#Had to get my visa put in the system

[starsandspacefog]

BTW YOURE AWESOME!!

HAGSGDJAJ TYYY YOURE MORE AWESOME

Also this is kinda funny bc I accidently starved myself yesterday but we ball

[pregablin]

I dreamt that the Swedish police had a piss k!nk, probably not far from the truth...

[lesbianashleywilliams]

So those of you who have been following me may have noticed that I all but disappeared for about three months...well, that's because I've been planning to go to Japanese language school, and the wheels have really begun to start turning!!!!!!

I have been given the opportunity of my lifetime to be able to attend a Japanese language course at the International Study Institute in Tokyo's Shinjuku Ward. The course runs for a year, with the opportunity to extend it to two years, if my grades and money are sound [insert sound of children cheering here].

Being able to study Japanese locally and long-term has been a life goal of mine since I was fourteen. Though I'll probably never be able to fulfill my teenage dream of being an interpreter/translator for expats, this feels like the next best thing. Due to suffering from several comorbid chronic conditions that have majorly altered my life, most notably the beast known as systemic lupus erythematosus, I will probably never be able to seize another chance like this ever again. I won't be going in as a total novice, as I was able to take a year's worth of 1000-level Japanese language courses in college…before I had to drop out…… Since then I've been self-studying and using language exchange apps for practice, but nothing will beat the experience of using it in the day-to-day.

At this point in time (January 2024), my first six months of tuition have already been paid for. I am currently in a quiet waiting period while I wait to get to the next steps of the Certificate of Eligibility/Student Visa process. Before that, though, I need to secure my flight and housing. For the sake of my health, safety, privacy and comfort, a sharehouse will not be an option; I will have to seek a private apartment. I am here today to request assistance with the aforementioned flight and initial housing costs. It's still too early to commit to either of those, but:

The average cost of flexible one-way flights from where I am to either of the two Tokyo metro airports (Haneda and Narita) is running around $1200

I am doing some preliminary apartment scouting and am hoping not to exceed $800 per month (I will be traveling with suitcases and will need to properly store them). The apartments I am looking at do not require a security deposit or key money, but will probably come with a guarantor fee.

Now because I'm not going over there through one of the more common avenues - through a university or a job - I have to do it myself. Real life has meant that I've had to dig into my bank balance a bit, and after paying for the first six months I'm a little under the 2 million yen (~$14k) threshold that Immigration likes to see for a year's study. I'm lucky enough in that I will at least have a regular source of (unearned) income, as well as a financial sponsor; it's just the bank balance, flight, and accommodation that are hanging me up. Right now I am setting the initial goal at $3000, but I expect to move those goalposts at least once. Any extra will go towards a flight home for the Christmas holidays in December. After that, it'll go towards paying down my credit cards as much as I can prior to leaving the United States.

I can provide my conditional letter of acceptance from ISI, as well as the school invoice and receipt of the bank transfer for the first six months of tuition upon request (identifying information redacted, of course).

Because there's still a couple of months until I'm set to fly out I put together a GoFundMe (now that's a name I haven't used in a while) to idly collect whatever help I can. At the very least I just need this post to circulate enough to eventually cast a wider net outside of Tungle.hell.

GoFundMe

If you can't use GFM, V3nmo and P4ypal are also options:

V3nmo: @/venus3palette

P4ypal: @/fantasytheater

Again: I'm not in that much of a hurry, and the situation isn't dire! Thank you for combing my wall of text!!!!

[gastlygallows]

No one wants to hear this on tumblr dot com but a decade of painting white cis straight people, especially men, as evil and demanding total compliance or else "I'll call you a Nazi for having a different opinion and get you fired from your job" has backfired spectacularly and that's why Trump won

People are sick of elites playing these identity political games and collecting victim points like Pokemon cards and trying to cash them in like Monopoly money

A hundred celebrity and influencer endorsements for Kamala couldn't save her campaign because normal working people are struggling just to pay their bills

She ran her whole ass campaign on fear mongering and "I'm not Trump" when nobody even wanted her to run and Joe didn't even wanna drop out

Trump isn't rounding up gay or trans people to put them in camps, gay marriage isn't getting repealed and you're hard pressed to find a republican below the age of 60 who even has a problem with being gay anymore, and if you're here illegally you shouldn't get more benefits than me--I don't have health insurance and I don't get anything for free from my government. I think healthcare should be free and should be a human right but you gotta give it to actual citizens first

Trump doesn't hate minorities. He's from one of the most diverse cities in the world and he lent out money to people of all races to help them jump start their businesses. He doesn't hate Mexicans. He hates illegals. But you know who hates illegals the most? LEGAL immigrants.

You're a lot more likely to hate people cutting the line and getting rewarded for it than people who never had to stand in that line.

My bf who is Mexican and literally lives in Mexico had to jump through hoops to get a temp work visa to come to the US to work a summer job in collab with one of his uni programs. AND THEN he had to pay taxes on the money he made here!

When he graduates and we get married so he can get a green card there's gonna be a lot of steps and legal shit we have to go through and then when he's pulling in the big bucks from his STEM job guess what MORE TAXES.

People are sick of a system that rewards rule breakers. People are sick of the US funding a bunch of wars and sticking our nose in other countries' business. I'm always telling my Euro friends, "Americans do not like it that USA tries to play the hero around the world"

Why is anyone surprised that Latinos turned the fuck up for Trump. And is anyone surprised that the so called party of peace on Twitter is now shouting "I HOPE YOU GET DEPORTED IF YOU VOTED FOR TRUMP!" not even realizing you gotta be a citizen to vote lol I'm not the most racist vile people are the ones who wanna police speech

It's always, "you either take the victim card we're trying to issue you and take our side or we'll call you every slur in the book for being on the opposite team" every time

I've been in a 4chan server for five years and I've never seen so much serious unironic racism in there as on twitter in the past two days towards Latinos in retaliation for voting for Trump

Hypocrisy is ugly on everybody

[mesetacadre]

The whole of Korea is thus what is called “iron-curtained” country. But who, one wonders put the curtain up? After I applied for a visa to North Korea and got it, I learned that the big American agencies did not want the news. They told me flatly that they preferred to get the tales of the Soviet zone from the refugees who ran away from it, which is about like getting one’s facts about London from Berlin during the war. They assured me that I myself would get no real facts in the Soviet zone, but would be watched and handicapped at every turn. It is therefore necessary to state first how I got my facts in North Korea. When I reached the airport in Pyongyang, the capital, a courteous Russian major of the army’s press department offered me his services in getting about. He arranged a room for me in a hotel with western style beds and food and was useful for first routine contacts. Then I told him that too much guidance would invalidate my observations, and that I wanted to go around alone among Koreans. He got the point; thereafter I made my own plans. I travelled from coast to coast across the country, visiting villages, industrial plants, rest homes of the social insurance system. I picked up interpreters where I found them; some had learned English in American missionary schools. I talked freely to farmers, workers, factory managers, women, writers, officials. I got my facts entirely from Koreans, all of whom seemed glad to talk and unconstrained. If and when I met Russians they usually declined to comment on Korean affairs, saying: “It is the Koreans’ country; ask them.” I had freer and closer contact with Korean people in the Russian zone than any correspondent has reported, from the American zone. My strongest impression was that the Koreans seemed to think that they were running things. They were even naive about it. Again and again I was told that the “democratic government,” the universal suffrage, the land reform, the expanding agriculture, industry and education was the work, as one farmer put it, “of our own hands.” The Russians, they insisted, were just there because of a treaty with the Americans, and only to give advice. “The Russians liberated us from the Japanese,” said one, “but we Koreans did all the rest.”

In North Korea: First Eye-Witness Reports, Anna Louise Strong, 1949

[anexperimentallife]

Pain meds have kicked in, so I apologize if this ramblea.) Had a couple of people ask why we're not actively fundraising for my surgeries and the debt accrued because of our personal Series of Unfortunate Events* (especially now in the aftermath of an unprovoked attack that did irreparable damage to my eyes--the vitreous humor is separating, which they say cannot be fixed, and the pre-existing retina separation on my right eye is also inoperable) or for trying to move back to the US where I could use my medical benefits.

The short answer is that although of COURSE we appreciate the people who donate, there are so many folks in worse positions than us (in Gaza, Ukraine, Sudan, Congo, etc., not to mention folks even in developed countries lile the US whoin danger of losing their homes and so on) that I cannot in all good conscience ASK for money.

So like, yes, I still need the throat(!), foot, and joint surgeries (among other things), and yes, we've had to go deeper in debt for disability aids and my replacement teeth (which I should have sometime next week!).

BUT... my heart is apparently getting better!

That was the thing we were most worried about (so worried we started to fundraise to move back to the US to use my medical benefits) so if those other things get put off for another couple of years, so be it. The eye doc says I'm eight years away from cataract surgery. We have enough to pay our bills and give ourselves the occasional treat while paying down debt, and that's going to have to be enough for now.

