#HERE'S A THING THAT I SHOULDN'T BE DOING BUT I AM!

[crocky-wock]

So... my thought process when reading this post was: "Ah, another 'Those Europeans' post on my dash. Okay, what did 'we' do this time? ... Hm. Yeah, I hate when people barge in on other people's posts, too. This was about the Grinch, if you don't know it, keep scrolling. The post wasn't for you. ... The Glummdorf what? Hm. Don't know Spanish culture enough to understand this... Dutch Christmas Blackface? Hu? What's that supposed to be? ... Okay, yeah, people can be stubborn - or this was someone whose childhood memories just aged very badly within seconds for her and she had no time to digest that fact before being judged for it... whatever okay... Skimbo the what? This is the third concept in this post about how supposedly all European children (including me, once) have "Racism Claus slur down their chimney". Now, obviously I AM European. Should I not recognise at least one of these?

Now, I do know about the problem of "Indian" plays on this side of the big pond. At least I heard about them when I was little. I think they were a thing like... 60 years ago or something. But I may be wrong there. And I understand it is hurtful to have one's culture and history abused as entertainment in countries where the genocidal invaders who invaded one's homeland once came from.

I am happy to say that societal perceptions have changed since then. We're not quite there yet, but a lot has happened since and there is a full discourse going on around the subject. Involving Native Americans who live over here, I am told. And many people are willing to educate themselves on matters of racial stereotypes, cultural appropriation, etc. We are also educating ourselves on specifically American issues, as I am sure you are educating yourselves on contemporary European issues such as current migration discussions within the EU, perhaps the African-British diaspora, discrimination of Sinti and Romanies, or even the issue of "Gastarbeiters" in Germany about 60 years ago.

It just takes more time at such a great distance, I think, because these other, local issues are more pressing to most people. That's just my feeling.

I think I don't understand what the original post is trying to contribute to the conversation other than make very sweeping, generalised observations about cultures veeery unfamiliar to most people in the target reader group. And get a few excellent puns out of it. All of it feels off coming from people who are so remote and don't seem to know (or be interested in) the origin of any of these ominous traditions that I haven't heard of and am too lazy to google.

I do believe I was ticked off by the general tone of that post and I apologise. We shouldn't be fighting over tone in times like this.

my only advice is to BE CAREFUL posting about holiday traditions around europeans. you'll post something casual like "anyone else watch the old Grinch movie every year? what a classic" and a european will appear as if summoned and say some shit like "funny how USAmericans always CONVENIENTLY forget that Not Everyone On Earth is from The USA…….. no of COURSE we dont watch 'the grunch' or whatever the fuck that is…. our tradition is to attend a community showing of Glummdorf the Racial Stereotype"

[iamquiantrelle]

GOLDEN BOY (chapter 3)────── iamquaintrelle

⌗ pairing : trent alexander arnold x black oc

⌗ summary : trent is having a quarter life crisis but will a smart-mouthed girl whip him into shape?

⌗ warnings : 18+ only!! (☁️☔️💕)

⌗taglist: @trentswrld, @trentpov @judesvirtual @sailurmewn @football-and-fanfics @eriks-girl @preetykookie @4ngryssgf @endlessmuse @noturbabe22, @sucredreamer @bbgkoo @hollablkgrl @notzara @chrisoppar

Losing to Spurs was one thing. Getting subbed on at half-time just to watch Son curl one into the top corner? That was another level of violation. The gaffer's words still rang in his ears - "need more energy," "push the line higher," all that chat.

Trent slouched in his seat on the team bus, hood pulled up, trying to ignore the quiet murmur of conversations around him. Virgil was giving some interview over the phone about "maintaining perspective" and "focusing on the next match." Easy to say when you'd played the full ninety, wasn't it?

His phone buzzed - probably his mum again, ready with another "head up love" message. Or Tyler wanting to dissect his minutes like they did after every match these days. Or maybe-

April: Nice cameo. At least your legs looked good in those shorts.

His stomach did that weird flip thing again. They hadn't properly talked since that night at Baltic Market, just the occasional message taking the piss out of each other. But every notification from her had him feeling like a kid checking if his crush had texted back.

Trent: Watching me play now are you?

April: Had to see what I'm working with for the shoot next week. April: Though after that performance… might need to rethink the concept. April: Maybe we focus on your face instead 😘

Cheeky. Even after a loss, she was out here trying to wind him up. And the worst part? It was working.

Trent: Getting brave behind that phone aren't you?

April: Always brave baby. You're the one who bottled it at Baltic.

His cheeks heated at the memory. The way she'd mugged him off, leaving him standing there like a sap after he'd suggested going home together. Those curls bouncing as she walked away, that jumpsuit doing criminal things to his imagination. He'd barely slept that night, replaying every moment in his head like some lovesick teenager.

Trent: Didn't bottle anything. You're the one who ran away.

April: That what you think? April: Interesting theory. April: Still thinking about those curls though?

Fuck. Am I that obvious?

The bus hit a pothole, jolting him out of his April-induced trance. Robbo was giving him a weird look from across the aisle, probably wondering why he was grinning at his phone after a loss like that.

"You alright mate? Looking flushed."

"Just tired," Trent muttered, turning back to his phone. But his mind was racing. Had she been playing him this whole time? Testing him maybe? That night at Baltic, the way she'd challenged him about everything - his accent, his image, his career. Like she was trying to see what he was made of.

April: Maker's Studio. Tuesday. 2pm. April: Don't be late.

His brain immediately went places it shouldn't. Especially not on a team bus after a loss, with Robbo's suspicious eyes still on him.

Trent: Still trying to get me naked?

April: Please. April: When I want you naked, you'll know. April: Besides, thought you were scared of my camera?

Christ. The way she could switch from professional to pure trouble in the space of one message. Had him twisted up inside.

The rest of the journey passed in a blur of April's messages and his increasingly frustrated attempts to keep his mind out of the gutter. By the time they pulled into Melwood, he was wound up, thinking about Tuesday and whatever she had planned.

"Trent!" Robbo's voice cut through his thoughts. "You coming or what? Some of us have families to get home to."

"Yeah yeah, give me a minute."

Around him, the lads were gathering their bags, some already heading for their cars. Virgil had finished his interview and was now deep in conversation with Joe about some tactical thing Trent should probably be paying attention to, but his eyes were glued to his screen as three dots appeared.

April: Sweet dreams pretty boy. Try not to think about me too much. April: Though those marks have probably faded by now… April: Shame. Might need to refresh them soon.

His collar suddenly felt too tight. Those hickeys had finally disappeared, but he swore he could still feel where they'd been, like she'd marked him.

"Trent!" Robbo again, now standing over him. "What's got you so distracted? Better not be that OnlyFans girl Ty was warning us about–"

"Shut up," Trent laughed, finally standing up. But his mind was racing. Tuesday couldn't come fast enough.

Back in his car, he sat for a moment, thumb hovering over the keyboard. Fuck it.

Trent: Only if you promise to aim lower this time.

April: Is that a challenge, Alexander-Arnold? April: Because you should know by now… April: I never back down from those.

Too late for that whole 'not thinking about her' thing, wasn't it?

The drive home was a blur of streetlights and his mind wandering to dangerous places. Whatever she had planned, whatever game she was playing… he was all in.

His phone buzzed one last time as he pulled into his driveway.

April: PS - Wear pants that fit you well. April: Since that's all I'm letting you keep on.

Fucking hell.

Even the loss to Spurs didn't sting as much anymore. How could it, when all he could think about was Tuesday and whatever chaos April had in store for him?

He was starting to live for that chaos. Starting to crave it, even. The way she kept him on his toes, never knowing if she was going to build him up or tear him down.

Maybe Tyler had been right. Maybe he did need someone who didn't treat him like TAA, Liverpool's golden boy. Someone who saw past all that and still wanted to take the piss.

Or maybe he was just twisted. Either way, Tuesday couldn't come soon enough.

Nothing like a 4-0 against Accrington Stanley to get your head right. Trent's goal was still playing on repeat in his mind - caught it sweet from outside the box, right into the top bins. Even had the Kop singing his name again.

