#Han's actually the sensible one

[juniperdugong]

Super Weird - Vernon

WC: 867 || Genre: Fluff || CW: Suggested bullying (?)/ reader being an outcast || Vernon x GN!reader (established relationship)

A/N: For all my weirdos because I'm a weirdo and Vernon is too, ain't no denying it, just a buncha freaks in masks huh?

"Do you think I'm weird?"

Vernon looks at you, eyes squinting in confusion and his expression shifting into a scowl seeing that you're completely serious, "Whaf dar haw ah yo tarking abo-?" (What the hell are you talking about?)

His mouth is filled with the last and biggest spoonful of food that you knew you couldn't finish so - as the routine goes - you gave it to Vernon. He furiously chews at a pace that you know probably isn't safe and with a large and rather painful-looking gulp his mouth is free of obstructions. "What did you just say?" his tone sounds more lightly confused but his face gives quiet anger more than anything.

"Hansol you heard me. Do you think I'm weird?" You speak very monotonously, a trait the two of you shared.

"Of course you're weird." He says it like it's a matter of fact. His expression completely drops into the deadpan face you're used to. He ignores how perplexed you look as he brings the dishes to the sink.

"And you're okay with that?" You ask out of genuine curiosity, you know that most people would outcast someone they think is weird - it's something you've often experienced at school and work. So if he thought you were strange then why would he stick around?

"Why wouldn't I be?" He looks up at you almost accusatorily as he scrubbed the dishes and put them to dry.

"I mean- It doesn't bother you at all that I'm abnormal or weird? I know people talk about how I sound or that I'm too... strange and stuff. It isn't lost on me but if you also know that then why do you stick around?" You let your words spill just wanting to get down to the root of the issue while escaping the heavy-handed approach of blurting out "Why would you want to be with someone you find weird?".

"Nope." That was his reply. His. Entire. Answer. Just "Nope." and then he picked his phone up from the table and went to sit in the living room. You know he saw your face as it contorted into even more confusion and bafflement but he ignored it!

You did the only sensible thing, of course, and immediately trailed him and sat right next to him, snatching his phone out of his hand as he opened up a game. You had his attention and yet he seemed confused? As if he wasn't the one who completely dodged your questioning before.

"Yes?"

"You have nothing else to say?"

He gave himself a moment to think, you thought for a millisecond that perhaps he's finally found a more appropriate answer, "Nope."

"Huh?" You shake your head completely bewildered. "You know I'm weird and you still want to be with me, why is that?"

"It's probably because I love you or something weird like that-" He turns to you as a blush sets in. Chuckling he gives a small pinch to your cheeks, fighting the cuteness aggression he feels, "Don't think about it too much though, that's a fact you should already know about by now... I would hope you know about by now..." He tilts his head as he says that last part as if questioning if you really did know about his love after all this time.

Vernon's love for you was something you never questioned, even though he wasn't exactly the best at physically expressing it he always made sure to assure you through words, actions, or gifts. It was a bit odd honestly, like he had some sort of psychic powers to know what your needs are. Maybe...

"I think you're the weird one actually-" you start thinking out loud.

"Yeah? Maybe."

"And you accept that, Han?"

"Mhm." His answers are blunt and to the point, you have to wonder if he's just saying this to satisfy your curiosity- "I'm not just saying that by the way. I know that I'm weird, babe."

"You a wizard?" He squints as he looks at you, waiting for clarification, "You read my mind like one."

"Nope, I'm just a really good boyfriend I think." He relaxes into the couch, pulling you onto his lap and retrieving his phone from your grasp.

"So we're both just weird and we both just have to accept that?"

"Looks like it, babe."

"huh..." You ponder on it for a moment as your eyes look around your shared apartment. Shelves filled with knick-knacks of yours, pillows in the shape of cartoon characters, anime on the TV currently... "Yeah, okay." You retract your worry as quick as it came, it was an absurd thought that you let yourself get caught up in any way. You wrap your arms around his neck, leaning your head against his shoulder as you watch him play his game.

"Hansol?"

"What?"

"Why am I seeing a half-naked man on your screen right now?"

"That is my current boyfriend, Sylus."

You look at him and raise an eyebrow, he meets your nebulous expression with a peck on the lips. "You are weird, Han."

"I know baby. It's honestly weirder that you heard me say all of that and that's your only reaction."

A/N: Hahaha totally not something to sate you guys as I continue working on the Cheol angst fic... (Please help me I'm 3000 words in and still haven't gotten through half of my bullet points) Tbf I did say it was gonna be long though... First Vernon fic though! Plus comeback around the corner, yeah let's all talk about all the whiplash that's been going on in Caratland rn...

Please Reblog and Comment (They act as power-ups for me)

Taglist (OPEN): @bemybabiibish @bath1lda @porridgesblog

[mazeinthemiroh]

In desperate need of how SKZ would spoil their girlfriends and the gifts they’d get for them like…I feel like lixie’s love language is gift giving so he’s the type to drop half his paycheck on his s/o😩✋🏾

how stray kids would spoil their s/o

genre: fluff

warnings: none

please like and reblog if you enjoy! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

not only will channie spoil you

he will literally refuse you buying ANYTHING

i just keep thinking of that one clip when he and felix were arguing about who got to pay for stuff at the convenience store... oh the chaos...

like he's so petty about it but it's like a need for him

he needs to buy you stuff

let him buy you stuff!!!

it's just a tendency for him. ingrained in his personality for sure; not something he can control

lee know

he honestly doesn't really think about it at all

in his mind, what's his is your

you want his money? take his freaking money lmfao

spoiling you and treating you to things comes as second nature to him and something he doesn't take much consideration to

it just feels right to buy you stuff you want, and he doesn't give it a second thought tbh

it's just really not that deep to him 🤷

changbin

this man has his wallet out permanently istg

just waiting to pay for things, credit card ready to swipe asap

he's always buying you stuff

just because

like there is no reason for it

maybe he likes being a provider, sure. or perhaps he likes you depending on him to an extent

idk whatever is going through this man's brain, i just think it's in his nature to want to spoil his loved ones

hyunjin

hyunne likes indulging your hobbies

if you are a bookworm, for instance, he will spend not only his money but his time carefully picking out books for you to enjoy

or if you are an artist like him, he will buy you all sorts of paints and pencils and sketchpads. you name it, he's getting you it!

also he has expensive taste, so when he wants to get you a fancy gift he is not stingy with that credit card of his

with him, if he's in love, why should he limit that love? if one way to show love is to get something you've been wanting for ages, why shouldn't he?

han

he would much rather he spend money on you than the other way round

not for traditional reasons or anything like that. more that he feels guilty, like he's not giving enough

he's a very generous soul but sometimes in relationships, he likes to just sit back and relax

and then he feels like he's not putting enough effort in so he over-compensates by spending a tone load of money on you

you reassure him that he is fine the way he is and doesn't have to do that but now it's become a habit he very much enjoys

felix

you are so incredibly right anon

i mean for felix is feel like all love languages fit him because he is basically the human incarnate of love but yeah

gift giving is one of them

felix loves buying gifts i know i have said this so many times in every single felix related content i write but he just can't stop buying stuff for other people

he loves spending money in general, so what better way to do that than spending money on gifts for the person he loves most?

seungmin

he's quite sensible with his money and only usually really buys something if he needs it

but spending money on you is a bit of a different story

he doesn't limit himself nor does he ask if you actually need that item you've been wanting to be. if you want it, you got it.

will literally ask for your wishlist and buy you everything off it, i'm not exaggerating

he's not one to beat around the bush, our seungmin! he goes straight to the point, as he should 💅

jeongin

jeongin is a reallyyyy good gift-buyer

he's perfectly balanced, really. he likes getting you gifts here and there, some of them are personal and others are expensive. he likes to get both kinds of gifts so that your heart is touched but also you get something a little fancy from him too <33

much like felix, he likes spending his money. and he feels he isn't being wasteful with it when he is buying you stuff because it makes you super happy aww

[heartbinn]

IN THE BATHROOM

or— taking a bath/shower with straykids!

Bangchan—!

-definitely bath baby. If by himself, he'd take showers, but if you two are in at the same time, expect a fluffy and slightly romantic bubble bath.

-you two would just stare at eachother, or, rather, he would stare at you, admiring you, and sometimes praising your looks.

-its free moments like these when he gets to express how he feels about you, and each time, he slowly falls more and more in love.

-it's very very rare that you two would get touchy while together, unless you want it. Channie either wants to appriciate the moment, or is too shy to do anything.

-you two would soak about atleast an hour, but really, its your choice when you get out. If you do, he follows you. Please give this man big hugs.

Leeknow—!

-do i even have to say anything..

-obviously shower. He'd argue back, wanting to use shower time for himself, but when you agree that he can wash you, its game on for him.

-and he'd make sure its sensible too, wouldnt just wash you but practically massage your body until he hears even the slightest sound from your mouth. He'd grip at your skin gently, squeezing anywhere he finds a little bodyfat. He loves your body and he kets you know.

-of course, you'd argue to wash him too, and after he finally says yes, he'd tease you about it until you dont want to do it anymore. Its just his way.

-maximum 20 minutes in the shower, he'd rather have you in bed.

Changbin—!

-oh he'd be embarassed.. he'd look at you over his shoulder with that little smile he has, and would spend just 15 minutes figuring out of he wants a bubble bath, so you cant see anything, or a shower, so you can see everything.

-well, even so he couldn't decide, you just dragged him to shower beacuse it's easier.

-and could you look anywhere but his muscles? Well..yknow the answer but really no. When you finally reach up and squeeze his bicep a little, he would jump from being sensitive, almost that he'd fall over.

-so babygirl, dont let him break his bones. Take a clear bath next time~

-overall about 25-30 minutes of bickering over eachother until one of you almost slips.

Hyunjin—!

-now.. its either he'd be really really really romantic during a bath or.. just straight up a menace.

-if he feels romantic, he'll have rose petals and shi floating in the water with a glass of wine like sudhsjdhusjdhdb baby

-but then..... if he feels lazy or just tired, he'd have fun in poking at your stomach and side, especially if you're ticklish. From here, when you wanna leave, he'll either pull you back and apologize or tease you for 'not handling his habits.

-don't blame you, he'd be annoyed too. But he just loves how you get all fussy at him.

-he'd come crawling back though

-baths either last two hours or two minutes, you can guess why.

Han—!

-another menace, kinda worse but better.

-absolutely baths. Dont make him convince you to wash his hair, he'd whimper intentionally, enjoying your red face. Its all fun until you pull on his hair. He loves teasing you but knows when to shut up.

-but he's still so cute. Give him little spikes while he has conditioner on his hair and watch him get whiny. Cutie.

-but he'd wash your hair in return too, suddenly understanding why you love massaging his scalp soooo much.

-baby boy, baths last anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour.

Felix—!

-shower boy like ugh so cute just standing there

-he probably wouldnt go in with you but just join you without a word. He's still respectful, doesnt look down if he hasnt seen you naked before, and only with permission.

-once he actually does get permission, he wont keep his hands to himself at all.

-so you either never get intimate in the shower, or every day. Even if you do, he's careful to hold you and himself both steady not to slip or fall, but eventually you'd get used to it.

-well, depending on what you let him it can be 10 minutes or 10 years(jk but about 30 mins, he'd switch to the bed after one round)

Seungmin—!

-if you manage to get in the shower with him, you deserve a reward.

-bro is an absolute menace, he'd lock the door, and would have long long showers himself.

-when you do get in with him, he'd be quiet and embarassed, just muttering to himself, until you help him wash his back or something. He'd hold you for some moments while the water just falls at you both.

-wont say anything but genuinely loves these moments. He's a quiet boy then.

-depending on his mood 5 to 15 minutes.

I.N—!

-the exact opposite, he wants you in the shower with him.

-like he'll actually beg you until you agree. He'd wash you, you'd wash him, everything would be smooth and movie like. Lets hope none of you slip.

-but he'd get tired from the warm water and you next to him, so showers are not longet than 10 minutes.

-after, you'd just cuddle next to a soft movie. He's a normal silly guy but has so much in him to love.

[sminiac]

Hiii it’s me🧸 I was wondering if you could write about reader’s first time with seunghan? If that’s ok ofc thankyouu 🩷

౨ৎ⋆˚｡ — Secrets !

⋆ Hong Seunghan + Bestfriend!Reader

💌 — Hani :( been thinking about him so much lately, thought now was a good time to finish off this beaut <3 I hope ya’ll don’t mind longer fics bc this one is looooong! Also finished writing this with no sleep, so if there’s typos or any confusing sections just pretend there actually isn’t! 😄

“You’re so perfect.” He speaks so softly to you, rather hushed, intimidated into a condensed version of his voice due to the closeness of your body; his hands are one of the same, a chained attachment connected to the link of his erratic heart.

His hands have an expansive coverage over your skin, they shake and twitch whilst skipping down your thighs, like a shadow left by his wandering eyes that only linger a few seconds ahead, he draws the pretty rounded darkness of them wherever he pleases, it’s not unfamiliar the way he looks at you, it’s just more indulgent.

You’ve thought about Seunghan like this more times than you’d like to admit, probably even more times than you can count by now. The prolonged contact of each other’s skin and sly excuses as to get you around him even more often than usual didn’t help your case of what started as merely a small flicker of admiration. It was fleeting and shallow, initially- platonic, but still there was something there, enough to deter your heart from its regular rhythm.

With his rather bold and sudden endeavours to get closer to you, you didn’t expect for him to be so forbearing now that he’s finally succeeded in getting you in such a position.

The agreement of being each others first was swift, and clumsy, from a wide range view definitely not as complex as it should have been regarding the feelings that in all time frames slipped afloat whenever he was close enough, it only snowballed into an unavoidable mass the more he persevered through your fickle effort to refrain from digging yourself into a deeper hole. Now that you can see the way his eyes lid with arousal thick in his brain you don’t think you could ever be closer than now as best friends, ‘no strings attached’ you both mumbled prior to getting under his clothes, but you both knew that it was much easier said than done, maybe it was only said in the first place so the two of you could get to each other faster, the more layers that were shed with the help of the others hand you’re stupidly neglectful of where your feet now keep you planted.

“We shouldn’t be..” he swallows thickly, his breath evading him. “doing this, right?” He asks absentmindedly, the half of his brain that’s still capable of making sensible decisions seizes his tongue, but fails to take root in his hands, they’re slack with only a small buzz in his movements now that he can rub and gently pull at the soft skin of your inner thighs, inwardly he fights with himself knowing that he should stop you from unzipping the fly of his jeans, his black and white checkered flannel already undone and of no use to keep what little modesty embedded between you and him, the sight of your pretty fingers is so dizzying in all the right ways, it makes his hips push up.

As you feel his attempt your movements stop, hands retreating from anywhere near his dick thats starting to sit uncomfortably against his thigh that it’s invading his conscience every passing second, a warm shake runs through his skin at the suddenness of your break.

“Do you want me to stop, ‘han?” You ask.

His head shakes in a small halfhearted frustration. “Not what I meant, not what I meant at all.”

His brows furrow, skin creased and his lips all pink and fuzzy from your sucking, biting and the repeated press of your own, the quickness makes you smile, the assurance, he was always so sure of himself when it came to you, and your dislike of uncertainty, but you’ve never thought to question it twice, until now.

Seunghan’s exterior softens as he reaches for your hand, he doesn’t move too fast as to make it seem like he’s getting impatient nor too slow like he’s fighting against it. He has a firm grip, his thumb pushing out your index and middle finger to press them against his navel.

His jaws dropped comfortably, you can see the way his tongue slips behind the back of his teeth as he closely watches the pads of your fingers drag up over the firmness of underlying muscle. The definition isn’t too bulky or flat, it’s just enough for you to feel an almost ribbed sensation.

“I’d be crazy to want to stop.” From your fingers his eyes shift to your face, bringing them up to his lips. “Not when I finally have you.”

He doesn’t keep track of where your other hand lays, and his eyes don’t widen in shock as you feel at his length through the thick of his denim, they only flutter shut, revelling in the squeeze of your palm as it runs up his length, at the same time your fingers slip into his mouth, the warmth of it inviting you further back until the edge of his teeth drag at your joints, “Finally?” You reiterate curiously. “So you’ve been waiting this whole time?”

His tongue licks up against your fingers, lips pulling around the two digits as they exit. “Only as long as you have.”

Your grip relaxes, dragging lightly over the tip of his cock that prompts his hips to kick. “Yea?… think you’re lying.”

“Mmh, am I?”

You nod, smiling softly at the sound of his distant voice, its light and breathy, you can tell he’s not fully understanding.

Being ‘Best friends’ was quite the understatement, everyone knew this and frequently called the both of you out for your bullshit, you’d try to dodge and duck under the flying accusations of being lovers —or at least somehow intimately involved with each other— when it was thrown around, but the mess of breaching the sustained title was more than you were willing to clean up at the time.

You swore on playing your cards right, enough to gain a general understanding of where Seunghan’s alleged feelings for you came from, but it gave you quite the shock when he so easily relayed to you his attraction. It was much different hearing it from himself, and not through a friend of a friend. The only thing he wanted to keep standing was that he was in no way expecting for you to act on his own selfish desires, but god was his idea of you so naive, so outdated.

“You’re funny ‘han,” You choose to brush past his unknowingness, your fingers already working to loosen his jeans. “take these off now please.”

He follows your word without any hesitation, gently he guides you off of him and onto the couch cushion, standing to strip off any of his clothes that would be tricky for you to take off yourself. His eyes flit between you and himself as he does so, until they abruptly stop on you and don’t bother moving, even as he struggles with his belt, fumbling trying to pop the silver prongs out of the leather holes he can’t look away from the spread of your thighs, bent at the knee, laid back with your hand moving to keep you company where you feel the desperation most.

“Hurry, getting impatient.” You sigh, teasing him by rubbing through the terribly thin fabric that clings to your wet cunt. He can see your impatience, hear it, you didn’t have to tell him at all. “Or, I can help you. Do— shit, do you need help ‘han?”

He mirrors your emotions, nodding as his hand reaches to rest on your knee. “Please. Need your help, really can’t do it myself.”

