#He deserves to realize how horribly he's been treated by everyone in his life

[danechka]

Behold: Dimension J-8188, my rnm OCs lolz

[makismei]

(18+ somewhere randomly near the end bc my pussy took over) it is currently 2:57am and while i was writing an upcoming fic, i suddenly thought of nanami, as your underclassman at jujutsu high... not proofread (possibly incoherent) i am sorry i finished at 5am

he's two years younger than you, but he's been enamoured by you since he spoke to you back when he was sixteen on your eighteenth birthday, hosted at gojo's condo.

almost everyone was drunk, courtesy of shoko managing to get her hands on bottles of tequila and vodka. you were barely tispy, finding a completely sober nanami stuck to a wall with his eyebrows pulled together. he doesn't like it here. he wants to go home. but this is what being a teenager is like... right?

through flashing lights and loud music, you told him that cherishing your youth goes beyond what he's seeing before his eyes.

with you being a third year, he rarely saw you at the school. up close, he realizes how beautiful you are and that your perfume suits you so well.

"being a child is just fine," you say, as if you aren't only two years older. "you have your whole life to experience partying."

you end up outside on the balcony, talking all night about anything and everything.

and nanami learns, at sixteen, what uncontrollably clammy hands feel like, stuttering over simple words and the desperation for more of your presence.

since that night, he looks for you on campus when you are between missions. in the beginning, he couldn't find the courage to start conversation, but slowly, it starts to come to him easy.

over the years, he's seen you introduce your older boyfriends to your friends. he's also seen you get your heartbroken because the men that you chose to love were straight up losers.

what is he to do? clearly, you have a type and it's not him. although, he is confident he can treat you far better.

you like dark hair and tattoos, "manly" looking men but they don't even hold the door for you. what the hell is wrong with you? nanami swears, if he was yours, you'd never look back.

nanami is freshly nineteen, listening to you talk to shoko and utahime about how relationships are no longer worth your time. something inside of him feels disgusting because you're pouring your heart out and god, he just thinks you're so beautiful.

when he confesses to you for the first time, he is twenty-one and it's winter. it's been three years since your last relationship and you haven't pursued another since. he knows it's a long shot, but he goes for it anyways.

you smile, hand on his arm, "you deserve better than me, kento. but thank you, truly. i'm flattered you think of me so highly."

nanami raises a brow, "who doesn't?"

you're halfway into your door, smiling sadly. "you'd be surprised."

six months later, you're in cahoots with a horrible man and nanami thinks he's going to go bald early. why do you do this to yourself????

since his confession, he's tried to be mindful so he doesn't make you uncomfortable. but in the most friendship way possible, he tries to show you there are men (meaning: him, he is best fit for you) that are willingly to love you the way you deserve (him).

you, on the other hand, are biting your nails as far as you can, you cannot be catching feelings for nanami kento? you've never seen him in a romantic light, even after he confessed, but recently there has to be something poisonous in the air.

you blocked that douchebag two days ago because talking to him makes you feel disgusting. but you think you might unblock him to save nanami.

nanami cannot be yours, sure he's younger than you and you swore you would never date a younger man because they're so "immature", but nanami is a good... mature person. he is honest and hardworking, growing into his features and in turn, becoming more handsome as the years go by.

you'd be lying if you weren't jealous thinking about the woman that he would call his one day.

you think it's for the better. nanami cannot get caught up with your antics. he's really only seen the good sides and the thought of him seeing your bad sides makes you nauseous. he'd hate you, for sure. then what would you do?

but it doesn't matter, you don't even like him like that! but he's such a good friend you can't fathom the thought of ruining your friendship.

but what if he gets a girlfriend? you're pacing back and forth in your living room, obviously you can't be close with him anymore because that is just so suspicious.

oh my god. you're spiralling.

what do you do? you call nanami.

you tell him everything and more, that you're sorry, that you might be confused but your gut is telling you otherwise. you cry on the phone to him because you're at a loss and you feel so guilty.

nanami does not say a word or make a sound.

until, you hear a knock on your door through the phone and in real life.

"will you let me see you?" he asks, desperate. "i need to see you."

"you had me waiting for so long." he mutters, hips swinging into yours. he has you in a mating press, forehead pressed against yours. "am i making you feel good, beautiful? tell me."

you nod, legs quivering at his sides. "you're so good—i.. i think i'm gonna cum again!"

he shushes you, kissing you so deeply your mind goes blank. he starts thrusting harder and your mind is so mushy you can't even kiss him back. nanami groans, this can't be real. you feel so good that he might get addicted.

he can't let you go now that he's had a taste. he's not letting you go.

you love him. you told him in a panic over the phone.

you love him.

he needs you wholeheartedly and even though he had to wait almost eight years, he would gladly wait another eight years because if it's not you, it's no one. over the years he's loved you one-sidedly, he did a lot of thinking.

a silly high school crush ended up swallowing him whole. he was searching for you in all the blind dates gojo made him go on because gojo was convinced he was cooked and that you would not like him back.

so to see gojo's jaw dropping when you kissed nanami on the lips in the jujutsu tech courtyard, made his heart swell.

he was always yours.

you think that maybe, you've loved nanami for longer than you've thought.

"thanks for waiting for me." you breathe, "i'll make you happy."

nanami smiles, "you will always make me happy."

[bump-inthe-night]

Vivziepop pretends she's sex-positive but treats being sexually active as a "flaw" that needs to be corrected or deserves to be insulted in both of her shows.

A good example is Angel, who’s torn down for being a drug-addicted, abused sex worker. Charlie, who’s supposed to be the epitome of “moral goodness” and his redeemer, is uncomfortable with discussing sex. In Angel’s comic, she’s too embarrassed to even say that he’s a sex worker and tries to avoid speaking about it. In episode 4 of the show, Charlie expresses interest in his sex work once, but that’s it, never speaking about his job or Valentino’s abuse ever again. She’s too afraid of speaking about Angel’s life as a sex worker and treats it as an embarrassing aspect of him. 

In the song “Loser, Baby,” he is insulted for being an abused sex worker who uses drugs to cope with his trauma and how he needs to realize he’s a “loser” like everyone in Hell with his abuse minimized and blamed on him. Instead of building Angel up and wanting him to do better, he’s mocked and told to lower his self-esteem and to quit making a big fuss over being physically and sexually abused by Valentino. The worst part is how he embraces this and is convinced that he’s a loser. 

Vivziepop wants Angel to be a confident sex worker who enjoys sex and is proud of his sexuality. However, she ridicules him for his confidence and for abusing drugs to cope with his abuse. So far, Angel’s redemption has just been tearing him down and making him feel guilty for who he is and his trauma. Vivziepop is only fine with making her characters sexual when she finds it arousing, funny, or needs it to sell merch but other than that, she finds it repulsive to be like this. 

You can’t claim to be sex positive but treat being sexually active and loving sex as if it's a horrible flaw that needs to be fixed or should be shamed.  

