#He is so SEXY you guys don't get it
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CFO just walked in wearing a tshirt and jeans and istg i am LOSING IT
#PLEASE JUST ONE CHANCE#Fucking hell#He is so SEXY you guys don't get it#Daddy 🥺#cfo#Mandy has a crush
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One of the things I just love so much about the Smallville fandom is that we've all just agreed that regardless of who you're pairing him with, Lex Luthor is a fucking Sex God.
It's particularly interesting because the show barely gives us ANYTHING to support this. We have one (1) Lex sex scene, plus one deleted scene, and while they're both hot, they're not at all spectacular. Zero characters, including Lex himself, discuss his sexual prowess (or lack thereof). And yet somehow, every single fic I've read (and written!) paints him as absolute dynamite in the sack.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not disagreeing or complaining about this! I fully support Sex God Lex Luthor (as evidenced by my inclusion of my own writing). I just find it SO interesting that we've collectively decided it. I feel like it's a competency kink sort of thing: Lex is shown to be someone who is generally very successful at everything he puts his mind to, so it does track that he'd be good at sex too. I don't know what, if anything, the comics have to say about his skills, so I can't draw any conclusions from that side of things.
I just adore the fact that we all looked at Lex Luthor in Smallville canon and went "yup, that guy FUCKS."
#also interesting to bring Michael Rosenbaum into the equation#like I think he was hot as fuck#(and I still lean that way about him currently but I can appreciate that not everyone will agree)#but he's absolutely not your standard Sexy Guy#especially for the early 2000s#(and next to the likes of Tom Welling/Jensen Ackles/Justin Hartley who very much WERE the standard!)#the entire concept is so fascinating to me#and it's so ubiquitous!#I mean sure nobody wants to read/write bad sex#but like...we barely got ANY scraps from canon#and fanon is absolutely aligned regardless#I'm also obviously speaking from a place of somewhat bias#in that I have not sought out any fics where Lex is portrayed Evil or something#so maybe those don't fit the mold#but then if you didn't like the character I feel like you wouldn't be writing him in sex scenes anyways?#maybe doing Evil Things#but like...he's probably still good at them even if they're Evil lbr??#I don't know I'm babbling now#up past my bedtime reading smut and this is what we get#thoughts friends?#lex luthor#smallville meta#not spn
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come get your levitous sidekick / vicious bastard / funny little guys
#don't tell the sheriff. that a couple of outlaws are having uh a halfhearted tussle or really cozy talk if you like#there's like a dozen of us here & i'm standing in another room saying this but a rando crops up like how & why have you just been around??#let's kick off '25 with Not That....meanwhile so totally unrelatedly i'm looking for a sexy singer & you're doing finger stuff; buddy#putting the g in g spot by way of: stands for gator. clench & death roll....but no. he's a crocodile. lotta options for c spots#corned beef#bsol#coconana#messed up like bloodsong is so Fun Sketches to me but even those take me eons. why couldn't i have done twice these in one sitting plus#a winston quant billions going :] plus i dunno whatever else floated my boat. unfortunately b/c then it wouldn't be me doing my things....#only 2/5 of these from canon but as gone on about idk where the Fake Blood was involved in turkey leg. just that it was. so#also didn't think about [sidebar with myself you forgot like angel & backlighting type imagery for Introducing Santa Violetta] like ah#so i did. well whaddaya gonna do...find & reblog the post that's like speaking of likeaprayer striking me like head first prayer second#smthing along the lines of ''muffled by dick in my mouth: lmao faggot'' there's some plausible coconana antics lol. steps; intervals....#can't have it be like ''be tender w/me bro im begging / bro im trying to find your g spot'' wouldn't beg for tenderness (cocodrilo)#or call anyone bro or much similar (either of them) like maybe i've waive the latter to try applying that to the musician/banana but yknow#in the meantime. funny little guys i cannot overemphasize this. bloodsong of love i also cannot overemphasize this#bilesong of hate....don't get me wrong Not a case where i only enjoy certain elements plucked out of canon / not as a whole#did i ever listen to that show straight through w/Ease....but if it Had been nothing but a vessel for lo cocodrilo times. god Damn#lo cocodrilo#bsol banana#also didn't think about how lo cocodrilo doesn't let go of the kazoo even to play it. mostly inadvertent Choice for top pic there#an issue that quickly arises w/like a prayer specifically: these characters don't have names. what's that mean peak literal lens?#i.e. seeing bsol itself as the less than totally literal method of storytelling that it is....idk & it wouldn't super matter#but i sure do think it'd be fun if they're treated as / perhaps actually [no name] on any possible layer of interpretation#[rando who firstnamed themself but besides that it's like eh & Where My Outlaws the less known the okayer]