The rental space April had found was fancy, all modern art on exposed brick walls and windows bigger than his first flat. Tyler had been in his ear all week about their "creative direction" or whatever, but Trent wasn't worried about all that. He was more focused on April's texts that had been driving him insane - little digs about oiling him up for the camera, asking if he'd been doing his crunches.

When he walked in, she was bent over her camera setup, wearing ripped jeans that should've been illegal and some massive Rolling Stones jumper that kept slipping off one shoulder. Her hair was trying to escape its bun, curls going everywhere like they had a mind of their own.

"Look who finally showed up," she said without looking up. "Heard you had yourself a game yesterday."

"Scored an absolute worldie, didn't I?"

"Against Accrington Stanley." Now she did look up, that smirk playing at her lips. "My nan could score against them."

There was a clothes rack in the corner - nothing fancy, just basic stuff. No designer labels or statement pieces. Dead simple, like she was trying to strip away all the flash.

"Strip," she said, still fiddling with her camera.

"What?"

"Just your shirt, you idiot. Unless…" She looked up now, those eyes dancing with mischief. "You still bricking it?"

"Not scared of anything, me." He pulled his shirt off, trying to act casual while her eyes did a slow crawl over his chest that had his skin burning.

"Shame about the locs though," she said suddenly, tilting her head. "Why'd you cut them?"

The question caught him off guard. No one ever asked that - they just assumed he was "cleaning up his image" or whatever other bullshit the papers came up with.

"Just fancied a change," he shrugged, but April's eyes narrowed.

"Nah, there's more to it. The way your jaw just tensed? Dead giveaway."

He sighed, running a hand over his shorter hair. "Just got tired of the comments. 'Bit urban for Liverpool's golden boy' and all that shit."

"Ah." Her face softened slightly. "The classic microaggressions. Get that a lot myself in this industry. 'You're so well-spoken' and all that."

"Yeah well… get enough of that without the locs. Too black for some, not black enough for others. Proper mad how everyone's got an opinion on what you should be when you're mixed."

"'Are you black or like… black black?'" April mimicked, rolling her eyes. "Or my personal favorite - 'you must get your creativity from your white side.'"

Trent snorted. "Mad how they think being mixed means you can't be fully anything. Like my mum being white somehow cancels out everything else."

"Society's fucked, isn't it?" April picked up her camera. "But at least you've got good bone structure. Now turn left a bit - need to catch that jawline properly."

Just like that, she was back to business. But something had shifted slightly. Like they'd recognized something in each other, some shared experience that went beyond the flirting and banter.

"These aren't going to be too artistic, are they?" he asked as she adjusted his pose. "Don't fancy seeing my face in some gallery."

"Nah, just clean shots. Show the real you, not what everyone expects Liverpool's golden boy to be."

The way she said it - mocking but understanding at the same time. Like she got it. Got him.

Maybe that's why it was so easy to relax around her, even half-naked in front of her camera. She saw past all the labels, all the expectations. Saw him as just… Trent.

"Hold that pose," April said, then paused. "Isn't your dad's Jamaican?"

"Yeah, family's in Kingston. Why?"

Her grin widened. "Wag wan then, bredrin?"

"Yuh dun know," Trent laughed, genuinely surprised. "Your people yard too?"

"Mum's family's from Portmore. Small world, huh?" She snapped a few more shots. "No wonder you can handle the spice. Though that accent's proper scouse."

The shoot wrapped quicker than he expected, April's efficiency matching her chat. She gestured him over to her laptop, flicking through the raw shots.

"Need some editing obviously, but…"

"Nah these are sick." And they were - nothing pretentious or artsy, just him looking… real. Natural.

"Could be better if you'd gotten naked though."

Trent's head snapped up, but she was already packing away her gear, that mischievous smirk playing at her lips.

"Still on about that?"

"Always." She turned, properly looking at him now. "You trying to get in my pants too, Alexander-Arnold?"

"Maybe."

"Bold. I'm a wild girl though." Her voice dropped lower, all that playful energy suddenly gone. This wasn't April the photographer anymore, or even April taking the piss. This was something else entirely - a warning and an invitation all at once.

"I'm a wild boy."

She actually laughed at that, but it wasn't her usual take-the-piss laugh. This was darker, like she knew something he didn't. "Please. You couldn't handle me."

"Try me."

The words came out more confident than he felt, but fuck it. Something about the way she was looking at him - like a cat that had cornered its prey but was deciding whether to play with it first.

"Okay," she shrugged, but those eyes were pure danger now. "I warned you though. Free this weekend?"

His heart actually skipped. Proper teenage behavior. "Yeah."

"I'll text you then." She shouldered her bag, that predatory smile still playing at her lips. Every movement calculated, like she knew exactly what she was doing to his head. "Try not to think about me too much until then."

Too late for that, wasn't it?

He watched her walk away, remembering how she'd left him hanging at Baltic Market. But this time felt different. This time she wasn't testing him - she was hunting him.

And fuck him if he didn't want to be caught.

The address April sent him was in some dodgy part of London he'd never been to before. Like proper sketch - the kind of place his Range Rover looked well out of place. No restaurants nearby, no posh shops, just warehouses and old buildings with blacked-out windows.

23B Blackwall Lane.

No sign. No queue. Just a massive guy in black standing outside a door that looked like it hadn't been opened since the 80s.

"ID," the guard grunted. Then, after checking it: "Arms up."

"You taking the piss?"

But no, man actually started patting him down like he was going through customs. Christ. What had April gotten him into?

"Miss Goodplenty's guest?" A woman appeared, all long hair and red lipstick. Looked out of place against the grimy walls.

"Yeah."

She handed him a tablet. "Sign these."

"What am I signing?"

"Non-disclosure agreement. And a waiver stating the club isn't responsible for any... injuries."

Any what now?

His eyes scanned the document. Words like "consensual" and "physical activity" and "binding agreement" jumped out at him.

Fucking hell.

But he'd already come this far, hadn't he? And something about the way April had added cheeky emojis when she sent the address... like she knew exactly what she was doing to his head.

He signed.

The door opened to darkness and bass so heavy he could feel it in his chest. As his eyes adjusted, he realized where he was.

Oh.

OH.

Real sus that April hadn't mentioned this was a sex club.

Bodies everywhere - some clothed, some... definitely not. Red lights casting shadows that left just enough to the imagination. Private rooms with heavy curtains. A dance floor that looked more like an orgy waiting to happen.

His phone buzzed.

April: Third floor. Room 7.

April: Don't keep me waiting.

April: And don't look so scared, pretty boy. Nobody bites.

April: Unless you ask nicely 😘

Christ.

Trent's designer shirt and jeans felt about as subtle as a police siren in this place. Everyone else was either half-naked or dressed in leather. Some woman walked past in what looked like actual diamonds and not much else. Just walking around tits and pussy out like this was just another Saturday.

A waitress appeared at his elbow - a pin-up model type in lingerie and a garter belt that left nothing to the imagination. "Drink?"

"Uh..." Real smooth, that.

"First time?" She smiled knowingly, adjusting stockings. "Don't worry love, everyone's nervous their first night."

Another waitress drifted past balancing a tray of champagne, wearing what had to be vintage Agent Provocateur and heels that could probably kill a man. The whole place was like some mad fever dream - all red velvet and gold accents and women who looked like they'd stepped out of a 1950s Playboy.

His phone buzzed again.

April: You look proper lost down there 😂

April: Still waiting...

April: Unless you're too scared?

Cheeky girl was watching him. He looked up, trying to spot her, but the upper floors were all shadows and private booths.

A couple stumbled past him, giggling, clothes disheveled. What was April playing at, bringing him here?

His phone lit up one more time.

April: Tick tock, Alexander-Arnold.

April: Or should I find someone else to play with?

That got his feet moving. Third floor. Room 7.

What kind of posh sex club didn't have lifts? The staircase was all Victorian gothic, wrought iron railings and dim lighting that cast weird shadows on the walls. Some couple was going at it against the wall between the first and second floor, and Trent had to squeeze past them like it was normal. Could hear all sorts through the doors he passed - moans and music and what sounded like... was that a whip?

His legs were burning by the second floor. Each step revealed more sounds he'd rather not think about. Weird how normal everyone seemed about it all - like they were at some dinner party instead of... whatever this was.

Room 7 had a fancy door, all dark wood and gold numbers. His knuckles had barely touched it when it swung open.

