#Haven't really gone into this one too much tbh

[riddlemethisjeremy]

All of these stories take place on Effpedelia, a continent connected to earth through a wormhole that coalesced from the weight of the human imagination. Upon Effedelia, you can find every story humanity has ever told

A Game Of Kings: This story takes place in the "Feywildes", along the Elvish side of the continent. Jaylinn, a young Aelvish noble who grew up on the streets of Lux Portem, has to infiltrate the Aelvish court and stop the devastating war between the Aelvish and their Freiralf brethren. Now is the time to strike, as the crown of the kingdom has recently changed hands, and to one that some might still call a child at that! The mission is simple and straightforward enough, but Jaylinn makes one fatal mistake: They get attached.

This Is Home: Finnick Moreno has lived with his best friend, Tristin Quemadura, since he was Chosen by Tristin's step parent, Kip, and by extension, his clan. The two haven't spent a moment apart. So when Tristin gets accepted into the Borellian School of Mystical Arts, Finnick fights his way in as a part of the "Consortio Ferrum", Brotherhood of Steel. College takes quite a different turn when your students have the power to end the world.

The Blinding Lights: Fenelle is a Shifter. She's the first one in her family for generations, and the control she has over her abilities are insane, so much so that she manages to keep them a secret, allowing her to live a dangerous double life. Until one day, her dream comes to fruition, and she's picked up by a licensed producer to perform and produce her own music. How will she continue to juggle the different people she is trying to be?

Caught In The Jaws Of The Wolf: When the Gods of All Things suddenly cease the flow of power between the True Fae of Effpedelia and themselves, they dont even think to take responsibility for the actions the gods are punishing, instead blaming the Wilde Fae for their "savage and unnatural ways". In response to this perceived threat, the True Fae begin an all out massacre, desecrating the Wilde Fae population. Simon is a survivor of this genocide, left behind to raise his two younger siblings, and Myles was his best friend. Too bad, you can't really trust a friend who watched his people burn down your home.

Nyxle Boys: Daerick is meant to save the world. He was born to end the War of Elfkind, and bring peace to the Feywildes once and forever (or for a while anyways). The prophecy speaks it. And yet? Here he is getting high in the woods with his bestie Kore. He wished all he cared about was whether he'd still be too green to attend his lecture in the morning, but it was going to take a little more than that for him to avoid his destiny

Oops, I Did It Again: Warren is a human druid with a special affinity for fauna - so much so that he can't help but turn into a salamander sometimes - which makes his library meet-cute with heartthrob Robert all the more awkward. As circumstances shake Robert from his toxically unstable home and into the path of Warren the Wanderer, the pair struggle to find a place where they belong. On the way, they may even find who they really are.

I'mAre We The Hunted?: Josh, Hunter and Lukas were all raised by True Fae as hunters. They have learned to distinguish the Wilde Fae in their beast forms from the creatures they have mimicked, and to slaughter them without mercy. The Wilde Fae are savage and unnatural, after all. Except Lukas starts to question this. How different are they to the Wilde Fae? They have the same abilities, the same pointed ears and keen canine teeth. When he discovers the truth - that he and his unit are being used as a weapons against his own kind - Lukas is astonished. But what can he do; he is, after all, their weapon.

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

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[springtyme]

heyy love, could you do an aaron hotchner x fem bau reader where they dated in secretly for a while but then he broke up with her. the reason he broke up with her is because he is her boss and that always was something that made him feel doubtful about their relationship. it’s up to you if you want to end it with an happy ending.

thank youu

𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐀𝐭 𝐌𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 ♡

Thank you so much for the request, dear anon! Such a lovely one and I was so happy to write for Hotch! mwah <3

Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader || Main masterlist || Spotify

summary: You suspect that you've been in love with Aaron Hotchner since you first laid eyes on him three years ago. Now you're on your way to Idaho to go on your first case together since he broke your heart two weeks ago.

word count: 4.5k

warnings/tags: Angst and fluff. Boss/employee relationship. Hurt/comfort. Heartbreak. Kissing. Sharing a bed. (first time I write for Hotch, so please bear with me) Haven't proof read yet. I don't know if I really like how it ended up tbh, but maybe it's just because I was really tired while writing it..?

You keep your gaze on the pages of the book, despite the words keep blurring together and after having read the same paragraph four times over, without even having registered what you have read. You’ve given up on actually getting any reading done, but you don’t want anyone talking to you right now and you still have almost four hours left before you land in Idaho. So you keep eyes glued to the book, hoping that the act of pretending to read will deter any unwanted conversation.     

You can feel his eyes on you, not all the time, but you feel how his gaze occasionally lingers on you. It’s subtle, almost imperceptible, but you sense his presence nonetheless.  

Taking in a deep breath you look up from the book to steal a glance in his direction, catching his eye for a brief moment before he looks away. There’s a flicker of something in his expression, a hint of longing that mirrors your own. But just as quickly as it appeared, it’s gone, replaced by the stoic mask he wears so well as he continues his conversation with Derek. 

The last two weeks have been painful, filled with a whirlwind of emotions and unanswered questions since Aaron had ended your relationship, before it even had a chance to really begin. It’s been three years since you joined the BAU and from the very beginning you had felt drawn to Aaron Hotchner in a way that defied logic and reason, like there was a connection between you that transcended the professional boundaries of boss and subordinate. 

A silly crush is what it had started as, but the more you got to know him, the more you realized that what you felt was far more than just that. It was a deep, undeniable attraction, a connection that went beyond the surface level. And as time passed, that initial spark grew into something more profound, something that stirred your soul and filled your heart with warmth. 

Sometimes you had let yourself hope that he felt the same way, that the moments of shared glances and unspoken words between you held a deeper meaning, but you had never dared act on it, or let yourself get your hopes up too high. The reality of Aaron’s position as your boss and the boundaries it imposed had always stood as a barrier. The unspoken rules of professionalism, the fear of risking his or your career and the harmony of the team had kept your feelings hidden, buried beneath layers of duty and obligation. 

It was three months ago that things had changed between you. It had been a moment of vulnerability, a shared confession during a late-night conversation with the raw emotions of the aftermath of an exceptionally harrowing case that had laid bare the depths of your emotions, and the longing that had simmered beneath the surface for so long had reached a point of no return. 

He had kissed you that night and it was sweet and tender, yet charged with unspoken desire and desperation. It was a moment of surrender, a brief glimpse into a world where the barriers between you could be broken down and the feelings you had both been suppressing could be allowed to flourish. 

The next couple months had been a whirlwind of stolen moments and whispered confessions, each one deepening the bond between you in ways that words could never fully capture. There were secret meetings in secluded corners of the BAU office, stolen kisses in the quiet of the night, and shared glances that spoke volumes without a single word being uttered.

But as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, a shadow began to loom over your newfound connection. Aaron had started to act distant and reserved, his once warm and affectionate demeanor now replaced by a noticeable aloofness. And two weeks ago on a night where the both of you had stayed late to finish some reports he had told you that it all had been a mistake, and that the two of you should maintain a strictly professional relationship moving forward. 

His words had cut through the air with a sharp finality and landed like a heavy blow, shattering the fragile hope that had still lingered within you. Aaron’s eyes had been averted, unable to meet your gaze as he spoke the words that shattered your heart.

You steal another glance at Aaron, watching as he maintains his composure in conversation with Derek, his mask of professionalism firmly in place. 

You turn back to your book, the words still a jumbled mess on the page. You can’t pretend to read anymore, not when your heart is heavy with memories and unspoken words. With a sigh, you close the book, making Emily, who is seated across the aisle, glance up from the case file she is reading with a questioning look. 

You offer her a faint smile, attempting to convey a sense of normalcy despite the turmoil swirling within you. 

“You okay?” she asks as she sets aside the case file. You appreciate her gesture, knowing that Emily’s intuition often went beyond words.

You take a moment to collect your thoughts, the weight of unspoken emotions pressing down on you. With a small nod, you offer Emily a reassuring smile, though it doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just a lot on my mind,” you reply softly, the words carrying a weight that belie their simplicity.

Emily nods in understanding, her gaze holding a sense of sympathy. “He’s an idiot, by the way,” she says with a wry smile, and you feel how your heart stops for a second, panicking at the thought of Emily uncovering the truth of what has unfolded between you and Aaron. 

“What do you mean?” you stammer, the words tumbling out before you can stop them, your heart pounding in your chest as you wait for Emily’s response.

Emily just smiles at you as she picks up her file again. “We’re profilers, it’s not hard to read between the lines,” Emily says with a knowing glint in her eyes, her smile reassuring and understanding. “And you’re not as hard to read as you think, it’s clear that you have been dating someone, you have been looking like a smitten kitten for months, it’s been really cute to see, by the way, but something has changed recently. You’ve been distant, and often lost in thought sulking,” Emily continues, her tone gentle yet perceptive. 

It’s not like it really surprises you, given how perceptive Emily is, and how deeply you’ve been feeling the shifts in your relationship with Aaron, but you had still hoped that you could have hidden your feelings from colleagues. 

“So, yeah, whoever he is that has you feeling like this is an idiot, you’re clearly a catch,” Emily says with a reassuring smile, her words carrying a sense of warmth and understanding.

You feel relief wash over you, though Emily has sensed that you’ve been heartbroken, she hasn’t figured out that it is our boss that has been the course of it. 

“Thanks, Em,” you say, offering the dark haired woman a tired but grateful smile.

Emily returns your smile. “If you ever need to talk or just... not talk, I’m here,” she offers, her voice warm and reassuring.

“I appreciate that,” you say, and you do really mean it, but you know that you’re not ready to talk about any of this yet. “But I think I’ll try to take a nap first, hopefully clear my head a bit before we land.” 

“Mm, sounds like a plan,”Emily responds with a soft chuckle. 

Grabbing the blanket from the empty seat next to you, you lean back in your seat, engulfing your body in the soft, fluffy material. 

Before closing your eyes you cast one last glance at Aaron, his profile etched against the soft glow of the cabin lights. The memories of stolen moments with stolen kisses floods your mind, mingling with the ache of his recent rejection. You feel a pang in your heart, a mix of longing and sorrow, as you turn away, curling up in your seat, closing your eyes to the world outside.

You pull the blanket closer around you, the soft warmth of the blanket envelops you, cocooning you in a sense of comfort and security, providing a shield against the turmoil of your heart. The gentle hum of the airplane engines lulls you into a state of relaxation, the rhythmic sound serving as a soothing backdrop to your thoughts and emotions. 

As you feel yourself drifting further into the realm of sleep, your senses start to weaken, the sounds of the airplane cabin fading into a distant murmur and you barely register the tears gently sliding down your cheeks before you drift off. 

· · · · · 

You’re softly pulled out of sleep by the gentle touch of a hand on your shoulder. As you slowly flutter your eyes open, the soft glow of the cabin lights illuminates the figure beside you.

“Hey, sleepyhead, we’re about to land,” Derek’s voice is warm and filled with a hint of amusement as he gently rouses you from your slumber.

You blink a few times, the remnants of sleep still lingering in your mind as you adjust to the reality of the present moment. With a small smile, you offer Derek a nod of gratitude. Slowly, you sit up in your seat, the blanket slipping off your shoulders as you get ready for touchdown. 

As the plane begins its descent, you feel a mix of emotions swirling within you - longing, sorrow, and a hint of resignation. The turbulence of your heart echoes the turbulence in the jet cabin as you start dissenting onto a lower altitude.     

As the cabin lights dim in preparation for landing, you look up to find Aaron’s eyes looking in your direction, his gaze briefly meeting yours before he looks away, a shadow covering his features in the soft glow. This would all be so much easier if he would stop looking at you all the time.    

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions as the plane continues its descent. The mix of longing and sorrow in your heart feels almost suffocating, but you push it aside. You have to focus, have to keep your head clear for the sake of the case, you are a professional and you are not going to let your emotions cloud your mind. As the wheels touch the runway with a slight jolt, signaling your arrival in Idaho, you

And as the team disembarks from the plane and makes their way to the awaiting SUVs, you feel a sense of resolve settling within you, happy to no longer be confined to the limited room of the jet cabin and as you step out into the crisp evening air, you release a sigh of relief. 

You watch Aaron walk ahead of you, his posture rigid and his expression unreadable as he walks to one of the cars and you beeline for the other. You keep your gaze fixed outside the window for most of the car ride, watching the landscape pass by in a blur as the car speeds towards its destination, a little sleepy town about an hour away. 

As you and the team arrive at the local police station, you can feel the tension between you and Aaron simmering just beneath the surface. The case at hand requires your full attention, and you push aside the turbulent thoughts and emotions that threaten to consume you as you focus on the task at hand.

Throughout the evening and early night, you work alongside the team, profiling the unsub and piecing together clues to hopefully catch the unsub before they strike again. The familiarity of the work, the rhythm of profiling and investigating grounding you in the present moment, making you go into a state of laser focused professionalism. You find a sense of purpose in the work you do, a reminder that you are more than the turmoil of your emotions.

But as the night wears on, the team regroups at the hotel to get a few hours of sleep before continuing the investigation in the morning. You find yourself standing outside the small hotel, looking up at the dark, star lit sky and as you turn to head inside and join the rest of the team, you feel your heart do a little jump in your chest as you see Aaron standing a few feet away, his gaze fixed on you, his usual stoic expression faltered, his brown eyes softening as they meet yours.   

For a moment, the world around you seems to fade away, leaving just the two of you standing in the quiet night, and suddenly, you know that the decision you have made to the hard choice you’ve struggled with for the past two weeks is the right one. 

 Without saying a word, you walk towards him, a mix of uncertainty and determination coursing through you. As you come to a stop in front of him, he opens his mouth to speak, but you raise a hand to silence him. “Not here,” you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper, and you gently take his hand, leading him towards a secluded corner of the hotel grounds. 

As you come to a stop, you turn to face him, the dim light of the night casting shadows across his face. With a heavy sigh, you search his eyes for any sign of the man you once knew, the man who had kissed you with such tenderness and held you with such care, for the man you think might’ve even loved you. You had loved him, had long before he kissed you, and you still love.

 “Aaron, I…” you begin, trailing off as you feel all the words in your head leave you as you look into his eyes, remembering that night he had kissed you for the first time. It had been a late night just like this one, it had been the first time you had ever called him by his first name. 

“Let’s sit,” he says, his voice gentle yet strained, as he guides you to a nearby bench. You both sit in silence for a moment, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily between you. Finally, Aaron speaks, his voice raw with emotion. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for leading you on, for... for everything.” His words are filled with regret, and you can see the pain in his eyes, a pain that mirrors your own. 

He reaches out his hand, hesitating before resting it on yours. His touch is soft and hesitant but filled with unspoken longing and you feel how your heart skips a beat, how you have missed the feeling of him touching you, even if it’s just the slightest of touches. 

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he says, his voice now barely above a whisper. 

‘But it did hurt, it hurt so, so much’, is what you want to say. But as you look into Aaron’s eyes, filled with regret and vulnerability, you find yourself unable to form the words, the intensity in the warm, chocolate brown depths of his gaze rendering you speechless. You see the conflict within him, the turmoil of emotions swirling beneath the surface, and you feel the need to avert your gaze.  

You look down at his hand on yours, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver down your spine in the balm night air. For a moment, you allow yourself to savor the familiar sensation, the connection that still linger between you despite the circumstances.

