#Hes such a DILF iykyk

[xplore-the-unknwn]

Walton Goggins explaining this shot of him as The Ghoul in a Diamond mine-

“It looks like I’m trying to look cool and all but Im not.” 🤣 you sir are a national treasure. His humor and down-to-earth charisma just does it for me.

He is perfectly casted as the Ghoul aka Cooper Howard!!

[dilf-docs]

The Rock N' Roll Got Harder and Softer

eddie brock x younger fem!reader

summary: common sense isn't really your strongest suit. so here you are, riding a stranger's bike on halloween night. hey, he saved you! with one hell of a costume, no doubt. because it has to be one, right?

warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap (do we see the blog name? get used to it), smut, flirty reader! she's got no shame just game ++ also overshares (sorry if this trait is mischaracterizing you, everything will be okay❤️) praise kink, oral f. receiving (have u seen that tongue? ik its abt eddie but venom's tongue plays a part there... he defo going in my hear me out cake), does this count as sub!eddie idk?? the man is touch starved, p. in v. (use protection okay!! don't be like these dumb horny bitches), reader gets harrassed but the lethal protector saves the day!!

word count: 5,008 words

side note: i was re watching venom 1 and watching venom 2 since my friends want to see the third, so i got the tom hardy and his plump princess lips have to be mine virus!! like i wish i was kidding but after watching the movies and the top 100 dilf poll on twitter i felt in the need to use my hands (iykyk) ++ after finding out i have a pattern for lonely fucked up dilfs (first with old man logan now eddie). also, irdgaf halloween just passed; let's pretend ur calendar got stuck on the 31st as u read this. also, this can happen after venom (2018) but the time isn't really important!

This is stupid.

It's a cold october night, the wind blowing in your face, and you're navigating this part of the neighborhood you don't know in nothing but a skimpy red bathing suit, like it's a hot summer day.

Dressing up as Pamela Anderson in Baywatch sounded much better a couple months ago; not now, when all the people passing by ogle your body up and down, whether it be with lust or judgment.

Your night has gone to shit: you feel cold, hungry, tipsy and vulnerable. One thing is wanting to be objectified by the possible candidates you would take home from the party, and other is being eyed by strangers who look at your body like hungry wolves.

You finally spot a mini-market amid the packed street, blue hues of light providing some sense of relief.

After getting something to drink and eat, you'll probably feel better and have the energy to walk home; there's no way you and your very small costume are getting inside an uber at ten o'clock tonight.

The bell chimes in as you enter the store, but the lady behind the counter doesn't even glance your way, focused on the TV behind her.

"Hi" she waves her hand absentmindedly, "Do you have any water?"

She mutters something that sounds like an annoyed of course we do, and points to the freezer in the back, still without looking.

"Alright, thanks" you say, walking to the freezer section and grabbing a bottle you chug until it's almost empty. You're still hungry, but at least your throat doesn't feel like you've eaten sand anymore.

With the bottle in your hand, you take the time to scour around the store, looking for something to eat. You finally decide on some chocolates; heck, it's halloween. Going home and stuffing your face with a bunch of candy for what's left of the night does sound nice.

You finally spot the chocolates on a display, moving towards it. As you're about to grab a bunch and go, another hand interrupts you.

"Oh!" you exclaim out loud, stepping back.

Maybe you're haven't gone trick or treating in years, but you will treat yourself tonight. And not with the chocolates. There's a God out there, definitely, who has blessed you not only with great curves but also with the chance of showing them off in the precise moment.

"Sorry!" your voice chirps a bit too excited for your liking. Control yourself. You clear your throat, suspecting the burn in your cheeks gives you away.

You're supposed to be confident! Flirty and charming! You're young and pretty! But how can you not be nervous when the stranger looks like that?

The eye candy who sports tattoos and a bad boy aroma that makes you drool; the jacket and beat up look just adds the perfect layer to the whole vibe. You're known to have a preference for men who look like he does. Something about the dangerous makes your heart race and skin prickle. Then your eyes travel to the motorcycle helmet in his right hand. Yummy.

The heat in your cheeks returns.

You don't even know his name, yet you've oggled him up and down without shame. It's probably all the pent up energy you had saved for the party. You figure it has to be invested somewhere else. Maybe with him.

Him, who's way older than the other guys you've been with. But that just just makes it even better.

"It's okay" he speaks up, and his voice is not only what you imagined it to be. The rich grave undertone is making your panties wet just with the sound. "You go first"

He points to the stand full of said treats. You motion forward, not without putting some extra sway and effort in your walk. By the reflection of the mirror in the corner, you know you've at least got his attention.

"Done" you say, leaving some space for him to pass. "Would the gentleman give me the honor of knowing his name?"

"I'm Eddie" he extends his hand, "Eddie Brock".

You shouldn't be this excited to shake a hand but when his large palm engulfs yours, you find it hard to let go.

With the closeness, you take another look at his face, getting lost in his warm eyes and the eyebags that adorn them. It's unfair how good they suit him; unlike you after a wild night out.

"Nice to meet you. Very nice, indeed" you purr.

You also make sure to bat your eyelashes in a way your friends tease you but has proven to be effective every time.

It seems to have done its magic, because he also takes a look at you.

But it's different.

You can sense something else is happening when his eyebrows furrow first, then face contorting into a disgusted expression as Venom says: I want to eat her, Eddie. I bet she tastes as sweet as she sounds! It's too tempting!

"Shut up" he mumbles (but loud enough for you to hear), then mutters something like We're just supossed to eat the bad guys! but you're confused and hurt, so you don't really pay attention; your ego really taking a blow tonight.

"I beg your pardon?"

Eddie curses under his breath, "that wasn't for you".

"Right" you chuckle dryly, looking around at the empty store. "Don't see who else that could be for"

"I'm sorry, it's hard to explain" he rushes the apology, looking rather embarrassed. "Now, if you excuse me".

And walks past you like it's nothing. Maybe that weird spark you felt was just on you; the interest isn't mutual.

"Hi Mrs. Chen" you hear him salute the lady behind the counter. Sighing, you grab your chocolates and head to cash out, adding another deception to your already bad night.

The bell chimes again when you make your way to the line, behind Eddie, but this time, you don't bother to look.

"Well, hello" the voice behind you says. It takes you a few seconds to realize they're talking to you.

"Hi" you mutter a bit annoyed, looking at the front. The silence is dense, the beep of each of Eddie's (million) of chocolates being the only silence filling the store.

"Won't even spare a glance, doll?" they continue, despite your clear apathy. "C'mon, lemme see if that face is as pretty as your ass"

Blood rushes to your face, and you're so embarrassed your body stiffs, fully aware the other two people in the store have noticed. You hug your body, because there isn't really anything you can cover yourself with right now, not daring to look back.

Well, fuck me.

If you thought leaving the party was going to solve your problems, it's only proven to cause more.

Eddie finishes, leading to your turn. You give a strained smile to Mrs. Chen, and she just gives you a look of pity.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" they start to get irritated, and you just pray they don't follow you outside once you're done. "Are you deaf, Pamela?" he mocks, making your blood boil and skin sweat.

Mrs. Chen is done, but the stranger isn't taking your silence as an answer. Before you can leave, they grab your hand.

"Already leaving? You haven't even given me your name yet"

It's such a silly thought to have right now, but you realize you hadn't given Eddie your name either.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but she's clearly not interested, buddy" a voice speaks out, and you know it. It's probably the panic but you hadn't realize Eddie's still here. You hold his gaze for a few seconds, and even thought you hate having to depend on a man to be left alone, you need his help; so you plead, boring into his warm chocolate eyes.

"In case you haven't noticed, this is a two people conversation" the stranger snarls.

"Looks more like a one sided conversation to me" he bites back, making the stranger mad. That's the last thing you need. You just want to go home and curl under your warm and soft blankets; you've even lost your appetite.

"It's none of your business. Are you not understanding?"

"Oh, but that's the problem. You're the one that isn't understanding" what appears to be black surrounds his before bare neck, and you feel like you haven't completely sobered up, your mind playing games with you. The black engulfs his whole body, making him taller and more intimidating.

"It is" he threats on a distorted voice. Now, where Eddie's face used to be, another one replaces him: with white instead of two eyes and a big mouth with teeth and a really long tongue.

You hadn't even drink that much. No way this is real.

The stranger gulps, petrified. Oh, so they see it too; it's not you.

"Sorry, idiot. The lifeguard shift is over" and before the stranger replies, his head dissapear inside the mouth, chopping it off.

"Fuck!" you curse out loud, the body falling limp at your side.

A shiver runs through your back. This is a nightmare.

"Well, now that makes us two who know your secret now" Mrs. Chen adds in a rather monotone voice, and you wonder if people have gone insane―you included.

You can't even speak. Less when the black starts dissappearing, and it's Eddie's face and body again.

"Hey, sorry about that" you don't know who Eddie is talking to when saying that. "You okay?"

Okay? Sure, that you are. Fine? Not really.

"It's alright if you're scared" he reaches out to you but you flinch. He looks used to it, apparently, "I know this is weird".

