#He beat Sami by spearing him every week.

[fantasyismyonlyrealescape]

Jey Uso is beating Bron Breakker tomorrow, y’all.

YEET.

That is all.

[cousinmarcustalkswrestling]

Best WWE Matches of 2020 10-6

10

Becky Lynch vs Shayna Baszler - Raw Women’s Title - Wrestlemania 36 Day One

The result of this has made it one of the more underappreciated matches of the year. These two, along with Asuka, might have the strongest presences on the women’s roster. Even though there isn’t a soul in the crowd, this still feels like a monumental fight when they face off. Its only about 8ish minutes, but they tell a full fleshed out story in that time of “The Man” facing someone who can best her in wrestling acumen, physicality, and sheer intensity.. This is a super physical, stiff sprint between two women who welcome a fight. Their submission attempts and counters were were intense and dramatic as hell. Shayna looked like an absolute beast here and Becky sold like a champ and gave her all she could handle. The finish was perfect and easily set up a program between these two, but we didn’t get it for various reasons. But despite the aftermath, they had a hell of a match here and I’ll be awaiting the rematch years from now. Man, Becky was having a hell of a year before having to leave

9

Sasha Banks vs Bayley - Smackdown Women’s Title - Smackdown November 06

Sasha had just dethroned Bayley in an awesome match at Hell in a Cell and this was Bayley’s rematch. Sasha never having a successful title defense was heavily played up by Bayley and commentary, so Sasha came out with something to prove. She was super aggressive and reckless a few times which Bayley was able to counter. She caught Sasha on the apron and gave her a face first monkey flip. Later on in the match, Sasha is going for a sunset flip powerbomb, but Bayley ranas her into the announce table. One thing this match has that was a little lacking from their Hell in a Cell match was a little more hatred through characterization. The combination of the storytelling and aggression makes this match feel like It would’ve been perfect to happen before Hell in a Cell. Bayley hits the Bayley to Belly and locks in the Bank Statement, but in the end, Sasha makes her tap to the Bank Statement for a SUCCESSFUL TITLE DEFENSE and all is right in the world.

 8

Sasha Banks vs Asuka - Raw Women’s Title - Extreme Rules

One, this match not main eventing was an absolute travesty. No other match had a smidgen of the hype that this match had and after the work they both put in through this year, they deserved the main event spot. Two, This, BY FAR, has the worst ending of a great match that you’ll see all year. Its WCW 2000 levels of stupid. Everything before the ref bump was beautiful wrestling though. Part of the hype was that they only had one match before this and that was a banger on Raw in January 2018. They reference that match super early, when Asuka goes for the knee lift that decapitated Sasha in their first match, and Sasha immediately counters to a Bank Statement attempt. After that, they have a beautiful New Japan esque match with hard strikes, submission attempts, and quality countering. Its so intense that I really believed they were gonna try a German suplex from the top to the floor. Sasha shouts out her banger against Io Shirai and powerbombs Asuka against the Plexiglass barricade. Asuka destroys Sasha with brutal consecutive German suplexes. Sasha goes to the top and falls down in a botch, but it actually adds to the match because she gets up crying and saying she has to win this match to be the best. Asuka feels the desperation in the same way and tries to mist Sasha, but hits the ref instead. Then we get a really stupid ending to a really awesome match. Grrrrr.

7

Roman Reigns vs Kevin Owens - TLC Match - Universal Title - TLC

The Tribal Chief has reclaimed the Universal Title that he never lost, put his cousin in his place, and beat Drew McIntyre in a interpromotional match. Enter Kevin Owens; One of the company’s elite talents that hasn’t quite been in a featured position because of injuries and just roster mismanagement and whatever. Owens was a great choice for the next Roman opponent because he can get himself over through his talking, he has badass credentials, and just like Roman, he’s used his family as the primary motivation for his actions.

After weeks of being jumped by Roman and Jey, KO flips the script and jumps Roman during his entrance and beats him with a chair. Its NO DQ, so Jey Uso instantly interferes, but KO brutally beats his leg and Pillmanizes him, evening out what was looking like a handicap match. Roman takes over by drive by kicking the steel steps into KO’s face and he proceeds to try to destroy KO with all the weaponry around the ring. KO gets powerbombed on a ladder, backdropped on a ladder, and Uranaged (or should I say Rock Bottomed) through a table.

Through all of this punishment, KO makes tremendously heroic comebacks that feel as real as anything you’ve seen this year. Its not just standard babyface heroics, his comebacks are perfectly timed and they truly feels like a guy reaching digging deep and giving it his all. Both Samoans take powerbombs through tables and in the most dramatic moment, KO dodges a spear and Roman violently crashes through the barricade. This is one of the those matches I REALLY was in front of a crowd, because they would’ve been shitting themselves. In the end, the pesky Jey Uso, a low blow, and the guillotine subdues KO and Roman retains. Tremendous performances from everybody involved and the storytelling with the interference was really well-structured.

6

AJ Styles vs Daniel Bryan - Intercontinental Title Tournament Final Match - June 12 Smackdown

Just give em a finish and get out of their way. Sami Zayn’s COVID absence opened up the Intercontinental Title and we got a good old fashioned tournament out of it with the two living legends as the finalists. I admittedly haven’t seen anything from their 2018-2019 feud, but this was a straight up babyface banger. They get about 25+ minutes (that we actually see) and they make great use of every second in true veteran fashion. AJ targets Bryan’s leg early and Bryan responds by viciously ramming AJ’s shoulder into the turnbuckle post. With that, they have a simple and excellent pure wrestling match. Bryan asserts himself as more of the aggressor as the match goes on. There’s a great sequence where AJ goes for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Bryan snatches him out of the sky into an armbar, but AJ counters that to a calf crusher, THEN Bryan counters that to the Yes Lock. Bryan’s leg gives out on a backflip and AJ hits him with his pretty quebrada DDT. Bryan goes for the running knee, but Aj scoops him right up into the Styles Clash then hits the forearm for the win. An excellent display of pacing, psychology, creative counters, and most importantly selling from two of the best we’ve ever seen. This was the match the “workhorse” belt deserved.

[hazyheel]

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/17/19 Review

We started out with Elias actually, which was refreshing. and he was immediately burying Los Angeles. He announced that he would be the ref at Stomping Grounds, and the second that he said that, Seth Rollins showed up behind him and beat him with a chair. Rollins then got on the mic, and said that anyone who takes the special guest referee job will get beaten with a chair. Then he just left and they moved on. 

Grade: B+. You know what, I really liked this. It was short and to the point, unlike most of the Raw openers. We are seeing a much more tweener side of Rollins lately, and I am kinda into it. He isn’t taking Corbin’s shit anymore, he has bigger stuff to worry about. Also, even though the first match was 15 minutes in like it normally is, it wasn’t because of an overly long promo, it was a short segment followed by a lot of entrances. This was a good way to open the show, and I was glad to see something different in this spot.

So, then we went right into a fatal 5-way elimination match, the winner getting to challenge Samoa Joe for the US Championship at Stomping Grounds. Miz vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Cesaro vs. Ricochet vs. Braun Strowman. Oddly enough, everyone beat up Elias with their finisher before the match started. It made sense when Miz did it first, but then the heels did it too, and Ricochet, and Braun. Everyone went for Strowman immediately, so he threw around the smaller guys. Cesaro hit an angle slam on him early on, but Strowman countered out of a neutralizer to hit Cesaro with a running power slam.  He followed it up with a running powerslam to Lashley, putting him right down on Cesaro. He then pinned Cesaro to eliminate him, soon hitting Lashley with another one to eliminate him as well. Strowman then ran around the ring for bodyslams, which destroyed Ricochet. Strowman was going to get Miz, but the already eliminated Lashley nailed him with a spear, followed by a neutralizer from the elimnated Cesaro. and a 630 senton from the still legal Ricochet. All three pinned him to eliminate him, but he was so pissed that he got back up and threw Ricochet out of the ring. He then beat down both Lashley and Cesaro on the ramp, leaving just Miz and Ricochet in the match. The two then had a pretty exciting match. Miz and Ricochet had a nice submission sequence in the figure four, Ricochet fought out of it. Ricochet then hit a codebreaker and a 630 senton for the win. Joe then attacked after the match, but Ricochet stood tall. 

Grade: B+. Really hot way to open the show. The match set up a feud for Strowman with either Cesaro or Lashley, so I suspect that we will be getting one more match from that. Miz and Ricochet had an awesome ending sequence that ended up giving us a dream match. I do wish that we could have the benedriller back from Ricochet, call it something else if they have to. It was just a cool move, better than a codebreaker ripoff. But I am really excited for this match, it should be great. As for this match, it was incredibly fast right out of the gate and kept it up really good opener for Raw.

So then we had Becky Lynch cutting a promo on Lacy Evans calling her out for being pretentious. Evans then came out, saying that she is tough as nails behind her classy exterior. Evans then talked about her life story, being a marine and such, and said that she is what the women’s division deserves. Evans was talking as she entered the ring, and Lynch just attacked the second that she stepped through the ropes, hitting her with the manslaughter and stealing her hat before walking out.

Grade: D+. We see this every week, and while this did change the name of the manhandle slam to a much better name, this was just as bad as all their other interactions. They do this every week, and it hasn’t gotten better.

Next up was an interview with Baron Corbin about the guest referee situation, as Elias has decided not to do it after the attack. He said that he would reveal the new ref on the Kevin and Sami show, only for Rollins to hit him in the back with a chair. I don’t know why, but I love having Rollins just hitting people with a chair out of nowhere.

Daniel Bryan and Rowan then came out. Bryan heeled on Los Angeles, and on Raw which was weird that he heeled on a brand. He called the citizens of the city ignorant, and said that he would beat Rollins, and that he would excite the people of LA.

Grade: C+. Why did we have this? It didn’t kill much time, and didn’t really accomplish anything. Although I do like hearing Bryan talk, so it wasn’t awful.

Then we had the Viking Raiders in a quick squash. Fun Times.

Grade: B-. Inoffensive Squash, although I hate that their finisher is called the viking experience. Thor’s hammer is so much better.

Then we saw R-Truth and Carmella in disguises hiding in the crowd. The camera lingered on them along enough for the low card guys to recognize them and chase out after them. They tried to grab him from under the ring, but they ended up just grabbing Titus O’Neil. They chased Truth through the crowd. 

Grade: B-. This was actually the only 24/7 segment on the show, but it was funny enough to be on the positive side. These segments are genuinely a highlight of these shows now. 

Then we had a backstage segment, where Heath Slater showed up at Shane McMahons backstage VIP room. He asked for a raise to help his kids, but Shane said no. He walked out, and then McIntyre pretended that he would help, before dropping the money and beating Slater up. As they dragged McIntyre off of Slater, The Revival picked up all the money that was dropped, which was pretty funny. 

Into the Kevin and Sami show, with Corbin as the guest. Right out of the gate, Sami Zayn refused to be the guest referee, as did Kevin Owens. Corbin then said that EC3 would be the ref, and Rollins nailed him in the back with a steel chair on the ramp. Corbin was then annoyed that Rollins was “Taking away an opportunity from an up and coming superstar. Then the New Day randomly showed up. Big E covered EC3 with his shirt, as Zayn yelled at them for crashing the show. Kofi said that he goes wherever he wants whenever he wants. Corbin then challenged them to a 6-man tag, so the New Day grabbed EC3, and pretended that he would be the ref, despite that he was knocked out.

Grade: C. Another meh promo that didn’t accomplish much. I liked the first half, but the second was just promoting the WWE Championship match. Plus, I didn’t appreciate EC3 getting ridiculed by the New Day. He could’ve been huge. He should’ve been huge. This was just pointless and not overly entertaining. 

Backstage, before the next match, AJ Styles was getting checked out by a doctor, and Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson talked to him a bit. Styles said that they needed to be serious again, and they said that they would show him that they are serious, and great competitors. Sounds like a fun match.

Then we had The New Day against Corbin, Owens and Zayn in a 2 out of 3 falls match. They also booked Xavier Woods and Big E against Zayn and Owens at Stomping Grounds. Woods quickly got the first fall out of a rollup on Zayn. Big E was beaten down, and Kofi had a big hot tag. The heels fell apart a bit after Corbin hit his around the post clothesline, but Kingston ducked it so it hit Zayn. Owens was so pissed about that that he superkicked Corbin and then walked out with Zayn. That allowed Kingston to hit Corbin with a trouble in paradise for the second fall and win. 

Grade: C+. Pretty meh match, nothing really happened here, and there was no reason for it to be 2 out of 3 falls match really. They didn’t utilize that enough. Basically, this match was to show that no one likes Corbin, and I guess it accomplished that. 

Backstage, Alexa Bliss gave Niki Cross a note saying that they will get a Women’s Tag Match together. Cross was really excited, but Bliss seemed kinda freaked out by the excitement. 

Paul Heyman was then out for a promo, talking about Lesnar’s briefcase. He said that he wouldn’t be the guest referee at stomping grounds. He said that Lesnar would be happy to accept the position, and to pick the scraps from the title match. 

Grade; B. Fine promo, I liked the idea of Lesnar being the guest referee in that match. But otherwise, I would kinda prefer that Heyman isn’t around, because I like the idea of forgetting that Lesnar even existed and cashing in when we least expect it. That’d be nice, but I don’t know if it will happen. 

Backstage, Eric Young was offered the spot of guest referee for the match on sunday. But Rollins showed up, saying that he knew Young wouldn’t compromise him. He told him not to be worried, right before beating the crap out of him with a chair. Rollins is kinda becoming a heel a bit with this. 

The usos then cut a backstage promo on the Good Brothers, saying they would win.

Then we had The Usos vs. The Good Brothers. I loved to see the Good Brothers back in action. They had control, before Anderson started to taunt the crowd and his opponents. However, they were about to get the win with magic killer, but the Usos hit Gallows with a bunch of superkicks for the win.

Grade: C. Nothing really happened here. This could’ve been a great match if they gave it more time, but they didn’t so it was boring and just kinda used for a story that may not amount to anything. 

Then we had Roman Reigns talking about his loss at super showdown. He wanted to fight Shane, but Shane refused to come out. He said that Roman shouldn’t be ashamed of losing to the best in the world, and then McIntyre said that he would destroy Roman in the match on Sunday, and was describing it for an annoying amount of time, before Reigns hopped the barricade and stormed backstage. He was going to the lounge, the Revival tried to stop him. He beat the both of them down, before brawling with McIntyre backstage. He put McIntyre through a table, before chasing Shane back out to the ring and beating the crap out of him at ringside. He gave him a spear, and left him laying.

Grade: B-. The promo was bad, but I enjoyed the backstage brawl, it’d been a while since we saw something like that. It was fun, and Shane got some comeuppance. Checks some nice boxes.

Backstage, Bayley was interviewed about how she refused to take a picture with a fan who had a Nikki Cross shirt on. Bayley said it was BS, but Naomi and Natalya were questioning whether or not it was true. So Bliss is turning all the ladies against Bayley, I like that. 

Then we had a Women’s Tag Team Championship match, the IIconics vs. Nikki Cross and Alexa Bliss. The champs cut a promo talking about how Bliss and Cross were not a good enough team to take them out, and they didn’t deserve to have a match. Bayley showed up to watch the match too. The heels beat up Nikki in the corner. Bliss pushed Bayley on the outside, so Bayley pulled Bliss out of the ring when she went to break up a pin. So the IIconics retained, and Bayley looked like a dick. 

Backstage, Alexa told Nikki that Bayley cost them the belts. Cross said that she would be in Bliss’s corner on Sunday. 

Grade: C-. The match really sucked, but I love the story of them pseudo turning Bayley heel by having Alexa manipulate everyone. it was really cool, and I liked it a lot. Put I was bummed that the IIconics didn’t drop the belts here, as Alexa and Nikki would be fun as a team. 

Into the firefly funhouse, Bray called for the fans to follow him, because he is finally ready to lead them. No one else can, so he has to. Honestly, find this on Youtube, I can’t do it justice. It was the creepiest one yet. 

Backstage we had Bryan be interviewed about his match against Rollins, and he said that Rollins shouldn’t be allowed to wield a weapon, and vowed to beat him like he always had. 

And in the main event, we had Seth Rollins vs. Daniel Bryan. The two went fast and furious right out of the gate. Rollins hit a suicide dive, only to go for another one, and Rowan caught him in a claw slam for the DQ. They started to beat up Rollins with a running knee. so the New Day ran out, followed by the Revival, Zayn and Owens, and then the usos. There was a giant brawl, and then they restarted the match and just banned everyone from ringside. There was a cool spot where Rollins went for an ensiguri. but Bryan caught it and locked in an ankle lock, transitioning into a german suplex. At one point, Bryan countered a blackout into a lebell lock for a submission sequence. Rollins eventually fought back into things, hitting the superplex, but bryan countered the falcon’s arrow into a rollup for a near fall. Soon after that, Rollins hit the blackout for real and for the win.

After the match, Corbin beat Rollins with a chair on the ramp. 

Grade: B+. These guys can do no wrong. They went out there and put out a really good main event. I hope that we can eventually see a title feud between the two, because they really kick ass together. Match of the night. 

Overall Grade: C+

Pros: new opener; fatal 5-way; Heyman promo; main event

Cons: Evans and Lynch Promo; Kevin and Sami show; usos vs. good brothers; women’s tag team championships

[gwynbleiddyn]

an evening ritual;

Alexios definitely recalls being hounded by his trainer in the agoge for not looking after his arms and armour well enough. Too dirty. Never polished. Left lying around in any old spot of dirt when Alexios had given up on being a sensible Spartan son. It was a harsh truth for a lazy child to come to terms with, in all honesty, and it wasn’t exactly until Alexios had lost too much drachmae on Kephallonia that he’d decided taking care of his own gear would be slightly more profitable. At least, it would be, compared to having every crook from Sami to the cursed valley run off with drachmae and armour that was meant to be repaired, not stolen.

Over the years since then, Alexios had made it a ritual. At the end of a day, armour needs to be cleaned and inspected. Weapons need to be set aside carefully, but never too far. If his arms and armour are in fighting shape, then so is he - it’s always been that simple. That mantra had worked for a long time, when it was only himself he had to think about, and when camping meant lonely nights with a makeshift shelter and Ikaros to keep watch. Now, though, things are... different.

Not in a bad way, Alexios supposes, sparing a glance around the camp he finds himself in. 

Spartan banners are flung over hastily erected palisades, wooden barriers set outside each open gate - all decorated with armour stripped from reckless Athenians who had wandered too close in the past few days. A grim reminder that war was there to greet them at every turn. In that respect, it’s been difficult to adjust. Alexios is used to keeping himself alive, marking targets down one by one as quick and quiet as he can. Now, he fights in formation when he’s asked to, holds up his shield-brothers with aching arms and bloodied fists, and bears the weight of too many dead Spartans when they fall in front of him. 

It’s heavier when you know their names, Alexios finds. 

But the good part of all this is that Alexios can finally say he belongs somewhere. A Spartan camp out in the field is now a safe harbour for a weary misthios-turned-soldier, and it feels good to have people who know your name as well as they know your deeds. For too long, Eagle-Bearer has plagued Alexios with a false sense of heroism - it’s become detachable, separate from himself and his thoughts - and in that alone, his own name has started to seem insignificant. As though it was never him who completed these tasks in the first place. 

“Ai, Alexios!” 

Looking up, he finds several pairs of eyes on him. Anywhere else, Alexios might have already had his spear at the ready, but here, he just looks at them all and puts a name to each face. Hesiodos, a small, sharp-faced man with a thin smile and ever-dark eyes, seems to be awaiting something. Like a response, perhaps, one that Alexios was meant to give. 

“Hm?” 

“Wine, Alexios! You would agree that a sweeter wine is far more palatable than those musty, dried-up excuses of ‘rich’ wines, yes?”

Alexios just blinks, brow furrowing as he tries to recall some memory of taste and smell. Wine isn’t exactly his speciality, he just drinks it if it’s there. Though, granted, he doesn’t like most of the stuff he does end up drinking - it does its job to get his thoughts pleasantly out of focus, however, and that makes up for the awful taste it leaves behind. 

“Clearly, shitty wine has scoured the last of your tastebuds, Hesiodos.” Alexios throws back with an impish smile, knowing this will spark up a fresh round of debate in a camp that’s already well on its way to rowdy inebriation, despite some more stalwart polemarchs lurking in the command tents. Hesiodos crows his dissent, almost falling off his seat - wine goblet still full, of course - and tries to find another, more agreeable voice to add to his debate. Lykos is standing behind him, mostly to keep him sitting upright at this point. A giant brute of a man, he towers over most, but has the personality of a field mouse. Alexios meets Lykos’ exasperated gaze with a smug grin, knowing full well that the man won’t dare say a word against Hesiodos’ drunken ramblings, and that he’ll stay standing there until morning comes if nobody takes pity on him and takes Hesiodos out of his hands. A small amusement, but it goes a long way.

