#He's usually in far cry 5 but recently I found a way to shove him into genshin

[rowavolo]

two things! first, shout out to you and your blog(s) for making me feel better about my adoration for silly pixels. second, would you be open to talking about your s/is? it's alright if you don't and forgive me if you already have, but i'm curious. whatever the case, thank you for being here and have a lovely day <3

Ahhh I'm so glad you feel that way!!!! Silly pixel adoration is the absolute best!!!!!!

I!!! Absolutely would, I love my s/is, I've worked so hard on them and they have some crazy lore stuff going on. I have a whole bunch for different fandoms (there's like three and a half for genshin alone), so um! Feel free to ask me about any s/is - I may post a lil preliminary infodump about them at some point too :3

[trollishly]

Valkyrie Pt. 5 • Ivar X Reader

A girl shows up bloody and beaten to Kattegat. The Queen and her sons take an interest in the girl, especially Ivar.

Warnings: Gore, Swearing, Mentions of sex, Angst, Anything you'd expect from Vikings

The harsh chilled wind of Kattegate’s forest whipped the the thick furs that laid upon her shoulders. The forest seemed to be alive, as the trees whined and creaked as the gusts only became stronger. Her breathing became heavier as she quickened her pace towards her desired destination, ambitious for what she seeked.

Her eyes light up as they finally fell upon the individual, though she couldn't help but shiver as her feet finally met the front of their seated position. 

“The Queen...“ Slightly bowed the being, words slurring from their twisted lips. “Ancient One,” Quipped Aslaug as she tucked her gown to kneel before him, “you know why I am here, we’ve spoken of this matter before.“ Rushed the Queen in a desperate manner. The Seer let an exasperated grunt, his grotesque tongue running along his lips in thought. “The girl from your vision, you speak of her, you’ve spoken to her.” Hummed the cloak individual, while Aslaug only nodded hoping for him to continue.  

"Well what is it that is troubling you my Queen?" Aslaug rolled her eyes slightly, "I wish to know if my visions are once again correct, or am I mistaken and she is actually a threat to my kingdom?"

"You ask difficult questions, always questioning." He grinned, "However, I shall give you comfort by saying that what you see, is in fact true my Queen." Aslaug let out a breath of relief she hadn't known she was holding, refraining from smiling, which she found herself doing more often as of late. "The gods have blessed us with a great gift..." Croaked the Seer, "A Valkyrie." Spoke the two in unison.

•••

Soft knocks echoed throughout the quaint room, and with nobody acknowledging it, a hush voice followed. "I'm coming in." Spoke Ubbe as he push the door open which dragged along the uneven floor.

There laid Frode, in bed and struggling to inhale evenly. His glazed over eyes drifting to look at the intruder. Ubbe watched as the boy clench his hand firmer around the one that laid upon his, the hand belonging to non other than his sister.

Y/n was slouched against Frode's bed, half her weight on her knees and the other on the edge of the bed. She looked as if she hadn't slept for days, which was half of the truth. If it weren't for Y/n's recent episodes of passing out, she would've been up like usual, her sleep schedule being far from healthy.

"Is she asleep?" Asked Ubbe, stepping further into the room. Frode tried to speak in denial, however, he found himself unable to speak, his voice caught in his throat as another fit of coughs erupted from him. With Frode at a loss, he was not able to warn Ubbe as he reached out to shake his sister awake. Y/n flinched harshly from his touch, rolling away from him and onto her feet. They both stood still, however, Y/n seemed to be on guard due to his presence. Ubbe tilted his head, trying to catch the girl's gaze, but she seemingly refused, not wanting him to see her at her weakest, as her eyes were red and puffy from her night's worth of crying over her brother.

"Sorry to disturb, but my mother asked me to invite you to come eat with us." Ubbe simply said, "I would of sent a thrall, but it seems you've scared them all half to death." Chuckled the man as he refrained from coming any closer.

"No, but thank you." Replied Y/n, turning to tend to her little brother once more. Frode quickly grasped his sister wrist and pulled a pleading face at her. "Y/n, you were never one to deny food, please go. I promise I will be fine." Comforted Frode as he begun to push Y/n away. "You need fresh air, you shouldn't be near me. I am not well," he paused briefly by taking a breath as he tried not to cough, "with you still being injured, it could become deadly if you were to stay near me and get sick." Finished the boy, relieved to see that his persuasion was beginning to work as his sister's frown lessened.

"He'll be fed and watched yes?" Questioned Y/n as she turned to face Ubbe. He nodded reassuring her, "A thrall will tend to your brother's every need."

Y/n began to debate in her head, not for long though, as her thoughts were interrupted by a loud growl that came from her stomach. "Okay." Agreed Y/n begrudgingly, as she came to pushed the hair from Frode's face before leaving the room with Ubbe following closely behind.

•••

"Uh- pardon?" Stuttered Ubbe shaking himself from his trance. Y/n spoke up and repeated herself, "I said, the Queen is very generous. All of you are, you could have left my brother and I to die." Expressed Y/n as she kept her head facing fowards as she walked alongside the prince.

Ubbe blinked down at the girl, inspecting her appearance, which he did more often than he'd like to admit, especially in the little time he was in her presence. "You should thank the Queen, yourself." He said, looking away when he caught himself staring. "She knows something we don't- a-and I trust her enough to follow her blindly. Not only because she is my mother, but because I believe she is fit as ruler." Spoke Ubbe, his tone indicating he said more than what he intended to.

Y/n's forehead creased slightly at the mention of his mother's knowledge of the unknown, but let him be, by keeping silent as they finally made it to the hall.

Bickering could be heard from a table of cluttering cutlery, a whine drawing the attention of Y/n. "Mother. Tell them to stop tormenting me." Mischievously spoke, who Y/n now knew as Ivar, as he held a hand of a thrall, who sat rigid beside him. His head was lolled to the side as he looked pleadingly towards his mother with a pout.

Ubbe walked ahead of the girl, a snort coming from him due to his little brother's banter. This causing everyone's eyes to not only land on Ubbe, but Y/n as well. Ubbe eyed a seat from across the room, rounding the table and sitting besides Hvitserk, who's eyes kept flickering between Ivar and Y/n curiously, as he continued to shove food into his mouth.

At the speed of which Thor would strike his hammer, Ivar shuffled in his seat, removing Margrethe's hand from his lips and dismissing her with just a wave of his arm. Y/n stood quietly, unsure with what to do with herself, before realizing something that could have been crucial.

"My Queen." Announced Y/n as she bowed her head in respect, looking at her through the thick of her lashes. "Morning Y/n. I am pleased to see that you've joined us once more. Please, take a seat beside me." She said, gesturing to a spot in between herself and Sigurd. As Y/n approached, the Queen gave Margrethe a narrowed side glance, "Get our guest a chair." She stated firmly, causing the thrall to panick as she left her spot beside Ivar and walking towards the nearest chair. Both her and Y/n reached for the chair, clutching it at the same time.

"Please, there is no need." Y/n said gently, lifting the chair from Margrethe's grasp and placing it in its spot. The slave just stepped back and scanned Y/n's form before looking away in a submissive manner.

As Y/n took a seat, the Queen continued their discussion before Ivar had been interrupted. "Now Ubbe, when will you have children?" Asked the Aslaug as she gestured to him with a napkin in hand. He grinned, "I probably already have!" He joked causing the others boys to break out in laughter as he pick at his food to throw it towards his mother. "No I'm serious, each and everyone of you should have a woman by now, even married." Spoke the Queen genuinely, as she looked to each of her boys. All of them eyed each other before shrugging without a care and focusing back onto their food. The Queen pinched the bridge of her nose as she shook her head, turning to face her attention to Y/n.

"It seems my boys are far too immature to have a wife, let alone children, don't you think Y/n?" Smiled Aslaug at the girl, which made the boys pause in their gluttony. Y/n found herself a little caught off guard, as she was never the one to get romantically involve, spending most of her time training or raising her brother.

"I don't believe my opinion would have much value my Queen." Began Y/n as she kept her attention solely on Aslaug, "But since they are the King and Queen's children, heirs are expected from them..." Aslaug seemed pleased with Y/n's answer as her lips quirked slightly, "Hmm, and do you have a husband, or lover, for that matter?"

Y/n cringe internally, knowing what Frode would say to the Queen if he had the opportunity. "I don-" However, Aslaug cut her short. "I'm speaking nonsense aren't I? Of course you would. You are a very beautiful young woman, and a shield maiden I assume?" Rambled the Queen which seemed suspiciously intentional. Y/n's mouth was left agape momentarily before she quickly closed it, "Yes, I am a shield maiden my Queen." She said keeping her answer curt.

Hvitserk began giggling cheekily, as he watched the way Ivar strained himself by pressing his palms against the bench. Pushing his torso upwards as he leaned on the table, in hopes of getting a better view of his mother and Y/n as they conversed. Sigurd scowled at his little brother's enamored behavior. Still upset at his earlier possessiveness of Margrethe, especially after she had confided in him the night before.

"As I was saying, you don't need to love the woman to breed with them." Explained the Queen, making Y/n bow down to eat her soup as she try her hardest to block out the conversation; one that she had already deemed as a personal family matter. As Aslaug continued to chatter, Y/n's eyes scan the room as she spooned the food into her mouth, making accidental eye contact with Hvitserk as he copied her actions. He grinned at her as the soup messily dribble down his chin, until an aggressive voice broke his playful staring.

"What is wrong with you?" Quipped Ivar as he now leaned further onto the table staring daggers at Sigurd, "Nothing is wrong with me," spat Sigurd making Hvitserk and Y/n glanced at each other, with Hvitserk widening his eyes at her humorously. "I just wanted to know if she has love anyone except Harbard..." Silence followed making Y/n sit up uncomfortable, "You remember Harbard don't you?" Sigurd continued sparing everyone a glance but his mother.

Ubbe sat stoney still and so did Hvitserk, but Ivar pushed on, with his arms now crossed loosely, "Of course she has loved another," he stated to Sigurd while nodding. "She has always loved me... isn't that right mother?" He urged while smiling at his mother, his eyes briefly catching Y/n's, who was sat just behind Aslaug from his position. However, the Oueen didn't speak and just nodded as she swallowed her drink discreetly.

Y/n's eyebrows raised at Aslaug's reaction, wondering as for why the Queen wasn't being more reassuring to her son, "She just pities you Ivar, just like the rest of us. Y/n probably feels sorry for you too, especially when you look at her with so much desperation." Ivar flinched at Sigurd's words, anger and embarrassment building within him. "and sometimes, we wish mother had left you to the wolves." He smoothly said, as if it weren't something completely vile. Y/n couldn't comprehend how someone could be so cruel, mainly to their family.

"Sigurd!" Demanded the Queen, with Ivar continuing to glare at his brother trying to sort his feelings internally, "What?" Was all he replied with, before resuming his breakfast.

Y/n found herself wanting to put Sigurd in his place, but refrained from doing so as nothing but consequences would come from it. A drag of a chair turn Y/n's attention back to Ivar, as he was now standing tall at the end of the table. This caused Sigurd to haphazardly throw his spoon onto the table, scoffing at Ivar's display.

Ivar began scooting from his seat, supporting his weight briefly on his mother's chair, with her cooing at him to calm his temper. Her attempts went unnoticed as he continued, with his left hand wavering, before it had finally landed on the back of Y/n's chair. Ivar and the girl gazed at each other, with her turning within her seat to make room for the young prince. Ivar was now hesitant, mainly now that he was the closest he had yet been to Y/n, not helping himself as he caught of whiff of her aroma that furthermore attracted him to her. Ivar's forearm gently grazed Y/n's hair as he pulled himself from one chair to another, as he heard Sigurd still taunting him.

"Come on Boneless!" He teased as he stood from his chair now that Ivar was near. Everyone was now standing, Y/n situating herself just behind Ivar. Bowls and utensils fell to the floor as Sigurd pulled a chair from underneath Ivar making him collapse with a painful sounding thud. Y/n reach down to help him, but pause as Hvitserk gestured to her not to from the corner of her eye.

Ivar's frustrated huffs filled the room, his nostrils flaring as he forcefully began to drag himself towards his target. Sigurd's harmful jabs continued, with the Queen now walking up towards Ivar and passing Y/n, who couldn't help but stand and watch how this would play out.

Sigurd seemed to grow tired of this little game, quickly turning and pushing the doors of the hall open, making the bright light bleach the room with a stark white wash, highlighting Ivar's enraged features.

Ivar chased Sigurd out of the room causing a loud scream to rip from his throat, with the Queen attempting to hold him back.

•••

End of part 5.

•••

Notes: Thank you all so much for 50 followers! Had to finish and post part 5 today for you all!

Tags: @youbloodymadgenius, @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog, @midnightmystic

Ask to be tagged!

[azucanela]

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE

PAIRING: SUGAWARA KOUSHI X FEM!READER

REQUEST: if you’re feeling into it a suga fic where they like dated during high school and later get back together after college would be awesome!! maybe fem y/n was manager for karasuno or something and they just broke up bc of distance! and if you don’t want to do this that’s perfectly okay! take care of yourself, you’re an amazing writer!!

WARNINGS: ANGST TO FLUFF. KISSING. MILD TIMESKIP SPOILERS.

WORD COUNT: 1.9k

A/N: i love suga, SUGA SUPREMACY, thank you for the request it was fun to write!

HAIKYUU!! MASTERLIST

HE LOVED HER AND THERE WAS NO DENYING IT, but it wouldn’t be the first time that two people very in love had been forced apart for whatever the circumstances. 

You could see it in the way he forced her onto the inside of the sidewalk— a small thing done in an attempt to keep her safe from possible incoming cars. You could see it in the way Sugawara’s eyes fell on her absently, so encapsulated with her words and the passion in her voice. You could see it in the way he seemed to light up when he saw her in the stands of his volleyball games, even though he likely wouldn’t be playing. 

And oh did Y/N L/N love him as well. Her sad smiles at the mention of his name were evidence enough, and if not, it was the way she frequently asked Daichi and Asahi of his health full well knowing the boy had a tendency to forego taking care of himself when he was so caught up in the well being of others.

Kageyama had observed it early on— or more accurately, Hinata had observed it early on, pointing out to the young setter that his senior was obviously enamored with their second manager. Hinata’s emotional intelligence had always been far ahead of Kageyama’s, although Kageyama had noticed the difference in... treatment between the pair, he had never truly realized they were dating.

But it soon became abundantly clear that they were in fact, together. And Y/N L/N wasn’t just the other manager of the Karasuno Boy’s Volleyball Team, but the girlfriend of Sugawara Koushi.

Which is the main reason why Kageyama had suspected she hated him early on, after all he’d taken her boyfriend’s spot on the starting line up, and he had bluntly pointed this fact out to her by the vending machine one day. Though Y/N had simply laughed it off, bringing a hand to Kageyama’s shoulder and offering him a smile.

Just like Sugawara had. Maybe that’s what made them the perfect pair, Kageyama wasn’t sure. But anyone with a set of eyes could tell they were a disgustingly perfect couple. 

Which is why Kageyama had never imagined they would break up. Nor had anyone in the club really. Even Asahi and Daichi were left in shock as the pair went their separate ways. 

It was supposed to make things easier, leaving. They would both be abandoning everything they ever knew and heading off to college after all, and seeing as they’d both ended up at different colleges... well, how plausible was a long distance relationship? 

It was a mutual break up. That they mutually did not want. 

Not much changed if Y/N is honest, and maybe that’s why she didn’t find herself sobbing in her bed until she actually got to college. It was just a label, but at one point... the change became alarmingly clear to her— the fact that she and Sugawara Koushi were no longer together.

Sugawara felt it in the little things, when he went to message her good morning and remember that... they weren’t together anymore. Did Y/N even want a good morning text? Maybe she was receiving one from someone else now. 

Talking wasn’t awkward, with the silent agreement that if they ever needed someone to talk to, they would always be there. But the change was painful enough to drive them apart in a way that wasn’t just physical. 

It’s not until she’s seeing him again that Y/N is reminded of that very pain once more, though the smile on her face is still very genuine and authentic as she throws her arms around the three boys from her third year. 

Sugawara holds on for a little too long. 

“It’s so good to see you guys! Are we all excited for our boys’ final tournament of their third year?” She exclaimed as she wrapped an arm around Kiyoko.

Daichi ruffles Y/N’s hair as he grins, “of course I’m excited to see them win again.” Comes his reply.

And of course, Asahi finds himself beaming with an albeit nervous smile as he agrees, “definitely! I believe in them.”

“I dunno guys, maybe Hinata will forget to spike again,” Sugawara chimes in, jokingly of course, while Kiyoko nods along with the rest of her friends as she offers them a small smile. Her eyes drifting to the arm that Sugawara throws over Y/N’s shoulder. “It’ll be just like old times!”

Just like old times indeed.

Daichi finds himself giving Asahi a look, that is returned with a look of confusion until he gently shoves him forward, a look of realization washing over his face as he begins to walk faster and Kiyoko says, “why don’t we head on over to our seats guys?” She turns to Y/N and Sugawara, “would you mind getting us some snacks from the vendors?”

The pair exchanges looks momentarily before Y/N offers Kiyoko a smile as she nods, “yeah, of course. Any preferences?”

“The usual!” Daichi replies, waving them off as he drags Asahi away, winking at Sugawara before disappearing around the corner alongside Kiyoko as well. 

Sugawara simply raises a brow, opening his mouth to say something until Y/N’s hand comes to grasp his own— loosely holding the one wrung around her shoulder as she begins to speak of which vendor they should visit.

But the only thing he can focus on is the ring she wears. For a moment, he panics, thinking that someone else has already snatched her away, that he lost the woman he loves.

Until he looks a little closer and recognizes the very promise ring he’d given her in their third year, almost identical to the one he was currently wearing around his neck, attached to a chain he’d purchased shortly into his first year of college. After all, he couldn’t bring himself to take it off either. 

Y/N seems to take note of this, pausing before noticing where his gaze has fallen, her cheeks warming at the realization. “I’ve been meaning to return the ring to you, sorry about that.” She releases his hand with a tight lipped smile, moving to remove the ring, only for Sugawara’s hand to come over hers as he shakes his head.

“Keep it. What would I do with it anyways?” And who else would he give it to?

Y/N pauses, eyes drifting between the ring and Sugawara for a moment before replying, “okay.”  

It’s not that they hadn’t talked at all in the past few years, just that things had changed and now neither of them new where the boundaries were. What could they do? What couldn’t they? Where was the invisible line between friend and former lover? It was a line they danced around in each interaction and today was no different.

Y/N finds herself desperately needing some space as she inhales deeply, perhaps it’s because she’s shocked by how easily he’d wormed his way back into her heart in the five seconds they’d been together now. Or maybe it’s the reminder that nothing had changed, she was still going to college across the country.

It’s not until they’re seated beside each other once more, two years later, that Y/N realizes nothing had changed. 

It’s a party they’d thrown for the New Year, and practically a get together for their teammates, new and old. They pair had managed to get onto professional teams— to no ones surprise. Although the fact that they’d be opposing each other was a surprise. 

Somehow, Y/N and Sugawara had found themselves on the balcony of the home, fresh out of college— which had really been the only thing keeping them apart up until now.

So, something had changed.

“You’re officially a teacher!” Y/N exclaimed, beaming at Sugawara with a smile that he quickly returns, drink in hand. 

He’s leaning against the balcony. eyes drifting towards the lively city as he replies, “kind of. I was lucky to even get hired so soon after graduating.” He takes a sip of his drink, “I just hope next year is better.”

A small laugh escapes Y/N as she downs what is left of her own drink, “me too, Suga.” Their eyes meet, and she can see the way he stiffens at the name, it had been a while since she’d called him by anything other than his first name. Though Y/N disregards this fact as she asks, “so what school are you working at?”

Y/N can see the passion in his eyes as he begins to speak of the school he’ll be working at, nodding along until she realizes, she recognizes the name, mouth gaping open as she asks, “are you serious? I recently got a job at one of the corporations in that area!” She exclaimed. Sugawara is opening his mouth to say something when they suddenly hear the people inside cry out—

10.

“Oh! I didn’t realize it was that time.” Y/N mumbled, looking inside to see their friends— new and old— congregating together around the TV. She wonders how time could’ve passed so quickly, it feels as though she had only ventured out to the balcony a few minutes prior because last Y/N had checked, it was barely 10PM.

9.

Sugawara allows a laugh to escape him as he nods, “time flies by when you’re having fun right?” And Y/N finds herself in shock momentarily, wondering if maybe he’d read her mind.

8.

Y/N turns to him, offering him a small smile as she nods in agreement, “it does. Doesn’t it?” And Sugawara is left feeling breathless, even after all these years, her smile still seems to have that effect on him. 

7.

“I did, have fun. By the way.” Sugawara says, eyes darting between the door of the balcony and Y/N. His words are true, he did have fun, of course Sugawara would never consider lying to Y/N. And even if he did try, Sugawara had a feeling she’d be able to tell. 

6. 

“We should head back inside.” She continues, eyes drifting back towards where their friends are calling out the countdown. Huddled together, Y/N finds herself smiling at the sight of Tanaka’s arm around Kiyoko’s shoulder.

5.

Y/N meets Kiyoko’s eyes momentarily, and the look Kiyoko gives her is one of urgency, one that tells her, “don’t you dare come back here right now.” But Y/N finds herself rolling her eyes as she begins to head back inside. 

4.

Their relationship had been over for years, and yet Kiyoko was still trying to convince her that the boy’s feelings never changed. Though Y/N wouldn’t deny that she would always love Sugawara— and she had no doubt that he still loved her— those feelings were probably purely platonic now. Right?

3.

Right. Y/N shakes off the feeling as she continues inside, until she feels a hand wrap around her wrist, keeping her from carrying on inside and yanking her backwards. Y/N finds herself colliding with Sugawara’s chest with a gasp.

2.

Sugawara’s eyes meet hers, a clear question within them as he wordlessly places his drink on the rim of the balcony. The hand on her wrist still firmly placed there as Y/N nods slowly.

1. 

And suddenly his lips finds hers, Y/N’s arm winding around his neck with her drink still in hand while Sugawara’s hand comes to her waist in an attempt to pull her closer. Almost desperate to be closer to each other as the crowd inside begins screaming and cheering. Y/N frees her other hand from his grasp and brings it to his shirt to tug him even closer while his other hands comes to her cheek.

When they pull away, Sugawara is grinning as he says, “happy new year, babe.”

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction | Catch Him Cheating On You [TW] [Request]

A/N: I’ve made this TW as I know death can be a TW for some people, I also made these involved with cars but not all of them a car accident as I wanted them to be different from one another, I hope that’s okay and this is angsty enough for you my love x

[TW] ~ Mentions of death, car accidents, cheating

Seokjin:

There were always going to be those rumours about your relationship with Jin but you were going to have to get over that. It was the way life was when your relationship was out in the public eye though sometimes it was difficult you trusted Jin with every ounce of your heart and you knew he would never do anything to hurt you or your feelings. The recent rumours flying around were that he was with another girl behind your back and everyone seemed to know about it except for you, there had been many photos of them together but you knew her. She worked for Bighit as one of the stylists and you also knew that she was engaged to another man and she loved him. 

"You busy again today?" You asked as Jin rushed around the bedroom to get ready for his day, he promised to take you out this week but so far it had been cancelled and rearranged more times than you could count.

"Namjoon wants me to work on a couple more songs and then we're done. I'll be all yours, tomorrow babe." He promised, kissing your forehead before leaving the bedroom door. You wanted to be that selfish girlfriend that forced him to stay with you for the day but you knew how important his music was to him so you let him leave and decided to just get on with your day. It was the first day off work you'd had in a couple of weeks so you were going to have a huge clean around the house and then relax for as long as humanly possible. 

You'd cleaned the entire house from top to bottom leaving only the laundry to do, lately, Jin had insisted on doing his own washing but he wasn't there to argue with you today. It wasn't like you were incapable of being able to wash his clothes he just told you he had this weird thing lately where he had to be the one to do it. But now you were starting to understand why you were pulling out loads of little bits and bobs from his pockets and he knew that if he didn't empty his pockets before putting things in the wash you got annoyed at him. You thought it was sweet that he decided to do his own washing to save you get annoyed at him, 

"Such a dork-" Your voice trailed off as you pulled a movie ticket from his jeans pocket. 'The Notebook' You remembered telling Jin that the local cinema was reshowing it this week and hinted that you wanted to go with him but you had no idea he went alone. He always told you he hated romance movies. You continued emptying the jeans you were holding when you found a key in the bottom of it, 

"Apartment 324." You read out what was engraved on the red keychain before a frown settled on your face, you went back to the pocket and pulled out a second movie ticket. You didn't want to be the one to jump to conclusions so you put them back into the pocket and put his washing in a separate basket to your own. You trusted Jin but all of this felt weird and made you anxious at the thought of something funny going on behind your back.

(X) 

It was probably nothing, it had just been nagging you all day and night since you found the key in his pocket. He came home from the studio and you noticed he smelt like a woman, not a big deal he was around women all day at work but when you asked if you were still on for your day together today he told you he was busy once again. Your heart sank as your head started to come up with worst-case scenarios you knew could be true but didn't want to believe them. You'd been together with Jin for years, four years in December why would e just throw all of that away for nothing? You figured you were overreacting but that didn't stop you from following Jin around today. He'd left the house and the moment he was on the move you got into your car and went after him, you just wanted to calm your racing mind down and remind yourself that your boyfriend was one of the sweetest guys ever and that he would never do anything to hurt you. 

"Where are you-" You stopped yourself when you saw him pull into a car park for an apartment building, he got out of his car and began digging around in his pocket before pulling out the key you had found yesterday. 

You waited for him to enter the apartment before going up there, you'd been trying to convince yourself that this could all be explained away, that he could just be looking to buy a new apartment and all of this was just you being dramatic but the woman answering the door confirmed everything you were already thinking. 

"Is Jin here?" Your mouth asked before your brain could even register what you were doing, she looked behind her and Jin came to the door. 

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" You shook your head at him eyes filling to the brim with tears as you realised that he was cheating on you. There were so many things you wanted to say to him but so little time, 

"I think the better question would be what are you doing here?" You managed to finish before the tears rushed down your face, you ran away from the door ignoring him as he called out your name, 

"Y/n! It isn't what it looks like I promise." He said as you got into your car, you started up the engine but he kept his hand on the window so you wouldn't drive off just yet. 

"Let go of the car Jin." You warned him as you put it into reverse looking behind you in the mirror, everything was blurry because of the tears that were welling up in your eyes. 

"No. You can't drive when you're upset, let me explain-"

"Explain what Jin? That you've been sleeping with someone else behind my back, I get it. Why didn't you just come to me? I thought we talked things out." He looked down at you begging you not to drive in the state that you were in but you didn't want to hear him acting like he cared for you when he'd just ripped your heart apart like it meant nothing to him. 

"Just wait!" You pulled out of the parking lot and down into the road, driving away from him as fast as the speed limit would allow you to. You had to get back to your apartment before he did, you had to get out of there and find somewhere else to go before he came home and tried to worm his way back into your life. 

"FUCK!" You screamed as you felt more tears gushing down your face, you stopped at the red light looking around for some tissues. Why didn't you keep tissues in your car?! You threw your head back against the seat trying to calm your heart rate down, it was pumping faster than usual to compensate for the breaking that had just been happening to it. Everything was too much right now and all you wanted to do was pull over and scream about it but you couldn't. The light turned green so you pulled out into the traffic trying to keep your eyes from blurring up again but you couldn't stop yourself from crying, tears were just running down your cheeks so fast that you'd run a red light. The second another car run into you you lost control over the wheel and you spun out of control, it wasn't like it was in the movies. You didn't roll over or into a ditch but people watched in horror as your car ran into the front of a truck that was trying to stop itself from slamming into the front of you and crushing your car instantly. 

(X) 

Jin was talking to the officer who came to tell him about you, he was sitting on the front doorstep waiting for you for hours. Expecting you to have just walked away and come back later but when the police car pulled up he knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" Jin questioned as he sat down on the doorstep again, he begged you not to drive when you were in that state. He begged you and now you were gone.

"It appears Y/n ran through a red light, witnesses say that they tried to stop but couldn't." He ran his hands through his hair wondering why he could have let you just drove off. He should have taken your keys or something, 

"I should have done something." The police officer just said he was sorry before leaving. As if it was his fault you'd ran into coming traffic and not Jin's, Jin sat there staring at the floor when the front door opened to his apartment. 

"Where are they?"

"Y/n died." He mumbled shoving the stylist away from him as he got up from the step, he wanted to clear his head and get away from her. It was his fault that you'd died and he was never going to forgive himself for letting himself cheat on you and throw away the relationship you had together.

Yoongi:

The boys were all away on tour together and you stayed home at your shared apartment that you had with Yoongi to look after Holly and the place itself. You did this every time he went away on tour, you'd go out and see him sometimes whenever you could find someone to look after Holly or you could get the time off work. It was a nice break away together but you knew that Yoongi loved being on tour and alone with the guys to clear his head and come up with new ideas for working on things.

"Come on Holly," You called out to Holly as you pulled on your shoes, it was 5 am which meant it was time for the morning walk and then stopping by the ships to buy you both some breakfast on the way back. You'd gotten into the habit of taking her for a morning walk around the Han River, it would be a waste of where you lived if you didn't. A two-minute walk to the river and then you had that whole place to yourself - along with visitors but it was still a lovely walk none the less.

"Good boy, you're such a good boy." You laughed pulling on his collar and lead as you got to the front door, he jumped up at the framing and you took out the keys from the door.

"Morning Mr Park." You said as you saw your neighbour coming in from his night shift at work, he looked at you before looking away sadly. You frowned, normally he was the type of man to say good morning and have a small conversation with you but he kept his head down and ignored you.

