#Hey my parents were under mind control and could’ve killed us too!

[virianhaven]

It’s realizing Violet and Varian would have the wildest conversations about their lives.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Can we take a moment to talk about what a tragic character Minerva is? Y’all know that for the longest time I haven’t been the biggest fan of her, and honestly I’m still not? but I think I might’ve had a breakthrough on why that is. 

Whenever I’ve asked around to see why people find her so appealing or why they consider her their favorite, I’ll get answers like, “she’s such a complex character and she deserved a redemption arc!” or “she should’ve come back to the school with us! Let Minnie be happy, you cowards! Telltale did her dirty! I could write paragraph after paragraph about her!” all sorts of things along those lines… but like, no one seems to want to actually talk about her. I find that interesting? Since when I do follow up with a “care to explain further?” I get nothing. Radio static. Like…. no, talk to me please, I just wanna understand-

Minerva within the context of TFS is such a tragedy. She grew up in a school for troubled youth where all the adults left them for death at the start of the breakout, they had walkers trying to eat the living all around them, and I’m sure she saw her fair share of traumatic violence and despair… but on the bright side, she always had her twin sister, Sophie, and little brother, Tenn. She had her friend and eventual girlfriend, Violet. She had music, and a dorm full of pretty paintings done by Sophie. She and Louis composed a song together to make everyone feel better. There are worse places to live than the school. 

Then one day she got traded away to a bunch of raiders against her will, having no idea what the hell these people were gonna do to her and Sophie. They were made to be soldiers to fight in a war that had nothing to do with them. The delta fucking broke her. If we’re to believe Lilly’s story about the twins, they started their brainwashing process early on when Sophie was still alive, and it seems like Minerva was easier to control as Sophie was still planning a way out and causing trouble. Then, when Sophie convinced her to steal a boat and get the hell out, they got caught and the delta forced her to murder her own twin sister. 

Like…. I’m sorry, not only did Minerva kill her own sister, but she was made to believe that was the right thing to do? That line she says about how she had to prove her loyalty to the place she calls home? That shit’s ingrained in her brain, you can tell that isn’t the first time she’s heard or said that very thing. That is what made her family to the delta. Delta is her home now, her family. Sophie was just a thing that needed to be dealt with. You keep your head down, do as you’re told, and you survive.  You survive and you get to go home, eat a hot meal, take a shower, and be with your delta family.  If not, you end up like Sophie.

What’s also fucked is that Minerva actually cares about these people now. Think about that. After everything they did to her and made her do, she’s been trained to see them as her family and obey. When you save Louis and he kills Dorian, Minerva actually cries out and is visibly hurt by her death. When she’s with the other raiders on land, she's screaming at walkers to get away from them. She cares about the people who made her kill Sophie… and no one ever talks about that??

She fucking hates Clementine. Clementine is just another thing in Minnie’s way. I know the part of the fandom likes to ship these two together and they think it’s hot when they fight and shit, but within the canon text, Minerva wants Clementine gone. Dead. She is the thing stopping her from having her old family merge with her new family. If Clementine hadn’t made them fight, they all would’ve been captured and they’d all be a delta family now. She would’ve had Tenn back. 

Clementine is the problem, she made everyone fight back and that’s why people are dead. Minerva hates her for it… it’s not a “I hate you but like the sexual tension, y’know?” that I see people pretend it is, it’s “you are ruining everything and if I have to, I will kill you myself and I won’t give a second thought about it when they toss your body overboard.”

Like….. seriously, think about how fucked up all of this is. Minerva is a husk of who she was before she was taken away. Sure, you do have to keep in mind that when Tenn and Violet are describing her, their sights are a bit clouded, y’know? But I do believe that she was someone who was kind and cared about people, she wanted to make people feel safe and comforted. 

Now she’s a brainwashed soldier who won’t help the people she used to call friends when they’re about to get limbs cut off. She won’t hesitate to knock someone unconscious or threaten a child.  She’s willing to trick them into being captured with no regard for what’s going to happen to them. … all she knows is this was the mission, and now they all get to be together again back at the delta. 

Then when she finds out there’s a bomb on the boat, she ditches Violet to blow up with it in order to make it to land herself. She loses her shit seeing everyone die and gets her face chewed off by a walker… and then she tries to blow Clementine and AJ up with a grenade. 

Oh, and who can forget the fact that she tracks the group down with plans of murdering Tenn so that they can go to a better place together? And she’ll take down anyone who gets in her way?

Like….. jesus christ, Minerva’s waaaaay too far gone. It’s awful. 

I think that’s what stumps me about why she’s so loved in the way that she is. It’s not that I don’t understand why she’s complex and well-written, I get that perfectly fine. She’s a compelling character study when you comb over all her scenes and take different factors into account.

What I don’t understand is why we tend to just throw everything interesting about her away? For what? 

These days, I never see anyone talking about any of this unless they’re insisting she deserved a redemption arc which…. Eh, I’ll touch on this later. What I mostly see here and mostly other platforms is how great it would be if she and Clementine made out, or hey what if she and Violet got back together if she did come back to the school? Or they just….the best term I have for this is “uwu-ify.” As in she’s reduced to a caricature of a tall, pretty, mean, white lesbian who has “good damage.” 

People insist that Telltale are cowards or bastards because their predictions of her turning on the delta to save Clem and crew didn’t happen. Instead, Minerva ends up being the final baddie you gotta get away from, and she ends up taking someone down with her. But did you really expect to just do a 180 and suddenly decide being brainwashed for over a year was lame and Clementine and friends are cool? Gonna help them out and be with Tenn again? Sure, there’s some left over trauma but love conquers and fixes everything, right?

Uh…. no? That’s not how people work? Honestly, if we entertain the idea that Minerva wasn’t bit and somehow didn’t murder Clementine when they all got back to the school…. romance is the last thing she is ever gonna think of??

I think that’s what bothers me most when reading these au’s and rants about redemption and the entire idea of clemerva as a whole. It’s the same thing that I see happen with Violet- Minerva only has value to fans if she’s in a wlw relationship. By herself, she doesn’t matter. They don’t care about her canon story, they don’t care about Sophie, they don’t care about discussing what could’ve happened if she and Tenn reunited under better circumstances or had a healing recovery together. But why?

Throwing a girlfriend at her isn’t some band aid that’s gonna cover up all the bad she went through?? Having an enemies to lovers romance with Clementine isn’t going to fix a years worth of brainwashing, trauma or the fact that she murdered her own sister and the delta told her she's proved her worth to them?? 

Having the support of those around her is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. The idea of the Ericson crew as a whole trying to help her out and do the best they can to accommodate her is bittersweet since there’s only so much they can do. They’re not trained therapists, which is what Minerva would need and plenty of years ahead of her to work through and come to terms with everything that happened as well as taking steps forward. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have friends or that she couldn’t have a healthy romantic relationship someday... but that isn’t the solution, y’know? 

I don’t know how else to explain this, but it makes me feel weird that all of this stuff is flat out overlooked or doesn’t appear to matter to fans of her. 

Look, I get it. We all want these characters to be happy. AU’s are a thing, after all. Sometimes we want to forget about the bad things and focus on the good that bring us comfort. You wanna gush about the idea of an AU where the twins never got traded, the raiders didn’t exist, and Clementine got to meet them the way they were before? I feel that, AU’s are super comforting and fun to explore, and my point isn’t to try and shame anyone who has an AU you like this. 

Hell, you think I don’t have days where I pretend mute Louis isn’t a thing because the whole concept of Louis having his tongue cut out of his mouth breaks my fucking heart? No, lot’s of days I just want to forget everything about that route, I want to set aside all the bad and just intake as much clouis fluff as I can get…. But that doesn’t mean I always ignore or refuse to acknowledge the bad just because I don’t like it. I fucking hate the fact that Louis loses his tongue when you don’t save him, but guess what? That’s a canon route you can play, just like any other route, and the possibilities that come with a mute Louis are vast and compelling. 

This is how it is for me… my favorite characters are my favorite for a reason, and I take all the bad with the good. Louis isn’t perfect, and I don’t want him to be. I was to dive into his backstory about why did that to his parents, I like to talk about what he went through with Marlon’s murder and his feelings about AJ and Clementine at the point, I like to view his love of music as bittersweet. He can stand on his own, and while he is a love interest for Clementine, that isn’t his only purpose. 

I know everyone’s different, they express their love for characters in their own ways, but I do have a genuine question: do you guys actually like Minerva?

Believe it or not, I’m not trying to step on toes or make everyone feel defensive which I know is how people will react to this. “You’re just saying all of this to make us feel bad for shipping clemerva! You don’t even like Minnie so you don’t get to say shit!” yeah yeah, I hear you and look, it’s true that she’s not my favorite character. I know I’ve said I hate her in the past but upon reflection and throwing out fandom interpretations.... I don’t hate her. I get it now. She’s a great character study to dissect and analyze and I think she deserves more than what the writers and the fandom have given her. 

And yeah, what I do hate is clemerva, and I’ve explained why. It’s not for me, it makes me uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, who cares? Me not liking it doesn’t mean anything to those who create AU’s for them. They have their reasons, they can do as they please as long as they’re not hurting anyone. I’m just here pointing out things I see and things that bother me in hopes of starting a discussion.

There’s my ramble about Minerva. I’m gonna go make some tea now. 

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust Pt.6 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N finds out more about how the lovedust works and it leads to her realizing her biggest fears about Peter if he’s cured. 

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: There’s a lot going on right now but thank you guys for being so incredibly kind and patient with me. Shit is going to hit the fan real soon with Lovedust so stay tuned! ALSO Don’t forget to leave comments if you guys liked it or hey even if you hated it! ALSO ALSO My taglist is getting pretty big and hectic so if I missed yours, I am VERY sorry pls just message me again so I can add you asap!

Warnings: Mild language, mentions of death and nightmares, slowburn

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six ||

part seven || part eight || epilogue 

As your eyes fluttered open, you gave yourself a minute to adjust to the sound of rain hitting against your bedroom window. You closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, your arm instinctively reached beside you to touch Peter, only to find that side of the bed empty. 

You opened your eyes again and slowly raised yourself up to turn to see that your prediction was correct and that he wasn’t next to you. You knew it wasn’t a dream, you distinctively remembered him holding you as you fell asleep but you guessed he might’ve left soon after. 

The memories of last night rushed through your head as you felt your heart drop slightly and already, you felt empty so early in the morning. You remembered everything about the nightmare but more importantly, you remembered Peter cradling you like a child as you cried in his arms. 

You couldn’t wrap your head around a single feeling to describe the thoughts in your mind. As every day passed, Peter was showing you more and more how much he truly cared for you, and the thought of him not being able to keep the same energy once he was cured terrified you. 

You loved this new Peter and how kind and compassionate he was around you. It was annoying at first dealing with the cringey pick up lines and weird comments about the two of you getting married but now that you realized there was more to those side effects, you found him even more endearing. 

It was the small things like how he sacrificed the right side of his body so that you could fit under the umbrella perfectly or how he would willingly sit through a horror movie for you even though you both knew how much he hated them. 

You even saw a change in yourself and how you treated him. The other day, you two sat side by side on the couch and shared headphones while listening to the playlist you made for him or when you would tell him a dumb joke just so you could hear him laugh. 

It was selfish to hang onto the idea that Peter would always be this kind to you but you rather savored the moments you two had together since you knew better to know that nothing in life was guaranteed. 

You felt embarrassed that he had seen you so vulnerable, especially since Peter didn’t know what happened to your parents and now, you felt like you owed him an explanation. You looked back at your clock and sighed once you saw that you had already missed the beginning half of school, you thought screw it, you were taking a mental health day. 

“ Is it senior skip day or something?” You looked up to see your dad standing in your doorway with his arms crossed over his chest in a scolding manner but once he saw your dazed expression, he dropped the act,” Y/N? Is everything okay?”

You could feel your throat tighten as you shook your head, refusing to cry again. 

“ Nightmare,” You swallowed to stop yourself from letting anymore sobs from coming out of your mouth as Tony sat next to you and put his hand on your shoulder. 

“ I know kid, I know,” Tony brought you closer to him as you hugged him tightly. 

You had told Tony about your nightmares but he was already well aware on what happened with your parents. You were still pretty young when your parents had passed and you’ve lived most of your life with Tony as a parent but that didn’t mean you weren’t traumatized over what happened years ago. 

Tony had not only given you a good home and had locked down your future, but he was always there to listen and offer help, whether it was from himself or health experts.

“ It was Peter this time,” You said softly as you felt your dad hug you even tighter,” I don’t know why but he was in the nightmare and he-he tried to hurt me...I feel so guilty, I don’t know why he was there but my brain just made him  you know?” 

“ That’s not something you can control Y/N, remember what I said, your brain just picks up on different people-unless he did something. Did he do something to you? Cause I swear-”

“ No, no Dad it was the opposite,” You sighed as you pulled away and bit the inside of your cheek,” I know you told me not to hang out with Peter but...we’ve been getting closer and I think I...I don’t know. All I know was that when he comforted me after my nightmare, I felt the safest I’ve been in a long time….Things are different now. I don’t know what I could say to convince you but please don’t get mad.” 

You looked down at your bedsheets to avoid his gaze and you weren’t sure if he was burning a stern glare at the back of your head or not. 

“ I’m not mad about Peter, I already knew you were seeing him behind my back anyway and I should’ve known you two would’ve pulled some Romeo and Juliet bullcrap. Anyway- You’re strong enough to look after yourself, hell stronger than some of these people living here and if I may speak candidly, I know you could kick his ass if he ever crossed a line,” Your dad said as you let out a small chuckle,” I want you to be safe and happy. I would prefer you feel that way without a boy in the mix but I won’t yuck your yum.”

You wrinkled your nose but you couldn’t help but smirk,” Do you think I’m strong enough to become an Avenger?” 

“ You already are,” Your dad smiled as you inhaled deeply,” but before we get too mushy, I did actually want to talk to you about the other day, you know, about Peter’s health.”

You sat up straighter in your seat as you nodded attentively at him before he continued. 

“ It’s really important that you keep this between you, me and Banner, okay? I’m gonna use some big words so keep up,” You nodded again as you felt your heart beat rapidly against your chest,” you already know this but the lovedust activates a huge amount of serotonin in the body and sometimes that can lead to some major health problems. Well, with every day that passes, he runs the risk of having a ventricular tachycardia and that’s what explained how he collapsed the other day-”

“ Hold on, he collapsed? And did you say a ventricular tachycardia? Like a heartattack?” You asked as you felt your own heart stop for a moment as your dad gave you a confused expression,” So you’re telling me the lovedust could kill him? When did this happen?”

Your dad inhaled sharply as he swallowed hard,” Yesterday afternoon. We were done running tests and Banner noticed a car pull up and I said it was your friend John-”

“Josh.”

“ Yeah sure. Then we heard a loud thud and Peter just dropped. He just fainted but still, it’s a sign that things are getting worse,” Your dad said as you felt your heart completely shatter.

You felt like it was all of your fault. Even though Peter just fainted, he could’ve hit his head and died right there and you couldn’t stop yourself from filling your head with more terrible thoughts. 

“ Oh my god, I never thought things would get this bad,” You said as you rested your forehead in the palm of your hands, trying to keep a consistent stream of thoughts but each idea made you think of Peter getting hurt,” and there’s still not a cure? What have you guys even figured out so far-it’s been almost a week!” 

You knew your dad was trying his best but all you wanted was for Peter to get better and it didn’t help that time was against everyone. Peter could suffer a heartattack at any time of day and it didn’t make you feel better than nothing was being solved. 

“ Well we have a pretty strong theory about what caused the lovedust if you’re up for hearing it,” Your dad suggested as you hesitantly nodded. 

“ Our main theory is that the lovedust is effective when the patient- Peter- makes contact with the variable-you- and since you were the first person he saw, it activated his serotonin output. So it could’ve been anyone and Peter would’ve had the same reaction,” Tony said and it was so silent for a minute that you could hear a pin drop,” why is your face pale?”

You didn’t know how much you didn’t want to hear that theory until this very moment. You weren’t even sure why you could feel your throat close up again but this news made you sink back onto your bed. 

Peter really didn’t mean anything he was saying. After all those late night talks about how in love with you he was, those were all just side effects. Those were never his thoughts. He never really loved you. 

“ Oh...that’s good I guess,” You said quietly as Tony’s pager buzzed. You could tell Tony wanted to stay and talk to you but when he looked down at the notification, it seemed pretty urgent,” you can go, I’m just gonna stay here for a little bit.” 

“ We’ll talk later, okay kiddo?” Tony patted your knee and walked past your bed, closing your bedroom door behind him. 

You stared up at your bedroom ceiling as you thought about what your dad said. Peter’s condition was getting worst but now, at least they figured out something that could help them along the way. If they could figure out the properties of the lovedust than that means they could reverse it and find a cure. 

What if you didn’t want them to find a cure? 

You almost talked yourself out of your thought and called yourself a selfish idiot in the process, the goal was for them to help Peter. This could help Peter, you reminded yourself as you got up from your bed to get dressed. 

You weren’t sure where you wanted to go but you thought that your mental health day could carry on to the outside world. 

Mad....why were you mad? 

You had no reason to be so upset and you kept reminding yourself as the elevator went down to the garage. You aggressively pressed the button to unlock your car and once you sat down in the driver’s seat, you started your car and backed out of the garage. 

It was pouring outside and while you hated driving in the rain, you just had to leave to clear your head. 

Why were you upset?

Maybe because for once in your life, you felt special. 

You stopped on the brakes and you could feel your heart sink into your chest as the rain hit against your windshield. 

You shook your head slowly before you slapped your hands against your steering wheel hard.  

Was it awful that you loved the attention you were getting and maybe, just maybe, you were starting to see Peter differently? 

You slammed your firsts against the wheel again and again as you let out a frustrated grunt through your gritted teeth. 

You were mad that Peter could die. You were mad that there wasn’t a cure. You were mad that the lovedust had ruined your life. You were content without Peter meddling in your life but now that he had left such an impression, all you wanted to do was make sure he stayed as true to himself as he was now. 

You couldn’t expect that from him. You couldn’t expect that once he was cured, he would act back to his regular douchebag self but anything was possible, he didn’t owe you anything. 

You taunted yourself as you tried to snap out of whatever this hellish tantrum you were throwing. 

Why would you be upset over a guy who had fake feelings for you all this time? 

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t your fault either.

Anyone. It could have been anyone. It could’ve been a sockpuppet and Peter would’ve probably tried marrying the damn thing. 

You snapped your head over to the passenger side of the door once you heard a hard tap come from the window. Once you saw it was Peter, you turned to face the front and unlocked the door without looking back at him. 

He opened the door and sat down beside you in the passenger seat without saying anything. He was soaking wet from head to toe and while you were annoyed he was getting the inside of your car wet, you had more important things to focus on. 

It was too quiet for your liking but there wasn’t anything you wanted to say to him. Frankly, you weren’t sure why you even let him in.

“ How did you sleep?” Peter asked quietly as he tested the waters.

It was clear that you were in some type of mood but Peter never knew how to approach situations like this, especially since he didn’t know why you were so upset. 

“ I slept fine, you?” 

“ Good I guess,” Peter shrugged as he shifted awkwardly in his seat,” are you okay? Are you upset about what happened last night-”

“ No,” You said truthfully as you leaned your head back against the headrest,” I mean, yes, I’m okay but no I’m not upset about last night.”

“ Well something is clearly bothering you and I just want to help. You know you can tell me anything, I mean it Y/N, we’re friends now. We shouldn’t be hiding things from each other,” Peter said as you let out a dry laugh. 

You knew you couldn’t reveal everything to Peter about what your dad had told you but it didn’t stop you from feeling angry. 

“ Okay, you want to be honest, lets be honest. When were you going to tell me that you collapsed at the lab?” You asked as you turned your whole body to face him,” my dad told me this morning.” 

Peter inhaled deeply but looked you straight in the eye,” I was going to tell you... eventually. It’s not like I had time to really sit down with you, I know you’re going through a lot right now and I didn’t want to stress you out. Besides, I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal.”

It was a big deal, he could die. That’s what you wanted to tell him. His life was at stake and yet you were keeping this big secret from him. It was hypocritical and wrong and if anyone else had told you, you would’ve revealed to Peter about his worsening condition. 

But it was your dad who told you to keep things a secret for now and you just had to trust him for both of your sakes. 

You looked at him for a moment as you studied his face while he did the same to you. It was as if you both had so much on your mind yet no one wanted to be the first one to detonate the bomb. 

“ I’m just so tired Peter. I’m tired of having conflicted feelings on whether or not this lovedust has been creating more problems than solving them… Whatever this is between us, I like it a lot but I hate feeling so pathetic to the point where I actually enjoy the feeling of having a guy give me attention only because of some space shit,” You turned your attention back to the steering wheel,” How do we carry on with our lives once you’re cured? What’s stopping you from being a complete asshole to me like before?” 

“ I told you, nothing has to change. No matter what happens, we’ll always be in each other’s lives as friends or something more. I would never treat you the way I did in the past, I swear on my life.” 

Peter could feel the energy in the car shift right as he finished speaking but there was nothing he could do to change the course of the conversation. The path had already been set and now, he just had to strap in and hope he could hang on. 

“ How am I supposed to believe that? How do I know anything you’re saying is true? Everything this lovedust has been built on is a lie, you don’t love me Peter. It’s a fucking chemical reaction that is messing with your body,” You snapped loudly but Peter hardly flinched,” your mind and body has been corrupted by a parasite. You say you love me but if you take the lovedust away, you don’t. It’s that simple.” 

“ Just because it’s a chemical reaction doesn’t mean that the way I’m feeling is a lie. I spend so many nights thinking about you and how happy you make me so for you to say that I don’t actually love you-”

“ Are you listening to yourself? You love me because of the dust, why is that so hard for you to understand? Love is supposed to be natural, this is not natural!  If the way you’re feeling isn’t a lie, look me in the eye right now and tell me, did you love me before the lovedust?” You asked as you turned back to face him,” tell me the honest truth, did you love me?” 

Peter felt like his body was burning up in the worst possible way and his throat felt dry as he thought carefully. It was so hard for him to see how terrible he was in the past because of the lovedust, all he could think when he saw you was just utter love. 

You were visibly hurt, even if you were shouting at him he could read you like a book and there was something that he knew was there but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like some sort of test that Peter had to decipher; he didn’t have all of the pieces of the puzzle so how was he supposed to get the full picture? 

“ I don’t...no. No I didn’t,” Peter said softly as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding,” but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you.” 

There it was, the million-dollar answer to the million-dollar question. Of course he didn’t love you, he had tormented you for years. Your dad’s “theory” was right, the lovedust didn’t matter if he had loved you beforehand. It could’ve been anyone. 

So even if you might’ve known all along, why did it hurt and why were you upset?

“ Stop lying to me. You never cared about me, you loved humiliating me,” You said in a shaky breath,” you loved seeing me cry and you loved it when I got mad. I could see it all across your face, you loved making me absolutely miserable. So you can say you love me all you want now, but I know the truth. You don’t understand, this lovedust is ruining me, Peter. Do you know how painful it is to be tormented for years and all of a sudden, the same person is now in love with you just like that?” 

“ Ruining you? You didn’t touch the damn thing! And you want to talk about pain-Do you know how painful it is to love you?” Peter shouted as he felt his voice crack,” If I’m not near you, I feel like I’m going to die but when I’m around you, my chest feels like it’s going to burst open and it’s painful. I’m in pain right when I wake up in the morning to right before I go to sleep everyday because the mere thought of you drives me insane-” 

“ I didn’t ask for you to love me-”

“ I didn’t ask to love you either!” Peter shouted back louder, this time to make sure you would stop interrupting him,” My body feels weak all the time, I’m fucking falling apart because I love you so much. So don’t tell me that I’m lying about loving you because that’s all I feel when I look at you. Even when I’m pissed off I still love you but if you think for one second I’m going to sit here and let you attack me for my past that I have already apologized for, then I don’t want to hear it.” 

