#HELP i'm trying to not get fast food but i'm craving it so bad

[poguniversity]

I must not get fast food. Fast food is the wallet killer. Fast food is the delicious death that brings total obliteration

[cvnt4him]

izuku or reader walking in on the other masturbating 🙀

guys i love him so much i’m gonna explode

It's late and I've been feeling very bad, I've been trying to animate for this man I'm in love w to get his attention but it's drawing as hell. So take some wack ass shit of my pookie sweetie honey bunches cutie patootie girly pop schnookums sweetie pie.

You were just making it home from work, tired and craving to lie in your husband's warm welcoming arms. Today was a long day and you had stayed a little later than expected, you texted izuku at the time you normally got off telling him you'd be home late and that he shouldn't wait up.

With a sigh and a low hang of your shoulders you unlocked your front door and walked inside, the smell of food barely present he had cooked despite having worked himself. It was sweet that he did little things like this to show you he cared and appreciated you.

You set the keys down on the key ring and took your shoes off, hanging your bag up as well. You were ready to jump in your bed next to your husband and call it a night, the thought of that sounded so good and had clouded your thoughts completely before you were snapped out..

You walked to your door and heard noises coming from behind it, your heart sank. What the fuck.... The sounds were lewd, moans and whines being heard. Your first thought was what any normal person would think. He was cheating on you, but just as you were about to slam open that door and beat someone's ass, you heard a pathetic high pitched whine of your name.

“ y/n~ please... ”

Everything started making much more sense now, izuku was masturbating! The thought made you chuckle, you wanted to see the sight of it. The sight of your precious husband lusting after himself, chasing his orgasm yearning to cum. For you at that, he kept moaning your name like a girl.

His moans were so high in octave and almost similar to a porn stars, hell they'd be envious. His sounds were so precious and alluring you wanted to see him terribly so. You slowly and quietly cracked open the door, just enough for you to see your husband.

To no one's surprise, he was touching himself. But it was the most delicious sight in the world, his head was thrown back in pure ecstasy his mouth wide open and such lewd moans were leaving like melted butter, they just fell from his lips so naturally all the slutty things he was murmuring to himself. Something about it hurting and how he wanted to feel his cock deep inside of you

None of those wonderful things could compare to how he was pleasure himself, it was the most pathetic and desperate shit you'd ever seen from him. And it's like hes just so accident prone to doing pathetic things, like whining and he doesn't get his way, or burying his face in your ass with a stupid whimper when you're lying on your tummy. He was just a pathetic guy sometimes.

Izuku had his thighs wide open, his cock twitching and leaking so much cum there was so much coating his hands his thighs and his tummy, from what little you could see it looked like some had even gotten on his face. His hand was hurriedly stroking his fat milk crying cock, his thumb occasionally grazed over his tip and smeared every little ounce of cum that prickled at his engorged and furiously red tip.

His cock was throbbing and aching you could tell, but that wasn't stopping him. He was desperate and he knew what he wanted, but that wasn't all, oh no. He was using his other hand to shove a dildo inside of his ass, he wasn't moving that hand ad fast as he was his dominant hand [his right hand, the hand hes jacking off w] but he was still shoving it inside of himself.

It was so cute you wanted to cry, he was so horny he couldn't help himself he wanted to feel maximum pleasure, as much as his body would let him. Who knows how long he's been going at it, who knows when he intended on stopping, if he even did! All you knew was this was far too delicious to let end so quickly.

You crept in the room closing the door behind you, you walked towards him silently your socks quieting your steps. You say at the foot of the bed right in front of him, he didn't even notice. You were fighting the urge to burst out laughing, he was being so sneaky lusting after himself like this.

With a small sigh you trail your hands up his cum covered thigh making him pull his head towards you with a wide eyed expression, he let out a small scream and jumped stopping both of his hand movements. He was so embarrassed he face had gotten even more red, you could fully see his fucked out face. The sweat on his forehead shining under the moonlights glow sticking some of his now dampened hair to it. His tear stained cheeks, all red and covered in tears and some of his cum that you could see. His lips that had clearly been chewed on plump and a deep shade of pink. His eyes were glossy and still leaking some kind of tears.

You giggled at the shocked expression on his face and the fact his cock was still twitching. You looked him deep into his sweet blown wide eyes, he bit his lip started shaking he whined loudly his eyes fluttering shut. You were confused, what could've caused this sudden reaction? You looked down to see his cock spurting out a fuck ton of cum.

“ fuck.. I'm c- cumming...”

He said defeatedly, not even going to hide it. You'd walked in at the right time, he was just so pent up and so close he couldn't help but to cum under your intense gaze. His poor cock just leaking out cum, it was basically crying.

He was so needy that he had completely ruined himself at the sheer thought of you. What a fucking whore. His hands were up and he stuttered on his words trying to find an excuse to explain what else was doing, touching himself in your shared bed his cum not only on the covers but literally all over himself too, not just that but a dildo still in his fucking ass. There was no explanation and you both knew that. There was no point in trying to explain something that didn't need to be explained.

“ m’sorry baby.. couldn't help myself... felt too good..”

“ shh baby, it's okay. I understand. you were needy and were all alone... what else were you to do, huh baby boy?”

Izuku whimpered and his lidded expression came back, his breaths were shaky and he was still just so hard. His cock looked so red and messy it was almost such a good look on him.

“ it's okay baby, I'll take good care of you hm? how does that sound?”

He whined in response a wobbly smile forming on his pink tinted lips, he was in for one hell of a ride and he couldn't wait. So eager to please and so ready to cum buckets more for you. After all it was your fault he was like this, you'd let him please you, right?

AN: yummers bro he is just so urghehab. I need him I just NEED to have him a withering mess for me bruv.

[hisui-dreamer]

cook your way to your man's heart!

Characters: Deuce, Ruggie, Jade, Malleus

Synopsis: In which you decide to cook your guy's favourite food to condition them into liking you. Don't underestimate a person in love!

Tags: fluff, crack, reader is good at cooking, food is used as bribery, bot proofread

Word count: 766

Notes: inspired by this post

Disclaimer: this post is entirely light-hearted and as a PSA, please do not manipulate people.

Masterlist

this man adores you to bits

house-spouse material!!

every time he's so curious to see what you made for him

is it an egg sandwich? a quiche? an omelette? egg rolls?

he'll happily eat all of it, he loves your food!

refuses to share with anyone else unless it’s you

he finds you so endearing and he really appreciates the gesture

he would offer to cook with you or help you wash the dishes

before he knows it, he wants to always be close to you

walks you to school every morning, saves you a seat at lunch, etc.

when you tell him you made him food bc you liked him, he’ll be ecstatic

you put in all that effort for him?? that’s so sweet of you!

he wants to introduce you to his mom and see you two working in the kitchen together, his two most favourite people in the world

"Prefect, thank you so much for making me food!" Deuce says heartily. "Everything tastes amazing, you're so talented! I'm so happy to eat your cooking!"

oh he falls for it so bad

house-spouse material no.2!!

while he's careful with trusting people, he can't deny seeing you makes him so happy and he just can't resist the food

every time he sees you his tail is shaking in excitement

he has half a mind to wonder where you're getting the expenses from to keep making food for him

but hey how could he ever resist donuts?

he's so flattered and wants to repay you somehow

finds more opportunities to spend time with you in his busy schedule

works extra hard to earn thaumarks and get you some gifts

also he's always there for you if you need help

by the time he realises, he's head over heels in love with you

he can't say he minds, you're such a lovely person and you come with great food!

