#Harry is bad at communicating essential warnings

[gimlilithegreat]

If it doesn't go away hit it with a hammer by Gimlili

Chapter 1 of my follow up to Don't think about it and it will go away on its own is finally up! Only a year late so I figure I'm doing okay!

[lyinginbedmon]

Oh lordy is there bad things going down across the VTuber space right now so I’m gonna try and unpack them for ease of comprehension.

Real quick: A VTuber is essentially just a regular livestreamer but instead of a facecam they have a custom model (usually made of layered images but also often a full 3D object) that tracks their face and such. Big tiddy anime girl representation to say the least but it’s a very creative space.

Next: Silvervale, Silver for short. Silver is one such big tiddy anime (wolf) girl, who is part of a corporate group of VTubers called VShojo. I probably don’t need to describe much more for the purposes of this post.

Hogwarts Legacy is a video game based in the bigotry-entrenched universe of the Harry Potter franchise by notorious face-of-transphobia Joanne K. Rowling. Since its announcement in 2018, trans individuals and groups have quite rightly highlighted numerous ethical and moral problems with the game ranging from the inherent bigotry of the setting, to the involvement of literal far-right YouTubers in its development, to just the basic stuff like its success greenlighting further instalments all while Rowling pockets royalties to (expressly) further fund her anti-trans projects (which includes her writing Literally being read into record to quash things like the Equality Act).

The general advice, which would be true regardless of your actual thoughts on the game or franchise, was to just not play it. That way Rowling makes less money, fewer future games are made, and nobody gets hurt as a result. You end your day $60 better off that you can spend on some other big game that isn’t basically radioactive.

To say the Video Gamers did not take that advice well would be an understatement, but things get really ugly when a streamer who otherwise professes to creating a calm and friendly atmosphere, who makes claims to being an ally, gives in and plays the Wizard Game. I’m not going to say that people haven’t been harassed for playing it, almost certainly someone has, but I just don’t have the data to be certain that it goes much further than just posting “trans rights” in chat.

Enter Silvervale. Despite half a decade of advance warning that she shouldn’t play this game, she played it anyway. Live on camera. The community she’d fostered for years didn’t take this well either, and the stream ended early amid purported harassment from the chat. Silver wasn’t the first VTuber to play the Wizard Game, but she was one of the first English-speaking ones.

Things could have just quietly ended there, but Silver then returned to streaming with more of the game and a statement that she had been “harassed” by “freaks and degenerates” on Twitter. Not her best choice of words, but the damage was done.

Because of the 5-year leadup to the Wizard Game releasing, the right-wing mob had already noticed the controversy around it and had made Huge investments into buying and promoting the game as well as spewing vitriol against anyone who even slightly suggested that doing so was in poor taste. They naturally then flocked to Silver’s defense and, following her unfortunate description of “marginalised people making their discomfort known as they had declared they would Years in advance” using language straight from 1930s Germany, started directly attacking any streamer who voiced their intent not to play the game however detailed their reasoning.

As a brief aside, there’s some confusion over how Silver’s chat moderation is set up, seemingly blocking such phrases as “trans rights are human rights”. Some say it’s an overzealous automod, others that her moderators are actually blocking the phrases, it’s unclear and not hugely worth focusing on here. But I mention it because it’s one of the common points made as people state their side on this issue.

This has essentially made Silver the face of transphobic bigotry in the VTuber community, whether or not she actually considers herself aligned with such bigots. Multiple smaller and independent trans VTubers have completely stopped streaming because of the bile being spewed at them by people with the likes of #IStandWithSilver in their bios. The overlaps between accounts on social media posting in her defense and numerous far-right hate movements is as undeniable as it is unpleasant to catalogue.

And boy that’s just the foundation of this whole sorry affair.

Another VTuber who is part of the same company as Silver, VShojo, is Apricot (more commonly called Froot). Froot not only decided to vocally not play the Wizard Game, but to post a tweet saying that she would personally donate to UK trans children’s charity Mermaids for every like the tweet received. She added that her brother is trans and she supports him immensely.

So the bigots that leapt to Silver’s defense very predictably started calling Froot a paedophile and child groomer, which is more or less what they label every pro-trans individual ever these days. Froot had to lock replies on her charity post and her post about her brother as a result, though the tweets remain up.

Most recently, a third peer in VShojo called Ironmouse came to Silver’s defense specifically in opposition to the alleged harassment she received which, again, anyone could have seen coming in the last 5 years by googling the Steam page for this game.

And honestly, at this point, whatever actually happened to Silver in that first stream is completely irrelevant because she’s become the rallying cry of people who actively want to exterminate the entire trans community from cradle to grave and literally beyond. And so much of it could be resolved or at least get the wind out of its sails if she took 5 minutes to just apologise for and disavow everything that happened in her name after she decided to keep playing the Wizard Game.

But, and I say this with no disrespect to Silver, I’m not holding my breath.

[dramionediscussion]

Can we talk about fic pet peeves?

I want to make it clear that this is not about a specific fic or author, but just some things I've seen in this fandom over the years. I've been reading Dramione for almost 15 years now and there are so many things that authors include that have become a pet peeve of mine.

This is not just exclusive to Dramione though, I have dabbled in other HP pairs before (e.g., Hansy, Theomione) and other fandoms (Gossip Girl, Elementary), and I have seen the same things there. I also have definitely come across some of these in published romance novels.

But this is a Dramione blog, so I will talk about them in context to this pairing.

Men being the cause of the breakup. So many times it's always Draco who messes up or says something horrible or doesn't "do enough". He is the one who has to repent and beg for forgiveness. Very rarely do you see a fic where Hermione is the one who is wrong and needs to apologize. And even when she does, it's always Draco who cuts her off and spins it around and makes him the bad guy who caused Hermione to be that way, and she doesn't actually have to work hard for forgiveness. Just a simple "I'm sorry" and he then says "no no, it's me....".

Having more than one conflict in a fic. Halfway through a story, the pair will have a major fight, which causes them to part. You then have a few chapters of them reflecting and then talking and making up. Then towards the last quarter of the fic, something comes up again and the characters react in the same way as before. You would think that they would have learned from the previous argument and not jump to conclusions and actually communicate. It feels like we are taking one step forward and 5 steps back. Why was this necessary? Why show your characters acting this way and show that they did not grow as people?

Focusing on so many other characters. I get that ensemble fics are a thing, but you need to say that in the beginning. You cannot just tag Draco and Hermione as the pairing, and then 5 chapters in, half the page is Harry and Ginny dialogue with no mention of the main pair. Let people know these things.

Speaking of other pairs, you need to tell your readers if you are gonna include scenes of Draco or Hermione having sex with other people. You need to tag these side pairings and say that we will read explicit scenes with Ron or Astoria or someone. We came for Draco and Hermione smut, not Ron or Pansy or Astoria or Viktor.

Since we are on the topic of tags. TAG ALL YOUR WARNINGS! So many times authors don't tag Rape/Non-Con!! Tag pregnancy difficulties, tag character deaths, tag the non-Dramione endings, tag violence, tag blood and gore, and tag any and all kink. Just tag things, it doesn't spoil the fic for people. Letting people know about things that may trigger them is not spoiling, it's human decency to let us know what your fic will entail.

Hermione's parents not being in the fic. Now I know Hermione sent her parents away before the war, but so many times you read about her not going back for them, not being able to retrieve their memory, then not wanting to be part of her life because of what she did. I understand it if this is a part of the fic, Hermione essentially grieving the loss of her parents. But what I have noticed is that most times author just have a throwaway line that her parents are not in her life, and it seems like it's not a big deal. Like oh well Hermione's mother is non-existent, but hey she has Molly now! Hermione's parents are not important in the HP canon, and it seems like authors feel the same, which is sad.

Molly being the matriarch of the trio. In canon, she kind of is because the stories are from Harry's perspective and he encounters the Weasleys and ingrains himself with their family, but she is always portrayed this way in fanfiction as well. As I mentioned in the previous comment, Hermione's mother isn't there so authors make Molly the mother figure for her, which is fine but authors make their relationship closer than what canon implies. But Draco also has a mother and most times we see Molly in the story more than Narcissa. I would assume that Narcissa would be the matriarch of that fic rather than Molly in a Dramione.

Harry and Ron being too involved in Hermione's life. Again this is fine, but it does get annoying to see fic after fic of them butting too much into her life and getting angry when she makes her own decisions. Friends should not try to control you, but guide and offer advice and be there if you fail.

Hermione not having friends outside of Harry and the Weasleys. I would assume that as they got older and got into the real world, they would meet new people and make new friends, not only stick to the same people they knew since they were 11. The Wizarding World is small, but we do have so many other characters in canon that you can use, it's okay to have Hermione become best friends with Padma, Luna, or Dean. You can have Draco even becoming bffs with Neville. He too is always stuck with Blaise or Theo and Pansy. Sometimes he doesn't have any friends and the fic only shows Hermione's friends.

If a fic starts off with Draco and Hermione having a relationship with another person, the breakup is always a bad one. People in real life have amicable breakups with their partners, it doesn't always have screaming and yelling and hatred. Most times this is used as a catalyst for the drama in a fic, but I would like to read a fic where Ron stays friends with Hermione and listens to her when she is talking about Draco, him offering advice or teasing her about a crush. It would be nice to see Astoria and Draco doing the same. And I say this as a huge "Ron Weasley Bashing" fan.

Hermione not knowing about fashion and makeup and having to rely on Ginny for help to get read for a date. Nowhere in canon does it claim that Hermione is like this, so how is this a common trope? I think this feeds into the "Hermione is not like other girls trope".

Hermione being the Brightest Witch of Her Age. In canon this is not a real thing, it is not an honorific that was bestowed on her by some sort of higher authority. It was something Harry and Remus said, it was their opinion. So having multiple people in a fic say this as though it is a proper title given to her annoys me honestly. Because when this happens, the fic always tends to have her being the only one who can solve the problem. So many people came before her and weren't able to do this particular thing, but Hermione somehow accomplished it without much help, with just a few books and at the ripe age of 24! These types of fics tend to have their characters fresh out of Hogwarts, so they are young but are able to become Heads of Departments! Can you imagine the 30/40-something-year-old who has been working for over 10/15 years in the ministry thinking it's only a matter of time before they get promoted to senior status, then suddenly this 20-year-old who just finished school walks in and gets the highest position without any experience or further education? I'd riot!

Draco not having a job. Many times fics have Hermione working hard in her career, but Draco is "in the family business" or "does investments". What does this mean???

Hermione being a virgin while Draco is the sex god. This trope feels sexist.

Hermione not doing anything muggle. This is similar to Harry in canon. It feels like Hermione forgot where she came from, and she doesn't care to go into the muggle world, or take Draco there.

Draco being obsessed with Hermione. Sometimes fics make his whole life revolve around her.

Luna being seen as weird. After all she has done and all she has shown to people that she is a smart, brave, very important friend to the trio, we still have scenes where Hermione and her friends make fun of Luna and her creatures. That is just rude.

This is all I can think of at the moment. I know this is a lot, but I kind of stopped reading fics for a while and as I managed Dramioneasks during this time, I would see new fics and just add them to my bookmarks. So I am now catching up on those fics and I feel like I am reading the same stuff over and over. Same tropes, same themes, same personalities, which is not a bad thing but it does give rise to pet peeves and thinking about older fics and how things haven't really changed over the last 15 years or so of my dramione life.

Again this is not from one fic or one author, but multiple fics and authors I have read over the years. Some of the fics I think are 5 stars have these pet peeves in them.

Do you guys agree with these? Do you have more to add? Leave them in the comments or send us a message. I would love to discuss and rant with you!

-Lisa

[misscarolineshelby]

Spanked

Part Three: The Proposal

Pairing: Modern Tommy Shelby x Reader

Words: 1,045

Warning: None…This is only the beginning!

Original Blog: @queenshelby (this is just my backup account as I have been having Tumblr issues)

Two weeks later…

Your heart fluttered when you saw his name pop up in the lower right side of your computer screen.

Over the past two weeks, you had learned that you weren’t the only one at the firm whose breathing quickened when they saw a notification from him and rumours had it that, if he sent you an email himself, you would either be fired or there is a serious issue he required you to fix.

In the company, Thomas Shelby was certainly known for his bluntly worded feedback, demanding expectations, and his particular style of putting employees on the spot and, whilst many of the females in his company took a liking in him, they feared him at the same time.

You quickly opened your inbox and clicked on the email. It was short and straight to the point.

‘My office at 4 o’clock. Don’t be late’ it said, giving you no indication on what this was about.

You had never been to his office and asked Lizzie where it was. She confirmed that it was on the top floor of the building and you already dreaded going in there even after you had run into him in the building almost every day for the past two weeks and he had never said anything bad to you.

***

At 3.50pm, you grabbed a pen and your notebook, flipping to a fresh page. You began mentally preparing yourself to speak to him, wishing his email had given you any inclination as to what he might want so you could prepare yourself further.

You found him rather intimidating and stood up and smoothed down your outfit which was a navy-blue dress that fitted you quite well. It clung to your small figure and it was yet another dress you had borrowed from your roommate.

You straightened the tight blazer you wore over it and fiddled with the long necklace that sat on your chest.

Clutching your notebook against your chest, you quickly made your way to the elevator which took you to Tommy’s office.

***

You approached his partially opened office door. Taking a deep breath, you hurried up to it and knocked twice on the door.

‘Come in’ Tommy called out, not bothering to lift his head up to face you.

You stepped in and stood waiting at the table that separated you while he finished typing a sentence in an email. You surveyed the office. It was extremely neat and tidy. It was also perfectly fitted out. In one corner, there was a side board with a record player and expensive bottles of whiskey while, on the other side of the room, there were some large book shelves.

‘I looked at the charitable contributions made by my Michael Grey two days ago. Was that your idea?’ he asked and you nodded nervously.

‘Mr Shelby, I know it is a lot of money but the penalties imposed by the tax department would have been higher and, at least this way, you will be seen to provide essential services to the community’ you explained, justifying your report to Michael Grey who was one of the senior business advisors of Shelby Company Limited.

‘Well, according to my cousin, you saved the business 800,000 pounds’ Tommy then said while looking up at you for the first time and instructing you to take a seat.

You nodded shyly in response to his comment and sat down in one of the large arm chairs in front of his desk. By this point, you were fidgeting your hands and it was obvious to Tommy that you were nervous.

‘Now, I need you to develop a plan to deal with some more money coming in next week. I want all of it invested across our different businesses’ he said.

‘How much are we talking about Mr Shelby?’ you asked.

’27 million pounds’ he responded, causing you to gulp.

’27 million pounds? The forecasts I’ve been given don’t show this kind of money coming into the business as a lump sum during this quarter’ you said somewhat surprised.

‘That’s correct’ Tommy said, looking at you sternly.

‘It’s off the books and you want me to launder the money?’ you asked nervously, assuming that this is what he was referring to.

‘I don’t like to use this word, Love. Let’s just say, I want you to get creative’ he explained and you were surprised that he had just admitted to you that his company was, indeed, involved in some illegal operations.

‘What makes you think that I agree to this? I could just go to the police instead’ you said somewhat surprised and, just as you did, Tommy began to laugh.

‘You have a 70,000-pound debt Love. University degrees are expensive. If you get creative with the company’s accounts, you will be debt free in no time. Your name will not appear on any of the accounts and, if there is formal investigation, your identity will be protected’ Tommy explained and, after you took a moment to think about what he was offering you, you nodded.

‘I want 5 cents on every dollar laundered’ you stammered after having gathered all your confidence.

‘Love, we work in pounds here, eh. It’s 27 million pounds’ Tommy clarified and you nodded again, but this time with a smile.

‘Yes, but I won’t be laundering the money through your UK businesses. It will be done through some brand-new enterprises in the US, which I will set up slowly. Thereby, no connection can be made to Shelby Company Limited’ you explained, causing to Tommy to nod with approval.

‘Alright, 5 cents in the dollar it is Love’ Tommy smirked before asking you to put together a proposal for his consideration and prepare all of the necessary paperwork and forecasts by the end of the week.

You nodded again before standing up and thanking Tommy for his time. Then, you walked towards the door while holding on to your notepad which is when Tommy said something else.

‘Y/N’ he said and you turned around to face him.

‘Yes Mr Shelby?’ you asked nervously.

‘The dress suits you’ he complimented you, causing you to blush.

 Tag List:

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@peaky-cillian  @queenyshelby ​

@severewobblerlightdragon​  @ysmmsy​  @midnightmystic

[sapphirelass]

Deal? - Remus LupinxDaughter!Reader

Hi! :)

Deal? (Part 1) | Oh, darling... (Part 2) | I’ll be by your side (Part 3) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note:

1: I don’t own any of the gifs used, nor any already established characters, so credit to the authors and original creators - You have done a phenomenal job :)

2: English is not my native language, as I was born and raised in Sweden. I have, however, studied English for almost a decade, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem, I just thought I’d let you know ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You probably already knew this, but still XD

(Y/N) - Your name

(Y/N/N) - Your nickname

(Y/H/L) - Your hair length

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear, my next story won’t be about Umbridge XD

Word count: ≈ 2300

Warnings: Umbridge, angst, slight swearing

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I do not wish to criticise the ways of the school, however you have been exposed to some rather irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed - not to mention” the toadlike professor threw a dark glance at a sandy haired student and smirked evilly, “extremely dangerous half breeds”.

The student in question raised her hand angrily, and glared at Professor Umbridge. “Yes?” the teacher smiled sweetly, “miss… Lupin, am I correct?”

“Yes, (Y/N)!” she began, “but that’s besides the point. Look, I know what you’re doing, but Professor Lupin was the best DADA teacher we’ve ever had, and I’d be more than happy to bet everything I own on that being quite a common opinion in this classroom!”

Most of her fellow classmates nodded furiously, and the young girl turned her head towards her professor, who immediately cleared her throat and declared: “Well, I’m afraid simply being a beloved teacher doesn’t really matter, dear.  Werewolves are still extremely dangerous creatures. They are beasts that are undeserving of respect and that should not be allowed to be part of our fine wizard community. They are uncontrollable, and highly likely to injure or possibly kill young witches and wizards, including their own children.”

She flashed a cruel, yet pleased, smirk as (Y/N) furiously stood up, despite Hermione desperately trying to force her down.

“You have NO IDEA what you’re talking about!?” she whispered angrily, her nails digging into her palms as her fists clenched. “You have probably never even met one of these so called ‘half breeds’, have you? No, you were most likely just told some bizarre stories containing more lies and made up facts than truths, and decided to put that worthless ‘knowledge’ - if you can even call it that - to use by spreading rumors and destroying the lives of innocent people.”

Umbridge looked frantic, and was about to speak up, but (Y/N) got there first. “I despise people who look down on others. People who claim to be better than everyone else. People like you. You certainly don’t deserve respect!”

She took a deep breath, and was about to continue when Umbridge’s shrill voice forced her to stay quiet. “That’s quite enough! Detention, miss Lupin. The rest of the week, five fifteen, don’t be late”.

***

A few hours later, (Y/N) made her way back to Umbridge’s office. She knew her friends had wanted to talk to her, but she had done her absolute best to avoid them all afternoon. She simply didn’t feel like explaining to them why she had done what she did. She’d gladly do it again though. Her father was the kindest, wisest, most incredible person she had ever met. He had done everything in his power to give her a good childhood, and no one had the right to insult him. She’d defend him to her last breath if that’s what it would come down to.

She knocked on the door carefully, and pushed it open when she heard a shrill, terrifying voice sing a sweet “come in”.

“Oh, miss Lupin, almost late I see!” she said arrogantly. (Y/N) didn’t have time to answer before her teacher continued. “Sit down.”

***

The detentions went on for another four days before Umbridge told her she didn’t have to come back the following evening, but that she better hold her tongue unless she longed for more. (Y/N) tried to keep that in mind, but still lost her cool a few more times before the end of the semester. However, the Christmas holidays were approaching, and though her red, swollen hand caused her to worry slightly, the idea of seeing her dad and godfather caused her enough joy to tip her mood over to “mainly happy”.

She stepped off the train with her friends, and immediately spotted her father on the platform.

“Dad!!” she shouted, and threw her scratched arms around his constantly scarred torso. “Merlin, I’ve missed you so much”. She buried her head in his shoulder, simply enjoying the feeling of love and safety that he somehow instantly gave off.

“Hello, darling!” he said gently, returning the bone-crushing hug. “I missed you too, believe me…”

(Y/N) wanted to stay like that forever, but eventually let go as she intended to at least try to keep her… problems… hidden. She had never really been able to keep secrets from her dad, and therefore didn’t want to do anything he would consider “out of the ordinary”. If she did, he’d figure it out, or persuade her to tell him everything within minutes, and she knew he’d feel guilty if he realized what she had done for him. She understood perfectly well that the scars on her hand were deep enough to be visible for the rest of her life, and that nothing she would say could convince Remus Lupin that it was not his fault. She was left with one option: He could not, under any circumstances, know. Ever.

