#How to Buy Golf Shoes

[pastryfication]

just saw his new car and this immediately came to me

“you can relax, love.” lando remarks in almost a snigger as he watches you carefully seat yourself in his new car. his new lamborghini, that probably cost more in just wheels than you make in an entire year.

“yeah, i’m totally relaxed.” your hand delicately touch the smooth leather on the seat while you position your legs as carefully as possible. “not intimidated by this at all.”

he laughs at your antics, giving you a quick kiss before moving over to check that your seatbelt is closed completely so he can start the car. it makes an impressive noice as it sparks to life, and you smile at the feeling of the rumbling car beneath you.

“you know i wouldn’t care if you accidentally left a mark on the car, right?” he watches you from the corner of his eye while also keeping focus on the nonexistent traffic. “you don’t have to sit like you’re in a royal chariot.”

“i don’t—“ you’re about to protest, but as you look down, you realise that maybe—and just maybe—you are sitting like you would in cinderella’s magic pumpkin.

a moment of silence passes between you while you make yourself a bit more comfortable on the pristine leather. “i’m sorry.” you instead opt to say.

“why?” he sounds so earnestly confused that you almost want to smile. “baby, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. why are you sorry?” his hand reaches out to grab your thigh, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“it’s just . . . i don’t know why, but i feel weird sometimes, living off your money like this. going to exotic places, eating at fancy restaurants, driving cars like this!” you lift your hand to accentuate your point. “it sounds ridiculous but i just . . . i’ve never experienced anything like this. and i don’t want you to wake up one day and realise how how unfit i am for this lifestyle.”

lando frowns deeply at your admission. “you don’t live off my money. i like bringing you places and spending money on things we can enjoy together.” his hand on your thigh gives another loving pat before he moves to find your hand, intertwining his large fingers with yours. “experiencing all this would be no fun without anyone to share it with.”

you want to argue, but he cuts you off. “no buts. i won’t accept it.” he lifts your conjoined hands to his mouth to give them a gentle kiss before a smirk takes over his face. “now will you please make my car seem used.”

you laugh at him, but he gives you a serious look that doesn’t go away til you pop off your shoes and situate yourself just as you like in the passenger seat. when he’s satisfied, he reaches out for the console in between you and presses a few buttons.

“now, please chose some music. i got an aux system installed just for you.”

you want to turn over and reprimand him, but the cute look on his face makes your heart melt in a weird puddle, and instead, you just smile as you connect your phone.

he’s absolutely crazy. buying lamborghinis, winning formula 1 races, playing an incessant amount of golf and making you fall completely in love with him.

[thedyingliiight]

𝙄𝙁 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙒𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝘿𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝘾𝙃𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙈𝘿...

slight NSFW, arguments and fluff mentions!

(@fallinforhappiness) — REQUESTS ARE OPEN

IN THE RELATIONSHIP…

- chris is a ridiculously charming boyfriend.

- this man is spitting out pick up lines when he’s drunk, just to impress you.

‘chris, my love, you’re drunk.’

‘nooooo i’m not drunk, i’m intoxicated by you.’

‘oh my goodness.’

- you spend most of your time holding his hand, in a pub golf, he is holding your hand, in the office, he is holding your hand.

- he’s very helpful, he won’t let you go anything by yourself even if it’s the simple task of folding a blanket.

- the best chef, without fail.

- he’s an acts of service boyfriend: he will always casually buy you anything, even if you just say you like it once.

‘chris? did you buy me these shoes?’

‘what shoe- oh yeah, baby, i did.’

‘oh my god. thank you!’

- you think chris is the funniest person ever, especially when you’re drunk, all you do is giggle.

‘why is she laughing, chris?’

‘i said your mum and she pissed herself.’

‘THAT’S SO FUNNYYYYY.’

- you work behind the camera on his football videos, but most of the time you end up being dragged into playing or drinking.

- his family loves you, but specifically his sister, you guys get on ridiculously well.

- he would not hesitate to grip onto you whilst at the pub if a guy is too close to you.

- speaking of his grip on you, his hands are always on your waist or below your boobs: no matter WHAT that man needs to have his hands on you.

- when he’s drunk he doesn’t shut up about you.

‘chris. no more drinks.’

‘i miss y/nnnn, she’s so amazing, i love her so much.’

- you guys have that one tv show you watch all the time, something the boys would take the piss out of him for watching but he couldn’t care less.

- as soon as you enter a room, chris will end his conversations just to be with you.

- he’s the kind of guy to unconsciously follow the sidewalk rule.

‘no babe, walk by the wall, i don’t want you in the road.’

- chris can’t leave the house without kissing your forehead before leaving, even if he is in a rush.

- he’s a (big) LITTLE SPOON. no questions.

- he’ll lay his head on your boobs whilst you play with his curly hair.

-he’s high maintenance, if you ask to pluck his eyebrows, he’ll let you, if you ask to do a face mask, he’ll do it.

‘beautiful, my eyebrows are a mess.’

‘shall i pluck them?’

‘pleaseeee.’

- eye contact is his favourite thing, he’s OBSESSED with your eyes.

IN ARGUMENTS…

- he’s usually older in relationships in my eyes, so he will use that against you.

- in arguments he definitely grows defensive, even if he doesn’t need to.

- he interrupts you a lot which drives you crazy.

‘no but you always interrupt-‘

‘no i don’t!’

‘you just fucking did.’

- you’re both short tempered, and prone to crash outs so arguments are like wars.

- you don’t argue often, just little digs at each other every now and then.

- it’s like an every two month thing you guys will argue.

- he won’t apologise until you apologise, even if he truly feels guilty.

‘chris. i’m sorry.’

‘oh my god, babe i’m so sorry, i was such a dic-’

‘baby, it’s okay, chill out.’

- even if you guys are arguing, if you are upset he will drop the argument to make sure you’re okay.

- and if anybody insults you when you are in the middle of silent treatment, he is the FIRST person to defend your case.

- he makes it up to you by cooking you breakfast in bed xoxo.

NSFW!!...

- he’s very very dominant, even when you take the lead, he still guides you.

- he’s a gentle kind of dominant.

- he’s experienced, he’s definitely a man whore so he knows what he’s doing.

- definitely knows how to unhook your bra with one hand.

‘how did you do that so quickly? i wear them daily and it takes me forever.’

‘practice, baby.’

- has a thing for you pulling his hair.

- he will leaves hickeys all over your inner thigh, even though he knows nobody but you will see it gives him a thrill knowing they’re there.

- nicknames central, he will call you all kinds.

- king of dirty talk, i just know it.

- praise!!!!!

‘you’re doing amazing, gorgeous.’

‘you can do it.’

- talks to you all through out.

- he’s a thigh guy, loves to have his head buried between them.

- your pleasure comes before his ALWAYS!!

[itneverendshere]

little miss perfect - r.c (+18) - how do i look?

pairing: siren!reader x rafe warnings: sugestive.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

He doesn't remember saying yes. 

One second, you were across the couch, legs unwelcomingly thrown over his lap, phone in hand, some vague mention of "a summer closet refresh is not optional," and the next, he was following you into a boutique that smelled like floral candles.

Technically, it wasn’t your idea—it was your dad’s. He had an important meeting and asked Rafe to take you in his place.

For some reason, to everyone else in that house, Rafe was your chauffeur and not already sick of your shit.

He's holding three dresses, two pairs of shoes, and what might be a hat or a weaponized sun visor, waiting outside the changing room while you hum some god-awful pop remix and ask if pink is “too last season.”

“The fuck should I know?”

God forbid he said no to Mother Theresa reincarnated with a credit card and a penchant for emotional warfare. Because in that house, you’re sacred while Rafe is the sacrificial lamb, which means one wrong move and Ward Cameron would cut his monthly allowance in half and make him work in landscaping in July.

In the Outer Banks.

“She likes you. Don’t ruin that, son.”

Translation: If Rafe so much as breathed wrong in your direction and you cried wolf, he’d be sent to mow lawns.

He's been here for ten minutes and already wants to die.

“This is hell,” he mutters, arms crossed as he slouches on the little velvet couch outside the dressing room. “This is actual hell.”

From behind the curtain, your voice floats out, amused.

“You snorted coke off a yacht bathroom counter last year. You can survive.”

He rolls his eyes in contempt.

“You owe me gas for this shit, by the way. Hope you know that.”

“Gas?” you repeat from the other side, stunned. “You’re charging me for gas?”

He lifts an eyebrow, vaguely homicidal. “I drove. I want my $6.38.”

“You don’t want me to pay you back another way?”

His soul leaves his body for a full two seconds. Rafe blinks, trying to reboot like a laptop in crisis.

“I want you to pay me back in Venmo, like a normal person.”

“Boo, boring.”

He recalls the summer you were fourteen, you got him grounded for a month after sweet-talking your way out of responsibility for breaking into the country club pool after hours. Your wet hair, your smug grin, your “Rafe dared me, Mr. Cameron!” while he stood there speechless, soaking wet.

Half of the crazy things you two did were your idea, like convincing him to "borrow" his father's golf cart and race it through Figure Eight at night the next summer. You crashed it into a heron-shaped garden statue. When the lights came on in every house on the block, you grabbed his hand and dashed away, giggling as if it were the funniest thing in the world.

Rafe was grounded for two weeks and had to clean up bird statue debris from someone's tulip bed. 