"Okay then," You whispered locking up the front door before heading down the street towards the River, Holly was pulling on his lead trying to get there quicker than intended. He'd loved these walks with you every morning mostly because you never got to do this that often and whenever you could it would be a nice long walk for him.

(X)  

"Hello dear, how are you feeling?" You tried not to frown at the lady that was making you a hot chocolate at the stand, you'd just finished your walk and spotted her kiosk serving fresh hot chocolates and couldn't resist it. You'd never seen her before and yet she was acting as though she was close to you and knew something was wrong,

"I'm fine, thank you." You tried not to sound as though you were questioning her and she sighed at you,

"You're just so brave sweetie, coming out here and just facing the world." You stared at her and then down at the hot chocolate confused by what was going on but then that's when you noticed another person staring at you. They were sitting on the park bench mumbling something to the man next to them, you frowned and looked behind you thinking maybe they were looking at something else but there was no one there.

"Oh my- You haven't seen or heard anything yet have you?" Your heart began to beat 100 times past its normal speed and you looked back to the lady behind the kiosk,

"Seen what?" You questioned but she shook her head and began rambling on about how it wasn't her place to talk about such things. You frowned at her when you heard the familiar sound of cameras clicking together and you knew from that moment it had something to do with Yoongi, your brain went to the worst thinking that'd he'd been in an accident or that he or the boys were injured.

"How are you feeling?!" They all screamed at you trying to talk all at once but it was coming out as a mumble of words you couldn't process anything that was happening.

"Leave them alone! They don't know what's happening," Holly began barking to stop people from getting too close to you but it wasn't doing anything and they kept getting closer to you.

"Y/n?! How did it feel when you saw the video?!" Your headshot over to one of the reporters and they knew instantly that you had no idea what any of them were talking about.

"W-What video?" You stuttered out thinking that maybe Yoongi had accidentally leaked something of you and him together, nothing major just a cute video but then why would there be such a huge deal about that. Everyone knew you were together it was public knowledge, just as they were about to explain the radio began speaking.

"In major media news, Min Yoongi has been seen in a video with a female partner being intimately involved. No one seems to know who this woman is but we can confirm that it is not his partner Y/n Y/l/n." Your world came to a crashing halt and the cameras resumed their flashing trying to capture your exact reaction to the news on camera.

"L-Leave me alone." You begged but they kept getting closer, Holly was jumping and barking out of control until his lead slipped out of your hand,

"Holly!" You screamed forgetting the cameras and everyone watching you, he was more important than anything going on in your life right now.

"Holly!" You cried out trying to get him to come back but he ran straight across the main road and over to a store selling fresh food outside. You went after him without a second thought about it and straight into the oncoming trying to make sure you could get Holly before animal services got to him, a car horn sounded out and you turned to your left. You didn't even have time to scream before it came into contact with your side. The man inside of the car screamed slamming on his breaks as you rolled over the top of his car falling onto the floor.

"Call an ambulance!" You heard someone scream out, you groaned trying to look around by red was clouding your vision,

"Holly." You mumbled to the Kiosk lady who was now kneeling beside you and holding your hand.

"Someone's got him, it's okay." You felt too weak to move your body so you turned to look at the lady, she was covered in blood and what looked like bits of your hair. That was when the pain crashed through your body,

"You're okay, it's going to be okay." She whispered to you.

(X)

It wasn't okay, Yoongi came home as soon as he got the news that you'd been hit by a car.

"The driver tried to stop," The kiosk lady told him, he'd come to the place where you'd died and he asked around about it all. She hated him for causing this all if you hadn't have heard it on the news none of it would have happened. She wasn't alone in blaming him though. He blamed himself for your death as well, if he'd have kept it in his pants and stayed faithful to you none of it would have happened.

"They asked for you when they were lying there." He wiped his cheeks as the lady spoke to him, he had no idea why she was even sticking around. If it was him he wouldn't even give himself the time of day,

"What did they say?" She sighed at him and shook her head,

"It can't be any worse than what I already think-"

"That's the thing. They kept mumbling that they loved you and to tell you that it wasn't your fault." He choked on a sob as soon as he heard her say that. But that was you alright, you never let anyone think something was there fault even if it was. You were a firm believer in thinking that everything happened for a reason but not this, you were so young and you had so much time left he was never going to forgive himself for any of this.

Hoseok:

Hoseok was at the dance studio where he'd been all week, he'd ben spending so much time there you were starting to miss him almost as much as you did when he was away on tour. You knew how much he loved dancing and coming up with new dances but it was getting to be too much. This week was supposed to be his week off since it was your anniversary dinner on Friday but you were guessing that he'd forgotten. You'd woken up Friday morning expecting to see him laying beside you while you woke up but the bed was empty and his dance bag was once again gone.

"I'm sorry Mickey, no daddy today." You sighed as you let Mickey out into the back garden of the shared house you had with Hoseok. Hoseok and you had been together for five years today and yet he was nowhere to be seen, not even a note to tell you that he was busy that day. Maybe it was because you'd been together for so long that the novelty of celebrating anniversaries had worn off but you were disappointed he was nowhere to be seen on your five-year mark. Though you weren't going to hold it against him, he was a busy man with a busy life, you decided to make him some lunch and take it to him. If he was too busy to remember your anniversary the least you could do was make him something to eat and surprise him for the afternoon.

"Mickey breakfast!" You laid the bowl of dog food down onto the floor and began to get food ready for Hoseok's lunch, you were going to make his favourite meal of yours and hopefully have a nice lunch together.

(X)

"Y/n! You're here! Why are you here?!" Jimin asked loudly, louder than he usually was when he saw you coming into the BigHit building. You laughed at him and shook your head, you held up the bag of food you were carrying and he nodded at you waiting for some kind of explanation.

"I brought food for mine and Hobi's anniversary...Five years today." You smiled and Jimin stared at you, he looked lost on what you were talking about.

"Five years together." You repeated but Jimin didn't seem to be registering what you were saying to him as you showed him the food and card you'd brought along with you.

"You can't go in there." He stood in front of the door and kicked it hard, the music that was playing inside cut off and you laughed thinking they were just doing a secret routine you weren't allowed to see.

"Jimin, I can keep a secret. I dated Hosoek for years without anyone knowing." You went to reach for the door handle but he stopped you and that's when you realised what he was trying to do. He was trying to stop you from entering the room, your head filled with dread at what could be going on inside.

"What's the problem Jimin?" You questioned but he shook his head, faking a smile and asking you about what you'd cooked. He was trying to change the subject which meant he was lying, you'd known all of them long enough to know when each of them was lying.

"You want some, maybe we can go and eat if Hobi is busy." You acted as though you were walking away and once Jimin's back left the door you ran for it and opened the door. Hoseok was standing there rushing to get changed along with a smaller woman beside him.

"Y/n!" Jimin screamed but you'd already seen the damage, Hoseok was covered in lipstick marks and hickeys on his neck that you hadn't given to him. You hadn't seen him long enough to even give him a kiss all week so they didn't belong to you.

"Y/n this isn't-"

"What it looks like? Cause to me it looks like you're sleeping with someone on our anniversary and everyone but me seems to know about it." You looked at Jimin who was looking sheepishly at the floor kicking his feet, he was going to look anywhere but at you.

"Oh shit it's our anniversary," He said nonchalantly as if it was no big deal that he was sleeping with somebody else,

"You're unbelievable," You whimpered handing Jimin the food as you run out of the door and down the hallway, this place was like a god damn maze and you hated every square inch of the building. Everyone was turning to look at you because they knew what was happening, all of the boys knew what Hoseok was doing behind your back but none of them thought it was their right to come and tell you,

"Y/n! Wait!" You were out on the streets when Hoseok finally caught up to you panting and begging for you to wait for him to explain his side of the story,

"There are no sides to the story Hoseok! Did you or did you not sleep with that woman?" You asked turning around to face him, he hated that you were being unusually calm about this, it made him feel anxious that you were handling it so well but you weren't. In the inside it felt as though your whole world was coming apart around you, the world being dragged out from under your feet the moment he stared at you.

"I am sleeping with her," You nodded calmly looking around for a taxi to take you back to your house,

"Then where's the side of the story? You cheated on me while I stayed home like the faithful partner I am?" You questioned holding your hand out for a taxi to pull up,

"I just don't want people to know-"

"You don't want me to go running to the tabloids with everything? Do you really think that low of me?" Even you couldn't believe that you were able to keep all of the tears inside of you right now, every second you looked at him was another second you wanted to burst into tears but the adrenaline of everything was stopping them from falling.

"Of course not, I love you-"

"No! No, you don't!" You yelled looking at him and not at the road anymore.

"If you really loved me you would have come to me before sleeping with someone else." You yelled at him finally breaking from under the pressure, people were watching you both as you yelled back and forth.

"Keep your voice down-"

"Why?! Why shouldn't everyone know that you cheated on me? That I'm the one left heartbroken because the man I loved is sleeping with someone else on our anniversary?" You went to walk towards him but ankle twisted causing you to fall back into the road.

"Y/n!" You heard him call out but it was covered by the sound of tires screeching, people yelling and a car horn blaring out.

"You're okay! Y/n! Look at me, look at me." His voice was fading in and out of your hearing as he tried to get you to look at him. You stared up at him, you were laying on the floor with your head on his lap and people surrounding you.

"I'm cold Hobi," You whispered looking at him and he nodded,

"I know but just stay here okay, help is gonna be here any minute and then we can get you to the hospital." You mumbled something trying to shake your head but it felt as though you were stuck in place.

"I want to go home Hobi, I want to go home." You repeated looking at him as he started crying, you couldn't remember anything from the last hour and your head was starting to throb the longer you kept your eyes open.

"I'm tired." You whispered to him as you closed your eyes,

"No baby, you can't go to sleep come on. Eyes open-"

"I didn't even see them, they just backed out onto the road and I didn't- it was an accident." Sirens began coming into your hearing but they were fading in and out as you finally closed your eyes in Hoseok's arms.

(X)

"I should have just told them I was having an affair!" Jimin flinched, he'd never seen Hoseok this mad before and it was terrifying. One of the plastic chairs flew across the room and into the dance mirror shattering it onto the floor as he released some of the anger. You'd died in his arms not remembering anything that had happened when you went to the studios,

"Isn't it a good thing that they didn't remember, they could die happy then." Jimin tried to offer up but nothing was going to make Hoseok feel better about this and why should it? He'd cheated on you if he'd just stayed with you and been the good boyfriend none of it would have happened.

Namjoon:

"It's double date night remember? I told you that we had this tonight." You said to Namjoon when he came out of the bathroom wearing sweatpants and a training shirt,

"I forgot babe. I blanked." You sighed getting up from the dressing table chair, you stretched your hands out to him and he hugged you tightly.

"You look great though." You hummed at him knowing he was just saying it to make you feel better. You were wearing his favourite shirt on you and a pair of black jeans, it was just going to be you, Jimin, and Jisoo at dinner. Namjoon was supposed to be joining you since you were the only two couples of the friendship group but now it seemed like you were going to third wheel all night,

"I might cancel. I don't want to be the third wheel-" Namjoon shook his head quickly insisting that you go and that it would be fun for you to get out without him for a bit.

"But I miss you." You pouted, he chuckled at you and ran his hand over your cheek.

"I miss you too but I'm going to the studio, I have some work to do. By the time you're back from your double date I'll be back I promise." You sighed at him, you knew how hard a worker Namjoon was but it didn't make it easier for you to accept him being gone all hours of the day.

"Alright, fine. I'll just have to drag you on a date with Jisoo and I to make up for it." You teased him and leant up to kiss his lips, he smiled at you and nodded in agreement.

"See you later," You said as you grabbed your phone and bag and headed for the front door, Namjoon watched from the window waving goodbye as you got into your car to go and meet Jimin and Jisoo.

(X)

Jimin was being oddly quiet throughout the lunch date you were having, you assumed he was just tired from all of the extra hours he and the other boys had been putting in at the studio.

"Why couldn't Namjoon come again?" She questioned putting down her glass and folding her arms over her chest, it was the fourth time in the last three months he'd cancelled on spending time with you and your friends together and cancelling time with you.

"He's at the studio, something to do with extra work. He's been working so hard lately I'm surprised you guys don't have five new albums." You joked with Jimin but he didn't seem to be laughing, he was frowning at you wondering what you meant. Namjoon told the boys he was busy with you so much that he was taking time off work to be with you,

"Did he say what he was working on?" Jimin questioned looking at you, you shook your head and leant forward to take your drink into your hand.

"No, just said it was extra studio time." You shrugged your shoulders, you saw no reason to question Namjoon. He'd been with you for years and you trusted him with your life, if he said he was going to be at the studio then you believed him.

"Well he'll just have to come next time- He's here." You laughed as Jisoo trailed off and looked over to the front door of the bar you were sitting in. Your eyes travelled over to the door to see Namjoon holding the door open for a small lady, she was wearing a black skin-tight dress that looked like it could have been a second skin if you hadn't seen the laced sleeves on her arms. Her hair was so long and wavy it looked like something from one of the hair commercials you'd seen, she was the living embodiment of perfect in your eyes and there she was standing with Namjoon's arm around her waist as though neither of them cared if they were caught together.

"He's here with someone else..." Your voice trailed off and you looked down at your drink of coke dropping some money onto the table, you didn't want to sit and cry here. You didn't want to have a meltdown in a public place where people could see you and Namjoon yelling at one another,

"Y/n." You shook your head as you walked past him and out of the bar, you didn't want to get into this right now. You weren't in the right frame of mind for it.

"Leave it Namjoon." You continued walking away as he yelled after you, begging you to stay with him so he could tell you what was happening but tears kept rolling down your cheeks as you walked down the street to where you'd parked your car.

"Y/n please just let me talk-" He ran in front of you and made you face him, the tears were streaming down your cheeks. The look on his face was enough to confirm that he was in fact cheating on you,

"I didn't know you would be here."

"So that makes it all okay does it?! It's my fault that I was here to witness you taking a girl out on a date when we're engaged?" You tested him and he shook his head tears running down his face as he finally told you that it was true. He was cheating on you but you didn't want to hear it, you wanted to get home and pack up your things.

"We've been spending less time together, I just got needy-"

"Then you could have come to me! I'm your- I was your fiancé Namjoon," You wiped your eyes and began walking around him as he called out for you to stop but you took off in a run to get away from him, you didn't want to cry in front of people that could capture it all on tape. While he stood there and blamed you for him cheating as if it was your fault.

(X)

It all happened too fast, Namjoon was coming up the road to your house when he saw you pulling out of the driveway. You locked eyes for a moment as you went to pull into the road to finally leave but a car came speeding around the corner of your street, turning so it was on only two wheels and just like that it went spinning into the side of your car knocking you into the tree in your garden.

"Y/N!" Namjoon screamed out rushing over to the car to try and get you out but the door was jammed against the side of the tree and you were out cold on the wheel of the car. He could still remember hearing the paramedics trying to get you to come back, all of them pressing on your chest and calling out your name for you to wake up but nothing happened. You were unresponsive when they put you in the ambulance and pronounced dead when you finally reached the hospital, he knew he didn't deserve the right but he held your hand the whole ride there. Telling you that it was going to be fine and that you'd make it but you hadn't and they were taking you away from him. He'd been sitting in the waiting room for hours trying to let his brain catch up to him and for it to finally settle that you were gone but it wasn't working. He was still expecting to go home and find you waiting for him, waiting to tell him stories about your day with Jisoo and Jimin as though none of this had ever happened.

Jimin:

You'd stayed out all night at a friends place, having a huge sleepover like the giant oversized adult children that you were. It had been fun getting to catch up with all of them, you'd made a huge fort in the living room and slept downstairs on the floor while her husband stayed up in his room pretending that had hadn't married her.

"I can't believe you have to go, next time we're going to your place." She told you as she got to the front door, she was walking you out and you didn't want to say goodbye. You didn't get to see one another much because of your job but whenever you had the chance it was always the best time.

"Sure! He has this cinema room so it'll have to be a horror movie night." You told her as you loaded up your bag into the boot of your car, she came over to you and hugged you goodbye.

"Ring me when you get home safe! You know the rules." You nodded at her and playfully rolled your eyes as you got into the front seat of your car. It was the number one rule you had as friends, always ring or text the other one when you arrived safely. There were no two ways about it, it was the only way to ensure you were both safe and happy.

"I will mum." You teased starting up the engine and going home

(X)

The front door opened and you called out to Jimin to let him know you were back while you grabbed your phone,

"Hey, I just walked in through the front door," She began joking about how much she missed you already while you headed up the stairs to find Jimin. You knew it was still a little early so he could be asleep,

"I think Jimin's still asleep bless," You laughed as you got onto the top floor,

"You did say he's been doing a lot of overtime, he deserves it." She said to you as you walked to the bedroom door, you frowned hearing the bed springs moving more so than usual when he was asleep.

"I'll call you back." You hung up without an explanation and opened the door to reveal Jimin on top of someone else.

"Shit, what are you doing back?!" You stared at Jimin as he pulled himself out of the woman and covered them both up.

"What am I doing back? I live here, what are- who is she?" Your head was in a fog as you tried to come up with something to say about this situation, you were about to kick off when you finally got a good view of the woman he was with.

"M-Mina?!" She was your other friend who was supposed to be at the sleepover with you last night but was ''sick''.

"Y/n, let me explain." You shook your head rushing back down the stairs, trying to get out of the house as fast as possible. Your keys were shaking in your hand as you tried to unlock the car door as quickly as possible. Jimin was beside you as you jammed the key into the door trying to open it,

"Let's just talk," Jimin said but Mina was standing behind him repeating how sorry she was,

"Talk then! What do you think you can say to make this situation any better?!" You yelled finally opening the door and getting inside, he stood in front of the car so you couldn't drive without hitting.

"Y/n please," He begged you but you didn't want to hear it, you turned on the engine.

"We made a mistake, we're sorry-"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry!" You yelled at him tears rolling down your face as you put the car into gear, Mina stood at the front door of your house as though she wasn't to blame for anything going wrong.

"Move Jimin, let her go." You shook your head as he did as she said, going over to her and giving her a kiss. You saw it all in your mirrors, watching as they acted like a happy couple while the rest of your world fell apart around you. Sobbing as you pulled onto the main road you tried to keep your focus on driving, you were going to have to go back to your best friend and tell her what happened. You had nothing and no one else in Korea to turn to and there was no way in hell that you were doing to go back to him after what he'd done to you and with her. Your phone rang next to you but you ignored it once you saw the name on the screen,

'JimJam'

Sighing to yourself you went to drive across the road but at the same time a truck came bounding down the road not paying attention to what he was doing, he skipped the red light and came crashing into the side of your car. You screamed out as your car flipped over rolling in circles making you so dizzy you had to close your eyes until you heard a giant clunk of metal and everything went black.

Your phone buzzed beside you as you groaned out, your hand shakily reached for it on the ceiling of your car, you couldn't move your arm that much and your head felt like it was having a hammer smashed around the inside of it.

"Y/n?! Jimin called me and told me what happened. I'll fucking kill him when I get my hands on him where are you? You shouldn't be driving?! You're clearly not driving since you just picked up." She stopped talking when she realised she couldn't hear you talking anymore or trying to put any input into the conversation,

"Y/n?! Y/n?!"

(X)

Mina and Jimin stood together as the police officer came with your best friend to tell them the news, Mina looked at the floor before over at her friend who was glaring at them both. She was clutching your mobile in her hands as she tried not to cry. She'd been the one to find you and tell police who you were while they stayed home,

"Enjoy playing happy families because it won't last long." She shoved the phone into Jimin's chest and walked closer to Mina practically breathing on her face,

"Y/n trusted you," She spat at them looking at them as she backed away from the door shaking her head so they would know how much she disapproved of everything that was happening between them,

"They trusted both of you and you just threw it back in their face." She yelled looking at Jimin as he stared down at your phone in his hands, all his missed calls. The photo of you and him as you lock screen, it only piled the guilt onto him more.

Taehyung:

Taehyung had insisted on throwing a house warming party, inviting the boys and all your friends around to your new place. You'd finally taken the plunge and moved in together after dating for two years. You'd spent time back and forth at each other's apartments but now it was real, now you were living together and sharing a place together, it felt like you were finally moving forward in your relationship after hiding it for so long.

"I just want to thank everyone for their gifts, especially Jungkook who got me the light-up dumpling set I've been dying to get my hands on." You joked as you held up a glass of wine, Taehyung was smiling proudly at you from the back of the room while he spoke to one of his old friends from school. You'd met her a bunch of times, she was always so sweet and lovely with you that you'd grown a little closer as friends whenever you saw one another.

"I know Taehyung would like to say something so up you come, babe." He walked over to you and smiled at everyone, going off on a small rant about how he told the boys not to buy them plants since you already seemed to have a collection of the building.

"You're very lucky," His friend said as she came to join your side, you smiled softly at her and she hugged you tightly. You could smell the booze oozing from her as she wrapped her arms around your waist, it made you uneasy that she was this drunk already when the party had only just started.

"Here! To the happy couple!" She slurred handing you a drink of wine and making sure you chugged it back in front of her, Taehyung watched from the kitchen door as she made you drink a second glass. He looked uncomfortable that you were standing together but you ignored the feeling and went to find one of the boys and continue thanking them for their presents.

Throughout the rest of the night whenever she had the chance she would give you drink after drink along with shots telling you it was to celebrate you and Taehyung being the happiest and most in love couple that she knew.

"I think you should get going, you've had a little too much to drink." You were trying to be nice about it but she instantly took offensive to it screaming about how she could handle her drinks more than you ever could.

"I wasn't being mean I was just-"

"You were just being Y/n! I know, pretty and perfect Y/n! The one Taehyung choose over me! I mean...fucking look at you, he's shooting so low down when he could have me." You nervously looked around as people began to stare at you both wondering what was happening. Namjoon came over offering to take her home when she shook her head and pushed him away,

"I can handle everything better than you, I can handle Taehyung better and that's why he comes crawling back to me whenever he needs good sex!" The music cut outright as she screamed the last sentence, your glass smashed against the floor and Taehyung stared at you trying to come up with some kind of excuse for what she was saying to you. But there was no excuse,

"Don't go denying it Tae! You were at mine just last week begging me to sleep with you because you know that now you're moving in together you won't see me as much." You hiccuped as you tried not to cry in front of everyone in the room, Namjoon put his hand on your arm but you pulled away from him.

"Is it true?" Your voice broke at the end but you didn't care, people awkwardly tried to get out of the house while all of this unfolded in front of them,

"Yes, it's true! Why do you think we're so close, he always comes back to me." She seethed at you and you nodded slowly trying to process everything that she was saying to you while Taehyung stood there and let it all happen. As though he really didn't care that all of this was coming out in front of your friends,

"Right. fine. I'll come back tomorrow for my things." You took your keys from the table not caring that you'd been drinking for the last two hours, nothing like that seemed to matter right now. After hearing that news you felt stone-cold sober anyway,

"Y.n!" Namjoon called after you as you got into the car ignoring them all and driving off without a care in the world, you knew it was wrong to drink and drive but you couldn't be seen by anyone else. You wanted to be alone, you would just drive to the end of the road and pull over it would be no big deal you pulled up and got out of the car. You were walking over to the shop that was right across the road when a car came speeding through a red light ignoring the horns of other cars as the drive came racing towards you, you looked up not having enough time to move as the car hit your legs causing you to land onto the bonet and then onto the floor. People screamed around you as your head hit the floor, pain rushed through your body as you laid on the floor on your chest looking around. You couldn’t move, it felt as though you’d been pinned to the floor by a giant boulder.

Taehyung raced over staring at you as you laid there, you locked eyes for a moment. Your eyes were getting heavier with each passing second, you stretched your hand out to him as you coughed out some blood onto the floor in front of you, the man who had hit you was trying to get you to roll over but you couldn’t move, it was too painful. You were covered in blood as you bled out on the floor. 

“I love you,” You whimpered at Taehyung as you felt a spasm run through your body you closed your eyes right as Taehyung made it to your side.

Jungkook:

You stared at yourself in the mirror as you got ready for the best day of your life, the start of your new life with Jungkook.

"You ready? Whoa." Jin said as he walked into the room and saw you, you looked incredible standing there in your wedding outfit, he felt a surge of guilt running through his brain as he saw you getting ready for what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life but he knew it was never going to be.

"I have to talk to you about something," You looked at you and shook your head,

"We have to get going Jin, don't want to keep Jungkook waiting." You laughed picking up the flowers and walking over to him. That was what he was worried about, keeping Jungkook waiting. You should have just left Jungkook at the alter and ran but he didn't want to be the one to tell you what was happening behind your back. He'd been begging Jungkook to come to you for weeks and admit everything but he wouldn't, he was insistent on marrying you and getting on as though nothing had been happening.

"Jin, you seem really upset. I promise I'll still be like a little sibling to you, but you'll just have to share me with Jungkook." You whispered as you reached the bottom of the aisle. Jungkook was staring down at you with a giant smile on his face watching you as the music started to play, the flower girls went first and began scattering their rose petals along the floor.

"You can't marry him," Jin whispered trying to make sure no one could hear him, you stared up at him as he spoke to you.

"It's a little late for this conversation." You warned him and he shook his head going to explain what he meant when you watched Jungkook's eyes follow your maid of honour up the aisle and then glance back at yours. You thought it was all in your head so you pushed on and walked forward with Jin who was waiting for you to say the word and he'd get you out of there right away.

"Please be seated." Family and friends all sat down and watched as Jungkook took your hands in his in front of the vicar, you stared into his eyes smiling as he looked back at you but there was a nagging in the back of your head. Telling you to remember where he'd had his eyes less than two minutes ago, you glanced at him while the vicar was talking and his eyes were supposed to be on the book but he was making loving eyes at your maid of honour. Your eyes locked with Jin's as you realised what  he'd been trying to talk to you about before you got up here,

"If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed please speak now-"

"I do!" You stared at your maid of honour and then back to Jungkook who was smirking at her, as though they'd planned to go through with this from the moment he'd asked you to marry him.

"Jungkook! I am in love with you and I always have been." She pushed you to the side and the flowers you were holding dropped onto the floor, you couldn't find the right words to speak as she declared her love for him in front of everyone there.

"I love you too." Your heart felt like it had just been ripped from your chest and placed onto the altar for them to take it in turns stabbing it,

"Are you forgetting where you are and what you're supposed to be doing right now?!" Jin yelled turning Jungkook around to face him, all eyes were on you as you started to cry silently trying to look for a way out.

"Go wait in the car," Jin handed you his keys while he yelled at Jungkook about what an ass he was being, you wasted no time sprinting out of the church and into the parking lot to look for Jin's car. Cameras flashed trying to catch the happy couple but all they had was you crying on camera and trying to start JIn's car up, he'd find his own way out of there. You wanted to get out before the paparazzi started asking too many questions for you to answer right now.

(X)

A car followed you all the way onto the motorway as you made your way home, you could see a photographer hanging out of the side window trying to get a good picture of you. You were sure by now that everyone was going to know what happened in the church which only made you press your foot down harder on the accelerator, so hard in fact that the pedal was on the floor and you were going as fast as Jin's car could take you. You were getting ready to pull into your junction when a camera flashed at the side of you and you lost control of the wheel, you screamed in a panic letting go as it span in your hands running the car off the road and towards a wall.

Jin held the keys in his hands as he stood in front of your gravestone, he laid them down on the headstone as he started saying goodbye to you for the last time.

"What are you doing here?" He spat at Jungkook who was walking towards the headstone, he hadn't been there when you were buried because no one would allow him to especially Jin, if Jin had seen him there on that day there would have been a need for a second gravestone,

"I came to say goodbye you knew how much they meant to me-"

"No, you don't get a goodbye. You know what, you don't even deserve to come here..." His eyes travelled over to Jungkooks car, the maid of honour was waiting for him as she sat with her head in her phone talking to someone on it.

"Especially not with her," He spat at the younger member leaving him there as he walked away to his own car. Jungkook and Jin hadn't been the same since the day Jin found out he was cheating on you and if he'd just told you none of this would have happened. You'd still be there, you'd be upset of course but you would still be there.

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies​ @snowy-meowl​ @jooniesdarlingdimples​ @lyoongx​ @fan-ati--c​ @mitzwinchester​ @callingmyangel​ @rjsmochii​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @supresoo​

[allthatglittersisnotgoldrush]

Author Interview: Victoryindeath2 (by TolkienGirl)

Thank you @thelonelybrilliance!

1.     What fanfic trope do you think the AU has a unique spin on and why?

So seven card stud is the best and funniest strip poker/crossdressing fic you will ever find.

Definitely love how we grow the found family trope, particularly in regards to Maedhros and Gwindor, which I shall say more on in the question below. It is our own platonic version of the ships passing in the night trope—Maedhros and Gwindor are never mentioned as having met in canon, let alone spoken of in any way that might hint at their having any basis for friendship. I myself have never read any fics where there was any sort of bond between them. However, all of the authors love canon Gwindor greatly, and he fit so well into our plans and now has became more important and dear than we could ever imagine, so much so that I have to stop and remind myself that Maedhros and Gwindor are not brotp in canon. It’s honestly one of my favorite departures from the original Silm!

2.     What are your three favorite friendships between people who are NOT related to each other?

My most FAVORITE friendship between unrelated characters is unquestionably the friendship between Maedhros and Gwindor. Maedhros gives Gwindor hope, freedom, and another little brother to love and guard, and Gwindor gives his Russandol the older brother he never had, good simple understanding without judgment, a care that doesn’t yield to Maedhros’s judgement of himself and fights against Maedhros’s frequent (understandable) self-pity and self-hatred. They could not have made it out of the thrall camp without each other, nor saved as many people as they did. Even now, Maedhros is one of the few solid good things Gwindor has to steady himself with as he tries to adjust to a world where he is not a slave, Maedhros is the person who turns Gwindor’s words back on him to say, you must think better of yourself! And Gwindor is now, as he was back in the thrall camp, the hand that Maedhros can bear to cling to when he is most hurt, frightened, and sad.