*If you're new here...

You may not know that @thesurestthing amd I are a disabled, neurodivergent US couple living in the Philippines, where an issue with our daughter's birth certificate left her stateless in the middle of COVID travel restrictions just as our visas were expiring, and kicked off an expensive two-year bureaucratic nightmare about the same time the company I was licensing game rights to for an old story declined to renew the contract--that, plus me getting COVID four times and suffering mega-complications that involved--among other things-- multiple hospitalizations, me being on an oxygen machine for a month, long covid that has deatroyed my immune system, a persistent two-year foot infection that required surgery and specialized antibiotics, plus there was our daughter's medically complicated birth requiring a c section, and a few other emergencies that put us into the hole we're currently clawing our way out of.

(As an aside, if you and your partner give birth in the Philippines, make DAMN sure you triple-check the birth certificate before accepting it--the bureaucracy here is so intense that making ANY corrections can take literally years; we have a friend who was born and raised here who cannot get a new passport because his birth certificate still lists his name as "Baby Boy," and he finally--in his forties--has almost given up trying to get it fixed.)

[mithliya]

This thought might not be super well developed but I feel like in white-majority wealthy western countries there is a distinction between what is considered “civilised” white male crime and “uncivilised” crime by men of color. You can have a white man commit the same crime as a migrant man of color but the migrant man’s crime is blamed on his race, country of origin, whether or not he is there legally/documented, if he’s a refugee, etc. Meanwhile, white male citizens/immigrants/tourists commit the same crime and it’s looked at as Default Male Behavior. Like white men do Civilised Default Misogyny and Crime and men of color do Horrible Racialized Uncivilised Misogyny and Crime. I’m not excusing misogyny or violence by any man, but it’s important to note how alt-right and racist movements portray white men and their crime as “default” while men of color are exceptionally bad.

Radblr has a similar problem where white radical feminists hide their racism behind feminism. They say they “distrust all men” but often times hold extreme opinions about men of color, especially migrants, that they don’t about white men. Or they act like western governments should be able to ban male migrants from the Global South “just because they are men.”

I personally don’t hold these views but it’s how some of your anons are sounding. I’m curious what you think as someone who has immigrated to Germany from another country

i mean you basically put my views into words very well here. my issue is the obvious double-standard.

as for ~banning male immigrants~, frankly i think for a side of tumblr constantly saying not dating men is a “pipe dream”, i find it strange that they think any government would ban all males from entering their countries but would allow female immigrants & refugees. as if. i remember when i was struggling to get my visa to come to germany (primarily bc of racist singling out by the visa officers, they apparently do this all the time to women from certain brown countries), i was told by some that germany doesn’t like unmarried women of colour coming to germany bc they think we’ll just find a german man to marry and stay in the country, or that we’ll turn to prostitution.

these governments barely even punish rape to begin with, and y’all think they’d keep men out but let women in in order to protect local women? be realistic. they already discriminate against us in the process. they already tend to prefer young men bc they view them as definite additional workforce, and feel the opposite about young women bc they view us as potential burdens to the system. and they do this even more frequently to women of certain non-european, non-western nationalities. they’ve discriminated against MENA ppl so much that it had to go to court in the past and their discrimination was eventually ruled unconstitutional in germany.

but even ignoring that.. the idea of ‘ban male migrants! ban male refugees’ assumes that no woman ever would be disadvantaged by this further. many women cannot escape if not with male relatives. it’s pretty dangerous to go on a boat and try to reach another country, countless refugees lost their lives like this. female refugees often arrive with family, or went with their family, for a reason. if not with her husband, then potentially with her son, or her brother, or her father. they would also be impacted if they have to choose between leaving alone or leaving with male loved ones. especially considering how protective eastern families can be of women, like some of us have parents that don’t let us go out after a certain time even if we’re obviously adults and can make that choice for ourselves. many eastern women aren’t even allowed to study abroad bc of how possessive and protective our families can be. often males will escape first and then pay money to help their female relatives & loved ones leave more safely after them, often because of how dangerous it is to go by boat to escape. many female refugees already die on the way and there are no efforts to actually safely evacuate female refugees specifically, nor do western governments WANT to do that. the ones that don’t want immigrants & refugees don’t want ANY, they’re not going to limit it to males.

anyways yes, although men of every race & religion commit vile acts of misogyny against women, it’s sensationalised and racialised when men of certain racial backgrounds do it. and apparent “radical” feminists can’t even see past that and question who it will benefit if we argue that certain men are better than others… because that argument certainly won’t protect women, but it does prop up certain men. i thought that’s part of why we all opposed the whole “men of colour didn’t even partake in misogyny until white colonisers came!” argument but i guess not.

[oldsargasso]

You have had your hands full! Don’t worry I have ENDLESS fanon thoughts so I will do my best to keep your ask box company 😌

Yes the advantage of feeding ourselves is we get to pick the menu!! I am CERTAIN at this point that Garfield and Benz simply pulled this ship out of thin air and made up their own headcanons to fill in for their lack of screentime LMAO. And NO YOU HAVE NOT TOLD ME ABOUT THIS WIP!! HOOKUPS FOLLOWED BY BETRAYAL?? BY TONY’S TOTALLY NORMAL PA?? YES PLEASE. I am basically eagerly awaiting everything you write at this point. AND YES KENTA IS INVESTED! How can his new boyfriend keep his visa if the team’s funding gets cut? Tragic.

This is why Kim is the realest to me. He asked for none of this and just rolled with the punches when most ppl would have either kept their heads down or fucked off. Objectively The Best. (SHFKFKFJJD Try telling Kim that Tony is his new owner—see how that goes down 😆)

(You are so right as always. Kim deserves ppl kneeling at his feet.)

Double offenses against us specifically, I’ll never recover. I’LL NEVER FORGIVE THEM IF WE DON’T EVENTUALLY GET SOME SORT OF FOLLOW-THROUGH! But yes supportive bf Kenta, it’s absolutely canon, he was definitely lurking in the stands somewhere.

Winner is so iconic and I love him… (multiple timelines running in our heads to carry all of the five hundred ships this show has provided)

Please give me ALL of your thoughts about collars, I beg of you, I live for this. Kenta would ABSOLUTELY be wearing his on the regular—he needs that reassuring weight under his shirt (totally normal about it saying “Kim’s” or smth similar on the tag). Like he’s fine with being a dog as long as it means he’s a beloved pet who doesn’t get cast aside! And Winner is ABSOLUTELY the type to bitch about a collar. He prob tried to make fun of Kenta for being collared (gets almost stabbed for it), but also passive aggressively moans about “Where’s MY present?” and then bitches about the collar when he DOES get it. And I’m SCREAMING HE DESERVES TO BE MUZZLED he’d be so cute… And Dean would look SO pretty in his collar (when is he NOT pretty tho lbr). PLEASE feel free to go on about what they look like! Kim can carry the keys to the collars around his neck 😌

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FICS! The KentaDean one is basically written just for the two of us. “The system works” LMFAO RESTORATIVE JUSTICE IN ACTION? Dean thinks he’s being SUBTLE but he has the BIGGEST puppydog expression when he wants something, like he emotes SO much in comparison to Kenta and Kim.

“He’s not a narcissist he’s just oblivious” ahdjfjf OUR BELOVED DUMBASS LOSER… I love the way he was as Tony’s henchman, like “I’m gonna be SUCH a good evil henchman my parents told me I was basically overqualified for this job—you want bodyguards? I’ll GET you bodyguards. I let those guys escape but I TOTALLY foiled their little scooby-doo plot because I am the BEST henchman. I’m SOOO much better than Kenta you know like fuck that guy and his stupid handsome eyes-“ Again it’s like… he gives himself so much affirmation he doesn’t need it from others; it’s just attention he wants. He’s SO interesting! And I love the contrast of Kim’s response to Tony being “Absolutely NOT” while Winner’s is “Absolutely YES” they should fuck about it, for our enjoyment.

I’M PLACING MY BETS ON THE MV COMING OUT THIS FRIDAY (prob late evening for you?). I think they’ll save the more emotional ones for after the fanmeet next week (unless they’re only doing one MV drop a month in which case haha catch me lying deceased on the floor!) 

HOW COULD YOU BREAK MY POOR LITTLE HEART LIKE THIS?? DEAN HAVING SOMETHING WITH KIM (A FRESH START) ONLY TO END UP FEELING LIKE HE’S BEEN REPLACED… AGAIN… WHY DO WE KEEP PUTTING HIM IN SITUATIONSHIPS AND THEN MAKING HIM FEEL REJECTED. I’M HURTING 😭😭😭 I feel like having Kim’s attention would be so fulfilling? Rewarding? That the slight absence of it is like the sun going out. DEVASTATING (and DELICIOUS for me). But Pete just dropping Kenta off like Kim is running a doggy daycare is hilarious dkfjehshf I have this mental image of Pete carrying Kenta by the scruff of his neck?? And Dean is self-destructing while Kim is just. Unfazed about all of it! Dean wants him to be jealous, meanwhile Kim is like. “It’s physically impossible to be jealous of Winner. But if he hurt you, if he forced you, if you hated it, that’s a different conversation.” I just really need someone going to bat for Dean. There’s something to explore about the difference between possessiveness (what Dean wants or thinks he wants) and protectiveness (what Kim will actually provide).