You always made him believe it was his idea in the first place, by "accidentally" leaving the liquor cabinet unlocked and daring him to shotgun a bottle of whiskey before calling his father when he started projectile vomiting in the driveway.

You are, by far, the most self-centered and dangerously alluring girl he has ever had the displeasure of dealing with.

He resents you dragging him here, forcing him to carry bags and try on dresses that are even sluttier than the last. 

The curtain flutters, and he looks up as you step out in a new tiny sundress, straps falling off your shoulders and hem riding up your thighs. 

"Thoughts?" you inquire, twirling.

Yeah, he has thoughts, none of which are appropriate. None of them, he should say in a store with jazz playing in the background and middle-aged moms browsing overpriced headbands five feet away.

"You are not buying that," he says, staring at your chest.

You smirk with satisfaction. “Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

You squint. “Since when do you get to choose what I wear?”

He leans back, his legs spread apart.

“Since I have to walk beside you while every other guy in here forgets their fucking name.”

He notices that wherever you go, heads turn. Guys stare like they’re hypnotized.

You reenter the dressing room. “Oh my god—are you jealous?”

“In your fucking dreams.”

Your expression is visible, all teeth and self-satisfaction.

“You totally are.”

Rafe throws his head back, irritated.

A few minutes pass.

He scrolls on his phone, ignoring the sounds of you moving around in there. Tries not to think about the way your panties look bunched around your ankles, tries to ignore the fact that you are half-naked two feet away from him.

She’s doing this on purpose, he thinks.

When you come out again, you’re wearing the shortest little skirt he’s ever seen. Tank top cropped and clinging to your chest. Your hair is messed up from all of the outfit changes, and your lip gloss is smudged.

He does remember how your lip gloss tasted from two summers ago, when you kissed him on a dare and said it “didn’t count if it was a joke.”

You walk toward him, coming to a halt directly between his legs, and bend to adjust the strap around your heel. He sees everything.

You tilt your chin to glance up, eyelashes brushing your cheeks, biting your lip. 

“Well?”

Rafe groans as he pulls your skirt down.

“You’re not buying that either.”

“It’s not like you’re gonna stop me.”

He glares, trying to concentrate on the crappy jazz playing over the store speakers, but it’s pointless. Every head in here is on you—and so is his. He hates that he’s still watching how the skirt rides up when you move.

“Your dad would kill me if he saw you in half these things.”

It goes in one ear and out the other because ten minutes later, you’re dragging him out the door as if he is a prize to be paraded throughout town.

“Victoria’s Secret?” He barely manages the words. “You’re fuckin’ kidding me.”

You give him that look, knowing you’re breaking him down piece by piece. 

Inside, the store is all pink and lace, with impossibly small underwear that he doesn’t want to think about. You eye a display, fingers grazing the satin cups, plotting something. 

“You’re gonna help me pick something out,” you announce.

"Yeah, right," he snorts, even though you are already pulling him towards the fitting rooms. “You're insane if you think I'm going into a fitting room with you.”

Your grin widens as you glance at him, sweet as sugar with a burn underneath. “Please?”

“No.”

Your eyes spark coy and knowing, already three steps ahead of whatever he thought he was doing, making his stomach drop.

"Pleaseee," you coo, your cleavage practically smacking him in the face, impossible to miss.

Your eyes become large, doe-like, making it impossible not to want to throttle you and bury himself in you at once.

Rafe clenches his teeth.

"No."

You puff out your cheeks like you have been wronged, so exaggerated it’s almost cartoonish, and it makes him want to punch a wall.

“Rafe, don’t be like that.” You drag the last syllable, your voice breathy, as if you are the nice girl next door. "I just want your opinion. That’s all.”

Your hand snakes up his arm, causing a burn that he’s always unprepared for and refuses to acknowledge. 

Rafe’s eyes are narrowed. “Yeah, I'm sure.”

You flick your hair over one shoulder and walk toward the fitting rooms, your hips swinging enough to make the entire room—and him—forget what the fuck he is doing here. He watches, torn between chasing you and telling himself to grow up.

"Get your head outta your ass," you demand over your shoulder, without looking back. “I’m here to shop.”

He grits his teeth, muscles tightening, already moving after you. He enters the cramped fitting room area, only a thin curtain separating you both from the rest of the world. You turn to face him, your eyes full of wicked delight.

Your hands flutter to the front of your shirt, pulling it down, not enough to be scandalous, but enough skin to make his pulse speed up.

“You’re such a grump,” You click your tongue, voice dripping with mock pity. “Lighten up. Always so serious.”

“I wonder why.”

You laugh— that high, clear laugh that gets under his skin like nothing else. Then you hold up a black lace bra and give him a slow drag of your gaze that feels like fingertips down his spine.

“Thoughts?”

You would look divine in this. Better than that bikini.

Rafe’s mouth is dry.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me, right?” He spits, his gaze fixed on yours, daring you to continue playing these mind games.

You've spent the entire day trying to push every button in his chest until he explodes.

“Nope,” Your fingers tracing the delicate lace. “You’re helping me pick. Deal with it.”

He turns his head, fighting the need to slam his forehead against the wall and forget about the entire day.

“Just pick the damn thing and let’s get outta here.”

You hold the bra up again, daring him to say no. He’s already imagining you in his bed with the matching panties—a little undone. Rafe clears his throat, attempting to shove the image down before it completely takes over.

He gives you an unimpressed look. “Fine.”

The goddamn thought is poison, and it’s all your fault.

“You want me to pick out your trashy little lingerie?” He spits, eyes burning holes into yours.“You’re not seriously thinking you’d look good in that, are you?”

Your smile twists, making him want to back away.

“My ex loved it.”

Rafe hardens like stone. "What, ex?"

“The guy I was with last summer.”

Rafe blinks, stunned. “You… you had a boyfriend?”

"Don’t worry," Your voice is overflowing with phony sweetness. “I never let him fuck me at Tannyhill.”

“Wait—what?”

You dated a local? Rafe is gawking at you as if you have grown two heads. Or as if he wants to strangle you. 

"I mean, he wanted to," you say, eyes dancing. “But I told him no. That place is special.”

"Special?" he repeats.

You nod, the lace still dangling between your fingers like bait. 

“Mhm. Not just anyone gets to fuck me in the Cameron estate. Gotta earn that, right?”

There’s a halo of sunlight through the boutique window; the universe dares to light you up like you’re holy when you're standing there talking about sex and sanctity like they belong in the same sentence.

His fists clench at his sides, leaving his knuckles white.

You sigh theatrically with that fake little pout that no one in their right mind should fall for.

“I just… I want my first time to be special.”

You say it with the straight face of a girl who’s been lying since birth. Voice trembling like a porcelain doll. A wolf in a halo.

“First time?” he echoes. Then laughs, “You’re about as virginal as the bar top at The Wreck the night you climbed onto it in a miniskirt and dared a guy to lick tequila off your collarbone.”

Your mouth opens, scandalized. “That was—”

“Spring Break, yeah, I fuckin’ know. Half of Figure Eight was there.”

You put a hand to your chest like he just slapped you, 

“You’re being so rude right now.”

“You’re so full of shit,” he grumbles.

 “Am I?”

“It’s pathetic.”

“Oooh,” You echo, mock-scandalized. “So you are mad.”

“I’m not mad.” His voice is too quick and defensive.

That infuriating smirk tugs at your lip. “You’re sweating.”

“I’m not—”

“You are.”

You’re getting closer, crowding his space, and Rafe is not moving or speaking, instead staring at you with his usual restrained fury. You’re a foot away now, and all he can think about is how this stupid boutique is suddenly ten degrees hotter. 

You take the opportunity to lean in, your voice going deadly.

“I want my first time in Tannyhill to be with you.”

Rafe half-laughs, half-chokes on disbelief, throwing his head back. 

“You’re unbelievable.”

You hum, twirling the hanger between your fingers.

“Thinking about it?”

“You wish.”

You jutt out your bottom lip, giving a tiny huff .

“You don’t like that idea?”

“I’d rather die.”

Your eyes sparkle. “Dramatic.”

“No. Dying would be merciful compared to this shit.”

 “Fine, I’ll end your misery. Tell me which one to try on.”

His gaze moves from the bra in your hands to your chest, and then back to your face.

“Or should I just try them all and show you?”

“Knock��that shit off.”

Then, without giving you an answer, he storms out of the dressing room as if it were on fire, which it very well could be. He’s breathing too fast, pacing in short lines outside the fitting rooms.

He can’t believe you said that. “My ex loved it.”

Rafe hadn’t even known there was a guy. He never saw it, never fucking knew. You were with someone else while batting your lashes, tossing your hair, and saying shit just to get a rise out of him? Letting some loser touch you while you were still pushing up against Rafe every goddamn day?

He scrubs a hand down his face, furious. He had been too stupid to realize you were already being ruined by someone else while chasing him like a dog. He was your favorite little chew toy, yet a random guy had you behind closed doors.

He nearly chokes on the thought, and that pisses him off more. It shouldn’t bother him like this, crawl under his skin. You're nothing but a thorn in his side, a brat wearing too much perfume.

What the hell were you doing with some asshole when you were trying to grind up on him at that bonfire last year? He leans back against the wall, closing his eyes.

You allowed someone else to have you. You let someone else make you moan — or maybe you faked it, just like everything else you do — while still waltzing around Rafe, tossing him those little innuendos, brushing his thigh with yours in crowded rooms.