That is the other good thing. The belonging lends itself easily to camaraderie, particularly when you know your life is in the hands of the men around you. Alexios enjoys that far more than he ever did the lonely nights on Mount Ainos, and even if it comes with the constant ribbing and jibes of friendship, it’s not something Alexios is willing to give up now that he’s found it. In a way, it makes him a better soldier; having a cause that doesn’t just belong to you alone gives you far less room for mistakes. 

With the attention now off him, Alexios turns his mind back to what got him thinking in the first place. His armour sits by his tent, waiting for him to clean and inspect it, like he usually always does - but not tonight. He can see it needs maintaining - blood is caked into the engravings, there’s more than a few scrapes he could polish out, and he needs to restring the breastplate after an arrow snagged the ties over a week ago. 

It’s been over a week since Alexios picked that armour up, not to put it on, but to clean and look after it. Over a week since that blacksmith had handed it to him without a word and turned to making the next set, for the next soldier that would inevitably come along. 

He’d gotten away with a week of traveling and fewer rest stops than usual - enough to account for how much wear his armour is showing already - but now that they’ve set their spears down in Boeotia once again, preparing themselves for another bloody dogfight with the Athenians, Alexios has run out of excuses. 

That memory of the trainer keeps coming back to him every time he even thinks about getting it over with. 

It’s stupid, and childish, and all kinds of irrational, but Alexios can’t escape that strange feeling of unworthiness. 

“I don’t think staring will make your armour any cleaner.” 

Another voice to distract him. Alexios recognizes it instantly this time, however. Thaletas brushes a fleeting hand across the back of Alexios’ neck as he passes, eyeing the armour that Alexios has basically been glaring at for an unreasonable amount of time. 

“I can dream.” Alexios retorts drily, resting his elbows on his knees as his hands drop, fingers tangling and untangling. Thaletas notices, frowning as he catches sight of Alexios, walking past. Alexios just shakes his head, and goes back to staring at his hands instead. 

Moments later, Thaletas is back and sitting at his side, working away on his own armour. Alexios is almost offended, but when he looks up, he finds that his armour is definitely not where it was mere moments ago. His gaze slides down and to the left, finding his own set lined up next to Thaletas’. 

Oh.

Something pulls strangely at his chest, seizing his breath for a moment. Alexios is about to say something, but the words are gone before they even reach his lips, and Thaletas is talking again.

“I hated doing this as a child.” He says idly, setting aside a completed pair of greaves. Alexios just watches intently, the care and attention that Thaletas puts into such a menial task is almost endearing. 

After a beat of silence, Thaletas continues, sparing a brief glance sideways to Alexios. “But your armour is one thing protecting you and the rest of your line. It gets beaten into you, one way or another.” 

Nodding, Alexios exhales sharply. He knows that. That’s not the problem. It’s the armour itself - Spartan, made for him, made for an army. Made for a stubborn child in the agoge, long ago. 

“I drove my trainer mad.” Alexios states simply, as a glimmer of a smile tries to force its way through. “I was stubborn. Headstrong. Never wanted to listen, or take the time to care about things I thought were beneath me.” 

Thaletas doesn’t stop his work, but he’s listening. Alexios can tell, watching the way Thaletas slows down when Alexios reveals something more about a past that too few people know. 

“Learnt my lesson on Kephallonia. But...” Alexios scratches at his forearm nervously, shaking his head, “It was something I should have learnt in Sparta. And this--” he gestures to the pile of armour, “Just reminds me of that trainer, and of how much else he would have taught me if I’d never left.” 

Thaletas slowly comes to a stop, resting Alexios’ half-cleaned breastplate against his knee for a moment. He doesn’t look at Alexios at first - his gaze drifts around the camp at the soldiers he sees dotted around, all in various states of sobriety by now. Alexios looks up and follows his gaze, curious, but he finds nothing of interest and winds up shooting Thaletas a quizzical glance instead. 

“I think it might be the other way around, Alexios.” Thaletas tells him quietly, finally meeting his gaze. “How much would you have never learned?”

Alexios hasn’t thought of it like that before. 

“Trust me. You wouldn’t be here if these men didn’t want you here. There’s a reason they’ve been asking for you to join them on the field all this time.” Thaletas sounds certain, and Alexios finds himself wanting to believe him. 

“I can fight, that’s all they need.” Alexios’ doubts always drive him to argue, even with Thaletas all but staring him down. 

“By the gods...” Thaletas lets out a half-laugh, half-sigh, rubbing at his forehead for a moment, “You are stubborn. That hasn’t changed. But what I’m trying to say is that you inspire. You give the men hope-- you give me hope.” 

Alexios manages a smile at that, and an overwhelming sense of relief washes over him. His shoulders relax, and he finally untangles his fingers, rubbing his hands tiredly over his face as if to brush off the show of self-doubt he’d shared. Thaletas makes it unbelievably easy, even in such a place as this where privacy is long out of reach, Thaletas makes it quiet and bearable when Alexios needs that space. 

A useful skill to have if you want to keep a misthios around, it seems.

“Let me help.” Alexios reaches over and picks up his own breastplate from where it’s been resting against Thaletas’ knee, “At the very least, if I do a terrible job, you can cover it up.” he says to Thaletas with a grin, nudging him with his leg as he sits back. 

“There’s a lot of things I’d do for you, but cleaning your armour regularly is not one of those things.” Thaletas chuckles quietly, and gets back to work on his own armour, letting Alexios lean against him slightly while they drift into companionable silence.

[deepdisireslonging]

Family Found Part 46: At the Worst

The Secret that’s been keeping Y/N and the Raw roster on edge finally comes to the surface. As threatened, Dean is at risk of losing everything… unless he can fight back one last time.

Warnings/Promises: wrestling violence, reconciliation

Word Count: 3525

Note: Oh my gosh. I keep looking at my series plot list, and it’s a little freaky to see it with so few chapters left. Pretty much everything is already plotted out, and in a perfect world I’d just write it all in a weekend and queue it to go. Probably won’t happen, but eh. Thank you guys for sticking around for this personal test of mine. Please let me know what you’ve thought about this series. DMs and anon are always open. Enjoy!

Part 1: Welcome to the Team 

Part 45: Oncoming Storm 

Despite the ruckus he’d caused in your office, Elias was not available for Drew McIntyre to beat up. Because you hadn’t seen him. Nobody had. As a replacement, you placed Bobby Lashley and Dolph Ziggler in his path for a handicap match.

“That’s smart of Y/N,” Renee noted, “McIntyre practically hates Dolph, and Lashley is a strong challenge. Together they should be able to handle his rage.”

Corey wasn’t so agreeable. “Yeah, smart. I think that Y/N gave Elias too many chances; it’s gone to his head! First, he doesn’t fight last week. Then this week he can’t be found?”

“Well someone who will be found tonight will be Brock Lesnar. As Seth Rollins said last week, tonight is the signing of the contract for their WrestleMania match. All three of our competitors will get to face-off tonight.”

Renee harrumphed. “Debatable. No one’s seen him either.”

Each time Lashley or Dolph switched tags, Drew took a second to breathe. To reset. He was wearing the men down, instead of the other way around. If he could keep this up at WrestleMania, then Elias was going to be in trouble.

Just thinking the name summoned a guitar strum. Drew stumbled in his attack as he heard the guitar and saw Elias circle the ring. Elias wasn’t singing, just strumming, but it was enough to distract Drew from a series of coordinated moves. He roared and shifted his focus back. Calmly, Elias watched as Drew took control of the match again, eventually pinning Lashley.

McIntyre’s knuckles paled with his grip on the ropes as he stared down at Elias. It made his blood boil that Elias wasn’t even bothered to react. As the drifter walked away, Drew swore that he was going to regret every note and strum.

***

Lashley and Ziggler weren’t even out of the ring yet when Sami Zayn came out to the ring. He danced his way down the ramp, then took a mic. “How would you all like to see me put my life on the line?” It wasn’t what everyone thought he was going to say, but they welcomed the thought anyway. “Alrighty then.”

With a smart click of his heels, he turned to face the stage. “I’ve got something to get off my chest. Now I’m an NXT grown wrestler myself, and I’ll be the first to admit that moving up to the main roster isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but when it comes to the ‘Authors of Pain’,” he said with quotation fingers, “I don’t see champions. I see puppets. First Paul Ellering. Then Drake Maverick. And now… Dr. M, whatever that means. So, I’m calling out you, AOP. Not your puppet master. I say that you can’t defend those titles without help. That you are not champions. And that you are cowards that hide behind someone else. That you hide because there are not two strategic brain cells between you-”

He shivered as their music interrupted. But he smiled. Everything was going to plan. They marched to the ring, circling it. They stood on the apron on the opposite side of the ring. Sami’s back was to the stage when the lights went out. When they came back up, Dr. M. was behind him inside the ropes.

“Those are some strong words, Sami,” his voice made Sami whip around. “But I know you meant every word. And I understand. You are a hypocrite. A coward that would never speak your mind out loud without Kevin Owens watching your back.” Slowly, Dr. M turned and faced Kevin Owens, who was just finishing his stealth climb into the ring. Unbothered, he turned back around. “You can lead a man to a hospital, but you can’t force him to medicine. So be it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have other patients to see to.” Giving a strong eye to Kevin, he left the ring. He snapped and AOP entered the ring, dragging in a referee.

The match that followed was rough. Akam and Rezar did not appreciate Sami’s opinion of them, nor Kevin’s attempt to attack their manager. At the same time, Kevin and Sami were standing by their proof. Without someone telling them what to do, AOP was stalling before attacks. A lucky hit took Kevin to the canvas, where he was pinned. They left celebrating like NXT days, then slipped back into their more serious mood before leaving the arena.

***

Deep in thought, you weren’t watching where you were going. You collided with something hard and tall. Something that turned out to be a someone.

“No, Seth. I can’t talk about this.” You tried to move past him, but Roman stepped in to block your path too.

“We have to talk about something.” Roman let go of your shoulders, give you range to turn back to Seth.

“Whatever they’ve offered you, it’s not worth it. Trust me.” Seth pleaded with his eyes. You avoided looking at them and focused on anything else in the hallway.

“I didn’t do it for the money or the fame. Your story was lesson enough.” Your voice dropped, weary. “That’s not what they’ve got on me.”

Seth titled your chin up. “What are you talking about? Whatever it is, we can help you.”

“No, you can’t.” Why was it so hard to breath? “It’s my fault and I have to do what I can to work around it.” The statement distracted them enough for you to get by, but Roman caught you again.

He leaned down and did his best to look you in the eye. “Y/N?”

No oxygen. No thoughts. Just the words you didn’t want to say. “It’s a contract. I pitched it to Stephanie and Hunter and thought they liked it. But they added things. Things that would rip Dean apart and-“ You broke away from his grasp. “I can’t talk about this. I’ve said too much already. You’re just going to have to let me be.”

They stayed for a minute while you practically ran down the hallway. Blinded by the boil of emotions, you ran into someone else.

“Y/N, we need to talk.” Baron loomed overhead.

“I can’t. I’m busy.” You hissed as his arm flashed out to block your way.

“Make time. I want a match. Tonight. Now would be good.”

You sighed and looked behind you when you heard footsteps. Roman saw Baron and knew why he was there. He gave you a nod, which didn’t exactly please you, but it got both men out of the way so you could think. “Fine. You and Roman have a match tonight. Now.” You stood still while Baron gloated. He dropped his arm with a chuckle, giving you room to finally escape.

***

Both men weren’t going to give an inch. Even as their energy waned, the crowd was enjoying the display of power. Roman fell into the ropes on one side, trying to catch his breath. As he got back up and looked off into the crowd, Dr. M popped up in front of his face. Startled, he fell back into Baron’s next attack. He quickly recovered but was shaken. Dr. M had disappeared. Eerie laughter came from one corner, though nobody was there.

Baron fell to the canvas. Roman geared up for a spear. Dr. M appeared over his shoulder. Roman saw him on the Titantron and spun around to attack. Baron swooped in as Roman missed with a swing, beating him to the canvas and finally winning the pin. Then he got the hell out of the ring. No need to stick around when Dr. M was doing his thing. Dean and Seth ran by him on the ramp. They circled around Roman’s kneeling form.

With his eerie laugh in full force, Dr. M left the ring. He stood at the base of the ramp. And then he was gone.

Seth and Dean helped Roman to his feet and out of the ring. “Don’t worry about me,” he said, shrugging them off. “You guys have enough to worry about tonight. I haven’t seen him, but if Brock does show up, you need to be focused.”

Seth sighed. “I take that to mean you won’t be at the signing?”

“No.”

“Then what will you be doing?” Dean asked. He read the expression on Roman’s face. And disagreed. “Really?”

“I’m going to be watching Y/N’s back. Same way I watch yours.” He tried to walk on his own but limped up the ramp.

***

Ruby had issued another open challenge. With WrestleMania not even two weeks away, in her eyes, no one was going to be able to take the title from her. She laughed with Liv Morgan and Sarah Logan in the ring while waiting for her opponent. They all froze as “I’m not like most girls,” played through the speakers. Ruby was mostly silent, and she didn’t appreciate her girls’ giggles as they wished her luck.

Their giggles turned to worried hints and tips as Ruby struggled. Nia was taking no prisoners. Several times, the bell box readied to announce a new champion. Each time, Ruby desperately kicked out. The counts got closer and closer to three. Sarah and Liv jumped up onto the apron, ready to spring at a moment’s notice. Nia moved to knock them off. The referee was checking on Ruby, giving the Squad room to attack her without repercussions. Ruby saw her fall and took advantage, retaining her title.

Like a pack of hyenas, the women laughed all the way backstage.

***

Alexa Bliss inched around a corner. She breathed a sigh of relief and proudly took a step forward without looking. She bumped into Ruby, fresh out of her match. “Well hello there, Alexa!” she tried to dart away, but Ruby tossed an arm over her shoulder. “Didn’t Liv and Sarah tell you I was looking for you?”

Alexa gulped. Then disgusted, she removed Ruby’s arm from her shoulder. “Yeah. So?”

“Well, you kept harping on ‘unfinished business’… and I have to agree,” she sighed. “We’re not done. Now I just beat Nia, since you missed it lurking around backstage, and I am still without a match for WrestleMania. And it sucks, but you don’t have one either.” She talked over Alexa’s sputtering. “I know you’re going to be busy hosting, but why don’t we help each other out? I mean, I could always beat you up here and now, or I’ll just destroy you there. But you’ll have a chance. You game?”

As Ruby caught her forearm in a vice-grip, Alexa grimaced and grit her teeth. “What do you have in mind?”

Ruby smiled dangerously. “We have a match next week. Either way, you’re going to WrestleMania. But if I win, I pick the stipulation and you don’t know until the match starts. And if you win… well, I’ll still beat you but at least you’ll have a say in which way. Sound good? Great. See you next week.”

She was off like a shot, leaving Alexa to rub some feeling back into her arm.

***

As the new Raw Women’s tag champions, Bayley and Sasha Banks had a few things to say about the former champions. “They did what they set out to do,” Sasha said. “They brought our new tag titles to the forefront of the business. Last week they had the main event of Raw. They were dominant, beating any team that came their way. And the Riott Squad proved time and time again that the women’s division was something to pay attention to.”

Bayley nodded in agreement. “Having said that, they forgot one little thing. Nothing lasts forever. The women’s division is constantly moving forward. Evolving. Growing stronger and building momentum. Getting better and better. Their time is over. We are the future. We have been through NXT, Smackdown, Raw. The future is now. And it is standing here in this ring.” They held their titles up, then dropped them and fell into a fighting stance.

With their music, Natalya and Rhonda Rousey walked onto the stage. “That may be so,” Natalya said, “but as you said, nothing lasts forever. Prove that you are the so-called best of the business.” She motioned between herself and Rhonda. “You ladies up for a challenge?”

The Boss n’ Hug Connection shared a smile. Sasha nodded. “Sure. Are you?”

During the match that followed, Bayley and Sasha showed off. The high was still real, and they were capable of riding the adrenaline without making too many mistakes. Rhonda and Natalya, on the other hand, were struggling. Both were dominant in the ring. But when it came time to tag or to work together, cracks turned into fissures. One would reach for a tag, and the other would be missing. Then Rhonda was thrown from the ring. It took her eight seconds to wobble back to the ring. At nine seconds, she was reaching for the roes to pull herself up. At ten, she couldn’t get into the ring. Furious, she stepped back, dragging Liv Morgan out from under the ring.

On the other side, Sarah Logan attacked Natalya, knocking her to the ground. The former champions disappeared as quickly as they’d appeared. Thus freed, Natalya and Rhonda met back in the ring while Sasha and Bayley rolled out and watched from the ramp. The two women began to blame one another. Defending themselves truthfully to the Riott Squad’s interference, but neither was listening. The referee pushed them apart before it turned into another brawl. Natalya stomped off, breaking through Sasha and Bayley on her way by.

***

You focused on not letting your anxiety show. The ring had never felt so large an empty. Or so foreboding. It was time to address the WWE universe. “As you all know, in just thirteen days, WrestleMania will finally be here.” Their response made your cheeks twitch with a small smile. “There are one or two spots that haven’t been filled yet, but we’ve still got two weeks. That brings us to tonight. And to a contract signing.” You took a breath to call Seth and Dean to the ring, but Stephanie McMahon and Triple H’s intros interrupted in turn.

They calmly walked down to the ring. Stephanie carried the leather folder in one arm. She sent you a perturbed smile after stepping through the ropes. “Y/N, I found this in your office and figured you might need it. It’s kinda hard to have a contract signing without the contract.”

“Oops,” you halfheartedly gulped.

Hunter stepped into the ring too. You moved to the other side, using the space like an invisible barricade. “I would like to think otherwise, but it almost looks like you don’t want this match to happen as planned. Don’t you think Dean is mad at you enough?”

“Leave him out of this.”

Speak of the devil, Dean’s music sounded. You closed your eyes. This was a bad dream. Seth followed him out to his own music. And he had questions. “So, I noticed a large absence backstage. Care to explain that, Hunter?” He joined Dean on the far side of the ring, forcing you to stand in the middle.

“That’s right, Seth,” he mocked, “Brock Lesnar isn’t here. How observant of you. No, Brock signed the contract already, as witnessed by Paul Heyman. I’ll be signing as your witness.”

You stammered, “witnessed?”

The explanation was handed off to Stephanie. “Well, given the specifics of this match, we need to make sure that the competitors are willing to endure the consequences. And that they are doing this of their own free will.”

“Consequences? Free will?” Dean shared a look with Seth, then looked at you with a growl. “What is she talking about, Y/N?”

“Go on, Y/N, tell them what this is.” Stephanie waved the leather folder in her hand. Then handed it to you. Hunter stood behind her, daring you to rebel.

You swallowed. Hard.

“It’s a contract. For a triple threat match at WrestleMania for the Universal Championship.” The crowd initially cheered, but it faded into confusion. “You two against Brock Lesnar, and against each other.”

Dean and Seth shared a look. Seth shrugged. “So? This sounds like another one of your great ideas.”

“It was.” If you could keep your breathing even for a few more minutes, maybe you wouldn’t stutter. “When I pitched it to management,” you gestured towards Stephanie and Hunter, “it was a normal match with room for a no disqualification clause. But they… it developed into more. Another clause was added.” You licked your lips desperately.

“Keep going, Y/N. You’re just now getting to the best part.” Hunter stepped closer and patted you on the shoulder to encourage you. It did nothing but make you shiver.

“As the contracts stands, whoever loses the match has to leave WWE. Forever.” The crowd gasped, though Dean and Seth were still confused. “It’s not just whoever gets pinned, which was the original idea. It’s both of the competitors who lose.” The words began to pour out. “This means, Dean, that even if you pin Lesnar, Seth would have to leave too. Or you would if he pins Lesnar. Or both of you. The original plan was to create an opening to finally get rid of the Beast. I thought… I knew between the two of you that you could beat him. I thought…” you turned back to look at the Authority. “I thought I was doing what… what was best for business.”

Stephanie barked out a laugh. “What’s best for business? Brock Lesnar is one of our biggest assets. Why would we ever give you a chance to ruin that for WWE?”

“You guys are wasting your money to pay him to do nothing. Lesnar is not a champion. He may have had the title and the crown, but like an absent king, everybody knows where the real power lies. In the people.” Rage boiled in your veins.  “Dean and Seth are some of the best here. They just don’t grovel at your feet like you’d like them too.” The word hung in the air, freezing over under Hunter’s scrutiny.

Stephanie stepped closer. “No matter how many times you use that argument, Y/N, it’s not going to change anything. Now. Seth. Dean. The contract?”

You jumped as Dean placed his hand on your shoulder.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he whispered.

“Please,” you shook your head, mic at your side, “don’t do this. It’s a trap. Please, no.” Your shoulders slumped as he kissed the top of your head and took the contract out of your hands.

