#HOO BOY THIS ONE TOOK ME A MINUTE

[chacerider]

ultraman day, 2023

[nofingjustaninchident]

just a little drunk - hoo boys

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content: percy jackson, leo valdez, jason grace and frank zhang x drunk!reader, best friends to lovers

warnings: mortal!au, alcohol consumption, dirty jokes, weed consumption, probably cursing.

a/n: i just discovered that i have a massive problem with writing. i literally took half an hour (at least) to write EACH one of those. terrible. just terrible. but i swear im trying to write more, it’s just cause i don’t have much creativity to write 😭

⛧° 。 ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆༺♱༻⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ 。°⛧

now playing… party in the USA - miley cyrus

Percy Jackson

He was at the party. Of course he was at the party. Everyone says a party without Percy Jackson is not a party. But he was the DD of the night, so he was completely sober - which was a hard task for the party king.

That, until he saw you. On top of a table. Striping down- wait. Striping down?! Jesus Christ, he left you alone for five minutes- oh, you’re taking your shirt off.

Of course there’s a bunch of assholes standing there, telling you to keep going and screaming obscenities at you. But Percy didn’t have the time to be mad right now, he was too focused on you.

If he got there one second late, he and everyone else in that room would see the black lacy bra you was wearing, but thank goodness he got there before you did it.

“Alright, that’s enough for today, isn’t it, sweetheart?” He said, hugging you from behind and taking a very giggly you off the table. All the boys in the room started ‘booh’ing him, and he just flipped him the finger.

“Perce! I was having funnn!!” You complained, your words sloppy and smudgy as he basically dragged you back to his SUV. He just rolled his eyes and chuckled slightly.

“Y/n/n, you were about to strip in front of a lot of people. I’m sure you’d kill me tomorrow if i let that happen.” He said as he pushed you onto the car and pulled the seat down so you could lay against it.

“Hmm.. Yeah, i’d probably do that.” She said, the smile never leaving her face as she started mumbling random words.

He closed the door and walked towards the driver’s seat. He knew he couldn’t drive you back to his house now, since he had to wait for his friends, so he just turned the air conditioning on and pulled a blanket over you shoulders.

“Sleep for a little. I’ll take you to my home, hm? I’ll take care of you.” He said, taking the loose strands of hair off your face. You were just so pretty it was unbearable.

“Fine.. Thanks, Percy.” She said and drifted off to slumber.

After a few minutes of watching you sleep, he remembered that you’d hate to sleep with make up on, so he looked into the glove compartment and- aha! Of course you had left a few of your wet wipes there.

He started softly running the cloth against your face, cleaning it. When he was finally over, he kissed your nose slightly and smiled to himself, waiting for his friends so he could drive you home aswell.

Jason Grace

He was sleeping, as any normal person would at 2 am. But he was a light sleeper, and he woke up suddenly with his phone raining in his nightstand. He groaned and searched for both his glasses and the phone so he could see who was calling him so late in the night.

When he looked at the phone screen, he frowned in confusion. Why was Kayla calling him, out of nowhere? She usually didn’t call him, unless-

“Kayla?” He said as he picked up the phone, sitting in his bed and rubbing his eyes so he could try and forget the sleepiness that was threatening to win him over.

“Hey, Jason.. uh… i’m sorry for waking you up but, uh… i’m in a party with y/n-“ Y/n and parties? Never ever a good combination. “-And she doesn’t accept to go home unless it’s with you. She’s… drunk. Maybe high, too. Can you pick her up?”

Oh boy, he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to do that. “I’m on my way. Just… send me the address and i be there as soon as possible.”

“Fine- shut up, y/n! Stay here, no-“ And then the call was over.

My god, he thought, what’s she gotten herself into this time?

Kayla sent him the adress and he got into his car - a Lambo, gift from his absent father trying to make up for it - and got in the place the party was happening in less than ten minutes.

The first thing he noticed was the loud noise in the party. The second was you, laid down and making a snow angel in the grass. Funny sight.

“Y/n/n? My god, what in hell are you-“ He got cut off with you getting up and jumping on his arms, hugging him.

“Jase! I didn’t think you’d come!” You said, smiling brightly at your best friend. “Come on, let’s go to the party!”

You tried pulling his hand towards the house, but you weren’t already the strongest while sober, and drunk… e didn’t even flinch.

“No, honey, im taking you back to your house. You got enough drinking for today.” He said, pulling you by the waist towards him and placing you inside the car as you tried your hardest to get back to the party.

“As, come on! Buzzkill!” You whined, crossing your arms and pouting at him.

“Come on, i’ll buy you a slushee. What’d you think?” He asked. You immediately smiled. Drunk you was a very easily distracted person.

“Fine. But we’ll talk about that tomorrow.” He said, squeezing her shoulder softly as he drove towards the gas station.

“Whatever you say. Buzzkill.”

Leo Valdez

He was home watching a dumb tv show. He didn’t really bother with sleeping, since he knew his best friend was going to a party. And you plus party equals to a very drunk mess.

So when he finally got a call, he already knew it was you. It happens that he was right.

“Yes, cariño?” He asked, a smile plastered on his lips as soon as he heard your drunk giggles.

“Can you pick me up, fireboy?” You asked, your voice groggy and smudgy. But he knew it would probably be like that, so he was already expecting it.

“Course i can. Send me the address and i’m on my way.”

“Fine. Bye Valdeeezzzz..” You said before hanging up the phone with giggles and smiles.

He got where you were and you were being supported by one of your friends, who seemed pretty annoyed with the drunk version of you, all smiley and clingy to anyone around.

“Oh, thank god you’re here. I can’t stand her anymore.” Your friend said before basically dragging you towards the boy. “She’s all yours now.”

You were all smiles as you held Leo’s neck and pulled him close to you. “Leooooo! I missd’ ya!”

“Hey, cariño. You’re kinda drunk, aren’t you?” He asked before supporting your weight and taking you towards his car.

“What? Me? Nooo…” You said, giggling. You clearly smelled like pure alcohol.

“Sure you aren’t. Get in there, i’m taking you home.” He said, opening the passanger’s seat for you and placing you inside.

He put on your seat belt and kissed you forehead before walking towards the driver’s seat.

When he got inside the car, you were almost completely dozed off in sleep, trying your hardest to stay awake. He chuckled and turned the air conditioning on so you could rest more comfortably.

“Sleep, y/n/n. I’ll call you when we get home.” He said, the smile never leaving his lips.

Franz Zhang

He’s dead worried that you haven’t gotten home yet. Of course he didn’t knew where you were, cause you didn’t tell him.

Come on, you knew that, if you did tell him, he’d try to stop you.

So why bother?

You were having fun. A really, really good time. That was until your best friend came by with a weird cocktail, which was nothing more than a mix of different types of alcohol and syrup. Really fun.

And that’s when you got drunk and wobbly and you just had to call Frank. Common drunk mistake, isn’t it?

He picked up on the third ring.

“Y/n? My god, are you okay?” He asked, his voice laced with concern. He was so worried about you, cause you weren’t home and you didn’t pick up the phone and just called him out of the blue.

“Frankie!” You said and he could hear the smile in your voice. His concern only grew once he realized you were drunk.

“Y/n, where are you? I’m going to pick you up.” He said, already getting up with the car and house keys in his hand.

“I’m at Louis’ house! We’re having a birthday party!” You said, giggling and smiling brightly at absolutely nothing.

“Fine, i’ll… i’ll be there in ten. Just… don’t do anything stupid, and wait for me, outside the house. Don’t drink anything else and please, for the heavens sake, don’t do drugs.” He pleaded.

“I’m not- Frankie! I’m not on drugs. Please.” You said in a fake annoyed tone and giggled again. He rolled his eyes and sighed, driving towards where you were.

When he got there, he immediately saw you on the backyard, playing probably Pokémon Go and yelling when you finally found a pokémon. He smiled at the sight, and then remembered why he was there.

He walked towards you. When you finally saw him, you smiled widely and jumped in his direction, trying to hug his neck. Which wasn’t easy, as he was a little taller than you.

“Hey.” He said as he leaned down so you could hug him properly.

“Heyyy!!! I missed you!” You said, voice muffled by his shoulder. “Can you take me home? Please? I’m tired.” You said smiling cheekily.

“No.” He said, simply. “I’m taking you to my house today, kay? There’s some of your stuff there, and i can borrow you a shirt so you can sleep. But i’m not leaving you alone in this state.”

“Yay! Sleepover!” You cheered excitedly.

He couldn’t deny that the drunk version of you was very cute.

a/n pt2: did you see what i did there? i cut almost all of them in the middle. two reasons: one, for this not be too big and second i have inspiration to write more. lmk if u want a part 2 of those!!

[heartshapedbubble]

Ello can I request a Norton Fools good x fem reader where she came across the blown up mines and sees Norton (in his hunter form) she’s scared at first but starts to recognise him and slowly starts to approach him reaching her hand up to cub his cheeks ( bro this man needs all the love! )

HOO BOY i agree tho... his release made me regain my interest in norton🫡🫡

[not to be a scum but i'm still open for sanrio emma comms btw😭😭]

fool's gold: imagine...⛏️

cut for length!

paying the bills has become a hellish cycle. break your back to pay off the expenses, relax for the following twenty-ish days, and be sent into frenzy again, not knowing if you're going to have a roof over your head tomorrow or not.

you found yourself hopelessly skimming through newspaper, looking for any job offer possible that would easen up the burden on your wallet. The paper was plastered with offers from bars, post offices and restaurants, but those were a always gamble. will you get your wage or not? and if you will, when? too much effort for something so high-risk.

at last, a small offer in the corner of the page caught your attention. pressed in miniscule letters, it said: MINE RESEARCH. EMPLOYEES URGENTLY NEEDED. EQUIPMENT PROVIDED. underneath the text, an attractive number: $15,000 payed off immediately after the job is done.

not only could this solve the rent for the following 3 months, you'd also have some money left for yourself! you rang the number the second you got home and successfully scored the job, due to the urgency of the situation.

it took you a day or two to start thinking about the job. what do you exactly need to know for mine research? probably at least some physical strength and stamina, you thought. surely it can't be too complex.

you arrived at the mine right on time, the sun slowly slipping back into the horizon to let the moon take center stage. to your dismay, you realized no one else applied for the job. maybe this wasn't a good idea after all? crawling through the narrow, rocky terrain all alone doesn't sound like the ideal scenario. no living being in sight, and 20 minutes have already went by.

still, that money is way too good to pass up. you picked up one of the yellow helmets piled up at the entrance, prayed to whatever god out there that your flashlight has enough power to last the following 2 hours and mindlessly rushed into the collapsing mine.

for the following 10 minutes, your sight unfocused while your mind took the lead, in front of and all around you just rocks and grime, shadows dispelled by the flashlight held by your hip like a lance. only after a good 5 minutes of running did you realize that you, in fact, have no idea what you're supposed to do. what qualifies as mine research? mining, inspecting the ores, measuring the surface?

all sweaty and breathless, the tunnel led you to a large room inside of the mine, the roof extending towards what seemed like a pitch black abyss. carts messily thrown around, bumpy and unpolished geodes laying all over the place, when was the last time a living being stepped foot into this mine? it made sense that such a large sum of money was needed to attract volunteers.

you carefully moved through the rubble, trying to avoid stepping onto pickaxes and shrapnel splayed all over the ground. since you forgot about the gloves your bare hand now held onto the unpromising terrain, the other firmly squeezing the only source of light in this limbo.

the surface grazing your hand now seems like it became... smoother? no longer does it cut and pierce your palms. it's bumpy, but at least you're not risking an infection anymore.

moving inch by inch in fear of falling, the stone below changes its form. you don't even pay attention to the fact that you're now grabbing onto cloth and that, below your palm, a steady pulse is faintly beating.

it's already too late when you realize that you're not alone, and the stone below you starts to take shape and morph until it extends towards the ceiling, now towering over you, slouched like a ragdoll.

complementing the cold shades of grey, a face emerges from the shadows. pale, with defined cheekbones, although malnourished. only his bust passes as human, as below his collarbones there's nothing but a mosaic of pebbles and boulders forming his torso, arms and legs. it - or he, perhaps - is breathing with struggle, coughs interrupting his wheezes here and there.

you feel a sense of dread overcoming you. you freeze on the spot, but he doesn't budge, either. lifeless except for the fact he's breathing and his heart ticks like a machine.

you draw back a step, and he lunges forward, seemingly still not used to this monstrous body of his. he could harm me with ease if he wanted to, a thought suddenly manifests in your mind, and with newfound bravery you inspect the cryptid like a sculpture. your hand grazes over his bumpy and unfinished hands, tugs at the remains of his clothes around his chest. he groans, in annoyance, you assume, but doesn't resist. you climb up a cart to reach his face, your fingers pinch his stubborn hairstrands, inspect the cavity in which his other eye once laid. in a moment of either stupidity or courage you roughly pinch his cheeks - they're cold to the touch, but it's funny how naturally does his intimidating face mush like a little boy's. kind of cute. after a minute of cooing to yourself two of his rocky fingers gently pinch your wrists and put them back to your sides, but his one foggy eye doesn't divert its gaze from yours.

perhaps the flashlight can last an hour more.. you've just began getting to know him, and the mystery of the mine and his origin still lay cold for you to discover.

[the-laughing-lunatic]

Scout x reader who's never been to a baseball game before (ROMANTIC)

(I was bored and wrote this, I actually have been to multiple baseball games before but my ass still doesn't know anything about it. Reader's gender neutral as always. Trying to get better at writing oneshots so have this ig :/ Word count: ~1400)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

It was strangely calm that day, it was one of the occasional days off that the mercs had. You sat on your bed, reading through some random magazine you’d picked up here or there when your boyfriend Scout barged in. “Hey doll!”

You continued flicking through the pages of the magazine, not flinching. You’d gotten used to this after a year of knowing him and two months of dating him. The door might as well not have existed at this point. “Yes?”

“Wanna go to the game today? With me?” he said, flashing you two tickets in his hand.

“What kinda game?” You looked up.

“Only the best game to be created,” he said with a smirk. “Baseball.”

You shrugged. “Sure, I don’t have anything else to do—” you barely got out before you were tackled with a hug by Scout, your magazine falling somewhere on the bed as you were wrapped up in his arms. “Jesus, you’re that excited, huh?”

He only chuckled and kissed your cheek. “Hell yeah I am! I get to have my two favorite things, baseball and you, dollface.” 

You roll your eyes and give him a kiss on the cheek back, relaxing into his arms for a moment as you soak up his warmth. “...wait, am I below baseball?”

“Uhh…”

ੈ♡˳

“Bye Engie! Thanks for the ride!” Scout yelled out as Engineer drove away in his pickup truck, leaving the two of you to the sea of people waiting to get in despite the insufferable heat. 

“Geez, are there normally this many people at these things?” you said as you held onto Scout’s hand to not lose him as you walked to the back of the line for the ticket booth.

“What, ya never been to a baseball game before?” he said with a laugh. It was a rhetorical question from his perspective, but not for you. 

“No.” Scout’s jaw dropped. 

“W- whaddya mean you’ve never been to a baseball game before, w- why? How?” In his mind, baseball was the most amazing game in the world, and it was simply a crime that the most amazing person in the world had never seen it.

You shrugged. “Just never did.” Scout was full of feelings about this. On one hand, you were his dollface and it hurt that you had been deprived of one of the greatest pleasures life could offer. On the other hand, he got to be the guy to introduce you to your first baseball game, which had the same significance as a first kiss. In his mind at least.

“D’ya at least know the game? Like, how it works?”

You thought for a moment before saying: “Um, you hit balls and run a lot?”

Hoo boy. Scout sighed. “I mean- you ain’t wrong but ya ain’t right. Listen doll, so there’s nine guys on each team, right? And one of the guys is the pitcher for the inning. The pitcher, he’s the fella who . . .”

ੈ♡˳

“. . . and then the outfielders, once you have those fellas you can get somethin’ called a line drive where it hits right to ‘em without touchin’ the ground–”  

It had twenty non-stop minutes of Scout explaining the entire concept of baseball to you, and if you heard another way a ball can be thrown you were gonna snap. You took his face in your hands and kissed him before another move could be explained. 

His ears flushed red and he froze for a moment after you pulled away. “Uh, what was that all about, doll?”

“I love you but if I hear another word about baseball I’m gonna lose it. Can I just watch the game with you and enjoy it that way?” you ask. 

“Fine, fine—” he cuts himself off as the two of you are both hit with the realization. You said I love you. Shit, shit, shit shit shitshitshit!

Before you can stammer out a sorry or any other form of explanation, the woman in the ticket booth says “Next!” and you’re left to panic while Scout gives her the tickets.

We’ve only been dating for a few months, is that weird to say? It must be, he didn’t say it back. Maybe he didn’t hear me? No, he definitely heard me. Oh god, I fucked this up bad, fuck—

“Hey dollface, she said we can go in, c’mon,” he said with a smile, squeezing your hand and leading you into the stadium. You two found a spot in the bleachers, luckily under the shade of an awning. You nervously bounced your leg as you prepared for the game to begin.

He’s not treating me any differently, maybe he’s just gonna ignore that I said that. Please, god just ignore it. 

