#Honestly part of what makes physical intimacy with someone you really love so meaningful to me is that it's NOT this magical wonderful

[prolibytherium]

I don't know if it's just a me thing but I don't like + cannot relate to so much romantic writing because the typical flowery descriptions of physical intimacy as this beautiful magical transformative experience are so far removed from how it feels for me

Like it's not even that I don't like that stuff but more that I'm always extremely aware of the very mundane physical aspects. I'm like 'damn this tongue is slimy and this tastes weird. Awesome'

[analy-sing-stuff]

HI SO THE SUMMER HIKARU DIED IS ONE OF THE GREATEST MANGAS I'VE RED THIS YEAR, I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER :D

I wanted to yap a bit about how i think it's pretty much important seeing it also as a BL and how so many people are misunderstanding the beautiful relationship between Yoshiki and Hikaru but specially 'Hikaru', who he later on falls deeply in love, HEAR ME OUT OK?

🍉 This contain spoilers 🍉

In one of the first scenes of this series, we can understand perfectly what's happening to both of the main characters. Hikaru is gone, and Yoshiki has to deal with his loss even tho his friend is still there, but oops 😬 it's not really him. It's some kind of weird monster he has never heard before. It's clear that Yoshiki's mental health is taking a deep dive, NOT ONLY because he saw the corpse of his dead friend and has to live with whatever this identity is, but because apparently, Hikaru had a strong impact in his life, considering the divorce of his parents and the feeling of loneliness he felt for being "diferent" (queer in a small town). It's somehow acceptable that whatever he felt about his dead best friend is insignificant in this situation, 'cause no matter what he did, accepting reality meant losing Hikaru forever, and he decides that it's such a ubereable feeling that he wants, no he NEEDS this Hikaru around.

In conclusion, Yoshiki has to deal with grief, the loneliness of the bigotry, the loss of his childhood and the acceptance of his trauma and issues.

And 'Hikaru' is now free. He could destroy most of the village and the people living on it; but he decides he won't, because he loves, OH he loves Yoshiki. To the point He gives part of himself to this boy just to make sure he's safe. It makes sense the original Hikaru had this feelings burried inside him already but it's also clear to me that this thing, this monster experiences feelings for the first time and he can't help but feel everything in a way more intense level. So Basically, his undying love for Yoshiki is the chain keeping him on the ground when he should be this destruction and murder machine.

Do i believe 'Hikaru' and Yoshiki could be lovers?

Absolutely.

Everything on this manga is ahead of what we see, for example, when Hikaru loses his control all of sudden and turns back to his real form

Have you ever felt something so fiercely you felt like pouring your soul, or screaming off the top of your lungs?

Well, the monster revealing himself is a way to let clear how much 'Hikaru' (or rather just queer people) repress their own feelings to "fit in".

It's very meaningful how 'Hikaru' is so open and expressive (especially in a physical way) about how he feels and who he is, and Yoshiki is more of a "quiet gloomy boy" who has the deep desire of hiding himself for who he is truly (the way he keeps his bangs long is probably a manifestation of hiding away, which really makes sense)

So, yeah, Hikaru dying and coming back is this big allegory of how once you're becoming who you really truly are, and bigotry is all around, people are gonna notice something is wrong and when you come out, suddenly you are a monster.

The "old lady" interacting with both of them and specially saying to Yoshiki to "be careful not to get mixed up with him" as if it was, maybe, some kind of disease is craazy, because out of context it really matches well all of the big metaphor of "being queer in secret at a small traditional village".

Also! I wanted to point the BIGGEST allegory in this whole series.

The "Hand in the hole"

I've even seen people compare it to abuse, which honestly seems to me not only untrue, but, as someone with het comp, kind of offensive?

But yeah, that's definitely a metaphor for gay sex or at least same sex intimacy.

The catch is, Yoshiki does seem uncomfortable because, like the insides of a monster, same sex relationships are "unnatural". It gets really easy figuring out he actually likes the feeling of being one with 'Hikaru' since the second time he does it, he keeps telling himself how wrong it is, how he shouldn't be doing it, and then he forgets it, because he likes it. It feels good; However, once it starts "sticking to him" (obvious alegory for feeling guilty or dirty, like he sinned) He gets scared and runs away.

I feel that, at first Yoshiki mourns Hikaru, he Mourns their old relationship of a comfortable friendship and he doesn't understand why did his best friend had to die and become a monster, something so weird, so unnatural; but later on, they learn to accept themselves for who they are, even if they feel different in their own ways and come to terms of accepting the unconditional love they feel for eachother.

ANYWAYS, I LOVE THEM THEY LOVE EACHOTHER, IT'S UNHEALTHY, IT'S DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL

I hope everything goes right for them, or else I'll have one more year of therapy over sad doomed yaoi 😞🩷

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

You always have such insightful posts! Thank you!

I was wondering what you thought the ten best golden wives episodes are and why

Oh, my goodness, thank you so much!! That's so sweet!! I’m really glad you enjoy reading my thoughts :)

And that's an... impossible question, oh my god. You might as well be asking me to count the stars in the sky 😂 Honestly, any episode could do -- their love for each other (whether you think it's platonic or romantic, whichever colour you want to give it) is just so woven in the way they talk, the way they move, the way they're affectionate with each other... I'm fairly sure that I could find at least one Golden Wives moment for every episode (with the possible exception of S2E26 Empty Nests, but I'm not willing to watch it again to find out).

That being said, there are some episodes that feature a specific focus on the relationship between the three of them. Through a lot of deliberation, I managed to narrow the list down to these, which you can count as my favourite 10 (in no particular order) -- under the cut, because of course I have a lot to say about them:

S1E5 The Triangle

An absolute banger. The fight between Blanche and Dorothy is harsh (they're both really hurt!!), but Rose gets to show off her abilities as she works to bring them back together (which is the literal expression she uses!!! she wants to 'get Dorothy and Blanche back together'!!!). And I mean -- that final reconciliatory hug?? The way Dorothy and Blanche look at each other?? Them yanking Rose into their hug??? Hello???? Wives behaviour????

S3E15 Dorothy's New Friend

I think my appreciation for this episode is renowned, at this point. Blanche and Rose working in tandem are adorable; I love that they do their best to warn Dorothy about Barbara, but they also try to get along with her, despite her treatment of them, because, well -- if Dorothy likes her, she can't be that bad, can she? And I love that, despite her anger and objections, Dorothy is really worried about the way Blanche and Rose feel! She says out loud that she values Barbara's friendship, and that's why she feels like she can ask her advice on someone as important to her as Blanche and Rose. Besides, I love the casual intimacy they throw in there! This is really a constant in the show, but it's so nice when it takes the spotlight like this. When speaking about Rose's masquerade ball, Blanche says: "Since when do we have to say we're going? We've gone for the past five years. We may hate it, but we always go." It's so obvious that they're going, because this is important to Rose, that they don't even have to say it. You get what I mean?

S6E12 Ebbtide's Revenge

Hear me out for a minute. This is, of course, an episode centered on Sophia and her grief for the death of her son, and it's excellent at that. But let's not forget that Phil was also Dorothy's "kid brother", and while her pain may take second stage (except for her beautiful, heartbreaking eulogy) while Sophia's is in the spotlight, it's still very obviously there. And what does she do to face the immense, unthinkable pain of losing a sibling? She turns to her wives, that's what. Rewatch this episode and pay attention to just how much Dorothy physically leans on Rose and Blanche, whether it's reaching for them, holding their hands, touching their arms and shoulders... Dorothy is always very physical with the two of them, but I feel like it's especially meaningful in this one. And, for their part, Blanche and Rose act exactly as two people with a grieving spouse would (or, at least, should) do; they support Dorothy (and Sophia) as best they can, they take care of practical things (like preparing snacks), they mostly stay out of the feud but they (especially Rose) try to offer another point of view when they think it's going to make a difference.

Also, this quote from Dorothy to Rose:

"Honey, you've been more than a help. I wouldn't have gotten through the past few days without you. I mean it."

Yeah.

S5E19 72 Hours

This is (unsurprisingly) one of my favourite episodes in the series, and it's especially good from a Golden Wives lens as well. I've been meaning to take a detailed look at this episode and examine Dorothy and Blanche's support of Rose, and how it shows a) how much they love her and b) how well they know her (which might actually be the same thing, now that I think about it). And Rose, of course, relies on them to an incredible degree; it takes her a little while, but eventually she allows herself to be openly angry and dejected, to lose her happy-go-lucky attitude with them, which is something she only does when she's at the end of her rope. And she's right to, because they hold her up. Look at what she says when she finally gets the good news:

"You guys were terrific. Thank you for being there for me. And thank you for making me feel you'd always be there for me, no matter what happened."

I could go on, but I'd like to make a post specifically on this episode as soon as I get the time (and some brain power...), so I'll postpone any additional observations for now.

S1E22 Job Hunting

This fills the same 'niche' as 72 Hours, in that it's an episode where Rose has a serious problem and Dorothy and Blanche give her the support (both practical and emotional) she needs to get out of it. It takes a spot of its own because it's REALLY heavy on the physical affection, even by Golden Girls standards. There's LOTS of hand/arm holding, hugging, laying next to each other in bed, sitting close, plus a cheek AND a forehead kiss. It's a delightful little gem.

S2E1 End Of The Curse

The whole mink business would be enough for me to consider putting this one on the list. Dorothy and Rose working together on a silly thing like this always warms my heart; they're a delight to watch. Of course, though, the reason why this is here is because of Blanche's situation. As always happens when one of the Girls has a problem, there's lots of physical and emotional support (Dorothy and Rose literally run after Blanche through the house to try and comfort her -- two times!!), but the real kicker is all the baby stuff!! I'm not a big fan of children, but it's impossible not to be endeared by Dorothy and Rose acting like proud moms ("the baby will have three mothers!") before the pregnancy is even confirmed, splitting up chores and bickering about the college he'll go to, while at the same time showing Blanche their unconditional support. And -- Blanche loves them for that, of course. She goes through a lot of emotional distress in this episode, but she comes out on top, and it's because of the Girls:

"It was you girls. Yes, you just let me carry on and be crazy and you were right there through it all. [...] You were caring and supportive and I wanna thank you for it -- I'm really lucky to have friends like you."

To be honest, I like her similar speech in the pilot just a bit better, but between the two this is the episode I prefer overall (if only because their characters are well settled at this point!).

S3E3 Bringing Up Baby

This is such a comfort episode for me. First of all, we get the whole raising a baby theme again (with both Rose and Blanche going from scared/unwilling to enthusiastic participants as soon as they figure out that they're going to raise the baby together!!). Dorothy and Blanche are all over each other, even more than usual -- they barely ever stop touching, like, hello?? Find a room, girls?? And Blanche's sheer glee at the thought of getting a Mercedes for all of them -- her "Don't you just love it? It's ours!" lives in my mind rent free!! And then, of course, the nose kiss. I melt out of sheer adorableness every time I watch this one. The kiss itself is super cute, but it's just the whole scene -- Blanche and Dorothy getting each other's intentions with a single look, the way Blanche smiles as she leans in and then boop's Rose's nose on top of the kiss, Rose immediately dissolving into giggles, Dorothy hugging them super tight, I love them so much oh my God 😭

S2E10 Love, Rose

Do I even have to explain this one? Blanche and Dorothy writing Rose letters? Love letters (as in explicitly romantic letters!!)? Complete with poetry? And they write them so convincingly that Rose gets the biggest crush on the author of the letters?

"It was so nice. It was so important to me that someone cared about me as much as the person who wrote those letters. It meant so much to have somebody like that in my life."

"You do, Rose, honey! You have us!"

"We're the ones who wrote those letters, Rose, and we meant every word."

Are you reading this?? Are you?? Oh my God?????

S7E4 That's For Me To Know

I adore this one and I'm not sure I can explain why in just a few lines, but I'll do my best. The way the Girls handle the major conflict of the episode (the threat that they can't all live together anymore) is so so sweet. They squabble, but they apologize and reconcile quickly; they 'vote' Dorothy out and are immediately heartbroken about it; Rose decides to sacrifice her happiness and move out herself, so the other Girls can keep living together, and she's so clearly devastated about it. I've already noted down Dorothy's speech a couple of times on my blog, but I just have to share it again, because it perfectly sums up the reason why this show works so well, imho:

"I'm afraid that no one's leaving. You see, we're a family here. Well, not the conventional one, but we love each other and [...] It's real love, Mr. Benson. It's an honest love. And, yes, we might have secrets that we stubbornly try to hide from each other [...] But we're a family nonetheless, and you can't break us up."

You see? You get why I go feral over this one? And then -- AND THEN -- Blanche decides to make them co-owners. I have no words to explain how monumental this is. This is the house she lived in with her beloved George for years, and she decides to sell part of it because she can't bear the thought of separating from her Girls. "That way you'll have equity and nobody can make you leave." It's the wonderfully poetic conclusion to the beginning of their journey; they met as landlady/renters, each alone in her own way, each hurting in her own way; here they become co-owners, equal and together, each a part of a single tight-knit unit. It's the closing of a circle. You get what I mean? Oh, I love this one so so much.

S7E23-24 Home Again, Rose

I cannot be coherent about this one. I cannot be coherent about this one. It's just. I should do a play by play of literally every second of this episode to explain why I love it so much. If I had to pick a favourite, it would be this one. It's the family of it all, the fear and then the desperation and then the joy, the casual expressions of love, it's Dorothy screaming and begging for help as soon as she realizes Rose really has fainted, it's Rose asking Kirsten to take care of the Girls while she's going under for open heart surgery, it's Blanche saying that's what house mortgages are for as if it's obvious, because to her, to them, it is. Of course they're going to help Rose with everything they have. Of course they’re going to take care of her, of course they wait for her in the hospital even if they can’t see her, of course they pray for her, of course they promise to freeze their heads for her, because they love her and she loves them. Love is stored in Rose, Blanche, and Dorothy holding each other's hands as if they’re keeping each other above water. If it’s not like that, then I don’t want it. (Coincidentally, this is also one of the best episodes when it comes to the bond between Sophia and the wives. The way she greets Rose with ‘Welcome back, baby!’ when she finally returns home lives in my mind rent-free.)

I need you to know that it took me a good couple of days to compile this list. I haven't stopped thinking about it ever since I read your ask. I wrote down about five different versions before settling on this one, and so, I think I've earned the right to mention some special runner-ups:

S1E25 The Way We Met: come on. The Great Herring War? One of the best scenes in the show -- and an incredible demonstration of chemistry from the Golden Wives.

S1E8 Break In / S4E20 High Anxiety / S5E1-2 Sick And Tired / S5E11 Ebb Tide / S6E9 Mrs George Devereaux: for when you need to scratch that hurt/comfort itch.

S3E21 Larceny And Old Lace / S4E4 Yokel Hero: I'm always a slut for the times when Dorothy and Blanche need to earn Rose's forgiveness (and get it immediately, because she can't stay mad at them).

