#Hateful litl’ shit

[charles-and-no-one-else]

So, ‘m told Midas and Reo they’d get shirts specifically for them, and uh- I don’t have Reo’s done yet, but Midas’ is!

so for you Moth lad! @/its a work in progress cause things are being mean-

I was gonna make a silly one, but it seemed in poor taste :(

[below cut is ooc random stuff about this shirt]

now for the out of character ramble-y part that gets progressively pointless:

haha so yeah I totally forgot I said I’d do this till- last night? I think, idk man. So I vaguely sped ran this.

the silly text that I mention was gonna be like “Team Quixis: reason why health and safety rules were made” or like- “Almost died on the job! Feeling decayed!” Or “‘they took my fucking eyes.’ ‘That’s so sad, Worldport play self-contained universe (reprise)’” And personally that’s really funny from an ooc pov- but like- let’s not give people trauma shirts- so! Midas! funky font!

the moth is based off a Luna moth! Cause I have a ton of pictures saved and have seen- an oddly large amount of them so it is an easy reference. Yes it is decayed!

fun fact! There is no brown for rina because I hate (like despise) blending brown! Aside from that, all know Sherb’s are here! I kinda wanted to draw a lil lily of the valley too, but that can go on the trench coat I started after this (I’ll get to Reo’s at some point I swear-) (yes the trench coat has hand made Quixian on it)

while I was making the shirt I pictured it as an actual shirt, which is why the moth isn’t bigger cause then it would look like a too big graphic on a t-shirt :( why isn’t very moth and would be curved wings on the sleeves.

speaking of sleeves, I have no idea where the sleeve lines went-because there used to be spots where it was like “hey this area is sleeve!”

anyway that’s all! I love moths :3

[pjackk]

Yep another miesrable "F my life" moment just hapened to me i basicaly walked 10 miles up the mountain to get to behind to the gas station to see my plug to buy me my with my favorite delta 8 pipe rocks and grab another 6er of tall boy steelies and i forgot i had my lit pre roll from brunch at the Country Grocerys buffet and i tripped on a congom on they away out and fell directly into a puddle of oil which normaly is fine when i fall and hurt myself ebcause nobody gives a fuck about me but the pants got stained wich is not unusual for me either but this time with motor guel or some shit but my pre roll was smoldering still and it set my ptants on fire so i dive in to the muddy ditch to put wet mut on my body to estinguish the fire and it and it shook the fuck up out of my steelos and the bursted all over me and it put out the fire but now i dont have any booze at all and my delta 7 "Fuck n chill" rocks burned tf up and i dont got nothgin left and my pants were all fucked up so i had to go home thru the woods wihtout them and it was so dark out and my peice of shit phone died even thouhg it was at 27% and i couldnt see shit and i was lost for along time so i decide to go to sleep in the woods to find my way back in day time + the animals sounds were high key scary as fuck so i cover myself in leafs and dirt and sticks and mud and other shit to hide from them and i woke up in the adfternoon still tired as fuck cuz i dont sleep good without some shit to put me asleep like my medicidne prescribed from Dr Maltlikker if U catch my drift lol or Dr thc Gummy lol if u get what im saying and these stupid little cunts with 22 rifles were plinking at me and tlaking about how they wanted to shoot my big ugly rusty head right in the head or to shoot a hole in my nippels so i got up and trioed to get them to stop i begged but htey just kept lauhging at me and shooting at me and it realy hurt my feelings so i pick one up and threw it into the sky then they all ran away screaming which is a classic "Dont fuck with honest joe,because he might try to hurt you or kill you if u piss him of moment" but the miracle of the story if that i went to walk 20 feet to findm y way out and i found my busted as shit old as fuck camry with a litle gas left ive been looking for it for a few days cuz i did a lil cruising when i was blackout and did lots of crazy shit i didnt remember at all but it was all on my story and 100 ppl were snaping and whatsapping me telling me to kill myself when i checked my huwawai thats how u know u had a crazy fcking night when u get that shit!!😂😂 but it had a litle gas left and it wasnt super busted so i was able do get back on I81 and soem stupid fcking crazy ass north carolina motha fuckas are driving insanly as fuck as usual and they keep almost hiting me while im just trying to read my fukcking phone to get rid of all these stupid messages and shit i still dont know how to use the app and its hard to type shit with my hands but eventualy i got back to my fuck buddys houe im crashing there even though he hates me now but i have nowehre left since ive been down on my luck and im realy not able to pay the bills no more with my online black jack/DarkRp trial moderator gigs and basicaly he owes me cuaz i got him 1 pack of menthols back when he was 19 and Sleepy Joe Brnadon banned them since "Freedom to do real shit" was aparently removed from the costitution when he was elected😂 but anywas now im sitting here bored as fuck with nothign at all do do cuz i got nothing to get fucked up wthi and i spent the rest of my meony on shit thats burned and blasted im realy worried i wont be able to sleep tongith since i cant get fucked up and thats when the demons starts to flow in my head i might do something realy bad to myself like pluck out my screws or some shit if u care abotu my which u probably dont my cashuapp is $pjack9 im desprate for another bottle to numb my p[ain away

Pic of my ride when i found it thankuly it still had gas😋

[dinogoofymutated]

Kissin and shit- Nightcrawler, Sabretooth, Cable, and Angel. I made Multiple bc i wanted to set a two paragraph + one sentence limit !! I'll do Morph, Poitr, Remy and Pietro tomorrow if Work doesn't make me feel like dying. TWs: Litle bit spicy. literally just smooching a ridiculous amount for no reason. Smooching no plot. Smooch all the men please and thank you.

Kurt Wagner

    “What has gotten into you?” Kurt laughs, arms wrapped around your waist and tail swaying in delight as you press kiss after kiss into his skin. You don't respond at first, catching his lips with your own instead. He chuckles into the kiss as your arms slide up and around his neck. You deepen the kiss, taking him by surprise by licking into his mouth.

    There's a string of spit connecting your mouths when you finally pull away. Kurt’s completely flushed, a dopey smile on his face as he catches his breath. You only slightly remember his question from earlier, but you think you get the gist.

    “Sorry. Just felt like it”

Victor Creed

    “Easy, Honeybee. ‘would hate for you to get too riled up.” You can practically feel Victor's Hum reverberate through your chest, Flush against his own. You're panting, but only given one more moment to breathe before he's on you again. He drags his sharp canines across your bottom lip as his hands caress and fondle you. You let out a pleasured moan at one certain touch, and he pulls away only to chuckle at you.

    “Shut up!” You snap at him, dragging him in again by that stupid furry thing around his shoulders. He growls at you as you bite his lips rather harshly, toppling you over and onto the floor.

    After all, pleasure is a helluva lot more enjoyable if you fight for it, right?

Nathan Summers

   “Stop squirming.” Nathan practically groans, voice low and quiet after he pulls away from the kiss. His hands flex around your thighs as you move lower and start to kiss and suck spots onto his neck. You know he finds his gasps and whines embarrassing, but you can't help but squirm against his thick thighs and large, strong chest. He’s wide and you cant help but love it- especially when you’re smothering with wet, passionate kisses.

   “Sorry, Nate.” You apologize, kissing him on the lips again and quickly getting a little too carried away. He grunts, voicing both his displeasure and his enjoyment- one more muted than the other. He doesn't pull away though, so you know he's not that bothered by it.

 “-Can't help myself around you.”

