#Hunter crocs real !! My son.

[heuffopla]

Them💛💚

[littlealeta]

Back to the Outback Review

Story

Right off the bat, I was pretty sure this movie was going to be ass. It portrays pretty toxic messages about being friends with wild animals and paints zoos as these evil places that want to capture all dangerous animals just to protect people. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think that’s how zoos work? Zoos don’t capture animals because they’re dangerous, they capture them for research, exhibit, and conservation purposes. Most wild animals like Taipan Snakes do not actively go out to hurt people. More likely, from what I heard, they run away unless cornered, their territory is invaded, or you get near their babies. So simple solution, DO NOT GO NEAR WILD ANIMALS. They’re not ruining the world, they’re just trying to live their lives, man. And also, animal attacks do not cause animals to be taken away. Also, it was the kid’s fault for getting near the croc in the first place, not the croc. So, even as a movie that tries to portray animal abuse, it’s unrealistic.

But… I had to finish this movie so I could write this review. Even though I really wanted it to end about 15 minutes in. 

The story doesn’t get any better. It’s full of a bunch of deus ex machinas and conveniently shaped lamps so there’s never really much real tension in the film. There’s literally a code that solves any sticky situation our characters get into. Make of that what you will.

Bruh, it’d be better just to send this picture to your children and have them figure out which animal is which than watch this piece of garbage.

A lot of the movie just happens at stupid random. Like, we get this really emotional scene of the world mourning Martin. But wait a minute…How would they know that Martin died if they don’t know where he is? Just say he’s missing for God’s sake.

The humor is a mixed bag. It has some of the lowbrow humor, nonsensical jokes, and shitty puns you can come to expect in a kids film with some quirkiness and silliness mixed in there.

I would say that one good thing I'll give to the story is that the animals don't talk to people. In fact, the people see animals in different ways from how the animal is actually communicating with them. Like, whenever they talk, people see a growling creature.

Characters

One highlight I will give the characters is that they all have their own unique personalities. But I only remember liking a few, on paper. They are nice, but their story is just too weak to even care about their journey. Then, there are some that are just pretty unlikeable. Pretty Boy (who I’m going to call Martin because Pretty Boy is weird) is a complete jerk to the entire cast. I get he’s spoiled, but, like, why are you mean to everybody, bruh? At the end, he even develops a little crush on Maddie out of nowhere. My only point for him is that he does have character development. Though, it doesn’t hit that hard because I never cared much about him to begin with. Chaz Hunter is a completely unlikeable villain who is the reason why I hate this entire story in the first place. And he’s just an awful human being. He has his own son tag along on his treacherous adventures among other things I won’t spoil. He even has a backstory which is melodramatically stupid and just plain unnecessary that provides a reason why he uses his Australian voice.

And not only are the zookeepers mean, but some of the minor characters are just aggressive to the main cast too. Like one time, they meet this spider and they suddenly attack Koala for being too cute.

Did she just break his arm????

Overall

I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about this movie. But what I mostly felt was frustration. Not only because it was a bad script, but because I didn’t know what the hell was the point of this movie. On one hand, it seems like it’s trying to tell a sincere story about caring for wild animals, but then it throws in all these silly jokes and plot conveniences like it’s supposed to be a dumb fun kids film. But in the end, I just found myself laughing and cringing at how bad and messy it was.

Would kids like it? Probably. I certainly would have if I was under 10. The adorably funny characters and the fast-paced story will keep them engaged, regardless of how bizarre and inane it is. But I personally wouldn’t recommend it to kids. The story is just so mean-spirited and gives out so much false propaganda about zoos, animals and animal abuse. And the whole message is pretty messed up too, we should protect wild animals, but we shouldn’t get near them. There are better anti-animal cruelty stories out there. Maybe go watch other animal adventure films like Madagascar or even The Bad Guys if you want a film about animals wishing that they were something else instead of what they are. But if you want a bad movie to make fun of and laugh at, this is at least pretty enjoyable.

I give Back to the Outback 4.9 bells out of 10.

Rating system not available due to me being on vacation

And remember kids, stay away from wild animals and you won’t get attacked. Problem solved.

[dilfbatman]

Hey!:) Do you have any hc for eros!Percy?