S2E21 Dorothy's Prized Pupil / S5E23 The Mangiacavallo Curse Makes A Lousy Wedding Present / S5E24 All Bets Are Off / S7E19 Journey To The Center Of Attention: all super cute, involve a conflict and a beautiful resolution, great watches. They lose a couple of points in this context because you asked specifically about Golden Wives episodes, and these highlight a couple within the Girls (Rose/Blanche, Dorothy/Blanche, Dorothy/Rose, Dorothy/Blanche again).

Thank you so much for your ask -- answering it was hard, but I had a great time going through the episodes and picking the ones that stood out! If you'd like to share your top10, I'd love to read it :)

[tiptapricot]

I’ve been having a lot of Evil Robo BnT thoughts recently, so here’s a bunch of them! This ended up pretty long just as a forwarning djjdjd

Post DeNomolos, Evil BnT are forced to do a lot of self exploration and discovery

They’re two robots from the far future, stuck in the past with each other and the two humongously important historical figures they were not only sent back to kill, but also physically made to look and sound exactly like, with no way back to their own time and no further reason to carry out the mission they were created for

It’s a lot to adjust to

(Three uses of the f-slur near the end in a canon compliant/reclaimed usage context, and implied sexual content, but extremely mild)

It still doesn’t have much of an impact on them at first though, besides some anger and annoyance. They don’t feel emotions in the same way or to the same depth that humans do, so they kind of fall back on: this sucks and that guy was a dick, guess we have to live in the stupid past now, and that’s the extent of it

But they’re also AIs, and AIs learn and grow

They hide out in a cheap apartment for the first few months or so back, going out to steal money to pay for rent and to pick up movies and stuff, but it’s exposure to the world, it’s living. And the more they interact with people, the more media they consume, the more the rigid walls of their programming break down and expand

And that’s when things start getting complicated

Because that’s when things like morals, sense of self, purpose in life, and, to their horror, real emotions start coming into play

Their evil edges start corroding, things stop being as straightforward, and they start developing into their own complex people

Being Bill and Ted with a few glorified descriptors stuck on the front starts feeling… weird, especially when they inevitably end up running into them again and being around them more

Because they’re supposed to be Bill and Ted, but they aren’t, and yet they can’t completely deny the parts of themselves that are….. it’s frustrating

As a first step in both asserting and exploring their individuality, they choose their own names

Evil Bill chooses Willis, or Will for short, and Evil Ted goes with Theoneous, Theo for short

It’s different enough to feel like their own thing, while still appeasing the ingrained itch to take BnT’s place

There are gaps like that, a disconnect/mental dissonance between their consciousnesses and the knowledge that they’re robots, circuitboards and wires and code, like a separation between what they feel is them and what they feel is the robot

That’s an experience that continues as they grow, especially as they try and figure out what to do with their lives. It’s tough sometimes, to figure out where the programming ends and where their own wants and drives begin

They’re the only ones familiar enough with future tech to help each other when they experience technical issues or need repairs, and the only ones they feel comfortable being that physically vulnerable with

It leads to them being kind of codependent, but it’s warranted in a lot of ways

They also naturally stick closer to each other, because even though they grow to have emotions and are able to care about people, they aren’t totally mushy

They don’t get as upset about things, or as excited, and while they form their own kind of love for the people they end up caring about (without admitting it), they’re still never able to connect with humans in the same way they connect with each other

It’s this inherent wall, a difference in how they experience the world

Their forms of affection are machine based, just like how humans are human based. They’ll give each other cold packs when it’s hot or they’ve been moving a lot, they’ll do evening maintenance on each other, chatting while one of them has their hand in the other’s chest cavity, and they jump on each other or bang their shoulders together super hard, because they can’t feel a thing and they’re durable enough for it, and that’s fun to them

That doesn’t really carry over to human interaction though, and a lot of times they end up coming across as cold or mean

They generally have a rougher seeming relationship than most humans. There’s a lot of teasing and insults and slapping, which turns most people off from them, but that’s how they show they’re comfortable (it’s also how they show they don’t like people, but there’s a subtle and meaningful difference there, AKA that they won’t purposefully try to harm the former party)

Robots process sound differently too, for them it’s more of a physical experience than just listening

Will’s guilty pleasure is that he likes to listen to piano (secretly), especially Debussy and other classical that sounds similar. Something about it makes his circuitry feel good and fuzzy and calms him down

He doesn’t feel comfortable telling Theo about it, it still feels like a dumb pussweed thing to be into (plus it continues to make him have some most non metal thoughts about kissing and That’s DEFINITELY not something he can share)

They also both really like death metal. Though they were loosely programmed with the knowledge of BnT’s music taste, it’s not quite their style, and they lean towards the more intense stuff

They do that in most fields though, since it usually takes higher energy stuff to get them going/excited/into something

That’s why they roughhouse a lot, and mess things up, and drive recklessly, it forces their mechanics to process more things more quickly, and as a result gives them their own form of dopamine/adrenaline

Sometimes things backfire, they’ve fucked themselves up accidentally on more then one occasion when stuff goes too far or isn’t what they expect, but they’re always there to patch each other up

When their synth skin gets ripped or torn they don’t always bother to repair it, and underneath there’s a layer of see through hard plastic and their bodies look like those clear case electronics that were popular in the 90s (idea cred to @juiceboxfrog !)

They also have inspector gadget-like telescoping stretch arms at their wrist and ankle joints, but they don’t use those much because they’re unsettling to most humans. Definitely a leg up when they want to climb places the shouldn’t, though (idea cred to @showbiz-za !)

Theo is more prone to needing fix ups than Will, since the extra wiring that was installed for the time and space spanning camera DeNomolos gave him made him more susceptible to short circuiting, over heating, and other glitches

After awhile he just takes his left eye out and leaves it like that, keeping his hair in his face to cover it. It doesn’t do anything for the internal parts of it he still has, but it’s not like it’s a loss. The connection port kept sparking, and it was uncomfortable and kept fucking with his vision, so it wasn’t worth it

Plus he didn’t really like that it used to be a camera… or still could be

One of the things Will and Theo both have to get used to is actually valuing their own privacy and autonomy

When DeNomolos was around they were just his tools, tools that he didn’t even like

They honestly grow to resent him pretty fast, both with his treatment of them, and, when their emotions are especially out of control, his creation of them

They don’t talk about it much, or when they do it’s mainly anger, not addressing or showing the more raw parts they do feel, because that’s still foreign to them, and their circuits weren’t designed to process or understand more complex stuff

Complex stuff like how being around Ted more makes Theo develop a certain… insecurity

It’s not like the connections are hard to make: he looks like Ted, he sounds like Ted, he was meant to be Ted, Ted has a dickweed of a dad, and Theo had a dickweed of a creator, Ted has Bill and Theo has Will

But Theo doesn’t have Deacon

And while he doesn’t want to be exactly like Ted, part of him also does (it was made to). Part of him wants to be human, to have those natural connections and someone to watch over

But he doesn’t and it’s weird*

He tries to ignore it, chalks it up to his drive still attempting to put him on his original track of replacing Ted, and therefore making him more aware of the family roles Ted has

For all he knows that is what it is, he’s just a robot after all

Even though they aren’t really ones for mushy love, Will and Theo do love each other

You can’t not when you know the other person inside and out, literally

They joke a lot about that when they’re doing repairs (“Dude you’re holding my heart, pretty faggy of you.”), and though they laugh, there’s an unspoken intimacy to it, something that sits warm in their wires and goes beyond platonic; something (though they would never describe it as such) loving about getting to take care of each other, and getting to get taken care of

The jokes also stop being jokes after awhile and take on a charge, morphing into unofficial flirting

Eventually that charge sparks, and their relationship becomes a different kind of physical. That’s new, too, a type of exploration neither of them are familiar with, but it’s nice, it’s good, and it’s easier to write off as casual and not meaningful than anything else (for the record I do think this works/plays out different for them than it does for humans, but I will nOt get into that here or anywhere lmao)

That arrangement doesn’t last forever, though, because one night Theo has a bad malfunction that cause him to completely power down, and it sends Will into a panic

It takes him almost an hour to fix the problem and for Theo to reboot, and when he comes back Will can’t stop touching him and checking in and it’s weird

“Why are you so worked up dude, this’s happened plenty of times.”

“Yeah I know you just… you fritzed out and went limp and it freaked me out dude.”

“So? You know this is nothing to worry about. I don’t get why you’re kinda acting like such a pussweed dude.”

“I didn’t know what was wrong! That’s plenty of reason to be fucking worried!”

“Not for you! Not for us! Why the hell do you care so much this time?”

“Because I love you, asshole!”

And then there’s silence, and staring, and then Theo cracks a smile

“Heh, fag.”

Kissing after a confession, as it turns out, makes both of them short circuit, and they wake up three days later still tangled up on top of each other, half falling off the apartment couch

“Y’know… I think we’re both fags now dude,” Will whispers, and they chuckle in the space between their mouths. “I did it first though.”

*he does get this later with Billie and Thea, but that’s a whole separate post

(As one last thing wanted to add that Love Came Along by Pansy Division perfectly encapsulates the vibes of Will n Theo’s relationship to me, AKA something casual and almost humorous while still being super intimate and emotional, so def check it out if you’re ok with suuuuper explicitly sexual lyrics bfgjgfdfg)

Headcanons masterpost

[casuallyimagining]

Mutual Feelings

Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Jungkook is nervous because you haven’t told him you love him; you have an important question for him. Genre: fluff Notes: Part of the Long Term Couples series.  Read more here

If, last year, someone had asked Jungkook if he was cool with being in a relationship with someone who seemed physically resistant to saying the words ‘I love you’ in a meaningful way, he would have said absolutely not. Jungkook’s a patient man, but even he has limits. He likes to feel solid in his relationships, likes to not have any questions left on the table. He thinks he’s an open book, and he likes his partners to be the same way.

When he let those three words slip out not even a month into your relationship, he had mentally kicked himself. He had thought it was too soon, but he was trying to reassure you and they had tumbled out of his fat mouth before he could stop them. As it turned out, he hadn’t stopped saying them since.

You, on the other hand, had somehow gone from the cheerful ‘I love you’s whispered between friends to not saying it at all, not even after he had said it, and not ever since. He had grown so used to them during your six years of friendship that going six months without felt a little empty.

You weren’t ready. It was a big step for you, and he understood. He just wished he knew if there was any way for him to help you want to take that step. That, coupled with the fact that intimacy beyond kissing was off the table meant that Jungkook was more unsure in this relationship than he had ever been before.

This was all so new. He’d had girlfriends in the past, but in the years of knowing you, he’d never heard you talk about anyone significant in your life. He wasn’t sure if you’d never dated anyone, or if you’d never dated anyone that mattered, but at this point, he wasn’t sure that was important. Your friendship meant the world to him–you meant the world to him–and he was just so worried about losing that.

So he was second guessing himself constantly. Was he wrong to tell you he loved you so soon? Did he make a mistake in assuming you would want to see him both at work and at home every day? Had he been too forward when he drunkenly asked you out? Not forward enough the next day when you confronted him about it? Did he make enough time for you? Was he letting you know how he felt often enough, or was he smothering you?

Jungkook had thought that he had known you so well back when you were still just friends, but now… he had trouble reading you. He supposed that it was because you wouldn’t outright tell him how you felt.

Although, it wasn’t like you didn’t love him. Hearing the words would be nice, but the fact that you didn’t say them didn’t mean you didn’t feel them. And Jungkook definitely felt loved.

He felt it when he pushed himself too hard at rehearsals and performances. Not only were you there to take care of him, you scolded him for not taking care of himself. He knew you appreciated his work ethic and dedication, but the fact that you could hold an ice pack to his neck, pet his hair, and yell at him all at the same time honestly made his heart swell.

And he felt it when he screwed up his heel in London. You were there, distracting him from the pain before the concert, and helping pick him up when it was over. He had been devastated to not be able to perform, to be confined to a chair on stage, but having you dote on him afterwards almost made it better. And while you weren’t dating at the time, Jungkook knew that you wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing again, since every time there was even the threat of an injury, you were at his side.

It was there when he had showed up on your doorstep with a dog and you had just gone with it. He had rightfully expected some pushback, but he hadn’t quite expected just how quickly you had agreed. He prepared a speech! He had rehearsed that speech the whole way from the pet store to your apartment! But he loved that you trusted him enough to take in his dog, he loved that you were comfortable enough around him to be spontaneous like that, and he loved that, even in just the couple weeks that you had Kimchi, you had fallen in love with the puppy. He may have paid the adoption fees, but you both knew that Kimchi had quickly become your dog.

He felt it when you jumped to defend him, like his own personal knight in shining armor, fighting for his honor. It didn’t matter if it was something you saw on Twitter, one of the other guys, or even himself–you got heated about it all the same. You had a secret account on almost every social platform just to yell at people on his behalf. You would playfully scold the guys when their teasing got a little too intense. And you always stopped him when he got too down on himself. In fact, you had been the one to first introduce him to the “you shouldn’t be mean to my best friend” rebuke.

He even felt it in how fiercely competitive you could be. Jungkook loved that you could go from defending him in one breath to threatening to smother him in his sleep in the next. He had gotten you into Overwatch, and he had expanded his gaming repertoire based on your tastes, and honestly he was never happier than he was curled up in bed playing video games with you, and at this point, he was convinced that you felt the same.

It was there in the late night texts you sent him when the two of you spent the night apart, and in the early morning phone calls he received the following morning. It didn’t matter if the two of you were in different timezones, you always texted him goodnight. And while he might not always be awake enough to respond, he had started looking forward to those short messages. And then the next morning, he was always happy to answer the phone when you called, even if you woke him up with the call. There was something about your cheerful ‘good morning!,’ especially if he knew it was three in the afternoon for you.

So while he definitely would prefer to hear you say it, Jungkook supposed that he could wait a little longer, because your actions spoke louder than any words.

He thought about this as he worked, the task of washing that night’s dinner dishes mindless enough that he could safely let his mind wander without risking too much. You, too, were in your own little world, drying the dishes and bopping around to the music blasting out of the little bluetooth speaker you kept in your kitchen.

Dinner had been tense that night. Not because anything was particularly wrong–or, at least, Jungkook didn’t know of anything that was wrong–just because you seemed incredibly nervous, and he wasn’t sure why. But the entire time you helped him cook and while the two of you were sitting in front of the tv watching YouTube videos and eating, he could feel the nervous energy rolling off you. He wanted to ask, but every time it crossed his mind, it didn’t seem like a good time.

The song changed, Jungkook smiled at the opening notes to “My Time” wafting out of the speaker. He loved that you loved his music. You grabbed the wet skillet off the counter as you started to hum along, and he watched you out of the corner of his eye. Once it was dry, you placed the skillet on your stove–you used it for everything, so he supposed you never saw the need to properly put it away.