Warren Worthington III

    “Fuck, Warren-” It’s hard to keep quiet with the handsome blonde all over you like this, drawing you into kiss after kiss over and over again. Each one is more passionate than the last, deep, sloppy, openmouthed, French-- determined to love you and kiss you in any way possible. Both of you are breathing hard, only pulling away for moments at a time before Warren captures your lips again.

    “Just five more minutes, please?” Warren begs you, holding you tight against his chest as he smothers you. You can’t really respond, occupied by his mouth. He shutters as your hands drift up his back, mindlessly rubbing and caressing the base of his wings in a way that you know drives him absolutely mad- and his kisses reflect that.

   Only Five more minutes, huh? That was much easier said than done.

[rodawgg]

he said the thing!! hesaidthe !! this nasty little shit i hate him /pos closeup beloooowwww :OOOO

shidting my ants

also this cheeky litle goober

[theywontletmebeprincipal]

KNUCKLE TATTOOS

DICK BALS

BETA CUCK

STAR WARS

SUCK FUCK

FERA LHOG

THEJ OKER

EATS FEET

RAZL DAZL

KNUK TATS

BABY GIRL

BUTT HOLE

A.HAM A.BUR

ONCE -LER

JEB! BUSH

PRON OUNS

MYFI NGRS

BIGB OOBS

GOOD LORD

WEEE EEEE

TEE♡ HEE♡

COCK VORE

SIXFI NGERS

HAND JOB!

AMON GUSඞ

TWIN TWRS

CALL SAUL

PUNC HYOU

YURI YAOI

FORT NITE

JAKE PAUL

PIKA PIKA

FACE BOOK

ELON MUSK

HATE GAYS

JOEB IDEN

CRUC IFIX

YUOR DEVL

TOON TOWN

CRPY PSTA

KILL BILL

SOCC RMOM

HOPE UDIE

JOHN LOCK

SUPR HELL

ROAD TRIP

PRTY ROCK

DOES DRUG

SEXH AVER

SUCK UOFF

IAMA LSBO

BISE XUAL

NGRY BIRD

SMOS H.COM

MARI OBRO

RPGM AKER

CAS♡ DEAN

DIVO RCE☹

YAOI HAND

SEXY HOMO

ITMY HAND

OWIE OUCH

JAKE DOG (the empty space is for a portrait of him)

BIOS HOCK

PADS TMPN

ONEP IECE

SCOT LAND

GAMB LING

FEET PICS

JUNJ IITO

GARF IELD

RIDD LER?

GRDN RMSY

DNGN RNPA

ROLE PLAY

KEYB OARD

LEGO LAND

HOLY SHIT

WIKI PDIA

TAPE WORM

DADY ISUE

WIKI FEET

ITCH BALS

CROA TOAN

LOCH NESS

SANS NESS

MTHW PTRK

IBPR OFEN

HOME WORK

RCKY HROR

STRI PPER

FIRE STAR

BATH ROOM

MALE WIFE

HOTT LEGS

GOOF BALL

OMGA VERS

GLUP SHIT

OPEN CSKT

LITL PONY

RAYQ UAZA

TUBE ULAR

RATA TOUI

BIRT HDAY

FAML YGUY

SIMS FOUR

COLO RADO

RDIO STAR

COLD HAND

PNIS ENVY

E621 USER

AIRP LANE

NNJA TRTL

ASDF MOVI

FROG LEGS

UNGA BNGA

APPL SAUC

TWNK DETH

DRTH VADR

GENI TALS

LEGO BTMN

FINN JAKE

FUCK YEAH

ATOM BOMB

DAVI NKY?

MAMA MIA!

SLAY CUNT

FLAT FUCK

DCTR PHIL

SASU NARU

HELO KITY

Y/YO A/TI

SHRE KTWO

SPDR MNKY

PORR IDGE

PMPL POPR

LADY GAGA

TAXF RAUD

AWOO GA!!

CPTN [HOOK] (ideally you wouldn’t write hook at all because you would have an actual hook hand here. the text of “HOOK” is. implied)

MATCHING KNUCKLE TATTOOS

for two people

GUES WHAT / CHKN BUTT

DAFY DUCK / BUGS BUNY

CREW MATE / IMPO STER

HAND HOOK / CARS DOOR

POWR BTTM / SRVC ETOP

UNDR TALE / DLTA RUNE

FEMI NISM / MISO GYNY

GIRL DICK / BOYP USSY

ROOP PAUL / DRAG RACE

FIVE GUYS / BRGR FRYS

for three people

GASL IGHT / GATE KEEP / GIRL BOSS

SUPR NTRL / DOCT RWHO / SHER LOCK

BLOD BORN / ELDN RING / DARK SOUL

for six people

APPL JACK / FLUT RSHY / ♡RAR ITY♡ / TWLT SPKL / PINK YPIE / RNBW DASH

for seven people

SPON GBOB / PTRK STAR / SNDY SQRL / SQUI DWRD / MR.K RABS / PLAN KTON

[aleatory-eyes]

Tw:kidnapped,noncon,vampire blood.light bondage,clitslapping, oral,fingering,penetration(almost not described).

Trapped forever

Yandere Alucard x reader

This takes place before the "accident" with sumi and taka in season 3. I thought i would be a great timing. His loneliness making him more prone to fall for obsessive behavior.

Summary: you used to recollect herbs near Dracula's castle, one day you meet Alucard . And even though at first you were skeptical, you soon discovered his caring nature and the two become great friends (with a lot of hidden feelings) .

Everything goes to shit when you're accused for witchcraft and sent to your death. Your friend managed to save you, but this incident gives Adrian an extreme fear of abandonment.

Even if he has to turn you into a blood sucking monster, he is decided to keep you in his watch forever.

I DON'T CONDONE THIS BEHAVIOR. THIS IS FICTIONAL! PURE FICTION!

"LET ME GO, YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND ADRIAN!" You cry out using his real name. The one he told you, making you feel special for knowing his litle secret.

He doesn't react, looking sadly at the floor. A "click" echoes in the luxurious room as he closes the door behind him and locks it. You have nowhere to run.

Using his inhuman speed, he jumps in your direction. Both of you land in the big bed, bouncing a litle bit in the mattress. Even if is pointless you struggle with all your might, screaming blody murdered at him.

The vampire was far stronger than you. He pinned down your arms with ease, and used the weight of his toned body to remain in top of you. You eyes meet his in the mist of the fight, he had a sad expression.

Alucard hated himself for what he was about to do you. But he wouldn't stop, keeping you safe (by his side) was way more important than his own moral values.

Using his belt, he tied your hands to the headrest. You look at him in shock, wait is he trying to...? "I'm sorry... is swear this is the only way" he says with a low tone confirming your fears. Your eyes water as he begins unbuttoning your blouse.

Taking off you clothes wasn't that hard, not the top part at least. You did struggle harder at your legs. Nevertheless now the only articles remaining is your underwear. He told you he wanted to take those in a loving way.

He started kissing your body, trying to find at least one of your sweet spots. Not stopping exploring with his hands all of your curves, fascinated by them. His fangs teasing your skin, leaving goosebumps behind. his erection throbbing at your scent.

Hi slowly kisses your lips, barely holding back the primal desire to make you his in that very moment. Becoming more passionate as he removes the remained undergarments all together. Only stoping to lick the sweat from your temple, just to realize they were your tears.