"Wow Prefect, are you trying to bribe me with donuts? I'm not that easy, ya know. Shishishi!" Ruggie laughs, his lips coated in chocolate. "But I gotta say, these donuts are awesome. You really know how to make a guy feel special. Thanks a ton, you're the best," he beams.

he's cautious when you start giving him food withouta good reason

he knows what you're up to fast

what else would you expect from a master manipulator like himself?

he'll play along though, only to enjoy your cooking

he does appreciate the effort you're putting in to make him happy by preparing his favorite food

even though he knows, he still finds himself looking forward to seeing what new dish you might bring

would it be octopus carpaccio? a toasted mushroom and egg sandwich?

he loves everything you make for him

eventually he'll find himself in love with you, but only willfully

by that point he'll start teasing you and play around with your expectations to keep you on your toes

truly a match made in heaven, two scheming dorks in love

but hey, all's fair in the game of love

"Why thank you, Prefect. Your thoughtfulness is truly appreciated," Jade says as he savors another bite. "This octopus carpaccio is quite exquisite. Perhaps you'd be kind enough to impart some of your culinary secrets to me? I would love learning from such a skilled cook." He's smiling but there's a certain glint to his eyes.

happy dragon noises

he's so in love with you omg

he was already interested to you when he met you in ramshackle

but one night you started offering him ice cream?

he's smitten

and you made it by yourself???

lilia's holding him back from marrying you instantly

he’ll find himself visiting you whenever he’s craving food or you

he's so fascinated by how ice cream is made and all the different flavours he can try

insert image of malleus furiously shaking a plastic bag with ice and cream in it

appreciates your determination and hard work in the kitchen so much

it makes him feel so valued and cared for

gives you all of his treasures to woo you and pays for all of the ingredients

and offers to help you in the kitchen, although you should keep a close eye on him if you don't want ramshackle burnt to the ground

Malleus smiles at you contently. "Might I express my sincerest gratitude, prefect? Your efforts to make my favorite food are not unnoticed, and I am deeply appreciative of your kindness," he says. "Your gifts are cherished, and I find myself drawn to your company more and more each day."

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[cocoa-rococo]

Koopaling Headcanons: Iggy

Larry | Morton | Wendy | Iggy | Roy | Lemmy | Ludwig

The wild child, the mad lad, the resident scientist himself! I think about him a regular amount.

Left-handed.

His powers are more plant-based, and he's very good at controlling them, but inventing is a big hobby of his that plays into how he attacks. To put it in other terms, he's got Artificer software running on Druid hardware.

His eye color is a rare mutation of his draconic koopa biology, though it does give him some issues with his vision, hence the glasses.

He's definitely wacky, but he's not actually ‘demented’ or ‘insane’ like most think he is. That being said, he likes to play up the whole ‘mad scientist' act around other people because he enjoys their reactions. Maybe a little too much…

April Fool's is a banned celebration in the castle because of him. Not that it stops him from pulling pranks on any other day of the year.

His favorite fruits are more tropical things; kiwis, pineapples, and starfruit.

Prefers Chain Chomps and other animals to people, as he's not great with conversation nor predicting people. Rumor has it that he can actually speak with them, but whether it's true remains to be seen.

He occasionally gets nonverbal when an experiment goes awry, or when he’s so upset he can’t find the words for it. His siblings check in on him every once in a while, and he does end up speaking again after a few hours / a day.

His hair naturally falls into a mohawk like in his earlier depictions; he just likes styling it back to differentiate himself from Lemmy.

Doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, but he's a big fan of savory things. That said, he does have a fondness for carrot cake.

He actually made his glasses when he realized his eyes didn’t see well with traditional lenses… and because he needed something that was fireproof, blast-proof, and freeze-proof, just to name a few. When he realized he could market it on a professional basis, Iggy’s Glass was created.

He's a big fan of his veggies! He's not a strict vegetarian, nor is he opposed to meat whatsoever, he just likes his greens more. Like I said, Druid hardware.

Speaking of food, if he's craving something, he often decides what to have not by flavor, but by texture. He looooves crunchy stuff or things he can rip into, like sandwiches with hard bread or jerky sticks.

He helps Wendy with her baking hobby! Baking is just another form of chemistry, after all, and he likes having something to do with his hands. He doesn't like cooking much, though. Too much guesswork.

He makes so many things for his siblings for holidays and birthdays, and is always touchingly surprised if they get him something personal or practical (not that he shows it).

He got Morton a camera for his tenth birthday to support his scrapbooking hobby, and is secretly very pleased that Morton takes such good care of it. He also denies crying when Morton showed him the page he made of the two of them with the photos he took.

His handwriting is the worst out of the seven. Given how fast he needs to write to keep up with his experiments, and his habit of using short phrases that only he understands, it's really legible to just him.

He genuinely is pretty funny. His humor is skewed towards shitposter memes thanks to Roy and Larry, but his sense of comedic timing to drop a bomb or punchline is perfect.

Will respond to highly cursed memes and images along the lines of "Oh, that's AWFUL. I LOVE IT."

His currency is amusement. You wanna get on his good side or impress him, making him laugh. This is harder then it sounds; if he can tell you’re trying too hard, he’ll just blast you with sarcasm.

Ludwig is teaching him how to play the accordion. It’s just as chaotic as it sounds.

He's a big fan of bad B-movie horrors, making fun of them while also unironically enjoying how terrible they are. He's got a few posters of them in his room.

He was the dog version of a warrior cats kid. I'm sorry, but it's true.

He likes to collect bugs! It's not a very big collection, seeing as the Darklands is uninhabitable by a majority of insects, but he likes learning and talking about them to anyone interested.

One of the most terrifying generals out of the Koopalings to the troops; not because he’s especially mean or strict or anything, but because you’ll have no idea how he’ll react to something. He is, however, perhaps also one of the the least military-inclined out of his siblings, much preferring his lab to a war room.

Will wear the UGLIEST shirts with zero concerns. Will also wear socks and sandals. Wendy loathes him.

Doesn't like coffee; the taste makes him nauseous. He's more of a soda guy, anyway.

He and Larry are huge sci-fi nerds, and enjoy bonding over comics and mecha anime and going to cons together. Also a big fan of horror; the more gore, the better.

Cannot draw people for shit. Animals and plants he can do okay at, but more in an anatomical kind of way then any artistic sort of style. Blueprints, however, are a different story.

Genuinely likes pistachio ice cream. None of his siblings know why, nor do they want to know.

Like Lemmy, he's very much a fan of pulling a prank and doing the "ohhhh I'm just a little guy, and it's my birthday, I'm a lil birthday boooy" routine. Unlike Lemmy, this rarely works for him.

His lab is his safe haven; it may be a mess in some places, but it's his mess. If you touch something you shouldn't, be prepared to get whacked.