[joemama-2]

when death loves, death loves hard. death loves beautifully. death loves dearly. but death loves horribly.

death doesn’t deserve love, is what most people think. why would that be the case? death is everyone’s fear, it haunts and follows you until your last breath and last blink. they call it the Grim Reaper.

such a nasty name for something so beautiful, is what suguru thinks. suguru thinks he’s seen death before, he has honestly. has come face to face with death. but the death right in front of him, with a pretty smile on her face and sunlight highlighting every gorgeous detail, suguru begins to think that this is really death, the Grim Reaper.

and what’s worse? you don’t even realize it. suguru is a smart, perceptive man. he can see a sheep in wolf’s clothing. or a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

it’s bad, he knows. getting close to death when in the end, it’ll be him next. but he thinks he gets small peeks at what his demise is like, when he finally will be reaped, when he sees you interacting with people other than him. other men touching you, you touching them back. your smiles sent their way instead of his.

yeah, this is death.

you use, steal, lie. he does too. it’s a continuous cycle. one that will never end, he assumes. but for some reason, he likes it. he almost craves it as much as he craves you.

loving death is horrifying. but death loving him is even more.

because is death loves him, why does death hurt him? oh right, because you’re death. and death only wants one thing in the end.

suguru blindly follows what you tell him to do. it’s a complete contrast to how he treats his cult members. but death can change anyone and everyone.

he’s your scythe, and for that, he’ll always cherish you. because death does not just allow anyone to be hers.

he can hear your whispers in his ear, guiding his hand to swallow whatever curse, mutilate any body. yet all he can think in that moment is how good you feel against him. how your warm, soft skin pleases him and makes him smile.

when you tuck his hair eyes from his eyes, when you brush your thumbs across his cheeks, when you kiss him softly. everything. he embraces it, welcomes it because if he doesn’t he’ll be casted down to hell. at least, that’s what he thinks.

who loves death? only people who crave it, wishing that they’re next.

but that’s what you do, isn’t it? collect souls on their last day, when they’ve accepted defeat and when they’re ready to move on from this horrid life.

suguru has been waiting for that day for years now.

when it finally comes, he’s happy. he’s relieved, he’s freed.

and because suguru loves death so much, he tears up in delight as your figure stands before him before kneeling down. you brush hair away from his eyes like always and kiss his lips.

he knows it’s time go. and you know it’s time to take him.

“i’m ready.” he whispers against your lips, voice hoarse from blood loss.

and you just nod, smiling like an angel. when you’re anything but.

“i’ve been waiting.”

your hand lingers on his chest and there’s a foreign sensation that runs through him. like he’s being sucked away, his soul being torn from his body and dragged to who knows where.

it doesn’t hurt, instead it feels wonderful. it’s freshening. his last thoughts are “finally.”

the ending sight he sees is his best friend crouched down to his left, once bright eyes full of sorrow and longing.

[sneakyboymerlin]

Worst most tragic quote of any show ever:

“Some men are born to be kings… I was born to serve you, Arthur.”

How everyone else isn’t horribly unsettled by that line of words fuckin’ astounds me.

HE DOESN’T SEE HIMSELF AS A PERSON!

And he tries to twist it into a positive thing!

It’s the fact that he suddenly believes that anyone is born to be lesser or greater than anyone else. The equality he hoped for at the original round table? No sign of that here. He’s been so socially abused that he’s resigned himself to being “less than.” It’s been impressed upon him again and again that he’s predestined to be Arthur’s inferior.

He doesn’t realize anymore that Arthur wasn’t born superior to him, with a grand entitlement to the monarchy’s hoarded wealth. He doesn’t realize that the scraps he has to his own name are disproportionate compensation for the work he does! He doesn’t seem to recognize that leadership should be divorced from concepts of unlimited power and greater wealth, that a leader should not be “above” their subjects, except when it comes to his own power and leadership. Then, he’s stopping people from bowing to him, and speaking to his followers as equals. But when Arthur expects and enforces the rule that he is treated with greater respect than anyone else, treated to greater luxuries, and that his work is ~more important~ so others (like his servants) don’t deserve their share of the wealth, that’s seen as completely normal and uncorrupt. Arthur’s an over-glorified CEO, and Merlin is placed on the lowest tier. And no one sees anything wrong with this political model?

He genuinely believes that he is Arthur’s inferior, morally and spiritually, and that the position he was born into (as a poor farmer, then servant, and “monster”) was intended to reflect that, as some sort of payment for his ~innate flaws~. He believes that Arthur specifically was born king because he is superior, that he was born into his insurmountable political/social power & wealth because he is somehow more deserving of it, when Arthur is just like any other person ever.

And it’s even wilder because he doesn’t think this about Uther or Morgana! It’s like Stockholm Syndrome. And what’s worse is that the narrative glorifies this perspective, doesn’t treat it as the horror that it really is, doesn’t engage with it as an idea that needs to be challenged.

It’s so different from how he approached his destiny in seasons 1-4, it’s arguably just out of character, plain and simple. He used to have some fight in him, he had a sense of self (even if he was lacking in self-worth, which is why he was so susceptible to this). He knew that he deserved to be seen as a person, as capable, as dignified. This negative development in his character, that he believes he doesn’t get to simply exist as a human being, that he only exists to serve the needs of others, while everyone else gets to just be a person without their very existence needing to be justified… it’s disturbing! How do people romanticize this? He’s an immortal martyr. When he can’t die for his cause, he gives up his life.

Merlin is more than a weapon, more than a shield, more than a thing. He wasn’t born to be used! He’s just a person, he deserves to simply be. Everyone does.

I hope he learned to after Arthur and Gaius died.

[foreverautumn89]

@miwiromantics

Also can I just say that I hate the anti-Jonathan fans with a passion because they're awful people in general? And they like seriously remind me of the townspeople of Hawkins? Like exactly like them? They are them and its so funny they don't even realize how they act exactly like them but they hate the Hawkins townspeople. And Jonathan is their Eddie Munson. Think about it. They don't understand him. They don't try to. They believe lies others have made up about him even though the truth is right in front of them. They make him out to be a monster when really hes a hero and been a good guy all along. They ignore all the goods hes done, but hyper focus on bad things hes done. Bad things btw that they've spun their own narrative on.

But back to Jonathan and the anti-Jonathan ppl specifically: They care only about looks and appearances and no matter how horrible you are and how many bad things you've done, if you're hot enough to them, you're forgiven automatically-no matter how awful you were. Actually in some cases they even claim that the character in question never did anything wrong to begin with even though its clearly not true. Meanwhile, Jonathan who has been a good guy all his life and did one thing wrong that they make out to be something it wasn't, is evil and a monster and worse than Vecna a serial killing child abuser. And in fact-they even like Vecna. Talking about how hot he is and justifying his actions because ''his mom was mean to him''. They even defend VECNA over Jonathan. VECNA. Because why? Because hes hot and hes sexy and powerful. But Jonathan? eww.

They support Jonathan's abuse. They support him being abused by his father as a child and being locked in a trunk and thrown around. Saying he deserved much worse. They support Joyce treating him badly and think she should be worse to him. They justify him being bullied and tortured by people and claim his bully was the victim in it. They take the sides of people who have tortured him in the past. They make up lies about him to make him look like a monster. Things they know not to be true. And then back each other up on it even though we ALL saw what really happened. They have said he is worse than Vecna multiple times said he's worse than a child abusing serial killer.

Let's not forget Jonathan was abused and bullied and tortured all his life and those people have said many times that he deserves a lot worse. Cheering on his death. Cheering on Vecna torturing him and doing horrible things to him. Cheering on the idea of people hurting this abused tortured child even worse. Making up fanfiction to satisfy their desire to see him 'put in his place' and making the other characters like Nancy and the kids and everyone be their mouth pieces.

Why are we begging for those people to come to our side again? Even if they did realize that Jonathan wasn't the monster they paint him to be and start attacking other characters instead-I don't want that. i don't want people like that over here on Jonathan's side and I have to interact with people like that and then they're making other characters out to be monsters so we Jonathan fans look like trash. Hell to the no. They can stay in their own filth. I dont want them around me. It's bad enough we're already in the same fanbase thats close enough for me thank you.