"Wow- I- April..." His brain short-circuited completely.

The leather outfit she wore gave him a clear view of the tops of her breasts and had various cutouts throughout that showed glimpses of her skin. Her curls were wilder than usual, framing her face like some kind of dark halo.

"It's Madam here," she said curtly, stepping aside to let him in.

Madam?

The room was nothing like he'd expected. Luxe with some BDSM type stuff hanging on the wall, a chaise in a corner, and massive windows overlooking the club below. A small dining table was set up in one corner, complete with fancy china and champagne on ice.

"Sit," she gestured to the chair near the window. "How are you feeling?"

"Bit shocked if I'm honest." He could see the dance floor below, bodies moving in the dim light.

That laugh again - the same one from their first meeting, breaking through her stern façade. "Told you I was a wild girl, didn't I?" She moved closer, her voice dropping low enough to make his skin tingle. "Still think you're a wild boy?"

For once in his life, Trent Alexander-Arnold was speechless.

"You're just green," she smiled, something softer in her eyes now. "When we get started on some things, you'll be fine." His eyes must've gone wide because she laughed again. "Not tonight obviously." She settled into the chair opposite him. "Tonight we talk, have dinner. Very vanilla. I'll tell you all the dirty things I like, you tell me yours. And then if you want to keep it going, we can."

"And if I don't?" His voice came out steadier than he felt.

"Then you leave," she shrugged. "We never have to bring it up again. Just continue on with our work relationship."

Simple as that. Except nothing about April had ever been simple, had it?

"So how'd you get into all this?" Trent asked, watching as April poured them both some champagne.

"Photography or the other stuff?" Her eyes glinted mischievously.

"You know which one."

"Same way anyone finds their thing, I suppose." She settled in her chair. "Tried it, loved it, kept going. Speaking of..." She tilted her head, studying him. "Those marks I left on you. How'd that make you feel?"

The champagne suddenly felt thick in his throat. "I... liked them."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Proper liked them actually."

"Mmm." She took a slow sip of champagne. "Tell me how you usually are then. In bed."

"I take charge mostly," he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. "Do the leading and that."

"So you do the bending?" She smirked over her glass.

"Yeah."

"But does that satisfy you? Like for real?" Her foot found his leg under the table, sliding up slowly. "Does it feel amazing you taking all of the control or..." she paused, watching his reaction, "do you need someone to be in charge sometimes?"

He laughed nervously, hand tightening around his glass. "Never thought about it before. I mean I do like little choke while I stroke but nothing like..." he gestured around the room.

"Okay so this can be your last visit here."

"You'll do that?" The words came out before he could stop them.

"Yeah," she said softly, something genuine breaking through her dominant persona. "It's about your pleasure too, Trent."

Mother of Christ.

"I should probably tell you what I'm into," April continued, leaning forward slightly. "I'm a dom - that means I like control. All of it."

"Like what you did with the..." Trent gestured to his neck.

"Marking you up? That's just the start. I like restraints, commands, proper domination." She studied his face. "You said you like choking?"

"Yeah," he admitted, feeling his face heat. "Gets me proper going."

"What else?"

"I dunno... never really explored much. Been curious though."

"About?"

"Just... different things. Being told what to do maybe." He couldn't believe he was saying this out loud.

"Good," she smiled. "Because I'm not a switch."

"A what?"

"Someone who goes back and forth between dom and sub. When we're in the bedroom, I'm in charge. Simple as that."

His mouth felt dry. "And if I wanted to try..."

"We start slow. Build trust. But first," she leaned back, "you need to get checked."

"What?"

"Full panel. I don't do condoms."

His eyes went wide. "Raw? That's..." Risky. Mental. Completely hot. "Actually one of my fantasies."

"Of course it is," she laughed. "You're such a boy. But yes - once we're both cleared, no barriers between us."

His brain was already going places it shouldn't.

"You're thinking about it now, aren't you?" That predatory smile was back.

"Maybe."

"Good. Keep thinking about it. But remember..." she stood up, moving behind his chair. Her lips brushed his ear as she whispered, "I'm going to ruin you for anyone else."

A knock at the door made Trent jump slightly. April just smirked, crossing the room with that confident stride that had his eyes following her every move.

The same pin-up waitress from downstairs wheeled in a proper feast - some posh looking steak for him, seafood linguine for April.

"You ordered for me?"

"I do that sometimes." She settled back in her chair. "Part of the whole control thing. Problem?"

He cut into the steak - perfectly medium rare, exactly how he liked it. "Nah, this is actually mad good."

"Course it is. Already figured out what you like, haven't I?"

Something about the way she said it made his stomach flip. She had been watching him, hadn't she? Learning his habits, his preferences. Even that first night at the party, she'd known exactly how to push his buttons.

"So what else you got figured out about me then?"

"Plenty." She twirled pasta around her fork. "Like how you pretend to be this proper confident footballer, but really..." her foot found his leg again, "you're curious about giving up that control."

His breath caught. Mad how she could read him like that.

"Tell me more about what you're into," he said, trying to regain some composure. "Like, what should I expect?"

"Already thinking ahead?" That devilish smile was back. "Well, I told you - I'm a dom. I like control, discipline, watching someone submit to me completely."

The way she said it - like she was discussing the weather - had his head spinning.

"But it's not just about the physical stuff," she continued. "It's about trust. Power exchange. Like how you trusted me to order your food. Small things building up to bigger ones."

"What kind of bigger ones?"

"Patience," she smirked. "We'll get there. But first..." She leaned forward, those eyes locked on his. "Tell me more about these fantasies of yours. The raw thing got you excited."

"Just... yeah." He felt his face heat up. "Something about it being bare. More intimate like."

"Mmm. And the choking? You said you've done that before?"

"Bit of it, yeah. Nothing major though."

"And how'd that make you feel?"

"Good, I guess?" He paused, thinking. "But sometimes... sometimes I wonder what it'd be like–"

"Having someone control you?" Her voice dropped lower. "Tell you what to do? When you can move, when you can speak... when you can cum?"

Fucking hell.

"We'd start slow," she added, watching his reaction. "Build up to things. I'm not about to throw you in the deep end."

"What would we start with then?"

"Simple commands. Teaching you how to follow orders. Maybe some light bondage if you're good." She said it so casual, like she was planning a training session instead of... whatever this was.

"And if I'm not good?"

That predatory smile was back. "Then you get punished."

My Lord in heaven.

"You're thinking about it again," she observed, sliding her foot higher up his leg. "I can see it in your eyes. The way you're gripping that fork."

He hadn't even realized how tense he was.

"Finish your food," she commanded softly. "We've got more to discuss."

And fuck him if his body didn't respond immediately to that tone. Like it already knew who was in charge.

"Yes..." he hesitated.

"Madam," she supplied, eyes glinting. "Better get used to saying that."

"Yes, Madam."

Something in her expression shifted - pleased, almost proud. Made his chest do weird things.

"Good boy."

Those two words shouldn't have affected him like that. But here he was, squirming in his chair from just her voice and praise. Did he also have a thing for that too?

"I think," she said, watching him eat, "we're going to have a lot of fun together. Once you're checked and cleared, of course."

"How long's that usually take?"

"Eager, are we?" She laughed. "Few days for the results. Then..." her foot reached his thigh and his dick hardened, "we can properly begin."

The rest of dinner passed in a haze of loaded looks and subtle touches. April kept dropping little hints about what she had planned, each one making his head spin more than the last.

By the time they finished eating, Trent felt like he was burning up from the inside. Everything felt heightened - the brush of her hand as she reached for the champagne, the way her lips curved around each word, how her eyes never left him even when the waitress came to clear their plates.

"Time for you to go," she said finally, standing up. "Got an early meeting tomorrow."

"That's it?"

"For now." She moved closer, close enough that he could smell that spiced vanilla again. "Unless you've changed your mind?"

"No," he said quickly. Maybe too quickly, based on her knowing smile.

"Good. I'll text you the details for getting checked. And Trent?"

"Yeah?"

She leaned in, lips brushing his ear: "Don't touch yourself tonight. That's your first command."

His whole body went hot. "And if I do?"

"Then I'll know." She pulled back, those eyes dancing with mischief. "And the punishment will be... memorable."

Fucking hell.

