#However don't get into trouble for helping me ! Your life before mine ! It's to the people who can afford it that I ask ^^''

[yore-donatsu]

Hey Everyone ! \^v^/ Don't forget: C★mmissi★ns are always  OPEN ♥ Share this if you can't buy me a c★mmish ^u^°  And If you can too of course !  You can't imagine how much it helps  °3^ ~♥

(Links in the the thread for all details if you're too lazy to rewrite. I’ll not judge you because I am also lazy sometimes X”D)  

[http-numbah5]

Turkish Dizi girlies where do you watch your stuff for free without signing up?

[sweetprfct]

High Infidelity

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Did you really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? Did you really have to tell him how he brought you back to life?

Author's Note: Babe by Taylor Swift, High Infidelity by Taylor Swift, Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift, My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift, Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift. I don't know... I don't know... I don't know. My mind is all over the place the past week and needed to write this down for some distraction. I don't know... I never done a back to back series nor have written something like this, so yeah. Forgive me for all the trigger warnings. Everything is all so crazy. This is a very very hard thing to write because of past emotional abuse experiences in real life that still terrorizes me and maybe it's a letter for the past experience to let it go.

Disclaimer: 18+, emotional abuse, mention of harming, infidelity

(Please, please don't read this if it triggers you. I need you all to think hard about it before reading this one. This is a bit of a dark fic).

Wordcount: 3.2K

part one - part two - part three - part four - epilogue

“Late again?” 

Your boyfriend, Eli, asked you the moment you entered the flat. You were kicking off your shoes by the front door, eyes full of exhaustion as you sighed. He was by the kitchen heating up some leftovers. You didn’t exactly understand how it was “late” because technically it was only 9pm.

“Yeah, the event went pretty late.” You replied.

You technically left the event early knowing that Eli would start asking where you were. That was how he was these days. Keeping count of everything you did.

You were technically not an official assistant in the team. You just started this job, and it was more of a paid internship that you applied to because you needed the money, and it paid really well. You worked for Joseph Quinn’s team. A British actor who got pushed into the limelight too fast after his appearance in Stranger Things.

Joe was nice. His team was nice and very organized and all you had to do was bring Joe’s things, get coffee, and help his team organize whatever they needed for Joe. 

That was all. 

Nothing too complicated.

Nothing for you to really complain about nor do something that could ruin this whole internship that you applied for. 

Well, at least that was what you thought. 

“That’s a nice dress.” Eli stepped out of the kitchen, his eyes studying you as he ate a piece of chicken. 

For some reason, his eyes studying you like that made you feel angry and annoyed. It wasn’t like he was doing anything to you, but the tone of his voice was making you feel annoyed. 

“Thanks. I’ll go freshen up.” You gave him a small smile, giving him a quick peck on the lips before heading down the hall. 

“I’m sure many men were staring at you tonight.” Eli added his little comment that made you stop halfway from your steps and looked over your shoulder.

“I was just doing my job, assisting.” You reassured him before continuing down the hall and into your bedroom.

You weren’t going to lie. Your relationship with Eli for the past two years has been rough. He was constantly jealous, constantly making rude comments about what you wear and how you wore your makeup to the point where you had stopped putting makeup on. You had changed your whole closet to just jeans, t-shirt or jumpers. You changed your whole style and personality because you didn’t want any trouble from Eli. You didn’t want to disappoint him. 

However, this new job of yours came with the responsibility of dressing up and wearing makeup when you accompany Joe through the many events or movie premieres. That made Eli squirm even more for the last four months whenever you came home wearing a nice dress and nice makeup. He would comment how the dress was too short or the dress was too revealing. 

“I wore a jacket, don’t worry.” You would tell him. 

“Next time, pick one that isn’t so revealing.” Eli would scoff. “You’re mine. You don’t need other men looking at you.” 

You could feel the love in your relationship was slowly fading, and you didn’t know how to get out of it. You were too scared to do something about it. Terrified even what he could react or say towards this decision of yours if you ever decided to cut this off. Eli had been very aggressive towards his words to you and sometimes, even if he wouldn’t say something, you could see the disappointment all over his face. You were a people pleaser, and you were the kind of person who didn’t want any trouble, so you tried to give what he wanted most of the time.

It made you hide inside yourself even more. It made you feel insecure. It made you terrified of every decision you made because you didn’t want to upset him. You didn’t want to see that reaction on his face even if his lips were saying something else. It made you feel like you were walking on broken glass every time. 

Sliding yourself under the covers next to Eli that night, you saw his eyes studying you the moment you entered the room and brushed your hair in front of your vanity. His eyes never left you until you laid next to him. He immediately moved himself close to you and pulled you in his arms, hugging you from behind. 

“So, how many more events do you have to go to?” He asked.

You sighed, closing your eyes. Eli was never interested in your job. You knew he was asking about it, so he knew what he was expecting. By that, it meant he would be monitoring the outfits that you would wear and the people that would be around you in that event.

“Not sure.” You murmured. “I’ll let you know once my supervisor lets me know.”

Eli lets out a soft hum and kisses you on your cheek before turning you to face him and kisses you roughly on the lips, towering over you. For a second, you went with it and kissed him back, pushing your body against his and letting him have what he wanted. He lets his soft fingers slide the strap of your tank top, kissing your bare shoulder. His lips found the skin of your neck as he softly sucked onto the skin, a small gasp escaping your lips.

“Babe.” You whispered, slowly pulling away. “I’m tired. I’m early tomorrow.”

Eli sighed, letting himself laid back down on the bed next to you. 

“You’re always tired.” He argued. “The last time we had sex was last week.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just tired today, and I have to get up early tomorrow.” You turned your back on him, closing your eyes. 

“Right.” Eli said sarcastically, getting up from the bed.

You looked over your shoulder, sitting up on the bed as he made his way towards the door.

“No, c’mon. Don’t be so upset.” You said.

You could see it all over his eyes that was getting upset, and you knew if you didn’t do something about this, he wouldn’t talk to you for the next two days. He would make up an excuse that he was busy and that he would be with his friends. 

“Come here.” You reached your hand out to him as he paused in his tracks and stared at your hand. 

He gave you a small smile and walked towards the side of your bed, taking your hand in his as he kissed you hungrily and towered over you on the bed. You let him touch you in all the ways he wanted to, but you just felt numb. You couldn’t breathe as you stared into the white ceiling and kissed him back softly, letting his fingers brush against your burning skin. You felt disassociated as he kissed you hungrily and pushed himself inside of you. 

You felt nothing but disgusted with yourself for being so weak.  

That was how you have been feeling lately with your relationship. You felt trapped and you felt like a chain has been around your neck lately, and Eli was pulling it every chance he got. 

“Hey, could you go to the coffee shop down the block to get everyone coffee?” Alex, Joe’s manager, asked, interrupting your thoughts the next day. 

“Uh…sure.” Alex handed you a piece of paper with everyone’s orders. 

Your job was always simple but as time went on, your interaction with certain people became more frequent. In the beginning, Joe couldn’t even look at you nor acknowledge you that much unless he was thanking you for bringing him the things he needed. Then, Alex and his team had gotten busier that the things in your list were starting to add up. Part of your job has been added to “make sure Joe is in this place at a certain time,” or “make sure Joe wears this suit instead of this.”

Then, there was the chore that Alex would give you to make sure that his collar, tie or buttons on his shirt was perfect before he stepped out of the red carpet. 

“Do you enjoy your job?” Joe had asked you that one time when you had sat on the sofa of his dressing room, waiting for the rest of his team to arrive. 

“Sure.” Your voice almost sounded so monotone that Joe couldn’t even believe your answer. 

He sat there and tilted his head at you, one brow raised and waited for your real answer. You let out a deep breath, closing the magazine that you were reading and set it back on the table.

“I guess it’s okay. Couldn’t complain.” You shrugged.

Joe let out a soft understanding hum and focused his attention back to his phone, scrolling his time away. He was getting ready for his movie premiere, and you were there to make sure that everything he needed was there. That he looked perfect right before he stepped out of the red carpet.

Not that you hated your job but sometimes, it could get so repetitive that you looked bored after the events. The rest of Joe’s team would go and prepare whatever they needed to, and you would just make sure Joe was fine. That he didn’t need anything. 

“Here.” Joe handed you a glass of martini at the after party of the premiere.

“No, thanks. I’m technically still working.” 

“And looked bored.” Joe’s face was a little too close to yours as he whispered those words.

You hesitated, your eyes scanning the room trying to look for a sign of Alex. Joe couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking his head.

“They went home. So, technically you’re the only one left here.” Joe answered the question that you were asking in your head. “C’mon. You deserve it for working so hard all the time.”

Pursing your lips, you stared at the glass that Joe was holding before finally taking it from his hand and taking a sip of it. Joe smiled and took a sip of his own drink, his eyes scanning the room before falling back to you.

“Are you usually this quiet?” Joe asked.

“I’m just doing my job.” You answered, a small smile creeping up on Joe’s face. “I don’t want to interrupt anyone.”

“You’re not interrupting me.” Joe smiled, taking another sip of his drink.

You could tell he already had a few drinks before this conversation. You continued to drink the glass of martini in your hand and didn’t reply a word to what Joe said. You could tell the alcohol was making him a little bolder, and he was trying to flirt. You didn’t want to step into any boundaries because first of all, it was inappropriate, and you didn’t want to lose this job either.

“So, how long have you been here in London?” Joe asked.

“About two years.” Your answers were plain and simple as Joe continued to play 20 questions with you. 

By the end of the night, you both seemed to open up to each other a little bit more, and you were able to learn Joe more personally. The thing was that you didn’t realize that night was going to be a start of something new between you and him because ever since that event, Joe’s attention was on you most of the time. He would gaze down at you and give you small smiles, while you would fix his collar or tie before he stepped out onto the red carpet.

Then, during after parties, you would be left to babysit Joe, and you would notice how his eyes would catch your eyes across the room. You sat in the corner and minded your own business, your focus on your phone. However, Joe would walk towards you and catch your attention.

“Wanna dance?” Joe held out his hand.

You bit your lower lip and said, “I don’t dance, sorry.”

Joe sighed and sat next to you, his eyes lingering on the screen of your work phone. 

“Whatever Alex is telling you to do can wait ‘til tomorrow.” 

“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have a full to-do list.”

Joe laughed softly, raising his brow at you. “A full to-do list? I’m the one who has to stand in front of those cameras and do the interviews, remember?”

Joe had a point. 

Though, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “True.” 

You and Joe would talk for the rest of the night. You both would laugh and tease each other. You both would start talking about personal things, and he somehow was able to understand you well. It made your heart swell a little bit. 

It wasn’t right that you felt this way towards Joe because you were in a relationship. You could just easily let Joe know that you weren’t single and that whatever flirty tricks he was trying to do to you, it wouldn’t work. However, you kept dancing around that subject. You didn’t bother bringing that subject up and towards the end of the night, you both would start flirting a little bit more. Besides the fact that you were in a relationship, you also didn’t want to do anything unprofessional or inappropriate because at the end of the night, you were technically still working for Joe’s team and Joe. So, you tried your best not to lead him on. 

That was until you had come home one night and found Eli waiting for you in the living room. You arrived home half an hour past nine, and he already looked upset the moment you had stepped inside the flat. 

“Where have you been?” Eli’s tone of voice wasn’t what you liked at all. 

“I’m sorry, I had to finish some things. I texted you I was going to be late.” You explained.

“No, you didn’t.” Eli argued.

“Yes, I did. Didn’t you get my message?” You knitted your brows, making sure your voice was calm because you didn’t want to upset him even more.

You watched Eli pick up his phone from the coffee table and looked down at it and let out a deep breath.

“You know, maybe you should look for another job if they keep making you stay up this late.” 

You slid your coat off and hung it on the coat hanger and said, “It’s only 9:30. It’s not that late, Eli.”

You heard Eli scoff and shook his head. “So, you'd rather be with them than with me?”

You were confused. 

Where did that subject came from?

You didn’t understand why Eli was acting like this. Shouldn’t he be more supportive about your career? Didn’t you tell him that you needed this job because you needed the money? What else did you have to say or do to make sure he would stop this jealousy thing because it was making you so exhausted.

“I… I didn’t say that.” You murmured.

“Maybe you just don’t love me the way I love you. Just tell me, and it’s fine. I’ll happily go.” Eli shrugged, looking down at the floor.

You walked towards him, taking his hands in yours. The guilt inside of you brewed in your stomach but at the same time, you wanted to vomit. 

“I do love you. I told you that, remember? I love you.”

You felt nothing.

“Then, find another job… for me.” Eli looked into your eyes.

“I… I can’t. It’s hard to look for another job out there and this pays me well, while I’m able to learn the entertainment industry. You know how much I want a career in that industry.”

Eli’s eyes suddenly turned glum again. He slid his hands away from yours and exhaled sharply. 

“Why would you even want to be in that industry? So you could be naked and show everyone that?” 

You couldn’t understand what he was saying. You couldn't understand why he was acting like this.  

“You know that’s not true!” You argued.

You were exhausted from explaining yourself over and over again, and he just didn’t believe you. You felt like whatever you did was never enough for him. Tears started welling up in your eyes as you watched Eli grab his car keys.

