#How to be a serial killer Bart

[tjwritesfanfics]

Universe Ten *How to be a serial killer*

Pairing: Bart/Reader

Summary: Bart is happy to find out the cute girl, who always rents 13 going on 30 every Friday, is into the same things he is.

Rating: Mature. Descriptions of murder

Words: 923

AN the gif isn't mine, but I couldn't find one and I can't see who it belongs to. So, credit to them whomever they are!

Every Universe Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Killing has always been your outlet. There is just something about it that is so therapeutic. Really if you weren’t so sure you would be arrested, you would encourage everyone you met to just do a little killing. Dip your toes in the water and just see how freeing it can be.

Honestly it was like a drug you couldn’t get enough of. Kind of like rom-com movies. And your favorite movie store just down the road from your apartment.

You know and the cutie working behind the counter.

You wish you knew his name, but always too shy to even ask and it didn’t look like he wore a name tag either. To your friends he was just ‘long hair movie cutie.’ He was also the reason you went in every Friday to rent 13 Going on 30, that movie with Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo. It had you believing that love would always find a way and got you pumped to learn the dance to Thriller.

You never talked to him, just kind of always smiled at each other, but he always did slip some Twizzlers into your bag before handing it to you. You bet he was as sweet as the candy.

He was also very timid and you could tell. Always letting others push him around and call him names. You didn’t let them though. After smiling at your little sweetie you would follow the asswhole out to their car, pulling your pocket knife and slicing the guy's throats.

You smile as you wipe the blade on their shirt, guys never see it coming from behind.

This used to happen a lot, but over the next few months you saw movie guy get bolder, he even told you his name! It’s Bart! The two of you talked a bit more, you learned that he was taking really fun lessons from his friend Mike and he learned why you always rented the same movie every week.

“I believe in love.” You told him, a shy smile on your face. “I hope to find my one.”

Bart let out a breathy chuckle, “Yeah. Me too.”

One last goodbye to Bart and you were out the door. You wanted to stay longer, but some guy behind you in line was making crude comments at you. You just knew he was going to regret that.

You waited outside for him to finally come out, but then you waited for an hour and still nothing. Honestly it was so rude! Why would this jerk make you wait to kill him?

Another 10 minutes went by when you heard a loud thud of a car trunk closing. Curious, and a little blood thirsty, you crept around the corner to see Bart with blood splattered on his face and shirt, dusting his hands together like he had done something to be proud of.

“Bart?” He jumped at the sound of your voice. “Whatcha doing?”

“N nothing!’ He squeaked, hand snaking down to his waist where you saw the glint of a gun in the moonlight.

“Is that blood on your face?”

Oh no you caught him! How was he supposed to explain that he just murdered the guy he saw ogling you and saying all these rude things to you? He couldn’t just let that guy get away with mistreating you so he locked the store after you left, making sure he was alone with him, and bashed his head in before dragging him out back to his car.

“Oh my god did you just kill someone?!” The demented smile on your face threw him for a loop. It was as though you were happy for him. “Oh lucky! I was waiting for that guy out here, but he had the nerve to stand up his own killer. It was rude.”

You were happy for him, but also jealous at the same time. You really needed that kind of outlet tonight.

“Y you… kill?” He started timid though his body relaxed at the revelation.

“Oh yeah! Have been for a few months now. They never look for women serial killers.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a female serial killer.”

You smile and wander over to him, your hand coming up to wipe some of the blood off his cheek. Bart froze at the close contact. Over the smell of iron he could smell your perfume. The heavenly scent made him feel a little weak in the knees and the blood in his body rushed to his cheeks and ears.

“Well now you have! Who did you kill?”

“I’m actually the reason your kill is so late.”

You gasp, eyes going to the trunk. “YOU took my kill?! Aw man.” You sigh and go to the passenger side of his car, opening the door as you look at him with a pout on your lips. “I’ll forgive you this time because you’re cute, but next time I won’t be so nice.”

Bart scrambled to the driver's seat to follow you. When he finally got inside, he looked at you with wide eyes.

“W what are you doing?”

“Well we are going to go on our first time! No better time than disposing of a body!”

At your joyous voice Bart started the car, backing up and driving away.

“I don’t want this to be our first date,” he said with a shy smile on his lips, “I want to take you somewhere romantic.”

You laugh at his sincerity. “Then I will hold you to that, Bart.”

(Banners by cafekitsune)

[patchs-curiosity-corner]

God you’re so right. I love Spencer, and not a day goes by I don’t think about Chip Taylor’s dumb potato brain, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen an edit for Raymond or Kyle.

Shoot, I doubt any for Bart even exist-

every time I see a tiktok edit of an mgg character that isn’t spencer reid, I cheer and dance with joy

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love spencer, but I feel like his other characters don’t get enough recognition, yk?

[deadsetobsessions]

Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt. 7

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.3] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6] [Pt.8] [Pt.9] [Pt.10]

“I’m having a child.”

Danny stared at Batman.

“…Uh, congrats?”

Batman whips out a stack of paper and a pen. “It’s you. Sign here and initial the highlighted spots.”

Danny instinctively, from years of dealing with Vlad, whacked the stack right out of Batman’s hands and into the bay. He doesn’t even feel bad about littering this time because, “Begone, fruitloop!”

Wait, no, that’s not what he meant.

“I mean- I have parents!”

“Not for long.” Batman muttered and then did a double take. “You have parents? How?”

Danny gasped, placing a hand on his chest to clutch his metaphorical pearls. He ignored Batman’s mutters. Everyone knows the vigilante has an adoption problem. At least, everyone who lived in Gotham did, as everyone who didn’t was somehow convinced that he “worked alone” or some bullshit like that. “Are you naturally this insensitive or were you dropped on your head as a baby? Obviously I had to come from somewhere.”

“They’re still… alive?”

“And kicking,” Danny said, inching away from yet another rich weird guy trying to adopt him. “Mostly the kicking part, though.” He said, remembering the sparring sessions. His mom could kick his as six ways to Sunday with nothing but jiu-jitsu and still have time to work in the lab.

“I see.”

“I’m charging you extra for the emotional upheaval. I have trauma regarding rich people trying to adopt me.”

Batman sullenly handed over a thousand.

“Sweet. There’s a group of shades down here asking if you could find their murderer. Apparently the serial killer is still at large.” Danny pointed.

“Of course. Tell me everything.”

The adoption papers disappeared as Batman went into detective mode.

Danny shoved the cash into his glowing chest and breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to make rent this month so it was a windfall running into Batman.

——

“Hey, Tim?”

Tim woke up from his Power Nap. “Huh?”

“Phantom’s complaining that Batman kept trying to adopt him.”

Tim blinked. “Uh.. what does that have to do with me?”

Danny stared at him, a patiently amused smile on his face. “Just in case the rumor about the Wayne’s sugar-daddy-into the Bats was a thing. Other than that, we might have to confront Batman to get him off of Phantom’s back. ”

“You… want to confront Batman.”

“Hey, man, Phantom’s a friend and it’s ride or die.” Danny snickered. It was literally die, with his Phantom side of things. He held two fists up, and wound them, like Popeye right after eating spinach or something. “And if Batman bothers Phantom, we ride at dawn.”

“Batman doesn’t come out unless it’s dark, though? Or for the Justice League.” Tim grinned. He mentally classified Danny under his “to go to” list. That’s where Bart, Bernard, Cassie, Kon, and Garfield were. If he starts shit, he could count on them to have his back and cause even more shit. Danny, wanting to fistfight Bruce over the man making Phantom uncomfortable? He absolutely is making that list.

“Then we ride at, like, dusk. Or uh, like 10PM. I gotta get my beauty sleep.”

“You’ll definitely need it,” Tim inconspicuously texted the group chat, which quickly blew up.

“Shut up,” Danny playfully shoved Tim. “Wait, can Batman even legally adopt? Isn’t being a vigilante illegal? And how can he adopt someone dead?”

Tim dramatically flailed and splayed over Danny’s carpeted living room. “Dunno about his identity,” he lied to Danny, like a liar. “But Gotham has a bunch of laws for the undead/restored to life people so there’s probably enough gray space there.”

Danny spluttered. “You guys have undead friendly laws?”

“Yeah, geht do you think Grundy just chills out? Plus, we have like a minor resurrection event every few years. It usually doesn’t stick but sometimes it does. Bruce pushed for those laws when Jason came back to life, except he doesn’t actually want people to know he’s like, alive.”

“Jason died?” Danny blinked. Well, that would explain the vibes. “Huh. So what’s up with his rank vibes then?”

“Rank vibes?” Tim pressed record on his phone.