Can and will pick up bugs and eat them. Bonus if they’re dipped in chocolate.

He doesn’t have any particular favorite flowers, but he's got a side hobby of cross-breeding and mutating plants for both science and in the sense of, in his own terms, “fucking around and finding out.”

[sunkissedchldrecon]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒆𝒂𝒕

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the sandwich, pile two is the strawberries and whip cream, and so on and so forth.

this PAC is intended for when you want to eat but don't know what you should make or order. you probably shouldn't use this daily, but if you want to: be my guest!

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 🍓

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy: 

"Chocolate Legs" by Eric Benet

"One Last Time" from Hamilton the Musical

"Victory Song" by Stray Kids

Cards:

Ace of Minuta, Judgement (Rx), The High Priestess, Queen of Lunga (Rx)

Reading:

For those who chose this pile, there's an emphasis on cooking at home and being spontaneous! Something organic, grown in your backyard, or very heavily focused on home cooking would be good to eat right now. Try not being so focused on following a recipe perfectly; don't be afraid to make mistakes or to do things out of order - that's the joy of cooking. Trust your intuition to guide you while cooking! 

stelline pasta

mexican food

tteokbokki with rose water

salt & pepper

"sweet indulgence"

sweets in general, or as a base flavor

spicy as a secondary flavor

homemade/homegrown

family recipe

tomato

fruit

corn

hot, fire

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy: 

"god is a woman (live)" by Ariana Grande

"U Remind Me" by Usher

"Run" by Otis Kane

Cards:

The Emperor (Rx), King of Minuta, Seven of Minuta, Three of Ripiena, Page of Lunga

Reading:

Pile two, you may want to eat something that's a little messy and "heavy". There's an emphasis on indulgence and eating a little more than you might usually. You should eat something that's quick to make or to pick up yet that leaves you full and satisfied. You might even make it an event and invite family or friends over to eat with you! Overall there's an emphasis on speed and/or actually feeling full. 

(red) wine

champagne

orzo pasta

lasagna

seafood boil

ramen

loaded nachos

casserole

heavy sauce (ie. pasta, alfredo, dressing, etc.)

soul/southern food

heavy and indulgent

layered

"something that fills you up" - not a snack

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy: 

"Speed of Love" by Kelly Rowland

"Little People" by Todrick Hall

"Finesse (Remix)" by Bruno Mars (feat. Cardi B)

Cards:

Nine of Minuta, Two of Lunga, Four of Ripiena, Four of Lunga

Reading:

If you chose this pile, there's an emphasis on food that takes time to cook, receive, or eat. If you feel like eating out, you should eat something that's rich and savory - you might even order the most expensive thing on the menu. You might even eat two entrees or dishes! A new take on a comfort food might also be a good option. 

spaghetti

barbecue (specifically smoked or heavily marinated)

steak

brisket

chicken adobo

tex-mex

fusion cuisine 

savory as a primary flavor

comfort food

soul/southern food

double entrée

expensive - in amount of food or in actual price

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy: 

"Dangerous" by YG & Mozzy (feat. G Herbo)

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by Pentatonix

"Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj

Cards:

Eight of Minuta (Rx), Nine of Corta (Rx), Ace of Minuta, Three of Corta

Reading:

This is my fast food pile! If you're craving something from a drive-thru or something that's typically labeled as "bad" for you, go ahead and get it! I also intuitively heard the "girl dinner" song, so I'm also getting you might eat food that's considered more of a snack or a bunch of snacks if you want. Either way, something you can make quickly or take on-the-go would be good. 

fast food/drive-thru food

microwavable food 

mcdonalds

chicken nuggets

panda express

snack food

chips

popcorn

trail mix

charcuterie board

lunchables

food tray

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒆𝒂𝒕

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the sandwich, pile two is the strawberries and whip cream, and so on and so forth.

this PAC is intended for when you want to eat but don't know what you should make or order. you probably shouldn't use this daily, but if you want to: be my guest!

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 🍓

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Chocolate Legs" by Eric Benet

"One Last Time" from Hamilton the Musical

"Victory Song" by Stray Kids

Cards:

Ace of Minuta, Judgement (Rx), The High Priestess, Queen of Lunga (Rx)

Reading:

For those who chose this pile, there's an emphasis on cooking at home and being spontaneous! Something organic, grown in your backyard, or very heavily focused on home cooking would be good to eat right now. Try not being so focused on following a recipe perfectly; don't be afraid to make mistakes or to do things out of order - that's the joy of cooking. Trust your intuition to guide you while cooking! 

stelline pasta

mexican food

tteokbokki with rose water

salt & pepper

"sweet indulgence"

sweets in general, or as a base flavor

spicy as a secondary flavor

homemade/homegrown

family recipe

tomato

fruit

corn

hot, fire

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"god is a woman (live)" by Ariana Grande

"U Remind Me" by Usher

"Run" by Otis Kane

Cards:

The Emperor (Rx), King of Minuta, Seven of Minuta, Three of Ripiena, Page of Lunga

Reading:

Pile two, you may want to eat something that's a little messy and "heavy". There's an emphasis on indulgence and eating a little more than you might usually. You should eat something that's quick to make or to pick up yet that leaves you full and satisfied. You might even make it an event and invite family or friends over to eat with you! Overall there's an emphasis on speed and/or actually feeling full. 

(red) wine

champagne

orzo pasta

lasagna

seafood boil

ramen

loaded nachos

casserole

heavy sauce (ie. pasta, alfredo, dressing, etc.)

soul/southern food

heavy and indulgent

layered

"something that fills you up" - not a snack

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Speed of Love" by Kelly Rowland

"Little People" by Todrick Hall

"Finesse (Remix)" by Bruno Mars (feat. Cardi B)

Cards:

Nine of Minuta, Two of Lunga, Four of Ripiena, Four of Lunga

Reading:

If you chose this pile, there's an emphasis on food that takes time to cook, receive, or eat. If you feel like eating out, you should eat something that's rich and savory - you might even order the most expensive thing on the menu. You might even eat two entrees or dishes! A new take on a comfort food might also be a good option. 

spaghetti

barbecue (specifically smoked or heavily marinated)

steak

brisket

chicken adobo

tex-mex

fusion cuisine 

savory as a primary flavor

comfort food

soul/southern food

double entrée

expensive - in amount of food or in actual price

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Dangerous" by YG & Mozzy (feat. G Herbo)

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by Pentatonix

"Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj

Cards:

Eight of Minuta (Rx), Nine of Corta (Rx), Ace of Minuta, Three of Corta

Reading:

This is my fast food pile! If you're craving something from a drive-thru or something that's typically labeled as "bad" for you, go ahead and get it! I also intuitively heard the "girl dinner" song, so I'm also getting you might eat food that's considered more of a snack or a bunch of snacks if you want. Either way, something you can make quickly or take on-the-go would be good. 

fast food/drive-thru food

microwavable food 

mcdonalds

chicken nuggets

panda express

snack food

chips

popcorn

trail mix

charcuterie board

lunchables

food tray

[malegains]

Week 1: My boyfriend got this new supplement for me to try. I'm just here on a track scholarship, but he's taking organic chemistry, so he probably knows what he's talking about. He says it would really help my 500 time if I can strengthen my legs.

