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grayskies2525 · 2 months ago

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An Admirable Denial |M/M| Part 7

Word Count: 7,534

Link to all parts: An Admirable Denial (14 parts)

Content Warnings: There are mentions of nausea, but no actual vomiting. There are some descriptions of reptiles and spiders, but I intentionally kept it vague, since I was disturbing myself by thinking about these things (and looking up pictures).

Connor doesn’t know exactly what he’d been imagining when he decided to attend a Reptile Expo. He supposes he’d thought it’d be a small affair with other people into this niche interest of Felix’s — especially considering this is the first year this particular expo is being held and it's the middle of winter. Also, with this expo focusing only on vendors who support conservation programs, as well as offering only captive-bred animals in efforts to minimize impact on wildlife population, Connor figured it wouldn’t especially appeal to a broad crowd.

So when he makes it to the convention center and sees how large the venue is, he starts to reconsider what all the event might entail.

Once Connor parks the car in the surprisingly crowded parking area. There are banners on the building and signs posted around showing the Expo’s name. He hears Felix gasp. Connor, despite feeling progressively worse and as the minutes go by, feels a large grin spread across his face.

“Connor!” Felix exclaims, turning to face him, eyes wide. “Is this — is — how? How did you even find out about this? I looked into this months ago, but didn’t want to go alone. And… well, that was when you were still in New York, and I didn’t want to ask anyone else to travel three hours away just to look at reptiles. I don’t think I would’ve even asked you. But seriously, oh my god, how did you find out about this? The people holding this expo are huge supporters of wildlife conservation.”

Connor smiles. “I know all about their conservation efforts. Every vendor here provides captive bred animals only. The focus really seems to be more educational based than a lot of the other popular expos I’ve looked into. Their primary goal is to adopt out reptiles who need homes.”

Felix is staring at Connor with his mouth open. “You really looked into ethical reptile expos? And bought tickets for one? You don’t even like reptiles! You hate them!” He pauses and looks hard at Connor. “You do know there’s going to be reptiles in there, right? Like real ones, and like a lot of them? You’re… You’re going to have such a terrible time. And you're sick! Connor!” Felix exclaims, reaching out to squeeze Connor’s arm, and looking at him as though he’d brought them to a lion’s den — not an organized convention. “Listen, you can just stay in the car, okay? I’m fine going in on my own. You can stay here with the heat on and take a nap. I won’t stay long.”

“I’m fine — it’s just a little bit of a co—” Connor stops when he sees Felix’s expression. Connor hadn’t even made the conscious decision to say the words. His brain already had the lie ready and Connor diligently delivered it completely on autopilot. “Okay, yes, I’m not feeling great. But, like I’ve already told you, a big part of this is seeing you enjoy it. That’s not going to happen if I just stay here in the car. And, also, I know you don’t like doing stuff like this alone. So, don’t argue with me about this, okay? I want to go in.” This statement is only partially true. What Connor wants is a bed and complete silence so the pounding in his head will calm down a little. But it’s true he also wants to see Felix happy.

Felix is still quiet, his brows knitted, while he chews on his lip.

Connor sighs before taking Felix’s hands. “Sweetheart, seeing that big goofy smile of yours is one of my favorite things in the world, okay? I mean top three at least. I don’t think it quite beats out a Hershey’s Cookies ‘N’ Creme bar, but it’s a close second.” Felix rolls his eyes at this, but Connor sees the corners up his mouth twitch. “And if walking into a building full of vicious dinosaur descendants is what it’ll take to see that, well then, I consider it worth a bit of discomfort.”

Felix snorts, but then his expression sobers. “That’s not accurate, actually. It’s a common misconception due to some of the same characteristics they share, but to say they’re a “descendent” would be a misnomer. Now, birds are direct descendants of dinosaurs which is cool as hell, but reptiles are more like…cousins. Not direct descendants,” he finishes.

Connor stares at Felix, then finally shakes his head and laughs. “Okay, silly me. Of course everyone should know it’s the birds who are descended from dinosaurs. A parakeet and a tyrannosaurus rex? Totally similar,” he jokes, while rolling his eyes.

“Oh my god, babe, I can so go into the ways they are similar if you want,” Felix says.

“Hmm,” Connor hums. “Maybe save that particular lecture for your Biology students. If you don’t mind, let’s head inside,” he says, jerking his head toward the convention center. “Quite the crowd seems to be pouring in.”

Felix looks at him with another bite of his lip, then his mouth stretches into a huge smile. “Okay! Are you sure, though?” he asks one last time.

