#HELLO????????????????? AMAZON WHERES MY ROYALTIES

[inkskinned]

just wanted to shout out this ancient post i made like 23 years ago & since then has been grasped firmly by the internet but repackaged in memes divorced utterly from its painfully 2016 tumblr origins.

frauds and heretics have stolen this definition from its ecosystem. it came from here it lives here it is of this earth and should have never been removed. i love u fuckening post. i am sorry they shaved all of the cringe off u and made a simulacrum of u in their shame. but i remember. i know from whence u came.

me: today is going really well and i don’t trust it some shit: *starts happening* me: ah there it is. the Fuckening™

[nicosraf]

Hello Hello! While going through your site to buy ABM (which Amazon won't let me get on ebook TT), I stumbled across "The River Boy". As a Mayan, I just wanted to say I felt really seen. It wasn't a major part of the story but it was healing to see anything about us represented like that. It's also just beautifully written, I'd love to read more of your work ^^

As for my ask, what type of research did you do for that story? Are you Maya yourself or did you decide on the setting at random or something? Thank you and have a good day!

Ahhh this just made my entire life, thank you so much for reading! I'm really happy you liked it and that you found it healing. I'm so glad :')

I'm not Maya, but I'm Mexican with roots in the center of the country (Puebla) that gave me a big interest in Mesoamerica, which was a big chunk of my Latin American Studies degree (yes, I have a Latin American studies degree sksks). One of my courses was on ancient Maya culture and writing, where I wrote a big research paper on the rituals of Maya royalty.

I actually thought the setting was a huge part of the story! I love the way the ancient, and many contemporary, Maya conceptualize time as such an integral part of the universe with its own dedicated deities who are in charge of carrying it (the four "year bearers" though I learned them to be "time bearers"). The glyphs of the deities carrying time have really stuck with me; I just love the concept of time being such a physical thing.

Divine royalty isn't something unique to the Maya, but something that really caught my interest is the rituals and responsibilities associated with divinity. A lot of people will focus on the bloodier stuff (the blood letting), but personally I was more interested in the perpetual "birthing" of the universe that was the responsibility of kings and princes. I imagined a spoiled, beautiful prince who might want to run away from all that stress and pain.

The language barrier in the story was also inspired by the different Mayan languages today and how reconstructing the ancient language is so tough. That said, during the Classical times, there was probably already significant linguistic differences between Maya territories, so I don't think it's inaccurate in the story, just a bit exaggerated perhaps. The couple Maya words in the story are a mix of ancient and modern words. For ex, k’altun is an ancient word, while dios bo’otik is modern Yucatec Maya.

Oh! And just another fun fact - the river in the story is the Usumacinta river, and the prince is from Yaxchilan! There's actually a stone monument in Yaxchilan which depicts a queen pulling thorns through her tongue, which is referenced in the story!

Sorry for rambling, but there's like an absurd amount of research in this little story! I also wanted to depict the more "common" way of life by making the protagonist a non-royal, but there's so little about common-folk (unsurprisingly) so I struggled a bit to find sources that would help me paint an accurate picture. On that note, most of my sources were the same JSTOR articles I used to write my research paper, my university museum, and my poor Maya professor.

I haven't really looked at the story in a while so I re-read it just now and I'm really happy with it :') I think Maya history is one of the coolest things ever, and I'd love to write a full book about a Maya prince one day. But historical fiction is difficult, even when you add magical realism like I did.

Anyway! Thank you again for reading! If you're having trouble downloading ABM, I'll literally send you the file for free if you want sksks Just ask! I'm very touched by your interest. Thank you!! :))

[scarlettgauthor]

Hello, Tumblr, and I hope you had a merry holiday (or simply enjoyed the weekend off)! I am so excited to finally share some absolutely amazing news: There's an audio book of His Secret Illuminations, and it is available for purchase now!!!

[intense, relieved, distant screaming]

I am so pumped about this you wouldn't even believe it. I started trying to produce this audio book in June of this year. June. You might note that it is now December. This is a project six months in the making. I went through multiple rounds of auditions and thought I'd found a narrator twice and both times they had to back out of recording. I exhausted everyone who sounded right at one service and went to fellow self-published fantasy author Virginia McClain for advice, and she pointed me to Antoine Bandele of AB Book Services and his roster of narrators, where I found Martin Martinez. Martin auditioned for me with a perfectly sweet Lucían and a wonderfully strong Glory. His reading was deft and playful and exactly what I'd been hoping for, and the sex scenes? Well, to quote the illustrious burlesque icon Miss Kitty Baby: "There won't be a dry seat in the house."

Please give it a listen if you're an audio book person, or tell your friends to give it a listen if you aren't. Martin really gave a beautiful performance, and I think everyone should hear the heart and soul he gave these characters. 

(People other than me definitely need to hear it. I have listened to the entire thing three times as I reviewed it, which is too many times for an author to have to be presented with their writing from three years ago in a medium where they cannot elide certain word choices they would not have made now. It's a great audio book! It really is! I never want to listen to it again!)

Ahem.

Where can I buy it?

On several platforms that audio books are sold, with more coming soon! Here are some specific places:

https://scarlettgaleauthor.com/shop/audio-books https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/his-secret-illuminations-scarlett-gale/1142856730 https://bingebooks.com/book/his-secret-illuminations https://www.scribd.com/audiobook/614996148/His-Secret-Illuminations-Their-adventure-will-test-his-skill-and-his-self-control https://libro.fm/audiobooks/9781669668374 https://www.storytel.com/se/sv/books/3683133 https://www.kobo.com/us/en/audiobook/his-secret-illuminations-2 https://play.google.com/store/audiobooks/details/Scarlett_Gale_His_Secret_Illuminations?id=AQAAAEDCkgXS1M https://www.chirpbooks.com/audiobooks/his-secret-illuminations-by-scarlett-gale  https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/his-secret-illuminations-their-adventure-will-test-his-skill-and-his-self-control/653033

Not at Amazon/Audible?

Not yet, anyway! It's been submitted to them for review and is still pending. The audio book will be available on Amazon... eventually.

Where should I buy it?

Wherever is easiest for you! That said, if your goal is to support me as directly as possible, please consider buying it from my website. 

It's a little more troublesome (I had to break it into five parts in order to get around the file size limit) but everything I sell on my website is DRM-free and I get the entire $24.99 cover price (minus credit card fees). Purchasing it through another platform means I only get the royalties, which end up between 20% and 50% of the cover price.

When will His Sacred Incantations be available as an audio book?

The unfortunately mercenary answer here is "As soon as I can afford to produce it." As a self-published author I am on the financial hook for anything and everything I want to do with my books. Part of the reason it took this long to get the first book produced was because I needed to save up enough to pay for the production of it. His Secret Illuminations cost about $3600, which I paid out of pocket. I expect that His Sacred Incantations will cost about the same. I hope to be able to produce it in 2023--the better my sales are, the sooner I can get started!

P.S. If I manage to sell 144 copies of this audio book through my website, that will cover almost the entire cost of producing the second book.

How can I help out?

Spread the word about the audio book! As Patrons you get the news first, but I'll be sharing this on social media in the next couple of days. Like, retweet, reblog, reshare, leave good reviews of the audio book where appropriate--all of that is a huge help to me, someone who is her own marketing department.

Thank you so much for your support! May your holidays be happy, and your winter nights warm.

[ariaste]

Hi! I want to buy A Taste of Gold and Iron as an e-book. I have a Kindle but I have heard that authors make very little from Kindle books and you seem to have an array of places your book is sold. Is there a particular e-book selling location where you would make more from it (compared to buying it via Amazon) and I would still be able to read it on a Kindle?

Hello! Thanks so much for the lovely question. Honestly, for the ebooks of my traditionally published books, I make the same amount no matter where you buy them from, so you can get it from wherever is most convenient for you! That said, if you enjoy the book and you'd like to contribute a couple extra dollars, you can support me on Ko-Fi, Paypal, or Patreon -- or you can recommend my books to your local libraries, and then I'll get paid royalties if they buy copies! :)

(I also have an official discord server if you'd like to liveblog the book to other fans!)

[slothspaghettiwrites]

Hello, wonderful human being! <3

I recently found your book (well, like a few seconds ago because of the last ask you answered), and I wanted to ask if you get a good share when buying your paperback edition on Amazon? And if not, is there another website where I can buy it? Just wanted to ask first before getting it because I want to support you as best as possible with it! <3

All the love to you <3 and btw, the summary had me hooked within a second 👀

Oh hello! I am so happy liked that summary and are interested in reading my book.

An interesting question! I always push the fact you can read my book on Kindle Unlimited (which is always running a sign up deal if you aren't already signed up) and then ya know if you really like me/my book, you can buy the paperback as a trophy (this is what I do lol).

