#Holding my head in despair
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I come back and this is what I see. Absolute betrayal. I express that I have a problem and how I can be supported with said problem, BUT INSTEAD OF SUPPORT, I GET THE ONE THING THAT I SAY THAT I DON'T NEED. THIS. THIS ISN'T GOOD, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND-
two different Errors from the fanfictions I read :D Error on the left from the fanfic: Ætherverse, by: @mspandorasart Error on the right from fanfic: Perseverance, by: @pastelaspirations
#I am t r y i n g man#Knocking out your fic as quickly as I can#Which isn't quick; mind you#BUT I'M TRYING#I don't need active encouragement man#I have a serious problem#I never know when I will decide to just let something be an idea just floating around in my mind#Or o o p s. Now I got a 16k one shot#AND BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW#*It frightens me*#Holding my head in despair#Let's see if my irrational need to do as much as research as possible before writing will save us from this cursed crossover#Written by yours truly#W h a t h a v e I c o m e t o m a n-
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gotta say tho. TVL is an incredible book. show-only iwtv fans truly do not understand the complexity of Lestat, his nobility of purpose, his strength of self, his philosophical questioning of existence and desire to understand and affect, and the depth of passion that fans have for him because of getting to hear his story so intimately through his own words. when fandom reduces him to vain, stupid, abusive, catty, it betrays a complete lack of understanding of his character, in a way that benefits no one because his story is as transcendently transformative for the reader as it was for himself. like, show fans, if you read one book in TVC, just one, read The Vampire Lestat. It's truly a beautiful, gripping, and moving journey and you will completely rethink your ideas about him.
#iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire chronicles#Anne's writing has this effect on me of being so vast in existential concept and introspection that I have trouble holding it all in me#I'll read passages where I have to just sit there like. Whoa#like it's too big for my brain. i can't wrap my head around all of it at once.#she cuts so deep to the very raw heart of human nature#she had so Much to say on the nature of existence.#lestat being this bastion of persistence and light and strength that frightened and angered other vampires#he refused to give into despair and fall wallowing into that vast black gulf that nicki or armand dwelled in#he was the perfect devil for a new age. and at the same time he craved goodness and was full of love for humanity#while also firmly believing in no god or devil or meaning to life at all#like seriously this book should be taught in schools#*banging pots and pans together* you can't possibly hate lestat after reading TVL!!
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Sorry for the shit quality babes i think im on an artblock and for some reason i cant find myself to be interested in anything, and have any energy to move and take care of my responsibilities
I think David Chiem projected with mind beams his lack of motivation onto me
Charwhit 💖
I wanna post about them more
#i have this fantasy inside my head#where when they wake up#in the morning#and they're married or so and charles is making pancakes#and he just picks Whit up#like by the hips or#i dont know#and kinda holds him above himself and kisses him and they have this tender moment#and he kinda spins him around#and it's fun and it's so fucking silly#and they're both laughing at this point#and it's the best morning ever anf they're so cute actually#<333 h#charwhit#whit young#charles cuevas#drdt#danganronpa despair time
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Thinkin about doing a persona redesign for Pandora; i really. really. really dont like it 😭
#chattin#strikers liveblog#its so bad. its SO bad.#if theres like. an extremely specific reference for it then it flew over my head#everyones designs are sooooo….not necessarily flashy but like. its fitting? its detailed ?#i think its like. u have the means to do whatever u want w this design ??#the flavor text is literally ‘she unleashed evil but also revealed Hope so that humans wouldnt despair’#and like. there was NO way that couldve been interpreted in a different way than Floating Two Toned Woman#wanna give her a bit of the emma aesthetic w the extra arms; maybe having them reach out holding a heart or maybe a desire#ALSO thinking of it opening up like Mot ie similar to a coffin#the image of a hand (or hands) coming out of an object to perform an action is really clicking w me#ill sketch some stuff later then
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I freaking love them, my beloved(s) <3 <3 Made the wings and paws look e a s y, bro, w h a t-
More of the wonderful dragons from @paintedkinzy-88's wonderful AU
today we have Error and his tiny counterpart Ink!