“Geez, real anxious to see the game, huh doll?” he said to you with a smile.

“Yeah, yeah.” Maybe this would all be okay, another normal date. Just ignore that gross feeling in your gut and it’ll be fine.

ੈ♡˳

It was not all fine. Everytime the word ‘love’ came out of Scout’s mouth you couldn’t help but feel a growing annoyance. And he said it a lot.

“Man, I love that guy!”

“ —fuckin’ love this hot dog—”

“Love the view, right doll?”

It’s like he was rubbing it in. The gross feeling, the loud noise and the tight packed crowd all teamed up to give you a headache. Great. You distracted yourself from the feeling by leaning into him and eating your popcorn, desperately trying to understand the game in front of you. Maybe you should have listened a little more to your boyfriend’s explanation. “You cold dollface?

“Nah, just tired and have a little headache, ‘m fine,” you said as you popped another piece of popcorn in your mouth.

He wrapped his arm around you so you could have more support. “We, uh, don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, y’know. It’s the bottom of the fifth if you wanna get out of here.”

“No, no, it‘s fine, gotta stay for my first baseball game. Besides, isn’t that rude to just leave?”

“Naw, it’s fine. ‘S pretty normal not to stay the whole nine innings for your first game. ‘Sides, I don’t want you to feel like shit. We could go to a game some other time, how’s that sound?”

You smiled softly. “Sounds perfect.”

“Good, now c’mon,” he said as he picked you up in his arms to carry you out of the stadium.

“Jeremy, my head is the thing that hurts, not my legs. I can still walk, you doofus,” you laughed. He kissed your forehead. 

“Whatever you say, sweetcake, but I’m still carryin’ ya.”

ੈ♡˳

It was dark out, and Jeremy had just finished calling Engineer on the pay phone while you sat on a nearby bench: Scout’s jacket draped over you. Only a few people milled about, leaving to their cars underneath the street lamps.

Jeremy sat down next to you, reaching to hold your hand. “Engie’s gonna be here in ‘bout ten minutes...you alright doll?”

You delicately took it. “I dunno…”

“Did anything happen?”

“I mean, kinda? It’s stupid though, dunno why I’m getting so focused on it.”

“Can you tell me?”

You took a deep breath and looked at the concrete. “Well, I don’t know if you actually heard me, but earlier I accidentally said that I love you. I- I mean, not accidentally, I do, but it just, y’know, slipped out.”

“I heard you doll,” Scout said, tilting your face up to look at him.

“Then why didn’t you say anything? I mean, I get if you don’t love me yet, I’m not gonna blame you, but just say something.”

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know if you were bein’ serious, doll,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Y’know, you’re amazing and sweet, and almost every time I’ve liked someone this fantastic they’re just with me for laughs.”

“Jeremy…we’ve been dating for two months, did you really think that I don’t care about you?”

“Well I mean, two months right. I kinda thought you would’ve already said ‘I love you’ by now, so just- I dunno. . . do you actually love me?”

“Of course I do, Jeremy, I just was nervous because I thought I said it too early,” you said, leaning closer to him, looking at how his face caught the light of the street lamp.

“I love you too,” Scout said with a dorky smile before pulling you close and kissing you. You probably would’ve kissed for much longer but the sound of a truck horn interrupted you. 

“Hey lovebirds, get in!” Engineer shouted from the truck.

Scout pulled away and blushed before getting in with you, holding your hand tight the whole time. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[whenyouwishuponastar7]

Hi everyone!

I have to address something that has gone on and is currently occurring. This is the last thing I want to do because I have spent eight years in different fandoms and avoided as much drama as possible. I want no part in it. I want to enjoy my time here.

Unfortunately, this is no longer drama. This is about an individual harming people, their mental health, their safe spaces, their enjoyment of fandom, their favorite ship, and their writing. This is about an individual who chooses bigotry over friendship and will align themselves with bad people for popularity.

And they don’t care who they harm by doing it.

This person made my life a living hell for over five months. It started in August, but things took a turn in October. I was finally free of them in late February because that is when a fandom event ended that tied me to them.

During this event, this person stressed me out to the point of tears. They made passive-aggressive remarks about various things, which made me feel insecure about my fic and writing. They unexpectedly changed their medium and didn’t talk to me about it before they did; I admit I was taken aback, hurt, and short with them. I apologized and took accountability the following day.

From then on, I tried to be as supportive, kind and understanding as possible.

I was “pushy” in December and January because this person had not produced a single finished piece of their art, which would total ten pieces. I knew it was too late in January to get a pinch hitter, and I don’t care that I asked a few times how it was going when I had nothing. I handed them a completed fic on August 28th. They had nothing until mid-January (and almost didn’t make it to this deadline) but didn’t start the bulk of their work until late January 22nd and finished (except polishing and watermarking) on the 26th.

Final submissions were on January 31st.

It took them four days to do what they hadn’t done in five months. I asked if they needed an extension, and we got one because they were not done by the final submission day. I had watched another writer’s artist drop out at the last minute, and mods said they couldn’t find anyone to pinch-hit for them.

This experience was a bad one. I can’t express how shitty it felt. I didn’t write for three months during it, and the fics I’ve written since then aren’t very good. I also have watched my readership disappear—getting the hits and kudos I did before October stopped.

I had a feeling this individual might have been involved if they were talking about me, but I thought I was being paranoid. I still may be, but since this has all happened, I have started to regain readers. I find that interesting.

Anyway! This whole thing ended, and it was bitter for me. I don’t have any more enjoyment in this fandom. I love my ship, but I currently have no desire to write them. I’ve been depressed and I’m scarred from fandom events. This person took away my joy when I only wanted to participate in a fandom event with my friends and have fun.

Because fandom is supposed to be fun, it’s not supposed to do this to people. It’s insane that it does this to people, and I never wanted to be involved in this bullshit.

This person has gone on to enjoy other fandom events, write and produce art, and seems to be doing fine.

Through small but interesting events, I started to learn about this individual’s ‘perspective’ on the entire thing with me. And, hoo boy, it was a fucking ride.

I am still shocked, amazed, flabbergasted and kinda pissed off about how this person lied about me. Everything they said was a complete lie. They shared my DMs via screenshots out of context, warped what we were talking about to play the victim and get sympathy, and flat-out lied numerous times. I have been accused of forcing them to do things during the event when I have screenshot proof that never happened.

For everything this individual accused me of, I provided screenshots to tell the fucking truth.

Two people have told me the same phrasing: they made me out to be a monster.

A monster.

If anyone knows me, my character, they know I’m not a goddamn monster. I try to keep my head down, stay in my lane, play in my sandbox corner, enjoy my ships, and have fun with my friends.

To be called a monster or to have someone say, ‘you’re nothing like they made you out to be,’ is the most surreal moment of my adult life.

This is fiction, fandom; it’s not real, and not everyone makes a living off it. It’s a hobby, and it’s supposed to be enjoyable. Once we step away from our computers and phones, no one knows us as so and so, writer or artist of Ship. Meanwhile, this person is making me out to be the worst human being alive, and it is absolute insanity to learn how deep it goes.

The twists and turns, the lies, the complete lack of reality, the delusion. It’s creepy and disturbing. And, through finding all of this out, I pieced together a pattern of behavior that this individual has:

When you do something they don’t like, they distance themselves, become cold and passive-aggressive, and hold themselves above you. You are no longer of use to them. They dangle their friendship and attention on a lure, hoping you’ll bite, only to throw you back under.

Please understand that this is a dangerous thing—this is not fandom drama—this is a dangerous individual, and the person with whom they choose to spend their time speaks volumes.

I will not share names or screenshots. Screenshots have been shared with the right people, and I will not make it a public spectacle. I also choose to protect the privacy of my friends and others involved in this, of which there are many.

I have been accused of forcing this individual to do things, hating them and their work, being extremely pushy and stressing them out, and that my server was unwelcoming and the people in it were unkind, and various other things. Small things that didn’t mean anything to me were taken extremely personally and made into more lies to make this person a victim.

Such as my preferred formatting for posting my fic links on tumblr. They did not respect it, even though I attempted to respect their formatting for posting their art numerous times earlier, but I was told not to stress about it and, you guessed it—accused of forcing them to change things behind my back. Again, screenshots have been given to the right people.

This individual can delete everything, but we have our proof, as we have been gathering it. We will not publicly share anything, but if this individual decides to, we have the evidence to back it all up.

There were so many creepy and fucked up things that happened. I can’t list them without getting too personal, but please understand this person does not belong in our fandom.

They chase popular people, especially artists, to ‘collect’ them and lie to and manipulate their friends for sympathy. Their friends need to step away and see the light because they are being used—it’s not a real friendship. It is transactional.

And you should be offended. They will cast you aside when you’re useless to them, too.

If I seem mad, it’s because I am. I have been dealing with this since August, when I realized that many of their comments were strange. I didn’t know those were red flags at the time. This individual pretends to be friendly and claims to be ‘the nice one’ when things go wrong so they can keep their reputation. Interactions with them might seem harmless, but looking at them with a different scope makes them something far different.

Don’t ignore red flags or gut instincts.

This is my story, and it is not told exactly how I wish I could tell it. But I know this individual has hurt numerous other people. I was going to make this post without the ability to reblog, but I am leaving it open for now.

If you want to add your story, as I suspect many of you know who I am speaking of, please do. I ask that you avoid telling anyone else’s stories for them unless you have permission. Protect each other.

This stupid shit unites us. I’m not afraid anymore because I’m sick of watching my friends get hurt again and again.

This individual has befriended a known bully and transphobic person. I won’t speak any further on this because it is not my story, but please bear in mind that they chose a TERF over trans friends. And we know what they say about association.

Blindsided victims of this individual are not at fault for this person’s actions.

See something, say something. Terfs and bullies can GET FUCKED.

Share your story.

[the-authoress-writes]

Dangerous Games

Tom “Iceman” Kazansky x Navy Nurse Wife!reader

Synopsis: The saying goes “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes”.

Well, Mrs. Thomas Kazansky is about to learn another version of this saying; “Play dangerous games, win dangerous prizes”.

But she doesn’t exactly mind.

Warnings: Mrs. Kazansky gets a little frisky in public, but nothing explicit, some cursing, and a little bit of steaminess, but again, nothing explicit.

Author’s Note: “I don’t write reader fic”, she said.

“I really don’t”, she said.

But here we are.

And I entirely blame both @valmare and Val himself.

I wrote this as a writing exercise, actually, because @valmare and I have slightly different approaches to Tom Kazansky; she has a more dominant take on him, while mine is more romantic and soppy, but no less passionate (I think).

I wrote this just to see if I could somehow combine both traits/takes in one story.

And… hoo, boy, I like to think I was successful.

That, combined with reading one of my grandmother’s ancient Silhouette Romance novels, I thought it was about time that the turns were tabled on the men.

Let’s be the ones to snap them like twigs, and not the other way around.

Without further ado, here we are!

“So what’s on the agenda today,” she asked her husband, as he sat at the kitchen counter eating his breakfast, while she stood on the other side, finishing her cup of yogurt, before she had to head to work for the shift she was called to fill in at the last minute yesterday.

“Well,” Tom began, after swallowing, “not much, just a meeting which apparently couldn’t wait until Monday, in the afternoon—other than that, nothing else really.

And uh, Mav and the guys are coming back home tonight; like I said last week, Sli and I were going to greet them, and they’re going out for drinks at the O Club later, but I can tell them I can’t go—”

“No, you go, enjoy yourself, I know it’s been a while since you last saw Mav and the flyboys,” she smiled.

In a rare occurrence, Mav and Tom’s deployments didn’t match up, leaving him and Slider on shore, while Mav and Merlin, Wood and Wolf were at sea.

She could hear the calls Tom would make in the evenings to the Vinson, to the various officers who owed him, already rather influential at the recently-received rank of Lieutenant Commander, for updates on Mav in particular.

She’d heard the stories both from the man himself, and from Tom, how the Mitchell name hung like an albatross around the diminutive pilot’s neck, how his basic medical needs were overlooked by dint of his “traitorous” surname.

As a nurse, especially a Navy nurse, it was beyond unconscionable.

She was glad that Mav had Tom as a friend, and it touched her to see the care he extended to his whole TOPGUN class.

“Such a Mother Goose,” Mav and Slider would say, both with sadness, but the former with a soul-deep sadness.

“Are you sure, milaya?” Tom’s voice brought her back to the present, as he came around the counter to step into her personal space, his hands on her waist, infusing her whole being with the warmth that only he could give her. “Because I’m really feeling bad that I have basically a whole day off, and you have to work.

We could have a movie night with some popcorn and ice cream, and you can talk about how people like me are the craziest sons of bitches around,” he grinned, referring to how they met a little over three years ago, after a little training mishap. “I’ll gladly keep your misery company.”

She smiled, resting her hand on the chiseled plane of his bare chest, as her index finger idly played with the chain of his dog tags, “No, like I said, even last week, you go and enjoy yourself with the boys.” Her smile took on a more devilish quirk, “Besides, you can make it up to me later.”

Tom raised an eyebrow, “Oh, I can, can I?”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll manage,” she teasingly replied.

“Uh-huh,” he breathed, stepping impossibly closer, “and how exactly do you want me to make it up to you?”

“You’ll think of something.”

“How about a little down payment, then?”

He didn’t even bother waiting for her positive, always positive, response before one hand was buried in her hair, and his lips were on hers.

It was a kiss full of the easy confidence of a man who knew he was given what he took, and the passion and devotion of one who knew what a gift that was.

She could have gotten lost in her husband’s embrace and kiss for eternity, but the rude realization that she had a shift to prepare for, made her reluctantly, oh-so-reluctantly, push him away.

“As much as I’d really love to continue this, I can’t.

I have to go.”

He pouted like a child, the effect amusing to see on his already-full, kiss-swollen lips, and she gently carded her hand through his hair, soft and slightly curling without the gel, pushing it away from where it flopped onto his forehead. “I know most of this day didn’t pan out how we wanted it to, but we’ll make the best of it—we always do.”

“I know.

You’re sure it’s okay with you if I go out with the boys tonight?”

“Yes, Tom, how many times do I have to tell you?

Go have fun—but not too much fun,” she smiled.

He leaned forward, tucking his head into her neck, inhaling deeply, “You’re the only one I want to have fun with.”

“I would hope so, Thomas Vasilyevich,” she replied, lightly poking him in the side, “seeing as I’m your wife.”

“Oof,” he mock-winced, drawing back to look her in the eyes, “Russian naming me, huh?

Well, Mrs. Kazanskaya, two can play at that game,” he rejoined, leaning in to kiss her again.

However, she pushed him away, laughing, “You are a menace, Thomas Jacob Kazansky!

I have to go!”

“Worth a shot,” he laughed, letting her go.

She gathered her lunch into her bag, along with her paperwork, and shouldered the tote, before turning back to face Tom, who was leaning against the counter, long, sweatpants-clad legs crossed at the ankles, mirroring his arms, a knowing smirk on his lips. “Not going to kiss me goodbye?”

With a sigh, she asked, “If I kiss you goodbye, will you keep your hands to yourself?”

He clicked his tongue, “You drive a hard bargain, lyubimaya moya, but I’ll try.”

“Don’t try, just do,” she replied, amending one of Mav’s favorite sayings, stepping closer to peck him on the lips.

True to his word, he didn’t move an inch, but the regret on his face made her have to resist the temptation to kiss him and say to hell with her shift today. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

And here, a sudden idea struck her. “Hey, wait a minute, you said that you guys were going to the O Club, right?”

“Yes,” he replied, drawing out the syllable. “Why?”

“Because I was thinking that if I can, maybe I can meet you guys there, join you flyboys.”

Tom’s eyes lit up. “That’d be great!”

“You guys won’t mind?”

“I won’t mind,” he shook his head.

She good-naturedly rolled her eyes, “I know you won’t mind, what about the guys?”

“I’m sure the guys won’t mind, but they can take it up with me if they don’t like it.

Try to make it?”

“I will—hopefully, I’ll see you later.

And you’re sure you don’t need your other girl today?” she asked, double checking that he didn’t need his Chevelle, since her car was in the shop that week.

“No,” he shook his head, “Slider’s picking me up, you take her.

I love you, milaya.”

“I love you too.”

With that farewell, she dashed out the door, fleeing her own house like Lot, because she knew she’d never leave if she looked back at Tom.

Chaos.

That was what her shift at NMCSD was like.

Some unlucky or hapless person somewhere had probably said “It sure is quiet around here,” or some other variation of that phrase, and brought the wrath of the medical gods down upon them.

She’d had no less than ten emergencies to deal with, and at the end of her shift, she felt—no—knew—she deserved a drink.

A quick glance at her watch showed that it was just before 1800–from her experience, the carriers usually docked at 1500 or 1600, which meant they should all be at the O Club already.

Not wanting to give the charge nurse an opportunity to call her for something else, she practically ripped off her uniform, changing into the nicer spare clothes she kept in her locker just in case she had somewhere to be that wasn’t the grocery or straight home.

It was a worn, but well-fitting pair of jeans, sensible shoes, a tank top, and finally, a white buttondown with vertical blue stripes which she pilfered from Tom’s closet, that she never saw him wear.