But some transparency! I'll but this below the cut, but you can see what rates I get from Amazon on each format, and what I made in October as a new author who only promotes their book through crazy tiktoks.

I actually had to look this up because I couldn't remember (and I should probably make a note of this), but let's not focus on my disorganization today.

When you buy my book as an eBook for your kindle, I make £1.58/$1.90 (ignore the 70% I am not enrolled in that option).

When you buy my book as a paperback, I get £2.52/$3.07 (wide just means you can find me on like the B&N website I actually don't know who much or little or whether I get sales from those wide/expanded outlets). But the big thing to point out here is that Amazon has a minimum I must set my books to so the pricing here is less my choice.

If you are like me, you only read on your phone and really only read Kindle Unlimited books because you are cheap trying to support indie/new authors more, but are be sensible with your budget before you buy a paperback for you trophy shelf.

When you read my book on KU cover to cover (400 pages) I make about £1.50. This number a bit of an estimation because I won't really know until the months end what I will make on KU because it is based on page reads.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are on KU, read my book there. Because if you don't like it, you can return in and I still get paid for the pages you do read. Where as, if you buy the eBook or Paperback, decide you don't like it and return it, I get the full retail price taken from my royalties that month, which could mean I have to pay Amazon money.

This is my October Royalties breakdown. You can see I made .99 from print sales (which means I got some wide sales!), and the rest from KU page reads.

[briankeene]

An Open Letter to Pete Kahle of Bloodshot Books

Dear Pete,

I was supposed to be writing about the dangers Artificial Intelligence presents to the gainful employment of full-time authors, but instead, I’m having to write this because of your bullshit. So you’ll forgive me if I’m less-than-fucking-polite.

Mary SanGiovanni, Cynthia Pelayo, Sonora Taylor and others who know me like to tell people: “Leave Brian alone. He’s retired, and spends his days caring for cats and playing with his ham radio station.” And they’re not wrong, Pete. I’ve worked very hard to get to the point where I am — a place where there’s enough of a backlist that I can count on it providing an income when I’m no longer able to write due to the forthcoming infirmities of old age, and I don’t have to deal with anyone’s bullshit anymore.

When I retired, Pete? When I killed off The Horror Show and stepped out of the spotlight and quit fighting the horror genre’’s battles for it? I did so with the knowledge that there was a whole new generation of writers, artists and filmmakers who were now empowered to do that for themselves and for the genre as a whole. And it’s been delightful watching them do just that over and over again these last three years. Sure, they check in with me once in a while — asking my advice or guidance on dealing with the nitwits and threats, and I’m happy to offer that advice and guidance, but make no mistake, Pete. They step up all on their own, and take the bull by the fucking horns.

Case in point is Todd Keisling putting you on blast yesterday evening on Twitter.

Which brings me to the point of this letter.

Now, I don’t know Adam Millard. To the best of my knowledge I’ve never met him (although it’s possible he’s come through my line at a signing or bought me a drink at a convention). But despite my not knowing him, I have no problem believing his allegations, Pete, because they’re the same allegations many other authors have been making about you for several years now, both publicly and in private. And I do know some of those other people. And I’ve seen your communications with them. Twice now, over the last two years, I was going to get involved in this (despite retirement) but both times I was asked to wait, and to give you a chance to rectify the situation. But you are either unwilling or unable to do so, so allow me to briefly step out of retirement and say hello.

Hello.

If your first reaction to this is to offer apologies and share whatever is going on in your personal life — don’t. You’ve done that repeatedly in the past, when other authors in your stable have raised these allegations. Personal problems — be they health, a loved one, depression, day job, etc — are all perfectly valid, but they lose that validity as months turn into years and you still haven’t rectified the problems. So don’t apologize. Don’t make excuses. We’re beyond that now, Pete.

What can you do to rectify the situation? What can you do to help the genre at a time when we’re seeing publishers begin to use A.I. to do the writing and drawing, and the global economy slides into recession, and a worldwide paper shortage plays havoc on release schedule, and Amazon seems intent on making it impossible for people to easily find or purchase our books, and we compete for the attention of an ever-increasingly distracted populace that has more entertainment choices than ever before?

Well, I’ll tell you what you can do, Pete. Here’s my advice, freely and earnestly given.

Step 1: Immediately send each and every one of your authors a royalty statement, accounting not only for online sales, but direct sales at places like the Merrimack Valley Halloween Book Festival and Camp Necon. If you can’t immediately provide each of them with a royalty statement, then immediately revert their rights, take their books out of print and out of distribution, and shut down Bloodshot Books.

Step 2. Pay them what you owe them. If you can’t pay them what you owe them, then immediately revert their rights, take their books out of print and out of distribution, and shut down Bloodshot Books.

Step 3: Once you’ve paid them what you owe them, immediately revert their rights, take their books out of print and out of distribution, and shut down Bloodshot Books.

Step 4: Shut down Bloodshot Books. If you can’t do that, then know that these people won’t be quiet any longer. And neither will I, Pete. I’ve got some free time, in between playing with my cats and my ham radio. Know that the next time you set up a table at a convention, there will be someone watching and taking note of every copy of every author’s book that you sold in real time, so that those authors can then be informed.

If you give a shit about this genre, about your own writing, or about your peers and the folks you call friends, then do the right thing, Pete. Because being a publisher? This is not for you.

— Brian Keene PS: As we’ve seen time and time again over the last 25 years, whenever there’s trouble like this with a publisher, there are always one or two authors who say “Well I haven’t had a problem” and rush to the publisher’s defense. In advance of that, know that your peers see you, and will remember that you only care about yourself.

[simran-simran]

What are some special occasion dresses for weddings?

Special Occasion Dresses for Weddings: Your Guide to Stunning Styles

Hello, I am Simran, and today I will guide you through selecting the perfect special occasion dresses for weddings. Whether you are the bride, a bridesmaid, or a guest, finding an outfit that is both affordable and glamorous can make you stand out and enhance your personality among the crowd.

Why Choose the Right Store?

When it comes to purchasing a wedding outfit, the right store can make all the difference. The best online stores provide not only stunning outfits but also exceptional services to ensure customer satisfaction. My top recommendation is Vastrachowk, a store that excels in offering a fabulous collection within your budget. Their range is designed to cater to all your needs, ensuring you look unique and feel confident at any wedding.

Top Picks for Special Occasion Dresses

Engagement Dresses

Finding the perfect engagement dress is crucial as it sets the tone for the wedding festivities. Look for a dress that complements your style and makes you feel beautiful.

Indian Wedding Dress

Indian weddings are known for their grandeur and vibrant attire. Opt for traditional wear that showcases rich fabrics and intricate designs, making you feel like royalty.

Wedding Guest Outfit

As a guest, you want to strike the right balance between elegance and subtlety. Cocktail dresses or festive wear can be ideal choices, offering a blend of sophistication and comfort.

Cocktail Dress for a Wedding

A cocktail dress is a versatile option, perfect for evening receptions or formal gatherings. Choose one with unique details to stand out.

Wedding Party Dress

For those who are part of the wedding party, a dress that complements the wedding theme while allowing you to shine is essential. Reception dresses are a great choice for this role.

Traditional Wear

Traditional wear, like sarees or lehengas, is timeless and perfect for various wedding functions. They offer a classic look that never goes out of style.

Budget-Friendly Options at Vastrachowk

Vastrachowk is renowned for its extensive collection that caters to all your wedding attire needs. They provide a range of affordable options without compromising on style or quality. From long dresses to yellow dresses, you will find everything you need to create a bold and unique look.

Other Notable Stores

While Vastrachowk is my top recommendation, there are other notable stores you can consider:

Myntra: Offers a wide range of fashion choices with regular discounts.

Amazon Fashion: Known for its vast collection and fast delivery services.

Ajio: Features trendy and traditional wear suitable for all occasions.

Conclusion

Choosing the perfect dress for a wedding can be a delightful experience when you know where to shop. Vastrachowk stands out as a top choice, offering a blend of affordability, style, and customer satisfaction. However, exploring other stores can also provide great options to ensure you find the perfect outfit for your special occasion.

Thank you so much for reading this blog! If you have any recommendations or experiences with other stores, feel free to share them with me.

[joydemorra]

Frequently Asked Questions

Welcome to the FAQ. Here are some of the most often asked questions in my inbox.

- Who are you, and what am I doing here? Hello, I’m Joy, and this is my little corner of the internet. You may know me from such viral posts as Crucifix Nail Nipples, Robin Williams punching death eaters, or from my advocacy work where I focus on issues of disability, chronic illness, and neurodivergency. You may also know me from my international best-selling novel about vampires and werewolves kissing.

In which case, the vampire nipple thing probably comes as a bit of a shock. I also co-host @theayesphere, an interactive podcast with my bestie @ayeforscotland, on his Twitch channel.