Aaron’s hand tightens slightly around yours, a silent plea for understanding. “You deserve so much better than that,” he murmurs, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand.

You take a deep breath, the words forming in your mind before you speak them out loud. “Maybe I don’t want you to decide for me what I do and don’t deserve,” you say, looking up at him again, your voice steady despite the feelings swirling within you. Aaron’s eyes widen slightly at your words, a mix of emotions crossing his features.

Now it’s his turn to be lost for words, which for some reason seems to give you a bit more courage. You fill your lungs with another deep breath before opening your mouth.  

“I’m quitting,” you declare, your voice firm and resolute. You’ve been struggling with making the decision, but as you look at Aaron now, face lit up by the soft moon light you know that it is the only decision for you, you are never gonna be able to let him go if you keep working for the BAU. “I’m turning in my resignation letter when we get back from this case.”

Aaron’s eyes widen in shock, his grip on your hand tightening even more as he processes your words. The weight of your statement hangs heavy in the air between you, the unspoken implications of what this means for both of you settling in. You can see how a myriad of emotions flicker across his face – surprise, concern, and perhaps a glimmer of something else that you can’t quite place.

“You can’t do that,” Aaron’s voice is firm but filled with a mix of concern and resignation, his gaze searching yours for any sign of doubt

You can’t help but feel a pang of hurt at his words, it’s not like you had expected him to be happy about your decision, but a little, and probably naive, part of you had hoped that he would acknowledge that it would be the solution to how the two of you could be together, hoped that he still wanted that. But you’re not leaving the BAU for the slim chance that you can be with Aaron. You’re quitting because it’s become clear to you that it is the only solution. If the only time you can push aside the pain of being around him is when you’re actively investigating  a violent crime case, you have to let him go, and you can only do that by leaving the BAU. 

“Yes, I can… I have to, I think,” you say firmly, yet you feel your heart breaking a little by the thought of leaving. “I need to do this for myself. For my own well-being,” you continue, your gaze unwavering as you look into his eyes. “I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.” 

Aaron remains silent for a moment, his expression unreadable as he processes your words. Finally, he sighs, a hint of resignation in his voice. “I never wanted it to come to this,” he admits, his voice heavy with regret.

“I know,” you reply softly, a tinge of sorrow coloring your words. “But we both knew the risks when we started this.”

“I should never have put you in this position,” Aaron says, his gaze dropping to the ground as he speaks. “I should never have kissed you that night. Ilet my own feelings cloud my judgment, and I hurt you in the process. I’m your boss, and I took advantage, and I-I hurt you, and…” 

“No, look at me, please.” You reach out and gently cub his cheek in your hand, making him meet your gaze. “Aaron, it wasn’t just you. I wanted it too, I wanted to be with you,” you confess, your voice breaking slightly with emotion. “I wanted to take the risk because I thought it was worth it. And maybe it was, for a while. But we can’t keep going like this, Aaron. It’s not fair to either of us.” 

Aaron’s eyes search yours, a mix of emotions swirling within their depths. “What are you saying?” he asks softly, his voice filled with a hint of desperation. 

“I’m saying that I need to let you go,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “I need to let go of this hope that maybe someday we could find a way to be together. I can’t keep holding on to something that’s only causing us both pain.” Tears gather in the corners of your eyes as you speak, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. But despite the pain, you feel a sense of clarity wash over you, a sense of liberation in finally speaking the truth. 

Aaron’s eyes soften, his hand coming up to gently grasp yours that’s still cupping his cheek. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers, his voice filled with regret and sorrow. You offer him a sad smile, tears finally spilling down your cheeks as you lean forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek before pulling away. 

“Me too, Aaron,” you say softly, your voice filled with a mix of love and heartbreak. As you stand up from the bench, you turn to walk away, the weight of your decision settling in your heart. But before you can take a step, you feel a hand grasp yours, stopping you in your tracks. You turn back to see Aaron standing before you, his eyes filled with determination and a hint of something you can’t quite place. 

“I...I can’t let you leave without saying this,” Aaron begins, his voice wavering slightly. “I’ve been a fool. I’ve let my own fears and insecurities cloud my judgment, and in the process, I’ve hurt you. But I can’t let you go without telling you that I love you. ” 

Your heart skips a beat at his words, the depth of his confession washing over you like a wave. For a moment, you feel a flicker of hope ignite within you, a spark of possibility that maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance for the two of you. “But what does that mean, Aaron?” you ask softly, your voice filled with a mix of hope and trepidation. “What are you saying?” 

Aaron takes a deep breath, his gaze unwavering as he speaks. “I’m saying that I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to live with the regret of letting you slip away. I want to fight for a future where you are a part of my life. I know it won’t be easy, I know there are risks and complications, but I can’t let you go without at least trying cause I love you.” 

Tears stream down your cheeks as you look into Aaron’s eyes, the sincerity and love shining within them filling your heart with warmth and longing. Taking a step closer to Aaron, you reach out to cup his face in your hands, meeting his gaze with determination. 

“I love you, too. I think I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.” 

Aaron’s eyes widen in surprise, a mix of emotions flickering across his features. Without another word, he closes the distance between the two of you, his lips capturing yours in a kiss filled with passion and longing. The world falls away as you melt into each other, lost in the moment of shared love and desire as the man you love kisses you under the moonlight.

The kiss deepens, becoming a promise of the future you both want to fight for, a pledge to overcome the obstacles that stand in your way, a balm for the weeks of heartbreak. And as you break apart, breathless and filled with emotion, you feel how your entire body shivers, already missing the feeling of Aaron’s warm lips against yours. 

“You’re freezing,” Aaron frowns, quickly shredding himself of his suit jacket and draping it around your shoulders before wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. “Let’s get you inside.”

You nod, your heart swelling with hope and love as he takes your hand in his, leading you back to the hotel. Hotel might be a little generous; it’s more of a bed and breakfast, with so few rooms that the team had to pair up and share, but it was the only accommodation in town and it is not like you and the team aren’t used to having to share rooms from time to time. 

It turns out the rest of the team has already paired up and hit the hay, leaving only one room since you’re the last two to arrive. “Looks like you and I’ll have to share a room,” you say, a small smile playing on your lips, an hour ago you would be horrified by it, but now you’re absolutely thrilled about it.  

“Yeah, looks like it,” he says with a soft smile on his face as you get your keys before taking your hand in his again and leading you to your shared room.  

As you step inside, the warmth of the room envelops you, melding with the warmth of Aaron’s touch as he pulls you into his arms, his lips finding yours once more in a sweet, tender embrace. In the dim light of the hotel room, with the moon casting a soft glow through the curtains, the emotions swirling within you are no longer suffocating, but freeing, as you surrender to the love that has bound the two of you together.

As you finally break apart and look around it turns out that the room is a twin room, with two beds divided by a bedside table. It makes sense that your coworkers didn’t leave you to share a room with a shared bed. 

You share a knowing look with him before the both of you start to quickly get ready for bed, it’s late and you’re both exhausted and there is only a few hours till you’ll need to get up again. 

You share one last kiss before moving to your respective beds, but as you lay there, the distance between you feels unbearable. The man you have been pining over for three years has just a little while ago told you that he loves you after weeks of heartbreak and he lies so close yet you can’t even touch him? That’s ridiculous! 

“I can’t do this,” you whisper, your voice filled with longing as you look at Aaron.

“I know,” he replies, his voice just as filled with yearning as he pulls his covers to the side letting you slip into the bed with him. 

You settle into his arms, feeling the warmth of his body against yours, and you feel as if you’re finally coming home. The walls that had been built between you are crumbling down, allowing you to embrace the love that has always been between you.

As you snuggle closer to Aaron, his arms wrapped tightly around you, you feel a sense of peace wash over you. The turmoil of the past weeks fades away, replaced by a deep sense of contentment and love.

“I’m never letting you go again,” Aaron whispers, his breath warm against your ear, and you know that he means it. And you know that you never want to let him go either. 

With a smile on your face, and your heart full of love and hope, you drift off to sleep in the arms of the man you love, knowing that no matter what challenges lie ahead, you will face them together.

[a-aexotic]

grumpy!rafe and sunshine!reader where he’s obsessed with her and is so clingy. whatever you want to write about that tbh

pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader

warnings: fluff!, rafe being mean (towards top LMFAO), mention of parties/drinking.

summary. when reader goes on a girls trip, rafe gets grumpy because his girl is gone because he's alone.

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

part 2 !!

You and Rafe were complete opposites. You two were so contrasting, everyone had questions but neither of you cared. You two were just in your own bubble, not caring about anyone else's opinion.

Rafe didn't like many people but more importantly, he loved close to no one. For a while he guarded his heart so furiously, everyone had just grown used to the fact he was just an asshole. Not you, you broke down those walls the moment you walked into his life.

He immediately liked you. But, he grew to love you. And so did you with him. You changed him as well for the better as well; everyone knew that Rafe became a better person when he got with you.

You had him whipped and he wasn't afraid to admit to anyone.

Rafe was sitting outside by the pool, annoyance filling his body. You were out of town for the weekend and he honestly had nothing to do except sulk around until you eventually came back. He heard the door slide open and he looked over to see Topper.

He groaned out load and sighed. "What do you want?"

"Dude, chill out."

"I am, Topper, your aura is just pissing me off." Rafe argued and Topper let out a laugh, taking a seat in the chair next to him.

"Aura? Dude, are you joking? You've been hanging around Y/N way too much man. It's been a year now and you guys are still in the honeymoon phase."

Rafe's nostrils flared as he turned back to his 'best friend.' "Well it's always the honeymoon phase if you found the right one, Top. You wouldn't know that because there is no right one for you."

Topper rolled his eyes in annoyance but before he could reply, Rafe continued.

"And I don't hang out with Y/N too much. It's a reasonable amount of time."

"Bro, when was the last we actually hung out?"

"Like last weekend dude, chill out. You're acting like I don't ever see you. You're always at my house, man, it's getting exhausting." Rafe sighed before Topper registered what he was saying and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. You're right. That party was awesome last weekend bro, wow. I forgot about it." Topper chuckled to himself and Rafe made a disgusted face.

"Why are you here anyway, Top?" Rafe got up from the chair and started walking inside; he needed a beer after the conversation with Topper.

He followed close behind. "Uh, Sarah was getting me my stuff back."

Rafe couldn't help but laugh to himself as Topper glared at him. "Sorry, man. I thought you were off that train a while ago, you're still on her? It's been like-"

"Dude, you wouldn't understand!"

Rafe heard the door open and the footsteps leading into the kitchen. He immediately put down his beer once he saw your face, a big smile forming on his lips.

"Y/N!"

You walked over to him with a grin playing on your lips as you embraced him tightly. He put his arms around your waist. As you let go he leaned in for a quick kiss on the lips as Topper furrowed his eyebrows in disgust.

"Get a room."

Rafe glared at him. "You realize it's my house, right, Topper?"

You laughed at your boyfriend's sarcasm. "Sorry, Top, you still haven't found a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, man. It's really hard to find a decent girl on this stupid island." Topper ran his hand through his hair, obviously stressed out. You held in a laugh.

Rafe put a hand on Topper's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "You'll find one soon, dude, don't worry. Now, if you don't mind leaving, me and my girl have to catch up."

"Oh, come on, it's been like two days!"

Rafe gave him a stern look before Topper rolled his eyes and groaned, walking away. Rafe faced you and gave you a kiss on your forehead, taking your hand in his.

He led you outside and he took a seat where he was sitting before. He spread his legs so you stand in between them as he grabbed your waist, pulling you in.

"Top's right, Rafe, it has only been-"

"Shhh, let me enjoy this moment."

You found a tiny bit amusing how clingy Rafe was. You took it as a compliment though, you were glad you were one of the only people who have ever had Rafe so whipped for them; maybe even the only one.

He pulled your waist in more and put his head on your stomach, finding comfort in you and your body. He looked up at you with a smile. "Missed you so much babe. I was bored all weekend, I literally only hung out here. But Topper kept annoying me."

You laughed at that, "Topper's your best friend."

"No, you are. He's just the dude I hang around with."

You shook your head. "Stop being mean, I know you care about him a tiny bit."

He rolled his eyes, "like the smallest bit."

You smiled at your boyfriend, putting your hands in his hair as he relaxed. "I missed you, too. So much, I kept saving your snaps because I missed your cute face."

He grumbled at the wording and you couldn't help but laugh again. "I mean, hot face."

He grinned, "that's better."

[nixthisis]

MDNI! —#CALEB ( L&DS ) x IMPLIED FEM!READER

PAIRING: Caleb x Implied Fem! Reader (love and deepspace)- this part is pretty gn tbh but there's room for a part two that I would feel comfier writing with fem foundations! &. GENRE: established relationship, cheeky caleb with some suggestive at the end <3 &. WARNINGS: clothes manipulation? I lowkey messed around with the mind powers for fantasy idc, reader wears a skirt and is a little mean to him, pet names &. WORDCOUNT: 0.6k

nixnote; he's so gross im so in love with the him in my mind. :(( infold please don't ruin him i'll be very upset you don't know him like I do ( for legal reasons that is a joke ). I don't know the in's and out's of his power obviously nor do I really grasp telekinesis and what it can and can't entail but this was hot in my mind so I wrote it *shrug shoulders*

"quit it. I'm not playing" you warn him, hands cupping the material of your skirt to the curve of your behind- eye's redirecting to glare at him in hopes that it will deminish the joy he gets from using his evol to mess with you. It does momentarily, just long enough for him to sling his hands up in defence as though they were the body part to blame, laughing as he does so.

You huff out a deep, irritated breath that is paired with an eye roll equal in emotion as the covering begins to slink up the span of your thighs for the umpteenth time in the hour, "seriously Caleb?"

He's still pretending to be on guard. Eyes cast downward in concentration and hands held firmly by his head, palms outward, which does nothing for the anger levels rising with-in you. It espescially doesn't aid you when he pulls the fat of his lower lip between his teeth as he blatantly ignores you to refocus himself and get back to work- successfully rolling your attire a few more inches into the dange zone.

"Caleb!"- nothing, not even a response when you yank the skirt back down as far as it can sit.

"Okay, that's it. I'm going home"

That seems to snap him back too reality (woah there goes gravity), whining as you forcefully push you way past his side to return to the route you had came from- "ah baby! don't be like that, we haven't even gone for dinner yet!"

"I'm aware, go yourself" it's harsh, probably more than you intended but he's been pushing it for hours now- in public, "come back home when you can control yourself"

He nods, tall frame shrinking in on himself as he let's you leave- only opening his mouth enough to mumble that you should text him when your home as always. Something you know you would have done regardless.

—

He returns in a way you've very much grown to expect from a Caleb who's been trod on ever so slightly, fingers clamped around a wonky boquet of miss matched flowers; colour scheme barely making sense.

"I um-" he starts, awkwardly parked at the foot of the bed, "I couldn't decided on just one bunch".

His sincerity washes over you with a pout that journeys to a delicate smile and you shimmy down the bed to hook your ankles behind his hips and pull him down on top of you- blooms falling from him as you do so. You take the time to spread your fingers through the hair at the base of his skull and tuck him face first into the skin of your neck; stretching ever so slightly to accommodate him, feeling his breath tickle before he even gets the chance to speak.

