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softyhyunjin · 5 years ago

Text

ldr ⊵ bang chan

Description: Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

இ genre: friends to lovers, ldr, college au, angst?, def fluff

இ pairing: chan x reader

இ word count: 12.5k

warnings?: there’s alc, and a pretty mf hot chan

a/n: @changbeanie it’s been a while ´･ᴗ･` wow, just wow

↫ i ↬

“Chan, I need to spill the tea!”

He came to a halt, setting aside his unopened One Piece mystery figures. When he looked into the camera lens, his brows knit together in a little frown.

“No Y/N, you can’t spill the tea! The tea is hot, and if you spill it, you are gonna get burned,” Chan playfully scolded you and laughed shortly after.

“I’m serious Chan,” you whined, covering your face to hide your warm cheeks. Chan laughed even more. You didn’t know whether he was laughing at you or his joke. Maybe it was both.

He calmed down and leaned back into his gaming chair. Sighing in content, he looked at you from his monitor, smiling softly. “Go ahead, tell me,” Chan said.

“Can I really?” You removed your hands from your face and rolled your eyes.

“Yes, now go!” He chuckled.

“I caught Changbin on a date with someone!”

Chan faked a gasp, “Ahhh, no way.”

“Oh, so you knew?”

“Yes, but I’d like you to finish spilling the tea.”

“That’s all I wanted to spill,” you scoffed. Of course, Chan would know about Changbin’s love life, he was close to all his friends after all. Now, your reasoning for calling him went down the drain. Useless.

Chan shrugged, “He already told me his plan to confess to his crush a while back, so I’m not surprised. Ruby, I think that’s her name? Yeah.”

“Okay, goodnight then. I’ll call you later this week if I can,” you sighed in defeat, swiping your mouse pad to hang up.

“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N, you didn’t even let me finish opening the package you sent me. Don’t you want to see who I got?” His eyes lit up at his unopened One Piece figures.

“Not really, it cost me a fortune to ship it out to you,” you spun around in your chair, faking disinterest to the birthday boy, but in reality, you wanted to stretch the call as long as you could. You really missed him.

Chan had been studying abroad in Berlin for two months. You remember him speaking to you about it and listing his options in order: Berlin, Dublin, and Paris. When you asked why he placed Berlin as his first choice, he said its nightlife attracted him the most, which isn’t surprising, considering the night owl he is. And bonus, it was cheaper than his other options.

“Should I call Woojin to watch me unbox instead, then?” He cocked his brow.

“Do you really want him to watch you unbox it?” You pouted.

“Noo, I want you to watch me. But… I guess you don’t wanna,” Bang Chan shrugged.

“Ugh, you already know I do.”

“Then why didn’t you say so in the first place?” He teased further, enjoying his ability to easily earn a reaction from you.

“Are you coming back to Sydney for Thanksgiving?” You responded with a question.

“No, it would be pointless because I have to immediately fly back to Berlin for finals. Maybe I should stay here until the 22nd of December. Besides, I’m gonna miss it here. Oh-“ He excitedly tore off the wrap of his gift, “Tony Tony Chopper. I had a feeling I would get him,” he laughed.

“Oh,” you said in a small voice but quickly hid your disappointment and smiled. “I was hoping you’d get him.”

Inside, you were pretty bummed out. Not seeing Chan for over a month was torture. Whatever you wanted to try would have to wait until he got back: the new restaurant by the mall, going on a fishing trip, and using the remaining benefits of your favorite amusement park’s season pass. Most importantly, you chose to wait for him to come home so that the two of you could binge-watch the latest season of Stranger Things.

Chan had already caught the disappointment in your voice and put down the Tony Tony Chopper figure. Propping his elbow onto the desk, he used his palm to cup his chin, leaning into the monitor. Although he was ten thousand miles away, the gesture made him feel closer to you and Sydney. “You know that’s not what I meant. I miss home, my mum’s cooking, hanging with the guys, and cuddling with Berry. I get homesick at times, but I love it here.”

“I know, I’m just bored without you. I want to go bar hopping in Sydney again,” you groaned, feeling bad for making Chan explain himself when he didn’t even need to.

“Tch, you just want to see the guys drunk call their girlfriends again.”

“Not even! I only want to see Hyunjin drunk call his girlfriend, it’s so cute when he whines to her about wanting to be the little spoon. He gets so embarrassed whenever Jisung and I show him the recordings,” you cackled like a witch.

Chan shook his head in disapproval, chuckling at your words, “Y/N, You’re so evil. Just wait until you’re the one to drunk call somebody.”

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll have somebody by the time you come back,” you shrugged.

“Oooh, well, do you?”

“We’ll just have to wait until the next time we go bar hopping.”

“Then, you’re gonna have to wait for another two months,” he sang through the screen, his hand reaching for the mouse to select a song on one of his Spotify playlists.

SLANDER & Said the Sky - Potions (ft. JT Roach)

“It’s going to be a long wait,” you sighed, drumming your fingers against your desk.

“Every time you said a word, I was starin' at your lips. I don't think I've ever been so close to a love like this,” he sang along before taking a pause to say, “I’ll be home before you know it.”

Shooting him with a finger gun, you suggested, “Ahah! Are drinks gonna be on you?”

“Shouldn’t you be buying? I’m the one coming home.”

You scowled. “Ask the boys because you miss them.”

“Don’t worry, I miss you too,” Chan easily confessed, bobbing his head to the drop of the bass.

↫ ii ↬

“Gobble gobble gobble!”

“Shut up, we don’t even have a turkey,” Minho said, slapping Jisung’s ass when he took up the entire couch.

Jisung scooted enough for Minho to sit and used his lap as a pillow, “Hey, I told everyone to pitch in for our lovely Friendsgiving, but nooo! So, it ain’t my problem.”

“We pitched in for beef, that’s even better,” Hyunjin said, jumping back when the meat hit the electric grill, abruptly sizzling and splattering oil onto his hand.

“Gimme that, you’re going to end up burning the meat and your hand,” Jeongin took the metal tongs from Hyunjin, increasing the temperature of the grill and adding more slices of brisket.

“Haha, who are you trying to impress? Y/N?” Woojin joked.

Seungmin killed Woojin’s joke in an instant, “No, he’s trying to practice for his crush. They went out the other day and she cooked for him the whole time.”

Changbin stole the first slice of meat from the serving tray, saying with a mouthful, “Big fat rip, dude.”

“Hello?” Felix said after picking up an incoming call from his phone. He rolled his eyes at the person speaking on the other line, “Liv, I told you to always have your wallet on you. No, I am not going to drive over to drop it off. Just stop by the house on your way to the movies.”

“Your sister left her wallet at home again?” Jisung asked.

Felix shrugged, “Yeah, she always does that. I’m not gonna drop it off to her this time. Whatever, she said she’ll be here in ten.”

You wedged yourself between Felix and Seungmin on the couch, making yourself comfortable while Felix challenged Minho on Super Smash Bros. Jisung had just finished setting up his Nintendo Switch on Felix’s TV and tossed both controllers to the first round competitors. Felix selected Dark Pit whereas Minho did the random selection and got Ness.

“Nooooo! FUCK.” Felix screeched after Minho sent his character flying off the platform. You covered your ears but laughed at Felix’s loss.

Minho smirked, nodding to his opponent, wiggling his eyebrows. “Do you want to change your fighter?”

Rolling his tongue in his mouth, Felix shook his head, “No, rematch.”

The doorbell rang. Without a glance, too absorbed into his rematch with Minho, Felix asked you to open the front gate for Olivia. You left the couch and went outside to open it for her. When you opened the wooden gate, you found Bang Chan waiting outside instead of Felix’s sister. Your mouth went agape.

“You’re back...” You said, stepping aside to let him in.

Shock was still written across your face. He gently patted his carry on before leaning in to take a look at your face. Jokingly, he said, “I take it that you’re not thrilled to see me, should I leave then?”

Seeing him in person made your heart swell. You suddenly remembered how much you missed him. Overwhelmed by his presence, your eyes began to pool with tears and just could not stop. Without blinking, a big, fat tear escaped. Wiping the stray tear with the sleeve of your hoodie, you wanted to stop crying but wound up sniffling.

Chan reached for your other arm, gently drawing small circles with his thumb. He couldn’t help but laugh as he attempted to soothe you. “Hey, hey, why are you crying?” He cooed, throwing another joke, “Maybe I should just leave…”

“No, don't.”

Although tears kept on falling, you laughed back and patted your cheeks dry with your sleeve. Chan let go of the carry-on, spreading his arms wide for only one reason. You accepted his invitation, leaning forward to wrap your arms around his torso. “Don’t worry, I missed you too. But I didn’t expect you to cry so much,” he teased.

The vibration his laughter gave off, made your insides feel warm and fuzzy. Chan smelled like fresh laundry mixed with the familiar cologne he only wore for special occasions. He rocked you side to side, and you could feel the smile spread across his face from his chuckling. You wanted to hug him even longer but a notification went off, causing both of you to pull away from each other.

It was coming from the Apple Watch gifted to him from everyone for his 21st birthday. Chan checked the notification, disregarding it when it began to spam. “Let’s go inside,” he said, patting your shoulders to make you head in first.

“Finally! What took you so long?” Felix jumped from the couch to give Chan a hug.

Chan gave a nonchalant shrug, “My mum wouldn’t stop talking. If it weren’t for Hannah and Olivia needing a ride to the mall, I would’ve gotten here much later.”

“Christopher Bang, I have been waiting for you,” Jisung swooped in, giving Chan a bear hug. Then, weakly whispered into his dear friend’s ear, “If it was any longer, I would’ve died from starvation.”

You frowned all of a sudden. “Wait, all of you guys knew he was coming back for Thanksgiving?”

“Surprise!” Felix awkwardly laughed because he knew you were going to strangle him later.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t he come back? It’s Thanksgiving,” Hyunjin walked out of the kitchen with the rest of the guys to hug Chan.

“You said you weren’t though,” you said, narrowing your eyes at Chan. He removed the black cap from his head, sheepishly running a hand through his... dark brown hair? There was no longer a strand of dirty blonde. “Oh my god, and you dyed your hair back to your natural hair color,” you gasped.

“Boy, I am starving,” he whistled, purposely ignoring your stare.

Jisung wrapped his arms around yours and Chan’s shoulders, inhaling the aroma of Seungmin’s freshly baked pies coming from the oven. “I’m so fucking stoked to eat. Let’s eat.”

↫ iii ↬ bh.pt.i ↫

Famous Dex - Japan

“Baby girl, what you doing, where your mans? I just popped a xan, fifty thousand in Japan.”

Chan sang Japan by Famous Dex, pointing to Felix once they both made eye contact. Felix quickly caught on, finishing the chorus with a strong dab, “I ain't doin' no playin', these red bottoms, not no Vans. And she tellin' all her friends, I might put 'em on the Gram, aye!”

“I don’t know you two anymore,” you cringed at the pair. Once the song was over, they started singing to Lil Uzi Vert’s ‘XO TOUR Llif3.’

“Should've saw the way she looked me in my eyes. She said baby I am not afraid to, die. Push me to the edge, all my friends are dead, push me to the edge, all my friends are dead,” they both sang, clasping each other’s hands and bobbing their heads.

“Ah shit, the Uber driver is gonna be outside in two minutes,” Felix cursed and ran upstairs to his room to grab his bomber.

“Hurry, or else we’re going to leave you!” Chan shouted towards the stairs, then, lowering his voice to tell you, “Let’s leave him.”

You rolled your eyes, and he cracked a smile.

After Thanksgiving, Chan had two and a half days left before heading back to Berlin. You wanted to spend as much time as you can with him. Not only you, but everyone else wanted to. And the perfect way to do it:

Bar hopping. (bh)

Jisung brought up the idea because he wanted to buy his friend a drink. It was a treat for Chan since he’s been away for nearly three months. But also, Jisung was anticipating to record any of Hyunjin’s embarrassing moments. For him, it was killing two birds with one stone.

“Thank you, sir, have a good one,” Chan said to the Uber driver, waving goodbye as he was the last to exit the backseat of the car.

Felix scanned the area, squinting whenever he saw anyone coming out of a shop. “Uh, we just arrived. Where are you- Oh! I see Woojin waiting in the front,” he hung up.

“I’m so hungry.” Your stomach grumbled.

“Yoooooo! Broski, over here,” Felix waved both hands in the air. The three of you approached Woojin, giving him a hug before entering the bar.

Everyone was already seated inside munching on some salted peanuts. Changbin tossed a peanut into the air, and Jisung caught it in his mouth, extending his arms in the air to gloat his victory. “Now buy me a drink,” he demanded.

“Fine,” Changbin scoffed but agreed.

Once the three of you settled down in the large booth, Woojin ordered a beer and a shot of tequila for each person. You were excited to drink but hated tequila. It was the first alcohol to ever give you a massive hangover. The taste was disgusting and a measly whiff could still trigger your gag reflexes.

“Alright, whoever finishes last needs to take another shot of tequila,” Felix snickered.

“Ugh, no,” Hyunjin groaned.

Chan leaned in to whisper into your ear, “Will you be able to handle it?”

You bumped your left shoulder against his right, “Of course, who do you think I am?”

Changbin knocked on the table, grabbing everyone’s attention. “3! 2! 1! Go!”

You chugged the beer while keeping your eyes open for the rest of the guys. Most of them started off with their shot of tequila to get it over with while you, Jisung, and Jeongin started off with beer. By the time you were halfway done with your beer, the tequila starters were beginning to touch their beers. Some were still making faces from sucking the complementary lime wedges that came with the tequila.

Finishing the last of your beer, Jisung slapped the table with his shot glass. Still sucking his like wedge, he pointed at you to hurry so you can come in second place. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, grabbing the lime wedge in one hand and the tequila shot in the other, downing it in one go. “That’s so fucking nasty,” you whined and chewed into the lime wedge.

“Done,” Changbin said, sliding his empty drinks into the center of the table.

Next, Chan burped out loud, saying, “I’m done. Excuse me.”

When everyone finished, the order came out to be: Jisung, Y/N, Changbin, Chan, Woojin, Minho, Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin, Hyunjin.

“FUck, this shit. I hate bar hop… ping,” Hyunjin complained, burping in defeat.

“Bottoms up, loser,” Jisung laughed.

“Drink! Drink! Drink!” Everyone chanted, cheering when Hyunjin finished the last of the devil’s juice. Already, his face was getting red as he lazily brushed his messy bangs away from his eyes.

Even though Jeongin was second to the last place, he was eager to move on to the next round. Rubbing his hands in excitement, he asked, “So what’s next?”

↫ iii ↬ barhopping pt.ii ↫

“We are just going to take it chill this round,” Seungmin cutely laughed.

The lightweight slurred, jabbing his index finger onto Seungmin’s chest, “No, you wanted to take it chill this round.”

“He’s trying to save you,” you slapped Hyunjin’s back, “But I don’t mind taking it chill this round.”

Already tipsy and spouting out nonsense like always, Jisung called you out, “Y/N, what’s with the getup today?”

He really emphasized the makeup and your fitted black off-shoulder top with dramatic John Cena hand movements. You grew embarrassed by the sudden attention. Now, everyone’s eyes were on you, especially Bang Chan’s. Your cheeks grew warm as you blushed, but that honestly did not matter because the lighting of the second bar was dark enough to hide them.

“Jisung, they’re just falsies,” you rolled your eyes.

Hyunjin cocked an eyebrow into your direction, “My girlfriend likes to wear them when she’s going out. Are you going out with anybody?” He put his head down and burped. “Keeping seCrets huh? uGH, I miss my girlfriend.”

“Nooo, definitely not…” You sighed, “I just felt like doing something different today.”

“Is it because Chan is back?” Seungmin felt like he cracked the Da Vinci Code. Ridiculous.

“You’re ridiculous, Kim Seungmin.”

Felix intervened, lazily karate-chopping his arm into the table. Thanks to him, he saved you from making a fool of yourself. “What about me? Didn’t you know anything different about me today?” He slurred.

“You’re drunk,” Seungmin pointed out the obvious.

“No, not yet. I got a new bomber, duh. Go ahead, touch it,” Felix suggested. He grabbed Seungmin’s hand, hovering it over his jacket. Then, Felix made him caress the smooth material.

Both you and Chan burst out laughing. Then, you both turned to look at each other. When your laughter died down, you glanced at his plump lips and looked away with a sigh on yours.

Why did you go out of your own way to put on makeup and wear your silver drop earrings? The top was a gift from one of your girlfriends. It’s been sitting in your closet for ages, but still, it was something different.

The guys began to plan for the winter break agenda and Chan joined in on the conversation. He remembered the video call between you and him. It was around the time of his birthday when he unboxed the mystery One Piece figures you sent to him... Did you ever find somebody?

For a moment, there was this unsettling feeling growing inside of his chest. Yeah, why did she look differently today, is what he thought. You were never ‘ugly’ in his opinion, you were just Y/N. Whatever you choose to do shouldn't matter, so Chan did what anyone would do: He brushed it off.

Chan glanced over, feeling a little taken aback when you laughed at something Minho said about Hyunjin. Whenever he was surprised, his eyebrows did this thing where they would cutely knot upwards and his eyes would light up. But this time, it was different. Yes, he was surprised but the expression on his face grew soft immediately after you made eye contact with him.

You raised the glass of your favorite cocktail to your lips, nodding in excitement when Jisung ‘secretly’ whipped out his phone and began recording Hyunjin. Then, you broke into a playful grin while biting into the black stirring straw before sipping your drink. Yeah, he thought you were really attractive right now.

For some reason, Bang Chan felt like his body was engulfed by flames.

You raised a brow, offering him to try your drink with a smile. Chan blinked back, totally aware he was staring at you. Luckily, you weren’t and thought he was curious about your drink.

Turning down your offer, he decided to lay off on the drinking for the rest of this round. It was the alcohol causing him to feel this way, or that’s what he thought.

If not, this was going to be a big problem.

↫ iii ↬ barhopping pt.iii ↫

“Last but not least, we are going to get hammered with soju and meat,” Jisung cupped Changbin’s cheeks, then, patting them like how Asian grandmothers would select the perfect watermelons.

Before Changbin could place him into a chokehold, Jisung clumsily ran into the restaurant to request for seats. He almost ran into one of the patio heaters in the process. “Come back, you fucking squirrel!” Changbin waved his fist in the air like an old man.

He adopts a sailors’ mouth when he drinks lol.

Hyunjin had an arm draped over Woojin’s shoulders. He’s already sobered up by now. “Let’s make sure he gets hammered tonight,” he said, then, pointed a finger at you, “And Y/N.”

“I say we should go for it,” Woojin supported his friend.

Your eyes widened. “What did I do?”

“He’s still salty you sent recordings to his girlfriend,” Jeongin teased Hyunjin, his eyes effortlessly creasing into the cutest eye smile. He reminded you of a baby fox.

“I didn’t, it was Jisung. Recordings were sent from his phone,” You shrugged and stuck your tongue out when Hyunjin mimicked you.

Jisung peeked at everyone from the restaurant door and caught Seungmin’s attention first, signaling him to bring everyone inside. Seungmin said, “Let’s go, seats are ready.”

“I already picked out the meats. Now, the hardest part is choosing the soju flavor,” Jisung looked at the drinks menu with heart eyes.

Changbin took the menu from Jisung’s hands, cockily skimming through it. “Leave it to me, I know what we should stay away from.”

When the waiter came by, Changbin ended up ordering two large yogurts, two fruit-flavored, and two original soju. Seven drinks. Everyone looked at him with their jaws dropped. “You’re actually insane,” Felix said even though he was at a loss of words.

“The frat boy mentality has sprung onto him. It’s too late, we can’t save him,” Chan cried, covering his warm face, dramatically tugging it downwards with both hands.

You sighed and lay your head onto Chan’s shoulder. You were still buzzed, but it was going to be a long night. Earlier, he put his jean jacket over your shoulders when some guy walked by and gave you a whistle. You were very uncomfortable from receiving the unwanted attention coming from a sleazebag and hid behind Chan’s broad frame.

You were getting tired but still wanted to have fun. Chan’s shoulder was a muscular pillow. Your eyes glanced at the sleeve of his black T-shirt. Then, your eyes trailed down to his arm veins, his hand, and the ring on his pinky finger. It was your gift to him for his birthday this year. There was this strong urge to place your hand on top of his and flip it over so that the palm of his hand would be open for you to entwine your fingers in.

Fuck, why is he so hot?

You didn’t actually do it though, you could not bring yourself to. When you tilted your head upwards, Chan was laughing at Woojin’s disaster story about his most recent blind date. He must’ve felt your gaze on him so he stopped paying attention to the story. Chan laid his eyes on you while you blinked back in surprise with a tinge of pink on your cheeks. His eyes held your gaze momentarily before trailing down to your lips, and so did you.

You were both waiting for something to happen. The tension-

“Drinks and meat are here,” Minho excitedly cleared the table for the waiter.

Both you and Chan looked away from each other at the same time. You instantly removed your head from his shoulder, and he cleared his throat. You were both left feeling embarrassed, however, Chan also felt nervous. You, on the other hand, felt a heavyweight on top of your chest.

For this last round of bar hopping, you both avoided any sort of eye contact or slight skinship with one another. It was too risky, making a nervous wreck out of both you and Chan.

“Let’s play Truth or Drink mixed with Never Have I Ever,” Changbin said, pouring a drink into everybody’s shot glass, filling it to the brim.

Minho scoffed but enjoyed the idea, “You’re just asking for everyone to drink.”

“That’s the point.”

“Never have I ever almost joined a cult back in high school,” Jisung tsked over to his friend, snickering when Hyunjin and Jeongin downed the shot in one go.

Hyunjin went next and glared at Jisung, “Never have I ever lived in Malaysia during my childhood.”

Jisung narrowed his eyes at Hyunjin, chewing on a piece of meat after drinking his shot. “Playing like that, I see.”

“Well, you started it.”

“No, you.”

“You.”

Chan interrupted their bickering, and said, “Moving on, never have I ever… Cheated on an exam.” Everyone groaned, drinking except for him, Seungmin, and Hyunjin. Then, it was your turn.

“Er… Never have I ever blacked out from drinking,” you peeked around, raising your glass to everyone. Changbin, Woojin, Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin, and Felix all clinked their glasses together.

“Alcoholics,” Minho shook his head, eyeing each person with false disappointment written on his face.

“Shut the fuck up, you have no right. You’re the goddamn instigator,” Jisung kicked Minho’s foot under the table.

“Stop playing footsies with me.”

“Oh, I can stop whenever I want to.”

“Can I go now?” Seungmin stuck a piece of rib finger into Jisung’s mouth. Everyone gave him the go, so he suggested, “Let’s do Truth or Drink this round, and the question applies to everyone. If you were a serial killer in a movie, who would you kill first? On the count of three, point your finger to the person. 3! 2! 1!”

“Wow.” And it wasn’t hard to guess who it was.

The rest of the night went by like that, playing more rounds of Never Have I Ever and Truth or Drink. More than half of the group was drunk and Hyunjin had his head down. He already knocked out and was drooling. You were drunk too but waited for Felix to take his turn.

Propping your chin in the palm of your right hand, you felt your eyelids become heavier the longer Felix took to ask his question. Finally, he asked everyone, “What are you the most grateful for?”

“I’m the most grateful for my cats,” Minho brought up his fingers and began to list each cat, “Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. Sometimes, I get hissed at but I still love them all.”

It was Chan’s turn. “Mmm,” he thought, “I’d say, my parents, because if they never gifted me with music, I wouldn’t be CB97 right now.”

“And there wouldn’t be SPEARmint and your one and only,” Jisung sluggishly pointed to himself, groaning, “J.One.”

“It’s SPEARB,” Changbin whined, hugging Jisung.

Chan was beginning to sober up and sipped on his half-full glass of water. Getting sentimental and smiling over to his rap unit members, his ears perked up when it was your turn. You had your head and arms sprawled across the table, earning a laugh from Minho when you palmed your forehead with a disgruntled look on your face. Your head hurt, but you continued, “I am grateful for a lot of things. My dog, meeting my ultimate bias, and having you guys in my life.”

“That’s so generic, be more specific,” Minho teased.

“Lix, I’m grateful for Felix. If my dad never met his dad in their twenties, I would’ve never grown up with Lix. My dad wouldn’t have almost accidentally run over him that one time when he was running away from Rachel.”

“Huh, I remembered that day. Rachel got so mad at me for reading her diary. I mean, she did leave it on the couch,” Felix reminisced, chuckling at the memory from long ago.