Your foot slips off the edge of the cushion, your other planted to keep him steady as you move towards him. He’s surprised that your fingers move much faster than he could’ve ever done himself, he’s out of his jeans in the matter of seconds.

A small brush of your kisses are ran up his stomach until the extension of your neck doesn’t allow you any further, the sensation makes him twitch, a fuzzy feeling coating his skin, “Fuck,” he sighs, a hand coming up to rest at the back of your head. “you’re so beautiful, always, my Y/n. Never thought I’d be able to see you like this.”

Seunghan smiles, it’s soft, grounding in a way that reminds you that this is just him, he’s still Seunghan even if you’re experiencing him in a different light. You like it. You like the way it’s still him even when he’s pulled of your panties and lowered himself between your legs, that his eyes are still the same colour even as he’s introducing his tongue to the taste of your pussy, that the sharp canines in his mouth still add the same charm to his smile as he feels the pulse of the muscles in your legs react with each swipe of his tongue.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, or how to move in a way that’ll make you continue to whine and gasp the way you are, but he knows it’s something he wants to do again, and again and again until he knows, until he’s mastered it.

Eventually he tongues at a spot that has your hips shifting and your fingers in his hair, “Right there, ‘han! Fuck!” You whimper whilst grabbing at his hand that’s holding your thigh, “fingers, need your fingers.”

He moves where you want without a second thought, having never used his fingers like this before he’s a little unsure of where to move, how to put them to use, luckily your hand finds his again, you move right away, his head moves back to give you space as you guide him. Even if his fingers aren’t pressed directly against you he can still feel how warm you are, he’s breathless at the sudden feeling of you pressing him against you. The soft tip of his finger nudges at the small group of nerves that pulse and twitch, “This is where your tongue kept brushing against, if you focus here- it’ll make me cum.” You explain briefly, Seunghan nods, an interested expression on his face as he listens, it’s cute how quickly he follows while your slick is still thick over the bottom half of his face. “Here,” you sigh, melting at the feeling of him being pushed inside of you. “‘s where you can put your cock inside, need you to prep me so it won’t hurt so much.”

The remaining length of his finger moves forward without your touch, you try to keep your hips still but the pleasure of his touch is much greater compared to your own.

“Just one?” He asks, experimentally pulling halfway out before pumping back in.

“Try two now.” You whisper.

He moves more skillfully than you expected, as he pulls back his ring finger finds the set pace and continues on, the slight stretch almost kills his confidence down but you reassure him with a nodding head and shut eyes that it’s good, he’s making you feel good.

He can’t help but take some time to watch, listen, the wet sound his fingers make much louder is downright captivating, added the sound of your voice that’s only full of mumbled praise. You think that he must be feeling more comfortable when his mouth lowers back to your clit, he tries running his tongue again but it keeps bumping against his fingers, and your volume isn’t as loud as it once was.

The only thing he can think of is his lips attaching in a suction-like method, it’s clumsy and he keeps accidentally pulling himself off which makes for loud noises but you’re starting to react more to his movements. The involuntary pulse of your thighs comes back, only more intense this time, Seunghan tries to keep his jaw relaxed but your hips start rocking against his fingers, the stimulation to your clit and the soft punch of his fingers inside have your body moving on its own accord, but he toughs it out.

“Seung— fuck, can’t, can’t! Need you, need your dick.” Your fingers desperately claw at his forearm that’s resting over your stomach, he almost doesn’t want to listen to you, but the sudden cry and kick of emotion startles him, so he allows his pace to settle until his tongues back in his mouth and his fingers are pulled all the way out.

“Can’t keep saying stuff like that baby.” He says, pushing his hair away from his face as he makes his way back onto the couch and shifting you until he’s between your legs again, “Please. Gonna make me cum, ‘nd you haven’t even.. touched me yet.”

He struggles to speak or even move when he’s got an overhead view of you. He’s convinced there’s no such thing as a bad angle when it comes to you, the more he’s able to see of you the more obsessed he becomes with wanting more.

“What?” You ask with a breathy laugh.

If it were any other guy seeing you like this on full display with nothing to hide surely you’d be curling in on yourself, but with Seunghan, some sick part of you thinks this the furtherest point in a friendship, or whatever the two of you have that could be reached. You’ve argued, fought, cried, laughed, experienced skin crawling embarrassment and happy tear inducing moments together, but this, there was nothing ahead of this.

“Damn it.” He hisses, separating himself from fully.

You chase after him before you can register what he says. “What? Are you okay?” Your hand rests against his warm chest, “What is it?”

“Condoms.” Is all he says in a defeated tone.

“Yeah? You have some don’t you?”

His lips purse as his head shakes, embarrassed that he’d forgotten the most important thing.

“Did you check?” You ask, ready to bend off to the side to grab his jeans off of the floor, but he stops you before you can. “Left them on my nightstand, I know ‘cause I made a mental note but got sidetracked when I was getting ready to come over. I forgot them.” He laughs bitterly to himself, after all the hoops you jumped through together to finally settle on doing something about the mutual attraction and he screws it up by forgetting to do the one thing he was asked of.

“I’m sorry, I was just really excited to see you ag—”

“We forget about it.” You hastily suggest.

Seunghan’s head raises, looking at you through the soft hair that falls back over his eyes. “I couldn’t ask that of you.” He replies tenderly, his hand rubbing at your skin in reassurance.

“Then don’t, I’m asking you- to forget that I even mentioned bringing condoms to begin with.”

The condoms weren’t the most necessary due to your use of contraceptives, in fact it was more of a save from inflating his ego, you couldn’t have him know that you’ve been prepared to do this for months.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You reply without missing a beat: “Positive.”

“No, Y/n, like you’re really sure?”

“Yes! Gosh, do you want to fuck me or not ‘han?”

He quiets down, attempting to swallow back the nerves that start creeping up, unsure if he should mindlessly abide by your wishes or put his foot down for your own sake. “I can’t get pregnant, if that’s why you’re so worried.” You almost giggle, reaching to pull him back down with you again. “Should’ve known, you’re never good with sparing me any details, at least the important ones.” Your back finds the softness behind you, hips adjusting and your legs moving to find a comfortable position as he inches back, his cock heavy between his legs, the soft bump of his tip against your inner thigh makes you hot with anticipation.

Seunghan never bragged about his body like other boys do, but looking at him now you wish he learned to.

“Nervous?” He asks, his thumb slipping between your folds and back to your clit, “Nervous, but excited.” You reply, studying his sharp features as he slides his thumb back and forth. A crooked smile pulls at his lips, a small breathless laugh following. “Fuck, me too. But you’re ready?”

You nod, inching yourself closer to him, “Whenever you are.”

The air starts to feel heavy in your lungs, a small prickling of nervousness in the pit of your stomach as he grabs at his dick, for good measure he runs a few light strokes up and down before pressing the tip to where you had his fingers. He looks at your face then, a hand moving to rest against your cheek as he slightly tips forward, the small movement prompts him to press inside of you. The intrusion is expected, it stings, the unfamiliarity of something this wide making you feel a little hollow inside as he continues easing in, but you take it without a sliver of a complaint. This is Seunghan, your Seunghan. The reminder continues rolling in your head the further he reaches, and it helps, but the biting uncomfortably doesn’t lessen any.

“More than half way,” he says, looking down to where you meet. “you’re handling the pain like a champ.”

Your lips press into eachother, eyes shutting as your head falls back. “You did not just refer to me as a ‘champ’ while your dick is inside of me.” You manage to whisper out before the giggles start taking over.

Seunghan smiles stupidly, laughing silently alongside you.

“You’ve never called me that before, do I really feel that good?” He leans further into you, his head dropping into your neck to hide himself. “S’good I can barely think.”

“Yeah?” Your arm moves up to rest against his shoulder, propping yourself against him so your fingers can run through his hair as he nods. “Don’t have to, jus’ make us feel good, that’s all I ask.”

You let him rest for a moment, it gives you a chance to adjust to his size before he pitches back up in tandem with the small, shallow strokes. The top of his head blocks your view of what he does below, but for right now maybe it’s for the better.

The hesitance of hitting deeper or going faster starts catching up to the both of you quicker than you thought it would, eventually the both of you are breathless, grasping and holding onto each other in a way you couldn’t describe as something other than eager, needy, yet you’re too unsure of yourselves to call the shots.

By now you’ve unquestionably gotten over any fickleness that kept you so boxed away from Seunghan, your arms keep him pinned to your chest, his oversized shirt rolling further up your chest with his every move. Your hold on him slackens, his exposed back now only a place for your arms to lay rather than something used to brace yourself, “Faster ‘hani, please.” You softly exhort, your voice so small in your throat that he almost misses it.

Like a true cat his ears almost perk up at the sound, he takes your encouragement to heart. ‘Make us feel good’ he thinks. There’s nothing else he wants more.

Every rock of his hips has more vigour to it than the last, the tip of his cock inevitably hits a place you’ve never managed to discover on your own, and it does nothing but meet the same place over and over again as he continues fucking into you.

“Not gonna last” he huffs, struggling to intake air with the way his muscles are burning and the warm squeeze of your cunt is giving him the same exact feeling. It’s higher in level, the pleasure he bears, engulfing, he couldn’t describe a better feeling, whether it’s your body that gives it to him, or the relief of finally having you to himself he can’t exactly place, but fuck is it thrilling.

You can only do so much being under him like this, but even with an excuse like that you still can’t manage to shut your mouth.

“Don’t have- to!” You squeak, pathetically attempting to meet the rhythm of his hips with your own. With just the effort of his tongue and fingers you were already so far gone, so ready to meet your end, you knew that neither of you would last long when he’d sunken himself down until he couldn’t anymore.

“You’re so.. cute like this baby.” He can’t help but smile whilst bringing a hand down to your clit, his middle finger taps against it, the sticky string of your slick sticking to his skin the more force he uses with each return. You jolt against him each time until his orgasm starts brewing hot and white in a thick band that starts pulling taut, and delicate, he opts to quickly flick his finger against you the more incoherent he becomes.

“Fuck— Y/n, going to! Where- to know, where!”

“‘nside!” Your high washes over you before you can get another word out, your body strains and you don’t have the mind to try and escape the overwhelming rush of pleasure. You can’t hear what sounds you make as your mouth drops open, or the way your body moves in reaction, and Seunghan seems to have endured the same exact experience.

Heavy breaths overlap one another as he settles back over top of you, his hand slipping under the shirt you wear to palm at your breast, his cheek smushes against you as he tucks himself just under your chin.

“What’re you thinking about?” He asks, expecting some heartfelt reply that carries the weight of your existence into profoundly intuitive detail.

“How you called me ‘champ’ in the middle of sex.”

Instead he ends up whining, gently hitting at your arm. “Y/nnn! I did not!”

ᰔ sminiac’s RIIZE M.List

[cityofjieun]

★ . . . . -ˏˋ 2KIDS ROOMˊˎ | EP. 3 - JIA x HAN

date: february 2022 era: maniac word count: 1.4K

a/n: this took a lot longer than i planned and i'm not sure if i like it but if i don't post it now i literally never will. 2 ji is a realtionship thats very dear to me so i hope i did them justice. please lemme know what you think 🙇🏽‍♀️

THE 2KR INTRO PLAYS, FEATURING A COMPILATION OF THE TWO GIGGLING AT EACH OTHER’S EXPENSE, THE OTHER MEMBER USUALLY STARING BLANKLY OR STRUGGLING TO NOT RETURN THE SMILE.

HAN: [sitting on the couch by himself, looking off camera] are you going to come over here so we can start or are you going to stall a little longer?

JIA: [OFF CAMERA] i’m waiting for manager-nim to find the clause in my contract that says i wouldn't have to film with han-ssi outside of group schedules... i think this is a mistake.

HAN: [GIGGLING BUT LOOKING TOWARD THE CAMERA] do you see how difficult jia-nim is… aish, she’s caught the celebrity disease.

JIA: and you would know all about that, oppa-nim [ SITTING DOWN ON THE COUCH ] i mean, you caught it before you were even famous.

HAN: okay, moving on!

꩜

SEUNGMIN: han and jia.

FELIX: they’re like oil and vinegar.

CHANGBIN: in what way??

CHAN: they don’t mix necessarily, but they still go together well.

[ FELIX HUMS IN AGREEMENT ]

꩜

JIA: [ CLAPS ] chidongz 2kids room!

HAN: i still don't know how to feel about that?

JIA: you learn to live with it, i mean it’s a cuter way of calling us rodents…

HAN: [SIGHS]

JIA: anyways, when was the last time we hung out, han-ssi?

HAN: i remember we watched that j-drama you saw on tiktok together but i can’t exactly remember when that was. i see you so much that it kind of blurs together.

JIA: honestly, we are together a lot. you are a homebody, so we don’t actually go out as much as i wish we would, but we usually hang out together at the dorms.

꩜

HYUNJIN: have you noticed that they always tend to end up at our dorm?

JEONGIN: which is interesting, because you'd think jisung-hyung would just come over to ours more because jieun and lino-hyung are there and he could kill two birds with one stone.

[ THE TWO LAUGH]

MINHO: ??

HYUNJIN: that gives him too much credit, it's too sensible.

MINHO: [POINTEDLY IGNORING HYUNJIN] i think it's because jisung-ah thrives in his own personal space, while being home for too long might make jieunnie feel a bit trapped.

꩜

HAN: but we did go out recently to... [TRAILING OFF] umm… what was it…

JIA: [CUTTING HIM OFF] so the time we spend together means nothing.

HAN: stop.

[ THEY STOP LOOKING AT EACH OTHER SERIOUSLY FOR A MOMENT BEFORE JISUNG BREAK INTO LAUGHTER FOLLOWED BY JIEUN ]

JIA: anyways! we went to a cafe in hannam-dong i really wanted to try. i saw it in yoon seung-ah’s vlogs. they’re known for their bagels and that location specifically has a pretty view of the river so i wanted to take insta pictures.

HAN: OH! and we got lost trying to find it?

JIA: because you insisted, we didn't need directions. HAN: [ROLLS EYES] hey, we found it eventually, didn't we? JIA: after wandering around for an hour! by the time we got there the wait was insane.

HAN: [UNDER HIS BREATH] yeah and the bagels were a bit mid for how long we waited.

JIA: we wouldn’t have had to so long if some had gotten up when i told him to originally AND actually used his phone maps [WACKING HIS SHOULDER TO EMPHAZISE HER POINT]

[THE TWO START TO BAT AT EACH OTHER BEFORE THE SCENCE CUTS]

JIA: i think we should go on a trip together next time we have a vacation. we’ve never gone anywhere just the two of us like that it could be fun.

HAN: a vacation with you….

JIA: what’s that supposed to mean???

HAN: i’m kidding i’m kidding

JIA: yeah sure.

HAN: you are very J so you would make a whole itinerary, wouldn’t you?

JIA: i think having a general plan of what you want to do make sure you get to make the most of you time

HAN: hmmm sure...where would we even go?[THINKING] Japan could be fun. Lots of great food, and it's a short trip. What about you?

JIA: [SMILES] Japan sounds fun. But I'd say Europe. We could explore so many different countries and cultures. I’d love to be able to use my french.

HAN: oh, i have an interesting question, what would we do if the other disappeared.

JIA: oh, this gets a bit serious.

HAN: [SERIOUS] it's funny because i think with any other member, i think i’d want to let them have their space because obviously if they run away, it's for some reason and they want to be alone. but i think if you were so upset that you’d isolate yourself, i’d have to check on you immediately. [ TOWARDS THE CAMERA TO AVOID EYE CONTACT WITH JIEUN ] she isn't someone that likes to be by herself, alone time isn’t really something she seeks because she thrives around others, so i think if she's going out of her way to be by herself like that something is really wrong.

JIA: [A BIT STARTLED AT HIS SERIOUSNESS, AS WELL AS THE SLIGHT READ] aww ji…[POKING HIS ARM] i think i'd obviously want to respect the fact that hanji wanted time alone, but i'd have to check in at some point. [SHE PEEKS AT JISUNG BEFORE CONTINUING A BIT BASHFULLY] i know we have very different social batteries, and hanji is pretty good about just letting me know when he needs some time to himself. but i think if he was to go off and not respond i’d be worried.”

꩜

CHAN: honestly, i think out of everyone, jieun has opened up to han the most, besides seungmin.

FELIX: which is interesting because they’re so different.

[THE FOUR MURMUR IN AGREEMENT]

SEUNGMIN: i think they get on so well because they’re aware of how different they are.

CHANGBIN: oh absolutely. the two used to clash a lot, and i think they came to a point where they had to understand how they were different, and what accommodations they need to make to understand the other better.

CHAN: wahh changbin, you're so insightful.

꩜

[SENTIMENTAL SILENCE]

JIA: this may be the only time i every admit to this, but sometimes i wish i were more like you in some ways

HAN: in what ways?

JIA: i mean, like you said earlier i’m not one who enjoys being by themselves. i think when i'm alone for too long i begin to think too hard and get into my own head. honestly, i think not being able to properly spend time alone with myself is a bit unhealthy. i kinda admire the fact that you are capable of being on your own and enjoy your own company.

꩜

MINHO: i’ve been trying to get jieunnie to understand that it’s not wrong to want to be around others and have companionship, it's an innately human thing, you know.

HYUNJIN: she’s a lot like changbin-hyung. he likes to just sit in my room with me to just be there.

JEONGIN: [GIGGLING TO HIMSELF] well, that's because it's you and changbin hyung…

HYUNJIN: …

꩜

JIA: skz-gi behind the camera look like they want us to start wrapping up

HAN: any final words?

[JIA HUMS, SEEMINGLY WEIGHING SOMETHING BACK AND FORTH IN HER MIND, BEFORE SIGHING AND GRABBING ONE OF JISUNGS HANDS]

JIA: i know i don’t say this often but thank you.

HAN: what for?

JIA: being my person i guess? you have always worked really hard to understand me, as well as help me understand myself. i’m so grateful to have a friend like you in my life and i’m so happy i get to live out my childhood dreams with my best friend.

HAN: jieun...

JIA: hey, let me finish. thank you for growing with me thus far, and I'm so excited to see where we go... together.