Connor rolls his eyes. “Yes, let’s go look at some dinosaur cousins,” he says before opening his door and stepping out of the car.

_____

“HEP-P’SHOO!”

Connor catches the sharp sneeze into his ever-present tissue. They’ve been in the building for ten minutes and haven’t had the opportunity to see much. There’s a large multitude of booths set up around the large room, but there’s long lines and crowds around every single one. Felix, though, seems unfazed. He stands on his tiptoes as he tries to see over the heads of all the people who are much taller than him, smiling, even though Connor knows he can’t possibly be seeing much.

“What exactly is it we’re waiting to see again?” Connor asks, sniffling, his nose starting to run incessantly.

Felix grins ear to ear. “A Gila monster. They’re really cute. And they’re one of the only venomous lizards.”

Connor goes to respond, but brings his tissue up to catch another sneeze instead. “Hrr-p’SHOO!”

“Bless you,” Felix says with a frown.

“HEP-SHUUH!”

“Bl —”

“HEP-shuuuhh!”

“Bless you,” Felix says, emphatically, his concern etched all over his face.

“Thanks,” Connor manages to say, though with his congestion it sounds more like “thagksd.” The musty smell permeating the expo hall must be getting to Connor’s already irritated nose because he feels an almost constant urge to sneeze.

“Connor, we can leave,” Felix says, sounding so worried.

Connor smiles, which is somehow a gesture that is becoming painful. His entire face aches, including his teeth. He knows his sinus cavity must be a complete wreck. He takes Felix’s hand and squeezes. “Nope. We’re gonna see this lizard monster thing. It’s just some sneezes.”

Felix narrows his eyes. “You’ll tell me if it becomes worse than ‘just some sneezes’ right? Remember, you promised — no passing out.”

Connor chuckles. “I remember, I remember. No passing out. I’m definitely not to that level,” he says. He wants to prove to Felix, though, that he is trying to let him in a little more. “Just some crummy sinus issues. My face is, uh, a little achy,” he says, rubbing the center of his forehead.

“You should be resting,” Felix says, frowning.

Thankfully, though, they’ve made it to the front of the line and can now see the lizard in its massive enclosure. The lizard is… Connor certainly wouldn’t say cute. There’s multiple signs displaying information about their venomous nature, and even though they’re separated by thick glass, Connor has the strong urge to grab Felix’s waist and pull him away from the creature that literally has “monster” in its name. Felix, of course, doesn’t share this concern at all. He immediately launches into a ton of questions about what the vendors are doing to reduce the stress levels of the lizard, since apparently they prefer calmer environments. Connor listens a little as the handler gives information about how there’s plenty of hiding places in the enclosure for the lizard to retreat to when he’s feeling stressed. There’s also talk about giving the lizard breaks throughout in a quieter back area away from the crowds. Connor spares a moment to empathize with the lizard, because Connor would also like to take a break away from the loud crowds for the sake of his head. The handler mentions how lucky Connor and Felix are to actually see the lizard so early upon entering the expo, and while it’s actually out in the enclosure, instead of hiding. Then Felix asks question after question about the behavior habits of the Gila Monster. Connor then starts to tune Felix out. He likes to think he’s lovingly tuning him out, if such a thing can be done. He adores Felix’s passion, and loves hearing him speak about what he’s interested in, but Connor really isn’t feeling his best, and it seems the handler has the conversation…well, for lack of a better word, handled.

After some time, they finally walk away from that particular enclosure. Felix is talking excitedly about the Gila Monster, gesturing wildly, talking a mile a minute, and is practically bouncing. He’s being… very Felix. Connor’s head is splitting, his teeth hurting, his body feeling extremely hot and cold at the same time, but he can’t look at Felix with anything but fondness in his eyes.

“I’m glad you got to see it,” Connor says, wiping his nose with his tissue.

“God, me too,” Felix says, then frowns slightly. “But I do wish it weren’t so loud. I know the vendors are doing their best to reduce the stress of the animals…but imagine how uncomfortable they must be.”

Connor doesn’t have to imagine because he, himself, is feeling quite uncomfortable already. Instead of expressing this, though, he decides to smile sympathetically. “Yeah… I wish it were possible to force everyone to whisper, and like, I don’t know… tiptoe or something,” Connor says letting out a light laugh before sobering. “I’m sorry it’s not perfect, sweetie. I know the safety and comfort of the animals are important to you.”

Felix sighs. “I mean, I guess it’s not possible to put on one of these things and have it be one hundred percent ethical, you know? I mean, there’s always going to be a slight exploitive element to it. They do, after all, want to attract a crowd of people.”