And I don't want to hear from anybody else reading this Damn its just a show they're just characters. I get that. The issue is these peoples mentality. Jonathan is a character, but the people in their real lives are not. They look at a bullied abuse victim and can't see any good in him only see the bad and make up bad things about him and treat it as the truth so they can justify their cruelty. They make up lies to justify hating him and wanting to see him abused-they're this vile to a *fictional* character imagine how they treat abuse/bullied victims in real life.

[marshmallowprotection]

hiii hope ur doing well !! <33 it is me once again hehe

so i have this dynamic between seven and my self-insert-ish oc esias and got curious about something ! how would saeyoung react to an extremely affectionate s/o? :0 not in any way that actually crosses his boundaries but someone who is just really, really in love and grateful, a teeny bit obsessed in a good way and wants to spoil him always cuz he deserves it ( ～'ω')～

Saeyoung has never been adverse to affection. There are people who may think he is because of the way he reacts to the player during the apartment stay, but that has nothing to do with his desires. That has everything to do with the fact that he's paranoid about causing hurt to the player by loving them, after having seen what his choices did to his baby brother whom he loved dearly.

He pushes you away with zero regard to what his heart really wants because he doesn't want you to suffer like Saeran has, but his actions show just how desperate he is for love, YOUR LOVE, he just... needs you to give him space to come to that conclusion. He needs time to cool down that brain of his that's thinking of every horrible thing that might happen to you if you stay with him. His face... is what you'll find if you open a dictionary to the word "paranoid", after all.

The fact that you're mushy-gushy and attracted to him isn't a bad thing. He appreciates that you're open with your heart because he's never been able to be that kind of person. He had to forgo anything selfish in the name of protecting his brother, and he doesn't regret having to do that, but in the same vein, it eats away at him now and again as he learns what it feels like to be a man who's allowed to be happy any way he wants.

Learning how to have free will isn't as easy as it seems.

But, you make it feel like it could come easy.

There's nothing better than knowing he's allowed to be loved, and to love in return. He sighs happily every time you crawl into his lap and pepper his face in kisses. He eats it up whenever you flirt with him in the messenger, much to the chagrin of everyone else, because it's... it's proof he's allowed to be a normal guy. He's not afraid to be open with you. He can say what's on his mind, even if he's not sure of what those thoughts might mean, because you've helped him realize that being honest and open with his feelings includes the emotions that aren't always pretty, too.

That's what it means to be in a relationship... to be with someone who loves you and is willing to work with you if you need time to sit with yourself and breathe. Knowing that there's no reason to doubt your love for him affirms his faith in himself, and holds back most if not all of his insecurities. Sure, you could date someone who didn't come with as much baggage as him, but that's not what you picked. You chose him, and you love him.

You didn't hesitate to choose him, and you're not determined to have "something better".

You want to be with him... just as much as he wants to be with you. There's never been any doubt about that, even when he lied about that to himself. Because, the cat robot called him out in an instant. You don't design a robot to take care of someone in your place, only to have that robot tell you that you shouldn't be so down on yourself because you're with the person you loved enough to create for.

Smush his face in your hands, coo over how cute he is, treat him like you would a stuffed animal that gives you cuteness aggression, and see how long it takes before he does the same to you. You've seen the way he reacts to Elizabeth the 3rd, and she's a little kitty he wants to scoop up and cover in forehead kisses. But, you? You're his love and he won't hesitate to spin you around and toss you on the bed for the coziest make-out session of your life! You can toy with him as much as you want, this is Saeyoung we're talking about!

What's better than indulging in your love?

Literally nothing, says the hacker!

[nevermorgue]

Hello Hayley! I've been binge reading your Nevermore headcanons and I LOVE every single one. If you're taking requests, may I ask for some Montresor and Morella friendship headcanons please? I feel like they would tease each other, but be able to bond over a shared love of food. Thank you for all of your work :D

YES!!! I was so inspired by pluto’s morella and monty platonic art in the server. i love the idea of them getting along. but to start, i’m gonna be evil

- Obviously things wouldn’t go so great. Morella doesn’t like him and actively stands up against his nonsense. Montresor probably only sees her spectre, really. He understands that her defense skills are necessary. Probably thinks she’s too kind hearted. Probably also thinks she’s stupid to some degree, but not entirely because of how she stood up to him.

- I can only imagine their relationship changing if Morella just kinda forced herself to tolerate him to keep the peace as much as possible. She doesn’t want unnecessary problems to arise (like the wall thing) nor does she want to feed into what he wants (her to snap/react)

- So her method is to attempt to treat him the way she treats everyone else. Montresor finds it amusing, using her kindness against her and purposely being worse to get her to break.

- That backfires. He’s trying to put her on a Will/Ada level, but Morella is too headstrong to be fooled. She’s kind to be kind, and his pleasantries don’t work on her. If anything, she’s more responsive when he drops the whole charisma thing- because he’s being REAL.

- With this dynamic established. Imagine. She’s a great cook. She ends up making a big meal for the misfits and is oh so kind enough to save a bowl for him. She knows damn well he doesn’t deserve it, but her continuing to be nice to him despite how horrible he is…it’s kinda like a game between them now. She’s trying to say she’s better than him with every kind act. And he’s not only entertained/mildly pissed, but he’s stubborn and wants her to snap and drop the act so he plays along.

- “Lemme guess, doll. Poison’s in here. Naw…maybe dirt.”

“Just spices and care, Montresor. Try it!”

And of course, it tastes fantastic. He says it tastes like shit and slams the door in her face. He eats the entire bowl.

- As time goes on, Montresor doesn’t realize it but he’s starting to see her as less of a game like his lackeys and more of a neutral company that he doesn’t really necessarily hate. And he can tell that their ‘game’ goes more and more stagnant as Morella becomes less faux-kind, allowing herself to pout or scold him. It’s become less of a “try to get the other to back off” and more of a natural sort of interaction.

- She genuinely asks him if he’s ever brushed his hair in his life. He proceeds to answer by running his fingers through his hair, only to cuss when he hits a particularly nasty knot.

- She just kinda tosses a spare hair brush at him. She’s not willing enough to touch him/comb his greasy ass hair for him, but at least gives him the means to do it himself.

- I do agree that they bond over food. They have big stomachs and Morella is just so good at cooking.

- Ada invites Morella to sit with her and Monty in the common area once. She was hesitant, but agrees after she’s encouraged by the misfits to go for some strange reason.

- But once the interaction starts, Morella can tell that Ada doesn’t really want her there. She keeps glaring and tugging Montresor’s sleeve, as she always does.

- It doesn’t dawn on her why she was invited until Ada spills it.

“Why did you want her here so bad, dear? I wanted my alone time with you…” Ada would whine. Ada doesn’t HATE Morella, but she’s still not very happy about their argument in the cellar.

Morella can’t believe what she’s hearing. It wasn’t Ada that wanted her here- but Montresor

- She grins. She has no idea what their relationship really is or if it can be anything other than a okayish neutral, but perhaps this moment right here is proof that Monty can feel something that isn’t cruel or unnecessary.

- And Montresor? Refuses to look her in the eye. She’s not terrible. But don’t get him wrong, it’s only because she’s in the middle. Not smart enough to be on Annabel or Prospero’s strategy levels, but not pushover-y enough to be of any use to him. That’s it.

