#Have fun kids. I'm turning 30 in three months. I can say that now.

[puckish-rogue]

Below the Read More is a copy paste of what I've sent some people regarding a brief overview of what my friend @whoredmode and I have been working on for our version of Steelport. Please keep in mind this is just a snippet. An actual post will be made sometime in the future to give a more rounded general idea of what the city is like. And then beyond that something with a lot more information.

I'm only posting this as like a sneak peak for y'all cause I figured it'd be a nice point of reference to have. That being said, if you have any questions regarding Steelport, please don't hesitate in sending me a message. I love world building, and this has been a fun little project to work on with Ted.

Anyway, please enjoy!

Steelport, Pennsylvania is a heavily industrialized major American city located entirely on Lake Erie. Founded in 1827 by blue-collar industrialists, Steelport would become a major hub for all manner of work during the height of the United States' industrial revolution. The city would also play a major part during both World Wars by manufacturing vehicles, supplies, and all manner of items during both respective conflicts. Unfortunately for the city and its many inhabitants whose main source of income came from these factories, the need for anything done in-house would take a sharp decline as the decades passed and more and more high profile clients would begin to use outsourced labor.

As with other cities and towns residing within the rust belt of America, Steelport fell on especially hard times, making it quite the hotbed for all kinds of criminal organizations to start showing up. Many of which consisted of Eastern European immigrants as they had already been living here for quite some time working as skilled laborers.

It wouldn't be until some time in maybe the early to mid 00's that Phillipe Loren and his group known as the Morningstar would make their presence known. Loren had already been making a name for himself across Europe as his rise to power within the criminal underworld has been making quite significant waves. Loren would view Steelport as the perfect candidate to jumpstart his expansion into the U.S., along with acting as a base of operations for his pet project The Syndicate. Eventually their partnership with Eddie "Killbane" Pryor's Luchadors would help them overpower any and all criminal groups within Steelport, and claim the entirety of the city as their own. So dominant were they that street names and things of that nature would be renamed in the Syndicate's honor.

So that's like the gist of what the history is. Still working on a lot more of it, but I don't wanna info dump too hard just yet.

NOW AS FOR THE CITY ITSELF

Steelport was allegedly inspired by Philadelphia, New York City, and Bridgeport in Connecticut. And when you look at its concept art it's no-brainer why that is. Unfortunately, yet not surprising, the actual in-game map looks nowhere near as interesting as its concept art. The layout of the map as well is also boring to tears. This is why we've modeled our version of Steelport after its concept art, its inspirations, and in general our own ideas.

This is an industrial city that blue collar workers built, and there's like absolute no zoning laws whatsoever. So there's just all kinds of buildings being pushed close to each other without this need to give everything its own designated space. It's a very dense city; the literal definition of concrete jungle. Notice how downtown is populated by all kinds of skyscrapers in different designs. Something that we want to put emphasis on are those design details.

There's a lot of art deco influence, brutalism, some gothic here and there. But among those buildings are also shiny glass towers that really give you the idea that they're trying to modernize things as well.

Downtown is meant to act as the modernized hub. As if it's the heart of the city itself. Surrounding it are the various other districts that are much more heavily industrialized and contain remnants of the city's past. That isn't to say that there are many abandoned buildings. Not at all. Some may be scattered around, but this is a city that's still meant to feel populated. There is just an EXTREMELY noticeable class divide given the state of things. Whenever you're in any of these other districts, you'll always get the sensation of downtown Steelport being a world's away. It's an entirely different sort of beast compared to everything else surrounding you.

Something else I want to emphasize is that there's a feeling of things being swept under the rug or repurposed. Like a lot of the buildings that were used for steelwork and etc have now been converted to god knows what. Two big examples of that are the Syndicate Tower and the 3 Count Casino.

The Syndicate Tower is this massive skyscraper that lords over the whole damn place. Now, while watching a GDC discussing the art direction of the game (which is actually a very embarrassing presentation), one thing that stood out to me were the comments about repurposing buildings. The bottom of the Syndicate Tower was sort of alluded to maybe having been a bank decades prior. Might have looked like those big fancy ones you see in period pieces. So instead of demolishing the whole thing to build a new foundation, why not build on top?

The 3 Count is another example of that. Having been a former oil refinery, it's now the main HQ and moneymaker for the Luchadors. It's such a strange but interesting kind of art direction that I wish they leaned into more in the game.

The other thing I wanted to bring up is that I won't be using the game's actual map because I don't think it's all that interesting in its layout.

Instead, I'll be using the beta cause I think it looks way cooler and has more I could work with! I'm gonna have to add an airport somewhere though cause I sure as shit don't see one there unlike the actual map/

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not stopping to hang out with my ex-friend's little brother? 🫠 ← so I can see it later

So, I (19M) have been friends with Z(20M) for about 3 years at this point. However, about 2 months ago we had a fight, mostly caused by his unwillingness to work on his anger issues and my unwillingness to be vulnerable and other problems in our personalities that ended up clashing with eachother in the worst way possible. Both parties are responsible for the falling out here.

Now, we are both in the same friend circle, and when the fight happened I made it clear to all our mutual friends that I didn't want anyone taking sides, neither did I want people to stop talking to him because of said fight, and I thought he did the same since his younger brother J (15M) didn't stop talking to me.

I know the kid since he was 12, even baby sat him a few times over the three years I was friends with his brother. We don't talk regularly, but I do try to hang out with him here and there (usually playing video games or taking him and some of his school friends to whatever movie they wanna to watch).

I thought Z knew I still hung out with his brother because J sometimes posts stuff on social media when we go out, but since I don't have any other social media aside from tumblr, I don't know if these posts have me in it or not.

Yesterday, I went to pick him up so I could take him and his friend to this robotics/technology event my uni was doing, he begged me for almost a whole two weeks to take him when I mentioned it was going to happen and that I was gonna be presenting stuff (I'm part of a project that builds a race car and he Loves cars). When I got there, Z had just arrived as well and got Really pissed to see me there, he got even more pissed when I told him I was just there to pick J up.

He told me to stop talking to his brother and that I should stop being obsessed with him and that we were done. Now, I'm like a Really avoidant person when it comes to fights, like, to the point of if someone came to punch me I would just let them in hopes of the fight ending quicker (it has happened before, not exactly a pleasant experience I must say).

So all I did was say "ok" and got into my car to leave. However, since J was really excited about the event, I sent him a message asking him and his friend to come to my apartment cause "stuff" that I had to deal with had come up and I wouldn't be able to get them in time, and then sent him some money so they could grab an uber.

I get home and like, 20-30 minutes later J and his friend get there as well, but J is crying really hard, just bawling his eyes out. He was really really upset cause Z had yelled at him of me and threatened to tell their parents that he was "associating with his stalker" (I haven't seen nor talked to Z since the fight) and he was scared that his parents would make him stop hanging out with me (which I doubt they will since I'm the only reason the kid wants to go to uni, he Will regret that decision the moment he steps foot in the mechanical engineering building of my uni, so rip).

We got him to calm down and we went to the event, which went terribly but in a funny way (the car caught on fire when we turned it one, nobody was hurt physically, emotionally however is another story) and we had a lot of fun.

I gave him more money so he and his friend could go home, I didn't know if his brother was still there but I didn't wanna take any chances.

Today I woke up to a message from Z, again telling me to stay the hell away from his brother or else he would punch me in the face (he wouldn't, I know that for a fact, he would rather die than hurt me or anyone physically, emotionally again is another story). I didn't reply and blocked his number. I asked some of my other friends about it and the opinions are a bit divided, some say it's weird to still hang out with J, others say it's fine, so the most logical conclusion is to obviously ask strangers online what they think about it (which, it kinda of is, since no one knows either of the parties involved which means less bias or whatever)

Anyway, what's the verdict

What are these acronyms?

[dellalyra]

Family Formation Part Three

Summary: The Gojo's share a soft, warm moment with Yuuji after an unexpected midnight run in.

SERIES MASTERLIST requests currently open :)<3

CW: fluff, pregnancy, mild threat, sukuna being sukuna, this is almost more of a crack fic but like it's really soft bc so many people wanted Y/N and Gojo to adopt Yuuji after part two but part four... is going to be heartbreaking I'm sorry

11.43pm - Tokyo Prefectural High School, Dorm Building Kitchen

You’re in the common room, waiting for your husband to finish up a mission - looking at your phone you see him say he’ll be about 10 minutes, so you go to make yourself a quick cup of tea before he gets here and goes home. You could hear the kids up in their dorms until about 30 minutes ago after you had made dinner for you all this evening.

As you boil the kettle, you feel a silent presence lurking behind you, just at the entrance to the kitchen- a drastic shift in cursed energy, one you’d rather not be familiar with but sadly have come to know all too well. You continue to prepare your tea in peace. “Evening, Sukuna.” You say, with an exasperated sigh. A kitchen conversation with the King of Curses wasn’t quite how you imagined this evening to go but you’ll make do. It feels like your baby starts to sense the cursed energy too, with them kicking a little more since Sukuna’s arrival - Gojo genes are strong in this one you see.

A growl emanates through the room, “You dare address me so casually, wench?” “I do, Sukuna, you’re far too smart to start shit in here and with me right now, so do shut up and let me enjoy my tea.” “Oh, what a brave little girl you are - are you in any position to do anything but beg for me to spare the life of you and your child?” His eyes seem to flow red through the dimly lit room.

“I would say I’m rather well safeguarded yes, I’m a special grade sorcerer, and even 7 months pregnant I could inflict decent damage on you, my husband is Gojo Satoru, and my son who possesses the Ten Shadow technique is down the hall AND is overprotective and down the hall, a girl who may as well be my daughter, doing the same and another Grade 1, but most of all - the body you are housed in is that of a boy who is also as good as a son to me, and the minute you start to show me any real threat I know he will make up and squash your nighttime wandering hopes. So, tell me, what can I help you with, Sukuna?” You roll your eyes, knowing full well he’s trying to grandstand and intimidate you, but you just do not have the patience to deal with it right now. As you speak you pour the water into your mug and sit yourself down with a groan at your tired feet. The glare you were given along with the smirk and what you could only assume to be a laugh may scare some, but not you, you’ve seen and exorcised far worse than Sukuna in a 15-year-old boy's body in the kitchen. “Hm, I like you - you’ve got balls. As for what I wanted, well, I suppose I wanted to see for myself the woman carrying the future of jujutsu sorcery - hardly any fun going through all this trouble to regain my power if there will be nothing interesting to use it on.” He stalls towards you, eyeing you and your growing stomach like a trophy. “The child - it is strong, not even taken a breath and the cursed energy outweighs your own. Possibly it’s fathers too. And you’ve raised the Ten Shadows boy, for a human I almost respect you, there’s nothing quite as entertaining as a fierce woman.”

The flare in your cursed energy at the thought of Sukuna even discussing your children would have blown lesser beings to ash but luckily, years of control and practice have kept you from unleashing the rage of a protective mother - this is not even the first time. The very night Sukuna was reborn inside Yuuji, you stood in front of your injured son Megumi which fire burning inside you as Gojo watched the love and care you had for him and that boy behind you turn into a blast slamming the curse into the building. (Your initial concern for hurting the as-yet-unknown rosey-haired child diminished after having seen how Sukuna reinforced his body during a brief scuffle with your husband).

“Sukuna, you have seen that I am quite clearly pregnant, you’ve done what you came to do - off you go, unless you’re going to say you want tea -” with a snarl and muttering about the insolence of humans and the arrogance of every Gojo he retreats as a waking Yuuji looks around, clearly confused.

“Y/N? Why am I in the kitchen? I was asleep? Wait, why are you here, where’s Gojo-Sensei?” The words all tumble out mingled with a yawn from him. Seeing no reason to hide the truth, you continued. “You’re okay Yuuji, Satoru will be here in a minute, I’m just waiting here for him to finish up a quick mission, didn’t want to drive so I’ll go home with him. And as for why you’re in the kitchen, it seemed your body roommate wanted a midnight stroll.” You put your mug onto the counter as you reboil the water to make some tea for Yuuji, hoping it would coax him back to sleep. “Wait, Sukuna? Are you okay? Oh god, I’m so sorry, what did he want?” He flustered about.

“Yuuji honey, I’m absolutely fine, and you have nothing to be sorry for. He just wanted to see if the rumors of a new Six Eyes could be true. We were all completely safe sweetheart, I sent him packing and pretty much told him if he didn’t want tea he could piss off, he’s too smart to ever try anything that could put himself in danger - so don’t worry, you’re safe with Satoru and me around. Plus, I think this one is going to have both my temper and Satoru’s lack of sanity so, you’re surrounded by Gojo’s who love you.” You pat your belly and then his head and push the chamomile tea mug into his hands. He scratches the back of his neck and thanks you, muttering about how much of a dick Sukuna is. You giggle at him and sit down.

“Wait, did you really ask the king of curses if he wanted tea?” Yuuji asked as if that part of the story had just clicked in his head. “Well, Shoko always said I was too ballsy for someone my size.” You giggle and he laughs too, but nods, knowing you are one of the bravest (and kinda scary in a fight) people he’s met since joining the sorcery world.

“He didn’t want any tea though. Maybe he’s a hot chocolate kinda guy.” You say, with a straight face, Yuuji looks at you for a moment and then bursts into hysterical laughter as you giggle about wrapping Sukuna in a blanket and giving him cocoa with tiny marshmallows. As you’re finishing your tea, Satoru walks (flounces) through the door and leans down to pepper your face with kisses. “Well if it isn’t my dearest, darling, sweetheart, angel wife. Are you ready to go home? I have some snacks for us before bed.” He says as you notice the bags behind his back. He then turns to Yuuji, “Huh, you have Sukuna cooties tonight. What did I miss?” Itadori turns his nose up at the residuals being called cooties. “It’s alright, ‘Toru. Sukuna decided to check out whether the rumor of more Gojo spawn was true. Got poor Yuuji out of bed for it and all.” You reassured him.

“Huh, well, you okay, baby? He didn’t upset you did he?” You loved that Satoru had so much faith in your abilities and strength that he knew he needed to be nothing but support for you, and you’d spoken before about his being surrounded by sorcerers was the safest place for Yuuji to be so you both knew Sukuna wouldn’t risk his chance. You weren’t dumb enough to think you could take down Sukuna alone - only Satoru could have a chance, but you could definitely hold him off with your powerful cursed technique long enough for Satoru to arrive. You kissed his cheek and nodded that you were absolutely fine.

“Gojo-sensei, she offered him tea. Sukuna.” Yuuji said, still in disbelief. “That’s my girl!” Hearing this, Satoru laughed and pulled you into his chest, beaming at his beautifully snarky, witty wife.

“Now, Satoru, let’s get home - it’s late. I can see you yawning, Yuuji, back to bed.” You usher him down the hall to his dorm and make sure he gets into bed, as he sleepily tumbles into his Spider-Man sheets you’d gotten a few months back, you whisper goodnight to him. As you were about to close the door, you hear a very sleepy, barely awake ‘gnight mom, night dad.’ You squeeze Satoru’s hand as you smile at each other, wordless but endless appreciation for what you just heard and have only ever heard from Megumi (rarely) and Tsumiki (you missed hearing it from her). You knew Yuuji would be back to Y/N and Gojo-Sensei tomorrow but now in a sleepy vulnerable moment that’s how he saw and felt about you both was enough to know you guys must be doing something right.

“Satoru, we should really stop picking up stray kids on the street and keeping them.” You giggle thinking of the siblings, Yuuji and the sweet boy you cared for currently in Africa with Miguel. “Hm, nah, we need a whole collection, our own army - now c’mon, the baby just said ‘Hey dad get mom home I want to have cuddles and mochi with you’” in the worst baby impression ever he squeaked at you and he picked you up bridal style to warp you home, but not before you get in a quiet “oh really, when did you become the womb whisperer? That sounds like you want that to me.”

TAGLIST:

@vesta-ro *

@sassy-cat-in-town

@lilithlunas

@madam-ri

[amandapjstt]

Magical Moment

dua puluh tujuh november dua ribu dua puluh empat. tujuh sembilan belas.

Hello, everyone!

It's me again the one and only your fabulous girl here with life updates. Sorry for no update for 4 months and I'm back with some exciting news.

How's your year? Wish everyone a good year in 2024 becaus next month we jump into another good year of 2025.

After those chaotic-fun wedding of mine, I'm officially married now. We had small wedding with family, relatives and colleague at home. It's simple yet meaningful as our family getting bigger and I can feel their blessing. Intimate wedding is worth to try.

Yeay! It's been 4 months with my unicorn, Mr. Habib, and my life is ... getting ... miraculously amazing. Every married couples has their own issues but I can say in my situation so far ... I enjoy the ride through the thick and thin as long as I am with this man. I become helplessly romantic like I would cry just by staring at him sleep next to me as I feel grateful everyday and pray, "Dear Allah please take a good care of this man." (oh I start cry again ToT). It's magical how Allah turn us from strangers to husband and wife just in a short time. Grateful, grateful and grateful. No words can explain how amazingly grateful we are to have each other.

And the next big thing I would like to annouce ... I'm pregnant! It's been 16 weeks. Yeay! at first, I'm not sure to have kids ASAP but my husband convince me that it's good to have it ASAP and Allah grant his wish and ... man jadda wa jadda ... He gave us this amanah and we're beyond grateful for that. The two become three next year.

I would like to add that those magical moment happen in the right time. I'm married at 30 and I never regret the timing. Although, I'm not done yet with my adventurous side but I feel like 30 is a good start for another type of adventure. Just like sailing with new bigger ship with some company that I can call a team. The priority shift, the focus change, the joy multiplied. We're still adjusting everyday with our new situation and my husband patiently guide me and ease my anxiety. We are getting to know each other and getting to shape ourselves for the better as an individual. It's amazing. We say thank you and sorry a lot. We laugh on little things. I cried a lot since pregnancy hit me hard at first (but let me tell you about pregnancy in another post) but I always feel at ease with him by my side.

To wrap this post, married, expanding the family is another adventure you should consider. With the right person, you never lose yourself. and not just me I see women are elevating in their career after married. Just be grateful and be patient if issues come up your way. Only with the right person. Take your time, no need to rush and choose wisely.

[just-here-for-the-moment]

Claire...may I request a lil' writing? I'm thinking of Javi maybe post Columbia and he builds up a routine. He goes to the same coffee shop every morning on his way to work and of course picks up the same order. You're a barista at the coffee shop and eventually, you can pin down his arrival to the minute so one day, you make his drink for the exact moment when he gets there, with your number written on the cup cause screw it, he's damn hot. What would happen? <3

Oh Maia, this was FUN to write for you!!! I hope you enjoy it! :D

Exciting update!!! GIF and media genius @nicolethered made an amazing video for me to go with this fic!! Go give her big love!!

Second exciting update! I was challenged by @quica-quica-quica to play the POV game for this piece (where someone Asks you to rewrite a piece from a different character's POV). So now there is a companion piece to this from Javier's POV, called: "Coffee Shop Girl". Enjoy!

For Now

Word count: 3900+

Rating: explicit, 18+ only

Outline: Javier Peña x “You” (Austin coffee shop barista; cis/het female reader; “blank canvas”/no physical description/no name/no use of “Y/N”)

Warnings: slow-burn; oral sex/F receiving; vaginal fingering; protected P/V sex; cigarette smoking

Ten days. It took ten days between the first arrival of the handsome stranger and you ending up in his bed. A new personal record for you, given how reserved you normally were. But it was nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you were careful. It was the 90s now after all, there was zero reason to have to keep your knees closed until marriage, as long as you used condoms and got tested regularly.

You liked the coffee shop well enough, situated on the southern end of downtown near the warehouses and a few clubs. It drew a full spectrum of Austinites: college kids closing out their club nights with breakfast tacos and pastries before going home to crash; early morning construction workers, employees from the big post office around the corner; and the usual boring lawyers and office staff who started streaming in around 7:30 every weekday morning. You could do the job well enough, even considering the odd hours: waking up early enough to open the doors at 5:30, serve the slow trickle of early morning customers with patience and ease until a co-worker joined at 7:00 for the morning rush. And the barista and food service parts of the job were physically but not mentally demanding. It was a job, and certainly less hassle than your bartending gig some weekends. At least here you only had to throw drunks out once a month.

And then one Tuesday in early June, at 7:47 a.m., he appeared. Tall, neatly groomed mustache, dark eyes, a sheaf of bangs swept to the side over his forehead. His navy blue blazer and tie said ‘accountant’ or maybe ‘state employee’ and his sideburns were just a little out of date. You pegged him at about 40, probably one of those men who visited the same barber their whole lives, not bothering to keep up with fashion trends as long as they looked neat and clean. When he reached to take his to-go cup of black coffee from you, you noticed that his ring finger was bare, and you liked that his fingernails were clean and trimmed. He offered you a nod in thanks, and you smiled at him a little more warmly than you had with your other customers so far. He held the door on his way out, pausing just a moment to let two women enter… and then he was gone, out into the bright sunlight and foot traffic and morning rush. You hoped you would see him again.

On Wednesday he came back again, a repeat of Tuesday except with a different tie, deep red today instead of navy. Black coffee to go, leather portfolio tucked under one arm, clean hands, eyes as dark as the coffee you handed him. This time rewarding you with a gruff and gravelly, “Thanks,” instead of just a nod. You relished the accidental brush of his fingers on yours as you handed the cup over, another flash of him imprinted on you, along with yesterday’s vision of him going golden as he stepped out into the morning sun. This time you watched him through the big glass window until he was out of sight, admiring his strong nose in profile, the curve of it perched over that mustache. Two extra seconds of handsomeness poured into your morning before you had to turn back to rinsing mugs and making change. You hoped that he’d come again on Thursday, making it three visits, a genuine pattern instead of a fluke.

On Thursday he reappeared, same time as the previous two days, waiting patiently in line behind two wake-and-bake potheads who were taking their sweet time staring up at the food menu. Today he was dark gray instead of navy, wearing a charcoal blazer and a sharp black tie. You waved him over with a smile, letting it melt all the way up to your eyes instead of flashing the tight, brief, closed-mouth thing you used on most customers.

