#How was this year so short and long at the same time

[norrisjpg]

only angel - ʟɴ⁴

in which, lando's best friend finally admits she's not the most experienced in the bedroom - and that's all it takes to flip their innocent dynamic.

part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten

contains; fluff, soft dom!lando, nsfw, smut; clitoral stimulation, implied masturbation, implied squirting, praise kink, mentions of fingering; inexperienced!femoc, talks of loss of virginity, swearing.

...

...

angelic rays of sunlight beamed in through the open windows of a monaco apartment, illuminating the body splayed out on the tangled white sheets of a large bed. it was summer, the air smelt of salt and ice cream, the clouds were nowhere to be seen, and the gentle breeze floated through the crisp air like a melody.

the softest of groans escaped her lips as she rolled away from the very thing that had woken her, and in her slightly hungover state, she had failed to notice how close she was to the edge of her moderately high bed.

thud!

"fuck," lily groaned, laying on the floor in a puddle of last night's carelessly discarded clothes.

footsteps echoed around the apartment, sounding like they were getting closer but she couldn't tell if it was just her throbbing head making things up. lily took a moment to glance downward, feeling a little cold at the loss of her duvet. she was wearing a bra - ew, why had she slept in a bra? - and her underwear was still on, albeit a little lower than what would be considered modest.

she gently pulled them up and managed to drag herself to her feet, and of course, this is when her door swung open. there he was - the reason for her hungover state - in all his glory, looking too good for this time in the morning.

"i heard a bang, are you okay?" lando asked, tilting his head at the girl, who looked a little dishevelled and very tired.

"fell out of bed." she murmured. "i hate you."

"how is it my fault that you fell out of bed?" he retorted, scrunching his face up in the same way he always did.

"because you got me drunk, and now i'm hungover, you twat." she huffed, picking up the clothes on the floor and tossing them into her laundry basket, not bothered by her lack of clothing in front of him.

"oh, get over yourself." lando rolled his eyes with a playful grin.

her response was a grumpy middle finger and she shooed him out of her bedroom, mumbling something about a beauty sleep and how men are so annoying - so lando just left her to it.

in all honesty, his mind had been running at a million miles an hour all morning - reeling from something lily had so casually mentioned last night.

"hey, i'm not a slut!" she slurred, in the cutest way possible.

a joking comment had been made by one of her closest friends, alexandra, about how her dress was a little slutty, and in all honesty it was. alex knew she could say these things to lily because well, they had been best friends before lily even knew who lando was... so a long time.

"if anything, i'm the opposite of a slut." lily giggled softly, leaning back into lando, his arm was draped over her shoulders. "harry and i never had sex anyway and-"

before she could elaborate, their friends returned with the next round of drinks, and the topic of conversation switched rapidly.

surely not.

harry and lily had dated for five years, from when she was sixteen, until she was twenty-one. their relationship was great, until new years' eve of twenty-nineteen came around. lily was well aware that harry was growing impatient with her. harry wanted sex, lily didn't feel she was ready yet. it's not that she felt pressured, but that she wanted to please him, so here she was. to cut a long and slightly traumatic story short, lily had gotten scared as harry was unzipping his jeans - and literally ran away.

somehow, the couple didn't break up for another two years - but the real reason behind that was that once harry realised he wasn't going to be - in his words - 'hitting it' any time soon, he found release in the grasp of some girl he went to college with in maranello. he cheated on lily for two years, and she didn't suspect a thing until he came to visit her after the covid lockdown.

they'd gone out for lunch, and harry had let it slip that he'd had to buy plan b pills recently - and well, that was the end of that.

now, it was news to lando that she and harry hadn't ever gotten intimate with each other - and well, he knew she hadn't brought anyone back to their apartment in time they'd been living together, but surely she'd been getting laid elsewhere.

it would make sense in some ways though. he always noticed how she'd flush a pretty pink colour when ever his hand lingered on her waist, how she'd look undoubtedly flustered whenever his gaze was trained on her, and how she'd become increasingly uncomfortable when a sex scene played in a movie they were watching.

surely not though, right?

lando's dangerous train of thought was interrupted by the soft thudding of footsteps travelling to his ears. his head snapped up to the girl rubbing her eyes, stood groggily behind the couch he was sat on.

"i thought you were having your beauty sleep?" lando teased, raising his eyebrows at the brunette girl, now dressed in the quadrant rugby shirt he had exclusively gifted her in january.

"couldn't sleep, my head hurts too bad." she mumbled, rolling her eyes at his teasing comment. "why do i let you get me drunk?"

"because you love me, duh." he responded, somewhat sassily, making a quiet laugh tumble from her lips.

"whatever, norris." she breathed out, walking over to the kitchen and grabbing some aspirin out of the cupboard below the sink.

she downed two pills along with a cold glass of water, wincing as she felt the cold liquid travel down to her stomach. lando's gaze was lingering, like it usually did - the way her throat bobbed as she swallowed, the way she squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her jaw as the pills were taken down in her pretty mouth - she was just so... enticing.

"come here." lando beckoned softly, gesturing for her to come lay with him. "you can nap here if you want."

"please." she groaned softly, plopping down on the couch next to me and immediately resting her head on his lap.

he noticed the goosebumps rippling across her skin, wondering whether he was causing them, or it was because she was cold. he went with the latter, and pulled the wool blanket on the armrest over her body.

"thankyou." lily murmured, reaching up for his hand to hold, innocently craving some physical touch.

he gently entwined their fingers, caressing her hand with his large thumb. within about three or four minutes, lily had drifted off into a sweet slumber, snuggling into lando's warmth.

...

it had been driving lando quite literally insane all day.

he didn't have the courage to straight up ask her if she was a virgin or not, so here he was, dancing around the question like a fucking tap dancer.

"so you and harry?" lando said quietly, almost praying that she wouldn't hear him.

her head snapped up from her phone, eyebrows knitted together in a confused frown. "yes?"

"well, i mean you never really told about why he's made you not want to date anyone." lando shrugged, his tone seeming a little apprehensive, not wanting to strike a nerve. "like i know he cheated on you, but was that the only thing?"

"um..." she pursed her lips, a little gobsmacked that he was even bringing up the subject of harry, a typically sore topic for her - but she answered nonetheless. "he always pushed me for sex, and... i wasn't ready back then."

"he didn't... did he?" the pause in lando's words made it clear what he meant.

"oh god, no, nothing like that, don't worry." lily shook her head quickly. "but we were like so close to doing it once, and i got scared - then he kind of just... never tried again."

"oh." oh? ask her the question, dumbass. "so... you didn't lose your virginity to him then?"

"no," the brunette shook her head softly.

"when did you lose it then?" lando said quickly, the words falling from his mouth before he even registered the question.

lily went what only can be described as crimson. it's not that she was embarrassed - well, actually she was. lily thought it was a bad thing - she was a literal model, and at the grand age of twenty-three, she still hadn't lost her v-card.

she hesitated, before murmuring, "i- uh... i haven't."

"oh." do you really not have anything better to say, dipshit?

"yeah." she pursed her lips once more, averting her gaze to an inanimate object somewhere in the room.

"do you want to?" lando himself now had no idea where this was going, he was kind of just rolling with whatever fell out of his mouth now.

"of course i do." she huffed. "it's just... i don't want to lose it to some random guy i meet on raya or some shit. and i feel like it's going to put people off, like they're going to think something is wrong with me."

a soft frown made its way onto lando's face, and he shook his head.

"nothing is wrong with you, lily." the brit reassured her. "don't ever think that there's something wrong with you because you weren't ready for sex when someone pushed you for it."

she fell quiet, taking in his words gratefully, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"anyway, i'd rather have some experience before i launch myself into dating again." she admitted, glancing up at lando to gage his reaction - she wasn't really sure what she was suggesting, but she wanted to see what lando thought of it. "but i just... don't know where to get said experience."

lando contemplated, trying to decide whether he should just offer himself up on a platter or not. in all honesty, the thought of her dating anyone else made him feel physically nauseous, let alone the new knowledge that she'd be letting someone else be her first - that made him want to die in a puddle of his own tears.

"well..." he began, his words trailing off. "i could always um... help you out."

she slowly lifted her head up, looking at him with a dazed expression, not sure if she'd heard him right. "what?"

"i wouldn't mind uh.. helping you gain some experience." lando repeated, a little more confident from seeing the dazed look in her eyes. "teach you what us guys like, teach you what you like."

lily blinked at her best friend, furrowing her eyebrows. "really?"

"if you'd be up for it, yeah." he nodded, leaning back against the couch a little more. "and we'd go slow, promise. we can take it at whatever pace you'd like, sweetheart."

the way he called her 'sweetheart' made her inner thighs tingle and heat pool in her lower tummy. she simply nodded, too in shock from this agreement they'd just made - was she really going to fuck her best friend in the somewhat near future?

"words, come on." he said slowly, gesturing for her to come to him on the other side of the couch.

"yeah, yeah." she breathed out, getting up and walking to him. "i want that."

"sit." he patted his lap, and she just stared, doe-eyed.

he chuckled softly, leaning up and grabbing her hips, pulling her down on his lap so she was straddling him, her face now at a level height with him.

"is this okay?" he murmured softly, pushing her hair behind her shoulder, mapping out all the places he wanted to kiss her.

"yeah," she breathed out. "i'll tell you if it's not."

"atta' girl." he praised softly, and could have whined at his words.

okay, so lando hadn't even touched her and he'd already discovered she had a praise kink - a good start.

instead of whining, her breath hitched and her cheeks flushed once again, earning a soft smirk from lando as he traced his index finger over her jawline.

"can i kiss you, pretty girl?" lando asked softly, now cupping her jaw with one hand, and drawing circles on her tummy with the other.

it's like her whole world stopped, that sentence was like music to her ears.

"yeah." she breathed out, eyes flicking over the drop-dead gorgeous features on his tanned face.

usually, lando was a sucker for rough sex, fast and hard. but, while he knew he had to be gentle with her - something else about her just made him want to treat her like glass. he wanted her to fall apart in his arms, but in the most loving and delicate way possible.

so, he leant in, his head a little tilted, briefly brushing their noses together before softly connecting their lips. her breath hitched and he could feel her body melting into his, the delicious weight of her feather-light body deepening into his lap. and that wasn't the only thing changing in his lap.

his cock was hard, painfully hard already. he was pathetic, he had literally only just kissed the girl and he was about ready to cum in his boxers.

the kisses were soft and delicate, tongue involved but it wasn't like he was about to devour her whole. he gently pried her legs apart a little further with his free hand, the one previously tracing circles onto her abdomen.

the most angelic of moans left her lips, and she seemed a little shocked, the movement of her lips faltering briefly. he opened his eyes, tilting her head back with the hand on her jaw, beginning his toe-curling attack on her neck. he nipped at the sensitive skin gently, soothing the area with his lips shortly after - repeating those actions had her a wet mess in his lap within minutes.

she was whining, whimpering, pleading with him to just do something, anything, everything.

lily's pretty pink lips were parted as soft, airy moans tumbled from her lips, her head still tilted back as he peppered kisses across all the right spots. his fingers were toying at the edge of her underwear in between her legs, relishing in the dampness coating his fingertips - she was soaked, the warm liquid coating the crease of her inner thighs.

he pulled his head away from her neck briefly, gazing at her for permission, earning a needy yes from the angel on top of him.

"wanna hear you, okay?" he told her gently, knowing that as this was her first time, she'd be more likely to hold back her pretty noises.

she nodded, biting her lower lip as her breathing turned a little more rapid and a little more shallow.

"good girl." he praised once more, and the heat rolled up her body once more.

lando slid his fingers underneath her panties, bunching them and pushing them to the side. her hips jolted a little as his knuckles brushed over her dripping folds, and he could have groaned at how sensitive the girl was.

"relax." he murmured softly, flicking his stare back up at her face.

he slid his index finger in between her folds, coating his thick fingers with her sweet juices. his jaw fell a little agape as he gaged just how wet she was.

"fucking hell," he murmured, but it fell on deaf ears, lily too focused on relaxing - her lower lip pulled between her teeth and her eyes fluttered closed.

he slid his ring finger beside his index, parting her folds and dragging his middle finger up and down her sensitive cunt.

the urge to just slip his fingers inside of her and make her cum until she couldn't speak was almost irresistible, almost.

he let her get used to the feeling, before switching his singular middle finger for the pad of his thumb, which he pressed directly against her clit.

"fuuuuck-" she moaned out, eyebrows arching as she tossed her head back. "so good- shit-"

lando just admired her as he slowly traced circles and figures of eights on her sensitive bundle of nerves - the most needy moans now falling from her lips frequently, the volume increasing in tandem with the speed of his thumb.

he increased the pressure and she doubled over into his body, pressing her head into his shoulder and biting down on his skin gently - earning a soft noise from him.

"lando- god-" she whined, moaning out his name like a fucking prayer.

he rubbed her back soothingly with his free hand, while increasing the speed of his thumb once more. her entire body was buzzing, bubbling with anticipation of the rapidly incoming orgasm. her lower abdomen was coiled tight, ready to snap at any moment now.

one particularly rough flick of her clit sent her spiralling, her thighs beginning to shake softly around him as she came, hard. sweet liquid gushed all over his hand as she moaned and whimpered his name loudly, coating his fingers as he slowed his movements to coax her through her intense orgasm. it was pure fucking bliss.

lily panted slowly into his neck, her head reeling from the best thing she'd ever felt in her entire life.

"you okay, baby?" lando asked quietly, pressing a soft kiss to her neck.

"fucking hell." she breathed out. "yeah, i'm good, so good."

he chuckled softly, looking at the seemingly-spent girl in his arms. he didn't want to push her any further today, she looked like she was going to fall asleep right there and then.

"come on, let's get you to bed." lando cooed softly, lifting her up from the couch and walking lily to her bedroom.

fuck, he was going to need a cold shower after that.

...

hello! this is my first official series, and i'm super excited about it! i don't have a name for it so feel free to suggest, and any comments in general are appreciated :)

[bewaryofpity]

NEXT STEP IS LOVE - L. HUGHES

[2.0k] luke brings you to the family skate, surprising his teammates, and the usual “i didn't know you had a girlfriend” comes up, but this time luke has enough of calling you just his best friend.

warnings: none ! just some cute ol' fluff; probably really cringey 😔

a/n: she's a short one, and i’m not really fond of it but here it is anyway. sorry guys :(

“Didn’t know Luke had a girlfriend.”

“That’s because he doesn’t. That is his best friend.”

“Bullshit.” Kovacevic laughed in Jack’s face before turning his head back towards Luke near the bench.

Luke was kind of a private person so the idea of him having a secret girlfriend would have made sense to anyone, especially to the new guys he wasn't close with yet. But when Jack revealed that the girl in front of Luke was simply a friend had to be the biggest lie Kovy ever got told. Because friends don’t look at each other that way.

Luke’s fingers were trembling as he tied the laces of your skates carefully, making sure they weren’t too tight or too loose. He felt nervous having you here with him, which was strange because it wasn’t like you’ve never been around the guys before, but the new season meant new guys too. Which also meant that the same old dreaded question was going to come up at any moment.

“Good?”

You nodded in response before stretching your hands out so Luke could help you up the bench. You were wobbly at first, as he tried to hold back the teasing grin creeping on his lips, definitely not used to being on skates as often as him. 

You slowly made your way onto the ice, clutching his hand like your life depended on it. He couldn’t help but keep his gaze on your concentrated face, cheeks flushed from the chill of the arena as you found your rhythm. He was lost in his thoughts, stomach filling with butterflies when your hands squeezed his tighter. And if it weren’t for the little squeak you left out, he would’ve let you fall.

“Sorry,” he said with no hint of honesty in his voice while you shot him a playful look. 

It wasn’t long before you found your footing and let go of his hands to skate side by side. There weren’t many chances for you to hang out with Luke in these settings. The last time you skated together was when he was still a rookie, and he almost got in trouble too many times for using the rink after hours just to teach you how to skate, but you loved every single moment of it. So when he realized your day off coincided with the family skate, he didn’t hesitate to mention it and you couldn’t wait to be there for him, doing something you know would make him happy.