What had he gotten himself into?

But as he made his way back down those stairs, past all the sounds and sights that had shocked him earlier, Trent couldn't stop grinning.

Whatever this was - whatever April had planned for him - he was all in.

Even if it ruined him in the end.

…………..tbd

[lorynna]

The thing that bothers me about the radical feminist community on Tumblr is how unforgiving and harsh some radfems are, when they disagree with your views. I've seen it a couple of times now. We will talk about sisterhood, supporting each other and the love we share for other women but sometimes we cannot criticize each other respectfully.

Especially for the women only slowly getting into radical feminism, because it is new to them, they can be quick to get sassy reblogs due to posting their yet unripe thought processes or making mistakes and that's genuinly sad to see.

On the other hand when it comes to other disagreements: I understand your frustrations and I understand that we won't always agree with each other on everything but that doesn't mean that we have to be unkind to each other.

Sadly, I often feel like me saying things like "I don't think that men are inherently evil", "men have the potential to improve" or "i had a great father figure in my life and I am happy in my current het partnership" puts a great target on my back and I've had many harassive anons sent to me by other supposed radfems.

In all honesty I don't feel free to sometimes say what I think because I just have the feeling that there will be harsh backlash for stating things like the sentences put in quotation above - even when I never challenged radfems that think differently or have had a different life experience compared to mine. Even when all I do is state my own life's reality detached from everything else.

And by sharing mine - I never mean to undermine or disregard the experiences of other women. I respect you. I see you. I see why you hate men and I would never argue with you about why you shouldn't. Again, I empathize with you and I acknowledge that we have different lived realities.

I don't think I have to defend myself regarding this stance but without going into too much detail I was really lucky to have a really amazing father growing up. Generally, I have had great male role models in my life and I love them very much. Just as much as I love my boyfriend who treats me very well. I have seen two sides of the same coin. And if me therefore saying that I don't think that "all men are inherently evil" makes you want to refute my experience angrily - that's your choice.

I am in my early 20s, I have not been part of radical feminist for very long and I am not as smart or as eloquent as many other radfems on this platform - without question. I am here for the discourse, for learning from others and to listen to their experiences. I hope to make Tumblr a little bit of a better place.

[genderqueerdykes]

okay i’ve been wondering about this for a while. i’ve seen a lot of fandom discourse that headcanoning a character who’s commonly accepted as transfem in fandom as a genderweird trans in all directions nb person is transfem erasure. is this true? i haven’t really thought so‚ but i might just be biased as a nb transmasc myself. (common examples include john egbert)

hello there, thanks for stopping by!

i am definitely the wrong person to ask about this, i am very sorry. i do not participate in fandom at all, i don't engage with much fiction and when i do, i don't get into it that much. my brain doesn't really latch on to fiction like it did when i was a kid. i still play games and watch anime here and there but i don't interact with fandoms, so i apologize for that. i find them to be genuinely uncomfortable and unsafe environments to be in due to being intersex and biracial. fandom spaces unfortunately tend to be extremely racist & intersexist. i had friends who were heavily involved in fandom as a teenager and i felt very unsafe due to the sheer amount of fetishiziation of intersex bodies that goes on in fandom spaces.

this is simply an outsider's perspective, but i don't really see fandoms as "representation" that can be "erased" because it's all conjecture and everyone has such wildly different opinions on what a character is or is not. it's not representation if it's not confirmed. if it's just a headcanon it's not representation, as it was not confirmed and thus is conjecture and speculation. i might be wildly off base as an outsider, but i always kinda thought the point of fandom was for everyone to express how they interact with that piece of media uniquely, and spread and share their thoughts and opinions? why are people trying to control how other people interact with a piece of fiction that they did not make...?

that seems antithetical to the idea of fandom. i thought it was supposed to be a fun hobby? again maybe i just *don't* get it as an outsider, but it makes no sense to me to try to control someone else's internal opinion on something that quite literally is not real. like at the end of the day none of these people are real, you can't hurt their feelings you're not 'erasing' anyone here, they're literally not real, and if it's only a headcanon that that person is transfem... then you're not. erasing. a transfem character, it's just conjecture. it doesn't matter what gender or sexuality you see them as because you're free to think and feel those ways in your head. you're allowed to engage in those thought experiments because that person quite literally is not real so it's okay to speculate on their identity. it's not okay to do this to another live person but if they're fictional who... cares?

this may sound really harsh but i need to stress to people that fictional characters are not real human beings, and stressing out over their genders or sexuality does nothing to help you. you can't hurt their feelings. you can't erase a transfem that isn't confirmed to be transfem. a headcanon is just that: a personal opinion. it shouldn't come to the point where it causes distress and fighting. this is a hobby, it is not one's entire life. i would recommend just blocking and not engaging with people who try to police how you interact with leisure behaviors. i don't think there's one true way to be "Right" about these kinds of things because it's literally all conjecture

also sorry, i have no idea who that character is! i don't know very many fictional characters by name so i can't lend any input there, apologies. for the future, if anyone is curious about my feelings on these sorts of things about other characters, i unfortunately cannot help you as there's a near 100% chance i am not familiar with them and can't lend any input

how can an opinion be right or wrong ... ? that just doesn't make sense to me. it's all opinion. it's not worth hurting other people over or yelling at each other. i'm sorry that i can't give you a more informed opinion, but i thought maybe an outsider's perspective could help somewhat. i hope this is somewhat informative or helpful to you at all- i honestly don't think it's right for people to try to control each others' headcanons because that is quite literally thought policing and i am not here for that. anyway, take care of yourself! thanks for stopping by :)

[fantasychica37]

So for people who don't already agree with you and might not get it, because I agree with you and am familiar with the arguments but I'm not sure I follow your logic as laid out here, you are saying that when someone believes “you shouldn't explore a topic at all because it could normalize it”, that is basically saying “don't think about someting at all”, which is a restraint on free thought, and when people don't think for themselves, they don't question the orthodoxy, and that is being a fascist because fascism involves never disagreeing with the ideas spread by the fascist leaders even when they don't make sense? (Yes I know you are also saying that having thoughts is not bad, only the actions you do.)

Also I think everyone here is saying that even though Anon thinks that, for example, Anne Rice is interested in incest and pedophilia because they feature in her works, in actuality you could be interested in exploring messed up ideas for many reasons! An author could write a story about pedophilia, for example, because they know it is disturbing and they like writing disturbing stories, because they or someone they love were a survivor of it and they are trying to process their emotions, or for other reasons I can't think of, I'm sure. Like, sometimes people write about topics because they think those topics are good or interesting (or, yes, arousing), but I imagine most murder mystery writers do not want to kill people; their choice to write about murder is for reasons other than a desire to murder people in their real life. Even in erotic things, sometimes people get turned on by fantasies about things they think are horrible in real life. So, Anon, I have good news for you: you probably do not need to worry that someone who writes about messed up things likes those messed up things in real life or is a threat to others because of it! And isn't that a wonderful thing?

Do you think authors sometimes don't realize how their, uh, interests creep into their writing? I'm talking about stuff like Robert Jordan's obvious femdom kink, or Anne Rice's preoccupation with inc*st and p*dophilia. Did their editors ever gently ask them if they've ever actually read what they've written?

Firstly, a reminder: This is not tiktok and we just say the words incest and pedophilia here.

Secondly, I don't know if I would call them 'interests' so much as fixations or even concerns. There are monstrous things that people think about, and I think writing is a place to engage with those monstrous things. It doesn't bother me that people engage with those things. I exist somewhere within the whump scale, and I would hope no one would think less of me just because sooner or later I like to rough a good character up a bit, you know? It's fun to torture characters, as a treat!

But, anyway, assuming this question isn't, "Do writers know they're gross when I think they are gross" which I'm going to take the kind road and assume it isn't, but is instead, "Do you think authors are aware of the things they constantly come back to?"

Sometimes. It can be jarring to read your own writing and realize that there are things you CLEARLY are preoccupied with. (mm, I like that word more than concerns). There are things you think about over and over, your run your mind over them and they keep working their way back in. I think this is true of most authors, when you read enough of them. Where you almost want to ask, "So...what's up with that?" or sometimes I read enough of someone's work that I have a PRETTY good idea what's up with that.