“Black coffee, right?” You watched his face, taking in the dark eyes, the hair, the brief smile that made a surprise dimple appear in his cheek.

He nodded, “That’s right. Thank you.” He slid a rumpled bill across the counter. “Keep the change.”

You bit your lip as you turned away, preening at his thanks and seven whole words as if they were genuine praise. His voice was deep and rich, landing with a rumble in your own chest, like the remnants of thudding bass from a passing car. You poured the coffee and secured the lid, brain scrambling desperately for something clever to say. To make him come back, to talk to you more.

You turned and handed him the cup, and as he reached for it you again let your hand be in just the right spot to feel the brush of his fingers. Your eyes locked on one another, and for the briefest moment you forgot to let go of the cup. You wanted to swim in those brown eyes forever, get lost and let him drown you whole. He paused, and you thought you saw the briefest twitch of his mustache, a pinprick in his calm exterior before you drew your hand back. He inclined his head, a single nod, and then he turned to leave and your attention was swept back to the register and the next customers.

Friday he arrived “on time” and you met his eyes as soon as he opened the door. Today he was warm earth tones, a dark red shirt under a brown tweed blazer and no tie, a nod to casual Friday. You turned and prepared his coffee, tightening the lid and then holding it up to him across the room, smiling and tossing your chin up in a friendly greeting. He walked up and slid a few bills over the counter to you.

“Thanks.” He winked at you and something in your pelvis fluttered. “See you next week.”

You watched him go, stepping out again into a halo of golden sun, pulling a pair of aviator sunglasses from his pocket and putting them on before striding away. You suddenly felt lost, facing the many hours between now and Monday.

Your weekend passed in a blur of extra bartending shifts and catching up on sleep. You were forever napping at odd hours, trying to reconcile the slightly staggered rhythms of early morning coffee shop hours and late-night bartending. It wasn’t the hardest you’d ever worked or the worst schedule, but it wasn’t fun. At least, it hadn’t been fun until now. Now you had something to look forward to.

Monday morning you opened the shop and kept an eye on the clock. At 7:46 you poured black coffee into a to-go cup. Thirty seconds later, he appeared on the other side of the plate glass window, the navy suit and tie again, blowing out a long stream of cigarette smoke before dropping the butt and giving it a quick twist under his foot. He took off his amber-lensed aviators and tucked them into the pocket of his blazer, then pulled out his wallet. At 7:47 on the dot, he opened the door, met your eyes, and saw you holding up his coffee. And there went that smile again, the dimple, the wink.

You smiled as he approached the counter. “You psychic or something? Or am I just that predictable?”

“Both, maybe.” You grinned and wiggled your eyebrows.

He opened his wallet and passed a bill across the counter, larger than what was strictly necessary for a to-go coffee and a reasonable tip. “Great service, keep the change.”

You thanked him, giving him the full-watt smile and wishing him a good day as you opened and closed the register, putting the change into the tip jar. Thankfully there was no one else in line right now, so you could give his handsome figure your full attention as he left, watching how the navy blazer hugged his shoulders.

He went out the door, turned right like he always did, and then he turned his head and his eyes met yours through the glass. You should have felt embarrassed that he caught you staring, but you didn’t. Mostly because you realized that he had stopped to look back, too, which meant you weren’t the only one hoping for more. He nodded and lifted his cup in a gesture of thanks. Then he was gone.

Tuesday was the same, only with the charcoal blazer and the dark red tie this time. The wink, the flutter in your gut, the over-tipping. The glance across the counter as his fingers brushed yours around the cup. The aviators slung on as soon as he stepped out the door.

Wednesday, again, the navy suit and tie, another brush of the fingers, a smaller tip but a bigger smile, gracing you with that dimple again. Another gravelly, “Thank you,” that sounded warmer than he had to date. The handsome profile and a quick meeting of the eyes through the glass as he left again.

Thursday was the same, only better. You used a permanent marker to write something on his paper cup before you poured it precisely at 7:46 a.m., watching, waiting. He did not disappoint. At 7:47, precisely on time, you caught a glimpse of his profile as he came into view through the plate glass window. Charcoal again. He turned and saw you inside, then opened the door, holding it again for a woman exiting. You pointed at his to-go cup on the counter and smiled.

“You trying to get rid of me? In and out so quickly?” He smiled and twitched an eyebrow at you.

You smiled back, “Depends on how long you were planning to stay. We close at 1:00 a.m. after open mic tonight. After that you gotta go somewhere else.”

The handsome man chuckled and pursed his lips. “And what time do you get off, after the morning shift?”

“Depends on who’s asking.” You winked and immediately regretted it, it felt too bold, it wasn’t your normal mode.

He met your eyes and said simply, “I am.”

You felt your face split into a wide smile. “I finish at 1:00, after the lunch rush.”

He nodded. “Good to know. I’m Javier, by the way.” He stuck his hand out and shook yours. You gave him your name and a warm shake of the hand.

He fished a few bills out of his wallet. “Can I maybe stop by after your shift, take you to lunch sometime?”

“You can do me one better than that.” You rotated the paper cup so that the writing was facing him. “My phone number’s on the cup.”

His eyebrows popped up, and then he gave you an appraising glance, like he was impressed. You saw his tongue shift up under his lip to suck a tooth and you suddenly wanted nothing more than to see how that tongue felt on you. You flushed hot, tingling with desire.

He arched an eyebrow at you. “You do that for all your customers?”

“Just the best tippers.” You winked at him and laughed.

He stuck his hand out once more and you gave him yours. He lifted it and kissed the back of your hand, mustache sweeping ever so briefly over your knuckles before he gently released it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” his voice was low and something in it went straight to your groin, making your pelvic muscles clench. You watched him pick up the cup and go, smiling at you with that dimple through the glass as he left. You stood for just a moment, hoping, hoping, hoping. Maybe he would call you after work?

At 1:00 you finished your shift and handed the register off to Mike. You were just untying your apron and hanging it up when you saw a familiar profile sweep into view outside the window. Javier. Your stomach flipped over and a million little butterflies flew out.

He ducked inside the door and searched the shop for a moment, smiling when he saw you coming out from behind the counter with your bag slung over your shoulder.

“Hey,” you stood for a moment and hesitated, suddenly shy.

Javier slipped his sunglasses off and tucked them into his pocket. “Hey, I’m glad I caught you. Are you busy, or can I take you to lunch today?”

“No, I’m not busy. I’d love to go.” You smiled. “There’s a sandwich place around the corner, and a park we can go sit in.”

He smiled, wider than you’d seen him do so far. “That’s perfect.”

He let you lead, walking him across the street and around the corner to the sub shop. You made small-talk on the way there, finding out that he was from Laredo but new to Austin, a former DEA agent consulting for the state. You picked up your food and walked a block over to the small city park, where you told him about your roommates, your cat, your wish to go back to school and finish your degree. By the end of lunch you were both smiling, feeling that spark, the little magnetic pull that had started over his coffee orders. At 2:00 Javier said he had to get back to his office.

“... but I’d really like to see you again. Can I take you to dinner? Tonight if that’s okay, since you’re working tomorrow night.” He stood close to you, looking warmly into your eyes.

“Yeah, that would be great.” You felt that flutter again, that twitch of interest from looking into his warm brown eyes, seeing the way they crinkled when he smiled. You were so busy looking at his eyes that you didn’t see him reach his hand out, sweeping it around to circle your shoulders and pull you in for a kiss. You kissed him back, as urgently as was proper for the time of day and the public setting. When he pulled away to walk back up the few blocks to his office, you stood there dazed. Wow.

You went home and napped, then showered and changed into datewear. Javier picked you up at 7:30, and you were relieved that the little spark was still there. You had half-worried that it would wear off in the few hours between your lunch date and now, or that it was a localized feeling limited to a small radius around the coffee shop. But dinner was fun and warm, and by the end of dessert and coffee you didn’t want to leave him yet. You decided that you would be bolder than you normally were.

“Listen, my roommates are home, but do you want to go back to your place?”

Javier looked surprised for only a moment and then smiled, “Yes, let’s go.”

You kissed all the way back to the car, ran your hands lightly over the back of Javier’s neck as he drove, kissed all the way from the car to his apartment door, and tumbled inside together, feeling for buttons and zippers and helping each other out of your clothes. His erection felt warm and solid against your hip, and when he finally got naked you were nearly moaning at the expanse of his broad shoulders and golden skin. He was beautiful.

Javier walked you backwards to the bedroom and paused only to pull a wrapped condom out of a drawer and turn on the bedside lamp to chase away the dark. You lay back and watched him as he tossed the foil packet onto the quilt next to you and then knelt beside your legs. He looked at you as he ran his hands up and down your naked thighs. Then he butterflied your legs slowly apart and ran one warm hand up to your pussy, teasing you with his fingers, dipping them in and out between your labia and running them up to tickle your clit.

“Can I eat you out?” He asked almost shyly.

You nodded, a breathy “Yeah,” issuing from your lips. Javier dove down and licked into you with a rush. You gasped and threw your head back, clawing your fingers down into the blankets. Javier worked you open on three fingers and used the tip of his stiffened tongue to flick your clit rapidly from side to side while his fingers slipped slowly in and out. You moaned and fought the urge to close your legs while he curled and stroked inside of you, finding the spots you could never quite reach yourself. Within a few minutes you were cresting the wave of release.

“Oh God, I’m gonna come! Keep- keep going,” you gasped, “Just like that!” Javier kept his pace steady, working you along as you huffed and breathed faster. He curled his fingers just right and you sped off the edge into oblivion, gulping and grunting and making noises that were almost embarrassing, that didn’t sound like you, but you felt too good to even care. Javier stopped licking and slowed his fingers as you clenched around him, using the broad flat of his tongue to swipe a long, comforting stripe up the outside of your labia. When you were finished coming, he pulled his fingers out slowly and sat up on his haunches, smiling like a prizewinner.

He wiped one broad, flat hand down his mouth and chin, and then crawled up the bed to lay next to you, stroking you from hip to breast with his thick fingers. “Was that okay, cariño?”

You groaned out a chuckle, “Oh yeah, that was good.” You rolled onto your side to face him, and drew him in for a deep kiss. You loved the mix of how he smelled and tasted, your own salty musk blending with his spicy cologne and the smoky phantoms of cigarettes past and his after-dinner coffee. As you kissed, his hand came up to stroke a trail of goosebumps on your shoulder, and you reached yours down to stroke his cock to attention. The heft of him was thick and warm in your hand, and within seconds he was hard and throbbing. You ran the pad of your thumb up the bottom of his head and over his slit gently, and you giggled as he shuddered and reached down to pull your hand away.

“You keep going like that and I’m not going to last long.” His thick fingers wrapped around yours, and he pulled your hand up to place a long kiss to the inside of your wrist, blowing warm air out through his nose, the feel of it on your skin sending a thrill up your spine. He reached for the condom and opened it, rolling it down his proud length. He put his hand down and stroked your thigh before hooking one hand behind your knee to pull your leg up and over his hip. He held himself so that his tip was buried just at your entrance, then he thrust up and into you in one swift motion. You inhaled sharply and hooked your leg tighter around him, letting him set the pace. He nudged your jaw, nosing up into the crook of your neck and kissing you from ear to chin and back again.

His hot words sent chills down your neck and your nipples stiffened into sensitive buds. “Baby, you feel so fucking good, so hot and wet. Fuck, you’re amazing.”

You kissed him and shushed him, then you pressed an open palm to his chest, “Wait. Roll over. I wanna get on top.”

Javier grinned in the dim light of his bedroom, then he wrapped his big hand around your lower back and pulled you over with him. You shifted and settled into place, and the feeling of being speared on him, of his cock hitting deep inside, of his coarse curls rubbing against your clit was almost to the point of overstimulation. You whined and fell face down into the crook of his neck, smelling his warm spiced fragrance and going limp at the ‘too much’ of it all. He planted his feet flat on the bed and kept his arms wrapped around you, thrusting up, up, up into you over and over. He made the most delicious noises, sounds that might have been words or not, but which conveyed all of his pleasure in little grunts and groans.

You decided you wanted to watch his face, so you sat back up and braced yourself on your knees, rolling your hips in rhythm with his and helping him chase his high.

“God, you look so fucking good on my cock, cariño. So beautiful.” He started to turn glossy with sweat, tiny golden beads reflecting the single lamp beside the bed and making him look surreal. You followed a drip of sweat as it appeared on his neck and then ran down to pool in the hollow at the base of his throat. You tipped forward once more to lick at it, to taste the salt and the smoke of him and nip one tiny bite into his neck before moving up to lick and nibble at his earlobe.

Javier suddenly tensed his legs, giving one big thrust and then hissing out a “Fffff-” between his lips as he came. He thrust again and then stilled, relaxing back into the bed, but keeping you close against him. You let him hold you, your breaths slowing together until you were back, calm again, heartbeats back to center. He released you and held the base of the condom as you lifted off and rolled onto your back. He went to the bathroom, and you heard him run water before he returned with a wrung-out washcloth. He offered it to you, and you declined with a weak wave. He turned and tossed it into the bathroom sink and then motioned for you to scoot off the bed so he could turn the covers down.

He picked up a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, gesturing at you with a raised eyebrow. You put a hand up, “Not a whole one, but I’ll take a drag off yours if that’s ok.”

“Sure thing.” He lit one and passed it to you, and you took a deep drag before handing it back.

“Thanks.” You blew the smoke out in a blue stream.

He crawled into bed and patted the mattress next to him. “Stay,” he looked at you with a smile. “If you want to.” He parked the cigarette back between his plush lips.

You smiled warmly and crawled in next to him. “Okay, just for a little while.” You checked the digital clock beside the bed. “I gotta go home and change, and then get to the coffee shop at 5:00. Can you set the alarm for 4:00?”

He nodded and picked up the clock, pressed a few buttons and slid a switch into place. Then he raised his arm and settled it around your shoulders, and turned off the lamp. You watched the cherry of his cigarette glow and then turn faint, bobbing in the dark as he moved to flick ash into the ashtray on the nightstand.

He murmured low, into the quiet room, “You know, I’m only here for the summer. The consulting job ends in August.” He paused to take the final pull of his cigarette, then stubbed it out in the ashtray. “After that, I gotta go back to D.C.”

You yawned and nodded. “No problem. We can have fun this summer. I’ll take you to Barton Springs and Mount Bonnell, give you the real Austin tour. We can just have fun for now.”

He kissed your forehead, moving down your nose to land soft kisses on your lips. “Okay, summer girl. I’m all yours… for now.”

---

Just-here-for-the-moment’s masterlist

The only tag list I have: @quica-quica-quica @anaaaispunk @justanotherblonde23 @gracie7209 @nicolethered @honestly-shite @driedgreentomatoes @dihra-vesa @1800-fight-me @the-queen-of-fools @juletheghoul @kesskirata @honeymandos @silverwolf319 @mourningbirds1 @greeneyedblondie44 @spacedilf @maxwell–lord @anxiousandboujee @cevvie @sherala007 @writeforfandoms @libellule2001 @deadhumourist @mandoalorian @javierpinme

[bruhstories]

Dazed and Confused

Summary: You and Connie have been friends for ten years, crushing on each other like a bunch of idiots who can't confess their feelings for one another. Until you go on a trip with your friends. Pairing: Connie Springer x Fem!Reader Warnings & Content: 18+, language, oral sex (female & male receiving), unprotected sex, weed smoking, alcohol consumption, f l u f f Word Count: 4.2 k

A/N: I got so pissed at that last anon that I finished this oneshot quicker lol. @fiaficsxo here it is!

You loved parties. Not the loud music and thick smoke, not the booze and smell of vomit, but your friends. Every time they gathered at someone's place, your heart fluttered, filled with happiness and content and long-lasting memories.

Connie had the brilliant idea of spending a week in the mountains during your spring break, and you wasted an entire night searching for the perfect cottage to rent. Luckily everyone was down with his suggestion, the only problem was how you'd sleep. Historia obviously wanted to share a room with Ymir. Mikasa and Eren were an item now, so they'd have to sleep together. Armin wanted to try his luck with Annie, so no one objected to that. Jean declared that he wanted to bunk with Connie, like the two eligible bachelors they were, and that left you and Sasha to share a room together. You didn't mind it, in all honesty you loved Sasha with all your heart — but you secretly hoped someone would pick up on your feelings for Connie and let you sleep with him. You weren't that lucky.

You packed your bag the night before the trip, obsessively ticking everything on your list and double checking every item and pocket. It was ready, with one item missing — the white lace babydoll smoothed on your dorm bed. You chewed the pen cap, debating whether to bring it with you or not. You bought it for special occasions, but you haven't had a dick appointment in a long time, and you doubted you'd have one this week. With a shrug, you decided to bring it — you never know what might happen. Nighttime passed quickly and you soon found yourself all dolled up, albeit still sleepy from all the tossing and turning, excited to make more memories with your friends.

The train station was packed with people, especially students who went back to their hometowns for the break, and you were relieved to find Armin and Mikasa there. You three were always punctual, followed by Jean and Annie. Eren, Sasha and Connie were always late, which is why you told them the train leaves at 7 am instead of 7:30. It was a dirty strategy, but no one wanted to miss such a fun opportunity because of those lazy fuckers. And lo and behold, they decided to appear at 7:15.

"That was some good thinking." Jean shook his head, hand sympathetically placed on your shoulder.

"I'm only glad you guys rolled with it." You laughed without noticing the way Connie stared at you, and even he didn't understand exactly what he felt. Was he grumpy because he hated morning, or was it Jean's hand on you that irked him?

"It's not polite to stare." Sasha pulled Connie out of his thoughts.

"I wasn't staring, I was looking." Connie rolled his eyes, gripping the handle of his suitcase a bit too tightly.

"I just don't get it why you don't tell her you like her." The girl popped a bubblegum baloon, proceeding to chew it very loudly.

"Are you kidding me? She obviously likes Jean. Look how she's laughing!"

Sasha placed an arm on his shoulder, a sheepish smile on her face. "You, my friend, are a dumbass."

"Takes one to know one."

To say that your friends were loud during the train ride was an understatement. They didn't really care about the nasty glares other passengers shot at them, opting to talk, sing, eat and practically embarrass themselves. But two hours later you arrived, and the fresh, crisp air of the mountains was a blessing. You didn't regret coming, all of you deserved a break after all the exams, studying and all-nighters you guys pulled.

"We could visit the military museum!" Armin suggested, but Connie scrunched his nose.

"We came here to get high, drink and spend time together, why the fuck would we visit some old ass building?"

"I'd like to go to the museum." You awkwardly smiled, earning a 'see?' from the blond. Mikasa, Eren and Annie backed you up, and since it was a democracy, you ended up leaving your bags at the cottage and touring the small town to find the military museum. The building wasn't massive, and inside it was dark, with crimson carpets and dim lights. It was actually quite a romantic atmosphere, had it not been for the weapons and armours displayed in glass cases. Connie watched you intently, taking in every movement, every flinch, every hair tucking, every scrunch of your cute nose. You absorbed the information, hungry for knowledge. This was something you and Connie didn't share — yes, you were down to drinking and smoking, but you were also eager to learn and study, while he always preached how 'you can always retake an exam but you can't relive a party.' He wasn't stupid by any means, but unlike you, Jean, Armin and Mikasa — who alwaysstudied and never skipped lectures — Connie would wing it and somehow end up getting better grades. His strategy didn't always work, and sometimes, when you were in college, he'd ask you to tutor him. Now you were second year undergraduates, and while you were studying different subjects, you still made time for each other.

"That's a nice, uhh..." Connie squinted, "...shotgun."

"It's a musket." You chuckled, your fingers accidentally brushing his as you turned around to face him.

"Shotgun, musket, same thing."

"Actually, muskets are muzzle-loaded and fire a single bullet, but shotguns pack multiple pellets in one shell." You explained. "I'm sorry, you're probably not interested in my ramblings."

"No, no, it's... interesting. I just wasn't expecting you to know so much about guns." He rubbed his nape and smiled at you.

"Well, I do study history, in case you forgot."

"How could I forget that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" You awkwardly elbowed Connie. Why was it so hard for you to just tell him your feelings? Oh, right, because you've been friends for ten years and if he didn't like you back, it would only ruin a great friendship.

"It means you brag about it so much it's kind of hard to forget." He told you, quickly realising just how insulting that sounded.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that's how you felt..." You sighed, eyes darting back to the weapons.

"No, I didn't- forget it." Connie shook his head. Well played.

Back at the cottage, with enough food and booze to last the group a month, you decided to stay in your room for the rest of the day. It wasn't the first time you had embarrassing moments with Connie, but this particular one made you anxious to be around him. Did he really dislike you that much, or was it just friendly banter? If you were to ask him, you could find out, but every scenario in your head had a bad outcome, so avoiding him for now was the smartest choice. Sasha pleaded with you to spend the evening in the living room with everyone else, but you brushed her off, telling her you weren't feeling quite well.

"Text me if you need anything." She told you before leaving. It was immature to act this way, you knew that all too well, but it wasn't like Connie cared, right? You eventually decided to go downstairs after finishing a long episode of your favourite tv show, your stomach begging for nourishment. As silently as possible, you tiptoed behind the couch. The hallway was dim, the sun had already set, and the only lights were the ones from the wide TV screen in the living room where your friends were watching some corny horror movie. You could cut the suspense and tension with a knife, and when you dropped a teaspoon, everyone jumped.

"Sorry, sorry! It's just me!"

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, you almost gave me a heart attack." Jean got up from the floor and walked behind the couch. "How are you feeling? Sasha said you're ill."

"I'm fine, don't worry." You picked the spoon up and threw it in the sink. "It's just a headache, I'll sleep it off."

"Good, we need you here." The man wrapped an arm around you. "You're missing how Connie's crapping his pants at this shitty movie."

From the outside it would seem like you and Jean were a couple, but the truth was far from it. You two grew up together, his family was friends with your family, and what you had was nothing more than a brother-sister relationship. Jean's little remark earned a disgruntled look from Connie, you quickly picked up on that, and so you playfully jabbed him in the stomach.

"Connie's crapping his pants? You're the one who almost had a heart attack." You grinned.