HAN: jieunnie..

JIA: if you cry so will I

HAN: thank you for understanding me as well. i know i haven't always been the easiest to deal with but y

[ THE TWO SIT IN SILENCE FOR A MOMENT, SOAKING IN JIEUN'S BEFORE JISUNG CLEARS HIS THROAT. THE SOUND MAKES JIEUN SNICKER FOR A MOMENT BEFORE THE TWO DISSOLVES INTO SILENT TEARS. THE VIDEO CUTS TO THE TWO, LESS TEARY BUT NOSES OBVIOUSLY A LITTLE STUFFY]

JIA: well, this was fun.

HAN: should we take our picture and head out?

JIA: yes please [END]

©︎ cityofjieun, all rights reserved. pls, do not copy or repost my work.

[esuemmanuel]

For someone who is extremely sensitive, solitude is more attractive than anything else, because in solitude one is safe; there are no words or attitudes of others that hurt, that is why I love solitude and that is why I take care of it. It has never been easy for me to ignore others, that is why I prefer to exclude myself and shut myself away. In here, in my hiding place, no one touches me, no one reaches me and I don't bother anyone. Sometimes, I would like to stay here forever, just with myself and my imaginary friends; they will never make me feel bad. I don't know how I got here or how I managed not to disappear. I have been hurt by many things, many people, and yet I am still here, what am I looking for? what do I hope for? what do I want? what? "For many, solitude is sad. For me, the world is sad." In solitude you don't have to pretend anything, since you don't have to impress anyone, nor convince or be liked. In solitude you are simply you. Instantaneous, transparent, authentic, sincere and real, while in the world, in front of others, you always have to give in, and this means hiding, covering up, taking care of yourself, and pretending; pretending a lot, pretending just enough to "keep the party in peace". Actually, I don't like being approached by people, not when their intentions are not kind, let alone good. If you're going to approach me, do it with your heart in your hand. If not, don't even dare. And it's not a threat, it's just that… I do feel, I do hurt, I do care.

Para alguien extremadamente sensible es más atrayente la soledad que cualquier cosa, pues en ésta se está a salvo; no hay palabras ni actitudes ajenas que duelan, por eso amo la soledad y por eso la cuido.

Nunca ha sido fácil para mí ignorar a los demás, por eso prefiero excluirme y encerrarme. Aquí dentro, en mi escondite, nadie me toca, nadie me alcanza ni yo incomodo o molesto a nadie. A veces, quisiera quedarme aquí para siempre, solo conmigo y mis amigos imaginarios; estos nunca me harán sentir mal.

No sé cómo es que he llegado hasta aquí ni cómo le he hecho para no desaparecer. Me han dolido muchas cosas, mucha gente y, sin embargo, sigo aquí, ¿qué busco? ¿Qué espero? ¿Qué quiero? ¿Qué?

"Para muchos es triste la soledad. Para mí, es triste el mundo."

En soledad no tienes que aparentar nada, ya que a nadie tienes que impresionar, tampoco convencer o caer bien. En soledad eres, simplemente, tú. Instantáneo, transparente, auténtico, sincero y real, mientras que, en el mundo, frente a los demás, siempre tienes que ceder y esto conlleva ocultarte, cubrirte, cuidarte y fingir, fingir mucho, fingir lo suficiente para "mantener la fiesta en paz".

En realidad, no me gusta que se me acerque la gente, no cuando sus intenciones no son amables ni mucho menos buenas. Si vas a acercarte a mí, hazlo con el corazón en la mano. Si no, mejor ni te atrevas. Y no es amenaza, es que… yo sí siento, a mí sí me duele, a mí sí me importa.

[cellarspider]

6/30 The road to hell

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⛬

We return to the movie equivalent of an incompletely-assembled Ikea PAX / BERGSBO wardrobe surrounded by chips of particle board and eight thousand extra screws, Prometheus.

If that analogy made sense to anybody, congratulations! You too are succumbing to The Madness.

Content warnings for terrible archaeology, terrible chemistry, and blunt force trauma to the audience with a piece of exposition.

Increasingly extensive alt-text ramblings include the logistics of securing items in moving craft, linguistics, atmospheric science, colorblind-friendly diagram design, swearing about orology, and cursing the crew for their fictional crimes against archaeology.

Many on Tumblr are familiar with Chekhov’s Gun, a piece of writing advice that calls for economy of storytelling: if you mention a loaded gun in your story, it should go off at some point. Sergius Shchukin phrased it this way: “Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first act that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third act it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there." 

So Prometheus takes the rifle down off the wall and smashes you over the head with it, just to make sure you saw it.

CH: “Wow, nice place.”

D: “It's actually a separate module with its own self-contained life support. Air, food. Anything Miss Vickers would need to survive a hostile environment.”

CH: “Okay, so she lives on a lifeboat.”

MV: “Yes. I do. I like to minimize risk.”

Gee. I wonder if Vickers’ lifeboat living quarters will become relevant later.

Then, Chekhov’s rifle hits us with its next flurry of blows.

“Charlie, look. It's a Pauling Med-Pod. They only made a dozen of these.”

Gee. I wonder if the Pauling Med-Pod–-yes of course it’s going to be relevant later

You want a movie where a literal Chekhov’s gun gets fired off, along with Chekov’s crossword puzzle, Chekov’s ketchup packet, Chekhov’s swan, and Chekhov’s farmer’s mum, Chekhov’s everything all weaving back together again in a beautiful symphony of hilarious violence? Watch Hot Fuzz! Do it! Just watch Hot Fuzz! Not Prometheus!

I have said it before and I say it now, this movie is TERRIBLE at providing the audience with plot-relevant information. It hits you like head trauma. It bellows at you like Hans Zimmer has his entire orchestra hiding behind your chair, ready to let loose with an Inception Noise.

Vickers is here to make David mix drinks and to be a Corpo Ice Queen who demands that the team not make any direct contact with any alien life they find while they’re here. She doesn’t think they will, though. She thinks Weyland was delusional. But she’s the one in charge of the company money, so she’s the boss here.

Which begs the question of why she’s here at all, rather than back on Earth. This is actually a plot point, but because it’s not explicitly called out like the LIFEBOAT with the PAULING MED-POD, and everyone else has acted like loons anyway, it does not stand out. It just seems like another dollop of irrational behavior in the unpalatable stew of these characters.

However, Vicker’s demand that no direct contact be made? Very sensible! In fact, this was the point in the movie where I distinctly remember thinking in the theater “wait, they don’t have a first contact protocol already?” 

Like, Vickers doesn’t think that anything’s going to happen, but there’s enough of a chance that she’s giving orders not to engage. The sum total of their formal first contact attempt was yeeting a cultural message packet at the planet while in-transit to see if they got any response. The only one who appears to have been preparing was David–he basically spent the last two years learning comparative linguistics, with the aim of acting as a translator, should they get that far. That’s a sound choice, though its actual implementation is going to leave me incensed later.

But that still doesn’t answer the question of what they’re planning to do. Weyland certainly believed that they were going to meet aliens here. He’s arrogant enough to have demanded this whole project happen, and he didn’t have anything to say about what should be said if they made contact without him? 

This is, possibly, a plot point. But everything else that happens around this in the next five minutes is pure, howling madness.

Because they’re immediately descending into the atmosphere of this alien world.

This is too fast. In Alien, they landed on-planet to check out a possible distress signal, and it was a goddamn pain in their collective ass that they were only doing out of legal responsibility. In Aliens, they were a bunch of hopped-up marines ready to go shoot bugs. 

These are, again, scientists. The team leads are archaeologists! Aerial archaeology is a thriving field today that’s only going to get more useful as technology improves! There is no sense that they’ve done any scans, they don’t even know what the atmosphere is made out of, something we, right now, can already determine about exoplanets. Really! We can! 

We are explicitly told, in fact, that all this is happening within the same day as everyone waking up. The events of this movie appear to happen over two days, maybe three at the max.

And now, Spider yells at cloud. Or rather, the atmosphere.

The movie claims that if you spend two minutes on the surface without an oxygen supply, you’re dead. Why? Atmospheric CO₂ is over 3%.

Now, 3% CO₂ is not a fun time, and you will definitely experience weird physical and cognitive effects. But if you hang out in 3-5% CO₂, you’re going to be pretty okay for anywhere from four hours to over a month. 

What I've heard consistently is speculation that the movie meant carbon monoxide levels at 3%, which, yeah, that'll kill ya. In fact 2-3 breaths of 1.28% CO makes people pass out and die within under three minutes. 0.01% CO is enough to result in headaches and memory problems, as one redditor demonstrated to the internet back in 2015. 

But no. For whatever reason, the movie script says “CO₂”. Consistently.

And now, we get to the bit that had me screeching under my breath in the theater. Most people who saw Prometheus lost their sympathy for the human characters about 5-20 minutes after this point. I was ahead of the curve. I hated these characters before it was cool. Because they see a structure. They see what looks like roads.

Holloway, who I remind you all, claims to be an archaeologist, demands they set the ship down on one of those roads.

Let me tell you all a story. A few years before this movie first blighted me, I signed up for an archaeological field course. The university offering it didn’t have a dig permit lined up for the year I went, but their campus was in an area that had seen continuous human habitation for at least 15,000 years. They scouted out a bit of lawn, we cut the turf, and started digging. 

A week or two into the dig, we realized that the top layers were probably modern infill, dirt that had been trucked in from somewhere and completely jumbled. We started hacking away at it with mattocks to get down to the actual archaeology, which was delayed by a day or two when I struck 1940s asphalt. 

Like, literally struck it with my mattock. It felt like biting down on aluminum foil, but spread out over my hands to my shoulders. The professors rented a small mechanical digger to tear up the old car park, and also some of the plywood on the sides of our trench by accident. I have never seen a bunch of professors so gleeful about being turned loose on heavy machinery.

But finally, we got to what we were there for. A bunch of 13th century houses, and a Roman road.

I remember we made sure there was photo documentation that captured every fucking pebble on the medieval surface of that road, before we dug in. We were encouraged to sketch it, too. We took precise GPS coordinates of where the edge of the road started. We sifted through the road surface as we dug it up, finding dozens of tiny artifacts, because centuries of people had tossed little bits of trash onto the road, lost things out of their pockets and pouches, all the random little events that might happen on a stretch of road two minutes' walk from the parish church. 

I remember one student found the metal tag off of a horse’s bridle, that would’ve been used to identify it with its owner’s mark. Another found an 800 year old silver coin, tarnished on one side and perfectly, shiningly pristine on the other. It was beautiful.

And over and over, we were told: “A road is a find.” A road itself is history. A road is a place shaped by human hands, where humans have lived their lives. We can learn a lot from roads.

And that was what I was whispering at the screen in the theater, increasingly incensed. “A road is a find. A road is a find. A road is a find!!”

I was ready to reach through the screen and strangle that motherfucker Holloway from this moment on. The movie had lost me fully. Not because of this moment in isolation–if the rest of it had been consistently competent, I would have sighed and done my best to hold onto suspension of disbelief. But the drip feed of problem after problem had taken me from open and interested in the movie to actively spiteful in about 30 minutes or less.

So, fine. The movie seemed determined to make me watch a bunch of unprepared morons stumble to their deaths. Usually, this sort of movie doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t find much use for the kind of movie where you’re supposed to feel antipathy toward the main cast, as a free pass to watch them suffer. It’s why I still haven’t seen Alien Covenant. But I had been unexpectedly ambushed by just such a movie, and I was rooting for whatever horrors awaited them.

⛬

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⛬

Citations for alt text rambling:

1. https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/bane-vs-pink-guy--2

2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_bronze_inscriptions 

3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cumulonimbus_incus 

4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%A1rm%C3%A1n_line

5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Everest

6. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympus_Mons

[amethystina]

"Han fattas mig."

One of the compliments I often get on my writing is just that — my writing. My word choices, my sentence structure, my imagery, my rhythm, my originality, etc. Now, I never thought I'd reach a point where I’d become that good at the craft itself, especially not in a language that's not even my native tongue. Partly because of imposter syndrome but also because I'm usually such a perfectionist that I never thought I’d dare to write something that doesn't strictly and stiltedly follow the rules.

Sentence fragments? Words used in unusual contexts? Odd or highly specific imagery? No can do!

Except, clearly, I can. I should, even.

And I want to share one of the monumental pieces of writing that made me realise that. And it’s not even a whole work. It's just one sentence, really:

"Han fattas mig."

Now, that probably looks a bit weird to those of you who don't understand Swedish, so let me explain.

That's a quote from the children's book Ronja the Robber's Daughter written by the famous Swedish author Astrid Lindgren. It was published back in 1981 and while I didn't actually read the book as a kid, I DID watch the Swedish live-action movie many times. But, even then, it took until my adult years to fully grasp the utter and heart-breaking brilliance of that quote.

For some context, the book/movie is about Ronja who, surprise surprise, is the young daughter of a robber chief. That quote is said by her father, Mattis, when one of the old robbers of their clan suddenly dies. Now, this old robber, Skalle-Per (uh... I guess the translation would be Bald Pete?), is clearly a father figure for Mattis. A wise old man who, while gloriously snarky, is also incredibly nurturing and emotionally mature. Which stands in stark contrast to Mattis who is the somewhat traditionally dominant, macho man. He HAS to be, on account of being the chief for a clan of rough and tough robbers. They, in many ways, complete each other, where Skalle-Per is kind, thoughtful, and sensible while Mattis is brash, violent, and impulsive.

Now, predictably, when Skalle-Per dies, Mattis throws a full-on tantrum. The kind that shows just how inexperienced he is with dealing with emotions without Skalle-Per to help him work through them. And, since the whole problem is that Skalle-Per is now dead? Mattis has absolutely no idea what to do.

He starts pacing back and forth, crying, flailing his arms, and yelling things like: "He's always been here! He's always existed, and now he doesn't!" And no amount of calming words from his wife soothes him and, eventually, he says that line:

"Han fattas mig."

And there is no direct translation I can give you that fully conveys the amount of raw, almost childlike, grief in that one sentence. This sentence was the one that made me realise that following the rules doesn't matter because, strictly speaking, this one doesn't. The words used are unusual to the point where they're even a little odd at first glance but, once you look deeper, also so incredibly impactful.

The rough translation would probably be "I miss him" but, as said, that doesn't convey the sheer desperation that those words do in Swedish. First of all, it throws the words around, completely changing the focus and weight of the sentence. "Han" is "he" and "mig" is "I." So saying "I miss him" reverses the order where the emphasis SHOULD be put on "him" but the main subject of the sentence now becomes "I" (i.e. less about the loss and more about how "I" am feeling). In “Han fattas mig” the “he” is the most important part.

Second, you have the word "fattas" which, yes, directly translated means "missing." But not the kind of missing that we Swedes normally use for grief. We have another word for that called "saknar." If you miss someone who has died, you'd say: "Jag saknar honom." Which is basically the same as the English “I miss him.” The word "fattas" is for a completely different context — a much more mundane one, with almost no emotional stakes. It's what we use when a piece is missing or something is lacking a required component. Kind of like you would say: "This stew is missing something" when it doesn't taste the way you want it to. But it can also mean "lost" as in "there's one puzzle piece missing."

So when Mattis says those words, he doesn't say "I miss him." He's saying: "He is a part of me and he is now missing," and "he is a part of me and I lost him," and "he is a part of me and now there is a hole where he used to be."

He is saying: "I will never be complete again."

Because "fattas" is also the word we use when something is missing and the thing won't be complete until you add it/return it/get it back. And, in this case, since the man in question is dead, you know Mattis will never get that chance. He will never be whole again. Which, sure, is a rather terrifying take on grief, but also not an untrue one. Grief will lessen over time, but the loss will still be there.

And this isn't me doing some sort of complex linguistic analysis — I don't have to. Because it's all there. It's so simple yet so effective. And yet, somehow, no one had really thought to use the word "fattas" to describe grief before. Because it's just a simple and mundane word we use for entirely different things, not big, painful emotions, right? Except Astrid Lindgren did. And while she no doubt did so to make it easier for children to grasp the concept — since most kids can relate to the feeling of losing something in the context of "fattas," which is much more direct and real than the elusive emotion of "saknar" — it also changes how an adult can view grief and loss.

Not even "I lost him" can fully encompass the absolute BRUTALITY of the grief found in the sentence "Han fattas mig."

And that is why I give fewer and fewer fucks about the rules. Now, obviously, I doubt I'll ever come up with something as brilliant as this sentence (it honestly rocks me to my core sometimes) BUT it's worth trying. It's worth being creative and experiment with the words you know and in what order you place them. Just maybe, you'll end up with something really cool. That's not to say you should ignore any and all rules, but it's okay to play around. It's okay to do the unexpected.

I think it's important to remember that. Writing is creative. We write to express things — to find ways to describe and explain complex emotions, grand adventures, and sweeping love stories. It connect us and gives us a way to share our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. And, sometimes, the set boundaries won't be enough. Sometimes, we might just need someone to look at how we describe grief and go: "I can make it simpler and, at the same time, so much more painful."

And it doesn't always have to be complex. It doesn't have to be difficult words and purple prose. Sometimes, all you need is three words so easy that a child can understand them and, somehow, you will describe a sense of loss so deep and so fundamental to that character that you KNOW that they will never be the same ever again.

So experiment. Be bold. And, above all else, have fun.

And, one final heart-wrenching fact to wrap this all up: The actor who played Skalle-Per — Allan Edwall — was in almost ALL of the movies/shows based on Astrid Lindgren's books. He played different roles, of course, but he was a staple — synonymous with her works. And, when the actor died back in 1997, Astrid Lindgren was asked how she was handling the loss and her reply was the same as Mattis’s:

"Han fattas mig."

[cienie-isengardu]

I feel like a lot of Kuai's clothes were just Bi-Han's hand-me-downs when Bi-Han got too big and they just threw it at Kuai since Kuai would be growing into it.

Not all of them were but I imagine a good portion of his clothes used to be Bi-Han's, especially before puberty.

I feel that will depend a lot on the timeline, socio-economic situation of Lin Kuei and how big the age gap is between brothers. 

