#Hitler's balls

[tiramegtoons]

extras cause i forgor

your Tali'Zorah looks so good @asunder-aim

also Yomiel is ded how could you/j @areindeerlime to quote @geiraan

[visualbackwash]

"Hitler's only got one ball"

rewritten for modern audiences facing a new kind of nazi.

[dickensianenglishbulldog]

The Royal Albert hall: paragon of the arts; uniter of people and receptacle for the testicle of a dictator.

[duskmite]

binged the first nine episodes of ted lasso in one sitting and have to say that though the transition from wanker (derogatory) to wanker (affectionate) is beautiful, real life british football fans would’ve come up with a song so brutal and demoralising it would make the usually unflappable ted consider walking into the ocean

[othernaut]

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society: the funniest fucking Wikipedia article I've ever read.

It starts off so, so strong.

You know you're getting into some prime, dry-narrative/hilarious-subject Wikipedia magic here. The sheer absurdity of the phrase slaps you in the face like a single, tyrannical testicle. But what is the subject, if not Hitler's lonely genital? To quote:

"Hitler Has Only Got One Ball", sometimes known as "The River Kwai March", is a World War II British song, the lyrics of which, sung to the tune of the World War I-era "Colonel Bogey March", impugn the masculinity of Nazi leaders by alleging they had missing, deformed, or undersized testicles."

And again...

"The song has been cited as an example of morally-correct disrespect that used political mockery to boost morale in wartime."

So, in short, a meme song. A World War II meme song. About Hitler's balls. Ball. But Hitler's ball does not stand alone! We have so many other nads to talk about, as the lyrics propose:

"Hitler has only got one ball, Göring has two but very small, Himmler is rather sim'lar, But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all."

And which, being magical, beautiful Wikipedia, came...

... with reference images...

... the world's most beautifully captioned reference images...

... for every single line...

... of the song. Fuck me, I need these printed on a flag, that I might wave it around at protests.

The article then just delves into analysis, the kind of in-depth Hitler Study analysis that comes from generations of bone-dry academics with respected positions and better salaries than me picking apart every single word, reference, and poetic intimation of a four-line World War II meme song. For example...

Suggestions, opinions, papers written about Hitler's one ball. Respected academics whistling the ball song in between measured responses. And what the hell is mad studies?

Well, that's going to be me for the rest of the night. But no! We mustn't get distracted! If we do, we miss the gender theory!

The Shakespeare!

The guy trying to profit off of the meme song!

The apocrypha!

And the second verse!

Rommel has four or five, I guess, No one's quite sure 'bout Rudolf Hess, Schmeling's always yelling, But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

Which is where we get into the most wonderfully Wikipedia part of it all as, being a hyperlinked encyclopedia of everything, every single reference, diversion, supposition, paper, field of study, side subject and random-ass tangent links into an evening's worth of wide-eyed eurekae initiated, again, by a World War II meme song about testicles. Nothing has made me want to donate two bucks to Wikipedia more than this.

History is a liquid. It takes the shape of its container, that being the cultural context of the present moment. The most magical moments in history, I find, are those points when people act like people - Pompeii's dirty graffiti, the fart enlightenment poem, the sports riots, the little obsessions, in-jokes, and memes. That jolt of connection when you see a 2,000-year-old dick drawn onto a latrine wall and recognize not only what it is but why it is - that is actually, seriously one of the most compelling feelings of human unity there is. People are still people. People were always people. Farts will always be funny. When we're alone and scared, we'll sing songs about balls, and that's unironically what makes us wonderful.

And so, in the same vein, to the same melody, but for a new time, I'd like to submit...

Bezos' dick fell off in space

Jerkin' it on the human race

Elon's has got no feelin'

I don't think Zuck had one in the first place.

[mads-weasley]

Numbers 1 and 25 for the historical ask! Wondering if we could change #1 to be favorite historical woman!! 🖤

Hello!! I love these questions!!

Who is your favorite historical woman?

Okay, there are so, so many, but one of my favorites is actually Abigail Adams! When the Constitution was being written, she constantly nagged her husband (John Adams) to "remember the ladies!" Even though he ✨ didn't ✨ I love her bravery in fighting for the rights of women even in the 1770s & 80s.

