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septicstories · 4 years ago

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A/N: For some unfathomable reason, I get some fantasy BNHA vibe from the song, Ophelia by the Lumineers. not even the lyrics. Like, the instrumental. It also, for some reason, gives me such an intense feeling of nostalgia that it sort of makes me want to cry? And I don’t know why? Actually wait. Seeing that this song is from the same guys who performed “Ho Hey” that makes a bunch of sense. Okay, anyways, I’m just gonna write a Kiribaku fantasy thing. Just some fluff, nothing super major.

I, I, when I was younger

“Kacchan! Quit running off! Your mother is bound to be worried sick!”

“Shut up, Deku! I’m gonna be fucking fine! C’mon!”

“Kacchan!”

The two young boys ran through the forests. Katsuki had recently turned twelve, given his first sword. Nothing fancy, just a small cutlass. In a week, he’d get his very first tattoo. But only if he collected an animal’s blood.

Easiest way to do that?

Kill it and bring it back to his village.

I, I, should have known better

“Uh, Kacchan? Do you see that?” the younger green haired boy asked.

Katsuki glanced in the direction, seeing that there was a pair of bright red wings popping out of the bushes.

“Is that a dragon?” the green haired boy whispered.

“No one’s ever had dragon blood for their tattoo before!” Katsuki whispered back with a feral grin.

The grin was odd and misshapen, something he didn’t do often. It hadn’t quite grown on the ash blond yet.

“Oi! Dragon! Show yourself!”

Katsuki took his cutlass, slicing through the bush. As the leaves and branches from the bush fell, the front of the dragon was revealed.

And I can't feel no remorse

A black haired boy looked up at him with big red eyes. A pair of horns protruded from his forehead, their base a bright red. A tail stuck out of the other side of the bush, also bright red.

“Sorry! No hurt, please,”

Katsuki dropped his cutlass to the ground.

A dragon shifter.

They were a rare species, only two thousand known in the world throughout time.

“Are you hurt?” the green haired boy popped up beside Katsuki.

“Uh... wings. Stuck. Help?”

“Come with me afterward,” Katsuki said firmly.

“Huh?! Kacchan?! What are you doing?”

“Shut the fuck up, Deku,”

The boys freed the dragon shifter before Katsuki led him back to his parent’s castle.

“Oi, hag! Bring us a medic!” Katsuki yelled into the castle, kicking a door open.

“For fuck’s sake, Katsuki! Did you hurt Izuku aga--”

Queen Mitsuki entered the room, ready to whoop her son’s ass, only to find her son and the boy she called her nephew in perfect health. A third boy with dragon wings, scales, and horns, however, was not.

“Oh. Uhm... hello,” she said calmly.

The dragon boy gave a bow as Mitsuki called for a few medics.

And you don't feel nothing back

“Kacchan, it’s so weird for you to help someone like that. What about your tattoo?”

“Dumbass. Don’t you know that dragon shifters are a rare species? If I fucking killed one, I’d die, for sure. I’d be hunted down. And it felt... different. Like I couldn’t kill them, even if they weren’t a dragon shifter. I... they feel different,”

Katsuki sat outside of the infirmary where the dragon boy stayed.

Behind the door, the shifter had sat, listening. That was something he was good at. Listening. He didn’t know what most of it meant. He didn’t speak their language. Hell, he rarely spoke.

But hearing what the ash blond boy had to say made him feel weird. His tail thumped against the cot he sat on, a happy chirp leaving his mouth.

When Katsuki came back to see the dragon shifter, he was pounced on, happy chirping noises escaping his mouth.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Master! Teach fight!”

“What?! Master?”

“You save me. I stay until I save,”

Katsuki sat there, baffled. A dragon shifter wants to be his? And a cute one at that?

“So, you wanna know how to fight, huh?”

I, I, got a new girlfriend

“No fucking way, really?” Katsuki was snapped from his memories by Sero gawking at the drunken purple haired bard.

“Mhm! She’s super duper pretty,” she slurred happily. “She’s a princess!”

“Congrats!” Mina, the pink haired barkeep said with a smile.

“Oh, it’s Princess Yaoyorozu, right?” Tenya asked, sipping lightly from his glass of wine.

“Mhm! Momo is so great,” Jirou beamed.

Katsuki rolled his eyes, scoffing at Jirou’s words.

She feels like he's on top

The dragon prince-- no, king-- had changed greatly since he met the dragon shifter, Eijirou.

Katsuki’s original kingdom was attacked, his family and his people killed. It was bloody and traumatizing. He actually needed saving from Eijirou.

But he never left.

And I don't feel no remorse

“Oh! Katsuki!” Eijirou tugged on the king’s cape. “Look! Miss Frog brought her wife!”

He looked behind the bar to see Ochaco and Tsuyu, smiling sweetly at each other.

“Get a room!”

Denki and Sero laughed beside Katsuki before Ochaco flipped him off.

And you can't see past my blinders

“Ochaco, relax, kero,” Tsuyu mumbled.

“Yeah, Katsu’s just jealous that he can’t have what we have,” Ochaco said with a smile, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend’s nose.

“You want to be a lesbian?” Eijirou whispered to Katsuki, who choked on his brandy.

Eijirou frantically waved his hands. “Sorry! Hurt?”

Whenever Eijirou found himself flustered or speaking quickly, his speech would go back to the broken language he used when he was a child. It got his point across, it just wasn’t the most eloquent.

Oh, Ophelia

“I’m fine, shitty lizard,” he mumbled. “No, I don’t want to be a lesbian. I don’t like women. I would just want to date someone and... be happy with them, you know?”

“Oh! Dragons do that! We bite the neck of our mate, give our mate a mark!”

“What, some sort of binding mark?”

Eijirou nodded happily, a small chirp leaving his throat.

You've been on my mind girl since the flood

“Why hasn’t Ei gotten drunk?” Mina asked.

“Dragons don’t drink. Alcohol to them is like feeding chocolate to a dog,” Katsuki scoffed. “Figure you would’ve fucking known that since he’s declined your alcohol consistently for the past several years,”

“Mhm! Alcohol killed my family,” Eijirou said with a soft smile.

“Oh,” Denki murmured.

After the sudden dark turn, it was quiet. But only for a moment.

“Hi, Kacchan!”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, turning to the green haired boy, who had Prince Shouto walking behind him.

“Done fucking the prince yet? Or are you still his spite boyfriend?” Katsuki snarled.

“How dare y--” “Shou, it’s okay,”

“Ah? Having the lapdog shush the prince? Doesn’t that deserve some sort of punishment?”

The shit eating grin on Katsuki’s face grew as Izuku’s face flushed at the word.

“Don’t be rude,” Eijirou hissed, smacking Katsuki’s shoulder. “Sorry for Katsuki. He is drunk.”

Oh, Ophelia

“Ah, it’s alright, Eijirou!” Izuku said with a grin.

“The master disobeying his dragon? Doesn’t that deserve some sort of punishment?” Shouto asked, giving a smug ass grin.

Katsuki’s grip on his glass tightened, the glass making a creaking noise.

“Shou!”

“What does he mean by that? I did not do anything wrong, did I? Did I go against a human rule again?” Eijirou whispered.

“No, Prince Shouto’s just being an asshole,” Katsuki mumbled.

“Stop being mean!” Eijirou said before pouting a little. “You’re better than that,”

Katsuki felt his heart clench at his oddly adorable dragon servant.

Actually, was servant the word to use? He didn’t feel as though Eijirou was his servant or inferior to him. Much more like a friend.

One day, hopefully more.

Katsuki groaned, smacking his head with the heel of his palm. He needed to stop thinking like that. Eijirou would be a friend and nothing more.

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

So maybe Katsuki did end up falling in love with his dragon shifter friend. What did it matter?

He wasn’t going to act on his urges to kiss him, hold him, tell him he loved him- no! That’s preposterous!

From time to time, he wonders what his mother would think of him if she saw him now:

Sitting in a bar as a dragon king, making fun of the prince of another kingdom, sitting beside his dragon shifter friend who he also held high affection for.

He was fucked, wasn’t he?

“Why did you hit yourself? Was there an insect? I could have gotten it for you,” Eijirou asked.

“You are not eating a fucking insect off my head again,”

“It was one time!”

“One time too many!”

I, I, got a little paycheck

“Anyway, Katsuki, we didn’t come here to hear endless innuendos,” Shouto sighed, pulling out a silken sack.

It jingled happily as it was dropped in front of Katsuki.

“We came here for the--”

“Yeah yeah, you came here for the head of that beast. I know. Ei, you got the satchel?”

“Right here!” Eijirou said, holding the heavy satchel, dripping in black blood. “The head is in a bag inside of the satchel. So grab the bag inside. Do not wear white gloves, I suggest black as that is the color of their blood,”

“Thank you, Eijirou,” Izuku said, giving a quick bow as he replaced his white gloves for black ones.

Katsuki was handed the sack and he popped it open.

“Ei, coin toss,” he growled, taking a golden coin and flicking it behind me.

Coin toss is what they’ve done to see if the money is genuine. Katsuki toss a coin behind him, Eijirou nibbles on it for a second, and then he gives it back if it’s good. If it’s bad, he eats it.

If he eats even a single coin, he has Katsuki’s permission to beat the shit out of them.

You got big plans and you gotta move

“Must you do this every time?” Shouto asked

“What, you give us a shit coin?” Katsuki asked, flipping Eijirou the next coin.

“No’ ye’,” Eijirou said, catching the coin between his teeth. “All solid,”

“Good. And yes, we fucking do, asshole,” Katsuki scoffed. “You could scam us out, and we’d have to kill ya for it,”

“Be nishe, Katshuki!” Eijirou said before slipping the coin out of his mouth.

And I don't feel nothing at all

“Hey guys, we’re gonna go head toward the inn! Heard they had a bonfire going! We also need to drop off our horses,” Sero said with his signature grin.

“Yeah, yeah,” Katsuki scoffed.

After quickly checking the rest of the coins and making sure they were genuine, Katsuki closed the silken sack.

“Thanks,” he grumbled out.

“Sure thing, Kacchan! It was a pleasure to work with you!”

“Fuck off!”

And you can't feel nothing small

“Hey, Katsuki?”

“What is it?” Katsuki asked, turning to Eijirou.

“I want to show you a place,”

“Oh yeah?” Katsuki had a smirk cross his face. “Where to, Shitty Lizard?”

“Come with me!”

Eijirou and Katsuki left the bar, leaving a few gold coins with small dents in them on the counter.

Eijirou stood behind the building, removing his clothing as not to rip them before Katsuki placed them in the satchel.

A few moments later, the redheaded hybrid became a full dragon, and the two tore up into the sky at vicious speeds.

But once they were over the clouds, Eijirou slowed to a glide.

“Nice job on speed. Doing better,”

A deep rumbling chirp came from Eijirou as they continued to soar above the clouds, Katsuki relaxing happily on Eijirou’s back.

Honey I love you, that's all she wrote

The duo began their descent, landing at the base of a mountain as Eijirou shifted back.

“So, what did you want to show me?” Katsuki asked, handing Eijirou his clothing.

“Top of the mountain,” Eijirou said, yanking on his clothes.

Katsuki blinked for a moment. “Then why the hell didn’t you fly us up there?”

“The path there is very pretty too,” Eijirou said, making Katsuki huff.

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s fucking go,”

Oh, Ophelia

The boys began their hike up the mountain. Nothing too rigorous, but still harder than a simple walk. Not like the two minded, though. They’ve grown used to things that take up far more energy than a hike.

“So, where exactly did you bring me?” Katsuki asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, we are climbing up a mountain. I cannot remember the name at the moment, so my apologies,” Eijirou chuckled, tugging at his scarf a tad.

“Fucking great. Any sort of civilization nearby?”

“Uhm... I believe there is a village that sits on the shore,”

You've been on my mind girl like a drug

Katsuki put a finger in his mouth, and after a moment, he pulled it out and held it to the sky.

The light breeze hit his wet finger tip, only a small part of it being cold.

“We in the East?”

After a moment, Eijirou nodded.

“Yes, yes!”

“And there’s a village by the water?”

Oh, Ophelia

“Yes, you will see it once we reach the top!” Eijirou chirped.

“So does the name Tuft Mountain ring any bells?”

“Oh, yes, yes!”

“And you wanted to show me the peak of Tuft?”

“Mhm!”

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

Katsuki knew what Eijirou was doing.

Anyone with half a damn brain cell knew what he was doing.

Oh, Ophelia

“YOU’RE FUCKING TAKING ME TO LOVER’S POND?!”

You've been on my mind girl since the flood

“Hush, hush! You’ll disturb the wildlife!” Eijirou said, thankful for the dark of the night that covered his flushed face.

The two reached the peak, and Katsuki’s eyes widened.

Oh, Ophelia

The pond was surrounded by gorgeous flowers and other wild grasses, waving in the breeze nonchalantly.

Fireflies dotted the sky, their little lights glowing up against the water’s surface.

The pond itself was an irregular heart shape, yet it was naturally formed.

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

Legend says that those who sit at one side of the pond will have their soulmate appear at the other side.

This could take minutes, hours, days, months, weeks, even years.

The pond is for those who are willing to wait for their soulmate.

Oh, Ophelia

Eijirou went and sat at one end of the pond, and waited.

Katsuki felt a tug.

You've been on my mind girl like a drug

As though he was being forced closer to the pond.

His head foggy and walk awkward, his body slowly made it’s way to the other side of the pond.

Oh, Ophelia

The two boys gawked at each other, vermilion and scarlet eyes locking, jaws dropping.

Katsuki knew what had just happened and knew what he’d done, but he hadn’t felt as though he was in control of himself.

A smile bloomed on Eijirou’s face.

He covered his mouth with his hands as tears clumped up in his lashes.

His tail thumped on the ground, wings beating, and sobbing chirps of joy escaping his mouth.

Katsuki felt his eyes water as well as he grinned.

Heaven help a fool who falls in love

A/N: Okay! Thank you so much for reading this! I sincerely hope you enjoyed it! I just get sudden impulses to write, so I do, and then you get this. Ooh! I’ve also never done this before, but I’m gonna start a tag list! I’ll do this for every story! I’ve only got one person and my beta readers, but feel free to ask to be on the tag list! You’ll get a notif for any oneshot I post! Or story! If you want to see my artwork, then please make that specification. So I’ll tag you in both or one or the other. Okay? Okay!

Tag list: @king-queenie, @violet-fandom, @siivermoon,

Okay! That’s all! Thank you!

#long post #kiribaku #kiribaku fantasy au #oneshot #eijirou kirishima #katsuki bakugou #krbk #songfic #ophelia the lumineers #the lumineers #fanfiction #fanfic #septic's stories

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drivingsideways · 4 years ago

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k-drama rec list

Prior to 2020 I’d maybe watched 2 k-dramas in my entire life, but this year I got sucked in, thanks to some great recs, and y’know, *gestures * everything.

I think I’d held off watching kdramas because my impression of them was limited to romances that I didn’t enjoy at all. But this was the year I discovered the equivalent of “gen fic” kdrama- dramas that had wonderful ensemble casts, strong story lines that weren’t entirely romance focused and also a variety in terms of themes and styles. A big plus was that I found so many of these dramas had women leading the writers’ room, and seeing the effect of that in the story telling. (Notable exceptions: a certain “star” writer who should please stop inflicting her badly written, formulaic crap on the world, yes Kim Eun-Sook, I mean you, and whoever wrote that trashfire Flower of Evil)

So here I am with my own rec list! Caveat- these are mostly not the dramas released in 2020, I’m still playing catch up! :)

Under the cut for length

My Mister/ My Ahjussi (2018, Written by Park Hae-Young, Directed by Kim Won-Seok, starring Lee Sun-kyun and Lee Ji-eun aka IU)

This was definitely my absolute favourite of the shows I watched this year across western/ asian media. It’s a story about the thread that binds us all and the ineffability of human connection. It’s also a story that deconstructs ideas of masculinity and honour and shame in a non-western context, but with an extremely compassionate touch. It’s a story that doesn’t shy away from showing the consequences of material and spiritual poverty; and how one can so easily feed into the other. It’s a love story that isn’t a romance, except that it’s a Romance. It’s about finding salvation in one another and in the kindness of strangers. It’s about choosing life, and picking yourself up off the floor to take that one last step and then the next and then the next. The one quibble I have with the series is that it could have been better paced, it does get extremely slow after the half way mark. But god, do they land the ending. Both Lee Sun-kyun and IU turn in absolutely heartbreaking performances, and fair warning, be prepared to go through an entire box of tissues watching this series.