Seungmin raised an eyebrow, a little confused with what you shared. “Shouldn’t you be grateful for your dad meeting Felix’s dad? And not Felix?”

“Sure, but it’s Felix I am most grateful for. Because without him, I would’ve never met everyone else… and Chan,” you patted Felix’s bomber with your eyes closed and expected him to feel touched by your words.

“Why say it like that? What differentiates Chan from everyone else?” Jeongin asked with a small pout on his lips. Chan wanted to know as well. He didn’t know why you paused a little before saying his name. Was he special to you in any way?

Yeah. What differentiates Chan from everyone else?

“Stop asking me, and let’s move on to Felix. It hurts to think,” you complained.

↫ iv ↬

“Oi bro, today was fun. But I’m fucking wasted,” Felix burped. He leaned his head against the door frame while intensely staring at the door handle. Concentration was key, literally. Felix needed to press the correct keys or else you, him, and Chan would be sleeping in the front yard tonight. Nobody was home.

“You good there, buddy?” Chan asked with a concerned tone.

Felix entered the correct code and the numbers on the keypad lit up blue, making him internally jumping with happiness. “Ohh hell yeah. Uh-”

Then, he pushed through the door, startling Chan as he ran through the living room and into the kitchen to hurl into the nearest trash can. Chan quickly went after Felix while still carrying you on his back. “Bro,” he cringed at the loose chunks in the trash can and rubbed Felix’s back, “Keep throwing up, it’ll definitely make you feel better. I’m gonna get you some water. Just let me take Y/N upstairs.”

Felix waved Chan off and said he’d be fine. He was going to go straight to his room afterward, change into his pajamas, and chug the huge hydro flask by his bed. It seems like Felix planned for this to happen, so Chan didn’t have to worry much.

Chan carried you upstairs to the guest room and carefully unwrapped your arms from his neck when he sat on the bed. When he let go, you hit the back of your head against the headboard and whined in pain. “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“Ugh, how long have I been out for,” you said, clutching onto the back of your head.

Chan shrugged, turning around to look at you. “Just the ride back home.”

“I’m not looking forward to a hangover tomorrow.”

You expected Chan to respond but there was no reply. When you peeked one eye open, he was gone. You sighed, rolling to your side to face the window. Why did you feel so puzzled all of a sudden?

“Are you asleep?” A voice whispered from the end of the bed.

It was Chan and he had a tall glass of water in his hands. You sat up, thanking him as you took the glass and greedily drank from it. When you finished, you placed it onto the nightstand before laying on your back again.

“Am I different?” Chan suddenly asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, am I different from the others?”

You lightly shoved his arm with your foot. “Other guys? Yeah, you’re CB97.”

He shook his head. It wasn’t the answer he wanted. “No, actually, never mind,” he said, changing his mind.

You frowned and sat up. Then, you nudged his arm, bugging him to tell you, “What is it? Tell me, Bang Chan.”

When you whined, even more, he softly chuckled, facing you with a smile. The only source of light came from outside’s yard lamp through the window slits. You held in a breath when he leaned in.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

↫ v ↬

“Y/N, why are we doing this? You know I can’t bake.”

Felix frowned at the baking instructions displayed on his phone. He was having a hard time converting grams to ounces because the mixer was too disruptive. It was annoyingly loud. For the love of god, he spilled some powdered sugar onto the counter.

“I need help, Lix. It’s hard to make macarons by myself,” you huffed, blowing a strand of your bangs out of the way.

“What’s in it for me? I could be sleeping in right now,” Felix scoffed but went to the cupboard to grab sugar, salt, and almond flour.

“You get to spend quality time with me for free. Also, you can eat delicious strawberry macarons. They’re your favorite.”

He shook his head, “No, they’re Chan’s favorite. I already knew your intentions the moment you asked to come over. And, I like banana flavored.”

“What’s with you and banana?”

“Don’t you just love the way it’s pronounced? Banana,” he smiled, thinking about bananas.

Handing Felix the electric mixer, you bossed him around, enjoying every moment of it, “No, now beat the eggs with the mixer until it becomes stiff peaks,”

“Y/N, If you like Chan, it’s okay to admit it. I won’t judge you,” he said, cracking a couple eggs into a large bowl, then scooped the yolks into a smaller bowl, “But I’ll make fun of you.”

You paused whatever you were doing to ask, “Why’d you say that out of the blue? That’s odd.”

“Look,” he paused, “When have you ever went out of your way to gift homemade cookies for someone? This is cute child’s play Y/N.”

“Never. But everyone is getting a share of this batch, so I don’t know why you’re quick to assume,” you nervously shrugged. Why were you nervous? There was no reason.

“But who were you thinking of surprising when you bought the ingredients?”

You eyed the egg whites sliding off the cracked eggshells in his hand as they slowly dripped into the mixing bowl. Cringing at his sloppiness, you told him to start mixing and less talking. “Why would I like him, it’d never work out between us,” you muttered under your breath.

“Just don’t complain to me when he comes back with a girlfriend from his study abroad program,” Felix annoyingly sang, hitting the power button on the electric mixer. You felt something inside of you sort of snap.

“What?” You asked.

“You’re not the only girl he’s friends with. You know that right?”

“Yeah, of course,” you said, trying to hide your disappointment. You were no special exception and it somehow made you feel more hopeless. Felix knew his words must’ve triggered something so he decided to tone it down.

“As your best friend, I know when you’re into someone. This time, it’s different. You may not think you’ve liked Chan for a long time, but trust me, I know,” Felix turned down the mixer to add some sugar with the whipped egg whites, “No matter how many guys you’ve liked in the past, you’d always set them aside for Chan. You don’t do things like having late-night phone calls, binge-watching One Piece, or bake fancy cookies for anyone else. Only Chan. Admit it before I knock some sense into you, idiot. You have a soft spot for him.”

“I do not…” You said in denial, but who were you trying to convince?

“Whatever,” Felix gave up and rolled his eyes. He adjusted the speed of the electric mixer, adding the rest of the sugar into the whipped egg whites.

When Felix finished whipping the egg whites, they became stiff peaks. He removed the mixer from the bowl, distracted by the mixture’s consistency and unwillingness to budge. “Hey, Y/N,” he tapped your shoulder before holding the bowl of stiff peaks upside down above his head, “Check this out.”

“YONGBOK WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” You screamed his Korean name, hoping the mix wouldn’t fall onto his head and get on the floor.

“Look, it’s not falling hehehe,” Felix laughed, remembering how he saw something like this in a Tasty video.

You grabbed Felix’s shoulders in hopes of him putting the bowl down but then he placed it over your head and laughed. “Oh my god, if it gets in my hair, I’m gonna kill you,” you vigorously shook him.

Felix laughed and put you in a headlock, threatening to coat your face in stiff peaks. “You started it by calling me Yongbok.”

“Yongbok, Yongbokie, LEE YONGBOK,” you giggled when he locked you in tighter. His soft hoodie tickled your neck and you were scared of getting smeared with the cookie mixture.

“What are you guys doing?”

Felix dropped his arm to his side and placed the mixing bowl onto the counter. You stood up, fixing your now messy ponytail and awkwardly coughed.

Chan stood by the kitchen entrance with his arms crossed, looking somewhat displeased. You looked anywhere else but him. When you finally made eye contact with Chan, he quickly avoided it and cleared his throat. “I just came to say goodbye,” he said.

“But isn’t your flight at 5?” Felix glanced at his oven’s built-in clock, “It’s not even noon yet and you’re already leaving?”

“My parents want to have lunch with me before dropping me off at the airport. They invited my grandparents and other relatives, so it’s going to take a while.”

“Do the rest know?”

Chan nodded, “Yeah, I’m going to head back to grab my luggage after lunch, but I messaged them earlier and came to say goodbye just in case.”

Felix walked over to Chan and gave him the tightest bear hug, “Take care and stay safe. I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

“Yeah, and take care as well,” Chan smiled.

“For sure.”

When their hug was over, Felix said he needed to grab a charger from upstairs because his phone was about to die. You didn’t want to be alone with Chan because you were afraid of acting weird around him, then no one could save you. “What are you two making?” Chan nodded at the mess in the kitchen.

You shyly smiled, “Uh… Cookies? Hey Chan, are you going to stop by here again after your family lunch?”

“Maybe not, I’m not sure. I’ll call you if I do.”

“Hmmm, okay,” you nodded awkwardly, “I guess I’ll see you in a few weeks too.”

“Yeah, I’ll be back before you know it,” Chan smiled and began teasing, “Better not be a crybaby once I leave.”

You slapped his arm, “It won’t happen again, just let it gooo.”

“Hmm, nooo,” he laughed.

When Chan’s laughter died down, he stared at you with a small sigh. You were acting a little different today and he kind of had an idea as to why. He thought you sensed something unusual about his behavior, making you feel awkward towards him. He just wanted to board the plane right now and get his thoughts settled.

Chan wanted you to give him a hug like always but you refrained from doing so. By the time Felix came back down with his charger, he sensed the weird atmosphere and mouthed to you, ‘What did you do?’

You narrowed your eyes at him and Chan’s phone rang at the same time. It was Lucas on the other line, asking when his brother would be home since their grandparents would be arriving soon. Chan took that as a cue to be on his way, leaving you in the kitchen as Felix walked him out of the front door.

Felix came into the kitchen confused, “What happened when I was gone?”

“Nothing, we were just talking.”

“Do you think we’re going to finish baking these macarons by the time he leaves to the airport?” Felix scratched his head.

“I hope so,” you sighed. If you worked efficiently enough, it’s possible to finish on time.

Chan quietly sat in the back seat of the minivan with his younger siblings on the way back from the restaurant. He’d usually bug Hannah about her recent boy crushes or watch Lucas play Monster Hunter on his 3DS. This time, he stared out the window with his EarPods in. A lot was on his mind.

Chan felt sort of jealous, then stupid, then fine again. It was a cycle on his way back to the house. He knew Felix didn’t have any romantic feelings for you, but the tinge of jealousy would not leave his system. Chan let himself into the house when Felix had just finished mixing whatever. He was curious as to why Felix was up so early since his best friend tends to sleep in till noon during breaks.

When Chan heard your voice, his ears perked up like a dog. He felt excited to see you and walked into the kitchen, hoping to surprise you. Instead, Chan himself was surprised when he found Felix holding you in a headlock. You were laughing and squirming in Felix’s hold, making Chan wish he didn’t see that.

Not once have you laughed like that with Chan since he came back to visit. Chan thought you developed a crush on Felix but haven’t told him. But how could you not? You always tell Chan everything. He didn’t care if you liked someone… So what?

When they arrived home, Chan’s father pulled into the driveway. Everyone went inside to rest for a little while before sending him off to the airport. Chan still needed to go upstairs, so he could grab his things and load them into the trunk. After carrying his luggage downstairs and to the minivan, Chan popped open the trunk, halfway loading his things but stopped when his phone went off.

He picked up the call with his earphones, unaware of the person calling, “Hello?”

“H-have you left to the airport yet? Or are you still at home?” You said, heavily panting on the other line of the call.

“Y/N?” Chan asked surprised, “I’m still at home. I just got back.” He waited for you to answer but you had already hung up. “Hello? Y/N?”

“Chan!” You ran up to him, exhausted and a little sweaty. Then, you placed a hand on your waist to keep yourself up as you slowly regain your breath.

“Did you run here?”

“Yes.”

“What? Why?”

You stuck your hand into the inside of your denim jacket and fished out a decent packaged goodie bag. “I didn’t want you to leave empty-handed, so I made you these.”

You never fail to catch Chan off guard these days. He slowly unraveled the bag as if it were a delicate rose, and peeked inside to see a couple of pink macarons. Although several of them were cracked because Felix opened the oven midway into baking, causing them to deflate, there were some good ones.

“Is this what you were baking with Lix?” Chan asked. When you nodded, a smile couldn’t help but form on his lips.

“Yeah, sorry if I didn’t ask you to stay or say much. I wanted it to be a surprise,” you shyly glanced around him, hoping he’d try one of the cracked cookie sandwiches.

“Huh, I would’ve never guessed,” Chan laughed. As dumb as it sounds, he felt better knowing you were thinking of him.

You peeked into his goodie bag, “Are you going to try one?”

“Yeah, here,” he handed you one before taking a bite of his own.

You thought it was cute when Chan slowly chewed on the cookie. His eyes formed into crescents once he recognized the flavor. After finishing one macaron, he wrapped the bag, closing it and stuffed it into his pocket, “I’m saving these for when I wait to board the plane.”

“Here, eat mine,” you offered the uneaten macaron in your hand.

“You don’t like strawberries?”

“No, I do. But I know you like them more, so here,” you brought the miniature sandwich to his lips, smiling when he opened his mouth.

“Fanks, tho good,” Chan said with a mouthful.

“Ew, chew with your mouth closed.”

“Hmmm,” he swallowed the last of the macaron, “I said they’re really good, and thank you.”

Sighing in relief, you said, “Of course, I’m glad they come out burnt.”

“They came out kinda ugly though.”

You hit Chan’s bicep. “Then don’t eat them,” you held your hand out, “Return them.”

Chan laughed but reached into his pocket. Instead of handing the cookies back, he grabbed your hand and pulled you in for a hug. As his arms wrapped around your shoulders, he hugged tighter. You uncontrollably smiled, returning his hug and laughed at his sly move. Chan notices how he loves it when he’s this close to you. It makes him feel good to be around you.

He likes to do this thing where he rocks you back and forth in his arms. You remembered the first time he did it was when you were juniors in high school. You embarrassed yourself in front of a guy you liked at the time and felt down for the whole day. It wasn’t until after school where you were forced to tag along with Felix and Chan to eat pizza which made you feel better. Although you weren’t by the time you met up with them, both caught the sight of your glossy eyes.

Felix said he had to head back early because he needed to study for a bio test, but you and Chan both knew he would end up playing video games instead. Chan bought you a smoothie and walked you home since it was on the way to his. Before he let you go, he gave you a bear crushing hug, rocking you back and forth while telling you to cheer up and stop being a crybaby. His way of cheering you up always made you laugh and feel warm inside.

Chan was your big, swol teddy bear.

Fuck it, you liked him... It didn’t matter. You will deal with it later.

“Did you really think I’d give them back?” He playfully teased.

“If you did, I will never make you anything ever again. Ungrateful jerk,” you huffed, pretending to be angry.

“Nah, I’d never,” he said softly.

“When are you leaving?” You said, your voice a little muffled from being too close against his jacket.

“Pretty soon. We’re just waiting for my dad to get off his food coma.”

“Ohh okay.”

Still hugging you, Chan felt like he really needed to say it. You already know though and it wouldn’t change anything, but a strange feeling of realization hit him. As cheesy as it sounds, he wanted to give you a light kiss on your forehead. Wow, he likes you and he is finally sure of his feelings.

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna miss you,” Chan took a deep breath, “I always do, so don’t be a crybaby when I leave.”

↫ vi ↬

Chan rushed back to his dorm, feeling a surge of inspiration out of nowhere. It was a pain to sit through the last half of class when he was so eager to leave. He was excited to hop on his keyboard to work on a mix.

Once he stepped into his room, he dumped his backpack onto the floor and stripped off his hoodie, tossing it onto the bed. Then, he pulled out the keyboard pad from his desk and began to set up his laptop and headphones.

It was perfect.

Chan was afraid he’d lose the beat or lyrics that came to his mind earlier, but he got it down pretty quick. Now, the hard part. He had to find a way for it to flow smoothly together. He hummed, his head bobbing to the new beat, but something was still lacking.

“Maybe if I move this here, the transitioning would be a lot better,” Chan clicked on his mouse and dragged one of the clips, inserting it into the mix. When he replayed the sound, he smiled in content.

CB97’s back, baby.

Just when he felt like he could add in another element, an incoming call interrupted his train of thought. It was from you.

He picked up the call and swiped into the clock app to check the time zone in Sydney. His eyes widened, why were you calling him 12:30 in the morning? Did something happen?

“Hello? Y/N?” Chan said to the other line.

“I’m bored,” you said.

He laughed. “Why are you calling me? Are you by yourself?”

“No,” you replied, shaking your head, “I’m with Lix, Hyunjin, Jisung, and Changbin. Eww, Lix just threw up in the bushes.”

Chan cringed at the sound of his best friend hurling on the other line. It reminded him of the last time he went bar hopping with you and everyone. Now that Chan knew you were drinking, it was obvious you were drunk too.

“Why’d you call?”

“I don’t know.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t know… Hyunjin started calling his girlfriend midway through finishing his drink. Then Changbin called his to confess how much he likes her. And don’t get me started on Jisung,” you tiredly watched Jisung rub soothing circles on Felix’s back.

“What about Jisung?” Chan chuckled, urging you to continue.

“He FaceTimed his girlfriend and said he loves her and misses her even though he knows she’s going to kick his ass for getting drunk,” you sighed.

“Then what?”

“Felix didn’t have anyone to call. He only searched up Momo on google images and angrily pointed at Heechul to treat her right or else he would fly to Korea to square up,” you laughed, starting to feel a little sick too.

“What about you? Did you have anyone to call?” Chan removed himself from his desk and plopped onto his bed.

“No, only you. There’s no one else to call, I don’t like anyone else,” you said truthfully.

“Wow, so I was your last resort,” he joked.

You felt liquid courage giving you a booster. Shaking your head, you sighed deeply as you watched Felix cough up the last of his partially digested pizza. “Never, I like you too much. I didn’t call anyone else because you’re the only one I want to talk to. So, no. Not my last resort, more like my automatic first choice,” you confessed.

“Sure.”

“No, I mean it. I love you so much. I just want to hug you all day long. You have no idea how much I miss you,” you whined.

Chan’s smile faltered and his heart began to race. There’s no way you meant that, did you?

“How much did you drink?”

“Enough to feel like throwing up but not enough to actually throw up,” you groaned at the unsettling feeling in your stomach.

“Will you remember what you just said to me when you wake up tomorrow?”

“Of course. I always remember! Remember, you said I would someday drunk call somebody. Well, you were right,” you giggled.

Boy, he hoped so. Chan was shaken but couldn’t do much because you were intoxicated. If you did like him, he wanted you to confess when you’re actually sober. That way, Chan would know you were being serious.

“Who’s not wasted? Can you hand them your phone?” Chan rolled in his bed while anxiously waiting.

“Hello?” A familiar raspy voice asked.

“Hey Bin, is everyone sleeping over at someone’s house tonight?”

“Oh, hey,” Changbin said tiredly, “Yeah, we’re going to head back to Felix’s soon. Just haven’t called an Uber yet because Y/N’s been on the phone. Everyone’s phones pretty much died.”

“That’s good,” Chan mumbled to himself, “Can you do me a favor and take care of Y/N for me? Just make sure she gets into a bed and drinks a glass of water before she sleeps. She’ll be fine by the time you guys get to the house since she sobers pretty fast.”

“Honestly, you should be here. She’s been talking about you all night long, but it’s Gucci. I’m gonna take care of everyone,” Changbin nonchalantly shrugged. It was no biggie to him.

“Just keep an eye out for her and everyone else,” Chan sighed.

Changbin nodded, “Yessir. I am going to order an Uber now, I’ll talk to you later. Oh shit, Y/N just threw up.”

“What? Wait-“

Although Chan’s heart was still pounding, he figured to leave it until tomorrow when you sobered up. He couldn’t stop rolling in his bed and suddenly felt more homesick. He didn’t know whether or not he should call you first thing tomorrow after his brunch with a classmate. Or maybe he should wait for you to say something?

Either way, you drove him nuts. Both good and bad.

The next morning, you stormed downstairs to look for the person who made you go out last night. He slept on the couch, snoring lightly and draped an arm over his eyes.

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” you angrily tossed one of the couch pillows at a hungover Felix.

Felix tiredly rubbed his eyes. You woke him up and he palmed every spot on the couch for his phone. “What now?” He asked.

“I should’ve never gone with you guys. I’m screwed,” you said in distress.

“You’re so LOUD, I’m TRYNA SLEEP Y/N,” Jisung crankily got up from the couch and walked into Felix’s room to join Changbin under the covers.

“What did I do?” Felix asked again.

“I should have never gone drinking last night. I fucked up everything, I can’t bear to see Chan or even talk to him again,” you said, pacing back and forth in front of the TV.

Felix laughed, “Did you drunk call him and confess?”

“I think so, something along the lines of that,” you tried to remember your exact words but brain fart.

“Oh shit,” he chuckled.

“It’s not funny,” you began tearing up, “I messed up everything. It won’t be the same anymore. I don’t want Chan to avoid and stop talking to me because of these stupid feelings.”

Alarmed with your glossy eyes, Felix jumped from the couch even though he still felt nauseous from last night. He patted your back, holding in a laugh when you blinked away some tears. You reminded him of Jeongin. “Y/N, you’re worrying over nothing. Chan’s not going to do that to you, trust me. You know, confessions don’t mean much when you’re drunk.”

Sniffling, you asked him, “What do you mean they don’t mean much when you’re drunk? There’s truth to those words.”

“Being intoxicated makes you say a lot of things you would not choose to say if you were sober. One time, I even said Changbin’s arms were hot. Can you believe that?” He scoffed.

“Yeah, I mean, they’re pretty thick.”

Felix rolled his eyes, “The point is, confessions are meaningful when you’re sober. There’s something about being fully aware of your words and having the courage to say it without having to rely on liquid courage. Your confession was most likely taken lightly. You were just letting a friend know you miss him, like a lot, but that’s it.”

“So everything will be okay?”

“Yes, so stop worrying.”

↫ vii ↬

But everything wasn’t okay.

Chan kicked off his shoes and fell into bed right after his last final. It’s been almost two weeks since he last talked to you (you drunk calling him in the middle of the day), and he felt stuck. When he sent you messages and memes, you wouldn’t respond or would leave him on read. Sometimes, it’d be a miracle if you gave him short responses. Even then, the atmosphere was off and he didn’t know how to keep initiating without the conversation being cut short.

On days like this, it’d be perfect to compose something, anything. However, Chan kept deleting newly recorded beats, dissatisfied with its quality and flow. He gave up and quit all his open programs.

Without thinking about the different time zones, Chan went on Discord. His cursor hovered over your icon before he clicked on it. It’s now or never, he thought. Chan felt his heart pounding over a simple video call. He didn’t even know if you were going to answer. It’s better to not get his hopes up.

When the server rang, he anxiously clicked open some tabs to respond to Felix and check Facebook.

“Hello?” You asked, dreading the moment he called you.

“Y/N?” Chan asked, surprised you answered. He stared at the monitor, taking in the image of you working on something in your notebook.

“Hey,” you sighed.

Chan’s brows furrowed. He grew concerned at the time of your voice. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just tired. You know, the same thing always happening at school and work,” you lied, avoiding his stare. His gaze was still piercing through a screen.

“Doesn’t seem like it. You usually talk about school and work, but you haven’t been doing so lately. Let alone at all,” Chan sadly stared at the screen as you pretended to be writing something important down.

“Sorry, I’ve been pretty stressed lately. I haven’t had the time to talk or call,” you apologized, feeding him another lie. Oh, but he knew you were avoiding him.

“You should’ve sent me a message or called me at least. It’s better to talk about it, Y/N. Keeping worries to yourself only make matters worse.”

“I’ll try to.”

Fed up with the tension, Chan frustratedly combed his hair with his fingers, “Cut the bullshit Y/N. I know you’ve been ignoring me. If it’s about that night you drunk called me, I’ll drop it. I know you don’t do homework at this time, especially on a Friday night.”

You dropped your pencil and stayed silent. Chan could only do so much on a screen. He stared at you, waiting for you to respond. It was dead silent because you could hear his hallmates talking in a foreign language as they passed by his door.

“Are you really not going to say anything?”

Finally looking up, you wiped off the tears that fell down to your cheeks, sighing. Chan sat up in his chair, worried he messed up. He thought you were going to end the call but held in a breath when you said, “What am I supposed to say? That, I’m sorry for having feelings for you? You say you can easily drop it, but I can’t.”

Chan let his hand cover his mouth, trying to hide his troubled expression. “Who said it was easy to drop it?”

“It’s not, but I screwed up… You’re aware of my feelings towards you. I can still remember that night’s conversation, and I know you do as well,” you covered your face, you didn’t want him to see you crying and looking like Rudolph, “It’s just going to be awkward for us the next time we’ll see each other. Everyone will sense it too. You’ll end up avoiding me.”

“Why do you say that? How can I avoid you? I’ve known you for years. That’s the least of your worries,” Chan said, frowning at your reasoning. He was utterly baffled.