Danny nodded. “Yeah, you know how Phantom’s got like a really chill green vibe?” Inwardly, Danny snickered at his pun. Chill. Yeah, he meant that very literally. “Jason’s got kind of a rank green vibe. He’s kind of stinky? Definitely never introduce him to Phantom.” Danny’s senses got worse in his ghost form.

“Jason regularly showers, though?!”

“Not smell! Like, a spiritual smell?”

“You can smell souls?!” Tim sat up. “Bro, you’re a meta?!”

“Uh.” Danny hesitated. “Yeah. I can smell souls. It’s a thing. Everyone from my town can do it.”

“What?!” Tim paused. “Wait, can Phantom smell souls?”

“Yeah. We’re, uh, from the same town.”

“Danny, what the fuck?”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, you’re the one with a soul-sick brother! Not to mention, you’re kinda stinky too!”

“Hey!”

“Soul-stinky nerd man!”

——

“I stink?!” Jason spluttered out, extremely offended.

“The Lazarus pits. He’s most likely smelling traces of Lazarus pit on you, you imbecile.”

“We need to speak to Phantom. This instant.”

“I dunno, B. Danny sounded like he was gonna break your face if you bothered Phantom anymore.” Dick snickered.

“Yeah,” Tim chimed in, from his seat in front of the Bat-computer. “He was pretty serious.”

“Are we just gonna glaze over the fact that they’re from the same town?!” Stephanie exclaimed, practicing her moves on a training dummy.

“How does that even work? What does that mean? I thought Phantom was an immortal?” Duke asked.

“We also can’t rule out time-travel.” Barbara slammed her baton into a training dummy, twisting her wheelchair in an agile maneuver that left the dummy on the floor.

“No bothering Phantom.” Cass proclaimed.

“That’s quite right. You all have a warm dinner sitting above your cave and should it remain uneaten, I assure you that sherbet Sunday and crêpe Tuesday shall be canceled.” Alfred stepped in. The Bats, threatened, scrambled to ditch their gear and go upstairs.

[fryingpan1234567]

“Slutty Dick Grayson” this, “Dick Grayson is a whore” that, guys.

Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne gets around.

Dated Steph for a hot minute because they were Robin at the same time and she’s cool, you know, the first hero he’s met that’s his age. Bicons go hard.

SUPERBOY?? CONNER KENT?? LEATHER JACKET?? Can you imagine his face when he realized he was having his first gay panic over a Super farmboy from Metropolis? Like he’d see Conner save a school bus full of kids and still stop to flirt with him and challenge his authority as team leader and think “oh, I hope this doesn’t awaken something in me”

Jason doesn’t like me and I’ve tried everything to get him to fuck off except flirting, let’s give it a whirl. Why did he turn red? Can I use this against him? (The answer is yes Tim has been able to short-circuit the terrifying Red Hood long enough to steal his case and get the credit)

Bernard Dowd will probably grow up to be a serial killer, but it’s funny to listen to him conspire about how Nightwing and Batman are the same guy with a split personality disorder for the time being.

At some point, Cassie and Bart and Kon and him cross over the line of besties, and then what’s he supposed to do? Not date the awesomest people he’s ever met?? No.

Tim Drake is a slut and has been the crush of 90% of everyone he’s ever known at some point in their lives. His loser swag and burnt out genius charm gets mad bitches. Nobody can resist a sleep-deprived billionaire fashion disaster like Tim!

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom. (TW: domestic violence)

Building Walls

Both had been scared as boys. John of the dark, Sherlock of the light. 

John’s vivid imagination made up monsters under the bed and kidnappers in the woods around the tent when the Watsons went camping. 

“Fear is a weakness,” John’s father growled when his son was shaking and sobbing, terrified of the horrors of the darkness around him.

The solution was to beat the fear out of John while using spite words like coward, squeamish, queer, faggot, weak.

It took some time before it worked. For every stroke from his father’s hand or belt, John’s protecting wall was reinforced with a new brick, until his father was satisfied, and John’s fear had dissipated. So it seemed anyway.

***

Sherlock was a night owl from an early age but was forced to live in the light where others could see his aberrant behaviour. His cousins, aunts and uncles all called him freak, queer, weak, abnormal.

He just wanted to be left alone with his experiments, which he preferred to conduct in the dark hours.

“Fearing the light is a sickness,” his mother told him, and caught him in an iron grip before he could abscond and ordered him to sit in the conservatory with her and his cousins for hours.

When he finally was released, his head throbbed, his eyes stung, and he felt bone tired. He cried when he woke in the morning, realising that he’d been too exhausted to escape sleep.

“You must not let them see your weakness, brother mine,” Mycroft advised him, so Sherlock built a wall around himself and called it his Mind Palace.

***

In the dark Afghan desert, John met many soldiers who were afraid of what they could not see, and with good reason. He knew he should be terrified, and deep down he was, but he had a responsibility as a captain. His wall was strong and didn’t crack until a bullet came out of the velvet night and found his shoulder.

Back in the radiant city that was London, John’s wall crumbled. His mind was a dark hole even if he was surrounded by light.

“Nothing ever happens to me,” became a mantra he lived by, until he met Mike Stamford, and later Sherlock Holmes.

The brief and totally ridiculous encounter in the lab at Barts, lifted a vail, and a glimpse of sunshine entered John’s mind.

***

For years Sherlock lived in the blissful darkness, but people still interfered and made his life miserable. His mother and brother in particular. So, he sought out company that at first was a relief, but later put him on the path towards addiction and destruction.

Stumbling over Greg Lestrade’s crime scene, high as a kite, but still capable of observing and deducing what had happened, saved Sherlock’s life. For the first time in years, someone was interested in the knowledge he possessed; signs that a victim had been poisoned, different traces of mud or ash. 

“Get clean, and I’ll call you when we’re out of our depths,” Lestrade said.

Mycroft probably ensured Lestrade’s promotion after that, when Sherlock explained, and begged Mycroft to take him to rehab.

The incongruous scale Sherlock used to categorise the crimes Lestrade called him about, wasn’t all about how interesting a case was, but had more to do with the time of day. Only a serial killer could make Sherlock attend a crime scene in broad daylight. The darkness was his friend, and his dramatic persona thrived and added mystery to it all when he whirled around in his beloved Belstaff and polished Italian shoes.

John was like the sun and should frighten Sherlock with his warmth and incandescence. Instead, Sherlock felt an instant calmness fall over him when his fingers brushed John’s as he took the phone John offered him the day they met. 

***

John’s fear of the dark night vanished when he saw Sherlock together with Jeff Hope, and his hand was steady when he shot the awful cabbie.

Sherlock’s case scale suddenly changed, and he and John turned up at crime scenes at all hours, even when the sun shone bright and clear.

The only fear they had left, was losing each other.

----------------------------------------------------------------

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[yanderefarm]

Ask for more prisoner yan and you shall receive :3

Committing a crime to get into the same prison he’s in and making him your broken guard dog. Beating him senseless as soon as you cross paths, punishing him by either ignoring him or sending others to beat him instead of you. Make him completely obedient to you and then when you both are released, just leave him. He won’t know what to do without you, begging and crying broken Emil style.

OR bouncing off the hunting him in the forest, you tie him up, making sure he can still barely walk, blindfold him, and brining him back to where he first slaughtered your friends. Removing the blindfold and arm restraints and instructing him to run, watching him stumble away as you count down the seconds till you’re hunting him. Depending on how far he gets you cut off more and more of his legs, maybe even one of his arms for extra revenge.

sjhsjsuwjsjsksjjsj I’m brain rotting so I’m sorry this doesn’t make sense and is super long 😭

-🪐 anon!

the beginning one is so fun. it gives me the same vibes as that Simpsons treehouse of horror where lisa becomes a serial killer just to avenge bart.

i love this... so fun and morally correct to torture.

cw;; violence, amputation, abuse, dead dove

you make friends with the people in prison, you make really good friends with the guards. pay the guards to leave you alone with him and a group of your new friends and your friends beat him bloody and stupid. his confidence and the pleasure he gets from you stooping to his level quickly fades into mindless obedience and fear. he cowers at your feet, he apologizes, he gives you everything he gets his hands on. and then you get out first and for some reason he's deluded himself into thinking that when he gets out you're gonna be there to marry him and take care of him. but you just... disappeared from the face of the earth.

with him running i imagine him making it surprisingly far and at some point he manages to lose you. he hides behind a tree until he thinks you're gone and then he's removing his restraints. when he's almost free you lean over from behind the tree and you smile, the same smile he gave you when he first saw you that night all those years ago. and then he's yours. pinned down against the tree as you start to make him scream. you repeat things you heard him say, you cut him in ways that he did them, you start the painful process of removing his legs. you're not a monster like him though! you make sure to cauterize the wounds. you end up taking both his legs and most of his arm off. you let him keep the other one so he can crawl around a little bit when you want some amusement.