[Life/Reaper]
[Dream/Nightmare]
#I tried drawing these two myself back in the day#I almost died#It was fun but o h m y g o d#I notice your technique to do the bones#Way smarter than what I did tbh#Fully outlined/colored in that crap and t h e n lowered the transparency#Holding my head in despair
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I remember talking to a friend last week and saying that if I'm reading obsessively it either means I'm extremely happy or extremely in need of help. alas goodreads my good pal you have GOT to be kidding me
#i have hit 60 books this year. we are three days into april. i have not been at the pinnacle of happiness this year so it is not that lol#ah well we hit rock bottom we bounce back up! i am trying to claw my way to the surface again!#granted this has been a series of not great distracting tactics to get my mind off the Horrors (i.e. through the mass consumption of#stories in book and film form) but at least i'm recognising and acknowledging it now#i need to actually deal with the Horrors so that there's a chance they'll actually go away!#but i am glad that i HAVE been surrounded by good stories. it has helped. it has been a method of conflict avoidance#in all areas of my life but it HAS helped to have those stories of hope hammered into my head and heart#anyway it looks like i HAVE lost a friend or am very close to losing one because it has been 1.5 weeks and there has been zero response#and there's a ton of Decisions i have to sort through this week#along with other mental health assessments my GP wants me to do#but God is good and He has been very patient with all the bouts of despair and loneliness and frustration etc etc#i just need to keep holding on and keep clawing my way upwards#despite all my failures as a friend and student and probably as a daughter as well this year there has been a lot of grace#and i am trying not to dwell on the past#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21
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dooooooble while watchin v3
#eggs can art#danganronpa#junko enoshima#makoto naegi#dont tag as ship pretty please#drthh#kinda#i unno close enough#yeah so like junko n naegi yeah#gonna put my rant about the “antagonist” character slot in dr games here#because I feel like rival fits better#and cause like#togami specifically feels more like a rival to naegi in dr1 in that they like. antithesize each other but in a way that compliments each#other. and like. I unno I feel like the role of Antagonist should be saved for the mastermind. the guy who comes in to fuck up every trial#doesnt want everyone to die or anything yknow?#sharp left turn Junko and Naegi are two sides of the same coin in my head and my heart#makes sense since they're hope and despair disrespectfully but like. even just the way that they view the world and other people#even when it comes down to the effect they have on people#Naegi inspires the rest of the survivor squad to keep going and hold onto hope even when facing the woman who ended the world herself#Junko literally turned a class' worth of kids into terrorists#and yknow *vaguely gestures at Mikan*
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I am so silly about Gehrman’s cut dialouge. He is so very very miserable in the Dream and he knows how to get out of it. But he’s not gonna do that is he? No cus he promised this dead guy he’d wait for him.