Ah...sometimes I like to dream about Gwindor getting to be an older brother figure to Mae back in Formenos and city days...the things that might have changed for the better...

There are many other good friendships but two in particular stand out: Finrod and Beren and Haleth and Luthien. Beren has lost his whole family and people, has suffered injury and been an outcast, thrown out of Doriath, separated from the young woman he loves, and here comes Finrod, some pretty boy from back East who has lots of noble ideas in his head, probably an awful lot of naivety at their meeting, but also a brave, loyal, laughing heart. So far we haven’t explored their friendship in as much detail as some relationships, but rest assured that....it will feature heavily in the future. I really hope that we can drop in little stories of their early friendship as we go along. For now, the fic Clarity has some of my favorite moments between them! I am very excited for the future with them!

As for Haleth and Luthien—well they are such contrasts aren’t they? Haleth, grim, younger than Luthien but more versed in the cruelty of the world, and Luthien, bright and eager to go out into the world and find Beren, unafraid for now of what it might have in store for her and her loved ones. They are both strong-willed, determined young women though, and I adore every moment between them. Haleth, always bringing what word she can of Beren to Luthien, protecting her secret, teaching her to fight, being slightly taken aback at the thought that yes, Luthien is her friend. And Luthien having nothing but respect for Haleth. The most recent fic between them was honestly the sweetest, cutest thing!

3.     What is a “missing scene” that you wish could be written into the AU during the past year (1852)?

You know what I would want? A little scene between Fingolfin and Finrod, set after Maedhros has been rescued and Fingolfin is very tired and Finrod tries to tell him to go to bed or something and then Fingolfin confesses that he misses his brother Finarfin very much and then probably apologizes because of course Finrod must miss his father greatly and he shouldn’t have brought up the subject but Finrod is like, it’s okay, and then encourages Fingolfin to tell stories about their boyhood together, and it’s all sort of soft and sad and healing for the both of them <3

4.     Which character has made you cry the most as a reader and/or writer?

As a reader? Ahahaha Maedhros wins by a long shot. I cried so many times during his Angband days, but also in fics both in Mithrim and Formenos, when he was younger and had no idea of what was in store for him. Shoutout to any soft scene between him and his brothers, particular him and Maglor. Give me them holding each other or playing with each other’s hair while being sad and I just—weep. I am not so good at regulating my emotions lol

As a writer, well, I don’t usually cry over my own works, but recently I got very emo when re-reading of the armature and the reinforcement (let us move lightly). It’s hard to see young happy recently-married Feanor and Nerdanel, with baby Maitimo on the way, and to know how Feanor will change and their family will fall apart in years to come. Also, I played myself by having the actor Lee Joon Gi in mind as a model for young Feanor’s mannerisms :/

5.     Update us on the state of Caranthir’s kitchen and garden.

If this is a poorly concealed “where the heck is that fic you have been promising us,” well, I stick my tongue out at you.

Jk I’m gonna go work on it after I finish these questions lol. Let’s just say that with everything happening right now, Caranthir has probably been stress cleaning the kitchen, and it would be immaculate if it weren’t for certain people being difficult. As for the garden, if you think its crooked layout does not bother Caranthir at least once per day, you would be wrong. I’m sure that in a month or so he is going to want to dig the whole thing up and get out little stakes and strings and drive everyone crazy by being extremely particular about the makeover.

Bonus: Describe what would happen if Gwindor met Feanor

OH MAN OH MAN. GWINDOR WOULD FULFILL MY FANTASY OF GIVING THAT MAN A FIST TO THE FACE

I mean look I have this strange love for Feanor and he is tragic in many ways and I mourn his loss and the person he could have been and sometimes was, but also—

He was a terrible dad. As we have all seen. As Gwindor has sussed out and had some confirmation of. If the Gwindor of right now could go back in time and meet Feanor sticking needles into Mae, I’m pretty sure he would have murdered him then and there, or at least, beat him into the ground and then been like, hello Nerdanel, ma’am, I am your eldest son’s guardian angel in the flesh and I am moving in with you to be a barrier between him and his dad and if he so much as looks at Mae wrong I will throw him in his own forge fire.

If the Gwindor of right now could meet a resurrected Feanor—things would be bloody and Feanor would be told what for in the strongest of terms probably while being shoved against a wall, an arm against his neck, and then Gwindor would be like cool now that you understand just how terrible of a person you are and how you should probably burn in hellfire, you can go to Maedhros and beg his forgiveness and tell him how is a much better person that you ever were or could be and that it is up to him to ask you to stick around even though I, Gwindor, would prefer you to never see him again, but like, Maedhros probably wouldn’t want that so I will have to deal and you will have to shape up or I will ship you out

GET YOU A FRIEND LIKE GWINDOR

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Put Me In a Movie

Keanu Reeves x Reader(A/n- I’ve been meaning to post this since last week, but I’m lazy.)

Summary Prologue  1   2   3  4  5  6 7  8  9  10 11 12

Warnings- Angst

Chapter 13- Hold Me Without Hurting Me

The pack had started warming in his hands, and eventually, Keanu couldn't bring himself to do much more than toss it back to the table and listlessly drag himself back to his trailer, which neighbored Y/n’s. Standing outside, between both metal contraptions; his on the right and hers on the left, he contemplated knocking on Y/n’s instead. He didn’t like the way their earlier interaction had ended; with her in tears, storming out and essentially ending their relationship. 

It was his fault, he’d pushed her.

Keanu had almost made the trek up the steps, almost knocked on the door, almost begged her to take him back. He’d almost done a lot of things, like let himself fall. But alas, for everything he’d almost done, there were a dozen more that he'd done wrong and in the end, he’d just slunk back into the cold cocoon of his own trailer, flopping onto the sofa, groaning as he threw his head back. It hurt though the insistent throbbing, the slight pull of his stitches and heaviness over his left eye felt like nothing compared the new hollowness in his chest.

Truthfully, Keanu hadn't meant for things to go the way they had, it was never his intention to have her leave for good. But it was so foreign to him; it had been a while since he'd been with a woman who'd looked at him the way Y/n had, who's touch alone was enough to remedy physical pain. Who could make his lips tremble but slow his anxious heart at the same time. She was different in other ways too; usually, the girls he dated were willing to go with whatever he wanted, anything just to keep him interested. Sometimes, though more times than he preferred to admit, Keanu would find himself realizing that a woman only adored him for what he was, rather than who he was. But Y/n…….Y/n actually cared. Y/n loved him.

Even if he’d given her a million reasons not to.

Love.

The word made an unwarranted panic rise up in Keanu’s chest. He wasn’t sure if he felt that way, when you feel it, you should know right? But Keanu didn’t know. All he knew was that he wanted her back, unashamedly and quite selfishly, even if he wasn’t sure what his feelings were. Maybe they could patch things up with an emotional band aid, just enough so he could have her, though without letting himself get too submerged. Keanu wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment anyway. He wasn’t the type.

At least, that was what he’d told himself. Convinced himself.

But he was lying to himself. Keanu was always lying to himself

Maybe he really should make things right, heedlessly hold on until he could sort himself out, until he could find a way to to shift things, so if they ever did walk away, he could leave unscathed. Control. That was what he wanted, control. Control over their feelings, over the way everyone saw them, over the way he saw himself. 

Control, he would find it.

Production had been halted for the rest of the evening, and by extension, the two days following Keanu’s accident, hopefully giving him enough time to grasp his bearings. It was without warning, though Y/n understood the circumstances and was immensely grateful for the down time, hoping that she too could manage to pull herself together before they’d face each other again.

Nearly a day had passed, going on twenty four whole hours since she’d left Keanu sitting on a plastic chair in an air conditioned trailer that smelt like Hydrogen-Peroxide and disinfectant, tossing a beady ice pack to his chest, earning herself nothing more than a surprised ‘omph’ in the process. Since then, she’d fluttered through a range of emotions; anger at his reluctance, gnawing sorrow because he couldn’t return her love and finally, frustration when Keanu hadn’t made the slightest effort to swing by her room and pretend to be sorry. 

All she wanted was to get him back, so she could put aside the doubt, at least for a while. Y/n didn’t like the feeling that came with his absence, and even if being with him felt like she was sinking slowly, drowning in a whirlpool resulting from her own devices, being without Keanu felt like she was being pulled under ice cold water, suddenly and without the strength to swim herself to recovery. 

By then her bed had become a haven, one that still held his scent, even if the sheets had been changed. Perhaps it was just her imagination. Y/n had spent far too much time there since she’d returned to the hotel, only ever leaving for lengthy showers or to get food. Not much else seemed appealing anyway and the rest of the hotel would just remind her of everything that she’d poured into Keanu. She ruined things with a good man for him, almost dismantled her relationship with her father for him, sacrificed half her sanity, just for him. And still, it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough.

Maybe nothing would be enough for him.

Yet, Y/n still clutched hope close to her chest; Keanu would knock on her door, tell her he was sorry and ask her to take him back. She’d do it in a heartbeat too, even if she was almost sure that he’d be lying. Believing his lies; it had already become her norm anyway. There was a toxicity that came with loving him, and Y/n could readily recognize it; you shouldn't have to swallow up lies when  affections ran as deep as hers, you shouldn’t cry yourself to sleep or have to convince yourself that they care either. But she’d done it, and in the name of hope, she’d keep doing it, until she couldn’t any longer. 

A fretful huff left her chapped lips and shoving the sheets away, Y/n aimlessly hoped that running her hands through her tangled hair would do something to dismiss the thoughts of Keanu; as much as she loved him, she really did want to stop thinking of him. It wasn’t like she could do much about their break up anyway, she’d broken up with him and he hadn’t really done much to stop it. 

As she sat up, Y/n surveyed the room, dimmed by the incoming evening, merely the silhouettes of furniture remaining visible in the hazy room. The air conditioner ran on high, offering a chill to combat the thick, comfortable layers she’d sought refuge in and the remote to the television mounted to the wall remained her only companion. Her phone was somewhere around too, probably hidden away beneath the room service menu on the nightstand, Y/n could hear it buzzing every once in a while, but couldn't summon up the will to pick it up. She’d get back to whoever it was, at some point. 

For a solid minute, she just sat there, immersed in the sea of fabric, wondering if she’d be spending the night the same way she’d wasted the day; sulking in between wine induced naps. Though, three brisk knocks on the front door interrupted her muddy thoughts, causing Y/n to groan as she tumbled out of the bed. On her way to the door, she finished a glass of red that had been sitting beneath her unlit lamp and once again ran her fingers through her hair, that time to vanquish any traces of telling bed head. 

With a strained sigh, Y/n took the knob in her hand, pulling the door open, ready to tell whoever it was that she was busy. But at the sight of the offender, the words didn’t come, stifled by the hope pluming in her chest, “You’re…... “ With glassy eyes and quivering lips, Y/n tried to seem as cool as possible, though she knew the over sized sweatshirt and loose booty shorts, along with the redness in her eyes and flush in her cheeks would be a dead give away.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed sadly when Keanu found that Y/n probably wasn’t going to say much more. His lips were set in a deep frown and the bandage protecting his sutures had been recently changed and switched out for a smaller one. Keanu's hair looked almost as frazzled as Y/n's and she wondered if he'd been nervous about going to see her. "I never meant to hurt you," he carried on softly, exhaling as he shoved his fists into the pockets of worn jeans, "I just-"

Despite her mind's protest, a nagging thought reminding Y/n that she was making it too easy, she held the door open a bit wider, the fondness in her heart growing at just the thought of Keanu wanting her back, "Why don't you come in?"

He seemed stunned at first, eyes widening with confusion and jaw going slack, but eventually gave in and Keanu knew that it would be a lie if he wasn't secretly hoping that things could be that easy, "Okay," he nodded wearily, "Thanks." 

Now standing in the living room, the orange glow from the setting sun washing the room through the glass balcony doors, casting a burnt hue on the furniture and floors, Y/n thought that the atmosphere felt choked and a little clumsy. She couldn’t tell if Keanu was being genuine or not, but she did know that she was going to believe him, just so things could go back to being okay for a while. He stood about a foot away, shoulders hung and head down cast, directed to their feet, still though, she had to look up at him, not meeting his gaze, but desperately searching for some truth in his expression. “What I said yesterday,” Keanu swallowed thickly, shaking his head, “I didn’t mean it when I said that you were smothering me, I just wasn’t expecting you to care that much.”

“I’ve always cared that much,” Y/n turned her face away, not wanting Keanu to see her feelings, he’d already hurt them so much. Her fingers toyed with the cuffs of her grey sweatshirt as she awaited more, eventually trying to propel it with; “Is that what you came here to say?”

“Yeah,” he sighed heavily, removing a hand from his pocket to run it through his tousled hair, scrubbing his nails through his salt and pepper beard before letting it fall haplessly to his side again, “And to ask you for a second chance. I want us to work on this,” finally, he looked at her, and Y/n let their gazes meet. She searched his eyes, only finding turmoil and swirling confusion there. It was nothing like what she offered him; love, admiration and adoration. 

Maybe she could find it there though, one day.

“I……” Don’t do it, he doesn’t care as much as you do. Don’t do it, he doesn’t care at all. Nothing’s gonna change, don’t do it! But Y/n didn’t listen, logic was a dry pill that was too hard to swallow she wasn’t willing to believe that Keanu would hurt her again, even though she knew it was the truth. They had so much to work out before they could even think about being together, they were hurt people, who in the end, would inevitably hurt people, but Y/n didn’t care. She never did. She wanted what they had when he made her laugh, when he touched her and sparked life in shadowy depths of her soul. 

She was selfish enough to want him, despite their brokenness.

“I want that too,” Y/n eventually nodded, dragging herself towards Keanu, thoughtlessly letting herself sink into his sullen embrace. His arms, circling her waist, felt warm, though not in the way she’d expected to. Instead, it was like being enveloped in hot, empty air. It was just a gesture, nothing more than the act. That was in actuality, but in her head, she could feel what he poured into it, convinced herself that this was what he wanted, that things were going to work this time. 

But unless they learned to grow up,  stitch themselves back together,  they wouldn’t. 

But she could hope. Hope that one day, there would be more than emptiness. Hope that at some point he’d change his mind and fall in love with her.

Y/n could always hope

******

Tagging- @harrisongslimited​  @paanchu786​  @thesadvampire​  @fanficsrusz​  @fickensteinn​  @ladyreapermc​  @babygirltaina​  @septimaseverina​  @snatchedbylele​  @omg-imagine @21stcenturyyfoxx​  @magnificentclodpiebanana @allie1804-fan @keandrews  @greenmanalishi  @rdjloverxxx​  @danceoftwowolves​

[kindredsoulsoftimesofold]

Incoming TROS rant

yes, there will be spoilers as I will be breaking down everything I saw tonight. If I manage to type choking on my tears well after the movie finished.

----

FINAL WARNING IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS

Let’s start with a few opening words, this rant will indeed be a long one.

ALL THE LEAKS ARE TRUE. And I mean ALL of them. To a T. As soon as I saw the first half was exactly as I’d read, I was crushed. As I knew what was coming. On that note, i was probably the only person in the theatre who was crying like 15-20 minutes before we were supposed to, I’ll get to that in a bit. I’m saving the WORST for last. Let’s break this shit down.

1. The plot is a mess. An actual mess. I feel like every five minutes I was shaking my head and mumbling ‘what kind of nonsense is this’. The breaking of lore or COMMON SENSE really is substantial. But that is definitely not what I cared about, as I already KNEW this even without the leaks. When you can’t get your two directors to FUCKING WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE A COHESIVE STORYLINE it is bound to grasp for straws and make shit up. IT AIN’T NOTHING NEW.

2. Here’s the kicker. THE DIALOGUE WAS SO BAD, it makes Anakin’s AOTC speech seem like a hymn, or poetry or whatever. They CONSTANTLY say what they’re doing, they’re literally reciting the exposition to each other and it comes off as extremely annoying and makes you feel like a toddler. No hate against toddlers, but I’d rather not be one right now. It feels unnatural, forced and STUPID to the point where I would start WISHING for 3PO to come back on screen because Anthony Daniels somehow managed to snag some actually decent lines for once? I love the man, but the droid usually really annoys the crap outta me. He was literally the highlight of the film. Don’t get me started on the stupidity of all of Lando’s lines, poor Billy. Daisy has to stare angrily most of the time so I don’t really care to recall her lines. Adam, my dear Adam, he tries SO HARD to make do with what he was given but even his lines 90% of the time come off as stupid and out of place. Or the worst type in this movie, EXPOSITIONYY. Don’t get me started on Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford. Boys looked like they didn’t sign up for this shit and were literally force choked to be there. I feel you guys, I feel you. ALSO FOR THE LOVE OF THE FORCE THE TIMES THEY REPEATED WORD FOR WORD LINES FROM OTHER MOVIES I WANTED TO SCREAM. Once is too much, THIS MANY TIMES IT IS A FELONY. And it needs to be punished somehow.

3. Let’s get the positives out of the way because there were FEW. The two scenes I actually REALLY enjoyed watching, for different reasons were:

Ben and Palps meeting. The scene was much longer than the clip and SUPER badass. Sheev’s voice echoes, Ben looks fucking cool and the whole scene is GORGEOUS.

The other is when Ben fights as a Jedi in the end. I’ll get to Ben later BELIEVE ME but without overexplaining, he fights with Anakin’s lightsabre, he’s really speedy and is doing all the Jedi spins and whatnot. I fucking ATE THAT UP. Replay that scene forever please CAUSE I LOVED IT. But I was already crying here so we’ll touch more on that later.

To conclude this segment, the visuals were SUPERB, the sound was AMAZING and (some) of the fights were jaw droppingly cool. But that about concludes the positives!

4. I will comment, as I know a lot of people will care even if I don’t particularily. Finn, Poe, Rose and the merry gang aside from our Jedi are reduced to EH this movie. If you thought you’d never miss Rose boy were you wrong. They introduce new characters and expect you to care about them when they SIDELINED the ones they’d hoped you’d care about BEFORE. And it made me care about NO ONE. Not to mention that, sadly, they are ALWAYS reduced to the boring side plot that really isn’t interested or key to much of ANYTHING. Sure they roused the people and all but would’ve been TOAST if Rey didn’t go all Jesus on the fleet. So at the end of the day, you MAY find some enjoyment with the side characters but their lines were some of the worst, you WILL be force fed new people and you might not really enjoy your previous faves here because even I found myself being completely indifferent this time. (I actually really ENJOYED Finn since TFA. He had a compelling storyline and John Boyega was alright. Couldn’t give two wits about him in this movie. Not a single one. But again, I may not be the perfect person to ask if you really,really like any of these characters.

5. Finally, we have arrived to the main event. THE REYLO.

The backbone of this clusterfuck of a new trilogy. The last Skywalker and Palpatine, coming together instead of apart. The arguably BEST actors (legacies aside) Disney managed to get. Now, I will start this off that I didn’t HATE Rey before this movie. I loved her in TFA, enjoyed her less in TLJ but the novelization fixed that. I was BACK ON BOARD to be her number one stan. In this movie, I couldn’t STAND her. Her lines are basically the director walking you through things, her plotline was obviously made last minute so almost none of it makes sense,  I literally wanted to curl up and DIE from cringing so hard every time someone said ‘you’re a Palpatine’. I thought I was looking at a very expensive rendition of terrible fan fiction. (Not to diss fan fiction in any way, you guys will be my heroes after this catastrophe.) ‘Empress Palpatine’, COME THE FUCK ON AND GET OUT WITH THIS SHIT. Bring back crusty old Snoke for crying out loud! Or even HUX! Who got killed off in a second and had three lines of dialogue, not important I guess? Like a great many things I guess, JJ. But, EVEN Palpatine aside, it was great seeing him again and every scene he was in I got chills, who cares that it makes zero sense at this point. Back to reylo.

Ben. Ben Solo Organa Skywalker. The last hope. The final remnant of something I have loved FOREVER. I grew up with Star Wars, like many others just in a different, post prequel era and they are still my favourites. This might sound ridiculous but Star Wars was part of my heart, my happiness. It brought me joy to watch it, read it, fantasize about it and have it in my life when times were dark or miserable. It MEANT something to me, as I am sure many of you will agree. And Ben was part of that. He was part of something that MEANT something to all of us. He was the last line of the characters we all grew up with and loved. The GRANDSON of Anakin, my favourite character of all time. This was their chance to stop the trend that Loki’s death in IW and Daenerys’ death and turn and many others started and STOP killing people who did wrongs. PEOPLE can change, they can grow and they can learn. Hell, to not stray to far from this franchise REY has killed A LOT of people in this movie alone. She DECIMATES the room full of Palpatine’s followers and never blinks an eye. SHE NEARLY KILLS CHEWIE, DOES KILL BEN (for a minute) and SHE DOESN’T NEED TO DIE. Of course she doesn’t but BEN DOESN’T EITHER. After all that YOU JJ, YES YOU, show me that the LAST SKYWALKER has gone through, suffered, alone and frightened. I would’ve ENDED you if you’d suggested killing him off to me, EVER. He was your chance to do a reverse Vader, AS YOU CLAIMED YOU WOULD. To show a character can come back to the light and be worthy of it WITHOUT DYING. You even set it up as such, which is my next and CRUCIAL POINT.

I’ve been a reylo since 2015. Their dynamic has always been fascinating to me and beautiful. I LOVED all the moments in TLJ, LOVED THEM. In this one, every time they force bond (terrible dialogue aside, again) I was happy. I had a hope that she would bring him back from the darkness and he will keep her balanced. WELL, JJ, guess fuck me huh? And anyone with common sense and human decency. JUST WHEN you shove Ben’s turn in my face, you make him talk to Han, you make him strut in to fight alongside Rey in full Ben Solo Jedi mode, hair blown and casually dressed. It was when he runs onto Exegol that I started weeping. Because knowing that he dies as I did, it broke my heart how it was done. You give me the scene where he fights and you give me hope of what his future could’ve been if only you’d listened to reason and done what was supposed to be done. He is chucked into the pit, WHICH MIGHT I ADD WOULD’VE MADE ME MAD IF THAT WAS HIS END BUT WOULD’VE BEEN SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT WE GOT, comes back. And now comes the scene that cemented this as the ABSOLUTE WORST insult to me as a fan, possible. Ben is heartbroken that Rey is dead, the moment is sad and he cradles her dead body and hugs her desperately. Which would’ve been a beautiful and GOOD DIFFERENT type of ending. Or rather not having her die at all and being NEAR her death and him saving her and both living happily ever after BUT NO. JJ AFTER THAT has her come back, smile happily when she sees it’s him, her love her hope and the other half of her SOUL literally (the diad or whatever it’s called is so rare that Palpatine was thrilled they’d formed such a bond, basically space soulmates), he has them kiss, then hold each other and smile at each other with genuine feeling of joy and belonging both of them had sought all their life AND THEN YANKS IT FROM UNDER YOU. The scene where Ben falls flat onto his back is quite comical and I couldn’t help but laugh in my misery and sobbing. Rey doesn’t even cry, we don’t even LINGER on his body or mourn him afterwards or even mention it or EVEN SEE her, THE PERSON WHO LITERALLY FOUND HER SOULMATE AND WAS SO HAPPY WHEN SHE KISSED HIM AND WAS LITERALLY SAVED BY HIM, but no guess that doesn’t require a scene, sure, fuck it LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. The cheery music that plays up until the moment of his fall, YES THE FALL OF SKYWALKER MIND YOU NOT A FUCKING RISE, was an insult to every fan everyhwere, lifelong or recent or otherwise, it was a punch to the gut, a slap in the face and after this happened I no longer paid attention to the movie. I’d been crying for some time leading up to the moment, I knew what was coming and the execution only made it worse and a more desperate cry rather than only sad, I was hoping it wouldn’t happen somehow. I choked back tears until I finally got home and cried. One of the things which MEANT so much to me, was dead. I no longer have any doubts, that this was intentional. Look at Game of thrones, that was this year. It seemed intentional to make series stop, right? Everyone agrees. They wanted to finally bury the Skywalkers so they could make something unrelated? They kill off all the Skywalkers. Well guess what disney? YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BRING THEM BACK IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MONEY HUNGRY PIECE OF SHIT. No one would have minded a new trilogy, with new characters doing NEW things. Why even drag the Skywalkers and the leagies into this if YOU DON’T WANT THEM HERE? All you got was millions of lifelong fans of the old movies who have already felt or are only now beginning to feel BETRAYED. I swear it disney, I don’t want to feel this misery again. You won’t take Star Wars away from me and the joy it brought me. I will without a care in the world dismiss this new trilogy as something completely separate from canon. You’ve killed your own fanbase. You could’ve had us but you LOST us. You dangled something we wanted in front of us for our money and then you ripped it apart.

If you are anything like me, anything like me at all and have loved SW for however long. if it MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU, I beg you not to see this movie or at the very least, pay for it. You WILL feel betrayed, insulted, heartbroken, devastated and miserable, as I am feeling right now. I was supposed to go see this movie another two times but i cannot and will not spend another CENT on a company that chooses to alienate me. Fine, have it your way. I’m done.

This concludes my rant as I am tired and upset. If I missed out on anything and you are interested in anything else, please do DM me or leave a comment :) We’re all in this together now, the reylos the antis the new fans and the old. We’re all in the same heartbreaking boat, I love you all. And I will love Star Wars. The REAL Star Wars forever. I wasn’t even sad the ‘FRANCHISE’ was ending because it wasn’t. It had ended a long, long time ago.

[we-get-it-youre-a-dor-a-ble]

FYI, this is my first fanfic, so I legit have no idea about warnings ;-; If I missed any or if some of them aren’t TWs, please let me know

Characters: Roman, Logan, Patton, Virgil, Thomas, Deceit

Pairings: None

Word Count: 2780

Genre: Angst & some fluff

Warnings: Bullying, swears, Deceit (sympathetic but oh well), muteness, just a little self-deprication, swords, yelling, crying, blacking out, violence

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Virgil could redo one thing in his life, it was how he met the other sides.

Thomas was 7 years old. He had a test at the end of the year in math, even though he was only in 3rd grade. It was a lot to handle, but with Logan’s help, Thomas was able to study enough. The day of the test, Thomas sat as his desk and stared down at his paper.

Suddenly, he panicked. He couldn’t remember anything. He didn’t know how, but something was happening and it wasn’t good. All the equation she had learned he couldn’t remember, and he started to feel something he rarely even thought of: stress. He stared down at the page in front of him, but he could barely make out words. Roman, present at the time, quickly gave Thomas the idea to go to the bathroom and think everything over, which Thomas did. The second he got there, he closed his eyes and went to Logan’s room .

“LOGIC?!” He screamed.

Logan was going over the math textbook he had been studying the few days before. “Thomas? What happened out there? Don’t you remember the curriculum?”

“I don’t know! I’m really scared and nervous… why have I never felt this stressed before?”

“I’m… not sure. Maybe we can get Morality to cheer you up. Morality!”

Logan called, but he got no response. “Morality...?” He called again. “Well then, we have to do something, with or without Dad. Let’s review the facts and details for the test.” Thomas and Logan nodded and got to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once Thomas got home from school, he looked around to make sure his family wasn’t home. Thankful they weren’t, he bolted to his room and shut the door. Suddenly, Logan and Roman appeared.

“What… What was that?” Roman asked, also confused of the cause of such negative emotion.

“I’m not sure,” Thomas responded, “but we should ask Dad. He’s in charge of most of my feelings anyway. Morality!”

Once again, no response. “Maybe he’s in his room with the door shut?” Roman suggested.

“No, he always leaves it open for us. Where else could he be where he can’t hear us…?”

Everyone sat thinking for a moment. After what seemed like ages, Logan broke the silence. “Could he be in the Mindscape?”

And with that, everyone had sunk out into the Mindscape. It was darker than usual, but thankfully, Patton was kneeled down on the floor next to something. Once he noticed the three behind him, Patton stood, hiding the dark figure behind his back.

“Morality! There you are! Where have you been?” Logan asked.

“I’ve been here for a few hours now, sorry kiddos.” Patton apologized. By this point, everyone‘s attention has drifted off from their anger and to the small character behind him.

“What is that, Padre?” Roman said.

“Okay, so during school, I found this little guy curled up in the corner, sobbing. So please, don’t harass him. He’s really shy, okay?”

Everyone nodded, and Patton motioned for the figure behind him to come out. It hesitated, but stepped forward, showing its full self to the other sides. He was shorter than the rest of them, but he still had the same appearance. He wore a black oversized hoodie with a black and grey plaid pattern on the sleeves. He also wore a pair of dark jeans and sneakers. His hair looked to be the same as Thomas’s, but it was hard to tell by the good that covered his head. His eyes were the same deep brown as Thomas’s, but there was heavy bags under his eyes. It looked like he hadn’t even heard of the word ‘sleep’.

“Everyone, meet Thomas’s anxiety.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Years had passed, and Virgil still didn’t talk. He was still very close with Patton, but he slowly warmed up to the other sides. Roman had been the most stubborn with Virgil, since he didn’t know anything about him. Logan was okay with Virgil being present; even a little happy that someone else understood him. In the end, though, no matter how everyone treated Virgil, he still wouldn’t talk. The sides hadn’t heard him say a single word since he arrived 5 years ago. Nobody even knew his name, what he sounded like, or if he could talk at all. Virgil would write notes to communicate, which he ended up getting pretty good at. He put his writing skills to use and filled most of his time writing short stories and such.

In the real world, Thomas was watching TV, so the Sides took the opportunity to have lunch together. They normally would invite Thomas, but he didn’t know any of them had names, and it was annoying to use their representations to address them.

“Kiddos! Time for lunch! I made tacos!” Patton yelled. One by one, the sides arrived, Virgil being last as usual.