You're sobbing uncontrollably "I'm not trying to hurt you..." he says caressing your face to make you look at him. Only for you to whimper at the contact "sweetheart...please stop crying" hi cued. The daphir voice trembling a litle, guilt hitting like a ton of bricks.

Not knowing how to console you when he was the one doing this to you. He opted for something different. Pleasure.

Leaving a soft kiss to your salty cheeks he returns to his assault. His blond locks tingle your skin as he goes lower and lower. Until he position himself between your legs, hovering less than an inch of your heat.

The immortal gives you a slow lick, from the bottom to the top, pausing at your clit for second before sucking it obliviously. Mesmerized by your taste, unable to cease the stimulation he was giving you.

You resist, not wanting to cum by his antics.

Still a moan escaped your lips. With that the man loses his restrain, grabbing your hips with the intent of getting more, going deeper. His finger throbs at your entrance, entering with a roll of your hips. Not wasting a second comes in and when a third joins, you're barely holding it together.

"Let go babe ... you can't hold it forever" he utter between pants. Then he flicks a few times your sensitive nud before getting fed up with your resistance and slapping it. Overwhelmed by pleasure, you go limp as you orgasm.

Intoxicated by lust is easy to forget the situation you're trapped in.

You quickly come to your senses when you see a gorgeous naked body crawling to your side. You try to maintain the distance, but your retrained wrists keeps you in place. " Please Alucard, I don't want this" you begged. He gave you pitiful look prior to caging you under his built.

Your body trembled, you've never gone as far with man. You try to plead with him but everything you say is cut back with a forceful kiss. A strange taste caught your attention, it wasn't like anything you tasted before. Similar to an old wine? A litle metalic?

All of a sudden it started to burn, your whole figure was on fire. "What's.. happening?" You attempt to mutter but your voice won't come out. You are extremely thirsty, as if that fire dried you from the inside out. Anxiety taking control over you as you start to hyperventilate.

A hand rest in the side of your face, that way he can clean your tears. He adjust himself to what he is about to do and he slowly alings his member to you. You're pleading eyes making him doubt. "Y/n... you" he gulped "you have to relax. Please...I promise I'll be gentl-" a sob escaped from his lips. Soon after that, drops of salty water began fall into your skin. "I'm really sorry" he whisper to you at the same time he thrusted forward.

In your helpless state you could only wonder for what was he sorry. Only for forcing himself on you? Or condemning you to his eternal love?

---

If you liked don't forget to give me a heart/reblog 🥰

Do you want more? Check my masterlist.

[teddybeartoji]

MICKEY MICKEY IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY??? HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY AMAZING DAY!!!!

i havent been following you for long but you’re such an amazing person - always so sweet n happy 🥹and its so nice and so so fun to see you on dash <333 whenever you’re not on, it always feels a little more empty and this turned into a love letter bUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!!!!

in light of this, i want to ask,, how do your favs spend your bday with you? who’s interested in a homely celebration? who wants to dress you up and take you out? and the million dollar question; is satoru eating the cake before you even blow out the candles? Its free reign for you to choose which selfships.. although i would love to hear about all of them.

ILY MICKEYYYY!!!!!!! <333333333

SCAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SQUEEZING YOU SO FUCKING HARD RN FEEL MY LOVE FEEL MY LOVE FEEL MY LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING SO HORRIBLY LATE I PROMISE YOU THAT I DID SEE THIS MESSAGE ON THE RIGHT DAY TOO AND IT MADE ME SO FUCKING HAPPY. IT'S STILL MAKING ME VERY HAPPY I'M GENUINELY JUST SOO SO FUCKING GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU HERE I'M SO HAPPY THAT WE'VE MET<333333333333 THANK YOU SOOO SO SO MUCH FOR ALWAYS BEING SO KIND TO ME AND THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME:(((((((((((((( I ADORE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH ILYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK SO SINCE ARI ALSO ASKED ABT SELFSHIPS I'M GONNA DIVIDE THEM A LITTLE HEHEHHE WAHHH I LOVE YOU DARLINGS SO MUCH. SOOOOOOOOOOOO SO SO . i was thinking abt me and dazai and chuuya.... ohh they'd be so fucking adorable scar i love them sm:((((((((((((( dazai would wake me up by just peppering my face and just the whole body with kisses and then chuuya would try to fend him off a little, telling him to leave me alone . all for him to just take his place on top of me instead😭😭😭 they really are just two little cats omfgg... anyway they just shower me with hugs and kisses (they're both ridiculously clingy) and while dazai did want to cook breakfast we actually end up going to my favourite little cafe!!!!!!!!!!!!!! btw i need to mention that i think he'd a very good cook and i hate that. i wish he was worse . we only go there just bc they know that i love the pancakes there and that i love going on morning walks with them<333333333333 i'm always in the middle and we always have to hold each other in some way or another . sometimes i rest my head on dazai's shoulder and sometimes i just glue myself to chuuya's side fuck off i really do love them so fucking much i feel so soft:((((((((((((((( anyway overall we have a quiet bday i'm not one for big bday parties although i do like the idea of kunikida dropping by at one point to wish me a happy bday and give me a little gift but it's so funny bc he doesn't want to overstay his welcome but then dazai's already dragging him in and then we just have a nice little dinner at our place hehehehehhe

i think oikawa would be the one that would plan just a cute little bday party and by that i mean just the seijoh4 boys yk? and it's just another small get together at one of their places,, they decorate it with litle balloons and shit it's very cute😭😭😭😭we just order some good pizza and then play boardgames all night and it's more than enough for me:((((((((((( i get to sit on oikawa's lap, laughing into the crook of his neck while mattsun and makki play wii just dance lmao

OKAY AND SATORU MY BABYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! definitely does order a big fancy cake but the most he'll do is to swipe his finger through the icing and then boop my nose aaand then kiss it off he's so sickeningly sweet i'm gonna explode . oh and the get together he plans is similar to oikawa's little party aka we just go to shoko's place!!!!!!!!!! but the little thing he adds to make it all even more fun is that he asks everybody to dress up really really nicely. like proper fucking suits and fancy dresses bc he knows i like to dress up sometimes but i don't.. actually feel that comfortable going outside like that lmao so we just end up sitting there in her living room, me and satoru and shoko and suguru, all in our fanciest outfits while laughing our asses off it's literally so fucking lovely and fun and i am so grateful for all of them:((((((((((((((((((((( satoru keeps staring at me btw . i think he might be a bit lovesick. (i am not any better he's so good to me:((((((()

[lettucedloophole]

spoilers for the latest dungeon meshi ep but oh my GODDD i love marcille my pobrecita.. i think ryoko kui wrote sexism's effects on marcille really well, i think it's neat how she's a silly little guy and other people kind of underestimate her and it seems she is often down on herself about her failures or, "burdening" others in a way that feels very authentic to how it feels to be a woman and have that extra pressure of perfection to dispell suspicions of your inferiority. it's just very much the feeling i gather from it which makes marcille so relatable. and then to put another layer on it when it came out that she did black magic, she's literally A Bad Ass she is LITERALLY a Badass which makes her doubt of herself even more starkly inappropriate, and in this new episode despite the Fact that she is A Bad Ass when everyone's being a BIG MEANIE to her she's like a sad puppy when people don't let her help with revivals and like idk if i missed something but she doesn't even push back against them saying they're going to turn her in in like, a threatening way, she is just... scared. which hurt me i just wanted everyone stop being so MEAN TO HERRR my POBRECITAAAA. MY TINY LITTLE BABYY

i also laughed a lot and freaked out catching up on the two latest episodes today. DEVASTATING miscalculation on chilchuck's part to protect senshi when laois has No sense of Social cue. really happy to see laois and kabru meet, they're really funny together and i see why people like them so much as a ship now!! i am ECSTATIC that shuro is out of the game in terms of ehem. courting falin. bro COULDN'T HACK IT gEDDEM marcille. get that red dragon lady.. and omg it made me SOOOO MAD that they tried to blame marcille for that like how could that even b her fault!!! >:((( its obv the mad mage's doing. i dont get it they r just big meanies!!! stop shitting on my girl!!!