"Oi, that was only because you dropped your stupid spoon. I was invested in the movie."

"Mhm, sure you were."

"Hey, you sure you don't want to join us?" Mikasa waved at you from the living room. You pondered over her question. Perhaps it wouldn't be too awkward to sit with them.

"Alright, sure, why not?"

"Come, sit next to me." Sasha shuffled to the side, but what she really meant by that was 'sit next to Connie', because she shuffled to the otherside.

The following two nights were surprisingly quiet, all you did was play board games, watch movies and walk around the town taking pictures. The tension between Connie and you seemed to dissipate, and you both forgot the unpleasant interaction you had on the first day. But on the fourth night, that's when shit hit the fan. Annie and Armin left for a date, and Eren and Mikasa wanted to spend the night alone in their room, leaving you, Sasha, Jean and Connie unsupervised, bored and tipsy. There was absolutely nothing good to watch on the TV, and you almost wanted to scream when your friends wanted to play truth or dare. It was one of those games you despised, because the whole point of it was to put the players in uncomfortable situations. And you didn't like being uncomfortable, unlike your friends.

"Jean, truth or dare?" Sasha beamed.

"Dare, duh."

"Alright, I dare you to switch roommates for the rest of the week." She sipped her blackberry cider.

"Okay? So, I'll stay with Y/N, then."

Good lord, if looks could kill, Connie's would annihilate Jean and Sasha off the face of the Earth.

"No, no, you'll stay with me. Y/N will stay with Connie."

"Eh? Why does your dare involve us?" You asked, confused and curious of your friend's proposal.

"Because." She shrugged. "Don't pussy out."

"I'm not pussying out. A dare's a dare." Jean scoffed. "I'm gonna go take my shit in your room and shower."

"Y-yeah, I'll go bring mine, too." You got up, using this time to hyperventilate alone. What the fuck was Sasha even thinking? Was this some stupid joke? But your friends wouldn't harm you, so why would she suggest such a stupid thing?

You took a quick shower before curling up in the bed, blankets covering you from neck to toe. Connie wasn't back yet, and you didn't want to go after him, that would just be odd. You were hoping you'd fall asleep before he returned, to avoid any unnecessary fuss, but just as you closed your eyes, the door opened. Maybe you could pretend you were asleep? He struggled to find his pyjamas in the dark, stumbling over furniture and knocking things down, and you turned the bedside lamp on to ease his search.

"Did I wake you up?" Connie bit his lower lip, and through the dim light you watched the way his grey eyes glistened, the way his short brown hair was ruffled, and how the sage green t-shirt hugged his toned abdomen.

"No, no, 's alright. I wasn't sleeping. I can't exactly fall asleep." You clutched the blanket at your chest as you shook the intrusive thoughts away. Connie was your friend, damn it, there was no room for romance between you.

"I can sleep on the floor if you want."

"Oh, God, no, it's... stiff."

"Um, yeah, it kinda is. Alright then, I'll jump in the shower real quick before going to bed." He stumbled into the bathroom and you really wanted to fall asleep now.

But you couldn't. Every time you closed your eyes, Connie's face popped in your head. So much for resting. You tossed and turned on the mattress, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but nothing helped. It didn't take long for him to finish his shower, and you mentally chastised yourself for not falling asleep when you felt him shuffle under the same blanket that was covering you. For a minute, you didn't utter a word, you barely breathed, afraid to disturb the silence in the room.

"Are you asleep?"

"Nope." You heard the click of Connie's phone and turned around. You couldn't see him, but you could hear him.

"Do you wanna talk about something? Until we fall asleep, I mean." You suggested.

"Hmm, sure." He turned on his side and you felt his breath fanning over your cheeks. You were too close to him. "Actually, d'you wanna smoke?"

"Aren't the others gonna be mad if we smoke without them?"

"They don't have to know. Besides, you and I never smoked together." Connie was already up, rummaging through his backpack with the flashlight of his phone. "And then we can talk as much as you want."

"Alright, I'm down."

You laid on the floor, your head next to Connie's as you looked at the ceiling, smoke leaving your lips. He took the joint from you, fingers touching yours and you blushed, the haze of the weed melting your worries away.

"Do you want me to skip the song?" Connie asked, and for a moment you forgot there was a song playing.

"No, I like it." You confessed. "I didn't know you liked Led Zeppelin."

"There's lots of things you don't know about me, Y/N." He passed you the joint.

"Okay, tell me something else I don't know."

"I like it when you randomly say historical or scientific facts."

"Didn't you say I brag too much about it?" You took one final drag before you stubbed the joint out in a makeshift ashtray filled with a bit of water. By this point you were high as a kite, every trace of rationality gone.

"That doesn't mean I don't like it." Connie smiled and you could feel it in his voice. "Now you tell me something I don't know about you."

"I can't sleep with open doors. It freaks me out." You sat up, a breeze blowing through the window sending shivers down your spine. "It's a bit cold, do you mind if I close the window?"

"Go ahead."

You got up and picked the ashtray up but before you could close the window, you stumbled over a chest of drawers, the ashes mixed with water spilling over your t-shirt.

"You okay?" He quickly crawled to you, concern written all over his face.

"Yeah, I'm just clumsy." You laughed it off and waved your free hand. "I'll go get changed, I should have a spare shirt."

But you didn't have a spare shirt. All you had was that stupid white babydoll, and anxiety seeped through your veins. You couldn't exactly show up in that in front of your crush. And you didn't want to ask him for a shirt either. Fuck it, what else could you do?

You peeked out the bathroom door and saw Connie back in bed, lazily scrolling through his phone. God, this was embarrassing.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." He laughed, but when your facial expression didn't change, he frowned. "Y/N?"

"Um, so, I didn't have a spare shirt and- Jesus, this is awkward." You opened the door and his eyes widened. "Is it alright if I sleep in this?"

"Oh, I get it now." Connie scoffed.

"Get what?"

"You were hoping you'd share a room with Jean, right?" He sounded almost disgusted.

"Excuse you? Where did you even get that idea?" You slammed the bathroom door shut, arms folded across your chest.

"I'm not stupid, Y/N. I've seen the way you two act. Do yourselves a favour and just fuck already."

You were speechless. Completely reactionless. The weed amplified your anger, but his words brought tears to your eyes.

"You... you fucking asshole! You think I brought this for Jean? I brought it for you!"

"Eh? M-me?" Connie was confused, and you were pissed.

"Yes, you. Jean's like a brother to me, oh my God! Ew!"

"Wait, so you and Jean are not in love with each other?"

"In love?? Connie, how high are you exactly?" You walked closer to the bed, arms still crossed.

"But- Fuck, I am stupid." He shook his head, the memories of you flirting with him flashing before his eyes. "I fucked up, didn't I?"

"A bit..." Your muscles relaxed and you sat on the mattress. "Really, Connie, I... I like you. A lot. But you're always giving me mixed signals."

"That's because I always thought you liked Jean!" He threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"No, you're the only one."

"Huh, guess I've really been dazed and confused."

Calloused fingertips ran across your hips leaving goosebumps in their trail. Your hands roamed his back and the way Connie kissed you was better than any high you've ever experienced. He was touch-starved, and you were just as needy. His knee found its place between your thighs and you moaned when it barely brushed your cunt.

"I've been dreaming for this moment for as long as I can remember." Connie breathed into your neck, the hot breath tickling your skin.

"Me too, you blind bat." You laughed and he turned you over, hovering over you.

"'M sorry I didn't notice quicker." He kissed you again. One hand travelled lower, pushing your underwear to the side before he pushed two fingers between your folds. "Fuck, you're so wet."

"Well, at least now I don't have to finger myself thinking about you." You whimpered with a grin.

"Oh?" Connie arched a brow. "Is that what you've been doing?" He curled up his fingers and you threw your head back with a moan. "I thought you were a prude."

"T-there's lots of things you d-don't know about m-me!" You replied back between oh’sand ah’s, imitating his words from an hour ago. That only earned a sneer from Connie, his head dipping between your thighs. "Wait, what are you do- ooh fuck!"

His tongue lapped at your cunt, fingers pumping in and out of you, and you completely sunk into the mattress, moaning his name over and over again. You gripped the sheets, flexing the muscles in your legs as you squirmed and thrashed. Connie stopped and you almost crushed his skull with your thighs at the empty feeling. He pulled your underwear down and shoved the cotton panties in your mouth.

"Don't wake everyone up, Y/N. You don't want them knowing what a little slut you are, do you?"

You shook your head and Connie went back to circling your clit with his tongue, adrenaline rushing through your entire body with each lick, each suck. Tears of pleasure pooled at your eyes, nose and cheeks red from the thrill of your incoming orgasm. The way he was sloppily eating your pussy and moaning while doing it drove you insane, and within seconds you came undone, thighs trembling with delight. In fact, you were so sore you had to push his head back, begging him to stop so you could return the favour.

"You taste so sweet." Connie licked his lips. You don't know what possessed you to pull him into a kiss after you removed the makeshift gag, but he was right, you were sweet.

"Can I...?" Your eyes drifted down to his twitching cock, your voice soft and quiet.

"You wanna suck it?"

"Yes."

"Later. Right now, I wanna fuck you."

Connie gave you no time to protest, his elbow pushed one of your things to the side, the blushing tip of his cock grazing over your overstimulated clit, up and down your slit. Inch by inch it disappeared into your cunt and he let out a satisfied sigh. You bucked your hips, manicured nails digging into his shoulders with each thrust.

"Shit, you're so fucking tight!" Connie growled, head lowering to kiss you. You could still taste yourself on his lips and that only made you clench your spongy walls around his cock. That seemed to please him, because he rocked his hips harder and faster. "You like it?"

"Oh, God, yes!" You gasped, beads of sweat forming on your forehead as you clawed his back.

"Fuck, I want you to ride me." He gripped your hips tighter and turned you over. You tried your best to get in the new position without letting his cock slip out of you, and when you finally adjusted yourself, it was a whole new challenge. Gravity pulled you down, and his tip brushed your cervix, your eyes squinting at the slight pain. "If it hurts, stop-"

"No!" You cried out, your hands resting on his chest. You bounced up and down, the uncomfortable feeling slowly replaced with pleasure. Connie's hands traced your thighs as you rode him, another wave of heat flushing through your core. His palm met your cunt, thumb circling over your clit. "I can't c-come again!"

"Yes, you can. And you will cream on my cock."

The disgust words worked like magic and you flexed your thighs, bouncing faster, head thrown back, hair cascading down your back. "You're so beautiful, Y/N."

"Connie, I-" The words stopped in your throat, the pressure too much for you to handle.

"You what?"

"I'm- oh, God!"

"Atta girl!" He praised you when he felt your silken walls relaxing and your thighs quaking. The second orgasm was so intense you let yourself fall over his chest, dizzy and tired. You thought he'd give you a break, but Connie wrapped an arm around your back, holding you in place before giving your oversensitive cunt a few more thrusts. "Now you can return the favour."

You mustered up some strength to get up and kneel in front of the bed, between his legs.

"Please don't come in my mouth." You asked him before wrapping your pretty lips around his cock.

"Gotchaah-" Connie choked on his words when he felt himself in your hot mouth. You bobbed your head up and down, cheeks hollowed and eyes on him. You didn't break eye contact when you pulled away and spat on the tip, hand pumping his cock to smear the spit. "Hot." He mumbled before you went back to sucking. You felt the throbbing, tightening your lips around him and picking up the pace. "Y/N-"

It all happened in a flash — Connie yanked your hair and pulled your head back, thick ropes of milky white cum shooting all over your face and neck.

"Eew!" You scrunched your nose, hand under your chin to stop it from dripping down the floor.

"What do you mean ew? That's, like, a billion kids!"

"Actually, a fertile man produces around-"

"Don't start. Do not." He pressed his index finger over your lips. "Let's get you cleaned up."

You woke up sore, especially between your thighs, but damn, was it worth it. Connie wrapped an arm around your waist, mumbling something about how pretty you are, but you assumed he was still sleeping — or still high. The sun shone through the blinds and you squinted, annoyed by the brightness, and so you turned around, watching the way your crush snored peacefully.

"Cute." You smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead, waking him up. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"Why?" Connie rubbed his eyes. "Waking up to you is a blessing."

You couldn't hide the tinting of your cheeks and the grin on your lips. "I didn't think you were the romantic type."

"There's lots of things-"

"I don't know about you. But I'd like to know those things. If you let me, of course." You bit your lower lip, eyes filled with hope.

"Can I be your boyfriend?" He sat up, his eyes serious.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Okay, so maybe Sasha knew a thing or two when she dared Jean to switch roommates.

You walked into the kitchen after getting ready for the day, with Connie following behind you. Everyone was eating their breakfast, and Jean instantly dashed to you.

"Connie, bro, take me back. Sasha's leaving crumbs all over the bed! I can't sleep like that!"

"I can't, man, I wanna spend the rest of the week with my girlfriend." He sneered and you elbowed him.

"I forgot to mention Jean's overprotecti-"

"Your what? Hands off my sister from another mister, you creep!"

"Creep? You're the one who was sexting someone's sister last night." Sasha chimed in, mouth full of cereal.

"Thanks, Sash." Jean rolled his eyes. "For real, how did this happen?"

"You see, mate, when a man and a woman love each other-"

"Nope. I will not hear this."

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 17 Transcript: Sam is Sam Unless He's Shirtless, In Which Case He is Jared Padalecki

[intro guitar music]

G: Hello, my name is Grey.

C: And my name is Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, a Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show several times…

C: And I, someone who only knows the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian.

G: Both Asian!

-

G: So, for today's episode, we will be discussing Season 1, Episode 17: “Hell House,” written by Trey Callaway, directed by Chris Law. Both of these people only worked on this one episode of Supernatural.

C: Oh, interesting. Yeah, that makes sense. The writing felt off.

G: What do you mean?

C: Oh, I mean, I think that just all the teenagers felt incredibly artificial in this episode. And also, this is a lot more lighthearted than "Shadow," and it's kind of weird how light-hearted it is, following "Shadow."

G: Yes. They mention the events of "Shadow" literally once in the episode, and they were like, "No, time for some funsies!"

C: Yeah, no, same energy as like, "Sure, Cas died, but we can't spend all time mourning him. Let's go eat cake!" - Or pie, sorry.

G: So, before going in, I know that you don't know much about this episode.

C: Yes.

G: So what did you expect?

C: Okay, I just assumed from the title that there would be demons involved because of hell, and I was like, "Well, it would be fun if this was like, kind of like, 'Mystery Spot,' like, a haunting attraction, but like, there are demons in it." "Hell House" also sounds like what you would call a TikTok influencer house, honestly, [G laughs] but I figured that since this is in 2005, there are no demon TikTok influencer houses.

-

C: We start in Richardson, Texas, two months ago, and there's a group of people walking in the dark. We find out later that they're supposed to be teenagers, but they look like 30-year-olds playing high-schoolers playing 20-year-olds. Something's incredibly off about these kids.

So, it's three guys and one girl. They're heading towards this deserted cabin. The person leading the expedition, his name is Craig, and he says that his cousin told him about it, and that there was like, some kind of spirit in the basement that, whenever a girl goes in, he will string them up in the basement. Um, so yeah, that's fun. Some of the people are more reluctant to go in, and then one guy asks the girl, "Do you want me to hold your hand?" She takes it, and then he says, "Are there any other parts I can hold?" [G groans] Um, okay, cool. Great.

G: The thing is, when he said, like, "Do you want me to hold your hand?" and then she does, I was like, "Aw, that's so sweet!" Like, they're friends, and they're holding hands. It's very sweet.

C: Yeah.

G: And then, like, he made that comment, and I was like, "No. No." [C laughs]

C: Yeah, no. [disgusted sounds]

So, she says, "Eww," and, like, slaps him. And it- [sighs] Okay, 'cause later, we see another group of teenagers, and there's like, a girl and it's like, "Oh, like, if you don't go in, then like, oh, then like, the dare is that you have to make out with me." Like, this is said by some teenage guy that's with them. And she also just like, "Ew, no!" thing, and it's just- I don't know. Like, this man only has one teenage girl that he knows how to write, and I'm very annoyed at this category of teenage girl.

G: I think it was a product of the time because, now, that kind of joke in any friend group - unless it's, you know, obviously a joke - wouldn't pass. Because - I don't know. Like, people are just more aware of consent now, I guess.

C: Uh, so they head inside, and there are weird symbols painted on the walls. They head into the root cellar, where there are some jars of stuff and nothing else, really. So one of the guys is like, "Oh, like, there's nothing here," blah blah blah, and he's laughing, and then, suddenly, like, everyone else freezes and is looking over his shoulder. And he goes, "What?" and turns around, and there is a girl strung up and hanging from the rafters of the barn. Ahh.

G: Okay, I just have a question about this scene. Because later on, way later on, the guy says, "And now that girl is dead," talking about one girl, the girl that dies a little bit later.

C: Yeah. Like, who is this girl?

G: Who is this girl? What was she doing here? Who is this person? And like, you know that scene later on, where the girl, like, you know, the one who drew the symbols. She was like, playing pretend-

C: Yeah, she like, jokingly like, puts a noose around her neck. Yeah, I was like, "Was that her?"

G: Yeah. She was wearing makeup too, like, pale makeup. So I was like, "Was that her? How did she get in there? How did she get off there?"

C: Yeah, how is she hanging up there, and still alive?

G: Yeah. Who is this girl? I don't know. I have no idea.

C: Yeah, I mean maybe she's just part of the tulpa? Like, she's not a real person.

G: Mm, maybe so. That's how the tulpa first manifested.

C: Yeah. And they said they couldn't find her on any like, missing persons reports or whatever, so she might just not be a real person.

-

G: So, we go to Interstate 35, which means absolutely nothing to me, but I assume it's a highway in or towards Texas.

C: Yes. Somewhere.

G: Yeah. It's somewhere over there. And Dean is driving down the road while Sam is sleeping, and a Blue Oyster Cult song is playing in the car tape deck. I kind of feel like this entire episode is just a long commercial for Blue Oyster Cult.

C: Well, they already got their "Don't Fear the Reaper" scene. I feel like they're being a little greedy here.

G: Dean, prankster that he is, puts a plastic spoon in sleeping Sam's mouth and takes a picture of him. [laughs] Which is always so funny because the picture screen is literally not the picture screen. Like, it's just home screen and then he clicks on a random button [C laughs], and it shows the options of the cell phone. You are not taking pictures, Dean. Those are pictures that you're taking!

C: Yeah, 'cause later, when Sam's taking pictures, you can actually tell that he's doing it. But yeah, no, they did not do a good job here.

This scene is iconic, though. I've seen it so much.

G: Yes. And we get a couple of iconic scenes and shots in this episode, which is pretty fun. Like, for an episode that's quite insignificant, like, you know, nothing really happens, it had a lot of iconic moments.

C: Okay, but I think, specifically, all the iconic Sam moments, they're here because there's this one scenepack of like, Sam goofy funny moments that's on YouTube that's like, basically every moment of Sam smiling or laughing. For every ensemble AMV that's made with Sam, Dean, and Cas by someone who clearly only cares about Dean and Cas [G laughs], all of the Sam scenes in those AMVs are clearly taken from that one YouTube video.

G: [still laughing] Screaming! Am I guilty of this?

C: [laughing] Did you do this?

G: I don't think so. I have made one ensemble AMV of Dean, Cas, and Sam-

C: Like, no offense to my friends who may have done this before, but, like, every time I see an AMV that's an ensemble one, and I see like, in succession, like, Sam with a spoon in his mouth, Sam losing his shoe, Sam covered and glitter, and then like, Sam laughing as he pulls the thing in the restaurant, I'm like, "Oh, you just took that one scenepack. So you don't care about Sam." [laughs]

G: I, actually, by virtue, don't use scenepacks when I'm making AMVs. I scour through episodes. Because I- like, that same thing. I don't want to have generic shots and generic scenes.

C: Wow.

G: [laughing] I am above everyone else.

C: Your artistic vision.

G: Yeah. Anyway, Dean, having had this fun, turns the music up and sings along. And then Sam wakes up and spits out the spoon, and we get the, again, iconic scene of Dean playing air drums on his steering wheel, which I have used in an AMV. [laughs]

C: Yeah, I've seen it in every Dean AMV.

G: I- but I have this person blocked, so I don't want to say what their AMV is. [C laugh-screams] It's a good AMV though.

C: You can tell me.

G: Okay.

[loud beep]

C: Yeah, so anyway, don't cut any of this out. [both laughing] Put it all on Spotify. [laughing] Definitely not.

G: Sam is awake now, and he says, "Haha, Dean," and Dean apologizes and says that "You gotta make your own scenery here in East Texas." And then we get some dialogue. Basically, it tells us that, like, when they were younger they used to do pranks with each other as well, and that they- these pranks would often escalate, and Sam is against it. And Dean says, like, "What? You're afraid you're gonna get a little Nair in your shampoo again?" [laughs] And all I can think of is that one post that's like-

C: [laughing] Yeah, no, like "People who don't have siblings call this-"

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah! [laughing] Should we repeat the post or is that too mean?

G: I don't know. I think we should. Just so the audience has context of what we're talking about.

C: Like, "people without siblings call Dean putting Nair in Sam's shampoo abuse"? Is that like, the general wording of the post? I don't remember.

G: I think that's basically the post, right?

C: Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah my sister has let loose like, a- like, a hamster doll with like, spinning wheels in my hair. Like, all is fine and the world of siblings.

And like, okay, I don't want to discount like, that there is actual sibling abuse that occurs, like, in the world and possibly also in Supernatural, but I do think that the Nair thing is sorta just siblings.

Oh, something else I want to bring up. When Sam- when Sam's being anti-prank war he says, "Man, we're not kids anymore, Dean," and I'm- because I'm still thinking about Dean in "Shadow" and how he wants everything to go back to how it was before, and I'm trying to reconcile the light-heartedness of this episode with "Shadow," so I think maybe Dean is trying to recreate like, their childhood again as a reaction to "Shadow," and prank wars is the way to do it.

G: I think that makes sense. That makes sense as a reading of what happens.