Hunter smirked as Dean twiddled with the pen. Dean looked back, asking Seth if he was in it too. Seth accepted the pen as his answer, signing after looking at Dean’s signature. You covered your face and rubbed your temples, missing any silent conversation they exchanged. Seth handed the contract back to Hunter to finalize.

“See,” Hunter said, signing blindly, “that wasn’t so hard.” He took Stephanie by the arm and gave you the contract on their way out of the ring. You glanced at the signatures, resigned to hate that you had just-

Wait.

You looked up at Dean, who was smirking. Seth too.

“Mr. Helmsley?” Your voice caught in your throat for a second. “Are you sure you want this contract to go through?” Hunter stared you down as you fought not smiling. “You see…um. You signed the wrong line. You signed as one of the competitors.” A laugh escaped you. This had just gotten interesting. “As this contract states,” you flipped back a page, “any wrestler who competes under this contract and loses must leave the World Wrestling Entertainment company forever. If you beat Seth, who signed in the right place, Brock would have to leave and you…” you shrugged. “The lawyers could read through this and double check how much of this would apply to you, but at the base understanding, you would not be able to wrestle again. No more WrestleMania moments, no more inserting yourself into matches. And, at the worst, you would also have to leave the administration.”

Behind your smile, it felt like your whole being was glowing. You held the folder out to him.

“I may make the matches, but you still outrank me. You can dissolve this contract.”

Hunter snatched the folder away and looked closely at the signature and the clause he added. He pulled it out of the folder, flipping through and scanning for any way out. The crowd was deathly silent as he considered all angles.

They went wild as he tore the contract in half.

“We’re not done, Y/N,” he said, pointing at you.

“I understand, sir.” The threat could not defeat the proud smile on your face. Or the matching ones on Dean and Seth. Dean picked you up and spun you around once they were gone. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get you into this mess.”

He ruffled your hair, despite your protest. “What else is family for?” He lightly tapped his fist against your cheek. “Can I get a match next week?”

“Against whom and how many?”

Part 47: Resigning 

Series Masterlist 

Masterlist 

Forever Tags: @blondekel77 @hallemichelles @laochbaineann @ramblingsofabourbondrinker @savmontreal @southsidebucky @tinyelfperson @chwehansol98 

WWE/Series Tags: @a-home-for-stray-stories @badboy-sethrollins @top-1-percent @mother-forker @neversatisfiedgirlfics @racheo91 @roman-reigns-princess @secretagentfangirl @thetherianthropydaily @scuzmunkie @cait-kae @ramsaypants @sony-undead18 @brianaraydean @st4yingstrong @dopeybubbles @crystallizeme @jessica91073 @denise8691 @stalelight @kenyadakblalock @1dluver13xx @lauren-novak @lunatic-desert-child @littledeadrottinghood @livelifewondering 

[swewwefan]

Looking ahead

This is a quick runthrough of how I would set up the matches and what matches I want to see at Wrestlemania. ________________________________________________________________

Title Matches:

UK Title - Pete Dunne (C) Vs Tyler Bate Doesn't need any build. These two should be able to just have a great match. Winner - Pete Dunne

Raw Womens Title - Paige (C) Vs Asuka Paige beats Alexa Bliss at the royalrumble to become the champion. Asuka wins the first ever Womens Royalrumble match. And between the rumble and Wrestlemania Askua beats Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville with the stipulation that if they lose they are banned from ringside at Wrestlemania. I still think they should keep Asukas unbeaten streak going so the match ends with Paige tapping to the Asuka Lock. Winner - Asuka

Raw Tag Team Titles - The Shield (C) Vs The Bar Vs The Revival Vs The Good Brothers The Good Brothers doesn't really fit in this match as well as the others but I like them and personally I prefer fatal fourways over tripple threats when it concerns tagteam matches. The Shield winns the titles at the Royalrumble event and in the build between the rumble and mania The Revival returns and starts wrecking everyone again. Then somehow the Good Brothers scores an upset victory against the Shield in a none title match and gets added to the mania match. The Revival hitts Shatter Machine on either Gallows or Anderson to pick up the pinfall victory. Winners - The Revival

Cruserweight Title - Enzo Amore (C) Vs Hideo Itami After Hideo debuts you have him run through  the entire division except Enzo. Making Enzo the only one left and setting up the match for Mania. Hideo overcomes the interferance from the Zo-Train and hits Enzo with the GTS for the one, two, three. Winner - Hideo Itami

Intercontinental Title - Samoa Joe (C) Vs Finn Bálor Joe winns the title at the rumble. The night after Finn challange him for it but Joe turns him down and just walks out of the ring. Finn beats some dudes in a mini tournament to earn the shot at Wrestlemania. Finn enters as the demon king and has a massive entrance. They have a back and forth match that ends with Finn hitting the Coup de grâce. Winner - Finn Bálor

Universal Title - Brock Lesnar (C) Vs Roman Reigns Brock beats whom ever he's facing at the rumble and then on raw he's standing in the ring when Paul Heyman is cutting a promo on the fact that there is no one to challange Lesnar for the title at Wrestlemania. Out comes Roman and hitts Lesnar with a spear. As Brock is laying on the ground Reigns picks up the title. He looks at the title for a while before putting it on Brock and pointing at the Wrestlemania sign. Then he just leaves the ring. The week after that Heyman cuts a titantron promo saying that Brock is pissed and that he challanges Reigns to a match at Mania. They have a competetive match that ends with Roman slaying the beast and winning the Universal Championship. Winner - Roman Reigns

Smackdown Womens Title - (None) Horsewomen Vs Horsewomen During Charlottes match at the Royalrumble Shayna Baszlers music hitts and she comes walking down the ramp and stands on the ring apron. Whomever Charlotte is facing says fuck this and just leaves the ring. As Charlotte and Shayna is staring at eachother three hooded persons jumps out from the crowd and surrounds the ring. The one in the back takes of her hood and it's Ronda Rousey. The others take of theire hoods because at that point everyone already knows who it is. Just as they are about to enter the ring a remixed version of The Four Horsemens theme hitts and out comes Sasha, Bayley and Becky. The MMA Horsewomen jumps down from the apron and the WWE Horsewomen stand in the ring. Everyone is talking to eachother, throwing horsemen signs and pointing at the Wrestlemania sign. They have a competetive match but in the end the wrestlers win because that makes the most sence to me since it is a wrestling match. Winners - The Four Horsewomen of WWE

Smackdown Tag Team Titles - The Usos (C) Vs The New Day Doesn't need to much special build because every time these teams get in the ring magic just seems to come from out off no where. But the Usos retain so their fued can end and the division can open to more or possibly new teams. Winners - The Usos

U.S Title - Bobby Rood (C) Vs Baron Corbin Vs Dolph Ziggler Vs Shinsuke Nakamura Vs Rusev Vs Sami Zayn Vs Tye Dillinger Vs Neville Rood wins the title at Night of Champions. This is the official workhorse ladder match so it doesn't need any particular build except right before the match Daniel Bryan comes out and announces that one more person has been added to the match and out come a returning Neville. The match is a spot fest and everyone gets to have their high spots. Winner - Neville

WWE World Heavyweight Title - AJ Styles (C) Vs Kevin Owens Owens wins the Royalrumble match and gets to challange for the title at WrestleMania. They have a fantastic match where both guys get to show what they can do in the ring. But in the end AJ retains. Mainly because I've changed most of the titles... Winner - AJ Styles

Other Matches:

Kurt Angle Vs Jason Jordan Set this match up in backstage segments. I don't want to see them touch eachother before Mania. Somewhere in the match Jason grabs a mic and says that Kurt isn't his dad and that he was only using him, ending that stupid storyline. Kurt manages to make a comeback and Jordan tapps out to the Ankle Lock. Because sometimes legends deserv to win. Winner - Kurt Angle

HHH Vs Braun Strowman I want this to be a fairly short match. HHH attacks Braun before the bell rings, the match starts with HHH beating Braun. He hitts the Pedigree, but Braun kicks out at one. Braun gets up and just stares at HHH who can't belive what just happend. Then let the squash begin. Braun just pummles HHH and hits him with three or four runing powerslams and pins him clean in the middle of the ring. Winner - Braun Strowman

Bray Wyatt Vs Broken Matt Hardy Let this be a full gimmick match. Bring out sister Abigail. Bring out Señor Benjamin and Vanguard One. Let the characters make the match. Winner - No finnish

Ander The Giant Memorial Battleroyal: Just throw about 20 mainroster guys, 2 or 3 NXT guys and a handful of legends in the ring and it's all sorted.

[pwchronicle]

Impact Wrestling TV Taping Report May 3rd in Philadelphia, PA

 I decided to see Impact Wrestling (the former Total Nonstop Action) live and in person Friday night for the first time in years, giving them a shot based on a lot of the talent they’ve been building around. My live TNA experiences have consisted of a big house show in the summer of 2006 in what was then the New Alhambra Arena, Lockdown 2009, and Bound For Glory 2011. Those last two were in the Liacouras Center, and I only attended those because my Up North Radio colleagues decided to make a thing of it, so I was with plenty of friends. Friday was the first of two nights at the 2300 Arena to tape matches for TV. Doors opened around 7 PM when they were supposed to open at 6. There were a couple meet & greets (Madison Rayne, LAX and Konnan), but no merchandise in sight. The ring announcer was also unseen, just a voice booming within the building. They also brought out risers for the first time in forever to set up across from the hard camera. Not a full crowd, but it was a good size, and they were loud throughout most of the night.

I should note that I barely follow Impact and watch it even less, so apologies if I don’t know the names of every move.

Josh Mathews and Don Callis came out after previously being out to check on things. I recognized two of the four refs as Brandon Tolle (EVOLVE) and Kris Levin (GCW and Chikara). The first two matches were taped for Xplosion.

1. The Rascalz (Wentz & Trey) beat oVe (Jake & Dave Crist) when Dave was pinned after a meteora from Trey [Miguel] and a swanton from [Zachary] Wentz. A considerably hotter opener for a TV taping than the dark matches I’ve seen before ROH TV tapings. A lot of fun fast-paced action between four guys that know each other very well, beginning with the Rascalz hitting dives onto the Crists.

- They always played music in between the matches, and the invisible ring announcer would always talk to hype up the crowd before a match started.

2. Cousin Jake beat Wrecking Ball Legursky with a sidewalk slam. I know Jake better as out-of-focus Bruiser Brody on Viceland, and I thought he looked solid. Legursky was an Earthquake-type without being as heavy-set. This went longer than I thought it would.

- Matches for Impact started here, with several women coming out for a battle royal, some of them at the end likely to be highlighted on the actual show.

3. Glenn Gilbertti won a Knockouts Battle Royal over Tessa Blanchard, Madison Rayne, Jordynne Grace, Scarlett Bordeaux, Kiera Hogan, Alisha Edwards, Solo Darling, Tasha Steelz, Ashley Vox, and Karissa Rivera. Gilbertti was the last wrestler out, and he talked down to the ten women as the crowd chanted at him to shut the fuck up. No language warnings given to the crowd before hand. The bell rang, the ten women put the boots to him, and he slid out and joined in on commentary for the rest of it. The four freelance wrestlers (including Chikara regulars Darling and Vox) were all eliminated first and waited around ringside in heaps. Then Blanchard lifted up Edwards above her head, and the four eliminated women conveniently grouped up together to catch her on the floor for her elimination. It took two women to eliminate Grace. Taya Valkyrie ran out to beat up Rayne on the floor, then tossed her back in the ring so that she could be properly eliminated. Down to three, they all hit big moves on one another. Hogan eliminated Bordeaux with a clothesline. Hogan and Blanchard fought on the apron, with Blanchard eliminating her to seemingly win the match. Then Gilbertti slid back into the ring, clotheslined Blanchard, and tossed her over the top to actually win. Big heat for this finish as Blanchard angrily went after Gilbertii to the back.

4. Rosemary beat Su Yung in a Demon Collar Match with an F-5. Solid brawl between these two scary women, chained together by their necks. They both blew mist into the air before getting started. Rosemary was able to fight out of Yung’s mandible claw move. Rosemary also dodged Yung’s red mist. The detached from Yung’s collar, but it didn’t matter so much at this point. Yung was hit by Rosemary’s green mist as she came off the top, then Rosemary hit her with a spear and her finisher to win it. Rosemary then put her chained collar on Yung and grabbed a tight hold of the chain, hauling Yung on her back like a bounty hunter bringing in an outlaw. The fans got behind this and were high on both women, especially Rosemary.

5. Mad Man Fulton (w/ Sami Callihan) beat Randy Shawn with a tilt-a-whirl into End of Days. Total squash match. Fulton came to the ring with Callihan riding on his shoulders. Fulton hit his smaller opponent with three chokeslams before finishing him off, then continued attacking him afterward until Callihan pulled him off.

6. Killer Kross beat Eddie Edwards with a backdrop driver. Hard-fought match between these two, with Edwards still coming off as a strong wrestler underneath his brawly-brawl-brawl gimmick. The end came when Edwards got a hold of his kendo stick (Kenny?) that Kross had stolen from him, but whiffed on his attempt on hitting Kross with it.

- Kross put down Edwards with a head kick after picking up the win, and then he zip-tied Edwards to the middle rope. He put on gloves and looked to hit Edwards with the stick, and Edwards was ready for it. Instead, Kross paused before striking him and broke the stick in half, much to Edwards’ dismay. Kross laid the two halves of the stick and his gloves in front of a distraught Edwards and bowed to him, then scared off the ref (Tolle) with the broken stick and left with it, leaving Edwards to be freed by the ref.

7. Rich Swann beat Michael Elgin via disqualification. Swann is the Impact X-Division Champion, and I assume this match was non-title, and... hoo boy. Swann has had his personal issues that seem to have mellowed, and I’ve mellowed my attitude towards him too. The reputation Elgin has garnered still bothers me, and I was pretty bothered that Impact decided to bring him in. This exact match happening a year and a half ago would have been my ground zero for disdain. So I was already uneasy with it. Oh, and I should also mention at this half-way point of the show that there were a couple of drunks standing behind my seat, shouting really dumb stuff at the top of their lungs (especially during the women’s matches). So my general uneasiness with the match coupled with two assholes drilling their bullshit into my head led me to getting up for a snack break and hanging back. For what it’s worth, this match received maybe the hottest reactions up to this point. They were given a lot of time and did a lot of big moves for believable nearfalls. The end came when both were on the floor, and Elgin powerbombed Swann into the ringpost. The ref (Levin) warned Elgin to get back inside, and Elgin shoved him to the ground. He gave Swann another powerbomb into the ring post, and the ref called for the bell.

- Elgin looked to finish off Swann in the ring with an Elgin Bomb when Willie Mack ran in to make the save. After taking Elgin down, Johnny Impact ran in and laid out Mack. The two babyfaces down, Johnny and Elgin acknowledged one another before Johnny returned to the back. This led into intermission. Still no merchandise available. These were the only appearances of Johnny Impact and Willie Mack during the night.

8. Sami Callihan beat Fallah Bahh (w/ Scarlett Bordeaux) with a slingshot piledriver and his feet on the ropes during the pin. A longer match than I thought it would be. I saw how beloved Bahh was in his native WrestlePro over WrestleMania Week, and he was pretty popular here, so I guess he’s doing well in Impact. Since Bahh wrestles barefoot, Callihan focused some offense on his feet, including biting them. Late in the match, Bahh was going for a Banzai Drop in the corner when Dave Crist distracted the ref and Jake Crist knocked Bahh out of the corner. Bordeaux stood up to them, avoided getting a superkick from one of them, and then dove onto both of them off the apron. Then he opened the ropes so that Bahh could take them out with a tope. The match still continued a little longer before this. Better than expected.

- By this point, I realized that if I can just stand in the spot behind my seat where the drunks were standing, the drunks wouldn’t return. This pretty much worked.

9. Taya Valkyrie beat Madison Rayne to retain the Impact Knockouts Championship with a Glam Slam. The crowd was largely cold to this match, leading Tara to shout out to us, “Are you not entertained?” Taya worked Rayne over a lot, Rayne got some hope spots, and then Taya avoided Rayne’s finisher by holding onto the ref.

- As Valkyrie celebrated afterward, out came Rosemary. She was still leading around Su Yung on a chain like a leash, fastened the chain to the ring post so that Yung couldn’t escape, and put her focus on Taya, intimating that she’s coming for her title. Taya backed off and left. Rosemary got a great reception from the crowd during all of this.

10. LAX (Santana & Ortiz w/ Konnan) beat The North (Ethan Page & Josh Alexander) to retain the Impact World Tag Team Championships after they hit Alexander with a double-team flipping facebuster move. Online advertising I saw said it would be LAX vs. Swann & Mack, and while I wouldn’t have been balked at that match, I thought this match happening instead was a very pleasant surprise, and I wasn’t disappointed. It didn’t seem to last very long, but they packed a lot of double-team action into it, ending when they were able to isolate Alexander. All four guys were over, as was Konnan, who was basically a non-factor in the match.

11. Glenn Gilbertti vs. Ashley Vox went to a presumed No Contest. Gilbertti still had massive heat with the crowd from earlier in the night. He took a mic and said this was a public exhibition. After Vox made her entrance (big night for her!), Gilbertti asked for her name and how long she has been wrestling. She said four years. Gilbertti asked if she was dating any of the guys in the back, thinking that would be the only reason she would be here. The match started with Gilbertti taking a cheap shot and taking Vox down with a side headlock, still holding onto the mic to talk to the crowd. I always think back to Jerry Lawler doing this a few times in the mid 90s. He let up on the headlock and began cutting a promo to the hard cam on Scarlett Bordeaux, when Vox surprised him with a schoolgirl rollup for a nearfall. Gilbertti hit her with his Chart Buster finisher, but pulled her up from the pin. He looked to hit it a second time when Tessa Blanchard ran out, causing Gilbertti to quickly bail. Blanchard had the refs check on Vox.

12. Dez won an X-Division 4-Way over Petey Williams, Ace Austin, and Rohit Raju (w/ Gama Singh) when he pinned Raju following a running backflip kick. Singh came out first, talking briefly about the “EWC Arena,” bringing up names like Eddie Guerrero, Tommy Dreamer, and Rob Van Dam, and how his boys, the Desi Hit Squad, could have taken them all on. He introduced Raju, then Williams, Austin, and Dez[mond Xavier] each came out to strong reactions, with Wentz and Trey giving last minute support to Dez before heading to the back. More fun, fast-paced action, with Austin getting the biggest showcase of the four of them... until Williams took him out with a Canadian Destroyer. Williams went to hit Dez with one, but Raju stopped it with a doublestomp off the top to Williams’ back. The finish came up quickly after this. Dez and Williams shook hands afterward.

13. Rob Van Dam beat Tommy Dreamer with a Five Star Frog Splash. The return of RVD to Impact has led to the return of RVD’s dumb music from his band. RVD largely looks the same, just slightly older in the face. ECW nostalgia still runs wild, especially for what I assume were a lot of fans that have rarely or never been to this building. The crowd couldn’t believe their luck, as they were immensely hot for both guys as they did very little to start. The action picked up when Dreamer took RVD to the floor and spit water at him. A chair was introduced, leading to a lot of their greatest hits. Dreamer was able to hit RVD with a piledriver, and RVD was able to sell it by bouncing off the ring upon impact. When RVD hit his frog splash, he was able to get an impressive amount of distance on it.

- The two of them showed respect to one another after the match, but then The North ran back out and attacked them. RVD and Dreamer were able to fight off Page and Alexander, but then Moose ran out for the man advantage. Then the arena went dark to everyone’s delight, and sure enough Sabu appeared when the lights came back on, accompanied by Melissa Coates as his genie valet and a few chairs. She handed chairs to Sabu as he threw them at Page and Alexander’s heads to take him out, then he threw a chair to RVD so that he could hit Moose with a Van Daminator. The three ECW originals and Coates posed in the ring together, and then at the top of the entrance ramp, to close the show and send the crowd home happy.

Overall, I thought this was a show of peaks and valleys, and peaks within valleys, so I was left mostly cold to this show. A number of wrestlers on the card I enjoyed, interspersed with some I don’t and some segments that didn’t click for me. Some of the matches I liked the most I hoped would go longer, while a match I wasn’t looking forward to received a lot of time and is likely a TV main event. It’s nice seeing Rosemary and some of the other women getting a big showcase, and I’m hoping the angle with Gilbertti will have a nice payoff. I’ve had my fill of ECW nostalgia after my friend’s documentary was released. Surprisingly little of Johnny Impact here, and maybe not so surprisingly, nothing from the (likely very busy) Lucha Brothers. I only felt like going to the Friday taping, with no intention for the Saturday taping.