For example, if in the new timeline Sub-Zero and Scorpion’s family is treated like a true Royals, then Kuai Liang as the second-in-line to the “throne”  is less likely to wear hand-down clothes, unless the cloth has traditional importance, like it happens with some items passed down from one generation to another. And that could be as much about Grandmaster and his wife’s wish to give only the best to their sons as much as a matter of prestige and upholding their social status. 

However, if despite the importance of the Grandmaster's role in leading the clan, Lin Kuei is in fact a large family unit first and foremost, with close personal bonds, I can see the clothes being handed down as a common practice - especially if the clan resources are limited. I mean, we hardly have any idea what Lin Kuei economy is based on in time of peace and there is something to say about Sub-Zero’s delight about spoils of war to which Scorpion did not disagree with the sole idea of spoils, only that they must first win the war.

Like, is Lin Kuei big enough to be a whole nation, with its industry, farming, cities and trade or do they live in isolated, self -sufficient society hidden from everyone else? Because to make clothes in the traditional way, you need specialized workers to hand -woven material in the first place, which takes time and a lot of hard work. The Lin Kuei brothers’ uniforms were most likely individually tailored which makes sense, as they are Grandmaster’s sons but also grown up and skilled men that worked hard to to be recognized as the warriors of the clan, but back in the time when they were children? It would be easier to store Bi-Han’s clothes until younger brothers grow up enough to wear them than to lose the limited material resources, as Kuai and presumably Tomas would outgrow the new clothes in a few months.

(Also, I’m speaking here from my family experiences, in which the clothes for babies and children were passed down between so many people over the course of years. So I’m here for Lin Kuei being the close-knit family that doesn’t mind hand down clothes between all the children as a way of supporting each other and providing the needed items. If Grandmaster’s family is a bigger unit, Bi-Han too could wear the hand down clothes before he grew up enough to get his own sets.)

Additionally, if Bi-Han and Kuai Liang (and Tomas) were close in age, the passing down of clothes feels natural and sensible. However if Bi-Han is older than 6-10 years or more, I don’t think his parents would store his baby/childhood clothes to collect dust and take up space in the closet, unless they planned to have another child at some point. 

As for the previous timelines, I think the situation is more complicated, because both Kuai Liang and Bi-Han were children forced into Lin Kuei. And a clan that kidnapped children to turn them into killers doesn’t sound like someone who would care what Bi-Han and Kuai Liang wished to wear or after whom they got their clothes.

The clan definitely provided its adepts with the necessary daily life items, but there is a question how much any of them actually owned anything? If adepts got the second-handed clothes and things were passed down between all children, both Kuai Liang and Bi-Han had a small chance to be given a choice what is given to them (unless the original timeline!father had a say in that regard). Could Bi-Han keep his old clothes, as in, have a place to store them for Kuai Liang when he was big enough to wear it? Could he even hand down his clothes in the first place, or would the clan treat it as mandatory equipment and "losing" anything were punished? I feel that in both original and alternative timelines none of the boys have a control over the clothes provided them by clan and if Lin Kuei practiced passing down clothes from one adept to another, as a cheaper and more pragmatic way in regard to fast growing up children, Kuai Liang may not necessary getting old Bi-Han’s clothes.

​

[rtrixie]

So what's your opinion of the new 'far right' party in Germany called 'Union of Values' started by somebody who sounds like a card-carrying member of the ultra-moderate CDU.

It’s something like the third or fourth party that has tried to establish itself in between CDU and AfD (albeit the first that wasn’t founded by disgruntled ex-AfD people who felt the party went too far right for their sensibilities), all of the previous ones disappeared straight into obscurity.

Werteunion used to be a group of conservatives in the CDU, which stuck around for years and years even after Merkel opened the borders and the CDU made it clear time and time again that they’re no longer welcome - these people have no political instinct whatsoever.

Party leader is Hans-Georg Maaßen, who used to be the head of Germanys political intelligence that among other things designated the identitarians as extremists, and another big figurehead (supposedly, it’s unclear what position he actually intends to hold), is Markus Krall, who habitually mistakes Twitter likes for real world political support for libertarianism.

This whole thing is the definition of politically useless when we have a real right with the AfD, but at least they are open to cooperating with them.

I don’t see it becoming relevant, even less so when their target demographic tends to vote Freie Wähler (essentially a provincial boomer party for people who don’t want wind turbines in their neighborhood that’s part of Bavaria’s governing coalition and at 2-3% in many other states).

Also AfD is steady in the polls despite the Wagenknecht party and recent “scandals”, so their support is less volatile than it was assumed for the longest time, and so the potential to poach voters from them should be rather limited as well.

[adragonsfriend]

Stars & Wars: Star Wars is Jane Austen, Actually

I have only read three of Jane Austen's books so there are lots of repitions and I may be missing some comparisons, but:

Anakin is Willoughby and/or Marrianne Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility) and/or Lydia Bennett (Pride & Prejudice)—Indecisive, generally good-hearted, stuck in his feelings, often disregards older sibling’s advice, dooms himself to a bad relationship because of his attachments, literally cannot get his priorities straight, constantly going through it

Obi-Wan is Elinor Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility)—Sensible, loves younger sibling a lot, knows what acting good looks like and does it pretty much all the time, tries to teach this to younger sibling, perhaps a touch repressed about own feelings, secretly always going through it

Padme is Marrianne Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility)—good hearted and very capable of good sense, a little stuck in her feelings, will realise a little late that her romantic partner has issues

Qui-gon is Mr. Bennet (Pride & Prejudice) and/or Mrs. Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility)—okay parent, cares a lot about the kids, missing lots of important things going on with the kids, often models bad habits for the kids

Beru Whitesun and Owen Lars are Mr. & Mrs. Gardiner (Elizabeth’s aunt and uncle) (Pride & Prejudice)—good hearted, competent people, care a lot about the kid, good life partners who are well matched and love each other

Bail and Breda Organa are also Mr. & Mrs. Gardiner (Elizabeth’s Aunt and uncle) (Pride & Prejudice)—good hearted, competent people, care a lot about the kid, good life partners who are well matched and love each other

Palpatine is Mr. Wickham (Pride & Prejudice)—pushes young vulnerable person to distrust and lie to the people who care about them and to make reckless decisions, in it for personal gain, incredible actor, ultimately liked by no one hated by everyone

Luke is Emma Woodhouse (Emma)—bored kid makes problems for local community through attempted enrichment activities, ultimately figures themself out through a combination of fuck around and find out and guidance from elders, ultimately competent and good hearted

Leia is Elinor Dashwood or Elizabeth Bennett (Pride & Prejudice)?—(not sure of this one), very cool, able to put her personal feelings aside, maybe a touch repressed, still grieving, very sensible and good hearted, willing to argue an/or insult at anytime

Han is Mr. Darcy and/or Mr. Bingley (Pride & Prejudice)—thinks he is above the rest of these fakers, is actually an extremely loyal friend and a bit of a simp, thinks leaving people he cares about is a good idea, comes back

C-3P0 is Mary Bennett (Pride & Prejudice)—likes rules, would prefer if everyone followed the rules, would like to have one single friend who could follow the rules.

R2-D2 is Kitty Bennett (Pride & Prejudice)—likes causing chaos, has a friend who is much worse, somehow always gets (follows friend) into situations

Yoda is Mr. Woodhouse (Emma’s father) (Emma)—eccentric old man with health issues, cares a lot about the kid, kid cares a lot about them, tries to give kid advice but is not listened to, turns out to have been right about several things

Mace Windu is Elinor Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility) and/or Charlotte Lucas (Pride & Prejudice)—very competent, working very hard within the system they are given, people ignore that they have feelings, all of their friends are more chaotic than them not because they wouldn’t like to also be chaotic sometimes but because someone has to be sensible around here

[flightfoot]

I'm going to play devil's advocate and say two controversial statements: people are unfair to the Miraculous Order and they weren't entirely wrong.

The order in general and Fu and Su Han as its only representatives are treated in a generally unfair manner, I am convinced that this has to do with the mentality that any institution is by nature corrupt, wrong, and must be destroyed.

Kwamis are dangerous, they are essentially little chaotic gods that can cause chaos and destruction if they get out of control. Plagg literally wiped out the dinosaurs. Plagg can cause an extinction for shits and giggles. And the rest are no less dangerous. Tikki being one of the most sensible we saw her lose control over a piece of candy. All the Kwamis become unruly during the chapter that they can see Master Fu again but that is especially noticeable with Wayzz because he normally appeared calm and serene. Fu destroyed the order due to misuse of the Miraculous.

Miraculous being restricted and having safety features is, in the first instance, a good thing in general. That doesn't mean that they, as sentient creatures, don't deserve better. Marinette's treatment of them is better and correct, but the security features and restrictions were not something bad or illogical nor do they indicate that the order was hungry for power. Both Fu and Su Han point out that they are supposed to be used for the benefit of humanity at large and we see the opposite with the alternate world.

And seeing the consequences of the others Marinette and Adrien and that Gabriel literally lost his sanity in a visible way, I think we can also say that his rules and others features like age restriction are GOOD.

Did they need to change? Yes, of course they did. But somehow the benefit that is given to other characters never seems to be given to the Order.

Fu was a child, he should never have been hungry, especially not as part of his practices and trainings . It was also very common at that time. The two facts are not mutually exclusive, nor was it done with malice.It also seems to be omitted that they SAVED Fu. I remember he saying that they pushed him with the grimoire and the Miraculous box and instead of looking for some explanation that was at least charitable It is ignored and only talked about how evil they were and how that incident shows that they were rotten.

The way Su Han is treated also omits that as an adult he is doomed to be useless. Fans looking for psychological explanations to talk about how horrible the order is don't like to talk about how they appeared several centuries later in an unknown world that had moved on without them and how disorienting and terrifying that must have been.

The part about not wanting to move forward and being morally superior has also been proven to be a lie. The guardian who appears at the end of the NY special smiles when he is offered the chance to work together, Su Han always ends up giving in to what Marinette wants and agreeing with her that her method is better (even when I think he was the one who was right about knowing CN's identity) and has currently trained Luka and spent time with him. If anyone is a moral center and someone who adapts well it is him.

We don't really have that much information on them, but most of the headcanos analysis, and theory doesn't even use what we actually have because they start from the idea that they're some kind of secret bad guys.

I'm not gonna argue that the age restrictions are a problem, I do agree that given what we've seen happen when those are lifted prematurely, it's best to have them in place.

I don't know about the Order being "secret bad guys" exactly, but they ARE sketchy.

While getting Fu to take the miracle box and grimoire and seemingly buying time for him to escape is good, it doesn't mean that the Order is all that great. They're not EVIL, and they at least believe themselves to be good, but have a very flawed way of going about it.

The negative perception of Su Han isn't just because of how he's treated Marinette (and I'm actually kind of annoyed at how easily he folds to he whenever pressed), it's also the way he treated Fu. It's messed up that he, as an adult, seemingly regularly mocked Fu, a then-12-year-old, with the insult "chicken-legs".

They're not villains, and they're not wrong about the Miraculous being dangerous, but they haven't handled the responsibility they've declared for themselves very well.

[ambeauty]

13 books to get to know me better

Tagged by my sister @jonskory

1. To All The Boys I Loved Before (Series) by Jenny Han- I read after I watched the first movie and completely fell in love. It made my heart flutter in the best way. The books are of course so much better!

2. Legendborn by Tracy Deonn - the first time I ever felt completely represented in a fantasy series. I was blown away with how Tracy tied in Black American culture/history/folklore into an Arthurian tale. Pretty masterful

3. New Camelot Series by Sierra Simone - I love poly ships and these 3 were so magnetic and passionate! Hated the age gap but it made up for it in plot. The twist you never see coming 😭

4. Queen Move by Kennedy Ryan - a beautiful story with childhood friends to lovers with actual adult characters with real life traumas and history that was relatable and sexy!

5. Sinner by Sierra Simone - Shocking but in the best way! Idk what else to say. Read it and prepare to have your jaw dropped.

6. Wolf by Wolf by Ryan Gaudin - Never did I ever think a historical fiction would have me in a grip like this! This story is so good! The sci-fi, the enemies to lovers, the action! It’s all there 😮‍💨

7. Tiny Pretty Things by Dhonielle Clayton - I loved the tension and the stakes of this one! Netflix show butchered tf out of this book it was soo good.

8. An American Marriage by Tayari Jones - This book was intense! But the drama had me by the neck! So many different emotions while reading this. Mildly traumatic but for the most part just beautiful story telling.

9. The Coldest Winter Ever by Sista Soujah - should’ve never been reading this smut at the age I read but it was a wild story with even wilder scenes. The sequel that came out decades later pissed me off because the plot of this was actually good.

10. One of us is Lying by Karen McManus- Good mystery and great ships! Loved the twists and turns and the slow burn ship at the center. Book 2 is not as good.

11. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell - Love everything about this HP inspired wizard romance! Books 1&2 are it… idk what happened with 3!

12. Burn for Burn by Jenny Han - This series was not what I was expecting but it was so interesting and well told with the usual JH sensibilities

13. Permanent Record by Mary Choi - Hardly ever have a plot where the fmc is the star! This was so fun and poetic.

Tagging whoever wants to partake 🥰

[jadeddays]

Shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals. ♥

emopop song about feeling like an alien on earth because of your depressive tendencies?? in kpop no less?? Okay but firstly, my emo girl sensibilities just Enjoy it but I also ascertain that had he not been born too late (he's baby, only 23 and this song is 3 yrs old) I think Han would have been SUCH a hit with sad girls on myspace in 2008 like he's truly Babygirl....

I also hate to admit it. I also should just forget. my favourite thing about this, other than it being relatable for sad girl trust issue reasons, is certainly the fact he wrote it after one member left the group which 👀 but also bc he was literally so scorched earth about erasing the guy he had his group go back and re-record a bunch of their songs without the member who left, which isnt that common in kpop so like you know it was personal.... and for good reason! the member who left with no notice was accused of meeting up with fans and being. Let's say Creepy. so he really did betray his trust.... there's some tea for you, since you have been doing your posts about the metal scene 😇

GO ON AND CLOSE. THE CURTAINS. I dont know why this song has always had a grip on me but it just does- also! very majimako to me!

Dido!!!!!!!!!!! I have loved dido since I was a kid, I had 2 of her albums and i literally listened to them so much that they were scratched beyond repair- and then i bought them again. i feel like barely anyone remembers her outside Eminem putting the sample of her in his song Stan but I think she has this really nice, calm feeling to her music. I do always remember amy winehouse saying she made funeral music though, which was mean, but funny. I love this song, though- great break up song thats actually about reclaiming yourself, so I love the vibe.

Yeah this is the song where screaming cowboy meme came from and also the guy from that meme is australias equivalent of bruce springsteen. But the song is silly and fun! good for at least one listen to see where the meme came from lmao it's also about inclusivity lmao

thanks for the ask!!!!

[germanpostwarmodern]

With some 200 individual church designs Hans Schilling (1921-2009) was one of the most productive church architects in postwar Germany. Born and raised in Cologne Schilling spent most of his life in the cathedral city and contributed a number of high profile buildings to the architectural face of it: the church Neu St. Alban, the Maternushaus and the Neumarktpassage are only three examples of Schilling’s extensive architectural work that went well beyond religious architecture. The beginning of his career is closely related to another crucial figure of Cologne’s architecture, namely Karl Band whose office Schilling entered as a draftsman apprentice at the age of 16. After WWII and before going independent in 1955 Schilling soon became Band’s office supervisor and was closely involved in the reconstruction of the Gürzenich alongside his principal and Rudolf Schwarz. With both architects Schilling later shared a decided objectivity and sensibility to context that lended his buildings a great naturalness within the grown context of an old city structure.

In 2001 Schilling published a very personal retrospective of his oeuvre that he explicitly dedicated to his children and grandchildren: simply titled „Hans Schilling. Architektur 1945-2000“ it collects a large number of projects, chronologically structured along typologies and briefly annotated with statements by the architect. Prominently featured are of course his many churches: in this context the previously mentioned Neu St. Alban takes on a key role as it served as model for later churches, a kind of architectural matrix that actually enabled Schilling to design the massive number of churches he ultimately realized. Each typological chapter is introduced by a reflective essay in which the architects reflects on his architectural developments, ideas and difficulties. In this way the book takes on the character of a legacy, honest but also proud of what has been achieved.

[hauseofhauhaudidyougethere]

Sick Days and Pillow Forts (Zhao x Reader x Joon-gi Han)

It’s a slow Wednesday evening as it usually is at Survive. Manning the counter alone isn’t a hassle when Ichiban and the gang are taking up the karaoke machine and more focused on cheering than ordering food and drink. Paying to sing at the machine still costs money so it’s not like those kinds of customers would get under the Boss’s skin. Polishing glasses behind the counter you take notice of the fact that Joon-gi doesn’t cheer. He seems to enjoy listening but you don’t dare try to seem like you’re staring just to get a view of his expressions alone.  Shockingly, in recollection you realize you’ve never actually seen him sing. The songs available would be updated every so often and it wasn’t like there was a hurting for choices. Although, most people only seemed to stick to a couple. The amount of times Bakamitai had been sung in the bar alone could have made for a pretty solid cover album. Presently unclear who would actually think recordings of their own singing would be worth paying for. Back when money was tighter though Ichiban had been seen busking with a loaned guitar from the man that ran Ebisu Pawn.  If you helped out the locals, it wasn’t difficult to get a few friends and some return favors for helping them in their times of need. Eventually, everyone was bound to order something to drink at some time so you were standing on call.