Anyway, so after that comment, Sam picks up the challenge and. That's the end of that segment. We go to the like, actual case parts now, and Dean asks Sam for the lowdown of the case. And Sam basically relays what happened in the intro, like, what Crystal said earlier, but a new information for us is that when the cops arrived, the body was gone. So cops think the kids were pranking.

C: Yeah. Also, Sam calls the spirit "pretty misogynistic" because he's a feminist king.

G: Yeah, but he also says "son of a bitch" later on, so. [laughs]

C: I know, I know. You win some, you lose some.

G: Sam says, though, that he read the first-hand accounts of the kids, and they seem to be telling the truth. Dean asked where Sam read their accounts, and Sam confesses that he was surfing hellhoundslair.com for cases on the way to Texas. And Dean is like, teasingly disapproving of this, but Sam argues that they let Dead leave, which he thinks is a mistake, so now they gotta find something to hunt.

C: Which is weird, right? Like, in "Shadow," Sam's like, "I can't wait to stop hunting and be a person again," and now he's like, "Well, if we're driving through Texas, we should do a hunt." Like, that's not Sam.

G: Hm. I think, because, like, his vision of like, stopping hunting is more after they reconcile with John and after they finish killing what killed their mom and Jess. I think it makes sense that here, he's like, doing the thing that we thought he would do in "Scarecrow," which is say that "We have to save the people who are still alive."

C: Yeah.

G: You know, like, "In the meantime, let's just save the people who are still alive."

C: Yeah, that makes sense.

G: It's a couple of episodes late, but. [both laugh] We got there.

-

C: They decided to find the kids at some fast food place. Sam says that "this is the place you always find kids in a town like this."

G: In a fucking diner?

C: Yeah, like, in a diner? Is this, like, a huge hangout spot for the teens?

G: [laughs] I feel like, it's like, Riverdale-core. What, were are we, the 50's? Like, are kids literally in diners all the time?

C: Yeah, no, it just makes no sense. Like, I was like, is this Stranger Things? Like, what's happening? Like, when that guy- when one of the kids is like, working at the fast food joint and is wearing his little hat, I was like, this is literally just Stranger Things.

So they show up at this diner, and Sam and Dean start interviewing the kids who are there. And this is a pretty fun segment because they're shooting it like they do a lot of interrogation segments in like, light-hearted mystery shows where they're cutting back and forth between all the answers to create one cohesive - or in this case, non-cohesive - narrative. Yeah, they relay what they saw. Creepy house, symbols on the walls, there was a girl hanging there from the rafters, but they all saw her with different colored hair, and they all saw her in different states of aliveness and motion. Uh, also, one of the guys calls the dead girl [both laughing] "kinda hot in a dead sort of way."

G: And then- [laughs] And then Dean's face was like, "Okay..."

C: "Okay!"

G: And then Sam's face, too! It's so fucking funny! God.

C: [laughing] Yeah. They are judgmental.

And they find out that the person who took them was Craig, who isn't there.

So Sam and Dean go into a music shop where Craig apparently works. And they say, "Oh, we're reporters with the Dallas Morning News. We want to ask about this local haunting." Craig says that this place is called the Hell House, and that the story that he knows is that, back in the 30s, some farmer named Mordechai Murdoch lived there with his six daughters, but because it was the Great Depression, he couldn't feed his kids. So he decided that it would be more merciful to just kill them fast, instead of having them die of starvation. And he attacked them and strung them up in the rafters. And afterwards, he hung himself. And now, his spirit just strings up any other girl that goes inside.

This is not a well-formulated story. Like, I feel like, the fact - like, I think the issue, I think, like, if this was an actual spirit, it would make more sense for him to go after any children who enter, right? Because the issue is that they were his kids, not that they were like, female.

G: Yeah. And also like, I was just wondering about like, what? Why didn't he just cannibalize one of the kids? Come on.

C: Yeah, exactly! I was like, come on. Just pick your least favorite kid, and serve up a pot roast. And then partway through, the girls can realize that one of them is missing, and like, scream and cry. Like, that's so much more fun as horror.

Oh, and also he mentions again that his cousin Dana was the one who told him the story.

-

G: So, Sam and Dean go to the house to inspect it. And they try the EMF, but apparently EMF doesn't work when there's electricity around? Which is so stupid because they have used an EMF in a house, right?

C: Yeah.

G: In "Home." So they go inside and notice the markings and the sigils on the wall. So Sam comments that some of those sigils cannot possibly be done by Murdoch because they existed after his death. He says that one of the sigils was around for centuries, but the other one is from the 60's in San Francisco. And Dean says, "That's exactly why you never get laid."

C: God, like, what do you talk about with girls, Dean?

G: [laughs] That is his one like, weird comment in this episode, I feel.

C: Yeah, yeah he's recovered a little bit from "Shadow."

G: So Sam starts taking pictures of the sigils, and Dean eyes one up. And he asks Sam if he's seen it before, and Sam hasn't, but Dean has, though he can't pin like, where he has seen it before. Sam touches the sigil and realizes that it's paint. Fresh paint.

G: Dean says, "Well, I hate to agree with any authority figures of any kind, but the cops may be right on this one."

C: He's a libertarian. Everyone who says that Dean would vote blue is wrong. He's literally a libertarian.

G: [laughs] Like, this just reminded me of that- it's commonly pointed out that Sam and Dean's relationship with authority is like, inverted in terms of like, their relationship with their father. I don't think we need to get into it, because it's pretty in your face, but yeah. It just made me think of that.

So, Sam kinda agrees, but they hear rustling, which they go to check, and when they enter they are greeted with... [in unison] the Ghostfacers!

C: And I did not know that they showed up in season 1. I thought that they didn't show up until season 3. I was shocked and bamboozled.

Yeah, and I think as soon as the Ghostfacers showed up - like, the main thing I know about the Ghostfacers is, well, first, Maggie Zeddmore is Asian, so I look forward to seeing her. But second, I know about "you have to go be gay for that poor dead intern!" [both laugh] And yeah, I was like, "Oh my god, is this- is this episode the one with some poor dead gay intern? And is the reason that he dies because, like Supernatural has decided to commit an entire homophobia and have this woman-killing ghost kill a gay man 'cause that's basically the same thing? Like, what's happening?" But no. No dead gay intern.

G: No dead gay interns for this episode. And also, they don't mention the name Ghostfacers. They haven't established it yet.

C: Yeah.

G: We look forward to that in the lowest rated episode of season 3. [laughs]

C: [laughing] Oh, is it really?

G: Yes. Or so I've heard, yeah.

C: Is it bad?

G: I don't fucking know. I mean, it won a GLAAD award, right? [C scream-laughs] Is that that episode? It didn't win a GLAAD award. It was like, nominated. [laughs]

C: [screams] God, Supernatural: loser of the GLAAD award.

G: They deserve to be nominated only to lose, honestly. [laughs]

-

C: Okay, so it's the Ghostfacers. They just look like two nerds. Yeah. They have a lot of ghost-hunting gadgets on them, and they tell Sam and Dean that they're professional paranormal investigators. They have business cards, and it turns out that they run hellhoundslair.com. Okay, I know I just watched a whole episode with both of them in it, but which one is Ed and which one is Harry?

G: Harry is the one who is more scared, and Ed is the one who's more proud, I guess.

C: Oh, okay. Ed's the one with the beard.

G: Yes. I don't even know if that's true [laughs] because I don't remember facial hair. But I think so, yes. Ed is the one with the beard.

C: Okay, and they tell Sam and Dean, "Oh, we know who you are. Amateurs looking for ghosts and cheap thrills," while they're trying to conduct a serious scientific investigation.

They start telling Sam and Dean about EMF. Sam and Dean are pretending that they don't know what they're talking about like, "OMG, EMF? What's that?" They- Sam and Dean ask them a little bit more. Turns out that these two have never seen a ghost before, they just heard a vase fall off a table once in an old house. And Sam and Dean are like, "Okay, we are leaving these clowns behind." So they leave. We find out that Ed and Harry before this smoked some weed and are feeling a bit giggly and stoned.

Okay, so like, Ed and Harry are very clearly, like, nerd guy archetypes. And I feel like they're made fun of because of their lack of bravery, their lack of skill, and also, I think, their lack of masculinity, in that-

G: Yes.

C: Yeah, like, both of them like, mention that they're virgins and all that.

G: [laughs] They mention that they're virgins?

C: No, 'cause he's like, "After we get famous, we'll get to have sex with girls!" [both laugh]

Yeah, okay, what is Supernatural's target audience? Because, like, if your target audience is men, if you want money, you want, like, the Star Wars fans that go to Comic-Con and our kind of like Ed and Harry, right?

G: Yeah.

C: So what did they gain from this?

G: I think, for me, the intention was kind of like, "Oh, look at these nerds, right? And you are a nerd, the person who's watching this."

C: Yeah.

G: "But like, isn't it so funny that you're a nerd, and like, you're watching these like, masculine, masculine, heroic men?"

C: Oh, yeah, like, "You will never be Sam and Dean, but tune in next week and watch our ads, please."

G: Yeah. I don't know. Supernatural, as we know, has a long and winding history of making fun of its fans in the show.

C: That's true.

G: So maybe this is just the beginning of that.

-

C: Okay, so they're outside of the library now, and it turns out that the only person who lived in that house in the 30's was some guy named Martin Murdoch who had two sons and never murdered anyone. Dean can't find any missing persons cases that match that dead girl at the local police station. So, yeah, this is probably all made up. Dean says that they should just have some fun at a bar and then head out. He gets in the car, but Sam does not. He leans down, smiling and waiting for something. Dean turns the key in the car, and suddenly like, this, like, pop music starts playing really, really loudly. I don't know like, what genre it is, what I guess it's just not Dean's usual thing. And then Dean sort of panics because it's very loud and also he's- he's scared of pop music, I guess, and when he tries to turn it off, the wipers of the Impala turn on. So yeah, I guess Sam, what? Like, rewired the buttons of the Impala? Like, how did he do this?

G: No, I think the wipers were already on.

C: Oh, okay.

G: When he turned on the car.

C: Okay. Yeah. Alright. So Dean is freaking out a bit, Sam gets into the car, he is laughing very much. He does this thing where he, like, licks his finger and then-

G: Yeah, and points at himself. [laughs]

C: Pointing at himself. Like, maybe this is a thing that people did in 2005.

G: No, it's-

C: Is it still a thing people do?

G: It's a way to know where the wind blows, right?

C: Yeah.

C: So, it's like, a reference of like, "It's blowing at me"? [laughs] I don't know.

C: [laughing] Yeah, sure. Sure. The wind's blowing at me 'cause I'm the best, or whatever, Sam's trying to communicate.

G: This is- this prank is weak, man. It's weak.

C: Yeah, that's what Dean says. Dean says, "That's all you got? Weak."

Okay, and also Dean says, "That is bush league." What does that mean?

G: I have no idea.

C: Um, okay, the dictionary just says that it means being of a lower group.

G: Oh it's like, in baseball it's like, the Minor League. Says I, the person who doesn't know jack shit about baseball.

C: Nor do I.

-

G: So we go back to the house where these three are walking outside. Basically, one of the girls in the group chose dare in a Truth or Dare game, and her options were to either go inside the house and get a jar from the seller, or make out with the guy in the group. [C groans] So, she goes into the house. And, like, the two remaining people are like, "Oh, would you even take that dare?" And the other guy's like, "Hell no!" But like, I mean, I get it. [laughs] If you don't want to make out someone, you don't want to make out with someone!

C: Yeah, yeah. Also, both of the people like, making fun of her are white, and she is brown which, like, is not maybe that big of a deal, but then her death scene's like, one of the more graphic ones in Supernatural, so it's just overall not a good look.

G: And they also do the thing where like-

C: They call her a straight-A student later.

G: "She's a straight-A student," yeah. [laughing] It's like, okay.

C: Yeah. And, oh, like, I said brown, but specifically, she's South Asian, so, yeah.

G: Anyway, so she goes into the house, and she starts hearing some noises while in the house, and she tries to say like, "Hello, is anyone there?" But obviously, no one responds. And then she goes to the cellar.

C: Sorry, um, there's like, some chicken feet hanging from the fireplace, I think, which I guess is supposed to make the house look scary. But I was just like, "This is what my parents eat at dim sum."

G: Literally we just eat that, bro.

C: Yeah! That's just food. Like, what's up?

G: And also, is that like, fake chicken feet? Or just dry.

C: Right, yeah, 'cause later like, they show like, Craig and his cousin putting them up. Like, did they go kill some chickens for this?

G: Anyway, so she goes to the cellar, where she hears some more noises, which frightens her, and she drops the jar. And she proceeds to walk a bit. This is like, the part where it's like, "Why are you walking inside, girl?" Like, walk to the door.

C: Yeah, no, like, she passed by several jars to walk further in to get the jars further in the cellar. Like, girl, why?

G: And then, a giant of a man attacks her and strings her up. And it's- like you said, it's more graphic than, I guess, some other scenes that we've seen. Although I guess season 1 is a bit more on the graphic side than future seasons.

C: Yeah.

G: This one is like, violent, you know?

C: Yeah. Usual, when people die in Supernatural, you cut away, and then there's a blood splatter. Or you cut away, and you hear a scream. This like, we see her face, and, like, her struggle and her screaming the whole time while the rope is being put around her neck and she's being strung up, until she dies. Like it's very- it's just a lot more detail than we usually get. And it's not good to watch.

G: So, in the morning, Sam and Dean arrive at the scene. And the cops are saying that this girl committed suicide. And they do the whole, like we said earlier, like, "She's academically gifted! So she can't possibly have committed suicide!" And, like, I don't know. It just rubbed me the wrong way. Because, again, the girl was visibly South Asian.

So, Sam asks Dean what he thinks, and Dean admits that they may have missed something. Okay, question. What happened to the other two kids?

C: Yeah, exactly! Like, where are they? Like, they have to be feeling really bad, right? Also, did they just wait there? Like, when... 'cause it's the morning are pulling her out, right?

G: Yeah, And they're taking out the body.

C: Right.

G: They're taking out the body in the morning.

C: Yeah, so did those kids just wait, and they were like, "Well, I guess our friend died in there! Let's go home." [laughs] Like, what are they doing?

-

C: So it's night, and Sam and Dean are trying to get in the house again. But there's two cops patrolling the house because they don't want any other kids going in. They see that Ed and Harry are also coming to investigate the house. And they're wearing like, these goggles and headlamps and stuff. Just a lot of stuff. And Dean decides to use them as a distraction. He yells, "Who you gonna call!" which is the Ghostbusters line, and the cops notice Ed and Harry and start chasing after them. While they're distracted, Sam and Dean head inside the house, and Dean brings up again that he recognizes that weird symbol but he just doesn't know where it came from. They go inside the basement. They're looking at the jars. Okay, it looks like there are more jars there than there were last time, and I thought that this was some kind of fun horror thing where like, this ghost collects a new jar for every person he kills. But I think the props people were just inconsistent.

Dean dares Sam to take a swig of the jar and Sam says, "What the hell would I do that for?" So true, Sam.

G: [laughing] Dean says, [together] "I double dare you." [laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah, no, I think he is very much being a child this episode as a reaction to "Shadow."

G: It's still kinda funny though.

C: Yeah, it's still funny.

They hear a noise in the cabinet, but it's just rats. Dean says, "I hate rats." Sam says, "You would rather it was a ghost?" Dean says, "Yes," and Mordecai has heard his wish and appears with an axe going after them. Sam and Dean shoot at him with their rock salt guns, but nothing happens. And Sam's like, "What the hell kind of spirit is immune to rock salt?"So they start running out of. Mordecai smashes all the jars with his axe in a kind of cool shot, and Sam and Dean run out.

G: They come across Ed and Harry, and these two are like, sneaking around, and they allegedly lost the cops. And we- I think we see the dynamic here, right, that like, Ed is the more, like, "We should do this, we should do this," and Harry is a scaredy cat. Anyway, just at that moment, Sam and Dean bust out of the door and start running away. And Ed and Harry see Mordecai in the doorframe. One of them was taking a video, which is gonna be a bit important later. They also run off, but before they run away, they were caught by the cops and arrested, I presume.

C: Oh, also Ed, when he sees the ghost, says "Sweet Lord," and then Harry says, [in unison] "of the rings." Yes, so they're really digging in on the making fun of nerd guys thing.

-

G: So in the motel room, Dean is pondering over the symbol.

C: Wait, first, can we talk about how the motel is Western-themed, and first it's the shot of the outside of the doors, and there's like, cows on the doorknobs? It's really cute.

G: Aw, that's cute! He says, like, this whole case is bugging him because of the lore inconsistencies. Like, how Mordecai only attacks girls-

C: Well, he says "chicks."

G: [laughs] Yeah, but I didn't want to say chicks, so I changed it to "girls."

C: [laughing] Oh, but I need to say it so that I can pull up a certain spreadsheet that I have. [G laughs]

G: He says, "He only attacks chicks," and yet, it attacked Sam and Dean. And then Dean says, "That explains why he went after you, but why me?"

C: Can I give him half a point?

G: [sighs] For being what?

C: [laughing] Misogynistic against Sam. No, just like, in general, just using being a girl as an insult.

G: I don't think he was using...

C: Yes he was!

G: Oh, okay. I get what you're saying. Yeah, he was using being a girl as an insult. But like, I'm so entrenched in my trans-

C: In your trans Sam-

G: - transmasc Sammy agenda, so, I was like, "He's being transphobic here!"

C: He's being transphobic! [both laugh] Or, if we're talking transfem Sam, then he's being an ally. [both laugh] Yeah, no, but he's using being a girl as an insult, so, is that a point?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. Dean has gotten to 21 misogynies now.

G: God, I can't believe I'm- I was literally like, "This is transphobia, first and foremost." [C laughs]

C: [laughing] This is canonical transphobia.

G: So, Sam is like, "Haha, that's hilarious," and then continues on that the legend also said he hung himself, but the man that attacked them had slit wrists and also had an axe. So the the lore of this ghost is all over the place.

Sam's confused by all this, and then he opens up hellhoundslair.com, and the top article is about what Mordecai really is, according to Ed and Harry, which is a man who chopped his victims with an axe and then slit his wrists. And Sam is like, even more intrigued now, and then Dean realizes where he has seen the symbol before. So they go back to the music store where Craig is working.

-

C: Yeah, so they go to talk to Craig. And they tell him that - well, Dean tell Sam that "I figured out what that symbol is. It's the logo for Blue Oyster Cult." And then he confronts Craig, and he says, "So, are you a fan of Blue Oyster Cult or just scaring the hell out of people? Like, tell us about the house." And Craig says that a few weeks ago, he and his cousin Dana were just bored. So, they went to this house, and they thought it would be funny to make it look like it was haunted. So, they painted some symbols from her theology textbooks and some symbols from albums, and then made up some story about like, a Murdoch guy who used to live there. And he told people, and it spread after one on hellhoundslair.com. And he says, "It just took on a life of its own. I thought it was funny at first, but now that girl's dead." And yeah, he says, "None of it was real, it was totally made up," etc. Sam and Dean are like, "Okay, cool," and they leave.

G: Yeah. It's purely exposition.

C: Yeah.

G: There's the scene, where like- because the scene, where he tells that Dana and him were doing- were writing symbols on the walls. They do like, a flashback where they are writing symbols on the walls, but one of them was so funny because Dana was spray-painting a symbol that was already spray-painted into the wall [C laughs], and I was like, "What are you doing, girl? Are you sealing this with a clear paint."

C: Maybe so.

G: [laughs] Maybe so.

-

G: So, back in the motel-

C: Oh no.

G: Dean enters the room. And he shouts, "Hey, I'm back" to Sam, who is showering. Dean takes out a little pouch of powder, which I guess is itching powder and started dusting this onto Sam's clothes as Sam does exposition from the shower. Sam thinks it's a tulpa, which is a Tibetan thought form. Okay, let's talk about the tulpa first.

C: Yeah, okay before we get into that, tulpas are not actually- they didn't actually originate in Tibet. They're a lot more tied into this religion called theosophy, which was created by a Russian immigrant in the 1800's in the US, but borrows a lot from Eastern mythology. And one of their beliefs is that like, "Oh, there are like, these masters who like, can connect with like, the spirits of the universe or something, and all of them are centered in Tibet." So like, it was just some white person like, using the whole like, Oriental myth or whatever to make up some religion.

G: Oh, was it a white Russian?

C: Yeah, it was a white Russian person who made up this religion. So, I don't know. It's weird that it's now actually-

G: Tibetan.

C: Considered Tibetan by Supernatural when, yeah, it was a whole like, exotification thing to try to make this random religion seem more legit.

Anyway. [laughs] Now, back to the worst thing that's ever happened in Supernatural.

G: Now to the real horror of this episode. [both laugh]

C: Yeah. We've heard of racism, but have you heard of Sam shirtless? Eugh! [G laughs]

G: Sam busts out of the shower, and he is only wearing a towel on his hips. And Dean is like, "Oh, okay. I'm gonna go now, I have to go to get some food," and enters the shower? [both laugh] Go, Dean! Get some food in the shower. But to focus on what is important in this scene [C laughs], like, Sam is shirtless, and he is holding a towel on his hips, and the way he's holding the towel is so funny, because there's a little slit. [laughs]

C: Uh-huh. Yeah, no, this is one of those slits on the dresses.

G: Yeah, like, his right leg is peeking out, girl. Because I guess the towel is too small? [C scream-laughs]

C: It cannot cover all of Sam's cake.

G: Yeah..

C: It's so low on his hips, and it's like, seconds away from slipping off. It's like, like a- one of those backpacks with only one strap on it. Like, it's at that kind of an angle. [G laughs] Yeah, and when he's walking, he- one of his fle- sorry, one of his pecs flexes on its own. [laughing]

G: God. This was- I remember watching this like, last year. Again, I watched, you know, up until here in Supernatural last year as like, my "I'm going to rewatch all of Supernatural!" And then I got bored. But- [C laughs] This scene. [laughs] Maybe this was the scene that made me quit.

C: [overlapping] This was what made you quit Supernatural.