[fandomworld9728]

Polyship Week - Blitzo/Stolas/Lucifer (Day 3) + Alastor & Adam:

Queerplatonic Partners/Beach/Reverse Tropes/Through the Years

(Lucifer is in a QPR with Stolas & Blitzo, Alastor is in a QPR with Adam The reverse trope being used is everyone is convinced that you aren't actually dating)

"Beach day!"

"Luci don't run off without sunscreen again! Remember last time!" Stolas called out to his partner from under the umbrella they had set up.

"Ha! That shit was so funny. They were red all over and pouted for two weeks."

"You too, girls. Come over here and I'll help you apply it. Honestly, we are a family full of pale beauties."

"Oh! Vaggie is here! Dad, can I go over and say hi?"

Finishing getting coated in sunscreen, Lucifer had her sit down. "After we get you cover too, duckie."

~

"Why did you drag me to the beach? You know I hate crowded places. Especially out in public."

"It's for the girls. Besides, I need you to keep all the female attention off me. Lucifer is here- Hey! Get back here you asshole!"

"You and I may be partners, but I will not let you have my love so easily Adam!"

"Wait for me, Alastor!" Running after her father figure, Niffty quickly jumped on his back.

"Dad, why do you and Alastor fight over Charlie's parent so much?"

Oh boy. Of course she would ask him that. How did he even begin to explain that? And too a teenager no less. "Um... pass?"

"It just doesn't make sense to me. Lucifer is already in a polyamorous relationship. There's no reason to fight over them. Especially when they like you both already."

"Vaggie! Come swim with me!"

Seeing his daughter smile and run over to her girlfriend, Adam couldn't be happier for her. After everything she had been through, she deserved to be happy and have this love. He also thought about what she had said.

Vaggie was a sharp kid and usually knew what she was talking about it. But it was more than Lucifer accepting them both as their partners. They were both competitive and possessive men. They also had to get past Stolas and Blitzo. And their three daughters.

~

Sitting in the sand, Alastor had somehow been roped into helping Lucifer and Niffty build a sandcastle. He blamed his weakness to the Morningstar puppy dog eyes that Lucifer had taught to his daughter figure. Although, he supposed it was worth it to see the two of them spending time together and getting along.

"So~ Al. There's a rumor going around the office that you and Adam are dating."

Alastor couldn't stop his scoff from slipping out at the idea. "Heavens no. I have no interest in dating. Least of all Adam of all people."

"I was right! I knew he wasn't your type. You don't know him that well yet for it to even be a possibility. You two are like me and my partners. I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't listen."

That surprised Alastor. He hadn't realized that he had gotten close enough to Lucifer to be comfortable around them to share that sort of information freely and let it be easily noticed. He also can't believe they had remembered that about him. It usually took others a few times of being reminded before they remembered.

"Yes. That is exactly what it is. I appreciate you trying to correct those gossip hungry co-workers of ours."

This was... nice. Could this be the life Alastor could have if he stayed in this world until Lucifer died and took their rightful place on Hell's throne? Sharing these special moments, soft smiles, and time with their daughters? If so, then he supposed that pretending to be a human wasn't completely horrible. He could get used to it.

~

"Charlie. I didn't expect to see you here today."

Here and Vaggie had been enjoying the day together and treating it like a little date. They had been taking selfies together by the water when Seviathan had interrupted them and her good mood.

"What do you want Seviathan?"

"I'm here to see if you've changed your mind about going out with me."

"No. Stop asking me. I told you already that I have a girlfriend."

"We both know that's a lie. You've already got my attention, baby."

Ew. Okay, Vaggie didn't know who this guy was, but he was two seconds away from having a broken nose. "Was my girlfriend not clear or are you just stupid?"

The Seviathan guy looked her up and down before laughing. Loud and obnoxiously. If Charlie wasn't here, Vaggie would fuck him up. But she knew Charlie wasn't a fan of violence.

"Is there a problem?"

Oh. Charlie's two beautiful cool older sisters were here now. Thank goodness. Now if Vaggie lost her temper they would either beat her to it or hold her back.

"No. No problem, ladies. Just laughing at the funny joke your sister and her friend made. Honest, Charlie, if you want me to believe you're dating someone at least pick someone better-"

The three girls gasped as Seviathan hit the ground. Did Charlie the pacifist, who cries when she steps on bugs, actually punch this jerk?

"Stop laughing at and talking bad about my girlfriend! I'm not interested in you, and I love Vaggie!"

"Wow. Did your girlfriend rub off on you?"

"Nice punch little sis. I knew those lessons would pay off."

{1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7}

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

"I am sorry!!" James yelled after her.

His voice was desperate as his feelings. But he couldn't believe it. He couldn't bare the face of disappointment Lily had after finding James fighting with Snivellus.

Alright, Snape...Severus...

James had tried. He really had tried to be a better person. He had realized that his jokes and his pranks weren't always innocent, that his problems weren't the center of the universe because there were worse things, and that he just couldn't had everything he wanted in life.

Maturing and growing up had slapped James's face in many occassions. He had learned to be better because of her. Because of Lily.

James was in love with Lily. And once, he had believed he didn't deserve her after everything he had done, how he had treated her and how he had wanted her without considering what she wanted. Now, James had accepted that if Lily had given him a chance it was because he had been given the opportunity to be better. And he was not going to waste that opportunity.

James was Headboy, a leader in many people's eyes, more responsible (which pissed Sirius off sometimes), he was more careful with people and the jokes he made, he helped everyone who asked, especially those more vulnerable.

James liked being the hero. Because Lily's smile and Lily's kisses, and Lily's "I love you"s were his best reward.

But there was something about Severus Snape that got the worst out of him. The second James was in front of him, he paid him attention, James became immediately the villain.

"Lily, wait!" James continued to follow her around the halls "You didn't hear the nasty horrible things he was saying about my friends, about me and about you..."

James knew Snape didn't hate Lily like he hated the rest of them. He had insulted her because he was hurt. But James had exploded the second Lily's name had been pronounced from that filthy mouth.

He had punched him. Snape had attacked back. And James punched him again...

Lily kept walking. James followed her.

"You understand how he is, right? Always bothering my friends, especially Remus. He has something against him. You know how he is like..."

Lily suddenly stopped. She turned and James realized she had tears in her eyes. He hated himself for making his girl cry.

"I know perfectly well how he is" Lily said calmly as she crossed her arms "At least I know now" she said refering to the way she had defended Snape blindly "But I thought YOU were over that, James. I thought you were better than this"

James looked down, feeling ashamed.

"Why do you always have to be the winner?" she asked "You have to have everything, don't you? You have the nice family. You have the money and the talent and the success.... You have the golden loyal friends who would do anything for you... And you have your dream of playing rugby and if that doesn't work, you can just work at your father's company..." Lily made a pause "Severus has nothing!" Lily sniffed taking some air "He used to have me, and only me, now you have me as well"

James frowned. He hadn't liked what Lily had said. It wasn't that he had asked for any of the privilages he had. He felt guilty for them.

"You're not an object, Lily" James shook his head "You chose to be with me willingly. I didn't make you... I didn't..." his eyes filled with tears "You are with me because you love me, right?"

Lily cried and for a second James got scared she was going to say no. That she had made a terrible mistake.

"Of course I love you" she exclaimed, and James was relieved "I just feel guilty, okay? I feel very responsible!!"

The second Lily began crying harder and covering her face, James ran to wrap his arms around her.

"Oh gorgeous"

Lily hugged him tighter as she cried in his chest.

