#He will always be a cyborg creeper man to me

[ghosthecopier]

Dudes.

Bros.

I just found out I have the same birthday as doc.

My friends was just looking at what tv stars she share her birthday with and I got curious so I looked mine up, and there he was.

I have never actually seen docs face before, so I scrolled past it at first before the name caught up to me.

[sporelings-au]

How did mother spore meet her lovely hubby?

@whatmoredoyouwangfromme

again, my eng aint that great so if there's any confusion, ask me and i'll clear it up as best as i can ^^;

---

so doc's a creeper and goat hybrid that is being kept alive by machinery. (why? idk yet lol. maybe bc he fought god or he exploded before idk)

He left his hometown in search of some place else to live in (why? again, the author is just incompetent at making up stories ><)

He set sail in a boat and ended up crashing into mother spore's island. Mother immediately sensed him and thought it was a HEP agent. He went to check out what happened only to find doc lamenting about his ruined ship. And mother is immediately intrigued.

he's never seen someone like doc before. A creeper and goat hybrid? the very idea is laughable to mother. But here doc stands, trying to salvage what was left of his ship.

Mother is even more intrigued of doc when it seems that her mycelium and fungus doesn't affect doc at all.

like i said, doc's half cyborg, so whatever machinery that's keeping him alive also disintegrates any bacteria- or in this case, mycelium spores from entering his system. Making him fully immune to mother spore's influence.

So, mother spore decided to play around with doc to test his abilities. She would make the mushrooms on her island shift and move around, confusing doc about his whereabouts (and also making sure doc doesn't get close to the mansion).

Then, she would send out her sporelings to play tricks with doc by placing traps. (the sporelings and mother would remain unseen by doc throughout all this)

but doc's a smart guy. Doc would stop trusting his surroundings and instead count his steps to determine where he is and make sure he doesnt get lost. He's also getting better at recognizing if there's a trap laid out for him and disarming them.

Mother would then get more and more frustrated by doc outsmarting him but at the same time very impressed by doc actually surviving and adapting on his island.

the sporelings would then get careless with making sure doc doesn't see them and one day, doc caught ren.

Doc saw ren wagging his tail while laying down traps and he picked ren up like a kitten, surprising both ren and mother. Mother was about to charge in and kill doc but stop bc doc just placed ren back down, letting him run away.

now, mother spore is even more curious about doc.

slowly, doc uncovered all the sporelings one by one.

and with every sporeling he caught, the closer to the mansion mother would allow him to get.

then one day, doc got to the mansion and mother spore is in front of it, waiting to give doc a final test.

Mother spore invites doc into the mansion for tea but doc politely declines, knowing the moment he set foot into the mansion, he would instantly become a dead man.

And mother spore was like "smart and polite. I like you." and let him leave the island scot-free.

But doc doesn't leave. Well, he would occasionally, to get supplies but he would always return to the island.

The sporelings would then get comfortable around doc and started to actually really like him and accept him as a part of their mushroom family.

mother and doc would also bond with each other and get really close. But each time mother invites him in for tea, doc would still decline.

until one day, when mother invites doc in for tea again, doc actually accepted.

Doc can't get infected by the mycelium, but mother made sure the food and drinks he gave doc that day weren't laced with mycelium anyways.

[mayflowers07]

Docm77 is EASILY the most valid pick for the ultimate MCYT Tumblr sexyman, which I will prove using previous well established tropes of what defines a Tumblr Sexyman, taken from Wikipedia itself.

Let me begin:

What is more white then a forty year old German man? He has inhuman traits for the monster fuckers out there that are maintained in the fan arts (creeper skin) but other then that, he’s pretty always much drawn as a muscular dude.

Doc is THE evil mad scientist of the server. Are we forgetting this is the man who created the virus that destroyed season 8? The big bad government from season 6?

Combining that with the fact that Doc has special defining characteristics- being a cyborg- he is a textbook definition of the Bad Boy, Science but Evil and Sexy trope

As discussed previously, Doc canonically has not one, but two skins that are him in suits (butler!Doc, Area77!Doc). Need I say more?

What are different seasons of Hermitcraft if not Alternate Universes?

Thank you you coming to my Ted Talk

[ambrosiachoney]

Do you have any interesting headcanons about the Hermits? Hybrid species, sexual preferences, etc? 👀

- 🌶️

Ooh interesting headcanons...

Not really a headcanon, but I like thinking about what if, for some reason, Skizz and Doc get into some tomfoolery together- like that's immovable object vs unstoppable force kind of energy-

let me explain;

Doc, usually percieved as pretty much always a dom/top. He's a big creeper cyborg! That's not the kind of dude who gives up control easily! That man likes taking care of people, making them cry and fester with their emotions or provide a distraction to whatever they were doing.

Skizz, who prefers being a dom/top, but in the right situations would also sub/bottom for somebody. Usually that'd be a much more relaxed, cuddly scenario.

So they've shown interest in each other, Doc thinking Skizz has come to him for, y'know, the kind of stuff he's used to doing for other hermits. Now, don't get him wrong, he loves doing that for them, and he wouldn't do it if he didn't enjoy it, but it takes a little bit to get into the right headspace, to plan things in advance, to find the right words with each person- it's a whole thing.

He's pretty ready to take care of Skizz in his own way, he knows it'll probably be a little experimental and awkward like it always is with a first time... But Skizz isn't like the other hermits. They're slowly getting into it, having hung out beforehand, lazily making out and getting used to each others styles, and then Skizz escalates it. He runs his hand through Doc's fur, then softly tugs him back, whispering to him, "I'll take care of you,baby-" and "How would you like me?" to which Doc just absolutely bluescreens.

Anyway- it's a very fun thought, and I want this to exist- but I've been a little busy with my own projects XD So I haven't had the time to write or draw it yet...

[trrickytickle]

OVERWATCH- tickle headcanons and thoughts!

This was requested by one certain @somethingticklish! His blog is NSFW (like, extremely though) so proceed w caution hehehhahaahhah. ANYWAYS IT'S OVERWATCHING TIME!!! throwback to when I would play with my friends hahahshss.

Anyways, there's so much tickle potential in this franchise bro. YAYYYYY OVERWATCHHHH

Sombra/Olivia Colomar

-Sombra is an absolutely ruthless ler!!! Her personality and penchant for hacking and scheming make this the TRUTH- she's so freaking mean like look at her gyuys.

-As a ler, Sombra utilizes her fast typing fingers... woof, those gloves. THOSE GLOVES MAN OH MY FUCKING GOD. She relishes in her lee's laughter, and will often cackle alongside them. When teasing, she always makes cheeky comments, whether it be snide remarks about "hacking into their system" or remarking things about their reactions and her observations around them. Def cracks her knuckles, wiggles her fingers etc in preparation to tickle others.

-Her favorite lees are the ones that are hard to crack. Tough guys (....REAPER HAHHAHAHGDVHGSVHJVSJ) who show stoicism, people with an impenetrable attitude (rhymes with creeper) and Reaper. I need to stop getting carried away with this lee Reaper agenda.

-As a kid, she wasn't tickled often due to her upbringing. Her addiction to hacking made her a sort of recluse- and her manipulative personality made it hard to approach people. You'd be surprised to find that she's ticklish at all. When tickled, she has a deep, loud laugh, and she will thrash and squirm away from her lee VEHEMENTLY. She absolutely hates being tickled, but is a menace, ranging from a little troll to an absolute actual sadist when tickling others.

Cole Cassidy

-A huge switch. Uses his Southern drawl to tease and taunt his lers, and his experience with sharp-shooting to persicely tickle.

-However, there's only a select few lees he tickles, and one of those is Ashe- their tickle fights are legendary.

-He's an adorable lee, with a hearty but giggly laugh, and many reactions, will verbally protest a lot.

-BEARD TICKLES would be legendary holy shit. When teasing uses those like, southernisms like "puddin'" and like... ler Cassidy man he'd be so much fun!!

Genji Shimada

(shout-out to my real life friend who's an absolute FOOL for the cyborg- you know who you are!)