“Spectacular!” Roman exclaimed. “Also, I’ve been thinking, maybe we should have Thomas take Spanish in middle school! It would be exciting to learn one of the most romantic languages in the world!”

“Roman, that’s preposterous. He shouldn’t learn a language solely because it’s romantic. It should actually mean something to him.” Logan stated.

Virgil rolled his eyes as the two started arguing. He made himself a taco, wrapped it, and grabbed a seat next to Patton. Virgil was happy that they could have a family dinner, since he had been so worried about an upcoming audition recently for the local kids theater. Roman had been so intent on going that none of the other sides really had a say in the matter. But the lines were so complicated, the audition was coming up so fast, and—

“Hey, you doing alright, kiddo?” Patton asked carefully. Virgil had stopped eating for quite some time to ponder over the audition.

Virgil took out his notebook. ‘Yeah, just worried (as usual)’, he wrote.

“What’s bothering you?”

“The audition for Beauty and the Beast…”

“The audition?” Patton repeated. Roman stopped talking and focused on Virgil. “You don’t have to worry! Roman has it all under control!”

“Yeah, but what if we don’t get the beast’s role? What if we’re just Maurice or something minor? What if we’re just a background singer??”

“Our part doesn’t matter, just as long as we make it in the show.”

“Well what if we don’t? What if we screw it up?”

“We aren’t going to mess up, kiddo. We have Roman on our side! Right Ro?”

Roman glared at Virgil as his gaze intensified. “Yeah, I’ve got it all under control, emo nightmare. Relax a little.”

Virgil sunk down in his chair a little and finished eating. He then got up, cleared his plate, and went to his room. Once he got there, he shuffled through his closet for another hoodie, since he had gotten some ground beef on it during lunch. He found a black sweatshirt with purple strings and put it on. It was simple, but still comfy as hell. He sat there, looking up at the plastic stars on the ceiling (a present from Patton).

His moment of relaxation was interrupted by 3 loud bangs on the door. Virgil stiffened and hesitantly shuffled across the fuzzy carpet. He opened it just a crack when Roman threw it the rest of the way himself. Roman has his sword tucked away in its scabbard, which only meant trouble.

“Okay, listen Anxiety,” he started. “This show is going to be big. Very big. And after your little pep talk with Patton, I have a good feeling your going to screw up my audition. So how about this: You take the day off or something so I can make sure that the biggest chance in Thomas’s life isn’t ruined by some virus like you.”

Virgil didn’t know what to do. He knew Roman didn’t like him, but to say it to his face…

“Well, nightmare? What are you going to do?”

Virgil backed up and fell onto his bed, eyes already forming tears. He grabbed the sleeves on his hoodie and hid his face in them. Roman, taking this as Virgil ignoring him, grabbed the hoodie and pulls it off. Roman then threw it on the ground and drew his sword. Just by reading his face, Virgil could see the anger welling up inside him. Suddenly, he cracked. He started swinging at the sweatshirt, making Virgil cry even more. So many rips and tears throughout the hoodie; he even cut off the entire right sleeve. At this point, Virgil was just sulking on the floor. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe, and every time the blade swung, he could feel the wind created from the blow against his shirt.

...He could say something. If he said something, anything, Roman might be distracted enough for Virgil to run. He could run to Patton, Thomas, even Logan. Virgil curled into a small ball on the floor and struggled to get words to come out. Just as he was about to, another dark figure stepped into the room. Virgil’s watery eyes couldn’t make out who it was, but they were able to quickly grab Roman’s sword and shove Roman out of the room. The figure sighed and turned towards Virgil.

The stress and panic was getting to his brain, and Virgil could already feel himself losing consciousness, so he used his last bit of strength to wipe the tears from his eyes. The figure, a bit clearer now, started walking towards him when everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Virgil awoke, he was in his room on his bed. Everything looked normal, except the room was actually clean. The black figure was sitting on the floor next to his bed, eyes closed. His back was to the bed and his hair was covered by a black bowler hat. Virgil, now being able to see, gasped. The person’s face was half scaled, like a snake. He wore all black with touches of yellow and a bowler hat to match. The person opened his eyes and looked at Virgil.

“Oh, you’re finally awake.” He said, smiling. “Who might you be?”

Virgil shied away from him, shuffling quickly into the far corner of his bed against the wall.

“Not much of a talker, huh? Well, you can call me Deceit. And yeah, I am what the name implies. Just don’t tell Thomas about me, okay?”

Virgil gave a slow nod, already feeling more comfortable around him.

“Now, considering what I’ve heard, you’re Anxiety, right? Does this ‘Anxiety’ have a name?”

Virgil reached across his nightstand for his notebook. “My name is Virgil. Just don’t tell the others.”

“Hey, I’m not the only one with a secret. Good to know!”

The two gave each other a warm smile. Virgil didn’t know how, but he felt more at home with this stranger. He even had the courage to tell him his name. There was just something different about him. It was almost like he could see himself inside him. Someone who was lost, cast away, and just wanted a friend.

Just then, pounding steps came down the hall, followed by Patton aggressively opening the door.

“IS MY SON OKAY DECEIT???” He screamed, panting.

“Yes, Patton, he’s fine.”

“Are you doing that thing where you lie again?”

“Okay, I have told you guys over and over again, I don’t always lie.”

“Okay, sorry, D.” He turned to Virgil and sat on his bed. “What happened, kiddo?”

Virgil, already fighting back tears, grabbed his notebook and started writing. It took him awhile, but Patton was patient.

“Well, Roman came in my room after lunch. He was mad at me and told me not to screw things up. Then he got angry and tore up my sweater. I blacked out just as Deceit came in and stopped him.”

Patton was shocked. He could barely move. His eyes were wider than Virgil had ever seen, and his heartwarming smile was long gone.

“...L-Logan..!” He weakly yelled.

Logan quickly entered the doorway. “Yes Patton? Is Anxiety healthy?”

“H-he’s fine… look at this—“

Logan read through the note. His expression quickly matched Patton’s, and he turned to Virgil.

“I… I can’t believe this. I am so sorry, Anxiety. Truly, I am.”

“What are we going to do?” Patton asked.

“Well we have to confront Roman.”

“But what if he lashes out at us too?”

“Patton, I— wait, are you being anxious?”

Patton looked down at himself. He looked at his hand, which was rubbing Virgil’s leg.

“S-sorry! I didn’t even realize what I was doing.” Patton quickly pulled his hand away, to Virgil’s disappointment. All he wanted was to be comforted, but he couldn’t even do that without messing something up.

“It’s fine. Should we get Roman now?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

The two walked off, looking worryingly at each other, leaving Deceit and Virgil alone again. They glanced at each other before Deceit popped the question.

“Virgil… did he hurt you?”

Virgil didn’t know how to respond. I mean, he made him cry and pushed him around a little while taking off his sweatshirt. But he didn’t even know if Roman physically hurt him.

Virgil just shook his head.

“Okay, if you insist.”

Deceit got up and walked across the floor. He stooped down and picked up the torn and broken hoodie on the floor.

“Wow, he really wrecked this…” he mumbled. There were rips and tears on every side; even the hood. He bent down again and grabbed the right sleeve on the ground that had been completely cut off.

“I’m assuming you don’t want this anymore?” He asked, holding the hoodie for Virgil to see. Virgil was debating whether he should keep it or not, but before he could respond, Deceit threw it in the trash bin anyways.

“Hey, what time is it?” Virgil wrote.

Deceit read the note. “Oh, it’s around 9:00. You were out for awhile, Virge.”

“I think I’m going to try and rest.”

“Oh, okay. See you soon.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometime in the night, Virgil woke up to the sound of rustling around in his room. He barely opened his eyes to see a figure sitting on the floor, hunched over something. Virgil sat up, careful not to make any noise and disrupt the strange person in his room. He silently got out of bed and finally saw Roman sitting criss cross on the floor. There was a small box next to him filled with different types of string and yarn. Virgil walked over to his nightstand, scribbled something on a paper airplane he made the day before, and threw it swiftly at Roman. It landed in front of him perfectly, so he picked it up and read it.

“Hey Princey, whatcha doing?”

The figure turned around to see a curious Virgil looking back down at him.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”

Virgil sat down next to Roman with his notebook. “No, you’re fine.”

There was a short silence between them before Roman spoke. “Aren’t you mad at me?”

“I mean, yeah, but I’m just curious on what you’re doing in my room.”

“Oh… I…” Roman looked down at what was lying in his lap. Virgil could see it too now.

“Is that my hoodie from last night?”

Though it looked very different, Virgil still liked the design. There was dark purple plaid stitched into wherever the fabric was torn. The stitches were thick and white, and they held together the sweatshirt perfectly.

“I-I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, Anxiety. You’re new, quiet, and didn’t deserve what I did to you. So… I wanted to at least try to make up for it. I know you like purple, so I fixed this up for you…”

Virgil was star struck. It was perfect; anything he could dream of in a hoodie. He put it on, eyes sparkling. Roman noticed this and gave a small chuckle.

“I knew you’d like it.” He said, standing up and reaching out a hand to Virgil. “Here, let’s start fresh: Greetings! I am Prince Roman, and I take place as Thomas’s creativity. I apologize for anything I have done to you.”

Virgil, hesitant at first, grabbed Roman’s hand and stood. He grabbed his notebook and stared down at it. After a moment of silence, he threw the notebook down on the floor.

“H-Hey,” Virgil spoke with a shaking voice, “I am Anxiety, and I’m Thomas’s… well… Anxiety. I forgive you, Roman.”

Before he could even look up to see Roman’s reaction to his voice, he was pulled into a tight hug. Slowly, he hugged him back, and within minutes, the two were sitting up against the side of Virgil’s bed, sound asleep.

[necros-writings]

Character Questions Tag!

Thank you thank you, @pens-swords-stuff for tagging me! I love doing these!

Rules: Answer the following questions for one of your characters and then tag others to answer the same questions for their OCs.

I don’t do too much for Ethan, so I’ll do this for my darling tinkering boy!

1. What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? Oddly enough, the first element of Ethan that I remember considering is the warehouse he lives in. Largely inspired by Warehouse 13 and an imaginary factory I “ran” as a kid, Ethan’s warehouse was actually the first thing closely tied to him to exist! After it came into being, I realized that someone lived there! Thus, Ethan!

2. Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind? Actually, Ethan used to, in a way, be a part of a larger, more nebulous character from when I was younger and, like I said in the previous answer, became a character in his own right with the realization that the warehouse needed someone! That nebulous character actually had the foundations of nearly all my characters.

3. How did you choose their name? Ethan was originally named after me, particularly my first middle name, since it was unique and, at the time, I didn’t go by it. Since having started answering to that name, I had to change it and...Ethan just seemed to fit. He currently doesn’t have a last name though.

4. In developing their backstory, what elements of the world that they live in played the most influential parts? Like I said, the warehouse was a big part in deciding to make him, so the warehouse’s purpose, to aid and shelter the decided Tinker while they work. Ethan is that Tinker and that was decided long before he existed.

5. Is there any significance behind their hair color? No, none. The only interesting bit about it is that it’s a sort of bleached blond naturally, since he’s albino, but he, irregularly, dyes it black.

6. Is there any significance behind their eye color? Nope! Most of the time people don’t see them anyway, cause he wears his goggles, which are almost always in sunglasses mode so he can actually see around him. But his eyes are red, cause of the albinism. He’s full albino, so there’s like...no pigment, anywhere.

7. Is there any significance behind their height? Nah. The heights of my characters are just thought of at random moments and then that’s it. Though I haven’t settled on his height.

8. What, if anything, do you relate to within their character/story? His constant desire to start new projects. Granted, that may have been inspired by me. But he’s usually got several projects going at once, though he actually finishes them.

9. Are they based off of you in some way? Largely in how focused he can be on what he’s making and also in how he interacts with people. 

10. Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation? Originally he was just straight up...straight. He he he. But in all seriousness, it was only earlier this year (don’t ask me when, this year has been all over the continuity of time) that I realized he was asexual. It just kinda hit out of nowhere and I was like ‘Ohhhh, that explains a lot.’

11. What have you found to be the most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art; writing, drawing, edits, ect.)? Well, the most difficult bit has actually been doing it. For a long time, Ethan was my only character that I’d put thought into, but then Mason and John and the others came along and he, unfortunately, got shoved back.

12. How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all? Actually, it used to planned up all the way to when and how he died, but now...shit, I dunno.

13. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?   1. He’s kinda awkward and tough to really engage with.

2. He’s not terribly interested in the general goings-on of things outside his tinkering. Unless it involves him or his friends, leave him to his creations.

14. What is something about your OC that can make you laugh? God, he’s such a little shithead, but it’s quiet, ya know? Like, you probably won’t notice he’s said or done anything, but he probably has.

15. What is something about your OC that can make you cry? God uh...his backstory. Cause despite the changes I’ve made, the basis of it is pretty much still there. And...damn, it’s sad, in a way.

16. Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story? Uh...this is really a more recent regret, but his illness. And it’s mostly a regret cause of all the shit that’s been going on in my own family and life, but also...cause in a way, it limits him. It limits what I can do with him. But I won’t toss it. It’s an important part.

17. What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC? Like I said earlier, learning that he was asexual was a very recent thing. 

18. What is your favorite fact about your OC?   That of all my non-human OCs, he is, when he shuts off his little disguising gadget thing, he actually doesn’t appear human. He’s very different looking and there’s no way someone could mistake him for human. (Also, just to add in, he is not the only asexual character I have. I am well aware of how shitty that would be and it also makes sense for the other main character that will be asexual.)

Tagging: @tiredbard @squeaky-floorboards @blueberrypoptart @writings-of-a-narwhal @azri-the-furball-midnite @strawberryspaceship @abbysbite @khrysantemvm @minny-king @icycatgirlwrites and whoever sees this and wants to do it! (If I didn’t tag you and my post is what made you wanna do this, please tag me! I wanna see!)

Thank you again for the tag and I loved doing this! If anyone has any further questions about Ethan, feel free to send in asks!

[sandersstudies]

I Do(n’t) Understand - Part I

Hey, friend-os! I was so flattered and blown away by the response to my first short Sanders Sides fic that I decided to try my hand at a longer piece. Please let me know what you think, I really do go through tags and comments regularly, and input makes my heart happy! 

Warnings: (SPOILERS) Some arguing/crying, minor panic attack, a minor physical injury. There is NO sexual content, swearing, or blood - it’s important to me to keep my Sanders Sides fics accessible, especially considering that so many Fanders are <18. If more warnings are needed, let me know. 

Pairings: Not romantic (but could be interpreted that way); expect platonic moxiety; platonic analogical. (More platonic pairings in later chapters.) 

Words: 2987

A healthy mix of fluff and angst this chapter, please enjoy! Feel free to message me and let me know if you want to be added to a tag list. (Also, just message me about whatever - I like getting to know Fanders!)

I Do(n’t) Understand - Part  2  3  4  5  6  7  8

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Roman was ready to conjure a samurai sword and take Logan’s whole face off. “Get on with it, Bitter Holmes and Gardens.”

Logan was leaning against the door to his room, listening for noise from the hallway. “Keep your volume low.”

“Gan,” Roman said.

“This is no time for paronomasia, and Patton has already made that joke.” Logan pulled away from the door.  

“And why isn’t Patton here to make it again, might I ask?”

“Roman, it is my intention to keep the mindspace as undisrupted as possible, and that means ensuring that neither Thomas’ heart nor anxiety feels too distressed.”

“But Thomas knows about Deceit now! Keeping things from those two isn’t going to help anything.”

“I am confident in my ability to remove Deceit or, at the very least, to reduce his influence.” Logan paced the room with his hands held at the small of his back. His knuckles were white, but his palms were pink where they clasped. Roman couldn’t tell if they shook or not.

“So what do you need me for if you’re so all-powerful?” Roman asked.

Logan’s hands were definitely shaking now. He looked at Roman, pink in the face.

“In the… absence of reason, sometimes another approach is needed.”

“What are you talking about?”

“In light of recent events, I think it is only appropriate to consider utilization of a Plan B, should it become necessary.” Logan’s eyes were bright behind his glasses. He took a deep breath which shuddered around his sternum. “If Deceit were to try to deceive us again, it’s not improbable that he would try to do so through me, especially considering my current confidence that I can overcome his attempts with logic.”

Roman couldn’t look at Logan’s eyes. Logan had never asked for help like this before; it seemed like he had never needed it. Roman felt an uncomfortable twinge in his stomach.

“So what do you want me to do?” Roman asked.

“I won’t pretend I believe that the sword will ever conquer the pen,” Logan said. “But in some cases, the sword is necessary.” He sat on his bed and took off his glasses. They dangled from one hand as he pinched the bridge of his nose with the other. He screwed his eyes up, and the twinge in Roman’s stomach elongated and coiled around his intestines.

“Do you really think it’ll work?” Roman asked.

“My deductions are inconclusive,” Logan said. “Evidence is scarce, but it’s there. If nothing else, you should be able to intimidate Deceit enough to drop his act.” Logan chuckled one syllable. “You’re quite intimidating when you want to be.”

“What’s this evidence you have?” Roman asked. He’d never asked Logan that before.

“They’re just fragments,” Logan said. He stood up by pushing off his knees with his palms. He shoved his glasses up his nose as he shuffled a few pieces of scrap paper. “Short notice, and all that.” He tried to block the scraps with his body. “It’s usually not this disorderly in here, really,” he whispered.

“It’s okay.”

Logan cleared his throat. “I wish I had more knowledge a priori, but-”

“English, Doc,” Roman interrupted. “Or Spanish.”

“I have a predilection for theoretically established knowledge derivable from universal principle deduction, rather than exiguous empirical data,” Logan said. He turned around and held up a scrap of paper. “Here: remember Thomas’ imperfect audition?”

“Of course, I was sore for days.” Roman decided to not bother asking for English a second time. “Predilection” was as far as he’d followed, and that sounded like a medical procedure.

“Bruised? In pain?”

“Yes.”

“And wasn’t Virgil lightheaded when we rose out of Patton’s room? And then, what did Deceit say right before Patton reappeared?” Logan’s words tumbled out.

“That…that it didn’t hurt him at all?”

“Correct!” Logan said. “He was lying, which means that he was in pain.”

“So sides can get hurt. Physically.”

“In a way,” Logan said. “Which means…”

“I can take Deceit’s whole face off.”

***

Virgil slid his headphones around his neck. “Everything okay, Pat?”

“Hmm?” Patton broke out of his reverie and blinked at Virgil several times.

“You’ve been staring at the stairs for ten minutes now.”

“Just thinking, kiddo,” Patton said, looking at his hands in his lap. “Roman and Logan sure have been up there for a while.”

“I’m sure everything’s okay,” Virgil said. Patton didn’t respond. “You want me to go check on them, or -”

“It’s okay.” Patton stood. “I think I’ll make dinner.”

Virgil glanced at the clock. It was three-thirty. He leaned against the couch, eyes closed, and listened to Patton moving things in the kitchen.

Virgil’s heart wasn’t pounding; his body wasn’t shaking. He could hear the faint crackle of music playing in his headphones. Nothing serious could be wrong with Thomas when Virgil felt so calm. The only thing bothering him was Patton’s behavior.

He opened his eyes. Patton was walking back and forth in the kitchen, picking things up and putting them back just where he’d found them.

***

“We have to tell the others,” Roman insisted. “You said yourself that knowledge is power.”

“It is my intention to preserve peace in the mindspace, Roman,” Logan insisted. “I’m hesitant to involve emotions in such a sensitive topic.”

“You’ll only be hurting the both of them if you keep things from them,” Roman said. “You’re so attached to your knowledge that you can’t bear to share it.”

“And you’re so determined to show off your ideas that you won’t keep them to yourself even for the safety of others,” Logan snapped. “Aren’t you always trying to be the protective one?” He took a step closer. Roman could hear a heart pounding, and wasn’t sure if it was his own or Logan’s. “I’m trying to keep the two of them safe.”

“And aren’t you supposed to be the smart one?” Roman asked. “What happened to seeking knowledge if you’re afraid of getting hurt?”

“There are many factors at stake that you fail to understand, and I can’t expect myself to dumb them down to your level-”

“Others have feelings, Logan. But I guess you don’t know what those are!”

Logan took a step back. His lips were parted; his eyebrows arched, then narrowed. He pressed his fists against his sides.

Roman whirled and pulled Logan’s door open. He stopped just short of barrelling over Patton, who stood with one hand raised as if about to knock.

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton whispered. The twinge that had been snoozing in Roman’s abdomen reared up to clamp around his esophagus. Roman felt his shoulders shaking, and he braced himself against Logan’s door frame.

“What do you want?” The words came out harsher than he had meant.

Patton’s brows furrowed, and Roman felt pinned like a bug between two sets of bespectacled eyes. The twinge was in his throat, and his ribcage was shivering as his heart convulsed inside. He bit his lip. Was this how Virgil felt during a panic attack?  

“Was just making dinner, and-”

“We’ll be down later, Pat, it’s really not a good time.” Roman shoved past Patton and slammed Logan’s door behind him. He ducked into his own room before he had a chance to see Patton’s face sink.

***

Virgil had started cutting up carrots for Patton, humming along to his music as he did so. A door slammed somewhere in the mindspace, and he took his headphones off again. A second door slammed. He looked around. Patton wasn’t in the kitchen anymore.

Virgil heard slow feet on the stairs.

“Hey, I didn’t notice you leave, Pat,” Virgil said, moving the sliced carrots from the cutting board to a bowl. “Guess my volume’s turned up too high again, huh?” Patton had been getting after him about that for weeks, and even Logan had added something about safe decibel levels.

Patton didn’t respond. Virgil turned around, but Patton’s back was to him. Patton pulled onions out of the fridge and put them on another cutting board.

“What’re we making, soup?” Virgil asked. How strange to be the one starting conversation, for once. Patton made a small sound of assent.

Virgil’s stomach shifted. Something wasn’t right.

Deceit again? Virgil thought. No, this wasn’t like that.

Patton sniffed over the crisp crunching of the onion he was chopping.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Virgil asked, moving to stand next to Patton.

“Onions,” Patton muttered, dropping the knife and fumbling with his wrist under his glasses to rub his eyes. His shoulders started to heave, and a sob broke free from his throat. He slapped one hand over his mouth. The deceitful motion made Virgil’s stomach churn again.

“Onions don’t do that, Pat.” Virgil rested his hand on Patton’s shoulder. It was warm. Virgil moved his hand to the other arm and pulled Patton into an embrace. He couldn’t tell which of them was shaking but heard his own voice whispering. “Hey, you’re okay, you’re okay.” He felt dampness on his shoulder as Patton’s face reddened and sweated. Tears and snot smeared into Virgil’s hoodie, and Patton’s glasses dug into Virgil’s neck as they were knocked askew. Patton’s fingers grasped the cloth of Virgil’s hoodie, and Virgil placed his hand on the back of Patton’s head.

***

Virgil played his music low as he sat on the coffee table to think. He had finally convinced Patton to drink two glasses of water and go to bed. He had listened at the door until Patton’s even breathing convinced him that all was well. He considered confronting Roman or Logan; they would apologize to Patton if they realized how upset they’d made him. 

Patton had told Virgil he’d heard arguing in Logan’s room. Virgil cupped his own face in his hoodie-paws. What would creativity and logic be arguing about? Granted, the two of them were both opinionated and often at odds, but their tiffs never escalated into anything serious. Sure, Roman overreacted over anything: the other sides all remembered the Mrs. Fluffybottom incident. But Logan was much calmer. Anybody could push his buttons with a falsehood, but a full-on argument was rare. Virgil was proud at the way Logan had struck down Deceit with his level-headed reasoning.

Deceit. Could he be the reason that Roman and Logan were fighting? Virgil hadn’t felt uneasy all day, so he was confident Deceit hadn’t entered the mindspace.

Virgil watched the stars come out through the window, but he didn’t turn on any lights. He’d have to be more aware the next time, so Deceit couldn’t lead them along. He still felt he had to protect Patton, but suspected that Deceit was too smart to try the same stunt twice. The one he worried about the most was Roman; Princey was more easily manipulated with compliments than Patton, and more emotionally charged than Logan; a bad combination.

Virgil heard footsteps on the stairs. Logan walked into the kitchen, his hands held behind him. He didn’t look up from his feet.

“Hey,” Virgil said.

Logan started. He clasped one hand over his heart and flicked the light switch with the other. He relaxed when the obscure dark figure in the living room was illuminated; Virgil perched like a cat on top of the coffee table. The shadow of his bangs turned him into little more than a mouth and hair, framed by a hood pulled over bulky headphones.

“Virgil,” Logan said in a strangled tone. He cleared his throat. “Virgil. I apologize for my overreaction. I assumed everyone would be asleep considering the late hour. What are you doing awake at this time?”

“Could ask you the same thing.” Virgil pulled off his hood, and the headphones tumbled to rest around his neck like jewelry.

Logan “hmm”ed. His eyebrows wagged and he nodded like he was unsure what to do with his face. He turned and went into the kitchen.

“I’ve been pondering some ideas.” Logan started filling the teakettle with water from the tap. “Some ideas more complex than I’ve considered in some time.”

“I probably wouldn’t understand, then,” Virgil joked, hoping his tone would cheer Logan up. Logan fumbled the teakettle as it overflowed. He turned off the tap and put the kettle on the stove.

“Yes, well…” Logan rubbed his hands together as if drying them off. “You shouldn’t give yourself too little credit, Virgil.”

“Thanks, I think.”

Logan stood suspended in the kitchen facing Virgil for a few long seconds.

“There’s plenty of couch. If you want,” Virgil said.

“No, no thank you.” Logan jerked his hand into a cabinet, searching for tea bags. “I’ll just be making my tea and going back to my room.”

“You might want to turn the stove on first,” Virgil suggested.

Logan paused with one hand still groping inside the cabinet. He blinked at Virgil, and then at the stove. “Ah, yes, well.” He walked to the stove and turned it on. “A foolish oversight on my part.”

“Everything okay, Professor?” Virgil asked.

“Yes, certainly,” Logan responded, almost cutting Virgil off. “I don’t know why you would infer otherwise.”

“You seem a little off,” Virgil said.

“I suppose I’ve been thinking about other things,” Logan admitted. “But I’m…Gucci, Virgil.” He bared his teeth with pride at his use of a modern slang term.

“You’re more Ralph-Lauren to me,” Virgil said. Logan blinked, and Virgil didn’t try to revive the joke. The teakettle steamed.

“Listen, Patton’s pretty upset,” Virgil said. He watched Logan’s stiff grin fall. Logan turned around to stare at the tea kettle; faint bubbling was audible inside.

“I would like to confer with him,” Logan said after a few seconds. He took his favorite mug from the counter. “Is he also awake?”

“He’s asleep.”

“I see. I don’t wish to disturb his circadian rhythms.”

Virgil didn’t respond. He couldn’t tell from Logan’s tone whether he was concerned about sleep cycles or if he was abashed to face Patton.

“I regret that he is upset, but I believe that Roman is the one who ought to make an apology,” Logan went on as he took the teakettle off of the stove. “He was terse with Patton, and I believe it may have been that which led to Patton’s distress.” The teakettle was heavy with water, and Logan strained to pour it.

“Listen, Logan-” Virgil said. The sound of Logan’s mug shattering against the floor cut him off.

Logan clasped his hand into a fist. He ought to have known better than to try and pour boiling liquid from such a heavy container. He felt his body responding to the shocking feeling and noise by shaking. His hand throbbed where the boiling water had spilled, and he could feel his heart pounding both in his chest and in his hand. Logan was surprised; he’d expected a burn of this kind to cause pain on the surface, but the scald dug deep into his hand, stabbing from the inside. This was further evidence for his research, and now he’d experienced the sensation for himself.

Virgil was at his side. He towed Logan by the arm around the broken mug to yank his hand under the tap. The cool water ran, and Logan felt immediate relief. The shaking subsided.

“What’s wrong with you?” Virgil asked, suppressing the shaking in his own voice. “Lost your sense of feeling?” He continued to hold Logan’s hand under the running water, even though Logan would have held it there himself if permitted.

Logan touched the red place where the water had scalded him. It stung.

“Stay there,” Virgil said, turning around to grab a handcloth.

“Be cautious,” Logan said. “There is glass on the floor.”

“Obviously,” Virgil said. He covered his hand with a towel and started to pick up the pieces. He reached under the stove and fridge to capture shards which had been flung out by the force of impact. He deposited them in the trash can and wiped the floor dry. “How’s your hand?”

“Improving, I believe,” Logan said. He tried to remember reading about how to treat burns.

“Let me see,” Virgil said. He turned the tap off. “Can I?” He was holding another towel.

“Certainly. The area should be cleaned.” Logan remembered that from an article he’d read.

Virgil touched Logan’s hand with the cloth and felt him flinch.

“Does that hurt?” Virgil’s eyes gazed through his bangs, but Logan wasn’t making eye contact.

“Only a little.”

“Don’t lie to me, Teach.”

“It does hurt quite a bit.”

“Put it back under the water,” Virgil said. “I’ll be back.”

Logan watched the water run over his hand as Virgil’s steps faded. The epidermis was flushed, but not blistering. From his preliminary observations, there was no damage to the subcutaneous tissue, despite the deep tingling sensation he felt. He opened and closed his fingers, considering which movements caused pain and which did not. How frustrating that it was his writing hand.

Virgil appeared back at his side. He was so light-footed that Logan hadn’t heard a thing.

“Keep it there another minute,” Virgil said. He unloaded the contents of a first-aid kit on the counter.

“You seem to know a lot about burns,” Logan said. He felt a slight flutter of pride in his chest.

“Only because Princey burns me every day,” Virgil said.

“Excuse me?”

“I’ll make you a vocab card later,” Virgil said. “Okay, give me your hand.”

Logan flexed once Virgil taped the gauze in place. He’d retained most of his range of motion despite the inflammation of the epidermis and the bulk of the bandage.

