#I ... just don't have a lot of feelings atm
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Something I really like about timebomb is that Ekko actually knows what he's getting into.
I'm not really seeing it get talked about but in season 1 they mention that Ekko and the firelights help people addicted to shimmer get off it and lead more fulfilling lives within the community. I should probably rewatch the scene for the exact wording (might be misremembering tbh) but that comment implies A LOT.
First: Ekko's mission is helping people where he can, he would probably try and help Jinx even if he wasn't in love with her
Second: He has experience dealing with severe mental illness as that often goes hand in hand with drug abuse, namely depression/suicidal ideation like what Jinx was exhibiting
Third: He's probably mapped out best course of action FOR dealing with this and has already figured out his own limits/boundaries. Meaning he knew what he was getting into trying to talk Jinx out of suicide, and was thus more equipped to deal with the aftermath
Fourth: He's probably helped ex members of Silco's gang. The firelights seem to have a theme of healing and repairing and recovering, so they've probably also learned to forgive. If they're mission is to rebuild the lanes into a safe space, they can't exclude people they don't like, they have to make room for them. I think they fought Silco out of necessity, and I doubt Jinx would be the first person they help who's killed one of them.
These all might be a bit of a stretch but I think it really fits. Beyond that, it shows that Ekko can ACTUALLY help Jinx. As much as unconditional love can do, Ekko has the tools for Jinx's recovery and a path ready for her. He also probably knows that her "healthy" will look different from AU Powder's "healthy." On top of that, I expect he knows how to respect her even in the middle of psychotic breaks and won't agitate her already frail mental state
#if you would like to (respectfully) disagree with me I'll GLADLY talk with you. I can think of nothing but Arcane atm#timebomb#ekko arcane#putting it in the tags bc I want to let people agree with my timebomb takes without having to listen to my other ship opinions#uh on that note I have some Caitlyn and Vi opinions that go a bit hand in hand with this#but I think that in contrast Caitlyn and Vi are mutually self destructive#see neither of them seem to make the others mental health... better.#Vi is desperate and needs love wherever she can get it#and Caitlyn... I'm not sure. I have a hard time reading her but a lot of the vibes I get off her feel like she just likes having the power#over vi#I KNOW THAT'S A STRONG CLAIM#hear me out#Vi in her search for unconditional love does a lot of enabling#a good example is when Caitlyn arrests that henchman in episode 3(?)#Vi is VISIBLY uncomfortable with that and for good reason!#Caitlyn just locked someone up for life for... nothing?#kinda like Marcus did to her (yes Marcus was trying to protect her but I doubt that's how Vi sees it)#but Vi doesn't voice this or push Caitlyn on it#instead she asks Caitlyn not to change#not great communication on Vi's part#but also indicative of how little their values align#and how little Caitlyn actually considers Vi and her problems and history#Caitlyn doesn't help Vi heal and she turns on Vi the second Vi stops enabling her and letting Caitlyn do as she thinks is best#neither of them are ready to deal with the others problems or communicate well#again. willing to discuss this. my opinions are swayable.#I just personally found Caitlyn made the most sense and was most compelling when she was going down facist dictator path#sure she could be more but I don't think the show ever really transitioned her away from that#you can see it in the way she treats Maddy#hhhhhh I should go to bed rather than spill every last thought I've ever had
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So with my Mom’s cancer being back, my own health stuff, and everything else going on, I’m not sure I’ll be able to be the most active in this round of bookclub (and I do have a lot of words muted and stuff hidden because of mental health and streamlining things and Tumblr's an ass about showing posts sometimes—so if I miss a post, please don’t take it personally!). ): It honestly makes me super upset
But I really hope that everyone has a good time and I can’t wait to see what people cook up! <3 Last time was SO MUCH FUN it makes me a little nervous about living up to those expectations aksjdkajsn But as long as someone has a good time, that's what counts :3
#TrigunBookclub#Tbh I have a lot of ships in general muted/hidden so that I stopped accidentally reblogging things to the trigunart blog lol#Which luckily romance and shipping rarely take root in my brain so *I'm* fine with that#(Don't look at the one obvious elephant in the room)#But it does mean I'll miss stuff#PLEASE let me know if someone's being a dick and I miss it#Absolute zero-tolerance policy for harassing or being cruel to anyone in this house#And also tbh I'm overwhelmed but I'm doing better than I have in previous overwhelmed times#I've been doing a lot of mental word and cut out a lot of toxicity in my life#Even if I'm really raw atm#So I'm okay#As okay as I can be anyway#ANYWAY I just feel so guilty about this#And I don't want anyone to feel bad
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Big Huge Irritated Rant About The Latest COTL Update's Story Choices and the Implications
So the lore drop in the new Cult of the Lamb update, Unholy Alliance, pisses me off. The writer's confirmation of what that lore drop means pisses me off more.