Week 3: My legs are definitely stronger, but so is everything else. I gained 40 pounds already, up from 147... I've been fighting these hunger cravings, but I can't help indulging sometimes. It's like the stuff is soaking up my fat. I might have to up calories soon, though. These injections take so much out of me, I barely have the energy to run. Half an hour of light weightlifting with my boyfriend is all I can manage

Week 6: I caved. I couldn't help it any more, I was just so hungry. Boyfriend says it's normal, and that if I stay the course and finish the regiment I'll be able to run again. He says if I don't, my metabolism will spike and I'll lose everything, but he looked away when he said that. At least he's helping keep me satiated. 246 pounds this morning, but who knows how much is food

Week 10: 318 pounds… My boyfriend must have been dead wrong when he sweet talked me into trying this. Or else he knew and just didn't tell me... I bought a shirt yesterday: 4XL. I didn't want to buy a second because I don't know when I'll need to replace it. At this rate I’ll be in 5XL by next week. Will I ever run again? Will I ever stop growing? I don't know if I care. All I think about is food. I ache so bad after each meal, but it only goes away when I lift. It's like an orgasm hits me whenever I hit failure and I have to grind a rep back down safe. And then I'm hungry again. Only two weeks left. I don't know what's going to happen to me.

Fuck it. My body's already ruined, I'm gonna GORGE. Let's see what gives first: my appetite or my skin

Week 14: I think it finally stopped. Only three pounds gained last week, bringing me to 416. The gut is receding fast as we taper down the calories, though, so I might still be growing a lot more than I realize. Running? I can barely walk anymore.

My boyfriend says he can afford another 12-week cycle. Now we just have to decide who gets it.

- story and images submitted by the depraved genius SpaceWerewolf, you can and should read his muscle growth epic fantasy/romance/horror The Problem with Patrons right now. Click it! Click the title!

[sirfrogsworth]

I'm still not feeling great, but I really needed groceries. So I forced myself to go last night, which was a really bad idea considering I hadn't recovered from post-exertional malaise as it was.

But I didn't have much food due to stalling for so long. I know I could do delivery or have someone pick stuff up, but I really need to walk around and pick things out. If I am not in the mood for something I won't eat it. I can be picky that way. And then it spoils and I have to throw it out. It's just better if I go to the store and find things that my brain has a craving for.

It just seems like whenever I have the least energy and I try to do a short, simple trip out of the house, I have all of these mini-adventures that make it not as short and simple.

In this case, I didn't even make it out of my driveway before the adventures began. I got in the car there was a warning my tire pressure was low. And usually it isn't that bad and I can just fill up the tires when I have more energy. But one tire was extremely low, so I didn't want to chance it.

I wish I knew why my tires lose air so fast. Seems like I fill them every week or two. I read it could be bad valve stems. But like, on all the tires? I'll save that mystery for another day.

Unfortunately putting air in my tires is just about the hardest task for me specifically. Even if I sit on a stool, I have to bend down in a way that pushes my belly against my lungs. I run out of breath very quickly and so I have to go up and down many times to finish filling the tire. By the end of filling all 4 tires, I was sweating, exhausted, out of breath, light headed, and nauseous.

I really need to find a better way to fill my tires. I could try sitting on the ground, but standing up from the ground is not always easy for me and I'd have to do it 4 times.

I wonder if there is a place I can tip someone to do it.

I digress.

I make it to Sam's and I am struggling before even walking in the store. And they have gigantic shopping carts that take much more energy to push around. Schnucks has these little baby carts that are great for when you need a few items. I guess Sam's assumes if you are going to a bulk store you are going to buy in bulk.

I get my sushi and my brownie bites and everything else and head towards checkout. I have a bit too much stuff for self checkout to make sense, so I get in line.

On one side of me was a guy who was impulse buying a 65" TV. Which is a really bad idea. You should never buy any electronics without researching it first. (Or ask me. Everyone should always ask me before buying technological items.) He was buying a TV that was made to be thin. And if he needed a super thin TV, and he couldn't afford an OLED, it was an okay choice. But for the same price he could get a thicker TV with much better image quality. There was a part of me that wanted to take him back over to the TV aisle and help him make a better decision. But my anxiety thought of about 30 ways that could have backfired and I was barely standing.

And then there was this cart in front of me...

Seriously?

Is there a midwestern hurricane headed this way or something?

I don't even understand how they did this.

This isn't Tetris. This is... overstuffing a turkey.

I'm a little worried about those eggs too.

Thankfully a new lane opened up and I didn't have to wait 30 minutes for them to figure out how to deal with that.

I did try to use my amazing Tetris skills to arrange my items so the bar code was visible for each one. (I probably could have done self checkout, I guess.) Last time the lady thanked me for making it so easy for her. So I was waiting for this lady to pull out her laser shootie price gun and start zapping my stuff.

But she unloaded everything in my cart onto the conveyor.

My shopping cart Tetris skills went unnoticed and she had to do 3 times the work.

Then I get out to the parking lot and a bunch of carts are all blocking the disabled parking space for people with rear-loading wheelchairs.

I tried to move some of them as I went by. I just didn't have the energy to put them all in the receptacle. But even if they are in the yellow zone, that is where they need to unload the wheelchair. I'm just so tired of people being inconsiderate like this.

And I also see a lot of disabled people without wheelchairs using this space. I suppose if it is the only one available, but this is such a great accommodation for wheelchair users. It is much safer to unload away from traffic. I would rather park in the back of the lot than take this option from someone.

Oh, and Schnucks has one of the disabled spots reserved for police and that makes me so mad too. They can double park if there is an emergency. I never see a cop car in that space and so many people could be using that.

Sorry, after pushing my dad around for a year I have become very sensitive to this.

I really wanted to drive straight home, but I still needed some soup and black cherry soda from Schnucks. I probably should have gone back a different day, but sometimes a different day isn't for weeks. So I just got it all done at once. Plus I really wanted to try that Vess black cherry.

Sorry, RefresCoVesScnhucks™ Black Cherry Soda.

I've been pretty sore all day. And I'm still not prepared for the second house auction. And people are coming to pick stuff up from the first auction on Friday. The house is a mess again. Half the groceries aren't put away.

I'm going to need to pull my lantern battery out of the pocket dimension to charge myself back up.

[stuckyfingers]

I'm just thinking about autistic Steve...

(I'm not as well educated about autism as I'd like to be so do correct me if I'm wrong)

Like, he's always been 'weird' even apart from his physical disabilities. He's felt a kind of self hatred over how sensitive he is to little things that are wrong but he can't explain why.

He hated talking but also loved talking about one specific thing that noone had any idea why he liked. (If someone can headcanon his hyperfixation, that'd be great). Either way, it didn't make him very popular among his peers. As a child he'd get bullied for just about anything because of how many faux pas-es he made.

He'd try to get home as soon as possible from school and shut himself into his plywood cabin of a room and cry. Bucky theorized that he was a vampire because of how much he liked fabric lined dark places.