They announced that they will be back on June 8 with an Impact Plus special, with Great Muta the focus of the advertising. Based on who else I hear will show up (Lucha Brothers hopefully?), I might give them a shot. Otherwise, my live wrestling schedule for the summer so far is very eclectic.

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - The Philosopher-King We Deserve

Happy WWelentines day. Or something.

Transmission date: Monday 13/Tuesday 14 February 2017.

Guess who's back onyour screens with some fresh new FRIDAY NIGHT RAW? .

daniel, play my theme music .

(daniel is my sound guy) .

(he doesn't exist, but nor does my sound capability, so that's ok) .

we open on an in memoriam for chavo guerrero sr .

who i have no other information on, so i'll go for 'probably wasn't a murderer as far as i know' .

hedge hedge hedge .

but hey, he was eddie's brother .

so a certain amount of reflected love in any circumstance .

titles hit, and oh god i've just remembered what we've got in store this week .

cut to the arena, vegas uses 80% of its annual pyro allowance .

later we have the festival of friendship, a women's title match, and probably more things .

for one of those things, here's steph .

"You know it's going to be a big show when the Commissioner kicks things off!" .

no, cole, that's like 60% of episodes .

you pretty much just know it's going to be a monday .

steph has magnanimously given mick the week off because he was clearly .

stressed and overworked last week that explains everything .

a moment of silence for mick foley, of being reeducated .

and then several more moments of silence because roman has just walked in .

eliciting a deafening 'huh' .

he wants to fight braun now instead of waiting for fastlane .

steph asks the crowd for an opinion on it, then proceeds to ignore it .

roman doesn't care what anyone thinks because he's the big dog guy .

apparently we can't have that match because braun is fighting mark henry later .

(woo) .

roman makes a vague threat, steph forbids him from interfering .

and...now here are anderson and gallows? .

anderson has a new schmullet schmub shirt .

apparently they're here to stand up for steph .

and for everyone who doesn't care for roman's shit .

they want a handicap match against roman .

steph does a teddy long impersonation, everyone winces .

so that match is a thing, and apparently teddy is in the hof class this year .

so roman and the club commence to murderbrawl .

and that match is now .

it's...deeply dull, what can i say .

villainous men stamp on heroic man .

and gallows punches him until the ref calls the dq .

so that happened .

and post-beating magic killer .

or not .

roman counters out because fuck your finisher .

two punches and a convenient chair later, villainous men slink away .

woo .

hey, let's hype strowman/henry some more .

cos that's exciting .

but now, a video package about the beautiful friendship between chris and kevin .

including a mashup of chris putting everyone on the list .

advert for upcoming doc on andre .

but now, the new day .

so maybe we'll have some fun twenty minutes in .

okay, 17 minutes .

fuck you, time code .

introduced as kofi accompanied by his peeps, so i assume he has a singles match .

crowd immediately start a who chant, new day are just like cmon guys we have the who planned, give us a minute and we'll get to it .

holy shit, he's fighting bo .

i was wondering only yesterday if he was still employed .

big e has the blueprints for the new day ice cream machine .

i have no idea if this whole thing will have a payoff, or if it's just them being weird .

corey hates them because he's lactose intolerant .

my man .

we want ice cream chants begin, kofi says fuck the match and conducts them .

meanwhile, bo dances with big e as a distraction tactic, then steals and tears up the blueprints .

the fuck is even going on .

bo hits a twisting draping ddt off kofi's deep sadness, and honestly looks like he's going to get a win for a second .

but he doesn't .

needless to say .

and sos for the win .

and then big e pours bootyos on him and in his mouth .

because the new day .

corey: "Everyone knows you shouldn't feed cereal to an unconscious man!" .

your mum was fucking weird, corey .

now, charly interviews neville about the politely looming threat of one mr gallagher .

neville doesn't give a shiiiiiiiiiit .

jack appears, tries to quote shakespeare, neville's just like no .

jack walks off, presumably to have a match, but calls neville a bloody pillock first .

i am super english, so this is great to me .

and now, more recap videos of the chrevin saga .

while we purple up the ring .

cut to ads and further purpling time, and now we have noam dar v jack gallagher .

austin does an impression of noam saying alicia foooooooooooooox, and honestly? not bad .

i can't say much about this match, because the beauty of jack gallagher glitching out of moves cannot be expressed in words

.

alicia is very excited about noam getting some attack in .

prepare for disappointment, hun .

and headbutt to dropkick for the win .

that was pretty short, but great fun .

because how could those two have a match that isn't .

but here's neville, to suck away my good feeling with his sliiiiiiiightly too slow music .

but now, here's a limo .

containing one (1) samoa joe .

and also hunter .

but now, emmalina video .

which should be the last one, thank god .

because that's up next .

cut back from ads, and we need more time to change the ropes, so have some stock video of cegas and a chrevin video .

including the 'sin cara in an incredibly convincing jericho mask' bit .

which was amazing .

but now, emma .

in a slinky dress .

the fuck has happened to you .

and not even any incongruous gloves .

*sad face* .

...huh? .

"And now, you will see the makeover of Emmalina to Emma." .

and she walks off .

the actual fuck .

has this whole thing been a massive bait and switch for people like me .

god, i hope so .

but now, [insert woman here] interviews bayley .

she's excited .

apparently the title match is going to be the main event .

which is good .

interview woman is grinning too because excited bayley is just so infectious .

and now, chris and kevin .

chris is excited .

introduces the festival in english, spanish and japanese .

tomodachi-matsuri .

love it .

but then hunter collars kevin .

apparently they have something to talk about .

so chris goes off to plan a party .

brief shot of hunter and kevin talking earnestly in a corridor .

with no sound .

hmmmmm .

[plot thicBRRRRAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH .

fuck it braun, can i not get through a stage direction in peace .

he's fightingmarkhenry, so let's have recap videos of his problems with roman .

just so we all remember where this match is inevitably going .

Previously on [SHOW], do you remember this thing that happened two seasons ago that would seem to have no relevance to the current situation well keep that in mind no reason .

braun and mark start off by just shouting at each other .

they're trying to portray this as an equal match, espite one of them being in the middle of a push to the moon and one being mark fucking henry .

crowd are chanting for something, but it's not either of these two .

mark goes for the world's strongest slam, basically counters himself by falling over .

and...braun does a dropkick? .

sure, why not .

and then running powerslam for the win .

say what you will about him, it's impressive to see braun casually hoist a 400-pound man onto his shoulder .

totally surprising everyone, here comes roman .

stalks slowly towards the ring and glowers, braun responds by punching him in the head

.

bold strategy .

cue small brawl with large men .

two superman punches do little to faze braun, then a spear gets reversed into a powerslam .

stay down, dude .

braun wanders off, licking his lips a weird amount .

roman lies in the ring going OW MY EVERYTHING .

end thing .

now, samoa joe is backstage in the interview room .

which contains only red curtains, a small tree, and a table with a model elephant on .

yknow, that classic interior design aesthetic .

but first, more chris and kevin videos .

and a sportsdude in the audience .

cesaro and sheamus train bayley backstage .

and/or hit each other .

and now enzo and cass come to mock them .

sheamus is so angry he completely fucks up his lines .

enzo being even more of a tool than usual .

is this a heel turn, or are they just the worst faces? .

the eternal question .

and we fade on them arguing .

nothing is resolved .

and now, we get cole interviewing joe backstage .

what the fuck, the curtains on cole's side are blue .

that just makes this look like two videos were really shittily edited together .

and if it's not that, then any other camera angle would presumably reveal this to be the ugliest room in history .

joe's attitude to this interview is basically "Fuck your interview" .

but, yknow, in a well-spoken way .

he is the philosopher-king we deserve .

samoa joe 4 great khan .

cole asks about seth and triple h, joe's just like excuse me which of these men are you interviewing .

god, i love him .

he's just very outspoken about how he's here to murder everyone and we should all just calmly wait our turn .

cole is sitting in front of an empty vase, a wooden flower in front of it, and the most distractingly blandly shite wall art .

the actual fuck is up with this room .

joe's spinning it that he's not just hunter's muscle, he's his associate .

walks away, leaves cole looking mildly traumatised .

but now, LET'S GO .

enteer the happy canadian man who skanked his way into all our hearts .

he's fighting handsome rusev, who weirdly wasn't announced by lana .

at least jojo didn't call him handsome rusev .

i'm still amazed how blatantly they've repeated this angle .

well, seven year rule, i guess .

(in other news, holy fuck dashing cody rhodes was in 2010) .

i like sami's new tights, but he needs to be aware that when he splays his legs while trying to fight out of an incredibly long rest hold, the pattern makes a huge, impossible to ignore X over his perineum .

this is simultaneously a pretty good match and formulaic as fuck .

like, it's basically the same as every other match each of these guys has ever fought, but on the other hand, those were good matches .

corey thinks 'handsome' should be rusev's legal first name .

fuck it, i agree .

that'd be hilarious .

although i can't decide whether it'd be funnier as a middle name .

rusev's mask falls off, he is unmasked luchador levels of distressed .

so he...puts it back on .

well that was a thing .

rusev keeps kicking sami's head off, but they keep growing back .

turns out sami zayn was a hydra all along .

who knew .

weird sequence of not-quite-spots there .

sami seems weirdly reluctant to actually do anything .

and then helluva kick with no setup or anything for the pin .

huh .

so that happened? .

i feel like i fell asleep and missed part of it, but i'm reasonably sure i didn't .

charly? appears on the ramp to interview sami .

oh, it is charly .

thanks for letting me now, sami .

sami gives an inspirational speech about getting back up whenever bullies murder you .

and swings straight in to cutting his hottest promo ever in joe's direction .

mentions mania, the WHOMP WHOMP WHOMPs kick in before he can finish that thought .

and joe blindsides him by not coming in the main entrance .

still wearing a dress shirt .

and just mashes sami into the minitron .

and coquina clutch until death .

cut to charlotte putting boots on and looking at her belt .

but now, stock footage of vegas woooooo .

and a thing about teddy long making the hof .

which would be great, but for the fact that steph told us that in her opening .

so...holla, i guess? .

beautiful shot in this video package of a white guy in the crowd with a sign saying HOLLER HOLLER PLAYER .

there's a lot to say about that .

ah, that's why we got that long-ass video .

it's cruiserweight time .

enter akira tozawa and his kick-ass music .

kendrick is on announce so he can talk about how great tozawa is .

and bet "a whole bushel of bananas" about the other crusierweights' backstage habits .

you do you, brian .

and they keep talking about bananas .

i have no fucking idea where this came from .

oh, by the way, ariya's here too .

in memoriam ariya daivari's back .

akira deploys my second-favourite catchphrase .

which is, of course, HA .

ooh, nasty move there .

tozawa goes for daivari in the corner, he drops down and chop blocks him in the shins so he hits the middle rope with this face .

and that suicide dive .

fuck, i love tozawa .

a few more kicks, and snap german katabasis for the win .

kendrick applauds his effective training .

tozawa entirely fails to notice him .

but next up, kebin to kurisu no tomodachi-matsuri .

after some more recaps of their friendship .

going all the way up to last week .

festival kicks off, as with all vegas festivals, with all the pyro .

and dancing girls .

we have officially gone full vegas .

chris struts in wearing a silver lamé jacket and hat .

this is so goddamn ridiculous it turns around into amazing .

chris is going for maximum ham .

intriduces kevin who looks faintly mortified and disappointed at the whole thing .

chris leads the girls to the ring, kevin stays a loooooong way behind them .

he has no clue what kind of stroke his friend has had .

whoever you are in the crowd with a feather-trimmed FESTIVAL OF D-BAGS sign, i love yoou and want you to succeed .

there are several mysterious objects on stage .

seriously, this is all being presented by a man wearing a silver sequinned trilby .

object #1 is a sculpture .

by ralph guggenheim, the premier norwegian minimalist maximalist artiste .

apparently it cost chris $7000 .

kevin is less than impressed .

but tries to be nice for his friend .

object #2 is a painting .

it's the creation of man, but with chris as adam and kevin as god .

that is fucking amazing .

wwe art department, you have earned your salary .

chris tells kevin to hang it in his home .

kevin is like i have two kids, and you're not wearing pants in this .

chris: "It's ART, you don't NEED pants!" .

best quote .

gift #3 is Friendship, the Magician .

who is apparently the illuminati of illusion .

i have no idea .

i'm just typing as these things happen .

kevin is like hey my 9-year-old son can do those tricks .

so Friendship the Magician has made the list .

which he deserves for that lime shirt, if nothing else .

chris admits to finding a magician on craigslist, dismisses him whence he came .

chris makes reference to the fact that he should have stopped goldberg ever making it to fastlane .

dramatic buildup .

is gift #4 a gun .

kevin's face is a picture .

no, apparentl gift #4 is chris calling goldberg out .

this'll end so well .

holy fuck .

dramatic entrance, and it's fricking gillberg .

outstanding work .

kevin runs out, murders him, and comes back to hector chris .

kevin is pissed and confused .

and chris is trying his best god bless him .

does a heartfelt speech about how much kevin means to him and how he's got his back .

d'awwwww .

and promises he'll make sure kevin beats goldberg .

awwwwww, they love each other and they actually said it .

i love that they're advancing discourse tbh .

kevin's all embarrassed because he got chris something but it's not as good as all his stuff .

and it's a new list .

ohhhhhhh .

chris's name is on it .

and it's the list of KO .

kevin beats the shit out of chris and his art .

this is honestly making me sad ;.; .

such a beautiful relationship, ruined forever .

well, if they wanted to reaffirm kevin's heel status, there they go .

and apron powerbomb .

the death knell on this beautiful beautiful angle .

but then, it's a great setup for owens/jericho at mania .

which i'm looking forward to .

smashes chris into the festival of friendship sign, which shatters impressively .

walks out of the ring, casually pushing the original guggenheim over, as referees tend to chris .

cut to ads as we all console our children .

chris is being stretchered off into an ambulance .

while cole talks about his emotional trauma .

all the announcers are unified in their shock and dismay .

but now we have to do another segment, so everybody cheer up .

and now we have something with anderson and gallows .

but we're all too depressed to care .

okay, no .

apparently we're having cesaro/enzo .

so first we have enzo offering his analysis of cesaro .

consisting mostly of switzerland and baywatch puns .

the two are linked in context, i promise .

enter cesaro, who gets a longer section of his entrance than usual before sheamus joins him .

i love these two together way more than i ever thought i would .

corey is pissed that he has to watch enzo after the traumatic events of the last segment .

cesaro throws enzo into the ropes, he stumbles a bit, then goes fuck it and throws himself over them .

don't worry zo, nobody saw .

cesaro is fucking enzo up, and the crowd love it .

cole points out the siiiiiiiiign .

enzo hits a shitty ddt, cesaro briefly sells it before getting bored and uppercutting his head off .

not a finisher we've seen him use for a little while .

well, that was certainly a comedown segment .

but now, the black history month segment .

which today is about rosa parks .

who was also not at wrestlemania .

i want one of these superstars to say "Nevertheless, she persisted." .

didn't happen .

ah well .

next up, it's main event time .

but first, charlotte mocks sasha backstage .

and says she should be fired for getting injured and destroying morale .

cue trashtalk exchange .

and ads for next week .

oh great, we have braun/show .

what did we ever do to you, wwe .

(says the woman who writes a weekly blog taking the piss out of wwe) .

but now, it's women's title time .

i love that this is the main event .

bayley has a sparkly black jacket with the fringes on it, and i approve .

charlotte's dressing gown continues to get ever more elaborate .

billed as 'charlotte flair' again .

they really need to work out whether they're doing that or not .

this match is starting off slow, but we've got time .

and it's just showing off how good both of these are technically .

i do love people who can make mat-based chain wrestling fun .

bayley decides to get dangerous, proceeds by mashing charlotte's face into the turnbuckle .

between that and charlotte switching to her striker moveset, this is turning into quite the brawl .

and a surprising number of submission holds by charlotte .

including a weird leg trap neckbreaker hold i don't think i’ve ever seen before .

and an exposed knee drop, because she has to slowly adopt all her dad's moves .

ooh, and a dragon sleeper .

charlotte has just brought an entirely new moveset to this match .

bayley reverses out, gets an attack phase .

and gets kicked in the face for her trouble .

RAW Las Vegas: Where beauty and joy come to die. .

moonsault off the barricade onto a standing bayley's neck .

ow .

bayley is getting added to my 'please don't kill yourself for our amusement' list .

bayley gets an attack phase, then they both crossbody each other simultaneously .

bayley gets up first, fuelled by the rage of the unheard millions .

inverted exploder of RAGE .

springboard elbow drop, nearfall .

draping ddt because fuck it, bubbly hispanic girls can be randy orton .

nearly falls off the top turnbuckle on her way to a top rope elbow drop .

has the grace to smirk at the fans about it .

these two are just giving it eveyrthing .

beautiful avalanche hurricanrana by bayley, nearfall .

and dana fucking brooke appears .

bayley coldcocks her off the apron, locks the shitting figure four on charlotte .

so dana rakes her eyes to break it .

charlotte gets a figure eight .

and sasha appears to hit dana with a crutch and then hit charlotte in the face too .

bayley to belly .

and the pin .

and bayley finally gets her belt .

between this, naomi, and bray, this mania season is the season of recognising hard work .

everyone cries .

i may be one of these people .

eh, we'll take it out in post .

bayley is beaming, laughing, and jumpng the barricade to hug fans .

she is our champion .

now that was a hell of a match, only enhanced by the narrative .

the crowd are so fucking pumped .

they may never give her back .

the camera is having trouble finding her in the crowd .

the refs have hustled her back into the ring before she gets touched by too many people .

and we fade on her in the ring, having the time of her life .

RAW Las Vegas: Bittersweet, like slightly suspect dessert wine. .

but we can't let it end there .

(because hisorically, it didn't, and all) .

because speaking of hardworking superstars who deserve belts, in the aftermath of Elimination Chamber 2017: Where Everything Was Shit Until Suddenly It Wasn't, we have MONDAY AFTERNOON RAW! .

(yeah, we snuck a weekend-long cut in there somewhere and none of you noticed) .

(good work, daniel) .

(i'll get you taken off the list) .

opening with recaps of chamber, which was often disappointing but overall pretty good .

including the moment when cena went down and the entire world went holy shit .

and we open the actual show on bray entering .

with his lantern light nicely catching off his shiny new belt .

but without his family .

</3 .

but to be fair, bray clearly follows a "i will give you victory if you kill your sons" kind of god .

apparently we're having a title rematch tonight .

and if cena retakes it, i'm done with this shit .

you deserve it chants bring the house down .

bray has a speech about how sister abigail revealed his long road to victory to him .

and how he finally has the whole world in his hands .

