#How to Build an Abominable Snowball

[neopianbiologyproject]

Abominable Snowball (poll at bottom)

sorry about the delay in getting this blog up n' postin', I realized after getting setup going that I don't actually know how I want to order this stuff. anyway, let's start by going roughly alphabetical

this is an Abominable Snowball!

Abominable Snowball A great friend... for as long as the weather stays cold.

Item Category: Wintery Petpet

Available From: Restocks in Wintery Petpets (Terror Mountain), but also available from the Ice Arena of the Battledome (Terror Mountain) and The Snowager (Terror Mountain)

the other places the Abominable Snowball occurs use rarity-based systems of item generation (i.e. they can give any item of a certain rarity regardless of origin, e.g Esophagor in Haunted Woods, The Wishing Well in Neopia Central, Kiko Pop in Kiko Lake).

therefore it's pretty easy to determine that the Abominable Snowball's natural territory is Terror Mountain, primarily Happy Valley and the Ice Caves.

Habitat: Terrorpolar Alpine Forests

here's the rub: Abominable Snowballs may not be naturally occurring

How to Build an Abominable Snowball Its quite easy once you look up how.

Abominable Snowballs can be built! this doesn't preclude them occurring naturally, but it is possible to roll some snow together, decorate it, and bring forth new life

note: it is not actually mechanically possible within the game of Neopets to build an Abominable Snowball, but that does not mean it doesn't happen outside of player influence.

(there is the question of whether Abominable Snowballs are even sentient, but it's the opinion of this blog that all Petpets are alive, or at least self-mobile, even Rocks, because all Petpets can enter and exit the Symol Hole independently)

this puts the Abominable Snowball's kingdom as either Elementa or Constructa, depending on whether they occur without Neopet influence.

i couldn't find any other items that lead me to believe one way or another, except that it's probably a common pastime to build Abominable Snowballs as one would a snowman:

Abominable Snowball Fights Those poor Abominable Snowballs...

Abominable Snowball Usuki Set This Usuki set comes with a carrot, mittens and buttons to dress up your Usukis Abominable Snowball.

the Abominable Snowball Acara Muffler and Abominable Snowball Acara Wig even equate the Abominable Snowball to a snowman:

Abominable Snowball Acara Muffler A muffler for the added effect of a snowman.

Abominable Snowball Acara Wig A pretty brown wig with a snowman hat for your Acara!

that said, building a regular snowman doesn't require instructions, as building an Abominable Snowball apparently does

also of note, Abominable Snowballs melt in heat and hot weather:

Desert Abominable Snowball Maybe this was a bad idea...

(note that this is also the only Abominable Snowball color that has a unique description)

Abominable Snowball Plushie Unlike the original, this ones an all-weather friend.

Abominable Snowball Borovan Oh no! Who dropped that poor Abominable Snowball in the mug?

however, there is something to be said for the fact that the Desert Abominable Snowball retains the intelligence of a white Abominable Snowball, and can be converted back into an Abominable Snowball of any color by repainting it -- there is some quality of its aliveness that is carried across all colors, even if it appears to have melted, and despite the apparent ease with which one can put together their own.

due to the magical properties of Paint Brushes, though, this only goes for melting or other conversion through painting; that one in the borovan is gone forever.

there is also something to be said for the fact that all Abominable Snowballs of one color share identical accessories in identical configurations. one requires a green and red hat with a pompom to make an Abominable Snowball; no other hat will suffice. likewise it is possible in theory to make a small snowman that is almost but not quite identical to an Abominable Snowball, but that does not come alive as a true Abominable Snowball would. maybe this indicates the platonic nature of an Elemental, but one that can be replicated by Neopians? or perhaps one that is intangible in its natural state and, through creation of a suitable host, brought forth to inhabit a body?

finally, there is no indication that an Abominable Snowball can be made in any of its other colors, only its default color of White. that is, it may be the case that one can build a white Abominable Snowball, but must repaint it to achieve other colors. (which raises questions about the Robot color and others, but we don't need to worry about them thank god).

note that if it may occur as an Elemental, it should be considered an Elemental, even if it could also occur as a Construct

you can also make an argument in the replies or in my ask, etc!

all of the items examined in making this post have been added to this wishlist on Jellyneo, including some that were not discussed here but had some other tidbits about the nature of Abominable Snowballs.

[razzdazzledoo]

How do you feel about people roleplaying as MX?

Alright everyone, sit down. I've been waiting for this moment.

Welcome to

RAZZDAZZLEDOO'S QUICK GUIDE TO WRITING MX!!

For those who wanna be in-line with the character while still having the freedom of not being canon.

So first things first, let's get the ground basis with MX.

MX does what he does for the reactions it brings, that kinda stuff is his entertainment. So he plans ahead, hoping to find the best snowball effect for the strongest look of terror on people's faces.

Though he doesn't plan THAT much, he gets a ground base and then improvises the rest of it so it's hard to plan ahead against him.

He's also not meant to be intimidating all the time either, his playmates will get bored if it's the same song and dance so he plays into other personalities to throw them off.

When their guard's down? He strikes while the iron's hot. And that makes them terrified even more.

Second, how he interacts with other people.

It ultimately depends on what the other person's like. Are they exactly like him? Do they have the potential to be? Or are they like Lucas where they clearly fear him?

Those kinda aspects will play into the chemistry MX can have with a person. He's best friends with Executable M and Mr. Virtual for a reason, they're just like him in the sense of 'tormenting for their own entertainment' along with whatever goals they have.

If they show fear, he'll play into it. He'll show them reasons to fear him, and then the next moment deceive them into believing there's some good in his heart. Only to then tear down those chances, and watch them crumble.

"What if I wanna ship my MX roleplay with someone?"

You have the freedom to do that, don't let me restrict you from having fun. I'll provide how he would, in-character, respond to romance. But I wanna get some rules down first.

Do not be sexual with him. That kinda shit makes me incredibly uncomfortable, not to mention I don't see him ever showing interest to the thought.

Do not ship him in problematic scenarios. This can include: People in the victim role, like MX took their soul and put them in a vessel; Characters who are directly stated to be minors; And characters that use Luigi's likeness. I outright forbid this and will not hesitate to block you if I see it.

Build up to it. MX obviously isn't going to know what the hell a "relationship" is, he's never entertained the idea and so it's going to take some time for him to learn. He's gonna have to figure out why he feels the way he does around that specific person, whether with their guidance or not.

He knows that humans can feel love, and how they respond to it, since he's been around since the universe's creation; but he personally doesn't know much on the subject.

When he realizes he's actually capable of love, he's not gonna know how to respond to it. He might even outright avoid the person he feels those emotions to since he has not an iota of knowledge with relationships.

If your interpretation of MX has an actual friendship with other muses, and he gets along greatly, he might go to them about it as a show of trust and they can help him figure it out.

Otherwise, he'd try and leave "gifts" for his special someone. Like a cat bringing you a dead bird, for comparison. Most of his gifts are eldritch abominations though, like a smaller version of one of his clouds in his world as an example.

On the other hand, if his special someone went to him first about pursuing a relationship and he does feel love towards them as well; He'd go along with it, essentially being a big giant teddy bear for them if he thinks it'd be funny enough.

If someone tries to pursue a relationship with him and he feels no attraction, he just kinda messes with them about it. Poking fun that they'd fall in love with a monster like him, who'd never love them back.

There's no canon MX ship, I just personally lean more towards Powerforest since it's a comfort ship of mine.

"What are some other tips?"

If your interpretation of MX can frown, make it have impact. That brute smiles all the time, regardless of the situation; So if he frowns, that's gonna have to mean something.

Canonically if MX frowns, he's locked in. He's not gonna waste time playing around, he wants you DEAD.

Don't be afraid to be silly sometimes.

It'd get awful boring real quick if MX was one-dimensional in a roleplay scenario, having something like that can give him way more depth and I encourage it.

You don't need to follow this guide exactly, but please still be respectful of the boundaries I expressed in here.

This is not meant to be a rulebook on how to write MX, you still have the freedom to write him how you feel most comfortable with writing him. This is just how I go about writing the character in my own spaces.

[terrathetulpa]

I would like to bash the Minecraft movie teaser immediately. Because we need to bully the studio into getting rid of it or changing it like we did to Sonic. It is the most egregiously hideous abomination of Minecraft I have ever had to look at through these poor shared bloodshot eyes. The animals look like fucking horseshit supreme! Like someone was fucking around with some fur shaders for the first time and went "What if I pulled in a model of a sheep from Minecraft?" That llama is gonna be in my nightmares and I'm gonna lucid dream for the first time in months just so I can banish it to the wretched cursed CG hell plane that it came from. But first I'm gonna bash it's hideous skull in so it doesn't come back!

I am so unimpressed by your wide angle shot of a landscape that is supposed to be Minecraft, and doesn't even pass for modded Minecraft! It doesn't look like the game at all! It looks like someone tried to do a 4k voxel style remake of genshin impact and then someone else photo-shopped random ass stock photos into it. And when is someone gonna tell the movie execs that we don't wanna look at Jason Momoa anymore!? I hate his stupid bearded face!

The only snowball's chance in hell that this thing has of being watchable at all is Jack Black, and even he looks scuffed as shit! You bought that man a blue T-shirt from the GAP SEVEN MINUTES before filming- didn't even check to make sure that shit fit him! LOOK AT THIS!!!

I love you Jack Black, but you are not Steve!!! YOU ARE NOT STEVE!!! Did anyone bother to like- LOOK at the source material for more than 0 seconds!? Do you realize what this movie COULD HAVE BEEN!? I CAN'T EVEN SIT HERE AND DESCRIBE TO YOU HOW BAD THIS MISS IS FOR ME, WE WOULD BE HERE ALL NIGHT!!!

GOD!!! AT LEAST GET HIM A PROPER SHIT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! FUCK!!! FUCKING FUCK!!! FUUUUUCCCKKK!!!!

MOTHER FUCKING DAMNIT! BITCHES IN HELL!!! FUCK THIS MOVIE! PLEASE KILL THIS MOVIE!! BOMB THIS FUCKING MOVIE!!! I need all of you internet haters to pretend this thing is Morbius! When this comes out in theatres, if they haven't at least tried to fix it. Every time you see it just pretend it's Morbius. It is not worth your time. Do not see it. Even if you really like Jack Black. Do not.

You know what fuck it- I can write a long ass post.

Listen, you have to understand that I love Minecraft. I love Minecraft so much. I love running around, making things and exploiting villagers. Roaming vast landscapes of blocks and tricking the skeletons into shooting each other. The greatest burden of my childhood is that I couldn't convince my friends to continue playing Minecraft with me. If Minecraft were a beautiful woman, I would marry her. We would host lavish dinner parties and all of the guests would compete to build the coolest Minecraft build, and I would always win because Minecraft is my wife! Now I will proceed to spend several minutes resisting the urge to describe even the most intimate aspects of this theoretical marriage I would have to Minecraft in excruciating and graphic detail. (The fuck was I saying?)

This movie could have been LITERALLY ANYTHING! Because if it has ever happened, it has happened in Minecraft. This could've been a thriller, a murder mystery, an action movie, they could have remade literally anything and gotten away with it because "It's Minecraft, it's different" They could have made INFINITE MINECRAFT MOVIES!!! But more painful to lose, and more painful to see missing from the discourse about this film is that it could have told stories that nothing else could have told. This could have been a base wars movie, this could have been about conflicting factions competing for land, with complex politics, interesting heroes and villains, doing goofy ass shit like building sheep everywhere or making chicken bombs as much as they actually genuinely fight with TNT cannons and crazy ass ANIMATED PVP sequences. This movie could have been FUCKING SICK!!!

This could have been a retelling of an anarchy server's history, or a long romantic love letter to the game itself in movie form, or a playful exciting romp through someone's LAN game but from the perspective of those in game characters- AND NO ONE PLAYS AS STEVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE!!! Where is our community's representation??? I don't trust this studio to show us massive sprawling builds that represent years of work, the fortresses, the cathedrals, the giant nether mansions. We're not going to see seasoned players strike down the ender dragon with 5 beds and a wooden axe. We're not getting elytra courses, SMP stories, redstone computers, massive pixel art, giant sculptures, hidden signs in peoples bases, pastoral communities farming by the river, villager outposts, torn up server spawns, that one guy who built a 150 block tall wheat farm overnight, the absolutely massive expanse of mods for this thing, the elaborate RP plots, the full on cities constructed by dozens of people, adventure maps, survival challenges, that one fucking log by the door that you keep stripping on accident- THE ACTUAL ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT MINECRAFT IS FOR ANYONE!?!?

NO!!! NOOOOO!!! None of that for you! You know what you get instead!?!?

You get JACK FUCKING BLACK trying to lug this 150-million dollar 6000 pound TURD through the box office BY HIMSELF!!! In a shitty blue T-shirt that some poor underpaid intern bought for him for 9$, 7 minutes before they started filming!!!

and I don't think he can do it!

There's no band-aid big enough to make this better.

Not even Jack Black!

[kyriefae]

*This is a TL;DR maybe trauma dump kinda post so fair warning. 😉

I have been no-contact with my parents for about a year and a half now. I'd say in that time I've found peace I wasn't affording myself before and I hadn't consciously been able to figure out why. I held on to a sense of guilt and obligation they imbedded in me; indoctrinated into my brain.

I let them go at the age of 32.

I let them know my reasoning but I also note on here a very important thing they were and will likely never know: they don't know I'm nonbinary and they don't know I'm bisexual.