"Shush, just keep me company.." you pull slightly at the tufts in your hands, "... you've wound me up enough today"

Theres a snort of air that follows, lightening the weight of the statements thrown his way over the course of the day and you know it's better accepted when his chest shakes in tandem with your own- the breathiest 'yeah' meeting your ears during.

He lays with you for a while, unusually long for his typically busy self; hands and mind preferring to have a task to focus on in some form. and then you feel the slow circles as he begins to trace his way higher up the very same skirt, pausing to dig at the flesh with a singualr thumb.

"Caleb..." you sigh- eyes, voice and body grown heavy already and he's took to suckling at the perfumed skin at your throat, ignoring the tang in his mouth from your chosen scent.

"-m sorry pretty" he's low in his vocals, "just my hands this time? no mind games" he bargains, smirk pulling flush to your skin when you meet his wandering hands to guide them.

—

PLEASE CONSIDER INTERACTING IF YOU ENJOYED— likes, re-blogs, replies and asks are deeply appreciated by your writers!

[nachosncheezies]

In defense of late-canon x files (including the revivals)

I was thinking about this poll after I commented on it, and I kinda want to be brave and say more.

Short answer to the poll's question before I go any further: If you're a new fan and a sensitive sort who thinks you'll struggle with your blorbos Really Going Through It and you really need a happy ending, I suggest you stop at the end of season 8. Do not pass go, do not look at spoilers. Disregard this post entirely, close the internet, and go look at something that makes you happy. (Also fuck every part of society that characterizes sensitivity as inherently weak and bad and some kind of personal failing, you are valid.)

That said, "quality" as a concept is entirely subjective, and the question of whether or not there's a decline in quality for any story is wholly subjective, too. In the case of x files? I'm not convinced there is a decline. I am going to be upfront that I haven't yet watched past season 8, though I am almost completely spoiled on events after that - and the reason I haven't watched yet is not because of how I know events are going to unfold, but simply because I don't want it to end!!! Ohh, the tension between "I CAN'T WAIT!!!" and "Nooo don't be over D:"

When I first came to txf fandom on tumblr and gradually became spoiled about what happens in late canon though, I was often left uncomfortable and tbh kinda queasy about it. As I said in my comment on the poll, the hate for especially the revival and IWTB, or to a lesser extent even seasons 8 & 9, is very well documented. But! There are other takes to be found here on tumblr if you figure out where to look, and my feelings have changed!

The thing is, I have yet to find myself in any fandom where there isn't a vocal subset of fans who dislike the story after a certain point. I am not joking when I say that no one hates the things they love as passionately as sci-fi and fantasy fans. In my experience, it often hinges on the extent to which a viewer has strong notions on where they would like the characters to end up. In particular with series where shipping is a dominant component for the bulk of a fandom, I have almost universally found that there comes some turning point in the story where "let them be happy you cowards" is the dominant view, and things that compromise the attainment of a degree of romantic stability and/or domesticity are, to many fans, annoying at best and despicable at worst. But! As one tagset on the linked poll said:

and I think for any fandom, that last tag especially is so so so important. (I think that's harder for people watching a weekly series live, bc you have so much time to analyze and speculate and dream before the next breadcrumb drops, but I digress.)

So why am I saying this and how do I apply it to x files? Well, I eventually found that there are also a subset of fans who find redeeming things right up to the very end and actually quite like the whole thing! The things that I had seen people rage and ventpost so much about honestly never quite sounded to me as "out of character" or "untrue to the story" etc as those same ventposts made them sound. And I've discovered I'm not the only one who felt that way. Do I love that the spooky squad had to go through all of those things? No, those poor guys D: Life is hard and they have been through so much trauma. But do those events and their choices make sense to me in light of everything that came before? Yes! And I honestly can't wait to see them fight to overcome those things, breaking, healing, always learning, always growing, always getting better.

So if you're wondering "where does it go wrong"... well, I'm a completionist, as many people who've answered that post are, but also my personal opinion is that I don't think it does go wrong. If you're new and interested in exploring why I've gone from "vaguely queasy" to "excited" about the whole thing, or want to maybe balance out the impressions you're getting about the later seasons before deciding whether or not you want to see the whole thing, I'll put a few blog names in the comments.

Final admission: even once I started feeling a little more confident in the possibility that "actually ok maybe I'm not crazy, maybe this all kind of is in character and does make sense", there was one big plot point that I was NOT looking forward to and I thought I would never be comfortable about. In hindsight, I think my discomfort came from the negative responses being SO seemingly universal that I hadn't stopped to let myself truly consider other possible interpretations on that point. (I mean my initial instinct when I first read about it was, why are we mad about this?? CSM is literally the most unreliable narrator in history???? it's obviously fake news?????? this must be either a fever dream someone's having or it's a misdirection ploy against whatever shadowy forces might still be lurking?????????????? but for whatever reason I guess I had halfway written that off.) Happily, just last month there's a new post-s11 novel out, and although reviews for the book as a whole are mixed, it seems to have laid the groundwork for resolving that plot issue in a way I think most fans would be broadly happy with. If you're interested in being spoiled about that and seeing how, I recommend searching #perihelion on @agent-troi who liveblogged reading it with receipts, scroll back chronological-style to the first post on the subject and see how it unfolded. (And never forget that Dana Katherine Scully is the queen of denial as a coping mechanism lol)

Everyone's mileage will vary. Each person can feel however they want! But for anyone new, I wanted you to know that the very many ventposts you might be seeing are not all there is to this show or its fandom. Some of us love it despite - or even because of - all the things that went "wrong". I think we just don't talk about it as much.

[oddp1ant]

A handful of loose reflections I wanna put down before time moves on, things change etc

One, Viktor. The biggest thing I'm feeling right now is grief. We knew he was doomed from the start, to lose parts or all of himself, but seeing it happen still hurts. I was unsettled during act 1, feeling so much of him was already lost with little fanfare - would the narrative just move on? I'm actually mollified by this second death, seeing it delivered with narrative and emotional weight, even if we haven't gotten the (Jayce's) reasoning for it yet. Plus, I'm fairly confident we've yet to see his final evolution. So again, he was already (mostly) gone, but now it's like the narrative has acknowledged it, too. Even less will be left off him in his final form, but by god, I hope it's his wrath. If he's truly left an empty shell for the arcane I think I'll cry.

Second, Jayce. What the hell man. Explain yourself. Ngl I love him so much, seeing him get cut up with a chainsaw and apparently run through the arcane autoclave was oddly satisfying. Both him and Mel felt a bit, idk, like they'd gotten a PR treatment in arc 1? Like I love the "my place is here in the lab with you" and "Viktor will return to us" as much as the next guy but both of these characters have been very shitty to Viktor very recently and erasing that feels too cheap. I'm glad to see Jayce return to making Big Swings in the worst possible direction. I only wish he'd said something to Viktor before. Well. Y'know.

Speaking of Mel, I absolutely love the arc she's getting. Even just the fact that she's getting an independent arc, tbh. Most beautiful woman in the world is also magic? Gays stay winning.

And it feels almost redundant to mention but. The sister arc. Suffice to say I'm chewing drywall. The scene in the glow mushroom tunnel. Vander. Possible Vi Jinx Cait teamup in act 3. Love me some natural character/relationship development!!!!!!

Side note: love the ambiguity whether Vander is actually at least Vi's bio dad. Get it, you dog.

I'm not ready to talk about Isha.

Finally, I'm feeling a peculiar kind of melancholy for the diverse but largely congruent Divorce Era fanon that sprung up in between seasons - the visions of Machine Herald and Defender of Tomorrow built from an amalgamation of League and Arcane, making a shared space for creators to play in that has birthed some of my very favorite stories. It's been so, so much fun and I'm floored by how much of it was really founded in shared fandom interpretation and imagination. Now that Arcane canon has set out its own, unique direction, I wonder if this nebulous genre and its characters - a Machine Herald that is neither of League nor Arcane but all our own, the meeting and friction points between Jayces Giopara and Talis - will fade into the past, a weird limbo between the solid pillars of canon, or if its grounding in league lore will keep it alive.

- Honorable mention to the fics where arcane-adjacent and league-ish versions of jayvik meet and fuck absolutely nasty about it. You're the real ones. I could (and have, thank you to my very patient, non-fic reading friend) talk for hours about the complexity and depth of character explored in robotfucking timetravel porn. And none of it, not just the stories but the shared framework and subtext they're based upon, would exist without the beautiful minds of fans! Thank you ily.

[justanotherhh]

alastor aroace semiotics: symbols/metaphors/codes (oh my!)

thinking about some of the aroace subtext, both in terms of what's definitely intentional, and things that one can pick up on within the burgeoning field of "what the heck does aspec (in this case aroace) semiology even look like in (this particular) narrative?"

there's the really obvious one of course "ace in the hole." funny as well, because ace in the hole could also reference Alastor being the card you play as a hidden advantage (potentially hinting that Rosie knows that Alastor has his own agenda and supports that, like she does in the song). Of course "Alastor is ace" is the main point of the joke, because it's a sentence that comes a little out of nowhere, and clearly confuses Alastor, because he doesn't know Stuff

2. secondly, there's the pilot episode's placing Alastor first next to and then on top of the Ace of Spades. tbh if this was an accident, it sure was a serendipitous one, because the Ace of Spades not only refers to being ace, but specifically aroace (with Hearts meaning alloace, Diamonds meaning demiace, and Clubs meaning grey-ace <- t Ace of Diamonds/Clubs are a more open to interpretation, I've seen some also use them for demiromantic and greyromantic)

3. Body language! Alastor's reactions to being propositioned or involved in a sex joke, or having to listen to romance talk ranges from discomfort (glitching), to blunt refusal/shutting down of the conversation, to boredom/distraction. I haven't made a study of Alastor's body language in detail, but I'd be interested in how his smiles potentially shift when around very sexual and/or romantic discussion, regardless of whether he's the centre of that (but probably moreso if he is). I think this would come more to the fore in future seasons if there were examples beyond Angel Dust, who also made Husk uncomfortable in the first half of s1, but Alastor -- especially in the pilot -- had very visceral reactions to Angel's "flirting/joking," moreso than anyone else, until Angel had really gone too far with Husk in ep4 (and he come onto Alastor as strongly/invasively as he did with Husk)

4. Speaking of Angel... Alastor not being present outside of a flashback in all of episode 4, and not in episode 6 either. Both episodes featured sex heavily, including Angel showing off one of his pornos, and the gang going to a sex club. Also, Valentino was in both of them (makes sense, seeing as they were Angel-centric). I wonder what Alastor feels about Valentino's whole... existence. He's also the only main s1 hotel character to not be involved in the trust exercises that lead them to the bondage/SM club. this has nothing necessarily to do with the character, but he's very much placed outside of sexual scenarios and places by the writing/plot, which is fun to notice, especially in the first two examples, as his not being in the episodes isn't actually explained. No Alastor in the sex episodes, because his fourth wall sex repulsed senses were tingling?

5. boundaries and power fantasies. that is, Alastor is a character who has very clear boundaries and ways of enforcing them. from blowing up Sir Pentious when he grabs his coat, to noping out of any space he wants to, to seizing the narrative from Vox and telling the story on his terms, to shadow tentacles (ironic), nobody touches him emotionally/physically unless they're allowed. Niffty, Rosie, and Mimzy so far appear to be the ones who have crossed into that "allowed" space the most, but considering he lets everyone (barring Lucifer and Husk, who don't want to) hug him in the finale, some of those barriers are coming down, which is another interesting analysis to make at some point

these boundaries aren't all entirely healthy either -- the way he lashes out at Husk who seems to actually be trying to look out for him (which suggests that Husk is emotionally close-ish to him, enough that he didn't realise he was overstepping), and the way he breaks down in the finale, shows that his inability to be vulnerable in front of others is... not actually a good thing. I wrote a whole bunch about how this part of Alastor's writing play into a very aroace-in-feel narrative for him, but suffice to say... a story about someone with boundaries that seems to be completely absent of "romance/sex will fix you" is refreshing. and very aroace coded

there's also a power fantasy in the idea that one can simply bend the space to avoid ones boundaries being trampled over. to be able to either nope out of a room or to make oneself so terrifying that nobody would want to try to get up in your space... it's got a little smthinsmthin of a "wish it were me" in there. being repulsed means an often constant erosion and invasion of boundaries, from people making your disgust and/or obliviousness the centre of their sex jokes, to being hyper-scrutinised and challenged every time you do or don't let someone into your space in whatever way, or challenge their notions of what's "allowed" as an aroace person. sometimes you just want to say "Demonic Powers Be Upon Ye" and be done with it

6. An Absence. most often aspec narrative is defined by an absence of allo-narrative. that is, Angel Dust, Husk, Charlie, Vaggie, Cherri, Sir Pentious, Lucifer, are set up as allo-figures with romance and sex featuring more or less in all of their stories. the only hotel residents so far who don't have that going on are Alastor and Niffty, and Niffty's story has yet to have the foundations laid out for beyond the very bare bones, and she flirts with others (her "bad boy" preference). whatever Alastor's journey is, it's not coded as alloromantic or allosexual in any way, whether through casual jokes/flirting, or a longform romantic and sexual relationship exploration, with the possible exception of...

7. Vox. the characters that Alastor seems closest to in this story are Rosie, Mimzy, Niffty, Charlie, and Husk (with the mysterious figure that owns his soul looming in the back as well). out of them, none of them are coded as anyone he's sexually or romantically involve with or heading in that direction. the last figure in Alastor's life that's very heavily figured so far is Vox. And Vox is obsessed with Alastor in a way that absolutely can be read as a bad one-sided break-up/jilted stalker type framing, with Alastor gleefully recounting his "no" when talking about their past, and otherwise putting Vox out of his mind, while almost all of Vox' big character moments revolve around how much real estate Alastor takes up in his mind (literally, considering his error message is all Alastor messaging)

Vox being a figure who is symbolically the trampler of aroace boundaries is a very good way of showing Alastor's total disinterest and even disgust (depending on whether or not he knows that Vox was/is into him), and can act as a future potential interesting barometer for other characters to be "less" invasive, but still not quite getting it to begin with (see, Angel Dust's casual flirting, Charlie's tendency to see everything from her perspective, who knows how Cherri and Lucifer might fit into this equation, and generally the sex-and-romance framing of a lot of the other narratives)

8. I talked about aroaceness being a humanising factor to Alastor in my other big ol' post I did, just want to mention it here as well. so far it exists somewhat as a Potential, in the sense that we're firmly in s1 and there's still a lot of ways this could all go, but I think it's worth mentioning as a form of foundational signposting work that's been done for his character

he's more on the dark grey end of the grey scale of all of these characters, he's manipulative, sadistic, cruel when he wants to be, petty, selfish, likes being the centre of attention + is easily rankled when he's not, and presumably he went to hell because he killed people for kicks <- these traits are not unique to him, considering the setting, but what is is the beginnings of a storyline exploring his particular relationship to vulnerability and power and why those things are a part of him in the way they are. this from the perspective of someone who is aroace (and possibly repulsed) instantly adds a potential sympathetic nuance to who he's become, similar to the layer of power fantasy mentioned above. both of these turn his narrative from a cautionary tale or a villain-played-straight (haha) trope into something much more interesting

with the semiotics of aroaceness already in place, these affect how we read the foundations for the rest of his narrative and where it's going. quite simply, it's one of the biggest factors right now that make all his other story beats more resonant and interesting, depending of course on where they take it...