i like how kabru is like laios if he had more social awareness and was a litle Conniving... and omfg i thought it was so funny and sweet how shuro and laios just fucking beat each other up 😭 shuro said i hate autistic ppl fr. no but im glad he showed up for laios & co. in the end.. sometimes you just gotta talk ur feelings out over a fistfight lol

it was soo so fun seeing everyone interact .. all these fun characters... i cant wait to see what happens next!!! i love this show literally one of my fav animes EVER now definitely its so good its SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!! im terrified not knowing when its gonna end and how im gonna cope when the season ends 🗿 methinks i will have to read the manga instantly after or i will go insane from dungeon meshi withdrawal..

[muxas-world]

Saw your tags in a post about Vale having weird haters on twitter? Is that true cause I dont go there, and am feeling curious

Uff this is gona be long sorry:

So yes is normal that people dont like valentino and hate on him I mean people on here doig it too, and rigfully he is a millionaire and did a lot of fuck up shit now in twiter is really weird beacuse they dont atack him for the obvius reasons and also they kep being obses whit him even to he dose't raise enymore ( and for many years they hate in him because why dint he rite? He was wach alredy etc etc )

Now is weird beacuse theres sector of people on twiter and even journalists that belive that vale has a mafia in the padock and that he controls alot of stuff and also hates other riders having success, you can just look a pedro when he went to ranch alot of people were saying that he shluld be scare of Valentino that he would do the same that he did to marc to him , and in their minds the academy are all litle minions that vale controls ( here on tumbler we joke abaut their being a cult etc but ithnk we all now they are te own people and their lives are actually not a novel) so yea is really weird evrityng like you cant no go and make a post whit a photo of vale on there or praises him beacuse they will go and coment saying the same shit he has a mafia his this and this;) they even statarted saying that vale was the one puching back so ducti didnt contract marc ( whit he dosent have that power) and that vale is not gona allowed marc to win this tilte by sendyng the academy to attact him etc etc; Like a say is just weird the amaut of nonses they say

And this is not me danaying that vale has power and influences in the padock he has those but he dosent control the championship ,dorna , factorys or teams , and also yes he probaly speak abaut his problems towards marc to the academy but is dumb to think that he sugest them to hurt marc like people are insaine.

Vale has say before that he got tired of the padock and just has sugest that alot of people use to try to control him etc; im sure that at his almost 50s he is spending his reitre enjoying with his daughter and his litle racing hobbys he is not this big villan that twiter thing he is. I mean sure he control some stuff abaut his team etc but evryting else ?? That just fanfic which is fine but the thing is in that fuking app they belive that that is the reality

[f1nalboys]

Flower Fields - Bo Sinclair

Bo Sinclair x SI

WORD COUNT: 3749

WARNINGS: THIS IS A SELF INDULGENT AND SELF INSERT STORY, NOT X READER!!!! idc if u find this cringe! if u do just move past it, please and thank you! fluff, brief mentions of bo's childhood trauma, brief mentions of being alone as a kid and just some sad litle tidbits from bo and i, could be ooc bo bc hes kind but again i do not care <3, actually kind of sweet stuff hehe, cringe nicknames galore, sorta proofread.

Bo’s truck sat a few yards away, tucked off onto the side of the road, tall weeds trampled down into a makeshift trail. The two of them were further into the field, past the bushes starting to bloom with fruit that Bo had pointed out tasted disgusting to him as a child, settled into a patch of wildflowers. The day had been relatively cool, the sun warming them just enough to keep the two of them comfortable.

They had laid out a large checkered blanket on the ground, their shoes on one end to hold those corners down and her bag and the picnic basket on the other corners. Bo was in jeans and a t-shirt, one she had picked out for him and said it complimented his eyes, and his hat while she wore a yellow sundress that seemed just a little too short, not that Bo was complaining, a silver necklace on to match the rest of her piercings.

The food had been good and she had complimented Bo with a mouth full, hand over her mouth, though he could see she was smiling from the way her eyes crinkled together. Bo had waved her off with his hat, still not used to the genuine compliments even after all this time. “S’nothing,” He had said, popping a cherry tomato into his mouth and grinning at the small sound of disgust. “Still don’t get how you like ketchup and hate tomatoes, though.”

“They’re completely different!” 

“It’s made out of tomatoes!”

“Ketchup isn’t soggy.”

“Neither are my tomatoes.” He wiggles his eyebrows at the accidental innuendo and she rolls her eyes. “‘Don’t matter anyhow, because I don’t want you eatin’ anything outta that garden.” He grins at her scoff; the only reason Bo had gotten the damn garden fixed and kept up with it was so that she’d have something to do that kept her out of the house and not cooped up inside. It was just a plus that she seemed to enjoy it and it was a huge plus that some of the plants she was growing were fucking delicious and saved him some money when he had to head into the next town over to get groceries. 

She’s sitting criss-cross next to him, facing towards his outstretched body, and she takes a second to enjoy how relaxed he looked. Bo laid on his back, one arm under his head and the other over his stomach, hat placed over his chest, one leg outstretched and the other up, tapping away to some invisible song in his head. His brown hair was slightly damp from sweat (how he was always perpetually sweaty, she wasn’t sure) and the ends curled in around the nape of his neck and his forehead. 

“Like what you see, peach?” He drawls suddenly and her eyes snap back to meet his blue ones, crows feet evident now more than ever. A shit eating grin was on his face, head tilted to the side to get a good look at her. She can feel the heat on her face instantly and she shakes her head. 

“Nah, just trying to figure out how I’m gonna kill you.”

“Yeah?” His grin grows even wider. “You can’t kill a bug but you’re gonna kill me?”

“You’re more annoying than a bug, Bo.”

“You hurt me, you know that, darlin’?” He says winking at her and looking back up towards the sky. The sun was lowering every minute and the two of them would have to pack up and head home soon. “How’re you gonna make it up to me?” His voice is light and she grins, hands fidgeting in her lap. Bo’s eyes are closed and he takes in a slow, deep breath, letting the smell of the flowers around him soothe his soul.

His eyes flutter open at the sound of rustling and he grins when he turns his head to look at her. She was picking off flowers and leaves from the plants behind her with a sense of determination, her back to him. He says nothing, just watches as her fingers grab onto each bud, surveying it, before either plucking it or continuing on to the next. When she faces back towards him, she has a large pile of flowers collected in her arms. 

“I’m gonna make you something.” She states matter of factly, letting the flowers fall onto the blanket in a heap before she settles back down and begins to… do something with them. Bo watches, eyebrows furrowing together as time goes on, watching her weave stems of flowers together with the confidence of someone who had done it hundreds of times before. “What’re you looking at?” 

