#Howdy is aware of his crimes-

[clownsuu]

Aksdg..i.. akxk.. Hi Silvie doesn't know how to feel about too loud beetle man

SHARP TEEFS?!?!?!!!

[impishjesters]

Agents of Cat-astrophe

warning(s): none unless you count Jax note(s): This gave me a good chuckle as someone who's consistently dropping more curse words than regular words, I'd imagine the system to just censor anything and everything that comes out of my mouth at that point. A/N: (In response to the requester) I wish I was taking breaks (I mean I am sorta), I'm fully aware I'm running myself ragged right now. But it's hard for me to stop myself... I'm caffeinated and chaotic and I don't wanna stew in my brain for too long. At least I get up and stretch every now and then. Request: Anyways, I’m requesting a Jax x reader (crushing stage) where the reader is sorta at the same level of meanness as Jax and likes to do pranks with him on the other characters. Also the reader’s digital form is a short cat that at first glance makes them look nice/friendly (obviously not an actual cat but yk what I mean), and they have a sailor’s mouth that is unfortunately censored but that doesn’t stop them (can also purr and does so when they’re content which is usually when there chilling in Jax’s room or with Jax in general). I think it would be fun if the reader surprisingly was sorta nicer to Kinger and has a small soft spot for him and does more playful pranks on him than mean/harmful ones.

When you first showed up, you looked so small and frail, like a literal little kitten completely out of place in this big colourful nightmare world

Ragatha thought you’d be like Pomni, and boy howdy was she wrong

You just ended up being another Jax—who you later met and found out was also an agent of chaos

Similarly to Pomni you cursed up a storm when you first arrived and the endless censorship that came with it

You have a knack for testing Caine’s patience when it comes to your sailor’s mouth, much to Jax’s entertainment. It’s not every day Caine loses his cool like that and you’re just a newbie, needless to say, you caught his interest

That sailor’s mouth also gets used towards the other’s and Jax won’t lie and say it’s not funny because shit’s hilarious.

Sure they all curse from time to time, but you just laid out an entire sentence that was completely and utterly censored. Like the system said “fuck this I’m gonna censor the whole damn sentence”

Unlike Jax who doesn’t show any remorse for who he pranks or how cruel they are, you draw the line at messing with Kinger.

Okay, that’s a lie you still mess with him but it’s not like how you mess with the others. Kinger has this sweet unstable dad/grandpa vibe and it kind of makes the place more homey in a weird way. (plus that man has been through enough trauma, give him a break, and talk about his bug collections or some shit)

The upside is that his mind is so scattered sometimes that using the same pranks on him always results in something hilarious. So you really don’t need to try for any new material. (he also really needs to consider actually using the lock on his door, he makes it too easy)

Jax considered you his little partner in crime the more time passed—not exactly a friend nah, but like a good ol pal that also likes to partake in joining him and his bullshittery

The first time he hears you purring is when the two of you are lazing about in his room, he’d gotten distracted collecting things for a prank on someone and heard the loudest rumbling coming from behind him

“Are you fucking purring?”

It’s a little embarrassing at first, you’ve uh, never done that before..

Jax has the biggest shit-eating grin, if he wasn’t using dumb cat-themed nicknames before he sure as hell is now

“Oh, like you don’t stomp your feet like a petulant child you overgrown rabbit.”

He does not stomp his fuckin feet like a temperamental rabbit, thank you very much (that’s a fuckin lie if I ever heard one)

Jax already had mixed feelings about you before, nothing particularly bad, just feelings he couldn’t place…that was until the prank…

He doesn’t know how you did it, or how he got so wrapped up in it. But you pranked him, and you pranked him good.

Oh, oh okay that feeling is new… butterflies don’t typically belong inside your gut, now whether Jax has ever experienced a crush before or not is probably beyond him. But these little butterflies are a bitch and it takes awhile of placing two and two together to realize he’s… caught feelings to some degree

You, however, probably had a crush on him for a while, perhaps really noticing it after the whole purring fiasco when you learned that it only happened around Jax

[undertale-fic-librarby]

Any fics that have Fresh as a main/important character? I would prefer angst but I know it’s slim pickings with Fresh already

Howdy, thanks for asking! Here are some fics that might fit what you're looking for!

Sweet Sweet Swagger (After Dark) by MissPawTastic (Mature, Incomplete)

When a 90s jester skeleton one day decide to skedaddle himself into your everyday life casually without hinderance - you don’t know what to make of it at first. Living life in a world where the closest thing to a ’real-life’ skeleton appearing before you is only during Halloween - the very impossibility of his eccentric appearance and over the top personality pulls you slowly in. Having being dealt a bad hand with existing and simply living lately due to a difficult personal loss, you warily assumes he wants something from you with this ’forced’ friendship. But the more time passes in his company, the more you realize that - perhaps he genuinely just wants to be your friend despite your differences? And why does it feel like he knows things you’ve never told anyone before about yourself so… easily? …Tho, why is he so adamant about never taking those shades off..? *A feel-good story about the values of friendship, laughter, the gift of living and possibly the meaning of having a Soul.*(Rating may change later on)

Fresh New Antivirus by Hidden_Ajinn (Teen And Up, Incomplete)

Fresh is Admin of the Multiverse!? This can't end well ... or can it? This is an alternate universe - er, multiverse - where Fresh is responsible for the monitoring and disciplining of Players and Hackers as well as hunting down and eradicating any virus or external threat to the multiverses balance systems. Now what's this about some unrad lady called Fate? Welcome to Admin Fresh Verse (AFV for short i guess lol) *** FGoD concept by Harrash6 Characters belong to their respective owners Undertale by Toby Fox

Two Worlds One Family by Scared_of_styrofoam (General Audiences, Complete)

In the Momma CQ universe, a different set of Error's, Ink's, and other characters exist. Fresh and Error were having a fight when Fresh's magic ended up pulling them all into a portal. While Fresh was always aware of the potential variants of himself and his family, he had steered clear up until now. He steered clear because it was dangerous. Even meeting their counterparts is dangerous, although that's exactly what is going to happen. Things are not exactly what they seem though. Their older selves have many issues that align with their own. Maybe they can help each other?

Why Me? by InkyOverlord (Teen And Up, Complete)

out of everyone in the school,why in world would Fresh befriend a bully? after all bullies never change can they?

The Parasite's Pyjamas by InkyOverlord (Mature, Complete)

Fresh ends up stuck in a mafiatale AU, all is not lost as a crime leader known as the 'Puppetmaster' takes a liking to them and offers them to work for him. At this point they can't say no.

[chronicbeans]

Hey how about some cute welcome home headcanons of Wally and co. With a human s/o who found and brought them to their house and they see their s/o playing on video games (they have a ds lite, a 3ds, a ps3, a ps4, a Wii and a Switch and a newly brought gamer laptop with some games installed) and get curious about it and want to try too and their s/o teaches them?

YIPPEE!!! Game time!

Wally Darling and Co. with a Human Reader who plays Videogames:

TW: Brief Mention of Murder (in the context of videogame violence/mystery games)

🎮 They all would be so excited to try to play videogames. They have never seen anything like them before. Well, they have seen the very early videogames, but the ones you have are so much more... MORE!

🎮 So, they all begin asking you random questions about the games you play. Who is that guy? What's a Mario? Who's MegaMan? Then, the most important question of all: how do you play?

🎮 This begins the task of teaching all of these puppets how to play various videogames, all on different consoles. It can get difficult due to their hands being different from one another. Poppy has wings and feathers, Barnaby has large paws, and Howdy has so many hands he can't decide which ones he should use to hold the remote or DS.

🎮 However, once you teach everyone how to play whatever game it is, it gets pretty fun! Especially party games or competitive ones. Watching a group of puppets get overly invested in a game of Mario Kart, no matter which game in the series, is enjoyable to watch. To your surprise, Wally seems to be the most competitive out of the group, causing you to have to teach him the value in letting others win from time to time and how bragging can hurt people's feelings. He takes that lesson to heart, though, going on to be more calm while playing.

🎮 Frank usually sticks to his own games, enjoying puzzle games, like Tetris or Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine (he claims that these two games are COMPLETELY different due to the plot in Dr. Robotnik's). He is really good at them, too! Sometimes the others will watch him play it in awe, mesmerized by the pretty colors and music.

🎮 The final big surprise to you is how much Eddie loves mystery games. He can play any game based off of Sherlock Holmes or any other mystery novel for hours. He might not get exactly what is going on, especially in games that involve violent crimes like murder, but he gets the basic concept of "find the bad guy" and using clues to do so.

🎮 Most of the others stick to multiplayer, casual party games or racing games. Poppy does love baking games, though, including flash games revolving around baking. You kind of expected this, however, due to her preexisting love for baking. Sally likes any game with flashy style and drama. Barnaby likes to play Fibbage from time to time, of course, keeping the jokes clean (mostly because none of the puppets entirely understand or are aware of adult topics and humor being... Well... From a children's show). Sally likes Hello Kitty games because of the adorable aesthetic, and Howdy likes games about... managing things? He keeps finding these oddly specific games about running stores and such. Like, a VERY specific genre of tycoon games.