Why? Because it's unnecessary recontextualization that was made pretty obviously in favor in one character in particular, and somehow in that process makes that very same character way less interesting. I think it's incredibly detrimental to the story and I will Explain Why in a second.
But before I do, I just want to put this out there: Prior to this update, my opinions on the Bishops and Narinder and that entire plotline were pretty neutral. I'm an NPC enjoyer, I spend my time thinking about that moth with two lines of dialogue. I did not previously have strong opinions on Narinder or Shamura outside of mild dislike for fandom treatment. So I'm not coming from a place of bias here (or at the very least I'm not trying to be). I genuinely, wholeheartedly, 100% believe this writing decision was unnecessary and the Wrong one to make, and I think it severely undercuts the original plotline because this was a retcon and one that sucks pretty bad.
Ok we're on the same page here? Ok awesome. Long rant ahead, and obvs spoilers for the Unholy Alliance update
So first, what the hell am I talking about? What part of the update do I not like? Let's clarify that first.
It's Shamura's dialogue. Like, all of it. For ease of understanding, here is all the dialogue I will be talking about:
"Ah... we gathered here, the four of us, a council of war and I the general. I have not forgot. I did not tell them that chains to bind a God must be forged of Godly matters. What matter of Gods? What matters of Gods? I have not forgot. The betrayal of kin, the breaking of spirits, blood spilled, his and ours. ...the sacrifice of what we had sacrificed so much for... ...shaped into shackles for our own brother. And our wounds always to weep. Such sharp claws..."
--
"He sought to break nature's own laws. Death was his, yet he placed his sacred duty in peril. His experiments... Experiments I encouraged. I am not... blameless. My soul, stained... yet I do not... Ah, The story. Yes the story... He wanted to open the doors between Life and Death, to... to allow their return. Those mere... mortals. Even though he knew their sacrifices, their faith, their fears sustain us. Death must be the end. Otherwise, what use would they have for Gods? They began to flock to him. What he promised, we could not match. He swelled with devotion... while we waned. Would he have let us perish? I could not take... the risk... the hunger... You are lucky there are none left to force such a choice on you. Hail, Lamb. Last God... lonely God... Ah... I feel... unburdened..."
And for fun, before anyone tells me I'm misinterpreting any of this or that it's left up to interpretation or is intentionally vague, Word of God (the writer of CoTL):
And it's this being Word of God that's spurred me into making this post to begin with. Because prior to this, I just seethed about this dialogue's implications in my server and hoped I was wrong. But now it's been confirmed what this means, and I'm . Disgruntled, to say the least!
And since I've started writing this post, there's been another addition made to further clarify parts of this. But I'm going to go over that addition more towards the end, because it also irritates me for separate reasons.
So, let's get this straight.
Prior to this update, the specifics of what happens between Narinder and the Bishops were pretty vague. We were told Narinder was "gluttonous in his ambition," per Shamura's previous dialogue, and that they "introduced him to ideas of change" but "Death cannot flow backward." Heket somewhat elaborates on this by saying he preached "heresy" and "noxious ideals" that would not be tolerated. Heket also notably refers to Narinder as a flat-out "monster." Narinder attacked his siblings and left them each with a big, symbolic wound. Then he was chained by the four of them, with Shamura the one to lead it (in their own words).
There's a lot of talk of betrayal, but before this update, it was unclear if the betrayal was meant to just be Narinder's experimenting with death (which even then was pretty heavily suggested to be resurrections) or the wounds inflicted upon his siblings. There's also a lot of talk of sacrifice, i.e. from Leshy if you kill Heket before him: "After everything we did. After everything we sacrificed. He will not be satiated."
Regardless, the picture this painted was of Narinder being this ambitious, evil, violent God that even his fellow Gods (Kallamar) feared and felt needed controlling. The idea that the wounds could have been in the nail in the coffin to this entire ordeal made sense; as they were obviously planned by Narinder to some extent (otherwise why be so intentional about who got what wound?) and a fair reaction to Being Mutilated would of course be to chain him.