After throwing on the shirt, leaving it unbuttoned, and tucking in her tank, she hastily walked (okay, ran) out of NMCSD, and headed to her parking spot.

God had mercy on her, as the traffic was light all the way to the O Club, the Almighty surely knowing that she’d reached her limits of bullshittery, that all she wanted after this day was a stiff drink, and her husband’s company, despite the fact that there would be others around, friends as they were to her.

It was a Saturday night, and the parking lot was full, but she managed to find a spot on the far end of the lot, a slight sheen of sweat breaking on her skin despite the AC, as she maneuvered in, not wanting to scratch her husband’s beloved car.

The flaring, insistent ache in her feet was testament to the long walk to the entrance, exposing just how many people had to be here, and true enough, once she pushed the doors open, the bar was hopping.

She moved through the crowded bar, searching for Merlin, Slider, or Tom—there’d be little hope of finding Wood or Wolf, and no hope of finding Mav, in this press of people.

She was heading through the crowd towards the bar when she smacked straight into someone.

An apology was on her lips, when the person turned, and she heard, “Hey, Mrs. Ice, how are you!”

And she looked up, up, up into the smiling face of Sam “Merlin” Wells.

“Hey, Merls, how are you, how was deployment?” she said, hugging the ludicrously tall RIO.

“Ehh, hot, as usual, but otherwise, uneventful; just running our CAPs, and buzzing the tower every now and then.”

She guffawed, “That’s Mav for you—I don’t know who’s crazier; Mav, or you, for willingly sitting in the same jet as him.”

Merlin leaned down, “Tell you a secret?”

“Sure.”

“Probably me, because I actually enjoy it,” he murmured.

She chuckled, “Oh, Samuel, never change.”

“Hey, what am I doing, let me get you to the guys’ table!

Come on!!”

He put his hand on her shoulder to make sure she didn’t get lost in the crowd, and led her to a table in the back. “Guys, look who I found!”

“Well, hey, if it isn’t my favorite Ice Queen!” Mav cried, leaping to his feet and pulling her into a hug.

“Hey, Mav, how are you?” she beamed, glad to see her husband’s best friend and wingman.

“Better, after seeing your pretty face,” the black-haired pilot grinned a grin which would probably make quite a few people here swoon, if its full force were turned on them.

She smacked his shoulder, though she was unable to stop her smile, “Stop it, you incorrigible flirt, you’re not my type, and even if you were, I’m very happily taken.”

“Ah, you wound me, my fair Ice Queen,” Mav dramatically clutched his chest.

“You’ll live,” she teasingly rolled her eyes.

“Mind getting your hands off my wife, so I can say hello to her, Mav?”

A glance behind Mav showed Tom standing there, a sight in his summer whites, an arch expression on his face, but those who knew him would be able to see the glowing humor in his eyes—but over all, the joy and love.

Mav moved aside, gesturing grandly at her. “All yours.”

“You bet your ass, Mitchell,” Tom nodded.

“Excuse me, I have a very nice ass, I have that on good authority,” the other pilot affrontedly stated as he walked backwards to his seat.

The voice of Charles “Chipper” Piper called, “Ugh, come on, Mav, no one wants to hear about your pasty ass.”

“You’re one to talk, Chip,” Marcus “Sundown” Williams chuckled.

Tom shook his head and stepped closer, making everything else fade into the background, his beautiful smile on his face. “You came.”

“I needed to,” she sighed, “I need a drink.

And the whole you being here is a nice bonus.”

He blushed slightly, ducking his head. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Well, come on, let’s get you that drink,” he replied, leading her to the table, around which sat Mav, Merlin, Slider, Wolf, Chipper, and Sundown.

“Hey guys,” she waved, taking the seat beside Tom.

They all greeted her as Tom called over one of the waitresses, ordering his usual vodka on the rocks along with her usual Old Fashioned.

When it arrived, she shocked them all by drinking more than half of it in one sitting, heavily setting the glass down on the table.

“That kind of day, huh, sweetheart?” Tom asked, his voice full of sympathy, warmth, and the slightest hint of laughter.

She turned a baleful look on him. “What do you think?”

He blinked, obviously weighing his words, the rest of the flyboys holding their breath. “I think maybe I should get you another one when you’re done with that.”

“God, I love you, Tom Kazansky,” she breathed.

The table collectively exhaled, as Tom grinned. “Aren’t I lucky?”

The night wore on, dinner eventually being ordered from the bar’s kitchen for everyone, and Merlin was the first to leave, saying that his wife was coming home late that night from taking care of a medical emergency with her mother, who lived on the other side of the States, and he wanted to be there to greet her.

The flyboys tossed peanuts teasingly at Merlin, Chipper and Mav whooping, Merlin flipping them the bird with both hands as he laughed, and said goodnight.

The remaining group continued on, and the vodkas Tom had drunk had loosened him up—he wasn’t drunk by any means, but his laughter was a bit louder, his eyes a bit brighter.

He was telling a story about one of the instructors from the TOPGUN session he’d been asked to help out with, since he wasn’t deployed this rotation.

It was a story she’d already heard, and so she allowed his words to fade slightly, just watching him as he spoke, fiddling with the straw of the second Old Fashioned Tom had ordered for her.

She smiled as he gestured animatedly, making the light glint off the gold ring on his left hand, which matched the one on hers.

Seeing it did funny things to her stomach, seeing the tangible proof that that man was hers.

Add to that the fact that Tom was in his summer whites… it was a cocktail more intoxicating than anything the bar behind her could ever offer.

She exhaled evenly, taking a sip of the water she’d switched to after her second Old Fashioned, admiring the figure he cut, an exemplar of US Naval excellence.

If you asked her later, she wouldn’t be able to tell you why she did it.

But the devilish thought of wanting to see if she could tilt him off-kilter entered her mind regardless, and she hid a smile behind the rim of her water glass.

She nonchalantly shifted her chair closer to Tom and innocently placed a hand above his knee, making him glance at her, and offer her a fleeting smile, while continuing the story.

Ever so carefully, she inched her way towards the inseam of his trousers, rubbing small circles as she went, which got her a minuscule narrowing of his eyes and a barely-there glance as he spoke.

She smiled back, stilling her hand, and he continued.

Once he had relaxed into his chair again, she began moving again, shifting her hand higher and higher, letting her fingernails catch repeatedly on the seam.

He cleared his throat and soldiered on, shifting in his seat, but the slightest tone of strain was beginning to creep into his voice now, and she mustered all the stoicism she’d learned from her husband to keep her face straight.

As her hand moved further up his inseam, she was treated to the sight of his jaw tensing, the sheen of sweat gathering at his temples, the movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed thickly, the sound of the strain in his voice, and the hitch in his breath.

She knew that if she continued this, she was playing a very dangerous game, but she couldn’t bring herself to care at that moment.

So she inched further up, letting her fingernails dig into the seam, flicking it almost audibly, which elicited a cough from her husband.

Slider whacked Tom on the back, saying, “You okay, Ice?”

“Yeah,” he rasped, “just—just swallowed the wrong way.”

At this point, she was mere inches away from being so obscenely high on his thigh that the other flyboys would probably see, but just to see what Tom’s reaction would be, she made as though she were going to go there.

Smoothly, he placed his hand atop hers, somehow managing to conceal the fact that he had plucked her hand from basically his lap, bringing it up to his lips as he finished the story, his eyes stormy as he cut his gaze to her.

Maybe, she realized, as she looked into his tempestuous eyes, maybe she had made a very, very big mistake.

After another hour, they began to wrap up, hugging and slapping each other on the back, and for the first time since she’d met Tom Kazansky, she was not looking forward to being alone with him.

When the final farewells had been spoken, Tom wrapped an arm around her shoulder, walking them towards the distinct shape of his Chevelle, visible now that they were some of the last people at the bar.

“I can drive us, if you want,” she offered, testing the waters.

“No, I’ll be the one.

Keys.”

His tone was unreadable, and she fished the keys out of her pocket, handing them to him.

He led her to the passenger’s side, but just before she reached for the handle to open the shotgun door, she found herself pressed against the back passenger door, looking up into her husband’s face.

She refused to buckle at his impassive stare, looking evenly into his eyes; depthless blue, the color of the sea at twilight, in the dim illumination afforded by the streetlamps.

His hand shifted, and her breath hitched, but he only moved his hand past her, the familiar click of the Chevelle’s door release echoing in the thick San Diego night air.

Tom pulled the door further open, inclining his head and stepping back.

She swallowed, but moved to sit in the passenger’s seat, the sound of the shutting door feeling like some sort of passage of sentence.

Moments later, he opened the driver’s side door, sliding in and shutting it, however, he didn’t start the engine.

She held her breath, waiting to see what he would do next, but he only started the car, the purr of the Chevelle doing nothing to ease her tension, serving only to ratchet it up, the familiar streets leading home passing by.

The silence in the car was almost a living entity, made worse by the fact that Tom kept his eyes firmly fixed on the road before them, and she would be lying if she said that her heart wasn’t racing.

She was beginning to see the reasoning behind her husband’s callsign, between his nonchalant attitude and his unerring patience to wait her out, wait for her to slip.

Well.

She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

…

She hoped so, at any rate.

She’d always been weak for him, honestly, and she suspected she always would be.

Much too soon, they pulled into their driveway, and Tom cut the engine, leaving her in silence, literally and figuratively, as he stepped out without a word.

She briefly debated whether or not to stay in the car, but knew deep down that that was not an option, so she got out of the Chevelle, also making her way inside.

After locking up the doors and checking the rest of the house, she exhaled and looked warily up at the stairs. “‘Screw your courage to the sticking place,’ woman,” she murmured, striding determinedly up the stairs.

The lights were on in the bedroom, and she saw Tom at the dresser, keeping his submariner in its box, his face somehow still impassive.

She moved to the bed, picking up the pile of night clothes she’d laid out that morning, muttering, “I’m going to the bathroom,” and darted towards the en suite.

However, before she could make it there, a hand wrapped around her upper arm, and once again, she got the breath knocked out of her, finding her body pressed against the wall behind her by the solid mass of her husband before her, his hands on either side of her head.

“What was that about tonight, hmm, milaya?” he spoke lowly, making a shiver run down her spine.

“What was what?” she replied, affecting a light tone.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” he replied, implacable.

“Oh, that,” she shrugged, caving slightly.

“Yes, that.

And just what were you thinking?”

“Ehhh—nothing much, really.” Well, she mentally admitted, that much was true.

“Uh-huh.

See, I think you were trying to get me to lose it,” he declared.

She somehow managed to muster up an innocent expression. “Uh, nope, not at all.”

“Sure.

So your hand at my inseam was just complete coincidence, was it?”

“Has to be.”

He stared her down just like he had in the O Club parking lot, attempting to keep his expression stoic, but this close, she could see his eyes—how there was only a thin ring of midnight gray, his pupils blown wide from the desire he was trying to keep down.

She inhaled sharply, her lips parting, and his gaze immediately locked onto the sight.

When he spoke next, his voice was low and trembling. “You don’t know what you do to me.”

“I think I have some kind of idea,” she breathlessly murmured.

“Fuck—” he whispered brokenly before kissing her like he was at 38,000 feet and she was the oxygen he needed to breathe.

Caught in his riptide, she was helpless but to hold onto him.

Air surged back into her lungs as his kisses moved down to her neck, only to be stolen from them moments later, a cry halfway between pain and pleasure carried on her breath, when his ardor seared into the delicate skin there.

“That hand of yours—and you wearing my shirt—you drive me crazy,” he spoke into the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

“I think you like it, though,” she whimpered, hitching her legs around his unfairly narrow waist, as he adjusted his arms to hold her up.

“Damn it, I fucking do,” he groaned, moving them towards the bed.

They had just collapsed onto the comforter, kissing like teenagers, when he broke away to breathe, “You’re still going to pay for what you did, though, you’re not getting out of that.”

“Oh, am I, because it seems to me like your mouth is writing checks your body can’t cash… Commander,” she cocked her eyebrow.

His jaw dropped slightly, followed by a shaky inhalation. “…I shouldn’t have told you about my rank thing.”

Her smirk was halfway to a grin by now. “What are you going to do about it?”

He tilted his head. “You’re asking for it, at this point.”

“Well, then, do what you’re going to do, flyboy; that’s an order.”

A wicked smirk quirked the corner of his lips, full of promise. “Yes, Ma’am.”

NMCSD: Naval Medical Center San Diego

The USS Carl Vinson is a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier commissioned in 1982, and she is still on active duty.

I stole @valmare’s headcanon that Tom drives a Chevelle, because if it’s good enough for Mir, it’s good enough for me!

I’m so sorry Mir!

According to a production photo, Tom’s full name is Thomas Jacob Kazansky, but since I headcanon him as Russian, his patronymic is missing.

So thusly, you have Thomas Jacob Vasilyevich Kazansky.

When Mrs. Kazansky refers to Tom as Thomas Vasilyevich, that is considered a casual, informal, yet somehow in its own way, formal, method of referring to someone.

There’s cultural rules about that.

Tom calls Mrs. Kazansky “Mrs. Kazanskaya”, which follows the Russian and Slavic convention of gendered surnames.

CAPs: Combat Air Patrols

Summer whites are the white version of the khaki uniforms, and you can see them in The O Club bar scene in Top Gun ‘86.

“Screw your courage to the sticking place” is a quote from Shakespeare’s “Macbeth”.

Did I basically steal a line from Top Gun, and completely change the context of it?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Mrs. Kazansky calls Tom simply “Commander” instead of Lieutenant Commander, because of the convention regarding “double-barreled” ranks.

Russian Glossary

Disclaimer: endearments and translations taken from Google—please don’t hesitate to correct me if I’m wrong, which, odds are, I am.

Milaya: dear, darling (there are other translations of this word, however)

Lyubimaya moya: my darling/my one and only sweetheart

Taglist

@valmare

If you’d like to join my taglist, just send me an ask!

[tokischaaaaa]

let me in 🌊

!xxxtentacion x !latina reader

warning! : fluff, cursing, weed, drowning, vomit

word count!: 2k

y/n —-> orange

jahseh —-> blue

jahseh was getting ready to go to bed, but then he got a buzz on his phone, it was y/n.

yo you awake?

yes but i’m abt to go to sleep

boo hoo, come with me to the beach

y/n recently found a place to stay right next to the beach, it was a motel but she mad it work. her new location of recidence allowed her to be more connected to the ocean and take reside in.

it took jahseh a few moments before replying, he wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t get caught and had a plan to get back, since he was put into his grandmas house for the time being until he could get his life together.

ok sure

YAYAYA! i’ll bring my speaker u bring the za pls pooki

bruh fine but stop calling me that dumb shit

okay pooki wtv u say 💋

jahseh sighed and put his phone down, he grabbed the nearest shirt to him and threw it on. he went to his cabinet and grabbed some already rolled up blunts.

he sneaked downstairs and opened the front door and hopped on his bike and started his route to y/n’s.

meanwhile y/n was getting ready, grabbing her speaker and her keys, but she was stopped once she got the notification that there would be some rain that was expected to come in 30 minutes

“shit,’ she hissed rubbing her forehead.

‘let’s hope it isn’t that hard and won’t ruin our night,’ y/n whispered to herself.

however this night was odd to her, since she loved going out at night and doing the simplest things , however jahseh was more kept to himself and almost never cracked jokes.

in their friend group jahseh was quiet but everyone else was aware that he had something special. y/n on the other hand was known to be the clown of the group, always to crack jokes or make someone spit water out of their mouth due to her clownery.

y/n was just so surprised that jah said yes, they hardly hung out alone but a few weeks ago they both spotted each other at a party. they both didn’t want to be there, but were forced to stay. y/n mustered up her courage and asked him to take a smoke break outside with her. he nodded and they sat in silence until jah said, “thanks,”

y/n replied with a simple

“you’re welcome.”

and there a odd yet interesting friendship sparked between the two of them. y/n couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t attracted to the quiet boy, his eyes were so haunting but that just provoked y/n to learn more about him.

yo i’m here, wya?

coming down, meet outside the lobby

jahseh put his phone back in his pocket and waited for y/n. as he waited he took one of the joints out and lit it, then took a deep inhale of the joint. he blinked a few times to adjust to the new feeling the weed gave him. when we was high he would become more relaxed and less uptight and a little more out of his shell.

“might as well catch up with y/n’s energy,” he chuckled.

“what about y/n?” she said appearing in front of jahseh.

“na that I already took a hit because you always got mad energy whenever wherever you go.” jahseh said pointing at her speaker.

“touche, but like if there ain’t no y/n ain’t no party.” she giggled.

“yeah right,” jahseh said rolling his eyes.

“whatever boy, let’s go.” y/n said as she turned on her speaker and connected it to her phone.

y/n assumed jahseh was walking at the same pace as her but as she turned around she saw jahseh staring at her ass.

“jahseh!” she groaned approaching him lightly grabbing his ear.

“owww, mamas please i didn’t mean to it was the weed.” he cried.