You continued to hum as he let the water out of the sink, the dishes finally complete. With a sigh, you tossed your towel down on the counter and leaned against the cabinets below, watching him rinse the last of the bubbles down the drain.

“So I’ve been thinking.” Jungkook noted the hint of nerves in your voice. “And, I mean, you’re totally allowed to say no to this, I just figured I’d ask-”

“Babe. Breathe,” he joked, flicking some water off his hands in your direction. You giggled, leaning away slightly from his attack. He placed a hand on your hip, tugging slightly and pulling you closer. His other arm snaked around your waist as soon as you were close enough, holding you loosely against his body.

“I was wondering,” you started again, placing your hands on his chest and playing with the soft fabric of his t-shirt. “If maybe you wanted to move in?”

Jungkook could feel his heart start to pound in his chest. He was sure that you could feel it, being as close as you were. Was this what you were nervous about earlier?

“I mean, you’re over here most of the time, anyway. And Kimchi’s here.” You glanced at the brown and tan dog napping under your breakfast nook. “I know the dorm’s convenient, so if you want to leave some stuff there, that’s fine. But I wanted to offer.”

He couldn’t help the goofy smile spreading across his face. Honestly, Jungkook hadn’t expected your relationship to move this far this quickly. But he wasn’t complaining. At this point, a good majority of his clothes were at your apartment–he still had the bag tucked into your closet, but he had also lost count of the number of hoodies and sweatpants and t-shirts he had left here that he just hadn’t bothered to take back to the dorm. His laptop was here, his PS4 was here, his dog was here, you were here, and really, that’s all he needed.

“Sure.” He nodded, his eyes meeting yours. You looked happy, which only made his smile grow. He could feel his face start to heat up, and for a second, he felt like a teenager again, confronted by his noona crush. It was weird–and a little fitting considering the song that was still playing–for him to realize that he had never had that experience in school. “I would like that a lot.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook nodded, his hand covering yours on his chest. “We’re going to need new furniture.” Your eyes sparkled as you said it, and he couldn’t tell if you were joking.

“Please tell me you didn’t just ask me to move in so you had an excuse to get a new couch.”

You hummed, one of your hands tangling in the long hair at the back of his neck. You smiled at him–it was innocent enough, but he could see mischief in it, too. “Not at all.” Your lips brushed against his softly. “But if we could celebrate the occasion with a new couch, who am I to argue?”

Jungkook laughed and buried his face in the crook of your neck. He felt it then, too, standing there in your kitchen, your arms wrapped tightly around him. You didn’t need to say it, not yet at least. He knew.

You loved him. And the feeling was absolutely mutual.

Read more of the series here

[i-want-it-on-fire]

Everyone jokes about Elias and Peter and all the reasons they get divorced over and over again over the course of their very long lifespans, and those jokes are hilarious, but it begs the question: if there are so many reasons (extremely petty ones, too) for them to break up, what reasons could they possibly have to get back together? And honestly I find the answer to that more interesting and fun to work with than even the jokes about them getting divorced. 

And there is not a cute, fluffy answer to this, like I’m gonna be honest with you. The interesting thing about LonelyEyes for me is the fact that it is completely dysfunctional, so if you’re hoping for anything cute in this post, it’s probably not going to be your cup of tea. 

Here’s the thing about Elias and Peter: they’re both drama queens, and the reason they can work as a couple at all is because the types of drama they enjoy are complementary. Elias loves being the center of attention, pulling people’s strings, and feeling like everything and everyone is revolving around him precisely as he planned. He has to have the upper hand on everyone else constantly. In a relationship with a normal person, that would never work (see the numerous letters to him from people being like “I am choosing to cut off contact with you because you are crazy.”) Any attempt at emotional intimacy turns into a chess match, which is alienating and frustrating for anyone actually trying to make lasting connections with someone. Who could stomach that? 

A dude who thrives off making no meaningful connections with absolutely anyone, that’s who. Peter doesn’t care about emotional intimacy. Being close to people is the exact opposite of what he wants, but at the same time, he still needs people. He talks about how he wants to be alone a lot, but if he really wanted to be totally alone, he wouldn’t keep coming back to mingle with the rest of society. He keeps coming back because being around people but never being able to connect with them is something he’s experienced since he was a child, so it’s safe and familiar to him. The type of loneliness that he craves isn’t the physical absence of people; it’s the presence of people but the absence of connection with them. That’s something else that a normal person would never be able to stand, but that Elias would never have a problem with. 

So the bottom line here is that both Elias and Peter need to be around other people to find fulfillment. The kinds of fulfillment they crave are complete poison when paired with normal people, but they’re perfectly complementary when paired with each other. Elias can play as many mind games as he wants with Peter, and that won’t ever drive Peter away because he too enjoys drama, and he knows that since Elias is too busy trying to be the center of attention, he’ll never actually try to connect with him in a meaningful way. They both get what they want, and in it’s own terrible way, it works perfectly. 

Then of course they’ll break up because Peter made one too many terrible puns and this time! This time it’s the last fucking straw! But of course it’s not going to be the last fucking straw, it’s never going to be, because breaking up and getting back together again is just part of the game, and the game doesn’t get to continue if they stay apart permanently. 

[blackberry-gingham]

The love language concept sounds interesting! I’d say George’s love language/the way he shows love is physical touch, Paul’s is receiving gifts, Ringo’s is positive affirmation mixed with quality time, and tbh I’m not to sure for John. maybe acts or service or quality time for him?

Mwahaha, you've fallen into my trap! The truth is I wanted to do this topic more or less for myself, but felt bad bc I still have a few requests left to do. So thank you for sending in a "request" for me so that I can do one out of order real quick >:3

Lol but really tho, thank you for humoring me and these are good! I could honestly see all of these, but for John I'd say acts of service with you, bc the "To Do" stuff just sounds like his character tbh, but maybe also I feel like there's some physical touch too???

Ik I've heard that John kind of actually didn't like being touched, but I mean... If you look at literally any picture of him with Yoko, he's always at least holding her hand, if not just totally draped all over her lol, so I'm assuming for an S/O it's totally different!

But anyway, here's some headcannons real quick and then back to requests. Thanks everyone!

---

George

Honestly? I feel like George would just not be able to keep his hands off you

Like, not necissarily in a sexual way (although that too, if you're in the mood lol), it's just that he loves to let you and everyone else know you're his

He's not all too shy about it either lol

I mean obviously he saves the more lovey dovey stuff for private places, but in public he still has a lot to offer

Everytime he sees you he kisses you either on the cheek, forehead, or mouth and then pulls you in for a hug

Always

Then the rest of the time, as long as he doesn't have to be working, he likes to hold your hand and play with your hair

And if he's feeling a little risqué, he likes to let you sit on his lap and cuddle against him

In private tho...

Oh, he is all over you!!!

You are his sanctuary and safe haven away from the public eye and the daily grind that comes with being a Beatle

I've seen quite a few quotes from geo lamenting the fact that he and the others had literally no private life thanks to their stardom

So yeah, believe me when I say he could live a thousand years and still never feel like he could repay you for giving him the rest and love he needs

He'd be like a long, giant cat. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, if he has an opportunity to snuggle up to you, he takes it

And if he's not exhausted, and if you let him !! he likes to just touch and kiss your body and face

Having that closeness and intimacy is so important to him, he wants to let you know how deeply he loves you

All of you

And of course, the best way you can return his love language back to him is by returning the intimacy he does for you!

When in Rome, after all

Honestly, just by accepting his offers when he initiates a request to hold your hand or hug or cuddle, he already appreciates that!

But if you initiate any of those things, he's definitely feeling the love!!

Although, one thing you like to do a bit different is giving massages

Of course George would certainly give you one if you asked!

But since he's usually tired, either mentally or physically, from always being on the go, you like to do him a favor lol

And he loves it

Seriously, you've never seen a man more blissed out then George gets over something as simple as a back or scalp massage

Assuming he doesn't fall asleep under the spell of your skillful fingers, he repays you with kisses or cuddles after :)

John

Ok idk if I'm like projecting, or reaching, or SOMETHING along those lines, but I feel like of all the boys, John is probably the one most looking for a true partner, as in like his other half

Paul is very close behind with his relationship with Linda, but for John it always came off as a need for him, more then like a want or nice thing to have

So anyway, all this to say that as far as acts of service goes, I think he gets a lot of security out of receiving this!

Like, whenever John's feeling particularly stressed or overwhelmed having you there to approach the issues with an objective mindset is a HUGE relief

Really, like I cannot stress this enough

Phrases like, "What can I do to take some pressure off for you?"

Or, "Well what if we just focus on x for now, and then we can take care of y and z tomorrow?"

All give him such a powerful sense of relief

And of course, the way that you, you know, actually follow up on your word, makes him fall even deeper in love with you then he thought possible

Now on the other hand, is physical touch

While this is a part of his love language cocktail, John likes to express this one a bit more then he likes to receive it

You see, unlike George, John is a little more reserved with his PDA

He will kiss you and hold your hand of course! But unfortunately his anxiety is a thing, so as much as he hates it, he has to reserve his physical affection for more private settings

But when you two are alone, he's like puddy in your hands!

He likes to just hold you a lot

It doesn't matter if you're preoccupied with something else, like a book or the telly, he just wants to have physical contact with you

And if you can do any of those things cuddled up on his lap or against his chest, even better!

But also, John definitely loves to get that energy back

He likes it when you give him cute little kisses and pet his head

I think he'd also like it if you rubbed his temples or the bridge of his nose/third eye lol

Wearing glasses all day can get uncomfortable you know!!

I think if you can establish that trust and physical closeness, that's when you'd also get a return on his acts of service

Really, if you've bonded this deeply with John he'd do literally anything for you

Whatever you need, whatever you want, if he can do it he will and if he can't he'll find a way to do it anyway!

He'd be loyal to a fault and love you forever after

Paul

Please tell me why I could see Paul being your sugar daddy on the low 😭😭

Really, like he just likes to spoil you!

Honestly if someone showed me proof that the real actual, 78 year old, 2021 Paul McCartney uses stacks of hundred dollar bills as tinder for his fireplace, I literally wouldn't even blink

Like even back in the day, he's got that Beatles' money baby !!! and he.... Kinda doesn't care for it, actually

I personally don't think any of the boys come across as like money hungry or something like that, but I could see Paul especially figuring that he might as well use all this dumb money to buy you things you like!

It may feel overwhelming to be on the receiving end of so many random, but expensive gifts tbh

You might even tell him to stop or that he doesn't have to do all that!!

I think he'd be able to understand that overwhelming you with nice things kinda has the opposite effect of what he's intending, but....

He just gets a little carried away sometimes lol

I mean growing up he didn't have all that much, and even now, like obviously nice things are nice, but meh

What he really wants to do is make sure you're enjoying the high life too!

I could see him doing more of writing you songs and music instead so that he can still fulfil his desire to give, should you feel uncomfortable with the fancy gifts

But yeah, if you're uncomfortable he totally would get that and dial back the materialism, but if you don't mind, then he doesn't either!!

Now you might be wondering how you, a delightfully average person, could impress Paul McCartney with a gift giving love language...

I mean, what do you give the man who has everything?

Well I'd tell you this... It's simple!

You could bring him literally anything that you find meaningful and be like "This made me think of you!" or "I just thought you'd like this!" and he'll love it!

He would definitely run up some organized collections of the little things you've given him

He has some dedicated display boxes for all the random, shiny rocks and pebbles you've found

A little filing drawer of all the notes you've ever wrote him

And if you like art or photography, he'd decorate his personal spaces with your work!

Of course he'd appreciate traditional gifts too tho

Like a watch or bass strings or a new tie ect ect

But the thing for you to not get caught up on is the price!

That doesn't matter to him :)

He likes your gifts bc they came from you!

Ringo

Ok, positive affirmation is definitely a big thing for Ringo

He gets roasted a lot by the boys and even the media, and all in good fun I suppose, but after a while enough is enough you know?

Not to mention, he just feels a bit... Lesser then?? Compared to the others and their musical talent

So the poor guy really needs a break!

Literally, even just little one word sentences of encouragement mean sooo much to him

"I'm so proud of you Ritchie!"

"That sounded wonderful!"

"You've done a great job today at the studio, good work!"

Stuff like that makes him melt

Of course he also appreciates the more conventional things like "I love you" and when you call him handsome!

And as for the spending quality time, that comes easily!

Ringo looooves to take you out on dates!

Now yes, there's your typical movie date, dinner, dancing, all that

But his favorite things to do is go on little adventures!

He takes you to the park, the beach, out to explore thrift and consignment stores, and anywhere else you want to check out!

However, not everyone wants to run around outside 24/7

So in the house, he likes doing things that you two can do together!

Painting is a big one, seeing as it's his other hobby, but it could honestly be anything, like puzzles, board games, or just watching TV!

I'm trying to think of how he'd return the words words of affirmation side of his love language, but I think it would be a little harder for him to do then expressing quality time tbh

You just make him so darn shy!

What with all your good looks and kindness, he just feels a little overwhelmed

Have you ever seen a work of art, or architecture, or even a landscape so breathtaking that you don't really know where to start when describing it to someone?

Yeah, it's like that

He definitely wants to try tho!

I think he'd stick to simple things like complimenting your outfits and praising your work or personal projects you show him!

