#He's just a big scam lmao

[l3v1s-g4m3r]

lmao I might make like a series but it’s just different aus where you know the brothers prior to being kidnapped/sent to the devildom

it’s mammon this time !!

so you open your email to a free iphone scam. you delete it and go on with your day. the next day you get another one. you delete it and go on with your day. this happens for a week straight before you eventually add the number on the scam email to tell this idiot off. you say, as I quote;

“bitch stop fucking sending me scam emails 😐”

he replies and somehow HES the mad one now. you two argue for like 10 minutes straight because, gosh, he just can’t accept that he’s wrong??

the argument dies down and you both go back to your day. that is until you get another scam ad the next day.

“ok you rat bastard what’s your address I’m finna pull up rn one of us dying today and it ain’t gonna be me”

he.. actually sends you coordinates??? there’s no way this mf will just give away his address, so you put the coordinates in google.

it shows your house.

“WHAT THE FUCK HOW DO YOU KNOW MY ADDRESS 😭”

he doesn’t say how or even WHY he has your address on hand, but he decides to fucking blackmail you to help him make money.

you agree because you don’t want some random sixty year old man to come to your house because you didn’t help him make money.

he tells you his name is mammon, and yeah serves him right because he IS a demon for blackmailing you.

you try to do the iphone scam like him, doesn’t work. you try the “you have a virus” scam, it doesn’t work.

so you have to take great lengths.

you become a discord e-kitten. and it surprisingly works really well, all you have to do is claim you’re a minor and send pics of your feet. then send the money to mammon.

and you’re not scamming people while doing it so all is good!

as much as it is a surprise, you and mammon become pretty good friends. I mean, you are basically the ONLY source of money he has, and a pretty good one at that. you even call him boss!

when you’ve made him about $1000 (or 50,000 grim if you transfer it), you both decide to show each other your faces and he’s actually a cutie bro?? like what?? you expected a sixty year old man blackmailing you but he’s a hot guy in his 20s??

one day while you were preparing to get on discord to continue e-kittening, you get sucked into a random portal. and fall straight on your face. right infront of a bunch of hot men. just great.

when the cute redhead explains your situation, you’re not too worried. might aswell get used to being here, since it’s gonna be your home when you’re dead!

the raven haired fellow gives you you’re “phone” for when you’re down here and tell you to call mammon.

wait, mammon?! boss?!

you look at the profile picture and surely that’s him, I guess you saying he was a demon for blackmailing you was the weird truth. why else would he be here?

you click the call button.

“oi, what’s the big idea-“

“HI BOSS!”

“wha- WIMP?! WHY ARE YA CALLIN’ ME ON A RANDOM NUMBER?!”

“so um, long story short, I’m in hell and this black haired guy told me to call you. I think his name was lucifer??”

“no way… YOURE THE EXCHANGE STUDENT?! THIS IS A PRETTY NICE DAY AFTER ALL! COMIN’ THERE NOW!”

everybody else in the room is confused why you called mammon “boss” and why he was so buddy-buddy with you, considering he doesn’t do that with strangers, especially HUMANS.

mammon would’ve been annoyed he had to babysit some human, but he has no problem with it because he’s making money and he’s with his wimp 💕💕.

[str8upjorkinit]

Why do you like the brat

(genuinely want to know lmao)

funny you should ask that...

it all started when I saw that one ad where leo was kicking his feet in the bathtub...(big yap warning)

shallowly, he gives power bottom energy. i was prepared to not like him since my friend was further in the game + picked leo bc she thought he looked cunty and quickly found out that she hated him, but my first meeting of him was that ad.... that ad.... hes so like girly and like cutesy and and :3c!! so then i actually met him in the game... hes so girly and cutesy omg, i live for that fake bitch energy. hes so like... pathetic and two faced and cute like....

so basically i have this thing where i yearn for this kind of dynamic where i can overpower him but hes smarter than me and also very interesting so i just let him boss me around. hes so like... weak. and i love his voice i need him to moan in my ear especially when hes being fake and cute bc he wants something from you? "captain~<3 can you please open this bottle for me?~ <3" ugh. fuck. boner. hes such a vixen. hes such a diva.

also him crying... oh my lord LEO CRYING!!! UGHHH. the world's prettiest crier <3 and his goddamn tongue piercing

also like the switch up is hot too, the duality of man <3 my pretty delicate princess!!

psychologically, hes such a fucking wreck and i love that, hes such a bitch, and hes so manipulative, and hes so jealous, and insecure, and such a liar, im so fascinated!!! does he know how awful he is? does he realize how toxic hes being? is he toxic on purpose?? is he a shit friend on purpose? is it a power trip to make sho pay for his food or is he just lazy? i want to know what hes thinking

his relationship with sho is so fascinating too, like its so clear hes scared of losing him but in a way he also hates/loves him. like wdym you have other friends besides me??? you're starting a business??? ugh, ur so lame. and he actively tries to isolate him, is he jealous of sho's popularity? his talents? his social life? or does he hate the things that takes sho away from him?? he also does not give a shit about shos happiness either bc he like badmouthed him to subaru just so subaru could leave him alone... wow... what a fucking asshole... im so invested, drama!!!! also the valentine's day line where he doesn't mention getting anything but sho does,,, it means something no?? dude, like, leo is everything and nothing, i bet he feels so worthless but to make up for that he uses sho and internet validation

hes built like a reality tv character, THE instigator but hes smart about it. hes such an attention whore, like .... regina george... guys real shit i have a mean girl kink /j

leos the type of bitch to flirt with and sleep with his boss to make more money.

ANOTHER THING he has like a weird sense of justice?? like he hates ppl who've made the world shitty (ref to when he jumps off the building) and so him and sho scamming old rich guys is kinda like them being vigilantes? leos kinda like an anti-hero in a way. hes so interesting!!! AHH!!!

omg also hes in his self-destructive era and i need to see how it goes, like will he be a villain? will his life get ruined bc of himself?? will he get punished? will he redeem himself? does he regret his choices??

ngl i tho im actually not romantically interested in him, which is pretty surprising considering how much i like him. im obsessed with him in the most objectifying way possible

but yeah i love my toxic fruit tart boy <333

[annievrse]

boyfriend!eren headcanons pt. 5 .*･｡ﾟ

—ᡣ𐭩 headcanons a/n: u guys love him, so i will provide more...... c/w: zeke is a father (his kid is named oliver), use of y/n once part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

children LOVE bf!eren and he treats them like they're his friends instead of actual kids

bf!eren 'hangs out' with his nephew instead of babysitting him. he talks to oliver about the basketball game on tv like he's his best mate..... asking for his opinion, if he wants a beer, about his doctor's visit yesterday, 'hey y/n, can i give him some pizza?'..... when ollie is literally 4 months old

bf!eren wears nba jerseys or oversized graphic tees with sweat shorts...... that's just his style. i really can't see him in anything other than sweatpants, a hoodie, and his bigass dunks when he goes out.... sorry to all the fashion girlies 😔

BUT, if it's somewhere important (team dinner, awards night, a wedding, a ball perhaps etc), then he does wear a suit & dress shoes (all black). he's not THAT laidback ok

bf!eren surprises you with your favourite dessert every friday night (not really a surprise atp, but it's the thought that counts <333)

wherever you sit, bf!eren has his arm over the back of the chair/couch you're on

bf!eren LOVES sci-fi movies from the 70s & 80s, hence the back to the future DVDs (part 4), the star wars funko pops (leia, darth vader, chewie, luke) he has around his room, and the framed dune poster in his living room

bf!eren listens to rap music, mostly kendrick, travis, eminem, baby keem, chief keef, yeat... i could go on forever. BUT he also loves 80s rock (eg his bon jovi vinyl (part 4), inxs CDs, and many more), and 90s & 00s club music

you keep extra snacks in your backpack for bf!eren because he gets hungry in class AFKJSAFJ

bf!eren flirts with you 24/7, and pretends to flirt with you as a stranger in public sometimes because he is SILLY

you both have an obsession with taking photos of each other (but find it annoying when the other does it) (e.g. on a picnic, you've got your phone out, ready to take a picture of bf!eren absolutely destroy his sandwich, but when he sees you, he tilts his head and sighs, covering his face with one hand and his other holds the sandwich to his mouth) (e.g. 2. you're reading on the couch, bf!eren is sat across from you, your legs on top of his. and because eren never turns his phone ringer off, you hear him take a photo of you. you groan instantly and cover your face with the book, whining his name. he just giggles and adds it to his folder of photos of you)

bf!eren throws grapes at you when you ignore him (lovingly)

bf!eren buys your favourite album on vinyl so he can keep it at his house

bf!eren likes being the little spoon but will be the big spoon if you don't want to <3

bf!eren plays with your fingers when watching tv/movies because he can't sit still to save his life

bf!eren is a golden retriever boyfriend, but he can be such an asshole!!

