#I ACTUALLY HAD FLUFF PLANNED

[hyperfixation-symposium]

Y'ALL I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING

So, we've had a lot of theories on what the federation did to q!Cellbit, and while I've agreed with some of the ideas they've never quite clicked with me completely.

I think they removed q!Cellbit's memories from before the island, like they did with the original Islanders.

Cellbit is one of the few people who fought to get off the island so hard because he had things he explicitly wanted to go back to. After Cucurucho tortured him with a chainsaw he said he had a life beforehand he wanted to go back to, it was something he was completely adamant about.

Even when he was pretending to join the federation, he explicitly was talking about his life before the island and how this was a lot better than that life.

But after his return? He's still adamant to leave, but he isn't rushing it as seriously. Why would a person that determined put their all consuming search on pause?

If they lost their reason for fighting.

He'd have the same thing the previous Islanders showed, and he seems to be taking their path - wanting to leave the island but being much more casual about it rather than the unbridled obsession Cellbit originally showed.

He's participating in events, he's following along with some of the Federation's doings, he's becoming a member of the island in a way the Brazilians hadn't before. But we've seen this in the original Islanders, and with many of the others when they stopped fighting as hard.

They've taken his past from him, in the way they have for the others.

Disfruta la isla

[dixongravesart]

(Click for better quality)

Zukki my beloved 💖

I'm not sure what tumblrs opinions on tatas are so they are censored but I also posted this on my bluesky where they are not

[might-be-tiny-gt]

Last year I wrote a story about a streamer who shrinks based on chat donations. I meant it as a one shot, but guys…. GUYSSSSS.

I think about this story ‘s universe a lot. I have lore notes just collecting dust and I need to share it or I might go absolutely mad XD Made these visuals charts to get the basics across but if you’re interested in my lore and semantic ramblings, feel free to read below the cut.

Consider this my unofficial pitch bible for Down Played.

General premise: Monica Diaz is Twitch streamer with steadily growing fan base. Her tag is MiniMushroom and her aesthetic is cottage core. She loves all things magical and tiny, especially toadstool mushrooms, that’s the image most associated with her “brand.” She’s approached by a mysterious benefactor who has developed technology specifically for Monica to test and utilize for her streams. It’s called Byte-Syzed Tech and it connects to a user’s twitch stream and based on the user’s preferences, gives the audience the ability to change the user’s height. The one shot I wrote takes place during Monica’s first live use of Byte-Syzed tech on stream. If I were to develop this into a full story I’d probably go back a bit and start around when Monica is first approached about using Byte-Syzed tech then continue to follow Monica adjusting to using Byte-Syzed more often. How she deals with the size change on camera, off camera, how her social and personal life are affected, all that good stuff. I think it would like a slice of life feel good kinda story.

Characters:

- Monica - Main character and primary user of Byte-Syzed tech. Surprisingly enough, she’s actually a law school grad who probably would have put her degree to use if she didn’t accidentally gain a massive following on twitch. Funny how life works out. She stands at 6’4 and always was fascinated with the idea of being small (Basically, she’s a g/t nerd who doesn’t know what g/t is) so being gifted Byte-Syzed and being able to use it on stream is kinda a dream come true.

- Kim - Monica’s girlfriend, roommate, and stream moderator. Kim and Monica were high school sweethearts but drifted apart in college due to personal matters in Kim’s life including having to drop out of college. Kim and Monica rekindled their relationship a few years later and Kim cites Monica and her encouragement as a big reason why she’s been able to get her life back together. She’s currently back in college working on getting her degree in Mathematics.

- The Twitch Team- Moni hosts solo streams but also very often collabs with three of her online friends. Ariel (@Lifeisthebubbles), a Vtuber who is the only one Moni has met in person. Corey (@McDonuts) an NB asmrist on youtube who started streaming games for fun. And Phin (@UrguyPhin) Corey's bf and the competitive gamer of the four. All three of them were streaming with Monica when she first used Byte-Syzed and have since gotten used to pausing their games so an ever shrinking Monica can adjust her set up.

- The Benefactors- Keeping their (Plural, there are two of them) exact identity to myself for the time being, but basically they’re mad scientists with the best intentions. Their antics have garnered attention across the internet as they have created and gifted inventions to up and coming online creators that seem to defy all laws of physics. Anti Gravity chambers, a literal money tree, a mask the morphs the wearer’s face, and now the Byte-Syzed size changing tech. Despite their inventions going viral, their identities have remained hidden. So what is their deal? They’re just big fans of these creators and for lack of drawing skills have gifted them weird inventions instead. Nerds… Due to the nature of Byte-Syzed and the possible effects it can have on the human body, Monica and Kim remain in close contact with them.

How Byte-Syzed Works in Universe: This I wrote tons of notes about when I first thought of the idea. Byte-Syzed can be divided into three key components; The program, the arm band monitor, and the sync suit.

The Program is installed on the user’s computer and connects directly to the arm band monitor and sync suit. The program has user friendly set up that allows the user to input the direction of height change (Shrink or Grow), The minimum or maximum height change, How height change occurs (By views, chat commands, donations, etc.), and rate of height change (How much height is gained or lost with each instance of viewer interaction.) EX: If height is based on donations, the user can set it up so they lose 1 inch for every 10 dollars donated. They can set the minimum height to 6 inches, so once they’ve received enough donations that they have shrunk down to 6 inches, Byte-Syzed will hold at that height. More donations may come in after, but the height will remain at 6 inches for the duration of the stream.)

The Arm Band Monitor, is the device the physically changes the user’s height after connecting to the Byte-Syzed Program. It also monitors and display’s the user’s current height and vitals. All data collected from the arm band will then be saved and can be referenced later if the band is connected to the computer. The arm band must be kept on at all times during active use and active reset of Byte-Syzed. Active use is the time in which Byte-Syzed is being used in a stream and the user’s height is actively changing. Active reset refers to time after the stream has ended and the user is either set at their new current height or in the process of returning to their normal height. After a stream has ended the user will remain at their changed height until they press the reset button on the monitor. Once the reset button is active, the user will return to their normal height at 1.5 times the amount of time it took to change to their current changed height. EX: A user has finished a stream that was 4 hours. They hit the reset button which will return them to normal over the course of 6 hours. (4x1.5=6) This only applies for time Byte-Syzed was in use, not how long a size change occurred. EX: If the user’s stream was 4 hours, but they reached their minimum height in 3 hours, the reset function will account for the 4 hours the stream lasted. This is a safety procedure to reduce stress on the user’s body. Note: If the reset button is not pressed, the user will remain at their changed height for a period of 12 hours. After 12 hours, the reset function will kick in automatically.

The Synchronized Suit or Sync Suit is directly connected to the Byte-Syzed program and will grow and shrink with the user at the same rate as the user. Normal clothing can be worn above it but they will not change size with the user, only the sync suit. The sync suit Monica received came with the suit, shoes, and a headset with a built in microphone to keep audio input even over the course of her size changing. More sync suits are in the process of being designed and produced, with the goal of making sync suits that resemble everyday clothing like t shirts or skirts.

Fun Story Ideas:

- Origin story. How Monica met the benefactors and was gifted Byte-Syzed, her and Kim’s gripes about using it, actually going through with it and the pros and cons she noticed, the end of her first size changing stream and dealing with being tiny in her own room and her girlfriend’s hands. Etc etc

- Monica finished a late night stream using byte Syzed and forgets to press reset when she goes to sleep so instead of growing back over the course of the night she wakes up at her tiny size. After realizing her mistake she begins the growth process but now has to do it while attempting to do her regular day time activities.

- Monica is approached by a doll company to collaborate on a new doll based on her, only issue, their studio is several hours away and they want her to model at both her full height and at the height of the dolls. After some consideration Monica and Kim decide to take a road trip to the studio and use Byte Syzed at the studio under Kim’s careful supervision. What could go wrong?

- Months have passed and Kim and Monica have grown well adjusted to the major size difference between them after Monica finishes a byte syze stream, however curiosity has gotten the best of her and Kim wonders what it would be like to be the tiny one for a change.

If you have read this far, you have my eternal gratitude. Thanks for reading this far, I really hope you liked it XD Maybe if time and motivation allows I can flesh the story out.

[italictext]

Made a DN oc (Rae, it/its)!! Rae and L work together and here's a doodle of Rae styling L's hair! :3

( @nateriverswife @/ing you because you're kinda the reason I decided to draw them lol)

[rhainontheshelves]

Remember, Recover

Member: Bang Chan {Stray Kids} and afab!reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, light smut description

Word Count: 4238

A/N: This is the complete version of a fic I posted back in 2019! Rip It finally passed my writer's uncertainty test so out it goes. Happy reading!- Rhin

     “... How long are you going to stay on my lap?”

     “However long it takes to finish this melody. Deal with it.” I said, plunking out a string of notes on the keyboard. Figuring out a concrete sheet of music was difficult when all I had was some sound clips Chan had come up with years ago. But, nevertheless, I managed to connect them and came up with a pretty good composition. I saved the file with a little “Yay!” and leaned back. 

     Chan groaned as my weight shifted further back on his legs. “Damn (Y/N), how many cheeseburgers did you eat today?”

     “Not as many as you. How many did you order, four?” I smirked.

     “It was only three, excuse me! And they were singles, you can’t blame me for cheating the system and getting three singles for less than a triple.”

     “Only because we’re broke and ordering off the dollar menu,” I said, twisting around to face him, “and two medium fries! Who are you, an unhealthy version of Gaston?”

     “Hey, don’t compare me to that jerk!” Chan tried hard to keep a straight offended face. “And I’m very healthy, thank you very much.”

     A couple moments of silence was enough to break my mask and burst out laughing. Chan’s face was too good not to. He chuckled along with me and stroked my hair as I leaned into his chest, trying to pull myself together. 

     “Wow, I’m tired,” I said, wiping tears from my eyes. “What time is it?”

     Chan glanced over to the computer. “Midnight on the dot.”

     “We have officially spent five hours in this dumb room.” I got up and grabbed a Pepsi from the minifridge. “Want one?”