He blinks, looking up from her hands, which had stopped moving, to her face. “Just trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing,” He responds, sitting up onto his elbows with a grunt. She shrugs, going back to work, and he finds himself getting sucked into the overall gentleness of her weaving. “So? You gonna tell me?”

“It’s a secret,” She teases, snapping off an excess part of the stem from one of the flowers, tossing it into the growing pile beside her. “Learn to be patient.” Bo scoffs slightly; he was many things but patient was never one of them. Her fingers pause and her blue eyes snap to his own, eyes narrowing into a glare. 

Bo flashes her an apologetic smile, leaning over and nudging her knee with his hand. “M’sorry, bobcat.” Her scowl breaks instantly, lips curving into that smile he loves. She bumps her lip piercing with her top lip only to pull at it again with her bottom teeth, repeating the motion a few more times.

“I hate when you call me that.” 

“No, you don’t.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You hate it so much you’re smilin’ for me?”

She forces a short-lived frown. “I didn’t say I hated the way it sounded.”

“Aw, bobcat, you like my voice or somethin’?” She shakes her head with a soft laugh, focusing back on the task at hand. Bo had taken up calling her bobcat about a year ago. She was confused when he did it the first time and he gave her a wild grin, pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. “Ya just remind me of one when you’re angry at me, s’all.” He had whispered against her lips, laughing when she pulled away with furrowed brows. “Look beautiful but are downright terrifying if they’re comin’ at ‘ya.”

She can feel how antsy Bo was getting with each passing minute, his fingers drumming against the blanket in a soothing rhythm. “Alright, alright, I’ll tell you.” She says suddenly, nearly finished with it anyways. She holds it up to him, curling it around into a circle. “It’s a flower crown.” 

“A flower crown? You think I’m a hippie or something, Brooklyn?” His eyebrow is cocked and she shakes her head, the braid of flowers falling into her lap. He watches for a second as she begins to work on it again, instantly noticing how her fingers are working slower, how she’s pausing after each braid made, how she fell silent. “I’m just teasin’ you, honey, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know.” She says, looking up from it for a quick second to smile at him, though it falls the second she looks away. Bo can feel the mounting panic in his gut at the realization that he had blown her off, had said something that bothered her. Sighing, she looks back up at him and gives him a sad smile. “I know you were just teasing, Bo, honest. M’not mad or anything. Just… it’s so dumb.”

“It ain’t dumb. C’mon, peach, tell me while you finish.” 

Nodding carefully, he watches as she swallows heavily, her fingers picking up speed. “I used to do this a lot, back when I was younger. Make flower crowns and daisy chains and shit. Sometimes I’d just braid blades of grass together for, like, hours.” She smiles fondly at the memory but Bo can see the sadness twitching at the side of her lips. “I was alone a lot when I was growing up, y’know?”

“Don’t you have siblings?”

“Yeah, but they didn’t really want to hang out with me growing up, especially back in Georgia. I was too young to understand that they just wanted time to themselves; I always figured they hated me.” She chews at the inside of her cheek for a moment, shaking her head. “Anyways, back there on the army base - you remember me talking about that? -  there was this random wild-flower patch behind my house that I would go and hang out in.”

Bo sits up fully now, turning his body to be facing hers, sitting to match her. He lets her continue talking, eyes going from watching her fingers adding in new flowers to the crown and then up to her face which had begun to soften. “I’d take my favorite blanket, which kind of looked like this one, and a big bag of my favorite books and I’d spend all day out there. I’d only go inside to piss and to grab something to snack on and to drink, seriously. 

“But when I was out there, I learned flowers and their meanings. Well, I tried,” She grins, eyes flickering up to Bo’s and then down just as quick. “I kind of had a shit memory so it was really just looking up whatever flowers I saw and seeing the symbolism and shit. But I also learned how to make daisy chains and flower crowns and stuff, and when I’d give them to my siblings or parents they’d call it cute or whatever and then it would end up in the garbage.” She sighs once again, shaking her head to get the memory to go away.

“M’sorry for making you feel like that, Brooklyn,” Bo says carefully. “I was just tryin’ to tease. I aint throwin’ anything you give me out, don’t worry about that.” She laughs lightly and he reiterates. “M’serious! Might just ask Les about saving the flowers. Pressin’ them, or whatever. We can even have ‘em in one of those shadow boxes and hang it up. Alright?”

She nods, meeting his eyes and giving him a thankful smile. Her shoulders relax and he lets out his own breath; he had gotten through to her, let her know that he wasn’t gonna toss away her shit like they did. He’d treasure it far longer than she realizes. “And…it’s…done.”

Bo raises an eyebrow as she holds the flower crown up at him, grinning. There were multiple colored flowers in there but most noticeably were the bright orange flowers that seemed to take over the entire crown. They were familiar, and Bo is transported, for just a second, back to when he was younger, sitting behind the church, watching butterflies land on top of the petals gently.

“Thank you, peach,” He says softly, leaning over and allowing her to place the crown on top of his head. Even a year ago he would never have let this happen, something so soft and domestic, but he knew her and she knew him. He was willing to let himself have this one if it meant she’d keep smiling at him like she was. “I love it.”

“It looks beautiful, really.”

“So, ya’ gonna make yourself a matchin’ one?” She nods her head, picking up two more flowers and beginning to weave them together again. “What’re these flowers meanin’, anyways? You’re not breaking up with me or tellin’ me I stink in flower language, are you?”

She snorts before shrugging. “Well…”

“Hey!”

“Kidding! Uhm, honestly, I don’t know what all of them mean but the orange ones, they’re milkweed, mean joy, happiness, dignity, and freedom.” She looks up at the sky, wracking her brain to see if it meant anything else, before nodding. “Yup! And I think it’s very fitting. Plus, you look cute.”

Bo hums, feeling a blush crawl up his neck. Cute was not a word people used to describe Bo Sinclair. Handsome? Sure. Sexy? Definitely. Monster, inhumane, freak, idiot, fuck-up? Time and time again. But cute? Never. Not until her. “You’re just tryin’ to make me blush.”

“Is it working?”

“Sure is, peach.” She grins and the two fall silent. Bo watches her as she makes her own matching crown, eyebrows furrowing together ever so slightly. “Baby?” She hums, not looking up. “What’s your favorite flower?”

She doesn’t have to think. “Snap dragons or pansy violets.”

“What do those mean?”

“Pansy violets mean love and romance, so it’s very fitting for us,” She says, looking up for a quick second to toss a wink and an eyebrow wiggle his way. He grins. “And, if I remember correctly… snapdragons mean deception and graciousness. The deception is because concealing one supposedly makes you look fascinating and cordial. Or whatever, somethin’ like that.”

Bo hums, trying to think of what those two flowers look like. She talked so fondly of them, of her time spent in the wildflower field of her old home. Bo realizes she talks about her past easily now. Before, not that he could blame her or even judge, she used to keep it to herself, mentioning small things in passing. Now she offered things up like a piece of candy in her palm, holding it out to him to take and savor. He hopes he’s able to do that with her soon.

She finishes her own crown and grins, placing it on top of her head and when she meets Bo’s eyes she’s grinning, eyes squinted, but then she’s looking at his crown and her mouth is dropping into a gasp. “Don’t. Fucking. Move.” 