in part 2 i mentioned he can be so condescending and petty in an argument, and that's because he doesn't know how to express his emotions in a healthy way (but he's working on it with you!!)

in basketball games against certain colleges, bf!eren gets so fired up and aggressive and lippy. he talks so much shit on the court (he's known for it), and isn't afraid to take shit either (which pisses off the other team, and the whole cycle starts again)

but, it's a bonus for you when he gets off the court because he's looking extra hot..... and he knows it...... asshole

bf!eren is such a gossip too, like he hears ONE thing from jean in passing, and suddenly everyone in the group has heard about it... but everybody already knows not to tell bf!eren anything they don't want anyone else to know (the group still makes jokes about how poor jean got scammed by a fake protein powder website (he lost $200 HA.... sorry))

lmao bf!eren's such a little shit <3

[skatingbi]

Yo we out here with some more Ace lives AU but i'll make them little bullet points so I dont have to write a whole essay. Enjoy my little headcanons!

Warning: Theres. So many. Im not sorry tho lmao

Ace joins the strawhats after the time skip, nobody really minds and theyre happy to spend time with luffy's older brother. He quickly becomes best friends with Nami. I just feel it in my soul that they would gossip together.

Both Ace and Luffy suffer from awful PTSD symptoms after Marineford. With Luffy, his crew eventually learn how to help him. With Ace, though, he only has Luffy to lean on for support until the crew get aquanted with him.

Actually, to add onto that bc im a sucker for acesan, Sanji is the first after Luffy to reach out during one of his bad days when even really small triggers can make Ace spiral into a panic attack.

More acesan sorry lmao. Ace is usually either out on the figure head of the sunny looking at the ocean when Luffy isnt occupying that spot, in the gallery when Sanji is working, or just out on the deck laying on the grass. He especially likes being around sanji in the gallery.

Pre timeskip Ace is extremely different than this AU's Ace because yes he's silly and carries an air of confidence with him still, but he's never shirtless around others anymore. For a long while, Ace doesnt leave the ship or pick fights. His confidence is a facade for a long time.

Depression hits ace like a truck in this AU and its only eased with the help of Luffy and Sanji. Chopper also helps the best he can with what he's got. Ace is grateful for this, and eventually his old self starts to emerge more and more. Luffy is there with him the entire time.

Ace has insomnia, but so does Sanji and Zoro. He'll hang out with them during late night hours either on watch with zoro sharing stories or with Sanji talking to him while he's doing prep work or inventory. He'll probably also fend off luffy when his little brother tries to break into the locked fridge lmao

But more funny headcanons!! Im getting depressing here sorry!! Ace will mess around with Luffy and entertain him before meal times by play fighting. Their asses will be duking it out on the deck and Chopper will be all concerned and Zoro and Nami will be like "Siblings." Like thats the most obvious answer in the world.

Tbh, the crew members with any type of sibling or sibling bond will get it. Luffy will deadass try to steal Ace's food and Ace will smack his hand lightly with haki and Luffy will dramatically exclaim how mean his big brother is.

"Ace is so mean! I'll starve to death!" "Yeah, sure, you little menace"

Ace regaining strength over his devil fruit powers by making little shapes out of fire for chopper, luffy, and usopp. Franky and brook join the group to give ace prompts. It becomes a nightly occurance at this point.

The first time he decides to go shirtless in front of the crew, they realize his old tattoo is replaced by scar tissue that covers nearly his entire back. Nobody says anything, but I think Franky and Nami would be really understanding. Also luffy. Luffy would be like "We match! Ace has a cool scar like I do!" and it reassures him but also breaks his heart simultaneously.

Ace eating nearly as much as luffy and Sanji being like "Are you sure youre not blood related? Because youre both gonna run my kitchen dry"

Ace not really having a defined role in the crew and them not really minding it. Ace floats around basically. It kind of fits him more that way since he knows a bit of everything. He'll look at maps with nami to chart a course to the next island, He'll fight alongside zoro and sanji, he'll tell usopp about different ways to use combustion and heat in weapons or ammo, etc.

Ace and nami using the power of their good looks to scam people lmao and ace being able to swindle men and women. Nami is impressed and also jealous.

Luffy growing his hair out so him and Ace match, but luffy apparently has curlier hair than Ace so its just a fluffy mess until usopp caves and teaches them how to actually take care of their hair (luffy does not absorb a single thing and ace now has to help luffy with his hair when it gets as long as his)

Ace noticing one day how zoro looks at luffy and being like "yikes...you got it bad, man" and zoro just being like "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-" but ace is fucking cackling and now zoro cant be too mad about that. He's still embaressed as fuck about it though.

Expanding on that actually: Ace actually being supportive because he knows how loyal zoro is. He isnt worried. Plus, Luffy is extremely strong and it takes a lot to actually hurt him. So he's like "dude you gotta just tell him straight up he is dense as hell"

Ace the ultimate wingman for zoro. Not luffy, though. That's what Nami is there for. Him an nami are definitely working together and placing bets on when and who asks who out with robin, usopp, sanji, and franky. I wont say what they chose for their bet but robin definitely wins.

BUT luffy, nami, zoro, robin, usopp and franky place bets on Ace and Sanji. Ace is never subtle. He flirts openly and is proud of it. Sanji is very subtle with ace, though. The crew immediately see past his bullshit of trying to be straight. Its painful to watch. Poor sanji is trying so hard to remain closeted but the closet is literally glass. I wont say who betted what as per my last bullet point, but surprisingly zoro won. Everyone (nami) is outraged by this incident. Luffy is here for a good time.

The crew playing card games except they learn sometimes ace cannot handle flammable objects because he will burn them accidentally. Competitive card games are now banned if ace is playing.

Ace is also banned from using his devil fruit powers while sparring on the deck. The poor grass on there has been burned so many times. Nami has kicked his ass over it.

Ace and zoro get really competitive. Not like zoro and sanji, but they'll spar without weapons and at least one of them will leave with a busted lip or eyebrow and a lecture from chopper. Theyre chill though they just forget to hold back on their punches. Ace one time used haki and had to help franky fix the deck afterwards.

[danieyells]

This morning I was thinking about how Leo scams and threatens scummy, shady old men with his hacking prowess(and the 'life sucks and then you die, I just wanna make the people responsible regret it' line that kind of suggests to me this is his little brand of selfish justice, he doesn't just target anybody with money, it's specifically people who're making life worse somehow)

And how Jin hates his dad and there's absolutely no way President Kamurai doesn't have a vault full of skeletons

And Jin finding out Leo has this little operation of his and being like. Wanna take on some real big fish?

And who is Leo to say no to secrets and information of the family of the Cabinet Secretary of Japan? And he has Jin's blessing too? He's not sure what he's looking forward to more, the information or the money. And, of course, Jin's just happy to think his father's going to be having a hard time. He doesn't even want anything in exchange. Leo can make the information he finds public, Leo can pocket any money he gets/extorts and be satisfied with instilling a little fear, whatever he wants. As long as he causes President Kamurai some trouble.

They would have such a nasty little business relationship those two lmao especially when Leo starts realizing how shitty the Academy is. At that point he is personally invested in Institute President/Cabinet Secretary Kamurai's internet security team never getting any fucking rest. Not only did he make life suck but he made Leo's life suck. Perish.