If you genuinely do not know how you got here, welcome anyway. I hope you find a reason to stay.

- I sent you a message, and you never responded! I’m sorry about that. I get a lot of mail daily, and it’s impossible to keep up with. It’s not a reflection of you or my regard for you. I appreciate every kind word and message of support sent my way, even if I can’t always reply to it.

I am but a humble peddler of smut who never expected to have a viral blog. I’m also multiply disabled, so the struggle to keep up is real.

- So, what’s wrong with you? How long have you got?

The quick answer is I have a connective tissue disorder known as Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), comorbid with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). All three were diagnosed in 2020 after a lifelong struggles with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, fainting episodes and what I thought was asthma and chronic vomitting but actually turned out to be slow-acting idiopathic anaphylaxis. I am now on a treatment plan and am considered stable.

In late 2022 after losing the entire year to debilitating migraines, I was also diagnosed with atypical Binocular Vision Disorder by a neuro-ophthalmologist. This was a major root cause of my chronic migraines which had been missed by both a regular ophthalmologists and several neurologists. My case was considered ‘atypical’ because I did not present with the classic double vision symptoms checked for by most ophthalmologists. But upon extensive testing by the neuro-ophthalmologist, the misalignment in my eyes was diagnosed correctly and I was prescribed micro-prism glasses. I was also prescribed red-tinted lenses to help with extreme photophobia, as red blocks more blue light than other colors.

After three months of screen rest and allowing my eyes to adjust to the lenses – as well as extensive vision therapy–my monthly migraine count went from 20+ migraines a month down to 3. My remaining migraines appear to be hormonal in nature, but I have found that taking 400mg of b2 (riboflavin) a day, as prescribed by my neurologist, has greatly reduced the pain.

Despite the recent progress in my treatment, I am still a very sick, very fatigued individual and struggle to keep up with life sometimes.

I also have chronic ‘double depression’, cPTSD and ADHD, leaning more toward the hyper end of the spectrum. So I’m doubly cursed with a slow, slow body and a fast, fast mind that sometimes wants to yeet itself off a cliff. It’s an Experience. All of my posts pertaining to mental health are tagged as #mental health. Most of my ADHD stuff can be found under #adult adhd.

You can read more about my health issues by following my #chronic health tag or blacklist if you prefer! I also have one for my teeth #chronic health tag: teeth, though that one is less active since the nerve damage in my jaw was resolved.

- Why do you use affiliate links? Good question! There are a lot of hidden costs that go into indie publishing, and a large part of that is what we lose to places like Amazon in fees. Using affiliate links to promote our work allows authors to recoup some of that loss from our royalties, though not quite all of it. The links don’t cost you anything, nor do they tell me anything about your private data or shopping habits. They’re just a way for me to claw money back directly from Amazon. I try to limit how often I link to Amazon as the only thing I’m interested in peddling are my weres. And maybe a couple of vampires while I’m at it.

- Who is ETD/Mothman?

ETD/Mothman was the name my blog gave to my husband several years ago when my blog started getting popular. He has since joined Tumblr, and you can follow his shenanigans @mothman-etd

- Wait, you wrote a book?! I did! Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites is a 2x international best-selling paranormal, pun-filled polyamorous queer romance series with elements of Gaslamp fantasy and political satire. It features vampires, werewolves, and several other manner of creatures that go bump in the night. It has been described by those who have read it as “like reading the queer-goth-punk love child of Terry Pratchett meets Jane Austen. You can read more about it here or check out my website. The primary tag used by the fandom here on Tumblr is #Phangs.

- Vampires or werewolves? Why not both? \_(ツ)_/

- Hi, I want to support your work! Which purchase method best supports you? Any way you choose to purchase my books helps me! Purchasing through my Payhip or Gumroad nets me the most money, but purchasing through sites like Amazon contributes to my sales ranking, which increases my chances of trending in the algorithm and gaining a wider audience. Reviews are also a fantastic way to support an author, as is word of mouth.

Please note, I will be phasing out the Gumroad links following their stance on NFTS and the ensuing behavior of their CEO on Twitter. This should not affect your files. If, for some reason, you lose your digital copy and Gumroad won’t let you download it again via your email link, please reach out to me at info @ joydemorra.com

- Can I write fanfic/create fanart of your work? Please do! I want nothing more for you to enjoy my work to the point of creation. Just be careful not to tag me in any fanfic, and please don’t send me any headcanons. If someone accidentally guesses my plot and shows it to me, it can risk any of my future book plans. Keep fandom discussions within fandom. The author is (un)dead, and their opinion doesn’t matter. If you make fanart, you can tag me in that, but please don’t link to your Patreon or Ko-Fi in the post where I can see it. If I see you are making a profit from my work, I am legally obligated to file a takedown. If I do not see any such links, which may or may not exist in any reblogs I am not immediately tagged in, we do not have a problem. 🙈🙈🙈

- Can I cosplay your characters and tag you? Absolutely! Just make sure you follow the above advice about Ko-Fi and Patreon links.

- Will you sign my copy of [____] If this is post-pandemic times and we are at a meet and greet, yes! I’ll also have bookplates for sale soon that you can insert into your copies or do with them as you please.

- Are you going to turn any of your books into audiobooks? Yes! My audiobooks are narrated by Catherine Bilson (aka @caitlynlynch) and you can find them listed under my buy link options.

- Why do you write two versions of the same story? Glad you asked! I write two versions of all my stories so that people who enjoy sex scenes can enjoy them, and those who prefer not to read depictions of sexual acts don’t need to skip pages to avoid the more explicit scenes. You can read more about my decision to do this here.

- Help! I bought the wrong version! Most of my retailers will allow you to return the book for a full refund, freeing you to purchase the correct copy. If you bought a copy through my Gumroad or Payhip, drop me a line at info @ joydemorra.com, and we’ll get it resolved :)

- You’re an editor, right? Will you look at my manuscript? Regrettably, I am not taking on any new clients at the moment, but if you would like to check out my editors, you can fine them at @roselarkpublishing

- When will you be editing again? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depth of a teaspoon.

- When is your next book coming out? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depths of a teaspoon. (Sorry, I know I’m taking too long.)

- Will you reblog my donation post? I’m afraid that due to the high volume of requests that I get (anywhere from 5-20 a day), I am currently only reblogging donation posts from mutuals. I’m sorry. There are just too many for me to keep up with without flooding my dash. But please do look into @copperbadge’s Radio Free Monday, which I always try to reblog. The submission form is here, and Sam wrote a guide on how to write fundraising posts here.

- What’s your favorite book? Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett. Closely followed by Going Postal by Terry Pratchett and Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones.

- What’s your favorite movie? Singin’ in the Rain!

- Favorite music? I’ve been listening to The Amazing Devil on loop for over eighteen months, so it’s safe to say I like them.

- Why do you use Amazon? Aren’t they evil incarnate?!?

They are, but they’re also the biggest-selling platform for eBooks for indie and trad authors and not using them is career suicide. If you don’t like Amazon, I have plenty of other platforms for you to use, including directly from my Payhip, which allows you to use Kindle without giving Jeff Bezos a penny.

- Can I send you something I made/thought you might like? Sure! My PO Box is:

JOY DEMORRA # 250 2038 FORD PARKWAY SAINT PAUL MN 55116

- I saw you from the essential oil discourse and was just wondering… Please have pity on my chronic fatigue and refer to the master list post compiled very kindly by @paradoxanomalyenigma. You may find that I have already answered your question. If not, come ask me!

- Why did you move from Scotland to the US? I met and fell and love with Mothman. Originally we were going to live in the UK, but they changed the immigration laws six weeks before our wedding, and it ended up being more accessible for me to move here than for him to move there. Ideally, we would both like to have dual citizenship one day.

- Does Mothman really believe in me? Always.

- Are you Wiccan? No, I’m a pagan who identifies as a secular witch and have been for the last 20+ years. I don’t hold to any particular creed or belief. The gods might well exist. I’ve just got little time for them.

- Can you post to your bad luck chain-mail spell breaker? It makes me feel better. Here you go! Here’s my other curse breaker post if you want it, too.

[anathemafiction]

I won’t lie, I wish you would publish the game in some way that had nothing to do with Hosted or Choice games, because they take the part of the popsicle that breaks off with the top of the other one. You deserve all the money you can get from this, but I respect your decision to publish with them since it’s your first work. I can’t wait. :)

Hello, anon! Thank you, first of all, for your words, and I do understand that you're coming from a well-meaning place, so this isn't in any way or form to address you personally but more of me taking the chance to address something that has been brought to my attention for a while now.