Though, the only thing that was different from those times was the fact that holding Luke’s hands now had your heart doing funny tricks on you. The newfound warmth that has taken over your body in his presence this past year or so was unexpected and scary because you were well aware what this meant and you couldn’t lose Luke over a stupid crush. 

If only you knew that he too got to a point where hiding his feelings for you was actually painful. He tried everything to spend as much time with you as possible. Faking being too tired to drive back to his place and sleep on your couch, missing optional skates, staying up at night before an away game just to hear your voice, letting you nap and waking you up only to convince you to spend the night at his place because i don’t want you to drive, it’s too dark outside and dangerous. It was all worth it in his eyes. But the ache in his chest everytime he had to leave you was becoming harder to suppress than he thought and he couldn’t take it anymore.

As he tried to grab at your brushing hands, Pesce stopped abruptly in front of you and almost knocked you down in the process. 

“Didn’t know Rusty here had a girlfriend.” He said with a grin before turning his attention to Luke, wiggling his brows in a teasing maner.

“Oh, no, I'm just a friend.”

“Oh.”

“His best… friend, actually.” You tried to smile as sincerely as you could. The question never bothered you before, you two were close enough that such was expected, but the way Luke couldn’t look at you during the exchange with his teammate created a pit in your stomach.  

Before he could take you away from the awkwardness of it all, Cotter skated over too. “Here we go,” mumbled Luke. 

“Meeting the girlfriend without me?” 

“Not the girlfriend apparently.”

"Really?" He asked, his tone skeptical as his eyes flicked between you. "Could’ve fooled me."

Luke groaned, not missing the way his teammates exchanged knowing looks and chuckling under their breaths. He couldn’t really blame his teammates for jumping to conclusions. If he were in their shoes, he might have assumed the same thing, it happened way too often anyway.

He grabbed at your hand and pulled you towards him, skating as far as possible from everyone. Was it really that obvious he liked you? Yet, you were still by his side, seemingly not phazed by the constant nagging and teasing from outsiders about your relationship, which could only mean that you didn’t like him back. 

Luke was tired of all of this and the months he spent burying his feelings for you, convincing himself that your friendship was enough, were all coming down on him now with everyone assuming you were a couple. Feeling heavy, he hoped the family skate came to an end soon.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry about them.”

“That’s okay.”

You nodded but didn’t press further, not yet at least. Your hand came to rest around his bicep, seeking his warmth and pretending to need balance as you grew tired. 

The easy rhythm you found earlier was now gone. Luke could tell you were trying to bring yourself comfort by staying close to him, though you kept your gaze on the ground which could only mean you were absorbed in your thoughts. And he hated that it was all his fault, he hated the idea of you thinking he was embarrassed or annoyed by the assumption that you were together. Because he wasn’t, he had dreamed of being your boyfriend more times than he‘d like to admit. And he wanted nothing more than being able to call you his. 

Sensing your exhaustion, he led the way towards the bench to change back into normal shoes. The rink was quieter now, families thinning out. You leaned back, stretching your legs, and looked at him with a small frown on your lips. You didn’t have time to reach down when he brought up one of your feet to untie your skate.

“What’s on your mind, Luke?” 

Luke hesitated, his fingers fumbling with your skate laces. “Nothing.” 

“It’s not nothing, Luke. You’re too quiet, what’s wrong?”

“Does it not bother you when people ask if we’re a couple?”

You blinked at him, startled by the question. It wasn’t what you expected, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. Luke had stopped untying your skate, his hands frozen mid-motion as he waited for your answer. His expression was unreadable, but you could see the tension in his shoulders and the way his jaw tightened.

“Bother me?” You repeated softly, the chill of the rink seemed to seep into your skin, though you weren’t sure if it actually was the cold temperature or the sudden shift in the conversation. “No, not really. I mean, it happens all the time, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Luke nodded slowly, looking down at your skate again. He resumed working on the laces, but his movements were slower now, almost hesitant. You shifted slightly, your other foot tapping lightly against the rubber mat beneath the bench. 

“Does it bother you?” You tilted your head, watching him carefully. 

Luke let out a quiet sigh and dropped his hands on your leg. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “Sometimes, I guess. Not because of what they think, but… because of what it implies.”

“And what does it imply?” 

You echoed, your voice barely above a whisper. Your heart began to race, the steady rhythm you’d been clinging to slowly slipping away. You couldn’t help but search his face for clues, for anything that might explain the sudden vulnerability in his tone.

Luke hesitated, his green eyes flicking up to meet yours for something — permission, maybe, or courage. And for a moment, he seemed to be weighing his next words, his brows drawing together in a way that made your chest ache. 

“Luke…”

“I like you,” he said, the words tumbling out in a rush, as if he was afraid he’d lose his nerve if he waited any longer. “I’ve liked you for a while now and I’ve been trying so hard to pretend that I don’t. I can’t stand being apart from you, I need you close to the point where I am not my own person anymore. I’m tired of the ache in my chest everytime I have to leave you, not just for roadies, but every time we part ways, it’s like I’m a different person without you that I can't recognize.”

“When they say stuff like that, it just makes it harder because I want it to be true. I want us to be more than just friends. I want to wake up next to you and come home to you every day.”

You blinked, clearly caught off guard. You tried to open your mouth as if to speak, but he pressed on, the words tumbling out like water breaking through a dam. His words started fading in your racing mind. His confession hung in the air heavy and raw, and all of it felt like you’ve been hit by a truck. Luke, your best friend, liked you and you were glad he hadn't stopped talking because, truly, you didn’t know what to say.

Luke’s heart felt like it might burst from his chest, every beat echoing in his ears as he braced himself for rejection, for awkwardness, for the possibility that he’d just ruined everything. The silence that followed when he stopped taking felt like an eternity. And for a moment, you just stared at him, expression unreadable. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I just… wanted you to know.”

You dropped your foot to the ground and scooted closer to him. As he turned to face you, your hand pressed against his cheek and you leaned in to place a delicate kiss on his lips. It was soft, almost hesitant, but it was enough to make Luke freeze. His mind blanked, and for a moment, he wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it. When you pulled back, your face was mere inches from his, your hand still lingering on his cheek. Your cheeks were flushed, though whether from the cold or the weight of the moment, he couldn’t tell.

His heart pounded in his chest as you bit your lip, your hand dropping from his face to rest on your lap. 

“It’s always been you, Luke.” Your gaze met his once more, the blush on his cheeks making him cuter than he ever looked. Luke’s eyes widened, still incredulous even after your kiss. 

“Really?”

“Really.” You smiled, a small, tentative curve of your lips as you nodded.

He leaned forward slightly clearing his throat, his eyes searching yours. “Can I kiss you again?” He asked, voice barely audible.

This time, the kiss wasn’t hesitant or fleeting. It was soft and tender, a promise of everything you both hoped to build together. When you finally pulled apart, your foreheads rested against each other, and for the first time in a long while, everything felt right.

“Hey, lovebird! Tone it down a bit, there’s kids around.”

Luke groaned at one of the guys’ teasing from the other side of the rink, and you laughed at his antics, the weight on your shoulders had finally been lifted off. 

“So… does that mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” You didn’t know your cheeks could flush any more, and smiling at his question, you reached up to brush a stray strand of hair from his face.

“Eh, I’ll have to think about that.”

[moltenapian]

> assuming the dom is a man

> assuming the dom is doing it because they like to see the sub suffer instead of doing it purely as an exercise in making their sub feel good in the ways that best work for them

Like fr

Not to get too personal on main but I've been pretty seriously SAd fairly continuously over a period of about five years of my life. Without going into details, it's led to pretty serious drives to self-harm. More beneath the cutoff of you want to read, I guess. It's late so I'm going to be very personal.

Drives that have been rewarded by society at large, in fact. Exercising 25 hours a week on less than 1800 calories a day, while it absolutely ruined my body in the long, made me one of the best rowers in my state in the short term. Nobody pulled me aside and told me that it was unhealthy, that I'd hurt myself, that in four years I'd hardly be able to function and certainly not in any high level athletics. No, they just cared I was faster at racing boats than the others.

I sought self harm in a lot of ways, none of which were controlled. Staying up far too late and working much longer hours than I should have. Not eating anywhere near enough in order to maintain my thin figure. All of it, rewarded and encouraged.

Only after some very severe health scares and deep reexamination of my situation did I really truly identify these drives and how they affected me in such an unhealthy manner. I can't get rid of them. After five years of consistent sexual trauma (and otherwise but we don't need to worry about that) those things are rooted too deep to excise.

But now that I'm in a healthy relationship with a partner who is accepting and understanding of my hangups, trauma triggers, and the things which I need to be able to function in a relationship, I've been able to deal with these impulses in a healthy way.

Better to handle that stuff in a scene where absolutely everything is agreed upon by both parties beforehand, safewords are strictly enforced, and nothing gets pushed too too far. Just enough to stop the part of my brain that wants me to hurt to be satiated for a while. My instincts for self harm are almost entirely abated with occasional "rough" sex and bitter drinks (ngl in my experience a very good way to alleviate those feelings).

Anyways, these days I've been sleeping enough, eating enough, and the healthiest and happiest I've ever been in my life. A productive environment to be able to work out those feelings is really invaluable, and I'm glad to have it.

All this goes to say... it sounds like OP either hasn't practiced safe BDSM (which is a very real risk, don't get me wrong) or is simply judging something based on an emotional/moral reaction. Anyways the criticisms really don't hold up, and tbh in 98% of cases competitive sports teams rely on the same dynamics and are wayyyy more unhealthy. I could write a whole essay on this but now is not the time.

This post is stupid as hell and I'm certainly sorry I (and you all) had to see it

not me printing and framing this shit

[caitified]

Hihi really love your fics. Its my first ask haha. Was maybe thinking if you could do a fic of CC and a teammate, teammate can be either a rookie/vet but is kinda cold to CC (really just kinda awkward with new people). When CC gets shoved roughly on court, reader gets all up in the opps face and protects CC and their relationship deepens from there?

Thank you!

rookie season

caitlin clark x reader

warnings:none, i got carried away so you’re getting their entire backstory sorry 🙊

the first time you and caitlin clark really crossed paths was in the championship game during your senior year at lsu. she was the face of iowa basketball, and you could tell from the moment you saw her on the court that she had something special. she was confident, fierce, and competitive—just like you. but in the end, your team pulled ahead, winning the title in front of a packed crowd.

as the final buzzer sounded, you couldn’t help but catch her eye. there was a mutual respect, but there was also that playful rivalry. on the court, you were opponents, but off it, you could tell you had a little bit of a thing for each other. you knew that fire in her eyes. it mirrored your own.

after the game, you shot her a quick text. “close, but not close enough. see you soon clark,” you wrote, the taunting light in your words meant to sting just a little. but it was all in good fun.

caitlin stared at the message for a long time, a frown tugging at her lips. she was already upset about the loss, but this—this was a challenge, and she couldn’t ignore it. she hated losing, but she hated being underestimated more. her fingers hovered over the screen for a few seconds before typing out a response. “i’ll get you next time. count on it.”

the rivalry continued through the years, even as you went your separate ways. after graduation, you entered the wnba, getting drafted to the indiana fever, and had an incredible rookie season. caitlin, meanwhile, went on to dominate her final year at iowa. but despite her skill and talent, she couldn’t overcome south carolina in the national championship. when she lost, you couldn’t resist—sending her a cheeky text. “looks like you came up short again. better luck next time.”

you expected her to get a laugh out of it. it was playful, just like before. but caitlin’s reaction wasn’t what you expected. she stared at the message, hurt more than she’d care to admit. the loss had stung, and your words felt like salt in the wound. still, she didn’t reply. she couldn’t. not yet.

then came the 2024 wnba draft. when caitlin’s name was called and the indiana fever picked her, now you were on the same team. and things only got more awkward from there.

every time caitlin interacted with other players, like katie lou or aliyah, she noticed something. you were always friendly, always smiling, always making an effort to bond with them. it was easy. natural. but with her, it was different. you barely spoke to her beyond the bare minimum, and every time she tried to start a conversation, you gave short, one-word responses. it confused her.

“why doesn’t she like me?” caitlin thought, watching you laugh with katie lou as the team played cards in the lounge after practice. “i don’t get it.”

every time you teased or joked around with your other teammates, caitlin felt the sting of your coldness. it was like she was invisible to you, even though you were teammates now. it made her question herself. was it because she lost that championship? because of how things had gone down in college? did you still think of her as just an opponent? the thought ate at her.

then came the game against one of the toughest teams in the league. caitlin had been getting pushed around, more than once, and the tension on the court was palpable. you could see her jaw clench, her shoulders stiffen. when the opposing player—a notoriously aggressive forward—got in caitlin’s face, pushing her and swearing, caitlin didn’t back down. but it was obvious she was starting to lose control.

you didn’t even think about it. you just reacted. before anyone could stop you, you were between them, your body protecting hers. you stood tall, staring the other player down, your voice cold but firm. “you don’t get to do that to her,” you said, the words leaving no room for argument.

caitlin stood behind you, a mixture of shock and gratitude on her face. she didn’t expect you to step in. she’d always been the one to fight her battles, but something in the way you had defended her made her heart race. it was different. personal. and for the first time, she realized just how much she needed that support from you.

after the game, when everything had calmed down, caitlin found herself alone in the locker room, her thoughts swirling. she hadn’t expected you to protect her like that. it made her feel something deep, something she couldn’t put into words. and she wanted to know more. wanted to understand why you acted the way you did around her, why you kept your distance.

you were sitting by your locker, wiping down your sneakers when she walked up to you. the silence between you two was thick.

“why didn’t you say anything before?” caitlin asked, her voice soft but edged with curiosity. “you’ve been so… cold with me. i don’t get it. i mean, you’re nice to everyone else, but with me… you act like i’m invisible. i just wanted to know why.”

you looked up at her, meeting her eyes for the first time with something softer in your gaze. the rivalry between you two wasn’t there anymore. not really. “i didn’t know how to be around you,” you admitted, your voice quieter than you intended. “in college, you were the one i had to beat. and then you got drafted here, and… it felt weird. like i didn’t know how to treat you.”

caitlin blinked, processing your words. “you didn’t know how to treat me?” she repeated, her voice catching slightly. she had hoped for something else, but hearing you say it made her understand. maybe she had been too focused on trying to prove herself to you. “so, you’re not… mad at me?” she asked, her heart pounding in her chest.

“no,” you said with a small smile. “not mad. just… confused. i didn’t know if we could be something else after everything. i guess i wasn’t ready to let go of the rivalry.”

caitlin let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, her shoulders relaxing. she smiled, a genuine one this time. “maybe it’s time we let it go.”

from that moment on, things changed. you and caitlin started to talk more, really talk. you found common ground, sharing laughs, teasing each other, and slowly, the barriers you had built up started to crumble. the more you got to know her, the more you realized there was more to her than the fiery competitor you once knew. and maybe there was a lot more between you two than you had ever expected.

not me lying and saying i was gonna post a few days ago. i’m so sorry i’ve been so busy. enjoy. REQUESTS R OPEN

part two? let me know

[morganaawriterr]

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ Love Lake ;

Pairing; fem!reader x loser!Niki Synopsis; When Ni-ki moved to your neighbourhood, he didn’t think much of it—until he met you. One night, he unexpectedly shows up at your house, and a calm walk transforms into a seducing game by the lake. Between playful teasing and intimate touches, the tension between you grows, impossible to ignore. Genre; Fluff (a bit suggestive) Warning; Suggestive content; Mentions of alcohol; Ni-ki is as cute loser; nudity; cute tension; profanity; Words; 3.7k Masterlist

A/N: I really like this post, its very cute and sexy and I love Ni-ki <3 I hope you guys like it too, reblogs and likes are always appreciated, thank you so much <3 (this is a repost)

Ni-ki is certainly out of his mind.