Their acceptance isn't something I crave because I have long since lost it. I've grieved it's loss a thousand times over; many sleepless, tear-filled nights wore away at the desire to feel their acceptance like rain to stone.

It started with "Mom, Dad...I'm not Catholic" at 16 and snowballed from there. The amount of therapists and counselors and priests they sent me to and the sheer distance emotionally they created with me had profoundly negative consequences on our relationship. Not to mention the heightened sense of awareness I began to note as to how much they wondered or cared about my preferences or my day or my thoughts on things. They established a power dynamic and believed they could throw money at the problem; but their "problem" was me. A non-dogmatic child.

I say all of this to build at least a semblance of context around the significance that a couple of days ago, I re-downloaded the book of faces to my phone. I generally don't care to use the app but friends of mine remain connected through messenger. Anyway, my mother reblogged the prototypical Christian supremacy thought line on the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Specifically the part where she and so many other people, fueled through hatred, see a drag showcase of the Feast of Dionysus and think of it as an abomination unto her lord.

...

It's a quiet pain.

Quiet because I expected as much but I know now I was correct. Correct to preserve myself. To look after my own safety; to walk away.

...if she'd heard her youngest child who staunchly accepts agnosticism is ALSO "one of those queers" well ...she'd have a downright panic attack. The phone calls I would receive alone would send me into a spiral. Instead...I know where I stand. I know where she and my father and my siblings stand.

Over there in their echo chamber of heteronormative, god-fearing obligations, duties, and restrictions. Atop their pedestals looking down upon the rest of us that live our lives in every other sort of manner.

While I'm over here. Loving the beauty that exists out there in the world and genuinely moved by what I've been seeing these Olympics. Especially the opening ceremony.

Gojira!? Are you kidding me? I fucking love them. Whales are in the sky!

If you've read this much, know that I'm sending you the positive vibes I plan to instill in my day. You're included and you're valid. 💞

Kisses.

[devilsrecreation]

Coven Head Christmas headcanons

I’m pretty sure Christmas (or at least a Demon Realm version of it) exists based on this pic:

Now it’s the coven heads’ turn!

Raine:

Composes new Holiday songs every year

Knows all the existing songs by heart

May be shy in front of an audience, but they LOVE singing and playing along with their friends

Puts on a special red bow just for their violin

All the ornaments on their tree are of instruments

Always stands under mistletoe (by accident, of course)

Darius:

Makes abominations to decorate for him

Is the most relaxed when it comes to the holidays

Can be found humming all the Christmas songs

Gives out either clothes or skin-care products as presents

Says he doesn’t need anything, but secretly hopes he gets the most presents out of everyone

Eberwolf:

Very grateful, you can get him anything and he’ll give you a hug

“It’s an avocado! Thanks!”

Gives everyone something called “snow pies”. It’s what it sounds like

Gives all the beast demons their own Christmas presents

Wears fake antlers 24/7

Forces Darius to wear holiday hats

Terra:

Is the one creating all the Christmas trees for Belos

Puts bows on all of her plants

Her greenhouse is filled with lights

This is the only time she doesn’t hold any grudges

Spoils Petunia and Saul with presents

Puts flowers instead of ornaments on her tree

Adrian:

Adrian goes all out—Christmas music blasting, fake snow, and house covered in decorations like that one scene in the live-action “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”

Most of the decor are just illusions

Blasts Holiday music 24/7 and annoys pretty much all the Bards

Binge-watches all the holiday movies, even the bad ones

Is a little less insufferable around that time

Hettie:

Tries to get Vitimir under the mistletoe

Decorates the Healing Coven building herself

Wears ugly Christmas sweaters cuz she can

If you say one bad word about said sweaters, you’ll be spending Christmas under her care

Vitimir:

Compared to everyone else, he’s the closest thing to the Grinch

Often the victim of Adrian’s bright decirations

Is forced to wear sweaters against his will

Prefers to sit by the fire while everyone else plays in the snow

Tried to make his own hot cocoa once. It backfired.

His face softens whenever someone gives him a present, it’s adorable

Osran:

Very festive around the holidays

The ghosts help him decorate his mansion with lights

Has mistletoe everywhere as an excuse to either kiss or get kisses from Ophelia

Kurse hogs all the apple blood and the Demon Realm’s version of eggnog

Makes hot cocoa for everyone

Has a holiday party every year with his and Scooter’s family

#1 gift giver

Mason:

Looks forward to Christmas cuz he gets to hang out with his kids more

Is a pro at snowball fights

When Steve and Matt were little, he used to give them cute handmade toys he built himself

Built sleighs for both Steve and Matt so they’d look cool

His signature hammer was a Christmas present from Steve

Bonus:

All the coven heads take turns putting at least one ornament on the tree in the castle

Double Bonus:

Scooter can cause all of the Boiling Isles and Bonesborough to sing along with him during a Christmas song. Hunter is usually with him cuz he deserves to be happy around the holidays

[luckyxcharm]

GET TO KNOW ME - SUN VALLEY IDAHO

1.) Who are you rooming with while in Sun Valley, Idaho? Me, Myself and I 2.) What are your 3 ski trip necessities? Gloves, Winter Boots, and a puffy jacket. 3.) What is the first thing you are planning on doing during your trip? Climbing up the mountain to prove to myself that I can. 4.) What is your favorite thing about being in the mountains? The breathtaking views! 5.) What is your least favorite thing about being in the mountains? The snow -_- 6.) What wild animal do you not want to come into contact with on your trip? A bear! 7.) Are you a pro skier or an amateur? Amateur! 8.) Do you prefer to ski or snowboard? Snowboard! 9.) Are you scared to ride on the ski lift? Hahaha, no! 10.) Do you love the snow or hate it? I hate the snow, but I enjoy it once a year. 11.) Is there a left and right ski? Yes...I think so??? 12.) Is the abominable snowman real?  Absolutely! 13.) How many layers of clothes are you wearing? Are you warm yet? I am wearing my pjs under my snow suit! 14.) Do you have mittens or gloves? Gloves 15.) Do you like penguins or polar bears? Penguins all the way!! 16.) How cold is too cold? 30 degrees is too cold for me! 17.) Are you making a tiny snowman or a big snowman? A tiny one since I have no one to help me build a big one. 18.) Would you get on the Polar Express and go to the North Pole? Yes of course!! Let's go! 19.) Would you go to the top of Mount Crumpit to spy on the Grinch? Yes I will!! I'd like to see how he really is. 20.) Would you trust Zach to drive you on a snowmobile? Yes and no! 21.) If I double-dog dared you would you stick your tongue to a metal pole? Nope!! I've seen A Christmas Story!! 22.) At what point does getting hit with snowballs stop being physically painful and start becoming cute? After a few that are thrown at me. 23.) Is it really fun to stand on two sticks and throw yourself down a side of a mountain? Not at all! It's scary to me. 24.) What are you planning on doing extra since the Mayor has the bill? Ordering steak and lobster at dinner!! 25.) How would you entertain yourself if you were snowed in? I would read one of the many books I brought with me.

[amesstm]

do you want to build a snowman?

Characters: Bokuto, Kenma, Kuroo, Iwaizumi, Sugawara

A/N: in honor of the fact that I finally have time to write because my part of the research work is done AND it has snowed!

✨Bokuto✨ has been watching Frozen and Frozen 2 lately. He’s been blaring “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” throughout the house for over a week now. “Hey baby, do you want to have fun in the snow today?” You didn’t dare mention a snowman but he immediately recommended it. How could you possibly deny him when he was this cute? “I want to make him look like Olaf,” he said as he shaped the body together. Soon, your little Olaf was made and Bokuto was crying with joy. “I hope he likes warm hugs.” The big man knelt beside the snowman so you could take a picture of them hugging. Unfortunately, the last picture of the several you took was Olaf’s head falling off.

✨Kenma✨ hates the cold. Even if his favorite season was winter, it didn’t mean that he’d go outside. “Kenmaaaa, can we go outside? The snow has stuck to the ground!” You pouted and mustered your best puppy eyes to your boyfriend, who was currently playing Stardew Valley. He grumbled, “Do I need to?” The glare in your eyes said a thousand words without you needing to open your mouth. Now, you two were outside and were assembling your magnificent snowman. Kenma was bundled up like a mini marshmallow so he took a long time getting the foundations of the snowman’s house ready. In the end, the snowman had a cute little house and a small garden outside.

✨Kuroo✨ has already decided that he wants to make an igloo instead of a snowman. “I want to make it super cozy. I even have an idea for a bed.” You knew your boyfriend was a nerd, but this was next level. After what took several hours, Kuroo said that it was perfect. Inside the igloo, it was surprisingly not as cold as you thought it would be. “Can I make a penguin outside?” You asked when it was all over. “I was hoping you’d ask that!” Kuroo pulled out another blueprint with the grin of an excited toddler. “No! No more blueprints!”

✨Iwaizumi✨ simply follows your orders. Between you two, you were the more creative since you headed the interior decorating of your home. As for you, you trusted Iwa-Chan’s arms to carry the heavier snow balls for you. This was totally not an excuse to see your boyfriend’s incredible strength - not at all. However, you did mutter “hubba hubba” when you saw him lift them. “Can you get a third on the top?” Iwaizumi obediently placed the head on top of the snowman and made sure to pack in some more snow so that it was secure.

For chaos sake: ✨Sugawara✨ is not here to build a snowman. You threw the snowball first. After all, he couldn’t just let that go. No. This man constructed a fort in the blink of an eye. The gentle boyfriend you once knew and loved is gone. Now, all you see is the Abominable Snowman in front of you.

©amesstm on tumblr // pls do not plagiarize, steal, or repost my content w/o permission!! BUT likes & reblogs are highly appreciated :)

[scottpetersen]

Frankie Stein As A Host For Proselyte

Ok. Here I’ll be going over why I think Frankie Stein would make a suitable host for Proselyte, the embodiment of compassion and what might happen if Proselyte were to choose her to be their host. Also, Spoiler Alert for the Monster High franchise and the Green Lantern comics. With that out of the way, let’s dive right in.

First off, I’m gonna go over why I think Frankie would chosen by Proselyte. Proselyte chooses a host based on how compassionate said host is. This was shown in Green Lantern Vol 4 #59 where Proselyte chose a medic named Shane Thompson as their host because of his willingness to save injured patients even while he was in the middle of a truck accident. That obviously shows a sheer amount of compassion on Shane’s part and Proselyte most likely saw that compassion as a good reason to choose Shane as their host. And Frankie has shown great amounts of compassion too. For example, as shown in the movie Monster High Friday Night Frights, Frankie allowed the gargoyles to keep their school crest even though she and the rest of her team won the Skulltimate Roller Maze Championship against them thus, according to the rules, allowing them to take away the crest and also despite the fact that just earlier in the movie, they took away the Monster High school crest which was causing Monster High to fall apart (in the Monster High universe, it turns out that taking away a school crest causes said school building to fall apart as established in Monster High Friday Night Frights). Frankie chose mercy over revenge. And winning back the Monster High school crest for the sake of her own school was good enough for her. So, Proselyte would definitely choose Frankie as their host for these reasons.

Next, I’m gonna go over how Frankie and Proselyte would interact with each other after Proselyte enters Frankie’s body. Frankie, while usually optimistic, can have trouble getting along with a person she’s only just met if they get off on the wrong foot as shown in the webisode ‘Back-To-Ghoul’ where she got into a snowball fight against Abbey Bominable when Frankie thought Abbey was throwing snowballs at her. And since that’s nothing compared to getting possessed by a type of entity that you’ve never seen before, Frankie will probably have trouble processing what’s going on and might even start freaking out. But Frankie is willing to try to get along with Abbey despite what she seemingly did as shown in the webisodes ‘Abominable Impression’ where she tried to make the most of being stuck with Abbey for the rest of the school day and ‘Frost Friends’, was only on the brink of giving up when it seemed like Abbey was being rude to her friends. So, after being given some time to process the situation, Frankie might try to make the most of her situation like that with Proselyte. As shown in the Green Lantern Sinestro Corps Special, some of the entities of the Emotional Spectrum like Parallax, the embodiment of fear, take control of their hosts whereas other entities of the Emotional Spectrum like Ion, the embodiment of willpower, only support their hosts. And I think that how each entity affects their host is different than how each type of Lantern Ring affects their wielder because unlike the Lantern Rings, the entities are each fully sentient. So, just like how a ghost could enter a host’s body and then proceed to assert their will over said host and thus commandeer that host’s body, the entities can also assert their will over their host to some extent. Except the exact effect the entity has over their host probably also depends on which part of the Emotional Spectrum they embody. Plus, in order to assert their will over their host, the entity has to be willing to do so. And, judging by the exact way Shane Thompson spoke in Green Lantern Vol 4 #59 while Proselyte was inhabiting his body, I don’t think Proselyte wasn’t willing to completely assert their will over their host. This is strictly just guess work on my part but judging by the way the possessed Shane Thompson said referred to Proselyte as “Proselyte” rather than as “I” or “Me” (granted, he did use the word “Me” while talking about the power that flowed within him and within Proselyte but he could’ve been referring to he himself rather than Proselyte; like I said, this is strictly guess work on my part). So, given that, it was probably Shane Thompson speaking and not Proselyte. So, Proselyte probably didn’t commandeer his body. Also, judging by the way he monologued, Shane’s perception of certain things and his personality were probably altered by Proselyte. Proselyte probably did that to ensure Shane was ready for the Indigo Tribe’s mission to help people across the cosmos. Still doesn’t change the fact that Proselyte practically brainwashed a person, though. So, all of the same would probably go for Frankie if she were to be possessed by Proselyte. However, given everything I said about Frankie on this point, she might be able to reason with Proselyte and get them to not change her personality or alter her perception in any way shape or form. After all, one of the main things Frankie’s compassion centers around is being proud of yourself just the way you are as shown in the movie Monster High Ghouls Rule where Frankie tried to give everyone a speech of how you should be proud of their differences, not embarrassed of them.