G: [laughing] Yeah. Honestly. I was so shocked, because I would see like, screencaps of this scene, right, and I would always think, "It's from season 6." Because he's so buff!

C: Yeah, that is not the baby-faced season 1 Sam. Like, what is happening under there? So scary.

G: Yeah. Put him back in his clothes!

C: Put him back in his clothes! You know about the post that's like, "Sam is Sam unless he's shirtless, in which case he's Jared Padalecki"?

G: Yeah, it's so true.

C: Yeah. Like, yeah when Sam's shirtless, that's Jared Padalecki, and that's not allowed.

G: [laughs] We don't want Jared Padalecki on our screens!

C: Ugh, can you imagine?

-

C: So now they're at a restaurant. Sam seems to be uncomfortable because Dean put itching powder in his underpants. So, they're talking about the tulpas. Sam says that apparently, in 1915, a group of monks in Tibet visualized a golem in their head and brought it to life. Aren't golems a Jewish thing?

G: Yes, yes. They actually have a golem in this show at some point.

C: Oh, right, when Aaron- Aaron has a golem, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Okay. So they're just really mixing every possible religion that isn't theosophy into this. Sam thinks that the same thing could be happening here, where these 10,000 web surfers brought Mordecai to life by believing in him so much online. Dean says, "People believe in Santa Claus. How come I'm not getting hooked up every Christmas?" And Sam says, "'Cause you're a bad person." [laughs] So true, Sam. And then he shows Dean a photo of one of the symbols in the house, which he says is a "Tibetan spirit sigil." I tried to see if this is an actual symbol. Nothing is coming up besides Supernatural results. He says that the sigil is used to "concentrate meditative thoughts like a magnifying glass," so I guess if people are looking at the symbol and thinking about Mordecai, it could have created him as a tulpa, and this is also probably why he keeps changing, to fit whatever people believe at the moment.

They don't really know how to kill him quite yet, because apparently he's taken on a life of his own, and he's just a thought form now.

G: Supernatural-core.

C: [laughing] Yeah.

And also, Ed and Harry have posted the video that they took of Mordecai yesterday, so there are a lot more hits and people are believing in him even harder. So, Dean says that "Okay, well, I have an idea, but- so let's go." Sam is still scratching and he says that he thinks that they're allergic to their soap. Dean laughs. Sam says, "You did this?" And he says, "You're a friggin' jerk!" [laughs] I love that they can't swear on Supernatural.

G: Okay, I just want to mention too that like, this scene is the first scene that I, personally, am able to look at Sam's eyes like, in lighting that doesn't hide its color. [laughing] And it made me so upset. Because it's so visible that he has green eyes. And it's like, Sam has brown eyes!

C: Sam literally has brown eyes. Like, I don't care. Like, he does have brown eyes.

G: [overlapping] Literally, he has brown eyes. Like, literally he has brown eyes.

C: [overlapping] Like, I don't care what you think. Like, he has brown eyes.

G: Yeah, I don't care that this scene made me face the truth. [C laughs] Well, my truth is that he has brown eyes. He's my beautiful brown-eyed boy. So.

-

G: We go to a trailer. So, Ed and Harry are talking. Harry doesn't want to go back to the house, and Ed is trying to talk him up. Don't you feel like their names are inverted? Like, the vibes, right? Like is supposed to be, like-

C: Yeah, Ed should be the scared one and Harry should be the brave one. That's the vibes of their names. I agree.

G: Yeah, I actually like, mistook them- their names at this scene, and I had to go back and change it in my notes later on when I was like, revealed the truth.

C: It's not your fault. You were still reeling from Sam's eyes not being brown.

G: [laughs] Yeah. And it was just lies after lies after lies. [both laugh]

So, Harry doesn't want to go back to the house, and Ed is trying to talk him up. So he says, "Harry, you're a ghosthunter." And Harry says, "I know, but I've never actually seen a ghost before like, an actual ghost, like, an actual apparition!" And Harry says like, "This is your opportunity to make it big! Fame, money, sex. Dot dot dot. With girls." [laughs

C: [laughing] With girls. They have absolutely fucked. Like, yeah? Like, Ed and Harry have absolutely given each other, like, friendly handies before.

G: [laughing] Yeah. And Harry like, says, "Think about it like this: WWBD. What would Buffy do?" Okay, do you know? Have you seen- have you watched Buffy?

C: Yeah, I know Eric Kripke- I haven't seen Buffy, but I- when I heard this, I was thinking about how Kripke pitched Supernatural as "Buffy without the women."

G: Oh no, for real! I don't know that.

C: [laughing] Yeah, no, he did do that.

G: That's so sad!

I am tempted to watch Buffy. I haven't. But I probably will at some point, because it's referenced a lot in Supernatural, and it's like fundamental to your understanding of Supernatural, apparently according to some people. And I've done this before. Like, I've watched some shows of Star Trek because of Supernatural. So like, might as well, right? [laughs]

C: I probably will not be watching Buffy, but you have fun.

G: Yes, thank you.

C: [laughing] The BABPod sequel is gotta be after Grey's watched every episode of Buffy and I only know about it through social media.

G: [laughing] Exactly!

And Harry says, like, "I know, but Ed, she's stronger than me!" [laughs] And then we hear pounding at the door. It's Sam and Dean. When they open the door, Dean says, like, "Look at that. Action figures in their original packaging. What a shock!" But I was like, "Okay, Supernatural. Show me the action figures."

C: Show me the Castiel Funko Pop! Show me the Castiel Funko Pop!

G: Yeah. [laughs] But I thought it was so funny that they were like, "Oh, look at these action figures," but like, we don't get the money shot of the action figures because they can't afford it. [both laugh]

C: Yeah.

G: Anyway, Dean, says, like, "Shut down the website." He makes the case that, because hellhoundslair.com has thousands of fans, that means people are going to keep coming into the house and keep getting hurt. Harry kind of agrees with this, but Ed was like "nope!" so Harry immediately was like, "Yeah, no, we're not doing that." And then Ed says that they have an obligation to the fans. [laughing] And Dean says, "Well, I have an obligation to kick your ass." [C laughs] At which point Sam stops him, and we realize - the audience - we realized that Sam and Dean are doing a rehearsed bit right now, which is always fun to watch.

C: Yeah.

G: Sam says, like, "I can probably tell them that thing about Mordecai!"

C: Oh, okay, I hate to bring this up as a Sam fan, but first, he says, "We should probably bitch slap both of these guys."

G: Oh no! I cut that out of my memory. Because I hated it.

C: Yeah. Yeah. So I- I do think we need to give Sam something for this.

G: It feels unfair, because, like, the barrier for Sam misogyny is so low.

C: That's true. Because yeah, no, yeah, like, Dean says "son of a bitch" 10 times an episode, and we let it slide. And then Sam says it once, and we're like, "Oh my god, Sam, how could you?"

G: Yeah.

C: You're right. Okay, fine, yeah. But Sam... shaking my head and frowning to show I disapprove of Sam saying bitchslap.

G: [laughing] Don't ever say I never did nothing for you Samgirls.

Sam says like, that. What Crystal said. And then, "I can probably tell them that thing about Mordecai, but they won't help us out, so let's just go!" So they turn to go, and Ed and Harry chase them. Sam and Dean keep doing the like, "don't tell them Sam" "but if they just agree to shut the website" - and then Dean's like, "No, but they won't, so don't tell them." And Ed and Harry go like, "Okay, we'll do it! We'll shut down the website!" And Sam says, "Only if you shut down the website. Only if you promise." And Ed says like, "Totally." And Sam quote unquote "reveals" the truth behind Mordecai, which is that he apparently shot himself with a .45, and that if you shoot him with a .45 with special iron bullets, it kills him. So Harry and Ed are super excited about this.

C: Yeah, they're not shutting down that website.

-

C: Now they're at some other restaurant, and hanging on a wall is like, some 3D fisherman thing, and if you pull a cord, his mouth moves up and down, and, like, some annoying laugh sound plays. Sam tells Dean, "If you pull that string one more time, I'm gonna kill you.And Dean stares at him, and without looking away, pulls it again. Uh, yeah. But Dean says that Sam needs more laughter in his life. We find out that hellhoundslair has updated with the information that Sam and Dean gave Ed and Harry. Yeah, apparently Mordecai Murdoch has a fatal fear of firearms. So they're planning to wait a bit for the new story to spread, and then at night, they can probably just go and shoot this guy.

They like, do cheers with their beers, and Dean picks up his beer bottle, and Sam starts laughing. And it turns out that he superglued the bottle to Dean's hand. Dean says, "You didn't," and Sam says, "Oh, I did," and then starts pulling the string for the fisherman laughter again. It's- this is a good thing, and it's also one that you see in the Sam AMVs- well, the ensemble AMVS for people who don't care about Sam.

G: [laughs] Yeah, his laugh is so fake. Like, Jared Padalecki- [C laughs] this is Jared laughing. This is not Sam. Sam would not laugh like this.

C: It's still cute, though. Like, it's good to see him happy 'cause I know he doesn't get to be later in this show.

G: Yeah.

-

C: So we're now outside the house at night, and the- we're hearing the fisherman laughing- laughing sound, and two cops are like, "I'm hearing something, we should go check it out," and they head over, but it is just the fisherman thing.

G: They fucking stole it. [laughs]

C: I know! How did they take it from the restaurant?

And then while the cops are distracted, Sam and Dean run into the house with their guns. Dean says that he barely has any skin left on his palm because of Sam's superglue. And then Sam says [G laughs] "I'm not touching that line with a 10-foot pole." What does that mean?

G: Actually, I was wondering that too, and I was like, "Is this like-"

C: A masturbation joke?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah, that's what, but it's like-

G: It doesn't make sense.

C: It doesn't work.

G: It's fine. Sam barely cracks any jokes ever, so he's a bit rusty.

C: Yeah, it's okay. You're funny to me, Sam. Even if you're not funny to me. [G laughs]

So, they go in further, and then Ed and Harry are there. But they scare Sam and Dean, and they point their guns at them, and they- Ed and Harry are freaking out a bit. They're filming, and they're trying to get a book and movie deal, apparently. Okay, so a sound comes from the cellar, and they look at it sort of apprehensively. And then Mordecai bursts through with an axe. Sam and Dean shoot at him a bunch, but he just keeps disappearing into mist.

Ed and and Harry are sort of afraid. Harry asks, "Did you get him?" and Ed says, "Yeah, they got him," and Harry says, "No, on camera." [both laugh] So good.

So while they're trying to look through the footage, Mordecai reappears and slams his axe through the camera. And Sam and Dean are like, "What? Why didn't that work? Like, didn't you guys post that story?" And they said, "Yeah, but then our website server crashed." So, yeah, the new story is not well-known or believed, so they don't really know what to do. Ed and Harry run out, but Mordecai blocks them.

G: The way they run out, it's like, they're doing high-pitched screaming.

C: Yeah.

G: And the thing is like, I know that they're making fun of these guys for not being masculine.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: [laughing] But I did find it funny, so maybe I'm part of the problem. [both laugh]

C: Grey misogyny moments. [G laughs] I mean, like, yeah, sorry, if I was in that situation, I would have fainted by now, so these guys are doing a really good job, honestly.

So, yeah, and Mordecai is going after them. They're like, saying some Christianity stuff to try to get him to back off? Yeah, like, [overlapping] "The power of Christ compels you."

But then Sam distracts Mordecai, who pins Sam against the wall with an axe. Ed and Harry run out, whereas Dean is splashing gasoline everywhere in the other room. He comes in, and like, he likes shoots fire Mordecai?

G: And Sam. Like, he shoots fire towards Sam. Like, what do you think is going to happen?

C: And Sam! And Sam! But Sam's like, fine?

G: Yeah, he's completely fine.

C: Yeah, Sam's fine, despite having fire shot at him. And then the two of them run out, and Dean is like, "Well, part of the legend that's currently believed is that Mordecai's forever imprisoned in his home, so let's just- we just gotta burn the whole place up." So, he does that. And Sam's like, "This is not a good solution," but Dean says, "Well, he can't haunt a house if there's no house to haunt. It works. And if the legend changes again, then we'll just have to come back."

And then, Sam says a line that I've seen quoted on Supernatural Tumblr bit, which is, "Kind of makes you wonder. Of all the things we've hunted, how many existed just 'cause people believed in them?" Which is a pretty good line, but then they linger on it for so long-

G: Yeah.

C: -With dramatic music playing as the house burns, so at the end, I was like, "Maybe I just shouldn't even put this as my best line for this episode. Take that!" [both laugh] But no, it's a pretty good line.

And okay, I think- I wish that they- I don't- do they go into this much in future seasons?

G: No. The only time that a tulpa shows up again on my memory is when it's not a tulpa-

C: Boo.

G: -in season 10, episode... 5? 4? Whatever. "Fan Fiction."

C: Ugh. No, 'cause, I think the interesting thing about that is like, I don't like- because this episode is about like, the divide between the hunters - like, the real masculine hunks who believe in ghosts and can like, save people - and then these like, random nerd bros. But it's like, if so many of the monsters that they've hunted in the past only exist because people believe in them, like, hunters are part of the problem, because they're the ones who believe in the monsters, who are collecting information on them, and, like, forming community around hunting them. So like, that would be interesting. But no, it's just still "Lord of the Ring fans are the problem and hunters wear leather jackets" is the moral of this episode.

-

G: So, we go to the epilogue. Ed and Harry are walking into their car from a store, and they passed by Sam and Dean. At first they were like, "Should we tell them? Oh, no. Might as well." And then they tell Sam and Dean being that a Hollywood producer has contacted them who read all about the house and wants to auction the motion picture rights and have them write the movie and also make an RPG. [laughs]

C: And we're supposed to make fun of them for it, but it's like, RPGs are fun!

G: I've actually never play- I don't know. What is an RPG?

C: Oh, like, like, I mean mostly know about like, tabletop role playing games, so like Dungeons and Dragons is probably the best known one, but it's just any kind of role-playing, story-based game, I think.

G: I mean, like, video games are RPG, right? Like, JRPGs are RPGs. But I guess like, the thing that they are talking about here is the tabletop. I've never.

C: Probably, 'cause these are the nerd guys that they're making fun of.

G: Sam and Dean congratulate them, and they were like, "Best of luck!" Ed replies, "Oh, it's- it's nothing to do with luck. Nothing to do with luck at all. It's just sheer, unabashed talent." And then they drive off.

As they drive off, Sam says, [C laughs] "I have a confession to make. I was the one who called them and told them I was a producer." [both laughing] Sam, you're such a meanie!

C: That's so mean!

G: You're so mean! You are so mean.

C: Right, okay, but this implies that Sam told them that they were gonna make the RPG, which means that Sam knows what RPGs are, which means that Sam is a little DnD nerd.

G: Yeah. But also, he's masculine enough to not be like your stereotypical nerd, I guess, is what Supernatural is saying. And then Dean laughs at this, and he says, "Well, I was the one who put the dead fish in their backseat."

C: [laughing] He's so mean.

G: What's wrong with these two? [both laugh]

C: What did Ed and Harry even do wrong, even?

G: Also, like, okay I'm gonna bring it up now. But like, the concept of like, Sam and Dean are hunters, and they know how to hunt. And they use the same equipment as the Ghostfacers, but for some reasons, these two have never seen an actual ghost. Like, why?

C: Yeah, I don't know.

G: Is it because, you know how like, when Sam says that like, trauma lets you be more susceptible to- I don't know, seeing paranormal things?

C: Uh-huh.

G: Is that what- what's happening here? Like, Sam and Dean are so fucking traumatized that they can just see ghosts? [C laughs]

C: Um, I don't think that's the situation. I just think that Ed and Harry are probably just visiting old houses, whereas Sam and Dean are specifically looking for places where a murder that was weird happened recently. And I, yeah, I feel like Ed and Harry just aren't going to that many murder scenes. I feel like that's it.

G: Also, I felt a bit like, defensive during this entire episode. Because I- I am a fan of like, paranormal shows. [laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: Like, I mean, "fan" is a big word, but when I was younger, and you know, like, when you're in third grade and you get only half the day for classes and then the other half you're just at home? I would spend those half of the day watching like, paranormal shows on our television. [C laughs] So, I felt- I felt a bit attacked! [both laugh] As they were like- they were like, "These guys are fakes-"

C: Phonies? Yeah.

G: "-and they don't know what they're doing."

C: You're like, "Tell that to my best friend, Paranormal Show Guy Number 1 and Paranormal Show Guy Number 2."

I just- these guys are literally driving to Los Angeles right now to meet with a producer, right? Like, they're in Texas right now. They're gonna be driving for so long and spending money on motels and gas money for like, nothing. [laughing] Like, Sam you've ruined these men's, like, financial lives!

G: Like, my thought was like, financially, but also like, it's so bad for the environment to drive that long. [laughing] Like, Sam, do you not care about Mother Earth? [both laugh]

C: Yeah! Aren't you environmental students from the University of Colorado, Boulder, recycle, man?

G: Anyway, so Sam and Dean declare a truce from their pranks, and they drive away. And that's how the episode ends.

C: And it's Blue Oyster Cult playing again 'cause this episode is an ad for Blue Oyster Cult.

-

G: Crystal, what did you think about this episode?

C: The case was kind of dumb. [laughs] But it was nice to see Sam smile. [G laughs]

G: Because, like, Sam has been so uptight, right, this entire season. So it's nice to see him loosen up a bit.

C: Yeah.

G: I thought the case- the case was kind of stupid like, kind of on purpose, because, the episode was really light, interspersed with one very violent murder scene, I guess. But like, otherwise, it's very light. And also like, the- the D-plots, you know. The pranks and Ed and Harry are supposed to be comedic. So I get that the plot is a bit goofy. Like, I understand. They can't do a super serious plot- you know when you mentioned in "Route 666" that like, it's like, kind of weird like, they have this like, oh lovey dovey B-plot, and the plot is about racism and hate crimes?

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: I was just thinking like, if they do a serious plot about like, serious stuff in this episode, and then the B-plot is like, "prank war!" that would be weirder. So I accept it for what it is.

C: Yeah, well I don't mean that the mystery had to be serious, I just thought that it wasn't like, a very well-built case, I guess.

G: Yeah.

C: And also, I mean, we don't really like Ed and Harry's portrayal, as we talked about already.

G: It's funny, though! Like, it's funny! It's funny, though.

C: It's funny, though. But not that funny. It's not that funny.

G: It's- it's- yeah. I guess so. It's funny to me because I am a nerd, you know? But, I don't know, if their target audience was like, "Aha, you are muscular men. You- look at these fucking nerds, they're so fucking funny," like, I guess that's a little bit less funny.

Okay, Best Line/Worst Line. So, Crystal, what's your best line?

C: Well, I guess, like I said, I'm still gonna say that the best line is, "Kind of makes you wonder, of all the things we hunted, how many existed just 'cause people believed in them?" 'Cause the potential in that is quite fun.

G: Yeah. I'll just go with you because I literally can't think of any other line in this episode that was good. [laughs]

C: Yeah, no, it was all very goofy.

G: It was very sparse, the good parts of this episode. [both laugh]

What's your worst line?

C: Mm. Uh, probably the "Can I hold another part of you?" Like, that's so- like, shut up.

G: Yeah. I would say, Sam saying "bitch." [C laughs] Sam. Sam. We didn't give you a point, but it deserved a "worst line." [laughs]

C: Yeah, yeah. We will acknowledge it.

G: OK. IMDB rating. What is your guess for the IMDB rating for this episode?

C: Well, okay, I didn't like it very much, but I remember "Phantom Traveler" got like, a pretty high score, possibly because it was funny. So maybe it's like, an 8.2? I don't know.

G: 8.2. Okay. I think this episode was quite weak. Like, especially in comparison to episodes prior. So I think it would be like, "Aw, we're back to pointless shit again?" Like that's kind of the vibe. So I would go for 8.0. I'm temped to go 7.9, actually. Do you think I should go 7.9?

C: I mean, after the last time we checked, maybe it's possible that everything is very low. So yeah, sure.

G: 7.9. Okay.

C: Okay.

G: Oh no!

C: What?

G: 8.3. You got it.

C: Oh! No, I said 8.2, though, right?

G: Oh, okay. But you nearer.

C: Yeah, so neither of us got it. But yeah, okay. I wonder what the good people of IMDB have to say about this.

G: Yeah, they say "it's silly, 6 over 10." "One of the best so far," 8 out of 10.

C: I love that the best so far is still only 8 out of 10.

G: [laughing] What does this person think about "Faith"? That must have been a horrid experience. [C laughs]

C: I definitely think this one was worse than "Faith."

G: Yeah, I think this is also worse than "Faith" because "Faith"'s plot was pretty solid. Like, it was boring, but it was solid.

C: Yeah.

G: Is "Faith" gonna be our baseline for how bad an episode of Supernatural is? That's so mean to "Faith"!

C: It's gonna be really bad in future seasons. Like, every episode is gonna be worse than "Faith."

G: Oh, one of these says that it may be the start of the comedic tone, which I kind of see. Like, the future of Supernatural, it becomes kind of like, a comedy action show, right?

C: Right.

G: So maybe this is the beginning. It's a new concept, and people found it fresh, so.

C: Yeah, right. That makes sense. Someone gave the episode 10 out of 10 but titled the review, "I love Supernatural, but this is not Richardson, Texas." Uh, you and like, Hibbings, Minnesota person should meet up someday.

G: Yeah, maybe you guys will fall in love.

C: Yeah, no, but oh yeah, they said, like, that "currently, Richardson is a full-blown suburb, this looks like what Richardson would have been like 50 years ago." So yeah, we were right. That, like, diner vibe scene, that was very wrong.

G: "Around 35 mark, you can see almost half a camera man's body." [both laugh] "Still a good episode though."

C: I just saw - okay, someone is writing like, meta about the pranks. So, okay, first they said that Dean's hand stuck to the bottle is related to the character - oh my god, no, is- oh my god, what if this was literally foreshadowing for Dean's alcoholism? Noo!

G: Noo!

C: Noo! And then it says that the spoon in Sam's mouth was related to the characters? How so? Is this like, the "born with a silver spoon in your mouth" saying. 'Cause Sam was not born with a-

G: - born with a plastic spoon.