It’s 2 a.m., and he’s walking to your house on this warm summer night. The moon is his only companion, casting a soft blue shadow on the ground as he steps. A heavy backpack weighs on his shoulders, but the happy smile on his lips and the quickened beat of his heart reveal his excitement at the thought of seeing you again. Ni-ki moved to your neighbourhood with his parents a few months ago, and you were the one who helped him when he needed it most. That small act of kindness marked the beginning of your friendship.

You are a short-tempered girl with long black hair, a sweet smile, and captivating brown eyes. Ni-ki still remembers the first time he talked to you. He was going door to door, asking if anyone knew a mechanic because his car wouldn’t start—he’d left an interior light on and drained the battery. He was mortified during that first conversation. Your voice had been calm, but your expression wasn’t so welcoming. The way you raised an eyebrow at him as he explained made him blush like a twelve-year-old. Thankfully, your dad turned out to be a mechanic and helped him out. Since then, Ni-ki hasn’t left you alone, especially after discovering you went to the same university as him.

As he approaches your house, Ni-ki thinks back to the last time you hung out. It was in your small apartment near campus. The windows were wide open to combat the summer heat, and the two of you were playing cards, listening to the latest Chase Atlantic album, and drinking beer. Everything was going perfectly—at least for you. You were finally winning a game after weeks of losing streaks, and Ni-ki was starting to sulk because he hated losing. Frustrated, he angrily threw his last few cards onto the table, accidentally knocking over his beer.

The can tipped, spilling its stinky contents all over your chest, lap, and the couch.

“NI-KI, WHAT THE FUCK!” you shouted, glaring at him with wide eyes. Your mouth hung open in disbelief, and there was no hiding the fury blazing in your expression.

You had been wearing one of your favorite blouses—a burgundy one—and now it was soaked. The stain seemed like it would be permanent, all because Ni-ki couldn’t control his temper.

Ni-ki knew exactly how much that blouse meant to you, and guilt gnawed at him. Panicking, he grabbed a handful of tissues from the coffee table and pressed them against your chest, frantically trying to dry you off. His intentions were innocent, but when his eyes drifted to where his hand was, he froze. His face turned beet red as he glanced back up at you, only to realize how close the two of you were.

Your heart fluttered at the intensity of his gaze, and you instinctively closed your eyes, expecting him to kiss you. Seconds passed, but nothing happened. Confused, you opened your eyes slowly, only to find Ni-ki staring at you with one eyebrow raised, his expression equal parts puzzled and amused.

You blushed furiously and immediately pushed him away, yelling at him for being so careless and ruining your blouse. Disappearing into the kitchen, still mumbling angrily to yourself, Ni-ki stayed behind, lying comfortably on the floor. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, a soft smile tugging at his lips. He couldn’t help but grin like an idiot at the memory of your flushed face because he knew how rare it was for you to get embarrassed around him.

Now, standing in front of your house, Ni-ki smiles to himself at the thought of that incident. Maybe there’s something more between you two than just friendship. Pulling out his phone from his pocket, he types a quick text: I’m outside. He knows that’s all it will take to get your attention.

Dressed in an oversized white t-shirt and some sporty shorts, you’re lying on your bed, engrossed in a book while listening to music—your go-to routine when you’re determined to finish a story. The soft buzz of your phone pulls you out of your bubble, and you can’t help but smile when you see Ni-ki’s text. Sliding open your window, you step outside and walk calmly to the balcony at the front of your house. The night breeze is warm, offering no relief from the lingering summer heat.

“What are you doing here at this time, Kiki?” you ask, teasing him with the nickname you know he hates, leaning against the glass railing.

“I couldn’t sleep… And I know you have trouble sleeping sometimes, so I thought we could hang out,” Ni-ki replies, raising an eyebrow as he casually ignores the nickname. Despite his nonchalance, you give him a small smile. You know how often he gets stuck in his head, and it’s no surprise that it keeps him awake.

“We can’t stay at my parents’ house this late at night…” you say, pausing to think. “Let’s take a walk instead, maybe?” you suggest. Ni-ki nods eagerly at the idea, his expression softening at the thought of spending more time with you.

To be honest, it didn’t matter where you two were going or what you were doing—Ni-ki just wanted to be close to you. The two of you wandered aimlessly around the neighborhood, chatting softly as the full moon followed your steps. The streetlights served as your only guide, casting a warm glow over the quiet streets. You found yourself laughing at the stupid jokes Ni-ki made about people at uni, and in the midst of your laughter, your gaze drifted to the fine man walking beside you.

Riki towered over you, almost double your height. His brown ends blended with blonde roots, making his hair look irresistibly soft, his bangs nearly obscuring his whole face. Your eyes lingered on his tired yet captivating eyes and his plump lips, hating how they always seemed so inviting. For the first time, you noticed how muscular he had become, the dance classes clearly working wonders on his physique. His biceps were easily visible to your wandering eyes, and his shoulders were broader now, exuding strength. God, he made your knees weak without even trying.

A fresh, earthy smell from the surrounding trees caused you to momentarily close your eyes, savoring the cool breeze brushing against your skin. As you relished the comfortable silence between you and Ni-ki, the distant sound of water flowing caught your attention. A mischievous idea sparked in your mind.

“Look, there’s a small lake over there. Let’s get closer—I love the sound of the water,” you said eagerly, your eyes lighting up at the thought. Ni-ki didn’t respond immediately; instead, he stared into your eyes, completely mesmerized by the way they sparkled under the moonlight’s soft blue hue.

You gently grabbed Riki’s hand and pulled him toward the water. Carefully, you led him through tall trees and wild grass to a small clearing that resembled an island, covered in soft sand and surrounded by water on all sides except one. Ni-ki, however, seemed frozen in place, his gaze fixed on your slender hand intertwined with his. Your skin was warm and soft against his, and the simple touch left him stunned.

“This is so calming. I love it,” Riki said in a husky voice, casting a shy glance at you as he let the peaceful atmosphere settle around him.

You decided to sit down near the water, hoping the soothing sound of the flowing stream and the chorus of nighttime creatures would ease your mind. Ni-ki followed suit, settling down beside you. A comfortable silence enveloped you both, and when you turned your head to look at the handsome boy beside you, your gaze met his. You held eye contact for a while, feeling a strange sense of safety under his gaze and comfort in his presence.

Ni-ki’s thoughts began to wander as he looked into your eyes. He loved your eyes—where others might call brown unremarkable, he found them magical. The way your coffee-colored irises complemented your jet-black hair and soft skin only solidified his belief that he might be in love with you. He could lose himself in those eyes forever, and he would do so gladly.

While he was lost in his thoughts, you asked him a question. The way his eyes widened in surprise sent you into a fit of laughter. Your laugh echoed through the tall trees, mingling with the sound of the flowing water in the distance.

“I dare you to go into the water. Clothes are optional,” you repeated, leaning closer to his face and winking. “What? Are you too scared?” you teased, crossing your arms over your chest as a playful smile spread across your lips.

“Nah. You just make me do stupid things and never do them with me,” Ni-ki replied without hesitation.

You pushed him playfully, feigning offense but feeling a little ashamed too—because he was right. You always dared him to do silly things but chickened out at the last minute, leaving him to look like a fool.

“OK, OK. I’ll go first this time. You can follow me… if you can keep up,” you declared, sticking your tongue out at him.

“Childish,” Riki muttered, but before he could say anything else, his mouth dropped open.

You bent over, straightening your back as you leaned down, your back facing Ni-ki. Slowly, while maintaining eye contact with him, you slid your shorts down your legs, leaving yourself in only a black thong and an oversized white t-shirt. Without saying a word or looking back, you walked toward the water.

The icy temperature sent a jolt through you, making your feet feel slightly numb, but your pride was heavier than the cold. You stood tall and waded deeper into the water, letting it engulf you inch by inch.

Ni-ki is certainly out of his mind. He ran his fingers through his hair, shutting his eyes tightly in an attempt to process what had just happened. But when he closed his eyes, all he could see was your figure and it burned into his memory, your curves teasing him mercilessly.

He was just a poor, young, and undeniably horny man. And you? You were testing his patience—because deep down, you knew he was too much of a coward to make a move.

“RIKI, YOU COMING OR NOT?” you yelled, a sly smirk curling on your lips, fully aware of exactly what was running through his mind.

Ni-ki softly slapped himself back to reality, deciding that two could play at this game. While your curious mind raced with all the possible scenarios of what he might do next, your gaze locked on him as he began taking his shirt off. Your eyes were immediately glued to how his muscles flexed when he pulled the fabric over his head. He was, without a doubt, one of the most attractive men you had ever laid eyes on. His toned physique, the subtle curve of his waist, and the constellation of moles scattered across his skin made your face flush three shades of red in an instant.

When Ni-ki’s toes touched the freezing water, his whole body shivered involuntarily. He briefly considered retreating, but no—he couldn’t let you win this round. You’d tease him about it relentlessly, not just now but for days to come. Resolving to push through, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and swam toward you.

As he drew closer, he wasn’t prepared for how captivating you looked. Your long, dark hair was slicked back, your lips tinged a deep red from the cold water, and your eyes glimmered with a seductiveness that left him speechless. Water droplets clung to your lashes, and your skin glowed in the soft blue light cast by the moon. You looked like a siren, a vision that completely clouded his mind with thoughts of you and only you.

“Hmmm, I see.” You bit your bottom lip playfully. “Maybe you’re not as weak as I thought…”

But before Ni-ki could respond, you smirked mischievously and pushed his head underwater, fully submerging him in the icy lake.

When he resurfaced, it was your turn to feel trapped by him. His brown-and-blonde hair was slicked back, water dripping from the tips, revealing his sharp features. His plump bottom lip was caught between his teeth as he tried to stifle a grin. As your eyes trailed down from his face, you found yourself staring at his chest—water droplets cascading down his toned torso, tracing the lines of his abs.

This little game of seduction you’d started was starting to backfire, and you felt as though you were the one being seduced. You swallowed hard, your eyes unwilling to leave the trail of water sliding down his lower stomach.

“You’re staring, Y/N,” Riki teased, his voice light but with a hint of shyness. He loved the way your gaze lingered on him, and it made his heart race.

You wanted to respond with something smart and sassy, but the words caught in your throat. Turning around, you were ready to dive back into the water to clear your head when you felt his long fingers wrap around your wrist. In one swift motion, Ni-ki pulled you against him. You let out a surprised gasp as water splashed around you.

As your startled eyes met his, Ni-ki suddenly noticed something odd against his chest. Confused, he glanced down, only to see your soaked white t-shirt clinging to your skin, outlining your chest and revealing the faint shapes of your hard nipples because of the cold.

He cursed under his breath as realization hit him. When his curious gaze returned to yours, your face turned crimson with embarrassment. You had wanted to tease him, hoping he’d take the hint and finally make you his, but this had gone way beyond your plan. You struggled against his grip with all your might, but he was too strong.

“You don’t know what you’re doing to me right now, Y/N…” Ni-ki confessed, his voice low and unsteady, the shyness completely gone. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as though trying to steady himself.

You remained silent, too flustered to respond. But then you felt his slender fingers lift your chin, gently guiding your face upward. When your eyes met his again, you realized his gaze was fixed on your lips.

You waited, heart pounding, expecting him to make a move. Yet he hesitated, his eyes darting between your lips and your eyes, as if silently battling with himself. Ni-ki desperately wanted to kiss you, but a small, lingering fear held him back—the fear that this might ruin your friendship, his worst nightmare.

Feeling a mix of frustration and fondness, you rolled your eyes, your annoyance outweighing your nerves. Without giving him another moment to overthink, you grabbed his face and pressed your lips to his.

The kiss was soft and cold, catching Ni-ki completely off guard. For a moment, he stood frozen, but then relief washed over him as the chaotic voices in his mind were silenced.

When you pulled away, your gaze locked with his deep brown eyes, silently conveying that he didn’t need to hesitate anymore. After a few heartbeats of hesitation, he leaned in and kissed you again, this time with more certainty, his lips moving against yours with a newfound confidence.

When your lips parted to catch your breath, Riki seemed to take it personally. He chased after your lips again, this time cupping your cheek with his veiny hand, his strong arm wrapping tightly around your waist, pulling you impossibly close. It was as though he wanted to ensure you wouldn’t let go of his lips again.

As your bra-less chest pressed against his, his sharp teeth grazed your bottom lip, a warning that his tongue sought entrance. A quiet moan escaped your lips as you felt his tongue meet yours, the taste of watermelon from the gum he’d chewed earlier lingering on him.

When your lungs screamed for air, your lips finally broke apart. Resting his forehead against yours, Riki wore the proudest smile, his chest heaving as he felt a sense of triumph. He was certain you’d finally moved past the strange tension that had been building between you two.

But your face told a different story. Panic welled up inside you as you realized there was no hiding your feelings anymore. No more playful jokes or flirty remarks to mask the truth—he now knew how you felt.

Riki finally loosened his grip, letting his arm fall from your waist. Without a word, you quickly swam back to shore, leaving him standing alone and bewildered in the water.

“Shit!” Ni-ki cursed, running a hand through his hair. “Was I too much?” he muttered to himself, scrambling to follow you, fear flashing across his face that he might’ve just ruined everything.

“Riki, I—”

“I’m sorry... I know,” he interrupted, his voice tinged with regret. “I was too much. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, stepping closer to him. “Let me finish, Riki,” you whispered, your voice low and tinged with embarrassment. “I’ve had a crush on you ever since the first time I laid eyes on you. But I was scared you didn’t like me back. So, I tried to play it cool around you, flirting to see if you felt the same… but you always backed out at the last minute, and it was so confusing.”

Your voice cracked slightly as you confessed, a sad pout forming on your lips.

“Are you serious?” the tall boy asks, his voice tinged with disbelief as he looks at you with the sweetest expression you’ve ever seen on him. “I’ve liked you this whole time too. That’s why I get so shy and clumsy around you. I wanted to impress you!” Riki confesses, his lips stretching into the biggest smile. “I was too much of a loser to make the first move, and I’m sorry for that. But I’ve always liked you.”

Ni-ki’s large, bony hand reaches out for yours, interlocking his fingers with yours. His heart swells, completely captivated by you, especially the way you seem to get shy only because of him. But you let go of his hand to get dressed, bending down to pick up your shorts from the sand.

Behind you, Ni-ki fights the overwhelming urge to grab your hips and pull you against him, his hands itching to explore every inch of your body. In his mind, he’s already tracing your sides, mentally cataloging every detail of how your skin feels under his touch.

When you turn around, he notices your soaked t-shirt still clinging to your chest. “Here—” Ni-ki offers you his dry shirt, his voice soft and a shy smile tugging at his lips. “I know it must be uncomfortable having your t-shirt stuck to you. You can wear this instead.” His cheeks flush red as his curious eyes flicker to your chest again before he quickly looks away.

“Thank you. Now, cover your eyes,” you instruct, turning away from him.

Ni-ki obediently hides his eyes with his hands, though he leaves a small gap to peek. His heart skips a beat when he catches sight of your bare back and the outline of your chest as you lift your arms to slip into his shirt. Your silhouette, illuminated by the faint moonlight, makes it impossible for him not to bite his lip, cursing himself for making things harder on himself.

When you turn back around, he shuts his eyes tightly, pretending to have been an angel the entire time. “You can open your eyes now,” you say, and he removes his hands, smiling innocently at you.

Ni-ki slings your wet t-shirt over his shoulder as the two of you begin walking back to your place. He rummages through his backpack, pulling out some snacks to share. The only sounds are the crunching of the food and the rhythm of your footsteps, accompanied by the warm breeze that returns as you leave the cool shade of the trees behind.

You steal glances at him every now and then, enjoying his goofy side as he tries his best to make you laugh.

When you reach your house, Ni-ki pouts, his full lips jutting out cutely. He clearly doesn’t want the night to end.

“Goodnight, Ni-ki,” you say softly, your gaze fixed on the ground, still flustered by the memories of what happened at the lake.