     All Chan had to do was hold a hand out for me to toss one to him. Together, we unscrewed the lids and took huge swigs. We were in for a long night, so we needed all the energy we could get. 

     “Let’s take a break.” Chan said, rolling over to the couch and propping his feet up. “My brain is tired from trying to pull feelings and experiences from years ago up for lyrics.”

     I flopped on the couch, thinking of a way I could help out. To be honest, I hadn’t done anything of that nature since I graduated, and that was just about a year ago. The memory was pretty hazy (it was a black-out type of night), so that wouldn’t help out a lot.

     “(Y/N), do you trust me?” Chan asked out of the blue. 

     “What is that supposed to mean?”

     “Well, if this song is truly about sex, wouldn’t we need some moans in the background or something? The good ol’ bed creaks are getting a bit overused in this industry.”

     It took me a minute to process what Chan meant. “Wait… you want me to-”

     “No! Not if you don’t want to,” Chan’s cheeks turned red, “we can always pull audio from porn or something!”

     I looked at my best friend, sighed, and shook my head. “You’re lucky we need to get this track done by tomorrow afternoon,” I got up, turned off the lights, and went into the booth. 

     “Why did you-”

     “So I can still have some dignity by the end of the night,” I said into the microphone. “Can we just get a series and cut it into the song? It’s too tedious to do stuff at exact moments.”

     “That’s fine by me.” Chan affirmed. “Just say so when you’re done.”

     I awkwardly stood in the booth for a bit, trying to figure out the logistics of this. The microphone that was hooked up wasn’t omnidirectional, so getting into the right position for the audio to be captured was a big problem. Also the fact that Chan was here made me extremely nervous. I didn’t know why; we could usually talk for hours about this stuff. Maybe it was because it was for real instead of the usual imaginary scenarios. 

     Pulling up a chair, I sat down in it and carefully reached out toward the mic stand. I found the knob that adjusted the height and brought it down to its lowest position. Then, making myself as comfortable as I could be, I unbuttoned my jeans and slid a hand down. 

     “Any time now, (Y/N).” Chan’s voice boomed. The sudden fracture in the silence scared me and made me lose my start. 

     “Damn it Chan, I was just getting warmed up,” I muttered. “Just starting to get focused.”

     “Oh, sorry.” His voice sounded tiny over the speaker system. 

     “You’re good, just don’t do that again, okay?”

     “Got it.” With that, the static of an open line cut off, leaving me back at square one. 

     I sat there for a bit, trying to bring up a picture in my head that I could jack off to. Nothing in particular was coming to mind, except feeling something hard as I sat on Chan’s lap just a couple minutes ago. I zoned in on that feeling, and started to find something I could associate it with… and then my brain betrayed me. 

     “Hey Chan… do you remember that party we went to a couple years back? You needed to blow off some steam from being cooped up with the guys too long and I needed some relief from college?”

     Static started buzzing again. “Yeah, I remember that. It was a fun night.”

     “I don’t know any other way to say this, but… I can’t get this image of you out of my head… I think we did something that night.”

     “I wouldn’t be surprised if we did. We were pretty drunk.”

     “No, you don’t understand. All I can remember after the sixth shot of whiskey is undoing someone’s belt while they marked me up. Their shirt was red, like that one button-up you have that I like so much.”

     “Oh… that… yeah, that was me.”

     “You remember?” Honestly, I was shocked. I was certain that Chan got even drunker than I did.

     “Yeah, every second. I wasn’t as drunk as you then.”

     “Well, tell me about it then, since I obviously don’t remember.”

     “Um, okay.” There was some hesitation there. I knew Chan well enough to know that this was important to him for some reason; he would have told me about it sooner if it wasn’t.

     “Hey, it’s okay Chan.” I soothed him. “It won’t mess up our friendship.”

     “Are you sure?” his voice was shaky. 

     “I’m absolutely positive.”

     “Well, it started when you pulled me away from the dance floor. Apparently I was grinding on some girl you didn’t like. I could tell you were getting faded, so I didn’t take it too seriously. As you were ranting about it, you started to say peculiar things. Like, “you have no right to look that fine” and “if you had another button undone and your sleeves already rolled up when you picked me up we would have never left the house”, things like that. Obviously I had turned you on and drunk (Y/N) gets really bold and horny. I don’t really remember what you said next, but I couldn’t stop myself from kissing you.”

     I was starting to remember, recalling the atmosphere and how Chan looked that night. That was one of the top times where I just wanted to hop on his dick and ride the night away. I wasn’t proud of it, but it happened. 

     “You backed me up against a wall and started unbuttoning my shirt. I realized where we were going at that point and quickly picked you up and headed towards the nearest room so we could have some privacy. Luckily it was a bedroom and the door was able to be locked. You started working on my belt and I gave you two hickeys on your shoulder. Once that belt was gone, you started undressing and I lost it. Lust just burned through me and you seemed pleased that you brought it on.”

     Chan was slightly caught off guard as whimpers came through the other end of the mic. (Y/N) must be remembering and getting off on that. He couldn’t deny that his mind was roaming back to then as well. 

     “Chan, don’t stop talking. I want to remember everything.” (Y/N) whined.

     Chan could feel the lust creeping up again. It made him cocky; it made him want to hear what (Y/N) had to offer. “Everything?”

     “Everything.”

     “I picked you up and threw you on the bed, trapping you under my body. You pulled me down for another kiss, but I was already there. As we made out, my hands traveled around, We pulled apart for air and I swear you looked like an angel, all out on display for me. You begged for me to do something, anything… so I got on my knees and pulled you forward until I could devour you properly.”

     Chan described the rest of the encounter in graphic detail, and that was more than enough to help me out. By the end of it, I had cummed twice and moaned up a storm. I was confident that I had recorded good material. 

     “Alright, that’s a wrap.” I stated as I buttoned up my jeans. 

     Chan didn’t answer. 

     “Chan?” I called as I exited the room. 

     He wasn’t at the soundboard. The door was wide open though. 

     “Chris?” I called again, sticking my head out of the door.

     No one was there to hear me. 

     Concerned, I picked my phone off of the coffee table and there was a notification for a text - from Chan. 

     Went out to grab some food. I’ll be back soon

     I ended up spending the rest of the night in the studio- without Chan. I cut the audio and put it into the backtrack as best I could. I told myself that he would come back and rearrange it the way he wanted it to be, but around 4:30 AM I started to doubt that. I recorded my parts that were marked on the lyric sheet, but soon I was so exhausted that my voice didn’t sound like mine anymore. The smell I left behind made me so nauseous that I sprayed what seemed like half a can of air freshener all around the studio before crashing on the couch. 

     “... (Y/N)! (Y/N), wake up!” A voice called as they shook my shoulder. 

     “Huh?” My eyes finally registered the light and I put my arm over them. “What time is it?”

     “It is currently 9:30. Where’d Chan go?”

     With that comment, my eyes flew open and I got a good look at who awakened me. It was Jisung, another one of the Stray Kids members I had gotten close with. If Jisung was here… then Chan never came back.

     “He left.” I said bluntly as I sat up and rubbed the sleepiness out of my eyes. 

     “What?” 

     “He left. He went to get food and never came back.”

     “Shit.” Jisung breathed. He whipped out his phone and called someone, presumably another member. “Hey Changbin, did Chan ever come back last night? No? Well, (Y/N) doesn’t know where he is either. Yep- yeah. I will. See ya.” With that, he hung up and ran his fingers through his hair. 

     “He’ll turn up.” I tried to comfort him. “At least you all don’t have anywhere to be today.”

     “I guess.” Jisung sounded really bummed and concerned. “He never does this, not without contacting one of us first.”

     I let Jisung think for a minute before standing up and stretching. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I need to run home and shower and change. Being in here for 11 hours isn’t too good on the hygiene.”

     “When will you get back?”

     “About 30, 45 minutes? Somewhere around there.”

     “Good, because I still need to think about whether I should help you finish this track or not. Judging by those lyrics…” he nodded toward the sheet of paper and grinned, “I don’t think I should be.”

     I turned a dark shade of red before darting out the door. I was too embarrassed about last night to stay in the studio one second longer. God forbid I was there when Jisung listened to what I had so far. I mean, I trusted him, but having him hear bare audio of me moaning was pushing the bar a little bit more than a lot. When effects and vocals and the other layers of the backing was put on over it, I wouldn’t have a problem with people listening, but in the raw form it was in now, it was too intimate.

     As I walked back to my apartment, I mulled over why Chan had left. I wanted to believe that it was for some normal reason, like he was feeling too uncomfortable to stay or he actually went to grab food, but something had distracted him. Maybe he was sleeping at the dorms and nobody had noticed yet, or he was back at my place sleeping. Maybe it was nothing to worry about and he would be back and fixing all of my mistakes when I got back to the studio. But, deep in my heart, I knew it was way more complicated than that. 

     The project was put on hold indefinitely until Chan could be found. I looked everywhere with the rest of Stray Kids, checking his most frequented places and even calling one of his relatives that lived in the area. Any place I recalled him liking, I went and searched every nook and cranny.  

     “Yeah, no luck on my end either,” I told Minho on the phone. “He’s dropped off the face of the planet.”

     “Damn! He couldn’t have gone far.” Minho growled. 

     “We should probably stop looking for him.” Jeongin’s voice came through. “It’s Chan. He’s not stupid. He’ll be back before we know it.” 

     I sighed, not wanting to admit that the youngest was right. “I’m still worried about him.”

     “Worrying won’t do us any good at this point. I agree with Jeongin.”

     “Okay. Make sure the others know. I’ll give you any updates if I have any.” With that, I was left alone with my thoughts.

     I wandered around the part of town I had ended up in. Ever since my brain had fully woken up, I had been replaying last night over and over, trying to pick out the point where Chan had dropped out. The frustrating part was, I had absolutely no clue. I had gotten so lost in myself that I had blocked Chan out. Now that we couldn’t find him, I felt extremely guilty. I found a bench to sit on and wait through the wave of fresh emotions. How could I have been so insensitive to his feelings about the situation? I should have sensed them sooner. 