“Wh…Where are you going?” Your voice stuttered, terrified of what he might do.

“Obviously, you don’t love me. I mean… no one loves me, so what’s the point, right?”

You grabbed his hand, trying to take the keys away, but he had his hand in a fist as he tried to slide his hand away from your grip.

“No, stop! Please.” You begged, tears rolling down your cheeks. “Don’t do this.”

“If you love me, you’d do this for me.” Eli replied, his eyes hardened as he stared at you.

You didn’t say a word because what he was asking of you was impossible. You already had lost yourself and your dignity. Your job at the moment was the only thing that you have that could maybe help you get back up again. After a few seconds of not replying, Eli pulled his wrist away from your grip, shaking his head.

“If you find me dead on the road then that’s on you.” He stated before walking out the front door. 

“Eli!” You cried out, running out the door, but it was too late as he had already gotten in the car and drove off.

Going back inside the flat, you laid on your bed that night, sobbing and questioning as to how you have gotten yourself into this situation. Questioning every decision you made as to why you were too weak to break this off. 

What if you break this thing off, and Eli would actually harm himself? It would be all your fault like he said. What if no one could love you after this? What about the happy memories that the two of you had at the beginning? What if you would regret it at the end for letting him go? You knew you were the only one that he had left in his life. You couldn’t do that to him either. You couldn’t easily just get out. 

You were trapped. 

Stuck. 

Frozen.

Around midnight, Eli had come back home. You weren’t asleep when he had entered the bedroom, but you had your eyes closed. How could you sleep after tonight? How were you able to have a peace of mind if he was out there? How would you know that he didn’t do anything to himself? It would be all your fault if something happened to him. 

You just couldn’t shut your mouth and agreed with what he was asking, couldn’t you? 

Feeling his arms wrapped around your torso, you felt him nuzzling your hair. You didn’t move. You couldn’t move. You knew he wasn’t going to apologize, so you didn’t try to hope for that. Eventually, he had fallen asleep, holding you that night. A tear rolled down your cheek as you covered your mouth with the palm of your hand to block out your sobs, so he wouldn’t wake up. 

At this point, you didn’t know who you were anymore. 

You just felt numb and lost, choking in your own tears. 

Taglist:

@palomahasenteredthechat @sunvick @eddies-acousticguitar @demonsanddemogorgons @joesquinns @mmunson86 @ghostinthebackofyourhead @corrodedcoffincumslut @figmentofquinn @tlclick73 @browneyes8288 @bylermaxmayfield @ali-r3n @ficsbypix @capricornrisingsstuff @missonlypost @ali-in-w0nderland @amberolivia666 @lalalala-melmosworld @niallersfreckles @nanas-lasagna @emma77645 @indulgence-be-thy-name @readergf

[gingiesworld]

A Mother's Love

Elizabeth Olsen x Male Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Drugs and Alcohol. Elizabeth is 34. Reader is 15

Requested

18+ MINORS DNI

Y/N had spent most of his life being passed around foster homes like a joint at a party since he lost his parents. He was only 5 when they passed away, remembering the day like it was yesterday.

He was sat in his class, colouring in the drawing he made for his mom when the principle walked in. The moment he was told about his parents, it seemed as though the years that came were all a blur.

He stayed with his sister Ava for the better part of a decade, taking every punishment so they never hurt his twin. That was until she was sent to an all girls boarding school, spending the holidays on campus, wishing that she would be reunited with her brother.

But he was thrown into another abusive home, until he had had enough and ran away at the age of 15. Taking only what was sentimental and some money, hoping it would be enough to get by.

That was until he bumped into Lizzie, of course he apologised with his head down before trying to walk away, but Lizzie noticed his clothes remained unwashed.

"Hey, are you ok?" She asked him as she walked beside him.

"Yeah." He muttered as she shook her head.

"You don't look fine kid." She told him. "Come on, let me take you home."

"No!" He shouted as she gave him a curious look. "I can't go home."

"Hey, it's ok." She told him. "Will you let me help you, I have a friend who can help you." He nodded reluctantly as he followed her to set, she allowed him to sit in her trailer as she spoke to her manager.

"How old is he?" Marla questioned.

"He only looks about 14, 15 maybe." She answered her. "He looks homeless, and like he uses. I just want to help him."

"Maybe take him home with you, Robbie is there so you will be safe, just in case." Marla reasoned as Lizzie nodded. Deciding to call it a day and head home.

She shown him the guest room shower and gave him some of Robbie's clothes and a towel. Leaving him be as she took his dirty clothes to the washing machine.

"Are you sure about this?" Robbie asked her as she just nodded.

"He needs someone to take care of him Robbie." She told him.

"This isn't because of the issues you're having is it?" He asked her as she shook her head no.

"It looks like he hasn't had a stable home in years." She told him. "I just want him to have somewhere safe."

That was the start of Lizzie's fight to help the troubled teen. Getting him to go to school was a struggle as he skipped the days before she would take him herself.

He still remained closed off as she tried to earn his trust. She found him turning to drugs more and stealing alcohol from her cupboard.

"Y/N, you need help." She started as she entered the living room, seeing Y/N sat smoking on her sofa. He just scoffed before disappearing to his room.

Lizzie followed the sound of a door slamming, after returning home to Y/N smoking a blunt in her living room.

"I am not done here!" She yelled through the closed door. "Just let me in?"

"No!" He yelled. "Just so you can use the belt on me!! Or maybe burn my skin with a cigarette."

"No!" Lizzie yelled back. "I wouldn't do that!"

"That's what they said." He opened the door. "Just to get me to open up and then they would hurt me, scar my skin."

"I would never." She whispered sadly. "I just want you to talk to me. Let me in because I know it might not seem like it but I love you kid." He just hugged her as he cried into her chest, holding onto her for dear life.

"I love you too mom." He sobbed as she kissed the top of his head, holding him for however long he needed. "Will you help me?" He asked shakily as Lizzie just nodded.

"We will get you all the help you need." Robbie spoke from the top of the stairs. Both Lizzie and Y/N looked at him as he held a file. "I also had a friend of mine track down your sister."

"Ava?" He questioned as Robbie nodded.

"She is at an all girls private school, has been since you two were separated." He told him. "But we can get her back if that is what you want?"

"That's all I've ever wanted." He whispered as Robbie smiled.

"And we would like to adopt you and Ava." Lizzie told him. "I know you have only been here a few months but we want to give you a safe home."

"Yeah." He nodded as she hugged him once more, Robbie soon joined the two.

As the weeks went on, Y/N had started therapy, getting help with the drug and alcohol abuse and also talking about his past, making sense of his emotions. All the while, Robbie and Lizzie were also working on getting Ava out of school and reuniting her with Y/N. The adoption process started the moment they ordered the forms, especially since both teens were already in the system.

So when Robbie waited for Y/N to finish his session, Lizzie had already helped Ava settle in to her new home. Smiles and tears on her face as she had finally felt safe for the first time in her life.

"How was therapy?" Lizzie asked casually as the two entered the house.

"It was something." Y/N answered her before his eyes fell on Ava. "Sis?" He asked as she nodded. Both cried as they hugged for the first time in years. "I missed you so much." He kissed her held as he held her in his arms.

"I missed you." She answered as both Robbie and Lizzie smiled at the two of them.

"How about some pizza and a movie?" Lizzie asked the two teens who only nodded. Robbie ordered the food as they all struggled to settle on a movie. Soon settling on The Amazing Spiderman. Robbie wrapped his arm around his wife as they watched the twins sit side by side, watching silently as they ate their pizza. Loving being in each other's company after years of separation.

[sturnstvs]

the smallest man who ever lived - matt sturniolo

warnings: super sad, no happy ending, toxic matt, mentions of drugs

summary: in which being best friends with benefits doesn't turn out they way either of you would have expected

note: also quick thing I don't know if im doing the song justice I hope you like it. this is just my take on it. also I'm bad at grammer and spelling so sorry about that

bold - lyrics

matt x reader.

was any of it true? gazing at me starry-eyed

you wernt sure when It happened. deep down you knew this would ruin you but you still went with it. you wondered if the words he muttered and they way he looked at you was real. you knew it wasn't real but you also knew you couldn't get enough

in your jehovah's witness suit

matt dressed well. everyone who came in contact with him knew that. he had a style that was like no other. even when it was lying on the floor of your room. he cared what people thought of him sometimes but being in the influencer industry he couldn't

who the fuck was that guy?

you didn't recognize him sometimes, it was like he had different personality's for different people. or maybe just everyone else and then you. one time you were at a party for some influencer and nick had invited you, being their best friend and all you accepted their invite. you being who you are didn't go to party's often especially with the boys. so when you saw matt in his natural party state lets just say it more then shocked you.

he was all over girls. dabbing people up like he was best friends with everyone there. maybe he was, you didn't know. you vividly remember you asking nick where matt got all this random confidence from. nick just brushed it off saying matt was just being himself, however to you, you couldn't recognize him.

you tried to buy some pills from a friend of friends of mine

it came back to you one day from some people that you knew that sold drugs, that matt had tried to buy something to calm his nerves. apparently he asked one of his friends not knowing you were also friends with some of them. you knew he was having some trouble however you didn't think that it had come this far.

they just ghosted you

they didnt give a reply back to matt after you told them about what had more then likely been happening. it probly wasnt your place but you did care about him and you didn't want him to spiral.

now you know what it feels like

the first time matt ghosted you, you kept wondering what you did wrong. when you confronted matt about it he shrugged it off as it was nothing. making it up to you in the only way he knew how. sex. you thought he wouldn't ghost you again but you were wrong. at this point you were used to it. he was probably balls deep into another girl for all you know. when matt came to you after he couldn't get the pills you couldn't help but feel no remorse. you had been ghosted before and it didn't feel good, and now he knew what it felt like.

and I don't even want you back I just want to know

reflecting back on what you once had was always a challenge. it brought up painful memories. he had fucked up once again and it was your last straw, you were done. a few months later though you had to go back you couldn't resist

if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal

your summer was great. hanging out with your best firends when they were in their glimmering prime. hell you where even talking to a guy. you decided that summer you were going to start taking care of yourself more. you where having the time of your life. however when you and matt slept together for the first time that summer it was like it became something bigger. something that you couldn't get enough from.

and I don't miss what we had

you knew you shouldn't. you knew you where going to regret it but you couldn't help it. his touch was mesmerizing. he made you feel safe and welcome. but at the same time when you guys were away from each other you didn't miss him. you didn't miss him completely ignoring you after the amazing sex you had the night prior.

but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived

when nick and chris found out that you wouldn't be around for a while they where beyond confused. they didn't think any of them had done anything wrong. but after all you said was "ask your brother" and hung up the phone they knew he had done something to fuck it up.

they didn't know. they didn't know you to were hoking up, all they knew was you were best friends. they yelled at matt telling him how fucked up whatever he did to you was, it was like your words were the ones shooting daggers in to his heart. but it wasn't you, it was your message.

you hung me on your wall stabbed me with your push pins

when matt hooked up with other girls you hated to say it but it hurt. it hurt like hell because you knew that one of those girls could eventually be his, even if the sex sucked. with you the sex was great, but that's all it was.

in public showed me off

in public weather it be a party or just simply around his brothers he acted like you guys where strictly friends. you knew deep down you weren't, but that also didn't mean he felt the same

then sank in stoned oblivion

when you to weren't having sex though and were alone, he acted like you weren't there. like you meant nothing to him but then when you came home with a mark on your neck he would ask where you got it from and that only he could mark you like that.

cause once your queen had come

he found is dream girl. you knew it was never going to be you, even though you wished it was. they clicked so well, like they were matches in the missing puzzle of life

you'd treat her like an also-ran

you found out the hard way he treated her like he did with you, just as her girlfriend. which in terms was way worse. you felt bad for her but at the same time, it was matt. this shit always happens with people like him

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man

matt wasn't a man. he wasn't a gentleman you would see in disney movies. he was fully grown and had the appearance of one, but he just wasn't actually one. he treated girls like they were a piece of gum. he was still in his douche bag phase

he kept repeating the same cycle with you over and over again. it was never ending.

you guys hooked up, he treated you like shit after, said you where friends to everyone, fucked something up with you, you would say you where done telling his brothers you wouldn't be over, and they would yell the same shit to him once again. he still however didn't seem to take the message to change.

you hated to say it but you wanted more, you wanted to be something to him but all your friends told you, you were crazy and you knew they were right. he wasn't going to change.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

you always wondered if the world was against you. nothing seemed to go right in the endless void that was your life. you knew you had enemies. being attractive your whole life, getting guys peple wanted you knew you might have had enemies especially being friends with so many influences, so when matt started acting this way towards you, you thought maybe this was a clap back from someone who hated you.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

everytime you guys finished and you fell back to bed he seemed tense like their was a monster hiden under the bed.

were you writing a book?

you always wondered why you fell into this situation. it was something that you would read in a book. you never thought that you would live it. was this research for him. was it a book?

were you a sleeper cell spy?

was he doing this because it was his job? there was no way, the matt that you grew up with would ever do this to you but here he was doing this to you.

in 50 years will all this be declassifed?