Connor nods, frowning. “I’d take you to the Gila Monster’s natural habitat if I could. Well, okay maybe not. Because I definitely didn’t miss all that talk about how venomous they are.”

This makes Felix laugh. “They are venomous, but not likely to bite unless provoked. They’re super hard to spot in the wild, anyway. So, it’s really kind of crazy that we can see one at all.” They’ve stopped walking to stand in another line. Felix looks up at Connor with a palpable warmth. “Thank you for bringing me here. It’s not one hundred percent perfect, no, but I think, ultimately the benefits outweigh the harm here. Since, they are so focused on adopting out the animals and educating people about how to care for them properly. And they’re giving the reptiles breaks, which I really love,” Felix finishes.

Connor sneezes again into his very well-used tissue before stuffing it into his pockets. He looks at Felix’s expression and rolls his eyes. “Okay, new rule — you have to stop making that face every time I sneeze. Sneezes are going to inevitably happen, and I can’t stand seeing you so… concerned every single time,” he says, keeping his tone light.

Felix huffs. “I can’t help it,” he whines. “I swear, every time you sneeze, they're all saying ‘Felix is a jerk! Felix is a jerk’!”

Connor laughs, before turning away to cough in the crook of his arm. “Is that what they’re saying?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

Felix nods emphatically. “Yes. Your poor, tired body is trying to send a very clear message — that you’re sick and need rest, and here I am dragging you around a crowded convention center.”

“You’re not dragging me anywhere. And I think you’re reading way too much into my sneezes, sweetie. I mean, they’re… sneezes. My nose is irritated, so I’m sneezing. That’s all there is to it.”

Felix just shakes his head, looking off into the distance, with an exaggerated forlornness. “No. They’re personal affronts against me. And, honestly, I deserve it. You know what — keep sneezing, actually. It serves me right. It’s my punishment for having you out here.”

Connor laughs again before, of course, coughing. “If my sneezes are yelling at anyone, it’s me. So… just stop being so ridiculous and let’s look at this lizard, or whatever it is.”

“Oh, babe, this one is a Uromastyx,” Felix says, eagerly, back to his normal bouncy, smiling self.

“Ah,” Connor says, nodding. “AKA — the lizard who was more interesting than my book signing. I remember.”

Felix just laughs as he moves closer to the booth to talk to the handler. ———

An hour and a half and dozens of sneezes later, Connor finds himself standing in a daze, trying to resist the constant urge to shiver. It’s an odd sensation because he’s also burning up. The facility is kept at a high temperature for the sake of the reptiles, and there’s heat lamps everywhere. He feels sweat trickling down the back of his neck, and just hopes Felix doesn’t notice these signs of discomfort. Connor, typically, can run three hours on the treadmill easily — and he does so several times a week. The way his body feels right now is exactly like how it feels after his three mile runs, and mostly all he’s done today is stand. When does have to walk, it’s at a very leisurely pace due to Felix’s much shorter legs not being able to take the same strides as Connor’s.

He rubs his temples and tries to focus on what’s happening. They’re … looking at a bunch of snakes. They look … well, they look like snakes. But Felix’s eyes are wide and he’s grinning and pointing them out to Connor, as though Connor is not already extremely aware of the close proximity he is to the snakes.

“That one’s so pretty,” Felix says, pointing at one of the brown, spotted snakes. “It’s a ball python. I thought about getting one before I got Reggie, but then I saw Reggie at the pet store and just knew he was meant to be my little snake son.” Felix pauses, as his excited smile is replaced by a frown. “I wish I would have thought about adopting a snake. I hadn’t even considered it.”

Connor smiles softly, squeezing Felix’s hand. “It’s not like there’s reptile shelters around everywhere like dog and cat shelters. And I’m sure Reggie is in his gigantic terrarium right now — with all his fancy branches and automatic misting system — thinking about how profoundly lucky he is. So, I wouldn’t feel bad at all, sweetheart.”

Felix sighs. “I mean, I guess, but — oh, look! You can get pictures.” Felix is already walking off to some kind of photo booth.

Connor pulls out his last tissue and presses it firmly over his mouth and nose in preparation for what feels like a pretty intense sneeze. His body makes him work for it, though. But, finally, after what feels like a minute of his chest heaving and breath hitching, he snaps forward into his tissue.

“HAAAH AhhhhHHHH HAH-AT’CHHUUUUH!”

It is a loud, piercing sneeze, and several people turn to look at him. A few people bless him, and he meekly gives his thanks. He grimaces when he sees the sneeze had been so strong, it had blown a hole into his last tissue. He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing, before catching up to Felix.