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See I think if I'd been born a guy I wouldn't be this pathologically avoidant trying to plan my career because there are plenty of situations you can find as a cis man where you just Do Tasks in awkward silence and you can get to those as a woman but you have to go through the rings of hell socializing first and then besides, a lot of those jobs already have so many men that you stand out when the whole point was you Don't want to do that
#you gotta be god's strongest soldier to survive this shit and i am not! i am god's weakest most pathetic soldier!#i survived five years of customer service crying weekly and getting harassed and being a baby about it#when i got promoted no one would listen to me and it made me constantly anxious and then so tired it took me a year to be able to#think about having a job as something remotely positive and stop crying about it#idk how other women are doing this shit a guy treats me like his sexy servant and i feel BAD and upset for years#and think of what he said 7 years later and they only touched me on the shoulder and made comments other people go through worse!#but i am not strong or determined i just want to go through my life in peace and stop talking to people altogether#it wasn't just guys who treated me badly older women made fun of me and called me lazy and stupid#tutoring was fine but i felt like i was putting on that same performance and at that point it all felt so awful i just. didn't want to#i can see no way out of talking to people for the rest of my life and it gets me down sometimes#i know i get to come home but even then i will probably need people to live with#i basically only like my family and close friends talking to me sometimes even that is hard#sometimes it's way easier to type and feels less awful#i think i have to just keep on keeping on until i can finally get good enough to freelance edit and code that's the only thing i can think#of doing that doesn't make me cry#emails are fine they suck but i don't have to control my face and tone so.
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y'all would give up and pass on shang tsung
Shang tsung
He's loaded and you'd never have to worry bout nothing monetary for the rest of your life
He's handsome af and he's even cute as old man shang
He's a powerful af sorcerer
Anyone who dares hurt you will have their souls taken and "ripped a new one" nobody hurts his beloved
He's cunning,scary intelligent,and always has his composer even when shit is fucked. Even when he has some doubts and worries he always holds his head high. This is a man who oozes confidence and clarity.
He's fucking fashion sense is immaculate
And you're gonna tell me you're gonna pass on cary hiroyuki tagawa's shang tsung. And on cary hiroyuki tagawa in general?!
That man is handsome. That man been serving. Like bruuuuh.
Note: * Too many tags and talking in tags so i apologize. I could go on forever.*
#like coooomme ooooon!#shang tsung in mk11 was the best he's ever been#mortal kombat#shang tsung#self shipping#self ship#💚heart and soul🐍#shang tsung mortal kombat#mk f/o#antagonist f/o#villain f/o#villain/antagonist f/o#mini vent kinda#cary hiroyuki tagawa#like y'all gonna pass up on that man!? what is wrong with y'all? are y'all blind?!#like shang tsung in mk11 is hot af#like are people that much thinking an asian male character has to look lioe a k pop star or babyfaced to be handsome af?! i don't get it#like shang tsung in mk11 in his young form is sexy#i personally love him as old man shang tsung but that's just me and that's not for everyone#but his younger rejuvenated form in mk11 that looks like the 95 movie yall really gonna pass up on that?!#foh shang tsung in mk11 is PEAK!#boss af too#god people have no taste#if you say you hate shang you a liar he's an amazing villain and antagonist#and you gotta love that charisma he has#half the people that pass on mk11 shang tsung are in denial i swear#you'll come around they always do#but in all seriousness shang tsung is an amazing character and for people to not think so is a travesty#y'all are new im sure so i plead with you plz go watch the 95 movie and cary hiroyuki tagawa's movies and interviews#you'll love this guy i guarantee it
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i could say a lot about anasui as a character but from a solely design standpoint... you guys. he is literally just diavolo but worse
#sorry anasui fans#<- that is my anasui hater tag you can block it if you want. i don't hold anything against anasui fans i just don't like him#i will never get over how people shittalk diavolo's design and then turn around and stan anasui like ''omg hes so sexy and gnc"#sure he has shinier hair ig but... the fucking feet top#diavolo's design is a total mess but in a much cooler and betterer way okay. i don't make the rules#even if it's not worse it's still just... way too similar? that's all i could think about when i first read SO#like man this totally unrelated guy looks just like the villain from the last part. that's weird#rambles#i know this is a controversial (though unsurprising from me) take so iam turning reblogs off to avoid getting mobbed
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currently obsessed with in-universe roy/jamie rpf. have you any thoughts on this topic?