Filling up glasses of tea, soda, and warm milk (okay Nanba?) you swing from behind the counter and bring everyone’s orders to them at the booths. Ichiban wanted Coca-Cola, Adachi ordered sweetened tea, Nanba wanted milk. Being able to order milk at a bar is an unusual choice but honestly there really is no rules for the regulars, if it’s something that can be provided reasonably it will be. Not to mention that milk for tea was a sensible enough pairing that if someone wanted to swing in at lunchtime then the atmosphere was cozy enough to sit down and enjoy a sandwich with a relaxing glass of milky rose hip tea. Zhao and Joon-gi were sat at the booth behind them.  The open seat next to Ichiban was for Saeko who was currently up at the jukebox belting out to Harukaze. It almost seemed like the group had assigned seats even if the seating was a force of habit, you felt there was some conscious effort from Adachi and Nanba to try and give Ichiban an open seat next to Saeko when it was available. Zhao and Joon-gi being two late additions to the party meant that they were either able to sit up at the actual bar counter, take up the other booth, or sit at the tables meant for two. They didn’t always sit together as there would be times Joon-gi seemed to want to sit in silence unless the conversations being had required his involvement. Zhao couldn’t care any less than he already did about what the others thought of him but he respected that maybe two dudes sitting together at a table expressly meant for two would not be an opportunity for light ribbing from someone. The booths though were  a different story and so Joon-gi eventually came to spending more time sitting with Zhao at Survive even if they still didn’t speak to one another often as Zhao attempted to open him up more. Being in Ichiban’s crew was a time which allowed for the most personal growth and character development Joon-gi has ever had since the original Han passed away. Taking his place at Stardust as a host left him actively playing the role of the original Han and there wasn’t room for deviation in his mind. It didn’t help matters than Joon-gi or rather Yeonsu – the man underneath was a perfectionist.

Yeonsu Kim no longer existed when the body double for Joon-gi Han was born. There would be times where he wondered what life would be like under different circumstances but admiring the real Joon-gi Han and becoming his understudy was what gave his life meaning. If there was no real Joon-gi Han and the boy – Yeonsu Kim was dead, nothing existed underneath. He was nothing. Becoming a puppet in a sea of faces – imitating what once was and carrying out the wills of Seonhee for the Geomijul was what gave him a newfound reason to live once the original had passed on and there was no room for any desire or trace of vengeance to form since the killer too had already died in Onomichi.  What a failure to be someone’s body double and not even be able to carry the honor vengeance could give. Seonhee was as admirable as the real Joon-gi-han. She was still distant and cold but in all the years he spent working under her, the two were in a way like siblings. Neither would ever voice these feelings to the other but he was almost sure he seen a look of fear on her face when she found him struggling underneath a 45kg barbell during one of his training sessions back when he was still a weaker man and recovering from the shock that Joon-gi’s killing left him in. Her touch as she rubbed various pain-relieving ointments and bruising treatments on his skin made him feel like he was still a child being looked after.  When she told him to never put himself in danger like that again during his training sessions all he could do was nod and murmur “Yes. Seonhee.”

Those rare moments of warmth and touch were ones that never became called back upon. The real Joon-gi Han would never find himself in such a position. The real Joon-gi Han would never need someone else to take care of him.  Seonhee’s own past was something that was hardly discussed but for her to take power and reign as the head of the Geomijul with Joon-gi being about as open as a face of an underworld organization could be without opening Seonhee up to unnecessary danger – she had to be strong in her own right. Being a woman in a criminal organization and in a role of leadership, no less put her in a unique position than other bosses. She could carry herself in a fight but for appearances’ sake she had to always remain composed and always had to convey an air of allure, mystery, and intrigue. Her charms could grease palms without the exchange of money if there was a potential for something “more”.  Having a bodyguard with her – a strong man as beautiful as Joon-gi Han was a status symbol in itself. She was not one to be messed with and having him around only added to her allure over weaker and lesser men. The real Joon-gi Han would never concern himself in such a way with women but for all intents and purposes – the current Joon-Gi Han would not exist without Seonhee. His debts to the original felt like they doubled up and passed into her hands. If the Geomijul was his place to exist on from until the end of their time or his life – then so be it. Seonhee secretly hoped that being able to operate outside of the organization would allow him to come back into his own self a little bit even if he had to be Joon-gi Han to the rest of the world.

Yeonsu didn’t want to be Yeonsu Kim. Yeonsu Kim was poor and weak. Yeonsu Kim would never be enough. Joon-gi Han was the opposite of that.  He had everything he didn’t and everything he at the time wished he could be. Hanging around Ichiban and becoming closer with Tianyou Zhao was making him long just a bit for a different life. One where he could hang around with friends and not have to think as much as he had to be as of late about how the real Joon-gi Han would do things. Killing bodies and hiding the corpses was easier. Gaining romantic feelings for Zhao and repressing them down until private discussions with Zhao opened up the possibility of there being an unconventional romantic structure between you, him, and Tianyou. He began to care for your warmth and your general ease with him and the others. You didn’t see him just for his looks and something about you made him want to let you in.  If there was ever a doorkicker to his heart, Zhao and you were already there busting down the hinges.  Entering into a romantic relationship was not something on his bucket list but since that one fateful night where both him and Zhao wound up confessing their feelings only solidified that he felt romantic love and he would just have to explore the uncharted waters with both of you. Zhao seemed like he had the most experience and he let him lead the way but at the very least he knew his time at host gave him an idea of what all the right things to say could be. He had scripts upon scripts of lines to use on customers but they all seemed to be nowhere whenever he actually wanted to impress either of you. How either of you found him charming was a mystery if it wasn’t for his face and body – if it was just that then things would be different. He wouldn’t’ be having nights falling asleep in your room above the bar with you and Zhao splayed over his body like kittens just to sleep the night away before you would send them off on their getaway jumping off the roof. It was its own ritual even on days where the Boss would be coming in late and they likely wouldn’t run into him if they left like normal people. The possibility remained of course but it could likely be explained away without suspicion if it didn’t seem like they were coming down from your room having spent the night in the same clothes. Well, at least Joon-gi’s trademark black rain jacket made it easier. Zhao would stick out with the same shirt but if he zipped up his jacket he might be able to get away with it.  Were the three of you acting like shitty teenagers in love? Joon-gi didn’t have enough of a knowledge of rom-coms to really say. Zhao took it in stride though.  “It is what it is”

“Call it making up for lost time Han-chan~” – the phrase that lived rent-free in his mind. It would be repeated often enough that he could hear it even when he was alone. It made him feel easier about trying new things that the real Joon-gi Han probably already had or what others with more normal developments would have went through. None of you of course had a “normal” development. Zhao was maybe the closest one but even then he was brought up and groomed to be the successor of the Yokohama Liumang. He never knew his father at his prime but Zhao didn’t seem to have too much good to say about him. Zhao’s father died of old age and the torch had to be passed – that was just how things were meant to be. Handing control over to Seonhee was a relief for Zhao – he didn’t seem to have the heart in him to be ruthless and lead like his father did.  Maybe having too much heart would be the better phrase. It wouldn’t be Zhao’s downfall though and if there was ever a time that could be so – Joon-gi Han of today would handle it. If anyone so much as seemed to have it out for you and Zhao – they would be dead before the word “Go” could be uttered. The body would be unrecognizable if it were to ever be discovered. The traces of such an existence should be burned and scattered like ashes – family or not.

“Hey, hey [Reader]-kun you’ve been watching us sing why don’t you take space at the mic?” he asked as you sat down his bottle of Asahi Dry and Joon-gi’s glass of unsweet tea with a few slices of extra lemon. You didn’t think anything of the lemon slices but it wasn’t often that he really seemed interested in having lemon slices with his tea. Zhao’s voice made Joon-gi turn his attention away from his thoughts that were beginning to become of the murderous variety. Was it showing on his countenance? Hopefully not.

“[Reader] singing? Can’t be any worse than the gal on the mic right nowww-OW” Adachi quipped – Ichiban stepping on his shoe

“Oh, come on like you’re any better than the rest of us.” Nanba was often the straight man in what could only be dubbed the Stoplight manzai comedy trio. Ichiban’s suit made him the red light, Nanba’s green jacket of course made him the green light. Adachi didn’t quite fit the mold but it wasn’t often you seen them without the others. If they were – that meant the missing ones had to be somewhere not too far behind. He used to be a traffic cop or something so technically it still works.

“The more the merrier! We’ll all be cheering you on!” Ichiban would probably cheer on the worst singer in the world so it wasn’t like you had anything to lose.

You chuckled and as Saeko finished up – she tossed the mic to you as you made your way over to the karaoke machine. You really hadn’t sung in front of people in a long while, the last time you did karaoke was after recalibrating its settings when it updated while the Boss was cleaning the bar. If he didn’t seem to be wincing at your voice, you would probably be in the clear. Taking a deep breath and debating whether to go for a random song or an old favorite you settle on going for one of the newer songs added in the latest update.

“Alrighty! Tonight I will be singing, one of the newest additions to our beloved karaoke machine – Honolulu City Lights – please remain seated and keep away any mobile recording devices” – imitating the messages often heard before concert performances – not that those in the crowd would listen but you didn’t exactly want any of your friends to record you singing either. There was a strong enough trust you believed that they wouldn’t anyways but joking around before you had to actually start the song kept the air light. Of course, Zhao and Joon-gi actually put their phones face down and both had the same idea of recording it as a voice memo just to keep the memory; even if the audio quality would be terrible it was worth a shot.

****

The song was the one you tested the machine on before so you already knew the words. It was a catchy song and it was a bit refreshing to have some song that wasn’t about a place like Kamurocho. Not that there was anything wrong with the city – you’ve been there before and owe a lot to it considering the people you got to meet. Boss being one but that was a longer-gone story from being a younger wanderer. If someone had a song about your literal home-town that was any good and one that would actually be in the karaoke machine – hell probably would have frozen over first.

The crowd was going wild – everyone listened intently and it was clear you were doing just fine up on the stage. What a relief! Of course, you still noticed Joon-gi-han wasn’t cheering but he seemed to be moving along with the melody. It would be unusual if he was just cheering for you in particular maybe? It wasn’t like anyone else knew the three of you were dating. They would just have to find out on their own time. Of course, it had come up in discussions before but no one was really sure how to break the news if it even needed to be. Zhao was always down for going with the flow but he didn’t mind with going with whatever would result in the funniest option. He was well-aware there was murmurs of him and Joon-gi being a thing and of course he played into that jokingly with there still being enough deniability to keep everyone on their toes. His feelings would be an enigma. Friends or something more, who’s to say? He would nickname everyone even worse than what Ichiban’s natural propensity was and it would be rare for him to say your name without adding a “-kun” or “-chan” to it.  They would be swapped up on whatever he thought sounded better for the day pretty much. Not everyone was on a first-name basis when it came to speaking to one another whether out of habit or whatever hierarchy existed. Some peoples’ last names just flowed better. Of course, Zhao was perfectly comfortable being referred to as Zhao, getting Joon-gi to stop calling him “Zhao-san” was a load of effort on its own that getting Joon-gi to call him Tianyou in private was an easier switch to flip.  If Joon-gi could do anything, he could compartmentalize his actions better when things were separated out. Joon-gi could be Yeonsu in private but there was still respect in the fact that he still was the most comfortable with being Joon-gi Han. Not that he didn’t like hearing his own name, it was just a complicated situation and if he still had to face the public as Joon-gi Han – then there was nothing wrong with sporting two names.

“Go go [name]!” Everyone but Joon-gi was calling. You were on fire! Finishing out the song, the result machine displayed a perfect “100”. Taking your place up on the leaderboard above a “Baleful Tom” and a “Json” they could go kick rocks. You were the king of the machine. Slightly out of breath you bowed and Ichiban patted you on the shoulder as you started to swing by the booths to collect empty glasses. It was about closing time so any refills would be the last if anyone wanted to hang around longer. “Great job [Name] why don’t you make a band with us?” Ichiban jokes circling Adachi and Nanba

“They have pipes but I don’t think anyone wants to put money on a couple of old geezers like us”

“Oh? Suit yourself, maybe I would be an idol if someone wanted to put money down on it”

“Yeah right, do you have it in you Nanba? They’re going to sing with me. They could show the girls at my club a thing or two about how it’s done”  Saeko joked but it seemed like just maybe she was crushing some dreams here. Poor Nanba. You laugh “Maybe maybe. I don’t think I should be taking any gigs anytime soon.” – Saeko sighs but laughs and gathers her things in her purse to get ready to go.

“Thank you for having us anyways, I have to speak to some new hires bright and early tomorrow before I can do anything else so I need to start heading home” you nod as she leaves money for her drinks and Ichiban sets down money for his seeming to follow her to the door.

“Look at Ichi go, think he’s going to manage to walk her home this time?” Nanba asks turning towards Adachi

“Beats me, I wouldn’t count on it but maybe he’ll be lucky enough. He gets like a lovesick puppy sometimes”

Ohh? This development is a bit new to you but you can see it. It’s not like Ichiban is ever seen hanging out often with anyone who isn’t from the crew. Would you bet on him landing a girl though? Probably not.  He had his heart in the right place but being naïve can only get you so far. Although, maybe you weren’t one to talk.

“Any bets you want to put down [name]?”

“I would rather stick out of this one, you can’t get out of your tab that easy Adachi-san” he sighs “Nothin’ slips past you does it” cracking open his wallet he puts down enough yen to cover all of the drinks he ordered this week.

“Really is money that tight for you? I would have thought you were doing better what with all the errands you’ve been running” Nanba asks – he does have a point though – still going on “adventures” and getting up in stomping out old wannabe yakuza that claimed to be for Bleach Japan managed to result in some money flow. They weren’t the only ones as some services included rescuing lost stolen pets and setting con-artists straight. Getting into fights wasn’t exactly lucrative but it did result in pocket money. Maybe Adachi and Nanba just didn’t have the kind of experience you did when going outside.  Getting into fights with hooligans and ruffians though was more of an experience that was associated with you and Ichiban for better or for worse: punchable faces? Not reserved enough to be quiet if someone else is being shaken down? Unlucky enough to come across such instances perhaps.”

“Can it, four eyes. Alimony doesn’t pay itself” Nanba rolls his eyes but chuckles “Yeah, yeah, I’ll do you a favor and cover a cab if you need it to get home” – the two head out of the bar leaving just you, Zhao, and Joon-gi Han.

“Aww look at our own Angel-chan, a voice from the heavens!” – Zhao stands to put an arm around you and brings you closer to him in a side-hug and pulls out his phone – turning you in the direction of Joon-gi who is smirking as he goes to snap a group photo. He manages to set it on a quick timer just enough that the shot comes out good enough while still holding the phone and putting a peace sign behind your head.

“I wouldn’t sell yourself short Tian-tian” you joke back – he had a distinctive singing voice that was very nice to listen to. Even if he only seemed to go for Hell’s Stew, the song was fitting for him. “Too bad we’ve yet to hear our resident thief of hearts sing for us haven’t we?” you say looking at Joon-gi Han who flushes and averts his eyes away.

“My voice isn’t particularly anything to write home about” – you and Zhao would have pushed him more if his voice didn’t seem to be hoarse and slightly creaky. Something was up and no one was sure what.  Tonight, would not be the night you two would get him to sing but he wouldn’t get off scott free. The karaoke machine calls for new singers all the time. Well, not really but it’s funny to imagine it blowing up on the poor souls who do bad enough to score less than a 10. The lowest you had ever seen personally was in the 70’s so the reality seemed implausible but if you’ve never seen it happen – you can’t be wrong for imagining it.

“Cat got your tongue Han-chan? Maybe you need a warm cup of tea?” Zhao is taking up the role of a concerned detective. You take Zhao’s empty beer can and basketball throw it into the trash can with a small air cheer. Carefully taking the remaining glass you go back behind the counter and begin to warm up some of the tea from earlier so it’s hot and get out both honey and lemon to add to it.

“The kettle needs some time to heat but it shouldn’t take no longer than 10 minutes to get ready – do you two want to go sit upstairs while I close up shop?”

“That would be perfect babe” – Zhao’s affinity with calling both of you babe was unreal. It was probably up there in the shortlist of top 3 pet-names. It wasn’t you or Joon-gi really seemed fond of but neither could say you minded. He gets to be the holder of the special “babe” pass. Joon-gi could have it too – but he was more of a “love” guy. Maybe even “sweetheart” and “honey”? If he spoke of love and affection it was usually in a more serious sense as he would always take the long way to try and express how he felt when words were to be used. Hell, even you sometimes had to pull a dictionary just because you could understand the sentiment but not the language he was using. Zhao would laugh and have to explain it in simpler words or get Joon-gi to restate what he said – which while embarrassing was a favorite goldmine for him. Trading words of love and affection in different languages was a learning experience for everyone and it made you not feel like the odd one out for the occasional communication difficulties. Getting you in on watching Japanese romantic dramas and comedies could be one way Zhao also ropes Joon-gi in on whatever he missed from the world of cinema. He would’ve thought being a host meant staying up on pop culture but that was only a half-truth. Trying to be a keen listener for customers and directing them to talk about their own lives was a cheat-code for actual conversation that required you to be a person.

Joon-gi attempts to get up from the booth but his movements are a little slow and shaky. Both you and Zhao already know he needs to get some rest but for the moment Zhao escorting him upstairs with a supportive hand behind his back is the best option available. If sleeping in your room is an option, then at the very least there’s a chance he’ll be well enough to get a cab home alone or walk with Zhao next to him if it’s late in the night. Joon-gi has a room at Geomijul’s encampment but to get there is already a bit of a winding labyrinth in itself surprisingly enough. Zhao wouldn’t mind walking all the way through if Joon-gi was well enough to fully support himself but he knew that showing up with a Joon-gi that couldn’t hold his head straight up seemed like a one-way ticket to an interrogation session with Seonhee. Zhao may not care about what everyone else thinks but she and Boss are pretty much the exceptions to the rule. Even if the issues were little and surely everyone is under the weather from time to time, if trouble can be avoided – the easy way makes itself clear.

Finishing up warming the tea and adding all the fix-ins with a prayer that Joon-gi feels better soon you make your way upstairs.  The lights were left off when you headed down in the morning to help with shop opening duties and since everyone met up over lunch to discuss a side-quest that involved paying a visit to some third-rate family rejects that were causing trouble for residents underground. The plan was to sweep in the next day with today being a preparation day while getting anything else that could be done handled. You and Ichiban found yourselves pulling kittens from trees for 5 different old ladies. Why today was the day all the cats of Ijincho decided to get stuck in trees? Who knows. It was something to laugh over though as everyone who decided to join in on the “city patrol” got to look on in bemusement. Zhao got to laugh at the photos Joon-gi Han was snapping secretly in between preparing meals at You Tian. A bit unfortunate he couldn’t see the sight of you two scaling trees to rescue cats either but at the same time he was glad that you never fell out. Zhao probably would have been voluntold into helping himself if he was there and didn’t offer himself up as a helper in the first place. He had been called a “frightening” acrobat for his own fighting styles before.