Felix is excitedly engaged in a conversation with one of the snake handlers.

“Connor!” Felix exclaims when Connor comes near. “Take a picture!” he demands, as the handler drapes the python over Felix’s arm. Connor stares, unable to keep his face twisting in repulsion as the snake curls around it.

Felix, though, is holding up his snake covered arm and smiling. Connor sighs, then brings up his phone’s camera. Felix uses the hand not currently being occupied by a snake to throw up a peace sign. Connor snaps the picture, then feels his face soften as he looks at Felix’s positively beaming smile. Connor, for the thousandth time since returning to town, finds himself wondering how he was ever stupid enough to walk away from Felix — from someone who’s so full of life and enthusiasm it’s almost ridiculous.

His moment lost in adoration is short lived though.

“All right, babe, now your turn,” Felix says with a wicked grin.

Before Connor knows it, the handler is already gesturing for Connor to hold out his hands for hand sanitizer — which seems to be an expectation for all guests to use before and after handling any reptiles.

Connor doesn’t even put up any resistance because he knows, through past experience, that he’ll inevitably give in as soon as Felix so much as pouts. So he sighs and tries not to look as the snake curls around his own arm.

Felix pulls out his phone. “Okay, so I’m going to need you to look a lot less terrified,” he says lowering his phone, sounding disappointed.

Connor rolls his eyes, but holds his snake-clad arm up much as Felix had done, and contorts his face into something he hopes resembles a smile, but then the expression entirely falters because he has to sneeze and he has to sneeze now.

He swings his left arm up as fast as he can to cover his face.

“AHHH-P’TshoooOOOO!”

His sneezes have been so loud since coming to this expo, and this one is no different. The snake on his right arm tightened its grip during the sneeze. Connor frowns down at the creature, which is looking at Connor with an expression of sheer disdain — if snakes can wear such expressions, which, looking at this snake now, Connor’s sure they can.

Connor then wears his own expression of disdain as he feels a dampness trickling along his arm. He closes his eyes and groans.

Connor, arm held out with the still curled up snake that’s now leaking, turns to address the handler. “Hi, um, I’m sorry, but I think maybe I startled this python here and he seems to have had…an accident. On my arm. So, if you could just please —”

The handler winces, apologetically. “Sorry about that. It happens more than you would think. It looks like he just got your arm, though, so that’s good. It’ll be easy to wash right off.”

The handler carefully removes the snake from Connor’s arm. Connor glances at Felix who looks to be biting the inside of his cheek in an attempt to hold back a smile.

Connor blinks and forces his mouth to form a tight line to show how serious this situation is. “Felix, this is not funny.”

Felix clears his throat. “Of course not. I would never laugh at such an unfortunate situation. I mean, there is nothing funny about getting peed on by a snake. Nothing at all.” Felix’s composure breaks as a laugh slips out that he quickly attempts to disguise as a cough. “Oh, no, excuse me. I seem to be developing a bit of a cough,” Felix says, but he's grinning ear to ear.

Connor rolls his eyes and tries to fight back his own smile, but Felix’s “cough” seems to summon Connor’s own, very real, coughs. He brings up his arm — the one not currently wet — and begins hacking. He hates to view what he’s doing as hacking, but that’s what’s happening. The sound is deep and wet, so he turns away from everyone so as not to have to face anyone’s looks of disgust.

He starts walking away from the area, not sure where he’s going, but sure he needs to get away from everyone who just saw his unfortunate and egregious display of illness. Suddenly, though, an arm is wrapped around his lower back. Connor looks down to see Felix staring at him, eyes full of concern.

“That didn’t sound good, babe,” Felix says, softly.

Connor closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. “It didn’t feel so good either,” he admits. He remembers his promise to Felix and has to fight against his very nature as he says “I’m thinking we should maybe head out soon. Um, I guess…” He clears his throat. “I’m feeling….”

Felix nods, giving him a knowing look. “Like shit?”

Connor laughs, then coughs. “Definitely along those lines.”

“Feeling like shit when you’re covered in piss is never good,” Felix says with a smirk.

“Oh, god,” Connor groans. “I forgot about the… about the snake urinating on me. Felix — this is yet another reason why you need to stop liking snakes right now.”

“Yeah, yeah, snakes are legless little evil monsters sent from Hell, I know. But listen, you should, uh… go to the restroom and wash that off. While you do that, I’m going to go look at the tarantulas. Then we can leave, okay?”