I've gotten some messages - all of them coming, like you, from a well-meaning place! - about Hosted Games and, particularly, about the cut they take from its authors. And I do understand, upon first hearing that number, the 25% revenue that the author gets, how it may shock you. It seems too low a number for one who essentially writes and codes the entire game.

However, 25% to 30% is, for better or worse, the standard royalty that any publishing company offers its authors. Whether it's traditional fiction or interactive, publishers take about a 70% cut of every book sold. Do I think this is fair? That's a different story altogether, but the reality is this, and it's something I was aware of when I first started the Rose, as it is something any writer is aware of when they seek their work to be published by a company and not by themselves.

Hoste Games exists in a competitive market, one that itself takes its cuts at every corner. From that 75% that the company gets, Google takes a piece, Apple takes another, Steam and Amazon and so forth. This is the price COG pays to have their games on their platforms, and this is the price I choose to pay to have the Rose on HG. It's a pyramid, one where I am on the bottom, and this is the sad reality of capitalism.

Do famous authors get a better cut? Of course, they do. But, as you said, this is my first work, the first time I'm seeking to be published. At this point, I have nothing to my creative name. Just the fact that I can publish, that I can get a writing "curriculum" in any way is already a big chance for me. If and when the Rose is published, I can approach others and say "that was made by me, that was born from my labor."

I can't now.

Ultimately, each author has to decide what they're willing to sacrifice. And the right answer is true only for each individual. Obviously, I want the Rose to do well monetarily. I'd be lying if I said that all the hours I poured into it didn't earn me at least a nice bonus at the end of the month. But what I really want, anon, is for it to be read by as many people as possible. I want it to go on Steam and the Play Store, and the App Store. I want it to be emailed to COG's substantial subscriber list, I want to be featured on their website. I wouldn't be able to get the game on those platforms otherwise.

Is that worth the 25%? Absolutely.

That is true for me. It may not be true for other authors, and neither of us is wrong or right. It's a choice.

And on a more personal side... COG and HG are what got me into interactive fiction. I don't have a visual novel background, I've never heard of itchio or Choices before. It was Choice of the Dragon and Tin Star and Zombie Exodus that opened my eyes to this form of storytelling. And I fell in love with it. Imagine my delight when I found that there's a way for amateurs to publish with this company!

So I tried my hand at it, all the while watching all these amazing WIPs grow and eventually get published and wishing that one day, I could be too. So thank you for your concern, and your words of support, but publishing with Hosted Games is literally a dream come true for me.

There's really no other place I can see the Rose in.

[thefanficwriterscraft]

Hello! I just finished the first episode of the podcast. I really enjoyed it. It was nice to hear of incidents where you both have had people speak disparagingly about fanfic in real life. I've had it happen to me, it was so discouraging at that time, so it was really helpful to hear your thoughts about it.

I have a question about what was said about the publishing industry (please let me know if it's addressed in some future episode, I can just go check if that's easier!): You mentioned there being practically no money in publishing and the industry requiring a complete financial restructuring. Did you mean from an author-getting-compensated perspective, or just for anyone who works/wants to work in the industry? I'm considering a career shift to publishing and it made me wonder if I should reconsider...

I'm glad it helps to hear another perspective on fan fiction. I think we're definitely entering an era where there is less stigma and more respect for fan fiction as a form of digital media that's really come into its own with the spread of the internet.

As for the publishing industry: I have friends who work as writers and editors and I also follow industry news for publishing and journalism. At the moment, it's incredibly dog-eat-dog and full of drama, including some pretty vicious feuds in the YA fiction world. Publishing and journalism are full of privileged young people from wealthy families who can afford to intern for free or incredibly low pay for many years before they get a foot in the door. If you are not one of these people, you will find it difficult to feed and house yourself without a second job. Put simply, there are many, many more people who want these jobs than there are jobs available. Bricks-and-mortar book stores are also suffering due to sites like Amazon snapping up the book selling business.

People are accustomed to not paying for content anymore because of the internet, and also, publishing is part of the (ultra-competitive) art world. There is limited money to go around. We all know that many aspiring actors are working at Starbucks, and the same is true for aspiring writers, editors, illustrators and so forth. My friend is a published author and would receive royalty checks for a few cents every few months. It's also very competitive for other roles in publishing. If you are going into publishing, it has to be because you love it and you are willing to suffer for it.

This doesn't mean that no one is making money in the industry, nor buying books. However, if you look at sales statistics, you'll see that an overwhelming amount of the best-selling books are by massive brand-name authors (like James Patterson or Stephen King) or by TV/movie celebrities.

This article is a great resource in terms of getting figures on how many books you'd have to sell to be considered a good seller. Some of the most popular fan fictions online, like All the Young Dudes, are probably getting similar numbers.

-@copper-dust

[jeannereames]

Hello doctor,

I recently finished your Alexander novels and loved them. I was curious about the sequel, and upon searching I found you on tumblr. I spent hours reading all your asks and gathering all the tid bits about the sequel. It spiked my anticipation to another level. I was wandering whether there is a publication date planned…

First, thank you! I’m always thrilled when a reader loves the books enough to track down more information about them. If you found my Tumblr, I assume you also found my website? On it, I have some additional out-takes of scenes removed from the books, or written for the 10-month gap between Becoming and Rise. If not, it’s here: Alexander's Macedonia.

As for more books, yes, I do plan to write more, but not only is there no publication date, there’s no publisher. Welcome to the niche nature of modern publishing.

Mainstream historicals have a different sales trajectory than most novels, being long-haulers rather than short-burst sellers. (See end for a longer explanation of this.) As a result, publishing houses risk them reluctantly unless they think they can ride a pop-culture trend, or it’s genre (historical romance, historical fantasy, historical mystery…). It all boils down to sales. Writing may be an art, but publishing is a business. In it to make money, they pursue a conservative purchasing model. They know what sold last year and want a repeat. Something too outside the proven model is, therefore, too much of a risk.

Dancing with the Lion is a coming-of-age historical that happens to have enough of a love story and LGBTQIA+ angle that a queer-press Romance publisher took a chance on it. That’s who Riptide is: queer Romance, and mostly queer contemporary Romance.

They bought it for the love story and wanted ONLY that. Future books full of war and politics and a more complicated love story…they aren’t interested. I was told as much when we began the editing process: “We’ll take these, but that’s it. Do you still want to proceed?”* Were the duology to become a hit and sell oodles, Riptide might change their minds, but they also might not. Like most small boutique presses, they have a highly specific publishing pool. That’s how boutique publishers survive. They can’t begin to compete with the Big Five publishing houses, so offer just one or two menu items, and try to do those well enough that buyers return for more.

For me to sell any more of the series, I need to find another publisher. I might be able to sell more on the strength of the first two, but if they have pretty decent ratings on Goodreads/Amazon, their sales figures are not high—in part because they’re ebook only, online distribution only (not found in bookstores), which severely limits sales. That I’m still pulling (small) royalty cheques each month is a testament to YOU ALL, my wonderful readers, and your word-of-mouth. Plus the unique nature of historials (again, see below). But the best way you can help me find a new publisher is to encourage your friends to buy the books and to leave a rating, or even a review, on Goodreads or Amazon. Those have severely dropped off in recent months.

Because mainstream historicals ARE so hard to sell, I’m disinclined to throw myself into years writing King and books that follow, only for it to take another 30 to sell them. I might be dead by then! (I’d be 88.)

Ergo, I’m working on something with a higher likelihood of selling: an epic fantasy series called Master of Battles with a lot of historical world-building elements. I’m about 2/3rds of the way through the 4th of 5 projected books. If I can get an agent and place those at a larger publishing house, THEN (perhaps) I can turn my attention to King, the third in the Alexander series. I do have most of the larger plot arc mulled over in my head, and I know where I plan to take various elements. But it’s not written yet because I need to spend time on what I’m more confident will actually sell.

Some readers ask, Why not try self-publishing? Three big reasons:

First, there is a LOT of effort sunk into a novel before it ever comes out, not just by the author, but with three levels of editing (structural, line-edits, copy-edits), plus the book cover and marketing. These are handled by people skilled at those things…which usually isn’t the author. Without a publisher, the author must then pay someone else to do it. It’s a lot more expensive than you might expect: $1000-3000 per book, depending on type of editing. Book covers cost, as well, although typically somewhat less. ALL of that means financial reserves the average author just doesn’t have, but publishing houses do.

Second, it requires time to market it, which most authors don’t have if they also (like me) have a day job. I already did/do a fair bit of marketing for Dancing, but nothing like you really need to get word of the novel out. In addition, most people don’t know WHERE to send books for professional reviews, or have any clout to get noticed if they do. Once more, publishing houses have these people on staff. If I’d self-published, I’d never have been reviewed by Publisher’s Weekly, nor likely have gotten on Bookbub (twice).

Last, name-recognition. I’m a little better positioned than before the duology was sold, but not by much.