Peter gave you one last look before getting out of your car and straight into the rain. Peter slammed the car door behind him so hard to where the door completely fell off the hinges but Peter was so angry that he kept walking away. 

“ You fucking...ugh!” You screamed as you got out of your car and followed behind him. 

You were completely livid, you both were being unfair but just because he was going through a different type of pain than you didn’t mean yours hurt any less. 

You shouted after Peter but the rain was so loud to the point where you considered that maybe he just couldn’t hear you. You sped up your pace to the point where you almost slipped against the concrete. 

“ You don’t get to tell me that I can’t be mad at the past Peter when it’s only been a week since you got infected!” You yelled as you grabbed Peter’s arm to stop him from walking away from you,” Just because you apologized doesn’t mean I can let it go so easily. For years, you made me feel like I would be alone for the rest of my life because no one would ever love me!”

Peter whipped his head back around to face you as you kept a strong grip around his wrist,“ And I’m telling you now that I love you and I was a fucking idiot for hurting you. Jesus Y/N I am sorry but we’ve had this conversation before so why are you mad at me?” 

All you could focus on were his eyes, which were darting back and fourth across your face as if he was pleading with you. You had pushed him across the line so many times but now, Peter was pushing back because he just needed a clear answer. 

You both were tired of yelling and fighting and in this moment, Peter was so close to tearing down the walls you had set up for years to keep yourself safe against him. It was eating away at you because deep down, you knew why you were mad at him, you just didn’t know if you could bring yourself to let it slip out of your mouth.

The rain sounded muffled and all you could think about was how cold you were feeling. You were somewhat forcing yourself to focus on anything other than Peter but you were trapped in his desperate gaze. 

You felt your breath hitch as you could feel yourself getting choked up,” I’m mad...I’m mad because the way you feel about me right now, it’s fleeting... it’s temporary. One day when you’re cured, you’re going to stop loving me and that terrifies me.” 

Peter squeezed your hand and you didn’t even realize that while you were talking, the grip you had around his wrist had moved to interlock your fingers with his. You could feel your chest tighten as you moved your eyes down to your hands and you slowly moved your gaze to meet Peter’s. 

“ Why does it terrify you?” Peter asked softly and now it was your turn to plead with him using your eyes as if you were saying please don’t make me say it.

Maybe a part of Peter knew that you wouldn’t admit that maybe, there was something developing between the two of you that you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit. But Peter knew you well and even as he read you like a book, he wanted to hear it for himself. 

“ I’m terrified because…” You almost said it as a whisper and even Peter was having a hard time hearing you because his heart was beating so loudly,” because I…”

You swallowed hard as you looked down at his lips and even if it was just for a second, Peter caught you staring. Peter felt his knees weaken and he was seconds away from just pulling you into his arms but it was your move. 

Peter had given you all the power and while a part of him felt relieved, it didn’t stop him from reaching up and tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. This was the moment he had been waiting for. 

He had given you all of the puzzle pieces you needed except he saved the last one just for you. He wanted you to put the last piece in so that way you two could step back together and admire all of the hard work you put into it. 

 You would’ve. You were going to let him know everything and unravel in his arms because finally, you could let go.

You wanted nothing more than to pick up that stupid puzzle piece and slam it into the puzzle to show him you were serious. You were going to let your walls crumble down and for once, you were going to be fearless. 

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

“ I can’t,” You said softly as you let go of Peter’s hand and practically rushed back towards the building,  leaving Peter alone in the rain. 

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[fyodorsslut]

Wrists- Bakugou Katsuki

Requested by: @toomanyotpslove​

 A/N: both of us can’t remember what the request was sadly, but I still have the story and find it very much worth publishing!! So, here we are! It’s not the type of thing I’d usually write, honestly, but I tried

AU: Fantsy!Au

Pairings: Dragon Lord! Bakugou x shape shifter! fem! reader

Genre: Fluff, some angst (?), comfort

play: Particular Taste by Shawn Mendes

Warnings: Not proof read, mention of physical abuse, child abuse, blood, mention of killing, reader triggered, enslaving, dehumanizing, bruises

He learnt to never touch her wrists.

  So, when he accidentally pulls her back by her still-bruised wrist, her reaction doesn’t surprise him too much.

  When Y/n jumps back, startled, clutching onto her wrist like she’s doing it for dear life, with her mesmerizing y/e/c eyes shot awide, Katsuki isn’t even surprised. A good 12 years of living with her have taught him this much, at least.

  “I-I’m sorry,” he coughs vaguely, gulping and watching out for any sign of an abnormal reaction. Even though it’s been long, Y/n’s mentality isn’t that stable and any small trigger could be like a bomb, and the explosion is her turning into some animal and losing control over herself.    “It’s alright,” Y/n sighs, rubbing  a thumb against her wrist.

  “You sure?” with a little tilt of his head, Katsuki takes a closer step towards scared Y/n. “You good?”   “Yeah,” she smiled, nodding. It took a lot of Katsuki not to push further. Instead, he nods in concern, wary of the apology he now owes her

   A few years back, or so he recalls, was when he met her.

                                              (12 years ago)

  The shore was so thick with humid, too much humid he couldn’t breathe properly. His small, bare arms prickle with the sensation of moisture, minuscule droplets too small to see dancing over his skin. The 6 years old boy stretches a little, moving his fingers in tiny circles, stirring up the cloying warmth hanging over the seashore.

  Sniffing, he grimaces, the light breeze smells of fires doused by the passing rain. His small features scrunch, the kid at the castle, went out fishing or such. Instead, he was here, with his parents and some lieutenants, checking on what’s coming in and out the country.

   Dazing away from his parents, he runs a hand through the flowers blooming from boxes along the pathway. The dirt around them is still wet from the passing rains and a particularly exuberant gardener. Behind him, more flowering veins run  up the brick walls and rocks, these people love there flowers. The explode in various shades, thriving in this climate-

  That’s when he spots it. Her

  A few men bulk up, trying to casually hide it, tensing at the presence of the king and queen, clearly not have been expecting it. But, from the heir’s vantage point, he saw the girl clearly, Bruised, chained up so movement is very uncomfortable. Some leather, cage muzzle sat disturbingly on her mouth and wrapped around her head. With clearly barely any movement, the girl’s body could go through so much harms, aside from the position she’s sat in.

  It’s almost terrifying, goosebumps crawling up the young boy’s body.

  “Katsuki?” A gentle voice calls for the ash blonde. He slightly flinches, ripping his gaze off the girl in chains. He looks at his mother in a frightened manner.

  “Is something wrong?”

  Shakily, he points a weak finger towards the cage.

  Holding a hand out, he manages to pull the abashed girl out. She has an air of misuse and neglect. Skinny and barely able to balance her weak form on her own.

  Katsuki softly takes the muzzle off. He smiles at the face in front of him, only to be met by wide eyes and trembling lips.

  “Are you okay?”

  Flinch.

  A small hand grips into the back of his dress shirt. A certain body’s heat closing up to him.

  “She won’t do anything, not even eat. She spoke no words, and is continuously clenching onto the prince.”

   Young Katsuki didn’t understand what was going on as the nurse spoke to his mom. A clan murdered? People... haunted? He didn’t mind her huddling onto him the way she did. He heard she’s a shape shifter, what is that? 

  “Shipped, enslaved, and sold in the black market. She’s a special, these ones cost a fortune there.”

  He didn’t understand, sure. But he still knew whatever this girl has been through, it’s trauma. He knew that from how the words sounded, and from the look on his mother’s face, he’s never seen her more disgusted his whole life, not even when he eats his mucus.

   He glances at her, bruises clouding her freshly cleaned cheeks, one eye purple. Her arms and hands were the same, too. When her eyes catch his, she looks down immediately, pulling away as an embarrassed red paints her cheeks.

   “Katsuki...” The king slowly kneels before his son. “What do you think?”    “What do you mean?” He raises a light eyebrow, confusion written on his face with wide letters.

   The king glances over to his prideful wife, who only softly shrugs, both unaware of what to do with the girl who could’ve possibly ended up reduced to some lifeless corpse in a few more days of starvation. They don’t get to ask Katsuki more than he’s already done; finding the girl. Yet, it seems as though the almighty king and queen, for the first time, are out of any other options.

  “Would you mind staying with her until we figure out how to help her do things on her own?” His brunette father spoke gently, simplifying the words so that the young, stubborn prince could understand much of it.

   “I’m not a kid,” He huffs, annoyance unjustified. “Of course I’ll help her around. That’s my job.”

  A scream erupts from her lips before she could help it. Her eyes immediately shot shut as she holds out her arms in defense, ready for the punishment for being so loud.

  “Hey, easy there,” The man at the infirmary smiles gently at her. “What’s wrong?”

  “She doesn’t want anyone touching her wrists,” Katsuki confirms, watching over them closely like an examiner over a test. The doctor helping figure out her bruises as y/n flinches like a spooked animal.    “Manacles trauma,” he nods. “These monsters really did their business.”

  “Katsukiiiii,” she whines, helplessly running. “Slow down a little!”   “Not a chance!” Her friend chuckles aloud, tugging at the blindfolded girl’s hand as his legs take off, fleeting against the floor of the castle.

   He comes to a sudden stop, pulling Y/n to stop too. 

  “Why’d you stop?” she questions, tightening her grip over his small fingers.    “Shh, we’re here,” he talks, smiling agape as attempts to control his uncontrollable excitement.

  His hand leaves hers, clutching on to the blindfold at the back of her head. Swiftly, he rids her of the void she was staring into.

  The sight she was outlet into was like an ambush to her feelings. Unable to form any words or create a reaction other than a stuttered “is this for me?”

   “Do you... yes! It’s yours! Do you like it?” The young ash blonde asks excitedly, watching over the girl’s reaction. “It’s even right next to mine!” 

   She turns to him, tears filling her pretty y/e/c eyes. Before he realized it, she’s pulled him into a tight embrace, sobbing for some reason unbeknownst to him.

  “Thank you.”

                                   ( Back to the present )

   “Can we go back inside now?” He felt her breath before he heard her voice, straight up nauseous from the amount of people gathered up in such feast.

  “Yeah, sure, whatever,” he grumbles under his breath. He sounds annoyed, but it’s no sweat for his lover to slip past his well-made façade.

  “Thank you, Katsu,” She presses a soft kiss on his cheek. Even though he knows no one saw, due to their position at the far corner of the room, his cheeks rise a flame. He immediately grimaces, you could practically see steam fuming from his ears as he, without any ado, stomps inside puling  the girl alongside.

  “I sure hope you have a proper explanation for that, princess,” He folds two strong, muscular arms onto his bare chest. The multiple necklaces and animal teeth almost scrambling away from his arms.    “Explanation for what?” Y/n raised a brow, playing dumb. She smiles softly, twirling a lock of y/h/c hair around her index finger, knowing damn well the practiced act does the trick.

  “Tch,”he rolls his eyes. Only throwing himself on the couch. “Sit here, idiot,” he pats the spot beside him in a soft manner, indicating he’s about to start a sensitive conversation.

  Gracefully, Y/n places herself on the couch, placing he r head on Katsuki’s broad shoulder. His arm wraps around her waist like it always does, scooting her closer as it finds rest on her thigh ((stfu-)).

  “This morning you were... crying?” He spoke softly, unable to find the perfect way to speak in this specific situation.

  Y/n takes a deep breath, fingers fidgeting with Katsuki’s fingers. “Nightmares,” she admits.   “The same one?”   “I think,” she shrugs, gulping. “I can only remember the faces of.. you know.”

  By the way her fingers slightly squeezed his, Bakugou knew he should stop the conversation there.

  “Don’t worry,” his voice was so, very low she could barely hear him. He presses a tender kiss on the top of her head, letting his lips take the weight of her whole  head, finding rest at that spot. “No one will harm you as long as I’m here,” his voice sent slight vibrations through her head, as he inhales the familiar scent of her hair. “And you know I’m too stubborn to die, anyway.”

  “Wow, very comforting, Katsuki,” she chuckles, pressing a kiss on his shoulder.   “Shut up,” he blurts, flustered.    “I love you too, Katsu,” She held his hand with both hers, printing continuous pecks on it.

  His hand grips her cheek, the other gripping the opposite.  Fixing his seating, he pulls her face upwards, planting a firm and fiery kiss that’s too short for her liking on her soft lips.

  Unlike the rest of the shapeshifters, and unlike most of the the population she lives amongst in this country,  Y/n’s a soft, curious soul. Not made for a harsh living or to be put against anything. Yet, the fire in her only ever lured people, the difference in her. Of all people, the heir to the dragon throne, Katsuki Bkugou. 

  “Fuck you for being like this,” his ruby eyes bore into hers, unable to find a single flaw.

  Both the kids’ hearts raced in their chests.

   He learnt to never touch her wrists, instead, he touched her soul to anchor her

[theright-sideofme]

The Healer. Kang Yeosang

Prince Yeosang x healer fem!reader WC: 2.6k Warnings: Mentions of death and violence

10 years ago

     The forest surrounding the castle was off limits to prince Yeosang. His father had warned him about the dangers in the forest: Thieves and barbarians, werewolves and vampires, and worst of all, witches. Yeosang had promised his father he would never enter the forest alone under any circumstances. However, teenage rebellion was a right of passage, and after the fight he had gotten into with his father today, the only thing on his mind was braving the forest alone. So without thinking, he ran, he ran out of the great hall and through the castle garden, he ran straight into the forest, where he continued to run until he stumbled upon a little white cottage. What was a quaint little cottage doing here?

     The cottage door swung open and Yeosang froze. A girl around his age came bouncing out of it, the large smile on her face dropping as soon as she saw Yeosang. Fear flashed across in her eyes right before they started welling up with tears, she was afraid of him? “I’m not going to hurt you” Yeosang reassured, slowly holding up his hands to show he meant no harm. “Who are you” she asked as bravely as she could. “I’m Yeosang, and you are” “... Y/n” “it’s nice to meet you Y/n. May I ask why you’re out here” Y/n looked at him as if he had asked the stupidest question ever, “I could ask you the same thing” she shot back defensively. It was not going to be easy to get her to warm up to him. “Well, I’m just out on a stroll” he shrugged gently with a smile. She raised her brow at him, skeptical. “I live here.”

Present

     “Y/n, I got that herb you were talking about” Yeosang announces as he lets himself into the familiar cottage. “Angelica” Y/n asked, jumping off her latter to make her way over to Yeosang. “I’m pretty sure that’s the one” Yeosang handed Y/n the bag and watched as her face lit up, “Yeosang, you absolute angel” she squealed, hugging him tightly before running off to ground it up. “What’s this for anyways” “a mother in the village needs something for her sick son and the healer’s trying to charge her an arm and a leg for it.” Yeosang hummed in response. Y/n was a kind soul, she just couldn’t say no to helping people. When they first met, despite Y/n’s apprehensions, she gave him a warm meal and a place to stay for the night (It was too dark to walk home in the dark) before helping him find his way back.

     “You know the castle could use a new healer” he said, “ your father would hang me for witchcraft before hiring me to be the castles healer.” Yeosang sighed, she was right of course, women weren’t allowed to be healers, at least not in this kingdom. Yeosang still couldn’t help but ask, as much as he liked the time he gets away from the castle when he comes to visit, he started to realize something as he got older; seeing her once every two weeks wasn’t enough, he wanted to see her everyday. 

     Yeosang watched her work in her little kitchen, asking questions so he could understand what she was doing. She patiently answered every question, even showing him exactly how everything was done.

She would be lying if she said she didn’t like his company. At first she was apprehensive of him, thinking he was another witch hunter, she thought he was going to kill her how the last ones killed her parents. But he was kind and showed her he wasn’t a threat.

*Flash Back*

     “You’re back” Y/n said in surprise as she watch Yeosang walk up to her small little cottage with a basket in his hand. “I told you I would be” he said simply with a large smile on his face. Once he reach Y/n he held out the basket, earning a weird look from the girl, “it’s a gift, for helping me, open it.” Y/n couldn’t keep the smile off her face, a gift? Opening up the hatch, Y/n’s eyebrows furrowed together as she pulled out a small white box. She looked up at Yeosang who just nodded to her, telling her to open it. So she did, “Yeosang-” she looked up at him with a bright smile, he’d remembered.

“A pumpkin pastry, they may not be as good as your mother's, but I figured it was worth a shot.” It had been a late night discussion during his first visit here, she had told him about the pumpkin pastries her mother used to make, and how much she missed them. Never did she think he would remember something a silly and small as that. Carefully placing the pastry back into the basket, Y/n latched herself onto him. “Thank you” she giggled into his chest, sending butterflies straight to Yeosang’s stomach. “I-it’s just a pastry, don’t thank me” “but-” “it’s fine Y/n” he laughed, pulling away to see her still smiling brightly. “Well what are you waiting for, go on, eat.”

*End of Flashback*

     Y/n smiled at the memory as she carefully bottled up the medicine and gently placed it in her bag, alongside a loaf of bread and some berries. “All that for a sick child?” “No, the loaf’s for Hongjoong, he promised me a bowl of his mothers onion soup if I brought him some rosemary bread.” Nodding, Yeosang helped her into her coat after she slipped on her shoes. “Why don’t I come with you, I haven’t been to the village in ages” “and what would people say if they saw me wondering around town with the prince” “I’ll be sneaky” he joked as he wrapped her scarf around his head. The small laugh that left her lips caused him to smile, he quite liked her laugh, and he definitely liked being the cause of it. “You can come on one condition” “anything” “you have to bring me a pumpkin pasty next time you come to visit” “easy enough, now come on, let’s go.” Y/n laughed as he dragged her out of her home, eager to get to the village.

-----

     Yeosang looked around the village with wide eyes, it had changed quite a bit since he had last been here as a boy. There were many more buildings and even more street stalls. The smell of freshly cook pork nearly dragged him away from Y/n’s side. He never understood why his father hated coming to the village, it was so much more lively than the castle: children ran through the streets, people conversing and laughing, everyone, young and old dancing in the village square. Yeosang wished he could live a life like this. 

     “Yeosang, come on, I don’t need you getting lost” Y/n sighed as she tugged on his sleeve. Yeosang just looked down at her with the brightest smile, and she could’ve sworn her heart jumped. “This place is amazing!” Y/n stared at him, admiring his childlike happiness and the sparkle in his eye. She found herself entranced by his beauty just like she had countless time before, and each time she was left breathless.

She took in a deep breath and smiled, “I know your excited, how about this, you go get something to eat from one of the stalls while I drop this off, and we’ll meet in the village square in 10 minutes?” Yeosang shook his head, catching her off guard, she was sure he would want to explore on his own a bit. 

     “I want to stay with you” just when she thought he couldn’t prod his way any further into her heart, he goes and says something like that. “Okay then, come on.” Yeosang grabbed her head and gestured for her to lead the way, and she did, quickly turning away to hide the blush on her face as she lead him to the house.

     As they were walking towards the house, Y/n noticed some palace guards making their way into town. The atmosphere had changed almost instantly, everyone quieted down, the music stopped, and the children quickly disappeared. Y/n quickly pulled up her hood and encouraged Yeosang to do the same. 

     Yeosang had noticed the shift as well, it was impossible not to. He wonder why everything had changed so fast. Was it the guards? It couldn’t have been. Oh how naïve he was.

      The head guard made his way over to a old man, they whispered amongst themselves for a few seconds and the air only seemed to get thicker. Y/n’s grip tightened around Yeosang’s hand as she tried to get him to hurry. 

     “What’s going on” Yeosang asked quietly as he quickened his strides to keep up with Y/n. “Weekly inspection” the dreaded part of every villagers week. Y/n had only been in the village once during an inspection, and she did not like it one bit. She made an effort to avoid the weekly inspections, but unfortunately, they were random. The guards would come down to the village and ransack houses and shops, anything ‘incriminating’ would get confiscated and anyone could get arrested for anything.

     Yeosang turned to look at the guards once more, only to see them throwing the old man off his patio. “Hey-” Yeosang was quickly shut up by Y/n yanking his down to her height. “Don’t, please” she practically begged in a small voice. “They’re hurting him” “They hurt everyone, we can’t stop them, please Yeosang” “I can-” “You can what? If they find out your here you’ll never be allowed to leave the palace again” “I can't just let these people get hurt” Y/n took a deep breath and looked up at him, her heart beating out of control the longer she stood where anyone could see. “Then at least wait for me to be gone” “what?” “Please.” He looked down at her and the tears in her eyes- she was scared, she was scared of his men- no, his father’s men. He was going to fix this, but first- “go, quickly.” Y/n thanked him quietly before running down the street and quickly disappearing down a alley.

     Once Y/n was out of sight, Yeosang ran over to the guards who were now restraining a mother to keep her from the guards who were taking her child. “Stop!” Yeosang commanded in such a deep voice that everyone froze. The guards looked over, wondering who in their right mind would talk to them like that. 

“P-Prince Yeosang” “let them go.” The guards stood frozen, allowing the mother and child free. “What- does you’re father know your here” “does my father know you beat on innocent towns people” “he does actually, we’re simply acting on his orders.” What? His father ordered this? His felt repulsed, how could anyone be so cruel? Shaking his thoughts away, he walked over to the guards “We’re leaving, now” “yes sir.” All the guards mounted their horse, one guard giving up his horse for Yeosang. And as he rode out of the village with thoughts of what he would say to his father. All of his thoughts were interrupted when a poster with a familiar face on it caught his eye.

      Wanted: Y/n Y/l/n for the charges of witchcraft and heresy of the crown.

     Now he understood.

-----

     When Yeosang returned to the palace, his father was furious. He yelled at him for being irresponsible, for interfering with his direct orders, and he forbade him from ever leaving the castle again. 

     “You were having innocent people beaten for taxes?!” “You have no right to question me” “I have every right to question you! You want me to be king, to rule in your footsteps, well I won’t! I won’t be another tyrant” “you watch your mouth boy” “or what, you’ll have me beaten to” “don’t tempt me.”

     As the two men continued to scream at each other, the doors to the great hall were opened. “What is the meaning of this, can’t you see I’m speaking with my son” the king spat at his guards. “Yes your majesty, and we’re deeply sorry, but we found someone trying to escape during the inspection and we thought you would like to know who it is.” Yeosang felt his whole body tense up, his mind wandering to one place- well person-Y/n. “Why would I care about some commoner trying to run-” “It’s her your majesty.” The king’s mood seemed to instantly change as a cheshire like grin spread across his face. Yeosang, however, felt horrible, her? Who’s her? He felt like he could throw up any moment. “Bring her to me” “yes sir.” Yeosang’s whole body was on edge as he waited for the guards- God why were they taking so long!

     Everything felt like it was set to 100. The sound of foot step accompanied by the clanging of metal armor rung in Yeosang’s ears. Finally, a figure appeared at the door. He wanted to look, every nerve in his body was screaming at him to look, but he couldn’t. What if it was her? What could he do? He didn’t want to look and see her terrified face, not again, not when there was nothing he could do to help her.

     “Y/n Y/l/n-” No. Yeosang’s head snapped up, his eyes immediately landing on her glossy, red eyes. “-you have been a tough one have you?” Silence hung in the air like a swinging blade. Y/n stared at the floor, taking in a deep breath as she prepared herself to speak. “I’ll tell you as I told your men, I’m a healer, not a witch.” The king let out a hearty chuckle, a chuckle that let Y/n knew that there was no hope for her life. She blinked slowly as she tried to accept her fate, the tears that had welled up in her eyes now falling down her cheeks effortlessly. One after another they fell from her face and onto the cold, hard ground. 