Life (2018, written by Lee Soo-yeon and directed by Hong Jong-chan, starring Lee Dong-wook, Cho Seung-woo, Won Jin-ah, Lee Kyu-hyung, Yoo Jae-myung and Moon So-ri.)

Medical dramas are very much not my thing, and I wouldn’t have taken a chance on it except that @michyeosseo said I should, and she was right! It’s a medical drama in the sense that it’s set in a hospital, but rather than a “case-fic” format, this is actually a sharp commentary on the corporatization of health care, and the business of mixing, well, money and what should be a fundamental human right. Writer Lee Soo-yeon was coming off the global success of Stranger/Secret Forest S1 when this aired, so I understand that expectations were probably sky-high, and people were disappointed when this show didn’t give them the adrenaline rush that they wanted. On the other hand, I thought that this outing was really much more nuanced in terms of the politics and also how the ending doesn’t allow you the luxury of easy-fixes. This show has a great ensemble cast, and while it took me a while to get used to Lee Dong-wook’s woodenness (i ended up calling him mr.cadaver after watching this and was surprised to learn that he’s very popular?), in the end I was quite sold on his version of angry angst-bucket elder-sibling Dr.Ye Jin-woo. His best scenes were with Lee Kyu-hyung who turns in a lovely, achy performance as the paraplegic Dr. Ye Seon-woo who just wants to live a normal life. The love story between the two brothers is actually the emotional backbone of the story, and I think they landed that perfectly.

My one quibble with writer-nim is that she ended up writing in a forgettable and somewhat (for me at least) uncomfortable romance between the characters played by Won Jin-ah and Cho Seung-Woo. I think part of my uncomfortable-feeling was that I got the strong sense that the writer herself didn’t want to write this romance, it was as if she was being made to shoe-horn it in for Studio Reasons, and she basically grit her teeth and did the worst possible job of it. I do wish we could have absolutely had the OT3 of my dreams: Moon So-ri/Cho Seung-woo/Yoo Jae-myung like, c’mon TV gods MAKE IT HAPPEN, just...look at them!!!!

Anyway, that apart, I think this was a very engaging series, and by engaging, I also mean thirst-enabling, see below.

Stranger (aka Secret Forest or Forest of Secrets) S1 & 2 : (2017-, Written by Lee Soo-yeon, directed by

2017′s smash hit aired a much anticipated second season in 2020, and I managed to catch up just in time to watch that live, so that was thrilling :D . Writer Lee Soo-yeon mixes up thriller/office comedy/political commentary in an ambitious series. I think S1 is more “exciting” than S2 in terms of the mystery and pacing, but S2 is far more dense and interesting in terms of political commentary because it takes a long hard look at institutional corruption and in true writer-nim fashion doesn’t prescribe any easy solutions. Anyway, please enjoy public prosecutor Cho Seung-woo and police officer Bae Doona as partners/soulmates kicking ass and taking names in pursuit of Truth, Justice and just a goddamn peaceful meal, along with a stunningly competent ensemble cast. Also yes, Han Yeo Jin is a lesbian, sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Search: WWW (2019, Written by Kwon Do-Eun, directed by Jung Ji-hyun & Kwon Young-il, starring Im Soo-jung, Lee Da-hee, Jeon Hye-jin)

GOD. Where do I start? +1000 for writer Kwon Do-Eun saying “fuck the patriarchy” in the most grandiose way possible, i.e. absolutely refusing to acknowledge that it exists. Yes, this is that power fantasy, and it’s also a fun, slice-of-life tale about three women navigating their way through work, romance, national politics and everything in between. It’s true that I wasn’t entirely sold on the amount of time spent on the romance, and I really wish they’d actually had a textual wlw romance, though the subtext through the entire series is PRACTICALLY TEXT. But still, it maintains that veneer of plausible deniability and I think queer fans who are sick of that kind of treatment in media have a very valid grouse against the show. On the other hand, personally I felt that the queer-platonic vibe of the show is very wonderful and true to real life, and it was only reinforced by the ending. This is a show written by a woman for women (like me), and it shows.

Hyena (2020, Written by Kim Roo-Ri, directed by Jang Tae-yoo & Lee Chang Woo, starring Kim Hye-soo and Ju Ji-hoon )

Those of you who’ve been watching hit zombie epic Kingdom are probably familiar with Ju Ji-hoon’s brand of sexiness already. I had not watched Kingdom and got hit in the face by Mr.Sexy McSexyPants’ turn as a brash, privileged-by-birth, up and coming lawyer who gets completely runover by the smoking hot and incredibly dangerous fellow lawyer/competitor from the other side of the tracks in the person of Kim Hye-Soo. When I say they set the room on fire, I mean it, ok. Every single scene between these two is an actual bonfire of sexual attraction and emotional hand grenades, and they’re both absolutely riveting to watch. “Flower of Evil” wishes they had what this show has- an actual grown up romance as opposed to a thirteen year old twilight fan’s idea of an adult romance.

The “lawyer” shenanigans and the “cases” are hit or miss, and I think the occasional comedy fell flat for me. But that’s not why I mainlined like 6 episodes of this series overnight like a coke addict, and that’s not why you’re going to do it either. It’s so RARE, even in these enlightened days to find a female character like Jung Geum-ja: hard as nails, unapologetic about it, and not punished by the narrative for it. The best part for me is that she feels like a woman’s woman, not a man’s idea of what a Strong Female Character should be. Anyways, when I grow up I want to have what Kim Hye-soo has ok?

Other dramas that I watched this year, quickly rated:

The King: Eternal Monarch (3/10 and those 3 points are only for the combined goodness of second leads who deserved better- Jung Eun Chae, Woo Do Hwan and Kim Kyung Nam. Please head over to my AO3 and read my attempts to fix this garbage fire and rescue their characters from canon)

Flower of Evil (-10/100, dont @ me)

Tale of the Nine Tailed (5/10, I think it succeeds at what it set out to do, which is a light hearted, sweet fantasy-romance-melodrama, plus “second lead” Kim Beom will make you cry as the hot mess of a half human/ half fox spirit ALL TEARS character. I think if you’re into kdrama romances as a genre, this is probably a good bet?)

Signal (7/10, This was the first full kdrama I watched this year and would definitely recommend. It’s a police procedural with time travel shenanigans and has an engaging plot, good pacing, texture and compelling performances. My one disappointment with it was the way they wrote Kim Hye-soo’s character. As literally the only female character to survive in any way, she was given short shrift, and toward the end it really began to grate on me.)

Six Flying Dragons - (7/10, also would recommend if you’re interested in Korean historicals. It definitely already feels a bit dated in terms of styling and production values, and even scripting and acting choices. But it has a good balance of fantasy and history and political commentary. I was not a fan of Yoo In-Ah’s performance in this series, but it’s not anything that would make you want to nope out of the series. It’s GoT , if GoT was thoughtful about politics and characters and not the misogynist, racist trashfire that it became.)

My Country: The New Age - (3.5/10, and that’s 3 points to Jang Hyuk’s fan and 0.5.points to Woo Do Hwan’s heaving bosom. If you like your historical drama/fantasy with very pretty men, very gay subtext -seriously RIP to show makers who thought they could hetero it but didn’t account for Woo Do Hwan’s Tragic Face- lots of blood and tears and very nonsense plot, this is right up your alley. I probably would have enjoyed it more in other circumstances, I think? But this one just annoyed me too much at the time!

I have a couple of more dramas to watch on my list, that’ll probably carry me over into 2021, so see ya on the other side! :D

#k-drama #kdrama rec list #2020: A YEAR #i'm a queue for you

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mollymauk-teafleak · 4 years ago

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whose brow is laid in thorn (chapter five)

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Sorry this took so long! Online teaching is...well...

Huge thanks to my wonderful friends/betas @minky-for-short and @spiky-lesbian who are so endlessly supportive and wonderful.

Please reblog! Please leave a comment over on Ao3!

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Caleb watches his prince flounder through this war he didn't start and, as things go from bad to worse, he realises the only way he can truly help him.

TW: I feel like the mentions of violence increase in this chapter. I mean, Lorenzo's here now. so. you know.

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The forests were as silent as they had been the last time Caleb went through them. A fierce wind was whistling out on the moors and there was even some snow on the air just beyond their close knit embrace but, under the thick canopy, it was as if it didn’t exist. It was as if the world didn’t exist. The bitter air and slate grey clouds, it had all been swallowed by the leaves and the bark.

Caleb remembered how they’d swallowed his sobs the same way, the last time he had passed through here.

He stroked his horse’s neck as he rose further up in the saddle to look ahead through the trees. Though he hated leading Mollymauk’s side, his prince had insisted he be part of the scouts, saying he had the best eyes in the company. And anything Caleb could do to help right now, he would not leave it undone. They couldn’t afford to.

It was peaceful, at least. He had lost the hour in the silence, it was all just darkness and quiet and the beat of his own heart in his lungs. Even his horse’s hooves made no noise in the soft forest floor, carpeted in moss and pine needles. He would never have even known an entire company of armed warriors shared these trees with him. He could have been the only person on the planet.

Which meant no threats in sight as well, nothing his eyes or ears could pick up even in the stillness. Caleb cast a searching spell forward just to be sure but the only sparks of life were the nests in the boughs up above and a family of foxes curled up in their den. No hidden enemies to speak of. Not a hidden archer in the leaves or a sword wielding scout behind a trunk.

Which, inexplicably, didn’t sit well with Caleb.

He frowned and passed a hand over his horse’s neck again, to comfort the animal and, partly, to comfort himself. Unease had settled heavily in the bottom of his stomach on the very first day they’d ridden out from Asarius, a weight that had only grown as this campaign went on.

They’d all flashed so prettily in the sun that day, as the light had caught and turned to red silk pennants on the tips of their spears, Mollymauk in a suit of plate enamelled in purple and looking more a god than a prince, though a god that stopped to wink at maidens and accept flowers from their hands, who ruffled the hair of children who ran alongside their column, who passed jokes back and forth with common tradesmen. It had been more like a fair than a force riding out to war, Molly had known his role and he’d played it well. Caleb must have looked like a sour spirit, haunting his left shoulder all in black, but something had just felt so wrong that day and it felt no better now, a week on.

He sighed, his breath misting in the damp air. No one but a Volstruker would be morose at not meeting a single enemy yet.

Maybe it was just being here that put the tension in his stomach. This was the path they’d taken back into the empire ten years ago, after his...his disgrace. The word didn’t come to him as easily as it one had, the shame wasn’t so quick to rise. It was an old misery he felt, the memory of the loss and despair, how it had opened a pit inside his younger self to think he’d never see Mollymauk ever again. He ached for that young wizard, in pain and confused and so scared, chained in the back of a cart and bouncing painfully along to a fate he didn’t want to imagine waiting for him in Rexxantrum, crying to a love that couldn’t hear him and trees that paid no mind.

He deserved it, a voice that sounded like a whip crack hissed in the back of his mind, curling Caleb’s lip, he deserved that awful fate.

But the voice was distant, like it wasn’t coming from inside him but behind him. Caleb swallowed down a faint taste of bile and answered it vaguely it certainly was an awful fate. That would satisfy it for now.

He was getting better at it. Feeding the thoughts that had been placed inside him to fester and grow, giving them just enough and no more, aware of the distance between them and his own. It was a difficult game, one that could hurt him very easily, one he had to play with steady hands and cautious nature. Two things that Volstruker training had, fortunately, gifted him with.

Caleb took a deep lungful of the air and thought of that boy again, weeping softly and steadily in the back of that cart, unable to stop no matter how many blows his tears earned him. Unwilling to stop.

I’m getting better at it, he promised the boy.

Caleb patted his horse’s neck and turned back towards the column. He’d seen enough.

The tents had sprouted up like strange canvas mushrooms under the shelter of the trees. Good, flat ground was scarce so they were more scattered than Caleb would have liked, clusters of them growing together rather than as one cohesive unit. Too much space for any intruder to thread through and reach the heart of the camp.

But the tents were already coming down as he rode hard back through the outer ring of defences, the company waking up to begin another day of marching. Perhaps there would be better ground up ahead. Perhaps they would finally break through the trees.

And what would be waiting for them when they did?

No one called out to Caleb as he dismounted by the hastily strung up horse paddock, no one offered a greeting or asked about his ranging. Soldiers merely talked around him, laughing and joking and grumbling to each other as they woke up and rubbed the sleep from their eyes, acting if he wasn’t there. Caleb didn’t mind, he was used to it and there was no real malice in their disengagement. Something about his black uniform of office and the rumours that clung to it turned idle conversation away, it was the whole point of wearing it. That was the whole point of being Volstruker.

“Rest now, Frumpkin,” he murmured softly to his horse, patting their neck, “I need to go make my report but I’ll come back and see you get a good rub down before we have to set off.”

“Gods, you’re not still calling the poor animal that name, are you?”

Caleb turned to see Beau leaning against one of the posts hastily driven into the forest floor, smirking at him. She was dressed in a cold weather version of her usual monk robes, more parts reinforced with leather for better protection. No one was taking any risks on this campaign but it was still strange to see the old friends he’d last known as children dressed for war.

He was glad they hadn’t had to grow up as quickly as he did, that they could still be considered too young for this.

“Why would I call him anything else?” Caleb answered smoothly, “It’s his name.”

“One of the finest horses I’ve seen come out of the palace’s stables and you saddle him with a name like Frumpkin. It’s an insult.”

The corner of Caleb’s mouth twitched into a smile that he dampened. He didn’t need to smile around Beau, he never had. She’d always taken him as he was and was the first of them all to slip back into doing so after he’d come back. While the others were still unsure how to fit him back into the place the old Caleb had occupied in their lives, Beau was cursing him and scowling at him and punishing him in the training yard like she always had done. Perhaps it was easier when what you had wasn’t the conventional idea of being friendly.

Whatever the reason, Caleb was grateful for it.

“Thank you for keeping him for me all these years,” he said quietly, putting a gentle hand on the horse’s flank.

“Stubborn beast wouldn’t take anyone but you,” Beau shrugged, “Like rider, like horse, it’s the same as ever.”

Caleb grunted, “Where’s the prince?”

“In the command tent,” Beau rolled her eyes as she said it and for good reason. The idea of the Mollymauk they all knew in charge of armed soldiers was absurd, however good the act he’d been putting on for everyone else was, “Anything to see out there?”

“Nothing,” Caleb said, “Nothing but the wildlife whose homes we’re trampling through.”

“I’m starting to think the Jagenoths keep their brains in their damn swords,” Beau frowned, “Did they seriously send out an invading army but didn’t think to put at least some force on the borders?”

“The Jagenoths don’t,” Caleb said, voice flat and serious, “And they wouldn’t.”

“So we’re missing something,” Beau followed the thread of his thoughts easily and liked it no more than he had.

“We are. And we will not be ready for it when it comes.”

With that grim assessment, he began walking through the croppings of tents, making for the one at the centre with the royal standard looking rather forlorn outside it’s entrance, no wind to lift it. Caleb did not want to scare his friends and doubt his prince but his strategic mind was in despair at everything he saw around him. They were nearly as short on weaponry as they were the hands to wield them, food as the mouths to eat it, the bulk of the royal army’s resources having gone with the king to meet the main Jagenoth force.

Or, as it appeared at the moment, the only Jagenoth force. Caleb would have loved to believe that.

He’d wanted to be back before his prince woke up but he’d not been sleeping well and was already up and at his desk when Caleb ducked under the flap. When Molly saw him standing there framed in predawn light, the frustration and helplessness in his red rimmed eyes eased into relief. He knew he didn’t need to pretend in front of Caleb.

“It’s good to see you back,” he exhaled, “Any news?”

“Nothing,” Caleb put his hands behind his back, standing tall and drawn, “The forest ahead is clear, no sign of any enemy out postings or even anything to suggest a large group of armed soldiers are approaching from the border. No smoke, no hoofprints, not so much as a flattened fern.”

Molly frowned, setting down his quill, “The border? How far did you ride out, Caleb?”

“Three hours out, your majesty.”

Molly groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Gods, Caleb, that's so far. If you’d gotten into trouble, no one would have seen your signal, you’d have been on your own!”

“If I had the enemy would be down as many as they’d seen fit to set against me,” Caleb said evenly, “And we would know more about what they are planning than we do know.”

Molly didn’t seem to think that justified the risk, still frowning down at the map in front of him, eyes tracing the path Caleb must have taken on his scouting run.