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing.” Virgil looked at the ground. “Sorry you never got your tea. Want me to make you some?”

“No thank you, I think I’d better get to sleep.” Logan started for the stairs, still flexing his hand. “Oh, and Virgil?” He paused and glanced over his shoulder. “For an optimal sleep cycle, you should do the same.”

“Okay, Teach.”

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I Do(n’t) Understand - Part  2  3  4  5  6  7  8

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[cgmayra]

Commission Receipt

My Commission Info (x) Hire me!

@solerwolf21 One-Shot - Soler Story (His Sonic OC)

Time: A few hours to plot out and then a day to write, another day to draw. 10 pages (+4 more, cause I like to give you more for your money >w<) and a drawing.

Amount Paid: 5$, 3$ for story, 2$ tip which gave him a free drawing for his kindness. ;w;

Review: @solerwolf21  “Cutirgirlmayra does a great job at accommodating to her customers requests with their stories. She’s very friendly and open to any and all ideas they have and want to be included in there request. If there is an Original Character(s) involved then she ask for any and everything about the character to make sure she can capture that character the way the customer envisioned while adding a breath of fresh air to them with her unique and passion filled writing style. This added with the fair prices she gives I’d recommend her to anyone in need of some help with a story or just want to see how someone else takes a bit of a spin on their ideas and make them come to light.”

Finished Product: (An example of my work.) -under the ‘read more’ is the drawing and One-Shot story.- a provided example of what I sell, permission to advertise according to rules and customer discretion was given.  

The Sun’s Redemption

After some minor missions with the Freedom Fighters, Soler was documenting his findings on a recent Eggman attack, recounting the parts and dimensions of the new robot designs him and the other fighters found for Tails and Rotor to look into later. He liked being useful like this, and Tails and Rotor seemed genuinely thankful for keeping a record like this.

Soler, while fiddling with the documents, pushed his quills back and pulled the lower ones down to their natural curl upwards. It was a fluid movement, the white of his fur with the peach oval and white tuff that barely looped his shoulders shimmered slightly in the low lighting of the base…

His deep blue streaks over his quills glistened lightly as he passed the hallway lights into the office rooms of the secret base, deep in the brush of nature, and away from Eggman’s ever-searching eye.

The paper flipped over his white gloves with black crossing lines in the center of them, counting the pages to make sure he had everything from the rest of his team that were with him during the mission. His emerald green eyes scanned the documents until satisfied with what was written upon them.

The tapping of his crimson shoes with the same x-marked pattern overlapping each other rang with low toned echoes against the hard floor.

While he was about to finish setting the piles of notes and observations onto a nearby desk, he heard a loud and disapproving whine that turned his ears towards the commotion.

‘Huh?’ he thought to himself as he looked to see Amy pestering Sonic again.

“You never have any time for me!” she complained, shoving her arms straight down and closing her eyes as she trailed behind him. “Can’t we… I don’t know, have a picnic or something?” she shrugged, a pleading look in her eyes. “I just miss you… you’ve been working a lot lately and-” Soler noticed Sonic was preoccupied with other things, keeping her mostly taking to his back. She reached for a back quill of his, a longing look in her sorrowful eyes before he turned around.

“Not now Amy,” he stated, but it wasn’t harsh or dismissive in the least bit. Mostly, he was just busy, looking over at his communication watch and fanning some other people away from trying to speak with him further as well. “Maybe we can all hang out other time.” he didn’t even look up to acknowledge her, so whatever he was doing, it must have been pretty important.

Amy took a few steps after him, her hand still reaching before stopping and holding her hands close to her chest.

“...Maybe…” was she questioning him or agreeing to his statement? Soler couldn’t tell.

Seeing her face though… he felt something in his heart go out to the girl.

It made him a little mad, to say the least.

He wandered over, trying to not draw too much attention to himself and looked off after Sonic, standing next to Amy. “...He’s probably just protecting you.” He stated, “Doesn’t want…” he stopped himself, looking down and seeming forlorned now. “To cause you any pain.” Soler’s body froze up, little protruding icicles pierced slowly against his skin. It was aggravating, to say the least. Here’s someone who cares so much about Sonic, and yet, he doesn’t know what he has. No… it’s opposite. Amy doesn’t realize how much danger she places herself in… just because he exists.

‘Existence… So many lives could be spared if just certain people didn’t exist.’ He frowned inwardly for a moment before turning his attention back to Amy, giving her a plucky smile. “He’ll be okay. It’s you he’s probably worried about.”

“Huh?” Amy tilted her head, looking confused on his thought process. “Soler?” she shifted her body and came him a cute pout, placing her hands on her hips and leaning forward in authority. “I’m your senior fighter, sir! What makes you think I can’t take care of myself?”

“Come on, Soler! I’m a big girl now! Can’t you let me run up the hill on my own for a change?”

“Gah..!”

Soler shook his head, blinking his eyes as he stepped back.

‘Was that… it can’t be.’

“Soler?” Amy leaned away, seeming worried her joke may have frightened him. “I-... I didn’t mean to make you jumpy. You alright?”

She leaned her hand up to his head, “You seem a little pale… well, paler than usual, haha!” she kid again, but there was a fear in his eyes as he skittishly moved away from her hand.

“I… I have to go. Sorry.” he quickly looked away, rushing out as Amy hollered after him.

“Soler! Wait!” she took off after him. “What’s going on? What’s his problem anyway?” she pouted, worried she may have hurt his feelings.

Up on a hill near a shady tree while the winds beat against the leaves and the sun still peeked over the grassy plain, hanging on to the horizon’s ledge outside the Freedom Fighter’s base was Soler, sitting under the tree and sighing with a sniff in his nose.

He wasn’t crying, just cold.

His body shivered slightly and warmed himself up with a few rubs on his arms and legs. He didn’t mean to shove his business into Amy’s life… she was her own person, and he usually found her adoration for Sonic sweet. But today he just felt like it could have been…

“Luna!” Soler was much younger now, rushing up the hill as he stumbled a little but held his footing. “Your father’s worried sick about you!”

A beautiful silver-quilled hedgehog with quills that blew gracefully in the wind stood in front of the setting sun, smiling towards it before turning just ever so slightly towards Soler. The smile made him pause in his stride to her, admiring the breathtaking silhouette of the girl. It had taken him a while to own up to his feelings, but now that he had, it was a bit overwhelming to say the least. Her purple dress trailed to the side of her as she moved her blue bangs away from eye.

“And what about you, Soler..?” she giggled, “Are you worried about me too?”

He held the necklace she used to wear, silver with a sphere of black that would light up according to the moon’s glowing phase. It would be out soon… then he could see what the moon looked like. Clouds blocked his vision the last few nights, so the necklace was like holding a miniature moon in his hands. It was her namesake… and because of her, it was his treasure.

She didn’t seem so far when the moon came out. Maybe Amy felt like that too. As long as she could still be around Sonic, it wasn’t so bad…

‘Amy… I’m sorry.’ he gripped his white chest fur… bending down slightly at the pain of guilt that fed into his heart and locked itself away with no windows to let some air in and relieve him of the agony.

Was he just doomed to cause pain and trouble?

“Soler!”

His head flicked up, shocked to hear his name shouted so close to the edge of the Base’s secret camp. “A-Amy?” he turned back, but couldn’t see anything within the heavy forested jungle…

His eyes scanned with a squint that helped him see a little crisper—the fine details of the landscape—but still, no pink dots were popping up.

He was about to get up and search for her, worried she may be in trouble, or most likely get into it. But as he stepped his foot out to get under himself and stand, Amy charged from behind and tackled him. He reflexed and used his training to stiffen his arms out on the ground, keeping him from tumbling over as she laughed and released him, sitting beside him next to the tree.

“Got you! Haha! What are you doing way out here? Admiring the fading sunbeams?” she grinned eagerly, wanting to speak with him as she looked over the sunset… “It’s beautiful.” she commented, “Because it won’t set forever.”

He seemed confused, turning around and tried to hold back any frustration he felt at being spooked. It was… kinda funny, but it really surprised him!

“W-what are you doing here? I could have accidentally fought you off if you hadn’t said anything!” he dusted himself off and sat back down, looking a bit like he wanted to scold her but held it back. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re not hurt.” he sighed, relaxing back and letting the tension leave his body.

“I really surprised you, huh?” she laughed before looking over at the colors in the darkening sky again. “Sonic says the same thing…”

Soler looked away, feeling bad again. “About today... “ he began, scratching the back of his head as he sat more upright, not wanting to slouch. “Pink… I’m sorry about what I said.” he held his hands together out in front of him, loosely, only having the fingers intertwined.

“I wish I wasn’t there. Then I wouldn’t have said anything.”

“What?” Amy turned back to him, not sure what he was getting at. “What are you talking about? I’m happy you’re here.” she gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder. “I’m not sure what prompted the sudden warning, but I’m sure it was out of kindness.”

He turned away. “Yeah… well… I’m still sorry for disturbing you. You and Sonic… that’s completely different than mine…”

“Your..? Your what?” Amy removed the hand from his shoulder, tilting her head further in her confusion. “Soler… is there something you want to talk about?”

He flinched, “N-not really…” he looked back at the sun, hoping to change the subject. “You said something about the sun’s beauty being so because it fades? What do you mean by that?” He thought fast, a bit interested, but mostly to get her on another topic.

She did just that, starting to ramble. “Hehe! The colors, silly! The sight doesn’t last forever… that’s what makes it so beautiful. You have to be there, in the moment, the fleeting colors spread across the sky and capture your heart and imagination… What’s beautiful is that you treasure it longer because it’s not there all the time.”

He clung to his lunar necklace…

“The sun has to leave so the moon can rise and give a whole new experience to the earth…”

He turned his head away, closing his eyes tightly shut as the pain of his heart’s pricking icicles suddenly turned deadly and twisted into the sides of his heart.

“I know.” His voice wavered a moment, his true feelings coming out. “I know what that means.”

“...Soler?” Amy tenderly turned back, “Ah! Are you hurt!?” she moved in front of him, reaching out to see what he was clutching too.

His eyes opened wide, a new memory resurfacing…

“You’re hurt!”

Luna charged after him, seeing him trying to hide his wound.

“It’s fine.” He tried to gently usher her away, not wanting her to feel bad about his own injury. “It was…” he looked up a moment, seeing her eyes sparkle in their loving care. “...Worth it.” he was taken aback a moment. Never in his lonely life had he seen someone take so much time out of their own life to care about him this much.

“Nonsense! Here, let me dress that for you.” She stubbornly coaxed him down to the ground, getting out some natural medicine made from the surrounding plant life around her home village and began to treat him. He winced back at the pain, biting his jaw into place as he tried to not show it in front of her. He wanted to grin and bear it, but it wasn’t about trying to act cool in front of her. He just didn’t want her to suffer… watching him bleeding.

“You didn’t have to do that…” she commented, fixing him up before tightening the bandages as he held in another painful cry, puffing his cheeks up with air. ‘Mercy…’ he thought to himself. She smiled at his cute attempt to swallow the air back down but knew what it all meant. “But I’m very grateful you did.” she held him in a stare for a moment, but it felt like a long while to him. Looking into her eyes… was like watching a constellation go by…

She turned with a blush, “So is my father-!” she chimed in, clearing her throat at her obvious nerves that spiked as he didn’t look away from her. “A-and my village! We’re all in debt to your sacrifice and-and…”

He shook his head, a softer side coming out of him as his face turned to one of hope.

“As long as you’re alright, that’s all that matters.”

She turned back to him,... a little boldly, she cupped his face and smiled, hiding her face a bit as she dipped her head shyly and let hair slightly cover her weakened features from his kind words. “Thank you…”

She left it at that and scurried away, but his eyes never left hers, shaking at the touch that filled his cheek with a heat he hadn’t experienced before.

At the time, he didn’t mean anything much by it, only that he was happy to be a hero for a day. But after some time… he realized how much those words really meant,... in a moment… like that…

“Soler? You’re shaking!” Amy worriedly moved away. The daydream state he was in broke and he adjusted himself.

“S-sorry!” he kicked back to get himself sitting uprightly again, “I-I’ve been thinking back a lot on someone lately… it’s… it’s not something you need to concern yourself with though… it’s a sad story.” he thought that may sway her away from asking further, but instead, she sat comfortably down and put her head in her two hands, her elbows resting on the sides of her legs which were in the Indian-style position.

“...You’re not backing down… are you?” Soler smiled, he liked to see her this energetic and invested in people’s lives.

Maybe it would be okay… to tell her a thing or two about himself…

“...Her name was…” he choked up a minute, having to swallow. “Luna…”

As his tale went on, Amy began to tear up, hearing about the village and the girl he loved murdered right before his eyes. “It was all because of me. Neo Metal Sonic framed Shadow, murdered Luna to bring out my power through extreme stress and trauma…” he gripped his hands tightly, shaking them in renewed rage. “Now that I can fight, I want to protect those who can’t protect themselves! I want to make sure no one suffers as much as I did… as much as she did… as they all did…” he looked away. “It’s just better if I wasn’t around, you know? They could have lived their lives in gentle bliss. Up against the windy hills… the soft dirt and the clearest skies I’ve ever seen…” he looked up, seeing the daylight fade into the night.

“Oh!” he quickly fumbled to get his necklace, looking at the shape begin to take form and glow in it.

“Look!” he excitedly turned to show Amy, as she covered her mouth at how excited he looked to witness Luna’s pendant light up as the sun disappeared. “It’s just like you said… she would be here if…” he looked up into the sky. “If…” the glow from the pendant radiated the sight of the moon that rose quickly to the sky in front of him.

It was… amazing.

“It’s a Waning Gibbous or shrinking moon.” He explained, gazing at the stars as they began to come to life before his eyes. He was at peace for a moment, but his heart was still breaking from the ice that fell against the cold cave of his heart. “This is the first phase after the Full Moon occurs. It lasts about 7 days, with the Moon's illumination getting smaller each day until becoming a Last Quarter Moon... then it’ll shine at around half it’s normal glow. It rises after sunsets…” he looked at his necklace, his eyes arching back. “I hate that people can’t be happy unless I’m gone…”

“Nooo!!!” Amy leaped up, her eyes pouring out a storm of tears. “Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that!”

“W-woah!” He scooted back a bit, hitting himself against the tree. “What’s wrong?! Why are you crying!?” he freaked out, worried it was his fault somehow.

“Because she loved you so much!” she began to bawl, moving her hands to her eyes in a little bundle of a fist, crying into them. “Whahhha!!! You loved each other so much! I’m so sorry, Soler! But she wouldn’t want you to go away! She was happy with you!” she wiped her tears away quickly, sniffling and trying to compose herself.

“She was… happy…” Soler dipped his head down, “That’s the problem. She could have continued being happy if I never-”

“NOOOO!!!!” she cried harder, making him flinch back and stay silent this time.

‘W-what’s gotten into her?!’ he was a little freaked out, as Amy continued on.

“You gave her something that no one else could! I believe in destiny, and I believe—that no matter what you think—you two were made to find and save each other. Without her, would you have ever really ventured out to learn about your powers? Find Shadow? Us?”

He remained silent, but a slight bit of sunlight melted some of the cold that had formed in his heart.

“You’re like the sun, Soler! That’s what she loved about you!” Amy leaped forward, grabbing his hands.

“Ah!” he was a bit shocked by her boldness, but this was nothing new.

“You warmed their lives! You may not have been able to control your powers very well, but you did whatever you could to provide for them. Life can’t grow without the sun’s energy, Soler! You gave them something that they loved more than anything! You’re the reason they held such happy smiles on their faces! She loved cause you were you and you were there!” With a heavy heart, he starts to think back on the village. Were they happier before he came..?

No… they were terrified.

But after he came?

They were at peace… children could play safely in the streets and Luna’s Father ruled without worrying about dangers rising up to strike them. They were kept in the dark of their homes in constant panic… but when he showed up… when he came…

He felt a tear roll down his eye, and lifted an amazed finger to it, touching it as it moved.

“But they were taken from me… right before my eyes.” he closed his eyes, letting himself cry in front of her now, unable to hold it back as the ice in his heart that was melting away came out of his eyes. “They ended up suffering worse because of me! I was a little resistant to love them back at first… now I know why… I mean… if I had never gone to that village… I wouldn’t have… she… they all would have lived, wouldn’t they?” he looked at his soaked gloves. “These powers… I don’t know why I have them. All I know is that without Shadow’s help, I couldn’t have learned how to master them. Now I can save those people I couldn’t have before.”

“Soler… they loved you.” Amy moved back, “Why is that so hard to grasp? Even at the end, they were happy… they never could have had that joy if you weren’t there protecting them. Even with your powers untrained… you did everything you could to give them the life they had always wanted. I know if they were here—no… if Luna was here! She’d want you to shine for all the world! Giving light and hope, warmth and safety, to all those who have never known a loving, passionate, burning light like that before!” Amy withdrew her arms only to spring them out wide as the moon shone above her.

“Luna loved you! She loved you cause you were exactly what she needed! She could be the soft glow that lit up the darkness from your lonely, dreary life. She guided you to a purpose… and you gave her everything she had never known before! Soler! You gotta see yourself through her eyes!”

“...Through… her eyes..?”

“Soler…”

Luna turned to him, looking peaceful and relaxed as they sat before the sunset.

“Promise me… when you become the man you want to be… that you’ll never forget moments like this?”

“...What do you mean?” He turned to her, smiling as well as they held hands.

“Hehe!” she giggled, blushing but holding his hand a little tighter back.

“That no matter who needs it. You’ll always shine a ray of hope on whoever needs you. Promise me that?”

“Of course. That’s my only goal in life.”

“It’s a dream, Soler… a dream you can live in the broad daylight.” she looked up at the sun. “...I love that part of you, Soler. The part that won’t let himself be taken by the darkness…”

“Luna…” Soler remembered his dark side… and quickly wanted to warn her about it. “Luna, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Whatever it is, I know you’ll get through it.” she gave him a close-eyed smile, before hopping up and twirling around. “Ohh!!! The moon will be out soon! Quick! Tell me and then we can guess which phase it will be tonight!”

“B-but that’s not fair!” he laughed, “You always know what the moon’s going to be. It’s in your necklace!” she laughed and hid her secret.

“Whhhattt..? You calling me a cheater?” she teased, rushing off.

“Hey! Luna!” he took off after her, as she beckoned him on.

He ended up not telling her, always wanting her to believe he was better than what he thought he really was…

“Then that’s what I’ll do.” He gripped his pendant, standing up. “I’ll make sure to be the Sunrise… for someone trapped in the powers of that intimidating darkness… just like her and her village.” he gave a look of determination to the moon. “I promised her.”

Amy wiped the rest of her tears away, drying them up as she nodded at his new resolve. “Good. I’m with you on that one!” she gave him a thumbs up, and he looked kindly down to her.

“Sonic deserves you, Pinky. I’m sorry I thought it was wrong for you to try and be so close to him.” he offered her his hand.

“Ha! Love conquers all!” she took his hand and got up, heading back to base and waving to him. “You coming?”

“Just a minute!” he called back, looking out into the night…

An engine flared in the distance…

“What? It can’t be!” he could have sworn he knew that noise…

His teeth were borne and he looked behind him. “Run, Amy! Get the others!”

“Huh?” she turned around. “Soler..? What’s going-”

“It’s Neo Metal Sonic!” Soler took off into the night’s cool glow...

[likesugarandcyanide]

Invincible [Chapter 4] Game On [Katsuki Bakugou]

The next ten months is over before I can appreciate them, and the general entrance exam is today; this morning in fact. I wake up early, before the sun, and run the block. The cool, autumn weather freezes me to the bone, but I feel in high spirits. For the first time since I was little I am sure of myself. My will is stronger than before.

Ever since the sludge incident I have trained day-to-day with a balanced routine. But with the third term going, I didn’t get as much done with my emotional training as I would have liked. My quirk still needs practice, but I at least made some improvement. This morning I use the extra time to cram in a little more training.

I stand heal to toe on a narrow, handmade balance beam in the backyard, working on a method to improve my focus. The last time I did this was during the 5th grade for gym, when I was certain being a pro acrobat was the future I wanted. I gave it up, but the memories are still fresh. I doubt it’s something I can forget, like the years of track I endured for the sake of my parents. Muscle memory is a remarkable act. In this case, it helps me to keep my sense of balance while I use my thoughts to rotate the water at my fingertips.

I keep my head up as I slowly walk, focusing on shaping the water into a spiral. It’s not easy; the strain on my head is painful. My limit is only five minutes before the nosebleeds start and I waste two on stopping to collect myself. The liquid loses its shape once, but I focus and secure it. So far, so good.

The end of the beam takes but a steady minute to get to, and once I am done, I will the water to tumble. It feels good for the practice I have put in to work. But the exhaustion is another story. I wipe the sweat from my face and grab my workout gear, deciding that I should eat and probably grab a shower before I leave. But the minute I step into the house I am greeted with the burning smell of grilled fish and overcooked rice.

I curl my nose at this and move into the kitchen where my father is. He stands over the stove, light-colored bangs clipped back, cursing at the mess he made as he attempts to scrape the charred, unidentifiable clumps into the trash bin.

He turns to look at me with a shocked expression as I laugh. “Go ahead, make fun of me, but remember something, you won’t leave this room until you’ve eaten it all.” I laugh even louder at this, but my father only smiles. “This one is a waste, but I can make you another breakfast if you’re hungry.”

“No thank you. I appreciate it, but I will probably grab something small on the way out,” I reply. A big meal right before the hands-on portion of the exam doesn’t sound like an agreeable idea. Eating usually makes me feel sluggish and ready for a nap. I don’t want to risk it, but I still should eat.

As an alternative, I take an apple from the fruit basket on the countertop and begin munching on it while I watch my father clean up. It’s strange to see, because he doesn’t usually do the housework; mother does. But she has been sick a lot recently. I wonder if that has something with the reason why my father is doing this.

“Something wrong, kiddo?” His stern, gentle voice drags me from my thoughts. My guess is that he could sense the look of uncertainty I was giving to him. Still, I shake my head and go back to eating my breakfast.

“Don’t look so down,” he adds, returning to his work. “Bakugou may seem like he’s mad right now, but he does look after you. Give him some time.”

I hum in doubt. This isn’t exactly about Katsuki, but it’s good to know my father puts his trust in him. He used to be team Izuku; a memory that still makes me feel uneasy. I would rather not get into the reason with him, but I also would rather not give my father a reason to interrogate me about this. I hate that I can’t do anything to help mother, but I can’t change fate either.

There is a tightness in my chest that makes me feel like crying, but instead of tearing up, I smile and give my father a gentle smile. “I know. Thank you.”

After I have finished the apple, I take a quick shower, grab my gear, and leave the house. The train is a forty-minute ride to the next station, but I have time to rest. I’ve been thinking too much about all the bad things in my life these past few months that I never stopped to consider the large step I have taken into the future. Hours from now, I could may well be one step closer to becoming a real hero. It is game on from this point.

I smile to myself and stare out the window as the train moves through the city; my very own playing field.

Izuku looks much different than I remember. Didn’t he used to be thinner? I’m amazed by just how much effort he put into working out during the ten months before the start of the new term. His body looks ready to go, and his eyes seem to glow with a new-found strength that he didn’t have before the sludge man incident. Was this really the same frail boy from before?

His attention drifts in my direction, and I realize that I have been looking him over since I ran into him at the station. Things get awkward pretty quick. I attempt to cover up my slipup with an apology, but the nervous look on the teen’s face makes me laugh. He is still the same Izuku; new wrapper but the same old, timid boy.

“No need to be shy. You look great,” I assure him. It’s still a shock to me just how much muscle he gained since I last saw him. He looks so grown up now.

“Thank you, but measured up to the others, I feel the least bit prepared,” he admits quietly. His eyes return to scanning the school grounds as he tightens his fingers around the straps of his backpack. It’s a nervous gesture, I imagine, and I can’t blame him. I’m feeling rather anxious myself and because of this, I honestly don’t know what to say that might help ease him. I’d feel like a bad friend if I got his hopes up.

We move toward the entrance in silence. It’s a cold morning, and I regret not wearing a scarf, but I honestly assume the exam will be held in doors so I didn’t bother. On the other hand, U.A. High is nice. I have yet to see the inside, but the outside is huge. The pavilion we’re passing through is lined in the busts of every hero that ever graduated from the school, and while not many of the initiates are paying attention to them, I find comfort in knowing that so many have gone pro. It means that there’s a chance.

Izuku suddenly stops and nervously covers his mouth with the palm of his hand. He looks like he’s about ready to hurl. I want to help him stay calm, but before I can open my mouth to speak, a voice interrupts me.

“Move aside, Deku.” Katsuki stands behind us, glaring at the teen. His eyes move over to me briefly, but they don’t lose their intense stare. I remember the words my father left with me, and try not to seem troubled by it. He’ll come around, eventually. Even so, his arrogance brings me to feel in doubt with this.

Would it have been different if we’d have broken up that day? I doubt it. Katsuki is himself after all. He spits an insult at Izuku and quickly shoves passed him, but not before he seizes my wrist and pulls me to him. I squeak in surprise, crying out his name as he drags me away.

The blonde gives me the impression that he is annoyed. By what, I’m not sure of, but he’s being insensible with how he is dealing with it. It’s annoying, and his heated grip stings.

“You’re hurting me,” I hiss.

Katsuki immediately lets go, choosing to shove his tightened fists into the pockets of his baggy pants. He is unusually quiet, leaning his body slightly forward as he walks. I am quick to notice that he is listening for something. As we are close to the entrance of the school, I hear it. Katsuki’s name is mentioned amongst a group of male students.

I hear them make mention of the sludge incident and nearly freeze up. I see now; Katsuki is being pitied. Has it been like this for him since day one? I can’t imagine how annoyed he feels. He must hate it. His shivering body suggests bad things to come if he doesn’t calm down. The method he uses on me doesn’t work as well on him, however.

My fingers gently slide around the curve of his arm, luring him close enough that I can lean my cheek against his shoulder. “Thank you for the date last weekend,” I bring up.

Our backs are to them and inside the door before he responds. “That wasn’t a date, idiot. We hiked up a hill, and last time I checked, that’s not considered a date.”

I hum in disapproval. “That’s not exactly true. It doesn’t have to be noteworthy to be considered a date. The point is that we spent time alone together.”

“Whatever floats your boat,” he snorts. I laugh at this; typical Katsuki.

He and I remain silent, walking arm in arm as he leads us through a crown of examinees into the school’s auditorium. The room is massive, but it’s nearly filled beyond capacity. A wave of nervousness fills me. I clutch the teen’s arm and allow him to locate our seats – middle role and directly to the front of the stage. Once we sit, I notice Izuku stumble in. I wave him over and he takes the seat to the left of us. There isn’t much said between the three of us, however, and I realize there is no need for it. The exam is close to beginning.

All of a sudden, the rest of the chatter in the room is drown out. “Welcome one and all to my live show! Everybody say heeeey!” I recognize this loud and direct voice from the radio as belonging to Present Mic. He is an inspiration. I clap enthusiastically, but Katsuki grabs my wrist and pulls my hand into his lap.

“Tone it down a notch, you damned nerd. You’re doing that in my ear,” he snaps.

I quietly apologize. He knows I can’t help it.

The auditorium is silent as the grave as Present Mic continues on, explaining the low-down on the how the exam will be conducted. Each of the examinees are given a card with their picture, name, and battle center on it – labeled A through G. I am in E, but in addition to this are instructions of what each of us will encounter during the ten-minute practice run. While Katsuki is talking to Izuku I steal a glance at his card. He is in center A. I am both sad and relieved that I won’t be joining him; the latter because I would rather not be shown up by him. He’s too good – I admit to that. As I see it, I have no other option but to avoid the area traps – Present Mic explained them to us since an examinee asked about them. They rampage when crowded, but more than that, area traps cost no points. It would be a waste of time to try and fight them, and so I make a vow to avoid them and stack points by taking out the smaller targets. Piece of cake. I can do this.

I come up with a quick exchange, and tug on Katsuki’s hand to get his attention. Once I have it, I lean close to him, feeling my face heat up. “Make a bet with me. Please!” He huffs in annoyance, but doesn’t tell me no. I take this as a sign to continue. “If I score high in the practical exam, I want you to take me on a real date,” I whisper. It’s not like he’d have to go out of his way to impress me.

His eyes soften, but just as quick he narrows them. “Whatever, but if you don’t and you fail, I want you to never mention this damn hero business again.”

I almost disagree, but I understand the necessity of his demands. Katsuki is already against me attending, so this deal going south would be his best attempt to keep me from trying to be a pro hero. He would still more than likely take me on the date, however. I may have bit off more than I could chew. At least I can say I gave it a shot if I fail. “You have a deal,” I agree.

A presentation on school precepts begins on the overhead projector and as much as I try to pay attention I can’t. I am nervous. Suddenly, however my hand stings. Katsuki purposefully burns me. I pull my hand from his, giving it a shake.

“The hell was that for?”

“Focus, or you won’t be getting that date,” he growls. I see. He is trying to stir me up, keep me in the game.

But still, did he have to burn me? He is such a jerk. But he’s right, I do want that date. The uneasiness can wait, I have a game to win. Once, the presentation is over, we part. I follow the cluster of examinees that are in center E to the dressing rooms, before we are ushered out onto the field. I have no idea the struggles I am about to face. 

[imaginekpoplikethis]

7 Years - BadBoy! Jeon Jungkook X Reader - Part 19

I had writers block towards the end so sorry if it seems a little off.

On another note, we have one last part left. One. I can't believe it went so fast. I'm going to miss writing for this story.

If you guys have any final requests for what you'd like to see in the final part let me know. The length of the final part will depend on how much I need to write about.

Thanks for staying with this story guys. 