A manipulative fucking bitch.

The curtain moves, and his head rises despite himself.

You peek out, your head first, waves of hair falling over your shoulder.

“Missed me?” As if you hadn’t annihilated his patience five minutes ago.

He scoffs and avoids looking directly at you. 

“Took you long enough.”

He follows you even when his body screams to turn the other way, to get the fuck out before he does something regrettable, like drag you back into that fitting room and remind you whose name you should have screamed last summer.

You spin once, allowing the lace to flutter from your fingers to the shopping basket. 

“I think I’ll take this one.”

Rafe glares at the display in front of him.

“Bet your ex would approve.”

You blink again, pretending to be innocent and ignoring the venom in his tone. 

“Rafe, tone down the jealousy.”

“Of some loser you let finger you behind a 7-Eleven?”

You arch a perfect brow.

“Is that what you did to your ex? Fingered her behind a gas station? I never saw her around Tannyhill...”

You can get under his skin like it is your fucking hobby, digging your manicured claws into his insides. You weren’t supposed to see that part of him. 

If looks could kill, you would be dead and giggling in your coffin. The muscle in his cheek ticks as if it is counting down to something violent.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“What? Kinda weird, right? For a girlfriend to never show her face at your house?”

You take a leisurely step closer, relishing every moment of this. 

“You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”

"Mm, I believe I do. You parade around like you are better than me while shoving your hand up a girl's skirt in a parking lot?

Rafe’s trying not to strangle you.

“I never saw her in your pool. Never caught her sneaking into your room.” Your voice drops, “But I was there.”

He grabs your wrist so hard that your breath freezes, and his pupils dilate. 

“You think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you?”

You stare up at him, unfazed.

“I think you’re full of shit; you never looked at her the way you look at me.”

His pupils are blown wide.

"Say another word," he hisses, "and I swear to God—”

“You’ll what? Prove me right? Can't wait."

His eyes, crazed and furious, search your face for a single thread of remorse but come up empty. 

“I’m done playing whatever sick little game gets you off. We're going home."

You twist your wrist out of his grip like he’s nothing.

Then, in the same breathless voice you’d use to ask someone to pass the salt, you say, “Okay, whatever. Can we get ice cream first?”

Ice cream.

After all that—lingerie and low blows and jealousy wrapped around him—you want a scoop of fucking ice cream. His eye twitches visibly. He can feel it spasm. He’s going to have a stroke. A middle-aged, burnt-out, emotionally suppressed dad stroke.

You’re aging him into oblivion one comment at a time.

“Are you—” he starts, then stops. Rubs a hand over his jaw.

You look up at him, the devil in a sundress. 

“What? You look like you could use sugar. Or therapy.”

You start walking, happy as a fucking clam, humming to yourself and swinging the little pink bag with lace tucked inside.

He trails behind like a broken man.

“You’re paying.”

God help him—he does.

[reavesluv]

Austin Reaves’ gf headcanons¡

Pairing: Austin Reaves x fem!reader

notes: ma baby 🥲 i miss him so much. Anyway, mentions of sex, smut, fluff.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

➞ Austin likes to keep you away from the public eye. He doesn’t post about you, but he doesn’t mind when you do. (Actually he loves it.)

➞ You HAVE to go to his games, he can’t stand not having you there when he’s playing.

➞ Also, you can’t go to his game with other jersey that isn’t his. He gets mad if you do.

➞ He likes that you are friends with his teammates, but he’s secretly jealous about it.

➞ “Why were you talking so much to Vanderbilt? He was pretty close to you.” He said. You sighed. “I thought you didn’t mind if your teammates were my friends.” You answer. “Yeah, i don’t. But i’m a man, i notice things.”

➞ Talking to Luka drives Austin crazy. He loves him, but he he’s scared that if you get to know him, you’ll prefer him.

➞ You have a pair of your favorite AR1 & AR2 shoes.

➞ “Can you sign my AR’s?” You asked. He laughed. “You’re something else.”

➞ He was serious about you since the start. “I hope i’ll marry you someday.”

➞ You always buy him a sweet treat.

➞ He’s the type of crying in your arms after a bad game.

➞ “I don’t want people to think i’m a fraud.” He said. You sighed. “Doesn’t matter, they’ll never be you.”

➞ He’s really touchy.

➞ You could be just washing dishes, he would come, wrap an arm around your waist and the other one around your bra under your shirt.

➞ Sex is the best.

➞ He loves to grab your ass while you ride him.

➞ “You’re so tight for me.” “i’ll make you a mommy.”

➞ He loves to eat you out. He always praises your pussy.

➞ You love how he fucks you and he knows it.

➞ He’s extremely tall and extremely big compared to you.

➞ He loves children. And he wishes to have a lot with you.

➞ Golf tournaments, grocery dates and beach trips are a must for you.

➞ He always lets the world know that he’s taken. “My girlfriend said—” “Yeah i’ve been getting better, thanks to my girlfriend.”

➞ You’re best friends with Spencer’s wife. (his brother)

➞ “I want to fuck you in the yacht.” “Can i fuck you on the golf cart?”

➞ He treats you like you’re fragile. Like a princess.

➞ “NBA gf— huh?” He said. “You look so fucking hot, i want to fuck you while you wear my jersey.”

➞ “I love you.” You said. “I can’t believe you chose me.” He answered.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

[hockeyboistrash]

Day 5 - Jeremy Swayman

Jeremy decides it's time to take the next step in your relationship and asks you to marry him

Jeremy was nervous. He has pucks flying at him up to speeds of ninety miles per hour but this made him nervous. He decided he was going to make the next step in your relationship and propose to you. For weeks now he’s been keeping the black box hidden in a pair of his shoes he keeps on the top shelf with the hope of you not finding it. 

You were joining your boyfriend on the road trip to Ottawa and meeting up with Linus and his partner for dinner before the two teams play each other for the first time since the trade.

“Is everything okay?” You asked Jeremy, holding his hands which were shaking as he tried to button up his shirt. “You seem nervous.” He sighed, allowing you to continue buttoning his shirt up. He didn’t know what to tell you. How was he supposed to hide the fact he was nervous because he was planning on asking you to marry him?

“I- it’s the first game since the trade.” Jeremy said, frowning slightly. Of course he was nervous about that too. It will be the first time where he truly has to prove himself against the haters online who think he was the wrong choice. 

“It's okay to be nervous but I need you to know that they chose you for a reason.” You told him, cupping his cheeks so you could look him in the eyes. “Because you're fucking amazing at what you do, okay?” Jeremy relaxed under your touch. You always knew how to ground Him. Whether it was your presence or your voice, he always rang you before every game knowing you would help calm his nerves. 

“God I love you.” Jeremy mumbled, leaning down for a kiss. You melted into it for a moment before reluctantly stepping back, aware that if you didn't leave now you'd be late for dinner with Linus. 

“I love you too but we're going to be late if we don't go now.” You said, bringing your hands down so they were resting on his chest. He looked at your ring finger, picturing the ring he chose on it. He hoped you liked it. 

You had discussed the kind of ring you wanted before and Jeremy made a mental note, eventually scribbling them down on a scrap piece of paper, so when it was time to go ring shopping he knew it would be one you wanted. He kept that piece of paper in his wallet, adding and removing details as the years went on. 

With the ring safely at Linus’s, you and Jeremy left the hotel and made your way over to his house. They welcomed you both with open arms and you didn’t fully realise until then how much you were missing them. You were glad they had each other throughout it all and you knew, should Jeremy ever get traded, you’d be okay because you had him. 

You and Linus’s partner were sitting in the living room, catching up with each other while Linus and Jeremy were off elsewhere. You weren’t exactly sure what your boyfriend was up to with his old teammate and it didn’t concern you until it had been at least half an hour since you arrived and you haven’t once seen him since. “What are those two doing?” You wondered, about to get up to find them when a hand was placed on your arm, stopping you.

“Linus was telling me he wanted to show Jeremy his new golf clubs.” She told you, trying to glance behind you to see if there was any movement to let her know they were finished preparing for Jeremy’s surprise. 

“For half an hour?” You asked, not completely buying it. You knew your boyfriend loved to play golf off the ice but did he love it enough to ditch you? 

Luckily Linus’s partner didn’t have to come up with any more lies as their children came over, giving you a piece of paper with a drawing on. It was, what looked to you, Jeremy in his goalie gear and you next to him holding his hand. It said ‘Uncle Sway wants to show you something.’ The oldest held their hand out for you to take so they could lead you to wherever Jeremy was. You glanced at your friend who only smiled at you, giving you no clues as to what was happening.

You were led outside where Linus was standing wearing the same smile his wife was wearing. Behind him, further down the garden, stood Jeremy surrounded by fairy lights and your favourite flowers. “Hey, what’s going on?” You asked as you walked over to him, standing in front of him, his hands in yours.

“Y/N, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while but there was never the right moment. Then speaking to Linus I realised there would never be the right moment because when I’m with you every moment feels right. Ever since I met you I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Whenever I think about what my future looks like you’re always there, in every possible version of my future. I guess what I’m trying to say is, Y/N will you marry me?” 

“Yes of course I’ll marry you.” You said, tears welling up in both yours and Jeremy’s eyes. His hand was shaking as he slipped the ring on your finger and you didn’t even have a chance to admire it before his hands slipped around your waist pulling you in for a kiss.