     A cold drop of liquid on the back of my neck brought me into reality again. I watched the pavement turn darker as it started to sprinkle. Watching the rain... wait. 

     I was reminded of a very obscure memory. Chan and I had only known each other for a couple months. We had to meet up to finish a group project for school, and if I remembered right, we had met up in the park behind me. We were a paragraph out from finishing when it started to rain just like this. In a rush to protect our work, Chan pulled me to the cafe across the street. Had he? I couldn’t clearly recall. 

     Shielding my face from the rain, I wandered across the street, looking for a cafe. The other businesses looked so dry and inviting, but I couldn’t stop until I found what I was looking for. 

     Finally, I found a cafe a few blocks over from where I thought it was. By this point I was absolutely soaked, but I didn’t care. The thought of finally finding Chan was giving me a small adrenaline rush. 

     A little tinkling bell greeted me as I walked into the warm cafe. The smell of fresh pastries and coffee made my stomach growl. I had been so preoccupied with the search that I hadn’t eaten all day. 

      “Hello!” A kind voice called from the counter. 

      “Hello!” I responded. Walking up, I started scanning the menu. Now that we had called the search off, it wouldn’t hurt to take a break, right?

     “It’s certainly coming down out there, isn’t it?” the barista asked with a hint of amusement in her voice. 

     “Yes, ma’am. I must be a sight for sore eyes.”

     “You do look a little frazzled. Not the worst I’ve seen these past couple of days, though.”

     “Oh, really?”

     “Yeah. A guy came in late last night totally drunk. My manager took pity on him and got him a hotel room.”

     My breath hitched. “Did he happen to have curly brown hair? A little taller than me, muscular?”

     The barista raised an eyebrow. “Do you know him?”

     “I’m looking for him, actually. If you could tell me which hotel he’s at, I would really appreciate it.”

     “Lemme call my manager real quick.” the barista disappeared into the kitchen for a couple of minutes, then returned with a piece of paper. “Here’s the address and room number. The room’s paid for, so don’t worry about that.” 

     I took the paper from her. “Thank you so much! We’ve been worried about him.”

     “I’m glad someone cares. He was rambling on about letting someone important down. It was really sad.”

     That really concerned me. I had never known Chan to be a talkative or a sad drunk, nevermind the fact that he was drunk in the first place. Whatever he was battling, he really wanted to get away from it. “I would like to order some food and coffee to go. I imagine he’ll be hungry, and to be honest I am as well.”

     The barista’s eyes lit up. “Sure! What would you like?”

     Twenty five minutes later, I approached a local hotel with warm soup and coffee. The rain had stopped, but dark clouds still hung in the sky. It struck me just how late it had become; my phone informed me that it was nearing a quarter past five. The sun would go down soon. 

     The desk attendant looked up at me expectantly as I entered. “Hi, I’m here to visit the person in room 24?” 

     “Okay. You can go on up.” they went back to writing in the notebook they had.

     The layout of this small hotel was confusing, but eventually I found my way up to the second floor and found room 24. I cautiously knocked on the door, listening for any kind of response from the other side. Hearing nothing, I knocked again and said, “I brought some food for you.”

     A faint voice called back, “The door’s unlocked.”

     I sighed in relief, thankful that my best friend was alive and talking. Hauling the food into one arm for a moment, I turned the knob and poked my head into the room.

     It was a cozy little suite. One queen-sized bed, with the typical white duvet. An armchair in vaguely matching upholstery was placed near the window, alongside a circular coffee table. A door suggested either an attached bathroom or a closet. However, the main feature of the room was in bed, looking very sleepy and surprised to see me at his door. 

     “Hey Chris. I have soup and coffee, if you have the stomach for it. I don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve eaten…” I entered and placed the food on the coffee table. 

     The man’s expression was hard to read. There was confusion, like he was wondering how I found him, but there was also apprehension and guilt. The way he curled into himself as I sat next to him on the bed didn’t escape my attention. “Me and the boys looked all day for you. I’m so glad you’re safe.”

     Chan fiddled with his hands, avoiding eye contact.

     “Listen… I’m sorry about last night. It was selfish of me. I understand if we just don’t talk about it again.” 

     Chan’s silence was making me increasingly anxious. Normally, I would have thrown myself at him by now, begging for forgiveness or even a glance in my direction. But this was serious. The possibility of this ruining our friendship was suffocating me to the point of mirroring Chan’s attitude. “If you want me to leave, I can. This must have been emotional for you, I don’t want to make it worse.”

     At that, Chan reached his hand out, placing it in the space between us. LIke he didn’t want me to leave. Like he was telling me to stay. 

     I placed my hand over his, slowly curling my fingers until I was holding his hand. I didn’t dare ask any questions; he needed to work through this for himself. He would talk when he was ready. To distract myself, I looked out the window and watched the sunset through the buildings. 

     Chan buried his face in the crook of my neck. I could feel the remnants of tears on his cheeks and smell the day-old beer on his breath. My free hand slowly came up to run through his unkempt, curly locks in attempts to comfort him. If all he needed was to sit here for the rest of eternity, I would surely do it. 

     “I got hammered after.” Chan said low and rough and soft, like he hadn’t spoken for days and cried instead. 

     “...after?”

     “After we fucked at the party. I don’t know why it suddenly crashed over me, but I couldn’t deal with the fact that I felt like I betrayed and used you. I remember downing three of the highest concentrated beers they had in a row before passing out on the couch.”

     That explained why Chan was so much more hungover than I was. It also explained why he had distanced himself from me- then and now. In the days afterward, I had felt so confused and angry at myself because Chan avoided me at all costs. He wouldn’t answer my texts, he wouldn’t even look at me whenever we bumped into each other. I had to call Changbin to find out an inkling of the reason and proceeded to send a huge apology letter to Chan. Of course, Chan being Chan, he said “No, I should be the one apologizing.” and went back to being my best friend. Now, I realized that I made Chan go through that all over again and I felt extremely guilty. 

     “Chan, I’m so sorry for doing that to you. I was drunk and stupid and-”

     “You were just voicing something you had kept for a long time.” Chan’s soft voice brought my excitement down again. “I used you to satisfy my own needs.”

     “No!” I shook my head vigorously. “No, that’s not it. I know you, Chan. If there wasn’t a desire there, you would have carried me out of there and dropped me at home. There’s something else. Chan, do you- do you like me?”

     There. I had said it. The one question that had been on both of our minds pretty much since the time we met. There were green flags everywhere, and we were forcing ourselves to be oblivious to them out of fear. Our friends would constantly point them out, but we were scared that we would lose each other if we asked. That line we so clearly drew, and I just crossed it. 

     His answer was so quiet, I almost missed it. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

    “Good, because I like you too.”

     The relief that washed over Chan’s face was so freeing. He looked me in the eyes for the first time in what seemed like forever, and his eyes were shining brighter than the moon. Even as I leaned in to kiss him, a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. 

     His lips were a bit chapped, but that was fine with me. Each kiss held a gentleness and a purpose that overrode any uncomfortable feelings. Chan latched his strong arms around me, pulling me closer to him. I smiled and brought my hand up to guide our motions in order to adjust to the closer proximity, but he grabbed my hand and brought it back down, intertwining our fingers. 

     When we stopped to catch our breaths, I was grinning from ear to ear, glad that this conflict was finally over. Glad that we could be happy again. 

Epilogue

     “Are you ever going to finish this, hyung? Didn’t you make a deal with the company over it?” Jisung picked up a piece of paper from off of the table where Chan had dumped out his lyrics portfolio. Half of them weren’t finished, but that was the best place to start when it was time to start working on a new album. 

     Chan furrowed his eyebrows. “Finish what?” 

     “The song you were pulling an all-nighter to make with (Y/N) a couple months ago.”     Realization dawned on Chan, making him sink into his chair. They never finished the fucking song. 

     “I gotta say, you were on some shit when you started writing this-”

     Chan snatched the paper out of the rapper’s hand. “It’s none of your business,” he muttered, turning back to his laptop to hide his embarrassment.

[arom-antix]

Viktuuri week day 6: Love

[sshcomic]

You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au

May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?

oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰

nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!

as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.

i guess we'll see!

[boyfrillish]

The other day, I was going through my Switch screenshots from Sword to try to find something else and remembered all of the Emotional Pain™ from up until the Final battle lmao

Anyway, yes, these two sillies still give me All The Feels in all the ways, for like 8 whole months and counting now. The OTP ever

[catboydan]

fiance got me a kindle for my birthday <3

[liaswritesrobots]

Paternus

Guiledart fumbled with the bottle in his hand. No matter how hard he tries this baby that Saberback nabbed for ransom will not stop crying. Is it perhaps that his face is scary to the child? He does suppose he is rather gruff looking. Even DNAVI's attempts to get the baby to stop crying only lasts so long.

Dead End and Archadis aren't much help either. All they're doing is complaining about the noise. Guiledart knows he needs to calm this baby down before Magmatron decides to silence him permanently. Luckily, the baby starts laughing soon after Archadis does.

It doesn't last long though. He soon goes back to crying after DNAVI yells at him for urinating on her. Guiledart begins to bounce the baby in his arm again and tries to give him more milk, but he keeps crying.

"Guiledart." Magmatron's voice booms from behind him and Guiledart turns around.

"Apologies Lord Magmatron, I'm trying to get him to stop."

Magmatron extends a hand towards Guiledart, "Give me the child."

Guiledart freezes. He doesn't want to disobey an order but… this is a baby… surely Lord Magmatron wouldn't…

"Now Guiledart." He commands.

He swallows hard and gently places the small creature in Magmatron's hand. He watches as Magmatron brings the baby to his chest, gently cradling him and shushing him in a soft tone while gently rubbing the baby's stomach with one digit. Much to Guiledart's surprise, the baby stops crying and starts laughing instead, reaching his little paws up towards Magmatron's claw. He thinks he can see a hint of a smile on Magmatron's face as the baby coos and giggles. Magmatron gently rocks the baby and begins to hum a tune that Guiledart doesn't recognize.