They carried her trunk together, and walked a few feet behind the rest of the gang.

“So?”, her father inquired, “How are things? You all doing okay?”

“I suppose”, she answered, “Our new DADA teacher is quite a daft prick though.”

“(Y/N/N)!”, he muttered sternly, casually trying to hide a smile, “Are you sure that’s the right word? Sounds rather rough, doesn’t it?”

The witch shrugged. “No, I think it fits rather nicely. It’s almost as if she’s trying her very best to prevent us from learning anything helpful…”

“That’s… well, that doesn’t sound very promising, does it?”

“No, hence the slightly offensive description… But enough about her, how are you? Had any company while I was gone?”

The older wizard smiled, easily noticing the tone of his daughter’s voice switch into a far more joyful, energetic one - One he knew and loved!

“Oh yes, I’ve spent quite a bit of time at headquarters, and Sirius essentially isn’t allowed anywhere else, so we’ve done a lot of catching up. There is, believe it or not, a lot to talk about after 12 years without seeing each other, so it’s been very nice.” He turned to her, smiled even broader and added a quick “But I’ve still missed you.”, before quickening his pace to catch up with the others.

***

Later that night, (Y/N), Remus, Harry and Sirius were sat in the living room of number 12 Grimmauld Place. Harry and Sirius were playing catch with an old snitch they had found in the house, lazily throwing it back and forth. (Y/N) lay on a sofa, a thick leather bound book tightly clutched in her hands and her head resting on her fathers lap. He was deeply invested in A Guide to Medieval Sorcery, and father and daughter were simply enjoying a nice, calm evening.

All of a sudden, Sirius grabbed the snitch, sat up straight and reached out towards his godson.

“Harry, what’s that on your hand?”

The dark haired boy pulled the sleeves of his jumper further down and mumbled a quiet “nothing”.

“Sure, let me see then”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry abo…”

Harry didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, as Sirius had risen from his seat and forcefully grabbed his left hand. The slightly faded “I must not tell lies” was still readable, and Harry winced as the look on his godfather’s face went from composed to furious in a matter of seconds.

“Who?”

“Sirius, I…”

“WHO?!”

By this time, both Remus and (Y/N) had put their books down, and were carefully observing the “argument”.

“It’s our new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Umbridge. She’s quite generous when it comes to giving detentions. But mine’s really not that bad now. It barely hurts anymore…”

“That’s totally barbaric!? Moony, we have to…”

“Harry”, Remus interrupted his old friend with a worried look on his face, “What do you mean by ‘quite generous’?”

His heart practically skipped a beat when he felt his daughter shift uncomfortably, however it was Harry who answered.

“‘m quite sure half the Gryffindors have been to her office at least once by now. Even when you’re not really doing anything wrong, she’ll make up a ‘reasonable’ excuse…”

As Harry spoke, (Y/N) had unconsciously been pulling the sleeves of her jumper closer to her fingertips. Remus obviously noticed and made eye contact with Harry, nodding discreetly towards his daughter as if to ask if she too had… well… yeah? Harry closed his eyes, knowing full well how his friend wanted to hide her scars from her dad. It had taken hours of convincing before she had even let him, Ron and Hermione see, and he understood why she didn’t want Lupin to know. He did, however, not like the idea of lying to his former professor, and nodded slightly.

Remus closed his eyes looking simultaneously sad and angered, sat up straight and muttered “(Y/N/N)?”

The young witch took a deep breath and was about to move away from her dad, but he was faster and quickly grabbed her hand. He was very gentle, but she flinched anyways, as her last detention had taken place only a week prior.

“(Y/N/N)”, he repeated, “show me”

“Dad”, she mumbled quietly, “‘tis fine, don’t worry”

“(Y/N)!” His voice sounded far sterner now, “I’m serious. C’mere”

“No, I don’t want…”

“It’s not a question of whether or not you want to, Love”, Sirius explained before his friend could think of a response. “Show your dad.”

“But…”

“(Y/N/N)”, Harry mumbled, “Just… just do it”

“No! I can handle it! Stop making it sound like I’m too weak to do so!”

She felt a tear escape her eye, and stood up to leave the room when Remus waved his wand and locked the door.

Taking yet another deep breath, his daughter turned around, made her way across the room, pulled her left sleeve up and slammed her scarred hand down on the table for the other three to see.

“There! You happy now?!”

A flood of tears were streaming down her face, as her dad, godfather and best friend leant closer and read seven deep-red, awful, heart wrenching words:

***

I must not defend filthy half breeds

***

Remus put his head in his hands and stood up, while Sirius moved closer to his goddaughter and pulled her into a tight hug. Harry joined the embrace and comfortingly rubbed her back.

“why? Why (Y/N/N)?”, her father whispered quietly, his voice barely audible.

“I… I couldn’t…She… sorry…”

The usually calm, collected girl was completely lost for words. Shaking. She had no clue what to say, all she knew was that she had to let her dad know that she was sorry. Sorry for making him feel guilty. Sorry for causing him so much pain. Sorry for not being strong enough.

She walked over to him and noticed heavy, wet tears on his face too. Carefully she wrapped her arms around him, and together they sank down onto the cold floor. They sat there for what felt like hours before Remus finally spoke up, repeating his previous question.

“Why, darling?”

She met his sad gaze and collected her thoughts before quietly whispering “She keeps saying horrible things - pure lies - and she’s enjoying it. She’s throwing insults my way every chance she gets. If I don’t stand up and fight, everyone will think she’s right, and she’s not. Nothing will ever change unless someone works for it, and as soon as that someone backs down, they’ve lost. I’m not having that.”

He looks back at her, his eyes full of pride. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“You mean besides being the most phenomenal dad imaginable?”

He chuckled softly, ruffled her (Y/H/L) hair and held his hand out. (Y/N) slowly placed her hand on her father’s and shifted her gaze towards the floor as he examined the neatly written letters. With a worried expression on his face, he grabbed his wand and moved it back and forth over the scars while quietly muttering a few carefully chosen words. The pain immediately became more endurable, and after putting his wand away the older wizard grabbed his daughter’s shoulders gently, and looked at her in a sad, yet determined way.

“(Y/N/N), as honourable as your intentions are, please don’t do this for me. I’m not going to tell you to back down, but if you’re going to keep it up, don’t let it…” He paused, trying to find the right words. “I can’t stand the thought of you getting injured because of me. I’m not wo…”

“Yes, you are! Stop saying that! I’ll be a bit more selective, if that’s what you want, but don’t you dare tell me not to fight for you. You are my dad, my only family, and there is not a single person on this planet less deserving of disrespect, insults and hate. Dad, you’re amazing, and I’m not letting her fool people into thinking you’re not.”

After a moment of silence, a quiet, “I still don’t like it…”, escaped his lips.

“I know.” She sighed, “That’s why I originally didn’t plan on telling you.”

(Y/N) was fiddling with her fingers, not quite meeting her fathers warm gaze, when she suddenly sat up and said, “Let’s make a deal? I promise to choose my fights more wisely, and in return, you won’t blame yourself for the consequences of said choices? Sounds fair, doesn’t it?”

Her father sighed, but reluctantly answered, “Fine, as long as you promise me one more thing.”

“Hmm?”

“You won’t hide scars or pain from me ever again, no matter whether it’s physical or mental, okay? You’ll let me know, and let me help, always!”

She held her right hand out, her dad shook it and they shared a smile. This time, a true, pure one that actually reached their identically green eyes.

“Deal!”

~ L

Part 2 Oh, darling...

Masterlist

[tobesobri]

Ahh okay here it is!! I don’t think I have ever successfully written a prologue before, but this scene was pretty essential and didn’t really fit into the first chapter (and also the first chapter is already almost 10k words soooo). Anyway, I hope you enjoy even though this is just an introduction! I’d love to know your thoughts as always! Thank you for reading if you chose to!

♠︎  story warnings: death, violence, mentions of suicide and abuse, alcohol use, blood, sexual content

♣︎  word count: 1,921

STORY TAG // PLAYLIST // MOODBOARD // CHARACTERS // MY MASTERLIST // ASK TAG // MY INBOX

There wasn’t a single thing Harry enjoyed about this. He didn’t enjoy not having Noah at his side and he definitely did not enjoy being surrounded by so many people.

But he was here for the money. Money that he always needed more of no matter what the job entailed and he would take it, no questions asked.

Even if he really wanted to know who exactly he was meeting and why they wanted him alone.

And also why they were nearly fifteen minutes late, if Harry was doing the math right when he glanced at his watch.

They were meeting in public, surrounded by couples and families enjoying a nice Italian dinner on a Saturday night, which eased his nerves to a certain degree. Witnesses could come in handy, he supposed. As long as none of them tried to talk to him.

Nothing often rattled Harry, but when all the communication he’d gotten from this client was a single piece of paper stuffed into a black envelope and delivered to him via some random man on a bicycle when he’d been hobbling home drunk last night… he had every reason to be a little bit rattled.

That piece of paper hadn’t even given him much information, just an address, a time, and instructions to get a table under his own last name. He might’ve hated that the most because it was further confirmation that this person knew so much more about him than Harry was comfortable with. It didn’t often work that way. Most of his clients knew his first name and, through a friend of a friend, how to contact him. But this person knew where he would be last night even when Harry himself had no idea—on account of being drunk—and this person knew his last name. 

Which was something only his closest friends knew. 

So, Harry was equally apprehensive and curious, and a tad bit agitated as well. It wasn’t the best combination of things to be, but when you’ve been waiting for twenty minutes for a nameless person to show up at your dinner table, a little agitation should be expected.  

Especially since Harry could be doing so many other, better things with his time.

Things that involved his bed, his hands, and his imagination, for starters. 

Then maybe he’d make his way down to The Hallows for the remainder of the night and blow off the rest of the steam that had boiled inside of him throughout the day.

There always had to be an escape from his life, and lives like his. Something that would act as a key and lock away all the bad shit for the rest of eternity. Most people, like his friends, for example, turned toward sex. It didn’t really work for Harry, though, not unless he had actual feelings for the person he was fucking, which was about as rare as a flying pig. And tending to it himself was a numbing high that only lasted so long. Others turned to alcohol—which was a quick and effective fix if he wanted to erase some highly concerning memories. He didn’t quite enjoy the side effects of that, however. There were other vices, of course, but the only one Harry found most effective was fighting.

It had long term effects. To begin with, it got rid of the anger and the guilt. And the injuries and pain he’d have to attend to afterwards gave him something else to focus on. So by the next morning or the following day, he had no idea why he’d been upset in the first place. It was a win-win… well except for the poor bastard who’d been at the receiving end of his knuckles. But he figured they knew what they were getting themselves into.

So, yes, a win-win.

Harry drummed his fingertips on the table for the hundredth time, and by the hundred-and-first time, the mood in the room had shifted. His hand closed into a fist as his entire body went into attack mode without even being told to. A thick, invisible cloud of trepidation settled into the room and as he bounced his eyes off of various patrons, they all seemed to be staring at the same thing. 

Not him, but something behind him. Something that was approaching.

Harry didn’t turn his head, no matter how much the curiosity ate at him. He was going to wait, wait until whoever it was came to face him because he’d be damned if he showed even an ounce of weakness, of him bending a knee to that burning, itching need to know.

Seconds passed like hours and then, through all the clamor in the restaurant, Harry heard the footsteps drawing nearer. He lounged back, seemingly unbothered even though he felt his heart beating in his ears as he cursed under his breath for not having sat on the other side of the booth.

He didn’t turn until the figure loomed at the head of his table and then when he did finally avert his bored gaze, Harry couldn’t stop himself from letting the facade slip. It was slight, his eyes widening a centimeter, his lips parting even less than that, but it was enough. The man standing before him, who looked down at Harry as if he was nothing but a bug to be exterminated, fixed his mouth into a knowing smirk.

Dominic Aldine.

The name fluttered to Harry’s lips but he remained silent, shifting his features back into indifference as Dominic undid the button of his overcoat and slid into the seat opposite Harry. The man never went anywhere alone, and with one glance over his shoulder, Harry spotted the two guards near the entrance, their gazes fixed on him.

“Harry.” Dominic’s voice was just as he’d remembered. Always assuaged and leveled but not in a very comforting way. “Long time no see.”

Harry scoffed, slipping lower into the booth, hoping his face looked as casual as he was attempting to make his body. “Last I saw you I was seventeen and you were trying to kill me.”

Dominic grinned, his teeth a shining, bright white. “Clearly I did not try hard enough.”

Harry humphed and lowered his gaze, toying with a half-empty salt shaker. Harry hadn’t grown up with Dominic, nor had he been trained by him like countless others were. He’d never met nor seen any of Dom’s little minions, but Harry was sure they were all just as terrible as the man himself.

And for someone so terrible, he was unfairly handsome. Harry had once envied Dominic’s looks, his high cheekbones and how effortless his slicked-back hair always seemed. It was what got Dominic everything he wanted, Harry later found out. Even as the man neared his late forties, he could still use those looks to his advantage. 

“No hard feelings?” Dom was hardly asking for forgiveness, and the amusement in his tone was enough confirmation of that.

Harry sighed, surveying the dark scruff along Dom’s sharp jaw that he hadn’t shaved in a few days. He had either given up on caring about every little detail of his appearance, or Dom was distracted by something. But as Harry met his deceivingly kind, chocolatey brown eyes, there was no other sign of distress. Especially not when Dom grinned wickedly at him again.

“What do you want?” Harry was callous as he got to the point. Hard feelings indeed.

Dominic leaned back in his seat, a stray strand of his perfect black hair spilling onto his forehead as he looked at Harry with gratification. “I’m in need of your skills.”

Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “You can find my skills elsewhere.”

“No,” Dom shook his head, “I can’t.”

“What happened to Ember?”

Dom’s lips flattened into a straight, thin line and a muscle tensed in his jaw. Not that Harry was particularly afraid of the man, but if he was, the look he’d just received would have made him shit his pants. 

But then Dom caught himself and cleared his throat. “That’s why I need you.”

Harry had never met Ember, didn’t even know who they were or what they looked like. He just knew the name and their reputation as Dom’s best of the best. They’d taken out swarms of men without breaking a sweat, according to the stories Harry had heard. And if Dom had lost Ember, then that would explain why he seemed to be so frazzled. As frazzled as Dominic Aldine could seem, of course.

“I need you to kill Ember.”

Harry stilled, unsure if Dom was being serious or not. Harry was good, but Ember… Ember was a deadly ghost that frightened even him. 

“Why?” Harry finally demanded once he’d ascertained that Dom was, in fact, completely serious. And he wasn’t agreeing to a damn thing before he knew the man’s reasoning.

Dom smiled and leaned his elbows onto the table. “She went off on her own. I have practically no clientele now.”

“Wait.” Harry shook his head in disbelief. “Ember’s a girl?”

“I’d hardly call her that. And if you’d like to keep your balls, you’d remember to not call her that either.”

“You want me to kill a woman?” Harry kept his voice down. As obvious as it was to anyone paying attention that Dom was up to no good, he still didn’t need witnesses.

“A woman that will eat you alive when you least expect it.”

Harry flinched. “So why not make her come back?”

Dom snorted as if Harry had just suggested the most preposterous thing he’d ever heard. “You try making her do something she doesn’t want to and see how it goes. Then you might understand why I want her dead.”

Harry hesitated. He’d never killed a woman, nor did he want to, no matter how deadly that woman was. Maybe if she was threatening his life, he’d fight back but he definitely wouldn’t enjoy it. And he especially didn’t want to do it for Dominic fucking Aldine.

“I pay well, you know that. I’ll triple whatever you normally make. I know you and your little… family need the money.”

Harry balled his hands into fists at the mention of his family. None of them were blood related but he considered them his brothers and sisters, ones that he’d found on his own. If Dom planned on threatening them to get what he wanted, then Harry would sooner gut the man right there in the middle of everyone’s spaghetti dinner.

Dom sensed Harry’s apprehension and sighed. “No harm will come to them, you have my word.”

“Your word is worthless.”

Dominic’s lips twitched as he fought a smile. He was nothing if not a manipulative, deceptive cunt. “Fine then. What do you normally make? Five grand? Ten?” Harry remained an immobile, unreadable statue. “I’ll give you three hundred.”

Harry kept his reactions at bay, then sat forward, gritting his teeth. “Five hundred.” He was well aware that he was bartering for more as if he wouldn’t be lucky to have that three hundred thousand dollars alone. He couldn’t exactly pass up the opportunity to squeeze as much money out of Dom as he could, though.

Dom’s scarred eyebrow flicked upward. “Greedy, aren’t you?”

“Do you want her dead or not?”

Dom seemed to consider Harry’s question for a moment, then smiled and lifted himself from the booth, doing up his coat button and slicking back his hair once he was standing. “We have a deal then, Styles.”

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

Book recs: Similar to but less sad than TSOA

Hello everyone! @lordeteams requested some book recommendations that are not as sad as The Song of Achilles so here we go. I read a lot of books and since 2019 I've kept a running list of what I've read so honestly I'll take any excuse to subject people to my interests🤗 List is below the cut, not in any particular order (except from the first entry which is my current favorite), and includes NA, YA, and adult fiction. If you're curious about the distinction I'll refer you to this (sadly, now-deleted) tweet from Maggie Stiefvater:

One Last Stop (Casey McQuiston, NA): This one is brand new and instantly became a favorite. F/F romance in which August Landry, newly transplanted to Brooklyn, meets Jane Su on her morning commute. Turns out, Jane is stuck on the train and has been since the 70s, but has no memory of how it happened or of her old life. Part romance, part time-travel mystery, but entirely a love letter to queer communities everywhere. Found family trope abounds with August's roommates and coworkers, which include drag queens, people of every flavor of queer, and a real life psychic, all of whom are ready and willing to help solve the mystery of why Jane is on the train and how to fix it. In the process, August learns things about her own family, as well as events in American queer history that few people remember today. I really cannot express enough how much I love this book. Please read it.

Red, White, and Royal Blue (Casey McQuiston, NA): Odds are, if you've heard of Casey McQuiston, it was because of her first book (this one). M/M romance about Alex, son of the first female US President, and Henry, prince of England. Enemies to friends to lovers, featuring queer self-discovery, coming out, PR/corporate closeting (hello, larries!) and just a delight. This is a very different queer story from OLS - OLS is a romance, but more plot-heavy and the romance isn't the entire focus. In RWRB, the romance is the plot and it reads like fanfiction which is very fun.

The Raven Cycle (series, Maggie Stiefvater, YA): This series is a character-driven, coming-of-age, found family story about a bunch of weird-ass teenagers (affectionate), magic, prophecy, and Welsh kings. This is the rare story in which every single main character plays a critical role in the plot and grows and changes with the story. You will fall in love with all of them and their relationships with one another. Plus, the worldbuilding is incredible and has such an intricate mythology that you'll want to reread just to get the details. Followed by the Dreamer Trilogy, of which two books have been published, but I've only read the first one so far.

All for the Game (series, Nora Sakavic, YA): This is the series that got me back into reading for fun five years ago and as such it holds a special place in my heart. The plot is wacky and convoluted - college athletics, a made-up sport, a kid on the run from his mob boss father - but don't let that discourage you. Hella found family. (Are you seeing a pattern?) I will warn you, this deals with some pretty heavy stuff, including torture, abuse, addiction, sexual violence, and more. Here's a comprehensive list of trigger warnings, with detailed descriptions at the bottom. It's intense, but the friendships and romances make it worth the read imo.

Grishaverse (series, Leigh Bardugo, YA): This is actually three series: the Shadow and Bone trilogy, the Six of Crows duology, and the King of Scars duology (which I haven't yet read). If you've seen Shadow and Bone, the S&B trilogy covers the Alina storyline, while SOC covers Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Nina, and Matthias. S&B is a chosen one/coming of age story, while SOC is found family committing heists. It's great.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (Benjamin Alire Saenz, YA): Coming of age M/M romance. Set in the 1980s in El Paso, it describes the friends to lovers journey of Ari and Dante over several years, as well as Ari's journey of self-discovery. It is the most beautiful book and one of my comfort reads. There's some themes of homophobia and violence, but with a happy ending.

Carry On (Rainbow Rowell, YA): This is basically Harry Potter fanfiction, but better because (a) it doesn't take itself too seriously and (b) the author is not a violent transphobe. Seriously, this book is so fun. It's a twist on the chosen one trope because Simon, said Chosen One, is just spectacularly bad at what he is supposedly destined to be. Plus you have an enemies to lovers storyline, which is my personal favorite trope. Followed by Wayward Son, which is literally a road trip AU, and Any Way the Wind Blows, which will be released next month.