“What do you mean, tarantulas?” Connor asks, horrified. “Tarantulas? Those are not… Those aren’t even reptiles. Heh! Crap, I have to sneeze T’CHOOO! AHH-TCHOOO!”

“Oooh, bless you,” Felix says, frowning. He digs into his pockets and hands Connor several tissues.

Connor stares at the tissues a moment before taking them. “You — you thought to bring these with you?”

Felix rolls his eyes dramatically. “Of course I did, Connor. Something told me you wouldn’t think to bring enough. And good thinking on my part, really.”

Connor blows his nose carefully, trying to keep the volume as low as he can, but it’s still noticeable. “So, uh, tarantulas?” Connor asks, tissue still pressed over his nose, muffling his voice.

Felix’s eyes light up, and Connor’s heart sinks. “I’ve decided to get into arachnids,” Felix says, as though the statement were as commonplace as someone saying they’re getting into knitting. “I’ve listened to a few audiobooks about them recently after seeing a documentary about them on YouTube. And it looks like they have Mexican Redknees here, which I’ve looked a lot into and they’re really fascinating.”

Connor stares at him for a long moment, then blinks. “But - but, you’re already into reptiles, Felix. How can - why….” Connor gives up and shakes his head. “There should be a law somewhere that says someone can only be interested in one scary thing. Snakes and spiders? Felix, I swear, you’re literally going to be the death of me and —” His breath starts to hitch and all he can do is wave his hand frantically in front of his face until he’s snapping forward into his tissues with an especially violent, wrenching sneeze.

“HURRR’SHEEWWW!”

Connor leans back, eyes closed, resting his head against the wall. He rubs the center of his forehead, trying to soothe the intense ache from the sneeze. Even with his eyes closed, he feels lightheaded.

“That… That sounded rough, babe,” Felix murmurs softly from beside him.

Connor opens his eyes and sighs. “Yeah,” he says, not having the energy for anything else.

“Go clean up your arm, okay? Find me when you’re done? Then we’ll finally head home.” Connor just smiles in affirmation, then Felix walks off. _____

After leaving the bathroom, Connor is concerned by how weak his entire body feels. No, “concerned” isn’t quite right, he realizes. He’s scared. Something’s very wrong. His knees have a slight tremble and his heart is racing. He desperately needs to get to the car and sit down — that’ll fix everything. He needs to find Felix, though, first. He remembers, with no small amount of displeasure, that Felix mentioned heading over to the tarantula booth.

Small spots are beginning to cloud his vision. There’s not a lot of them… but Connor is aware there probably really shouldn’t be any, so some alarm bells are definitely starting to ring in his head. He stops at some kind of weird lizard display that looks like all the other weird lizard displays spread throughout the expo hall. There’s no people at this particular one, so he grasps onto the table as he tries to steady his heartbeat. Why is it beating so fast? he wonders, panic starting to grip him.

He’s taking deep breaths with his eyes closed when he’s interrupted by a voice.

“Sir, are you all right?”

Connor slowly opens his eyes, then regrets it, as he feels his nausea build. He plasters on a smile.

“Oh, yes, excuse me, sorry. I think maybe I just started to get slightly overheated, but I’m much better now.”

The man does not appear at all convinced. “Are you sure about that? You’re uh… pretty pale. I have some water. Here take it,” the man says, holding out a bottle of water. Connor can see the droplets of condensation on it and it looks so good. His body is practically screaming at him to take the water.

“Oh, no, I’m fine now. But thank you,” he says, smiling weakly as he leaves the booth.

What the fuck is wrong with you? It was just water. Water that you NEED.

Connor doesn’t have the time or strength for his self-deprecating thoughts so he pushes them aside as he goes to find Felix.

Felix is sitting down in a metal foldout chair, wearing a beaming smile, as a large tarantula crawls all over his arm. Connor, already feeling nauseous, has to look away from the furry, eight-legged creature for a moment. Finally, though, after finding his composure, he meets Felix’s gaze, and makes his way on shaky legs to the open chair next to Felix and practically falls into it.

“Connor, meet Edna,” Felix says, holding the horrifying creature out to Connor. “She was abandoned by her last owner because his kid was too scared of it,” he says with a clear tone of judgment. “Anyway, it’s okay because she’s going to be my new baby now. Aren’t you Edna?” Felix coos — actually coos — to the little monster in his hand.

Connor, feeling slightly better now that he’s off his feet, has barely enough awareness to realize what Felix is saying.