"Sir, I-I had no idea you were so good with children."

"I used to watch after Megastorm for Galvatron when he was very young." Magmatron responds, stopping his humming, "Though this one is less bratty." He remarks looking down at the baby, who seems to be drifting to sleep in his hand. Magmatron waits until he hears the soft snores of the child before extending his arm back to Guiledart. Guiledart perks up as Magmatron gently sets the baby back into his arms, careful not to wake him, "Saberback should be back with the capsule soon. If the baby wakes up before then bring him to me." Magmatron turns his back to Guiledart to return to his throne in the next room.

"Yes sir, of course." Guiledart responds, still dumbstruck by Magmatron's ability to calm this child so quickly.

[karasimpno]

Top ten biggest anime betrayals just happened to me

[quil12]

I just finished the rough draft of a chapter for a fic and it's just under 5k words

[voidedmuffin]

Nothing like suddenly getting a wild hair to finally pick back up a fanfic wip you haven't touched in literally four fucking years lmao

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

Career Day

Tags: teeth rotting fluff, crack, jjk men as dads / fem!reader

An: Your child comes home and says tomorrow is career day at their school. They want to bring you and their daddy to school to show off how cool you two are, but.. their dad doesn’t exactly have the most conventional job.

SATORU • SUGURU • TOJI • SUKUNA

SATORU

“My daddy is the strongest!” Your son explains to a room full of his peers. Satoru is proudly beaming next to him. You note how much they look alike. The white hair, the bright blue eyes. Your son looks like he came straight from Satoru and had nothing to do with you.

But your son, Aoi, definitely had your personality.

“Nuh uh. He can’t be the strongest. Superman’s the strongest!” Another kid protested with an unconvinced frown.

“Well, my daddy is like superman!” Aoi retorts, keeping his headstrong personality like his mama. “Actually, he’s even better than superman!”

“He’s not even wearing a suit!” A different child speaks up. You share a nervous glance with Satoru. He’s enjoying this all too much.

“He doesn’t need a suit to be the strongest, dumbass!” Your sweet boy yells, and you promptly cover his mouth. Satoru is laughing his ass off, making the entire situation worse.

Correction, Aoi trying out his dad’s signature hand signal and saying “domain expansion” made the entire situation so much worse.

“You’re grounded, Aoi. You can’t say those things to other people. It’s rude and hurtful.” You say as you and Satoru walk your young boy home. Aoi lets out a small frustrated groan.

“I’m still getting him ice cream.” Satoru interjects with a proud smile. “My boy tried to cast his first domain at just six-years-old. He deserves a sweet treat.” Two wide smiles look up at you, and you realize you’re outnumbered here. Rolling your eyes, you nudge Satoru.

“I want a girl next.”

SUGURU

Mimiko and Nanako begged Suguru to come to their school’s career day. He was of course hesitant to do so, given that Jujutsu sorcery was still a hidden art in Japan. He didn’t exactly know how to explain his career to a bunch of kids.

He had a plan though. He would just tell the children that he was a preacher at a church. It’s not… completely a lie. He was a leader for.. a type of church.

You and Geto walk into the cozy looking classroom and see a load of other parents there. Your husband grimaced at the thought of having to interact with all these… people.

You give Suguru a reassuring squeeze of the hand. “It’ll be okay. Anything for the girls, right?” You whisper into his ear, making him nod. Anything for the girls.

When it’s finally Mimiko and Nanako’s turn to explain what their daddy does for a living, your small family gathers at the front of the classroom. Plenty of small innocent faces and reassuring smiles fill the room.

“Okay girls, tell us what your parents do for a living.” Their teacher prompts with a warm smile.

“My daddy swallows balls for a living!” Nanako says proudly with a beaming smile.

The kids erupted into laughter while their parents gave you two disgusted looks.

To make matters worse, “He also hates filthy mo-“ Mimiko tries to add on, but Geto quickly covers her mouth with his hand.

After explaining what a vivid imagination your twins have, you go on to explain that Geto is a leader at a church, and well, that doesn’t go over too well either.

“Homeschool?” Geto suggests as the four of you walk home.

“Most definitely.” You agree. Mimiko and Nanako are now educated by you at the home, where they can’t out their dad for swallowing balls.

TOJI

“Mama, make papa come to career day.” Your young son, Megumi, demanded. He had a small little pout on his face, and his arms were firmly crossed over his chest. Behind him, Toji stood, shaking his head at his son’s determination.

He often did this: telling you to make Toji do something because you were the only person who could make Toji do anything. After all these years, mans was still wrapped around your finger.

“Baby, Papa’s job is kinda private.” You explain quietly as you pet Megumi’s soft hair.

The small boy’s look of determination shifted to a look of reserve. Even as a young child, he wasn’t great at showing when his feelings were hurt, but you could always tell.

“Gumi.” You say his name softly, bending over to look at the boy’s flat expression.

You were also the only one who could coax Megumi into showing his real emotions.

Tears welled in his eyes, and his bottom lip started quivering. “I don’t wanna be the only one whose parents didn’t come.”

“Oh baby.” You frown as you pull your son into a hug. You glare upwards at Toji, and his eyes widened slightly. He knew what that look meant. “You’re going to career day.” You say to him, leaving no room for argument.

The next day,

“Okay Mr. Fushiguro, what do you do for a living?” The teacher asks Toji as he’s sat next to Megumi. Your son is actually smiling, enjoying the fact that Toji actually came to career day.

“People pay me a large sum of money, and I take care of someone for them.” Toji explains vaguely.

“Oh! Like a doctor?” One of the kids asked with an impressed smile.

“Sure, like a doctor.” Your husband lies, knowing that he does quite the opposite of what a doctor does.

SUKUNA

The look on the kids faces as your tall, muscular, tatted husband walked into the classroom was hilarious. Most of them were completely mortified, giving Sukuna frightened stares.

Your husband was completely unfazed. If anything, he was soaking in the kids’ fear. He sat at the front of the room with a look of arrogance.

Your nephew, Yuji, sat between you two. No, he was technically not your kid, but he didn’t have anyone else to bring to career day. So, Unc Sukuna and Auntie Yn were to the rescue.

“And.. what do you do for work, sir?” The teacher asked in almost a judgmental tone as she eyed Sukuna. You couldn’t tell if she despised him or wanted to fuck him.

“I don’t work. I live off tithe.” Sukuna bluntly answered with a shrug. His lopsided smile never left his face.

“What’s a tithe?” A small child asked quietly.

“It means people pay me out of fear of that I’ll harm them if they don’t.” Your husband gives a child a sharp stare with a challenging smile. He wanted the kids to keep asking questions. The thought of scaring multiple children all at once fueled him.

“Like… beat them up?” Another child asked.

“Like eating their snot-nosed children.” Sukuna answered with a toothy grin. The children all shrieked and cried in terror. Hell, even their parents looked frightened.

“Ryomen.” You chide as you look over towards your husband. He was laughing maniacally, even slapping his knee like the old man he was.

Yuji never invited you two to another career day.

[killerpancakeburger]

Thinking about a Reader who ends up having Scary Dog Privileges with Ghost without meaning to. It just happened.

Then they have to deal with the fact that this comes with duties too.

Tags: civilian!reader, gn!reader, mostly fluff, a bit suggestive, smug!Ghost, smooth!Ghost. 800 words.

Part 2. Part 3.

When Ghost is reluctant to getting sutured in Medical after accidentally opening his stitches, grumbling he can do it himself, who does the nurse call for? Yeah, you.

She could stand her ground, after all she's used to dealing with big, whiny men, but it's much more fun to knock on your door and smile at your bewildered gaze and gaping mouth when she explains the situation in two sentences.

"Ghost's being difficult, mind taking over?" "I'm sorry, what the hell does this have to do with me?" "C'm'on, everyone on base knows he's got a soft spot for you. Don't you want to make my job easier?"

You roll your eyes and slam your hands on your desk as you get up. Groaning as you walk past her— "I'm doing this for you, nothing else, got it?"

Mumbling to yourself "you've got to be kidding me" as you barge into the sick bay. Ghost is coolly seated at the end of a bed, large as life, casual clothes as black as his mask and— oh. You weren't told the wound was on his thigh— you weren't warned that he didn’t have pants on. You can’t help it, your eyes go down, down, your lingering gaze and your flustered silence forming a confession louder than words.

A noise — a scoff or a grunt, you’re not sure — emanates from him, breaks your trance, makes you look up. The amusement in his gaze tells you he noticed your oggling— of course he did. Nothing gets past the Ghost, and you've been remarkably unsubtle. Despite the mask, you swear you can make out the smug smirk on his lips. His cockiness reignites your irritation. Annoyance making you bolder than you really are, you charge at him, crossing the distance between you two in a stride, stopping close— too close. He doesn't back off.

"What's wrong with you?" you snarl. "Nothin'," he retorts, imperturbable.

It's actually the first time you’re overlooking him. You may be enjoying it a bit too much. Nevermind the fact that you've had to wedge yourself between his parted legs to get there.

You frown, unconvinced by his answer.

“Did Soap contaminate you?”

Bargaining to be cleared out earlier was the Scotsman's trademark.

“Johnny throws a fit cos he hates feeling useless. That's not what I'm doing.”

A smirk stretches your lips.

“Oh, no? I'm sure your reasons are much more noble.”

“Doesn't matter. Got what I wanted anyway.”

He's way too self-satisfied for a man in his underwear.

You throw an unequivocal look in the direction of his injury.

“What you wanted? A still open wound?”

“You.”

He replied without missing a beat, as confident as usual. It is both alluring and aggravating.

“And your idea of wooing me is making me upset?”

You don't add “because if it is, that's really fucking stupid” out loud, but you’re sure he got the message through your tone.

“Nah. But you're more honest when you’re angry. Gutsier.”

You only realize he slipped his index and middle fingers in your trouser loops when he sharply tugs at them. Off balance, you steady yourself by catching his shoulders.

Taking advantage of the strip of bare skin between your shirt and bottoms, the pads of his thumbs idly stroke your hip bones. The contact sends electricity through you, shivers of pleasure running down your sides.