So.
I am assuming that this in partially in reference to that fic that's been making the rounds and I did read the fic and I do have one opinion on the fic that has haunted my waking hours which is:
Why would Roy's sister be into X-Files fanfic?
I'm not saying it isn't possible, and this may be a stupid hill to die on, but given her assumed age bracket this was not the fandom I would have given her.
The interest in medicine. The familial brand of sarcasm and sharp wit. The easy assumption that since her brother also has a bit of a dark sense of humor ('avenge me, keeley', ropes) she likely does as well.
You fools. She'd be into House MD.
(no disrespect at all to the author your fic was lovely I am just very much from the age bracket in question and this one detail threw me for a loop the way different experiences sometimes do)
#as for the actual thrust of your question my short answer is idk#usually when i think of how the media audience would work in ted lasso i just...get sad#because it's never just the fans that love you#there's also the fans that despise you. that are watching to see you fail#'the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading' etc#so like with in-universe rpf that would be just a small token of what they have to deal with#and like i get it. this is supposed to be just a fun exercise#fandom looks at fandom through the meta lens of fandom#and this sort of contemplation completely ruins the mood (sorry)#but when it comes to in-universe rpf this is where my mind goes#so yeah i am definitely not the guy to write this fun zany plot#i'd be like 'well roy is used to no privacy having been a dancing monkey in the media spotlight for twenty years'#'every public breakup every ex who spilled gossip about what he's like in bed'#'every time he went through a checkout line and there was a tabloid photo of him in sweatpants with a circle drawn around his crotch'#'so roy thinks he deserves a goddamn break. also how is this different from the sexy polaroids people used to send him?'#and jamie would call him a fossil and tell him people don't do physical photos anymore they do photo manips#and then jamie would show roy a picture on his phone of roy and ted spooning in the moonlight and roy would throw the phone out the window#(and secretly maybe roy's a little hurt because no one ever considers that maybe he'd like to be the little spoon)#ask box is always open
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thinking about those guns...
(peter parker's biceps in ASM#622)
#Thank You Joe Quinones#the opera length fishnet gloves really do accentuate his biceps so well#nadia rambles#nadia reads comics#peter parker#spiderman#*fondly* what an idiot but i appreciate his dedication to the mall goth aesthetic even if he was too much of a coward to wear lipstick#or nail polish for that matter but in his defense one of those things is much more long-lasting than the other#like ACTUALLY thank you joe quinones though this peter is... gorgeous. his nose is gorgeous and his biceps are sexy#even if he looks like a dork with all that white makeup#update: i saw another pretty peter with beautiful thick hair and a nice face while browsing the wiki last night and guess who drew it?#that's right. joe quinones. this guy GETS it#(idr what it was from though so don't ask XD i already forgot)
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NOT TO VAGUEPOST BUT SOME PPL I FOLLOW CLEARLY DON'T FUCKING KNOW TUMBLR CULTURE AND YOU CANNOT CALL URSELF A TRUE TUMBLRINA IF YOU DON'T RESPECT NIGHTVALE
#I NEVER GOT INTO IT BUT AT LEAST I KNOW IT'S HUGE TO TUMBLR CULTURE#OH MY GODDDDDD SOMEONE I'M FOLLOWING KEEPS POSTING ABT HOW MAD THEY R THAT THE NIGHTVALE DUDE IS WINNING#LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPP OF COURSE REIGEN WOULD LOSE HE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE#YOU GUYS ARE SUCH FAKE TUMBLR FANS COME ONE#IF YOU JOINED WITHIN THE PAST 4-5 YEARS YOU WOULDN'T GET IT. YOU REALLY WOULDN'T#STOP COMPLAININGGGGG OH MY GODDDD#EVERYONE WHO CARED ABT THAT TMBLRMAN SEXY SHIT OR WHATEVER WAS NOT EVEN A SEXYMAN CONISOUIER#DON'T CORRECT ME ON THE SPELLING THAT WORD I'M ANGRY AND TIRED RN#IT IS SO FRUSTRATINGGGGGG#LIKE YOU GUYS RLY THOUGHT TWITTERS PERCEPTION OF TUMBLR WAS MORE TRUE TO TUMBLR THAN TUMBLE ITSELF. AND IT SHOWS#<- THAT TAG IS THE ONLY SENTENCE THAT MATTERS
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EXACTLY
one big thing i think people outside fandom (like, all fandoms, fandom in general, not any particular one) tend to misunderstand is they know it's a subculture of people who are weirdly deeply invested in fictional media, and they hear about drama caused by people in those subcultures being unhinged in not-fun ways, and they think the unhingedness comes from the fact of being overinvested in works of fiction.