He's worried that that comes across as just common decency tho, so he says "I love you" a lot and tries to make up for his bad way with words with quality time

[thedreadvampy]

ok so this trip down memory lane kind of leads neatly into what I was wanting to talk about last night (even though it’s past 4am again oops)

which is the gendered nature of queerbaiting and of bi/homophobia

like last night @silly-slacker-person and I were talking about Glee and about how like...the Brittana relationship started with the improvised line “if having sex was dating, Santana and I would be dating” and how that fits into a Pattern

where queerbaiting with male characters is about emotional intimacy but They Can Never Kiss Or Touch Sexually, queerbaiting with female characters is...weird.

queerbaiting with female characters is often almost the inverse of queerbaiting with male characters. female characters will kiss on screen, touch constantly, and even actually have sex with each other, but the story will still regularly insist they’re straight. and romance is off-limits. emotional intimacy is withheld. it’s always waved away with being a performance, or an experiment, or a thing they’re doing because they’re horny and don’t have a boyfriend. 

and think about how often queerbaiting with women involves maneuvering them into a situation where they kiss onscreen but in a purely performative way (the example that springs inevitably to mind is Veronica and Betty in Riverdale - images of them kissing were all over the marketing for the show, and in reality they kissed as part of a choreographed performance in-story - I can also think of several examples where it’s as part of a game, a dare or because their boyfriends tell them to/to titillate their boyfriends) or like...it’s not technically Queerbaiting but how often women specifically are made bisexual but only in a teehee coy ‘it’s sexy when girls kiss’ way.

whereas queerbaiting with men is an “I love you...bro” or a quiet moment or a point of emotional intimacy and them touching remotely sexually/romantically is seen as the Proof Of Queerness, which writers will often shy away from committing to

it only tends to become A Canon Queer Thing when men express physical/sexual intimacy (kissing or sex)

it only tends to become A Canon Queer Thing when women express emotional/romantic intimacy (dating, “I love you”s, or monogamy)

and I feel...Some Kind Of Way about this and how it slots into the experience of exploring your own wlw identity. how women are still assumed to be and treated as straight even if they’re regularly seeking/having sex with other women unless they a) reject men utterly or b) enter a monogamous relationship.

and it feeds into something I’ve thought about a lot over the years which is how thoroughly gendered the experience of bi/homophobia is (not in terms of how you identify but in terms of how the -phobe is reading you)

like ultimately it comes down to the idea that men define sexuality

all sexual contact with women is overridden/negated by sexual contact with men. women aren’t given the same power to define sexuality as men.

which means that if you are a man who kisses/sleeps with men even once, you are gay

if you are a woman, kissing/sleeping with a man even once will make you straight

so sexual contact between women isn’t threatening the way sexual contact between men is. however gay a woman gets you can always walk it back in the eyes of heteronormativity. but if a man Goes Gay even a little bit that’s his identity set in stone however many women he goes on to sleep with/date.

and ultimately not to be crass it���s about The World Revolving Around Men’s Dicks. literally. so much of the gendered construction of homo/biphobia is about a patriarchal society unable to comprehend the concept that you could sleep with a man and be unchanged by it. sex and sexuality has been framed so universally for so long in so many cultures as a matter of male power and that is so definitional to homo/biphobia and to mainstream ideas about sexuality.

and that means that homophobia and biphobia are very shaped by your perceived gender in relation to your attraction

gay men are threatening because male sexuality is seen as such a powerful, shaping force, that the mere presence of gay men could be enough to shape the sexuality of men around them. this horror of Being Turned Gay this utter distress at the fragility of heterosexuality is so foundational to the way homophobia is upheld and expressed. it’s vital to heteronormative masculinity to distance yourself from gayness by any means necessary, to violently reject gayness, because even slight contact with male sexual or romantic intimacy has the power to redefine you.

whereas a lot of lesbophobia rests on the idea that it’s a deliberate rejection of men, and a temporary one - you’ll find the right man. sex with a man has the power to change you. and because of that relationships between women aren’t seen as meaningful in their own right. like a lot of cultures prohibiting sex between men treat sex between women as a natural, expected adolescent experiment, or as irrelevant as long as you also fuck your husband. it isn’t threatening to heteronormativity to kiss, fuck or love women, until you say this is real and it matters. Then it’s threatening because you’re being mean. You’re saying the Not Serious Not Definitional relationship of women loving women is powerful, more powerful than the Defining Power of Man Dick, and that’s aberrant, and it’s also kind of seen as...childish? silly? like you just Don’t Understand that women loving women isn’t Real Attraction. you can’t define yourself through sex with women! they’re not men! women are defined by, they don’t define!

and as a bi woman who largely dates bi men, I’m particularly interested in the gendered nature of biphobia

bi men are assumed to be “really” gay and in the closet

bi women are assumed to be “really” straight and performing attraction to women for male attraction

and that brings us full-circle to glee

see Ty and I were talking about the two really offensive stories in glee which affected us as bi teenagers

he was talking about the story where Blaine says “I think I might be bi” and Kurt tells him “bi guys don’t exist, bisexual is just a label for closeted gay high schoolers”

I was talking about the story of Finn outing Santana, which is a CLUSTERFUCK. but aside from the outing, thinking about how everyone canonically knew that she was sleeping with Brittany but she was only put in danger when it was named as a queer love. like that she was still understood as entirely straight and Doing It For Attention even when holding hands, kissing and fucking another woman, as long as she didn’t call it love or a relationship.

and I’ve talked to a lot of other bi people about the experience of being a bi teenager and almost everyone who was read as a woman as a teenager speaks to doubting the veracity of their attraction to women, to being treated as an attention-seeker looking for male attention or someone going through an experimental phase. and I think that’s usually how we talk about biphobia. as being assumed “a straight person looking for attention”. but the experience of a lot of people of narratives about bi men are a bit different and so the experience of bi teenage boys is really different. for girls/”girls”, queerness is something that has to be constantly asserted and proved. for boys/”boys”, it’s straightness that has to be proved. even if you mostly date girls, if you ever like. kissed a boy at a party or expressed attraction to another guy then people assumed you were gay and your attraction to women was fake.

and the throughline isn’t comphet it’s. I guess...comp-liking-men. it’s the assumption that attraction to women is a shadow of attraction to men. it can’t possibly compete.

I have often expressed, often to girlfriends I just had sex with, my fear that I’m appropriating queerness by laying any claim to it. like they look at me like I’m an idiot but later they’ll tell me the same thing. and that’s a fragility that assumed-male queerness just doesn’t have. male heterosexuality is so fragile that anything straying even slightly away from it is seen as Deeply, Threateningly Queer. female heterosexuality is so default that queerness has to CONSTANTLY fight for any space against it - even glancing in the direction of heterosexuality is enough to negate queerness. if you sleep with a man, if you even express the opinion that a man is good-looking, you’re Straight Now. they’re mirror images of each other and ultimately yeah it really comes down to the expectation of male power 

and also kind of...the irrelevance of women’s feelings in sexuality? the construction of all sexuality (including heterosexuality) as Male Desire and Female Acquiescence - historically society tends to not give a shit what women want, feel or love as long as they have sex with their husbands and don’t run the risk of having another man’s babies. it honestly like, not to get all Straw Feminist on this but it comes down to the subjugation and dehumanisation of women. a woman in patriarchy is an object owned and used to serve a function and a relationship that doesn’t threaten the ownership or affect the function (you’re still having sex with him and he still knows your child is his) isn’t a threat. women aren’t owners, they’re owned. if you say ‘actually I belong to this other woman and not to you’ it becomes a threat. if you start refusing to be a wife or a sexual partner or a mother it becomes a threat. but “passionate friendships” and schoolgirl experimentation weren’t just tolerated but sometimes actively encouraged as long as you still fulfilled your function as a wife fully. like you can fuck other girls before you get married - that’ll help you learn to Do Sex without having you Tainted By Another Man. you can keep a live-in mistress as long as you understand that your husband will always take precedence - that way you can have those pesky emotional needs met but you won’t cheat on him with a man and cuckold him. it’s only when you say This Is Queer And This Matters And We Matter that it becomes a threat. when she starts mattering as much as him. when you don’t marry men but devote yourself to women. now you’re Failing In Your Function. obviously this isn’t how it’s framed now but like. these ideas seem to me to have a direct throughline to the ways queer women are recieved now - as either Basically Straight or as Aggressive Rejectors Of The Normal.

idk it’s 5:30 am now I should sleep. but. this is such a rich topic I could talk about it forever. 

[nikibogwater]

Bogwater’s Guide to Writing Platonic Relationships

Have a seat, dears, pour yourself a mug of cocoa, and let’s talk about writing for a bit. Specifically, writing emotionally intense, compelling relationships that are completely devoid of any romantic tension.

“Niki, those don’t exist! The only relationships that are truly intense and compelling are the romantic ones! Everybody knows that!”

*gently bonks you on the head with my magic scepter* NO. This is a common misconception that is perpetuated by media and especially fandom culture. And it stems from this bizarre idea that emotional intimacy must always equate with romantic intimacy. I have no idea where this idea got its start, but if you ask literally anybody who has experienced real, genuine friendship in their life, they will tell you it’s absolute nonsense. Just because you’re not doing the kissy-kiss with someone, that doesn’t mean you’re not emotionally intimate with them.

“But I don’t want any emotional intimacy without the kissy-kiss! It’s boring!” 

Yeah, so, there’s a reason platonic relationships in modern media often feel less interesting than romantic ones, and it’s precisely because of what I said above. Media producers and many fic authors are skittish about showing platonic love with the same level of depth and emotional intensity as romantic, so it often ends up being somewhat watered down and simplified, to the point that it becomes a less interesting relationship. The only thing this does is perpetuate the idea that any and all emotional intimacy immediately implies romantic attraction (it does not) while also devaluing the very real importance of genuine friendship/familial bonds. 

“Okay, but what if I just like romance better?”

That’s your personal preference, and that’s okay! Everybody has their favorite genres and tropes that resonate with them more than others. My personal favorite is Family, Found or otherwise (with a healthy dose of Hurt/Comfort on the side), but I can totally understand if romance speaks to you more. HOWEVER. This does not excuse writers and other content producers from low-key asserting that romantic relationships are objectively “better” than platonic ones. Hard fact of life: Nobody needs to experience romance, and even those who do experience it do so in different ways. But everybody does need to have emotional connections with other people through the bonds of friendship and family. Believe it or not, romantic love is not a universal experience. Platonic though? Everybody knows that one, and everybody needs it to be happy. To devalue it as a whole is to impose a toxic mindset that forces people to experience relationships in a very narrow and restrictive way.

Okay--*steps off my soap box and kicks it to the side*--now that we’ve established that friendship is important and should be given the same value that society gives to romance, let’s talk about a few ways to write intense and compelling platonic relationships!

Emotional Intimacy:

I’ve talked about this a lot already, but just in case some of you are confused, emotional intimacy is just when two people have a very deep familiarity and understanding of each other. They understand how the other’s mind works, and feel comfortable opening up to each other about their own stuff. Obviously, this is very important for any relationship, platonic or romantic, but writers will often limit such familiarity between characters to the romantic relationships. The first step to writing an interesting friendship is to not do that. Show that your platonic soulmates understand each other and are vulnerable with each other. Here are some easy ways to do that:

Character A knows all of Character B’s personal preferences--likes and dislikes, including small things like food, flowers, music, etc. 

A can finish B’s sentences for them. 

A is willing to talk about their feelings when B asks if they’re okay.

A and B trust each other and know the other always has their back

A and B will occasionally reference events in their shared history and even have inside jokes

A will seek B out for comfort when they are upset.

A and B almost never miscommunicate--they know what the other means when they say something, and will immediately notice if the other is acting strange.

A and B can communicate with each other silently, via subtle looks, eye movements, or gestures.

Selflessness:

To quote a grossly over-marketed Disney franchise, “Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours.” This is the simplest and also most accurate definition of love I’ve come across, and it is universal to all kinds of relationships. So in order to make your platonic relationship compelling, you need to show that the characters are willing to make sacrifices for each other--even big ones. Make sure this is a mutual exchange between both characters, because otherwise you risk making the relationship look a bit toxic. Here are a few of my favorite examples of selflessness between friends/family:

Character A willingly puts themselves in harm’s way in order to protect Character B.

A is always ready to drop what they’re doing and come to B’s assistance. 

A and B regularly do small favors for each other without being asked. 

A is always mindful of B’s needs and makes sure they’re taken care of.

A and B always do their best not to hurt each other, either physically or emotionally. 

A is openly very worried whenever B is in danger and stops at nothing to help them.

Affection:

This is the part where most writers balk when writing platonic relationships. “They can’t touch each other!!! That’s sexy and weird!!!” No, it’s not. This idea that any and all signs of affection are exclusive to romantic relationships is toxic, and we need to wipe it from existence. Obviously there are different levels of physical intimacy, and some absolutely are exclusive to romantic relationships. Here’s a list of No-Gos if you want to keep a relationship completely platonic:

Kissing on the lips/mouth/neck.

Gazing deeply and silently into each other’s eyes for long periods of time for no other reason than to simply Gaze.

Doing the Do or otherwise touching each other in an explicitly sexual way (I feel like this one should be pretty obvious. Also wth guys, that stuff is grooooosssssssss 🤢)

Honestly those are the only ones that I can think of that are always exclusively romantic. Everything else requires pre-established context in order to be taken as such. So here’s a list of affectionate gestures that are totally safe for established platonic relationships!

Little forehead/cheek kisses.

Hugs--yes, even prolonged ones. Sometimes friends/family just want to hold each other for a while, and not in a sexy way. 

Holding hands.

Leaning on each other.

Playing with each other’s hair or gently petting it in order to offer comfort.

Sleeping next to each other when circumstances require it (and neither of them makes any fuss over it)

Saying “I love you.” STOP MAKING THIS AN EXCLUSIVELY ROMANTIC THING, PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS PURE IN THIS WORLD!

Touching foreheads (my personal favorite of the lot!)

Maintaining prolonged eye-contact during moments of sincerity and communication, especially if Character A is trying to tell B something important.

Sweet little smiles, or other such soft looks of fondness

And many other gestures that I don’t have time to go over in this list.

Tip the First: When writing platonic affection, be sure to bear in mind your characters’ personalities and physical differences. For example, if Character A is significantly bigger and heavier than Character B, they probably wouldn’t be tackle-hugging B, because that would risk seriously injuring B. Different personalities also have different levels of comfort when it comes to physical affection. If you’re writing fanfic, it helps to revisit the source material and observe how the two characters interact with each other. And remember: just because two characters aren’t physically affectionate with each other, it does NOT mean they don’t have a deep and meaningful friendship. Also bear in mind that many people have different dynamics with different friends simply due to the way their personalities fit together. Not all of my friendships look the same, and it’s not because of insincerity on my part--I just have different interactions with different people.

Tip the Second: If you want the gestures of affection to really pack a punch, use them sparingly. Save your long, warm embraces for when the two characters finally reunite after a long separation. Have Character A take B’s hand only when they can sense that B is frightened and in need of reassurance. A “First Platonic Hug” scene can be just as sweet and feelsy as a “First Kiss” scene if you do it right! Also, don’t be afraid to talk at length about how a gesture of affection makes a character feel. Describe the warm fuzzies that bubble up in their chest when their friend/family member gives them a hug, wax poetic about how grateful they are to have said friend/family member in their life. Taking time to explore and dwell on a certain feeling should never be strictly reserved for the ones associated with romance. 

And when in doubt:

Observe the professionals. Here are some fantastic platonic relationships from various pieces of media that I take tons of inspiration from:

Frodo and Sam from Lord of the Rings (especially in the books)

Jim and Toby from Dreamworks’ Tales of Arcadia series

Din and Cara from Star Wars: The Mandalorian

Lilo and Nani from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch

So in conclusion:

Listen, I get it. Romance is exciting and cute and sexy and very important in its own right, and society likes to beat us over the head with it these days. But I cannot impress on you enough just how vital platonic relationships are to living a good and fulfilling life. I am who I am today because of the family and friends who have helped me grow. Please don’t disregard it, whether in your writing or in your own life. Cherish friendship. Acknowledge the depth of your platonic feelings for someone. And writers, please don’t be afraid to express those feelings in your work. If we let friendship and family die, I can assure you, any potential for healthy romantic relationships will quickly follow suit. 

[aaetherius]

Get To Know The Writer!