-After his reconstruction, he's only ticklish in some places- but his cyborg technology allowed for some weaknesses to be exposed.

-During his robotization, Mercy had accidentally tickled him a few times.

-Teases in Japanese as a ler- and as a lee, will express his displeasure and react to tickling in the language.

-Kiriko and Hanzo know where he's most ticklish, and Kiriko tended to take advantage of the fact while they were training. The only person with this knowledge (to a lesser extent) as well is Mercy. She's so ler for him dude.

-Not ticklish in the traditional sense. Only some things tickle him, like repairs (from Mercyyyyy) and tickling on his non-weaponized parts.

-Tickles to flirt with girls and teases them in a mischievous and bantering way. (In his player eraaa)

-His exposed armpit in the Blackwatch skin is giving me thoughts.

D.VA/Hana Song

-She is a bubbly lee. Curls up to avoid attacks, has a giggle-snort laugh and is overall a super cutie, and a typical tickle target.

-However, she is a very stubborn ler. She is super headstrong when it comes to tickling and tries to show no mercy. Teases like "Give up yet?" and uses traditional baby-talk.

-Dae-hyun and her have tickled each other at some point and she has lots of fun as a ler with her childhood friend- and in general, oh my god She loves to be a ler. Like, absolutely.

-Def teases Lucio a lot as a ler oh my god will beatbox while she uses his tummy as a turntable and all that jazz and make references to his music. Also a bratty adorable lee for him (he keeps making corny ahh gaming references in return).

-Kicks her legs around as a lee absolutely. Wears cute socks (like with strawberries and paw prints and the like) which makes this 110 percent more adorbs.

Lúcio Correia dos Santos

-He's so ticklish. When fans ask about it, he answers honestly and exactly. But when he's tickled, he actively tries to suppress his reactions and jump away. Squeals when startled.

-MY LORD TICKLISH ARMPITS

-When tracing around his tattoo, he'll do a high pitched little hihihi omg.

-Very fun ler. Loves to tickle and laughs along with his lee dude. Also a DJ... experienced hands means good tickler (I could say this 283883 more times in the hc sheet but it's so basic at this point)

Mei Ling Zhou

-Giggly as fuck, curls up holy shit. Will admit to accidentally being tickled. Laughter is very much a "hee-hee" lmao.

Mercy/Angela Ziegler

-Mercy has an adorable tickle laugh. It's that happy, light giggle that makes you just wanna keep tickling... it's healing. HAHAHAHHAHAHA

-Ticklish bellybutton. And neck. And armpits. And sides. Everywhere - but these are her worst areas.

-Accidentally tickles people when healing them thoroughly lmao. One of the only people to know where Genji is ticklish - sometimes they like to tickle each other bc I said so.

-Ler in medical situations but barely. Like accidentally grazing a cut and whatnot.

-Lee as fuck otherwise. Thrashes around so much when tickled hard.

Zarya/Aleksandra Zaryanova

-You know my favorite thing ever is a tough muscle girl who can't handle delicate touch. Well, no you don't, I just told you.

-A hearty, loud laugh. And ticklish armpits. They're exposed. And neck. And abs. Very loud laugher, and tough as well. Won't be broken under tickling, unless with those she trusts well.

//image limit :( //

Moira O'Deorain 👾

-First of all, claws. Second of all, attitude. Third of all, claws again. In conclusion, LER.

-Tickles... for SCIENCE. When experimenting on others, tickle torture was not out of the question. Knows her way around different crevices of her body, and is cold and ruthless when exploiting this weakness.

-Tickle interrogation scenarios with her though... ough

-I think if this goes on I can't post it

Kiriko Kamori 🦊

-Like her character, there are two sides to her when it comes to tickling lmao

-As a lee, she's laid back and takes it. As a ler, she's dangerous.

-Uses her Miko gift of powers and teleportation to her advantage in tickle battles with loved ones hehehe. When she was living with Genji, they tickled each other. SO. MUCH. UAUAUAUAUAU

-The castle was perfect for chasing each other around. Kiriko would probably be dissapointed that she can't really tickle him anymore though.

Reaper/Gabriel Reyes 💀

Reaper is so fineeeee I mean what I mean he's so... Anyways.... Whaaaat?

-Reaper's reputation makes him someone you wouldn't exactly want to tickle. The royal you- but that honestly doesn't include me. Tee hee hee. There's my instinct again, telling me that his bad tickle spot is his waist/sides.

-If he isn't kicking his ler in the face, he'll teleport away from them or go all Wraith form and avoid him using these smoke-and-mirrorsy attacks.

-During their time at Talon, Sombra enjoyed sabotaging (his words) their missions by teasing him with the notion that he's ticklish. She's his most frequent 'ler- he doesn't get tickled much, but she relishes in his surprising ticklishness- greatly.

-Doesn't ler- it's above him- unless provoked enough. Super ruthless.

Elizabeth Caledonia "Calamity" Ashe 🔫

-Ashe. Is. A. SWITCH.

-When he hadn't gained sentience, Ashe used to ask BOB to tickle her as a kid and he would comply- or try to. It's hard having clunky, mechanical hands, but he was doting and gave in. She'd laugh but fake it- it was all in good fun.

-Ashe and Cassidy both share an affinity for provoking each other with tickling. Their tickle fights are rough, scrappy and full of banter, and they absolutely love to expose each other and bicker during these occasional moments.

-She has a mean streak when it comes to tickling. Tickles her fellow Overwatch agents sometimes, and revels in it.

-Among the Deadlock Gang, tickle fights between Ashe and Cassidy would rage on- not EVERY DAY frequent, but the weakness was there to exploit.

-BOB will hold down Ashe's victims at her request.

-Very casual in her teasing and tactics but will always point out bad spots. Her skills in tickling aren't really skills. She just goes fast and is good at taunting.

[mildlylesbian]

Hermitcraft Headcannons

LONG POST

Since I’m apperantly writing a fanfic now I figured I might as well list my headcannons for the hermitcraft members personas + Timmy. 

I have not had the time, energy, or attetion span to watch all of the hermits so quite a few of these are based solely off of other fan interpertations I have seen. There’s also some hermits I do not know what to do with who are excluded from this list.

This list starts out very Grian focused due to the fact he introduced me to the hermits as well as the fanfic I’m planning being centered around him and Timmy.

Timmy - Caridinal hybrid, was a listener but after Grians escape was taken to replace his brother. Related by blood to Grian, non-blood related to Pearl

Grian - Was born human before being taken in by the watchers and being forced to become one, after escaping he dyed/coded his wings to look like a parrots and claims to be a parrot hybrid. Related by blood to Timmy, non-blood related to Pearl.

Pearl - Moth hybrid, escaped evo alongside the others and spent a few years searching for her brothers before finding Grian in Hermitcraft and joining him, spends season 9 researching the watchers in hopes of getting Jimmy back. Adopted sister of Grian and Timmy.

Mumbo - Born a human, turned into a vampire at the beginning of season 8 and spent that season not killing in an attempt to deny his new hybrid-status. Is the person who orginally found Grian and brought him to hermitcraft.

Scar - Vex hybrid who likes to pretend they’re an elf, has unspecificed medical issues (I am not going to try and diagnose scar) that affects his walking abilities, often uses a cane or wheelchair to get around. Jellie is his emotional support animal.

Cub - Vex hybrid, big brother energy. He’s the second oldest hermit, however thanks to a de-aging experiment he’s physically one of the youngest. 

Iskall - Dwarf, lost an eye while doing redstone. Is often mistaken as Impulse’s brother.

Impulse - Dwarf, had difficultlies growing a beard so he’s super upset whenever it gets cut. Often mistaken as Iskall’s brother.

Gem - Deer-fey hybrid, has a deep connection to nature, hence her tendency to build naturey things, is able to manipulate plants. 

Bdubs - Everyone thinks he’s a fey, is actually just some random dude. Scared of the dark, hence the very strict sleep schedule, and wears moss because it’s very comfortable. Also for some reason everyone keeps letting him put people into positions of power.