You slammed your palms onto the desk. “How is that the least of my worries? I like you more than a friend would, Chan. I have feelings for you, but I feel like I’m on the verge of losing one of the closest people in my life, you.”

You were both practically raising your voices on each other.

He frustratedly started off strong, “What if you said those words to me when you were drunk but don’t actually mean it when you’re sober,” but finished in a small voice, “Then what?”

“But that didn’t happen, so there’s no point in bringing up another possibility,” you softly said.

“So what? Are you going to take back what you said? Because you can’t.”

Your heart dropped, and you wanted to bawl. “W-what?”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized and ended the call.

You shut off your laptop and sat in your chair crying. When you got into bed, you curled into a ball with a tissue box beside you. You felt horrible. Everything was a mess. After going through twenty-something tissues, the mini trash can by your desk was filled with snot balls and evaporated tears. Exhausted and too tired to cry anymore, your eyelids slowly dropped until a notification popped up on the screen of your phone.

It was a Surprise LIVE! from Monsta X.

You chucked your phone away and it fell off the bed and onto the wooden floor. As if you cared about watching them live right now. If your ultimate bias couldn’t cheer you up with his smile, nothing could.

You retrieved your phone to find a message from Chan. He only sent you a link directing you to Spotify playlist titled:

↫ viii ↬ “I’m back and you didn’t even come with Lix to the airport to come to get me? I’m so hurt,” Chan pretended to be offended. He placed a hand over his chest, feigning hurt as you laughed at his attempt to be petty. Afterward, he excused himself to change into a more comfortable outfit and muted you on Discord.

When Chan finally unmuted the call, you blew a raspberry and stuck your tongue out at the camera. “I couldn’t, I was out of town. I just got back an hour ago,” you yawned, stretching your arms into the air. Then you spun around in your chair, coming to a complete stop when you saw him wearing a new sweatshirt.

“I knowww,” Chan dragged, taking a seat in front of his monitor again, “I’m surprised I’m not that jet lag.”

“It’ll catch up to you, trust me,” you rolled your eyes at the memory of your own jet lag experience. It was horrible. “Is that new? The quality looks expensive, what’s it made of?” You asked about his sweatshirt.

Chan touched the black fabric, pinching it between his fingers to emphasize his next words, “You can say it’s… boyfriend material…” He shyly laughed when you palmed your face at his cheesy joke, but you were laughing too. “I’M JOKING, ENOUGH,” he smiled.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be wearing that, Chan,” you teased.

He looked down at his sweatshirt, searching for any flaws. “Why? Does it look ugly on me?”

“Nope,” you said, shaking your head, “You’re a fraud.”

“For what?”

“As much as you’re wearing something that’s boyfriend material, are you boyfriend material?” You teased him again as he could only smile back at you. He took your hint pretty well.

Chan pretended to shrug and spun in his chair. He briefly stared at the ceiling, thinking of what to say next. When Chan looked into the lens, he chuckled softly, “Can I? Or shall I?”

“Can you what?” You didn’t get it.

“Be your boyfriend.”

You blushed and fell silent. Chan wiggled his eyebrows, feeling like he won this time. It was your turn to get teased by him. He was about to say something but you beat him to it.

“Ask me again in person,” you looked away from the screen of your laptop to hide your warm cheeks.

“Can I? Or shall I?”

“What?”

“Come over now,” Chan eagerly suggested.

It was obvious that he was super excited and wanted to see you in person. He was like a kid on a sugar high.

“Can I? Or shall I?”

When his joke was being repeated by someone else other than him, you, he tilted his head in confusion. “What?” He asked.

“Can I? Or shall I? Be your girlfriend.”

Bang Chan didn’t even have to think twice. “Yes.”

“Well, come on and get over here then,” you laughed.

“Be there in fifteen.”

↫ ix ↬

“Wow, that movie is so good. It’s the best one I’ve seen all year long,” Chan gushed as you searched for places to grab a quick drink before going home.

You both had just finished watching Parasite, a movie about a lower class family benefiting from a wealthy family. From the trailers you’ve watched with Chan, you both thought it was going to be some kind of horror movie. However, the plot was totally unexpected and kept you on your toes.

Chan paid attention to the road but felt your eyes land on him. You smiled, adding on to what he was probably going to say next, “I’d say it deserves a ten out of ten from me.”

You navigated him to the nearest boba shop. To Chan’s luck, he found an open parking spot a few shops away from the place. When you got out of the car, the strong breeze hit your face, causing you to scrunch your nose. Chan noticed, so he put your hood on and tightly pulled onto the strings of your hoodie. You squealed, leaning away as he laughed.

As you kept walking, you were tired of having your hand brush against his. So, you took his hand into yours, slowly entwining your fingers with his while holding them up to show him. Chan covered his face because he found you so cute. He wanted to give you a hug.

“Can I see your wallet?” Chan asked.

You didn’t know why but you gave it to him anyway. You were fine with it since he’s already seen your cringy IDs since high school. “Why, what are you going to do with it?”

He ignored your question and approached the cashier, leaving you in the booth by yourself, asking, “Hi, can I get two roasted rice milk teas? Yeah, and with boba too.”

Then, Chan brought his phone out of his pocket, using Apple Pay as you stood there in disbelief. He walked back to the booth, taking your hand in his and returned your wallet. “Wow, you’re sly,” you slapped his hand away.

Chan chuckled, playing with the order number at his fingertips, “You can pay next time.”

“Oh, I will,” you stuck your tongue out.

Once your drinks were out, Chan drove you back to your place. You sat in the car with him, getting nervous when he turned off the engine. “Do you wanna… “ He threw in a suggestion.

You didn’t even let him finish. “W-wanna what?”

Chan held back a small laugh, “I was wondering,” and he paused, “If you wanted to take a stroll around the neighborhood before we call it a night.”

You wanted to repeatedly slap your forehead for having inappropriate thoughts in the first place. When you didn’t give Chan an answer, he threw in another suggestion. “Unless it’s too cold outside, we can go back to my place and hang out with Berry,” he shrugged.

Your eyes lit up at the mention of Berry. Your love for dogs was the same as it was for boba, and you excitedly nodded. Chan shook his head and rolled eyes his at your childlike reaction. He started his car again, reversing to give him some leeway and drove into the streets. His place wasn’t far from yours, it was only a five-minute drive and a fifteen-minute walk.

After parking his car into the driveway, you bolted out of your seat and waited for him to catch up to you at the door. Chan teased you for being more excited to see Berry instead of him. When you said, ‘Of course,’ he stopped in the middle of unlocking the door and raised an eyebrow.

Chan leaned in to whisper into your ear, “You can find your own ride back home, then.”

He bit his lip to prevent a smile from forming on his lips when you linked your arms with his, saying ‘sorry’ while begging him to drive you back home later. Of course, Chan was going to take you back. He wanted to make sure you were heading into your house safe and sound. When he finally unlocked the door, Berry woke up and shook herself before approaching the familiar scent of her owner. You heard small footsteps and the bell of her collar tinkling as she walked up to you and Chan.

He petted her head, giving it a quick scratch before kicking his shoes off. You crouched down to pet Berry while she heavily sniffed your ankles and socks. There was a dog scent coming from you because you have a dog back at home too.

Chan flipped on the lights and went to the kitchen to dump his empty drink into the motion sensor trash bin. When he walked into the living room, you had Berry laying flat on your chest and stomach. Her head pointed towards you and she cutely blinked, slowly beginning to fall asleep until Chan sat next to you.

She got up, edging herself between you two and laid on her stomach, waiting for Chan to give her a belly rub. As he rubbed her belly, you looked around the living room and noticed the house was quiet. “Where’s everybody?” You asked.

“Hannah’s at a sleepover and Lucas went with my parents to see a show. So I guess it’s just you and me.”

“Oh.”

“Wanna see what I’ve been working on?”

“Sure,” you nodded, feeling nervous again. Chan carried Berry back to her doggie bed by the fireplace, giving her one last pet before heading upstairs with you. When you walked into his room, you rolled your eyes at the giant monitors on his desk. Chan turned on his computer, satisfied with its smooth powering up, and typed in his password when the login appeared onto the screen.

Distracted by his light-up keyboard and mouse, you weren’t aware of him asking you to have a seat on his bed. Chan shook his head, handing you the mouse. “Go for it,” he offered you to change the color of his setup.

When you handed back the mouse, Chan searched for a folder titled: CB97 and clicked on a file that opened into an audio clip. He played it for you, a soft smile appearing on his lips when you bobbed to the beat. “Do you have a name for this song in the making?”

“I’m thinking of… Hoodie Season?”

“I like that title,” you fell onto the bed as he played more clips for you to hear. When your eyelids were slowly beginning to droop, both yours and Chan’s phone buzzed. It was a Snapchat notification from Hyunjin.

You reached into your butt pocket, whipping out your phone to take a look at whatever irrelevant thing Hyunjin would send to you at this time. When you opened his message, it was a recorded memory from a couple weeks back.

“Yo, I’m sick as fuuu-“ Felix hyped himself until he threw up into the nearest bush outside of the local bar. Thank god the snap ended before you could see anything coming out, but it was still fun to watch.

You giggled and pressed onto the next video.

“I miss you, I love you, and I know you’re going to kick my ass when you see me tomorrow,” Jisung whined to his girlfriend on the phone, “If you kick my ass, you will regret it. Then, you won’t have a nice ass to look at and touch anymore.”

Then the camera pointed at you. “You’re so gross,” you fake gagged and took out your own phone to dial your crush, “God, I miss Chan.”

Before you could finish watching the whole thing, you internally screamed inside your head and quickly skipped that part. “What was that?” Chan asked, plopping onto the bed to watch the video when he heard his name being said out loud.

You immediately chucked the screen away, facing it down onto the bed, “Nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Chan said, trying to peer over your shoulder.

Shaking your head, you tried to roll away, but he wrapped an arm around your waist, reaching for your phone with his free hand. You pleaded for him to not look, and he did exactly the opposite.

Chan watched your drunk self confessing to him on the phone from that night. No matter how hard you’d try to wriggle out of his grasp and steal your phone back, he was too strong for you to do so. When the part where you handed your phone to Changbin came up, Hyunjin flipped the camera back to selfie mode to display his face.

Hyunjin drunkenly pointed his index finger at the camera, trying to prove a point. “And that’s how you get back at Jisung and Y/N.” Several moments later, his eyes widened, “OH My GOD, Y/N.”

You guessed the recording ended when you threw up. Not a good memory.

Your mouth went agape. Hyunjin did both you and Jisung dirty.

“I’m going to kill him,” you said, clenching your fist.

“And I’m going to screen record that from my phone,” Chan laughed, extending his arm to the desk for his phone until you pushed his shoulders back down. He landed onto the bed with a light thud, wrapping his arms around your waist again. Chan stared at your flushed cheeks, softly chuckling at your persistence to prevent him from watching your most embarrassing moment in life once more.

You glanced down to his lips, admiring his prominent cupid’s bow and held in a breath. Chan stared into your eyes, his eyes trailing down your nose, and then to your lips lovingly. Grinning like a fool, he was happy to have you as his and in his arms. Chan bit his lip, stopping the softest smile from spreading across his lips. He knew he failed to keep his cool. While his grip on your waist loosened, he brought a hand to your cheek, gently cupping it with his smooth palm.

Chan leaned in, a small smirk quirking at the corner of his lips when you nervously gulped. You didn’t even have time to think because his lips were suddenly on yours. Chan pressed on slowly, grabbing your thigh to hitch you closer to him. You fluttered your eyes shut, savoring the taste of his lips as he took control. Chan loved the feeling of having your hands run down from his shoulders and to his chest. He’s honestly the master of the teasing game, lightly nipping at your bottom lip and flicking his tongue at the entrance of your mouth. Before he could deepen the kiss, he flipped you over, so that you’d be lying under him instead. Chan didn’t know where the night would take him and you didn’t either.

But it is what it is, so he made sure to lock the door, just in case.

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rotblut · 3 years ago

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girl PLEASE give us all ur yom headcanons i'm BEGGING

(ignore the grammatical mistakes please and thank you you know my engish sucks)

happy ones where they are alive and happy ok

so MS didn’t run away and stayed there and they went to her mom’s house and did all the preparations for her dad’s funeral and they stayed with them for some time

at night MH gets nightmares from all the things they had to endure but HT is there for her (he doesn’t get that sever nightmares anymore the way he got them in the past)

they want to move as far away as possible from gwangju so they move to a little town in the countryside where distant relatives of her live there

those relatives give them a lil place to stay and it’s a lil house but it’s their house

lots of handholding while they walk or even sit they love to hold hands (and rub with their thumbs either the back or the palm of their hands) and he loves to play with her fingers too

he loves to surprise her with random gifts but not the materialistic kind. all sorts of stuff: composing new songs for her and (spoiler) their 3 kids and he loves to pick up wild flowers and do stuff for her and of course also buy her little things because he knows she’s not the materialistic type but he loves to just give her stuff since he always wants to impress her like it’s their first time meeting

she’s an okay cook but he cooks better so he mostly does the cooking and they share the household duties but he really wants to do so much for her and she won’t let him do it all alone so they tease each other about it

he doesn’t enter the song festival but he does mini concerts just for her in their living room or outside in front of their house at the porch and later on he even sings in front of others when there are little festivals that the town there celebrates

don’t know how medical studies work but i guess he finally starts to finish his medical learning there at a really little clinic and after years of working there the guy who’s in charge retires so HT becomes the head of that little clinic and she works there as the head nurse (but really it’s not much work like most of the stuff is easy but since it’s the only clinic in that part of the countryside people do go there to get treated)

every month they send a lil money to her mom/grandma and to JT and MS

june 23rd is his birthday. he tells her i love you and she tells him that back. i mean they already said it millionth of times with their gestures and their promises and how they treat each other but this is the first time they say it out loud. they celebrate his bday together at home and she cooks for him and it’s quiet but lovely and full of embarrassing moments and happy and crying moments too. she gifts him a shirt and it became their tradition that on his bday she gifts him a shirt with a prayer sewn in there (by her)

after 3 months of living together (august) they go to seoul and sign the papers to legally be married but this time they go with her mom, grandma, MS. (JT is still recovering but HT has now a better relationship with him and talks to him once a week on the phone)

they have 3 kids: the first is a girl, 2nd is also a girl and the last is a boy. sdkfhlkajsdlfkadsf

she notices that she’s pregnant in september and she’s happy but also scared because what if she will make their baby suffer and that their baby will resent her like she resented her father for a long time. and she doesn’t want that for her baby. HT finds her on the floor crying after he comes home and (they promised to tell each other everything) she reluctantly but truthfully tells him that she’s pregnant. and that she’s scared and happy of course since it’s their baby, but really scared. he reassures her that even tho they will not be perfect parents and make mistakes they will raise their baby with lots of love and care and he wants to raise their baby together. after that they both cry and he feels so many new emotions that he composes a new melody that he will play for them in the next months and years.

he talks to the baby in her belly and she names all their kids because she’s the only carrying the baby in her belly

nov the 1st is her birthday and their special date day. he already does everything she tells him to do but on that day he’s even more committed. he buys her a maternity dress and also gets her her fave butter bread and flowers and other stuff. he wrote parts of the lyrics for her song so he sings it this time for her with the lyrics. she cries. like a lot.

they are still visiting orphanages and doing their duty to help the kids there

(it’s getting long so for now lemme stop there and maybe there will be part 2 of only happy headcanons another time)

sad ones (between ep 3-12):

this was in ep 10 after he gave her her bro’s shoes and they talked a bit and they are still bloody and dirty from everything so HT takes a washcloth and basin from the bathroom next to their room in the hospital and goes back to her. he asks her to stay still and he washes her face clean from the blood, tears and dirt and he does it so tenderly and really carefully and she starts crying again because of everything and she just lets him clean her face and he also takes her hands and arms so he can clean them too and after she’s clean she takes the basin and washcloth and takes it to the bathroom and gets a new one and does the same for him too. they don’t say nothing at all and just look at each other and after that shower and this time they sleep in the same bed side by side and he holds her in his arms till they both fall asleep

in ep 11 when he returns all bloody and dirty and a mess she's the one to take the washcloth and basin and cleans him and by doing that thinks *I love you I’m sorry I’m glad you came back and are here with me* and this time he’s the one to cry and she cries too and he takes her hand and puts her inner palm to his lips and gives it a long peck and just looks at her

sad ones (after her .............. you know)

so after what happened to MH, HT stopped playing the guitar. *whenever I think of you, I can’t help but sing* well he won’t play or sing at all anymore. his guitar was still in that room in the church with the rest of their belongings and the priest kept it there till HT came back to get them and HT broke down in front of the priest. after that he took their things and for a few years he left the guitar at MH’s mom’s house. after her mom died he took it with him and put it hidden away in a closet where he lived in seoul. only after he finally found out what happend to MH and she came back to him he took it out, finished the lyrics of her song and played the guitar at her grave.

he regularly visited her mom, granny + myungsoo and also had a good relationship with his bro and even the stepmom

i think he was questioned for a long time and in custody of the soldiers and once he came back he meticulously searched every tiny spot in the woods for signs of her but he found nothing

it was confirmed that (when he enternd the restaurant in the time skip) it was already november. and november the 1st was her birthday....... and his birthday was on june 23rd (a month after their wedding day and her death) ....... he spend it in agony

he has her passport picture in his wallet and there is a picture of her in his room too

he rented a lil room in gwangju and got her stuff moved there from the share house she was living in and he regularly helped her mom by sending her money the way MH did when she was........ you know. and he send money to MS too.

after 2 years he decided to finish his studies because he remembered that she told him he would be a good doctor so he did it more for her than himself and moved to seoul.

he does the medical visits to the orphanages each year

deep inside he had known she died

he only talked about her with MS and JT and once seok chul regained consciousness he talked to her about MH

don’t even wanna talk about the triggering stuff that he did to himself/the trauma/ptsd that he has because of her death/the situation they had to endure

anyway share your headcanons too pls thanksssssss

#frage #the sun rises in your smile

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yulmoldauer · 4 years ago

Text

its better not to say such things out loud (Tyson Jost/OC): Chapter One

part 2

Story summary: Mason Wright was recently traded and because an Av. Sometimes a fresh start with a new team across the country is what a guy needs, right? It seems to work out, going to a place where no one truly knows you. That is, until someone finds out what you’re desperately trying to hide.

Chapter 1

Summary: Mason’s had a rough game, to put it simply. It was never the best idea to get into a fight with someone bigger than you. They won even with him taking a five-minute major for fighting halfway through the third period. The team goes out to celebrate his 23rd birthday post-win and Tyson takes care of getting him home and to sleep safely.

Warnings: None, I believe! Just some drinking mentioned and there’s a drunk character if that makes you uncomfortable. There’s also a slur against lgbt people used.

Words: 1,968

Notes: The title is from The Stigma (Boys Don’t Cry) by As It Is. This is the thing with the LGBT main character that I’ve had a few different people tell me they’d be interested in :) I’m having a lot of fun writing and plotting this so far, so let me know if you enjoy!

There were perks to being smaller than most other people in the league. Being an extremely fast and skilled defenseman was one of them.

Being outmatched in every possible articulation, being compared to a chihuahua yapping at a pitbull, everything like that. Which is how he ended up in the penalty box for five fucking minutes, the asshole in the box next to him chirping him the entire time, it seemed like.

“What are you, a fag?”

That was what Mason heard fly by him, aimed at Jost who wouldn’t get into a fight to draw a penalty. Mason knew for a fact that’s what the guy was trying to do. He still took the bait when Tyson didn’t.

Mason was smaller than nearly every player he knew. Watching him get into a fight was exciting yet painful at the same time for anyone with a brain. The other guy was at least six-foot compared to the five-foot-eight Mason. To say it was outmatched…

Mason was going to be lucky if he didn’t come out of this with some scrapes and bruises. A broken nose was pretty likely as well, once he thought about it.

But hearing that word ignited something in him that overtook the reasoning section of his brain and both of them were dropping gloves. Sure, he’d definitely have a black eye tomorrow, but he’d gotten a few good licks in as well.

They still won the game, which was nice.

“Dude, you gotta at least get into it with guys in your weight class.”

“You’re funny, Landeskog. Whole fucking league is out of my weight class,” Mason huffed as he stripped his padding off of his lean torso.

“Yeah, kinda the point,” Zadorov shrugged. “Not your fault you’re smaller, just the way it is.”

“I get it, I’m short,” he ran a hand through his wavy helmet hair and reached down to unlace his skates. “Z, you can fight for me, then. I’ll run my mouth and you can do all the hitting.”

“With you? Don’t take it, man, Wright can go on and on for hours,” Tyson chirped from across the room. That earned him a glove chucked at his face.

“Fuck y’all. I don’t even have a good comeback.”

“Because it’s true!”

Okay, maybe it was true. Mason was just a talker, it’s how it was.

Tyson gave him endless shit about it, but really he didn’t mind. He actually enjoyed just being able to turn his brain off and absorb whatever stuck from what Mason was going on about. Usually it didn’t even matter--ranting about how a show got robbed of some award that doesn’t even matter, spewing information about whatever book he was reading, going off about whatever asshole did something stupid during his day-- Tyson would just let him go until he ran out of steam. Conversations were nice, too, when he was in just a talkative mood as well.

Mason did know how to shut up, though. Sometimes. (Hint: that’s what made him the favorite out of the Wright/Zadorov best friend duo. He could be quieter than Z. They’ve threatened to separate the two on multiple occasions, though.)

“What’d that guy even do to rile you up? You looked pissed,” Nate broke Mason out of his train of thought.

“Just called someone something stupid. I’m not gonna repeat it.”

“He called me a fag because I wouldn’t take the bait for the penalty,” Tyson said soon after. “He’s just a fucking moron because he got a longer penalty than any of us.”

There was an uncomfortable moment as that sunk in, then a few “what the fuck” or “that’s gross” phrases before people moved on to heading to the showers.

Mason was about to sneak away when Tyson called out his name.

“Hey, I wanted to catch you before you hit the shower. You got a second?”

“Yeah, sure. I just have to do some pt kind of stuff before I shower. What’s up?” he offered with a friendly smile.

“I just wanted to thank you for sticking up for me. You definitely didn’t have to, but calling him on it drew a ton of attention to it. I think it’s really important to start weeding that shit out of the sport, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Mason smiled. “I--thanks, man. That means a lot to me.”

“‘Course,” Tyson gave a nod. “And you know if you were, like… y’know, gay or… anything, really, I wouldn’t care. And neither would anyone else on the team. It’d totally be okay.”

Mason wanted to give him a reassuring “I know” but couldn’t. Hockey was definitely not the environment known for welcoming lgbt kids and turning them into well-adjusted, accepted adults.

“Thanks,” Mason murmured. “Really, that means a lot.”

“Of course,” Tyson breathed, like he was getting a huge weight off his chest. “Um, yeah. I’ll let you go do your physical therapy stuff now. I’ll see you at the bar after everything’s done here?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna ditch you for my birthday, idiot.”

With an excited smile, Tyson turned and headed in the opposite direction.

Once he reached an area to chill out while waiting for the showers to clear out, Mason sighed, plopping into a chair and resting his head in his hands.

Obviously he knew why Tyson brought up starting to call out homophobia and other bigoted shit they were all used to just overlooking. But why did he bring up the whole ‘we’d accept you no matter what’ thing?

The thought of ‘he was very sensitive to a slur so maybe he’s gay’ never crossed Mason’s mind. That would simply be too easy and rational.

Did Tyson know he was different? What exactly did Tyson know? There was no way Tyson would out him, but still. Trusting people to keep a secret was hard. It was just easier to bottle everything up.

God, he needed to figure this out.

Maybe he’d get drunk enough tonight to just forget for a little while. He didn’t get drunk or even drink all that often, he could let go every now and then.

At the beginning of the night, Gabe took his keys, promising that he’d give them to whoever would be driving Mason home. They all knew for a fact Mason wouldn’t drive drunk, it wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities. Honestly, they were more worried about the newly twenty-three-year-old losing them or putting them somewhere so he’d ‘remember where they are later’, which was proven ineffective at the last gathering Gabe threw.

“If you can’t figure out where the stupid keys are, he can come get them in the morning or I can drop them off to him or something,” Gabe rolled his eyes.

“You’re sure you don’t remember where you put them?” JT triple-checked. He’d been the designated driver for a few of them, including Mason, Tyson, and a couple others who had already gotten out to the car.

Mason shook his head. “I’m not even that drunk,” he insisted.