“yeah right, keep walking.” she sighed.

to be fair, y/n had on a black sports bra and black shorts, though they weren’t a lot they were enough to protect her from the flordia humidity especially at this hour.

as jahseh caught up to y/n he couldn’t help but wrap one of his arms around y/n as a lead to keep him from tripping or falling behind.

y/n was taken aback from this action but then remembered jah was high and the last thing she wanted was for him to have a bad trip and something bad happen.

as they were walking, not in silence since y/n already started playing music, y/n moved jah’s arm to her shoulder to be draped.

jah on the other hand was feeling a little devious and decided to play with the strap of y/n’s bra strap.

“jah wait till we get situated at the beach,” y/n whined, she tried to keep her act up of acting like she was not screaming inside. inside she was CRUSHINGGG hard, she knew jah was flirty since he definitely had a record of being a player but this part of jahseh she’d never heard of or seen.

“okay mamas,” he said as he slapped y/n’s ass.

that was the turn off for y/n, he was getting wayyyy too comfortable.

“jahseh! no, you gotta get it together, you’re acting like your white girl wasted right now!” y/n screamed slapping jahseh’s chest.

jah blinked a few times before he could register what had happened,

“shit y/n, i’m sorry, im overdoing the weed. it’s just i’m tired of being so uptight.”

y/n decided to stay quiet and hear what was on jahseh’s mind which led him to slap her ass.

“it’s just, since that night of the party there was something up. like you saw me being in my head, and you brought me out of there. i know i do a lot of small talk and i know it can get annoying. but you still decided to hang out with me. i didn’t ask, and i don’t know if i gave any signs to a second time to hang out, but you took the initiative.”

“jah what are you trying to say?”

“i’ve never met someone like you y/n, i wanna stick by you and learn about you, everyone in my life have either been mad negative or just plain jane’s. you’re different.”

“jahseh spit it out.”

jahseh then litterly spit out something in his throat

“jahseh, wtf not litterly.” y/n groaned.

“i like you y/n.” jahseh screamed as he then ran into the ocean.

y/n dropped the speaker on the sand and the towels she had in her hands and jumped to grab jahseh.

as she ran to jahseh he already was in the water and basically drowning.

“shit jahseh!” y/n yelled getting a hold of him by the shoulder. as y/n pulled him to the sand he wasn’t moving, she slapped his face and began to do cpr. as she went to do mouth to mouth to him she backed up and saw his eyes open. he then turned to the side and hurled.

“let it out, it’s okay.” y/n said patting his back.

“oh my fucking god, what just happened y/n.” jahseh said between burps.

“you told me you liked me, jumped in the water then drowned.” y/n said with a weak smile.

“oh,” jahseh said rubbing his head.

“yeah, i think we can do beach another day maybe when you don’t abuse tf out of the blunt.” y/n chirped flicking jah’s neck.

“ow y/n!”

“what do you mean beach another day?” jah asked.

“you’re too fucked, and i can’t deal with rescuing you again.”

“but i don’t wanna go yet.”

“wanna head back to my room?” y/n proposed

“yes!” jahseh yelled

“jah you are like actually a crazy high.” y/n laughed.

“so, you seem to like it, you’re laughing.” jahseh said in a dorky voice.

she smiled then grabbed his hand and led him to her room, she hoped that he forgot he confessed his feelings to her. she couldn’t tell if he was serious and knew that he wouldn’t say this sober she she rather not push it.

“y/n, your quiet.” jahseh said

“yeah, just focused on getting you upstairs.” y/n said scanning her card to unlock the elevator.

“yea right. you’re just speechless cuz i’m so handsome.” jahseh said, and as y/n looked at him he struck a pose.

“im just so in awe by you jahseh.” y/n said rolling her eyes.

“i knew it! now give me a kiss!” jahseh said puckering out his lips.

y/n put her hand on his lips and took his hand and led him to her room.

“jah sit on the bed, ima see if i have some water for you.” y/n said looking unfer her bed.

as she looked up with a bottle in her hand she saw jahseh looking at her with his dark eyes.

“you never said anything after i told you i liked you.” jahseh said in a dark tone.

y/n was frozen, “umm, because you ran into the ocean.”

“yea but you didn’t do anything.”

“jahseh why are you bringing this up?”

“because i like you y/n, let me in. i know im a quiet but trust me ill open up to you, i need you, don’t you get that?” jahseh asked with his glass eyes.

y/n rose from the floor and sat next to jahseh on the bed, “jah i would but im scared, you have a history of playing games.”

“yeah that’s the past though, i promise you y/n. i’ll do anything. mamas i will buy you roses everyday, i’ll do anything.” jahseh said leaving kisses on y/n’s neck as he begged for her to let him in.

“i dunno jahseh,” she moaned as his kisses got deeper.

“you do know.” jahseh in a deep tone, pressing his lips onto y/n’s. she fell back onto the bed and so did jahseh, their lips still connected to each other. as jahseh expected she didn’t stop kissing him, he put his arms around her body, giving a quick squeeze to her ass.

“jah, enough with my ass.” y/n hissed as she started kissing on his neck.

“you know i love that culo tho mami,” he smiled.

y/n lightly blushed, hoping jah couldn’t tell but he did.

“you know you love it when i touch it too, ain’t no body do it like me mamas.” he said into the crook of her neck.

his hot breath made y/n’s throat close up. she put her hands behind jah’s neck and played with the back of his head, pulling it closer to her face.

“jah don’t fuck this up.” she said as a tear escaped her eye.

jah looked at her and cooed, “oh y/n, i won’t i promise you, you’re a rare one, very rare. i’ll never hurt you, just praise you ma.” he said wrapping his arms around her waist.

as they held each other closely, y/n felt jahseh put his chin on her head.

“jah, i want you to be yourself without the weed tho.” y/n admitted.

“i know ma, i will i just needed it this time to get out of my pussyness.” jah said playing with a strand of y/n’s hair.

“okay baby,” y/n said looking at jah now, looking deep into his narrow eyes.

“why you look at me like that ma?” jah asked getting closer to y/n’s eyes.

“because you’re so handsome.” y/n smiled.

“i know,” jahseh smiled then put his free hand on his hip.

“boy bye,” y/n said getting up trying to get some water.

“where you going ma?” jahseh whined as he grabbed y/n’s waist and pulled her back to the bed.

“no where now.” y/n smiled giving jahseh a kiss on his nose.

“that’s what i thought.” jahseh grinned with the face of success.

“i’m glad you let me in ma,”

“me too jah.”

tokischaaaaa speaks: so this is new for me sooo umm yea

[iwriteasfotini]

Here's the thing. I like the Severus Marauders dynamic to go both ways. The scales are far from level (four against one - though Severus himself is a formidable opponent when he isn't caught unaware) but I also like to think Severus wasn't the ONLY one who liked to give it back to the Gryffindor boys.

Enter Barty Crouch Jr and a bottle of laxative potion.

Severus POV 483 words Rating: Teen

Severus proceeded to watch the second year Gryffindors dig into their meal, and he was satisfied to see Lily sitting on the far end of the group. She didn’t laugh when Potter made some kind of joke either. Severus’ heart swelled. 

“How long is it supposed to take?” Regulus asked. 

“Not long, should be any second now for anyone who had some.”

And sure enough, a minute later, Lupin looked up with a pinched expression on his face. 

“Yes!” Barty said. 

Lupin hurriedly got up and ran toward the entrance hall. Black was next, he bolted for the doors. Potter looked very confused when Pettirgrew also took off. Then Flumette, then Macdonald, then Spinnet, then—and Severus felt a pang of regret—Lily dashed out. Potter was completely befuddled, and then Severus saw him drink some of the juice. 

Severus, Barty, and Regulus got up to leave not long after Potter vanished to find a toilet. They wanted to see if they could innocently witness the byproducts of their efforts. 

“I’ve got to wee,” Severus said loudly. “I’ll catch you up.”

Regulus and Barty made like they were going to the library which would take them past the next closest set of toilets, if anyone had made it so far. 

Severus pushed open the door to the gents, and heard Lupin and Black swearing between ghastly excretion sounds. It did not smell good. 

“Bloody hell! I feel like my stomach is going to explode.” A sound like the air being let out of a balloon rang through the stone chamber. 

“Ugh, I’m going to be sick.” 

“We’re already sick you dimwit.”

“Yoo-hoo” Severus called. 

The voices cut off, but plenty of other sounds continued. 

“That better not be who I think it is,” one of the boys hissed; Severus bet it was Black.

“Not a lot you can do about it with your pants around your ankles, Black.”

Black let off a string of swear words. 

“Language,” he admonished, then clucked his tongue.

Someone let loose again and Severus had to jam his fist into his mouth to keep from laughing. 

“You did this, Snivellus,” said Black in a strained voice. “I know it was you.”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to. I happened in here for a wee and got lucky to find you in a compromised position.”

“Merlin’s saggy balls on toast!” That was Lupin. He grunted and a long string of puuut’s sounded. 

“Get out, Snivellus!” Black yelled.

“Look, do you want me to send for someone?” Severus said nonchalantly.

“Just GET. OUT.”

Severus had heard and more importantly smelled enough. He retreated, letting the door bang loudly behind him before he broke down into fits of laughter. Tears streamed from his eyes, and he clutched his stomach. Until he remembered Lily had also had some of the laxative. 

“Oh no, Lily.” He hurried off to try and find the others.

>>><<<

This is the big prank from The Prince's Pact. There is simply too much other stuff going on to have the characters locked in a pranking war. But I do like to see the Slytherins get their revenge in non-violent ways (while they're young).

Watch out for Barty everyone! Kid's a lose canon.

[prince--esque]

Had another Destiny dream, hoo boy. This is a long one.

So it was my first time booting up the game and I got transported into the TV (great stuff). But I didn't start off in the cosmodrome. Instead, it stuck me in some sort of Braytech facility that had recently been abandoned. (It was broken down, but not due to age.) There also weren't any lights, but there were these reflective square on the floor that would shine whenever I looked at them.

My starting (and only) weapon was Compass Rose, but it was severely underleveled, so it didn't do anything against the enemies. I was also not wearing any proper gear except for what i think was the default(?) Warlock helmet and a weird fauld. Other than that, I was wearing regular clothes.

Also I didn't have a Ghost. Nothing killed them or anything, I just...didn't spawn with one. So no Light.

As for what I'm up against: some amalgamation of Scorn. But it's not normal Scorn. It's like...even more infected than they normally are. And crazy smart. And look like a cross between a Hive ogre and a Clicker from The Last of Us. And they're fast.

So I start wandering around in this labyrinth; can't use my gun cause it'll make noise and draw all of the Scorn to my location, and can't really defend myself at all because my gear is not optimal for this situation.

Get to this corner of the facility that is littered with these guys, and I have to get through an archway on the other side. So my natural reaction after being stuck in here for several (dream) days is to just gun it. I weave between the enemies, dodging their attacks and grabs, and make it!...but I forgot something. What? I have no idea. But I have to go back and get it.

Start running back through them again when I get conked in the head and put in a chokehold until I pass out. Thought I was dead. Nope.

I wake up in some kind of large machine that has a spinning mechanism along the floor and ceiling. Kinda like a dryer. Have to start running hamster-wheel technique to get the momentum to launch myself onto a ledge above me. Though, I am rudely interrupted by a Brig waltzing into the room like it owns the place. Which, it kinda did.

This was the Big guy. The Boss. A pitch black Brig that was restored using a mix of Braytech and Vex parts, being piloted by...something. Never got a proper look inside, but he was speaking English while mocking me, so. Hm.

Anyways, I get thrown back into the giant dryer, pass out again, then wake up hours later. I struggle to get on my feet for a minute, then stagger over to my gun. Broken. (Not like it did much in the first place.) But beside it is a...gauntlet? I'm not sure how to describe this thing. It was about the length of my forearm and was equally as wide, except the top piece of metal curved downwards. The Nine also had their logo on the top, so cool. Didn't really matter what it looked like at first though because I was more focused on the fact it was something.

Anyways Mr. Big Brig comes back, does the classic Evil Laugh and taunting. Starts the actual boss fight. I'm grasping at straws on what to do, but have some kind of divine instinct to shoot it. Shoot it? With wha—THE GAUNTLET IS A ROCKET LAUNCHER! Somehow!

I get a shot in directly into the guy's legs. But even with the sweet relief of not being completely helpless anymore, it only took him down to 9/10ths of his health. And I couldn't manually reload it, cause it didn't take any ammo! I had to wait until it magically gained another rocket every ten-ish minutes.

Start stumbling around the area, trying to get to an exit. The Brig follows me around in a way that it always ends up looming over me. I am sobbing at this point. I am hungry, drained, and stuck and i can feel my gut practically collapsing in on itself. My vision was blurry to the point I could hardly see. I am not having a fun time.

Eventually, I get the final shot it. It doesn't feel as good as it should. I clamber up the edges and roll myself up onto the ledge, walking over to a doorway while trying not to trip over my own two feet. I get through the arch.

Then I wake up.

[scaryscarecrows]

Hey Scary, I'm pretty sure you've answered this before, but Tumblr's search system has once again failed me so I'm just gonna ask you again 🫣 What Jonathan-centric comics would you recommend?

I have NOT. I don't think. I couldn't find that ask, either, so probably not. Who knows. ANYWAYS, this took my a hot minute because I wanted to go through my shelves and assess!

Year One. Definitely my favorite Scarecrow comic, probably my favorite comic of all time. (You never forget your first...I was so innocent. 'Just this one', I said. And now I have a Problem.)

Fear State. First of all, when we first see him in Arkham? Oh, yes. Yes, please. He is having a Lecter moment and hot damn am I here for this. It's a little cluttered at times (DC seems to think 'more is better' these days, which only works SOMETIMES), but Scarecrow himself is pretty solid.

As the Crow Flies. This one is bizarre. I don't know how much I like it, exactly, but points are given for Scarebeast looking damn cool, fucking up Bruce's shit pretty good, and generally being a menace. (Points docked because...Scarebeast? Hoo, boy.) Worth the read solely for being...well...an Experience.

Haunted Knight. I like Scarecrow in the Loeb/Sale stories, but he really, really shines in 'Fears'. That one was genuinely creepy in the best way, 10/10, have read again. (Off-topic, his appearance in the animated adaptation of The Long Halloween is wonderfully done.)

[maybeimamuppet]

44 for Regina;

12 and 20 for Cady;

24 for Janis;

2,3, 19, 20 and 43 for Veronica for the character thingy

hello friend holy cow this is gonna take me a while tysm!!! <3

REGINA

44 - their happiest memory

she is six years old. it is her birthday. her mom took her shopping the day before and she got the most perfect pink birthday dress. she’s allowed to wear a little makeup since it’s her special day. her parents smile at her at the breakfast table and she gets to eat as many eggo waffles as she wants. her friends all come over in the afternoon and they have a special tea party in the backyard with pink lemonade and finger sandwiches and cookies that are a little gross but make them feel grown up and real china plates and teacups and flowers and everyone’s in their pretty dresses and regina gets a crown.

she opens her presents after they’ve had their meal and gets a pretty dollhouse from her parents. janis gets her the new barbie doll, her first one that isn’t a hand-me-down from her mother. gretchen gives her a paint your own teacup kit. karen gets her a dvd of their favorite barbie princess movie. she’s piled with other gifts from her other friends.

they play on the swings and slides and climb trees. she and janis hold hands on the swings and almost break their elbows. her cake is vanilla and has astronaut barbie printed on it with a pink trim. it is the most delicious thing she’s ever tasted.

janis and gretchen and karen sleep over and they stay up late playing with all regina’s new toys and watching her new movie. they fall asleep on the living room floor and get cake for breakfast the next day.

CADY

12 - crack headcanon

as a child she tried to bring a lion cub as her dinner guest by hiding it in her shirt. it took her parents 20 minutes to notice.

as an adult she uses the same strategy to trick her partner into getting a cat. it works.

20 - scars (related lmao)

one near her right eyebrow because she had a growth spurt, didn’t notice, and ran headfirst into a tree branch

her left ear is slightly deformed at the top bc of a particularly vicious lion cub play session

one right against her lip in the mid-left because she had a stubborn pimple and wouldn’t leave it alone

one on the bottom of her chin because her first time somewhere with them, she fell up the stairs. not down. up.

one on her upper stomach/lower chest where a mama lion got mad and scratched her. her first time needing stitches! but nothing life threatening

some on her back from when she had chicken pox

one on her right arm where she scraped it on some of her parents research equipment

scraped elbows and knees from playing and tripping so much

old shaving nicks on her legs

permanent bite mark just above her right knee because she fell out of a tree, landed biting herself, and the wound got infected

bottom of her left foot, stepped on a thumb tack in her parents’ study room

JANIS

24 - most annoying habit

it’s so hard to pick just one this girl is annoyance personified lmao. and a lot of them are more traits/ symptoms (of adhd mostly) than habits

she steals EVERY writing implement she can get her hands on. her household has no pens or pencils bc she HAS TO SKETCH SMTH IMMEDIATELY and doesn’t put it back. they are actually everywhere. mostly in her pillowcase because she puts them behind her ear and they fall off while she sleeps, in the shower because again, behind the ear and she finds them while she washes her hair, and in her art studio/area place. her partners/damian are fed tf up.

VERONICA hoo boy

2 - a canon or headcanon hill i will die on

she’s tall. that’s genuinely the first one that came into my head. i love a short gremlin type as much as the next person but she’s a minimum of 5’6.