Doc - Born a creeper hybrid, was experimented on causing him to be a spliced creeper-goat-cyborg hybrid. Wears a lab coat because it makes him feel in control of what happened to him, and despite apperance is the sweetest person you will ever meet.

Ren - Wolf hybrid, has a very large family made up of different characters he has played (renbob, the red king, etc), due to his wolf hybrid status he has seperation anxiety

Etho - Enderman hybrid, has always hid his face due to his anxiety (same) but after recieving a scar that covers 2/3 of his face he’s even less willing to remove his mask.

False - Eagle hybrid, is super sweet but will nto hesitate to fight you if you so much as look at a hermit the wrong way. 

Stress - Flower fey, resident healer and grower of plants, is terrible at taking care of herself. 

Cleo - Born human, became a zombie hybrid after a funky respawn that healed her bit failed to revive her. Is sensitive to the sun, though is able to stand in it for short periods of time, survives off of raw meat, is the go to for new clothes and surgerys thanks to her mastery of stitching.

Joe - Human, no one is convinced. Isn’t great at being social, but loves hanging out with cleo because he feels as though she gets him.

Jevin - Slime hybrid, is naturally green but uses dye to make himself blue in an attempt to differ himself from the hostile mob. Without the human skeleton that resides within him he is unable to maintain his shape.

Keralis - Resident eldritch horror, sweetest man alive, will trap anyone who hurts his friends in the void.

X - Voidwalker, needs his armor to breath the overworld air, really good at over working himself, does not have a shadow.

Ex - Shadow-voidwalker, used to be X’s shadow, isn’t nesscerily evil but has people issues due to be cast out by the person he used to be bound to. 

Zed - Sheep hybrid, always wants to know more about the world around him

Tango - Blaze hybrid, cannot get wet, cannot withstand cold weather, cannot be burnt, his hair is made out of fire and grows or dwindles based on his current emotions, a terrible liar

Not included in list; XB, Wels, Beef, and Hypno. Tfc also isn’t included, as I’m unsure how I feel about alluding to him in fanfics following his passing, so out of respect I won’t pretend he doesn’t exist but I also won’t be including him in headcannons or fanfics. May he rest in peace. 

Based on this list alone guess which hermits I have and haven’t watched. If this gains any traction I’ll follow up with my headcannons on hermitcraft as a server, as well as the fanfic idea I have at the moment - it is in the very early stages of development, but I live off of validation and feedback so I’ll probably post ideas for it regardless.

If you have questions about headcannons or wanna share some of your own, please do! I’m always excited to see what other people think about these funky lil block people.

[redwinterroses]

bangs hands on table. More Rambling now i'm going ham waiting for people's words ~@betweenlands

Okay, okay! Home from work now, and I write rambly thoughts about creeper-hybrid doctors in space.

So. Doc thoughts for Dog at the Door – all of these are given with the caveat that the fic isn’t finished and I reserve the right to be wrong about any and all of this. Also please excuse if this sounds like an English paper because it kinda feels like one. In my defense, I’ve written about seven thousand of those and have the diploma to prove it.

(Imma just put the cut right here because I already know this is gonna be a long one.)

Doc is, for all intents and purposes, the protagonist of Dog at the Door.

“Protagonist” doesn’t necessarily equal “main character” after all: Sherlock Holmes is the main character of Arthur Conan Doyle’s stories, but he’s certainly not the protagonist. That honor falls to the ever-delightful Dr. Watson. Dog at the Door is about Rendog and the Red King. They are the plot, the main character, and their own antagonists all rolled up into one. (Two? One.)

But Doc is our protagonist. And what’s interesting is that (at least so far) he doesn’t have a typical “character arc,” which would be something like “Character A has a belief or a normal state of being, that “normal” is challenged, and they either overcome or succumb to that challenge.”

Doc... doesn’t really have that. Again, the fic isn’t over and possibly something else will come up to change my mind, but for the moment Doc is the one character who doesn’t change on a fundamental level nor has a reason to do so. (Well. And Renbob, who at least thus far is really more set dressing than an actual character.) The dynamic character arc(s) belong to Ren and RK.

Doc is the one with a flat arc (which is a dumb term but let’s examine it.)

A flat character arc is someone who already knows their truth at the beginning of the story, and they use that truth to guide them through whatever doubts the plot throws their way. They change the world through their truth, rather than the world changing them. (Diana in Wonder Woman has a flat arc. Elinor Dashwood in Sense & Sensibility has a flat arc. Flat arc does not mean flat character.)

Doc’s truth is that Ren is his friend and he’ll do anything to help him. Along the way, he discovers new information and makes a new friend (?) in the Red King, but none of that changes his core truth: I help my friends.

Doc’s loyalty to his friends is like... his defining element. It’s what drives him, as far as DatD is concerned. There’s two moments that really showcase that for us, the first being this exchange between Doc and RK in chapter 15:

“Tell me you won’t hurt them, RK. I won’t back down otherwise.” Another step.

“…Even if I said no, you’d crawl out of your grave to save your friends. [...]I’d win. But you’d keep coming back. Defying death for the devil.”

And then this between Ren and Doc in chapter 16:

“I’m not supposed to be back, Doc. Did you make a bargain for me? ”

Doc breathes in. “I didn’t. You know I would have. But I didn’t.”

Crawling out of his grave to save his friends.

Huh. Who else does that sound like?

“You know I would have [made a bargain to save you].”

Man, RK has a type, I guess. Self-sacrificing, too-noble-for-their-own-good dudes who are willing to face down an actual blood god on behalf of the people they love?

Yeah. Ren and Doc are two peas in a pod – or two half-cyborgs in an RV in space, if you’d rather.

(*sidelong glance at Martyn* Mm-hm, I’m 3-for-3 on this analysis.)

But here’s the kicker: Doc hasn’t been given the chance to make the same mistakes Ren did. (yet? Apollo/Fluffy-Solar dni.) He probably would, if put in the same situation, but Doc hasn’t lived through anything that makes him go “Okay, the best way to protect the people I care about is to do this.”

So Doc isn’t living with the same second-guessing and guilt and this... whatever emotion Ren has right now where he’s like “I was right and I regret it all because it was a huge mistake but I wouldn’t take back a bit of it.” I don’t know if English has a word for that. Either way, Doc isn’t laboring under that burden – therefore his core truth is never truly challenged.

Ren’s arc (as far as I can predict it) is going to at least in some way involve his “I will protect my friends at all costs” truth being challenged (which it already is/has) and then either validated or dismantled. He has an active arc that involves a dark night of the soul and working through this challenge (along with others) to his core truth.

Because Doc’s core truth isn’t being challenged, he’s allowed to be the strong foundation of the plot. Things happen in an orbit around Doc’s unchanging core, and every problem he faces can be dealt with using that as a tool and a lens.

Now, that’s not to say that he isn’t allowed to doubt, or to change his mind about secondary issues at any point. We’ve already seen that a little bit – he’s had doubt in his own abilities to help Ren/RK, he’s changed his stance on who RK is and what he means, he’s reached a point where he can stand up to and challenge RK (something he wouldn’t have done at the start of the story), but all of those are changes that happen around Doc’s core, not to it. Some of them have happened because of it. He never doubts his truth, but he can (and does, and undoubtedly will continue to) doubt his own ability to enact that truth.

I have... very strong feelings about Doc as portrayed in Dog at the Door. He’s a character who is gentle and kind, yet strong, he’s allowed to be angry or afraid without being defined by those emotions, someone whose flaws are on full display and yet they never make you dislike him or distrust his ability to act in a way that positively progresses the story.

He doesn’t always trust himself, but he never wavers in his determination to do what he thinks is right and what he believes will best help those he cares about.

And apparently he makes pretty killer waffles, so. Ya know. The GOAT.