I will send you five million more words about my ideas once you’ve had a chance to read the fic, since it expounds a lot on what I mentioned before and also just my feelings about our doggies. Also I’ve got like, various heat scenarios to talk about as well! 

honestly Garfield and Benz are throwing themselves into this ship with no reservations. I hope they get cast in another show together clearly they deserve to make out on camera like they want 😌

I'm honestly like. mad about that fic lmao I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote a whole bunch of it in my notes app and then when I woke up the next day I CLOSED THE NOTES WITHOUT SAVING. devastated. have to start from scratch. BUT now I'm like. it would probably work better from Kim's POV? but then I'd have to rewrite this which I really like lol :(

When Mr Tony had told Kenta to organise for Kim to be picked up from the airport and taken to the hotel, he definitely hadn't meant for Kenta to do the chauffeuring himself. But finding the loopholes in Tony's orders was how Kenta managed his life these days, so he was waiting in Arrivals in his usual black suit with a printed sign at 6pm the following Tuesday, surrounded by a group of men attired and be-signed much the same. Which was probably why Kim didn't give Kenta a second glance as he walked up. No big deal; Kenta’s used to being overlooked. “K’Kim?” he asks in polite confirmation, although he recognises Kim very well from the photographs he’s studied. Kim gives him a nod. This time he takes a good look at Kenta, sharp eyes sweeping from his carefully styled hair down to his perfectly shined shoes.

anyway then they go to Kim's hotel room and hook up and it starts from there.

Kim in the last few episodes is the BEST. he's just like "time fro breakfast! sure I'll chase down a teenager for a phone. sure I'll come along and beat up Winner in a funky jacket. sure I'll join your racing team and adopt north and sonic as my babies."

I NEED A FOLLOW UP I NEED A SPECIAL EPISODE OR A SEASON TWO. I hope we get something, even tiny crumbs, from the fanmeeting coming up. until it happens I can live in hope lmao.

!!! NOT THE KEYS THAT'S PERFECT!!! oh for sureee Kenta wears his basically all the time. its definitely black leather, right? he has a day collar something like this. or it says return to owner with Kim's details!! and then he has a more substantial collar for when they're at home, with rings for attaching a leash or ties to. yessss Winner. he doesn't care about it but also he should be given presents especially if other people are getting presents! I feel like his collar is red. probably leather as well. spiked!! or maybe something like a martingale collar so it's fine until someone pulls on it. imagine how pretty something like this would be for Dean though! or was thinking like an actual chain necklace/choker so he can wear it all the time and it's all delicate. I'm just imagining them all at the club or whatever, I think Kim deserves to hook his fingers in Kenta's collar while they're sitting drinking and pull him in until he's practically in Kim's lap. or maybe dancing and Kim tugs Dean's shirt down to show off his neck and Kim's claim.

IT WAS SO GOOD as you could probably tell by the insane comment I left. Dean has NO POKER FACE WHATSOEVER he's so easy to read!! how did he get away with any crimes!

the bad guy mv….DELIGHTFUL. even if it was just singing and dancing I love it with every part of my heart.

we keep putting Dean in this situations because he's….so pretty when he cries and is all emotional. BUT LIKE. Kim's not even stopping anything with Dean! in my head he's not even really starting anything with kenta, he's just being supportive and helping the guy integrate into society like a functioning human being. but of course nobody can use their words. Dean alwasy goes from 0-100 INSTANTLY. "It’s physically impossible to be jealous of Winner" LMAOOO. so true. askjfh PAINNNN. Dean definitely thinks he wants possessiveness - I think that's why the polycule works because Kim does offer protectiveness but I think both Winner and Kenat go for possessiveness. Winner because they're HIS things. and Kenta because he's had so little and can't lose any more. Kim is like. "unhealthy! but also…kinda hot." sometimes you just want a dude to go a little bit feral over you. okay.

!!! SEND HEAT RELATED THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY. we should also talk about designations. I think in the show they're all just. not alphas. but personally I cannot write Winner as anything but an alpha. I tend to go for the other three as betas except for the fics I started early in the show with Kenta as an alpha lol. and I just started messing about with a sci fi au where perhaps Kim's suppressant chip malfunctions and it turns out he's not a beta and now he's about to go into heat in a very cramped ship... but I'm pretty sure I can be convinced any way for these four lol.

[spaceumbredoggos]

Why do I headcanon that Ford would be against a lot of ABA practices and compliance based practices when it comes to autistic individuals and he’d be a huge neurodiverse advocate? Is it because I keep wishing he was the father I should have gotten instead of the ableist piece of shit that put me in compliance based ABA with strong usage of aversives such as heavily restricting electronic use for special interest as a bargaining chip and taking everything out of my room including myself when I would have an autistic shut down? Currently writing an AU of my self insert fic where Ford met them in 2015, two years after canon, and started mentoring them then before they had to endure abuse from both the system they were put in and Bill (I also hc that Bill made self insert’s meltdowns and issues worse from him abusing them in their nightmares.)

Do I need therapy? Yes. Am I afraid of therapy because of ABA that enabled my father’s abuse? Absolutely. Am I projecting all this bullshit on my self insert as a way to cope when I don’t get weekly visits with a therapist, which is something I need, and group therapy? Yeah. Is there any other solution besides venting to strangers on the internet and breaking the promise to myself that I wouldn’t vouch a single piece of clout to my father’s own ill doings? Please tell me because I don’t want others to go through what I’ve been through. I want to heal, but the American Neurodiversity system, like all things American, is really shitty. I wanna get my work visa and move to Canada, but at the same time, I wanna be a huge neurodiverse advocate. Why does it have to be so polarized and political to show basic human decency? The world is not black and white. I know that.

Why do I keep presenting myself onto these fictional characters as a way to escape? They’re not real and it’s not therapy. And I don’t wanna keep clouded on what should have happened because it’s unhealthy. But how the fuck else am I supposed to process?

[corruptedplaylist]

act iii: final notes

edit: 4/9/2024: added some more stuff!!! i'll put this emoji 🫧 next to the new things so u know where to scroll.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I FINISHED MY FIRST FULL LENGTH FIC HOLD ON LEMME JUST THROW UP IN THE CORNER REAL QUICK

i am sooooooo normal rn anyways let's get into it thank u for having me on the show, mr. kimmel. i've had a raging headache all day so the content underneath each sections will be kinda short. i'll go through and add more to it once i recover but i wanted to get this up before the week got too busy!

krolia

guys…. im so sorry for the angst….. it was necessary for the plot…….

maybe it’s just me projecting but in the actual show, i kind of wish we had seen more of the emotional fallout that occurred after krolia revealed that she was keith’s mom. because let’s be real here, there’s no way that keith’s traumatized ass would just willingly accept her back into his life. he’d have questions. he’d be in disbelief. it’s hard for him to open up to others and he carries a lot of hurt from being abandoned.

it was crucial in the course of this fic to have that confrontation between krolia and keith. it's not always going to be rainbows and sunshine, and even though they both missed each other deeply, you don't just automatically connect and forget everything that's happened. even if keith hadn't gone into the foster system, he definitely would have carried a lot of anger and hurt towards krolia when she shows back up. i'm sure that things won't just be smooth sailing and they'll need to hash things out multiple times as they rebuild their relationship but that first fight was a big hurdle to get over.

if you’re curious, i have a whooollleeee backstory for what happened with krolia and why she couldn’t get back to her kid. i couldn’t really fit it into the fic but i’ll put it right here for those who are interested:

2000: krolia in the US on student visa, first year of of PhD program

krolia meets heath and they fall in love

2003: krolia gives birth to keith

2008: krolia finishes grad school/PhD program/doctoral degree and applies for a work visa 

2009: she and heath and baby keith are living their life but krolia’s parents find out and are like girl you need to come home NOW or we will disown you 

krolia’s family are really wealthy and powerful 

krolia: i’ll come back for you guys idk how but i will 

krolia goes back to the states

2009-2011: she and heath write letters but then the letters start getting intercepted by the family and eventually peters out

krolia in arranged marriage and thinks her partner forgot about her or didn’t care

meanwhile heath doesn’t know what happened to krolia but can’t do anything about it bc she’s in a diff country and he doesn’t speak korean

2011: heath and keith move to texas for job or whatever

heath tells keith all about krolia and how she loves him but can’t be there and obvi that fucks keith up bc he misses his mom but where tf is she? how does he know she loves him if she’s not even there? he's a little kid