Then of course there's the idea that the wounds were given while he was being chained and in self-defense, which only seems possible if you think Narinder could take on all four of his siblings at once like that and only manage to lose his claws in the ordeal (which was only revealed in this update to be something he's implied to have lost thru the relic). I thought this at first too, but realized it seems pretty impractical for that to have been the case if the wounds were also purposeful in who got what. I mean, sure, they could all be coincidentally symbolically appropriate for each Bishop, but I have doouuubts?
but now we're here, with this update, and all has been revealed.
And what's been revealed exactly?
Narinder's thing he was doing was indeed resurrections (we knew that)
Shamura encouraged him to do it (we also already knew this)
It seems like he did literally nothing else outside of that
His siblings got pissy about this because it made their domains purposeless and got all their followers to flock to him
"Would he let us perish? I could not take the risk" - Implies they literally did not even ask him
Shamura knew that in order to forge chains that could keep Narinder down, it would require a sacrifice of their bonds AND their flesh
They DID NOT tell the other Bishops this
Their wounds were requirements to chain him. They had to get the wounds they bear now in order to chain him. ONLY Shamura knew this. That means they allowed their siblings (and themself) to get attacked knowing full well what would happen. They may have even encouraged it, perhaps provoked Narinder into it, seeing as they knew the wounds were necessary to have him chained. (Or they just knew he would retaliate. Which, like. Yeah. They're condemning him after he went down a path they encouraged and, as far as we can tell, nothing else.)
And for... what?
In this version of the story, Narinder was experimenting with resurrections, and Shamura told him to keep doing that. Then he was successful, mortals turned to him, and his siblings (including Shamura, the one who told him to do it) got mad. That's it. That's their reasoning for chaining him. There's nothing else given. "Would they perish?" We have no idea. Is that how it works? Seems like Shamura doesn't know either. Or at the very least doesn't know if Narinder intended for that at all. Gives the vibe that literally no effort was made to talk to him and figure this out. They don't even really go down the "it puts nature out of balance!" path, which would at least have some merit, maybe. It's literally just "we are no longer sustained. What's the point of Gods in this world?" <- idk babe you had all the other ones slaughtered. So you tell me
And then Shamura just took it into their own hands, leading their siblings to their shared wounds (WITHOUT consulting them) and their inevitable destruction because of........... reasons, I guess. (I mean, if you think about it really hard, they probably also already knew what would happen following all this. With the lamb genocide and Narinder's resurfacing and etc. And they had their siblings wounded anyway. For no god damn reason)
And now why does this make me mad?
Because, honestly, in and of itself, there's not anything necessarily wrong with this added context. It's not contradicting anything in the main game. Shamura knowing what was needed makes sense, after all.
But it's... unnecessary. It screws up the motives and makes them more shallow, less nuanced, more... petty. Making gods petty is cool and all, I love doing that honestly, but in this case it just feels like a waste of potential.
But beyond all that. But most importantly.
This entire recontextualization of events REEKS of being made specifically to absolve Narinder.
I mean, come on. He's made out to be the victim, here. Shamura knew what he would do, knew what he would become, and knew exactly what would happen to their siblings if they sought to chain him (without doing so much as talking to him beforehand), and yet they encouraged it.
All blame is being shifted on Shamura. All Narinder did specifically against his siblings was inflict the wounds, which at this point seems to be hinted as self defense or a retaliation against threat or insult (assuming he was provoked into attacking, somehow). Because the wounds were part of the process.
And almost equally irritating, this seeks to arbitrarily absolve Leshy, Kallamar, and Heket as well, as they had no idea what the plan was and were just strung along. Which is just kinda worse, right? As far as they are aware, Narinder did just randomly attack them for no reason, and this wasn't foreseen, and surely couldn't have been stopped. All because Shamura didn't tell them any of it.
Shamura is being made into the big bad. Shamura is at fault for everything, for all of it. Narinder is a victim of Shamura encouraging him down a path they later condemn him for, their siblings are victims of Shamura and Narinder both (the latter of which could have been resolved at any point prior), and now any possible intrigue about Narinder being this big bad guy who tore apart his siblings due to his own ambition getting the best of him is ERASED.
It's GONE. All in favor of making him more sympathetic.
And sure, about a million different excuses could be made for Shamura, or could be used to headcanon whatever you want about exactly what happened. But with what we're given right now, just from the source, no attempt as made to stop Narinder before it got to this point. It is literally suggested they didn't even talk to him.
"Maybe they were too scared" - For the other three, maybe. Shamura is the eldest and clearly the most respected one, by Narinder as well (he holds some amount of respect for them even STILL. After EVERYTHING). They at any point could have stopped this.