“Just...don’t do it again. Please. I know we’ve not run into any trouble yet but if the first time we did was you getting hurt or...just don’t, please.”

Caleb felt a stab of guilt, not the sort that came from disappointing a liege he was sworn to or disobeying an order, the deeper sort that came from causing a friend to worry.

“I’m sorry. It just frustrates me, still knowing so little about what they’re planning. We should have at least met border patrols by now, if the Jagenoths are half of what they’re rumoured to be. If Lorenzo truly is at their head.”

Molly grimaced, standing and moving to where his armour waited on the stand by the cot he slept on. He always waited until the very last moment to put it on while simultaneously knowing he couldn’t let any of their soldiers see him without it. Before long the captains of the night guard would be coming to give him reports and he’d run out of time to move freely and breathe comfortably.

If they saw him without the gilded plate and the glittering swords, they might remember that they were being led by their scandal sodden rake of a prince. That act had kept Mollymauk going after Caleb had been taken from him, it had been all he’d had through his darkest moments. And now it had to be packed away like a winter coat in spring, now its absence was all that kept this company together.

He was doing his best to hide it from their friends but the nakedness Molly felt without it, the vulnerability, was painted across his face when it was just the two of them.

“Perhaps their bloodlust has made them stupid. Perhaps this isn’t an invasion at all, just a tithe taking. Perhaps all Lorenzo wants to see is my father’s head on a bloody pike.”

Caleb winced internally at the defeat in his voice, “Your highness…”

“Caleb, I just…” Molly shook his head, the frantic, panicked edge fading from his voice, “I’m under no illusions about what will happen when we finally do encounter enemy forces. Let me have every moment until then. And...gods, please don’t let it be you in their way.”

Caleb exhaled, finally bowing his head, “As you wish.”

There was a long moment as Molly held his lobstered gauntlets in his hands, staring down at them like he was holding hands with a stranger. He was clearly rolling something around in his mouth, words he wanted to say but couldn’t. Caleb merely waited, patient.

“Has it been getting better?” his prince eventually murmured, pitching his voice lower as if Caleb’s intrusive thoughts were a physical presence with malicious ears, “The avoidance strategies, have they been helpful? I did worry coming through here again might be difficult for you.”

Caleb softened, managing a smile even as he still had to answer carefully, “I have found the last few days more comfortable than I expected.”

And he wasn’t lying. Feeling pity for the boy he’d been, as painful as it was to remember that hurt, it was so much better than hating him. It was such a delicate business but having Mollymauk quietly cheering for him, listening to him as he tried to work out what sentences were acceptable and what would make his old wounds throb with remembered pain, holding him when he slipped and stepping back when the intrusive thoughts roared too loud to allow Caleb any comfort.

In some ways, the close proximity of the camp, so much more intimate than that castle with its stone memories, was a blessing. Not many ways, but some.

“I’m pleased, Caleb,” Molly turned away from the armour and smiled back at him, expecting nothing, just genuine in his relief, “Help me into this damnable oven of an outfit?”

“Of course,” Caleb stepped forward gladly. If any part of him were to wonder why he took so much comfort and delight in being close to Mollymauk, he would answer it smoothly and confidently. He was Volstuker, why would he not hasten to armour his prince and be certain that he was as closely protected as possible?

Why would his heart not quicken as he slide a shirt of fine mail over Molly’s head, so carefully and deftly making sure it didn’t catch on his horns, as he sank down on one knee to carefully lace each fitted plate into place, working from the ground up until they were nose to nose?

Molly cleared his throat as they realised neither had spoken for some time, that silence had settled in now the sounds of metal scraping on metal had silenced. He fixed a playful smile onto his face, “Now, go tend that horse of yours. If you went that far before the sun’s even in the sky, you must have ridden poor Frumpkin hard. After everything that poor boy does for you, keeping his head high with a name like that.”

Caleb chuckled, a brighter sound than any he’d made all morning, “The name suits him, as I’ve told you all plenty of times…”

Molly nudged him gently towards the tent door, grinning, “It’s very you, I’ll give you that. I’ll see you when we ride out.”

Caleb gave him a quick bow in answer, striding back out into the gathering dawn. His stomach felt lighter than it had since he woke.

The days crept by with a maddening slowness as they skirted along the border of the kingdom. It was the same flat, barren landscape with it’s cropped dark grass and those black mountains in the distance cutting a ragged edge on the grey sky. It was impossible to tell what thin, pebbled soil was theirs and what was the Empire’s, the bleak sameness of the landscape doing little to honour the people who’d shed blood to forge it centuries ago.

Caleb wondered why all his training had neglected to mention that war was an awful lot of tedious plodding forward.

They poured over maps, they talked in the command tent long into the small hours of what would have been the morning if any of them had any concept of time anymore, debating in endless circles what the Jagenoths were planning, how the king was faring, what to do next. Molly would listen, unafraid to look exhausted and worn down in front of his friends, and eventually bring his hand down on the table for silence and give them the same, flat answer. They would do exactly as they were instructed. They would push on until they either met his father’s forces flush with victory or discovered their corpses mouldering in the dirt.

Birds would take wing, messages would be ferried along by magic, the same report would fly every day. And every day there would be no answer.

Caleb could tell Mollymauk felt abandoned. But he also knew it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to his prince.

Not that it made watching him go through this any easier. In fact, it was more of a sting, as Caleb would sit by Molly’s cot and stroke his heaving shoulders as he twitched and moaned through more nightmares. That he was having to go through this at the king’s command, after everything he’d done to him. That there was so little Caleb could do.

That same sense of frustration and helplessness drove him on that night, scouting again. He moved quickly over the short bursts of open ground, keeping low to Frumpkin’s neck and trusting his magic, his horse’s dark coat and his uniform to keep him cloaked in the shadows. When in the smatterings of trees, he walked him slow and steady, knowing the damage a hoof or boot crunching down on a stick at just the wrong angle could do. Moving like that, he very quickly lost sight of the company behind him, lost their slow creeping mass and the lights of the outer torches over a rise in the landscape.

Before too long, it was him, the wind and what stars could be glimpsed through the clouds. The whole plain seemed to open out, something inside him itching at the thought of the answers that could lie out there beyond the next rise of shadow. All he would need was a glimpse, one raiding party, one enemy torch in the distance, one footprint in the grass to tell him who had passed this way and when.

Caleb felt a tug in his chest and remembered his promise to Mollymauk. He’d reached the outer limit of what could reasonably be expected of him as a scout, more than halfway through the time his ride was supposed to take. If he went any further, he would be coming back after dawn and it would be impossible to hide the fact that he’d disobeyed. If he really pushed it, he would have to camp out here or risk Frumpkin coming up lame.

But then he would think of the exhaustion in Mollymauk’s eyes, the way his shoulders slumped when he turned to his armour and faced another day of wearing this personality that didn’t fit him. He would think of his prince, his friend, crying hoarsely into his pillow and not hearing Caleb as he tried to comfort him, sounding for all the world like a lost child unable to understand why his father had left him behind.

Caleb took a long slow breath of cold night air and pressed his heels into Frumpkin’s side, urging him forward. Just a little further, he would return just shy of dawn. After all, his only promise to Molly, technically, was that his blood wouldn’t be the first spilled. And if his training was worth anything, it wouldn’t be.

More bursts of frantic speed across the hills bracketed by near silent creeping through copses of trees. Caleb poured all of his energy into his senses, hearing everything from a mouse skittering down by Frumpkin’s hooves to an owl’s call from high above his head, seeing every shift in the texture of the darkness around him, even smelling deeply to try and pick out the sour scent of unwashed solider from the bite of night air. If he was going to disappoint Mollymauk, he would at least be as careful as possible.

Hours slipped by unnoticed, he lost himself in the glut of information flooding through him and the regular rhythm of his ride. It was tasks like this that brought him the most peace, when he could fully give himself over to his magic, float along through repetition and the hard drag of air in his lungs, when he could feel purposeful while disengaging entirely from the tangled magpie’s nest that was his brain. Times like this, Caleb could remember why he’d always had this ravenous hunger for magic, why he’d loved it so much.

He remembered why he’d fallen prey to Ikithon so easily.

But right now, it was his and no one else's. He was pushing forward to save his home, to help his prince.

The border with the Empire was the clean kind, the neatly cut kind formed by politics rather than geography. With the land changing so little, the only reason Caleb realised how far he’d actually gone was when the sky shifted from black to the hazy grey of dawn.

Guilt stabbed through him at the sight, the only thing in hours that had jolted him out of his razor sharp focus. He brought Frumpkin to a halt in the middle of a collection of trees that couldn’t even be called a wood, only now realising how his poor horse was breathing hard underneath him. He patted his neck, pulled an apple from one of his many pockets and murmured softly, knowing that Mollymauk and his friends wouldn’t be so easy to forgive him. They must be worried sick about him, he was meant to be back at camp hours ago and it would be half a day yet before they knew he was okay.

He couldn’t hear the whip crack, not quite, but his scars prickled with a heat the cold morning couldn’t possibly hold and there was a sharp echo reverberating between his ears.

Cursing himself for a fool, Caleb slid from the saddle, pulling the aches and strains he felt closer rather than pushing them away and knowing he deserved to feel every one. He pulled his water skin out from the saddle bags, letting it trickle out in a steady stream so Frumpkin could drink first, their breaths misting in the clammy dawn.

“I am a pig headed idiot, Frumpkin,” he sighed, pushing fingers through his horse’s mane, “All this effort and I don’t even have anything to show for it. I was just so certain…”

Just as he was about to rest his forehead against Frumpkin’s nose and let himself have a moment of self pity before getting back into the saddle, he felt something shift on the very edges of his magic. It was like seeing a shadow flicker in the corner of your eye, a second’s movement that threw everything off balance but was so hard to catch.

But there was very little faster than Caleb. He’d been through Volstruker training twice.

He left Frumpkin to crop at the carpet of leaves underneath them, moving forward on foot. All doubt, all emotion of any kind was locked down tight as he broke through the tree line and slunk forward in the direction of that single vibrating thread. It led him forward, over to the next ridge, though the closer he got the more some instinct pressed him down further into the shadows until he was crawling on his belly to peer into the bowl of the hills.

And when he saw what was cradled there, hidden down where it would be hidden from any view but the one Caleb now had, made him glad he’d hidden. What he saw was an army.

Not a raiding party. Not a band of cutthroats sent to harry the border towns. Not a company like theirs. He saw a full, broiling Jagenoth army. He saw racks of arms ready to slice the air in two, along with whatever stood in their way. He saw mercenaries with smiles as dangerous as the swords at their hips. He saw slavers, spearmen, archers, crossbowmen, rank upon rank of soldiers who fought at their masters command. He saw twice, three times, four times their own numbers and, in the middle of all of them, a standard that was rarely seen outside of Shady Creek Run but, when it was, brought blood and terror.

And, out at the edge, where no eyes but his own would see it, he saw a collection of black clad figures sparring against each other with blows that even from here looked brutal, the weapons they trained with had real edges on them. The smell of magic that came off them was thick and smoky like gunpowder, though heavily masked. Masked to everyone but those whose own skin reeked of it.

They were Volstruker.

Caleb felt no surprise, he was sunk too deeply into battle mode for that. He simply inhaled slowly and steadily, very deliberately not looking for any familiarity in the way they moved and struck out. Another moment to make sure he’d catalogued absolutely everything that lay before him while feeling absolutely nothing, then he slipped back down the hillside. Back to Frumpkin, kicking himself into the saddle and riding out without another moment’s pause.

He had to get back to his prince, his friends. He had to tell them their doom lay less than a day’s ride away.

Mollymauk’s hair ached deep at the roots by the time he heard those hoofbeats, the ones he knew immediately belonged to Caleb.

He hadn’t allowed the camp to break, insisting they stay exactly where Caleb would know to find them, refusing them even an inch until he was back and safe. Later, he would realise that his fit of pique had earned them all another day to live.

But not that moment. That moment had been nothing but relief as he’d pushed past Yasha and burst out of the command tent, seeing a lathered, wrung out Frumpkin drawing to a halt right in the centre of camp. An equally exhausted Caleb slid from the saddle, thin shoulders heaving and wiping spit from his cheek. He came down so heavy that Beau had to jump forward and catch him, barely keeping him on his feet.

Molly couldn’t even muster any anger, it was just joy to have him whole and back in the fold of his protection. He ran up and took him from Beau, gripping his shoulders tight, and grinning like a fool.

“Thank all the gods, Caleb! You must have ridden halfway across the kingdom, look at you! Come in, we need to get you something warm to eat, I-”

His mildly frantic relief died as soon as he saw Caleb’s eyes. Even as the rest of him was exhausted and ragged, his eyes were alert and hard like chips of ice.

“Molly,” his voice was low so it wouldn’t carry amongst the tents, to the many eyes that were on them, warily curious as to why the prince’s Volstruker had been gone all night, “We need to talk.”

Once inside the tent, Caleb wouldn’t so much as look at the broth Caduceus was determined he drank, standing stiffly in the centre with his hands wrapped around the bowl. Molly searched him up and down for any signs of injury but the only thing that was troubling him was clearly the weight he carried behind his eyes.

“Your father will ride out to the north and find nothing. The Jagenoth army is here, every man of them not a day's ride from where we sit. Lorenzo’s standard flew outside of the largest tent, though I didn’t see him personally. Their numbers outstrip ours by far and they are better outfitted, by what I could see in the torchlight. I’d estimate just below ten thousand warriors, a third of them mounted, another third with some kind of long range weapon. And…”

He seemed to steel himself, something like shame creeping into his eyes, “They have Volstruker. Five of them by my count.”

His words drew soft curses, widened eyes, stiffened shoulders as the shock rippled outwards. But Mollymauk turned inside himself and found nothing, only a bleak kind of amusement. It seems your pet monsters have gotten loose, Father. I hope it tastes bitter.

Caleb bulled on before any of them could ask him how he was feeling about that, “We have no hope of defeating them in battle and we are too close to skirt them. Our only hope is to turn now and ride hard back to the capital or even try and make it to the King’s army. Even then, we will still be short of numbers and exhausted but it is all we have.”

“We can’t lead them back to the city,” Caduceus shook his head, usually placid face tight with anxiety, “It is practically undefended and full of innocents.”

“Without that option, we have nowhere to run even if we do manage to get clear,” Yasha’s voice was tense, “And if they catch us in a full retreat…”

“It would be a bloodbath,” Beau finished shortly, her arms folded so tight it was like she was embracing herself and trying to give some comfort.

“A bloodbath from the rear or a bloodbath from the front,” Fjord snorted, tapping his foot as he always did when he was stressed, “Those are our choices, then?”

“Is there any way to get a message to the king?” Yasha’s brow furrowed as she thought, unused to being trapped in situations she couldn’t maneuver herself out of either with her mind or her greatsword, “Surely he’ll have noticed by now that he’s riding to meet an enemy that isn’t there?”

“His Volstruker will have some kind of magical manipulation to bait him on,” Caleb’s voice was still flat, even when he spoke of people who were supposed to be his, “An illusion or a mirage of some sort, torches in the distance, flattened land to suggest they are withdrawing perhaps . And you can be sure any messages we send out will be noticed from this close, as powerful as they are. Even if we could, there would be no time for his forces to reach us.”

“Then why didn’t they notice you?” Beau countered tightly, “If you got that close? If these are your people, isn’t there some secret way you know that can take them down?”

“I know the same tricks they do,” an edge of emotion entered his words now, a tension that threatened to snap, “I know the same magics. But I am only one against five, weaker than they are into the bargain, less firm in my faith. I am not enough.”

“That’ll do.”

Molly spoke for the first time, voice calm and commanding the way he’d been practising since he was a child. He rose from his camp chair, drawing every eye to him, trying to stand tall enough to shoulder their fears and doubts.

“I’ve made my decision. We are going to ride out and we are going to meet this army.”

“My prince, there is no way-” Yasha started to say but Molly shook his head.

“We’re not going to give battle, not at first. I’m going to do the one damn thing I’ve ever been good at with this job. I’m going to call for parley and I’m going to talk to Lorenzo. Whatever rotten deal my father made that has gotten us into this mess, maybe there’s something I can offer the Jagenoths that will make it right again. Gold or wardship or...or a marriage contract with some Dwendalian countess, I don’t know…”

He daren’t look up at Caleb in the beat of cold, heavy silence that followed those words.

“But there will be a price and that price may not necessarily be blood.”

There was a collective intake of breath, whether it was admiration or despair Molly daren’t ask.