You chuckle, bemused. "Weird? Not even in my wildest acid trip, I could've imagine that"

"It's easy to explain, but hard to understand" he begins, but trails off. "Would you, uh, let me?"

Well, he had saved you. If he wanted to eat you and have you go the same fate your harasser did, he would've done it by now.

Besides, common sense isn't really your strongest suit. Never was. You've had so many problems stem from it, including tonight's events, that you could probably write a column or do a podcast of it.

"Sure" you agree, "as long as you don't eat me".

You regret the (attempt at a) joke as soon as it leaves your mouth, but that is gone when you hear him laugh. A little pride fills your chest, especially at the velvet-like sound.

"I won't" he raises his palms in a playful manner, "but he wants to".

Not anymore, you don't eat the people you save!

"He?" you quirk an eyebrow, "you better rush that explanation, yeah?"

"Sure" he chuckles, "uh?"

"Y/n" you answer, and the honeyed tone is back. God, you need to get a grip. This guy could snap you in, "but just for tonight, Casey Jean Parker. So you better put some good use to it before she leaves, cowboy"

"Will take it into account, blonde" he laughs at your hair.

You hate it because it reminds you of Anne, pussy.

"Hey, it's a good wig!" you playfully slap his shoulder. "You wish you had hair like this".

You flip it, to which he just laughs. Then he bids goodbye to Mrs. Chen and you both head outside, where the wind hits your body cruelly.

A curse leaves your mouth, "Shit"

Eddie notices. Before you can react, he's putting his jacket over your shoulders.

"You got the seasons messed up, baby" he jokes, the pet name rolling off his tongue a bit too easily, "don't even think about taking it off; don't want you to catch a cold".

There's a beat of silence before he asks:

"So, about the costume..."

"I know" you properly put his jacket on. It smells like him: pine, gasoline, sweat and a bit of chocolate. "It sounded better when I came up with it in August"

"No!" he corrects hastily, then coughs "I like it".

Light pink creeps up his cheeks.

"Good to know I still got the charm" you joke, winking.

"Was this" he points with his ringed fingers up and down, "for a contest?"

"No, a party. Jesus, how old do you think I am?" you chastise in a mocking tone. "It's what pretty college girls do, Eddie: party".

Venom likes parties! I like her, Eddie!

"And if that's what you do, pretty girl" two can play the game it seems, "what exactly are you doing out of the water, Ms. Parker?"

You scoff, shocked. "You're supposed to give me your answer first".

Fortunately for Brock, you have a bad habit to overshare; it gets worse, especially with men. God knows you don't know such thing as boundaries.

You lay against the concrete wall, exhaling. Your worries condense in front of you as Eddie waits attentively, examining the way your face falls.

"I was supposed to go to a party today, hence the costume" you motion to your body, "but things went wrong".

"So you went?"

"And left" you add, "which wasn't part of the plan".

He lays next to you, crossing his arms. You try not to get distracted with the closeness.

"Why did you?"

"Leave? Because... well, things happened".

Your skin prickles uncomfortably, like it did back at the house you ran away from―the whole reason you're here, next to Eddie.

"That thing being...?" Brock presses, then realizing you probably don't want to tell, so he shuts up.

"Don't worry" it's like you guess his thoughts, "It's just... sort of embarrassing".

You breathe in some air.

"He wasn't supossed to be there. My ex" you clarify, "yet he went. And guess what? With his new girlfriend! And alright, I'm not a girl who holds grudges, but it hasn't even been two months since we broke up and now he's matching costumes with her?"

Saying it out loud sounds a tad bit childish, but Eddie doesn't seem to be judging, and your pride continues to be bruised, so you carry on with your little rant.

"So I drank a little too much and went up to them. I don't know what took over me, but one second I was dancing and then Pamela Anderson in Baywatch was grabbing Pamela Anderson as Tommy Lee's wife by her hair. Real blonde hair, on top of that... that bitch. I decided to be Pamela Anderson first! Which, by the way, would never do that. She truly is a girl's girl" pause, "by that I mean parading around with the guy I ended things with because of you"

We should eat them.

Instead of what Venom said, Eddie asks:

"Your boyfriend cheated on you?"

"Yeah" embarrassment washes over you, "The owner of the house is friend's with her. So, I decided it was for the best to leave. My not so bright idea that followed was to walk to the nearest store for some junk and head home. And now I ended on this side of town I don't know. Lucky me"

Lucky us that found you.

"Wow" Eddie manages to muster after all your information dump and Venom's little comment, "they're idiots. I'm sorry".

"Thanks, but my night is still ruined" you take a look at your legs, "now I have to walk home, and I suspect, bare―without your jacket".

He doesn't know what takes over him when he says, or maybe it's Venom giving him the boost of courage he needs.

"Need'a ride?" your face morphs into surprise. He adds, "Keep my jacket. That way you can give it back when we're there"

Your eyes trail to the bike parked on the side, which you guess belongs to him. This is hard because the decision is so easy.

Hey, sometimes you gotta do it for the plot!

"We both win" is his way of insisting. "No more stares, and my jacket gets express delivered to me".

You don't need that much insisting, almost instantly caving in, walking over the bike and hoping behind him―like you know he'd never hurt you; full on trusting him.

"I don't have a spare one. Use mine" he apologizes, handing you the helmet he carried before.

"Thanks" you accept, "at this point I'll have to pay you. Do you accept my chocolates? It's all I got with me"

"We'll discuss those arrangements later" his deep voice comments, and well, you might just give him anything he wants!

Before you can regret your life choices, the engine roars, Eddie making his way through the street, all your surroundings reduced to a blur.

"Woah!" you shout, but it gets lost in the wind and speed. Luckily for you, the wig is secured inside the helmet. At this speed, there would be a blonde mop on the street somewhere.

"Liking it?" he asks over the noise. You only can happily humm in response.

Honestly, you've never felt this... free before. It's liberating: your hair dancing in the wind, the crisp trepidation in your fingers, the way you dare yourself to let loose and let the experience consume you. It's the first time you truly feel alive.

All you can think now is on the adrenaline coursing through your system. That and the way you're holding onto Eddie's thick back, your arms caging his form. You can feel his heartbeat too, as steady as yours. You can't help but wonder if it's because of the ride or the passenger he's carrying in the back.

You keep giving him directions whenever he looks back, keeping it like that until you both arrive at your apartment complex.

Once the bike is parked, he whistles. "Nice. Much better than mine"

You give his helmet back, taking the wig off in the process too.

"I'll have to see it to believe it" you tease, and if he heard, Eddie pretends not to.

There's some silence until you understand it's over: the original "stuffing and watching horror movies until I sleep" isn't sounding as good as extending your time with Eddie. For some reason, you can't seem to let go yet, and accept that tonight was a rare occasion that will only be once.

"Well, I guess this is it" you hate the way the obvious disappointment drips in your tone, "thank you, Eddie. Goodnight"

You hop off and take the jacket out of your body. If your skin gets goosebumps, you'll blame the cold.

Guess Pamela Anderson didn't work her magic tonight.

"Wait!"

Or maybe she did.

"Yes?" you turn around, smiling a bit too much.

Eddie doesn't look at you when he says, "we didn't discuss the payment"

Your red lips purse into a smile.

"We can discuss the details inside" and point out your apartment on the third floor, "for the cold, obviously. It's warm up there, you know; I've been told they like my heat"

You finally recognize the feeling from before, at the store. It's mutual. The tension; it still lingers.

"Sure" he says sounding all but that, "show me the way".

Your voice drops as you say, "Follow me, then"

And you lead the way: wet spot in between your legs, growing as your excitement. As you open the door, Eddie can't help but think the inside is so you: sweet and girly―like a strawberry bubblegum.

"Like what you see?" you joke, sitting in the couch. It has double meaning, obviously, but Eddie is so oblivious he just answers:

"It's so... you" mentally slapping himself when he says it, "I mean... you know, pink"

Idiot! She's talking about herself.

You giggle, "And?"

Patting the empty spot next to you, Brock walks over, like in a trance. You can see him gulp―nervous, the adam's apple on his throat bobbing.

Coward! Say something.

"Pretty..." he breathes out.

His hand finds its way to your bare thigh, and the touch is so electric, it takes you a lot not to jump at the contact.

Now kiss her!

"Don't be scared, Eddie" your voice is so low he swears he's dreaming. "I don't bite" there's a pause before you add, "unless you want me to".

Do it!

He would be lying if he said Venom is the reason why he leans forward, wrapping his lips around yours. Why he suddenly feels hungry, starving, eating your mouth out like he hasn't had a meal in days is beyond him.

"That's right" you moan between kisses, "cash your pay out, cowboy".

His hands tug on your hair as he deepens the kiss, a few groans echoing around the apartment.

"I like it" he twirls a strand in between your fingers, "suits you better".

There's a hearty laug emitting from your chest, "you do? Show me then"

It's like something snapped inside of him.

His hand moves to hug you from behind, right at the bare spot the swim suit had.

"You smell so sweet" Eddie's inhaling the vainilla scent off your soft skin, and Venom growls in pleasure, "like a pastry".