"Narinder could still have been a bad guy outside of the attacks" - Sure, but we're given little to nothing on that front. In the old dialogue, literally all that's mentioned is the resurrection stuff and the wounds. Shamura is the one who said his ambition made a glutton of him, by the way. And hell, this isn't even touching the very real possibility that all of the Bishops (Narinder included!) are unreliable as hell.
"But Kallamar feared him even before his chaining, that suggests he was still a bad guy beforehand" - Sure, it could! But that's about all we get! And hell, in this new update, Kallamar's fears are fucked with, too. He states:
"Once, long ago, Followers would worship at my altar just to glimpse the beauty of my temple… of course, it could not last forever. Perhaps my siblings did not understand this, but I have always known. It did not make me less afraid. Cowardly Kallamar, ha…"
Here, it seems Kallamar's fears have been changed to be more about the decline of his temple and the loss of his followers, which was happening because of Narinder. He refers to Narinder's plans as "foolish" as opposed to... idk, horrifying, or threatening, or whatever. He also fully takes on the 'cowardly' title, giving the impression that his fears were somehow unfounded, which wouldn't make a lick of sense if Narinder indeed sucked ass outside of the wounds.
Not to mention he "didn't want to hear it" when Shamura "revealed the plan," but we know because of Shamura that they didn't mention anything about the wounds, so Kallamar didn't want to hear that they... had to chain Narinder? That's literally all he could've been told about the plan. Why wouldn't he want to chain Narinder if he was scared of him up until that point?? Doesn't make any sense!!! EDIT AFTER I POSTED: On reconsideration this might just be referring the lamb genocide plan, but that's hardly better, because now this update absolves Narinder, Leshy, AND Kallamar by making them blameless in everything (both Leshy and Kallamar expressed not fully understanding the plan for the slaughter or, in this case, not wanting part in it). What's up with THAT. Why is Shamura getting the blame for LITERALLY EVERYTHING.
Anyway, my point is
This was a story decision made to make Narinder sympathetic. It's so blatant. And it's so, so irritating. It gets rid of so many potential cool flaws of Narinder and replaces it with "Actually, Shamura was the bad guy the whole time! Huzzah!"
And honestly, had the entire game come out like this to begin with, released at the start how it is right now, I don't think I'd care this much. But being added now, as an afterthought, after the fandom and devs alike have grown to favor Narinder above all others, it just...
It reeks of favoritism. It smells of revising the story to make Narinder more likeable. It's just erasure.
And for what. Like, I don't want to be That Guy, but I cannot help but notice that one of two nonbinary characters (outside of the Lamb/Goat themselves) is being this heavily demonized in favor of absolving a Man of his crimes. What's, uh. What's up with that.
Oh, and that addition by the writer I mentioned was made while I was writing this.
This was made after Jojo was questioned whether this was a retcon as to who caused the wounds, as this whole thing could also certainly be read as Shamura being the one to directly wound their siblings (which I didn't think was the case, but still).
"I don't know if they thought it would be so severe" - How do I put this in a nice way. This feels like a weaseling out answer. This feels like giving Shamura an out only after being questioned on this writing choice. How could they possibly not know how severe it would be. This spider is Knowledge. This spider has Foresight of some kind. And how do you not know what they thought. You are the Writer. If you want to clarify something like this you gotta say it with your full chest.
Not to mention a good portion of the fandom probably won't even see these tweets, so this context is all missing from the story presented in the game. This is Tacked On Context on top of already Tacked On Context. It's unnecessary retconning all the way down.
Anyway. I realize the fandom at large will not care about this, because (and I mean this in the nicest way I can manage) the Narinder favoritism in this fandom is already impenetrable, but for me personally? This retconning that was so clearly done out of that favoritism?
It ruined Narinder's character for me. More than the fandom possibly could have. I mean, if it's fanon, it can be ignored. But this was canonized. Because Narinder is the dev team's favorite guy.
And I can't stand it.
#VERY long ramble#<- i mean it. this post is chunky.#I have a lot of thoughts. And they are not positive. MM dev team when i get you.#Narinder enjoyers beware. I do not like your man and it's because of this update.#If anything I said in the post is unclear please feel free to ask and I will elaborate where I can! I tried to make my thoughts#as clear as possible. but i am also a fulltime college student with a keyboard that is currently retaliating against me.#My brain is a little scattered atm lmao. but if I hold onto this post much longer I might just anxiety myself out of posting it.#because nobody else seems to be having these same critiques. Save for my tiny little discord server where we are all very loud haters.#If you don't agree with me that's awesome 👍 please be normal about it tho if you are arguing i'm begging.#if this post gets any amount of traction I'm going to be wary about having my inbox open hkjsdhg#ok now the scary part.#cult of the lamb#cotl unholy alliance#cotl spoilers#unholy alliance spoilers#<- i don'tknow if that still needs tagging but jic. also I'm wary of tagging characters on here. so for now i won't.#cotl#ok that's it for now. Runs away. Fast
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people hating on tmasc ! nat again when will we be free ...