“And...if Lorenzo isn’t the type to be bartered with, your highness?” Yasha asked evenly, letting the ‘which you know he isn’t’ go unsaid but lie underneath her words.

Molly hardened his eyes and gripped the swords at his sides, “Then we take as many as we can down to hell with us. Every Jagenoth that falls will be one less to threaten our city walls. Caleb?”

“Yes?” his friend sounded so much further away than the tent would allow.

“If it comes to that, your job is to kill Lorenzo. Not to take out the other Volstruker, not to protect me. If we must fight, he does not walk off that battlefield alive, understand?”

He wasn’t used to ordering Caleb around, the words felt sour on his tongue as did the silence that followed. It was only a moment, barely a heartbeat, but from a man that had been trained to obey it was an eternity that very clearly showed his upset.

But finally, his Volstruker murmured, “I understand, my prince.”

“Thank you,” Molly let his sincere gratitude show in his voice and that crack let the emotion start to bleed in, let his shoulders start to tremble, “All of you...you’re all my dearest friends and you’ve done so much for me. If any of you want to turn back now and leave this company, you go with my blessing. Asking you to die for me...I refuse to do it.”

Beau was the first to answer, giving a derisive snort and coming up to nudge him sharply with an elbow, “We’re not dying for you, idiot. That murderous asshole is standing in our home thinking we’ll just roll over and give it to him. Seeing the look on his face when Caleb spills his guts? That’s worth dying for.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to put it quite like that,” Yasha gave Beau a fond roll of her shadow ringed eyes, “But the sentiment is the same. This will be something we finish together.”

“However it ends,” Fjord nodded firmly, loosening his blade in its scabbard.

“And you are rather convincing when you want to be, Mollymauk” Caduceus chuckled, “Perhaps it will come to peace after all. Stranger things have happened...like us all standing here facing impossible odds with smiles on our faces.”

That broke the lingering tension, making them all giggle helplessly like they were children again, facing their first time sneaking out of their bedrooms after dark. Like this was the start of some grand adventure rather than the end of one. Molly felt such a rush of warmth in his chest as he met Caleb through teary eyes and saw him chucking too, for a moment there was nowhere else he’d rather be than in this cold, filthy tent facing death.

“Well then,” he eventually sighed, jaw aching from grinning so hard, “Let’s put this silver tongue of mine to the test.”

Mollymauk tried so hard not to appear afraid. He really tried.

For once he was glad of his ridiculous horned helmet and the way it shielded his expression from the soldiers around him.

The Jagenoth army came into view over a rise in the landscape, a neat, black row of ants in the distance marching towards them in perfect step, banners snapping in the wind and sun catching on the deadly points of their weapons. They came in perfect synchrony, row after row of them, one two, one two, one two, devouring the distance between the two forces.

And they just kept coming.

Yasha and Fjord held the enormous black banners high, where they couldn’t possibly be missed, but as those soldiers came on and on and on, as Molly’s tongue dried to a desiccated fruit rind in his mouth, he couldn’t suppress the certainty that this lot of trained killers would just ignore their request and plow right through them, trampling them into the dirt without even a pause.

But finally, at the last possible moment, the Jagenoths halted. There was a thin strip of land still between them, less than a league separating him and his friends, the soldiers who followed in devotedly, from death. The silence that fell was broken with the snorting of horses and the restless clank of people shifting nervously in suits of armour but it still weighed heavily.

After a moment, Caleb spoke softly at his side, eyes filmy with magic, “He’s beckoning you.”

Mollymauk didn’t need to ask who he meant.

“Well then,” his voice cracked on the very first word and he had to hastily clear his throat and start again, come on you fool, you’ve been an actor more than half your life, you won’t flub your lines now, “Well then. Yasha, Caleb, Fjord, with me. Beau and Caduceus, hold the army. If you see anything done that breaches the terms of parley, attack.”

With that, he urged his horse on, never daring to look back and see if his friends would actually follow him. When they did, of course, he’d hate himself for doubting them.

The fact that only one rider broke from the mass like a droplet of black oil, ploughing forward to meet them, showed exactly what Lorenzo thought of the threat they posed to him. As the formless shape of hulking iron resolved itself into a vaguely humanoid silhouette, Molly took a meagre scrap of comfort from the fact that he was at least in his human form. When he was coming for their blood, he would look much different.

They stopped their horses a few metres from each other and walked the rest of the way, Molly flanked by his friends, Lorenzo needing nothing but his bristling carapace of sooty metal, swathed in hooks and cruel leather straps, and the glaive stowed at his back. The closer that got, the more Molly realised how his pretty, glistening armour with all its jewels and shine made him look like what a foolish boy would dream a prince wore to battle. He was a tawdry illustration from a fairytale. Lorenzo was an experienced killer.

“Well, well, well…” Lorenzo spoke first while he was still loping up, hailing them as if they were friends, his voice a low pitched drawl in an approximation of a nobleman’s polite tones that showed how he’d risen from dirt to lead his army on the backs of slaves, “It’s awful decent of you to come offer yourself on a silver platter. Saves us the trouble of carving those pathetic excuses for soldiers I see behind you into meat.”

Molly swallowed hard and drew himself up, acting as if he hadn’t heard the insults, “Lorenzo. I assume you speak for the Jagenoths?”

“I’m killing for the Jagenoths, boy,” Lorenzo removed his warhelm so they could see his lazy grin, the anticipation in his eyes, “But aye, I speak with their voice in this matter.”

“Then I offer this to you,” Molly kept his firmly on, “Whatever wrongs my father has done to you, whatever snags there have been in your business dealings, surely all out war is not the best way to seek repayment?”

“Depends on what you’re repaying,” Lorenzo sneered, “And I bet you don’t know half the mess your daddy’s gotten himself into. Allow me to educate you instead, gold don’t pay some debts, boy. Sometimes blood’s the only way to tip the scales back.”

“Then you and your kingdom are fools,” Molly replied, letting some contempt creep into his voice as the insults rubbed some already frayed nerves raw, “Out there in Shady Creek Run, you have no resources of your own. Your crops file nine harvests out of ten, there's no metals of any use in those mountains of yours, no lumber, no gems. Hence why you trade in flesh, a commodity most kingdoms turn their noses up at. Think of what I’m offering you. Money, trade, the chance to rise as a kingdom by marrying its crown prince to whoever you choose. I’m offering you the chance to actually see your people grow, rather than scraping out a living in the swamp and selling their children to you when they can’t make their rent.”

There was a moment’s pause after he finished before Lorenzo burst out laughing, showing rows of plaque chewed teeth as he guffawed.

“By all the gods, boy, haven’t they trained you up nice, eh? Got you all dressed up and taught you the right words to say, just like a pretty little parrot. Convinced you that you were a prince.”

Molly felt Caleb shift beside him, magic crackling in the air. He shot him a desperate glance, pleading with him from behind the metal slits in his helm. They absolutely could not afford to be the ones to break the peace here.

He swallowed hard and tried to put some more measure in his voice, “Perhaps if you brought my offer to your lords and let them decide whether they would rather see profit or-”

“You don’t understand, do you, boy?” Lorenzo was still chuckling like this was the funniest thing he’d seen all day, “What my good lords of Jagenoth want isn’t profit or trade or to see some pretty tattooed whore of a prince in their daughter’s bed. What they want is to see your father suffer. What they want is your head.”

That struck Molly somewhere just below his chest, “Mine?”

“Yes,” Lorenzo nodded idly, eyes creeping up the length of Molly’s body like he was deciding where to make the cut, “Your daddy stiffed them once too many times so they’ve decided his son and heir will be their price. However unimpressive that son may be.”

Molly hated the fear that chilled his bones at those words, that strangled the words in his throat as he tried to speak.

“Why’d you think we went to all that trouble to fool your daddy, get him to ride out on a wild goose chase after our shades and set you off on some busywork? It were never him we wanted. We wanted you, just as you are now with a handful of farmhands at your back and a pretty piece of glass for a sword. And didn’t it all work out so nice?”

Molly’s mouth twisted, “I see Ikithon has been giving you more than just Volstruker.”

Lorenzo spread his mailed hands and gave a wry smile, “You’re the losing side, boy. Got to expect the smarter rats to jump ship.”

“So…” Molly shook himself, forcing the words up, “If I let you take me, do whatever you want with me, that will be the end of it? My people go free?”

He’d expected the sharp, poorly concealed hisses of rage and dismay from his friends, the hands flying to weapons. He was ready with a raised palm, willing them to hold themselves, praying their loyalty outstripped their love for him.

“How very noble of you,” Lorenzo cooed in a mocking tone, before his voice turned to iron again, “And maybe that was the plan my lords gave me. But now I’m here...now I see that rabble you call an army...now I have your capital city just a few days ride from here...maybe now I want more? Maybe now I’ve got me a thirst.”

Molly felt sickness roil in his stomach, “You’d go against direct orders? You’d start a war that would cost you hundreds of soldiers without their permission?”

“Do you think they’ll give a flying fuck about permissions when I hand them the crown of Dosal still red with your family’s blood?”

“Dawn,” Molly croaked, “Give me until then and I’m yours. To kill or to carry back to Shady Creek Run, whatever you wish. On your word that that will be the end of it.”

Lorenzo smiled, a thick and nasty smile, his hand flexing, arm raising, “Do I look the patient type to you, boy?”

Molly saw how it all would happen. The barest second and that glaithe would be free, the blade would come swinging with it’s sharp whistle, no time to dodge, no time to free his own scimitars, all his hours of training meaning less than nothing as that razor edge bit into his neck and severed his head neat as snipping off a stray thread.

He saw it all. But it didn’t happen.

“What in the fuck-” Lorenzo grunted, his arm stilled in the air, muscles tight as iron chord but unable to move.

Beside Molly, Caleb had his hand out and his eyes were hard, the smell of magic rising off him like steam, “Drop your arm. Turn and walk back to your own. This parley is done, you have your terms.”

“You godsdamned pup-'' Lorenzo spat, eyes full of hatred as they fixed on the source of the magic holding him back. His face reddened and the smell of his own magic began to rise.

“Lorenzo!” Mollymauk raised his voice, the sickness turning to panic as he realised that the glaive was now fixing to whistle out at Caleb instead of him, that if it did battle would erupt and so many would die, “This is a parely for gods’ sake. We’re under a peace banner. You’ll get to kill me in less than a day, let it be enough.”

“Molly!” Caleb groaned, pained, his magic starting to slip in his distress and letting Lorenzo’s arm move an inch more.

“No,” he snapped, voice firm and tone hard, “Both of you, stand down. Lorenzo, you want it to get back to your lords that you can’t even keep to terms of parley? How long do you think they’ll keep feeding an oathbreaker?”

Lorenzo’s lip curled but at the very last second it became a sneer rather than a roar of rage. He relaxed his muscles and Caleb dropped his spell.

“I ain’t no oathbreaker, boy, but pay mind to which oaths I made and which I didn’t. Dawn it is then, you come out weaponless and alone before the light touches the base of that hill there. And be warned. You know my trade. You see my ink. You know that I can make you pay hard for every second you’ve made me wait.”

“And that will be the end of this?” Molly pressed, feeling strangely little for someone who had just signed away his life.

At that Lorenzo only smiled and let his eyes roll over to Caleb, poorly concealed hatred crackling in his gaze. It was clear that this wasn’t a man accustomed to being bested, even in the smallest ways. Caleb had dared to stay his hand and now Molly suspected he’d slipped down one place on the list of people Lorenzo wanted to kill tomorrow.

“Well we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”

At that he turned and strolled lazily back to his horse, never once giving them so much as a glance.

It was odd, to feel so alone in the midst of other people.To feel like the only person in the world when your friends were at your elbow.

They’d fallen back a little ways to set up a camp as best they could in the windswept plain. There was a hush about the company now, a dismay like they were all reeling from what just happened. Seeing the hope on Caduceus’ face fade, seeing the bitter anger flare in Beau’s eyes as she realised what had happened, it was all too much. Not waiting for permission, Caleb had rode Frumpkin past them, unable to bear it.

And now he stood alone at the paddock, running a brush over and over across his horse’s black coat even after it did nothing, just needing to do something. His duty pulled him towards the command tent, towards Mollymauk, but the thought turned his stomach. How was he supposed to watch his prince, his friend, retreat further and further into himself, dull his eyes and shut himself down as he waited for death? How was he supposed to stand by and watch it happen and know he could do nothing at all?

So instead he hid. He was ashamed at himself for it but at this point it was like pouring a flagon of water into the sea.

He replayed the parley over in his mind, turning it over to look at it from different angles, even when it’s sharp edges cut into him. He saw everything he could have done differently, all the ways he could have turned the tide. He could have snapped Lorenzo’s arm, found the strength from somewhere. He could have slipped into his mind, changed his words, made him take it back. He could have cut him down where he stood.

And it would change nothing, you fool.

Hopelessness crashed over his head like a tide again and it was all Caleb could do to keep his feet under the weight of the myriad ways he’d failed and everything it would cost.

Still wallowing in self pity instead of doing something useful I see.

At first Caleb thought it was just his own mind berating him as it often did. But then it sunk it, a moment too late, that the voice was so much clearer and sharper than it usually was. And it wasn’t his own.

An overpowering sense of revulsion filled him as his mind was invaded, enough that he couldn’t fight back. He’d felt it before but the sensation of someone else seizing control of your brain was so awful, so gut wrenchingly wrong in every way, that having it done brought him to his knees every time. Helpless, alone, no one around to see his distress, all Caleb could do was bend double and retch into the grass while his master slipped into his mind as easily as sliding on a well worn pair of boots.

I would have hoped to find you stronger, Bren. This is the Volstruker’s element and yet you are here whining instead of glorying in it.

Caleb could only moan thinly in response, mouth full of bile. His master only used his old name when no one else could hear them, they were supposed to shed them, burn them away, when they joined the order. But each of them knew that the master kept them carefully catalogued, ready to be used to hurt them as effectively as any torture device.

Well, at least you now have a chance to please me and show me you remember who you are...and who your master is.

“I don’t...please…” Caleb whispered, tears running from his cheeks to soak into the ground below.

Silence, Bren. Listen. It appears our relationship with Babenon Dosal has reached the end of its life. You are to defect, immediately, and present yourself to Lorenzo of the Jagenoths. He will find a use for even such as you.

Caleb’s brain could hardly take in what was being said to him, every inch of him shaking like electric currents were running under his skin, “No...no, the prince is my-”

The prince is what I say he is to you. And now he is nothing. I appreciate that you can, at least, summon some loyalty to your former position but I am hereby changing your directive. You serve Lorenzo now. Leave immediately. Do not let me down, Bren. You know the cost.

The revulsion fled as quickly as it had come on and Caleb was left to slump on the ground, tremors still running through him, stomach still painfully contracting as his body tried to remember what it was like to master itself.

It was a long time before he could rise, before there was enough strength in his limbs to hold him. His mind was a flurry of whip cracks, his back burned as if the wounds were minutes old rather than years, his fingers itched to tear his shirt away and find some relief in the night air.

You know the cost.

It was only an echo but upon hearing it, Caleb’s jaw clenched. He forced himself to hold still, he dredged up every scrap of training he could remember, filling his nose with the smell of smoke and burned wood to remind himself who he was and what he was.

Just once, he turned back and looked at the command tent, glowing with warmth at the centre of the camp just a few meters away from where he stood.

“Molly,” he rasped, voice raw and pained, “I’m so sorry.”

He knew his prince couldn’t hear him and saying it out loud brought him no comfort.

Caleb left Frumpkin tied where he was.

It would be easier to approach the Jagenoth camp on foot.

Molly paid little attention to the hours in between hearing Lorenzo’s last words and ending up back in his command tent, slumped down onto his cot while his friends sat around him, too stunned by dismay and grief to even argue much. All he could think of was that smile Lorenzo had worn as he’d turned away, what the cost of that smile could be.

I’m going to die, he thought vaguely, trying it on for size, trying to get his brain to accept the fact. He found he could muster little in response to it.

“We cannot let this happen!” Beau raged for the third time in the last half hour. And just like the other times, no one had anything to say to her.

“It’s our one chance,” Molly found himself saying, hearing the exhaustion in his own voice, “If he can have me, he might leave the rest of you alone. He might leave our people alone.”

“Might,” Yasha repeated, her voice bleak and hard like ice.

“Yes, might,” Molly sighed, “Might is better than nothing.”

“So you’re just going to give up?” Beau snapped, tight and tense as a drawn bow as she paced back and forth, “You’re just going to walk up to them like a lamb offering itself up to be slaughtered?”