“Felix — you’re not… You’re not saying…”

Felix smiles and gestures to the handler, as the tarantula sits, seemingly content, in his hands. “I am saying! Becky, here, says the adoption process is really simple and after I showed her all the audiobooks on my phone about this exact species of tarantula — and my pictures of Reggie all happy and chilling in his terrarium — she says I can adopt him!”

Felix sounds so excited, so Connor resists the natural impulse to grimace and offers a very slight smile. “Okay, sweetheart. It sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”

While Felix and Connor have been talking, Becky — the handler, apparently — has been occupied with a few children eagerly asking questions. If Felix is going to adopt this thing, Connor wishes Becky would come back and deal with the process quickly so they can get out of here.

“Connor — are you okay?” asks Felix, his eyebrows knitted, his voice much more serious sounding than before. “I mean, you’re just going to accept my new tarantula that easily? You put up more of a fight when I got Reggie and you literally drove me to the reptile store to get him.” Felix’s brows furrow deeply. “Shit, Connor, you’re really pale and you're sweating —”

Felix stops talking as his gaze lowers and he, presumably, comes to the same realization that Connor is also now now coming to.

The tarantula is no longer on Felix’s lap.

“Fuck! Edna!” Felix shouts, as he lowers himself to the ground to pick up the tarantula that had somehow maneuvered itself down to the floor without anyone noticing.

Connor feels his nostrils flare and breath hitch. He waves a hand quickly in front of his face in a desperate attempt to fend off a sneeze, but it’s useless. He gives in, hoping to at least muffle the volume by tightly pressing his arm against his nose.

“AHHHHH-TCHOOOOOOOOO!”

Of course, this sneeze is by far his loudest of the day, and it has him seeing stars.

Edna, yet another animal falling victim to the intensity of Connor’s sneezes, scurries away faster than Connor would have imagined possible.

Connor watches as Felix tries to catch her, but she’s darting around all over the place, clearly scared. Connor knows he should get up, but those spots from before are back and they’ve recruited some of their little spot friends — his vision is full of them. He’s aware of some children screaming — some adults, too. A distant part of him is aware that multiple handlers are addressing the situation by… saying things, something about staying calm and still, not to move and … other things.

But, Connor is facing a thought somehow more terrifying than a tarantula on the loose.

He’s going to pass out.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

He tries to blink away the dark wave of spots as he makes a decision.

He simply will not allow that to happen. He will not pass out. He refuses to stoop to Ben’s, of all peoples, level. And, most importantly, he made a promise to Felix that the one thing he wouldn’t do would be to pass out.

So, it simply can’t happen.

He stands up, only semi-aware of the screams and chaos unfolding around him. His one and only goal in life has suddenly become making it outside to the car. He’s sure he’ll be fine once he’s outside. It’s just so damn hot in this stupid reptile hell he’s found himself stuck in, and he knows he has a fever — he’s known the whole time. He stupidly forgot to take any ibuprofen before he left the car and was too embarrassed to confess to Felix how much he needed it, so he refused to go back out to get any.

He just needs to get outside.

He’s breathing quickly as his heart pounds. His field of vision is entirely full of splotches, keeping him from seeing anything. But, still, he keeps walking, his brain growing more fuzzy, his legs weaker, until he’s jarred to a stop by what Connor can only assume is a wall.

He gives up on trying to find an exit, and is instead met with the very pressing need to sit down. So, he slides down the wall and holds his head between his knees. Every part of him is trembling and sweat is pouring off of him. There’s a roaring in his ears that’s keeping him from hearing anything, but his thoughts are still loud and clear.

Felix is going to be so pissed at you! Why didn’t you leave earlier? Now you’re going to fucking DIE here surrounded by tarantulas and Gila Monsters and SNAKES and —

Then a voice breaks through the very thick haze he is stuck in — a familiar voice that Connor adores above all other voices.

“Nope! Absolutely not happening, Connor Hayes. I am NOT letting you break your promise to me! What did I say? No passing out!”

He feels Felix’s hand on his shoulder — or he assumes it’s Felix’s hand since his eyes are still tightly shut. Connor’s whole body is trembling and he doesn’t think he can get any words out so he continues sitting, silently with his head between his knees. He knows he needs to get up — needs to get out of this blazing room.

He hears Felix talking to someone but the words are distorted from the roaring still in his ears. Then Felix is handing him an ice cold bottle of water. Connor’s hand is shaking too much to take it. So Felix holds the bottle up to Connor’s lips. Having, for the moment, lost all reservations about appearing weak, he allows himself to take gentle sips as Felix keeps bottle held against Connor’s lips. He feels some of it sliding down his chin, but his vision seems to be slowly coming back, so he keeps drinking the water, paying it no mind.