you often wondered if he would ever tell you why he was doing this to you but you soon found out that it wouldn't be for years if he ever did say something.

and you'll confess why you did it

he finally told you after about the sixth time of the back and forth that he did it for you because he loved you and he didn't want what the fans would say to ruin that.

and I'll say "good riddance"

when he finally told you this you where happy, he finally told you the one thing that had been hanging over your shoulders. but you weren't happy with the way he planned it out.

cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

you could see it in his eyes, though you knew that he was still worried. a relationship wasn't seen in the near future and you both knew that. once he had confessed why he did what he did, it didn't make you immediately awe at him like he thought it would. he hurt you deeply and he was paying for it. and he was an idiot for thinking it would end well.

i would've died for your sins instead I just died inside

if you where to ask younger y/n if she would take the heat for matt she would've instantly said yes but if you were to ask present day y/n she would say "no he hurt me to much" her heart died with all the love she had for matt stored in it as well.

and you deserve prison but you wont get time

she thought after what he did he should be locked up for all the damage she knew he caused on her heart. unfortunately for her, however you don't go to prison for emotionally hurting someone.

you'll slide into inboxes and slip though the bars

he tried so hard to contact y/n once she ran out of his house that night but it was no use, she just left him on read. he even tired going to her house but she wouldn't answer

you crashed my party and your rental car

you had a party after your argument with matt wanting to let off some steam. nick and chris were invited but their brother was not. he was the reason you had this party, he was the reason you had changed. somehow (probably from his brothers or social media) he found out about the party and came to try and apologize but you wouldn't accept it. he left extremely annoyed at himself for causing you the pain that he did. he ended up crashing the car that he rented while his was in the shop, on the way home. and when you heard about it the next morning you just said it was karma

you said normal girls were "boring"

he always told you when you guys would have sex that you were very adventurous with the things you did. other girls before you weren't as exciting as you were.

but you were gone by the morning

he would leave instantly early the next morning. going from your house to his before his brothers woke up. leaving extremely late at night and in the early hours in the morning, he would always tell you that he did it so you wouldn't get caught but you were never 100% sure that was the reason.

you kicked out the stage lights but you're still preforming

he dropped the act he pulled when you were sleeping together but he was still trying to get you back even though that was the last thing you wanted.

and in plain sight you hid

it was hard to show his face after what he did to you but he had to put on a brave fake smile to the camera for his job. but you could tell he was trying to hide the shame he brought upon you.

but you are what you did

you could never forgive him for the pain he caused you. he wounded you so deep you had to cut off your childhood best friends because it was too much to even look at him. every time you did look at him you were just reminded of the heartbreak.

and I'll forget you but I'll never forgive

you moved on as soon as you felt ready enough to. even though it took a while to heal after the cut matt had dug deep in your chest, you were eventually able to move on. a year later you saw him again and you made eye contact, but you turned away quickly walking up to your boyfriend. you could never forgive the man that hurt you, while also hurting himself in the process.

the smallest man who ever lived.

note: some parts in here might be a little confusing and I'm so sorry about that. like taylor i dont know what you mean by some of these lyrics.

sorry this might be bad. I'm not great at writing.

make sure you check out my other one shots and my delilah series!

requests are open! so feel free to send me some! just make sure to look at my restrictions

[bi-bard]

Against the Current Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Jason Todd - Jason Todd Imagine [Titans]

Title: Against the Current Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Jason Todd

Pairing: Jason Todd X Reader

Word Count: 1,952 words

Warning(s): yelling, mention of violence/attack

Author's Note: I love that I am using this little run of Jason Todd parts to this series as an excuse to talk about music that I don't get to talk about much. Like Against the Current, who I have been listening to for a very, very long time. Like close to a decade, if not longer.

**Not intentionally written in chronological order**

-------------------------

Blood Like Gasoline

Baby those lips like fire My blood like gasoline Sparked the fire That burned down everything

It was a bad decision.

I knew that.

However, considering that Hank had a bomb in his chest and the rest of the team was focused on completely the wrong thing, I thought it was the only choice I had.

After some careful sentences, I managed to get Hank to tell me exactly where he had met with Jason. Without a word to anyone else, I left.

My goal was to talk to him. To get through to him and get him to stop this. The team didn't need another loss right now. They needed all the help that they could get.

I walked most of the way into the room, looking all around for any sign that someone was staying there.

"I knew you'd show up."

I immediately turned around, hand going for my weapon.

"What? Are you gonna shoot me?"

I dropped my hand as soon as I saw it was Jason behind me.

"You showed up earlier than I expected," he continued. "Thought Hank would see through your attempts to find me."

Was I really that predictable or did Jason just know me?

"What happened, Jason," I asked.

"Do you mean how did I come back to life or why I'm doing this?"

"I'll take either."

"They hated me," he explained. "That whole team did. In the end, especially."

"Gar didn't... Dick didn't," I took a step forward. "I didn't."

"You never did, huh?" he chuckled. "Always wanted to save me. From Deathstroke, from the team, from myself..."

"How do I stop the bomb, Jason?"

He ignored my question, instead deciding to walk closer to me.

I finally had to tear my eyes away from him. There was something in his eyes that was just too intense for me to continue looking at. I couldn't do it.

I heard Jason chuckle. "Aw, do I still make you nervous?"

He stepped forward, smirking at me. I felt my eyes jumping between his lips and his eyes. I thought I had better self-control than this, but this was Jason. He had a different effect on me than most other people. Even now.

I took a deep breath. "Jason, how do I save Hank?"

"Oh my God!" he rolled his eyes before stepping away from me. "Why do you care about helping him anyways? He treated you like shit!"

I shook my head. "That doesn't mean that I'm gonna let him die."

"Oh, please! You don't care about him!"

"I care about Dawn!"

"Who was more than happy to turn her back on you because Hank told her to?"

"That's not what happened."

"Isn't it?"

I closed my eyes and shook my head, letting my head fall so I was facing the ground. I never liked fighting with Jason. I thought that I would be more willing to now that Hank was in trouble, but Jason was right. Hank treated me like shit. And Dawn did nothing to stop him. God, I hated when Jason was right.

"(Y/n)."

He had walked back over to me at some point. I looked back at his face. I saw his eyes scan every part of my face. It was like he was trying to commit every detail to memory.

Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I think some part of him expected me to pull away. But I couldn't bring myself to do that.

Even after everything had happened, the kisses still felt the same as they had before. Annoyingly right.

I felt a fire burning in my chest. Mostly love but there was this small spark of anger. A spark that being with Jason only encouraged.

He pulled away first. "Stay. With me."

I paused. A million thoughts hit me all at once just because of three words.

"Come on," he pushed. "None of them treat you the way that you should be. None of them value you. Please."

After a few more seconds of hesitation, I leaned forward and kissed him again. I couldn't leave him. Not when I just got him back.

All I wanted now was to do anything I could in the hopes of keeping him.

No matter what that may have meant.

I Like the Way

It's not a lot but it's sweet when it's simple Don't overthink it, just dive in and let go Don't complicate, I like you babe

When Jason and I first became friends, I was in a situation that was eerily similar to his.

Spent a long time with a bad family, fell into what was mostly a bad crowd, and then was taken in by a rich family. The big difference was that I had spent much longer in that rich world than he had.

We had met at some fancy event that I don't remember the purpose of. I didn't really care to find out anymore.

We were fast friends. Telling old stories and comparing our new lives to each other. It was nice.

Being friends with Jason led to a lot of trouble.

When we started dating, there was even more.

For example, him sneaking in through my window.

I spotted the light from the motorcycle through my window. I jumped up and made it over to look out at him. I couldn't see him until he had shut off the bike and made it closer to the house. He waved at me.

I opened the window. I would've yelled down at him, but I knew that would've alerted someone. He climbed up a part of the building to get to my window.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whispered as he pulled himself in through the window, closing it quietly behind him.

"Why are you whispering?" he replied. "Your parents' room is on the opposite side of the house."

"And yet they seem to hear every single thing I say," I shrugged. "You can't be in here."

He chuckled as I pushed him toward the window again. "Then, come with me."

"I can't."

He turned around to face me. He was much closer than I expected him to be. I froze where I was.

He seemed amused about me freezing when he spoke up, "Why? Do I make you nervous?"

He stepped even closer to me. He had this smirk pulling at his lips as he raised an eyebrow at me. I felt ridiculous for how nervous I got around him sometimes. We were already dating. I had no reason to be shy around him anymore. But I couldn't help it. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head, looking away from him for a moment.

"Come on," he pushed. "We both know you have far more fun with me."

He was right. Spending time with him was usually far better than whatever else I had planned.

"Just not tonight, okay?" I replied. "I'm pretty sure they're still pissed about our last night out."

"Fine, fine," he held his hands up. "You owe me."

"Owe you?"

"Yup," he nodded. "You think sneaking out of Wayne Manor is easy."

"Alright, alright," I said. "What do I owe you?"

"A kiss."

I scoffed. "That was... disgustingly cheesy."

"Shut up."

I chuckled before leaning forward to kiss him gently. "Good enough?"

He sighed dramatically. "For now."

Jason finally relented and went to climb back out the window again. I stepped back as he did, looking over at the door to make sure it wasn't open at all.

"Hey," Jason was basically hanging out the window when he spoke up again. I looked at him. "Love you."

I felt my face warm up as I smiled. "Love you too."

Maybe being with Jason brought quite a bit of trouble, but he definitely made it worth it.

weapon

I seem fine But I can't take the highs and the lows All I am is a weapon I shoot 'em down 'til I end up alone

If I hadn't lost my notebook, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have been digging around in Jason's stuff and I wouldn't have found something that I didn't want to see.

Jason had first talked me into following him to San Francisco. Following him back to Gotham after everything went to shit felt natural. I stayed with him in the manor because of a strong blowout fight before I left the first time.

I don't remember how I found it. I feel like I just kind of nudged and stumbled onto it. What I could remember was looking for my notebook one minute and the next, I was holding some oxygen mask with a vial of some green or yellow liquid in it.

I sat and stared at it for a moment. I hadn't heard anything about... whatever that thing was. I turned it over in my hands, looking for any identifying markers.

"What are you doing?"

I froze for a moment when I heard Jason's voice. I took a deep breath. "I was looking for my notebook. Thought I may have thrown it over here."

"That fancy one that Bruce got you?"

"Yeah, that one," I nodded as I stood. "Jason?"

"Yeah?"

I turned around and held up the contraption I had found. "What is this?"

I saw his entire face shift as he saw what was in my hand. It was enough for me to assume it was his.

"What is it, Jason?"

"It's nothing," he replied.

"Jason-"

"Give it back."

"Not until you tell me what it is."

"It... It doesn't matter," he shrugged. "It's none of your business."

"We are a little past that, don't you think?"

"It's nothing!" he insisted. "It's just to help me get back to normal."

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"No more nightmares or fear. I can be Robin again."

"Does Bruce know about this?"

"Why should he?"

"Oh my god," I mumbled.

"I need to be Robin, you know that! I... I can't just be forced to the sidelines! I need to be able to fight and work without all of this shit!"

"I don't give a shit about Robin!"

The tension in the room after that was thick enough to be cut with a knife. I closed my eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at him again.

"I... I care about you, Jason. Not about Robin. You are more than Robin. And you shouldn't need to do... whatever the fuck this is just so Bruce will care about you! If that's the case, then I'm sorry, but he's a piece of shit!"

It was a strong accusation, but one that I had grown more confident in over the course of the last several weeks.

Jason closed his eyes and looked away from me.

I walked over to him, tossing the contraption on the bed as I did. I reached up and cupped the sides of his face. He looked at me again.

"I can't force you to do anything," I said. "I know that. I am just asking you to not do something that'll get you hurt. I want you to be happy, and if being Robin makes you happy, fine. But I don't want you to think that being Robin is the only thing giving you value."

His hands reached up and touched mine, trying to hold them in place. I grinned at him. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine.

"I love you," I mumbled. "I... I need you to know that."

"I love you too," he muttered.

I smiled a little bit wider. That was enough for me for the time being.

-------------------------

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[beloved-daydreams]

Folktober2023 Prompt: "Accidental summoning" 🫢🌿

An attempt by

Hosted by @jurdannetrevels and @jurdannet

📘 1500+ words

😎 Characters: Jude, Cardan

✒️ Tags: Jurdan, wholesome, fluff, "training", cute idiots, post TQON

📢 Summary: Cardan is helping Jude, training her to get a better hang of her powers. She isn’t so successful though, until Cardan tries to take another approach...

✏️✏️✏️

"Try again." Cardan urges me.

The look he's giving me is, I suppose, what he believes to be an encouraging one but all it does is make me even more frustrated. It's not like I don't want to do it, in fact I've done something even more amazing with it before: I’ve saved a life. Two even, if I count mine. Yet standing here, in front of him, fully aware of all of my movements, it's just different. I feel shy and then stupid for feeling shy.

We made a deal. I'll teach him how to wield a sword, he'll teach me how to use my newly acquired powers. He told me it was a bit different from regular magic since we are "linked" to the land, whatever that means, but because he has had magic flowing through him since he was born, getting the hang of this power wasn't that difficult. Me however…

"Listen, maybe I should just… find a teacher who's actually specialized in teaching magic."