“It’s the only thing I can do,” Molly leaned back against the canvas, eyes closing though all he saw behind them was that smile again and the image of his father’s crown covered in his mother and sister’s blood, “I can’t fight him. I can’t lead you all to some insane one in a million victory. I can’t talk to him. But I can let him have me and then...then maybe…”

He trailed off, shaking his head, unable to muster the energy to even find the words. Beau’s anger ebbed, showing the fear beneath.

“I’m a terrible prince,” he eventually murmured, eyes opening to not even meet their eyes, voice low and thin as a candle nearly out, “I can’t lead people, I can’t sway people or save them, I can’t ease their hunger or soothe their worries. I thought...I thought maybe I had enough base cunning and enough patter to act like a prince but...that’s all it's ever been. An act. A role I never even wanted. And now...well it’s all caught up with me, hasn’t it? The best hope I have is to die with some dignity and hope it's enough to save all of you.”

“Molly…” Yasha groaned, her voice a soft, sad whisper but it couldn’t reach him.

“An hour before dawn, all of you are going to retreat,” he continued, “Before that even, if you can manage it. I’m putting the lives of the company in your hands, save as many as you can.”

“Molly!” she was exasperated now, her usual calm completely fractured.

“This isn’t a debate anymore,” he shook his head, making himself stand though it was like moving a puppet with half its strings cut, “Just do as I ask. Let me try and accomplish something good with my death. And...if you ever get the chance, if the gods allow it, drink to my name.”

They had no answer to that. It was something of a relief.

“I’ll say my farewells in the morning,” he waved them out limply, “Just send in Caleb and…”

Finally, something pierced through the fog. Frowning, he lifted his head.

“Where is Caleb?”

“After the parley he, uh…” Fjord shrugged helplessly, “He was upset. I think he went to stable Frumpkin, you know how he does.”

“That...that was some time ago,” Caduceus put in slowly, “Hours.”

“I’ll go get him,” Beau shrugged, “Whatever…” She disappeared through the flap, still stomping, shoulders tense and face flushed. Yasha looked after her with soft, sad eyes but didn’t follow, she knew her well enough.

Molly expected the fog to close up around his head again but it didn’t. Something ran around under his skin, a sensation that something was wrong. Which was laughable, seeing as he was about to be killed as soon as the sun came up and possibly all of his friends alongside him at the whim of a madman.

Still, it was there and it irritated him just enough to keep him alert and frowning as more time than should have passed by.

And it was enough that he wasn’t surprised when Beau walked through the tent again, all of her anger replaced by complete and utter shock.

“A messenger,” she said, voice hoarse like the words surprised her even as they left her lips, “A messenger from the Jagenoths, she had the insignia and everything. She gave me this, said it was for your eyes only and just...left.”

This was a piece of paper, folded and sealed with a clumsy black seal like a smear of soot. The design was a crude hook shape. As Molly took it the feeling got worse until it was buzzing like an insect trapped in his skull. It was enough that he hesitated before breaking the seal but their eyes were on him, wary and hesitant and needing to see their prince be brave.

The writing was done in a hurry, the ink splotchy and smudged. Molly had one of those moments where complete insanity threatened to take the place of dread as he imagined Lorenzo’s huge oni fingers trying and failing to hold a quill but it died quickly.

When he read the words, there was no more fog and no more distance. Everything was real and close and far too much, pushing the air out of his lungs and constricting his chest until he couldn’t breathe.

Boy, I accept your challenge. Single combat it is, me against the little pup who thought he could snap at me and not pay for it. If I lose, my army turns heel and goes home empty handed. If I win, I kill you and we consider the debt repaid. I was so looking forward to slaughtering every last one of you but your pup made a good point. I get to hold faith with the Jagenoths while my steel gets to see true battle. I’ve never tried a Volstruker before but I’m looking forward to tasting the tears of grief on your face as I push my blade through your heart.

Lorenzo.

“Molly? Molly, what does it say? Hey, it’s okay, just breathe…”

Yasha had taken his arm but Molly barely noticed, he only looked up and found Caleb’s eyes there to accept his own. Of course he’d slipped in while they’d been distracted, of course he chose now to return. At least he had the grace to look ashamed.

“Caleb...” Molly rasped, tears running down his cheeks and dripping from his jaw to strike the letter, obscuring the words as if that would mean they’d never been.

The man he loved could only meet his eyes and smile sadly.

“Oh gods, Caleb, what have you done?”

#widomauk #critical role #mollymauk tealeaf #caleb widogast #royal au #tw violence #yasha #beau #fjord #caduceus #lorenzo #cr fic #please reblog and comment!#feed your local fic writer!

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catubarca · 5 years ago

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Harry Potter Next Generation Headcanons

im bored. im full of emotions, and am rly missing the HP world... i just want to write down my headcannons for the next gen kiddos tbh.

please remember these are just my opinions? its okay if yours are different. im just bored and want to share my thoughts,,

Teddy Lupin

his name is Theodore Remus “Teddy” Lupin. it’s just what it is

I don’t care what JKR says, to me his name will always be Theodore

i can’t do this “Edward” stuff im so sorry,,,

h u f f l e p u f f

proper school uniform? never heard of it

messy hair, messy clothes

punk rock child

we’re talking like,,,at least two (2) lip piercings ok

absolutely terrible in herbology. do not leave this child alone in a greenhouse, bad things happen

fuckin hoards chocolate

its a problem

dating Victorie Weasley

random bursts of dancing

keeps a lock of hair pink for his mother

lives with the Potters, enjoys pretending to be Ginny to ground his siblings

“Lily, why aren’t you coming out of your room? Dinner’s ready?” “You said I’m grounded! You tell me!” “What? Oh, for the- THEODORE REMUS LUPIN-“

s m i r k s

effortlessly cool,,, but so so dorky,,, in a cool way

Victorie Weasley

ravenclaw!

looks a lot like her mother, Fleur, but inherited those Weasley freckles

a little confused a lot of the time

absolute sweet tooth (teddy abuses this fact a lot)

Mom Friend™

will help you with your homework

always got a book on her

super beautiful and like,,,, the absolute nicest person,,, but

cannot dance

like at all

adores Charms class

a softie you don’t want to cross

“I’m the oldest”

Dominique Weasley

inherited the Classic Weasley Red Hair™

idolises her Uncle Charlie

“I wanna save animals and work with cool dragons, just like Uncle Charlie does!”

Bill almost has a heart attack

always bringing stray animals home

(“is that a lizard in your pocket, Dominique?” “Yes! His name is Blob.” “You know how your father’s afraid of reptiles, sweetheart, you can’t bring it inside.”)

Gryffindor child

favourite class is definitely Care of Magical Creatures, she and Hagrid like to talk about proper care methods for rare creatures

perpetual dirt stains

BIG middle child vibes

doesn’t really label her sexuality… just kinda does what she wants rly

all the pets in Hogwarts love her

rumours are she’s got an innate, natural magical ability to make them all love her

(she feeds them under the table)

it’s a mystery

big advocate for animal rights

f e m i n i s t

willing to throw hands at all times

usually all smiles though

one of those people who use their whole bodies to laugh

kind of an accidental heartthrob

romcoms

Louis Weasley

looks the most like his mother

ravenclaw

absolutely filled with curiosity. always reading or talking or learning

random facts

(how do you even find that sort of information?

you don’t want to know)

coffee boy

sort of musically talented?

he and James Sirius preach the importance of skincare to all who will listen

secretly full of sass and dry wit

vry graceful and fluid

e y e r o l l

awkward smiles? can never smile properly in photos

on the ravenclaw quidditch team

Ravenclaw Prefect

(“You might be older, but I’m taller.” “Fuck off!”)

only watches High Quality™ tv shows/media

kind of a disaster, despite the gracefulness

Molly Weasley

Classic red hair

comes across as a bit uptight, like her father

I don’t care what you think. (She really cares what you think.)

E y e b r o w s

death glares

drinks like 5 cups of coffee in the morning

studies,,, like a lot

definitely a Gryffindor though

mom jeans

always ready to debate a topic. will destroy opponents.

has been trying to start a successful Debate Club for like 4 years now

naturally falls into the position of a group leader

would be a teacher’s pet, if she wasn’t ready At All Times™ to debate the relevancy of the course syllabus or outdated teaching methods

got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait in Headmistress McGonagall’s office.

(Dumbledore’s portrait was laughing, until she turned and ragged on him for a bit. Minerva thought it was absolutely hilarious, so she just let Molly go at it for a while).

full of rage towards everything, but wears a very careful mask of aloofness

to calm down, she likes painting her nails

she’s very good at it

she’s also very good at painting and art in general, weirdly enough

Lucy Weasley

G R Y F F I N D O R

adores shitty puns and has a terrible sense of humour

brown hair, not red

loves to prank people, which makes her Uncle George very proud

Percy complains about her behaviour, but makes sure he knows he’s proud too

(charming all the cauldrons in the potions classroom to scream whenever they’re stirred takes a more complex understanding of spell work than one would expect).

a pit of a punk streak

rly loves hip hop

high key drama queen

does she ever stop yelling? we’re yet to find out

average grades in terms of theory, but she’s the best in terms of applying information

especially for her pranks

has allies throughout the castle, from the portraits to the students

the bigger the prank, the better

but is a firm believer in “confuse, don’t abuse”

all her pranks are mostly harmless

is a surprising lover of older literature, like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, an influence of her sister

a bit rebellious

Fred Weasley II

name isn’t officially “the second”, but it sounds cooler

James Potter, Lucy Weasley, Molly Weasley and Fred Weasley are like the Marauders 2.0

says “squad” and “lit” unironically

niche humour

hipster vibes

avid music lover

smiley sunshine child

takes after his mother the most in looks, just like his sister

a chill type of gryffindor

plays quidditch, and is an excellent chaser, just like his mother

the absolute undisputed King™ of puppy-dog eyes

just,,,, beautiful

the True teacher’s pet

hands in his work on time,, asks lots of questions,,, likes helping students understand their work,, what a boy

can hella nyoom

runs so fast

look at him go

as you might expect, loves a good prank. always down for a laugh

Roxanne Weasley

Gryffindor and pROUD

absolute Queen tbh

was definitely Head Prefect or Gryffindor Prefect at some point

loved by the school

absolute legend

G I R L P O W E R

infectious laughter

has a soft spot for Louis Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy

these poor disaster children,,,, they need a Mother

M O M

big mom vibes

mothers the hell out of all the first years

a feminist through and through

can be found nodding aggressively to Molly Weasley’s semi-deranged, furious ranting

YAAAASS

loves slang. uses so much slang. always up to date with trends and memes

has all the gossip

becomes a mess around pretty girls

absolute blushing, stuttering disaster around cute girls oh my god

her eye make-up game is killer

sparkly

Distinguished Lesbian

Rosie Weasley

did someone say Weasley™?

red hair and freckles and curls oh my

on the autism spectrum, has trouble socialising sometimes

hella passionate about stuff

hangs out with Scorpius and Albus, the Golden Trio 2.0

f em ini st

her jokes are the best. high quality sense of humour.

Ravenclaw

likes to read. it’s quiet in the school library, which is nice.

abysmal at herbology

surprisingly good at Care of Magical Creatures though? Animals are just,,, so much easier to deal with

overall, really good grades though

bit of a silent type, but she’s actually a riot to hang out with

actually pretty good at quidditch? She’s not on the team, and she’s not super interested in playing, but?? She’s not bad??

She can land a solid hit with a beater’s bat

(eyes you judgementally over the top of a book)

dry wit humour

will throw hands over chess

Hugo Weasley

hufflepuff

unbeatable at chess, like his dad

a lost puppy

someone please help this child

softie

kind of low-key emotional

so supportive!! and loyal!! high-key best friend material

foodie. loves food. please feed him.

takes a bit more after his dad appearance wise

loves to cook. spends lots of time with grandma Molly and his dad in the kitchen

Professor Longbottom is his favourite professor, because he’s more chilled and laidback.

other professors and classes fill him with Distress™

loves astronomy too

maths whizz, so good at arithmancy

(“uh, actually-“)

a little bossy, like his mother

is trying so hard

maybe a little too hard

a bit insecure and nervous, but so soft

please treat this child carefully and with love

James Sirius Potter

Gryffindor

L O U D

a fucking disaster child

what’d you expect, putting “James” and “Sirius” together?

DRAMATIC GASPING

flails his hands around when he talks

s t r u t s

bisexual mess, had a crush on both the Longbottom children at some point

is better than you at everything

including being a different gender

fuck you that’s why

so pretty

he’s so pretty

is thIS CHILD EVER NOT LAUGHING AT SOMETHING OH My god

laughs at everything

all the time

always

high-key emotional

badly timed finger guns

looks like a model in photos? wtf?

gets invited to Girls Nights™

wears nail polish and makeup

loves to yell at people about gender roles and defying stereotypes

TEA SIS

not on the quidditch team surprisingly enough, even though he’s pretty good

prefers to be in the stands, doing A+ commentary on the games

if he can get Fred to stop mid-air due to unbearable, suffocating laughter at least once a game it’s a win in his books

has it OUT for the hufflepuff quidditch team and no one knows why??

definitely makes puns on his name

it drives everyone insane

harry always replies he’s just making his namesake proud

that also drives everyone insane

smug lil shit

Albus Severus Potter

“It’s just Al.”

S L Y T H E R I N

will always find a way to get what he wants, eventually

“dad, why did you name me this way?”

unimpressed

sigh

hella smart. is topping at least five classes

Aunt Hermione is his favourite. She’s the fucking Mistress of Magic! All that power, the ability to make change and improve the Magical World as a whole-

sass master

the reason headmistress mcgonagall keeps a bottle of scotch under her desk at all times

the only potter child to inherit The Eyes™

absolute insomniac

kind of emo, but turns into a fucking softie around Scorpius Malfoy it’s hilarious

adverse to violence. prefers a verbal beatdown method

really tall? despite having shorties for parents??? no one saw it coming

(especially not Teddy. He’s always scared of losing his last few inches of height)

Functional Gay

he’s on the slytherin quidditch team, as a seeker

Lily Luna Potter

Gryffindor

FEMINIST

do not mess with lily luna potter

she may seem cute and sweet, but she will destroy you

inherited her father’s black hair

disaster lesbian

transfiguration is her favourite subject, by far

has no idea what she wants to do with the rest of her life.

Existential Crisis Father-Daughter Bonding Time™

do you ever sleep?

takes after Ginny the most in personality

also, kind of the most like James Fleamont Potter in personality, too?

Loves to help her brother out with pranks, laughs at him when he gets caught and she gets away with it

The only one of the Potter Children who hasn’t got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait

because she just ignores him instead

loves talking to the portraits around the castle

Super good at Quidditch, is on the team as a Chaser

Quidditch Captain at some point

adores Hagrid, but who out of the Potter children doesn’t?

Idolises Minerva McGonagall

just as oblivious as her father

Scorpius Malfoy

Actually in Ravenclaw, not Slytherin, much to many people’s surprise

abSOLUTE DADDY’S BOY

super close with his dad

Draco is just so supportive of like everything he does (unlike his father)

classic blonde malfoy looks

actually really funny?

a cuddler. loves hugs. always leeching warmth off of someone

he and Rosie sometimes finger-tip-touch which is their version of a hug, because he know’s she’s not super comfortable with touch

was basically adopted by the Weasley’s and Potter’s

James Sirius will murder for this child

booknerd, always rambling to Al and Rosie about new books coming out he’s interested in reading.

has had a crush on Albus Potter since like 1st year

always worried about making his dad proud, and keeping up the Malfoy name

sweet tooth

he’s just,, soft. just a warm, happy child. he wants love, and affection. someone tell him he’s doing okay, please.

needs,,, validation,,,

he’ll tell you out loud that he has no favourite aunts or uncles, but he secretly really likes spending time with his Uncle Ron

they had a talk, once, in like the middle of the night at a sleepover with Rosie and Al, about feeling insecure in comparison to others, and learning to be proud of yourself for your achievements

there were a few tears, but it was nice

Ron was actually the third person he told, besides his dad and Rosie, about having a crush on Al

openly a disaster romantic. trash taste in romance novels.

always welcome in the Potter-Weasley households

165 notes · View notes

mikenewtonhateblog · 5 years ago

Text

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin.