[emerald--ore]

*Slides Doc into your DMs*

Ahhh the Doc man

Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual, open to poly (I don’t think he thinks about it much unless brought up to him the goober)

Gender Headcanon: Cis or trans man (we’ve chatted about trans Doc before and I’m still very much into it)

A ship I have with said character: GriDoc, RenDoc, and BDoc (Bdubs/Doc) are THE ULTIMATE for me, but like I said I’ll ship just about anything 

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Etho are just some good buds. I love rewatching the Endbusting stream w him and Beef and Etho it was some quality content.

A NOTP I have with said character: N/A

A random headcanon: Yes, he’s a creeper cyborg creature, but I like to think he was taken as like a creeper embryo (because eggs) and experimented on and that’s why he’s like he is. Hybrid is fun too but I like the idea of him being some fucked-up creeper experiment gone right

General Opinion over said character: HEARTEYES. He’s one of those characters that I love seeing art of because it’s all so good and varied and he’s almost always hot lmao

[prismarine-parrots]

Tree of Life Pt. 3.5

I wrote this as a special thing for Tumblr, just because I felt like it. It’s not one of the original 5 parts, hence the 3.5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 (1) Part 5 (2)

Fair warning: you’re probably going to be mad at me, but I’ll be posting the last parts right after so...

TW: character death, killed by another character

There was nothing but ocean for miles around the group of boats. It would be faster to go by elytra, but no one wanted to get separated and lost because they're too fast and bad with coordinates and then crash into the ocean and drown.

So the group rowed along, skimming the ocean surface heading to their unknown location from the coordinates they had found.

"There's an island up ahead!" Iskall yelled, pausing to point at the landmass. Tango scanned against the harsh sunlight, glad that his demonic eyes weren't as affected by harsh light as the other humans' were.

One of the good things about being from the Nether, he thought to himself. Thinking of the Nether he was technically born in, there was a weird feeling that arose in his chest. He ignored it, not caring about that, whatever it was, as he had learned long ago that not being human meant literally nothing to anyone but himself.

"Should we rest there for a while?" Stress asked, sounding rather exhausted herself.

"I second that," Ren groaned loudly.

"Alright guys, let's take a break," Xisuma called. Tango frowned at how tense the admin sounded. Yes, he was server admin, but was he really the leader here? He was never really too outgoing, preferring to keep to himself and watch everyone else go crazy. While yes, he probably had a brain cell or two more than the rest of the whitelist, this entire situation was pushing everyone to their emotional and mental limits.

I could dispatch them. Have a little fun before putting them out of their misery.

Tango lurched at his own thought that didn't even seem like his own.

"What did I just think? Oh my god, no no," he whispered to himself in shock. How would that help at all?! Where did that come from?! I-I couldn't kill them...

"You alright there, Tango?" Doc asked. Tango stiffly nodded, still not quite out of his head. He had stopped rowing and was coasting, losing speed as the quiet Impulse stopped for his friend.

"Come on, Tango. Let's get to land," the dark-haired human encouraged. He hadn't raised his voice above a quiet breath since Zedaph died. Tango had been shocked as well, but if Impulse was hurting and Zed was gone... someone had to be the strong one and take the blows for Team ZIT. Interestingly enough, while he had shed some blood, there was a strange thrill to it that also scared Tango. Seeing ruby red zombie blood mixed with his own onyx black... there wasn't supposed to be any satisfaction in killing.

But blood is such a pretty color... red like netherrack, black like the void... Tango's thoughts continued after that, but he was not registering them anymore. His actual mind had gone blank, with a small question in the back wondering what was going on brushed into the cobwebs of old memories. Now there was only a feeling. The feeling Tango had felt before in the boats. An instinct, if you will. One that pushed aside Tango and replaced him with a single thought.

Kill.

——————

"Tango? Are you alright?" Impulse asked warily. Something was wrong. Tango had stopped moving, standing like a statue on the beach they had landed on. A wide smile had grown on his face and his ruby red eyes were bright but unseeing.

"Tango...?"

Suddenly the demon man lunged, enchanted diamond sword appearing in hand out of nowhere. Impulse yelled as he jumped out of the way and the other hermits immediately turned to see what the commotion was.

"The heck, Tango?" Iskall demanded, readying his own sword confidently to face off.

Tango didn't reply. That malicious smile was still on his face, showing off his fanged canines and slightly pointed teeth. He glanced around, sword still in hand, and Impulse noticed with a sickening jolt that the gloves that Tango normally wore to cover his finger were gone, showing off wicked hooked fingernails that no matter what he did always grew back as claws that got redstone dust under them. His eyes were alight with a look Impulse had never seen on his friends- where there was normally a happy, warm, excitable energy, there was now a terrifying thrill that even enderman or blazes did not possess.

Tango took a step forward and other hermits took a step back, except for Iskall and Doc, who had readied his trident.

"Not a step further, Tango," Doc growled.

"We don't want to hurt you," Iskall added.

"Tango, calm down love, i-it's alright. Whatever's bothering you, we can talk it ou'," Stress said, slowly moving forward but being held back by the Swede with the sword.

"I don't think he's going to listen," Iskall said quietly to her.

Impulse grimaced as they came to a standstill. The other hermits versus Tango, one of his best friends, who they all knew was not dangerous... except right now he was. Tango swayed on his feet, light on his feet, and Impulse knew from the amount of roughhousing they did that the demon packed a punch when not holding back.

Xisuma sucked in a breath from behind Impulse.

"What is it?" Ren asked, not taking his eyes off the showdown.

"It's his tree," Xisuma breathed, "It's affected now as well."

"So it made Grian sick, Wels exhausted, and now Tango... demonic?" Jevin summarized cautiously. "This is horrible..."

There was a hum of agreement.

Impulse stared at Tango in pain. In front of him was this prowling, maniacal version of one of his best friends, who they had no way of returning to sanity without a cure to the trees but also obviously couldn't handle in this state.

Python stepped forward. "I want to try something. Doc, put your trident down. Maybe he'll respond better to us if we don't threaten him, and because we're not human."

There as a muttering from someone saying that Tango looked more human than not, but was quickly hushed by Xisuma.

Doc glared at the passive-aggressive demon, but slowly placed his trident on the ground. Iskall backed up, but didn't lower his sword by any means. "Alright, Python, don't get yourselves killed," the hitman muttered.

The red creeper laughed nervously. "Yeah, sounds like a plan." Then he turned fully to Tango.

"Hey man. I know we don't know each other that well, but we're gonna figure this out, alright? It's just us. No need for weapons," Python said slowly, gesturing to Doc's trident on the ground.

Tango's eyes flicked to the trident. Python took another step forward, and Doc slowly moved to the side, giving space between himself and the other creeper hybrid. Impulse wondered if the others noticed Tango's subtle movement. With the red-on-red eyes, it was hard to notice the small changes, but being friends for as long as the golden boy had been with the demon, Impulse read him like the back of his own hand.

He's still looking at the trident. I think Python thinks he's still watching him-

Tango's slit eyes rapidly scanned over the rest of the group and made eye contact with Impulse. Pausing before narrowing and glancing down at the pale blue weapon once more.

He's going for it!

"Look out!" Impulse yelled right as Tango sprung into action. He leapt forward and slid to his knees, arching backward underneath Iskall's diamond blade, rising to one knee in a fluid motion and scooping up the trident.

"Well now we're done for," Joe groaned and pulled out a shield. The other hermits prepared their weapons, regretfully realizing they're going to have to fight. All eyes were on Tango now, waiting to see how the outnumbered one would react.

What do we do? Tango's still in there. What if we can't bring him back? Any of them? What if the trees are permanent and they're all dead and now Tango is... feral? Impulse was scared. Scared of that word, of what it meant, and what would happen to his friend if they act and what would happen to them if they didn't.

This is a no-win situation.

Tango raised the trident and was immediately met by Iskall's sword, the Swedish hitman reacting the quickest with his decent PVP skills.

And just like that, the fight against one of their own was on.

The trident swung around in a wide arc and everyone jumped back, before Tango jabbed the long weapon and Joe stepped forward and ducked behind his shield. The tips of the pronged weapon got stuck in the soft but reinforced wood, and Joe sent a wild look over his shoulder as Tango grunted, trying to pull back the weapon.