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10.1  Part 10.2  Part 10.3  Part 11  Part 12  Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Part 18  Part 19 - Here  Part 20 - Final

Days turned into weeks and you soon found yourself on the brink of the end of your last year in school. You had spent all the previous weeks attending library study sessions with Areum and occasionally Hye Mi, as surprising as that is. Your entrance exams had ended long ago however you still made an effort to finish your school year with the best grades you could possibly achieve.

Now that you reached the end of said school year, you found yourself worrying more about what your future held for you. If the universities you wished to attend didn't accept you, where would you go? Jungkook stumbled upon you whilst you were pondering this and quickly dragged you out of your thoughts.

"You're really going to spend the last school week freaking out?" You attempted to smile at him but it instead resembled a grimace and he sighed. He took his usual seat in front of you and rested his face on his palm.

"This week is the week you have to remember the most, loads of things will happen. For example." He pointed towards the doorway of your classroom and in came a face you hadn't seen in quite some time.

Jin Soo.

He strolled in, hands in his pockets and a guilty look spread on his face. He stood before you beside Jungkook and kicked the ground before breaking the silence he had caused.

"I didn't mean to hurt you all those years back, I genuinely liked you. I'm just a jerk though and you definitely didn't deserve what I put you through. I'm sorry." Shocked wasn't the word to describe how you were feeling. Although, you shouldn't have been since Jungkook seemed to be a guardian angel or something along those lines. You knew this was all his work.

"It's fine. I don't want to leave in bad terms, just forget about it. I haven't thought about it in months." Jungkook noticeably smirked at your last comment. He knew he was the reason you hadn't.

Jin Soo didn't smile, he simply nodded his head and pulled a hand out of his pocket, placing it on your shoulder.

"That's great. I'll probably see you around... see you later." You waved to him as he set on his way back to his classroom. When he was out of sight, you snapped your eyes to Jungkook who was now leaning back into the chair, arms folded and a smile dancing on his lips.

"What did you do?" Shrugging his shoulders, he pushed himself up off his seat and glanced towards the door.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." He lifted a hand in greeting to Taehyung, who was now standing at the entrance of the class and bent down to give you a peck on the cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He then sauntered out of the door whilst Taehyung gave you a big grin before disappearing with him. It wasn't uncommon for Jungkook to ditch class; he did so almost every month. However, ditching on the last week made almost no sense at all considering the mini speech he had decided to give you.

You decided not to dwell on it. As long as he wasn't getting into serious trouble then you weren't all that concerned for his safety. Jungkook could most certainly take care of himself, that you knew for sure.

As the school day progressed you found yourself having one sided conversations with Areum. She seemed to be down however, whenever you asked her what was on her mind, she would give you a weak smile and reassure you that everything was fine. You had thought that by the next day she would have returned back to her shy yet joyful self but if anything she seemed to have become even more consumed in sadness.

By Wednesday morning, you had had almost enough of silently watching your friend hide her pain and decided to pester her until you broke her resolve. It turned out her resolve was far more stronger than you thought as she hadn't given you the slightest clue as to what was wrong by the end of the day. When the time came to part ways, she stood a few seconds longer, opening and closing her mouth as if she wanted to say something but then decided against it and waved at you. You watched her slowly make her way down the road until she was out of sight.

You had absolutely no idea what was on her mind and reflecting on the past few days was no help at all. The only noteworthy things you could think of was the amount of people who had stopped by your class to apologise to you for brief, rude interactions you had. However, these had nothing to do with Areum which made you feel even more lost.

There were only two days left and you were determined to make her open up.

-

The next day you spotted her walking alone behind the school at lunch time and you jogged to catch up. When you reached her, you pounced on her back causing her to stumble forward a few steps.

"Hey Areum! What's up?" When she turned around, your eyes widened at her slightly puffy red eyes and without much thought, you wrapped her in a tight hug, gently patting her head.

"What jerk made you cry? I'll beat their ass!" She giggled into your shoulder and you mentally patted yourself on your back for managing to make her laugh.

"I guess you're going to have to beat my parents asses then..."

That was most certainly not what you were expecting to hear.

Minutes later, you found yourself sitting down on the steps leading to the schools court, sipping on a carton of juice. Areum had remained silent, staring at the students playing basket ball. When you had finished your juice, you decided then was the time to pry.

"Sooo... what did your parents do?" She continued staring straight ahead and took a deep breath through her nose before slowly releasing it. You knew you had to prepare yourself for what she was about to tell you in the next few moments but you were sure no amount of time could have prepared you.

"I... I'm moving." Her voice wavered and it was obvious she was holding in tears. You felt a pang in your chest when her words left her mouth and you gave her a strained smile.

"That's fine. What part of town?" She never once looked at you; choosing to continue staring at the now cheering students.

"I'm not moving- ah shit! I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of you." It was extremely rare to hear Areum curse, she hated to do so. When the curse word escaped her, tears started to slide down her face and her lip began trembling.

"Areum...?"

"My parents are making me study abroad. I'm moving out of the country." Your smile had still been plastered on your face at this point, twitching at the corners. Areum moving was something that had never crossed your mind. Deep down you had always had the childish hope that you would remain good friends for the rest of your life, maybe even live near each other at some point.

"Tha-that's fine. We'll just continue video calling each other. It doesn't mean we have to stop being friends." Areum was still refusing to look at you although you soon realised she did not have to judging by her next words.

"If it's fine... if it's fine why're you crying?"

Crying? You were crying?

Reaching a hand up to your face, you gently touched your cheek and glanced at your now wet fingers.

Would you look at that? You were crying.

"A-Areum. It's truly fine. Don't cry." How hypocritical of you to say when you were sitting right beside her with that same stupid smile on your face, tears streaming down your cheeks.

"You don't cry! You idiot I'm only crying because you are!" You choked back a laugh, shoving her gently.

"Hey! You started crying first you little baby!" She sniffled and for the first time since you sat down, she looked at you, a smile stretching onto her face.

"But all jokes aside, let's stay friends okay? I'll be back in two years, three max." You pinched her cheek affectionately, pursing your lips at her.

"Dummy, that goes without saying. You can't get rid of me that easily. You're the one who saved me from this cruel school and its students." The isolation you had gone through back when you had had to endure the teasing and taunting caused by Jin Soo was almost too much to handle in school.

"Stop saying that! It makes me seem like some hero or something."

She would never know how grateful you were but then again, she probably didn't need to know.

-

After you had both shed a few more tears, you headed to the bathroom to freshen up and then back to your respective classrooms. Upon entering the room, you were surprised to find Jungkook sitting in his own seat for once. You hadn't seen him since the morning he decided to ditch class and you were not expecting to see him turn up halfway through the day. When you reached his desk, he diverted his full attention to you and shot you a sympathetic smile.

"I guess she told you then?" Nodding your head, you say yourself down on his desk, gazing outside the window. "She told you first?"

"Naturally she needed advice on how to tell you. I told her to be upfront about it." You were thankful for that, something you seemed to be quite a lot recently.

"Well, I have some good news if you want to hear it?" Good news was what you needed right about now. "Hit me."

"We met the president of an entertainment company, Bang Si Hyuk. He said that we just have to make the final cut, show what we're capable of." You had never felt as proud in your life as you did then. Although he didn't outwardly show how excited he was, the way Jungkook's eyes lit up gave it all away. You all but threw yourself forward, throwing your arms around him while he done the same, squeezing you against his body.

"Jungkook, that's so amazing!" He chuckled and continued to hold you for a few moments longer. That is until something caught his attention.

"Wait, are you crying?"

"No."

Why you were so emotional today, you would never know. "Yes you are! I didn't know my girl would be this happy for me."

"You must be a special type of stupid if you thought I wouldn't be this happy for you." The distant chatter of your classmates caused you to slowly release your grip on Jungkook and you slid off his desk, wiping a few stray tears.

"Why're you making me cry? What kind of boyfriend are you?" You playfully hit his shoulder and he released a chuckle, his grin growing wider.

"I hope to god that you didn't wear those same Timberlands and that white t-shirt when you met him. Just because you look good in them doesn't mean you should wear them every chance you get." Your reply was a scoff and he rolled his eyes, leaning back into his seat.

"Don't worry I looked great. I even wore these." He proceeded to pull out the glasses you had bought him on your trip to Japan and put them on. You failed at suppressing your laughter as he began to pose for you, winking and blowing out his cheeks.

"You're such a dork, you're lucky I love you." His eyes widened briefly, possibly due to the fact that you had openly expressed with words your love for him, something that was quite rare, especially in school. He soon overcame his shock and let his trademark grin grow, his crescent shaped eyes taking on a squinted look.

"I love you too." You were sure the butterflies that fluttered in your stomach would never cease to make an appearance whenever he said those simple words but then again, where was the fun in not having them?

One more day. Just one more day.

[myaekingheart]

77. Breach in Konoha

               “Did you bring him?” a deep voice asked, stoic and sharp. There was something so strange about his eyes, so unnerving. Deidara never expected the rinnegan to make him so anxious.

               “Of course” he sighed, and his partner Sasori manifested their finding: a dead Iwagakure miner.

               “And the antidote?” Pain asked.

               Deidara rolled his eyes and pulled a small sack out of his pocket. “Do you really have that little faith in us? We did exactly as you asked: had the man lead us to the stuff, took it for ourselves, and then killed him. It’s not that hard to understand.”

               Sasori rolled his eyes, unsure of how much more of this kid he could take. “What is the next step?” he then asked Pain. A strange look crossed his face before he mapped out the rest of their plan.

~o~

               Nobody knew how the information got out. Come morning, the archives had been busted and the guards had all bled out on the floor. Security footage was inconclusive—the thief had dismantled the cameras before they broke inside. And now here Rei was, crouching on a tree branch in the middle of the woods not even sure what she was looking for. She glanced to the left and then the right, Yugao on one side of her and Mikazuki on the other, and a shiver ran down her spine.

               With Mikazuki’s dojutsu, she realistically didn’t need anyone to accompany her but this time, Rei knew more than anything that she was merely a bodyguard. Mikazuki’s mere existence put her in danger. Sending her out onto the front lines had to be suicide, but apparently her capabilities far outweighed the risks.

               The stolen information, as Rei had learned at that morning’s briefing, was a scroll detailing the intricate machinations of the shinkantazagan, the Zazan clan’s special dojutsu. As Ibiki gave further details, Rei’s entire body went clammy. She glanced to Mikazuki at the other end of the room, searching for a hint of panic in her face, but found none.

               “Doesn’t that scare you?” Rei had asked later as she and the other shinobi filed out of the briefing room.

               Mikazuki stared straight ahead, forcing composure. “No” she replied stoically. “And even if it did, I cannot let fear get the best of me.” Her voice was soft per usual but there was a certain detachment in he tone that piqued Rei’s curiosity.

               “But what if they succeed? What if they kidnap you and gauge that eyeball right out of your forehead? Leave you for dead in the woods?” Rei asked.

               Mikazuki’s left eye twitched as she paused then, creating a blockage in traffic in front of the doorway. She looked at Rei somberly, all three eyes staring straight into her soul. “I appreciate your concern, Rei. Really, I do. But none of that is going to make a difference. My family is depending on me to protect them. I knew something like this was bound to happen sooner or later, and now I have to step up and prove that I’m capable of keeping them safe, even if it means sacrificing myself. I may not be very strong, but I would risk everything for my clan.”

               Her conviction was truly admirable and had actually left Rei speechless. Now, merely six feet away from her, Rei wondered if her resolve still held fast. At any moment, they could be apprehended by the enemy. Was she not scared? And if not the enemy, then Mikazuki would her own downfall. The shinkantazagan was powerful but with great power always come great chakra exhaustion. Her eyes had been working overtime since they departed from the village. If she was to pass out, she would be left vulnerable. Rei and Yugao would have to swoop in and save her, protecting deadweight from swift shinobi hellbent on kidnapping.

               While the entire situation made her uncomfortable, however, the thing that bothered Rei the most was that she had no idea who she was even supposed to look out for. How was she to know a merchant from a malefactor? Anyone could commit crimes if they were stealthy enough.

               Her first instinct was Tanjo, the woman who didn’t know she was pregnant. Despite much pushback from the elders, ultimately Tsunade granted her and her child Konoha citizenship. Rei always thought that was a risky move. A woman sent to attack the village should never have been allowed to stay there, or at least that was what she thought. It was just begging for a terrorist attack. Especially in light of recent events, you could never be too careful. The more Rei considered this option, however, the more ridiculous it seemed to be. Tanjo was the mother of an infant, needy and crying. She could probably barely even keep her eyes open let alone stage an attack on the village that took her refuge. There was something intrinsically hard to hate about Tanjo, anyway. Not that Rei knew her very well, if at all, so perhaps her intuition was wrong but still. Tanjo was evidently young—merely 18 by her ninja registration—and her bastard son the product of some unsavory contact. How she managed to look at her child without a hint of disgust or depression was beyond Rei’s comprehension. That compassion alone was enough to make Rei think twice about blaming her.

               All Rei knew for certain was that whoever the culprit was had to be a formidable enemy. She gripped the fabric of her pant leg and exhaled sharply, a nagging in the pit of her chest. Perhaps she was just overthinking things, panicked and paranoid, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she would face their enemy very soon. A pair of foreign eyes burned holes into her back. She glanced to Yugao and Mikazuki, wondering if they felt it, too, or if she truly was just hallucinating.

               A few beats of charged silence had passed before Rei finally opened her mouth to ask but before any words could pass, a cataclysmic rumble shook the earth. Smoke enveloped the wood, a deafening roar ringing in Rei’s ears as she struggled to keep her balance upon the tree branch. The explosion, she estimated, was roughly two miles away. Rei squinted ahead and coughed into the crook of her elbow, scanning the site for any enemies taking advantage of the limited visibility. And then a hand reached out and gripped her forearm tightly, tugging her toward the blast site. Rei’s eyes stung, her vision blurring, as she struggled to break free. The harder she fought, however, the stronger the hold grew. This is it, Rei thought. This is how I die. And deep down, she didn’t even understand what it was they wanted with her, anyways. She was nothing special. The only logical reason they would have for taking her would be to torture her for information. The thought of spikes and blades and horrifying genjutsu sent her forearms stinging. As the smoke began to clear, Rei blinked away burning tears as her captor began to take form. Dark hair, pale skin, an ANBU vest—Mikazuki. Relief. She said nothing as she dragged Rei along, Yugao not far ahead.

               The trees had all been obliterated, the ground charred, and there was a distinct chemical smell to the air. Rei broke free of Mikazuki’s grip the minute they landed, feeling suddenly very small and inferior and thus frustrated. She never expected herself to feel less than compared to Mikazuki of all people, which only further enforced the realization that she had always thought of herself as better than her and she wasn’t sure which thought made her sicker.

               Yugao knelt down and inspected the ash, the dirt, the debris, searching for any clues of the enemy. As she did so, a trembling in the bushes captured Rei’s attention and she immediately, instinctively reached for her kunai. So they had been followed after all.

               “Male. 5 foot 7 inches, 135 pounds, roughly 22 years old” Mikazuki muttered under her breath. Rei shot her a cold side glance. Of course she had already seen him.

               “He’s after you, you know” Rei whispered back, turning her gaze again to the hidden man. Mikazuki gave a single nod, and Rei suddenly felt incredibly stupid. Of course she already knew that, too. That was the whole reason they were out here to begin with. Sucking in a sharp breath, Rei muttered under her breath, “So what’s the plan? Immediate attack, or hang back?”

               Yugao hardly looked up as she replied back quietly, “Just act natural. I want to see what he does.”

               With a single nod, Rei slipped the kunai back into its holster and knelt down a few feet away to inspect another patch of dirt. Meanwhile, Mikazuki dropped cross-legged into the center of the blast site and pulled a pack of cards from her pouch. She carefully opened the packaging with her dainty, manicured nails, then drew a handful from the deck.

               Yugao glanced up at her suspiciously, commenting, “I really don’t think now is the time for a game of—”

               “Shh” Rei interrupted. She recognized this routine all too well. They weren’t playing cards but tarot, which somehow Mikazuki had a real penchant for. She’s drawing cards for the enemy, Rei thought to herself. She’s predicting the battle before it even begins.

               Normally, Rei would scoff at anything supernatural like this but MIkazuki was different. Whatever she drew was apparently prophetic gospel. After all, the cards had predicted Naru’s death. She looked out to the east, estimating that they were about five miles away from the site of the incident. A cold and slimy sensation slithered down her back and twisted her stomach into knots. That wasthe trouble with being out in the wild, she supposed. The forest never forgets. She shoved the thoughts back under the garbage piles in her mind and fixed her eyes on Mikazuki’s work, equally pathetic and captivating. To think, they were placing their fate in little pieces of paper.

               From inside the village, the explosion prompted immediate retreat. Shopkeepers locked their doors tight, allowing customers to take refuge in their storage rooms or their homes. Others ushered frightened children inside, whispering reassurances that everything would be okay. There was always something so comforting about the way Konoha reacted in criss, the strong sense of community. With the great unpredictability of destruction, they took every measure to avoid getting caught in the crossfire and would be damned if they risked anyone else falling to that same tragic fate.

               An uneasiness settled into Kakashi’s stomach as he slipped his book back into his pouch. The village blurred around him, manic with the uncertainty of another strike. A bird cawed an all-too-familiar signal overhead and with that, Kakashi rushed to the hokage’s office for further instruction.

               “Kakashi-sensei!” a voice called as he went, weaving through the crowds. Kakashi paused and sighed, recognizing Naruto’s tone immediately. He really didn’t have time for this. “What is it, Naruto?” he sighed, turning on his heel. He and Sakura came racing forward, dodging frantic civilians and crying children alike.

               “What’s going on? Are we under attack or something?” Naruto asked.

               “It’s nothing to worry about” Kakashi replied. “Just get yourselves home.”

               “I saw the explosion” Sakura replied. “I know something’s not right.”

               Sighing, Kakashi placed a hand on each of their shoulders and replied, “I know you want answers, but now is not the time. This is beyond your level, so just go home and keep yourselves safe. That’s an order.”

               Naruto grimaced as he watched Kakashi turn and depart. Kakashi’s answer was, frankly, unacceptable. He wanted an explanation now. Kakashi was already gone, however. There was nothing more he could say.

               The hallway of the administrative building was packed to the brim with every able-bodied jonin in the village. Shizune ducked and weaved through the crowd with a clipboard hugged to her chest, jotting down names in groups. When her eyes landed on Kakashi, however, she yelped and gripped his wrist hard. “Lady Tsunade’s been looking for you!” she shouted, tugging him into the hokage’s office. He barely had a second to protest or ask what was going on before he was shoved toward the hokage desk and face to face with a frazzled and stressed Tsunade.

               Before Mikazuki could properly draw the first tarot, the man leapt out from the bushes with weapons at the ready. He was a steadfast enemy, deflecting every blow with expert precision, but there was something off about him. A dullness in his eyes, perhaps, or an inhuman fluency to his movement. And then, for a moment, she swore she saw…a single thread of chakra.

               “So is that the one?” a voice asked from within the shadows. His partner, crouched beside him within the exoskeleton, nodded once. Mikazuki sat within the chaos, seemingly unaffected—as calm as if she was meditating.

               “Yeah, I’m sure of it” Sasori replied. “That’s our target.”

               Deidara grinned, preparing another wad of explosive clay. “Sasori, my man, they’ll never be able to repay us for this.”

               “I wouldn’t get so cocky, Deidara” Sasori replied, but it was clear by the tone of his voice that he was smirking. “Do you expect us to become legends?”

               “No” Deidara replied. The mouth in his right hand chewed the clay into a shape of a small, unsuspecting bird. “Even better: we’ll be incendiary!”

               Mikazuki’s eyes flashed open and she leapt to her feet, dealing a fatal blow to the thread of chakra connecting Sasori to the dead man. Their opponent fell to the ground, lifeless. On steadfast wing, the clay bird glided down toward them. Rei stared at the man with wide, horrified eyes. Then, with a loud pop, the bird exploded. A thick smoke enveloped the wood and immediately, Rei and Yugao were blinded.

               Rei coughed into the crook of her elbow and squinted through the haze hoping to gain some semblance of what the fuck was going on. Footsteps sounded in the distance, then grunts followed by a scream. The world began to move in slow motion, Rei’s heart rate quickening. She fell to her knees, her head pounding louder and louder, and fumbled in her back pouch for the transmitter. She knew it wouldn’t work, but there were no other options left. At least she could say she tried. She jammed the button frantically, held the receiver to her lips, and choked out a desperate message before a sleepy haze overwhelmed her and everything went black.

               “Kakashi” Tsunade began, rising from her seat and skirting around her desk. “I am putting you in charge of the most important team on this mission. I trust that you can handle the responsibility better than anyone else.”

               “Yes” Kakashi nodded, “So what’s the plan?”

               As Tsunade opened her mouth to speak, however, the transmitter on her desk screeched. From amidst the static came the choppy, frantic message of an ANBU in danger. “We—sitch—tack—send—ASAP!”

               Tsunade cocked a brow before diving toward her desk, stealing a pen and pad of paper to jot down what she thought she heard. Unfortunately, Kakashi already knew exactly what this was: an SOS. And despite the terrible audio quality, he recognized the voice immediately as Rei’s. All the blood drained from his face and his hands felt numb and shaky.

               “Lady Tsunade!” Kakashi shouted, planting his hands firmly on her desk. Tsunade froze, the force of his enthusiasm knocking her inkwell over and spilling black ink all over her paper.

               She looked up at him and saw the crazed look in his eyes, the face of a man hellbent on protecting his beloved. She blinked a few times before finally announcing, “Okay, you and your team will go into the woods to track down this ANBU black ops squad and bring them home safe by whatever means necessary.” She had barely finished he sentence by the time Kakashi raced out of the office and toward the woods.

               Deep within the forest, an endless symphony of slaps and sighs echoed down the tunnel of a dimly lit cave. Mikazuki glared up at her captors, her face raw and bruised. She spit blood onto the floor, an instigation, as she locked eyes with Sasori. “Y-you can beat me…all you want” she gasped, “But th-the only way you’re ever going to get these eyes is…is if you pry them f-from my dead, lifeless skull.”

               Sasori chuckled, inching nearer, a beast of a body. His puppet face was mere inches from hers as he said to Deidara “She’s much tougher than I expected. I guess we’ll just have to up our game.”

               Mikazuki sucked in a sharp breath, refusing to take her eyes off her opponent. Voice hoarse, she replied harshly, “Try me. I-I refuse to back down.”

               When Rei blinked awake, the smoke had begun to slowly clear out. Her throat ached with every swallow and her body felt limp and numb. Where was she? What was going on? She couldn’t remember. She squinted ahead as a pair of blurry figures raced toward her and was immediately overcome with a sinking feeling in her gut. She strained for a kunai at her thigh but her fingers refused to cooperate. All her strength had officially been sapped. “St-stay away!” she croaked, digging her nails into the dirt, but the figures continued nearer.

               It wasn’t until he was merely a foot away from her when Rei recognized the face of her approacher. He crouched down with emphatic tears streaming down his face. “For a second, I thought you were a goner!” Might Guy exclaimed.

               Just perfect. Rei spluttered into the ground as she forced herself to sit up, her lungs aching for more air. “W-what’s going on?” she asked. “What are you doing here?”

               “Lady Tsunade overheard your distress call and sent four teams of three out to find you and retrieve that scroll, which wasn’t easy considering what’s happened to the radio signals” Guy explained.

               Rei pursed her lips and nodded slowly, her memory of the current circumstance slowly returning. “Well, they must not be totally fucked if something got through” she said. She sighed upward to huff her bangs out of her face, her forehead dewy with sweat.

               Guy nodded, then grinned and exclaimed, “You know, Kakashi is going to be so thrilled to know you’re okay.” The mere mention of his name sent Rei’s anxiety peaking. She was almost grateful that he hadn’t been the one to find her. Guy was certainly not an ideal choice, but she could not stand to face Kakashi. Not right now. She couldn’t accurately predict what she would do if she had been face to face with him in that very moment. The thought of it alone made her woozy.

               “As okay as I can be” Rei muttered under her breath. She couldn’t perceive any surface damage so far, but that didn’t mean she had made it out completely unscathed. There was something definitely wrong with her, she could feel it in the way her body felt disconnected from her brain.

               Guy chuckled under his breath as he hoisted her up to her feet in one swift motion. “Let’s get you back to the village” he said, letting her lean on him for support. She would’ve complied, too, if not for one sudden, nagging realization.

               “W-wait a minute! Guy!” she exclaimed, suddenly frantic. Her mind went from sluggish to racing, as if she had been dunked in ice cold water. “We can’t go back! N-not yet! What about Mikazuki? And--?”

               “I wouldn’t worry about her” Guy replied, and the certainty of his voice almost scared her. What did he mean don’t worry about her? What did he know that she didn’t? Panic set in and if she had the strength, she would’ve shoved him away from her and demanded answers. Fortunately, Guy was not one to brood. She followed his line of sight to the edge of the clearing where the trees thickened considerably. “Sekkachi is on her way to find her now, and I have confidence she’ll bring her back unharmed!”

               The thought of Sekkachi on a rescue mission was almost laughable. Wasn’t it she who had said that the smartest people know the only effort worth expending is on yourself? It just didn’t seem to add up. But Rei was also far too exhausted to worry herself sick. Guy’s unwavering confidence spoke volumes. She would just have to trust him. “And what about Yugao?” she asked.

               “Kurenai and found her a little farther west and is taking her back to the village now” Guy explained. Then, looking her dead in the eyes, he added, “This is bigger than just you now, Rei. You’ve done enough.”

               Rei tried to accept his statement—logically she knew she couldn’t go any further, but deep down she hated admitting defeat. She couldn’t handle this on her own. Things were out of her control now. Sighing, she settled into Guy’s embrace and let him escort her back to the village. As they went, however, she glanced back over her shoulder and thought of Mikazuki. Her life was on the line; for all Rei knew, they could’ve already stolen her eyes and left her for dead. And meanwhile Rei had wasted her time feeling so selfish and petty. There was no logical reason for her to have thought the things she had about her. And now this was Sekkachi’s responsibility. Rei’s eyes skated down to the tarot cards scattered across the burnt ground. They were all face down except one, situated upright from the direction of the thickening forest: the ace of cups.

               The woods were dark this far from the village, the thick branches overhead blocking out much of the sunlight. Sekkachi wasn’t even really sure why she was doing this. It wasn’t like she knew Mikazuki very well. It didn’t feel like her responsibility to save her. And yet her body seemed to move on it’s own accord, just accept the assignment she had been given with zero protests. She had caught sight of the enemy, a man in an Akatsuki robe, just as he disappeared with a strange casing strapped to his shell of a back—undoubtedly Mikazuki. He moved so fast, and Sekkachi was already so winded, he was out of sight in an instant. Her only choice now was to rely on her sense of sound, attuned to even the slightest snapping of a twig or footfall upon a branch. And now, amid the darkness, her instinct drew her nearer and nearer toward the hideout.

               She drew a prepatory kunai as she reached the mouth of the cave, faint grunts and slaps echoing from inside. “Heh, just my luck” Sekkachi muttered to herself, sneaking inside, “By the time I get in there, I’ll be five seconds too late. She’ll be totally blinded and probably already dead, and hey! I bet they’ll kill me, too. Awesome. I totally woke up this morning wanting to die.” Despite the sarcasm in her tone, she refused to admit that there may have been an ounce of truth in her comment.

               Sekkachi slinked along the cave’s wall until she reached the mouth of the chamber. Inside stood at least two members of the Akatsuki in flickering firelight. On the ground, Mikazuki whimpered and squirmed but it was no use. She was bound and likely poisoned, far too weak to escape on her own now. The sight of her so small and pathetic stirred something in the pit of Sekkachi’s stomach. She pressed her hand to her belly and sucked in a deep beath, reminding herself that time was of the essence. If she didn’t move fast, Mikazuki was going to die.

               While she did not consider herself the smartest kunoichi in the world, every so often Sekkachi did, in fact, have rare moments of pure mental genius and this turned out to be one of them. She launched her kunai at one of the Akatsuki members, deliberately missing the target, to simply distract them. With fists clenched, they gazed around the cave with narrowed eyes and full alert. The blonde one reached inside of his pocket and formed a clay something in his hands and, like Sekkachi had hoped, certainly turned out to be a “shoot first, ask later” type. As he melded together his little creation, Sekakchi bolted out from her cover. It was a risky move but she had to have faith in her plan. And if she died? Oh well. Deidara launched his bomb toward her, the clay exploding and sending the entire chamber up in smoke. Perfect. While their vision was obstructed, Sekkachi lunged forward and scooped Mikazuki up onto her back, then felt her way toward the exit. She knew the Akatsuki were far from stupid, that they would likely tail her in a matter of minutes, but the very least she could do was try.

               Once out in the open air, Sekkachi bolted back toward Konoha powered by nothing but sheer will. Her vision blurred and her throat burned, not to mention the creaking in her intestines, but none of that was important. She felt Mikazuki, half conscious, shift on her back, a soft little sigh, a puff of warm breath against her shoulder. Her hands bound and looped down bobbing against her chest. Her thighs against her hips. Sekkachi had always been so indifferent to this girl before, and yet now she was imbued with the strangest instinct to protect her. She seemed so innocent, so docile, regardless of the tremendous power she wielded. Sekkachi willed her stomach to shut up and prayed her body would not give out before she could make it back to Konoha. The sooner she could get away from Mikazuki and this gut-wrenching feeling, the better.  

               “Dammit!” Deidara shouted, coughing as he waved the smoke away from his face. Sasori grimaced at him, an expression of pure disappointment.

               “Deidara, you need to watch your temper” he replied.

               Deidara glared at his partner, clenching his jaw, before shouting back, “We can still go after them! They couldn’t have gone that far.” It was an obvious idea—that girl couldn’t possibly be a match for them—but before they could put this plan into action, they were summoned by the rest of the Akatsuki.