“Where’s my confident Y/N gone?” he teases, loving this shy side of you. His hand reaches for your cheek, gently caressing it.

“She dissolved in the cold water,” you quip sarcastically, punching his strong chest playfully. Then, you lean up and give him a quick peck on the cheek before heading back to your balcony to climb up to your bedroom.

The tall boy stays rooted in place, watching as you ascend. His curious eyes trail after you, lingering on your form until you slip inside your room. You send him a playful kiss before sliding the window shut, disappearing from his view.

Ni-ki lingers outside for a moment longer, his gaze shifting between your house and the starry night sky. With the memory of your lips on his, he finally turns to walk home, his mind replaying every second of the evening.

As he walks, a giggle escapes his lips, only for him to cringe at himself immediately after. Still, he can’t stop the warmth spreading through his chest. You’re all he can think about—the way you fit so perfectly in his arms, your laugh, your teasing. He’d come to your house hoping to distract himself and fall asleep faster, but now, as he lays in bed, sleep feels impossible. His mind is consumed with thoughts of you and all the ways he’s going to make you his girlfriend.

Taglist: @grandlightcandy @seokseokjinkim @strxwbloody @enhasunghoonishot @contyynishimura @heewanrik @ranwonbin @leanderexists @lovelyyf @youngheejay @crimson-reaper576 @rikifever @mrsjjongstby @laurradoesloveu @babyboomysweetie @mintchocos-things @nxzz-skz @saphiranishimurashan @ikeupups @yangjungwonnie If you wanna be added or removed from the taglist just comment below!

[accio-victuuri]

xiao zhan - kai xiao zao’s director (Xi Lou) Weibo update : letter to xz to celebrate 6 years of cooperation

"Six Years" To the late-maturing of "Us”

One year, two years, three years, four years, five cold and hot seasons, six springs and autumns; how beautiful is Chinese, there are so many interesting quantifiers to describe 365 days, time is like sand between fingers, no matter how tightly you hold it, it still slips silently from the gaps, piling up into the tall or low sand dunes full of stories on the long river of life, and the wind blows, and the past is flying.

2024 is a year of precipitation. "WM", which has been prepared for a long time, finally meets everyone. We met "WM", and the old friend showed his versatility as a singer. I still remember the first day the album was launched, a friend of mine on QQ com said to me: I haven't seen such a lineup for a long time. Looking at his appearance that had never seen the "world", I calmly said: "Nothing else, just use your heart", turned around and left, hiding my merits and fame. Thinking of the Excel spreadsheet five years ago, we were also new to the world. Actually, I want to say that I know what "WM" has experienced. Its success is not accidental, but the result of the gentleness of spring breeze and rain, and it is inevitable that it has accumulated over the years.

The birthday in 2024 was spent in the crew, which is not unusual. After all, most of the year, greetings were basically in the crew every time, but no matter how busy you are, you have to have a sense of ceremony. Xiao Zao specially customized a birthday cake and sent it to the crew. Then a friend in the studio sent me a picture of many cakes and picked Xiao Zao. Sure enough, the one who understands XZ's heart the most is XZ. After receiving the picture, I praised Xiao Zao because I know that it is easy to work hard for one year on the same thing, but it is difficult to work hard for six years.

I just got back from a business trip. It is now 22:42 on January 4th. I am sitting in my study table. As I write this, the phonograph album happened to play "Confessions of a Night Person". There is a sentence in Mo Yan's "Late Bloomers": "People with good natures mature late, and are forced to mature by bad people. Although they become wise later, they are still kind and sincere." I sometimes wonder why we can walk hand in hand for six years. Are we all a group of late bloomers? "When others are smart, we are stupid and dull; when others weigh the pros and cons, we are sincere; when others have exhausted their scheming and gradually fallen into a state of decline, we just happen to be wise." We are all a group of simple people, which may be the ultimate reason why fate can continue. If there is a chance, I will sing "Confessions of a Night Person" for everyone. This is my favorite.

Some friends told me in private that the 2024 Xiao Zao is a bit dull. In fact, I want to say that compared with the short-term and vigorous forgetfulness, I prefer the long-term mutual support. Companionship is the longest confession. This affection beyond commercial endorsement is worth cherishing forever.

Do you still remember the "Legend of the Condor Heroes" mentioned in "Five Years"? This one-year agreement will finally be fulfilled in 23 days. Xiao Zao invites everyone to watch the movie together in 9 major cities across the country, feel the swordsmanship, and regain childhood dreams together. Oh, by the way, the hero Guo Jing should also be a late bloomer.

We still need to give the "old couple" some sense of ceremony. Today, let's roll up our sleeves, tie up our hair, open our hearts, learn from the hero, and cook with him as wine.

As usual, toast a bowl:

Cheers to simplicity

Cheers to peace and safety

Cheers to health

Cheers to eating well

May the flowers be the same year after year, and the people be the same year after year!

Sixth year, please give me more advice.

[aplacefordreaming24]

WAAAAA HELLO HELLO HELLO

I have so many f/o's but I'll always happily take the chance to gush about my main. His name is Ted, and he's just- sigh. He's so perfect to me. I love him so much. He's the light of my life and I always feel better just thinking about him hehehe

My irl bf was the one who introduced me to him actually ;0 and it took *years* irl for me to really think about him the way I do now!!! Because originally I watched a playthrough of the game he comes from, and,,, ngl the light he's shown in that is kinda awful? Not the worst, but certainly not the best. But then, years later, I finally got around to reading the original story he comes from (It was a short story first called "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream," and then it got turned into a game). And just. God. Idk. Something about him, just- clicked!

And like, you wouldn't think it would, because ngl he's kinda, worse in the story? But it was more just- why he is the way he is that clicked. The reasons behind how he behaves that you don't learn in the game. And so much of himself, his core character, was changed in the game. (Same with everyone, besides like, the villain). And for the first time, I saw someone who was very similar to me. I felt seen and understood by his true character, and it made me grow really sympathetic for him.

After the initial shock wore down, it all just kinda came crashing into "Omg I love him so much I just wanna make him so happy" ykyk?? The way his story ends is so tragic but I wanna believe that it isn't the end. That he'll end up happy, eventually, no matter how long it takes. And I wanna be the one waiting for him with open arms to bring him that happiness and support and love that he deserves and never got.

It's silly. It's dumb. A lot of the fandom is split on his character; some really love him like me, and others kinda hate the hell out of him. And it always kinda gets me down but yk, he's still my love. My prince. My one and only. I just try to think about comforting him and block people who hate him cause like. I get it. I get why you would. But that doesn't mean I have to, feel the same? At least I think so.

He has a lot of paranoia about people hating him. I do too, but I'm always there to remind him it's not true. I'll never hate him. He has my heart, and even if he chose someone else, I'd still love him. His happiness means more to me than some silly conditional thing.

Maybe that's a little unhealthy to say. But yk, I feel this way for all my relationships, friendships, etc. I'd rather you be happy without me than miserable around me. No point in sticking around; it does neither of us any good.

Idk. I could go on and on about my s/i and his relationship (If you've ever heard of Orpheus and Eurydice, they're very much like that, including the doomed aspect). How they're two sides of the same coin and such. But like- man. If I sit here and talk all day about him I'm not gonna get anything I need to do today done.

Sorry if this is long fnjdfjk really if you don't wanna respond you don't have to!! But ty for giving me a place to gush about him ;0

AND PLEASE FEEL FREE TO GUSH ABOUT YOU AND VERGIL TO ME TOO I'D LOVE TO HEAR IT!!! I LOVE LISTENING TO PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THEIR LOVES!!!

GUSH ABOUT YOUR F/O IN THE REBLOGS TO ME AND I WILL ACTUALLY LISTEN AND RESPOND TO THEM ACCORDINGLY BECAUSE YOU 🫵 DEAR READER DESERVE TO HAVE YOUR INTERESTS TREATED WITH RESPECT AND NOT JUST GET A "wow that's neat"

doubles and proshippers dni! Doubles you also deserve respect I'm just not very good at sharing I'm so sorry!

[its-your-mind]

Something something timkon and hair and how lex lichrally programmed Kon to shave his head before he went all luthor and was forced to attack his team, his best friends, his family. and then how most of the hair on the back of Tim’s head got burned off when he got blowed up (thx Steph) and he had to cut or shave the rest of it off so it could grow back semi-evenly. and how kon was a #rebel esp compared to all-American Boy Scout Superman; Kon’s rockin around with the side cut and the leather jacket and the buckles and the spikes or the (ill-advised and made me sad) black t-shirt and jeans but even the “I am a totally normal bro” getup made him distinct and different from Kal and that is really important to Kon because he wants to be his own person, not a Superman-stand-in. and THEN fucking LEX made it so Kon would look more like Lex! his other DNA donor!!! And Tim!! He kept his hair short — just long enough to spike it up as Robin — until both of his parents were gone. which suggests to me that he kinda always wanted it long (hello Tim Drake, #1 Dick Grayson stan) but that just wasn’t an option allowed to him (not uncommon for parents who care Very Much about Appearances — my own parents were the same about my brothers’ hair growing up, not least because the private all-boys school they went to dictated that their hair couldn’t be long enough to touch the collar of their shirt (with exceptions for [insert kinda racist and vaguely xenophobic language here] hair styles). As soon as he turned 18 my baby brother got a rocker-style mane. But I digress. Anyway). Then, post-tragedy, Tim’s hair got long enough to flip down over his forehead and stream behind him when he swung through the city (perhaps one of his ways of clinging to control and his sense of self in the whole awful situation). But then… Tim got fucking exploded, betrayed by his ex-girlfriend who had only just returned after letting him grieve her death for a year, and now she’s following Tim’s dead father mentor’s instructions to challenge him or whatever the fuck bullshit Batman told her, (a young girl whose own father was an asshole criminal, who so desperately wanted Bruce to be proud of her) and now Tim has to cut his hair all the way down to the scalp again and listen. I’m sorry dc tim looks fucking amazing in adventure comics and I’m in love with how he is arted but hair cannot and does not grow back that quick!! Mf had to wait!! I bet it grew in fucking patchy!! I bet kon’s did too!! (prolly not as bad as Tim’s cuz Tim’s got scar tissue and shit.)

but I just think tim and kon deserve a chance to sit down and just commiserate with each other about growing their hair back out (growing back out a sidecut is a BITCH I speak from experience) and Tim’s prolly having to trim his own hair super often to keep it nice-ish while it comes back in, and Kon’s curls are just a fucking MESS until they grow out enough to like. Curl. (Again, speaking from experience) And they’re just shooting the shit (“well MINE was worse bc I looked like fucking LEX. LUTHOR.” / “well you didn’t have to wait to figure out which parts of your scalp we actually gonna bother growing hair again”) until it gets quiet for a minute. And then one of them asks if the hair also reminds the other one of The Shitty Thing That Happened. And then they fucking talk about it. About how they can’t look in the mirror without having a flashback of pain or rage. How it makes them feel like they don’t even get to control their own bodies, their own appearances, and how much that fucking sucks. How they go to run their hand through their hair and there’s just. Not enough of it to do that. How Kon is terrified that somehow looking like Lex means Lex will use him to hurt the people he loves again. How every time Tim sees another Bat or Bird looking at the back of his head, all he can think about is how they might be planning to lure him into another Bat-mandated trap test. How both Tim and Kon kinda really miss the feeling of people playing with their hair. How they miss playing with each others’ hair.

And maybe then one of them extends an offer and the other does the same and they agree to do each others’ hair. Maybe it’ll help paint a new layer over those awful memories.

So Kon finds Tim once a week (he’s never in the same place, he’s rarely even in the same country) and he trims the hair until it looks even, gives Tim the #sitch on how much hair is growing back in. After the second or third week he realizes that Tim’s not keeping up with his burn-care routine, so he starts bringing burn and scar cream with him too. Then he remembers Tim’s lack of a hair care routine and starts trying out different products on Tim’s hair to see what works best. Tim doesn’t say anything, but he thinks all of this feels even better than when Kon and Cassie used to twist little braids into his hair.

Kon insists that Tim doesn’t have to help until his hair’s grown out more, (that he doesn’t want Tim nearby and distracted while Kon still looks like Lex) but Tim outright refuses to let Kon push him away and he will NOT be outdone in the caretaking game. He waits until Kon’s busy fighting some giant alien robot in metropolis and sneaks in to the Kents’ house to scope out what products Kon uses. When he leaves the bathroom, Ma Kent is there, eyebrow raised. She tells him he “could have just knocked on the front door, sweetheart, we know how’ta keep secrets in this house. Now, let’s get some food in you before Conner comes home. You’re all skin and bones, hun.” So Tim goes downstairs and takes some mini meat pies for the road, and then researches the products Kon uses, what they do, what the ingredients do, if there are other (more expensive) options that people have sworn up and down are better. He amasses a collection, and the next time Kon shows up with clippers and healing creams and a new shampoo to try, Tim’s already got ten different products lined up on the sink — everything from shampoos and conditioners to serums and masks. Kon asks if these are things Tim wants Kon to use in Tim’s hair. Tim tells him that no, all of these are for Tim to try on Kon. Kon almost cries. (He does cry, he just doesn’t let the tears fall until Tim isn’t looking.) (Tim notices anyway ofc.) And Tim’s made a spreadsheet to track the effectiveness of different products, different ingredients, different combinations, so he tells Kon to start coming every 2-3 days instead, so he can establish results using a realistic timeframe. Sometimes, if Tim’s gonna be in one place for a few days, Kon just crashes with him. (Neither of them say it, but they both fucking CRAVE the old Core Four cuddle piles.) Eventually, when Kon’s hair is long enough that he’s ready to switch back to his side-cut again, Tim surprises him by not only shaving the hair down, but shaving a few racing stripes (“they’re flight patterns!” / “rob, I dunno what to tell you. everyone’s gonna think they’re racing stripes. doesn’t mean they aren’t dope as fuck, though.”) into Kon’s hair. Every time Kon’s hair grows out enough, Tim shaves it back and stencils in a new design. Kon starts making requests (“gimme the Super ‘S’!” / “It’s the House of El crest, Kon. You know that. Also, you have a secret identity to maintain.” / “C’mon, I’ll just say I’m a fan!” / “With the same El family crest shaved onto your scalp as Superboy?” / “No one’s noticed the identical head decor yet!”) but it’s the day Kon asks (with the same confident and mischievous tone as always) for Tim to shave in the Red Robin crest that something in Tim’s chest, something formless and warm that he hadn’t really paid attention to before, seers a burning path through his heart, takes root, and solidifies.

“Kon. I love you.”

Kon’s distracted, rifling through their hair-care bags for Tim’s razors. “Love you too, Robbie. Duh. That’s why I’m askin’ you to shave your cre–”

“No,” Tim shakes his head, mildly frustrated with himself for the lack of clarity. “I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a while.”

Kon is seated in the chair they’d pulled into the bathroom from the hotel room’s desk, so he has to look up to meet Tim’s eyes. The hand digging beneath sample bottles of leave-in conditioner freezes, still wrist-deep in hair products. Kon’s expression looks to Tim like one of his video games’ character builders froze between the settings for ‘bright smile’ and ‘shock and awe.’

So Tim just looks down at him. Waits. If this was anyone else, Tim would probably be losing his mind right now, but… it’s Kon. Tim’s safe. Kon would never do anything to hurt him.

Kon unfreezes, blinks a few times. “Could you–” he coughs. “Could you say that again? I think my brain maybe like, malfunctioned for a second.”

Tim takes a step closer, reaches out one hand to cup Kon’s cheek, scratches his fingertips through the stubble on the side of Kon’s head. “I’m in love with you, Conner Kent.”

Tears fill Kon’s eyes, and he blinks them away. “That’s– that’s what I thought you said.” His hand (the one not trapped beneath a sea of shampoos, some detached and unhelpful part of Tim’s mind remarks) comes up to gently rest on Tim’s hip. “Robbie, Tim, I– of course I’m in love with you. You– you’re– you’re amazing, you know that? You’re so kind and strong and you’re a genius and you’re a gift to everyone around you; I dunno how everyone else doesn’t see you like I do.”