———  BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME: Noise

PRONOUNS: They / Them 

ZODIAC SIGN: Virg.o

TAKEN OR SINGLE: I am a single parent to a gremlin cat. I also have a dog and another cat, but when do I ever talk about them sorry my fur children I should not have a favorite, but I do.

———  THREE  FACTS! ♡

I am fairly/decently tattooed (verging on heavily tattooed, I think most would argue)? I think that’s something most people don’t know or assume about me (unless you’ve seen me, then, of course, it’s the first thing everyone notices). I have a lot of tattoos so I won’t describe/go over all of them (most of them are nerdy though). But the most obvious/largest one I have is my full sleeve (entire left arm), and that one is of Ok.ami! My favorite one, though, is on my thigh because I’m biased, and it’s a decently sized heart with a scene from K.iki’s Delivery service in it/things that reference it, but Lily and Jiji (the cats from Kiki’s) are colored/drawn as my two cats instead (their names are Elise and Bella and I love them very much gfheudhg)! And my most recent one is a pretty large Sailor Moo.n (Luna) inspired one on my calf (I got it done, unintentionally, like the day before we went into lockdown here and I still think about how that’s the last time I left my house other than to walk the dog and for the essentials, obviously dshjgjfy).  

A lot of you know this already, but I sew/know how to sew (largely self taught)! I mainly do cosplay stuff for myself now, and sometimes make cosplays for friends (if I love them enough ghufdihrudk). But there was a period of my life where I was doing it professionally/as a job. I had my own business, and used to make and sell plushies (mainly at conventions, and would do several conventions in a year. Free fun fact from that, but my best con was actually in Canada, of which I am not from nor do I live in, but because of that I have a business license/Tax number in Canada. Used to get invites to events in Canada all of the time and I had to tell them I don’t live there gfudrkugfgrfdr)! 

This is so very difficult. I’m out of facts and trying to come up with things you guys don’t already know ifdshliuf. Uhhhhh, on the more personal side/less fun side I guess, but I was on a learning plan (I honestly forget the actual term for it - basically it’s for when you struggle with a certain subject and have to take extra classes for it or are given accommodations for it because it’s difficult for you) throughout most of school/prior to college for - writing, actually (believe it or not gifdljhgkgrt)! I was often told how terrible I was at it/that I would never get better at it because the school system can be awful, but I enjoyed it, and was a very stubborn child so I kept at it anyway! Eventually I was taken off of it in high school entirely because of my own efforts. So, I just want to say: never let people tell you that you’re incapable of something/can’t do something/don’t let people bring you down! If you love something, and get enjoyment out of it, you should do it regardless of what others think/believe! And be kind/supportive to creatives (including yourself - so very much including yourself, you’re wonderful and deserving of respect and praise for doing what you do). It can take so much courage to write or draw or sew or sculpt a single thing (and you should be proud of that thing, even if it doesn’t live up to what you wanted, because what really matters is that you had the courage to do it at all)! There’s often so much going on behind the scenes that you’re not aware of, and you never know where, when, or how someone started off in something (so even if something seems easy for someone now, it likely wasn’t when they started and still might not be)!  

———  EXPERIENCE! ♡

I can’t recall when I started role-playing exactly (I’ve been writing, in general, since I could hold a pen). It’s been years, but I started with OCs on forums and with friends (in high school I had a group of friends that I would trade around a physical notebook with where we would write replies - one time, for a friend’s birthday, I had owed them a reply for a really long time, so we wrapped it up and them put it in five or so boxes, all of which were also wrapped, and gave it to them. It was a good time haha. Gosh I’m so old). Before eventually moving to tumblr. Most of my older/oldest OCs are still around on my general multi (August being the oldest, but a decent chunk of the OCs on that blog are pretty old). The first canon character I wrote was, I believe, Steven St.one from P.okemon. As far as Lucifer is concerned, I’m a few days away from this blog being seven months old!

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

I’m not quite certain what my preference is to be honest! I enjoy writing both OCs and canon characters. I tend to favor characters I’m more emotionally invested in since I tend to be on the shy/more withdrawn side of things so it’s easier for me to interact with others/reach out to others when I’m more invested in a muse! A lot of it can depend on my mood as well, certain characters are easier for me to write depending on how I’m feeling ( but there are muses I find easy to write regardless of how I’m doing). And how comfortable I feel with/on my dash also plays a fairly decent role in my preference, as well! And I enjoy running both single and multi-muse blogs, though most of my blogs are multis (but having a single muse blog is so nice). As far as archetypes go, I think I don’t favor one as much as I used to, but I still write a lot of white-haired muses haha. As far as gender goes, I tend to write male identifying muses most often.        

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    

FLUFF: I love and adore all things soft. Obviously it’s easier with certain muses than others (Lucifer lends himself well to fluff, but I have muses, like L.ucilius, who do not). I’m always down to write fluffy things, and very much enjoy it! I like and favor happy/soft content! I like seeing muses get closer, and living their lives and I’m always excited to see characters happy/finding out what they enjoy/spending time with others and learning about them/letting characters live their lives (especially in Lucifer’s case because, well, you know haha. If Cy.games won’t let him be happy I will simply have to do it myself).

ANGST: I like angst to a certain extent. I’m not into super heavy angst that has a bad/unhappy outcome, and doesn’t serve much of a purpose beyond being angsty. But angst that allows characters to develop is wonderful, and expected. And I love the recovery period. Writing muses addressing and living with their actions or learning how to cope with them - how their past or how what’s happened impacts their day to day lives and how they think/what bothers them/their actions/how it becomes a part of them, and what it takes for them to grow. Or how it deepens their relationship with another, and the comfort that comes with it. I enjoy angst that has a happy/meaningful ending. 

SMUT: It tends to be very case-by-case by with me. I may write it with certain muses (of mine) and not with others. I may be open to writing it with certain ship partners, and not with others, as well. I will/can write it, but it depends on my comfort level (and it is by no means a deal breaker if you chose to write or not write it). Generally speaking, it largely depends on how comfortable I am with the mun I’m writing with, and with my own muse that’s involved. So I might write it from time to time/it could come up, and there might be other times where I’m not comfortable/confident (and fading to black/time skipping is also a-okay with me, especially if you’re interested in exploring the aftermath/comfort that follows it, but not actually writing the smut part of that out). Though, keep in mind, when it comes to actually writing it out on my end, I’m more invested and interested in the emotional aspect that intimacy tends to bring with it/how it impacts the relationship (before, during, and after), and that does tend to be what I focus on when I write it (because I just find that part of it interesting to explore because my favorite things to write are character and relationship development). So, long story short, I’m selective with it.

PLOT / MEMES: Both are good! You’re always welcome to turn an ask or meme into a thread, and I find that it’s easier to start threads through asks/memes than it is through starters/a starter call so I very much enjoy them! But plotting is also nice, and I enjoy it! Sometimes, though, I have a million ideas, and it goes super well, and other times my head is completely empty and I have no thoughts whatsoever. But plotting also tends to make writing a starter/interacting easier, and also leads to interesting threads! So, I’m open to both!

tagged by: @cirocchio (thank you)!

tagging ( if you want to do this, but no pressure if you don’t! ): @cxffexngel, @anamnaesis, @hartblooms, @shymaidxn, @unladylikc, @whisperonn, @dcpraved, @synnthos, @caelumsaltator, @againthemartyr, @eternalwhite!

[himbowelsh]

Hi! Can I maybe interest you in the valentines A-Z for our fav radio man George Luz? 🤗

babe you BET you can, i’m always interested in george luz

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

George is...  well, to put it simply, he’s a cuddler. He’s a very tactile person, without even thinking about it; casual touches, like squeezing a shoulder or clapping someone’s back comes easily to them, and is a simple way to express his affection. When he really cares for someone, he can get a bit needy  ---  he needs that same level of physical intimacy and affection. He’s very eager to hold the person he loves, to pull them close and feel their body against his, their heartbeat and breaths matching his own  ---  but nothing makes him feel better than getting that back.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Honestly? Not a fan. Like, he’ll get his Mama a bouquet for Mother’s Day, but George is more likely to rock up with a gift or giant stuffed animal than a bouquet. There’s something about them...  he doesn’t like having to watch flowers wilt and die. It just unsettles him.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s not weird about it. Yeah, he likes chocolate, but he won’t go feral over it unlike some Liebgotts out there

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He’s the sort of guy who has to be kept entertained; his ideal date is definitely an amusement park or a drive-in theatre (beware, he’s definitely seen the movie before and will keep up a running commentary through it). Carnivals? Oh, heck yes, count him in. Fireworks show? Please. Give George a fun and colorful setting, the opportunity to show off a bit, and a fun partner who can keep up with him...  that’s the perfect date.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Yes, he loves hugs! He thrives on hugs! Again, George is fueled by physical intimacy. His hugs are very steady, very earnest, and sometimes cling a bit too much...  but whenever he lets go, there’s sincere emotion on his face, and anyone can see how much he means it.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh yeah, he’s definitely a flirt, but it’s not something he can help! He’s just...  got one of those faces, okay? That smirk alone flirts without trying. When George is actually trying, he’s definitely able to keep the mood of the party light; if he’s drawn to someone, he’ll joke around with them, but if they seem to respond in kind, then the flirting begins in earnest. He won’t throw himself down on the table in front of them...  but winks, smirks, casual touches? It’s all there, baby.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

Gift giving is an art, and George Luz has honed it. He just...  remembers things about people. Innocuous things, small comments, major life events, he remembers all of it, and keeps it stored away for a later date. He’s given his fair share of joke gifts, but when he gives something with sincerity in mind, it’s always somehow the perfect thing. George gives people gifts they didn’t even realize they needed.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Honestly, he’s quicker than he should be, and he knows it. George...  wants to be loved. He needs attention and affection like he needs air. So when he falls for someone, he definitely falls hard, and there’s no way to really stop that trajectory. A part of him doesn’t trust himself, because he knows that’s a great way to get his heart broken.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

He definitely thinks it way before he actual says it. George Luz, keeping a thought to himself? Inconceivable! But the fact is, George is shy about saying it...  because he’s scared he might not hear it back. His partner would have to say it first...  and from that moment on, there’s no stopping him. George loves saying “I love you”. He tosses it out at random times, in casual and meaningful moments alike, just to hammer the point home  ---  saying it often doesn’t make it any less true.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

He...  can get a little insecure at times, so yeah, if he sees someone else flirting with his partner, he won’t like it, and will definitely try to break it up ASAP. Not with fists  ---  a little charm and a well-placed wisecrack can work wonders.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Oh gosh, yes. George is...  the sort of kisser you wake up in a cold sweat about. He knows what he’s doing, and this is something he’s actually really confident about: George Luz is a damn great kisser. This is the one time he actually shuts his mouth, and puts it to work instead. Just the right amount of tongue, and touch, and teeth... while he’s definitely a bit of a tease, George knows what he’s doing, and exactly how to get his partner’s heart pounding. His biggest flaw is his habit of grinning during kisses, which... ends with bashing teeth together usually, not a fun time. Then he’ll start laughing, the mood is broken, and he’s gotta take a moment.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

His entire family  ---  and George has a massive family. All his friends  ---  and he has so many friends, seriously. The funny clerk at the grocery store who always gives him a discount; the nice old ladies down at the bingo club who talk about their grandkids a lot; the neighbor whose leaky roof he fixed who couldn’t actually pay him, but gave him an entire pie. George has so much love to give, it sometimes physically hurts.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

Morning George has bedhead, and Nighttime George has at least had a chance to run a comb through it, so he’s more confident in his ability to impress at night.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

“Naughty” is a good word for it. George is a tease; he likes to have fun, and does not want sex to be an intimidating experience for anyone. He’ll be the first one to admit that he messes around too much, but it’s just to cover up the insecurities he feels deep down  (and also, when he’s nervous he sometimes doesn’t know how to Turn It Off). He’s a talker during sex. If he’s not making an inappropriately-timed joke, compliments are probably spilling from his mouth, like he’s not even sure what he’s saying. You have to actively work to shut him up...  and even then, he’s still pretty loud. He’ll definitely be able to make his partner laugh, but when he gets to teasing, he can be absolutely unbearable. If the other person takes control  ---  which, holy shit, drives George absolutely wild  ---  it’s super easy to get under George’s skin, because he’s sensitive in a lot of places. When he goes over the edge, he goes over the edge hard...  it takes a while for him to recover, and sometimes he’s left dizzy for a few minutes. Aftercare is very important, and another thing he absolutely loves.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

He’s got a smart mouth and the inability to shut up. That’s almost the same thing.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Personality, absolutely. Whoever George falls for has to be able to snare him. He needs a little excitement, someone to keep him on his toes  ---  definitely someone with a great laugh. If they can make him laugh too, that’s a bonus; he’d love someone with a smart mouth. And kindness is super important  ---  he definitely wants someone who’ll go out of their way to help others out, even if it puts them at a disadvantage. (He has a thing for green or brown eyes, they just get him. Curly hair? Excellent, fun to run his fingers through. But he is...  genuinely not picky whatsoever.)

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Oh, he wants to do it. Absolutely. He’s got a plan and everything. Multiple plans. Many of them are elaborate and involve pyrotechnics with the strong potential for disaster, but...   eh, it’ll probably be fine. If no one dies during the proposal, it’s a great omen for the relationship!

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He thinks of himself as...  a practical romantic. Like, he’s not all butterflies and Disney ballads, but there’s a very strong streak in him that’s eager to be loved and have someone to dote on in return. When George is falling in love, he’s all about seizing romantic, spontaneous moments when they arise  ---  any way possible for him to show it.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He didn’t slow down long enough, to be honest. Lil Georgie was an energy ball. I could see him having some crushes on a few other kids, especially as he grew a bit older and middle school hormones happened, but he was no Baby Romeo.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

He...  believes in love. True love isn’t something he’s ever really thought about, because the idea’s always seemed kind of silly to him, like something out of a kid’s story. Love is love. 

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

He’s been rejected plenty of times, but nothing’s ever truly shattered him. George bounces back quickly.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

“Stupid. Commercial garbage. Not even a holiday, why do we need it? Anyways, I booked us a dinner at eight at that restaurant you love, and don’t look under your pillow ‘cause there’s definitely not chocolate there ---”

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

It’s not, like...  the be-all-end-all of his happiness, and if his partner didn’t want to, he’d be cool with that. Yeah, he’d personally really like to get married and start a family, but... more than anything, he wants someone who’ll stay. You don’t absolutely need a ring for that.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

He will absolutely make up goofy pet names for his loved ones to tease them, and likes to get creative with them. Nicknames come easy to George, and are always affectionate  ---  he jokes that he’s got so many nieces and nephews that no way can he remember all their names, but he’s got a nickname for each one and remembers those without even trying.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

He can be, if he feels like a person he cares about is being threatened! If George sees a loved one in a tight spot, he’d going to jump in real quick. He won’t get immediately confrontational, that’s not his style...   but he’ll be there, at their backs, ready to step in if needed. His go-to move is an arm around his loved one’s shoulders, with a grin and a too-cheerful  “we got a problem here?”