[brucewaynehater101]

Santa AU

Gun batman Tim doesn't have the gift anymore, neither to the other young justice lords, using the gifts for serial killer or joker nonsense would cause them to lose it, the naughty and nice lists takes a lot of stuff into account, since they don't consciously know they have these abilities then it would be hard for them to consciously abuse it

the gifts work all year long, they just work faster/better in July and December, Cassie can always speak/understand whatever language but if it's not July or December it takes her about a minute to register that she knows it

Kon is always aware of the vibes of a person but in July and December he can clock someone on the naughty list without even looking at them, yj might start getting kon to vibe check their dates before they go out with someone, especially cissie and greta, they just text him a picture with a question mark and he sends back a thumbs up or down

In July/December Tim not only knows a person's deepest desires but he also can wrap a present better than Alfred, his wrapping skills go back to pre gift level when it's not July/December

In July/December, someone just has to look at Greta and they get a sense of relief that there's someone safe to talk to or who can help, outside of July/December Greta has to speak up and get a person's attention before it kicks in, if she's confronted with someone who needs help and that help is outside of her wheelhouse then she gets one of the team on the line to help her

Cissie has the tony hawk effect but when it's not july/december some people might say something like "oh, you have the same name as that one movie star" the paparazzi is always on the look out for her and they always fail, the only time she's been in paparazzi pictures is when she takes pity on tim and acts as his arm candy for some trendy social event where he's stuck being the Wayne representative

Bart really craves sweets in july/december more than he usually does and they tend to keep his appetite in check for longer periods in july/december than other times

if anita made gingerbread in july/december then it could withstand a punch from superman and still taste delicious, there's no reason for it to do so, so none of yj ever discovers this, any thoughts about the gingerbread tasting especially good in july/december is attributed to the way things can hit different at holidays because of nostalgia and memories

Thank you so much for expanding and clarifying. I love figuring out how powers work, what their constraints are, and how different aspects apply to them.

The explanations make sense, and I'm definitely vibing with them. I would definitely read a fanfic that just subtly explored these aspects (especially if YJ just never finds out). I wonder if Gun Batman thinks about how he's lost the ability to know what people. Does he trick himself into believing he still knows or does he see it as a necessary loss for his mission?

[jinxthekitty]

I'd let him kill me <3

Please he's so fine 😫

(Movie sauce- How to be a serial killer / character name- Bart)

(Ps, the movie is on tubi <3)

[h4nds0m3-j4ck]

Anyone watch How To Be A Serial Killer? It stars Dameon Clarke. Go do that.~ It doesn't get nearly as much attention as it should.

It's a must watch on my weekends off when I'm craving some recreational violence on top of my already prescribed violence regimen.

Bart is adorable, reminds me of two special someones.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

It Takes A Village

Fandom: YJ98, Flashfam, DC Comics

Summary: After witnessing Bart murder someone, his friends scramble to cover Bart's tracks and stumble upon an international scandal as a result.

(Minor background: Bart took a gap year, and Conner did two years of community college. This starts shortly after Bart's 19th birthday. So, Conner and Jenni are 20, Bart and Cissie are 19, Tim and Cassie are 18, I made Greta 17 for the sake of the fic, and Judy is 15. I decided to make Owen 22 and Thad 16 for plot reasons. Clark and Conner are brothers in this fic, and Clark is 12 years older for the sake of this fic, so he's 32.)

Chapters: 9/?

Characters: Bart Allen, Conner Kent, Judy Garrick, Jay Garrick, Joan Garrick, Cissie King-Jones, Cassie Sandsmark, Tim Drake, Greta Hayes, Jenni Ognats, Thad Thawne, Owen Mercer, Meloni Thawne, Clark Kent, Wally West, Linda Park, Courtney Whitmore, President Thawne

Relationship(s): KonBart, CissieCassie, WallyLinda

Additional Tags: Serial Killer AU, No Powers AU, Angst, Dark Comedy, Bart Allen Kills in This Fic, Minor Thad Thawne, Separated in Childhood, Some Smut in This

Chapter Nine: Rubber Band

Bart played with Conner’s hair while he slept, naked and warm in the summer heat, a leg draped over Bart’s. Conner tucked his body inward, almost in the fetal position, breathing heavy, even breaths. He rolled closer inward, throwing an arm over Bart’s lap, hugging him like a cherished childhood toy. Conner pulled him in close and when Bart couldn’t be pulled any closer, he shifted his body, slowly climbing on top of him to share his endless warmth. The fan oscillated, buzzing low and slow, keeping the room cool and comfortable while Conner clung to him. 

When he was sure Conner was fast asleep, he pulled his file from underneath the bean bag chair, and he started to read through the thick stack of pages detailing his psychological health. It all seemed foreign to him until he read a name. It shouldn’t have been familiar, but it was. Dr. Michael-Marie Pearson... And for some reason, that name reminded him of the previous summer when he came to the Kent house soaking wet. 

“Bart?” Conner mumbled, his eyes still closed. “Bart, you’re shaking.”

Bart exhaled, breathing hard as he strained for a memory that bubbled just beneath the surface. His memory was near-perfect when he wasn’t in a dissociative state but the past two summers were spent in a dulled state of consciousness even when he was aware. He didn’t hear Conner’s sleepy whispers or feel the shift in Conner’s weight. Dr. Pearson. Michael-Marie Pearson. Dr. Michael. She noted Bart’s propensity for violence, and his explosive outbursts. She called him a ‘terrorist in the making’ and a ‘potential threat to the Interlac government’. He thought he almost drowned the night he stumbled to the Kent farm, but it was clear now. 

Flashes of a struggling woman, her dress floating as he pushed her shoulders down. She coughed and gasped, struggling against him as he drowned her. She couldn’t grasp his arms to scratch his skin, and he was far too strong for her. And then, he came across a picture showing her face. He remembered her hands, holding him down, bruising his skin. Just a little boy. Helpless. He asked her how it felt to be helpless as he tried to drown her. It took so long to drown her, that he wasn’t sure she died from the drowning. Maybe it was the cold. 

“Baby,” Conner loudly whispered as he sat up in Bart’s lap, sitting face to face with him. Bart shut the file, setting it aside as he looked at Conner. “What’s that?” Conner put his glasses on and sat next to him.

“I’m going to say something, and I want to know if it sounds familiar to you,” Bart whispered. 

“Okay,” Conner whispered. 

Bart took a deep breath. “ I killed her. I need you to come with me, ” Bart replied. Conner nodded.

“What does it mean?” Conner asked. 

“It was a confession,” Bart answered before kissing Conner’s cheek. 

“What were you reading?” Conner asked. Bart shook his head. 

“My medical records,” Bart answered. Conner lay on his side, settling back into bed. Bart reopened the file and continued to read through the pages. Conner grabbed his phone and started scrolling while Bart read quietly. “Conner, I’m sorry that I woke you up.” 

“It’s alright… I don’t mind. I noticed something,” Conner whispered, “You’ve been sober all weekend. What gives?” 

Bart didn’t answer immediately. He was so preoccupied with getting answers from Jacob, that he didn’t feel the need to smoke to calm his nerves. And he already had his sights set on another person. “I wanted to spend time with you,” Bart replied. 

“Baby… It’s getting late. Let’s get some sleep,” Conner whispered as he plugged his phone up and set it aside. “Bart, can I tell you something?” 

Bart nodded as he put the file away and turned toward Conner. “You can tell me anything,” Bart answered, still looking into Conner’s eyes, still wearing his glasses. “There’s nothing you can say that would change the way I feel about you. I love you so much.” 

Conner took a deep breath. “For the longest time, I didn’t feel like a person… Like… I don’t know. I guess I’ve always just felt less important than other people. I didn’t really know who I wanted to be, so I tried to be what everyone liked. I’m—.” 

“You don’t have to be anything with me. Be yourself. We were best friends first, remember?” Bart whispered. Conner smiled. 

“That’s what I’m saying. This feels safe. This feels right,” Conner answered. Bart grinned as he pulled Conner into his arms. Conner took his glasses off and wrapped his arms and leg around Bart, holding on tight as he pressed his face into Bart’s chest. 

**

Bart tossed and turned, mumbling in his sleep. He groaned and whimpered, waking Conner out of his sleep. Conner lay there, listening. “Kill me, not them… Me… Not—.” 