He never guessed it wasn't normal to hate wearing clothes, so he continued living in constant discomfort and caution. Sarah had caught on to the specificities of how he needed his food and tried her best to get his safe foods on the table despite being poor. (Yes, she even called it that.)

Did I mention he also starts crying when he can't predict his day. And when things get more and more uncertain with the Depression swinging in, he gets so stressed that his heart problems worsen.

But having Bucky as a friend helps them both survive the times. Bucky was the only person who seemed unconcerned and unjudgmental about Steve's 'moodiness' and 'fidgeting'. He tried to understand when Steve described sensory overloads to him, and though he couldn't relate he accommodated Steve as much as he could.

Steve was frighteningly smart and picked up on every social cue he found, organizing them into a mental flowchart, assuming that this was what everyone did. But for most of his childhood he saw himself as less smart because Bucky seemed to be able to tell him things that he somehow still missed.

"Well how the fuck am I supposed to know that if they don't give any indication of being sarcastic?"

"Because it's not sarcasm, Steve... It's just- talking shop. A fake nice word, just because."

"How am I supposed to tell the difference?"

"Well, you just do. I don't know how you could... consciously do it."

By the miracle of God (and Bucky) he pushes through Eugenics era until 1943.

The Serum brings color to his eyes and more sound to his bad ear.

And he hates it.

But what's new is how much more physical energy he has to mask it.

It feels comparatively better to be able to mask without getting exhausted so fast, so he assumes his 'weirdness' has been cured and goes to war. In his line of work, however, he never gets a day's rest for his brain that craved routine, and because of how he's now able to push the feeling deep down and cover it up, Bucky can hardly recognize him.

And when he's out of the ice, his brain is turned to mush at having to learn new cues along with being autistic but anyone in that situation would have found it as difficult, so he passes it off.

One day he sees one of the people at Sam's VA talked about how their autism shaped their experience of PTSD differently, and Steve did the customary google search to learn more about it.

It said 'can't make eye contact'. But he knew the correct ratio of eye contact / looking away and what part of the eye he could look at so that it wouldn't drive him mad.

It said 'sensory issues' and he felt bad for those who actually had it because that must be horrible.

'Black and White thinking' okay but that doesn't mean- but see, he did know that illegal things weren't necessarily bad, right? He was ready to accept the criminality of something if it was a means to a moral end. And maybe there were some things that he could not see any nuance in but there were so many things he could. He couldn't have believed in Bucky if his thinking was Black and White right?

'Lack of empathy' No. Steve didn't understand people's feelings immediately, but he always logically guessed when they needed help. He kept note of the things that people found comforting so that he could be of comfort when they were down. He was empathetic, right?

He knew he wasn't autistic. (spoiler alert, he's just reading the symptoms from an outside perspective)

It's when he starts following more and more autistic creators that he felt less wrong for those weird things he did as a kid. He chuckles nervously scrolling through the tiktoks like "Ha ha why are ya'll so relatable"

He's not immune to the stigma but comes to terms with it. It feels a lot like how he came to terms with being queer. He's even surprised when he realizes that he was also wrongly assuming that it was gone because of the serum when it just became more manageable (for others) when he did.

Bucky listens like he always did when Steve explains things to him. And after a long while of living his truth with Bucky, Steve gets more comfortable describing himself as autistic to other people as well.

He starts experimenting with stimming, which already feels MILES better than forcing himself into a 'calm' and steady Captain's body language. Once he retires after Endgame, he surrounds himself with comfort and accommodations in his apartment and builds a routine he can finally be at peace with.

[3liza]

Saw your post asking about insulin resistance without high blood sugar, and yeah I have experience with that exact thing. Everyone in my family has some sort of awful blood sugar issues, but despite having something clearly wrong with me my glucose tests and a1c's were coming back thoroughly normal. I got lucky with a decent doctor and she ordered an insulin test (usually more accurate with fasting I believe, but the result was rather high anyways) and she noted that it was high and told me to try out a diabetes diet to see if it helped.

I'm on a strict low-glycemic index diet now and it's really improved my health, mostly my mental health, but my skin has been upgraded from "abysmal" to a firm "mediocre."

Do I know what's wrong? No. Probably never will, but I'm feeling a lot better at least.

huh. thats useful info. im about to get a new doctor, i wonder if she'll be willing to entertain this sort of weirdness

edit: i just feel Bad and Sick if i eat a sufficient amount of sugar. systemic symptoms, skin gets worse, actual skin pathology like wounds not healing or eczema/psoriasis/fungus gets worse, migraines get triggered, pain flares, etc. not normal person "i ate too much sugar i feel temporarily sub-optimal" halloween candy coma, but i will get actually sick for a few days if i over-indulge. but i crave sugar constantly, which doesnt really mean anything, lots of people crave sugar because It Tastes Good so its not exactly diagnostic. sometimes the sugar cravings seem uncontrollable, like "i need to get out of bed where i am trying to sleep and eat something sweet or i cant think about aything else" kind of stuff. my parents do this same dance with carbohydrates and sugar, they feel awful, eat a cookie, feel awful, recover, say stuff like "oh i shouldnt eat the cookie", and it cycles. some of it is eating disorder crap, which is real hard to differentiate from other issues. some of it is being underweight/underfed from gastroparesis (which I have, pretty badly) which means certain circumstances of calorie shortages, bad digestion, whatever, can align perfectly to trigger I Am Starving I Need to Overeat Right Now Or I'll Die programming in the ape brain, and again, thats real hard to separate from blood sugar symptoms and eating disorder symptoms because they all get tied up together.

however, if i manage to grocery shop in the correct way to provide myself with ample available appropriate food, and i can eat ketogenic or nearly-ketogenic with focuses on dairy fat and just regular animal meat and fresh veg, with minimal or no grains, starches, and sugars, i feel like 60% better on all axes. my dad, too, eventually, after he got diagnosed, was instructed to stop eating most carbs etc and immediately lost all the extra weight he was uncomfortable with his whole life, and immediately got less chronically crappy-feeling. so there's something going on, i just dont know if its medical or genetic or what. some people just dont do well with a lot of grains and theres no particular medical reason.

[just-some-trans-nobody]

Yautja x trans read on period part 2

Looks like I'm making three parts cause I got some great suggestion's for a male yautja from @empressnarria that I just had to write, than you for the amazing suggestion. The next part will be a female yautja.

Same warnings as the first part but of course I'll add them to this one.

Warnings: blood, swearing, bones, period,

Like always

Minors don't interact!!!

This like the first part is just a whole lot of fluff from your yautja mate.

Formated on a phone, sorry if it looks wonky on different devices. Not spell checked, I'll fix any if anyone finds them.

------------------------------------------------------------

Male Yautja

Having cravings your mate can't get from his planet? He's flying off to earth to get you anything you want to eat and extra just in case. If your craving different stuff and ask him about those when he gets back he'll sigh and march right back into his ship to get that too.

He will want to try what you get though, it must be good if he had to go all the way to earth to get it, it was worth it though to see how happy you were he would do it again of you asked him. When he tried your chocolate icecream that seemed to have more chocolate added to it than possible he reeled back holding his head. It hurt! Why were you eating something that causes pain!? He was so confused when he heard you laughing at him, he looked like a kicked puppy as he held his head. You had to explain to him that eating ice cream to fast causes brain freeze and it will pass.