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

Like...  he’s no nymphomaniac, but if he can, he will. Consent is very important to him, and he’s very in tune with his partner’s feelings, so he’ll only do it if both parties are firmly on board...  but if someone’s interested in him, and he’s in the mood? Sign him up and pin him down.

[relish-the-freezing-silence]

I have never done a matchup before so bear with me. I'm a (minor) 5'4" aro/ace African American girl with short dark curly hair and purple glasses. My personality type is ISFP and my Hogwarts house is Hufflepuff [fuck what pottermore says I am and forever will be a hufflepuff >:(] I'm more of a "mom friend" in my group of buddies and absolutely adore giving physical affection. My hobbies include listening to music, reading fanfiction, and watching tiktoks. I like sweet and savory foods, comedy, and other people being happy. However I dislike bullies, spicy food, and scraping metal noises. I have a hard time expressing my negative emotions with other people so I usually cover it with a nonchalant attitude or funny jokes. When it comes to people being rude to me or my friends I'm blunt and sarcastic. While I don't like bragging, when I do so I usually do it out of a want for validation and a confidence boost. Uhhh lemme know if you need anything else???? Keep doing what you do and make sure you take breaks 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Haha, don’t worry! Sometimes my writing is incoherent and somehow, I figure what’s going on, so I’m sure I’ll be able to manage this XD

ALsO, I am so sorry this took so long T^T

Life and literally everything got in the way and I’ve only had time to finish it off now…I tried to make it longer to make up for it, but it’s still not that long

ashdfklashdlf, I’m just so sorry, but now that it’s here, I hope you enjoy it!

I match you with…Kaminari Denki!

(HECKIN TUMBLR WONT LET ME INSERT A GIF OR IMAGE???)

  -    You guys will definitely hit it off as friends. You’re both friendly and funny and will get along so well :)

  -    He’ll be the one to ask you out, and it’ll come pretty suddenly. He wouldn’t really hide the fact that he has a crush, but no one ever knows when he’s going to act on them, since he tries to hit on so many girls.

  -    He’ll just suddenly one day be like:

  -    “Hey, um, ya wanna go out with me?”

  -    No context.

  -    You won’t even be on the topic of dating or anything like that. Just…boom.

  -     If you show any signs of being taken aback, he’ll probably go into an explanation of why he likes you. It’ll probably be really sweet, and he’ll have so many reason.

  -    He’ll think that your curly hair is adorable, and loves seeing it bounce around whenever you walk. He’ll love playing with it as well when you’re cuddling. He’ll twirl his fingers with the grain (is that what it’s called with hair?!) of your hair absentmindedly if he can.

  -    He’ll probably convince you at least once to straighten it and will absolutely gush at how pretty you look.

  -    YAS, Hufflepuff buddies (you can’t convince me he isn’t a Hufflepuff).

  -    He definitely needs someone like a mum to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid and reckless. You gotta make sure you slap some sense into him when he’s being impulsive XD

  -    He is literally the king of physical affection and absolutely craves it. Nearly at all times, he’ll have some part of him on you. Whether it be an arm around your waist or a hand on your shoulder, he’ll always be near you.

  -    That sounds kinda creepy, but it’s just how he is, okay?

  -    He’ll definitely sit with you, cuddling, of course, while you watch some random-ass tiktoks on his for you page, because he watches the weirdest things. Don’t comment, though, the guy probably doesn’t even realise it’s weird.

  -    You two will definitely spend hours listening to music while you study, read, cuddle, or literally anything. Kaminari can vibe to any music, so he honestly doesn’t mind what genre/s you listen to.

  -    With my limited understanding of MBTI’s, I’m pretty sure that Kaminari is an ENFP, and I’m fairly certain that ISFP’s and them can get along really well. While ENFP’s look for meaningful connections with people, ISFP’s are more in the moment, and that can help the ENFP be more grounded.

  -    He’ll take you out on street food dates, and he’ll buy all the sweet and savory foods you point at. Though, don’t expect to get any gifts from him in the next month. Whenever he goes out with you, he can’t help but treat you and will end up blowing all his money in one outing XD

  -    He thinks he’s the pinnacle of comedy and will be constantly be cracking jokes. He’ll often laugh at his own, and his snort/laugh will probably be funny that the actual joke.

  -    But in all seriousness, he loves comedy as well, and will absolutely watch shows late into the night. If there’s any live shows nearby, he’ll probably book tickets without telling you and surprising you with them like, two days before the show XD

  -    You two will have so many times when your stomachs are on the verge of exploding from laughing so hard for so long. It’ll definitely get to the point at least once where you have to get icepacks/heat packs because the pain gets too much, but Kaminari will still be giggling all the way through.

  -    He’ll really admire how much you care about other people and want to see them happy. He really looks up to that and will always want to be like you.

  -    Kaminari probably covers his hurt with jokes and the such as well, so it’s good to have someone with you that knows how and when people do that. You’re both a people person, so it’ll help to have someone like you with things like emotions. You’ll definitely bond over that trait, and it’ll help bring you guys closer, probably.

  -    He won’t be pushy with your feelings, and he knows you won’t be either.

  -    Bruh, this guy hates bullies as well, and though he may not be the best with words and will struggle in a physical fight, he’ll stand up to any that even consider picking on you.

  -    He’ll find it hilarious how blunt and sarcastic you are, such a dramatic change from how you are normally, and he’ll have to hold back a snort whenever you say something particularly dry to the rude person. He’ll absolutely congratulate you afterwards and you guys will laugh about it later on.

  -    You literally don’t need to even think about asking for validation and support. This guy will already be all over you, and when he notices you doing something even slightly good, he’ll be showering you with love and praise.

  -    Though, he’s also a validation seeker, so you may need to do the same for him XD

  -    I actually headcanon Kaminari to have a minor form of anxiety, so he’d understand what it’s like to have low confidence-levels. He’ll be really good when trying to give you confidence boosts as well, since he can literally see everything amazing and beautiful about you. He’ll find it easy to pick them out and bring it to the light when you most need it.

  -    He’s still an attention whore, though, so you better be giving him praise and love as well.

  -     You guys are basically known as the couple that are literally all over each other, but everyone is secretly jealous of your intimacy and ability to get along well.

A quote I think your relationship would match:

“I will keep on loving you until eternity comes to make me love you more.” ~ Munia Khan

I hope you like this matchup~

//Requests are CLOSED! (but they should be opening back up soon since I’ve finally climbed out of the slump and mostly back on top of things! :D)

[asrasotherbottom]

Sorry for not being specific, an asexual mc that feels no sexual attraction at all.

no worries! i just wanted to make sure you get what you want :) i’m taking this to mean sex repulsed. 

Main 6 x Sex Repulsed Ace MC

Asra

Asra has one (1) priority and it is MC’s happiness and comfort, and nothing in the world brings him more joy and satisfaction than that. 

To see MC smile and be alive and getting to be a part of their life is actually all he wants, everything else is secondary. 

So he’s more than happy to engage in any physical affection that MC feels comfortable with (hugging, cheek kissing, small kisses, etc) 

He’s more than happy to show his affection and love using words or acts of service too. 

As long as MC’s fine with him whackin it by himself sometimes, all he cares about is loving MC in any way that they feel best. 

Julian

He may be very overtly sexual sometimes, but deep down he just is full of love and the desire for happiness. 

So as soon as MC tells him, he works on being less outwardly sexual. It takes him a while to come up with other jokes to make, but he’s creative, he gets there. 

He’s soft honestly, he doesn’t want to admit it, ever, but just holding MC’s hand makes his heart soar and if he gets to do that for the rest of his life he would be more than happy. 

If he really wants a thrill that leaves him panting, he takes MC out dancing which is just as intimate and exhilarating for him.

Nadia

She likes the power play dynamic that she has with MC, but it doesn’t have to be sexual, it could just be fun and comforting. 

But if that makes MC uncomfortable, she stops immediately and is grateful MC is voicing their boundaries to her. 

She loves gentle nonsexual intimacy just as much as anything else, so thats no problem for her. 

Gift giving is her main love language and she can still shower MC with gifts, verbal affection, and witty intellectual discussion, and thats all she needs and is just happy she gets to be with someone who she knows makes her a better person and who she loves. 

Muriel

He’s just like “Oh...okay” and thanks them for telling him

Muriel has a complicated relationship with intimacy and with MC being his first real big basis for being in a relationship, he never had really any preconceptions about anything. 

Any and all physical touch is a big deal for him and is going to always be meaningful to him, especially nonsexual touch. 

Boundaries are also extremely important to him and he’s glad MC was clear about theirs and he’s glad that MC is comfortable 

Hes just full of love and would be glad to have an ace MC as a partner. 

Portia

As long as they’re up for adventure and finding out secrets she’s more than fine without sex in her relationship

She loves nonsexual intimacy like playing with their hair or them playing with hers or just casually laying with their legs on the other’s lap

Her love language is very much so verbal/sharing experiences/acts of service, all of which are whole and complete without sex. 

She does ask MC to occupy Pepi if she ever feels the need to masturbate and its a really good arrangement because MC and Pepi get up to trouble and Portia doesnt get interrupted for the first time in years.

Lucio

Lucio would take a little adjusting, sex and sexuality is definitely his coping mechanism for a lot of things and its hard to just turn that off. 

But for them? He will find a way, no doubt. 

It may lead to some other stranger behaviors as he tries to get the amount of attention and the feelings of desirability that he craves from a partner. 

Including but not limited to: A horse appearing in their bedroom and Lucio looking for them  to say that they like it, Lucio getting a piercing and bragging that he didn’t even cry, Many Many wardrobe changes so that they can tell him how handsome he is. 

He’s a gentleman at the end of the day and would find nonsexual ways of being intimate with them that adhere to their boundaries. 

[thebluelemontree]

At what moment do you consider Sandor fell in love with Sansa? (or care for romantically, if you don't think he fell in love). Do you think he realizes he feels something other than lust for her or is he still oblivious to his feelings? I thought about this a few days ago and its been bothering me for some time...

Yes, he knows it’s more than just lust, but it’s complicated.  Let me start with the physical attraction part.  I don’t think there is any evidence before their encounter on the serpentine steps that Sandor is physically attracted to Sansa.  That’s the moment that he blurts out in his drunken, uninhibited state that he’s just noticed she has a more womanly figure; however, he quickly reminds himself that no, she’s still a little bird no matter what she looks like.  Before that, he’s only ever treated her like the kid she is, whether he’s arguing with her or trying to protect her.  For a man with as many issues as Sandor has, physical attraction is the easiest feeling to understand and identify.  That doesn’t make it something he’s comfortable with.  He definitely feels guilt and embarrassment over it, and even tries to suppress it.  The milk is already spilled though.  His physical attraction is now enmeshed with his desire to maintain intimacy and to protect her.  Caring for a kindred spirit now becomes more amorous, which can be the natural progression of things when two people have chemistry.  Something flips a switch, and they suddenly look different than they did before.  

Sandor isn’t oblivious to his feelings.  What he has are a lot of emotions that are muddled together and in direct conflict with one another, causing him great consternation; furthermore, his prior experience with love of any kind is scant to none.  He was betrayed by his father at a young age and lived under constant terror from his brother.  His only other example of familial “love” is the Lannisters. :P  He’s been conditioned to think of himself as a dog that should only be content with what his masters see fit to give him.  He has a major facial disfigurement that elicits disgust and fear within a prejudiced society.  He’s abrasive and emotionally immature, which alienates him more from others.  He’s never been treated like a human being with feelings until Sansa, at least as far as we can see.  Just having one genuine human connection with someone that took his side and didn’t betray his secret is enough to make this the most important relationship in Sandor’s life, and despite everything against that, he wants to keep it going.    

But what is this relationship?  Both have trouble putting a name to this thing between them.  Sansa is too young, still going about her maturation at her own pace, and not close to being ready to make room romantically for someone like Sandor.  For Sandor’s part, there’s added struggles.  There’s the issue of class disparity.  She outranks him by a country mile, and she’s the betrothed of the king, something that I think overshadows them in their society more than the age issue.  Even though there are a mutual interest and secret allyship, they would not call this a friendship.  Even the chaste intimacy they have is already crossing boundaries of familiarity.  They’re always dancing around it by calling each other anything but their first names.  This is simply not a thing that is done, but in each other, they find the needed space to air what they really think and feel.  He’s also caught between her and being Lannister servant, the consequences of which will tear him apart.  

On an interpersonal level, she frustrates him with her continued insistence on the ideals of the songs being worth sticking to no matter how sideways the world goes.  Her demonstrating that idealism in practice forces him to examine his own worldview and inspires gradual changes in him, but also makes him want to double down on his cynicism and prove her wrong.  Then there’s also anger at himself for caring about another person at all.  Anger at her for making him feel all these strange and complicated things.  Anger and self-loathing for that part of him that wants more from her.  Anger and self-loathing for not being a better man and protector for her due to his PTSD, his alcohol abuse, his fear and weaknesses, and his inability to express himself in a healthy way.    

From a reader’s perspective, Sandor demonstrates the building blocks of romantic love before he can even understand what is driving his actions.  He definitely possesses qualities like passion, fidelity, commitment, and a willingness to be vulnerable with her (albeit grudgingly).  The relationship is meaningful enough for him to be willing to make sacrifices and take risks for her.  He’ll lie to his masters and put himself in harm’s way to protect her.  I think that it is fair to say that Sandor is definitely in love with Sansa by the time of the Blackwater if we’re strictly going by those signs; however, offering to protect her and kill anyone that tries to hurt her is as close as Sandor can come to articulating what his feelings are.  He misguidedly expresses what he would do for her in violent and negative terms:  lying, dying, and killing.  It’s the language he is accustomed to and understands best at that point.  His emotional immaturity and neediness also have him sometimes being too harsh, impatient, judgemental, and demanding.  So, is it really love if Sandor himself doesn’t have good tools for processing his feelings, realizing them as love, and expressing himself in more positive and agreeable ways?  Well, that’s up to you.  I would say it’s definitely not a healthy love, one that is conducive to a romance that would be good for both of them, not until he’s able to do those things.      

Let me get back to the moment that he not only learned Sansa was wed to Tyrion but also that she fled and disappeared.  His whole Riverlands journey was centered around his mistake at the Blackwater and him finding a means of getting back in good standing with Sansa.  Arya was supposed to be his golden ticket for that until his options started dwindling down.  

“Not for long,” said Polliver. “He’s under siege. Old Frey’s going to hang Edmure Tully unless he yields the castle. The only real fighting’s around Raventree. Blackwoods and Brackens. The Brackens are ours now.”

The Hound poured a cup of wine for Arya and another for himself, and drank it down while staring at the hearthfire. “The little bird flew away, did she? Well, bloody good for her. She shit on the Imp’s head and flew off.”

“They’ll find her,” said Polliver. “If it takes half the gold in Casterly Rock.”