“Uh-huh. Gabe, just let me know if you find ‘em and we can work something out for him in the morning.”

Twenty minutes later, Gabe sent a picture and “anyone know who these belong to?” in the group chat. It was, without a doubt, Mason’s keys, adorned with a keychain reading “DETROIT” in graffiti lettering. He was from Detroit, and everyone knew that he refused to take that keychain off until it literally fell off for some sentimental reason, most likely.

‘Lol where’d you find it?’ someone texted back.

‘My dishwasher. His wallet was there too’

Mason has still never heard the end of that. No matter how hard he tried to explain that when he put them somewhere, it meant that he wouldn’t lose them or buy something stupid online (last time that happened, he bought a thing to hang on a window so your cat could sit on it and sunbathe. Mason has not owned a cat at any point in his life.) and he’d remember where it was once he sobered up.

Of course he still gets relentless shit for it. He wouldn’t expect any different.

Currently, Mason and Z were arm wrestling over a table in the back of the bar, people beginning to call it quits and going home. And with his pride hurt that he could not beat Z in an arm wrestling match, Tyson stole the other’s keys and wallet from Gabe, saying goodbyes and forcing Mason to as well.

“You are blasted, man.”

“Mmph,” he shrugged and laid his head against the passenger window. “I wanna lay down and sleep.”

“You can when I get you home. Gimmie your seatbelt so I can buckle you in.”

Mason followed the order with a small pout, not drunk enough to the point of incoherence but… definitely a little fucked up. Tyson had done this before: dealing with the mopey friend at the end of the night. Mason was definitely one to get mopey or clingy once they left the main event.

“My face hurts.”

“That checks out, buddy. I’ll get you some ice for it back at your place. What?” Tyson continued to ask when Mason stared out the windshield all angsty.

“Still can’t believe I couldn’t beat Z.”

“That guy could slam most of us through a table, don’t beat yourself up.”

“Can’t. Someone already did.”

“You’re full of jokes, huh?”

Mason just grinned sleepily as they pulled into the apartment complex and Tyson had an arm wrapped around his friend to keep him steady. Getting a drunk person to go to bed was usually one of the hardest parts of the night.

“Would you just--”

“I got it,” Mason huffed, fumbling with his keys near the lock of the door.

“Dude.”

“Shut up, you’re gonna wake up my neighbors,” he grumbled, finally getting the door open with a triumphant “see? I’m an adult.”

“I see. Go be an adult and get ready to go to bed,” Tyson rolled his eyes, taking the keys out of the door and locking it behind them.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” he replied quickly.

“You’re drunk, what do you mean you don’t want to sleep?”

“Not tired,” he flopped down on the couch.

“At least get out of your clothes. That way if you fall asleep it’s in pajamas.”

Mason was sprawled out, already clicking through Netflix.

“Fine, I will go get you pajamas. Here,” Tyson pressed a cold compress to a bruise on his face and headed to the bedroom.

“Thanks for driving me,” he heard from the other room.

“‘Course,” Tyson called back. “Here, put these on,” he tossed the clothes at Mason.

“Are you staying here? You can take the guest room, if you want.”

“Sure. Probably easier than trying to get home this late,” Tyson shrugged and headed for the kitchen. As he heard the rustling around of what he assumed was his friend changing, Tyson got a glass of water and painkillers for when Mason woke up.

“I can drive you home tomorrow,” Mason slurred even more heavily as he began getting more tired. He’d managed to get his jeans off and a pair of shorts on before moving onto the shirt. He’d just pulled his shirt off when Tyson walked back in the room with the water.

“Woah,” he said quietly, stopping quickly.

For whatever reason, he’d never realized that he had never seen his teammate and friend shirtless. That was weird, especially when you played sports together for a living. He assumed it was due to the faded scars along his chest, almost in a u-shape under each pec.

He didn’t even know what kind of injury would cause that kind of surgery.

“When did you get surgery?”

Fuck was all that ran through Mason’s head.

#nhl #hockey #mens hockey #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #fanfiction #m/m ship #nhl fanfiction #hockey fanfiction #hockey fandom #nhl fandom #tyson jost #avalanche #colorado avalanche #Colorado Avalanche fanfic #my stuff

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 6 years ago

Text

Truth Pt. 13

Master List @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: Everything. Seriously. Feels, angst, violence, death, smut, fluff, trauma, literally everything.

A/N: The moment this crazy story ran away with me I knew so much of this was coming. It’s partially why I wrote the last chapter just to put off writing this one. I don’t want to say anything more because I just can’t but yeah.

Also HUGE thanks to @wonderlandmind4 and @courtmr for betaing this monster.

OH! And there is another chapter after this.

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @handplucked @buckysstar @sam-jae @marauderconvos –harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @andreagf956 @marvelousmeggi @jewelofwinter @fairislesheets @animegirlgeeky @lydklein1 @katecolleen @siriuslycloudy2 @zannemes

Tony insisted everyone meet for brunch on Sunday around 11am. While you appreciate the gesture, after the late-night surrounded by so many people you’re kind of dreading it.

“We should make an appearance.” Bucky insists, slipping into his jeans while you’re still in one of his tee’s and your underwear in bed.

“Who even are you?”

“What?”

“Since when are you so keen on socializing?”

He laughs, “Guess you’re rubbing off on me.”

“Yeah,” begrudgingly you crawl from the bed.

“It’s a low bar babe.” As you walk to the closet he grabs you and places a nipping playful kiss on the back of your neck.

“Mmm, sure you wanna go?” You purr, reaching back and pulling his hips close.

“Yep,” he slaps your ass hard. “Get dressed.”

Just about everyone is lounging in the common space save for Hill, who you saw leave the party last night with a knockout blonde.

“Morning!” Steve booms from the kitchen, pouring himself some OJ. From across the room, a blueberry hits Steve right between the eyes.

“We talked about this Rogers. Inside voices,” Clint groans, head falling back on the couch.

“Go a little hard last night Clint?” You pat his forehead as you walk by, he grunts in response.

Tony rounds the corner, “Oh the IT couple is here finally.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony laughs and plucks the paper Sam holds up from his hands.

“Check out who’s gracing the front of the Styles section.” He presses the Times into your hands and you stare down at a picture of you and Bucky from the night before.

The story is just a general overview of the gala but there, big and in color, are you and Bucky on the dance floor. It must have been just after the song ended. His hands are on your waist, the smile on his face brighter than the sun, your head is tossed back in a laugh. You look like any happy couple… Save for the fact that you weren’t just any couple.

“You’re on the website too,” Nat walks up and hands you her tablet.

There’s a gallery from the evening featuring everyone but there are quite a few candid photos of you and Bucky. One your head is resting on his chest, his lips pressed to your forehead. The caption reads: “Avenger team members, Barnes and Michaels, share a tender moment.” You aren’t sure how you feel about it. From the tension in Bucky’s jaw, he doesn’t know either.

“You can’t buy good PR like that,” Pepper says making herself and Natasha mimosas. “The two of you were just perfect.”

You both only stay for a bit. Unsettled by your images being so widely shared after living your lives in shadow for so long. It was a very abrupt change…

Back in the apartment, you pick up the paper that was always left by the door, Bucky liked doing the crossword. You look at the picture again. Shaking your head.

“You ok?” Bucky comes up behind you, gently rubbing your back.

“Yeah… just… my mom is definitely turning in her grave right now.”

“Good or bad way?”

“Good,” you laugh a small hollow sound. “Her daughter in the society pages. She’d be beside herself. I can hear her now,” your accent tries to echo your mom’s soft German accent. “Finally you got it right my little firefly.”

“Firefly?” His expression is achingly soft.

“Mhm. I used to be obsessed with them when I was little. Always chasing them and catching them for her. So it became a nickname.”

“I bet they’re both very proud of you, doll.”

You shrug. “I’m… I’m gonna hop in the shower.”

Two days later you go into the office for a pen to keep score in Scrabble and notice something new on the wall. The picture of you two from the paper beautifully framed. Your breath catches in your throat. It’s placed next to a picture of a young you with your parents, all three of you smiling and happy and a photo of him with his sisters and Steve, all of them smiling. Happy moments spanning almost a century, the two of you connecting them…

“Ich liebe euch beide,” (I love you both.) you whisper to your parents’ photo. “Sorry, it took me so long to get it together… I wish you could meet him… you’d like him.” Your eyes slide to the picture of you both.

You kiss your fingers and press them to the picture of your little family before wiping your eyes and heading out.

Bucky’s leg is bouncing at a ridiculous rate until you set your hand on his knee, giving it a squeeze. He looks at you, knowing he looks like he’s about to burst open. It’s taking everything in him to shut up.

“So,” your voice is so steady, he can’t understand how you’re not as nervous as he is right now. “You’re sure this one is legit?”

Tony sighs, “Yeah. After the last two, we figured if we came across something similar to your signature again we’d monitor the area for a bit longer, see if or how the readings change.”

He runs a hand over his face as he looks over the images floating over the table. “The readings are strong… really strong. The draw on the power grid is insane. And… well, we’ve picked up all the variations of your energy signature… it’s not coincidence.”

The fact that the chances of them finding assets similar to you are incredibly high isn’t what has him on edge. It’s that the industrial complex the readings are emitting from is just outside of Odessa in Ukraine… It’s too close to what was once Hydra’s hotbed… It’s very possible that this is the facility you were made at, he knows you have to realize this.

The last place with a matching energy signature had been a place they’d housed you for a while. That alone wrecked you. To go back to where it all started… who knew what that may do to you emotionally.

“How volatile is this, Tony?” Steve’s tone is gravel.

Tony just stares a bit and Bruce answers, “Very. The emissions have been steadily climbing over the past couple of weeks. Only thing is we can’t really get a lock on how many are running the place… no way to know what we may run into.”

“But we can’t ignore it,” Sam’s gaze is locked on the screen’s, determination setting his features.

“No,” Tony agrees in a solemn voice. “We absolutely can’t.”

They head out tomorrow evening so they’ll land in Ukraine in the early morning hours. The hope being that the cover of darkness will give them a tactical advantage, the last thing they want is for them to abandon ship and set up elsewhere again. With any luck, this will be how they put an end to this particular project once and for all. He knows that will bring you peace of some kind.

Once the tactical brief is over and you’re back in the safety of your apartment Bucky wordlessly pulls you toward the bedroom. He needs to feel your skin against his. He needs to touch you, set you alight in the best way possible, see the sparkles in your eyes.

“Buck-” he cuts you off with a kiss, his hands sliding under your hoodie. Your body responds to his touch the way he hoped it would goosebumps rising, heart rate increasing, your hands grasping the waist of his jeans to hold him close.

At this point, you’ve learned the ins and outs of the other’s body. Even so every time he feels your touch it feels like the first time. He still is amazed you want him. He’s still so goddamn thankful.

He pulls your hoodie over your head and slides your leggings down your powerful thighs. Holding you by your hips he lifts you just a touch and gently tosses you back on the bed. Your small giggle fills him with warmth.

Once you’re free of your leggings entirely he runs kisses down your thighs, letting his stubble rub against the tender skin in that way that makes you shudder. His tongue flits across your clit causing you to let out a low sensual sound. He’s aching, throbbing against the confines of his jeans. He ignores it. Right now he wants to make you feel good. To chase away any thoughts that aren’t pleasure.

After he’s lost count of the number of times he’s made you come you pant, “No more, please. I… you, I need to feel you, Bucky, please.” He smiles. It’s cute how you said please as if he’d ever say no.

Morning comes too quickly for his liking.

You shower together and it’s not until you’re drying your hair he finally says something about the mission, “If you can’t handle this, Y/N it’s ok. No one would judge you.”

Turning you give him a weak smile, “Are you really worried that I can’t handle it, babe? Or can you not…”

He traces your brow with his metal fingers, “I just don’t want this to get to you like the last one or… the first one… with the woman…” You take his hand in yours, studying his face.

“It won’t.”

“You don’t know that, Y/N.”

“I do.” This time your smile is full, lighting up your features. “I have you. Nothing will ever be like it was before.” You look away, your brow knitting before meeting his gaze once more, “Bucky… I… you… I don’t feel broken anymore. Because of you.”

His chest constricts. Immediately he pulls you to him, crushing you to his chest. “You were never broken, Y/N. Never.”

As soon as the jet lands a mile away from the facility, you steel yourself. The fizzing in your head and a sick feeling in your stomach that began the moment you saw the shots Tony pulled up told you everything your own memories couldn’t really touch.

You had done your best to relay what information you could in today’s briefing. Everything from writing and drawing to miming, like some weird party game, was utilized. Hydra was smart, they knew it was always best for their dogs to know where home was but to never be able to lead anyone to it.

For what it was worth they knew the three-story building in the center of the complex was the main hub. The others were just storage, additional offices, nothing worth too much note and as best they could tell they weren’t being used at the moment. Underneath that building and snaking under the complex were at least four stories of labs, R & D facilities, medical facilities, training areas, holding cells, etc.

Since Tony and Bruce’s scans had revealed the same shifting energy signature that you emitted it was safe to assume they had, at least somewhat successfully, created another asset with abilities like your own if not multiple. The team is aware there’s a chance these people will likely be similar to the one you Nat, Steve, and Bucky faced all those months ago. Because of this the general consensus was to put them down, they couldn’t save them and they would be too big of a risk otherwise.

The main goal is to remove the possibility of these assets being sent out to wreak whatever havoc Hydra had planned. After that, they would get any intel they possibly could hard copy or otherwise and destroy any means they used to create you. With any luck, this would be the end of this branch of Hydra’s research. And you could close this chapter of your story once and for all.

“Alright,” Steve gets everyone’s attention, standing near the front of the jet. “We’re all clear on what we’re facing? And that Y/N has point here?”

A resounding Yes sends chills up your spine. No one knew what they were walking into, not really, and the idea of being the lead… You weren’t a leader. You were an asset. Trained to infiltrate, kill, obey. You didn’t lead you were led… led until you’d finally tell someone to go fuck themselves. Then they just reset you… a machine made, for one thing, destruction.

“Y/N?” Sam’s voice is soothing next to you.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m good.” Bucky’s metal hand gives yours a gentle squeeze.

Sighing heavily you release Bucky’s hand and stand next to Steve. “Like Tony said earlier, Jarvis can scan for energy signatures and alert everyone if something is about to go haywire but it’s not perfect. If you feel your skin begin to prickle, the temperature drop, or anything that’s remotely odd move on quickly. You engage with someone like me one shot to the head or the heart is the best course of action,” the tension around this point is palpable. “Physically attack as little as possible because it could trigger them to blow and if they’re good enough they can kill you on contact.”

You feel the energy shift under your own skin, “And if I say run, get the fuck out. We’re not losing anyone over this.” Your fist flexes by your side, thin tendrils of static glowing around it.

“Let’s end this.” Steve plants a heavy reassuring hand on your shoulder.

Everyone knows what their role is. Sam and Clint are covering the perimeter and outbuildings, taking out anyone they see and being their eyes on any suspicious activity that may indicate something going wrong inside. Tony is with Natasha and Hill while you’re with Steve and Bucky, the idea being that each grouping had someone who could lock in on energy signatures quickly. They would take the upper levels while your team would take the lower.

Though energy made it hard to scan for movement and heat signatures Tony was able to modify the coms to work. They had tested it over and over with your own power thrumming nearby and you were both confident he had it sorted. At the very least, you’d all be able to communicate what was happening.

Sam stops the van just outside the first building in the complex and you all file out before he tucks it away somewhere.

No one engages with you all on the first floor. It’s eerily quiet but you can feel that low pulse of power coming from somewhere below you, generators and something far more familiar. Bile rises in your throat and you struggle to force it down.

Tony’s group splits to head up while Steve and Bucky look for an access point down. You can’t seem to move. After a minute Bucky realizes you’re stuck.

“Baby,” his arms encircle you, the feeling of his touch and his familiar scent grounding you. “If you can’t do this-”

You shake your head. When you open your mouth at first nothing comes out, some part of your brain screaming that you aren’t supposed to speak here. “I w… want t… to.” You stutter but manage it. Small as it is it feels like a victory.

Steve lays a warm hand on your upper back, it's comforting to have both of them with you. “I got nothin’ but there’s gotta be a way down.”

There’s a ringing in your ears as you try to think, you press your forehead into Bucky’s chest squeezing your eyes closed trying your best to focus. It hits you, no stairs from here, an elevator hidden. Without a word you pull away from the both of them and walk robotically toward an office to the right.

The walls are wood paneling, a desk and chairs and books sit as though they’re just waiting for someone to come back from lunch. You know they’ve been in the same position for near 30 years. Automatically your hand reaches for the pencil cup, fingers effortlessly locating the one pen that doesn’t move. The innocuous sound of a pen clicking is followed by the whooshing of an elevator.

You all exchange a glance. An elevator was risky but… it would be faster.

“Y/N found an access point down. Elevator, fifth office door on the right, click the red pen in the cup. We’ll take it to the bottom and work our way up.” Steve updates the rest of the team.

“Be careful,” Natasha responds.

“We’ve cleared the second level, no one here. Once we’re done we’ll head down too.” Tony sounds tense. Someone should be here. Likely they were all downstairs… waiting.

Steve presses the fourth button, at least you were right about that. The doors close and each of the men takes one of your hands. From the corner of your eye, you see Bucky cast Steve a small but appreciative smile. As the elevator slows Steve releases your hand and moves in front of you both, shield out.

The doors open and there’s silence for a moment. All three of your heads swivel to the left, enhanced ears picking up on the slightest sounds. It’s over quickly. Steve shields you all from the bullets. One asset is like you, but like the other their attacks are unrefined. Steve manages to block a bolt with the shield.

“Down!” You command Steve and Bucky.

They hit the ground and a second later you send a white-hot bolt of energy slicing through the group. Some dodge of course but none save for the asset is fast enough to avoid your next volley. The asset lunges at you, hands sparkling. Bucky plants a bullet between their eyes in an instant and they’re down, energy dissipating.

As you make your way through the level you’re met with two other factions, neither have another asset like you though. There are a couple of muzzled assets but they go down like all the rest. This is not, after all, a mission where mercy can be afforded.

You’re picking your way through the medical ward. The pulsating energy from the generators makes your skin tingle, small sparks rising from you every now and then. A couple of computers are still running and you wipe them clean, hoping there’s something useful there. Once you take what you need you fry them to a pile of bubbling metal and plastic.

The underground levels are expansive, and after almost two hours of fighting and searching, you’re still not done here. Every passing minute seems to bring a new fragment of memory shooting through your skull. You keep them to yourself though, it’s not the time for them.

Tony’s voice crackles in through the coms. “Nat’s down. Entered what looked like a room with a boxing ring, it was electrified or something. Her vitals are steady but she’s unconscious.”

You grasp your head in your hands, trying to convince yourself that your skull isn’t going to fly apart. “T… training,” is all you can get out.

“Didn’t copy,” Hill’s voice chimes in.

“Y/N says those are training areas,” Steve looks to you for confirmation and you nod. “Avoid any room like that you see.”

You shake your head redirecting your mind to thoughts that weren’t about the facility so your tongue would obey you. “Go help them.” Steve looks like he’s going to argue, “We’ve got this. With Nat down, they’re down a person up there and someone needs to have an eye on her while she comes too since we can’t just leave her in the jet.”

“She’s right Steve. And in charge,” he throws his friend a wink. “We can handle ourselves. Go.”

Steve nods, “I’m heading to you, hold your position.”

You think this area is almost clear. At least until you cautiously you open two double doors that lead into a viewing area. Chairs are aligned in rows, bolted to the ground. Maybe enough for 20-30 people However they don’t face a screen.

In the corner of the room is a clear wall of what seems to be some kind of reinforced glass set between steel beams. Beyond that wall is a decently sized room. The only entry from where you stand is a door made out of the same clear material lined in metal supports. The two other walls of the room are stark white save for a window revealing a dark space beyond.

Your breath hisses out of you, Bucky turns concerned. “What is it?” Like a fish dropped on dry land your mouth opens and closes, nothing but small noises escaping, your brain screaming to tell him but your body unable to comply. “It’s ok baby,” the fingers of his right hand caress your cheek. “It’s ok.” Quickly he leans down and kisses you softly.

His touch. That’s what you focus on. Grabbing his hand you think about how good it feels when his skin is against yours, how good it felt last night to be with him. This seems to work, to allow you to take back some authority.

“There’s more.” Your voice is low but steady. “Through there.” You point toward the glass. “Research I think.” Bucky nods and you both proceed.

As you get closer though the energy levels rise higher. This room is like the one that zapped Nat… His hand goes for the handle.

“Wait!” He freezes. “Let me go first. I think it… it’s…” Fuck them for taking your words. You hold up your hand and let the power lash out in mini lightning bolts to demonstrate.

“Got it. Then we leave it.”

“No.”

His expression is exasperated when he turns to you. “Y/N you said-”

“It won’t hurt me. We have to clear everything.”

“Fine, if it goes too far back though.”

“I won’t proceed. There’s gotta be a way to shut it off close by anyway. I’ll look for that first.” He’s clearly not thrilled and honestly, you’re not either but you want to do this right. You kiss his cheek before opening the door.

The door and the walls are at least ten inches thick, the space around the door reinforced to a ridiculous amount and clearly only meant to be opened from the outside. Immediately you’re flooded with that energy, pure power, electric and hot flowing into you. After a few steps, you stop, having to take a moment to gather yourself.

“Doll?” Bucky calls after you, his voice dripping with concern.

“I’m ok,” you hold your right arm out thin strands of energy flowing from you to the ground. To your surprise the feeling clears your head a bit, you feel more in control than you have this whole time.

“I think… I think there’s one more level.” You turn to him. “Down. Where this,” you hold open your hand and light pulses so bright it’s almost blinding, “comes from. “Where I-”

“Y/N!” Bucky bellows moving to enter the room despite the risk. You’re incredibly thankful the door slams, preventing him from killing himself in here. You hear him fire his gun at the glass to no avail as you turn.

The room to the back is lit all the sudden, the power around you beginning to dissipate. A comm seems to switch on and you can hear Bucky’s voice screaming.

“Goddamnit! Steve, we have a situation back and left of where we split. Double doors. Backup now!”

You’re about to turn to tell him there’s gotta be another entrance and that you can hear him when a panel in the wall opens. You brace yourself for a fight, light coursing up your arms, lashing out ready to be released. A smirk plays on your face, they charged these rooms to trap people but only managed to give you a boost, unfortunate for them.

Instead of an asset or an agent though, a dignified older woman walks out. Her hair white and pulled into a familiar high bun. The set of her shoulders, the way her head is held, the way her eyes settle on you…

“Y/N!” Bucky screams, pounding on the door, trying in vain to get it open.

“Please, Sargeant Barnes, don’t make a fool of yourself,” the woman looks at him in disgust her accent softly Germanic. “This room was built to contain someone far more powerful than a recycled grunt like you could ever be.” She looks back to you, “Hello my little firefly.”

“Hurry!” Bucky bellows into the com. “Y/N! Baby doll, look at me.” He sounds like he’s a world away.

“M… mom?” You’re going to be sick you can feel it.

“Yes liebling,” she keeps her distance but gives you a smile. “It’s been too long. Longer to you I know. I wish that wasn’t the case but-”

You press the heels of your hands to your forehead as images flash. She was here… she had been… everywhere? What-

“This was not my preferred way my firefly but as always you have forced my hand.”

“I don’t-” you manage to breathe out. She takes a step toward you and you step back. Bucky is still pounding at the door with his metal fist, determined.

“You were born to be a wunderkind.” You can hear Steve in your crackling com, trying to find you but her voice cuts through everything. “My wunderkind. The honor to be chosen to be your mother…” She places her hand over her heart, “You were going to be the beginning of a new order for Hydra. A child raised in power-”

“W... what?!” This doesn’t make sense.

“Do you think you just happened to be stronger, faster, smarter all around better than your peers. No, my firefly.”

Suddenly you remember doctors visits throughout your childhood always with her. Your mother giving you injections telling you not to worry your dad because he was already so busy… The pushing the requirement to be perfect, it all takes on a sinister air.

“No, we made you better, all so you could become who you were meant to be. But instead, you threw it all away.” She sighs, a sound you grew familiar with as a teenager. “You forced my hand then, you’ve done so now.”

Steve is there, pounding with his shield, it’s not doing much, they call for Tony but you just can’t seem to care.

“It was one thing to work with trash like that,” she gestures to Bucky and Steve. “We could, I could, tolerate it while we got things sorted but to be with it. To debase yourself with Zola’s dog. I couldn’t stand by.”