“Bart,” Conner whispered. Bart opened his eyes, his body rigid as he tried to differentiate between the dream and reality. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah… My nightmares… I guess they’re different now. It almost makes me miss the old ones,” Bart replied as he sat up and took a sip of water. And the rage he thought he’d beaten came creeping back. It started in his shoulders, stiff and aching as he trembled. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Conner asked. Bart shook his head. The sun peeked through the blinds as Bart’s phone vibrated. Conner’s eyes didn’t leave Bart. 

“It’s my cousin,” Bart whispered as he answered his phone.

“ Jenni, what’s wrong? ” Bart asked in Interlac. 

“ Nothing… Bart, I—. I wanted to check in. What time is it for you? I know it’s later over there than—. ”

“ Jenni, it’s six o’clock… But, you didn’t wake me up. I’m alright. How are you? ” Bart asked. 

“ I’m good! Why are you awake so early? ” Jenni asked. 

“ Conner’s visiting, ” Bart answered. 

“ Oh! I’m sorry! Call me later and tell him I said hi, ” Jenni replied before hanging up. Bart laughed, chewing his lip as he looked at Conner. 

Conner squinted before putting his glasses on. “What’s so funny?” Conner asked. 

“Jenni thought she was interrupting ,” Bart laughed. 

Conner took his glasses off, his eyes wide as he covered his face. “Terrible,” Conner laughed, “I’m gonna get dressed and hit the gym. Wanna come with?” 

“Okay… Maybe it’s time for a shower, too,” Bart suggested as he kissed Conner’s neck. 

“Quit,” Conner laughed. 

Bart pulled away, looking into Conner’s eyes. “Too much?” Bart asked. 

“I’m not saying that… If you start here, we won’t make it to the bathroom,” Conner whispered. 

**

Bart’s doctor cleared him to run the previous year , but he couldn’t muster the emotional energy to get back out to the tracks. He’d almost forgotten how good it felt to let the wind whip his cheeks and blow through his scalp. Conner took it easy, knowing Bart wasn’t ready to run at their old pace, and they stopped at a park bench to sip their water and watch the ducks. “How’s the knee?” Conner asked. 

Bart nodded. “It’s fine. I might feel it later, but I’m good right now,” Bart answered. Conner kissed Bart’s cheek, and Bart recoiled. “No, I’m sweaty—.”

“You were sweaty in the bathroom, too—.” 

Bart laughed, but his smile quickly faded as he noticed a man on the other side of the pond, feeding the ducks frozen peas. His throat tightened as he remembered the physical sensation of a needle in his lower back. He remembered a hand holding his head down, a palm pressed firmly against his ear, and a man cursing at him in Interlac. The pain was unbearable. His jaw tightened as he remembered the scream that escaped his throat. No anesthetic. A spinal tap. God! A spinal tap with no anesthetic. He didn’t know that then, but it was in the medical records. It was poorly done and resulted in an infection that nearly killed him. He was seven. The man in the park nearly lost his eye in the struggle. Bart could never forget that man’s face. The one that held his head down while the others helped restrain him. The one that ordered the procedure be done without anesthetic. 

Conner touched his arm. “Are you in there?” Conner asked. Bart blinked hard and nodded. Bart leaned forward with his head between his knees as he tried to pull himself together. “Do you feel like you’re gonna pass out?” 

Bart nodded. His blood ran so hot, he thought he’d explode if he moved, so he let Conner believe it was something else. He couldn’t bury his rage, so he masked it as illness. Conner rubbed his back. “Stay here, I’m gonna go across the street and get you something to eat,” Conner whispered. Bart nodded. 

**

Bart scarfed down half a pizza when they got home while Conner explained everything to Cassie and Cissie. “He okay?” Cissie asked. Conner glanced at Bart, watching as he devoured slice after slice. 

“I don’t know… I can’t tell if he’s out of it or if he’s just worn out,” Conner whispered, “Will you look out for him when I leave? I’m worried… He seemed like he was doing so well.” 

“What do you mean? Did something happen this summer?” Cassie asked. 

Conner chewed his lip. Bart took a sip of water and dove back in. “Baby?” Conner asked in a slightly raised voice. Bart didn’t budge. “Like that.” Conner lifted a hand, gesturing in Bart’s direction. 

“How long has that been going on?” Cassie asked. 

“A long time… He just told me before the end of the summer, but it’s been going on for longer than that. Please don’t tell him I told you. He’d hate that,” Conner pleaded, “I only told you for his safety. I don’t want anything to happen to him because I stayed silent.” 

“Should we slow him down?” Cissie questioned as she watched Bart eat. 

Conner stood up and walked over to Bart, rubbing circles on his back. “Bart? Can you look at me for a minute?” Conner asked as he reached for the pizza box. “Stop… Okay?” 

Bart blinked hard. “Conner?” Bart whispered. “Do you have a soda?”

“Yes, baby. I’ll get you a soda. Do you feel a little better?” Conner asked. 

Bart nodded. “Mhm… Can I have my box back now?” Bart replied. Conner nodded, sliding it over before grabbing a soda from the fridge. 

“Scared me for a minute there… Bart, maybe you should catch some z’s after your shower,” Conner suggested. Bart shook his head. 

“No… No, I’m good. You’re leaving soon. I’ll sleep after you’re gone,” Bart replied.

“Bart—.” 

“Please don’t baby me, Conner. I’m okay,” Bart insisted.

**

After Bart showered, he fell asleep beside Conner in bed, despite his insistence on staying awake to say goodbye. Conner waited until Bart was in a deep sleep to leave with Cassie. Cissie slipped into the room to check on Bart. He groaned and turned on his side, reaching for Conner. 

“He’s not here,” Cissie replied. 

Bart covered his face. “Do you wanna hang out for a little bit?” Bart mumbled as he patted the bed. Cissie climbed in beside him. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” Cissie asked. Bart made a soft noise. 

“Why am I so tired?” Bart mumbled as he pushed up on his forearms. He turned and grabbed Cissie’s arm. “Did Conner seem upset when he left?” Bart asked. Cissie shook her head. “You wanted to talk to me about something before Conner came—?”

“Oh no… I wanted to know if you had a crush on Conner… Are you okay, though? You’ve been so muted lately,” Cissie whispered. 

“Muted?” Bart asked. 

“Like I don’t know—. Like something in you isn’t as bright as it was when I met you,” Cissie replied. 

Bart sighed as he grabbed his laptop and picked a movie. “I don’t like change… But I’m trying to adjust to how things are now,” Bart replied. He tried to recall the events of his day, poring over useless details until he remembered the man feeding ducks. The microwave beeped, and Cissie climbed over Bart to get it. While she was gone, Bart started thinking about the man and his face. The memory of the pain he felt played in his head over and over. Without realizing it, Bart started to shake. 

Cissie returned to the bedroom, and she set the pizza box to the side. Cissie opened the box and stopped to run her cold knuckles against Bart’s cheek. “Hey? You okay?” Cissie asked. 

“Mhm… I think—. I think maybe I’m coming down with something,” Bart mumbled as he lay on his side, facing away from her. Cissie frowned, and she felt his forehead. 

“Hm… Yeah. You look like you don’t feel good. I’ll put the food away, and I can come—.” 

The memory played over and over as he stared at the cracked door. It overwhelmed his senses as he rolled out of bed. He barely made it to the bathroom to throw up, and Cissie followed him, sitting outside, politely waiting for him to calm down. “Maybe you should call in tomorrow?” Cissie whispered. 

“Nuh-uh. I’ll be alright,” Bart mumbled as he clutched his stomach with one hand. “I’m sorry… Maybe we can watch a movie another time.” 

“Okay… You want me to sleep in there with you?” Cissie asked. 

Bart flushed and stood up, checking the mirror before rinsing his mouth, and he rinsed his face. “Cissie, don’t tell anybody I’m sick. I’ll take vitamin C in the morning… I—.” Bart leaned forward and dry heaved. “God…” 

“Bart, I don’t think—.” 

“I’m alright… I think it’s just the onset of a migraine. I’ll be okay once I go to sleep,” Bart answered. He spit in the sink and released a shaky breath. 

He knew it would take time to do what needed to be done. His jaw clenched, putting pressure on his teeth until they started to feel loose, and Cissie knocked on the door, pulling him back to the current moment. “Bart? You want me to sleep in there with you tonight?” Cissie asked. 

“It’s okay… I don’t want to bother—.” 

“I’ll see you in there,” Cissie interrupted. Bart smiled, but his eyes were sad. He had amazing friends. He knew that… But it wasn’t enough. The desire to hunt and kill consumed him. He knew what he wanted wasn’t entirely realistic, but he knew it’d grab someone’s attention if he could kill a few more. Maybe six people. Maybe all the ones on the east coast. He didn’t see them as people. He saw them as nightmares. Shadows given shapes and faces. Shadows given names and voices. They had to die. 