“Take her to the dungeons, she’ll be the villages entertainment for tomorrow” “No.” Yeosang spoke before he could think. He couldn’t help it, watching her stand there so hopeless and then hearing her father talk about her as if she was some play thing for his amusement- he never felt such anger before. 

     “No? No! Don’t you question me boy! If I say she’ll hang, she’ll hang!” “No! What proof do have to convict her of any crime” “Boy are you dense! I’m the king, that’s all I need to convict someone- Take her away, Now!.” The guard yanked her by her arms and Yeosang felt the urge to run and punch them for being so rough with her. How dare they? Yeosang turned to his father, his face red and his breathing heavy as this burning anger ravaged his body “If you kill her, I’ll kill you. That’s a promise” and with that, he stormed out of the throne room.

-----

     “Y/n? Y/n are you down here” “I’m here” Y/n called out as she made her way over to the cell bars. Yeosang was quick to meet her there, their hands locking through to gaps of the bars. “Are you okay? Have they hurt you?” “I’m okay” “are you sure” “yes Yeosang, I’m sure” she said as she smiled sweetly at him.

     After being overwhelmed by everything today, Yeosang finally felt safe enough to let it all out. Hot tears fell from his eyes as a sob wracked his body. Why was his father so cruel? Why was she being punished for it? Why did he feel so helpless? Y/n squeezed his hand tighter, wishing that this bars would evaporate and she could pull him into her arms.

      She knew her time on this Earth was coming to an end, but her mother always taught her to have hope. She wondered what good hope was in a situation like this? But when she looked at Yeosang, she couldn’t help but have hope, he was her best friend, she couldn’t leave him, not like this.

     “Hey, don’t cry, you act like I’m dying” Yeosang looked up, obviously not amused by her joke. “I’m serious, I’m not leaving you” “good, because I wasn’t going to let you.” Y/n smiled as he seemed to calm down a little, his breathing slowly returning back to normal as the tears slowed down. 

     Yeosang stared at her, admiring every bit of her as if he would never see her again, he was totally and utterly in love. He finally admitted it to himself, he was in love with Y/n Y/l/n. A weight felt as if it had been lifted as a small chuckle left his lips. “Y/n” “yes” she asked, a bit confused by the sudden change in his demeanor. “I love you.” As shocked as she wanted to be, she wasn’t, because deep down, she already knew. “I love you too” she mumbled quietly as her head rested against the bars. A sigh of relief left his lips as he tightened his grip on her hands, “promise me you’ll stay alive” “Yeosang-” “promise me” and she did, she promised that she would stay alive, despite knowing she may never see him again after tonight.

[birdiefw]

JJ MAYBANK | NOT MY CHOICE PT. 1

Part Two — Here

Requested by: @maybebanks

Summary: You’ve always been a Pogue despite your wealth and had been friends with John B. and his crew for as long as you could remember. However, you were also dating Rafe Cameron but your friend didn’t know, and worst of all, it wasn’t your decision. But one day Rafe sees you and JJ together and decides to show you and JJ who you belong to.

Warnings: swearing, anxiety, sexual assault, groping, ANGST (IF ANY OF THESE MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE DON’T READ)

Y/ND/N = Your Next-door Neighbor

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting! I’ve been trying to come up with another idea for a JJ imagine and I’m so glad you sent me this! I’ve decided to make this into two parts, so I hope you don’t mind that I saved a few details of the request for the next part! I hope you enjoy, too!

[not my gif!!!]



You were three weeks into your relationship with Rafe Cameron and you hated it.

Around your parents he was kind, thoughtful, and gentle — which is why they forced you into a relationship with him against your wishes by filling Rafe’s head with the idea that you were just playing hard to get — and you were unable to tell him no. But when your parents weren’t around, he someone else completely, and it terrified you.

He was erratic, controlling, and manipulative. You knew part of it was because of the drugs he took as often as he could, but that didn’t excuse his ruthless actions. His own relationships with his family was rocky at best, and you could see it was taking a bigger toll on him than he would’ve cared to admit. You knew better than to question it and went along with whatever he wanted in order to keep him happy and feeling in control; you’d seen him lose himself once and you didn’t want that to happen again. You didn’t think he’d physically hurt you with as much as he claimed to care about you, but you were never too sure with him.

Anytime you managed to get some free time away from him and your family, you found yourself with the Pogues down in the Cut. They knew you were wealthy, but that didn’t stop them from welcoming you in once they got to know you and saw how kind and caring you were — which you thanked Kie for as she was the one you’d befriended first. You were close with the rest of John B.’s group — especially JJ which was a surprise to both of you.

You didn’t expect to be so drawn to the most reckless and destructive one of them all, but you saw how kind and gentle he could be. He didn’t think he’d find you as enticing as he did either, but he wasn’t complaining. You treated him better than most and accepted him for who he was even with all of his flaws.

He didn’t show his soft side a lot, but you’d seen it more than the others had as if fate was trying to tell you two something you were failing to see for yourself; perhaps that was why you two wound up spending the day together.

With John B. job hunting, Kiara waitressing at The Wreck, and Pope delivering groceries, you and JJ were the only ones with some free time. JJ was supposed to work later, but until then the two of you decided to go surfing wfilr the sun was still shining brightly in the sky and the waves were nearly perfect. Rafe was apparently working out with Topper and Kelc, and knowing them, you’d figured it wouldn’t be a while until they were done. They often ended up at one of their houses afterwards, so you didn’t think Rafe would want to spend anytime with you.

“You comin’ or what, Y/N?” JJ laughed, catching your attention. “We ain’t got all day!”

You suddenly blinked back to reality, gaping as the blond boy was already out in the water and his heart racing with excitement. You scoffed offensively, hurrying after him with your surfboard in tow. “What the fuck, JJ?” You whined, quickly getting on the board and paddling towards him. He loudly laughed, water splattering onto your faces as you moved closer and closer to the gushing waves. “I can’t believe you left me behind!”

“It’s not my fault you weren’t paying attention,” he replied shortly.

You huffed, playfully rolling your eyes. “You’re a shithead, Maybank.”

“Yeah, but you like it.”

Rather than answering him or giving him an even bigger ego boost, you just splashed him and made your way towards the rolling waves with him right behind you. There were only a few other people lounging at the beach, the annual Fourth of July parade more interesting to the town than the waves that never left. Your parents were helping out with the Red Cross float, but you knew they wouldn’t realize you weren’t there in the crowd. JJ could’ve cared less, and as you got to your feet on your board and gliding across the water, you didn’t regret skipping out on it and going to the beach with your favorite Pogue.

———

It wasn’t until a few hours later when you and JJ conquered as many waves as you could that you two decided to call it quits and go and get some food. You’d fallen off your boards more times than you would’ve cared to admit, but you didn’t mind it. The water comforted you every time you fell into it, cooling off your warm skin that the sun was harshly beating down on. JJ came to your aid every time your body tumbled off your board, helping you back onto it with ease, and you did the same with him.

Surfing was dangerous, but it didn’t feel like it when you were with JJ.

When you were with him, you didn’t have to constantly worry about your parents, Rafe, or all of the responsibilities you were currently neglecting to do. All of your worries washed away with the sea and were pushed down to depths of the ocean where only the seaweed would feel the tension. You’d bickered on and off the entire time, trying to one up each other with each wave that came to tower over you two. There were a few times you almost fell face first when you saw JJ doing a trick you’d never seen before, but you caught yourself almost every time. Almost.

Saltwater harshly clung to your hair, the water trickling down your skin as you made your way out of the water. Your board was lazily tucked under your arm once more, a smile adorning your lips while your feet pushed into the wet sand. JJ was right beside you, his hair dripping and looking a little more dark than normal. He was heavily breathing and his shoulders were a little red — as were yours — but his smile never deterred nor did the joyful shine in his eyes that simply couldn’t be missed.

“I don’t know which one of us did worse today,” you laughed, stopping in the sand a little ways away from the water. You pushed your board down into the ground, slightly leaning against it with yours lips pulled up into a genuine grin.

JJ did the same, lightly wiping at his wet faces when a few drops trickled past his eyes. “Really? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure you wiped out more than I did.”

You huffed and shoved his arm. “I did not!”

“Did too!”

You scoffed and shook your head. You were too hungry to continue with this. “You know what? I’m gonna let you have this one, but just this once.”

“Wow, how thoughtful of you, Y/N,” he chuckled.

You laughed along with him and began to walk ahead with JJ a little ways behind you. “I am very thoughtful, thank you very much.”

“Sure, whatever you—”

“Y/N?” Your entire body froze when you saw Rafe making his way towards you and JJ. He wore a yellow tank top and black shorts, a few pieces of his hair falling in his face like he hadn’t used enough gel to keep its kicked back. His features were stern, eyes narrowed and locked in JJ. Your breath hitched in your throat the closer he got to you, unsure as to how he knew where you were.

“H-Hey, Rafe,” you stammered nervously, unable for bring yourself to face JJ. You couldn’t imagine what must’ve been going through his head. Since when did you become friends with Rafe? “W-What’re you doing here?”

Rafe clenched his jaw, his gaze swiveling from JJ to you. He was only inches away from you, and JJ had his fist clenching and unclenching. “Y/ND/N said you were at the beach,” he answered, looking back to JJ. “I finished early with the boys and I thought we could catch some waves.”

“Sorry, man, you’re too late,” JJ said, smugly smirking.

“Oh, am I?” Rafe taunted darkly. You gulped, your head slowly turning to face JJ. His eyes locked with yours, brows furrowing together at the unreadable look on your features. “I think that’s up to me and Y/N, Pogue. Isn’t that right, babe?”

“Babe?” JJ repeated in disbelief, eyes widening like a deer stuck in a set of headlights. Your heart sank into the lowest pit of your stomach, seeing JJ’s face fall. He didn’t want to believe it, and you didn’t want to either. “You’re joking.”

“What’s it to you?” Rafe scoffed, coming to stand beside you. He was a little too close for comfort, most certainly pushing his boundaries more than he ever had before. But you were almost paralyzed, your brain trying to piece together a way for this to go better than how you feared it would.

“Rafe, let’s just go—”

“No, hold on,” Rafe denied. He came up partially behind you, raising his brows towards a seething JJ. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Why should I?” JJ snapped. His eyes widened when he saw Rafe lean in close, gingerly pressing his lips to your neck. One of his hands touched your hip, going around and squeezing your ass like he was marking you to show JJ you belonged to him.

Your mind screamed at you to tell him to stop, to shove him away and make a run for it, but you couldn’t. Instead you held a poker face, doing your best to keep your breathing even so you didn’t alert either boys of your discomfort. You could’ve sworn JJ was trying to kill Rafe with his darkened eyes, but you weren’t showing any signs that you didn’t like it. You harshly bit your tongue, not wanting your urge to cry to take over and anger Rafe.

That was the last thing you needed.

“You like that, don’t you, Y/N?” Rafe murmured against your skin, making sure JJ heard him.

You meekly nodded, forcing a faint smile on your lips. “Yes,” you managed to breath out.

Rafe seemed pleased with your answer and stopped. He pressed a kiss to your cheek and took your hand in his, tugging you away from JJ. “Let’s get outta here,” he said, shooting JJ a nasty glare. “Kelc is throwing a party and we can’t miss it.”

“Okay,” you squeaked out. You allowed him to pull you along and in the direction of his bike, biting your bottom lip. You stole a glance back at JJ, and for the first time, he was left completely speechless.

———

A/N: I hope y’all liked this! Feel free to send me some more requests!!

[extremelyblackandwhite]

heiress - 2

pairing: bucky barnes x oc!reader

a/n: this is part two of a four part series based on a song lyrics sent to me by an amazing anon with a reader based on my favourite oc. hope you enjoy xx

“letters strewn across your bedroom floor. such beautiful words but you can’t remember who they’re for“

previous chapter

His memories had always been foggy. Even after slipping from HYDRA’s control, his memories were still foggy. He could remember almost everything through a sepia-like filter yet his memory as even more distorted the moment he looked at her. He had this gut wrenching feeling he had known her yet his foggy red tinted memories gave him no answer as to who this woman was and whenever he tried digging deeper into his subconscious. he would just get tired. Almost as if his own mind did not allow him to know her but he knew he must’ve seen her face or her figure somewhere and if he hadn’t then he must’ve known her in another life because whenever he looked at her, he felt comfortable. It was an odd sensation to explain, a deja-vu like feeling, a feeling which made him want to run up to her and held her into his arms but she was a stranger. Everything was strange here even Wanda who despite him having shared a few words with, looked so distant.

      - When did Wanda have time to have two ten year olds? -  Sam threw himself to one of the beds in the room the two of them had been assigned to. Sharon had gotten a different room yet Sam and Bucky were bunking together like 13 year old campers. - Also can she resuscitate people now? I mean, he’s an android but nevertheless. Oh my god, how did an android and a human had kids?

     - Do you trust them? Sharon isn’t too convinced.

     - Well, Wanda fought by our side so did Vision and Fury and Hill are with them. Unless they all turned evil, I think we can somewhat trust them. 

     - I don’t know, Sam. I ... I don’t trust the girl.

     - They’re almost all girls, cyborg brain. Be specific. Did specificity did not exist in the 40s?

     - The one who dropped her gun first.

     - Maybe, she’s Pierce’s kid or so says Sharon. Maybe you used to babysit her. 

     - No, I ...

     - Sergeant Barnes ... - Monica knocked on the door before allowing herself into the bedroom. - There were some letters in the file written by you. We believe it is not our right to intrude onto your privacy so we wanted to give them to you. 

     - God, every time I discover something about you, it makes you sound even older than you are. - Sam leaned against the bed frame as Bucky warringly took the letters from the Monica who left the room once her job was done.

The paper had grown old with time, yellowing around the borders of the Red Room envelopes they used to give the girls who behaved well enough so they could send their parents some news. He remembered stealing a few to try and write any memories which came through so he wouldn’t forget them when the officers erased him. Somehow they always found the letters yet there it was in his hands, a big stack of letters which seemingly hadn’t been destroyed. It was his handwriting that much he knew, however he did not know who Daisy was, he did not know who had the name to which the letters were addressed to. 

     - Who did you write letters to? Steve?

     - Daisy. - he didn’t mean to reply but those words just seemed to flow naturally from him and he was entranced by the name in his handwriting alone. 

The snow felt step onto the ground, it was cold, cold enough everyone was wearing jackets inside despite the heater being on and he seemed to have been transported back into his memories. Everyone was cold and covered but not her and no matter how hard he tried to make up her face, it was fogged up in his memory but he could see her, he could see her in her strap black ballet top and worn out pink ballerina shoes which she had particularly asked Madam B not to be replaced. He could see her, but he couldn’t make her out, he didn’t know who she was. 

    - Daisy, you’re going to get sick. - Bucky could hear himself speak but he wasn’t speaking, he wasn’t there, he was just reliving a memory. 

   - Don’t call me Daisy. I hate it when you call me Daisy.

   - Hey, cyborg brain? Are you ok? - Sam’s voice was echoey until he touched his shoulder and then he was harshly brought back to reality. - Don’t bug out on me, I don’t know how to reset you. 

    - Yeah, just thinking.

The night was long, too long and he spent every minute of it reading every single letter he had written this woman until they were all spread out across the floor of the room; but we loved with a love that was more than love me and my Daisy, I’m sorry Daisy, I miss you Daisy. Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy. He had read that name more than a hundred times and he still couldn’t remember who she was yet he knew he loved her or that he had loved her. The more he tried to remember it, the more his head hurt, the more the blurry memories turned red. He didn’t known who this woman who had meant so much to him was. He shoved those letters under the bed and left the room while Sam was sleeping. He need to clear his head, clearly this woman hadn’t meant that much to him if he couldn’t remember her, but he knew it was a lie. He knew she mattered.

The sounds of his shoes against the floor made him forget about her, her the ghost of a woman he loved. He continued to walk, watching the walls surrounding him until a glass wall broke the continuous light blue of the walls. He peeked through it and there it was, the woman he felt he knew in a black suit on pointe. He was hypnotised by the constant plié to on pointe as if it was nothing. Bucky went around, opening the door to watch her more closely.

   - How do you do it? - he asked, taking her by surprise. Turning around, she had fear in her eyes as she took a step back, something Bucky was used to. It no longer hurt as it used to. - The feet thing. I ... my sister used to watch ballet and they always did that. 

   - Oh, uhm ... it’s all about supporting your body weight onto your toes and wearing the right pair of shoes.

   - I’m Bucky, by the way ... Uhm, thank you for not killing us. 

   - I’m Y/N. - she extended her hand to shake his. - Is the room alright? Do you need anything?

   - Do you know who Daisy is? Sharon said your father is Pierce so I thou ...

   - I don’t. - she interrupted him. - I don’t really know a lot about my father’s private life. I’m sorry.

   - You’re too early for ... - Yelena entered the room in tactical gear, stopping once she saw someone other than Y/N. Her eyes searched for Y/N’s who were begging for help. - Fight training. Closed off fight training.

   - Right, I ... I was just looking for the kitchen. - he said but was still gazing her eyes

   - I’ll take you. - the blonde Russian gave him a tight smile, pointing towards the door and exiting with him.

The air that seemed to have been previously held on her chest came out almost in a wave and she felt herself slide against the mirrored wall until she was sat on the floor, head looking at the tall ceiling as if she were in catatonic state, and maybe she was, she didn’t know. How could she know if whenever he spoke to her all she could hear was that piano, that damned low piano and the mirage of him, the mirage of the life she wanted with him in Westview. She looked at her shoes, worn out, the pink satin which one was shiny new had black worn out spots over where there used to be an embroidered daisy. She was glad it was gone, she was glad it wouldn’t return. Nevertheless, she could still feel her ... Agatha, poking at whatever protected her mind. She could almost hear her calling out to her with promises of all she wanted. They had always gone after her ... the weak link, the one whose will was easy to break. It was no mistake the red room had given her the nickname Daisy out of all flowers they could’ve picked. She was easily broken, manipulated to be a strong fighter but easily broken by those who knew. She wondered if the Red Room was still out looking for her, looking for Yelena ... she wondered what control they still held over her, what control her father had over her. Both knew she was alive, both had tortured her with tapes of ... him. They knew she was alive, it was only a cat and mouse game until they took her away. Their experiment. Their unsuccessful successful experiment. 

    - God, he’s awfully chattier than I remember. - Yelena walked into the room, eyes lowering to where she was. - Who told you to take a break? Get up and fight me. 

    - He knows.

    - Chill, Y/N. He didn’t even know what a waffle maker was until now. He’s not gonna break through whatever you made Wanda do to him which, by the way, I’m against. - the blonde sat next to her. - You let Monica hand him the letters, of course he’s gonna wonder who Daisy is. Terrible name.

   - I’m sorry, Yelena, not everyone had the pleasure of having the code name Hyacinth. -  Y/N teased.

   - It was a great code name. The best code name.

   - No, it wasn’t.

   - Want the morning off? I could spar with Monica or Alexei. - Yelena gave her a kind look and an offer she couldn’t refuse. Last thing she wanted to do was to spar with anyone in her mindset. Yelena understood it, her too having dealt with her own trauma inflicted by the Red Room. In times like these, both girls had learned to leave each other alone to cope with whatever demons they had.

Y/N dragged her knees up to her chest like a kid, hair falling in front of her eyes as she fished for the dog tags under her shirt. She ripped them from her neck, letting the old metal tags slide through her fingers. She clenched the memorabilia of past emotions against her chest. 

  - Yelena said you were gloom. - Wanda walked into the room still in her pyjamas. - Besides your shield is down and your thoughts are loud. You ought to learn to control it someday.

  - Well, you seem to love getting in people’s minds.

  - Not yours. Whenever I get the particular pleasure of doing it  ... - she sat next to her, still in her dressing gown. - You’re either feeling guilty or in such pain. I think it’s time you speak about it.

  - She’s still in my mind ... Agatha. She lingers. 

   - What does she know? She couldn’t even give you an actually accurate mirage of Bucky. Two arms? Please. 

   - She’s gonna be after us non-stop, Wanda. She will pair forces with Ross to get what she wants and then all of this will be as worthless as it was. With Zemo if she needs too ... 

   - She can’t get to you, okay? - Wanda gave her a kind smile, the type of smile she gave the twins whenever one of them was sad but this time it didn’t help. She could hear her voice calling out for her, she could see the purple tint in her nightmares and while Monica and Wanda had learned to deal with it, mostly ignoring it, she could fell the witch’s influence in her stronger than ever. 

She remained laid against the wall of the training room even after Wanda was gone. She looked at the ceiling, fingers toying around with the humidity in the air making it fall onto the ground like rain. Fitting, she thought. Yet again, whatever she could do always seemed to mirror whatever she thought or felt like. It was past midday when she made her way from the gym to her bedroom to get dressed. She knew better than to leave the hex unaccompanied but what surrounded it was wilderness and she always felt at peace in wilderness, the soft sounds of birds chirping and the water falls always made her forget the screams from the red room, the purple aura from Agatha ... it just didn’t make her forget Bucky. She had always wanted to see him again, to apologise ... to ... she didn’t know what to do, she just knew she got tongue tied whenever she saw him, the guilt eating her alive.

    - Well, hello dear. - Y/N turned around, eyes shining white behind her iris as Agatha stood there in her purple peplum dress. - There’s no need for a fight, dear. I just want to talk.

    - Well, I don’t ... - she took a fighting stance but the woman merely shrugged.

    - I just came to give you a shoulder to cry. Word on the street is that your Bucky is around. Isn’t that wonderful, dear?

    - Based on your illusion of him, I’d think you wouldn’t even recognise him. 

    - You know, you’ll always be my favourite out of the three girls. You and I are very similar, my dear. Besides, I can help you, I know how your powers work and it’s not for cheap tricks. I can help you with him, I know what it is like to have someone take the person who you love the most be taken for you but I can help you, dear. You and me, we can get what we want, what it’s rightfully yours.

     - He’s not mine. - she meant her words to come strong, swiftly like the thunderstorm winds yet they faltered, as if they were only now registering in her mind. 

     - You know, dearest ... the good thing about the soul stone is that it made you who you are. The bad thing is, you’re not gonna be able to control what it gave you if your soul is in disarray. The more your mind battles, the more your ability will take hold of you.

     - What do you mean?

     - Why do you think Wanda got more powerful when things were falling apart in Westview?

     - Y/N! - Monica’s voice made Agatha disappear in a cloud of purple mist. Y/N turned her head to the side to see Monica make her way through the trees, decked out in her fighting outfit. - What are you doing here? You missed the early morning brief and you’re in ... whatever you’re wearing.

     - I just needed some time off. - she smiled. - Why are you in battle gear?

     - Darcy’s sure one of the books must be in the Red Room ... the one where you were trained. - Monica sighed, less than happy to have to bring Y/N back to that place but if there was someone who could navigate it, it was her. - Yelena was not trained by ... him, so she does not know. Y/N, I don’t think ... I think you and him should talk. 

    - There’s nothing to talk about. - she forced a smile, following Monica back into the hex. - We are different people, besides ... I don’t think he would forgive me at all.

    - Can you at least tell me what happened? What happened with him, what happened in Westview? Wanda says you’re in pain and I don’t want you to be in pain. You helped me when I was in pain, I wanna help you too. We’ve known each other for what? Five years discounting the Thanos thing? Six?

    - I will talk about it someday. Just not today.

    - Are you in the headspace to go with us? We can always try and see what Sergeant Barnes remembers if you’re not up to it.  

    - I am a professional agent. - she smiled. - I’m always prepared.