which is a natural assumption, but in my experience that's not really the case? like in my experience the drama llamas in fandom are usually not the ones who are just genuinely very deeply into the fiction. i've known people who are basically thinking about star trek or x-men comics or supernatural pretty much 100% of their free time and ime that type of person is usually very nice and surprisingly functional in their regular life. when someone's a constant nexus of fandom drama it's usually not that they are obsessed with the actual work of fiction the fandom is about, it's at least one of the following:
what they're obsessed with is not the source material but their unhealthy parasocial relationships with one or more of the people who created it
what they're obsessed with is not the source material but some elaborate shared-universe subset of fanfic about it that's only barely related to the original at this point, and/or an esoteric reading-against-the-text reinterpretation of the source material (often if the canon is active and ongoing this leads to becoming actively hostile toward it for its inevitably increasing failure to conform to their preferred fanon)
what they're obsessed with is not the source material but the fandom itself and gathering clout within it, so that the source material basically only exists to them as a tool for scoring points in increasingly arcane fandom disputes
and very often you get the same person doing 2 and sometimes even all 3 of these, and that's where the trouble really starts
#I feel so bad for the ones who created TSP#I mean there are stupid little children who don't understand that the (AMAZING) voice actor is just... well.. a voice ACTOR#he voiced chars in other games as well#it's not like he only exists for that game or even his work in general#he is so friendly and a good guy#I am so sorry if he had weird fan interactions#oh god... me included...#(sorry Sir.. I like your work and your voice and sarcasm okay?)#at least I was very respectful even if I may behaved like a teenage girl in love (he's incredible okay...)#and I think there are many autistic people in that fandom who don't care for the source material but for projecting shit onto the character#I also have psy. problems but I respect the people who created that and the source material#and how they do not get his sarcasm... I feel bad for him if he realized how many children disovered it through tiktok and don't get him#Sir it is not your fault. the sarcasm is obvious.your voice is sexy as hell and you are so skilled...you deserved this more recognition tbh#but not from children like that#and there are so many because of that stupid tiktok who have never played the game at all#there are at least 3 versions (depends on what you count as version) and they don't even care to play ONE#but at least the creators and him know now because of that fame that there are a LOT of people who love his voice.I hope the creators useit#and no that disembodied voice is not gay and that ordinary man (tm) is also not gay or a different gender or whatever#this game is about an ORDINARY man who doesn't think for himself! that is the whole point of the game!#if you keep your fantasies to yourself and the people who love that idea okay but...#eugh.... don't expect other fans who played ALL official versions and the people involved(!!!!) to accept your fantasies#this game and fandom is not about you and your problems with your romantic or whatever preferences#the people mentioned in the post and in these tags have one problem - they are too egocentric#this game touches so complex topics like free will and self reflection (something some of these 'fans' should do more often ironically)#it should be praised like the brilliant piece of media that it is
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Obligatory roundup of tabletop characters I played this year:
Vyv (they/them), a cleric of The Twins in yumgeon (a homebrew Dungeon Meshi-inspired campaign)
Amber (she/her), The Old Soul in a game of Wickedness
Endurance Perez (she/her), a Teamster pilot in Mothership
Not pictured:
Poggs "The Slammer" Mulroney (they/them) in Doing the Job
(Links to icon makers: one, two, and three.)