[iwantmenicanthave]

Will you do more slasher yandere? I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!! I wanna see us graduated with a house, wedding, and 7 kids. I wanna be his lil stepford wifey!!!!!!!!!! 🙈🤰👩‍🍼👶😭

🤰-anon i was so confused for a second before i reread the fic. i was staring at my screen for a solid second questioning my life. i was like, “7 kids… tf?”

[part.1]

yan!slasher who makes feels so young around you. he can still remember your wedding just a few years ago.

yan!slasher who will always love your oldest the most, having luckily caused the shotgun wedding. oh, he'll never forget that fear in your eyes, tears threatening to spill, proclaiming you were still a virgin. it was honestly because your period was late, and it was a joke to check.

yan!slasher who felt some remorse. he promised to wait until you were married, and he thought he had the patience- just when you look like that, was it honestly his fault? he's been waiting since high school just for this very moment. you can't exactly blame him when those hormones he's been trying to keep down just come to bite him later on.

yan!slasher who decides you both and your 7 little dwarfs should move to a gated community in the midwest, each house bearing shutters on windows and white picket fences. grass that could rival the country club a few blocks away, and those beautiful flowers you loved so much so he loved them so much.

yan!slasher who was honestly being generous. i mean, the perfect town and house for the perfect nuclear family, who wouldn't want that? sure a woman like you should never be confined to a kitchen, for crying out loud you have a degree, but think about your 7 children. they needed a mother in their life. their father is a hard worker after all he can pay the bills so the children can have a mother.

yan!slasher who worried about your loneliness. you did need some friends from moving into such a beautiful community. why not invite some women over? he made sure to buy only the best house available just for your family to be the envy of the town. the wives immediately wanting to have tea once your husband and perfect children were gone.

yan!slasher who, of course, caught wind of mrs. rothschild. how could she say such horrible things? ‘her lawn needed some mowing, and did you see her shoes? ugh, I saw that wear and tear from a mile away. she’s such a- excuse my language, whore. she just married him for his money.’ who did she think she was? she was just an unfertilized old hag wishing to relive her youth! she was jealous of you and your perfect family!

yan!slasher who almost jumps on her the moment those words spill from her sagging red-painted lips. he continued driving the golf cart on the green, trying to contain himself, the past he desperately was trying not to relapse into. but at the same time, did her family even need her? he’s heard the rumors from the drunk colleagues after work in the bar, how she practically was pouncing on her children when they came home with an a- or anything below. the complete opposite of what a woman should be! she’s the complete opposite of you!

yan!slasher who came to the conclusion mrs. rothschild's family could live without her. a pathetic old woman desperately trying to relive her youth by hating on those with lives oh so much better than hers. yes, she could die; it would be for the greater good. but at the same time, he couldn't fall into his old ways. his family needed him- you needed him. he was the sole provider for your little children, and to think like tha- ‘to think that man even has a wife like her. such a pathetic man.’

yan!slasher who is grateful he kept up with working out. beneath that knitted sweater, white button-down, and expensive pants, it was plainly obvious. of course, he made sure you would remember that whenever all the kids were asleep. you did say you wanted to try for another after all.

yan!slasher who decided that the only way to get rid of mrs. rothschild was to tell you to invite her for tea one-on-one. poisoning that vegan tea she liked oh so much and some sleeping drugs in yours. you and the children wouldn't need to know this side of him, grabbing her hair through that kentucky derby hat, ripping the expensive fabric, and gripping to her hair with his strong fingers, still rough and padded from his days in high school up until now, switching to golfing with his work buddies.

yan!slasher who left a note telling you he was going to work early from some colleagues slacking off, and mrs. rothschild left when you fell asleep. that was all a cover-up for him to leave town for a day or two. he just needed to find that deserted fishing lake his college told him about. that sewage spilling would cover up her pathetic, rotting body in no time. now you could live your happy little stepford wife life with no trouble!

yan!slasher who started slipping up more and more. sure, he wouldn't have wanted this at the beginning. this was a new place, a new year. but it was all for you! why shouldn’t he protect his wife and children? he’s already the sole provider, after all.

yan!slasher who makes sure to dispose of tell the housing committee that anyone who even looked at you the wrong way mailbox was approximately two inches farther than the housing code in section 2-a of the appropriate home guide they would give you on the first day of moving in.

yan!slasher who makes sure you don't know what happened to that woman who said such horrible atrocities about you. some such as your couch wasn’t complimenting the cheese platter you had served last week! so horrible and rude of her! how low do these people get? now, do you know her truly body and soul like him? well, no- you didn't. why should you stay up to date or even notice those beneath you and your wonderful perfect magazine family?

yan!slasher who was surprised when you did ask if she was alright but made sure you don't worry your little head off, darling wife. she was cheating on her husband with the couples' therapist anyway.

yan!slasher who noticed that man who looked at your photo in his wallet a split second longer than he should. he was slacking off at his job! fine reasons for someone to be fired as soon as snatches that position he’s been working oh so hard for! aren't you just so happy for him? don't think you should reward him? have the kids go to their friends' house for a night and let him finally spend some alone time with you, the creaking of the bed frame hitting the wall the whole night, heartbeats intertwining into one?

yan!slasher who was grateful he had chosen such a safe town to live. a gated community was supposed to protect the outside not the inside after all. no one would suspect the nice and peaceful town would be harboring a murderer.

yan!slasher who wondered what the townspeople were thinking. he almost felt giddy at it. but he can't be distracted when his main priority is and always be you.

yan!slasher who is overjoyed when the town decides to host a party to try and brighten everyone's mood. this would be another perfect opportunity to show the community how perfect his pretty little wife is! yes, he wanted to look good, only for you. you were the only one he saw, why should he care about the others? you were the main attraction. he would make sure people would know that.

yan!slasher who let you put some makeup onto him to try and spruce him up a bit. who cares if it wasn’t masculine? he would be hotter than any other man there anyway. besides, he was the only one that had a wife that loved him! how pathetic was it to hate those who have more than you?

yan!slasher who ignores the looks women give him. envy. yearning. desire. if one woman even touched him or, god forbid, a man talk to you, he would just have to rip that cute little esophagus right out of their throat in front of everyone!

yan!slasher who, of course, doesn't. why would he ever subject your eyes to even the thought of blood? but he does cling to you the whole night. you want to talk to some of the wives? oh, no, i don’t think that would be for the best. after all, your husband is right here. he’s been so busy with work, why would you ever want to leave your devoured spouse to spend time with friends?

yan!slasher who, once he hears the rumors going around that he, him, your wonderful loving husband was the one killing people, was over this little town.

yan!slasher who makes sure you didn't try any of the punch or alcohol they were serving. 

yan!slasher who makes sure that you both leave early.

yan!slasher who makes sure to tell the kids to pack up.

yan!slasher who makes sure that he already had everything you needed to leave.

yan!slasher who makes sure to grab a photobook of your family and get everyone in the car. 

yan!slasher who makes sure you don’t check the news on that small town you lived in.

“leaving? no, baby. just take a nap and when you wake up you’ll have a whole new life. i’ll protect you.”

[p1zzaparty]

a very small, tiny, itty bitty detail i love to see in other peoples drawings of the Losers, especially as adults or young adults even, is what kind of fashion is given to them

like its almost a given that everyones Richie has some weird collection of shitty t-shirts with some nerd thing attached to it. Or brightly colored button ups with polka dots and stripes.

Eddie seems to stump everyone because i've seen him from everything to sweaters, to expensive formal wear, to neon rainbow tank tops. Personally i always saw that guy, with his bright pink and blue polo shirts and simple plain tees, as just a mixed bag of beans. He still dresses like mommy picked out clothes that she thinks would look super handsome on him, with his little stiff gelled combed hair to match. But he rarely, probably has anything that has actual words or icons on his shirts. Maybe a national park sweater here and there, that guy probably loooves gift shops. I think now with his big boy money he'll stray away from his usual get up, splurge a little, buy something branded, something new and expensive. Also something stupid, like shoes that are way too expensive. He's a fake sneakerhead, only really investing in brands he THINKS are cool or trendy. Not that he cares too much about being trendy and cool, like Richie probably does. Just...gets an ear worm sometimes, whispering to him about how they aren't that bad looking, and that he's buying it for himself, not because some jackass on tv wore them. Maybe a shiny new watch too, and maybe even a band shirt for pj-only purposes. Otherwise he's pretty strict on his expenses and just buys what fits and works as a shirt, pants, etc. Comfort over design, squarish in appearance, boxy and casually professional. I don't see him wearing a suit outside of work or waltzing into his nearest cheap café with a confident blazer and matching ironed pants. I doubt that guy even owns an iron, probably forgot to even buy one after mummy-kins passed. Even after she screeched and raved about it too, and he just ignored her tangents, assuming it wasn't even that important, all while his shirts became crinklier and sadder much like him. Sometimes i see people make him almost tooooo strict and formal and buttoned up, to y'know match Richies more casual and stoner-dork like style that's sometimes assigned to him. But Eddie, to me, is always a business casual kinda guy. Like, paid business trip to a golf course casual. Throwing on what's comfortable, giving a healthy amount of thought to what people might think of you. You will NOT find this man dressed to the nines at home, but he does, in fact, have a little pocket protector on his stupid shirt. With a pen or pencil thrown in just to make use of it, an old candy wrapper he forgot about and WILL get washed with it, or a few crumbs from his earlier microwaved breakfast burrito he had to scarf down before Myra had something to say about its ""toxic"" ingredients.