"I know what he says about your friends" she said as sha pulled away and wiped her tears "I know he probably hates you all, including me for being with you..."

Wanker...

"And I feel responsible for every nasty thing he says and all the hatred he has inside..."

"Lily..." James wanted to protest.

But Lily carried on "Because I was his only friend and the only person who cared about him!" she yelled "And he hates that you guys are my friends now and that you are my boyfriend, so he hates you more because of it, you know?" she sniffed "This is my fault"

"Lily!" James grabbed her chin and made her face him "None of this is your fault, okay?" Lily looked at him "You cared for him...and you gave him more chances than anyone could. And he didn't take them" he shook his head.

More chances than James would have liked. But he knew Snape was or used to be important for Lily and he wasn't going to question that.

"He just needed to fight and try to be better to deserve you...Because anyone who wants to win your heart and wants to deserve you, has to try and be the perfect man and not even then he would reach to your feet..." then he looked down putting his hands inside his pockets "And maybe not even I deserve your love"

Lily, to James's surprise chuckled, which made James look up.

She was smiling at him. And after all that crying, her smile was like a warm sun after a storm.

"Why do you always know just the right thing to say?" she asked "Of course you deserve me" she added "You are the only one that owns my heart, James Potter. I couldn't love anyone else" then she composed herself "Even if you make me angry sometimes"

James couldn't avoid but smiling like a child. She loved him. She really loved him.

"I love you so much" he said and sealed it with a sweet kiss on her lips. "I'm sorry again" another kiss "So sorry"

Lily grabbed his hand afterwards.

"Don't let him get to you again" Lily begged softly "That's what he wants"

James caressed her cheek.

"I promise, gorgeous" he said and he meant it "Help me be a better person for you. Help me be the man you deserve"

Lily touched his face with adoration. The way her eyes shone was something that left James breathless.

"Let's get that wound clean before it gets infected"

James hadn't realized he had a wound until Lily touched it by the corner of his lip, left side.

"Want to kiss it better, ma'am?"

Lily smiled and kissed James's wound carefully. James's heart started beating fast.

"No chance kisses also fix your thick brain?" she asked patting his locks.

James smirked "We can certainly try" he said "You can heal all my body now that you're at it, my sweet nurse"

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Come on, loverboy" she said as she grabbed his hand and dragged him.

James would follow her anywhere. To the end of the world. He was going to be the man she deserved.

Little did he know there were a pair of two eyes watching everything from the dark and building up resentment inside his chest even more.

[i-am-a-living-god]

wtf is wrong with Clear Sky

He's like worse then Tigerclaw and yet he's barley treated as a villain. he kicked out cats for being disabled including his own brother.

His own brother, a mere child, kicked out the moment he no longer has a use.

He murdered a cat for being in their home because he wanted to expand his already most of the forest territory, and then wanted to murder her children after he realized she was a mother who was only protecting her children.

He abandoned his child all because he was sour about his ex wife only to manipulate Thunder into abandoning his real family (Gray wing and Turtle tail) to join his fucked up little group of traumatized cats.

and then when his son breaks up with his girlfriend because he found out that she was actually just using him so that her murderer dad could kill his family easier. you know what Clear Sky does? He marries her!

He marries his son's ex girlfriend.

Who's dad tried to kill him and his family.

What. The. Fuck.

Also not to mention he's the whole reason for the shitty clan system in the first place.

Yup every problem with this series you can blame on Clear sky.

Gray Wing deserves a better brother honestly.

Ooh! We can't forget about the whole Falling Feather and Jackdaws Cry situation.

This mf took Falling Feather's very real concerns about how Clear Sky is leading as treason and then stripped her of all her rights.

He called a clan meeting just to publicly shame her and he told everyone that she is basically dirt beneath their paws and they can and should boss her around like she's worthless.

He told the clan that she is only allowed to eat the leftovers of whatever food was hunted, that she hunted herself because she was talking with her friend about how Clear Sky is kind of shit.

Oh did I mention that he grew up with this cat? These two cats have known each other since birth, how can he treat her like that?

He also threatened to kill Jackdaws Cry when he came to his camp to see his sister. They weren't even separate groups yet.

Anyway because of Clear Sky's horrible abuse of his camp mate's he ended up getting like ten cats killed (probably more) and Falling Feather and Jackdaws Cry ended up killing each other in this battle, all because Clear Sky is worried there won't be enough food in this pray rich forest.

He's greedy and doesn't even barely regret it.

He had two siblings kill each other because he is paranoid. The way Falling Feather acted in that battle really makes you feel how horrible Clear Sky's punishment must have been. She was so desperate to prove that she is loyal and not a traitor that in the end she ended up losing her life and taking down the one cat she cared for most with her.

Wow. Just wow.

The only "good thing" Clear Sky ever did was sacrifice his tail to save Gray Wings child.

I consider that just a fraction of a debt repaied. He still owes Gray Wing so much.

In conclusion, fuck Clear Sky.

And there are probably so many more awful things he did but I don't feel like listing them all. He's just the worst.

[always-sleeepy-headd]

Some sort of emo Cross shit idk what

Summary:

The Bad Guys were never very accepting of people, Cross however, they straight up didn't like. The bullying goes on and Cross can barely take it, he uses knives and lighters to ground himself but... he goes to far.And passes out, only for Killer to find him.Aka, the story of how Cross became the gang's favorite emo.

Notes:

I'm not sure if I like this story or not, I got a little lazy at the end.

Also I'm romantically in love with Cross if you can't tell with how much torture I put him through

________

Cross wasn't happy.

Far from it actually.

Not that it mattered, he only lived to serve now.

Cross wasn't treated well either.

Not that it bothered him, he deserved it for all he's done.

Every member of The Bad Sanses treated him horribly, or well, mostly.

He has seen kindness through their eyes, mostly directed at someone other than him but on occasion he's seen it towards him.

Nightmare, he was someone that could stand Cross.

Killer seemed not to have an opinion on Cross, maybe that was due to his soul but it made Cross's life a little easier.

Nightmare had touched Cross before, it startled him and he jumped backwards, almost throwing up then and there. That was a time Cross got a look of sympathy - dare he say a look of understanding.

Killer has engaged in conversations with him - that Cross with admit were in fact mostly one way, but he's not to blame for being too scared to speak to someone that if you gave any information to will immediately relay it back to Nightmare, he'd rather just talk to Nightmare if that was how it was.

Dust doesn't speak to him, the best he'll get is a glare or a shove. (Last time Dust shoved him he almost went into panic mode because Dust brushed his stomach and that was one of the especially bad places to touch him, too... Intimate.)

Cross doesn't have an opinion on Dust other than that.

Horror is so nice... to everyone except him, he always feeds him though so he can't be too bad.

Cross has a bad relationship with food, he goes out of his way to hide it though.

Horror clearly wants Cross away, he doesn't know why but will respect it he supposes.

Cross spends his days in the training room or avoiding everyone the best he can in the libraries scattered across the manor, never hiding in the main one because Nightmare spends most of his time there.

He's read hundreds of random books since he's arrived here, it's funny because back in his AU he never had time to realize his passion for books and surprisingly - science.

He's taken to reading books about random scientific ideas trying to explain the unexplainable, it's beginning harder and harder not to add something to that heater to keep it from breaking always.

Cross hates it when the heater breaks.

He recently has been going around and just fixing things if nobody's around, he refuses to anywhere near that kitchen in fear of Horror though.

He has fixed that damn heater about eleven times in the past three weeks, Nightmare has caught onto it by now, he fixes it so quickly that no one usually even notices it's out.