“A pretty girl, I hear,” said the Tickler. “Honey sweet.” He smacked his lips and smiled.

“And courteous,“ the Hound agreed. “A proper little lady. Not like her bloody sister.”        

He can’t even focus on what Polliver and the Tickler are saying.  He’s brooding over another cup of wine and gazing into the fire.  While he’s happy she finally escaped, she’s gone, and he’s lost hope of seeing her again.  The Sansa-shaped hole in his life has caused him to admire qualities about her that once annoyed him to no end.  It’s at his death scene that he expresses how personally responsible he feels for botching his own rescue attempt and abandoning her to (in his eyes) a more horrific fate.  The feeling that their separation is now permanent and that he is powerless to do anything about it obliterates the last of Sandor’s pretense and denial.  He’s honestly facing how his ego, anger, fear, selfishness, and violence had a destructive effect on the relationship he valued most in the world.  It put the person he loved in harm’s way.  Sandor can now truly understand what love isn’t and how it all went wrong.  It’s the first step.  

So I don’t think George was content to let it lie at Sandor simply demonstrating the components of love for the reader’s benefit.  It was important enough that the character was put through a crucible in the Riverlands to further process those feelings.  And since the Elder Brother is keenly aware of who the auburn-haired maid of three-and-ten is, Sansa was definitely a hot topic of conversation.  Maybe (and I think it’s highly likely personally) we’ll next see a rehabilitated Sandor that is better equipped to understand and articulate his emotions, to express himself in healthier, more mature ways, and to express love through selfless and kinder actions.                                                                  

[elegiesforshiva]

This is a review for the amazing sasusaku fanfic Perpetual Winter by @thefangirlslair It’s a brilliant modern AU and I highly recommend it!!!  You can read it on fanfiction.net or tumblr :)))) FF: c l i c kkkk Tumblr: Part I, Special Chapter, Part II And time for a criminally late and obscenely long review!!!

Pt I

Winter has never been his favorite season

Damn what an intro, I’m already getting angst vibes lmao.  I really like how you set the scene and stage the world of this AU.  I didn’t expect the existence of clans in this piece, with it being a modern AU, but this is such a fascinating twist on the setting to me. I loved how you described Naruto’s endurance as unnatural, “like there’s a demon living inside him” and Sasuke and his clan have inexplicable warmth….inexplicable do I dare say…fire ???? ;))))))

Lmao seriously what a great way to pay homage to canon though.  I love these attributes!

Modern au Sasuke that reads poetry and drinks coffee is a brand of pretentiousness I can get behind

Aaaaaaa omg I really REALLY REALLY fucking love this intro!  I love how you describe Sasuke as appreciating liveliness, and vibrance—which we can honestly assume is canon with how his two closest people are the embodiment of these traits.  And I love how you tie it back into the seasons.  This really gives so much life to that motif in this story, and the title. That was clever af

…he was taken back to the time where winter was just a mere season, Bon Iver was playing on their shared earphones, and Sakura was his. 

WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST FUCKING DESTROYED ME WHAT A WAY TO SEGWAY INTO THE NEXT SCENE OOOOF IM KSJDFHLJSAKFL

There are so many things I love about this following scene…  you really know how to write a couple in casual, mutual love.  The banter and candidness of their interaction just has me floored. I also REALLY love that this is from Sasuke’s perspective, and how even though he doesn’t have an overwhelming amount of dialogue, we’re in his head, and his appreciation and love for Sakura just radiates.  Lines like these:  

From her latest discovered band to a recent discovery in medicine by a genius dude whose name he doesn’t even remember, she shares it with him. Favorite anime character, favorite memory with him, favorite pair of underwear — he knows it all because she’s that open to him about things she love.

They’re just….so good. I can hear his voice, his ardor, and his impeccable understanding of Sakura’s personality while also expressiong his own.  The choice of having the narrative skewed through his lens was def a good decision. And ugh this piece is just overwhelmingly amazing already

He doesn’t know the pain to be dealt with when you’ve broken up with someone because Sakura was his first girlfriend. And honestly, he doesn’t, couldn’t, even think about being apart from her. Just the thought of them breaking up already makes him panic a little. He always thought to himself, ‘I will never let that happen.’

Okay this paragraph……………this paragraph tho……..dropping this.  KNOWING. They’re gonna break up……….HOW DARE U

Seriously, what powerful writing.  I don’t know how you do it……

I think it’s incredibly interesting that you chose music to be the catalyst for this beautiful, climactic moment of closeness  My best friend/partner and I have had convos before about it, and she and i once talked about how we think of sex with music lol.  I don’t know how to entirely explain myself on that, or where I’m really going with this, but I get the same vibe here too.  Music that’s close to you is like an artistic intimacy and there’s something very personal and vulnerable about it.  Maybe it’s an auditory thing, like getting lost in one of those guided meditations.  (idk if you’ve ever had one that actually worked, they don’t always for me, but when they do god damn, it’s unreal)  Either way, I really loved the way this scene played out, it was highly relatable and highly emotional, and I feel serenity and ardor just reading it.  Beautifully done.

I love the way you moved back to the present and we immediately feel the differences and the similarities.  The fondness and affection is still there, if not a little more muted, and it’s so obvious they still have feelings for each other.  But there’s definitely moments that speak to their separation too, with the little differences in Sakura that Sasuke notices, or instances like her no longer drinking coffee or him deciding to open the door.

I really like how you inserted the interaction with Kakashi too.  One thing I’m quickly noticing about this fic and your writing is how you very stealthily relay information to us readers.  It’s seamless and entertaining, and I’m learning about this world and the past in ways that are so attention grabbing I don’t even notice it.

Also Itachi’s death and the way you handled it from Sasuke’s pov is so reminiscent of canon and also so gut wrenching.  The lines 

How dare Itachi leave him alone? How dare Itachi sacrifice himself and die? How dare Itachi pass his responsibilities onto his shoulders… 

especially gutted me because of how is stands in stark parallels to the Sasuke we know in canon.  This really smacked my head around with feels….poor Sasuke

OMFG POOR SASUKE !!!?!?!??!?!??!? THAT ENDING OOOLOGDSLGFSLKDGHLSDHFLKDFHVSLKV WHAT A FUCKING CURVE BALL LMAO

I mean maybe I should have seen that coming because like of course!!!  But also I’M LOSING M Y SHIT HAHAHAHAAA

I can’t wait to see how this unfolds!!!!!

Special Chapter

This is such a powerful scene to start with.  Itachi’s entire character was such a major influence in canon and seeing the way his death is affecting everyone now is so emotional.  I feel so bad for Sasuke, having to take on all the burdens Itachi had left behind for him.

Also these lines:

“Mikoto cried, “Don’t you think it’s too soon? I just buried my first-born just barely a week ago and now we’re discussing how you’re gonna ruin my youngest’s life just like you did with Itachi?!”

The way her voice cracked when she said his brother’s name broke his heart. She’s still grieving, probably forever, and here they are talking about Sasuke’s suicide.”

Literally killed me. Dead.  Deceased.  Fallen to the Void.  It’s so brilliant and powerful, and speaks so deeply on their dysfunctional family dynamics and feelings with so few lines.  Really loved this…

This next scene was so stark and sad and beautiful.  I meant to comment and pull lines again, but I couldn't stop reading tbh.  Sasuke's thoughts and emotions concerning Sakura are so vividly gentle and full of praise.  There's such a soft worship in the way you write his feelings towards her and tbh it's my absolute and only interpretation of feelings I care for concerning the depiction of their relationship.  Still, you do this with a certain cleverness and mastery.  It's really so moving for me...

The dream sequence that follows is absolutely debilitating, but so well done.  I got the sense it was a dream only a few lines in just from the bluntness of the lines.  It was truly very dream-like lol.  I really could feel the panic and guilt along all of his inner turmoil.  It's incredibly horrific to have such a dream about murder just after Itachi's too.  This was devastating.

I really loved the way Sakura calms him groom the panic/anxiety attack.  I've actually had a similar experience once, where I woke up from a nightmare and I was very frightened and stiff and couldn't really articulate myself.  I remember I had felt deep horror and self loathing and nothing else.  (I still remember the nightmare too, it was horrible.)  My best friend at the time just threw herself on the bed and held me.

It's so crazy how grounding touch can be.  I really felt that with Sasuke and Sakura too.  The comfort she offers him is so seamless to her character and so ardently palpable.  The repetition of "I got you" really touched me especially.  It breaks my heart knowing the inevitable end of their relationship to come.

Oooooohhhh daaamnnnnn

I did NOT see the raunchy sex coming lmfao!!  Although in hindsight, I probably should have.  You already told us how they tend to get down and dirty when emotions run high with the arguments and make-up sex.  I imagine this is instigated by Sasuke often, with him struggling to articulate his need for Sakura verbally so he does so physically.  And I imagine Sakura is just kinky enough to crave this sort of animal want.  

I do love how sexual interactions are easily moving in tandem with their emotions, how it just feels like another mode of communication.  Sasuke breaking down during it leaves me feeling so tender too.  It's tragic

She smiled. Sasuke doesn't know if he wants that smile or not.

These exit lines are going to fucking kill me istg

The following events honestly hurts to read because Damn haven't we all been there...  the fallout of a relationship to the point where you're just dragging it through the mud… it’s a true deterioration of soul and you capture that slow death so well.  I really feel terrible for Sakura—Sasuke too—but it sucks for her to be in the dark like this.  

I love the way you write Karin!!!  Honestly, I think it really mirrors the way she's written in canon.  She's cold and strategically loud and generally calculating and overall kind of apathetic.  She doesn't really know the value of meaningful relationships (and therefore doesn't prioritize them) until much later on in the series.  I definitely get this sense of her here too.  She's a little cold, but not cruel, and she has the pragmatic values of her and Sasuke's union in mind as she agrees to it all.  I really like how you made her personality come through here.

Meanwhile there’s him, sucking all the hard traits from their father. His competitive streak, arrogant way of speaking, harsh words — it’s all Fugaku. And suddenly, he feels so exhausted.

This line hit me so hard. I love this fic already for an endless number of reasons but a striking one is how well you interrogate the relationships between family.  When you described Itachi’s death as Sasuke losing a part of him, I really felt that. And here when you write about the way Sasuke takes after Fugaku and hates it and is also exasperated from it, just like how his father likely is, it just runs bone deep.  You really know how to speak to life experiences and relationships in consistently intimate ways.  I love that about you

This is his reality now — no more dream, no more Itachi; and pretty soon, no more Sakura.

’It hurts,’ Sasuke thought. 'It hurts, aniki.’  

Wow death by angst lmao thanks for the pain, maren, glad to know you like to torture your readers as much as our ninja babies.  Srsly tho the cadence of these lines and the material itself sync up perfectly.  It’s such powerful writing

This entire scene is stuffed to the brim with dread and turbulence, and it’s so lifelike, I feel it’s haunting.  The way you describe the suffocating atmosphere of the car ride, how Sasuke snaps at Sakura for simply knowing that something is up, the awkwardness of the dinner… You really brought so much passion into these scenes, I feel like I’m being tortured right with them lol

I looooooove the drama of this playing out omg.  The way you have this convo go down is like a punch to the gut.  Sakura announcing her acceptance to Harvard, and then her refusal to go. Sasuke knowing he’s the reason why…the guilt…the anger…

Also omfg these lines:

Sasuke hardened his resolve and stiffly said, “No. I don’t need you, Sakura.”

’Yes, I do.’

Sakura shook her head, “Yes, you do.”

I DIED.  Sakura callin’ him out on his bull shit I fucking LOST IT lmaooOOooo   I love this so much and I love how you write their dynamic!  It’s funny how this fic plays into a lot of romantic clichés but also subverts them—gives them a twist that knocks the reader right off their feet. It’s honestly incredible

I loved the way you brought in winter into this scene too.  The image of it, the feel of it, the terrible, lonely tone.  It suits the entire mood of it all.

This is going to sound super dumb but I genuinely love how much agency you give Sakura btw.  You probably know I’m a raging, batshit feminist by now and I gotta say, her dialogue is consistently powerful and reeks of someone who knows who they are, and their worth, even when in the fallout of a relationship where they are getting the short end of the stick.  Like I’m just sitting here reading “Sasuke, you dumb jackass, what are you doing” lmfaoooo LIKE GURL I WOULD TREAT U SO GOOD…. SAKU BB IM SO SORRY BUT ALSO TRUST I KNOW HOW IT BE

I really do love it.  And I love how you wrote Sakura as an orphan too.  It really flips the script on the canon material (eat shit, kishimoto!!  Women can have trauma and real backstories not centered around men, u misogynistic pile of adskjfhsklhfalkd)  I just feel she’s very well written, and tangible, and powerfully human.  I’d be just as smitten as Sasuke tbh

The last scene is so upsetting… it’s also strangely warming too though.  It’s terrible Sasuke’s been broken down like this, but there’s something about this scene where he feels raw, and expresses his pain in a very infantile way, literally crying out to his mother about how it hurts.  I really feel he’s been stripped of not just his life, but himself, under the weight of Itachi’s death and all that’s come with it, and it makes my heart ache.  I loved this chapter, in all it’s infinite sadness.

Part II

He closed his eyes and thought about his talk with his father earlier, “We’re okay now. He called me while I was with Itachi.”

Love the ease and depth of this single line of dialogue.  How Itachi is not alive but is still with him, and how it speaks to the way we humans grieve and the continuity and strength of relationships even after someone leaves.  It’s just very simple and human, and it popped out at me.

He couldn’t even remember the last time they talked on the phone, or the last time he heard Fugaku as a father, not as the Uchiha patriarch.

Uggghhhhhhh this is exactly how I felt Fugaku was like in canon too.  This fic is just full of brilliance, I really adore the way you describe all the relationships, but the complexity between Sasuke’s and Fugaku’s is really striking to me.  You nail it perfectly.

And this whole intro where Fugaku apologizes to Sasuke and tells him he is proud…. I feel as if a major levee has been broken.  While he’s in front of Itachi’s grave too.  This Sasuke really has that same parallel with the one in canonverse where I feel he is held back by his family trauma, family obligations, the weight of blood.  And this scene feels like a breaking point.  Where Sasuke can be a man instead of an Uchiha, in the same way Fugaku gives him this moment as a father instead of an Uchiha patriarch.  It certainly feels like a cleansing of sorts.

Once you thought you’re over it, one pink-haired beacon of spring will bloom in your eternal winter and blow all your progress into next week. What a woman. He will never find anyone better.

AaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA !!!! this IS what I mean!!!  His inner thoughts of her ugh….i’m so weak…Sasuke you lovesick fool…. And the return of the beautiful seasons motif.  I love this so much

 You can say they were drunk — with liquor, with each other, with love.