The sooner we get this book situation sorted, the sooner she wouldn’t have to look at him anymore. At least that’s what she thought and as such she had no problem returning to the place which she had escaped from years and years ago. Nevertheless, she was first and foremost an agent, someone who fought for others and for once she had to do just that. Be professional. 

She got dressed in her traditional black tactic gear and jacket before heading down to the room where they kept most of their ammunition. It had been Jimmy’s idea to arm everyone involved in a mission just in case despite Y/N, Wanda and Monica being capable to hold their own without it. Even so, having a knife or a gun on them had made wonders before. Normally the people they go against aren’t exactly fair and she had learned that the hard way. As she opened the door to the ammunition room, she came face to face with him lacing up his boots. It was the most common action yet it felt so foreign to see him do it, to see him be in control of lacing up his own shoe laces. Part of her was happy for him, happy he was happy, happy he was his own person but the other part of her screamed for her to let it go of her insecurities, he was not the same man she had known and she was definitely not the same woman. She was guilty for more than half his pain and that, that remained the same. 

Y/N ignored him, sliding past him to grab her own utility belt which was really nothing special except for the fact she had gotten everyone important in her life to carve their initials in them. Her point was if she was dying on the field, she had least had something which reminded her of the love which regardless of every bad thing she had done, still remained. She wrapped her belt around her waist and thigh, yet nevertheless it was still too loose. Damned belt.

   - You’re putting it wrong. -  Buck mumbled.

   - Pardon?

   - The belt. - he got up and walked up to her. - The second strap ... it’s too low on your thigh, should be higher.

   - Oh ... -  she moved her gaze away from him.

   - Here. May I? - he asked her, hoping to meet her gaze but she merely nodded still looking the other way. Bucky unclasped the strap from her thigh, bringing it up further up, his knuckles brushing against the fabric of her trousers. She slowly moved her gaze to look at him and he fixed her belt before he moved up, eyes staring into hers. They seemed to look at each other for a lifetime, before he cleared his throat. - It should be better now.

    - Uhm ... thank you, Sergeant Barnes.

    - Cyborg brain, how long does it take to lace up some boots? - Sam’s voice reverberated through the room making the two take each a step back going back to the distance between them. 

    - I have to go. - Y/N grabbed her jacket, exiting the room as fast as she could.

The plane ride was equally unbearable with her sat in front of him, catching his eyes every once in a while. God, she used to love his eyes. She still remembered being tangled in grey worn out sheets, laying across his chest just looking at him, looking at those eyes which always looked the same even when he forgot her. Those blue eyes, they were always the same despite the two of them being different people from who they were in the Red Room. Speaking of the devil, it no longer looked like one. It was falling down, the once crown jewel of HYDRA had worn out with time. The red walls were fading to brown, the spotless rooms were now filled with dust and ghosts of memories. It was gone, so how come it still haunted her?

   - Wanda and Sharon will take east, me and Sam west, Alexei and Yelena south and Y/N you can take north with Sergeant Barnes. - Monica suggested. Y/N shot her a way too familiar look, almost as if she were about to argue with her yet she understood the basis of her decision. After all, not everyone had ... a something controlling power. 

She took charge into the very familiar north wing of the building. They kept most off the girls who were yet to pass to the red room there and it had been her home for years. Bucky however, was remembering things which he couldn’t fully understand. He knew this place yet he didn’t remember walking these halls, he remembered the pain. He could still feel the pain, the much too familiar pain of having all he knew be gone.

    - You’ll take the right and I the left? Sergeant Barnes? - she put her hand on his hand, almost magically taking him away from ghosts of his pain. - Do you want to stop?

    - Yeah, I’ll take the left. - he rebuffed her, turning left.

The room seemed to take him in, memories of his own strained voice as he yelled out for some mercy returned to his consciousness, memories of things he had said, things he hadn’t said. He swiftly turned around, turning his gun to the door before turning back again to see a woman standing in front of him.

    - Woah lower the gun down, dear. - she had an eerily smile on her lips. Buck took a step back slowly but she moved her hand, a purple glow followed by the sound of the door closing. - I’m only here to help.

   - Y/N ... - he tapped his intercom but no sound came from it.

   - Yes, that’s exactly who we are talking about. You see I know who Daisy is, she knows who Daisy is. - she took a file from under her shirt. - Everyone knows who Daisy is but you. Now, I think it’s really unfair you don’t know so I decided to even out the game.

She threw the file onto the ground before disappearing. God, at least back in the 40s people only removed their faces. Bucky looked around, wearingly of his surroundings much more than he was before.  This room. was playing with his mind yet the file laying on the ground proved the woman wasn’t a mere mirage of his mind. He kneeled down too grab the file, opening it to reveal a passport photo of Y/N accompanied by an information sheet. He read through the first lines quickly until one particular fact stopped him. Known aliases: Daisy.

taglist: @lookiamtrying​

[raindancer2004]

Blended Family

Word Count: 5,038 Demetri x OC - Part Ten - Final Part Warnings: Fluff. Yes, I have used a picture of Charlie for grown-up Nico.

Felix and Demetri put Sophie through ‘Newborn Bootcamp’ to help with her self-control. “Hey buddy, what are you doing here?” Demetri asked as Nico entered the courtyard “I’m here to help…” “Nico, I can’t let you do that” Demetri cut him off “I’m half-human so my blood will appeal to mum and I’m half-vampire so I am quicker and stronger than Ellie” Nico told him, a determined expression on his face, as he looked between his parents “You’re not quicker or stronger than her” Demetri warned, pointing at Sophie “I know dad, but you’re quicker and he’s stronger than she is” Nico nodded in Felix’s direction. Sophie was holding her breath whilst Felix had wrapped an arm around her waist, ready to hold her back if needed. Sophie let out the breath she was holding and looked at Nico “I’m sorry for the other day sweetie, you know I’d never hurt you or Ellie” “I know mum, that’s why I’m here to help. Ellie’s missing you and dad and doesn’t know why you went for her and the quicker you get control, the better…for all of us.” Demetri gave Nico a proud smile.

Wednesday afternoon, Nico tested Sophie’s self-control in a way that Demetri and Felix did not approve of but went ahead anyway. He decided to cut his palm and left a trail of blood from the garden fountain to the Queen’s prized Rose bushes. Sophie picked up the scent and started to follow it but stopped after a few moments as something didn’t feel right. She inhaled deeply and fear ran through her entire body “Nico” She cried out and ran to him, cradling him in her arms, whilst inspecting the still bleeding wound. “Are you ok sweetie?” She asked concern laced in her voice “I’m fine. I cut my hand on purpose. It was a test” He smiled at her “I-I could’ve hurt you Nico, why would you…” “I had faith in you mum, I was relying on that mother’s instinct of yours and guess what, it worked, that part of you won over the blood thirsty newborn part” He said proudly and watched relief and happiness wash over her face “Come on or that’ll get infected.”

Demetri stood watching the scene unfold with Jane and couldn’t believe his eyes “That’s one brave kid Demetri” “I know, but I’m still upset with him, he risked his life” “He doesn’t see that way Dem. You should be proud of them both, I am. This means their bond is stronger than her need for blood.” Jane replied “I suppose this means you won’t be pain dropping my mate anymore?” He asked “I only did it three times and it was on the lowest setting, I promise” She replied.

Thanks to working with Demetri, Felix, Jane and Alec twenty-four-seven, Sophie got her bloodlust under control within a week and everyone was proud of her, especially Demetri. Admittedly, Sophie did kill the postman on Friday, but in her defence, he smelt really appealing, like ‘chocolate and cinnamon’ and she did completely ignore Gianna who sitting less than three feet away at the time, something Gianna was happy about, so much so she helped Sophie dispose of the body. “I think that’s progress. Well done Sophie” Gianna praised with a smile “Thank you Gianna and for helping clean up” Sophie replied “Demetri is likely to be less upset about the ‘accident’ if he knows we took care of the ‘evidence’” Gianna added.

That Sunday Demetri decided to allow Sophie to see Ellie as she was missing her mum and he couldn’t take the sad look in her eyes anymore “Is mummy ok now? Can I see her soon?” She asked as he carried her back to his room “Mummy is feeling better yes, she struggled a little after she woke up as a vampire. We’re going to see her now” Demetri replied gently and Ellie smiled at him.

Once they reached the door, he put Ellie down and watched her run into the room and straight to Sophie “Mummy” Sophie picked her up and held her close, breathing in her scent “I’ve missed you hunny” “I missed you too mummy.” Alec was in the room ready to remove Sophie’s senses if needed. Demetri knew that Ellie was aware of Alec’s gift, having caught him playing peek-a boo with her when she was younger, in that ‘special’ way that only Alec could. “I’m sorry about what happened in the garden last week Ellie” Sophie said low “It’s ok mummy. Santiago explained that newborns can be unpredictable and that I wasn’t to blame” She replied and snuggled into Sophie. Demetri and Alec smiled knowing that Sophie and Ellie were going to be fine now, although Demetri knew he’d still be worried about them until Sophie had passed her newborn stage.

Time Skip – Ellie at 13 years old

Having hybrid going through an accelerated teenage phase was one thing but having a human teenager in the castle was something no one was prepared for, with the exception of Sophie and Gianna.

Ellie woke up one morning with a sore stomach and blood on her bedsheets, giving herself and Nico a mini heart attack. “Nico...Nico wake up” He rolled over and grumbled sleepily “Whaaat? It’s too…” “I’m in pain and bleeding Nico, please” She cut him off, pain evident in her voice, Nico was instantly awake and with his feet tangled in his duvet fell out of bed in his hasty attempt to get to Ellie. He pulled back her duvet to look at her to discover there was no visible wound but there was blood surrounding his sister and he panicked, he phoned his dad knowing he and his mum liked to get an early one on one training session in of a morning. “Dad. Ellie’s in pain and bleeding, please come quick” Sophie overheard the conversation and knew exactly what was wrong with Ellie and was fully prepared. Sophie had to practically wrestle her mate and son out the room and “But Soph, she’s my daughter…” “Dem, please this is embarrassing and awkward enough for her, let me deal with this and then you can see her” Sophie cut him off. Alec caught the scent of blood as he left the throne room and ran straight to the elite guard floor “Ellie, Ellie…” “Ellie’s fine Alec” Demetri told him but he still tried to fight him to get inside Ellie’s room, Nico stood beside his dad, blocking the door.

Jane stepped out of her room “Don’t make me use my gift on you brother” Sophie couldn’t believe that she had threatened Alec with her gift as everyone knew they had a pact to never use their gifts on each other. “Ellie’s bleeding and they seem so calm about it” He growled back, clearly worried about Ellie. “Ellie is having her first period and doesn’t need you crowding her right now. Let Sophie deal with it” Jane explained and found it amusing when Nico and Alec’s faces held identical confused looks “It’s a monthly thing Nico” Demetri added, having calmed down “The first time is always unexpected” Sophie called through the door “If you knew what it was why did you not say something dad?” Nico asked “You said Ellie was bleeding and I panicked, it didn’t cross my mind that it could be the reason when you rang but your mum knew what was wrong when she heard our phone call” He replied and heard Sophie and Ellie snicker from behind closed doors “What were they going to do mum, rip apart the invisible man that hurt me” “Not funny Ellie. I was worried and hurt myself falling out of bed to help you” Nico grumbled “I know, I’m sorry I was worried too but you can’t blame me for that” She called back. “Why’s Alec so worried?” Ellie asked quietly “He cares about you Ellie, we all do” Sophie replied low.

That afternoon Ellie curled up into a ball in her parent’s bed with a hot water bottle whilst watching film with Sophie. “This happens every month, the cramps and bleeding?” Ellie asked “Yes, hunny, it’s all part of becoming a woman” “Well, that sucks” Ellie replied. Demetri sat at his desk with Nico beside him as he looked up information on ‘menstrual cycles’ “They really should add a chapter on this at the back of the baby books, warning parents of what to expect during the teenage phase” Demetri muttered, Nico nodded and replied “It’d be more helpful if they sold a teenager version of the baby book” Sophie choked back a laugh “I’m sorry for being an inconvenience to you all” Ellie retorted, Nico flinched at the attitude behind her tone “You’re not an inconvenience princess, it’s just…I was unprepared for this stage in your life” Demetri replied, turning his chair to look at her “He bought baby books after we met so he’d be able to look after you and know what to expect as you aged slower than your brother” Sophie told her “Well I’m sorry that I wasn’t born a hybrid” Ellie growled and rolled over “It’s not my fault I’m a lowly human” She muttered low but they heard her and tried not to laugh “I warned you the teenage years would be fun” Sophie said “I don’t remember you using the word fun mum” Nico replied “I remember you saying one ‘wait till she’s a teenager’” Demetri added.

Once Ellie had her first period, the monthly week-long mood swings were a minefield that Demetri and Nico dealt with in their own way, much to Sophie’s amusement. Alec on the other hand kept his distance for the first two days of that week, after Ellie threw an encyclopaedia across the room once, that narrowly missed his head screaming “Arrgh, I hate being human.”

“What happened?” Demetri asked Alec as he entered his room “All I did was enter her room to say hi and to see if she wanted anything” He told Demetri who shook his head. “Rookie mistake” Nico muttered smirking “How come she doesn’t throw stuff at you two?” “Dad and I will not share our secret with you. You need to figure this out on your own” “Now you’re just being mean Nico” Alec replied and Nico just smiled.  

Nico and Demetri learnt after a few months how to avoid being shouted at and having items thrown at them during the ‘bad’ mood swings. Their research online told them that chocolate releases endorphins, which is the happy hormone and some women get a craving for chocolate, so as a result there was always a stash of Ellie’s favourite chocolate in the fridge. As Nico runs hotter than her due to being a hybrid, Ellie often snuggles up with Nico when she has stomach cramps and if she gets too hot, she cuddles into her mum or dad. Nico also found that running Ellie a bath with her favourite bubble bath ‘Raspberry and Vanilla’ scored him brownie points, especially if he handed her a hot chocolate to drink whilst she soaks. “You two spoil her, you know that right?” Sophie asks her mate and son “Being a human teenager sucks mum, anything I can do to make it better for her I will” Nico replies “She’s my daughter, I can’t watch her suffer either, I’m sorry” Demetri replies “I know but you’re setting a high bar for her mate to reach” Sophie replies “If he can’t reach or exceed the bar, then he doesn’t deserve her” Nico replied and Demetri nodded.

Caius sets Ellie and Nico a History assignment in which they need to write a report on someone that they admire from history. Ellie decides to write her report on her dad and she borrows his Volturi crest, his engraved silver compass from Sophie and the baby book he bought so he’d know how to look after her for the show and tell part of the report. Nico chose to write his about Marcus, because although he lost the love of his life, he didn’t let that destroy his life, he found a way to continue living without her. This is something Nico admired.

Demetri was getting ready for guard duty but couldn’t find his Volturi crest “Hey Nico, have you seen my crest? It isn’t where I left it” “Ellie has it. Ellie also has your silver compass and the baby book you bought years ago” Nico calls back “How do you know she has those items?” Demetri asked curiously “That’s what I do, I track objects” Nico replied and Demetri gave him a proud smile “You do a have a gift and it’s tracking related” Demetri pulled Nico up into a hug “I’m so proud” “Thanks dad…I hate to cut the proud dad moment short but I have to join Ellie in the library as we have to present our reports to Caius. You and mum should come along” Demetri released Nico and went to get Sophie from Heidi’s room “Hey, mi amore we are needed in the library” Demetri smiles at her.

Aro, Marcus, Sulpicia and Athenodora are sitting in the library with Demetri, Sophie standing in the doorway listening to Nico and Ellie give their reports, along with Felix, Heidi and the twins. Demetri feels proud when he realises Ellie’s report is about him and his life starting with him being born and raised in Ancient Greece, becoming a vampire and living in Egypt with Amun and Kebi as they helped him hone his gift, then meeting and joining the Volturi as an elite guard. She also speaks about his tracking gift and how it works. Finally, she speaks about the last thirteen years, where he met his mate Sophie and together, they raised her and Nico. “I admire my dad because although he has been around for 1000 years and seen and done many things, he’s still learning and experiencing new things, mainly thanks to me, his human daughter and he takes it all in his stride. Also, he is fiercely loyal and protective of those he cares about and I love him very much” Demetri felt his eyes filling with venom “I love you too princess.”

Time Skip – Ellie at 16 years old

Once Ellie and Nico had completed their education with the Kings and their wives, Nico wanted to experience college in the human world with Ellie, but she wasn’t so keen after her childhood experience in the human world. Sophie, Demetri and Ellie were sitting on the sofa in Demetri and Sophie’s shared room, with Nico sitting on the chair beside them “Mum, dad, Ellie, there’s something I want to talk to you about. I’d like to attend college in the human world” Nico saw shock wash over their faces “Nico, you can’t be serious? You know what I went through as a child” Ellie said, not quite believing what she was hearing “I know Ellie but it was different back then, you were a child and attended school alone. This time we are grown up and we’d attend college together.” He replied giving her a smile. “I have no problem with you attending college, all that I ask is that you do it together” Demetri added looking between Nico and Ellie “Will the Kings be ok with this Dem?” Sophie asked, worried “They will be ok with it as Nico and Ellie do not pose a threat to us or our secret” Demetri replied.

Nico and Ellie attended college together posing as twins; Ellie studying Art and Literature, Nico, Art and History. Both of them excelled in their studies and made a few friends whilst remaining close to one another. They had been in college for a few months when one of their mutual friends invited them to a party that weekend. “We’ll let you know if we’re free” Nico told their friend politely, Ellie nodded in agreement.

Later that night Felix could hear Demetri and his daughter having a disagreement about her being allowed to attend a friend’s party “Come on dad, Nico’s going to be there and I am older than he is” She said “I said no Ellie, you’re only 17” Demetri replied “Exactly dad, I’m 17, I’m am adult and have been for a year. I only asked to be respectful. I mean I bet Nico didn’t ask to go” “You may be an adult in the eyes of the law but you are my daughter and I said no…” “But dad” “But nothing. I do not want you at a party where there are boys and alcohol. End of discussion” “Arrgh I hate you” She stormed out of her parent’s room entering her own and slamming the bedroom door shut behind her “Went well then?” Nico smirked, putting down his book to look at her “Bite me” She replied throwing herself onto her bed.

Demetri squeezed the bridge of his nose and counted to ten “Kids” He muttered; Felix stood in the doorway laughing “What’s so funny Fe?” Demetri asked “Oh I’m just remembering a conversation we had about…17 years ago regarding ‘immortal teenagers’ and how you said you’d go crazy if you had to deal them for eternity. Ironic isn’t it considering you now have two immortal teenagers” He chuckled “Helpful Fe” He growled and Felix held his hands up “I bet you sympathise with Carlisle and Esme now” Felix replied smiling “Get lost” Demetri growled. “Everything alright?” Sophie asked entering the room noticing Demetri looking stressed and Felix looking amused “Ellie hates me because I said she couldn’t go to that party on Saturday and Felix thinks parenting immortal teenagers is funny” Demetri replied “Ellie doesn’t hate you babe, she’s just upset, angry maybe and she lashed out in the heat of the moment. Trust me” Sophie said as she cupped his face; she leaned forward and kissed him “Can I ask why she isn’t allowed to go, seeing as Nico will be there?” Sophie asked cautiously “Because there’ll be boys and alcohol and I don’t want her around that…I won’t be there to protect her” He answered low; Felix left the room knowing that the next part of that conversation was a private one. “Ahh…ok” Sophie said realising Demetri’s reasoning “You cannot protect her from everything…” “I can and will protect her from that environment mi amore. I know Nico will be there but…” “He’s not her father” She said low “Exactly, I am. I failed you…I will not fail my daughter” She cupped his cheeks pressing her lips to his “Our daughter” She corrected and he nodded resting his forehead to hers “You didn’t fail me Dem, you didn’t know me then remember” “I know but…” He trailed off “Maybe we should tell her why you are so protective” Sophie said softly “Then I’d have to tell her she’s not mine…that I’ve lied to her all this time…then she’ll really hate me” He sounded upset at the very thought “Ellie is yours; she always has been and always will be…you know that” She reassured him “I think she knows that you’re not biologically related given that Nico grew up quicker than she did” She added and he nodded.

Demetri knocked on his kid’s bedroom door before popping his head round the door “Ellie, we need to talk…alone. Nico do you mind?” “Not at all dad. I’ll be with mum” Nico got off his bed and left the room. “Can I sit down?” Demetri asked nodding to the end of her bed “Whatever” She replied, he sat down and took an unneeded breath “You and I need to talk princess…but I need you to know I love you so very much and that will never change” Ellie sat up and nodded “O-ok” “You know that mum and Nico aren’t biologically related…” He paused and she nodded “Well, neither are you and I…before you say anything you were two months old when I first met you and your mum although we didn’t get together straight away…” “I know you had Nico with someone else, she passed away and you and mum met back up when I was four months old and the rest is history as they say” She cut him off and he smiled “Yes, but…there’s something you need to know about…” Demetri cut himself off when Ellie climbed onto his lap, wrapping her arms around him “You are my dad, you’re the only dad I’ve ever known. I know why you’re protective of me and I understand your reasons for saying no about the party…we don’t need to talk about it, really” Ellie said resting her head on his shoulder “I love you dad” She kissed his cheek “I love you too Ellie, more than you know” He tightened his hold on her “I’m sorry I said I hated you, I didn’t mean it. I could never hate you” She told him, tears filling her eyes “Hey don’t cry, I know you didn’t mean it. It was said in the heat of the moment” Ellie nodded and snuggled into him; he kissed her hair.

Sophie and Nico stood in the doorway watching them “For what it’s worth mum I was never going to that party, I would only have gone to protect her” He placed an arm on her back “I know sweetie, you’re a good brother” She said as she wrapped an arm around him “I’m curious to see how they get along once she’s immortal…I mean he will be the one to train her and everything” Sophie whispered and Nico chuckled “That is going to be one interesting year. I suggest we hide anything breakable.” Sophie chuckled too “You know we can hear you two, right?” Ellie said looking at her mum and brother “I have experience dealing with newborns…both human and vampires so we’ll be just fine” Demetri added smiling “Not to mention Uncle Felix will doubt help you out” Nico added “Dad’s going to show me how I can take down Uncle Felix as I’ll be as strong as him once I’m a newborn” Ellie added smiling “Now that is one fight I’d pay to see” Sophie said laughing “As long you put your money on me mum” “Of course Ellie, with your dad teaching you how to fight it’ll be an easy win” She replied “I know his weaknesses” Demetri whispered in Ellie’s ear smiling.

Alec sat with Demetri for a little while during the initial part of Ellie’s transformation “You know seventeen years ago I watched you and Sophie blend your little families together to create a new one, you accepted each other’s children as though they were your own and I admire you both for doing so as it couldn’t have been easy” Alec said thinking back to when Demetri met Sophie and Ellie and when he bought them into their world “It wasn’t easy at first as I had to keep a big secret from her but once I had told her about me being a vampire and we had spoken of the circumstances surrounding Ellie and Nico’s births, everything fell into place” Demetri replied and Alec nodded “I remember and the ‘mission’ that occurred after that conversation” “Speaking of Sophie and Nico, did you know that after she got control and everything settled down, Nico asked her to bite his wrist so that he has her mark on him and he bit her wrist in return; their venom marking each other, thereby strengthening their mother /son bond; making them mother and son, as they explained it to me afterwards” Demetri asked “I didn’t know that but I can understand the logic behind it, as they have always had a close relationship as mother and son” Alec replied “Ellie told me recently that once I change her, she will truly be my daughter as she’ll have my venom running through her and she and Nico will also be actual siblings” “Therefore finally becoming one blended family” Alec added “Exactly” Demetri said with a smile.