“Ghost,” you start, severe, trying not to let the effect his touch has on you show in your voice.

“Simon,” he counters, surly. “Told ya it's Simon when we're alone, didn't I?”

He did, but you didn’t think he was serious. If that's what it takes to get him to listen… you’ll play by his rules.

“Simon. What's the rest of your brilliant plan? I'm here, but I can’t stitch you up.”

“How ‘bout a deal. I'll stop resisting… for a price.”

You raise an amused eyebrow.

“What kind of price?”

“A kiss.”

You snort. You didn’t believe him capable of something so… puerile.

“With the mask on?”

He doesn't move a muscle to get rid of it.

“Take it off.”

You usually wouldn’t obey what sounds like an order so easily, but it's the first time you get to touch the skull. Slipping two fingers between skin and cloth, you slowly roll up the mask all the way under his nose.

You gently trace the scars surrounding his lips. Then, the second you feel him relax, grip on your hips slackening and intensity of his gaze waning, you grab the bottom of his mask and drag it back down vigorously, making the holes for the eyes land way too low for him to see anything.

“If you thought you'd get a reward for acting out, you've got another think coming.”

[lokissweater]

“i love you and i love you.” ᡣ𐭩

{yuta okkotsu x f!reader}

summary: yuta okkotsu has been hopelessly in love with you since he was fifteen. you, his muse and his reason to live as you took care of him growing up more than anyone else in his life. in fear of breaking your best friend pact and losing you entirely, yuta swallows his feelings for the sake of keeping you in his life, but he can only take so much.

warnings: college au, friends to best friends to lovers trope, lowkey ooc yuta oops, mentions of underage drinking, hopelessly devoted and lovesick yuta for reader, cursing!!! both reader and yuta cuss lol, lots and lots of fluff, ANGST, afab!reader, use of y/n, pet names, no smut in this one! slight sexual themes, reader is older than yuta by two years.

word count: 8.7k

authors note: YAAALLL i actually poured my heart and soul out into this one so i really hope it reaches your heart and soul as well! it is so so cute and i had so much fun writing it. this is definitely not the end of this au! i plan to write more short stories that take place after this one :) mwah.

————————————————————————

yuta was thirteen years old when he first saw you.

you were a casual friend of his older brother who had invited his entire group of friends over for a thanksgiving feast reunion amongst yourselves. yuta stayed locked in his room for the most part, from time to time lazily making his way down the halls and through the kitchen where you all sat to get a glass of water for himself, silently savoring at the food on the table.

eventually you had picked up on his lame attempts of coming into the kitchen for random excuses, concluding that he just wanted to gawk at the food and maybe score a bite or two of the pumpkin pie drenched in whipped cream, sitting pretty and proud in the middle of the table.

but after various unsuccessful attempts and various defeated stomps down the hall and back to his room after every shoo from his brother, he knew he wasn’t going to get even a lick. at the end of the night when the group settled down and many began to take their leave, yuta made his way back down one more time in search of any lucky scraps left behind.

but what he found instead was you, standing in the kitchen with a white porcelain plate in your hands, a slice of pumpkin pie drenched in whipped cream sitting pretty in the middle.

“for you,” you had said calmly, plate outstretched, beckoning him to take it. “i saw you come down a few times looking at it, and i think whoever brought it is taking the rest of it back home, so here.”

yuta had never spoken to a girl before, much less a fifteen year old one with the sweetest smile he had ever seen in his life on her face, but he timidly and awkwardly took the smooth plate from your offering hands, and muttered a squeaky thank you before stumbling down the hall and slamming his bedroom door shut.

from then on, yuta looked forward to the next time his brother would have his friends over, nagging at him constantly with questions of when, and even going as far as to straight up planning the hangouts himself (the location of all of them being at their house of course), but his brother would only shove him out of his room and lock the door shut.

luckily for yuta his wish was granted, and his curious eyes saw you around a lot more often than not, and you gradually became a close friend of yuta���s brother instead of just casual one. every time you came over to his house, you always greeted him with the biggest smile on your face before going into his brother’s room with the rest of the group. and over time, your greetings to yuta went from sweet smiles, to pats on the head, to ruffling up his hair occasionally, and to his personal favorite, the side hug.

you always were around in yuta’s growing life and always made sure he had gotten something to eat that day, or if he had a ride to soccer practice, or if his phone had enough battery to last him through his tutoring sessions, or even if he had someone going to watch his soccer games in the mornings (which was never).

yuta was fifteen when he realized he liked you.

“so no one is going?” you asked sharply, “again?”

yuta shrugged. “its at eight o’ clock in the morning. i don’t expect anyone to, not even you-“

“well i’m going,” you said simply, putting the rest of your textbooks away in your locker and slamming it shut. “geez not even your brother goes to your games? i’m gonna yell at him later.”

“it’s fine.” yuta shook his head and gave you a small smile, his insides twisting and contorting with an overwhelming boy crush for you. “a lot of my teammates parents don’t go either, usually only to the first two of the season.”

but not you. you went every single time, even going as far as dragging his brother with you so he could have family there to watch him play. yuta always made sure to turn and raise a hand to you from across the field, waving it side to side before getting back in the game, his heart thumping wildly in his chest with an insane sense of adrenaline to do good on the field and show off— because you were watching.

yuta was still fifteen when he realized you liked his brother.

firstly, he felt utterly stupid for not picking up on it before. yuta was always too busy staring at you and memorizing every inch and detail of your face to realize that you were looking at his brother the same way yuta looked at you. he was too busy running around in soccer fields and eating the ham sandwiches you always made for him after practices to realize how red your face would get when you sat next to his brother during his games, or when you gave him sandwiches. yuta was too busy drooling over you in his mind that sometimes you wouldn’t even notice him waving at you from across the field like he always did, your eyes trained on his brother instead, that sweet smile he was all too familiar with shining for someone else.

it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair at all. yuta felt like his brother always got everything and he always ended up with scraps. yuta never got a friend group like his, or a stellar reputation in a sport like he did, or people at his beck and call everywhere he went, or nominations for pointless shit like homecoming king.

but yuta didn’t give a flying fuck about any of that. he didn’t want any of that. he wanted you. just you.

but he couldn’t have you.

yuta was sixteen when he realized he was in love with you.

he had been for a while actually, and he knew it, but the thought alone of you liking his stupid brother only fueled the fire of denial to save himself from getting hurt more than he already was.

but it was absolutely pouring rain that day, his tutoring session having been cancelled last minute due to the weather, and because of this he had no ride home and no umbrella to even attempt at walking home, not that he could anyways seeing as it would take him thirty minutes to do so. yuta absolutely could not take that chance. he had his laptop in his backpack with all of his school work, and worst of all, his final project that he had been working on since the beginning of the school year, a precious green portfolio filled with notes worth more than gold to him.

yuta grumbled as he scuffed his feet against the concrete at the front of his school under a rooftop, lips pressed into a thin line in annoyance. his parents were at work, there was no way they could just drop everything and go to him (not that they would anyways), and his brother was too busy hanging out with you doing god knows what at god knows where— so even calling you was out of the picture.

at the mere thought of you hanging out with his brother, he sighed softly, sadly, and slumped down on a blue bench with his cold hands stuffed into the pockets of his jacket, eyes trained to the ground.

heavy pit pats of rain smacked against the ground as he sat there in thought, the sounds of cars zooming down the wet streets as the only source of life around besides himself, seeing as it was already late in the day and everybody else had gone home. without him even noticing, the front doors beside him creaked open as he sat there grumbling.

“yuta?”

his head snapped up upon hearing your pretty voice call out to him, his eyes wide as he saw you standing there with an umbrella.

“what are you doing here?” he asked softly, standing up. yuta looked at you then and noticed your eyes were red and tired, and a shock of worry shot up his spine.

“i was-”

“are you okay?” he asked quickly. “your eyes are red.”

“oh really?” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes with your palm, waving him off. “it’s nothing, i didn’t even notice.”

he pursed his lips, concern written all over his face as he took in your defeated expression, but before he could press any further, you spoke again.

“why aren’t you in tutoring?”

“oh they cancelled last minute,” he stuffed his hands further into his jacket and looked to the side. “i don’t have a ride home now because of it, and i can’t even walk home because it’s raining hard as fuck and i have my laptop in my backpack.”

you hummed in understanding, and even though it looked like the worst possible thing ever just happened to you, you gave him that same sweet smile he craved every time he saw you. “let’s walk to your house together. i have an umbrella we can try and fit under.”

he looked at you incredulously. “no no! it’s okay! you live down the street i don’t want to make you walk thirty minutes in the rain with me and thirty back-”

“it’s okay!” you laughed. “i would never leave you here by yourself yu, you know that.”

oh how he loved when you called him that.

his shoulders slowly relaxed, a wobbly cute smile spreading across his face, his cheeks a fuzzy pink. “okay.”

you walked together in a comfortable silence, your little umbrella just barely covering the both of you and yuta’s cheeks were still an intense pinky shade due to the close proximity, his steamy breath basically fanning the side of your ear as he huddled close to you.

after a few minutes spent walking on the sidewalk, yuta spoke up again.

“why are your eyes red?”

you immediately froze, but relaxed quickly.

“just tired s’all,” you responded weakly, but the little wobbling of your bottom lip told him otherwise.

yuta slowly lifted his hand and reached out, placing it softly on top of yours and clenching over the stem of the umbrella. the action caused you both to stop walking, your curious eyes snapping to his.

his palm felt like it was on absolute fire at the feeling of your soft hand under his, yuta’s breath trembling as he breathed out.

he swallowed. “can you please tell me why.”

your eyes flooded with tears then, and you shut them tightly as you dropped your forehead solemnly to rest against his shoulder, your frame shaking with quiet sobs escaping your lips.

yuta’s eyes softened and he quickly took the umbrella from you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a tight hug. his heart thumped so hard against his chest that he could hear it ringing through his ears.

he patted the back of your head gently. “what happened? what’s going on?”

you shook your head against his chest.

“y/n..” he sighed worriedly, running a soothing hand over your shaking back now.