#sorry i resonate with a character and have a headcanon#guess im the problem for being tmasc and seeing him as tmasc too#it's not about how he looks in canon and i don't see why that matters#let trans people live#there's so much to it for me#that feels personal and i don't feel like getting into atm because it would be long#and just feels too personal to share rn#but jesus christ does this ever end#every day its a new tantrum over a harmless headcanon#okay you don't see nat as trans cool do you want a cookie#it's so easy to just not interact with#but instead people choose to be dicks to the trans people who see him as trans#and make trans people out to be weird and a problem#you will live i promise#yellowjackets discourse#yellowjackets#not agere#rant post#transgender#lot yips#nat scatorccio#tag rant
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sorry if this was already asked, but do you draw oc requests?
you're free to drop any requests [just not nsfw or illegal] in my inbox any time but no promises <3 i just look thru inbox requests and do them whenever i can
#wyllaztopia rambles#i have a lot of reqs atm but it's not like i feel obligated to do them#i take my time with most of them since i've been busy#no hard feelings#just don't be weird in my inbox but just know i'm more likely to ignore your request if ur being creepy#cuz some of you guys spam my inbox#it makes me tempted to turn off anon but... it's not a big deal yet
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lil extras for the free day
#witch hat tag#orufrey#orufreyweek2023#gotta put these silly things here now 🤦♂️ cause the remaining prompt to catch up is not a happy one so it should go somewhere else..#didnt end up doing anything that pushed my limits after all..but that's ok. since i've felt pretty depressed lately this week was my treat#i def feel like i get less likes & RTs overall on twt recently even tho my followers increase. are ppl sick of my stuff ?? :')#but i myself feel pretty ok about my art atm...so i guess it's fine. my fics have never gotten the hits/kudos i've ever hoped for#so i've accepted that this is how it is for me. i see LOTS of ppl stress about that kinda stuff and i don't wanna be like that..#i'll just keep on keeping on. creating has been pretty satisfying lately when im NOT depressed abt other stuff#and i do get fulfilling comments <3
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For anyone annoyed by the Tumblr changes, if you're on desktop I would recommend using XKit Rewritten (and New XKit for any other odd changes you'd like to try out, including even older aspects of Tumblr). It's the older version of Rewritten but most of the extensions on it are still supported/do work). I can't guarantee they'll definitely make a fix for it/a direct fix for this particular UI change, but it's possible that they might since they usually make extensions that allow you to essentially revert changes made to the UI. Other various UI extensions (such as old ones from Tumblr's past UIs that the extensions basically just revert you to) may also help fix up your UI.
As you might expect these extensions need to be on to work/revert the appearance of the UI (so if you turn them off you'll revert to the current state of Tumblr), but while they are on you can curate your UI to look how you want it. This goes for both New XKit and XKit Rewritten. I use both and I couldn't live without them lol. You can get some big oldies of Tumblr's, like classic search on Rewritten or the Tweaks extension (full of various UI tweaks) on New XKit (including the old shade of blue Tumblr used a long time ago that I never stopped using!).
Unfortunately I don't know of any solution for mobile if it affects mobile at any point (or if it already has), but whenever you're on desktop, I would definitely recommend both these versions of XKit. I have so many extensions from them that I often don't even realize when there are UI changes (remember how Tumblr added themes for your dashboard? I didn't even notice for the longest time because I've had New XKit on the whole time) because Tumblr's default coding is overwritten by the extensions I have on.