               “They know” Sasori crooned, smirking at Deidara. “You’re going to get an earful when they find out it was your fault.”

               “You know what?!” Deidara shouted, raising his arms in surrender. Grumbling, he seated himself and tuned into the most recent meeting. In a strange conglomeration of holographic togetherness, the whole of the Akatsuki virtually stood before one another.

               “Sasori, Deidara…” a deep voice began, and Deidara was positive they were going to be punished.

               “It wasn’t my fault!” he erupted, “There was an unforeseen intruder, I had to attack!”

               “Deidara” Sasori sighed, “Your lack of self control is almost depressing.”

               The deep-voiced man, Pain, paused a moment. “So you failed in acquiring the shinkantazagan?”

               After a beat of silence, Sasori replied, “Unfortunately. We would have succeeded if a certain someone had not let the girl get away.” Deidara grimaced and secretly stuck his tongue out at his partner.

               Pain sighed and shook his head, then said rather unexpectedly, “No matter. We can manage without it. I want you both to come back to Iwagakure and reunite with myself and Konan.”

               “So…wait a minute, you’re not mad at us?” Deidara asked. He tried to hide the relief in his tone.

               “No” Pain replied. “It seems catching the jinchuriki might be simpler than we thought. Konan has already captured the Five Tails. The shinkantazagan is no longer of great importance to us.”

               “That’s a relief” Deidara muttered under his breath. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten so lucky but wasn’t about to question fate. If it was a mistake, there was no reason to call Pain out on it at the risk of losing his life. As the meeting came to a close, a cocky smile touched Deidara’s lips.

               “Don���t even start” Sasori spoke, and together they raced off back to the Hidden Stone Village.

               The blast site was barren by the time Kakashi and his team arrived. The only sign of life left was in the corpse of the man Sasori had used as his puppet. The sight of it all sent Kakashi reeling. He inspected the tarot cards scattered across the ground, though he of course had no real idea what any of them meant. That ace of cups felt like a bad omen, though. He couldn’t stop staring at it, the image taunting him and churning his stomach.  

               “Hey!” Asuma called, holding his transmitter up to his ear. “I think I’m getting something.”

               Kakashi turned and looked at his comrade quizzically, awaiting more information. His heart leapt into his throat at the thought of the potential message regarding Rei. He needed to know she was safe, but then again no news was good news, right? If there was information about her, it likely was not going to be good.

               “Asuma? A—ma are y—ere?” a voice called—undboutely Kurenai.

               “You’re breaking up a little bit, but I can hear you” Asuma replied. “What’s going on? Where are you?”

               “I’m back in the Leaf Village” she replied. “Strict orders from Lady Tsunade. She wants you back as soon as possible.” Kakashi’s heart pounded.

               “Alright” Asuma replied, scratching his cheek. “We’ll start heading back now. Is the village alright? You guys aren’t in any danger?”

               “No, so far we’re fine” Kurenai replied. “But Lady Tsunade wants to put the whole village on a lockdown before things get worse. Just make it back as quick as you can, and stay safe.”

               “Will do” Asuma said. And then the transmission cut. He looked to Kakashi and the other man in their group, someone they weren’t as familiar with, before speaking. “I guess that means we ought to head out.”

               “No!” Kakashi suddenly exclaimed. When his comrades eyed him suspiciously, his face turned red as he added, “I mean, we can’t go. Not yet. What about Rei? And the rest of the ANBU black ops squad? She—I mean, they—have to still be out here somewhere. I refuse to leave her behind.”

               Asuma stared back at him for a long moment, leaving Kakashi feeling particularly vulnerable and even partially regretting saying anything. Then, finally, he smirked and planted his hands on his hips. “Listen, she’s an ANBU. She’ll be fine. She was trained to handle stuff like this, right?” he said.

               A sinking realization dawned on Kakashi then. He had trained her to handle stuff like this. If she was ill-equipped for crisis, it was his fault. No one else’s. Hadn’t she been a good enough protégé? He hoped so. She had been doing this for five years now. He had to trust that she knew what she was doing, that she could take care of herself. He had to constantly remind himself that she was no longer his to hover over and protect. His job was done. She was an adult. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, forced to accept Asuma’s words, before kneeling down and collecting that single tarot card facing upward. He stared at it for a long moment before slipping it into his pouch then following his team back to Konoha.

               Kurenai raced to the front gates just as Guy and Rei returned to Konoha. The look on her face sent Rei spiraling with panic. Something was wrong. Something had to be wrong. She tightened her grip on Guy’s shoulder and exhaled sharply. “I’m glad you two made it back safely” Kurenai said, approaching and then looking between the two of them. “Rei, Lady Tsunade wants you to get to the hospital as quickly as possible for lab testing.”

               “Lab testing?” Rei asked. “W-why? What for?” Despite her bad habit, the thought of getting stuck with needles and watching her blood fill up little clear tubes made her anxious.

               “Shizune is running toxicology reports on Yugao right now, and insist they do one on you, as well” she explained, “to determine what, exactly, was in that gas that left you all unconscious. I doubt Yugao has a high enough concentration of it in her system, but she should hopefully have enough to yield some results.”

               “Was she okay?” Rei asked.

               Kurenai nodded. “She was a little bruised and banged up, but nothing a few bandages couldn’t fix.”

               “That’s good” Rei replied. “And what about Mikazuki? Has she made it back yet?”  

               Kurenai averted her eyes and replied, “No, unfortunately not.”

               Dammit. Rei’s entire body flared up in a panic at the thought. Before she could even voice her anxiety, Sekkachi burst through the front gates of the village with Mikazuki in tow. Sekkachi’s face had grown pale and clammy and for a moment, Rei feared her comrade was going to throw up right there. Rei’s heart pounded. “A-are you guys okay?” she asked.

               Sekkachi forced a mock smile and gave Rei a thumbs-up, letting Mikazuki down gently upon the ground. “I think I might have internal bleeding but other than that, just peachy!” she shouted. She collapsed onto the ground and smoothed her bangs back out of her face, glistening with sweat.

               “Don’t be such a drama queen” Rei rolled her eyes and then turned to Izumo and Kotetsu at the gate, calling angrily to them, “Don’t just stand there! Get a medic ninja!” The two men paused, stock still, before scrambling to obey her orders. Rei hated how satisfying it was to watch them panic at her insistence, the power she held just by occupational affiliation. No one dared to challenge an ANBU.

               While she was down there, Sekkachi presumed she might as well make herself useful. She pulled a kunai from her thigh and tore through the ropes binding Mikazuki’s wrists and ankles together. As she did so, Mikazuki slowly creaked her eyes open to look around, dizzy and disoriented. “W-what’s going on…? Did we…finish the mission?”

               Sekkachi huffed and fell backward onto the ground. Her muscles ached—for someone so petite, Mikazuki had certainly been heavier than she looked (or perhaps it was just Sekkachi’s strength really giving out on her). “Let’s just say you’re definitely done for the day” she commented.

               Just then, a pair of medic ninjas rushed forward with a stretcher to carry Mikazuki back to the hospital. One of them looked down at Sekkachi curiously, perhaps a flicker of inexplicable recognition touching his face as if she looked familiar but he couldn’t put a name to a face. “Do you need medical assistance, as well?” he asked, cocking his brow.

               Sekkachi squinted up at him and released an airy laugh. “No, I’m just going to crawl home like a crab” she fired back, voice dripping in aggressive sarcasm. The medic ninja puffed out his cheeks and looked around, then called for his comrade to go get another stretcher.

               Meanwhile, none other than Naruto came barreling toward them with ferocious purpose. “Guy-sensei!” he shouted, his eyes skating from the bushy-browed ninja to the ANBU leaning on him for support. “Does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?!”

               “It’s none of your business, kid. Stay out of it” Rei snapped. For a moment, she was overwhelmingly grateful knowing her identity was concealed by her mask. She could avoid the recognition with the confrontation. For now, she was just another tense, anonymous ANBU.

               Naruto, of course, found this completely unacceptable. Wrinkling his nose, he turned to Guy convinced that he would at least be able to get an answer out of him. “There was a big explosion. You can’t possibly tell me that something isn’t going!”

               Guy rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “There’s just been a bit of a security breach is all. It’s nothing for you to worry about, alright?”

               Pouting, Naruto gazed out past the gates and then abruptly asked, “Where’s Kakashi-sensei?” Yet again, Rei was indebted to her anonymity. The mere mention of Kakashi’s name drained all the color from her masked face.

               Kurenai placed a gentle hand on Naruto’s shoulder as she replied, “He was sent out with Asuma and one other. So far Kakashi’s squad is the only one who hasn’t returned yet.”

               That wasn’t reassuring at all. Rei sighed and gulped back the lump rising in her throat, trying to keep all her anxious thoughts at bay. She didn’t want to worry about him like this, but the avalanche in her brain had already been initiated. There was no stopping it now. He’s going to be fine. He’s going to be fine. He’s going to be fine.

               Naruto balled his hands into fists and then started marching toward the gate, announcing, “Then I’m going to go look for him!”

               “Oh, no, you don’t!” Rei said, instinctively reaching out to pull him back by his jacket collar. “You go out there, you’ll get killed. What the hell are you thinking?”

               “I’m thinking that we’re all just standing around here doing nothing!” Naruto shouted back. “Kakashi-sensei could be in trouble! What if he never comes back? We have to go search for him!”

               The temperature gauge on Rei’s tolerance was beginning to reach it’s maximum. “If the ANBU couldn’t handle a mission like this, then what makes you think a genin like you can?” she snapped.

               Naruto growled and fought to break free of Rei’s grip, but it was no use. She had a tight hold on him; he wasn’t going anywhere. “Let me go!” he shouted. “We have to go find Kakashi-sensei! I don’t care if it’s dangerous! I can handle it! I’ll do anything! I’ve gotta go out there and find him!”

               Guy fed Rei a suspicious glance, as if to question her behavior. He knew as well as she did that this was a dangerous situation, that letting Naruto into the fray was too risky, but did she have to be so brash? He was just about to speak up, too, when Kurenai interrupted him.

               She chuckled softly as she watched the two shout back and forth, something kind of comical in the exchange, before motioning toward the entrance of the village. “Well, lucky for you, it looks like you won’t have to.” The whole group froze then and followed her directional to find Kakashi, Asuma, and the other ninja approaching tiredly. The instant they locked eyes, Rei felt herself unravel all over again and the worst part is that she knew this was one reaction her mask couldn’t hide. Or at least not from Kakashi. His cheeks burned red and it took all of his strength not to rush toward her and scoop her up into his arms. She was safe. She was okay. That was the only thing that mattered.

               The reunion was short and professional, if not restrained. With all the dispatched shinobi now returned, Izumo and Kotetsu tugged the village gates closed and locked them tight.

               “I’m glad to see everyone made it back safely” Kakashi said, surveying the group. He tried not to let his gaze linger too long on Rei, who stared straight ahead to minimize how anxiously transparent she felt.

               “Yeah, I’ll say” Asuma grinned, slapping Kakashi on the back and chuckling. He turned his attention to Rei as he pulled a fresh cigarette from his back pouch and lit it. “Kakashi was so worried something bad happened to you, I thought his eyes were going to bug out of his head.”

               Kakashi’s heart paused. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve slapped Asuma right then and there for being so damn blunt. Kurenai sighed and shook her head, watching Asuma approach Sekkachi and handing her a cigarette as she situated herself on the stretcher. She graciously took it and let Asuma light the end for her, reveling in that first drag as if she had been underwater for far too long and was finally allowed to breathe.

               Rei stood there in silence for a moment, trying to fully comprehend what Asuma had said. She willed her cheeks not to blush. “You were, were you?” she then asked, glancing at Kakashi.

               He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and replied, “Well, is it so wrong to worry?”

               “No” Rei said, shaking her head. But wasn’t it? No matter what she did, he would always worry about her. It was a fact that she had no choice but to accept. That didn’t mean she was particularly fond of it, though. She still needed to learn how to be self-sufficient. He couldn’t spend his entire life chasing after her, always swooping in to save the day. It was just wasn’t sustainable.

               A long beat of charged silence passed then before Guy nudged Rei on the shoulder and nodded toward the medic ninjas departing. “We should go get you patched up, too” he said.

               Rei chuckled nervously and shook her head. “You know what? Really, I’m fine” she lied.

               Guy narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously before shaking her head. “Nope, I won’t hear of it! Besides, if Lady Tsunade ordered lab work then you can’t possibly refuse!” Before she could protest any further, he had already started carting her down the street alongside the others. As they went, however, Guy glanced hard over his shoulder at Kakashi, as if desperately trying to communicate something. Unfortunately, Kakashi knew exactly what his eternal rival meant: an opportune moment is coming your way, and you better take advantage of it.

               He watched as Kurenai and Asuma chatted casually, slowly making their way back home, and sighed. This was all so complicated. He needed to think long and hard about what he wanted to do. In the meantime, he turned around and headed toward the administrative building to check in with Lady Tsunade. Perhaps some distance would provide him with the necessary clarity, anyway.

               Sekkachi leaned her head back against the headboard and sighed, swirling half-melted ice around in a paper cup. As often as she visited the hospital, she could never get over the bore of being admitted. She poked at the IV in her arm, finding it wildly unnecessary, and was tempted to even pull it out herself when she heard familiar voices echo down the hallway. Minutes later, Tsunade and Shizune passed her room poring over the contents on a clipboard. Kakashi trailed close behind. Just when she thought they were out of range, she turned her attention back to her IV but had not noticed another visitor popping his head through the doorway.

               “Sekkachi!” an over-enthusiastic voice called. Sekkachi startled, nearly flinging the needle across the room, before her grimace met Might Guy’s gaze. He grinned at her and waltzed forward, slapping her hard on the arm. “How are you doing? Are you feeling any better?”

               “I could be worse…” Sekkachi grumbled. This was the way she always was when she was stuck in the hospital, Guy had quickly learned: irritable and tired. He had long since grown accustomed to letting her cynicism roll off his back. As he made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed, however, there was a glimmer of something different in Sekkachi’s eyes. She pouted as she pulled at loose threads on her blanket before asking, “Hey, Guy? Have you, uh, have you heard anything about Mikazuki?”

               Guy cocked a brow, confused yet amused. He hadn’t expected Sekkachi to care that much, but seeing as she apparently did, he had a few suspicions he was itching to pin down. “From what I’ve heard—and it’s not much—is that she’s going to be fine” he replied, trying to remain cool and casual. A look of restrained relief crossed Sekkachi’s face, only furthering Guy’s curiosity. “Say, did something happen between you two in the woods?” he then asked.

               Sekkachi puffed out her cheeks, unable to look him in the eye. Did she really want to explain it all to him? Did she even have the capacity to explain it all? She didn’t really understand it herself. It was too weird. It didn’t make any sense. Maybe it was just the after effects of that poison gas, or lack of sleep, or her stomach. She looked back toward Guy and was reminded that she couldn’t hide anything from him. That he knew all the gritty, complicated details in her life. He gazed back at her expectantly, and her stomach churned.

               Tsunade chewed her bottom lip as she looked at the toxicology reports ten times over. “I just don’t understand” she muttered, walking in tandem with her assistant. “The main component of this chemical compound was banned years ago. The only way anyone could’ve madde this was if they had access to the Josozai Mines in Iwagakure but even then, those have been off-limits for at least the past ten years.”

               Kakashi peered over Shizune’s shoulder at the paperwork, but none of it made a lick of sense to him. Clearly he was in way over his head in this conversation. The only thing he really understood was when she mentioned the Akatsuki, but by that point his attention had been diverted elsewhere. As they ventured down the hallway, they passed a room whose door was slightly ajar. Inside, Rei picked at her scabs an tried not to think about the sanitary paper crinkling beneath her. His heart jolted at the sight of her, and for a moment he felt a compulsion to go and speak to her but then he hesitated. He couldn’t guarantee that he’d be able to restrain himself. He couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t wrap her up in his arms and kiss her forehead and beg her to come back to him and make things right. But then a voice in the back of his head (which unfortunately sounded a lot like Guy) spoke to him, reminding him of their history, urging him to step forward and check on her if not as a boyfriend then as just a friend.

               Just a friend. He hated the way that sounded. Things were different now. They weren’t kids anymore. They had been intimate together, saw the most raw and real versions of each other, been inside of one another. They could never go back to being just friends. And yet before he could convince himself not to, Kakashi’s body acted on it’s own accord, a magnet being pulled by the forces of nature toward it’s other half. And then he was inside, and there she was. She looked up at him and her face burned bright red, frozen in the middle of picking apart a scab on her elbow.

               Something rose within her chest at the sight of him, an impulse to rush forward and leap into his arms, bury her face in the crook of his neck, press her lips hard against his. A childish, naïve reaction. She would undoubtedly restrain herself. She had to show some sense of decorum. They were simply two Konoha shinobi and nothing more.

               There were so many things he wanted to say to her, the room felt far too small to hold them all and for a moment he was claustrophobic, choking on air. I’m so glad you’re okay. You look terrible. Stop picking at that or else you’ll scar. How have you been doing? Have you been eating enough? You look like you haven’t slept in weeks. Neither have I. I’m sorry this is so weird. I’m sorry I ever stepped foot in here. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened between us. I love you. The words all converged inside his head into one blurry mass of feeling, clogging his brain and making it hard to think. He felt so displaced standing in the doorway, he even considered making a run for it, but his feet were glued to the ground. There was no turning back. The silence grew heavy. He cleared his throat, and among all the jumble managed to croak out a simple “How, uh…how are you feeling?”

               “Alright…” she murmured, averting her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She didn’t have the strength. A few beats of awkward silence passed before she finally said, “So, uh…what Asuma said earlier…? Were you really…you know?”

               Kakashi’s face reddened as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “You were on a pretty dangerous mission” he justified. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I, uh…” he continued. He couldn’t believe he was about to say what he did next, but the words were spilling out of his lips before he could stop them. “I still care a lot about you, Rei.”

               Sirens were blaring in the back of her mind. He was still in love with her, she just knew it. But then she felt terrible for the adverse mental reaction. She was such a hypocrite. Wasn’t she, technically, still in love with him, too? But no, this was all wrong. She couldn’t do this anymore. She had to stand firm on her promise to herself. She needed to become independent. She had to admit, however, that deep down her heart was fluttering. Smiling, she added softly, “Thank you for caring so much.”

               A warm, light feeling swelled up inside of him, and deep down something involuntarily screamed there is hope after all. The afternoon sun through the hospital window hit him just right so that if Rei looked at him too long, she’d start to feel dizzy. His fingers itched to intertwine with hers, his lips desperate to kiss her, but he would have to hold back. Voice soft and meaningful, all he could bring himself to say was, “It’s not a problem.”

[lovewavesxx]

Love Waves – EP 9 – Pink Pillows

October 16, 2017

“A few thoughts from Pink Pillows. –E xx.”

Spotify:��https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/6iBQ8u16X0qim0ypl7Yb48

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/love-waves-ep-9-pink-pillows/idpl.u-55D6lDlHx9Xkmj

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwEZgDEorNRRItkk7C4ZD6enbIpcYm-Iz

This week’s playlist flow is ridic (ulous, if you must be lame and make me spell the whole word instead of attempting to be hip). Leave yo shuffle off bb.

1. mansionz – Wicked (feat. G-Eazy)

2. The 1975 – Girls

3. Rihanna – You da One

4. Kiiara – Wishlist

5. Travis Scott – Butterfly Effect

6.  Ghosted – Get Some (feat. Kamille)

7. Neon Trees – Sleeping With a Friend

8. Marty Grimes – Make It Back

9. Marc E. Bassy – Plot Twist (feat. Kyle)

10. Lauv – Reforget

11. Humble the Poet – H.A.I.R.

12. Daniel Caesar – Take Me Away (feat. Syd)

13. Halsey – Bad at Love

14. Julia Michaels – Issues (Alan Walker Remix)

15. Prince Fox – I Don’t Wanna Love You (feat. Melody Noel) [Adam York Remix]

16. Khalil – No Coincidence

17. Jhené Aiko – OLLA (Only Lovers Left Alive) [feat. TWENTY88]

******I NEED YOUR HELP WITH LOVE WAVES EP 10!!! AS A WAY TO CELEBRATE MAKING IT THIS FAR I WANT THE 10TH EPISODE TO BE ONLY MUSIC FROM OTHER PEOPLE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SEND ME THE NAME OF A SONG OR SONGS WITH THE ARTIST’S NAME VIA ANYWAY POSSIBLE, OR BY CLICKING THIS PARAGRAPH, AND SUBMITTING YOUR SONG. I WILL TAKE ALL THE MUSIC I COLLECT FROM PEOPLE TO CREATE EP 10’S FLOW. IF YOU’D LIKE, YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR SUBMISSION, AND I WILL PUT YOUR NAME IN EP 10’S POST AS WELL SO YOU GET CREDIT! THIS IS JUST MY WAY OF SAYING THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING LOVE WAVES AND HOPEFULLY GETTING PEOPLE INVOLVED IN SHARING SOME GOOD SHT! xx.******

https://ericajones10.sarahah.com/

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Also, if you have a Spotify or Apple Music account I would love to follow you and most likely creep on your playlists. Somehow get me your profile link, send me a playlist, or let me know your username. Click here for my Spotify profile Click here for my Apple Music profile

Playlist Description:

Some of my best thoughts come while my head is lying on my pink pillow. Some of my worst thoughts come while my head is lying on my pink pillow. Everything in between is noise, but to be honest, it’s all just noise.

I never really thought much about how an inanimate object could be privy to some of the most important moments in my reality or just in my mind—those moments alone or sometimes with another person.

While in college some of my favorite times were when my closest friends and I were just laying in my room talking about everything, and nothing, while listening to music. They’d be on my bed and I’d be lying on the ground staring at my ceiling fan or on my futon. At times these positions varied, but you get the point.

There were nights I’d shove my face in that pink pillow to cry. There were times I’d hug that pink pillow wishing it was a human body, but it was 1:34 in the morning, and a pillow is what was closest to me. There were days I would pull myself out of bed to go to work and class and when I would return to my room that pink pillow was the first thing I’d see upon arrival.

Some of my best words have been inspired at times my head was on that pink pillow. Some of the best scenarios my head has created were while it was on that pink pillow. I see myself in different situations and places, sometimes alone and sometimes not, while lying on that pink pillow. (I don’t really know what to call the things I write because in my head they sound like songs and I don’t know if they’re considered poetry so I usually just call them words.)

This playlist stems from all of the hours I’ve spent thinking about what I have done, would’ve done differently, hope to do, and will actually do. I think a lot about my own future and where or what I’d like to do, and I also tend to think a lot about who I have or want to be by my side during those moments.

I think a lot about the people I care for and love. I think about the moments that have passed by and tasted so sweet, but I didn’t realize how precious they were. I think about the lines on my friends’ and family’s faces as their eyes lit up while they smiled or laughed too hard at something dumb I said or did. I think about what it felt like while we hugged. Where were your hands? Were your eyes closed like mine were? I didn’t want to let go, but I did. Did I hold on too long? Oh well, it’s over now. I hope I get to hold you again, but I just don’t know anymore. At times, I wonder if my effort or feelings will ever be returned, but it’s been long enough I think. People usually move on by now. “He didn’t seem excited to see you.” What’s wrong with me? Do you love me? Will you ever grow to love me? Am I wasting my time? Are you wasting your time? I think you forgot about me again. I fucked up. Have you fucked up? Would you tell me again if you did? Should I tell you I did? Would it hurt you? Would you even care? Probably not. Will we ever really talk again? I mean really talk again. Like we did on FaceTime that one day I didn’t know you were going to say anything. I thought about telling you I loved you about 80 billion times, but I didn’t. I’ve known since December, but it can wait. It’ll fade. I’m sure of it. You’ll fade. I’m sure of it. That was still a great moment with you. I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore. I’m kind of scared right now. This sht wasn’t supposed to happen, and what if I fall in love with him? I’m so scared right now. I don’t know how to be cool. To play this cool. I just need to find a distraction from this distraction. I need to stop thinking about this right now. Next paragraph.

My pink pillow has been the resting place for much of the good and bad that is in my life. That’s crazy to think about, right?! It’s just a freakin’ pillow. Yet, at the same time it is a constant in the evolution of who I have been, currently am, and strive to become.

Yoo this is was some overthinking sht at it’s finest. :)

Song Explanations:

Wicked by Mansionz featuring G was actually not one of my favorite songs from their album for the longest time. There’s this line G says and it just would make me feel upset and so I dismissed the whole song. I didn’t want to listen to it. Recently, I’ve really started liking this song. I also feel kind of bad because in some ways I am very much like that girl they are singing about. I’m sorry in advance. I hate me too. :)

THE 1975 IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE BAND. It takes a lot of effort for me to not put them in most Love Waves playlists. I think Girls fits perfectly with the theme and flow of this week’s comp sooooo in it went. SUCH a tune.

Wishlist is a song Kiiara literally just released a few days ago. My favorite line is, “I’ll pour the gasoline on your halo.” I’d say I am an angel or positive with good behavior about 98% of the time, but that 2% can be dangerous. It gets more dangerous when I’m with someone equally mischievous. It’s like we feed off of each other’s energy and actions.

Get Some by Ghosted featuring Kamille is a song my friend Adam sent me weeks ago. It sounds all innocent and dancy until you actually listen to the words and you’re like, “Wut tha actual phuq?” It cracks me up, but it also fits the theme. I also highly recommend the music video because you would think it’s going to be a certain way BUT the entire video is not at all what I expected.

Click here to watch the official music video for Get Some by Ghosted

Ayyyy Marty Grimes with the new release titled Cold Pizza. Make It Back is my favorite song right now off of that album. “Seeing things without you ain’t the same.” There are times in my life I wish I had you by my side. Your presence would make this song better, it would make the lighting look better, it would make these breaths I’m taking taste better, it would make me feel better, but sometimes that’s life. You learn to deal with all the moments that will never be.

Plot Twist by Marc E. Bassy featuring Kyle came out a few months ago, but Marc just released his new album Gossip Columns. Go listen to that sht. Anyways, this song is in here because things happen and all of a sudden there’s a completely unexpected plot twist that happens in your life. Like, right now I can’t tell if mine is good or bad yet and that uncertainty is scaring the living sht out of me at the moment.

“I go out just so I can reforget.” I think Lauv’s song is fairly universal for anyone going through a type of separation from someone in life. I see it all the time when people break up. Newly single people are either too heartbroken to do anything OR they go out and do everything. I completely understand what it’s like to feel and act both ways unfortunately.

Click here to read the lyrics for Reforget by Lauv

I stumbled..across Humble *pause so for intended rhyme to be acknowledged* the poet accidently a few weeks ago, but his song H.A.I.R. is extremely dope and the production feels really original to me. I like his lyrics too.

Brooooooo Take Me Away makes me feel like I’m a feather gently gliding down through the atmosphere and landing on a really brightly scenic area near a beach or maybe in a valley full of different flowers padding the space between two hills during sunset. I really like Syd’s sound too. It’s so feely and jazzy and wonderful. Lyrics and vibe on point bb.

Bad at Love. Retweet.

No Coincidence is nowhere to be found on Spotify and that kind of irked me because it makes the flow on that platform slightly different. This song makes me think about the differences between something or someone being a part of your life by coincidence or by putting effort towards something. You used to be a coincidence, and something that was just there by fate, but now you’re just effort. It’s not easy going anymore. That fact makes me really really think about whether all of that effort is taking away the possibility of something better and less forced being a part of my life. I don’t know. Then again we’re the masters sticking it out during our phases. That’s just something I thought about while writing this.

Click here to listen to No Coincidence by Khalil on YouTube

OLLA by Jhené is off of her album Trip. That project is a lot to digest because it’s a double album, but I do highly suggest you give it a listen and also watch the twenty minute film she made to go along with the album. It’s such a unique plotline and executed so well. I like that this song makes me feel like I’m in a disco surrounded by light brown bellbottoms, and pastel tie-dyed clothing, and lights flashing everywhere gently, and everyone seems really at peace, and in the moment together. I see smoke in the air, but I think we both know it’s probably not a fog machine. That’s what I see and feel in my head when I hear this song.

Right now I feel really tapped out from writing and thinking about all of this. Imma just end it now.

Love,

-E xx.

p.s. Don’t forget to participate in EP 10 by clicking here to leave me some music! :)

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

I Give Up - part 27 (A Baekhyun Series)

Genre: suspense / angst

Characters: Baekhyun X You

A/N: Trigger warning: violence, attempted assault: sexual/physical, drugs/alcohol.

I Give Up -  part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5 , part 6 , part 7 , part 8 , part 9 , part 10 , part 11 , part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20, part 21, part 22, part 23, part 24, part 25, part 26, part 27, part 28 FINAL,

I Give Up Deleted Scenes Masterlist

The Notebook  Kinks 1   Pink Heart Days 

You were putting on mascara when your phone buzzed, letting you know of an incoming text. It was probably one of the friends who were meeting up later at the small bar near campus. You swiped when you recognized Minah’s name, your best friend who you had invited along. Your exams and being so busy with your boyfriend had made you neglect your best friend lately and you made her promise to join tonight.

When Baekhyun found out you were bringing Minah along he seemed to settle down a bit about your classmate, and study buddy Kim Youngshik who was going as well. While you understood his reservations, you really didn’t think he had to treat the guy like his arch nemesis simply because the guy seemed to have a little crush on you.

Surely an intelligent guy like Youngshik had enough understanding to accept that you were unavailable and clearly not interested in him that way. He was a friend. A good friend who lent you notes for classes he had already taken that he knew you would need soon, and even gave you heads up about which professors to stay away from. With how far removed Baekhyun was from college life, it was difficult for him to understand the benefits of making friends with your classmates, especially the super helpful ones like Youngshik.