The Queen's Thief (series, Megan Whalen Turner, YA): Fantasy series centered on Eugenides, who is very proud of being a great thief but also wants to be famous, two goals which are not really compatible. This series is interesting because every novel is told from a different character's point of view in an increasingly zoomed-out lens such that you're seeing how Eugenides' influence grows over time and space. The setting is vaguely based on the ancient Mediterranean region, but with a mythology all its own.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (Taylor Jenkins Reid, adult): This is a frame story in which aged Hollywood star Evelyn Hugo, famously tight-lipped about her personal life, hand selects a young journalist, Monique Grant, to finally tell her story. Evelyn tells Monique all about her life - how she became an actress in the mid-twentieth century, how she got involved (and uninvolved) with all seven of her former husbands, and who was the true love of her life. There are some sad moments for sure, as it's a retrospective on the very long and very full life of an actress at what she knows is the end of hers. But it's such a good story and worth the bittersweet tones.

This Is How You Lose the Time War (Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone, adult): Sci-fi novel told by Red and Blue's letters to one another across time and space. They are on opposing sides of the Time War and as they perform their respective missions, they leave letters for the other to find. Their letters start out as "I'm coming for you, you better run" but then eventually turn to friendship and then love. Ultimate enemies to lovers. It's a short novel but you'll read it again and again to pick up more details. It's so good.

The House in the Cerulean Sea (TJ Klune, NA): This book feels like a warm hug. Linus Baker is essentially a child protective services worker, overseeing the orphanages housing magical children. He is then assigned to the most remote orphanage in the system, in which six dangerous children reside, to determine whether any or all of these children are capable of bringing about the end of the world. Once more, with feeling: FOUND FAMILY. Also nice because it's a metaphor for queerness that also features canon queer characters.

[beaureart]

15 Minutes (What If I Told You)

ANGST WITH AN UNHAPPY ENDING. DO NOT READ FOR A GOOD TIME. This is a supercorp oneshot I wrote after I hear the title song. Very Angsty, you are warned. Trigger Warning : Angst, mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. Obiviously. This is pre-apocalypse.

11:27,

Monday, July 13th

Lena's Loft,

National City.

It was very unnoticeable at first. Solar flares from a nearby galaxy far enough that they didn't think much of it. A few explosions a couple galaxies down hardly warranted the DEO's involvement. Besides, Earth had different things to worry about. The Team had different things to worry about. Probably. Lena wouldn't know anymore, would she? After the Fortress, she had taken extra precautions to block every single one of them out of her life. She didn't need anyone. She just needed to save the world.

And to be honest? Lena was ashamed it took her that long to figure it out. It wasn't like her. The  Prodigy of her generation. The CEO of one of the biggest Tech Corporations in America. The sister of Earth's most infamous criminal mastermind.

If she had just gotten out of bed, checked any of her projects, called her secretary back. But she was too numb, too empty. Lying in bed, unable to move or think. Wishing to die. She couldn't even muster up the energy to lift a hand, it was just... pathetic.

After a week, Jess had had enough. It took Sam flying over from Metropolis to even get Lena out of bed. Sam had no idea about Kara, of course. But it didn't take long for her to march over to Alex's apartment and threaten her friend until the truth spilled. Lena had never seen that furious. Over Lena, of all people.

She didn't deserve Sam.

***

Sam had been pestering her all week. Bringing over food and staying with her every night. Lena felt like an asshole, taking up so much of her time. That was the main reason she returned to L-Corp after a week That was when she found out about the satellite malfunctions. Some radioactive signature was messing with their signals. That was fine, this was a problem Lena could fix, right? Easy.

Wrong. Turns out the signature was something her systems could recognize. Kryptonite. A giant chunky piece of Kryptonite and debris about the size of a small moon. A Krypto-Comet that was hurtling at half the speed of light from deep space, directly towards Earth.

Mondays, right?

Of course, she contacted the DEO immediately. They were horrified. For a Secret Government Agency handling the extraterrestrial, they had some shockingly bad tech. She wasn't really surprised.  Also, they might have been slightly distracted with Leviathan. Lena had spent the next three days cooped up in a lab with Brainiac 5 desperately trying to come up with a way to deflect it or destroy it, or anything really. Usually, an Anti-Kryptonite suit and Supergirl would have taken care of the problem real quick, but considering the size of the comet and the excessive amount of Kryptonite on it, it just wouldn't be possible. There was no time to call for back-up from Argo City either, with the satellites malfunctioning.

The last five days were utter chaos. Naturally, the news hit the public hard. It was pandemonium, but how could you keep a goddamn meteorite impact from them? The skies were already turning purple.

Lena however, was still in her lab. Over the course of three days, a complete whirlwind of people checked in and out of her lab. People she had never met before. People she had never even heard of. Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow. A scientist named Raymond Palmer with some very interesting ideas on molecular structure and shrinkage. Felicity Smoak. Alex pulled her aside during lunch to explain about the Multiverse.

What. Even. What.

Okay.

It felt like her brain was exploding, but she was their best chance of saving the planet. She had to pull it together. She can't show any weakness.

Alex called for another excruciating meeting the second day.

"Attention! I have some news." Alex exhaled slowly. "Sara?"

"I'm sorry guys, but it's bad. We were unable to prevent this event from not occurring. It happens rarely, but this can't be prevented by modifying the timeline. It's inevitable. We have to find other ways."

"What if we move your population to our Earth?" Harry? Larry? The guy in red spandex asked.

"More than half out Earth's population have doppelgangers in yours. It will mess with the balance of your universe. We can't move them. How about finding an empty universe?"

"Kara is out looking for one, but every Earth we found was either ruined or full. That's too long a shot, I don't think we'll find one in time."

"Well, theoretically-" Brainy hesitated - "My ancestors had a way of...dealing with planets that disagreed with them. They would shrink them down and have them as trophies."

"We can't shrink the planet, the gravitation of the solar system would collapse and we would fall into the sun." Lena muttered distractedly, fiddling with her pen.

"Let's not do that. Any luck contacting Superman?"

"Radio silence. The radiation is messing with communications."

"We could push it through a wormhole, or a portal, but-"

"The comet will be here before we could begin to build it. What if we transport our people to a different planet?"

"Seven billion people on a different planet without nearly enough food and water?"

"Or maybe into a space station?"

"We have four days. To transport seven billion people. And essential items."

"Yeah, that's not gonna work either."

"Okay, let's keep at it guys." Alex clapped her hands together. "There IS a way, we just don't know it yet."

***

Yeah, there was no other way. The days went by in a whirl. They came up with theory after theory, but it was too late. Their world was going to end. Nothing can stop it.

During the last day, Alex ordered every non-Earth-38 person off the universe. And even though there was some resistance, everyone sombrely agreed it was the best move.

A surprising lot of friendships were made that week. World-ending threats tend to do that, apparently. Lena personally never wanted to experience Nia and Zari Tarazi try to cook a pizza together ever again. They almost blasted the dough halfway across the DEO building and into the miniature Nuclear Reactor.

Lena would never, not in a million years, ever admit it; but she wanted what they had.

She couldn't fathom that comfort, that mutual understanding of trust that Nia shared with Zari. How did they build it? How could they rely on it, when they had been strangers only a week ago? How could you share your secrets, yourself, with someone who could potentially turn against you, someone who could be lying through their teeth like Eve was, someone who might hate you just because of a name that you can't change?

Not that anything could be done now. It was too late.

They were gathered at the DEO training facility off-city to say their final goodbyes, except Lena was at L-Corp. It took her a while to accept it, but this time it was real. There was no hail mary, no high stake final masterplan left in her. She was going to die, along with her planet.

So it was the perfect time to break out her finest bottle of scotch.

The L-Corp building was deadly silent. Any other day, Lena would have enjoyed it. The building was almost never fully empty, with the security team and the journalists and the interns who never sleep. Today it put her on edge.

Because she did this. Lena caused all this, it was Lena's fault. She was the reason-

'Alex.'

The tiny blue screen lit up on her desk, ringing insistently. The tech mogul was almost relieved that something interrupted.

The silence. Interrupted the silence.

Lena brought it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Lena!? Where the hell are you?" For a second, Lena relished the panic in Alex's voice. Of course, it probably was over the world ending, but she wanted to pretend that it was over Lena. That Alex actually cared about her.

"What do need me to do, Director Danvers?" Her voice was meant to be posh and clipped as always, but it came out slightly more drunk than she wanted it to.

"Wha-Nothing! I just couldn't find you anywhere so I thought I'd check up on you." Aww, Alex. You don't need to pretend, everything is gonna go to shit anyway.

"Is Sam still there?"

"Uh- Yes. Yeah, she's here. Do you want to talk to her?"

"Nooo." Lena considered it. "No, definitely not."

"Lena, are you drunk?"

Lena exhaled loudly. "Why did you call me, Director?"

"Because the universe is ending!" Lena cringed away from the phone. That was too loud for her sleep-deprived brain.

"I don't see your point." She huffed back.

"Goddammit. Look, Kara and I will keep looking for a solution, you don't need to worry, okay? You know she never gives up. Nia and the others-"

"Please just stop." Lena begged.

"I-Stop?" Lena could picture Alex's face. She hated that she did.

"I don't care! About anything, anymore. Just leave me alone. Goodbye, Alex."Sorry I pulled so much shit.

Lena switched it off and chucked it across the room, onto her couch. It bounced over the cushions and fell over.

She was alone, now.

"Hope?"

"Greetings, miss Luthor. What can I do for you today?" Hope was always here. Lena's only constant companion through everything. Even if it did wear the face of her traitor friend.

"You understand that this will be the last day?"

"Yes, miss Luthor-"

"Lena. Call me Lena."

The robot cocked its head to the side. Why did Lena program it so life-like?

"Lena. Would you like for me to call anyone else?"

"No, thank you. How long is it now?"

"Seventeen minutes and three seconds."

Lena cradled her head. It felt like her brain was swimming in the alcohol. At least she won't have to feel this tomorrow.

"Execute terminal orders and shut down, please."

"Executed. Goodbye, Miss Luthor."

The hologram blinked off. Lena swirled the last of the scotch in her glass. It didn't taste nearly as good as she hoped. She set it down in distaste.

God, this was all her doing, wasn't it?

If only Lex could see her now, pushing everyone away, alone and lonely on top of the empire that was built by her psychopathic family. Everything he said that day was true.

And it was all Lena's fault. Because she chose to trust Kara. She chose her new family. She wanted that. She craved that. Even when she knew she could never have it. She's always craved that. This wonderful 'family' she could love with all her heart. They would have been her people, they would love her no matter her last name. They would support her through hell and back. She fucking fantasized about how they would be there for her every birthday, about how she would shower them with love and affection, about game nights and road trips. She didn't give a shit about romantic, platonic, she just wanted someone to be there at the airport when she comes back from month-long expeditions through Europe.

It all seems so naive now. She was still here, on top of an empty building, because of her choices. Because of her stupid, stubborn pride. She must have chosen this, right? This is what she wanted. To be alone. Sixteen minutes from the world ending. She had chosen to be alone, bitter, angry at herself for doing what she had done.

Fuck, no.

But it was too late. Too late to accept her family, too late to enjoy them. Too late to save the world. Too late to apologize.

Too-fucking-late.

Fuuuuuuck, she messed up. What she wouldn't give to go back in time, find her younger self and...eughh. Berate her? Explain? Mug her? Lena had no idea.

This scotch tastes like shit.

Why is time so slow?

Tick.

Tock.

Her life is shit. She would like a refund.

Tick.

The alcohol is really getting to her brain, cause she found that funny.

Toc-

The entire floor rattled when the door flies open behind her. *

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Oh hey, Sam. You did come.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She crossed her arms, raising one brow at her CFO.

"Lena, no." Sam stomped over and wretched the glass away from Lena.

"Goddammit, leave me alone, Sam!" Why I am so shitty all the time Sam?

"No." She repeated firmly.

"What?"

"No. I should have done this a long time ago when I first got back here. I'm not leaving you alone, I'm not letting you drink yourself to death. I'm not let you wallow in your misery when the world is fucking ending and you still stubbornly refuse to put down your pride. I'm not leaving!"

She walked over to Lena's hidden break room and poured the scotch down the sink.

"But I-"

"No. Listen, you dumbass. You've been through some horrible, messed-up shit. Your brother almost destroyed the world multiple times. Your mother was a narcissistic fucking psychopath. I cannot even begin to understand how you feel most of the time. Having every move scrutinized by the world, feeling like you can't trust anyone."

"I trust you."

Sam paused. "I-What?"

"I trust you, Sam. You may be the only person who I can be myself around right now. And-And I know that isn't fair to you, me having constant breakdowns. I keep you from your life and Ruby and I hate it-"

"Lena!" Sam takes her hand. "You can always tell me about it. Everything. And I won't lie, helping you through your trauma isn't easy, especially since you refuse to meet a therapist. But that doesn't mean you can keep everything to yourself. It means that your pain, it matters to me. It is a piece of you that you have shared with me, and it isn't going to fucking evaporate the second I know about it. You matter. Your trauma matters. To me, and to everyone at the DEO. I want to help you." She inhaled deeply.

"And I can't promise that everything is going to be fine, I don't even know if we'll exist an hour from now, but I can tell you this. You don't deserve all this pain. That doesn't mean you don't have it. You are not responsible for what your family did, and you are not responsible for your mother's death. You don't deserve to die alone and at odds with everyone you love."

"Sam, but I-"

"And I'm sorry, I know Kara and the others messed up. But they love you. They are your family now. And I can't watch you punish yourself over this. Lena, it's time to let go."

Tears lined Lena's eyes. "I can't do it, Sam!"

"You can."

"I can't! I trusted Kara with everything. I shared every piece of me with her. Love and family were supposed to cure me! I made myself completely powerless, I was vulnerable, and she threw it back at my face. I cannot make that mistake again!"

"It's not fucking magic, Lena! Love isn't a cure-all. It doesn't mean everything bad that ever happened disappears! It only means that you aren't alone in your fight. Family and friendship, it  takes work! You have to see them, and they have to see you. And Kara and the others, they love you!"

"If they fucking love me so much, why do they keep hurting me? Why am I the only one who gets lied to?!"

"It not that fucking simple! Everyone there has their own stuff. We're fucking terrified all the time. And now everything we ever feared is happening, and we can't even fucking be together!"

"What, now you're on their side?!" Lena heard the words spill out her head as messily as she felt, drenched in bitterness and insecurity. "Should've known that you would turn on me too."

Regret fills her immediately, but Lena drops Sam's hand like a searing pan.

Fuck.

"How can you think that?" Sam's voice was quiet now. Her eyes, Lena realized, were also filled with tears.

This is it. This is the moment I chase away the last person who's ever cared for me. One last screw over that will be wiped after the comet hits. One more mistake in my endless list.

Sam raised her arms. Lena reflexively leaned back, her heart hammering against her chest. Shit. She knew how this goes. She's seen enough fights between Lillian and Lionel end. She could hear the resonating crack from almost two decades ago. Lionel might have loved Lena, but he wasn't all that kind to Lillian.

You deserve this. You failed. You failed to protect yourself,  failed to protect the universe. You are never going to be enough. You failed both your families, you failed yourself.

Warmth burst around her. Sam wrapped her arms around Lena.

What in the world... why was Sam hugging her?

Shit, this feels nice.

"Sam?"

"There are no sides, Lena. That's the whole point. You are a part of this family, and we will fight like hell to keep it that way." Sam stroked her hair. "We aren't perfect, we are flawed, we hurt each other. But we aren't alone. We love fiercely, and we have each other's back. We take care of our own. And you are one of us. We love you. We are here if you accept us."

Lena sniffled against Sam's shirt. A fierce rush of gratitude rushed through her. Sam has always been her rock, her constant for almost six years now. She's had her back so many times. Her best friend.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sam." Lena sobbed. "Shit, it's too late. I can't fix everything. I messed up. I messed the whole thing up-"

"Hey. There's still time." Sam drew back and swiped at her eyes. "You can still call Alex. We have... seven minutes left."

Lena nodded, biting her lip.

"Thank you, Sam."

She shakily dialed her phone.

"Alex?"

***

"Hi! Aunt Lena!" A little bundle of joy crawled into Lena's lap and gave her a hug.

Ruby.  She always meant a lot to Lena. Maybe because Lena never really had an aunt while she grew up. Maybe because her hugs were made of pure love; because Ruby is the most wonderful little human Lena ever met. Maybe because there was no tension, no tears involved. Ruby felt like hugging Lena, so she did.

It was the first time Lena cracked a smile in over a year.

"Hello, little monkey. Did you eavesdrop our whole fight?" She mussed her hair.

"Hey! I'm fourteen now. Not so little anymore." She carefully flattened her hair down. "And I know what swear words are, Auntie."

"Do you, now?"

"Yes!" She huffed. "Mom said she's making Mac and Cheese. She said your fridge was full of atrocious rabbit fodder and she hid about seventy percent of your kale." Ruby's voice dropped low and she whispered conspiratorially. "It's behind the eggs, don't tell her said that. Not that we'd be needing it anymore." She glanced sadly at the red skies.

"Are you okay, little monkey?"

"Aunt Lena, is there really no way to destroy the comet?" Ruby asked her.

Lena's heart broke. At that moment, she would've given anything to be back in her lab three weeks ago when they first found the comet. To have found a way out of this catastrophe.

She smiled sadly at Ruby. "I'm sorry, monkey. There's nothing we can do."

How do you tell a child that you failed her, that the entire world was gonna burn? That they were all going to die?

"It's okay, Aunt Lena. I love you." She kissed Lena on the cheek.

The elevator bell dinged and Lena could hear the doors open with a hiss. Her's mouth got just a little dry.

"I'm going to go help mom with the cheese. You should talk to them."

"Wait, Ruby-" she was gone. Great.

Lena exhaled shakily and got to her feet.

Here goes. Oh god. Why did I do this? This is a bad idea, shit. Shit, shit, shit. They still hate me why did I call them, they- Alex.

It was Alex. Suddenly, it wasn't the monsters that she was facing. It was Alex and Kelly and Nia and Brainy. Her family.

Alex stumbled forward first. "Lena, I-" She interrupted herself by crashing into Lena-"I'm so fucking sorry. I should've told you when the whole thing with Reign happened, but then Kara told me that she had to work things out between you and Supergirl, and then I lost my memories for a while-" Lena realized with a jerk that Alex was sobbing against her shoulder.

"-I feel like such an awful friend." Alex's voice cracked.

"Ale-Alex! Hey, it's okay." And for the first time, Lena really meant it. "I'm sorry too. I just felt-"

"Betrayed. I know. I'm sorry." She repeated, stepping away from Lena. She gave Lena a small smile. Smaller, but much like the one she gave Lena the first time they met in Kara's apartment. Tired, but it gives off so much warmth that Lena could feel it. It reminded Lena of all the times they spent together. All the days when they made small explosions in her lab and teamed up for game night.  When Alex took her to self-defense classes and showed her fancy tricks with her guns. She was Lena's best friend. She is.

"Brainy, Nia." God, it felt good to- Lena couldn't even describe it. She missed this. Her friendship with Brainy was one of the few things she treasured most in the world. He was the only one who could ever match her intellect, her best lab partner. Her friend. And to the lonely twelve-year-old genius from the Luthor family, that was everything. And Nia was one of the bravest people Lena knew, unafraid to be herself and face the world. Fighting every day for the greater good. And she was more than that, she was the one who taught Lena that she didn't have to hide who she was. Lena will be a Luthor her entire life. She just had to embrace it. Or as Nia had framed, quite eloquently; 'own it.'

Kelly, and her crazy therapy skills. Lena regretted not spending more time with her. She was such a wonderful person. Kelly was the silent rock of their group, Lena could see that now. She was always there and she knew exactly what to say. In Lena's eyes, she was magical. So determined in supporting her friends through everything. The sweetest, most bad-ass person out of them all.

Shit, Lena was crying now.

"No more little boxes, Lena." Brainy whispered in her ear, and she giggled. Even Lena was surprised by that.

He was right. No more boxes. She has three minutes left to live and she wasn't going to crush herself with the weight of her stupid boxes.

There was still one more person-

"Kara. I'm sorry Lena, she- couldn't make it." Alex squeezed her shoulder. "Barry's Earth- they don't have a Kara. She can live there and not disintegrate. I told her to go with him. I'm sorry, Lena."

Lena's lungs filled with lead.

"Yes, of course." Lena's voice sounded far away even to herself. "She deserves to live there, in peace. I'm sorry, excuse me."

Something akin to panic swelled over her. Anxiety? Sorrow? Feelings were not Lena's strong suit. Panic attacks, unfortunately, she's already dealt with. She backed away from the room, almost knocking Sam over in the process. "Uh- Bathroom."

The door slammed behind her, and Lena splashed her face with cold water.

She would never get to apologize, she would never even get to see Kara again. Her best friend. Her soulmate. And now, she would die without Kara knowing- knowing that-

Because Lena only ever hated herself. She could never,ever hate Kara.

She curled into a ball on the floor, trying to physically hold herself together so she didn't fall apart. She couldn't fall apart, not right now. Her heart was racing and her breathing was short and distressed.