...well played .

this is surreal and amazing .

bray will lead us to paradise .

which is nice .

bray announces the era of wyatt and hellfire for his foes, crowd cheer rapturously .

which i'm not sure should be the reaction to that kind of pronouncement .

so here's cena to save us from the devil .

and the lights come up, allowing us all to appreciate bray's new spiky leather jacket .

cena starts off by magnanimously acknowledging bray's win .

calls the crowd brainwashed for saying bray deserves it .

fuck off, john .

and gets a whole thing about how you have to earn shit and bray somehow hasn't done that .

cena proposes they have a match right now .

so here comes aj styles, who's totally involved .

protip, dude: we don't want none .

aj thinks cena shouldn't get a rematch before him for some reason .

he apparently objects to the idea of queue-jumping .

although how aj gets a rematch for a belt he didn't have in the first place is kind of beyond me .

but he wants a rematch right now as well .

well this is awkward .

here comes daniel bryan to resolve the double booking .

opens by congratulating bray again, because we need to constantly remind ourselves that bray winning a belt actually happened .

according to bryan, we have a conundrum .

luckily, there was a super obvious way to resolve it .

so he's done that .

later tonight, triple threat title match, which bray will probably win by dredging up some family .

also tonight, we have becky/mickie again .

and naomi does an undefined thing .

but now, american alpha are great .

walking moodily down a corridor .

very brief vignette of dean stomping through backstage looking for baron .

not sure why that needed to be there .

the editing on smackdown is so avant-garde .

or possibly shit .

hard to tell sometimes .

so now we have alpha/ascension .

so it's time to see whether we're actually going to make this ascension push a thing or not .

they're getting an entrance, at least .

they've tweaked viktor's paint again .

one day, they'll find something they like .

or they won't and they'll keep changing his look until one day he gets paired up with an irritating rapper and fades into obscurity .

could go either way, really .

alpha's gear detailing is now green tiger-print, which i'm not sure i can support .

think of the green tigers .

they're making a whole thing of the ascension stopping to talk strategy, which is honestly pretty great to see .

makes this make sense .

rather than just expecting every teamto be as telepathic and/or perfectly synchronised as #DIY .

speaking of which, after a brief brawl, jordan and gable just simultaneously clotheslined both of the ascension while jumping off the same turnbuckle .

they are the true power couple of wrestling .

the ascension are getting a really good fight in here .

it's like we're suddenly back on nxt .

jason takes his top off, sets up for grand amplitude, but gets bullfought into the ring post while the ascension beat some crap out of chad .

but still, couple of spots later, chad erupts out of nowhere to finish a beautiful grand amplitude on viktor for the pin .

cut to a video of the usos mocking alpha .

so much for that ascension push, i guess .

only space for one tag team story on this show .

the usos basically promise to hunt and kill jordan and gable .

but now, ellsworth and carmella .

he invites her out for a valentine's dinner, she wants to keep it professional .

dean appears to hunt baron, pauses to tell ellsworth that carmella's exploiting him .

daniel bryan appears to resolve the issue .

is like hmmmm baron's not here right now, but you clearly need to fight .

how about this dude? .

dean likes this arrangement, ellsworth is less impressed .

another segment about teddy long, jbl shouts holla a lot while being the oldest, richest, whitest, old rich white guy .

carmella enters, with ellsworth announcing her .

let's be honest, he's not bad on the mic .

but this is the dean match, so apparently introducing his meal ticket is actually his entrance .

dean's music kicks, long beat, baron walks out dragging dean behind him .

cue those two fighting on the stage .

deep six through a pair of tables, destroying something in a satisfying shower of sparks .

black tablecloths cover dean, making it look like baron's dumped him through the floor into the waiting maw of hell .

sombre announcers segue to another thing, ellsworth and carmella presumably slink off .

because now we're talking about nikki/nattie .

and how, as they keep pointing out, nothing was resolved as chamber .

which they're trying to spin as being plot in itself .

pan out to bryan and nikki watching the footgae from chamber and bryan complaining at her .

and here's nattie to complain some more .

bryan apparently has a solution, but they're arguing over him .

cue a fight which apparently numerous security guys cannot split up .

finally, a pissed bryan announces that if they're going to pull this shit, they can have an FCA match next week .

this pleases your genial host greatly .

it's like my favourite match type .

and we get them maybe twice a year these days .

but now dasha is backstage with baron and his ugly moustache .

who is very forthcoming about the fact that he's pissed because he didn't win chamber so he murdered dean .

i think they're going to try and make "Because Baron Corbin." into a thing .

seems like the kind of thing they'd catchphrase .

and now, renee is in the blue curtain room with dolph .

and shockingly, i love her jacket .

dolph is like hey, i despise the new generation of wrestlers for trying to upstage me, so i'mma kill them all kthx .

good to know, i guess .

but now it's time for lynch/james again .

becky gives a girl in the crowd her goggles, makes her day .

and now here comes mickie, with her entrance music by Phoni Oregano .

clip of chamber's talking smack, where mickie (somehow glam as fuck immediately after a ppv), criticises young entitled wrestlers who don't respect her .

i'm spotting a running theme here .

also, apparently the new generation get to, quote, "ride a golden horse around" .

which i'm not sure is something anyone has ever said, or, indeed, done .

it's like she's getting her lines supplied by bad contestants on Catchprase .

it's good, mickie, but it's not right .

and she wants the current generation to respect past women's wrestlers as well .

not just her .

sure, mickie .

you keep telling yourself that .

jbl makes a forced reference to otunga being married to jennifer hudson, take a shot of something stronger than expected in the middle of the day, then go back to work like nobody noticed .

the ref is trying to stop these two fighting, and it's unclear why .

like, i thought that was the point .

i still like mickie's flares/knockoff Star Sapphire gear, and i'm fully aware of what a terrible person that makes me .

i love the strategy behind becky's moveset, which is, when presented with every situation, to think "how can i go from this to dislocating her shoulder?" .

both clothesline each other outside the ring .

apparently in the ad break just then, we missed becky trying to missile dropkick a ghost .

jbl tries to related becky winning matches to the Six Nations, take a shot of a foreign drink you don't quite understand .

that flapjack from mickie is still a good move .

like, it's the mark of a good signature move when you can do a basic move .

people do all the time and make it look good .

mickie is doing the whole rolling around going OW MY SHOULDER thing .

referee calls for a medic without throwing x's, we're all reassured .

and uses the distraction for a mick kick for the pin .

okay, that was really good .

mickie swaggers off while becky sits against the ropes smiling like okay, i maybe deserved that and you're a bitch .

up next, naomi does a thing, but first, let's talk about the upcoming andre doc .

which is hard, given that pretty much all they can say about it is "it's going to happen" .

cut back to the ring and naomi's there with renee .

i feel cheated of an entrance .

you deserve it chants briefly drown renee out .

wait .

apparently naomi's injured off that match? .

fuck off .

but she doesn't care, because wrestlers .

in breaks alexa .

this camera shot finally shows naomi's knee brace, so we have more details than 'an injury' .

alexa is here to mock .

renee disappears immediately .

apparently naomi imagined her injury because she can't beat alexa .

nobody condescend quite like alexa .

naomi does not care for her shit .

alexa's magnanimously giving naomi a week before their rematch .

and walks off, managing to walk backwards up a ramp while feigning a sarcastic knee injury .

that's probably a lot harder than it sounds .

but next, main eventing .

after a black history month thing with a quote from mandela .

and a push for 205 with tjp .

who gets a lot of boos .

we certainly have a rowdy crowd tonight .

but yes .

big match time .

so enter first BIG MATCH JOHN .

to shout at the crowd and cameraman .

loud man, that one .

now aj, who is still asking to be introduced as the face who runs the place .

brief wolfpac hands .

acknowledge your roots, styles .

side note: have they deliberately put the three catchiest entrance themes in the same match? .

john cena sucks/they don't want none/catching flies .

my ears appreciate this .

lights cut back on, luke harper is RIGHT FUCKING THERE .

and just unloads on bray .

this is still weird to see .

lands a brutal superkick .

cena and styles stood in the ring like dude, that's our job .

cut to ads, and we're doing the thing anyway .

currently consisting of cena and styles fighting while bray lies on the outside .

oh hey, he's back .

interrupts cena's five moves to pull him outside and put him through the steps .

only to take a plancha from styles .

okay, this match is pretty damn strong already .

styles drops a lovely diving forearm on bray, who has just decided to stop selling today .

cena makes it in, crossbody, crossbody, back drop, 5ks .

bray counters an aa into the start of sister abigail, only for aj to fly in from out of frame to fuck him up .

and get an aa himself, but kickout .

aj styles does not care for your physics .

bray does a spiderwalk into sister abigail on cena, aj breaks it up .

cut to ads, come back to aj trying to put bray through an unexpectedly resilient announce table .

so he elbow drops him through it from the barricade .

wow .

it's so nice to see bray getting proper main event matches .

aj goes for a phenomenal forearm, cena counters into an aa, goes for another but aj counters into a calf crusher .

which always makes me wince, but i have leg trouble .

cena fights out, turns it into an stf .

until bray sentons onto them both .

this is a hell of a thing .

bray throws aj out, goes for sister abigail, takes an aa, kicks out .

i swear, the aa is such a victim of power creep these days .

aj takes the moment to styles clash cena, who also kicks out .

speaking of power creep .

in other promotions, that move was like getting a boltgun to the head .

now it's a glorified transition move .

aj goes for a phenomenal forearm, cena pushes him off the ropes, sister abigail to cena for the win .

actually a clean win .

i was not expecting that .

it's almost like they're giving him (gasp) an actual singles push .

but yeah, that match was great .

by any objective metric, it was a 100mph spotfest, but those three have enough spots to support that .

bray does his kneeling in the spotlight thing, interrupted by randy's music .

let's address this elephant .

randy walks slooooooooowly to the ring .

much glowering occurs .

in both directions .

fuck, why does randy have a mic .

who provided it .

but first, let's glower at each other some more .

it's unclear where this is going .

huh .

randy is refusing to fight bray as long as he is his master .

and pledging his undying loyalty .

welp, this isn't where i thought they'd take this .

randy kneels for his lord, is told he has 'the keys to the kingdom', then they both .

pose as the lights go down, music hits and the show ends .

the fuck was that ending .

when did smackdown get esoteric .

what, is our bold new direction going to be 'wrestling, but, like, if Jodorowsky did it'? .

i mean, i'm on board with that, it just wasn't what i expected .

i think we're officially through the looking glass here, people

[placetobenation]

SmackDown on Fox Episode #24 SmackDown Episode # 1,073 Orlando, FL – WWE Performance Center 3/13/20 The show opens with Triple H up on the perch welcoming us to the first of who knows how many shows WWE will be doing from the Performance Center, he then goes on to tell us about the Performance Center. Triple H hopes that this show will help take people’s minds away from all the craziness that is happening in the world for a couple of hours. Triple H then welcomes us to SmackDown and the camera pans over to show that there are no fans in attendance.  Sasha Banks & Bayley make their way to the ring and we see that Triple H has joined Michael Cole on commentary. Sasha and Bayley talk about how they made the PC and thus this is their house, they then question Michael Cole as to where Paige was since she was supposed to confront them tonight and he tells them that she had travel issues.  Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross come out and Alexa says that they called out the Kabuki Warriors last week and the only response they got back was some weird tweets. Alexa says that the Kabuki Warriors know they want the titles and that’s why they refuse to come to SmackDown. Alexa says that if Sasha and Bayley are done talking trash then they can have a match right now and that leads to our first match of the night. Match #1: Boss ‘n Hug Connection vs Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross Bayley and Nikki start the match with a lockup and Nikki drives Bayley back into the babyface corner and tags in Alexa. Alexa takes Bayley down and hits her with the rolling double knee drop and then tags Nikki back in who hits a dropkick on Bayley and Bayley quickly scurries to the corner as Nikki tags Alexa right back in. Nikki hits Bayley with an avalanche in the corner and then Alexa hits the quick stop slap. Alexa goes up top but Sasha pulls Bayley out of the ring before Alexa is able to do anything. Nikki runs around the ring and then leaps off the ring steps taking Sasha down with a crossbody and then Alexa hits Bayley with a baseball slide and the babyfaces are in full control as we go to break.  We come back from break and Bayley has taken control of Alexa as she has her in the corner stomping a mudhole in her. Bayley drags Alexa into the heel corner and tags in Sasha and they continue to beat Alexa down. Alexa blocks a hip toss attempt and turns it into a pinfall combination but only gets a 2 count. Alexa gives the sweet innocent angel face and then blocks a punch from Sasha and hits her with a right hand of her own. Alexa takes Sasha down with a flying head scissors that sends Sasha into the corner and then charges at her, but Sasha grabs her and throws her face-first into the middle turnbuckle and then follows up by hitting the double knees in the corner which gets a 2 count.  Sasha tags in Bayley and they cross the arms of Alexa and send her into the corner. Bayley chokes Alexa across the middle rope and then Sasha gets a cheap kick in from the apron. Bayley sends Alexa back into the heel corner while taunting Nikki and then tags in Sasha. Bayley whips Sasha in Alexa’s direction and Sasha mocks Alexa by doing the quick stop slap to her. Alexa goes for a schoolgirl pin out of nowhere but it only gets a 2 count and she is taken right back down with a dropkick. Nikki is clapping her hands to try and get the non-existent crowd fired up for Alexa. Sasha locks in a chin lock on Alexa and then transitions it into a surfboard, Alexa gets to her feet and throws Sasha off of her only for Sasha to knock her right back down.  Sasha tags Bayley back in and then holds Alexa so Bayley can connect with a blow to the mid-section. Bayley tries to ground Alexa again but she fights out of it so Bayley sends her back into the corner and tags Sasha back in. Alexa fights her way out of the corner and then avoids the running double knees and she is finally able to make the hot tag to Nikki. Nikki hits the avalanche in the corner and then bulldogs Sasha out of the corner and then knocks Sasha off the apron. Nikki goes for a tornado DDT, but Sasha throws her off and goes for a Meteora but Nikki avoids it and turns it into a sunset flip for a 2 count. Nikki keeps trying different pinning combinations, but Sasha continues to kick out. Nikki sends Sasha into the corner and charges at her, but Sasha backdrops her out to the apron only for Nikki to hit her with a dropkick from the apron through the ropes and then goes up top and hits her with a crossbody which gets a 2 count as Bayley breaks up the pin. Alexa comes in and takes Bayley down and Bayley acts like her eye is injured which distracts the referee long enough for Asuka to come out of nowhere and drive Alexa back first into the edge of the ring. Asuka dances on the ramp while back in the ring Sasha locks in the Bank Statement on Nikki which leads to Nikki tapping out.    Winners: Boss ‘n Hug Connection via Submission   Match Rating: **½ This was a nice way to kick off a very unique and surreal episode of SmackDown as these four women put on a good match despite having to be the first ones of the night to wrestle in a match without an audience. I liked how Bayley and Sasha made up for there being no crowd by interacting with Cole and Triple H in their pre-match promo. I did get a nice laugh anytime they would try to do the usual crowd interactions like Nikki trying to get the crowd behind Alexa so she can fight her way out of a hold. It looks like Kabuki Warriors vs Bliss & Cross is indeed going to be happening (that is if WrestleMania even happens) as we finally got a response from the champions in the form of Asuka attacking Alexa during the match. It will be interesting to see if they add a third or fourth team to the match like has been rumored. I do wonder what the plan was for Paige had she made it to SmackDown this week to confront Bayley and Sasha.   We come back from commercial and see a video recap of the Goldberg and Roman Reigns confrontation from two weeks ago.  Michael Cole is in the ring as he is set to interview Roman Reigns. Cole asks Reigns about how weird it was to come out without an audience and Reigns says they all of the WWE superstars live off the reactions of the crowd and making them cheer or boo so it was weird, but he is happy to be back in the PC. Cole then asks Reigns about the up and down year he has had and Reigns says he has been blessed and has been driven by the fact that he has his health and is able to get up each day and live life and he is glad to be back in a title match at WrestleMania. Cole asks Reigns about his critics that say that Reigns got a title match out of nowhere, Reigns says that he has been dealing with these same critics his entire career and then he poses the question of why shouldn’t he be in the main event at WrestleMania when he has spent all year being the main event of every show he has been on, and why shouldn’t he reap the benefits of all the hard work he put in all year? Reigns says that nobody in WWE has the level of commitment that he has and that he came back as fast as he could from his bout with Leukemia just so he could do what he loves and he isn’t bowing down to anyone and he is taking what is his.  Cole says the tagline for the match between Reigns and Goldberg at WrestleMania is Spear vs Spear and then asks Reigns’ response to the fact that Goldberg said that he was going to bulldoze Reigns down with his Spear. Reigns takes a shot at Georgia saying that because Goldberg went to college there he probably doesn’t even know how to operate a bulldozer. Reigns says he has a lot of respect for Goldberg and calls him an Icon, however, with that said Goldberg is a part-timer and he doesn’t have time for that because he is full time and he has dedicated every day of his life to wrestling and this is all he thinks about. Reigns says he was born and bred from wrestling and he has eaten from the WWE table his entire life. Reigns says Goldberg doesn’t know what he is in for and this match is more than just one move as Reigns has mastered the nuances of performance and at WrestleMania, he is gonna whoop Goldberg’s ass and he is taking back his Universal Title. Cole thanks Reigns for the interview and the segment ends.  I really enjoyed this interview as this felt like more of an interview with Joe Anoa’i rather than a promo by Roman Reigns as he was very relaxed and felt way more genuine than he usually does when he cuts a promo, even though the line where he says he has mastered the nuance of performance was a very strange way to say he is a better wrestler than Goldberg. I thought once the interview got to the part about Goldberg they did a good job of getting straight to the point. I also didn’t mind Reigns’s explanation of why he should be in this match against Goldberg. Overall this was a good segment, however, it pales in comparison to the promo we get later in the night.  We cut backstage where Sami Zayn and his boys think they are going to be interviewed, but Kayla Braxton tells them they have been bumped and Zayn says that usually, he would be upset about this, but he is too busy celebrating Intercontinental Title win from this past Sunday.  The person that Sami Zayn got bumped by was Jeff Hardy who says that he is happy to be back and happy to be healthy and while he has been away he has searched his soul and he has come to realize he has a lot left to do in the WWE. King Corbin walks up and says that he isn’t happy to see Hardy back and then mocks Hardy’s past alcohol issues, Hardy tells Corbin that he has a big match tonight and it’s against the King himself.  Elias then walks up and says he hasn’t forgotten what Corbin did last week and he has even written a song about it, but Corbin doesn’t care to hear it and walks off and when he does Elias says that Corbin has no idea what’s coming.  We are then told we will get a replay of the SmackDown Tag Team Title Elimination Chamber after the break.  We come back to a recap of the Daniel Bryan vs Drew Gulak match at Elimination Chamber and Triple H praises both guys.  We go to the back and Bryan walks up to Gulak and says that Gulak was right and that he does have holes in his game and on top of that his neck still hurts from this past Sunday. Bryan says that if Gulak is still willing to teach him then he is ready to learn from Gulak.  Sami Zayn and his boys walk up and Zayn talks about how Bryan refused their offer to join them and now Zayn has the Intercontinental Title while Bryan is a shell of his former self. Bryan steps up to Zayn, but Cesaro gets between them and this leads to Bryan challenging Cesaro to a match later tonight which Cesaro accepts.  We get the replay of the Chamber match which takes up a good portion of the show.  After the match, we cut to the ring where Miz & Morrison cut a promo which consists of them saying a bunch of positive things about themselves and if anyone disagrees speak now and there will be no booing or negative chants.  Daniel Bryan who is being accompanied by Drew Gulak makes his way to the ring as we go to commercial. When we come back we go to the announce desk where Triple H has taken control of the camera and says that they are short-handed and not everyone can have just one job. Cole says tonight feels like a flashback as his career in WWE started with DX giving him shit and now 25 years later he still has to deal with it.  We get a replay of the announcement on WWE Backstage that Rob Gronkowski is headed to the WWE. We then go to the announce table where Mojo Rawley has joined Cole & Triple H at ringside and he confirms that Gronk will be on SmackDown next week and then Mojo gets super hyped up and starts grabbing Cole and shakes him around and Triple H joins in on the fun as well because he loves messing with Cole.  Rob Gronkowski is coming to the WWE YAY!!! (cue eye roll) I couldn’t care less about this big jock coming to the WWE because that means we will basically have two annoying loud mouth jocks on the roster and I can barely tolerate Mojo as it is. I hope they don’t just throw him straight up to the SmackDown roster just because he has some name value because he needs to be down at the PC for a while just like Cain Velasquez. I can’t believe that just as I was starting to be able to tolerate Mojo as the heel that didn’t shy away from defending the 24/7 title they turned around and made him the obnoxious hype guy once again, thanks a lot WWE. 