I just adore this line. It really emphasizes the vibe of their past relationship and the picture as a whole, and just that electric feeling of being consumed with someone.  The description and cadence of it is just really catching, and I love it

 God, this entire scene. Damn, maren.  It’s criminal how well you write the tension of such a casual conversation.  It feels as if an interrogation of sorts is occurring, and yet it’s still a heartwarming kind. Sakura is not vicious or mal-intentioned in inquiries and yet it still leaves Sasuke weak and defenseless if only because of his feelings for her.  There’s so many ways you assert it too.  It’s in every line, every detail.  This one in particular stood out to me:

Sasuke clenched his fist under the table and scoffed, “I hope my mother didn’t tell you how miserable I was.”

'Still am,’ he corrected in his mind. 'How miserable I still am.’

I remember you used this particular tactic when also describing Itachi’s feelings from Sasuke’s POV. (Something along the lines of how he does became how he did because he is gone)  In this fic where time is moving back and forward in a non-linear fashion, these details are especially striking.  Despite the changes and pushes and pull, this one fact is consistent—Sasuke loves Sakura.  And we, as readers, relearn it with every line.

Also I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOvE that Mikoto saw Sakura off, and that there is this undertone of a bond. Like ughhhhh I’ve so been there, where there’s that depth of understanding between women and relationships that men don’t always know about or know how to grapple with it.  My ex resented me for it lmfao

Adkjfasklfalsjdkfakls SASUKE CAN RELATE TO HIM APPARENTLY AHAHAHAAHHA B SNAPPEDDDD I totally get it though, it’s a little intrusive of Sakura to ask for that, but we all also know why she did.  Poor saku bb is in love with this emotionally constipated idiot lmao.  Oh I love the endless pining and miscommunication of it all !!!

“I thought you’d be here,” a voice came and knocked on the closed door of his heart. He turned his face towards it, he saw her and suddenly his doors came opening again.

The winter sun was directly behind her, giving her this eerie glow. Like a nymph; a spring nymph being born in his perpetual winter. He shivered inside.

Back at it again with that seasonal motif !!!! ugh you are killing me.  I also really loved the phrase “knocked on the closed door of his hear.”  You really have such a way with these metaphors and images, it’s so striking and makes the narrative of this piece so brilliant

and silence is a comfortable companion back then. When they became lovers, it was like their platonic third-wheel aside from Naruto.

Ngl I busted out laughing on that one.  “aside from Naruto” hahaaaa I love the way you include him in this fic tbh.  He’s not a very big focus, but he still feels like an integral part of this story, not just as Sasuke’s best friend, but also as another device to unite Sasuke and Sakura.  Also he’s pretty fantastic comic relief, probably just as much for the two of them as for the reader.

I really love the way this convo goes down, and the change of scenery from the coffee shop to the playground.  Considering the way their love at this point is founded in nostalgia (and perhaps something else, but let’s ignore that for a second) it’s so fitting for them to finally stripping away the masks and cloaks and being genuine with one another—Sakura talking about how she knew all along, and Sasuke finally admitting he still loves her.

I also loved that Karin broke off the engagement!!!!!!  And how she did it and how you described it ughghhghg I love this.  You really spoke to her character growth and development in canon too.  It’s trivial compared to everything else that’s going on, but I love it.

…the pink of her hair, the green of her irises and the gold of the sun slowly setting down behind her.

Sasuke couldn’t see her clearly anymore, only the faint glow of her weeping eyes and the halo on her head made by the sun.

You think you’re slick don’t you…you think you’re some kind of mastermind with these subtle references/images…..well guess what bitch….YOU ARE

  I looooove how you tied the music back in.  Ugh this departure!!  MY HEART!!! Also I’m seeing a handful of songs I love including OUR BOIIIII !!!! rex orange county uhhghhgjak maren this is the romance of a lifetime I AM WEAK

Ughh the forehead kiss…..that was so sweet.  I loved Sakura’s choice to give him that bit of affection.  This scene is so beautifully intimate, despite their positions.

Omg I FINISHED HOLY SHIT!!! And Sasuke doesn’t get back with her! Wow!  Honestly, as much as my shipper heart is like, violently frothing at the mouth and saying “okay they totally got back together down the line tho like THEY HAD TO THEY ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER WHAT IS TH—" I actually have such a deep appreciation for this ending.  Their relationship in this almost feels dream-like, and with the way the story unfolds, even if they still loved each other in the end (and I really don’t doubt that they do.  We don’t have Sakura’s perspective, but we also don’t need it.  the affections are clear) it doesn’t mean they will end up together or are even really suited for each other in such a way.  

Their love in this actually really reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  Have you seen that movie?  I just really get that vibe at the end.  This entire romance cuts very deep and is very passionate and leaves me feeling so whimsical.  I really loved this story, Maren…  thank you for sharing it with all of us.  thank you for writing it.  You’re really one of a kind and you and this story has my whole heart <333

Also I’m sorry this is so late, but when I said I am going to write you a review, what I meant was I am going to write you a review.  This English degree is good for nothing but sending elaborate love letters to friends and writers in the form of literary analyses and stupid overreactions and BY GOD I WILL NOT LET THIS CRIPPLING COLLEGE DEBT GO TO WASTE !!!

[sitinthelight]

I’m going through a wild ride emotionally. I don’t know what I’m doing. Not a clue.

I really like this guy. I REALLY like this guy.

I need to break up with Zach. But I’m reluctant of the outcome and scared of making his mental state go down hill even more than it already has. Like, I know there is never a good time to break up with someone. The right time never comes because you’ll keep making excuses, but his grandmother is dying and his mom keeps freaking out on him and his anxiety and depression is through the roof and it’ll be one more thing to add to his list of pretty shitty things happening in his life.

But I’m not happy. I don’t want to deal with any more of this. I want to live my life and explore other options and I know it’s best for me to be upfront and honest with him. I tried having this conversation with him and I keep crying and can’t get past much. And then he keeps denying and ignoring. He knows whats up. I know this can’t be a surprise for him. 

We messed up our lease but hopefully we’ll only have to pay a fee to break it so we can move as planned. However, we aren’t sure so we have to wait for Zach to get back into town and for the apartment manager guy to come back as well. I’m not ready to move. I don’t look forward to it. But at the same time, I’m so sick and tired of this town and living with Zach and I need a break. 

I’m keeping my head up. My future is bright if I work for it. I’m going to go back to school, hopefully do well with this new career choice. I’m going to move to Charlotte, decorate my room really cute. Find a decent stable job while I finish my new major. Maybe restart an old relationship or new ones with all types of people. I’m going to join clubs and groups. Take dance lessons, maybe even pick up the drums. Get more into different physical activities that aren’t just going to the gym. Eat even healthier and find cool restaurants and bars to frequent. Be an adult who loves and enjoys her life.

I enjoy it so much when Zach isn’t home. For some reason, I’m so much more productive when he’s not here. I got a lot of cleaning done. I’m happy with my work. I cook more because I don’t have to worry about what he’s going to eat or if he’ll like what I’m making (because most of what I eat is really clean and usually vegan). I don’t feel the stress of him being here and I hate saying this, he really kills the mood and promotes a more negative atmosphere.

I’m trying to learn how to be a more happy and positive person. I’m done with the self-deprecating jokes and the really dark outlook on life. Yeah, a lot of things in this world suck right now because humanity can’t collectively get it’s shit together. I hope eventually that mother nature kills us all and restarts a beautiful earth without such an evasive species like we are. But until then, I won’t be happy until I think happy. I look forward to going to therapy in a soonish point of my life to help. My social anxiety is improving to some degree too.

Life is just so complicated and it really doesn’t need to be but it is and that can’t be helped if I want to continue on as a member of this capitalist society. So I have to make the most of it and learn to work hard while taking care of myself. 

Meaning, I need to cut out the relationships in my life that drag me down. I don’t have a lot of relationships in my life. Most of my friendships involve me occasionally sending a text back and then forgetting to reply back or honestly, I’m just never in the mood for conversation. Texting is hard. I can’t read between the lines and I can’t see their face for cues or hear their voice. Half the time, I’m really bored when I text most people. I don’t find it engaging unless they’re pretty good at writing. 

I’m also a pathetic hopeless romantic with this crush of mine. But it’s reciprocated feelings and because of my past history with this guy, that’s something I could have never thought would actually happen. It’s almost strange, I’m seeing a side of him that I only got glimpses of before. A side I always wished and dreamed of seeing and 5 years later, I’m finally seeing it. And it’s nice. Honestly, I don’t know exactly what our standing will be once I do break up with Zach. I don’t know what’s going to happen or how much time I’ll need before I’m ready to really date again. It’s all up in the air. I don’t even know if we’ll be compatible enough for the long term. I’m going to be getting out of a 5 year relationship. I’ve learned a lot about myself and how to handle relationships through the multiple ups and downs and I’ve become more used to a relaxed intimacy rather than the rush of puppy love. Don’t get me wrong, I like the excitement of starting something new. There is also an excitement of knowing that I’m not entirely crazy for having liked this guy so much in the past. I think I made a post on tumblr explaining the situation but I’m pretty sure I deleted it. So I don’t feel like going back to see what I have mentioned and honestly, like 2 people read these so it doesn’t really matter. I more or less write these for myself because it’s therapeutic to vent into the void. 

It’s also easier than journaling because funny enough, this side blog is easier to hide than a physical notebook would be. 

I’m also appreciative that he doesn’t see me as some perfect dream girl. That was a huge fear of mine. That’s a huge reason on why I don’t want to be in this current relationship right now. I love Zach with all of my heart but not in the same way he loves me. I can’t in that same way. He doesn’t recognize my flaws, he rarely calls out my “bad” behavior. He doesn’t really help me grow as a person. But the guy I like, he has been subtly calling me out and recognizing my flawed behavior and mentioning to me as a concern of his and his honest opinions. Usually, I don’t take criticism very well but he’s making me stop and reflect. He’s doing it in such a nice way too and like, how are you already helping me kind of improve as a person and we aren’t even dating? yet, at least. 

Zach told me that he would have already proposed to me if he could have afforded a ring when I tried to bring up wanting to break up with him. Even if the engagement was a long one until we were ready to marry, that’s something he wishes he could give me.

Just that alone, tells me that he doesn’t know me as much as he thinks he does. Or maybe he doesn’t pay attention to the person that I am and he sees me more of a concept of what he thinks I am. Because since the moment we fell in love and started having multiple conversations about the future, I’ve told him that I don’t feel comfortable being proposed to until I’m at a stable point of my life. Until I’m able to provide for myself and take care of myself and that my partner would be at that point too. I told him I would say no until we got to that point. 

Second, I don’t care about an engagement ring. Especially what I’m sure he would pick out. Because I know his mom would help him pick it out and it’d be something very out of my character. Diamond. It would be diamond and probably too gaudy for my taste and too expensive for me to be comfortable with. 

Like, propose to me with a keychain. That is so much more me and much more useful than a diamond ring.

Honestly, I do want a ring. But I want it to be from a gem that we mined/found together because I want to take up rockhounding as a hobby. That would be so much more meaningful to me. A little ruby or sapphire or emerald from a NC mine. A simple ring with that stone professionally cut. That would mean the world to me. Can I just, print out instructions for the next person that wants to propose? Maybe I have to be the one to propose with this idea? But like...I want the ring...so someone better propose to me with this idea when we’re ready. It’s a great idea. 

There is just so much that we don’t see eye to eye on and I know it doesn’t bother Zach but it fucking bothers me. I want to join the peace corps and he hates the idea of me doing that. I remember bringing it up to him and then saying, you know they accept couples right? You could join too and we wouldn’t be apart. Of course that idea wasn’t up his alley either, which is fair. It’s not for everyone. But like, I feel a calling towards it and I WILL do it one day. Fuck if I will let anyone stop me from doing it. 

His view on politics is luke warm. He doesn’t have much of an opinion on anything, he just knows to agree to keep out of arguing and difficult conversations. He doesn’t call out his friends when they say things that are sexist, racist, etc. He just lets them continue on. 

He wants three kids, at least one or two being of his own blood. 

I don’t want to be pregnant. Ever. Honestly, I don’t think I even want kids. If I ever change my mind, I’d rather adopt than grow a child inside of me. We’ve talked about this and he’s okay with adopting as long as it’s a baby but like here is the thing, I don’t like babies. I’d rather adopt a child that’s past the potty training stage. I’d be fine with adopting one that’s older. I just don’t like babies and don’t know how to deal with them. I can’t even properly hold them without feeling like I’m going to drop the world’s most expensive vase. 

Also, the names he has for children are names that I don’t like. Actually, one of the names, I really fucking hate. And if we had kids, I know his mom would be a big part of helping raise them and I’m not comfortable with that. Because I don’t trust that she’d respect my parenting style and rules because if I do have kids, I want them to develop good healthy habits as soon as possible so it sticks with them for life. She’d fuck it all up because she’d be living with us and I don’t know if I can deal with the fact that she’ll be living with us when she gets older honestly. My own mom doesn’t even want to live with me when she’s older. At least not in the same house. My mom wants a tiny home in my backyard in exchange for keeping up with the garden because I don’t have a green thumb. 

Zach and I just want different things in life and every time I bring this up, he just starts to agree with me and says that being with me has changed his mind a little and he’d be willing to give those things up just to be with me. Like no! Don’t do that! Never ever ever give up on what you desire for another person! Like if you want kids, find someone who also wants kids! Why continue a relationship when you know important decisions like that will have to come up and especially with kids, man. Like bringing kids into a relationship is such a risky move if only one parent really wanted them.

I just, idk. I take the kids thing really seriously. I never want someone to change what they’ve always wanted for me. I prefer dating people who don’t want children. It’s so much easier to already have that part in agreement. 

Zach and I get along really well. Amazingly well. I’ve never meshed better with another person in my life. But we don’t share the same core values. We have the foundation made but nothing to keep it down. He doesn’t see that. He’s so willing to be flexible to fit into my life and I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone to change their life for me. I want to find someone with a complimentary lifestyle instead. That’s important to me. 

I’m just going on about all this super personal shit because I really need to vent. I could talk about these things to the guy I like but he doesn’t need to know the burden of my current relationship to that extent. Like, it’s so much. That’s also a lot of pressure to deal with. I want to be honest with him and talk about these types of things to him when the time comes though. Like, we’re already having discussions about things. For one, I know he doesn’t want kids either. We also share pretty much the same political views, I’m just pretty sure he’s more thought out and rational about who and what he supports than I am. I’m much more emotional and need to be better educated about some things. 

I look forward to possibly starting a new relationship with him. It’s shitty to say because I am currently in a relationship. I do believe I’ve crossed the line of cheating in quite a few ways. But like, emotions. I’m an emotional being. I feel things and I feel the strong desire to want to fall for someone else and I want to follow that and see where it goes. I’m up for anything. This is an adventure I want to pursue, regardless of the outcome. For all I know, we aren’t meant for each other. And that’s okay because it’s life and I’ll find someone else even better down the road if so.

I just...don’t like where I am right now. I want it to be over with.