"Some assistance would be greatly appreciated so I don't get run through work a fork?"

"On it, Joe!" Cleo gave a battlecry as she did an understand swing, dislodging the trident from the poet's shield and from the demon's grip. It flipped in the air and landed in the long grass of the tiny island.

Doc, seeing his weapon free, made a dive for it. Iskall charged and took another strike at Tango, but his adrenaline was faster and he slid to the ground, grabbing his trident and letting Doc hit the ground harshly, a dull thud and "oof" coming from the cyborg as the air was knocked out of whatever lungs he had that wasn't machinery.

Tango twisted his body and braced the trident above his head just in time to meet Iskall's blade once more. They both grimaced as the forced against each other, trying to get the other to buckle.

Impulse was frozen watching the fight unfold in front of him. Stress and Xisuma seemed to be in a similar state, too scared and worried to know how to react. Ren was antsy watching Doc's and Iskall's moves, clearly wanting to help but not sure how. Jevin and Python has crept away and were making silent eye contact and single hand gestures.

What are they doing? Impulse wondered, but shook his head, keeping his focus on trying to figure out how the heck he was going to help Tango.

"Tango! This isn't you, dude!" Iskall said. The blonde only grinned.

With a powerful surprise shove of his trident Tango pushed Iskall back where Jevin reached out and caught him, then quickly spun the staff to regain his grip and raised the handle above his head, prongs pointed at the ground where Doc had finally recovered enough to be slowly lifting himself to his knees.

"NO!" Ren yelled out and surged forward, fists raised to go into hand-to-hand combat to protect Doc.

Doc had gotten himself oriented enough to see Ren coming and roll out of the way, propped up on one knee as the werewolf flew past.

At the same time, Python jumped into action, grabbing the trident staff himself from behind and restraining Tango.

Ren tried to skid to stop before he hurt Python, but ended up ramming into Tango.

Impulse watched in horror and the blonde demon's head jerked back from the momentum. His horn that extruded from the left side of his forehead and was just longer than his head that Impulse and Zedaph had learned to avoid knocked into Python's head, the soft, wrinkled, red flesh immediately blooming into a dark maroon. The red creeper let go of the trident and stumbled backward, gripping his head where it had been punctured.

"Python!"

Stress shrieked and coveted her mouth. Joe dropped everything and went into medic mode, scrambling to pull out a healing potion and Cleo was not a second layer pulling out string she kept on her in case she needed to do repairs on her tattered clothes.

Xisuma covered Doc and got him to his feet finally. Jevin was tending to Iskall, who seemed to have been wounded somewhere along the way in the fight and was downing a healing potion himself. Ren was staring in shock at Python, who had grown to a dulled pink color and eyes were fluttering. Joe and Cleo were talking urgently to each other.

"He's not healing!"

"His tree isn't regenerating..."

"There has to be something we can do, Joe!"

Joe silently shook his head. "Just try to stop the bleeding. Creepers don't have strong skin."

Cleo stared at him, a silent conversation happening in seconds between them before they both went back to work.

The only ones left were Impulse and Tango. Tango was staring at Python as well, the tension having left his stance and the ironically clean pronged weapon held loosely in his hand. His left horn was stained red, and there were a few speckles of crimson on the ends of his hair. He didn't seem be as alert anymore, he could have attacked anyone else by now, but he just... stood there.

I really hope that's Tango in there, resisting, and not him being a sadist and watching his victim die.

"Impulse," Xisuma approached. Doc had joined Jevin and Iskall, glancing over his shoulder and eyeing his weapon with a dark passion. Impulse gripped the unused sword in his hand, a grim feeling settling in his stomach seeing the admin's expression.

"We can't help him right now..."

The dark-haired man shivered as that was said. He grimaced and blinked away the tears and horrible feeling as he knew what had to be done.

"I know," Impulse whispered. Xisuma has the same expression that Impulse felt. Their eyes both slowly fell to Impulse's sword, a guilty silent agreement coming to them.

"I'm sorry," X choked, pulling out his own sword. Impulse shook his head and readied his own weapon.

"No. I will. I know how to fight him."

"But he's your friend!"

"And we can't risk losing you as admin," Impulse reasoned. X was surprised by this, jumping at the statement, before giving in.

"I hate that title, you know."

The gold man gave a single, cynical laugh. "I would too."

Then Impulse turned away from Xisuma and stepped forward. One step, two steps, then he called the name.

"Tango Tek!"

The demon at least responded to his name and faced Impulse. He glanced up and down at the human, eyes lingering on the sword and his face. Slowly, Tango started to raise the trident.

Impulse didn't give him the chance to fight back. He thrust his sword up, and it slid smoothly into the warm flesh in front of him. Tango cried out and sucked in a breath of air.

"I'm sorry," Impulse whispered.

"What's happening? What did I do...?" Tango asked, the first words he had spoken since Impulse had first realized something was wrong. Impulse pulled out his sword and Tango crumpled to the ground.

Two consecutive server messages came in on his phone in his cargo shorts pocket. He didn't need to look to know who it was as the realization of what he had just done set in. The sword slipped out of his hand, no longer feeling like a his main weapon now some sort of evil tool, despite having killed players with it before.

But everyone came back during the war. There was no question everyone would respawn. Tango's GONE now....

Joe and Cleo leaned back, giving up in their work at the still Python. Jevin helped Iskall to his feet, and Doc and Xisuma just observed their grief-stricken group.

Stress was quietly crying on the side, eyes wide and hands covering her mouth. Impulse slowly walked over to her, giving her the hug he so desperately wanted himself.

"This is too much. It's not supposed to go like this!" Stress breathed between sobs.

"I know."

They sank to the ground and Impulse cried.

————————

Word count: 2800

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael Ford’s Top 50 Castlevania Enemies

Castlevania is one of my absolute favorite video game series of all time, particularly the Metroidvania titles. A big reason for that is just the sheer variety of monsters you can fight. Drawing from basically every mythology and pop culture, you’d be hard pressed to find a monster not on display here; there’s Goetic demons, succubi, Christian demons, mummies, valkyrie, Greek mythological beasts, Wizard of Oz characters... there’s a lot of shit being thrown at you. It also helps the artists seem to have this unspoken belief that every time they do a palette swap, a small child dies, so there are tons of one-shot monsters that appear in a single room, or a scant few rooms.

So here I’m going to countdown my fifty favorite fiends being thrown at the Belmonts, Alucard, and Soma by Dracula. Here’s the criteria:

1. The monsters have to be from a Metroidvania game - Symphony of the Night, Harmony of Dissonance, Chronicles of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin, and Order of Ecclesia are all fair game.

2. No Death or Dracula. As far as I’m concerned calling them a favorite is cheap, because they’re ALWAYS awesome. Same thing for any fight against a Belmont, which includes the Whip’s Memory.

Other than that, bada bing bada boom. Be forewarned: My three favorite monster types are Sexy Monster Girls, Skeletons, and Jojo References. You’ll see a lot of them, especially the former one. Now without further ado, let’s dive into Dracula’s castle and see what I’ve chosen:

50. Medusa Head

Various

There’s no denying that these enemies are the biggest pain in the ass in existence, always appearing in treacherous areas like Clock Towers packed with spikes or areas packed with bottomless pits… but quite frankly, the series just wouldn’t be the same without these stupid fucking things. They’re just such an icon, as much as Dracula and Death I’d say, and an icon of gamer frustration. Gotta give respect!

49. Ladycat

Order of Ecclesia

The first sexy lady monster on the list, these are cute cat girls, plain and simple, and they can give Shanoa the power to turn into a cute cat girl herself and befriend them.

48.  Kyouma Demon

Aria of Sorrow

Appearing to attack from mirrors and resembling an ugly old guy, this demon is probably a reference to Hanged Man of Stardust Crusaders. Alright, I’ll admit it’s a bit of a stretch, but the Chronicles of Sorrow games are stuffed with Jojo references; even if THIS isn’t meant to be one, don’t worry, there’s plenty more down the line.