I LOVE EROS!PERCY

—

- okay so i personally love the og myth of eros being a primordial god rather than the son of aphrodite & mars so that’s what i’m gonna do and NO hoo eros bc that was not it....... idk what rr did there for real but anyways

- percy as a son of eros would essentially be my lifeline due to the fact that he is insanely beautiful while being very competent in combat while having high intelligence & extreme power bc being the son of a primordial god is PEAK

- at camp he used to be in the hermes cabin but everyone was confused bc come on...... he BELONGS in the aphrodite cabin but there’s something different about him - almost otherworldly & somewhat ancient but then you see him wearing bright blue crocs and jorts and you’re like no. this king is from the Modern Era (say that how justin mcelroy would say it)

- but then ofc the whole war against titans happens and he gets officially claimed by eros and everything kinda falls into place - and as a child of eros here’s some of his powers:

- he can radiate beauty and stop his enemies from fighting him even while he charges them head on (yes that’s real it’s michael kahale’s power)

- he has amokinesis meaning he can control emotions of love & desire but he never uses it bc he doesn’t wanna make someone be w someone they don’t wanna be w

- however something a son of eros CAN do is manipulate effortlessly - using your beauty and your intellect to gain information? sneak around and get let off because you use your powers & leave everyone in a cloudy haze? yeah that’s iconic and he DOES do that during fights & in his day to day when someone is being a dick to him or his friends

- i imagine a black widow type-esque vibe but better knddjdn like super beautiful but insanely powerful & intelligent! my brown king can do scissor kicks and choke bad guys out w his thighs and he’s valid and i will support him

- he has mastered the skill of archery and often trains w the sons of apollo (a hunter group similar to the hunters of artemis) & he joins their group and gets through the ranks to have a more higher/powerful position

- now i love the idea of percy being someone people can go to when they need help - he helps people w their family/friend issues, he helps people find self love, he gives relationship advice & friendship advice - he’s just someone everyone trusts & admires! and it helps to look at a pretty face hehe

- one time on valentine’s day he wore a white shirt w the word “LOVER” printed in red with red rimmed heart shaped sun glasses and blue jeans w heart patterned white vans while he’s sucking on a strawberry flavored heart shaped lollipop and a huge smile/smirk on his face and you know what - he absolutely KILLED it! he gives everyone roses and compliments and this is an excuse for him & the camp to eat a plethora of candy <3 it’s a day where he can enjoy being a son of eros while making EVERYONE’S day brighter :’)

[mairzymarzipan]

Night of the Full Moon Character Reviews: The Carpenter(s) and the Lumberjack(s)

After yesterday’s events, I decided to push my reviews of these characters way up.

Just a note that at this point, I’m going to just sum up descriptions.  Some of them get to be really longg and sort of redundant in their wording.  

The Carpenter/The Werewolf

The Carpenter, Jerry, is a character Red might meet in the first chapter.  He’s usually very weak and a quick battle.  I can’t even remember his attacks.  His reason for fighting you is he’s worried about your safety.  When he talks to you, you can either choose to thank him, tell him you’ll protect yourself, or disregard him.  If you thank him, he stops himself from saying something.  If you disregard him, he’s hurt.

ofc if you read my post yesterday you that the big twist that he’s also the werewolf you fight in the end.  The second fight is definitely more of a challenge.  The werewolf has regenerative powers.  His main gimmick is that, on each turn, you have to pick one of seven cards, each with a different effect.  Two of them actually benefit you but most of them are a pain in the ass.  I recommend using the 90% heal and the ‘you can’t use cards’ option while you have a lot of health.

“I don’t know if it’s because he is young and shy or because he’s a werewolf, but the carpenter won’t tell Little Red Riding Hood how he feels. He was worried that on a full moon night he will turn, lose control and harm the villagers. The werewolf planned to go and spend the night in the Black Forest, but he did not expect to be pursued by hunters. He was injured and finally fell at Little Red Riding Hood’s hands...he didn’t even get the chance to say anything.”

So yeah, this is another downer ending.  Honestly, idk what is worse- killing your grandma or your childhood friend.  This is another weird instance of the text going into first person for no reason.  Who’s talking here?  The Infected?

The Carpenter description is quite a bit longer, but it summarizes to:

He’s adopted

His dad is the lumberjack

He makes beautiful furniture

He’s well liked

He’s got a secret crush on his friend, Red

He’s a werewolf

He’s kept that secret from everyone

He does not remember when he got cursed

He’s worried he might harm people when he’s a wolf

I would like to know how the heck he managed to keep the werewolf thing secret from his dad, who he lived with.  This isn’t like, oh, he has a certain opinion.  Nah- this is his body transforming every month.  How does his dad miss that?

Him being adopted also kind of hints that his bio parents are werewolves, as does this.

This is the picture you get when you toggle Jerry’s class to hard: a crying werewolf leaving a human baby at a lumberjack’s shop.

Since there’s a full moon and the werewolf is, well, a wolf, and the baby isn’t, I’m going to bet that werewolves in this world don’t start transforming until a certain age.  Jerry would be old enough to know that he has to hide himself once he starts.  One does wonder, though, why the wolf needs to leave their baby.  Does it have something to do with the arrow in their leg?