[ns-imagines]

What they drive

141 Guys x domestic/everyday life

SFW | Word Count: 1.4k | Headcannons

**Long post with lots of pictures!

A/N: I dunno much about cars but I always wonder what the boys would be driving. See what they’re picking me up in for date night… this is just for fun and highlights the modern life they have outside of missions. Also the gif of Soap falling on the car took me out lmao. Not requested. -Kiv

John Price

A man who takes pride in his vehicles. He has two Chevy trucks. A nice truck for everyday use and a project truck. The perfect person to talk to if you are thinking of purchasing a car or truck. Price has got the “dealership scam” game down. You'll be leaving the lot with a good deal.

The project car being a 1985 Chevy C10. Price is always going on about how “this is every man's dream car to work on”. He says it everytime he opens the garage. Without fail! It's got a classic blue color with a few rust spots but, nothing a good layer of paint can't fix. Its the 90s car from the movies. Nothing else to say about it!

Ahh the project car. Price works on it when he can. Set up a lawn chair, get a glass of lemonade, and just watch that man work. Sometimes hell even explain to you what he’s doing. That is if you can even pay attention. There’s something so attractive about a man talking about what he’s passionate about all sweaty with a nice pump. HEY, wipe that drool off your face.

Price’s personal truck is nice. It gets him from point A to B. Everything on it is stock. He’ll always tell you hes gonna sell it once his project car has been fixed. But there’s still quite a lot to do on the project car. Its a 2012 Chevy Silverado in cherry black with a covered bed. Good on gas and can pull a trailer or boat! He doesn’t invest money in it for other than maintenance costs.

It smells specifically like “Lakeside Morning” from Bath and Body works car scents. The packaging is what got him. It was honestly super cute when he read the package out loud. “Smells like: Cool, Sweet, Fresh, and alone time on the dock” followed by a shrug and him throwing it into his cart. Does he even fish?

Oh, whenever he turns a corner in the Silverado theres a thud coming from the bed. Its a cooler that has been there FOREVER. He swears he’s going to take it out. Price brought it when 141 met for a cook out and some beers a few months ago.

-

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Don’t ask about the APR please. Kyle is going to use this bad girl till it breaks. Its his dream car. Price took him away from base to get a better rate for it! Its fast its speedy its a 2015 Ford Shelby GT350. Oh yeah racing stripes and all. He got it wrapped in a matte ocean blue. Im talking leather seats, tinted windows, and custom wheel.

Kyle loves this car and will always offer to pick you up. Ur always going to be passenger princess. Kyle always drives up reallll slow, rev the engine a little, and rolls down the window to smile big at you. He gets the door for you when you are both approaching the car. Don’t test him. He will literally sprint to get the door for you. An actual cutiepie

Hes so damn cute when it comes to long drives. Hand on your thigh and singing to the music together. Expect spontaneous trips!! He doesn’t even know where you guys are headed today.

Loves to speed up when there no cars in front of him. That feeling of the car pushing into you the sear is his favorite. Kyle is definitely the type to lightly bang on the steering wheel and go “Wooooooo” when returning to the normal speed limit. Hehe. Hope it didn’t freak you out too much. You will without a doubt get a few reassuring thigh squeezes.

Classic Black Ice scent. Cant go wrong with it! Its his car’s signature sent if you ask him. Kyle keeps his car clean. Theres a few half empty water bottles in the back but never straight up trash. He makes sure to buy the premium wipes for the interior. Like I said that car is his baby. Ugh did i mention the sound system?! Its absolutely amazing. You can feel the bass in your bones. Literally sounds like you’re in an air pod pro.

-

John “Soap” Mactavish

His car is the hangout car. Like if were going out with boys were taking Soaps car. He drives a pearl colored 2020 Honda Accord. He ordered the under the seat lights and everything. Its actually a vibe in there. The music changes the lights or he has an app on his phone to change the color. Another amazing sound system tbh.

Similar to Gaz the glovebox in the car is yours. He even puts stuff in there for you as a surprise :,). Sweet baby Johnny. Like one time you got in the car like usual and opened the glovebox to grab chapstick or some perfume/cologne and sitting on the car instruction manual was a bag/box of ur favorite snack. When you looked back over, Johnny was looking back at you with a big derpy smile.

Since his car is the hangout car it can get messy pretty easily. He has to do “trash runs” to empty the random things people leave in his car. Dont get it wrong, It isnt nasty with random food left behind!! Soap has tried those like little trash cans on Amazon but they always end up lost under the back seats.

Johnny always goes with New Car Smell. He doesn’t have a specific brand he likes he just gets whatever’s at the gas station at the time. He also has the bad habit of never locking his car. Soap swears he always forgets to but you think its just a habit at this point.

CEO of spontaneous trips. You would never believe how much camping stuff his car can hold. Soap will give him car encouraging words as it struggles to go up the hills to the hike or camping site. He always keeps an emergency box under the passenger seat. Its shaped like tackle box. It has a first aid kit, some portable batteries with chargers, flares, and an emergency flash light. Last time you both went camping he was so excited to show you the random hatchet he bought. He keeps it in the trunk for no reason. I mean, he cant have it in the barracks so you suppose it makes sense.

-

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Simon currently owns two bikes. Hes in the process of selling his old one. Which is a chameleon purple painted 2006 Suzuki GSXR600 with 750 cc. It gave him a good year and half off rides. He took care of it and rode it to its top speeds. It has a scuff on the side from when he tried to do a wheelie but, he was going to slow and had to jump off before it fell to its side. Your heart sunk when it happened. Ghost was super embarrassed because he thought he had it down. He’ll never tell you though.

After a long deployment where he was getting quite a big of hazard pay (extra pay when you’re in a dangerous location) he saved it all up. As soon as he got back he bought a black 2021 Honda Rebel 1100 DCT. This bike is fast but it’s more for cursing. Trust that he’ll ride it to its max speed at least once for the adrenaline rush.

Bought you a matching jacket. He wont say anything about it being matching but you noticed almost after putting it on. Best part about riding is when you get to wrap your arms around his waist. Simon always makes sure to take it slow especially if you get nervous on bikes. Don’t even try to do your hair. He wont move the bike unless you have the right gear on. Ghost doesn’t wanna lose you from an accident.

You are probably wondering what he does when it rains… or maybe you already knew he chooses to ride anyway. I promise though that after a ride in the rain he will slightly complain about how wet the road was. It makes you worry because so much could happen with one slip. Simon will always reassure you that he’s an experienced rider. If you pick him up in your car he won’t be upset. Definitely wont say no to a free and dry ride!

[lover-of-mine]

And the plot thickens

https://x.com/HappyFanBoy1980/status/1838977465059860759

Gone are the days of him needing to be hidden from the big bad buddie fans. No more is he being kept a secret for fan enjoyment.

No no. He is Hollywood royalty and unlike that big bad immature Oliver, he doesn’t need validation from anyone. His ability to ghost everyone should be applauded!!

💀💀💀💀 like just admit you got scammed with his cameos, over inflated his importance, and move on lmao

dude the noise i made reading this, help soaksokasokaoskaoksaoks

Hollywood royalty? WHERE? And the guy is better at setting boundaries??? Hello??? The guy took their money, kept raising the price of the cameos, dipped after the first controversy, and somehow he's doing something right? He used them. This person doesn't know the cameo lore because he literally is the only reason there is a ship war to begin with. He doesn't need validation from the fans? Are we talking about the same person??????? Ugh, why do I know more about him than they do. He literally encouraged people to reach out to him on cameo to talk about bt. For heavens sake.

[painted-bees]

Haha! Okay..! [[deep inhale]]

So, back before Magritte moved in with Raf, when they were first just meeting up for weekly jam sessions at the recording studio, Raf had kinda…only agreed to jam with her on the conditions that nothing would be recorded, no photos or social media posts about it, none of that. Magritte didn't care, she just wanted to play music with someone who was fun to play music with and wouldn't get bored of her after only an hour of it. She never pushed it. It never even came up in conversation. Total non-issue.