#the way he talks about being of use despite his age and sadness makes me go so mad he sees his ownly purpose as releasing others from#like this hell hes in#what the hell#the moon divorce essay will be finished whenever i stop taking breaks every 5 minutes to hold my head in my hands in despair#the rat speaks#moon divorce#sure ill put this in the#bloodborne#tag#it is my goal to subject as many people as possible to how homoerotic gehr and lozza used to be#gehrman the first hunter#laurence the first vicar
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I understand why people carry dt17 scrooge's teasing into glomscrooge content based on the show, but please consider how embarrassing it would be for him to admit that he likes this glomgold. I'd kill myself honestly
#scromtxt#I like to think that while scrooge does figure out that glomgold likes him before glomgold himself does#he figures out his own emotions first#and is absolutely inconsolable#he like. starts off with furious denial but is smart enough to get over that quickly#so then he just sinks into complete despair#not because it's unrequited or anything. but because it's glomgold#at this point in my head#scrooge subconsciously sees glomgold as an equal and holds a bit of respect for him#but he hasn't consciously caught onto that fact yet#so he just fucking hates himself. he thinks this is a fate worse than death#he can't tease glomgold properly now because he knows glomgold won in the stupidest way possible#do I think dt17 scrooge can admit that he *cares* about glomgold? yes. he literally wants him to be happy#do I think dt17 scrooge would rather dig himself a shallow grave than admit he wants to hold glomgold's hand? also yes. sorry#dt17#scromgold#dt17 scrooge#ducktales 2017#I hope this isn't too much of a hot take or anything#<- man who is deathly afraid of conflict finds himself having Opinions
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I am forever torn between wanting Shion to be Towa under a different name or wanting Shion to be separate because I am Positive he is the mermaid either way. But I can't tell if I'd rather have it feel more satisfying (Towa has a Ton of connections to mermaids and sirens so if he turns out to be one that feels satisfying) or if I'd rather have the comedic potential skyrocket trying to envision Haru getting tossed between two weird little unhinged men
#I know the third option is that shion is a way adult man and haru just has to hold his debt#but that feels unlikely?? unless its like. harus father or whatever. Still unlikely imo#But imagine if shion is a 4th year or was one of the dionysia kids#and haru took care of him on account of being good w anomalous animals#and towa is so stupid jealous abt it#shion the original interloper#one day ill go crazy and make up a ton of shit about shion and post it like hes my oc and then TD will be like um actually#And ill hang my head in despair#shion genkai#eset speaks#eset td
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long overdue tag dump since I'm transitioning this to a single muse for Makoto (fully at some point)
in character — only my heart‚ that won’t give up.
crack — what‚ there’s misfortune again?! come on!
out of character — hey‚ the radio’s on the fritz!
musings — i swore to live‚ holding on to all the wounds i received.
gallery — no matter how far he went‚ he was an ordinary person you could find anywhere.
d.r — overcoming the temptation of despair‚ i start running to the end of the world’s spiral.
f.go — advancing through the white world‚ i am a spark that never burns away.
h.sr — my head feels like it's on fire‚ but my legs are fine.
unspecified / modern — tomorrow will surely be a good day.
#in character — only my heart‚ that won’t give up.#crack — what‚ there’s misfortune again?! come on!#out of character — hey‚ the radio’s on the fritz!#musings — i swore to live‚ holding on to all the wounds i received.#gallery — no matter how far he went‚ he was an ordinary person you could find anywhere.#d.r — overcoming the temptation of despair‚ i start running to the end of the world’s spiral.#f.go — advancing through the white world‚ i am a spark that never burns away.#h.sr — my head feels like it's on fire‚ but my legs are fine.#unspecified / modern — tomorrow will surely be a good day.
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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worst nightmare has occurred (character i enjoy getting a decent amount of attention now but it's all shipping)
#no it's not monch thank god#it's. :( it's soz......#like i get the appeal of this ship in particular because I also like to think of a relationship between them but I vastly prefer it#as a platonic one#n now the tag...... both here and on ao3.......... is all ship... and i just have to be here. and experience Being Torn#because on one hand Yayyyy my funny ant yayyy! on the other hand.#no................. no not in the romance fanfic tropes no....... no.... (voice wracked with despair) no.....#whatever . i cannot pretend to be ''better'' when my brain is also preoccupied by ship bullshit at the moment so WHATever.#i'm just being a little hater . I do not hold any actual ill will towards people enjoying their silly little rarepair sdhGKJH I get it#u guys have fun.#(she turns around and giggles as she makes a moth and axolotl kiss in her head)#clamtalk
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Me reading this: "awwwwww shes adorableeeeeee🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺I love her" *kisses her on the forehead 200000 times*
*read a little more* :))))
Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
#WHO DID THIS#WHO REJECTED HER#I WANNA MUNCH ON THEM (HANNAH JOSH ERIN MEAT DOG STYLE)#I AM IN DESPAIR WITH HER#😭😭😭😭😭#*gently holds her*#ANYWAYS GUYS NEW SMG OBSESSION JUST DROPPED😍😍😍😍#The Inpatient#Supermassive Games#Victoria LaBoucher#cant wait for this game to rotate in my head like a cold pizza in the microwave
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rules: in a new post, post the names of all the files in you wip folder regardless of how non descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet or tell us about it. and then tag as many people as you have wips
@hergan416 tagged my YGO account but since my WIPs are all over the place, Imma use this account instead hah Be prepared. I have a lot of WIPs
Additionally; due to the reasons listed above, I will add fandom/ships behind the file names. Italics: drabbles, no plan on publishing, mostly written for friends. Bold: multi-chapters in need of a new chapter.