“What? Why? Don’t tell me theres a fuckin’ bug, Brooklyn, I’ll freak-”

“No, there’s not! Just don’t move a muscle for me, Bo, alright?” His lips thin out in a frown and she stands, slipping her shoes back on. “I’m serious! Not a muscle! I’ll reward ‘ya if you listen.” He rolls his eyes as she disappears but begrudgingly does as he’s told, keeping still and staring ahead at where she had been just moments before. He hears her rummaging in the truck and his eyebrows furrow, mind racing at what she could possibly be doing. He left the keys in the car. She could be leaving right now, he thinks, she could have been lying all this time about loving him and had found her opening. Right when he is about to whip his head around, she calls out to him. “Coming back! You didn’t move, right, baby?”

Her approaching footsteps ease his racing heart and mind just a bit. “Yes ma’am,” He confirms, unable to hide his toothy smile when she walks back into his line of sight. “What’re you doin’ with that thing?” He asks as she bends down, polaroid camera in hand. She doesn’t say anything, just holds it to her eyes and takes a photo after a pause. He tries to keep a smile on his face, but he frowns when she pulls out a phone. “What’re you doin’ with that?” 

“Oh, relax, grumpy. Just keeping some memories, that alright with you?” She takes a photo and then sits down beside him on the blanket, smooshing her face beside his, and grinning. “Say cheese!”

“No.”

“Bo, c’mon! Say cheese.” He sighs, a smile tugging on his lips. “I’ll kiss you if you do!”

A moment of silence. “...Cheese.” She snaps the photo and when she looks at the photo, much to her surprise, Bo has a wide and easy smile on his face; one of his real ones. “Now can you tell me why I wasn’t allowed to move, miss bossy?”

She kisses his cheek and rests her head on his shoulder, the flowers on her crown tickling his skin, but she shows him the now-developed polaroid. “Cause you had a few butterflies on your head.” Bo makes a surprised noise, carefully taking the photo out of her hand. He sat there, criss-cross with his hands in his lap and a smile on his face. On top of the crown were two monarch butterflies. One sat just above his left eye, wings outstretched boasting off the vibrant colors. The other was mid flight, flying away from Bo back towards another flower somewhere else. 

“I love monarch butterflies.” Bo says with a soft sigh, handing the photo back to Brooklyn. “Les, Vince, and I used to hang out behind the church a lot where the garden used to be. That’s where we had a buncha these flowers, the orange ones, and these little guys,” He taps at the butterfly in the photo with his finger. “They would lay their eggs in ‘em. We watched ‘em all hatch and then they’d sorta… flutter around and shit. Used to love watchin’ ‘em when I’d be staying out of the house.”

Brooklyn grins, moving off of his shoulder and grabbing his hand with hers. “You know something? These are my favorite butterflies too. The monarch ones; back in school we did a unit on them and they were my favorites. They symbolize change, transition, and hope.” She brings Bo’s large, calloused, murderous, hand to her lips and presses a soft kiss to his knuckles, ones that hadn’t been split open by someones face or covered in another persons blood in months. “Guess they knew the two of us would change, right?”

“You believe that?” He asks, tone soft and light, followed by a laugh when she nods. “I ain’t changed a bit since I was a kid. Still an asshole, still a fuck up. You though, I’m sure you changed.” She cocks an eyebrow at him and he isn’t totally sure if it's at his own negative self-talk or the implication that she had changed since she was younger. “No way you were this cool as a kid.”

“Oh, I was, trust me. Biggest goddamn nerd around, baby! Always had my nose in a book.” Her smile falters ever so slightly and Bo gives her hand a reassuring squeeze. “You weren’t either of those things as a kid, though. You were just a kid in a bad situation.” It’s her turn to reassure him, ground him there in the field of flowers, remind him he’s not back home strapped to his high chair. When her fingers wrap around his wrist, it’s gentle, doesn’t bring back the same burning pain that it used to. “But if that’s what you think of yourself back then… then you did change. You let yourself grow, that’s all.”

Bo swallows thickly and nods. He didn’t know if that was true. Sure, he knew he was a kid, knew he didn’t deserve what had happened to him, knew deep down that it wasn’t his fault, but when the people who raised you made it their mission to tell you that it was true, it was hard not to believe it. But being here with her, listening to her say it so earnestly just in front of him, wearing the flower crown she had made him out of nothing but love, it was a little easier to stomach. 

“Alright, alright, too sappy.” He says suddenly and she smiles, kissing his cheek, understanding. He tries to play it off as a joke but she knows that he hears her words, he just can’t tell her that himself. He figures one day he’ll be able to. Bo stands, taking care to keep his crown on his head. “Now, you wanna pack up and head home, honey? You owe me that reward for sittin’ still, remember?”

She rolls her eyes but nods, holding her hand out to him to help her up. “Who said it was that type of reward, perv?” He gives her a look and she grins. “Yeah, dumb question. What’re you staring at my hand for?” Bo can feel his cheeks heat up at being caught and, after he’s sure she’s up and steady, he drops her hand. 

“Nothing.”

“Bo, cmon!”

“Fine! It’s dumb, but… was just thinking you’d look good with a ring on ‘ya, that’s all.” 

Her face instantly morphs into a love sick grin and she wraps him into a hug, head resting on his shoulder. Bo wraps his own arms around her and leans his head onto her own and the two stay there, clutching the other, for just a moment. It was silent, but it was a good silence, the kind where everything, including his ever-racing mind, was still. “Now you’re definitely getting that reward.”

He laughs and she can feel it rumble in his chest. “Fine by me, peach. Let’s pack up and head home, okay?” That night, after everything was packed away and they had gotten home and they had their fun, they both laid in their bed, him on his back and her on her side. He stares up at the ceiling, looking over at his bedside table and grinning at the flower crown that laid there. He had already sent Lester a text message asking how to press flowers and had gotten back a ‘I’ll show ya!’ text. “I love you.” He says and she rolls over in an instant, throwing her arm over his bare waist.

“And I love you, Bo.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Y’know, I thought of a new nickname for you.”

He looks down at her and grins. “Yeah?” She hums, nuzzling further into his side. He briefly recalls when they first slept in the same bed together, how she stayed on her side with her back towards him, how she tensed up whenever he moved. Now, she clung to his side, ear pressed to his chest, his heartbeat in her head. “And what is it?”

“Butterfly.” He scoffs and she giggles. “It’s good! And fitting in my professional opinion. Way better than bobcat, that’s for sure.”

“Hey! Watch it, peach!”

“Aww, m’just teasin’, butterfly. I love all your little nicknames for me. They’re cute.”

“Like me?”

“Exactly.” She grins and leans up ever so slightly and he leans down, lips connecting and Bo finds himself shocked at the electricity he’s still able to feel when they do. It was always like the first time with her.

Bo lets her roll over and curl into herself with a small grin. “Goodnight, honey.” That night, he dreams of a butterfly field, the two of them in the middle.

[the-ghost-17]

⚠️/// mentions of self harm ///⚠️

Me normally: ugh I hate my scars, they're just a reminder of how I fucked up and there's no reason for them to be there cause I'm an over reacting piece of shit...

The litle voice in the back of my head: ...but what if we cut ourself again?

Me: No its not ok, it's not healthy, and we already have a hard enough time hiding one arm

Also me: ooooh but you know you wanna, you like how it feelsss, you like how it punishes us, you like the taste the smell and the sight of blood, you know you wanna just do a little stabby stab mmm?