Cross hates the cold, he always can tell when the heater turns off because of even the slightest temperature drop, he's extremely sensitive to it.

Cross isn't the type to complain though.

Not now, not ever.

Which brings us to today, and Cross's newest, but at the same time, oldest problem.

Self harm.

He, per his usual routine, was walking through the halls of Nightmare's manor in his usual defeated way, headed right to the training room to overexert himself some more when he felt the strong urge of pain call to him.

His arms felt a little too cold.

He stopped dead in his tracks as the screeching for a lighter to cross over his bones felt more and more welcoming and kind.

It was so loud that it drowned out even Chara, the demon.

He needed to burn it all.

He turned around, he wouldn't deal with them today, he needs to cut and burn it all out.

And that he does, Cross walks back to his room, the feeling of icy death crawling up his bones again, the heater must have broken.

He'll deal with it later.

When he finally gets to his door, the castle is freezing, a cold Autumn's day upon them. He pushes his door open, not caring for the loud thunk it created as it slammed onto the wall opposite.

He almost falls over at the gust of wind, but that might have been an overstatement.

He closes his door with a slow unsteady hand, collapsing onto the back of the door as it closes. It was so cold, so, so, cold.

He wanted to stab himself right then and there.

Cross crawls to his box of... special things, it consisted of lighters galore, god forbid one stopped working and he didn't have another one. He also had knives of all shapes and sizes, as well as some products for if he went too far and was worried of an infection.

Hydrogen Peroxide, cleaning wipes, the high end stuff that doctors would use, and several bandages and bandaids.

He slips his knife out, pulling up the sleeves of his only protection to the freezing cold outside, he gasps as a breeze hits his bare bone. Staring

at his arm and the many healing wounds and scars, he pressed the knife into it, a sigh of relief escaped his lips, he was so tired; so, so tired of the bullying.

He presses it firmer and drops - little prickles of blood, began to form around the blade.

Cross looks at it and scowls, it's sad he cannot think of a way to handle this that would have him sustain less physical wounds, but he is yet to find something that helps the itch as this does.

He's pathetic.

Disgusting.

And a waste of space.

His father taught him that at least, if anything at all.

Ah, his father, the reason he has this brat Chara whispering insults and the occasional concern, which has been happening quite a little too often for Cross's liking.

The man who abused him through closed doors and behind the prying eyes of society.

The scars on his body - his body not theirs. The scars on his pelvis, not some normal scar that he would've gotten from being in the royal guard.

Purposeful.

Horrible.

Like him, he supposed.

He adds another to the collection.

He wants to vandalize himself, what's the point in not if he's already broken? His father already destroyed what was left of his fragile ego.

Cross suddenly feels the strong urge to burn himself, maybe cauterize his wound, so he takes the lighter and burns.

Tears fell down his face from the pain, he felt perverted in a way, the pain hurt so strangely, so lovely.

Suddenly, he stands up and is immediately hit by an extreme wave of nausea and dizziness. He's freezing cold yet burning hot at the same time, he stumbles.

He falls.

His head hits the corner of his desk and it all turns black.

...

Nightmare wasn't stupid, he knew how the others were treating Cross, yet he felt he couldn't - or more shouldn't interfere. Nightmare was however unaware of Cross's self harm, Nightmare didn't know everything.

He didn't know the extent of the bullying, he didn't know the effect it had on Cross, he didn't even know that Cross was capable of doing the things he does to himself.

But he sure noticed when Cross didn't come down for dinner.

The dinner table was silent, Horror glancing at his empty seat occasionally, Dust glaring at his seat believing Cross was being selfish for wasting such food that Horror poured his intent into making. And Killer? Killer was playing with his food with his fork, per usual. Nightmare knew of Killer's strange way of punishing himself when he knew Nightmare was keeping a close eye on him. He couldn't hurt himself in secret, maybe he could hurt himself plainly out in the open.

"I hate to be the party pooper," Killer says, looking bored. "But our newbie isn't exactly where he's supposed to be right now."

"We noticed." Dust grumbles and Nightmare sighs.

"I suppose someone should check on him." Nightmare says, because surely, that thump earlier was Killer doing something stupid and not him.

"I'll go." Killer says quickly, it was an excuse from the table, and he was nicer to Cross than Dust and Horror.

Again, Nightmare sighs, simply waving Killer off, planning to deal with him later.

Killer skips out of the room, humming a tune that was almost a mix of 'Frosty The Snowman' and 'Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.' It was that time of year for him already.

The walk through the halls to the living quarters was a long one, not that Killer minded, he liked walking in the halls, they always seemed to twist in a new way each time he walked through them, as long as he had been here for.

When he reached Cross's room, he leaned over and knocked thrice, a smile on his face and deep despair in his soul that he couldn't quite reach.

When Cross didn't even make a noise, the smile fell. He was certainly in his room because that's what Nightmare had said, hadn't he? Killer couldn't remember, but he was almost sure Cross was in there, and he had heard a thump earlier...

"Cross?" Killer yells for him, keeping a light and playful voice despite his confusion. "It's dinnertime!"

Still no noise came from his room.

"I'm going to come in there if you don't answer." Killer says, pressing his ear up against the door to see if he could hear anything at all. Killer sighs when there's no noise, "Fine, I'm coming in!"

He opens the usually locked door, and walks a few paces in before gasping. "Fuck! What the hell happened?!" He says, shock spreading over his face before he rushes to Cross's side. "Cross?!" He yells, shaking him, "Can you hear me?!"

Cross didn't respond and a sinking feeling set deep in Killer's soul, "Jesus, you better not die on us randomly..." He says, frantically looking around for something to stop the bleeding in his head before noticing the box.

"... What the hell is this..." He mumbled, looking through the lighters and knives - all sharpened. He grabs some of the bandages but gives up in untangling them in a second. Then he notices Cross's arms.

"Holy shit..."

...

Everyone at the table was sitting in silence, Dust and Horror were whispering to each other when Nightmare gasps.

"Nightmare...?" Horror mumbles in question.

"Killer is... in extreme distress." He says standing up quickly, "The situation may be more serious than we thought."

"What do you mean?" Dust says, standing up as well.

"I'm not sure," Nightmare sighs, "But Killer is really screwed up over something, I must make sure they're okay."

"We're coming with you." Dust says, Horror standing up next to him with a nod.

"Hurry." Nightmare says, and the three rush out of the room and through the halls to Cross's room.

When they got there they found the door wide open with Killer mumbling a low curse. "Killer?" NIghtmare says, a sense of urgency deep in his voice.

"Fuck- Nightmare get in here!" Killer says, with the same urgency.

Walking in the sight they saw startled them all, Cross was on the floor with a large head wound, his arms covered in blood and healing wounds that seemed to all be cauterized.

"Holy crap..." Dust mumbles and Horror looks on in horror. (Whoops)

"Shit." Nightmare says, before running over to Cross and checking him over. "He's... fine, well, not fine but this isn't fatal if we stop the bleeding now."

Nightmare sighs and picks Cross up bridal style, Cross, who's still out cold, flinches and instinctively leans away from his touch. Suddenly, it hits everyone how fragile Cross is.

He looks so small in Nightmare's grip so... traumatized. Like he went through stuff even they haven't.

Honestly that's what made Dust not like him so much, he had even worse things going on for himself than Dust did. That scared him.

Horror never liked Cross because of him not finishing his food, he thought he must be ungrateful.