Zhao turned on the floor lantern that had been sitting near the item box that was in the main area of the space upstairs leaving there to be some dim lighting so you could see where everything is. You had went shopping with Saeko and Eri at Don Quixote the last sale they had and wound up picking up a few packs of glow in the dark star strand lights and couldn’t resist the prices. 500 yen for three packs of string lights?  A good deal! They would flicker on in a faint green hue if there wasn’t enough light detected and would dim as light would until they eventually turned off. The star lights shined from your room enough that you could see more than just what the darkening night allowed for as the moon took on its duties. The two men are sat on the floor with Zhao by the floor lantern and Joon-gi plopped down in front of him leaning against the wall.

“Great decorating, babe. Nice touch with what you have going on here. Beats the staleness of traditional tatami and that beat-up shitty ass stove no one is ever getting rid of” Zhao has a point no one is getting rid of that stove.

“Excuse you, Stove-kun has feelings and he can hear you, you know? He’s a guardian spirit. Old but not useless”.  Joking back Zhao snickers as you set the tea on the counter and take a hand like you’re gently petting one of the coil burners.

He joins his hands in a praying clasp and begins to speak “Ohh stove of the ancients – thank you for watching over one of the loves of my life. May your burners spark forever hot but not to where they burn this place down. Save me from your wrath for speaking so lowly of the Great One”. Yep – the poor old stove has its own place in your heart now. A new running joke between the three of you would always be welcomed.

Sliding over the item box next to Joon-gi you kneel down and put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention – “Hey, this tea is for you. Drink it up slowly now.. it shouldn’t be too hot. Take these just in case too” sitting down some cold medicine pills as well. He seems to snap to attention a bit but you both watch him slowly start to sip and relax as he takes each one. It’s hard to tell if it’s painful for him to drink or not. Colds can do that sometimes. No one here was a doctor but you would probably be the most qualified for medical attention if Nanba wasn’t running medic. You could too so the two of you were always the patch-up crew. Ichiban was the supportive words guy.

It wasn’t the greatest idea to play cards or darts upstairs tonight so Zhao made the suggestion of just turning on some of his old favorite cooking documentaries. It was easy enough for you to find them and download them onto your laptop from his earlier recommendations. You picked up a mini-USB projector on one of your shopping excursions having become tired at not being able to watch things on a screen larger than your laptop. It made movie nights possible between the three of you and it also came in handy when needing to show relevant captured camera footage if the situation called for it when Ichiban and co. were forced into being ragtag detectives.  Joon-gi having finished his tea and not saying much but quiet and low apologies both of you told him were nothing to worry about – you and Zhao brought out all of the blankets you could. Making the usual spread for all three of you to lay down in the tatami bedroom you excuse yourself to step into the hallway that leads into the rooftop access. Bringing out some folding chairs you smirk “Thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Pillow forts? Wow we really are no better than children. Here hand one over babe” Zhao was quick on the uptake and he seemed just as happy with the idea as you were. He helped begin to start the set-up so it would almost be like the three of you were tented in with enough room to still not have to crane your necks too hard to watch the documentary being shown. “ I’ve never made a pillow fort.” Joon-gi says having broken his silence after being told off for apologizing earlier.

“We could figure as much babygirl, we gotta catch you up on wasted time Han-.. Kim-chan~” he corrects using Yeonsu’s real name – you think you can tell Yeonsu’s blushing just a little bit. The “babygirl” pass is another Zhao exclusive. It’s funny to use in text but if you said it out loud yourself – you would likely want to crawl in a hole after.

“No time like the present. The youth is wasted on the young or something like that” – older sayings weren’t your strong suit but you figured you knew enough to have it be used for a fitting point. No one is ever too old for experiencing the whimsies of life. Finishing the set-up – up you and Zhao made a good team. The pillow fort was more of a blanket fort but it was about as perfect as it could be. There was as tall enough as a “roof” for anyone to get up if needed during the night but there was also enough “walls” to it that it could enclose some sleepyheads. Not enough from being seen if someone were to open your sliding room door with all three of you in there but enough space. Praising Zhao for a good job that he waves off as being nothing to make his babes happy he takes his spot on the outside of the sleeping mats and cuddles up on Joon-gi’s left. You get to sleep on his right in your usual position closest to the window.  Feeling Joon-gi’s head with your palm as a means of trying to take his temperature, he doesn’t seem to be running a discernable fever – if he was you didn’t think the medicine would have acted quick enough to do anything about it.

Asking Joon-gi if he’s warm enough you are ready to grab another blanket from the storage closet behind you three but he says the warmth from you two is enough for him. This is another unusual behavior as he’s usually the man with the most blankets of them all. His lifestyle you two have theorized probably doesn’t help him in terms of thermal regulation.  Not eating enough as often as he should and pushing himself too hard weren’t conducive to self-regulating temperatures even if he was just naturally someone who got cold easy. Although, it’s still sweet in the sentiment, he has the small smile that Zhao and you would do anything to earn. If being together with him in this way is enough to earn it – co-sleeping 24/7 would be a dream.  Still trying to keep an eye on the projecting documentary ahead your head is placed a little awkwardly against his shoulder and his chest. Zhao and Joon-gi are about the same height but Zhao has enough room he can still adjust himself in a way that he can still rest against his shoulder or upper/lower torso if he tries. Being an active sleeper at times can land in him waking up with his head more on Joon-gi’s stomach but it doesn’t happen always.

****

Joon-gi can barely keep his eyes open at this point. The Joon-Gi Han – no, Yeonsu Kim is getting sick and there is nothing that can be done about it except rest. He would feel worser about it if he hadn’t had a few rare instances in which he was required to take the living one’s role while also playing nurse to him off the clock so to speak. He secretly wished for more times like those because they made him feel needed. He had the all-important job of being Joon-gi Han and then the additional job of being at his beck and call when the older man couldn’t drag himself out of bed. Those memories hadn’t come back to him in a long time. He never seemed to get sick much himself personally, but there was always a first. Vague recollections of a doting mother from his childhood were all he had – he wouldn’t have called himself a sickly child but it wasn’t like his own father would have cared after his mother passed even if he was. That span of time in his life was another part he never thought about often and would rather just block it out.  The tea one of his loves ever so carefully fixed for him made his heart grow warm. How could someone like him still be so lucky to have those two in his life? He didn’t deserve it. If he thought more on it, someone as pathetic as him might start to feel the waterworks turn on. Distracting himself from that and knowing he’s not expected to say much he takes a hand and strokes your hair. He reaches out and does the same with Zhao. “Goodnight Jagi, Jagiya” he whispers and he closes his eyes appreciating the warmth you two emanate off on him. In this moment, he is both Yeonsu Kim and Joon-gi Han. Yeonsu Kim is needed by his lovers. Joon-gi Han has lovers. The real one would never have needed them but having them doesn’t hurt him. Hell, being in an out relationship with Zhao could be it’s own convoluted “political” move if Seonhee accepted them.

 [Reader] would be a bit harder to explain but if she liked them there was maybe at least a shot in it. Having two lovely people – one for each arm is its own status symbol. You never really dressed fancy but he was sure you would be magnificent if the situation called for a fancy dinner. Not that either him and Zhao wanted to get you in on too much of what their “lines of work” entailed as you could very easily be a target yourself. Regardless of how well you thought you could carry yourself in a fight, no one was immune to a well-placed knife into the ribs and guns weren’t out of the question either.  If it just seemed like you were a “favorite” host club worker who sat in to be seen and hang over his shoulder – odds are there wouldn’t be much thought put into it but that still didn’t settle well into his soul. He would rather you be draped over his shoulder in a dinner date that didn’t require such a charade to be put on. Zhao still had his own reputation to uphold but at least with Zhao – Zhao could still go about his presence the same way Seonhee did at meetings. If Zhao wanted him to be the one draping himself over his shoulder he would in a heartbeat. Progressive times hadn’t translated the same way into the criminal underworld but taking advantage of any possible shock could be disarming enough. Zhao was known for being a wildcard who didn’t go by the conventional rules and standards anyways. Having someone disconnected from the underworld could be a source of respite when the time called for it – both would just have to be careful enough and ready to have their lives on the line to defend such a blessed dream. If he was allowed to have a wish on a shooting star out of the sky that brought the three of you together – he would wish for such a future if he couldn’t get himself out of the criminal underworld entirely. Of course, such a feat was rare to begin with when you’re as notable as the either of them but Zhao was just about as cleanly cut as he could be if he didn’t care enough about the men he left behind to leave the question open of taking up leadership once more if he were to be ready. Times can change and while the more honorable ones among the criminal underground had either faded out or been killed, some of them still remained. For all anyone knew there could be a more “ethical” way of being a criminal whatever that meant.  It wasn’t like the Geomijul went after their targets for no reason.  The Liumang also really only operated in expressing dominating control over smaller criminal groups and territory control. The cops would either look the other way or were plants. Nothing more and nothing less. Getting in on politics could open up a door for better policies and actual care for those that often operated and struggled to live within the shades of gray the world would rather forget.  Thinking harder about that is not something which is coming to Joon-gi’s mind at the moment – Seonhee would know the way if politics were to become involved.

Bringing his hands down to his sides and folding over his stomach after having enough of a fill practically in silent worship of the softness of the hair on both of your heads his hands quickly fill warmer again. The chills he felt coming on dissipate. Resting one of your hands over his, Zhao puts his closest one over top so the three of you are still connected. Yeonsu Kim could die like this. Being in love with the two of you was among the greatest things to ever happen to him.  He forgot to mention he thought those little green star lights were cute.. he’ll have to do it later.  Apologize to Zhao for not watching more of his cooking documentary, they’ll have to get [Reader] to start it over once it gets turned on again. The incoming sleep makes his body heavier.

His breathing slows into a gentle rhythm. You and Zhao are lulled by it while still wondering if anything more can be done for the man who looks the most angelic of it all beneath the two of you. Curling up on him was welcomed before and it in a way replaced the need for pillows but if he was sick, the premise still seemed like a bad idea. Joon-gi wanted both of your warmths though and it seemed like if he had any issue with it – he would at least say something out loud or even say something. Worst case scenario he could wake up during the night and have to get himself a blanket or wake someone up in an attempt to reposition himself. Neither were big deals. You sign up for having people move around in co-sleeping. At least there’s the general courtesy of not browsing on one’s respective phone out of courtesy for those who were awake or at least with a bright screen anyways. Zhao’s tinted glasses made him keep his phone on a brighter setting than both of yours. You kept yours dim to save battery but it was a mystery how Joon-gi could see his screen without any extra light with as dark as he kept it.

Having the alarm for tomorrow set, there’s really not much that can be done. The documentary provides soft background noise although you hadn’t been focused on whatever dishes the chef was trying to cook and explain the history of. Zhao already watched the documentary and he could tell you all about whatever dishes were shown and their history from his own mouth. Still trying to get settled you hear a soft whisper “Don’t worry about it babe, we’ll figure it out in the morning. Get some sleep yeah?” You have to agree with Zhao and lightly bring up some of the fingers that his hand is resting over top of as a way to show you got it. Trying to keep your eyes closed you don’t have to be looking at one another to know what facial expression the other is making. Sleep takes the both of you fairly quickly.

BEEEP BBIIBIBBIIIBEEP BIBIIIIIBEEEP – the alarm clock goes off at 8:15. Boss will likely be over between 9 and 9:30 to get ready for the day. You’re not expected to have to join as immediately as he comes in and free to act however you like – but, there’s still a better result in Zhao and Joon-gi leaving without anyone being the wiser if they leave early.  Zhao is already stirring and sliding on his glasses and rings that he took off earlier. You turn the alarm clock off – pulling yourself off Joon-gi’s still sleeping form and into a big stretch and yawn. Joon-gi usually is among the first to wake-up… it’s definitely not normal that he’s still asleep.

Zhao leans over him to press a kiss on your cheek, “Good morning babe”, “Come on lovely sleeping beauty, we gotta bounce” gently shaking Joon Gi’s shoulder and taking his fingers to drum a rhythm which you swear looks to be almost Morse Code the way he is doing short and long presses on his shoulder.  5 short taps, 2 short taps and 3 long presses, 5 long presses? Numbers? 520… an interesting pattern but that’s the least of your focus at the moment.

You join in on attempting to get Joon-gi to wake up but he’s still sleeping and only vaguely seems to be reactive to either person’s attempts. Putting your hand over his forehead you can tell he’s burning up with a fever and have Zhao check for himself.

“Well shit, our sleeping beauty loverboy is sick. Can he sleep in any longer? Would hate to have to try and put him on my back to get him home but if it’s a necessity I’ll be at your service.”

“Nonono, don’t put yourself through all that much trouble, if he’s sick – he’s sick”. Adjusting the blankets from the two of you with the pillow fort still up so Joon Gi’s form is more covered he’s not as immediately visible if someone else were to enter the room if that were to be the concern. The door to the upstairs locks from the side all of you are on but if you were to be locked out – it’s not hard to undo the lock with a pin since the knob has a hole on the other side. Doors like that are really easy to get open if you find yourself locked out once you know the trick to doing it. There was definitely a few times where you had to use it growing up.

“The two of us will just have to figure out how he can leave once he wakes up. It may not be the easiest thing in the world but I’m sure either of us will manage. Go get what you gotta get to at You Tian before everyone else is supposed to meet up for today Tian-Tian”. Your pet-name for Zhao is pretty much exclusively for you to use if Joon-gi won’t use it. Zhao finds it cute so he wouldn’t object to it, a small price of the nicknames and petnames he gets to use for you and Joon-gi.  Carefully exiting the tatami room the two of you have a kiss good-bye as you watch him exit from the rooftop. It’s still just as dashing the first time you watched them leave.  A funny way to leave that would probably belong in a movie but if you were living a rom-com this would probably be the greatest one – at least in your opinion.  Returning back to Joon-gi’s side you try to wake him up again.

“Come on Yeonsu, can you wake up? Are you okay? Do you need anything Yeonsu?” gently shaking him you can see his face change into a more relaxed one like he would whenever in sleep and you or Zhao are next to him. He’s out like a lightbulb. It’s unclear just how bad Joon-gi could be on sleep debt so you honestly wouldn’t put it past him to be running on the most criminal levels of sleep permissible if it was something he had to do. It wasn’t always easy for him to fall asleep on his own even outside of the unusual hours of his work. He wasn’t just a machine meant to generate capital and protect secrets though and needed to have an off-day sometime. This off-day would just have to be in your room. Not frustrated with him but still sighing with the plan coming together in your head you just have to resolve to going about daily business without him joining up on gang busting later. The crew can fight without him – he’s still a key person in it but everyone has the space to be their own person outside of it. Joon-gi or Yeonsu just has to learn what it means to be his own person outside of that. Everyone still loves him in their own ways and care for him as a person but there’s a lot of deep-seated traumas and separation issues that would only have to be addressed with time and the patience to stick by. Counseling as it stood was a bit out of the question considering it’s extremely difficult to screen for who could even begin to unpack what happened while still remaining a confidential person. Those who lived their lives in the gray zones had to look out for one another.  Looking at the star string-lights that have since went out in your room an idea pops up in your head. Rubbing Joon-gi’s forehead and caressing his hair you speak “Alright moon boy, you getcha some rest and work on feeling better okay? I have to hop in the shower and get to work but we can figure out what you need later. Alrighty? Hang in there. You’re more than welcome to shower if you can hear me later.”  Perhaps Tian-tian would be the sun and you could be the stars while Yeonsu gets to be the moon. His hair is about as close as you can get without going full stark white. He does pull it off pretty well though.

Joon-gi is not fully awake but he’s not fully asleep either. He could hear you and Zhao attempting to get him up earlier and feel the drumming of Zhao’s fingers on his shoulders in some sort of repeating pattern. Unsure of what it meant though if he could pull himself awake he would have by now. It’s reassuring to him though that if what he could feel and hear in the lines between sleep and reality are real that neither of you two seemed to be upset and still showed enough care and gentleness in your own respective ways trying to get him to come back to the land outside of dreams. He just has more to apologize for later when he can fully speak again. His body is heavy and he had started shivering even with the extra blankets you put on him to recreate his usual set-up. Adding an extra one or two wouldn’t help him either, he probably would still be chilly even if both of you could spend all day splayed over him like cats. That would be a perfect lazy day in.  “Moon boy” was something he thought he heard when you were speaking to him and the nickname seemed funny. If he could muster up enough strength to sit up and laugh he would – he still has to tell you he thinks the star lights are cute. You’re cuter of course but that’s just another thing that will have to go on his list of things to do. All he can do besides shivering that is out of his control is think in what capacity he can and resign himself to falling back asleep or just laying there unable to open his eyes. He can tell when you left his side to go get ready for the day ahead and that makes him remember that Ichiban and the crew had plans with him tagging along today.  This would be one of the times where saying “Fuck” would be worth it.  He didn’t curse often but he found himself relaxing more and using it when the time called for it. Well-placed curses always carried their weight.  Falling back into sleep he isn’t given the chance to spiral into if the crew would still need him.