Now, I’ll be going over Frankie’s powers would be affected by Proselyte. Frankie’s electrical power has been shown to be capable of animating life in the webisode ‘Home Ick’ where Frankie’s electrical power successfully helped bring a gingerbread man to life. And after taking into account the fact that it took people’s life energy rather than only electricity to bring Frankie back to life in the movie ‘Monster High Freaky Fusion, the electrical power coursing through Frankie’s being is probably something unique. If Frankie was only brought to life by normal electricity, then bringing Frankie back to life with normal electricity surely would’ve worked. But it didn’t as shown in the movie Monster High Freaky Fusion. So, judging by all of that, the reason why Frankie is able to manipulate her electricity as shown in the webisode ‘Miss Infearmation’ and the reason why her body parts such as her hand are able to move on their after being detached from the rest of her body as shown in the webisode ‘Fear Squad’ is because her own life energy is fused with her own body’s electricity. Given how spontaneous a living being and by extension their life force can be, the fact that a body’s electricity can be prone to imbalances and the fact that having your life force fused with your body’s electricity would probably give you control over that electricity since we already have control over our bodies’ life force within the body’s limit and until the day we die, those attributes probably combined when Frankie was brought to life in the first place thus allowing her to manipulate her body’s electricity and probably also allowed her body parts to move on their own after being detached from the rest of the body. And, as shown in Green Lantern Vol 4 #60, Proselyte was able to replicate the powers of multiple different parts of the Emotional Spectrum at the same time. And since, as shown in Green Lantern New Guardians #16, all the different parts of the Emotional Spectrum combined together make the White Light Of Life, Proselyte could probably use Frankie’s unique life force to replicate the White Light Of Life.

Finally, I’m gonna go over what Frankie and Proselyte would do after they join together. As shown in the webisode ‘Student Disembodied President’, Frankie was willing to run for student disembodied president in order to help the zombies against the way other monsters treat them and as shown and stated in Green Lantern Vol 4 #59, Proselyte was willing to help the Indigo Tribe with their mission of helping people against bigotry, hatred and evil. So, it won’t be hard for Frankie and Proselyte to find common ground since they both are dedicated to helping people. And considering the fact that, as shown in the movie Monster High Ghouls Rule, Frankie wants to spread the message that she and everyone else “shouldn’t be embarrassed of their differences. We should be proud” Proselyte might see that and will be willing to help Frankie spread that message.

Well, that’s all for this post.

See you all next time.

[misssunflowersandsangria]

Please Have Snow and Mistletoe- Chapter 2

My deers!!  How are you my loves?  Thank you for letting me share this story with you.  I mentioned in a comment that I’m not a huge fan of cheesy Christmas movies but I love reading them lol and apparently writing them haha.  So for this chapter, we have more snowy fluff and some InoShikaCho interactions.  Hope you all like it! If you haven’t read the previous chapter I have them linked below :D 

Summary:  Memories are made while the snowflakes fall.  

Chapter 2: A Scene from a Snowglobe 

**

Temari’s eyes took in the pristine glittering white snow from outside their window.  She’d woken up that morning wrapped around Shikamaru and despite her embarrassment, she continued to cling to him.  He was just so warm and she was committed to her role as the loving girlfriend.  If Shikamaru minded he didn’t mention it when he woke up.  

Even though she knew that she was awake, being there felt like a Winter dream. 

Last night had introduced her to all the key players. Today would be the real test of whether they could pull off being a happy couple.  At breakfast, Yoshino wrapped her in tight as though she was thankful that he hadn’t disappeared in the snow.   The Nara matriarch could be demanding and Shikamaru complained that she was a nag but Temari admired her.  She loved her family and would do anything for them.  Shikaku was more laid back, calm, and collected.  But he was strong and wise.  The Naras remained powerful and successful because of his leadership.  Shikamaru was made up of the best part of his parents.

The day would be a whirlwind of events and activities but she looked forward to what the day would bring.

“I’m sorry I didn’t think ahead. We’ll have some things shipped tonight for you.”  The clothes that she’d brought along weren’t quite suited for snowy weather. She had a pair of long pants and a sweater to wear for the day. 

Shikamaru placed an old snow jacket over her shoulders. The coat had completely swallowed her up but she looked adorable drowning in the fabric. 

“It’s okay Shikamaru, I think that this should suffice.  So what are we doing today?”

He grinned adjusting the hood over her head. “You’ll see.” 

—

Temari panted hiding behind a tree. They took this snowball fight far more seriously than she could have imagined. And she absolutely loved it. Everyone in this family was far too competitive and she fit right in. 

There were only a few minutes left and she’d managed to get everyone with a snowball except one. 

“I hear you.”  Temari turned and both she and Shikamaru had a snowball poised and ready to be thrown. She lowered her hand before she felt the snowball hit her arm. 

“I can’t believe you threw that at me!” He just laughed at the incredulous look on her face. 

“Loosen up my dear girlfriend.” Surprising him she lunged forward and tackled him into the snow. He just laughed, grabbing at the snow below them and raining it over her. Temari laughed breathlessly as they wrestled in the powder of white. She fought valiantly until he got the upper hand and was straddling her waist.   Holding his weight above her, her back pressed into the snow. 

“I think that I won.” He teased her with a handsome grin. His hands held her wrists above her head. 

“Is that right?”  She breathed looking up at him. She noticed a strange shift in his eyes as he began to lean forward.  Her eyes fell close before she felt her hands suddenly become free. 

“Shikaku! They were having a moment.” Yoshino scolded her husband who had just thrown a snowball at their sons back 

“He should know better! No time for flirting!” Temari laughed seeing Shikamaru chase after his father 

“Let’s go Temari. Shikaku will be annoyed if Inoichi wins.”  Yoshino offered her hand to help her up. 

By the end, there was no clear winner. Apparently, there never was. Their parents would just argue about which family won while they warmed up in the Yamanaka home. 

Before ducking inside they built snowmen and made misshapen snow angels. Sledding and more snowballs, all the fun you could possibly have in the snow.  

Her fingers were frozen and her cheeks and nose had turned red but Temari refused to go inside too quickly.  Everyone else had gone in but Shikamaru remained there with her to help finish building their snowman. 

“Oh no, he looks terrible.” She pouted taking in the pile of snow that could hardly be considered a snowman. 

“It was much more difficult than movies make it seem.” The “snowman” was an abomination in comparison to the one that Sai and Ino had made. She couldn’t compete with Ino’s sheer determination and Sai’s artistic abilities. 

“It’s okay Tem, let me make a few adjustments.”  Shikamaru took off his scarf to wrap around its neck. Added more snow and adjusted his arms and eyes 

“There, now he’s perfect because we made it together.” She smiled at how easily he indulged her, letting her experience all of this as much or as little as she wanted. 

She pushed aside the memory of their interlude during the snowball fight. He wasn’t trying to kiss her. That wasn’t what that was.  Maybe they both were just caught up in the moment. 

They took pictures out there in the crystalline white, their snowman between them. It was practically imperfect in every way and yet it was just right for them. 

*

**

“Look how cute you are.” 

Temari grinned seeing a photo of a young Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji playing out in the snow. She took an offered cup of steaming hot chocolate from Shikamaru. 

“You’re lucky that you have all this Shikamaru.”

“I agree.  I don’t have siblings so I’m thankful that I have the two of them at least.”  Seeing those snapshots was just a reminder of the memories he was no longer making.   He’d become so wrapped up in his own life and career. 

“What was it like growing up with your brothers.” 

“They’re the best, as annoying and obnoxious as little brothers could be but I love them. I always had a partner in crime. Being away from them this year has been tough so I’m thankful that I’ll be seeing them soon. Christmases together were always the best. Loud, chaotic but we were together so it was peaceful in a weird way.  I think they would love all the things your family does together.” 

She knew that it was a foolish statement. Their agreement would be over in a few days. It was silly to imagine integrating her family and traditions with the Naras. 

He remained silent, unsure of how to respond.  There was a part of Shikamaru that wanted to assure her that they could be part of it next year.  That his mother would be delighted to have even more people around, especially if it was her family. 

That wasn’t what their arrangement entailed though. 

Instead, he took her hand in his.  “Come on, movie time.” 

They settled into the plush chairs in the Yamanaka theater room. She tried not to gawk at how ridiculously wealthy they all were. 

“Here Temari, Karui, and I made the snacks for tonight.”  Chouji handed her a large assortment of snacks and treats. 

“Appreciate it, Chouji doesn’t share his snacks with just anyone,”  Karui informed her with a grin. 

“Then thank you Chouji, I’m honored.” 

Before the movie started Shikamaru’s arm wrapped easily around her. She automatically leaned into him a shared blanket over them.  This was all to prove themselves a happy couple right? 

“So you’d do this every year?”

“Yes, up until the last few years, especially when we were kids.  It was more eating snacks and me sleeping than actually watching the movies but it became a tradition of ours.” 

“My brothers and I would do this all the time too. If one of us were watching a movie, we would just naturally gravitate towards each other.”  Them being together, it didn't matter what they were doing, it was enough.  

“You’re really close to them?”

“I’d say so.” 

“Think that they’d like me?”  

She smiled to herself thinking about what her brothers' reaction to Shikamaru might be. “Of course my dear boyfriend. Gaara for sure, Kankuro would be an annoying prick about everything but I’m sure at some point he’d warm up to you too.” 

“That actually makes me really happy to hear.”  He admitted. 

“Temari! Bring them next year!”  Ino interjected hearing their conversation.

“Ino!”

She ignored Shikamaru’s protest. “They’d love it. More people to torture our beloved Shikamaru.” 

“Ino they have their own holiday activities.”  He tried to explain without revealing why that wouldn’t be possible.  

She wasn’t pleased with the response but nodded.  “Okay, but we have to meet them soon okay Temari?”

She nodded with a soft smile.  “Sure Ino, I think they’d be happy to meet you all.”

They all settled back down as the movie played. Temari picked at her nails anxiously. It should have been enough to just learn about his life and family. Now having hers being brought up was increasing the stakes and complexity of this situation.  

But when Shikamaru placed a steady hand over hers and pulled her further into his chest the worries melted away. 

Shikamaru was hers for just a few more days then they’d go off to live their separate lives. Just how it should be. 

Her eyes though lingered on their intertwined hands. Praying that at the end of this her heart would come out whole. 

The levity of familiar holiday classics eased any tension they felt.  She was just enjoying movies and snacks with her friends and “boyfriend.”  Something nice and simple. 

“Lay down Tem, it’s okay,”  Shikamaru told her softly.   She nodded surprised that he noticed her dozing off.  She rested her head on his lap.  He gently ran his finger through her blonde locks as her eyes fluttered closed.  He smiled remembering how happy and carefree she was playing in the snow.  The image of her with apple colored cheeks and snowflake kissed hair would forever remain in his memory.  If that errant snowball hadn’t hit him, would he have kissed her?

Shikamaru could feel his blonde friend's eyes boring into him. “What Ino?”

“Nothing, it’s just nice to see you all coupled up.  Your mother and I almost died when you told us you were bringing home a girl. Part of me thought that she’d just be some hired actress you brought along to get us off your back.  But the way that you two interact, how you look at her. This is real. Now someone else can worry about your dumbass.” 

He glanced down at Temari’s peaceful form.  How tightly she clung to him even while sleeping.  “I guess we both just got lucky.”

“You don’t believe in luck.” 

“She made me believe in it.” 

His friends were stunned speechless by the simple comment. 

“Whoever thought that Nara Shikamaru would be such a romantic.  When you two get married your mother is going to be ridiculous.” Chouji teased him already imagining the Nara matriarch on an absolute tear. 

Shikamaru’s eyes shot wide open at the statement.  “Married?”

Ino laughed off his surprised look.  “Of course! Then babies, the next generation of InoShikaCho!”

The other couples began to chat excitedly about the prospects of weddings and babies. The talk was to be expected now that he’d brought someone home. For generations, their families had shared weird traditions one of which was having kids all around the same ages. Part of him knew that Ino and Chouji were both waiting for him before they could start their own families. 

He never thought about just how much of an impact bringing someone home would have. So many hopes were being raised and soon they’d come crashing down once he and Temari “broke up.” 

Maybe after all of this, he’d eventually find someone but that person wouldn’t be Temari. And the idea felt utterly disappointing. He couldn’t imagine his family welcoming someone else so easily.  He doubted that anyone would ever measure up. 

So he just held onto her. That inevitable future would come but he still had her at least for right now. 

*

**

That night Temari laid in bed restless and awake. She wasn’t sure what happened when she’d fallen asleep during the movie but Shikamaru seemed a little more distant when she woke. 

That should have been okay. This was just a business arrangement but the cool way he regarded her for the latter part of the evening stung. His family didn’t seem to notice the change but she did. They still had two more days together and she didn’t know if she could handle him keeping her at arms distance. 

Surprising her his voice range clearly in the darkness.  “Come here Tem.”  His strong arms drew her in and her head settled against his heart. His warm hand cradled her head as he placed a kiss against the top of her head. 

“We’re okay.” 

She bit back her smile of relief and nodded against his chest.  His heartbeat steady and strong against her ear. 