C: [laughing] Yeah, Sam was literally with a plastic spoon in his mouth. Aw, poor Sam.

G: Maybe because, like, they're saying that Sam had the privilege of not knowing as early as Dean. Which is-

C: Yeah, yeah. Which is not necessarily a privilege.

G: Not- not a privilege. But I guess in their scenario, it's, yeah. Wow. This person should go on Tumblr. They'll make numbers.

C: Oh, yeah.

-

G: Okay, so that's it for this episode of Busty Asian Beauties. Next time, we will be talking about Season 1, Episode 18: "Something Wicked." Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts.

C: Follow us on social media! We are on Twitter at twitter.com/BeautiesPodcast and on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #babpod, B-A-B-POD. [laughing] Also, thank you to everyone who's donated to our ko-fi, especially one recent person. I'm- sorry. I'm not going to, though. [laughs]

G: [laughing] Yeah.

C: That was a message for you specifically. [G laughs]

G: You can email us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. See you guys next time. [together] Bye!

[guitar music]

[likefacesaretohearts]

Knocked Up

Pablo and reader grow in their relationship and possibly their family.

Listen to this Kings of Leon song while you readdd

Warnings: fluff, mentions of sex, some slightly graphic language, mentions of unprotected sex, pregnancy

*******************************************************

The last few weeks you spent in Canada with Pablo and his two boys had been amazing. At first you were apprehensive about going on a trip with just him and his kids because you hadn't spent much time with them. Plus, you didn't want to be the stereotypical younger girlfriend that tags along and makes family trips awkward.

"The boys think you're cool. It'll be fun for all of us to spend time together. Trust me, babydoll," Pablo had told you while you were laying in bed the night before you left California.

Thankfully he was right. You got a chance to be with Pablo without all the distractions that were in LA and a chance to really get to know his kids. When you had first started dating Pablo, neither of you were sure if it was gonna be a lasting relationship or just a brief fling, so you agreed that you wouldn't meet his children until you got serious. Without expecting it, you fell quickly and deeply in love within 10 months of being together.

You were on an early morning hike with Pablo on a beautiful trail in the hills when you both decided to take a break and sit on the grass, looking out at a gorgeous wooded area. He had taken his shirt off and beads of sweat glistened off his back, chest and arms. You found his love of nature and being active so sexy— you laid your head on his damp shoulder and let out a contented sigh. "I'm so glad we came here," you said. "I feel like this is the life I wanna live."

"Me too," he said. "It's weird...I never thought someone could just fit in our family, but you do, y/n."

The sun was getting hotter as it got later in the morning, so the two of you decided to head back to the cabin you were staying in because the kids would be awake soon. You made a beeline for the shower because, well, you were in dire need of one after that hike. Peeling off your leggings and tank top and then feeling the cool water against your skin was an unmatched feeling. After a few minutes you heard a light knock on the bathroom door and Pablo asking "Ok if I come in?"

"Yeah, babe," you shouted so he could hear you. You figured that maybe he had to pee or wanted to brush his teeth or something. Instead, he opened the shower curtain and soon he was in the shower right behind you, planting a kiss on your bare shoulder. He grabbed the bottle of body wash that was nearby and said "Can I get under the water baby?" You switched spots with him so he could rinse himself off too.

"Rose hip oil? What the hell does that do?" He was reading the bottle of body wash in confusion.

"I don't know, but it smells good, right?" You replied.

He stepped closer to you so that his chest was touching yours and said "You smell good" with a very sly smile. "Ah so that's why you came in here," you said with a laugh. "You sneaky bastard." Pablo grabbed you and started kissing you as if he were in need of air and you were the only supply of it. His hand traveled down to your ass, then wandered between your legs. His dick was hard against your thigh and he whispered lustfully on your ear "You're so beautiful, honey. Let me show you how beautiful you are." Between heavy kisses you managed to say "Oh, baby I want to but I can't right now." You and Pablo both had very high sex drives and there was rarely a time when the two of you didn't feel like having sex...except for when you were ovulating. That was a time when the two of you were very careful and refrained from being together during that window of time because you weren't on birth control and you hadn't had a conversation about having children together yet. Hell, you were just now becoming comfortable with the two children that he had.

A look of understanding spread across his face, and he grabbed your face in his hands then kissed your forehead then your lips. "Alright sweetheart. How about I make you breakfast instead? What do you want, we got just about everything in the kitchen..."

"Surprise me," you said with a smile. He jumped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, leaving you to relax some more and exfoliate.

Fresh out of the shower and dressed in a pair of shorts and a comfy sweatshirt, you went into the kitchen to see what Pablo was cooking. "Blueberry or pecan?" He asked. Waffles. "Hmm...both!" The boys were at the other end of the house in the living room playing video games, but even though they weren't close by he lowered his voice when he said "So about earlier...would it be so bad?" Pablo did this sometimes, speaking as if you already knew what he was talking about without actually explaining first and you'd have to reel him in. "Babe, did you have the first part of this conversation without me?"

He put some freshly made waffles on a plate and started making more. "Remember in the shower earlier? When you said you couldn't..." he raised his eyebrows at the risk of the kids somehow hearing his say the word 'sex'. "Would it be so bad if we did... had a baby?"

You almost choked on the coffee you had been sipping. Of course you loved him and you wanted kids, you always had, but you had no idea he had even thought about having more. After taking a second to gather you thoughts, you said "You want another baby?"

"I mean, yeah. I never really put a time or intention on it because I haven't been in a serious relationship in a while, but it's something that's always been in the back of my mind. I don't wanna freak you out if it's too soon for you to think about...but I can see that for us. What if we had alittle girl that looks just like you?"

Hearing him talk like that made you emotional for some reason. It was the thing everyone who wants a family wants to hear their partner say. You got up and hugged him from behind as he continued to cook and kissed his shoulder.

"So you're open to it?" He asked sheepishly.

"Mhm," you said, smiling. He turned around and planted a sweet kiss on your lips.

"Boys, breakfast is ready. Come & get it!"

*************************************************

To put it simply, you felt like shit. You had notoriously bad periods and you could definitely feel it coming on. It was a about a week late but along with being generally awful, your periods were also unpredictable. The strange part was that you didn't have cramps, but we're extremely nauseous and overall weak. You and Pablo were still in Canada and it'd been about two weeks since you had agreed that a baby was in the cards for y'all. He joked that the two of you should start "trying" but you'd been feeling so terrible lately that you barely had the energy to do the day to day activities you guys usually did with the kids, like hiking, riding dirt bikes and watching movies, let alone have the kind of energetic sex you and Pablo usually have.

Pablo and the kids were about to head to the store to stock up on some more food and supplies for the cabin. He came into the room you shared where you'd been laying down and watching 13 Going on 30 on TV to distract you from how gross you felt. He crouched down next to the bed and rubbed your head.

"Is there anything you want me to grab for you at the store? I hate seein you like this, honey."

Somehow in that moment, it all clicked. You felt dumb for not realizing what the cause of your sickness probably was. Without even really thinking it through, you blurted out, "I think I need a pregnancy test...kind of...I think!"

"You think you could be pregnant?" He asked with innocent excitement growing in his voice.

"I mean, I wouldn't quite rule it out."

About an hour later the three of them had returned and after making the boys a quick snack to hold them over before dinner, he brought a plastic bag into your room and sat on the bed. "Alright, my lovely," he said, pulling out a ginger ale, some sour gummy worms for your nausea and...the pregnancy test. Two of them, as a matter of fact. "I have an idea, but let me know if you're not up for it: you take both the tests, leave them in the bathroom, then me and you go for a walk outside and when we come back we can look at it together."

"Let's do it," you said, pulling on some shoes and a hoodie to protect you from the brisk night air.

The sky was a gorgeous orange, yellow and faded purple, the perfect backdrop for a sunset. You and Pablo walked hand in hand through the nearby wooded area, taking about the possibility of you carrying your first child together and how thrilled his boys would be. As you walked and talked, time got away from you and nearly an hour had passed when you decided it would be best to head back. You sent Pablo to the bathroom to go get the tests and bring them to out to the front porch where you'd both decided to sit to look out at the stars.

"You ready?" He asked, reaching out for your hand. You grabbed it and rubbed his hand with your thumb. You turned over one test and he turned over the other at the same time.

Pregnant and pregnant.

Your eyes welled up with tears immediately and you covered your mouth with your hands. He reached over and grabbed you into a bear hug, kissing the top of your head and peppering your face with kisses.

"Baby, how do you feel?" You asked him, your voice muffled by the jacket he was wearing.

"Let's do it, sweetheart."

He grabbed you and lifted you up, carrying you into the house bridal style. The love in both of your eyes was enough to last a lifetime. You couldn't wait to grow your family with him and give the boys a little sibling

[penroseparticle]

Would it be appropriate for me to be That Dumb Bitch™ and ask for all of the music asks? Because I know I'm gonna ask them all on Anon anyway and I really love your opinions,thoughts, and suggestions on music

Thank you so much💜 ily(platonically)

And I hope you're drinking water

ILY too anon

We both know I’m drinking Diet Cokes rather than water. But I appreciate it! And of course you can be That Dumb Bitch. I approve of all Dumb Bitches as I am one too. all 30 questions coming right up!

your favorite album opener I know it’s pretty basic to answer Arctic Monkeys is a good band, but I am pretty basic so here we are. AM is a near perfect album, which is not news to anyone, but few people know that Do I Wanna Know? is the first track on the album. Masterful. 

a song starting w/ the same first letter of your first name Cheat, by Emily Burns. It’s just a quiet, competent, earworm. And it’s a pretty nice message too- if it were me I wouldn’t have cheated, end of. I like it.

a song outside of your usual genre I’m not super into Metal. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy it, my brother pretty much exclusively listens to hard rock and metal and such, so I have some stuff I like. But it’s just one of those genres someone has to introduce me to songs in. That said, I really like Cold Water by Protest The Hero. Good stuff!

a song that reminds you of your favorite season Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy is SUCH a Fall song, I swear.

a song from a lifelong favorite artist I think my lifelong favorite artist is Ms. Lauryn Hill, if we’re going by the artists I’ve loved longest- that’s obviously influenced by my mother, who LOVES Jill Scott, Lauryn Hill, etc. I’m going with a Fugees song, not an independent, but it’s still fantastic- the classic “Killing Me Softly With His Song”.

your current “on repeat” song Montero by Lil Nas X is still on repeat and I’m not ashamed.

a song your friend introduced you to that you ended up loving Shout out Anna for introducing me ti Leikeli47! Girl Blunt was the song and now I just love her in general but Girl Blunt is good. I think my fave is Wash and Set though, so have a freebie on me.

a song that speaks the words you couldn’t say I have a hard time asking for things for myself so Rose’s Turn has always been a song I think but don’t say out loud. Starting now it’s gonna be my turn? Too unrealistic tbh.

a song that captures your aesthetic (can be ideal!) Bambi by Hippo Campus

a song about the place where you live I have played Welcome to DC so many fucking times (By Mambo Sauce because this city is a fucking joke) and I am thoroughly sick of it. When youth hockey teams use a song as their warmup song it gets old REAL fast.

a song from an international artist I LOOOOVE Maluma, sorry not sorry, and El Perdedor is one of my favorite songs of all time tbh.

a song you can scream all the words to Love In The Morning by Chris Jobe. I just really enjoy the song idk why. Also it’s a very simple song and it’s easy to sing.

a reboot of a song/songs you already loved (remix, mashup, acoustic, etc.) I love Passionfruit, but Drake is a... problematic artist to enjoy nowadays. Yaeji did a very slow, lilting, quiet cover of it that I quite like. So now for my Passionfruit fix I support a small artist and not, you know, Drake

a song with the name of a place in the title Oh god. Vienna is literally the name of like 4 songs that I love (The Fray, Billy Joel, Lambert, and Ultravox, so I’ve gotta go with that one tbh. Lambert is instrumental and Ultravox is some chill ass 80′s stuff, and everyone knows the Billy Joel one.

a song that reminds you of traveling Feel It Still by Portugal the Man reminds me of a trip I took to NYC because someone I went with loved the band.

your favorite childhood song My favorite childhood song is What Kind of Pokemon Are You? From the 2.B.A. Master album for pokemon. It is my fave because that cd is the first piece of music I ever bought for myself.

a song that reminds you of a good time Midnight by Caravan Palace. I have seen Caravan Palace three times live, more than anyone but Betty Who, and I ALWAYS have a fantastic time at their concerts. Just. So good.

a song that reminds you of a bad time Season 2 Episode 3 by Glass Animals is how I describe depression to people- it’s not just that I’m like, blank or sad or bland. It’s that I go through the motions and it doesn’t feel like anything. I do things I love and it feels like nothing. You kind of just can’t do anything to get out of it, your stuff just stops working.

a song from an artist whose old music you enjoy more than their new music So it turns out that my favorite album by FAR for OkGo is Of The Blue Color Of The Sky, a fairly old album of theirs. I like most of thier stuff and obviously all of their videos are great, but my favorite song of theirs is from this album- Needing/Getting.

a song that empowers you I like other Lady Gaga songs more but Donatella makes me feel like I can punch through Concrete idk why

a song from a local artist DID YOU KNOW GINUWINE IS FROM DC. ANYWAYS STREAM PONY

a song you related to in the past and present, but for different reasons Let’s Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats is a song I’ve always related to. Back in the day it was just loud and fun and very good, and now I really think the message of “Everything sucks but we’re gonna celebrate what we can” is something I try to absorb as much as possible now.

your favorite cheesy pop song Classic by MKTO is an objectively bad song that I constantly have in my Spotify Wrapped. I legit can’t explain it. Is it good? no. Is it original? Also no. Is it interesting? No! I don’t get it but I’m under the spell

a song from a soundtrack (musical, movie, video game, etc.) A PROMISE FROM FIRE EMBLEM: THREE HOUSES WAS MY NUMBER THREE SONG ON MY SPOTIFY WRAPPED LAST YEAR SORRY MOM SORRY GOD

the song currently stuck in your head OR the song you are listening to right now My music is on shuffle but it just hit Hot Girl Bummer by Blackbear

a song that taught you a lesson Which to Bury, Us Or The Hatchet by Reliant K is one of my favorite songs and really is an object lesson in letting things go. What’s more important? The person or the problem? And sometimes it’s the person, so you bury the hatchet, and sometimes it’s the problem, and you bury us (the relationship). It’s a good song imo.

an instrumental song Teleblister by Clever Girl

a song you always skipped, but ended up loving once you listened to it My favorite song from The Blessed Unrest by Sara Bareilles is Cassiopeia and I straight up skipped it every time I listened for the first like, 6 months I listened to the album.

your favorite album closer good kid, m.A.A.d city is a perfect album as well, and Compton is the last song on the album. Perfection.

your all-time favorite song Such a hard question, and not always easy to answer to be honest. It fluctuates. But for me I think my all time favorite song is currently  

[guessmonsta]

Okay, so now you have to do the final part of the Bokuto x Reader college fic series you've put out. I just read the second part and I'm literally obsessed. I give you full liberty with part threee! But I just wanna see them kiss!!!! Please!!!!

I need to stop putting all my energy into this shit this is the last part I promise 

Read part 1 and part 2

Also I’m not making fun of theater kids at the expense of theater kids, I was a theater kid, I’m aware of how we act

Bokuto has officially known __ for five months, and absolutely nothing has happened between them. 

If anything, his relationship with __ has turned out to be his worst case scenario- just friends. She hung out with him every other day in the dining hall, and came to every game of his that she could if she wasn’t working. She had gotten to know Kuroo and Satori and Yukie, and even some other guys on the volleyball team, but still, she was just an extra amenity in the friend group. 

But needless to say, he still adored her. Every single piece of her. He still went to The Gazelle every Saturday morning just to see her, no matter what, and he didn’t even like coffee. The deeper they went into the school year, the deeper Bokuto fell in love with her. 

Even if __ was working, he liked to invite her to his friends hangouts, just because. This Friday, it was Bokuto’s turn to host a little get together at his dorm, and even though he knew damn well __ was working, he still invited her. Any opportunity he could get to be around her, he would take it. 

It was silly, and he knew it. He was obvious about his feelings from the start, but __ had never acted on them. Maybe it was stupid of him to think that she would have to make the first move, or admit her feelings before he did. Maybe she didn’t have any feelings at all. Any time he thought of that possibility, it crushed him, so he didn’t think about it. 

The hang out with his friends went well, as it always did. Satori brought weird brownies that Yukie went crazy for, but Bokuto knew better to avoid them. Everything was fine, perfect as it always was. __ said she might show up late, around eleven, but it was 11:30, and everyone had gone back to their own respective dorms, out clubbing, or to the library, except Satori for a while, who was “too tired to get up”, until Ushijima came back to literally grab him. 

So, at 11:36, Bokuto was alone again in his dorm. His roommate had gone back home for the weekend, so there really wasn’t anybody to complain to. Kise was usually good with knowing how to complain with him, too. 

It was 11:42 when he heard a knock on his door, and he had practically jumped for it. He was stupid for hoping it was __, it was probably just Yukie who forgot her room key, or something. But when he swung open the door, low and behold, it was __. 

He felt himself sigh and welcome her in, taking note of how tired she looked. 

“__, you look like you’re gonna bust ass any second.” He said, concerned. __ took this as a joke, and just laughed. She plopped herself down at his desk chair in front of his mirror, and began to work her pigtail braids out of her hair. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t show up to your thing.” She muttered, visibly upset. “I haven’t been the best friend lately.” 

“He-ey don’t say that!” Bokuto announced, dragging his roommates desk chair and pulling it up next to her. “You’re the bestest friend.” 

__ sighed, then ran her fingers through her hair. There was something beautiful about her when she was tired, Bokuto noted. 

“Why are you getting out so late today?” 

“The townies.” She sighed. “The high school down the road had their musical today.” 

“Oh no, __.” Bokuto chuckled. 

“They put on Mamma Mia…” __ began to chuckle. “I feel like I’m a part of the show…” 

“Oh my god.” 

“They just…” __ began laughing even harder, “Put on the entire show for two hours… they didn’t stop singing. Each person…” __ stopped to laugh again. Bokuto couldn’t tell if she thought it was funny, or if she was just exhausted. “Each person ordered at least three waffles.” 

__ spun in the office chair and faced Bokuto, sighing a deep sigh, then leaning into him. Bokuto felt his heart skip a beat, not knowing where to put his hands, or if he should even move. 

“I should’ve just gone back to my dorm and texted you. I’m sorry for showing up so late-” 

“Hey, hey, don’t worry about it.” Bokuto chuckled, slinging his arm around her waist. It was so strange holding her like this, Bokuto thought, wishing he could just lay her down on his bed. The thought made his heart skip another beat. He didn’t know how long he could avoid this for. 

“I want you here, __” 

__ looked up from his chest and sighed, then reached for Bokuto’s hand that just fell from her waist. 

“You’re too nice, Bo.” She squeezed his hand lightly, then smiled again. “I really should have just gone home. The, the only thing on my mind right now is ABBA songs.” 

Bokuto choked back a laugh, then squeezed her hand back. It was so small in his, he noted, and her skin was so soft for a volleyball player. 

“You know how you can pay me back for letting you in my dorm?” 

“What?” She raised an eyebrow. “How?”

“I think you know what.” Bokuto chuckled. 

“I really, honestly have no idea.” 

“No, I think you do.” Bokuto nodded, teasing her. “I’ve never seen Mamma Mia before, you should give me a show.” 

__ burst out laughing, then furiously shook her head. 

“No, for the love of god, no.” 

“Awh, c’mon, one song? Super Trouper.” Bokuto laughed along with her. 

“Absolutely not,” She stood up from the chair, and headed to the door. “I’m just gonna head out, nice talk as always, Bo.” 

Bokuto stood up from his own chair and grabbed her hand again, then pulled her back from the door. She yelped in surprise, and Bokuto, with some strange new confidence, pulled her against his chest, and threw her on his bed. She burst out laughing again, and she hugged him, tightly. 

“Stay.” He mumbled into her hair. 

“Man, I didn’t think you were such a big Mamma Mia fan.” 

“I’m not.” Bokuto muttered. “I’m a pretty big fan of you, though.” 

__ gaped at him, then giggled again. 

“That was so lame, Bo.” 

“Hey, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” 

“You’re so sweet, did you know that?” __ ran her fingers through his hair absentmindedly, and Bokuto felt a hot blush creep up his neck. A familiar shade of pink bloomed on her own cheeks, and Bokuto had no idea what to make of the situation. 

“Me? Sweet? C’mo-on.” 

“I mean it.” She sighed. Bokuto could feel the rise and fall of her chest from under his. Looking down on her from this position made him feel all sorts of feelings- red in the face, his stomach in knots, he hoped and prayed to god that he wouldn’t pop a boner, because she would definitely be able to feel that from under him. She was so soft, so small underneath him. Even with dark rings underneath her eyes, Bokuto had never seen somebody perfect. His eyes jumped from her lips, back up to her eyes, and without second thought, he blurted out, 

“I’m in love with you.” 

__ looked up at him with wide eyes, her lips parted. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, and he felt her inhale, then exhale deeply. 

“I’m sorry, __, I-” Bokuto sighed, and __ shook her head. 

“Why are you apologizing?” Her hand fell to his face, and her thumb lightly dusted back and forth across his cheek. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“You don’t like me, do you?” Bokuto said, barely a whisper. __’s smile only got wider. 

“You’re an idiot.” She shook her head. He could feel her breaths get faster. “This whole time I just thought that you were just ignoring my feelings for you.”

“Wait, what?” 

“I gave you a cup with my phone number on it the first day we talked. I asked you to hang out the moment you texted me. I always, always try to go out of my way to see you at least once a week.” 

“I, I thought you were just being a good friend.” Bokuto stammered. “Are you playing a joke on me?” 

“Bokuto, you’re so stupid. I like you.” 

Bokuto had no idea what else to say. Everything in his mind was foggy, he definitely had a boner. His heart was beating so fast he felt like he had just played a three set game. He grabbed her from underneath her arms and pulled her up further onto his bed, her head falling softly against his pillows. Then he kissed her. 