47. Arachne

Aria of Sorrow, Order of Ecclesia

There’s not much for me to say here except… hot spider woman. A+. Fuck yes.

46. Yeti

Dawn of Sorrow, Order of Ecclesia

As mysterious and hard to find as he is in real life, the yeti appears in the very first area of Dawn in the background, and on a lonely mountain bridge in Order of Ecclesia. In each place, he’ll make like a guard in Metal Gear and get a ! over its head before fleeing into the background like a little bitch. If you’re quick, you might be able to kill it and reap the rewards

45. Skeleton Glass

Harmony of Dissonance

Harmony of Dissonance is not the most memorable Castlevania game in terms of bestiaries, but damn if you’ll ever forget the Skeleton Glass! Appearing in a group in one hallway and being easy to kill, they seem to exist solely so you can farm tons of EXP before moving on. In a game of otherwise unremarkable opponents, these skeletons stand out.

44. Sand Worm

Portrait of Ruin

Sand Worms appear in scant few locations; a one-time encounter appears early in the first desert area and then another one at the end of the map. Sinking into the sand the first one comes out of lets you step a round its insides for a free HP Up. Look, I don’t have much to say, I just really love sand worms as a concept and this just hits all the right keys for me.

43. Human Face Tree

Symphony of the Night

Since this guy only appeared in the Sega Saturn version of the game that only came out in Japan, I have not personally had the honor of fighting this guy. BUT HOLY SHIT LOOK AT HIM. How could I NOT love him?

42. Mad Snatcher

Order of Ecclesia

Wielding an anachronistic chainsaw and being some unholy mashup of Jason Voorhees, Leatherface, and the Creeper, this freak is one of the cooler, yet simultaneously deadly, enemies to pop up in Order of Ecclesia. This game’s already throwing so much shit at you, and now you have some slasher mashup with a gas-powered saw in a time when the latter didn’t exist; Castlevania is some crazy shit, son.

41. Flea Man

Various

One of the classic enemies of the series, this is yet another monster it just doesn’t feel right to not have in the game. They also come in all kinds of varieties, whether they’re riding dragons, wearing armor, being dropped by eagles, being born from trees, or just straight up throwing knives, so no matter how you see a Flea Man, there’s a good chance it won’t be the same as the last time.

40. Wallman

Order of Ecclesia

Wallman gets a spot solely for being the funniest fucking boss of all time. You can beat him in under twenty seconds if you’re quick enough, since the goal is to absorb the glyph he uses to hide inside a wall… while he’s inside the wall. Cue the most obvious result happening, and cue you getting a shiny medal for taking no damage.

39. Nova Skeleton

Symphony of the Night, aria of Sorrow, Order of Ecclesia

There’s just something so charming about magical green skeletons that shoot incredibly deadly dick lasers at you. And if that’s not cool enough for ya, check out what they can do with just about any attacking glyph in Order of Ecclesia. Your inner Star Wars fan will squee in delight as you slaughter your way through Transylvania with a big fucking lightsaber.

38. Jersey Devil

Order of Ecclesia

Look at this guy. He’s just so damn cute for a monstrous bat-horse-dragon creature. He’s so cute it keeps me from wondering why the Jersey Devil is in 18th century Transylvania.

37. Nyx

Portrait of Ruin

It’s pretty cool Konami owns Yu-Gi-Oh, but that brings up a disturbing question: why are there not more Yu-Gi-Oh references in Castlevania? Well they finally threw us all a bone with Nyx, a cute demon nurse carrying a big ol’ syringe that clearly is taking cues from Injection Fairy Lily.

36.  Malachi

Symphony of the Night, Dawn of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin

Here we have what is basically Cthulhu… though sadly not named as such due to a translation oversight. Still, a giant evil demon squid being is as Lovecraftian as you could hope for, and the presence of Cthulhu certainly makes the monster mash of the game an even more exciting affair, no matter the name he’s under.

35. Werebat

Order of Ecclesia

Half-human, half-bat, all sexy, as any lady monster in Castlevania should be. And of course, big plus for giving out a glyph that lets Shanoa become a sexy bat-lady too.

34. Schmoo

Symphony of the Night

You may think these guys are on here because if you kill enough of them, they may drop the mighty, unstoppable Crissaegrim… and you’re right! But honestly, I think in a weird way these flying, bloody sacks with faces on them are kind cute, in the way a hideous gory Castlevania monster can be.

33. Waiter Skeleton

Aria/Dawn of Sorrow

Yet another weird and funny skeleton, these guys do nothing but toss spicy curry at you to attack. In Dawn, they toss their curry and then run headfirst into a wall and die. The weird skeletons Dracula employs give me life, I swear.

32. Wakwak Tree

Dawn of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin

And the award for the funniest fucking name goes to… Aside from having the most goofy name imaginable, they’re also one of the weirdest enemies in the series, being tress that… grow Flea Men. What.

31. Jp Bonepillar

Harmony of Dissonance

An unholy combination of the Scarecrow enemy (bounces around and deals damage) and the Bone Pillar (shoots fire) this is an unusually yet delightfully gruesome skeletal beast. I mean, look at that thing! I mean I guess Dracula technically IS Vlad the Impaler, and he liked to do stuff like this… never would have guessed he’d use his arts & crafts projects as weapons, though.

30. Galamoth

Symphony of the Night

Galamoth has quite a reputation for being hard as balls (as long as you don’t have that Crissaegrim). And… he is! His HP bar is so big that it doesn’t even appear in the bestiary. And he’s a giant cyborg demon from ten thousand years in the future, which is pretty hardcore. It’s kinda sad he never appears again after Symphony, because with his desire to usurp Dracula and rule over the netherworld, he could be a pretty interesting antagonist, especially in games taking place after the Chronicles of Sorrow where Dracula is definitively dead.

29. Miss Murder

Order of Ecclesia

Finally, a Castlevania enemy based off of the kuchisake-onna! At least partly; kuchisake-onna are not known for opening pocket dimensions and attacking from pocket universes. It’s like a cross between the kyouma demon and kuchisake-onna, and while this monster isn’t necessarily a hot monster girl like you’d expect when I put a lady monster on the list, it IS a really cool monster.

28. Fake Grant, Trevor, and Sypha

Symphony of the Night

While it’s one thing to fight against cruel imitations Alucard’s old partners, the best part about this fight is thinking how it must effect Alucard emotionally to be forced to fight and kill monsters wearing the faces of the only friends he has ever had. Dracula’s kind of a dick for doing that to him.

27.Yorick

Symphony of the Night, Dawn of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin

This is one of my favorite skeletons in the whole series. It’s not only a hilarious enemy concept – a skeleton chasing its own head that it has dropped around – but it’s an amusing allusion to Hamlet to boot! And in some games, when you kill him, his head sticks behind. What’s not to love?

26. Erinys/Valkyrie

Aria/Dawn of Sorrow

Yet another hot monster, this time, what appears to be a hot angel. Why angels are working for Dracula is a mystery, though Erinys is named after the Furies, so THAT makes sense. A valkyrie though? That’s something. Also, the valkyrie got a sexy update to not be a palette swap, so that’s good shit. Still, I might like Valkyrie better in Aria, where her soul basically gives you a Stand with some impressive jiggle physics.

25. Persephone

Aria/Dawn of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin

One of the Metroidvania’s most enduring antagonists on handheld games is this adorable demon maid. Armed with kung fu moves and a mighty vacuum cleaner, she’s ready to kick ass, take names, and maybe have an orgy with witches and succubi like in that one room in Dawn. Awww yeah.

24. Old Axe Armor

Portrait of Ruin

Old Axe Armor is a monster that appeared in a couple of the old-school games, and then came with a playable version in the form of an equippable armor in Symphony of the Night. But in Portrait of Ruin, if you fight and kill 1000, you can unlock a special mode where you play as a mysterious redhead lady Old Axe Armor (evident from official art) and play through the castle. It’s a really cool and challenging special mode, and that hot Axe Armor in the artwork is pretty easy on the eyes.