🎮 Home, whose puppet you found seems to be the size of a small cardboard box, can't really play games, but it seems to like to watch you play games. It shows extra happiness when you play home care/restoration/design games like House Flipper. It also enjoys watching you play The Sims, too, which you have made a household just for the Welcome Home crew.

🎮 Sometimes, due to little accidents, things break. Since controllers are designed with human hands in mind, felt or feathery puppet hands can drop things by accident. Over time, it becomes a little rule that they should try to keep their hands as close to the floor or whatever surface is closest to their hands as possible. That way, if they drop the controller, it will have less of a chance of breaking.

🎮 They probably ask you numerous questions about subjects discussed in the games they play. They can range from "why does the dog in Nintendogs act so different from Barnaby?" to "what is murder?" Needless to say, depending on the topic, you get some very strange whiplash due to puppets asking about dark, disturbing topics. You try your best to explain, though, because you know if you don't, they'll try to figure it out on their own. Might as well be you so they don't get any misinformation or stumble upon something horrific.

[ursa-tan]

Part 2 of the reader "captures" the wally, where wally's friends break into the reader's house to save wally from the reader's "evil" clutches and find wally sleeping and cuddling the reader.

(I thought this situation would be funny like a comedy)

He's yours?...

Wally Darling x Fem!Villain!Reader

Word count: 2,910 Reading time: ~10 mins

Part 1, Part 2

A/N: I know that I’ve closed requests… But this was such a cute idea and I couldn’t help but write it… damn you anon, coming in here with such cute ideas! I've put this in my Playfellowxxx masterlist on account of the first part being nsfw and how this second part doesn't really make sense without the first - if you think it needs changing, please let me know!

Anyway! Hope you all enjoy!

It’s dawning on the next afternoon before anyone realises Wally is missing. The sun is already high in the sky and Barnaby is heading into the bugdega to get the same thing he gets every day for lunch – the “chilli dog” that can’t really be classified as anything but a crime against food.

“Morning Howdy,” He drawls, the same low rumble he speaks with every time he talks.

“Afternoon, actually,” The caterpillar chuckles, pointing to the town clock with one of his many arms. Barnaby can just about see it through one of the many windows of the bugdega.

“Huh, well then, afternoon Howdy.” It’s just gone twelve, but Howdy had adopted the habit of correcting the dog on his timing after Barnaby had jokingly done it once. It was a little inside joke, both of them rather enjoyed it thought.

“Indeed,” Howdy stops cleaning the counter and finally looks up at the big blue puppy, “ I take you’ve gone here for lunch?”

“You know me all too well,” Barnaby chuckles, walking up and resting his elbows on the freshly wiped counter, leaning his head into his hands.

“I know you’re routine – and I know that you’re going to ask me for that abomination of a hot dog for lunch.”

“Don’t knock it till ya’ try it.”

“I think I’ll stick to salad, thanks.”

“Same response every time.”

Howdy can’t help but let out a light laugh as he turns his back on Barnaby, starting to make the same thing he did every day around noon. They always had the same kind of conversation, the same routine. Day in day out, Howdy could rely on Barnaby to come in and keep him company for a few minutes. He also knew he could, begrudgingly, rely on Wally to ruin the apple display while he tried to look for the “best apple”.

“Go tell your little menace of a best friend to get out of my apples,” Howdy speaks, still with his back to Barnaby. He’s in the process of gathering the sauces he needs when Barnaby speaks up.

“Uh… He’s not in the apple display?” The other puppet sounds rather concerned, like he hadn’t noticed before this that Wally wasn’t present.

“What do you mean he isn’t in the apple display?” Howdy practically whips around, abandoning the half made hot dog in order of scanning the store for the much smaller puppet. Barnaby was right, Wally isn’t in the apple display. Nor has he climbed his way onto the counter to wait for Barnaby to get his hot dog. As far as Howdy is aware, Wally isn’t even in the bugdega.

“Where is he then?” The caterpillar asks, turning back around to finish the hot dog as fast as possible before handing it to Barnaby.

“I assumed he was following me…” Barnaby trails off, brows knitting together as he tries to think back on the day so far.

“You didn’t check?” Howdy sounds exasperated. In truth, he’s panicking, he’s incredibly worried about Wally, but his voice isn’t conveying that.

“I don’t usually have to! He’s never not followed me in here when I come in to get lunch!” Barnaby is starting to look panicked as well, discarding his lunch on the counter in favour of starting to look around the bugdega. If Howdy wasn’t also so worried about the little puppet, he would’ve told Barnaby off for dirtying his counter.

“I’ll keep looking around here, you go check to see if he’s spending time with Julie and Frank.” Howdy’s rushing out from behind the counter, hurrying Barnaby out the door as he speaks. Barnaby doesn’t resist in the slightest, running out to see if he can find Wally elsewhere.

It’s not long before the whole neighbourhood is searching for Wally. Julie and Frank have teamed up to see if Wally has wondered into the woods. Howdy, Barnaby, and Poppy are checking in higher up places, seeing if he somehow managed to get himself stuck. Eddie and Sally are going through everyone’s gardens. Even home is worried, squeaking and banging – while no one can understand what they’re trying to say, everyone can tell that they’re distressed.

After a rather frantic search, the whole neighbourhood – bar Wally, of course – gather in front of home.

“Did anyone find him?” Eddie speaks, coming to stand next to Frank. He hold their hand, stroking his thumb over their knuckles as a way to comfort himself.

“No, couldn’t see him anywhere,” Julie says next, worrying at a strand of her hair, tugging at it lightly.

“Does anyone have any ideas where he could be? Did anyone check Home?” Barnaby seems to be doing the worst, his tail swishing nervously as he continues to look around like he’ll somehow spot Wally.

“I asked, but I don’t think he’s inside,” Sally mumbles, looking towards Home. Home, in response, opens and closes its doors. Even if no one but Wally can understand them, they all pretty clearly understand that not even Home knows where Wally is.

“Has anyone seen (Y/n)  today?” Frank speaks up, taking a moment from comforting Eddie to look around themself.

Their question seems to still the very air as it comes from their mouth. Collectively, everyone seems to stop worrying as they turn their heads towards Franks. No one had seen (Y/n) that day, or the previous one for that matter.

It was particularly strange not to see (Y/n) for more than one day. Much like Barnaby going to the bugdega every day or Eddie always delivering mail at the same time every morning, (Y/n) was always up to something or other. So, for the neighbours not to see her was unusual in itself. For them to not see (Y/n) or Wally was even more unusual. So much so that Barnaby immediately turned on his heel and stormed off, heading straight for her house.

“Barnaby! Hold up! Don’t do anything rash!” Eddie calls after what is now an 8 feet tall ball of rage coated in spotty blue fluff. The mailman is hot on Barnaby’s heels, followed close by Frank and then Julie.

“maybe we should think about this?” Julie calls out from the back of the line, still twirling and tugging at the strands of her hair that frame her face.

“If she’s got Wally we have to get him back. We all know nothing good is happening behind those doors,” Barnaby growls out, his voice deeper and rougher than anyone had heard from him before. The tone causes Eddie to stutter in his steps, nearly tripping as Frank bumps into his back.

“(Y/N)!” Barnaby barks, finally coming to her door and pounding a balled-up fist against the wood. The force behind his knock – it’s really more like a punch – seems to cause the whole house to shudder.

“Barnaby, I really don’t think-“ It’s Frank’s turn to try and reason with the angry hound only to get interrupted.

“OPEN THIS DOOR! THIS IS TOO FAR!” Barnaby continues to thump his fist against the door, yet he doesn’t get an answer. Sure, (Y/n) had caused problems before – snuck into the bugdega to switch out the sauces he normally had on his hotdog, stolen Frank’s butterfly collection, messed with Sally’s plays. But this was too far, entirely too far.

After a few minutes of practically howling through the door accompanied by insistent banging, Barnaby decides that he’s had enough of waiting and takes matters into his own hands; using his size and weight to his advantage, he begins to throw himself against the door with the intention of breaking it down.

“Barnaby! Stop!” Julie calls out, running over to him, trying to grab his arm and pull him away, “We can settle this like adults! I’m sure (Y/n) would be open to talking it out!”

Barnaby pauses, more in fear of hurting his friend if he were to continue his attempts over anything else. He looks down at the much shorter puppet, a flash of remorse in his eyes before he scoops her up and walks over to a tree not too far away and places her in one of the branches. She’ll be able to get down, but she’ll need Eddie or Frank’s help to do so.

“Barnaby!” She calls out, trying to figure out how to get out of the tree as he walks away and back towards (Y/n)’s house.

“Sorry Julie,” He mumbles, walking back to the door and throwing himself against it one more time. Apparently, that last push was all it needed as Barnaby collapses forwards and into the house, landing on top of the now ruined door with a loud huff.

The inside of the house is dimly lit despite it being early afternoon, all the curtains drawn and any like that was too bright turned off. The smell of cinnamon and cooked pastry fills the air, accompanied by soft swing music and what sounds like a soft feminine voice mumbling. If it weren’t for the situation at hand, Barnaby would find it rather relaxing.