Cardan raises his eyebrows at me, a bit vexed I imagine.

"Really? I didn't think I'm quite so bad at teaching that you would need to go look for someone else."

I put my hands on my hips and turn away from him, rolling my eyes. I can't help it. Everything just gets harder in front of Cardan. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed about being incompetent but I don't want him to see that side of me. Which is ridiculous, since he has already seen me on the brink of death. If that isn't the height of incompetence then I don't know what is.

"That's not what I mean. I just think it might be better to learn from someone more skilled, I mean, I'm practically a sword master but you're not especially known for your magical affinity-"

I sneak a glance at him and he has that same look on his face. The raised eyebrows that say: "Oh, so I'm not worthy of teaching you? You think you're so great? That you can teach me but you can't learn anything from me in turn because I'm too untalented for your liking?"

I sigh. Or more like, I force the air out of my nose.

"Okay, no. What I meant is- I feel like we're losing time and maybe both of us would rather do something more productive and efficient. I'm sure you're great, it's just, I'm having trouble with something I've never had. Does that make sense?"

Finally, he lets his eyebrows drop back to their usual place. I feel relieved at having managed to word my thoughts out better. Somehow, we've always been great at misunderstanding each other and I'd like to stop that trend, both of us would actually, I think.

Cardan approaches me, his steps are light but his gaze carries a heaviness I recognize. As I thought, he embraced me from behind, placing his chin up on my head, arms around my waist. Without any resistance, I let him wrap himself around me like a needy pet snake would.

"Time spent with you is never wasted. Do you feel like it's a waste to be with me?"

Finally, he lets his signature move sway me as it always does. His tail that I now find to be an irresistibly cute trait of his, zigzags around my leg.

"...No. I'm just worried you'll get bored of me being unable to do something you've been able to do naturally your whole life."

He chuckles. And I realize again, that for him time isn't as consequent as it is to me. Maybe he's the one more worried of being a waste of time, knowing that my time might be more limited than his.

"You're putting too much pressure on yourself. To channel magic, you need to be in touch with your inner world. To-"

"-materialize the mind and heart into the real world. I know."

I realize I sound bitter, yet I can feel his smile widen. He tilts his head to the side, now resting his cheek on my head.

"Well. Let me guide you entirely then. Give your mind to me, put it under my control."

Putting his possessive tone aside, for a split second I wonder if he means glamoring me and I'm about to remind him that I can't be glamored but he unwraps his arms from around my waist and places them on the sides of my arms, caressing them up and down in a reassuring manner. And then his low and hushed voice makes its way to my ears, I realize that if it's Cardan, he doesn't need to glamor me. His soft-spoken voice and gentle touch would be enough to get almost anything out of me.

"Close your eyes, relax your shoulders… Mh-hm. Good. Do the same for your jaw, don't press your teeth against each other, let them separate. Now feel the earth beneath you, breathe the air that is always full of its pollen…"

That's the voice he uses late at night, when he wants me to get under him or on top of him. I shudder. He keeps telling me to focus on the land. On the trees and leaves ruffling in the wind. Yet all I can feel is him. All I hear and breathe is him.

"You're full of its life. Remember how it healed you? Try to think back to how that felt. When its power flowed through you and you used it to save yourself. And once you're full of it, let it out in any form you want. Flowers. A tree. What is it that you want?"

I think back to that moment. Truth is, when I was dying I was still thinking of him. What saved me wasn't the land alone, it was my memory of him, my hopes of him. My heart speeds, I feel like my lungs are about to burst. Is that the "feeling of being full" he keeps talking about? So now what's left is to supposedly let it out. But how? His question hangs in my mind. "What is it that you want?" As if that wasn't already obvious.

Suddenly, I feel his hands let go of me, his tail untangle from my leg. Cardan lets out a small scream in surprise. Alarmed, I turn back, my hand already on the hilt of my sword by habit. And yet-

Cardan is hanging by vines, supporting him in mid-air. They're around his legs, his arms, they're grabbing him everywhere, curling around his limbs. One of the vines has pulled up his shirt a bit, another might be trying to get into his mouth, or around it. I'm not sure what it's doing but it doesn't look like it wants to hurt him.

I draw my sword and as I'm about to cut the vines, I stop. Wait. So these are actually…

Cardan smirks at me, half proud and half mocking.

"Dear, if you’ve wanted to tie me up all this time, you could've just asked. Those vines are just as solid as your knots, you know?"

My cheeks heat as I look at the scene again more closely, this time with the knowledge that I'm the one who did that.

"Oh I- I didn't mean to."

"Sure you didn't."

Although his words can be branded as sarcasm, the fact that he was able to say them tells me that he actually does believe that I didn't do it on purpose. Or well, not completely consciously. Subconsciously though? Absolutely. Taking in the sight and burning it into my brain, I raise my sword, less assuredly than before but, well, he has to get out of there in some way or another, right?

Yet this time, he's the one who stops me.

"Why don't you try to get me out of here through your thoughts instead of your sword?"

"I-"

I know I won't be able to. Letting go of him? That's not gonna happen.

"Yes?"

By his shit eating grin I can already tell that he knows that I can't. If those vines are a reflection of my inner world or whatever, then I don't think my inner world will ever let Cardan walk out of there even if I tried to push him out. And so I sigh.

"Are you sure you're not just stalling because you want to stay tied up?"

"Well, I'd rather be tied up in bed. Not in the open like thi-"

The vines tighten around him, he groans.

"Okay okay, get me out of here oh High Queen of my soul and heart."

"So dramatic."

I cut the vines with some difficulty, cursing my own attachment to him. And as they fall to the ground along with Cardan who was suspended in mid-air just a second ago, some blue daisies bloom around our feet. I smile.

"What's that? A gift to show your gratitude?"

He looks at me almost dumbfounded then smiles in turn. A kind smile.

"Are you really so unconscious of what you do? I'm not the one who grew these."

I blush.

The flowers multiply and Cardan lets out a laugh.

✏️✏️✏️

Sorry if you expected something more spicy based on the sussy worded summary 🧐 And if you want to decrease the amount of my sad girl hours, please consider leaving comments/tags 💖

[ssa-sapphic]

Pairing: Emily Prentiss × (POC)fem!oc

Previous Chapter: part one

Summary: When the bodies of several women show up all around LA, it's Garcia who aids the team in making the shocking connection that all of the victims look exactly like one of her favorite actresses, Sloan Hudson. Upon making this discovery, the team soon realizes that this famous celebrity might just be the unsub's final target, meaning that she is now in grave danger and needs to be protected. Unfortunately for Emily, her days of being a profiler are soon put on hold when Hotch assigns her to be Sloan's personal bodyguard.

Warnings: Basically all that an episode of Criminal Minds consists of. I don't really know what to specifically list, but if you have any additions or specific triggers, please let me know

Word Count: 4.6k

“Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.” - Marilyn Monroe

“Good morning, everyone!" The talk show host introduced, directing his words to the huge camera lens a few feet away and the small audience sitting behind it. "We’re here with America’s Sweetheart, Sloan Hudson, daughter of the late world-renowned director and Academy Award-winning actor Omar Hudson, and she’s here to catch us up on how life has been treating her over the past year since her father’s passing.”

On the sofa next to him, Sloan sat with her legs crossed and a dazzling smile plastered on her face as she looked out into the crowd filled with many of her adoring fans and supporters.

“So, Ms. Hudson, first and foremost how are you doing?” He asked, politely.

With a glance at her manager, who stood backstage with a pointed look, Sloan swallowed the lump in her throat and addressed the man next to her.

“Well, Jimmy, I’ll admit things were rough the last several months after my father’s accident. Loss isn’t ever an easy thing to experience, and it was difficult picking myself up from such a dark place in my life. However, I knew the impact he left on this world would never be forgotten and in a way, it’s like he’s still a part of me. Of course, I know firsthand that life and the industry itself won’t ever be the same without him, but it’s that idea alone that has motivated me to continue in his footsteps and keep his legacy alive. He helped shape me into the woman and actress I am today and I will always be grateful and honored to share the same passion he had for acting.”

Once again, she looked over to her manager behind the scenes, who was now sending her a nod of approval, almost as if she had doubted Sloan’s capability to remember the simple words written for her on yellow note cards that morning. Did she honestly forget that reading pages and pages of scripts was part of her job?

“Yes, his death certainly shocked all of us who watched his career develop over the years but we’re glad to hear that the Hudson talent won’t be ending so soon,” Jimmy noted solemnly, allowing the audience to clap in encouragement before he moved on to his next question. “I think we’re all looking forward to seeing your career flourish just as much. Speaking of which, I hear you’ve already begun a new project that’s set to hit theaters as early as next summer. Can you tell us a bit about the film and what we can expect to see from you this time around?”

"Unfortunately, I can’t say much,” Sloan smiled apologetically, knowing she’d get in heaps of trouble for disclosing any details while production was still underway. “But I’m excited to introduce my fans to this new character I’m portraying. She’s nothing like the roles I’ve had in the past and I hope she touches their hearts just as much as she has mine. I know you’re all used to seeing me in romantic indie films and the like, but this one is going to be a real emotional and dramatic performance for me and I’m honored to be part of such a brilliant storyline. I can’t wait to see it come to life.”

“That’s amazing!" He exclaimed. "It sounds like maybe this could be your year to take home an award, what do you think?”

With a small chuckle, Sloan suddenly grew bashful as she hid her face behind her hands, while the crowd cooed and awaited her answer. Truth be told, her anxiety crept up on her like a shadow in the night from his question, but within a second, she managed to ground herself and slip her mask back on before addressing his words.

“Well, it’s like the famous painter Van Gogh once stated: I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream. In that same aspect, I don’t know what the future holds for me or if I’ll ever take home an Oscar. All I can say is that I’ve been dreaming of it ever since I was a little girl sitting in my father's director chair, and that drives me to be the best that I can be. We’ll see if that’s good enough.”

“Ah, Miss Hudson, just as humble as ever, huh?” Jimmy smiled at her. He then turned to face the camera. “When we come back we’ll talk more with Sloan and even play a few games with her that are favorites on the show! I’m sure all of you watching at home don’t want to miss it. So, stay tuned and we’ll be back after a quick commercial break.”

On the way out of the studio, lights flashed and shouts erupted as Sloan and her security team rushed through the crowd of paparazzi, journalists, and fans. Quickly they made their way over to the limousine waiting for her in front of the building, but not before being stopped by a woman with a microphone blocking their path.

“Sloan! Is it true you’re dating your costar, Colton Davis!? Are you engaged to him?? Where is he, and why isn’t he here with you!?”

“Who said he’s not here?” A male’s voice cut in, as the dirty-blond himself emerged from the limo and threw an arm around Sloan’s waist. She had to force herself not to cringe away from his touch as his hand lingered far more downward than she’d liked. “I’m always supporting my girl from the sidelines. Isn’t that right, babe?” He turned to her, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips knowing the press would have a field day with it.

But just as his chapped lips neared her freshly glossed ones, she moved her head so that they met her cheek instead. It was an act of nonchalance executed so perfectly and ritualistically, that no one seemed to notice. They never did, and it was one of the few reasons that made having a PR boyfriend manageable. As long as they were seen out and about together, that was all that mattered. The nonexistent kisses and intimacy could happen behind closed doors and away from the public’s knowledge.

Sloan ignored the rest of the questions thrown at her and blew a kiss to her fans before entering the vehicle, where she finally let out the breath she had been holding in since pulling up to the studio just hours ago. Moments like these were when she was thankful for whoever invented tinted windows, or in her case, the acting shields that allowed her to remove her mask completely without the worry of being seen. It was there that she could let her guard down and wipe away the thick layers of makeup caked on her face consisting of nothing but fake smiles and faux happiness.

She looked over to her manager, Vera, who was currently having what looked to be a serious conversation on the phone. The older woman spared a couple of glances her way, a mixture of worry and skepticism clouding her features, but Sloan couldn’t seem to find enough energy in herself to care. It was probably a modeling gig or another interview that fell through.

Cancellations and rain checks were like the end of the world to Vera, but to her, they were the calm between each passing storm. Moments where she could finally rest and step away from the limelight to have a day or week to herself.

Outside the car, she watched Colton wrap up his goodbyes. His proud demeanor and love for himself amused her to the point where she let out a dry laugh. The people out there didn’t care about him at all, and she knew that. They were all there for her and the only reason they gave him the time of day was so they could find out more information about her life. However, he was too blinded by his new rise in fame to see that.

Deep down, she couldn’t blame him though. When her career first set off, she too enjoyed the love and attention, but over the years she soon recognized it all for what it truly was:

Misconception.

With a roll of her eyes, she sat back in the leather seat and pulled her iPod out of her bag. Within seconds, “Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want” by The Smiths flowed through the earbuds she had placed in her ears. Listening to music was her usual way of grounding herself before getting into character, and knowing she was due on set within the hour, she figured the car ride there would be her only time to do so.

The song choice was deliberate, not only because The Smiths were one of her favorite bands, but also because the lyrics resonated with her in more ways than she knew how to explain. As a celebrity, you’d think she had access to everything she ever wanted. Truthfully, however, that was far from the case. There were many things she wasn’t allowed to have, and those specific things just happened to be what her heart desired most in the world.