Much to Connor’s disappointment, Felix lowers the bottle of water. Connor weakly tries to grasp at Felix’s wrist to get him to bring the bottle back, but Felix just huffs out a small laugh. “No, baby, I’m sorry — not too much at once.”

Connor thinks it’s ridiculous water is being restricted from him when he needs it. So, he tugs at Felix’s hand again. “No, honey. You’ll get sick. You can have some more later,” Felix murmurs softly. Connor is surprised to hear himself let out a literal whimper.

Felix chuckles and runs his hand through Connor’s hair before pressing a soft kiss on his forehead. Felix’s lips feel nice and cool against Connor’s burning skin and he wants them to stay there forever. “You’re okay. I’m here now, and everything’s all right. We’ve just got to get you cooled down, okay?” Connor just keeps his head back against the wall, eyes still shut, as he tries to even out his breathing.

Felix starts patting his face with cool cloths, and Connor, able to finally open his eyes fully, is relieved his vision is mostly clear. He’s still weaker than he ever has been in his life, but some of his fear is now lessened, especially with Felix still close to him, continuing to pat Connor’s face with the cloth.

He hears talk of someone getting a medic to come, which jolts him to his senses.

He straightens up to the best of his ability, along the wall, breathing out slowly. “No medic,” he manages to say, his voice raspy and faint. “I just — I got overheated. I’m fine now. I just need to get some fresh air,” he says, already beginning to stand up.

“Whoa, babe, take it easy,” Felix says as Connor grasps his arm as he stands up. Connor loves Felix, but Felix’s small stature isn’t going to do much to support him, so Connor allows himself to lean against the wall as he still clings to Felix’s arm. Connor’s legs are not thrilled with having to hold up his way again. He’s shaking like a leaf, and tries not to feel embarrassed by the crowd of people surrounding him.

It’s only now Connor realizes there’s a tarantula in Felix’s other hand. Connor’s eyes widen as he sees the docile creature in its carrier, all eyes watching Connor as though Connor is there for its personal entertainment.

Felix notices where Connor’s gaze has gone to, then smiles, holding up the carrier. “It’s Edna! I managed to catch her, but then I saw you over here, and … well, you know.”

“Sir, are you sure you don’t want us to get medical services? You’re looking better, but it may be safer to get you checked out,” a woman in front of him is saying.

Connor shakes his head, regrets it as the gesture causes more nausea in his stomach to rise, but he manages a smile. “No, no. I’m better now. I guess I just needed some water, and to cool off. I’m going to head outside now. Thank you so much though,” he says, as his eyes search for the exit.

The woman nods. “Okay, sir, if you’re sure. This does happen sometimes, I’m afraid. We have to keep the building well-heated for all the animals, and it can be too much for some people,” she explains.

Connor smiles again. “That makes sense. I’m sorry for all the trouble. I’m just going to head out to the car now. Thank you for all your help,” he says, beginning to walk toward the exit, brain still fuzzy and legs still shaky.

Connor is walking with his arm around Felix’s waist until he’s stopped by someone. Connor realizes it’s Becky — one of the tarantula handlers.

“I know there’s been a lot of, uh, excitement,” she says, looking quite stressed out, which Connor figures is fitting given all that’s transpired in the last ten minutes. “But, if you would like to continue with the adoption process, I can get you over there,” she says pointing at a table.

Felix’s mouth drops open. “What? I mean, oh my god, you’re still going to let me adopt her?” Felix asks, astonished.

Becky gives a nervous smile. “Well, yes. Edna getting away was really on me, since I wasn’t paying attention,” she says face blushing, eyes darting around as though she’ll be overheard. “But the way you reacted was impressive. If it weren’t for you, I’m not sure we’d have gotten her back to us safe,” she says, expression serious.

Felix is also frowning as he looks at the tarantula, as though the thought of Edna’s almost-doom is too much for him to think about.

Connor’s body is becoming wracked again with shivers even though he’s burning up. There are still several people seemingly frozen in place, eyes on him, as he struggles to stay upright. He needs out of this fucking building right now.

‘Hey, sweetie,” Connor says, wincing, as a new wave of nausea tugs at him. “I just… I need to get to the car okay. Just meet me out there when you're done, all right?”

Felix gasps. “Oh my god, of course! I’m sorry. Let’s just go. I don’t even need to get the tarantula,” he says, but he’s already back to looking forlornly at the creature.

Connor, despite feeling one step away from death’s door, smiles. “No, you do need her, I’m afraid. And she needs you, I think. So just do it. Meanwhile, though, I’m going to be in the car.”