2013: heath dies and keith is put into the system

heath has no other family members

krolia put her english name on the birth certificate and so ofc she doesn’t exist in the US

texas social services try to reach out to krolia along with some friends but letters are intercepted

2016: someone reaches out to krolia after she finally gets facebook 

friend: thinking of you. miss you. so sorry about heath

krolia: …. what the fuck about heath?

friend: uhhhhhhhh

krolia goes on rampage to her family like wtf u mean u didn’t tell me that the father of my child is dead

cousin shows up with the intercepted letters (official notice from social services, heath’s letters and pictures, keith’s little notes and drawings)

krolia starts the process of legally and financially emancipating herself from her family (she basically was Britney’d)

2017/2018: finally is free and able to get a job in the states

starts tracking down heath (they only had a forwarding address for krolia so they’re like wtf who is this bih)

at this point, keith has already met the shiroganes and changed his name

krolia is in a different state and can only do so much 

spends the next few years trying to find him, hires P.I., again keep running into blocks bc social workers and case managers are NOT going to budge on giving up keith's personal information

2023, winter break: krolia reaches out to keith through facebook but it goes into his spam since they’re not facebook friends

allura

what better allegory for sacrificing yourself to save the universe is there than graduating college? in all fairness, i felt like sticking to the notion of allura saying goodbye and leaving the group had its merit, just y’know, i wanted to take a step down from the whole dying thing. i tried to pay homage to the canon material as much as possible while also providing my own spin on things.

one thing that’s been important to me is depicting allura as a college student. sure, while i think most iterations of allura as a kind and a great leader and intelligent are great, even in modern au fics, i just wish there had been a bit more... silliness? outside of her being like the girlboss, the hell yeah supporting character or love interest or bone-tired leader, i always wonder what she would have been like if she hadn't had to save the universe and was just trying to heal on her own terms. yeah, i nerfed her parents in this universe but i tried to showcase her doing normal college things as well, like presenting at research conferences, getting a bit messy drunk, having pizza nights and group hang outs. the funny thing about grief is that life does not stop for it, so you have to just figure things out along the way.

i also didn't want to elaborate too much on her relationship with lotor. she didn't magically heal from that one conversation with lance in chapter 8 but i wanted the readers to get a taste of what was going on in her head through their dialogue. plus, it was a little moment to show how she was allowing herself to open up to other people like lance. no one woman is an island, no matter how much of a bad b!tch you are.

🫧 also, i wanted to include it somewhere but basically, keith knew allura and romelle were hooking up since chapter 14! keith caught romelle sneaking out of allura's room early one morning and he just kept it to himself because snitches get stitches.

pidge

they are so precious to me. they're an amalgamation of 2 of my closest friends, and well, me.

i always knew that pidge was going to be a super important piece in klance development. while lance and keith are great friends, i think pidge played a crucial role in bridging them together in the beginning, before the two of them had cleared up their misunderstandings and made that truce. sure, allura asked them to be on the paintball team but pidge really forced the two of them into close quarters. lance might have extended the offer to keith to hand out without pidge or he might not have. honestly, i'm not really sure. but pidge inviting keith to hang out in chapter 4 was a quiet but big moment because both keith and lance are friends with pidge and will set aside their differences long enough to tolerate each other's presence in a shared space. pidge just has #babyofthefriendgroup privileges.

🫧 i honestly think that after the main two, pidge has undergone the most growth (physically and emotionally) throughout the fic, even though they're a supporting character. we can all benefit from community and friendship but i think pidge needed it a little bit more.

🫧 i partially wrote pidge to represent my younger self, especially when i first attended college. i was scared and alone and i had never been away from home and it was a struggle to form new relationships (and figure out my gender identity. mannnnnn fuck that). it was nice to see pidge find their place and niche among the greater social fabric of college, kind of like comforting my younger self for all the loneliness and uncertainty i endured.

hunk

i love hunk so dearly. ngl, i wanted him to have a bigger arc than he did but hopefully i did a decent job at making feel more well-rounded as a supporting character. i decided to actually kind of lean into this distance in the later chapters as well, esp from lance's pov, as they both got busier. at the end of the day, though, i knew that those two would come back together. hunk is a kind and sympathetic friend and his and lance's friendship will persevere because they're good communicators. their little talk in chapter 17 was me talking to myself and to anyone else who has went through a similar thing where they find themselves drifting a little farther from a friend.

people get busy and that's okay! there will be ebbs and flows in every relationship. even though shared history is a crucial part of a friendship but it can't be the only thing that will keep it going. you need to nurture it and tend to it in order for it to keep it alive and flourishing. hunk understands this and he and lance will be just fine after their talk. hunk is probably the most emotionally intelligent person after adam in the group, and i'm glad he was there to help both lance and keith out when they needed it.

adam

this man!!!!! got i have gotten so fucking attached to adam throughout this fic. he is so dear to me. i know in chapter 10 i wrote from adam's pov and he's a goofy guy in his twenties who's just trying to be a good dad friend but somehow he ended up being a voice of reason and comfort for klance in this fic. lance misses his family a lot and i think adam can not only relate to lance with the homesickness but also lance has started to rely on him a bit like he would with his siblings.

i wanted to try my own spin on adam and keith's relationship. i've seen fics where adam and keith hate each other, don't interact much, or adam takes on a parenting role towards keith as a kid. i wanted to look at keith and adam in the context of two people who both love shiro and then grow to be good friends/surrogate brother-in-law? idk. long story short, adam is very emotionally intelligent and i think he genuinely wanted to get to know keith outside of his connection with shiro and was patient enough to coax keith out of his shell. i tried to write in small ways adam takes care of keith like giving him LactoJoys because Keith likes the taste better than Lactaids, being there for him for his panic attack, adding food to his plate. things that won't draw too much attention, because we all know how keith is about receiving acts of kindness.

i mentioned this in a comment under one of the chapters but all of the advice adam gives keith is either advice i personally received myself or something i wish i could tell my younger self. i hope those words bring you comfort as well!

shiro

i had a lot more planned for shiro but goddammit i had no fucking time or space at this panned out. it's more so klance's story than shiro's.

look, there's a small moment in chapter 18 where shiro is very pleased (and a little surprised) that keith has talked about him with krolia. it has less to do with his faith in keith and more with how he sees himself. shiro has already acknowledged that he has heavy imposter syndrome and deals with his own struggles with self image. it's just always a jolt to your system when someone (could be your own family or your partner of years) validates your relationship.

shiro loves keith very much and just wants to be the best big brother. he has such eldest child syndrome, where he tries to pretend that everything is fine even though things are actually crumbling around him. the thing is, though, you can't build intimacy— real, lasting intimacy and depth in a relationship— without being vulnerable. shiro understands that even though he wants keith to work on opening up, he has to do the same and reciprocate the actions, or else neither of them will really get anywhere and be stuck in that loop of "are you mad at me/i feel like you're hiding something from me/i don't really know who you are."

i tried writing a bit from shiro's pov but i quickly realized that that would drastically change the tone of the fic so i had to scrap it. i might post a little oneshot in the distant future with adashi, though.

keith

🫧 i've talked about this before but although i think keith grew the most as a character in the canon show, that shit was WAY too fast and off-screen. also, i know that the whole found family trope is what drew a lot of fans to voltron in the first place (like me) but is the found family in the room with us rn? i felt like they all started to fall apart or at least weren't as close as the show wanted us to believe. it felt a lot like telling with no showing. other than some occasional moments in the show, the whole #teamasfamily felt hollow.

🫧 i wanted to build on this potential found family for keith's character. he's never had a support system before and he's used to pushing people away but now he has a whole ass friend group that's ready to fight for him if he gives the word.

🫧 initially, when i was writing keith's pov and trying to get a feel for his voice and tone, i struggled a bit. keith is one of those characters that i liked and sympathized with, but getting into his head was a whole different story. i'm more of a lance kinnie but once i got the hand of keith's voice, it was a lot easier. some of my best pieces of writing are from keith's pov! i tried to be as cognizant of keith's development as much as possible as i wrote (think me having various checkpoints for his journey whereas with lance i could just coast on vibes), and i'm pleased with how far he's come.

🫧 although both keith and lance's progress can showcased through their consciousness and thoughts (like duh ur reading from their povs), i leaned into keith's behavior as a way to portray his progress a bit more than lance. things like him being more open to physical affection, not sitting on the outskirts of group dynamics and sticking to shiro, and allowing himself to collect things, which by the way:

🫧 i like the idea of keith's room, once being so empty and ghost-like, is now full of stuff, mementos of his relationships that he's built. i tried to sprinkle in some relics from past chapters (paintball flag, polaroids, ticket stubs), as well add some new tidbits, like shiro giving him a cacti and that korean cookbook!

proud of u, keith bby <3

lance and marco

no i did not just torture lance for the sake of torturing him i would never do that to my boy.

i know this is a fanfiction, but from the start, i wanted to ground this fic in reality and breathe some life into it. lance's little arc with his brother having a substance abuse problem was loosely inspired by events in my personal life.