Ellie woke three days later to find her parents and brother waiting for her, her red eyes scanned all of them before settling on her dad. She ran straight for him and jumped into his arms wrapping hers around his neck “Thank you for keeping your promise. I love you” Having caught her with ease Demetri wrapped his arms around her “I had no intention of breaking that promise princess. I love you too.”  He set her down on the floor and she hugged her mum next.

“Look who’s finally joined the immortal club” Nico said smiling, Ellie punched his arm lightly “Hey little sister play nice” Nico says still smiling “Excuse me, little sister? Na ah. I’m older than you little brother” She replied “I’ve always been your big brother Ellie” “That’s because you had an unfair advantage of being a hybrid, therefore you have ‘played’ at being my big brother…but now I’m all grown up it’s only fair we resume our actual roles, little brother…or should I call you baby brother” She replied in a teasing tone, Demetri and Sophie laughing at the expression on his face “Baby brother?” He mouthed and she nodded “You may be older than me but you will always be my cute little sister” Nico wrapped his arms around her hugging her “I love you Ellie” “I love you too Nico” Ellie replied hugging him back. Demetri watching Ellie closely, to ensure she doesn’t attack Nico and feels proud of her for not being tempted by her brother’s human half.

“Ready for your first hunt princess?” Demetri asked “Yes. Is Nico still coming?” Ellie replied “Of course I am. I promised not to hunt or drink blood until you were changed, wanting us to share that experience together” Nico answered her with a smile.

Demetri, Sophie, Nico and Ellie left the castle to go hunting as evening fell, Demetri leading them to alleyway where it would be easy to lure humans to their death without exposing themselves. “When I say you run forward and grab the humans by the throat and waist ensuring your grip is tight and bite down hard” Demetri instructed his children as he eyed a human couple walking towards the alleyway. “Nico stay with your mum and Ellie, I’ll be back in a moment” Demetri said and made his way to end of the alleyway and spoke to the approaching couple “Please help me my wife is hurt…” Demetri led them into alleyway, getting closer to his family, a moment later Demetri’s voice calls out “Now” Nico and Ellie run forward with Ellie grabbing the female and Nico grabbing the male; holding them against themselves and biting down on their necks letting the blood flow down their throats, Ellie feels the burn ease with each delicious drop of the female’s blood. “Well done you two. You were quick and they were fairly clean kills” Demetri praises “Yes, you both showed more restraint than I did when I was a newborn” Sophie added with a smile, Demetri sped over to her and took her into his arms “So you struggled a little at first but you gained control quickly, with help of your family and friends” Demetri told her, kissing her temple “I think mum’s a little irked that you are a calmer newborn than she was” Nico whispered to Ellie “I can’t help that” Ellie whispered back “I know Ellie.”

Demetri enjoyed training Ellie, teaching her to fight, to protect herself and to take down Felix in a sparring match. Nico even joined the sessions to test Ellie’s skills ahead of her ‘match’ with Felix and was impressed with his sister’s skills.

The sparring match between Ellie and Felix was watched by the whole castle, Caius and Athenodora even held up a banner ‘Go Ellie’ “Not playing favourites at all are we, brother?” Aro asked amused, Caius ignored him and cheered her on, shouting “Well done little one” when Ellie finally pinned Felix down, with his arms bent behind him.

A few nights later Demetri and Sophie were enjoying some quiet time together, reminiscing about the last seventeen years “I know there have been some challenges along the way, but I think we did a great job of blending our families together and raising our children” Demetri said to Sophie “I agree, I mean it was impossible not to fall in love with you and Nico, you’re both so adorable” She replied smiling and he chuckled “Well you and Ellie captured our hearts straight away too, being so cute and human” He smiled against her neck “We’re not human anymore” “I know, I am the one who turned you both…remember” He kissed her neck and she hummed “I remember everything, including Ellie capturing your heart on the plane, even if you didn’t realise it at the time” “Nico captured yours at the park the moment you saw him, mi amore” She nodded and snuggled back into him, as they sat on the sofa, the fire crackling low.

Ellie and Nico were standing in their parent’s doorway “Bless them, they’re strolling down memory lane” Ellie said to Nico, her voice teasing “They’re right though, there have been challenges but we’ve overcome them as a family. For the record Ellie, I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. You were so small and cuddly” He told her smiling “You were cute too bro, and I appreciate that you spent so much time with me as we grew up, even though you aged quicker than me” She looked up at him and smiled “You’re my sister and I liked spending time with you, I still do now. I found you fascinating as you grew up. Most impressive though was how you won over the Kings, including Caius, but I think putting the vampires in a timeout helped you two bond” He chuckled at the memory “What can I say, I’m just so darn loveable” She replied smiling. “That you are” Demetri agreed smiling over his shoulder at his children “I’m looking forward to spending forever as a family” Sophie added smiling.

[winters-void]

100

a/n: this is based off of episode 9 of season 5 “100″ of criminal minds. -Requests are open.

warning: death, blood, violence, angst, George foyet, murder

relationship: dad! Hotchner x daughter! reader, Spencer Reid x reader (light)

____

Y/n felt her heart in her chest. She couldn't hear, over her heartbeat and her vision was blurred due to the immense amount of tears in her eyes. She felt Spencer's hand on her shoulder and that was all it took to break down. She fell to her knee's being caught along the way by Spencer and began to bawl into his shoulder. His cane fell to the side as he held her close as she broke down into his body.

— previously —

Y/n was exhausted. She graciously took a cup of coffee from Spencer as they made their way up to the bullpen. Finally, there had been a break in the Foyet case. She was so tired of this devil. It seemed like he was everywhere she looked. Even if he wasn't there physically.

She could feel him in her dreams, plaguing her with nightmares. Every time she looked at the family photo on her desk, and a picture of her and Jack from her little brother's 3rd birthday she was reminded of the torment he had caused her family. From stabbing her father and leaving him at the hospital, and now threatening Jack and her mother. She was so tired of it.

They were working on a geographical profile now, focusing on the two different addresses from the letters he had sent. Garcia and Kevin where cross referencing a list of Foyet's medications, trying to find something that he couldn't get over the counter or on the streets.

"Okay so what are we going to do about the two cities?" J.J. asked. "Usually we need 3 different points to get an accurate geographic profile."

"That's all we got right now." Derek speaks from beside her.

"Gaithersburg, Rockville, D.C., Alexandria, Bowie, Annapolis." Prentiss begins listing off nearby cities.

"Where the hell are you Foyet?"

Wasn't that the question of the hour? Of the year actually. All Y/n wanted was to have her family under one roof again. Even if her parents were divorced, she just wanted the ability to call her mom after a long case and play with her little brother. Instead, they were placed into protective custody. She knew they were safe, at least she hoped they were.

The team wasn't told where they were going whatsoever, it was safer that way. No way of knowing where your mom and brother were, and not knowing how to contact them. There was a small amount of people who knew where they were located.

"Okay, me and the boy found a thyroid medication that has no substitute over the counter. You gotta get it from a pharmacist, but a lot of people are on it." Garcia said bursting into the bullpen with a laptop in her hand.

"Find the midpoint between the 2 cities." Rossi told her. "And isolate names in a 25-mile radius."

"153 names." Garcia told him.

"He's smart enough to use a different name." Y/n spoke up. "This guy lived off of the grid for years."

"What kind of names should we be looking for." Derek asks.

"He could've easily stolen someones identity." Prentiss speaks up pointing toward Derek, reminding Y/n of the night her father got stabbed and Foyet checked him into the hospital using Derek's credentials.

"No, he's a narcissist in love with his own mythology." her dad speaks up, flipping through a file. "He'd use a name connected with the case."

"A victim maybe, a cop." Rossi adds.

"Okay, let's check the Foyet files for a list of names, and... nothing." Garcia says shaking her head.

"Wait a minute guys." Her boyfriend speaks up. "Foyet likes things to have meaning to him. The eye of providence, the addresses he wrote on the bus that led us back to him."

Spencer stands up, walking to the bored and writing "George Foyet" on it. "Maybe he's doing the same thing with the alias."

"Like an anagram or something." Prentiss says catching on.

Spencer begins crossing letters out and drawing arrows. Y/n wonders what's going on in his mind. He's always been brilliant and she's not sure she'll understand how he does it all.

"You see something Spence?" She asks him.

"Not yet."

"Reid, he named himself the reaper." Her dad tells him and suddenly 'the reaper' appears on the board as well and Spencer repeats his process of crossing out letters and making arrows.

All of a sudden he turns around, with a name. "Peter Rhea." He speaks.

"There's a Peter Rhea in Arlington." Garcia says looking down at her laptop.

"We found him." Rossi says.

___

The team begins to suit up. Y/n pulling on her vest as calm as possible. Her hands are shaking and everyone notices. This isn't the normal Y/n whatsoever. She just wants her life to go back to normal. With a case hitting this close to home, she can't help but feel like her nerves are racking up against her.

"Hey." Spencer says placing a hand on her waist gently. The rest of the team looks away giving them a moment. "You're okay. We're going to get him."

"Are we?" She asks, voice cracking.

___

Y/n, Spencer, J.J. Derek and Rossi were in an empty building across the street from Foyet's apartment. They had a swat team behind them and Y/n was sitting next to Rossi, her back to Spencer who was leaning on his cane.

"SWAT's getting antsy." Jennifer told Morgan. She didn't really listen to what else they had to say. She just focused on the building ahead of them.

Less than 15 minutes later, the decision to move was made. Derek sent in someone with a camera to look under the door of Foyet's apartment.

"What's that on the floor?" Her dad asked from beside her.

"That's his mail." Derek said and the decision to move out was made. They ran across the street, guns drawn, followed by the SWAT team and undercover units.

They busted into the apartment quickly, discovering Foyet wasn't there.

"He's not coming back here, he left an untouched meal." Her father declared.

"You drop your mail like this when you're startled, when you need to get out of dodge quick." Rossi tells him.

"Something tipped him off, he knew we were coming."

"Suitcases are open there's some clothes missing, there's a safe with a stash of guns in it." Derek says coming back into the kitchen with J.J.

"He didn't even bother to lock them up again." J.J. adds.

"If he's in a hurry, he'll make a mistake." Rossi says.

"Yeah but when Foyet gets cornered he starts killing." Hotch says leaving the room.

"We're not gonna let that happen."

"We need Garcia to get on this." Y/n whisper watching Foyet's screen. It's continuously deleting files from its system. As Garcia reworks the files, you notice something in a picture. "Wait, stop, stop! Is that-"

"The US Marshall assigned to my family." Her dad says looking right at her. He leaves a message on Kassmeyers cell before locking eyes with Y/n. "Let's go."

____

The black SUV's halt to a stop outside of the U.S. Marshals house. When walking inside, they find Kassmeyer on the ground, slowly dying. Rossi gets an ambulance as your father tries to communicate with him.

Y/n could hear the sirens of the ambulance now as medics came in.  "Gunshot wounds to each leg he's missing several fingers and he's badly beaten." Spencer said from beside her.

"Clear out of the way" the medics ordered her father before getting to work. As they got into the ambulance Hotch followed him into the vehicle leaving Y/n with the rest of the team breathing heavily. She felt Spencer grab a shaking hand and squeeze it tight.

Later on the team received a phone call from Hotchner, telling them that Foyet called Y/n's mother from Sam's phone.

"We'll get Garcia to trace it. J.J." Morgan said nodding at J.J. to start working on that.

"He told her she was compromised and I was dead, and that Y/n was in critical condition." Her dad told them.

"Well have you called her?" Prentiss ask him.

"No. He said to throw her phone away and to buy a disposable." Y/n heard her dad say. She wanted to vomit. There was too much happening at once. She wanted to be calm and collected but there was too much on the line. This case was targeting her home, her family.

"Hotch we're gonna come get you right now." Morgan told him.

"No, Anderson's bringing me a car."

"You want us to meet you back at the office?"

"I'm hoping that she's just going to call me, at least, to check. Maybe even Y/n."  

"Foyet posed as a Marshal, called from a number that she recognized." Derek told him.

"And then he did what gets him off. He scared her." Rossi added.

"No, He paralyzed her. He overwhelmed her." Prentiss told the team.

"And now, she trusts him. Where do you think he would take her?" Spencer asked him.

"Witness protection had her living in New Jersey." Prentiss told Spencer.

"He has a head start. He could be there now."

"Garcia's got a trace." J.J. told the team a form of somewhat good news.

"He's bouncing between a few towers." Garcia spoke being added to the call.

"Where?" Y/n's dad asked panicked.

"Fairfax County." Garcia told him.

"He's still local?" Y/n asked confused. "He wants to be close."

"Send the coordinates to my phone." Hotch told her.

Hotchner hung up from the phone call, and the team watched as he called another number.

"Wait that phone's on?" Prentiss asked.

"Hotch is calling Foyet."

"Garcia get us connected to that call." Y/n spoke grabbing the phone.

"Agent Hotchner." Y/n heard Foyet's voice on the phone and her blood ran cold.

"If you touch her.." She heard her father tell him.

"Be gentle, like I was with you?" Foyet asks and Y/n is reminded of walking into her fathers empty apartment find his blood on the floor. "What the hell took you so long? I was beginning to think this phone was dead or something. Why so quiet? You usually lash out when you're frustrated."

"I'm not frustrated. You're more predictable than you think." Her father spoke lowly.

"Am I?" Foyet asked.

"You didn't know where Haley was so you made her come to you."

"You make me sound lazy."

"Just another way for you to show control." Hotch told him. "Your mother tried to protect you from your father but she wasn't strong enough and you hated her for that didn't you? You decided that all women were weak."

"Those are your words, not mine."

"What were you 9 when you killed them?"

"It was a car accident."

"That you couldn't take credit for. That had to be hard for you. But poor George got another chance, the little orphan was saved. By the wealthy, sterile Eastside couple, the Foyets and the story should've ended there." Hotchner spoke, analyzing the Reaper.

"I don't believe in fairy tales, do you?" Foyet asked him.

"That's the thing, George. This isn't a fairy tale." Hotch told him. "You don't have to write this story, you don't have to do any of this. I know you're exhausted, always looking over your shoulder." Her father was pleading with the man now. "Always wondering when the other shoe is gonna drop. Haven't you gotten what you wanted? You've set yourself apart from anybody we've ever dealt with. You're not just a famous serial killer, you're the reaper. We're gonna study you and your methods for years and years."

Foyet took a moment to respond. "You know what I've been thinking? Haley looks pretty good with dark hair. She's lost some weight, must be all the stress you've caused her. Where's the little man? Oh. There he is. Does he like Captain America because of you?"

Another phone rang in the background. Y/n's eyes began to swell with tears. This sick bastard was watching her family. He was playing them like a fiddle.

"That's your wife. Hold please." She listened closely as Foyet answered the other phone. "Mrs. Hotchner."

"I'm here." Y/n heard her mothers voice and she closed her eyes to hold back the tears. It was the first time she'd heard it in months. Never in a million years did she think this would be the circumstance.

"Open the gate and I'll drive in." Foyet told her, and not knowing any better her mother agreed. "Aaron? I really got to go."

Her mind wasn't there while the team was talking. She was just trying to think of where they could be. It clicked once Reid recited Foyet's end of the conversation.

"The gate. The fucking gate. He's going to my house." She blurted. "The one I grew up in."

Immediately she grabbed a pair of keys to one of the SUV's and began heading out the door.

"No, give me the key's you're in no condition to drive." Derek said. "I'll call Hotch."

"Foyet's going to your house Hotch." Derek told him.

"I know." Her father spoke.

"We're sending a full tactical unit. We're on our way."

With that the phone was hung up and Garcia's voice came through to the line they were all connected with. "Foyet's calling Hotch."

"Garcia can you get us on?" Derek asked her.

"Foyet."

"Aaron?" Her mothers shocked voice said. "You're okay? What about Y/n?"

"I'm fine." Hotch said and y/n could tell her father was swallowing his tears. Attempting to make it seem like he was okay. "Y/n's fine as well. She's with the team."

"But.. he said that-" Haley cut herself off. "Oh Aaron."

"He can hear us right?"

"Yes. I am so sorry." her mother apologized and Y/n bit her lip. She felt Spencer place a hand on her back.

"Haley, show him no weakness." Her father told him. "No fear."

"I know, Same told me about him. Is he uh-"

"No Sam is fine." Hotch lied. Sam was indeed very not fine.

"Aaron, Aaron, Aaron." Foyet spoke up. The reality of this situation becoming a lot clearer to Y/n ever second that passed. "Is that why your marriage broke up? Because you're a liar?"

"Don't listen to him Haley."

"I have Sam's service phone right here. They sent out a mass text about his death. You can take a look if you want."

"He's trying to scare you." Her father told her. "Did you even tell her what this was about? About the deal?"

"He's just trying to make you angry."

"Well she should be, she's gonna d-i-e." Foyet spoke up, taunting the family. "Your kids are going to be motherless because of your inflated ego."

"Ignore him Haley." Hotch spoke.

" I'm sure you don't want her to know about this part either." Foyet added. "You know, all he had to do was stop looking for me and you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Don't react."

"What is he talking about?" Haley asked.

"Tell Jack I need him working the case." Y/n knew what that meant. Jack needed to hide. She prayed that he would remember and listen to their father.

"What?" Haley asked confused.

"Tell Jack I need him working the case."

"Did you hear that?" Haley asked her younger brother.

"Hi daddy." Jack spoke into the phone causing Y/n to lurch forward. Her heart ached for her younger brother. His whole world was about to change and he was too innocent for that.

"Hi Buddy." Her dad said voice cracking.

"Is George a bad guy?"

"Yes he is." Hotchner said clearing his throat. "Jack, I need you on this case with me and your sister. Do you understand? We need you to work the case with me."

"Ok daddy." Jack said and Y/n hoped he knew what to do. He was a smart kid, and it was one of his favorite spots to be in when Y/n and Aaron worked on a case at home together.

"Jack, hug your mom for me and sissy okay?" Her dad knew she was listening in. She heard some shuffling and knew Jack was giving Haley a hug for the last time.

"Mommy hug me too tight." Jack said unknowing of the situation at hand.

"I'm sorry." Haley's voice said gently.

"Why are you sad?" Jack asked.

"Oh, I just love you so much." Haley said. "You and your sister are the light of my life."

"Mommy, I gotta go. I'm working the case." Jack told her. Y/n heard Jack's footsteps retreat from the room. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. They were still too far away.

"He's so cute." Foyet said. "He's like a little Junior G-Man. I'll be right up, Jackie boy!"

"Is he gone?" Hotch asked her.

"Yes." Haley responded wiping away her tears and sniffling.

"You're so strong, Haley. You're stronger than I ever was." Aaron told her.

"You'll hurry right?" She asked. Y/n looked at Derek almost as if urging the car to go faster and she felt Spencer grab her hand. She'd be squeezing her fist so tight there were imprints left from her nails.

"I know you didn't sign on for this." Her father told her.

"Neither did you."

"I'm sorry for everything." Her father admitted.

"Promise me that you will tell him how we met and how you used to make me laugh." This was her goodbye.

"Haley-"

"He needs to know that you weren't always so serious Aaron. I want him to believe in love because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him. Promise me."

"I promise." Her fathers voice was a whisper. Tears were quietly streaming down her face at this point.

A moment of silence thickened the air, before the sharp sound of 3 gunshots rang out. Y/n broke down in the back of the van letting out a steady stream of quiet tears and flinching at the sound. Derek and Rossi looked back at the girl as Spencer pulled her close letting the girl sob into his shoulder.

"Mom-" She croaked out in barely a whisper. She knew Haley was dead. She knew Foyet would make sure of that. She was in shock at the moment. She didn't want to believe her mother was dead, but she knew that was the case.

The line went dead after the sound of her father throwing the phone and she knew they needed to get to the house as fast as possible.  Morgan sped down the street of her old home, skidding to a stop in front of the house. They found her father relentlessly beating Foyet to death before Morgan wrapped his arms around him and pulled him away.

"Hotch! Hotch!" He yelled. "He's dead. Hotch stop, come on, stop it. It's over, It's over." She watched as her father broke down in Morgans arms. "It's okay it's over man."

Y/n felt her heart in her chest. She couldn't hear, over her heartbeat and her vision was blurred due to the immense amount of tears in her eyes. She felt Spencer's hand on her shoulder and that was all it took to break down. She fell to her knee's being caught along the way by Spencer and began to bawl into his shoulder. His cane fell to the side as he held her close as she broke down into his body.

"Jack-" Y/n said before bolting from the room and into her fathers office. She heard his footsteps behind her. She went to the ottoman that served as a storage unit and opened the lid, not quite knowing what to expect. Her father appeared behind her, a breath of relief escaping both of them to see Jack's face.

"I work the case, just like Daddy said." Jack spoke innocently.

More tears rolled down Y/n's face as she reached into the box to pull her brother out. "Good job Bub" She whispered pulling him into her arms and falling into her dad's embrace.

"What happened to you daddy?"

"I'm okay. I want you to go outside with Ms. Jareau okay?" Hotch told his youngest.

"Come here, sweetheart." J.J. said picking her little brother up and taking her down the stairs.

"Where is she dad?" Y/n asked and slowly they walked into the bedroom where Derek was checking her mothers pulse. She was laying there lifeless, and stained with her own blood.

"I'm so sorry Hotch." Derek whispered and slowly she dropped to her knees next to her mother letting out a sob.Grabbing her hand and falling on top of her not caring. about the blood seeping onto her.

"Mom." She sobbed. "Please, no-"

She knew there was no coming back from this. Still, her mind didn't want to process that the woman who raised her was really gone. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Her mom was supposed to be there while Jack grew up, and to watch them both get married and become a grandmother.

"Y/n." Hotchner spoke laying a hand on his daughters back.

She let out a flood of tears screaming into her mothers body as her body racked with sobs shaking violently. She let go and fell back into her fathers embrace staring at her mother's lifeless eyes as he hugged her tightly.

"Get out of here." She faintly heard Derek say. "Go see if they need any help downstairs."

___

"She was already gone." Y/n told Strauss looking blankly at the table. "My dad could do nothing for her, but there's not a doubt in my mind that he saved my brother from what Foyet would've done to him. He would be dead as well."

"She died rather quickly." Strauss told her. Y/n flinched at the word. It was still hard to process that her mother was really gone. "She didn't suffer much."

"That doesn't make it right." Y/n snapped before biting her tongue. "I'm sorry-"

"I'm sorry for your loss." Strauss told her. "If there's anything your family needs-"

"Thank you."

Y/n stood up and nodded at the director before walking to the bullpen to be with Jack and the rest of the team again. She sat down next to Spencer as Jack ran to his sister.

"Hi Bub." She said pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Hi sissy." It wasn't long after that when her father joined and Jack got down from her lap to greet their father in a hug. Reid placed a loving hand on her back and she felt herself relax for the first time in that day into his embrace.

She grabbed his hand subtly and squeezed it tight. I Love you.

He squeezed it back in response and she nodded. I love you too.

[goldenchan-fx2thepeacock]

Don’t Go Running Off Into Danger, Even If I Do pt 3

Hek. I woke up today and found that my FNP phic has 41 notes and my DGROIDEIID phic is gaining attention and reblogs; holy shit. And I woke up at noon. It’s Saturday. I sleep in on such days. Anyways. Last I checked, Val and Danny were gonna go get Dani, but we need some Dip and Mabs action cause I forgot last night. I will probably develop an uploading schedule later. For now, just have random updates. I might even make a side blog for this shit.