Match #2: Daniel Bryan w/ Drew Gulak vs Cesaro w/ Sami Zayn & Shinsuke Nakamura Sami Zayn has joined commentary for this match We get a lockup and then Cesaro grabs a side headlock, but Bryan shoots him off into the ropes only for Cesaro to come back with a shoulder block and Cesaro makes a cover for a quick 1 count. Both men get to their feet and Bryan backs Cesaro into the corner and delivers the corner kicks to Cesaro’s mid-section until Cesaro catches his leg and spins Bryan around so that he is now in the corner and then Cesaro fires away with a barrage of European uppercuts to the point where referee Jessika Carr has to back him away only for Cesaro to hit one last uppercut that sends Bryan crumbling to the mat as we go to commercial.  We come back to Bryan working his way out of a hold and he gives Cesaro a kick to the leg only for Cesaro to come back with an uppercut that sends Bryan rolling out to the apron. We are shown that during the break Bryan and Cesaro had a brutal strike exchange. Bryan tries to hit a shoulder attack on Cesaro from the apron, but Cesaro avoids it and knees Bryan in the chest and then Cesaro dead-lifts Bryan from the apron and suplexes him into the ring and this gets a 2 count. Cesaro hits a couple of running uppercuts in the corner until Bryan finally starts to make a comeback with the backflip off the top turnbuckle and the running clothesline. Bryan hits the Yes Kicks on Cesaro but this is only enough to get a 2 count. Bryan charges at Cesaro but gets caught and hit with the pop-up uppercut for another 2 count and as Bryan kicks out Cesaro transitions into a crossface but Bryan shifts his weight to turn it into a pin, but Cesaro is able to turn that into a crucifix pin of his own that gets a 2 count. Bryan catches Cesaro in a small package and that is enough to get the win on the Swiss Superman. Winner: Daniel Bryan via Pinfall   Match Rating: **3/4 After the match, Zayn and his boys attack Bryan until Gulak comes in to help out Bryan, but the numbers catch up on Gulak as they beat him down and send him into the steps at ringside and then Bryan makes the save by hitting a tope suicida and then the referees come out to break up the brawl.  I looked on Cagematch.net and this match only went 6:25 and while it was good for what it was, this match should’ve gone a lot longer which they could’ve easily done, but for some reason, they decided to replay a match we had seen only five days earlier instead. They haven’t even had a match as a team yet, but I am already loving the Bryan and Gulak team and can’t wait to see them against all the other teams on SmackDown. I got a chuckle out of Gulak wanting Bryan to do the Yes Chant and Bryan pointing out that there were no fans there but doing it anyway because his new teacher told him to. I also thought Zayn was great tonight as the sore winner who couldn’t help but gloat about his Intercontinental Title win and rub it in everyone’s face.  We cut to the announcers where Triple H is wiping the sweat off Michael Cole and then he darkens Cole’s soul patch with a sharpie since it has turned grey.  We are told that next week will see the contract signing between Goldberg and Roman Reigns  Match #3: Jeff Hardy vs King Corbin Elias has joined commentary for this match Corbin attacks Hardy before the bell and the action quickly spills outside as Corbin sends Hardy into the barricade before rolling into the ring and waiting on Hardy to roll in so the match can start. Corbin sends Hardy hard into the turnbuckle and then stares down Elias at ringside. Hardy makes a comeback with a sit-out jawbreaker and then takes Corbin down with a running forearm. Hardy hits an inverted atomic drop and then hits the double leg drop and seated dropkick combo and then goes for a cover that only gets a 2 count. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fury, but Corbin pushes him off into the corner. Hardy hits a back elbow on a charging Corbin and then gets his boots up when Corbin charges in again.  Hardy runs at Corbin but Corbin catches him in a Deep Six which gets a 2 count and Corbin argues with the referee before staring down Elias once again and asking him why he is out there. Elias gets on top of the announce desk and starts playing guitar. Corbin tries to hit the End of Days on Hardy but he is able to roll through it and hit the Twist of Fury followed by the Swanton Bomb which is enough to get the win.  Winner: Jeff Hardy via Pinfall    Match Rating: ** It’s nice to see Jeff Hardy back in action and hopefully, he can have a good singles run and stay free of injuries. I thought Elias was great on commentary during this match.  After the break, we go back up to the perch where Triple H thanks us for tuning in tonight and how the fans are the most important part of the show, he goes on to say that even though there was no crowd there the WWE superstars poured their hearts out for us tonight so we could be entertained.  John Cena makes his way to the ring as he will be interviewed by Michael Cole.  Cole asks Cena what he has to say in response to Wyatt’s claim that Cena is the reason for the downward spiral that happened in his life and thus gave birth to The Fiend. Cena says this isn’t the first time someone has blamed him for their failures and a lot of the people who blame him had lots of potential but they got lazy and gave up. Cena says that Wyatt is his own worst enemy. Cena says he has had his share of setbacks but instead of giving up he adapts, overcomes, and gets back in the fight. Cena talks about how there are a lot of guys who talk about how being in the WWE has been their dream, but when the demand gets too great they get lazy and blame everyone except themselves.  Cena goes on to say that he believes in what he said last week about investing in the future, but Wyatt isn’t that future and he can’t understand why certain guys get fifth and sixth chances when all they do is say “What about me?” instead of “How can I help you?”. Cena says he wants to invest in people who earn it. Cena wants to take Bray Wyatt out of the equation and at WrestleMania, it isn’t going to be a show-stealing match it’s going to be gruesome and uncomfortable. Cena’s goal is that by the end of WrestleMania he will end the existence of one of the most overhyped, overvalued, & over-privileged WWE superstars in existence.  We then hear the laugh of Bray Wyatt and as Cena and Cole look around Wyatt pops up from behind the barricade. Wyatt says that he is glad that Cena is here even though he did say something pretty mean things about him. Wyatt talks about how great Cena’s life is right now and how most of us can’t imagine what it would be like to be Cena for just one day. Wyatt says that Cena has him all wrong as Cena is the one that is sick not him because Cena only cares about Cena and he doesn’t care who he has to bury along the way as long as he gets his spotlight, in fact, Cena fiends for the spotlight.  Wyatt says that Cena took something from him back when they had their match at WrestleMania XXX and since then Wyatt has thought about it so much that he wanted to smash his brain into pieces just so he could have a moment of peace without the voices talking to him. Wyatt says that one day he stopped fighting the voices and started listening to them and they took his messed up world and turned it into a funhouse. Wyatt says that Cena broke him but The Fiend put him back together and at WrestleMania, it’s going to be a slaughter. Wyatt then tells Cena to let him in and a video of The Fiend shows up as SmackDown goes off the air.  This was a fantastic way to close the show as this was hands down the best promo segment I have reviewed yet and it was so refreshing to hear a great promo after having to sit through Baron Corbin promos for the past four-plus months. It’s always nice to see some continuity in WWE and the fact that they are using Wyatt’s loss against Cena at WrestleMania XXX as the reason for this feud is some great storytelling. Everyone has always said that when Cena leaves out the poop jokes and childish humor in his promos that he is one of the best promos in wrestling and that proved to be true once again tonight as he cut a very passionate and well-spoken promo that actually felt a bit more heelish than a usual Cena promo. On the flip side, I thought Wyatt did a good job of calling Cena on his shit and I really liked the line about how Cena fiends for the spotlight. We finally got a great explanation of exactly how The Fiend came to be and why Wyatt listens to him and it all goes back points back to Cena, this was some of the best Wyatt character development we have gotten in quite a while and for once it made sense and wasn’t just Wyatt rambling on about nothing. This segment alone sold me on the Cena vs Wyatt match and I would be perfectly fine if there were no more interactions between them until WrestleMania as there is nothing else they could do to hype up the match that would be as effective as this was.  This was quite a unique and surreal episode of SmackDown to review and unfortunately by the way it’s looking it won’t be the last as they could be stuck doing shows at the PC without an audience for the next couple of months and on top of that the fate of WrestleMania is still up in the air although it should’ve already been postponed seeing as all other major sports and entertainment events have been canceled or postponed for the foreseeable future, however, the officials in Tampa are leaving it in WWE’s hands which is dumb because if they knew Vince they would know to never leave a decision like this in his hands, I mean this is the same guy who didn’t even stop a show when one of his workers died during the show.  As far as SmackDown itself goes I thought they did a good job for their first show under these crazy circumstances, while the matches were nothing to write home about I thought both the Roman Reigns interview and the closing segment were great and did a lot to build up to WrestleMania. I also want to say that the MVPs for this show were hands down Michael Cole and Triple H as they pretty much carried this show as they did a great job of finding a balance between getting over the talent that was in the ring and also being goofy and light-hearted which was definitely needed after everything the world has been going through the past couple of weeks, the fact that Triple H spent the entire show ribbing Cole was great but at the same time he was able to switch into professional mode when he needed to. I know people give Cole a hard time and can’t stand him and that is well warranted, but when he doesn’t have Vince screaming in his ear he is really good at what he does and tonight proved that as he was great in both roles of being a commentator and then as an interviewer during the Reigns and Cena segments, and he was also great in the role of being Triple H’s ribbing victim.  I truly do believe once Cole steps away from the announce table he will be someone we will actually come to respect and maybe even miss. With all due respect to Corey Graves, I wouldn’t mind if this was the announce team for SmackDown while they are down in the PC and I highly doubt the Raw team will be as good as what we got on this show. The only minor complaint I have about this show is that they should’ve given Cesaro vs Bryan more time instead of replaying the Chamber match, but other than that I thought it was a solid show under these circumstances.  I know some are complaining that they never mentioned that they were at the PC because of the Coronavirus and to that I say take a chill pill, this show was supposed to be an escape from the real world plus why do they need to state the obvious, I mean would there be any other reason as to why they would be running a SmackDown show at the PC in front of an empty crowd some people are just so biased that they can’t even give WWE credit even when they do something right.  That’s it for this week I’ll be back next week for our presumably second empty arena show from the PC  where we will continue down the road to WrestleMania which may or may not (but really shouldn’t) be happening on April 5.

[hazyheel]

Money in the Bank 2019 Review

On the pre-show, the Usos took on Daniel Bryan and Rowan, in a non-title rematch of their match a few weeks ago. I really don’t know why this was non-title, but whatever, no big deal. Before the match, The Usos called Bryan and Rowan Spongebob and Patrick, so that is how they are being written now. Bryan and Rowan worked on Jey’s leg, and pretty successfully cut off the ring from Jimmy. At one point, Rowan hit an awesome double superplex to both of the Usos. Jey nailed Bryan with a superkick, and went for a splash, but Bryan dodged and locked in a lebell lock, but Jey fought out. Both Usos tried to take down Rowan with suicide dives, but he caught both of them. They showered him with superkicks and then a double suicide dive to take him down. Bryan then went for a running knee, but at a superkick, before then hitting the double Us for the win.

Grade: B-. Decent action here, nothing too huge, but it is odd booking. Why not just do a tag match? Why must champions get pinned all the time in this company? Anyway, not the best way for the Earth’s champions to start off their reign, but that is fine. We will see a title mach between the two teams probably on Smackdown.

The Show opened up with the Women’s money in the bank Ladder Match. Competitors were Naomi (dressed as bumblebee to appeal to my geeky nature), Carmella, Nikki Cross, Mandy Rose, Ember Moon, Dana Brooke, Natalya, and Bayley. At the start of this match, I had a really big gut feeling that Mandy Rose was going to win here. I predicted Bayley, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that it would be Mandy. Right at the bell, everyone started to brawl wildly, with Cross just beating the crap out of everyone. All competitors in the match were taking shots at each other whenever they could, and it gave the match a super chaotic feel. At one point, Carmella messed up her knee a bit, and just sorta told Rose to get away when she tried to attack. One cool spot was when Naomi jumped off several ladders that other competitors were holding, and hitting a flying ensiguri to Rose. Another cool spot saw a bunch of women trying to sandwich Naomi between two ladders, but she did a split to dodge them both. An interesting spot saw Natalya and Rose continually squash Bayley inside a ladder, and the second she got out, she at a split legged moonsault onto a ladder by Naomi. Natalya once knocked over a ladder and sent about four people into the ropes, but immediately ate an eclipse from Moon off of a ladder on the outside. Even Moon wasn’t safe, as she then took a glam slam onto a ladder. Mandy was about to climb up to the briefcase, but Carmella limped back out and the two brutally fought at ringside, with Carmella coming out on top. She was about to win when Sonya Deville ran into the ring to pull Carmella down and then spear her. Sonya then literally fireman carried Rose up the ladder to the briefcase, but Bayley ran interference and pushed them both off. Bayley then grabbed the briefcase for the win. 

After the match, Charly interviewed Bayley about her win and her future. Bayley said that she would definitely win the championship. They talked about her past with Sasha Banks in the tag division, almost as a screw you to Banks who has been out since mania.

Grade: B+. This was a really good car crash of a match. There were a whole bunch of wild spots, with my personal favorite being the eclipse from the ladder. Naomi probably was the mvp of the match, with a couple awesome spots. It was really really fun here, and the impending split of Fire and Desire was teased even more here. Rose is totally gonna stay heel while Deville will turn face. That seems pretty clear. And Bayley winning was an awesome booking decision. She really deserves it, and just needed a little nudge into the main event of the women’s division. 

Backstage, Sami Zayn tried to bug Triple H who was on the phone, and Trips was having none of it. Sami wanted to confirmed that Strowman wouldn’t interfere in his match, and apparently Strowman was banned from the building. He wanted more protection, but Trips refused.

Next match was Rey Mysterio vs. Samoa Joe for the United States Championship. Dominic was backstage, so that is fun. Joe absolutely annihilated Mysterio’s legs, but Mysterio fought back with his speed. Mysterio hit a senton early in the match and messed up Joe’s nose, which was bellding in a super cool way. But the match was over quickly after a spike rana from Mysterio, and then he got the pin. Dominic and Rey celebrated, even though Joe’s shoulder was not down.

After the match, Joe beat the crap out of Rey, planting him with two Uranagis as Dominic watched in horror. 

Grade: C. So, the last time one of their matches ended quickly was simply because Mysterio was injured. Unless they called an audible on this for a broken nose, I don’t know why this match was so short. What was there was fine, but it wasn’t a punch of huge moves, it just felt shockingly normal. I wish this was better, but I think the finish was just crap.

Backstage, Strowman was walking around looking to kill Zayn. So that is fun.

Then we had the steel cage match between Shane McMahon and the Miz. Shane desperately tried to escape right at the bell, but Miz just tore him down violently, and the two really brawled in the middle of the ring. Shane quickly went for the coast to coast, but Miz picked the leg and locked in the figure four for a submission sequence. Shane inched his way towards the door while in the hold, but Miz continued to hold on. Shane grabbed a chair while on the outside, and introduced it into the match. Miz attacked Shane with the chair, and even slammed the door on his head. Then he drilled him with a Skull Crushing Finale, but Shane got his foot on the rope, and that caused a break. The ref stopped the count, and even the commentators were confused because there should be no disqualifications. The crowd chanted bullshit, but the match went on. The two eventually fought on the top of the cage, and Miz pulled him off the top for a nasty bump. He followed it up with a splash for a near fall. Miz tried to superplex Shane into the ring as he was trying to escape, but Shane slipped out of his shirt and out of Miz’s grasp to fall to the floor and win. 

Grade: D+. Not nearly as good as their match at Wrestlemania. This had a lot of good retribution for Miz, but Shane really shouldn’t have won here. Miz could easily win and then they could have a rubber match. But this was just bad, right down to the botched foot on the rope spot, and the finish. Not good, which sucks because this feud is quite entertaining.

Backstage again, we saw that Strowman had hung Zayn but his shoes from a fence. Cool.

Into the cruiserweight division, Ariya Daivari took on Tony Nese for the Cruiserweight Championship. Daivari was playing the classic heel, using every dirty trick in the book to take on Nese. Daivari’s offense was really brutal, such as stomping the crap out of Nese’s face on the apron. Daivari was able to hit the persian splash and the hammerlock lariat, but Nese kicked out! Nese quickly fought back and hit the running nese to win.

Grade: C. Another not great match. Daivari doesn’t have a lot of dynamic offense, and he was in the lead for most of the match. It was really brutal, and I liked that. but it didn’t mesh well with Nese’s fast paced flying. Too bad, because this was the first cruiserweight match on the main pay per view card.

Backstage, Braun was addressed by Trips about attacking Sami. Braun acted like he didn’t know what was happening, but Trips just asked him to leave. Interesting.

They also announced Super Showdown, this year from Saudi Arabia, main evented by UnderTaker vs. Goldberg. Definitely a dream match, but about 20 years too late. Could be fun though. 

Then we had the first of Becky’s matches, Lacey Evans vs. Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Championship. Lacey came out with little money shooters, which was something, but not quite in her character I don’t think. The match started with a dynamic dropkick from Lynch, and she quickly got the advantage with a baseball slide. Evans worked over the arm of Lynch, so that it would make the disarmer much harder. Evans hit one cool looking combination, hitting a forearm, leg sweep and then a slingshot elbow drop for a near fall. The finish was a bit awkward, as Evans got a roleup on Lynch, but the ref didn’t count because he didn’t think the shoulders were down even though they were. But either way, Lynch then reversed it into a disarmer for the submission win.

Grade: B-. They actually looked pretty good together. I wasn’t sure about Evan’s wrestling ability, but she was good here. She isn’t the smoothest wrestler ever, but she certainly could be. She has potential. Lynch was great in this match as well, really selling her anger and acting like an anti hero again. I was happy to see that, and I was happy to see that outcome.

Right after that, as Lynch was trying to leave, Charlotte walked on down and said that the Smackdown Women Championship match was right then. Their match started, and it was wrestled at a much faster pace. The two traded super stiff shots in the middle of the ring, but it wasn’t long before Charlotte went for Lynch’s knee. At one point, Charlotte went for natural selection on the apron, but Becky held on to the ropes, and Charlotte crashed to the floor. As she was getting counted out by the ref, Evans ran down and hit Becky with a woman’s right. Charlotte then ran in, and after a tense rollup from Lynch that was only a near fall, Charlotte nailed a big boot for the win.

Grade: B. They really destroyed each other here. I thought that they beat the crap out of each other, and this wasn’t as one sided as I thought it might be. There was plenty of back and forth action from them, and I thought that the finish, while not something I agreed with, was well done. Good stuff to both ladies.

After the match, Lynch beat the ever living crap out of Evans, until the heels teamed up on Lynch and beat her down. As they were attacking, Bayley ran down with her new briefcase and started to fight off the bad guys. Charlotte nearly stood tall, but Bayley dodged a spear from her and Charlotte went straight into the turnbuckle. Bayley then cashed in, her Money in the Bank contract, and the match was underway.

Bayley nailed Charlotte with an elbow drop and actually won! I am shocked. I didn’t think that they would do the same finish as last year, but alright. I wish that Bayley would have held the briefcase for just a while longer, because I think that tension is what I really love about this stipulation. But I am also okay with Bayley being champion.

Backstage, Roman was walking around, and Elias just murdered him with a guitar to the back. That was a rough shot. Elias came out to ringside, and played on an electric guitar. Of course he got a bunch of heat by shitting on the city. Then he said that he loved none of them. Elias tried to leave, but Reign’s music hit and Roman flew out of the curtain with a superman punch. He rolled Elias into the ring and hit a spear for the win.

Grade: C+. Understand that I am grading this as a segment and not a match. The match was short and one move, but the segment was simple. Heel attacks, cuts a promo being a douche, and then gets beaten up by the guy he attacked. Roman sold that guitar shot for like 8 minutes too, so it makes sense that he was able to come out. That was a cool superman punch too, best I’ve ever seen. But it still robbed us of a match, so I gotta give it a negative grade. Kills me to say it, cuz I really liked this. 

And then we had AJ Styles vs. Seth Rollins for the Universal Championship. The two continuously traded both high impact moves and submissions, and it was going at a fast pace from the start. At one point, Styles went for a piledriver on the apron (very indy), but Rollins flipped out of it, only for Styles to hit a sliding knee anyway. Styles even countered a ripcord knee into a fireman’s slam onto the knee. Rollins hit a vicious frog splash for a near fall. Rollins hit an awesome reverse superplex into a reverse DDT for a near fall. At one point, Styles reversed a stomp into a calf crusher, for a submission sequence that ended in a stiff kick to the face from Rollins. Another point saw Styles counter the curb stomp into a styles clash, but Rollins still kicked out! Rollins fought back into it, and nailed a ripcord knee, superkick followed by a curb stomp for the win.

After the match, Styles was going to walk away, but came back into the ring. And he shook Rollins hand. No heel turn... yet.

Grade: A. Wow, this was a great match. They tore into each other, they went super fast, and they sold their asses off to show that they really are the best two guys in WWE. I think that this feud isn’t over quite yet, but I am okay with waiting a while for them to continue. They are awesome together, and I hope to see this more.

Then the Lucha House Party Came out, and they said that they were gonna have a party! Woo Hoo, Lars Sullivan came out and murdered all of them. He actually headbutt Kalisto so hard that he started bleeding, so I have reason to be worried about Kalisto.

Grade: B+. Monster hits little people. I like that. And this was really violent too, so I really like that. 

Next match was Kofi Kingston vs. Kevin Owens for the WWE Championship. The two came at each other with such anger in their eyes that you’d think they’ve been feuding for years. Early on, Kofi countered an Irish Whip into the stairs by jumping up to the top rope and hitting a double axe handle to the floor. At one point, Owens through Kofi into the post on the apron, and followed it up with a splash to the floor. At another, Kofi hit a brutal standing double stomp on the apron, and it made me wince. At one point, Kofi absolutely destroyed Owens with elbows to the back of the head, but Owens got free and hit a pop up powerbomb for only two. Kofi then hit the trouble in paradise, but the momentum sent him out of the ring. Owens was able to roll back into the ring, and then hit the stunner, but Kofi grabbed the rope. Owens then took Kofi’s shoes off for some reason, and then he went for a swanton, but Owens got the knees up. Kofi then hit the trouble in paradise for the win, even without shoes. 

Grade: B+. Fun match, and I loved the anger from both guys. They really went out there to beat each other down, and that really happened. We saw the old sadistic side of Owens, and that was really awesome. Kofi’s reign hasn’t ended yet, and I am all the happier for it. 

Before the main event, they talked about Super Showdown, and announced two more matches: Triple H vs. Randy Orton and Bobby Lashley vs. Braun Strowman. Two matches that sound pretty boring. Maybe Trips and Orton will be good though.