"Lena? Open the door." Alex's voice, carried in through the door.

"I-I'll be right out!" Even Lena knew they won't buy it. She could hear her voice crack with emotion.

"Lena? You don't have to go through this alone, I just told you that." Her voice was soft, and Lena chose to listen.

"I know it's hard. I know you miss her, and I can't imagine what it must feel after everything that happened between you and Kara. It was difficult for me too. I'm leaving her alone, just like everyone else in her life. I'm leaving her and her world is ending again, and we can't do anything about it. I hate it. I broke my promise. She doesn't deserve this pain, and you don't either."

The door creaked open. Suddenly it was Alex surprised by the hug.

"Alex, I'm so sorry."

"Lena." Alex wrapped her arms around the small brunette. "Trust me, she knows. She knows that you love her."

Lena sniffed and pulled back.

"That's just it, Alex." Lena's voice grew softer. "She doesn't know that I'm in love with her."

"You're in love with me?" A small, hopeful voice echoed from the back of the room.

The blonde superhero stepped forward with the sunny smile Lena loved. "Sorry I'm late but, I bought emergency Potstickers." She waved a bag at the rest of them.

"Kara-" The word was out of her mouth before she realized it, but then it was Lena in Kara's arms and nothing else mattered. She buried her head in the Kryptonian's shoulders.

"Hey." Kara tucked a strand of hair behind Lena's mismatched eyes, and Lena fucking melted.  "You know, I've been doing some research." Her voice was low and breathy.

"Oh yeah?" Lena's eyes shined as bright as the red skies outside. Kara thought she could see the whole galaxy in her them.

"I think I finally know what Quantum Entanglement means." She rested her forehead against Lena's and smiled softly.

Lena's heart was racing. She reached up and caught Kara's lips in hers.

"I love you too, Lena."

***

"System error. Terminal order simulation failed."

Lena gasped and fell to her knees.

"Redirect operations to internal systems." She gasped, tears streaming down her face.

Just a few more, a few more minutes. Please. I need to hold her. I need to be held by her.

"Simulation failed."

"No! No, no, no. Please. Try again." Lena fumbled with her screen.

"Simulation failed."

"TRY AGAIN, GODDAMMIT." Lena cried, her voice full of raw emotion.

"Simulation failed. Shutting down. Thirty seconds left in final countdown."

"NO! I SAID FUCKING TRY AGAIN!"

"Twenty-five seconds."

The air was getting hotter. She could already see the streaks of green and red raining down from above outside Kara's window.

"Nooo." She sobbed. "Please, I need to see them. I need to hold her. Please." She crumpled on the floor, holding Kara's green hoodie in her hand. The last piece of her Lena had. The worst part is, Kara wasn't dead. Just lost forever, to Lena.

"Ten seconds."

"Please."

"Five seconds."

"I don't want to be alone." She whispered.

.

.

.

Here's my twitter, go yell at me. https://twitter.com/Keroessa24

[ill-be-your-honey-bri]

Save Me

This is what happens when I am left alone with my imagination, watching way too much crime TV. I introduce Detective Harry Styles.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, smut including cuffs and choking.

Trigger Warnings: There are mentions of homicide, abuse, drugs, sexual assault, and sex work all due to the nature of the job.

Please leave a comment, like, and spread around. It makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work after I am able to get my incessant imagination into a fic. 

ENJOY!

Detective Harry Styles had just closed a case on a domestic violence incident that led to a justifiable homicide. Harry couldn’t blame the girl. He had shown up to their house on multiple occasions after neighbors had called on numerous accounts of domestic dispute. He had seen black eyes and busted lips on the poor girl too many times to count; the guy had it coming.

Harry had walked into his favorite pub. It’s open well into the dawn of the morning so if he has a late night, he can still grab a pint at the end of his work day. It was an earlier night for him tonight, so there were a few of the regular patrons and a few new. One particularly piquing his interest.

She was sitting at the bar, laptop propped open with a wine glass set to the side, nearly empty. He was curious as to why someone would want to work in a dingy bar nearing midnight. His feet had a mind of their own, gravitating to this peculiar girl. She threw her head back to finish the liquid in her glass before returning to typing away.

“Odd place to be doing work, don’t you think?” Harry was leaning on the bar, nodding at the tender who was already getting his usual lager. She continued to type, smiling at the screen.

“Would you believe me if I told you it’s more peaceful at the bar than it is at my apartment? That, and I ran out of wine.” She looked up at him owly, “Detective Styles.” She had known who he was because she had followed a few of his cases when she was a newbie at the paper.

Harry thanked the bartender, motioning for him to get the girl another glass of what she was having. “Now, tell me how it happens to be that you know me but I don’t know a beautiful girl like you?”

She ignored the compliment but a blush crept on her cheeks. “I have written about a few of your cases. I’m an investigative reporter for the Tribune. Y/N Y/L/N.” She put her hand out for Harry to shake. He smirked now knowing who she was, having read her articles.

She was creative in her writing yet informative. She wrote as if it were a mystery, giving the information to the reader to have them on their toes. Making the reader have their assumptions and accusations on who they felt the perpetrators were only to blow the reader away with the final sentences of the jaw dropping reveal. Harry was a fan.

“It’s nice to meet you. I read all your work.” Harry took a sip of his pint as Y/L’s wine glass was being topped off. She was sure to save her current work before shutting the laptop to turn towards Harry, crossing her legs and taking a sip of her Chardonnay.

“Is that so? I am a fan of your work as well. You seem to get a good mixture of cases. Helps me keep my job.” She smiled at him before taking another swig and placing her glass on the bar. “Got anything good for me?” She pulled out a notebook and pen looking back up at him with long lashes and expectant eyes.

Harry let out a soft chuckle, letting his head fall forward as he rubs his nose with his knuckle before running his hand in his curly locks. “Nothing I can discuss with you, love. Not before I talk with my captain.”

“No closed cases we can discuss? I know we can’t discuss any open cases but closed cases are public record. What better way to get information on a case than from a reliable source like the lead detective.” She was leaning in closer at this point, resting her head on hand with her elbow now sitting on the bar. She had a devilish smirk growing across her luscious lips.

Harry leaned in closer to her, giving a boyish smile. “And how do you know that love?”

“I have a dual degree in criminal justice and journalism. Need to know the law to write about it.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had provided information regarding the case he had closed a few hours prior, where Y/N had agreed that the bastard had it coming. She confirmed that she will only provide the facts in the article and not show her hand on her personal bias against the abuser.

After discussing the case, Harry felt the need to know more about her. He was truly smitten with the writer, only knowing her for a few hours. They finished a few drinks, talking about their personal lives, why they each chose their career. Harry confessed that he feels the need to protect people and bring justice to those who have been hurt and wronged. Y/N telling Harry that she had always loved to write and also felt the need for justice but could never put herself on the front lines.

It was approaching dawn when Y/N remembered she needed to get going home since she had an interview in a few hours. She was in the process of standing when she stumbled slightly, Harry catching her by her elbows.

“Sorry”, she mumbled with a giggle.

“It’s alright, love,” beaming down at her as he helped steady her on her feet, “let me walk you home.”

“Thank you, I only love a few blocks from here.”

She packed up her laptop and Harry offered to carry her messenger bag. They continued to chat along the way to her apartment and he had to confess, the area was a bit noisy and if he remembered correctly, he had been in the area multiple times for cases.

“You live in this area?”

She hummed a “Mhm” with a nod. “All I can afford on my own, really. I know it’s not the best area but it’s not far from the essentials or my office.”

“Darling, I’m around here more often than not for cases. This area is awful!”

She began to smile, “Are you worried about me, H?” Giving him a slow, sleepy blink as they stop in front of her building.

Harry couldn’t lie, he could kiss her right now. She was so soft and sweet looking but he knew that he had just met her tonight and he is a gentleman. And that nickname she gave him made his tummy flutter. “Of course I’m worried about you, living in an unsafe place.”

“I’m a big girl H, can handle myself.” She pulled out the pepper spray from the messenger bag Harry was carrying for her. She also lifted her skirt to show that she had a holster with a knife and the garter holding up her thigh high stockings against her plush skin.

Harry felt dizzy seeing her skin and the knife, slightly concerned that he was turned on by the sight but not enough to deter the shot of electricity going straight to his groin. Harry cleared his throat, giving a nod and handing the messenger bag back to Y/N.

Y/N said her thanks as she readjusted her skirt and took the bag. Walking up the stairs to the front door of the building, she turned to say good night.

“Do you think I would be able to follow you at work sometimes? I would love to see a case from start to finish to write about it.” She was giving him a pleading look with a sweet smile, hoping he would say ‘yes’.

And how could he say no? 

He walked up the few steps to her to hand her his card with the precinct address. “Come to the precinct after your interview tomorrow.”

She had nodded before turning to open the door that made an awful screeching noise, causing dogs in the building to bark and their owners to yell at them. Harry made sure that she was safe inside before turning to make his way home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/N had been following Harry on cases for a few years, winning awards for a plethora of her articles. Harry was proud to say that he was able to help her along the way. He also couldn’t help how his feelings had grown for the woman sitting on his desk, sipping out of his coffee mug and biting into a bagel from the bag that she had brought to the office for everyone.

“Do you think it was a crime of passion or a mugging gone wrong?” She had asked Harry and his partner, Cam, speaking around the bite of bagel she had just taken.

Harry had to blink a few times to focus on the question and not the beauty brushing off the crumbs from her skirt. “Definitely a crime of passion.”

“What makes you say that?” Taking another sip from Harry’s mug, happy that they both drink their coffee black.

“He was facing the perp, bludgeoned in the face. The perp was pissed.” Harry took the bagel from Y/N’s hand to take a bite of his own before handing it back to her as he stood up to refill his mug with coffee.

“Do you think it was a lover? I mean, he was caught literally with his pants around his ankles.”

Cam was going through the bag to pick his breakfast, “Wouldn't you be pissed and beat the hell out of your man if he was screwing someone else in an alley?”

“Would you? At least you have a man to beat, Cam. Can’t beat him if I don’t have him.” She brushed her hands together to rid the crumbs, raising a brow.

Cam was Harry’s partner for as long as Y/N had been doing tag-a-longs with Harry, making Cam her best friend. Cam looked like a young Lenny Kravitz, too bad he had a husband.

Cam laughed, “I would. But I have also screwed my husband in an alley, so I have been on both sides.”

Y/N had laughed at Cam’s confession, making grabby hands at Harry’s coffee, which he had gladly offered. Their captain walked in informing them of a call for a homicide in an abandoned warehouse, Harry and Cam being the lead detectives. Harry and Cam grabbed their jackets as Y/N grabbed her messenger bag and coat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cam read the case briefing on the way to the scene. “Two dead females, mid to late twenties, gunshot wounds to the head.” Y/N noticed that a lot of cases similar to this have been popping up. The city was becoming full of dead girls.

Harry made note of the communalities. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they were full of drugs and sexually assaulted too. Similar to that case we had just the other day and the one last week.”

They get to the scene and walk into the warehouse. Y/N made sure to stay behind and keep her distance, not wanting to get in the way or contaminate the scene. She had pulled her camera out of her bag, walking around the warehouse to get some pictures.

After Harry and Cam cleared the scene, Harry went to go find Y/N. He had noticed that she was on her way to the crime scene, causing him to smile and shake his head before making his way over. Harry got to her before she could sneak under the tape.

“What do you think you’re doing, love?” He had his arms crossed across his chest with a furrow to his brow and a scowl to his pout. Y/N nearly jumped out of her skin and clutched her camera to her chest.

“Fuck, H! Don’t do that!” She turned to look at Harry, he looked pissed.

“You know you can’t go on the scene.”

“I’m sorry. I just thought that since they are likely all connected it would be a big piece, that maybe getting the word out with some pictures would get you a lead. I’m so sorry, H. I just think that it could be a big break is all.”

How could he say no to her?

She was thinking she could help with her writing and she wanted to assist Harry in closing the case. His face softened and he rolled his head on his neck, lifting the crime scene tape. “Alright love, you know the rules.”

“No faces, no details.” She flashed him a smile as she ducked beneath the tape, her skirt slit rising up to show off her lace panties and garters. Harry knew that her holster was strapped to her thigh as it has been as long as he has known her. He swallowed the lump in his throat when she stood up and adjusted the skirt to cover herself.

She practically skipped to the scene, adjusting her shutter speed and her lense before taking pictures. Harry was watching, heart swelling when she was smiling at the viewfinder at the perfect picture.

“Come on babe, got some place to stop before heading back.” He nodded his head toward the open door for her to follow. Cam had gone with the coroner to follow-up on the bodies.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had stopped at a burger place, ordering way too much food for just himself. Y/N decided to not ask about it, assuming it was for his coworkers. When they drove into an unknown area, Y/N finally asked, “Where are we going?”

Harry just smiled as the pulled up to an empty lot under a bridge, which was a well known area for sex workers known as “The Cherry Pit”. Y/N was confused as to why Harry would go here with her in the car.

Harry parked and grabbed the bags of food before getting out of the car. Y/N stayed in the car, watching the scene unfold.

The girls had all come to see Harry as he was passing the bags out, coming back to the car to get the case of water out of the trunk. He took it back over to the girls, handing out the bottles. Y/N watched as he stood there talking to the girls, a few giving him a hug before he walked back to the car.

Y/N was watching his every move, looking more confused as he didn’t discuss what had just happened, rather reaching for a bag of food for Y/N and himself, him digging right in.

“Care to explain why you are feeding a bunch of hookers?”

“Sex workers.” He swallowed the bite of burger in his mouth, “They prefer sex workers, love. I had noticed one of the girls at the crime scene today was part of this crew so I figured that I would stop and chat. They don’t give information for nothing.” Harry smirked at that and Y/N felt a ping of jealousy course through her on what else Harry has done with them to get information.

Harry noticed that Y/N hadn’t touched her food, looking up at her and noticed the pull to her face. “You alright, baby?”

Both were frozen. In the years that they had known each other, Harry had never called her ‘baby’. Love, darling, babe, but never ‘baby’.

Harry brushed it off by clearing his throat and telling her to “eat up”. He crinkled the burger wrapper and threw it into the bag before turning the ignition, driving her home. Harry made sure to walk her up to her door, like he does every night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was past 2am when Y/N looked at her clock, waking up to knocking at her door. She grumbled as she stumbled to the door. Clad only in an oversized college t-shirt and bare legs, she opened the door to see Harry standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame.

He was a little scruffy on the chin, button up opened, exposing his white tank top that was tucked in his trousers. He looked up at her with his hair falling into his eyes and giving a soft smile. His eyes held his signature tequila glaze.

“Hi love, you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay, H. It’s past two in the morning and I was sleeping.” She rubbed her face with her hands to wake herself up.

“Just gotta make sure you’re safe, baby.” He said it again, but she will blame the alcohol this time. Harry blinked his eyes slowly before opening them to scan her body.

She opened the door, allowing Harry to trudge his heavy limbs into her apartment. This was a regular thing as of late; Harry gets off of work, goes to the pub, shows up at her’s. Harry makes his way to the couch, plopping down before kicking off his boots and placing his gun, cuffs, and badge on the table, slipping off his button up. Y/N was in the kitchen getting Harry water and something to eat.

Y/N walked out with a plate in one hand and water in the other. She thrusted the cup at Harry telling him to drink and placed the plate with the grilled cheese on the arm of the couch. She curled up on the other end, putting a blanket over her lap.

Harry drank his water and ate his sandwich while Y/N was attempting to keep her eyes open. She wanted to make sure he had something in his stomach before she crawled back into bed.

Harry placed his plate and cup on the table, which Y/N promptly got up to put in the sink, getting Harry another glass of water and Tylenol. She handed them to Harry before pulling out a spare pillow and blanket for him to sleep on the couch. Harry stood up to pull off his trousers, attempting to not fall over, while Y/N made up the couch for him.

Y/N tucked him in once he laid down, turning off the light and kissing his forehead before walking back to her room, keeping the door open if he needed anything. Harry laid there, staring at the ceiling, listening to make sure that Y/N was safe and asleep before he dozed off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had gotten off of work early so him and Cam went to the pub, both clad in their off duty clothes. Cam was in a black t-shirt and dark wash jeans while Harry was wearing light washed jeans, a Hawaiian patterned button up with a black zip-up jacket over top. They walked straight up to the bar, leaning on it while waiting for their drinks.

Harry was scanning the pub after him and Cam had a laugh about a terrible joke he had just told. Harry’s eyes land on her, across the bar with a group of friends. Y/N was standing by the table, clad in a black dress that fit her way too perfectly and a pair of heels that made her legs go on for days. He couldn’t help but stare.

Cam looked over his shoulder seeing what had caught Harry’s attention. “Shall I grab you a rag for that chin of your’s Styles?”

“Oh, fuck off!”

Cam let out a laugh and noticed that Y/N had made her way over. “Good evening boys! Nice to see you when there isn’t a dead body present. What are we having?”

She was drunk. Harry could see it in her eyes, he knows that look all too well since he has that look more often than not as of late. It looked good on her, it gave her a glow.

“Whatever you want sweetheart.” Harry knows that voice, he hears it frequently. The three of them turn to see the intruder in their bubble.

Jeremy Williams, Action News Reporter, stood there giving an overly bleached smile. “Can I get you a drink sweetheart?”

Y/N looked like a fish out of water with her mouth gaping. Jeremy was well known by all reporters so the fact that he was offering to get her a drink was a big deal. She had nodded to give him permission to order her a spirit.

Harry didn’t like this guy in the first place and now that he is talking to Y/N, he really doesn’t like him. He is making her laugh and she is leaning into him. He hates this guy. She is touching his arm before she reaches for her drink. He loathes this guy.

“If looks could kill, Styles.” Cam muttered into his glass before taking a swig. Harry looked at Cam before downing the rest of his drink, quickly ordering another one while he watches on. He noticed that Jeremy is getting closer as Y/N is trying to move away. Jeremy’s hand was on her waist and she had pushed it away, multiple times.

Harry couldn’t help but make his way over to them. When he got there, Y/N was making an effort to push Jeremy away. Harry gripped the back of his shirt to pull him away from Y/N, twisting his arm behind his back, slamming his face to the bar.

“The lady clearly doesn’t want you touching her. If you lay another hand on her, I will break it. Got it?”

“Alright! Alright! I got it!” Getting out of Harry’s grip before walking out of the pub.

“You alright, baby?” Checking over her to make sure there was no blemish on her perfect skin.

“H, I’m fine I was handling it.” She was stumbling, clearly intoxicated. Harry had a grip on her waist and she leaned in closer to him, hands resting on his chest.

“You’re drunk, love.”

“So are you.” She looked up at him while flicking his chin with her pointer finger. “Get me a drink, H.”

How could he say no?

A few drinks later, they are utterly plastered. Harry walked her home from the pub, arm wrapped around her for both of their stability.

Harry walked her to her door where she fumbled with her key, it dropping multiple times. She had bent over to pick up the keys, unintentionally pushing her plump bum into his groin. She popped up when she heard a groan fall from Harry’s lips. She turned around showing her keys with a drunken triumphant smile.

She fell against the door and Harry quickly wrapped his hands on her hips to prevent her from falling but it was too late since she had hit her head on the door. She let out a giggle followed by an “ow” and a pout grew across her face.

Harry put his hand on the back of her head to rub where she had hit. As he looked down at her then leaned down to place a kiss on her lips.

Her lips molded with his, her hands on his chest, tugging at his jacket. Harry pressed his body to her’s and he began to kiss down her cheek, jaw, and neck. She was gasping for air.

“H… H, we need to stop.”

“No, baby. Please? Just… please?” He continued to kiss along her neck as she was tugging at his hair, making him let out a groan.

“Harry, not like this. We’re drunk. I don’t want us like this.” She pushed him away, kissing him gently before she unlocked her door. “Good night, H.” Closing the door behind her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry walked into his apartment, slamming the door before walking to his refrigerator to grab a beer. He popped it open, taking a swig before walking to his living room. He clicked on the TV as he set the beer on the coffee table. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his jacket and Hawaiian shirt, leaving him in his jeans and white tank top.

Action News started to play, Jeremy’s face showing on his screen. Harry grumbled “prick” before taking another drink of his beer. Harry got increasingly annoyed, frustrated, and drunk as he continued to watch the news.

Harry turned off the TV with a huff, finishing his beer. He gave an agonizing, pitiful groan out of frustration. He could only think of one way that he could get the tension out of his body.

He grabbed his laptop to pull up Pornhub, looking at the thumbnails with none piquing his interests. He let the cursor hover a few of the videos to get a preview. He finally stumbled upon a video that looked like it would do the job.

Harry hit the play button, making the video full screen. While the ad began to play, he undid his belt and pushed his jeans and briefs down his thighs. He had pumped some of his hand lotion that he keeps on the side table into his right palm while his left hand pushed up his tank top.