#Amber had ghost magic :) and was menaced by deja vu and false memories. great things for a divination specialist to experience#she made a series of increasingly augh choices including assassinating a couple of people so she could utilize their ghosts#and becoming the court magician for Imperator Bloodchoke (who was actually a pretty cool guy)#she was also the only coven member who wasn't part of the polycule with Sexy Josh#our Wild Spirit DID wind up being corrupted by the Underworld and Amber fell into a perpetual dream coma trying to find a way to save her#Poggs was a pro wrestler with a pog-related gimmick#wherein they slammed their opponents into (extremely expensive second-hand) pogs#they were also living in a friend's car and were absolutely certain that they could be impressive enough at this tournament#to have their big break (and of course win the affection of their mentor and crush Big Daddy Longlegs)#they did in fact get their big break BUT AT WHAT COST#they got bitten by another wrestler and had to go to the hospital immediately after the tournament sljfdlkaufdoiau#somehow despite the living in a car and the romantic drama and the second-hand pogs they were probably the least messy wrestler#they weren't involved in the mistaken identity love triangle involving World of Warcraft#and ALSO weren't a trust fund baby who was obsessed with the idea that being poor made you a better wrestler#(although they did get their pog collection from that guy)#(Riggs Radwolf you will always be famous)#Endurance and Vyv are both in ongoing campaigns so harder to talk about them#Endurance so far has mostly managed to avoid shredding our spaceship in a cloaked debris field#and is currently exploring a deserted space station while trying to keep anyone else from realizing that she's panicking#(because secret reasons)#Vyv. Vyv my beloved. Vyv has so many problems. just an unbelievable number of problems.#they have a -1 to charisma and the dice are bearing out their complete inability to interact with other people normally#they also are incapable of stealth ever#they also do not have a weapon and only sort of understand how their own magic works#they are a cleric to two deities who do not like each other and also have been leaving them on read for like 5+ sessions#but don't worry! the morally questionable wizard grad student in the party thinks that Vyv's magic can be used to break wizard magic rules#and Vyv trust him implicitly :) surely he is not planning anything morally questionable! :)#anyway Vyv rolled too high on an intelligence check last session and threw up which really is the way of things#Queenie actually says something on this blog#LARP is just pedagogy for nerds
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talking to guys is not for the weak omd
he just said he really likes me (i said i don't do relationships and he went but :(( ur so sexy?? is it me??) (it isn't) (so i reassured him and everything like haha yeah u r so sexy and funny im just scared of intimacy)
ANS THEN IMMEDIATELY ADTER I SAY GOOD NIGHT HE ASKS ME TO SEND HIM SOME "PICTURES"
#lord help me someone is dying tonight#i say guys.. i mean like anyone romantically#he is 18 though why do i do this to myself#m.txt#i'm banking on no one ever seeing this if you see this no you don't haha ur so sexy#i'm rambling so i don't kms#ITS CHRISTMAS FUCKING EVE CAN I CATCH A BREAK#she says as if she didn't get herself into this situation
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please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!
gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.
SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:
diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.
non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.
the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.
now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.
if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.
if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.
this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.
it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.
but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.
#I found their original stuff while I was researching various waterhorses and their folklore for no reason#because one of the characters in their original work happens to be an each uisge#and then it turned out it ALSO included a lot of figures from welsh folklore in general#so yknow if you happen to have my incredibly specific hyperfixations you'll love it but even if you don't it's great#I didn't mean to bring up phantom of the opera so much it just happens to be very relevant to a lot of my talking points#I haven't actually seen it in years
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tbqh I did seriously consider just walkin out on him
#spyder#tmi tmi tmi#i hope he knows i coulda done that n not felt bad in the slightest#i hope he knows i only didn't cause i'm better than he is💕#so i don't do that shit to people even if they deserve it#also i'm not _actually_ tryin to make him worse n we all know he can't deal w/ his emotions like an adult so#i guess i can do a little handholdin if that's what it takes#he's lucky i'm not a loser who needs to exert power over people to feel ok abt himself💕 unlike him i just do it for fun#n he's not even a loser in a sexy way smh#w/e though i get my payback by just throwin his own words back at him lmao#who's the good boy NOW huh??#if he discovers some things about himself n maybe chills down a bit...all the better#just need to keep in mind his fucked up ideas abt consent also apply to himself#maybe i'm a lil fucked in the head but i really do need to psych myself into not messin w/ him too much when it'd be soooo easy#n i could do so much damage he 100% deserves#but i don't wanna go down that road. i think. i don't wanna be that guy.#just tryin to teach this boy some manners like babe are you sure you wanna be sayin all that w/ my nails anywhere near ur dick#they're sharp for a reason#that'll be good enough for now n if i get bored i can always just drop him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#spdrvent
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Knock You Down a Peg or Two
Pairing: Husband!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: Someone learns the hard way that it's a bad idea to upset Bucky's wife.