His clothes probably vary in size by a very small margin. Knowing a ball park guess of his pants and shirt sizes, always forgetting to add in it going through the washer, or how a size 30 is a size 31 in Canada or whatever. Probably because he was so used to mummy buying everything for him, even into his early 20s in college. Now he's free from her suffocating grasp, he still copies her sense of fashion and rarely does anything outlandish or fashionable. I think later down the line, in the cannon he survives and goes off to live a happily ever after with Richie, that he'd begin to explore a bit more. Getting that sugar baby money helps, and he'd have to try and buck up with Richie, trying to copy him slightly in terms of fashion.

He's a bland man Sarah, a BLAND man!

[munsster]

Hiiiiiiii loved your Eddie munson x wealthy!reader fix, I was wondering if you could do a billy Hargrove one? Thank you bby💗

billy with a wealthy s/o

A/N: its 100% giving reluctant allies to lovers gif cred: @selinasdalton

Warnings: partying, drinking/smoking, insults (mostly playful), pet names (sweetheart), implied sex

the FIRST thing i thought of was reader rolling with the popular crowd

ie harrington, tommy, carol etc

and seeing billy for the first time at a party

honestly, he probably offers you a drink or better yet a smoke

and you’re disgusted (horny)

and he thinks he’s totally gonna score (you accepted his drink offer)

neither of you really remember how or when it started

you can never agree on an anniversary date

but you both know he fell first

mainly because he was absolutely floored by just how many insults you had ready in your back pocket

“the ball goes in the basket, airhead” “you look like rob lowe if he was a woman and a munch” “my dog could sink more free throws than you and he’s 20 years old”

honestly, he was a little flattered by your creativity

which is why he knew he had to get in your pants somehow

and the first time you invited him over to your house, you wouldn’t hear the end of it

“hey, richie rich, where’s your robot maid?”

“oh, it’s her day off”

“…”

“i’m kidding,” you tease, “she’s not a robot”

he does not know how to handle the amount of shit you spoil him with

“billy… i really like your necklace”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“i can buy you a new—”

“i dont need a new one, sweetheart”

and you don’t know how to handle the fact that he doesn’t want to be spoiled

but you eventually figure out how to be sneaky with it

making him lunches (con caviar), ‘accidentally’ misplacing his shoes so you have to buy him new ones, taking him to fancy barbershops and paying half the cost so it still seems like he’s paying the full price

some may say it’s manipulative. you say it’s loving.

and the first time he buys you a meaningful, mildly expensive gift, you tear up a little bit

you bringing him to the golf course and finding out 1) he’s really good at golf and 2) he is excellent cougar bait

not that you want the over 60’s hitting on your man, but it’s very sweet when they send him drinks and call him a handsome young man

you definitely encourage him to play into it with some “how are you young ladies this evening?” and “don’t you have to be 21 to sit at the bar?” action

he has his fun with it, but he really only does it ‘cause it makes you smile

would never BEG for anything…. but he DOES get really sad when you don’t bring him to the mall to watch you try on shoes or sweaters or whatever.

yeah, if there’s something he’d beg for, it’s that

he lives for the moment you walk out of the dressing room, do a twirl, and ask (like clockwork) “do you like it?”

his answer is always yes, but you claim to know the differences in his tone that indicate what he actually likes

sometimes, if he’s lucky, you’ll let him sit inside the dressing room. watching you change. watching you change.

he is the reason you’re both banned from sears at starcourt

the first really expensive watch you gift him is INSANE

it has like four dials and you said something about alligator leather and 18 carat gold

he can’t decide between wearing it on special occasions to preserve its value or never taking it off because he loves you

when you do stay at his house, usually no ones home

but you have met max

and she likes to stay away from you

but you took her to get a new skateboard and you think that might’ve helped her warm up to you

just a smidge

now she lets you gossip about stupid boys and watch shitty action movies with her

she even promised she would go as croft’s robin for halloween if you swore you’d go as wilson’s batman

that was an interesting halloween for billy

your mansion house has this shiny ass gramophone in one of the downstairs offices

and you told billy that the last thing that had played on it was a glenn miller ‘best of’ album

and that was just not good enough for billy

so one night, he brought over his twisted sister vinyl and convinced you to dance with him while what you don’t know blasted through the brassy pavillon

he also may or may not have convinced you to make out with him while the rest of the record played

even though you drive a brand new, cherry red benz (convertible, he might add), you still love it when he drives the two of you in his camaro

but you also let him drive your car whenever he wants. and he wants to most of the time.

in fact, he’s pretty sure he drives your car more than you do

he also loves to let you dress him up

and do his hair (please practice that cute hairstyle you saw on him. he’ll think about your hands in his hair for hours on end)

even if youre just going on a chill diner date, you still drag him into your (now shared) walk-in closet and pick out these satin shirts and pressed slacks and the shiniest shoes he’s ever seen

but of course, most of your dates are lavish and breathtakingly creative, anyway, so he’s already dressed accordingly

his new catch phrase is something along the lines of “what happened to eating somewhere normal. like pizza hut”

sometimes, his only requirement is “as long as there’s no chandelier”

you flatter him so often, he gets grumpy on days you forget to call him handsome (or pretty boy, which has really grown on him)

typically, he wouldnt go for all the fuss and feathers, but he likes to see you happy.

and boy, does prettying him up make you happy

seriously, you get the wildest look on your face. it’s fulfilling enough that billy feels safe to say he’s content being your ken doll forever

if you’d let him

masterlist

[rafesgoldrings]

Oh girl my request rn is more poly rafe kelce and topper! Whether it be fluff or some spicy spicy smut. Like their day to day life or how they take turns taking her out on dates and then all come back and treat her good 🥵

They’re backkkk🤭 I honestly missed them sm and had so much fun writing for them. I hope you guys enjoy it🫶🏻

Warnings: not proof read, light degradation, Rafe calls reader a pretty bitch one time, reader is called a slut like twice

So your day to day life is actually fairly normal, there’s still lots of flirting and subtle touches but for the most part you guys just hang out. You’ll go shopping or go with them to the gym, go out on the boat before grabbing dinner, hang out and watch a movie or attempt to play video games with them (which always ends in a (“Oh my god Y/N just put the controller down and come sit”), nothing too crazy. But the dates? The dates are a complete different story.

They have a schedule, it was the only way to ensure that each of them were getting equal alone time with you to avoid jealousy and fights. It usually stayed pretty consistent but did change occasionally if one of your boys has a special request or something happened. Monday is Toppers day, Wednesday is Kelces, and Friday is Rafes, the ones between that were ones for you to have the day to yourself or for you all to hang out as a group.

Topper usually kept it pretty casual, sweet, but casual with something like a picnic or lunch at the country club. Beach dates were your favorite, just enjoying the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore while you rested in the others arms, the soft breeze caressing your skin. He also liked to go shopping for things, clothes, jewelry, books, art supplies, whatever you had an interest in that day, he obviously would pay for it all. Even telling you not to bring any money because ‘pretty girls don’t pay for themselves’. Boat dates are another common thing for the two of you, he’d bring your favorite blanket and sweater of his with him for when you inevitably got cold once the sun started to set. He’d of course go somewhere secluded so he could pull your bikini off and fuck you while the sun hit you, the possibility of getting caught make it so much hotter than normal.

Kelce was more of the sporty/stay in date type. He loved to take you golfing, even if all you did was look pretty and tease him by bending over in the short little skirt he bought you, and then treat you to a nice candlelit dinner. Almost always preferred it near the water too, said it was more romantic when your skin was illuminated by the soft flame and it was just the two of you and the soft waves. But on days he didn’t feel like going out, he’d set up a blanket fort in the living room stocked with ALL of your favorite snacks and drinks. He’d put the little fairy lights inside of it like the one he remembered you showing him a while ago, put an air mattress inside with tons of pillows and soft blankets, light up your favorite scented candle, make sure it was as romantic and cozy as possible. He’d put on some of your favorite movies or attempt to teach you to play the games he liked, but it almost always ended with your clothes scattered on the floor. Waking up the next morning with your limbs intertwined and bare skin sticking to each other from the small layer of sweat that formed.

Rafe, as we all expected, is the fancy one. He’s buying you dresses to match his suit, diamond earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets, shoes, just making sure you’re taken care of before the date even happens. He’d take you to the nicest restaurants, go on shopping sprees where you picked out whatever you wanted (yes that includes any lingerie shops you stumble across), go out on the yacht and stop at the local yacht club for dinner, even fly you out in the private jet somewhere for the day. He had the money and he would happily spend it all on you if it made you happy. He rarely ever stayed in on his nights unless you asked, if he did there wasn’t much going on other than him making it his goal to fuck you on every surface in the house. He was always horny around you, you were just so pretty and got his cock hard immediately. Half the time he couldn’t even wait until you were home before he was pulling his range rover to he side of the road and fucking you in the backseat, or over the hood of it, or making you ride him in the drivers sit so your tits were bouncing in his face.