🫧 i'm not saying that everyone goes through something as drastic as a loved one going to rehab, but as young adults, when we leave home for uni, jobs, other opportunities, etc, there's this worry that something bad will happen while we're away. and often times it does. someone gets sick, a beloved pet passes away, it's all bound to happen. your childhood becomes a thing of the past, and things that you thought would stay the same just won't.

i projected a lot of my feelings onto lance ngl, and writing him work through his own grief and guilt over not being able to be with his family when they're going through a crisis helped me process a little bit more.

although lance had a happier ending than a lot of families might get in reality, i still wanted to show lance having a support system at college and realizing that he has a second family to lean on, and people who love and support him. he doesn't have to pretend to be okay for anyone and that's okay.

black paladin lance or as close to it as i could get

it was so important for me to make lance the new captain of their paintball team, as a stand-in for the black paladin arc he could have had in the show. he’s always been a selfless guy who puts others first and really pulls up when he needs to. he deserves to be recognized for that. not only did every single one of his friends validate him, but the person he looks up to the most literally endorsed him. lance struggles with his inferiority complex and the election scene was a little feel good moment for me, personally, so that he could receive the acknowledgement he deserves, especially with his growth. he's gonna be an awesome team captain (he'll be shuffling down to shiro's room at 2am covered in hickeys and talking about paintball strategies).

wrapping up loose ends

i tried to wrap up as many loose ends as possible and give all the characters a proper send-off. originally i wanted lance and hunk to also move into the house in castle street, like repurpose the basement or something but i realized that that just wasn’t possible because most college basements don’t even have heating or like,,,, a livable arrangement.

ultimately, i think it makes sense for pidge to be the one to take up allura’s room at the house. pidge has lived a single during the academic year but they also had lance and hunk right fifty feet away so it’s not like they REALLY lived alone that year. there was also the logistics of the house having a vacant room, and as much as i would have loved to have all of voltron under the same roof (hunk and pidge sharing a room, keith and lance sharing a room), i think they would kill each other. pidge filling in the gap felt like the right move. and lance and hunk are gonna be over a lot anyways, so it’s not like much has changed in the trio's group dynamic.

🫧 what was your favorite chapter to write?

i think i have different chapters in mind for different reasons, even if it's a copout answer. here are the chapters that are dearest to me:

chapter 4: recalibration this is the chapter where i really got to play around with character interactions. keith and lance's worlds were beginning to integrate in chapter 3 but in this chapter, i got to explore different friendships, like keith & pidge and lance & hunk, and the dynamics they entailed. you can see how important these friendships are to both lance and keith, and how their connection with others eventually helps them to reflect on their previous feelings toward each other, like "hmm maybe i've been too harsh with the other."

chapter 10: let's go to the beach the group dynamics were so solidified to this point, and it was so fun to write. i loved writing from adam's pov and being able to zoom out and showcase klance's relationship progression.

the winter break interludes i waxed poetic about these in a previous faq but to reiterate: i'm really pleased with the way each individual chapter turned out. i love a good character study, and it was a great challenge to my writing and characterization to dig deeper into their home lives and see how the past confronted the present, where their respective childhoods were brought into the light, and how long-held notions of belonging, home, and identity were challenged and remolded.

chapter 17: warm and light my beta reader drunkenguac said that this was some of my best writing and i've been coasting off of that validation for the past 4 months. keith's reunion with his mother was especially cathartic for me. as an adoptee, writing this chapter honestly helped me work through some of my feelings about my adoption as i pictured what it would look like if i was ever reunited with my birth mother. i'm very fortunate that i didn't have to go through the same experiences keith did, but i tried to imbue as much humanness as possible into his section.

chapter 18: moving on it just felt like a proper send-off, the one that we never got from s8 of voltron. i wanted the last chapter to basically have this vibe of "hey, things won't be the same but it's going to be okay because we have each other." when shiro tells matt in the end, "we'll still be here," that's me as the author, telling you, the reader, that this fic will still be here whenever you want to revisit it. it was a comfort to write and i've heard that it's a comfort to read, which is so so so gratifying. when i set out to write this fic in august of 2023, i didn't have any plans of grandeur or even expect like more than 100 people read it— it was just a passion project that i decided to share, and i'm glad that others have sought safety in it. outside of fandom, this fic is a love letter to my own college experience. i remember reading a college au fic when i was still in high school and lonely and closeted and repressed and wondering if i would ever be able to get out of my hometown and find a community as tightly-knit as the fic portrayed it. in a way, i got to reflect on my college experience by writing looking out for you. i find solace in this fic when i read back over it, and i can see aspects of my adventures throughout my freshman and sophomore and junior and senior years, waving from behind a thinly veiled curtain. this fic is dedicated to all the people who made my college experience.

anyways that's me rambling for now! thank you again to everyone who has tuned into looking out for you. this is the first piece of creative writing i've done in a long time, and i never expected to actually finish it. i'm so happy with the way it turned out and the love it's received. until next time!

[j-exclamationmark-l]

Finally in America.

My mom is dying, hardly wakes up due to morphine.

My partner is in Japan. It's been a nightmare trying to bring him over here. I am so worried about being around my dad. I don't have money for a hotel room and am staying with him. He put me through so much emotional abuse when I was younger. I am still taking medicine to deal with the trauma. I tried five years of therapy but all my therapists could say was, "Why on earth did your dad do that?" And no one could help me because they couldn't get over how bizarre he is. I've even been asked what I did to deserve it. I need my partner here with me for support...

My brother called me Tuesday morning last week (October 8) to tell me my mom's condition deteriorated. He said wait before I make a move, he wanted to confirm with the doctors before I flew over and put my job in jeopardy.

Wednesday, October 9, my brother said please come. My partner and I both tried the US embassy's website, on his computer, on my computer, on my ipad and phone, on his phone, but the website kept kicking us out every time we tried to fill out a field.

Thursday, October 10, he finally was able to access the website and they told him to wait 24 hours while they put his information in the system before he could even have the option of trying to apply for a visa.

Friday, October 11, he was finally able to ask for an interview. They made him confirm several times that he has to pay $300 to even schedule an interview and that this money is non refundable. After he confirmed he understood, we found out the earliest available slot was January 2025. My mom doesn't have that long. We called and pleaded with the embassy and they said we could mark it an emergency and that they'd get back to us within three business days. That meant they would not touch his paperwork over the weekend.

I decided to fly out without him and wait for him here. My work said they'll have to let me go because real people devoted to the company shouldn't care about their mothers dying.

Monday, October 14, was a holiday and no one was willing to deal with my partner.

Tuesday, October 15, he was told he was approved to have an interview the next day, October 16. Then they actually told him to stop calling because if he annoyed them, they'd put his paperwork back further out of spite.

Wednesday, October 16 (time difference and all), he finally had his interview. He brought all the medical documents talking about my mom's condition. He said the interviewer listened to him and then denied his visa because she said, and I'm paraphrasing what he told me, she thought there was a possibility I'd want to stay here, and he wouldn't want to leave me and he'd become an illegal alien. She also encouraged him to apply again, even today, and said "There's a chance you'll get interviewed by someone other than me and they'll feel more sympathetic toward you and give you a visa." I'm so mad that they're basically admitting the ruling was arbitrary and they're telling him go back and spend $300 to try again, don't give up.

I'm so angry and upset and don't know what to do. I feel so alone and isolated during a time I need someone with me more than ever. I mentioned the other day to my dad I was expecting my partner to fly in any day now. My dad scoffed and said there was no way they'd let my partner in. I'm furious thinking he's right.

I don't know what to do. I sent an email to the embassy pleading my partner's case from my end and mentioning things like why I need my partner here to support me and how my dad has been blaming my brother and me for being such bad children that our mother made the conscious decision to get sick because she hates us. He's making our distress worse and having someone supportive like my partner around would make things easier. My partner also wants to meet her before she passes. I don't have ties here besides my mom and brother and want to go back to Japan as soon as possible.

I don't know what else to do. I don't even know if they'll read it, or if I was too emotional. If anyone has any advice...

I feel so lost and alone.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 12

"And what did it look like?" These are the details I need for later. "Why do you want to know?" He asks. "Well, because I have a body to identify later." Actually, I would have liked to say this more appropriately, because his reaction to this is as expected. "Sorry. What?" with big eyes he looks at me. "It's really not that difficult. Look, the FBI doesn't have a clue what you look like. Otherwise they would have shown your mug shot everywhere. Besides, I'm the only one you had close contact with, they know that." I explain and wait a moment. "This is what I am going to do. I'm going to tell them the whole story. That Thomas let me into the group. That you convinced me to help search for Hannah. That she was a friend from before. And she had asked you for help. Probably suspecting you could hack. At first I was a bit reluctant to be in contact with you, but we quickly grew close." I wait to continue talking for a moment to see if he can follow me. "I'm still following you." He confirms.