9. his smile. since we've gotten deep enough into meta territory now that we're in hc/future theorising country -- the smile is of course a mask, that's known to everyone. there's a lot of future opportunities for how to utilise that alongside aroaceness-as-theme-for-him. aroaceness, or just "someone where there is a noticeable lack of romantic (and hinted at sexual) interest," is usually coded through a certain shallowness. a pathologisation of behaviours -- which is another deeper analysis post to make at some point (jeez there's so many). Alastor is off-putting, yes, but he's also very confident and charming when he wants to be, he can put people at ease despite themselves (see, Charlie). It's a very interesting mask to give someone who's aroace, because it makes him complicated, rather than a simple ableist "point at the weirdo with no friends, that's our Outsider/killer."

(it also hearkens back to the humanising factor, in that his shallowness isn't because he's aroace, it's because he doesn't know how to be vulnerable with people as the person he is in a world that is incredibly amatonormative and focused on sex)

His smile can be unnerving, but it can also be disarming, give others the illusion that he's in control, make it impossible to guess his emotions (etc. basically what he said to Charlie)

so quite simply, his smile as a twisted distortion of society's demands upon people. he's not being abrupt, aloof, asocial, unkempt, or all the things aroaceness is often stereotyped as. he's performing the most acceptable normative person you can imagine. his surface is unscratcheable because of normative ideals

it's a very fun, unique-to-this-story way of potentially telling an aroace narrative. I'd be interested in what it takes to make him drop it (if he can, or if the story takes the route of accepting that he can't -- the man who laughs kinda vibes) and whether that will tie into a piece of his story that itself takes on aroace proportions (perhaps related to worrying for others in a non-romantic way, perhaps in relation to being able to or being forced to be vulnerable in a non-romantic/non-sexual way, etcetc).

Potentials:

we haven't seen him around the aro/ace aroace colours yet as far as I can remember, which is a fun, easy way to signpost (see, Vox flashing the bisexual flag on his screen)

since we've had an "ace in the hole" joke, I think we could have an aro/arrow-based pun in there as well, maybe even as a deconstruction of when they're used in romantic ways -- (no aro going through his heart, too aro for cupid's arrow, idk I'm spitballing here) or as literal arrows in some way. also someone's gotta call him aces at one point, right? just cos? I feel like the "<2" emoji might be too niche (heck, maybe all of this is, but that's part of the point -- all of this should be ways we're able to signpost aro and ace and aroace characters), but there's characters who know modern emoji and online lingo

other asexual symbols I know of include stating a preference for cake or pizza over sex and/or dating and the black and white rings (worn respectively on right an left middle fingers, although since they only have four fingers in this world...)

I've really enjoyed "clueless cannibal about modern lingo" Alastor comics, including the one about serving cunt and the one about eating ass both by @nouverx. it goes nicely on from his being confused about "ace in the hole," with that HH style sexual comedy. there's a whole bunch of that one could play with

speaking of slang, confirmed bachelor has often meant gay, but the aro/ace community and the gay community has overlapped as long as anyone has been non-conforming. @creepysora suggested a gentleman never kisses and tells, either as Alastor being unaware that it's actually about sex, or as an aware deconstruction of the phrase that gives him the space (similar to confirmed bachelor) to sneakily go, "go mind your own fucking business 😊!" I'm sure there are others that could fulfill a similar purpose of allowing Alastor a certain kind of old-timey buffer

similar to the episode of Bojack Horseman that had Todd visit his girlfriend's parents (both Todd and his GF are asexual and not out to her parents), which depicted allosexuality from the perspective of asexuality as something nonsensical and Other, perhaps having something from Alastor's POV in which he's the observer of the rites of romance and/or sex in a way that shows their strangeness when one sits outside of their tenets

would kind of like to see him killing/hurting people for being pushy, either when alive or dead. I already see a lot of potentials for his past as a serial killer to be framed from an aroace POV, but I especially like this idea, similar to how Hannibal often targets people for being "rude."

more on what I was saying about aroaceness as a humanising trait -- more on how this affected him in life, how he feels about Vox's consistent obsessive behaviour, how it potentially makes it harder to imagine his place in a group setting like the hotel (which is rapidly being paired off into romantic couples -- often a nightmare scenario for aromantics), more on how potentially learning these words or something better to describe himself can make it possible for him to assert boundaries without shutting everyone out to a large extent, and also, tbh, to put Big Expectations onto a story that's barely even started, I hope that none of this takes away his less savoury traits necessarily. I hope he's still kind of an asshole, but simply that he is grounded in himself enough to be able to really believe in Charlie's work/aims and support her in them for more reasons than his own ends, and can admit to really caring for something

reiterating: I am interested in how his smile-as-mask will play into all of this

Any symbolism, metaphor, coding, and straight-up telling I've missed in the show itself? Any you'd want to see in upcoming seasons?

[fandomfantasyy]

MASSIVE WARNING FOR II 17 SPOILERS ++ INANIMATE INSANITY THEORY ++ ADAM KATZ TWITTER CODE SOLVING !!

i am holding onto way more hope than i should, however, this is a stray theory of mine that im holding onto for said hopes sake.

to those who haven't watched ii 17 yet, PLEASE keep scrolling. i mention just about everything that happened in the episode, and im basically reviewing it at the start. the episode is so much better without any spoilers!!

so, inanimate insanity 17. if you don't wanna hear me blabber on and on about the episode, scroll to the other big text. otherwise i am RANTING i need an outlet. 3:

inanimate insanity 17 was a rodeo. me and my partner had a few straggling theories before we watched it, and a few of them were true. knife did indeed punch cobs, they really did fight, everyone that heard was disappointed to find out they were made by mephone 4.

starting with the majority of the opening sequence, going from memory here, knife's desperation? ow. suitcase's new found paranoia? OW. them doing everything to find out what was wrong was so bittersweet, because you can just tell that they don't know how to stop it and are holding onto to random theories and hope.

nearing more of the middle section, i completely forgot that bow could possess people. made me giggle a bit tbh….. besides that, I HATE COBS HE MANIPULATED MY BABY, TOILET. ☹️ the admission of guilt from mephone 4, only to realize his apology could never speak loud enough almost killed me. lightbulb, fan, and test tube, all dead. the bright lights poly. when toilet told mepad that he understood it wasn't a competition anymore? and when cobs pulled off toilet and begun killing everyone? jesus christ dude (also im a little sad at the lack of extra pronunciation on "your" when paper yelled at salt saying "hes not your boyfriend" as a payjay shipper but....)

more on the end side, the fight convinced me for a damn while. it doesn't make sense to me how one single throw got knife extremely scuffed and chipped, but it's finneee, it's show logic!! :3 anygays. the main painful time. the pull of the plug, prompting toilet to call himself "the best assistant", the way knife put his hand on suitcase to comfort her, the way cobs SACRIFICED MEPHONE X??? dude this show is gonna make me go bonkers.

last but not least, "the show is over," and mephone 4 has no choice but to go back "home" with cobs. ow.

there are still so many questions. the eggs helped power everything, but were they fake? how did mephone 4 find the land he built inanimate insanity on? obviously it isn't fake, he's still sitting on it at the end of the episode. where's 3gs? what about mepad? was mepad made up? too much to answer with too little information.

overall, what a painful episode. it seems like the end, right? wrong.

inanimate insanity is not over. we are getting ii18.

at least, thats my theory. average movie length spans 1½ hours to 2½ hours. us inanimate insanity fans were told that this finale would be as long as a movie. right now, we are only at an hour. i dont remember the last time i watched a movie that was only an hour. they're out there, yes, but i doubt the creators would pray on very short movies to support their angst.

adam katz's teasing on twitter / x, saying that mephone x was after him, only for his account to be seemingly gone or empty? there's no way adam simply quit twitter because he ended his line of work. it's a thing that happens, but i dont think this is that. most of adam's characters in the show died before the plug was pulled. is that a direct reference? i don't know.

as of october 15th, adam seemingly returned to twitter, but instead as the robot from ii17. why would they bring him back suddenly, why would they make this teaser? there's no real, legitimate explanation in my eyes... other than them maybe just wanting to torture us. that, however, is not the point.

continuing on adam robot twitter thing, on his twitter / x profile / status, (idk what it's called i don't use twitter / x,) it says, "Loading a large amount of files... / Estimated wait tim: 2880 minutes, 0 seconds". that directly translates to two days. we're heavily likely to get the true final episode or the trailer of such of ii2 in 2 days.

update for the above. on october 18th, around 3pm EST, a code to decipher was posted. someone in the comments of the twitter / x post said that it was "you seek to know the true reason for such a tragic second season if you decide you want to show more there may be something to restore see .com/insert code". we, the viewers might be bringing the show back.

season one and season three's final episodes ended with a "the end". ii17 did not have this end card. this seems like a very crucial thing that they couldn't just "leave out". after all, why on the most important finale of all of the finales so far, would they leave out saying "the end"? if it's truly the end, they wouldn't leave it with a black screen and a sobbing community. (the last part, maybe, but not the first part.....)

both season one ended with 18 episodes, and season three ended with 19 episodes. season two seems to almost be ending on episode 17. this could go either way, with season two ending with a pattern of 17-18-19, OR, if we're really lucky, 18-19-20. (or we just get an extra 18 or smth idk)

there is a reason why this is only a stray theory of mine. only 6 days before the release of ii17, adam katz and brian koch were saying their thank you's and goodbye's to the inanimate insanity community. it feels like the end of this show is near, if not sadly over now.

overall, i still have hope. but this wont be clear until we either see a ii18 trailer or we dont. i will regularly update this with new information as it gets found by me and my partner. goodbye for now, inanimate insanity community, and good luck.

robot adam's twitter saga.

adam katz's teasing on twitter / x, saying that mephone x was after him, only for his account to be seemingly gone or empty? there's no way adam simply quit twitter because he ended his line of work. it's a thing that happens, but i dont think this is that. most of adam's characters in the show died before the plug was pulled. is that a direct reference? i don't know.

as of october 15th, adam seemingly returned to twitter, but instead as the robot from ii17. why would they bring him back suddenly, why would they make this teaser? there's no real, legitimate explanation in my eyes... other than them maybe just wanting to torture us. that, however, is not the point.

continuing on adam robot twitter thing, on his twitter / x profile / status, (idk what it's called i don't use twitter / x,) it says, "Loading a large amount of files... / Estimated wait tim: 2880 minutes, 0 seconds". that directly translates to two days. we're heavily likely to get the true final episode or the trailer of such of ii2 in 2 days.

update for the above. on october 18th, around 3pm EST, a code to decipher was posted. someone in the comments of the twitter / x post said that it was "you seek to know the true reason for such a tragic second season if you decide you want to show more there may be something to restore see .com/insert code". (credits to @\NickleBFDIA2012 on twitter/x !!) we, the viewers might be bringing the show back.

connecting to that, more hints have already been found. there was a code on cabby's wiki that is decoded to “You want the second key word? These pages are your answer. Next, go to the three time player with the lowest average placement." (credits to @\MeesterTweester on twitter/x !!) this brought the fandom to nickel (i believe), and im not quite sure what it says.

however, i do know one thing. it's been solved, and my theory was proven true.

we will be getting episode 18 of inanimate insanity by late november.

[ivomartins]

I see many people consider Dmitry a redflag LI but to me he's a morally grey character: he finds a strange girl amidst the rift and assigns her a place in the squad instead of, you know, just taking Lane hostage when she's made it clear she's pursuing her own goals and only compels to the squad's decisions because she has to.

I understand why the interrogation episode is icky for many people but for me the devil is in details: Dmitry stops the interrogation because he doesn't want to hurt Lane further, and the whole situation can be seen as a necessary evil from the squad's pov, given Lane's actions. And at the same time, Lane doesn't deserve that shit either: she's all alone in a trust-no-one situation, and now she sees very clearly that the squad is not her friends.

To me that's what moral greyness is: different interpretations of the situation, when you can see motivation of both parties without whitewashing them.

Dmitry's conversation about turning your weakness into your strength adds another facet to his character, just like the stolen babushka gift 😭. I love the way Alexandra shows that he actually cares about Lane through him wanting to give her a chocolate bar or helping her with the work and sacrificing his sleep.

And the soulmatism of their branch is so well done. It's not "your mc is promised to this LI although you'd rather have her killed him in a cold blood" but "yes the situation we found themselves in is fucked up and bleak but at least we have each other because in another universe we'd pass each other by without looking back"

And I love how you can see Dmitry lashing out in the latest episodes, with more and more people in the squad dying, because he's responsible for their lives, he's the leader. And you, as a player, can choose Lane's reaction to his behaviour.

But the thing that truly made me sympathize with him is him telling Lane "It would be sad to lose my humanity while hunting for monsters and become one in other people's eyes. I hope I haven't cross that line yet?.."

That's how you write morally grey characters! 🙌

P.S. His latest CG fucks

i'm shook tbh that some people consider dmitry a red flag LI 😭 like yeah. the interrogation scene was iffy and lane didn't deserve that. but the world has literally gone to shit and this is a man who's been forced by circumstances to blur the lines of his morality for the greater good and the safety of the people around him ??? when we take that and the post-apocalyptic survival-of-the-fittest setting into consideration, plus the fact that lane was sus from day 1 and didn't really make any effort to prove herself trustworthy, the interrogation makes perfect sense

and like you said the morally grey nature to dmitry is the most interesting thing about him especially when it ties into the development of his bond with lane like !!!! with cain there's affinity in their position as outcasts and the apathetic nature they share, suspended above everything, untouched by what otherwise jars everyone else in the squad

but with dmitry their affinity lies in dmitry having a different nature to lane and still being drawn to her despite that, still accepting her to the point where she points a fucking gun at his head and he doesn't even flinch 😭 and doesn't even hold it against her later on like ??? there's so much devotion and unconditional acceptance to it and for me personally as someone who's on the whisper path it's definitely giving "the hero loving the monster and cherishing their blood-soaked hands" kinda dynamic

like it's "human" organic soulmatism like you called it, to balance out the otherworldly ambiguous soulmatism with cain. ugh i can't enough of it

i also love how he's been lashing out too and that not even lane has been exempt from that because he's just under that much pressure. i just adore how every single character has been written with their own role to play in the story, completely independent from lane, and they all get to develop just as much as she does as the story goes on 🥹

(and yes his cgs have been superior, even to cain, since day 1. i will die on that hill)

[youkaigakkou-tl]

The TRUTH behind the soul pieces

Preamble: I started writing this expecting nothing, but I actually found something??? not clickbait???? gone right???

Warning: the expected reaction of reading this is “damn. I’ve never seen someone grasp harder at straws” and “I dunno about this one chief”

So. "The soul pieces aren't exactly what we're told they are" is an idea I've had for a while now. (I wouldn’t even call it a theory, it’s just a passing thought.) Not that "they're manifestations of Haruaki's traits" is wrong, but I think there's more to them than immediately obvious. I just haven't talked about this much because even I don't fully buy into it and it kinda verges on horoscope-type confirmation bias territory. It’s kind of a, I THINK there’s more to it but I don’t know what exactly is more.