They all took care of you in their own way, sexually and non sexually, but together? Together the pleasure tripled, every inch of your skin being touched, your brain completely shut off from their hands on you and their cocks burying themselves in your pretty holes. Rafe usually teasing you for it with a little degrading comment like ‘pretty bitch can’t even concentrate on anything but being a slut’. Top usually went for a mix of the two, he was usually the one teasing you while also encouraging you to keep going ‘Such a desperate slut for us huh baby? But you’re doing so good, so pretty too, just a little more pretty girl’. Kelce was almost always the one giving you praise unless he was pissed or felt like he had something to prove, ‘God princess, so pretty. This pussy is so pretty too, doing so so good. I know it hurts but you can do it, you’re made for us so I know you can baby. That’s it, good girl baby’.

The mix of praise and degradation from each one making your head spin and bringing you closer to your orgasm until you snapped, making a giant mess all over whoever was inside you at the time. Nipples being pulled and pinched and sucked, clit being spit on and rubbed until you were crying out that it was too much, each one taking a turn tasting you and trying to push their cum inside you deeper than the last. It was like their version of a group date, who could make you feel the best, who could cum the most, who made you cum the most. It was your thing and none of you would change that, you were theirs and they were yours.

Either way, you’d never go a day without being taken care of and spoiled. Even without the physical contact your phone would be blowing up with texts from each of them. Complements, pet names, voice messages, pictures, anything you could think of they were doing to ensure you were thinking about them always and knew they were thinking about you. Honestly convinced they have a separate group chat just to gush about you outside of the normal one where they try to one up each other

[fuck-customers]

This was a couple of decades ago when I worked in sales, let’s say for an electronics company or appliance company or something similar to that. We had an older gentleman come in and he wanted to buy some high end stuff and quite a bit of it, so we were more than willing to help him out. Things started getting out of hand with him pretty quickly though. He was starting to demand that during the delivery and installation we would do stuff above and beyond what we could do because what he was asking for was against corporate policy. When we started to explain some of this to him he was all “You don’t know who I am, do you?” and he started to tell us that he used to be the ceo of a global company that I’ll leave unnamed. Think something big like energy, tech, or media. A company that has products in almost every household. He was telling us how corporate policies are all about lawyers and accountants and he doesn’t give a damn about that kind of stuff. If anything went wrong he wouldn’t hold anyone accountable and we could take him for his word. He said he used to make multimillion dollar deals on the golf course or over dinner with nothing more than handshakes and promises of phone calls over the next week to further hash things out.

We all thought this man was full of shit but he was willing to spend a lot of money, so we just let him keep on talking while we figured out ways to talk him down from his unrealistic expectations. It felt like a hostage negotiation. From time to time he would go on tangents and give us his “insider knowledge” about this company or that. It was all far from insider knowledge. It was everyday stuff that could easily be learned by reading Forbes or The Wall Street Journal.

I was the main salesperson and his first point of contact so I talked to him the most. He talked foul and looked completely disheveled. Everything about him and the whole interaction was the exact opposite of the types of corporate businessmen I was used to dealing with. I was starting to think we were getting conned. After about two long and painful hours the sale was completed and payments went through, much to my surprise. While a lot of equipment needed to be delivered, I volunteered to load the stuff we had on hand into his car. When we got out to the parking lot I saw that his car was a busted up and rusted out relic from the mid ‘80s. I thought that there was no way an ex-ceo of a global company would be driving something so crappy. I was convinced that he was just taking us for a ride for God know’s what reason.

When I got home from work that night I googled his name. Lo and behold there he was with photographs and articles. Tons of them. Not only was he who he said he was, he actually downplayed his career. I printed out some of the articles to take into work the next day. My boss, my coworkers, and I went over them, just dumb struck. We just couldn’t believe it. This complete asshole was exactly who he said he was. We ended up calling the installers to give them a heads up and warn them that they were probably be going to deal with one of the most difficult customers they’d see that year.

We never saw him again. On the one hand we were happy because none of us wanted to deal with him again. On the other hand we were kind of disappointed. He spent money without even trying.

I believed he was who he said he was before you said you looked him up.

The really rich people (worth billions) will drive a thirty year old car, wear clothes decades out of date, and expect a lot of things "extra" on everything they do buy. That's how they stay rich. The CEO of our company is still using a flip phone and came to our meeting (when I was still in corporate) in jeans and a t-shirt. And that dude is worth billions.

The showoff's (flashy car, new phone/bag/shoes) either are millionaires that will not be rich their whole life. Or celebrities/influencer's that need to have that image of wealth.

At least that's my experience in retail corporate and working security for the mouse.

-Rodney

[sugurusdiscordmoderator]

Attack on Titan characters and where they would take you on a first date

MDNI 18+ not explicit but sexual encounters implied

Featuring Armin, Jean, Connie, Reiner, Eren, Levi, Erwin, Hange, and Mikasa

Armin:

Bowling! I feel like he cute and awkward and it would just be the two of you but little do you know a few lanes over are all his friends spying because he was sooo excited about getting to know you. He had an extra pair of socks in his car? in case you didn’t wear any so your pretty feet didn’t have to touch the gross shoes! Made out in his car when he dropped you off at your house then walked you to your front door blushing.

Jean:

Taking you to the movies! Total sucker for the yawn & put his arm around your shoulder move. He’s get you whatever popcorn/drink/candy whatever you want. Depending on the movie, if you got sleepy or scared and laid your head on his shoulder and he’d kinda smirk to himself and he thinks he’s got it in the bag. Would try to make out with you in the theater if nobody was there like total teenagers. If reader was willing, definitely would go home with you but would be very respectful to let you know he wants you but doesn’t want to fuck on the first date

Eren

I think maybe a nice walk in a park. On a cold morning and you both bring your dogs after you get coffee at a little cafe his girl friend recommended. He’d give you his scarf if you were cold and I feel like he’d give you the cutest forehead kiss before the most intimate sparks flying kiss on the lips that you forgot it was winter. He wouldn’t end the date until you guys decided when your next date or time he’d see you would be. Second date is dinner at his apartment :)

Levi

I think he’d take you to like top golf or some type of sporting outdoorsy thing? If not top golf maybe a soccer or baseball game? He would help you if you’ve never golfed and like line himself up behind you to show you. He’d “accidentally” brush his lips against your ear/neck to see how you react. Would ask you to grab a drink or something after and would say suggestive things the whole time to watch you blush and squeeze your thighs together! After a few drinks you go back to his nice ass apartment and fuck for hours. You’re attached at the hip after that day and there isn’t even a question about a second date.

Connie

I feel like he’d take you to a basketball game and he’d prepare and buy you a tshirt or jersey ahead of time to change into and then he’d keep telling you how good you look in it <3 he’d ask you if you want to hold his hand & he’d buy you an expensive sports arena drink. You guys end up on the kiss cam and Connie blushes so motherfucking hard you can’t help but giggle. He tells you after that he’s sorry your first kiss was in front of all these people. You have such a good time and neither of you want the date to end so you end up walking around after and back at your place you stay up late all night talking! You make out in between deep conversations and you make popcorn and watch movies. He ends up falling asleep on your couch even though you told him he could sleep in your bed. Sexy ass morning sex and takes you out to breakfast.

Reiner

Study date! Your first date is a little “lame” as other people would put it but you meet him in one of your college courses and he asked you to study biology with him at the library. Asks you for your coffee order ahead of time and brings it to you!! You flirt and giggle a lot while you go over course materials and he walks you back to your apartment after. You tell him you’re ordering takeout for dinner and asks if he wants to join and he does, super lowkey and doesn’t even kiss you. But he does ask for your second date to not be school related

Erwin

Museum or book shop date, something educational! It’s such a cozy vibe and he pushes a piece of hair behind your ear while you’re reading. He asks if you want to meet up with his friends for a happy hour afterwards and thinks it’s funny how polite you are to Hange and Levi. On the walk back to the car he notices you’re chilly and gives you his coat. You end up talking about some book you have and invite him into your apartment to find it. You end up on his lap in a steamy couch make out session but he doesn’t let it escalate even though you want it so bad. He stares so intensely in your eyes and tells you he’s borrowing the book and you will have to see him again to get it back <3

Hange

They ask you to go to a candle making class or some type of crafty workshop. They’re so silly and messy and you both can’t stop laughing. Your pottery/candle/painting whatever you made turns out pretty messed up but you both had fun. They hold your hand as you walk to grab some lunch afterwards. After lunch you go your separate ways and you get a text as soon as you got home saying “can I please see you again?” Hange wouldnt do anything on your first date I feel like but the second date they’re going to kiss you as soon as they knock on your door for the second date.

Mikasa

Asks you to a concert! Some indie artsy person you haven’t heard of at a small venue. She will stand behind you and wrap her arms around your shoulders as you guys sway to the music and she kisses you at the slow songgg. Car sex on the way home. She makes sure like 10 times that you’re okay with it though. She plays with your hair after.

A/N my app is being so stupid so I gave up trying to edit this I’m sorry if there is typos lmaoo

[mariacallous]

If there's one word on your mind this week, it's probably tariffs. Last week, President Trump announced sweeping tariffs on foreign goods imported into the US, setting the stage for a global trade war and stoking fears of a recession. A blanket 10 percent tariff on all imports kicked off on Saturday, April 5, with additional reciprocal tariffs on 60 countries to take effect by April 9.

It's a wildly dynamic situation that's changing by the day, but you might wonder how this affects you. The first thing to know is that tariffs are paid by the company importing a product into the country. In short, that fee affects their bottom line, so companies often pass those costs on to consumers by increasing the price of the goods.