You have to laugh again, because this man is clearly touched starved.

Now he's rubbing his nose along the length of your neck, leaving some wet kisses that have you swearing his tongue isn't human. He mumbles incoherences like he's drunk, begging he wants to shove his mouth where it belongs: that being between your legs, to taste what he’s been craving for so long.

"Well, if you want it so bad" you make a play at his earlier words, "eat it".

So with trembling hands, he's pushing the little piece of bathing suit until your clit is exposed. His other hand grips your hip, and it doesn't take that long for him to fall onto his knees, the pink fluffly carpet on the floor providing some ground.

He beggins to toy with it, leaving you to collect a gasp. Alright! He has experience. Not that you ever doubted it, but now that he's here, his fingers inside of you, you can't help but feel the luckiest girl in the world.

"Thought the sweet you wanted was some chocolates" you manage to joke between moans, his thick fingers too busy lubing the needy area.

He gets another moan out of you, "this is better" grabbing a finger out, he licks a bit of your essence left on his fingers, "tastes much better. Look at you, so wet already; good girl"

Now he's doing tight little circles, his thick fingers speeding up the pace―quicker and quicker, until you're writhing in his grip. Your red nail dig into his forearm leaving little crescents. The haze may be too much that you don't know if the way they instantly heal is something you imagined or not.

"P-please, Eddie" you mewl.

Let me try, Eddie.

Without explaining, his tongue begins licking your inner thighs where your liquids dripped. It sends a shiver down your spine, and God, how thankful you are about leaving the party. The consequences of your petty fight and disastrous little adventure didn't end up being so bad.

"Sweet" he exclaims in that distorted voice back from the store. Your eyes go wide, so he rushes an "I'll explain later".

He doesn't give you much time to dwell on it before his tongue finds its way to your core again: the muscle licking the wet folds of your sensitive clit before diving fully. You swear his tongue has gotten longer with the way he explores your warm insides, quickly finding the spot no one but yourself has correctly pleased before.

Soft sobs fall from your lips. "Yes, More! P-please!"

His tongue continues its ministrations, almost lazily against it. Your body tenses up, reacting to him so well, and the familiar warmth pools in your abdomen.

He keeps licking until you’re twitching in over-sensitivity. A groan escapes his drooling lips, "I'm still a gentleman, you know?" the vibration his voice makes in between your legs sends a delicious wave that does nothing but ignite the fire pooling in the low of your stomach. "Ladies first"

You deliciously cum on his awaiting tongue. Even in your haze, you find his eyes, and the previous warm brown looks closer to hungry now, his pupils blown wide.

"Go ahead" you encourage, "be a good boy for me and taste it".

His fingers lick your remains off of them, his tongue making an obscene display.

"Will you let me pay you, now?"

He doesn't even need to wait, his hand eagerly taking his cock out of his pants―taking the sweat pants out in record time, sliding his girth between your legs, rubbing it against your folds that give him a warm welcome, coating it in your wetness.

Eddie slides inside you with ease, his hands resting on your waist as he slams his entire length inside you. The couch creaks, the only other sound in the apartment your hiss, because of the initial stretch. He gives you time to adjust and then he starts moving. 

"Y/n, God. You pretty sweet thing" his hot breathe mumbles against your ear.

Never in your life you would've thought you'd gone home with a complete stranger, but by the way Eddie Brock is deep inside you right now, you may do it more often. Or even better, bring him back. Maybe meet his apartment next time.

Eddie thinks he's gone insane. He's never had sex like this before. Not even on his wildest dreams. Hell, doesn't know if it's the lack of activity before you, your filthy mouth dripping with moans or the way you perfectly wrap around him, or maybe his newfound stamina he could finally put to use, thanks to Venom. Maybe it's all that, but who cares? God, he's loving every second of it.

Eddie uses his hands to grab your ass, holding onto the soft flesh so firm, you'll have bruises tomorrow for sure. He starts pumping you fast and deep like an animal. You muffle your screams against the crook of his neck, fully aware that doesn't stop the paper thin walls from telling your neighbours the good time you're having.

You feel your moves start to get unsteady, your orgasm closer and closer. "I'm c-close" you blurt out and he growls instead of talking. The way your body jolts with each of his poundings is insane. Your friend will never let this go if you tell them. But it just feels so fucking good.

"Fuck!"

Your whole body shakes when the wave of pleasure heats you. His hand is suprinsingly soft, caressing your cheek as you rest your forehead against his to catch your breathe.

"That's the best sex I've ever had" he confesses, his voice sounding drunk. Every drop of alcohol in your system has completely vanished by now, but you feel dizzy too, the overstimulation driving your senses to it's limits.

But it doesn't make you stop.

"How can you rate something that hasn't finished?" you move your body so Eddie stays against the coach. When he realizes what you're trying to do, he half-supresses a moan. "If you want to give your opinion, you better finish the whole plate".

So now you're on top of him, riding his cock like nothing; you must also have a symbiote inside of you, because Eddie can't explain your infinite stamina. So young, so pretty and so goddamn tight; he really won tonight, huh?

The change of position makes his cock slightly change the angle, hitting your g-spot. "Oh my god, right here!" you gasp. Your pussy clenches while you keep bouncing on his dick. If it weren't for the bathing suit, your tits would be bouncing. That doesn't mean he doesn't imagine them, your nipples perking through the fabric making it all too easy.

"You're so perfect" he whispers against your shoulder, "you sweet little thing".

If he keeps calling you like that, you might ask him to stay the night.

You feel like it, so, as a reward, you press your lips against his and he moans at your cunt clenching. He knows you are close again.

"Cum for me, y/n" he demands in his deep voice. Your name in his lips is such an addictive sound, you're sure you've reached heaven.

"Cum with me, Eddie" you manage to say.

So now he sits a little straighter on your poor couch (that's seen and taken only so much) so he can wrap his other arm around your waist. You take him deeper every time, even if now the position makes it a bit uncomfortable, but every shiver of pleasure you get is worth it.

"At least look at me when you do it" his brown orbs bore into yours. You can't hold back any longer, your hips rolling to increase the friction.

Your second orgasm washes over you: toes curling and body shaking. You've never felt more tired and energetic in your life. So you fall in Eddie's strong tattoed arms. He joins you, painting your tight walls with his thick and white shots of cum.

You are both out of breathe but Eddie takes his time and kisses you deeply.

"I think this life guard is out of duty for now" you mumble sleepily against his arms, tracing lazily his tattoos. He chuckles, moving one of his hands to brush strands of your damp hair from your forehead.

"What about the chocolates?" he jokes.

"Fuck them" you yawn, "stay here". He might've heard it wrong.

Stupid Eddie and stupid little human brain. She wants us here!

After some minutes of silence your sleepy voice mumbles, "You didn't explain me anything, cheater. If you want to stay, talk".

He feels you rest your head on his shoulder, sleep taking control of your form. You look so cute, he starts to forget how shitty his life actually is.

Hey! I can hear your thoughts, idiot. Your life isn't shitty anymore, I'm here!

"How about a bed time story? I promise I won't leave any detail out"

You cuddle closer to his warm body, "Promise?"

He intertwines his pinky finger with yours, promising himself this won't be the last time he sees you.

"Promise"

[dc-comics-enjoyer]

Okay I think there's no way Bruce manages his own social media. He's Bruce Wayne™ so I think he most probably has a whole team of community managers. Now, the thing is Bruce lets them do their work freely. So, he finds himself in situations where he's genuinely clueless for once in his life.

---

Damian, reading his father's tweet out loud : "Happy birthday to my son, my sunshine, the best of them all : Tim Drake.", What. Do. You. Mean. "best of them all", Father ?!

Bruce : huh ?

---

Clark : You know, the fact that you identify as a... *reads his screen* Uhm, dilf - whatever that means - doesn't change anything for me.

Bruce : huh ?

Clark shows him the tweet that goes "Be kind, fam, I'm coming out : I'm officially a DILF"

(editor's note : i know Clark probably knows what a dilf is but I think it's hilarious to portray those two as clueless old men.)

---

Journalist : Mister Wayne ! After the recent fire at the Anti-abortion rally, you've tweeted, and I quote : "Lit 🔥". What does it mean ?

Bruce, a gen X : Well... I think I just wanted to describe the... Uh, fire. It did lit up the place, didn't it ?

---

Jason, on his phone : What ?!

Bruce : What is it ?

Jason : You're DMing fucking Kim Kardashian ??

Bruce : huh ?

Jason : She tweeted "just signed the divorce papers and Bruce Wayne already slid in my DMs. I don't make the rules 🤷‍♀️"

---

At a talk show.

Host : So, Bruce, you've recently created controversy by posting this.

Appears a tweet on the screen that reads : "Eat the rich ? More like eat out the rich, plz 😔👉👈"

Host : What do you think ?

Bruce, clears his throat : You see... What even is the internet ? Hah.

---

Oliver, on the phone : Bruce ! Why the hell did you come at me like that ?

Bruce : huh ?

Oliver, lounging on his bed : "Just saw Ollie try to flirt at this party I'm in rn. Big yikes." Tweeted 10 minutes ago. What party, you asshole ?!