The dog climbs back to his feet, taking a moment to brush himself off before storming deeper into the house, following the sound of her soft mumble. He knows he’s going to find (Y/n), he can only hope he finds Wally too. What he does find at the end of his short rampage is completely unexpected.

Wally is laying on (Y/n), head on her chest and arms wrapped as far around her as they can go. There’s a blanket pulled up over the both of them – it’s a fluffy yellow one, a teddy bear blanket. Wally is wearing a light pink shirt that appears to be 4 sizes too big, it also looks like one that Barnaby remembers seeing (Y/n) in. (Y/n) is laying on a sofa, head on the arm rest and holding a book in the air, half reading the words aloud. A record player crackles away softly in the background, playing “I will always love you”. There’s a fresh apple pie on the table, along with a few fresh apples.

“’You should learn not to make personal remarks,’ Alice said with some severity; ‘it’s very rude.’,” (Y/n) mumbles before craning their neck ever so slightly to kiss the top of Wally’s head – an easy feat, as his hair is not in his signature pompadour.

“What the fuck.” Barnaby finds himself unable to move, completely rooted to the floor as he looks at the scene in front of him. It’s so perfectly domestic that, if it weren’t for his friend being kidnapped, he would find it sickeningly sweet.

“Do you mind?” (Y/n) asks, turning her head to stare at Barnaby with a look somewhere between distain and malice, “We we’re perfectly comfortable before you came barging in here.” This time, its her turn to growl as she speaks.

Barnaby looks around, looking for any kind of indication that Wally is being held captive, that he can’t just get up and leave. Yet, no matter how hard he looks, he can’t find any. Wally is just relaxing on (Y/n)’s chest while she stares down Barnaby.

“Barnaby!” Eddie’s voice comes loud from somewhere behind the dog before he bursts into the room. Much like Barnaby, he freezes upon seeing the scene.

“Oh great, you brought the mailman,” Yon grumbles, closing her book and leaning over as much as she can to place it on the coffee table, “is there anyone else? Did you bring the whole neighbourhood?” her voice is snarky as she speaks, obviously annoyed with the interruption.

“(Y/n)? Why have you stopped?” Wally finally speaks up, opening his eyes and shifting to sit up slightly. He seems completely oblivious to the presence of both Barnaby and Eddie while he looks up at (Y/n) with droopy, relaxed eyes.

“Wally?” It’s Eddie’s turn to speak now, as Barnaby is still trying to collect his jaw from its place on the floor.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Eddie sounds equal parts confused and outraged, staring at Wally.

“oh… Hello.” Wally sounds like he has just woken up from a nap when he speaks, despite the fact that he doesn’t sleep.

“Can you two leave?” (Y/n) growls, putting her arms around Wally and holding his much smaller body against hers. “He’s obviously not in any danger and I’ll return him soon enough. Get out of my house and please put my door back on it’s hinges as you go.”

“I’m not going anywhere without Wally,” Barnaby finally manages to find his voice, deciding to walk towards (Y/n).

“He’s a grown man, he can go home when he wants to. Like I said, he’s not in danger, I’m not holding him here against his will, he’s free to leave when he wants. He just doesn’t want to leave.” (Y/n) hugs Wally tighter to her body as Barnaby approaches, refusing to let him take Wally from her.

“I… Maybe we should go,” Eddie mumbles, seemingly nervous now. Any anger he had from before has melted away after seeing Wally in this state, obviously not wanting to leave.

“See? The mailman gets it. Now get out,” (Y/n) continues to growl at them, still holding the sleepy looking Wally against her body.

“I’m not-“ Barnaby tries to step forward, tries to reach out and pull Wally from her grip. Yet he doesn’t succeed; Eddie is holding the arm he was reaching forwards with.

“Barnaby…” Eddie mumbles, looking up at the much smaller puppet with a pleading look, “Wally is his own person… He can come home if he wants to… I think we should go.”

“But- He-“

“Let’s go.” Eddie tugs at Barnaby’s arm, beginning to tug him towards the living room door.

Barnaby doesn’t attempt to fight it, just letting Eddie tug him out of the house. His foot steps are staggering as he’s finally lead out, squinting a little as the sun shines into his eyes. He takes a moment when Eddie lets go of his arm to put the door back in place – it’s not perfect, but it’ll to till (Y/n) gets it fixed.

“What happened?!” Julie shouts, still in the tree that Barnaby had left her in. He can see that Frank is still trying to get her down.

“Wally wants to stay,” Eddie is the one who responds, as Barnaby is still unable to find his words.

“He wants to stay?” Frank stops their attempts to pull Julie from the tree to turn to their husband, a confused look on their face.

“Yep, wanted to stay.” Eddie walks over, reaching up and managing to catch Julie as she shimmies her way out of the branches. He puts her down before turning back to Barnaby.

“Why would he want to stay?”

“I don’t know, he seemed comfortable.”

Barnaby can hear the others ease into soft chatter about the situation as he begins to walk away. He doesn’t really know where he’s going, he’s just heading vaguely towards Home and the rest of the neighbours. He doesn’t know if Eddie, Julie and Frank are following him. He just knows that he saw his best friend curled up on the chest of the town’s biggest nuisance. Although, he doesn’t get far before a familiar pair of hands are on his arm again.

“Hey Barn, are you ok?” It’s Eddie. Ever the sweetheart, he’s desperate to comfort Barnaby to the best of his ability.

Barnaby looks around, waiting for Frank and Julie to approach, waiting to be overwhelmed with the voices that are just trying to comfort him, yet no one appears. It remains as just him and Eddie on the small path leading back to Home.

“Frankie and Julie have already headed on ahead. It’s just me and you. Are you ok?” The same question is so much heavier now. Especially as Eddie seemingly stares into his soul – almost the same way Wally always manages to do.

“Why would he do that?” Barnaby’s voice is broken, cracking, and barely above a whisper. Something about it is hollow and desolate.

“I don’t know,” Eddie mutters, now relaxing his grip on Barnaby’s arm.

“He… He’s supposed to be my best friend,” There’s so much distress in Barnaby’s voice. It sounds like he should’ve been shouting, he really should’ve been shouting. “Why would he leave? Why wouldn’t he say anything? Why would he stay with her?”

“I don’t know, only Wally can answer your questions.” Eddie continues to do his best to comfort Barnaby. Although the dog seems to be starting to whimper now despite trying to supress it.

“Maybe we should head back… The others are probably starting to worry about us now,” Barnaby mumbles over a barely supressed whimper.

“Yeah… Let’s head back.” Eddie places a hand on Barnaby’s back, agreeing. He knows the topic change is a desperate attempt not to start crying, so he won’t mention anything.

Wally turns up the next day like nothing ever happened. Granted, his ascot is tied in a different way then he usually does it and his pompadour isn’t coiled as tightly either, but he acts as if nothing is out of the ordinary. When Julie asks where he was, all he says is he was ‘visiting a friend’. When Howdy asks what he did, all he’ll give is vague answers. Worst of all, when Barnaby looks at him with a look of betrayal, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

[juststoriesintheend]

What would an au where Sol lives look like?

ohohohohoh boy howdy have i been thinking about this

i have a couple ideas, one for my horny brain that is in love with him and one that's more logical. since i've already kind of summarized my horny thoughts into a vague fic idea, i'll focus on a more logical string of thoughts

when vernestra finds him, he's barely clinging on to life (it's giving palpatine + vader parallels quite frankly)

they get him back on the ship, get him an oxygen mask, and eventually return to coruscant, but all the medical assistance in the world can't un-do the power of the force wrapped around your throat

his voice is permanently changed, much more hoarse and painful for him to talk. he has memory problems bc being deprived of oxygen for that long gave him brain damage

he stands trial for what he did on brendok 16 years ago. i feel like he might be able to be talked into taking the fall for every single death on khofar too, but if not then i could vernestra waving it away as "osha attacked him to save her own life & now he's delirious w/ grief and has lost his grip on reality"

maybe he's exiled? maybe he's sent to prison on coruscant? i think either way, he is no longer a jedi and he's going somewhere to rot for his crimes, and he goes willingly bc he feels like he deserves it

if he's aware that mae is with the jedi, he'd probably be torn between letting her be and being obsessed with reconnecting with her - to ease his conscience? to beg for death? he probably doesn't even know what he wants

all sol knows is that he made a mistake and he (and everyone he's ever loved) paid for it at osha's hand. he's plagued by flashbacks and nightmares. when he talks to other jedi or prisoners about a sith villain who threatens the republic, he's written off as a crazy old man

and maybe he is. osha choking him snapped his mind, it utterly broke him. if he had died there, it might have been enough to heal him, cleanse him of his sins. but surviving has only allowed his guilt to thrive. bc death would have been his penance

basically, he's still scapegoated and he probably loses his sanity over the years. i do not see anything happy or good for him in this scenario

which is why i don't like to think about it lol

alternatively, in some happier universe:

i like the idea of sol being able to escape. maybe vernestra thinks he's really dead bc he's quite literally on the cusp between life and death. and when she starts to drag him off for a sad, lonely jedi funeral, she realizes he's alive and mostly an amnesiac, so she decides to help him

she does what she can to help him heal in whatever short time she has and then she sends him off in an escape pod, gives him this second chance to go somewhere and live out the rest of his life in peace

the jedi he once was died on brendok, at his daughter's hand. now he can just be sol. no guilt or trauma to weigh him down. he can be a farmer. or a tradesman. a teacher. he can live

i think sol always wanted to be a father but couldn't bc of the way the order is structured/the jedi tenets, so maybe in this alternate life he can adopt some other orphan (amnesiacs sol and mae becoming found family for each other, anyone??)

maybe he meets someone his own age that he can love and become attached to in a better, slightly healthier way. someone he can wake up beside and dote upon. someone who makes him want to be the best person he can be

pls for the love of god, let this man have something happy for once in his life

[sexhaver]

Howdy friend! I feel like that meme with doctor eggman that just walked in on rouge and shadow having a spirited discussion on something I have no pretext about. But it sounds important and I do wanna educate myself if there's a lacking somewhere, genuinely. From what I understood from scrolling down to a screenshot poll and other screens, it's trying to figure out if people are automatically taking frat boys (the classic stereotype kind, btw, genuinely players) in good faith by queer-ifying them because they have been fortunately unfortunate enough to not have the life experience of being used by this type of person that will take their good faith and hurt them?