The video began as Harry warmed up the lotion in his palm and between his fingers. The girl in the video had been bent over with the POV actor playing with her ass, giving a few spanks and gropes. When she looked over her shoulder all he could see was Y/N.

His mind began to wander as he began to stroke himself, thinking of Y/N bent over while he gave her a good spanking. The next scene was a shot of him entering the girl from behind, stretching her to the brink. Harry wanted to spread Y/N open, making her moan out like the girl in the video. He knew that the actress was being over dramatic, knowing that Y/N’s sounds would make him crumble.

Harry’s toes curled into his throw rug now that all he can see is Y/N in the video. She is now on her back with her tits bouncing while he rams into her. He thinks of her mewls as his fist begins to pump faster.

When Harry opens his eyes from his little fantasy, the girl on the screen is riding the man with his hand around her throat. Harry’s hand around Y/N’s throat would be the most beautiful sight he would ever see. Her eyes rolling to the back of her head, moaning out his name, pulsing around his cock.

It was all too much for Harry. His hand stroking furiously as he imagined the face she would make as she was cumming around his cock, the pulsing, the moans. Harry had been moaning the whole time he had been stroking himself but now he was shameless. His back was arching and his head thrown back as he let out a loud moan, cumming all over his stomach, painting his laurels, butterfly, and the trail of pubic hair.

He was panting and sweating and the video wasn’t even done yet. Harry had never felt so light headed from masturbating, muttering a “holy shit”, all because he was thinking of her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/N had already been at the precinct when Harry walked in. She was sitting on his desk, sipping from his mug, as if nothing had happened the night prior. She smiled up at him with a “Morning, H”, like any other day. Maybe she was so drunk she forgot about their kiss, now thankful that they didn’t take it further if that was the case.

“Morning, love.”

He took the mug from her hand and took his first sip looking at her while doing so, smiling when he handed it back. Maybe he forgot about last night. Either that or he was really good at covering up because she feels that she is being obvious, looking at his lips and tensing up when their hands touch when passing the mug.

They had gone over the cases that seem to have connections with these girls. There are a few leads but nothing strong enough for a conviction.

“There is Julian Michaels, a 34 year old white male. Works in the stock market, no wife, no children, likes his girls young. Word on the street is he keeps the books.” Harry had taped his picture to the board as Y/N was writing this all down.

Cam grabbed another picture and posted it on the board next to Julian’s. “This is Marcus Stevens. Young one, 23 years old, Black kid. Has been seen around The Cherry Pit and multiple clubs. We think that he is the recruiter for these girls.”

“And last but not least, Eddy O’Reilly, 32 year old Irish American. The kingpin, the leader of all this mess. Multiple statements have been made placing O’Reilly in the area of the murders on multiple occasions. History of muling drugs across the border, history of incarcerations for possession and distribution, prostitution, and sexual assault. If we get this bastard, we finish this.” Harry was staring at his mug shot that was now posted in the center of the board.

The captain walked in with their case for the day. Another dead girl was found by the river, same MO as the other girls that have been popping up on their radar. Harry knew this girl from The Cherry Pit, being one of the younger girls.

Harry was squating by her body, ran his hand over his face before resting his hand on his mouth. He stood up and walked to Y/N, who was looking up at him expectantly. She could sense something was wrong.

Harry huffed out a puff of air before resting his hands on his hips. “I knew this one.”

Her eyes went wide, reaching up to hold his jaw in her hands, “Oh my god, H. Are you okay?”

He looked down at her before wrapping his arms around her in a hug, “She was just 18. Little sister of Kerry’s at The Pit.”

Y/N was rubbing her hands on Harry’s back looking over his shoulder to look at the girl, she had remembered her.

There have been too many girls being found around the city. All with a gunshot to the head, drugs in their system, and a recent sexual assault. Y/N had lost the body count but she thinks that it is way past the teens. Something needed to be done.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/N went through the drive thru Harry frequents on his way to The Cherry Pit. As she had approached The Pit, she parked away from where the girls were. She was in jeans with a vneck t-shirt and her leather jacket, making sure that her knife was in her boot before exiting the car.

Y/N slowly made her way to the group of girls standing together, most dispersing. Kerry lingering a little before starting to walk away.

“Hey, um , Kerry? Can I chat with you? I brought you a veggie burger.” She held the bag up as a truce. Kerry made her way back to Y/N and reached for the bag.

“I first want to apologize about your sister. It must be hard on you.”

“Yeah. She got into some dumb shit so honestly I’m not surprised but I should have protected her more. She was so young, should have never brought her here but we need the money.”

“No one is blaming you Kerry, shit happens. I’m just sorry it happened to you. I want to help.”

“What is a pretty little reporter like you going to do?”

“My job. I’m going to get the information and figure out who is killing all these girls. That’s why I came here. I was hoping either you or some of the girls would have some information.”

“Harry had already stopped here and talked to us. Not sure what else we could give you.”

“You said your sister got into something that you’re not into. What was it that she was doing?”

Kerry had taken a few fries into her mouth, “She got hired for parties. Some dealers would get together to push product and hire girls to help. The girls always had to fuck these guys but Gena said that it was good money. After seeing her all bruised up and high off her ass all the time, I told her to stop and stay here with me but she said the money was too good. Now look what happened.” Kerry began to get tearful, picking at her burger.

Y/N was rubbing Kerry’s back, letting her cry and grieve the loss of her sister. Y/N got an idea while she was comforting her.

“Do you know how I could get into one of those parties?”

Kerry looked up with a hint of fear as well as the tears still in her eyes and gave Y/N a nod.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/N was in a tight number, showing more skin than she ever had. Her hair and makeup was done up and she made sure her holster was secure before putting on her agonizingly high heels. After getting ready, Y/N went to the address on the slip on paper Kerry had given to her.

She knocked on the door, giving the password to the man guarding before she was escorted to a room. The room was full of girls, no more than 25 years old. Most of them looked younger than 18. A few huddled together, Y/N gave them all a once over. Most, if not all, had marks and bruises and looked like they were crashing from a high. Y/N took a seat off to the side alone, trying to take in as much as possible.

Two men walked in to tell the girls to get up. They all stood in a row while these men blind folded them. Y/N’s hand was hovering over her thigh but she wanted to get more information before she made any rash decisions.

Two hands gripped her shoulders to guide her as she felt his breath on her neck, one of the men muttering “fresh meat”. Another man laughed before saying, “O’Reilly and Michaels will like this one.” A shiver went through her thinking that she might be put in front of the two men Harry and Cam had been hunting down.

She heard one of the girls scream before hearing a slap and a thud, causing Y/N to jump. “You do as I tell you bitch, got it? Or you’ll have it worse.” She could hear the girl fumble to get up and then they were all pushed outside, shoved into what seemed like a van.

The van had stopped and the girls were filed out. She knew when she was inside the building because of the heat and the music. The blind folds were taken off and all the girls were handed shots of a clear liquid. Y/N had hesitated until one of the men gave her a look and started walking towards her. She downed the shot which she now knew was a cheap tequila.

The girls dispersed, walking all in different directions. Some went straight to men, others to the stash of drugs on the table. Y/N decided to walk further into the house. As she was walking, she felt her hands and feet start to go numb, her vision became slightly blurry but she was able to shake off for the moment.

She was stopped with a grip to her wrist and when she had turned, there was Julian holding on to her. “Well, look at you. You must be new.”

Y/N couldn’t find her words. Her tongue felt heavy and her vision was getting more blurred. She nodded at him before leaning against the wall for support. Julian surrounded her with himself. “You alright, babe? Look like you need to lay down.” Julian’s hands were running down her sides before gripping her hips and around to her bum. She gave a weak attempt at a push considering she’s not sure how her arms work at this point.

“Bathroom. Need a bathroom.” She stumbled out of Julian’s grip, somehow finding the bathroom but not before she saw O’Reilly in a room surrounded by men. She stood for a moment, trying to clear her vision to confirm it was him. He looked up at her with a sinister smile and she knew that was the guy.

Y/N quickly stumbled into the bathroom, immediately tumbling to the floor. She made sure to lock the door before reaching for her phone in her bra.

“Hi love, you alright?”

An incoherent call of Harry’s name had him in a panic. “Baby, where are you? Are you okay?”

A mumble of “They're here, Michaels and O’Reilly. I saw them.”

“Fuck baby! What did you do?! Where are you?! I’m on my way with the squad but you need to tell me where you are okay? Baby, please!”

She was silent as Harry grabbed his jacket and told everyone at the precinct they need to go, get squad cars, and to follow him. Harry was frantic.

“Baby come on, please?! Where are you?! Drop me a pin, talk to me! Fuck! Just tell me you are okay!”

Still nothing. Then a notification popped up saying that Y/N had dropped a pin of her location. He let out a sigh of relief,  “Thank you baby. Please, stay on the line with me okay? We are on our way.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The police barged into the house, knocking down the front door, causing everyone to scatter. The police collected who they could. Cam grabbed Julian while their captain got O’Reilly, Harry was frantically looking around for Y/N.

He couldn’t find her, causing him to pull at his hair and grabbing anyone he could at the party, demanding them to tell him where she was. He noticed the bathroom door was shut so he went to open it, seeing it was locked. He knew she was in there.

Harry stepped back to get some leverage before putting all his strength into kicking down the door. He saw Y/N laying on the floor passed out with her phone in hand. Her hair was covering her face and the skirt of her dress had ridden up.

He quickly collected her into his arms to sit her on his lap in front of the toilet, quickly shoving his middle and forefinger down her throat. She automatically started retching, the contents of her stomach spilling into the toilet as Harry held her hair and rubbed her back.

“Let it all out baby. That’s it. You’ll feel better soon.”

The captain came in with a bottle of water and a cold wet cloth that Harry promptly put on the back of Y/N’s neck. Opening the bottle for her to have a few sips. Harry pushed her hair out of her face, reminding her to take it slow.

She had tears in her eyes, her makeup was smudged and running. She let out a croak before Harry shook his head. “I’m taking you home and you’re going to stay with me tonight. Need to keep an eye on you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had his jacket around Y/N’s shoulders as they were getting out of his car. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder while guiding her up the stairs. Y/N still not feeling completely clear followed Harry into his apartment. She stood in the entryway, tears threatening to fall, while she watched Harry walk in and turn on the lights.

His place was modern with nothing showing personality. Harry always showed up to her place in the middle of the night, so she had never been to Harry’s. Now she sees why he always comes to her; his place was cold and lonely.

Harry walked back to her with a glass of water and a hand out to help guide her to his bedroom. He sat her down on the bed and got out one of his police department crew neck sweatshirts and a pair of boxers. He went into the ensuite to turn on the shower and lay out some towels, all doing so without saying a word.

Y/N knew he was pissed. What she had done was reckless and she put herself and everyone else at that party at risk if she were to be found out. She knows that he is probably more pissed that she didn’t tell him or run it by him before she jumped the gun so that he could make sure to be there so that she is safe. She watched him as the tears finally fell down her cheeks. He was avoiding looking at her. That was the worst part of her night, and she was drugged and groped at.

Harry nodded his head to the shower while he leaned against his dresser, arms and legs crossed while he looked at the floor. Y/N got up and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door before she stripped down her clothes and her walls. She started to sob as the water ran over her body, attempting to wash away that icky feeling she was having. She took her time, trying to avoid the inevitable confrontation that she will be having the moment she walks out of the bathroom. She dried off before she put on the clothes Harry had left her, noticing that there was a toothbrush for her. Gladly brushing her teeth before tying her wet hair up into a bun at the crown of her head.

She walked out and there was a plate of food and more water waiting for her on Harry's bedside table. Harry walked back into the room with his sweatpants on and a plain white t-shirt. He looked exhausted with a furrow still in his brow.

“What were you thinking?” He was soft in his delivery and a flood of worry took over Harry’s face. “You could have been killed. Do you understand that? If they would have found out who you were…” He was pulling at his hair and letting out a huff. “Fuck baby, I would be a mess. I wouldn’t know what I would have done if… I wasn’t there to protect you.”

Y/N had been curled up at the head of Harry's bed, tears freely flowing as her actions and the events of the night had hit her, how she had made Harry feel. “H… I am so sorry! I wasn’t thinking… I just wanted to help!” She let the sobs wreck through her body as Harry was making his way to her. He grabbed her face and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. She let herself curl into him, climbing on his lap and letting him hold her. He rocked her gently as they were both crying.

Harry was kissing at her temple as he whispered, “We got them, thanks to you.” She had let out a sigh of relief, glad that this would all be over.

“I didn’t see Marcus there…”

“He came to the precinct willingly and made a deal with the DA.” He continued to kiss her head and rub her sides while continuously rocking her.

“There were so many girls there. Most were under 18, H. They are just kids.” She let another sob past her lips as she grabbed at his shirt.

“They are safe now baby, home where they belong. Just like you, because of you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/N woke up when the light filtered through Harry’s blinds. She was laying on his chest, his arm wrapped protectively around her. She looked up at Harry, whose scruff is growing a little more and his curls flattening to his head from his night’s rest. She pushed back what hair had been on his forehead, Harry leaning into the touch. She smiled before she nuzzled back to his chest, feeling Harry’s lips on her forehead.

“Did you sleep alright?” She let out a hum while nodding on his chest. She felt a flood of emotions start to resurface and she gripped Harry tighter to her. Harry noticed and quickly reached his hand to caress her face, pulling her closer to him. “It’s okay baby, I’m here.”

She took a deep breath to try and ground herself, focusing on Harry's breathing, relaxing back into him. He held her tight, making her feel safe. That’s all Harry wanted, to make her feel safe.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry had been checking up on Y/N every night since the night she stayed with him. It had been over two weeks and Y/N had to admit that her feelings for Harry had become stronger. She looked forward to Harry stopping by her place every night and was hoping that he would make a move on her because the tension was getting unbearable.

Harry had stopped by tonight with Chinese in hand and a bottle of wine. She had a movie queued up on the TV awaiting his arrival. He was still in his suit from work, all grey with only a white tank top under his suit jacket. His hair flopped over to the side and his stubble ever present.

She had been in her sleep shorts and tank top under Harry’s police sweatshirt that he had let her wear a few weeks prior. Harry let himself in and made his way to the kitchen to plate up their Chinese.

After eating their food, Harry had pulled Y/N to cuddle into his side while they finished the movie. They were sharing a glass of wine, similar to how they share Harry’s mug every morning. Harry pulled her legs across his lap, gently rubbing up and down her calves and thighs.

His fingers felt nice on her skin; warm, palms were soft while the tips had a grit to them. She cuddled closer, pulling his arm tighter around her. She nosed his cheek before giving it a sweet kiss. She kissed again before kissing his jaw then kissing his sweet spot just below his ear. His hand tensed on her thigh and she gave it another peck.

“Thank you, H. For checking up on me, for protecting me, for saving me.” She looked up at him, holding his jaw before leaning in to give him a kiss. He pulled her closer and she deepened the kiss, his hand trailing to her bum to pull her as close as he could in the position they were in.

Y/N quickly got uncomfortable, moving to straddle his lap to get in a more comfortable position where they could kiss and be close. She put her hands into his hair, pulling him into a deep, searing kiss.

Harry had begun to run his hands up her body, under the sweatshirt and tank top. He kept one hand on her lower back to keep her close while his other hand trailed up and down her spine before rubbing up and down her thigh. She started to kiss along his jaw again, making her way to his weakness.

She gave a lick below his ear before pulling the skin between her lips. Harry let out a moan as his hips thrusted up to meet hers. She gladly met his with a roll of her own.

“Baby…” Harry was panting as her lips began to trail down his throat. She was untucking his tank top, pulling it over his head. She let her eyes and hands trail his body while her hips continued to roll against him. She pulled off the sweatshirt, leaving her in her thin tank top and sleep shorts.

Harry let his hands caress her chest, rubbing her nipples until they peaked. He pulled a nipple into his mouth through her top, causing her to throw her head back. Her nails were digging into his shoulder as Harry sunk his teeth into the plush of her chest.

“H, fuck… I need you. God… please, just... touch me, fuck me. Do anything...please.”

Harry looked up at her with lustful eyes and his hands continued to roam her dips and valleys. He gripped behind her knees to wrap them around his waist before he stood up. He continued to kiss along her skin. Gripping her ass as he walked her to the bedroom.

He laid her down on the bed, kissing all of her exposed skin before he stood up to take off his trousers. As he was about to crawl over to her, she pushed him to sit against the headboard. She straddled his lap again, pulling her own shirt off, exposing her chest fully to Harry. She took Harry’s hands and put them on her chest, placing her hands over his to make him squeeze. Y/N let her head roll back and let her hips take control.

“Baby, you keep doing that, I’m not going to last.” He was watching her every move, his breath heavy and fast as she did a final roll of her hips before she stood up to take off her shorts. She climbed back on top of him, grabbing his shoulder for stability. She had gripped his length, causing Harry to roll his head back and let out a moan. She rolled her wet folds over his scorching length, both moaning out at how wet she was and how easily he slid against her.

Harry gripped her hips causing her to stop. “Baby, I’m serious, I’m gonna cum.” He was whimpering and gave Y/N a pleading look.

She lined up the head of his cock to her entrance before she fully sank down, taking all of him in one thrust. Harry let out a roaring moan, causing Y/N to grip the headboard with one hand and scratching his shoulder with the other.

Y/N was shameless in her movements, truly fucking Harry into oblivion, causing the bed to rattle and squeak with her rapid movements up and down his cock. He wasn’t lying when he said he wouldn’t last long, especially with the noises they were making, both loud with their moans.

“Fuck, Harry. Shit!” He could feel her pulsing around him, knowing she was close. Harry was trying his hardest to hold on for her but it was getting harder for him, especially when she leaned back, resting her hands on Harry’s knees, exposing her front fully to Harry. Harry pulled her nipple into his mouth as he lifted his knees to pull her closer.

Harry had let go first, cumming inside of her, letting her use him to get herself off. She wasn’t far behind Harry after she felt him pulsing against her inner walls. Harry had pulled her close, kissing any skin his lips could touch before resting his chin in her collar.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Y/N had let out a giggle and pushed his hair back, causing him to softly close his eyes with his head tipped back before looking back up to her.

“No need to be sorry, H. We have both waited way too long for that. I’m honestly surprised I lasted as long as I did.”

Harry continued to kiss her skin, quickly sweeping her up, causing her to squeal out as he walked them into her bathroom to join in the shower, both giggling and kissing along the way.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry and Y/N had been walking into the precinct together for the last few days, also leaving together every day. Harry had been staying with Y/N every night since they had slept together.

Harry had his fingers laced between Y/N’s, giving her a peck before moving to fill his mug for them. Cam leaned forward on his desk watching Y/N smile as she watched Harry.

“Well aren’t you two just the cutest!” Y/N looked over her shoulder giving Cam a wink. Cam was beaming as Harry walked over, handing the mug to his girl before giving her a kiss. Cam felt like he could squeal with giddiness, shipping them since day one.

Harry sat in his chair at his desk, pulling Y/N closer to him by the back of the knee, taking her heel off to massage her stocking covered foot. He kissed her knee, causing her to giggle before taking a sip of coffee. Y/N saw the case files on Harry’s desk that had been placed there that morning by the captain. She grabbed the files, reading them aloud for Harry and Cam.

After reading the cases, they were on their way for a day's work. Y/N had to leave early to conduct an interview with a survivor of a mass shooting. She had kissed Harry goodbye, promising to make him dinner when he got home that night. Harry smiled into the kiss, pursing his lips again to smear a soft kiss back on to hers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She had stopped by the local store to grab the ingredients for chicken carbonara and a bottle of wine, she even grabbed a bouquet of flowers to place in the center of the table. Y/N put a Spotify playlist on her TV as background while puttering around her apartment and cooking dinner. Harry had walked in when she was finishing up plating the dinner.

Harry had quickly taken over, setting up the table and pouring their glasses of wine, pulling out the chair for Y/N. He had pulled her foot up to rest on his lap while they ate their dinner. Harry had talked about his cases that he had handled that day while Y/N discussed her interview.

They worked together to clean up after dinner, refilling their glasses of wine before cuddling on the couch to watch some reruns.

Harry began to give her soft kisses before he laid her down on her back. She began to run her hands through his hair, humming when Harry began to kiss down her neck.

“Move in with me.”

Harry froze his movements, kissing her cheek and looked her in the eyes. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course I mean it. You’re here more often than not and I need you to protect me.” She continued to play with his hair, causing him to melt into her palm and softly close his eyes. Y/N had kissed the tip of his nose before giving him a soft kiss to his lips. “What do you say, handsome?”

How could he say no?

“Of course baby, I would love to.” He began to kiss her again, making her giggle as he pressed quick, continuous kisses to her lips. Harry had quickly sat up, throwing his girl over his shoulder to carry her to her, no, their bed. He threw her on their bed, causing her to laugh out when she landed, making a smile grow across Harry's face.