Bruce : ...

---

Clark : What does... yiyik (?) mean ?

Bruce : huh ?

Clark : You tweeted "Superman's clavicles. Iykyk"

Bruce : *shrugs* I have no idea.

---

Tim : Uh, hey, Bruce...

Bruce : Yes ?

Tim : Say, why would you agree to a boxing match against Logan Paul ?

Bruce : huh, who ?

---

Steph : Why would you want to have beef with Rihanna ?

Bruce: huh ?

Steph, shows him his tweet that reads "Tested Fenty's new line... Let me tell you, I'd rather put garbage on my face. And I fuckin' love my face."

[ctheathy]

The Claim of an Operational Sin

Claude Frollo x Reader

Suggestive Oneshot

Is this damn priest dilf energy or nah

Author's note: Have you ever disliked a villain so much you wanted to hate breed them and make them your bitch? Read this, cuz you can :)

You're one of the few ladies the tyrannical man has taken interest in. Something he'd refer to as being bewitched by those who are innocent. Intrigue driven by his own lustful desires similar to his captivation by the beautiful dancer, Esmeralda. But unlike her, you were certainly not as lucky preventing your imprisonment and attempting to escape the minister's grasp.

Frollo/Reader [Romantic Tendencies(???)]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

!Female Reader! • Seductive/“Succubus” reader • Imprisoned reader • We're basically gonna be assaulting him WOOHOO • Threats • Reader is unfearful of death • Arousal • Teasing, but it's bordering on degradation • Desperation • Drooling/Salivating • Kissing • ...Leaking...iykyk • He's an old man who's never satisfied his primal desires, what did you expect • This entire fic and concept in general is TW worthy tbh-

I REGRET NOTHING ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“...You are a bloody!” Frollo spoke sharply. Taking a deep breath as he looked at you with a bitter gaze. His eyes were cold now, a sour expression on his face. His eyebrows were raised, as if he was trying to control his anger. He was currently in front of you in one of the many dungeon cells underneath the Notre Dame. “... How long do you think you're going to be alive? If you keep acting like this.” He said, sounding almost like he was threatening you.

And despite his subtle warnings, you kept your time in the cell undisturbed, paying no mind to his little hissy fit. To the point it looked like you were straight up ignoring him, which only fueled his already angered state. Demanding you to not even think of not listening to him whenever he spoke. But in all honesty, his constant irritation was just getting you more entertained by the man. It was like watching a child throw a tantrum. Well. You were more than ready to show him that he picked the wrong lady. That your abduction was an easily regrettable decision for him. He was stuck here with you, not the other way around.

Grinning with anticipation, you leaned against the wall with a careless posture. You couldn't care less about what series of threats he had to offer. “Mhmm? Won't that something you should be worrying about as well? Lusting after women and harassing them for centuries can cause for quite the revolution, if I may” you were sneering with sarcasm. “The most recent victim has certainly been influential. Miss Esmeralda, was it? It’s difficult to control yourself, isn’t it~?” you mocked

“... Silence yourself!” He yelled in a half-angry, half-desperately demanding tone, something that noticeably made you laugh out loud. Frollo felt a hit of shame and embarrassment by the fact that you've taken note of him lusting after her. It was a sin ...he wasn't supposed to feel this way. And it was that gypsy who has bewitched him! Tainting his purity with her alluring words and movements. At least, in the minister's head it was, blaming a fairly innocent soul for his own shameful and unholy impulses.

“Many peasants have faced the consequences of the witches’ actions through either custody or death. So choose your words carefully.” trying to warn you and keep you in line, but your reaction would be ...unexpected. “So what? Everybody will die one day.” You glanced back up to the priest and cocked your head to the side. “Perhaps nature shall take its course in the next future for me too. Who knows? Which would be beyond fine with me” you murmured with yet another chuckle, raising an eyebrow. “But atleast now you still have somebody to turn to, wouldn't you say?” He noticed you sending him a wink of mockery, but was too baffled by your sudden statement.

The eyes of the minister widened, as he heard you say that. “You... You don't value your people's freedom. You... You don't care about your own existence." He gritted his teeth. You could practically see his temper exploding. He never understood how somebody could be so unflappable towards the idea of their own very demise. He felt like he had no control over you, which infuriated him greatly. Though you remained in a calm posture, a look of disinterest in your eyes as he felt the need to mention it. “Look," you began with a bit of attitude, unconcerned about how far you might be pushing him over the edge with your next few words.

“Don't treat your lustful motives as superior over what I lack. Eventually, natural selection shall take its course for all of us anyway. And I'll greet it with open arms as soon as the time comes” you half assed with a small smirk. But Frollo? He did not like that one bit, seething with rage as he snapped

“You don't care if nature takes its course, huh!? Well, I will be the one to take its course, if you will not! I am going to give it my best to make you suffer. I shall tear you down with my own hands.”

You took in his words, as your grin slowly started to expand a little the more he went into detail about his description of how exactly he was gonna take your life. You softly chuckled at his threat, hanging your head down as your hair was resting over your eyes, covering them up as you continued to giggle with pure amusement. “Awh..~” you glanced up at the man once again, some of your teeth exposed with your grin as your eyes were smugly half lid. You readjusted your hand as you gently, yet firmly grabbed him by the jawline, placing your thumb right under his chin as you pressed his skin. “It is truly adorable how undeniably obsessed you are with me. Do you clop to the idea of hurting me too?”

You curled up your index finger as it caressed Frollo on his cheek, your little smirk becoming smaller, but still being very visible nonetheless. “I'm quite flattered, my sweet~” your prying eyes were full of glee as you fluttered your lashes, attracting the man even further if that was even possible. You took a step even closer towards him, your chest almost pressed onto him as you got further into his personal space, so inviting...

And oh dear God. Everything you just said... Your smirk, your stance. It didn't take a genius to figure out that you were attempting to seduce him. You were trying to provoke him. And it was working. “H-hngh..!?” Frollo's breathing grew shallow. Every muscle in his body was starting to tighten in exasperation. He was shaking in anger. That's right. He was angry- so unbelievably, extraordinarily angry. But, he was also... Tempted.

And though his body was noticeably still somewhat stiff, you did not miss him beginning to melt into your touch, despite the obvious death stare in his eyes. He was so easily affected and getting worked up by your shenanigans, it was almost cute. Almost. You smirked to yourself as your soft fingers continued to tease his facial features. You were completely leaning into him at this point, both breasts squished onto him as you kept the eye contact with assertion.

Your free hand even wandered over towards the back of his neck, your fingers gently digging into his spine as you rubbed them up and down, but slowly beginning to add more pressure. “You seem to be making yourself comfortable with me quite swiftly, minister...” you stood on your toes to add on height and match his level, “Is that something you enjoy? Making quick development instead of taking things slowly~?” Frollo's heart literally started beating faster. The way you were saying these things. It was so very seductive. And your finger that was caressing him? You... A-Ah...

“H-How dare you!” His tone sounded so frustrated, like he was trying to hide something. Something he wouldn't want you to find out. You could practically see the rage in his eyes, but the way you spoke? And the way you got so close to him, you could practically feel his anger, his resentment, slowly melt away. His head started to turn red, as he gritted his teeth. He really couldn't take it, you had completely caught him in your trap. And you did that so... effortlessly.

It made him feel weak and submissive, a foreign feeling to the priest. You were completely dominating him. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. You made him vulnerable. You got into his... frozen and rock cold heart. You were in control now, and he was just so very powerless to your charms. His entire body was beginning to tremble. His breathing, it was slowly getting quicker and more shallow. It almost felt- the way you touched him, with such delicate care. The way you were teasing him like this. His entire body was starting to feel so hot. He felt the blood surging, pumping him up, preparing him for something he didn't dare to acknowledge.

And being less vigilant, he admitted to his thoughts much more easily. “It... astonishes me... when you... make me lose control” He said, the tone in his voice being a mix of anger and lust. Of desire. Of passion. Words that you hadn't really expected. You'd never guessed for a response like this. It was so sensual. He was clearly losing control now. The way he had just admitted to you that he was enjoying this? It felt as if he was a man on a chain. And you were the one holding it.

This was not supposed to be happening. Not like this. Frollo was... He was tempted. He was extremely tempted. He did not want to be tempted! He did not want to be lured by your feminine allure and your seducing gestures! Why. Why were you seducing him!? He was supposed to kill you, not fall for your antics dammit! He was literally getting flustered now, much to his embarrassment. And the way you pressed your body against his, as if trying to get as close as physically possible? It was really, REALLY making him nervous.

“Don't... you even DARE ...think that I am enjoying this! I... I am simply attempting to ...to” he began to trail off, unable to even think straight. And the more he was trying to desperately deny your claims, the more amused you became with the show. Without warning, you took another step forward and pressed your hips against him... pinning him with one of your thighs. Both of your bodies rubbing on one another as you adjusted your position again. Wanting to see just how hollow his words actually were.