A brief recap

First one shown is his "worldly desires", animal trio vs Seiryuu.

Second is his "freak athleticism", that Kurahashi's team and Ebisu just ran into.

With just these two he runs off to find Sano

Third is his "cowardice", found by Sano's team and Byakko, which gets away and hides in Sano's pocket.

Fourth is his "memory", originally found by Hijita's team and Genbu, which gets picked up by Genbu and then the whole Heian flashback happens.

And last is his "intelligence", which for some reason is also the one that can use his exorcism power.

So immediately a couple details stood out to me.

Why is "memory" here?? I wouldn't call that a trait exactly??

Also, when it first broke apart and flew off in five directions, it's specifically pointed out that it's "like a five pointed star" (even though it's not really if you look at the actual locations on a map lol)

And the sticking point, if it was as clean and simple a split as “Haruaki’s traits”, why do the traits bleed into each other? “Athleticism” is into sailor uniforms too, and “Cowardice” and “Intelligence” are pretty quick by themselves. Also, even without his “Memory” at the time, he remembered that conversation with Seimei in ch87.

The five pointed star detail, considering everything in the arc heavily relates to the Four Gods and Seimei's star, which relates to Wuxing, almost begs to be referencing that too.

What is Wuxing?

Wuxing, five elements, five phases, gogyo, whatever other name for it: I’ve talked about it briefly in my Kyoto arc analysis

(Wait. Is this actually all I mentioned regarding Wuxing in that analysis???? This tells you nothing!!)

(Tbh I think I had a longer explanation about it but I cut it because I thought it was irrelevant)

Wuxing 五行, roughly translated as five elements or phases, is a concept that comes from Taoism. The five elements are Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water and describes the interactions between them. Here’s the wikipedia page if you really want to get into the details.

The “xing” means movements/moving, and the entire concept of Wuxing comes from the five classical planets’ (Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn) movements affecting… things? In general? (It’s horoscopes)

In fact, the names of those five planets in Chinese and Japanese are tied with the Wuxing:

Mercury = 水星 water star

Venus = 金星 metal/gold star

Mars = 火星 fire star

Jupiter = 木星 wood star

Saturn = 土星 earth star

You’re taught these as a kid but not the reasoning behind it (because it’s hella irrelevant lmao) but I guess it kinda makes instinctual sense? (Venus = yellow, Mars = red, Jupiter = stripes, like tree rings?? Saturn = brown. Mercury = it looks like there’s rivers? idk how much detail they were seeing in the BC times)

And just to sate curiosity, the planets that were discovered after telescopes were invented are just based off the English names

Uranus = 天王星 sky god star

Neptune = 海王星 sea god star

Pluto = 冥王星 underworld god star

By the way, this is also why the days of the week are named after elements in Japanese; it’s not actually the elements, rather it’s referring to the celestial bodies: those 5 planets + the moon and the sun. It’s the classical Chinese system that Japan adopted around the 5th century AD, and they haven’t changed it since then. (Chinese uses stuff like “weekday 1” for monday now.) And China itself adopted the Greco-Roman system of the 7 day week, days named after celestial bodies around the 4th century AD, which is also why the planets and days line up if you look at the English and Japanese names now.

Would be crazy if they independently decided to have 7 days in a week and name days after celestial bodies and assigned the same planets to the days huh.

(Also, TIL from looking at this chart that the sun (taiyang) is indeed called that because it’s the “great yang star”, and the moon is called the “great yin star”, you know, like yin-yang)

I’m remembering why it’s so hard to research and write about this stuff now. Everything is so inextricably connected to everything else its hard to talk about one thing in isolation. Thanks for indulging my astronomy tangent I love astronomy.

(I always got saturn on da mind when I think about Seimei cus of this art…)

The only useful part of this essay

So. Wuxing. Here’s a pretty standard diagram of it so it’s easier to visualise

There are five types of processes Wuxing describes:

Generating: Wood feeds fire

The reverse side of generating: Fire burns wood

Regulating: Wood grasps earth

Excessive regulating (destruction): Wood depletes earth

The reverse side of regulation (exhaustion): Earth rots wood

And here’s a full list of it, from wikipedia

With this in mind, you’ll notice that it pops up all over the place in Kyoto arc!

If we take lightning as aligned with metal (because Byakko = metal = lightning user), this is the regulating interaction of metal -> wood

Metal cuts wood, but wood also dulls metal

Water… nourishing wood….???

Water destabilizes earth

(“This is just pokemon lol” WRONG!! Pokemon types and every other element system in videogames came from Wuxing!! (Or Godai))

Back to the soul pieces

So you see, it’s incredibly tempting to connect the five soul pieces with the five elements of Wuxing. It’s basically begging for it. The Wuxing has been associated with lots of things that come in sets of five, including things like senses, tastes, smells, emotions, mental qualities, periods of one’s life, body parts. It has applications in divination and traditional chinese medicine after all. If there was a clear, 1-to-1 match between the soul pieces and the elements, you bet I would have talked about it more by now. But the connections are tenuous at best, and even I don’t really believe it. They might, probably, just be the traits we’re told they are. So this really is just to humor myself, and maybe someone can glean something more from this.

Let’s lay out the things surrounding the soul pieces:

“Desires” was at Arashiyama (a bamboo forest) and Seiryuu was present, both associated with Wood

“Athleticism” was at Ginkaku-ji (silver pavilion), none of the four gods were present, no obvious element associations here.

“Cowardice” was at Mount Kurama (mountain = earth?), Byakko was present (metal?)

“Memory” was at Kiyomizu-dera (clear water temple), and Genbu was present, water association

“Intelligence” was at Kinkaku-ji (gold pavilion), and none of the four gods were present initially. (gold = metal?)

The other thing I’ve yet to mention is all the soul pieces seem to be of different points in Haruaki’s life. (Well. Four of them at least.)

“Desires” and “Athletics” seem to look and act younger (as much as you can tell with chibis…), both wearing simple t-shirts, and “Athletics” t-shirt and shorts look like what Haruaki wore as a kid in the Miki arc flashback. Adding on to that, we’re constantly told how into sailor uniforms Haruaki was as a little kid (literally whenever his childhood gets brought up: Mamaaki talking about it in ch8, him saying his first cry as a newborn was “sailor uniform” in ch43, the ch51.5 extra) (ok to be fair. his sailor uniform fetish gets brought up at every opportunity. but i feel like it’s Pretty emphasized here) Also I feel like “Desires” especially talks like a kid.

Meanwhile “Cowardice” and “Memory” are dressed the way he currently does, and “Cowardice” seems to parallel the way Haruaki was at the start of the series. It’s Sano’s team that runs into him, he acts like how Haruaki did early on just amped way up, and he ends up hiding on Sano.

IQ-kun… still don’t know what to make of him and how he fits into this lol

Put like this, doesn’t it almost seem like, in the order they appear, they represent points in Haruaki’s life too?

Or, this could all be nothing, because they’re all wearing the same thing in the jacket for Volume 14.

So anyway, from this angle, it seems like Desires and Athletics line up fairly cleanly with Wood and Fire respectively, but Cowardice, Memory and Intelligence are a little murkier. Cowardice only somewhat lines up with Earth, and both Memory and Intelligence could align with Water, while Memory could also be Metal. (I dropped the quotation marks bc they were getting distracting)

Here’s a diagram to illustrate.

(See it’s kinda, pick-and-choosey, horoscope-type shit)

Immediately a couple problems arise. First and most majorly is the horoscopey-ness of it all. And then there’s the matter that, if the four gods represent four out of five of the elements and earth is the outlier, wouldn’t it also make sense if IQ-kun as the outlier would be assigned that?

There’s also the possibility that the first four are a set, and IQ-kun makes up the “yin” to the rest of Haruaki’s “yang” (But then what would the first four correspond to individually? idk….)

We’re getting nowhere with this analogy, so let’s look at some adjacent philosophies in sets of five, just for fun, and see if they line up any better.

Traditional Chinese Medicine

This one is the most related to Wuxing, there are five main “organs” in TCM that have associated Wuxing elements. They might be called the same names as the anatomical organs, but they’re actually more like concepts only roughly correlated with locations on the body. This is stuff codified thousands of years ago before modern knowledge of the human body, mind you.

Heart (fire): stores the “aggregate soul” (the mind)

Spleen (earth): governs transportation of qi and blood, and governs muscles and limbs

Lung (metal): stores the “po 魄” (physical soul)

Kidney (water): responsible for willpower or fear

Liver (wood): governs free flow of qi, blood and emotions. Stores blood, which stores the “hun 魂” (ethereal soul)

(The wikipedia page I linked has more in depth descriptions)

And if we sorta line up the attributes…

Desires = Liver/wood

Athleticism = Spleen/earth

Cowardice = Kidney/water

Memory = Lung/metal

Intelligence = Heart/fire

Something like this? It doesn’t line up particularly nicely either, and certainly doesn’t line up with the first theory…

But reading up on this actually brought something useful to my attention: the concept of “hun” and “po”

See, there’s this Chinese compound word “hun po 魂魄” that generally just means “soul”, but if you get really semantic they’re two different types of souls?

The “hun” is the yang-aligned “ethereal soul” typically understood as the wits/mind of a person, whatever constitutes the personality, and is the part of the soul that leaves the body on death.

The “po” is the yin-aligned “physical soul”, sometimes described as the “baser animal spirit” of a person, and is attached to the body.

This could explain why Haruaki’s soul is also Seimei’s soul, but also Seimei is in the underworld?

This scene I got real hung up about in my Kyoto arc post?

It lining up and being a reasonable explanation is one thing, but whether sensei is deliberately referencing a property of Chinese linguistics that doesn’t have an equivalent in Japanese kanji is another thing. And honestly, I could see Tanaka “I’ll have to read up on Chinese history, but off the top of my head Byakko and Seiryuu are from 4000BC and Suzaku and Genbu are younger” Mai could and would do it. (Good god, what I wouldn’t give to see sensei’s notes. Yohaji fanbook explaining every cultural reference PLEASEEEE IM BEGGINGGG)

Godai

Godai (“the five great (elements)”), while also a thing with five elements that features prominently in Japanese culture, differs from Wuxing in that it originates from the concept of Mahābhūta in Indian Buddhism, and features Fire, Water, Earth, Wind and Void. It’s a more inert definition and describes the elements as building blocks, contrasting with Wuxing which is more concerned with the balancing and interaction between the elements and the changes they cause in each other.

Godai also isn’t ever depicted as a star (and Wuxing is only depicted as a star as a byproduct of all the arrows denoting the interactions, sometimes the 5 elements are arranged like the 5 side of a dice with lines connecting everything) and is typically depicted as a Gorinto, a stone structure.

In order from top to bottom, it goes Void, Wind, Fire, Water, Earth, and represents the structure of the universe in Buddhism.

So. Attributes and if they line up any better.

Earth: unmoving, stability

Water: fluidity, adaptability, motion

Fire: passion, power, energy

Wind: growth, freedom

Void: the spirit? thought? there’s not really a clear description of this one. To begin with, originally in Buddhism, it’s just said that “from void emerged air, from air emerged fire, (etc)”

I could see wind = Memory and void = Intelligence, but the rest… I dunno man

The five aggregates in Buddhism

And now, following the thread back from Godai, to the Buddhist concept of Skandhas, or the “five aggregates of clinging”, described as the five factors that make up a sentient being’s personality. (Hey, this sounds like it could be onto something here!)

The five aggregates are:

Form or matter: the material form of a person

Sensation or feeling: the five senses + intellectual sensation, and the feelings that occur whether pleasant, unpleasant or neutral

Perception: cognition and recognizing what has been previously noted

Mental formations: dispositions, or something that motivates a person to take action (or sometimes described as the influences of a previous life?!)

Consciousness: cognizance, or the base that supports experience, sometimes translated as mind, intelligence or life force

Wait… This kinda… lines up…? No way…?

Form = Athleticism

Sensation = Cowardice

Perception = Memory

Mental formations = Desires

Consciousness = Intelligence

This… kinda works? They all basically line up and it’s not too tenuous, and there’s enough matching details in the descriptions of the five aggregates that it’s kinda scary…?

I’ll be real, prior to writing this section I hadn’t actually read the descriptions of each of them too carefully (I had the tab open and roughly noted the descriptions kinda worked) and I entirely expected to end this essay with a “in conclusion: no conclusion i learned nothing lol” but there’s actually something here????

And Tanaka Mai is known to reference Buddhism a lot, so this could entirely be intentional…??? I’m kinda shaken rn tbh

I mean, I guess I should have looked to Buddhism first considering sensei’s track record, what with how the arc opened with Haruaki getting put under a waterfall to get rid of his worldly desires, and how 3 out of 5 locations were Buddhist temples, but Buddhism concepts usually use their Sanskrit names and I don’t know how to google for that… (making excuses. classic)

Um. Hope you enjoyed reading this and that you learned something? Here’s all the relevant wikipedia pages if you want to go down your own rabbit hole:

Wuxing (Chinese five elements)

Godai (Japanese Buddhism five elements)

Mahābhūta (Indian Buddhism five elements)

Hun and po (two concepts of souls)

Skandha (five aggregates that make up a person)

Twelve Nidanas (didn’t mention this one, but it’s related to skandhas)

If you read all this you should read all my other long rambly things too if you haven’t, they’re all under the #rambles tag 👍

[allwormdiet]

Agitation 3.11

The problems involving this motherfucking bank are no longer limited to the exterior of said motherfucking bank

It has to be fucking alarming for your power to stop working for you when you're so used to it as a part of yourself. Can't even imagine.

God the tension here is good. Amy's not much of a fighter, sure, not even compared to Taylor, but Taylor's making her feel like she's dying rn

Do people really paint Amy as some kind of suffering angel? Like I get that she's suffered, sure, she's a parahuman and the least-favorite child of New Wave and yadda yadda, but she's fucking mean. And honestly between her and her sister I get the impression that New Wave is uhh, not too big on treating criminals like they have human rights? Which isn't at all concerning when one of them is a lawyer.

...Man how do I get worse vibes off of New Wave than the Protectorate, I'm basically never on the side of government superheroes

You can't fool me Victoria Dallon, I know you practiced that landing

Also Jesus that's a lot of damage, couldn't you have just gone through one of the windows that broke already? Kid Win made that hole for nothing.

I know Amy doesn't do this (yet) but the fact that this is the first thing she threatens to do to a villain with a knife to her throat is fucking insane

Are the Dallons actually trained in hostage negotiation and conflict de-escalation? I hope they're not because otherwise I'd have a lot of really pressing and mean questions for their trainers

Also fucked up that Amy's threats involve destroying Taylor's sense of taste, giving her fatal diseases, or *checks notes* making her really really fat, what the hell girl

Hey Tattletale, love you Tattletale, please for the love of god be careful Tattletale

So people have written Tattletale and Glory Girl punching each other with their lips, right? If I'm picking up on some kismesis vibes there's no way other people haven't picked up kismesis vibes

(Sit. Stay. Good girl. Oh my god.)

Interesting that Tattletale seems willing to call Amy's bluff here, though I'm not sure how safe that is

Tattletale: you should know better than to make me monologue about something that'll help you

Glory Girl: yeah I know

Tattletale: but I'm gonna answer your question anyhow

Glory Girl:

Victoria continues to be a huge fucking nerd

Tattletale continues to be outrageously smug and also, tbh, isn't entirely wrong about the expectations of superpowers. She's lying like a rug of course but how should they know that?