Authors who are truly successful at self-publishing tend to 1) have a spousal-unit willing to support them, 2) don’t have a full-time job or are retired, 3) DO have spare cash, 4) are naturally skilled at marketing, *OR*/and 5) have prior name recognition from a career in trad-publishing. As someone without a spouse, with a full-time job, and lacking oodles of cash on hand to pay for what I can’t do myself…I’m not in a great position to self-publish.

And finally, that somewhat longer explanation of how historicals sell that makes publishers reluctant to invest in them:

The average book sells most of its total-ever sales in the first 6-8 months, and certainly within the first year, unless it happens to break into the rarified air of best-seller or award-winning status. Traditional publishers tend to rip books out of print around a year, at most two, if they don’t sell out their advance, as it’s assumed they never will and better to cut losses in paper/print costs. Multiply published authors might get books in print longer, but new authors typically do not. It can be harder to sell a third book than the first one, for that reason. Death in the Mid-list. Ebooks are different as they escape the heavy paper-cost overhead, but the assumption is still “You’re done,” at about a year.

Historicals don’t sell that way, in part because people read them for the *historical* aspect, and therefore, someone may come to love a topic (and read the book) five, ten, twenty years later—especially for an historical figure like Alexander the Great, who has enormous fan recognition. Occasionally other events (movies, documentaries, even museum shows) can ignite greater temporary interest, but historicals just have “slow burn” staying power other genres largely do not. Unfortunately, they also don’t tend to sell loads right out the door. Their sales trajectory, if they’re allowed to stay in print, can look the reverse of the average novel.

So that’s why publishers—who want a quick return—mostly don’t like them. If they do buy them, they edge to action books, not character-based novels (which naturally read slower).

* Dancing with the Lion was originally optioned for Riptide by Sarah Lyons back around 2014; she wanted (so she told me) to use it to expand the press into queer-friendly markets adjacent to Romance. But within months, she faced a breast cancer health crisis which seriously delayed even getting the contract finalized (2017). No sooner had we done that than she got herself embroiled in a terrible scandal at Riptide and resigned. As a result, my books became sorta orphans. To be sure, after that, I didn’t want to work with her anyway, but it also meant the original purchasing editor was no longer there. Riptide fulfilled the terms of the contract, my editor (May Peterson) was great, and Grace has been very kind at answering my publicity questions, but any prior plans to do anything more with them was tabled—assuming Lyons wasn’t lying about all that in the first place. She seems to have been a shady individual.

Why did I stay with Riptide after all that, especially being told, after Lyons left, they don’t want the rest? Well, after so many years trying to sell the novel, I wanted it published, even if these first two were all that would ever see print. A foot in the door is better than staring at the doorbell forever.

Also, I includes dates above as, ime, most folks who aren’t writers or part of the publishing industry tend not to realize how long it takes to get anything written, much less sold and into print. So it gives readers a sense of time frames.

[thebibliosphere]

Frequently Asked Questions

Welcome to the FAQ. Here are some of the most often asked questions in my inbox.

- Who are you, and what am I doing here? Hello, I’m Joy, and this is my little corner of the internet. You may know me from such viral posts as Crucifix Nail Nipples, Robin Williams punching death eaters, or from my advocacy work where I focus on issues of disability, chronic illness, and neurodivergency. You may also know me from my international best-selling novel about vampires and werewolves kissing. 

In which case, the vampire nipple thing probably comes as a bit of a shock. I also co-host @theayesphere, an interactive podcast with my bestie @ayeforscotland, on his Twitch channel.

If you genuinely do not know how you got here, welcome anyway. I hope you find a reason to stay.

- I sent you a message, and you never responded! I’m sorry about that. I get a lot of mail daily, and it’s impossible to keep up with. It’s not a reflection of you or my regard for you. I appreciate every kind word and message of support sent my way, even if I can’t always reply to it.

I am but a humble peddler of smut who never expected to have a viral blog. I’m also multiply disabled, so the struggle to keep up is real.

- So, what’s wrong with you? How long have you got? 

The quick answer is I have a connective tissue disorder known as Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), comorbid with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). All three were diagnosed in 2020 after a lifelong struggles with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, fainting episodes and what I thought was asthma and chronic vomitting but actually turned out to be slow-acting idiopathic anaphylaxis. I am now on a treatment plan and am considered stable.

In late 2022 after losing the entire year to debilitating migraines, I was also diagnosed with atypical Binocular Vision Disorder by a neuro-ophthalmologist. This was a major root cause of my chronic migraines which had been missed by both a regular ophthalmologists and several neurologists. My case was considered ‘atypical’ because I did not present with the classic double vision symptoms checked for by most ophthalmologists. But upon extensive testing by the neuro-ophthalmologist, the misalignment in my eyes was diagnosed correctly and I was prescribed micro-prism glasses. I was also prescribed red-tinted lenses to help with extreme photophobia, as red blocks more blue light than other colors.

After three months of screen rest and allowing my eyes to adjust to the lenses -- as well as extensive vision therapy--my monthly migraine count went from 20+ migraines a month down to 3. My remaining migraines appear to be hormonal in nature, but I have found that taking 400mg of b2 (riboflavin) a day, as prescribed by my neurologist, has greatly reduced the pain.

Despite the recent progress in my treatment, I am still a very sick, very fatigued individual and struggle to keep up with life sometimes.

I also have chronic ‘double depression’, cPTSD and ADHD, leaning more toward the hyper end of the spectrum. So I’m doubly cursed with a slow, slow body and a fast, fast mind that sometimes wants to yeet itself off a cliff. It’s an Experience. All of my posts pertaining to mental health are tagged as #mental health. Most of my ADHD stuff can be found under #adult adhd.

You can read more about my health issues by following my #chronic health tag or blacklist if you prefer! I also have one for my teeth #chronic health tag: teeth, though that one is less active since the nerve damage in my jaw was resolved.

- Why do you use affiliate links? Good question! There are a lot of hidden costs that go into indie publishing, and a large part of that is what we lose to places like Amazon in fees. Using affiliate links to promote our work allows authors to recoup some of that loss from our royalties, though not quite all of it. The links don’t cost you anything, nor do they tell me anything about your private data or shopping habits. They’re just a way for me to claw money back directly from Amazon. I try to limit how often I link to Amazon as the only thing I’m interested in peddling are my weres. And maybe a couple of vampires while I’m at it.

- Who is ETD/Mothman?

ETD/Mothman was the name my blog gave to my husband several years ago when my blog started getting popular. He has since joined Tumblr, and you can follow his shenanigans @mothman-etd

- Wait, you wrote a book?! I did! Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites is a 2x international best-selling paranormal, pun-filled polyamorous queer romance series with elements of Gaslamp fantasy and political satire. It features vampires, werewolves, and several other manner of creatures that go bump in the night. It has been described by those who have read it as “like reading the queer-goth-punk love child of Terry Pratchett meets Jane Austen. You can read more about it here or check out my website. The primary tag used by the fandom here on Tumblr is #Phangs.

- Vampires or werewolves? Why not both? \_(ツ)_/

- Hi, I want to support your work! Which purchase method best supports you? Any way you choose to purchase my books helps me! Purchasing through my Payhip or Gumroad nets me the most money, but purchasing through sites like Amazon contributes to my sales ranking, which increases my chances of trending in the algorithm and gaining a wider audience. Reviews are also a fantastic way to support an author, as is word of mouth.

Please note, I will be phasing out the Gumroad links following their stance on NFTS and the ensuing behavior of their CEO on Twitter. This should not affect your files. If, for some reason, you lose your digital copy and Gumroad won’t let you download it again via your email link, please reach out to me at info @ joydemorra.com

- Can I write fanfic/create fanart of your work? Please do! I want nothing more for you to enjoy my work to the point of creation. Just be careful not to tag me in any fanfic, and please don’t send me any headcanons. If someone accidentally guesses my plot and shows it to me, it can risk any of my future book plans. Keep fandom discussions within fandom. The author is (un)dead, and their opinion doesn’t matter. If you make fanart, you can tag me in that, but please don’t link to your Patreon or Ko-Fi in the post where I can see it. If I see you are making a profit from my work, I am legally obligated to file a takedown. If I do not see any such links, which may or may not exist in any reblogs I am not immediately tagged in, we do not have a problem. 🙈🙈🙈

- Can I cosplay your characters and tag you? Absolutely! Just make sure you follow the above advice about Ko-Fi and Patreon links.

- Will you sign my copy of [____] If this is post-pandemic times and we are at a meet and greet, yes! I’ll also have bookplates for sale soon that you can insert into your copies or do with them as you please.

 - Are you going to turn any of your books into audiobooks? Yes! My audiobooks are narrated by Catherine Bilson (aka @caitlynlynch) and you can find them listed under my buy link options.