And now he was definitely flustered. And you could tell. His breathing hastened, and he was literally going bright red. Frollo was trembling. And the fact that you could sense just how aroused he was, just made it worse. Because... Your intimate areas were rubbing against his, and there was not a single inch of space between the two of you. “S-Stop... this, you... Y-You witch..!”

His eyes widened as soon as you stepped into him further. You were just getting as intimate as could be. Your thighs and hips were rubbing against him. And it was making him... He was literally drooling now. Frollo was speechless. And he literally was making a mess out of himself. Like... He looked like a fool! One of the most dangerous people in the country, was... drooling... His mouth was open slightly, looking like he was going to say something. But instead, he closed his mouth shut again, and looked almost ashamed. As if he had been caught doing something humiliating.

Your eyes just lit up at the sight while you showed off your teeth with a shit-eating grin, confirming how amused you were by the situation. You tried making yourself even taller than before, as if trying to take away his confidence height-wise as well. You were having this heart-to-heart exchange with him face to face. Your face now literal millimetres away from his, intimidating.

But then you did something that caught him off guard, as you licked off the saliva that was dribbling down his mouth. Your tongue firstly stroking his spit-covered chin before seductively brushing it up to the crook of his mouth where the running drool started. But your tongue quickly wandered to his upper lip, sending a shock right through his veins. Your warm and sweet tongue began teasingly brushing left and right over the entrance of his lips, attempting to pry them open for a good three seconds before pulling back. You glanced at him right in the eye again, a cheeky glint in your eyes. “Aww, you poor man~ He almost spilled..~ Are you actually gonna soil yourself in front of me?” you purred with a tease.

As soon as you started licking the drool off of his lips, He got an electrical shock. A wave of pure nervousness and tingles running down his veins. The blush on his cheeks was getting redder, and you could hear his heartbeat. The saliva that was dropped, got licked up by you. You were staring at him so seductively. A warm, sweet feeling, of just pure ecstasy was flowing through his body.

And the way you were so close to him. You really were an actual princess. Or the queen of sin, rather. He looked like he was about to just collapse. Frollo... His wide eyes were now looking at your lips when you pulled back, and you could see the desire in them. And when you licked the saliva from his lips... He almost- almost let out a moan. He was literally about to melt away.

The priest's entire face flushed a deep, deep red. His blush was... it was so obvious to you, along with the fact that he was salivating at this. But the fact that you licked it off...? You could practically see his entire world begin to break down, right after that. You didn't just break his walls down. You obliterated them. He didn't know what to say. You were just... Ah, God. so, so cruel.

The way you did just that. The way you licked it. It was... Oh, heavens. You would be an absolute demon in bed. He blinked, shaking his head and basically still drooling all over himself. Damn it. What in the world.

“You... You b-bitc-... Yo-... wh-” He couldn't get a word out. He was too stunned. All of the blood in his body seemed to be rushing down to his cheeks at once. And he could feel a warm liquid start to soak into his undergarments. Yes. That thing, the thing that he desperately didn't want to get hard. He clenched his jaws shut, as he started to sweat. He didn't know how to react or respond. You were playing with him at this point. You could practically see the steam rising off of his head. And he could feel the liquid seeping into his cloth.

This whole situation was just mortifying to Frollo, both for his reputation and pride. He tried to take a step back, but he was getting too caught up in his own... reaction, to realize he had his back pressed against the wall in here. He could feel his breathing getting heavier. And just his reaction of shock was more than enough to keep you going, as your hand clung to the back of his neck, your fingertips digging into his flesh again. “I can’t help but wonder what other places are getting hot and moist for me” you purred with a mischievous chuckle, leaning in close to his face once again.

“I recommend you stay in line” you murmured with a sense of warning as you took his bottom lip between your teeth, the tip of your canine pressing into it. Your hot and damp tongue came in contact with it as you pressed it against his parted lips, teasingly tracing it against the entrance of his lips but never actually going inside his mouth... Smearing your saliva over the base of his lips, while you seductively sucked his bottom lip, just watching how long he could keep it up before losing his sense of self control

His body was quaking. His frame was like a leaf in the wind. He was being absolutely manhandled. The way you nibbled his lip, you were making his legs go weak. There were no words. There were just... sounds. Sounds coming from his throat, as the heat and moisture inside him really began to build up. The way you continued to use your tongue. The way you continued to play with his lip like a cat with a ball of yarn. It felt like this was never going to end. And he... his moans. You could hear his voice. Those soft moans, that were only for you to hear. He was losing focus, and he did not care. His body getting wet. And it was all your fault. You were doing this to him. You were teasing him, playing with him like a puppeteer.

His lips were now opening up for you. His mouth inviting. Something which made your eyes darken with glee as you got the ultimate invitation from him. Not hesitating for any second thoughts. Your tongue slowly wandered in and began brushing against his inner lip, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of having your tongue deep into the back of his mouth. You pressed it in further, going slightly deeper as you rubbed your tongue against his gum tissue. Before reaching the inferior labial frenulum, as you teasingly slid your tongue over it. And that... that was an especially loud moan, coming from a person like Frollo, who's usually calculated and reserved. Reserved on that level, as it was clear he was enjoying this right now.

He was being completely seduced and he didn't care. His vocal groans were beginning to fill the room. The way your tongue was exploring his mouth... It was sending shivers down his spine. His eyes widening as he felt himself start to become damp. Your hand, wrapped around the back of his neck with your fingers pressing into his flesh. He liked how you were being so rough and so dominating at the moment. But your comment, about his other... moistened areas. He felt a hot liquid rushing through his body as he thought about it, as if he was being cooked alive.

He was just completely, utterly, and miserably lost in you. His eyes were staring at yours, with that warm glaze of lustful desire. And he was letting his inner demons play with his soul. They weren't being suppressed anymore. They were getting out, completely free. He was struggling to keep himself from just giving into you. He was almost tempted to just... get on the bed, and invite you on top of him. His lips were now completely split apart. His mouth was inviting you to go in deeper. To do whatever you pleased. The tip of his tongue was inviting you. And you could practically taste his wet tongue. His breath was starting to falter. The way you rubbed against his gums, the movement was so perfect and experienced. Frollo's entire body felt hot and wet. And it was making him want more. So much more.....

You could definitely tell he was getting desperate. His tongue eagerly and impatiently begging for it to intertwine with yours. He wanted your tongue at the back of his throat... And feeling eager, he desperately began to lick at you, desperate to taste you. And wanting to feed into that desperation, you began moving your tongue up and down, making the tip of his tongue rub over yours. Right before your tongue began wandering, slipping it flat on top of his. You slowly began pressing your tongue to the back of his throat, using his tongue as a guide as you slid it down to his tonsils, rubbing them. Sometimes pulling back for just a few seconds before teasingly sliding it down again, keeping him needy for more.

He was practically begging for it by now. His mouth was literally begging for your tongue to get deeper. But you were just teasing him so hard, and that's what was making this so hot. The way your tongue was moving, it was like a damn tongue dance. And you were playing the damn instrument that was his mouth perfectly. Teasing his tongue, nibbing at it and just being absolutely filthy with him. His mouth was just yours now.

You were literally eating him, was the only thing Frollo could think. He couldn't help but groan out as soon as your tongue went deeper inside his mouth, sliding alongside his own tongue. Your warm, wet tongue was rubbing against the sensitive skin in there, and you were teasing his mouth. You were making him melt. You were... making him weak. His neck and back started to arch involuntarily. The way you slid it down his throat as it touched his tonsils... The priest's body was starting to jerk. His eyes went blank, as he let out moans and gasps. It felt like you were controlling his mind and body, and that only made him feel even more desperate and in need of you.

Frollo was in a trance, practically. You were just so tempting. So delicious. His voice was turning into pure moans as he opened his mouth, letting out the sound of a beg. It was as if he was trying to say he wanted it. That this was what he wanted. His jaw was opened, his hands were hanging limp besides his body, behaving so submissively. The minister, who had been feared by everybody around him, was just completely done for.

You pulled back for a bit, as he moaned out in relief. A string of saliva now connecting your tongue with his mouth. “Don't go rabid on me now. You've been wanting this for a long, long time, hmm?” you teased him as one of your hands travelled towards his chin, before you started pressing your thumb into his mouth. You pressed your finger on his tongue, sliding it further to the back of his throat, threatening to make him gag if he disobeyed and forcing his jaw open even further. “Be a big boy and open up wide for me..~” you purred with a sadistic giggle, tempting him by sticking out your tongue.

There was no way out of this. His expression now completely rearranged from frustrated, to a look which was flaring with excitement. He was literally sweating. In one move, you had basically turned him from an egotistical man, into your own personal toy at your disposal. You owned him. Even when he got some of his control back when you moved your mouth away from him, he didn't wanna stop what you were doing. He was just hopelessly addicted to you, His brain was you. Nothing BUT you.

“You're playing under my rules now, minister.”

And he was just another piece of your collection to satisfy your needs.

