In your mind, he had basically been giving you the silent treatment. In his, he was simply not talking about work with you, but he was barely home otherwise. You held your palm out to his chest, trying to keep Jin at a distance. You felt his toned muscles beneath your palm, and gulped. God, you wanted to be pressed up against that so bad. You wanted to be under it, on top of it– anything, honestly.

“No ‘good night’, not even an ‘I’ll be late, hon’,” your voice cracked as Jin determinedly took a step forward. You saw his jawline sharpen as he clenched his teeth together. Jin saw your lips part, the way it did when his head was buried in your chest, nipping at the skin sweetly. He had something in mind: a way to make it up to you, perhaps.

It was safe to say you were beyond aroused now, but you still had more to say. “I bought this dress so that maybe you’d look at me like you used to.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered softly, a smirk dancing on his lips.

“Do you know have any idea how unsatisfying it is to only use my fingers for entire fucking month?” You grumbled quietly.

“Babe?” He cooed, his hips pressing yours against the car door now. You couldn’t find the words to respond; they were lost somewhere in the back of your throat as heat poured into the base of your stomach. Just feeling his pressing lightly up against yours was enough to send you in a frenzy. The feeling Jin’s member grew against your body. “I’m sorry.” He said again, his lips were grazing against yours, teasing you with their soft touch.

As turned on as you were, your ego got the best of you. You wanted to be able to stand your ground, to make sure Jin never did something so stupidly insensitive ever again. A whole month, you reminded yourself. He needed to know how angry and hurt you were. “I don’t believe you,” your lips moved, but hardly a sound came out, and your body said entirely otherwise as you leaned your back fully against the car, your hips rising slightly to press completely against Jin’s.  

“Then let me show you,” Jin’s voice dropped, becoming throaty as he pushed his lips against yours. His hands traced up your sides to cup your face, and you felt small beneath him. You felt safe.

It felt like a burning, white hot fire had ignited on your skin. The prickling sensation raced over the expanse of your body in goosebumps, and it felt like your entire being had gone numb. Your stomach flipped, gripped with a mixture of relief and lust. You had missed him. Whimpering into him, your fingers grasped gingerly to the fabric of his blazer, as though holding too tight might force him away again. You bunched up the fabric in your palm, wrinkling your eyebrows together as you tried to feel everything all at once. It felt like you were suspended in space, floating in nothingness. Everything else disappeared and you only knew Jin: the warmth of his gentle touch, the softness of his pink lips engulfing yours, the smoky smell of his cologne with that one hint of vanilla trickling through, the way his hands fit so perfectly around the curve of your jaw. It all moved in slow motion, and the only thing you wanted to do was stay in that moment forever. But then, Jin dragged his lips hungrily down your chin, to your neck. The heat was swimming painfully in your abdomen as his hands reconnected with your sides, pressing you firmly against the cold metal of the car. The heels of his palm dipped into your hipbones perfectly as he pushed his thigh between your legs.

You sunk your hips lower, rolling your hips instinctively against Jin’s thigh. Your breath shook just with the fact that he was with you, really with you. You nearly broke into more tears of joy at finally being touched. He tensed his thigh, teasing your clit with a hint of pressure, but not enough. You didn’t want to be teased. You just wanted to feel him. “Jin…” his name rolled off your lips with urgency, swimming in desire. “I want you.”

And Jin would have been a fool to deny you any longer. He snaked his arm around your waist, and the feeling of his fingers resting there so lightly made you all the more desperate for him. With a quick pull, you crashed into his body, giving himself more access to your neck. He sucked harder at the soft spot above your collarbone as his hands travelled to the curve of your ass. He took a handful of your flesh in his hands, pulling a whimper out of you as the heat burned harder at the base of your stomach.

Jin searched the car for the handle, yanking it open just to nudge you backwards. “Get in.” His breathing had grown heavy with equal desperation now and you nodded, biting your lip in anticipation. You scrambled into the backseat, not worrying about how graceful –or completely ungraceful– you looked doing it.

Jin was right behind you, slamming the door shut before throwing his blazer off all too quickly. The neckline of your dress hung lower, bearing your cleavage for Jin’s eyes to feast upon. He was in a heated frenzy now at the sight of your breasts that he loved so much. His fingers fumbled to untuck his white shirt from his pants. He sat up on his knees, cloaking himself in moonlight. His broad shoulders and lean body never looked so good.

He struggled with the buttons, his hands too eager to be on you. You sat up, pushing his hand away in favor of yours. Your fingers made quick, easy work of his buttons, as you had done so many times before.