This is going to be extremely long, so the Read More is more of a warning than anything.
Okay so. To not subject the poor souls I'm tagging to the horror of scrolling through the read more, I will tag them now.
@thenarcolepticone, @ami-v-dragnire, @forloveoflibertea, @moophinz, @egyptiansapphiredragons and @yuugisbarber
DMC exchange but make it a group project (Devil May Cry, Vergil/Dante)
A not entirely useful lesson in history (Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal, Gen)
Tell me how he touched you (One Piece, Robin/Dragon)
Nightly Visit (Yuukoku no Moriarty, Fred/Bonde)
Blind Mermaid AU That's Lacking A Title/Sonar (Hetalia, USUK)
How Angels Are Made (Hetalia, USUK)
The World Is Rotten (But I Need Your Help) (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Entrust)
some mpreg angst (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
A Night With The Spirit (Avatar The Last Airbender, Zukaang)
Don't You Puyo With Me (Hetalia, USUK)
Prompt 1 (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Gen)
Prompt 2 Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
(Not) Less Of A Person (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
Touch Me (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
You, Lovely You (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Entrust)
Let Me Blur Your Lines (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Entrust)
Seahorse (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
Don't Call Me Daddy (Hetalia, USUK)
Press Me Up Against Your Lips
Into The Kaibaverse (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
Fatal Meeting (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
Our Transfer Student Can't Be This Cute (Miraculous Ladybug, Adrienette)
Like and Subscribe To My Heart (Hetalia, USUK)
Remnant (Mob Psycho 100, Gen)
Voice Pining or alternatively It's Been A While (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Datastorm)
I want to see you smile (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Datastorm)
Crimson Flavoured (Avatar The Last Airbender, Zukaang)
VRAINS Shipweek (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, various)
Do You See Me (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
The Spirit Of The Ring (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Mage)
Play My Little Game (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Datastorm)
Fake Datastorm December (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Datastorm)
Roxanne (Hetalia, CanNyo!Eng)
Mirage (Hetalia, USUK)
Time travelling cardverse (Hetalia, USUK)
Seto following the Kaibaverse (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
The Legend Never Dies (Hetalia, USUK)
Devoted Christian Halfblood (Percy Jackson, Gen)
Full Moon (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
3chan (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
People really liked the proposal AU (Hetalia, USUK)
Year of the OTP 2023 (various)
Rosa ft Arthur (Hetalia, Gen)
Belle Smut (Beauty and the Beast, Belle/Beast)
Basically Mona Rules Them All (Hetalia, various)
Unnamed Document (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
KaruShuu Drabbles (Assassination Classroom, Karma/Gakushuu)
White Day fic Diurnal (Hetalia, USUK)
Shatter Me (Assassination Classroom, Karma/Gakushuu)
Drabble to adopt (Hetalia, USUK)
YGOME fem!Judai (Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Rival)
The Memory Of A Beloved (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, MokuSera)
Perfect Stranger (Hetalia, USUK)
Out Of The Dark (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Datastorm)
Money for Love/National Anthem (Hetalia, EngMona/USUK)
Oscar (Hetalia, USUK)
Among Mortals (Hetalia, USUK)
False Prince (AKA lame title) (Hetalia, USUK)
Ice Villain Fire Hero (Hetalia, USUK)
Deaf Werewolf Blind Vampire (Hetalia, USUK)
First Day Out (Hetalia, USUK)
Arthur Kirkland's Special Circumstances (Hetalia, USUK)
BuzzFeed Unsolved (Hetalia, USUK)