"What happened when you got here Killer?" Nightmare asks, trying to keep his composure although he begins to pull Cross closer which provided Cross no comfort and only to start to shake gently.

"He was on the ground just as you found him..." Killer says, his voice betraying his worry, which Nightmare found strange because Killer mostly pulled slightly mean pranks on Cross.

Actually Nightmare found everyone's reaction strange, Horror and Dust seemed to have a resentment of Cross yet they look as if Cross is their close friend.

"I- I did find that there was a box... it had the stuff that Cross had been using to do- do that to himself." He continues.

"Stars..." I grumble, "How didn't I notice, I should have known." I say mostly to myself.

"I'm sure it was our fault." Dust says plainly, he sounded really upset with himself for some reason, maybe it was the fact he made someone else go through the same problem he himself suffers with, maybe it was Papyrus tormenting him about doing it, maybe he was comparing himself to one of the girls in "Mean Girls" that Killer made them all watch.

Cross had laughed several times during that movie, he only laughed at the parts that were supposed to be serious too. Killer looked very proud.

"..." Nightmare can't bring himself to respond, to reassure him of something he doesn't know true. "I.. couldn't tell you. I noticed the bullying but I was unaware of the extent of it that he would bring himself to do this."

Horror suddenly looks ashamed, "I... should have been more open..." He mumbles and Dust puts his hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry big guy we all should have." Dust says, wincing slightly.

They stay quiet as they bring Cross to the medical room, regret heavy in the air.

...

Slowly, Cross blinks his eyes open, he can't remember how he got in the medical room, he supposes he failed at something again like the stupid monster he is.

That was, until he realized his arms were patched up. "Shit." He mumbles, realizing he's probably going to get punished for not controlling himself and jeopardizing whatever plans Nightmare could have had for him for the day.

"Oh? Cross you're awake." Nightmare says, keeping out the urgency he felt when he spoke. "You had everyone worried."

"Somehow I doubt that." Cross says under his breath but Nightmare can hear him loud and clear.

"I would too if I didn't experience it." Nightmare says with a sigh, "They all looked super remorseful..."

...

To be completely honest Cross didn't expect what happened to happen after this. Everyone began to be so much kinder to him, he expected it to not last but holy shit.

Eventually, Nightmare pulled the truth out of him of what was happening, and more, of his father's abuse of the past and of his... eating problem. Which was relayed to Horror and then Horror was so incredibly nice to him he cried.

Luckily it was only Horror who saw, and gave him the biggest bear hug.

He didn't know that would send Cross into panic mode, the poor guy. Nightmare felt his emotions and whisked him off immediately, having not seen Cross like this before. That's when Cross told Nightmare of his past with his father.

And the start of Nightmare's overprotectiveness.

I suppose that's the story of how Cross became the gang's favorite, and the one they feel they have to protect despite Cross being stronger than most of them.

[iamfuckingsorry]

Sorry guys, another DE rant incoming. This one's not even on any specific topic, just some feelings about the game that I need to get out.

So, the game absolutely fucking killed me. I intentionally didn't play the entire thing at once to give myself time to process and it still fucking killed me. And by killed I mean I had to take crying breaks at work hiding in the bathroom. Like literally unable to go through a day at work without coming this close to a breakdown. And there's other compounding factors for that, sure, but still.

And it's like... It's a chilling social commentary with too many layers for its own good. The main character is a walking bundle of current and past issues mixed with the consequences of extremely messed-up past actions. The main support character has the best of intentions but is heavily flawed himself. Everyone else in the story is fucked up, really every single fucking thing is fucked up, yet the game itself keeps giving you these little snippets of hope. All the side quests where you can make a difference to someone. Deep conversations. Kim smiling. Realizing the people you originally thought were massive assholes were just hurting. The goddamn stick insect.

You are a violent and irrepressible miracle.

Something beautiful is going to happen.

In the dark times, should the stars also go out?

Streets and sodium lights, the sky, the world. You're still alive.

You still have some years. You still have some hope.

The only way to load the dice is to keep on fighting.

Kim being so hopelessly in love with Revachol even though he's been treated like shit by the city's inhabitants.

Harry being so hopelessly in love with Revachol, too, even though he can't even remember her.

The world is shit, but there's still all these little things that make it worth living.

And I'd... really love for that to be my take away. I would really, really fucking love that. But somehow, I can't.

Because no matter how much good you do preventing an absolute bloodbath in Martinaise, changes are coming, and they aren't good changes. The wheels are already in motion and they cannot be stopped, no matter how vigilant Harry is, no matter how much Revachol loves him.

22 years after Harry wakes up, Revachol's getting nuked to pieces.

Some 5 years after that, the entire world as we know it is getting swallowed by the pale.

Kim Kitsuragi will not live to see 70.

(Honestly, this is the line that kills me the most. He deserves to grow old, to look at his life and be happy with what he's done with it, at peace and fully accepted by everyone including himself for the first time in his life. And instead he's getting killed in a pointless conflict that will usher in the end of the world, or if he won't get killed then, he's getting nuked to death. Kim Kitsuragi will not live to see 70.)

Anyway. I know that that's part of the point. Horrible things are inevitable but that doesn't mean life isn't worth living and good things aren't worth fighting for. You can still fight the inevitable darkness while you're here, you should still fight the inevitable darkness while you're here, you need to fight the inevitable darkness while you're still here because if you don't, then what are you living for? And if not you, then who? If you lose your last sliver of hope, then you lose everything. Yes, life is terrible and terrifying, but life is also so, so, so beautiful.

And even when life is shit, it's all just part of a cycle. Sometimes bad things need to happen in order for the good ones to be able to come back again. One day I'll return to your side. After death, life again. After the pale, the world again. The good connected to the bad, intertwined so tightly they cannot be separated in any meaningful way.

And I think I'm starting to get there, I really do. After the pale, the world again. Even in the darkest of times there is always hope of a brighter future. After the pale, the world again. After death, life again. Un jour je serai de retour près de toi. The only way to load the dice is to keep on fighting. The stars will never go out, not even in the darkest of times.

But instead I just... I close my eyes and I think of Revachol herself begging Harry to save her, and I think of her burning, and I think of Kim not living to see 70.

And I want to cry.

[puhpandas]

Evan and Greg are basically your oc's!, what is your interpretation of Micheal in the modern au. Also how does mike not see Evan as a person?

Also flashlight duo is super cute

Has Evan ever been bullied at school?

the ocification beam hit them too hard...

I view Michael in my flashlight duo universe as being like. not how a lot of people portray him. as in he doesnt lash out for a reason. he isnt acting that way towards Evan because William told him to.

it's for sure affected by William's own actions, but as in Michael subconsciously learned those things. he isn't even on William's side really. he sucks as a father to both of them. it's just that michael doesnt respect Evan enough to see him as someone who is supposed to be on his side

Michael subconsciously learned growing up that everything Evan is is bad. and the cool people his age see people like Evan as weak, so he does too.

he lacks any emotional maturity, so a lot of his actions towards Evan are out of his own boredom and resent. he genuinely thinks his reactions are funny. if he ever did realize what he did was wrong, he would have to actually realize. he knows fully that what he does hurts Evan. he just doesn't care. he hasn't developed the intuition he needs to care. you know?

and Michael is around 16 if evan is 12. it's not that hes too young to understand, it's the lack of good parenting, or literally parenting in general. if Evans life is hell because everyone around him hates him, then that means its true. it means the people in hurricane dont like people like Evan (a boy who at his age should be getting manlier, but isnt. sensitive and emotional and physically small and lanky. evan literally has anxiety and paranoia and is neurodivergent and people dont really acknowledge that but they notice. and they don't like it)

the people in their town suck and are mean and so is Michael's father. so of course hes going to stick to what hes been taught and to everybody else who also believes it and is on his side. he was never taught that what hes doing is wrong. hes a bad person but it's a product of horrible parenting and the worst town in the world

in contrast to Michael, in the neglect and bullying Evan has faced its made him kinder. he is the one facing it so he wants to be kind to others instead of being like the people he hates.