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

#no i am not looking for critiques on them #i get my critiques elsewhere lmao #my ocs

15 notes · View notes

katherynhudsoncharity · 6 years ago

Video

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THE KATY PERRY FASHN.COM WEBSITE TO BE BUILT: MEANWHILE

Nouveau commentaire sur ktperry.centerblog.net

Bonjour, katyperry666pute a commenté un article auquel vous êtes abonné sur le blog "ktperry" :

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A tout de suite sur Centerblog!

Katy Perry

épouse moi Katy!!!!!!!

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Commentaires (22)

dam le 23/04/2018

suce moi katy

http://biteraide.centerblog.net

hotswatp le 24/04/2018

Une bonne giclé pr elle

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porntostars2 le 28/04/2018

wow

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lescoquinesdecoquin le 21/05/2018

Hâte aux nouveaux articles et cumpics mon ami

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porntostars2 le 23/05/2018

perfect

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coco le 23/07/2018

hum tu m,excite trop

porntostars2 le 09/08/2018

à attacher et à enculer

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aliceinwonderlandgags13 le 27/09/2018

24/7 0044+(0)1892891450 and cellphone 0044+(0)7950258026 My voicebox fell out and got stuck in my throat I could not breathe started to black out after an epileptic fit of laughter after supermodel taylor 13 told me to #speaknow and I opened up a landline number for Alison Hathor-Sekhmet and there was a fault and the telephone company rang me and my daughter Goddess Queen Persephone was tucking her old man into bed with @LizaSwift photo on my bedside table to try and mind read what my @KillaQueenSwift got up to in Are You Ready for it middle of the night dreams and I had to talk in a high pitch voice like a tranie eunuch and I said I was Alice in Wonderland as I made Taylor Aphrodite goddess of love, beauty and sex and Persephone turns humans crazy with a beauty greater than Aphrodite and my daughter reads my mind and said @MarquessdaDaDa YOU NAUGHTY OLD PERVERT AS I WONDERED IF READING TAYTAYS MIND WAS A GOOD IDEA WHAT IF SHE GETS UP FOR A NIGHTIME PEE AND MY PYJAMAS SUDDENLY WENT DAMP I HAVE BEEN CELIBATE FOR 10 YEARS AND I USUALLY ATTRACT LESBIAN BI'S AND I GAVE UP MIND READING WHEN MARRIED TO KATY PERRY SHE ATTRACTS BLACK MONSTER COCKS 2 AT A TIME AND I ONCE WENT TO A PORN SITE TO SEE IT MY IDOL TAY EVER DID TOPLESS AND FOUND 2 PICS ON THE DARK NET OF MY WIFE GIVING A BIG STALLION HORSE A BLOWJOB AND PENETRATING HER AND IN NEARLY 5 YEARS OF MARRIAGE SHE NEVER EVEN LET ME TOUCH HER BUT USED TO SEND ME SEXY SEMI NAKED SELFIES FROM HER HOTEL SUITES WEARING 6 INCH LABOUTIN'S AND PRADA AND DOLCE & GABBANA AND VERSACE IN AMERICA REGULAR AND I HAVE WRITTEN THE BASSLINES AND DRUMBEATS FOR PRISM AND WITNESS AND GOT HER THE 2015 SUPERBOWL HALF TIME GIG AND I AM THE ONLY WHITE WRAPPER IN @WUTANGCLAN I INVENTED THE GREAT ROCK N ROLL SWINDLE SEX PISTOLS AND PUNK ROCK AND MANAGED EARLY DAVID JONES WHO WENT ONTO BECOME DAVID BOWIE THEN I THOUGHT HOW IS SHE TAKING HER SELFIES AND IN FRONT OF A MIRROR I ZOOMED IN AND THERE WAS ORLANDO BLOOM A PAEDOPHILE MK ULTRA DIAMOND BETA SEX KITTEN PROGRAM HANDLER MASTURBATING HIS 2 INCH COCK WITH MY WIFE'S IPHONE IN THE MIRROR REFLECTION SO BROKEN HEARTED I RANG RIRI'S EX MY BF AND AS BLOOMS MUM LIVES 20 MILES AWAY FROM US I ASKED IF HE KNEW BLOOM AND HE GOT A GCHQ MI5 REPORT AND SAID HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC SMACK HEAD WHO HAD HEPATITUS B AND HIV POS + FROM SHARING DIRTY NEEDLES IN HOLLYWOOD PUBLIC TOILETS WHERE HE WAS A GAY RENT BOY DOING UNPROTECTED ANAL DPS FOR SKAG BAGS FIXES AND HE WAS A DWARF CALLED PRINCE OF ELVES IN THE HOBBIT FILMS AND WAS MARRIED RECENTLY TO A HAS BEEN POP SINGER CALLED KATHERYN ELIZABETH HUDSON IN A PASSPORT SCAM IN PRAGUE AND HIS EX WIFE DIVORCED HIM FOR HAVING SEX WITH THEIR 7 YEAR OLD SON AND HAS A NEW YORK FLAT IN THE SAME BLOCK AS TAYLOR SWIFT IN NEW YORK AND JUSTIN BIEBER BEAT HIM UP IN AN LA RESTAURANT AFTER BLOOM WENT FOR HIM AFTER BIEBS BEDDED BLOOMS SUPERMODEL WIFE MIRANDA KERR (WHO IS ALSO MY DAUGHTER) AND JUST REMARRIED THE WHATSAPP CREATOR WHO AT THE END OF THE HONEYMOON SOLD IT FOR 7 BILLION DOLLARS TO MY SECRET SOCIETY FRIEND MARK ZUCKERBERGER AND BROKE BLOOM WHO SELLS HIS BODY FOR BOTTLE MONEY TO FEED HIS ALCOHOL ADDICTION AND THIS KATY HUDSON HAD COMPLAINED HER LOVE KORLANDO KABLOOM LATY BUBBADOO NEVER HAD ANY MONEY TO PAY TO WINE AND DINE HER HAVING FLOWN HIM TO ASPEN, CHILE, CANNES, SARDINIA, MALDIVES, NEW YORK, HAWAII, MEXICO, PRAGUE, PARIS, LONDON, TOKYO, BEIJING TO HOLLYWOOD LIFE SO KATY HAD TO PAY HIM $25 MILLION AFTER THEY GOT PAPPED BY LONG RANGE TELESCOPIC LENS ON A PADDLEBOARD WITH BLOOM STICKING HIS COCK IN KATY'S MOUTH IN THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA WHEN HE HAD CONTAGIOUS STAGE TERTIARY GONNEREAH AND THREATENED TO SEND THE NEGATIVES TO KATY'S HUSBAND IF SHE DID NOT BUY THEM FOR £25MILLION CASH WHO WAS AN EX TOP GUN RAF FIGHTER PILOT AND STILL IN THE PARACHUTE REGIMENT OF THE FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION AS A RESERVE AND IN 1985 WAS AWARDED THE HIGHEST FRENCH ARMY MEDAL LEGION D'HONNEUR FOR KILLING 148 CENTRAL AMERICAN GUERILLAS BEAR HANDED A DOUBLE BLACK BELT KUNG FU INSTRUCTOR OF THE SHAOLIN TEMPLE WHO 1983-87 REIGNED SUPREME AS THE BEST SHOT IN THE FRENCH ARMY 5 YEARS ON THE TROT WITH HIS SNIPER DESTRUCTEUR FR F1 7.6MM SHARPSHOOTER RIFLE WHERE HE CAN TAKE OUT AN EYEBALL FROM 1000 METERS AND WAS RUMORED TO HAVE BLOWN UP 300 IRAQI TANKS ON THE FRONTLINE OF THE OPERATION DESSERT STORM IN THE FIRST GULF WAR AFTER THE LEGION PARAS SPECIAL FORCES PARACHUTED BEHIND ENEMY LINES AND BEAT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION BOXER JOHN CONTEH BY A KNOCKOUT IN ROUND 1 OF A CHARITY FUNDRAISER AND IS LICENCE A TUE (LICENCED TO KILL) AND HIS BIO OF PAST GIRLFRIEND INCLUDES THE COUNTESS OF WESSEX, CAMERON DIAZ, MEG RYAN, PRINCESS STEPHANIE OF MONACO, VANESSA PARADIS, ANNA FRIEL, MADONNA, BEYONCE, RHIANNA AND HAD A PARIS APPARTMENT WHERE MADONNA LIVED BEFORE SHE BECAME FAMOUS AND NICOLE SHERZINGER, KATE MOSS, CLAUDIA SCHAFFER, NAOMI CAMPBELL, KARLIE KLOSS, JODIE FOSTER AND HIS FRENCH PASSPORT IS SAWDY 'TAYLOR' AFTER HE CHANGED HIS NAME IN HONOR OF HIS IDOL SINGER SONGWRITER TAYLOR SWIFT WHOM HE VOWED TO MARRY IF HE EVER MET AND STALKS HER ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND CLAIMS HE WOULD DIE FOR HER HE LOVES HER SO MUCH AND SAID SHE IS PRETTIER THAN ANY OF HIS PREVIOUS GIRLS IN A PARIS MATCH EXCLUSIVE WITH HIS SISTER QUEEN OF FASHN KATHARINE HAMNETT @LAHamnett VIDEO DIRECTOR GRAMMY WINNER FOR BON JOVI AND YOU WERE A LEGIONNAIRE JOHN DID YOU KNOW HIM HE SOUNDS LIKE A PREMIER LEAGUE SUPERMAN HIS BF IS CRISTIANO RONALDO WHO SAYS HE IS A BETTER FOOTBALLER THAN HIM OMG LORD PADLEY KNOW HIM, IAM HIM I NEVER MENTION MY BIO I REMAIN MODEST AND HUMBLE BUT I AM GONNA RID MYSELF OF THE KILLER QUEEN AND PUT ON BAD BLOOD FULL VOLUME AND TELL TAYGOD 'I'M READY FOR IT, DOES IT HURT, IS IT FREE AND RING ME I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER ON FIRST SIGHT AND I HAVE PUT A $1,000,000 CONTRACT OUT FOR A KATY LOOSE HEAD BATHED IN ACID SO NO ONE HAS TO KNOW AND SHH I AM BIGGER DOWNSTAIRS THAN KATY'S DARK HORSE STALLION 11 INCHES NORMAL GOD KNOWS WHAT IT WILL DO ON MY TAYGODS HONEYMOON NIGHT CAN TAY PACK HER FUJI INSTANT POLAROID CAMERA AND GIVE ME A GAG ON A PADDLEBOARD AND SHOW ME INCREDIBLE THINGS I WILL GIVE HER THE WORLD HONESTLY.

http://aliceinwonderlandgags13.centerblog.net

John Rumary le 27/09/2018

The Worshipful Household Artillery company guarded Royal fan club blog in honour of Sophie Rhys Jones 'Queen of Brenchley and Horsmonden Gun and Spitroast Inn' SS secret society formed 33AD to guard the throne of King of Kent Joseph of Arimethea on behalf of Jesus Christ of Nazareth for his birthday present on the 4th of April Easter Sunday 2019 when GOD will descend from heaven to launch the second coming of Jesus Christ of Palestine the King of Kent JesusMessiahZeus Gorgas Zeus head gardener of the New Jerusalem the garden of England and guardian of the Katy Apple tree of knowledge Bulmer Zeus Abbot of Bayham Abbey

http://katyperry666pute.centerblog.net

aliceinwonderlandgags13 le 01/10/2018

POSTS TSCTUKNET 13 ARCHIVE

DON’T LET THEM RAISE YOUR CHILDREN! (EDUCATION 2017)

image

@taylorswift @taylorswift13love Your majesty King of the Illuminati Jesus Christ Superstar ‘GODFATHER has made you the @illuminatizeitgeist @goddesshathorswift and the statue of liberty is now the Goddess Nemesis with @selenagomezgif-blog-blog as the blue flame of the torch of liberty to light up the dark of New York welcome 2 #1 track 1989 @1989 Album of the Century share and circulate please

love dad

http://aliceinwonderlandgags13.centerblog.net

aliceinwonderlandgags13 le 01/10/2018

POSTS TSCTUKNET 13 ARCHIVE

DON’T LET THEM RAISE YOUR CHILDREN! (EDUCATION 2017)

image

love dad

http://aliceinwonderlandgags13.centerblog.net

aliceinwonderlandgags13 le 02/10/2018

Play Video

Self-described feminists Emma Watson, Katy Perry, and Sophie Turner team up to engage in hardcore sex in the feminist music video above.

After pushing around the pathetically emasculated infidel men for decades, the feminist movement in the Western world achieved complete equality of rights back in the late 1960’s. Of course being women they were not happy with equality, and wanted to keep complaining until they had every privilege in society. With the effeminate kuffar men powerless to stop them, modern feminists like Emma, Katy, and Sophie degraded the West to the point were they now can claim that being tremendous whores getting plowed by strange dick on the regular is empowering.

Thankfully the logical conclusion of the feminist movement will be the calling for Sharia law. For once women have every conceivable freedom and are openly indulging in every imaginable vice they will realize how empty and unfulfilled their lives are, and they will demand the one and only true woman’s right… Which is of course the right to be oppressed by a powerful and virile Muslim man.

http://aliceinwonderlandgags13.centerblog.net

aliceinwonderlandgags13 le 02/10/2018

Play Video

Self-described feminists Emma Watson, Katy Perry, and Sophie Turner team up to engage in hardcore sex in the feminist music video above.

After pushing around the pathetically emasculated infidel men for decades, the feminist movement in the Western world achieved complete equality of rights back in the late 1960’s. Of course being women they were not happy with equality, and wanted to keep complaining until they had every privilege in society. With the effeminate kuffar men powerless to stop them, modern feminists like Emma, Katy, and Sophie degraded the West to the point where they now can claim that being tremendous whores getting plowed by strange dick on the regular is empowering.

http://aliceinwonderlandgags13.centerblog.net

aliceinwonderlandgags13 le 02/10/2018

Play Video

Self-described feminists Emma Watson, Katy Perry, and Sophie Turner team up to engage in hardcore sex in the feminist music video above.

http://aliceinwonderlandgags13.centerblog.net

katyperrypute666 le 02/11/2018

[Act 1 scene 222:] Enter PA to Apollo: KATHERYN ELIZABETH II HUDSON KATY PERRY III

http://katyperrypute666.centerblog.net

fakesetcumfakes le 04/11/2018

en exclu, katy perry & britney spears sont nues ensemble ...

http://fakesetcumfakes.centerblog.net

Anonyme le 07/12/2018

J aimerai tellement voire ca face recouverte de mon foutre.

porntostars2 le 22/12/2018

Reviendra tu un jour ?

http://porntostars2.centerblog.net

lescoquinesdecoquin le 27/02/2019

A quand les nouveaux articles mon ami ?

katyperry666pute le 01/04/2019

: http://ktperry.centerblog.net/4327-Katy-Perry

http://katyperry666pute.centerblog.net

porntostars2 le 08/04/2019

une bombe sexuelle , dommage tu a abandonner ton blog

http://porntostars2.centerblog.net

Anonyme le 05/05/2019

branle moi katty,

https://twitter.com/i/redirect?url=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Fi%2Ftopics%2Ftweet%2F1125630359905783808%3Fcn%3DZmxleGlibGVfcmVjc18y%26refsrc%3Demail&t=1+1557251470571&cn=ZmxleGlibGVfcmVjc18y&sig=2ed63432355fcf82ad97c34aaecec2dbbdff47ec&iid=b15a250476a849ada7ab77c1254521f0&uid=2903768627&nid=244+272699392

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

HOT!!! Katty Perry [Katheryn Elizabeth "Katy" Hudson]

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kadywicker · 7 years ago

Text

inifnity war spoilers ahead please leave now if u dont wanna see em

.....

............

....