About Androids and Ancients (Hetalia, USUK)
Sam? Ham? Sham? (Hetalia, USUK)
Small....Big Blunder (Hetalia, USUK)
Arthur (Hetalia, USUK)
Blind, Deaf, Mute. (Hetalia, USUK)
Cookies and Slumberparties (Hetalia, USUK)
Youtube AU (Hetalia, USUK)
Ancient meets Sci-Fi (Hetalia, USUK)
Small dirty lizard thing (Hetalia, USUK)
Mutualism
More (inacurate) intersex England (Hetalia, USUK)
Self indulgent headcanon thing (Hetalia, USUK)
Sand Planet (Hetalia, USUK)
For Maiden (Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS, Datastorm)
Comparsion and other hijinks (Yu-Gi-Oh, various)
German prideshipping (Yu-Gi-Oh DM, Pride)
Kissing Babies (all) (Yu-Gi-Oh, various)
Short short drabbles (Yu-Gi-Oh, various)
Drabble Games (Hetalia, Gen, various)
NSFW Drabble Games (Hetalia, various)
Tentacles 'n Stuff (Hetalia, USUK)
Rosa fucks monsters (Hetalia, Nyo!England/monster)
NSFW Request (Hetalia, USUK)
Two (2) of the WIPs listed don't have anything to identify them, as I don't remember what I made them for, and since they're empty docs, I'll just have to count on me remembering at some point in life. *shrugs* Not the first time this happened. I always remember at some point.
#yu-gi-oh vrains#avatar the last airbender#one piece#devil may cry#yuukoku no moriarty#yu-gi-oh#assassination classroom#yu-gi-oh zexal#beauty and the beast#mob psycho 100#miraculous ladybug#i did not count these and never will#left out: all the shit I still have on wattpad#also left out: ideas I have written down physically#*holds my head in despair* help#hime talks
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Chikage’s 3rd flair (the usual fanservice minichat one) has him talk about how the Spring troupe is trying to get information out of him, and yet that way he learns more about them and he enjoys getting to know more abut them, and then he turns to Izumi like “do you want to hear more about me? okay. lean me your ear” and then he gets EXTREMELY CLOSE TO THE CAMERA TO REALLY TRANSLATE THAT HE IS WHISPERING DIRECTLY TO HER EAR
and it’s to say how he prefers to eat his curry. he’s CLOWNING ME.
and then he ends up being all teasy because :) yeah it’s still learning about me! and it’s implied Izumi gets pouty because he replies something that a friend of mine translated "Well, there's no need to know in hurry. We'll be getting along for a long time, right?” but google translate translated the “getting along” part as “we’ll be in a long relationship after all”
and i’m
i’m having a moment.
#i usually kinda skip those and don't try to read them#bc my understanding of Japanese is really on the basis so far#but i skip them by tapping on the screen bc it's faster than reaching for the button skip#and SO SEEING HIM GET THIS CLOSE JUMPSCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME#so i tried to read through the rest and looked at a translator and then asked a friend who is fluent to help me make sure i got it right#and i got quickly the whole 'let me tell you a secret' *invades your personal space* *says something relatively silly*#LIKE it's STILL SOMETHING ABOTU HIM and it's sweet but it was clearly not what people were fishing for and he knows it!!#and I KNEW. I KNEEEEW HE WAS DOING THAT#im. weeps and holds my head into my hands in despair.#it has no right working on me so well i hate it#and once again with his 'we'll have a long relationship so it's fine you'll get to know more in that time'#it adds so much to the fact one of his way to flirt is so much so constantly proposing or acting like they're engaged#and then going 'i'm joking though. or am i. :).'#like geez talk about commitment#and i'm not going to derail myself thinking about man. commitment for a man who had to always be on the move and everything.#like. bites fist.#but yeah anyway i was in public when i was going through this and i almost fucking cried on the spot#and i felt myself turning red like a complete idiot#so fuck this fuck this fuck t-#ichablogging a3jpn
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