****

Having gotten ready for the day and in a mock uniform (Survive didn’t exactly have an official one) – the best thing that came close was a white long-sleeve top with a pocketed black vest. The pants didn’t really matter nor did the shoes. Boss could have cared less so black pants and comfy shoes did the job. You could do whatever else but keeping basic clothes on hand worked – carrying around a backpack or two of fancier clothes just asked for trouble. Living in bags that would offer less vertical space than larger wheeled suitcases you didn’t want to go for clothes that would suffer extremely from being rolled up and packed away. Heavier jackets would be purchased as needed unless you had someone or somewhere that could hold onto it for you long-term. If you ever found yourself back in Kamurocho or Onomichi maybe there would still be the jackets you owned before at the bars you found yourself at. Given the uncertainty though as it was never a guaranteed nor would it be guaranteed that anyone you helped in the past was still alive outside of rare social media posts – extremely rare. There wasn’t much confirmation they existed. Maybe if they were to be on the news which would generally most likely be a bad sign. Of course, being reported as being jailed or dead was never a guarantee they weren’t walking around somewhere it wasn’t like that had much to do with anything. If you weren’t so concerned with imposing on full houses you would have probably had a spot at an orphanage and still managed a room if you put up money for helping with the others in Okinawa. Nah, they got their hands full. Sending money as donations from time to time as allowed though was what you did – anything at all was surely helpful  and it wasn’t like you couldn’t fend for yourself in other cities. More “work” that way too even if the work was just odd-jobs – making others happy where you could and helping those in need was its own sense of purpose. No big long-term game plans, just one day from the next. If you made it long enough that would just be a problem for the future you – maybe a friend or two at that point could at least keep you from dying to sun or cold exposure if you were too sick to manage something on your own. Connections were pretty much everything refusing to slave away as a company worker. Trying to keep whatever phone-numbers that worked of the connections you had was probably a good idea though, losing them often made them hard to get back.

Making your own bed and lying in it or so the saying is a bit different when you always swapped places to crash but for now this is the most stable you’ve ever been. If your past got you to here, there wasn’t much to complain about. Thinking too hard on the past and trying to plan for the future of course were not what was required of today. Checking back in on Joon-gi who still laid seemingly asleep having moved some but not much he was still running a fever. Returning to the little bathroom, you took a small plastic box that was often used to hold water for soaking and carried it back with a wet washcloth in hand over top. If it spilled on the tatami, oh well. Not the best thing for it but rugs that can’t handle a little water or other beverages sucked.  Folding the washcloth up and making it into a cool compress you laid it over Joon-gi’s forehead and caressed his cheek. “Feel better soon,  we’re just a phone call away alright? All you have’ta do is focus on you”. It wasn’t like you could keep a change of clothes for either of them on hand all the time so even if Joon-gi showered he would be forced into wearing his old clothes. Doubtful any of the jeans you had would be what he needed but folding up a pair of gray sweatpants maybe they would be stretchy enough he could wear them? The laundry was pretty much self-explanatory and you were in no danger of running out of detergent. Figuring that was all you could do at this point before throwing yourself into the day ahead – saying a final “See you later, alright?” you could have sworn you heard the faint mumblings of “Cute….” Is he dreaming about something? You lock the door from the entry-side just in case with a few bobby pins laying in the bottom of your vest pocket.

****

Setting up shop and tending to actual customers during morning runs and some early lunchers: it wasn’t long before the day slowed down as the crew’s time to meet-up came up. Of course, both you and Zhao knew Joon-gi wouldn’t be coming but if someone else dropped off the plan for the day – he wouldn’t be the odd one out. Surely though it would stick out either way. You had enough time once tending to the last lunch customer to text Zhao and let him know that Joon-gi was still sleeping away upstairs but that figuring out what to do about him could be later in the evening if he’s not feeling better or able to leave. It’s not the most ideal situation but it can’t be helped.

Ichiban almost practically burst through the door with Adachi and Nanba in tow hearing them shouting for him to slow-down from the streets. You and Boss chuckle, with a bow though you swing out from behind the counter and sit on a barstool waiting for everyone else to trickle in.  There’s another bar, a snack bar with a very kind Mama in the Bar District where Ichiban has been staying. You aren’t 100% sure but think that maybe most of the crew have essentially had sleepovers there when “crime-fighting” essentially? Having that many people in a sleepover among friends sounds like a fun-time but maybe not the comfiest. Having loosened boundaries with Zhao and Joon-gi though could maybe make it easier although thinking of the others having their own things to say if someone seen Joon-gi asleep with his head on Zhao’s chest could be interesting. The differences in co-sleeping between friends and romantic partners is fairly slim but it was probably the kind of thing you felt like you knew when you could see it.

Adachi and Nanba finally catch up to Ichiban and meet him in the doorway so the Stoplight Trio finally reunited make their way to their usual booth.  Greeting them you go ahead and check if anyone wants to order any food or drinks before heading out to go handle that group that was causing trouble. Why lately of all things, “dungeons” in sewers was the place to hide was another of the world’s mysteries. Living life like it was an RPG though was fun in its own respects even if trying to voice that makes you seem on the crazier end. Ichiban had a point when he talked about how the people you all managed to across in fights looked different than usual. He said something about Sujimon? Maybe an interesting Pokemon knock-off, but not something you asked further into before being interrupted by other things. Fighting giant robot vacuum cleaners or helping wrangle loose circus animals were more pressing matters. The dungeons as they were called were often filled with people looking for fights and it wasn’t like there was any harm in meeting such a request if it could even be called that. Handling them alone was easy but it was practically a cakewalk with friends.

“YEAH! LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD” Ichiban’s lack of volume control made it a good thing stealth wasn’t the biggest requirement for today’s mission

“Your shouting is going to alert the whole city if you keep it up Icchan” Bless Nanba, the voice of reason.

“No no let him keep shouting if he tires himself out he isn’t going to embarrass himself later” – and that’s a cold remark coming from Adachi. Maybe he had a point.

“Oi oi, can you three keep it down – there’s people on the other side of the globe trying to sleep!” Zhao casually strolls in with his hands in his pockets. He’s mastered the art of managing to look smug while he walks – if he were anyone else it might be insufferable. Though for better and for worse he’s currently yours so it’s a part of the package deal.  Saeko is the last one to arrive for the mission on the docket,  the moment she showed up you felt like Ichiban was sitting up straighter. Poor dude must’ve not worked up the courage to walk her home yesterday. That was probably what Adachi and Nanba were laughing about earlier amongst each other if you had to wager a guess.

Saeko usually being the last one to show up though noticed Joon-gi wasn’t around and asked “Hey, has anyone heard anything from Old White Hair McHandsome face?” the Stoplight Trio look at each other quizzically but all Nanba and Adachi can do is shrug. Ichiban of course also knows nothing. Though he and Joon-gi do sometimes talk about random things unrelated to matters at hand.

“Hancchi? Maybe he got sick? Some of the regular workers at You Tian had to call out today so I took up for’em – comes with the business.”  - Hancchi was a new nickname but if Ichiban got to be Itchii and Icchan then it tracks. It’s a clever way to be close to half of the truth without being too much of a dead give-away.

“Joon-gi didn’t seem to be talking much when everyone was here yesterday. Maybe he really is sick?” you mused going along with Zhao’s suggestion, it wasn’t like he was known for being talkative but he surely must’ve seemed slightly out of it to the others.

“Hmmm… I guess he wouldn’t want anyone else to see him red-face and sniveling. Would break his precious image, wouldn’t it” Saeko, was going along with it very well – Yes! No problems so far.

“Joon-gi sick? That sounds like a new one but I guess everyone gets sick sometimes. Even him”

“Yeah right Nanba, maybe he’s mastering the art of sneezing beautifully – guess even that was something he didn’t know. He would’ve been here if he could.” Adachi’s quip was funny enough that Zhao laughed a bit. The art of sneezing beautifully sounded up his alley at least he would probably try his hardest to for the sake of his public face. A bit of a sad reality if he absolutely feels the need to present himself that way in hindsight, but the truth hurts.

“Well, if he’s out sick – we can’t do much about it. There’s no point in waiting another day with all of our plans set out for today, right guys? What if those guys steal another puppy?” Ichiban again has a point, aside from saving cats yesterday – there was also a high-speed chase-down of some thug with a Shiba Inu puppy named Mamoru-kun. He had been snatched from a child walking by Hamakita Park and having no room for such an injustice Ichiban and crew were on the case. There was no need for private detectives in Ijincho when people like y’all were around.  Taking details from those who happened to be around – getting an idea of what the guy looked like and tracking him all the way down to Restaurant Row while time-consuming went off without a hitch. You and Ichiban ran up running through the crowds as everyone else took up spots to ambush. Zhao was hiding in a tree on the tail end of Restaurant Row ready to cut him off if Ichiban couldn’t tackle him to the ground – he had the opportunity to take a break long enough to be able to be on standby. Getting crane dropped surely made that guy regret his actions more over than being tackled to the ground by Ichiban did.  Of course, you safely got the puppy into your arms and out of the guy’s hands before he did. No dogs were harmed in the catching of a criminal. It wasn’t hard to ensure he was connected to the group to be gone after today. Being pretty much surrounded and in tackling range of someone built like Adachi or swinging range of Saeko’s purse didn’t leave him much room to run. As rude as it would be to insinuate, Nanba’s chronically bad breath could make him a strong interrogator.  Learning to deal with halitosis sooner rather than later isn’t a skill required of everyone but if you happen to hang around people who can’t do much about it – the ease into overlooking it and not holding it against them comes at its own pace.

THUD  - a soft but audible sound seems to come from the floorboards upstairs

“Oh! That must be the washing machine, sorry guys let me go check it. Sometimes it “walks” if it gets off-center. Excuse me!” – quickly excusing yourself, not taking the time to wait for anyone else to say anything you fiddle with a pin to let yourself back into the main sitting area upstairs.  The upstairs access hallway door is open and you can see a definitive black ball laying curled up in front of the bathroom door. Joon-gi managed to get up to take a shower as evidenced by the smell of your soap and shampoo. You can see the steam that formed on the mirror and the towels not entirely haphazardly thrown to the side. They were folded and unevenly lopsided.  He must’ve tried to dry off the best he could and switched back into his street clothes.  While understandable – this wasn’t exactly the best time for being stuck in wet clothes – the other hand says there was either courtesy and or a shyness in not being seen in a state of undress. Bodies are bodies – there’s not a point in attributing any higher meaning to it if the context doesn’t require it. In this scenario, there is a sick man who if he didn’t want to be in wet clothes – by all rights should be able to just bundle up in blankets and let the matter be handled by someone like you who is more than willing to do a quick load of laundry.

“Yeonsu, Yeonsu, hey hey it’s alright here…” getting him out of the near fetal position curl and to where you can support him you aid him back into your tatami room. He’s still conscious but his soft apologizing is air he doesn’t have to waste. His hair is still a bit wet but the old wives tale about going to bed with a wet head never really came true as far as you knew.  “It’s okay, it’s okay, just get back to sleep – you’re still running a fever. You can sleep in as long as you need. Tiantian and I have to go out with Ichiban and the gang but we’ll be able ta come and sit with you this evening as long as ya need okay? There’s no need ta rush. No one else can come up here but us.”

“Let me wash your rain-jacket okay? Can I do that?” he seems to slowly nod and you keep a hand softly but squarely on his chest so he doesn’t make the attempt to struggle to lift himself back up.  Working the zipper down you gently lift up his arms, it’s easy work regardless of if the person in the jacket is moving.  “It’s nothing ta worry about okay? I got you – go back to sleep babe, I love you” and “babe” has come out of your mouth. If Joon-gi was more lucid than he currently was maybe you would consider faceplanting on the ground outside but at this point knowing he’s sick and there’s people waiting on you downstairs being hung up on such a trivial thing is the least of your worries. Maybe TianTian is rubbing off on you. He doesn’t have a shirt on underneath so you figure that it must actually have been missed in the bathroom earlier. It could have blended in with the bathroom mats. If it was white probably so. Would someone else feel embarrassed and maybe be surprised because suddenly there’s a guy with six-pack abs in your room and no shirt? Maybe so, but it beats wearing old clothes in this case and the more you think you can wash the better. Handling his clothes is still germ exposure but getting sick is something future you can deal with too. At this point even thinking about that is a moot point. Helping him get wrapped all up in blankets in the attempt to alleviate the chills that have set in again his expression softens and you know he appreciates what you’re doing.  He attempted to mouth something but you ssssh’d him before the sound could come out.  “Tiantian and I will be back as soon as we can okay? Rest up Moon-y”, kissing him on the forehead you move out of the tatami room and find the shirt you were looking for right where you thought it would be. Actually running the washing machine on a quick cycle makes it seem like the idea of you taking the day to wash up all of your blankets and bedspreads was believable.  Locking back up and heading downstairs you call, “Sorry about that one guys – itsa heavy bedding wash day”.

Boss tending to cooking a pot of noodles and cooking curry sauce for later asks “You doin’ alright on laundry detergent [Name] I can get some more when I have to go buy ingredients later. Don’t want you going out late at night if you can help it”.

“No no, save your money sir! I have enough to last me a good while. Honest!”, if there was a dad to be in your life he might be the closest thing to one. If you said you needed some he would probably buy it without hesitation regardless of if he actually needed ingredients or not. You didn’t have any clue if he was being truthful in that matter since he usually brought what he was going to cook with from his home anyways. Looking out for each other in little ways it was almost like the two of you were trying to one-up the other even if he was providing for the roof over your head now at the moment, you didn’t want to overstep and didn’t want the other shoe to drop either. If you thought something was needed in terms of cleaning supplies for the bar you would jump over backwards to try and cover it out of your own pocket.  You were out-witted when he started putting an envelope under your door each week with a small stipend labeled “Cleaning Supplies” over the top. He wouldn’t take any of the leftover money back. Have you patched him up from the brink of death before? Does that mean he has some sort of life-long debt he should be repaying to you? In your books, the answer is “NO” written in striking red ink but the past can’t be easily forgotten.  The value of human life is not something you can easily discount and hand-wave away if you have enough sense.  At times you had less sense than yen.

“Well, alright you kids be safe out there you hear?” – he lets you go so the crew can begin heading on their merry way. Knowing that no one suspects anything, not even the boss you relax from your tensed state a smidgen and get to breathe a bit easier. Joon-gi will just have to hang in there until you and Zhao can get back.

“Hey hey [Name] what kind of washing machine walks?” Ichiban asks as all of you begin walking in the direction of the sewer entry.

“Are you being serious Icchan?”

“Oh come on, it has to happen to everyone at least once. Do you think they let the inmates run the washing machines the same way someone at home does in prison?” Saeko starts to explain, “If you overload certain machines and they do happen to get off-center, they’ll rumble off balance and the next thing you know it’s up against the other side of the wall.”

“You sound like you have a lot of experience with that Saeko. That’s about ta truth though ain’t it? ” probing further to try and drag attention off you. “Yeah, whenever my sister’s turn for laundry day came up in high school, she never bothered to separate the lights and the darks. On top of that she didn’t even separate jeans and sheets and everyone else’s clothes. Do you know how much of my clothes wound up shrinking over those years? Not to mention how many white clothes got ruined either.. seriously that girl..”

“You sure that’s not the only reas..owwwowowow” Ichiban was not about to let Adachi finish that sentence – if he did Adachi’s fate would likely be worse. He might not have even been able to get down the ladder leading from the outside to the sewers. Ichiban may not always have the right thing to say or always seem to be the most socially aware but he’s pretty quick on the uptake. Rest in pieces to Adachi’s toes. They will likely be stepped on many more times in the future if that’s what it takes for him to learn when to keep his mouth shut.

“Hey, DachDachi, maybe we shouldn’t make those kinds of jokes – ever.” Zhao has his arm around his neck pulling him down into almost a half-noogie. Ichiban has since let off of Adachi’s foot and is more than willing to resign Adachi to whatever his fate will be. Nanba can help him if he wants.  Saeko blissfully unaware of what Adachi was about to say turns back around to see you, Ichiban, and Nanba leaving Adachi and Zhao in the dust. She starts to laugh and ask what’s going on but all three of you slowly shake your head and continue walking. In unison, “Beats us.”

******

The sewer adventure of the day went off without a hitch. You did get distracted with your mind drifting back to what Joon-gi Han could be doing or if he was feeling better. There was a mini trash-can in your room if he needed to throw-up at the very least. Throwing-up would be better if you had someone at your side to rub your back and hold your hair back – okay maybe he doesn’t have enough hair to hold it back but bedside manner is bedside manner. Your hits landed but if you seemed too off-attention, Zhao seemed to direct more energy into action cries that brought you out of your thoughts. His perception skills and care really shined through in battle in ways the others couldn’t tell. Zhao was friendly with everyone to an extent but it seemed like yet no one had put their thumb on the two of you dating.  If someone managed to guess all three of you were dating then either all three of you really suck at hiding things or someone is a master detective.

The remnants of whatever third-rate rejected Omi clan family that found themselves terrorizing the streets of Ijincho weren’t anything to worry about anymore. The safety of all pets, large and small had been secured. Their master strategy was to run scams in taking advantage of people with missing pet posters and additionally try and see if they could extort money out of targeted families in return for the “safe exchange” of their pet.  All of the attempted pet thieveries had been thwarted but someone needed to set them straight.

Lining up to the sewer ladder, you were the last one in the line. The air was rich with the damp smell of mold and sewer water wasn’t the most pleasant scent of them all. It’s enough to make someone long for just a pocket of fresh air. If you went deep enough there would be maintenance points that acted as a form of safe haven but when you’re exiting – you get to do without such comforts until you get to taste the sweet sweet fresh air up street-side. Stifling a cough as everyone went up you were behind Zhao. This still wasn’t a good opportunity to talk or say much privately so the best you could do was focus on not hacking up a lung and get up the ladder without falling off.

Climbing up, you’re greeted with the breath-taking sight of the orange sunset. It’s almost like crystalized amber when you’re seeing the sky from the right angles looking directly up from the manhole cover.  These were the kinds of views that made life worth living. You couldn’t forgive the crimes of the people you just knocked six ways to next Sunday but you could look past them trying to make the sewers their base of operations. Your arms can only handle so much though if you were to try and hold yourself in place at this point to really take in the view. Not to mention, being the last one out still means you’re holding everyone up.

“Last one catch, coming right up!” Zhao crouches down and extends a hand to you as you approach the last junction of the ladder. He grips your hand tightly and ensures you’re safely pulled up to the street above. If you were going out alone, it would be more like a scramble of pulling yourself up off the ground. Not everyone would take the time to help the person behind get up – usually the focus is taking a breath of deep air and recovering from whatever physical activity was previously exerted. Zhao is just being polite; they don’t need any special relationship to do that for someone right? No one starts to joke about it so once everyone has the time to recollect, the road back home begins.  You get lightly jabbed at for being a sentimental type as you attempt to take decent phone photos of the day’s sunset but Ichiban joins in so with the de-facto leader pretty much joining you – everyone else has the choice of hanging around or breaking away for the day.