Tim can’t help but reach out his other hand to wrap around the back of Kon’s head, to feel where the curls carve a path down through the shorter hair and come to a sharp point.

“I mean, damn Wonder Boy,” Kon tries to muster up his Superboy smirk, but the look in his eyes is full of too much genuine affection for him to pull it off. “I think I’ve been in love with you since Kauai, since you grabbed me outta free-fall and swung me to safety. You caught me. No one’d ever done that before. And then you just… kept doing it. You’re still saving me, still taking care of me.”

Kon reaches his other hand (no eruption of hairspray, thank you TTK, that same unhelpful part of Tim’s mind comments. Read the room! the rest of Tim yells at it.) around the back of Tim’s neck, avoiding the tender and scarred areas with practiced ease, and pulls Tim down until their foreheads touch.

“I love you, Wonder. I love you, Robbie.” Kon tilts his head up, waits until their eyes meet. He’s got the biggest smile on his face that Tim’s ever seen.

Tim smiles back, and Kon’s eyes soften. “I love you, Tim.”

Tim leans down and uses his hands on either side of Kon’s head to guide Kon’s lips up to his own.

This is what I want to remember, Tim thinks as he feels Kon’s fingers gliding softly against the sensitive skin of his burn, feels Kon’s TTK covering and protecting the parts still too tender to touch. Tim runs his own fingertips back and forth over the stubble on the sides of Kon’s head, before pushing them up until they’re tangled in Kon’s curls.

I don’t want to care anymore whether or not the people around me look at the back of my head and see weakness or failure. They don’t get to decide whether this mark on my body matters or what it means. I do. And I decide that these scars are important because they brought me here, to this moment. They brought me to Kon.

Kon tilts his head down to break the kiss. He stands up, and before Tim gets a chance to move away and give him space, Kon wraps his arms and TTK around him. He plants a kiss in Tim’s hair. “Damn, Wonder Boy. Having to grow all my hair back almost feels worth it if it got me here.”

Tim smiles and wraps his arms around Kon’s waist, nestles into Kon’s chest. “You know what, Clone Boy? I was just thinking the same thing.”

[girl-debord]

River's 13 Punk & Metal Albums of 2024

13. Paprika - Let's Kill Punk

As one of the more conventional hardcore albums on this list, Paprika's debut LP stands out by doubling down on everything I love about the genre. The bass is rough, rough, rough, and the vocals sound like they were recorded in a storm drain, giving the album an almost-live quality. The only thing it loses points for is being so short, but even that's in the spirit of hardcore.

Favorite track: Greasy Pig Disease

12. drive your plow over the bones of the dead - tragedy as catharsis

I know, I know. Yes, Gen X followers, it's an emoviolence album. If the high-pitched vocals & aversion to capitalization don't scare you off, I think you'll enjoy how this sound is pushing the powerviolence formula forward. It is possible to be sad & kick ass at the same time.

Favorite track: arrangement

11. Traumatizer - Traumatizer

This is a 12-minute/7-song hardcore debut that won me over almost instantly. The vocals remind me a bit of early Nausea, and the bass-forward breakdowns are scratching that NJ hardcore itch that I've had since Sick Shit broke up.

Favorite track: Outnumbered

10. Paysage D'Hiver - Die Berge

Paysage D'Hiver embodies that horseshoe theory approach to atmospheric black metal--when you make something noisy & lo-fi enough, it starts to sound ambient. To put it a different way, this album has more in common with a lot of my favorite dungeon synth releases than most conventional metal. It uses repetition to its advantage & really gets that bleak, wintry vibe across. That being said, how often do I have nearly two hours to dedicate to a single album? Maybe a girl with a longer commute would rank this one a little higher.

Favorite track: Transzendenz II

9. Thou - Umbilical

It's been way too long since we had a proper Thou album. Needless to say, I was stoked about this one. Umbilical is overall less sludgy, often speeding things up for more hardcore- and grunge-adjacent tracks, but it keeps the vocal style and metal guitar sounds that Thou is so known for. It doesn't feel as thematic or directional as most of their earlier releases, but it gets at the stuff I like without being similar enough to feel stagnant.

Favorite track: I Feel Nothing When You Cry

8. Poison Ruïn - Confrere

Poison Ruïn left themselves big shoes to fill with last year's Härvest, but that's one of my favorite albums of all time, so I'm trying to cut them some slack. The new sound they bring with Confrere is a little less focused on stenchore-nostalgic riffs and has more in common with old-school hardcore. It works really well on a few notable songs--like the title track--but the rest of the album feels a bit like filler (even the dungeon synth parts, which are still pretty strong). I think there's just not enough going on on this album to turn a few great songs into a great album--but damn, those great songs really are great.

Favorite track: Execute

7. Bootlicker - 1000 Yd. Stare

I somehow missed this album when it came out in May, so when I finally listened to it a couple weeks ago, I had to totally rearrange this list to fit it in. It's worth it--Bootlicker brings an unlikely combination of clunky d-beat production & oi-tinged vocals that ended up sticking with me more than I expected it to. The band also seems to have hit its stride in using the military/military-fetish theming to maximum caustically-ironic effect.

Favorite track: Mercy Dog

6. S.H.I.T. - For A Better World

Some of the best drumming from this year in the vehicle of an extremely short lo-fi hardcore record. It feels like a Discharge demo tape performed with a sneer and stimulants. I only wish it was longer, even just that last track could keep going for 10 minutes & this might be my #1 pick.

Favorite track: Imminent Destruction

5. Lagrimas - A Life of Destruction

I've been keeping up with Lagrimas for a few years and I'm excited to say that their first LP cashes in--and improves--on everything I love about their recorded material up to this point. The grind drum licks, the lacrimose emo guitars, the post-rock song structures--it's all here & turned up to 11. The Habak features are great, but the band really stands on its own now. If I had to pick something to complain about, it would be the extended dialogue sampled in the middle of the album, but even that contributes to the overall tone. More than anything, I'm really excited to see people my age doing something new with the crust punk genre.

Favorite track: Cultural Destruction.

4. Trhä - ∫um'ad∂ejja cavvaj

Damián Ojeda's project Trhä had crossed my path before with albums that combined black metal & dungeon synth with a mix of softer electronic sounds and danceable drum machine tracks. This album, on the other hand, is much more traditional, but I find myself drawn to it because of that--it seems to descend into a primordial era of black metal where the realms of crust punk and death metal aren't so far away. Maybe that's only the hallucination of a poor traveller lost in the world of Trhä's atmospheric invention, missing her precious d-beats, but the madness this album has afflicted me with isn't going anywhere. The tremolo picking starts to sound like bowed strings & juggles minor and major keys under howling vocals. I'm totally entranced.

Favorite track: ah qältak da £ä Kado£ m £ä Nahatlav

3. POLLUTE. - Microplastics, Massive Profits

https://pollute.bandcamp.com/album/microplastics-massive-profits

POLLUTE's demo tape back in May had already put them on my list of acts to keep an eye on. This album is everything I had hoped to see from them, and so shortly after that first release too. In a genre as niche as d-beat punk, it's impressive to get so much variety on a single album--at only 20 minutes long, no less. "Castle Freaks" does something to the style I've never heard before, and I can't wait to hear more innovations like it--and that's not even the high point of the album for me. POLLUTE's got the right mix of cruster craziness & hardcore deliberateness, bringing very controlled breakdowns to their most off-the-walls tracks. It rules.

Favorite track: Cancer They Create

2. Lifeless Dark - Forces of Nature's Transformation

https://lifelessdark.bandcamp.com/album/forces-of-natures-transformation

The first time I heard this, I stood there with my mouth open through, like, the first three tracks. I just can't believe anyone is making music like this in 2024. Holy shit. The reverb-y vocals, the Bolt-Thrower-esque riffage, it's all perfect. Lifeless Dark doesn't just worship the stenchcore gods, they understand them.

Favorite track: Feeding the Light

1. Kriegshög - Love & Revenge

https://lavidaesunmus.bandcamp.com/album/love-revenge

There's nothing like a band you've never been super attached to releasing a completely flawless album. From the first note I just couldn't believe what I was hearing--it's an incredible balance of being legible and--dare I say it--catchy while being totally uncompromising on the drive of d-beat hardcore. The vocals are shouted with just a hint of a shriek that gives the lyrics an urgency unhindered by language barriers. The guitars are fuzzy and distorted but kept under tight control, passing melodies back & forth and dropping out to let the drums shine at key junctures. It's beautiful. It's Motörhead a few decades after being abducted into a post-apocalyptic alternate universe when the bloodlust has really started to sink in. I hold Kriegshög fully responsible for making me start working on a new spiky leather jacket & knocking over college kids in the train station, plus any other acts of depravity from this year not fit to print. This album has become my mantra, my pulse, my anthem.

Favorite track: Grey Agony

[irazai]

── STANDING NEXT TO YOU ; dazai osamu x fem!reader

synopsis ─▸ ❝ he is someone you should truly stay away from because every smile of his drips with danger, every laugh is coated with mystery and every touch has tragedy lingering yet that's the only thing you can't bring yourself to do -- staying away from him. especially when he seeks you out himself. ❞

warnings ; racer!zai. age gap. dazai is in late twenties while reader is in early twenties, nineteen to be exact. angst. romance. tragedy. illegal racing and illegal activities. port mafia is in here too. dazai has smoking addiction. drug addiction. toxic workplace. reader works at a club. sexual harassment. prostitution though it's mentioned lightly. uses of whore, slut etc in a derogatory way. pedophilic behaviour and pedophilia, mentions of grooming.

chapter specific warnings ; mentions of being raped, sexual assault, dissociation from reality etc.

masterlist.

it's a busy night tonight, you think to yourself as you descend down the stairs, going down to the ground floor to help at the bar. you stop for a moment to admire the moon shining brightly through the glass windows before you look down at the roads below and wonder how ironic it is for a club to be able to blend so well with it's surroundings.

how many people must pass by this lavish two floor building without even realising that they just passed by a club?

you wish you could be one of them, alas, you aren't. continuing to walk down after that short moment of peace, you initially flinch as the loud music reaches your ear. you aren't used to loud noises even yet despite working here for years.

as you walk through the many tables and couches, you have to pretend as if you don't feel the leering disgusting stares on your ass or the whispers of immature or drunk guys betting to each other how long it will take before you end up in bed with them. can't they be more quieter about their perverse nature?

you increase your pace, fortunately there was no customer who decided to stop you so you reached the bar without any intruptions or hardships, after which only do you take a breath of relief. the worst thing is you can't say no to any customer if they want you to do them some sexual favours. your boss won't listen to your reasons that this isn't your work and you are just a escort here. he will only tell you to keep quiet and keep your head low, desperate to please his disgusting customers no matter what.

you hate all of them. even your boss. you can't stand any of these disgusting men who think they are above all just because they have a little too much money to spare.

"i am surprised how packed and busy the second floor is." one of the bartenders say, leaning over the counter to talk to you since the music here is so loud.

you nod, leaning in so he can hear you speak too, "it's cause there will be a race later on."

"woah, really? just out in the open like this?" he expresses the same surprise you did when you first heard about it from one of the strippers who learnt this from her client -- the organizer of these races.

"mhm, money talks." you smile, leaning back to stand properly, slipping your feet out of the painful heels you are wearing to relieve them for a little while. you don't give them time to heal because you don't have the permission to do so. looking down at your feet, you grimace yourself at how they are covered with red markings from the heel. your soles pain alot too and even bending your toes is painful.

leaning back against the counter to look over at the bustling club, you wonder how their lives are. your eyes dart towards the entrance right in time to see a man with blue dyed hair entering and you immediately straighten up, adjusting your top.

the man moves like a snake slithering between the dancing and making out bodies on the dance floor. you squint your eyes to focus on him as he seems to blend in with the crowd.

"what are you focusing on?" the bartender from before is also leaning on the counter, eyes trained on the man.

"he's one of the event manager's of those races." you tell, not looking away even once.

"damn, he looks more like he belongs to a gang or one of those kpop idols."

"well he certainly fits the illegal part of those races." you smile, turning to look at the bartender again. "they come here often. good luck in guessing who is who."

"finally a good pass time apart from listening to horrible hook up stories." the bartender snorts sarcastically as you wave at him, turning to walk towards the direction of the blue haired man.

it's not hard to find him as he sits where he always does, at the centre on one of the u-shaped couches, observing the rest of the club.

he nods at you upon seeing you approach him and smiles a bit as you lean down to have your ear next to his mouth so he can speak without having to be loud.

"is the boss done?" he asks, you look down at your digital watch before shaking your head. "nope, there's still an hour left. he rented the room for six hours today. he's here since seven p.m."

you tell the man who groans. "what does he even do there?"

you blink. "um normally when someone books a room, it's to have se--"

"i know." the man cuts you off immediately, smiling sheepishly as he waves his hand to dismiss you yet you stay there as you want to ask him something.

you wet your bottom lip with your tongue before nervously whispering, "is he gonna come?"

the man furrows his eyebrows in thought then quickly smiles, "i am joking. of course he will, you are here after all."

you smile as you mutter a small thank you, turning as you leave because you do not want that man to see how happy you feel on hearing that since 'he' is the only one who makes it worth working in this hellhole.

cheers and howls erupted at the same time like an explosion when the familiar koenigsegg drives over the finishing line in first place. many more cheers erupted when it drifted and did it's famous donut on the road with it's tires as it stopped itself. due to the car's velocity, dust and pebbles which were on the road were now blowing around when the door of the car opened.

he steps out, his brown hair being the first thing which the spectators can see as he ruffles his hair, smirking. as the dust settles on the road again, rushed footsteps is all he hears before seeing his manager laughing joyfully.

"attaboy! " the older man cheers, laughing as he pats the taller man's shoulder. "you keep this up and you might catch the eyes of one of those suckers, my boy hafta get invited to formula one at this rate."

he smirks in amusement at the older's enthusiasm but quickly bursts his bubble of imagination, "oh my, how sad it is that despite your motivation i do not think of racing as anything more than a pass time?" he teases the older man who rolls his eyes. when the older man smirks, his gold tooth flashes as it catches the light from one of the streetlights, "if you change your mind, hit yo man up, 'kay dazai?"

dazai only rolls his eyes, "where's boss man?" he asks, not wanting to waste another second here.

"at the club.... where are you goin--"

"to the club." dazai shouts, already jogging away while the older man sighs, grumbling under his breath. "he's always at that club. what's so special that he runs there every night?"

dazai quickly jogged towards his mercedes, adjusting his hair in the rear view mirror and looking over his face incase something out of the ordinary was tainting it. he quickly looked away however, he can never tolerate seeing his own face too much. he opens the glove compartment to take out his box of cigarettes and a lighter, these two being absolutely essential for him. it's like he can't function without these now, a bad habit but he's already too addicted to give a fuck now.

he takes out one cigarette stick and holds it between his lips, using his other hand to light the lighter and brings the small flame closer towards the free end of the stick. as soon as he takes one puff he releases a loud puff as if he had only now engulfed oxygen.

tilting his head back, he closes his eyes for a while as his body feels it's almost reached a heaven like state, he feels light and he can feel the nicotine in every vein running through his body. it's been only six hours without smoking and he already feels as if he was going to loose his mind. cutting off his smoking habit seems like a distant dream now.

he sighs again as he looks at his face in the rearview mirror again, making sure he looks absolutely dashing. he has a girl to impress once again after all. ".... should i get her chocolates?"

"i am sorry, i don't drink during work hours." you politely smile to conceal your fear which the man sitting on the couch in this private room is producing in you, having no choice but to serve him because this is your job. you can't 'slack' off on your job as said by your boss the last time you tried to bring these kinds of harassment to his attention.