Because I do think that there *could* be a cishet aro man out there, if it's defined very explicitly as: a man (born with a penis and identifies as he/him) and likes women (including trans women) and is aromantic. Face value wise, that is.

Because the question wasn't if the hypothetical man was superstraight (and don't count trans people at all) or just pussy-seeking (i.e. looking to have sex with ciswomen and trans men who haven't had bottom surgery, is explicitly Not transphobic). Or if this hypothetical man wasn't also, say, a "friend" met at a party/tinder/hookup/through mutuals/etc that is really just an acquaintance with little of substance genuinely known...or if this man was actually what one would consider a genuine friend. Or if this hypothetical man was poly (and/or if you were poly honestly, this feels like this is being framed in a mono mindset, which is okay! But poly adds extra details to account for). Also if he was out as aro.

The point is, I am aware of cheating. I am aware of using terms to get around cheating. Or trying to justify it. But aromantizim by itself isn't cheating. Poly by itself isn't cheating. FwB by itself, or hooking up by itself, or sex work by itself, isn't cheating- if there is informed consent on both sides with all affected parties, which includes all other partners. Wanting to sleep around isn't a crime, regardless of who or where or what gender.

I know there's plenty of men that aren't allies, that are homophobic or transphobic or sexist, but that wasn't the question. You aren't making that distinction or posing a scenario, just a screenshot without any added distinction other that the consent (after it was asked for by voters). It's taking the assumption that practicing genuine safe sex ( not that bullshit abstinence thing schools and "god fearing Christians" teach), is limited to only cishetero men... And not something to practice with everyone.

It shouldn't matter my gender or background or beliefs or sexuality, since these are simply opinions and all opinions come with grains of salt, but I know if I don't add context of me being the one giving these opinions, I'll be discredited.

I'm a cis-women (so very petrifiyingly aware of that Fear/wariness of being approached at night by strangers, or followed. I don't like ANYONE strange coming up to me, regardless of gender, a woman can stab me as much as a man can rape me, but I feel like I know the mindset extreme examples being presented here so there were go).

I'm demi-omnisexualromantic. Everyone's free game once I get to know them on a genuine emotional level. We HAVE to be besties (or we have to never ever see each other again if I'm gonna sleep with you and you're not a friend, oh gOD WHAT IF I FART OR THEY'RE A SERIAL KILLER OH GOD).

I'm poly. The first thing is with my girlfriend and our paramour, since we are the "oringal polycule" is had a sit down discussion about what we agreed upon what being in a relationship is like (we happen to be romantically and sexually attracted to each other btw). It was Poly from the start and Open from the start. We are all okay and open to each other going out to bdsm clubs or kink parties or sleeping around, or if asking out cute people..... BUT we have to ask permission/inform the other partners in our polycule. There's nothing to hide and they consent. They can say no, and that's okay!! Because then!! We can have an open and honest discussion as to why (lonely, conflicting plans, insecurity, safety worries, etc). Also also, anyone new that's meant to become a fwb or a pet needs to know about and meet our polycule, and it's a one-no situation here. If *anyone* is uncomfortable, nothing goes forward.

Sex is nice, sex is great if you're a freak like me and into that sorta thing; and sexual safety awareness and stranger danger awareness and informed consent awareness is MAJORLY IMPORTANT AND CRITICAL AND EVERYONE SHOULD BE TAUGHT THIS IN SCHOOL OH GOD but in my humble opinion the execution has spiraled into something messy with rampant misunderstanding and accidental invalidation of aro-spec men, poly people, and our allies,,, as well as anyone trying to be open-minded even if they dont understand.

Telling people that they're naive and ignorant isn't going to teach them a lesson you appear to feel strongly that they need to learn, it only shames and makes them not likely to actually follow the good advice (?) that's being presented in a not-clear format.

And it also earns you a buncha people getting angry because they don't understand the question actually being asked because the context wasn't clarified or what the actual answer is in a no patronizing manner/delivery,, and I'm sure you're feeling very much harassed and exhausted for answers that have little to nothing to do with your actual question, and I'm really sorry for that because I've been there and I hate this for you because it's exhausting and dispiriting to find people who never got taught how to keep themselves safe... But I'm also happy that they haven't had to learn it the hard way *yet* and that I can still help, or even that the people I was so stressed over not having the lesson... Actually DO know the answer but just misunderstood the question or that I just asked it confusingly!!

Anyway, sorry for the extremely long ask, double sorry if I misunderstood anything you were trying to say or explained anything that you already know. But if you could clarify in your own words and time, I would be very grateful! If not, that's still okay and I hope you take care of yourself out there, friend! Also, I'm on anon less because I'm ashamed of my opinion, and more because I don't want anyone else randomly messaging me back because they don't like me for my views online and I happen to really like this account dghjfedhjfdsjk

oh my god i thought there was a character limit on anons. what am i even being asked here? i literally just woke up and opened my inbox and made this face

[autistic-crypt1d]

X-Files Live Blogging:

Season 2

Season 1 was amazing and left on a huge cliffhanger, I'm so excited for season 2 let's gooooo

I feel the need to say this after watching a lot of this season. Episodes 10 - 14 have some very triggering content (SA and rape). Please be aware of this if you decide to watch and if you want to watch the show but can't or don't want to see that, please feel free to DM me and I'll tell you what I can about the episodes!

S1

Updates:

- Little Green Men

- Space!!!!

- Scully getting existential in the autopsy room

- Scully's longing look at Mulder 😭 why are you ignoring herrrrr

- oh my god, Scully trying to keep Mulder from losing his belief is so AHHHH

- THE HEAD RUB OMFG

- how could he go without her!!!

- Jorge noooooooo

- Mulder should know better than to go after stuff without Scully, she's just gonna find him anyway

- nice work Scullyyyyy

- "before I could only trust myself. Now I can only trust you, and they've taken you away from me." BRO

- OH FUCK

- RECORD IT MULDER

- DAMN IT DUDE THAT WAS YOUR CHANCE

- talk about an event to restore his belief damn

- she found him!!!!

- THE SHOULDER GRAB

- take all the paper and go!!!!!!

- just grab em!!

- Mulder putting his hand on Scully while the shooting is happening oh my godddddd

- let's go get away driver Mulder god damn!

- oh shiy Caldwell (I can't remember the character's actual name) sticking up for Mulder??

- you can tell by his face he did noooot approve the wire tap on his phone

- I don't understand why they didn't just gran all the papers

- "I still have my work. I still have you." AHHHHH

- The Host

- he's so dead

- oh yeah, that is horrifying

- god I hate water monsters, this is gonna suck so bad isn't it

- ahhhh he's stayed for Scully AHHHHH

- YUCK

- NOPE

- Skinner!! The guy who is also Caldwell is called Skinner here

- YEESH that wound is nastyyyyyyy

- starts bleeding from the mouth, GETS IN THE SHOWER INSTEAD OF GETTING CHECKED OUT

- BRUH EEW

- oh boy that is a big worm

- OK NOT A WORM WHAT THE FUCK

- where tf was it?!?!

- NOPE NOPE NOPE

- ok yep he's just goin down into the sewer in a suit no hesitation

- oh he's so gonna fall in isn't he

- YUP

- YEAH STAND THERE AND TALK ABOUT YOUR LOST GLASSES INSTEAD OF GETTING OUT OF THE WATER KNOWN TO HAVE A KILLER CREATURE IN THERE

- MULDER NO WHAT THE FUCK

- OH

- boy howdy that's gross, but nice job Fox

- THEY DIDN'T REMOVE THE BODY?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

- Blood

- title makes me nervous

- do not listen to that man, please listen to your gut and run away

- Mulder you better not have actually given that creep Scully's number

- wow, they never figure out who was doing it????

- Sleepless

- killer nightmares?