- Why do you write two versions of the same story? Glad you asked! I write two versions of all my stories so that people who enjoy sex scenes can enjoy them, and those who prefer not to read depictions of sexual acts don’t need to skip pages to avoid the more explicit scenes. You can read more about my decision to do this here.

- Help! I bought the wrong version! Most of my retailers will allow you to return the book for a full refund, freeing you to purchase the correct copy. If you bought a copy through my Gumroad or Payhip, drop me a line at info @ joydemorra.com, and we’ll get it resolved :)

- You’re an editor, right? Will you look at my manuscript? Regrettably, I am not taking on any new clients at the moment, but if you would like to check out my editors, you can fine them at @roselarkpublishing

- When will you be editing again? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depth of a teaspoon.

- When is your next book coming out? When I have the mental and physical capacity greater than the depths of a teaspoon. (Sorry, I know I’m taking too long.)

- Will you reblog my donation post? I’m afraid that due to the high volume of requests that I get (anywhere from 5-20 a day), I am currently only reblogging donation posts from mutuals. I’m sorry. There are just too many for me to keep up with without flooding my dash. But please do look into @copperbadge’s Radio Free Monday, which I always try to reblog. The submission form is here, and Sam wrote a guide on how to write fundraising posts here.

- What’s your favorite book? Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett. Closely followed by Going Postal by Terry Pratchett and Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones.

- What’s your favorite movie? Singin’ in the Rain!

- Favorite music? I’ve been listening to The Amazing Devil on loop for over eighteen months, so it’s safe to say I like them.

- Why do you use Amazon? Aren’t they evil incarnate?!?

They are, but they’re also the biggest-selling platform for eBooks for indie and trad authors and not using them is career suicide. If you don’t like Amazon, I have plenty of other platforms for you to use, including directly from my Payhip, which allows you to use Kindle without giving Jeff Bezos a penny.

- Can I send you something I made/thought you might like? Sure! My PO Box is:

JOY DEMORRA # 250 2038 FORD PARKWAY SAINT PAUL MN 55116

- I saw you from the essential oil discourse and was just wondering… Please have pity on my chronic fatigue and refer to the master list post compiled very kindly by @paradoxanomalyenigma. You may find that I have already answered your question. If not, come ask me!

- Why did you move from Scotland to the US? I met and fell and love with Mothman. Originally we were going to live in the UK, but they changed the immigration laws six weeks before our wedding, and it ended up being more accessible for me to move here than for him to move there. Ideally, we would both like to have dual citizenship one day.

- Does Mothman really believe in me? Always.

- Are you Wiccan? No, I’m a pagan who identifies as a secular witch and have been for the last 20+ years. I don’t hold to any particular creed or belief. The gods might well exist. I’ve just got little time for them.

- Can you post to your bad luck chain-mail spell breaker? It makes me feel better. Here you go! Here’s my other curse breaker post if you want it, too.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hello,

Do you have any reasons for not publishing the finished Curse Words books on some royalty press site or Amazon KDP, or just no reason to do so? I ask because I like physical books, and it’s fairly easy to create one on Amazon. But like, it makes sense not wanting to work with anything owned by Jeff Beez. And using other services to make a physical book probably wouldn’t be worth the hassle.

There are two general revenue streams used when it comes to self publishing online; product-based (where you write books and sell them) or donation-based (where people can read for free and authors are paid through services like ko-fi or patreon, offering bonus materials and services in exchange for patron support). Combined approaches, going for selling the product AND selling your service, tend not to work very well unless you're a really popular and established author. (Some people will publish the first book or so in a series on a donation-based system to get readers hooked, then remove it from the internet and attempt to sell them the series that patrons already paid for, but I find that to be a pretty scummy practice.) You kinda have to pick a lane and commit.

The reason I don't publish on royalty press sites is because I'm using the "my works are for free, supported by patrons" model. Most options like Kindle Unlimited demand exclusive publishing rights (which is incompatible with a patreon model) and even those who don't simply don't have their services and marketing set up in a way that supports a patreon model, so they tend not to be worth the effort. Electronic text versions of the published Curse Words books are available (for free) on my Discord, and when the series is over I'll probably use such a service to offer them as free ebooks and release the full series at once. I wasn't aware until now that there was a demand for print versions, but I'm happy to offer them print-on-demand (at printing and postage cost, no profit; I'm not charging money for what I've already given away for free) if that's what people want. It'll have to be a future project, though.

[oldsoldierr]

The Carnation ~ Part 2

summary: the media always told you that the famous art critic bucky barnes is an arrogant, rude playboy and you agree, but something still draws you to him. is there a deeper reason to why he acts the way he does or is he the class A jackass you first met?

art critic!bucky x artist!reader

word count: about 2.1k

series masterlist ~ part 1

After your startling realization that you just might have a crush on a certain Bucky Barnes, you tried your best to just ignore it. You told yourself that your feelings would go away after not seeing him for the rest of your life. You just assumed that after he left that day it would be the end of it. 

But then he did the worst thing you could’ve possibly imagined. He came back to the studio. Everyday in fact. You had never known someone so frustrating. 

Every day he’d come in, insult something, and sit on whichever side of you wasn’t occupied by Steve. Bucky would just sit there annoying you for however long he was there, occasionally walking over to Sharon’s area or making conversation with Steve. How did this busy man always find time to be the worst?

One time after a particularly rough day, you complained, “Why won’t you just sit by Steve?” He just smiled at you innocently.

“Well, how’m I supposed to bother you when you’re a whole seat away from me?” You stared at him blankly for a good 5 minutes. You lost 12 brain cells that day.

You decided you’d need a new plan once you realized he actually wasn’t going anywhere. After considering hiring some pest patrol or just hitting him with a brush you decided on just trying to avoid him.

It’s too bad that it was near impossible because, not only did he insist on moving seats to wherever you moved, but after a couple of weeks of Bucky coming to the art studio, Steve had to leave town for some business meetings.

“It’s gonna be fine!” Steve insisted. 

Your car reached the airport.

“You guys know each other well enough to be by yourselves for two weeks.”

“I do not! We’re barely acquaintances! All he does in the studio is bother me or flirt,” you retorted. “I legitimately don’t think he’s picked one pencil up since he first started coming.”

“That’s not true! He picked up a pencil once to throw it at you,” he pointed out. You barked out a laugh.

“Really helping your case here,” you said sarcastically.

“Hey,” Steve looked at you and squeezed your shoulder reassuringly. “It’s gonna be okay.” You took a deep breath.

“I really hope so.” You gave the blonde a nervous smile. 

“Anyways, I don’t matter right now. Go be amazing at your meeting and when you get the client you have to give me half the money!” You changed the subject.

“Fuck no!” Steve laughed. You continued to chat as you parked the car and began helping Steve get out his luggage. With each second the realization that you weren’t going to see Steve for 14 days hit you harder. Once his suitcases were all out you gave him a bittersweet look.

“I’m really gonna miss you.” You engulfed him in a hug. He hugged back.

“It’s only for two weeks and I’ll call you,” he soothed. You pulled away and rocked back and forth on your heels.

“You promise?” The blonde chuckled.

“Mhm, I’ll even pinky promise,” he said with a teasing smile. You gave him a faux pout.

“You’re mean. I change my mind. I’m not gonna miss you.” You jokingly walked away but you knew you were only trying to delay him leaving. Steve caught on.

“Well, I gotta go now y/n/n,” he said. You sighed.

“I know…” You acknowledged sadly but didn’t show your true emotions for long.

“Good luck! Go kick ass!” You continued with forced excitement.

He put his hands on each side of your shoulders. 

“It’s really gonna be okay,” he assured. He turned around and started walking to the airport.

You nodded as Steve left. But your smile dropped as soon as you were out of his view. Steve had been your only friend since you moved to Brooklyn and had never been without him this long. You massaged the bridge of your nose.