Eventually, once Magritte moved in and Raf started getting more confident/comfortable about her, he found that he very enjoyed collaborating with her on compositions, and had found himself wishing he could hear recordings of it. And so, it was him who suggested that they record some of the stuff they played, and–allowed her to post it to YouTube and such, so long as he was left uncredited or given a pseudonym. 

Magritte wasn't comfortable leaving him uncredited, and so consistently credited him as "Albatross" whenever his contributions were present in the work and recordings she posted. Raf knew about this, she never uploaded anything without permission. Her online presence/audience was very small and humble, it was fine.

They began playing at very small venues together, their "band" being named something totally different, and increasingly silly with each new gig. For Raf, this was his deliberate, careful, slow crawl out of a decade of extreme burnout. He promised himself that if it became at all stressful or stopped being fun, then he'd stop--plain and simple. 

His hard, fast rule with Magritte was "no contracts". If something required his signature, it wasn't gonna happen. He wasn't interested in getting dragged back into the "business" of music and showmanship, but he was very cautiously keen on rediscovering his joy for playing violin, and of playing to an audience. Magritte was, genuinely, the perfect accompaniment to help him ease back into it on his own terms. Though she wanted to make a living with her music, the money wasn't her goal--it was simply a thing that would allow her to keep playing music. If she didn't need the money to live, she'd have been content just playing music for fun every day for whoever would wanna listen to it. There were no dreams of "making it big" just dreams of "doing this forever, without anything else getting in the way of it". 

It's hard to say if it was due to one of Magritte's "Albatross" uploads, or if it was an audience recording from one of their small venue shows, or something else that put them on the radar, but one afternoon, Magritte received a very exciting email from the A&R division of a major record label--and experienced that ADHD bone-rattling excitement that only an impossible dream-come-true email inquiry could provide lmao.

She and Raf stop by a local coffee shop after work most days, and this was when Magritte decided to hand Raf her phone, asking if the email looked legit. He seemed to be in a pretty good mood, and she intended for the question to serve as a barometer as to whether she should suggest giving the label a chance or not. She figured, if he seemed uncomfy just assessing whether the inquiry was real and not a scam, then she wouldn't push it further than that.

But honestly, with a label this big, if it was legit, he'd at least be a little curious to know more about the offer, right?

No.

It's doubtful that Raf had even read past the first line of the email before his "pretty good mood" became stiff and cold as stone. Magritte felt the chances of a receptive outcome drop below zero as she watched the muscles of his jaw tense up.

His response was to ask, "Why are you bringing this to me? It doesn't matter if it's a scam or not, we had an agreement."

Taken aback by his hard, almost hostile tone, Magritte stammered that she thought he'd at least find the inquiry somewhat amusing, but "you're not even going to consider it, just for a second?" Raf repeated to her again that he had already told her contract and such were out of the question. She had been fine with it, she had assured him, even, that it was a non-issue. “Yeah, but–this one’s kind of a big deal.” To which Raf balked, “You thought I’d just change my mind if a ‘big enough’ company reached out to us?” And Magritte, defensively, blurted, “No, because it didn’t even cross my mind as a possibility!”

Raf pushed the phone over the table to her, and leaned back in his seat, stunned for a moment by the onslaught of his own racing thoughts and really, all he was able to say was "Why are you doing this to me? Why you?"

Recognizing that 1) she really stepped in it, and 2) she was too excited about this stupid email to abandon the pursuit of its possible offer as suddenly as the situation was demanding her to, Magritte stood to her feet suddenly, muttering apologies, saying something in frazzled tones about needing to get her thoughts straight before she said something stupid. She took her abrupt leave, but not before telling Raf that she'll meet him at home because she needs to settle her brain over a walk before she can talk reasonably with him about it. A quick “I love you” and she was out. 

Genuinely, it was the best thing she could think to do in order to avoid stubbornly, injuriously digging into the subject deeper while her ears and face flushed hot with both shame and disappointment. It wasn't going to be a productive conversation while her vision danced with black splotches under the intensity of her emotions. 

Unfortunately, removing herself from the situation as suddenly as she had created it meant that she had left Raf to sit and plummet into dread, with no voice to counter the incomprehensibly catastrophic flurry of his thoughts. 

As he had grown more and more comfortable with her, there had been a louder and louder alarm in his consciousness that told him the other shoe was gonna drop, that he had to back off if he wanted to avoid the devastating affirmation that Magritte, too, had only ever intended to use him. God, she played him so brilliantly, too. How had she managed to convince him to let her record? To post their sessions? To play in venues. How had she managed to get him to suggest it, like it had been his idea. It felt crazy to him that he somehow didn't realise it was all leading to exactly this situation. He had considered it, the notion was always there tickling the back of his mind like a persistent rash…but he really, really thought he was just being paranoid. He wanted so badly to believe he was…just being paranoid. Like a fucking idiot.

He got himself home, it was past dinner time, he didn't wait for Magritte to get back. Slammed back some sleeping meds and slam dunked himself into bed in order to avoid losing his goddamned mind.

Magritte's evening was…considerably more productive. The walk back home began with her mulling over all the ways Raf was being unreasonable and unfair for not at least entertaining the email. If the offer turned out to be no good, then it was no good! They should at least be able to discuss and consider it in a calm and mature manner, right? While it was true that he already had (and ended) an extremely successful musical career, she herself had yet to even get her foot in the door. She wasn’t anywhere near close to being able to make ends meet with her music, and her parents would never take her hard work and passion for it seriously until she was able to prove to them that it was actually worth something; that it was a sustainable, reliable path to pursue. It shouldn’t have mattered to her what they thought, but for some reason, she couldn’t help but make their approval/recognition/validation a core motivating factor in proving herself as a ‘competent’ musician. That competency, unfortunately, was measured by income and the willingness of a well known company to invest in her work. Being able to tell her parents that she was signed under something like Universal or such would have definitely turned their opinion around, and maybe…MAYBE they’d even see the value in helping her afford to study music at a university..! And shit, she’d finally be able to contribute to paying rent and utilities without breaking a sweat about it…she might even have gained an expendable income, she could finally start repaying Raf for all those little gifts and surprises he’d treat her with. Imagine.

Even before she had attempted to approach Raf about the email, she already had the picture of their life making music together as they have been–but with a more tangible goal/purpose, and without any outside obligations taking them away from just waking up and jamming every day. Playing music that just…paid for itself. Stress free!

But Raf couldn’t even entertain it. He was so upset that she’d even bring it up at all. Did he even read the email? Or did he see just the subject line and shut down?

She elected to read the email again, an effort to soothe herself by finding any reason to believe it was just a scam; that all her excitement and fanciful thoughts of the future were just her getting childishly ahead of herself. She didn't find what she was looking for. The name of the scouting agent was legit, there was no mention of money nor a fee, the email was clear, straightforward, and without any hype-y language. But what Magritte did notice–that she had somehow missed the previous fifty times she had read the email–was that the email didn’t refer Raf by his ‘Albatross’ pseudonym. It had named him in full; Rafael Ephrem. Somehow, -somehow-, the person who sent the email had been able to identify him. And–if they knew who he was… Magritte considered…The inquiry was sent to her email but the offer, specifically, was likely much more interested in him. It made sense. Magritte herself was untrained and unproven; a literal nobody. But, she was the only person Raf was making music with, and his name was very provenly bankable; a safe bet. Magritte had been so flattered and excited by the notion that she was being noticed and contacted by a label, it had been such an uplifting validation–but… The simple fact was that they likely would not have given Magritte the time of day had they not, somehow, recognized Rafael’s involvement in her work.

The offer was about him, not her. She was simply easier to get in touch with.

When she considered the situation from that angle, other aspects became apparent. Raf had, in no uncertain terms, been very clear from the beginning that he would not be signing anything with her. She knew that he was recovering from burnout, that he was wholly disinterested in pursuing music in any kind of professional capacity. Even if he had gone along with indulging Magritte’s excitement for her sake, would he have been sacrificing  the joy of making music with her, and surrendering himself to the labor of it, instead? Would it have slowly soured their relationship? If he felt obliged and pressured to create and play, would that have leached the joy out of it?