“Shit–” Jin’s breath hitched as your cold fingers made contact with his bare, warm skin. “Has it really been a month?” It came out in a soft whine, forcing you to press your thighs together. His hands curled over your body, finding your zipper and pulling it down your back.

You arched your back into him. “You have no idea,” you panted, throwing his shirt off to the ground below you.

“Take it off,” Jin leaned back against the car door, taking firm hold of his belt. You slipped your arms out of the sleeves of your dress, pushing the entire thing towards your legs. Jin was straddled over your legs, his knees pressed into the leather of the backseat on either side of your feet. He pushed his pants and boxers to his knees, the soft fabric blanketing over your ankles.

“God, I can’t wait to feel you,” you whimpered, letting the need take over as you slipped your legs out of the dress and pulled Jin down. He placed an arm on the seat, holding himself above you as he shuffled out of his pants, tossing them to the floor with one foot before reconnecting his lips to yours.

The urgency was still there, but the kiss was slow, and sweet. He put his elbow down, hovering over your steadily before pulling his lips away. His eyes washed over your face, wondering just how stupid he had to be to forget to pay attention to you. “I really am sorry,” he whispered. His warm breath coated the curve of your forehead as he pressed a kiss to your temple. “I’m the worst, I know,” he said as he pressed another kiss on the tip of your nose. “I’ll be better.” He placed another peck on your lips before slipping the strap of your bra down your shoulder.

“Jin,” you gasped as he let his body sink closer to yours, his erection pressed against your thigh now.

His breath travelled lower as his mouth hovered over your breasts. With his fingers, he pushed your bra up off your breasts, exposing the pretty things. He felt his balls tighten at the sight. Your bra still hung tightly to your body, the wire digging into your chest as Jin playfully swirled his tongue around your nipples. You arched your back into him again. Catching the hint, Jin unhooked your bra and tossed it haphazardly. It landed somewhere in the passenger side of the car, but you couldn’t be bothered to think about where you would find it later.

Jin laid an open mouth kiss on your breast, the grooves of his tongue swiping over your sensitive nipples. As if on cue, you spread your legs wider, letting Jin sit comfortably between them as his head bobbed slightly, entirely enthralled by your breasts.

“Jin, don’t tease, please,” your voice was drenched in desperation as you rolled your hips upward, searching for some sort of contact.

“As you wish,” he breathed, scattering kisses lower and lower. “Did you really touch yourself, thinking about me?” He sounded flattered.

“Who else would I be thinking about, idiot?” you grumbled, letting your fingers slip into his soft, brown hair. He had reached your navel now, his hands wrapped around your hips, fingers hooked over the hem of your panties.

“That stupid valet boy,” Jin muttered in the midst of his kisses, yanking the lace thing downwards. He had wanted to keep it in, but the moron with that dumb box smile was getting to him. He wanted to clock him right in the face. Maybe then he’d know not to hit on other people’s wives.

You couldn’t help but let out an amused scoff at that. “So, you noticed.”

Jin abruptly yanked your panties down your legs, sliding them down your legs as his grip on your hips tightened. “I’m not blind, baby,” he chuckled.

You were going to say more, but the feeling of Jin’s fingers swiping up your slit stopped them dead in their tracks. “Jin,” you breathed. It was all you could say.

“But don’t worry,” Jin raised an eyebrow suggestively. “I know that I’m the only one who can make you scream my name until you have to beg me to stop.”

His words were enough to send a shudder through your body. The leather had grown warm beneath you, but it was nothing compared to the way your stomach tightened with blinding heat. “Jin,” you whispered desperately, and you knew he was right. Your mind was wiped completely clean of anything beyond his name. Your husband had a knack for doing this to you, but you could hardly complain.

“God I can’t believe you’ve been touching yourself,” he growled, the feral noise bubbling in his chest. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise, baby,” he said as he pumped his hand over his dick. You spread your legs wider, silently thanking whatever higher power was smiling down upon you now. You weren’t in the mood for teasing and you were glad that Jin had caught on.

A guttural moan left your lips at the sight of Jin’s fingers wrapped around his hard cock, and you already felt like you were going to lose it. With a satisfied grunt, Jin positioned his length before your entrance and pulled your legs up to rest on his shoulders. Your body pushed into his slightly, the head of his cock pressing against your heat. You could feel his member pulsing as Jin placed his hands on your hips.

“Ready, baby?” his voice was husky, but the grin on his face just reminded you of his silly laugh. You let yourself admire his body hovering over yours. No matter how many times you’ve seen him naked like this, you can’t help but stare. Biting back a smile, you nodded, wrapping your hands around his biceps to brace yourself.