- new guy, Krycek looks familiar

- BRUH, the way Mulder is leaning towards her in this scene is WILD

- apparently the actor has been in a couple things I've seen, Supernatural, Once Upon a Time, and Burn Notice

- Preacher I also recognize, been in a couple crime shows I've seen

- I'm excited about the new guy it's fun, he better not try to replace Scully as his partner though

- Mulder's new friend in the FBI has a super familiar voice, it's making me think of the guy who played Brian (I think), the guy who also played Walter on Eureka, but he's already been in this show

- oh shoot, ok well definitely not that guy, but I recognize the actual dude

- damn those are some big ass flashlights

- damn it new guy I liked you!!!

- Duane Berry

- man this is quite an episode for Mulder

- oh shit

- y'all this episode is really cool

- A TWO PARTER OH SHIT

- Ascension

- Duane Berry has made a big mistake

- I recognize the cop that pulled him over

- OOP

- Krycek you better not get Scully hurt istg

- YEESH THIS SHIT IS INTENSE

- MULDER YOU'RE GIVING ME ANXIETY

- KRYCEK I SWEAR TO GOD

- oh hell

- KRYCEK. KRYCEK WHEN I CATCH YOU KRYCEK.

- LET'S GO MULDER!!!

- the government guys used Duane to get Scully away from Mulder didn't they

- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT, STOP THAT, DON'T TOUCH SCULLY

- Krycek totally murdered him right?

- oh shit did Mulder figure Krycek out???

- YESSS

- I kinda love Skinner now

- SHE STILL ISN'T FOUND WTF

- -3

- vampires?

- Dana becoming an X-File makes me wanna cry

- VAMPIRESSSSSS

- did they being back Maybourne?!?! They did!! Ugh is he gonna be an asshole this time

- OH

- thank god you have SOME sense Mulder

- when is Scully coming back, I miss her :(

- damn ok they ready got a new third

- ugh I hate the way she talks about blood, and the way she talks like she's trying to be sexy. I hate that in characters in general. Characters are either sexy or they aren't, characters that are played to be by trying to be is so hard to watch

- Mulder is wearing Scully's necklace oh my god 😭

- please do not hook up

- STOOOOOOP I HATE ITTTT, ESPECIALLY WEARING HER NECKLACE

- BRO STOOOOOP

- god damn it y'all

- I'm honestly so upset with Mulder right now. His partner, the only person who not only believes in him, but follows him anywhere putting herself on the line again and again for him, is missing and he's hooking up with some random person?!?!

- One Breath

- DANA

- SHE'S NOT DEAD DON'T YOU DARE PUT THAT UP AND MULDER DON'T YOU DARE STOP LOOKING FOR HER

- DANA?!?!?!?!

- I recognize Melissa from something, Eureka I think?

- WAIT NO THAT'S DIANE FROM NCIS

- YEESH

- tall chainsmoking mf, you suck

- PFFFFFT CANCER MAN

- Hammond!!

- who is this nurse??

- damn dude I really love Skinner

- oh hell

- go see her Mulder, tell her you need her!!!

- YESSSS

- y'all this season is nothing but pain so far wtf

- wake up Dana!!!!!

- YES DANA LET'S GO!!!!

- AHHHHHHH

- I'm so happy she's back

- Firewalker

- oh hey it's the scientist from the Eureka episode with the meteors!!

- man this show really loves utilizing the "rectangle of light that only illuminates the eyes even though it makes no sense and where tf is that light even coming from" thing

- oh my god the slight little step behind Mulder Scully did

- bro really should not have gone out alone, he's gonna die isn't he

- I missed the duo so much I'm so happy!!

- oh yeah, he dead

- uh oh

- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

- a mushroom?!?!?! NAH

- THE SHOULDER TOUCH AHHHH

- throat mushroom is so gross I hate itttt

- OOP

- I really hope they don't just gloss over Scully's abduction. I hope that the way it affects her will get brought up again at some point

- HANDCUFFS?! SERIOUSLY JESSE?!?!?!

- god damn Scully is strong!!

- RUN MULDER!!

- THE FACE TOUCH

- that was a very deliberate patch showing, does that mean something?

- Red Museum

- wow! Gross!

- where the hell is that dude hiding wtf

- poor kid :(

- oh lovely, a cult

- bro, wiping the corner of her mouth?? These two have so much comfort in physical contact with each other from like day one

- Cadet Haley?!

- OH

- OH SHIT HE WAS IN THE WALL

- disgusting man

- aaaaand Mulder is rushing into danger alone again

- saved by Scully once again

- Excelsis Dei

- Janet!!!!!

- hey now you leave Janet alone!!

- tw: rape

- Mudler you better work this case well or istg

- I despise old men, they say the most vile, intrusive shit, and behave like they're fucking kings

- ah yes, feed the residents mushrooms 👍

- KICK IT!! SOMETHING!!

- ah so Stan was indeed the problem

- Aubrey

- did he just send her there to die??

- wtf??

- not dead???

- huh????

- was that really a necessary thing for Mulder to say? (Spoiler alert, No)

- this poor woman geez

- wtfffff

- y'all this episode is depressing af and so was the last one wtfff

- Irresistible

- sir you are immensely creepy

- WHAT THE FUCK STOP THAT SHIT

- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

- AHHHH YUCK DUDE

- GIRL RUN WHAT THE FUCK

- what is going on with Scully this episode? I feel like it has to be more than squeamishness with how they're emphasizing it

- y'all what is with these episodes, I hate them so much

- DAMN RIGHT, PUNCH THAT MF!!

- YOU DIRECT THOSE MF CREEPY PEEPERS AWAY FROM SCULLY YOU BASTARD

- she better shoot him, this episode can only be redeemed by that dude dying horribly

- damn that therapy scene was good

- dude you better back the fuck off

- she should've been allowed to kill him this is bullshit

- I'm really glad they revisited and acknowledged Scully's trauma as much as this episode sucked for me personally

- Die hand Die Verletzt

- interesting title

- wtf

- dude what is with all the sexual assault and rape in this fucking season

- Mulder trying to shield Scully with his body 😭

- Scully insinuating the guy was being controlled?? Oh??

- wtf

- Fresh Bones

- YEESH

- was that Lt Conner from Stargate SG-1??

- fuck Wharton y'all

- WHAT THE FUCK

- serves you right Wharton

- Colony

- Mulder?!?!?!

- GERARD?? FROM 911??

- please don't tell me you're buying this Mulder

- that's the actress who plays the young version of Leneya in Stargate!!

- way to go Scullyyyy

- oh fug

- End Game

- Major Davis!!!!

- get your hands off her you shapeshifting fuck!!!

- it was really her? Oh man :(

- ow ow ow

- ok it wasn't really her thank god that would've been super disappointing

- what about the scene from the beginning of Colony???

- LET'S GO SKINNER

- ok here we go

- why is he still hiding out in the sub??

- oh ok I guess he's leaving now

- YOU TELL HIM DANA

- Fearful Symmetry

- invisible elephant???

- no longer invisible elephant???

- so aliens have been taking the babies?

- :(

- Død Kalm

- what the fuuuuuuck

- what the FUUUUUCK

- BRUH WHAT

- this episode is stressing me outttt

- screw the captain guy

- Karma

- Humbug

- what the hell is wrong with this dude crashing a funeral like that??!?!

- way to go Sherriff!

- tabernacle of terror XD

- boy howdy that’s gross

- DR. BLOCKHEAD

- AHHHHHH NOOOOOO

- GOD DAMN

- Ahhhhhhh don’t touch people you don’t knooooow

- AHHHH DARK CLOSED OFF ROOM. ALONE. NO THANK YOU

- oh

- PFFFT MULDER

- bro you better leave that dog alone!

- SCULLY’S FACE

- her little shrug XD I love that she’s gotten to the point of enjoying the supernatural shit

- PFFFT THE YANK

- I love the sheriff please don’t die

- what the fuuuuuck

- MULDER ON THE FLOOR

- the way she steps over him help.XD

- oop

- oh my fucking god did he eat it?!?!?!?!

- PFFFFFFT MULDER'S POSE

- Calusari

- BUCKLES THE BABY TO THE SINK

- BRO THATS WHAT YOU GET, FUCKIN LEAVE THE KID WITH HIS DAD OR TAKE HIM IN THE STALL WTF

- oof, killed his baby brother for a balloon

- was that a swastika????

- oh shit it wasn't the kid

- it is the boy but it isn't?

- OH

- YEESH this is intense!!!

- oh hell

- ok there is no way Dana can explain that away

- F. Emasculata

- oh gross

- oh! gross!

- I hate ittttttt

- I'm gonna hate this episode so much

- thank god he's finally in isolation, him being so close to Scully was making me nervousssss

- putting a kid on a long journey bus alone????

- IT'S SO GROSS I CANNOT LOOK AT IT

- thank fuck that shit is over oml

- Soft Light

- ok so his shadow like, absorbs people??

- funkyyyyyy

- dude you're gonna get yourself and the others killed

- yup

- great work.

- aw man :(

- Our Town

- eew chicken factory

- oh god that is so gross

- Mulder at least take that big ass coat off if you're going in the water

- oh darn that's a lot of bones

- I do NOT like the sheriff

- oh what the FUCK

- WHAT THE FUCK

- HURRY MULDER

- YEAHHHHH

- freaky

- Anasazi

- OH

- why is he throwing hands with Skinner??