25. Most overrated historical figure in your opinion?

Okay, no offense to my British friends on here, but I think Neville Chamberlain is one of the most overrated historical figures. He let Hitler get exactly what he wanted leading up to WW2, even if he didn't realize it, ofc (and was being played by Hitler). Appeasement clearly didn't work, and the Czech people paid the price of the Munich Agreement exactly one year before Hitler invaded Poland in '39.

[ergativeabsolutive]

On the one hand, the fine details of the future of the post-US space are really something we can only answer when a “post-US” anything is actually in the cards, and insufficiently informed imbeciles (myself included!) arguing about it on the internet basically solves nothing.

On the other hand, it is absolutely a big deal and something that needs to be talked about repeatedly, indefinitely, and without delay because the stakes are too high. While there is an urgent need for revolution, it’s something we really have to do right or not at all. We cannot afford to get it wrong, honestly. I fully believe that a social-imperialist America would be (or at least risk becoming!) even worse than the dying US empire is even really capable of being, in so many ways.

[ladythatsmyskull]

From Tortoise Beats Hare (1943). 

[beggars-opera]

Because someone is on the ball, Turner Classic is playing (among other WWII films) The Great Dictator today.

If you haven't seen it, please do. It was produced by Charlie Chaplin in the late 1930s, when it became clear that the war was going to happen, and came out in 1940 after it had started. Essentially, Chaplin realized that his famous mustache was about to be usurped forever by a fascist, and that fascist was going to kill a lot more people in the future than he had already.

It's a parody, made before the worst horrors of the Nazi regime were known to the general public, so there is discomfort here (if you've seen Disney's Der Fuhrer's Face, you'll get the idea), but the movie ends with Chaplin essentially saying "fuck it, no one else seems to be speaking out about this and I'm going to use my platform to do that."

For context, this character is a Jew who has been mistaken for the dictator (for obvious mustache-related reasons), and has been sent onstage at a rally to give a speech. Instead of trying to impersonate Hitler, he says what he really thinks. And keep in mind, Chaplin was coming out of semi-retirement for this. It was the first time most people had ever heard him speak, and this is what he said:

[syrinq]

thinking about the fact that the jelly bean janemba dragon ball movie has a comedy sideplot with fucking adolf hitler in it

[hollow-keys]

I can't believe I missed the anniversary of Hitler shooting himself this year.

[mugiwara-lucy]

Imagine if Vegeta ACTUALLY stayed dead after this.

this moment in fusion reborn is killing me.. I've never seen these expressions on their faces before. they both look so happy and sad at the same time. vegeta accepting and returning goku's genuine offer of affection was so so good. what more can i say do u understand

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you seriously, actually ship it?

Okay. Lets talk. Because apparently some of you are defending... well... "that" (under the cut)

"He's autistic! It was a stim!"

If you genuinely think that this has ANYTHING to do with autism, you are an objectively stupid person. Like, your brain is so fucking smooth, it puts the surface of freshly tempered glass to shame. You're a barely functional reprobate with subhuman intelligence who has no idea how to form thoughts so you let a 50 year old billionaire who spends too much time on his phone decide your thought process for you.

"He was throwing his heart out to the crowd!"

Now, I don't really play baseball, basketball, netball, or any sport where you throw anything other than sometimes darts, but... is that how you throw? You perfectly extend your arm at that angle? Twice? After spending years posting tweets that very much align with Nazi viewpoints? Do you throw a pitch in baseball and scream SIEG HEIL as the ball hurtles towards your opponent? No. Stop being a fucking idiot. This was deliberate. He did it twice.

"He's autistic! He doesn't know better!"

Please comment if you actually think this so I can personally call you a stupid cunt and block you. We absolutely do know better. Autism and Nazism aren't mutually exclusive.

"You're inhibiting his free speech!"

1st amendment only applies to censorship from government positions of power, which I am not, as should be obvious from the fact that I have no power to censor him. Though I shouldn't have to explain that.

"Well, he's gonna get away with it so stop being so sensitive!"

Yes. He is. But that's not a flex, that's A FUCKING MASSIVE PROBLEM. Call me sensitive if you want, but absolutely every single one of you should be offended by this. Did you pay attention in history class, or were you too tired after a long night of being fucking railed raw and bone dry by propaganda on Twitter? Moron.