Jin’s thumb brushed your cheekbones as he met your lips with his, sliding easily into your heat. He welcome the moan that spilled from your mouth as his cock stretched you out. It had been too long. You tipped your head back, breaking from the kiss for air as you gasped, adjusting to his length. You let out a long whine as your grip on Jin’s arms tightened. He hissed as your nails dipped into his soft flesh, but quickly forgot the pain as you pushed your hips up gently, letting him know he could move.

You were so tight around him, he had a hard time even comprehending how he could get through this without exploding right now. But he owed you that much. Jin moved slowly, greedily drinking in the sight of your mouth fixed open, your breasts bouncing, your eyes struggling to stay open as you felt the ridges of his cock, pushing in and out of you. He adored this sight. You let out short, quiet gasps each time he thrust himself into you, deeper and deeper.

“That’s it, baby,” he moaned. He could watch you from this angle for the rest of his life. “I love you,” he whispered. He would say it over and over if it would make up for everything.

Your chest rose and fell with his movements, and you could only hear your own breath forced out with each buck of his hip into yours. You started to feel light headed as he began to speed up gradually, pulling you up by the hips to meet his own. The inside of your thighs grew wet as your juices trickled down, and the scent whispered subtly through the backseat. It felt so filthy, and yet, Jin’s soft mumbles of ‘I love you’s made it all feel that much more dreamy. You almost wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it– only someone like Jin could manage to make fucking in the backseat of a car so romantic.

You could feel every inch of his cock inside you and you clenched around his length, urging Jin to speed up. Your fingers drew away from his arms and found position around his torso, clinging to the small of his back as Jin moved his cock in and out of you faster, pushing your body back into the black leather with each thrust.

“Jin, baby,” you cried out. You couldn’t think of any words. “Babe, oh my God, Jin,” your nails clawed up and down the small of his back, the knot in your abdomen tightening until you felt like you might split open. “Jin!”

“Yes, baby, I know, keep going,” he breathed, pounding harder into you. The sound your skin slapping was so hot, but the velvety sound of Jin whispering sweet nothings into your ear did more for you than anything else. With the next thrust, you came all over his dick with a broken sob and some carnal sound that really only half resembled his name. Your orgasm crashed into you and the white noise was too loud in your ears to comprehend anything else. Jin’s voice sounded far away.

Your eyes screwed shut as you screamed out for him, the beads of sweat crowning your forehead beautifully. Jin swore on the stars in the sky watching you now that there was truly nothing as breathtaking as the way his name sounded coming from your lips. He let out a long moan as you writhed beneath him, helping you ride out your orgasm, but hearing you mewl like you were was not helping him hold on any longer.

“Fuck, honey, you’re gonna make me cum…” He sunk his head into your chest, the softness of his hair brushing over your neck. You jerked your hips upward and wrapped your fingers around the base of his neck, stroking it with a feather-light touch that made him shiver.

The veins in his biceps protruded as his body tensed on top of yours. You shoved your hands into his hair, tugging roughly as you rolled your hips up into him, feeling him reach his high. Your throat felt scratched up, and hardly a sound could leave it. “Jin,” you croaked. “I fucking love you so much.” Your voice was breathy, and raw. You weren’t even sure if Jin heard you, but it didn’t seem to matter.

“Ah, shit–” his words caught in his throat as his pressed his teeth around your collarbone and spilled his hot seed into you. Your core tightened again with the feeling. His pace slowed to give himself some sloppy thrusts as he finished, drawing more silent moans from you. You felt the dryness of your throat as Jin let every last drop of his cum find its place inside you.

“I love you,” he sighed before resting his head in the nook of your shoulder. You played idly with his hair, breathing hard against his warm body as you both regained steady breaths. The moonlight washed over you in the backseat and you wondered if anyone could see you.

You hummed in response, swallowing in hopes of wetting your throat. Jin pulled out of you slowly, wincing at the loss of heat as he searched through the clothes on the floor. He used his white shirt to wipe you, pressing random kisses to your stomach as you caught your breath. You used his body to help yourself sit up, leaning fully against the uncomfortably warm and wet leather seat. Jin began leaving a trail of kisses up your neck and all over your face, sending you into a fit of giggles as you squirmed against the seat.

You giggled, wrapping him still into a hug. “Don’t leave me hanging like that again, okay?”

Jin nodded with a loving smile. “But if backseat make-up sex is what we get…” he trailed off suggestively.

“Never again, am I clear?” Your voice was stern, but the smile in your eyes comforted Jin. He was forgiven.

The car beside you began to reverse, the red light burning into your vision. You gasped, pulling your arms over your bare chest as panic shot through your stomach. Jin followed your eyes and huffed. “I hope that stupid valet boy saw everything.”