Harry crawled between her legs and continued to assault her with kisses all over. He started to push up her skirt, exposing her garters and holster. Harry had undone the holster, kissing the now exposed skin where it was resting as he placed it on the nightstand. Harry then unclasped the garters that were holding up her stockings, rolling them slowly down each of her legs, continuing to leave marks from his wet lips in their wake.

Y/N began to undo her own top as she watched Harry undo his. She had shimmied to the top of the bed as she was taking off her skirt. Harry had taken his badge, gun, and cuffs off of his belt, setting them on the side table before taking his own pants off.

She laid down for him as he straddled her hips. Her hands were tracing his pecs and sides, moving to his back to trail down his spine before digging her fingers into the dimples of his lower back.

Harry watched her as she was admiring him, looking down and admiring her as well. He started to kiss her collars and chest, gripping her thighs in his palms. Y/N turned her head to allow him more access. She opened her eyes and saw the side table.

“Harry…”

“Mmm, what baby?” He continued to kiss her chest, unclasping her bra.

“I want you to use the cuffs.” Harry looked up at her, wide eyed and mouth gaping, his lips slick and plump. He looked over to the side table to see where the cuffs were glistening in the moonlight.

“You want me to cuff you baby?” She was looking down at him, biting her lip with a nod.

“Please?” She was already lifting her hands above her head for him.

How could he say no?

He sat up on his knees as he reached for the cuffs, warming them in his hands. He took her right wrist into his palm, kissing the inner flesh before placing the cuff around the delicate skin. “Tell me if it’s too tight or uncomfortable, okay baby?”

“I will H, no worries.” She smiled up at him as he leaned over to thread the cuffs through the headboard before kissing and placing her left wrist in the cuff. Y/N gave a tug for good measure.

Harry kissed down her arm before he planted a kiss on her lips. She pulled his lower lip between her teeth, causing him to hiss before she let go, placing a kiss on it. Harry continued to kiss his way down her body, watching her squirm with how gentle he is being.

He started to kiss her mound through her lacy panties, letting his tongue dampen the fabric. He continued his motions lower until he was laying on his belly with his face focused on her center. He gave gentle kisses to her thighs before he let his lips and tongue explore her core through her panties.

Harry heard the chain of the cuffs rattle as his girl began to whimper. He continued to take his time with her through her panties. She moaned when she felt his fingers graze her center, pulling her panties to the side for Harry to gain full access.

Once she was fully exposed to him, he was insatiable. He was moaning into her, gripping her hips to bury himself deeper. She could hear him lapping and sucking on her, the feeling of his admiration making her light headed and dizzy. He made sure to kiss, lick, and suck on every inch of her, leaving her dripping for him just so that he could lap up her slickness.

Y/N was pulling hard on the cuffs and her moans increased in volume. She was so close to tipping over the edge that it was almost too much to handle. Almost.

Harry pulled her clit into his mouth one final time, being sure to flick the tip of his tongue against it.

“Fuck! Harry! Oh, God!” She was crying from the overwhelming orgasm that had wrecked through her. Her thighs clamping around Harry’s head and her nails biting into her palms.

Harry had to use his strength to get his head out of the vice grip, giggling when he looked up at his girl who was completely fucked out. Y/N moaned when she saw Harry sitting up on his knees with his face completely slick with her.

“Well fuck, Harry.” She was still panting, baby hairs sticking to her face, chest and cheeks flushed.

Harry began to spread her legs open again, looking at the work of art he had helped create. Lips slick, mound bruised with love bites, her whole center swollen and flushed with arousal. He used his thumb to trace up her slit, collecting her slickness before gently rolling her clit. He knew she was sensitive, giving him a hiss when he reached her overly sensitive nub. It was obvious that she liked it because her legs spread wider for him.

He leaned forward to hover over her, bringing his now slick thumb to brush across her lips. She gladly opened her mouth and took his thumb between her lips to suck off her juices. Humming around his thumb, she looked up at him with blissful eyes.

Harry pulled his thumb out of her mouth, smearing it against her lower lip before latching his lips to hers. He rolled his hips into hers as he continued massaging her tongue with his. He reached his hands up to the cuffs and massaged her wrists with his thumbs.

“You alright baby? Want them off?”

“I’m okay, keep them on.” She thrusted her hips up into him, “I like it.”

His hands roamed down her arms from her wrists, grazing her sides and massaging her plush hips before he reached for her spine to pull her panties down by grabbing the elastic on her lower back.

Y/N lifted her hips up for him and watched as he admired her body. This certainly isn’t the first time that they have been intimate but Harry always makes it feel that way.

“I’m so lucky to finally call you my girl. I’ve wanted to for so long. You have no idea how happy I am, baby.” He was running his hands up and down the front of her thighs that he was settled between. “I love you so much.”

Y/N began to smile up at him, turning her head into her arm to hide her blush.

“Gonna tell me that you love me when I’m all tied up for you?” She pushed her knee into his side as she giggled, biting her lip.

“I’ll tell you every day, and in every position, how much I love you.” He leaned down to smear his lips against hers again, showing her how much he truly loved her.

“I love you too, H.”

Harry began to kiss her jaw and neck as he stripped his briefs off of himself. He held her face in his hand before trailing it down her body to pump himself a few times before lining his tip to her center. She angled her hips up for him, giving him a cheeky smile when their eyes connected.

He slowly entered her, causing them both to moan out. He leaned on his forearm that was resting by her arm, continuing to rub his thumb across her cuffed wrist. He was slowly rolling his hips against hers, causing her to whimper at the friction.

Y/N eyes closed softly, like she was just starting to fall asleep. Her mouth was agape letting soft pants and whimpers fall free from her lips. She tipped her head back into the pillow, stretching out her neck. He was in awe watching her.

Harry’s free hand roamed her flesh, ending on her jaw. His thumb ran across her flushed throat as he began to kiss along the tight skin.

“Harry…” her body was like a magnet to his, naturally wanting to be close. “Harry, please?”

“Mmm what, baby? What do you need?” He continued to kiss along her skin.

“Choke me.” Y/N, always surprising him. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, “Please?”

How could he ever say no to her?

He gave her a nod, gently moving his hand to cup her throat. “Tell me if it’s too much, if you want me to stop.”

“I will.” She took in a deep breath as his grip tightened slightly. She let out a moan as he adjusted his fingers and tightened a little more. A smile crawled across her face as Harry began to thrust into her harder.

“You like this baby?”

Y/N moaned out a ‘yes’ as Harry picked up the pace of his hips. Thrusting into her that the bed was moving and squeaking on its frame.

Harry felt her pulse around him, causing him to moan her name before gripping tighter on her throat and thrusting at an uneven pace.

She gasped at the grip, tightening her thighs around Harry, pulling him closer by digging her heel into the flesh of his bum. She choked out his name and he felt her walls give a tight clench around him before they continued to pulse.

He let go of her throat causing her pent up moans to spew from her lips. He couldn’t hold back any more, freezing his hips flushed to hers to spill himself into her. He held her face, moaning as he kissed her. The metal of the cuffs clank against the headboard as she tried to wrap her arms around him.

Y/N whined, tugging some more causing Harry to giggle. Harry reached up to uncuff her and rubbed her wrists as he kissed them. He looked down at her glowing flushed face, planting another kiss on her lips. “I love you, baby.” Kissing her again.

“I love you too.” They had adjusted in the bed to cuddle, making the bed groan and squeak in their movements. Causing Y/N to laugh out and Harry to let out a frustrated groan.

“We need a new bed.” Y/N couldn’t stop laughing, rolling off of Harry which caused the bed to creak again, only adding fuel to the fire of Y/N’s laughter.

Harry kissed her with a laugh himself, “We are definitely getting a new bed”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cam and his husband had helped Y/N and Harry move into their new place in a better part of town. They were all exchanging bum taps and boxes as they went up and down the stairs from the moving truck. They were on their last load when Harry and Cam’s husband started to put together the frame to their new bed.

Cam and Y/N went to go pick up beer and pizza, setting it all up in the middle of their empty living room. Harry laid his head in Y/N’s lap as they ate and laughed at stories they all shared.

Cam and his husband kissed and hugged Y/N and Harry goodbye as they thanked them for all their help. Harry had kicked the door shut, locking it and turning to Y/N with a devious smile. Her eyes went wide as Harry gripped her waist to throw her over his shoulder, letting out a yelp.

“Time to go break in that new bed, baby!”

[gucciwins]

Confessions ll

Harry messed up and Y/N doesn’t know how to move forward

A/N: The long awaited part two. Confessions was written over a year ago and I’d like to think my writing has grown since then. I honestly debated a part two for forever but here it is. I hope you love it as much as you loved part one. 

read part one of confessions here

* * * * *

“Tell me once again what you did for the past week?" 

"Sarah, I told you I watched all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls. Ate food I cooked, not reheated. Well, it was mainly soup and simple pasta. I did take showers and change clothes. Although I have not washed any." You share as you pick up your laundry basket and begin to fill it with a few lose clothes around your room. The room was always kept nice with a bed made and no scattered garments, but that couldn't be said now. You had clothes all over, pillows on the floor, and an unfolded comforter which Ginger was taking advantage of and sleeping on top of. Not mentioning how the living room looked, you started with the laundry. 

"You're telling me you spent roughly 154 hours in front of your television watching a show on Netflix." Sarah pauses. "That means you've either slept fourteen hours straight or slept two hours each night." 

"Your math skills are great still." You laugh, not answering her. “It wasn’t even a good show. But oh well now.”

"Y/N," Sarah pesters. 

"Fine. I slept roughly two hours after I finished a season." 

"What about work?" 

"I am working from home on this project. It's due in three weeks, and I'm ahead, need to edit a few things, then I'm all good." 

You put Sarah on speaker and place your phone on top of the basket as you walk to the washer. You know she's frustrated with you, but this is the best way to heal heartache. Well, your best approach. 

"Are you feeling better, hun" Sarah sighs. "I know it's hard, but I'm here for you. As is Mitch." 

You drop the basket in your basement and begin to load your clothing. "Look, Sarah, I know you both care. I just need to solve this on my own. Ha-" You cut yourself off before saying his name. "He's a great guy, but I don't need a jealous boyfriend in my life. He knows how I act, how cuddly I am, but if he saw me as someone unfaithful, then what's the point of trying. No trust. No love." 

"He's not a bad guy." Sarah starts.

"No, I know that. Trust me, the time we got to spend together, I saw how kind and generous Harry is. He's more than just another famous guy, but second chances. I'm not known for that." You know second chances are good, but it is also a way to lead to being hurt once again. "I know he's your friend, but he was mine as well."

"You're not going to give him the chance to apologize?" 

"Of course, I will. I forgive him, but what else is there to do, it's not li-like he was my boyfriend." 

"Y/N, you confessed your love to him." 

Sarah is trying her best to be neutral, but you know she was rooting for the two of you to make it. To defeat the odds thrown your way. No one expected it to end before it started.

"Yeah, well, come-what-may." 

"What does that mean?" 

"Well, if a bus is heading right at you, let it come." You say quoting Liz from the series you just watched. Not the brightest philosophy, but it's all you have right now. 

"That sounds like a disaster."

"Yeah, it does. You'd save me from the bus, right?" 

Sarah laughs. "Of course, I would. Who else cooks for me expecting nothing in return?" 

You laugh for the first time in what feels like months. Sarah is always able to break you out of your deep dark times. 

"Dinner at my place on Wednesday." You tell her, wanting to get together without having to leave your house. 

"We'll be there." 

You go to hang up, but remember an essential thing for dinner. "Mitch needs to make his brownies, always taste so heavenly." You let out a low moan just thinking about the melting chocolate. 

"I'll tell him, I will also leave out the part where you get wet for brownies." Sarah laughs, and you can't help but join her. Those brownies are just too sinful. 

She hangs up, leaving you in the quiet of your basement. It would be good to see Sarah and Mitch even if Harry blew up at you the last time you saw them. You shake your thoughts away and finish loading the wash. Picking up the previous item, it's a blue Mickey Mouse shirt. Except, it's not yours, it's his. He had come over for dinner and decided he wanted to do the cooking. He brought the spoon to his mouth to taste and ended up spilling. You were quick to strip it off him and rinse it, not wanting it to stain. But did not wash it in a load right away. He was in no hurry to put a shirt back on. To his displeasure, you handed him a Washington State sweater that belonged to your brother. He had looked good in it. That night you didn't sleep until four am not noticing the time and lost in pleasant conversations.

It's crazy how fast the night changes. 

* * * * *

"Mitch, I made chicken tinga with you in mind. I remember you saying how much you were dying to try some three weeks ago." You say as you set a plate of shredded lettuce on the table. "I have it in good authority that I make one of the best. My grandma said I mastered it, so if you don't like it take it up with her." 

Mitch laughs, remembering saying that when you all went out for drinks. "It smells amazing, I'm sure it's great." 

"Anything you touch tastes amazing." Sarah comments.

The conversation flowed calmly over dinner, not one mention of Harry. It feels off being without him, but you can't change what happened, only move on. Sarah and Mitch were your friends before you even knew Harry, but the same goes for Harry. One moment they were strangers and the next they were best friends, now you had no idea where you stood. 

Mitch got up and went for the brownies and set a plate of two in front of you and Sarah but only one for himself. You were about to bite into the delicious treat when there was a knock on your door. 

You all froze, not knowing who it could be. Not your brother, seeing as you drove him to the airport on Sunday. You briefly talked about Harry, but he knew it was your decision to make. Thomas was a good man, but all too forgiving something you never understood. You look at Sarah and shrug as if to say you don't know who's behind the door. You miss the nervous look Mitch gives Sarah as you stand up and make your way to the door. 

You live in a safe community, preceding checking the peephole. The door opens and in front of you is Harry. He looks nervous, cheeks red, and smile small. He takes a step back, and all you want to do is close the door. Not caring for a word that comes out of his mouth. 

Harry sees the look in your eyes and is quick to react. "I'm not here to stay, but I do want to talk.  

You narrow your eyes at him. "Not tonight." 

"It has to be tonight." He pleads. 

You refuse to do this on his terms, let alone without warning. "No."

"Please," Harry takes a step closer, and you catch his eyes glistening. 

"I need you to leave." It's hard telling him to go, but it's what you need.

"Will you hear me out, if I leave?" Harry's stubborn, you learned that the hard way during one of your first arguments where you needed to go home after a late night of drinking, but he wouldn't hear it practically pushing you to his guest room.

"Of course." 

Harry grins, and it almost makes you forget your anger. 

"But not tonight."

His smile falters. You've caught him off guard. 

"Then, when?" He whispers, all confidence gone. 

You think for a moment, "Friday, I'll meet you at Carol's Diner."

"Okay, 12," Harry says, knowing that was your usual time to have lunch there together. 

"Eight" You're embarrassed to correct. "If that's okay, I've got meetings all day." 

Harry nods. "No problem at all." 

He walks down the steps and to his car. You can't help but stand there as he walks away. He would always drag his feet playfully joking how he didn't like being kicked out. He didn't stay the night unless he had some alcohol. You told him one drop, and you'd have the couch ready for him. Which always ended with him in your bed because he said your living room was haunted. 

You miss him, but you don't know how to move forward. 

* * * * *

Late. You're late, and Harry knows he deserves it, hell you might not even show up. 

Harry ordered a black coffee, not knowing if they'd eat or not. The waiter had just served him his refill when you walked in the diner. You spot him right away, and he can't help but begin to sweat. 

"Harry, I'm sorry. My last meeting ran a little longer." You shrug your coat off before sliding into the booth across from him. "I hope you didn't think I was setting you up."

"'Course not. You hungry? Didn't know if you wanted to order." 

"Starving, I've been craving french toast and a milkshake." You laugh, looking at Harry. "That sounds like a lot of sugar. I'm sorry." 

"It's fine, lo-Y/n." He clears his throat. 

You both place your orders, and then the silence takes over. Harry sits there staring at you while you look out the window staring at the park entrance. You count three couples walking in and four families coming out. You also spotted two dogs, frowning when no more showed up.

You're surprised at how fast the food comes and dig right in. Harry and you eat in silence. The chatter of the diner is the only noise around you. Harry steals glances at you, but you never meet his gaze. Too nervous for that. You finish most of your food, but stop once you see Harry set his fork down. Your hands are quick to go in your lap, slowly tracing patterns up and down your palm to keep calm. 

"We've got to talk." 

You sit there patiently, allowing Harry to be the first one to speak. Harry wanted this so bad he has the floor.

Harry stares at you, and he's afraid he's going to lose you after this moment. 

"I'm sorry, let me start with that." He reaches his hand out but pulls back when he sees them in your lap. "There's no excuse for what I did. I was awful, and you deserve better. You deserve trust, and I didn't give it to you." He takes a deep breath. "Looking back, you let me in, really in, but I always kept you at arm's length, waiting for you to mess up. An excuse to hurt you instead of being the one who gets hurt, but in the end, that didn't work out."

"Harry," You try to cut in.

"No, let me finish." You give the nod, and he continues. 

"Those words I said were not true at all. You never used me for nothing. We always did things in private. I'd always force you to go to the bar with us. That dinner was the first time you initiated a public outing, and even then, the place was small and quiet."

"I don't like crowds, and you don't like paparazzi." You say because it's just that simple.

"See, Y/N. You look to put others before you, but I don't want you to do that now. I acknowledge what I did was awful. I told my mum about it because the guilt was eating at me, and she was so disappointed in me. I'm disappointed in me." 

Harry frowns, looking down at his bare hands. The rings at home, no comfort. He holds himself bare in front of you. 

"I want you to put yourself first even if that means not being in my life anymore." 

You focused your eyes on him. This is Harry, honest and nervous Harry. The guy who recites love actually as it plays. Who laughs out loud to all of Mitch's jokes. The one who always rushes to open your doors. 

"Thank you. This is still a lot." Your eyes begin to burn as you remember his confession. "You said-"Your voice cracks. "You said you were falling in love with me." 

Harry's green eyes begin to fill with tears. He nods in acknowledgment of your words.

"My brother is my best friend but Harry, so were you. Those two months felt like ten years, I felt like you've been in my life forever. That hurt Harry, all because what I was sleeping on was someone's arm like I didn't do it before you, and I won't do it after you." You pause to get your emotions under control. "My brother vouched for you. Said you apologized and cried. That you were quick to see your mistake. My brother approves of few people and to have his approval even after what happened means he sees the good in you." 

"Thomas was amazing. I'm glad you have each other." Harry inputs wanting you to know the feeling is mutual. 

"Harry," you take a drink of water. "We were never together. never went on a date, never asked to be boyfriend or girlfriend, we never kissed." 

"It felt like we were," Harry tells you.

"You're right," You set your hands on the table. "That's why it hurt so much when you said all that to me." 

He doesn't deserve you, he knows that, which is why your next words surprise him. 

"I forgive you."

"Thank you," Harry moves to hold your hand, but you don't let him. 

He doesn't hide his shock. 

"I just can't be with you, at least not now." He nods. "You have to understand, I think we'd burn together."

"You don't mean that." It comes out in a whisper. 

"I'm doing what's best for us now. I care too much about you to go into a relationship only for us to break each other's hearts." 

Harry's heart is breaking, and there's no one else to blame but himself. 

"We're bound to run into each other again, Sarah's my best friend and Mitch is her sidekick. I'm not asking you to wait for me, that'd be wrong. But if we ever find yourself in the same place and the feelings are there, and we both feel the timing is right, then I'll be open to asking you on a date or you asking me."

Harry smiles in understanding, no matter how much it hurts him.  

There's not much left to say. Harry knows this is goodbye. "You'll always be my friend, I hope you know I'll always be a phone call away."

You nod and stand up. "Thank you, Harry. I'm here for you as well." 

Harry stands and wraps his arms around you, giving you a tight squeeze. 

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I really am, but thank you for giving me the chance to grow and learn." He steps back. 

"You're a good man, Harry." 

"And you have the purest most beautiful soul." Harry's staring into your eyes, and you can't help but tear up. 

You reach forward and squeeze his hand three times. 

"Take care, H."

 Harry watches as you walk out of the diner. 

He's lost you once again, but he knows your paths will cross once more. 

* * * * *

I love you so much! Thank you for reading! 

Please let me know what you thought about Confession ll 

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!