I've never read Robert Jordan and I don't intend to start (I think it would bore me this is not a moral stance) and I've really never read Rice's erotica. In erotica especially I think you have all the right in the world to get fucking weird about it! But so, when I was young I read the whole Vampire Chronicles series. I don't remember it perfectly, but there's plenty in it to reveal VERY plainly that Anne Rice has issues with God but deeply believes in God, and Anne Rice has a preoccupation with the idea of what should stay dead, and what it means to become. So, when i found out her daughter died at the age of six, before Rice wrote all of this, and she grew up very very Catholic' I said, 'yeah, that fucking checks out'.

Was Rice herself aware of how those things formed her writing? I think at a certain point probably yes. The character of Claudia is in every way too on the nose for her not to have SOME idea unless she was REAL REAL dense about her own inner workings. But, sometimes I know where something I write about comes from, that doesn't mean I'm interested in sharing it with the class. I would never ever fucking say, 'The reasons I seem to write so much of x as y is that z happened to me years ago' ahaha FUCK THAT NOISE. NYET. RIDE ON, COWBOY.

But I've known some people in fandom works who clearly have something going on and don't seem to realize it. Or they're very good at hiding it. Based on the people I'm talking about I would say it's more a lack of self-knowledge, and I don't even mean that unkindly. I have, in many ways, taken myself down to the studs and rebuilt it all, so I unfortunately am very aware of why I do and write the things I do most of the time. It's extremely annoying not to be able to blame something. I imagine it must be very freeing. But it ain't me, babe.

Anyway, a lot of words to say: Maybe! But that might not stop them from writing it, it might be a useful thing for them to engage with, and you can always just not read it.

Also, we don't censor words here.

[alittlegiraffe]

Title: "The One Who Got Away"

You had spent the evening curled up on the couch, watching reruns of your favorite show, trying to forget about everything that had happened earlier that day. Your heart had been heavy for a while now. The world felt dull without Marshall in it, without his chaotic, yet comforting presence. The silence in your apartment felt suffocating. You missed him—more than you wanted to admit.

Suddenly, a knock at your door startled you. It was late. Who could it be?

You stood up, your mind racing, but when you opened the door, your breath caught in your throat. Standing before you, looking disheveled and vulnerable in a hoodie and jeans, was Marshall���Eminem himself. His expression was a mixture of exhaustion, regret, and raw emotion.

"Marshall?" you whispered, feeling your pulse quicken. "What are you doing here?"

He glanced around nervously before stepping inside, his eyes avoiding yours. "Can we talk?" he asked quietly, almost pleading.

You stepped back, allowing him in. You hadn't seen him in months, not since the day he left you. The day everything fell apart.

He ran a hand through his messy hair, taking a deep breath. "I—I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have left you like I did. I was trying to be a better person for Kim, but I hurt you. And I hate myself for it."

You blinked, unsure of what to say. You had been carrying the pain of his sudden departure for so long, the hole in your chest growing with each passing day. "You left me when I needed you the most," you finally said, your voice barely a whisper. "I don't understand why you did it, Marshall."

He looked at you, his eyes searching your face, and you saw the pain there, the guilt. "Kim... when she got pregnant, I thought I had to do the right thing. I thought I had to be there for her and for the baby. I thought I was being a good guy, but in doing that, I ended up breaking your heart."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. "I loved you, Marshall. I gave you everything. And you just... left."

He stepped closer, his voice breaking. "I know, and I regret it more than you could ever imagine. But I was scared. I didn’t know how to juggle everything. I didn't want to hurt Kim or the baby, but I ended up hurting you... the one person who didn’t deserve it."

Your heart ached at the vulnerability in his voice. You had never seen Marshall like this before—so raw, so open. "Why are you here now?" you asked softly, a mix of anger and hurt still lingering in your chest.

He hesitated for a moment, his hands trembling slightly. "Because I can't live with myself anymore knowing I fucked up. I was a coward, and I made the worst decision of my life when I walked away from you. I thought it was the right thing to do, but... it wasn’t. You were always the one I needed. The one I wanted. And I fucked it up."

The tears that you had been holding back spilled over, and you wiped your face, trying to hide the pain. "But it's too late, Marshall. You made your choice."

He shook his head, his eyes desperate. "Please... don't say that. I know I can't change the past, but I can try to make things right. I can try to show you how sorry I am. I’ve been an idiot."

For a moment, you said nothing. Your mind was racing, torn between the anger of the past and the feelings you still had for him. You wanted to push him away, to tell him it was too late, but part of you, the part that had never stopped loving him, couldn't do it.

Slowly, you took a step forward, closing the space between you. "You hurt me, Marshall. You left me when I needed you the most."

He nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. "I know. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry."

You searched his face, the man who had once been your everything. "Why now?" you asked again, your voice shaky. "Why come back now, after all this time?"

"Because I’m done lying to myself," he replied, his voice filled with raw emotion. "I was an asshole, and I was afraid of my own feelings. But now, I know the truth. I love you. I always have, and I always will. I was just too fucking scared to admit it."

Your breath caught in your throat. Could this be real? Could he really mean this?

"Marshall..." you whispered, your heart pounding in your chest.

He reached out, taking your hand gently in his, as if afraid you'd pull away. "I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please... can we try again? Can we start over?"

You looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity there, and for the first time in months, you allowed yourself to believe that maybe—just maybe—this was what you needed too.

With a shaky breath, you nodded. "Yeah... we can try."

And for the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope.

----

A/N this could be a new series guys I swear this is so cute and angsty.

[kiefbowl]

I am seeing so much stuff about this being the end of democracy in the US and idk how to tell if it's fearmongering or realistic. You seem to be an Actual Adult instead of just a Tumblr Adult so ... thoughts? Is everything really as new and dramatic as people are saying or is this the normal republican bs but with a loud mouth at the helm?

I think the damage of the Trump administration is going to do to our democracy is create fear and confusion and undermine the trust in the government to function. I do not think he will succeed in any form of "overthrow." The function of all these headlines that say things like "Trump signs executive order to do xyz!!" when it's outside the scope of his office is primarily to cause anxiety, because the assumption is that a lot of people are under-informed in how the government functions as a whole, and unfortunately that assumption is true. And it's working, because a lot of these bizarro attempts to do things outside the scope of the executive branch get struck down in court (which isn't reported on with the same fervor...I'm frustrated at how many news outlets are just capitulating at this point). But there's harm that's done in any case, and that shouldn't be discounted even if Trump's admin goes out with a whimper in four years for a better dem admin, which is the best-case scenario. After all, courts can be slow to respond.

I will say, I could be over my skis here. You can't be well informed on everything. It's not impossible for worst case scenarios to happen, but it is important to take each day as it comes and try to verify sources as much as you possibly can.

[elminx]

Energy Update: February 2025

February is a "2" Universal Month [2 (February) + 9 (2025) = 11 = 1+1 = 2] in a "9" Universal Year. Two is often a decision number; as we move down the path, we find a fork in the road and face our first choices. This is consistent with the astrological transits of the month; our personal planets are marching ever closer to the divide between 29° Pisces and 00° Aries - THE degree of the year. What we do now matters, but we may not know why yet.

The Set Up

We begin the month with the Sun, Mercury, and Pluto in Aquarius; Venus, Saturn, Neptune, and the North Node in Pisces; retrograde Mars in Cancer; retrograde Jupiter in Gemini; and Uranus in Taurus. By month's end, the Sun and Mercury will have moved into Pisces and Venus into Aries. Additionally, Mars and Jupiter will have stationed direct.

The Nitty Gritty

Aspect-wise, this is a pretty sparse month, but what we do see packs a pretty big punch. Mars is rounding out the end of his retrograde cycle (thank the gods), but both Mercury and Venus will retrograde in the months ahead. In fact, Venus is already in her pre-retrograde shadow as she moves through Pisces and Aries all month long. This month can be seen as a bit of a setup for what is to come in March, April, and May as each planet inches forward toward its inevitable conjunction to 00° Aries. I have written about this as the conjunction of the year here, so I won't go into a lot of detail about it, but I will make reference to it.