"Well, he's rich and you're not, so there!"

Yep. Got me there. He's rich, and I'm not. Yknow, Hitler and a lot of Nazi officers were pretty minted too. So was Epstein, King Leopold, Stalin, Jimmy Saville, every MP currently serving in parliament... but sure, they're great people because they're rich, right?

"You're just a stupid offended libtard!"

Google "The Holocaust".

"Well, you're still using his app!"

His app? You mean the one he bought, then fucking ruined because he has no idea how to run it, right? And you because its basically impossible to find mutuals as a vtuber without it, you knew that, right? "His" app, please, you probably think Ronald McDonald makes your burger when you order McDonalds, you moron.

"If we punish Elon for this, then that's a violation of the first amendment!"

You mean like banning tiktok, removing any and all talk of election rigging, then putting it back up the next day? Or maybe like deleting any criticisms of you and your nazi salutes under your recent tweets despite it blowing up everywhere else? Or does that not count because its something you agree with? Yeah. You've been cucked harder than Sneako and you don't even realize it. Elon and his government buddies are leaving your free speech rights looking like this

Aaaaanyway

I find it well and truly laughable that so many people like Elon will say all this insane shit and do all these fucking heinous things and people will defend them. Like how that gun woman who shit herself says stuff like "I'm not homophobic, I just think gay people are disgusting and that they should die" or that comedian nobody finds funny anymore spends hours whining about trans people but says he's not transphobic.

Lets all be on the same page for once and have the balls to say what we actually think. Elon got so close, but being a spineless edgelord who doesn't have the balls to just say what he thinks out loud is quite the weakness.

[girlactionfigure]

This was written by Eric Hoffer in 1968. Amazing how some things never change.

"The Jews are a peculiar people: things permitted to other nations are forbidden to the Jews.

Other nations drive out thousands, even millions of people and there is no refugee problem. Russia did it, Poland and Czechoslovakia did it, Turkey threw out a million Greeks, and Algeria a million Frenchmen. Indonesia threw out heaven knows how many Chinese-and no one says a word about refugees. But in the case of Israel the displaced Arabs have become eternal refugees. Everyone insists that Israel must take back every single Arab. Arnold Toynbee calls the displacement of the Arabs an atrocity greater than any committed by the Nazis.

Other nations when victorious on the battlefield dictate peace terms. But when Israel is victorious it must sue for peace. Everyone expects the Jews to be the only real Christians in this world.

Other nations when they are defeated survive and recover but should Israel be defeated it would be destroyed. Had Nasser triumphed last June he would have wiped Israel off the map, and no one would have lifted a finger to save the Jews.

No commitment to the Jews by any government, including our own, is worth the paper it is written on. There is a cry of outrage all over the world when people die in Vietnam or when two Negroes are executed in Rhodesia. But when Hitler slaughtered Jews no one remonstrated with him.

The Swedes, who are ready to break of diplomatic relations with America because of what we do in Vietnam, did not let out a peep when Hitler was slaughtering Jews. They sent Hitler choice iron ore, and ball bearings, and serviced his troop trains to Norway.

The Jews are alone in the world. If Israel survives, it will be solely because of Jewish efforts. And Jewish resources. Yet at this moment Israel is our only reliable and unconditional ally. We can rely more on Israel than Israel can rely on us. And one has only to imagine what would have happened last summer had the Arabs and their Russian backers won the war to realize how vital the survival of Israel is to America and the West in general.

I have a premonition that will not leave me; as it goes with Israel so will it go with all of us. Should Israel perish the holocaust will be upon us."

Uri Kurlianchik

@VerminusM

[dandelionjack]

let’s kill hitler sucks absolute balls but you have to admit that freshly regenerated batshit insane teenage murderer river song going “oh, i was just on my way to a gay rromani bar mitzvah for the disabled when i suddenly thought, gosh, the third reich’s a bit rubbish, i think i’ll kill the fuhrer” to a bunch of nazi guards, promptly taking 25 bullets and shaking them off like she’s in a perfume commercial is one of the hardest sequences in the entire show. you can almost see ‘written and directed by quentin tarantino’