By ignoring the inquiry, Magritte wasn’t actually losing anything, herself. There was much to gain, potentially, by pursuing it–but she lost nothing in ignoring it. Things were already really good. She liked the relationship she had with Raf, as it was. He had given her a place to stay, and encouraged her near single-minded focus on music, allowed her to compose and play music as much as she wanted without pressuring her to divide her focus on other, more ‘important’ things. He didn’t take offence or feel ignored when she’d spend an entire weekend in her room just doin’ music stuff. He’d never even startle her out of the productive flow by shouting her name from the kitchen, in annoyance, to tell her for the upteenth time that she needed to clean the dishes right now. He let her pursue her joy and, often, he’d delight in joining in on it as well. This was the happiest, most comfortable she had ever felt in her life. In her mind, signing onto a label would have just let her continue doing that, but more securely.

For Raf, though…signing onto a label, being forced to take the work ‘seriously’, it likely felt like a tremendous loss to him. And–she had put him in an unfair position. If he signed on, he’d be surrendering himself to the work he did not wish to do, and would be inching ever closer to the life he had worked so hard to escape and recover from. But–by defending his own desires, comforts, and boundaries, and shutting down this whole label thing without giving it any space to sink roots as a tree of possibility, he risked planting the seeds of resentment into their relationship by denying her a potentially life-changing opportunity that he, no doubt, knew was of tremendous significance to her. From his perspective, it must have looked like a lose-lose situation. A situation that he had foreseen and took fair measures to avoid long, long in advance. He had already told her from the very beginning that this was something he would not do. But she had to test it anyway. Because she got too excited. Because of course she did.

Nah, she decided. She’d just get back home, tell Raf she was suffering excite-brained tunnel vision, wasn’t thinking realistically, and that she had therefore agreed with him that they’re much better off to just keep doing what they’ve already been doing–because that’s been working out just fine and she’d rather not introduce anything that could ruin it for them. She shouldn’t have brought it up. Even just the fact that she felt she needed to ease him into the conversation as softly as possible–by asking about the legitimacy of the email instead of diving into the meat of the matter–should have been enough to tell her that she was pushing it. She had known she was–but she bulldozed ahead with her excitement, anyways. And it had upset him. Hopefully not too much, since she felt she had taken some care with her approach, but yanno. He was clearly upset–and after going through such clear, careful measures to avoid this kinda thing, he kinda had a right to be. She needed to apologise.

By the time she got home, Raf had already put himself to bed–which worried Magritte somewhat. She never liked going to sleep without closure. But, she resolved to tell him her conclusions in the morning and hoped for an otherwise normal day.

And so, when the morning rolled around and she found Raf making coffee in the kitchen, she began with a “good morning”, an apology for not getting back home before he fell asleep, and then she simply unloaded the entire content of her thoughts and conclusions from the previous evening. She felt proud of herself for being able to reassess things with as much fairness and objectivity as she could manage, and she was confident in her choice to completely ignore the whole ‘email inquiry’ thing. More than that, she was beyond apologetic for even asking him to consider it, admitting to him that she realised it kinda put him between a rock and a hard place. She then suggested it’d be best just to assume the email was a scam anyways, “is that ok?”

Raf, who listened to her whole spiel without a single interruption, watched her for a silent moment with half-lidded disinterest (or was he just tired?) before replying with a flat, “mmhm.” 

“Okay.” Magritte had been hoping for some assurance that her reasoning, her apology, and her resolution were…yanno…adequate or somthing. But, as Raf sipped his coffee with an unconversational, chilly demeanour, Magritte wasn’t feeling assured by any measure. And so, to find an emotional baseline, Magritte offered a mousey, but genuine little “I love you.” To which Raf replied with a slight twitch of a smirk and an avoiding gaze, “Yeah, I’ll bet you do.”

Immediately, Magritte felt as though she had been tossed whole-bodily off a cliff, and didn’t pursue the conversation further. Shut right up, and spent the rest of the morning very quiet and withdrawn. Too uncomfortable and ashamed to take up space in Raf’s apartment for very long, she headed out to find a quiet, isolated park bench or something to cry on lmao, ‘cuz whuff.

Raf, who had fully expected that his snipey reply would coerce Magritte to trade out the ‘timid sad mouse’ act for something a lot more angry and defensive, was largely unsure of what to do with a Magritte–that instead–seemed to have completely shut down. Before she left, while maintaining his defensive coldness, Raf bothered to measure her vitriol by way of asking Magritte if she needed a ride anywhere. As delicately and sweetly as she could–Magritte declined, telling him it was ok, not to worry about it. And that was really the only additional dialogue they had together that morning. She should have been mad at him. She went through all the trouble of explaining things, apologising, and capitulating to him–and he deliberately stonewalled her in an attempt to get her to unmask. He had called out her bluff; she wanted something from him, he refused to give it to her, she attempted to take the higher ground, putting him in the position where the kindly, good response would have been to capitulate in kind–at least by confirming that the email wasn’t a scam after all, and reopening that dialogue for a more ‘level-headed’ conversation. But he identified the manoeuvre and deliberately shut it down. And then–out of pure spite–he refused to provide her the simple reassurance that a half hearted ‘I love you, too’ might have provided. Because he had spent the entire night and the whole morning fretting, and questioning, and dreading everything–and being the source of it, she deserved to feel it, too. But then her response had been to … ???? ????????? She left, but she didn’t take anything with her, she didn’t pack her belongings or make a show of wanting to move out, none of that kind of thing. She didn’t tell him he was being unreasonable or unfair, or that he needed to think things over. She just sorta–disintegrated in front of him. Just completely wilted. Wtf did that even mean??? Was she trying to guilt him? What else was she going to do? Likely, she intended on just avoiding him until he was ready to apologise or something. Like–if he phoned her right now, she wouldn’t answer. Right? To test his “punishment by avoidance” theory, he called her number–only to hear her answer on the second ring. And–after he hesitated for a moment too long, she asked if he was okay–if there was anything she could get him while she was out. Not having planned to actually say anything, Raf grasped for something believable to ask, landing on “Do you have your keys with you? I’m going to be at my uncle’s so the door will be locked.” To which Magritte assured him that yes she’s got keys, no worries. Say hi to uncle Bill for her.

This kinda sent Raf’s thoughts scattering. She was upset, she was -clearly- upset, he gave her reason to be upset and then he gave her more reasons to be upset. She had spent the whole morning looking downright miserable. She WAS upset, but she wasn’t…putting him through it. She wasn’t punishing him or reasoning with him or trying to position him. She wasn’t worried about him talking to his uncle, which means she hadn’t gone to him herself to get him on her side of this whole thing. What the fuck did she have on him? If she–worse case scenario–decided to get back at him by getting in contact with his mother, then she’d have to–

“Oh. I’m being crazy.” It was almost like a record skip. Any time ‘his mother’ popped up as part of a ‘logical course of action’ in what ever the fuck he was freaking out about, it served as a blaring alarm signaling that he had left grounded reality behind. No matter how much fucking sense it made to him, or no matter how careful his thoughts were in framing it as ‘unlikely’ or ‘worst case scenario’, any, ANY consideration of ‘his mother’ as a thing that could happen to him was a signpost that he had left the realm of reasonability. He made it a deliberate rule that the moment she popped up in his brain, he needed to assume he was thinking irrationally–until he could get a second opinion (and maybe a third, if he didn’t like the second). At least in this way, ‘his mother’ served as a helpful guiding figure in his life. Christ. Alright, alright. At what point did he fall off the rails, though? Magritte DID come to him about a…fucking A&R inquiry of all things. That was real, that happened. She got upset that he wouldn’t entertain it. That was also real, that also happened. How was he supposed to take that? She knew, she knew–it was something he would not do. He had told her, he had told her more than once–he was so clear about it. The rest made no sense to him, if his assumptions from that point forward were in fact…ungrounded.