[chlmtsdoll]

i need some dad art moments from u !!! 🩷

Yes yes yes. I don’t want kids so writing out the fantasies in my fics helps the girl instincts pass iykyk. 😉

Fluff | Dilf Art | he’s a soft parenting kinda guy so here <3

It had been past your girls bed time when you were found snug, on the couch as you sat cuddled up with Art in front of the tv. The two of you were getting ready just in time to start your movie night after setting your eight and two year old daughters tucked away for the night. So as they were sound asleep, you and your husband could finally get some time to wind down together. Just you and your Art.

“So, what’s on the menu tonight, sweets ?” Art questioned you with a fond smile as he relaxed against the pillows by your side, a blanket and remote in hand with him.

“Hmm, I feel like a drama tonight, I dunno- or.. romance?” you slowly began to grin as you always wanted to get Art to feel the feels with you when it was your turn to pick the movie. Which led him to playfully groaning as he shook his head. Every week it was the same pick with you.

“Baby..” your husband chuckled as he pulled your legs across his lap. “You always wanna watch a drama- - I’m not sure if I’m up for tears tonight.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly as Art furrowed his brow in nervousness that you’d put on something that would have him reaching for the tissues for two hours.

“But crying during movies is fun!”

“Sure it is, but, there’s tons of other kinds of movies- - it is October now. What about something spooky?” The man did his best to convince you of watching anything other than another sappy film and you sighed as you sat in thought of his suggestion of scaring you into being paranoid all night.

“I suppose… but nothing too much. I wanna sleep tonight.” You titter and Art smirked.

“You’re fine. And if you do get scared, that’ll give me an excuse to hold you all night without you complaining that I’m suffocating you.” Art pulled you into his chest smoothly and you let out giggles as he wrapped both his broad arms around your body covered in your soft colored pajama set and comfy slippers.

Art was leaving kisses on your face before you heard the sound of tiny feet hitting the floor boards from the hallway. Approaching the living room, you and Art both looked down the way in which you heard the noise, sitting up when your two year old came running to the both of you.

“Daddy!” She yelled as she climbed the couch and collapsed straight in Arts embrace without any notion to you in your husbands grasp.

“Hey ! Hey.. angel, what’s wrong ? Did Lily wake you?”

Your daughter shook her head, and you leaned up as the tired child mumbled a bunch of unknown phrases with the occasional “daddy” in between being all the two of you could understand. You’d still been working on her vocabulary at the time being. So far, all she really knew was to ask for food, daddy, mommy (although she hardly used it because she always just wanted Art) and well.. Art.

He was her whole world these days. Most of the time ignoring you whenever her dad had been their to play and let her do parkour off of him. They were conjoined at the hip and it did give you more time to rest when Art had been home to be with the girls when you’d been the one with them most of the time while he was at tennis. It was like the moment he walked through the door they hadn’t even known of your existence anymore. Art would make jokes about being their favorite, but deep down he knew to remind the girls to love and appreciate their mama as well.

You smiled fondly as you reached to stroke your daughters hair, she laid her head on Arts chest like she’d been ready to go to bed. Wrapping her little arms around her dads torso as best as the sleepy girl could, like he was a pillow made just for her. It made your heart swell.

“I guess she couldn’t sleep again.”

“Yeah.. couldn’t sleep, my love?” Art coo’d as he glanced down at the baby, holding you and her as well as he could in his lap. He’d gotten better at it when it was a necessity to make himself shareable for all three of his girls. Most of his time at home with you all had been filled with each of you wanting him more than anything really, so luckily there was more than enough love to go around even for the busy man.

You leaned in and kissed the girls head softly before standing up.

“Well baby, it’s way past your bedtime. You gotta sleep so let’s get you up to your room-” as you reached to lift her from Arts hold, it was immediate whines and cries that come from the two year old.

“No!” She huffed and her pout was clear as she clung to Art away from your hands. Your shoulders dip in defeat as you sighed and looked up at your husband who already had an all knowing look on his expression of how this always went.

She had been like this gradually the last couple of weeks. She wouldn’t go down in her own bed or anywhere else unless Art held her to sleep. She wanted him every second of the day when it was time for her naps or just in general. Which hurt your heart at times when he’d be off at work because the little one would cry ferociously for her dad even with you. And as precious as you thought it was when they were together — her curled up in his arms, sought sound asleep with her cute cupids bows to her lip slightly agape against him, and eventually he would fall asleep with her as well. You wanted to be cuddled by your husband to sleep some nights too.

“C’mon baby, you gotta go to sleep. Daddy and I will stay with you, okay?..” you tried to take her hand, get her to want to sleep in her own bed with her own stuffed animals and right across from her big sister. But her stubbornness didn’t budge. She just fought off your hands and held on to Art as best as she could, tucking her face away in his shirt as you speak with soft whines.

“Princess, mommy wants you to sleep in your bed tonight. We gotta listen to her wishes…” Art tried to help with his soft but taunting tone. And your little one only pouted more, she turned away from you and hugged Art as the waterworks started. Your husband sighed and glanced back up at you.

“Just.. for tonight, why don’t we let her stay with us, babe?”

Art’s gentle nature matched his voice as he cradled his daughter closer in his embrace, leaving less space for you.

“But what about movie night..” you could of pouted too if you hadn’t remembered you’d been the one co in charge here, but Art only gave you a reassuring smile as he held the back of your head and brought you in for a sweet kiss.

“We can still have a movie. We’ll just have to keep quiet till she’s asleep than I’ll bring her back up. How does that sound, sweetness ?” Your husband handled it all so well, even better than you at moments you had to admit. Though you knew by the time your daughter had fallen asleep and your movie was over, you’d definitely be too beat for there to be any time to allude to anything else you and your husband could of spent doing. But you had to accept that. And even with your hand softly easing up on your little girl, you could only let it slip away with a soft breath before kissing goodbye your night alone with your husband.

“Fine, I guess it’ll be alright for tonight.” You spoke softly before looking down at your little one and rubbing her back tenderly.

Art couldn’t say he didn’t hope that he could’ve gotten just one night in between your daughters tough bedtime streak to enjoy you, especially since he just got a break from work. But as much as it would have been hard to say no to you, it was even harder for him to disregard his baby girl asking for him to bed. He just couldn’t resist. And to you it was never easy either — with the way she pleaded to be coddled. She had her daddy’s eyes, blue orbs with just a swirl of brown hinted in there looking up at you with pre-readied tears. His features standing out in her was always your weakest point especially when Art had looked right back at you to ask of her to stay. The night would come when you’d just have to send her back to bed. But that wasn’t gonna be tonight.

As the evening went on, you and Art did finish your movie and the man made sure to keep both of his girls supported comfortably by his side, you palmed the side of your daughters cheek as well as Arts and looked up to watched as his tired eyes stayed on the screen ahead of you three.

“How are we supposed to make more babies if we can’t even get one out of the way?” You whispered with an endearing smile as you traced the light patch of subtle on his face and Art couldn’t help but chuckle softly before leaning in to kiss your temple.

“The right time will come, my love.”

[randomshitwhore]

MW2 Boys & Valeria + kissing them under the mistletoe <3

-> aww love, something I dont have but proceed to write about constantly LMAO. waiting for the day ill have a partner on/during Christmas and experience this but until now, my MW2 boys and Valeria(for my gay ass) will do <3

featuring: simon "ghost" riley, john "soap" mactavish, alejandro vargas, rodolfo "rudy" parra, john price, and valeria garza

Simon "Ghost" Riley

he probably wouldn't understand what to do when you casually point it out

since he struggles around the holidays due to unfortunate circumstances (iykyk), he hasn't really been up to date on the latest Christmas traditions or any for that matter

you'd probably have to explain that when two people are caught under the mistletoe, you were supposed to kiss (with consent!)

he would agree and probably just give you a standard smooch the first time, but in the days leading up to Christmas, the kisses would become more and more romantic each day

probably by next Christmas, there isn't no doorway that doesn't have mistletoe above it

John "Soap" MacTavish

I can tell this man is a total sucker for mistletoe kisses

would be the one to put it up AND point it out to you in the cheesiest way possible

"oh look mistletoe, wouldn't be a total shame if you came over here"

literally gives the best kisses ever, mistletoe or no mistletoe

totally dips you when kissing and smiles into the kiss (when is it gonna be my turn ;-;)

Alejandro Vargas

papi vargas <3

same as ghost, mistletoe is everywhere

and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere

you literally can't escape this man kissing you every chance he gets

also would probably dip you while kissing but if your doing cooking, aims straight for the neck (again, when will it be my turn?)

Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

omg literally the sweetest human alive

honestly can see him putting up the mistletoe with you and tying little pieces in with your presents he got you

just like soap, favorite holiday tradition ever

steals kisses whenever he can

lips, cheek; doesn’t matter

as long as you guys are caught under it together or if you’re doing something under it, you get your sweet ass he’s running over to give you a kiss

Captain John Price

again, sweetest and most wholesome man alive

just seems like the type to just get so fucking excited when Christmas time comes around

just seeing you happy is enough for him

seeing the mistletoe and you looking at him just makes him feel 10x younger

would def pick you up bridal style and kiss you under the mistletoe

(ugh what a DILF, love price so much)

Valeria Garza

cartel mommy <3

literally gets so fucking excited when Christmas comes around

will definitely get matching pajamas

this woman doesn't need mistletoe around to kiss you, honestly

definitely, the type to sneak up behind you and just wrap her arms around you while your decorating, that's when she catches the mistletoe being hung up

"mi vida, if you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask"

(UGH I FUCKING LOVE HER SO MUCH, MEOW)

[scrollonso]

Let's be honest here

Lance is so underrated. And people hate him just because he has rich dad(iykyk)

justice for my man Lance😔✊

justice for lance

not his fault his dad's a rich dilf 😕

[friend-shaped-but]

Modern AU: Meet the Parshatas

Have lots of generational wealth. They've got a beautiful mansion filled with old art including but not limited to stone and wooden sculptures, a vintage brass kitchen, antique wooden furniture, and paintings on every wall.