"Well, after I tell them some details about our theories and findings. Will I tell them that Richy actually wanted to lure me to the mine. But that instead, I convinced Alan to go. I found out that you had also chosen to go and you were already in the mine when Alan finally got there." Now I fell silent, this time not to see if he was still following. But because this is the part that had torn me apart for a year. The thought of it, makes me sad again. "Are you OK?" His caring tone makes me feel the tears come up again. Quickly I wipe my eyes dry with my sleeve. "Yeah, no. I don't know." I answer quickly. "Anyway, I will tell them that after your last message, the mine went up in flames. That I heard nothing from you after that and my worst nightmare came true yesterday. You never left the mine."

Even though I had wiped my eyes dry several times by now, they were streaming freely. "I really thought you were dead, you know. That I would never see you again. It felt like I was going crazy from not knowing." With difficulty, I can say the words out loud. "I'm so sorry. I should never have assumed you'd be over me within no time. I should have let you know something." He uncertainly puts his hand on my knee. "You really were convinced I could forget you so easily?" I shake my head slightly in disbelief "You thought you were in love with me. While the other way around it is just the same.". He remains silent, though his eyes tell me enough. "So that's why I need all those details, you see." I talk on quickly. "Somewhere in the story I tell them that not long before you went to the mine, you called me by a video call. Therefore I know what you were wearing." This is where I stop my explanation.

He cleared his throat a little, to get rid of the lump he was probably feeling. "That's genius. Bizarre, but genius." He blinks his eyes a bit to process what I just had said and then continues "They won't find anything of me, I know they have already started a DNA search. But I beat them to that. The DNA they find will not be linked to... Mark..." he sighs "To spare you the details of that, I'll just say that my name is above Mark's DNA in the systems and visa versa.". "So in other words, they can only rely on my statement?" I complement him. "Yes, that's what it comes down to." He confirms.

It is dark in the bedroom, only a small stream of light from the lamppost in front of the window shimmers past the curtain. Jake had offered that I could sleep in his bed and he would take the sofa. That was about three quarters of an hour ago and I can't get a wink of sleep. Apart from all the details he had told me that go through my head, it feels strange lying here alone. Very quietly, I crawl out of bed and open the door of the room. Looking towards the sofa, I see Jake lying down, with no blankets or anything. His breathing sounds restless and occasionally I see a shiver pass over his body.

I don't know what comes over me, but a huge desire to crawl against him overpowers me. I turn to the bed and carefully pull off the duvet and take it with me to the living room. As quietly as I can, I place the blanket over him and crawl on the sofa to lay next to him. As if we have always done these things, I feel him shift a little to make more room for me and put his arm around me. I wiggle a little to lie more snugly on which he disappears with his face into my neck. "I didn't think I was in love with you, I am still in love with you." He whispers softly against my skin.

[wistfulcynic]

in December 2008 i moved permanently from the USA to the UK and promptly got an ear infection. It was intensely painful, like an ice pick through my skull. i took some OTC painkiller and lay in bed, moaning and miserable. 

my (English) husband looked at me like i’d grown a third head. 

“if it’s that bad why don’t you just go to the doctor?” he said. 

“i--i can go to the doctor in this country!” was my reply. 

at that time, it had probably been 5-6 years since i’d seen a doctor. Not since i stopped being on my dad’s insurance. Even when i’d had my own insurance (via my grad school institution as part of my teaching assistantship compensation, the same insurance as the professors had. Probably pretty good. Still too confusing and scary for me) i never felt like i had the spare cash to cover a copay, was always afraid that what i needed wouldn’t be covered by the insurance. i ignored an abscess in my mouth for weeks until it finally burst in a geyser of pus you definitely don’t want me to go into further detail about, because i was worried that would count as dental and i didn’t have dental coverage. 

you get the picture. Health care in the US sucks hard. 

when my ear was infected, my husband phoned his local GP surgery (with which i was not registered, i was an immigrant on a spouse visa, only arrived the previous week), got me an appointment later that day. They saw me, diagnosed me, gave me a prescription for antibiotics for which i paid (i think, at the time) roughly £7. Cleared up in a few days. 

all i paid for was the prescription. 

some years later my husband made me go to the doctor again. i was having random symptoms i wasn’t even sure were symptoms, a weird laundry list of stuff that could be connected or could be nothing. i went to the GP with this list, worried that they’d take one look at a heavyset woman and immediately go “lose weight fatty!” or “diabetes!” They did not. The doctor was a young-ish woman who listened carefully to everything i told her, looked at my list of symptoms, and said “we’ll test for other things, but I’m 99% sure this is a problem with your thyroid. i’m going to start you on some medicine while we wait for the test results.” 

prescriptions were by then something in the neighbourhood of £8. 

a few days later i got a call from the lab that had run my blood tests. They told me that my thyroid levels were through the roof, so high they were actively dangerous. Cardiac arrest was a likely outcome if it was left untreated. They advised me to get a prescription immediately, and were audibly relieved when i told them i already had one. 

if i’d not been living in a country with free-at-the-point-of-service health care, i would not have seen a doctor. The NHS saved my life. 

why am i going on about this? Well. It’s because NHS workers have planned a strike for later this month, and the press are already on the attack. Fearmongering about how this will throw the system into chaos, patients will go untreated, etc etc blah blah all with the very unsubtle spin of “blame the workers. Blame the strikers. They’re putting your lives in danger.” 

zero mention of how dire the situation is in many hospitals. Not enough nurses (because Brexit among other reasons) and the ones we do have are overworked and underpaid. Too many patients not enough beds. Old buildings, old equipment. 

none of which is a problem with the system. The system’s great. The system works. The problem is the predatory Tory government who would love nothing more than a privatised, US-style insurance-based healthcare system off of which they and their cronies can profit. The problem is how the government has been starving the NHS of funds for over a decade, under the guise of “austerity” and how we all need to muck in together. Except them, obviously. They’re different. 

the problem is absolutely not the people striking because they, like nearly all of us in this country, are shamefully underpaid. Because they deserve compensation for their hard and dangerous work. Compensation they are not being given, despite their attempts at negotiation. 

whenever collective action happens there are always people eager to blame the workers. Greedy nurses, refusing to treat us when we need them because they think their pay is more important. How dare they? They have a responsibility to do their jobs! i am urging all my UK mutuals and anyone who reads this not to be taken in by these spurious arguments or any spin doctoring from the news rags. Side with the workers! Side with the nurses. Side with the people who want the NHS well-funded and thriving. A robust national health service is a universal good. Ours is creaky and wobbling but that is from mistreatment, not because the principle is unsound. i promise you, however frustrating you find the NHS, an American-style system is far, far worse. 

[saratravel]

So let's talk about yesterday. It's a loooong story so sit tight.

The day before as I was resting up from finishing up Vilnius sightseeing, I started looking ahead to the next days. I was to pick up a car at 8 but my hotel breakfast started at 8 and I wasn't going to pass up a free meal so I accepted that I'll get to the car around 9.

Pick up car (was going to take public transit but decided it was easier to grab a Bolt), hit up an ATM, go see castles on the way to Kaunas, see an art collection/sightsee in Kaunas to kill time until 3pm check in. Since it's a Sunday, the place I'm renting from isn't in office, but I am told everything is set up for me. This was the part that was worrying me, plus figuring out what to do with me car. There's street parking, I'm told, but the American in me is iffy about public street parking.

I fret. I fret a lot. I sleep only two hours. But there's no way out than through it, so I start my day with my breakfast and head on out. At 8, I paid the remainder of my hotel charge with my card and pay for my Bolt to the car rental.

At the car rental, I pull out my card to pay. No big deal, I've used it twice before. The guy behind the counter looks at the receipt printed in Lithuanian:

"It says the payment is over the limit?"

I freeze "....what? I have not been told about a limit."

We try again, same thing. My phone starts buzzing, informing me of the blocked charges. Usually, either by text or email, I'm able to respond somehow to say no there are valid and try again. There is no such option this time.

The cashier suggests trying to break the sum in two. The first one goes through- great! The second is blocked "the payment is over limit." So we're thinking there may be a daily limit. A daily limit I have never been informed of.

"And it's the middle of the night in the US..." says the cashier.

"I was given a 24hr number, let me go yell at someone."

I call. Robo-call answer, please give your card number to look up.... Sorry, I can't find it, let me connect you to a representative.

I wait 5 minutes. A tired call center representative picks up. "Can you give me your number...." As robotic as the robo-call machine, he says every 30 seconds, "Please wait one moment....."

Until 5 minutes later, finally, "our systems have not been working. I can try to look up your account via social security number as well...."

I explain my situation. I'm in Europe, I'm trying to rent a car.... "I would be happy to help you, but our system is down. Please call again in 1-2 hours after we have re-set the system."

"But I'm stuck here."