“i have a crush on your brother,” you sobbed.

he knew. god he knew. but hearing you say it out loud broke his heart ten times more than it did when he found out on his own.

yuta slightly pulled back, bending his knees a little to look at you at eye level, his hand on your shoulder.

“i know.”

your eyebrows furrowed, more silent tears spilling from your eyes. “you know?”

yuta nodded, smiling sadly at you as he wiped your tears with his thumb, your eyes closing as he did so. “i spend almost every second of my life with you, of course i know. i noticed.”

you sniffed.

“weren’t you just with him now?” he asked.

your eyes shut tightly again, eyebrows contorted in pain as you nodded. “i confessed to him. i wanted to tell him before we graduated next month.”

you lifted your hands and covered your face, sobbing into them. “i’ve loved him since middle school.”

loved?

yuta’s shoulders slumped as he stared straight ahead, feeling like he wanted to crawl into a deep dark hole and stay there.

“he-“ you hiccuped. “he rejected me.”

his head snapped down immediately, eyebrows furrowing in a mix of disbelief and anger. “huh? he rejected you?”

you nodded, dropping your hands from your eyes and burying your head in his chest.

“why? what did he say?”

“he said he didn’t feel the same way—” you stopped for a moment to even out your breaths. “and that he was sorry.”

yuta scoffed, shaking his head. “what a big fucking loser.”

you snorted at that, and he looked down at you fondly, relieved you laughed.

“he… he thanked me for everything that i’ve done for your family though, especially you.”

he stayed silent.

“he said he was thankful that i was like another sibling for you, and that i took care of you.”

another sibling?

yuta didn’t say anything, that phrase like a slash through his heart while he still thought about how much of a fucking idiot he was to reject you. you, out of anyone deserved to get everything you wanted. you were selfless, incredibly sweet, the most gorgeous human being to ever walk this earth, and you had done so much for everyone that you neglected your own needs all of the time.

how could he not love you back? how could his brother not see the angel in his life that loved him, that sentiment alone an absolute privilege to have? something he would kill for?

yuta knew he shouldn’t make this about himself. he knew you were absolutely hurting and heartbroken, but he just had to know. it was eating him alive inside and out and over and over again as he kept thinking about it.

“is that how you see me?”

“hu-huh?” you hiccuped, picking your head up from his chest to look at him.

“as another sibling. is that how you see me?”

you blinked up at him, your eyes trailing over his furrowed eyebrows and worried gaze, and you hesitated for a moment, not knowing exactly why.

but you nodded, slowly. “you’re my best friend, yu. you’re not just anyone to me i care a lot about you. more than most people in my life.”

for a moment, yuta looked at you blankly, his mind unable to properly register your words. he didn’t know whether he wanted to cry, call up his brother and yell at him, kiss you, or run away.

a part of him knew that too, that you only saw him as a sibling. but like everything else in his life, he buried it down and chose to pretend like it didn’t exist for the sake of his heart.

but regardless of you not returning his feelings, he would rather be something to you than nothing at all. he would rather make some type of difference in your life and have a special spot, than be an absolute nobody to you.

so he smiled. he smiled with soft sad eyes and nodded, pulling you back in and resting his cheek against the top of your head. “you’re my best friend too.”

yuta didn’t see you around much at his house after that, which he understood.

but you still texted yuta everyday and hung out with him sometimes at school, and you still went to his games and practices and made him ham sandwiches after, and you still gave him that sweet smile he loved so so much.

but he never missed how sad you got around his brother, even at the mere mention of him. he never missed how your eyes stayed glued to the ground or had a far off look to them, your arms wrapped around yourself with a safe distance between you both.

when you graduated high school, yuta was a brat the entire ceremony. he was pissed. so pissed that you were two years older than him and that he wasn’t going to see your pretty self around school anymore, which was pretty much the only reason he tolerated it in the first place.

but when your graduating class threw their caps up into the air and his family went down to congratulate his brother, yuta made a beeline for you instead.

and behind that scowl on his face that he had the entire day, his eyes were glossy.

yuta never cried.

when you noticed, your shoulders instantly dropped and you ran to his open arms, practically throwing yourself on him. “yuuu! don’t cry for me!”

“who said i’m crying?” yuta grumbled into your shoulder.

you pulled back and smiled at him, “i’m gonna miss you the most.”

yuta smiled, but then faltered, and a sliver of fear shot up his spine. was this the last time he was going to see you? was this the start of you both slowly distancing, and then ultimately falling apart? were you still going to call him and text him everyday?

as if you could sense his fear, you quickly shook your head. “you’re literally stuck with me for life. you will never find another best friend to replace me, you got it?”

you waved your little index finger at him sternly, and yuta laughed. “i got it.”

yuta was nineteen when he almost kissed you.

after you graduated high school, luckily you went to a college that was only about a thirty minute drive from his place. you were still in yuta’s life, if not way more than it was before, which he thanked his lucky stars for. you went from being a best friend of his brothers, to being only his best friend, as you and his brother didn’t really talk anymore after high school.

and to that, yuta was happy.

and when he graduated high school, you of course were there, crying and pinching his cheeks and hugging him so tight his back cracked a little bit.

he didn’t go to the same college you did (although he definitely tried but didn’t get in) and went to one that was about forty five minutes away from home, one he commuted to everyday like you did for yours.

you both got so much closer that you obliviously acted like a couple, when you weren’t. yuta would pick you up from class and drive you to lunch, pay for all of your meals and anything you practically wanted despite you fighting him every time on it. he would kiss your forehead and your cheek and throw his arm around your shoulder when you walked, he would call you baby and compliment you every single day, and he would sleep over at your house almost all of the time, your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around your torso.

he knew best friends weren’t really supposed to act like this, but did you? you both had grown so accustomed to it that it wasn’t a weird thing for you both, but the constant questions from your mutual friends or even each others parents was a dead giveaway that it in fact, was not how best friends were supposed to act.

but neither of you seemed to care.

“stop moving yu!” you whispered harshly as you applied an aloe vera mud mask to his face. yuta snickered, dodging your fingers every time they came close to applying the mask, with the only reason he was doing it being because it made you laugh.

you were both sat on your fluffy pink rug in the middle of your room in your pajamas, surrounded by all of your skincare essentials and even the fancy products you only pulled out on special occasions. it was one in the morning at this point and you both were still up, trying to keep your laughter to a minimum in attempts at not waking up your parents downstairs.

“baby this stuff smells kind of funky,” he commented as you applied some to his cheek.

“the funkier the better,” you responded, focused. “kind of smells like you.”

he pinched your side and you giggled, flinching away. “i’m kidding! i’m almost done, don’t move.”

yuta listened and stayed still, watching your concentrated pretty face that was practically inches away from his as you applied the mask to the rest of his face, his poor heart almost giving out.

once you were done, you smiled triumphantly and wiped your fingers with a warm damp towel. “all done!”

yuta smiled fondly at you and kissed your cheek. “thanks. is this what you put on every night?”

you shook your head, “not every night, only when i want my skin to look extra good for special occasions.”

“which is..?”

“it’s usually when you invite me over to your family events or when we eat dinner at that one really nice place by your school.”

yuta stopped at that and he felt his heart clench at your words. he didn’t know why and he usually didn’t let it, but his mind was making him believe that maybe…

no.

he relaxed again, humming in acknowledgement. you picked up a circular pink little tub compartment thing and unscrewed the cap, dipping your ring finger in the shimmery product.

“what’s that?” he asked softly, nodding his head to it.

“it’s my lip scrub!” you responded enthusiastically, lifting your ring finger and scooting closer to him. his eyes looked straight at you as you slid your finger over his lips. “it has kind of like a rough texture, it’s supposed to exfoliate your lips and make them really soft.”

his cheeks slowly turned pink, his eyes trailing down to your lips as you sat back, finished.

“here— put some on me now so you can feel what i’m talking about,” you handed him the little tub and he dipped his index finger in, swallowing the lump in his throat.

he timidly lifted his hand and pressed his finger to your waiting perfect lips, softly and gently running the product on your bottom lip before going to the top, his eyes mesmerized and nearly drooling.

yuta was practically tracing you, wanting to burn forever the shape of your mouth into his brain to remember for the rest of his life, wanting nothing more than to press his lips on yours.

but he inhaled sharply and quickly dropped his hand. “i’m finished.”

you pressed your lips together and spread the product around, “did you feel it?”

he shakily nodded, wiping his finger on the warm damp towel before handing it over for you to do the same.

you held up a corner of the towel to his lips and gently wiped the scrub away, “and now they’re soft.”

you passed the towel back over to him, and you sat back, eagerly waiting for him to do the same.

yuta swallowed again and mimicked you, except he was much slower, much more gentle over your plush lips as he subconsciously leaned closer to you that by the time he was done, his nose almost bumped with yours.

with eyes half lidded, he stared at your lips in a daze, licking his bottom lip slightly as you looked at him with wide eyes. he wanted to, so badly, to just grab your face and press your lips together, to pour the love he’s had for you for the past four years out and cherish you with everything that he has.

“yu?” you spoke softly, your voice barely above a whisper, your breath fanning against his lips.

his eyes immediately snapped to yours and he flinched back like a deer in headlights. “so— so when do i take this off?” he pointed to his face. “the mud mask.. when does it come off?”

you looked at him curiously, your eyebrows slightly pinched together as you tried to make sense of what was happening, if anything even really happened.

“almost..” you responded, unfocused. “in about five minutes.”

yuta quickly nodded and pressed his lips into a thin line, his hands clenched so hard into tight fists that his knuckles turned white.

he couldn’t look you in the eye. what the fuck was he doing? he was going to scare you away if he kept doing things like this, if he kept almost slipping up and doing something that could jeopardize your friendship with him.

your trust.

you nudged his shoulder with your finger, and he finally looked at you.

“is the face mask bothering you that much?” you said with a silly smile, and yuta physically deflated, affection pumping through his system.