He won't eat ice cream again not trusting it. However he wouldn't say no to a little if you spoon feed him it.

Now if you have a meat craving that he can get on board with he'll jump up and race out the door to go hunt the biggest thing he can find to bring back to you. He'll be a little disappointed that you ask him to cook the meat first but then remembers oomans can't eat raw meat like he can. He won't complain about it again.

Every time your on your period he'll make a nest of pelts and pillows, your not allowed to get up he's snuggling you and pampering you the whole time.

If your being extra snuggly when you get junk food craving that you can only get from earth he'll whine lightlgly not wanting to stop cuddling you but he'll get up and go, your his special little mate, he'd fight the sun for you. If space had speeding laws he'd break each one rushing to and from earth to get you your junk food.

Having bad cramps? He's cooing softly as he gently places his warm hand on your stomach applying a small amount of pressure. Expect lots of kisses and nuzzles until your cramps pass you by. He feels awful that you have to go through this, he worries he doesn't do enough. Please tell him how much you appreciate him big scary alien men need praise and appreciation too.

Bleeding everywhere and feeling awful about it? Don't worry, he got scared the forst time he smelled your blood but now he's used to the scent. It's odd how sweet is smells compared to normal blood. He kinda likes it? He doesn't want to admit that though in case it embarrassed you. Any spilled blood he'll clean it up no problem don't worry about it ooman mate he got this.

Anyone sniffing around because if the sweet blood in the air quickly gets a growling male in the face. Will fight anyone to protect his little mate in a time of weakness.

He may have read a few ooman articles to learn more, apparently it helps oomans to swear to deal with pain? Maybe try cursing? He has no idea what most of these words your saying it but it seems to be working? No idea what a cock sucking mother fuck is but you sure did say it a lot.

Chocolate and teddy bears seem to be a thing that helps according to this ooman document. He doesn't trust the chocolate ice cream any more but he'll get you other chocolaty things. Fruit is good for oomans, chocolate covered strawberries seem like a good idea. Getting you a couple new stuffed animals he'll present them to you as if he had hunted them. He was delighted when you happily took the items.

Sense your laying around in bed all day you wouldn't mind if he cleaned his trophies in the bedroom then right? He claims it's so he can be there if you need his help but he mostly wants to show off his trophies. If you comment about the skulls while snuggled in the stuffed animals he gave you with a heating pad, though he's jealous of the heating pad, he'll be delighted if you talk about his trophies. Talking is good, talking means your not dying, please don't die on him. He knows your period won't kill you but they way you act some times makes him think your about to die.

If you cry at all because of your hormones he will panic. He has no idea what to do. Pulling you into his chest he'll burry your face in his plump chest. Oh you stopped crying, that's good, why are you kneading his chest though?

If you have a couch and tv at his ship or home at his planet expect lazy cuddles while watching tv. Cooking shows are boring to him he prefers raw food anyway. Now reality tv that he likes, he likes it even more when the petty people on the tv start fighting each other. Don't tell him it's all fake he won't understand and he'll get confused.

Oh no you bleed though onto your favorite comfy pants and the bloods not coming. Please don't cry he's rushing out to earth to search every for at least five more pairs for you. Don't worry he'll buy you as many as you need. He won't through the ruined pants out, he'll still keep trying to get the blood out if it held meaning to you. If he manages to get the blood out he'll present it to you so happily his hard work paid off.

If you ask for a pet while on your period he's going to any planet he needs to go to for it and will present it to moment he gets back. He couldn't wait he wanted to see the look of joy on your face, it was worth it. Might get a little jealous if you give the pet more kisses than you give him. Please give him more kisses.

[vintagelacerosette]

Tag game catch up ✨

I was tagged by these magnificent sweet peas Macy @celestialmickey Evie @energievie Ling @lingy910y Laurel @lupeloto Deena @suzy-queued Vey @look-i-love-u Emmet @grossmickey Deanna @deedala Ajax @transmickey Cross @crossmydna Melodie @sirrudo Nosho @creepkinginc Jay @surviving-maybe Harvey @mikhailoisbaby Paola @mishervellous Sisi @sisitrip Donna @sleepyfacetoughguy Kat @milkmaidovich Lyds @ardent-fox Lemon @depressedstressedlemonzest Carolie @shinygalaxyperson Ri @tanktopgallavich Jade @jademickian Michelle @mmmichyyy Arrow @arrowflier Meagan @softmick @solaq Anna @rereadanon Julia @juliakayyy Cherry @too-schoolforcool

Thanks yall 🥰

This weeks Tag game Tuesday

Name: Shermyn

Whereabouts in the world are you? Sydneeeey

Do you have any pets? My Roxy pup

What do you do for work? DMV but we actually help y'all lol

Favourite fruit? Rock melon or as mericans like to say cantaloupe 🍈

A pet peeve of yours: Music or vid in public places like doctor waiting room or in trains

Are you a fast walker or a slow walker? As many have said, bc of short legs it looks fast, but I'm just tryna catch up 😅

How do you usually wear your hair? Down & flowing & I try to make it fun with hair bows or fun clips 💕

Sunny days or rainy days? Sunny days ☀️

What time do you usually go to bed? 11pm-1am

What time do you usually wake up? Sunrise clock is at 6am but I go back to sleep depending on how late i sleep lol so 7am-8am. 9am-10am on days off lol

if you were a cartoon character, what would be your everyday outfit? My birthday dress but in the cartoon my outfit is magic so it can turn whatever I want it to be depending on the occasion but keeping them colours 🩷🩵💜 for example if I needed a business outfit it would turn into a dashing 3 piece suit 💖

Something you'd like to learn: How to write fic & to crochet

and finally, tell me something that made you happy recently: All the birthday messages from y'all (thank you) & seeing my friends for my birthday 🎂💕

Last week's tag game Tuesday✨️

Name: Myn

Age: 27

Pronouns: she/they

Your sun sign, MBTI type, and enneagram type (google them if you’re not sure!): Leo, & Nines (ok screaming bc this was the first time i did thay & can i say accuracy wtf 😭)

How tall are you? 151cm/4"11 aka cute sized by

What colour are your eyes? Dark brown

The last time you saw a movie in theaters (bonus: what was it?): Barbie movie!! It was terrific & hilarious (if i did this one time the answer wouda been Birds of Prey haha great Margot films)

Favourite dessert: Love all dessert rn I'm craving for crepes 😋

Outer space or the ocean? Now I woulda said ocean before but just Good Omens season 2 means me want outta space 🚀

You’re in a McDonald’s drive thru, what are you ordering? 10 pack nugget meal with medium strawberry milkshake & sweet & sour sauce for the nugs

Are you good with plants? Probs not bought some basil & my dad ended up take care of it idk if they still alive 🥲

Would your current self and high school self get along? Sure but she'd berate me asking wth girl thought you'd be an animater 😅

A food you can’t stand:

Something you’d do if money were no object: Have an lavish retreat trip somewhere exciting to meet all the you amazing gallabitches in the fandom, where we can have fanfic writing sessions, craft sessions & even have a meet & greet with Cam & Noel. Oh my! Am I making a dashcon for gallavich? 😆

The last app you opened on your phone: Amazon prime bc of Good Omens s2

and finally, compliment yourself! You are incredibly resilient, creative & full of light. 💖

Picrew

Concert ABC

Five comfort characters

1. Mickey Milkovich from Shameless

2. Lacus Clyne from Gundam Seed

3. Kaylee Frye from Firefly

4. Wylan Hendricks from Shadow & Bone

5. Brooke Davis from One Tree Hill

List five songs that someone else introduced me to that have made their way into my regular rotation

Last line written of fic

“Ok! Small Gallaghers, it's time to get moving and into the car, or I'll be getting chatty kathy up my as again” A familiar voice cuts through the tender moment and causes Ian to shoot up like he’s been electrocuted with Liam still in his arms.