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Chapter 3

Dipper stood off in the background as Danny got into an argument with a dracula ghost. By the amount of times he heard Plasmius, this must’ve been Vlad. Danny looked pissed when he finished. He still took Dipper and Mabel to their classes, but when they tried to find him at lunch, he was absent.  “I wonder where he is?” Mabel pondered.  “I’m sure he just had something to do,” Dipper replied. Some guy walked up to their table.  “Hey, you’re the kids Fenton is touring. Listen, he’s Phantom and I have proof!”  “And you are?” Mabel said patiently. “Wes Weston. Listen, you gotta believe me!” “We legit just moved here, we have no clue what you’re talking about. Leave us alone,” Dipper said. Wes looked taken aback.  “Fine! Fenton better worry. I will expose him. I just need more proof,” Wes stalked off. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look.  “Should we be worried?” He asked Mabel. “He seems to have it under control,” 

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Danny stared off into the daylight as they flew. Val set down.  “Come on. She’s fine. Why are you losing it?” “Just a certain Wisconsin Ghost told me about you keeping her,” “Vlad?” “Wait, you know?” “I’ve known since I met Dani,” “Jeez. I’ve known since I met the guy during my parents college reunion. I’m still pissed at him for that whole invisble wall fiasco,” “That was him?” “Yeah. I mean, I started it, but he kept trying to get in my mom’s pants. I needed to put him down a peg,” “You made his wall invisble!?” “Yeah. But it’s not like being naked on camera is going to tell the public any secrets,” “I’m confused. Why do care so much?” “It’s nothing,” Danny grunted. They were headed to the basement. “It seems to be something,” “I have things I’d prefer not to reveal to the entire school,” “No one saw your dick. You managed to catch it in time,” Val was confused. Danny laughed.  “Hey Val. Why would a guy have a female clone? Oh right. I forgot to tell you. Dani is more or less my clone because Vlad was being extra creepy,” “Weird. So she isn’t your cousin. Wait. OH MY GOD! Danny, I understand completely. If Dash knew, you’d be dead meat,” Val caught on quickly. Danny couldn’t but laugh at the dead meat. “Hey! What’s funny?” “I am dead meat Val!” “I’m an idiot. Anyways, we’re here,” She opened the basement door. Dani was sitting on the couch.  “Danny? Val? What’re you guys doing here. Shit, sorry Danny,” “It’s fine. She knows,”  “Who else knows anyways?” Val said.  “You, Jazz, Tucker, Sam and literally all the ghosts,” “Vlad included?” “Vlad included,” “And Amity Park can’t connect the dots?” “No one knows Danny Phantom has a human life. I’d be seriously pissed if someone told the general public,” “That’s fair. Anyways. We’re here because a certain Dracula cosplayer told Danny you were in danger,” Val said. Danny snorted. “Dracula cosplayer? I have to use that on him,” “Why would anyone think that’s a good look?”  “My ‘dad’,” Dani said. Thus causing both her and Danny to break out in laughter. “Where does the whole cousin thing come in?” Val asked. “My ‘Unkie Vlad’. It’s his way of making me family,” “Unkie?” Val looked lost. “I like being a little bitch to him,” “He deserves it! You should expose him,” “If I expose Plasmius, Masters exposes Phantom,” “Oh jeez,” “And there is a very good reason not to expose Phantom. And they wear way too much white,” Dani said quietly.  “I’d prefer not to get dissected,” Danny said haughtily. “They already want to,” Val made a noise of disgust.  “How could anyone with a set of morals do that?” “Heh. I’m a ghost. Not really real to most of the world. I don’t have feelings. Don’t feel pain,” Danny repeated what the ghost hunters had told him way too many times.  “That sounds awful, but we should get back to school. Cya Dani!” Val waved and put on her helmet.  “Hey, wanna leave the quick way?” “What do you mea- AAAAAAAH!” Val screamed as Danny made them both go intangible and up through the roof. “Never. Do that again,” “Hey, at least you didn’t end up going through the table and random floors and get banned from handling anything fragile,” “I’m confused,” “When these powers first came in, I was stuck dropping everything. From my pants to beakers,” “Oh jeez. So, why aren’t nerd and nerdette with you?” “Tucker had to go see a doctor out of town and Sam’s mom took her to this convention thing. They’ll be back tomorrow,”  “No comment on the nicknames?” “They’ve been called worse,” Danny shrugged. “And I’ve been shoved in way too many lockers to care,” “I have one last question. Why on earth would you try to date me when I was trying to kill you? And why did you destroy the suit when I could’ve been inside?” “That’s two questions. But Fenton and Phantom needed a distinction, and I knew you weren’t inside. Technus was controlling the suit,” “You are a mystery,” “I’d like to keep it that way,” “You won’t tell anyone my secret if I don’t tell anyone both of yours?” “That makes it sound like you’re going to tell one of them,” “That’s not what I meant,” “We need to come up with an excuse as to why The Red Huntress suddenly has a truce with Phantom,” “Later. I need coffee,” “I couldn’t agree more,” The plume of blue air showed up. “OH COME ON!” “What,” “I have to deal with something,” Danny sped off. 

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Dipper and Mabel looked at the chaos in the caf.  “Students! Hide under tables! Ghost Hunters and/or Phantom will be here soon,” Mr Lancer yelled into a megaphone. “Already here!” Someone yelled. A flash of white said Phantom. There was blue ghost throwing boxes around.  “I am the BOX GHOST!” It yelled. “Yeah, we know. Just say it already,” “I will win this fight with boxes of... spoons! BEWARE!” “Don’t you know not to bring a spoon to a knife fight?” “You do not have a knife!” “No, but I do have a thermos!” Phantom pulled out a green and grey thermos and flipped the lid.  “I will not stay in your cylindrical object!”  “Looks like you’re gonna have to,” Phantom pressed a button and a beam of light came out of the thermos and sucked the Box Ghost inside. “Is everyone okay?” Kids pushed out from under the tables.  “Phantom! Will you sign my book?” Dash said. This must be a cruel joke.  “Ghost boy! The Fenton Peeler is back in action,” “Whoops, gotta go!” Phantom dashed off as Jack and Maddie Fenton came rushing in. “Darn it. Missed him again,” They ran off. Danny walked into the caf and ran over to them. “You guys are lucky that your first ghost attack was the Box Ghost. Harmless,” “Doesn’t look very harmless to me! That’s gotta’ve been at least a level 5,” Dipper opened the journal. “Nah. Box is a solid 2. Hardly a step up from an ectopus. Might get concerned if Desiree shows up. She’s a level 5,” “What’re you?” “We more or less tested it. Pretty sure I’m a 7,” “That means they aren’t a big concern to you most days,” “Mmm. King Pariah was a level 10. That was terrifying. Vlad’s an 8. Convinced he’s a 9,”  “Okay,” “Skulker gets to be a 6 on a technicality. Without the suit, he’s a 1. He can be an 8 on a bad day. I think Frostbite is a 9. He won’t bother you guys though. Dan must’ve been a 9, but I’m not going into that. Technus is an 8, but can be a 10 if he gets his hands on the right tech. Clockwork is an 11, which technically doesn’t exsist, but Clockwork breaks the mold. He won’t bother you unless you end up destroying the world in the future,” Danny shivered.  “Who’s Dan?” Mabel looked confused.  “Nobody. Just a horrible way to learn not to cheat on tests,” Danny shivered again. “But that’s not important. I didn’t cheat on the CAT,” “Your life seems more hectic than Gravity Falls sometimes,” Dipper said. “Where is that? I’ve never heard of it,” “Oregan. Never Mind All That,” He knew the rules. “You know, the way you say that is kinda creepy,” “We’d be breaking the law if we told you why,”  “Jesus. Well, it’s not like we’ll get another Pariah unless an idiot thinks it’s a good idea. He’ll never get his hands on the crown of Fire,”  “Time Out,” Dipper and Mabel looked around.  “Umm, CW, why aren’t they out with everyone else?” “They’ve met Cipher. At this point, I cannot pause time for them,”  “Eh, whatever. Mason, Mabel, this is Clockwork. What’d you need?” “I actually came to speak to you about the Crown of Fire. In defeating Pariah, you gained ownership,” “I, uh, did what now?”  “Gained ownership of the Crown. Though in your case, it would be the Crown of Ice,” Clockwork repeated. Danny looked lost.  “I don’t need to be the King of the Ghost Zone,” “Someone must take the place. It’s your duty,” Danny looked like he was about to have a full on panic attack.  “Can it wait?” “Two years is a long wait as is,” “B-but it went thousands of years before!” “Because they failed to remove the crown and it wasn’t a singular person,”  “What’s two years in the Ghost Zone? As far as I’m concerned, that doesn’t seem like a long time. Walker was gonna give me a thousand year prison sentence,”  “You get some time, but I’ll tell you, if you take the crown, the Ghost Zone enters an era of peace unprecedented,”  “Danny, what’s happening,” Mabel asked. Danny snapped and started hyperventilating.  “I can’t. No. Why? I just wanted to keep the world safe! Is that too much to ask?” “Daniel, you do get time to think about it. Just remember, time can pass however fast or slow I want it too,” “Right, of course. Cya CW,”  “Time In,”

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Danny trudged home. Exhaustion and anxiety gripped him. Mason and Mabel had been concerned, but he wasn’t about to explain everything. He’d talk to Sam and Tucker tomorrow. It didn’t help that he’d had gym after lunch. At least there wasn’t any more disappearing walls.  “Danny! How was school?” Mom asked as he walked in the door.  “Great!” Danny said and rushed upstairs. He’d deal with The Box Ghost in a minute. Jazz stood in his doorway. She didn’t know about Dan, but she did know about Pariah. “Danny, is everything okay?” “No, everything is not okay!” “What happened? Is it Dash again? We should report him,” “It’s not just that. You remember the Pariah incident?” “Yeah, you don’t just forget that,” “Well, turns out that by beating him, I ‘gained ownership’ to the crown,” “That doesn’t sound bad exactly,” “It’s horrible!”  “How?” “I just wanna be a kid, ya know? It’s hard enough living a double life, but ruling the Ghost Zone? I’d have no chance to do anything remotely useful in the human world,” “You wouldn’t need to. If you ruled the Ghost Zone, ghosts wouldn’t come here anymore,” “The King can’t enforce rules in the Human World. It’s just scary,” 

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Aight, that’s a chapter, I guess. The ideas tend to come from random places, and my brain is running out of ideas. I need to do another “planning session” which is coming up with scenarios in my head to make sure they make sense.

[fluffonthebunniestail]

What a Sleepover

Okay, so I may or may not be plotting some headcannons for Zuko 👀👀

BUT, in the meantime- I must push this fic out because I've been thinking of it for a while!

Also, small psa. Just because two dudes are having a sleepover, hugging, holding hands etc. does not mean they're into each other, or gay. Same goes for females, we all just need affection sometimes and shouldn't have to be dating to do so!

Summary: Karma and Nagisa are having a sleepover because that's what best friends do :)

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It was the last class before a well deserved free day. Well, it feels very well deserved.

It was a rough week of extra training not to mention crammed-in study sessions for the following tests. Finally, about ten minutes until school's was done for.

Nagisa was just bouncing his leg in excitement, especially because he is going to go home with Karma.

It wasn't very often they got to hang out anymore, so he was going to take this sleepover and enjoy it. And everything else can go shove it.

So yeah, Nagisa was quite excited. It was a time to just be stress-free. Not just from the normal teenage stress, but the stress placed on their shoulders about the end of the world.

So, when the bell finally rung, it took every bit of will power not to whoop. Instead, he said his goodbyes to Kaede like the gentlemen he is.

He then, packed his things, walking towards Karma's desk.

"You ready to go?" He asked.

"Yeah, give me one second." Karma replied, pulling his back over his shoulder. "Okay, you won't mind if we stop by the store real quick? I want to pick out a few things before we head to my house."

"Yeah, we can go." Nagisa said as they began to walk out the door together. "What are you gonna get?"

"Just some snacks, I don't know. If you see something you like, tell me."

Nagisa just nodded as they continued to their journey to the store. It was mostly accompanied by silence, but it was nice silence. Just listening to some music they've recently found with the occasional bob to the beat.

Once they finally made it to the store, Nagisa just followed behind Karma.

"You cooking tonight?" Nagisa asked seeing Karma picking out some beef.

"Yeah, I was planning on making some beef curry. Unless you wanna order."

"Nah, I always prefer your cooking."

"Damn right."

They got to the isle filled with snacks, Karma just let Nagisa pick out a few.

"Imagine if your parents were here." Nagisa mentioned making the other snort.

"God, they'd lose their shit. I mean sure they're gone but they're... something." Karma huffed, shaking his head.

Nagisa could remember the first time he met Karma's family, it was strange to say at the least. They were putting Karma on a strict diet, despite the fact that he was already skinny. It was just strange.

"Has it ever bothered you?" Nagisa asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Uh, I mean, them being gone all the time. Does it bother you? Like don't you get lonely sometimes?"

"Not really, it's weird. I don't miss them if that's what you're asking."

"When was the last time they were here?"

"Uh, shit I dunno. A little before I was suspended last year."

"Shit."

"Oh don't worry, it's freeing if anything. It's nice. I'm not a people person."

"I know, I know. But still."

"How about, worry about yourself and your own jackass of a mother." Karma said lightly punching Nagisa's head.

He always does that.

"Well, welcome to my humble abode. You already know where everything is and whatnot. Do me a favor, set something up to watch while I make dinner, will ya?"

"You got it chef Karma." Nagisa soluted then retreated to the living room getting something to watch.

Long story short, Karma finished cooking, they ate it and it was absolutely delicious.

Like what couldn't he do?

They then watched some fun stuff, did whatever they felt like until they set up camp in the living room. Aka, Karma getting blankets and pillows, and for them to wrestle who got the couch and floor.

Then they just talked, talked about some woke shit, but not really woke shit ya know?

"Terasaka's a bitch." Karma blurted.

"You're an even bigger bitch." Nagisa retorted, snorting at the random statement.

"Hey, at least I take pride into it."

Nagisa just changed his position slightly by resting his head on Karma's stomach (they're resting like a T) Hey, bromance. It was normal, Karma wasn't very touchy feely but Nagisa was and Karma had to accommodate. Basically, Karma didn't have a say but he didn't really care. It was nice having someone trust him like that.

"This year is crazy." Nagisa said just staring into the ceiling.

"And it's not gonna be any less crazy any time soon."

"You think we're actually going to kill him?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"On how sappy everyone gets."

"But we have to."

"There could always be another way. It always bothered me when Koro Sensei said that he blew up the moon and will to the earth. What is stopping him? He could've done it a long time ago when even the higher ups can't do shit. How come he's now giving us -fucking students of all people- a deadline. He could take us all out as easily as a blink of an eye, what it stopping him?"

"Should we ask him?" Nagisa asked, making Karma bark out a laugh.

"Absolutely the fuck not."

Nagisa just hummed in response. Karma then just sighed obnoxiously.

"I'm bored."

"What do you wanna do?"

"I dunno."

"You don't know?"

"Nope, entertain me."

"By...?"

"Wearing one of my mom's dresses."

"Fuck no!" Nagisa yelped, sitting up.

"What? It'd just be you in your final form."

"You're an ass."

"Ouch, I'm truly hurt. You've wounded me deeply Nagisa!" Karma said clutching his heart, turning to his side covering his head with a pillow. "Just leave me here wounded to such painful words you've set upon me."

Nagisa just scoffed, poking his side making him yelp sitting up quickly.

"Oi!" He pouted.

"What?" Nagisa asked pretending to be concerned.

"And you're calling me an ass?"

"You wanna see this 'ass'."

"Not really, I can already smell it." He snickered.

"Oh yeah?" Nagisa said putting his hands up. Karma catches them pushing them away from him.

"Nagisa, I will rock your shit."

"Yeah? And I can do the same."

"Sure thing pipsqueak."

"You'll apologies for that."

"Will I?" Karma said pretending to think for a few seconds, "I don't think so."

"You're so gonna get it."

"Yeah, whatcha gonna do about it?"

Nagisa then quickly let go of Karma's hands, tweaking his sides.

"Hey!" He yelped, "That's cheating!"

"How so, modern problems call for modern solutions."

"You did not just say that-" He cut himself off as he saw Nagisa snake his hands towards him. "Okay, we're not gonna do that!" He said pushing Nagisa's arms away from him.

"Why not?" Nagisa snickered, "Is it because little Karma's too ticklish?"

"Nagisa, shut the fuck up." He fumed, his face starting to get red.

"Awwe this is adorable." Nagisa was loving this, after all those times Karma embarrassed him to no end.

"Fuck oHOFF!" He yelped as Nagisa quickly started to squeeze his sides.

Did he fuck off? Nope. If anything, he continued to squeeze his sides. This made Karma fall not so gracefully onto his back. he was slapping and swatting his arms aimlessly at Nagisa, pulling at his hands trying desperately to pull him off.

"STOHOHOP NAGISA!" He screeched, laughing loudly and uncontrollably. He was squirming around as much as he could, trying to buck Nagisa off but the boy was determined.

"What's wrong? I thought you were said you were gonna 'rock my shit'." Nagisa teased. It was hilarious how easy it was to tease Karma.

The redhead was trying. Key word: trying, to retaliate by jabbing his fingers at Nagisa's ribs. Only reason it didn't work was because it actually hurt a bit. Thank god for Karma losing all sense of control when being tickled.

"Oh yeah? Do you think you're in any position to try that?" Nagisa asked, snaking his hands to the hollows of Karma's underarms.

He squealed, arching his back, elbows locked to his sides and laughter reducing slightly to giggles. It's his least ticklish spot, but it still keeps him going strong. He was able to spout out a string of curses and demands of stopping to Nagisa, but all fruitless.

This however, gave Nagisa full access to the spot he knows kills Karma: stomach.

As soon as his hands had even made contact to his shaking abdomen, Karma screeched.

"NOHODON'TPLEAHAHAHA-" He pleaded. He was trying his best to throw the smaller boy off him. However, it was deeming incredibly difficult with the unbearable sensations that spreaded all throughout his stomach. Nagisa made sure to squeeze every bit of his midsection before briefly traveling to his ribs.

He drilled his fingers between his bones without mercy.

"Are you going to apologize for calling me a pipsqueak?" Nagisa asked digging at his stomach again, making him squeal with every vibrating movement.

He knew that Karma could barely speak a proper sentence, but this was very fun.

What was more fun was seeing a bit of skin from his shirt that rode up from all the rustling. Nagisa tried to grab his hands with one hand, not very successful but better then not trying. His other went under Karma's shirt clawing at his twitching stomach making his laugh come out more panicked.

"Sorry, I can't really hear you." Nagisa grinned, vibrating his hand right around his navel making Karma nearly jump out his skin. His laughter went in and out of being silent. Nagisa felt bad and relented his attack.

The redhead in turn was panting out a few giggles holding his midsection.

"Gohod, you're such a dick."

"Meh, maybe. But you deserved it you mega dick."

"Whatever." He waved off Nagisa, sitting up. He turned his head to the blue boy. "You know I'm gonna get you back."

Nagisa just sighed pumping the air deflated, "Worth it."

"Well, I'm getting snacks and you aren't having shit."

"Why must you be so cruel?" Nagisa sobbed. Karma just chuckled walking to the kitchen.

Karma although wasn't a big fan of getting tickled the shit out of him, it was nice to let loose every once in a while. If course he isn't going to say that though.

[dothwrites]

15.12 coda--a parent’s heart bared

Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.--Debra Ginsberg

---

Castiel sits on Dean’s bed, legs tucked up under him. 

It took him a long time to learn this kind of nonchalance, his body unwilling to bend after millennia of enforced rigidness. It took years to teach it how to relax, to learn how to relax into a space, how to be loose. 

He learned from Sam, but mostly he learned from Dean. How to be excessive. How to stretch out into a space. 

In the past weeks, he and Dean have had to relearn how to stretch themselves into the same space. They’ve had to learn how to fit themselves together, how to file away their jagged edges until they’re something resembling smooth. 

They’re still not perfect. There are still those discordant jangles that strike, the times when the memories rise up, bitter and choking, in the back of Cas’ throat. Sometimes, Dean will look at him and something dark and hard lurks in the back of his eyes, but those times are growing fewer and fewer. 

Mostly, Castiel relaxes into the feel of Dean. Like now, when he sheds his clothing, dropping it carelessly into the hamper, until he’s in just a t-shirt and his boxers. Castiel watches Dean brush his teeth and run his fingers through his hair, just the easy, calm routines of night, but Dean makes them look like a dance. 

Dean turns around and catches sight of Castiel watching him. “What are you looking at?” he asks, but there’s a pleased little smile on his face. Dean likes the attention, same as Castiel likes giving it. 

“Come to bed,” Castiel replies. 

“Take your damn shoes off you savage. And the coat. And the jacket. And the tie.” 

Castiel rolls his eyes, already toeing off his shoes as his fingers work at his tie. “You know that I don’t need to be undressed to find comfort.” 

“Yeah well, it’s weird trying to snuggle up to someone who’s wearing a tie. And it’s just bad manners to put your shoes on someone’s bed.” Dean’s eyes flick over his body, a swift, appreciative dart as Castiel sheds his button down. “Hey there hot stuff.” 

“It’s late and you’re tired,” Castiel says flatly, though not without a small amount of regret. 

“You’re no fun,” Dean accuses, but doesn’t try to argue against Castiel. 

Castiel settles back onto the mattress, the foam easily forming to the contours of his body. Dean follows a few moments later. Tellingly, he slots his body next to Castiel, laying his head onto Castiel’s shoulder. 

Dean is still a man of hard-broken habits, created from a lifetime of fighting and losing and hurting. Even now, he still refrains from asking for or seeking comfort unless it’s the most dire of circumstances. 

Castiel holds back, even though the words crowd on the tip of his tongue. It’s what he’s learned--he has to wait for Dean to approach him, for Dean to drop his walls and allow Castiel to help. 

He doesn’t wait long. 

“So Kaia’s going to Sioux Falls with Jody,” Dean says. His breath wafts over Castiel’s chest. Were this a different night or a different mood, this conversation might end much differently. But Castiel’s learned control--Dean doesn’t need that from him, not now at least. “I guess she’s going to be another citizen of the Wayward Girls.” 

Castiel hums in agreement, unsure of where Dean’s taking this topic. “Jody had a kid the first time we met her,” Dean continues. “A son. Her kid.” His fingers push into Castiel’s side before he continues. “Never figured out how he died the first time, but the second time...Sam put him down.” 

Castiel’s heard the stories. At the time, his vision tunneled by the upcoming apocalypse, he’d expressed what he thought were the appropriate noises of sympathy and changed the subject as quickly as he could, unable to see why he should spend sympathy on one dead human when there were billions of lives at stake. Now, with the memory of Jack’s screams still echoing through his memory, Castiel understands. 

“Losing your kid...” Dean trails off, but Castiel thinks that he’s finally managed to unravel the thread of this conversation. 

Jack is still a tender subject, the edges of the wound not quite healed. There’s too much anger, guilt, love, and worry to tape over and forget. Castiel knows; Castiel understands. But the fact remains that he never wavered in his belief and Dean...

“I thought about being a dad,” Dean says, turning his face so that it’s mostly hidden in Castiel’s lap. The heat from his breath spreads out over Castiel’s pants, turns them humid and damp, but Castiel doesn’t dare to move. After a moment, he settles his hand onto the back of Dean’s neck and lets his thumb rest in the hollow of Dean’s jaw. 

Dean relaxes into the contact. His shoulders loosen, even as his arm wraps firmly around Cas’ waist. “Just, you know. Sometimes. I knew that it was never going to happen, but still...” He trails off and Castiel lets him. He’s had to learn to let things go. To accept that some things, Dean just can’t--won’t--do. 

“Thought that I’d gotten it there for a while.” Castiel knows where Dean’s mind goes--to the year when he was with Lisa and Ben, the year where he tried his best to fit in with civilian life. To give it his best shot at normal. And meanwhile, while Dean was languishing away, Castiel was making deals with the devil. 