.....

you had WARNING

anyway heres a rough outline of my thought process thru the movie from what i can remember

a dude walked in wearing a justice league shirt and it was the biggest power move of the evening

rip heimdall u truly were the hottest bitch in the mcu

i already saw the spoilers that loki died but im still in mourning. my chaotic twink son :( also him tearing up when thor was getting tortured was like, possibly, one of the worst things to happen to me this evening. and his “you will never be a god” and “we will see the sun rise again yet, brother” like i’d rather be dead.

wheres valkyrie you fucking bitches

i know marvel has been trying to make me care about pepper and tony for like.... the entirety of the mcu and in theory i enjoy it but in reality i just heavily do not care

walked into this w out watching dr strange bc i refuse to so seeing him was very unpleasant for me :/

the second that one fuckin... servant of thanos guy showed up that tony called squidward i just burst into fucking laughter bc oh my fucking god. he looks like one of the star wars prequels aliens. i didnt know how i was supposed to react to that??? what the fuck????? kin?

at least this time tony attempted to get peter away from the fight ig??? also like okay i kno its a running gag but did the russos have to make peter reference old movies like what 3 times in this movie and once in their last one like please..... Please. its done. its over!

look...... look. look! look. i have made MULTIPLE posts on this website about how ugly i think chris evans is. especially when hes got his weird short, spiky hair. ive made this very VERY clear. i thought i was clear on this, myself. but let me tell u the fuck what when steven grant rogers showed up covered in complete darkness and caught a spear that moves at the speed of light w no hesitation and then stepped out of the shadows i only had one thought: please raw me

also i still dont care about wanda and vision but did wandas accent get slightly less bad or is this just exposure

drax’s reaction to thor was um. Me. also it was this scene that made me realize that ppl saying that the russos reset thor to his previous characterization and that he was nothing like ragnarok thor i....????? hm???? idk i thought he was p in character from what we saw in ragnarok? like did u all expect him to be super light and happy go lucky immediately after his entire planet died and his brother died too like. what.... did u Want. hes still not as grimdark as dark world and he still has the ragnarok vibes but w added “Lifes a Fucking Nightmare So Im Going to Joke Until Someone Murders Me :)” which is just honest to god me, so

oh also in an above part when tony pulled out a flip phone to call steve the dude next to me loudly hissed “what? a fucking flip phone-?” and his wife shushed him. i wanted to lean over and inform him that it was the phone from civil war and if hed been paying ATTENTION he wouldve known that

things arent going to be in much order after this bc im tired and its all a big jumble in my adhd brain but thats okay. its been 6 years and i still couldnt tell u the entire plot of the avengers, so.

tbh the effects in this movie were really fucking gorgeous like.... all the different planets’ scenery was so goddamn beautiful. like idk how to spell it so im not gonna attempt but the planet that gamora died on was literally so fucking pretty i was stunned into a silence what the FUCK was that beautiful nonsense

not enough steve and bucky interaction bc marvels personally out to get me, a known gay

i cant believe buckys a fucking goat farmer like ohfa sdfhadof ?????? just let the man feed his goats in PEACE

didnt love the whole “thanos really loved gamora” bit but like it makes sense ig. if thats what he thought love was? altho that definitely doesnt mean she loves him or shouldve ever forgiven him bc uuuh Yikes. anyone w abusive parents knows that kind of possessive, overbearing love. and it might be some fucked up twisted form of it but it aint good.

but whoever they casted as baby gamora was spot on?

when red skull lifted his hood i literally whispered “oh my god” and the lady next to me started laughing at me.

also while there was a good amount of fighting i rlly appreciated that it wasnt All Fighting and just there to show off that they had cool special effects. like.... it was mostly story and for someone who doesnt give a shit abt action sequences it was v relieving that i didnt have to parse through 2 and a half hours of watching someone do cool but impractical stunts

man idc abt wanda and dont like mcu natasha bc of the actress but when that chick was like “youll die alone” and natasha said “shes not alone” and then kicked ass i rlly just. hm. thats lesbian.

anyone else agree that when strange said mournfully that there was only one outcome and then said that giving up the time stone was the only way, its basically just telling us that this was all planned and it Will work out fine bc he knew that this was the one path that would lead to them winning. like..... im at least 99% sure thats whats going to happen, here.

steve and bucky may have said 2 sentences to each other but steve reaching out to grab a handful of buckys ashes w a stricken look was literally the worst moment of my entire life and i plan to sue marvel for emotional damages bc that was fucking terrible and i cannot BELIEVE they made me watch that idc if bucky comes back im fuckin pissed

also thats literally every team iron man member to realize that the accords were bullshit and if its 2018 and u still think the accords were right/a good thing i honestly do not know what to tell you

fuckin..... im lookin at captain marvels powers and shes cool and all but hows she gonna save all this........ now im even more curious abt what her movies gonna bring like ???? hello??????

also the only time the theater clapped or cheered was when steve showed up and literally same

i know all the dust ppl r coming back but alsof uc kin......... that was brutal

idk i dont have much 2 add im very sleepy but

i liked it a lot and im excited for the next movie. there were some things that i thought were in poor taste but like..... thats what i expect from every marvel movie, so. im pleasantly surprised by how good this was. idk why but during it it kinda like.... it had the same vibes as return of the king????? like i dont know Why but it has a very.... lotr movie feel to it. but w the staple marvel jokes. idk how to feel about that. i think its good? im not sure. get back to me in a few days after the movie highs worn off and if i still like it then its got my stamp of approval.

#james.txt #iw spoilers #infinity war spoilers #literally do not click on that read more if u dont want major spoilers

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kuroandtheguys · 7 years ago

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QUOTES (as in things i’ve said, not necessarily original things but things ive said.) FROM MUN HIKARY,HER DAD AND CLASSMATES AS RP STARTERS:

"get your fuck boy out of my house"

"Listen here you fuck nugget"

"don't touch me you bafoon"

"leave the soul alone"

"WHERE IS SPACE DAD"

"i got some shoes from my drug dealer, i dont know what he laced them with but i've been tripping all day...."

"Sure thing Chew-Brocka"

"the beatings will continue until morale improves."

"looking to protect yourself or deal some damage?"

"The egg-salts?"

"much cheese cake"

"FIGHT ME"

"DO YOU FOLKS LIKE COFFEE!"

"baby,princess, dear,dearest. Do me a favorite and get your head out of my ass"

"Whats up gays!"

"Its 1 get the fuck up you lil shit"

"its a porch...not a deck....."

"when one plays the earth game twister one finds out more about the other's than they wanted"

"pain is your reward for being near me."

"oh it's the nasty crime boi"

"follow the yellow-dick road"

"these jokes arent the only thing that suck"

"stupid controls! I said walk to the side not jump off the cliff"

"_GET YOUR DICK OUT OF MY GODDESS!"

"Zarkon unhand my space father"

"sadness is merely a part of life."

"BON BON YOU WANT SUM FUC"

"they're gonna play Mario cart"

"that's how friendship dies"

"ID BE THE TINY ANGRY GUY, I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME"

"Space Dad jokes are out of this world"

"space dad part of a balanced breakfast"

" i wonder whats over here, oh its plot"

"not all wood resists magic damage"

"destroy us all!"

"i could pee in a bucket and tell him it's beer."

"i would fuck lance because who wouldn't"

"ITS BECAUSE IM A DEMON ISINT IT? THATS RACIST!"

" IF YOU LOVED ME YOUD KILL THE SPIDERS"

"Fite me!"

"fuck Shiro because, just look at him. Who wouldn’t?"

"I am tumblr senpai"

"Why is he grinding?!"

"They bonded by beating the shit out of eachother."

"ah ah put those grabby hands away." (wow without context that sounds really dirty)

"if I have social anxiety and YOU have social anxiety then who's going to order the food?"

"now if they made space dad shaped mac and cheese i wouldnt mind so much"

"it could be 1 of 2 things metal leg or morning wood"

"i like chicks not dicks"

"why cant you just say vagina?"

"Ok so if you ever need a break from your mech with a watersport kink let me know."

"I love you" "dude thats gay..." "we are litterly having sex"

"watch your mouth you little shit"

"yes daddy dearest"

"COME HERE MY SPACE CHILD"

"Let me hug you space child"

"i must adopt this lost space child"

"soft and warm space dad"

"omg your so extra"

"hgn those claws he could just rip me apart"

"we can go inside"

"i wouldn't want to expose you"

"he's see more of your girlfriend than you have"

"we had a bonding moment i punched you in the face!"

"I ate my school"

"this limp noodle"

"PRAISE MUNWAY"

"You wanna ride my huge dragon"

"and i don't know....somethin' bout friendship..."

"Tid be a pitty if i killed him off"

"you've been shanked" "..with a ruler..."

"did you just giggle your boobs at me?"

"It was an earth shattering shit"

"I am the pumpkin gardian"

"Hold my beer and watch this mother fucker

"Careful nuts make you swell, just ask your sister"

"My dad the crack dealer"

"balls deep in an au"

"Don't fuck on my expensive leather couch you cunts"

"He's a perceptive hoe"

"blubbering balls of teenage awkwardness"

"What can I say except~ FUCK OFF"

"I am the alpha dad"

"thats a kick in the danger clam"

"your gonna get your weiner stuck in the baby gate"

"I'm taking you back to the pound"

"I'm so sorry the princess had his feelings hurt"

“Hey demons, it’s ya boi, Satan. Give me the homie back”

"my name is stan, im satan"

"I Came Here For A Good Time And All I Got Was Porn"

"it went from warm to freezing because snow miser is shitting on us"

"Near death can be fixed with ducktap"

"I don't remember what I did with my pants"

"It smells" "You smell" "Your face smells" "You almost got punched I'm the face"

"Bueno bear"

"MAKE THAT ANGST YOUR BITCH"

“Gently bullied him into submission”

*Holds up fishing pole and bubbles* hookers and blow.

"To hard, to thick. I'd get hair stuck in my teeth" "...don't ever say that in public."

"Even lesbians like babies"

"My dad is like a fun vampire"

You are a steampunk blood warrior with a plan"

"You are a steampunk blood warrior with a flan"

"You've been hit by you've been struck by a smooth lesbian"

"You just made the inquisitior gay" "Yes" 5 minutes later "So what else us on the table" "The inquisitior"

"Did...did you just call the Cat a butt plug?"

"not like that you kinky fuck"

"kinky princess Matthew holt and his fluffy sidekick Mr whiskers."

"DONT MAKE ME KINKSHAME YOU AGAIN" "MAYBE YOU'LL KINKSHAME ME HARD THIS TIME"

"I'm gay and I'm ready to party"

"You founded a country on cocaine and prostitution?"

"You know what looks delicious" "What" "Your tight ass" "Your a hoe, like ben" "_ lemme smash"

"Human Sacrifice is always an option if you aren't a weak little bitch."

"Last time you had an imaginary friend I'm pretty sure it was a demon"

" I don't want to be propositioned by you in private!"

"Don't vore the dogs"

"Surely not everyone was kung-fu fighting" "They were" "..we're they fast as lightning?" "No they were slow, Tai Chi mother fucker"

"There’s a train of thought but it’s been de railed and Billy the kid robbed it."

"Shes just where burgers go to die"

"Im a priest to our lady of sin and this is my seeing eye dragon"

"Hello nightmares my old freind"

"they took some scaly lizard dick"

"I would go to Satan jazz club"

"Gandalf the off white"

"Stop kicking my puppy"

"You sleep darted that man in the dick"

"i didn't hit puberty...i just kinda shook it's hand"

"Tall, dark, warm and edgy. The perfect dad"

"Cerberus thinks he's a lap dog"

"thank god for incredible upper body strength"

"No ship wars. I multi ship like an adult" "Am I an adult I poly ship?" "Yes"

" my flaccid dagger"

"He's running around like a squirrel on crack"

"Could you please acidenly flex somewhere else your distracting me"

"It is the first day of Christmas fucker"

"Don't make me beat ypu with egg nog"

"Why did it suddenly become British?"

"You've been BLUNDERSTRUCK"

"Slav tellaported from another dimension to punch you in the arm"

"Floating kingdom of dabalon"

"I like my nightshade pomegranate flavored"

"dont dab on my boobs"

"The first vampire ran into the sun"

"I need a pocket sendak"

"Four score and 7 years ago our founding pirates"

"Been fueling up on....."

"Life is a highway?"

"the lyrics are coke and whiskey dumb ass"

"all i want for Christmas is the dreamiest daddy."

"HAIL KURO"

"patience yields fucking"

"Gray haired man on a house coming through" "I tottally thought you said gay haired man"

"Oh... mood"

"You wrap presents like a blind t rex"

"i take a look at me enormous-"

"white privilege."

"I swear to all of the gods I'm going to climb you like a fucking vine"

"The pellar, he uh.... loves his goat"

"whispers goat fuckerrrr"

"sleeping with slytherins" "dont you mean sirens?" "same fucking thing"

"No one told you life was gonna be this-" "Gay?"

"I am truly the hobo on top of the polar express" "No your the homo ontop of the polar express" "Can't she be a homo hobo?"

"Kinkshame me harder"

“Kinkshame me harder spicy papa”

"Male griffin returns and is like what the fuck did you do to my wife"

"WITH YOUR SHAG CARPET ID BE GETTING HAIR BALLS"

"Drug cloud please disperse"

"Just cause I'm gay dosent mean the cake needs to be"

"BITCH I OUTRANK YOU"

"Just cause I'm gay dosent mean the cake needs to be"

"Right in the paw patroler"

"Stuffed em up Mr patato head's butt"

"feed me"

"i swear if you start singing-"

"must be blood"

"here she gose again"

"must be fresh"

"i dont wanna hear this"

"FEED ME, FEED ME SEYMORE~"

"Get on the fucking dragon or I will leave you in this tower"

"Vivia le roi" "LONG LIVE THE REVALUATION" "No.... long live the king"

"I'm a senior my vote counts more"

"I am gentle snek"

"The boner wizzard is a girl" "That's a dragon" "Girl dragon"

"my father the actual 5 year old" "thats right 5 times a whole bunch"

"why..... is your icon a crotch buldge?"

"Layers" "Like an oinion" "Yes and their all gonna make you cry"

"You blushing" "I'm pasty and I burn in the sun anytime I go out." "So your burned..?" "Yes fucker"

"You should be careful dancing around with those daggers when I'm throwing fire" "It won't hurt me. It's friendly fire"

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themanicgalaxy · 4 years ago

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SPN 1X20 Dead Man’s Blood

this sounds vaguely like a plot episode, so uh let’s see how this goes

god i can’t believe this is only the second episode I’ve been able to watch this weekend, I am a Failure

So this Mr. Elkins guy looks like he might be a Hunter? maybe?

ooo lady in leather jacket

I don’t care if she’s evil, she’s pretty

Please don’t tell me Mr. Elkins is their “dinner plans”

HER EYES CATCH ON THE LIGHT LIKE A CAT THAT’S SUCH A COOL EFFECT

Ah silver bullets, ok VAMPIRE TIME BABIEEEEEE

Listen, Vampires sexy and I can’t bring myself to watch Vampire Diaries, this is what I got

Dean is trying to get Sam to go back to Sarah ha

DO IT SHE’S BADASSSSS

ok see the fact that Dean just knew he saw the name Elkins in his dad’s journal: how many times has he read that journal??

Also the way he just Knew it was a Colorado area code, that’s a cool skill, I want that skill

also I was right, hunter, but yeah he had the journal with the symbols and such, it was kinda obvious

the ~spooky figure~ is watching them

is it john? it’s john isn’t it

I like this “detective work outside the law” vibe,

with the etching of the scratches and the paper and the blood on the other side? ah yes the Good Shit

oh look it’s John I did not miss him

The “Sam argues with dad while Dean gets quiet” is....I don’t know how to say it, but older siblings tend to do it

it’s familiar is my point

*cinema sins voice* “If you’re reading this I’m dead cliche” DING

yOu wOn’T knOw it’S a VampiRE these motherfuckers wear all leather and their eyes glint when the light catches them, it’s not that hard?

okok lore: thought to be extinct, cross or stake do nothing, real bloodlust and the fangs are more spiky dentures that grow in

I like the fact that the myth gets garbled and no one’s entirely sure what’s going on, that feels very realistic

Dean: vampires...gets funnier every time I hear it

Boi wait till u meet ur angel bf

oOO John’s comments about ruining the car hit, you can tell, sibling thinks it’s nothing, fucking CHRIST

I hate John

"treats us like children” flhasofa

“you’re ok with entirely surrendering to dad” “if that’s what it takes” SFDHAPSI DEAN OH MY GOD UR DAD SUCKS

vampire wears a cross as a “fuck you” I think? That’s pretty badass

“wait for Luther the Vampire” great that’s certainly a Name for the vampire king or whatever

The captive girl spit in his face, good for her

I mean she’s probably gonna die but whatever at least she’s got some kind of something

This luther vampire guy looks like an eboy

HE’S GOT THE FUCKING ASIAN TATTOOS TO PROVE IT AHAHAAH

Dean is playing peacekeeper that’s Unfortunate and it SUCKS

the “YOU SAID DON’T COME BACK’ ADSFHASIPFSIP

force feeds her blood with a...lesbian kiss...I feel like as far as humanizing lgbt people this did not do a good job at that

I mean again, super mega hell, it’s not like I’m that surprised

oh yay beheading time

is John gonna stick around the rest of the season? Noooo

At least he dies

“yes Sir,” DEAN HE’S NOT A SIR STOP THAT

oooo Old Hunter Lore from the 1830s and the pentacle insignia, that’s pretty cool

they’re really just...gonna walk in there....

why the fuck do they sleep in hammocks that’s like the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard

UR VAMPIRES GO GET YOUR COFFINS

And of course, the vampire leader sleeps in a bed, what lore are they even drawing from here

The drinking vampire blood IS something from actual lore, from what I can tell, but it’s like....kinda jumbled? so they’re picking and choosing

although that is how most lore things work

oh god Sam and John 1 on 1 I don’t like this

Ok so John did plan for college? then what was his Damage

“stopped being your father, became your drill sergeant” YEP YEP THAT’S IT THAT’S NOT HOW YOU PARENT

this sounds like Hargreeves. Or my dad sometimes, depending on his mood

god i hope no one ever sees this

Dean’s really the only one that hasn’t had a love interest die in a horrible way yet has he

Cas get in here

“whatever happened to that college fund” “Spent it on ammo”

F U C K

Are...they...using Dean as bait? is that the plan

dead man’s blood? oh that’s a COOL AS SHIT ELEMENT I LIKE THAT

vampires...mate for life? WHAT??