Word Count: Over 1.5k
Warnings: Established relationship, violent threats (not against the reader), protective vibes, implied sexy times, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).
A/N: I'm in a mood, lovelies. We can consider this in the same universe as Mr. and Mrs. Barnes and Handsome and Beautiful. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
Bucky was no longer the Winter Soldier. He told himself every day he wasn't a cold killer anymore. He did his best to make amends and worked hard to clear his name. From time to time though, people pushed his buttons and got under his skin. You helped him brush it off. Their opinions didn't matter at the end of the day, only yours.
You mattered to him more than anything else. So, if someone bothers him, yeah, he could let it go. Someone upsetting you? He wouldn't stand for it.
Bucky's eyes narrowed as he spotted the little weasel sitting at the table in the break room alone. A few hours ago, you called him to vent about how this guy repeatedly tried to make you look bad in front of your superior during a meeting. It wasn’t the first time either. Your tears of frustration were obvious by your tone on the other end, though you tried to hide them. You worked hard, harder than anyone else he knew, and you took your job seriously.
He saw red when he heard you sniffle and it was the only color he had seen since then.
“Give me his name.”
“Bucky, no,” you had argued. “The guy’s a prick and I just needed to vent, so you don’t-”
“Please, baby,” he whispered, knowing full well you could handle yourself, but you were his wife and someone took joy out of your day. Not just that, they made you cry. He took this personally and he wanted to defend you. “Just give me his name so I can take care of it.”
You softly gave him the name, and he made it a priority to find the asshole. It didn’t take him long. No one even questioned why he was asking. It must’ve been his “murder strut” and glare. You once said it could break even the strongest of people.
He headed toward the empty chair beside the agent, careful not to make a sound. His stealth assisted with that. Once he reached the chair though, he made it a point to scrap the chair across the floor to get the prick's attention. The annoyance in his eyes quickly shifted to fear when he realized who he was looking at.
Good. He hoped he pissed his pants.
He made a show of slipping off his leather jacket before taking a seat, making sure the agent got a good look at his metal arm. He also made a show of getting one of his knives out, one you gifted him. “I think we can skip the introductions since you know who I am and I really don't give a shit who you are,” he began, his voice low as he twirled the knife between his fingers. “But I understand you know my wife and, well, she’s the reason I’m here.”
The guy blinked when Bucky made eye contact, the blade still expertly weaving in his hand. “S-Sure. Everyone knows your wife.”
Bucky smiled softly, taking a second to glance at his wedding band. “I’m usually not one to brag, but I can’t help it when it comes to her. She works hard and deserves all the praise she gets, but she’s still humble. Appreciative. Loyal,” he boasted, still smiling before he glared again. “She’d never throw anyone under the bus, especially in front of a superior.”
The little weasel cleared his throat, sitting up a bit straighter in his chair. He seemed to notice for the first time that they were the only two people there. “Look, I don’t know what your wife said, but-”
Bucky pointed the blade at him. “I would think very carefully about what comes out of your mouth next,” he snarled, his eyes as cold as ice.
There was a beat of silence as the guy squirmed in his seat and averted his gaze. Bucky wished you were there to see it. And Steve and Sam. “I may have run my mouth a bit. I just wanted to knock her down a peg or two, you know? She keeps getting promoted and…” he swallowed when Bucky’s eyes narrowed to slits. If this fucker even thought about implying that you slept your way to get where you were today, he may actually cut his throat. “Please, don't kill me.”
The silence after that statement may have been uncomfortable for some, but Bucky didn’t break a sweat. No, he was just thinking of all the different ways he could put him in the hospital for even thinking he had a right to put you down. Putting the knife away, he slowly got to his feet. “Get up,” he said quietly, flexing his hands in intimidation.
“Fuck.” The man nearly knocked his chair over as he stood. “Listen, I’m sorry,” he blurted out, putting his hands out in front of him. “I’ll apologize to her first thing tomorrow, I swear.”
“You think that makes up for it? And are you sorry for trying to make her look bad or are you sorry that you’re under my radar now?��� Bucky’s stare remained steady as he knocked his chair out of the way, the piece of furniture nearly splintering when it hit the wall. “Everyone knows what I'm capable of, but do you know what happens to people who upset. My. Wife?”