#DCB Comments#literally like when was the last time I was bothered/affected by a big UI change#idk bc I always have XKit on lol fhjaghjfg like half the time I don't even notice there was a change#atm I can't tell if I just haven't been hit by the change yet or if all the extensions I'm using are preventing it#bc I use a LOT of old interface extensions so in a sense I'm using an older version/look to Tumblr#I also heard a techbro runs Tumblr now so don't be surprised that this site is going to#end up looking like a Twitter clone. techbros want all social media to look exactly identical#while still claiming to want to one up each other and act like they have the bigger/better company#like nah bruh y'all're the same and y'all're shit#as much as I still hope Tumblr doesn't fall into that I feel like it will unless someone else runs Tumblr soon :'(#like buddy I don't use Twitter much at all anymore for a reason. well a lot of reasons#anyway get New XKit for lots of OLDER older Tumblr stuff and Rewritten for newer stuff/updated New XKit stuff#New XKit still works fine it's just that they made a newer/more improved version of New#if you've never used XKit make sure to use NEW and REWRITTEN tho#the original XKit is probably no longer functional and I don't even know if it's still on the app stores#last I knew of it most of its extensions were so outdated that they broke a long time ago#but you can use both of the newer ones together actively and it works amazingly
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name thoughts about religion and armand.
i'm not going to dive too deep into religious headcanons right now, but arun is absolutely the name that armand considers himself when he's in prayer or when practicing religion. now, i don't think he's super consistent, but this is because there's an endless struggle between armand and the idea of religion. he also used it in badly negotiated bdsm but 🤷
his crises of faith are not over by any means. and he's well aware that he's a vampire and a vampire that will kill innocent people without a second thought.
but as a child, armand was very devout. he wanted to dedicate his life to god. and that devoutness continues to come up in his life, essentially forever.
when daniel catches "rashid" praying, i don't portray it as an act. in modern day, i wouldn't be surprised by armand is reclaiming his religion and exploring who he is through it. armand is a name that served others, that served satan and while it's his name, it can't be a part of his religious journey. arun represents his islamic identity.
and i think there's a lot of accessing who he was in the past as a way to reclaim what he'd lost. and arun was always devout, never in service to any other god. and so it functions as two things. one, to reclaim the name, and two, to reclaim his religion.
#vampires will never hurt you ! // ooc#i have a lot of feelings about armand and religion#and the way it impacts every stage of his life#i just don't have the brainpower to dive too deep atm#BUT MAN#religion + armand is one of the things that makes him so fascinating to me#and always has#struck down before our prime // headcanons#religion tw
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If the past Ryouga could see himself today, he would've laughed out loud in disbelief - or maybe he'd have been furious. Even now he finds it hard to believe what he's doing- seeking out the person he called his enemy for so long, who he hated to the rotten depths of his heart... and for what? A heart-to-heart?
It's not like he was prepared for it at all - not with the way he is now, uncertain and wavering, raw and desperate for a way out in a way he's never experienced before. But right now, Ryouga is even more thrown than he expected. Because the person standing before Ryouga isn't IV... but III.
Ryouga has never known what to make of him. He'd always been so focused on his older brother that III himself had escaped his attention. He gives off the kind of aura of a harmless kid, easy to dismiss out of hand, and yet... that's nothing more than a carefully crafted deception. Or maybe it's not crafted at all? The idea that his gentle demeanor really is genuine, but that it doesn't make him any less dangerous... it's quite the scary thought, really.
How would III react if he found out what Ryouga really is? It's been a mere day or so since Ryouga found out himself, even if he'd been suspecting it for longer than that. But the Barians, after all, are the enemy of III's family, the one's who'd used them and caused him so much pain - a pain that Ryouga is bitterly familiar with in a way that now feels all too horribly ironic. He doesn't know what to do. What is he supposed to say? Why is Ryouga- no, Nasch, leader and Emperor of the Barians, frozen in place here like nothing more than a child?
"...I wasn't expecting you here." He recovers quickly, his usual scowl settling over his features once again - but on the inside, he feels sick. "I guess IV's hiding away, then? ...What a coward, as always."
@tophatz ( starter for iii! )
#ic#tophatz#c. ryouga.#v. mainverse.#I'M SORRY I GOT EXCITED AND HAD TO POST THIS NOW KSFJHKDDSGKJ#but!! i'm super excited for these two to interact; tysm for letting me throw ryouga at you!! ;ww;#don't feel any pressure to respond quickly or to match the length; i just have a lot of muse atm haha#also love how even in the middle of an existential crisis ryouga is as rude as ever. thanks ryouga. :'))
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whenever I have art block/am unhappy with everything I draw I draw him. he has a bad temper bc I channel all my art frustration into him and I never try to make something good when I draw him. and I love him for that.