Here's an example from Jason Miller, a professor of supply chain management at Michigan State University: Let’s say a laptop costs $400 at import in the US. A retailer would then add an average gross margin rate of 30 percent—how much revenue the retailer retains after deducting the cost to produce or acquire the item—and that laptop will now cost $571. That's the price you'll pay at a big box store.

China exports a lot of laptops to the US, and as of April 9, you'll have to factor in the 104 percent tariff, according to the latest figures. Based on historical data that suggests 95 percent of the tariff is absorbed by the importer, the import price jumps by $395 to $795, and if the retailer passes those costs to you, the new total you'll pay at the store is $966. That represents 69 percent inflation, and the retailer's gross margin rate is lowered to 18 percent. Basically, you pay more, and the retailer earns less.

Every country has been affected by Trump's tariff salvo. While many product categories will likely see prices rise, electronics is a big one. "There’s not any major electronics-producing nation that’s not substantially affected by tariffs," Miller says, including Vietnam, Taiwan, Japan, and India. He believes tariffs will be negotiated for many countries, but expects the tariffs on China to stay.

That will heavily impact the prices of goods like smartphones, laptops, and video game consoles. Smartphones are the largest import from China, with laptops sitting in second. Miller says it's important for consumers to understand that while there were tariffs on some goods from China before, there were zero tariffs on electronics like smartphones and laptops as of January 2025.

His advice? If you were planning on upgrading your laptop, tablet, or smartphone soon—maybe the battery is lackluster or it's just too old—do it now. “Buy it now. Do not wait, it makes no sense to do that,” he says. You likely won't see prices rise for a few months as companies have stocked up on goods ahead of the impending trade war, but if nothing changes in the coming weeks, Miller expects to see prices soar starting in June or July.

Miller rattled off various categories outside of electronics that would also be affected, specifically from China, which is the second largest source of imports to the US behind Mexico:

Furniture

Shoes and apparel

Microwave ovens

Silverware, plates

Blinds, linens, and curtains

Toys

Solar panels

Building materials, like vinyl flooring

Cashews

Candles

Fans

Air conditioner parts

Golf clubs

Exercise equipment

Keyboards

Auto parts

Christmas ornaments and Home Decor

Toilets

Food blenders

Seafood

Outside of higher prices, Miller says consumers should expect less product variety. “What importers are going to do is they're only going to import their most profitable, best-selling items for which they know they can still make a profit under these tariff regimes.” Apple will still import its iPhones, but a smaller smartphone maker that doesn't sell many units of a specific model may skip the US market entirely. It will also negatively impact any product where there's already a lot of consumer sensitivity to price increases.

How Are Companies Reacting?

A few companies have already made tariff-related announcements on their products. Nintendo canceled the original April 9 preorder date for the Switch 2 video game console and has yet to provide a new date, though its June 5 launch window hasn't changed.

Jaguar Land Rover Automotive is pausing auto shipments to the US this month. And Framework, known for making repairable laptops, is also pausing sales on a few models of its base Framework Laptop 13. Razer seems to have paused direct sales of its laptops in the US, though the company hasn't responded to our request for comment. Fujifilm announced a new Instax 41 camera today, but says it “has not yet determined the camera's pricing for the US market.”

WIRED reached out to more than 70 companies, from electronics manufacturers to coffee companies, asking if they could share any details about potential price increases on imported products. The vast majority, like Garmin, Oura, Amazon, Logitech, OnePlus, and Steelcase, declined to comment, while others said it was too early to discuss pricing. Still, some companies responded.

Photograph: Julian Chokkattu

Popular home office furniture brand, Branch, says it has been preparing for trade policy changes for some time, finding efficiencies in its supply chain to absorb the impact of tariffs with minimal increases to pricing. The company says there's a lot of uncertainty: “Candidly, we may need to adjust some prices in the coming months, particularly for products sourced from countries where tariff rates came in significantly higher than we anticipated.” Branch says if there is a price change, it will be to protect margins rather than to expand them. It's worth noting that Branch's Ergonomic Chair, long recommended in WIRED's Best Office Chairs guide, used to be $339 but is now $359, though Branch says the price was adjusted before tariffs were announced.

Drip coffee maker Moccamaster says it may absorb “some short-term pressures at the US level," though it's too early to confirm whether prices will increase. Portland-based coffee machine maker Ratio says it's holding prices steady through April, but “tariffs this high will unequivocally compel higher retail prices—potentially much higher. We are a small business that was already struggling with increasing costs.”

Moment, which makes camera bags and photo equipment, says it will increase prices on “most items” by $5 to $10 next week, though the company says some prices will stay the same and some will go down. “Unfortunately, these tariffs make it impossible for us to continue without cheapening the quality, laying off the team, or forcing our mom-and-pop suppliers out of business,” the company says in a newsletter it sent out to subscribers.

Supernote, a company that makes digital notebooks, pointed to a statement it made on Reddit. It's implementing a price increase in the US by the end of April: “We are actively adjusting our supply chain to mitigate the long-term impact of these tariffs," the company says on Reddit. ”These adjustments take time, especially with the new tariffs hitting everything from people to penguins, which makes the situation more complicated. It's going to be a tough time."

The company behind smart bird feeders from brands like Harymor and Sehmua, says it's exploring strategies to absorb costs internally, with no price adjustments—"We are facing rising expenses that directly affect our profit margins. … We recognize the competitive nature of the market and the price sensitivity of our customers."

Meanwhile, Samsung hasn't responded to our request for comment yet, but the company told Reuters the tariffs don't affect its TVs as much since most are produced in Mexico.

We'll keep adding information from brands as we receive it. While it's too early to make a definitive statement on an ever-evolving situation, we can probably expect higher prices on almost everything if the tariff situation remains unchanged. The last thing we want is for everyone to panic buy, but if you need a new phone, a mechanical keyboard, or an air purifier, you should probably start looking now.

[lesbianologist]

do you ever think about how deb gives sugar mama vibes? in s1 she let ava buy shoes (worn in the finale) , s3 ava tells her she needs to buy her golf clothes and then when she tries to cheer her up by saying she'll take her shopping and go some place she wants to go after deb lets her know she cant be head writer

all. the. fucking. time.

here's a better one for you: she insisted she pick out one dress for ava and ava wore it in 2.08, the night deborah fired her/let her go.

[fanfictilltheend]

As promised (since I'm late sorry 😭) Snippet 5 of ❤️‍🔥Violent Heart❤️‍🔥 aka stepdad!mechanic!convict!joel x afab!reader fic

I SWEAR I WROTE THIS BEFORE HE WORE THIS OUTFIT ON GOD I LITERALLY SPOKE IT INTO EXISTENCE YOU CAN THANK ME BELOW 👇

Warnings: Nothing crazy just joel admiration and dressing him up 😍

Context: Joel is Y/N's ex step-father. He just got out of prison for killing David and Y/N (age 20) takes Joel shopping for a new wardrobe.

HERE IS A LINK TO A MASTERLIST OF VIolent Heart STUFF TO TIDE YOU OVER

You take Joel shopping. At his insistence it is nothing fancy, just the local department store. That doesn’t stop you from dressing Joel up in ridiculous outfits of your choosing. You make him try on a hawaiian shirt, some golf polos like your dad liked to wear, a pinstripe suit and he lets you because saying no to you has never been in his vocabulary. He acts grumpy on the outside, but you can tell he is amused. You know in the end you’ll just end up buying every flannel shirt and jeans combo they have in the store, but it’s just fun anyway. You watch the fabric hug his torso, his tummy, the slight bulge at his waist. At one point he comes out shirtless and you try very hard not to swoon as you stare at the hair lining his chest and his adorable little tummy that you for some reason have the urge to bite. The band of his Hanes boxers sticks up past his jeans and he looks so good. He even lets out a genuine smile. The middle-aged sales attendant who is helping you even takes a good look at him which makes the butterflies inside you swarm possessively. 

Finally you make him try on a proper white-collared button-down shirt and black dress pants with matching black shoes and he looks so good you’re actually at a loss for words when he asks you what you think. They hug the curves and lines and planes of his body so nicely. All you can do is ask him to put on a black tie to match and he does at your behest following some customary griping that he would never wear such a monkey suit in the first place. The effect that a fully dressed up Joel has on you is not one to be reckoned with. He might as well be wearing the mens version of lingerie for how it makes you throb and ache between your legs. He looks like a force of nature, commanding and tall. It makes you weak. All you say is,

“Looking good, old-timer.”

He snorts.

HERE IS A LINK TO A MASTERLIST OF VIolent Heart STUFF TO TIDE YOU OVER

[absolutefilthimsosorry]

Spoilers for DnP Incohearent!!!!

I’m having so much fun trying to solve these that I made a list to keep track! Message if you can help me fill in any I’m missing or if I’ve got any wrong!!!

Also lmk if you see any I’ve missed!! I’m going to keep updating this and have it unrebloggable but you can reblog this post to have a link to it!

These are all gathered from this post and this post so check the notes on those first to try to solve them then look here if you need answers!

Sow march cheer ray = so much cherry

Wee nay urn for uke oye yer tub = we’ve never fucked on youtube?