“no baby,” he shook his head. “i like it! i think i should keep it on for the rest of the night and go to class with it tomorrow morning.”

you snorted and shook your head, “don’t be mean.”

he raised his hands up frantically, “i’m not! you think everybody has the privilege of getting a free facial by their pretty best friend?” he held up his index finger and wiggled it side to side. “i don’t think so.”

you giggled, so much, and grabbed the warm damp towel again, scooting closer to him by your knees. you began wiping away the mask on his face, being careful of not going too rough in fear of accidentally irritating and hurting him. yuta held you by the hips, assisting in keeping your balance and rubbing little circles into your stomach with his thumbs.

your cheeks went a little pink after a bit.

as the rest of the night went on, and when you both finally settled into bed facing each other— his hand on the side of your hip, you softly traced the rather dark bags under his eyes and frowned.

“you need to get more sleep, yu. i think you’ve had these bags since you were fifteen.”

“it’s because i always grind so i can buy you a big white house with a wiener dog and a picket fence.”

you laughed a little too loud and slapped a hand over your mouth, leaning forward and resting your forehead against his as your shoulders shook. when you settled down, you removed your hand and smiled sweetly.

“only if the house comes with you.”

yuta’s breath hitched, and his eyes searched yours desperately, for any indication that maybe, just maybe, you…

no.

“what… you want me as a roommate?”

you playfully rolled your eyes and gently shoved his shoulder.

yuta was twenty years old when he confessed to you.

it was also the first big fight you guys ever had in your entire years of knowing each other.

your relationship stayed the same, two peas in a little pod through college that never seemed to go to one place without the other, so much so that when you did, people would often ask where the other half was. he loved it. he loved you so much, and he found it harder and harder and more heart breaking for him as the years went by watching you not be his in any way shape or form.

every time he visited your campus or went with you to your college parties, he noticed the lurking eyes it seemed like every guy had on you everywhere you went, and it agitated yuta more than anything else. he was still a stubborn brat, and instead of doing something about it and maybe telling you how he feels, he just endures the pain and scowls at their glances, leading you through crowds by the hand or by the small of your back.

he never really indulged in the traditional college experience like you did, and never ever talked to any other girl besides you. he never wanted to or had any interest in doing so, regardless of you returning his feelings or not. you also never really talked to any other guy besides yuta or made any mention of your dating life, people mostly assuming you both were.

yuta weaved through the crowd, trying to spot a place for the both of you to sit while you went to get drinks from the kitchen. upon finally breaking free from the pile of dancing sweaty bodies, he recognized one of your girl friends and a couple of others sitting on a long lounge sofa, her eyes perking up.

“y/n’s boyfriend! you came?”

he stopped a bit, then smiled wide.

“yeah! she’s in the kitchen now by the way, she’ll be over here in a second.”

and when you did come over, already a bit tipsy from the line of shots you got pulled into while getting drinks, you walked over to where yuta sat while greeting your friends, handing him a red solo cup. and instead of sitting in the spot yuta had saved for you right beside him, you settled neatly on his lap.

his eyes nearly bulged out of their eye sockets as you swung an arm around his shoulders for support and made yourself comfortable. you had never done something like this, and he swallowed the huge lump in his throat as trembling hands settled around your waist and over your lap. his arm tingled with the feeling of your thighs underneath, afraid to put his hands anywhere near them in fear of making you uncomfortable or accidentally grabbing your face and making out with you.

but the chance of that happening wasn’t anywhere near impossible, as he was already tipsy by his drink and his hand was already gently caressing over the skin of your soft plush thighs.

best friends don’t do things like this.

and he did not give a single fuck.

your boobs were practically shoved up in his face, his pinky cheeks absolutely blazing as his eyes darted to every corner of the house and anywhere else that wasn’t your tits, his lips itching to feel, to taste.

the night progressed and the both of you got increasingly more and more drunk, clinging on to each other on the couch or stumbling through the house, laughing when one of you would trip and almost face plant on the hardwood floors, leaning on to each other for support.

“your boyfriend almost knocked over the tub of tropical mix in the kitchen!” your girl friend yelled over the loud booming music, laughing.

yuta expected you to correct her, but you didn’t, and only laughed along with her.

“no it wasn’t him! it was me,” you giggled drunkenly, your arms around his neck as his were tight around your waist, your group standing off to the side of the dance floor. “he had to grab me and pull me from it!”

and that’s how it often was, just you and him. you taking care of him and him taking care of you in every way possible, trying to pay you back for all of the years you spent being there for him when he was younger and way more, simply because he wanted to.

and on a night where yuta was studying for finals in his room, his brother that was visiting from college came in and sat down on the edge of his bed.

“you studying?” he asked.

yuta nodded, not bothering to take his eyes away from his notebook, still scribbling down his notes. he never really had the best relationship with his brother, much less after what had happened with you getting rejected by him.

his brother took a deep breath through his nose and nodded. “i um… are you still friends with y/n?”

that caught his attention, and yuta’s eyes lifted from his notes to look at him. “yes? i’m with her like, most of the time. if you haven’t noticed.”

“no i have,” his brother murmured. “how is she?”

yuta took a second to respond. “she’s good.”

“that’s good that’s good. does she um- does she still have the same number?”

yuta put down his pencil and leaned back against his desk chair. “why?”

“i wanted to just catch up with her is all,” he shrugged. “i saw her when you brought her here for mom’s birthday and i hadn’t seen her since graduation.”

“catch up with her?” yuta mumbled. “since when do you give a shit about y/n?”

his brother scoffed. “i always have, yuta.”

“didn’t seem like it when you rejected her and started dating one of her close friends like the next day.”

his brother didn’t say anything, and yuta rolled his eyes at the lack of response, picking his pencil back up to continue his work.

“i still have her on social media and see what she’s up to… she posts you a lot. are you guys like— a thing?”

yuta bit the inside of his cheek. “no.”

his brother visibly relaxed for whatever reason and nodded. “i just want to talk to her again, is all. maybe buy her dinner—”

yuta pushed his textbook away, dropped his pencil again and spun around, looking at him with narrowed eyes. “fuck no.”

his brother scoffed. “i’m not asking for permission—”

“fuck no.”

“yuta i’m your brother i literally took you to school everyday and took care of you—”

“y/n did that.” yuta cut him off. “y/n gave me rides to school when i didn’t have my license and bought me food when i didn’t have a job. she also came to every single one of my games regardless of the weather and helped me with my homework when i was too stupid to figure it out on my own, everything you should’ve done.”

“that’s not true—”

“yes it is.” yuta crossed his arms in annoyance. “she didn’t have to do any of that. she never had to take care of me the way that she did but she did it anyways. she took on your role because you were too busy being a dingus doing god knows what and she knew that. y/n has done more for me than you’ve ever done in your entire twenty two years of living.”

his brother sat there in silence, yuta’s heavy angry breathing being the only thing heard in the room.

“okay well—” his brother stood from his bed and walked over to the door. “i’m just going to text her—”

“why the fuck are you gonna meddle into her life now? what… are you bored? are you not satisfied with whatever fucking girl you find up there at school?” yuta threw his arms up in irritation, his blood beginning to boil. “you treated her like shit. like absolute dog shit when you ignored her and avoided her for months after she confessed to you. do you understand how disrespectful that is?”

“whatever man it was high school—”

“and what, that gives you a pass to treat her like that? when that happened i was sixteen picking up the pieces you shit all over at your grown age—”

“i’m leaving.”

and with that, his brother walked out and slammed the door shut, and yuta was left absolutely red. red with anger he had never felt before in his life as he grabbed his notebook and chucked it across the room. he hated how casual he spoke of you, like you were just another girl he was going to try and get to know and fuck— to then leave without another word like his brother’s been doing his whole fucking life to girls. but not to you, it couldn’t happen to you.

and it was like yuta was going through the five stages of grief because then he was afraid. what if you let his brother back into your life? what if you fell for him again? you’d done it before the chances were not zero of you doing it again.

yuta didn’t want to lose you. he would rather gauge his eyes out and eat them for breakfast.

with that, yuta stumbled through his room putting on his shoes and snatching his car keys from his night stand, running down the hall and slamming the front door shut before getting in his car.

the drive was only about fifteen minutes to your house, and he felt so bad that it was nearly two in the morning and he was most likely going to wake you up, but he couldn’t stand it. he was going absolutely crazy, everything in him gnawing and eating him alive, his brother having pushed every single button in his body and more.

his tires screeched as he pulled into your driveway, thankful that your parents were away on a getaway trip as he slammed his car door shut and made his way up to your front door. yuta rang your doorbell twice before you finally opened it.

slowly, you peeked your tired eye through the slit, and your body immediately relaxed at the sight of him. “oh my god yuta, you scared the absolute shit out of—”

you stopped, your face falling at his livid expression and the way his chest heaved erratically. “yu? are you okay? what’s going on—”

but yuta only pushed passed you and trudged up your stairs without another word. dumbstruck, you closed your front door with a click and locked it, following him up the stairs and into your room.

“what’s wrong?”

“my brother is visiting from college.” he mumbled, sitting stiff on your desk chair. you moved to stand in front of him.

“…you mentioned that yeah—”

“and he… he told me that he wants to reach out to you.”

your eyebrows furrowed, taken aback. “me? for what?”

“he says he wants to catch up with you, see how you’re doing. be friends again i guess.”

yuta’s eyes remained stuck to the floor like glue, and you remained silent as you processed his words, confused out of your mind.

“i mean… i mean i guess? i guess that’s fine—”

his head snapped up, “that’s fine?”

you shrugged, “yes? i don’t see the big deal i don’t—”

“baby—” he shook his head in disbelief. “he absolutely broke you and treated you like nothing in high school, and you’re fine letting him back into your life? great.”

you narrowed your eyes at him. “why are you being like that? he just wants to be friends again and that’s fine with me—”

yuta scoffed. “he doesn’t deserve it! he doesn’t deserve you—”

“yuta, whatever happened between your brother and i was years ago! i’m over it! this isn’t a big fucking deal!”

you hated fighting with him, god how much you hated it, and the way that he looked at you now was making you absolutely sick.

“so you’re just gonna be friends with him again?” he shrugged, looking at you with narrowed eyes.