- wtf

- OH SHIT

- WHAT

- 😭

- oh my god the way he collapses into her arms 😭

- someone did something to him right? Like he didn't know why he attacked skinner and he's been sweating and confused

- oh yeah he's been poisoned hasn't he

- OH SHIT

- AHHHH WHAT THE HELL

- he looks like he's finally sobering up

- Sully should be here for this :(

- "you black lunged son of a bitch" PFFFT

- damn it I hate this guy!

- my question is how to the dude got the body out of there on a dirt bike

- WHAT IS HAPPENING

- way to go kid!!

- uh oh

Season 3

[zeebreezin]

hiii its @neathyingenue!! just gonna go ahead and admit i am hazy on some of harb's details. this is an au for beverley yeah? or is it him in the future

Hello my good friend MJ Neathyingenue!! Dw about it I’ve actually been meaning to make a semi-formal summary on him so!

The Scintillating Harbinger is the Sunless Skies AU of Beverley, so yeah technically it’s him in the future (the wonderful year of 1906), but also it’s not the only possibility of him in the futures. Thankfully.

In the Sunless Skies AU, Beverley’s search in London failed due to Shaw’s machinations (and boy howdy did he do some shit). He never found his Dawnlight suitcase bomb - but more importantly, he never found out that B survived the shipwreck they disappeared in. He left London assuming his life’s work and his best friend were both lost to the waves, and threw himself into his work as a means to cope. It helps up until it doesn’t, and then he gets weird about the New Sun to cope.

Fast forward a couple years, and he’s risen through the ranks enough to be working on the Clockwork Sun personally, and rises to the Skies with the rest of the New Sequence. Surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly) leaving his home and the only world he’s ever known Doesn’t help Beverley’s mental health. So he doubles down on his love for the sun - this is when the idea that he’s given up everything for it really becomes mission critical.

And then the Clockwork Sun starts glassing/Dazzling the senior engineers. By the time it’s Bev’s turn he’s kind of a mess. Insert the fic I just wrote here, where he manages to stall out his own death with a combination of blind faith and mastery of the Correspondance, binding bits of metal to his glassy side to make it usable. However this has horrible effects on his sanity and overall health, he’s in constant pain and isn’t even really aware of that fact anymore due to being high on that sunny supply.

In my mind, Beverley’s become to the Logoi as the Clockwork Sun is to a Judgement. He’s just stuck in a (somewhat) human body. Right now at least. That’s part of why everything on his ship is - effectively - bound to live in time with his machinery.

Now with insane levels of… everything, he doubles down into his work of making Judgement Light powered weaponry, a speciality that gets him Victoria’s attention. Bev even starts bending the trapping of Other Judgements to make his weapons of mass destruction like the Icarus looking ass he is. For stellar service during the Winchester War (read: war crimes), he was awarded both the Victoria Cross and a dubious position of importance. Legally he’s a captain (despite having way more functional power) of a research Locomotive, the Deliverance, not a war engine. He just… has permission to test the creations on board on enemies of the empire! That’s all!

He’s also still dying due to the damage to his body, but he doesn’t really care he’s got other things to worry about :)

The actual story of him involves his encounters with Shaw’s son, Everett, who he… really doesn’t like, considering his history with Shaw in this AU.

That’s the TL;DR!

[animentality]

(Leaps in askbox now its clear) Howdy! I'm curious about your opinions on the companions, like initial thoughts and now that you've clocked in an unhealthy (affectionate) amount of hours? We know what you'd change but how about everyone as is? Thanks!

Alrighty, I can finally answer this one...

Ok.

Man. This is gonna be a long one.

We're gonna start with the shorter opinions first.

Minthara:

I have not done a run where Minthara was alive in Act 2. I literally know almost nothing about her.

I think she's hot and has the sexiest voice of all the female characters, but I know nothing about her story, other than she was a lesbian with Orin. I do wanna try and romance her, but.

Who knows if I'll ever get around to it.

Minsc:

I get that he's a fan favorite from the old games, but I kind of hate him. He feels like fanservice, and I didn't get a nostalgia boner for him, so he does nothing for me as a character.

I honestly kill him. Not out of malice, just more out of, why even have him be here?

Plus I tend to go through the entire game without swapping my party members, because I'm pretending it's a real dnd campaign.

And I ain't changing my team comp for this weirdo who only shows up at the very end.

Sorry to his hamster when I kill him, though.

Jaheira:

She's ok. I don't hate her, but she doesn't do it for me. I don't get why she's Russian. And apparently the only Russian in the whole game.

She also feels like fanservice.

Plus she fucking drops ice storms on everyone's goddamn HEADS when they're already in Hunger of Hadar, and honestly?

We have beef. I let her die sometimes, for that crime specifically. I also skip her house, because it doesn't have good loot, besides the scimitars, and I don't play races or classes that use scimitars. like ever.

Halsin:

I like Halsin generally, he's inoffensive to me, but his "romance" is so bad. It's shallow, it feels tacked on, which it was, and everyone knows how much I HATE how little his sexual trauma is focused on.

I romanced him twice, and both times, I was underwhelmed and kind of shrugged him off.

He should just be a fling option like Mizora. He shouldn't have become a "romance" option. It's fine for him to be a big buff bear hippie that you can fuck, but a companion?

He's got nothing to do with Act 3. It's a detriment to his character and the game, tbh.

Ok, that's the smaller ones out of the way. Now mains:

Astarion:

I got into BG3 for Astarion.

I fully admit it. I saw a scene of him screaming at Tav for blasting him with the sun beam from the githyanki creche, and it was funny as fuck.

Neil Newbon is highly charismatic, and truly elevates a character I don't find that physically attractive. His personality and enthusiasm shine through, and his voice acting is superb. And I am a sucker for angst and redemption and themes of abuse and breaking free of toxic relationships. And darkly, I admit. I do like the more twisted nature of his backstory, the way he had to use his body to survive, has a bad relationship with sex, and was tortured repeatedly. As anyone who reads my writing knows...I am a disgusting sadistic pervert.

That being said.

I no longer like Astarion. Well. No. I like Astarion.

I don't like his fans, or his rhetoric. Astarion has the better writing of BG3, but the lack of nuance from his fans annoys the shit out of me, and overexposure to him as a character, since Tumblr and TikTok are obsessed with him?

No me gusta. I don't hate him as a character, but I can't stand to see Astarion is so perfect posts. He's not, and that's the whole point. He's awful, but you people don't appreciate that. I don't want to see Astarion x Tav headcanons. And I especially do not care about the BookTok crowd being obsessed with him because they just like a dommy vampire, and disrespect his narrative with absolutely no self awareness.

BookTok Astarion is SO GODDAMN BORING. They really just reduce him to a hot dommy vampire daddy, and that's why I never take BookTok recs. Pure garbage.

So. TL;DR - I got BG3 for him, but overexposure to his fans made me be significantly less interested in him. It's a good thing. If I was obsessed with Astarion, I'd be forced to interact with his fans. Thank god for Gortash... I'm free of that prison.

Lae'zel:

I loved Lae'zel the minute she was mean to me.

She's hot as fuck, like seriously, so hot, her neck makes me sweat something fierce, and her voice is sultry and raspy and hostile. just how i like my women.

But I admit...she's too fucking meta. gameplay wise, she's probably the strongest companion you can have for DPS...so I admit...I've had her on my teams so much, that I am sick of her.

And again! It's not because she's badly written. I actually think her character is really strong, and really awesome. I also think her arc is amazing, going from this devoted cult member to basically saying I'm going to fucking kill a god.

I actually teared up a little at the creche this one time, when I had to beg her to stay, and she was like, you knew I had no other path to follow, but this one, or something like that.

But.

But I have beaten the game with her in my party like three times. I've had her in my party on Honor mode like...a million times.

So, tl;dr - I love her to death, but gameplay wise, she's so strong that I can't play her anymore.

Shadowheart:

Ok...I admit it.

I don't like Shadowheart. I find her boring visually, because she's just this generically hot white girl. She was designed to be the companion that all straight cis white men would want to see naked, and that's fine but uh.

Does absolutely nothing for me.

I don't care for her personality either. I don't like her lines, all coy and vaguely condescending. I don't really like how mean she is to you, and it's different from Lae'zel, because at least Lae'zel came from a warrior culture that doesn't put much value on flowery language. Lae'zel makes sense.

Shadowheart is an amnesiac who's just mean to you because.

I also don't care for her story, at all.

Don't care about Shar's Gauntlet or her kidnapped backstory. Don't give a shit about her parents. Don't care that she's scared of wolves or that her hand hurts.

I like the overarching thematic bridge that her character exists on, specifically that the gods will demand everything of you, and will hurt you for their own amusement.

But as a companion...no.

I have never been interested in romancing her. I never have her on the party, except to get that achievement.

I also don't like clerics. I think they're kind of weak, tbh. They're heal bots. They're really only good for spirit guardians, glyph of warding, and removing status effects. Just don't care for that. I'm an all dps team, we have no room for healers.