"mhm baby, just a bit? come on, it's gonna be worth it, i promise." he doesn't understand and continues to push you to do something you clearly don't want to. you lick your lips as you feel them go dry, a shrill stab of fear goes through your chest when you see his eyes narrow at your action as he had clearly seen this as 'seduction'. he doesn't seem to think of the sweatbeads on your forehead and your wide frantic eyes as signs of panick or fear but rather as signs of you trying to appear demure to seduce him.

"i was eighteen not long ago sir, please don't. we will both get in troub --" your voice is shaky due to fear, eyes closing as you try not to grimace when he lowers his hand to cup your cheek. his hand feels disgusting on your skin but you can't speak about it. you internally feel your stomach clench in disgust when he begins to rub his thumb up and down your cheek as he leans in, his hot breath hits the shell of your ear, "you think you can fool me? you think i don't know how long you have been working here? are you allowed to have favourites between customers, hmm? should i have a word with your boss?"

his underlying threats makes you widen your eyes, desperately shaking your head as you plead. "i-i am sorry. i was out of line, sir. i will drink it."

he smiles in victory, his hand moves down to cup your jaw as he brings your face forwards while tilting the glass towards your lips, you part your lips slowly as the drink flows down your throat. you have to pinch your thighs to not end up coughing or gagging.

"good girl. take a big sip." he orders, a shiver travels down your spine as you can guess what perverted thoughts are behind his cocky smile.

don't puke. don't puke. don't puke. hold it in. hold it in. don't puke.

you chant to yourself because you cannot manage to make a mistake. boss is a scary man. not knowing his name despite living with him for eight years is enough of a proof.

his hand travels up towards your lips as he taps it with his thumb before he leans down, licking his lips greedily as he tries to peak down the low cut neckline of your jacket. a cropped leather jacket under which you are wearing just a bra.

don't puke. don't puke. don't puke. don't puke. don't puke. don't puke. don't puke. don't puke. don't puke.

the man tilts the glass down to watch the alcoholic drink flow down your throat and neck, disappearing inside your jacket. he gulps in pleasure at the thought of this drink staining your cleavage, how lewd it must look if he had the chance to see them, drops of the drink would cling to your nipples and drip down your chest.

an excited huff of breath escapes his lips at the imagery in his twisted mind, he smiles to seem apologetic but all you see are the ugly curves of his lips, like a monster smiling before devouring it's prey.

"i am sorry baby." he begins to speak, grabbing a few tissues from the tissue box next to him, he curled them and began to dap it on your neck. at his movement a very violent shudder travels down your spine, you don't even have to raise your eyes to see his second hand slowly inching towards his belt. the reason he is being so discrete despite wanting to pleasure himself is simple, this despicable man gets off to the thrill of subtlety.

"you should take your jacket off, i will help you clean it." he says, hand dipping lower to press the tissues against your covered cleavage, a shuddering breath escapes his lips, eyes hungrily waiting for you to expose more of yourself, to feed into his perversion more.

"i-i can do it myself." you stutter, trying to take a step back but he grabs your forearms, his fingers digging into your skin as he shakes his head. "no, no. it's my fault so let me help."

his words aren't a request or anything. it's an order. the previous threat of complaining to boss hangs at the back of your mind as you quietly unzip your jacket and take it off.

the man ogles your breasts covered by the bra, his hand slips inside his pants as he begins to jerk. "lean forward."

and you know you have to follow what he says because trapped in the walls of this private room, he is the king and you are the slave. not only to him but to the emperor (boss) as well. whatever boss says shall happen, no?

you do not have a choice, you think, it's all your fault anyway. you made a bad choice years ago and now this is the consequence.

. . . but isn't it too much? doesn't matter. blaming yourself somehow helps you to suck it up and continue working despite your own self screaming how unfair it is.

when the man leans to unclasp your bra, you do not flinch or react. over time you learned that fighting it or resisting it is more painful than the actual process (it isn't, both are equally awful but somehow gaslighting and blaming yourself helps you function.)

the man's hands hover over your breasts, skimming the skin as he pants.

a beep emits from your phone which is by his side before he could grab your flesh, a annoyed look of almost fury spreads onto his face as he looks at the useless piece of technology, he reads who messaged you and almost sighs but he doesn't.

no king is foolish enough to deny the emperor.

"it's your boss, go. he's sending someone else for me." he informs you, voice laced in annoyance yet the relief his words fill you with is almost enough to make you tear up.

it takes you no more than five minutes to wear your bra and jacket again, grabbing your phone as you immediately twist on your heels and walk out with hurried steps.

you unlock your phone to see what boss messaged you, heart thumping in your chest as you read the text.

boss : dress nice. he is here.

a shiver filled with relief travels down your vertebral column as you can finally meet the one who makes working here a bit more bearable. he hadn't come here yesterday or the day before yesterday so you are really happy that he is here today.

of course he has a life. he is not inclined to remember you either but it still feels depressing to think he will forget you one day, you won't be more than a blur with the tag of 'a girl at a nightclub'. it just feels wrong to not be remembered by anyone so you will put this expectation on the one who treated you like a human.

perhaps because he himself is unable to feel human? ... what an odd thing to say. you shake your head to rid yourself of these thoughts, thinking much about him is like being pulled down towards the ocean in a sinking ship where gravity works against your favour. if you sink too much into him, you are afraid he might run away like he always does.

he enjoys being a enigma, a mystery to intellectuals, an illusion disgused as a puzzle waiting to be solved but when you try to touch his pieces, the illusion shatters and he disappears.

your feet stop as you stand infront of boss's room. if he sees you here, you will have to go in so you retreat hastily, walking far far away from his office because you can never walk away from the man himself.

the door is always surrounded by black shadows which make the door seem narrower and more twisted then it actually appears, two years ago you realised it's because of your fear and bad memories associated with the room that makes your vision play tricks on you whenever it falls on this door.

you walk away for hours despite only a few minutes passing before you enter the dressing rooms where many pretty yet broken women lounges, some getting ready for their shift while some relaxed and others got ready to leave this godforsaken place for good only to return tomorrow.

a few smiles greeted you but then disappeared once they noticed your drenched and sweaty state and everyone ignored you, to not humiliate you. truly it's a messed up life you guys live, isolated from the 'normal, working part of society', drained in everything intoxicating and forbidden, placed on a pedestal where some think of as a fantasy while others look at you guys with either desire or mockery.

it is a monotonous process involving only a few steps -- you entered one of the dressing rooms with a dress you grabbed from the big closets, discarding your current ones which makes you want to vomit and instead slipping into the new ones ; black shorts and a tank top of the same colour. your steps are light and almost airy when you step out and walk towards the vanity area, adjusting your makeup and combing through your hair before you are on your way out again, waving at the women who still lounged.

your hips swayed as you walked out, putting on a confident smile as you enter the people packed areas again. this is the life you live, you can't slack off for even one second no matter how much harassment or violation you go through, you have to keep on dancing on thorns so the perverts can drink your blood from your feet and throw money at you which boss greedily grabs and hides in his black hole of a heart.

from your peripheral vision you see a customer raise their hand at the sight of you, needing some kind of assistance. you shift your body to face his direction, taking two steps in his direction but not more for a slender hand wraps around your hip to pull you towards him. you look up, eyes meeting those honey brown ones which seem to always have mischief and danger dripping down them and whoever looks into it can't help but lean in to drink it greedily.

greed is very reoccurring, is it not?

"hey." he breaths out, smelling like fresh mint. he smiles down at you and it feels the entire world stilled to admire the curve of his lips, you find yourself imitating him and smiling back, a giddy itch in your heart.

"hey." you breath out too. it's no fair, he seems to always steak your breath away. he applies forces on his hand on your hip to make you walk with him, away from the customer and from everyone towards one of the private rooms which is indirectly off limits to everyone else. only he uses it, it's untouchable to anyone else.

the room is nothing much worth defining because this specific room may be the treasure where you store your good memories, the other replicas of this exact room are horrifying realities tucked close till the door opens. you know these rooms better then anyone, having stared at them for hours while greedy folks had their fill of you, drank and left you all weak on the floor but alas that's the life of a prostitute.

never a human, always desired.

are you a mere escort? a prostitute? you aren't aware of your own identity in this concealed world of sins and desires. for all you know, you might be the golden hen with a eye-catching bow on her head, one which lures pigs.

oh silly you, pigs don't eat hens.

are you sure they don't? when even a human is capable of eating another, why can't a pig eat a hen? they have been eating you for years.

"thinking something?" his voice breaks you out of the never ending labyrinth of your thoughts, you smile almost from muscle memory alone.

"does dazai-san want me to think of only him?" you speak, a well reversed stream of words which dance around you as even to him you say them without meaning to. somehow you feel as if dazai knows it as well, that you only cling to him because he offers you safety.

"that's up to you but dazai-san himself has been thinking about you." his voice is airy and playful with gaps that are filled with mystery which he weaved himself, breaking pieces of himself and starving whoever is his companion before feeding them a very tiny piece, leaving them wanting for more.

you look up at him curiously, so he answers. "i wanted to buy you flowers but would you believe all chocolate shops and bakeries are closed at this time?" he whines playfully yet why is it that all the time spend together gave you an ability to look past the thick disguises to see just how tired he looks beneath them all?

how's it even possible to present oneself as filled with energy while being exhausted to the brink of fainting from the inside?

"why would you waste your money on me -- ah, i didn't mean to sound ungrateful. i am just curious dazai-san." you speak as he walks, making you walk along with him till you two approach the couch and he doesn't make you sit on the floor, he pats the space next to him once he is seated on the couch, you obey.

"too many questions, sweetie." dazai chuckles before he tilts his head back, eyes closing as if the burdens of the world is on his shoulders, "i have my reasons."

his answer is vague, hardly an answer but you nod, placing your hands between your thighs as you look down. "dazai-san?"

"hm?"

"thank you."

"hm?"

you smile as you continue to look down, shrugging. "for letting me breath and never asking me for sex."

how horrifying must it be for one to live such life that when someone doesn't immediately ask them to strip or kneel, they are grateful and feel as if they own them something, dazai thinks. he hasn't opened his eyes yet but he extends his hand to pat your knee. "don't thank me for treating you like a basic human."

and how much irony his words hold because what does he know about humans and how they live, how they feel and how they function?

but how can one think he doesn't know all this? knowing and acting on it is a very different think from naturally being born with the instinct. that's his only fault.

his words reach a part of your heart you didn't know still existed within you, which hadn't broken down due to your situation and misfortune. said part is very fragile and weak yet extremely guarded yet his words hold equal value. the parallelism of the man you were serving before him and him is too grave to not move you. you lower your head, eyes filling with tears as you nod yet you do not cry. you never cry.

crying makes you look ugly, boss always scolds you whenever he sees a tiny little tear attempting to leave the cage which are your eyes.

"i won a race today." to anyone else it might seem like a casual comment yet to you whose every move is watched like vultures watching a poor weak lamb limp as it tries to fight against it's inevitable death, this means a lot because he's really not treating you like you are an eye candy but rather as a normal person because he knows this normalcy is something you will never get.

"you are amazing dazai-san --"

"dazai." he corrects you, sitting up as he looks at you with his head tilted, a charming boyish smile on his face which makes your stomach flutter, "no need for honorific, hm? or i will use them with you too."

no, it's not only your stomach that flutters but the lining of your stomach that folds, your intestines which squeeze and your lungs which stop functioning whenever he speaks to you because his voice is so soft and gentle it feels as if everything will be better, the bad time will pass and good will come find you, that's what his voice is.

"you are not good for my health dazai-san-- dazai." you correct yourself at the last second, smiling at how better his name sounds without having to use honorific which you only use with clients to make them feel even more superior then what they already are,. you continue, "do you do this with every girl over here?"

you turn to look at him, tears still in your eyes yet none of you comment or acknowledge them. he grins, "do what?"

"make them feel special."

"nah," he quickly shakes his head, grinning as he leans closer to tap your nose, "i only do that with my special girl."

he freezes. the grin that takes over your lips and brightens your features, which makes you look much more happier and more your age and the realisation that it's because of him makes him feel funny.

he looks down, feeling shy now as he leans his head on your shoulder, making you halt as you look down at him.

"you say all that to me yet don't you know how bad you are for my health?" he mutters in a pouty tone, making your heart do flips.

"but i am only this way with you --"

"i know." he whispers.

"it's because you make me feel comfortable and i don't feel obligated to act a certain way around yo --"

"i know." he whispers again and you huff.

"what are you? a mindreader?"

"yeah, and i can even read your mind!" dazai teases, cackling as he sees the look of skepticism on your face. it's always worth it to see your reactions. "right now, you need to close your eyes and go to sleep for a while. your brain is begging you to take a small nap." he teases, once again a cackle escapes his lips when he sees your eyes widen, it's almost comical to him.

to you, however, it's astonishing because how does he know about the pounding headache on the back of your head? is he that good at reading people? must be. these are the times where you realise how much intellect this man hides behinds his tomfoolery, the times which makes a sensible part of you scream to distance yourself from this enigmatic man.

but how can you?

oh truly, how can you!

he wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you towards his chest, leaning back against the couch as he tries to find a possible position which will be comfortable for you both.

truly how can you distance yourself from him when every touch leaves your skin tingling and wanting more?

greed is inevitable and you are no God.

you fall for greed too. especially when it comes in the form of a man named dazai osamu.

as the man who has your whole attention shifts the cushions behind you both to find a specific position which will make his aching muscles to sing praises for showing them mercy, your eyes do not stray away from him, a true devoted follower.

you stare intently at his bandages emerging from deep below his neck as you wonder how he got them. he doesn't really speak much about him. you do not want to risk asking and angering him too.

"if you want to ask questions, prepare to answer some yourself too." he advices, not even looking at you yet it feels as if there is a pair of invisible eyes behind his head which are devouring your walls and masks. you nod. "how do i know it's the right time to ask?"

he pauses, a look of thought on his face though it's only a act, he quickly goes back to smoothing and adjusting the cushions as he answers, "when you have the upper hand."

you purse your lips. upper hand against someone like him? yeah, as if.

your sigh is inaudible as the advice he gave can't be used against him at all.

"hm. so much sighing from someone so young. when does your shift end again?" he asks which makes you look at the clock on the wall, "in half an hour. why?"

you look at him. his eyes are closed and a lazy smirk is on his face. "in half an hour let's go on a date. who knows how many upper hands you may receive if you do?"

his words are a trap. a bait to lure you in. you shake your head, not wanting to take unnecessary risk but the thought of being alone with boss for the night is more unpleasant, you can either sit in a room with snacks or rats.

the latter doesn't seem as dangerous as snakes but truly what's more scarier — the eye catching snake or the rats which curries away from under one's nose?

that's dazai and boss respectively. the date and being alone with boss likewise.

you blame dazai for this, ever since you began to meet with him a few months ago you began to see how disgusting boss really is, he makes your skin curl in disgust after dazai opened your eyes to what you consider normal to not be anyone else's normal.

you take your bottom lip between your upper row of teeth, sinking them onto your plush lip as you ponder while dazai removes his watch and tosses it on the glass spherical coffee table made of black marble. his moves are casual but he's a pretty snake. like a mamba.

the mamba or the rat?

"where ..... will we go?" you cautiously ask to which he hums. "a secret spot."

"your racing venue?"

"no. it's too soon for that — maybe after two or three dates i might take you there too?" he grins as he talks, eyes not opening because you know he doesn't think of you as a threat. you, however, do.

you nod. it's a date so maybe you should get ready?

as if hearing your thoughts, he shakes his head. dazai sits up and let's out a few curses when his joints pop in protest, screaming at this man who doesn't show mercy to even his own self.