And so, while he hadn’t actually planned to visit his uncle that day, Raf showed up at his door anyway. Sat down with him, and walked him through the events; the actual, physically observable things that happened, and the things that were said out loud. And Uncle Bill kinda made the “yikes” face, because…yikes.

So, uncle Bill attempted to recount from his perspective; Magritte pushed a boundary, no question. But–the assumption regarding why she did that needed to be challenged. Was it something she had been actively planning for and waiting on? Did she manipulate Raf into feeling safe enough to shed his boundaries? Did she use Raf as bait to reel in offers and interests she wouldn’t have been able to get otherwise? Well…What do we know about Magritte? We know that she’s excitable, impulsive, she projects and assumes the best case scenarios and constantly counts her chickens before they hatch. She can’t keep a secret to save her life. She wears her emotions on her sleeve, which makes her a terrible liar... Bill recites that, according to Raf, Magritte cited  excitement, impulsiveness, and the thought of being able to make more music with the added benefit of financial security as her reason for bringing the email to  him in the first place. She liked the idea of being able to help pay his rent, she wanted money to buy him gifts the same way he had bought gifts for her. Bill suggested that, if they were to read her motivations in a manner consistent with what they know and have seen about Magritte as a person, the future she was projecting on this inquiry email didn’t exclude him as a beneficiary, he was very much included in her happy little fantasy as someone she wanted to share the experience with. Magritte’s excitement had given her this same kind of tunnel vision before, preventing her from seeing other perspectives or outcomes of a captivating situation. And–they’ve seen that go both ways for her. It’s worked out before, but more often, it really doesn’t, and the fallout usually hurts her more than it hurts anyone else.

So–what’s more possible? That Raf has now found himself in the splash zone of this kind of…hypomanic/giddy impulsive behaviour they’ve seen from Magritte a few times already? Or is Magritte finally showing a more selfishly machiavellian side of herself that she was so good at hiding, it was barely comprehensible? “Okay, but…” Raf asks if his uncle had any explanation for why Magritte, despite being obviously upset, was putting an effort to act as though he wasn’t the reason for it? To which Bill was like, “well, have you asked her?” before, maybe a bit foolishly, offering up his best guess of “She already told you she knew she was in the wrong. She apologised. You didn’t accept her apology. My guess? She’s just gonna do what you want her to do. Stop making music with you? End the relationship? Get her to move out? I don’t recommend testing it unless it’s what you actually want.” Bill offered his honest opinion to Raf, that Magritte’s a good one. A very good one. And Raf needs to talk to her–about all of this. They’re both good kids, they’ll figure it out.

When Raf returned home, the door was unlocked and Magritte’s shoes were on the boot rack. He didn’t see her in the kitchen nor the living room, and so knocked on her bedroom door, asking her to sit with him on the couch when she had a moment to do so.

He had barely sat down before he heard the door to Magritte’s room creak open. Soon after, she sat curled into herself on the opposite end of the couch from him, eyes and nose peeking out from behind her knees. Small.

There was a moment of silence between them before Raf asked, “Honestly, now; are you pissed off at me?”

Magritte answered, “No, but you are, at me.”

 He elected to make no platitudes about it, “I was. I’m trying not to be. What are you expecting me to say?” To which Magritte replied, muffled into her knees, “I don’t know…don’t make me answer that. I don’t know.”

And so Raf asks instead, “What are you hoping for?”

“I don’t know, I love you. You don’t even gotta love me back but I wanna play music with you and I want us to keep having fun together and I want to delete the whole past twenty-four hours from my brain. That’s all.” And, while Raf paused to weigh that in his mind, Magritte hesitantly added, “I think there’s something wrong with me.” “With you?” Raf was taken a bit aback by this.

Magritte continued, “How does anyone get so excited and eager about something that it ruins everything? It didn’t even exist, it wasn’t real, there was no deal. They could have come back with an offer that was like ‘we want all ur music for zero monies’, ‘we want full, exclusive rights to your name, likeness, and social security number’, ‘we will provide you a $2 advance in exchange for your first born child’. Like–it could have been total garbage–I don’t know, it didn’t exist. But in my mind, it did exist, it was gonna be great, and–we were gonna be able to make so much music together, just like we are already, but without any of the stress. That wasn’t real, either. There’d have been so much more stress.” As she sunk further into herself, she concluded, “This is real. This sucks. I put us here.”

At this, Raf couldn’t help but let a genuine laugh escape through his nose as a little snort. “Actually…This isn’t so bad.” It wasn’t meant to be an insensitive snort, the irony had simply struck him. While Magritte had been carried away by dream situations, Raf had been consumed by nightmare scenarios. For him, the reality of sitting on the couch with Magritte, trying to come to grips with the fact that she hadn’t been trying to manipulate him like a tool, that she had been operating on the pure puppy-like head-empty jovial excitement that he was usually so fond and protective of–was a huge upgrade from the situation he had been imagining in his head. For Magritte, sitting on the couch with him, trying to come to grips with the fact that she may have negatively impacted a relationship and living situation that she had enjoyed dearly–was most certainly a gut-wrenching downgrade from the rosy “make music, get money, laugh and play” dream she had been imagining in her head. Raf had to be honest with her; he was still entirely firm on his stance of no contracts, no labels…and now–probably no live shows nor online media posts featuring him in any capacity. At least, not for a while. It would be too much of a raw nerve for him, and not something he wanted to stress over. They could still jam, and record–for themselves, privately. And sincerely, this was all it took for Magritte to uncurl her knees from under her chin, and perk up with hopeful gratitude. That she didn’t look as though she were being punished by Raf’s backsliding into old restrictions, and instead appeared genuinely surprised and happy that they could still just make music together–convinced Raf that Uncle Bill’s assessment had been, as usual, spot on. Magritte was a good one. A very good one.

 He couldn’t stop himself from asking though, “If I said no more music, full stop–?” “Could I still play music?” “Well–yeah.”

“Would you let me make you listen to it??”

“I like your music, Magritte–”

Her big, happy grin said plenty, before it dissolved into big, blobby tears and wet sniffles. 

She admitted that she was so scared he was gonna tell her the whole thing was over, but he didn’t and she’s so relieved, and she loves him so much and she’s so sorry.

Struck a bit numb by the notion that ‘ah, I’ve been a complete asshole’, Raf pulled her into a big ol’ hug, buried his face into her hair, and apologised in kind for his deliberate callousness in the morning–and more than that, for allowing his fear and suspicion convince him in the first place that she was something she wasn’t. It wasn’t right of him, it wasn’t fair to her, and this whole situation could have been resolved over breakfast if he had just…believed what she was saying at face value. Or at least he could have tried not to be a dick about it until he talked it over with his uncle. He couldn’t promise that he’d never fuck up like this again, just like she couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t get carried away either–but he promised to always return her statements of affection, especially in moments when he’s mired in panic and suspicion… to serve as a reminder to himself as much as to reassure her.

Because, in truth–though he’d never saddle her with the knowledge of this–she’s the closest he’s ever felt (outside of guilt-motivated blood relatives) to believing that someone could afford him genuinely unconditional love. A great deal of his fear is rooted in the understanding that–if she was proven to be playing him, there was absolutely no hope–zero chance that he’d ever be able to convince himself that he could just be–loved like a normal human being.And that’s not a state of mind he thinks he could confidently survive. For Magritte’s part, any music or career-related thing that requires his involvement–she just doesn’t entertain unless he’s the one bringing it to her. Raf has never stopped her from pursuing music in a professional capacity where it didn’t involve him–in fact, he has always been extremely eager and supportive from the side-lines. She is literally, without any question, his favourite musical artist. Most of her equipment these days is bought and paid for by him, any opportunity he can find for her, he brings to her–and he is only able to comfortably, confidently do so because she never asks or expects it of him.

 Her favorite music is the music she makes with him, and eventually…eventually…they do end up performing shows together again (along with Cortes). But their music is theirs first and foremost. For themselves, before anything else. And it is a gift more precious to her than anything.