Castiel doesn’t care to remember those years. 

“But it wasn’t...It wasn’t...” Dean huffs in frustration. “I always said that it had to be someone in the life. Anyone else, they wouldn’t get it. They wouldn’t...And then, with you, and Sam, and Jack...It just...it worked.” 

Castiel strokes over Dean’s temple. He knows what Dean means. Jack fit into their lives, seamlessly as though he’d always been there, and Castiel had rejoiced, had found different ways to tell Dean--This is it. This is our family. This is where we put down roots.

“And then it got all blown to shit, and...I’m just thinking.” 

“About?” Castiel finally dares to ask, when Dean trails off into silence.

Dean rolls onto his side and looks at Castiel. 

“About kids. Claire, Kaia...Jack...They’re really all just kids. Every one of them...” Dean’s voice grows thick and he speaks through it; for his sake, Castiel pretends to ignore it. “Everyone of them got screwed over by their parents.” Dean inhales, loud and shaky in the silence of the room. “I always promised myself that I wasn’t going to...That if I ever had a kid, that I would...you know. I wasn’t going to be my dad.” 

Castiel’s thumb stutters to a halt before he continues. “He was a complicated man,” Castiel says after a moment, knowing the veritable minefield he’s just entered into. 

“That’s a nice way of saying that he was a dick.” Dean’s laugh is a small, sad thing. “For so long, I told myself that he did the the best he could, but he didn’t. He didn’t do the best he could--He could have stopped. He could have left us with Bobby. He could’ve...shit, I don’t know, but he could have done so many other damn things rather than what he did do. And I always said...I’d do it differently. I’d treat my kid different. I’d be better. And then I turned around and I put a gun to my kid’s head.” 

Castiel’s throat constricts. Seeing Dean, the man that he loves, the man that he had died for, would still die for...Seeing Dean standing there, his only thoughts intent upon Jack, the boy who he’d given himself up for, would eventually die for, and knowing that there was nothing but anger in Dean’s heart...If he slept, he would have nightmares about it. He still sometimes, in the strange suspension between awareness and not, thinks about it and what he could have done differently. Still examines the what-ifs from every angle, just to see--Was there anything he could have done? 

“It’s over,” Castiel says, for Dean’s benefit but partially for his. “Jack is back, and...” He tries to put into words, how much Dean has changed. How much better it is now--the automatic trust. The way that Dean’s eyes shift to his, checking in. The surprising lack of temper, even as sometimes their world caves in around them. It’s so much better, and Castiel needs to tell Dean.

“I let him down Cas. I let him down, Sam...I let you down...And all I wanted to do was to things right. To make it better for him. For all of them.”  

Dean puts a small emphasis on the word ‘all’ and Castiel knows what he’s thinking of--not just Jack, alone and afraid, so much newer to the world than any of them, but also Claire, Kaia, Patience, Alex...All the children they’ve met along the way, battered and broken, who deserved better. 

“So we’ll make it better.” The certainty settles in Castiel, above his roiling doubts and fear. “We’ll fight Chuck...We’ll end Chuck, and we’ll make it better.”

“Yeah?” Dean looks up at him, but it’s hope and not doubt in his eyes. “You think?”

Castiel holds Dean close and pushes away all of his doubts and fears--of how they’re going to kill the creator of the universe, what doing so will do to his boy, how he and Dean will weather the change, of the gloom and blackness slowly gathering at the corners of his vision, a reminder of a deal unfulfilled and a debt unpaid. 

He pushes all of that away and concentrates on what he knows to be true: Dean beside him. Dean, flawed and human but trying, always trying to be better. Castiel holds onto the hope that the past few weeks have given him, holds on so tight and so long that he thinks that it might cut him to ribbons. There’s not another option. Not for them, and not for him. 

“I know,” Castiel replies. 

---

Perhaps it takes courage to raise children.--John Steinbeck 

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Blue Eyes Part 35

Summary: After the Garrison is shot up, the youngest Shelby daughter finds a new home in London. She strips herself of her last name and tries to live a peaceful life far away from her brothers’ chaos in Birmingham. But fate leads her right back into it after she runs into Alfie Solomons.

Part 35: Ella realizes she needs to make choices as to what is most important in her life.

           “Look at that, that’s mummy when I was your age. There’s Uncle Tommy and Uncle Arthur. Auntie Ada. Uncle John, oh I do wish you could’ve met him. He was so lovely.”

           Alfie walked into the sitting room after taking a long nap. It had been a couple of days since the cold had nabbed him. Under Ella’s care, he rested up well and felt much better. Luckily enough, neither of the children caught the illness, both were still healthy as a horse.

           He found his wife with Sofia in her arms, cuddled up on the sofa. Ezra was sat on the floor, clumsily pushing around a toy car. Anthea laid near him, her eyes constantly watching him, her tail wagging every so often.

           Cyril had taken up residence on Alfie’s armchair, the big lug sprawled out like he was king of the house.

           “Oh, there’s daddy.” Ella smiled. “Feeling better I hope?”

           “Much better, thanks to me nurse.” He sat down on the couch beside her. “What’ve you got here, aye?”

           She showed him the handful of photographs that she’d brought out on a whim. “Showing Sof some old pictures.”

           “Look at that. Little Shelbys.” He chuckled and studied the picture. It was similar to the one he’d seen on Polly’s mantlepiece some time ago. The next one in the pile was a photograph a little later on. Ella appeared to be around thirteen or fourteen. She had her arm around Ada and little Finn was standing in front of them. The three eldest boys stood near their siblings but all looked solemn and a bit stiff.

           “That was the last picture we took together before they went to war,” Ella recalled. “I didn’t know why Polly was so insistent that we take it. I thought that they’d only be gone for a couple of months. I never imagined…” She sighed and shook her head.

           The third photograph was of Arthur, Tommy, and John. Ada was only a baby, cradled in Arthur’s arms.

           “I dream about him sometimes.” She said quietly, her eyes fixed on the very young-looking John. Too young to be going off to war.

           Alfie wasn’t surprised. Although it had been years since John’s untimely passing, he couldn’t imagine it was any easier for Ella to handle. “What do you dream about?”

           “I’m at Watery Lane. He comes into the kitchen and sits down with me. He smiles and asks what I’ve been doing.” Ella became choked up. “I-I tell him everything he’s missed. I tell him I’ve married and I’ve got twins now. I tell him about you and how much you mean to me.”

           “Yeah? What’s he say to that?” Alfie smiled slightly.

           She laughed tearfully. “Says Arthur will surely have a heart attack.” They shared a chuckle. “I just want to know…I want to know what he was thinking when he passed. I want to know if he was in pain or-or if it was quick. I want to know where he is now.”

           Sofia played idly with the pendant on her mother’s necklace chain. Her eyelids drooped as she listened to her parents talk softly.

           “I just want to know the truth.” Ella brushed a thumb over her daughter’s cheek.

           “Truth about what, love?” Alfie wrapped an arm around her.

           “Tommy said Shelbys don’t die of old age. He said we get killed or we kill ourselves.” She swallowed and shook her head. “I don’t want it to be true but-but I know he’s right. I just want to know our fate. I want to know that Tommy will be okay. That Arthur and Ada and Finn will be okay. I want to know that I’ll be okay.” She looked up at her husband. “That we’ll be okay. That I’ll live long enough to see our children grow. That I’ll live long enough for them to have endless memories of me.”

           “Ain’t no way of knowing, El.” He said with a sympathetic look. “If I knew, I would tell you. I’d tell you anything you wanted to know.”

           “I know you would.” Ella cradled Sofia close as she had fallen asleep.

           Ezra had abandoned his toy car and crawled over to Alfie. He used his father’s leg to pull himself up.

           “Hey there.” Alfie picked him up. “Their hair is getting so long.” He brushed Ezra’s hair out of his eyes.

           “Might have to cut it soon.” Ella agreed. Sofia’s hair had started to form bouncy caramel-colored curls that fell to her shoulders. Seeing the twins age made her wonder more about their birth parents. She wondered which biological parent they resembled more. Whether the father knew they even existed. Whether the mother thought about them every night like Ella did.

           Sometimes the mysteries of life were too much for Ella to handle. She was much like Tommy in that way. She was smart and didn’t like when she didn’t know the answer to things. Answers that remained in the future. Answers that may never be revealed. Answers that were always uncertain. Always changing.

           “I feel like I need to make a decision.”

           “Decision ‘bout what?” Alfie asked.

           Ella shrugged. “Feel like the world’s at a tipping point. And either I’m with my family at the head of it or…”

           “Or?”

           “Or I protect what matters most to me.” She chewed on her lip. “You and them.”

           “That’s your choice to make, love. But I don’t know that there’s anything drastic you need to do right now.” He let Ezra back down when the toddler began to whine and squirm in his arms.

           “You know as well as I do that sometimes there isn’t time. Things explode an-and we all have to scramble for cover. That’s when we’re forced into a box with limited choices. Now we have the chance to make the right decision before things explode again.”

           Alfie had to admit that she was making a good deal of sense. All the years he’d know the Shelbys, they weren’t ones to do things slowly and gradually. They did things with a bang. Sometimes things happened in a snap that was beyond their control. But the impact was the same. They bunkered down and fought strategically. If he stepped back from familial bliss, he realized that Ella’s life, and his own, was just a waiting game. They were still in the playing field but they weren’t the ones making moves. Was there an option to remove themselves from the chess board? Was it feasible to step aside?

           “What do you suggest?” Alfie asked.

           Ella shook her head. “The world’s ours if we want it, Alfie. I just want the best for them.”

           He nodded, watching Ezra in a daze. The little boy crawled over to Anthea who was watching him like a hawk. The pit bull’s tail wagged happily as he approached. She stayed still as Ezra played with her ears, flopping them about. Then he placed his hands over her paws. Anthea leaned over to lick his cheek making him squeal happily and clap his hands.

           Alfie smiled. There was so much time left to watch them grow. To see the steps they’d make. Raised as intelligent, polite, respectable members of society. If he had the world, then he’d give it to them. The best education, the safest place to live, all the gifts, and affection. So, one day he’d see them smile at him. Maybe with children of their own. Maybe advancing the world. Making a difference the way Alfie always wanted.

           He cleared his throat and wrapped an arm around Ella’s shoulders. He kissed her temple. “Yeah, the world’s ours. And we can give it to them.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

       Alfie read the newspaper every morning. It was a routine of his for a very long time. In fact, he wasn’t even sure when it had become typical for him. But every morning he took some quiet time to himself to skim articles. Before it had been to learn more about the war, then how things might affect his business, politics, and anything else he thought would be useful information to take into the day.

           The routine had shifted slightly now that he was in Margate and business wasn’t on the forefront of his mind. Every morning he got up to tend to the twins. Sometimes Ella would be up too but usually, it was still too early for her and she slept soundly as he left the bedroom.

           After feeding them and changing them, Alfie would take Ezra and Sofia into the parlor to sit in the big armchair by the window. Sometimes they didn’t want to sit with him, instead opting to play on the floor or pester Cyril and Anthea or each other. But there were some mornings where both toddlers were content to cozy up on his lap and sit quietly with him. Those were his favorite mornings. Holding his children and spending quality time with them.

           That particular morning, Ezra and Sofia were both curled up on his lap, listening to Alfie remark about certain stories. Sofia was fidgeting with Alfie’s Star of David necklace and the chain of his glasses. Ezra was running his little fingers across the page of the newspaper, delighting in the crinkling noise it made.

           Alfie read the front page with a frown. None of it was good in his opinion. They had entered the realm of radical beliefs and such ideologies were gaining traction, much to his horror. None of it could lead to anything good, he just wasn’t sure when the other shoe would drop and what damage it would cause.

           “Unbelievable.” He muttered. “Fucking unbelievable.”

           Sofia babbled and patted Alfie’s beard.

           “Yeah, sheifale, I know.” He smiled slightly but the news was really putting a damper on his spirits. He should’ve known that if a man like Mosley could gain support, there had to be more men like him. And there would be people supporting them. “S’a fucking joke, all of it. All these people ain’t learned their lesson from last time.”

           Sofia smiled, completely clueless as to what her father was talking about. She just enjoyed having the attention.

           “Don’t matter, papa ain’t gonna be brought into this mess, not again,” Alfie assured her.

           Ezra whined and tugged at Alfie’s necklace to pull his father’s attention away from his sister. “Pa…” He stuck out his lower lip.

           Alfie perked up. “What’s that?” He asked. “You saying papa?”

           “Pa…pa…”

           His heart soared and he jumped up with both babies in his arms, dropping the newspaper. “El, Ella!” He rushed into the bedroom.

           His wife lifted her head with a bleary look. “What, what?”

           “Ez, say what you said again.” Alfie sat down on the edge of the bed with both twins on his lap.

           Ella sat up and blinked a few times to wake up. “What was that?”

           “Papa.” Ezra clapped his hands together.

           That woke Ella up immediately. “Papa? You’re saying papa?” She gasped excitedly.

           Alfie was positively chuffed. “Looked right at me and said it, knows that’s who I am.” He beamed. “Ain’t that right, Ez?”

           “Oh, how have they grown up so fast?” She took Ezra from her husband, cradling him close. “They were so little when Tommy brought them here, now look at them.”

           “Soon they’ll be big enough to go out there and change the world for the better.” He nodded but got a faraway look on his face.

           Ella noticed immediately. There wasn’t much Alfie could hide from her so far into their relationship. “Is something on your mind?” She wondered.

           He sighed and leaned back on the bed, propping himself up with his elbows. Sofia sat on his stomach, clapping her hands together and examining the buttons on his waistcoat. “Been reading the news, yeah, and it don’t look good.”

           “What do you mean?”

           “Just don’t know what’s gonna happen with everything. These fucking fascists.” He grumbled and let Sofia wrap her hand around his fingers.

           Had they never met Mosley, Ella would reassure him that things would be fine and the news was just over-exaggerating stories of zealots. But she’d seen the face of evil and knew how cruel people in that party could be. She knew that Mosley wasn’t the only one and he, along with other leaders, was charismatic enough to recruit others. It wasn’t a small movement, and she could understand Alfie’s worry.

           “What do you suggest we do?” She asked.

           He shook his head. For once, he was out of ideas and didn’t have anything to say. What could he? There were people out there who wanted to bring him harm. Not because of what he’d done in business or otherwise, but because of his religion. His fucking religion. It made his head hurt.

           “From the start, all I’ve fucking wanted was to keep you safe. Then once these two came ‘round, I made it a priority, right? But how can I protect them from something I don’t bloody understand. Can’t even guess what’s gonna happen. But it’s here, it’s in the country. And it ain’t good.”

           Ella was dismayed by how much the stress of the world around them wore on him. She knew her husband was the kind of man with very strong convictions. And when something went against those beliefs, he did everything he could to persist against it. But that wasn’t easy when it was a growing political movement. He was just one man, after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           “How’re the little ones?” Tommy sounded a bit better than he usually did over the phone. Lizzie told Ella the week before that he’d been home more often instead of working. It was nice to hear but Ella was afraid it wouldn’t last. Tommy got bored very easily, he wasn’t born to live a life of quiet luxury out in the countryside. He would get bored and find something else, more trouble to get into.

           Ella just wasn’t sure how to tell that to her sister-in-law. She felt Lizzie already knew but perhaps was still in a state of denial. Thinking that Tommy would come around and drop all the nonsense he’d been carrying on for so long. For the sake of their kids, their marriage, and his own health.

           “They’re good. Ezra said his first word a couple of days ago.” She announced proudly.

           “How about that. Quite the milestone, isn’t it?” Tommy sounded happy but almost as if he were far away. “S’funny how things work out that way.”      

           “What do you mean?” Ella bent down to pick up Sofia who had crawled over to her as she stood by the phone.

           “I knew that when I got the telegram about them at the orphanage, they’d be a perfect fit. Just been thinking about how some things just seem to fall into place.” He explained his musings.  

           Although she didn’t want to end up arguing with her brother, Ella was too tempted to ask. “You must be doing a lot of thinking these days.”

           “I’ve been thinking about the way things used to be.” He admitted in the same detached tone. “When we were all still in Birmingham. You and Ada hadn’t left. John was-John was still alive. We didn’t know anything ‘bout where Michael was. Hadn’t even met Grace yet. None of us had children or anything really. Just had each other.”

           She couldn’t blame Tommy for looking back at the past and realizing how much he missed. He was too focused on making an empire for himself that he failed to acknowledge the bond he had with his family around him.

           “I mean, Christ, even before the fucking war.”

           “Tom, you can’t take things back.” Ella reminded him in a gentle but non-compromising voice. “This is the way things are now. You’ve got Lizzie, and Charlie and Ruby. John and Grace are gone, along with…so many others.” It was hard to even list all the family and friends they’d mourned since the golden period Tommy was referencing. “But that’s just how things are. Can’t do anything but move on.”

           “I don’t know where I’m moving towards, El.” He mumbled. “Every fucking night I have a dream. Dream that I’m in a fog and I can’t see anything. Everything ahead of me’s too difficult to see. But I can’t turn around either.”

           She sighed and allowed Sofia to play with her necklace as she talked. “That’s life, Tommy. There’s nothing more I can say about it. It’s something we all have to come to terms with sooner or later. We aren’t kings and queens. We aren’t gods. We aren’t immortal. We can’t stop time.”

           Tommy didn’t seem to really comprehend the words his sister was saying to him. It was as if he just heard what he wanted to hear. The rest was nonsense, just static. “There’s something bad coming, El.”

           “I know. Alfie’s been saying the same thing.” She agreed. “But I don’t know if there’s anything we can do. I mean, figure it’s up to Parliament or-or…I don’t know.” Before, it was easy to see a solution to a problem. Tommy made it all seem so simple. If there was someone giving them trouble, or they wanted to make trouble, they went in with threats or brute force. But that was on a much smaller scale compared to the entire continent erupting. “That’s why I wanted to call you. I’ve been thinking about options.”

           “Options about what?”

           “Well, given the beliefs of the fascist party, I’m worried whether we’re vulnerable. With Alfie retired and with raising the twins, I don’t want to put ourselves at risk. So if there’s somewhere safer…”

           “Ella, there’s no running from anything. That’s not how we handle things.” Tommy interrupted her on the first whiff of her leaving. The idea sent him into a panic within seconds.

           “Not how we handle things? I don’t care how you handle things, Tom. There isn’t a code of conduct I have to fucking live by that you sign off on. If I have to do something to protect my family, I’ll do it in a heartbeat and it isn’t for you to say.”

           There was a pause before Tommy lost his cool. “This is history repeating itself, isn’t it, El?”

           “Oh, what on Earth are you talking about now. You just-”

           “Your birthday!” He shouted over her. “Your bloody birthday when you up and left because you were afraid. So afraid that you ran right into the arms of Alfie Solomons!”

           Ella’s jaw popped open in absolute shock. It had been years since her brother had been hostile about what happened in 1920. “For Christ’s sake, Tommy, that was almost ten fucking years ago!” She snapped. “And you’re bringing it up now?”

           “What happens when you run, aye? It’s a fucking pattern. So you’re gonna run again? Then what’s going to happen?” He questioned as if he was interrogating her.

           “Y-you-oh my God you’ve lost your goddamn mind. I’m going to protect me family if I have to. Frankly, I don’t care what you think or how it makes you feel.” And with that, Ella slammed the phone back on the receiver.

           Sofia whined and pouted at her mother, a bit unnerved by the shouting which was something she was unfamiliar with. The little girl had been raised in such a peaceful and loving environment. She knew nothing of her family’s magnetism for chaos.

           Ella forced a smile. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for being loud, chavi.” She murmured and kissed her daughter’s cheek. “Now let’s go talk to papa about how crazy Uncle Tommy is.”

//Next update is the epilogue!!

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Masterpost

PB Masterlist

[stuonsongs]

My Top 10 Favorite Songs of All Time - 2006 Edition

2021 Editor’s Note: I was looking through some old files and found this thing that I wrote sometime in the summer of 2006 at age 22. For all I know, it could’ve been 15 years to the day! Looking back, I’m not sure how many of these songs would still make my top 10. Don’t get me wrong, I still love all of these tunes, but I’m sure you know how it goes - You get older, you get exposed to more things, and your idea of good music expands. Anyway, I thought it might be nice to share with anyone who still uses this site. I present it in its original format without edits to my writing. I ended up writing full posts in this blog about some of these songs if you go through the archive. 

Stu’s Top 10 Favorite Songs…Ever

Let’s start with some honorable mentions. These were so close, and I thought about it for so long, but they had to be left off.

Honorable Mentions

All Summer Long – The Beach Boys

All Summer Long. 1964. Capitol

This song has been described so many times as being “the perfect summer song.” When you listen to it, you can’t help but smile from the opening marimba intro, all the way through. It just screams “summer” and it hurt me to leave The Beach Boys off my top 10.

Bleed American – Jimmy Eat World

Bleed American. 2001. Grand Royal

So full of energy, so rocking, and so what would’ve been the most recent song on my list. I wanted to keep it in the top 10 just so I could have a song from the ‘00s, but it wasn’t meant to be. When the chorus kicks in, I can’t help but headbang.

Marie – Randy Newman

Good Old Boys. 1974. Reprise

Randy has said that a lot of young composers pick “Marie” as their favorite Newman song, and I can see why. The idea of a guy having to be drunk to tell his wife that he loves her is pretty funny, and throughout the whole song it’s just the beautiful melody with tons of strings, all to a tune about a guy ripping on himself as he comes home drunk to his wife.

Does He Love You? – Rilo Kiley

More Adventurous. 2004. Brute/Beaute

I guess this is newer than Bleed American, so it would’ve worked too. This is another more recent song that it killed me to leave off the list. The outro is an arrangement of the main tune with a different chord progression performed by a string quartet. Very beautiful. Also when Jenny Lewis screams “Your husband will never leave you, he will never leave you for me,” I get chills every time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So here it is. After a long day’s work, I’m finally finished. It actually turned out much different than I was thinking when I first started. The number one wasn’t really even in my top five when I started, but I slowly realized I loved it so much. I also left Ben Folds (Five) off this list completely, and I don’t know, I just feel the whole catalogue of Ben is so solid, none of the songs stick out to me that much. But anyways, here it is! After the break of course…

Stu’s Top 10

10.

(Love Is Like A) Heat Wave – Martha and the Vandellas

Heat Wave. 1963. Motown.

This one beat out “Bleed American” just barely. The reason being that somehow, despite being nearly 40 years older than Bleed American, it still has so much energy that it kills. Dan Bukvich once told our Jazz Arranging class that you can boil all the oldies you hear on the radio down to three categories: 1) Great Song. 2) Great Performance. 3) Great Arrangement. This song is one of the great performances. The handclaps throughout, combined with the driving baritone sax behind everything and constant snare drum action will keep anybody with blood running through their veins dancing all night long.

9.

Bodhisattva – Steely Dan

Countdown to Ecstasy. 1973. MCA

This song is my Freebird. It’s just a basic blues progression song at its core with some minor changes at the end of the form. The real kicker that drives this song home is the three minute guitar solo in the middle that isn’t nearly as rocking as Freebird, but it is highly proficient and takes me to places that just make me want to play the song over and over again. I have no idea what this song is about, probably Buddhism, but hey, this once again proves that lyrics rarely matter and the music itself is the core.

8.

Zanzibar – Billy Joel

52nd Street. 1978. Columbia

This song reminds me of long car rides on vacations down the west coast with my parents growing up. They used to play a tape of 52nd Street, or at least their favorite selections, constantly on these trips. I didn’t hear this song again until early in my senior year in college and remembered why I loved it so much. The song has a heavy jazz influence, displayed in the breakdown where Jazz trumpeter Freddie Hubbard does a solo. The best part of this song though is at the end of the 4th line of each verse, Billy does this “Woah oh oh!” thing that just makes me want to sing every time. It was between this and “Miami 2017 (Lights Go Out On Broadway)” which is also a great song, but the “Woah oh oh!” is too much for ol’ Stu boy.