(Ngl i haven't touched my fics in forever 😅)

Fanfic trope tier list

[shorti11]

OK, SO FIRST CREEPYPASTA OC, SHES STILL A LITTLE IN THE WORKS BUT SHES KINDA CUTEE (TW FOR MENTIONS OF ABUSE, EATING DISORDERS)

Full name: Kami Smith. Age: 21. Species: human. Pronouns: she/her. Gender: female. Height, 5'3. Personality: very quiet to most people, to certain people she's bubbly and sweet but can easily get emotional. Fav color: black and dark blue. Birthday: February 14th. Hair color: dark blue and black. Eye color: dark brown/black. Style: mcbling/2000s bimbo. Powers/weapon: though kami isn't strong, she's very fast, using daggers to kill her target. Fav food: Alfredo pasta. Nationality: Canadian. Fav song: Take a slice by glass animals and lovers rock by TV girl. Strengths:art (she us heavily into singing), speed (kami use to be a runner, doing track and often winning since she was little) and a makeshift therapist (she before becoming would take care of others and help with their problems) Weakness: strength, Kami grew up into more of the arts and wasn't really athletic, any sports she may have played was for fun or gym class.

CONNWCTIONS: Liu Woods: At first her and liu are pretty cold to each other, but after a while, Kamo tries to gain his trust after finding interest in his scars. After a while, they end up very close

Sally: Kami acts motherly to sally (im my AU sallys mother wasnt very pressant) and  close too her

Lizari: also acts motherly to lizari though lizari refused the love more then sally who needed and craved it

Jeff: she isn't sure on how too feel on him, after lius story she found him to be pretty disgusting

Tim: likes to vent and talk to tim, finds comfort in his unoften kindness, both get alog decently well

Brian: they both draw together and are friends though aren't crazy close

E.j: they don't talk often but don't dislike each other

Ben: finds him a little annoying but doesn't dislike him, they don't talk often

Nina: very pushy on kami but meant well, ended up friends over fashion sense

Clockwork: Kami is scared of her rough personality but thinks she's very admirable

Toby: helps him with cooking, and has too check in with him every so often

Slenderman: Kami and him barley speak but she found comfort in him. Though he won't speak to anyone

Basic knowledge on kami:

How long as a proxy, was brought there and became one at 18 she's currently 21

Disorders, anorexia nervosa (between 13 too 17)

Depression (it isn't severe but can fluctuat)

Generalized anxiety disorder (she constantly is nervous and it causes her chest pain)

Ptsd (from past abuse)

Social abilities: Kami isn't very social and often would keep to herself. If someone came up to her she'd be polite but awkward.

Why she stayed with lucas: Kami's family and Lucas's were very close during high school and college, also both families wealthy and strict. Both families wanted an arranged marriage and forced it upon the two. Throughout Kamis' younger years, she didn't like it but didn't know better, it was basically brainwashing her into thinking it was the norm

Her job as a proxy is to gather and stalk people for slenderman and gather info to help him.

Lucas personality:he was a rebellious teen, the smoking, partying kind of kid, bad grades rude, and had horrible anger issues

Backstory(wip), Kami was 13, a sweet girl who never loved her appearance. "I'm too big", "I hate my face", is what she'd often think, she was hopeless and desperate to look pretty, and that had caused an eating disorder from 13 to 17. Kamis parents weren't the best, always trying to make her the best of the best, good grades though she'd average Bs, And it was her parents faults on why she was so insecure. It was 6pm, Kami was at the dinner table and looking around. She was dolled up by her mother, a boy would be coming over, his name was Lucas, a year older then her. "Your gonna act like a proper women" her mother said sternly as she went to go to the front door. Lucas and his family came in moments later, all sitting at the table. Her mother greeting them and they started to eat. Soon after finishing the dinner her and Lucas were sat on the couch. "Kami, Lucas

... we'd like you too to start dating, " Lucas's mother said softly, a kind woman kami thought. After figuring out that she was now forced into a relationship, a boy she barely knew was dreadful, but she expected better than what she got. Through out being 13-15 Lucas would insult her, make her act like a slave for him when he came over, but when they got a little older 16-18 he had abused her, often verble but when he got drunk it'd be physical with her. One day, she was in his room, pouring him a drink while he ate at his desk while playing games. She watched him and would try to get his attention at points, but he'd shut her down with a harsh or nasty yell. Something in her snapped once she tried to talk to him one more time, but her smashed a cup on her head. She took the glass and everything went blank for her as she killed him, in sweat and tears. She had come back to reality minutes later and screamed, looking at the blood on her hands. She took her phone and weapon(glass shard) and rushed off to the woods around 8 pm in the winter. After an hour of exploring the adrenaline and fear wore off, as she fell down, the blood loss made her pass out. She thought that it, but she looked up at her head and hit the ground. She saw a lean tall figure, then passing out, hours later she had woke up, finding herself in a bed, her head bandaged as she looked around it was an empty room. A man had come to the room he was all stitched up and looked around 22. He stayed distant but walked into the room. "How's your head?" he asked. "I have a headache, but that's all," she stated, looking up at him, "i figured.." he ended up giving her painkillers. The man had multiple crosses around his neck and a black and white scarf. "Thanks.." she took the pills and sat up a little more."Who are you?" He seemed to ponder for a moment till speaking."liu, yours?"Kami.." OK, SO THATS WHAT WE HAVE RIGHT NOW, ID LOVE IDEAS OR QUESTIONS ON EVERYTHING AND MY AU FOR THEM!! (IM NO WRITER SO ANY FEEDBACK ID LOVE💕💕)

[heartshattering]

UGH, it just hit me... I wanted to do my grad application this weekend, but my aunt is here. But part of me is also putting it off because of anxiety even though I have time left but I feel like it's going to run out fast.

I wanted to go to the cinema, but again, my aunt's visit messed things up a bit... I thought she'd be able to watch my mom while I went, but I guess she wanted to come too, but then said she wouldn't watch a horror movie, and then made it sound like she didn't want to go in general.

My room is a fucking mess, again because I haven't been able to clean and all my shit is piled on my bed. It's looking like a depression pit again.

My sleep schedule is all messed up. I haven't had good sleep in a while and I've been needing the full dose of my sleep med to knock myself out, I've also been dealing with horrible anxiety during the daytime a lot, and headaches and stomach issues.