[kiwiana-writes]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks @indestructibleheart @junebugclaremontdiaz @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @getmehighonmagic and @onthewaytosomewhere for the tags! Hitting post on this earlier than usual because I feel like death warmed over—I'm posting this and going to bed... at 9pm on Valentine's Day. Follow me for more sexy action stories.

I feel like this snuck up on me this week... I was so focused on finishing and posting sex club spanking that I stopped paying attention to the passage of time. It's a scam anyway, so.

Today's snippet is the opener to chapter three of the Big Secret Collab, because the amount of the Anastasia AU I've shared is getting a bit ridiculous lmao.

Alex is dimly aware that he’s having a panic attack.  It’s not an unfamiliar feeling. He averaged one a semester in law school, not to mention the whole ‘forcefully outed on a global stage’ incident. He has a number of grounding techniques taught to him by an excellent therapist, and Cash’s hand between his shoulder blades, pressing so hard it’s just the right side of painful and giving him a physical sensation to focus on that isn’t his racing heart or sweating palms. He has a boyfriend who— A boyfriend who— “Breathe, Alex.” The hand that isn’t on his back reaches out and Alex grips it, fighting through every breath. He’s pretty sure his nails are digging into Cash’s skin, but Cash doesn’t flinch; he just sits there, solid and dependable and calm, and waits for Alex to come back to himself.

Tagging @affectionatelyrs @anchoredarchangel @anincompletelist @celaestis1 @celeritas2997 @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @cultofsappho @daisymae-12 @dumbpeachjuice @everwitch-magiks @firenati0n @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @indomitable-love @inexplicablymine @leaves-of-laurelin @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @magicandarchery @matherines @myheartalivewrites @ninzied @nocoastposts @notspecialbabe @orchidscript @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @ships-to-sail @smc-27 @sparklepocalypse @ssmtskw @stereopticons @three-drink-amy @tintagel-or-cockleshells @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! (If you take the open tag please tag me so I can see!!)

[sparkyscissorhands]

not rlly headcanons cause its my own damn sona lol but,, fun facts about it that i’ve been typing out the last couple of days. because i wanna share more about my sonas/inserts ���

church is its own seperate character that has lore wayyy too detached from the movie source here LMAO but in selfship land church is a cringe fail loser like MEEE lalalala under read more cause there’s a lot

Church’s idea of a good first date was taking Edward to see Snakes on a Plane, and he fucking hated it

Its dream date is going to the Rainforest Cafe (Edward said no)

It’s obsessed with Shark Tank. It’s so obsessed that it comes up with its own pitches and will give them to whoever will listen to it, which happens to only be Edward. He has heard pitches for products such as my fitness enemy, rollercoaster insurance (it’s just a scam), and vitamin ketchup

Church’s favorite band of all time is FOB! Obviously. It also enjoys Cobra Starship, Panic! At The Disco, The Academy Is…, Three Days Grace, Midtown, BOYS LIKE GIRLS, blink-182, and more

Eventually, as the 2010s roll in, it gets more into scene music, starting with 3OH!3 and Hollywood Undead. Brokencyde and Breathe Coralina are big ones too

After getting a little too comfortable, it puts cut out photos of the members up on the walls. It has a shrine dedicated to Patrick Stump. Every time Edward wakes up, in the dark corner of the room, there’s just a shrine of Patrick Stump staring right back at him

It has a white and light blue budgie named Crystal Meth. It will only refer to her as her full name

Church gets offended and enraged if it gets called a string puppet or such things. It’s adamant that it’s a ROD puppet

It’s currently stuck in Florida, but it originates from Kentucky. It gets made fun of a lot for that

It loves birds a lot. It knows more about birds than you do, and it will tell you that

It has a very low pain tolerance. Church freaks out in any scenario where it seems like its going to get hurt

It also knows way more about puppetry than you do. Because it’s an actual puppet

Church is freaked out by hand puppets. The hands should not go up there for a puppet. That’s so cruel…

It has a sister who is a priest because of course it does. She fucking hates it. It has tried to get over it, but Edward fucking hates her (the only individual he actively is a hater towards) if Church won’t

Got arrested in Georgia twice some years back

Church doesn’t have any ears. Instead, it has two holes on the sides of its head. Like a lizard, like Edward once (unknowingly) cruelly described. It’s not a lizard :(

It says phrases such as “hey everypuppet” and “you know what really pulls my strings” despite NOT even being a string puppet

Church knows some Latin. Enough to form full sentences and to carry a conversation in it for the most part. It also knows a minor bit of Khmer but not enough to carry a conversation. Its dad forgot to teach it that

It has a habit of picking at the rim of its eye sockets when it doesn’t know what to do with its hands. If it accidentally pokes too deep, it hurts REALLY bad

Its favorite movies include Puppet Master (first four), Snakes on a Plane, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Pinocchio’s Revenge, The 400 Blows, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Slugs, and Frankenhooker

It eats everything whole. Like a snake. It has choked on many things several times, and Edward has to help it spit it out sometimes like it’s some cat

[decepti-thots]

anode for the headcanon ask?

Headcanon A:  realistic

My personal headcanon is that Lug and Anode didn't start a romantic relationship until after Anode left Caminus and told Lug she was the reason why she had left. Obviously we know they travelled extensively together before then, Anode left Lug to train as a blacksmith, then left after the protoform incident and lied to Lug about why she'd returned. I think Anode meant to just continue their friendship, halfway through her big explanation of why she had come back realized that she did in fact have romantic feelings for Lug, and spontaneously confessed to them then and there as a result. Which is one reason she feels so guilty over the original lie; the fact she told Lug she wanted to be conjunx as part of it, however unplanned and genuine and real it actually was, has eaten away at her for a very long time.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Before leaving Cybertron I like to think Anode was a moderately succesful con artist and there is at least one person on the LL who, if they recognized her post re-frame, would be really fucking pissed off at her for something she pulled on them, lmao. I say unrealistic because I'm fairly sure the vibe re: her being a criminal is that it's something that started, adventurer-style, after she left Cybertron and started bouncing around the galaxy. But like. She could have been. And it's very funny to think that idk she scammed Mirage out of a ton of shanix back in the day but by the grace of Primus and her transitioning since then, he simply does not recognise her.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Anode really never quite gets over the fact she gets sudden bouts of fear when she's doing anything relating to blacksmithing sometimes. She's able to manage it, but random moments of anxiety when doing her work never really stop happening. She still loves what she does when she goes back to it, but it's very stressful even so as a result, sometimes.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

I have a completely unjustifiable but unshakeable belief that since their post-canon jobs seem to largely align (Anode as blacksmith, Minimus as apparently dealing in some part with the newsparks on Luna-1), they strike up a. Weirdly amiable workplace not-quite-friendship. It's one of those by-circumstance social connections where if you didn't happen to work for the same place you'd never have talked, but you do and you wound up spending enough time together by forced proximity (e.g. the Lost Light and then Luna-1) that now you're just accidentally sometimes friends, kind of. (Minimus has to try really hard to force down the knowledge Anode has done So So So Many Crimes Oh God Don't Think About It.)

[loudn-mcyt]

SBK Finale Liveblogging: SadMilkman

Spoilers below the cut:

Milkman is so nonchalant I love it

Ooh is that void cathedral in the background? 

WIZARD MILKMAN 

OK now I want to go back and look at all the predictions to see if they actually came true or if that's just milkman being Milkman 

THE ORB ACTUALLY HELPED??? IT WORKS??? Who is behind the orb's voice

Chaos vs balance...this is so interesting...the world is out of balance because of the skyblockers? Hmmm

The shot of Birch kingdom buried under the falling blocks is so cool

What's that? IT'S OSSHA WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

Fool backing away and making a disgusted noise when Milkman said they needed to do their jobs lmao

Even in the end of the world birch boys cannot resist a good scam 

Trying to fly away to space to escape the apocalypse...hello again moon big arc I missed you 

I have a feeling this is not going to work

Ooh the cathedral is Avid AND Marmalade's work? Interesting...

Vintage is there but not Ruby...Sakura spouses divorce hurts me...