Clever! And fucked up. And remarkably powerful on Amy's part, like holy shit. As if the cancer threat wasn't bad enough.

And all the while Tattletale is fucking up Panacea's play with nothing but a laser pointer, with GG too distracted by proving her wrong to realize it

Victoria what the fuck

I'm gonna try to be generous and chalk this up to being written in 2011, but hollllly shit this doesn't reflect well on the character or author

Current Thoughts

Okay so I'm not gonna dwell on the slur, much as I'd love to, let's just leave that one on the side

I find it fascinating that GG considers New Wave immune to the threat of dirty secrets, especially the part about "full transparency." We just saw her nearly kill a suspect on accident and then guilt trip Panacea into healing her to prevent a black mark on the team's record. Like maybe she theoretically believes that stuff as long as she doesn't think too hard about it, but this is absolutely hypocrisy on her part

Victoria and Amy both are just. Really showing their best selves in this arc. I'm not going to act like they're both monsters, they're not. As previously mentioned, they're teenagers in an extremely high-stress situation. Amy's got a knife to her throat and Victoria is extremely protective of her sister and they're facing down two relatively unknown villains on their own

...which I think just points more to the fact that they shouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Amy obviously didn't have much say about whether she'd be a hostage but she definitely didn't have to pick a fight with the villains who had lethally venomous spiders on all the hostages. Victoria, on the other hand, absolutely did not think about what she was doing before doing it, and punched a hole in the roof of what's probably an expensive-ass building in the doing. Is she gonna pay for that? Her millionaire boyfriend?

Next time: Tattletale proves she's the most dangerous Undersider, and nobody regrets this at all

[graendoll]

I'm almost through season 6 of the queer EMT show and I have a couple of thoughts I really need to get off my chest.

Before I dive in I want to share an observation. It feels like there are two tiers of main ensemble cast and I'm basing this on the character development of each of them. Tier 1 feels like its Bobby, Buck and Maddie who have gone through the most dramatic character arcs, while tier 2 is Athena, Hen, and Eddie. I can't decide which group Chim is in tbh and this is hardly scientific so...

The point of all that is that everything else I'm going to say is based off my observation that Buck is more fleshed out and developed as a character than Eddie.

So now to the point!

First, Buck absolutely adores Eddie. Like is definitely 100% in love with the man. I'm only on episode 14 of season 6 so I haven't even gotten to the onscreen bi realization or the coming out scene outside of gifs on this here hell site. But currently, the way Buck looks at Eddie is so fucking heart eyed its ridiculous.

The hysteria when Eddie is in danger - the screaming at the mudslide, the absolute hard reboot at the shooting? Buck is completely beside himself at the idea of losing Eddie. He literally cries on Christopher's shoulder at the thought of losing him and Chris losing his dad.

This is not standard BFF behavior, I'm sorry.

And don't even get me started on the couch metaphor...I have too much to say about that to include it here.

But what I do want to talk about is the coma episode. Because I feel like that episode was a purposeful "no-homo" episode and here's why:

Buck is in an alternate universe and runs to Hen and Chim, sees Maddie and Bobby. But Eddie is literally just referenced once as "the angry guy" and his contribution to the entire episode is to bring Christopher to see Buck while hes unconscious. Which is weird!

Yes, Eddie rescued Buck and yes he tells the medical team to do better than their best, but compared to Buck literally hauling Eddie's limp body into an ambulance? It's a pretty vanilla response.

And then he doesn't show up in alternate Bucks reality. This is, i believe, one part writers trying to no homo the thing and one part writers implying that Eddie and Chris are a replacement for Bucks "real family" which undermines the entire guardian arc in a very weird way. So it definitely seems, during s6 at least, that Buddie was flat out not happening (again...I'm on e14 only).

So if Buck is in love with Eddie through narrative and acting choices (based on recent PR from Oliver S implying hes lowkey played Buck queer) where is Eddie at? What gives?

I'll tell you what gives.

Eddie is the most repressed motherfucker on the planet. Eddie goes to a call involving a vibrator getting stuck in a woman and he barely clocks that's what's happening.

This man has only had missionary sex for the purpose of baby making and it shows. I have definitely HC'd that Eddie is demi but he's also just locked down so tight. No wonder he spent a whole season beating the crap out of random strangers in illegal fights!

So, what's my point?

My POINT is this. Eddie may be queer underneath all that repression, but he has no idea. None. Zero. Zip. Eddie thinks he can't find a wife and mother for Christopher because he's BROKEN, not because he's maybe just not that into women.

And yes, Buck coming out might give him a clue. Tommy being gay might show him something he hasn't really seen in terms of what a gay man looks like. But that Catholic guilt ridden man has a LONG way to go before he will confess to the fact that he wifed up his bisexual BFF because of non-platonic reasons.

We'll see how the story pans out. But anyone who thinks season 7 is going to end in a Buddie romance is likely incredibly wrong. I mean I haven't seen the episodes yet. So give me a week. But it seems unlikely. Eddie's character is in a very different place than Buck.

Doesn't mean these two don't live together in marital bliss rent free in my head though 😜

[xxlady-lunaxx]

I couldn't, I thought I would lose you too... | {MasaNemi/SaneKana/SaneGiyuu}

Theme:Fluff, Angst, Fluff, repeat ✨ (No because there was more angst than I thought there would be)

Note: Yk, I don't have any pictures with all three of these ships ofc so It's just Nemi up there❤ Also goddamn the title is long as fuck 🥲 Btw, sorry if I don't get Masachika's personality right, I don't know much about him and haven't read a single fanfic with him in it so.. yeah, sorry in advance 😭

This oneshot has lots of spoilers for no real reason except it give it more action tbh 💀

[Slightly gone through and edited] 

When Sanemi met Masachika, he knew there was something different about him. Though Masachika was just an ordinary demon slayer who Sanemi had shouted at, the two ended up bonding rather quickly, despite their contrasting personalities.

Masachika was one of the few—or rather, the only—who was able to calm Sanemi. They grew closer the more time they spent together, doing nearly everything aside the other. After passing final selection together, the two's feelings for each other pushed past friendship, crossing the line between friendly to romantic. Sanemi ended up being the first to express himself, though more on accident, when Masachika had gotten hurt on one of his solo missions. He'd been frantic when he heard this and rushed to Masachika's side. Luckily, his injury hadn't been deep enough to be fatal, though the spot where the wound was had been was dangerously close to his heart.

Then was when Sanemi had told Masachika how he'd felt. He'd not even realized it until Masachika took his hands and said he felt the same. Sanemi had been so worried, his own heart pounding in his ears as he'd shouted, "You fucking bastard! You have to be more careful!! The other people were far behind you, you had abolutely no fucking right to put yourself in such a fatal position and nearly get yourself killed! I can't fucking lose you, I love you and if you do go I won't be able to live!!"

Masachika, though weak from the wound, had heard this and smiled. It was clear that Sanemi hadn't even realized he'd said the words himself, but that they were very much true. He held Sanemi's hands in his and said, sweetly, soft, "Sanemi. I live for you, and you alone. I wouldn't leave you if I had a choice, I love you as well."

Those words brought Sanemi's head to clear. He shook, still, from the fear that had coursed through him when he'd heard that Masachika had been badly injured, but also from.. from a sort of contentment. Or relief. As the words sunk in, he realized what they really meant and his eyes opened wide, staring at the pale face of the one person he wanted to call his lover. He wrapped Masachika in his arms and bit back tears, cradling the one he loved in his embrace.

Since then, before each mission they had, the two swore they would never forget the other, knowing that this mission might as well be their last. Before this, before when their love was only friendship, they only expressed the hope of the other's safety. Now they would hug the other tightly as they said their goodbye's, hoping that it wouldn't be the last. 

So again, when the crow came down and shouted their orders of a new mission, they were quick to get ready. Even on their joint missions, they said goodbye, because who knew if one might die, or if both, or none. They couldn't know. 

Masachika prepared himself by making sure his katana was in place and Sanemi got the two some water before they headed off. Both stared at each other for a second, then Sanemi mumbled, "Masachika? I have a bad feeling about this mission."

Masachika laughed, though nothing about this was humorous. "You always say that, who's to say this one will be different? Don't make yourself worry, Nemi, we'll get through it as we always do. And even if we don't, you know I'll love you through anything, okay?" He hugged his lover tightly, and Sanemi wrapped his arms around Masachika. 

That may be true, it may be just paranoia, but Sanemi felt a sickening feeling that this might be the last time he and Masachika could talk safely—or as safe as they could ever be—ever. He breathed in deeply Masachika's scent, a comforting smell, something he always associated with love. He let go of Masachika and said, "Nevertheless.. Please be careful, I don't want to lose you. Okay?" Then, though a little begrudgingly because he always felt these words were a little cringy sometimes, he added, "I love you too." He turned away abruptly, marching on his way towards the mission. Masachika followed with a teasing grin playing on his face.

~~~

He should've been more careful. He should've pushed Masachika away when he'd seen the demon lunge. But Masachika had said to prioritize the bystander's life over Masachika's and he had to. Because that's what being a demon slayer meant. Choose one or the other. He'd.. he'd mistakenly chosen the bystander's. The stranger hadn't even been in danger so pressing that he wouldn't get there on time if he had protected Masachika first. But it was done in a flash. Sanemi watched right before his eyes his lover, falling, blood, shouting. Sanemi was quick, then, shooting forward and cutting the demon's head off. Masachika did the best he could to help, his katana gripped tightly in his hand. The demon had been a Lowermoon. Too strong for Masachika alone, who had already been injured from one of the other demons who had paired up with the Lowermoon. 

Sanemi fell to the ground, his arms around Masachika. He shouted, his voice emitting noises he couldn't comprehend. Then he heard Masachika, his voice thin, weak. "Sa..nemi.. Don't w..worry about m..me.. Pleas..e.. Just move.. move on.. You can't.. save me.. now.." he was whispering.

"No, no! I'll help! I.. I learned a little about healing once! I can save you! Just don't die! Don't close your eyes! Please! Please don't.. don't leave me," Sanemi choked out. "I love you," he whispered, the words more urgent now. "Please, please, I love you, Masachika.."

Masachika's mouth twisted into a smile. And, though it was forced through the pain, it looked so sweet it broke Sanemi's heart. "I love you too, Sanemi," he said, sighing gently against Sanemi's arms. Blood was spilling out of whatever wounds he'd acquired from the demon as his eyes fluttered close. Sanemi shook his head desperately, but he knew it was useless. He really couldn't do anything for Masachika. Nothing.

He pressed his lips gently onto Masachika who, with his last strength, kissed back. His muscles, previously tensed, instinctively trying to stop the blood, loosened, and Masachika was gone. Dead. 

Sanemi whimpered, tears pouring down his face. He couldn't bear this. He didn't want this. Why.. why Masachika. Why..! 

~~~

He became a Hashira. Masachika would've as well if he'd survived, but he didn't. So now it was just Sanemi. Sanemi, alone, broken, and a fucking Hashira. He was greeted by this 'Ubuyashiki' whom they called Oyakata-Sama. Why must he bow? To this fragile, delicate, useless man?! After his lover, his best friend, the one person who understood him, had died.. How. Why. 

But Kagaya knew Masachika. Somehow. He.. he gave Sanemi Masachika's will. It was somewhat heartbreaking to read, and he didn't object to anything else Kagaya said. 

He met the other Hashira. Gyomei Himejima, Kanae Kocho, Tengen Uzui, and Giyuu Tomioka. There weren't many but of course it wasn't easy to aquire many people who met the expectations of being a Hashira. Apparently there was another, Shinjuro Rengoku, who was, from what he knew, mourning his wife and didn't want to attend the meeting. 

He kept his distnce from all Hashira and jut went by his missions numbly, as if he was on autopilot. This didn't go on for long, though, because Kanae Kocho had caught an interest on him. She would follow him around a lot more than he was comfortable with, and she would comment on every little detail on him, around them, or just anything.

He might one day escape her but she would always find him again. By the end of the week, he already knew how she'd become a demon slayer, her family, including an adopted sister, where she lived, what her sister expertised in, what she was best at, her hobbies, about 50 different types of flowers, several more types of plants, how to best grow them, the pace the clouds were moving on Wednesday, her own weather predictions, where she tended to have her missions at, her crow's name, and the exact curve of the scars on his face.

He was, as you might expect, rather overwhelmed by all of this, something Kanae hadn't noticed yet. One day, however, he began to see Kanae in a different light. She'd found him one afternoon and had sat next to him. As usual, she went off with her usual chatter and he tuned her out, focusing on a tree off in the distance. But then her face popped up in front of him and he jolted back, surprised. She had laughed then said, "Shinazugawa, look! I found this flower that reminds me of you. It's white and purple, purple as in your eyes and white as in your hair! It's really pretty, too. But it has a fierce sort of look, so it really suits you." She'd smiled then and showed Sanemi the flower. He only studied it for a second before she promptly tucked it behind Sanemi's ear and her smile widened in amusement. "It looks lovely on you."

This little action had surprised Sanemi, somehow. As if he'd been blind all this time but when she did this, smiling and showing him the flower, reciting what kind it was, he'd gained the sense of sight. Like he'd opened his eyes for the first time and saw, actually saw this girl in front of him. 

He didn't understand. Had Kanae done something different with her hair? Was she in a better mood today? No, she was the same. Maybe it was Sanemi. Maybe Sanemi had.. had acquired something new and he had to figure it out.

It didn't take long for him to find out what it was, though, because he'd felt this way before. Except this time, the feeling came a bit more suddenly. Not quite as gradually as before. Love. He was beginning to love Kanae. 

But why? He still loved Masachika, though he knew that he should move on. But what was so different about her? Her... her energy. It was so wonderfully active and sweet, like Masachika. Except Kanae had always been like this, so it couldn't be his lingering feelings for his fallen lover making him think of Kanae as him. It had to be something else. Or maybe it wasn't anything in particular, it was just.. just her. Kanae.

He didn't want to move on, though. He wanted to be loyal to his promise of loving Masachika forever. But.. but he liked Kanae. More than he wanted to supress. He.. could protect her better than he had with Masachika. Yes, yes he would do that. Who said you couldn't love two people at once? He would never get Masachika back until the day he died, and he was still being true to his word, so.. so loving Kanae would be almost freeing. It would soothe his broken heart in a way he would be truly loving someone else and moving on. Moving on in a way that he could do what Masachika wished for him and still be loyal to Masachika. 

Sanemi never told Kanae, straight up, that he loved her. Kanae had said she loved Sanemi equally, only knowing though not because he'd said that he'd loved her and she loved him. She had for a while, but Sanemi had never caught on. They dated, but their affection came mostly through actions because it was easier for Sanemi to handle. Kanae was great with words though. She could bring the most ordinary, boring words to the most wonderful sounds to Sanemi's ears. She held Sanemi together and in her arms and was Sanemi's comfort.

A month or so into their relationship, Sanemi realized he should tell Kanae that he loved her. He'd held back for so long, still holding onto the small part of him who wouldn't let go of Masachika enough to say so. But he felt he was brave enough to do so now, so he would try. The way he'd confessed to Kanae had been by kissing her. He never told her that he loved her, though she knew that he did, so he never felt he had to say it. But now he thought it wasn't fair to her because she would constantly tell him her love for him so he wanted to say it back.