23. The Creature

Various (Particularly his Portrait of Ruin appearance)

The Creature is a mainstay of Castlevania, and one of the better ones to boot; he’s a lot better than snoozefests like the mummy boss. While he does appear in Symphony of the Night, his look there really sucks; in Portrait of Ruin, however, he not only looks awesome, he comes armed with machine guns and rocket launchers! And in the bonus dungeon, the most deadly room contains TWO AT ONCE. Beat that and you’re truly a hardcore motherfucker.

22. Nemesis

Symphony of the Night, Aria of Sorrow

Who isn’t a sucker for cute ghost girls? One of the ghost swordsman group of monsters, she’s a cutesy little huntress who stabs at you with a rapier and glows. She’s not too tough, but she tries her hardest, and I love her for it.

21. Cagnazzo

Aria of Sorrow

Cagnazzo, on the surface, appears to be little more than an unremarkable demon whose name shouts out to The Divine Comedy. But get his soul and you’ll see why he’s so awesome: HE LITERALLY GIVES YOU STAR PLATINUM. YOU GET A FUCKING STAND FROM THIS GUY THAT PUNCHES ENEMIES AND SHOUTS “ORAORAORA!” The Chronicles of Sorrow duology is where they really stopped playing coy with the JJBA references, and I love every single one of them.

20. Astarte

Portrait of Ruin

(Link to artist)

This hypnotic Egyptian woman is one of the sexiest monsters in the series – canonically even! She charms Jonathan if you try to use him and makes him try and kill Charlotte, making this one of a scant few boss battles it’s actually smart to use Charlotte in. Hope you got a good spell handy!

19. Tsuchinoko

Aria of Sorrow

Tsuchinoko REAL… pain in the ass! This thing is already dug halfway into the ground half the time you enter the single room you can find it in; the other half, if you can’t kill it quickly, it might bounce about a bit, poison you, and flee. And of course if you want 100% completion and to get that Soul Eater Ring a little easier, you need to snag this little brat’s soul. You’re not gonna feel like the epic badass you will after getting that Sky Fish soul, but you’ll likely feel accomplished nonetheless.

18. Frozen Half

Symphony of the Night

What would be yet another unremarkable palette swap is interesting for two reasons: the first is that it is, according to its bestiary entry, a servant of the aforementioned Galamoth, the giant time traveling cyborg lion man. The second is that she is a trans woman. Yeah, the servants of the most powerful boss in Symphony of the Night are icy trans ladies. Fuckin’ rad.

17. Mad Butcher

Order of Ecclesia

Out of all the horror monsters one could expect to show up in Castlevania, did anyone ever expect Leatherface to pop in? Appearing as a normal enemy in a few locations, the Mad Butcher is the kind of awesomely bonkers shout out that makes me love this series! Also, as pointed out earlier… chainsaws did not exist when this game takes place. That makes this guy even weirder, yet even more awesome.  

16. Lerajie

Portrait of Ruin

Taking a male demon and turning it into a lady? With a  sniper rifle? Who gets her own voice acted lines???? Smart move Konami, real smart move. I’d hit it.

15.  Lilith/Succubus

Various

A couple of mainstays of the Metroidvania handheld titles, they tend to be palette swaps of each other. Sexy, naked palette swaps. They tend to get used for some suggestive room jokes, such as the Lilith and Succubus in the bathhouse of The Arena in Aria, or the bedroom orgy in Dawn. And of course, I’d be remiss to not mention the most notable appearance of the Succubus: her boss battle and cutscene in Symphony of the Night, where she tries to trick Alucard in a dream but realizes all too late that fucking with the head of Dracula’s son is probably not the best idea if you want a long life.

14. Skull Bartender

Portrait of Ruin

See, this is why I love this series. Sometimes they crank out something so silly and stupid I can’t help but love it. Here we have a skeleton that greets you with a “Welcome,” tosses cocktails at you, and dies like a bitch. He also only appears in a single room, one that is hidden, so you have to go out of your way to find him. Boy is he worth it.

13. Blackmore

Order of Ecclesia

You thought the Jojo references would end once Soma was out of the picture? HA! THINK AGAIN, SUCKER! Blackmore is a garishly dressed man with a name that’s a musical reference, loves to pose, and has a massive shadow coming out of his back that, when hit, causes damage to synchronize with him. I guess at this point since they already had Dio and Star Platinum and the stone mask, they might as well just make a Stand user into a boss battle.

12. Medusa

Symphony of the Night, Portrait of Ruin

One of the original four monsters that pop up from time to time, and is quite frankly almost always hot when she shows up. In Symphony, she has that well-toned ass going for her, and in Portrait, she’s not only HUGE, but she has big ol’ titties. And the hotness aside, it’s just a lot of fun to reenact one of my favorite films (Clash of the Titans) every time she shows up by killing the shit out of her.

11. Enkidu

Order of Ecclesia

One lone specimen of this hulking monster appears in the game, and it raises so many questions. Why is he carrying that pillar? What is the White Dragon doing with him? Why is there only one of him? It’s monsters like these, these one-shot monsters that appear in only one area and raise so many questions that are never really answered, that really make this series what it is.

10. Chronomage

Aria of Sorrow

It’s the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland… and he can use The World. How can I NOT love this stupid enemy?

9. Jiang Shi

Order of Ecclesia

How absolutely bonkers; a Chinese hopping vampire as a bonus boss? And not only that, he’s infinitely refightable due to only being able to be sealed after his fight, so if you’re in the mood to kill some more hoppy suckers, boy are you in for a treat!

8. Sky Fish

Aria of Sorrow

One of my favorite cryptids made it into the game, and boy will you never fucking forget it when you see it. Usually nothing more than a blur, getting the ability to stop time does nothing but slow it slightly, giving you a limited time frame to kill it for a rare soul drop… did I mention it only appears in two rooms of the game and that you need to have frame-perfect timing to catch this thing before it zips offscreen? It’s so fucking frustrating, but you will feel satisfied upon getting that soul. I know I always do.

7. Graham

Aria of Sorrow

(Link to artist)

I ain’t talking about regular Graham here; I’m talking about that… thing he turns into, that horrifying, visceral, nightmarish amalgamation of body parts and organs. This might be some of the most fucked up imagery the games have ever thrown at you; I honestly think this thing should be mentioned up there with Legion and Beelzebub as one of the most unsettling monsters in a Metroidvania title.

6. Slogra

Symphony of the Night, Dawn of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin

Death has a couple of cool bodyguards, but Gaibon is much less cool due to being a standard gargoyle-esque demon. Slogra, on the other hand, is a weird  demon with a yellow beak and a big spear who looks like an emaciated turkey man. It’s not the weirdest design in the series, it’s not super out there, but it’s simple, sweet, and kinda cute in an ugly way.

5. Alura Une

Symphony of the Night, Aria/Dawn of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin

My vote for the best sexy monster in the series is the Alura Une, a lovely lady monster that rises out of an equally lovely flower. Called Venus Weed when she first appeared on the scene in Symphony, she would go on to become a mainstay in Metroidvanias after under the name Alura Une. Her incredible sexiness is on full display in her soul’s abilities, especially in Dawn, where she lovingly embraces Soma and kills anyone dumb enough to fuck with him.

4. Legion

Symphony of the Night, Harmony of Dissonance, Aria of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin

(link to artist)

Legion is considered to be one of the more disturbing Castlevania bosses, which is hard to argue with; it’s a massive, flying ball made entirely of corpses that is a one-monster zombie apocalypse, spewing out shambling zombies while you fight. And even if you manage to break through the outer shell, what you get on the inside is… really, REALLY not pretty, no matter the game. It’s appearance in Aria may be its best, what with the horrifying atmospheric buildup consisting of the several rooms prior being devoid of music, the only sound the groaning of the dead as they shamble towards the boss room in the background. Brrrrr.