Mars

Mars has been in the spotlight since he began his retrograde journey at 17° Cancer on 12/6. This month, he makes the last legs of his trip before stationing direct on 2/23. We are deep in the weeds of Mars in Cancer now, which is unfortunate because Mars is at his fall in the cardinal water sign. A planet is considered in its fall when it is the opposing sign to that of its exaltation (here, Capricorn); this is an indication that the sign's natural aptitudes are in misalignment with the nature of the planet.

Cancer is the sign of the crab, and as a cardinal/moving sign, it moves like a crab - sideways, zigzagging toward its targets. This movement is highly inefficient; once Cancer grabs on, it holds on for dear life. Cancer types like the world to believe they are a moveable sign - they carry their homes on their backs, after all! - but often, they are so obsessed with what has already happened that they forget to look forward to the future. Cancer naturally rules the 4th house, the nadir of the horoscope wheel, the natural domain of the past - our childhoods and family setups. All Cancer types must watch out for false nostalgia or adherence to a perfect memory that doesn't fit the world as it is now.

I want to be clear here that I am not trying to throw Cancer under the bus: every sign has positive and negative traits associated with it. It's Cancer's job to REMEMBER the past; it's a challenging task, and someone has got to do it. The problem comes when Cancer gets STUCK in the past. This problem is because Mars moves backward in the sign most obsessed with the past.

I shouldn't need to point out the obvious parallels between this astrological transit and what is going on with US politics right now. What I can do is allow a broad view: sometimes, we need to return to review the past because someone has not yet learned their lessons. This is always very triggering for those out ahead of the pack. Nobody wants to stop for the slowpoke, least of all Mars.

One of the things that the study of astrological transits teaches us is that we often need to take three steps forward and then two steps back. This is the nature of retrograde cycles; they allow us a broader viewpoint as we retrace the degrees of the horoscope where we have recently been. These should be seen as a cosmic lesson - for society and sometimes for our personal lives. This is true of all planetary retrogrades, but it holds doubly true when a planet retrogrades back through Cancer, the sign that remembers.

We are in the thick of it now, and this is often when retrogrades feel their very worst. It is obvious who has their eyes wide open and is paying attention and who has chosen to hide their heads in the sand to play pretend. Not everyone wants or cares to change. This can be one of the most challenging realities to face.

Because Cancer lives at least partially in the past, they can be among the last to change. Often, they hold on with their crabby hands as if their lives depend on it. When Mars is retrograde in the sign of the crab, everyone is a little bit more reticent to see their part of the problem. Because the crab is so often thwarted (in that others want change while they want to cling to what they know and the comfort that brings), they frequently resort to emotional manipulation.

Think of the myth of the good old days when things were "simpler." Think of the parent that demands you obey because you owe them. Life isn't tit for tat - some obligations cannot be repaid. We cannot go backward; the past is done. We must grapple with these things as we move through the last month of this rough retrograde cycle.

Mars only makes one significant aspect this month, a trine to Saturn in Pisces on 2/9. I expect the days around this to carry the weight of these retrograde burdens, as Mars and Saturn are traditionally considered malefic planets. Whatever needs to be shaken loose will undoubtedly fall apart during this time, but it won't be pretty. Expect the worst, and hope for the best. Sometimes, things NEED to fall apart.

It's a scant comfort when shit is hitting the fan, of course.

As Mars exits its retrograde at 17° Cancer on 2/23, Mercury in Pisces is in a watery trine to help sort out the pieces. Verbally, if possible. Talk things out in your personal life on or after the 23rd, and take real actionable steps to rectify any situations that have come up since December. Remember that it will be another two months before Mars is out of his post-retrograde shadow, so things will continue to arise for re-evaluation.

The Lights: The Sun and the Moon

As the Sun moves through Aquarius, it will conjunct Mercury at 20° on 2/9 and square Uranus on 2/11. (Mercury squares Uranus on 2/10 on the day in between). This is our big Ah-Ha moment for the month. If you're into truth-seeking or truth-revealing, these are the days to work with. Anytime the Sun squares Uranus, the chances of sudden changes go up, and so long as Uranus is in Taurus, the chances of natural disasters also increase. Uranus is the lightning strike on the Tower card in the tarot; it is unexpected and generally unavoidable. Take that as you will.

Our full moon at 24° Leo on 2/12 forms a t-square to Uranus in Taurus; this will be a high-energy day. Expect the unexpected. Uranus tends to turn the energy up to 11, which will heighten the intensity of our full moon, which is already quite intense. If you're sensitive, you may need to take steps to discharge the excess - whether through physical movement or grounding. Do what works for you, of course. It's worth noting that Uranus is the modern ruler of Aquarius; this is a great day to do magic for activism or anything that affects the greater good of society as a whole, the domain of Aquarius.

Our Leo Full Moon is a 7/9 Full Moon.

5 (Leo Moon) + 11 (Aquarius Sun) = 16 = 1+6 = 7. 7 (Leo full Moon) + 2 (February 2025) = 9.

You can work with the number 7 to seek the best for everyone or the number 9 to represent endings and completions. Note here that 2025 is a "9" Universal year, so this number is further highlighted during this time. The combination of these two numbers makes it a great day to Hex the Patriarchy or do other magic to end the influence of the current administration.

As our Sun enters Pisces on 2/18, we enter the last astrological month of the year. There's a lot of pressure to wrap things up before spring when the Sun crests 00° Aries and our hot-point degree of the year. Pisces carries a lot of dark moon energy naturally as it rules the 12th house of the unconscious, which goes doubly for this year. Pisces is also the new home of our North Node, which is already conjunct with Saturn and Neptune at the other end of the sign.

The lunar nodes indicate where our eclipses will occur, so we may begin to taste eclipse season on the horizon, but we need to get through our new moon at 09° Pisces on 2/27 first.

This solar-lunar conjunction makes a wide stellium with Saturn, whose sitting eleven degrees away at 21°, so fate may be hanging heavily in the air. This is triply dark moon energy: firstly from the natural lack of lunar light, secondly from the nature of the Pisces new moon/12th house, and thirdly because it is the last lunar event before our upcoming eclipse season. If you are in that hole, know you are right on time.

Our Pisces New Moon is a 6/8 New Moon.

12 (Pisces Moon) + 12 (Pisces Sun) = 24 = 2+4 = 6. 6 (Pisces New Moon) + 2 (February 2025) = 8.

With 8 energy in play, expect to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows, perhaps both almost at the same time as one another. Eight is the number of the ouroboros and the infinity sign; you can work with either of these symbols during this time to help move through the energy rather than getting stuck in it. This is the perfect lunar event for shadow work, divination, and anything you want to do unseen or in the dark.

The Lunar Nodes

It is worth noting the recent movement of our lunar nodes, who passed from the axis of Aries-Libra to the axis of Pisces-Virgo in January. The nodes are not physical bodies in our skies but mathematical points that indicate where the Sun, Moon, and Earth need to be in the skies to create our solar and lunar eclipses. They are always read as a pair: the North Node (traditionally the Head of the Dragon) is our point of forward-facing fate, the area of life society as a whole will need to focus on, and our South Node (traditionally the Tail of the Dragon) is the point of past-facing fate, the area of life we are moving away from as a collective.

Because we are entering Pisces season at the end of February, we can discern that our first eclipse season is on the horizon. This will be mixed-sign eclipses. As the lunar nodes are still on the cusp of the signs, we will experience a lunar eclipse in Virgo and a solar eclipse in Aries in March.

As we exit our new moon on 2/27, the energy leading up to our set of eclipses will rise. This tends to create much tension; this should be viewed as business as usual. I will speak more about our upcoming eclipses soon.

Mercury

As Mercury moves through Aquarius, they trine retrograde Jupiter in Gemini on 2/3, a check-in on our luck. Mercury is the native ruler of Gemini, but Jupiter is quite unhappy there (both in its retrograde and fall). Jupiter has been out of commission for a while now, and it's starting to show. When you can't rely on Jupiter, you must make your own luck. Mercury is a trickster, after all. This is a concept worth exploring at the beginning of the month.

Mercury passes across the boundaries of the Sun on 2/9, a position often known as Mercury Cazimi or Mercury combust. Traditional astrologers believed that the Sun overpowered the nature of Mercury, and times of Mercury combustion created slow, unintelligent types. I will say that I was born with Mercury conjunct to the Sun within 1 degree, and it is obvious how wordy I am. Mercury cazimi is a reminder that we are coming up fast on our first Mercury retrograde of the year, which will go from 09° Aries to 25° Pisces in March. Stay tuned for that, as it will coincide with Venus's retrograde over almost exactly the same degrees - this is the big meat of our spring season.