And finally, the men’s money in the bank ladder match: Baron Corbin, Finn Balor, Ricochet, Andrade, Ali, Drew McIntyre, and Randy Orton. On commentary, Cole talked about how someone attacked Sami Zayn, and Corey talks about how it was definitely Strowman. Saxton said that they didn’t see it, to which Corey replied, “You don’t see the wind but it is there.” This guy is hysterical. They all started brawling early on in classic multi man fashion. Orton literally back body dropped three people onto the announce table. I like to imagine that this was the most extreme spot he could think of in a ladder match. Orton started to climb to the briefcase, but Andrade springboard dropkicked the ladder to stop him. Corbin and McIntyre tried to work together throughout the match, but there were too many flippy people to do that. However, they were able to take out Orton with a massive claymore. At one point, Andrade sunset flip powerbombed Finn Balor off of a ladder, into a ladder suspended between the ladder and the rope. Problem was the when Andrade hit the ladder, it collapsed a bit and landed on a slant, making it a terrible angle when Balor landed. At anther point, Ali nailed Andrade with a spanish fly off the top of a ladder. Ali then got planted through the announce table by Corbin, and the crowd chanted “You still suck.” Corbin then attacked McIntyre on the outside, and then chokeslamed Balor onto the side of a ladder. Ricochet tried to take him out with a suicide dive, but Corbin caught him in a deep six. So, in revenge, McIntyre hit him with a claymore to finally take Corbin down. McIntyre procedded to hit a deadlift vertical suplex onto a prone ladder, which I really didn’t get because he was basically murdered during this match and was definitely not a threat. Ricochet tried to go up to grab the briefcase, but McIntyre pulled him down and just chucked him over the top rope and through a ladder bridged between the ring and announce table. When McIntyre tried to go up, Orton RKO’d him. Ali pulled Corbin off the ladder, and was about to grab the briefcase, but then Brock Lesnar just ran out out of nowhere and grabbed the briefcase for the win. What the fuck?

Grade: A-. So, I don’t know why the hell Lesnar was in the match, and why he was allowed to hide in the back and then come out and win. But the rest of the match was great, so I’ll focus on that, because the finish pissed me right off. The match was full of spots, and it featured a lot of story trops that I enjoy in these huge multi man matches. Corbin and McIntyre were the heel team that split up, Orton was the heel that was super opportunistic, Ricochet and Balor played the babyfaces that get the shit beaten out of them, while Ali was the underdog who felt like he had a chance. Andrade felt a lot like a desperate heel during this match, which was also good. They destroyed themselves and put on a hell of a match, really only a bit better then the ladies. If I could change something, obviously the finish, but also I would’ve switched the rolls of Ricochet and Balor, because Balor looked pretty weak for an Intercontinental Champion. 

Overall Grade: B-

Predictions Record: 6/11

Pros: Women’s MITB; SD women’s Championship; MITB cash-in; Universal Championship; WWE Championship; Sullivan beat down; Men’s MITB; neither Ricochet nor Ali died

Cons: United States Championship; Steel cage; Cruiserweight Championship; Men’s MITB finish; Finn Balor may have died; Zelina Vega lost her last name (pour one out)

[placetobenation]

SmackDown on Fox Episode #13 SmackDown Episode # 1,062 Detroit, MI – Little Caesars Arena 12/27/19

The show opens with Elias in the ring ready to sing us a song and that is exactly what he did as he sings a song that talks about things that happened in 2019  (which included digs at Bayley and Shane McMahon) he is also happy that SmackDown isn’t featuring Bobby Lashley and Lana’s wedding. He closes out the song by telling us what we have to look forward to on this episode of SmackDown.  We then get our usual intro video and after that Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring as seemed like the big number one contender triple threat match would be opening the show, but we all know that would be too good to be true as during his entrance Corbin tells his henchmen to the sedan down because he has something to say. Corbin talks about how Miz and Bryan are terrible fathers and then says he shouldn’t even be in the triple threat and should already be number one contender because he is the only man to defeat Roman Reigns twice. Reigns music hits and this causes the henchmen to drop the sedan out of fear which causes Corbin to crash to the floor. Reigns beat up Corbin around ringside and hit him with the Superman Punch, but Corbin is able to escape through the crowd before Reigns can hit him with a Spear. The referees and agents come out to calm Reigns down and prevent him from going after Corbin. As we go to break the status of the triple threat match is unclear. We come back from break and Corbin is in the back arguing with agent Adam Pearce as Corbin wants the match postponed, but Pearce says that he can’t do that.  We then get ready for our first match of the night by showing what happened last week between New Day, Braun Strowman, and Sami Zayn’s crew. Match #1: The New Day & Braun Strowman vs Cesaro, Shinsuke Nakamura, & Sami Zayn Big E and Cesaro started the match with a lock up and then exchange headlocks until Cesaro shoots Big E into the ropes and Big E comes back with a shoulder block. Big E tags Kingston in and Kingston leapfrogs over Big E and lands on Cesaro with a senton. Cesaro kicks Kingston in the gut and then tags in Nakamura. Kingston hits Nakamura with a jumping back elbow and then clotheslines him to the outside where he looks to hit a dive but Zayn grabs the foot of Kingston as he runs to the ropes. Nakamura runs back in and hits Kingston with a backstabber and then tags in Zayn. Zayn stomps and punches Kingston while taunting Strowman and Big E and then Zayn throws Kingston to the floor. While Zayn has the referee distracted Cesaro hits Kingston with a huge European uppercut that sends both Kingston and Cesaro flying across the announce table. Strowman and Big E check on Kingston as we go to commercial. As we come back from commercial Cesaro has control of Kingston but that ends quickly when Kingston springs out of the corner with a dropkick. Cesaro tags in Nakamura who prevents Kingston from making the tag. Nakamura makes a tag to Cesaro who comes off the top with an ax handle to the back of Kingston. Cesaro gets a 2 count off a gutwrench suplex and then locks Kingston in a chin lock. Kingston gets to his feet and hits Cesaro with a chin breaker and then attempts to make a tag but Cesaro catches him and hits him with another hellacious uppercut that only gets a 2 count. We get another tag on the heel side as Nakamura comes in and hits Kingston with a front suplex and then drives his knees into Kingston. Nakamura then grounds Kingston with a rest hold. Kingston gets to his feet and tries to reach over and make a tag but Nakamura puts him in an abdominal stretch and proceeds to mock Big E by spanking Kingston to the New Day Rocks beat, this brings Big E into the ring momentarily but as Big E turns around Nakamura attacks him from behind and sends him to the floor.  Kingston catches Nakamura with the SOS and this gives Kingston the opportunity to make a tag to Strowman but Cesaro is tagged in and he runs right over the body of Kingston. Cesaro tries to knock Strowman off the apron but Strowman grabs his arm until Zayn comes over and distracts Strowman, Strowman starts to stalk Zayn but that is put to an end when Cesaro hits him with a wrecking ball dropkick. Cesaro gets back in the ring to deal with Kingston but gets backdropped but there is nobody for Kingston to tag. Nakamura hits Kingston from behind and then Cesaro hits Kingston with a running European uppercut in the corner and after that Nakamura hits the sliding German suplex which gets a 2 count as Big E comes in and breaks the pin. Big E sends Cesaro to the outside but is caught with a spinning wheel kick from Nakamura. Nakamura looks to hit Kingston with the Kinshasa but Kingston is able to counter it with a mushroom stomp. Kingston finally makes a hot tag to Strowman and as he does Zayn jumps off the apron so that Nakamura can’t tag him in. Strowman hits both Nakamura and Cesaro with shoulder blocks and then hits Nakamura with an avalanche in the corner. It’s time for the Strowman express as he goes out and runs around the ring hitting both Cesaro and Nakamura but when it comes time to hit Zayn he runs away so Strowman chases him around the ring and runs right into a big kick from Nakamura who jumped off the steps. Nakamura is able to get Strowman into the ring and looks to hit him with the Kinshasa but Strowman explodes out of the corner with a big lariat. Strowman gets Nakamura in position for the Powerslam, but Cesaro saves him and then hits Strowman with a springboard uppercut. Big E pulls Cesaro out of the ring and sends him over the barricade. Zayn slides Nakamura the plate that the pancakes were on, but before he can use it Kingston is able to grab it and hit Nakamura with it as the referee is distracted by Zayn and this allows Strowman to hit the Powerslam on Nakamura to get the win. Winners: New Day & Braun Strowman via Pinfall   Match Rating: **3/4 After the match, New Day gets Strowman to dance.  This was a fun match that had a really long heel control segment as it felt like Kingston was never going to make that tag, but that just made the moment when he did make the tag mean that much more. The European uppercuts in this match were awesome, especially the one over the announce table. I think Zayn did a really good job of being the chicken shit heel manager who is in the match but is never touched. This was the first match Zayn has had on TV since August when he was defeated by Cedric Alexander in the first round of the King of the Ring tournament.  As we go to break Kayla Braxton is seen talking to Adam Pearce about the status of the triple threat match as there will be an update after the commercial. When we come back we are told that Corbin has refused to compete, however instead of postponing the match it has now been turned into a one on one match between Daniel Bryan and The Miz. Sonya is in the back signing programs when Mandy walks up and asks Sonya to be in her corner tonight, but Sonya hesitates and reminds Mandy that she was nowhere to be seen last week. Sonya eventually agrees and says she will be right out there as soon as she delivers the programs she had been signing. Otis walks up and has a fruitcake that he says was made by his mama and he gives the cake to Mandy.  As we go to break Carmella is making her way to the ring.  Match #2: Carmella vs Mandy Rose They lock up and Mandy knees Mella in the mid-section before driving her back to the corner where she delivers a couple of shoulder attacks to the mid-section. Mandy charges at Mella but Mella is able to avoid her and then does a moonwalk. Mandy elbows out of a rear waist lock and then tackles Mella to the mat and starts hitting her from a mounted position. Mandy sends Mella hard into the corner and when Mella bounces out of the corner Mandy hits her with a dropkick and the bicycle knee for a 2 count. Mandy grounds Mella with a straight jacket hold and when Mella finally gets to her feet Mandy slams her right back down. Mandy toys around with Mella and talks trash to her until Carmella fires back with a big smack to the face which leads to Mandy delivering a smack of her own. Mella keeps preventing Mandy from attacking her in the corner and then Mella takes Mandy down with a hurricanrana out of the corner. Mella walks over to grab Mandy out of the corner but Mandy sends Mella into the middle turnbuckle face-first. Mandy and Mella exchange pinning combinations but none of them are able to get either woman the win. Mandy tries for an O’Connor roll but Mella holds onto the rope and then hits Mandy with a superkick out of nowhere to get the win. 

Winner: Carmella via Pinfall  Match Rating: **¼

This was a good match and was much better than you would expect if you saw on paper that Mandy and Carmella were going to have a match against each other. Not exactly sure where Carmella beating both members of Fire & Desire goes other than building Carmella up to make fans think she has a chance in the women’s rumble match. It feels like there are two different stories going on with Mandy as we have this one with Carmella which also involves Sonya not being happy with her (which is a story they seem to go to every few months and it never goes anywhere) and she also has the story going with Otis and there is no telling where that story may go. One thing I will criticize about the match is the fact that Mandy is still doing the whole thing where she yells that her opponent isn’t as good looking as her, I feel that since she is edging toward being a babyface that she doesn’t need to do that anymore, I mean I have never liked that part of her character but even more so now because that is definitely not something a babyface says. We are told the Daniel Bryan vs Miz match will be coming up next after the break. As we come back we get another Sheamus vignette  Match #3: Daniel Bryan vs The Miz (WWE Universal Championship #1 Contender Match) Bryan and Miz lock up and exchange headlocks and waist locks until Bryan shoots Miz off into the ropes and Miz comes back with a shoulder block taking Bryan down. We get a test of strength which Bryan gets the best of as he uses it to get control of Miz’s arm and works it over until Miz hits him with a back elbow. We get a drop-down and leapfrog spot that ends with Bryan landing a big kick to Miz’s chest. Bryan goes back to work on Miz’s arm until he gets him in the corner where he delivers a series of kicks, Bryan then looks to hit the corner dropkick but is backdropped to the apron and then Miz slides under Bryan’s legs and pulls him to the floor. Miz sends Bryan chest first into the barricade and then throws him back into the ring where he tries for a big roundhouse kick but Bryan ducks and dropkicks the knee of The Miz. Miz ducks a running kick from Bryan and we then get a double down as both men try to crossbody each other.  At this point, four of Corbin’s henchmen enter the ring and attack both men leading to a double DQ. MIz and Bryan fight off the henchmen. Winner: N/A via Double DQ    Match Rating: **½ This was turning into a really good match, but because they wanted to run this stupid show long angle where Corbin was back and forth on whether he wanted to be in the match or not the match had to come to an abrupt end which sucked. If you are one of very few that are enjoying this lovely story of who will become the number one contender then stay tuned because we aren’t done with this story just yet as there is more to come later in the show. We cut to the back where Kayla is interviewing Corbin about what just happened, Corbin says that he refused to compete because Reigns was making SmackDown an unsafe working environment, but now that he knows that Reigns has left the building he is willing to compete. Bryan and Miz show up and beat up more of Corbin’s henchmen before chasing after Corbin as we go to break. When we come back from break we are told by the announcers that the triple threat match is back on for tonight.  There are no words to explain how dumb it is that we had to go through all this crap only to end up back where we started, it would’ve been nice if instead of having a match that ends in a double DQ for absolutely no reason we actually had a match that involved people who could benefit from having some time on the show.   It is now time for A Moment of Bliss hosted by Alexa Bliss who is joined by her BFF Nikki Cross. Alexa and Nikki toast with their coffees and then Alexa allows Nikki to introduce the guest for the evening, which is the “Sassy Southern Belle” Lacey Evans. We are shown footage of what happened last week between Lacey and Sasha. Lacey says that Sasha crossed a line last week when she messed with her daughter, Lacey said one Sasha did that she entered Mama Bear mode and there is nothing she wouldn’t do to protect her baby cub and furthermore had she not been pulled off Sasha last week there was a good chance that Sasha wouldn’t have been able to walk out on her own. Lacey says she knows how these talk shows end and she doesn’t want to be hit from behind so she is going to the ring for her tag match that is coming up next.  Lacey enters the ring but when Dana’s music hits nobody comes out for a few seconds before we see that Bayley and Sasha have Dana and are dragging her out by her hair, this leads to Lacey coming to help Dana as a brawl breaks out on the stage as we go to commercial. 

Match #4: Lacey Evans & Dana Brooke vs Bayley & Sasha Banks We come back from the commercial right as the bell rings and Lacey goes straight for Sasha who is on the apron but Bayley attacks her from behind. Bayley beats down Lacey and sends her into the corner, but Lacey comes out of the corner with a clothesline and then tags in Dana. Dana hits the handspring elbow and then hits a cartwheel splash for a 2 count. Dana fires away with punches to Bayley only to be driven back into the corner where Sasha gets tagged in. Sasha stomps a mudhole in Dana and then delivers a series of shoulder attacks in the corner. Sasha sets Dana up on the top but Dana is able to fight back and hits a tornado style suplex out of the corner for 2. Sasha ducks a clothesline and slams Dana to the mat by her hair. Sasha walks over and slaps Lacey which fires her up and she gets into the ring which allows Sasha and Bayley to double team Dana in the corner while the referee tries to get Lacey to go back on the apron. Sasha and Bayley crisscross the arms of Dana and slam her back into the corner and this gets a 2 count.  Dana fights her way out of a chin lock and then tries to make a tag, but is taken down with a clothesline from Bayley. Sasha tags in and hits a Meteora on Dana that gets 2 count. Dana finally makes a comeback as she knocks Bayley off the apron and then hits Sasha with an enziguri. Dana finally makes the hot tag as Sasha makes the tag on her end as well, Lacey. Lacey hits a couple of clotheslines and a swinging neckbreaker on Bayley. Lacey then takes Sasha down on the outside with a baseball slide. Lacey sweeps the leg of Bayley and then hits her with the slingshot elbow drop. Lacey hits a rope-assisted bronco buster followed by a moonsault, but that only gets a 2 count when Sasha breaks the pin. Lacey chases Sasha around the ring and when Lacey comes back into the ring she is caught by Bayley who hits her with a Bayley to belly suplex for a 2 count as this time Dana breaks up the pin.   Sasha sends Dana out of the ring, Bayley and Sasha attempt a double suplex on Lacey but she lands on her feet which allows Dana to make a blind tag. Lacey hits Bayley with the Woman’s Right only to be thrown shoulder first into the ring post by Sasha. Dana runs in and tries for a school-girl but Sasha turns it into a Bank Statement which leads Dana no choice but to tap out. Winners: Sasha Banks & Bayley via Submission   Match Rating: **¼  I wonder if I would have gotten on the Lacey Evans bandwagon a lot sooner if they had made her a babyface from the start because I am loving everything about her now. I thought the promo she cut during A Moment of Bliss was really good as the material was based on a subject in which everyone can relate to as either you’re a parent of a child you want to protect at all costs or you don’t have kids but know that your parents would’ve done everything in their being to make sure you were safe. I also liked that Lacey was smart enough to realize how talk show segments in WWE end and she wasn’t going to be the dumb babyface that let herself get attacked from behind. The match was good as well but nothing to really note about it.  We cut to the back where Mandy is tasting the cake’s frosting when Dolph Ziggler walks up and starts flirting with Mandy. Ziggler thanks the cake is for him but Mandy tells him that Otis’s mom made it and Otis gave it to her, this leads to Ziggler telling her that Otis gives these to everyone in the locker room and that he heard that they have been known to have roaches in them. Ziggler sets the cake on the ground and smashes it and tells her that a guy like Otis wouldn’t know what a woman like Mandy really wants.  Corbin runs up and says that he wants Ziggler’s help and then Ziggler walks off as Mandy looks at the cake that just got smashed.  We get a promo from Mustafa Ali where he talks about how he didn’t have the best 2019, but he still chooses to stand in the light and in 2020 he is going to continue to fight for change as he looks to win gold.  It would’ve been nice if we could’ve got an actual match tonight featuring Ali as that would’ve been much better than the story of the number one contender.  We go backstage where Otis walks up and sees the cake smashed all in the floor, Otis, picks up the plate and sadly looks at it.  This story with Mandy and Otis is probably my second favorite thing happening on SmackDown right now (behind the women’s title picture) and I think the reason for that is because I see myself in Otis. The segment tonight with Ziggler smashing the cake and then Otis finding it and thinking that Mandy was the one that smashed it really made me want to see Otis get his hands on Ziggler. I now look forward to seeing how the story between Mandy and Otis progresses each week and while I may be doing other things while SmackDown is on I will be sure to stop and pay attention to these segments.  It’s finally time for the main event that was off and on the entire night. We go straight to the match as all three men are already in the ring. Match #5: The Miz vs Daniel Bryan vs King Corbin (WWE Universal Championship #1 Contender Match) Miz and Bryan team up on Corbin as they lean him against the ropes and lay into him with chops and kicks and then send him into the ropes but Corbin slides out of the ring. Miz tries to get a quick win with a schoolboy but Bryan kicks out. Miz and Bryan then start arguing and shoving each other. Miz and Bryan trade punches until Miz sends Bryan into the corner where Bryan flips over Miz and then runs off the ropes and dives to the outside where he hits Corbin with a tope suicida. Miz tries to hit Bryan with a wrecking ball dropkick, but Bryan sidesteps him and sends Miz into the ring post. Bryan comes off the apron with a diving knee attack that sends Miz into the barricade and then Corbin sends Bryan over the barricade and into the timekeeper section. Corbin sends Miz into the barricade and then rolls him back into the ring where he levels Miz with a forearm.  Miz tries to make a comeback but it is short-lived as Corbin sends him shoulder-first into the ring post. Corbin slides out of the ring and lays Bryan out with a clothesline and then hits Miz with the chokeslam backbreaker. Corbin throws Bryan back into the ring and mocks the Yes! Chant. Bryan tries to make a comeback but is taken down again with a back elbow. Corbin picks Bryan up and goes for a back suplex but Bryan lands on his feet and then boots a charging Corbin in the face and then Miz hits Corbin with his backbreaker and neckbreaker combo move. Bryan hits Corbin with several kicks in the corner and then hits Corbin with the corner dropkick with Miz right behind him hitting Corbin with the corner clothesline. They try this again and Corbin backdrops Bryan to the apron and then hits Miz with the Deep Six. Bryan comes off the top with a missile dropkick and now all three men are down as we go to commercial. We come back from commercial and see Bryan and Miz exchanging pinfall attempts before they just start firing away at each other with punches. Miz hits an incoming Corbin with a big boot and then both Miz and Bryan are able to avoid kicks to each other and then Miz hits the kneeling snap DDT. Miz fights Corbin off with some kicks and then ties his leg up in the corner and starts kicking Corbin in the hamstring. Miz locks Corbin in the figure-four when Bryan comes off the top with a diving headbutt and then pins Corbin while he is still in the figure-four but he is able to get his shoulders up. Bryan rolls Corbin over to lock in the Yes Lock and this causes the pressure to be reversed in Miz’s figure-four. Miz finally frees himself and breaks up the Yes Lock and all three men are down. Miz and Bryan exchange chops momentarily and then Miz fires up and starts punching Bryan sending him out of the ring and then turns around and starts doing the same to Corbin. Miz tries for the Skull Crushing Finale but Corbin throws him off and hits Miz with the End of Days which leads to Bryan breaking up a pinfall attempt. Corbin grabs Bryan by the throat and throws him into the corner and then Corbin tries to hit Bryan with End of Days, but Bryan flips out of it and hits Corbin with the running knee. As Bryan crawls over to make the cover he is hit with a superkick by an interfering Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler rolls Corbin on top of Bryan but he only gets a 2 count as Roman Reigns pulls Corbin out of the ring. Reigns sends Corbin into the ring post and then hits a Superman Punch on Ziggler. Reigns clotheslines Corbin over the barricade as we go to commercial.  As we come back from break Miz has Bryan in the corner working over his leg and then Miz hits Bryan with the corner clothesline. Miz goes up top but Bryan cuts him off and hits Miz with a spider style superplex, Bryan pulls himself back up to the top but gets crotched by Miz. Miz goes back up top with Bryan and hits a sweet looking shin breaker off the top rope. Bryan is writhing around in pain but won’t quit. Miz hits the It Kicks on Bryan, but when he goes for the big roundhouse kick Bryan catches his leg and slaps Miz in the face which sends Miz crumbling to his knees which allows Bryan to hit the Yes! Kicks although at this point his leg is shot, this time Miz catches Bryan’s leg and hits a legbreaker across his knees. Miz picks Bryan up by the leg and slams his leg down to the mat and then hits a DDT on Bryan’s leg. 