**

Bart went to work the next morning, his head pounding as he set aside regular customers’ subscriptions in a box of files under the counter. The shop was mostly empty in the early hours, so Bart took that time to organize subscriptions and update the figures on display. His boss was laid back about how the store was set up, but she insisted on organizing the boxes in an intricately specific order. She insisted each section be organized by franchises or companies, which didn’t bother Bart. He liked the challenge, but his headache kept him from enjoying his work. 

He hadn’t eaten, so his stomach growled, adding onto the stress he already felt. It left him in a daze, keeping him from noticing everything going on around him. He almost didn’t notice the customer approaching the counter. “Good morning,” Bart answered without looking up. Holding the counter in a white knuckle grip did nothing to hold him together. Between the anger raging through his already feverish body like a forest fire and the physical pain he felt in his head and stomach, he could barely walk let alone hold a conversation. “Bart?” a familiar voice questioned. Bart looked up, wondering why the person at the counter knew his name, and he painted on a smile, trying to appear normal for a moment.

“Grant? What are you doing here?” Bart asked. Grant set a Star Trek omnibus on the counter while he dug through the pins, looking for a horror-themed one. 

“My friend’s dad has a fight here tonight. I didn’t expect to see you here. How’s it going?” Grant questioned. 

“I’m doing alright,” Bart lied, taking a breath before he continued with something true. “I’ve got a split shift here today, and I’m about to go to my foundational design and drawing classes.” 

Grant leaned forward, getting a better look at Bart. “You don’t look so good—.”

“I’m fine,” Bart interrupted to keep his mind off how he felt, “What time is the fight?” 

“Nine,” Grant replied, “I’ve got another ticket if you wanna go after you get off work.” 

“Sick. I get off at five. I’ll shoot you my address. If I’m running late my roommate, Cissie will let you in,” Bart smiled. 

“Cool,” Grant replied as he paid for his book, “I’ll text you way before then!”

“See you later,” Bart smiled and waved, slumping over the counter only after Grant was out of sight. 

Cissie stopped by a few minutes after Grant left to bring Bart a gel cap pill for his fever and aches, touching his forehead with the back of her hand. “You’re burning up… Bart, you should let me drive you home,” she whispered. 

“I’m fine… But thanks for the pill. I didn’t expect you to come here so early,” Bart replied. 

“Bart, you can’t get through a whole day like this. You should come home. I’ll explain it to your boss—.” 

“You won’t. Because I’m fine. Don’t baby me, Cissie. I know what I can and can’t handle,” Bart interrupted. He didn’t raise his voice at her. He couldn’t. Bart knew Cissie didn’t mean any harm, so he contained his anger, saving it for his task. Cissie smiled with her soft, relaxed eyes, and she kissed his forehead. 

“Okay… I work late tonight, so I might not get home until you’re asleep. The leftovers in the fridge are for you. I’ll be in the car waiting for you to clock out,” Cissie whispered. Bart smiled at her. It wasn’t her fault. He had to keep reminding himself of that, but the tension in his body felt exactly like a rubberband. He had to snap sooner or later.

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey zoomer anon]

“Why do people want the entire education system to burn?”

https://youtu.be/f0ioccbJC1I?si=xzOAl6q4vS_2xPcm

Also another thing

“Since when do calling out Misgony make me a sexist?!”

Oh since anyone who been able to use the internet and actually read the real documents and statements people like Hitler said towards certain people and realize that how feminists view boys

Also that the Nazis and modern feminists believe in conflict theory…interesting

Also what about it women? How LONG of a list we can do about female pedo teachers?

Do get me fucking started in the child on child sexual abuse that girls initiate

Being a traditional man means you contribute to sexual violence…but you guys want to use baby pictures of a prolific black male criminal serial killer because of systemic racism?

UGH they anger my autism!

“Why do people want the entire education system to burn?”

I can think of several other reasons too, but ya

Also another thing “Since when do calling out Misgony make me a sexist?!”

You're not allowed to tell women they're wrong, if you do that means you hate women.

Oh since anyone who been able to use the internet and actually read the real documents and statements people like Hitler said towards certain people and realize that how feminists view boys

Do get me fucking started in the child on child sexual abuse that girls initiate

they can't possibly do that for the same reason that you can't be racist to white people, I thought everyone knew that

Being a traditional man means you contribute to sexual violence…but you guys want to use baby pictures of a prolific black male criminal serial killer because of systemic racism?

I don't know this one, I'm reminded of BART not including skin tone in descriptions of people they're looking for in order to combat racism.

Cuz you know, that's much more important than stopping people who are cool with stabbing me for my wallet.

UGH they anger my autism!

That could actually help, just tell them they're being ablist.

[tjwritesfanfics]

Every Universe NSFW Masterlist 🌌❤️‍🔥

A collection of burbs where you fuck MGG in every universe.

Note that all of these are smut.

Will not be written in order. Written as inspiration comes.

Ones that are left blank plz feel free to suggest stuff!

Main Masterlist | Every Universe SFW Version

Universe One: Criminal Minds (Spencer Reid) 👓

Title: Texts messages

Summary: Spencer is not happy with your choice of texts while he’s away.

Universe Two: 68 Kill (Chip Taylor) 💰

Title: Mine to use

Summary: After being a toy for everyone, Chip wanted a toy of his own.

Universe Three: Trash Fire (Caleb) ⛪

Title: Oh Goddess

Summary: There was only one thing that tempted Caleb away from his faith and that was you.

Read Here

Universe Four: Zoe (Micheal) 💊

Title: For the (actual) first time

Summary: You and Micheal have sex for the first time without the effects of Benysol.

Universe Five: RV (Joe Joe) 🚙

Title: Popsicle

Summary: Joe Joe wonders just how skilled you are with your tongue.

Universe Six: Beginner's Luck (Franklin) 🎳

Title: BabyDoll

Summary: It wasn't easy to love Franklin, but you were tired of trying. He just didn't seem to be done with you.

Universe Seven: Life after Beth (Kyle Orfman) 🧟

Title: Prom Night

Summary: You couldn't stand Kyle Orfman, but for some reason you couldn't stand it when others picked on him more. You save your enemy from prom night and also make an interesting proposition.

Universe Eight: Band of Robbers (Joe) 💪🏻

Title: Suggest a title!

Summary: Suggest a concept!

Universe Nine: King Knight (Thorton Adams) ✝️

Title: Let's start a cult family

Summary: Thorn was really wanted kids. Maybe more than you realized.

Universe Ten: Excision (Mr. Claybaugh) 👨🏻‍🏫

Title: A+

Summary: You were willing to do anything to get an A in Mr. Claybaugh's class

Universe Eleven: Magic Valley (Mok) ⛓️

Title: Let me help you

Summary: When Mok was having a hard time getting off, you, his best friend, decide to help him despite his (very weak) protests.

Universe Twelve: 500 Days of Summer (Paul) ☀️

Title: 500 days of tennis

Summary: Paul thought Robin was his end game until he met the cute tennis coach.

Universe Thirteen: Babyface (Wes) 🐈‍⬛

Title: Merry Christmas to me

Summary: It's you first Christmas with your boyfriend, Wes. And his gift of a collar may be more for him than for you.

Universe Fourteen: Hot Air (Lesley) 🎈

Title: Marry me Mr. Stranger

Summary: After a wild night in Vegas, you wake up married to a very attractive, yet terrified, stranger. After getting to know him all over again, maybe you could see yourself staying with him.

Universe Fifteen: Desire (James) 🔥

Title: More than the screen

Summary: James seemed to like his costar than he let on and the sex scene seemed more real than EITHER of them let on.

Universe Sixteen: Beautiful Girl (Ziggy) 📹

Title: My girl my camera

Summary: Once Ziggy meets famed camgirl, he has to film her.

Universe Seventeen: How to be a serial killer (Bart)🔪

Title: Sweet but psycho

Summary: Bart never thought he would find anyone else that would share in his… lifestyle, but there you were, covered in blood and knife in hand.

Universe Eighteen: The life aquatic with Steve Zissou (Nico)🌊

Title: Rocking the boat

Summary: It can be lonely out at sea. Thankfully you have the new cute intern to keep your company.

Universe Nineteen: Suburban Gothic (Raymond) 👻

Title: On the way out

Summary: On your last day in town, you decide there is one last thing you want to do. Or well someone.

[booksrbetterthanpeople]

Since you did Tales of Terror, here’s a request.