Kanae was on a mission, currently, so he would tell her when she got back. Sanemi slept that night rather peacefully, for he had finished his own mission early, but he woke up in distress. Though he had no idea why. He got up and noticed that the sun was just now rising, so he went to the butterfly mansion to wait for Kanae to return. Shinobu, Kanae's younger sister, he recognized, came back. She was in tears and he thought none of it until he noticed the Kakushi behind her, supporting a body. A familiar one. Kanae's.

Dread pushed him up and to his feet, running to Shinobu, panicked. "Ka.. Kanae.. I.. What happened," Sanemi breathed, quickly scrambling down the steps and to Shinobu and the Kakushi. 

Shinobu looked away and the Kakushi did nothing but give Sanemi a grim look. Sanemi shook his head, again, his panic filling his body and overwhelming him, trying to force his way out. He put his hand to his stomach, his shock and pain, though none of it physical, had him trying not to vomit. He clenched his fists and bit back tears as he stared at Kanae's body, draped over the Kakushi's back, lifeless, dead. 

The word rang through his mind, over and over. Dead. Kanae. She was dead. She.. dead.. All over again. Just like Masachika. He couldn't bear this. Not another.. not another death. His.. he loved her. So.. So much. And yet she was taken away from him. Just like Masachika had been. Everyone he loved was falling before his eyes. He didn't want this. He couldn't fucking take it anymore.

Sanemi fell to his knees and ripped at his hair in anger. He shouted out in desperation and it hot tears poured down his cheeks. He was angry. He was shocked. He was so desperately in need of someone, anyone, who might love him, who might care for him, who wouldn't die. He was crying, shouting, ripping at his own skin. Why. What the fuck did he ever do? His family, dead. Masachika, dead. Kanae, dead. Who was next? WHO THE FUCK WAS NEXT?

He felt a gentle hand on his back, and for a hopeful second he thought it was Kanae, about to scoop him up in her arms and cradle him lovingly. But then he looked up and saw Shinobu, her pitiful gaze upon him. He backed away. He didn't want her pity. He didn't want Shinobu, the girl who was the one he just lost's sister. The one who had also lost someone. He was being selfish. Shinobu had lost someone as well. But had Sanemi ever given a fuck about Shinobu? No. He would go, leave, somewhere where Kanae's lifeless form didn't lay hovering near him. Somewhere where he could grieve over her without the pitying eyes of someone who had also lost her. Somewhere where he could be as selfish as he wanted to be, somewhere where he could tear himself inside out until he was nothing. 

Sanemi got up and ran. He ran, his hands closed so tightly blood pricked from under his fingers. Pain. Pain would distract him from this. All of this. 

He enclosed himself in his house, slamming the door and breathing heavily. He gripped onto the handle for a minute, unable to move. Then he slid down the door, his body on the floor, limp. He cried. He cried because he'd lost Kanae. He cried because he'd never truly told her he loved her. He cried because he'd lost Masachika. He cried because he could. Because he could let out his pain now, here, by himself, alone, in the form of tears. Water. He cried because he was so fucking useless. He cried because he hadn't protected anyone. Because he had failed. Again, again, and again. No matter how many times he'd sworn to protect, he failed once again. He poured his heart out and his hands gripped his arms, scratching lines into his skin. He stayed there for a very long time, unwilling to move until it all ended. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would cry himself dead. Because he deserved hell right now. For failing to protect the people he'd sworn to never let die.

~~~

Sanemi was a mess the next few months. He was either very loud and violent or quiet and ignorant. He avoided most people and spoke only in shouts. One day, he ventured to a training area and found Giyuu, who was training in hand-to-hand combat, his katana kept on his belt. Sanemi watched for a beat then walked over, moving to put down his waterbottle to the side. Giyuu decided right then to kick and only just noticed Sanemi walking. Giyuu managed to rectract his leg so it wouldn't hit Sanemi but it sliced the waterbottle in half instead and water went splashing over the two of them.

Giyuu spluttered and stumbled back, wiping at his face. He mumbled a quick sorry, preparing for the shouting that... never came. Sanemi was staring at him and Giyuu was confused.

Sanemi felt his head clear for a moment. For the first time in months. He blinked. Giyuu looked.. kind of, maybe, a little, well, yes, but no, he.. he looked somewhat pretty. His wet hair framing his face, his eyes blue and clear and wonderful, and.. and just him. 

Sanemi shook his head, water spraying around him. Giyuu stepped back, confused. Then Sanemi was back to normal. He said, "Get the fuck away from me, I'm going to train. And unless you want me to slice your head off you better stay out of my way."

Giyuu nodded and walked away, going to dry himself in the sun. Sanemi watched him until Giyuu was completely out of the training site and then started his own training. He often trained to vent out his feelings, kicking and punching the air, imagining it to be whoever—whatever—kept taking those he loved from him. It often made him cry anyways but at least he could pretend he accidentally grazed his own eye or something. This time, though, he thought about Giyuu. Thought about how Sanemi had felt, seeing Giyuu like this. He rarely paid attention to the Water Hashira who was always only there but never putting himself up front, always hovering somewhere in the back quietly. They had another Hashira meeting soon, he could study Giyuu's behaviour this time. 

~~~

Sanemi watched Giyuu, though he tried to be subtle about it, as he kept his eye on the Water Hashira during the meeting. This time, their meeting began with the arrival of some random demon slayer who appeared to be traveling with a demon. Sanemi had walked in and, figuring the best way to watch Giyuu was continuously calling him out, so he stabbed the demon in the middle of the field and shouted at Giyuu about why he kept staying to the side when it was his fault. 

Sanemi noted how Giyuu kept his back away from everyone, though he seemed as perceptive as ever, and he said little to nothing, no matter how many times people called out to him. He saw overall Giyuu's way of ignoring, but he also noticed the little things. The way Giyuu's eyes flicked towards everyone as they shouted to him, and the way he reacted ever so slightly, his body moving for less than a second as if it had a mind of it's own before Giyuu caught it. Sanemi never realized how much there was to learn about this particular Hashira. 

That's when it struck him how little anybody seemed to know about Giyuu. Nobody knew about his family, or his past, or anything. Everyone at least had a slight idea of the other Hashira's pasts, except Muichiro who had forgotten it—which was very odd but he seemed extremely forgetful anyways—Gyomei who never spoke of it unless asked, but it wasn't something that usually came up, and Obanai who prefered to keep it to himself, though they had a vague idea that Kyojuro's father was involved with his. But those three, except Muichiro of course, all spoke more and were more open. In fact, they didn't even know much about Giyuu's present life, besides the fact that he was a Hashira. It was strange. Could his past be that bad or was he just very distrustful? 

Sanemi continued pondering this as time went by. He would watch Giyuu and eventually the two got used to each other company—though that didn't mean they actually talked. Sanemi found Giyuu was good company when he wanted to be near someone with no questions asked. Everyone else would worry more, talk about nonsense, or just bother Sanemi. For a reason he didn't know, Giyuu didn't bother him anymore. He turned out to be somewhat comforting, though he never said or did anything.

Sanemi and Giyuu started having some conversations eventually, except they were all just one or two sentence conversations, short replies, and then silence. Not an awkward silence, however, but a silence as if to say, We don't have anything to talk about, we're just here because we want to be. Not exactly familiar, more so as neither minded it and felt like the silence would be more fitting than talk.

And then came the feelings. Again. Sanemi couldn't stop them before he realized they were there. He didn't want to fall in love. Not again. Not when everyone else he loved had died. He couldn't bring himself to admit it and shoved them deep down, though he knew he could never make them go away like that.

Months passed in a blur and so suddenly he found himself in the midst of a battle that would be sure to wear him to the bone. Kagaya was dead. A lot of Hashira were sure to die, too. And Muzan. Muzan was there. Muzan was there and Sanemi would fucking grind him to dust for taking away all he'd ever known to love.

He fought almost carelessly, as if he couldn't bear letting himself live but had to fight forward to save people. Everyone. Those who were still alive. Genya.

Genya was gone. Where? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Where was Genya? He had his crow lead him to the nearest Uppermoon. Upper one. And there. Right next to the demon. Genya. Genya, sliced in half, useless, injured. Badly. Sanemi rushed forward, fast. He got there right before the Uppermoon killed Genya. He had to protect Genya. Now.

As he fought, he realized he didn't know where Giyuu was. He was glad, though, because if he hadn't heard anything from the crows about Giyuu that meant he was still okay. Last he heard, Upper three had been killed. Giyuu must've moved on with the Kamado boy to the next demon. 

~~~

Sanemi felt like he would collapse. He was badly injured. And he would let himself collapse if it wasn't for Muichiro and Genya. Gyomei shouted. Shouted words that took him a second to register in his mind. "Don't let Tokito and Genya's lives go to waste!" he had shouted. Genya's? Genya was dead. He.. what.. 

Yet again, Sanemi had failed. He couldn't fucking believe it. He let the tears flow because stopping them would make it harder to fight, more effort he'd have to put in. He sliced at Kokushibo, his anger growing furiously. Why had he let down so many? He had sworn to himself to protect Genya. Not to get close to him, to make him leave the demon slayer corps and fucking take care of himself. So why? Why couldn't he do that? Why, of all people, did Genya have to die? When all he had done was good? When Sanemi should be the one to die. Why the fuck must it be like this?

And then it was over. Kokushibo was gone. Finally. Sanemi was unconscious though. Fighting, swinging his katana in the air, hitting nothing. He slumped against Gyomei's steady arm. 

It wasn't long before he awoke. He awoke and saw his brother crumbling to dust before him. No. No, no, no, no. He couldn't take this. Please. Stop. Help. He needed help. He had to protect Genya. Please. Why him too. Genya wouldn't stop though. He was saying something. Apologizing to Sanemi. Why did he apologize? He did nothing wrong. Nothing. This was all Sanemi's fault. Maybe if he'd let Genya talk to him, maybe then he would've left. 

And then..

And then Genya was gone. He.. gone.. Sanemi clenched his fist around Genya's clothes. All that was left. All that was fucking left.

He rose at Gyomei's command. He would fucking kill Muzan. He would protect the last person he loved. He would protect Giyuu if it was the last thing he would do. 

~~~

Giyuu was already there when Sanemi and Gyomei arrived. Muzan.. Muzan looked different. His aura was horrible. It cut through Sanemi like a knife. Danger. Every one of Sanemi's senses told him to run. Far away and never look back. Which was why he dove right in, slicing Muzan in half—though the demon instantly regenerated. He threw multiple bottles that Muzan instantly crushed. The liquid in them splashed all over Muzan and Sanemi was quick to incinerate him. Fire. Anything to stop Muzan. To save at least one.

Sanemi shoot forward and cut Muzan again and again. He managed to get onto the side Giyuu was and he decided to stay one pace ahead of Giyuu, so he could always protect him. Every Hashira left, fought with all their might. Press him down. Until dawn. Don't allow him to escape. Not now. Not when they were so close. Not when they'd already lost so many.

He barely registered what was happening. Blood, screaming, shouting, pain, ...fight. Fight until your arms fall off then fight with your legs. Fight until you can't move but keep going forward. Fight until all you can do is stand in front of those who can still move. Fight until all you can do is die. Fight to death and don't you dare let your guard down. Don't let everyone down. Don't let it be your fault we lose. Don't let us lose. Fight. Fucking fight.

Sanemi felt his arms would fall, but he gripped tightly onto his katana. Muichiro had managed to hold onto his blade even after his body had been cut in half. Muichiro had been 14. Too young. So young. If Muichiro could do that, Sanemi would push on. Forward. Don't stop.

He saw Gyomei, clashing his weapons together. They turned red, red like the blood Muzan spread so carelessly. Sanemi dashed to Giyuu. He would make their blades turn red by doing what Gyomei had done but with their katanas. And as their blades turned red, Sanemi whispered, "Please.. stay alive." He wasn't even sure if Giyuu had heard, or if he'd imagined this, but he vaguely made out two words that made him stand straighter, stronger, "You too."

They fought. An hour till dawn. Half an hour. Twenty minutes. Sanemi was badly injured. Blood continuously spilled out of his wounds. But he wouldn't lay down and let himself heal. No, not yet. He got up once more. He heard shouting. He saw Tanjiro and Obanai. Then Giyuu. Then Muzan. And the sun. The sun was rising. 

Sanemi shot up, ignoring the pain that dashed through his body with him. He ran towards Muzan and everyone pressed him in. They had to keep him in the sun. 

Then it was over. Muzan was dead. And so were so many other people.