Whatever this was, however it all ended, it would be okay. 

*

**

Please Have Snow and Mistletoe 

Chapter 1: Flight 4XMAS

Chapter 2:  A Scene from a Snowglobe

*

**

Shikamaru, lies have consequences...Does anyone else play Animal Crossing? It’s so hard to make a snowperson!!! It doesn’t snow where I live so it’s something that seems so magical and wonderful to me.  Oh to play in the snow with your rich “boyfriend.”  If you’ve read any of my stories before then you know that I love the giving your love interest something of yours to wear trope. Okie, the next chapter out tomorrow or today depending on your time zone. Thanks again for all your love and support.  Love you my pretty deers! 

@wargraymon0709 :D 

[the-curious-butterfly]

Team Owl vs Team Raven

(Another story to go into my Mother/Daughter collection. While this does come after the events of YBOS the spoilers here are quite tame) 

Today was meant to be a day of training, a day to test their students to see how far they’ve come since that interesting day at the covention. At least that’s what they agreed upon before they brought their apprentices up here to The Knee. Turns out the only testing to be done was to be on Lilith’s patience. And to a lesser extent Amity but while the witchling also wanted to train she also couldn’t complain about seeing Luz so happily enjoying herself. 

That was until a snowball hit her in the face and knocked her backwards. 

“Direct hit!” 

“Woooo, that’s my girl!” Eda and Luz exchanged a high five from behind the large boulder they were using to hide. 

“Edalyn! We are suppose to be training!” Lilith huffed as she helped her student up. Her strand of gray hair falling in front of her as she leaned down, a reminder of why they needed to train. 

“This is training! We’re simulating a battle.” Her sister called out, unbeknownst to her that she was readying another projectile to fire. 

 “How is this simulating a battle, snowballs aren’t even that-ahhhh!” This time it was Lilith’s turn to get hit in the face and fall on her rump prompting Luz and Eda to burst out into fits of laughter. 

“That does it!” Lilith growled out before turning to her now standing protégé “Amity.”  

The young Blight needed no more direction as she was already drawing a spell circle. “Abomination rise!” 

Not just one but two decent sized abominations rose out of the ground, one to build a fort around them and another to grab as much snow as it could and roll it up into a huge ball. “Alright, show us what you got then!” 

Safe to say the sight of a huge snowball hurtling their way was enough to shut them up for a spell. 

“Oh... shoot” 

“Kid, move!” The owl lady grabbed her kid by the collar and dragged her away from behind the boulder into the open. Seems Lilith was anticipating that for she used magic to greet them with a barrage of her own. 

With her quick thinking Luz laid down a glyph to summon a wall of ice before them to deflect the snowballs. 

“Nice thinking, Luz.” Eda praised her student before leaning out from behind the wall of ice to return fire at Lilith who only had to duck for the abomination had created a rather impressive fort. In fact it looked like an actual fort, with four pillars and everything....wow.

“Drat! It’s gonna be difficult to get to them now.” 

Edalyn chuckled at Luz’s words. “Watch and learn, kiddo.” She stepped out from behind their, mediocre by comparison, defenses and summoned three different spell circles to rain fire upon the snow fort, successfully melting it in record time. 

“Hey, that’s cheating!” Amity pointed an accusatory finger at them. 

“Says the ones who started using magic first!” Luz teased back and for just this once Amity wanted to wipe the smug smile off her face instead of kiss it...just this once. Although like, she’d still be willing to kiss it later. 

“You said this was a battle simulation, what battle doesn’t involve magic?” Lilith reasoned though she didn’t understand why she should have, in her mind it just made sense. 

“Fair enough.” Eda replied calmly before “surprise attack!” She lifted a great heap of snow with magic and hurled it at the opposing side. At the last moment Lilith used a spell to shield her and Amity, unaware that Eda’s pupil had sneaked around behind them.

“Surprise attack!” This time they were not quick enough as Luz jumped up and hurled two snowballs directly at their chest effectively knocking them down. 

“Yes!” Luz whooped as she held her fist up in the air, her mentor doing much the same. 

“That’s my kid! Watch out for Luz and Eda.” 

“Baddest Snowball fighters on the Boiling Isles!” Luz completed for her as she ran over to wrap her arms around Eda’s waist. 

“You know it.” Eda reached a hand down to ruffle the kid’s hair causing Luz to giggle. 

The two on the ground watched the display with their unreadable expressions before turning to each other with soft smiles that turned smug before addressing the others again. “Rematch!” They yelled in unison. 

One rematch quickly turned to three and then five and so on. Each team managing to one up the other but otherwise fairly equal in strength and energy. For Eda’s part she hasn’t remembered the last time she’s seen her sister laugh and enjoy herself so much. And for Luz, she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Amity like this, it was...really nice. 

Eventually exhaustion did catch up to the four along with the realization that getting hit with so much snow can make you very cold. So they found a log and while the kids sat huddled together to warm up, the two adults proceeded to make a fire along with something warm to drink. 

Eda handed a mug to Luz, unable to finish saying “Watch out it’s hot.” Before Luz brought it to her lips. She held the mug away and stuck her tongue out instantly, fanning it with a hand. “Ow ow ow ow!” 

“Well what were you expecting!” Eda chastised while drawing a small spell circle to heal Luz’s poor tongue. ‘Poor’ because it belonged to an idiot...but Luz was her precious idiot. 

Lilith appeared next to Amity with her own mug, unsure of what to say as she handed it over she settled on “You did well today.” For she really did, at one point she had managed to throw Luz and Eda into the sky. 

Being rather reserved herself Amity had no idea how to responds besides with “Thank you, Miss Clawthorne.” 

Lilith looked to her sister and Luz, seeing the easy interaction between the two causing something unfamiliar to stir within her before she looked back at Amity. “Actually, call my Lilith.” 

Amity was honestly quite taken aback by the development but in no way was it unwelcome. She would also feel something whenever she watched Luz and Eda. Part of it she understood as her crush on Luz, she liked seeing her happy, but the other feeling she couldn’t put a finger on. “Okay, Lilith.” 

“Perhaps tomorrow we can do some actual training?” The eldest Clawthorne directed to her sister. 

“Yeah yeah, sure, whatever.” Eda commented back though she was more preoccupied with keeping Luz from spilling the hot substance all over herself. Poor girl was losing consciousness fast. That’s what happens when you’re a kid drinking something warm after so much playing in the snow. Seems it was affecting Amity too. It was honestly quite adorable. 

Eda set the mug down on the ground before picking Luz up and cradling her in her arms. “Imma go ahead and put Luz to bed.” The two had brought separate tents, that Eda had lying around from the human realm, for themselves and their students to share. They would have let the girls shared one but they weren’t that big to comfortably hold both sisters together, along with other points that made sharing one with each other a little much right now. 

“I’ll do the same with Amity.” Instead of picking her up Lilith directed her with a gentle hand. The witchling still conscious enough to at least walk. 

“Afterwards we can sit out here and just talk or something. If you want?” Edalyn suggested to which Lilith answered with a smile. 

“I’d like that.” Even though it’s been some time they still haven’t really had a one on one conversation since...that day.

The owl lady merely nodded, though she suggested it she was unsure what she’d really say to her sister so she simply focused on the task at hand which was getting Luz to bed. 

Eda laid Luz down on the sleeping mat inside the tent before grabbing the blanket and tucking her in with it. Making sure she was nice and snug so there wasn’t a chance of her getting cold through the night. Once she was finished she stayed kneeled and watched Luz with a warm but somber expression. Unready to leave because really what was she gonna say? 

But she knew she had to eventually go back out. It was her suggestion after all. Lilith was already sitting on the log. The look on her face made it obvious that she was also worried her sister had backed out but it eased up when she saw her. 

“I was worried you wouldn’t show.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it.” Eda sat down on the log but kept just enough space between them. Space that had never been there before. Not even when they didn’t see each other as much. 

“I would understand if you did.” Lilith looked anywhere besides at her younger sister. After the initial exchange came the silence that seemed to drag on. Really what can they say to each other? Finally Lilith decided on a topic that would most likely be her best shot at breaking the ice. “Never thought I’d see you acting like a mother though.” Her words were accompanied by a quiet and rather nervous laugh. 

“What’s that suppose to mean?” 

“Just that I recall you saying on more than one occasion that you’d never want a kid.” 

Eda crossed her arms in front of her with a huff “I mean I was a kid, what kid want’s a kid.” 

“As I recall you were 27 the last time you spoke about it, saying a kid would only slow you down.” Lilith spoke with more confidence, at least enough to tease Eda with. 

“Yeah, well.....ugh shut up! The last thing I needed was a kid while I was dealing with a curse.” 

“Kind of ironic that a kid did end up being what you needed.” Instead of coming up with a retort Eda simply smiled sadly as she looked down at the snow beneath her boots. It wasn’t exactly a lie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much she meant to you. I thought you kept her around as a pet, she was a human after all. I didn’t realize till later that your bond with her went deeper than that. Probably deeper than the bond we use to have.” Lilith’s smile was just as sad as she looked at her sister out of the corner of her grey eye. 

Edalyn shook her head “No, our bond could never have been replaced. My bond with Luz is just as strong but different. I don’t know if I can ever forgive what you did to her but I appreciate that you apologized.” Eda finally looked at her and despite the fact that she didn’t forgive her Lilith still managed to feel better. After all it be wrong to hope for any forgiveness right now. 

“You, on the other hand, I know you always wanted a kid to share your knowledge with. You could probably develop something just as strong with Amity, Isles knows she needs a better parental figure than what she already has.” Eda sighs as she remembered everything Luz told her from the day they helped Willow with her memories. 

“Truth be told I already knew of that, I just never found the time to address it.” She knew it was an excuse “But now I guess I have all the time I need to fix that.” It would be nice. Lilith didn’t really have any relationships outside her sister and with how rocky that was right now. She could really use someone the way Eda had Luz. And here was a small girl who needed the same thing. 

“Look at us, who’d have thought we’d be where we are today?” the younger sister asked with a chuckle. 

“Certainly not I.” the older sister answered with one of her own. 

After that the silence returned but it wasn’t as bad as the first time. Until Eda ruined it by saying “By the way, me and Luz totally schooled you guys today!” 

“As if!”

Eda gave a little snort as she laughed. 

(That episode was so nice. I would love an episode like this in the future ^^.) 

[the-fiction-witch]

XMAS 2020 Snow Angel

TV SHOW: WOLF HALL COUPLE: RAFE X READER RATING: SWEET

I smiled as I sat on the window seat looking out to the fluttering snow landing on every surface imaginable, I wrapped myself up in my coat with gloves and scarves as well as lacing my boots as high as possible running through the house and pushing open the bedroom door I usually did. Seeing Rafe sat at his own window seat reading a book.

“Rafe! Come on don’t you wanna go play in the snow?” I giggled running and grabbing his arm trying to tug him off the seat but he wouldn’t move 

“Not really no” 

“Come on come play in the snow with me!”

“You wanna go out to the snow?” he asks “But it's cold? and wet? and slippy?” 

“Yes!! Come on Rafe! Let’s go kiss in the snow” I giggled making him stand up “Let’s go have a snowball fight! Or make a snowman! Or I can shove snow down your pants!”

“Y/n, Calm down its just snow”

“I know. It just doesn’t happen too often”

“Alright,” he sighed, getting his jacket. “For you” he smiled so I giggled dragging him through the house and out into the snow. I was already cold as the snow fluttered around in the wind “I already hate it and wanna go back inside” he complained 

“Ohh come on Rafe! Be fun” I told him 

“Why can’t you like the summer? When it’s warm and nice outside”

“Because winter is better” I giggled grabbing some snow and throwing it at him hitting him in the face 

“Why am I marrying you again?”

“Rafe!” 

“Awww Y/n I was only kidding” He smiled holding my hands “I just don’t understand why you like snow so much”

“Because it’s beautiful, and it makes nice sounds and it's fun. It’s fascinating how little tiny flakes fall from the clouds”

“Your too cute sometimes” he smiled kissing my head “Go on go play” 

I tugged him along with me walking through the pretty snow, playing snowball fights that never really went anywhere as he always let me win, and I even made an angel in the snow “Aww very lovely y/n, it's a very beautiful little snow angel” he smiled kissing my little cold nose “You ready to go back inside?”

“No I wanna make a snowman” I smiled “Please Rafe come help me” 

“Alright” he sighed helping me build a little snowman, he was wonky and barely stood up without falling down he looked sad and disturbed “He looks a little… Like he doesn’t wanna live”

“He knows he’s an abomination and he knows we did it to him,” I said

“Yeah… I think we should let him die” He says kicking the snowman over so it fell back to the ground “Come on, let’s get inside by the fire and warm up,” He says holding my hand and tugging me inside the house and up to Rafe’s room. We got wrapped up in some blankets and had a little cuddle close to each other as we nuzzled close to the fire “Come on my Little Snow angel, let's warm-up I don’t want you freezing” He says kissing my nose. 

[neopianbiologyproject]

Trudy's Surprise

Now that we've verified all the base petpets, we can discuss Trudy's Surprise, its candidate specimens, and how their origins affect our determinations.

What is Trudy's Surprise?

To summarize this Jellyneo article, Trudy's Surprise is a daily activity. Essentially, it's a slot machine without the slot.

If played on consecutive days, prize values increase each day, up to 25 days in a row. That is, the player still rolls to match icons, but each icon is worth more depending on how many days in a row the player has spun Trudy's Surprise.