The story shared here is by adult(s) for adults, and not considered suitable for people under 18 years old. It will be very text heavy, and have little to no pictures, beside the story banner. This might change over time. It might not. Minor info: English is not my native language although it has become my first language. However, please be kind regarding spelling errors, grammar mistakes and any other mishaps along the way, I am doing my best, but I’m not flawless. So don’t expect that. I do not correct others spelling errors, I would like the same respect in return, please. What you read isn’t always something I personally agree with, so don’t assume. I have simply chosen to write a story with at times challenging subjects, cause I feel I benefit more from my writing that way and I like to challenge myself as a writer and as person. This story contains humans and non human/supernatural beings, such as demons, shape-shifters, witches, immortal humans and more. They may do or say unnatural things at times, specially in their animal/demon forms. If this subject isn’t for you I advice you to consider not reading this story, although most people in this story, human or not, live mostly as human, meaning this isn’t Harry Potter or Lord Of The Rings, so please don’t expect that, you will be disappointed. The supernatural aspect of this story, is not the main focus, although in some chapters it might be. Important: Not all, but most people in my story is in one way or another members of the LGBTQ+ community. Furthermore, several of the more frequent characters are members of Polyamorous relationships. I will not ever be listing these as triggers, as I personally don’t believe they should be. If you disagree with the mentioned above, this story/and blog is in no way for you. Please respect that.

Disclaimer: This story is fiction, try to keep that in mind, nothing written should be taken too serious, and is in no way a display of real life, or how people should live/think. Furthermore, nothing is in any way meant to be disrespectful or harmful in any sort of way, so please, if you feel something is,  tell me calmly, I’m open for discussion as long as it’s constructive. I will do my best to properly tag everything with suitable warnings/triggers but if I forget or overlook a trigger, please remind me politely as I am not a robot, and will undoubtedly make mistakes. NSFW/explicit content will sometimes be present, whether it means alcohol/weed/drugs, or sex, but the rule above applies here as well. Meaning it is fictional sex. I cannot stress this enough! It is not meant to portrait how sex is supposed to be/is in real life. I also do not always agree with the sex my characters choose to engage in. However, as mentioned before, I like to challenge myself as a writer, which to me, means sometimes pushing myself into wtf territory.  I like to let my characters choose for themselves, which means I sometimes disagree. But once again, it’s fictional, it does not display how I think sex should be, try to keep that in mind and keep fact and fiction separated. If you can’t do that, I think you’ll struggle with my story, and I suggest you don’t read at all for your own good. However, if you still want to give it a try, nsfw scenes are marked in each chapter they appear, so you can painlessly scroll past them, if you aren’t comfortable reading such scenes, but still wish to read my story. Below I will add a list of possible triggers in my story, I might add more as I go. If you decide to read my story I ask you, to please, be reasonable and keep in mind I’ve put a fair warning/disclaimer on my story. Please consider if the triggers mentioned below is something you can handle or not. I will not be held responsible for you getting triggered by trigger warnings you chose to overlook. Meaning, if there’s a trigger on a chapter, and you read it anyway, it is on you, not me, please be reasonable.

Trigger list:

(All triggers/possible triggers mentioned below does not apply to all chapters, but the chapters they do apply to will be tagged, again I must stress, if I forget or overlook a trigger, please tell me respectfully, I don’t try to trigger people on purpose, also what you see as a trigger, might not be a trigger to someone else, so please be kind.) Not too graphic triggers means: Subjects that might be triggering, but the description of it, is in my opinion not too vivid/detailed/graphic. (A subject that is usually briefly mentioned but not written very detailed, such as, if drugs are mentioned as a trigger warning, you’ll never find someone with a needle in their arm, but rather mentioning of being high, or quickly taking a pill, and how they get mildly affected.) Graphic triggers means: Subjects which are not always, but might occasionally be described vividly/detailed/graphic. (Could potentially end up in too many details for some people, so if these subjects are a big trigger for you, I advice you to consider whether this story is a good read for you or not) Please keep in mind, I do not know your limits, only you do, it is your responsibility. Triggers/possible triggers in no specific order: Alcohol abuse. (Not too graphic) Smoking. (Not too graphic) Weed. (Not too graphic) Drugs. (Not too graphic) Alcohol intake/drunkenness (Not too graphic) Sex. (Not too graphic/graphic) Rough/kinky sex. (Not too graphic/graphic) Anxiety/panic attacks (Not too graphic/graphic) Depression. (Not too graphic/graphic) Violence. (Not too graphic/graphic) Blood. (Not too graphic) Incest. - Adults only! (Not too graphic/graphic) Murder. (Not too graphic/graphic) Mentioning of rape. (Not too graphic) Mentioning of suicide attempts/self harm. (Not too graphic) What you will never find in my story: Sex including minors. On purpose racism. - However, I’m just a person, I may say something out of line, if I do, feel free to calmly bring it up, I assure you, I’d never do it on purpose. I am open to add more triggers to the list, if anyone has suggestions as we go, meaning if you read something in my story you think perhaps belongs on the above list, kindly suggest it, and I will consider. I've never been a story blog before, so, bare with me while I try to find my gravity in it all. Furthermore because of at times rather abstract/taboo subjects, I never wanted my story to go public. But after countless encouraging words over the years, I decided to go against my fear/better judgment, and post it anyway. The story I will share here, is technically an adaption of my main story, the characters are the same, their lives are the same, however, the story wont be shared from the beginning, at least at this point. The start of this adaption was written over a year ago, if not more, it is so far over 30 chapters long, and I am continuously writing on it. This means, I don't really take any suggestions, if anyone inspires me to write something specific, it may take months before the scene will be published, as there is so many chapters to post before any new ones I write. My characters are essentially the writers of this story, I'm just the typing hands, it's rare I interfere. That said, this also means they live their own lives, with good and bad decisions, what you read isn't always something I personally agree with, so don't assume. And once again, this story is fiction, try to keep that in mind, nothing written should be taken too serious. Thank you.                           Last but not least, constructive criticism is welcomed, hate/trolling and nonconstructive criticisms isn’t. I’ll gladly answer any sort of question/concern you might have, my ask box is always open, and no question is considered too small/unimportant/dumb or to be made fun of, as long as it is positive or neutral. Be kind and you will receive kindness 💖 I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTOOD, TAKE ME TO THE STORY.

[do-not-eat-the-dove]

I need to write this, I need to write this because I am so fucking angry. I am so, so fucking angry, and every problematic shipper I want you to read this. Read it, all the way through, because if you don’t then you are ignoring children you might have harmed.

Tw’s for: beastiality mention, sexual abuse mention, paedophilia mention, typical darkfic trigger warnings in essential

When I was nine, I moved into the Aphmau fandom. Earlier than that, I was an avid reader of Harry potter. Earlier than that, I was into stampy cat and iballisticsquid and skydoesminecraft. I have been in fandoms earlier than my body can remember, and I started in on wattpad when I was very, very young. Just writing, only writing. I had a vague understanding of what sex and smut was as a child, because of unmoderated youtube thumbnails. I ran into sexual themes online, because that is what a child does okay? I will admit that I knew about sex as a child if only barely.

As a kid in fandom, you don't know how to moderate things. As a literal fucking elementary schooler who doesn’t know how to differentiate “Their” “They’re” and “There”, you do not know the difference between right and wrong. You do not understand what an 18+ warning is, and you don’t know what the fuck a dead dove is and why anyone would want to eat it in the first place. You do not understand, and i think that this is something that problematic content creators expect of literal fucking children, and i also think that it is extremely irrational and condescending for you to do so.

When I was a bit older, maybe twelve/thirteen, I found ao3. I found twitter, tumblr, bnha and anime. I was excited because it was a community, so I became super involved as fast as I could. I had still not hit puberty yet. I hadn’t even learned the pythagorean theorem yet. I didn’t entirely understand variables and I had no clue that washing your face was basic hygiene. I am bringing this up to display to you that I. WAS. A. CHILD. A kid. Five years ago at this point I still had trouble jump-roping. I was a kid who had average decision-making skills for their age and who found the idea of boys gross, crushes were based on who was fastest in gym class.

I let go of tumblr because I couldn’t grasp what on earth it was supposed to be used for and how it was supposed to be used, I posted shitty depressed memes on reddit because I thought I was edgy. And then I got involved in fandom twitter.

Me, my friends, we recommended each other cute ship threads and discussed Notps and did “toxic fandom stuff” because we were children who still celebrated valentines day with sweet-tarts and holographic paper cards. I still knew jack shit about sex and relationships because as a child sex education is just “this is a penis, this is a vagina, this is how you don’t get pregnant, any questions?” 

So when one day, i decide to type “BNHA” into the search bar of twitter, intent on finding cute things to share with my online friends and instead am greeted with a picture of a character raping another character, I don’t know exactly what to do.

Let me repeat that; I looked up JUST the word “BNHA”. Just that. Nothing else. 

And I, a child, who has no decision making skills, clicks on the post. Because it makes me feel funny, and children are curious.

As a middle schooler. As a child who had the average physical and mental capacity to resist impulse, aka none, as someone who used Uwu and OwO unironically, who thought spelling “as” with a Z made me quirky and fun, discovered a main-tagged post of a character being nsfwed in a sexual assault.

From here, I explored. What you people don’t get is that is what children do. That is what children DO. And you, in all your wonderful wise ways, decide that it is on ME. On someone who had no understanding of what this was, to be the adult and say “I do not think this is right.” You, the thirty year old woman who maintags, are saying that to me, who was a twelve year old. 

I think the most traumatic thing I read during that time was an aged-down character, who went from fifteen to five, being sexually abused and pimped out by his mother and forced to have sexual contact with dogs.

Today, I suffer from intense intrusive thoughts that I do not think I need to be diagnosed for, because constantly wondering if you’re going to be sexually assaulted by every single man you come in contact with, having to shoo away evil disgusting thoughts that have made you involuntarily gag and nearly vomit, having to deal with these awful things in my brain is proof enough. Today, I have such a deep-rooted fear of sex and men and relationships that despite me being entirely Heterosexual, wanting children in the future, having these ideas of a family, I feel incapable. 

Today, I saw a fic saying that it was my own fault if I found their problematic fic, and today I raged for every child that is going to be messed up by people who choose to blameshift just because they want to use maintags. 

As fandom spaces get younger, and the fan age range grows bigger I have noticed a distinct uptick in who is reading and consuming fan content on social media. I know eleven year olds, ten year olds, I have met a nine year old child who messaged like they were twenty. All of these children read fanfiction of characters that they adore, and click on fics that include those characters because they adore them.

I’m going to share another experience that I’ve had with sex and sexual abuse that was self-inflicted, but normalized by the content that I had consumed. As a child, a thirteen year old, I messaged adult men. I went on omegle text chat, I found forums for sexual roleplay, I talked to probably a dozen adults in sexual manners without them knowing or realizing. Even a few women, and I am completely certain this experience is going to scar me until the day that I fucking pass. It makes me feel empty inside, but you know what? Your fics normalized that for me. I read a tweet from an adult, someone much older than me, who talked about having gone into adult spaces as a child. They did the same thing as me. It is a trend, but while I recognize that I was too young to know what I was seeing, reading, hearing from people who were older than me and therefore authority figures, they blamed themself. And that is the most heartbreaking fucking thing.

When you maintag. When you use a main tag, that a child who does not know how to filter out scrolls down on, and they decide that this will be an okay thing for them to consume because adults know better, will you look them in the eyes and tell them the fear of things they don’t understand and haven’t even been introduced to yet is their fault? Will you tell them that ao3 is an adult site for adults and it’s their fault for being stupid enough to read it? Will you tell them that the images that will play in their minds for years until they’re desensitized and so so scared that they’re now a bad person because of it, will you tell them that it was their fault for clicking on it when they were seven, eight, nine? 

Frankly, I do not give a shit about what you write. If it is in rpf and you still push it i will think you are a bad person, but other than that I could never care less. But I do care what you tag, because If you write the word bnha on twitter with an image of a young child's favorite character being sexually brutalised? If you maintag a fic where someone is starved till they are nearly dead, infantilised, sexually abused during all of it, and leave it out in the open on a site you know has children, in a fandom you know is targeted towards kids. If your tags leave a child open for attack, harm, mental scarring? I care, because I will not let another child be blamed for something they themselves did not fully understand the weight of.

[harry-styles-sunflower]

Meeting You In The Hallway

a/n: HII lovely people! I hope you are all doing well today! This is part 1 of Meeting you in the Hallway. Part 1 is a bit short because it’s an introductory chapter, but I do plan on making the chapters as I go. I’ll put specific warnings in the beginning of each chapter.

What it is: You move into the apartment across the hall from Harry and you begin a friendship which you both want more from but can’t communicate that want. AU. 

Word Count: 1.9k

Pls reblog if you like it 😊

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You had finally raised enough money to buy your own apartment right around the corner of Central Park. You were a registered nurse in the city, but the city was nothing new to you. You had grown just outside of the city your whole life. You worked on 5th Ave so buying an apartment near Central Park was just perfect. Today, Sunday, was move in day and you didn’t come with a lot. Few boxes and basic furniture. Your apartment was on the top floor which gave you the most beautiful view of Manhattan. There was only one other apartment across from yours because you were all the way at the end.

You got to your apartment around noon and began bringing up all your boxes after your mom and dad helped you bring up your bed, couch, and dining room table. You’d get the rest with time. With the view you had you weren’t in a rush to buy a tv. Just a good book and a chair was fine. “Have you met your neighbor yet?” Your mom asked. “No, not yet. Hopefully soon. The seller said he was nice. Not too loud” you shrugged. You figured that maybe it was just a bachelor business man who worked a lot, like you.

Once you finished bringing everything up to your apartment, you said goodbye to your parent’s downstairs. You thanked them as they gifted you a frame of you with them on your graduation day. Their smiles full of pride. “Alright bye, we love you. Stay safe okay? Call us if anything.” Your mom said trying to not get teary eyed. You stayed home for college so this was the first time she felt like she was letting her baby go. “Okay mom, I love you too.” You waved bye to them and then walked back inside saying thank you to the doorman. You’d learn his name another day. Right now, your back and feet were just killing you. You took the elevator upstairs, playing with your new keychain. Apartment 17G. You looked at it happily as you walked back to your apartment. Enchanted by your key you didn’t even notice the man right in front of you until you bumped into his hard chest.

“Ow, sorry. My bad” you looked up and saw two pools of green. Slightly intimidated you looked away and stepped back. His eyes remained on you, studying you, wondering if he’s ever seen you around.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. 'Scuse me” And just as fast as you bumped into him, he was gone. You looked behind you as he left. Noticing just how tall he was. With a sigh you continued your walk until the end of the hallway. You opened your apartment door and closed it behind you. You leaned against the door and let out a sigh. Green eyes on your mind. You heard the door across your apartment open and then close. You grunted; upset you missed your neighbor. Just a few seconds too late. You were hoping to get along with them at the very least.

That night you decided to order in pizza and drink some wine on your balcony. Basking in the last few nights of summer. You looked over to your right and noticed your neighbor’s balcony. It was simple, two chairs and small table.  A few plants near the edge. “Green thumb” you said to yourself sipping your wine.

Eventually it become dark and you grew tired. You cleaned up your kitchen and organized your cupboards just enough to get rid of one box. On your way to shower and call it a night you remembered to check your door. "Can never be too safe" you thought to yourself. As you checked your door, you felt your feet crumple some paper. Confused, you bent over and picked it up.

“Hi, um I think you moved in today. If not, you’ll just see this whenever you do, I guess. Well just wanted to say welcome to the building. Guy across the hall, 17H.”

With a small smile you brushed your fingertips over the handwriting. This was a sweet gesture and your apartment began feeling even more like home. A possible friend you thought. No, you hoped. As you laid in bed about to sleep, you thought of your neighbor in 17H. Was there a reason why the H was underlined? But as you closed your eyes you remembered those two pools of green.

 ~~~

 The next morning was a Monday. You were off that night so you woke up and decided to unpack as much as you can.

During breakfast, you saw the note your neighbor had left you. You flipped it over and wrote, "I'm moved in, thank you for the warm welcoming." You debated whether or not to ask if you should grab a drink together. Instead you settled on, "Meet you soon. Girl across the hall, 17G." After you finished your breakfast you quietly opened your door, setting a stopper so you didn’t get locked out, and slid the note under 17H's door. You hurried inside. You were still only in your pjs and a robe, hair a mess.

When Harry woke up on Monday morning, he got up and put on a tank top, shorts, and sneakers. He tried to go for an early run, before there were too many people in the vast Central Park. He liked the feeling of morning air. As he was about to leave, he thought about the girl he bumped into yesterday. He was so focused on this new song he was writing he didn’t even notice her. She was also pretty short. He had a small gig the next night at a small café. He was getting less nervous of performing in front of people but he got nervous when they were his own songs. He cleared his head and left for his jog. On his way back, he stopped by a bakery and bought some fresh bread and a few pastries. The small bakery reminded him of his old job from when he was a teenager.

When he got home, he barely noticed the paper on the floor. When he flipped it over, he half smiled at the bubble handwriting. So different than his. "Meet you soon" he repeated to himself. He debated going right over and knocking, but then he remembered he was a sweaty mess and didn’t want that to be your first impression of him.

~~~

By lunch time you decided you needed to buy groceries. No more eating out. You grabbed your bag and a light sweater. The day had gotten a little bit cloudy. You tucked a mini umbrella just in case. That’s the kind of person you were. You were cautious, always prepared, because you know... Just in case.

You walked downstairs and introduced yourself to the doorman. You found out his name was Pat and he was retiring next year. He was a sweet old man. You walked to Whole Foods to buy your essentials for now and picked up some soup. You'll have something to keep you warm if it rains. You put the soup into your cart and debated whether or not if you should buy ice cream. You thought oh fuck it, you were getting your period soon anyway. You'd need it. You bought chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan. You decided it was time to go before you bought the whole store. You approached aisle 5 and leaped for joy inside because there was no line, the customer just leaving. The customer looked familiar though, his back looked familiar. A light bulb lit in your head, that was the guy from yesterday. The one you bumped into. For New York City to be so big, it was interesting how you saw him again.

You paid for your groceries and made small talk with the cashier about the weather. Both of you a little upset that it was one of the last few days of summer and it was cloudy. You walked back to your building a little faster as the clouds got darker. Once you made it inside and up to your apartment door you put your bags down and reached inside your purse for your keys. As you were about to put your key in the keyhole, you heard an enthusiastic "Hi!". Jumping you dropped your keys.

"Oh, shit sorry, didn’t mean to scare you" he said as you both reached for your keys causing you to both bump heads.

"Ow!" you both said and laughed a little. You both fell back onto the floor. Still laughing lightly. When you finally focused on who the man was you realized who it was. "Oh my god, it’s you. From yesterday" you said. He looked at you with eyes squinted. "Oh yeah. You." he looked you up and down. "So, you're the girl from 17G" he said as he pointed to your apartment door. "17H?" you asked. "Yep, H was underlined because my name is Harry" he said. You couldn’t help but like the way he said his name. His accent almost stretching his name out. "Oh. Makes sense. I'm y/n." He brushed his hands on his thighs and reached over his hand for you to shake. "Nice to meet you, y/n". You shook his hand. "You too, Harry."

He kept ahold of your hand. You realized how soft his hands were. He slowly stood up while still holding your hand and gently pulled you up.

"Thanks" you said wiping your hands on your jeans. You had trouble looking him in the eye. The green was so beautiful you were scared you'd get lost. His sharp facial features reminded you of one of your favorite characters, Stefan Salvatore for some reason.

"Do you need help? Err carrying that stuff inside?" He asked pulling you away from your thoughts.

"Oh um, no actually. Thank you but I'm okay." you said and turned to open your door.

"Okay. Um well, if you ever need anything."

"Yeah thanks. Appreciate that" you smiled up at him. Looking him in the eye for a second. He was so tall.

"Yeah of course. Just knock" he said and as soon as he said it, he realized how dumb he sounded. Why did he feel so nervous?

"I think that may be my only option. No doorbell" you said teasing him a little.

"Yeah" he said looking down, feeling stupid.

To cheer him up you said, "hey, if you need me, knock three times. That could be our own “homemade doorbell”."

He looked up with a bigger smile and for the first time you noticed his dimples. "Yeah okay, that sounds good. Three times." He nodded.