Bart Simpson’s Dracula, or in this case Alix Kubdel’s Marcula.

“We come to the most terrifying painting in the Louvre,” Alix narrates. “To even gaze upon it is to go mad!” She points to a picture of the Mona Lisa. Adrien shrieks when he sees it.

“It’s horrible! What’s she smiling at?!”

Alix rolls her eyes as he runs away screaming. “We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!”

Lightning crashes as the title of the episode appears on the screen written in blood, Marcula.

While the rain pours down from the cloud-filled sky, the students of Mme. Bustier’s class are all gathered in their classroom looking down at their phones. Their brows furrowed with worry as they watch Nadja Chamack delivering some news.

“Another Parisian has been found dead,” she reports. Her skin is noticeably pale, but despite that, she keeps a calm disposition. “Drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. The only thing found at the scene was a silver studded belt chain.” An image of said chain appears on their screens. “The police are baffled, and hope their investigation can come to and end soon. For more news, I’m Nadja Chamack, thank you for watching, and stay safe.”

With that, the live feed ends, but the students are still clearly on edge.

“Who would be sadistic enough to suck out someone’s blood?” Nino can’t help but ask.

“Oh, you won’t believe the American serial killers Zoé’s told me about,” Chloé shudders. “There’s plenty of freaks out there.”

“Yeah, like vampires,” Kim remarks, getting some skeptical looks. “Come on! Two teeth marks in the guy’s neck, his blood is gone, it was a vampire!” Marinette only pats him on the shoulder and says, “Sure.”

Ignoring that, Ivan turns to the resident genius. “Max, what do you think?”

“Well, I’d have to go with Chloé’s theory,” he answers, and the blonde preens a bit while Kim’s feigns a look of betrayal. “There are some messed up people in this world. Why, as of this moment, one of them could be right in this very school-”

“Hey, guys!”

The students all jump out of their seats by the sudden voice, only to calm down when they just find Nathaniel at the door. He awkwardly smiles as he wasn’t expecting that sort of reaction. “Sorry, didn’t mean to-“

“Ah, it’s fine,” Alix assures. “So, what’s up?” The redhead looks like he can barely contain himself.

“So, remember my long distance boyfriend from Transylvania?” Right on cue with his word, thunder and lightning crash outside.

“Wicked,” Juleka whispers.

“Oh, he’s real?” Chloé smirks. “I thought that was just a ploy to make you seem less pathetic.” Interrupting her taunting laughter is Marinette throwing a crumpled piece of paper at her. “Hey!”

“Proceed,” Marinette tells him.

“Well, Marc is real, Chloé, and he’s here permanently because his mom got a job at the blood bank that recently opened, so I want you all to meet him!” Rose can help but gush at how excited he looks. Alix gets up from her seat to sling an arm around him.

“Well, as long he’s treating you right, then I’m gonna like him. So, when does he get here?”

A voice cuts through the room, “Right about now.” This startled his classmates, but Nathaniel beams and immediately goes to hug the noirette standing at the doorway. “Hi, Nath,” he greets in a distinct Transylvanian accent.

“Hi, Rainbow.” Wasting no time, he seizes the taller boy by the front of the shirt and pulls him in for a kiss. “God, I’ve been waiting to do that.” The two are so wrapped up in each other that they almost forget about Nathaniel’s classmates until Adrien clears his throat, making the two look awkward as their faces heat up. “Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Marcula Anciel.”

Kim nearly chokes. “M-Marcula?”

“It’s a family name,” the green-eyed boy explained with a kind smile. “I go by Marc for short.”

Alix steps up to him. “Well, Marc, it’s nice to finally meet you; I’m Alix, Nath’s long time best friend.”

“Yes, he’s told me so much about you,” he beams. “Oh, real quick. Would someone mind inviting me in? My family’s quite big on manners, and I-”

“Say no more; come right in.” Accepting Marinette’s offer, Marc steps into the classroom, unaware of Kim’s skeptical look. “We’ve got about ten minutes before classes start. I’d say that gives us enough time to learn a bit about each other! First, I need to hear how you two met.” Before Marc could answer, she says, “Oh, you’ve got something on the corner of your mouth.” She points to a red stain on Marc’s face so he can wipe it off with his finger.

Nathaniel takes his hand with a worried expression. “You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“Don’t worry, love, it’s just ink from my pen.”

“Marc’s a writer,” Nathaniel says in a lovesick tone and giggles, staring at Marc as if he were some sort of deity. This startles a few as they’ve never seen the redhead look so happy… Or giggle. Though, it was nice seeing him look so happy.

Marc kisses his hand, and this action has quite a few of the girls smiling. “I’ve written my sweet nightshade several poems going nonstop about his beauty, compassion, his talents in the visual arts, so so many more qualities, it would take the whole day to name them all.”

No one heard what Nathaniel had to say, as his words were muffled when he hid his face in the fabric of Marc’s hoodie.

“Aaaw,” Rose, Sabrina, and Mylène coo.

He points to Marinette. “And to answer your question, Nathaniel and I met a year ago while my family and I were visiting the city. He looked so breathtaking under the moonlight.” By now, Kim was looking around to see if anyone, anyone was hearing what he was… Or seeing, because Marc’s fingers is just all over Nathaniel’s neck right now! “We’ve kept in touch ever since, and soon began dating.”

“And I have loved every second of it.” Nathaniel captures Marc’s lips for a kiss once again, only this one doesn’t last as long when the bell rings. “Damn,” he curses. “You just got here.”

“I know, but I need to leave.” The second he kisses Nathaniel’s cheek, a peal of thunder is heard followed by the lights in the room going out. When they come back on, Marc is nowhere to be found.

This scares his classmates a bit, but Nathaniel thinks nothing of it. “Isn’t he great?” The way he heads to his desk looks as if he’s walking on air.

“A little weird,” Alya whispers. “But Nath seems happy with this guy.”

Kim nods. “Yeah, they’d be a match made in heaven, if Arc weren’t a blood sucking creature of the night.” He hisses out a curse word when Alix reaches up to slap the back of his head. “What was that for?”

“I should be asking you that.”

“Marc is clearly a vampire,” he says as if it were so obvious. “The neck touching, blood banks, needing to be invited in, and dare I point out? He had a belt chain that is an exact match for the one found at the crime scene!” Alix shushes him.

“Do you want Nath to hear you?” The students all turn to see Nathaniel smiling at something on his phone, no doubt a text from Marc. “Marc’s a nice guy, and he makes Nath happy,” Alix continues. “Hell, if he were a vampire, I’d still approve as long as Nath’s smiling.”

“But vampires don’t exist,” Adrien reminds her.

She waves him off. “Yes, Adrien, vampires don’t exist. We know.”

“If he is, I wouldn’t mind being his undead servant,” Juleka murmurs.

Later at lunch hour, Kim is still staring at the new student suspiciously. Already, he’s become well acquainted with his new classmates. They’re hanging off his every word and Nathaniel is sitting with them, clinging to Marc’s arm… Well, if that doesn’t say ‘vampire mind tricks,’ he doesn’t know what does.

“Kim, I know what you’re thinking, and cut it out,” Max drones. “What would a vampire even come to France for?”

“Fresh blood because he sucked Transylvania dry?”

Not having an argument for that, Max pulls his friend to his usual table. “I’ll admit, Marc has his quirks, but so does everyone else.”

“He is literally drinking blood out of a bag.” He gestures toward Marc, who is doing just that.

“… He probably just recycles.”

“Oh my God.” Once they’re at the class’ table, Kim slams his head down and groans. “When he sucks you all dry, don’t come crying to me.”

Ivan rolls his eyes. “Again with that? Kim, there is no such thing as vampires.”

“Hey, guys.” The students all scream in fright when Marc and Nathaniel suddenly appear by their table. “Marc and I were talking, and since you didn’t really get to know him, he’d like to invite you over to his house tonight. His classmates are coming, too.”

“Well, I don’t know-“ Kim wheezes when Alix elbows him in the gut.

“We’d love too!”

“Count me in, dude.”

“I’ll be there!”

“Same!”

“Great, it’s decided,” Marc beams. “Oh, and be sure to wash your necks.”

Nino quirks an eyebrow. “Why?”

“… Transylvanian custom.”

“… Well, who are we to disregard your customs?” Kim sputters. “My neck’s gonna be so clean, you can eat off of it!”

‘Well, don’t tempt him!’

~Later that evening~

“… When Nath said ‘house,’ I wasn’t expecting… This.” Marinette gestures to the four story manor before her and her classmates. It rivaled even the Agreste’s mansion.The only thing that stood between them were the iron gates with a golden cursive A welded in the middle. “God, he’s modest.”