“yeah?”

“you’re fucking stupid,” he spat, getting up from your desk chair and walking over to the door, reaching for your doorknob.

you instantly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to face you. “what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“what’s wrong with me?!” he raised his voice, jabbing a finger to his chest. “what’s wrong with you! do you not remember how bad you got when he did what he did?! do you really think i would stand here okay with you rekindling your little love for my brother?”

you scoffed, “my little love?!”

and before you knew it, angry tears were streaming down your face. you hated the way he was talking to you, and you didn’t know how your argument escalated so quickly and so drastically as you wiped your cheeks furiously.

and at the sight of you crying, yuta faltered slightly, his eyes softening.

“why do you think i still love him? i don’t! i haven’t since he rejected me!—”

“who says you won’t start again?” he spoke lowly, arms crossed over his chest. “my brother never had to lift a fucking finger for you to be head over heels for him. you don’t give a shit about yourself and you’re willing to throw yourself at him again—”

“shut up.” you spat, sobs raking through your body. “the fact that you’re stuffing a bunch of fucking words into my mouth and assuming i’m going to jump into your brothers arms is bullshit.”

“i—”

“is this how low you think of me?”

“no baby i don’t—”

“yes you clearly do because everything that’s come out of your mouth—”

“no! no i’m sorry i don’t—”

“then why—”

yuta shoved his hands into his hair exasperated, “because i love you!”

he let his arms fall limp, his eyes glossy and red with the most gut wrenching look on his face that read pure exhaustion. you had never seen him so torn.

“i love you and i love you and i have since since i was fifteen,” his voice shook with each word, hands trembling at his sides. “more than a best friend, more than anything in this world, and i never saw you like another sibling like you did for me.”

“fi.. fifteen?” you spoke so softly he almost didn’t hear you.

he nodded sadly, silent tears slipping down his cheeks and you automatically reached up, softly wiping them away with your thumbs as he closed his eyes, much like how yuta did when you got your heart broken by his brother on that rainy day.

yuta never cried.

“i swallowed it. you loved my brother and i swallowed it. i didn’t give a shit if you only saw me as a sibling because i would rather make some type of mark in your life and be in it than not have you at all. but i can’t take it anymore.”

he let out a sob, and he instantly shoved his face in the crook of his arm in embarrassment.

“yu…”

“you mean absolutely everything to me baby,” his voice was muffled a bit by his elbow, and after roughly wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his sweater, he dropped his arm to look at you again. “i would do absolutely a-anything for you. you’re precious to me and the prettiest girl i have ever laid my eyes on and will ever lay my eyes on.”

he hiccuped and crossed his arms over his chest, staring up at your ceiling. “but i know you don’t love me like i love you. i’ve known for years and i just can’t bring myself to let you go. it’s so bad that i would rather you break my heart over and over again than let you go for the sake of my wellbeing and watch you walk out of my life—”

“yuta, can you please look at me?”

“i— i can’t,” he shook his head as his voice trembled, tears slipping from the sides of his eyes as he continued to stare at your ceiling. “i can’t do it—”

you slowly reached out and cupped his wet cheeks in the palm of your hands, tilting his face down gently to look at you, your eyes filled with remorse at the defeated look on his face.

“why didn’t you tell me?” you asked softly. “why didn’t you tell you were hurting so much?”

he shook his head slowly in your hands. “it’s not fair to you. i didn’t want to put you in a difficult position—”

“what difficult position, yu?” you spoke so gently, so sweetly to him that he almost fell to his knees. “how could you have kept this in for five years? i can’t even imagine—” you hiccuped, “i hate that you were hurting because of me-“

your voice began to contort again into sobs, and he quickly shook his head. “no baby no, it was not because of you, you did nothing wrong. you did the exact opposite.”

you wiped more of his tears with your fingers as he spoke, listening intently.

“no one gave a shit about me the way you did. not even my own parents, and not even my stupid brother that pretended like i practically didn’t exist. you were the only one that was there and you didn’t have to be. you could’ve easily ditched me at any given point and you never did, and i can’t thank you enough for giving me a reason to keep going.”

he wiped his eyes. “and that’s why i fell in love with you so hard because you were so selfless and sweet and i love your smile. i don’t think i could ever make up for everything you’ve done—”

“but you have!—” you interjected, but yuta only shook his head.

“no i haven’t. i’m a stubborn asshole who just said a bunch of shit five minutes ago that i didn’t mean and i only hurt you and i never wanted that—”

“yuta.” you spoke firmly. “you’ve literally done more for me than anyone else in my entire life and i hate that you can’t see that or give yourself credit. you were there for me when i went absolutely insane after your brother rejected me even though you loved me then. you put your own feelings aside to take care of me baby..”

you softly took his hands and led him to sit with you on the bed, wiping his wet cheeks with your sleeve.

“do you not remember when even though you didn’t have a job, any chance you got money you would spend it on me instead of yourself?” you laughed softly. “the minute you got your license you drove me anywhere i wanted… and even to little things like the store because you said you didn’t want me to spend gas money.”

yuta slightly smiled.

“you never ditched me either, when there was every opportunity you could’ve. you always make sure i eat and get enough sleep… and you make me so happy yu, i wish you could see how much i miss you when you’re not around.”

he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and leaned in, softly planting a kiss to your cheek. you smiled warmly.

“who told you i didn’t love you back?”

yuta froze. “you did?”

“when?”

“the day my brother rejected you?” he cocked his head to the side. “i had asked you if you saw me as another sibling and you said yes.”

you threw your head back and moaned, “oh my god yu, of course in that moment because i was stupid and into your brother and i had just gotten rejected!”

you deflated and smiled at him warmly then, your eyes shining with emotions he didn’t allow himself to believe were there. for five years, yuta forced himself to believe you could never return his feelings as a form of protection, and now there was a huge wall in his brain that was itching to come down.

you scooted closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, your foreheads touching. “ask me again.”

“hm?” he was dazed, wide eyes staring into yours.

“ask me that question again,” you spoke softly. “the one from that day.”

yuta swallowed thickly, his breathing shaky through his nose, reiterating the phrase he played through his head like a broken record since it happened.

“as another sibling…” he murmured. “is that how you see me?”

you shook your head gently against his forehead, “no… to me—” you leaned back slightly and tilted your head to the side. “you look like the man i’ve been in love with for the past three years.”

silence. nothing.

and then, his eyes welled with tears as he tackled you down and just cried. he cried and he cried into your neck and shook like a little leaf, you holding him so unbelievably tight as your bottom lip wobbled. yuta’s arms were snaked around you as he held you with just as much force if not more.

half a decade. half a decade yuta spent hopelessly lovesick for you that your words burned over his entire body like a fever, his mind reeling and hazy. he held on to you so fucking tight and refused to let go of you, in fear that this was all just some horrendous sick dream and he was going to wake up alone in his bed without you.

you placed a hand on the back of his head as you hugged him, “i love you so much yuta that sometimes i feel like im going nuts.” you laughed softly. “it was always you… it’s been you that’s why i said earlier that i didn’t care if your brother wanted to be friends again, because i love you and i don’t give a shit about him and i’m sorry i made you upset—”

“no,” he lifted his head from the crook of your neck and looked at you, his cheeks flushed with dried up tears and red eyes. “that was just me being an absolute dick and scared of re-living high school all over again. i took that out on you and that wasn’t fair at all, baby. i’m sorry.”

you carded your fingers through his hair. “we both have things to be sorry about, and a lot of years to make up for.”

and finally, yuta grinned so big that his cheeks hurt.

“can i—“ he exhaled shakily. “can i kiss you?”

“please.”

and he smashed his lips against yours, greedily kissing you with so much desperation as he lip locked with you, his hands squeezing and roaming your body. the sound of your lips smacking was loud, and his kisses were so needy and sloppy against your soft plush lips that you squeaked at the intensity. you felt him grin again at your noise and he pulled away from you.

“i’ve wanted this for so long…” he breathed out, his breath fanning against your face as you tried to recover from what was probably the best kiss of your life. you nodded frantically, too dazed and caught up in the thought of his mouth on yours to respond with sentences that made sense.

he chuckled cutely at this, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i love you and i love you.”

and since then, it was like the final wall had finally crumbled down, and yuta began to live like he was supposed to, like he was meant to, with you. his days of yearning and silent torment were over, and most of the time it still felt like a dream whenever he was by your side.

things stayed relatively the same between you two, as you now acknowledge how much of a couple you both actually were acting prior to yuta’s confession. the only major difference now though, was that yuta earned the privilege to call you his and give you sweet kisses as he picked you up from class, or when you make and hand him those ham sandwiches you always do just for him, only this time adorned with a honeyed kiss of your own.

sitting on his living room couch now, your head resting on his lap as a random horror movie played in the background, yuta’s fingers gently brushed over the features of your face as you stared at the tv, his eyes stuck to you like sticky lovesick glue.

you turned your head to look at him after a bit. “why don’t you start playing soccer again?” you hummed. “is there a team at your school?”

yuta nodded, “there is baby.”

“why don’t you try out?” you smiled sweetly at him, and his heart ached. “i always loved watching you play. i miss it.”

“okay,” he tapped your nose. “just for you.”

you rolled your eyes playfully. “and i’ll start dragging your brother with me again.”

yuta’s eyes flung open as his jaw dropped, and you snorted, giggling uncontrollably as he tickled and pinched at your sides. “i’m just kidding! i’m kidding! i’d rather die.”

he let out a boyish laugh, his eyes sparkling as he looked down at you. “as much as i hate him, i can’t thank him enough for being a stupid dingus.”

you quirked an eyebrow, “thank him? why?”

yuta gently and softly pinched one of your cheeks as he smiled at you, and it was then that you noticed the bags under his eyes were nearly gone. he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips, moving some of your hair away from your face after he did so.

“because he brought you to me.”

and you smiled, that same radiant sweet smile that made him fall in love with you in the first place, as you reached up and ran a tender finger under where his eye bags once stood, your voice light and airy as you spoke—

“i love you and i love you, yuta.”