3. Beelzebub

Symphony of the Night

Beelzebub has quite a reputation as one of the most disturbing and grotesque bosses in the series. And I have to say… COME ON. It’s just a giant, gory, rotten corpse hanging from meat hooks and attracting monstrous flies to attack! what’s so gross about that? Whether you can stomach Beelzebub or not, there’s no denying he’s a pretty memorable boss fight, and hey, if it’s too much he IS skippable!

2. Zephyr

Dawn of Sorrow

Look, I’m sure you saw this coming a mile away. The knives, the time stop, the fight on the clock tower… it’s fucking Dio. Konami literally did not give a shit and just put Stardust Crusaders DIO right in the goddamn game and had him go at you with The World. Shame you can’t get the Cagnazzo soul in this game; it would have made this battle perfect.

1. Gergoth

Dawn of Sorrow

I’m sure some people will find this a weird choice. Gergoth is kind of a strange enemy, all things considered, but he’s the most fascinating one in my book. He has a backstory just vague enough to be tragic but leaves you wanting more, he has an incredibly memorable boss fight with loads of attacks and a memorable fall smashing through dozens of floors of a condemned tower, a really gruesome yet also somewhat adorable design… Gergoth is really a perfect summation of what I love to see in Castlevania bosses.

[avoresmith]

@bigyepper​ put metal gear on my dash and I was reminded all I ever want to do is talk about metal gear.

so here are some RANDOM METAL GEAR THOUGHTS/PROBABLY UNPOPULAR OPINIONS BUT WHATEV

spoilers for whole series!!! stop reading if you care about that shit!!!

Eli basically fits the profile of a child soldier. As in, raised from a very young age indoctrinated to a specific world view that encourages violence and strength and loyalty. But not so stupid that he can’t engage with the world outside this view. Rather, when people show him kindness he has been taught to perceive it as either attempted manipulation or disrespect (because it implies he is weak enough to need it). There is no one in thei game remotely equiped to help Eli, and everyone who tries only makes it worse because they think of him as a kid instead of a dangerous enemy combatant (which he absolutely IS and the game TREATS him as such and he treats HIMSELF as such). 

This also fits perfectly with what we know of Paz’s background, and while Paz wasn’t really 16, her ‘education’ probably began fairly young (tho older than Eli I would think, she seems to have a better grasp on the potential for a normal life).

So basically. Zero just has a history of raising children to be fucked up murder tools is what I’m saying.

to that end, I kind of think the Las Enfantes Terribles project was Zero tried to create the Perfect Soldier via his manipulation bullshit network, fucked up in some way (or someone deliberately fucked it up, since as seen by Skullface Zero doesn’t actually have eyes on everything), so we get Eli, the Better Twin, raised by the Patriots, and then David just sort of dumped into America, kept track of but not deliberately constructed for a specific purpose.

I’ve never really interacted much with the deeper fandom on MGS tbh, but lately it kind of weirds me out that ‘Otacon is definitely a sexist creeper who co-opts the death of women around him into plot elements for his Big Deal Hero Story’ is not a meme that seems to come out of this fandom. Like. He does this CONSTANTLY, and okay at least with Emma and Naomi we can claim a certain amount of relationship there. Though his obsession with Naomi, who he barely knows, is certainly ALSO creeper behavior. But Wolf?? She gave half a shit about him and his response to her death is to treat it like a hurdle in his personal growth whereupon he is now ready to undergo the Figure Out How To Love Again stage of his personal anime fantasy. It’s creepy as fuck. And yes, it’s not how the narrative is intended to be taken but when did we ever let that stop us?  According to the NARRATIVE, Rose is a flawless and caring girlfriend that Raiden is lucky to have (MORE ON THAT LATER). In point of fact Otacon is an entitled weaboo creep who if told Wolf was gay would probably regret having woke up that morning.

WHICH. I am COMPLETELY FINE WITH. It’s good character shit! It fits REALLY WELL with his connection to Huey who is one of the best portrayals of an abuser I’ve ever seen. He grew up with an entitled asshole dad it is no surprise that Otacon, growing up media that ALSO loves to portray and reinforce those entitlements, would also come to see women primarily as actors in the dramatic story of his life.

OKAY ON THE SUBJECT OR ROSE. DO YOU KNOW WHO IS THE BEST? ROSE IS. The girl who got everything she wanted in life with no exceptions! Who was raised by and single handledly manipulated her way out of the thumb of the patriots! Who manipulated her boyfriend into being completely devoted to her, had his son, lied about his death, drove him to alcohol abuse, faked breaking up and moving in with another man. The Patriots have a lot and IMMEDIATE history of stealing babies to manipulate events and she just noped the right fuck out of that and encouraged key players from the sidelines until the bodies that governed her entire life were turned to dust then slid back in with a cute little ‘I lied, =)’ and regained her perfect idyllic family with her hot cyborg badass husband. NAME A SINGLE MGS CHARACTER WHO MORE GOT EVERYTHING THEY EVER WANTED THAN ROSE DID. NO ONE. ROSE GOT EVERYTHING SHE WANTED AND SACRIFICED SHIT (*due to being too crazy to consider the severe psychological harm she did to Raiden as much of a ‘sacrifice’).

Like if Ocelot had dreamed of a happy marriage to a total badass with a kid and a successful career instead of destroying the structures that govern the world to reduce society to a lawless wild west anarchy where his bae would be the biggest badass around, he would basically just have been Rose.

So yea obvs Rose was unironically intended to be a good portrayal of a capable woman in a loving relationship or something. Whatever. I don’t care. Kojima is a sexist trashfire. Correct.

What I’m saying is my love for Rose also makes me want to go down armless and screaming under a beached submarine adorned with the faces of my father figures.

I am STRONGLY of the opinion that Ocelot manipulated Big Boss into abandoning Kaz. In the Truth tapes Ocelot VERY MUCH makes it sound like Kaz is basically aware of and onboard with the general plan, and the ‘plan’ explained to BB is to replace him with a Phantom so he can disappear off of Zero’s radar. So BB has been in a coma for 9 fucking years and when he wakes up the two people most loyal to him in the entire world have been conspiring to do the nearly impossible and make him invisible to the hyper vigilant spy network that manipulates events worldwide. Who the fuck is he to be like ‘nah?’ While ostensibly The Boss, BB has always been heavily guided and influenced by others and fairly amoral. That’s how Kaz was able to manipulate him into starting MSF, even though BB grumbled constantly about having no particular desire to do anything that grandiose. He doesn’t respond heavily to ethics but he responds to empathy (which is why Zero and Kaz use Paz to manipulate him) and REALLY RESPONDS to personal responsibility (why he clings so hard to the Boss but abandons her when he perceives she has abandoned him and all LIKE him, I.E. all of MSF).

So while he is definitely still responsible for Venom, it’s not really any more so than Zero, Ocelot, and Kaz, all of whom knowingly used him.

When Ocelot lights BB’s cigar and sends him off, he has Kaz’s glasses in his pocket ;D He was fully aware Kaz was captured and being tortured and says N O T H I N G, and he KNOWS what effect it would have because he USES IT TO MANIPULATE VENOM. The very fact that this information would motivate Big Boss to save Kaz is pretty undeniable in light of the fact that it is used to manipulate a dude brainwashed into THINKING he’s Big Boss.

What im saying is Ocelot broke up their marriage on purpose and I love him?? Im telling u Ocelot and Rose are soultwins.

I think it is charming that Ocelot likes to pretend that he is not a crazy joyful sadist, but I also like to imagine that he got his reputation as an amazing interrogator by just torturing people for funsies, then pulling out information he already had due to being a super spy.

I headcanon that Kaz’s daughter, Catherine, was an adopted war orphan who he left behind a sizable inheritance of dirty war money which she uses to start an Anti-PMC PMC corp, and fueled by a desire to unravel the war economy her father, if not created, put on a fucking steroids, she funds Raiden in his efforts to murder a shitload of PMC CEOs in Metal Gear Rising 2, the game I will never get because Konami is terrible