“What did you say…” You growl, power once more pulsing.

“Don’t listen to her, Y/N!” Bucky calls out.

“I created you to surpass everyone, to stand above humanity. I made you-”

“You made me into a monster!” A bolt crashes just in front of her. Unimpressed she looks down.

“I made you into a god!” She sneers, “You made yourself into a disappointment.” That word hits you like a bullet to the chest. “Filling your body with filth. Associating with low lives. I did what any mother would do when it was clear there was no hope. I saved you from yourself!”

She takes a deep breath and composes herself. “We would have brought you back home in a gentler fashion. But when I saw those photos… I knew I had to extract you sooner.”

“Home,” you spit the word.

“Yes. This is your home, Y/N. With me.” You hear Tony in the com he’s coming. Once more she sighs, “No matter, soon you’ll remember who you are, what you were born to be. Doch’,” the Russian word for daughter zings through you.

Immediately you lift a glowing hand in threat, “Don’t.”

“Ubegay,” a smirk lifts her lips.

Your hand shakes as does your voice, “Mama, don’t.” Even after everything… the thought of killing your mother…

“Boginya,” you try to shoot her but you miss. “Rassvet.”

“Bucky!” You scream, power slipping away from you in response to the words. Frantically you run to the glass by the door.

“Y/N! Tony hurry!”

“Vybrannyy.”

He presses close as Steve keeps pounding at the handle, “Look at me baby,” his voice echoes over the com. “Stay-”

“Zashchishchat’.” You scream and fall to your knees holding your head. He kneels mouth moving but you can’t really understand the words. “Pod’yem.” Your body feels so heavy your head filled with humming, static, pain.

“Y/N!” He screams your name over and over. This man…

“Dvadtsat’,” another man outside, metal man. You rise slowly and turn toward the woman speaking. The woman with the words. “Dtanovit’sya.”

She smiles broadly, “Svetlyak.” Everything in you... freezes. “There’s my firefly.”

There’s a loud noise behind you. You don’t think to look, haven’t been told to. No orders. Just wait.

Something circular swooshes through the air hitting the woman with the words in the stomach, she crumples to the ground. You don’t care, she didn’t give you orders to protect her.

“Y/N! Baby!” A man with a metal arm takes you by the shoulders, shakes you. “Y/N?! Come on, fight it! Come back to me.” He looks so upset… did he give you orders? He seems familiar…

“Soldat?” That’s right, the arm. The Soldier. Not a handler but he sometimes was like one. He looks at you horrified. The other men just watch.

Would he know what you were to do? “Kakovy nashi zakazy?” (What are our orders?)

“Oh god.” He runs a hand over his face and through his hair, turning away. When he turns back he strikes you, hard, with his metal hand.

You hit your knees. Head reeling from the blow. From Bucky’s blow.

“Barnes!” Tony bellows.

Bucky ignores him collapsing next to you. “I’m so sorry baby,” he pulls you to him. “I’m so sorry. I’m so-”

He’s pressed your face to his chest, rocking you a little, “Thank you,” you croak.

He holds you at arm's length, “Y/N?!”

You nod, “Thank you. You kept your promise.”

His face collapses. For a minute you hold one another both knowing that the end had just come so close.

There’s a wheezing, a cough, before, “Pathetic.”

That bitch. You release Bucky and stand, pushing past Steve and Tony who are dumbfounded at everything they’ve seen. Standing over your mother you feel power pulse up your spine.

“I thought you’d be my biggest victory, you’re nothing. Too weak for greatness like your father.” She forces herself up coughing once more, blood at the edges of her mouth. “I should have put you both down.”

“Fuck you,” you growl. About to blast a hole through her chest.

��Hail, Hydra.” Immediately she begins to foam at the mouth.

“No you don’t get to-” A wild feral scream tears through you and you blast her straight to the chest once, twice, before you let loose a third Bucky wraps you in his arms turning you away from your mother's corpse.

You break. Screaming and screaming until it doesn’t even seem to be coming from you. Body pulsing bright all over. Your whole life… everything you thought you had known or that you had tried to draw peace from was a lie. Your own mother… Had she killed your dad… All because you…

Bucky’s lips are next to your ear, softly he begins to sing. Fly Me To The Moon. “In other words, hold my hand,” his hands slide over your own, sparking with energy. “In other words, baby, kiss me…” Slowly you both sink to the floor, your screams giving way to sobs. “You are all I long for, All I worship and adore,” he rocks you gently your back to his chest. “In other words, I love you.”

As he finishes you’re able to get a hold of yourself, body no longer glowing dangerously. Breathe a little normally.

“It’s clear back there,” you hear Hill’s voice say softly to Steve and Tony. “Got some data from the computer. I don’t think she expected to lose, there’s a lot there.”

“Great,” Tony whispers. He kneels in front of you, “Sparks,” his gauntleted hand rests gently on your thigh, “let’s get you outta here.”

Bucky releases you and you stand on shaky legs. “Natasha?” You ask looking to Hill.

“She’s ok,” she gives you a warm smile.

The relief from that statement is short lived. A massive pulse of energy thrums somewhere beneath your feet.

Your eyes shoot to Tony’s as Jarvis pipes over the com, “There seems to be some sort of anomaly, I cannot get a lock on it but I suggest immediate evacuation.” You nod agreeing.

The elevators are down, likely an automatic shut off when there’s a breach like the one you’re feeling. You know that somewhere there have to be stairs but no one had found them yet. Tony blasts through the doors without a thought.

“We could climb up,” Steve says.

“Too slow.” He steps in and rips a hole through the roof, “Get in, I can pull it up.” You do as he says and Tony pulls the car up at the first-floor doors Steve pulls them open. The three of you let Hill out first before crawling out yourselves. Once everyone is clear he releases the car and it plummets to the ground.

Another pulse of energy rattles the windows on the building. It’s so like your own for a moment you’re scared it’s coming from you.

“Sir, I believe the facility is set to demolish itself,” Jarvis’ unfazed tone rings in your ear.

“Right. Let’s get going. Wilson, get that van ready we need to get the hell out now,” Steve calls out as he starts for the exit.

Hill is fast but she's not enhanced and the distance between the main building and the van is about 150 yards. Tony scoops her up and the three of you run at full speed. Almost to the van, you feel a massive pulse vibrate the ground under your feet, curling up your burning legs you freeze.

Bucky looks at you from the door, “Y/N, come on baby.” Another wave, this time you hear the buildings around you groan.

It’s not just the building that’s set to blow… You realize with a sick feeling… it wasn’t that your mother didn’t think she’d lose… she just knew it wouldn’t matter either way. When this detonates, you don’t know if it’s an asset or multiple or what… but the blast will be devastating. If it’s even fractionally as powerful as it feels Odessa will be in the bottom of a crater in the coming minutes… All those innocent people…

Bucky’s approaching you, to drag you to the van. Tony hovers close by, you look to him as you start to back up, “Remember that promise, Tony?”

“Yeah…”

“Time to cash in.” Bucky is almost to you and you shoot a light shock toward him to slow him down before you bolt back to the main building.

“Y/N!”/“Goddamnit!” You hear Tony and Bucky exclaim simultaneously. There are the sounds of a scuffle.

“Tell me what’s happening Sparky!” Tony grunts, the sound of metal on metal ringing in your com.

“It’s bad, the blast, the energy, real bad. I can stop it just get him!” You look over and see Bucky in hot pursuit before Tony grabs him.

You don’t look back again. You can’t. Despite hearing Bucky call out over and over.

Unable to stand it you rip the com out of your ear, crushing it in your hand. Even without it, even with the rumble of the earth, you can make out the fight. Should have told them to go, get away… But you can keep them safe. You will keep them safe.

At the face of the building, you take a deep breath and jump, releasing a blast from your palms to propel you up. This wasn’t something you did often, and sometimes it didn’t work but right now you have no choice, you’ve got to get to the roof. From there you can channel the energy through the building pull it up, focus it into something concentrated rather than an uncontrollable destructive blast. It will be unlike anything you had ever done but… you had to try.

It gets you about halfway. You grab a window ledge with both hands, using everything you have you push yourself up, releasing your grip and letting out more energy. Another wave of force almost causes you to lose your grip on the edge of the roof but you hang on and get there.

Kneeling at the edge you place your hands flat on the concrete, much as you had that day you thought of killing Bucky in the field you send your sense out to find your target down, down, down using the metal supports of the building itself to guide you. There.

It feels like people, three of them, assets, just like you… all about to blow…

Looking out you can see them still. Bucky and Tony are struggling, the whisper of Bucky’s screams echoing through the abandoned buildings. Everyone else standing unsure of what to do. All these people you… love.

You focus with all your might to draw the power of the three hopeless souls into something you can control. As you do so your heart shatters in your chest because now you know you aren’t getting through this, not if you want to save them all… and you never fucking said it.

Not to any of them and not to the one person who really needed to hear it… You told him with your body, with your concern, in every subtle sweet way a person can but those three words… words you knew with all your being were true… you never let them fall from your lips… and now…

Your own power, coursing through the frame of the building, begins to act like a sort of intangible conduit as it harnesses that of the three assets. Strangely it’s easy, their force so undisciplined, seems almost happy to find a path to flow into. The building groans, smoke emitting from it here and there, windows blowing from the rising heat. White streaks of light are beginning to become visible, like concentrated lightning, running straight for you.

As this overload flows into your body it takes everything in you to not scream, the pain is so blinding. You don’t want them… him to hear that though. Raising your other arm to the pink early dawn sky you pray to anything that will hear you that this plan will work… that you’re strong enough to contain this force. Like some bizarre lightning rod, the power thrums through you crackling from your fingertips, your body glowing bright…

“Like a firefly,” you think.

“Straight up, straight down, not out, not out, contain this contain it.” You focus on those words, determined. The power is about to break, you can feel it. The light almost blotting out everything, taking away your view of them.

“I love you,” you whisper wishing he could hear.

Then there’s nothing but light, and pain, and surrender.

#bucky barnes #bucky #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier

136 notes · View notes

eightmakar · 6 years ago

Text

Rule Breaker | Four | S.M.

A Baseball!Shawn AU

Word Count: 6.4k

Warnings: a lot of date fluff, some cursing

Author’s Note: hi guys!!! thanks for all the wonderful feedback on this story!! i’m so happy you all love it so much! Previous parts in my masterlist! Tag list is open! Thank you @heavenly---holland for the moodboard and @the-claire-bitch-project for inspiration!

Shawn flopped down on Tessa’s bed. “Why won’t you show me around town?” he asked exasperatedly.

Tessa straddled Shawn’s thighs. He’d been in Brewster for two weeks and they hadn’t done much around town. She had been very reluctant to take him around town with her. It was a small town and she knew people talked, and she wanted to just enjoy being with Shawn. She didn’t want to worry about what the town thought of her.

Tessa kissed him lightly on the lips, then rolled off of him so she laid next to him. “I don’t want the town to talk. Trust me, they will. One time, I went out with one of my best friends from high school. There was never anything romantic there, but the whole town knew we went to a movie together. It was awful, Shawn.”

He pouted. “But I wanna see where you grew up! I want to see the town!”

Tessa sighed. “Maybe.”

“Where have you always wanted to go on a date, Tess?” He grabbed her hand.

Her cheeks flushed. “You’ll think I’m a nerd.”

Shawn looked at her. “Tessa. Where?”

She sighed again and gave in. “The Cape Cod Natural History Museum. They just built this new butterfly house.”

“Well, let’s go tomorrow, then,” Shawn said.

“Shawn--.”

“C’mon Tess! It’ll be fun! We’ve been doing this for what, two weeks now? I’m tired of being cooped up in here!” Shawn whined. “Pretty pleeeeeeeease Tessa?”

Tessa looked at him. “Shawn, you’re the biggest child I’ve ever met.”

He rolled on top of her, pressing his forehead against hers. “If I’m a good boy will you take me to get ice cream afterwards?”

She stared up into his eyes. “Maybe. I do love Kate’s.”

“So can we go? Please? I need to prove to my friends that you actually exist.”

Tessa flushed. “You told your friends about me?”

Shawn sat back on his heels and Tessa’s legs. “Well, yeah, of course I did.”

Tessa’s heart pounded. “I told my friends about you, too,” she said quietly.

Shawn smiled softly, then bit his lip in nervousness. “Tessa?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you.”

Tessa went cold. “You, uh, like me? I like you too, Shawn.”

“No, like,” Shawn said. He shuffled around, picking up Tessa’s hands in his and interlocking their fingers together. “I like you. Like, I like you so much, Tess. Like, I’ve never felt like this before.”

Tessa felt like she was going to burst. “I like you so much too, Shawn. You have no idea.”

He grinned. “Shit, really?”

“Shawn, I let you give me hickies before Whitecaps games. Of course I like you.”

He laughed. “Well, thank God for that. I’ve been freaking out trying to tell you for days.”

Tessa should’ve felt wonderful. She should’ve felt nice and warm and appreciated, but she just felt like she was going to throw up. She needed to tell Shawn something.

“Shawn, I’m a virgin,” she blurted out. “I mean, I’ve done stuff before, just not like, full-blown penetration sex.”

“And that changes this how?” Shawn asked.

“A lot of guys make a big deal out of it,” Tessa said quickly. “I just don’t want you to think less of me.”

“Why would I do that? It doesn’t matter to me. You’re you and that’s what’s important, okay?” Shawn leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss on her forehead.

She smiled. “That’s sappy as fuck, Mendes.”

“I don’t see you complaining about it,” he laughed. He kissed the tip of her nose, then her lips. “So can we please go out tomorrow? It’ll be fun! I promise if we see Kyle I’ll personally kick his ass,” he begged.

“Ugh,” Tessa sighed. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Bubs. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at noon, we can get lunch, go to the museum, and get ice cream. Sound good?”

The biggest, most adorable, childish grin spread across Shawn’s face. He grabbed her face and kissed all over it.

“You’re a big baby,” Tessa giggled.

“Yeah? ‘Big baby’ is what you decided to go with?” Shawn teased. He kissed her again for good measure, then pressed his forehead and nose against Tessa’s. “I can’t wait to see Brewster from your perspective.”

At noon sharp the next day, Tessa pulled up to the Miller’s house in her Subaru Outback. She had extra blankets in the back of her car; she’d planned a special surprise ending to her day with Shawn.

She got out of the car and started walking up towards the door, but it opened and Shawn waltzed out. He saw her, smiled, and waved before speeding up down the sidewalk to her.

Shawn swept her up in a big hug when he reached her. “I’m so excited!” he giggled as he squeezed her.

Tessa laughed. “I am too! But remember, I know everyone in this town, so don’t do anything dumb.”

“Me? Dumb? Preposterous,” Shawn said with a smirk. “I got you something.”

Tessa’s eyes brightened. “You did?”

Shawn blushed. “I borrowed Mrs. Miller’s car to go buy it,” he said. He handed her a small black box.

“Can you even legally drive in the United States?” Tessa asked, squinting at him suspiciously.

Shawn’s eyes went wide. “Fuck.”

Tessa laughed musically, then pulled the top off of the box. There was a small, rose gold butterfly on a delicate chain lying on a small cotton pillow. She smiled.

“You sounded so excited about the butterflies,” Shawn said softly.

“Shawn, it’s beautiful!” Tessa exclaimed. “Will you put it on for me?”

Shawn lit up. “You like it?”

“Of course I do!” She pulled it out of the box and handed it to Shawn. It looked even smaller in Shawn’s enormous hands. Tessa turned around and moved her hair to the side so Shawn could drape the necklace around her neck and connect the hook.

She turned back around and showed Shawn. He grinned. “It looks great on you!” he said happily.

“It’s beautiful! Thank you, Bubs,” Tessa said. She kissed his cheek. “You ready?”

“Let’s go,” he said, his grin widening. He hurried around to the driver’s side of the car, opening it for Tessa. She rolled her eyes, but smiled sweetly at him and climbed in the car. He hurried back around the car and hopped in the passenger’s seat.

“I figured we’d go to JT’s,” she said as she backed out of the Miller’s driveway. “It’s a seafood place, and since it’s a nice day, we can sit outside and enjoy the weather.”

Shawn smiled. “Sounds perfect to me.”

Tessa connected her phone to the auxiliary cord at a red light so she could play some music on the short drive to JT’s. She clicked “Shuffle” at the top of her iPhone and heard the familiar bassline and drumstick riff of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. She grinned and rolled the windows down as she began to sing.

Listen, baby

Ain't no mountain high

Ain't no valley low

Ain't no river wide enough, baby

Shawn came in on Tammi’s part, singing in a falsetto voice with Tessa.

If you need me, call me

No matter where you are

No matter how far (don't worry, baby)

Just call my name

I'll be there in a hurry

You don't have to worry

She stopped at another light and looked at Shawn. He looked perfect sitting in her passenger seat, arm hanging out the window, singing his heart out with her.

Cause baby there

Ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no valley low enough

Ain't no river wide enough

To keep me from getting to you, babe

He took over the next verse and Tessa dropped out. He had a gorgeous voice, and she just wanted to listen to him serenade her.

Remember the day

I set you free

I told you you could always count on me, darling

From that day on, I made a vow

I'll be there when you want me

Some way, somehow

Tessa came in again on the chorus.

Cause baby there

Ain't no mountain high enough

Ain't no valley low enough

Ain't no river wide enough

To keep me from getting to you, babe

Tessa pulled up to JT’s as the song ended. She laughed joyfully, so happy to have someone that would jam out in the car with her. She hopped out of the car and walked around to Shawn’s side to join him, smiling brightly.

“What’s got you all giddy, hmm?” Shawn asked as Tessa interlocked their fingers.

“Being with you,” she said. She looked up at him lovingly. Shawn smiled, leaned down, and kissed her lips chastely.

“That’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever told me,” he laughed.

“Get used to it, Bubs,” she laughed back. Tessa’s stomach growled, so they walked towards the door of JT’s.

“What’s good here?” Shawn asked as they walked towards the counter.

“You can’t come to the Cape and not get seafood,” she said matter-of-factly. “My favorite is the Fried Fish Sandwich.”

He craned his neck down to look at the menu. “Is the fish and chips good?”

“Yeah!” Tessa exclaimed. “That’s what Dad always gets.”

“Well, if it’s good enough for Coach Hale it’s good enough for me,” Shawn said with a soft smile.

Tessa rolled her eyes, then dragged Shawn up to the counter to order.

“Tessa!” the cashier, whose name tagged read “Michelle” said. “How are ya?”

“I’m great!” Tessa said cheerfully. “How about you?”

“Doing good!”

“How’s Jackson?” Tessa asked, letting go of Shawn’s hand and putting her arms on the table.

“He’s great! He grows way too fast, you know?” Michelle said. “And who’s this with you?”

“This is Shawn, he’s playing for us this summer.” Tessa motioned to Shawn.

“Hey,” he said, offering Michelle his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you.”

Michelle reached over the counter and shook his hand. “You too, Shawn. What can I get you guys?”

“The regular for me,” Tessa said, “and Dad’s regular for Shawn, please!”

Michelle put their order in and Tessa went to pay, but Shawn playfully bumped her with his hip.

“I got it, Tess,” he said, wallet in hand.

“Shawn,” she protested.

“Don’t even try, Tessa,” Shawn said, sticking his tongue out and handing his credit card to Michelle.

Tessa teasingly glared at him. “Fine. But I’m getting our ice cream later. And I have a surprise tonight.”

Shawn took his card back from Michelle and signed the receipt, smiling at her. “Thanks, Michelle,” he said, then turned to Tessa. “What kind of surprise?”

“That would ruin the surprise,” she sassed. “Let’s sit outside, yeah?”

“Sounds good to me,” Shawn said. He gently grabbed her hand again and the two of them wandered outside to find a table.

They sat down across from each other at their table. The wind lightly blew, sending Shawn’s dark curls rustling, the noontime sunlight turning his eyes bright green. Tessa took out her phone and took a picture of him as he rested his head in his hand on the table. God, he was gorgeous.

“You look like a painting right now,” she said softly.

Shawn turned his head to her. “You always look like a painting,” he countered.

“Why are you like this?” she asked, blushing. Whenever he complimented her, she felt like she was flying.

“I’m just telling the truth, Sunshine,” he said with a cheeky smile.

“‘Sunshine?’” she echoed.

“Yeah. You get Bubs, I get Sunshine.”

Tessa’s blush deepened. “That’s cute.”

“You’re cute,” he replied.

Tessa gave him a look. A sassy comment came to her mind, but their food arrived.

“Alright, the fish and chips?” the waiter asked.

“That’s me,” Shawn said, raising his hand a little bit. The guy put his food down in front of him.

“And the Fried Fish Sandwich with cheese and onion rings,” the waiter said. He went to place the food in front of Tessa, then paused. “Tessa?”

She looked up. Her ex-boyfriend, Brett, stood above her. Her body tensed. “Hi, Brett,” she responded tersely. “Didn’t realize you still worked here.”

“Yeah, in the summertime when I’m home,” he said. “How’ve you been?”

Shawn looked nervous. “Just fine, Brett. Just fine.”

Brett pressed his lips together. “Alright, well, if you need anything let me know.” Brett walked away.

Tessa jerked her thumb behind her. “My ex. He cheated on me. He went to college before I did, lied to everyone there and told them he was single. He guilted a bunch of girls into sleeping with him and shit. One of my friends heard about it and told me.”

“Tess, I’m--.”

“Don’t even worry about it, Bubs. He’s irrelevant.” Tessa smiled, then pulled off the top bun of her sandwich. She poured tartar sauce on it, then squished her bun back on. She picked it up and bit down, crunching into the fried fish.

Shawn pressed his lips together, then picked up a piece of his fried fish and dipped it in tartar sauce before taking a bit.

“Damn, this rivals actual British fish and chips,” he said, scarfing down the piece of the fish in his hand.

“Yep, it’s the best in the world,” Tessa said, smiling.

Shawn devoured the rest of his fish and chips silently and happily. He finished his food just before Tessa, which impressed her, because she ate fast, especially when it was JT’s. He sat and waited for her until she was done.

“Alright, I approved of JT’s,” Shawn said with a laugh.

“Good,” Tessa laughed back. They stood up, cleared their trash, and walked back to Tessa’s car.

Shawn went out of his way to open the driver’s side door for Tessa again, then jogged over to his door and clambered in.

They listened to the radio, Tessa softly humming to the songs. Shawn stared at her lovingly as she nodded her head to the beat of the song. She pretended not to see him looking at her. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see him gazing at her with a soft smile on his face.

She pulled into the museum, shaking with nervous excitement. Shawn leapt out of the car and sprinted over to her door, opening it for her with a flair of his hand.

“Shawn, you don’t have to do that,” Tessa said, rolling her eyes.

“Chivalry is not dead, Tessa,” he insisted.

“Alright, whatever you say, Bubs,” Tessa laughed. She took his hand and led him towards the ticket booth.

“Hi, two adults, please,” Shawn said, jumping in front of Tessa to pay for her ticket. He grinned at her and handed his credit card to the attendant.

Tessa let go of his hand to cross her arms and stare at him. “Why you gotta do that?”

He stuck his tongue out at her. “We’ve always hung out at your place, so I feel like I owe you,” he explained with a shrug.

Tessa squinted at him as he handed her ticket to her. “I suppose I’ll allow it.” She grabbed the ticket, then his hand again. They walked together into the museum, Tessa bouncing with excitement.

Shawn gazed at her as she dragged him through the museum, from exhibit to exhibit. He stared at her like he did in the car and she pretended not to notice. She jumped from sign to sign, breezing through the information. Shawn was just along for the ride, happy to just be with Tessa. He was so happy to see her enjoying herself, so happy to see her letting go.

The pair reached the Butterfly House. Tessa was shaking with excitement.

“We donated a bunch of money to help them build this,” she said as they entered. “I love butterflies, so they were really excited to hear they were doing this. Mom and Dad did it in my name.” She blushed.

“That’s so sweet of them!” he said with a soft smile. “I picked a good necklace then, didn’t I?”

Tessa smiled brightly. “You read my mind, Bubs.”

Shawn opened the door for her, then joined her in the Butterfly House. The butterflies flew freely in their house, and as soon as Shawn and Tessa walked in, they flocked to them, as they were the only two people in there. It smelled like flowers, like the two of them were out in a wildflower field the middle of the woods. The butterflies were so serene and calming; Tessa never wanted to leave, especially not since Shawn was with her.