Miz sets Bryan up for the figure-four but Bryan kicks him off and sends Miz out to the apron. Miz springboards with an attempted ax handle but Bryan catches him in the Danielson special. Miz rolls toward Bryan to try and break the armbar, but Bryan tries transitioning into the Yes! Lock, but Miz keeps blocking him and then bites the hand of Bryan. Miz rolls back trying to get a pinfall on Bryan, but Bryan kicks out and then finally connects with the roundhouse kick. Bryan slaps the knee to get some feeling into it and then with the entire crowd behind him Bryan goes for the running knee, but Miz avoids it and hits the Skull Crushing Finale and then he goes for a pin where he still has hold of Bryan’s leg so that if Bryan kicks out he can easily transition into the figure-four and that is exactly what happened. Bryan tries to pull apart Miz’s legs to break the hold but this leads to Miz and Bryan trading shots and this leads to the hold eventually being broken and Bryan takes this opportunity to lock Miz in the Rings of Saturn, but Miz won’t quit so Bryan smoothly transitions into the Yes Lock which is finally enough to get Miz to tap out. Winner: Daniel Bryan via Submission   Match Rating: ****

After the match, Wyatt shows up on the tron and congratulates Bryan and says that they are gonna have so much fun. Wyatt asks Bryan if he is willing to do whatever it takes to let him in. The show ends with Bryan and the crowd loudly chanting Yes! Yes! Yes!

I don’t know why we had to go through all the unnecessary convoluted bull shit throughout the show involving this match that ended up doing nothing to help anybody in it, but once we finally got to the match I absolutely loved it. Corbin did a really good job in the match as the asshole heel that you love to see the babyfaces double team. I will say that Roman Reigns got a nice pop when he finally showed up to take out Corbin and Ziggler to the point where I don’t think fans would be as upset if Reigns won the title at Mania next year, WWE has done a good job since Reigns’s return of making sure he is featured on the show, but at the same time, they are not treating him like he is the second coming of Christ. 

As good as the match was as a triple threat it reached a whole new level once it was just Bryan and Miz. I think this was Miz’s best in-ring performance of the year and it may be the best match Miz and Bryan have had against each other. I thought Miz did a great job of working over the leg of Bryan especially when he hit that top rope shin breaker which I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen before. On the flipside, Bryan did a good job of selling the injured leg, especially when it came to hitting the Yes Kicks. I don’t know if this is the story they were trying to tell for one part of this match but here is what I got from it, so back before Miz had respect for Bryan he would’ve pinned Bryan like he would anyone else after hitting the Skull Crushing Finale, however now that he has respect for Bryan he is able to realize that Bryan is a tough mofo and he may very well kick out of the SKF, so he pinned him in a way where he still had control of the hurt leg and could easily and quickly transition into the figure-four. I thought that was a nice bit of storytelling, whether it was intentional or not. I have absolutely no complaints about this main event. I’m interested to see how this revived American Dragon version of Daniel Bryan does against The Fiend, however, I don’t look forward to watching the match under the red light of death.  If you take out the convoluted episode long story that was completely unnecessary, I think this was a really good episode of SmackDown as we had Lacey shining in a promo during A Moment of Bliss, the continuation of the Otis and Mandy story, a better than expected Mandy vs Carmella match, and it was capped off with a fantastic main event match, had they used the time they took on the unneeded main event story and put it on having another match featuring someone like Ali then this would be a perfect show in my eyes, but it’s WWE and very rarely do you get perfect shows so you just have to take a cup half full approach to it and be happy that we got a show that was as good as tonight’s show.  That’s all for this week but I’ll be back next week for the first SmackDown episode of the 2020s. 

[placetobenation]

SmackDown on Fox Episode #7 SmackDown Episode # 1,056 Philadelphia, PA – Wells Fargo Center 11/15/19 The show opens with a video package covering everything that happened last week between King Corbin and Roman Reigns including the terrible promo that opened last week’s show.  Just like last week, we get the show starting out with yet another King Corbin promo, except this time he is carried to the ring on a Sedan and is joined by the two men who assisted him last week Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode. Corbin once again talks trash about Roman Reigns and says that he is the new captain of Team SmackDown. Ziggler and Roode talk about how Ali and Shorty G are weak links to the team and that they only got on the team in the first place because they had been hanging around Roman Reigns lately, they will beat Ali and Shorty G tonight and take their place on Team SmackDown. King Corbin invites Reigns to ringside which leads to a guy in a bulldog mascot uniform coming out to the ring. I hated that we got yet another boring promo from Corbin to start the show with the same shitty material as last week except for this week he has Roode, Ziggler, & a bulldog mascot that served zero purposes by his side. At least have it be Reigns inside the costume or let the mascot take a bump, then at least it would serve some purpose for why it is there. Why was the mascot a bulldog instead of a chihuahua since that is what Corbin accused Reigns of sounding like last week? I feel like this feud could make me regret wanting to review SmackDown every week, but don’t worry as I will continue to review the show no matter how bad it gets. We go to commercial and when we come back it’s time for our first match. Match #1: Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode w/ King Corbin vs Shorty G & Mustafa Ali (If Roode & Ziggler win they take Ali & Shorty G’s place on Team SmackDown at Survivor Series) Shorty G and Roode start the match with Roode getting control early on until Shorty works his way out of a wrist lock and takes Roode down with a drop toe hold. Shorty hits a couple of arm drags before Roode decks him with a right and tags in Ziggler. Ziggler tries for a neck breaker but Shorty counters and hits an arm drag on Ziggler before tagging in Ali. Ali works over the arm of Ziggler momentarily until Ziggler gets into the ropes and kicks Ali. Ali hits a hurricanrana on Ziggler and follows up with the rolling X-Factor for a 2 count. Ziggler is able to make the tag to Roode and works over Ali in the corner for a while and just as it looks like Ali is going to make a comeback, he is distracted by Corbin at ringside which allows Roode to knock Ali off the apron, sending him flying into the announce table. Corbin celebrates at ringside but the celebration is soon interrupted as Roman Reigns makes his way down to ringside to even the odds as we go to commercial. Back from the break and we see Corbin and Reigns mouthing off to each other at ringside while Roode and Ziggler are trying to double team Ali but he fights them off momentarily, just when it looks like Ali is going to make the tag Ziggler runs back in and hits a fameasser on Ali for a 2 count. Ziggler signals for the superkick but instead he eats one of his own courtesy of Ali. Both Ziggler and Ali make hot tags and Shorty is cleaning house as he hits a running capo kick in the corner followed by a neck breaker. Shorty hits Roode with a moonsault for a 2 count and then tries for the Chaos Theory, but Roode holds onto the ropes and Ziggler makes a blind tag. Roode and Ziggler hit their spinebuster and Zig Zag combo that gets a 2 count when Ali breaks it up at the very last second. Ziggler hits a superkick on Ali knocking him off the apron and then tries to hit one on Shorty but Shorty catches his leg and puts him in the ankle lock only for Roode to break it moments later.  Roode signals to Corbin to hand him the scepter but as he does Reigns hits Corbin with a Drive-By. Roode sends Reigns into the announce table and then turns around to get hit with a tope suicida from Ali and then Reigns hits a Spear on Corbin. Ziggler tries to roll-up Shorty but he kicks out and then Shorty hits the Chaos Theory followed by a 450 from Ali (who made a blind tag) to get the win.  Winners: Shorty G & Mustafa Ali via Pinfall   Match Rating: **¾  This match was better on my second watch (yes I watch twice in order to properly review the show) than it was when I first watched it. Corey got in a funny line about Shorty G vanquishing the Monstars and falling in love with Lola Bunny since he looks like a basketball player. There is an edition of Firefly Funhouse where Bray turns the Universal Championship from red to blue so everyone knows that it is now a SmackDown championship. Braun Strowman comes to the ring and is set to face the trio of Drew Gulak and the B-Team, but before it starts Gulak tries to show Strowman a slideshow of why he would be better for Team SmackDown than Strowman would. Strowman destroys the B-Team as Gulak escapes unharmed.  If I hadn’t been told already I would have no idea that Braun Strowman was part of Team SmackDown as he didn’t have any involvement with any of his teammates, although that’s probably best as we don’t need Strowman dragged into this horrible feud between Corbin and Reigns.  Daniel Bryan is walking backstage before he is stopped by Sami Zayn and Shinsuke Nakamura, once again Zayn tries to get Bryan to join them, but Bryan flat out denies Zayn’s attempts this time. Bryan suggests that Zayn try to recruit Braun Strowman which causes Zayn to run down Strowman only to find out he is standing behind him the entire time.  Match #2: The New Day © vs The Revival (SmackDown Tag Team Championships) Kingston and Wilder start the match going toe to toe until Kingston goes for a jumping back elbow only to be caught by Wilder who sends him off to Dawson who suplexes Kingston across the top rope for a 2 count and then Dawson hits a northern lights suplex for another 2 count. Dawson sets Kingston up on the top rope looking for a superplex but Kingston fights him off sending Dawson down to the mat and then hitting him with a missile dropkick. Kingston tries to make the hot tag to Big E but is cut off by Wilder who hits him with a power slam for a 2 count as we go to commercial.  As we come back from break Kingston hits Wilder with a belly to back suplex but yet again The Revival with their excellent teamwork cut the ring off so Kingston can’t make the tag. Dawson hits a neck breaker and goes for a top rope elbow but Kingston moves and this finally allows Kingston to make the hot tag to Big E. Big E hits a couple of overhead belly to belly suplexes followed by a side belly to belly suplex. Big E grinds them hips and goes for the big splash but Wilder gets his knees up. Wilder makes the tag to Dawson who runs into a uranage out of the corner for 2. Dawson tags Wilder back in and he hits a tornado DDT on Big E for 2. Wilder shows off his strength by picking up Big E on his shoulders, but Big E slides out the back and we get a double down with Wilder and Big E. Big E makes the tag and Kingston hits Dawson with a dropkick off the top and then dives out onto The Revival with the trust fall. New Day looks for the Midnight Hour but Wilder stops that from happening as he hits Kingston in mid-air. Dawson hits Big E with the Arn Anderson style DDT for a 2 count. The Revival looks to hit the double draping DDT which they learned from Orton but Big E backdrops them to the floor. Big E launches Kingston from inside the ring onto The Revival at ringside, but they catch Kingston and send him into the ring post and then they hit a double back suplex on Big E onto the announce table which they also learned from Randy Orton. The Revival gets Big E back into the ring and hit the Shatter Machine only for Kingston to fly into the ring out of nowhere to break up a pin attempt. All four men are down when The Undisputed Era show up and attack both teams. Winners: No Contest   Match Rating: ***½  Fish and O’Reilly give Wilder the high and low while Cole and Strong hit a superkick and jumping knee combo on Big E. Dawson then gets hit with the high and low which sends members of the SmackDown locker room out to make the save and chase off the Undisputed Era. As great as last week’s match was between these two teams this one was even better and they were given two additional minutes that they didn’t get last week. I would like to see these two teams get a PPV match that lasts 12-15 minutes and let them tear the house down. It was a bummer we didn’t get a clean winner but it makes sense to keep both teams hot while also pushing the NXT invasion storyline at the same time. I still have to wonder what Adam Cole is doing at Survivor Series since the other members of Undisputed Era have matches already, I’m guessing he will be the team captain for the NXT men’s team. Match #3: Heavy Machinery vs Kevin Tibbs & Kip Stevens Otis throws Stevens across the ring which leads to him tagging in Kevin Tibbs, Tibbs tries for a sunset flip and Stevens tries for a crossbody but Otis catches Stevens and slams him onto Tibbs. Otis tags in Tucker and they hit simultaneous stalling vertical suplexes. The jobbers try for a double clothesline on Tucker but he breaks through and takes them both down with a running crossbody. Tucker clotheslines Stevens out of his boots and then smashes Tibbs in the corner with an avalanche. Tucker tags in Otis who hits a Caterpillar on Tibbs and then they hit the Compactor on Stevens to pick up an easy win.  Winners: Heavy Machinery via Pinfall   Match Rating: ¼* Nothing here to talk about except for Corey taking a shot at Billy Gunn by asking Cole if he had ever met a tough guy named Kip which is Gunn’s shoot name. Sasha Banks and the SmackDown Women’s Champion Bayley are interviewed by Kayla Braxton. Kayla asks Bayley about her attacks on Becky Lynch and Shayna Baszler earlier this week, Bayley says that Becky and Shayna will never think of her as an afterthought again, every time she gets in the ring it’s personal because it’s all about her and that beating people brings her joy so it’s going to make her happy to crush Nikki Cross’s dreams. Sasha follows up by saying that Nikki doesn’t deserve to be on Team SmackDown because both Bayley and Sasha have beat her over the last few weeks. Bayley says that maybe she will join Team SmackDown and the two of them can beat Team Raw and Team NXT.  Last week I said that I am enjoying heel Bayley but in addition to it being a great change of character and showing off a different side of her, it has also somehow made her a lot more hachi machi I guess it has something to do with the bad girl/bad guy always being more attractive than the good girl/good guy also the fact they are letting her wear street clothes may have something to do with it as well.  It is announced that next week we are getting a six-man tag match featuring Roman Reigns, Shorty G, & Mustafa Ali going against the team of King Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, & Robert Roode. Bayley and Nikki Cross are having their scheduled match against each other but it doesn’t last long before Bayley spots Shayna Baszler and tries to escape through the crowd, but when she does other members of the women’s NXT locker room come up behind her and Rhea Ripley slams Bayley on the floor. Sasha attacks Shayna from behind and this leads to a brawl between the SmackDown and NXT women’s rosters. Shayna and Bayley fight to the back and Tamina, Sonya Deville, & Mandy Rose follow them leaving eight women to compete in the next match. Match #4: Team SmackDown (Sasha Banks, Carmella, Dana Brooke, & Nikki Cross) vs Team NXT (Rhea Ripley, Mia Yim, Tegan Nox, & Dakota Kai) Nikki and Dakota start things off with Dakota beating down Nikki until Nikki comes back with a running crossbody. Dakota tags in Mia who enters the ring and gets arm dragged by Nikki, Nikki hollers for Carmella to make the tag. Carmella and Mia trade wrist locks before Mia takes control by hitting a big chop to the chest of Carmella. Carmella dodges a Yakuza kick in the corner by Mia and then shows off by moonwalking across the ring, Mia and Carmella trade kick attempts before Carmella successfully connects with a kick to the gut. Carmella is building momentum as she kicks Tegan off the apron while holding Mia in a front face lock until Mia slams her to the mat to break that momentum. Mia tags in Tegan who stomps a mudhole in Carmella before tagging Dakota back in, Dakota sweeps the leg of Carmella and then whips Tegan in her direction so she can hit Carmella with the inverted cannonball. Tegan goes for the cover but forgets that she had tagged in Dakota and is no longer the legal woman, this allows Carmella to have enough time to kick out at 2. Tegan is working over Carmella as Mia talks trash to her with a smile on her face. Carmella is finally able to make the hot tag to Sasha who goes for the running Meteora but Tegan counters it into a roll-up for 2. Rhea gets tagged in and we get a staredown between Rhea and Sasha before Sash slaps Rhea and then tries for a tornado DDT, but Rhea blocks it and powers Sasha up so she can hit a vertical suplex on The Boss. We get a sequence where Rhea and Sash keep countering each other until Sasha is able to lock in the Bank Statement but Rhea rolls through and then both women knock some of their opposing team members off the apron. This brings all eight women into the ring as we go to commercial. Back from commercial and it’s Rhea and Nikki in the ring. Rhea kicks Sasha off the apron and then Nikki comes off the middle rope with a crossbody and returns the favor as she knocks Rhea’s teammates off the apron. Nikki hits an avalanche on Rhea in the corner and as she does Dakota is back on the apron to make a blind tag. Nikki hits a belly to back suplex on Dakota and goes for the pin which gets broken up by Tegan who hits Nikki with the Shiniest Wizard, this leads to a sequence where all the women hit their finishers. Dakota hits Nikki with a Scorpion kick and then tries for a suplex, but Nikki blocks it and hits The Purge out of nowhere to get the win for Team SmackDown. Winners: Team SmackDown via Pinfall  Match Rating: *** After the match all the women start brawling again as Team SmackDown send Team NXT retreating back through the crowd.  From the Bayley and Sasha interview all the way to the NXT women leaving through the crowd I loved everything about these three segments involving the women. There were so many talented women that were involved here (except Tamina) and it just shows how much depth there is to the women’s roster that stands underneath the WWE umbrella and this didn’t even include all the women down in NXT or any of the women from Raw. The fact that they have that many talented women in their company and they can’t give them and their fans just one night every year dedicated solely to them is such a damn shame and a great injustice to all the hard work they put in all year. I can’t wait for the two women’s matches at Survivor Series as the 15 woman tag should be a lot of fun and the triple threat has a chance to steal the show. Rhea would later state on Twitter that the she and the women on her WarGames match came to SmackDown to get retribution on Bayley for stepping into their home and not to help out Shayna.

It’s now time for Miz TV with his guest Daniel Bryan. The Miz asks Bryan about being attacked by The Fiend and talks about how Daniel Bryan isn’t the same person that he was a decade ago, Miz questions which Daniel Bryan we are currently getting. Bryan lets Miz know that Miz TV sucks and it always has, he admits that he isn’t the same person he used to be. The Miz goes to interrupt Bryan but is quickly shouted down and told to shut up, Bryan goes on to say that he has become mentally unstable over the years and his passion for the business has caused his mental instability. Bryan says that nobody knows what it’s like to have the combination of passion and instability that he has except for one person and that one person is Bray Wyatt because Bray is just as mentally unstable as he is.  Bray pops up on the screen and says that the reason The Fiend attacked Bryan last week could be because he wanted to scare him or maybe he just wanted to play, this would lead to Bray pulling the Universal Championship out of a toy box. Bray then says that if Daniel wants to play he just has to say that one very special word which is Yes, but Bryan says No and this leads to a back and forth between the Firefly Funhouse puppets (and the crowd) chanting Yes while Bryan continued to say No. The segment ends with Bray repeatedly saying Yes with him getting more boisterous each time. The show ends very awkwardly as Miz is just standing in the ring while Bryan walks to the back.  This was a good segment to close the show with as the promo by Bryan was really great. I liked how he talked about Bray Wyatt being the only one who can understand what he is going through although they are mentally unstable for two completely different reasons as Bray is just wired that way whereas Bryan’s intense and non-stop passion for the business has made him that way over time. I also liked how Bray was going to force Bryan to say the one word that he has refused to say since last year, however the part that started to drag the segment down was when we got to the back and forth between the Funhouse puppets and Bryan as well as Bray repeatedly saying Yes as that lasted a bit longer than it needed to be. While I think the match between these two will be interesting (it will be even better if they decide to remove the red lighting during the matches) the winner is pretty much guaranteed to be Bray as he isn’t going to lose the title this soon, also Bryan still has his story going with Zayn and Nakamura so most likely they will cost Bryan the match. This was a much better SmackDown than last week as other than the stuff with Roman Reigns and King Corbin the rest of the show was really solid as we saw three good tag matches and some great buildup to Survivor Series, especially when it came to the women as all of their interactions were the highlight of the show. That’s it for this week, next week will be the SmackDown go-home show for Survivor Series so I expect the annual locker room brawl to close the show and don’t forget about the “big” six-man tag match scheduled for next week. Also, check out this fantasy booking I created for this year’s Survivor Series: http://bigelow34.proboards.com/thread/15213/fantasy-booking-survivor-series-2019?page=1&scrollTo=78945