I dont want to say he would be more in tune with his emotions than Michael because he wouldn't be. before Gregory, he was so unstable and miserable he was just a big ball of anxiety and emotions. he didnt understand his emotions and have that country mile on Michael's own emotional maturity because he didnt have it in him to learn

and by that I mean he didnt even like himself enough to want to help himself. hed been taught that theres fundamentally something wrong with him that makes him bad and weird and not like anyone else who's impossible to 'fix'. and hed been hearing that since he was a young kid, so of course hed believe it.

but then Gregory comes alone and slowly tries to strip away what Evan had been taught just by being kind to him and repeating kind things. the opposite of what everyone else did.

and that is what makes Evan begin to change for the better. the first thing he learns is that Gregory doesn't think something is super wrong with him that makes him bad and stupid so he starts to believe it a little, too. he begins to see how maybe how hes being treated is unfair and its him seeing himself as worthy of kindness that makes him upset on his own behalf. and what that means is he has better self esteem when before he was so insecure he could never even defend himself a little bit

and its after he gains some respect for himself that he learns how to help himself. he actually thinks he deserves it now, so with his support system in Gregory and his family he learns how he works. he learns what his phobias are and what sets him off and how to calm himself down. and of course he hoped all the way through that changing could be what 'fixes' him and the people around him wouldnt hate him so much. but like I said before its that self respect that confirms it's for himself and not for others

of course that stuff doesnt go away, but he improves. the people around him do notice. they dont care enough to say anything, they're more just suprised or happy hes shutting up in that mean way of theirs. but I think after a while of Evan being comfortable with Gregory and improving himself he would one day just snap.

before, he had layers and layers of nervousness and fear and anxiety and insecurity stopping his very high emotions from boiling over. and with the newfound respect for himself comes the anger on his own behalf of how hes treated.

so i feel like one day he would just blow up with all the emotion without the insane amount of fear stopping him. and it doesnt help, not really.

before, evan wanted to please michael and his father. but now that he wants them to know how much he hates them and how much they hurt him, they are pleased.

he gained more respect but in the worst way. not the way he wanted.

but back to their relationship, I think post-all of this, evan wouldnt want anything to do with him. let's say Michael does have a wake up call when they're both older. hes already ruined his relationship so much its unsalvageable. he caused evan to develop fundamental issues rooted deep (anxiety and paranoia, general things he learned about the world and certain people/groups and traits that he'll have to remind himself arent true) inside of him.

his family had their chance and they blew it hard. evan is definitely in the right to want nothing to do with him or William and to continue growing up and living and laughing with his actual family in his heart. they never get to make it official, but that doesn't matter.

anyway I went on like. a lot lol. for anyone who havent read my oneshot series this is based completely off of that au of mine and in my mind is canon to every oneshot if you do read them. thanks for enabling me to talk about flashlight duo lol you can tell I put so much thought into them every day its crazy

edit: to answer your actual questions lol: it's not that Michael literally doesn't see Evan as a human person, it's that he doesnt respect him enough to treat him with human respect. you know? everything evan is he has been taught is bad and worthless so that's what he thinks. so by extension evan is too

and yeah evan does get bullied at school. I always imagined it was less bullies pushing him into lockers and stealing his lunch money (Williams ass does not give him lunch money let's be real) and more that they just treat him awful. hes either invisible or in the way and then they dont care to be super rude to him. they dont just spout their exact thought process out but they all think of him badly and view him as a big joke. its less blatant meanness and more just treating him awful in general and that's what makes Evan think its normal and that hes asking for it when its not.

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you

[manicpixxiedreambitch]

When I was eleven, my fifth grade teacher was ableist to me, not that I believe he was doing it intentionally. But he knew I had ADHD and got mad at me when I showed symptoms. He called me lazy and disobedient. He told me not to use my ADHD as an “excuse to be lazy”. He nicknamed me energizer bunny because I was showing symptoms like talking too much, going too fast, etc. One moment that stuck with me the worst though was when he pulled me into the hallway and towered over me (this part might be a little biased though, seeing as he was a grown adult and I was a small child) and he yelled at me, threatening to fail me.

For doodling on my papers. Said that even if all my work was done correctly on the assignment, if I doodled on my paper he would fail me.

And so I cried because what else was I supposed to do? I was eleven. And looking back, I know now that the doodling was a compulsive thing I did to help myself focus.

But when he saw the tears he just yelled “I don’t care if you cry!”

And I remember saying in a small voice “I know.”

I stopped doodling so much on my papers after that. Sure, I’ve drawn the occasional flower or eyeball on my papers, but not as wildly, not as freely as I used to do as a child. He engraved that fear of failing in me so bad that for years I was terrified of doodling on my papers.

Now I am in my senior year in high school. My last semester. And I just realized, that he can’t hurt me anymore. He can’t fail me. And because I’m starting a new chapter in my life, I want closure on something that hurt me for years. So last night, I sat down, and I respectfully wrote the teacher a four page letter. First I explained who I was. How I knew him. And then I apologized, and explained that this was probably not the kind of letter he was expecting. How I was writing the letter for closure. I let him know I do not hate him, and that I do not expect a response, nor do I want him to feel any guilt as a result. The letters main purpose was for him to know he hurt me.

I explained that I understand that a lot of my childhood actions had deserving consequences, however I did not deserve to be treated the way I was in his class. I told him how I was being bullied a lot, and had no friends at the time. I told him how I had ADHD, and how the way he treated me for showing symptoms was wrong. I said I felt like an alien, and I was treated like one. I brought up the nickname he gave me, how to this day I hate it. I wrote about that horrible day in the hallway, how it was from my perspective and how what he said stuck with me. How I did not realize teachers could be bullies until I entered his class. I stated that I did not deserve that. I was a child. How I am not being sensitive or a “snowflake”. How I am not saying he should have let me get away with doing anything I wanted, but he could’ve handled me as a student a little better. That my teacher was supposed to help me swim, not scold me for drowning. I was not a bad kid. I was a troubled kid. And yeah, I know you can’t help everyone, but it still hurt me.

And then I explained once again that I was sorry that this wasn’t the kind of letter he expected to receive from a former student. That perhaps to another student he might have been Mr. Falker, but not to me.

I am not lazy, I am not willfully disobedient, I am a human being. I have a human voice, and human emotions. And he did not treat me as such that day in the hallway, or when I was in his class. How the phrase “I don’t care if you cry” will forever sting at me any time I am upset.

I told him that I am in my senior year in high school. I am looking into a career in the field of art. And I write books, I am an author. And unfortunately, I can give no credit to that man for these accomplishments.

And after I finished writing the letter, I started doodling all over the margins. It was uncomfortable at first, it felt like I had artists block for doodling. But then I remembered all of the doodles I used to draw all those years ago, and I started doodling more. And as soon as most of the margins were covered, I know this sounds dramatic, but I swear I heard my fifth grade self laughing. She was saying “You’re gonna get in trouble! He’s gonna fail you!” And I was hit with the most sobering thought. “He’s not.”