(i haven’t consumed canon or fic in so long i can’t think of anything personality related i’m v sorry)

3 - obscure headcanon

she’s allergic to a lot of really uncommon/“weird” things and everyone is like ??? how can you even be- okay. she has the fun ones like dairy and bee stings and dogs but she’s also allergic to the cold. her own sweat. gelatin. water. coins. babygirl is literally allergic to the sun.

19 - vices/bad habits tw for sh, alcohol, drugs, etc

obvs drinking and smoking. she becomes an alcoholic after canon and dabbles with harder drugs. she goes to rehab when she’s 20 and gets clean. she stays that way the rest of her life, but some days are easier than others. she still smokes though.

also post canon she burns herself with her cigarettes/does other sh. she attempts a few times but is found and given help. the fourth time sticks and she gradually stops.

she calls heathers ghost to bully her whenever she feels bad about herself to make it hurt worse. heather won’t so she moves onto the others. kurt and ram usually go for it. heather yells at them.

she bites her nails. she chews on her hair. she chews pens and pencils. she has cripplingly low self esteem. she’s constantly changing something about her hair.

the list goes on but these are the biggest i can think of

20 - scars tw for sh again

she’s constantly covered in bruises bc she’s clumsy as fuck

it’s not visible but she has one right on top of her head where her hair won’t grow because she concussed herself on a tire swing and split her head open. she had to get staples and it healed oddly

her septum is a little weird if you look close from a botched piercing

she’s missing most of her fingerprint on her left thumb bc of a particularly involved incident involving superglue

one near her left elbow because she was attacked by a dog as a child. also left marks near her eye (on her cheekbone) and bit one of her fingers so it bends just a little

sh scars :(

appendectomy surgery scar on her tummy

one on her hip because she walked directly into a countertop

scraped elbows and knees

and many many stubbed and probably broken toes from walking into things

43 - 3 comfort foods and 3 they despise

loves: (not counting spaghetti with lots of oregano)

slushees. duh.

homegirl loves a soup. her fav is a simple chicken noodle (bonus points if it’s got good veggies in there) but she’ll try anything. cheese and broccoli. tomato. french onion. matzo ball. her cabinet is like a soup museum.

and she loves animal crackers because they remind her of her childhood and simpler times. and she always sings the shirley temple song because she watched all the movies with her parents and secretly loves them.

hates:

grape soda because it doesnt taste like grape. she gives it a pass because it does taste like purple but she still refuses to drink it.

eggs because she can’t get over what they actually are

corn nuts bc they remind her of the bad times and are also just really gross to begin with

[apocalypticavolition]

1,000 Greatest Films: Le voyage dans la lune

Every January, They Shoot Pictures, Don't They? puts out a list of the 1,000 greatest films of all time as voted upon by film critics everywhere, or at least lots of places someone in the Anglosphere has access to. 1,000 is a lot of films, but what if someone watched all of a year's list? And what if instead of doing it in ascending or descending order (that is, from 1 to 1,000 or the other way around), they did it chronologically? There's a 0.0001% chance we'll find out and that chance grows with every post I make, so here's post #1!

Le voyage dans la lune, or "A Trip to the Moon" (did the translators not know that the English word for "voyage" is, y'know, "voyage"?), is the earliest movie in the 2025 TSPDT list. Released back in 1902, it's a fanciful account of how humanity might reach the moon and what they might find there, directed by legendary French director George Méliès, whose name I will be copy-pasting because as an English speaker, accent marks scare me.

Méliès, born in the 1860s, of course predates film by some years and came to it through his love of stage magic. Having purchased the Théâtre Robert-Houdin, a rather dated site, Méliès was constantly trying to innovate in his field to draw new crowds. At the end of 1895, he was able to attend a private demonstration of a cinematograph and clearly fell in love. Unable to purchase the device exhibited, he performed the most desperate act a Frenchman could and went to London to find the supplies he needed and then modified his equipment to create his own film camera.

Where others saw the camera as a way to create non-fiction accounts of the world, Méliès was the inventor of the popcorn flick. His many films were initially focused on the magic tricks he pioneered, using the camera to create fantastic illusions of size and distance. He also made films that greatly enhanced magic tricks, like a variant on the vanishing act (via a trap door), enhanced by using the camera's ability to cut and splice to add a skeleton to the scene until the vanishing lady reappeared. Then like any mad genius, he built a film studio and promptly dedicated himself to every genre of film he could think of. He was so successful that he pissed off known hack Thomas Edison, which of course in my book is all you need to be a suitable candidate for sainthood.

I'd like to say that Méliès invented the idea of making a film of a book, but even with the amount of research I have done into this subject (zero), I'm pretty sure that's not true. Nonetheless, in 1902 when he made La voyage dans la lune, turning books into film was a pretty new idea! Plus, Méliès took the time to turn multiple books into a single fifteen minute film, which is an idea that Disney's Marvel Studios won't be having until the 2040s, so he's way ahead of the curve.

The primary source of his inspiration is Jules Verne, the first Frenchman to write sci fi (probably; again, research is not what I'm interested in doing here), but possibly in honor of his journey across the Channel for film equipment, this film takes something from Englishman H. G. Wells as well (maybe the first English MAN to write sci fi but not the first English person). Both had written about the possibility of going to the moon, but hoo boy if this film is anything of an accurate adaptation neither one had the least clue how that was going to happen.

As the film is only fifteen minutes long, I'll summarize it scene-by-scene, which I certainly won't be doing going forward because fuck that. A bunch of old sage types with three pretty lady secretaries are having an astronomy meeting and one of them proposes going to the moon. All these characters apparently have names and crap but none of that was in the movie so I'm not going to go into that, especially since their names are very dumb. I want to say they're Barbershop, Nostalgia, Frisbee, Alpha, Microscope, and Paraphernalia?

So Barbershop (played by Méliès himself) takes over the chalkboard and says, "What if we built a cannon that's bigger than Greenland and shot a gigantic cannonball at the moon, wouldn't that be cool?" and everyone's like "Sure it's cool but is it in the budget?" and ultimately they decide that they can make it work as long as they don't spend any money on leggings for any women involved in the project so they take off their robes and wizard hats and put on badass longcoats and get to work...

...a phrase which here means have a bunch of other dudes build a gigantic capsule for them. Did I mention this film is in color? Méliès had it painted because color film obviously didn't exist in 1902 and let me tell you it's garish as hell. The capsule is red and everyone's in yellow or green depending on where they're standing and it keeps changing because of course handpainting frame-by-frame means no color is consistent from millisecond to millisecond.

So yeah we see there's this huge pit with smoke rising out of it and a thousand industrial buildings surrounding it and I think that's the launch site but when we get there everything's nicely horizontal and there's dozens of sexy babes who wait patiently for our "heroes" to load into the giant bullet and then they push it into the cannon. Everything is framed very much like it's still onstage; the cannon firing is technically a different scene that's clearly meant to be the same place just rotated 90 degrees and it would never work in theater but it does work for this medium. So they're fired out of a cannon and we see that the moon has a face and they crash into one of its eyes. If you've forgotten what that looks like...

Wait, this is from something that came out a hundred years later, but close enough. This one little bit is iconic and everyone rips it off, and honestly they're right to do so. I know that the man in the moon is a metaphor and I still find the image of us shooting his eye out to be hella iconic.

Our "heroes" get out of their bullet and are tired from the journey so they make camp, which is not to imply they set up tents because they don't. This might have made sense because of course the moon has no air and thus no weather, but they piss off some Greek Gods or something and get woken up by snow and have to hide in a mushroom cave, a position made somewhat untenable by the fact that their gear turns into more mushrooms.

And then an alien attacks! And you know, yeah it's a dude in a suit and it's all very silly. It's even more silly when it turns out that the smallest bit of blunt force causes the alien to explode in a puff of smoke. But I actually dig this bit! Hollywood is filled with silly costumes for dudes to wear and pretend their aliens and frankly they are all pale imitations of whatever the hell this Selenite was up to. He was alien despite having clearly human anatomy and I was digging his wild animal ways. Apparently he was played by an acrobat, so my advice to anyone wanting sci fi aliens is to get acrobats. Very sad he was smacked out of existence, frankly I was rooting for the other aliens that captured Barbershop and his buddies.

In the most realistic sequence of the movie, our white Frenchmen find themselves in the throne room of the non-white alien people and promptly enact a genocide against them, then flee. They then return to the capsule, and just as you're about to ask "Wait how can they get back, there's no giant cannon on the moon", it falls from a cliff into the Earth's ocean, so that's a giant cop-out. Well okay, I guess predicting an ocean return is pretty neat but still. The film ends in tragedy, with the French astronomers given a parade to celebrate their crimes while a single solitary alien is kept as a slave for the rest of his life.

No, seriously! This film is making fun of imperialism and I'm not just reinterpreting it with a cynical 21st century eye. I'm as surprised as you are. Barbershop and co. are consistently portrayed as vainglorious idiots who have no appreciation for the wonders of the world around them. Méliès worked for a leftist publication La Griffe before he got into film and the statue the "heroes" get at the end, with the alien turned into a bug-eyed monster, is right out of his earlier cartoons.

But does a message that resonates with me, a viewer entirely out of time, plus the invention and refinement of a variety of special effects techniques really make this movie worth of being one of the greats of all time? Well, Edison pirated it immediately, the goddamn bastard who had better be burning in hell, and so did half a dozen others. And the fact that it predates...

...sigh...

Birth of a Nation

...ugh...

...means that it's doing its own thing with its film techniques. Like I said, it feels like an attempt to directly turn theater into film, with just enough going on that it doesn't feel shackled to this. Sadly, Méliès himself didn't see this as his best film, and even more sadly the film he liked best is probably lost or at least only accessible in a storage closet in some BBC outpost in sub-Saharan Africa, but luckily for the picky watchers like me that film was a "serious historical drama" so that might be for the best.

After all, La voyage dans la lune is a spectacle. It's not meant to be an edifying experience or a serious exploration of the human condition, you're meant to appreciate the effects! And sure, the effects of 1902 are childlike gibberish compared to the magic of 2025 but dammit, if you aren't a spoiled brat you can appreciate what the magic was. Yeah, half the scenes have painted backdrops, but they try so hard to use props to make it all flow together so you don't notice (you do, but if you were a hundred years younger maybe you wouldn't). And bits like the astronomers standing atop the "buildings" as they get ready for the launch are fun!

In the early 1900s, film was hella new. Barely a decade before, an audience had been convinced that they were about to be killed by a movie about a train! Méliès produced a movie that is child-like, but it makes sense because no one knew how to make films yet. La voyage dans la lune is eclipsed (I'm not sorry) by many films that come after it, but so few of them would have been able to work at all if Méliès hadn't put in the work beforehand. So, in the grand scheme of things, I agree with the critics: this is absolutely one of the greats. It might even deserve a ranking higher than 458, which is where it ended up this year.

So, that's movie 1/1000. 999 to go, and I'll be honest up front and say that there's actually at least 1,000 to go even now because I will be damned if I skip movie 2 in a particular trilogy where movies 1 and 3 are on the list. If any other closely knit series like... well I won't tell you, but maybe you can guess... have intermediate films cut out, I'll put them in too, just to keep up.

But that's some ways off. Next time, we jump from 1902 to the next decade. Specifically, 1915. At least I'm getting it over with quickly! My next post in this series will be for Kavid Kark Kriffith's disgusting but tragically influential film Birth of a Nation.

Ugh.

[blade-liger-4ever]

Just saw this last night, and HOO-BOY, I LOVED IT!

So, I won't really get into the plot, at least for now, because I just gotta get the cast talked about first.

The casting of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief is perfect! Pierce Brosnen nailed Chiron, and I get the feeling he would have stolen more scenes if he'd had more screentime (the moment he said "Are you kidding? This is the best part", he became one of my favorite background characters.) The kid doing Percy made me really like the character; I never read the books until recently, and even then I skipped straight to the second arc where the Romans are involved, but even with this current book where Percy is a POV character, I did and do not care for him as much as Movie Percy. Kid was great, ten outta ten acting.

Annabeth struck me as far more interesting in the movie than the books. Heck, even before I read from her viewpoint she didn't interest me at all; in the movie, she's rather arrogant and snobbish, but it works in the character's favor and makes her far more compelling. The actress did great, and props to her for endearing Annabeth to me: that was a feat.

Grover was THE BEST of the trio, I will not take criticism. He protected Percy, took everything in stride, and figured out what they were dealing with on the fly easily - all without being Mr. Perfect and still being humorous (e.g. when they leave Medusa's severed and sunglasses-laden head in the hotel sink, Grover responds, "Guys, really? I cannot pee with her staring at me." Top notch comedy, I need more films with this actor.)

Sean Bean was good as Zeus. I don't have much to say about his part, honestly; he wasn't there much, but 1 he made Zeus tolerable, and 2 he had the most presence out of all the actors, with Kevin McKidd being a close, and I mean close, runner up.

Speaking of, Kevin McKidd, AKA Fenn Rau from Star Wars Rebels (and the big draw of this film for me), was. Absolutely. AWESOME.

And he only really had ten minutes in the film!

Seriously though, he played Poseidon so well. You could tell he was thousands of years old, still in his prime, and resisting every instinct to run over, hug Percy, and never let him go when they were within a hundred feet of each other. Even when all you could get from him in the movie was his voice, the care and urgency for his son's safety carried through beautifully.

The other actors - Hades, Persephone, the mortal actors in the background - they were all equally great. They made the characters likable, despicable, or somewhere in between. Bravo, people!

And then there's the second draw of this film for me: Jake Abel as Luke, son of Hermes, and the true lightning thief.

If there was ever anything that showed how much wasted potential the writers of Supernatural had when consistently throwing Jake Abel out the window after having him appear like six times in the show, this film was it.

He made Luke funny, likable, and mischievous, garnering the love of the audience, and then broke the hearts of those who liked him when he turned around and revealed he was an angry, hurt young man who wanted to overthrow the Olympians and take over in their stead in order to "right" their wrongs of being neglectful jerks (the only one who wasn't actually completely neglectful on purpose was Poseidon. My guy was trying his hardest to stay in touch with Percy and did everything he could to help him out.)

Jake Abel, I'm sincerely sorry you never got the next four films that should have come after Sea of Monsters, and even more sorry that you got so dissed in Supernatural. Consider this post of mine a letter of apology.

Okay, plot discussion time - well, at least the gushing of how it was handled.

So, setting up the whole war between the Olympians actually doesn't strike me as horribly handled. Yes yes, there's more "concrete" reasons for it in the book, but for the public who have never heard of these books, it's not all that farfetched. I mean, public opinion of Hades is always bad (I'm sorry Hades, you really don't deserve that rep), Poseidon doesn't particularly care for drama, and his mood tends to switch on a dime, and Zeus? Please, we all know how much of a jerk-butt he is. Be honest: Is it really all that hard to believe Zeus declaring war if his master bolt isn't returned in two weeks? And as for him jumping to the conclusion of Poseidon's son stealing it - just look at the opening scene of the film. The way Poseidon got physical that fast, and moments before was practically spitting venom at Zeus for banning him from seeing his son, it's no wonder Zeus thought Poseidon would've done something to make Percy steal it from him.

Now before you come at me, let me put it this way.

Think of yourself in Zeus' mindset. You're a capricious jerk, who won't take the blame, don't care for your offspring at all, and are constantly at odds with your brothers over power/territory struggles. Using your kid is gonna be as natural as breathing to you, so why wouldn't you assume your brothers would do the same? Hmm?

Now, the family and school drama was done excellently as well, especially that moment where one of the kids at the school grabs another and slams him against a locker while Percy and Grover make tracks. Gabe was perfectly detestable, and it was immensely satisfying to see Grover wallop his butt. The race to Camp Half-Blood was done well, although the Chevelle didn't deserve that fate (I will, however, accept the obvious fact that it only got dinged up and lost the hood. A modern day car would have exploded on impact with the ground and sent shrapnel everywhere.)

The scenes with the camp were good, especially how it was quickly yet subtly established that everyone there had lived there for some years and were already pros at combat and other physical activities. Hades' entrance was great, the progression across the country was well-paced, and Luke's help throughout was done neatly and in a manner where the audience only got a glimmer of resentment from him before the bolt was found in the shield.

Speaking of, the scene in the Underworld is severely underappreciated. The effects were grand, the acting well-done, and the positioning of the Underworld in Hollywood is genius on many levels.

The fight scene in Manhatten was good, though I confess Luke's aerial combat was a bit spotty at the beginning. Otherwise it was great, and the first show of Percy's powers was magnificent. No joke, that CGI and other effects are gonna hold up for another thousand years.

Olympus was beautiful, quite honestly, and I love 1 the sheer difference in scale they showed between the humans and the Olympians, and 2 how Poseidon "sheds" water to shrink and appear more normal. More effects that are spectacular and underrated.

The last scene - the return to camp and training - not much to say, other than that it felt really organic, natural, and beautiful. All in all, a great film that's unfairly hated on.

Okay, now for some personal gushing on my part.