7.

Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) – Bruce Springsteen

The Wild, the Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle. 1973. Columbia

Early Bruce Springsteen records have something that very few other artists can ever pull off without sounding cheesy or forced. It has this undeniable sense of urgency, like the world will fall apart and life will crumble through your fingers if this one moment in time doesn’t work out the way Bruce describes it. There are so many early Springsteen songs that just set a scene of “We have to get out of this town right now girl before it kills us, no matter what any of our parents, friends, anybody has to say.” There’s a line that kinda sums it up: “Well hold on tight, stay up all night ‘cause Rosie I’m comin’ on strong. By the time we meet the morning light, I will hold you in my arms. I know a pretty little place in southern California down San Diego way. There’s a little café where they play guitars all night and all day. You can hear ‘em in the back room strummin’, so hold tight baby ‘cause don’t you know daddy’s comin’.”

6.

I’ve Got You Under My Skin – Frank Sinatra

Songs For Swingin’ Lovers! 1956. Capitol

This song falls into the category of great arrangement. This Cole Porter classic tune was arranged for Sinatra by Nelson Riddle. The story goes that he was still copying down parts for the players while riding in the cab to the recording studio on the day of recording. After the players ran through it once with Frank, they stood up and applauded. The Baritone sax takes control here, outlining a Db6/9 chord throughout the intro. Of course, Frank’s vocal delivery is spot on and goes up and down in all the right places for the biggest emotion impact. It’s amazing how a song with no real chorus can be so good.

5.

A Change Is Gonna Come – Sam Cooke

Ain’t That Good News. 1964. RCA Victor

This song was not even going to be on this list, but then I ran across it while scouring my collection of music and remembered how good it was. Then I listened to it and was blown away by the level of detail that went into this arrangement. Sam’s vocals soar above the mind blowingly beautiful arrangement. The lyrics to this one actually add to the tune itself, speaking of wrongdoings in the world around him, and how social change is on its way in the form of the civil rights movement. The song flows with such ease out of Cooke that one might forget the weightiness of the content, but the song’s content is just so heavy that it’s impossible to deny it.

4.

Whatever – Oasis

Whatever EP. 1994. Creation

This song was released as a Christmas present to the U.K. from the Gallagher brothers and company. It never appeared on any full album, only being released as a single, and amazingly, it blows away anything else they’ve ever done. Think “All You Need Is Love,” but with tons of rocking energy and a snide, nonchalant attitude. The chorus speaks, “I’m free to be whatever I, whatever I choose and I’ll sing the blues if I want. I’m free to be whatever I, whatever I like, if it’s wrong or right, it’s alright.” Not exactly poetry, and the song isn’t exactly breaking any new ground either, but the song is absolutely perfect in every way, and it was going to be my #1, but perhaps the only reason it’s not at number one is because I’ve played this song so many times that at the moment, these next three are beating it, but who knows how I’ll feel in a few months. This song also pulls the same “outro performed by a string quartet” thing as “Does He Love You?” but even better. It’s so simple, but I can’t get enough of it.

3.

Mr. Blue Sky – Electric Light Orchestra

Out of the Blue. 1977. Jet

This is obviously the best Beatles song that the Beatles never wrote. The staccato guitar during the verse combined with the strings present in just about every ELO song combine to make a force that is undeniably catchy and musically challenging at the same time. This is really what makes ELO so good. I didn’t discover this song till probably Nov. 2005, and it was one of the best days of my life. I didn’t want to include two songs by the same artist in my top 10, but if I did, I probably would’ve added “Turn To Stone” on this list too because it is almost as awesome as this one. It’s a shame that just like Billy Joel, most critics at the time hated ELO for being overly creative musically (they called it pretentiousness). These days we have acts that really are pretentious (see Radiohead), but everyone loves them, even critics. I’m not knocking all Radiohead, just most everything post OK Computer. Sorry, got a little sidetracked there.

2.

Only In Dreams – Weezer

Weezer. 1994. Geffen

This has been my favorite Weezer song since about a month into me picking up Weezer’s debut album back around early 2000. It has this ostinato (a repeated motif over and over again) in the bass throughout most of the whole song, never even really resolving to the Gb major chord (excluding chorus, which never really resolves) that it wants to until the end of a 3 minute contrapuntal guitar duet when everything dies out except the bass which just retards on its own until it finally plays the single Gb we’ve all been waiting for. The song on the whole up until the guitar duet is pretty tame, but once those contrapuntal guitar lines start intertwining, my ears perk up every time. I can sing both lines at separate times upon request and when the drums finally kick back in fully at the climax of the song, I let out a sigh of relief or bang on my car wheel in exultant joy, whichever is more of an option at the time.

1.

All Is Forgiven – Jellyfish

Spilt Milk. 1993. Charisma

I always loved this song from the first time I heard it, but I didn’t realize how much I loved it until maybe April 2006. I found out about Jellyfish first semester of college in the Fall of ’02 and heard this song, and knew it was great. The constant tom-tom driven drums, the fuzzy, almost white noise distorted guitar, and the half time bass throughout. It was great. Then in April I put it on my mp3 player for the walk to school, and then I listened to it for about two weeks straight. Seriously. It runs into the next song entitled “Russian Hill” which is almost as good, but because it’s a separate song, I couldn’t include it on the list, but in my mind, they always run together and are basically one long 9 minute song. The ending just gets more and more white noise filled until you can barely take it anymore and then it just cuts off completely into the slow acoustic intro for Russian Hill. It’s perfect in every way. I think this would fall into the category of great song. And the way the song builds up right to the middle of the song and then cuts out completely except for some very VERY faint xylophone noodling, and then busts back in with some feedback directly into guitar solo. Man I love this song.

[fearfulkittenwrites]

“I... I want a hug”

Word count: 2108

Notes: Hey! This work was beta'd by @3ambird​, who is not only a great beta, but a great writer too, so don't hesitated to check out their fics! Thank you for the help friend <3

Hope you all enjoy the fic!

Link for it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849104

Dick hugged his knees, shivering, so cold that his teeth were chattering with his shakes. He tried to steady his breathing to no avail, telling himself that he’s safe now, he was in the cave, there’s a heavy, fluffy towel around his body and he has no reason to be scared anymore, but he keeps exhaling short, fearful, shallow breaths. Dick groans in frustration, still not being able to fully regain a calm state.

Falling off of a bridge and into a river is never fun. Especially during winter. More so if you’ve been recently exposed to Scarecrow’s venom.

It’s even more annoying when your own mentor is the one pushing you off said bridge, but whatever.

Batman knew what he was doing back there.

It was all under control.

Sort of.

He sniffled and wrapped himself tighter in the towel. His shoulder feels like it might have been dislocated by the fall, but the adrenaline in his blood kept him from fully feeling the extensions of his injuries. And right now, he just felt so cold. So, so cold.

So cold.

So scared.

Like a child.

Like the nine year old who had just watched his parents fall to their deaths.

But he’s not nine anymore. He’s in his twenties and had just seen his parents fall to their deaths a second time, in a Scarecrow induced hallucination. And if that wasn’t enough, this time around Damian was the one cutting the ropes, laughing as they called for help, as their bodies hit the ground. Help Dick wasn’t able to give the first time around, and wasn’t able to provide in his hallucination either. Damian’s distorted laugh played over and over in his mind.

“What is it, Grayson? You’ve known that this is who I was all along.” It echoed in his mind “It is not my fault you have been so willingly blind!” He pointed and laughed, gums bleeding and eyes entirely black, corrupted, slicing his katana through body, after body, after body, after body.

Dick squeezes his eyes shut, vigorously shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of those thoughts. They gave him an awful feeling, and he isn’t sure if the metallic taste in his mouth is from something bleeding or from his disgust and... fear.

Dick had had to ask Damian to stay away for tonight. He hated doing it, hated that he’d had to ask the kid to stay away, but right now, he can’t look him in the eye, even though he knows that it wasn’t real, even though he’s sure that Damian is a good person, that Damian will never go back to his old ways, that Damian isn’t responsible for his parents’ death. But Dick’s mind was still far from rational, and it made looking at Damian awfully painful.

And the toxin was only in effect for five minutes. He wonders what he would have seen, what would have happened to him if Batman hadn’t...

Well. That doesn’t exactly paint him in a kind light, but if Batman hadn’t thrown him off that bridge and into the river, who knows what else Dick’s mind would have forced him through?

And for some stupid reason, Crane had decided to experiment with the formula so that his hallucinogens didn’t spike up the adrenaline in a person’s blood. In fact; this one tried it’s damndest to block all of it. So it’d left Dick in a sluggish, slow state, where his mind was filled with ugly visions and his heart barely beating. It was almost more incapacitating than the older ones. Nightwing couldn’t move properly, and therefore, couldn’t fight. B had thought that if he managed to get enough of an adrenaline spike in Dick’s blood, increase his heart rate enough, that the man would be able to fight the hallucinations off.

He was right, of course, but that doesn’t mean his method had been pleasant.

Scarecrow’s mistake had been bringing the fight to one of Gotham’s many bridges, because in the middle of the battle, Batman kicked Nightwing in the chest, sending him flying backwards off the bridge and into the water. The fall had done half of the work, and the second his body hit the cold water, he was sane again. It wasn’t comfortable. Nightwing wasn’t able to go back to the fight. But he wasn’t hallucinating anymore, so that’d been something.

Right now, Dick was struggling to see the bright side in this whole situation and is even wondering; why didn’t they kill, anyways? He’d kill Scarecrow if the bastard was standing in front of him right now.

He hears footsteps, and instinctively curls in on himself further. Any other day, Dick would have sat up straight, but right now his fear is too large and looming, too great to ignore. Black boots stopped in front of him. Bruce had the cowl off, hanging behind him, but he’s still in the suit, cape and all. He crouches down in front of Dick.

“Are you alright?” He asks, voice soft. Dick can’t look at him, so chooses to stare at the floor between his feet instead.

“G-Getti-ing the-there.” He stutters, teeth still chattering loudly.

Bruce gazes at him for a long second.

“I... brought you a change of clothes.” He says. Dick looks up slightly, at the man’s hands.

“I-I d-don’t wa-wanna ch-ch...” He sighs, annoyed by his stutter. “Ch-Change.”

“You have to.” Bruce tries to be gentle “Your suit is wet and your body temperature is dangerously low already.” Dick looks up at the man and just glares. ‘Just who’s fault is that, huh?’ He doesn’t say anything, knowing that the other man is right. He reaches out and takes the soft sweatpants and sweater.

“L-Look a-away, p-ple-please.”

Bruce turns around, and waits for Dick to change. The process takes a little longer than usual, considering that his fingers ache from the cold and his entire body is still shaking viciously, trying to warm itself up. When he turns around, Bruce hands him a dry towel, just as soft and fluffy as the previous one, moving slowly so as not to startle his son.

“Th-Thanks.” Dick wraps himself up in it again, looking up at the man. The fact that he still had to look up to talk to Bruce made him feel a little annoyed. Jason was taller than their father. This wasn’t fair, he was older after all. Dick rubs his shoulder under the towel, and the other’s eyes catch the movement.

“Let me see.” Bruce says, reaching for the towel. Dick winces. He should’ve known better than to show any discomfort in front of the Bat.

“I’m f-fine, th-” He tries to argue, but the other cuts him off.

“Let me see your shoulder, Dick.” His expression is unreadable, as hard as stone. Dick sighs and pushes the towel off of his shoulder, turning around.

Without a word and without a warning, Bruce grabs him by the arm and the back of the neck, forcing it back into its place. Dick screams, loud enough that it echoes through the cave, a string of curses in several languages falling out of his mouth soon after.

“Language.” Bruce says.

“You...” Dick’s stutter seemed to be mostly gone now, but he’s out of breath “You just fucking...” He sighs, rubbing his shoulder, cursing more in Farsi “That hurts. And you don’t speak half of the languages I just cursed in anyways.”

Bruce frowns.

“Any more injuries?”

“No.” Dick answers, hugging himself again.

“Are you su-”

“Yeah I’m fucking sure!” He shoots back angrily “And if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. Jesus. Even Damian is more delicate than you.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Bruce swallows “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just wanted to help.”

“You never mean to hurt me, but you do it all the same.” He answers, looking at the floor “A heads up would be cool sometimes, y’know? Let me brace myself and shit...” His voice trails off, getting lower and lower as he speaks.

An awful silence takes over the cave. The small space between them seems bigger than it really is, and smaller than they want it to be. Dick feels tears welling up in his eyes. He shuts them harshly.

“I’m sorry.” The man says again “I’ll... Try to warn you next time.” Dick nods, and Bruce clears his throat “About the bridge too. I should’ve warned you so you could at least try to fall a little better.”

“Or,” Dick starts “You could’ve used the adrenaline shots Tim carries in his belt.”

Bruce blinks.

“Tim... carries adrenaline shots?”

“Yes.” Dick smiles at the ground “Too many hearts stopped during that drug epidemic a few years back. Tim started carrying them after that, just in case.”

“Huh.” He smiles too “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. I figured.” Dick sounded more amused than mad. Bruce allowed himself to huff out a tiny laugh “But, um, thanks.” Dick says, shyly “It wasn’t the kindest method, but it worked. The hallucinations...” He shivered “Worse than ever.”

Bruce offers him a small nod.

“What was it?” He asks.

“Oh.” Dick looks down again “My parents at first. But... the truly awful part was...” He bites his lips harshly, trying to stop the flow of tears that would inevitably come “Damian.”

“Dying?” His voice is gentle as it can get; that’s not much, but he’s clearly putting in an effort.

“No.” Dick swallows “Killing.” He rubs away the tears “Telling me that... it was his nature. That I was too blind to see it, but that it didn’t change anything. That I... I didn’t change anything.” He sobs, placing a hand over his mouth, trying to stop the sounds “I just... I’ve failed so many people Bruce. I can’t... I can’t fail him too. Not him.”

“Dick, you didn’t fail anyone.” He says, putting his hand on Dick’s uninjured shoulder “Especially not Damian.”

The young man didn’t exactly feel like that, but he really didn’t feel like talking about this right now, especially considering the fragile state he’s in. He doesn’t want to say something he’ll regret later on, so Dick nods and tries to hold in his tears.

“My cape...” Bruce starts “My cape still has the heaters in it. If you want to wear it, it may warm you up faster.”

“I don’t... want the cape.” Dick murmurs “I... I want a hug. Please.”

Bruce wastes no time, putting his arms around Dick’s body and pulling him for a tight hug. He throws his cape around Dick all the same, heaters already activated. It feels heavy and warm around Dick’s body, and he buries his face in his father’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to, but he can’t hold back the tears anymore, so he cries silently against Batman's suit. Bruce has a strong hand on his back and a gentle one on his hair, allowing his son to sob for as long as he needs to.

Bruce is reminded of the old days, back when it was just the two of them, when Dick was happier and life was simpler. Robin would hide himself inside of Batman’s cape during cold nights, and when he fell asleep during a boring patrol, Bruce would wrap the boy up in it before bringing him home, where Alfred would tuck Dick in his bed as the Bat went out again.

Right now, Dick is no longer the small child he once was. He still wasn’t as big as Bruce; and he thanked God that his son was an acrobat, not a sturdy fighter like him. He liked the fact that he could still hug Dick with ease and hide him under his cape if he needed to cry. If he had even the smallest bit more muscle than what he had now, that would make the task much more difficult. Still, he was a man now, there was no denying that. But feeling him so cold against his touch, body shaking with every sob that escaped his son’s lips, the man knew that he would never be too old for Bruce to think of him as his boy.

Deep down, Bruce still saw him as that colorful child jumping around and kicking criminals as he swung from chandeliers, laughing, drawing out enough attention that Batman was nothing but a shadow next to him. And as he felt his boy’s colors weakening tonight, he wanted to do all he could to bring that light-hearted laughter back to his face again.

Bruce hugged him harder, and buried his face in Dick’s raven hair.

“I’m here, son. I’ve got you.”

[collecting-stories]

Ease My Mind - Connor Murphy

A/N: Angsty but happy? 

TW: Mentions of attempted suicide

Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind, when they pull me under and I can feel my sanity start to unwind, darling only you can ease my mind. - Ease My Mind, Ben Platt

\\\

The hospital room was filled with small touches of color, meant to be comforting. The glass rainbow mural that hung on the wall seven floors above the emergency waiting area reflected into his room in ICU, painting the floor in different colours. The vinyl couch that could be rearranged into a bed for a guest was a maroon color and the chairs that were pulled up beside his hospital bed were a navy blue. They empty but hours earlier his mom had been sitting in one.  

So far she was the only one to see him. Larry and Zoe both stayed outside the room, in the waiting area, and Cynthia said it was too hard for them to see him like this but he knew that wasn’t it at all. They were keeping him for observation.  

“Because you tried to kill yourself Connor, do you remember?”  

Of course he did. After the first night his mom sat on the couch while she assumed he was asleep and called everyone in her address book to tell them that Connor had ‘been in an accident’. Bible study, the ladies luncheon, book club, and bridge were all cancelled because of him.  

On the second day there she announced she was going home for a change of clothes. Larry had already left the night before to sleep in his own bed and Zoe had gone with him. His mom stayed so that she could whisper to the nurses about his psyche while she presumed he wasn’t paying attention. She left early in the morning, pressing a kiss to his forehead and asking him to “please just listen to the doctors okay sweetie”. Her change of clothes lasted all day. But 9am that Tuesday morning someone besides hospital staff came into his room.  

Your mom had gotten the call the previous night. You were playing video games with your younger brother when she came in the room to tell you that Connor was in the hospital. An accident, she said, though she confided that Cynthia had told her he tried to kill himself.  

“Your mom said it’d be alright to have visitors,” you said, walking further into the hospital room. “I brought twizzlers and I borrowed Sean’s Nintendo switch.”  

“Hey,” Connor sat up further in bed, a little caught off guard to see you there. He expected his mom, maybe Larry and Zoe eventually, Evan if he ever heard the news and could brave the trip into the city but not you.  

Your mom and Cynthia had been college roommates and best friends. For the entirety of your elementary school existence you had been best friends with Connor. You were at his house constantly, jumping on the trampoline Larry installed, trick or treating at Halloween, having pizza every Friday. When your family moved into the city after your mom got remarried that relationship changed. Soon you were only seeing him once a year at Cynthia’s annual New Years Day open house. Your mom relayed every bad story that was shared with her about Connor and his out of control personality.  

The time he tried to burn all his childhood photos or when he painted his entire bedroom black without his parents knowledge, that time he got into a fight with Larry so bad that his dad punched him, when he destroyed the trampoline. You heard about it all, and some of it you had witnessed. But it was difficult to see that boy, to know that Connor. Because you saw him only once a year and when you did he was sweet. He’d find you in the kitchen and suggest hiding in the basement while the party went on, playing video games and watching tv. He was nice to your little brother and always made an effort to behave on New Years.  

“I’m not gonna fuck shit up so much this year, I’m gonna be better.” Connor always swore.  

Once you had cellphones keeping in touch was a little easier but sometimes Connor got in his own head. One minute you’d be texting and the next you wouldn’t hear from him for days while he decided that everyone was better off without him.  

The thought had briefly crossed your mind that he might not want anyone to see him like this. Larry and Cynthia certainly didn’t want anyone to see him like this. But you had to go, you needed to know he was okay. Or at least that he was still breathing.  

“How’d you get here?”  

“The subway.” You shrugged, “my mom and your mom were supposed to go to lunch today and I figured while they were there I’d come here.”  

“You didn’t have to do that.”  

“I know,” you pulled one of the navy chairs over to the bed and sat down, laying your backpack on the ground. You’d packed it with stuff for Connor and skipped school to come see him. A little outside of your usual character. “I just wanted to see you. My mom told me what happened.”  

“What’d she say?”  

“I think something about your appendix burst.”  

“Yeah.” Connor nodded.  

“Well anyway I brought some stuff,” you said, looking away from him to rummage in your backpack. You felt like you were going to burst out crying if you just looked at him and you weren’t sure if he would be comfortable knowing that you knew what happened.  

Though Connor had made off-hand comments about feeling depressed or angry he never really talked about his emotions with you. He never talked about wanting to end things but you knew he did. Likewise though, you had never broached the subject before because you were never sure what to say. You doubted that Connor would appreciate you interrupting a game of Mario Kart on New Year’s day to talk to him about his feelings. So you just didn’t.  

“Scoot over.”  

“Scoot over? This is my hospital bed,” he pointed out even as you sat beside him on the bed.  

“Don’t start with me Murphy, I skipped school for you.” You teased, smiling at him as you settled the backpack in front of you to pull out the contents.  

-

“Do you remember that time when your hair was just passed your ears and you let me put tiny braids all over it with those little rubber bands that Sean had?” You asked.  

It had progressed into lunch  and you sat there with Connor, the tray table pulled up so he could eat the pancakes he ordered, and you were painting the nails of one hand black. The nail polish you’d bought specially for him though you didn’t say so.  

“Yeah, you took a picture even though I told you not to.” He replied. You were looking down at the hand in your lap but he was watching you.  

“I still have it.” You mentioned, glancing up at him and smiling, “I keep it in my day planner.”  

“I wish you’d trash it.”  

“I love that picture!” You brought his hand up to your face and blew on the polish, “this stuff is supposed to dry matte, it’s not so shiny.”  

Connor only shrugged.  

“Hey, Connor, my mom told me why you’re here, not the dumb appendix story.” You mentioned.  

You had been thinking about it all morning, since you woke up and decided that you were not going to school. You were going to mention it right away, rip the bandaid off the whole thing and dive in the deep end but you chickened out when you saw him.  

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Could I just...we don’t have to but could I just say something before we don’t?”  

“Whatever.” He leaned back against the bed and looked away from you, toward the window and the rainbow reflecting in it. Of all the rooms.  

“I didn’t wanna...I like how easy things are between us and I don’t want to jeopardize that and I don’t want you to feel bad but when my mom told me what happened I was so scared. I just thought, what if something happened and I didn’t get the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. I love you Connor, you are my favorite part of the entire year and I wish we hung out more and every year I swear to myself that we will and I never follow through with it. I always let it slide and I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want you to feel alone and I know I can’t take that from you but I just...when you aren’t sure, I want you to know that I’m here and that you’re always on my mind.” You confided.  

Connor turned his head back toward you, staring openly at the way your skin looked with fresh tears tracked down your cheeks and even fresher ones threatening to fall from your eyes. You had cried when your mom told you that he had tried to commit suicide and you had cried on the way over here and you had cried riding the elevator up to his floor. But you had been trying your hardest not to cry in front of him. He frowned and reached up to brush some of the tears away.  

“Don’t cry.” He pleaded, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, this is not okay. We’re supposed to be playing video games in your basement on New Year’s day or facetiming while I do homework or sending each other stupid pictures on snapchat. Not this, not sitting here.”  

“I know,” Connor pulled you into his arms, ignoring the nail polish still drying on his hands. He held you against him, his forehead resting against yours, “I know.”

“I love you.”

-

I decided to write this because Dear Evan Hansen is very personal to me. When I was about twelve a family friend killed himself. He was seventeen and he was just the coolest person in my life. I thought he was wonderful. He had a lot of anger issues and mental health problems and not a lot of help dealing with any of it. But he was always so nice to me and always made me feel so important and I kind of wanted to capture that feeling in this writing. There are a lot of things that I wish I could’ve said to him and this is my way of dealing with that. So, hope you like it?