Excerpt of JN's chart on this:

If the player's streak is broken, or the player reaches day 26, the counter resets to Day 1. It's one of those daily log-in bonuses MMOs all have these days (tho, to be fair, you can fully ignore Trudy's Surprise and turn off notifications about it if you so choose, without missing out on much).

There are minor exceptions which you can read in the linked article, but these don't really matter for our purposes.

What's important to us is the items Trudy's Surprise gives out. For a streak of 7 days (so, Days 7, 14, and 21 in the 25-day cycle, if playing consecutively), the machine will also give out an item. Many of these are exclusive to Trudy's Surprise.

What Trudy's Surprise items are notable to us?

You can see the full list on Jellyneo, but here are some items I want to highlight. These are either species candidates, informative about a candidate, or informative about Trudy's Surprise itself.

Key: 🎰 Exclusive/unpaintable Petpet 🖌️ Non-exclusive/paintable Petpet

Pool 1 - Trudy's Surprise theme: Gold Frogarott🎰

Pool 2 - Terror Mountain theme: Cloud Snowbunny🎰, Rainbow Abominable Snowball🎰, How to Build a Snowman: A Petpets Guide

Pool 3 - Beach/summer theme: Elderly Darpinch🎰, Woodland Yoakie🖌️

Pool 4 - Neovia theme: Bloody Finger Hotdog, Floating Figures, Ghost Tyrowbee🎰, Glowing Melton🎰

Pool 5 - Kiko Lake theme: Corals in Kiko Lake, Water Smiley🎰

Pool 6 - Tyrannia theme: Tyrannian Blibble*, Tyrannian Gulper🎰

Pool 7 - Maraqua/Krawk Island theme: Barnacle Burrito, Island Yullie🎰, Pirate Altachuck🎰

Pool 8 - Cottagecore theme: Cloud Weewoo🎰, Strawberry Eizzil**

Pool 9 - Stargazing theme: Eventide Felly🎰, Starry Baby Space Fungus🎰, Book of UFO Mysteries and More, Space Rock Collection

Pool 10 - Disco theme: Disco Tasu🎰, Jelly Barlow🎰

Pool 11 - Skater theme: Checkered Cadro🎰, Fire Sharky🎰

Pool 12 - Arts & crafts theme: Clay Bika🎰, Sketch Tasu🎰

Pool 13 - Camping theme: Fire Dofrey🎰, Woodland Snicklebeast🎰

Pool 14 - Food theme: Chocolate Albat🎰, Strawberry Plumpy🎰

Pool 15 - Pizza theme: Fire Cofferling🖌️, Picnic Geb🎰

Pool 16 - Grey theme: Grey Mini Trudys Slot Machine

Pool 17 - The Void Within theme: Grey Bowla🎰, Grey Doglefox🎰, Nyx Action Figure, Tavi's Hair & Tail Shampoo

* The Tyrannian Blibble is unpaintable, but available to buy on Krawk Island. ** The Strawberry Eizzil cannot be created through painting (no other Eizzil can be painted Strawberry), but the Strawberry Eizzil can be painted to another color.

What do we know about how these items are generated?

The way that Trudy's Surprise "gets" these items to award them to Neopians is unknown, but we can tell the box is seemingly aware of current Neopian events (the above themes relate to on-site plots, holidays and announcements). For the items that are non-exclusive, it may stock itself with existing items, maybe by having Trudy gather items and stock the machine herself. But for items that are exclusive, and particularly the living ones, it's not possible for Trudy to be creating these specimens herself; the machine must be generating them or drawing them in from elsewhere, automatically and magically so.

Let's look into the history of Trudy's Surprise itself.

It's hard to find articles from when Trudy's Surprise first landed on the site; the Neopets fansites don't document its discovery, rather focusing on what it does for Neopians and how to interact with it.

Clicking the [?] button on Trudy's Surprise itself brings up the following story:

A strange feeling nagged Trudy, a curious Ixi, for days. A forewarning of doom perhaps, she thought. Soon after, on one of her long, solitary walks that spanned the length and breadth of Neopia, something strange happened. She heard an unusual rustle in the bushes. Curious, she took a peek. Hidden among the bushes was a slot machine! ‘Ka-ching, ka-ching,’ it seemed to whisper. Trudy hesitated only for a moment before she succumbed to its call. She pressed the button on the machine, unsure of what she may unleash. To her amazement, she was awarded Neopoints. Trudy fell to the ground and cried with joy. She could finally afford a fancy frock for the ball. From then on, Trudy took more walks, hoping luck would smile upon her again. And it did. She discovered she could play the machine once every day to win prizes. With each consecutive day, the number of Neopoints awarded increased. Occasionally, the machine was extra generous and gave her a Gift Box. On the 25th day of playing, she won a phenomenal number of Neopoints! After 25 days, things changed, leaving Trudy puzzled. This FAQ, helped her make sense of everything, though.

From this we gather... Trudy doesn't know what the Slot Machine is, either. Also the FAQ for Trudy's Surprise wasn't crafted by Trudy, but another artifact (artiFAQt) that she seems to have found somehow? The link is broken, now, and according to this reddit post it always has been.

No one knows where the Slot Machine came from, or where Trudy was when she found it -- just that it generates coins and items and dispenses them in a predictable pattern over the course of cycles of 25 days.

So, in summary:

Trudy's Surprise is a slot machine

The Slot Machine dispenses neopoints and sometimes items

No one knows where the Slot Machine came from; just that it was found by Trudy

The items dispensed by the Slot Machine can be living creatures

Each item dispensed by the Slot Machine corresponds to a set of items belonging to a single theme

The set themes sometimes correspond to site events

What we need to determine, specifically, is whether the Slot Machine is generating these items, or bringing them in from elsewhere through something like teleportation of items, or being stocked by ghosts.

If all of the Trudy's Surprise petpets were exclusive to Trudy's Surprise, I would say the Slot Machine is creating them, somehow, and all items from the Slot Machine should be considered Constructa with a local habitat of wherever the Slot Machine is located. However, we know some species, like the unpaintable Tyrannian Blibble and the paintable Fire Cofferling, are available elsewhere in Neopia, so the Slot Machine isn't making up items, just relocating or fabricating copies of them to be dispensed. The Slot Machine also seems to do this with a particular interest in items that are so rare they exist but are extremely difficult to find elsewhere. In the case of living specimens, these species are so rare in the wild, they had yet to be discovered, but did already exist. We know the machine is "interested" in generating wealth and valuable items, so is it possible that it's selecting these petpets because of their rarity in particular?

We don't know where Trudy found the Slot Machine, but as long as we aren't considering the Machine to be the sole origin of these items, that fact strikes me as irrelevant to this question. The items can be associated with any region and the ones available elsewhere don't have any correlation in location.

Another theory is that the Slot Machine is of alien make, and somehow crash-landed in Neopia, later to be found by Trudy. In this case, the petpets it dispenses could be rare because they don't exist in Neopia. But I find this conflicts with the petpets being named for existing petpets, even if they constitute different species by way of being unpaintable. I suppose that hinges on whether we trust the naming force to be accurate in its assessment of similarity.

I think our best bet is to call these petpets Neopian rather than alien, as we have evidence that at least some of them do exist naturally. On top of that, the creatures' habitat of origin should be considered based on the pool of reward items the creatures were added with. E.g., the Water Smiley would be from Kiko Lake, as it was added with the Kiko Lake-themed items.

So, without addressing exceptions yet, we can determine the following habitats:

Set 1 - Wealth: Unknown, could be anywhere in Neopia.

Set 2 - Terror Mountain

Set 3 - Beach: The plants Bludberry and Krakuberry (ingredients in the Bludberry Urgoni Cupcake and the Krakuberry Shake) are from Mystery Island. The petpets Darpinch and Yoakie would come from Maraqua if they weren't painted. I think we call this one Mystery Island, which already has a strong beach association.

Set 4 - Neovia: Haunted Woods

Set 5 : Kiko Lake

Set 6: Tyrannia

Set 7 - Beach 2: The items Sinking Pirate Ship Background and The Endless Tales of Pirate Adventures have a Krawk Island association. The Maraquan Frisbee, Summerfun Flotsam Beach Ball and Jetsam Mini Fan are associated with Maraqua. The Barnacle Burrito is from Kiko Lake. I think the pirate associations here are so specific, and the rest of the items have a beach/island/stranded theme, we place this set in Krawk Island overall.

Set 8 - Cottagecore: None of these items have a particular location association, but the vibes are very Meridell/Brightvale or Neopia Central. Without a strong "medieval" or even farming lean in the theming, I think we'll call this Neopia Central.

Set 9 - Stargazing: Space. These items are either from space, about space, or made to look at space.

Set 10 - Disco: Unknown. Possibly Neopia Central. Slim chance it's Tyrannia, which has a large disco scene.

Set 11 - Skating: Neopia Central. Only in that it's absolutely nowhere else.

Set 12 - Arts & crafts: Unknown. Possibly Neopia Central. Crossbow gives medieval vibes, though.

Set 13 - Camping: Unknown, likely Terror Mountain.

Set 14 - Cooking/food: Neopia Central, based on the "Egg-onomics: Best Ways to Cook an Egg" and "Inside Neopian Fresh Foods Shop Background" items.

Set 15 - Pizza: Neopia Central, based on the Pizzaroo Playset and Inside Pizzaroo Background items.

Set 16 - The Void Within: Space, probably. Need the Void Within plot to conclude to be sure of its origins. Because we decided the Slot Machine isn't generating any new items, Grey items are converted from their existing variants, and don't count as new species.

There are some exceptions, but this post is WELL long enough and I'll address them in their individual posts. For the rest of the items, I'll classify them as indicated here and with respect to their original variants.

Please let me know if you have any thoughts on my logic here! I'm curious about possible alternatives or anything I might've missed about Trudy's Surprise. Thank you!

[caprina-mints]

Signs Going Snow Boarding

Aries: Already at the Peak of the Mountain with Cancer and Smile Dog trying to find the Abominable Snowman

Taurus: Had Long Passed out in the Lobby due to Motion sickness. Now Nurse Ann is looking out for Taurus as they puke their heart out.

Gemini: Got their tongue stuck on the pole and along with them was Jeff. The two had unfortunately challenged each other how long they could lick the pole without freezing.

Cancer: Already scared shitless and is now running for their lives and because a few hours earlier when Aries, Cancer and Smile dog went looking for the Abominable snowman. They found a Polar Bear instead... A very big and hungry Polar Bear

Leo: Was being Held back by Ben when the Guide Yelled at Leo for taking so long in choosing a snowboard. And Leo does not take bullshit from anyone.

Virgo: Is with Slenderman and Trenderman being responsible and made hot chocolate for everyone. Now the three are sitting infront of the Fire place having a nice chat with the Abominable snowman.

Libra: Is climbing towards the peak of the mountain but ended up climbing a Volcano that appeared out of nowhere.and when they came back they had unfortunately bumped into Aries, Cancer and Smile dog and behind them was a raging Polar bear now Libra is thinking of 1000 ways to strangle Aries.

Scorpio: was actually being decent and skiing down the slopes like a normal person with Jane.

Sagittarius: Was being Nice for Once and Taught Pisces how to skate through a river that was frozen in place but the peacefulness didn't last long and turned into chaos when Toby, Masky, Hoodie And Eyeless Jack Showed up and started a Snowball fight.

Capricorn: Wasn't a fan of Snow boarding but decided to try it. It was fun for some time until a rouge Snowball hit them on their face and now they are carrying their snowboard trying to find who threw it.... Ended up joining the Snowball fight in the end.

Aquarius: Is in a very tight spot and was confused which one they would help build a snowman with. Laughing jack or Sally? The two Pastas have a very complex relationship and Aquarius was unfortunate enough to tag along with the two.

Pisces: Was furious when their skating lesson was interrupted with the other creepy pastas and Fought back with a lot of snowballs. Pisces and Sagittarius were outnumbered even though the 2 were good. It was a good thing Cap decided to join and their team won in the end.

[literary-masochism]

Midnight Sun: Chapter 2 - Bella is an Eldritch Abomination

So... I managed to finish the first chapter with only a day break in the middle of it instead of the year or so break I had to take with Twilight. I was hoping that, since this chapter starts off in a completely original place that it'll be... I don't know... less painful? Easier?

That was a lot to hope for, wasn't it?

Instead, it took a bit over two weeks to get through this chapter. It'd take me an hour to get through a page because of all the bad.

But hey! I got it done and now I can enjoy a nice slice of red velvet cake.

Chapter Two: Open Book

Edward, unable to control his 'monster', has fled to Alaska where he can mope while blending into the snowy scenery like the lump of ice he is. He's slumped down in a snow bank, describing it as 'velvet under his skin'. Not sure how because he's definitely heavy enough to crush snow into slush but I guess Meyerpires are Tolkien Elves as well.

Also, Meyerpires see stars as if they were pained by Van Gogh

The sky above me was clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black backdrop of the empty universe—an awesome sight. Exquisitely beautiful. Or rather, it should have been exquisite. Would have been, if I’d been able to really see it.

But, of course, Edward has to ruin it by doing this:

When I stared up at the jeweled sky, it was as if there were an obstruction between my eyes and its beauty. The obstruction was a face, just an unremarkable human face, but I couldn’t quite seem to banish it from my mind.

Another vampire by the name of Tanya (further proof that Meyer subconsciously hates someone (me) that she's never met – Tanya's my given name) is sneaking/not sneaking up on Edward's mope party and... there's a line I'm a bit confused by...

I think Edward's calling Tanya 'exquisite'. I guess Edward just learned that word from his word-a-day calendar because he's used it 3 times already and it's been a bit more than half a page.