TL;DR: I don't think Shadowheart is interesting design wise, story wise, or gameplay wise.

Karlach:

I loved Karlach the moment I saw her, I fell deeper in love with her the second I heard her voice, and I knew I would die and kill for her, when I saw her excited "I love you" confession scene.

Seriously.

I have said this before, and I will say it again.

Out of all of these characters, romanceable or not...

I would only marry Karlach in REAL LIFE. I'd never date a man like Gortash or Astarion. I might be friends with Gale, but he's too smart to be my boyfriend.

But Karlach. She brings the wife energy. She could throw me over her shoulder and bash me against the concrete, and I would say thank you, ma'am.

she's also so fucking fun to play. barbarian options in bg3 are so goddamn funny. you can intimidate everyone and just break shit. it's great. you can also constantly throw people AT PEOPLE. And it's great. She's way more fun than Lae'zel because of it.

No notes. Top tier character design. My wife.

But also FUCK the developers for only giving her two fucking quests, one of which is a FETCH IT quest and the other is just a lame boss fight.

And FUCK THEM for only originally giving her an ending where she either dies or becomes a mindflayer. WHY.

And the Avernus ending still annoys me, because the ENTIRE PARTY should be there too.

FUCK YOU LARIAN. Why do you hate Karlach???? You're monsters. She's never done anything wrong, and yet all you do, is wrong her.

Bullshit.

Wyll:

Ok.

Hard truth time.

Wyll is the hottest male companion.

Like.

No cap. Everyone who says Gale, or Astarion, or Halsin-

Incorrect. It's Wyll. He is literally so hot, with the white eye and those sexy throat scars. Hrrrrrrr.

Also, controversial opinion. I actually like his devil form.

I think it makes him even hotter. I do wish he had wilder hair, though.

That being said...

He's horribly underwritten.

I went in, thinking, he's so kind and nice and hot...and then I was disappointed by how little they gave him.

He, like Karlach, got hit with the cut content curse.

And it's so ugly.

And gross.

And honestly, I suspect it's racist.

But yeah.

I think he's really sweet and I like romancing him and all. But they didn't dedicate any time or effort to his romance, and I hate that. But not him. Never him.

TL;DR - my first impression of Wyll was wow, he's hot, I wanna know more about him, and my last impression is, wow, he's so hot, I hate that he has nothing going on because Larian simply didn't bother to give him shit to do.

Gale

Alright, I left Gale for last, because he has the MOST complicated relationship with me.

So I initially missed Gale, because my friend failed the strength check to get him out of the portal.

So for a while, I didn't even know he existed.

Then I started to see more of him on Tiktok and Tumblr, and I was like oh...ok. So...we missed him. Damn.

So I decided to try romancing him fairly early on....only to find out...

I absolutely despised that when he dies, he killed me with necrotic damage.

That pissed me off. In the early days, when I was new to the game, I think I once had a whole team wipe, because Gale and Lae'zel went down, and then Karlach went rampaging, set me on fire, and then died to Gale's necrotic...which is funny in hindsight, but it was annoying at the time.

The eating magical items thing was mildly annoying, but that was far worse.

I pretty much never ran Gale for a long period of time.

As the Dark Urge, I'd often kill him, in fact, just so I wouldn't have to deal with his Arcane Hunger.

And honestly, initially, I kind of disliked his personality too.

I think the first scene I ever saw of him was when you tell him he's ok in bed, and his response is like, I guess I'll go kill myself.

And honestly, I thought he had incel vibes because of it. Then add to the fact that he's rude to you, no matter what, when he needs his third item...and also add that to the annoying gameplay, PLUS the fact.

That I was rocking Sorceror and Warlock for most of my early runs, so didn't need a wizard...I said, no. No Gale.

I don't like Gale.

BUT.

Here's the thing, right?

I got into Gortash... and then I stepped away from Astarion. Started being obsessed with the Dark Urge...

And then I noticed that all of my Durgetash friends were super into Gale, and I didn't get why...

But then weavewithshadow specifically alerted me to the fact that... there are Gale and Gortash parallels...specifically, that they're both brilliant, scruffy, are blinded by ambition, can't appreciate the things they have, and keep chasing after things they can't quite reach.

And then I was like...ok, maybe I've been harsh on him...

So I did his romance...and I felt bad.

Because he's actually very sweet.

And his voice is reallllly lovely when it's soft and fond.

He's a poet...and then I felt bad for all the times I had chewed off his arm.

And honestly, with experience...I now know what to feed him. Mostly garbage magic items like Komira's dumb locket or the ring of color spray from the harpies' nest, or those dumb boots that electrify the water you stand in.

Plus, I'm smart enough to know how to keep Gale alive now, so the necrotic thing isn't an issue.

So.

So. TL;DR I had a very complicated relationship with Gale, first with his mechanics, then with this random out of context scene where he's kind of nasty to you. But I came around, and honestly...right now...I like him more than Astarion.

All he wants to do is...live.

And I relate to that.

And his romance scenes are nice, and he has more of an arc than most of the other companions, Astarion aside.

So there you go, anon.

This took forever to write.

Thanks for the ask, though.

[swoonbots]

Various Writing Ideas For Welcome Home

(that I'm probably not going to write so are free to grabz just tag me so I can see it -Mod Comet)

--

Neighborhood Polycule Fic where the human reader is the one who teaches everyone about romance and it ends with everyone being in a relationship together. (I actually have a few scenes I mind for this. Julie pulling the reader away from a party to get more kisses. Wally kissing Howdy out of the blue because he doesn't quite understand that it's not socially acceptable for that)

Neighborhood reacting to a reader in a depression episode (and them not understanding at first.)

Neighborhood with a reader who has sensory issues (specifically hearing) so they go to the big parties. So the neighborhood adapts and spends one-on-one time instead

Neighborhood Love Languages List (and examples!!)

Fic about Wally keeping his friends in a happy little bubble. As in Wally is aware of the bad things in the world, but is pretending that they don't exist so his friends will never have to feel fear.

Neighborhood who works together to keep reader living with them.

Kitty Reader!!! Who purrs and cuddles nicely

Puppy reader who hates Eddie with a burning passion (his crime is being a mailman)

[gunslinginnhogtyin]

CON. // @forestofforever

Butch had never received this sort of attention before, save from a few folks who tended to think he was some sort street performer, so he’s delighted to be asked about his attire—something that was deeply sentimental to him having been made by an old partner in crime of his.

“Oh, this leather? S’cow hide! Me an’ a good friend’f mine dried, stretched, an’ tanned it all ourselves!” He says excitedly, wearing a grin all the while. “She did all th’ stitchin’ f’course….I hear ya’ll got fancy fake leather these days, though—what’s it called again? Pleather…? Or somethin’ like that…”

He watches them circle him and tries his best to turn as they do to show off what details he’s aware of in his outfit. Their inquiry about recording his voice though, has him curious. “R’cord me…?” He feels like he’s heard that word before in regards to fancy techno-malology stuff, but can’t quite place it. “Ah, sure!” An easy going laugh leaves him. He’s flattered by this strangers words, even if it’s all in the name of art.

“Why not? Ain’t got nothin’ else goin’ on t’day! Errr, can I bring my horse ‘long with me? She won’t be no trouble! I’d jus’ feel better if she weren’t causin’ a ruckus on th’ streets, heh!” And without warning, two fingers move to his mouth and he whistles incredibly loudly. Only seconds later they would hear hoofs beating against the pavement, growing closer until it slows to a trot and a blonde speckled mare is approaching them.

“This fellas tryna turn me int’ a model! Ain’t that somethin?” He says to his horse, patting her neck affectionately once she’s close enough. She whinnies quietly in response and shakes her mane out. “Boy howdy, free admission? I’ll take it! Name’s Butch, by th’ by. Ain’t ever talked to a real life ar-teest b’fore! Who do I owe th’ pleasure?”

[captainteague]

In modern AU, does Teague work or do any drugs? Also, was Teague ever suspicious about Jack and Christophe's friendship given their 12+ years age gap (in both modern AU and the actual timeline)?

Howdy nonnie, I totally forgot I had this in my drafts so I apologize for the time it took to respond.

Does Teague work? Yes... I mean, it's not legal work but it's work. He was born into a close-knit crime family, originally run by his mother. He dropped out of his last year of secondary school and began doing jobs soon after. Although Anne never relinquished complete control Teague did go on to run their illicit businesses for a little over a decade. He retired for a short time after Maria's death before taking up crime again, although this time a much more hands off role.

Do any drugs?: Lol. Yes. Most of his drug-use was in his teens and 20's. He cleaned up quite a bit after meeting Maria. He's also a functioning alcoholic.

Christophe: Teague is aware of Christophe, moreso in canon than modern. In canon he was very aware of Christophe simply because Jack had known him for such a long time and obviously idolized him. Teague always had a bad feeling about Christophe. He was fairly successful at compelling distance. Jack was on his crew and his schedule was dictated by that. However, as Jack became a young adult it was increasingly hard to control him. Teague never outright said "I don't want you seeing Christophe" because he knew that would propel Jack further into his grasp. His tactic was more along the lines of 'keep Jack busy and hope Christophe eventually fucks off' which, as we know, did not work.