Sanemi blinked, noting he was about to pass out. He turned his head, looking for Giyuu. Right before he blacked out, his eyes met those wonderful blue ones and he smiled ever so slightly. Giyuu was alive.

~~~

It was quiet when Sanemi came back into consciousness, though he could hear someone walking around him. Then a thought occured to him and he sat up straight, forgetting how bad his injuries had been before. He looked around blearily, stifiling a groan as pain shot through his body. Giyuu's arm had been cut off during the fight, was he okay? He blinked several times, trying to make sense of where he was. 

His gaze focused and he saw Aoi, someone who worked at the butterfly mansion, he remembered vaguely. He stayed still, waiting until the pain faded slightly then said, "How long have I been out?"

Aoi sighed, looking a little worried. "Only a few days, I'm surprised you already woke up. You nearly died. Especially right after Muzan did, we thought you wouldn't make it. How do you feel? Your wounds are still bad, but the lesser ones have already started healing. You're sure to have more scars now but you already had so many, I doubt it'll be noticable."

Sanemi cleared his throat but it still felt dry like sandpaper. Aoi quickly helped him drink some water and Sanemi tried again, his head still a little dizzy. "Pain all over. Headache. It's not that bad though, I guess. How is everyone else?" He hesitated. "Giyuu?"

"Well, Tomioka is as good as he can be with one arm missing, but overall he's.. healing. Out of all the Hashira, only you and Tomioka survived." Aoi looked away. "Shinobu, Himejima, Iguro, Kanroji and Tokito all died. So did many of the other demon slayers. There were still many lower-ranked demon slayers surviving though, luckily. And Tanjiro, Agatsuma, Inosuke, Kanao, Nezuko, and so on are also alive. Though Kanao and Nezuko came close to dying."

"Oh," Sanemi said. His mind was focused on the first part of what Aoi said so it took him a second to register all of the rest Aoi had explained. "Nezuko? The demon Kamado girl? How is she alive?"

"The serum they made to turn demons back to humans," Aoi said, bustling over. "You should lay down, it's not good you're up already right now. You don't want to open your wounds."

"Right, right. Did it almost kill her, then?" Sanemi asked, wondering how that made sense. Aoi put her hand on his chest and on his back, guiding his body back down to the bed. 

"No, Tanjiro turned into a demon and he bit Nezuko," Aoi said almost dismissively.

"What?!" Sanemi shouted, jolting back up. He winced at the pain and slowly lay back down. "What do you mean? And how is he alive then? What about the sun?"

"Sorry, I forgot you were unconscious at that time. Muzan turned Tanjiro into a demon right before he died. Nezuko would've... Actually, all of us would be dead, most likely, if Kanao hadn't had one more of the concoctions they'd made to turn demons into humans again. Sh..Shinobu had given it to her before," Aoi explained. "Tanjiro, much like Nezuko, was able to resist the sun, so.."

"Oh. But they're all okay, no?" Sanemi asked.

"Yes, everyone who I said was alive is alive. This happened right after Muzan died and they were able to get Tanjiro back eventually," Aoi said with a sigh. "I'll get you some food, please let yourself rest. And don't get up."

Sanemi nodded absently. Aoi walked out of the room and he stared up at the cealing. So everyone had nearly died again and he'd been asleep? Goddamnnit he was useless. At least Giyuu was okay. Alive. 

There was a knock on the door and he turned his head slightly to face it. Aoi sure had gotten the food fast. "Come in," Sanemi mumbled, his voice raspy from the lack of water.

The door opened and, instead of the girl he'd been expecting, there stood Giyuu. Giyuu in all his wonderful, sleepy mess. He stood by the door, one arm held up in a sling, his hair a mess, and in the clothes Aoi provided patients who stayed here with. Giyuu looked adorable in them, for he looked so tired and the clothes looked loose and messy and fit him right.

"G..Giyuu..!" Sanemi said in surprise. He struggled to get up and then he stood, regretting his actions immediately.

Giyuu walked over and helped Sanemi to stand and lean against him. "Hi. Shouldn't you be resting? I thought you would be asleep," Giyuu said quietly. He sounded tired too. And god had Sanemi missed this voice. Rough with sleep, quiet, gentle, and so, so lovely.

"Yes, but, what are you doing here? Are you okay?" Sanemi asked. 

Giyuu nodded. "I heard from the hallway you had woken up." 

"When did you wake up?" Sanemi said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yesterday."

"Ah." 

Then it was silent. Though Sanemi's head pounded and his heart as well, though for completely different reasons. The two Hashira—or, perhaps, former Hashira—gazed into each others eyes, finding comfort in the other. 

But the quiet didn't last long when the door opened and Aoi marched in with a tray of food. She took one look at the two and sighed, irritated. "I thought this might happen," she grumbled. She put down the tray on a table nearby and shooed Giyuu away. "You're supposed to be in your room resting!! Just because your injuries aren't as bad as some others doesn't mean you can just go on, prancing about. Go sleep! If you want something, then ask for it."

Giyuu left, waving to Sanemi as the door closed. Then Aoi rounded on Sanemi and he quickly sat down on his bed. Aoi stalked up to him and poked his chest lightly, as if wanting to make a point but not wanting to injure him further. "And you. I told you not to get up! Just because you Hashira are stronger doesn't give you the right to go walking around as if you didn't just participate in the most dangerous thing you ever have and will be in!! You are going to rest until you're fully healed, at least as much as you can in this state, and you will listen to me. Understood?"

Sanemi nodded. He quickly lay back down and tried to ignore the way Aoi reminded him of Kanae and Masachika when they worried. He waited as Aoi prepared his food and thought silently, pushing away all the pain he felt right now. Giyuu had come to see him. And Giyuu was okay. He was okay.

~~~

It didn't take too long for Sanemi to heal and Aoi let him off saying, "I swear, you Hashira are some miracles to be healing practically inhumanly fast.."

Sanemi walked down the hallway of the mansion, looking for Giyuu. He bumped into Nezuko who unfortunately—or maybe not—brang back some memories he had of Genya. He decided that she was a good kid. 

He turned and continued walking, finding himself in front of Giyuu after a minute. He blinked, surprised, for he didn't remember seeing Giyuu. Then he realized he'd zoned out and he quickly stepped back. Giyuu hadn't moved, and was just staring at Sanemi quietly.

"You cut your hair?" Sanemi asked, after a moment of silence.

"Yes. I didn't do it by myself, though. It's hard to put my hair up with one hand," Giyuu said simply.

Sanemi nodded. That made sense. Giyuu looked beautiful with his hair short as well. "Eh, when were you let out?" Sanemi said, when Giyuu didn't say anything else.

"Around a week ago. We have a meeting with Master Kiriya in two hours, I was going to tell you." Giyuu moved then, as if to do something, then decided against it. He leaned against the wall, his hair moving over of his eyes slightly.

Sanemi nodded. Of course. "Right. How are they? Kiriya and the other Ubuyashiki's? It must be hard for them after all of this," Sanemi said.

"I don't know, I haven't been to see them yet. A crow informed me," Giyuu explained. "They must be handling it, though. All three of them are strong. Even at such young ages."

"Yes."

And then they were quiet again. Their conversations tended to die out eventually. It was alright though, it gave Sanemi the chance to inspect Giyuu for any sign he wasn't actually okay. 

But then Giyuu spoke. "Shina.. Sanemi?" he said quietly. "Could we.. go out for a little? On a walk before we head to the Ubuyashiki mansion?" 

Sanemi nodded, surprised. "Yeah, sure, of course."

Giyuu gave Sanemi the faintest hint of a smile then started towards the entrance of the butterfly mansion. Sanemi followed after a second, his mind replaying Giyuu's smile over and over in his head.

The two walked for a little in silence, and Sanemi wondered why Giyuu had asked him to go on a walk with him. Giyuu finally spoke up and said, "How.. how are your injuries?" 

"Healed, only lost two fingers," Sanemi said. "I was quite lucky."

"I heard you were nearer to death than I was, no?" Giyuu pointed out.

"Well, it was mostly blood loss, I guess. No lost limbs, just a lot of wounds," Sanemi corrected.

"Ah, okay."

Sanemi nodded and then Giyuu stopped. He stopped as well and turned to look at the other Hashira. "Hm?"

"Sa..nemi, can I ask you something?" Giyuu said quietly.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Do you.. Ah, how to say this.. Kanroji-San, before, when she was alive, said that.. that maybe you, uh," Giyuu paused, his voice faltering. He continued after a beat, but his voice was quieter. "You might like me? She said it wasn't in 'the way of friendship,' but rather, well, ah. Sorry if it isn't true, but, she said that you might love me. In the.. In the way she and Iguro loved each other?" he suggested, trying to make himself clear.

Sanemi froze, his gaze drifting away from Giyuu for the first time since they left the estate. He was so uncharacteristically quiet that Giyuu felt the urge to apologize again. Before he could, though, Sanemi looked up and met Giyuu's eyes. His gaze didn't falter and Giyuu saw, in the way Sanemi stared at him, that what Mitsuri had said was true. 

"Oh," was all Giyuu could say. 

Then Sanemi broke their eye contact and looked away. His voice was soft and quiet, something Giyuu wasn't used to hearing from Sanemi, as he said, "I suppose you don't feel the same. Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

Sanemi didn't get a response and he thought Giyuu might've left. But when he looked up to see, his eyes landed on Giyuu, who stood in the same place as before, but with a sort of determined and defiant look twisted onto his features.

"No, I came for confirm and, if.. if they were true, to.. accept," Giyuu said, his voice strong and certain.

"Are you trying to make jokes because you decided to stop being sulky and to and come out of your shell?" Sanemi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Giyuu was confused and shook his head. Then he smiled, a ghost of a smile more like, and said, "No. I have no promises I'll 'stop being sulky,' but I am coming out, I guess you could say. Not out of my 'shell,' rather I'm coming out, as I think it's said, out of the closet." 

Sanemi laughed at that. "Oh, really?"

"Yes."

Then the smile dropped from both of their faces and Sanemi stepped forward slightly. "Are you.. are you just saying this because you pity me, or..?" he prompted.

"I have no reason to pity you," Giyuu said, moving forward as well.

"So you truly do.. do like me as well?" Sanemi asked.

"Truly, certainly, yes," Giyuu said, now only an inch away from Sanemi.

"Then.. would you let me kiss you?"

Giyuu responded by pressing his lips onto Sanemi's and his arms wrapped around the Hashira. Sanemi copied the motion, his hands running through Giyuu's soft hair and the two stayed in the embrace for a little, until Giyuu pulled apart, breathing heavily.

Sanemi smiled slightly, resting his forehead against Giyuu's. "I promise I'll always stay with you."

"Mm, then I promise to always love you," Giyuu whispered back.

Sanemi smiled in response. Yes, he would stay with Giyuu for the rest of their four years together. Sanemi could finally love in peace.

{Word count: 6867}

Love it when motivation randomly strikes me

Btw sorry if some of the events that canonically happen that I included in here aren't accurate, I'm writing those from memory- Ngl I like writing action through emotions it's so fun and just.. just yes ✨

OKAY BYE ML'S<33 HAVE A GOOD DAYYY (or night or whatever idk..)

Edit (me only some minutes later forgetting to put this in-):

Watch your goofy author struggle with not typing too fast 💀

Sanmi and Sanmeir.. 

Poor Sanemi

Not me renaming him several times

[heymrspatel]

ART TAG

thanks for tagging me @deathclassic @kiennilove @suzy-queued @doshiart and @sgtmickeyslaughter 🥰💙

Have you always been interested in creating art? i have, yea! i've been drawing for as long as i can remember!

What's your favourite medium to use? If digital, what programs do you like? right now i would say digital since it's what i use the most nowadays. i use procreate on an ipad that is about to give out on me (and i really really need it to NOT do that).

Do you create outside of fandom? yea, i make silly little sketches for myself almost daily. just to stay sane while i work a corporate 9-5. those will never see the light of day.

Share something you haven't finished and/or never got around to posting this is like 90% done... but i never posted it because i didn't feel good with it at the time lol like something was off and i felt like i would have to undo too much to get it where i wanted it to be... (does this make sense?)

Favourite piece you've made? this is hard! i feel like it changes all the time? i'm going to go with this one because i really like how the background turned out and because i'm a soft bitch

Draw your icon in a minute or less hehe his cheeks

An underrated piece you've made in your opinion 'baby boy' idk i think it's really soft and lovely

but also, a lot of the kinktober pieces… i’ve been so so so very proud of them because they’re so vulnerable and i think i did a nice job with some of them, but they don’t quite take off 😅

Do you do art in a professional setting? i do not. my work is the furthest thing i could get from being creative.

A piece you don't like but did really well on social media uuuhhh i think i'll skip this one! simply because i could pick apart probably everything i've ever posted lol!

Post an old piece and compare it to your most recent, what are the similarites? i'm not going to do my most recent because it's kinktober and i also went for a pretty different style... SO! i'll do the first comic style one i did and the latest one!

the color palette is still the same, they're still very soft and gone for each other, i really love a gentle face hold!

Have you ever collaborated with another artist/s? i don't think i have? but i've collaborated with a couple of writers to make some pieces for their fics!

What piece has the most notes? Are you surprised? roadtrip boys! i'm not really surprised, not for nothing but i did my thing here. there's lots of details, storytelling, dreamy colors. i get it.

Who/What is your favourite subject matter? tbh it's landscapes or mundane still lifes...lol!! "julissa, not bowls of fruit!", everyone cried! you'd be correct. not that. but everyday kind of humdrum but meaningful pieces. atmospheric. yanking you back to a point in time. - i did a drawing of my grandma's vanity once. with her lipsticks and little lotions and stuff. like that.

Show us something not from fandom you've made here go:

Where do you like to create? on my couch. absolutely hunched over like a shrimp.

Do you have a tag that you use to group your creations? Tell us so people can follow it i do! i put everything under myart

Give yourself a shoutout, where can we commission/buy/follow you for more pieces? i don't do commissions or have anything for sale and i also don't exist anywhere else lamdsflj i'm just here and i crosspost on ao3 💙

i'll tag @deedala @michellemisfit @gallapiech @lingy910y @vintagelacerosette @gallawitchxx @spookygingerr @romidoes if you'd like to play! if not, this is just me giving you a little nose boop!

[hatsunemimikyu]

Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition First Impressions

Started playing yesterday after having it sit on my Steam library for years and thought it would be fun to note down my first impressions of the game!

Tales Experience

For note, this is not my first game in the series. I've played a significant part/finished Symphonia, Abyss, Zestiria and Berseria, and also played a bit of Phantasia and Arise. My favourites are Abyss and Berseria!

The Plot

I've gone up to Shaikos Ruins by now, so I haven't seen muuch of the plot, but knowing Tales I can predict some conspiration of those in power that relates to the ancient technology lol

I don't mind most Tales games sticking to a tried and true formula as I think the best part of those stories is how they tie to the development of the characters. And talking about characters...

The Characters

I already like Yuri a lot tbh. I love how he's simultaneously too tired for this shit but also cares too deeply to not help others in need. Combat-wise he's your sword main character(tm) which I always appreciate since I'm not that good at combat to play with the more intensive chars lol. Cool dude 10/10.

Omg Estelle is another one I'm loving?? She's kind and sheltered but she's also funny and a book lover. I love her dynamic with Yuri, sheltered noble x world weary (ex-)military makes me think of Luke x Tear who I have always liked a lot. I also love her dress, it looks like a flower!

Extra notes on her and Yuri's relationship, I'm curious to see how Flynn will play into it but I'm already envisioning the "this is my boyfriend Yuri and this is my boyfriend's boyfriend Flynn" thing lol

Also she and Yuri already had the "would you still love me if I was a worm snake or frog?" conversation and I love that for them tbh

https://youtu.be/RIlLpX4fmVY?si=4kR0_lmSoKr9YEpS

Mechanically she's a healer so... sorry girl, probably not going to play as you so much :'D and please stop using sharpness on yourself!!! Still 10/10

Doggo/10, what's more to say?

Ok but Repede is really cool! The only part of his design I'm not a big fan of is the electric blue fur on his head. I'm pretty curious on what's his story with his previous owner and how he came to hang with Yuri (I'm pretty sure the pipe is a memento?)

Mechanically he's the faster but frailer guy which is... ok I guess lol

He's scared as fuck and he has a big ass tote so he's very relatable lol I'm pretty sure him knowing to lockpick will be significant somehow, maybe a hint of his past? 8/10 let's see what he has in store

Mechanically he's the big swing guy which I always enjoy playing as even tho I'm bad at it

Smartass ass lil lady/10. This is a "type" of character I always like in Tales so happy to see her there lol. Still have to finish the ruins to see how will she decide to tag along the party. Mechanically she's the offensive caster, found her nice to play at but I don't like to stay still for long so I don't play caster very much.

Now that I'm done with the characters for now, let's get to...

The Gameplay

This is one of the Tales with the lanes + free movement duo. I'm playing on normal bc I'm a scrub, but I still feel that blocking at the right time/free moving to reposition is pretty important as some enemies can hit quite hard. Usually it gets easier with time bc you get more characters/spells, but for now I'm feeling the difficulty is in a nice place. Skills being learnable from weapons adds some more levels of choice (do I equip every new stronger piece of equipment or do I wait to learn skill X?) which is interesting. I'm glad I'm playing on my Deck as I don't have to worry about save points since I can just put it to sleep.

Now for the last part...

The Visuals

As I've stated before, I'm playing this on a Steam Deck, so I can't comment on how this would look on a giant screen, but for the Deck at least, it looks pretty good! The art direction is pretty strong and all the environments I saw up to now have been distinctive and very nicely crafted. The characters also look pretty good, and the overrall effect is like you're playing an interactive anime. Really shows how a good art direction makes a game look good no matter how old it is.

Anyways having an overrall nice experience with this one! I'm curious to get more characters and see how they develop. Idk if I'll write any more of this but it has been fun to ramble about lol. If you read this all thanks for reading lol have you played this game?