As Mercury crosses over the Sun, it also squares Uranus in Taurus - Uranus is often believed to be the higher octave of Mercury. Where Mercury is thought, Uranus is pure inspiration. Stay open to whatever channels are available to you during this time. This will be a great day for writers, inventors, artists, and diviners.

On 2/14, Mercury enters Pisces, the sign of Mercury's fall, as it is the opposite sign of one Mercury rules (Virgo). We might need to watch out for how we speak about ourselves and others during this time. Are we being truthful? Are we being kind? Mercury is concerned with precision in Virgo, and Pisces - ruled by the amorphous Neptune- is anything but. Sometimes, it is good to blur the lines, but often, Mercury in Pisces goes too far. Note here that Mercury's retrograde will include the end of Pisces, the sign of its fall, and Venus will be in her fall while she is in Aries - and Mars is in his fall while retrograding through Cancer.

This is a hint that none of us are at our best.

Maybe we need to judge less and accept ourselves for where we are.

As Mercury moves into Pisces, they square Jupiter on 2/20 - again, we may feel out of time (Mercury) and out of luck (Jupiter). There may be nothing that we can do about it (mutable square), but people may want to cry about it (Mercury in Pisces). Acceptance isn't easy, but it can help make sense of our lives.

As we round out the month, Mercury in Pisces trines retrograde Mars on the day he stations direct and then conjuncts Saturn on 2/25. There are consequences here. We must admit what we have done so that we can move forward.

Venus

As mentioned above, Venus is the vanguard of all of our planets that will enter 00° Aries this year - she does so for the first time on 2/4. Circle that date in your calendar; it's an important one. You may not note it as important this time around (on Venus's first pass), but what is coming up now is going to come back around again at least two more times through Venus's retrograde and possibly more as the Sun, Mercury, Saturn, and Neptune also cross this degree.

Happy spring a little bit early. Except it's not yet spring, and nobody is particularly happy about anything. Venus is in her fall in the cardinal fire sign of Aries because Aries is the opposite sign of her dominion, Libra. Venus naturally desires to play nice, smooth things over, and generally get along, while Aries is the sign of forging ahead, whatever the cost. Unless modified by a lot of watery energy, Aries types don't tend to give any shits about fitting in or playing nice. It is just their way. This costs Venus many of her best traits, and she loses her softer edges.

What if we aren't supposed to have these soft edges during this time? What if we all need to be a bit tougher, if we need to lean into what we believe and STAND UP for it? That is what Venus in Aries does best - she is, by her nature, virtually fearless.

Keep in mind that we are already in Venus's pre-retrograde shadow. This means that every degree she moves across this month will be retraced, in total, three times. She won't move more than thirteen degrees from where she is on 2/1 until 4/16 when she exits her post-retrograde shadow. This means that through a wide enough lens, she will carry the stellium with Neptune and the North Node all the way through from 2/1 to 4/16 for 75 days. In this time, the Sun will move through this stellium, and Mercury and Saturn will join it for their own retrograde cycles.

By weight, number of days in these degrees, and number of passes, Saturn certainly is the heavyweight here, but Venus is no slouch. Remember that, along with Mars, she is one of the two planets that governs how we all get along. Things might start to heat up (metaphorically) as she enters Aries early in February, and then she retrogrades and brings this heat back into Pisces, which might bring things to a true and for-real boil.

I don't say this to scare you, but we should all be prepared. From 12/6 to 4/12, all three of our personal planets will have retrogrades one after another. There is no getting along to be found or had. It won't be pretty or fun.

Set your expectations low, understanding that we are in the lead-up to this all month long. Venus retrogrades on 3/1 (also the day Mercury enters their pre-retrograde shadow at 25° Pisces), so the closer we get to March, the more apparent it might become that things aren't very copacetic. If you can't make heads or tails of other people - even your very closest - know that you are right on time. Venus slows down to a near standstill at the month's end, holding 10° Aries for an abnormally long time; this is going to feel like absolute shit - especially to anyone with a personal planet on or around 10° in any of the cardinal or fire signs.

There's just not much we can do about this except bear it.

Jupiter

After a very uncomfortable retrograde in the sign of its fall, Jupiter stations direct at 11° Gemini on 2/4, the beginning of a better day. Jupiter will move out of Gemini (finally) and into Cancer later this year - look forward to that. Our luck will return, slowly.

Looking Ahead

March is going to be a shit show; there's no way around it. Venus retrogrades on 3/1, and Mercury follows soon afterward - the two are retrograding in nearly identical ways - Venus from 10° Aries to 24° Pisces and Mercury from 09° Aries to 25° Pisces. It's going to be a rough one/two punch. And that's before we even consider eclipse season with a total lunar eclipse in Virgo and a partial solar eclipse in Aries that will form a stellium with the Sun, the Moon, and retrograde Mercury. retrograde Venus, Saturn, Neptune, and the North Node. Yep, it's a lot. Stay tuned.

The Details

2/1 - Venus conjunct Neptune 27° Pisces 2/3 - Mercury in Aquarius trine retrograde Jupiter in Gemini, retrograde Mars in Cancer square Chiron in Aries, Venus conjunct North Node 29° Pisces 2/4 - Venus enters Aries, Jupiter stations direct 11° Gemini 2/7 - Venus in Aries sextile Pluto in Aquarius, Neptune conjunct the North Node 28° Pisces 2/8 - Sun in Aquarius sextile Chiron in Aries, Mercury in Aquarius sextile Chiron in Aries 2/9 - Sun conjunct Mercury 20° Aquarius, retrograde Mars trine Saturn in Pisces 2/10 - Mercury in Aquarius square Uranus in Taurus 2/11 - Sun in Aquarius square Uranus in Taurus 2/12 - Full Moon 24° Leo 2/14 - Mercury enters Pisces 2/18 - Sun enters Pisces 2/20 - Mercury in Pisces square Jupiter in Gemini 2/23 - Mercury in Pisces trine retrograde Mars in Cancer, Mars stations direct 17° Cancer 2/25 - Mercury conjunct Saturn 20° Pisces 2/27 - New moon 09° Pisces

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[ebonysplendor]

Fallen Devotion (DEMO) Review 🔔🏍️

TL;DR: "We're gonna be best friends forever, right?" "Mmm, I dunno. You get kind've annoying sometimes." "That was a trick question. You will literally never be rid of me. Even if I die, I'll haunt you." "All right, all right; yes, we'll be best friends forever. I was just joking lol." "Lol yeah...but I wasn't." "What? o_o" "What? :)"

Game Link: https://billetdoux.itch.io/fallen-devotion

Notable Features: Self-Insert, Yandere LI, Supernatural LI, Selectable skin tone, Selectable Pronouns, Multiple Endings Spiciness: 0/5 -- No spiciness here! unfortunately But! He does give us a little hug, which was really nice :) LI Red Flags: 1.75 / 5 -- History of stalking and kidnapping. He's not much of a threat, right now...at least towards us.

Wanna know more? Nah. Not if you aren't at least 18, you don't. Frankly, you shouldn't even be on my page, because I am no where near child friendly. Oh, you're over 18? Well shit! Let's get into it!

I was so excited about this game demo dropping. I was so excited about this game demo dropping. I was so excited about this game demo dropping. I was so excited about this game. demo. dropping. You hear me?

Like, the moment I saw the LI I was just-- those of you who have been rocking with me for a while know that I have a massive thing for alt style men, and baby, when I saw him, it was wraps. I had been crushin' on that man since I saw the initial screenshot on Tumblr.

Anyways, thirstin' aside, I'm super excited to tell you about this one, because so much went down in the demo. Now, am I gonna tell everything that went down? No. But, what I am gonna do is tell you as much as possible without ruining the game itself. Trust me; you're gonna wanna give this a try for yourself after I give you a snippet of what's going down, and bro, shit is going down.

So boom.

Our bestie -- well, ex-bestie -- is dead.

That's already a lot going on in that one sentence, right? Nah, it goes farther than this.