She mentally calls out 'Cannonball' and does a flying jump into the snowbank and, in an astounding turn of events, she doesn't land lightly on top of the loose snow, leaving no trace of her dive but instead actually sends up a spray of snow over Edward because fuck that guy.

Sorry, not snow but 'feathery ice crystals'.

Edward sighs and accepts his fate of being mildly snowed upon as the face of the Void haunts his every thought. Or something.

Tanya, concerned that Edward was becoming one with winter and would soon be lost to them all, digs him out of the snow and apologizes, saying 'it was a joke'.

He assures her it was funny (it wasn't) then continues to cry into his metaphorical pint of ice cream.

They have a short conversation about how Tanya thinks she's annoying Edward by coming onto him nonstop and Edward admits to being uncomfortable by it. Tanya isn't used to rejection and mentally gives Edward a slideshow of all the sex she's had over the years.

Gross. And also sexual harassment.

Edward mopes about how much of a coward he is and how, no matter where he goes, he'll just be running away from Forks. Tanya tells him to grow a pair and just go back to Folks (not those exact words) and tries to steal a liplocky kiss which Edward dodges.

With her plan to deflower Edward thoroughly ruined, she pouts with a 'you're welcome, I guess' and leaves – hopefully to never bother us again.

She was on her feet in one nimble move, and then she was running away, ghosting across the snow so quickly that her feet had no time to sink in. She left no prints behind her.

Fucking Elves...

Anyway, Edward curls up in a fetal position to stare in the general direction of the stars that he can't see because the Void takes up all his vision.

He finally gets off his ass and Legolases his way back to the car and every Tolkien fan weeps.

I just want to point out that Tolkien elves leave no footprint because they are considered otherworldly and are three quarters literal spirits.

Meyer considers her vampires to be 'of science' (and I'm assuming Meyer means the kind of science that says the earth is flat and vaccines make you autistic). Now, I admit I'm not the best at math or science but...

Bull. Shit.

The implication here is that the vampires are going so fast over the snow that their feet don't have time to sink into the snow and leave a mark. But the thing is: it's not an issue of speed, it's an issue of weight. Running is basically pushing your weight forward and to do that your feet push down. The more you weigh, the deeper your feet sink in.

This is powdery snow. A too harsh sneeze is going to leave a mark.

This is not the first time Meyer has a problem with her overpowered vampires and them breaking the very basics of physics.

No, Meyer, Edward can't run into the bathroom, fill up a glass with water, and run back to Bella's room in a blink of an eye. Yes, Edward can be that fast... the sink isn't.

Sure, Edward can hear any other human on the road and adjust his driving that way... can he hear the deer that might be crossing in front? And even if his reflexes are the fastest in the west... a car has momentum and inertia that has nothing to do with vampire speed/reflexes/whatever other excuse.

If I was doing segments or counters or something, this would be the first in “Meyer doesn't understand basic science'.

Please, let me know if I'm wrong about this. I'd love a science lesson on things like this...

With that out of the way, I checked the leaked PDF for this part and... some of the trash was taken out. That's something at least.

Anyway, back in Forks...

The Cullens walk into the school cafeteria (calling it 'run-down' which is the only time I can recall it being called such) like a bomb is about to explode at any moment. Alice is so focused on watching the future that Jasper has to lead her around by the arm. Emmett is walking around like a bodyguard and Rose is already done with this bullshit.

Way to not draw attention to yourselves.

We also get told that they actually had a very fun morning, having a snowball fight (aka pelting Edward with snow until that got boring) and how it's such a drastic change from how tense everything is now.

Meyer, you know what would have really set off that difference? IF YOU ACTUALLY WROTE THAT INSTEAD OF TELLING US IT HAPPENED.

I can even tell you how to do you could have done that while adding to the tension. You could have had Edward waiting by the car since five in the morning after having Esme and Carlisle give him a pep talk all night and hearing Emmett and Jasper plotting ways to break the tension. You can have him getting annoyed by having to avoid the snowballs before finally getting into the car to put a stop to it. You can have Esme thinking positive thoughts at him and giving him a thumbs-up while they drive away.

You could have had character, relationship, and world building but... no. No, instead we get straight to the whining, no more aware of just what is at stake than we were before.

This writing fucking sucks.

Edward listens to all the thoughts around him. He's absolutely certain Bella told everyone how he traumatized her with his mean looks so surely everyone would be gossiping about them!

Have you see how mean he looked at Bella a week ago?! Surely they're not human if one of them can give a random girl such a mean look!

You see how stupid that is, Meyer?

A normal girl would have asked around, compared her experience to others’, looked for common ground that would explain my behavior so she didn’t feel singled out. Humans were constantly desperate to feel normal, to fit in. To blend in with everyone else around them, like a featureless flock of sheep. The need was particularly strong during the insecure adolescent years. This girl would be no exception to that rule.

bEcAuSe BeLlA iSn'T lIkE oThEr GiRlS.

Also, fuck you.

Edward is amazed by how shy Bella must be to not have told anyone that he gave her a nasty look! He wonders if she told her father but decides she must be closer to her mother but he'll have to read Charlie's thoughts just to be sure.

Edward, of course, doesn't know Bella holds her father in contempt and seems to utterly loath him until the plot requires otherwise.

As he's listening to the entire student body, he informs us that, a week ago when he went to Carlisle to get his car, they had a talk about how vampire powers always got stronger and never went away which was what Edward was worried about.

WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO SEE THAT TOO!

They're all amazed that Bella didn't spill the beans about how mean they can look at people. As Bella's coming in, they all try to act normal.

So Emmett throws a snowball he had hidden in his ice-cold hand and threw it at Alice who, seeing it coming, flicked it away so that it flew across the very large room and hit a brick wall... cracking said wall.

You maybe be wondering why the snowball didn't break as soon as it hit her fingers... Shut up, that's how!

“Very human, Emmett,” Rosalie said scathingly. “Why don’t you punch through the wall while you’re at it?”

“It would look more impressive if you did it, gorgeous.”

Okay, I can forgive it for this line.

Edward checks to see if their 'acting' worked. Bella is standing in the lunchline – not moving at all to the point where people have to check to make sure she didn't have a stroke or something. Bella claims she feels sick and Edward gets a rage boner over Mike getting worried for her.

Also: Translucent skin.

Edward realizes he was showing human emotion by worrying about Bella so much that he calls himself an idiot for acting like the 'dimwitted' Mike Newton and vows to stop worrying about stupid things aka Bella.

We know how that goes.

And, in case you forgot/didn't know that Emmett killed a little old lady...

“Ease up, Edward,” Emmett said. “Honestly. So you kill one human. That’s hardly the end of the world.”

“You would know,” I murmured.

Emmett laughed. “You’ve got to learn to get over things. Like I do. Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt.”

Also, does Emmett not know that Edward went on a murder spree? Emmett, we know, killed two people, maybe a few more... Edward killed, at least, a several dozen.

Edward don't feel guilty about shit.

To help make them look normal, Alice throws ice in Emmett's face so he shakes his head, releasing a 'deluge' of melted snow everywhere. Apparently, Emmett's head can hold a lake's worth of water or Meyer doesn't understand what 'deluge' actually means.

Also, the Cullens are notorious for being closed off, strange, and weird. From the first chapter, they sit in silence, not talking to each other, not even looking at each other. Wouldn't this sudden play fight be so out of character for them that it would draw the entire of... everyone in the room? This would be like if your stern, religious grandmother decided to throw a rave.

Somehow, no one else seems to notice the extremely out of characterness of the Cullens but Edward does catch Bella looking at them again. Edward tries to listen to her thoughts because maybe this time it'll work.

Guess what? She's still a void.

What follows is Meyer trying really hard to make Jessica unlikable to retroactively make Bella's assholery towards her in the previous books seem justified.

Edward catches on to Bella trying to ignore him. When lunch is over, the Cullen's stay at their table, waiting on him to decide what he's going to do and...

Would I go to class, sit beside the girl, where I could smell the absurdly potent scent of her blood and feel the warmth of her pulse in the air on my skin?

'feel the warmth of her pulse in the air on my skin'

I know what Meyer is trying to say but... there are a LOT better ways of saying it.

The whole Cullen family discussed what Edward's choices were and the consequences would mean... also pointing out that they are all, more or less, monsters who don't give a flying fuck about humans in any meaningful way. If ants could give a fuck, the Cullens would give less of a fuck than an ant's fuck. That's how little fucks they give in regards to humans.

Carlisle disapproves but isn't going to stop Edward if decides to get to chomping.

Jasper disapprove too but more in a 'Why does Edward get to kill people but not me?' kind of way.

Rosalie wonders how Edward fucking up is going to ruin her day.

Alice is useless (as always)

Esme thinks Edward 'can do no wrong' so I guess she'll probably be very proud and impressed by how good of a murder he is. I mean, he did murder her abusive ex-husband...

And Emmett was just remembering all the murdering he did and how fun that was and decided to poke the bear that is Jasper into remembering how tasty humans are.

So, yeah, fuck all these guys.

I don't think I touched on this previously but I know pointing out the monstrous things the Cullens do seems counter-productive and hypocritical. Vampires are monsters and I'm angry they act like monsters? No. I'm angry because they claim they're not monsters and then wave off whatever evil they do as inconsequential because of their lifestyle.

A vampire wants to be good? Great, I want to see that conflict in their nature. I want to see them fight against their nature and see the guilt from their past. I want to see the pain and struggle so that we they fail or succeed it has a real, emotional payoff. I love those stories.

The Cullens... don't have that. There's lip service towards it but it's only skin-deep. None of them really seem to care about human lives (Bella being the exception) and it shows. They may act nice enough (and barely even that) but that doesn't make them good.

Their search for redemption/a normal life/whatever else they claim to want is like a smug billionaire talking about how they had to settle for the solid gold napkin rings because a diamond encrusted one clashed too much with their aesthetic but that's the price one has to pay I guess. Life truly is suffering.

Their sincerity rings false and it shows.

Back to this shit show and, in a genuinely surprising turn of events, Jasper 'Murder-boner' Hale tells Edward to take it slow, maybe even go home. Yes, Jasper is a bit smug that Perfect Edward was struggling but it's still better advice than any of these other murderers have suggested.

But, of course, Edward's pride is more important than these insignificant humans so he stays.

Edward decides to go, of course he does, but he also remembers how he promised himself that he wouldn't get 'unduly interested' in Bella because she's the void. He seems to have forgotten that, in the same breath, he vowed to figure out what she was thinking no matter what.

(But we already know everyone in this book has a selective memory when it comes to moving the plot along.)

He wonders if staring into the void will somehow help him figure out what she's thinking.

He hurries his butt to class, making sure we know what each individual 'sibling' feels about this. He gets to class before it starts and sees Bella doodling on her folder. He thinks that this will be a peek into Bella's thoughts...

… and he's disappointed that it's just circles within circles (though now I wonder if a picture of the drawings from The Ring might not have been better). He does the thing I hate where Meyer sucker punches us with a hint concerning Bella's actions from the first book: he concludes that she must to be thinking of something other than what she's actually doodling.

As he sits down, he notices her 'deer in headlights, if I don't move the car can't see me' approach to being near him and, in a moment of true human emotion, he promises himself he'll try and leave a better impression this time so she's not so scare of him.

Just kidding, he's going to leave a good impression to gaslight the fuck out of her into thinking she just imagined him giving her a mean look.

He gives her his most polite smile, careful not to show his teeth. I don't know why because Meyerpires don't have fangs.

Bella stares at him in wide-eyed confusion which is, apparently, the exact expression he's been daydreaming about for the last week.

...okay? Weirdo.

He stares into her eyes, telling us all the shades of brown they are (milk chocolate but clearer like tea because I guess Meyer didn't realize tea can be pretty dark) and about the flecks of color in them that isn't brown (basically bright green and yellow only described with more purple prose) and never realizing that means her eyes are hazel which I find hilarious after the big deal they made about losing Bella's dark brown eyes due to the food meter vampire eyes they have.

To Edweirdo's surprise, he finds he can't hate her anymore.

I approve because at least we get to see this tiny bit of actual falling in love here that was, as far as I'm concerned, completely and utterly absent in the rest of the series. Seriously, it was getting awkward with them getting married and her pushing out a kid and I'm still waiting for any hint that they're actually in love.

It's a nice change of pace.

Edward stares her into submission and claims he didn't have a chance to introduce himself and, being the gentleman he is, he reminds her of her own name, in case she forgot.

Bella, having forgotten that new students usually get introduced to the class and that, after a week of being at school, most people would know her preferred calling... asks how the person sitting next to her knows her nickname.

I must have truly terrified her, and this made me feel guilty. I laughed gently—it was a sound that I knew made humans more at ease.

“Oh, I think everyone knows your name.” Surely, she must have realized that she’d become the center of attention in this monotonous place. “The whole town’s been waiting for you to arrive.”

The thing is: she does know she's the center of attention because she bitched about it nonstop in the first book! Which makes the 'Isabella/Bella' thing even more stupid.

She frowned as if this information was unpleasant. I supposed, being shy as she appeared to be, attention would seem like a bad thing to her. Most humans felt the opposite. Though they didn’t want to stand out from the herd, at the same time they craved a spotlight for their individual uniformity.

Fuck off! Just fuck off!

I had to take a break after that stupid just so I could deal with the stupidity of the rest of the page.