I love how the void is still so sketchy. Like sure it helps Marm but it's genuinely SO evil-adjacent it's constantly hungry 

Using wind charges to sacrifice to the upvoid is so funny 

Milkman stealing from the sacrifices. Never change milkman 

RUBY!!!!! THEYRE HERE!!!! 

RUBY looking at vintage and slowly looking around...he keeps looking at her im...

Trog and Tube are both there I love it

"It's almost like the world is starting to fill in" OH?????

The sad birchland theme and the tour I'm actually going to cry this isn't fair 

THE FLASHBACKS THATS NOT FAIR 

The blocks starting to land on stuff uh oh 

"We gotta go into the void or something" birch boys limbo au when 

Fool how did you get that many cheese wheels what 

HE ONLY HAS ONE ELYTRA NOOOOO 

HE GAVE FOOL THE WINGS INSTEAD OF USING THEM HIMSELF NO NO NO 

THEYRE BOTH TRYING TO SAVRIFICE THEMSELVES THATS NOT OK 

Milkman was always loyal to Fool...but Golden never got to see it...

He left Fool behind...

The portal...but where does it go? 

Ooh the falling blocks datapack was made by Trog Leon and Josh that's so cool!!

[bucksaiga]

Stupid shit happening in my Big Brother First Responders AU thanks to the votes lmao

Firstly, there's a tie for nominations if someone wants to do something about that, you can here

✦ Athena won the first HOH competition (she's a rockstar and a sharp shooter, ofc she did) which means Bobby is safe this week (hopefully)

✦ Eddie claims he "threw the competition" (sure, with the least points, Edmundo. But go off.)

✦ Buck is trying to people please and "are you mad at me?" himself through this game (it's...working?)

✦ Sort of working? Tommy is worried about Buck's emotions getting in the way of the game.

✦ Maddie and Chimney are in Madney Land just floating by for now.

✦ Ravi is recruiting people for his "Buck Downfall" plot

✦ Hen is in 3 alliances and totally lying about it.

✦ Albert scammed his way to immunity with Buck, Tommy and Athena. Athena is not having it.

✦ Josh knows all the houseguests secrets because he's been eavesdropping.

✦ May and Tommy are in a secret alliance (who knows what they've got under their sleeves)

[sencrose]

binged squid game s2 all day so here are some thoughts (spoilers ahead)

overall a lot better than i was expecting for a season 2. esp bc i feel like s1 ended at a fine point and there was no need for a second season. this was still fun though

obligatory holy shit gong yoo deepthroating the gun uhhhhhhhhh HELLO!!!!!!!!!! it’s so funny seeing him in this role being so insane bc the first thing i think of when i see his name is goblin LMFAO

i was betting on either geumja or yongsik dying in the carousel game like. i was so fucking stressed especially when they got separated. having the two of them in the game actually is so bad for my heart lmfao. idk how next season is gonna pan out but if either of them die before the other i will sob my eyes out for sure

on the above point, i definitely thought they were going to make the last number one instead of two to really cull the numbers but i guess they don’t wanna be that depressing (yet)

definitely gasped when mf crypto bro scammer pushed youngmi out of the room and she died. i actually cannot stand him LMAO. not only that but he gets a girl pregnant, ghosts her, scams her, and tries to weasel his way back into her life for her money? yeah die. when junhee told him to fuck off me and my bf were cheering her on lmao

공기 LETS FUCKING GO!!!! i was struggling so hard to try and explain it to my bf before realizing it’s just jacks with extra steps lmfao. i played it a lot growing up so it was cool to see 8) didn’t know about the stereotype of it being a “women’s game” though LOL

ngl. top’s character was so cringe (i also think he’s a little too old to be playing what feels like a zoomer coded character) but i did giggle when he said “fucking 시발롬아 bitch” like bro. you are sooooooo not serious about anything. (also noticed him doing the bang bang bang choreo on the carousel lmao nice easter egg)

boat captain park being in on it made me so sad but like… it makes sense, esp. with the booby traps and how he just happened to be the one to find junho’s unconscious body

i don’t think 246 (amusement park sketch artist) is dead, i’m assuming he got a non-lethal shot by noeul bc she didn’t want anyone else to kill him/felt guilty

honestly surprised the frontman let the uprising get so far but hey i guess it means he got an easy excuse to be “killed off” until the big reveal mayhaps? anyways gihun you’ve gotta stop trusting player 001s

hyunju has death flags all over her and i hope they give her a proper death and nothing off screen bc i will riot. rlly loved seeing her take charge during the revolt but damn she really should’ve went for the magazines instead of daeho. like. i was cringing when he said he was gonna go for it bc i could not see it going well

[starfxkrinc]

in the felon!jj universe are johnb and pope in prison with him or like waiting for him to get out? also were him and kie ever together like before he went to prison

in this they’re all the terrible ppl they were #meant to be but jj just gets caught up the most lmao popes lowkey a crashout he’s just smarter than them he be stealin and scamming the fuck outta ppl and john b needs to make sure they have clean money….so if i go in order of whos in jail most to least its jj, pope, john b tbh. jj and pope have fucked up many people.

he wasnt with kie but they have a vitriolic friendship methinks. shes still always on her high horse but jjs very smug to point out shes always bailing them out and doing illegal shit with them she just goes home to her big fancy house.

[leianaberrie]

damon being the last villain is better then the false legend they tried claiming katherine to be at the end I still lmao at the claim katherine is some bad bi#ch I'm honestly convinced the Squirrel Elena tried eating was a badder bi#ch then katherine lol why did they have thee Malachi parker say stupid sh#t like that

Even at her worst, Katherine's biggest priorities were surviving Klaus and messing with her ex and his new girlfriend so the show trying to spin her as this puppet-master-mind was ridiculous.

Also one thing I find interesting about Katherine is how much she's presented as this femme fatale who wraps men around her finger, and Katherine obviously hypes up this reputation and wants people to think she is. But that's not really supported by the narrative:

Nadia's baby daddy: arguably, Katherine's first love and the only thing we know about him is that he wasn't there when she went through labour and had her baby ripped out of her arms.

Klaus: Katherine's second crush and the second man in her life to fake being in love with her so he could user her.

Trevor: The first man that Katherine managed to "use" but this was only after he found her for Klaus and was willing to let her die. From what we see, it's not even clear if Katherine manipulated him or he just had a crisis of conscience.

Elijah: Arguably, the first man to love Katherine without first having an agenda but he didn't love her enough to stop his brother from killing her. He just came up with a plan that he hoped would bring her back to life. Then the second time they date, Katherine's cocky to Rebekah and Elena but who ends up dumping whom? Katherine begs Elijah to run away with her, but he decides to play house with Klaus's baby mother instead.

Damon: So far the only man that Katherine manages to manipulate without first using vampire compulsion. But considering how weird Damon is about his brother's girlfriends and close female friends, I wonder how much of it was Katherine and how much was Damon just wanting what Stefan had. Also considering how quickly Damon got over Katherine once Elena - Stefan's new girlfriend - was in the picture, I wonder how much of it was Katherine at all.

Stefan: Most, if not all of Katherine manipulating Stefan was Katherine using vampire compulsion to rape him make him OK with sleeping with her and Damon at the same time. So this wasn't about Katherine being a femme fatale but her using a superpower than every vampire had.

Mason: The second man that Katherine clearly manipulated. Although again this was less about her using her beauty and charm and more about her straight up scamming him like a con-artist when she pretended to be his friend so she could instigate him to triggering his wolf curse. Mason also hid the moonstone in a well of vervain so he didn't completely trust her either.

Not counting Cade because that's obviously the show pushing that narrative but notice how only 2 people claim that Cade was Katherine's puppet. Kai - who's trying to mess with Bonnie at the time and Katherine - who of course wants to believe that she was the one using him and not the other way around. Cade himself never mentions her and everything he's trying to do is for himself. To free himself out of Hell and to get more powerful. At best, I would say he and Katherine might have a mutual alliance but considering her track record, it's far more likely that this was another man who was using her.

So yeah, Katherine as the Ultimate Big Bad never made sense. Damon was the one whose brand of evil crossed from pragmatism to petty cruelty.