Bucky refused to say that you cried. The asshole might take that as a sign of victory and he wouldn’t give him any sort of win. He didn’t deserve it. He didn't deserve to be in the same space as you.
The guy’s mouth parted as he took a few steps back on shaky legs. “I-It won’t happen again! I swear!”
“No, it won't, but how about I cut your tongue out so you can’t run your mouth again? Maybe pull out your teeth, too?” Bucky knocked the table away next as he advanced. “Or how about your eyes so you won’t look at her either. Hell, I’ll settle for taking your arm. We’ll match.”
The man let out what sounded like a whimper, his teeth nearly chattering from his fear. Scaring people had given him nightmares, haunted him, but it fueled his fire when he terrified anyone in your honor. “I won’t bother her ever again! I’ll tell my boss she deserves another promotion! I'll transfer! You have my word! I’m sorry!”
Bucky laughed after a moment, a bitter, chilling sound before he held up a hand. “I’m just fucking with you.”
His eyes were still wide with fear. “W… What?”
“I was just trying to scare you a little. You should see the look on your face,” Bucky chuckled again, lightly smacking the guy’s cheek. “Listen, you don’t have to transfer and I’m not going to torture you. Just apologize to my girl and we’re good, okay?”
“Okay.” He let out a breath and chuckled, too. “You really won’t torture me?”
“No, I won’t,” he grinned, grabbing his shoulders. “But I will knock you down a peg or two.”
The prick didn’t see the headbutt coming, but he felt it before he hit the ground. Bucky knew he’d feel it in the morning, too. He got off lucky.
“You know, after you apologize to my wife, I hope you do stay so you can see her continue to thrive,” Bucky toed the guy’s body with his boot. “And speaking of, I need to go buy her some flowers, chocolate, and wine. She deserves it.”
Grabbing his jacket from the broken chair across the room and brushing it off, he whistled as he left the room. He waited until he was a good distance away to call. You picked up on the second ring.
“Hey.” You sounded much better than you did earlier. “So, what’s the damage?”
“Hey, baby,” he smiled. “I headbutted the prick. And before you ask, my head feels great.”
The former assassin may get suspended for that and damaging the table and chair, but he doubted the asshole would have the balls to speak up about what happened.
“Bucky…” you sighed. You were probably pinching the bridge of your nose. “What am I gonna do with you?”
“You’re gonna let me eat you for dessert when I get home,” he smirked. Not that he needed an excuse to dive between your legs, but he'd take any chance he had. “Figure I'll give you at least two orgasms before dinner.”
“Is that right, Mr. Barnes?”
“That is right, Mrs. Barnes.”
The sound of your giggle spread warmth through his chest. Your happiness was his happiness. “Better not keep me waiting,” you teased, pausing for a beat. “Thank you.”
“Nothing to thank me for,” he said. You always stuck up for him without question.
“Love you.”
His heart swelled more. “Love you, too.”
He’d have some more explaining to do once he got home and would probably have to pay for the damage he caused. He was also sure that you were plotting the demise of the man’s career and would tell him that he didn’t need to do anything, but he wanted to. He was no longer the Winter Soldier.
But he was your husband and he’d defend you with his life, no matter what.
Violence isn't the answer, but this is fanfiction and we all deserve a loving Bucky. ❤️ Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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I know it's 2 am but I must complain about something.
#🐇#my two dick dragon book was good right. like it was cute. like.....it's no beowulf obviously I get it but it was fun!#it was hella short though but like it's part of a series. so I was like fun! let's read the next book about a kraken. what could go wrong??#like tentacles! fun!..........................not fun.#this guy is so fuckin miserable. his husband died like idek when. it could have been a year ago#it could have been 20 it's all he talks about. then he's around the main character#and he's so overcome with lust whenever he's around her that he's like I MUST FUCK HER 😤#with the tentacles even and it's not even fun or sexy because he literally bolts immediately after!!!#that is TOO close to my real life bitch I do not need this amount of realism when I'm trying to get silly nasty#I'm like almost half way through it and it's like bro if you bring up the dead husband one more fuckin time#you don't understand how often it's brought up. he literally fucks the main character and then he's like but.............my dead husband 🥺#that's not plot. that's not good conflict or drama or whatever. I'm gonna kill someone just shut up and get weird with the tentacles#the dragon was sad. but then he was like oh! my wife is hot! life isn't so bad! Then he bites her cooter#THAT is the world we should be living in.
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