Ta fold in fig = the golden pig

Feed hay hid eho = vday video

Tat he won ape hit morse him he = daddy want a bit more simmy

Watt ken ice hay = what can I say

North key bus teabag king = naughty busty baking

Fool tie enter nit hobo / fall tie mint her nepo moe / fault aye mint earn are ohm owe/ foul thyme inch hermit hole mold = full time internet homo

Cumin mile aid deed or = come in my ladydoor

Hum hay zinc tan = amazingdan

Elven ower fug sedge own = eleven hour fuck session

An berry moth ribeye adam stir = and every month we buy a hamster

March rest array = Manchester eye

Cyst herding yell = sister daniel

Add a ding teps = editing tips

Cop dubai khaki luna = topped by kakuna

Late eat tore = ladydoor

Half tugger etch two eggs cyst = have the courage to exist

Perish she end wink = Parisian twink

Coal ten big/ goal then pick = golden pig

Cyst ordain yell = sister daniel

Train youth inks = try new things

Gay mean moss/ gain ink mass = gamingmas

Soften need = soft and neat

A wools lied = owl slide

Topper bought them hill = top or bottom Phil

Coat fit firenze = golf with friends???

Few ours pig meow fits = viewers pick my outfits

Read less tar = red lester

Eye eight soup igloo = I ate super glue

Insight youth era too walls = inside you there are two wolves

Mine amy stan = my name is Dan

Clap hella = glabella

Hiss teeth rent = hits different

Eel eyes apron kay kiss = Eliza pancakes

See pram haze ink bra jet = super amazing project

Feels lie yawn = phils lion

Fuel ease snot dawn fair = Phil is not on fire

Jaw shush ear son = josh hutcherson

Ball bull him tour food = bauble in your foot?

Sure eck = shrek

High ate dust = hiatus

Add a dink deps = editing tips

Ga hay shoom air age = gay shoe marriage

Pope eat plate aim = poppy playtime

Eat aches stu = it takes two

Goo gal few ed = google feud

Baze ick lee eye meg ay = basically I’m gay

Ko min yout ti ew = coming out to you

Ender knit subvert grew oop = internet support group

Phylis turn yar a sheen yes = PHIL LESTER YOU’RE A GENIUS

With Audi intern yet wean ed brr wood halve mat = without the internet we never would have met

Gum ban yins drool I’ve = companions through life

Reed sons wide answer flail = reasons why dans a fail

Ewan dam ah some are reed = you and Dan are so married

Denver sis fill/ Denver cis full = Dan vs Phil

Or lawn huffing = all or nothing

Dunk rye core raft = don’t cry craft

Mortal jester roam and thick/ Morph adjust row antic = more than just romantic

So wall how debris poll light = swallow to be polite???

Oar hinge art = orange heart

Foray virgo em = forever home

Chai reel loop/ share real oob = cherry lube

Cad boyd anne = cat boy dan

Far turf ill lip = father philip

Tess lit hen ink = the slittening

Forth house indie rolled or touches = four thousand year old tortoises

Hey moth swish roundup floating = a month without uploading

Jam march let pet tea an farms = Je mange les petit enfants

Day lion howl tour = Dalien Howlter

Ima let all kit = I’m a little kit

Feel pearl lays shell ter = Phil plays shelter

Fewer blue key app ending = viewer spooky happenings

Hell low iam tour reel = hello I am Toriel

Laugh tuh gey mile kuh = left to get milk

Villas eek wreck why vuh = Phil’s secret wife

Footy strain gin said dent = ___ strange incident????

Snow core play sum = snokoplasm

Nope puts cereal sleeping mage innit = no but seriously imagine it

Tear rip pulling flu hence = terrible influence

Jeff why eye aisle hike vague liner = fyi I like vagina

Eggs intense all cry cis = existential crisis

List of contributors

@fletthewreck @dandp @deadandphilgames @manchesterau @thephouseplants @awrfhi @jonsaremembers @rachosaurusrex @dapgolf @dan-whoell @dnphobe @dreamingalto @steveandscraggy @phanbeats @danandfuckingjonlmao @pepper-pastry @yonpote @un-interactive-introvert @spaniel-trowel @sisterdanieldyke @queerdnp @morganadelacour @amid-fandoms @spectral-kitkat @goingpheral @angelzonearth @wdapteo @2009phan @dansevilpianotea

[houseofperfecttaste]

Surprisex2

It was Rafe Cameron's birthday, the kook prince, the boy who had everything. You had bought him the new PS5 since it just came out, with two controllers, and you made him a custom one with your nudes on it. You also bought him gift cards to his favorite place and a signed golf ball from his favorite golfer. And this morning you added one more present to the list.......a baby. You sat on the bathroom floor holding the positive pregnancy test in your hand a small smile breaking onto your face. Luckily, you and Rafe talked about kids the other day and how you both want two. You guys have been together for 8 years and both of you are 24 now and ready. Rose had also been asking about grandchildren.

You were so excited to surprise him and he was out for breakfast with Topper and Kelce so you took the opportunity to go out and buy baby clothes and an 'I love my daddy' onesie. You arrived home quickly placing the clothes in a bag covering it with tissue paper and placing the pregnancy test in a card putting it in an envelope taping it to the bag. You placed it with his other gifts then you heard the house door close signaling he was home.

"Baby!" He cheered jogging up the stairs and opening the door to your shared bedroom smiling at your figure on the bed. "Happy birthday sweetie." You got up walking over to him wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing his lips. "Thank you, baby." He placed his hands on your ass pulling you closer and making you giggle. "How was breakfast with Top and Kelce?" You kissed his jaw and he tilted his head up letting you kiss down his neck. "Hm it was good missed my girlfriend though." He smiled his hands resting on your hips.

"I missed my boyfriend too." You kissed his lips playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. "Y'know what I was thinking?" He asked twirling a piece of your hair around his finger. You hummed tilting your head to the side and looking up at him. "I wanna make you my wife." He whispered leaning down to kiss your lips softly making you smile into the kiss. "I want you to be my husband." Your hands were running through his hair admiring all of his features. "I love you, Mrs. Cameron." He teased pecking your nose. "I love you more Mr. Cameron." You watched as he took his shoes off and laid in bed with his arms open. "Come give the birthday boy cuddles."

You jumped into bed next to him cuddling up next to him wrapping your arm around his torso as one of his arms wrapped around your waist, the other playing with your hair. "How many people are coming over later?" "About 30." He groaned turning to face you and pulling you into his chest resulting in your nose pressed against his chest not being able to breathe. You pulled away slightly rubbing his back. "I know baby but it'll be fun and I promise it'll the best birthday." "If it's not you owe me." He teased pinching your waist playfully. "Deal."

After a few minutes he fell asleep and you squirmed out of his tight grasp decorating the house for the party and baking about 70 cupcakes. It took you an hour and a half to decorate the house and you put your apron on before gathering all the ingredients for the cupcakes. While you were mixing the frosting you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist and a head placed on your shoulder. "What can I do to help?" "Nothing love, there's a golf tournament on go watch it." You smiled up at him it was his birthday you weren't going to let him do anything. "Oooooo can I lick the bowl?" He picked up the bowl containing leftover cupcake batter and you giggled at his childish behavior nodding. "Of course Rafey."

A few hours later people started arriving at your house for the party and you and Rafe were currently cornered in your kitchen stuck in a conversation with Rose. "So you two have been together a long time, when can I be expecting an engagement or baby?" She took a sip of her margarita and you and Rafe looked at each other neither of you knowing what to say. "Soon," Rafe smirked making you look at him questionably.

Once everyone left you and Rafe were sitting on your back porch your legs draped over his as his hand rubbed your thigh and you guys were talking about the party and everything people said or did. “This was the best birthday thank you baby.” He kissed your cheek and you smirked knowing it wasn’t over. “I have one more surprise for you.” You giddily jumped up going upstairs to retrieve the bag with the big surprise in it. You walked back outside looking down into the bag to make sure everything was all good. “Happy” You started dropping the bag when you looked up.

“Oh my god,” You gasped hands flying to cover your mouth as you saw Rafe on one knee in front of you an opened box in his hand with the most beautiful diamond ring. “Y/N Y/L/N I love you with my whole heart I knew you were the one since we were 16. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you marry me?” “Yes! Yes! Yes!” You cried kneeling in front of him grabbing his face and kissing him passionately both of you pulling away tears down both of your faces. He slipped the ring onto your finger kissing you again before grabbing your hands and standing up. “It’s beautiful Rafe, absolutely gorgeous." Your hand was extended in front of you your eyes fixated on the ring as you watched it shine.

"I'm glad you love it." He wrapped his arms around you from behind massaging your hips and kissing your neck.

"I love you." You tilted your head to the side giving his more access as your hand reached behind you to play with his hair.

"I love you more." He wiped the tears from your eyes kissing your cheeks. "Alright open your gift baby. Do the envelope first!" You cheered handing him the bag and he sat down on the patio chair pulling you down to sit on his leg. He took the envelope off the bag taking the card out and his eyes widened when seeing what was inside. "You're pregnant?" He looked at you with a dopey grin on his face as you nodded happily. "You're pregnant!" He exclaimed grabbing your face and bringing you in for a kiss and you felt tears hit your nose. You pulled away to see tears falling from his eyes placing his hand on your belly.

"You're gonna be a daddy."

"You're gonna be a mommy." He got on his knees lifting your shirt and placing kisses all over your stomach. "Hi, baby I'm your daddy. I love you so much already." He whispered making you giggle and smile knowing he was going to be the best father in the world.