So, I'm sure you guessed by now that I was here for Kevin McKidd, mostly because I knew him first in Star Wars Rebels. This is my first time watching him onscreen, but it was amazing and captivating on his part. Not only did he make me believe that he was the Greek god of the seas, but he made me feel Poseidon's pain of not being with Percy and his desire to connect with him, and he certainly made me believe that Poseidon would do anything in his power to help Percy, no matter what loophole abuse he had to commit lest raising Zeus' ire.

As for the dynamic itself, I'm so so happy.

I love how Poseidon risked so much to physically be at the museum while Percy was across the street from him, just to make sure that he could both warn Percy completely and see him in case something went wrong. And although it's a sore spot for the fans, I love how Chiron shows Percy his own little home at Camp Half-Blood, and outright states that Poseidon built it for him. Just Percy, no one else; that's like a father making a specific room for his son, and the fact that they allowed Poseidon to be shown to love Percy more than anything through little things like that is enough to make me burst in happiness.

I loved how Poseidon guided Percy to the water to heal him and give him a second wind in Capture the Flag, and that he woke up Percy and refused to let him be lulled back into the Lotus Eaters' trap until he was sure Percy was back to his senses and able to get out on his own. And when Percy's in the hall of Olympus, Poseidon is practically begging Zeus, his younger brother, to let him speak with Percy, because he knows a chance like this won't arise again for a while. And the sheer relief in his face when Zeus allows it, man, I could've died at that.

The talk between father and son, it was beautiful. It makes sense that Percy has some remaining resentment toward Poseidon for leaving, for not kicking out his stepfather, and the fact that Poseidon doesn't even hold it against him is wonderful. The moment he explains why he couldn't see Percy, and the second Percy realizes the law forbidding the Olympians from seeing their children had been passed because Poseidon loved him so much he was abandoning his duties is golden. And Poseidon telling him that he was always watching Percy and helping him as best he could, and how he promised to always be there for Percy, even in his thoughts and dreams - beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

And the icing on the cake? You remember that I mentioned a training round at camp at the end? It's between Percy and Annabeth, and they're on a hill, but guess what can be seen below the hill?

The lake.

Where Poseidon can watch his son training, and has an easier time of making contact with him.

This movie is a masterpiece, and if you're not a fan of the books and have never seen it before, please, go give Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief a watch! You won't regret it!

[giantchasm]

So I've seen a lot of people posting their Kirby fankids recently...

And so I figured I should finally try and post some of mine! I've had them for a while now, but I've been too lazy to talk about them on Tumblr. Let's change that by making a post about my favorite out of all of them... my special little princess... my beautiful skrunkly.

Everyone, I'd like you to meet Peony!

She is, of course, my Taransusie fankid. She came into existence because I was playing Tomodachi Life and I got attached Taranza offhandedly mentioned that it would be nice to have a family one day and Susie just kind of nodded along but her internal reaction was a strong 'ABSOLUTELY NOT.'

This reaction... unnerved her, to say the least. She didn't understand why she felt so strongly about this. It's not that she didn't like kids. She liked Kirby plenty! And so why...?

Oh stars, it had to do with her dad, didn't it?

Her own unfulfilled childhood. Her resentment for her father. A fear that inevitably she'd fail as a parent in the same exact ways he did.

Realizing this was what was holding her back, Susie proceeded to get extremely angry. Why the hell was her dad still influencing the decisions she was making? He was long gone! She wouldn't let him make her hesitant or boss her around. She wasn't afraid. She could do WAY better than him. In fact, she would make a great mom! She'd show him.

The next thing she knew she was holding a baby she'd grown in a test tube.

Susie pretty much immediately realized she fucked up the minute this thing started moving. She didn't have anything to take care of her. Not even a blanket to bundle her in. What was she THINKING? Did she seriously make a living being out of spite? Maybe that would have been acceptable during her ‘Yeah, sure. I’ll do whatever evil thing I want’ era. But now? It was pretty apparent she made a mistake that she couldn’t take back.

Thankfully Taranza was… mostly understanding? I mean, he was surprised, of course, and he had to be like “SUSIE. Never do something like this again. ESPECIALLY without talking to me about it,” but when she explained he understood why she reacted the way that she did. Plus, as unexpected as this all was, he pretty much instantly fell in love with little Peony.

Which is to say nowadays they’re a pretty happy family! Peony is 8ish and things are going great. That is… except for one teensy, weensy, SLIGHT problem.

There was an incident wherein Peony almost died, and following it, she’s started seeing ghosts. This would be alarming under ANY circumstances, but with her family especially?

…Hoo boy.

Further explanation under the cut, since this is long enough as is

First of all, I figure I should probably explain the circumstances of Peony’s near-death experience. It was all sort of a freak accident. One day, Susie had to perform some inspections at the Works Company, and no-one else was available to watch Peony, so she was just like, “Well. She’s a well-behaved kid. I’ll bring her along. What’s the worst that can happen?”

The ‘worst that could happen’ was her child being fed to an industrial meat grinder. All it took was looking away for ooooneeee second. Peony leaned a little too close to one of the company’s machines, fell, and the next thing Susie knew, she heard screaming.

She. Was. Horrified. She scrambled to shut off the machine, but it was too late. Peony was already hurt. Really hurt. She pulled her broken body from the machine, but there wasn’t much else she could do. She pretty much just had to call Taranza, explain what horrifying thing happened, and then wait for him, a person with actual experience using Soul and healing magic to get there before it was too late.

I cannot explain enough how distressing this was. Susie is someone who isn’t used to feeling helpless. She’s in control in pretty much every situation. But sitting there, holding her actively dying daughter, she had none of that usual control. Despite herself, she couldn’t let her mind wander back to that person. The one that she was thinking about when she first made Peony. She said she’d do better than he did, but…

If Peony were to die now, they’d be the exact same.

Even once Taranza arrived, they weren’t exactly out of the woods. He completely panicked, presented with the idea of losing another loved one, and his attempts to stabilize her were sloppy and desperate. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to find her spirit to tether back to her body with his magic. Was it… already too late?

That’s when it felt as if something was passed off to him. Her spirit practically shoved into the metaphorical hands of his mind’s eye. It didn’t make any sense— it felt as if someone had intervened, but he didn’t question it. He took the stroke of luck as it came, and just barely he was able to stabilize Peony.

…She was hurt, but alive.

When she came to, her family was relieved, but she revealed something strange. When she was on the brink between life and death, she swore she was helped by two mysterious strangers. They comforted her, helped her calm down, and helped her get back to her body.

She described them as a ‘pretty lady’ and a ‘funny old man.’

Taranza and Susie weren’t sure what to make of this. It… couldn’t be, could it? But from thereon out, Peony continued to see these strangers, as well as develop more spectral powers.

You see… Peony is half Neumann— the same species her mom is. Her mom doesn’t have any magic abilities thanks to her cybernetics, but archetypically the species is susceptible to being… overloaded with a certain type of magic, especially when in life or death situations. Look at the Mage Sisters, for example. When on the brink of death themselves, they ended up becoming one with the elements that nearly killed them.

It was the same for Peony. A perfect storm, really. The Arachnid’s predisposition for Soul magic combined with the Neumann’s ability to soak up magic made for a very unique set of circumstances. And so when her dad used Soul magic to heal her, and some spirits perhaps stepped in to save her life…

Peony was overwhelmed. She developed an unnatural connection to the dead.

That said, Peony’s ‘guardian angels’ weeereeennn’t exactly supposed to do what they did. The rules of life and death are very strict. Particularly powerful spirits are allowed to remain wandering if they have unfinished business, but they are NOT to mess with mortal lives.

The arbitrator of life and death was outraged. It said it should whisk the two of them to Hades for their audacity! But this, too, was something Peony overheard, and she rushed to intervene. She begged Morpho Knight not to punish the mysterious strangers who helped her. If if was her who was supposed to die, shouldn’t she have been punished instead? She said she’d take their place.

…She didn’t know they were her granddad and her father’s long lost friend at the time. She just knew they’d helped her out, even though they didn’t know her. She had to return the favor.

Morpho Knight tested her conviction. It made it seem as if it was really going to go through with reaping her, but when she didn’t back down, it relented. It… couldn’t whisk away an innocent child. Perhaps all the time spent watching over Kirby was making it go soft. It allowed Peony to have her way. Truthfully, with the abilities she developed, the boundary between life and death for her family was already going to thin anyways. It would watch and see where this went.

Nowadays, Peony and the ghosts are best friends. She’s learned of their origins, and given a bit of an ego boost from her unlikely survival, she’s promised one day she’ll bring them back to life. This is something that is NOT going to happen, but at the moment she’s convinced she’s invincible— that she has unique, unmatched power and can do anything she wants to.

Her parents are… hardly sure what to make of all this. It’s difficult to believe, really. But the more Peony talks about her brand new friends, the harder it is to deny her uncanny knowledge. And that means old wounds are reopening as they grapple with the complicated implications of the very flawed people they lost not only entering their child’s life but, in a way, reentering theirs.

…But that’s a story for another day. I figure I’ve probably talked enough. All you need to know is god complex spirit medium spider girl. I hope everyone else likes her as much as I do.

[woodchipp]

So, I've just read the third issue of the OMORI manga.

It's a joke.

SPOILERS BELOW.

The only change I liked is Kel paying off the storeowner (with Sunny's money lmao) so that she doesn't turn Kim in. That makes more sense than Kim and her brother fighting Sunny and Kel for no solid reason

The rest, though... hoo boy.

I don't think just mentioning the Hooligans' past criminal exploits like this has the same weight as the reader being shown one such exploit firsthand. Why not open the issue on a scene of Angel throwing eggs at a car/house before Kel stops him (with that threat to tell the entire town about the summer camp bed-wetting he used in the game, ig?) and learns Kim might know something about Aubrey's whereabouts? idk, if you want to use her gang, at least try to use them in a way that makes some sense

"Maybe you'll finally be able to learn something in juvy!!" Logically speaking, shouldn't have those "antics" earned all of them a stay at juvy at some point? lmao

oh I can tell the artist straight-up didn't bother lol. The whole point of the church fight is Aubrey getting publicly humiliated by a big crowd, and six people is hardly a big crowd

...Am I supposed to take his stare seriously?

This is a problem I had with the game as well, btw. The artstyle's too unfittingly cutesy for me to take anything in the plot seriously.

oh no who would've thought invoking Jesus Mari's name to someone who made it clear they still haven't moved on wasn't a good idea

Kel. why are you so shocked. what did you expect

(feat. Aubrey doing her best Sadako impression)

"No... that's not true..." IT'S BOWLSCHET! I DID NAHT HIT HER, I DID NAHT

So the six churchgoers shittalk Aubrey, Sunny inexplicably flashbacks to him and her playing on the swings (y'know, gotta feed the shippers somehow) and then we get the issue's absolute Peakest moment

This is literally infant behavior. Why try to apologize when she made it clear you hurt her? No, cover her ears so she won't hear the Meanies!

Besides, she could've... just covered her ears herself if she wanted to. She already heard what people think of her. Sunny's action is useless.

why does he look like he's been intentionally drawn to look as kawaii-desu as possible. why is the artstyle so dramatic compared to what's actually happening. what is this issue

1) Even Game!Kel, who is generally an insensitive moron, bothered to note he felt bad for Aubrey after she ran out of the church, even if he promptly forgot about her half a minute later. Manga!Kel doesn't see the need to.

2) Sunny passes out into Headspace from running too fast. peak

"It's almost like... something just took him away." "Wow... we truly live in a vast forest..."

can't wait for omori to say "it's omorin' time!" and then omori all over his fear of heights in the next issue

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 2

Episode 12: Text, Lies & Video

~Junk-N-Stuff~

Some people buy some seriously weird stuff. Take the lady in Junk-N-Stuff right now, she was buying some head. Not an actual head, a wax one, sculpted from a guy who looked strangely familiar.

"Okay, we hope your daughter enjoys that head." Henry smiled politely at the woman as she left the store. It was an odd purchase, but hey, she'd paid the full asking price, so everyone was happy.

"Oh, she is gonna love this." The woman told the boy as (y/n) and Charlotte cleaned up the cash register's counter

"And hey, if you get any more boys' heads in, please let me know." She smiled, freaking the employees out but they kept their discomfort hidden by nodding and smiling.

"You think I'm weird, don't you?" The woman said to them worried when she recognised their fake smiles.

"Yeah, we do." (y/n) deadpanned, looking up from the counter for a minute before walking out.

"Okay, and we are...closed!" Henry announced after showing the woman out and flipping the sign. God, it had been a long day and they were all just ready to wind down.

"Woo-hoo!" Charlotte cheered with the young woman next to her as Henry took out his gumball tube. Ugh, not this again. He had been begging Charlotte to take a video of him transforming into Kid Danger so he could see how it looked, but Charlotte, like (y/n), thought it was a dumb idea.

"Okay, are we ready to shoot the video?" He asked them, making their smiles drop.

"No, we're ready to shoot nothing." (y/n) told him, being firmly against the idea of keeping a video of Henry revealing his identity. If it got out, that would spell the end of Henry being Ray's sidekick.

"Oh, come on, just do it," Henry begged them, desperate to see if he looked cool or not. One little video wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Hey, look what I found." (y/n) fake gasped when she spotted the perfect prop under the counter.

"What?" Henry asked curiously and the two girls lifted an ornamental N and O, that spelt "NO". They thought it was funny, but Henry wasn't so amused. He had another strategy on his mind.

"Okay, what if Ray says it's okay?" The boy prompted, causing the girls to scoff. If (y/n) said no to something, Ray often did too since he was a big softie for her.

"Oh, you think Ray's gonna say it's okay? If (y/n) says no, then he will too." Charlotte pointed out, but Henry wanted to ask anyway. If you don't ask, you don't get. 

"Well, let's go ask him." The young woman and Henry said at the same time, thinking along the same lines. Ray was the boss, so he should get the last say.

"Jinx! You owe me a coconut!" They pointed at each other, giggling slightly at their silliness. Charlotte began to argue with Henry about how stupid he was being, which then made Henry argue back about how right he was and it snowballed from there.

"You know I'm right!" Henry yelled as (y/n) stood in the middle of them in the elevator, feeling pretty irritated at how they were screaming in her ears.

"Okay! Calm, everyone, calm! Just calm!" She screamed, stopping the kids from shouting, well, stopping them arguing. A trip in the elevator made them all yell in terror. 

~In the Man Cave~ 

Ray looked at the elevator in confusion as three frightened and noisy voices came down the shaft and crashed in his hideout. And the peace was ruined. 

Henry, Charlotte and (y/n) stumbled out from one, big heap, but the teens had resumed their argument whilst their older friend groaned.

"I think I bruised my elbow." She whined but perked up quickly when the purple blemish healed over sharpish. She still wasn't used to having a superpower, but she wasn't complaining. Seeing it in action made her smile every time.

She shuffled over to Ray and gave him a quick hug as Henry and Charlotte continued to bicker. It had been a whole two hours since they'd last seen each other and they were starting to get withdrawal symptoms - silly lovebirds. They parted and looked to the kids in amusement.

"Oh, Henry, I'm sorry, you were right and I was wrong. Jinx, you gotta buy me a coconut!" They kept jinxing each other and it was hilarious for Ray to watch as he wrapped his arms around his girl and rested his chin on top of her head. Their overlapping speech made the teens break apart and glower at Ray, expecting him to decide who was the winner.

"What's the beef, jerkies?" He asked, making (y/n) giggle at his pun. He loved making her laugh.

"Okay, get this. Henry wants me to shoot a video of him blowing one of his bubbles and transforming into Kid Danger so that he can watch the video and see what it looks like." Charlotte explained succinctly, hoping that having (y/n) on her side would mean Ray wouldn't allow it. 

"Insane, right?" The young woman looked up at him, ignoring the way the funny angle made her neck ache. She wouldn't complain, he had his arms around her waist, she didn't want that to stop.

"Oh my god!" Ray exclaimed, making the girls think he agreed with them. Maybe he wasn't as dumb as he let on.

"Right?" Charlotte agreed, but her smile fell when he jumped ship and gave Henry his approval and worse.

"Can we do it together?" He asked the boy, making Henry laugh in success and (y/n) break out of his arms so she could stand with Charlotte.

"Yeah!" Henry cried as he and Ray slapped their hands together.

"Can't believe I've never thought of transforming into Captain Man on video, so I can see what it looks like!" The large man chuckled, ignoring how empty his arms were since (y/n) had left them. 

"Right? Let's do it together, now!" Henry told him, both of them thinking it was a fantastic idea.

"Hey, what part of "insane" don't you guys get? You can't do this! What happens if it gets out?" (y/n) asked them seriously, folding her arms and frowning at her best friend. This could ruin his whole livelihood, did he really want to risk that?

"Why you always gotta say no?" Henry whined at her, which made the girls raise their eyebrows. They were just trying to protect them from disaster.

"You don't wanna be the party of no." Ray joked, but (y/n) didn't laugh, even though he was trying to sweeten her up. She was dead set against this.

"That's not a fun party," Henry added, irritating them further.

"Well, I'm sorry if we're the only ones around here who actually who actually think things through." Charlotte sassed them, making (y/n) high-five her for her excellent comeback. The males often acted without thinking first and it was always them that they went crying for help.