"I would be happy to help you, but-"

I begrudgingly thank him and hang up. I ask the cashier if it's possible to pay for the other half with a card number. It's a little embarrassing calling up Mommy to help when you're a 30 year old woman, but I know she would be happy to do all she can. But, it's about 2am where my family is, and midnight where my husband is. No one answers their phones. At a loss, I contact my friend in Norway, where it is about 8 am, to at least have someone to talk through the situation.

At this point, the worst that would really happen is I sit in a car rental waiting area until the Visa servers work. I have about 10 euros cash on me, plenty for meals here. I had eaten a big breakfast, so I wasn't hungry anyway and still had a few back-up snacks. It's a safe area, and I'm right by the airport, so I could probably find a physical exchange booth for the rest of my US cash. It is an inconvenience, but nothing is risking personal harm. I remind myself of this as I continue to problem solve.

Then, my Norwegian friend sends a life raft. He offers to front the other half. I nearly begin to cry. We have been close friends for a decade and both of us have treated the other to airfare (I had gathered money from our friend group to come visit us in America in 2015 and he and another in that group surprised me with tickets to Reykjavik in 2018). I wish I could fully put into words how much I cherish him as a friend. He demands 400 hugs as payment when we meet in Helsinki. I think I can do that (and also pay him back the money, of course).

Once the car is paid, they hand me a key and. I am on my way. It's castle day, so let's drive to the castles and call my bank again. It also happens to be Father's Day in Lithuania so the castle and outer lake area is packed. I find street parking and sacrifice 2,50 euros for an hour of parking. I use some of the time to call Visa back, as it had been about two hours since the first call. The woman who answers explains again that the servers are down but they are definately working on it. Cards have been declined and no one can access accounts, I'm so sorry for the inconvenience.

I explain my situation again.

"Oh, that is not good."

"No.... no, it's not."

"Please call back in 1-2 hours."

".....Okay, thank you."

I get out of my car and start walking to the castle. The original plan was to go inside, maybe take a tour. There are two castles in the area- one on an island and one in a peninsula. I go to the island one and try to clear my mind to enjoy the view. There are boat rentals, souvenir shops, and some interesting peddlers selling knick-knacks such as wooden bird call whistles. It's much easier to walk past when you have no money, though, so I press forward.

Along with the father's day crowd, it's also just very crowded with tourist groups. I take some pictures of the outside and inside (before the ticket booth) and give a quick walk around the outside. Then, I have an idea. A bit of a crazy one, but it may just work.

My itinerary was to do castles and Kaunas sightseeing. The next day was the big driving trip to The Hill of Crosses, roughly 2hr from Kaunas and 2hr to my next accommodations in Kleipeda. It's way out there, but this is one sight I really did not want to miss. Since the car is paid for and has a full tank of gas, and the Hill of Crosses is free to see, I would likely not need to use my card for hours. It's a 2.5 hour drive from where I was.... that should give Visa plenty of time to sort their shit out.

And this is the nice thing about solo travel. I don't need to confirm this plan with anyone else. I don't need to worry about another person's needs. Don't need to do restroom stops or food runs for anyone but me. And I grew up running up and down I35 in Texas for hours, so I'm more than ready for a spontaneous trip. I can assess myself, balance my resources, and do what I need to do for no one else but me. I hop back in my car and set off....

That's all for this post, it all resolved in the end and I have cash and can use my card again! But I need to start my day so I'll post more about the drive and The Hill of Crosses later.

[hope-of-virgo]

goals 2024

so it's around about the time of year where i make resolutions, and fortunately my schedule will start clearing up around may. perfect time to fill up my schedule again.

compete in a pole competition didn't get to do this last year due to getting surgery about 6 weeks prior to the performance date, and was like "hmm better not push my luck on the recovery". turns out that was a great decision, i was out of action for about 3 months after a complication. i've got my song picked out and a basic idea of where i'm going with the choreo, and that's a decent amount of the work out of the way. there's also a distinct possibility that my aerial dance sport will impact negatively on my career if it ever comes to light, so i'm determined to actually accomplish something in that space before i'm forced to choose between my sport and my job. also, not to mention the elephant in the room, but i'm also approaching 35 years old and on a functional level your body does start to break down as you get older. i might not be able to do it forever, and i'd like to do something cool while i still can.

change jobs didn't just do a social work qualification to not use it. child protection is hiring anyone with a qualification and a heartbeat, to the point that they're hiring people on working holiday visas to fill the skills gap. my current workplace is getting even more toxic than usual (@gotouhitori and @tamaaya68000 have been trying to convince me for l i t e r a l l y years to change jobs, ever since that one awesome time i came home from work and tried to do the big yeet. turned into 3 weeks off work due to mental health instability, and nearly 3 years later i'm still fucking there, somehow. work's in the process of hiring a "change management consultant" not just for the hospital redevelopment but also for the electronic medical record, and "change management" and "layoffs" typically go hand in hand.

take a course in data analytics my area of professional interest is, amongst other things, how harm minimisation practices and other proactive measures save the social services system money in the long run. i already have qualifications in accounting and statistics, and i'm not likely to want to stay in client-facing positions forever. typically lobbying government etc tends to be more effective when you can present actual dollar amounts as to what inaction is costing them, and in these Troubling Economic Times, they're looking to save money wherever possible. my clinical coding quals also come in handy here; they added a 5th character to some f-block codes to track presence of methamphetamine, for fuck's sake, you'd be stupid to not do something with that data. the intersection of social issues and healthcare has been interesting to me for years, and there's definitely room to affect change in that space.

change my ~*aesthetic*~ i've basically been living in my work uniforms for the last 5 years, and i'm trying to create a better work-life balance, which starts by changing clothes. a recent discovery is that an aesthetic i really enjoy in my personal life is "cool art teacher", even if my work attire still trends as "slutty librarian", which isn't something i'm looking to change. i've also never had the chance to do anything with my hair, and it's going to look a bit like a midlife crisis, but it's part of the Process.

hit platinum in a competitive game league is the low-hanging fruit on this one, but i'm not sure whether there's a high enough population on the oceanic server to get decent competitive matchmaking integrity above mid-gold. i'd do magic arena, but there's no ranked competitive for the only format i'm interested in (historic brawl), and i'm not looking to sink like $300 into keeping up with standard.

finish some knitting projects i cast on a crop top this time last year and it's still not fucking done. i'm kinda gun-shy on the entire hobby due to suffering a bit of a trauma last year, and i tend to put down whatever i was doing at the time the trauma happened. case in point: when me eating was so intrinsically linked to someone specific and then they broke up with me, i ate barely anything for nearly 18 months.

start collecting movies, music, and tv shows on physical media i'm generally against piracy when there are other options available; i'm kinda cracking the shits with a lot of digital services at the moment due to every studio and distributor under the sun having their fucking hands out. hell no i'm not paying an additional fee to paramount plus simply to watch star trek discovery, fuck that. sure it's irritating to have to change cds, and there's still a place for streaming music in my life, but artists already see a small enough slice of the pie and smaller bands like cry club and teenage joans really rely on shit like merch and record sales to get by.

this will likely have stuff added to it as i remember, but i've spent long enough dicking around writing this rather than getting ready for my house inspection next week, so

[no1frogfan]

Desire lines, part 3

Kuroo x afab reader

Series synopsis: Against his wishes, Kuroo must hire a personal assistant. You’re not exactly the right person for the job, but it’s a job, and you need the money. Inspired by Robert Macfarlane’s definition of desire lines in landscapes: “paths and tracks made over time by the wishes and feet of walkers, especially those paths that run contrary to design or planning.”

Chapter word count: ~2k

Chapter tags & warnings: none afaik

Note: Back with more Desire lines because this is where my brain finds comfort right now

Series masterlist part 2 | part 4

3. On track

Your first meeting at JVA ends up being less scary than you feared, although with very little knowledge of the institutional structure of volleyball in Japan, it was difficult to follow the conversation. (Something about changing the recruitment system for next year? Maybe?) Still, you take notes as best you can, figuring you can always ask Kuroo to fill you in later.

You make a mental note to brush up on the basics of volleyball too — rules, leagues, teams. It’s been too long since you worked with Iwa and you need to refamiliarize yourself with the endless lingo.

You’re just finishing up the meeting minutes when Kuroo reappears at your side.

“Ready to make the rounds?”

He leads you out of the meeting room, weaving through the desks, into the elevator, up one floor, and through another cluster of desks until you reach an office. The door is massive, dark wood stretching from floor to ceiling.

A sharply-dressed man, maybe in his mid- to late-20s, looks up from the desk stationed outside.

“Good morning, Kuroo-san,” He says with a smile, “Please go on in. Nishida-san is expecting you.”

“Morning Kimura. Thank you.”

You hastily neaten your clothes and straighten your posture before Kuroo nudges the door open.

“Nishida-san, pardon the interruption. I’ve brought my new assistant to meet you.”

Nishida looks up over the rim of his reading glasses as Kuroo ushers you in.