The walk home, besides that, is relatively uneventful. Everyone agrees to part ways before heading back to Survive and no one else’s toes needed to be stepped on so by the time you’re halfway through the Bar District it’s just you and Zhao. Your phone buzzes and it’s from the Boss : “Hey kiddo, hopefully you’re about done busting some heads out there, I locked the door so you’ll need your key to get back in. Early night tonight, mahjong – stay safe”

“The old man would play mahjong, wouldn’t he? That’s probably how he makes his living. Wouldn’t be surprised if the bar is just his pet project..” Zhao muses, your opposite hand is concealed with his jacket pocket. You can feel the jingling of the bangle around his wrist and the rings on his fingers moving ever so slightly with each step you two take. Overgrown shitty “teenagers” making up for lost time, indeed.  “Well, we all got to make a livin’ somehow right? He would have all of us beat for sure tough”

“Pftt, can you even play Mahjong? That’s like throwing a baby deer to some wolves for kicks. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Shut your trap, I’m learning as much as I can online!” – you really were trying to learn Mahjong but for all intents and purposes, the game was beyond you. All mahjong tiles belong to a certain “suit” and there’s certain tiles that can make special hands with the easiest hands being dubbed, ‘All Simples’, which is a low-point hand that one can make from having a hand of all tiles consisting between 2-8. 1 and 9 were honor tiles. You think the whole hand to be concealed so you couldn’t take from another player’s discard pile but if that was the case or not was escaping you.  The general idea of the game made sense but you were lost in putting the mechanics into practice. It seemed to require both luck and skill. More skill than luck could probably make do but if you couldn’t remember all the hands – you were screwed.

“Easy, baby, easy we’ll find the time to teach you some day. Maybe when Joon-gi isn’t so under the weather we can make a date out of making him a practice player. I don’t know for certain he isn’t a secret pro though” Joon-gi being a secret pro wouldn’t be too far out of the realm of possibility. He could knock most people flat at count’em up darts and knew his way around the pool table. Gambling games were more of a mystery but from previous card games, you figured he was no opponent to sneeze at in Poker.  Koi-koi isn’t gambling in the traditional sense to you but its presence at the hidden gambling den is a nice comfort. You always have more than enough wooden tags to ensure a easy Gold or Platinum plate so an easy lunch after a trip to the pawn shop is about guaranteed. The seasons in hanafuda cards make more sense to you than the hands in mahjong…. for now.  Come hell or high water, if you devoted enough time to it – maybe you would just earn your living from playing koi-koi all day for a bit out of the month and budget the rest.  Although, you wouldn’t want for it to become boring and suck all the fun out of the satisfaction that came knowing the dealer has been blocked out of the special Viewing hands or Boar, Deer, Butterfly set.

“It sounds like you’re making  a promise then! Better keep your end of it, I won’t go easy on you. By the time the round is over you won’t know your left from your right!”

“I’ll be waiting with popcorn. The gourmet fancy kind too, but I’ll share even if I win. Would you rather it be savory or sweet?” Your nails dig into his palm as he chuckles speeding up his pace forcing you to follow suit.

******

Making your way upstairs with Zhao following behind you, you gesture for him to wait a few paces back. Undoing the lock you set again he remarks, “Wow, our lovely [name] is a lockpicker. I know who to call the next time a chucklehead gets stuck outside.”

“Yeah, I have your number second on emergency contacts. It will ring no matter what the settings are on.” And for a moment Zhao had been struck speechless. He wasn’t anticipating you actually admitting to something like that. It would be understandable you expect him to care about your continued existence. Of course, he does. He wouldn’t even need to be asked twice to be by your side if it was required. One call or text would be all it would take. He would ask who was first and if there was a third but he already pretty much had an idea in his head.  All the two of you needed to do was focusing on the Joon-gi Han that has been left to sleep the day away – away from the watchful eyes of the rest of the world.

Going to throw Joon-gi’s rain-jacket and shirt out in the dryer, Zhao is able to go and take a seat by his sleeping form first. If Joon-gi moved any muscles today, aside from the shower incident he only did so in sleep. This was a better result than the prayer that if he was going to be sick enough to vomit there could be someone next to him. A bit of a selfish hope really, you doubt that even if he got sick there was someone by his side to help him through it. That can change: effective immediately. Zhao moved the cold compress from his forehead and held his hand gently taking his temperature.

“Patient update, Tian-Tian?”

“Hold still, let me compare” taking his other hand and pressing it against yours, you stifle a laugh.  “Well, our lovely patient here seems to be running a mild fever, it’s not as hot as it was this morning. Our main doctor’s prescription of bed rest did him a lot of good. This nurse is out of their realm – any expert additional input that could be provided would be much appreciated.” There really wasn’t much else the two of you could do until Joon-gi woke up. It’s hard to give someone pills to swallow when they’re asleep. At least by the time he did finally seem to be waking up his t-shirt and jacket were ready to be pulled from the dryer. You had thrown the towels he used in with the the collapsible bin that held the rest of the ones you used.

“I’m sorry you two had to go out without me, I’m sorry [Name] had to take care of me, I’m sorry I” Joon-gi waking up and sitting up on his own unsupported only to start apologizing has you walking in with the freshly laundered clothes of his to see Zhao with a hand clasped over Joon-Gi’s mouth.

“It’s nothing, I would do the same again, and I’m sure you would do the same for me.” “If you start apologizing more, I’ll find reasons to apologize even harder, babe, you’re sick. Taking care of each other is what we do – instead of apologizing why don’t you tell our favorite guardian angel, thank you?”  he moves his hand from over Joon-gi’s mouth and gives him a quick peck on the cheek. Joon-gi’s system is visibly rebooting as he makes eye-contact with you. Sitting down in front of him with the fresh bundle of clothes, “Thank you my darling, for taking care of – taking care of me.” He has successfully recorrected himself from defeatist language. A big step in hopefully the right direction for the United Nation of Joon-gi Han supporters. Population ??? 3? Maybe it was 7 or 8 if he really thought harder about it.  His chest was warm and fuzzy but not from sickness.  You two really did care about him.

“Do you need any help getting up or getting your shirt back on?” It’s an innocent question but Joon-gi quickly averts his gaze with the vague recollection of you helping him get his rain jacket off earlier after he collapsed having expended what all energy he had getting dry and out of the bathroom successfully. That mission may have been a semi-success but it’s still embarrassing, nonetheless. “Would you rather Tian-Tian do it?”

“Wow, how forward of our lovable doctor.” “You know I found him collapsed out in the hallway out there in a ball! You would do the same if you were in my shoes. Do you want me to let you lay in wet dirty clothes?”

“Sorry sorry, bad timing. Yes, I would do the same and no please don’t let me start growing my own personal mold farm. I would rather grow funghi.” Zhao while joking was still sincere enough in his apology. Out of context, the situation would sound unusual but it’s not something you would want to be used solely as just a joke. Joon-gi was still sick and would need some time to recover, most likely.  “Just let me do it, I don’t want either of you to have to do something that simple”

“Nope~ Life is all about balance, baby~  Let me see that” Zhao takes the shirt you have in your hands before you can say anything “Come on, lift up your arms just a bit for me.”

“Are we really doing this Tianyou?” Joon-gi has definitely improved since this morning, he has enough energy to be exasperated with Zhao.

“You’re sick and we’re helping – unless you would rather leave without a T-shirt, I’m not complaining. Either way, it’s your choice”.  Joon-gi rolls his eyes but for a moment you think you can almost see the beginnings of a smirk.  Zhao carefully slides the shirt over Joon-Gi’s head and takes the opportunity to place another kiss on his cheek. Being concerned about getting germs is out of the question at this point. Zhao has money on having a strong immune system. The two of you hadn’t been sick in a long-time. Zhao himself rarely missed a day of school much to his chagrin growing up, although, his parents probably wouldn’t have let him skip even if he needed to be treated for appendicitis at a hospital.  Taking the jacket from you, he gets the arm on his side on and has you do the other.

“I could have done this myself, but maybe, I see why you two insisted.” Joon-gi still blushing seems to be carefully thinking his words as he tries to find a way to stare in a direction that isn’t at you or at Zhao. “The star lights you bought are actually very pretty. Not as much as you of course, but they’re just your style. Cute like you.” – it was late enough that the star lights were indeed starting to glow dimly. It was already sunset by the time you and Zhao got back. Turning the paper lantern on in the main entry way outside gave a bit of extra light but it still wouldn’t keep the light detectors in the string lights from fully preventing the green glow they had from sparking to life.

“See someone likes them just as much as I do!” Laughing and wrapping Joon-gi in a brief hug with a reassuring hand rubbing his shoulder as you pull away trying to not be too overbearing.. albeit far from it. Joon-gi would never actually complain with full intention of either of you annoying him. He was pretty much touch-starved in regular life for God knows how many years. Even in host clubs, it wasn’t often. There wasn’t much enjoyment in drunk patrons laying all over him either. Such behavior would be discouraged in regular circumstances but the real Joon-gi Han leadership was more concerned for profits than being the most “ethical” host club of the bunch. They had a fight-club operating in it. Of course, “lesser” rules would have gone out the window. What man in the industry would be turning down easy money? In such scenarios, he often found himself being ushered into another fight with a poor soul of a host that stuck around long enough to go against him in the boxing ring.  The crazy ones were the ones that stuck around after a sound beating. If the real Joon-Gi could show mercy, maybe Joon-gi Han would have been known to show more mercy and take a hit for once.

“I never said they were terrible babe. I’ll get the best string lights the two of you ever seen and have them all strung up in my house when you two come over. Only the best for my honeys~” Zhao was indeed you two’s favorite occasionally insufferable man. Being one-upped over a simple decorating choice would be a bit much but in all honesty the idea sounded like a wonderful one. The three of you spent another hour and a half enjoying each other’s company. Taking frozen leftovers Zhao had cooked for you and brought over earlier from the freezer of your personal fridge, you warmed everything up the best you could and brought it back upstairs so the three of you could enjoy a nice dinner together.

“Hey hey cutie doctor, do we need to feed the patient too?”

“Tianyou… I’m feeling bette- cough cough”

“SHHHHshshshhhhhhhhhhhhh see?”

“That does sound like a bit of an over-kill, Tian-Tian..”

“No, no it’s not, I cooked the food myself. Look watch say “Ahh.” Come on do it, it’s the best way certified by me to have pineapple pork. “I wouldn’t do that with soup if you were worried about spills”.  Rolling your eyes with a sigh you do as he asking. He’s built a compelling argument. While embarrassing, this is pretty much something couples would do right out of a textbook. If such a textbook existed, you hadn’t read it but it just sounds right.

“Does that mean you tested it?” Joon-gi looks slightly confused

“Shut up – you’re thinking too much into it babe don’t go ruining the moment. That goes for you too [Name]” You laugh even though you would have asked the same thing if you weren’t still chewing your food and sipping on your glass of water. He really did know the two of you well.

It made dinner longer but everything tasted better if everyone was taking turn’s trying to feed it to the other. Of course, the only exception was soup. Hot and sour soup was precious enough to not want to waste a droplet. Eating with forks made the reheated stir-fry and the pineapple pork more manageable. No big disasters regardless, just a happy trio in love with full stomachs.

“Alright, while leaving always sucks – why don’t we get this patient to a proper bed? Nothing wrong with your set-up [Name], hope you understand.” – Sleeping on the floor even with all the sleeping mats and on a futon wasn’t like sleeping on a traditional western style of bed.  There wasn’t any point in even playfully trying to argue about it.

“Yeah, yeah I trust our favorite nurse can do the job. Let me see you two to the actual door this time, I can wash the dishes and clean everything up before anyone says “boo”. Just let me know when you both get home” – That much wouldn’t have needed to have been said but it was still good to say. Nothing could beat knowing someone wanted to know if you got in the door safely or not.

Joon-gi could stand and walk on his own just fine but it was still reassuring to know Zhao would make sure he could get home. Zhao had already ordered a cab through the phone app and took some black disposable masks from you. Good practice for going out all things considered.  The two of them would be stopping by the pharmacy and then right to bed with the patient.

*******

(In the middle of Smile Pharmacy)

“I guess there is value in having medicine on hand for times like these.” Joon-gi seems to be quietly marveling at the wide selection of the various over-the-counter medicines. If he was ever in a pharmacy it was more for wound-treating purposes and not the actual medicines themselves. He never ever concerned himself with painkillers either. It wasn’t like there was no medication back at Geomijul, he just never took any of it. In the early days he took any supplement he could get his hands on. It didn’t have the best results and over time he refined his intake down to select minerals and multi-vitamins that wreaked no havoc on his internals to put it lightly. This information would never be waterboarded out of him though.

“It’s better to have it on hand then need it and not have it, babe. You have enough space to hold these kinds of things don’t you? They might have a carrying case if we go through another aisle.”

“No,, no I have bedside drawers I can put things in. There’s a lot of space I don’t use.  I appreciate your concern Tianyou.”

“A healthy babygirl leads to a happy life”

“My stomach is churning”

“There you go, you’re getting better already babe. They don’t sell that kind of medicine over the counter”

“Why do you insist on being the way you are?”

“You love me despite it. Who can come close? If your buttons weren’t as easy to push maybe I would have to work harder.”

While Joon-gi sighs, Zhao has already made his selection which results in an armful of medications. “Come on, we need to go grab a basket to carry the rest of what we’re getting.”

“This reminds me. I never did say I appreciated that you and [name] cared enough to use my real,, birth name.”

“It’s who you are.  You can be two things. You can be more, there’s no rules saying you can’t. It’s not like rules are our bread and butter in this industry. Anyways, isn’t it a little late to be saying that now? You should say something to [name] yourself too. They pretended they had a load of laundry going when everyone heard you collapse earlier, just sayin’.  Clever as can be.”

“You two – you two carry my heart.” Making a pun out of the situation actually had Joon-gi smiling just a bit behind his mask. If Zhao was looking at his eyes, maybe he could see the smile behind them.

“Well shit, I can’t compete with that one. Should have figured you could be smooth.”

Another victory for Joon-gi Han the present and Yeonsu Kim.

*******

Zhao ordered another taxi to save on walking time. Carrying three bags of medicine seemed like it would be much for a cold but he wanted to be sure that Joon-gi had enough to take back with him while also being sure that he could keep enough on hand if anyone else he knew needed them.

“You know, life would be a little easier if one of you had an apartment nearby….”

“I’ve considered it, but there’s not been a point before. I guess now it would make more sense to start looking.”

Zhao was taking Joon-gi back to his home away from home, the workers at You Tian never questioned what Zhao did. They couldn’t care any less, he kept them paid well and their families never went without. Anyone else could pay them peanuts and they would still be expected to bow in gratitude to the heavens. Hell, Joon-gi could show up in the alley behind needing a space to be let in and clean up after “work”. Zhao would never turn him away and previously just didn’t have the gall to probe further on if the two meant anything more to the other.

 There was a night in particular that Joon-gi needed somewhere to lay low until the morning and he made himself at home – falling asleep on the floor. No blankets, no pillows, just the cold embrace of the wood floor. Such an existence was alien to Zhao. He could sleep on the floor, hardwood floor too. He would much prefer to have a blanket and a pillow or two at the very least. It would be easier on his back. He took the effort in stretching and resting his joints as much as he could when it was possible. Being a “frightening acrobat” wasn’t something you could just do without any level of thought. He just didn’t go as hard as Joon-gi did in terms of training and severity. 

Going to his actual house was a rarity when more involved with the Liumang. It was only 20-30 minutes of a drive extra in terms of distance but it wasn’t one you could walk to. He always took a taxi most of the distance and walked himself back home, he had a license and knew how to drive. Last time he drove, it was someone else’s car stolen with the key inside during a warehouse shoot-out. His men lived to tell the tale and they also managed to get by on real road without raising any suspicion, Zhao wasn’t even supposed to be there.

His father’s old convertible just went unused in the family garage. It would probably need some tune-ups and an extra battery considering how long it had went unused.  Parking could be more hassle than it was worth.  Maybe getting a motorcycle license and two side-cars for it would be cooler? If it was just one, then you and Joon-gi could take turns sitting behind him. Nah. Cars would be safer.  Maybe having one just to ride around the neighborhood though would be worth it eventually. All options were worth considering…

The most important objective of the night was just making sure Yeonsu got to sleep safely again. It wasn’t like people at Geomijul counted on him coming home every day. Another day away couldn’t hurt anything. Sending good night texts back and forth, both Zhao and Yeonsu were eventually chastised into turning their phones off and going to sleep. Looking out for one another came in many different forms. If they were anything, they were true to their word. It was a tighter squeeze than being on the floor but Yeonsu didn’t complain when Zhao’s legs were intertwined with his. His head resting on his shoulder as the blankets shielded most of their bodies, Yeonsu and the present Joon-gi Han, have hit a new record for positive human contact.

Would the original Han look down upon him? Surely not, if he knew what it would be like to be him in this very moment.  Joon-gi Han could be bordering on accepting a life-shattering and life-building epiphany that could free him from some of the self-imposed shackles that still clung tightly around him – yet to fully be shaken off. He would still have to be both, but he is the one who says what the real Joon-gi does at the end of the day. There will be a time in which Yeonsu Kim in the role of Joon-gi Han is older than him. Surely, no one would expect a man to act the same 10 to 15 years from now into the future.  Sleep comes quickly once more but both Zhao and Joon-gi could have spent the whole night struggling to enter dreamland next to one another.

*******

BIBIBBEEEP BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBIIIIBEEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BIIIIIII *kachunk* Your alarm goes off and is eventually silenced with a harsher drop than usual of your hand.

‘Just 10 more minutes’

ACHOOO ACHOOO ACH----

In terms of the duel for the better immune system, Zhao Tianyou was the victor. Joon-gi would recovery quickly as his second day of recovery dragged on but you on the other hand now have take the time to rest and recover. Boss could make a mean chicken noodle soup…

*******