It wasn’t like you gave Baekhyun a hard time about hanging out with all of those beauties from the different idol groups. Just recently you had seen him being sweet online with Yoona of SNSD, during one of those LOL broadcasts. You knew the man well enough to recognize his body language and you knew what a slightly flustered nervous flirt looked like.

You hadn’t said a thing about it! You just closed the browser on your laptop with a few more mouse clicks than necessary and maybe you slammed the screen shut a bit too hard. You handled that like a perfectly reasonable adult and the funny noise your laptop had been making lately had nothing to do with your jealousy.

Did he really have to speak so cutely to his translator like that? Did he have to give her all those coupons too? Couldn’t he just….not?

No no…that was just him. He was sweet and generous and he was easy for a laugh and quick with a blinding smile. There was nothing at all behind the gifts. That was just Baekhyun.

And he was yours.

”Oh shit, Is this you?!!!” the text from Minah was well punctuated and had a link leading to some sort of celebrity news article site. You usually tried not to pay attention to these things. Celebrity gossip news was garbage and rarely based on any real facts, but you felt your stomach drop a bit when you clicked on the link, seeing the word EXO in the link words.

When the page loaded you felt dizzy and just a little more nauseated than you should feel right now.

EXO Member Caught Dating - Exclusive Photo Evidence Inside

You have never clicked on a link so fast in your life, feeling an instant annoyance at the slow loading website with annoying ads. The article was sparse. Promising loads of juicy details without actually delivering a thing and by the time you reached the end you had learned that the gossip reporters had received a tip. Absolute proof that a member of popular Idol Group EXO had a girlfriend and the article cut off with a link accessible only to paid subscribers of the news site.

Your phone was out and you were texting Baekhyun as that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach swelled and settled like a stubborn rock refusing to budge.

Your fingers weren’t quite working on your touchscreen keyboard and you groaned in frustration as you opted to call him instead.

“Hello?” His answer was instantaneous and you checked the tone of his voice for any signs that anything at all could be wrong.

“Baek, what–” You could feel the panic bubbling inside your throat and a quick steadying breath to calm yourself some interrupted your words, “–what are you doing now?”

“Hmm?” He hummed on the line, sounding like the same sweet man you had grown so used to, so comfortable with and you tried to ignore that stupid rock in your gut.

“Ahh, I’m laying down in my bed, feeling abandoned and unloved because my girlfriend is going out with her friends tonight and she told me I can’t come along. I’m thinking about crying a little bit later.”

His dramatics were perfectly intact and you came to the instant conclusion that he either didn’t yet know about the gossip article, or it wasn’t anything concerning. You hoped and prayed it was the later.

“Umm.” You inhaled a deep breath and decided the best way to approach this was to be direct.

“T-There’s an article on some stupid website that Minah just sent me…and I was just–”

“Ahh, is it the one about an EXO member dating?” He interrupted you in his soft voice and you felt a small speck of relief when you heard that voice.

He knew about it, yet he didn’t sound upset at all. He didn’t sound nervous or mad and you simply hummed in response to him. The panic you felt earlier had shifted into a sort of confusion about the reality of the situation.

“It said there were pictures, but I couldn’t see them I dont–” this time you interrupted yourself, unable to formulate any real conclusions without any facts about the situation.

“You dont think…it’s that person do you? The one that Hilda found? S-She said she had pictures, what if…what if she did something already?”

“Well if she did, we will have to handle it.” His words sounded so casual you stared ahead in disbelief, trying to will yourself to feel as calm as he sounded.

Could you really handle it? Could his career handle a huge scandal and could you handle the knowledge that you contributed to such a damaging blow to the man you loved?

“The pictures haven’t been released yet anyway, so we don’t know if their claims are even true. My manager said something about someone on twitter and I heard a couple of other members names. I’m not that concerned. Hilda will take care of it.”

How could he be so calm and dismissive about this? You felt like you wanted to vomit and he wasn’t that concerned.

“What time are you meeting Minah at the bar? What are you going to wear? Will you eat before you drink?” He was talking faster, asking his usual overprotective questions that somehow served to settle your mind back into your usual light mood when you spoke to him.

“I’m wearing the shortest skirt I own of course.” You teased in response and you heard him whine. You knew the look you would find on his face. The usual disgruntled pout.

“Are you sure you’re only going to one bar and then coming straight home?”

You had reached a point in your relationship with Baekhyun where you knew when it was time to put a stop to his dramatics, or risk getting stuck in this trap. His endless worries and protectiveness, paired with his capacity for impressive theatrics usually had to be kept in check for his own good.

“Oh, Minah just texted me that she’s leaving. I’ll be good I promise and I’ll call you later, I love you baby.” You may have had to stretch your truths with him when he got like this, and you really would text Minah as soon as you hung up with him. He didn’t need to know every single detail.

“You better answer my calls.” The threat in his voice sounded pretty believable this time and you hummed into the line before you hung up the phone to finish getting ready.

Okay so maybe your shortest skirt stayed behind in your closet, opting for skinny jeans and a flowy top. But you swore to yourself it had nothing to do with your sweet, slightly fragile boyfriend who was waiting at home for you to send him a selfie of you arriving safely in the bar. You pulled Minah close beside you and made her smile for the picture, sure to capture your whole image so he could verify that you were, in fact, in one piece and completely safe.

“Where is whats-his-face?”

His response came quick and you assured him that you didn’t know where Youngshik was, nor were you in any hurry to greet him tonight.

“Put your phone away, he will be fine without you for one night!” Minah had two drinks in her hand and was shoving one of them into your open hand as she pulled you further into the bar. You heard the sounds of music growing louder and what sounded like karaoke. Some pour soul was butchering one of your favorite songs and you decided that a few shots might help you handle that better.

Your first drink went down fast and with your giggling best friend on your arm, encouraging you to let loose you may have lost track of how many drinks you had as the laughter grew louder, the music grew more fun and much more tolerable, despite the endless chain of off key singers who took the stage and familiar smiles around the tables greeted you again and again. Some with hugs, others with jokes and one in particular with a request.

“Oh come on…” Youngshik was tugging on your arm. From the glassy look in his eyes you could tell he was drunk. Not falling down, but he definitely felt different than the usual studious dean’s list student you had gotten to know well during the semester.

“Come dance with me,” he whined with a pout on his face and a silly little hip wiggle that made you snort. You were too drunk to refuse the silly request and you headed toward the small space between the tables where a few friends were dancing to the upbeat song playing on the screen.

Dancing with Youngshik was fun. You weren’t particularly aware of much but he kept his hands to himself, thankfully and when the song was over you turned to head back to your table where your phone sat alone, waiting for you to check on. You thought you saw it light up once when you were making your way toward it but the lights in the bar were flashing with the music played too loudly, making you second guess yourself…making you think you saw things. Was it buzzing? You had nearly reached it when you felt a hand reach for yours and the surprise made you turn to look.

Youngshik was back. His glassy eyes blinking at you wide, you felt his hand wrap around your wrist and pull you back. Almost roughly, just enough to surprise you and make you look down at your wrist as it moved toward where he pulled.

“You need to come back, please dance just one more with me, come on.” He turned back toward where you had been dancing and you noticed the song had changed. The lights in the bar were pulsing with the beat of the music and every turn of your head sent the room spinning in a way that took just a second too long to settle.

“Are you okay?” Your feet had traveled, carrying you to the same spot where you had been laughing and dancing just minutes before…before you had left for something. What was it?

Someone was tapping and rubbing along your back now and you looked up, finding his eyes.

“Oh…oh it’s you, Youngshik.” You smiled a wide smile that he watched with curiously strange eyes for a moment before you saw him return it with a bright inviting smile of his own.

“Yeah its me. We were dancing remember? And then you ran away.” He frowned dramatically and you lifted your head feeling the shift in the music. The song that played now was slower and your dance partner didn’t seem to be bothered by the change one bit.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem to be drunk.” He giggled now and Minah howled with laughter in the background. The boys she had been talking to were making her laugh, feeding her new drinks with the sort of reckless abandon reserved for college life. This time when you were young and invisible and game for anything.

“I’m okay,” you said with a smile on your face that hopefully looked at least a little bit sober, “let’s dance then.”

You felt yourself give in to him. Had he always been this convincing?

The song was slow and you swayed with the beat for a while, willing the room to settle down some. There was a bit of relief when the chaotic lights stopped their assault on your senses and you could finally open your eyes.

You felt warm. Flushed and humid and someone had you in their arms as you swayed to the music.

How long was this song?

You had to check your phone. You were sure you saw it light up before. Before when you had tried to come back to the table and you were pulled away by…who was holding you so tightly?

Your head swam as you lifted it and you found the owner of the arms who held you upright was so familiar, yet different somehow. He held on too tight and he smelled wrong. Not like the one you loved, this one was…wrong.

His hands held too tight and when you looked up saw his face descending quickly. What was he doing? He wasn’t about to kiss you was he?

You pushed back, resisting, expecting him to loosen his grip around your waist quickly but feeling a weird resistance and a darkening in his eyes that sent a chill down your spine.

“Where are you going? We are dancing.” The voice that sounded close to your ear had an edge to it that you didn’t like and you felt a wave of something wash over you. What was that? It wasn’t pleasant. But the alcohol in your system was clouding everything you felt and made it hard to describe.

“I don’t want to dance with you anymore.” You said suddenly as you pushed out of his arms. Why did you have to push so hard to get him to let go? Perhaps your strength had been used up during the dance. Maybe he was holding on that tight.

The shove had been hard and you saw him stumble back, hitting his leg against a chair behind him that bumped against the table with your friends and classmates. A beer fell, a shout was heard out and you turned and made your way toward the bar. Your destination wasn’t for more alcohol but the bathrooms and you found the familiar symbol that told you this was the ladies room, pushing inside.

The air inside the bathroom felt cooler. The door closed behind you and muted the loud music that you hadn’t even realized had been muddling your brain until it shut off and the relief you felt was palpable.

You took your time, emptying your bladder and washing your hands in the sink before you splashed the cool tap water over your face, careful not to mess up your eye makeup, but feeling comfort in the coolness over your cheeks.

Your face was flushed and red from the heat and the drinks and you stared for a long while at your reflection before you heard a sound behind you.

You saw a familiar face and Minah smiled at you, clearly drunker than you were. You remembered the drinks the boys at the table had been pushing on her and she bounded in with her arms wide as she hugged you tightly, kissing your cheek over and over as she giggled.

“Youuu–” she slurred and you laughed. “Youngshik likes you. Didn’t you tell him you have a boyfriend?”

“It’s not like that Minah. We are just friends.” you responded, all the while thinking of the tense discomfort you felt moments earlier while dancing with him. In the quiet of the bathroom you began feeling a more clear headed now that you were out of the noise and the lights of the bar.

“I think I’m going to go home with Hoseok,” she giggled, “have you seen his ass lately? I’m going to get that.” Her voice was full of drunken confidence and you leaned against the counter as you waited for her to pee and come back out of the stall she had disappeared inside.

“Hoseok? Is he the one with the shiny shirt or the one with the mushroom haircut?”

“Shiny shirt. Mushroom is Minhyuk…although Minhyuk is really fucking hot too. I don’t care, either of them would do–” her giggles echoed out from behind the stall, “or both of them.”

“–if I disappear forever tonight, just know that I died a happy woman.”

You both emerged from the sanctity of the ladies room, feeling the stifling heat, the smell of too many patrons in one place and the raucous laughter of drunken mischief surround your head instantly.

“Oh you and your casual hookups…just be careful Minah. You know I need you.” She leaned into your arms around her as she laughed.

“And I need sex sometimes. We can’t all be as lucky as you…sex god as a boyfriend and all.” Her voice was loud and you raised your hand to her mouth to silence the ridiculous words she was spewing before she could accidently say his name, or anything else that definitely didn’t need to be broadcasted in this place.

She pulled your hand down and gave you a sassy look

“Oh settle down, I may be drunk but I still remember the confidentiality agreement that showed up with a lawyer at my house the day after I met him.”

Her words made you stop your forward movement and you felt her stumble when you suddenly stopped. Her arms around you going slack for a moment before she let go.

She looked into your surprised face before she wrinkled her nose and shook her head, taking a few unstable steps to close the distance between you both.

“I guess you didn’t know that part. Yeah, we all got them. Dahee, Jaewoo, Taeil, everyone who knows about you and him–”

Your fuzzy mind was having trouble processing the flood of information you suddenly had thrust at you.

Baekhyun had sent lawyers to your friends and made them sign legal documents? Your expression must have looked worried because you felt her warm arms around you, pulling you in for a tight hug.

“Don’t worry about it. You know more than anything I was…impressed,” she rubbed along your back as she hugged you, reassuring you with her words against your ear, “he seems to really love you. The measures he takes to keep you safe and happy feel very genuine.”

You felt her release you and she smiled as you began to soften up some.

You had both reached the tables, walking by groups of classmates who laughed, flirted, even made out with each other and you looked around for Youngshik, feeling a weird unease at not knowing exactly where he was for some reason. You couldn’t be sure of the source of this weird feeling, but even significantly dimmed by the alcohol in your system, you were certain that this Youngshik felt different than the one you had been close with all semester.

Was it just the alcohol?

When you sat down at the table you saw your phone right where you had left it and you picked up to check for messages or missed calls.

Honestly you expected at least one message or one call. Something.

But strangely the thing was bare. Not a single message waiting, no notifications pending. Not even a voicemail.

Perhaps you had imagined it. The illumination you were sure you had seen on your phone as you tried to return to the table, only to be pulled back by your drunk dance partner demanding another dance. Was it really just the lights in the club?

You grabbed your phone and glanced around once more, checking for your small change purse that you had stuffed in your pocket with important things like your license and your cash, you stood, suddenly deciding that you needed just a bit of air. Just a bit of a break from this stuffy club and the loud laughter and these two people all over each other in the booth next to you.

The front door of the bar was busy, packed with people filtering in and out and you waited for what felt like forever for a pause in the traffic. Finally you saw an out and you took it, slipping past the people onto the sidewalk outside.

The peace wasn’t as overwhelming and instant as you hoped it would be because the crowds of people out here were just as thick, just as drunk and just as obnoxious.

“Hey baby where you going?” A bro with a backwards cap and a ridiculous accent shouted in your direction as you brushed past him, ignoring the laughter that seemed to be cut short suddenly behind you.

Your curiosity was overshadowed by the haze in your vision as you walked and tried to keep your feet moving forward.

The one thing he told you, don’t get wasted. And here you were, having completely lost track of the number of drinks you had as you wandered outside of this club alone, desperate for the ground to quit trying to spin away from your legs like that.

The ground wasn’t cooperating and you felt your phone buzzing inside the back pocket of your jeans. Waking and finding your phone was too much so you had to stop and lean against the quiet space off to the side of the bar. Nearly in the alleyway, the light from the street lamps provided enough light for you to see ahead of you just fine.

His name flashed across your screen…well the name you had in your phone for him. A leftover from your first meeting, when he showed up in your parents dry cleaning shop with a stained shirt.

“Hello My love…” You held the phone to your ear, feeling the overwhelming love you felt course through you just by seeing him call your phone.

“Where the fuck are you?” His words flew through your ear like a bullet seeking its target and you flinched at the harshness you heard. It was his voice, you were sure of it, but he sounded so tense and worked up that you had to pull the phone away from your ear for a second to control the flare of nerves that rushed through your body.

“W-What do you mean? You know where I am?”

“And Him? Where the fuck is that piece of shit? Do you know what it feels like to–” You could hear the anger now, flooding through the phone and you knew he would be so consumed by it that the words were getting jumbled.

You felt blindsided by it though. Where was this coming from? He had been happy when you last talked to him and he didn’t even call you while you had been out.

Your heart sped up inside your chest and you shook your head, trying to make some sense of this sudden mood. This sudden rage that had taken over him again.

He groaned away from the phone and you heard a car horn honking noisily on the line. Was he driving? While this mad? What if something happened to him?

“Would you care to explain to me, why he is answering your phone for you…asking, no fucking demanding to know who the fuck I am and why I would be calling your phone?” His voice dropped to a low growl as he spoke words you couldn’t quite make any sense of.

“Who a-answered my p-phone Baekhyun?” Your mind was a mess and your mouth didn’t get the words out as smoothly as you wanted, not with him yelling at you like this. You felt nervous and confused and quite drunk to be honest.

“How drunk are you? You sound like you’re completely wasted, I can’t fucking believe this.” He let out a loud puff of air over the mic of his phone and you could hear the squealing of brakes before he came back on the line from whatever he had done in his car.

“‘S-She doesn’t have a boyfriend? She’s mine now?’ Did you tell him you didn’t have a boyfriend? Why would he say that to me?”

“Who are you talking about Baekhyun? I don’t know what you are saying–”

The words cut off when you felt the absence of the phone that laid warmly over your ear just a second before.

Where was his voice? His angry breathing and the sounds of his horn honking and his brakes stopping short? Your hand was empty and you looked behind you as soon as you felt it. The tell-tale presence of someone warm and alive standing behind you.

The surprise of the phone being taken didn’t quite compare to the chest trembling shaking that you felt when you heard that same cell phone fly across the alley way you stood in and hit the wall of the opposite building, shattering glass and plastic as it hit.

You shrieked in genuine fear and surprise but that sound was muffled by a hand over your mouth. You felt your legs moving, shoved deeper into the darkness of the alley as the wall behind you came up fast. Too fast, it hit you hard and the sensation of heavy arms over your chest made it hard to breathe.

Your eyes were wide as your heart beat fast in your chest. The fuzziness of the alcohol made your reality swim and you looked ahead into cold glassy eyes as a sick sinking feeling consumed your body.

Eyes that looked familiar, yet so different from the same ones you had seen all semester. Sweet, friendly, smiling and helpful before, but now you saw nothing but coldness. And anger? But…why?

“You just don’t get it do you?” Youngshik whispered out in a soft voice against your face. The smell of his breath, acrid and vile up close made your stomach churn and you pushed against the weight of his arms over your chest as you tried to scream.

The sound didn’t come out. His hand over your mouth was too tight and the effort made you dizzy. Your hands gripped against them, trying desperately to pull his hands off of you in vain. He was too strong and too blinded by whatever rage was happening inside his head.

“I thought you were smart, but you keep on disappointing me.” You felt a pain where his arms pushed against your chest, leaning over you too hard now and your faced screwed together in agony. The action felt deliberate, but the look in his eyes was suddenly disconnected as he watched your face. Those eyes moved slowly, taking their time as he watched you up close and you felt your skin crawling as he did it. When he shifted his weight you felt his arm move from the crushing hold it kept over your chest and the weight of his legs moved around yours, pinning you against the wall with strong thighs that kept you from escaping. The heat of his body was on you, making your stomach churn as the nausea took over your body. With the way he pushed up against you like this you felt the unmistakable bulge he pressed against your thigh. You whined and tried to wiggle away from him.

His eyes followed his fingers now, the arm he just freed was trailing lightly along your hairline when you felt him grip roughly, the hair on the side of your head, pushing it hard against the wall.

The pain was intense and you winced as you tried to move in the direction he pulled.

“I gave you so much. I worked so hard for you, helping you as much as I could and for what? What have you given me? Not a thing. But stupid girls like you just don’t get it. I guess should just fucking take it.” Your cries were still muffled by his hand that grew sweaty now as he partially covered your nose, making you feel dizzier and light headed the longer he did it. The tears streaming from your eyes now added to the wetness of his hand. Your breathing gasped through your nose desperately trying to get some fresh air, anything you could get, but his hand was too tight. Your hand swung out, trying to grab ahold of something, anything. You made contact with skin, somewhere on him, his arm or his face, you couldn’t know for sure but each scratch of your nails went ignored.

“All you had to do was break up with him. That’s it. I made it so easy for you. I even used my sister’s stupid fancafe account and her stationary so you would take the threat seriously … when I found out who he was I couldn’t fucking believe my luck. She just happened to be one of those stupid morons who in hopelessly in love with that asshole.”

His words had an echo that rattled inside your ears but their truth hit you hard. Had he sold the pictures he had? Was this bomb waiting to drop as soon as that magazine decided to release the proof. But what were the pictures? You didn’t doubt Youngshik’s insanity at this point. The lengths he was willing to go to get what he wanted had been made abundantly clear. How damning would those pictures be? Career ending? Cataclysmic and so revealing they would follow Baekhyun around for the rest of his life? Your panic rose inside your chest and you felt the world grow just a little greyer as the ugliness was made more pronounced.

The street lights behind his head in the alley had taken on a flickering behavior, as if they were going out. Blinking in and out over his head the dizziness was changing the longer he kept his hand over your nose and those lights were so dim.

“He’s not even that special. That’s not a real man, I’ll show you a real man–”

You heard a sound. Something loud and something significant so up close and those glassy eyes that had been glaring wicked at you shifted with that sound.

What was that sound? Your eyes tried to open but you were slipping lower, down onto the ground, the rough bricks at your back scraping against your shoulders as you sunk lower until you sat on the floor, dizzy and gasping.

Because you could breathe. His hand was gone and you gasped in desperately, filling your lungs with precious air finally, but unable to get enough. It wasn’t enough. You needed more, you gasped and choked, filling yours lungs over and over. Your mind was pulled by a sick fleshy sound as you fell forward onto your hands. The trembling in your chest was too much and there was something happening right in front of you.

Something noisy. The sounds of impacting flesh…someone hitting something, or someone, again and again and you then you saw him. He grunted and growled with each punch. His familiar black coat and a facemask over his face, hood over his head and he was on top of that…that.. evil man who had tried to hurt you.

Baekhyun must have pulled him off of you but something felt so wrong with the man you loved. His sweetness was gone. His smiles and laughter were a distant memory as he hit Youngshik, over and over again, the growling you heard from him as he hit had stopped and his breathing echoed out so hard. His eyes were focused and driven as he hit, smashing his fist into the man’s face with such force you knew something would break. Whether Baekhyun’s fist or Youndshiks face or both.

Baekhyun was gone. He was so consumed with the rage you saw trembling as he pulled up roughly on the bloody faced man, shaking him hard with his fist tight around his collar until his eyes slit open, waking up just enough for another punch.

You stared at the scene before you trying to recognize either man.

“Baekhyun,” you said, finding that your voice worked. The tremors in your body had subsided enough for you to recognize what was happening and you knew you had to stop him.

He had to stop. For his own sake, for the sake of the man you loved, you had to stop him. Before this destroyed him and everything he had worked for his entire life, this had to stop.

“Baekhyun stop,” you said again louder and you caught the tick of his head as he looked up, fist raised mid air. His knuckles were red and bloody and his head turned to you.

Youngshik coughed weakly, spitting out blood from his lips and the grip that Baekhyun had around the man’s collar fell, sending the back down onto the pavement with a grunt of pain.

Baekhyun looked down at the man below him before he looked back at you, his eyes changing and clearing the more he saw you and he was moving, scrambling away from the fight, from the violence and from the anger he was moving toward you with his arms outstretched.

“Baby…” his voice was quiet and muffled by the mask and the heavy breathing but his voice was his own.

You felt his hands reach for yours and closer as he crouched before you on his ankles. His hands reached for your face before you saw his eyes glance down at his hands. He winced at the bloody mess of his hands and pulled them back, not touching your skin with his hands like you had wanted him to.

You reached instead. If he wouldn’t do it you would and you felt him lean closer when you reached for his waist, slinking your hands under his coat, against the warmth of his body, over the thin tshirt that seemed much too cold for this night.

Baekhyun gave in to your touch and fell down off his ankles onto his knees before you and you felt his warmth wrap tightly around you.

“Shhh…” you heard him whispering over your head and your mind whirled to realize that the crying sound was coming from your own lips.

“Shhh, baby you’re okay,” he said as he held you tighter and rubbed harder over your back.

Even now, with the sweat from the fight, the dirt and blood on his hands and the stress from the night you felt it. The complete and undeniable comfort and safety in his warm arms. You breathed in as best you could through the quiet cries that shook your chest and the smell of him filled your senses. Drowning out the fear and the noises erupting around you as people arrived.

“Mr. Byun, Didn’t I tell you not to come here alone?” A serious voice spoke over your head. Familiar and accented, you looked up to see Hilda, the woman in charge of security.

Baekhyun didn’t respond to her and you felt him pulling you up to your feet, his arms firm and steady around your waist.

“Come on, let’s go to the hospital.” He wasn’t responding to Hilda or to anyone else from the group of men in black suits that asked him questions.

You heard Hilda’s voice again, the curt all business way she spoke made you open your eyes again.

“You must not go to back to your car. There are crowds now. People have been taking pictures. It’s not exactly a conspicuous car… your name is already being circulated on twitter” .

“What about the ones I hit,” he responded.

“The driver of the motorcycle on the sidewalk and the other parked car have already been dealt with,” she let out an exasperated sigh as her eyes narrowed in his direction. “But did you really have to drive on the sidewalk? This is such a mess.”

“And what would have happened to her if I waited behind with you? I don’t pay you to follow the fucking traffic laws, I pay you to protect my family,” he snapped and you saw the glance the woman gave you before she shut her mouth with a small nod of her head.

“Give me your car.”

She nodded and lifted her eyebrows in the direction of a black sedan that was parked in the alley.

“At least let me drive,” she said.

The first steps felt uneasy and you leaned into him, not quite getting why you felt so weak. Was this just from the alcohol. Perhaps you were in shock from the attack.

“Can you walk?” He said above your head and your feet stumbled against themselves.

He bent down and you were flying. Lifted so high into the air you felt swaying and the breeze along your face, your arms wrapped around his neck and you felt the dizziness take over as you slumped against his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck, you craved his warmth and his smell. Anything that would tell you you were safe with him now. That he was okay and that you were okay.

“Me. Byun I will take her to the hospital. Please you should leave before someone sees you.” A low voice you didn’t know spoke with authority and you felt his grip tighten around you.

“Absolutely not. She doesn’t leave me.”

The path to the car took you by by the man who did this. He was awake and sitting up against the wall, what looked like a private doctor for hire examining him, asking him questions with big scary looking men with suits and ear pieces looming over them. Next to the men stood another man in a police uniform. Strangely silent and uninvolved, you wondered if the policeman was real or if he was just there to look real. He definitely didn’t feel like a policeman the way he ignored you, not even bothering to take any statement from you before you were taken away. He didn’t once look up at Baekhyun as he carried you away, despite having clearly been involved in this fight that left the other guy so broken and hurt.

Youngshik looked dazed and hurt and you watched until he moved. You stiffened and gasped when his dark eyes looked up at you.

“Don’t look at him, love,” Baekhyun whispered into your ear and you closed your eyes tightly.

Hilda drove quickly and you found your mind drifting as you laid against his chest in the back seat of the car and listened to his heartbeat.

You must have fallen asleep because you woke hours later in a hospital bed with an awful taste in your mouth. You lifted your hand, feeling the tug of the IV in your hand and you heard voices you recognized.

Weird words were thrown around and the dizziness in your head was fading as you listened.

You heard the word drugged and lucky and you searched searched for the source of the voices.

Baekhyun and your mom stood at the foot of the bed speaking with a doctor in a white coat and you moaned at the pain you felt in your head.

Their three faces turned and you were rushed upon by your mom who reached for your hand, squeezing tight as she looked closely at your face, asking a million questions in only one breath that made you blink wide at the woman as you willed her to speak quieter.

“If Baekhyun hadn’t been there–” She was crying now and from the look of her puffy eyes, this wasn’t the first time tonight. His hand was on her shoulder and she rose quickly to wrap her arms around his neck as she wept and muttered her sincere thanks. He hugged her tight, catching your eyes for a moment before he closed them. Swallowing away the pain you saw behind those eyes with his closed lids.

The fuss died down and you were made to eat something that you could only choke down half of. Your mom left making him promise to take care of you and soon you found yourself sitting up in the bed with his eyes watching you silently.

Baekhyun looked tired. His hair was flat and lifeless against his forehead and his right hand had bandages over the knuckles.

“Did you crash your car?” You broke your own silence and he licked his lips and swallowed before he blinked with a small nod of his head.

“Yeah, a little bit.” His eyes were still on you, a strange look in them. Neither admonishing or disappointed, he looked at you with what you could only describe as a silent reverie of thanksgiving.

He had been there.

You felt the emotions sneaking up on you as he looked at you. He leaned forward with his lips parted and let out a quiet exhale of breath before his hands lifted and he covered his face with both of them. His elbows rested on your bed, near your hand with the painful IV and you reached your fingers out to graze against his arm. Lightly touching, feeling the warmth of man you loved more than anything else in the whole world.

He let out a quiet, nearly inaudible gasp and his shoulders began to tremble. He was so silent as he wept.

He has been so strong and you felt the pain inside your chest as he gave in to it. The fear, the stress, the near tragedy of it, he withstood it like a pillar of strength.

Yet with you, at your hospital bed without another soul present, he could finally break down.

“I thought… I thought I wouldn’t make it in time.” Muffled by his hands over his face and by the quiet sobs, you made barely out his words.

“Don’t…don’t you scare me like this again, I can’t –” he pulled his hands down and wiped the tears from his face. His lips trembled and his nose was red and you wiped the tears from your own face.

“I can’t live without you. It’s not just that I don’t want to, I can’t.” He stood and leaned over you and you felt the wetness on his cheeks before you felt his lips on yours, pressing down hard, paying no attention to the tears and the wetness that dropped from your nose now, he kissed you firmly and with meaning.

When he pulled away you heard a bell chime. He was reaching for tissues and he held the box out for you when he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Absentmindedly wiping at his face with a tissue now.

His eyes took in the information on his phone.

And you saw the way they flew wide when he registered something and you felt a different kind of tension building inside your chest with his next words.

“The pictures are out.”

I Give Up -  part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5 , part 6 , part 7 , part 8 , part 9 , part 10 , part 11 , part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20, part 21, part 22, part 23, part 24, part 25, part 26, part 27, part 28 FINAL,

I Give Up Deleted Scenes Masterlist

The Notebook  Kinks 1   Pink Heart Days