Alya smirks. “And Nath’s gonna be marrying money. Up top!” She and Marinette high five before she rings the doorbell. A low voice is heard on the speaker.

“Youuuu… Raaaang?”

“Yes, we’re here to see Marc… Hello?” Before Alya could ring the doorbell again, the gates open with a loud screech that seemed to wake up a few bats and ravens nestled in the trees so they’d fly off into the night. The students all make their way toward the manor. “Shit, Chloé’s gonna regret missing out on this.”

“Aaw, there’s a little bunny in that bush.” Rose points to the backside of the animal poking out of some shrubbery. Little did she know, the front end was caught in a bear trap.

They make it to the beautifully carved double doors, but before one of them could knock, a door slightly opens and out steps a young boy with silver eyes. In his hands, he holds a doll with a missing head.

Adrien blinks, confused, but then kneels down to his level. “Hey, little guy. Are you Marc’s brother?” Rather than answering out loud, be whispers something to the blonde before going back inside, leaving Adrien pale.

“What did he say?” Ivan asks.

“… I think he just predicted my death.” Before anyone could question that, the door opened the rest of the way, and the students were all immediately drawn to the rest of the manor. The exterior was nice, but the interior was absolutely stunning. It had a bit of a vintage gothic charm to it with black picture frames, two statues on either side of the staircase, a gorgeous chandelier, and more.

Nino lets out a low whistle. “Damn, I had no idea Marc lived in the lap of luxury.”

“It’s not much.”

Once again, they all scream when Marc (And Nathaniel) seem to appear out of thin air.

“Jesus Christ, man!” Nino yells while checking to make sure his heart is still beating. “We gotta put a bell on you!”

Laughing fondly, Marc replies, “Oh, but where’s the fun in that? Let me show you to the dining room. My classmates are already waiting.” He walks off with Nathaniel on his arm, but his shadow seems to linger, making rude gestures at the guests before following Marc and Nathaniel. Kim gulps.

“Guys, do you notice anything strange?

“Yeah, his hairdo looks like a bird’s nest,” Nino whispers.

Marc hollers back, “I heard that!”

“It was Kim!”

They all arrive at the dining room, and once everyone is seated, a tall man with sort of this thousand yard stare makes his way into the room with a cart of drinks colored a bright red. Kim, thinking it’s only punch is about to take a sip…

Ismael takes a swig of his drink. “Kinda coppery.”

… Only to have second thoughts and “accidentally” spill what he knows believes to be blood. And it seems Alix had the same idea. She shoots him a look that’s says, ‘Don’t you dare,’ but Kim is most definitely going to rub it in her face later that he was right. “Whoops! Alix and I have to go wash up.”

They both leave without another word and walk down a corridor.

“Okay, so what if you are right? If Marc was a vampire, we're not gonna stumble on his secret hiding place.” Right as Alix leans against the wall, her shoulder presses against a hidden button, activating some sort of mechanism that causes the wall to move to the side and reveal a staircase. After a beat of silence, they both go down some steps into a dark dungeon-like room. There are several coffins lying about.

Kim can’t resist. “Satisfied?”

“Big deal!” Alix huffs. “It's no different from Juleka’s dollhouse when we were six.”

Groaning, Kim pokes around the room for any sort of evidence. A log book of all the people whose blood Marc drank, empty blood bags, paintings of him with historical figures, a Twilight novel being used as a dart board... All he comes across is a book titled "Yes, I Am A Vampire" by Marcula Anciel.

“If this isn’t damning evidence, I don’t know what is!” He flips through a few pages. “Whoa, this is dated back centuries ago.”

While he reads, vampires rise up from the coffins, but Alix is the only one to notice, and tries to get his attention.

“Hold on, Alix… Hey, this is dated today. ‘Finally going to make Nathaniel mine?!’ We gotta get out-” A vampire suddenly rips the page. He screams, grabs Alix’s hand, and they run up the stairs. They would’ve made it if not for one of the vampires pulling Alix by her ankle and dragging her back down.

“ALIX!”

“Kim! Go on without…” Her voice trails off when she sees him going the rest of the way. “Well, don’t make such an effort!” The vampire who grabbed Alix restrains her as a bat flies in, morphing into Marc. “Oh, shit, Kim was right.”

Marc’s fangs extend, and he dives for Alix’s neck. Meanwhile, Kim runs back to the dining room to tell everyone what happened.

“Guys! Marc is a vampire and he has Alix!”

“Well, that’s ridiculous.”

“OH MY GOD!” Kim screams and grips at his chest when Marc suddenly appears behind him. With him is Alix, looking pale and with two holes in her neck.

“Alix is right here.”

In a trance like state, she says, “Hello, everyone. I missed you during my uneventful absence.”

Kim feels his eye starting to twitch. “Nath, you notice something off about her, right?”

The redhead’s not listening. His mind’s been reduced to pretty much nothing when Marc starts kissing up and down his arm.

Later, at the stroke of midnight, Kim is tossing and turning in his bed when he hears banging on his window. Reluctantly getting out of bed, he moves to his window and opens his curtains to find Alix and the Science Kids floating outside, all of them vampires. He screams.

“Kim, you gotta join us!” Lacey squeals. “It’s so cool! I can walk on walls, not get hurt, and I get to stay up all night drinking blood!”

Ismael adds, “And if you say you're a vampire, they give you a free small soda at the movies… You know, after you hypnotize them into giving you one.”

“No!” Kim backs away and tries to reach for a weapons. “I’m not joining you guys!”

“Dude,” Alix sighs. “It’s not like you have a choice here.” With that, she crashes through the window and tackles Kim to the ground. With her fangs extended, she’s about to bite his neck when Lê Teo and Kayode Ature barge in.

“Alix!” Kayode thunders. “We have told you many times not to bite- Wait. You’re a vampire!”

Kim’s grandmother, Tracy Ature barges into his bedroom “Quickly now! We have to kill the girl!” She brandishes a wooden stake and hammer.

“How do you know she's a vampire?” Teo questions.

“She's a vampire?” Tracy drops her weapons and runs off screaming, providing Alix a distraction to turn into a bat and escape.

Kayode, we have to do something,” Teo says. “Today she's drinking people's blood, tomorrow she could be smoking! I refuse to let that girl go down the wrong path!”

Kim gets up from where Alix tackled him. “Well, usually only way to get a vampire back to normal is to kill the head vampire. Marc!”

“Kill a teenager?!” Teo exclaims, aghast. “Do I dare give into everyone’s darkest fantasy?”

The family arrive at the manor. Teo, Kayode, and Kim walk down to the basement using the secret passageway Alix found earlier, and approach Marc’s coffin. Which was easy to find because it was fancier than the others and the lid was engraved with his initials. When Kim opens it, he lets out a breath of relief when he sees that Marc is asleep.

“You gotta drive the stake through his heart,” Kim reminds Kayode when he sees him looking hesitant.

After a moment, Kayode places the stake on Marc’s chest, readies the hammer, and, “Take that, you vile fiend!” He thunders, only for Kim to clear his throat.

“Uh, dad? That’s his neck.”

“What? Shit.” He pulls out the stake and tries again. “To hell with you!” This time, the stake goes through his shoulder. “Are you kidding me?!”

“Baby, you gotta wear your glasses,” Teo gently chastises.

“No! They make me look old!” He tries again, and finally, he drives the stake right into Marc’s heart. However, this (And not the other tries) wakes him up, screaming in agony. He quickly begins to lose consciousness and falls back into his coffin.

“And that takes care of that,” Kim says proudly.

The next morning at school, Kim walks into the classroom looking much more relaxed. Though, he does wonder how he’ll break the news to Nathaniel, but that’s a problem for the future.

“Morning everyone!” As he’s about to take his seat, a bat suddenly flies into the room and transforms into Adrien. “What the fuck?! Adrien’s a vampire?!”

Mylène shoots him a fanged grin. “We're all vampires.”

Horrified by that announcement, Kim starts to back away, but his classmates advance on him. “No! My dads and I killed Marc!”

“You have to kill the head vampire!” Juleka exclaims.

Kim gasps. “You're the head vampire?! It all makes sense!”

“Oh, I wish.”

“She’s not,” Nathaniel scoffs and stands atop his desk. “I'm the head vampire!” He bares his fangs and hisses.

“Nathaniel?! How?!”

He shrugs. “Hey, I’ve got hobbies besides art, you know.” His expression turns dark. “And this is for killing my boyfriend! Get him!” The students all fly at Kim, fangs extended while he screams when the screen suddenly freezes.