Maybe this will be like Red’s set.  Maybe we’ll get all kinds of Jerry classes and each one will display a scene of him a little older to tell a story.  

Here’s another theory: This wolf is the Cursed Werewolf, who Jerry might fight as a boss.  I mean it works just as well as Red fighting her grandma.

I must say, fighting as Jerry is pretty fun.  It feels as chaotic as a card game can be, yanno?  Like you really are a rabid wolf.  I especially love the cards you can get, though.  A lot of them have Jerry- as a wolf or a human- on them.  And they sort of humanize him a lot.  He has this whole range of emotions, whereas the cards Red appears on always makes her look like a badass.

I especially love that one.

Anyhoo, I’m gonna give Jerry 🌕🌕🌕🌕 four full moons.  He’s a cute kid, and as a werewolf, and challenging fight.  It’s clear that they’re planning to embellish on his story more.  I just do not care about the romance angle, tho, and I hate that the game does so much.

The Lumberjack

When Red encounters the Lumberjack, he’s wondering what she’s doing out so late, but isn’t really trying to stop her.  If you defeat him, he’ll tell you about Jerry going missing and ask if you’ve seen him.  He even sees he goes missing every full moon, and yet he still hasn’t put the werewolf thing together yet?  Oi.  

One bit of interesting trivia is that his dialog actually changed.  He used to say, “Who are you?  What are you doing here?”  So, I guess he used to be just, a guy, but then the programmers decided to make him important.  That’s cool.

His description tells us that the Lumberjack found Jerry in the woods, so it clashes with the illustration we saw earlier, but I’m willing to forgive that.  Also it was snowing when he found the baby.  Either it was winter or the curse was in affect even waaaaay back then.

I’ll give him 🌲🌲 two trees.  He’s a good solid character for what he is.  Obviously he is just there to be a part of Jerry’s story but he does as best as he can in a support role.  He’s just, not terribly memorable?  I’ve fought him several times but I’m struggling to remember what cards he uses.

The Crocodile

The Crocodile is a boss, so you could find him in any of the three chapters.  He makes good use of attack cards.  He also has some great lines.

“I’m more like drift wood.”

“Family means hope.”

“Crocodiles don’t cry only because...they’re never sad.”

“I could never lift an axe...”

I haven’t talked about the voice artists yet, but I feel like the crocodile gets one of the better English ones. It’s too bad these people aren’t credited! Honestly, why?

But yeah, he really does a good job of making this character sound like a real person. There’s a sense of trying to put on a brave face with self-effacing jokes while honestly being miserable.  

So anyway, this guy

“This powerful-looking crocodile was once a lumberjack. Once he learned that the identities of Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother had been exposed, he tried to help them hide. However, the church patroller had other ideas. Things didn’t end up well for the lumberjack, but Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother made it out. Now he still waits for the curse to be lifted from the Black Forest, for it afflicts many innocent people, including his out son: the carpenter, Jerry.”

Is Jerry’s dad.

Jerry’s dad in, another timeline?  This whole thing about Red and Grandma needing to hide for a while- that’s not really referenced in the other character bios.  Usually it’s just Grandma going out into the woods and Red needing to find her.  The human Lumberjack doesn’t seem very protective of Red.  He seems totally understanding of her quest and only asks if she’s seen his son.  So it doesn’t make sense for him to get turned into a croc while trying to help her the same night when he was on his own mission.  But this bio kind of gives the impression that this guy has been trapped for like, months if not years.

I can tell you that Jerry’s line got changed too.  It used to be ‘One day, my father went into the dark forest, and never came back”.  Now it’s “There are those who go into the forest and never return.”  

It almost seems like the Crocodile being Jerry’s father is something the creators want to retcon out of existence.  So far this description hasn’t changed, but I keep watching it.  

It would bum me out, to be honest, if that were the case.  The Crocodile is, honestly, my favorite character.  He’s the reason I got so swept up into the lore of this game.  Not only does he have the best lines, but his voice actor is really good.  You get the sense of a guy who’s losing hope because he lost his family, and at the same time hates himself because he wouldn’t be able to provide for them anyway.  But he’s also proud, and doesn’t want Red to know he’s cursed, and certain not a person who cries!

I also love that these two sometimes-animal people are both cursed but also both taking pains to keep the other from finding out about the curse.  Wonderful irony, there.

The obvious way to fix this situation with the two lumberdads is...with two dads.  In fact, in my fics Jerry does have two dads- a red headed guy who’s still there, and another one who’s missing.  He’s supposed to look like this.

Anyhoo, I’m going to give him 🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊 SIX big toothy lizards in the hope that the devs will save my croc son!