"Name one time that I didn't think something through." Ray scoffed, making his best friend chuckle sarcastically. She could think of a million examples of when he'd screwed up over the years and needed her to bail him out. 

"Oh, ho-ho! Okay, what about the time when there was that fly on the elevator door?" She smirked at him, her and Charlotte vividly remembering the chaos he caused over one stupid fly.

"I don't remember any fly." The man said vaguely, looking around suspiciously as he avoided eye contact. Okay, yeah he may or may not have overreacted that time, but it wasn't that bad...

~Flashback~

Henry was sitting with the Man Cave's resident adults on the couch, laughing with them at how funny the sitcom they were watching was. It was an oldie, but a goodie. (y/n) had taken it as a good opportunity to take her favourite position, snuggled into Ray's side and he happily put his arm around her. He loved taking time to just chillax with her like this, it was the best way to spend a lazy afternoon. No responsibilities, no crimes, just his love, good friends and a good show.

As (y/n) was giggling into his shoulder, Charlotte was dashing around the room with a flyswatter, trying to a pesky fly that really getting on her nerves. Splat! Dang it, why'd the fly have to be so fast?

"Hey, has anyone seen where the fly went?" She asked her friends as she lost sight of her prey. Everyone turned around to have a quick look for the fly, even though Ray was grumpy that his little snuggle session with (y/n) had been interrupted. 

"Oh, there it is! On the elevator door." Henry pointed out and Charlotte got herself ready to kill it once and for all, but Ray, wanting to get it over with completely so he could have five minutes peace with his girl, decided that a measly flyswatter wasn't going to cut.

"Hang on, I got it." He said, picking up a large laser blaster from next to him and (y/n), making the girl look at him in horror.

"Ray, what are you doing? Think about this---" He fired before she could finish or stop him, the plasma melting through the door as Charlotte ducked for cover. Everyone looked at him with irritated faces as the metal of the elevator floor cooled, revealing that they now had a huge hole in it.

Ray guiltily slid back around in his seat, hoping that by some miracle the young woman next to him wouldn't have seen his blunder and would just cuddle into him again. But, she had, and like Charlotte, she was pissed.

"Great, more work. Why don't you think these things through?" She chastised him, hitting the back of his head in a pissed-off slap. She had been enjoying being so close to him, but now, it was over since she had to solder the door back up. Dumb Ray.

~End of Flashback~

"Remember it cost four thousand dollars to repair that elevator door?" Henry giggled, despite the serious matter. It was a hell of a lot of money and it meant that for a month they had to decrease their budget in other areas. Way to go, Ray.

"Yes, and can you all remember that we are not made of money? And I'm not soldering anything else for the next six months!" (y/n) snapped, the bad memory irritating her into a grouchy mood. Couldn't he just listen to her for once? Even if he didn't listen to her trying to tell him she loved him, she wished he'd just listen to her as a friend.

"And you missed the fly," Charlotte recalled, adding even more bitterness to the situation. Four thousand bucks for nothing, Ray really knew how to push everyone's buttons.

"Eh, I get the message." He conceded, wanting to get on his best friend's good side as she frowned grumpily. He hated it when she was annoyed with him, it always resulted in him following her around like a needy puppy until she gave in and let him hug her.

"Okay, come on, let's shoot the video," Henry told Ray, eager to get this thing done so he could see how cool he was as Kid Danger.

"Here, use my phone." The boy passed it to Charlotte as the woman next to her folded her arms. 

"Yeah, all right." The girl sighed, opening up the PearPhone's camera and directing it at the two superheroes. She knew it was gonna go wrong, but she was too tired to argue anymore and she didn't want a full-blown argument to erupt between Ray and (y/n). That wouldn't be fun for anyone.

"Hey, how's my hair?" Ray asked his friends as he fiddled around with it a bit, hoping his flexing arms would dazzle (y/n) into smiling at him. He just wanted her happy, and if this video could impress her, maybe she'd love him just enough to see that he was desperate to be her guy.

"Perfect." The young woman answered honestly, thinking she'd never seen him with unperfect hair. His plan worked, his gorgeous appearance did melt her anger, but she wouldn't let him see how it turned her into a puddle of goo. Her face twitched into a soft smile, indicating subtly that she wasn't angry, just not happy with the situation.

"I know. Why'd I even ask?" Ray gulped, quickly using humour to hide his flustered reaction to how her eyes sparkled when she told him that. One look and he was the puddle of goo, his heart burning at the knowledge that she thought he looked good. It was like Christmas all over again.

"Hey, your sister just texted you," Charlotte told Henry, working through whatever tension was stirring up between the two adults. Instances like this were getting more and more frequent and Charlotte predicted it was only a matter of time before someone made a move.

"What's she want?" The boy asked as he and Ray got his gum ready.

"She says, text me that pic where I look great and Marla looks like a frog, right now." (y/n) read out from over Charlotte's shoulder, seeing that Piper was caught up in some stupid preteen drama.

"Just ignore it," Henry instructed them, so Charlotte rejected the notification and rotated the camera so she'd get the widest angle.

"Okay, recording." She told them with a sigh as the boys chewed their special gum.

"Ready?" Henry asked Ray.

"Yeah, let's get busy, yo. Then, watch the video." He replied, his silly rhyme making Henry and (y/n) giggle, but the woman tried to keep a stern face.

"Dork." She stuck her tongue out at him, but he could see that she was trying to stop herself from laughing. God, he loved that laugh.

"Oh, the rhymes." Charlotte looked off in disgust as she was less amused than everyone else. Henry and Ray started to blow their bubbles carefully, before snapping into their Captain Man and Kid Danger costumes. Charlotte tapped the "stop recording" button on Henry's phone and the two buys dashed over so they could watch it.

"Come on, let me see it!" Ray squealed excitedly, but Henry wasn't happy with that arrangement.

"No, I get to see it first." He told his boss, who frowned at the suggestion. He was the boss, so he thought that he should be the one to watch the video. 

"I'm Captain Man," Ray argued, using his elevated position in the ranks to gain some ground. To (y/n), it always sounded funny to hear him call himself by his official title. Of course, she knew that he was the famed superhero, after eight years working for him she'd never forget that, but to her, he was just Ray. Sweet, charming, funny Ray. Still, she'd be branded a liar if she said that she didn't find Captain Man unbelievably hot and the fact that he was her best friend, no one else, made her feel so special.

"It's my phone." Henry reminded him, thinking that it was his property, so he should get the first viewing.

"It's my phone." Ray mocked him in a dumb voice, causing (y/n) to roll her eyes. This really wasn't worth an argument.

"Hey, doofus, why don't you and Henry watch it together?" She hinted to him, making his head snap to her.

"Watch it together, oh yeah, let's do that." He corrected his silly accent when she gave him a pointed look and bent his head down to look at Henry's phone. 

"Videos...ah!" Henry was searching for the video when he received yet another text from his sister. She always annoyed him when he was in the middle of something.

"Why won't Piper stop texting me about the stupid pic of her and Marla?" Henry groaned, even though there was a very simple solution to his problem.

"Just send your sister the pic she wants so she'll stop interrupting us," Ray told him, so Henry nodded and sent an attachment to his sister, only it wasn't the right thing...

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I did not just do this! No, no, no, no, no!" He screamed, making his friends look at him in worry.

"Kid, what's wrong?" Ray asked as he and (y/n) gazed at the panicking boy.

"Henry, what?" Charlotte asked too, thinking that he'd done something stupidly bad, and he had.

"Is it my hair?" Ray asked worriedly, praying to God that he hadn't been walking around his messy hair in front of (y/n). He couldn't present himself as sloppy or untidy to her, she'd never go out with him and would probably go off with some dude who had outstanding hair.

"Raymond, stop worrying about your hair." The young woman hit him on the arm, thinking that he could sit in a tornado and still have the most gorgeous brown locks she'd ever seen. 

"I just--I texted the video to Piper." He breathed out nervously, feeling so scared that he was sure he was gonna pass out.

"...WHAAAAAAT?!!!!!" Ray, (y/n) and Charlotte screamed in horror as they all looked at the sidekick with wide eyes. The girls had tried to warn them and they weren't that surprised that shit had gone wrong because of the stupid video.

"Come on, come on, come on. Piper, answer your phone." Henry mumbled to himself as he and his friends started to pace the Man Cave. He needed to phone Piper and tell her to throw her phone into a volcano or something. Anything that would stop her from seeing that damn video was okay in their books.

"What are you gonna do if she saw the video?" (y/n) hissed, anxiously clutching Ray's arm as they paced. Her nerves were on end and she was fairly certain this was the worst thing that could've happened to them. If word got out that Ray was Captain Man, she'd probably have to leave him and that made her sick to her stomach.

"She'll probably show it to everybody!" Ray exclaimed, also feeling terrified at the thought of their identities being exposed. This was his home, his livelihood. With everything out in the open, everything would be in danger, especially (y/n) and he had promised himself that even with her super-healing, she'd never come to harm.

"Ooo, what happens if she posts it online?" Charlotte questioned too, feeling the pressure of the situation she found herself in. Why did she let them shoot that damn video?

"Ooo, how old is she?" Ray asked, not realising how their incessant questions were freaking Henry out even more.

"I don't know, I know, I don't know, ten!" The stressed boy answered each question, but his heart elevated with delight when another call came in.

"What?" Ray looked at his sidekick's changing expressions, fearing the worst.

"Is it Piper?" (y/n) asked hopefully, her grip on Ray's bicep like iron, but he didn't mind. He never minded any touch from her.

"No, Jasper's calling me," Henry replied, making Ray cringe in frustration. He found himself eternally angry with the dumb bucket kid since he always interfered when they were in deep shit.

"Jasper?" He growled as Henry answered the call, making (y/n) gently rub his back to calm him down. They already had enough emotion going on, they didn't need more.

"Hello?" Henry said, hearing how Jasper was at his house, which Henry wasn't expecting.

"What are you doing at my house?" He asked in confusion, so Jasper told him that he went over to talk about their chemistry homework and Henry realised that he was in the perfect place to swipe Piper's phone and delete everything that could screw him and Ray over.

"Please, shut up!" He interrupted his friend, overcoming how rude he sounded. Jasper would understand, hopefully.

"Ask him if he's seen Piper!" (y/n) whispered to him, making him shush his friends as he tried to keep Jasper from knowing that something was up.

"Have you seen Piper?" He asked the curly-haired boy, who replied saying that she'd gone upstairs to take a shower. 

"Oh, thank God." Henry breathed out a sigh of relief at the news. That meant she wouldn't have seen the incriminating evidence.

"Hey, hey, hey, where's Piper's phone?" The kid interrupted Jasper's confusion and was ecstatic to learn that his sister had left her phone downstairs to charge with her mom's phone. Result.

"It's there charging next to my mom's phone." Henry relayed the information to Ray, Charlotte and (y/n), making Ray smirk at the mention of the blonde.

"Oh, your mom?" He said, trying to keep up his playboy appearance, despite his heart yelling at him that he felt nothing for the woman.

"Stop that." Henry scolded his boss in disgust when he noticed how his comments about his mother made (y/n) swallow her sadness and blink back a few tears. God, she hated that she always let his flirting get to her and sometimes, she wondered what it was that she felt for him. Surely, love couldn't hurt this much?

"She hasn't seen it yet?" Henry smiled excitedly when 'Jasper told him that Piper hadn't checked her messages. This was perfect. 

"Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!!" He fist-pumped the air in celebration, making his friends wonder what the big deal was.

"Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no! Do not hang up the phone!" He pleaded with Jasper when the boy was saying goodbye. Things were getting too weird, even for him.

"Jasper, if you've ever been my friend, if you've ever cared about me, even a little bit, okay, then bring Piper's phone to me at Junk-N-Stuff right this second, no matter what." Henry gave him the all-important instructions.

"Hurry!" He encouraged Jasper once he had agreed to help him. It was all a matter of waiting and praying now. Ray looked at the kid expectantly, desperate to hear what had been said.

"Okay, he's on his way," Henry told them, causing them to all sigh and let go of most of the stress. This was good, they just needed to wipe that phone and everything would be great. Well, it would great when they killed the new fly that had appeared in the Man Cave. 

"Oh, man. The fly's back!" Charlotte groaned, trying to grab the fly with her bare hands, but it was too small and too quick. Thinking that this situation called for drastic measures, Ray raised his gun in preparation to shoot the thing again, but (y/n) saw him and scowled before he could cause any more damage.

"Fire that thing and I'm moving out." She threatened him and he immediately threw the gun back on the cabinet. He could put up with the annoying hum of a fly, but not the absence of his sweet girl, the idea terrified him.

"Let's just go wait for Piper up in Junk-N-Stuff," Charlotte said, and they agreed that they should be up there preparing for the second that Jasper decided to walk through the door. 

~Upstairs, 10 minutes later~

Having grabbed a few bags of popcorn, the four friends had made the journey up to the shop and were now nervously waiting for Jasper to get there. The popcorn was both a blessing and a mistake; it took their minds off the situation, but also meant that they were rapidly shovelling fistfuls into their mouths.

"Stop hogging the bag!" (y/n) whined at Ray as he held their shared bag, needing the sweet taste of the popped snack to settle her rampant nerves. 

"I am not hogging," Ray told her with a pouty face, letting her take a large handful so she could snack and pace independently. 

"Where's Jasper?" Charlotte snapped at Henry, making him jump and spill his popcorn everywhere. Ray and (y/n) turned around to see what the commotion was about before fixating their focus on the door again.

"He's on his way here," Henry told her in an annoyed tone, disheartened that he had no more popcorn to munch.

"Hey, you're cleaning that up." The young woman said as she turned away from the door and inspected the mess on her squeaky clean floors. She'd had enough work for one day.

"Well, what if he watches the video?" Ray asked Henry, brushing over his best friend's interruption.

"He can't Piper's got a passcode on her phone, there's no way—" Henry was cut off as Jasper burst into the shop, sweaty and exhausted from his sprint to the shop. 

"I—I bro—I brought—oh, God..." He panted as his lungs and limbs felt like they were on fire. His lack of words infuriated Ray, who just wanted the damn phone.

"Speak, boy!" He shouted angrily as the kids joined in on his interrogation.

"Do you have Piper's phone?"

"Where's the phone?" Henry and Charlotte asked in urgent voices, making Jasper fumble in his pocket.

"I—-phewwwww!" He tiredly lifted what he thought to be Piper's phone and everyone relaxed, sighing as the tension left their bodies.

"Hallelujah." (y/n) smiled, but it soon fell when Piper came running into the store with wet hair and pyjamas. Oh, shit, she knew that Jasper had taken her phone.

Ray and (y/n) tried to calm her down as she jumped onto Jasper back and attempted to attack him, making Henry and Charlotte cringe at her viciousness.

"Piper, sweetheart, let go! The young woman begged the girl and she and Ray grabbed her arms and the teens grabbed her feet. They were hoping they could yank her off and after (y/n)'s gentle pleading, she finally relented.

"Okay, okay, okay, you need to calm down," Henry ordered his sister, but she just snarled in response. 

"He jacked my phone!" She hissed, glowering at the curly-haired boy as he rubbed his sore neck.

"I was told to!" He revealed to her, causing Piper to look at him angrily.

"By who?" She asked, demanding that he tell her so she could rip their heads off.

"Look, the important thing is that we have it," Ray said, trusting that (y/n)'s friendship with Piper would help to keep her from screaming at him. She was one of the only adults Piper respected and he was more than willing to exploit that.

"Why is that important? Wait..." Piper squinted at the device in Ray's hand and all her anger disappeared when she realised she had nothing to be angry about.

"That's not my phone." She said, making everyone look at it with horrified expressions. Henry rushed over to inspect it and on a closer look, realised she was telling the truth.

"This is my mom's phone." He growled at Jasper as the sinking feeling returned to his stomach. 

"What?!" He yelled, snatching it out of Henry's hand so he could see it.

"What?!" Ray did the same, yanking the phone into his own hands. Just like that, they were neck-deep in trouble again.

"You grabbed the wrong phone?" Charlotte hissed. They'd gone to so much effort to get it here and it was all for nothing.

"You had one thing to do, kid. One thing!" Ray told Jasper in a whiny, strained tone, grabbing him by the shirt to emphasise his point, until (y/n) stepped in and got him to let go. 

"Ray, put the boy down." She instructed him flatly, her anxiety now going through the roof.

"I thought you cared about me." Henry sniffed at Jasper, pretending to be upset because he wanted Jasper to feel bad after his colossal mistake.

"I do! She was all over me, I'm sorry!" He whimpered for forgiveness, but Ray suddenly had a brain wave. If Mrs Hart's phone was here, then...

"Wait, Henry, if that's your mom's phone, then Piper's phone is..." He trailed off as the penny dropped for everyone else.

"Still at my house." Henry breathed out, looking at his sister briefly before madly sprinting out of the store. Hopefully, his long legs would get him there before Piper skinned him alive.

"Henry! Leave my phone alone!!!!" She shouted as she ran after him, leaving Ray and (y/n) alone with the two remaining teens.

"Feel how sweaty I am," Jasper told Charlotte, who just frowned in repulsion at the thought of touching his slimy skin.

"No, thank you." She retorted, sloping off to behind the till as the adults quietly tittered about their situation.