How the fuck am I gonna survive this?

~~~

If you’re being honest, your drive back was rather depressing. You didn’t even bother turning on the radio. You just drove with a tight expression on your face trying to make your anxieties go away, but they just wouldn’t stop. Your brain was pounding. 

You had sulk-driven in silence around a third of the way back without even noticing. That’s when you felt your phone vibrate and the familiar chiming ringtone of a call. 

You glanced down quickly at the screen to see an unknown number. You thought about just ignoring it since you got spam often and you know, you were driving. It probably would’ve been the wiser thing to do but you were bored and miserable so you thought, what the hell. You heard the beep as you pressed the accept call button.

“Hello?” You half expected to get an automated message telling you that you had won an amazon gift card and that you needed to tell them your credit card number immediately. Instead, it was a rich, deep voice you had heard far too many times before.

“Hey y/n,” Your eyes widened so much you were afraid they might fall out.

“Bucky?” you choked out. You could practically see his smug little face.

“Yes ma’am,” he replied obediently. There was an unending amount of thoughts swirling through your head faster than you could calculate. The first question that entered your mind was, “How did you get this number?” Something rustled from the other end before bucky responded.

“I hacked into your phone and took it,” He said sarcastically. You raised your eyebrows.

“Haha, very funny. But seriously, did Steve give it to you?” Bucky hesitated and answered.

“Yeah.--” He selected his words with caution. “--...he thought you might need some company.” From the deliberate phrasing he chose, you deduced that Steve had told him about you being a lonely fuck. You internally groaned.

“S’ one way to put it,” you mumbled.  “Thank you for your consideration but I don’t feel like being pitied right now.” Bucky fake laughed.

“Like I’d ever pity you,” he said like it was a hilarious joke. 

“It’s more babysitting.” You suddenly remembered you were talking to Bucky Barnes and bit your lip in exasperation. 

“Fuck you, Bucky,” you snapped back. You knew you had made a mistake far too late.

“Only if you want me too,” he sang back, overjoyed at the opportunity to make the joke.

You threatened, “I will hang up your ass faster than you can say pumpkin pie is the worst pie.” The brunette fucking laughed.

“Mmm, so first of all, it’s not, it’s the best thing on earth, and second, then why haven’t you hung up yet?” You didn’t really have an answer to give him that wasn’t “I love your voice and I want to kiss you”. You swiftly came up with an excuse.

“Cause I need to drive idiot.”

More noise erupted from Bucky’s side. Your eyes narrowed, confused.

“Where are you right now? It sounds like a zoo on your end.” You heard the brunette talking to someone before he returned to you.

“Hmm? Oh, I’m at an art museum.” You scrunched your brows together. What’s he doing at an art museum at 11:30pm? You wondered. You felt like you had heard something about this before, but couldn’t put your finger on it. Another couple seconds of idle insults were held between the two of you. Then, as if to answer you you hear someone distantly say, “Thank you for coming to the Party in the Garden, please take a…” You gasp. That’s what you were trying to remember! 

“You’re at the fucking biggest MoMA fundraiser of the year and you’re talking to me? You’re so much dumber than I thought you were.” This man was truly unbelievable. But you had to admit it did feel nice that he was blowing off the party for you. 

“There are some really important people there, what are you doing on your phone?” you scolded. He hummed in response.

“In my defense, it’s kind of your fault I’m on my phone.” Bucky pointed out.

“I-- wh-” you stuttered at this guy’s nerve. “How is it my fault? You called me!”

“Yeah cause you don’t have any friends. That’s why Steve made me call you, right?” Bucky sneered. From his tone, it seemed like he realized how much that hurt you. This fucking man. Your voice rose.

“Oh, I don’t have any friends? Like you can talk, the person with only fake friends.” You said defensively. “None of them actually like you, they like your status, you know,”  You snapped in return. By his silence, clearly you had struck a chord with him. This conversation went from 1 to 100 real quick. He grunted.

“At least I even have fake friends. Do YOU have any? Oh that's right, you don’t, you’re all. fucking. Alone. And I don’t doubt for a minute that you deserve it,” he bit back. Oh, he was gonna be like that. You scoffed before going off.

“Oh I deserve it? Look at yourself. You always pretend you’re the best, walk around like you're royalty. Well, I’ve seen how you really are, you aren’t worth a damn thing.” Bucky went to interrupt but you weren’t done. “You’re an insecure, cowardly bitch who insults others to make yourself feel better about yourself. Do you wanna know what people say behind your back? They say you’re annoying and arrogant. A selfish ass playboy who doesn’t deserve a fucking thing he gets, goddamn cuck,” You exploded, taking a deep breath. 

There were so many emotions rocking around your head it was getting hard to think clearly. Cars beeped at you as you began to drift. The phone was silent before Bucky spoke again. It was surprisingly quiet and vulnerable.

“That’s what you think?” You realized what you had said.

“I-- no-I didn’t--” This time he cut you off.

“It’s fine,” he replied sharply. “I understand--” He let out a breath. 

“I won’t bother you again.” 

“No, wait--!” With a loud beep, the line went dead. 

You groaned. 

Shit. 

You hit your hand on the dashboard. 

Stupid, stupid, you scolded yourself.

You tried to make excuses for saying those things but you couldn’t. Most of them weren’t even true. You felt like a monster.  You yelled in frustration. You couldn’t even call anyone to talk about it. Steve was on a plane and your other friends were asleep in your hometown. You wished you had never answered that call. You wished you hadn’t been such an idiot. 

The rest of the ride back felt even colder than it had beforehand. The busy city of Brooklyn passed you by. The lights and the noise you had dreamed about as a kid felt dull and melancholic. 

Fuck the American dream. 

You arrived at your apartment around an hour later. You pulled up in front of the building and walked up to your floor like there was a pile of bricks on your back. You fiddled with your keys before finding the right one and walked inside your apartment. You collapsed onto the couch and screamed into a cushion. 

I should call him back and apologize, you thought. But from the little time you spent with Bucky Barnes, you knew he didn’t forgive that easily. 

How did this all go to shit so fast? Your conversation had started so nicely. Maybe even playfully flirty if you squinted.

You didn’t get a chance to wallow in your self-pity for long as your phone rang again for the second time that night. You grabbed hopefully at the phone thinking it might be Bucky, but it wasn’t. Your wishful thinking seemed it was just that cause it was another random number.

You placed it face down back on the couch and let it ring out. For half a minute the ringtone that you began to resent sang it’s melody. You didn’t have the heart to stop it though, as it went to voicemail. You were planning on completely ignoring it but your conscience wouldn’t let you. What if it was important?

You sighed as you unlocked your phone and clicked on the play button on the voicemail. As the person on the other side kept speaking, you felt like your heart was going further into your throat. You couldn’t breathe and your hands shook.

“Ms. y/l/n, this is NYU Langone Health, you need to come to the hospital as soon as possible. James Buchanan Barnes has been in an accident.”

writing this series is pretty fun but i miss going outside and seeing real people :’)

series masterlist

[olivieblake]

Is there a place that’s best to buy La Petite Mort from? I know this one isn’t self-published. It’s in my amazon cart rn but I wasn’t sure if it made a difference for you where it’s purchased? Like to get a bigger percentage of the sale at one place vs another? I have no idea how this works!

HELLO MY DARLING tbh I don’t know because I am only getting a portion of the royalty, so for me it’s the same across the board as far as I can tell. I think you can probably treat it as the same from platform to platform? but if you have an opposition to amazon as a company (as some people have mentioned to me) then I would probably say barnes and noble

[tenacious-scripturient]

a run-down of / my thoughts on the novel ‘trade secrets’

so! i’ve recently finished this beautifully written novel by @bettsican​, and am anxiously anticipating for the second book in the trilogy! (seriously, give it a read. it’s a great lgbtq+ thriller and mystery story, i promise you’ll love it!! you can find trade secrets in many places, including amazon, where it’s only $6)

as i was reading it, i noted down all the thoughts i had. it was fun, interesting, and kept me on the edge of my seat!

oh, and spoiler warning, of course.

Chapter One

okay. this is interesting. why are they in paris? or rather, why are they NOT in paris?

2080. damn.

who is cooper hall and why is he important i want to knowwwwwwww

Chapter Two

HOLY FUCK

CHAPTER ONE WAS A PROLOGUE

OKAY IF I DIDNT NEED TO BEFORE I HAVE TO READ IT NOW

-ahem- anyway

nate literally everything you think of has to relate to smoking, doesnt it?

clyde you absolutely bitch raccoon

im sort of piecing together what’s happening here? either way this is a SUPER interesting concept.

i love the idea of every word being important

nate look at you being a nice guy. testing the CAPS before giving them to ur clients

or maybe it’s just good business

but whatever