"i don't want you to not enjoy yourself with me because of a headache. for now, you will sleep." he orders. it's not a advice or words spoken from worry but a prophecy in a way which will be true if you do not follow him.

what a dictator.

though you do not object for you have no reason to yet. instead you curl by his side, leaning back against his open arm. with your face against his chest, you close your eyes as the drumming of his fingers against your shoulders are a lullaby.

as your eyes close you are unable to see the pair of eyes who got their pigment from the sorrow it went through. sun lights and honey and tree trunks are all romanticized but his eyes are the colours of a abandoned and dried tree trunk which always feels as if this breath is it's last breath but then somehow the roots find water and its pulled up by the thread it's hanging on which dangles between life and death.

his fingers curl against your shoulder as he pulls you closer, shutting his eyes as his other hand is on your hip and pulls you closer by it.

though an hour later in the starry and chilly night sky which has no witnesses apart from the coldness, you crouch on the ground and scream. "dazai!"

you close your eyes to not look at the white tiger which lunges at you to attack you, his body looking majestic under the night sky.

this was not how you expected your date to go.

[imnotstandingstill]

This is an interesting statistical breakdown. The math is fine, but the way it is applied is interesting. The initial argument is regarding “late term abortions,” abortions performed after 21 weeks. And then a set of statistics are given for the reported reason (I’m assuming the reason given by the mother at the time of the abortion) behind their decision. Again, that’s fine.

However, it appears the percentages are a breakdown of termination decisions throughout all stages of pregnancy, not just late term. Also, I can’t find these specific numbers, and the ones I can find are quite a bit different.

These numbers are based on abortions done in Florida, as it is the only state that records a reason for every abortion done in the state. Also of note, “no reason” could mean any number of things, anywhere from the woman felt none of the options accurately portrayed their situation to they did not want to disclose a reason.

There are some other numbers as well just above these that reflect reasons from a study done in 2004 by the Guttmacher Institute they surveyed 1,209 “post-abortive.” Of note, these numbers reflect only the reason the mother deemed most significant, however: “89% gave at least two and 72% gave at least three; the median number of reasons given was four, and some women gave as many as eight reasons out of a possible 13,” per the results section of the Guttmacher Institute’s research paper on the survey.

My point being the numbers can vary greatly just based on population size alone, not to mention the method of how the numbers are collected. However my bigger point is that these numbers are not broken down by reason and gestational age, just the reason. So these numbers cannot directly be applied to late term abortions in the same way as it can be applied to abortions overall. Not to say that it can’t, but there’s no evidence that it does. However, I do find it interesting that, in the data I found at least, fetal anomalies account for 0.95% in the first data set and 3% in the second data set, and that is because of anatomy scans. Let me explain.

Anatomy scans are done at the 20 week mark (generally anywhere from 18 to 22 weeks gestation, depending on scheduling/availability). The reason the 20 week mark is used is because that is the point that all major structures are formed. This diagram from mothertobaby.org is a pretty good condensed illustration of the general development of major structures.

One only major structure not mentioned here is the lungs; the outer structure of the lungs are formed by roughly 16 weeks, with the inner structures responsible for the gas exchange between oxygen and carbon dioxide considered mature around 36-38 weeks (though these structures continue to grow and mature well into the toddler years and the lungs grow with baby), which is why preterm and especially extremely preterm infants can require significant respiratory support to survive.

Because week 20 is generally when all major structures are formed, is it the earliest point that structural defects can be noticed. Any structural defects are markers for potential major fetal anomalies. These anomalies may be immediately identified as very concerning (examples being omphalocele, myelomeningocele aka spinal bifida, or even missing organs) or simply an area of concern that should be monitored just in case. The CDC has info here about how often different defects happen. I have extensive experience with a lot of these defects and would be happy to discuss any in detail if anyone is interested, but long story short, converting to percentages and adding them up comes to roughly 1.3% of pregnancies leading to some kind of congenital defect of varying severities and treatability. With some of these defects it is most common to see it in conjunction with another if not multiple other defects, making treatment much more difficult.

All this to say, if a mother (or parents together) decide to abort a pregnancy due to a health problem in the fetus, that health problem is usually not discovered until the 20 week ultrasound/anatomy scan. If you then taking into account medical discussions, deliberation time, and scheduling barriers, this would put those abortions after the 21 week mark. If 0.95% of abortions are done as a result of major fetal anomalies, most if not all of these decisions would have been the result of findings on the 20 week fetal anomaly scan. And if roughly 1% (or 0.9% per the data collected in 2021 as presented by the CDC) of abortions are “late term,” meaning occurring after week 21, than is makes sense if most if not nearly all are done as a result of major fetal anomalies. And more than likely, nearly if not all are done for major fetal anomalies and/or life of the mother.

I am not saying there are never exceptions. No one knows everything that happens in the world. But this is why if you say you are fact-checking, it is importantly to make sure the facts are used appropriately and accurately. Otherwise, that’s how disinformation spreads. These late term abortions are loved and wanted children that are lost because of an impossible and difficult decision. They do not deserve to have salt rubbed in their wounds as they mourn a child they lost or couldn’t care for the way they would have needed to be cared for.

“Late term abortions are so rare we do not even need to worry about them and they ONLY happen for life of the mother situations.”

Ok let’s fact-check that.

Firstly:

.065% of abortions are because a woman’s life is endangered, and .666 are because of a fetal abnormality

So 0.731% of abortions would even possibly be argued as justified in that sense, and the likely good that all of those were caught AFTER 21 weeks is low. Right?

So let’s address late terms being uncommon. Abortions at later gestational durations are comparatively uncommon: only 1.0% of abortions take place at or after 21 weeks after the first day of the pregnant person's last menstrual period

Yet, researchers estimate there were 1,026,700 abortions in 2023. "That's the highest number in over a decade, [and] the first time there have been over a million abortions provided in the U.S. formal health care system since 2012,"

1% of 1,026,700 is 10,276.

0.731% (which is what could be feasibly argued be be “necessary” remember? And even that I would disagree in many of those cases,) is 7505.177.

Roughly 10,276 abortions a year are late term. Let’s put this into some context.

In the United States, there are approximately 4,000 unintentional drowning deaths each year, which is about 11 deaths per day.

In 2022, there were 3,790 civilian fire deaths in the United States.

In 2022, the FBI reported that there were 4,251 victims of murder who identified as female in the United States. A further 93 murder victims were of an unknown gender in that year.

Sooooo… your idea of “so rare it isn’t worth discussing” is more than twice the annual American deaths by drowning. More than twice the annual American deaths by fire, more than twice the number of American women murdered a year.

And even IF we decide that the 7,505 were 100% necessary and unavoidable (which I highly doubt) that still leaves 2,762 late term abortions that weren’t. 8 viable babies a day.

That’s significantly higher than the body counts of any serial killer in history. 8 a day. Minimum.

[loving-family-poll]

2nd Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 2

Propaganda under the cut:

Anna/Elsa:

THE juggernaut Frozen ship, and I will never forget our glory days!! Anna's act of true love canonically saving Elsa, and then them having a bunch of children from Elsa's sneezes in the Frozen short… Iconic. They will ALWAYS be the most important thing in each other's lives (remember the time Kristoff was trying to propose to Anna, and she was like "Hmm did you see how Elsa was acting weird? I need to go investigate")

Staple for the incest and yuri fandom of the 2010s. Ridiculously romantic storyline of having the kind of true love that's stuff of legends, capable of trumping fear and breaking curses. They are willing to sacrifice anything for each other and we even have a dumbfounded person looking at how beautiful the other is atop of the stairs. Olaf is their baby I guess.

In their attempt to pander to homophobic fans and make a movie about sisterly love instead of lesbians, Disney accidentally made the most beautiful incestuous love story of all time. I just KNOW they were fantasizing about each other while Elsa was locked in her room for all those years. Yes, it's supposed to be a family-friendly princess movie. True sickos know that that's the point.

Elsa and Anna. Two sisters who are separated for thirteen years and yet those thirteen years only entangle them deeper – Anna haunting Elsa because Elsa will not let herself forget the night of the accident, holding Anna close as a child and sobbing… Elsa’s whole life after that moment defined by that moment, defined by protecting Anna and keeping her distance from Anna while yearning to be near to her as the years go by… Elsa sacrificing her everything in the desperate hope that Anna will be safe… If “love is putting someone else’s needs before yours,” then Elsa does that over and over for thirteen years even as she suffers from wanting all the time to be with her sister… – Elsa haunting Anna because Anna is separated from her sister but does not know why, separated from her sister but longing for her sister – and to both of them, the thought of the other becomes something to worship – until Anna gives her life to throw herself before Elsa and stop the falling sword – until Elsa can finally, finally touch Anna again but now Anna is frozen to solid ice, so the only thing Elsa can touch is the reminder that she killed the person she loves most in this world. And then Anna thaws and they cling to each other, united by love – by a desperate, all-consuming, true love that thaws Arendelle around them – and they still carry the thousand wounds from their childhood but they have each other, they love each other, they are in each other’s arms.

I cannot stress enough how intense the film’s focus on touch makes things for incest shippers. Not only are the sister’s separated, but Elsa cannot touch Anna skin to skin, must always wear the gloves, must always keep a barrier between herself and the one she most longs to hold, to touch. Imagine the exhilaration of that first embrace on the fjord. Being able to touch without fear for the first time in years. Imagine the relief.

I also want to cite this, from an anonymous submission to a headcanon blog:

"However, since protecting Anna also required her to stay away from Anna at all times, Anna became sacred, in a sense: something fragile and special to be watched over but never touched or spoken to. She would come to love Anna in much the same way people come to love religious icons: Anna had always been there and had never been there. She loved Elsa and did not know Elsa. She was warm and kind and dedicated and was under no circumstances to be tainted with Elsa’s presence unless she kept the tightest possible control over herself."

That fear of destroying Anna, of corrupting Anna by touching her, of letting loose the repressed part of herself - all of it comes together so exquisitely for an incest ship.

And after they rediscover each other, in Frozen 2? Their bond remains just as intense. The last word on Elsa’s lips before freezing is Anna’s name. Anna, when she realizes Elsa’s “death,” sings a heartbreaking song that includes the lyrics:

“I can't find my direction, I'm all alone The only star that guided me was you How to rise from the floor When it's not you I'm rising for?”

Their pain is born of their love, and their love for each other drives them both forward."

Lestat/Gabrielle:

what if you were a 21 yo blonde guy turned into a vampire against your will and you turned your terminally ill emotionally unavailable 50 yo mother in a vampire also and she immediately started to dress as a beautiful man (she is eerily similar to you…) and you thought that you weren't alone finally and she would understand you and finally accept you and you made out nasty style but then she realized that she still doesn't really give a fuck about you. and ran away into the forest. to sleep in the dirt.

conversely what if you were a noblewoman that hates all of her children and feels completely and absolutely alone all of the time and trapped in a life you do not want but then your least hated son (who looks exactly like you and who you feel insanely jealous of because he is able to live the life you cannot) turns you into a vampire and for an evening you feel happiness and you experience true freedom until you realize that this new more powerful existence which frees you from the social norms of your time ALSO makes you unable to change anything about yourself so you can't even CUT YOUR HAIR LIKE THE MAN YOU ARE. and ALSO your annoying fucking crybaby son is there still and you hate him a little because despite being what you WISH you were he does not accept that freedom? and insists on living among humans? so you run away to live in the forest and sleep in the dirt

Flamboyant bi son and emotionally distant transmasc mom duo who bond to survive abusive circumstances and start making out after he turns her into a vampire (which technically makes him her dad as well). Lestat describes her boobs in lurid detail and literally refers to them as "lovers kissing" in canon. Gabrielle ends up abandoning her sonlover after a couple years on the road together, causing him to literally bury himself under a house out of sheer misery. If they try to smooth any of this over in the books I will riot.

freaky, freaky man and his genderqueer mother who he’s totally normal about. they kiss on the mouth many times and are described as lovers

[randomfoggytiger]

I view his public persona as a sad, sensitive and pessimistic man with reservations - I don't even think he's an introvert. Much of his speech and how he presents himself to the public is calculated to keep certain controversial personal choices out of the spotlight. And that's fine, I don't care about his personal life, I admire him a lot as a professional - he'll always be Fox Mulder and 90% of the character's success was his doing. But it is possible to be a fan without losing sight of the fact that actors are loyal to their desires and their bank accounts - and have no qualms about using everything they can to stay in the good graces - and pockets - of the fans. He's no Bill Crosby, but he's far from being Gandhi.

I do and don't agree, I think. Gonna put this below because the discussion got a bit hefty:

Let's break these into points, keeping his girlfriend last.

Firstly: I do agree... somewhat. What's shown to the public is calculated-- he admits it, too: the juggle of keeping enough of yourself out of the public spotlight, away from constant speculation and criticism, and enough "in" to market your brand. But so do other celebrities, politicians, front-facing corporate workers, YouTubers, streamers, etc., etc. Often times, it's not directly calculated for results-- though it always has to be, to a degree: our bad or boring sides aren't marketable-- so much as what he calls "podcast face": a persona he uses for his work, be it in fan interactions, on talk shows, with associates and cast and crew, etc.

Regardless, to my knowledge it wasn't until really recently that he wanted to be seen as an emotionally sad, vulnerable person. He's alluded to this side of himself before through "hee hee, hah hah, I feel pathetic all the time" snippets but always accompanied that reality with a joke or witticism to divert attention. The podcast has been the most open I've heard him talk about his struggles and pain.

Secondly: I strongly believe he's an introvert, since there is plenty of evidence that that is likely the case. He himself admitted, years and years back, that he goes home from the X-Files and needs an entire day to decompress, alone. Tea confirmed this and was fine with it (don't know what changed after kids, but they did pretty good, regardless.) The cast and crew of each movie he shot or tv series he worked on echoed similar observations: withdrawn, soulful (i.e. moody on bad days), not really hobnobby outside of work. I've also read the same from personal interviews with his family and from fans who've continually met him; and I've seen footage and pictures that point to the same conclusion (i.e. when he's unaware fans/bts people are filming v. when he is.)

Does he have fun making connections, friendships, and contacts? Oh, yeah-- but that doesn't make him an extrovert or introvert. To make a long and more complicated story short: introverts, boiled down, are people whose brains intake information differently than extroverts-- information goes in, and stays in, until they have time alone to process it. Extroverts process (mostly) everything in the moment, around people and external situations.

Thirdly: Yes, I remain staunch that you, I, and others can acknowledge where someone might live differently or make different choices and still be a fan. There will always, always be something about a person you strongly dislike, be it their thoughts or how they live their life or who they support or don't support. Humans are human. Even Ghandi wasn't "Ghandi", after all.

Lastly: I don't agree in that.... Hm, how to approach this. I've done a lot of deep-diving into the polarization in this fandom because it fascinated me; and at the end of the day, evidence against fell through and evidence for remains what it is.

David didn't really keep Monique Pendleberry private. He's said, again and again, that he doesn't trust social media and doesn't really want to interact with it; so engaging with the discussion via that angle was a fruitless moot point. So, what did he do in his personal life? He took her on tours; he invited her onstage to sing with the band and his behind-the-scenes people; he engaged with (to my knowledge) her filming or snapping his photo for her Instagram account-- or at least wasn't bothered when she uploaded pictures of him "behind his back" (and he would have found out about later through teenager West.) They were snapped together in photos with the event coordinators of his concerts. He teamed up for a few of her workout collaborations with a California gym. He brought her to Gillian's play, and they and GA and PM (allegedly) were spotted eating dinner together that night. He's taken her routinely to spots that are celebrity pap hot spots, and hasn't shut down articles with pics calling her his girlfriend. For those that wanted to know, their relationship has been public for years-- most, out of this space, just don't care.

The only thing he didn't do was engage with her Insta... but he's also said publicly that he has someone managing his social media accounts (we all suspect it's either her or his manager Brad, anyway.) And during the years since their first appearances and now, his family and friends didn't seem ashamed to be publicly seen with him or to do repeated public events together (e.g. Tea voice acting Miss Subways, Tea posing at a music studio with him, Tea and he being friendly while engaging with paps if necessary, etc.)