“Sloan,” Vera called for her attention, having hung up the phone. “Don’t think I didn’t see that kiss with Cole. If you could even call it that.” She muttered the last part. “Remember what we talked about? You need to sell this relationship to get more publicity, and that won’t happen when you’re giving him the cold shoulder right in front of the cameras.”

“I still don’t see why I need a fake relationship.” She muttered. “I mean, I’m literally in the middle of filming a new movie. Isn’t that enough to warrant publicity?”

“That’s what showbiz is all about, you can’t rely on one single project to keep you trending, you know that. Besides, your fans don’t know anything about this movie aside from the cast. There’s not much keeping their attention. This relationship, however, is the key.” Vera exclaimed. “Haven’t you checked your socials? You and Colton are the hottest new couple, everyone and their mom is shipping you two.”

“I just don’t understand why it had to be him.” She mumbled in reply, looking out the window and watching him take a few photos with fans.

“Look,” Her manager sighed. “I know you’re still upset about our talk last week, but this is for the best. What you were asking me could’ve put you at risk for so much backlash and negativity. You’d lose hundreds if not thousands of supporters and that’s not what’s going to skyrocket your career, Sloan. What the people want from you is to see your face plastered on skincare ads telling them the secret to beauty, or on movie posters for upcoming blockbuster hits. I mean, you’re America’s Sweetheart for a reason. The public loves you, just as you are now. Why change that?”

“Seriously?” Sloan asked in disbelief. “Vera, this is just the kind of thing that could tell me who my true supporters are! I don’t care about the fake fans or what people think of me. People constantly come into my life just to end up taking advantage of me or using me for their own gain anyway and I’m so tired of it. For once, I just want someone to love me for who I am, not some false image that you or anybody else is forcing me to be. Why don’t you get that?”

“Because it’s ridiculous,” Vera answered simply. “We’ve worked too hard to get you where you are in this industry, and I won’t have you throwing it all to waste over some happily ever after fantasy that isn’t necessary when people literally throw themselves at you every day.”

With a scoff, Sloan put her earbuds back in. “You know, contrary to what you may believe, having people constantly throw themselves at you or want something from you doesn’t feel as good as you think it does. It makes trusting people impossible.”

“Sloan, come on–”

“No, Vera.” She cut her off. “I’m done with this conversation. If you want me to keep acting like someone I’m not then I’ll do just that. Luckily, for you, I know how to put on a good show.”

With that, she turned the volume on her iPod up to drown out any other remarks Vera threw at her. That, and also to distract herself from the overwhelming thoughts constantly plaguing her about life and adulation. It was all becoming too much, and Sloan just wanted to remember the passion she once felt for acting again. Lately, it felt like she was putting on this never-ending show for the world and she hated it. She felt used, empty, and hopeless. If she knew pursuing her dreams would end up making her sign her life away, she would have chosen a different route. At least then she would know who she was, because nowadays she felt her true self slipping away from her with each passing day, and it was starting to take its toll.

“Agent Hotchner,” The lead detective, Owen Kim, shook his hand. “I can’t thank you and your team enough for coming all this way to help us out.”

“Of course,” Hotch replied, before turning and introducing his team. “These are Agents Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss, Jareau, and Dr. Reid. Our technical analyst Penelope Garica will also be here this evening to help assist. Where are we so far in finding Kayla Shafer?”

“Well she’s now classified as a missing person, so we have her face plastered on the news and her family has orchestrated a search party of their own.” He answered, solemnly. “We’re doing everything we can but I’m afraid we don’t have much to work on. My officers are heading down to the bus stop area in a few minutes though to see if we can find any working surveillance cameras along the route we think she would normally walk.”

“Great. I’ll have my team set up in the conference room and we’ll go from there.” Hotch spoke formally, watching Detective Kim nod and walk off before JJ slipped into his sight next.

“So, how are we going to approach this?” She asked, quietly, knowing they had to be careful with letting more details about the case reach the media with a celebrity possibly being involved.

Hotch sighed as he looked around the precinct, discreetly. “If Garcia was able to connect the pieces from being a fan of Miss Hudson, sooner or later other fans will too. Our priority right now is to work the case like normal until we hear back from her management team. Until then, I want you to call Garcia and work on putting together a list of all of Sloan’s past roles in chronological order so we have a map to base off of. Hopefully, we’ll learn who the unsub’s next targets might be.”

“Got it.” She gave him a quick nod, before stepping aside to make the call.

Once the rest of the team finished setting up, they equally dispersed in pairs to take care of the respective tasks given to them on the jet. Rossi and Reid headed over to the morgue to examine the other bodies while Prentiss and Morgan followed the LAPD officers to the diner where Kayla worked.

Immediately after walking in, they were hit with the fresh smell of burgers and fries wafting through the air as the bustling breakfast hours quickly turned into lunchtime for many customers. Waiters and waitresses scurried about, taking orders and wiping down counters left and right. Derek just managed to move away from a serving tray filled with plates of food coming his way as the family in the booth next to them got served their meals.

“Looks like we came at the worst possible time’,” He commented, removing his sunglasses and trying to look for someone in charge. Or at least, someone who wasn’t too busy enough to talk with them.

“There’s something so nostalgic about vintage diners.” Emily looked around in awe. “During my college years, I worked at one just like this so I could pay for my apartment. There was a jukebox and everything.”

Derek smirked, “And how’d that work out for you?”

“It sucked.” She dry-panned. “But it did give me a whole new level of respect for waitresses.” She added, just as a woman with ginger hair walked up to them.

“Table for two?” She asked, already picking up menus.

“Oh, no ma'am.” Emily politely declined, as she and Derek held up their badges. “We’re actually with the FBI, here to talk about Kayla Schafer. Did you happen to be working with her the night she went missing?”

“Yeah, we were on the same shift.” The girl answered, whose name tag was revealed to be Julie. “But it's like I told those other cops when they came asking this morning, I clocked out early for my hair appointment so I wasn’t here during closing hours. I don’t know if she left with anyone or not.”

“That’s okay,” Emily assured her. “We’re more interested in the hours you two worked together. Do you remember if there was anyone suspicious hanging around either without ordering anything or maybe even after paying?”

“Perhaps all they ordered was coffee, but they still stuck around for hours anyhow,” Derek added.

“I’m sorry, I don’t.” She shook her head. “As you can see, it gets pretty busy in here. Most days I’m so occupied with running back and forth between tables and the kitchen that my mind is elsewhere. I don’t focus too much on who’s ordering what, you know?”

“I understand.” Emily nodded.

“I really wish I could help, but I have to get back to work,” Julie explained, before reaching into the pocket of her apron. “Here, this was Kayla’s notepad she used to take orders. It might not be much help either but if you’re looking for odd customers maybe there’s something in it you can find. Kayla hasn’t been working here for too long and after an incident that occurred her first day, she’d often make notes about customer appearances to help her remember who ordered what.”

“Thank you.” Derek accepted the small notebook. “Can you tell us more about this incident?”

“Oh, it wasn’t anything major.” She dismissed it with a wave of her hand. “Some woman complained that her food wasn’t right and made a big fuss. Just the normal slip-up with orders. Even the most seasoned of us workers still have those days. I don’t remember it much but if she came back after that day, Kayla’s got it jotted down somewhere in that book.”

“Alright, thank you. We’ll let you get back to work.” Emily replied, nodding before she and Derek walked out into the parking lot.

“You think this has something in it?” Derek asked, flipping quickly through the pages to see quick scribbles of dates, food orders, and vague customer descriptions.

“I’m not sure,” Emily answered honestly. “We’ll let Reid take a look at it though. He’ll be able to read it faster than any of us and point out specific characteristics in the handwriting.”

After Derek agreed, the two of them entered the SUV and drove back to the precinct. Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Rossi and Reid were in the middle of examining the bodies of Jessica Dunnings, Rina Mendes, and Sofia Lombardi.

“The toxicology reports indicated that various traces of poison were found in each of the victims,” Spencer recalled, his hands gloved up as he leaned closer to Rina’s body. “Have you found out what they are yet?”

The M.E. in charge nodded, picking up his clipboard and reading the report. “We found white powdery residue in each of their nasal passageways which the lab identified as cyanide salt, so we believe they inhaled some sort of potassium cyanide prior to their deaths.”

“Most likely how our unsub abducts them,” Rossi noted, standing over the body as well. “They become dizzy, confused, and end up unconscious right there at the scene. Blitz attack.”

“Initially that was all we had discovered,” The examiner continued. “But after closer inspection, we found neurotoxins in the flesh of their hands consistent with aconite and mesaconitine as well.”

“Aconite and mesaconitine,” Spencer repeated, deep in thought as he lifted Rina’s lifeless hands to observe her palms. “The flowers each victim was holding when they were found were purple. I couldn’t get a decent look at the shape of the petals in the files but now after learning that I’m almost certain that it was Aconitum. Also known as wolfsbane.”

“You’d be correct.” He replied, handing Rossi the full report. “Each of them had signs of respiratory distress, which can happen when the neurotoxins of the plant absorb through the skin. It’s why in the crime scene photos there was no blood around the stab wounds. Cardiac arrest is what caused their deaths, the stabbing was inflicted post-mortem.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Rossi frowned. “How did the unsub have time to do all this at the disposal site? And what reason did they keep each girl for when there are no signs of torture or assault?”

“That’s another thing,” He went on. “When I checked for defensive wounds, I noticed that all three bodies had their nails neatly trimmed, and their hair was freshly washed. Not only that but their torsos had markings embedded in the skin from around their waist and up towards the chest region. Most likely from a corset or restraint of some sort.”

That piece of news instantly made the two agents look at each other knowingly. Perhaps their original theory of the case relating to Snow White might not be as far off as they thought.

Once the team regrouped at the station and exchanged all of the new information they discovered, by that time Garcia was able to get in contact with Sloan’s management team. Unfortunately, they only had a small window to meet with Vera, but hopefully, it would give them enough time to convince her that Sloan needed to up her security and answer some questions that they had.

To keep things hush, only Hotch, Prentiss, and Morgan went to meet with her, while JJ drove to LAX to pick up Garcia (who was bummed out she wouldn’t be meeting Sloan herself). Spencer, on the other hand, stayed back to look through Kayla’s notebook with Rossi assisting him.

“Always a first for everything,” Emily spoke up, as the three of them pulled into the Hollywood lot location where filming was currently underway. Trailers were set up in rows all around, and crew members roamed about with several large pieces of equipment and props, making it hard for them to find a parking space.

Hotch furrowed his eyebrows as he scanned the lot, “Vera said to meet her in trailer seven, does anyone see it?”

“Over there,” Derek pointed out, motioning to the right.

Hotch nodded and maneuvered the car over in that direction. Finally, after finding an open spot, the three agents stepped out into the blazing heat of Los Angeles and walked over to the trailer.

“I want you two to scope out the trailer as I talk to Vera.” Hotch directed them as they neared the entryway. “Look for any signs of fanmail lying about or over-the-top gifts. If our unsub truly is obsessed with Ms. Hudson they no doubt attempted to contact her more than once.”

“How do we know for sure it isn’t Sloan herself committing these murders?” Derek wondered aloud. “I mean, we agreed that the crime scene photos depicted to be the clean work of a female. It wouldn’t be our first celebrity unsub case like that either. Remember Jonny McHale, the comic-book artist?”

“Let me stop you right there.” A new voice cut into their conversation, making each of them turn their heads.

An older blonde woman stood behind them with her arms crossed, looking at them with a mixture of impatience and skepticism laced in her features.

“Sloan has been working endlessly on this new movie, and in between set hours and resting she has had other bookings to attend to where she’s constantly followed by fans and paparazzi. That girl wouldn’t have time to kill anybody even if she wanted to.” Vera argued, defensively. “Now, I took the time out of my busy day to talk with you agents but I will not stand here and allow you to accuse her of murder. I’m sure you’d run right to the press with it and have it be the headliner for tomorrow’s paper.”

“My apologies, Ma’am,” Derek replied. “I’m just trying to make sure all possibilities are covered.”

The woman scoffed but said nothing as she quickly opened the trailer door and ushered them in before they were seen. After closing the door, she led them to the small living space at the end of the trailer and sat down on one of the cushioned chairs motioning for Hotch to sit on the adjacent one.

“You guys have 20 minutes before the cast is dismissed for the day,” Vera sighed, as she texted away on her cell phone. “What’s this about a bunch of killings related to Sloan?”

Emily fought the urge to roll her eyes at her blatant nonchalance, as Hotch introduced everyone and started diving into the case findings with her. She and Derek, however, took that as their cue to wander around the place looking for clues.

There wasn’t much to the eye besides the luxurious furniture and interior design elements. Still, Emily’s eyes landed on what looked to be a black notebook or journal sitting on the small table in the dinette. It was bound in leather and had gold letters imprinted on the cover that spelled out “HUDSON” in cursive. Inside the journal, she saw a white envelope poking out and wondered if it was fanmail or something more personal.