Basically, it started -- at least today -- from us waking up from having a dream. Actually, scratch that, because it more like a nightmare at this point, and it's happened multiple times this week alone. What makes it a nightmare, though, is that it's always about our best friend, but no longer best friend, but not because he's dead, ex-best friend.

Like always, we try to brush it off as best as we can and head into work for some much needed sense of normalcy and, frankly, some grounding. It should really be noted that these frequent nightmares are really starting to wear down on us, though. Now, why is that?

Because, now, we're starting to hallucinate -- ...lmao -- random text messages and attributing random scribbled notes to his hand writing and ish because of it. Like, we seriously thought we saw the man's bike outside of our workplace. The sleep deprivation is real, ya feel me?

"Lol, nah, that's not why. It's because you're trying to act as if the guy never even existed. Did you ever think that maybe the universe or whatever is tryna tell you something? Because, if I was him, I'd be haunting your ass. ...You look a mess by the way lmao. You own a mirror or nah?"

ಠ_ಠ

Leave it to our co-worker to be brutally honest with us. It's almost as if the comment about us clearly trying to forget our best friend, but no longer best friend, let alone non-living ex-best friend wasn't enough. Despite that though, we know that the comment is from a place of care, because we really have been trying our absolute damnedest to drown out all memories and feelings associated with our ex-bestie. It was so bad to the point where we hadn't even gone to the guy's funeral. You noticed how I haven't even told you his name? Yeah, it's that real of an issue.

Now, this whole thing escalates when these first-year college kids come in talking about something called "soul ties". We don't have anything better to do so we unintentionally but intentionally eavesdrop for plot purposes. So, uh, that whole "soul tie" thing that they were talking about? It's basically how, if someone dies and they still have some unresolved stuff from their living days, they can just kinda bunk with someone who they were close to, because, apparently, it's way easy to communicate through their dreams.

(⊙_⊙;)

Well...talk about awkward, because if that's not exactly related to what we're going through right now. Did we hallucinate that ish, too?

Just on the off chance that it wasn't a hallucination this time -- "this time" lmao -- and is one of those signs from the universe that our coworker was going on about, guess what we did when we got home? Hit up the Goo-gley. Nah, I'm kidding...well, only slightly. We actually did search it up on Google, but our laptop kind've crapped out on us, so we didn't get super far.

Actually, I lowkey lied again. See, our laptop crapping out wasn't a coincidence. As soon as our laptop went "😵", a message came up like "Always looking for answers, but never asking the source. That's crazy...". So, now, we're lowkey gaslighting ourselves because ain't no way that's real, right? But it's like...that's clearly 1000% real.

"Will you let me in...?"

(⊙⁄ ⁄ ⁄﹏ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄⊙)

...I mean, shiiiiiiit, when you look like that, I just might, ya feel me?

But should we is the question.

Friends...Squad...the demo came out so good, y'all.

Holy hell, this demo came out so. friggin'. good. I felt things. I felt emotion. I felt anticipation. I felt delulu. Like, damn, why'd our (ex) best friend have to die?! But it's like, the how? Like, ah, the drama!

But no, this really was damn good. Those of you that have been rocking with me know that I get slutty for art style and CGs -- I frickin' loved the art style. Like, it was just so visually pleasing to look at. Shit, Clive -- that was his name by the way lmao -- was visually pleasing to look at, you know what I'm saying? Like, y'all see this?

Like, disrespectfully, speak for yourself MC, because he sure as hell is my type 𖹭 ...visuals wise, at least.

Speaking of things being visually pleasing to look at, can we please talk about our coworker Dariel? Look at him!

The way that the dev drew this healthy (I think) Black man! Actual tears. I love when people draw Black people with Black hair styles. Like, that man's hair is thiquxe. That man has a dedicated wash day. That man uses gyah damn shea butter and coconut oil daily. Like, dude, fucking pop off. I always appreciate diversity in a game, especially when it's done so right.

But anyways, the pacing was phenomenal. Like, the way that it gives you just enough information and just enough "Oh, he ain't wrapped too tight" and just enough trauma and just enough drama and just enough backstory--!! The way that the dev put all of that together was so--!! Bro, I'm in love. Like, I am so excited for the rest of this game to drop. Like, yo, how far is he about to go? Because y'all don't know yet, because I didn't tell you, but like...bro, anybody would be pissed in that scenario, but it's like...Clive is a yandere LI, so that's a different type of pissed for him. What I'm basically getting at is: What is Clive Donovan -- fun fact that's his last name. I didn't know until I was tagging it lol -- capable of?

This is honestly another Perfect Love -- y'all remember that review? --scenario. I could honestly drone on and on and do an unplanned 60+ minute powerpoint presentation on this game and how much I love it, but I will spare you that. What I won't spare you is the pressure I'm applying for you to play this game for yourself. I really hope I'm not overhyping it, but I thought it was really, really, really good, and I am excited for you to experience that for yourself; I need you to experience that for yourself. I mean, the link is right here. Just give it a little clicky click. Hell, while you're there, tell the dev "Hey. There was some chick on the internet foaming at the mouth over this game. I now understand. You're really good at doing the thing, so...keep doing the thing!". Monetary support is always appreciated as well, so if you're in the place to do so, give them that extra "Thank you".

That's not really all from me, because, like I said, I could keep going, but I'm going to stop it there. Highly suggested to give this game a try, but remember, it's just a demo. Don't get invested to the point where you wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night and start obsessively checking the dev page every 2 hours for an update...I'm totally not speaking from experience, by the way. That'd be...silly. ...ANYWAYS!

Here's the link to the game once again, here's a link to the dev's tumblr page, and, dude, biggest preesh for getting this far, because I do tend to yap a lot. I'm glad you stuck it out with me, and we could hang out for a bit.

Please, remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

Bro, Clive really does look good, like I want him to wife me up so bad...

Fallen Devotion (Demo)

Dev's Tumblr

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I have a love/hate relationship with having nothing to do. One one hand, for once my to-do list is relatively simple or empty, and I get to be free to do my own stuff. On the other hand, why do i have nothing to do? I never have 'nothing to do'- I need to find something to do right NOW, or I will combust from sheer paranoia of having forgotten a Big Thing To Do and actually it turns out I I am very busy even though I literally have nothing to do.

[uniiiquehecrt]

Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.

It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.

Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.

The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.

This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.

Actors are not the same as voice actors.

And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.

I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.

People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.

Voice Actors ≠ Actors.

[tenderpreyy]

​I’m thinking again about Astarions sexuality and how I've seen some people (to be fair, just a few) talk about it. Mainly, people pointing out his flamboyant behavior, and that us as players are learning more about his past male lovers than female ones and basically all these things for some people pointing to him being gay or at least not interested in women in the same way he is in men. And him only being a romance option regardless of gender, because, well, all companions are and he is therefore just "playersexual", only showing interest in female player characters because he has to, because of the game mechanics.

I think what really rubs me the wrong way about this topic is that it echoes the kind of things bi/pan people (speaking as a bisexual woman myself) find themselves dealing with irl. Whether through some form of internalized biphobia or from the outside through other people's comments. Of course this is about a fictional character so it’s not like he has any feelings that could be hurt. But when i see people tallying up how often he mentions men vs. how often he mentions women it really reminds me of a way of thinking I sometimes fall into in regards to my own sexuality. This is definitely just an internalized response and not something I actually believe when I truly think about it for a second, but I know these patterns of thought very well. Of observing my own behavior. How often do I find which gender attractive? Am I attracted "enough" to women? Do I talk about men's attractiveness too often? Is it the other way around? Am I only saying this woman is attractive to prove something to myself? I literally have a girlfriend and my attitude towards mine or other's sexual orientation is generally a huge big "whatever, I don't care". And I still have a passing thought like that from time to time.

So seeing people talk about a fictional character in this way really sends home how many people (whether consciously or unconsciously) see attraction as some sort of equation, you can solve, where in the end you get a result of either gay or straight.

[bayetea]

seeing non-black people critique rick's portrayal of black characters is interesting sometimes. only like 30% of the critiques I see make any sense to me to be honest

[statementlou]

.

[tzufcallsmeshomps]

Why did it take my landlords' young kid pulling a prank on me to realize I do in fact have unprocessed ptsd

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.