Me: No shut up, if anyone sees them they'll just think I'm doing it for attention

Also me: oh but you love the way the cuts look on your skin, besides isn't it better to take out the anger on yourself than others? And I know you'd feel so much better afterwards

Me: I'm not gonna never again, no matter how much pain I think I'm in no matter how much my arm itches for the knife no matter how stupid I feel, never again

Also me: yah but that's what you said last time and look at where we are, the other scars weren't super visible but these are so whats the point in not adding more?

Me: just go fuck yourself

Also me: alright but if you need me I'll just be in the corner repeating myself, and if you ever need a relief member you keep a pair of scissors in your room...

[max-jagerman-asks]

the litle tiepnsy!oxygen frequency 😋so adornale and cutest tootsit 🥺awww like and double tap so it can the live the cute 😊happy kdb

AM I BEING HATE CRIMED OR SOMETHING WHAT IS THIS SHIT

[commaclear]

comma I have a connfesion, when i was in first grade i punched a kid unprompted. i bitch slapped him accross the face but with my fist. i wasnt known as a bully and had never interacted with him prior too this, he was one of those football boys who. i did it because i felt like it, i literaly just wanted too see how he would react and figured there was no time like the present, the teacher tried too explain why it was wrong but i just didnt get it.

growing up i literaly treated reality like a sandbox game and people like labrats, i would do anything i wanted because i didnt give a shit about the conqecuences or my peers own feelings. if nobody else was going too find out what happened i was, and i got away with it most of the time. my poor litle brother still thinks he has a horrible illness that only affects him when hes sleeping! point is ive realised that throought the years i have been the outlier too everyone else, so many people must hate me with burning rage or ponder my actions. everyone has a story from their childhood in wich they are comedicaly wronged by a peer and ive realised that i AM that person. i am that bitch who said there was a secret tunnel to china underneath the sandbox and instruced you too dig til you got there, then told you there was dogshit in the sandbox only after you had been digging for ages. i was that kid who would hide under the tables waiting for someone too sit down only too grab their ankles with my cold small childlike hands. i was that kid who would start fucking cackling in the middle of a math class because i was bored.

point is was i insane as a child or is this a seminormal experiance?

I too was a strange and violent child, but don't worry because childhood is the time when it's safe to explore cause and effect. It's actually pretty normal for kids to do bizarre things just to see what will happen cuz developmentally that's what they should be doing!

Everyone was a weird kid and if you say you weren't, then either you're lying to yourself or you weren't paying enough attention

[aqpippin]

Please talk some more about Barracuda AU because I may or may not be also lowkey invested 👀

pls I've done nothing for it for like a YEAR but I'm still so obsessed with it -- it's an s12 jankie + crygi (minor halldoll like they're there but it's not a major moment) / rivals to friends/lovers / swimming au fic it's massive sjsjsj it's angsty and smutty (?maybe ?? not 100% sold on smut yet) with some cute fluffy moments but we've really gotta ride through the angst to get to it 🫠 jackie's new, jan's threatened, gigi hates everyone except crystal, crystal's injured, nicky's just having a great time -- everyone gets to interact with everyone, like if I ever finish this it's gonna be so long (well a lot longer than I've ever written as a oneshot girlie)

I'm gonna show what I have under a cut bc otherwise this is just gonna be long as fuck

I've put so much effort into worldbuilding and ironing out details and yet I have no fic to prove it 🥴🥲 I have a pinterest and a playlist, fake lil instagrams, a notion spreadsheet, and so many quotes and small segments but not a single completed chapter AHAHA this fic has been like nearly three years in the making and there's fuck all to show for it 😌 it's very rich kids with rich kid problems but also queer young person problems what a time honestly

jackie is the new kid, so good at her craft she's there on a sporting scholarship, so unbothered by the whole vibe of everyone else on the team. she's quick to make friends with crystal, who shows her the ropes to surviving college with the team. in turn, jackie teaches crystal some important lessons. she doesn't get along with gigi, she knows gigi hates her but she doesn't have the energy to give a fuck about it which pisses gigi off even more. she knows jan also doesn't like her, but in all honesty, she doesn't really care enough about that either. she's there for the degree and swimming keeps her entertained

jan is the overachieving, hard working team captain -- real take no shit, I'm going to the olympics even if it means I have to drown you. she's popular and well liked although she's known to be very overbearing, she works hard and her position has never been threatened until jackie's arrival - cue sexy tension. jan and gigi have been best friends since childhood, they know what the other is going to say and do before it even happens, they have no idea what they would do without each other

gigi is jan's best friend, she also works super hard but isn't has nice or over the top about it, she has a rep for being a bit of a blonde cunt. she doesn't have time for people who aren't worthy of her time. she hates jackie with an absolute passion, which is a problem considering they have most of the same classes. her soft spot is crystal, her sweet girlfriend who she would do anything for. gigi knows swimming isn't her forever, but she's gonna milk it while she lasts -- she's well perceived on social medias and always has a brand deal under her belt

crystal has just been dropped from the team post injury, she's just had shoulder surgery and knows that her swimming career is over. she watches and supports her team from the stands, even though it kills her to watch them go on without her. crystal and gigi have always done swimming together, and now that she's out, crystal isn't sure that they have that much in common. crystal and jackie quickly become friends as the two outsiders of the group, with crystal giving jackie litle tips and tricks on how to become 'part of the team'. crystal loves jackie's view of swimming as a hobby and not a lifestyle, and it's an ideology she has to adopt herself

nicky loves everyone -- she gets in and gets the job done and will always suggest smoothie bowl dates after training. she's good friends with jan and gigi but isn't as intense, but she's super close with crystal, they're the team idiots who have a real protective streak for the other. she's a bit standoffish towards jackie at first, but warms up to her in due time. she's often caught hitting her head on the wall because she's too busy staring at a certain diver

pinterest / playlist

[solardick]

Hurry up and syart ww3 already. Instead of sissy slapping each other. Sanction this and sanction that. You think Iran goves a shit?

I want to watch a missile fly over canada and hit my apartment building.

We’re all peace and love bitch. But we’ll sanction youninto a suicidal depression if we font likebyou.

It’ll be just endless years going back and forwards as far as the eye can see. Nervous tension. In a system at the core and perimeter of existence.

Nervous system. Get it?

Stupid fucken pills dont even work.

Wow that demon that leapt in with my mother sure did fuck that family up. That added to the….. i hate my fathers family. They’re just i dont know off. Don’t know much at all about family. Not at all. Indont know any of them. My little brother some. There was some good bonding there. Litle sis too. But she only comes accompanied by a parent. The story goes

Like this. The cast away from the mother and the tragic death of a brother. Both narative drive together and merge into the offspring. Its collective karma. The chosen one, will bare all the weight of all their bs. Two naratives that flow togwther tangle together and create together something from them. This is not to be primarly thought of as genes. Or dna or whatever all that crap is. Its more of being beyond the physical. Maybe meta maybe no. No where near all that.

And the story goes quite literaaly as the cast away whi dies tragically. The fool from the father the arroganve from the mother.

And has nothing to do with me. I want it to go away. But. Sadly. Trajjixally as it is. Brushed off the shoulder cuz ya too much a pussy to own it.

Welcome to life mother fucker.

No one cares. No one knows you. And neither are you spart of the decisions for your life. Thats fantastic. The entire reality from birth on. What am i suposed to do with all of it. I can see all the “building” from media. How ot all flows together to mind control. Or more as in a means of a path from given asdociates that later play into life experiences. And then one has fate” wispering in your ear.