You both stop awkwardly in the middle of the room and he introduces you, making sure to emphasize your experience with simultaneous interpretation. Kuroo also…embellishes…your administrative experience, but thankfully not too egregiously.

“A pleasure to be working here, sir,” you add after he finishes.

The meeting with Nishida is mercifully brief. He probes a little into your work and educational history, and appears particularly pleased about your experience with interpretation. Other than that, he doesn’t seem to care much about anything else, waving you both off after a few pleasantries.

You’re also introduced to Nishida’s assistant, Kimura-san, on your way out. He kindly offers to answer any questions you might have while you settle in to your new role.

The rest of the morning passed in a labyrinth of corridors and a blur of faces. Everywhere Kuroo went, he was enthusiastically welcomed. He remembered everyone’s name, cracked jokes, and asked after their families, pets, and hobbies. You’d trailed behind him the whole way in a daze, overwhelmed by trying to put names to faces. Someone from the Coaching and Refereeing Division congratulated you on getting the job, and Inamori…or was it Inagaki? in Legal shook your hand, and a woman wearing way too much perfume in Operations tried to hug you,…on and on until your head spun.

The whirlwind tour miraculously ends at Human Resources, where Kuroo instructs you to finalize the hiring paperwork with Nakata-san and get set up with an email and login before reconvening back in his office.

Nakata-san’s dour expression lets you know she’s less than thrilled about this, and you offer her a sheepish smile. You understand, considering Kuroo basically blindsided her with the job of onboarding you right away. You’d had the foresight to bring along your passport and work visa documents (you can only hope her annoyance is somewhat abated by your preparedness), so it doesn’t take long to confirm your work eligibility and get the basic administrative details squared away.

Almost before you know it, you’re making your way back to Kuroo’s office.

“That was quick. It’s not even lunchtime yet.” He raises an eyebrow as you peek in. “I’ll introduce you to the employees in my division this afternoon. For now, why don’t we go over your responsibilities?”

He gestures to the padded leather chairs across the desk from him and you shuffle over, perching on the edge of the seat.

“Like I said when we met, I will manage myself, so you won’t be doing nearly as much as the other assistants here, though there are some things that everyone will expect of you as my assistant.”

You nod, take out a notepad, and wait for him to continue with pencil poised.

“I’ll oversee my own schedule, but I’ll share my calendar with you so you’re aware of when and where my meetings will be. If someone asks you to schedule a meeting, just let me know and I’ll do it myself. My upcoming meetings should all be here at JVA, but on occasion I’ll need to travel around Tokyo or to other cities, and you might have to come with me. If so, that will be on a case-by-case basis.”

calendar — K to schedule all meetings himself, possible travel, you scrawl.

He proceeds briskly. “As you know, you’re expected to take meeting minutes. This will be true of almost all my meetings. I’ll tell you the ones you don’t need to come to. I saw you taking notes this morning. I’d like you to type them up and show me. I’ll let you know what you’re missing and how I want them to be laid out. In the future, you can type up all meeting notes in the same way and upload them directly to the appropriate project folder. I’ll share those with you too.”

meeting notes — almost all meetings, type up (template tbd) & upload to project folder

“…And anything else that comes up that we haven’t talked about, just ask me how I’d like it handled.”

By the end, you look down at what is essentially your new job description.

calendar — K to schedule all meetings himself, possible travel meeting notes — almost all meetings, type up (template tbd) & upload to project folder mail — daily, collect from mail room and leave on K’s desk in mornings, take any mail to post office by 3 phone/email — forward all correspondence to K other employees — take a message if K is not in office, knock before entering if K is in office filing — leave all paperwork on K’s desk FIVB — first meeting in 4 weeks, BIG DEAL!!, reps to come from across Europe interpretation — will discuss closer to FIVB meeting

“I think I can handle this,” you nod to yourself.

“Great.”

He hesitates. “To be honest, after we parted ways on Saturday, I was so sure you’d say yes that I emailed Nishida-san about you right away. But then I got worried that you wouldn’t show. Glad you didn’t let me down.”

“Nah, it’s more I didn’t want to let Iwa down,” you grin.

He’s silent for a moment, long enough that you start to regret your feeble attempt at a joke. Maybe you’re being too casual? You are basically strangers.

The corner of his lips slowly pull up into a smirk. “I’ll take what I can get,” he replies. He waves a hand to dismiss you. “Well, I’ve got another meeting at 3, but otherwise the rest of the day is yours.”

By the end of two weeks, it no longer feels like you’re completely out on a limb.

Though you’ve worked in an office before, acting as a personal assistant required some unexpected adjustments.

It was strangely isolating at first without a group of people for you to work alongside every day. But there are people that Kuroo meets with frequently, meaning there are at least a few faces you recognize among the nameless masses now. In the Sports Promotion Division itself, there’s a group of four managers — Arai, Shibahara, Wada, and Miyamoto — that Kuroo receives progress reports from every Tuesday morning. Then, there are the people that Kuroo’s team collaborates with on sponsored events. In the Marketing Division, that would be Director Endo (an elderly man with and a side part and very bushy eyebrows) and Senior Marketing Specialist Fukuda (slight, with a sharp jaw and a patchy mustache). There’s also the Director of Development, Uchihara-san (older than Kuroo, but with a boyish face and demeanor) and his assistant Mitsunaga (a tall woman with sky-high cheekbones). And of course, there’s Nishida-san, who Kuroo reports to every Tuesday afternoon, and his assistant Kimura.

You learn that Tuesdays are his busiest meeting days. The progress meetings in the morning and afternoon already take up much of the day, but on top of that, he tends to schedule as many other meetings as he can on Tuesdays as well. Your assumption is he prefers keep the rest of the week flexible for his other responsibilities. (You’re getting a good workout too since Kuroo always books the larger conference rooms on the 39th floor. It seems a waste to use the elevator just to go up or down one story, so you start to think of Tuesdays as unofficial leg days.)

The other days of the week, you might be needed for only one meeting, and usually not even that.

You quickly learn which ones don’t require your presence. Usually, those are private talks between Kuroo and Nishida-san or the other executives. A few times, they’ve been with Hasegawa-san from Accounting or Nakata-san from HR. Kuroo took those meetings in his office in the late afternoon to keep the finances and personnel information confidential.

The hours that aren’t dedicated to meetings and typing up notes you’ve largely spent reading up on volleyball. (It can’t hurt, even though Kuroo’s meetings are more about marketing the game than playing the game.) Kimura and Mitsunaga have helped you with that, and with figuring out other little things around the office, from where the mail room is to who to talk to to get a garbage can for your desk.

You spend the rest of your down time chasing leads on translation projects through writers and editors you’ve worked with in the past, and trying to get a better handle on the literary publishers in Tokyo. Nothing has materialized yet, but you’re feeling less anxious about the timeline now that you have a job. You send a silent thanks to Iwaizumi.

Honestly, the hardest part of the transition has been Kuroo himself. Or rather, changing how you think of Kuroo. Since you spend all your time either with him or just outside of his office, you can’t help but pick up on things. Like how he’s already in the office before you in the mornings, and is still there after you leave every evening. How he invariably arrives 5 minutes early for meetings (and therefore you do too) because he doesn’t like to feel harried. How every suit he owns is apparently tailored very slim, and how he must have an endless collection of cute-but-work-appropriate animal print ties (dogs, cats, puffins, bees, you name it) because you’ve still haven’t seen the same one twice.

But actually, he’s made it easier than you imagined. He’s friendly but never overly so, always keeping a professional distance. Except for the dumb joke you made on your first day, he’s kept it all business. He doesn’t treat you like a friend, but like any other employee, and you in turn treat him like your boss — doing what he asks (and doing it well), and nothing more. You’ve settled into a comfortable understanding with each other, both clear on the boundaries of the agreement, and neither having to awkwardly dance around anymore.

All in all, it’s shaping up as well as it possibly can. And plus, it’s finally the end of Friday, meaning your first paycheck cleared. You deserve a little reward to mark two whole weeks here, you think, wondering if that famous bakery nearby will be out of mini cheesecakes for the day.

Hasegawa rounds the corner as you start to gather your things.

“Hi Hasegawa-san! Another late meeting?”

Her eyes narrow subtly before she smiles and shrugs. “Ah, yeah, what can I say, the higher-ups want these reports done before the weekend.”

You give her a sympathetic look. “Well, hope they don’t take too long. Have a nice weekend.”

“You too,” she replies before knocking on Kuroo’s door.

“Kuroo-san? Can I check some numbers with you?”

“Ah, Satoko. Uh…, sure, come in.”

You swing your bag over your shoulder and head toward the elevator, humming happily under your breath. Surely things will start to get busier with the first FIVB meeting coming up, but for now, it’s looking like smooth sailing.

Note 2: I feel the need to mention that this reader could not possibly already have a Japanese work visa in their situation, but let’s just play pretend because I can’t be assed to write a whole side plot about it.