Family Properties

The main house(mansion) where the family actually lives(After Shikhandi moves away for Reasons, Prishati dies, and Draupadi marries, it's the twins, Drishtadyumna, Jitu, and Drupad in there.)

The Guest House: A Chettinad style old house, bought from a man Who gave up Indian citizenship and moved to France after WW1. Has two floors, with about 3-4 rooms on each floor and thus is used as a guest house. Managed by Nitya(Yes, that OC exists here as well. Yes, she is shalakas friend) 

The Museum: Started by Drupad, managed and looked after by Shikhandi. Shikhandi started the handlooms wing, an entire wing dedicated to different handicrafts from all over India. He personally leads tours there if he ever visits. (Low-key tempted to place this in paithan/yeola) 

Then there's a new building they get for the Foundation(read: Shikhandis trans shelter). 

Shikhandi, in this AU moves in with Shalaka because I find it cute, Draupadi moved into Bheems house after marriage and Shashikala moved into the family house after marrying drish. 

Characters: 

Drupad: Dilf. Resident dilf. Prishata used to own a cash crop business but lost a lot of it and now they only got cotton. He refuses to sell the art. All the people in his life sucked until Prishati and she also died younger than she does in canon. He raises the twins mostly alone, and imo does a good job of it. When the kids are travelling, however, and it's just Drupad, he hates how quiet it is in there. So he has longass phone calls with Bheem and Draupadi.

Shikhandi: (note: I'll be using he/him pronouns for pre trans shikhand as well for now.)

Childhood: rocky relationship with Drupad but he really is Prishat's darling. Drupad didn't have any good role models so he's also a bit. sexist imo. excellent artist, and later (Italy arc) gets into oil painting as well. more on that later. But the one positive thing he gets from Drupad is the art appreciation. 

Education: In the og panchal fic, even if Prishata is a bad person and father, he's a good grandfather. In the modern AU, he's just a piece of shit. Shikhandi vows to salvage the business. So, even if he doesn't really want to, he basically forces himself through a business degree, and that + prishati's death sometime around when she he's 18+ the beginnings of identity (read: gender) crisis means he doesn’t really score well in college. Jitu also goes the business degree route but he actually wants it and likes the work. (Later, he will be getting some sort of arts degree (TBD) from Europe & work there for a few yrs).

Business arc: He works hard to bring the business that Prishata ruined back to normal. He takes it in a new direction & Jitu makes it successful Renovates the museum (see pt. 1-3) and adds the handicrafts/fabrics/handlooms wing. Emotional labour XTREME Loves handloom cotton sarees (complicated relationship with sarees, iykyk). Is also raising normie twins during that + handling drupad's grief. It's bad.

 Italy: Decides to go away When he's fairly confident that Jity. ← Drish can take care of the business, he decides that he can take a break. However, he mistakenly thinks that break means just change but equal amount of work and decides to get an art degree. For abt 3-4 years, he goes to Europe (Italy) and works as a museum curator. However, the burnout bites him back in the ass and everything he has been pushing aside comes to the forefront and he can't sleep, appetite decreases, rage issues increase, etc. etc. jykyk. It all comes to a head when he accidentally calls Drupad in the middle of the night, drunk off his ass, crying. Since he wasn't there for Drupad's improvement arc and doesn't Know about it, he doesn’t think anything will happen. But drupad listens. He listens!! Then he comes to Italy, and they have a proper talk heart to heart and then come back together. good comes out. Yanno all those memes of confused but got to the spirit parents on pinterest? THAT IS LITERALLY HIM. 

Transition: not much to say about this. Drupad & the normie twins just throw money at the doctors and the govt office wale then finally, Shikhandi gets told to "Actually relax, not go headlong into smth new” 

Nepal arc: Shikhandi goes to Nepal, imagine like. One of Those Hippies, backpacks and bikes in uttarakhand and nepal, visits shiva temples, maybe takes drawing classes for kids, just has a chill time. This arc is so cute istg. 

Self discovery: Shikhandi is conflicted about what to do abt his & prishati’s saree collection. Some he donates, some he gives to Kunti & Draupadi, some he stitches things. from sor uses as dhotis. His best ones lie unused in a cupboard in the family house.(you’ll know what he does with them later) Then he has the idea of starting charity & stiff, Offering both services & shelter to trans ppl and youth. (Nakul sahadev entry here) develops a new (mediocre) fashion sense. Truly the Most Average Guy ever. Think elliot page, and make it 10X more boring. Looks wise he's still hot though. 

Romance arc: Little bit away from the shelter is a martial arts studio where shalaka and Nitya teach Indian martial arts. Then one day, just as shalaka is locking up the studio, she sees a commotion where shikhandis shelter is being attacked by goons. Bursts in, saves the day, and shikhandi is like. "I wanna thank you, come to dinner?" Shalaka says yes. and they fall in love on that dinner date, have a whirlwind romance, 4 live happily ever after (Insert moving in, IKEA shenanigans, beach date, etc.).

Satyajit: Satyajit is about 2 and half years younger than Shikhandi and corrects everyone who tries to say he's 3 years younger. As one does. Gets a business degree and helps Shikhandi to bring his ideas into reality. He is taking care of the business while Shikhandi is in Italy and loves the job. Keeps the job. In the og he is doing a thankless job. Here he is appreciated because I say so. Comes to pick up Shikhandi and drupad at the airport when they come back from Italy. Second place Winner of the best hugs award(first is bheem). Him and Shikhandi were really close as kids but drifted apart slowly. Really tall to contrast short king Shikhandi. Personality is mostly similar to the main Panchal fic. Shashi plotline is also similar to the og fic. 

Dhrishtadyumna: 5 yrs younger than Shikhandi, born normally. Economics major, English minor, masters in Journalism. Currently writing a book on ancient Indian sports with Shalaka and Bheem, and working on exposing Dronas coaching academy. 

Draupadi: Economics major, sociology minor, masters in Economics and goes on to become a professor. Idk how she meets Bheem and marries him but she does. Kuntis fave(and only) DIL.

Yudhamanyu: 9 years younger than Shikhandi. Accidents, actually. NALSAR Hyderabad alumnus. Calm, level-headed lawyer. Childhood angst where Prishati died when they were quite young and so they were raised by Shikhandi mostly. WARNING: NEVER PUT HIM AND SHALAKA IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER. YOU WILL REGRET IT. 

Uttamaujas: NLU gujarat alumnus. Top of his class. In a steady relationship with vikrant. They are high school sweethearts. #3 for best hugs award. Short-tempered. Professional in court but no bets outside. Baby of the family. Has a younger twins group chat with Draupadi and(After he is found) Sahadev. Has a good resting bitch face. Can turn into resting uwu face at any moment. 

Shalaka and Nitya: Shalaka was sent to a posh boarding school(think those castleass schools in like dehradun founded by the British. But like in kerala.) at a frightfully young age(think 5 years old). Met Nitya there, became friends with her. Familial pressure was a bitch so she cut ties with hiranyavarman and went off to learn martial arts. Is like. 5 years older than Shikhandi. (In og fic she's younger). Briefly dated Nitya but they were both not happy and stayed friends. Runs a studio where she teaches martial arts. Like 4-5 batches per day. NO SELF LOATHING ARC🥳🥳 lubs Some Guy Shikhandi. Rolls her eyes at his antics but knows he FOUGHT to be this happy and light hearted and cutie pie so she also genuinely respects him and the work he does

The kids. You know the one. Yes jay and divya are the only panchal kids that exist. Same age as sutasoma in this for Plot Reasons. Shatanik also exists but more on him LATER.

[artdcnaldson]

OMGG HII I LITERALLY LOVE YOUR WORK AND IT TASTES LIKE THOSE HOME-MADE CHOCOLATE CRISP COOKIES /pos I JUST WANTED TO BRING SOMETHING TO CONSIDER ARHGHGJHR IM CLAWING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE SO HARD RN I DONT THINK IM NORMAL ABOUT PATRICK AND ART ANYMORE 😭 Okay so, we all talk about dilf art this or retirement era patrick and art that- BUT BUT TBUB BUT BUT BUTTTT WHAT ABOUT a standford era patrick and art that are training under a tennis celebrity that's almost double their age but they're literally obsessed with her and everything about her- And. She just kinda. Sugar mommy. iykyk AND IM JUST FERAL ABOUT THAT ARHGHTHGHHG so if you could write something (a blurb or headcanons) or simply give your thoughts™ on this au I would forever be grateful

No this is soooo good <3 And you’re so sweet wtf thank u <3

You’re trying to be a professional— to train them the way that Art and Patrick’s parents are paying you to.