"Alright. Well, goodnight harry"

"Goodnight y/n"

As you both closed your doors behind you, you both replayed how you each said each other’s name. The way your name sounded with his English accent and the way his name sounded with your American accent.

 ~~~

Part 2 is now up!

[rotationalsymmetry]

(From last night: I was possessed of enough sense to hit save draft rather than post. Clearly I have less sense today.)

So, there’s stuff going on here, if you’re done with Harry Potter/JK Rowling discourse then maybe you don’t want to read this. Especially if you’re in a place of not wanting to hear about how hard it is to let go of HP stuff. Totally valid to want to avoid that. Also, fair warning, this is long and not all that coherent.

I mean, this is immediately in reaction to a post on Roddenberry, but it’s not really about Roddenberry.

I think there’s maybe an issue with people wanting a fast, easy answer to “what do we do about (creator being a jerk/bigot/rapist)” and...well, I won’t say there aren’t fast and easy answers but I will say they aren’t good ones.

After watching Lindsey Ellis’s take, 3 months after it came out, my partner and I are getting rid of our Harry Potter DVD’s and stuff. (I’m not explaining why very well here, so if you wanna know why, I suggest watching Ellis’s video. I’m not sure she explained it well either? But after watching it, something clicked.)

I’m still not sure that’s even the right thing to do, and yeah it came batched with me being hypersensitive to other problems with other works right afterwards. (I really, really am having issues with finding a bright line that isn’t “no canceling ever” and also isn’t “cancel everything that does one single thing wrong.”) I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. It felt right right then. It might be right.

It’s also kind of a big deal. The Harry Potter world became a part of our lives. “Accio remote control” (which, by the way, is a very effective spell if you have a sufficiently indulgent partner) and hours long dissections of characters based on the Sorting Hat Chats approach. Some amazing fanfics. It didn’t work its way into our lives overnight, and it’s not going to be gone overnight. It feels like a hole being torn in my world. (That sounds melodramatic, but I think it’s accurate. Worlds aren’t just made out of walls and tables, they’re also made out of culture and art and ideas. Stories. Fictional characters. Metaphors that shape how you see the world. To a large extent who I am is made up of the stories I’ve read, much as my body is made up of the food I eat.)

It is... not just “nostalgia” or whatever. It’s trying to take out something that’s been absorbed into who you are. It is a changing of the self. Which is not to say it’s not worth doing — change is what people do, changing oneself for others is the essential nature of love— but it is not some trivial thing.

(Uh, you know, not like “you need to change your hobbies for a romantic partner,” but more like “when your kid comes out as gay and your religious beliefs are homophobic, something’s got to give” or “maybe you can live without peanuts on your plane flight because your preferred snack could be someone else’s anaphylactic shock.”)

And this is not, it can’t be, any work of fiction that doesn’t get everything perfect is gone. It’s. Yeah. But yeah. I mean, what she’s been saying is really, exceptionally bad. In terms of its capacity to cause harm to people. Trans women and others. And she gets her power, her influence, her platform from her fans — this is different from liking the work of someone who’s dead and isn’t actively creating more harm. So.

It’s a thing.

A lot of people I think are just kind of coming into this looking for, either it’s definitely OK to continue on as normal without really changing anything or else everybody who doesn’t throw out the whole thing right away is an asshole, and it’s just not that simple. (Def “announce ‘death of the author’ loudly and continue as normal” is not really how anything works.) It’s one of those things where how you come to the decision is at least as important as the decision itself, I think. You take your time. You listen. You see people. You take the time to really understand.

Oh, and yeah, I’ve been in kinda defensive mode around this. I’m not sure right now how bad what I’ve been saying was, I think I probably was right about some things, I’ve got a really bad tendency to have what I mean to say and what I actually say not line up well when I’m feeling defensive. Idk. So if you’ve been reading what I’ve said before and it doesn’t seem to line up with me saying we’re getting rid of our HP stuff, well, I’ve evolved on the issue, OK? And yes, you’re right, it doesn’t line up. I am human and fallible and I mess up sometimes. (I think I am getting somewhat better at recognizing when I’m feeling defensive and not posting publicly when I’m in defensive mode? I’ve definitely been getting better at avoiding back and forth argument in online spaces. It is a work in progress.)

This is not a little or trivial thing.

And it shouldn’t be a little or trivial thing.

I have...trans women and transfeminine non-binary people in my life, but not necessarily on close terms and I haven’t been asking trans people that I know personally how they stand on this. (Although, I could go digging around on FB a bit.) I do, very much, want the world to be safer than it is now for trans women and trans not-exactly-women who are vulnerable to transmisogyny. I certainly don’t want things to get worse.

And. I have been on losing fights before, and I’m pretty sure that “cancel JKR” — making it so that association with Rowling will cost businesses more than it gives them — is at this point in time a losing fight. I’m probably not going to be championing it so much as not actively getting in the way of it, if that makes sense. People just aren’t there yet. I think. Not enough people.

Although. I could be wrong. And sometimes fighting gets something other than the apparent aim — the fight for AIDS research was in many ways a defeat, in that yes *now* there’s decent treatments for people who can afford them, but not before massive swathes of queer men died. but it was still crucial for the community.

Eh. No fast and easy answers. Keep listening. Keep engaging.

To me at least, this is coming out of a center of compassion, so any action I take has to be consistent with that, y’know?

[sapphirelass]

Deal? - Remus LupinxDaughter

Hi! :)

Deal? (Part 1) | Oh, darling... (Part 2) | I’ll be by your side (Part 3) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note:

1: I don’t own any of the gifs used, nor any already established characters, so credit to the authors and original creators - You have done a phenomenal job :)

2: English is not my native language, as I was born and raised in Sweden. I have, however, studied English for almost a decade, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem, I just thought I’d let you know ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear, my next story won’t be about Umbridge XD

Word count: ≈ 2300

Warnings: Umbridge, angst, slight swearing

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I do not wish to criticise the ways of the school, however you have been exposed to some rather irresponsible wizards in this class, very irresponsible indeed - not to mention” the toadlike professor threw a dark glance at a sandy haired student and smirked evilly, “extremely dangerous half breeds”. 

The student in question raised her hand angrily, and glared at Professor Umbridge. “Yes?” the teacher smiled sweetly, “miss… Lupin, am I correct?”

“Yes, Breanna!” she began, “but that’s besides the point. Look, I know what you’re doing, but Professor Lupin was the best DADA teacher we’ve ever had, and I’d be more than happy to bet everything I own on that being quite a common opinion in this classroom!”

Most of her fellow classmates nodded furiously, and the young girl turned her head towards her professor, who immediately cleared her throat and declared: “Well, I’m afraid simply being a beloved teacher doesn’t really matter, dear.  Werewolves are still extremely dangerous creatures. They are beasts that are undeserving of respect and that should not be allowed to be part of our fine wizard community. They are uncontrollable, and highly likely to injure or possibly kill young witches and wizards, including their own children.” 

She flashed a cruel, yet pleased, smirk as Breanna furiously stood up, despite Hermione desperately trying to force her down. 

“You have NO IDEA what you’re talking about!?” she whispered angrily, her nails digging into her palms as her fists clenched. “You have probably never even met one of these so called ‘half breeds’, have you? No, you were most likely just told some bizarre stories containing more lies and made up facts than truths, and decided to put that worthless ‘knowledge’ - if you can even call it that - to use by spreading rumors and destroying the lives of innocent people.”

Umbridge looked frantic, and was about to speak up, but Breanna got there first. “I despise people who look down on others. People who claim to be better than everyone else. People like you. You certainly don’t deserve respect!”

She took a deep breath, and was about to continue when Umbridge’s shrill voice forced her to stay quiet. “That’s quite enough! Detention, miss Lupin. The rest of the week, five fifteen, don’t be late”. 

***

A few hours later, Breanna made her way back to Umbridge’s office. She knew her friends had wanted to talk to her, but she had done her absolute best to avoid them all afternoon. She simply didn’t feel like explaining to them why she had done what she did. She’d gladly do it again though. Her father was the kindest, wisest, most incredible person she had ever met. He had done everything in his power to give her a good childhood, and no one had the right to insult him. She’d defend him to her last breath if that’s what it would come down to.

She knocked on the door carefully, and pushed it open when she heard a shrill, terrifying voice sing a sweet “come in”. 

“Oh, miss Lupin, almost late I see!” she said arrogantly. Breanna didn’t have time to answer before her teacher continued. “Sit down.” 

***

The detentions went on for another four days before Umbridge told her she didn’t have to come back the following evening, but that she better hold her tongue unless she longed for more. Breanna tried to keep that in mind, but still lost her cool a few more times before the end of the semester. However, the Christmas holidays were approaching, and though her red, swollen hand caused her to worry slightly, the idea of seeing her dad and godfather caused her enough joy to tip her mood over to “mainly happy”. 

She stepped off the train with her friends, and immediately spotted her father on the platform.

“Dad!!” she shouted, and threw her scratched arms around his constantly scarred torso. “Merlin, I’ve missed you so much”. She buried her head in his shoulder, simply enjoying the feeling of love and safety that he somehow instantly gave off. 

“Hello, darling!” he said gently, returning the bone-crushing hug. “I missed you too, believe me…”

Breanna wanted to stay like that forever, but eventually let go as she intended to at least try to keep her… problems… hidden. She had never really been able to keep secrets from her dad, and therefore didn’t want to do anything he would consider “out of the ordinary”. If she did, he’d figure it out, or persuade her to tell him everything within minutes, and she knew he’d feel guilty if he realized what she had done for him. She understood perfectly well that the scars on her hand were deep enough to be visible for the rest of her life, and that nothing she would say could convince Remus Lupin that it was not his fault. She was left with one option: He could not, under any circumstances, know. Ever. 

They carried her trunk together, and walked a few feet behind the rest of the gang.

“So?”, her father inquired, “How are things? You all doing okay?”

“I suppose”, she answered, “Our new DADA teacher is quite a daft prick though.”

“Bree!”, he muttered sternly, casually trying to hide a smile, “Are you sure that’s the right word? Sounds rather rough, doesn’t it?”

The witch shrugged. “No, I think it fits rather nicely. It’s almost as if she’s trying her very best to prevent us from learning anything helpful…”

“That’s… well, that doesn’t sound very promising, does it?”

“No, hence the slightly offensive description… But enough about her, how are you? Had any company while I was gone?”

The older wizard smiled, easily noticing the tone of his daughter’s voice switch into a far more joyful, energetic one - One he knew and loved! 

“Oh yes, I’ve spent quite a bit of time at headquarters, and Sirius essentially isn’t allowed anywhere else, so we’ve done a lot of catching up. There is, believe it or not, a lot to talk about after 12 years without seeing each other, so it’s been very nice.” He turned to her, smiled even broader and added a quick “But I’ve still missed you.”, before quickening his pace to catch up with the others.

***

Later that night, Breanna, Remus, Harry and Sirius were sat in the living room of number 12 Grimmauld Place. Harry and Sirius were playing catch with an old snitch they had found in the house, lazily throwing it back and forth. Breanna lay on a sofa, a thick leather bound book tightly clutched in her hands and her head resting on her fathers lap. He was deeply invested in A Guide to Medieval Sorcery, and father and daughter were simply enjoying a nice, calm evening.

All of a sudden, Sirius grabbed the snitch, sat up straight and reached out towards his godson. 

“Harry, what’s that on your hand?”

The dark haired boy pulled the sleeves of his jumper further down and mumbled a quiet “nothing”.

“Sure, let me see then”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry abo…”

Harry didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, as Sirius had risen from his seat and forcefully grabbed his left hand. The slightly faded “I must not tell lies” was still readable, and Harry winced as the look on his godfather’s face went from composed to furious in a matter of seconds.

“Who?” 

“Sirius, I…”

“WHO?!”

By this time, both Remus and Breanna had put their books down, and were carefully observing the “argument”.

“It’s our new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Umbridge. She’s quite generous when it comes to giving detentions. But mine’s really not that bad now. It barely hurts anymore...”

“That’s totally barbaric!? Moony, we have to…”

“Harry”, Remus interrupted his old friend with a worried look on his face, “What do you mean by ‘quite generous’?”

His heart practically skipped a beat when he felt his daughter shift uncomfortably, however it was Harry who answered.

“‘m quite sure half the Gryffindors have been to her office at least once by now. Even when you’re not really doing anything wrong, she’ll make up a ‘reasonable’ excuse…”

As Harry spoke, Breanna had unconsciously been pulling the sleeves of her jumper closer to her fingertips. Remus obviously noticed and made eye contact with Harry, nodding discreetly towards his daughter as if to ask if she too had… well… yeah? Harry closed his eyes, knowing full well how his friend wanted to hide her scars from her dad. It had taken hours of convincing before she had even let him, Ron and Hermione see, and he understood why she didn’t want Lupin to know. He did, however, not like the idea of lying to his former professor, and nodded slightly.

Remus closed his eyes looking simultaneously sad and angered, sat up straight and muttered “Bree?”

The young witch took a deep breath and was about to move away from her dad, but he was faster and quickly grabbed her hand. He was very gentle, but she flinched anyways, as her last detention had taken place only a week prior.

“Bree”, he repeated, “show me”

“Dad”, she mumbled quietly, “‘tis fine, don’t worry”

“Brianna!” His voice sounded far sterner now, “I’m serious. C’mere”

“No, I don’t want…”

“It’s not a question of whether or not you want to, Love”, Sirius explained before his friend could think of a response. “Show your dad.”

“But…”

“Bree”, Harry mumbled, “Just… just do it”

“No! I can handle it! Stop making it sound like I’m too weak to do so!”

She felt a tear escape her eye, and stood up to leave the room when Remus waved his wand and locked the door.

Taking yet another deep breath, his daughter turned around, made her way across the room, pulled her left sleeve up and slammed her scarred hand down on the table for the other three to see.

“There! You happy now?!”

A flood of tears were streaming down her face, as her dad, godfather and best friend leant closer and read seven deep-red, awful, heart wrenching words:

***

 I must not defend filthy half breeds

***

Remus put his head in his hands and stood up, while Sirius moved closer to his goddaughter and pulled her into a tight hug. Harry joined the embrace and comfortingly rubbed her back.

“why? Why Bree?”, her father whispered quietly, his voice barely audible.

“I… I couldn’t...She… sorry…” 

The usually calm, collected girl was completely lost for words. Shaking. She had no clue what to say, all she knew was that she had to let her dad know that she was sorry. Sorry for making him feel guilty. Sorry for causing him so much pain. Sorry for not being strong enough.

She walked over to him and noticed heavy, wet tears on his face too. Carefully she wrapped her arms around him, and together they sank down onto the cold floor. They sat there for what felt like hours before Remus finally spoke up, repeating his previous question.

“Why, darling?”

She met his sad gaze and collected her thoughts before quietly whispering “She keeps saying horrible things - pure lies - and she’s enjoying it. She’s throwing insults my way every chance she gets. If I don’t stand up and fight, everyone will think she’s right, and she’s not. Nothing will ever change unless someone works for it, and as soon as that someone backs down, they’ve lost. I’m not having that.”

He looks back at her, his eyes full of pride. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“You mean besides being the most phenomenal dad imaginable?”

He chuckled softly, ruffled her long hair and held his hand out. Breanna slowly placed her hand on her father’s and shifted her gaze towards the floor as he examined the neatly written letters. With a worried expression on his face, he grabbed his wand and moved it back and forth over the scars while quietly muttering a few carefully chosen words. The pain immediately became more endurable, and after putting his wand away the older wizard grabbed his daughter’s shoulders gently, and looked at her in a sad, yet determined way.

“Bree, as honourable as your intentions are, please don’t do this for me. I’m not going to tell you to back down, but if you’re going to keep it up, don’t let it…” He paused, trying to find the right words. “I can’t stand the thought of you getting injured because of me. I’m not wo…”

“Yes, you are! Stop saying that! I’ll be a bit more selective, if that’s what you want, but don’t you dare tell me not to fight for you. You are my dad, my only family, and there is not a single person on this planet less deserving of disrespect, insults and hate. Dad, you’re amazing, and I’m not letting her fool people into thinking you’re not.”

After a moment of silence, a quiet, “I still don’t like it…”, escaped his lips. 

“I know.” She sighed,  “That’s why I originally didn’t plan on telling you.”

Bree was fiddling with her fingers, not quite meeting her fathers warm gaze, when she suddenly sat up and said, “Let’s make a deal? I promise to choose my fights more wisely, and in return, you won’t blame yourself for the consequences of said choices? Sounds fair, doesn’t it?”

Her father sighed, but reluctantly answered, “Fine, as long as you promise me one more thing.”

“Hmm?”

“You won’t hide scars or pain from me ever again, no matter whether it’s physical or mental, okay? You’ll let me know, and let me help, always!”

She held her right hand out, her dad shook it and they shared a smile. This time, a true, pure one that actually reached their identically green eyes.

“Deal!”

~ L

Part 2 Oh, darling...

Masterlist

[slytherflynn]

The Return of Slytherflynn | Witch Weekly No. 1

Salutations, witches and wizards! Slytherflynn here. I haven’t posted on this account in a long time. My reason? Actually, there are a few. I’ll get to those soon. Today I’m going to give you an introduction to me, discuss why my exodus happened, and what this blog will consist of moving forward. Let’s jump right in!

Who Is Slytherflynn? Who else? My name’s Eden, but my last name is Flynn, hence the username. I am a Slytherin primary, Hufflepuff secondary. My patronus is a dolphin, so that’s pretty cool. I’m mixed, but live the life of a white girl because I look white and don’t care to argue with people about my DNA. I enjoy elevating underrepresented voices, and will go to any length to protect the unprotected. I’d consider myself to be a humanitarian. I know people despise labels, but I believe choosing labels wisely can give others a great insight into who you are as a person, so here are some labels I identify with: Bisexual, Androgynous, BLM Ally, Liberal, Socialist, University Student, Abuse Survivor, ADHD, Excoriation Disorder, OCD, Depression, PTSD, [an] Attachment Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Tacoman, Creator. There are plenty more I could throw out there, but those in particular are important to me. Make of them what you will, but know that I am not ashamed of any of those. I am going to open a nonprofit center supporting POC Youth and connected communities in art and education, but I also want to do everything. Now that you know about me...

Who Are You? Yes, you, reading this paper! What do we have in common? Different? What makes you special, and what makes you the same? What communities are you tied to? Tell me in the replies!

My Magical Journey I grew up in a dreadfully muggle world. My mother, also a muggle, delighted in Harry Potter, as did my brothers. I was resolutely a Harry Potter hater, and thought they were too fangirly, but when Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince came out and I saw Louis Cordice portray Blaise Zabini, everything changed. I may or may not have gone off the deep end and started fangirling over him - what? He’s attractive, okay? But I did end up reeling myself in, as having unrealistic fictional crush is one thing, but thirsting for an unattainable person who probably is married with a kid by now is another, and I didn’t want to get to a point where I was fetishizing someone rather than admiring them for their skills and unique perspective on the world. He did notice my thirsting though, and thought it was funny! So no harm, no foul as far as I’m concerned. Absolute win! Anyways, after becoming a fan of him, Tumblr let me know that there was more content about Blaise Zabini in the books than the movies, so what did I do? Commit to reading all seven, because my ADHD said so and would rather do that than homework. Eventually, I started up this side blog so my main blog wouldn’t be so flooded with hp content. I have written quite a few fics, all appropriate, all probably trash because most of them were written in my junior year of high school, all available for you to read. I ought to make a masterlist for my work, now that I think about it. Anyways, you can find that content and other fun stuff under the tag #slytherflynn so check that out for some light, probably shitty reading!

Why I Left At some point, I decided not to post as much, and went from 100 to 0, real quick. I have a bunch of unfinished writing in my drafts, and I’m not really sure how to start up everything again, but I know I want to, because writing and creating is such a passion of mine, and so is Harry Potter. Part of the reason I left was because I’m a perfectionist and felt this need to make every post perfect, my feed perfectly curated, everything perfectly on time, and I ended up holding myself to a standard that I just can’t meet - no human could, not even Hermione Granger, as evidenced in Prisoner of Azkaban. It took a long time to come back to this blog because I burnt myself out, truth be told. That perfectionism carries over into every aspect of my life - I did mention I want to do everything, after all - and I ended up piling so much up that I couldn’t get all of it done. I felt guilty every time I thought about this blog, because I had so many faithful followers that I essentially abandoned without warning, and I know feeling abandoned isn’t a good feeling. That, and I still couldn’t shake the shame surrounding the fact that I wasn’t posting content every week despite my want to. I even considered deleting this blog! Sorry to anyone who was waiting for me to post hp content on my main account ( @id-rather-be-an-outsider ), I got too anxious to do that, even.

Seeing the Future I’m not skilled at Divination, but I can confirm that I will be making an official return to this blog - complete with Witch Weekly articles whenever I have updates to give! I have at least one short fic finished that I’d like to create a moodboard for and post on here sometime soon. This time around, I’m only going to be posting when I really want to so I’m not putting any pressure on myself, and I’m going to open up asks for you guys to request writing for pairings (note that I do not write smut), as well as giving you guys the opportunity to submit stories - my goal for submissions is to elevate PoC and other voices the masses don’t usually hear, and I encourage those who do submit to always self-promote in their author’s note! You can find the guidelines for post submissions on my submission section :)

Goodbyes Since we are reaching the end of this article, I’m going to be officially saying goodbye to: negativity, destructively high and unrealistic expectations, anxiety, writer’s block, artist’s block, fear of under 10 notes (notes shouldn’t matter, but yakno, there’s still gonna be that part of me that knows bad writing probably won’t be getting 10 notes so it’s still... scary), fear of unfair criticisms, defensiveness... and hello to: creativity, letting our hair down, wearing our glasses, posts on the witching hour, going to bed early instead of staying up late to force out a piece, perfectly imperfect writing, pretty moodboards, and making mistakes! Hope to see you all soon with a post, and Happy Pride! My city’s official Pride month is July so I get to celebrate Pride twice, lucky me!

be loving <3 - slytherflynn