It hadn’t been open long, but the last time Nate, Tessa’s brother, had been home, they’d gone together. Nate knew how much she loved butterflies, and he’d booked one of the feeding sessions for the two of them. They didn’t have many butterflies then, but the two of them had a blast.

Tessa felt a small pang of nostalgia hit her as she looked around. There were so many more butterflies this time, but they still reminded her of how much she missed her brother.

Shawn squeezed her hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Last time I was here was my brother, so I just miss him.”

“Oh,” Shawn said, surprised. “We can go if you want, I--.”

“Shawn,” you said. “We aren’t leaving, this is perfect. They’re happy memories. And this is just going to be another happy memory.”

Shawn smiled softly. “Good,” he whispered. He gently touched Tessa’s waist, staring at her lips. Tessa smiled back at him, her hands finding his shoulders. She dragged her hands down his arms, then gently gripped his sides, tugging him into her. Shawn pressed his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes.

“You’re so beautiful, Tessa,” he whispered.

“Look who’s talking, handsome,” she whispered back. “Is that the only thing you like about me?”

“Oh, God, no,” Shawn said. “I could go on for days.”

“We’ve got time,” Tessa said. She wanted to hear what else he liked about her.

“Well,” Shawn began, “you’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. It’s incredible, the way your brain works. God, every time you speak it’s like, like, you know so much more than me but you somehow can relate everything back in ways I understand. I have no idea how you do it, but God, it’s amazing.”

Tessa’s face grew hot. No one ever said things like that to her in a romantic sense. She was blown away by Shawn’s openness, but her heart was full of all the things he was telling her.

“You’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met,” Shawn continued. “I’ve never met anyone so caring or kind to everyone. Except Kyle, of course.”

Tessa laughed. “I mean, the only person who could love him is his mom.”

Shawn threw his head back and laughed so hard tears came to his eyes. “Wow, Tess.”

“Shhh,” she hushed him, putting her finger over his lips. “You’ll disturb the butterflies.”

“If you wanna shut me up, you’ll have to use something better than your finger,” he teased.

Tessa stood up on her tiptoes and kissed Shawn sweetly. “Better?” she asked.

“Better,” Shawn replied, leaning down and kissing her again. He smiled against her lips.

A butterfly suddenly hit them both. Tessa pulled away, laughing, as several of the butterflies fluttered towards them. Tessa spun around to look at them.

One flew towards Tessa and landed in her hair. She turned to Shawn.

“I’m a magnet!” she giggled.

Shawn pulled out his phone to take a picture of her. She continued to giggle as the butterflies sailed around her. She held out one hand, and the butterfly on her head fluttered down to her hand.

Another butterfly landed on the tip of her nose. Tessa squealed in delight. Shawn snapped more pictures, smiling at her. “You’re a magnet, Tess.”

He continued to stare at her, watching her relish in the freedom and joy of the butterflies. He kept taking her picture, wanting to capture this moment forever.

“Tessa,” he said. He put his phone back in his pocket.

She turned, her face hurting from smiling so much. Shawn grabbed her gently by the hips, pulling her closer. He smiled down at her.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” he whispered. “Please?”

Tessa wanted to cry. She went cold again, her hands shaking. “Of course,” she whispered back.

Shawn grinned, then wrapped his arms around Tessa, picked her up, and spun her around. She giggled again. He put her down and they stared at each other.

“What other tattoos do you have, Shawn?” Tessa finally asked.

“Well,” he began, “you’ll tease me for this, but I have the number “8” on my finger. My birthday is August 8th, so it’s my lucky number. It’s why I’m number 8 in baseball.”

“Oh my god,” Tessa laughed.

“I also have an elephant on my other middle finger,” he said, showing her. “My mom has a matching one. She loves elephants.”

“What about the guitar? What’s the story behind that?”

“So for a while, I wanted to be a musician. I taught myself how to play guitar, and I still do like to play, on occasion. I found a really great, um, stress reliever, I guess I’d call it, in music. I found the base for it on Pinterest, but it’s a guitar in the shape of trees,” he pointed, “and then the end bit there is the skyline of Toronto. The middle part is the sound wave of my parents and my sister saying ‘I love you.’ It’s super personal and sentimental.”

“That’s beautiful,” Tessa said, tracing the tips of her fingers over it. “Which one did you get first?”

“The guitar,” he answered immediately. “I’m also the most proud of that one. I put a lot of thought into it. I like my tattoos to be super meaningful. I think they’re such a great way to express what’s important to you, you know?”

“Yeah,” Tessa said softly. “I know.”

“Would you ever get one?”

“A tattoo?”

“Yeah!”

“Hmm,” Tessa thought. “Maybe. Maybe I’ll get a butterfly.”

Shawn laughed. “Let’s get matching butterflies.”

“Bet,” Tessa said. “Let’s do it right now.”

“Whoa,” Shawn paused, eyes wide. “I, um, we haven’t, um--.”

“Don’t worry,” Tessa laughed. “I’m kidding. Maybe one day, but not today. Definitely not today.”

“Oh, thank God,” Shawn breathed. “I thought I was going to come up with some bullshit excuse as to why we couldn’t go get a tattoo right now.”

Tessa laughed. “I think my brother would kill me if I got a matching tattoo with a guy I just met. He’s been begging me to get matching ones since I turned eighteen.”

“What does he want you to get?”

“Something dumb, I don’t know. Like, a baseball I think? Or like, our parents’ initials or something. I can’t really remember, he changed it so often.”

“What, you wouldn’t get a baseball tattoo?” Shawn teased.

“Definitely not,” Tessa laughed. “Not a straight up baseball, but maybe something Whitecaps related, since I’ve grown up with them.”

“That’s cute,” Shawn said. “I really want more.”

“I want at least one,” Tessa said. “Like my kids initials, when I have them. I think that’s super cute.”

“I didn’t even think of that!” Shawn said. “I could dedicate my whole left arm to my kids’ initials and birthdays.”

“What’s the one body part you wouldn’t get tattooed?” Tessa asked with a smirk.

Shawn’s eyes went wide, then he looked down at his crotch. Tessa burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she had to hold onto Shawn so she didn’t fall over.

An older couple came into the Butterfly House while Tessa was still clinging to Shawn. They gave her a funny look as she cackled at Shawn.

“God, what’s wrong with you?” Shawn laughed. “We gotta get you outta here before those old people think you’re having a stroke or something.”

Tessa kept laughing. “You . . . just looked . . .” she got out before another fit of laughter overtook her.

“Alright, let’s go,” Shawn said. He picked her up easily, holding her bridal-style and walking out of the Butterfly House.

Tessa finally caught her breath. “That’s the best thing that happened all day,” she gasped, wiping tears from her eyes as Shawn let her down.

“Tess, I literally asked you to be my girlfriend.” Shawn was a little hurt.

“Yeah,” Tessa said. “But that was the most I’ve laughed in a long time.” Shawn pouted, so Tessa added, “C’mon, Bubs, I’ll get you something from the gift shop.”

Shawn immediately perked up, like he was a child. Tessa giggled again. “I hope they have a Grow-A-Dinosaur,” Shawn said in a child’s voice.

“Alright, you big baby,” Tessa said, grabbing his hand. “Whatever you want.”

Shawn grinned, then practically dragged Tessa into the gift shop. He wandered around slowly, Tessa in tow. She found exactly what she was looking for as they passed the jewelry.

“You should get this, Bubs!” she said excitedly. She reached for a woven bracelet with a green, ceramic butterfly in the middle of it. “Then we’ll match.”

“Lemme see it, Sunshine,” he said, holding out his hand. Tessa placed the bracelet in his hand and he held it up to examine it. “I love it. Get it.”

“You’re letting me buy it?” Tessa teased, gaping wide as she took the bracelet from Shawn.

“Only because you said you’d get me something,” he warned. “Don’t let this go to your head, Bubs.”

Tessa smiled, then purchased the bracelet for Shawn. He immediately put it on, smiling at the way it looked on his wrist.

“It’s wonderful,” he whispered. He looked at Tessa, leaned in, and kissed her sweetly. “Thanks, Sunshine.”

“Anytime, Bubs.” They walked towards the door hand in hand

“Ice cream?” he asked hopefully, opening and holding the door for Tessa.

“Ice cream,” Tessa agreed. They walked back to her car together. Tessa dramatically opened the passenger’s side door for Shawn.

“Goddammit,” he whispered softly. “You got me.”

Tessa smirked. “Gotcha.”

She walked around to her side of the car, climbed in, and cranked the car. They held hands while she drove to Kate’s, enjoying the sea air and the warmth of the sun.

Shawn looked at her about halfway there. “Tessa?”

“Mmmhmm?”

“Do you like sports medicine?”

Tessa looked ahead of her. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I guess. I picked it because it would get me the closest to the diamond for the rest of my life.”

“Why not coach?”

Tessa laughed. “Bubs, you have no idea what I’d do to be a baseball coach.”

“Then why not do it?”

“Shawn, I’m a girl. I think both the majors and minors would fall to pieces.”

“So? There’s a female coach in the NFL now.”

“That’s the NFL. This is baseball.”

“You basically coach the Whitecaps,” Shawn pointed out.

“Yeah, I do, I guess.”

“How about this: What would be your absolute dream job?”

“General manager for an MLB team.”

“So there you go,” Shawn said. “Do that.”

“Maybe, Shawn,” Tessa said. “Maybe.”

They sat in comfortable silence until Tessa pulled into Kate’s. They climbed out of the car and quickly got their ice cream.

“You know where my favorite seat is?” Tessa asked.

“Where?” Shawn replied.

“The back of my car.”

He smiled, then followed her back to the car. She opened the hatchback, revealing the myriad of pillows and blankets piled in. She handed Shawn her ice cream so she could crawl in, then held Shawn’s so he could join her.

“Comfy,” Shawn said, scooting close to Tessa.

“This is part of my surprise,” Tessa said shyly.

“Really?”

“There’s a drive-in movie tonight,” she confessed. She spooned some ice cream into her mouth.

“Oh shit,” Shawn said. “That’s one of my dream dates!”

Tessa smiled. “Today’s just been the day of dream dates.”

Shawn laid his head on Tessa’s shoulder. “Thanks for showing me around, Tess,” he said softly.

She kissed the top of his head, then put her head against his. “Thanks for putting up with me,” she replied just as softly.

“Whatcha mean by that, Sunshine?”

“I’ve never dated one of my dad’s players,” she started, “so I’m not sure how this is supposed to go. I’m afraid I’ll be the talk of the town, that people will say I’ve finally broken down with this whole dating thing. That’s why I just wanted to stay in my house and enjoy just being us together.”

“We can just be us anywhere, Tess,” Shawn said. “It doesn’t matter where we are and it’s not anyone else’s business besides ours.”

Tessa sighed. “I wish I’d met you years ago, Shawn Mendes.”

“Right back atcha, Tessa Hale.”

Tessa pulled up to the window at the drive-in. It was just beginning to get dark, so the movie wasn’t going to start for another hour or so.

“Tessa!” the clerk greeted her.

“Hey Daniel!” she chirped. “It’s just the two of us in here.”

“That’ll be eighteen dollars,” Daniel replied. Tessa handed him a twenty dollar bill and Daniel handed her two ones back. “You know where to go. Enjoy the show!”

“Thanks!” Tessa pulled forward and drove to the third row of cars, pulling to the next row. She turned the radio to the correct channel, then turned the car off completely. She got out of the car and wandered to the hatchback, lifting it open.

“Are the snacks worth it?” Shawn asked, craning his neck to look at the snack stand in the back of the grassy area the theater was situated in.

“Absolutely,” she said. “They’re cheap and fantastic. I recommend the tater tots.”

“I’ll be back then!” Shawn called, then walked away.

Tessa clambered into the back of her car to rearrange the pillows and blankets. She knew Shawn’s legs would stick out of the hatchback, but they’d be very comfortable laying against the back seats of her car.

Shawn came back about ten minutes later, holding a drink tray with two sodas and two cups of tater tots in one hand and two foil-wrapped circles in the other.

“Burger?” he asked, offering Tessa one.

“God, yes,” she said. She clambered to the door and took a burger. “What drinks did you get?”

“Coke for you and Powerade for me,” he said, handing her the tray so he could climb in the car. He had to lay down with his legs sticking out just to be able to fit, while Tessa could sit cross-legged.

“Coach would be so proud,” Tessa teased. “I, however, need caffeine.”

He grinned as he grabbed his Powerade and Tessa grabbed her Coke. They ate together, laughing and talking.

“I forgot to ask,” Shawn said when they finished. “What movie is showing?”

“It’s 80’s night,” Tessa said, swallowing a sip of her Coke. “Tonight is Dirty Dancing.”

“Never seen it,” Shawn said with a shrug.

Tessa gaped at him. “Seriously?”

Shawn raised his free arm, the one he wasn’t propping his head up with. “Guilty.”

“God, you’re lucky you’re cute,” Tessa said, shaking her head.

“What?” Shawn said defensively. “I’m about to watch it, am I not?”

Tessa squinted at him. “Fair point.”

“Attention customers: The movie will be starting in fifteen minutes. Concessions will close in ten. Please ensure your cars are ready with lights off.”

“Popcorn?” Shawn asked.

“I’ll get it!” Tessa said. She jumped out of the car as Shawn groaned.

“It’s not fair that you always buy our food!” he whined.

Tessa put her hands on her hips. “That’s a lie,” she said. “But it was my date idea so I’m paying. Next time is on you, mkay?”

“I guess,” Shawn sighed dramatically.

Tessa rolled her eyes, then walked up to the concessions stand. She bought the biggest bowl of popcorn she could, then walked back to her car and Shawn.

“Hold this, Bubs,” she said, handing the popcorn to Shawn. He held it so she could climb in the car.

Tessa curled up next to Shawn as the movie started, enjoying his calming presence and his body heat. He wrapped an arm around her protectively. He gently traced shapes on the strip of skin between her shirt and her jeans that revealed itself as her shirt rode up a little.

Shawn made sassy comments to Tessa throughout the movie.

“Why are they grinding like that? That’s not really fun for the guys.”

“What kind of parents name their kid ‘Baby?’”

“Do her parents just not realize she’s gone?”

“What--”

“Shawn,” Tessa finally said. “Please. Shut up and watch the movie.”

He grinned. “I just wanted your attention.”

“You’re that needy?” Tessa asked, looking up at him and kissing his jaw.

“Yep. I can’t help it.” Shawn batted his eyelashes innocently.

Tessa rolled her eyes. “Okay, big baby. If you stop talking, I’ll play with your hair the rest of the movie. Deal?”

Shawn smiled brightly. “Deal.”

Shawn laid in Tessa’s lap for the rest of the movie while Tessa lightly ran her fingers through his brunette curls. They were soft and beautiful, and Tessa could’ve stayed there the rest of the night just playing with Shawn’s hair.

The movie ended far too soon. Shawn had to clamber out of the car first just to provide Tessa with enough room to crawl out. Her feet hit the gravel and she stretched, causing her shirt to ride up again.

Shawn poked her stomach just above her belly button. “I approve of Dirty Dancing,” he said, walking around to the passenger’s side door of Tessa’s car.

“You actually shut up enough to understand what happened?” Tessa asked, shutting the hatchback, then walking to the driver’s side door.

Shawn scrunched his face at Tessa, then ducked into the car. Tessa hopped in and cranked her car, the familiar sound and feeling of the engine turning over comforting her to no ends. She put the car in “Drive” and grabbed Shawn’s hand.

Shawn plugged his phone up to Tessa’s speaker while they waited in line to get out of the theater. “What do you like to listen to?” he asked.

“I like everything. Except country music. If you play country music in this car, I’ll gut you and make you walk home,” Tessa threatened.

Shawn’s eyes went wide. “No country. Got it. You like Queen?”

Tessa snorted. “Do I like Queen? What kind of question is that? Everyone likes Queen!”

“I’ve met people who don’t like Queen,” he said as he selected “Radio Gaga” to play.

“Then you should immediately disconnect from them and never speak to them ever again. You can’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Queen,” Tessa said with a shrug.

Shawn laughed. “Anyone else you don’t trust?”

“Um, frat boys in khaki shorts and polos, sorority girls who wear wedges to football games, people who don’t let their dogs sleep on their beds, um, people who don’t like ranch dressing, hmm, people who don’t use their turn signals.”

Shawn laughed, gazing at Tessa. “You’re a mess.”

“I am, but I’m your mess now, Shawn.”

“How was your date yesterday?” Benjamin asked Tessa at warm-ups before the Whitecaps game against the Hyannis Harborhawks. He stood next to her as Sonny took batting practice. Benjamin was next, and Tessa was in her normal spot on the back of the cage.

Tessa blushed. “It was great. We had a really good time. Made it official, too, but we don’t need Kyle knowing that.”

“I’ve got it covered. Where’d y’all go? I want some good places to take Claire when she’s here.” Benjamin lifted his bat up in both hands, leaning back to stretch his shoulders with it.

“Shoulders sore?” she asked.

“A little, yeah,” he answered.

“Here,” Tessa said, hopping down. She took his bat and tossed it on the ground. She grabbed his arm and pulled it back, gently stretching his shoulder out. “Shawn and I went to the drive-in last night. If you’re looking for a great date, that’s definitely where you should take Claire.”

“You’re my hero,” he said. “She’s always wanted to go to a drive-in. I’ve got my truck here, too. Do they allow trucks?”

Tessa switched his arms. “Yep, but you have to park in the back so you don’t block the screen.”

“We can do that,” he agreed. “They sell concessions?”

“The best around. Shoulders feel better?” Tessa let go of his arm slowly.

He twisted his back to crack it, then swung his arms around. “Yeah, they do. You’re a miracle worker, Tessa.”

“It’s my job,” she said with a smile and a shrug.

Benjamin picked up his bat and took Sonny’s place in the batting cage. A group of guys came in from the infield, including Shawn and Kyle.

“Hey, Tessa,” Shawn called as he went towards the dugout.

“Mmhmm?” She looked over at him.

“I think I tweaked my wrist, can you check it out?” he asked.

“What’d you do?” she asked, walking over to grab her backpack of medical supplies.

“Um,” Shawn paused sheepishly, “I, uh, tried to barehand a ball and it was too fast. It just, uh, knocked my wrist back.”

Tessa rolled her eyes, but still told him, “Alright, c’mere.”

“Thanks,” Shawn said, shuffling over to her.

“Sit,” she commanded.

“Yes ma’am,” Shawn said. Tessa rolled her eyes again.

“So, right hand?” she asked.

“Yep, it just bent back when the ball hit me and it hurts like a bitch.”

Tessa took his wrist in her hands. She felt the bone, trying to make sure it wasn’t broken. He didn’t mention a pop, but she wanted to make sure it wasn’t just in case. She gently massaged the muscles, causing Shawn to wince.

“I think it’s just a sprain,” she said. “This is why you have a glove, Mendes. Catch the ball in the glove and you won’t hurt yourself.”

Tessa reached in her bag and pulled out her pre-wrap and athletic tape. She positioned his arm out straight, then wrapped it with her teal pre-wrap. It was a basic circular wrap, just to stabilize his wrist without restricting it too much. She wrapped the pre-wrap in a circular motion with the tape.

“That feel okay?” Tessa asked Shawn.

He moved his wrist around, flinching a little at the motion. “Yeah, not too tight,” he replied. “Still hurts, though.”

“I can’t make the pain go away, sorry, Bubs,” she said softly. She ruffled his hair. “You’re good to go, you’ve got batting practice next.”

“Thanks, Tess,” he said. He squeezed her forearm with his newly-taped hand.

“No problem,” she smiled. “Remember that foot thing I told you about, and straighten up your stance, okay?”

“Got it, Coach,” Shawn said louder. He stood up, grabbed his helmet, and walked over to take his batting practice before the next game.

What are y’all excited to see in the upcoming chapters? What is your favorite thing about Tessa? Give me some feedback!

Tags:

@spiderboytotherescue@elentiya02@musiclover1263@illuminateshawn@flickershawn @hollandbaby@hollandroos @smallerinfinities@harryandmolly @parkerpuffwrites@keepingupwiththeparkers @tomhollandeu@dtftomholland@checkthisoutmaybeifyouwanna @shawnm521@ilovejackavery @littlemissbaksi @accalialionheart @ashwarren32@onmyshawn@sippingchai@wanderingmendes @sbawnmendes @accioarmenian@sayingloveat2am @mendesmusical @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy @mutuallynotmutual @goldenhemmings@rrbries62 @marvelousmendess @thotgomery @brokenuntilapril26th2019 @upsidedownstrangerthings @daisychains4 @feliciaceciliamariajacobsson @hufflepuffshawn

#rule breaker #shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes story #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine

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starryandersen · 6 years ago

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#22, JT/Tyson (Sorry I know you've already written a couple of them but I love them so much)

22) what’s in it for me?

Tyson thought he had long gotten rid of Drew, but, as it turns out, he is way fucking wrong. He’s out with the team when he spots that stupidly sharp jawline and those pretty brown eyes from across the bar. What the fuck is he doing in Colorado?

He’s chatting some stunning guy with pretty lips and a slim waist who is way out of Tyson’s league and way in Drew’s. Tyson frowns, making sure to hide his face in his beer the next time Drew glances away from the guy.

They’d dated briefly back when Tyson was still playing in the BCHL, and Drew had broken his heart all because Tyson was too “twinky” for his liking. Since then, he’d bulked up, no longer the twink that Drew had last seen, but he’s still pathetically single. An idea begins to form in the back of his brain as he watches his ex carefully, making sure busy himself with the conversation that Nate is having with Colin and JT right now. Tyson interrupts the moment there’s a lull in the conversation, startling Nate a bit.

“Hey guys, where’s Gabe?” He asks casually, eyes drifting back to glare at the way Drew is leaning closely into the guy he’s talking to. That guy is just as twinky as Tyson had been, nothing against the guy. He isn’t even jealous, Drew had ruined his self esteem for months after the breakup with that comment, it was his first real heartbreak. He’s still a little bitter, especially since he’s now intruding on the place Tyson has made into his home.

“Think he took T-Bear home, why?” Colin answers, turning those sympathetic puppy eyes on him, and Tyson groans, running his hands through his hair.

“My ex is here, I needed Gabe to pretend to date me because he’s out of my league and my ex’s.” He laments, burying his face into his arms and already plotting his escape out the window in the bathroom. A hand lands on the back of his neck, and Tyson guesses it’s probably JT.

“Why don’t you ask someone else? What about Barbs?” Nate’s voice is suggesting, when he lifts his head from the table. Tyson shakes his head, because Sven has already claimed his permanent seat on Barbs’ arm for the rest of the night, as Colin points out. “Why not JT, here?” It’s like angels sing to him from the ceiling as he looks over at JT, wildly hopeful.

“Please? Pretty please because you love your best friend?” Tyson asks, hands clasped in front of his face. JT raises an eyebrow, sliding an arm along the back of the booth.

“I dunno, what’s in it for me?” He presses, a teasing grin evident on his face. Tyson huffs, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll do your hockey laundry for a week.” He offers, and JT shrugs, caving far too easily to have been serious. Tyson sighs, collapsing into his side.

“You’ve got yourself a fake boyfriend.”

Tyson gets a few drinks in him before he inevitably drags JT towards the bar, under the guise of buying another round, but really he just wants a chance to “accidentally” bump into Drew. Luckily, he doesn’t have to look too hard, when Drew approaches him, his target from earlier nowhere to be seen.

“Tyson Jost, is it really you? How’ve you been?” Drew greets, his words lazy, as a hand lands on his arm. Tyson fists a handful of JT’s shirt, as if to tell him to help.

“What are you doing in Denver, Andrew?” Tyson asks, blunt, trying not to show how much he’s internally freaking out right now. Drew shrugs, leaning against the bar, looking aggravatingly handsome. He eyes JT, who’s been standing over Tyson’s shoulder the whole time, hand curled over his hip.

“Just visiting. Colorado is beautiful. I was kind of hoping I’d run into you, catch up, but it looks like you’ve got a new beau.” Drew says wistfully and examines his nails, and Tyson knows he’s bothered. He turns it up a notch, pulling JT’s arm over his shoulders, settling back against his side. “Care to introduce us?” Tyson can hear the thinness in Drew’s voice.

“This is my boyfriend, JT. JT, this is Andrew, my ex.” Tyson gives a short introduction, and JT nods, frowning disapprovingly at Drew and tightening his grip on Tyson. He is great at this acting thing.

“Please, my friends call me Drew.” He tells him, voice clipped, and JT merely makes a noise of acknowledgement. Drew takes a long sip of his drink and tilts his head up a little. “I’ve gotta say, you aren’t someone I’d expect Tyson to be dating. How long have you two been together?” Tyson opens his mouth to answer, but JT beats him to the punch.