Though curiosity tempted her to read it, she ultimately decided to leave it be and ask questions later, not wanting to leave a bad impression if Vera had caught her snooping. However, when she averted her gaze over to the counter across the way, what she saw next certainly piqued her interest even more. A fresh bouquet of purple flowers rested in a vase by the sink, with the gifting tag still attached to it.

At the sight, Emily walked over and picked up the tag with her glove, but unfortunately, no name was listed. It was completely blank. She was about to call out to Vera and ask if she knew who delivered them but before she could, the trailer door creaked open, and Sloan herself emerged from outside with a look of surprise.

Emily’s breath nearly caught in her throat when she locked eyes with the young actress standing just a few feet away. Instantly, she was hit with flashbacks from the night before when she was watching one of Sloan’s movies with JJ and Garcia. Yet, Emily couldn’t remember a single scene that did the girl justice in terms of her beauty and physical essence. For one thing, her eyes seemed much more warm and vibrant in person. Whatever filters and color editing were added in the film completely dimmed the natural glow radiating behind her false lashes. She could only describe them as golden pools of honey hypnotizing her in the very spot she stood. Unable to look away, all she could do was stare in a trance as Sloan studied her back with furrowed eyebrows.

Though her presence was quite alluring, Emily was soon brought back to reality by the repellent attitude in Sloan’s voice as she slammed the trailer door closed behind her.

“Who the hell are you?”

A/N: hope you liked this chapter! drop a comment and let me know your thoughts if you enjoyed :) also let me know if you want to be tagged whenever a new chapter is posted! thanks for reading <3

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Captain Marvel: Part Ten

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.4k

Warnings: canon violence and angst

Author’s Note: For the sake of the rewrite, Howard and Maria Stark dies on December 16, 1997 instead of 1991. Tony is 23 when they die.

x

Maria knows she has to do this with her best friend, so she calls her parents over to take care of her daughter. Maria tries to come up with an excuse as to why she's asking this, and you and Carol are off to the side with Monica.

"Your Mom's lucky. When they were handing out kids, they gave her the toughest one. Lieutenant Trouble," Carol smiles.

"You remembered!"

Carol had a whole life here without you, and seeing her with her other family gives you joy, but it also brings you pain when you think of how she was taken and the fact that she was taken in the first place.

"Is that mine?" Carol asks, noticing the jacket sitting on Monica's lap. The little girl starts to hand it over, but your girlfriend protests. "Oh, no. You hang onto it until I come back. There is something that I need your help with. I can't wear these Kree colors anymore, and since you're obviously the only person around here with any sense of style, why don't you give me a makeover?"

Carol stands and presses a few buttons on her wrist device that changes the colors of her outfit. Monica reaches over to try and goes through possible combinations such as bright red and grey stripes, orange, blue and yellow, black with neon stripes, and white with green stripes. None of them are the one until Carol sees the outfit Monica is wearing.

Red, blue, and gold.

"Well, since we're on the same team, why not those colors?" 

Monica messes with the device once more, and Carol's suit changes to red and blue with a gold star on the front. This is it. This is the suit and colors that best suit her. She kind of reminds you of Steve when he got his suit, but you push back those painful memories of your best friend.

"How do I look?"

"Fresh," Monica smiles.

"We need to get going. Yon-Rogg will be here soon," you say.

Carol and Monica say their final goodbyes before everyone boards the big aircraft. Talos' science guy stays behind to pretend to be Carol to stall Yon-Rogg for however long. He knows he's going to die when he figures it out, but he's willing to risk his life if it means Talos gets home safe.

Since you're such a terrible pilot, Maria and Carol are at the front while you, Fury, Talos, and Goose are in the back. Fury is petting and comforting the animal while Talos stares at him with horror in his eyes.

"You know, you really shouldn't have that thing on your lap."

"Our little alliance with you is tenuous at best. As long as she continues to freak you out," Fury picks up the cat and shoves her in Talos' face, and the Skrull jerks back in fear, "like that, I'm gonna keep giving her all the love and hugs she needs, right?"

"Can I ask you two something?" Maria asks the two shapeshifters on board. "Do you just turn into anything you want?"

"I have to see it first."

"Those are my rules as well."

"Can you all do it?"

"Physiologically, yeah, but it takes practice and dare I say it, talent to do it well."

"Maria, I wasn't born like this. I was given a serum that gave me these powers, so there is only one of me."

"Can you turn into a cat?" Fury asks Talos.

"What's a cat?"

"That's a cat," you point to Goose. 

"That's not a cat."

"What about a filing cabinet?" Maria asks. 

"Why would I turn into a filing cabinet?"

"I don't know about the Skrulls, but I can only turn into living creatures no matter how small or the kind of species. If it's alive, I can turn into them."

"What else can you do?"

"Well, apart from shapeshifting, I am able to control the four main elements. Whatever you want to call it, I can do a lot of pretty awesome stuff."

"A venus fly trap!" Fury exclaims, still on the topic of shifting into things. "I'll give you $50 right now if you turn into a Venus fly trap."

"Switching engines from Scramjet to fusion. Buckle up, folks," Carol advises.

Everyone buckles up in case something goes wrong, and Carol lurches forward at high speeds. Due to the severe altitude, everyone is pushed back into their seats. The plane jerks like how a commercial airplane would.

"Is this normal? Like space turbulence?" Fury asks.

"Pretty much," Carol answers.

Talos grabs Fury's attention and shakes his head to say that this isn't normal. The plane continues to fly upward, and as soon as the plane reaches just outside Earth's atmosphere, the plane stops producing the flames needed in order to fly. Everything inside the plane starts floating due to the lack of gravity. Yours, Carol's, and Maria's hair float along with a few pens that weren't locked down. If you hadn't buckled in when you did, you too, would be floating in mid-air. Similarly, Goose is floating upside down until Fury extends his arm, which Goose eagerly grabs onto. Then, Maria flicks a switch and gravity suddenly turns on inside the plane.

"Locking in the coordinate grid," Carol announces.

However, the only thing in front of you is an empty pad of space. Maybe the coordinates are wrong or maybe the lab moved because it's not here anymore. 

"Where is it?"

"It's here. It's gotta be here," Talos panics. 

"Is it in front of all that nothing or behind it?" Fury asks sarcastically.

There has to be some reason why the coordinates led you to this empty space. Carol presses some buttons on her wrist device, and the process of decloaking begins. If this is where the coordinates are, and there is nothing here, then it must be invisible.

"Decloaking activated," the computer chirps.

Suddenly, a bright light appears from the empty space, and a massive laboratory becomes visible. The title "Mar-Vell's Laboratory, Kree Imperial Cruiser" appears on the screen inside the spaceship. Carol flies closer to the laboratory only to realize there's a loading dock for incoming ships. Once secured inside, you five leave the ship in curiosity.

"Are we alone?" you ask when you walk into the main room. Across the room is the Tesseract connected to a big machine, and you walk closer to it with tears in your eyes. This is what you've been waiting for for almost one hundred centuries. "I can't believe after all this time, it's been here. I thought this was in the ocean."

"Is that it? The core?" Maria asks. 

"In her notes, she called it the Tesseract."

"This thing made me who I am today. This thing gave me my powers. This thing has been a pain in my ass this whole time!" you yell.

"It's okay," Carol whisper and puts her hand on your shoulder for comfort. 

"No, it's not okay, Carol. This thing needs to be destroyed. All this thing is going to cause is pain."

Carol understands where you were coming from, but in order to understand its power, it needed to be saved. She grabs the cube and throws it in the air only to catch it like it was a fucking baseball and not a killing machine. This thing killed your best friend and boyfriend. 

"Whoa. What was Lawson doing with all this kid stuff?" Maria asks and picks up a metal lunchbox.

Carol takes it from her, places the Tesseract inside, and locks it. You look around and take in your surroundings. There is something about this place, something off. On the glass table near the corner of the room is a mug with steaming hot tea in it.

You aren't alone.

"We're not alone."

Talos begins to sing loudly in his native tongue, and a swarm of scared Skrulls appears from their hiding places. An older one into the arms of Talos. If you had to assume, you'd guess that she is his wife, girlfriend, or sibling. 

"Talos!" 

"Soren," he sighs and hugs her tightly. 

"He didn't come for the Tesseract." Soren calls forth a child, probably her own, and the child makes herself known willingly. Talos leans down to get a better look at the child with a huge smile on his face. "This is his family."

"We didn't know what to do. Mar-Vell warned us not to send a signal for any reason or the Kree would find us," Soren explains painfully.

"You did the right thing," Talos whispers.

When the excitement of the family reunion wears off, Soren notices the group Talos came in with. She grabs her child and holds her protectively, even when Talos calms her down.

"It's okay, it's okay. She's alright. She's a friend. They all are."

"I'm not gonna hurt you. We're not going to hurt you," Carol says.

"They led me to you."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"If only I had known," you sniffle.

"Carol, Y/N, this is war. My hands are filthy from it, too, but we're here now. You two found my family. This is just the beginning. There are thousands of us separated from each other. Scattered throughout the galaxy."

Another Skrull child approaches Carol once she knows it's safe and took her hand. She directs her over to a pinball machine in the corner. The child points to the high score in glowing lights and points to herself to say she won that many points.

"If I played the same pinball machine for six years I'd have some high scores too," Fury comments.

Suddenly, the doors to the lab open and Yon-Rogg and his team march through with determination. Upon seeing the Kree, Fury draws his gun but Minn-Erva already had hers directed at him. She gestures to him to drop it and he has no choice but to listen. Talos put his family behind him but Yon-Rogg couldn't care less about them right now. No, he's only interested in you and Carol. Seeing his bitch-ass face makes you see red, and your eyes shine red like fire as your hands glow the same color.

"Fraternizing with the enemy? Don't be stupid, Y/N, you'll kill everyone here," he points out. It's true. If you used your powers, you'll blow this entire ship to pieces. "What did you do to your uniform?"

"They got in her head. Just like we thought," Minn-Erica says. 

"Oh, shut it, bitch," you growl.

"The Supreme Intelligence will set her straight," Korath says. 

"You can see they're not soldiers, let them go. You can have me," Talos tries negotiating.

"And the core?"

"You lied to me," Carol glares. 

"I made you a better version of yourself. What's given can be taken away," Yon-Rogg grins.

Carol tries as hard as she can to light up her fists, but they shortened out as if someone is controlling her powers from a distance. You notice something on her neck, something like a small device that is suppressing her powers. She doesn't know it's there or else she'd have taken it off a long time ago.

You turn to the other Kree and give them a malicious grin.

"I may not be able to use my fire power, but I have other ones."

The air around all of the Kree's heads begins to thin out while the air in the room stays the same. If they can't breathe, they can't fight. All of them gasp for air and fall to the ground, and you have to hold back your laughter. You're too busy focusing on them that you don't see Yon-Rogg sneak up behind you. He stabs something in the back of your neck, eliminating your powers for the moment.

"I've been waiting for this moment since I first saw you," he whispers.

He turns the device on and sends shockwaves down your body. With both you and Carol out of commission, the Kree can finally get what they came here to get.

When you wake up, you're not in Mar-Vell's ship anymore. No, you're in an all too familiar room with endless glossy floors and lights that descend from above. The man with jet-black hair stands in the middle of the room. Why does he look so familiar? When you think back to where you might know him, your head gets fuzzy and you get the worst headache ever.

Someone or something removed those memories from your head.

"There she is. I've got to say, I'm quite disappointed in you," the Supreme Intelligence says.

"There is no honor. The promise you made to me about honor and responsibilities is all a lie."

"Despite that, you performed well. You got us to the enemy. Thanks to you and jazz hands, those insidious shapeshifters will threaten our borders no more."

"I can't believe I ever thought the Kree would have the ability to change their ways. You're just as bad as Ronan. The Skrulls are just fighting for a home. You want to destroy them for what? Not submitting to your rules? Well, Carol and I won't do it."

You run at the man to attack him, but you go flying into the wall behind you with a flick of his wrist. You stick to the wall like glue so you're not going anywhere.

"It's cute how hard you try," he chuckles. "We needed you on this mission so you could lead us to the Tesseract. The power inside your veins wouldn't allow you to stay away. Plus, it is what you were looking for, yeah? You want to learn more about who you are and what Markus put into your body."

"How do you know about Markus?"

You slide through the sticky wall and come out on the other side where you can watch your memories play back in front of you.

"We know more than you think."

Each memory is of when Markus put you through each element trial. Through it all, the evil look on Markus' face never went away.

"You're no better than him," you turn to face the Supreme Intelligence.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Okay, you're done with this shit. You need to escape or else he will keep you here for as long as he wants. You need to escape if you want to help the Skrulls win this war.