The only points one could argue are: he didn't take Monique to a red carpet event; some fans report that he wasn't loving towards her in person; his kids don't interact with her; and he doesn't mention her name publicly. The first three can be checked off because fans have also reported, repeatedly, that he's affectionate and loving with her when pap cameras or crowds aren't pressing into their personal space (I've seen evidence from Twitter fans and various pap sites to back up these statements); that he's taken her to a couple public events since then (after his kids were out of the home-- which is smart); and that his kids have interacted with her, without a problem, since 2023 (West continually, Miller in a set of pap shots.) Further, I've seen footage after footage of Monique shrinking from the attention from paps (or the public in general), and looked into theories that she keeps them dialed up-- and, you guessed it, all "substantial" claims fell through, leaving me to believe that she doesn't want to engage with the public except on her own terms (Instagram.) But whatever the truth may be, it hasn't chased away his kids, publicly distanced Tea, or put off feminists Gillian Anderson, Pamela Adlon, and Samantha Bee who A. don't need him for their careers and B. don't seem to mind linking his name with theirs (amongst many others.) That doesn't say a lot in Hollywood, I own; but it does say a lot in the fandom-- namely, those women are often used as "proof" that his peers are ashamed of his "lecherous" lifestyle. I'm sorry, but there's no tangible proof of this claim, let alone that he keeps her away from important people in his life.

At the end of the day, is it my business? No. Do I know them and vice versa? No. Do I see the point in letting their personal business consume my life when all parties involved seem A-okay? Pfffft, no. I've got meta to write.

This got long, so thanks if you stuck with me, anon. :DDDD And if you have different opinions, that's great-- tell me about 'em! I truly want to know.

[a-d-nox]

how to find your word/theme for the new year

oftentimes, people like to know what their theme is for the next year. they want keywords! stuff that is short sweet and to the point (i am gonna do a bit of an explanation for why i picked the word but you will get what i mean). grab your solar return charts - yes, charts! chances are you will be experiencing two general themes in the year (unless you were born the week before the new year or the week following the new year).

my birthday is in october, so it feels like i get a head start on the theme that will take up a majority of my next year. at the same time, i have these two random months at the end of the year that are not the same as the bulk of my year...

so looking at your solar return charts - we want to examine the 1h! the 1h will tell us what is the driving force of the year. so on to my examples for my year (assuming i don't move):

january to october

1h sagittarius (9°, 21°): grow, explore, optimism, freedom, etc

1h ruler in 6h: routine, health, work, service, etc

combining the themes

balance: sagittarius demands personal growth and expansion but 6h requires service and the support of others, if not the support of your body.

expand: sagittarius and jupiter wish to explore new opportunities - the 6h is about health and the job you do, so this could be about expanding your personal development in terms of how you nourish your body or seeking out new job opportunities that will aid your personal development.

harmony: there is a natural opposition oftentimes between asc and 6h (at least using WHS)... so this could be a year of boundaries learning how to balance self-assertion while also being generous towards others.

wellness: both then 1h and the 6h are tied to the body in some way shape and form... and sagittarius is a natural explorer, so this could be a time for you to explore your health, your fitness routine, dna, etc. chance are there is something you can learn to become a better version of yourself physically!

november to december

1h aries (1°, 13°, 25°): courage, assert, lead, confidence, self trust, etc

1h ruler in 8h: transform, power, growth, heal, etc

1h chiron: confront, wisdom, transform, self-acceptance, etc

asc square moon: integrate, present, feel, etc

combining the themes

empower: there is a lot at play in the end portion of the year and for a majority of 2026 for me. with the asc square moon and 1h chiron it seems likely learning to confront being hurt and to be okay with being not okay. 1h ruler in 8h and 1h aries can be about feeling encouraged to reclaim power over a situation. mars/ares is a battle god he has seen some shit and still standing tall, scars and all.

heal: playing off of the themes discussed in "empower", it takes strength and courage to say you want to heal and get better - to no longer want active wounds but scars instead. this is a more focused, emphasized look at 1h ruler in 8h and 1h chiron.

release OR resilience: asc square moon and 1h ruler in the 8h demand a catharsis. let go of what is no longer serving you emotionally. unpack the mental and emotional baggage you carry with you. emerge stronger (1h aries) and wiser (1h chiron) for doing so.

self-acceptance: aries is the 1st sign of the zodiac and often is referred to as the child of the bunch. 1h ruler in the 8h may require you to dig through emotional past stuff. asc square moon is all the emotional stuff you still have bottled up and haven't released yet. 1h chiron are wounds you can't heal yourself... you have learn to embrace everything - hug your inner child because they need it, go through the past stuff and process it, accept those bottled emotions because they have been a part of you for so long, and recognize you can't always patch up your own wounds. accept who you are as a whole - baggage, blood, bottles, and all.

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[lolitastories]

Ours

Rafe Cameron

Description: This will be a short story on how two people who love each other find their way back to one another. They have a child together and have to focus on giving her the best version of themselves but maybe their best version of themselves is when they are apart.

No matter the reason why Rafe and I weren’t officially together could ever make me deny him seeing his daughter. Rafe and I were two young to know what life would bring us after we met 4 years ago. At 19 I needed a change after graduating high school, so I moved to the outer banks. My friends came over to visit and when our pre campfire on the beach was rudely interrupted by a drunk girl, Rafe was there to watch as his friend Topper stopped the girl from starting a fight with one of my friends. My friend was more confident than me and invited them to stay and enjoy the sunset, since then Rafe and I spent most of our free days together. 3 years later I found out we were pregnant. Now I won’t admit I was scared because I wasn’t. Yet per my mother, my actions would tell you otherwise. When I found out I couldn’t block Rafe out of my life for even a day before he started sending constant messages and calling. I definitely couldn't ignore when he would personally go out of his way to come and find me. I was running out of places to hide so I had decided to move back home for a bit. I couldn’t stay too long because it would make my family suspicious, so thankfully being in my first trimester gave me the advantage to knock that reason out of the way. But soon I had to go back and face the decision I had made. The time back home had given me 3 weeks to think how and when I was going to tell Rafe about our future child. Since I was young, I knew I always wanted to be a mother, not this young but truthfully, I was jumping on clouds. The one thing I wanted to make sure before getting pregnant was choosing the right father for my children. He needed to be kind, loving, protective, but most of all understanding. Rafe was all of that and more. Not only did he have all those traits he also made me feel comfortable around him. He was the first man in my life that took care of the little girl who was scared to show herself. He brought out the pain and made it disappear. So, as I walked over to his property in Tanny hill I was determined to settle with whatever he chose to do with the information, that was until I saw him and another girl in his kitchen sharing a drink. I shouldn’t have gone into conclusion, but I was pregnant, and all my emotions were everywhere. I trusted him and when he found out I was back on the island he came to find me. He told me who she was and how he loved me. If it was me alone, I would jump on his arms and take him back, but it wasn’t. I needed to think of the little creature growing inside of me now, so after telling him I was pregnant I also told him I needed time to think about us. I wasn’t testing him, but this little person has become my world, and I needed to prepare to give them my all before welcoming it to the real world.

“We don’t like it here.” I hear the low and grumpy tone coming from behind me. As I turn, I let out a chuckle seeing Rafe and our daughter sharing the same expression. He had her hooked up to his chest as we were making our way to yet another antique store.

“I can understand it from her, but you need to stop acting like a baby.” I shut the tailgate of his trunk and started walking. I heard another groan but soon enough his heavy footsteps were getting closer and closer until he was walking alongside me.

“Promise me you won’t be like your mommy?” I roll my eyes and shake my head. I knew where this sentence was going. “Well,” I could feel his eyes on me, but I continued to walk towards the entrance of the store. “Maybe the good parts but when it comes to shopping, I hope you will drain my bank account at decent stores.” I grab the door hand and pull it open. Rafe walks in giving me a teasing look. I don’t respond knowing it would only lead to a longer conversation down a hole I don’t like. I walk over to grab a cart and walk over to where Rafe is waiting for me. “Every time you come into an antique store you buy nothing. Why do you always bring a cart?”

“Habit.” I shrug as I begin to look around. My mother, siblings and I would enjoy a Saturday in thrift stores and antique shops. We would later get food and rush home with a smile on our faces, it didn’t matter if we were carrying 12 bags or nothing, we were happy.

“Habits do die hard.” He says in a lower tone. I straightened up looking over to him as he played with our daughter's hands. I walk closer, placing my hands over his.

“And I am very proud of you Rafe,” As I looked into his eyes, I felt words choking to get out, but I held them down.

“What a beautiful baby.” Our heads turn looking over to a mid-thirties lady? as she smiled towards us. “Oh, look at her tiny shoes!” She squealed coming over to touch her small shoes. “I remembered my kid's feet being this small, almost making me want another little one.” We laugh alongside her. “Are you two planning to have more?” That question made my smile fade really quick. I looked over to Rafe who had a similar expression. “Either way you two are still young. Enjoy her this little and as much as possible because time goes by fast. You spend your time on things other than family and when you decide to give it priority it's too late.” Her words were like a knife stabbing me right in the heart.

“How many kids do you have?” I could hear their conversation faintly. My fingers began to tighten along the cart's handle. My body began to heat up while my head was spinning.

“Well, it was nice to talk to you two, but I have to find my two devils running around here somewhere.” I was functioning enough to give her a smile before she walked away.

“You, okay?” Rafe moves closer looking over my face. I nod slowly before shaking the uneasiness away and smiling up at him again.

“Yeah. We need to hurry if we want to catch the other stores before they close.” Rafe groans, throwing his head back.

“Oh, we wouldn’t want that now, would we?” I raised my hand to playfully shove him but then I remembered he was holding our daughter. “Did you see that?” he exaggerated as he turned to look down. “Mommy was trying to hurt daddy.” I roll my eyes and turn around to continue walking. My heart was melting when I heard our baby giggling at his fake studded words. “See, she agrees with me.”

“She does because she is such a daddy’s girl.” I turn my head to see Rafe smiling proudly as our baby looks up to him in admiration. “Just wait until she starts dating,” I bite my lips holding back a laugh to how fast his smile fell. “She will put you second,” I teasingly whispers.

“No, she would not! I will make sure of it because she won’t date until I am dead” I come to a halt and turn around to face him.

“I am %110 percent sure she would choose him and fight against you to keep the boy around.”

“Nothing backs up your statement.” He keeps his head high.

“She is a girl.” I simply state. “She will be smart but at the end of the day she is a girl. And as a girl myself I know it will happen because I happened to me,” He looks down with confusion on his face.

“What?” He questioned.

“I argued with my father because of a boy, till this day he still doesn’t like him. but I would do it again.” I don’t regret getting into an argument because of him. I choose the right choice to protect the boy's name, because he keeps on defying everything my father said he was going to do and be. “But don’t worry too much, you two will be okay.”

“Are you and your dad, okay?” I shake my head. I haven’t even told them I had a child. I know my father loved me but until I had Rafe, and I figured out, he would never accept it. I also am not in a hurry because it's my life and I am very happy.

“We will be.” I let out a sigh seeing how even our daughter was keeping quiet. “Let go because I am already hungry.” I smile, turning around to focus back on the shelves. I picked up a small book that read Collection Shakespeare: Hamlet. Before I opened it the book was taken from my hand. Rafe’s face comes to sit right beside my ear. His hot breath fanned down my neck and I could feel his smile radiate against my skin.

“Well until that happens, I can be your daddy,” He slowly whispers. His warm breath moves closer, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes when he places a kiss on the crook of my neck. It had been so long since I felt his lips on such a little intimate spot. When I regained my conscious back, he had already parted. I turned around to him, opening the small yellow book. “I will start by reading my two girls a book” I opened my mouth to speak but he held up his fingers to shush me. I watch our daughter enticed by his voice as he reads Hamlet. His eyes following along the words and looking over to me, when he sees a smile placed on my lips he continues his interpretation of the book. I lean against the cart and watch as he continues to be and grow into the father I prayed for my children.

[9thpage]

I fully forgot to share this here when I finished it oups.

Happy 10 year anniversary of being made Sulker (a month or so late), which means a much needed updated reference.

Not much has changed, I feel I just polished some details and made it clearer to read, plus half the images are more of a drawing guide to myself so I can stop jumping between past drawings whenever I draw him and have some sort of consistency.

Biggest changes must be his clothes being a more blue gray color instead of brown, the black goo having a teal/green shine instead of white, the multiple pupils when mad/hungry, and glowing teeth of the same color as pupils.

I am currently writing a big document with everything explained, hoping the Slenderverse and Creepypasta fandoms still love reading long, detailed explanations. Meanwhile have a summarized version with the most important parts.

Sulker is a very old slender creature, it is unknown how he came to be and when, only that he has been around the earth for a very long time but not as long as the better known Slenderman. 

A monster that prays on humans mental vulnerability, exploiting their weaknesses in his favor, lures them into surrendering themselves to him. 

An insatiable hunger, enjoyment for others suffering, a voice you will only realize it’s not your own too late. 

This is The Sulker.

Name: Sulker

Also known as: The Sulker, The Sulkerman.

Age: Unknown. First known written documents that mention his existence date back to 1346 during the beginning of the Black Plague.

Personality: Short tempered, volatile, irritable, sarcastic, smug, witty, cynical, has a dark sense of humor and enjoys the failures of others. A sadist, aggressive, with a short patience unless it involves “playing with his food”. 

Easily frustrated and has an almost nonexistent fuse, but he can still tell when someone is just trying to get a reaction out of him.

He is in an almost constant state of hunger that drives him to be often looking to feed himself. Strong hunger puts him on edge, making it harder to deal with him. 

Slender species related abilities: Sulker shares most of Slender's basic abilities, assuming these are common to the “species” with personal variations between individuals.

Slender walking

A form of teletransportation, he can move long distances in the blink of an eye.

Space distortion

Much like Slenderman, he can modify the space around a limited number of humans for a limited amount of time.

Video and picture distortion

Electronic devices can’t capture him correctly, his image will come out blurry, smudged, or similar to burnt film. This occurs with digital cameras and video, however, for unknown reasons film photos and film videos seem to capture his image better.  

Change height and body shape

He can modify his height a couple of feet to make himself taller or shorter (while still out of the ordinary tall for human standards). 

Proxys:

Like many other slenders, he can bestow supernatural traits to normal humans, which in return, ties them to him and his command. This can be voluntarily or against the person's will. 

Abilities specific to Sulker:

Intrusive thoughts:

Sulker has the power to tune into a person's negative thoughts and emotions, and amplify these to unbearable levels. He however can not create negative thoughts, he can only get into their frequency, like a radio signal. 

Just as Slenderman has his dreaded static, upon approaching Sulkerman, voices or whispers can be heard, the intensity fluctuating with Sulker's mood. 

The Black Poison (Black goo):

He produces a thick, black substance that resembles a mix of oil and tar, with teal reflections. It is extremely sticky and frigid to the touch, and when it makes contact with the skin it will leave black stains that take days to remove fully, while it is almost impossible to successfully remove from clothes. 

Sulker is immune to the stickiness, allowing him to manipulate the substance with no issues, and his clothes, although stained, seemed to not stick as one would expect.

The main source of the black poison is Sulker’s tentacles, but it can also be produced from his mouth and eye cavities. 

Stickiness / Sticky webs

Directly tied to the Black Poison, Sulker can manipulate the substance to make traps and occasionally, resting points for himself. 

The black goo is extremely sticky, able to hold an adult human stuck to a wall for an extended period of time. 

Relationships: Sulker is not sociable at all, his meetings with other slenders are purely for “professional” and territory reasons, other than that, he is not one to seek the company of others. 

Despite his temper, he has managed to keep a “polite” relationship with Slenderman, not because he likes him, but because he acknowledges his power and influence, plus the absurd amount of proxies and allies he has. 

However, if the opportunity to overthrow the slender ever presents itself, he won’t hesitate to get rid of him. 

It’s very easy to get on his bad side however, it’s possible, extremely hard but possible, to get on his good side.

Sulker sees humans as cattle and at best, pets, inferior creatures that now and then can be useful or at the very least, amusing. 

Radio: 

Sulker’s proxy and in charge of keeping other proxies updated on tasks and the slenderbeing whereabouts when instructed by Sulker. You can say he is Sulker's spokesperson since the slender being has no interest in communicating with his proxies unless really necessary.