“Eight months. What’s that supposed to mean?” JT says, keeping his tone bored, and staring Drew down. Tyson has a bad feeling about where this is going.

“Oh, you know. You’re so,” Drew waves his hand at JT, drinking up the sight of him. “Big and handsome. You’re really, really hot.” He explains, and, okay, ouch. Tyson frowns, looking back up at JT briefly. When he looks back, his jaw is set and his eyes are cold. He looks legitimately intimidating.

“And? So is Tyson.” JT defends, stepping in front of Tyson and keeping a hand back and on his forearm. “I think this conversation is over.” Drew shrugs, looking a little red.

“Nice to meet you, JT.” He all but purrs, in last attempt, but JT just drags Tyson back to the team’s tables near the back of the bar. Tyson is pink and flushed, again hurt by Drew’s comments but oddly warmed by JT’s response. He just kind of wants to go home.

“Fuck that guy, he’s a dick. Why did you ever date him?” JT spits, when he pulls Tyson aside to a private corner before they reach the tables. He’s holding his hands tightly and dropping his forehead against Tyson’s. “He’s crazy, you’re way out of my league, if anything.” Tyson blushes even darker, shaking his head as best as he can without pushing JT away.

“That isn’t true, but fuck, I really wanna kiss you right now.” Tyson says, with little prelude, unable to bite his tongue due to the alcohol running through his veins. JT is nodding encouragingly, pulling him closer by the belt loops, and Tyson closes his eyes and goes for it.

#jt/tyson #jt/josty #anon #prompt #hi this isnt great im sorry #i tried i rlly did!#my work #also dont apologize i love writing these 2!

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baekhvuns · 3 years ago

Note

Someone with a massive brain made that connection suhshdjsshhssh also I had a dream about LSH a few days ago I think I forgot to tell you...

I got another gift for you: https://twitter.com/avgcatboyliker/status/1519866600626835456?t=wFtFUzcKG-NTEZ57lBmDfA&s=19 - their Hwa art destroys me every single time 💀

https://twitter.com/avgcatboyliker/status/1496253345308286977?t=7VG47ZhkPR2KttxKTiLNDA&s=19 - I'm sorry I can't be normal about it 😳😳😳

I knoooow except for work I had to meet some lawyers a few times and 🥴 well bestie, there are people who definitely deserve jail, so maybe you'll actually do the right thing hggshahahsgsagfa

Making money on YT is soooo hard and it was near impossible years ago, also producing quality content when you're busy/don't have the energy is annoying, I was a part of a group and we made videos together. Now there's this podcast, so I make appearances from time to time.

Me and Hongjoong are soulmates when it comes to photography, hahahha, I have a collection of different cameras. <3

SNAKE??? ALIVE??? Yeah Aussies are fucking crazy, so maybe I shouldn't be shocked.

To be fair since 2019 my life has been on hold, even before the pandemic started so hopefully it will kick off again soon, because your girl is miserable 😭💔😪

JT is not the worst though, in my home country they play embarrassing and annoying local songs and I wanna die. People have fun, but I'm a hater, I can't help it.

Seriously cyclist in Amsterdam are crazy motherfuckers, almost got run over 3 times... I know cycling is good etc etc, I used to like it as a kid, but somehow I developed hatred towards them. Not to mention those fucking electric scooters 🔫🔫🔫🔫 I was a fan of the OG ones but they're a plague now, people don't know how to ride them and they just leave them everywhere for no reason?! Wtf bitch, get up! https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/electric-scooter-lying-pavement-gdynia-electric-scooter-lying-pavement-201163798.jpg

Gonna continue in another message cause I'm not on the app and for some reason my long ask doesn't wanna send 😡 - DV 💖

HELLOBDBD

Someone with a massive brain made that connection suhshdjsshhssh also I had a dream about LSH a few days ago I think I forgot to tell you...

NO FR IM BLOWN AWAY 😭😭😭 oh pls do 👁👄🤲🏼

I got another gift for you: https://twitter.com/avgcatboyliker/status/1519866600626835456?t=wFtFUzcKG-NTEZ57lBmDfA&s=19 - their Hwa art destroys me every single time 💀

i wish, i wish u saw me iNHALE

https://twitter.com/avgcatboyliker/status/1496253345308286977?t=7VG47ZhkPR2KttxKTiLNDA&s=19 - I'm sorry I can't be normal about it 😳😳😳

….

I knoooow except for work I had to meet some lawyers a few times and 🥴 well bestie, there are people who definitely deserve jail, so maybe you'll actually do the right thing hggshahahsgsagfa

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 i bet u were frustrated with them too bc god damn,,, also some law students r so entitled and for what ????? 😭😭😭 atp the only good thing abt saying u did law is saying u went to law school </3

YEAH?? ahh like it’s extra money bc u gotta buy the equipment and produce content with softwares that cost money perhaps? OOOOOOOO omg that is so cool, podcasting sounds really cool if ur not the one editing it for hours 😭😭😭😭 BUT THATS SO COOL what is the podcast abt? just regular stuff or like themed content,, ik a few authors here have podcasts and they’re truly so fun to listen <33

Me and Hongjoong are soulmates when it comes to photography, hahahha, I have a collection of different cameras. <3

AAAAAAA pls recruit me in ur duo,,, i will stand there with my canon and olympus,,, OKAY I HAVE A QUESTION so i was going to invest in a film camera for the summer,,, and since u have a collection i presume u might also have film ones?? i was wondering which one is actually worth it, as in lasts longer or has a better? kodak or fuji? 35mm or is 50mm better?

SNAKE??? ALIVE??? Yeah Aussies are fucking crazy, so maybe I shouldn't be shocked.

GEKWHDKW I MEANT SNAILS, LIKE HE WOULD JUST PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH AND THEN GET YELLED AT 😭😭😭 aussie’s r INSANE

To be fair since 2019 my life has been on hold, even before the pandemic started so hopefully it will kick off again soon, because your girl is miserable 😭💔😪

omg i hope u go to many places after it’s over !!!! omg u should come here !!! don’t go toronto there’s nOTHING there 🔫

JT is not the worst though, in my home country they play embarrassing and annoying local songs and I wanna die. People have fun, but I'm a hater, I can't help it.

BDWNBDWKDJWK UR THE YN WE GOT IT BESTIE DBDB

BRNWHDKWHDKWJDK RAN OVER BY SCOOTERS they hit ankles so bad 😭😭😭😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO STOP FBFBFB also,,,

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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thelibraryatgatsbys · 3 years ago

Text

Here we have a story that I started recently.

I'm probably not going to finish it. It's called Sonic Boom, and I don't know why I started it, it never really made me happy to write.

(also, since it's unedited, it has "elephants" in it to mark where I wanted to change something/wanted to summarize something and come back to go into detail later)

Elephant: make it so the aliens wanted to kind of keep their visit on the down low, so they could just come, have fun, and not arouse a government after them.

Soleil checked her compass again, making sure she was still headed due east. The valley outside of town was overgrown, filled with tumbled over, half rotted logs from the old building projects long since abandoned. It held a charm in the daylight, but it was just spooky at night, in the mist.

She had been to this place often, but in foggy conditions a compass never hurt anyone. She clambered up onto one of the logs, plotting her path up the steep incline, before beginning. Sometimes she had to jump from log to log, sometimes scramble up wet dirt and leaves, and sometimes edge along creaking branches until the top of the hill came into view.

It could almost be counted as a cliff, but not quite.

Sitting in the pine needles at the edge, she looked into the valley below her, where the usual Saturday crowd gathered around the big tree.

Every kid, 10 through 20 knew about this place. It was miraculous this place was safe for ten year olds, most teen hangouts weren't, but there was something about this place that kept people kind. People looked out for each other in here.

She trotted down the hill towards the huge oak tree with a campfire a few feet from the base, repositioning her backpack. The clearing was fenced with thick blackberry and pieces of discarded wood and plastic from town. A few picnic tables and benches littered the clearing, with two fire pits. The oak tree held half a dozen treehouses, two of which had roofs and could act like houses in a pinch.

She waved to one of the kids at the fire, who saved back.

"Hey, Sully!" The kid said.

"What's up Vinny?"

"Not much is up with me, but Ed needs to see you. He told me to tell you when I saw you."

She frowned. When Ed wanted you, there was normally something wrong.

"Well, I'll see you round, then, Vinny. Take care."

Vinny saluted, grinning.

Into the many tree houses, she climbed towards the one at the top, the most elaborate one, the common haunt of her good friend Edward, the scientist.

He kept track of it all. If there was something you needed to know, from cryptozoology to history to aesthetics to Mario Kart strategies, he knew it. And he had a good bit of it recorded in his diaries. What a weirdo. She loved him.

Inside, she found him staring intently out his telescope.

"What's up, Eddie?"

He looked up, nervous.

"Well, come see for yourself."

She shrugged, stealing around piles of books.

Looking in the telescope, she didn't immediately see something wrong but then it caught her eye. A bright green spot in the center of Orion's belt.

"What does it mean?" She asked?

"Well, it doesn't mean iminent doom, don't worry, but... I can't say I know exactly what it is."

"So like...."

"It's not an asteroid or something that's going to strike the earth. It's getting closer to us, but it's slowing down at a rate that if it hit Earth at all, it wouldn't hurt us."

"Well that's good. Do you have any theories?"

"Well, yeah, but it's kinda dumb."

She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.

"No it isn't. You figured this out before any of the nasa people did, your idea about what it is isn't dumb."

Ed rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well, it kinda seems like.. A ship."

"Like, aliens?"

"Yeah. I think that thing is aliens."

"That is so, so cool. You think they're coming here?"

"Well they're on a direct tragectory course for earth. Probably."

(ELEPHANT: this story is gonna be tough cuz it's the 'independant kids doing their own thing but with their parents' support 2000s era w/ whole computer labs and stuff outta bedrooms. Y'know, the stuff you never did cuz you were busy being feral in the woods. It'll take some effort to make this feel natural)

"Alright, so we might meet aliens in a while. How long till they get here?"

"This is the first night I've observed them, so I'll have to take some more calculations. But, given the rate of size increase based on tonight's observations alone, I'd say... Maybe a week."

Soleil smiled, pushing the hair out of her face.

"A week. Gonna maybe meet aliens in a week. That is so cool, Ed. You're so cool."

"Uhh, well, th-thank you! You're cool too!"

Two days later, Soleil got a call from Ed smack dab in the middle of telephone hour. She was on the phone with Darby, who was

discussing the dance from last week, the nerd con coming up, some new kittens, etc. She was expecting a call from Rin in a couple minutes, and was working on a mutual coding project over a chat

room on some server on her computer when the line in the dining room rang. Nobody ever called the dining room phone unless it was important, and nobody ever answered the dining room phone buy

her. Darby was wrapping up anyway, so she said a giggly goodbye and hung up, heading curiously to the dining room.

On the other end, Ed's voice was excited.

"We were right! We were right, it's allens!"

"Yo, that's amazing! How can you tell?"

"W-well, they talked to me."

She stared at the roof, dumbfounded.

"Well," He continued, "not to me specifically, but to the people of earth. And since I'm the only one listening, I heard jt! They said they came in peace."

"Pfft well I should hope so. Do they have a mission or something?"

"That's why I'm calling you. They wanna know stuff about earth.

They're landing to observe earth for a while. We're video calling tonight, and I wanted you to be there. Come to my house at 7:45, there'll be a few other kids there, but not many. Some trusted fellow

scientists. Will you come?"

"Oh yeahl I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'll wear some nice clothes."

"Thanks Sully, I can't wait to see you there."

The call ended, and she did a little happy dance. Aliens. Real aliens.

And a nerd party. She didn't know which one was better.

That evening, she walked through the suburb towards the DeLorean house in a light blue skirt with puffy sleeves and jeans with flowers emproidered on them.

A few of the nerds were standing out in the yard, with capri suns, discussing nerd things.

Ed opened the door when she knocked, ushering her in with a smile.

"Thanks again for coming, Sully, this is going to be great."

"You know it."

They hung out for about half an hour until 7:40 rolled around, when they and the assembly of kid scientists moved to Ed's room.

He turned on the TV, messing with the large computer and keyboard beside it, until the screen buzzed to life.

They waited in an eager silence for the clock to strike 7:45.

Suddenly, the fuzz on the screen cleared, showing the insides of a ship.

The aliens were adorable. They looked mammalian, and their body looked like a cross between a meercat and a swan, with a smart head sitting atop am elegantly curved neck. Their bodies long but compact, with two pairs of both arms and legs, with tufts of dull orange fur over the elbows, knees, knuckle, chest, ears, and a tuft on the tail. They had no nose other than two slits, and their eyes were big, red, trusting and inquisitive. (ELEPHANT: LOOK OVER THE DESCRIPTION OF THE ALIEI wasNS BETTER, MAYBE REWORK IT)

"Greetings, human, we meet face to face at last." The one facing them directly said, his voice like helium. He sounded as though he were very excited, but was trying to hide it to be professional.

"Greetings, my friend. My name is Edward DeLorian, and these are my friends/colleagues."

"I am Hilarion, and these are my classmates. We have been sent from our home planet for our first unchaperoned school trip, and we request permission to visit Earth."

"Are you sure Earth is the safest place to visit?"

"Indeed. Extensive tests on our world's show that there is nothing there capable of harming us."

Soleil muttered, "wow," under her breath, before Edward continued."

"I don't know if I can give you permission, I'm not in charge."

"Well it's your planet, right? According to our laws, any lawful citizen of the planet that has not committed major criminal activity and harbors no ill will against the chancellor may give an alien permission to land. Is that the way it is there?"

The humans muttered to each other, trying to decide how to answer. Finally, Soleil spoke.

"Since it's rare we get alien visitors, we don't have a real rule about how they should land. But the way you have described things leads me to believe it would be perfectly fine for you to land here. Is there an adult that you can contact and vouch for you if something does go wrong?"

"Indeed, we can contact any of our parents at any time."

"Excellent. I'll allow mr. Edward to continue discussing from here."

Ed mouthed "thank you" to Sully before continuing.

"A-ah yes, you'll need a place to land, right?"

"Yes. We'd like to meet you, so we request permission to land near your current location."

"Granted. There is a large abandoned field that should be big enough."

"Hmm, ok, we're locked onto your location now and... Alright, yes, I see the field you mean. That will work splendidly. At our current rate of acceleration, we will arrive in five earth days roughly."

"Ok, that sounds just fine. Is there anything we can assist you with?"

"At this moment, no. I must thank you, Edward and company, for being so helpful with this. We look forward to meeting you soon."

The scientists smiled and nodded, remaining professional until the call ended, when they all screamed in excitement.

A similar thing happened aboard the spaceship. As soon as the call ended, the fluffy creatures lept from their seats, buzzing around the room, making excited, happy chittering noises.

Hilarion and his littermate, Gi, danced around each other.

They were going to meet real live humans in five days.

"How was your day, sweetie?" Soleil's mom asked as she set a plate of mashed potatoes on the table.

Sully scooped up an eye raising amount of mashed potatoes, with a bit of chicken and steamed vegetables to go with it.

"It was good. Like I said yesterday, we talked to Aliens, and they're coming earth to learn stuff. As long as it's ok, the scientists and I are going to camp out behind the baseball park for the next four to five days so we can make sure we welcome them to earth. Is it ok if I do that?"

"Of course, kiddo, you pack a mean punch, I bet you'll be fine."

Her mother whirled, giving her father "the look."

Dad looked up from his book.

"What I mean she does."

" What your father means is yes, you may. As long as you are with other people that we've met and there's a phone somewhere around, you can stay out in the field."

"Aww, thanks mama! Hey, would you two like to come with us?"

Her mother looked at her, considering.

"Out in... The brush. For several days. To see... Aliens."

"Well, maybe you could just tag along with me the night they show up. That way you don't have to spend so much time outdoors."

Her mother nodded, looking at her father, who smiled and nodded as well.

"We'll be there, kiddo." Her dad said.

The next day, Soleil stood, hands in pockets, in front of a brownstone house in the city. She was in need of the services of the occupant's son. This was the Rodger household, where the ever mysterious Rabbit lived. Rabbit, who's read name was probably Chad but never told anyone, was a 17 year old working from home, in the possession of a truck, which Soleil hoped to aquire the services of.

It was always hot in the city, so she took her hands out of her pockets. She wore a neon yellow tank top with an elephant on it, and some cargo shorts, and was still too hot. She put up with a flannel around her waist, since it would be cold that evening. The summer light filtered in from between the buildings and trees, in a beautiful way that only summer could manage.

Inside, she heard someone stomping down the stairs, and the door opened.

And again, there was about no way his real name wasn't Chad. Baggy pants, orange t-shirt over a white long sleeved shirt, perfect, bleached blond hair, and the most amazing sunglasses ever. Something straight out of star trek.

"W'sah little dude?"

"Quite a bit, actually, but it's somewhat confidential. Are you still offering taxi services?"

"'course."

"How much would it be to privately taxi say, a dozen ner- erh, scientists to and from the suburb for four days?"

"'bout a hundred bucks, I guess. Them lil scientists planning a mad scientist con someplace?"

"That'd be fun. We should do that someday, but for now, until you're on board with the project, I can't spill a word."

Rabbit considered.

"Done. For a big project, I take 25% up front."

"Naturally."

She fished the money out of her flannel pocket, handing it over.

"Meet me in an hour at the DeLorean household. That's 1503 Duck Street."

"Sure thing, lil dude. The truck's got seating for 8, if we're trynna keep the law."

"Oh, certainly. "

On schedule, Rabbit turned up on the front steps an hour later, as the gaggle of 10-14 year olds with camping gear prepared to pile into the truck bed, which was converted into a miniature seating area that could hold 6 people with plenty of footspace. They decided to go six at a time, saving cab space for more camping gear.

Two trips, a long winded explanation of the project, and dozens of bad jokes later, Ed and one other scientist, a black haired girl named Daisy, were trying to make a fire at the chosen campground. The mobile lab was set up nicely behind them, and Soleil pulled a cooler out of the back of the truck, putting it beside the fire pit.

They were tucked in between a big oak tree and the tall net that kept stray baseballs in the ballpark next door, with town just barely visible. The grass in most of the field was tall and unkempt, but under the trees it was almost nonexistent.

Soleil watched them struggle with the fire for a couple of minutes, before offering assistance.

Rabbit walked over to the now burning fire, hands in pockets.

"So, dudes, you need any like... Adult supervision up in here? Cuz... I'm not busy, and this sounds super fun, so like. I. Could stay here if you want."

Soleil looked up, sly.

"How much?"

"Well I guess this time it can be free, I mean... Major scientist bivouacs can be exempt."

She glanced at Ed, who was smiling.

"Of course you can stay."

And so the group settled in for the night. Rabbit produced an electric guitar, realizing too late to save face that he couldn't use it without, well... *Electricity*.

(ELEPHANT: they agree on location and time, and then the humans recruit an older kid with a truck to drive them around and get stuff set up. Sully invites her parents, and they agree to come. Edward invites his parents, and they say they wish they could come, but there is s shallow spot in the fabric of reality and they need to be on guard against it. A scene where him and his dad have a small heart to heart about how his parents love him and respect his work, but need to work on other stuff. Good messages, y'know.

The night before the aliens arrive, the scientists, Sully, a few other kids, Sully's parents, and the truck boys, are in the field, and have a sleepover. The aliens *should* appear tomorrow night, but there's no perfect guarantee, so someone is guarding their little camp 24/7 for the next couple days.

But the aliens arrive right on schedule, at night on Saturday.

Last line is "what should we do first?")

#discarded writing #abandoned wip

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make-your-dayna · 5 years ago

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Not buying groceries for weeks and letting the kids feed themselves bread and jam twice a day cause they dont like how fast the kids finish the food....while eating out when going to work themselves

Not letting kids be kids and constantly complain about money even after they get a steady income every two weeks plus child support and childcare.

Not buying you new clothes because you keep growing out of them way 'too soon' and its using to much money.

Talk about hoow stressful and traumatic an event was and not acknowledging that you were with them when it happened. That it affected you too.

Bad mouthing the other parent when they arnt listening.

Causing siblings to not trust each other of petty discourse.

Telling the younger kids that if they talk to the older child they will get hit or the silent treatment because the older spoke back for once.

Yelling about kitting or hurting a kid when they do something bad. To the point were the kids come to the oldest kud instead of the parent because "i dont wanna get hit"

Not admitting blame. Deflecting jt and pinning it on someone else.

Says they forgot about a important thjng simply because that thing supports your argument instead of theirs.

Hates when you overtalk and scream at you about it.

Hit you.

Hitting you is abuse. Even if its a one time thing. Its abuse.

Taking away your phone when you say you gonna call child abuse services.

Having your siblings come crying cause the parent it yelling at them again.

Pitting the siblings against each other.

Having the kuds start showing bad coping habits too. Like undereating, nightmares, anger issues, trust issues.

Learning to lie because the parents are too nosy and rude.

Calling their children fat or overweight. Belittling them then saying its your fault they say it.

Having the eldest litterly sobbing in front of them, while they laugh with a horror stricken guest.

Calling people stupid and rude after being called out for the bad behaviors.

Things it is NOT OK for a parent to do

List them…

Reblog with your answer if you want me to share it.

#child abuse #neglect #food mention #parental control #parental mention #crying #anger #tw anger #family issues #divorce #tell me what fo tag

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cripplinganxietyflix · 7 years ago

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CAF’s Best of Streaming Recommendations for November 2017!

Netflix decided to not allow me to view my queue from any platform just as I decided to write this up, so any titles I’ve forgotten this time around, I’ll add to the next streaming list I make. Don’t fuck me on this, Netflix.

“What do you recommend that I can stream?” is a question I get pretty frequently, so I think I’m going to start doing a regular post every couple months featuring things I’ve seen on various streaming services and liked. In this list I’m going to focus on Netflix and Shudder. In future lists I’m going to strive for variety, but this one is going to have a lot of horror and indie... and indie horror!

Misunderstood (Incompresa), 2014 dir. Asia Argento

Where you can find it: Netflix US

I’ve hard a hardcore obsession for Argento’s 2004 film The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things since I saw it over a decade ago, and I’ve both recommended and defended that film to nearly everyone I know with an open mind. An absolutely batshit and disturbing ensemble piece based on the (fake) autobiography of the same name by JT LeRoy, The Heart is Deceitful features a pretty iconic lead performance by Argento as an abusive, white trash, drug addict mother, as well as appearances by Jeremy Renner, Marilyn Manson, Peter Fonda, Winona Ryder, Ben Foster, and Michael Pitt. Two pre-Disney Sprouse twins star opposite Argento as her traumatized son. It’s gritty and daring and shocking as hell. For a first effort, it’s a little sloppy and it does take some effort at disbelief suspension to buy Argento’s portrayal of an American through her Italian accent, but if you can get past that, it’s such a wild trip. Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but about child abuse.

Misunderstood is Argento’s first full-length directorial effort since The Heart is Deceitful, and she has seriously grown so much as a director between these two films.

This quirky and engaging film chronicles 9-year-old Aria, a girl growing up in Rome in 1984. Her parents are rich celebrities who are too self-obsessed to properly parent her, and Aria is often left up to her own devices. Charlotte Gainsbourg delivers a great performance as her absent rockstar mother- and speaks perfect Italian throughout much of the film. The film is loosely based on Argento’s own childhood; her real-life father is Dario, the disturbed visionary behind Italian horror classics like Suspiria, Inferno and Tenebre.

Misunderstood is a darkly memorizing film about girlhood. Argento possesses such an amazing skill for procuring absolutely stellar performances from the child actors in her films, and Giulia Salerno is fantastic as Aria. I hear people singing praises for the child actors in Stranger Things or the new It, and I laugh smugly comparing those performances to Salerno’s in Misunderstood. It’s such a compelling drama; a great foreign language film for people who have a tough time with subtitles. It totally blows Boyhood out of the water as a film about childhood.

The Eyes of My Mother, 2016 dir. Nicolas Pesce

Where you can find it: Netflix US

If you’re maybe looking for something like The Girl Next Door but classier, The Eyes of My Mother is a prisoner/torture film you can take to dinner at Dorsia.

Shot in beautiful black-and-white, this is a nice little serial killer making-of that is both grotesque and visually-pleasing. The story follows Francisca, a young girl whose mother, formerly an eye surgeon in Portugal, has fascinated her with vivisection and human anatomy. But this fascination has an unintended consequence when Francisca must cope with senseless tragedy.