"If she catches him, she'll kill him." (y/n) told her best friend whilst she played with her sleeve. A nervous habit that told him that she needed his support.

"He'll be fine." He reassured her gently, bringing her into a hug so he could hold her against his chest. She gratefully buried her nose into the soft material of his shirt and prayed that he was right. Everything was resting on Henry's shoulders.

~Henry's house~

Password, password, what's Piper's damn password? Her birthday, maybe? Damn, if Henry could only remember it. What if he just tried the easiest combination in the world?

"One, two, three, four." Henry punched in the code and growled in frustration when the phone rejected it with a firm vibration. 

"HENRY!" The boy paled when he heard his sister's angry voice call from the porch. Think, think, think! Henry spotted the food grinder in the sink and an idea sprung into his mind. It was evil, but sometimes you have to do bad things for a good cause.

"Oh, hey, Piper, whoops!" Henry waited until his sister was in the kitchen and then dropped her phone into the sink, causing Piper to gasp in shock.

"Did you just drop my phone down the sink?" She asked, even though she'd seen him do it with her own eyes. 

"Yeah, but it was an accident." Henry lied and when Piper stepped forward to reclaim her most prized passion, Henry switched on the grinder, effectively obliterating her phone to smithereens. 

"Hey...that's not the light switch." He trailed off, trying to excuse what he had done. He felt bad when his little sister teared up, but the problem was over and his secret identity was safe, right?

"I am gonna kill you!" She growled in a throaty voice, her heart breaking as she mourned her beloved phone. Well, she would've killed him if Mr Hart hadn't interrupted her murderous intentions.

"Henry just put my phone in the garbage disposal and turned it on!" Piper snitched to her dad when he asked them what the horrendous noise was that he had heard from upstairs.

"Dad, why would I intentionally put my little sister's phone in the garbage disposal and then do this?" Henry demonstrated what he had done, shredding the last few remnants of Piper's phone. 

"That's just not something I'd do intentionally, y'know?" He supplemented his lie, using his status as the family's golden child to his advantage. 

"I know, son." Mr Hart nodded, making Piper blanch in anger. She hated that her dad believed her brother over her, just because she was a little/very prickly sometimes.

"And anyway, it doesn't even matter." Mr Hart told her, confusing Henry.

"Why doesn't it even matter?" He asked, feeling puzzled. Had he missed something?

"Well, your mom and I wanted to wait until your birthday next week, but happy early birthday." Mr Hart presented a brand new PearPhone to his daughter. At least Henry knew when her birthday was now. 

"You got me the new PearPhone? Oh my god, I love this!" The little girl beamed at her father before he left the siblings alone.

"Y'see Piper, everything's great," Henry said to her, thinking that everything had fallen into place.

"No, because it's been over a month since I backed up my old phone so I lost everything since then." She rolled her eyes, feeling gutted that she'll have lost all her unsaved pics and data, unlike Henry, who did a mini fist-pump at the news. He hadn't even thought of backups to the Cloud and was more than relieved to learn that the video wouldn't have been safely stored.

"You haven't lost everything from your old phone, remember? Your mom set it so that your phone automatically backs up to the Cloud." Mr Hart said from the other side of the kitchen. Oh god, what did he mean it automatically backed up? That would mean that the video was still around.

"Oh yeah, the Cloud!" Piper giggled happily, not seeing how Henry's face paled in horror.

"The Cloud..." He gulped, running out of the house to the porch. He didn't care that his family looked at him weirdly, he just needed to talk to Ray and (y/n) so he could get some expert advice.

"Come on, come on come on..." Henry impatiently tapped his foot as he waited for someone to pick up his call.

"Henry!" Ray suddenly appeared over his wrist as he sprinted to the computer. 

"Did you get your sister's phone away from her?" He asked quickly, feeling the pinch of an hour's anxious wait with (y/n) in his arms. Despite the calming scent of her perfume and shampoo, he couldn't help his rapid heartbeat.

"Yeah, but I need to talk to Charlotte and (y/n)," Henry told him, knowing that they'd have some ideas on hacking into the cloud and stopping all hell from breaking loose.

"Oh...Charlotte, (y/n/n). Someone wants you and not me." Ray told the girls with a disappointed pout. He hated it when he couldn't help and wasn't wanted since he was always wanted as Captain Man.

"Aw, don't feel bad, doofus." Henry heard (y/n) comfort him as she and Charlotte walked to the hologram machine, but he didn't get to see the loving kiss she planted on his cheek or the way Ray turned tomato-red as a result.

"Hey, Henry." Charlotte greeted for both of them as they stood to talk to the boy. Ray just slithered to the couch to fan his hot cheeks and burning loins. 'Gotta keep it under control, she's not yours.' He reminded himself, ignoring the way his heart tightened painfully when he thought about how he'd never be the one to keep her safe, treat her right or wait for her to walk down the aisle.

"Guys, listen if Piper lost her old phone and then she got a new phone..." He started, the girls listening intently to his question.

"Yeah..." Charlotte mumbled to indicate her attention.

"When she restores her data from the Cloud, would she get everything back?" He asked, hoping that the answer would be good.

"Well, yeah. If her old phone was set to back up automatically." (y/n) told her, rolling her eyes when Ray came up behind her and listened to their conversation.

"I could've told you that." He said, poking his head into the hologram, annoying (y/n) as he barged his way in. 

"Get out of it, Raymond!" She complained, pushing his face away so they could concentrate on Henry's phone.

"What about text messages she hasn't read yet? Texts, pics, videos?" He asked further, worrying when (y/n) and Charlotte looked at each other in concern.

"Oh no, she'd get everything back!" Charlotte realised in fright, the butterflies returning to her stomach. 

"Dang it!" Henry cursed as Ray heard the bad news and came back over.

"This is bad. This really, really bad." Charlotte said, more to herself than anyone else.

"You guys shouldn't have let me and Henry shoot that video," Ray said, making the females look at him in outrage. What the...the cheek! 

"You dick, Raymond Manchester! We told you not to do it, but nooooo, you knew best and you ignored everything we said. I said specifically that the idea was insane!" (y/n) growled at him in fury, pissed off that he dared to put the blame on them.

"You did not make that clear." The large man gulped as he faced her wrath, regretting his playful words when she gave him a look that could kill. 

"Guys, what do I do?" Henry interrupted, needing advice quick.

"Okay, uh, just wait for her phone to finish loading and then get her phone away from her and delete that video from her phone and the Cloud." (y/n) told him simply, to which Charlotte agreed. It was a solid plan, but it would be a nightmare taking away Piper's new phone. 

"Okay, delete the video from her phone and the Cloud, got it. I'll just wait until she's done with—ahhh!" Henry snapped his watch shut when one of his neighbours came over to ask him about his watch. How was he meant to get out of this one?

"Oh...I, uh..." He stuttered when she asked about seeing the hologram of Charlotte and his crazy boss's not-girlfriend. He couldn't think of a plausible explanation, so he just went for the easiest option of shooting her with a laser to make her fall unconscious. Poor Mrs Hendricks.

"Man, this is really not my day." He said to himself before grabbing Mrs Hendricks ankles so he could hide her sleeping body. It looked unbelievably suspicious and he was praying that no one else would come to the porch.

"Henry, what are you doing out there?" He heard his dad call from the living room, making him gulp as he started to pull Mrs Hendricks away.

" Uh, just looking at the super-moon! Wow, what a moon, it's totally super!" He lied, cringing at how his neighbour's head was scraping on the ground. He was right, this had been a terrible day.

~

Okay, Piper was sitting at the kitchen table, giggling at some dumb video as her phone downloaded all of her old data. Creeping over from the kitchen counter, Henry slowly made his way to Piper, swallowing the lump in his throat that was forming. She'd hate him for this and if she caught him, he wouldn't live to tell the tale, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Grabbing an orange from the counter, he innocently peeked over at her phone and noticed that eighteen per cent of the data had been downloaded and it was increasing with every passing second.

"Good evening." He said ingenuously when she looked up at him in suspicion. She got the feeling that he was up to something and it put her on edge.

"Why are you standing there staring at me?" She asked him in a judgy tone.

"Oh, um...I was just curious as to how long it takes to set up the new PearPhone, 'cause I was thinking of getting one. So, I'm just observing... the process." He lied, making her suspicions grow even more.

"Just stay away from me and my new phone. I don't want it going in the garbage disposal." She snapped, making Henry laugh to diffuse the tension.

"That was just a freak accident." He chuckled as Piper's face remained emotionless.

"Yeah, freak." She sassed, just as the doorbell sounded. It was Jasper, returning his mom's phone after he had taken it to Junk-N-Stuff, only he was scared stiff to enter the Hart's house since Piper was still pissed about him nicking her phone. She definitely wasn't over it either, so she threw an apple at his head, knocking the poor kid to the floor. Another "freak" accident. 

~

The wait was agonising and Henry kept having to do stuff so he'd appear to be busy and not loitering around his sister. He boiled cereal, pickles, bread and root beer into a disgusting sludge that filled the house with a putrid smell. He had even managed to get shuffle under the table and tie Piper's leg to her chair in preparation for his great escape. 

Henry stirred above the pot absentmindedly, proffering to focus on her new phone as the download counted down. 97, 98, 99, 100! It was time, so Henry grabbed a cereal container and sprang into action.

"Hey Hen, what—" She started, not seeing him stalking towards her. He gathered all his courage and tipped the contents of the container all over Piper, taking advantage of her shock to snatch the PearPhone from her hands. 

"HENRY!!!" She screamed in anger as she lost her phone again and went to stand up, but was tripped up as her tied leg made her stumble. Henry could feel his adrenaline kicking in as he sprinted as fast as his skinny legs could carry him, hoping he'd have enough of a head start to reach Junk-N-Stuff before Piper wriggled out of the rope and chased after him. This time she really would murder him, so he needed to haul ass all the way to the shop.

~Junk-N-Stuff~

"No, no, to sound like him, you gotta do it more from your throat," Ray told Charlotte as he and (y/n) manned the cash register. They weren't expecting any customers, but they needed something to do whilst they waited for Henry. Plus, the tight space gave them an excuse to stand close to each other, so it was a win-win situation. 

"I am Schwoz." Ray said in his silly 'Schwoz' voice, making (y/n) giggle as she took a seat in his lap so she could check her book of figures. Ray happily let her lean her back into his chest, ignoring the smirk that Charlotte gave him as one hand settled on her thigh to keep her steady. The young woman gulped and clutched her pencil tightly as his touch lit a fire inside her, making her use every fibre of her being to keep herself from whimpering.

"I am Schwoz." The young girl tried to copy his accent, but it wasn't up to his standard. It didn't have the same "Schwoz" quality to it, so it just didn't feel quite as good.

"You gotta put more gravel in your throat, like, I am Schwoz, hehe, my sister, she looks like a horse." He showed her how to do it, loving the way the woman in his lap's shoulders shook as she giggled whilst doing her math. She couldn't concentrate when he was making her laugh or when he unconsciously slid his hand further up her leg so it sat mind thigh. God, it was like he was trying to kill her.

"I am Schwoz, hehe, my sister, she looks like a horse." Charlotte tried her best, but it just sounded like she had a sore throat.

"Eh, not everyone can do voices." The large man said, offending her slightly. She thought her voice was good, but they moved on quickly when Henry burst into the store, panting and groaning from his running.

"I got it. I got Piper's new phone, but she's right behind me." He said, making (y/n) abruptly stand from Ray's lap and walk around to where Charlotte was. He whined inwardly as his body turned cold, but he pretended to be fine since he'd die on the spot if she found out how he felt for her. He had been through several nightmares of him confessing to her accidentally. He'd always woken up in a cold sweat when she laughed cruelly in his face and walked away to some super hot bodybuilder guy. He had been particularly gloomy the next day and had been tiptoeing around her all day since he was terrified his dream would become reality.

"Here, delete the video of me and Ray transforming," Henry told Charlotte as he passed the phone to her.

"Why didn't you just delete it at your house?" Charlotte asked as she unlocked the phone. Surely, that would have been easier than traipsing all the way to Junk-N-Stuff.

"I deleted it from her phone, but I don't know how to delete it from the Cloud," Henry said, making the girls smirk.

"Nobody knows how to delete stuff from the Cloud." Ray groaned, slamming his hand down onto the counter in annoyance.

"The Cloud has a mind of her own!" Henry agreed, causing (y/n) to roll her eyes.

"Okay, boys, calm down. We know how to delete stuff, so give Charlotte a sec." The woman told them, trying to keep them calm in the last few seconds.

"Henry!!" They all froze when they heard Piper's furious screams from outside the shop. Oh god, she'd made it.

"Ohhh, here she comes! Watch out, boy, she'll chew you up." Ray quivered, fearing the wrath of the little girl despite his indestructibility. She was a scary child.

"Okay, okay, me and (y/n) will stall her, you hide in the back until you get the video off the Cloud." Henry quickly thought so Charlotte dashed into the back as (y/n) panicked.

"How am I meant to stall her?" She hissed at Henry as he pulled her into position. He was her brother, she had barely any connection or ammo to use to quell her anger.

"She's liked you ever since you took her to the movies and she became President of the Man Fans," Henry explained, making her blush slightly at the new information.

"Well, she's actually a sweet girl when you get to know—Oh hey, Piper!" She turned her flustered state into a cool smile as she greeted the enraged child that stormed into the shop.

"Hey, Piper," Henry said too, but he came out much more fearful.

"I'm gonna break you in half!" She screamed, dragging the chair behind her as Henry hid behind (y/n) and they moved back toward Ray.

"Whoa-kay!" Henry said as (y/n) broke away from him to hide behind the counter with Ray. The siblings began to run around the shop as he wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders and took a sip from his cup of coffee.

"This is interesting," Ray commented into his mug, the two of them watch as the chair knocked and broke loads of trinkets and ornaments on sale.

"She's destroying the place." (y/n) replied with knitted eyebrows as she stole his cup and took a swig. He looked at her in annoyance as she drank his coffee, but she always did and to be honest, he found it endearing. He saw it as her liking his coffee and in a small way, it tied her to him.

"Hey, here's the phone!" Charlotte dashed into the front of the store with the wiped phone in her hand. Thank god for that, Ray was starting to feel anxious as they destroyed his store. It would take him and (y/n) hours to clean up this mess.

"I—I found this phone is it yours?" Henry quickly gave it back to his sister after Charlotte threw it to him. It was like giving a snarling beast a piece of meat to tame it and Piper finally backed off once she had her favourite thing back in her clutches. 

"Of course, it's mine, you weirdo!" She hissed before storming out of the shop again, although this time, she had the sense to pick up the chair and not drag it all the way home.

"Okay, now delete that stupid video from your phone before we have to go through all this again." (y/n) told him firmly hating the idea of having to put up with any more trouble caused by the bloody thing.

"Wait, we haven't even gotten a chance to watch the video yet." Ray reminded his friends, recalling how they forgot to watch it after the disaster unfolded. 

"Oh, yeah. We should at least watch it once before I delete it." Henry told the girls, who sighed at the idea. It would make all of this a little sweeter.

"I just really want to find out what we look like when we transform." Ray squealed excitedly, making his girl smile fondly. He was like a kid on Christmas morning.

"'Kay, here." Henry rotated his phone and everyone crowed around it, (y/n) tucked into Ray's arms as they all got to see what all the fuss was about.

"Wait, why are we seeing Charlotte?" Henry asked as the video showed Charlottes face and a tiny smidge of (y/n)'s elbow. Oh god, they hadn't, had they?

"Let's go, yo. Then watch the video." They heard Ray's joke in the background and then the sound of the bubblegum exploding, but all they could see was and funny angle of Charlotte and occasionally, (y/n)'s ear or arm. The girl looked away from her friends as they glared at her angrily as they realised that everything they had gone through was for nothing.

"Charlotte, you had the front-facing camera on." Henry pointed out in a stiff tone.

"You didn't get us on video," Ray added, also feeling pretty miffed.

"You just videoed yourself, meaning there never even was a video of you guys transforming on Piper's phone." (y/n) groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance. God, working here could really give you a migraine. 

"Yeah, well, I guess this whole thing was just one big old waste of time," Charlotte said nervously as her friends kept their faces emotionless. She scampered off to the elevator before they could tell her off more, leaving Henry, (y/n) and Ray to mull over everything.

"So..." (y/n) started awkwardly, not knowing what to say after that revelation. The tension was killing her so she decided to say something to see if she could diffuse it.

"So..."

"So..." Ray and Henry followed after her, also feeling awkward at the quietness, so (y/n) racked her brain for something, anything that would help.

"Ice cream, anyone?" She suggested, knowing that there was a late-night ice cream parlour still open down the road. She could really do with something sweet after the long day.

"Yeah, ice cream sounds good." Ray smiled down at her happily and she returned it gently.

"Let's go," Henry said, not wanting to see any more of their mushy behaviour. Charlotte would understand, she put up with their grossness all the time too. The boy rolled his eyes as he saw Ray take (y/n)'s hand in his and laced their fingers together so they could walk hand in hand. How they hadn't seen their feelings for each other astounded him. It was so bloody obvious and he would bet anyone ten bucks that Ray would feed her ice cream from his sundae or share a milkshake with two straws.

And they did. Gross.