It was almost animalistic, five months of wishing he could be this close to her just for all the emotions and desire he had built up to come crashing down in front of him. He kissed her like he had never kissed anyone before. He set one arm down by her head to keep his balance, the other firmly grabbed her waist. She was tugging at his hair lightly, messing up the gel and pulling him in deeper. She spread her legs out from underneath him, and wrapped them gingerly around his waist. She tugged at his hair a little harder and he moaned, instinctively bucking his hips up into hers. She broke the kiss to sigh, then giggled softly. 

“Woah there, cowboy.” She giggled again. “I said I like you, not give me your babies.” 

“I know, I know.” He laughed at himself. “I got a little too carried away there.” 

“I can tell.” She paused, and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “I don’t expect anything less from Mr. Sexyman.” 

[finnwolfhard7137]

The Art of Falling in Love-Finn Wolfhard × Reader

Chapter Three is here...

Chapter Four: Paradise

Word Count 2.4k

Warnings: some fluff

_____________________________________

Oakes wakes you and Miles up by shaking the both of you like rag dolls.

Oakes "GUYS!" 

"Huh? What's going on?" You look at Finn who is still behind you and he is laughing his ass off.

Finn "We literally just slept outside all night." You face-palm and laugh.

Oakes "Not going to lie...that's fucking goals." Finn laughed even harder and pulled you tighter into his side.

Oakes "Did you guys not go into your trailers all night?"

You both "No."

Finn "I honestly didn't wake up at all last night."

"Neither did I and I always wake up at least once during the night-"

Finn "Me too."

Oakes "Well, you two lovebirds...it's 6:30, let's eat before we have to film." You both agree and get off of the ground.

"Shit...I got your hoodie dirty." You look at the sleeves and sigh.

Finn "Don't worry about it, I can wash it. I wouldn't change anything about last night for the world." You blush and lean into him. You spot Oakes chuckle at you two, to which you kiddingly flip him off. He repays the favor and you both just laugh like three children. 

You get taken into your trailer first for makeup and hair because you take the longest to get done, Finn and Oakes just relaxed while you were gone. Oakes noticed that Finn watched as you left and hit him on the shoulder.

Finn "What?!"

Oakes "You love her don't you?"

Finn "I sure as hell like her. What's not to like?"

Oakes "She is pretty great, you two look good together."

Finn "I haven't asked her yet, Oakes. I don't wanna rush her into anything."

Oakes "I think that she likes you too, Finn. If that is what you are worried about, you are crazy."

Finn "I just don't want to mess anything up with her, she isn't like anyone I have ever met, she is like...perfect! Y/n is like the girl that I have always imagined being with..I don't know how to explain it-"

Oakes "I know what you mean dude. You don't need to explain it, I totally get it."

Finn simply nods and takes a drink of his water.

Oakes "Just ask her dude, she's gonna say yes."

Finn "I will eventually, Oakes." Oakes rolls his eyes and he punches him in the arm and starts to laugh, "You are so pushy!" 

Oakes "Hey, I just support it! My two best friend's together...like fuck yeah I want it to happen!"

Finn "Thank you, that means a lot. I want to ask her properly...maybe I'll take her somewhere beautiful, other than the desert. Make it memorable, ya know."

Oakes "Yeah, that would be good." They continued to talk until it was their turn to get ready for the day. When you came out, Finn was walking towards his trailer which happened to be right next to yours and winks at you. You almost trip on the last step because he is just so damn cute.

…

You read your script and today, you go to school with Oakes and Boris: He doesn't leave yours and Oakes' side the whole school day, he rides with you on the bus and afterwards, you and Oakes go to his house. It sounds really fun from how the script put it so today is going to be exciting. When he comes out of his trailer, he is wearing a black blazer with a skateboarding graphic t-shirt. He honestly looks so good that you almost drool! You look away so that you don't get caught staring, in a few moments you feel his arms wrap around your neck, across your chest in a warm embrace. You can't help but smile and grab his arm in acceptance.

Finn "Well don't you look beautiful!"

"I have this stupid prosthetic on..how can I be beautiful?"

Finn "You are! Makeup, no makeup..prosthetic or no prosthetic. And hey, you won't have to wear it the whole time." 

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to future scenes.." he let go of you and crouches down in front of you and smiles. "What?"

Finn "Stop..just stop being self conscious, you are fucking perfect so stop." You smile and pull him up to you to give him a hug. You want to do more but you want him to make the first move...obviously. He hugs you tighter and you just melt. 

__________________________________

John "Action!" 

Theo "Boris, Pippa is going to join us today."

Boris "Is she really? Excellent!"

Theo "Yeah but she's worried about ya know...getting bullied."

Boris "I like her, I won't let them pick on her. She cannot help it." You come into the view and Finn smiles down at you. 

"Hey Boris."

Boris "Hey! You've been good, yes?"

"Yes." 

Theo "Come on, we are gonna be late to first period." When you get in the classroom, the classroom stared at your head. Some girls were even laughing. Boris noticed and got in front of you.

Boris "You got a problem, ay?! This woman survived a fucking bombing, show her some respect." The girls immediately started to apologize. All you were told to do was shake your head and take a seat next to Finn which you do. 

"Thank you."

Boris "Of course." Theo looked behind him and saw you two talking and gave Boris a smile like, thank you. 

John "Cut! Perfect guys." You immediately go back to your normal self as soon as he yelled 'cut' and took a deep breath. Growing up as a kid, you used to get bullied so to have to reenact what you really had to go through, was rough mentally. 

Finn "I almost lost my shit…"

"Oh really?"

Finn "Yeah, I hate bullies."

"Me too, but thankfully it's just for the movie." He agreed but before he could say anything, John yelled 'action'.

….

The school day is over and you all get on the same bus. Finn and Oakes sit next to each other and you sit by yourself on the next row.

Boris "Did you enjoy school today?"

"Kinda."

Theo "Well you did good for your first day back, Pippa."

"Thanks-"

Boris "How about you both come over my house? I have drinks."

Theo "Drinks?"

Boris "Yeah, I have beer at my house. You two should come over."

Theo "Do you want too?"

"Yeah, I don't mind."

Boris "Good. Hey, I didn't tell you earlier but um, I think that you look very pretty today Pippa."

"R-really?"

Boris "Of course." Theo nudges him so hard that he almost fell off of his seat, he immediately shoved him back but even harder. Earning a laugh from you, making Oakes look at you with a shock on his face.

Theo "Y-you laughed!"

Boris "So? Everyone laughs."

Theo "No...you don't get it. Pippa hasn't laughed since the bombing." Finn looks over at you and smiles from ear to ear, making you happy. 

"You guys make me happy. No one else does." Finn grabbed your hand from across the aisle. You don't remember that being in the script but you really don't care. 

John "Cut." The school bus stops and you all get out of the bus. 

John "Lunch break guys, you did good."

"Can I get the prosthetic off? It is starting to hurt."

John "Of course, Y/n. Next week, the movie skips a month in advance so you won't have to wear it anymore. Just hang in there for two more days and it'll be off for good."

"Alright, awesome. Thank you!" Finn walks up to you and kisses your forehead.

"Ima get this thing off, you can join me if you want." 

Finn "After you." 

Bill "oohh it started to come off."

...

"Is that why it started to hurt?"

Bill "yeah, the glue was pulling on your fine hairs."

Finn "Prosthetics hurt in general."

Bill "This is true. I have never had a client be excited to get them applied."

"I was on the first day, not anymore." You three laugh. 

It takes a good minute to get it all taken off and your hair fixed up. Finn didn't leave the seat next to you the whole time, he just talked to you and complimented you on today's performance so far. He has been your biggest supporter all week and it never gets old: hearing one of your idols tell you how amazing you are doing...doesn't get better in this line of work. 

Oakes comes in, "They got a whole buffet...you guys are missing out!"

Finn looks at you so intensely that you burst out laughing. He picks you up and carries you out of the trailer, running all of the way to the free buffet. 

John "Hungry?"

Finn "uh...a little-" he says grabbing a whole plate full of food. 

Oakes "look at him, he's a freakin' giraffe! He needs his food.." Finn almost chokes on his food from laughing so hard. Finn is really tall, especially in person. 

"You aren't wrong!" He sits down and pulls you onto his lap. John and the rest of the film crew just smile at the sight. 

__________________________________

When you three got to the house, the camera's started rolling when you guys sat down in his unfilled pool with beers and cigarettes.

John "Action." 

Boris "Would you like vodka?"

You and Theo "No thanks."

Boris "My dad drinks it all the time, so much he can not feel his feet. Literally, it has a name."

"Is it just you two here?"

Boris "Yes. My mother is dead."

Theo "Mine too."

Boris "Mine was alchie...got drunk and fell out the window."

"Jesus."

Boris "Did you lose anyone...ya know. When Theo did."

"My uncle. He took me because it was for my birthday, I just wanted to see the beautiful art with him and then..well you know. It is all my fault."

Theo "Hey, it isn't your fault."

"You blame yourself too, Theo."

Boris "You both are wrong. Don't blame yourselves! You guys didn't know that that was going to happen."

"Change the subject." Finn thought for a moment.

Boris "What is your favorite art piece in the museum."

"It is a piece called The Goldfinch."

Theo "That is where I met her, we were all looking at that painting before it all happened."

Boris "Wow...All I gotta say is that I am glad that you are here, Pippa. With you and Theo here, it is a lot less lonely."

"I am glad much happier here. You wouldn't think that the desert is better than a city but it is to me. Especially now, it is much quieter."

Theo "It will be easier for you to heal."

"Yeah, hopefully."

Boris "Don't you worry, we will all get through our own struggles together."

John "And...cut! Fantastic job guys!" This scene only took one shot to master. You three high five and get undressed because that was it for the day, the rest is for Ansel and Aneurin who play Theo and Boris older in the movie.

…

Aneurin "You make my job hard, Finn...how am I supposed to top that?"

Finn "Oh you can do it, I didn't even do anything."

Aneurin "That is my point!" Ansel joins you, Finn, Aneurin and Oakes.

Ansel "You did great today guys! I'm very impressed." You all thank him. 

Oakes "What are you shooting today?"

Ansel "With Nicole..I'm visiting her after years of not seeing her."

"Oof so an emotional day?"

Ansel "Oh yeah."

Oakes "You've got this. You can cry on command."

"You can?"

Ansel "Mhm."

"If you can cry when I tell you too, I will pay you 20 bucks right now."

Ansel "You are on!"

".....Now!" Sadly..he does in seconds. 

Ansel "Pay up, Y/n!"

"Fuck you." You hand him the 20 dollar bill, laughing in defeat. You didn't know that he could cry that quickly, or that anyone could for that matter.

John "We are shooting in 5!" 

Aneurin "I'll see you guys later." The two boys left and started shooting. 

__________________________________

You three ended up watching them film: taking in their movements and the way they say some words and how they react to comments and such. 

Finn "Hey, it's getting late. Wanna go for a drive?"

"Yeah, I'm down. Oakes, you coming?"

Oakes "Nah, you guys go ahead. Have fun."

Finn smirks at you and runs to his car, opening up the door for you. 

"Where are we going?"

Finn "I know a beautiful place back here, I've been waiting for an opportunity to take you."

"Ohh I'm excited." In the drive there, you text your mother about your amazing day and sing songs with Finn. When you are with him, it is just pure happiness and bliss. You have never experienced this feeling before: crushes yes, dating yes but not actually being in love with someone completely and fully and getting that same energy in return. 

…

Finn "We are almost here. I want you to close your eyes!"

"Really?!"

Finn "Yeah, come on close em." You feel the car stop and you hear him put the gear in park. He gets out of the car and he helps you out. A few steps forward, you can feel the sand beneath your toes.

"The beach?!"

Finn "Just wait." You two walk until he stops. "Okay, open." You open to see the most beautiful sunset over the waves.

"Oh my god. It's so..beautiful."

Finn "I knew that you would love it. I remember when we all went to Chick-fil-a, you told me that you loved the beach."

"I do, it's my paradise." Finn smiles at how amazed you are at your view. But to him, you are his view. You are way more beautiful to him than the ocean. He puts his arms around your waist and watches the waves crash onto the shore with you in his arms.

To be continued...

@moriartysringtone7137 @euphoricsunflowrr @spidey-starky @tysblackswan @strangerev @keeshonds @itlittlefangirl

[riotanitnot]

Some will say,

"aren't you too old to studying again?"

"what is it for, learning new language when you're living in the small city with less common foreign encounter?"

"are you trying to run away from this city and move to Japan?"

"don't be so stoked over anime or manga or drama, just because you like them you start to learn their language? That's pretty obsessive"

"Isn't it wasting time to studying at your age? Why aren't you seek for a husband material instead? You're turning 30 in months"

Yeah. Yes. Right. That kind of comments comes and goes in the moment I started learning Japanese again. People around me tend to be pessimistic about any possibilities. I don't know why.

I learn Japanese language because I'm basically interested in languages. I've learnt English, Korean, Arab, and now Japanese. Though I'm not fluent in any of those yet. At least just yet. Lol

Comparing Korean and Japanese, I found it easier to learn Korean. They only have one kind of letter: 한글 (hangul). And the pronouncation similiar in many ways with my native languageㅡSundanesse. So to memorizing the letter and attempting to read sentences, is relatively friendly on my tongue.

Meanwhile Japanese have three types of letters: hiragana, katakana and kanji. Hiragana, as expected, the easiest among all three. I'm currently memorizing katakana. And I can't imagine how do I start the kanji.

So far I learnt from an imperfect guide book I bought years ago when I was in high school. I just figure out as of late, as I'm more fluent in the letters, that there were so many errors in the book. The amount of typos goes to the extent of misleading the student.

It feels like I'm reviewing the book instead of studying. Haha

It's tiring though. And confusing. I hope this book never gets to be reprint. Or even if it could, they should check again every single part of the book. What's the editor has been doing anyway?

Another help I've got are from apps on play store called LingoDear and Easy Japanese. It's quite helpful and fun to learn on the apps when I wasn't able to practice writing with the books.

I have another three books for practicing with vocabulary and grammatical, but I think it still have to wait until some time later, until I'm confidence with both hiragana and katakana.

Someone says, "the older we are the harder for brain to learn about something new". Well, in my case, even though I'm no longer in the blooming twenties anymore, my brain still can understand knowledge pretty fine.

I'm having fun studying. Besides, since I was a kid, I always love to writing notes. I was not a diligent student who always studying every day. But I'm really good at writing notes. My friends love to borrow my notes. And I'm proud of it.

[jamiebluewind]

Why I'm So Good At Angst

Why The Latest Episode Of Fantasy High Effected Me So Much

I got pretty emotional after the last episode and when combined with recovering from bronchitis... it wasn't a fun night. I decided to write down a bit of my history to help and then I decided to post it because... well who knows? I just felt like it. Let me make it clear; I am okay. I am going to therapy. I moved 1300 miles away from these people. Most of this was years ago. There is NO reason to treat me differently because of this. But it's dark and PTSD is a bitch sometimes. So here are the crib notes on why I'm so good at writing angst. Trigger warnings abound.

Tw: child abuse, neglect, starvation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, insults, controling, isolation, sexism, racism, homophobia, biphobia, gross imagery, sickness, mention of surgery without consent, dark themes, blood mention, rape mention, death mention, suicide survival mention, animal abuse mention, very minor spider mention (tell me if I missed any!)

Let's start at the beginning. I was born a "mistake". My mother wanted a kid, so she went off birth control and got pregnant. They were late 20/early 30s, VERY broke, not equipped to have a child, he didn't want more kids (he already had 3 from his first marriage), and they were about to break up. Instead they got married so I wouldn't be a "bastard". Turns out, that is a bad foundation for a marriage.

They were expecting a boy when I came out. The doctor said my heartbeat was so strong that I had to be a boy, so they didn't have a name picked out. Thus James became Jamie and my parents became disappointed.

I was mildly intersex so the doctors "fixed" me, but I didn't find out for years. What I did find out was how much money I cost and what a burden I was on my family with shocking regularity. Also, nobody told my mother that babies aren't cute little bundles that you can use to get more attention. They cry, poop, eat, and repeat and they need constant care. So, I started out with the cards stacked against me.

My mother was also... not the sharpest tool in the shed. Case in point, for about the first six months of my life, my mother gave me formula that I was allergic to. My dad (worked extra shifts and odd jobs to make ends meat) only found out when he was watching me when my mother went out of town. There was a substantial amount of blood in my diaper, he called my mother, a day or two later she finally called back to tell him it was normal, he got worried and took me to the doctor, and they told him I was allergic to whey protein.

Thankfully, my dad's parents lived next door. I stayed with them a LOT. Basically lived there. I would visit my parents, say hi, and then run back next door. Mamaw (dad's mother) kept me fed, never made me feel bad for how I saw the world, and was always willing to help. I had dyslexia and every night we would sit and drill my spelling words before she would sing me to sleep. Papaw (dad's father) was great too, but more of the playful one who taught me jokes and how to play poker.

Then Papaw got sick. First cancer and then Alzheimer's. I had to start staying at home a lot. I helped as much as I could. He lived a long life. I was there when he died. Death is not like it is in the movies.

In the meantime, I had school. It was tough, but I had Mamaw helping me and a friend. We hung out on the playground together for a year or two, but my parents found out and threw a fit that the teachers had "allowed" it to happen. Because he was black. Yes. They were also racist. So my friend and I were no longer allowed to be near each other. Mamaw found the whole thing stupid.

In 6th grade, I had a teacher that hated me. Long story short, long before I was born she and her husband owed my grandparents money and they were bitter over eventually having to pay it back. So she "lost" a lot of my homework and treated me like crap.

At the end of the year (after it was already over with), my mother took me out of school and told everyone that she was going to homeschool me. She did not.

Suddenly, I was my mother's maid. I waited on her hand and foot. I did the cleaning, she told my dad that she did it while I sat on my butt, and I would get in trouble for being lazy. She gave me an allowance and then took it back saying she needed it for bills (mind you while saying they were broke because of me). She told all my friends that the number I gave them was wrong and that I had moved away. She bought homeschool books and when I eventually got stuck on every subject, she told me just to forget it and that I could eventually get my GED. She never registered me, so on paper it just looked like I dropped out of school 2 weeks before the end of the 6th grade. Nobody ever checked on me.

I rarely left the house and my mother used me to con people out of money. I went hungry a lot. Sometimes she would give me food that I was allergic to which would make me sick. Sometimes she would make me eat rotten stuff (just imagine a cabbage stew that has been sitting in the fridge for weeks and has this waxy film on top and a sour smell ones you break through. I've eaten stuff like that because she said I wasn't allowed to waste food). I snuck food out under my clothes and kept what I could hidden in my room. We had a pantry full of food too, but she said I wasn't allowed to have any of it. Things like panties and bras weren't replaced as I grew and became so tight that I still have a dent around my waist and my chest. However, the shirts she bought for me were in her size (so she could borrow them), so they were just massive on me (she was a plus sized adult).

Still, I felt like a selfish brat for asking for even minor things, so I just... existed. I had a game system in my room that helped me escape. My older half brother moved in with his wife and kid and I babysat my nephew (for free) which was... something. A second nephew came along and the pair were a handful, but I did my best.

I snuck outside as much as I could. I would jump on my trampoline (before it broke). Play with a stray dog or cat. Observe a spider. I saw Mamaw (and Papaw before he died) as much as I could, but I hid what was going on at home. Mamaw was my escape, but then she moved out of her house and into a smaller house in town. That's when it got bad. Nobody was there to notice anymore, so my mother could get away with more. Dad worked too much to see.

I asked to go back to school when I was 12 or 13. My mother told me that they would hold me back three years so I would be in a class filled with children and she would get in trouble for me being lazy. It was my fault. She made me scared to go back. Later in my mid teens, she would tell me that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone what she'd done or she would go to jail, my dad would go to jail, and I would get put in an orphanage and raped every day. At the time, I was getting physical contact so rarely that it hurt when people touched me. I had a panic attack when a doctor told me to undress for an exam. So not only did I want to protect my parents from jail, the possibility of... that... it was enough for me to not only keep quiet, but actively try to keep what she was doing from getting out.

A lot of my teenage years are rather blurry (part due to monotony and part due to the food stuff). Mamaw had a stroke and I volunteered to take care of her (which I did). My mother used me to con people out of more money (unbeknownst to my dad). I got sick a lot and was often not taken to the doctor when I should have been. I waited on my mother. I took care of my mamaw a couple days a week. My mother started taking pills and gambling heavily. I was told later that she bragged to people about being able to do as she pleased as long as she got home before her husband because her daughter was at home doing chores. When I cleaned the toilet, I had to do it barehanded with a washcloth. I'm pretty sure she poisoned me a couple times. It wasn't fun. Did I mention that her favorite book was Flowers In The Attic by V. C. Andrews? She had a copy that was extremely well worn. *shivers*

At one point, I rescued a kitten from stray dogs and got my dad to let me keep him. I got a second kitten less than a year later who was so tiny she had to be bottle fed. Their names were Punkin and Hopee and I kept going because nobody else would take care of them if I was gone. I know my motger wouldn't because they weren't fed when I wasn't there. They are the reason that I fought to survive.

At 16, my mother took me to a urologist and told me that they were going to put me under to take a urine sample from my bladder. I woke up having had a surgery on my genitals to make them more feminine. Yes, I know how messed up that sounds. I had to go to a specialist when I got older for pain and get treatment for it. I'm mostly okay now, but that doesn't change the fact that it was objectively wrong. Please, if you take anything from this, remember that.

A week after my 18th birthday, my mother kicked my dad out. She wanted a divorce. She told me that she couldn't get in trouble for what she did anymore because I was an adult. The few weeks I was totally alone with her were really bad. She got a stereo, put it right next to my door, and blasted country music when I was trying to sleep. Made some excuse as to why it had to be there and that loud. We were in a well insulated house, so there was no one nearby to complain. I was so tired all the time and still had to wait on and cook for her. Til this day, I hate country music and I can sleep through most background noise.

I moved in with my dad. I had a lot of panic attacks. Some seizures. I was scared to be alone. Horded food. I was at one point sitting and wriggling because I had to pee and needed permission. I was a mess.