This film has a deliberate pace and convincing performances that seem out-of-place among typical torture-horror. The photography is really lovely, and it confidently supports the bygone era setting that feels like 1950s rural America.

For such a small film, the writing and performances are impressive. Specifically, I thought the visiting serial killer was profoundly interesting for someone who only appears as a supporting character. I felt a real effort for this film to be respectable and taken seriously, and that isn’t something that I would generally say about other films that cover this topic and material. It’s in the same category as the likes of The Girl Next Door or Hostel and it is just leagues ahead of those films in quality.

If you like “Fucked Up but Upper Crust” films like Antichrist, Under the Skin or The Witch, this little horror-drama about extreme alienation will be a good fit for you.

Take Shelter, 2011 dir. Jeff Nichols

Where you can find it: Shudder

I finally got to watch this movie after maybe two or three years of waiting for an opportunity. It’s available on Shudder, which my household recently subscribed to. It’s $5/month (or $4/month if you buy a whole year at once) and has a yuuuge selection of horror movies that is extremely diverse- everything from Battle Royale to Cannibal Holocaust to Beyond the Black Rainbow. Even if you paid $10 for a couple months of it, any horror fan will easily find enough of their catalog to make the investment worth it. I SWEAR THIS IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BUT SHUDDER HMU IF YOU WANNA BE MY SUGAR DADDY

Where was I? Ah yes. Take Shelter is a great drama/psychological horror film that succeeds mainly on Michael Shannon’s jaw-dropping performance. He plays a man plagued by disturbing apocalyptic visions, and he isn’t sure if they’re true prophesies or emerging schizophrenia. It’s an excellent piece on mental illness in rural America. Michael Shannon is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors and I think this may be the best performance of his. I’ve heard Tarantino just finished his script for his Charles Manson movie, and if he doesn’t cast Robert Pattinson in the lead role (dude, just think about it), Michael Shannon is my second pick. The guy is just so genuine and talented.

I would have liked for the ending to go in a different direction, but I seem to be the only person I’ve talked to with this opinion so take that with a grain of salt.

Take Shelter has an interesting take on the weird convergence of prophetic conviction and mental illness. I would probably recommend it to fans of We Need to Talk About Kevin, Melancholia, or Jacob’s Ladder.

The Transfiguration, 2016 dir. Michael O’Shea

Where you can find it: Netflix US

I can’t believe how few people have seen this film! It’s sensational!

This is a vampire movie for people who love gritty indie shit like Gummo or White Girl. It follows a teenage boy who’s absolutely captivated by vampire lore, to a horrifying degree. He’s coping with the recent death of his mother when he meets an equally traumatized teenage outcast, Sophie, whom he drags into his bizarre fantasy world.

The Transfiguration goes places that horror hasn’t really been gutsy or diversified enough to go, with themes like child murder, 13 or 14-year-old kids dealing with fucked up shit, and inner city violence. Another deliberately paced film, the gritty and realistic tone makes the horror more realistic and shocking when it appears, in the same way that Drive lulls you into a sense of calm before assaulting you with car chases and Christina Hendricks’s fucking head getting blown the fuck off.

The ending is perfectly ambiguous for a film so tethered to reality. Whereas something like Take Shelter doesn’t leave you wondering whether Michael Shannon’s visions were real apocalyptic prophesies or schizophrenic delusions, The Transfiguration respects you enough to leave you hanging on the final shot.

This is a surprising film that left me a little damaged and disturbed for a few days. It goes to some very dark places, some that are so generally taboo for horror it’s like having a finger jammed into a wound you didn’t know you had. If the notion of a gritty independent film crossing over effectively into horror excites you, check this one out as soon as you can.

A Dark Song, 2016 dir. Liam Gavin

Where you can find it: Netflix US

This is a nice little surprise of a horror film that I haven’t seen get much attention. An aggrieved woman and an occultist shut themselves in a creepy house to perform a strict, months-long black ritual.

A Dark Song conjures up a balanced mixture of psychological horror, haunts and black magic. The two leads far exceed the horror standard and do an excellent job of maintaining the pace for an otherwise subtle and slow-burning film. A healthy amount of human drama between the characters paired with the strong performances makes you care a bit for both of them, which helps immensely to amplify the dread and horror when the movie gets scary. And, thankfully, it is fairly scary!

The only true weakness of this film is an ending that doesn’t quite live up to what my expectations were, but it’s not enough of a failing to subtract from the overall quality of the film. I know a few folks who are into ~~“THE OCCULT”~~ that liked this film quite a bit, and the atmosphere kind of reminds me of The Others, if The Others was a more serious and deliberate film. It’s a surprise in the same way that The Invitation was last year. Highly recommend for most horror fans.

Hell House LLC, 2015 dir. Stephen Cognetti

Where you can find it: Shudder

I mentioned this in my Creep 2 review, but I’m very open-minded toward found footage and I think it’s a much better genre than people give it credit for. I’ll make a list or video eventually talking about the ones I think are great, but today I want to recommend this relatively underrated found footage flick from 2015.

Hell House LLC is starts off with newsreel and cell phone footage documenting a Halloween haunted house tour that ended with the unexplained deaths of 15 people. What follows is the newly discovered footage shot by the tour organizers leading up to the mysterious disaster.

There are two things I’m looking for with found footage: why they have cameras, and why they continue to shoot when shit gets real. Hell House LLC nails both of these: they have the cameras to both document the set up and to manage the haunted house during operation. They continue to stay and film here because they have an understandable financial commitment keeping them there. Additionally, you get the feeling that these people are used to being around creepy stuff for a living and when you hear them expressing skepticism about the sp0ooo0o0oky things happening, their rationale for sticking around makes sense and is believable.

The movie is pretty scary! I watched it in the dark with headphones and definitely jumped, shouted, and whipped my headphones off in terror a couple times. It does a good job of using limited light and perspective to make you dread shadows and dark corners.

The film isn’t quite perfect, and suffers minorly from inexperienced actors, but it wasn’t enough to take me out of the movie. I really liked the concept and I hear a sequel is in production, so you might wanna get in on this. Recommend for fans of Grave Encounters or The Poughkeepsie Tapes.

#what to watch #horror #what to stream #shudder #netflix #netflix recommendations #what should i watch #misunderstood #asia argento #the eyes of my mother #take shelter #the transfiguration #a dark song #hell house llc #michael shannon #found footage #horror movies #horror movie recommendations

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kermesforever · 8 years ago

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THE WORLD IS INCREASINGLY AWFUL BUT THEY CAN’T STOP US SINGING ABOUT QUEER SHIT TOGETHER, NOT YET ANYWAY

today i can tell you that we’re going on tour in March to play you our scary new songs. here are the dates! some of them don’t have facebook events/ticket links yet but we’ll add them soon!

March 2017

1st - Her Upstairs, London - https://www.facebook.com/events/260242561091592/ (Acoustic show)

2nd - Dusk, York - https://www.facebook.com/events/1864751617077160/

3rd - Fuel, Manchester - https://www.facebook.com/events/105865359933488/

4th - Chunk, Leeds - https://www.facebook.com/events/785376451616879/

5th - 1 in 12 Club, Bradford - https://www.facebook.com/events/1753446501638571/

7th - Cookie, Leicester - https://www.facebook.com/events/789673257881444/

8th - Phoenix, Exeter - https://www.facebook.com/events/1743852189276126/

9th - Old England, Bristol - https://www.facebook.com/events/1846398898936679/

10th - JT Soar, Nottingham - https://www.facebook.com/events/174332916378251/

ALSO all shows except nottingham will be with excellent friends ME REX.

they just released a staggeringly good record called “stegosaurus” in december (http://merex.bandcamp.com) and we’re so excited to have them with us!

ALSO so yeah we’ve been sold out of shirts for a few months (sorry!) so we’ll be printing more before this all goes down, if yr that way inclined. still have plenty of tapes tho if you wanna buy nudge nudge. as ever we’ll be keeping it as cheap as is humanly possible #punkprice

ALSO i hope it goes without saying, but still, saying stuff is important - the world is getting more and more fucked by the hour. we want our shows to be a safe space for everyone to have fun and be accepted and feel good and free from being harassed and we WILL kick off on yr behalf if any bad shit goes down. i know we are just a lil baby nobody band but if there’s anything that doing this thing has taught me it’s that community and solidarity and mutual respect and empathy and uplifting each other and listening to the experiences of others is the key, the only, ONLY way any of us can deal with how FUCKED everything is. we’re here for you, no matter who you are, and we hope that you might be able to get something good out of what we do. we are actually kind of a shy bunch but we love nothing more than meeting and talking to folks at shows and stuff, being a part of local independent & DIY scenes is just so immensely important and rewarding and we HAVE to keep these moments alive and above all INCLUSIVE in the face of a soul-crushing neoliberal racist cishet patriarchal ableist society. deep breath. goddamn.

what i’m trying to say is, I LOVE YOU. see you out there.

emily x

#posters

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 6 years ago

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Truth [Part 3]

Master List

Request:

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But... a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: Smut (like a lot... so... just turn around now if you’re not of age or aren’t into that).

A/N: Please be gentle with me my darling readers and pumpkins. I want to be very confident about this whole smut writing thing but I’m new to it and just yeah, I hope you like it lol!

That being said my fucking GAAAAD it was fun to write. But, honestly, the morning after... that is my fave part.

I’m really excited to see what you all think of this one. Like I said in another post, this baby is just running away with me so if you like these two there’s a lot more coming.

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @peachthatdrinkslemonade @breezy1415 @wonderlandmind4 @handplucked @piensa-bonito @midnightdream83

You’re making out as the elevator doors slide open and the door to Bucky’s tower apartment swings in, ah Jarvis. Manhattan glitters through the floor to ceiling windows and only a couple of lamps are on leaving the room comfortably dim. It smells like him here, spicy and warm with notes of sandalwood and tee tree. It’s a good smell you think. He doesn’t put you down as you expect. Instead, he just turns and carries you to his room.

He lets you down onto the bed and you lean up on your elbows staring up at him. For a second you just take the other in. His chest is heaving a bit, hunger etched in every line of his face. Without taking his eyes off you his right-hand wanders to his belt and unbuckles it, undoing the button of his jeans, then the soft rasp of his zipper.

Are you breathing? You think you may have forgotten, distracted as you were, but when his hand stops the thought occurs that you should take one.

Filling your lungs you scoot forward, legs dangling over the edge of the bed, you run your hands down his sides to his waistband. As you work his jeans over his hips he gently runs metal fingers down your cheek to your lips, his thumb tracing the shape.

You place a kiss on his right hip bone and run the tip of your tongue down the v of his abdomen stopping just short and going to the other side to do the same. A shudder and soft sound comes from him, you feel him move just under your face and smirk.

“Tease,” he whispers as you look up to meet his eyes. He had no idea.

Your nails run the same path your tongue had and just before touching him change course to continue down his inner thighs. His jaw tightens, no doubt trying to maintain some kind of control.

Opening your mouth a touch you wet your index and middle fingers, even slipping them in a bit for good measure. When you run them, warm and moist up the underside of his cock, tracing the base of the head lightly with your middle finger, his breath becomes ragged and there’s the soft sounds of metal gears.

“Just enjoying myself,” you say smiling up at him.

With that you slowly take his head in your mouth, flicking your tongue from the base to the tip. The ragged sound that escapes him sends tingles through your whole body. His right-hand tangles in the hair at the back of your head but doesn’t force you down on to him, just sits there silently begging for more. You decide to give him what he wants, because fuck if you don’t want it too, want to hear the sounds he’ll make, taste him, feel him. You take all of him into your mouth, wrapping your right index, middle, and thumb around the base of his cock.

Something like, “Oh,” comes from him as you begin to work him, steadily, just a little suction. He growls a bit as he hits the back of the throat. Your left hand resting on his muscular thigh feels him tense after a few minutes.

“Stop,” he pants, though he still thrusts at you. You feel something like a smile work the muscles in your face despite the mouthful. His fingers tighten in your hair and pull your head back, the pull of his fingers more tantalizing than painful. “Woman, if you don’t stop this is going to be over much faster than either of us want.”

He runs his metal index finger under your bottom lip to remove some lingering moisture. When it rubs on the soft skin of your lips you’re surprised at how smooth it feels. Stepping back he kicks off his boots and slips out of his jeans leaving him deliciously bare.

You swallow hard. Even in the dim light, he’s immaculate. All dark hair, rippling muscles, and that fucking cock. Christ. You swallow hard keeping the small sound of pleasure that threatened to slip out contained. He seems to notice your admiration anyway and slowly moves back toward the bed.

Tilting your chin up to look at him, he smiles broadly before kissing you deep. He pushes you back against the bed and runs his hands down your torso causing you to shudder. Grasping your ample hips he holds them as he takes your nipple in his mouth.

This time you can’t swallow the sound. A small gasping moan bursts from you and your hips press against his hold. His eyes look up at you glinting before moving to the other eliciting much the same reaction from you. Kissing a trail down your body he stands and slips your feet free of your battered Converse and unbuttons your jeans. In one swift tug, they’re gone.

Bucky licks his bottom lip and smirks hands once again grabbing your hips he pulls you effortlessly to the edge of the bed as he kneels on the ground. His stubble scratches and tickles at your inner thighs and you sigh feeling goosebumps rise all over your body. But when he lowers his mouth to you, that’s electric.

As he sucks at your clit you cry out, loudly, so fucking thankful that these apartments are soundproof. Pleasure already curls tight in your belly begging to be set free. It had been far too long since someone had touched you like this. His tongue pulses against you and his right hand comes around sliding two fingers into you, ever so subtly stretching you open.

“Fuck!” Your back arches and you feel the tingles of energy snaking just under your skin. Don’t light anything on fire, Y/N, sober you whispers from the depths of your consciousness. He lifts his head and replaces the maddening feeling of his mouth with the gentle pressure of his thumb, rubbing around your clit. Panting you look at him, a coy smile on his face.

“I want you to come for me, Y/N,” he says, voice low and rumbling. This sets you alight, and your brows crease with worry, genuinely concerned about causing damage.

He notices, “Don’t worry about it. Stark can buy me a new comforter if need be. I wanna see you come.” He pauses, “Do you want to?” He asks and begins to lower back down.

“Yes,” you pant, “please, please.” You grab a hank of his hair as he takes you back into his mouth. Your hips grind, lifting of their own accord, and his fingers pump harder into you.

“Bucky, fuck, Bucky!” The orgasm tears through you. So different from your solo endeavors of late. This is white hot pleasure flooding your system as he keeps working you through it. You forgot it could feel this way. Your grip on him loosens and he stands from between your trembling thighs.

There’s a fascinated look on his face, “Beautiful.” You hold your arm up and look at the pinpoints of light winking in and out on your skin, barely visible tendrils of energy connecting the points. Honestly, you always thought it was garish, something that marked you as a freak. But… nothing was on fire and maybe it was beautiful.

His right hand is holding onto his cock, slowly stroking it, looking down at you. You scoot back to be fully on the bed, leaning up.

Keeping your eyes on his you open your legs, “You could take care of that yourself I guess.” You smirk, hand wandering between your legs, “But I think I have a much better idea.”

Lowering himself over you he rests on his forearms peering into your eyes, suddenly serious, “Are you sure?”

You reach up and bring his face to yours, crushing a kiss onto his lips, and growl out, “I want you to fuck me, Bucky Barnes, until I don’t remember who either of us are.”

He smolders for just a second, your words having the desired effect, and he thunders into you. You can’t help but cry out as he fills you, the ache so sweet, pressing yourself closer to him.

“Fuck,” he groans and kisses you, his tongue filling your mouth. Wrapping your legs around his hips you urge him faster. Sitting up he pulls your legs away spreading them wide. When he slams into you it’s almost too much. Even so, you press back against him, hard, wanting all of him.

Releasing your left leg his right-hand lowers to you. When his thumb strokes your clit you almost lose it. Your hands are balled into fists, holding onto the duvet for dear life. His pace quickens, thumb stroking you, when you look at him the expression of lust and satisfaction there is enough to tip you over the edge. He fucks you through it, making the aftershocks shake you almost as much as the orgasm itself had.

He leans back down, pace maddeningly slow, and presses a kiss just under your ear. When he lifts his mouth to your ear you gasp a little, the feeling of his breath and stubble making you shiver.

“How about you turn over for me, doll?” He growls into your ear. All you can manage is a nod, language a forgotten skill.

As you go to turn once he’s pulled out, he grabs you lifting and flipping you as if you weigh nothing. A laugh tumbles from you and quickly turns into sounds of pleasure as he kisses the space between your shoulder blades. Your ass lifts and you can feel him pressed against your lower back.

A sound of pleasure rumbles in his chest as he feels you squirm. Lifting off you his hands grab your ass before slapping both cheeks just enough to smart. You groan in pleasure and raise up on your knees.

“Mmm,” he hums caressing you. Without warning, he plunges into you once more. He fucks you until all you can think about is this, the feeling of him, the waves of pleasure. His hands reach around the front of you and lift you up so your back is pressed against his chest, his fingers catching and toying with your nipples.

“Kiss me,” he whispers. You turn and find his lips, greedily. His left-hand wraps gently around your throat, not threatening and you stay like that for a moment, not moving just connected, kissing ferociously.

He releases you and pushes you gently back down. Moving from behind you he coaxes you to your back once more. His face hovering above you he runs his hands up your arms and pins them above your head. This time he’s slow, gently entering you so you can feel every inch of him bit by bit.

“B… Bucky,” you softly moan. This makes a smile rise and his pace quicken just a touch. You meet his rhythm effortlessly in sync. When you push against his hands he presses them harder into the bed and you, surprisingly, love this feeling of giving control over to him.

“Y/N,” he grumbles before catching your mouth with his. He releases your arms and braces his forearms on either side of your head. You wrap your arms under his feeling the muscles of his back work as he fucks you slow, steady, deep.

Your back arches pressing against him, he quickens, you’re almost there again, “Please Buck,” his brows crease.

“Now,” he groans. Both of your bodies shudder in unison, and you hold on tight to him. He kisses you hard, pressing your head into the bed, body shaking.

When he stops and lifts his head his eyes are gleaming, much as you knew yours were, the intensity having brought tears to you both. You cup his face in your hands and just stare at him before kissing him again.

You spend a few minutes intertwined like that. Both shaking and just barely keeping it together. It feels like you’re the only two creatures in the world right now like there was never some dark past, just this.

He pulls away from another barrage of kisses and his thumbs stroke your forehead, “Thank you.” His voice is barely audible.

“Ditto,” you manage to eke out. This earns you a crooked smile and he reluctantly rolls off of you.

In his bathroom you don’t even turn the light on for a moment, just looking at the constellation of your skin in the mirror, sparkling and like a starry sky. He was right, it was beautiful. When you emerge he’s pulled the blankets down on his bed and leaned against the headboard still nude.

Suddenly you feel awkward, exposed despite what just went down. What now? His eyes slowly rise to meet your own and he smiles so big his nose crinkles. Cute.

“Would you like a shirt?” All you manage is a shrug, standing frozen in the middle of his room. His expression softens and he extends his right hand, “Come here, doll.”

Was this what you wanted? Did you want to stay? Even sober you, slowly more and more in control of the situation, is on the same page. You absolutely did want to stay.

Without a word, you crawl into the bed and Bucky wraps you in his arms, your head comfortably resting on his chest.

“Could… Could I maybe stay here? Just for tonight?” You ask, voice so unsure.

He tilts your head to look at him. “I wouldn’t have it another way darling.” He kisses you and you both slide down into the bed. A dreamless, contented sleep finding its way to the both of you quickly.

There’s a loud banging at the door. Who the fuck?! You roll over, committed to ignoring whoever thought you were going to get out of your bed for anything next to a national crisis.

“Buck!” You hear Steve bellow over the door com. Suddenly you are very awake. “Open the fucking door, man!” Shooting up you remember, last night, you’re in Bucky’s apartment and he’s dead asleep next to you, one ass cheek poking out from under the sheet. Damn, it was a great ass.

Fuck. Situation at hand. Focus.

“James fucking Barnes! I am going to tear this door down if you don’t open it!” Jarvis is being smugly silent you note. Traitor.

You pick up the pillow you slept on and smack Bucky with it, “Hey!”

Groaning he rolls over, looking up at you, voice groggy, “What?”

“I. Am. Not. Kidding. Bucky.” Steve yells.

“Fuck!” Bucky shoots up.

“Yeah, fuck.” You quip. He’s rummaging for underwear fumbling to get them on. It takes effort to suppress a laugh.

“You want him to know your here?” He hisses, a smirk on his lips despite the tone.

“Not particularly.”

“Then hush,” he smiles and leans into the bed kissing you before bolting out of the room, closing the door behind him.

You sit stunned for a second, pulling the sheet over your chest. What. Was. Happening.

He just kissed you. Sober you fully in control. And you didn’t hit him, zap him, or think of any way to maim him at all. This was fully Stark’s fault you decide. Him and his fucking special sauce. Ass.

Grabbing a pillow you hold it to your chest, trying not to focus on the conversation now taking place in the living room. It smells like him, your eyes close as you breathe deep. Nope. You pull yourself together and fling the offending object away from you.

Bucky (Barnes the stubborn part of your brain wants to still call him), and you couldn’t do this. It would be too much. Too much trauma between you. No. Unacceptable. Groaning you fall forward and face plant on the duvet, ass in the air. But… the sex was fucking phenomenal.

You’re so wrapped up in your thoughts you don’t hear Steve leave. When the door opens Bucky sees you, face in the bed, ass in the air and laughs.

“Is this an open invitation or…?”

“You wish,” you say, sitting back into a normal position. He shrugs and smirks in response. Really what you wished was that you could say you’d deny him another round. Because… yeah, even sober you couldn’t turn it down. “Disaster averted?” You ask as he sits on the bed next to you, running his hands through his hair.

“Disaster’s a little harsh don’t you think?”

Playfully you bat at his right arm. “You know what I mean.”

He flashes you a smile, “Yes, disaster was averted. You can rest easy, our cover of being bitter enemies is not yet blown.” You had rested easy, very easy, after last night you think.

You nod, “Jesus I need a shower.” You slide off the bed next to him and pick your discarded jeans up off the floor, slipping into them. His eyes burn into you as you do so. When you look back his expression is soft and… appreciative. Nope, you tell yourself again despite the tightening in your belly.

Your shirt… Fuck… your shirt and bra were still in the range. “Can I take you up on that shirt offer?” Mentally you plan to go there before your own apartment, hoping no one has felt the need to shoot anything yet today.

“Sure,” he says going to his dresser. Was that disappointment on his face? “Here,” he tosses a black v-neck to you. It’s a bit oversized and smells like him. Ugh.

The two of you stand awkwardly looking but not looking at the other. Finally, you break the silence.

“Thanks… for… uh… letting me stay,” you say looking up at him as you pull on a sneaker.

A half smile rises to his face and he runs his left hand through his hair, “I… I’m glad that… you wanted to…”

Suddenly, a laugh bubbles out of you, you can’t help it. It’s one of those laughs that overtakes you and you just can’t stop. You collapse onto the edge of the bed and he looks at you confused before he can’t help but join in. After a few minutes, you wipe at the tears in your eyes. It had been a long time since you laughed like that… years… decades maybe.

“What are we? A couple of fucking teenagers? Christ.” You pant out, giggles still coming. He’s closer to you now, beaming. “I feel like I’m about to sneak out the window and hope my mom doesn’t catch me coming home.”

He extends his right hand, “Oh god, please don’t tell me you’re about to shake my hand and say it was a pleasure or some shit.” A snorting laugh bursts from him and he shakes his head, you take his hand and he pulls you up.

Your bodies are close though not touching and he’s looking down at you. Unthinking you raise up on your toes and kiss him, not hard or lustful just soft. He cups your face in his hands holding you there. Both of you look into the eyes of the other not knowing at all what to say.

You sigh, “I’ve got to go.”

“Ok,” he kisses you once more and releases you. You nod and head for the front door. When your hand is on the knob you pause, hearing movement behind you. His hands are on your waist spinning you around. Pinning you to the door he kisses you, hard, passionately. You oblige, each of you wanting one last taste of this, regardless of if it was a good idea or not.

He pulls away, pressing a lingering kiss on your forehead. “I’m going to want my shirt back,” he says smirking.

“We’ll see, Barnes,” his last name said with a wink, “We’ll see.” Quickly pecking his cheek you push him away and head out the door.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky smut #smut #bucky imagine #bucky fic

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