Four sibblings. Middle child. The dot in the center of five. The dot in the center is chaos. A dark reverberating orb. And is a phase. The cutting of. That which is past and future. Finally a girl!

Tarot card five is the pope. Two and two? One white priestess one black priestess. Or perhaps better termed the Hall. To russian its the tower.

Dont beleive ehat i say, o got that lying disease thing. Got a do it.

The chances of finding someone to share life with has gone down to about 5%.

🎶Im gonna be dead, im not surviving. Im gonna be dead. Im not…🎶

At least im not shitting mucous anymore. Still. My sanity is draining. Focus and attention. Gone. This keeps up. Im gonna need assisted living.

Lets see if i survive to my next birthday. Not even depression season yet.

Intellectual motivation gone. Esoteric motivation gone. External acheivemtnet motivarion gone. I wanted someone to do it with me. A fair delicate touch. The voice of command to subtlety. Becaus eif i do it. If i try to do it. Its not going to pan out. 30 years have taught me that. Locked out of life. Then i tried. And i got raped. So. I dont know if i want to try anymore.

Scorpio is nothing but criminal and bs. Iam a lesser person anyway. How ive always been treated. The quip sense of elation to superiority. Scorpio. Or simply hilding a power of someones soul. Gives a sense of grandeur. So ive seen.

Ive seen that expression often enough that theres an extended sense for it.

I dont know people. There zero life there. So much “energy” rippling through the consciousness. Not something i know. A functional relationship. Never had one really. Here and there perhaps. Ow everyone knows me for who there are. All holding inside information. Nothing is direct. Its too dangerous. You go for direct and they shot you down. They may attack you. Put themselves over me. Domination. Someone always has some heavy leaning of power when it comes to my person. Always. This is no different just a grandeur scale of what always was. They think the hold that power and they trip on it. But they don’t. Just pons.

Pons are maniacs. They kill or they sacrifice. Or they cockblock the king.

I used to go

Buy a dvd once teice a week and the guy in the store started stalking me. Shadowing me trying to seize an opportunity to exort his will over mine.

Some gay guy also started bashing me in. Because i didnt want him to blow me.

Wearing an hawieen shirt, i dont know how to spell it, and some fag basher started giving me a hard time by exerting his influence.

I can go on at length.

Playing hide and seek as a kid. Brother found me. But he prettended he didn’t. And he kept walking by. Did that a few times.

Ok ill stop……

Ive soemt everyday for most of my life fearing for my life. Now theyr trying to rob the rest of my life with more perversion. Ill mever know whatbits loke to be a person.

Well as weary as i am about the bible’s goal of passifying and subordinating mankind.

And it seems the only life i get to have is one of secrecy. Have to prevtend like i dont exist. Kept the evil at bay. And do nothing or ill be attacked for no reason. 40 years on the reveiving end of people eill to

Dominate. So i cant be a man. Because thats part and parcel of being one. Apparently. I dont know. Ive never been human. A reason why i have cock written on my forehead. Cuz thats all that matters. Thats all people

See of me. Eat the rooster. Call the sunrise. Bring a new day into the world. Apparently not. My day. They just seem to be sucking the brains out of my head. Makes me more malleable. Im not even allowed to learn how humans are like. Its just solitude and watrangement. Caus they all evil. And the good is juat absent.

But, i question somethign else. How does it work? Its like inhad the system. Whatever that is. Speaking through me to me. Prophetic intimate knowledge. As i walk through the valley and am touched by providence.

Providence is a word ive really ever used. Though it should have over the last several years. I can see how someone would say “its your higher self” whatever that means. But what about the providence. You cannot understand the pressence of an entity. Presence fits better. And then past that there a whole world pretending yo be it. And your like….. nothing.

[ghost-of-the-machine]

im so ashamed actually!!!!!!!!!!! so terribly ashamed i feel like the most disgusting person in the world, cuz thats how intense my brain works it thinks like. oh have yr friends ever called furries weird or implied they thought furries were weird? that means they think you are weird which means they basically want nothing to do with you you should kill yourself NOW!!!!!! i said damn bitch!!!!!! god forbid a man be passionate about. things.

it really is just cuz it has nothing to do with them i think thats one of the core reasons, its completely unrelated and i dont think theyd be interested so... do not RISK IT. maybe im selfish, i just.. i cant stand the thought of something i do being unappealing to them, i cant stand the thought of them looking away. any little thing could be a huge thing!!!! could be the worst thing ever actually could be the end of all things could ruin this

do i think being a furry is going to ruin my relationships? realistically, no. why would it? ive ALWAYS been a furry artist, so.. why am i so scared? sorry if you have to see this its very VERY embarrassing but LORD i am not winning the mental illness rn dear god

its like my head constantly makes hurdles for itself, but like. FOR OTHER PEOPLE. like okay.. they dont hate you cuz yr trans, cool cool... they dont hate you cuz yr have bpd, surprisingly!!!! alright. they dont hate you cuz yr fat, right.. but heres this NEW thing, they SURELY will hate you cuz you draw anthros like you are FUCKED say goodbye to everything dipshit. erm........... whats it gonna be next? theyll hate yr taste in fictional men, thatll do it!!! theyll hate yr music taste, theyll hate you for yr mental illness (not that one, the other one. they were fine with that one but THIS one theyll hate you for surely)

it pisses me off too, i KNOW my friends are good people. i dont seriously THINK that of them, i dont think theyre vicious and waiting to toss me away at any turn but... im still scared of it. i said it before, im scared ill be the one to bring that out of them like im somehow SO terrible ill make the best people ive ever met turn on me like that. FOR DRAWING FURRIES? are you actually stupid (yes)

i cant blame myself too much im. doing the best i can im unmedicated untherapied im . IM DOING PRETTY GOOD for someone whos been carrying several weird ailments and still just chugging along, i manage my symptoms when i can i do my best!!! but fighting yr own brain is FUCKING HARD... why is bro sabotaging me? why is it making me impulsive and scared like that? stupid quit it!!!! i got furries to draw i MISS IT SO MUCH I MISS MY GUYS. IM JUST... im a coward!!!!! i cant ever be like. well so what, who cares what they think? ME BITCH I CARE WHAT THEY THINK.. i hear everything they say, i remember all the things they say they like and dont like, and i internalize it subconsciously. they think this is weird and they personally dont like it? alright well you dont have much of an opinion on it OR you do actually like it so thats BAD we need to cut that shit immediately you will feel SHAME for something harmless cuz you think itll make them keep you longer

dont you get tired of it? YEAH i get real fuckin tired of it. so many times ive tried to like.. force myself back into what i love but as embarrassing as it is to admit, in my head their opinion on things is greater than my own. i struggle with putting people on a pedestal and ive actually been doing REALLY WELL with that like no they are my equals they are my best friends i love them i give them kiss but. The Horrors 💀 like i said it all comes out of fear, fear of being rejected and left to DIE ALONE IN THE COLD. do i think thatll ever happen? no!!! but do i fear it? absolutely. its less of like 'i see you as better than me' and more of 'im afraid to disappoint you and make you leave' which i feel like is pretty standard for someone like me

WHATEVERRR i should stop being such a litle bitch about it, ill try. i just hate feeling like everything i do is a test, i hate feeling so unsure about myself, if i move too fast itll shatter. it wont!!!! relax 🙄