pose reference from line of action
#I have so much I wanna draw atm but I feel like I forgot how to draw anything#I'm sick atm and usually that gives me a great excuse to draw a lot but it just wont turn out#maybe it's still the effects of switching programs but I feel like I used to have an easier time#really in the learning curve spot where I know enough to know what I don't know/am bad at but dont know enough to fix it#this too shall pass and alan here always helps#grant's gazelle#mine#digital#furry#sketch#color#oc#artists on tumblr#beginner artist
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🤞
#exams did go fairly well#hopefully nothing worse than a B but i think an A is certainly possible in at least one of them#so hopefully 🥹����#i did study quite a bit not as much as i hoped for but a step up from my lack of effort the last few weeks#so hopefully i can get back to better routines now#i mean i do know probably many didn't study at all for these exams as they were not that serious#buuut if you want a good grade i feel like you have to at least i studied for like 2-3 days altough i would have liked to study for a week#also my schedule is just insane i think but then maybe it's just me idk#my time management is not the best but i still wonder how others would do with so many classes and extra activities#i have like 20 classes this semester + 2 exams i intend to take extra#i'm not attending all of them that wouldn't be possible and i'm not sure i can take all the exams but i'm happy if I manage like 17 or so#but like a normal amount is 10 classes a semester in my country but in reality most students don't take this many either#well i'm basically enrolled in two programms atm so there's that ig#but often i'm just wondering when i'm gonna study#i also play tennis a lot and competiting for my club (at a rec level)#and i'm training for this entrance exam for sports (i'm currently studying teaching with other subjects + English)#altough this is making me question if i'm fit for this everyday 🫠 i'm fairly good at 2 things ball sports and just like general athleticism#we also need to dance do gymnastics and swim i struggle with all of them#i'm not fast enough at swimming and my technique is bad i can't even do a cartwheel and a bad dancer 😭#the requirements are really high though i mean when i think of people i know from tennis or football no one would even get there closely#like i was the fastest at my former football club (and at every uni football course) and i might just barely cut it for sprinting#and i'm really quite athletic when playing tennis my opponents always notice and coordinated in sports as well#but somehow coordination for gymnastics is not the same?😅 how can i be so graceful playing tennis and most sports with balls but so clumsy#otherwise like doing a handstand... no balance 🥲#but anyways i also do like general fitness stuff going to the gym running a bit and trying to eat healthy#but my studying hours are very limited often tmrw i have uni from half 2 until 8pm in the evening and i have a preparation course for sports#before uni starts at half 10#i just really get the urge to drop everything sometimes 🥲 i also wanna see friends again more not just at uni and in the bus#i miss my semesters with 10 courses a week it was beautiful so much freedom and free time 🥹#uni was so enjoyable back then... don't get me wrong i enjoy most of my uni courses what i not enjoy is not having any time to myself
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meant to leave work early bc first day back post being on sick leave for a week.. instead ended up staying an hour late AGAIN when I already have too many hours built up, bc there were a bunch of accounts that needed to be set up for folks starting work tomorrow
which.. obviously no one had done while I was absent, amazing. my filter list went from 34 tickets (which I've been keeping it steady at) to 60 in a week and most of the entries are way behind schedule already, jfc you'd think none of the people actually employed to do this shit are doing anything at all, so it all just lays dormant until I get around to it
it's gonna suck for folks when I'm gone for exam prep for a month and half in a few weeks... urgh
#I like doing it when I know what to do and how to do it. but seemingly doing it by myself fucking sucks#idk what the hell she's been doing at all lately but it's clearly not a lot of this smh#so I can't get around to doing any of my other tasks bc ppl at the hospital can't work if I don't do this first#tomorrow needs to be focused on project stuff tho so I have some semblance of a clue by the time my boss returns on Wednesday#fuck I'm tired tho#and bc why not part of my chin/lip is starting to get even worse sensations back. I hate it here#feels like it's burning atm and it's def warmer than the other side. I just wanna be back to normal please#a day in the life of..#(I did manage to set up the monitor/tv stand tho so things are starting to get more order again#so I would in theory now have space for a PS5 if I manage to get one in October. we'll see. until then it just looks neat#and it's higher up now so the remote should finally work better again since the signal won't be as blocked)
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#wait not rbing the post bc honestly i don't like stirring shit but. 'afag' is fucking awesome. afag kinda fucks#first impression anyway first feelings about it LMFAOO LIKE. a lot to be said about assigned gender at birth language#and how it only serves to uphold an oppressive status quo and also i always really don't like to hear#like. the sentiment that transmascs/men will 'fall back' on their agab to absolve themselves of anything#like... i esp have a hard time w it bc i have zero hint of woman in me. i got a funky presentation but an absolutely set in stone gender.#so like. those sentiments are esp bitter in my mouth bc like. that is the last thing i would ever want to fucking do.#but i do have an extremely complex relationship w my agab how i was raised and focally how i coped w it#maybe i'm misuing terms but i feel like 'socialization' language can be useful but ONLY. on that specific person's terms.#you shouldn't use it to 'make sense of' or describe someone else's experience.#and absolutely shouldn't be used to reinvent/reinforce the gender binary. that's stupid.#idk idk everybody who doesn't fit neatly into the cis status quo faces unique forms of bigotry based on whatever 'category' they 'slot into'#came free w being punished by a system that doesn't want you to exist the way you do.#any which way i do feel like an afag patch could serve cunt........... that's just how i feel atm though.#it does speak to me...