I know it's a stupid thing to get hung up on but Meyer plays Edward knowing Bella's name as the first hint that he can read minds and... it's really not a good example. Especially with how Edward reacts to it:

I’d just realized what her questions meant: I had slipped up—made an error. If I hadn’t been eavesdropping on all the others that first day, then I would have addressed her initially by her full name. She’d noticed the difference.

I felt a pang of unease. It was very quick of her to pick up on my slip. Quite astute, especially for someone who was supposed to be terrified by my proximity.

Yes, you heard it all the time that first day and probably the first day back since that's her preferred name. Everyone calls her that, especially by now. It's not a hard thing to pick up on. Edward acts as though she's going to call him out on his vampirism any moment now. It's not only stupid but it's a bad plot device to try and convince us how astute Bella is when, really, it's just Edward being paranoid because despite being a vampire around humans since 1920, he has no idea how to act around them and has never made the effort.

To make matters worse, his coping mechanism around Bella is to not breath... and he needs to do that now if he wants to keep talking to her. Because not talking to her would be 'incomprehensible rude'. Because that's what matters here: politeness.

Edward needs a cheekily little breath and...

Ahh!

It was intensely painful, like swallowing burning coals.

Meyer... when people go 'Ahh!' after taking a breath, or having a drink, or anything refreshing really, it's because they're expressing relief... not because they're in sudden pain.

We get the same awkward (in a good way because teenagers are supposed to be awkward) 'Ladies first' exchange concerning the microscope.

Bella just stares at him blankly...

… and having seen the darkness that surrounds and inhabits every living thing in the universe, he says he can start if she likes and to please not consume his consciousness to feed her insatiable appetite.

I added the last part but I feel it was implied.

She insists she goes first and, fearing for his soul/consciousness/whatever, he agrees. She says it's prophase. He asks to check it and:

Instinctively—stupidly, as if I were one of her kind—

Gotta make sure we know he thinks humans are stupid. You know, in case you forgot.

Their hands briefly touch and they're zapped with the Static Shock of Twu Wuv though Meyer plays it off as Bella's skin feeling so hot against Edward's cold, disgusting, yucky, cootie-ridden hand. He wonders what she must think after touching his horrible, icy skin and concludes she must be repulsed by him.

Or, you know, think you were having a snowball fight with your siblings during lunch. Or that you have poor circulation. Or that it's fucking Forks and everything is cold.

Also, Meyerpires's relation to temperature doesn't make sense unless they are a literal heatsink. Their temperature don't settle into that of the area around them, like other dead things/rock, but just absorbs heat nonstop. But that's a complaint we'll see again later.

Terrified that if he glanced into the void once again his mind would become consumed with madness, he does the next slide in their assignment. She asks to check his answer since turnabout is fairplay. Except Edward has, apparently, never heard of this and is shocked that this lowly hooman/eldritch being might think he's wrong!

But he sees the hopeful look on her skinless face and can't help but smile because Mood Whiplash is something else Meyer doesn't get. Bella is disappointed to find Edward is right but decides to spare his sanity in order to fuck with mine:

I dropped the next slide into her palm, keeping my skin far from hers this time. Sitting beside her was like sitting next to a heat lamp. I could feel myself warming slightly to the higher temperature.

THAT IS NOT HOW... HE CAN'T JUST GET HEAT FROM... AMBIENT TEMPERATURE...

They finish the assignment first because of fucking course they did and then we get this:

Wish he’d stayed wherever he went, Mike thought, eyeing me sulfurously.

Mike thought, eyeing me sulfurously.

eyeing me sulfurously.

sulfurously.

THAT IS NOT A PROPER WORD. EVEN IF IT WAS, THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

WAS MIKE EYEING YOU SO HARD YELLOWISH VAPOR THAT SMELLS OF ROTTING EGGS WAS COMING OUT? DID HIS EYES TURN YELLOW INSTEAD OF YOURS?!

BECAUSE THAT IS EVERY MEANING FOR SULFUROUS, MEYER JUST ADDED 'LY' TO THE END BECAUSE SHE HATES ME AND EVERYONE ELSE.

Okay, I'm calm now.

Edward is surprised about how much Mike seems to hate him. Way to go on that whole 'Keep track of everyone's thoughts in case the townsfolk have a sudden interest in pitchforks and torches' thing.

He's also surprised to find the feeling is mutual. I'm surprised because Edward already hates everyone and everything so why is this new information?

Edward admits he understands Mike's attraction, that Bella is actually kinda pretty for a human...

Fuck you.

...but in an 'unusual' way.

Better than being beautiful, her face was… unexpected. Not quite symmetrical—her narrow chin out of balance with her wide cheekbones

Aka: a heart shaped face which is actually a very common face shape and classically attractive.

extreme in the coloring—the contrast of her light skin and dark hair

Also a very feature that we see over and over again in conventionally attractive actors/models/what have you.

and then there were the eyes, too big for her face, brimming over with silent secrets.…

Eyes that were suddenly boring into mine.

Bella decides to spare his consciousness but only so she could send it out of his body, trapping him in the nothingness between atoms to witness the everlasting and all encompassing void and know nothing else for all eternity.

Nah, she was just wondering why his eyes are all sulfurously yellow and weird looking.

Edward:

We get a long paragraph of Edward explaining that yes, his eyes are different because he ate all the Bambis and Bambis's Moms in the forest though he used more words than that.

He then calls himself an idiot for not realizing why Bella was asking about contacts.

He tells us that in the two years of being in that school that no one every looked at them close enough to notice their eye colors – despite them being extremely beautiful and attractive – because once they get a glimpse of their beauty, they're disgusted by them and have to look away because humans are just so stupid, you know?

Why did it have to be this girl who would see too much?

In reality, she ain't seen shit. Though, with Meyer goggles firmly in place...

The teacher comes to investigate why these two monsters aren't working, being the creep who, according to Meyer, fantasized about Bella, his underaged student, when she first moved to Forks, decides wemins can't science and assumes Edward did all the work.

Upon learning that Bella answered most of them, the teacher reevaluates his life and how, maybe, the female population aren't as dumb as he thought and thus deserve to be more than masturbation fodder for him.

Or Bella can just admit she already did this assignment in her much better, city-based school she went to before, thus helping to undermine her contribution as well as her intelligence.

Neither make Meyer look particularly good because, even if she didn't write the teacher lusting after his students into the text, she did reveal it elsewhere and thus can be argued to be canon.

Also: Banner calls Bella 'Isabella' but he doesn't have the excuse of fleeing the country for a week. Does he never do roll call? Has she never corrected him in that week? Has he completely missed her signing her work with 'Bella'?

Truly, the most mysterious thing that has happened so far.

Anyway, Banner is shocked that Bella's already did the assignment because he pulled it from a senior class...

So... did he not actually tell them what to look for? No chapter to read, no diagrams drawn/projected on the board? He just... pulled out some slides, told them words they might not have even covered, then set them to it?

What a fucking asshole.

Also, googling it I can find lessons on mitosis going back to Middle School.

At this rate the art teacher will be shocked that Bella can draw a triangle.

Also:

She was advanced, then, intelligent for a human. This did not surprise me.

Fuck you.

Banner walks off, muttering to himself about kids these days, not instinctively knowing science because he sure as fuck isn't going to teach it to them.

Edward is ashamed of his 'slips' in the past thirty minutes and is still completely sure that Bella is not only terrified of him but suspects something. He's determined to leave a good impression on her because... gaslighting.

Edward tries some small talk he heard the hoomans around them doing (because after 17 years of BEING human and several decades of pretending to be human, he still has no idea how to human).

He brings up the snow melting and how that sucks, huh?

She stares into his mind and rips every memory, thought, hope, and dream he's ever had and sends the shreds into the void where they belong.

Her reaction of 'Not really' sends him for a loop. Thankfully, he's a vampire which makes him so much smarter than everyone else in existence and he puts together that she's probably from a much warmer place (because her albino skin still seems somehow tanned to him) and thus must hate all this cold weather!

He announces his revelation: “You don't like the cold.”

She agrees and tacks on that she doesn't like the wet either.

Edward's reaction is fucking hilarious:

“Forks must be a difficult place for you to live.” Perhaps you should not have come here, I wanted to add. Perhaps you should go back where you belong.

That was nice, wasn't it? But now we get this:

I wasn’t sure I wanted that, though. I would always remember the scent of her blood—was there any guarantee that I wouldn’t eventually follow her? Besides, if she left, her mind would forever remain a mystery, a constant, nagging puzzle.

But, remember, he's not going to obsess over her just because he can't read her mind.

What I think Meyer is trying to do is create tension via internal conflict but this... isn't how you do that. Not well anyway. All she's done is have Edward mentally contradict himself over and over again. To do this properly, I feel, he should mentally say he's not going to do thing but actually, physically, catching himself doing it.

He can claim he doesn't want to know about Bella's thoughts then try and sneak a peek at her notebook to see what she's written just in case it's not notes.

That's a little bit better than this flip-flopping we got going on now. Not much, but better.

Back to this slop:

Bella shows Edward how Not Like Other Girls she is because she never answers how Edward expects! Because, as we've seen, Edward is just a master of human behavior.

He 'demands' to know why Bella moved here if she hates Forks so much but realizes he probably sounded very rude and impolite.

Fuck off Meyer. I know what you're trying to do but all the 'Oh, that was so rude!' doesn't make this asshole a gentleman.

Bella gives him the 'It's complicated' not answer and Edward 'implodes out of curiosity'. Surely it'd be implodes with curiosity? Or was Meyer trying to be clever and switch around implode/explode without thinking about the meaning?

WORDS MEAN THINGS

But Edward's 'curiosity' overpowers his thirst for a moment and all I can think of is:

Edward assures her he can keep up, mentally rejoicing that she's answering his questions and that, despite it being 'rude', if he keeps asking she just may keep answering!

Edward has just figured out how conversation works. It only took him a century to do it.

She doesn't answer him immediately, instead staring down at her hands. He wants to see into her void-eyes, longing to be reduced to nothingness, to feel freedom from this existence and the prison that is sanity, but he can't risk reaching out to touch her.

She suddenly looks up to meet his eyes. Why suddenly? I think she just remembered she existed and someone asked her a question.

She tells him, sorrowfully, that her mother got remarried.

“That doesn’t sound so complex,” I said, my voice gentle without my working to make it that way. Her dejection left me oddly helpless, wishing there was something I could do to make her feel better. A strange impulse.

Does anyone even use dejected anymore? Or at least not at the intensity that it used to be? Because when I hear dejected, I just think of the 'aw man, I didn't get the lead role in the school play!' kind of sad.

Also, kinda pointless because we know the reason for Bella's 'dejection', is because she just really hates the rain and mocking her father's lack of a love life or relationship with his only child gets old quick.

He asks if Bella doesn't like her new stepdad but Bella corrects him because she actually does like him. Which completely ruins whatever fantasy Edward was concocting in his head that we don't get to read in this first person narrative, it probably was going along the lines of this little tidbit of information:

Originally, Phil the Stepdad was the principal of her high school and there may or may not have been sexual abuse between him and Bella... thankfully, Meyer's editor told her to cut that shit out. I get the feeling Meyer read/heard of Lolita and thought it was a romance.

They talk about Phil some more, Bella smiling every time he's mentioned which is really making me uncomfortable considering the aforementioned information.

Edward is desperately trying to figure out who Phil is by mentally going over not only the professional ballplayer's rosters but the minor leagues as well. Because, as we know, Edward is a huge baseball fan. I mean, all the times he went on and on about his love of baseball in Twilight. That little story about he's the one who was enough of a nerd to get the family baseball jerseys? So endearing.

Too bad it never happened.

Characterization? In Twilight?

He makes the assumption, which he admits is an assumption, that Bella was sent off so her mother could go travel. Bella objects, saying she sent herself. Edward, master human impersonator, doesn't understand why she's upset by his assumption that she's treated as a piece of property to be sent off at the first sign of inconvenience. That's how women are still treated, right?

“No, she did not send me here,” she said, and her voice had a new, hard edge to it. My assumption had upset her, though I couldn’t quite see how. “I sent myself.” I could not guess at her meaning, or the source behind her pique. I was entirely lost.

Oh, fuck no...

There was just no making sense of the girl. She wasn’t like other humans. Maybe the silence of her thoughts and the perfume of her scent were not the only unusual things about her.

It's going to get worse from here. I've been dreading this part.

There's still so many pages in this chapter i'm gonna die

Edward admits he doesn't get it because he's a dumbass so Bella stares deep into his eyes and decides his consciousness isn't worth the dignity of being torn asunder and tells it to him like he's a damn child.

“She stayed with me at first, but she missed him,” Bella explained slowly, her tone growing more forlorn with each word. “It made her unhappy… so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie.”

“And he has like, pictures of me as a child on the fireplace mantel. Like, how fucking sad is that?”

Edward tells us he keeps saying his theories out loud... like we haven't noticed. Because Meyer has to pad this bitch out somehow and we already know this scene because she's written the same book three times.

Okay, everybody! Who's ready to get pissed off?!

“But now you’re unhappy,” I murmured. I kept speaking my hypotheses aloud, hoping to learn from her refutations. This one, however, did not seem as far off the mark. “And?” she said, as if this was not even an aspect to be considered. I continued to stare into her eyes, feeling that I’d finally gotten my first real glimpse into her soul. I saw in that one word where she ranked herself among her own priorities. Unlike most humans, her own needs were far down the list. She was selfless.

Bella is to selfless as wet is to fire.

I could go on and on with examples but I'm assuming you guys have read Twilight or at least snarks of it. You know everything I could say and more.

Let's just... let's just move on...