"Do you know what the difference between me and Carol is?" The fire within you heats up slowly, and your skin glows with the embers of a thousand fires. "You've been able to control her through the device you slapped on her neck, am I right? Well, news flash, bitch, you can't control me."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[officialpenisenvy]

no preferences for media/ships, just wanted to see how such dynamics unfold in works an Aficionado & Expert™ would award their seal of quality to 🥰

okay so this is mostly jjk with two. sigh. notable exceptions. im SURE there's some works i missed but unfortunately ao3 doesn't let you sort your history by tags so you will have to forgive me for that 😔

black sheep, green pastures is a family drama about the fallout from an alpha teenager going into unexpected heat and raping his kid brother. it's genuinely a masterpiece and the omegaverse element is very understated, it's not in-your-face at all but it works to accentuate and deepen the already complex themes the fic tackles.

one good thing is a blessing is a bodice ripper set in the edo period, as an alpha outlaw meets a pregnant omega on the run from his clan and helps him escape. it's my golden standard for well-written a/b/o longfics, and it's definitely a fic for the omegaverse fans, featuring many common tropes and lore elements that blend seamlessly with the historical setting to create a fun and romantic story that is a great intro to the average omegaverse.

honey drop is an abandoned longfic about a young alpha man who finds himself adopting an omega-to-be young child and grooming him into compliance. it's very heavy on the omegaverse, and it's a very uncomfortable read at times, but to me that only adds to the story being told, which is very self-aware about its own darkness despite being cloaked in sweet possessiveness (also worth noting that they don't have sex in the fic, the author abandoned it just before that narrative beat).

ripe is a very dark and short fic about an alpha man taking advantage of his child ward's heat, brought on early due to the boy having been molested by his father in the past. the omegaverse here is more of a pretense, an excuse for the horrific and mundane abuse more than anything; i really love the way it's written, it's incredibly evocative and the author always writes the point of view of the rapist with staggering accuracy (if you like fics where gojo is a disgusting creep you will love this author).

this heart, pierced by a sword is an insane star wars prequel fic where alpha child anakin is the antichrist and obi-wan is his mother mary. it's fucking crazy and weird and lowkey disturbing and well-written enough to keep you hooked for 30k words and also palpatine is there. go read this especially if you've watched the prequels or are in the star wars fandom. it's fucking batshit

the omegas will play is a fun and simple smut fic about two omega best friends fagging out in front of their alphas. it's very uncomplicated and it doesn't explore much of anything (though it has some interesting tidbits such as an omega with an alpha complex), the sex is decent, this foursome dynamic is quite fun to read and it's a trashy indulgence of mine.

head above the water is. sigh. an attack on titan omegaverse fic which has unfortunately grabbed me by my heaaart with its dirty claws. it's about a troubled alpha boy whose father is sexually abusing his younger omega stepbrother and if anything about that premise sounds appealing to you i promise it's not worth reading it. it's not well written at all (though it's by far not the worst fanfiction prose out there) and the omegaverse tropes are present to the point of being overbearing and cloying. to me it's camp but i understand that not everyone can share my delicate sensibilities. i read this out of morbid curiosity and it ruined my life so don't read this unless you're also ready for that or at least for a very bad fic. im only including this out of intellectual honesty lord have mercy on me.

yeah that should be about it as far as omegaverse fic recs. obviously i have read a lot more i probably have read them in the hundreds. however most of them are VERY badly-written and not particularly compelling. they're still great to jerk off to if you're like me and get turned on by a light breeze but definitely not worth examining out of intellectual curiosity. this is like a cream of the crop from my personal omegaverse history. hope you enjoy ❤️

[moon-quq]

Arataki Itto × Male!Reader

This was a request from a dear friend of mine, hope you enjoy! Guys don't forget I do take requests, I will deny them though if I don't know the character. Feel free to ask! Enjoy le smut <3

Warnings: Degradation, CNC, Itto is an asshole in this fanfic universe.

" Y/N go put the extra empty crates away, we need to clear the area before the rush in the evening. " Some burly dude with a mustache barked towards you, making you cringe externally but did as you were told none the less. The crates themselves were honestly light as shit since they were empty so you didn't complain much, not until you got to the dumpster area behind the tavern where someone you'd seen all too much was digging through garbage. " Kiro why are you digging in the trash again! I've told you that you cannot do that here.. If my boss catches you he will have both of our heads and you know I need this job! " Your voice wavered, shuddering at the fear of what could happen if you didn't get enough money to pay him back.

" I-im sorry Y/N I just really.. wanted some food and I know Mr Tab likes to waste a lot so I hopped I'd find some.. " Kiro whispered, her face slowly starting to fall while tears starting pooling at the corners of her eyes. You couldn't deny she was like a younger sister, but you hardly knew her at the same time. " Go on, get out of here. I've got to get back inside before Tabs complains again. " You could tell she didn't want to leave, the inner battles in the younger girls brain were arguing against her better judgement. " Hey, meet me at our usual place later, I'll get you some food,, okay? " You spoke softly in an attempt to comfort her which seemed to work almost instantly as she quickly nodded and ran back off, leaving you to chuck the crates and run back towards the tavern.

Backstory ➜

You grew up an orphan in Inazuma, always having to fight your way up the ladder for any sort of food, clothing, housing.. That was until you met the Oni named Arataki Itto. He and his gang offered to help you, in turn you do work for them,, this work however came with a contract that you consent you anything they tell you or do. You being the naive young adult you were agreed and just as your stupidity did, it got you into trouble.. Somehow you had managed to loose over 2 million Mora,, that belonged to the gang. So they made you swear to work your ass off to get it back or their would be consequences.

Present Time ➜

You had managed to collect half of the Mora you owed within a year and a half, working day in and day out for anything and anyone, no matter the price or sense in the job. The day you came to visit Itto and deliver the portion you had collected it was eerily quiet among the group, Itto was waiting in his room of the buildings while the others stared you down.

By the time you had reached the room itself you were absolutely terrified, scared and worried for what was going to be said. " I already know you are there. " Itto called, signaling that you could just step right in, the room smelt of flowers mixed with dirt and musk, it was pleasant in a sense but also weird for a man like Itto. " I brought the half I've collected, I still have to get the rest but I will I swear to it! " You shouted, standing as straight as you could while staring straight forward. The low rumbling of Ittos laugh however made you gulp. " I don't want the Mora anymore. I'll take the half and something else. " His frame that once was sat in his cozy chair was now stood directly infront of you, his height scary compared to you. " W.. what else could you want Itto? " You were terrified was an understatement,, the way the Onis eyes were dark but still had a red glare to them alone had you wanting to run for your life. " I want you. "

Time seemed to stop at his words, the adrenaline and fear in your body surged you to turn and run towards the door but he was too quick.. So easily dragging you back by your hips to press into his chest,, the feeling of his breath fanning down your neck had you whining to be set free. " Please.. anything but this- " You sobbed, hoping this was all a bad dream. " You consented anything could be done or told to you, And I've had my eye on you for a long.. time, so I'm going to have you. Here, and now whether you like it or not. You're mine Y/N. " Itto growled against your ear, causing a twitch within your trousers as well as a whine to escape your lips. " N-no. Get off me Itto. "

He was stronger in every way,, height, muscle, thoughts, will.. everything about him over powered you as you were pushed to kneel in doggy on the floor. " I won't hurt you too much.. Just have to ingrain in your mind and body that this.. is mine. " He purred, groping your ass before giving it a harsh smack that made you involuntarily moan out his name. " Oh? You like that puppy~? You like when I manhandle you like my own personal.. cumdump? " His degrading words left you speechless,, your fear being replaced by arousal as you felt your own cock pressing against your pants. " Itto.. " Your voice was quiet, so quiet in fact he didn't hear you at first until he had ripped your pants and shirt off in one swoop of his hand. " ITTO! " You whined loudly, turning over onto your back whilst your hands covered your aching cock. " Ah ah ah.. cmon pretty boy, show me that cock of yours.. " He cooed, tracing his hand along your thighs up to your hands before grabbing and removing them himself.. And by the gods the view of your scared shaking figure sprawled on the floor before him with an aching leaking cock all because of him was an absolute thrill that he couldn't get enough of. " Oh I'm going to ruin you. " Your body was now yanked upwards to sit on the kneeling Onis lap, the obvious buldge pressing against you making you whimper yet again whilst looking up into his eyes. " Do you want to do it yourself or do I have to? " Being given the option you quickly went with the first,, now reaching beneath you to push his clothes down enough to free his cock that sprang up happily to greet your puckered hole almost perfectly.. You knew you had no lubrication so this was going to hurt.. but you also couldn't deny and run away. " Hah! You thought! " He laughed before ramming upwards to sheeth himself in you in one go,, your eyes instantly rolled to the back of your head whilst you clawed at his shoulders. He wasted no time in letting you adjust, no time in letting you get your bearings before he was holding you up by your thighs to ram deep within you like a feral animal.. It hurt but felt so fucking good at the same time that you couldn't resist moaning his name like a filthy prayer. " That's right.. say my name, scream who you belong to slut. " He growled out against your throat, biting down harshly onto your shoulder while continuing to piston into you chasing his own high. " Ngh! IM G-gonna cum if you keep, doing t-that.. FUCK! ITTOOO~!! " Your cries fell on deaf ears,, no one was going to save you. With one last cry of his name your own release slammed into you,, your cum shooting out to land on his and your chest but he kept going.. until he started panting heavily against your ear. " fuck- Gunna breed that ass,, shit you feel so fucking good. " He slurred, thrusting balls deep before releasing his load inside of you., the warmth alone filling your body leaving you a crying, shuddering, whimpering mess in his arms.

" Told ya~.. You are mine. " You couldn't even bring yourself to respond,, or even think for that matter as your eyes fell closed and you drifted off in his arms,, cockwarming him into your sleep. " Don't worry pup, we'll have plenty more fun.. "

[katastrosxd]

Always on the run

@flashfictionfridayofficial

   Fear holds me back. Because of it, I didn't allow myself many things. I didn't allow you to follow my dreams. I didn't allow myself to be myself and that's why I don't identify with the “me” that I show to other people. Sometimes even the “me” that I show to myself seem false to me. That's why I often feel like a fake.

  I have a very brave friend. This friend encouraged me to overcome my fears and be more disciplined. As much as he is only in my mind, he is a friend more real than most of the friendships I have today.

  You must imagine that I’m quite a lonely person... You guessed right. I haven't managed to cultivate many friendships during my life and I haven't allowed myself to be sincere in most of them... But not with this friend of mine. After all, how do you pretend to someone who knows everything you're thinking?

We've been friends since I was a kid. “We have” more or less the same age and, in a way, we matured together. Incredible as it may seem, we disagree many times, but it is not easy to undo this friendship. We already had a big fight, but not even that was able to undo that bond.

  One day he alerted me: that I am not following the path I should have followed. He understands that the choice is mine, but he felt, or rather, he knew that I’d be in a lot of trouble in the future if I don't give up on this idea and dedicate myself to my projects again.

But as I said, fear holds me back. Fear has the unbearable habit of forcing me to do things I don't want to and paralyzing me when trying to do the things I really want. I had a fight with my friend and said that he wanted me to remain stagnant as usual. I didn't recognize myself in that fight, nor did I recognize my friend, because he, in the greatest calm in the world, something that is not very normal to happen, said that he understood my revolt and understood if I wanted to get away from him to think about something.

That's what happened and months went by. Not because I was still irritated with him, but because of the tasks that were given to me during that period. And I must say that as time passed I felt like a fake for a lot longer than I did before I walked down that road. Fear continued to make me camouflage who I really was to the people I came to know and the demands of everyday life only made the situation worse. Not to mention that masking who I really am can be unbearable over time. I really wasn't where I was supposed to be.

After not being productive and not fulfill the demands, I went into a state of shock. I got home after another tiring day paralyzed and nothing could make me leave that prison. Fear managed to trap me once more and there was no escaping it. I was isolated in my room for a long time. My relatives often knocked on the door to find out what was going on, but I always replied that I wanted to be alone and after many insistences I decided to lock the bedroom door and continue in that hell.

I decided to write what I was feeling to free myself and when I tried to get my diary, which was in a place that was difficult to access after not writing in it for so long, I came across many objects from the past. Many writings, extremely personal drawings... They were a mix of plans and promises that I hadn't been able to keep. Soon nostalgia came to the surface with a mixture of frustration, but even though I didn't know why, I decided to keep looking at all that.

  If my friend appeared out of nowhere after that? No. That was a moment of silence. In the end, I wrote in the diary:

“I realized that I don't know myself and that I'm even less able to forgive the bad things I've done and the good things I've stopped doing. However, I want to change that and end this bad feeling I feel right now. My friend, if you're wandering through my mind, know that I really need your help. You were right and I didn't admit it at the right time. I know I have your forgiveness, but it is myself that I most need to forgive and be forgiven. I know there is no easy solution to my problem, I just want to feel better. But maybe I deserve to go through that pain.”

“Fear holds you back, but it doesn't always have to be like that.”

"I just want to know what to do..." I said.

“I don't have that answer, but you do and you're refusing to hear it. Fear doesn't have that answer and will never allow you to have it because it wants you not to know that to keep you imprisoned.

 “Deep down you know what you have to do, you just don't know how to do it. Besides, you also know that I'm here for any situation, don't you?”

 I agreed and kept thinking about those words. Of course, things didn't change overnight and it took me a while to feel confident, but that moment of reflection was something very meaningful for me. I am immensely grateful for having this friendship, but I hope that in the future I will not be so alone anymore.

  Fear doesn't have to stop me forever.

[yanderes-galore]

Halloween Event! 🎃🎃 Jack (Bioshock) saving his Darling from some splicers with the prompt S-2?

Just your typical gore fic of mine for Halloween.