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read the ganji letter leaks... trying to decide how i feel.
#ooc#i see a lot of people saying it's racist and i feel like as a white person; it's not my place to decide if it is or isn't??#not sure i phrased that right but#i do think annie was never as innocent as people thought so her wariness and aggression towards ganji makes sense; especially with the drug#but i always interpreted her as feeling that way because of his manic episodes / general closed-off nature that scared her.#I don't like this letter claiming that anne was given an ''unfavorable impression'' of him due to his ''strange accent'' as well...#i say claimed because we know the narrator of these letters is biased but like#it feels unnecessary. realistic for the time? maybe. but realism isn't the only thing that matters in a story.#i honestly got the impression from the letter that the majority of her distrust of him was due to his ''manic'' outbursts???#more than anything else#but again... i don't want to be like ''it's not actually racism guys'' when i'm white. and i do think the letter has like.#problematic undertones /at the very least./#just kind of disappointed in netease for this one. i don't think it was intentional on their part but that doesn't make it better.#like it upset a lot of people so clearly it didn't have to be written that way#as for whether or not i'll keep annie as a muse... undecided atm#my personal interpretation is as above but i wouldn't blame people for being uncomfortable with her from now either#so... i'll think about it?? maybe add content warnings for her in my rules?? idk#racism tw //#anyway this is just how i feel atm! i realize everyone will interpret things differently but. still.#( also i can send anyone the leaks if they want to see the letter; just ask! )#idv leaks //
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you don’t have to post this but i just want you to know i totally relate i rbed an ask game post today and got no asks :/ it sucks even if it’s just a silly little tumblr game
Yeahhhhh :(( I'm glad I'm not alone, anon. This made me feel a bit better, so thank you <3
#I feel pretty lonely in general atm#and it's not fun when you try to make an attempt to get out of your shell and it just. Doesn't do anything.#I already feel weirdly desperate for attention when I reblog those#like it's one of those things that still make me feel weird for some reason#And it doesn't help when you feel like you don't get acknowledged#again im probably being super whiney rn but#i feel like im having trouble attracting interest? is that bad to say? idk :/#i just wanna talk about anything and i just have trouble finding ways to get people to engage ig#thats not to blame anyone at all. i just dont know how to get that :')#its just a weird thing to kinda feel like youre losing your footing like this#ughhhh sry i sound so insecure#but idk. i wanna talk about art and such. or get peoples opinions or questions.#but I just dont even want to reblog them bcs it makes me feel emptier than not reblogging#and you see other people's blogs and theyre getting a lot of asks and idk what to do in that situation#they deserve those asks and im very glad for them but like. am i doing smth wrong :/#my constant insecurity is that im being annoying. and unfortunately things like this just make me feel like people are fed up w me ig#SORRY AGAIN. its my blog i can complain ik that. but still. am i being whiney idk#catie.asks.
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Honestly would love to try writing again but I don't think I would post it anywhere.
#i actually think its because of my mutuals putting out banger fics lately i've been kinda getting the itch to try it myself#i actually wrote two small pieces on here ages ago (if you remember them you the real mvp) and they were like. fine ig#but idk i wanna try it again#if i did post it would be on tumblr only tbh#i have a very specific scenario for captain au i want to write out#captain au's ultimate goal is a comic but comics take too much time and energy and i don't have a lot of energy atm#but there's a scene in hatanaka's palace that i want to write out really badly#especially after playing royal again recently#it would be the scene where the thieves encounter hatanaka's cognition of riku#i think cognitive selves are a little underutilized in the game post the second palace so i kinda wanted to go a little crazy with it#but we'll see lol i have very little experience writing so idk how confident i'd be in posting it#idk why im making this post even lol ig i just feel like talking#this blog is in a sense my diary lmao#hope y'all are having a nice day anyway. its cold here.
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