“Okay, well, at some point, Connor, you’re going to have to stop being so stupid. I’m not letting you walk back to that car without me.” He turns to Becky. “Becky, I’m going to make sure my stupid boyfriend gets back to the car without collapsing, but I’ll be right back for the paperwork, okay?”

“That’s perfectly fine,” Becky says. “I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw how pale you were,” Becky says, addressing Connor this time. “And with all that sneezing and coughing you’ve been doing… Well, it’s no wonder. It was just a matter of time before you dropped —”

“All right,” Felix says, putting on a fake smile. “If you don’t mind, I’ll go ahead and get him taken care of,” Felix says, using the arm still around Connor’s waist to rub his back in soothing circles. Connor is grateful for the interruption. At this point, passing out seems a better option than watching all these people staring at him, and hearing about how his coughs and sneezes have been apparently audible to everyone during this whole event. He wants out.

They walk slowly, as Connor’s legs are still protesting any movement. They finally manage to make it out through the exit.

They’re immediately hit with a strong, cold wind. Connor coughs as the sharp wind hits his lungs, but he feels so much less lightheaded and shaky now that he’s out of the heat. Felix’s body, though, has a different reaction to the cold.

“Heh-mkt! Heh-nkt! Heh-nkt!”

Connor watches Felix’s head bob three quick times in a row as he stifles three consecutive sneezes almost silently.

“Not getting sick are you?” Connor asks, not overly concerned, though, because Felix does tend to sneeze after a drastic change in temperature. Connor's own nose is starting to run fiercely, but he's thankful the constant tickle he's been dealing with finally seems to be receding now that he's out of that building.

“Nope,” Felix says, but he still has a finger held out and his breath hitches once more before his head bobs down, then back up again. “Okay, all done. You know how my nose is,” he says, rubbing it, while sniffling vigorously.

They start walking to the car, and Connor goes to open the driver’s side door, but before he can touch the handle, Felix grasps his hand.

“Connor,” he states. “You almost passed —”

“ I didn’t almost anything,” he interrupts, sharply. But he looks at Felix and sees the hurt in his eyes and immediately takes a step back from the door. “Okay. Okay. I — I almost I.” He pauses as everything finally catches up to him. “I almost fucking passed out, Felix. Oh my god,” he says as he fully realizes that he’d been slumped on the floor in a very public place, incoherent, and sweating profusely for all to see.

Felix laughs lightly. “I mean it was only almost,” Felix says with a shrug of his shoulders. “So, I suppose, technically, you didn’t break your promise.”

Connor still stands, staring at Felix wide-eyed. “Felix, oh my god. That was so fucking… mortifying,” he says, his face in his hands.

Felix laughs, but gently guides him to the passenger side of the car. Connor gladly opens the door and settles into the seat, immediately letting his eyes finally shut.

“I’m going to recline you back, okay?” Felix says, and before Connor can respond, Felix gently pulls up the lever of Connor’s seat to lean Connor back. All he can think about is how blissful it feels to be able to lie down — even if it’s only somewhat.

He feels Felix’s hand back on his forehead, then his cheeks. “God, I am so sorry, Connor. I knew you were too sick to walk around like that, but I just had to look at the stupid fucking tarantulas. You told me you needed to leave. And — god that must have been so hard for you. And I responded to your honestly by being all ‘but let me look at the spiders first!’ Fuck, Connor, I am so sorry,” Felix says, sounding pained.

Connor, still leaned back with his eyes closed, fumbles his hand around until he finally finds Felix’s. He gives it a squeeze. “Sweetheart, now it’s your turn to stop being stupid. Seeing you today, god… You don’t even know how mesmerizing you are,” he mutters, relishing too much in the comfort of finally resting his eyes to even consider opening them. He squeezes Felix’s hand harder. “It was worth it. Every second. Even the almost dying in front of everyone part,” he says, smiling sleepily.

He hears Felix laugh, but it’s not his normal, light laugh. Connor’s way too tired to deal with any emotions right now — Felix’s or his own. So he just says “Go get your new furry friend, sweetie. I need a nap,” before shifting to a slightly lower position in his seat. He feels Felix running a hand through his hair again and kissing his forehead.

“No more being stoic, baby. I’m done playing that game. When we get home, I’m going to take care of you so hard,” he murmurs, his hand still in Connor’s hair.

Connor’s much too exhausted, his defenses much too low, for him to pretend that doesn’t sound absolutely wonderful.

Part 8

#snz #snz kink #snzblr

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