I feel like Sam also wants the family to be together but has no way to handle it like Dean might

poor older sibling syndrome

OHO? DEAN STANDS UP TO HIM?

THE FUCKING VOICE QUIVERS WHEN HE SAYS “all due respect, that’s a bunch of crap...you sent us on these trips yourself....you can’t be that worried about us”

F U C K

DEAN JUST WANTS HIS FATHER NOT TO DIE?? AFTER EVERYTHING?

JOHN YOU SELFISH PRICK

SIBLING SOLIDARITY YESYES Y E S STAND UP TO YOUR DAD TOGETHER

Ah fuck I’m either tearing up or there’s something stuck in my throat

This fucking vampire with the sideburns what the hell

“boo” Smacks with baseball bat

Have I mentioned how much I love Dean? I don’t think I have yet, I love him

THE EYES GLOWING IS STILL SO GOOD AND CRYPTID-Y

at least the lady is wearing something nice

does the Rage Switch and Bloodlust and Sexiness just fucking happen? what the fuck?

Luther the Vampire has a nice jacket, that’s a nice blue jacket with accents

oh John’s getting pummeled? should i care

ah wait this is gonna hurt the characters I actually care about, I guess I’ll halfheartedly root for him

oh for CHRIST’S SAKE YOU PICK N O W TO START THE “we have as much right as you do to live” Debate when you LITERALLY MADE THEM STRAIGHT UP CORRUPTY VILLAINS AND FRAMED THEM THAT WAY THE ENTIRE TIME? IS THE POINT YOU’RE N O T SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT IT? WHAT THE FUCK

did sam just say sir? and Dean not?? CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT or SOMETHING??!!

ok listen, the “We’ll go together” Sam smile, Dean looking dead/dissociating as they say yes sir? hits DIFFERENT

Ok uh wrap up?

1. Vampire lore was HELLA interesting, with the eyes glowing, dead man’s blood, second set of fangs cool. The “mate for life” thing was WEIRD, and how garbled the myth got was kinda the point so I liked it right up until the end. The one strange thing is the woman acted INSTANTLY evil once she got turned, and then they framed like people trying to live their lives was a bad thing by reinforcing it both with the visuals and the story. So like 10/10 except for the last ten minutes(hell I’ll even take the hammocks, that was kinda funny), which were just...why

actually speaking of lore, the hunter network lore and stuff was also really fun, I liked that. Again, all good except for the ending bit as far as lore

2. John....fuck john....fuck him so much I hate him so much what the hell

3. In all honesty, we haven’t gotten a lot of Dean recently, and getting that again(with that killer performance holy SHIT) is just? Oh my god?? The way they both handle being with their dad in different ways? Dean playing peacekeeper and desperately trying not to rock the boat because the oldest tends to get more shit? the hardcore dissociation at the end????

Listen I’m an older sister, of course I’m gonna project at least a little bit, leave me alone he’s my favorite emotionally stunted character

I guess we’re coming up on the end of the season, and tbh, the only good part about this is that it means john will die soon. That’s gonna be a Time. ok, till next time wheeeeee

#pawswatchesspn #1x19 Dead Man's Blood #seriously vampire lore was great i love vampire lore #i'm a castlevania stan first and a person second leave me alone #my fav character is trevor...wow I have a type don't I #ok time to go to sleep before I keep spewing more vampire meta

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marmelade-sky · 7 years ago

Text

When Dreamers tell stories

promptfilling :) so, @dollopheadsandclotpoles requested:

“Any pairing. One is a member of the royal family and one is a peasant that snuck into the castle to steal something and is caught by said member of the royal family “

I took a bit of artistic freedom with this one because this idea just popped into my head and I thought it would be fun. Enjoy :) (please excuse the lame fairytale narrative. I’m bad with fantasy.)

prompt me Raven Cycle stuff! As I’m down with a flu and feeling a bit bad mentally, I need some fluff or smut in my life? :) ♥ any pairing!

read here on ao3/if you’re on mobile

“Someone should tell a story!” Blue licks chocolate and marshmellow off her fingers, and both Gansey and Henry watch her do it, Henry with a faint smirk, Gansey with, what Ronan calls “fucking heart-eyes”.

“Go ahead, then.”, Ronan snarls. He’s leaning into Adam’s side casually, with Adam’s arm slung around him.

“Nuh-uh.” Blue wiped her hand on her distaster of a skirt. It looks like it has been sewed together from two differen skirts, one side green suede, the other black denim, now smeared with chocolate and spit. “I’m a bad story-teller.”

“Ronan knows some stories.” Adam’s voice fits the soft, gently wind caressing their naked arms.

Ronan sits up and glares at his boyfriend. “Fucking traitor, Parrish!”

Adam just smirks. “It’s true, though.”

Gansey holds up his hands. “Okay, come on, leave him alone if he doesn’t want to.”

Ronan doesn’t want to, but Gansey defending him like this is worse.

“Yeah, I bet the stories aren’t even that great.” Henry grins and quickly tucks his legs back before Ronan can kick him. Blue snorts, and immediately joins in this childish and effective taunting. “Yeah, he’s probably not even that good of a storyteller!”

“Yeah, right, you want a story?” Ronan squares his shoulders, “...I’ll give you a story.”

Henry and Blue immediately start hollering and whooping, Gansey smiles mildly and Adam laughs softly, reaching out and running the palm of his head over the shaved back of Ronan’s head.

Ronan sits up straight, leaning forward slightly. He tries to channel his inner Niall Lynch, the entertainer, the storyteller.

“Alright, so our story begins with... a prince who lives in a castle on a hill.” Blue immediately starts clapping her tiny hands, probably excited that it’s a princess and not a prince. Ronan gives her a toothy grin before he goes on.

“The prince-”

“You need to start with ‘once upon a time’.”, Henry interrupts him. “These are the rules, Lynch.”, he adds when Ronan glares at him. Blue and Gansey nod.

Ronan huffs. “Alright, shitsticks, once upon a time, a prince lived in a castle on a hill. The prince’s name was...” He pauses for dramatic effect, then, with a very serious expression, goes on. “...Ansey.”

Everyone snorts at once, Blue patting Gansey’s thigh while Gansey good-naturedly rolls his eyes at Ronan. “Ha-ha.”

“Hush, children.”, Henry urges the others and leans back against a tree trunk behind him.

Ronan, with all the grace he can muster, waits until they’re quiet again, and then goes on. “Prince Ansey lived in his castle, with his parents, the king and the queen, and his sister, Elen. When the time came that Elen was supposed to be wed, she told her parents to suck it, because, alas, she was a huge lesbian.”

He pauses again to give them a moment for their laughter. A grin tugs on his own lips.

“So, the king and the queen had to find another solution to ensure their bloodline would go on.”

Ronan can see how Gansey is almost popping a vein in his forehead to stop himself from correcting Ronan about the historical accuracy. It was a fun sight.

“So the king and the queen decided that prince Ansey would have to be the one to marry someone of status and give them beautiful, snobby grandbabies with a pretentious vocabulary.”

“Aw...”, Blue cooes and pats Gansey’s cheek. He rolls his eyes again.

“...and so, the king and queen started picking out potential brides for the prince, all of them blonde and beautiful with huge boobs.” Ronan cups his own chest with both his hands. Adam slaps him. “They were all over the prince, throwing themselves at the prince willingly.”

“I’m starting to like this story.”, Henry smirks and reaches behind Blue to ruffle Gansey’s hair. Gansey has blushed just slightly.

“It was mayhem.”, Ronan goes on dramatically, “So many females, with so many breasts and...-” He looks backwards at Adam for more suggestions.

“Butts? Legs?”, Adam supplies helpfully. Ronan points at him. “...exactly. The prince was thoroughly overwhelmed because he was a bit bad with girls.”

Everyone snorts again.

“But...”, Ronan sighs deeply, as if he is about to tell the saddest story ever known to man, “none of them managed to charm the prince’s heart.”

Now it’s Henry who “aw”-es.

“That’s so sad!” Blue’s grin doen’t fit her words at all. It was smug, probably because she could predict what Ronan would come up with next.

“While the royals were busy throwing parties and arranging marriages, someone else saw their chance. This story isn’t only about our prince, it’s also about a thief, a master-thief, so to speak. Her name was... Lue.”

Blue yelps in delight and sits up straighter. Gansey is heart-eyeing her again.

“Lue had been looking for a chance to steal the crown jewels for quite some time.”, Ronan goes on. Behind him, Adam and moves his hand so he’s gently gripping Ronan’s thigh.

“Lue had stolen many things in her life, using the profits she made to feed the poor and organically grow buckwheat or some shit people ate in the middle ages.”

“Barley.”, whispers Gansey.

“Go on!”, Blue urges with an excited smile.

“So, Lue saw her chance, and decided she would take the opportunity. The next night, she dressed up as a servant, and made her way up to the castle on the hill. She managed to get in with her impeccable thief-skills, and posed as a servant, waiting for the right moment to steal away, and look for the crown jewels. When the king and the queen were appropriately drunk, Lue seized the moment and sneaked out of the kitchen and into the vast hallways of the castle. She knew the jewels were well-hidden, but she also knew she was the best thief in all of the country. She looked in the crown room, in the king’s and queen’s quarters, in the guest room and every other fucking room those castles had back then.”

Ronan, with pleasure, watches Gansey bite his lip.

“She was getting agitated, because she could not find them, and so she decided to look in the broom closets, too. She opened the first she could find, and was met with a peculiar sight: the prince, hiding in the closet.”

Adam chuckles slowly behind Ronan. Henry dons a mock-shocked expression and a fake gasp.

“ ‘what are you doing in there?!’ “, Ronan does the best bad impression of Blue’s voice, then switches in a fake bass voice and a bad, posh accent, “...’Hiding from all these female women who want to marry me!’“

Everyone laughs and Ronan’s heart swells. But just a little. Just a tiny little bit.

“And as Lue and the prince looked at each other there, they both realized: holy shit.”

Gansey cheesily wraps his arm around Blue, and she leans into him with an equally as cheesy smile. Her other hand reaches out for Henry.

“’What are you doing here?’, the prince asked, and stepped out of the closet.” Henry snorts.

“‘I’m trying to steal your crown jewels.’, Lue replied, ‘but maybe I could steal you instead.’ Lue had realized that this prince would be much more precious to her than any jewels, and Ansey realized that this thief lady would be his chance to get away. So he let her whisk him away. They sneaked out of the castle on the hill, dodging blondes, and then lived happily ever after on Lue’s organic buckwheat farm.”

They were quiet for a moment.

Adam said: “That was kind of anti-climatic.”

Ronan said: “Shut your mouth, Parrish.”

Blue said: “It was sweet.”

Gansey just smiled and pressed a kiss to Blue’s hair.

Henry said: “Next time, you need to tell us a story about how Ansey and Blue meet the local beekeeper.”

“Fuck, no.” Ronan leans back in Adam’s arms, and then looks up into the sky. “...I need a drink.”

Later, when they’re in bed, Adam curls into his side, his fingertips tracing patterns over Ronan’s skin.

“...you told the story badly on purpose.”

Ronan grunts. “...fuck, yeah. I don’t want them to get used to that, me telling them stories. It’s bad enough when I have to do it for Opal every night.”

Adam just smiles because he knows Ronan secretly enjoys it.

#pynch #sarchengsey #ronan lynch #adam parrish #richard campbell gansey iii #blue sargent #bluesey #promptfill #prompt me #trc #Raven Cycle #raven boys #fluff #the raven cycle

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vitalmindandbody · 7 years ago

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5 BS Concoction Gwyneth Paltrow And Alex Jones Both Shill

I believe you can tell a lot about a personality by the products they shill. Michael Jordan was some sort of plays guy, so he wanted you to buy hyper-expensive Nike shoes. Jamie Lee Curtis assumes you have trouble shitting, so she developed yogurt. And if Larry the Cable Guy doesn’t feed straight Prilosec, he turns into a Xenomorph. The two luminary endorsers I find the most interesting are Alex Jones and Gwyneth Paltrow. Though they’re about as different as you can possibly get on the surface, both have put together profitable slope business … in a lot of specimen, selling the exact same situations. Jones exchanges( and claims to take) so many augments that I have a theory he’s actually a beanbag chair substance with capsules, while Paltrow is more generally into anything that resonates dumb. But strangely, they do share some common ground. For instance …

They Both Crave Your Teenagers To Shut UP FOR FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES

Infowars Sells:

Alex Jones accuses “modern mind control” — which is everything from music to sugar to unspecified globalist brews — on teenagers being unable to focus and pacify the inferno down. Fortunately, he’s here to force-feed your children catnip and lemon ointment in hopes of allowing you precious fucking instants of peacefulnes to scrapbook all of the excellent occasions you’ve had with your them.

In the commercial for Child Ease, Alex Jones ascribes himself with developing it, while also territory, “Young humans has still not developed their nervous system.” Which prepares me wonder his credentials as an inventor of things that go inside a child’s organization. He knows we’re born with nervous system, right? Likewise, saying “young humans” builds him sound like an alien. If you took the Child Ease commercial-grade and had Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama chronicle it, it would prepare infinitely more sense.

Goop Sells:

Chill Child is a “calming mist” which somehow use sonically tuned masterpiece elixirs and Reiki-charged crystals to “get your kiddos to chill.” It may ogle exactly like what you would use to spray irrigate on a feline to get it off your kitchen bar, but you’re not supposed to do now spraying it instantly on small children. And for the love of god do not tell them inhale it, that would be crazy . It goes on their halo. I can only assume that once the child’s halo is sufficiently coated in this mist, it expires, leaving your child an auraless husk and you free to do Pilates.

I’m pretty sure “sonically chanted masterpiece elixirs” is code for some rocks Gwyneth Paltrow sing to. Nonetheless, mining a little deeper, I found that it’s practice dumber than that. Both “moonlight” and “love” are legitimately listed as ingredients. I can’t promotion but consider all this spraying will do is establish hollering sticky children somewhat chamomile-scented, which I suspect is technically further improvements. At least you’ll be allowed to smell them coming, so you have time to hide.

They Both Crave You To Experience Big, Meaty Boners

Infowars Sells:

Via Infowars

Super Male Vitality utilizes something announced extraction technology, along with various herbs and removes, to give you a super good boner. Just request Boner King Alex Jones, or this commercial-grade, which features Alex Jones announcing a humanity doing a push-up “unprecedented.”( Something that I premise is 100 percent genuine for Alex Jones .)

You determine, according to Alex Jones, who is to boners what Jesus was to Lazarus, someone is putting “estrogen mimickers” in the nutrient and water supply, who the hell is werewolfing gentlemen into the worst possible thing he can imagine: wives. Simply Alex Jones can save you from this horrible fate. So if you’re afraid your dick will shrivel up and fall off, thus robbing you of the one thing retaining you sane in this mad, effeminate world-wide, turn to Alex Jones for not just sorcery boner-giving liquid, but too magic boner- obstructing liquid. It’s $ 50, and I hope you suffocated on it.

Goop Sells:

Via Goop

Sex Dust sounds like an STD that’s going around a nursing home. Who could think “Sex Dust” is a good name for- oh, anticipate, she appointed her business “Goop.” She appointed one of her children “Apple.” I’m pretty sure Gwyneth doesn’t even register “sex” or “dust” as real words.