Prompt Found Here

Yandere! Jack Prompt S-2

(Halloween Event - Brutality)

Pairing: Romantic

S-2: "Is this okay? Did I do well?"

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Murder, Mass murder, Grotesque descriptions, Stalking, Blood, Overprotective behavior, Somewhat forced relationship.

Murder in Rapture was nothing new. When you get a bunch of people hungry for Civil War and drugs, there's bound to be violence. Seeing blood mixed with the sea water on the floors of this sinking city was not an uncommon occurence.

It's just, for you, seeing it up so close still unnerves you. Your were no sick monster. You still had a clear idea of what was wrong, and what was right.

Self-defense was necessary, yet you still find yourself shaking and hesitant to harm another. It was needed... you just wished life could've been better.

Allies were also hard to find. Which is why when you found Jack, you weren't ready to trust him. He did end up proving his worth through strength, however.

Jack had a similar goal to you, to leave this place as there was nothing left here for any sane person. He was also well equipped with weapons and plasmids. He was good to have around for both the company and protection.

You got along well. Rapture didn't feel as difficult to traverse as before when you had someone. It was nice to have someone to trust.

Although... you never knew his full strength-

The only time you left your companion was when he started to act weird. Overprotective and twitchy was what you could described it. He refused to leave you be even if you wished to be alone.

You got answers as to why later.

"I know this may not be the time... but I have something to tell you."

"Yeah, Jack?"

"... I love you. I'm not sure what I'd ever do without you."

"This is so sudden, Jack-"

"I want to keep you safe. So, please... won't you stay with me?"

"I'll need time to think about it...."

"Please...? I promise I'll keep you out of harm's way!"

"Just let me think, please."

That's when you parted ways from him to clear your head. He was very intense with his feelings towards you. His suffocating behavior was great to get away from, even if it landed you in trouble.

Splicers were a rampant problem in Rapture. They were people so addicted to splicing their DNA they became monsters. Deadly monsters with the power of plasmids at their fingertips-

You normally kept away from them. They could be avoided by stealth, except for this time...

"Well look at this one!"

"I want to burn them!"

"I'll tear at their flesh...."

You always kept a revolver on you, but with this many you weren't sure how successful your attempts at dispatching them would be.

Then he came.

Announcing his presence in a blaze of electricity and flames, Jack had made his presence known. It appears he never truly left you alone. Even now he watched you longingly because he cared.

The resulting fight was brutal.

Blood caked the area. The smell of burning flesh makes you nauseous. No amount of therapy could make you forget the buzzing of electricity and the screams.

Rapture was always like this, wasn't it? Then why were you so affected by it? Was it because of Jack?

Did the fact it was Jack, someone you trusted yet argued with before, did all this that bothered you?

You were thankful he saved you. Even if he was covered in blood, eyes a cold glare, you were thankful. You just wished the area didn't smell of burning corpses, and you hoped you didn't hear what he said correctly when he killed all those splicers-

"Don't touch (Y/N), scum..."

You wanted to think of Jack as a gentleman, someone who wasn't a cold murderer. You were left on your knees in the room, shocked to your core. When he rushed over to you, you resisted the urge to flinch away due to him scaring you.

"(Y/N)! There you are, I'm so sorry..."

He kneels to you, offering to help you up. Hesitantly you accept and stand up with him.

"Is this okay? Did I do well?"

You were so nervous to answer. You couldn't shake the brutality of what he's done. Even if it was for your safety, you'll never forget it.

"... yes. Yes you did-"

You croak out, shaken. Jack pulls you close, pressing your head to his chest while rubbing your back.

"I know, I know... it was scary. This is why you need me, isn't it?"

You don't respond, only letting him rub your back.

"Don't worry..."

He smiles, pressing his lips to your forehead.

"I won't ever leave you again."

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

I don't like ranking autism in any way but especially in general tiers and let me explain why.

So I'm what people would generally agree is a "tier one" autistic. I'm diagnosed, and I'm very low support needs. I work in home care for disabled individuals and I have worked with higher support needs autistic people. I won't share any more about my experiences out of respect for my client's privacy but I say that just to say that I'm not one of those low support needs people who has only ever interacted with other low support needs people. I am aware of the struggles of those who have higher support needs than I do.

So with that disclaimer out of the way I want to talk about why I don't like tiers. It's not helpful in my mind. I'll use myself as an example. I struggle most heavily with sensory issues and executive functioning. One of the biggest ways this impacts me is how I eat. I'm very grateful to live in a time where I can use vitamins to get around a lot of my issues with eating but there are certain foods, often foods that have fundamental neurients in them that I cannot physically force myself to swallow because of the way it feels. My executive functioning makes it very difficult to compleat certain iADLs. Before I started the diet I'm currently on I would sometimes starve rather than prepare my own food because of the difficulty of the task. I could prepare my own food sometimes but sometimes it was like climbing a mountain. Both the sensory issues and the executive dysfunction affect me in many other ways this is not an exhaustive list, but I don't want this post to be too horribly long. That said my motor issues are so mild that they're negligible (I have messy handwriting and a weird gait but I can correct for both of those if I focus) and I never have trouble speaking.

However there might be a different "tier one" autistic person who doesn't struggle with sensory issues at all and who's executive dysfunction is much milder than mine but who is hit or miss on their ability to speak in a way that they have to structure their life around, and who really struggles with motor function, maybe they even also have trouble feeding themselves because their motor functioning makes it difficult for them to get the food from their plate to their mouth. That is a whole separate issue from my own eating struggles which needs a whole different system for support.

Me and this other person would have completely separate needs, we have different struggles. We have some things in common like being sort of able to hold a job with the right accomodations, being able to mask more or less effectively in some but not all situations, and being on the lower end in terms of support needs. We both struggle with feeding ourselves but in very different ways. If you told someone tasked with helping me that I was a "tier one" autistic it wouldn't tell you which set of those two problems I have or how to help me it just tells you that I need less help than someone who's a tier two. How much less help? Who knows. On top of that a person might know me, who hasn't had a problem with speech since I was small, and assume incorrectly that all "tier ones" are able to speak all of the time, which would be an incorrect assumption. We already have a phrase to help categorize struggle. It's high support needs and low support needs. It's called the autism spectrum, not the autism pyramid scheme.

TL;DR: if someone told me I had a tier 3 autistic client that I needed to help that information would not illuminate anything about their needs for me. There is an enormous diversity of needs and struggles within any given tier. I think it's about as useful as high needs vs low needs and I think listing spacific struggles is far more useful if it is my business and you don't need to say a damn thing if it's not.

I suppose if tiers are helpful for you in understanding your own autism im not gonna police that, I just find it to be unhelpful.

[nhasablogg]

hey! i'd hate to like...use your blog to ask questions to the whole community. so if in anyway this comes off as disrespectful pls disregard it. but i've seen somewhere on your blog that you've once trusted a friend with knowing this kind of personal interest in tickling about yourself. i was wondering how that conversation went, if you're comfortable sharing.

i have a best friend - friend for years and years and years and years and they're the most trustworthy and least judgmental person i know. they've also trusted me with their own more personal life without shame.

nobody really knows this thing about me and it's a tempting thought to just get it out there to someone i know will be in my life forever. at the same time i'm worried about it being a bit of an awkward overshare, seeing as it's not really anyone else's business. theres really no reason for them to know, and i'm fine either way, but i'm wondering how - if in any way - did telling someone affect things? is it better or worse, knowing someone knows?

for your love to replace your shame done changed my life, N.

hey dear ppl of the tkl community. for those of you who have told a friend, how'd it go? casual or serious? any advice is appreciated.

Hi!! I'm always happy to be used to speak to the community as long as it's not a controversial topic lmao

So the way I did it was very natural to the conversation. I never planned to do it. In fact I actively kept saying "I shouldn't tell you because I'm not sure sober me will be happy about it", but ultimately I trust him and I knew it wouldn't change anything for us. We were out drinking and were talking about sex and kinks and whatnot, because for him sex is a big and important part of his life while for me it's not a part of my life at all because I'm asexual, and I guess we're both really perplexed by and interested in the other's way of living because it's the entire opposite. But when we started talking about kinks I confessed that I do actually have one and he wanted to know what it was so I ended up showing him this blog actually instead of saying it out loud lmao. I don't get embarrassed very easily (or I guess I kind of compensate the vulnerability by being extra confident even if it's fake) so once he knew I kind of just started talking about it and about the community with no trouble (also I was pretty drunk which probably helped lmao). We do to be fair live in different countries rn so I don't see him super often, but we talk regularly and it's not changed anything between us other than that I kind of like that he knows? Idk it feels pretty nice to have someone actually KNOW, although I'm not really feeling the need to tell anyone else. I've been toying with the idea of telling a friend for years, but I think for me I knew it wouldn't be something I think I'd want my friends to do to me anyway so it never felt necessary. My friends and I don't really talk much about sex or kink in details (maybe because I literally have nothing to say lmao) so it's never seemed natural to bring it up like it did this time before. I'm not really a touchy feely person and I've only recently started, like, trying to let people in in that way. I like hugging people etc and I'm not AGAINST touch but I very obviously don't know what to do with it if it lasts longer lmao but I've recently started putting my arm around my friends when we're walking, leaning into them/putting my head on their shoulders or laps, or pulling them closer to me when we're sitting on the couch because I know that THEY like it, but it doesn't come naturally to me even though I know deep down I also crave it (I remember once a friend of mine kissed my head and I literally SQUEALED because I was so happy lmaaooo). But that is to say that I don't think I'd ever tell someone because I'd WANT them to tickle me, because I'm not sure I'd even allow that, but it IS nice to just have someone know without feeling like it altered anything at all.

However, I don't feel the need to tell anyone else because for me I don't necessarily see the point. So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that you don't HAVE to tell someone unless you want to. It IS nice to have someone know, but only because it didn't change anything at all and tbh I probably wouldn't have told them out of nowhere. But I also feel like he's the type of friend I feel okay being vulnerable around. He's seen me flustered and panic about things MANY times and I don't necessarily feel like any other friend has seen that side of me as much.

"for love to replace your shame done changed my life" NO BUT I just started thinking of this concept after this ask and I was like??? That's technically such a great way to live your life?? Thank you random Tamino lyrics I decided to use as the title

If anyone else has any input feel free to share!! And good luck with whatever you decide to do, anon <3 I'm here if you wanna talk more!

[0rchidm4ntis]

was tagged by the lovely @serenescribe to participate in this game, thank you for the tag since this was super fun to answer!! I love getting to ramble about music :D (also even if they didn't make it on my list it's so nice to see other people who listen to pinkshifts music, I love the bands energy so much and I rarely hear people talk about them!!)

rules: post 5 songs you actually listen to, and tag 10 of your followers/mutuals (yeaahh most of my old mutuals have deactivated their blogs so I definitely don't have that many people to tag,,)

ngl I had to rearrange which songs I'd put multiple time before I was happy with these TvT

Bathtub mermaid - Mili

I am a major sucker for anything related to the sea, music is NOT an exception to that fact. This is such a soft song, it often makes me think of a lullaby. Mili's voice is very airy and light in this one compared to others where her voice gets more powerful, and I feel like it fits the vibe meant for this song perfectly. There's some room for interpretation with it but ultimately I think it's a song about being blinded by love, to the point where you're ready to transform yourself over and over again even if it isn't good for you in the end. Definitely an interesting theme to think about!

Carry me out - Mitski

It was hell picking out a single mitski song from my playlist bc I listen to so much of her discography, all the time :') however this is the one I've been listening to the most these days. I love how the song slowly builds up from the gentle first chorus to the much more powerful second one, I was floored when I listened to it the first time!! And the lyrics are very pretty too, as always Mitski's prose is just super evocative and I adore it with my whole heart

Je bois - Charles Aznavour

Sooo this one is definitely a more niche favorite of mine but I grew up listening to Aznavour and I've been re-listening to his songs lately, this one being my favorite out of them all. It's a pretty sad song despite how grand and flamboyant it sounds, considering it's about a man who has grown unhappy in his marriage and his life and drinks to forget his troubles, but it is masterfully written and so clever in its progression that I can't help listening to it over and over again

Parfum d'étoiles - Ichiko Aoba

Could I really make this list without mentioning the song that my blog is literally titled after?? And that I listen to nearly everyday??? I'm such a die-hard fan of Ichiko Aoba, and despite this song being mostly instrumental and not really showcasing much of her voice I'm terribly fond of it ♡♡ I adore how calm and soothing it is, its just one of those songs that puts me immediately at ease and feels like a breath of fresh air. All of her songs are worth checking out, she has got to be one of my favorite singers of all time

Tongues and teeth - The Crane Wives

I discovered The Crane Wives a few months ago, latched onto this song and I haven't let go since. I looove the singers voice so much, its so good and raspy and nice. I really like songs about fucked up love stories (bc they're so interesting to think about) and there's something about this one that just scratches an itch in my brain. The slowly growing desperation in the singers words to get their lover to stop pursuing them, growing from a careless warning to a desperate pleading for them to see just how bad they are in order to drive them away is just. AAAAAAAA so good!!

taglist: @avdoingstuff its been a while but if youd like to im tagging you! no pressure ofc, and anyone else who'd like to participate go crazy 🌟