Edward says that doesn't sound fair and Bella informs him life isn't fair... Though we know Bella just doesn't like Forks and would throw tantrum after tantrum, ruining the few visits she had with her father growing up until he had to take time off work and spend money he probably didn't have to rent them a place in California for their visits. But sure, she's selfless.

To be honest, I'm not even sure why she said she'd come to Forks. She doesn't like her father so it definitely wasn't to spend time with him. Her mother's a teacher so maybe she didn't want Bella missing school by coming with them even though home school is a thing.

Let's face it, Meyer just needed an excuse to get Bella to Forks.

I was not ready to let this conversation end. The little v between her eyes, a remnant of her sorrow, bothered me. “You put on a good show.” I spoke slowly, still considering this next hypothesis. “But I’d be willing to bet that you’re suffering more than you let anyone see.” She made a face, her eyes narrowing and her mouth twisting into a lopsided frown, and she looked back toward the front of the class. She didn’t like it when I guessed right. She wasn’t the average martyr—she didn’t want an audience for her pain.

What fucking pain? Being slightly damp? Did Charlie forget to get her a pony to go along with the free truck?

Also: what the fuck is a lopsided frown?

Also Also: Fuck off

Edward gloats that he's right and Bella asks why he cares. He completely loses the ability of internal monologue and whispers dramatically: “That's a very good question...”

He wonders, once again, why Bella's thoughts matter so much to him when every other human's thoughts are so completely and utterly insignificant because Humans suck the biggest balls ever.

Also:

I was not used to being the less intuitive of any pairing. I relied on my extra hearing too much—I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for.

He thinks he's intuitive... because he can hear thoughts. That's the equivalent of someone just outright telling him what they're thinking. That's not what intuitive means, Meyer!

WORDS FUCKING MEAN THINGS

Is it wrong of me to hope she has Spooky Mormon Hell Dreams?

One musical break later:

Edward is inexplicably amused by the whole situation because Bella's frustrated that he didn't answer her one question that... people usually don't answer... at least not with a real answer. He's finds it funny that she's annoyed when he could easily kill her if he loses focus for even a second and she doesn't even realize it.

He's probably thinking of that Whoopi Goldberg gif and cackling to himself.

Hilarious.

To be even more of a dick, Edward asks if he's annoying her. She confesses that she's annoyed at herself for being so easy to read which amazes him. You get it? Because he can't literally read her thoughts! Because that is literally the only way someone can understand another person. Body language, inflection, and a general understanding of actual human behavior is all fake news.

Edward takes a breather to remind us he isn't alive so using the word 'life' is misleading only he does it in a way that sounds like a whiny emo teen who thinks dressing all in black makes them deep.

Also, this conversation makes no sense.

“Not exactly,” she told me. “I’m more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read—my mother always calls me her open book.”

“On the contrary,” I disagreed, feeling strangely… wary, as if there were some hidden danger here that I was failing to see. Beyond the very obvious danger, something more… I was suddenly on edge, the premonition making me anxious. “I find you very difficult to read.”

“You must be a good reader, then,” she guessed, making her own assumption, which was, again, right on target. “Usually,” I agreed.

I'm sorry, what?

“I'm so easy to read!” “I can't read you.” “You must be a good reader then!”

“I'm an okay painter.” “I can't paint at all.” “Your paints must be amazing then!”

“I can sing the alphabet!” “I'm illiterate.” “You must be an amazing writer then!”

“I'm American.” “I'm from London.” “You must be the Queen of England then!”

Okay, I'm going to stop because that is a rabbit hole if I ever saw one.

But don't worry! The stupid isn't over yet!

Her body was closer to me than before, having shifted unconsciously in the course of our conversation. All the little markers and signs that were sufficient to scare off the rest of humanity did not seem to be working on her. Why did she not cringe away from me in terror? Surely she had seen enough of my darker side to realize the danger.

Also, since I had to use a HP gif: Fuck JK Rowling and the transphobic wagon she rode in on.

Edward goes on for almost an entire page about how he shouldn't get obsessed with Bella while obsessing over Bella. He knows he should stay away from her but he wants to know everything about her but also he wants to eat her but no, he can't! But he finds her so fascinating but he can't allow himself to find her fascinating because then he'll surely kill her!

We get it, Edward, you find her fascinating (because of the void) but being close is dangerous for her. You don't have to use a whole page to repeat yourself over and over again.

Much like the first meeting between them, he runs from the room first chance he gets.

I'm hoping that these last few pages will be easier now that Meyer doesn't have to force the narrative to fit with the dumpster fire that was Twilight. I don't think I can take much more of the 'Bella is amazing!' forced-feeding that was going on.

He takes a deep breath and:

Again, I gasped at the clean, wet air outside as though it was a healing attar.

Someone bitchslap the thesaurus out of her hands.

Emmett is waiting for Edward outside their next class. He tells him that Alice ditched the last half of her class, heading toward the science department. Edward hadn't realized how close he was to killing Bella... evidently.

Emmett reassures him that it turned out fine and he succeeded in not killing anyone...

Or maybe you kill her. He shrugged. You wouldn’t be the first one to mess up. No one would judge you too harshly. Sometimes a person just smells too good. I’m impressed you’ve lasted this long.

Enjoy this helping of victim blaming. It's not Emmett's fault he murdered that grandmother! She shouldn't have smelled so good!

Edward claims he's disgusted by Emmett's acceptance of Bella's 'inevitable' death and, because Emmett is also an asshole, vividly starts remembering the time he killed that one lady.

Also:

Emmett remembered the smell of apples hanging heavy in the air—the harvest was over and the rejected fruits were scattered on the ground, the bruises in their skin leaking their fragrance out in thick clouds.

In Emmett's defense:

I know. I didn’t last half a second. I didn’t even think about resisting.

Oh, wait, that's not a defense.

But remember guys! The Cullens are just so good and love humans and don't want to participate in that life of violence and blah blah blah...

The memory causes Edward to run out of Spanish... where the teacher seems to only speak Spanish which... I don't see how that helps someone else to learn Spanish but then again, Forks High School seems to have a 'throw them in the lake and let them figure out how to swim' approach to learning.

Emmett follows after and apologizes for bringing up the memory but also starts to say Edward should just get his murder on because Bella should know better than to smell so good. She's totally asking for it, amirite?

He sends Emmett away and goes to mope in his car. Again. At least he's more productive this time! He gets a head start on stalking Bella, reading the thoughts of everyone in the school to keep tabs on her.

He listens into Mike's thoughts but since Mike is reassuring himself that Bella doesn't seem to like Edward, Edward pouts and turns on some My Chemical Romance or something until school lets out.

Apparently some outside force compels him to get out of his car and lean against it in that particularly douchey way while waiting for Bella to come out of the school. She randomly appears with no lead up, walking to her truck with a frown on her face.

He watches her get in the truck and hold her hands out toward the heating vents and concludes she must not like the cold. You see, the only reason someone who just told you they don't like the cold would use the heater to warm up after being in the cold is because they don't like being cold!

Bella throws the truck in reverse, almost killing a girl by almost ramming into her car. Bella, fully aware of what she almost did, carefully checks her blind spots twice before cautiously leaving.

Edward laughs because Bella thinks she's dangerous after most causing a serious traffic accident. Oh, how adorable.

In case you forgot: Edward is an asshole.

And that's the end of the chapter!

And I was right, the last few pages was much easier to get through. I think, going forward, I'm going to have to cut some of these chapters into sections, especially the Twilight Recap heavy ones. It's just too hard for me to get through those quickly.

Anyway, I'm going to take a much needed break and continue my Friday the 13th marathon.

Save me, Tommy Jarvis, you're my only ho.

((EDIT: All future book reviews/snarks will be posted to my tumblr.))

[happyorogeny]

10 Niche Interests

Thank you for the tag @onceihadadream !

In no particular order:

1: Animal Behaviour. Why do they do what they do? How do their thoughts work? Their feelings? There’s a whole world full of mysterious creatures with minds and thoughts that are inherently very difficult for me, a human, to understand. That’s so neat.

2: History and context of clothing. Sumputary laws throughout history are super interesting. What fabrics and dyes were common where, how people flexed on one another clothing wise.

3: Snowball Earth: Ice all over everything. Absolute madness.

4: Components of flavour. I don’t really have a great name for this one, but its basically trying to figure out the building blocks of taste, what things complement one another and why. Why is lemon and honey and tomato good together? All those things are acidic. It makes no sense. Compels me though.

5: Homebrewing. This is a recent one. I brew mead. I am attempting a cider at the minute and My God, it smelled like rhino farts for a bit. Mead behaves itself. It just sits there, smells like acetone for a bit, and then surprises you a few weeks later by being drinkable. I respect mead and mead respects me.

6: The Mitochondrial Eve. An old one, recently reawakened by a mention of the idea in the Temtem game. This refers to the matrilineal most common recent ancestor of all humans. From Wikipedia: “she is defined as the most recent woman from whom all living humans descend in an unbroken line purely through their mothers and through the mothers of those mothers, back until all lines converge on one woman.” 

7: Chickens. I want at least two chickens someday.

8: Drow: Of DnD fame. Why? I can’t possibly begin to tell you. I just think they’re neat.

9: The Eldritch nature of the natural world: Mushrooms give me existential dread and Fungi shouldn’t all be one group. Echinoderms have seen the face of god, and if they had enough central nervous system to process emotion they would have been disappointed. What the fuck even is plant genetics. Beetles deserve more respect and quite possibly hold the fabric of reality together. Octopus are aliens or the remnants of inter dimensional gods, it’s the only thing that explains their weird Hox genes. Humans are a weird, jury-rigged abomination of a fish. How the Fuck is all of this still ticking along?

10: My writing. A little cheeky, perhaps, but it is my largest hobby and a source of much mental enrichment.

Tagging: @writeanapocalae @violetcancerian @veresiine and anyone else who’d like to take part :)

[acnewperspectives]

Technical Difficulties and Fashion Don’ts, Part 2

We last left off on main street rocking our striking new look. Since we’re still up on main street we might as well swing by and get that house estimate from Nook.

I forgot how low that was, seriously. We should totally be able to pay this off by the end of the day. Then we can have a new house by tomorrow.

Time to earn a bit of cash. I picked up some fish from the river and got a new one to donate.

It looks like Portia and Barold keep literally running into each other but for some reason they aren’t initiating any conversations...That’s gotta be awkward.

I popped in to check on our perfect peach tree and it seems to be growing just fine. I don’t know if you need to water saplings but as soon as I get a watering can I should probably try to water it.

Well, I think we’ve kept Isabelle waiting long enough. we should probably go ahead and make our way to the Town Hall.

Yep this is what I figured it was. I need to do that town satisfaction thing right?

Oh. Well then. I guess it’s gonna be a day or so until we can get that started. I forgot that was part of it.

Why is approval that low?? I mean I know I’m new but that’s just kind of insulting. Maybe Barold noticed how I can’t stop staring at his massiv- I mean marvelous lips. But really, Who could?

I don’t remember what you have to do to improve town approval. I think it might just be a thing where you have to actually play for a few days to build up? Hm. This might take longer than I thought.

Well the first order of business is to pay off that down payment for the house. Time to take some items over to the Museum and see if we have any duplicates we can sell.

That is one large detriment to New Leaf. Blathers is boring now. People used to skip all of his dialogue and complain that it was too long and boring, but now it really is pointless and boring. I mean wouldn’t you prefer to have a unique set of dialogue responses that explain some neat key features about the fish you’re donating instead of just....that stock phrase repeated for every item? I know I do. and I miss the old Blathers that actually used to blather about cool things. I hope they bring some of that back in New Horizons.

Oh it looks like we have a duplicate fossil! Those are always good money makers.

Let’s hurry and go cash in.

We’re so close. Really all I should need to do now is find the bell rock and we’ll have enough to pay off the down payment.

I found the bell rock a perfect distance away from a tree for me to wedge myself nicely between them. Didn’t have to dig any holes or anything. I did miss that last hit though.

The bell rock gave me a combined total of 16,000 bells. Quite a lot more than I was expecting. I knew it was easy to get money in New Leaf but I had forgotten it was this easy. I think the currency system works better when there’s a difficulty involved like the older games.

Also found a mineral rock during my hunt for the bell rock.

And just like that our down payment is payed off. We should awake to a brand new house in the morning.

On my way back down I decided to roll up the snowball I kept passing by. I hadn’t seen a second snowball all day though so I dunno if I can make another snowman.

Oh there it is.

I’m just gonna position this guy right next to his big bro over here.

Oh...uhh....that’s...not what I was expecting but okay.

I can’t wait to see this abomination tomorrow once this new one starts melting and they fuse into each other even more.

I managed to find two more villagers bumping into each other but not initiating conversation, so I hung around a bit to see, and they did decide to talk!

I had suspected that Barold was a lazy type but that definitely confirms it. I half expected Peggy to make fun of him but it seemed like a pretty amicable discussion. I guess I’m still used to the kind of arguments you could have in older games. In my old Wild World town Wart Jr basically bullied Stitches to tears and I was so mad.

I was starting to get kinda tired so before I wrap up the play session I figured I’d collect a few more things to donate.

I bet this big boy is a sea bass.

Yep.

After running over and selling the leftover duplicates I think it’s about time to head home and call it a day. I passed by the conjoined snowman twins but found they had glitched back into a normal placement.

That’s really disappointing.

Anyway that just about does it for today. Tomorrow we’ll have a new house and we can get started bumping that town approval rating up a little bit.

Final play session tally:

3 fossils donated.

4 fish donated.

10,000 bell house payment met.

17,050 bells in wallet.