[mysteryideasgroup]

MSA x WnG: A Matter of Loaf and Death AU Chapter 1: Intro/Newspaper of 12 Bakers has murdered

Night, Bakery Stores works. Two Bakers, Baker Bob and Baker Alex Parker make doughs song humming. Two shadowy figures with groved oven mitts with rolling pin and knife sneaking close to behind them and grab taken out their Baker's Chef Hats. Bob and Alex are confused, their hand pat heads without their Baker's Chef Hats. They are turns to see two shadowy figures

Baker Bob: Oh, it's you!

Alex: It's you!

Two Figures raised the pin and knife to Bakers in horror

Baker Bob: No! Nooo!

Alex: No! Noo!

They have killed by two figures. Baker Bob was Blungeoned in facedown in his dough with his glasses on his back of head. Alex was Throat Slit in fall and loss of blood.

Next morning, Sarah with her own pets Dogs/Kitsunes of Dog/Kitsune and Polter Dog/Kitsune and Laura with her own pet Polter Cat, Mystery Teams/Groups/Gangs (MS (MysterySkulls), TSM (The Sector Mystery), MI (Mystery Ideas), MH (Mystery Hunters), MS (Mystery Slayers), TGBM (The Greatest Bakers Mystery) read it and worried about what happened.

Sapphire: Poor Alex Parker.

Cera: Poor Baker Bob.

Bart: It's Two Final Bakers have been murdered with own rolling pin and knife.

Sarah: Not Good, think it's two Bakers who have the final last Bakers who have been murdered.

Laura is fearful that next to targets Bakers.

Samantha: Two Serial Killers lost and escaped last night.

Sardonyx is fearful what happened murdered Two Final Bakers and is now next to targets Bakers.

Gromit and Arturo are gulped in horrified with news reads.

They look up at the clock rings to wake up to Wallace and Lionel in sleeping with cotton covering their ears. Gromit and Arturo used buttons to noises, and Wallace and Lionel in sleeping with cotton covered their ears not heard from hearing noises. Gromit and Arturo used water balloons put the windmill in one of the windmills.

Wallace in sleep: Mmm... Cheese

Lionel in sleep: Sweet

Gromit and Arturo hit the windmill to drop water balloons for Wallace and Lionel to wake up and remove cotton from their ears. Wallace and Lionel are ready

Wallace: I'm coming, Lads.

Lionel: I'm coming, Bud.

The oven opened up and fresh bread popped out. Gromit used a forklift to take the rows of bread and he pulled down a lever.

Wallace: Pop away, Gromit.

The bed lowered and Wallace got into his trousers, although he was in a conveyor belt that was dropping off bags of flour.

Wallace: I’ll be with you in a jiffy.

He was launched off to a slide.

Wallace: Howdy ho! Oh, no.

He noticed that he was about to enter a bowl of egg and flour mix.

Vera: We got you, bro!

Luckily, the gang moved the slide away from the bowl.

Wallace: Thanks, lads.

Wallace then landed on some dough and is pushed off. Gromit and the gang loaded the loaves of bread onto the truck.

Wallace: Fill ‘er up, lads.

Gromit pours tea into Wallace’s cup and soon, the gang went off in their truck.

Wallace: (drinks his cup) Ah, lovely cup, Gromit. But slightly dieselly after-tasted perhaps. How’s that breakfast coming on?

Gromit pushed a button and burnt toast came out of the CD slot.

Wallace: Well done, lad. Very well done. (eats his toast and pats Gromit on the head) Thanks, dog.

Lionel is drinking diet coke.

Sarah: Wallace, I think you should look at this.

Valentin: Lionel, I think you look at this news.

She hands Wallace the paper and looking at it, he was quite horrified. Valentin hands Lionel the newspaper and looking at it, he was very horrified.

Wallace: Oh. Oh, dear. Another baker. Battered by his own rolling pin.

Lionel: Oh my God... 12 Baker, cuts slits throat... not Good...

Wallace: Still, looking on the bright side, I suppose it means more business for us, eh, lads?

Lionel: Please want more bakes to deliver to the Bakery Stores, right?

Gromit and Arturo are right.

Soon, they began their delivery.

Wallace: We’re on a roll, lads!

Whether it’s dropping bread near doors and throwing them into mailboxes a la Paperboy, they delivered as many as they can.

Wallace: Good day’s work, everyone. We’re bang on….

Lionel: Got it...?

Suddenly, he heard a bell ring. It came from a woman riding on a bicycle with a poodle in a basket. Another woman rode on a bicycle with her friend on other bikes.

Wallace: ...target.

Lionel: Target...

He throws the bread aside, although it hit an old lady instead of into the mailbox. Wallace noticed something familiar about the woman on the bicycle. It was the Bake-O-Lite Girl a long time ago. Lionel noticed something familiar about the woman on the bicycle.

Past Piella: (sings) I’m light as a feather. I’m a bake-o-lite girl.

Wallace snapped out of it.

Wallace: Lads, did you see who that was?

Lionel: Guys, did you see who that was with a friend?

Vicki: A lady who hasn't checked her brakes?

Soon, the women passed them up and ride downhill while screaming.

Albert: It looks like she’s in trouble.

They followed after the lady in their truck.

Wallace: Here, Landon, take the wheel.

Lionel: Got it, Arturo, take the wheel.

He literally gave Landon the wheel as he jumps off the truck and onto the bike.

Lionel jumped off the bakery van and onto the bike.

Wallace: Don’t fret, madam. (to the gang) Tea cakes, lads. The wholemeal fruit on my knees.

Lionel: Don’t worry, Madam. (to the gang) Need to slow down, Bud, wholemeal on my knees.

Teams Mystery threw tea cakes to Wallace and Lionel and they uses them to try to slow down the bike, but it wouldn’t stop.

Wallace: I should’ve tried the granary roll.

The truck drove through the zoo and was heading for the crocodile pit.

Wallace: Oh, heck!

Bart: Look out!

The bikes hit the wall and Wallace, the lady, and the poodle flew off. Wallace’s shoe held onto a ledge, giving him time to grab the lady, Lionel grab the lady while Gromit and Arturo used a croissant to hold the crocodile’s mouth open and saved the poodle and girl while using his apron as a bungee cord. They all got out of the gator pit.

----

For @laurasanchez36

Crossovers of AUs Alternate Universes belongs to me 

Mystery Teams/Groups/Gangs belongs to my msa ocs sonas Teams/Groups/Gangs and Mystery Teams/Groups/Gangs Bakers belongs to my new msa ocs sonas Teams/Groups/Gangs, The Greatest Bakers Mystery 

Mystery Teams/Groups/Gangs belongs to her msa ocs sonas

Mystery Skulls Animated belongs to Ben and MysteryBen27

Wallace and Gromit belongs to Aardman Animations 

[rustystars]

like you meet them & they're WEIRD. normal guy pulled along by the mechanisms & his pet crazy lady . & you view them like that because fundamentally that's how ken sees her!!! he doesn't have to feel like a bad person around her because Everything Works around her. he can be the Normal One despite having no real friends no real family no real job because at least he's not a serial killer . at least he's not Weird like bart is. but then they meet other people who are Weird like bart is & that means ken is the Weird one again. he's the bad one he's not normal. so he's gotta keep bart by his side at all costs & that means she's a freak. they're all freaks & they need to be controlled. & only he can do that (job security!) so now he's set for life. & of course he loves her! but even more than that he loves what she means for him. like the riggins/dirk dynamic. riggins loves dirk because dirk makes him special. ken loves bart because bart makes him normal. job security!

meanwhile. of COURSE bart loves ken. he's the first person to be kind to her. she sticks with him because the universe tells her to but she likes him. she likes that he knows songs on the radio & how showers work. & she's never had any good relationships so she doesn't know how good relationships work. & when she finds one that's ACTUALLY good (panto loves her! he wants to be her friend! he wants to hang out with her in the weird medieval fantasy land with his boyfriend & huge scissors!) she loses him almost immediately. & its not like dirk likes her. so all she has left is ken & he's not even nice anymore. he's just all she has left. the universe says she should kill him but how can she trust the universe when all it does is keep her lonely

every time i think abt bart & ken. oooooh baby

[consult-sherlockholmes]

So ... how did the transaction go? Are you home again? I hope so. Meeting strangers at ungodly hours without anyone knowing where you went isn't exactly safe.

I will just say the 'bank transaction' was successful, since a certain person noticed my other post and I can't speak freely anymore. I am avoiding my return home to 221B due to John probably being very difficult upon my return. I have been at Bart's most of the day, the laboratories are at least air-conditioned, otherwise this hellish heat outside is unbearable. I already dealt with criminal masterminds, serial killers and murderers in the past, I think I can handle a stranger pharmacist.