okay, so credits are money in this world. but how do people get them? obviously there’s what nate’s doing but what’s the legal way to get them? ill probably find out soon

if it wasnt explicitly said by betty that nate ends up with another guy (i forget his name. cooper?) i would have thought audry was the romantic interest

audry you loving caring hypocrite

i feel like she’s gonna be one of my favourite characters

who is this young man that dares disturb nate’s slumber

cooper? cooper.

Chapter Three

nate get up

u turtle get up and hurry down the stairs

or—okay you can fall into that drywall that works too

ohhhhh so nate is a detective. that’s interesting

i also love this idea of keeping secrets (haha trade secrets)

dude are you sure that your embarrassing entrance wasn’t the ONLY reason you blushed? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIG—

nate ur spending an awful lot of time looking at his features you funky little bisexual

oh damn ur smarter than u seem, just watching him take a single breath and you’re already making connections. i guess that’s why he’s a detective

im gonna assume this is cooper, even tho it never explicitly says so

i feel like we aren’t gonna get his name for a while, bc clients and whatnot and not getting attached

Chapter Four

NATE WEARS GLASSES???????

that’s kind of cute

im lowkey gay rn

anyway

NATE CALLED HIM SWEET-FACED AND PRETTY-FACED O K A Y

oh he has curly brown hair

and oh the glasses aren’t real glasses. oh. the use is actually pretty cool!

so from what im gathering civilians are people who don’t live in sanctuaries, and lemnis are people who do?

cooper sweetie why do u need so much money what have u done

nate’s pretty clever

HAH I WAS RIGHT WE AREN’T GONNA GET HIS NAME FOR A WHILE

well that’s that i guess

Chapter Five

he’s so timid awh

hehe he’s on nate’s bed

sorry

goddammit man calm down or else you’re gonna get everyone in a 5-mile radius around you arrested

wait…. zero-credit balance?? didn’t he just have a few hundred thousand credits???

OH THIS IS A FAKE PROFILE HE MADE

so cooper isn’t his real name either

oh

Chapter Six

oh we’re back to 2080

oh they’re back in the apartment??

it was obvious before but at this point it’s confirmed that they’re going to be doing some travelling together or something

Chapter Seven

this is getting really interesting i dont wanna stop reading and type everything that comes to mind

these are gonna be shorter now hehe

“i’d been a petri dish of mixed emotions and wild chemical changes for half the day” I LOVE THAT METAPHOR LMFAO

what happened with nate’s mom

i want to know

my prediction: she wanted him to either change up or completely remove the chip bc she did something horrible? or maybe she just wanted to leave idk im bad at predictions

either way it said she was crazy

o h

that’s why he’s terrified of cutting the chip

poor nate

Chapter Eight

oh this is strangely intimate

very intimate

i feel that, because cooper has such high pain tolerance (or doesn’t show pain), he has some backstory for it

Chapter Nine

lmao nate just went off didnt he

THEIR FLIRTING IS CUTE FHJKJDLSKAJDKLSJAK

also is being lgbtq+ widely accepted as the norm in this setting? bc nate considered cooper to be flirting with him

ughhhh it’s so good so far, from the character interactions to the suspense, especially in this chapter

Chapter Ten

rude cooper is rude, rude nate is even more rude

F E D O R A

“coop”

Chapter Eleven

aw i love jimmy already—

WHAT THE FUCK COOPER

EXCUSE ME

JIMMY

WHAT

HOW COULD YOU

goddammit

what the fuck is cooper hiding

cooper oh my god

you

you’re playing a dangerous game, mate

are you really that heartless

“deceptively innocent eyes” you got that right

this chapter hurted

thanks a lot jess

Chapter Twelve

“like a weeping wound on the canvas of my home” this has got to be one of my favourite similes ever omg

the way nate’s describing cooper makes my heart hurt awh

i feel like butterflies have some sort of symbolism

maybe being ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside, or vice versa? the vice versa was basically cooper lol

aye we finally get to meet audry!!

PEANUT BUTTER AND TRICYCLE I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT

i love audry omg

IT’S NATE’S BIRTHDAY?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA SMOKEY CONMAN

“bright eyes” is the cutest nickname ever

Chapter Thirteen

oh we’re back to 2080

wait what they’re trapped together

is this story gonna have a sad ending

please no

Chapter Fourteen

OH IT’S THE LINE ON THE COVER

i like that

nate’s back to where he left cooper

also if it wasn’t obvious before, it’s definitely obvious now that nate and cooper or gonna find each other again. hm. not sure how i feel about that

kind of pissed at cooper but also we need him for the story to progress

O H

COOPER IM ONLY KIND OF PISSED AT YOU NOW

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

NATE IVE SAID IT BEFORE BUT YOU’RE PRETTY CLEVER

also who is ‘her’?

COOPER WANTS TO BECOME A?? LEMNIS?? GODDAMMIT MAN

I CAN FEEL THE PRESSURE RISING

nate’s in danger

wow this chapter is

a lot

i need a break

-cue a break-

Chapter Fifteen

i’m back

eisley is a cool last name

oh wait so even people outside of sanctuaries can become a lemniscate

i’m still not 100% sure what a lemniscate is

it’s so ironic elijah’s last name is king, but i assume you did that on purpose. i also like the slight nod to royalty by his first name

OH

COOPER’S BACK

why hello there

Chapter Sixteen

they’re

competing

to become a lemniscate

and one of them dies

do they fight back?? is that why they end up in prison??? so many thoughts are going through my head right now

nate, your fantasy about becoming a lemniscate is surprisingly dark. i’m totally down for it

Chapter Seventeen

oh wait so joshua is cooper’s blackmailer?? Interesting that it’s a lemniscate

i keep forgetting nate is wearing glasses

cooper, my dude, calm the fuck down. you’re gonna get yourself and nate killed

it’s the return of soft™ nate

Chapter Eighteen

oh there’s another one

oh this is very ominous i don’t like

Chapter Nineteen – Twenty-One

okay i was eating while i read so i couldn’t type here but just know that these chapters were really really good

Chapter Twenty-Two

wait fuck what’s happening this is all happening so fast

cooper brought out his gun,,,, it’s aimed at ivonne,,,,,,, they’re walking,,,

OH IT WAS A FAKE KIDNAPPING

nice

i like ivonne a lot

Chapter Twenty-Three

the entire story just changed course

this isn’t just about cooper and nate anymore, it’s about a corrupt government

NATE AND COOPER ARE HOLDING HANDS AS THEY RUN THROUGH THE BARRIER THAT’S SO ROMANTIC

also the line “only the dead are ever truly free” is beautiful

THAT’S WHERE PARIS COMES IN

THEY ALL GO TO FRANCE DON’T THEY

I’m so curious to find out where this story is going

Chapter Twenty-Four

this is doin me a confusion

but tbh these hints/ visions of the future, if you could call them that, are giving just enough information to keep me super interested. props to you

Chapter Twenty-Five

AUDRY STOP TEASING NATE

just joking keep doing it, this might actually get their relationship somewhere

ivonne is definitely my favourite character so far. she reminds a little of melia from xenoblade chronicles, in that they’re both ‘royalty’ that rebel. also they’re badass and smart

oh fuck the brother is here

okay thank god he’s not an asshole

oh god things are happening again

Chapter Twenty-Six

nate stop ogling at cooper when you’re in a life-or-death situation

holy shit the lemniscate are messed up

this crew is pretty great, it sucks that it’s almost the end of the book

WAIT I FORGOT THERE’S A SECOND COMING SOON HECK YEAH

anyway

YES COOPER PULL THROUGH

awwww yiss

Chapter Twenty-Seven

oh

oh

O H

oh my god i ship them so hard

THEY KISSED

THIS IS SO STEAMY

this chapter was art thank you so much for this

Chapter Twenty-Eight

AHAHAH AUDRY

once again, i’d like to state how much i love her

oh the tension just grew twentyfold

this is… great

oh god nate what are you planning, you just got together with cooper and now you want to leave him?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

what’s with all the dancing?

Chapter Thirty

oh god the description

so he’s going around and giving people credits, all the while confessing things that would help the lemniscate track him down. i assume this means he’s going to die, but why?

just what are you planning?

oh we’re back to clyde, the guy who started it all. it feels full circle

Chapter Thirty-One

OH

HE’S MAKING HIS CHIP SHOW THAT HE’S DEAD

that’s much smarter

FUCK

NATE YOU IDIOT—COOPER’S REAL NAME

SHIT NOW KING IS HERE

everything’s going downhill now isn’t it

Chapter Thirty-Two

wait that took an even darker turn

there’s so much happening right now i can’thandlethis

cooper and nate are couple goals

Chapter Thirty-Three

king isn’t as horrible as i thought

still horrible, but not a monster

NEVER MIND YOU’RE A FUCKING MONSTER WHAT IS THIS BS

cooper

actually

shot

nate

Chapter Thirty-Four

OH MY GOD

WHAT

THIS IS HOW YOU END IT

I CAN’T

HOW DARE YOU

NO

NO

NO

NO

i need the next book

like right now

what the hell

Final Thoughts

okay so this book was SO good, and so well written. like damn

aside from that horrible ending how could you do this to me

i’m joking, it was an incredible and emotional ending, i loved it and hated it at the same time

it very rarely felt static, and especially in the first half, there was a good mix of action and backstory/description. it was never boring

the story is just,,, so unique. i seriously haven’t read anything like it, EVER

the world-building?? Is?? so vast?? and insane??

the increasing tension and speed as the story progressed is perfect, i felt my heart beating faster the more i read

anyway that’s all from me

this book was amazing i cannot wait for the next