Art clings to you like a lost puppy, asking about certain matches he had watched, or asking to see trophies and medals. It’s sweet, really, you know? The kid is clearly a fan, clearly relishing in his brushes with tennis fame. He does whatever you say with a quick nod, an easy smile, like just making eye contact with you is a privilege.

But Patrick leers, he flirts with you even when you try to brush him off. You try to ignore that he’s checking out your ass, or your tits, but he’s so fucking blatant about it, like he needs you to know he’s doing it. He’s so persistent in all things— never giving up when there’s still a snowball’s chance he could pull you.

And you shouldn’t be tempted, you know? You’re in your early thirties, and they’re both, what, nineteen? Still starry eyed and dreaming of a stellar tennis career, of being stars and signing rackets and fucking groupies. But maybe it’s that fresh-faced enthusiasm that’s so appealing, that makes you start laughing when Patrick makes a thinly-veiled lewd comment, or leaning in a little closer when Art’s sitting on the bench asking you questions.

It’s why you invite them to your home, to your private court, because it’s well maintained, it’s private, and you don’t have to deal with people approaching you for autographs or tennis advice. And since they’re already there, why don’t they just stay the night? They think they’ve worn you down, that all their persistence has paid off.

And maybe it has, or maybe you’re just interested in the two young, pretty boys who would give anything to make you cum, or, at least, have the bragging rights to say they’ve made you cum. One on one lessons, just like their parents were paying you for <3

[chameli]

I finally started watching A*TLA (the animated series) 19 years too late, but here are my thoughts so far on the characters:

—

A*ang: He’s so sweet & adorable. I love him. He’s like a little brother to me. Has the purest heart.

K*atara: Truly a breath of fresh air after watching countless useless heroines in other media. I think she’s beautiful, tough, highly intelligent, observant, not afraid to be bossy or angry, and calls people out on their bullshit—but she’s also very caring, loving, and kind. She reminds me a lot of Devasena from the Baahubali films (and myself, hehe). All heroines should be like this!!!

S*okka: Never has a character made me laugh more. I think he’s hilarious and I love his sense of humor.

T*oph: I absolutely adore her. She’s so cute, funny, and tough.

Z*uko: In another life, he and Sasuke would’ve been besties. Z would be the nicer of the two 😂

I*roh: I think he’s funny & witty and I like how he treats his (sometimes mannerless) nephew as his own son.

O*zai: DILF in a “Dad I’d Like to Fight” way but he’s also a baddie?

A*zula: Everything about this character annoys me (especially her voice) and I don’t like her at all.

T*y Lee: She’s cute but gives off certain vibes…iykyk

M*ai: UGLY AS SIN!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

Princess Y*ue: So gorgeous and her story was sad yet beautiful :(

S*uki: SHE IS MY EVERYTHING!!! I LOVE HER!!!

K*yoshi Warriors: Flawless queens, all of them.

H*aru: He was soooooo cute and sweet but that mustache? GOTTA GO.

J*et: I LOVE HIMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!! He truly was charming, roguish, and an excellent fighter. Teenage me would have fallen for him in a heartbeat.

—

Usually I tend to dislike the heroes and often side with the villains, but the ones in this show annoyed me and I found them unlikeable. I love the main gang and was rooting for them at all times. I also really love the world building, lore, and cultural references. It’s all so fascinating.

[drexeldragonjedi]

acolyte ep 4 live-blogging

seeing the episode screencap: look at [sol] strutting

the transitionssssss

i hate redheads (i’m a redhead) [palp- dilf potential]

qimir has to be the sith lord (iykyk). he’s super sus this entire time. darth plagius apprentice who will eventually die a tragic fate??

is that ki adi mundi?? “he might reference the wookies, we’ll see”

“she’s 120 or something and she’s looking fine”

”sol is everything quigon could never be”

“rip sol he would have loved luke skywalker”

new kel dor??

“new little guy just dropped”

“yord, go fuck yourself”

little guy is a tracker?? “this feels exploitative”

new mothman drop??

“they use minutes??” “only [qimir] does”

little guy is at least a little amount puppet

why the jedi always posing??

it’s still sizzling

levitation?? hella cool helmet??

not a cliffhangerrrr!!! only 25 minutes??

ahhhhhhhhhhh

[roosterforme]

Happy 3K lovely!! No one deserves it more than you!!

I come to you with the below very self indulgent DILF thought. IYKYK and I know you know.

Bradley and his wife getting drunk in EPCOT while they drink around the world. Maybe they’re there just the two of them, or maybe it’s a family trip but Mav and Penny have their honorary grandkids over in the park to give the parents a break. Bonus points if there are snacks involved.

Love you babe! Congrats again!

IYKYK, and I know you know that I know.... anyway....

This is for my Dagger DILFs 3k party!

"Why did we come to the Disney in Florida when we live in California, babe?" Bradley asked you as he gave your son a piggyback ride.

You laughed as you watched your daughter a few feet ahead holding hands with Mav and Penny. "Because this one has the World Showcase," you told him. "And we can drink around the world all afternoon while Mav and Penny take the kids on some rides and to get character autographs."

"Sounds fun," he said with a shrug.

Two hours later, Bradley was giving you a piggyback ride while he laughed hysterically. "Babe, I had no idea I liked tequila so much! Can we just go back to Mexico and have more margaritas?"

"No, Bradley!" you scolded when he pretended to turn around. "You need to keep going towards France, or we'll never finish this before the park closes!"

"France?" he asked, squeezing your thighs. "I don't like wine. How about some French kisses instead?"

You giggled and kissed his neck as he got in line for more drinks with you still on his back. "If you drink a glass of wine, I'll reward you," you whispered, and sure enough Bradley chugged some Chardonnay like it was his job.

Then you made out with him next to the miniature Eiffel tower.

By the time the two of you were very tipsy and finishing your beers in the Canada pavilion, you got a text from Mav. "Bradley! They are taking the kids back to the hotel and letting us stay out by ourselves!"

Bradley reached back and patted his shoulder. "Hop back on, babe. We're going back to Mexico."

[evansbby]

i got turned off by dilfs when i realised imma have to change their diaper 😭😭😭 theres only like a good 15-20 years before theyre grandpa's... i wanted a silver fox not a santa claus

the only time I EVER liked a “silver fox” or grey hair in the beard is Roman Reigns and he’s only 38 he went prematurely grey bc of the stress of his cousins iykyk 😂😂😂

[fleursbending]

on my knees for young!dilf jake iykyk. like that one scene esp where the kiddos are still v young and playing in the water and spider leaps on them and tiri is like "he shud be with his own kind" and then it pans to tiri and jake OHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDFDDDDDDDDD. THE WAY HE LOOKS THERE ISSSSS LIFE ALTERING IM FOLDING.

[antiromanticbaby]

I HAVE THREE

first of all Lucifer. ALL OF THE ABOVE, here are mine. I relate to him on a weird spiritual level, his fashion sense ofc, he's such a dilf, responsible, protective, the type to hold a hand out and cover the sharp edge of a table just to make sure you don't hit your head there, would deff spoil his darling, He's so romantic and so classic and yet so tired and workaholic? which is relatable. a great tease, knows how and when to act. Like, he suppresses many of his urges everyday, he's very goofy and knows everything without you even saying it. I'm also a sucker for power and tall men ANYWAYS. Analyzing his character is also very fun because yay you get trauma and daddy issues and a whole lot of stuff to unpack.

second, Barbatos. I just wanna wife him up yk? he can cook, he's good with children (Lulu is too), he's always trim and proper which I adore and also very very polite. I like his sadistic side too, and the mysteries that come along with him. As a history lover, this man is gonna be my walking wikipedia and I would beg him to show me different parts of history IN PERSON. His tail <3 iykyk. I need someone to keep me in line ig? Plus demon butlers are just so <33333

Third, Diavolo. I just love this man, not too many reasons. He's so goofy and adorable but also knows when to be serious and handle tough stuff as a prince. He smiles all the time and is a total ball of sunshine even though he has a serious sadistic side and can easily do as much harm as he wants without anyone questioning him. He chose to be like this, kind and loving, and I adore him for that. He's just fascinating and his fascination with certain stuff is also adorable.

all of the guys above know how to threaten, torture, make sarcastic remarks while wearing a smile, and win fights. they're also overprotective and possessive? oh, and dark humor. plus their height. and maybe, maaaybe body.

I need help. Can you please vote who your fave is and why you love them in this poll? (you can put the reason/s in the tags!)

What are their unexpected sides? Things about them that aren't talked about as much in the main story and you can only find out in Devilgrams and such(for example, Lucifer not being a morning person, Solomon being a talented painter etc.)? Also, if you have any Devilgrams you can suggest, please let me know as well! Thanks! c:

[venusiangguk]

dilf jk.... the art of wanting jk.... the sweats n the balenciagas jk.... 🤨