In modern, Teague was far less aware of the severity of the situation until it was too late. He was vaguely aware Jack was hanging out with Christophe and knew that Christophe was older, but didn't know the gap was 12+ years. Even if he did, I don't know if he would have done anything. I mean, what could he do? Murder? Sounds extreme. Tell Jack "no"? The boy would have done the opposite. Tell Christophe to fuck off? Sorta ineffective.

Truth be told, in either case Teague had no idea how malevolent Christophe was. Sure, the age gap was a little strange but you have to consider that Teague and Jack were both made into adults while they were still kids. It wasn't super abnormal. For fucks sake, in canon Jack didn't even meet a girl kid until he was, like, 10 years old. Lol.

[indecisive-dizzy]

Hi pookie I ORDERED A WALLY PLUSHIE :DDDD

He’s coming home I’m so happy :,3

So in celebration have some Flora/Wally headcanons

Flora holds him like a teddy bear. She carries him around and holds him up like a kitty

Whenever he falls, she’s quick to pick him up so he doesn’t lay there for hours

Flora steals apples from Howdy’s store under her hat and gets away with it cause Daisey distracts him with conversation. She never even eats the apples, she just gives them to Wally

Flora is uncomfortable around Home, but she tolerates it for Wally’s sake. Cause that’s literally his house. She kinda has to be around Home to be around Wally most of the time

Besides Julie, Wally’s the only other person to see Flora with horns. He proceeds to paint her with them every time he paints her and she can’t even complain cause she finds it adorable

Unrelated but I’m changing Honey’s lore, he’s now Aunt Toodaloo’s son for no reason other than it fits. He is now the sassy shitty cousin who shit talks everyone

I imagine on a beach episode that the two of them either sit on floaties in the water, sit in the shade and stare at everyone’s shenanigans, or they make sandcastles together

Wally tried to braid Flora’s hair once, but he ended up tangling it really bad so she has to cut a giant knot out of her hair. Luckily her hair is super dark and thick so it wasn’t noticeable, but he didn’t braid it after that

I think Flora gets sad in secret really often, so she just hugs him like a teddy bear. He comforts her

He doesn’t find her scary. Even when she’s trying to scare people, he won’t find her scary. He just thinks “Miss Flora @:)”

Hand size difference! Her hands a large (human sized) and cold, while his hands are small and warm. They hold hands often, it calms them down

He’s seen her whole demon/ink spirit form before, it just reminds him of Home and So Below so he isn’t creeped out

Both self aware, but while Wally’s silent about it with the neighbors, Flora is constantly making jabs and mentions to it that no one notices besides Eddie and Wally/Home

Daisey notices too but they get taken apart and rebuilt without any memories of being self aware, so they never remember

She can give herself fangs, so he paints them sometimes and everyone corrects him that she doesn’t have fangs. But she does and he paints them :)

She doesn’t sleep and he can’t sleep properly, so they have sleepovers where they don’t sleep and just paint the whole night

Unrelated also but I’m experimenting with ads and products that can be advertised with my ocs. Specifically Daisey with “cheery pills”, which are actually antidepressants that are being advertised to the adult parents watching. I think it helps with the implications that Daisey uses them and how it seems innocent but the problem and reason why they use them is deeper than it’s portrayed. I think it’s a neat idea :3

She has a couple other outfits she only ever wears to hang out with either Daisey or Wally (and sometimes Barnaby), and they’re either what a cartoon teacher would wear, or just matching outfits cause why not

Matching hair clips are a need, they have like 30

She’s not the best artist, but she tries for him

Flora is fr just the teacher friend, she’s always teaching these dumbasses something. She might as well have a school at this point

I’m low on ideas but they :3

also I’m exploring more Daisey aus outside of welcome home

Like- I made a Butcher Daisey au i made with like hella lore I still need to really formulate into a cohesive story but I’ve got a design and a whole drag/formal attire for them and just- aughhhhh I love Daisey Dollops so much that’s my baby 😭

WOOHOO!! I hope the little peanut has a safe journey to you!

Wally is the perfect size for holding,, Flora is so lucky sigh

Gift giving love language but also stealing for them <3 we love crimes

I'm defending Aunt Toodaloo, she doesn't know how Honey ended up like that >:'/ but she still loves him ofc

hand size difference 🥺 that's so cute

need some of those cherry pills- cough

Yay OC Aus! They're so fun,, if I got nearly as invested in my lil guys as I do other characters,, I couldn't imagine how many I would have. I'd have no space on my phone it'll all be taken by my notes app

[onlinecorvus]

Hey so I’ve just discovered your crime au and it has my in a dang chokehold rn lmao so wanted to know more about it so you got any random facts you can share?

🦀 anon

Ah... let me think... what have I not talked about...

well, the. oc team isn't complete. it's missing a few more kinds of characters 1. a weapon's expert kind of character 2. a bombs expert 3. a supplier kind of character. if your or other people could participate that would be delightful! though, I doubt you will crab anon. mainly because well.. you're anonymous ha

i can't promise that all the information here is new. because some aren't but there are new ones!

Eddie has a niece in this au. she's a oc of a friend of mine.

Home is terrifying. He is a Train-Creature, but a noticeable thing about him is that he has legs. many legs. he is a train centipede thing.

a thing about this au, and about me is that I make things, accurate. I'm redesigning Howdy and he is a centaur-like creature however with more accurate caterpillar anatomy. having 8 proto-legs (false legs) and 6 arms. Howdy... oh boy... Howdy. if you ask me which one of them has the most amount of trauma. it'd be him.

Sally is schizophrenic. and she is not doing well. She verbally says what she sees though, and when they're hallucinations the others pay no mind to it and ignore the hallucinations so Sally understands, yea, they're hallucinations and they all move on with their day.

Wrenly Hates coffee. Anne hates tea. they both fight over the kettle every morning for no more than 5 minutes before they come to a decision. The rest of the office kinda just... stand by and ignore.

BARNABY SPENDS ALL HIS MONEY.

Eddie is scared. constantly.

Anne knows how many people are looking at her. She doesn't know who, but she knows how many and uses it to her advantage. (please be aware I'm not the creator of Anne. That pleasure goes to @welcomehomeartfanatic)

I think it's obvious, so I'll say it now. Anne is Frank's sister. She changed her appearance to appear different to him, but at the end of the day, they are related.

Wrenly back in College was a rizzler, let me tell you that. and heavily traumatized. was going to put a list but realised how damned it is.

Poppy was once a mother.

Howdy is not an official member of the Playfellows merely a supplier.

Home and a crucial character in the plot are brothers.

Julie may love her siblings in the au, but they do not love her back. at all.

Wally

and all their blood types? yea here they are: Wally: O+ Julie: RB- (New blood type Rainbow. rare.) Sally: W- Frank: M+ Eddie: R+ Barnaby: C- Poppy: RB+ Howdy: Y+

that's all i can think of for now, i hope it's not too little.

[ardenssolis]

There's really no reason for Booty to be here, it's just self indulgence at this point

Boothill couldn't really say what was going on or who this man was, but the eye contact between them made the situation a bit awkward. Granted, it could be argued that the Ranger was 'in the wrong', bag slung over his shoulder with goods and foot hiked up on the windowsill to heft him over and into the building. But who was really to say what was wrong here?

"Uh...Howdy." Of course, naturally, this situation didn't stop him from fully entering the space. "Don't mind me, mister--" There's a look to appreciate the stranger's attire before he continues. "...Mister." What was the opposite of Mistress? Was it just Mister? Mistre? Whatever. Who knows maybe this guy wasn't a Mistress at all, maybe he was just a guy. A very handsome guy, hold on maybe he should ask for his hair care-- uh-uh, no distraction..

Boothill rummages through the bag and sets down a snack as a bribe, then brings a finger to his lips in a 'shh', before attempting to pass him.

❝…❞ Who in the world was this and why were they staring at him? There wasn’t supposed to be anyone in this particular area, which was one of the reasons that Ozymandias was present to begin with as he did value his privacy. However, out of nowhere this…most peculiar looking man just came out of nowhere. Slowly his gaze drifted to the bag the other had in hand, a brow raising with faint curiosity. A thief? Well, that was none of his business, really. It wasn’t his things that were stolen (he was quite sure about that), so why bother to care? Frowning, he narrowed is eyes a little at that rather prolonged stare. Yes, he was aware of how breathtaking he was to behold to the average individual, yet even so…what atrocious manners. At least apologize for entering someone’s space without permission! ❝You are staring a bit hard, whoever you are. At least introduce yourself first.❞

     Not that they would.

     They were a thief, after all. It was probably bad enough that Ozymandias was witness to their crime. His brows furrowed with ever growing confusion as a snack was placed down – w-was…was that a bribe? Were they trying to bribe him? Hmm…acceptable. He would let this slight pass for the time being and allow this stranger to continue with their heist or whatever it was that was going on here. As they sought to pass him, he turned his head a little, just enough to watch the other from the corner of his eye. ❝The area for the most part is clear over here, though I do recommend you still be careful just in case someone else decided to have the same idea I did when coming here.❞