Dad and I were good for a while. I followed orders and kept the place clean. He insulted me some and was... honestly very harsh. He said he was preparing me for the world. He was nice most of the time though and so much better than my mother.

As time went on, the insults became more frequent. How much I looked like my mother. How I got all my bad traits from my mother. My voice could give people a headache. Useless. Dumbass. On and on. Nothing was off limits. He became so controlling. Taught me to drive, but my curfew was 8 or 9 pm. I had to save money and not waist it because I would need it later and buying anything small for myself was stupid (but he would buy random stuff all the time). In fact, everything I liked that he wasn't into was stupid and a waste of time and energy. He was better than my mother in so many ways. I never went hungry with him. He let me hug him sometimes. He would help me out with things. That was why it was so hard for me to see the verbal and emotional abuse and how much he was controling and gaslighting me. Every favor had a price. I was isolated. When I started going to college, the control became worse. The insults more rapid pace. I was beat down.

Then I met a guy whom I thought loved me. You know how it goes. He seemed better than my dad. Better than my mother. That was the best I deserved... right? He isolated me. He tried to get me away from my friends. He controled my money. He didn't take no for an answer. He used my bisexuality as something to guilt trip me over and like it was some grand thing for him to be as okay with it as he was. He made me feel like nobody else would be with somebody like me. It... wasn't good. I was with him seven years. Multiple break ups, but I always took him back. I survived two suicide attempts (OD for the first and called in before anything happened the second time after he had me go off my antidepressants). After the final breakup, we met up about the money that he owed me and he decided to not take no one more time and then blamed me for it. My best friend was on the phone with me afterward as he was texting me. My ex also said that it would make him happy if I never dated another man again. Then he sent me religious pamphlets. There's so much more, but he's not worth talking about.

I lived with my dad a year. I was broke and broken. I had my dog, my albino sand boa, and a few posessions. I didn't even have mamaw anymore (she had died a couple years prior). My ex threatened me. My dad just told me to ignore it, so I didn't pursue it legally. My dad limited the time I could be on my phone, gave me an 8pm curfew and a 10pm bedtime, and a door with no lock that I was to leave open unless I was changing clothes. He did nice things too like letting me stay with him and getting an old beat up PS3 from a pawn shop so I would have something to do, but he also insulted me constantly. I had made friends online and been friends with them for years (including my best friend mentioned before), but he said they weren't "real" friends and would ditch me the minute they had to be around me for any length of time because I was so annoying. I had too much wrong with me and nobody would put up with that shit. Just a string of insults. Dad even insulted how I laughed! It was hard to realize how bad it was due to the duality of it all.

Dad only "allowed" to date white cis men. He also said that if I ever had or adopted a non-white child, he wouldn't be able to accept it. I was chastised when I did things he considered not feminine and not "allowed" to do or talk about things in his presence that he was fine with my minor nephew doing and saying. He blew up if I mentioned anything LGBTQ+. He went nuclear when I got a tattoo to take back ownership of my body (my avatar), saying he thought I would back out and then said it made me that it was ugly and disgusting and no good man would want me now.

Through all of this, I couldn't even get support from the people in my hometown. It was a very religious area (almost infamously so). The locals considered me weird and "off". I was religious positive and supportive as long as it didn't hurt the individual, others, or society as a whole, but it wasn't for me. People were always trying to get me to go to church and praying for my soul. I was accused (more than once) of being possess by a demon that was blocking god from coming into my heart and slowly turning me half gay. Others tried to convince me that I was confusing apreciation for women with attraction and I couldn't prove that I wasn't straight (with the addition that all bisexual women were sluts and I wasn't one). There wasn't LGBTQ+ resources in town or out people to begin with (I only met two or three my entire life). I couldn't make friends. I was used a lot. Some people worried about having me around their kids. It was a stressful environment. I got pretty decent on arguing with strangers who wouldn't leave me alone (I seriously had someone screaming bible verses at me trying to save my soul while my dog was in emergency surgery so... yup). My only escape was my two best friends online and a few other awesome people I met the same way.

I moved into an apartment, but I was still isolated, alone, and touch starved. I broke my arm (oblique compound fracture of radius and ulna with a crack towards the distal end of my ulna) and my family was there for my dad because he had to take care of me. No hospital visits. I had to hire someone to clean my appartment (despite being broke) because they saw the mess as my fault as well as the injury. Dad dropped me off at home much sooner than I should have been left alone. But my two online best friends? Calling. Texting. Sending things to help. Checking on me often. One got on a plane and flew down to see me and do what they could with the day they had there. That's when I realized. They were my support system. They lived fairly close together. So, despite living in one small town my entire life, I packed up the moment I was able to and moved 1300 miles away to be near people who cared about me.

It wasn't easy. I had so many panic attacks. My one year old ESA cat Danny worked overtime. My dog passed away from kidney failure. My dad drilled it in my head that they would ditch me after a couple months because of how annoying I was and that I would either come back to [state] with my tail between my legs or in a body bag. I had to sell or give away everything that couldn't fit in my friend's small suv. It was hard, but I found a way to push through and do it. One of the last things I did was leave daisies for mamaw at places she liked when she was alive. I like to think she helped me have the strength to walk away.

I've lived here in my new home about 9 months now. I'm happy. I'm loved. I don't regret leaving a second. Sometimes PTSD will rear its ugly head like it did with the latest episode of Fantasy High. It's not something that I can control and honestly? The idea of being trapped after getting away and being stuck with my abuser again terrifies me. Seeing it happen to Adaine? It made me sick and I had an anxiety spike. I'm better today and I intend to eventually rewatch the episode to desensitize myself, but still, it was a lot for me. It's okay to not be okay sometimes and to need a break. It doesn't make me weak or bad or stupid. Another lesson for the person reading this I suppose. If it's not bad for me to ask for help orneed a break, then it's not bad for you either ^_^

I still have depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, health problems, and food issues. I think I always will. But I'm finally allowed to be happy. I'm finally allowd to be myself. I'm finally allowed to let myself be cared for and loved. I'm getting help. Learning techniques. Started taking CBD along with my meds. I'm finally as okay as I've ever been in my life and it's amazing.

PS: Just as a side note, remember to use trigger warnings. Even if something doesn’t bother you or most people, doesn’t mean that it wont make someone else have a bad day. Sometimes all we need is a warning to mentally prepare ourselfs. Sometimes we just can’t handle something that day, but can another. So remeber to tag, even if something seems minor to you or canon complient. Your readers will sincerely apreciate it. ^_^

[irepookie]

Infinity Chapter 4-

Meet The Family (PT.1)

Summary: QUEEN AU where Rog (aka Rowan Queen) is a young single dad struggling to make it into music industry.

Warnings: not really. Just fluff, sappiness and swearwords here and there

Disclaimer: I don't own the pictures. The boys are based on Queen, but Piper, Gina and Callie are mine

John: Rick Lincoln (Cause he is John Richard Deacon born on August 19th 1951™™™™™)

Brian: Terry Garrett (Cause my uncle used to have a black puddle named Terry and I had no choice)

Freddie: Len Mars (Yea I couldn't help myself)

Chapter 4- Row opens up with the boys about the raisin.

“I'm a dad”........

"Okay, let's... let's get over this again: A daughter?" Terry, the band's guitarist couldn't believe his ears.

"Yes, Terry. A daughter" Row repeated for the 19th time from the other side of the phone.

"A baby." Len said, taking another sip of his tequila.

"No, a 30 year old alpaca." Row said sarcastically. "Yes, a goddamn baby. Fucking gorgeous, just so you know"

"And you're gonna keep her." Rick, who had been quietly plunking his bass' strings, added. "Are you sure?"

"It's done. I've already kept her. And it's not like I'm rescuing a shelter dog. She's mine. Period."

"Sorry, was just trying to... Wrap my head around it"

To be honest, Row still couldn't quite believe it (that he was a father). Not even now, as he tried to convince his best friends while holding his girl with the other arm.

"And is your mom okay with it?" Terry asked

He scoffed, clutching his Lil raisin close at the thought "My mom has no say in this".

"But she knows" Rick said.

He sighed "Yes, she knows. And she was a bitch about it, okay? She can disown me for all I care". It's not like there was much to inherit, anyway.

There was a general sigh from his three best friends.

"And what are you gonna do?"

" 'bout what?"

"Um, I don't know, man. About School? Maybe about your life in general?"

"School ain't something I'm worrying about".

"What a surprise" Rick rolled his eyes.

"But you're still in the band right?" Len said

"Oh, of course. Of course. You guys are gonna be the only ones keeping me sane"

They chuckled

"But we ain't gonna babysit for you, huh?"

"As if you knew anything about babies"

"Well, the same as you." Terry said

"Just what I was saying: nothing at all" Row grinned

"Her future looks bright, then" Len half teased.

"Incandescent, in fact" Row could pretty much hear Terry's arched eyebrow.

The youngest member could only roll his eyes and try not to take it as an insult. He knew this was a lot to process all of a sudden and that in the inside, beyond the sarcasm and teasing, they were happy for him.

"Whatever, guys" he replied, as Pips began to frown. He sighed, knowing that meant smelly treat was on its way "Gotta go. By the way, she just told me she thinks you guys stink" he grinned, before hanging up.

The other three men exchanged a confused glance, and stayed in silence for a minute, until Len broke it:

"I say he'll go completely nuts in seven days".

"That long? Nah, I think less than 24 hours after they leave the hospital." Terry said

Len smirked "Bet?"

"I'm a bit tight at the moment, pal"

"Then not money. If I win, you'll be my model for the midterm design project. It's 30's fashion. For ladies, of course".

"Ok. But if I win you'll do my chores for a whole weeks."

"A whole week?!"

"Seven days, if you prefer it."

They shook hands "Deal. Rick? Join us?"

"I actually rather believe that they'll be alright" Rick got up and stretched.

"Well of course they will. Eventually. Row always figures things out." T said

"The fun part is to watch him go crazy in the meantime" Len chuckled "Like when he first moved in and left a fork in the plate when first using the microwave"

They laughed, remembering how their friend had called them at 9 PM in panic, screaming the microwave had exploded.

"Let's just hope for the best. I mean he seemed quite sure of himself this time. And who knows, maybe being a dad is the best way to grow up." Rick defended

"Yea, well a bit radical, don't you think?" Len said

"Like sock therapy. If smokers quit when diagnosed with lung cancer, maybe Row settles down now he has a baby"

"I just still don't get why he didn't just put her in adoption" T said

Rick shrugged "Would you if you were in his shoes?"

"Absolutely"

"That's exactly how Row would've answered, say, a week ago. That's what we all answer. Until it really happens. I think it's one of those situations where you can't really picture until you live it."

"But this is Rowan Queen we're talking about. Rowan <<Made out with both Jones Twins at the same party Cause I didn't remember which was which>> Queen. I mean, he does know that a kid is gonna freeze his sex life for indefinite time, right? What the hell was going through his head?" Terry said

"I can't believe you think that." Len interjected "I mean, I'm the one who's never gonna be a dad here, and the one who failed biology, but even I get it. He met her right? Before any decision was made, he met her. Once you meet your kid, you're tangled up forever. And you might think you're not but if you give them away you'll never get rid of a feeling of remorse."

"Wow, Lenny, that was deep"

"Yea, where'd you get that from?"

"Just common sense."

"Funny, considering you're the one who's started the bet" Rick grinned

"One thing doesn't prevent the other. And out of the two of us, I'm the optimistic! He gave him one day, I gave him seven! I trust him"

"Well I'm not sure if I do. I mean, I love him, he's a great guy, a great musician, and everything else, but he's not reliable. Remember his first job as a waiter? I'm still waiting for the fish and chips I ordered last April"

The other two chuckled "I once lent him a t-shirt, and I swear I saw Liz Michael's wearing it" Len said

"See what I mean?"

"Yes, well, we can't do anything about it, T. It's his life"

"But this affects us too, one way or another. This affects the band. And he didn't even consult us"

"Well what did you expect him to do? Call and go <<Hey guys, are you fine with me having a daughter? No? Okay, just checking. Bye>>?" Rick imitated a phone with his hand, doing a decent impression of their friend's high voice.

"A head's up would have been nice"

"Terry, just chill for fucks shake. I mean, this is unexpected, but Row's our best friend, our brother, and we have to support him. Because, if he's a dad, that's makes us her uncle's. And it'll be fun having a little niece we can spoil" Len smiled at the idea.

"Spoil? With what money?" Terry, always realistic, put his hands on his hips

"With the upcoming tour's, of course darlings" he twirled majestically around the room

"First, that's in four months" Rick reminded

"If it does happen at all"

They still had one last song to arrange And record. Plus, they didn't know how Row was gonna make it work now he had a baby. But nobody addressed that concern out loud.

"Oh don't be so goddamn negative, fellas! C'mon! We're uncle's! Row's made a very important, life-changing, mature decision, and we should be proud of him. So" he went to the fridge and returned with three beers "I say we toast for him and the lil Queenie"

The other two grinned and accepted the cans, opening them.

"Oh, I say we Split a fourth beer in his behalf, cause parents shouldn't drink while breastfeeding" Terry mocked, earning a laugh

"To the Queens" Rick raised his can "For our little bro to take this seriously and not fuck this kid up"

"To the Queens" Terry and Len crashed theirs as well.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Meanwhile, in the hospital...

"Goddamn it, raisin! How can someone so small produce so many colors of something so stinky?" Row exclaimed, holding his breath as he clipped the fresh nappy on his daughter "We only feed you milk! Like... Like white milk! How can you turn a white liquid into rainbow pudding? Holy shit" he held the dirty one at arms length and threw it in the bin "It's a damn good thing I love you, cause I won't do this for anyone else" he told her, lifting her up to his chest again before walking around the room

"You gonna be a good girl for me for the next eighteen years? Huh?" He kissed her chubby cheek "What am I saying? You're my daughter, of course you're gonna be a trouble maker. But we'll get along, you'll see. I ain't gonna be like my parents. Don't worry. I won't be a bloody pain in the ass like mom, and I will never ever do anything my old man did. That I can promise. But I gotta admit I do want you to be like Gina. Yea, she's a control freak sometimes, but let's face it: she's gotta be the strongest person I've ever met. You should've seen her kicking the bastard out the house. She took no shit."

He smiled somewhat proudly at the memory, and for a second forgot how mad he was at her for turning her back on them.

"You wanna be a badass gurl like her? Huh? Yes you do. Yes you do" he cooed, craning his neck so he could brush his nose with her little button one. Her fist chose to close around the nearest strands of blond hair on reach, which he found secretly adorable.

But a part of him did wish he had mom's support. After all, despite the rough patches through his teens, they had always had each other's back; through thick and thin. She had have to raise him all alone, and although he hadn't even begun with Pips, he already knew it hadn't been easy. She may be stern, and a bit inflexible when it came to negotiating allowance. She could come across as rude if you caught her in the wrong mood (which many neighbors had) but above all she was a good person and a good mother.

And looking back, he hadn't been such a great son. He could have been more responsible, less handful and more obedient. Less rebellious, too. He could have thanked her more often for the thousand things she did everyday. For the meals. For all the jobs she had taken to provide for the two of them. For the surprise birthday gift she had got him with the money she had been saving: a real drum kit. For helping him move out her house into that one room crappy appartement which would be Pip's home.

But still she had rejected Piper without a second thought, regardless of her anger towards him; Pips was her granddaughter, she had done nothing wrong and as her father, Row doubted he would ever forgive Gina.

He sighed, untangling the hand of his hair and bringing it to his lips "But you don't have to worry about all that. Just concentrate on staying strong and growing up. And I promise I'll focus all of me on being the best dad. That you'll never miss a mom cause you don't need one. You've got me and I swear I'll be enough. Even if I'm still young: I'll have it all more fresh won't I?" He grinned "You're the one person who's never judged me yet, and I don't wanna let you down"

That a was vow. And he was determined to keep it.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

This one goes to my mega-paragraphist @definitely-darcy who's got my engine going through the usual inspiration blocks, and who's reviews help me improve. She's made me believe in this fic, and encouraged me to keep going despite the one digit notes.

Xx- Pookie

[pbandjesse]

I've had a really hard day and I'm very tired. I slept okay last night. I woke up and I got dressed and had toast and tried my best to be a person. I left right away to go to the dentist. And they were really nice to me. But everything kind of went down from there.

My filling broke because I have another cavity under the filling. Which has gotten bad enough that I need another root canal. Which is going to be over $2,600. Because of course it is. So on my walk home I decided to try to get dental coverage. Sort this out before I actually have this procedure done. But then I decided I was going to call Kaiser and find out if I can just add insurance 40th now. Because apparently dental and vision or not included on the open market rules. You can get that anytime. Good enough. And lucky me it turns out I already have some dental coverage. Awesome.

Accepted only knocked off $500 of my total bill. Which still makes it extremely extremely unlikely that I will be able to afford this. So I have to ask my dad for money again. And I feel like a monster. I feel like an idiot. Like it's March. Were three months into the year and I've cost them thousands and thousands of dollars. I haven't even bought anything fun with it!

I'm very lucky that I parents I can help me but I really really hate that I have to keep asking for that help. I'm going to be 30 very soon and I just want to be able to handle all my bills and my business without having to bother other people. I hate it.

So I laid in bed and cried for an hour. I texted Tiffany and Chelsi that I would be a little. And at noon I left to go get lunch. I got pizza at 7-Eleven. Not part of my 90 days of no fast food but not the worst option. I got the bus and I headed up to the shopping center above the school. I walked around the Family Dollar and the Dollar Tree and the their store. Just to kind of look good stuff and be outside. It made me feel a little bit better.

And work was fine. The kids were nice. I told him I had really hurt and they all gave me hugs and very gentle with me. Which is always very sweet. You can actively see them trying to make me feel better. They would come over and give me like a little hug. It was really cute. I brought in the tiny Furby keychains that mom mailed me and they all really like and I'm and it was fun too play with them.

We had a pretty good art time. Talk about contrast. How very unhappy with me that I'm telling them they have to make either a black and white person or a colorful background or the opposite. A colorful person and I like my background. But I think they're understanding that I'm trying to challenge them. I know that it's going to be hard. I know that it's going to be annoying. But we're trying to get that artistic brain muscle going. And I think they appreciate it.

After work I went home. And got a shower and headed to CVS to get my prescription. I have an infection in my jaw and my head was just pounding. Like my temples feel like they were going to explode. And I get to CVS and they don't have my prescription. They say no one ever called. So I call the dentist and they claim they called so I put them on the phone with the pharmacist and they figured it out. But then it turns out even though I'd ask Kaiser when I was on the phone if they were accepted at CVS it turns out they're not. So I just started crying and Pharmacy. Because nothing else could go wrong. The pharmacist felt horrible that I was crying and they looked online and got me coupons. And thankfully The two prescriptions I needed we're not that expensive and I paid out of pocket and it was only like $20. I also got the stupid little refreshment face stick for my eyes to try to help with my pain. But I just wanted to go home.

I was in the CVS for way too long. Everything felt a little bit better but I still felt bad. I walk to James house to have dinner but then the burrito he made me was way too spicy. And I just cried more. Because I'm tired and everything is the worst.

But eventually me and James dissected the burrito and took out the spicy bits and I was able to eat. And now he's out buying some stuff at the corner store and trying to find me sour worms because he wants to make me feel better. And apparently he's got a third-place now trying to get these worms. He's a very good boyfriend. He just wants to take care of me. Even when I'm miserable and everything is the worst.

We're going to go to sleep probably soon. I kind of want to just put like on a movie or something. Or watch James play Skyrim. I just wanted to spend tomorrow morning make up some kind of are. Maybe selling the clothes I have in the pile of things that are torn. I just hope it's a nice day.

I hope everyone out there is having a better night than me. Send me some positive vibes.

[kim-isnt-seaweed]

Uuuu its been a long time since I had this type of headache and I definitely didn't miss that bitch. It's a strange type of headache, in fact, now that I think about it I haven't had any type of headache in a while, but these the headaches are by far the ones I hate the most. They're very painful throbs always on the left side of my head near my ear, they're short one second or so but I can have two or three consecutive throbs that again, are very painful and leave me feeling strange, I don't know how to explain it but before the pain I felt firm, but after my head feels softer(???) Oh and another thing I discovered is that apparently its not common to "hear" your heartbeat on inside your left ear.

I know I should probably go to the doctor to check this out it been like 2 years since I had the first one but ...my pride hurts, its always something with me, if not gallbladder stones its lumps on my breasts, and quite honestly it makes me feel like a burden because they all happen while living here which means T always had to go with me and I don't like feeling so dependent.

That took a dark turn I did not mean to take but I wrote it and I sorta kinda want to vent now. Anyway, how is everyone doing this last week of March? I've been doing very well actually, I've had a wonderful month this March,, to be honest, hectic and faster pace than what I care for but it has been good, the only downside is that T and I haven't had much time for each other, his schedule changes almost daily and mine as well, neither of us has the typical 9-5 five days a week work schedule, his schedule changes according to any issues or events that happen in the city, for example, he had today and tomorrow free but since the King of Belgium came (they have a king??? They call him king here) he had to work. Whereas my schedule depends on the children and their parents I originally started with only 3 classes a week but as of now I already have 6 classes and starting next week I have 11 classes a week, some days I have just one class, some days I have 3 classes, the classes only last 30 mins each so that's not the problem, its the fact that I don't drive so I have to run around the city from house to house carrying bags of toys and interactive material on Public transportation which is the most tiring. Also, my job isn't hard per se in teaching kids English through playing which is fun but keeping up with kids, some toddlers (my youngest student is 27months baby can't even speak Korean yet) or with kids that are well kinda naughty is exhausting.

Anyhow, the point was, this month has been good great new job, spending more time outside, being forced to expand my Korean, flowers blooming and warmer days, but I miss going on dates with T and spending time together where we're not at home watching tv saying how tired we are and how much we'd like to go on a date.

(I dressed as Elsa for an event at the center, it's actually really fun and I'm surprised is not as shy to perform silly songs to kids and their parents as I was when I was younger)