I have gallstones apparently but the doctor says it's not bad enough to need surgery, I guess that's good but it also means it hurts and I can't do shit about it. Same with my IBS, the only thing I can do about it is take antispasmodics and avoid trigger foods but sometimes I'll get a really intense craving and can't help myself even if it fucking hurts like hell later on. I'm actually going through a flare-up rn which I knew was coming but I was super hungry and it was 2 AM...

I feel ugly and under pressure to look better because I've been going out in public again after 5 years of isolation. I've been self-conscious about my appearance and letting it take over my thoughts more. I gained 40+ lbs and have a huge stomach which I hate (I also get IBS bloating which makes things even worse).

I feel like I've been having to relearn everything - how to dress, wear make-up, smile, talk to people, etc. And I do try to cut myself some slack for that but I still feel so awkward all the time.

I GO BACK TO WORKING THIS WEEK. Fuck it completely slipped my mind but yeah. My job is flexible and I work from home but I don't always enjoy it anymore... ESPECIALLY because my dad is back at his job (teaching) so I'm home alone with my mom almost every day and she needs constant help which makes it hard af to concentrate.

I've been bad at keeping in touch with people and three of my friends have bdays coming up.

Then there's the issue with my former friend, I keep putting off wanting to talk to her but I haven't been able to cut her off for good and like in constant anxiety of how I'm going to respond to her if she messages me or tries to come over when I don't want her to.

I feel so fucking alone and overwhelmed by everything, I feel physically sick and I just don't know how to cope with... everything.

[bogunicorn]

cw for talk about weight, food, disordered eating, mental health, suicidal feelings (but only a little)

i am no longer the heaviest i've ever been.

i weighed myself... at some point earlier this year. the months are such a blur i honestly don't know. but i definitely was, at some point in 2023, 386 or 389 pounds, and i had a big breakdown about almost being 390 which is almost 400, because i've got it in my brain that 400lbs is some kind of moral point of no return or something. (it is not. if you're reading this and you're 400lbs+, please don't use my feelings about my own body as a judgement on yours. my depression and self-dislike is not a reflection on other people and does not mean that i'm actively judging other people. it just means that i, personally, am very physically uncomfortable and unwell. i hate that i feel like i need a disclaimer in this part but i know how sticky this is and i want to be extra careful. good? good.)

anyway, i weighed myself today just for the fuck of it, and i'm 379. so now i don't get to use "i'm the fattest i've ever been" to bludgeon myself with. granted, i've lost that weight by Being Poor and Depressed, basically; i've developed, like... just kind of an apathy. i don't have cravings, i no longer have the urge to binge, i don't get anxious or sad when i don't feel like finishing my food anymore (which was often the cause of binging, the feeling that if i don't finish my food i'm wasting it and therefore Bad and Stupid).

i've talked to my wife, because we're grocery shopping today or tomorrow, and i've decided to try going gluten- and dairy-free again. if i don't really care what i'm eating, i might as well eat healthier and be kinder to my insides. right now i'm literally only eating gluten and dairy because it's easy to get my hands on and i've been avoiding food until i'm actually sick, not because i want to eat it, and it's just doing nasty things to my stomach.

i also have a GP appointment in february and want to talk about food sensitivities, because i'm sick all the time. i ordered a new blank journal just to track my food and my stomach issues and menstrual stuff. no measurements, no calorie-counting, no concentrated attempts to lose weight. i want the best possible medical advice when i see my doctor, and have 6 months of information when i get there will really help, i think.

usually when i'm like "i'm gonna get healthy", it feels like this massive chore and i'm very put upon about it and resentful about giving things up. but i don't really feel like that this time? food feels neutral, finally. the idea of giving up gluten/dairy and then using that as an excuse not to snack is strangely comforting? i have to be careful that i don't swing the other way into complete avoidance, but that's what the tracking is for. i also saved some food prep containers on my amazon wishlist to buy when i have money.

i feel like some part of my brain just, like, snapped and went, "you can get your shit together or you can kill yourself but you have to pick one." and i want to be happier. i want to live. so i guess i'm getting my shit together.

I also deleted all my diet and fasting apps. that's a firm boundary I need to set for myself. no calorie tracking, no deliberate fasting.

[krviiror]

!! An@ diaries ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡

28 August 2024, 11:44 pm.

• trying to fast as much as possible..

• alternating between fasting n 300 cals max (volleyball)a day /week

Goal day reach:: 1st October 2024.

Goals::

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚Day 1...

September 1st,2024

• umm so.. my unlucky ass got my period the day after I was gonna start fasting 😞

When I get my period it's so hard for me to not binge because I start craving food even if I'm not hungry so I binged the whole day and failed ... Tomorrow ill try to fast since my period never affects me on the 4th day !! And it's also Monday so I find it easier for me to "schedule" my fasting and omad yk😓 but anyways I'll try do to my best to prevent myself from eating and since school started its been getting much more easier since im busy the whole day,yippie!!! But anyways bye babes I'll update tmr!🤗

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ Day 2...

September 2th,2024

• ok so..Today there was no school because it was Labor Day! So preventing myself to eat was a lil harder😓 But I guess I did ok today! For breakfast at around 8:45am I had 2 croissants which I had NO idea it was almost 300 CALORIES EACH. So I def had a lil moment of regret after eating it🤗🤗 but it's wtv I guess🙄 luckily I was occupied for the rest of the day deep cleaning my room so I didn't eat anything except chew on sugar free gum😛

at around 2:30 I went to play beach volleyball with my friends which we played for like 4 hours straight so I ended up burning most of the cals I got from the croissants!!! After we got tired we went dep and I tried monster for the first time!! It was the white sugar free one and it was only 10 cals so I was very happy abt that!! I didn't really like the flavor tbh.. but it's still a good "safe food" when I'm eating less than 300 cals ! After that I walked home so I was able to burn a lil more calories and my mom made pasta so I had a plate! And that's all for today🤭

Since tmr I'm going back to school I'll be able to fast/ eat less than 300cals for the week! That's all goodnight guys!:)

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚Day 3...

September 3th,2024

... I actually wanna kms😞

So I had volleyball tryouts/practice today and I had this plan to only eat a small meal for lunch so I can atleast have some energy for volley... and that's what I did! I had one hotdogs which was able to fill me up for the day and I was able to burn it all out during volleyball! So I decided to starve for the rest of the afternoon and when I came home my freaking brother bought like a whole ass feast for the both of us and I was trying sooooo hard to resist but I felt bad bc he used his miney and he's always so kind to me and I couldn't lie to him bc ik he knows yk😞 so my fatass ate a freaking cake and shawarma thinking if I drank a 100 cal smoothie during it would make a difference but no it did not🤬🤬 u honestly feel so guilty and disgusting bc I just CANNOT PREVENT MYSELF FROM EATING. AS HARD AS I TRY I JUST CANT I END UO GIVING IN☹️☹️ and I'm honestly so done with saying "oh I'm gonna fast the whole day tmr I won't eat anything and catch up" like no girl why you lying😞 please if u guys have tips to avoid and YK HOW I FEEL PLEASEEE HELP A GIRL OUT💔💔