#HE'S ALWAYS ON THAT DAMN PUTER!!!!!!!!!!!

[mymarifae]

the youth are too dependent on technology.

[mcdonaldsnumberone]

spoilers for romancing sebastian under cut

HE SAID YES 😻😻😻😻

[evengirlierballs]

What are your NITW headcanons?

I HAVE A LIST: 1. Gregg is trans and might realize that after they start living in bright harbour 2. Bea and Jackie are the best two characters to ship don't @ me. 3. The Janitor is a cryptid who just shows up to fix things when people are going through difficult transitions, hence is obsession with fixing doors. He's always helping people through thresholds of uncertainty 4. Germ is. 5. Gregg and angus will eventually break up/join a polycule after seeing what else is out there, since right now theyre the only gay boys in town to their knowledge. 6. Mae is Nonbinary (directly disproven in a statement by the creators, i simply do not care) 7. Gregg and Mae and Angus are all supposed to be fat characters!!!! I continue to re-iterate this and display it in my work. Most people dont have a problem with angus being fat but they will often draw gregg as a twink and mae as a female twink, but:

THIS BOY IS WIDER THAN HE IS TALL LIKE GOT DAMN how are people still pretending that he's a twinklet. all i have to say is NUH UH! and for mae, her clothes are often depitcted as too small and i just like the idea of her form matching gregg's as their connection is strong. 8. Gregg clearly prefers physical activites like skating, biking, smashing cars with bats, crossbowing, knife fighting, archery (etc) but I also totally feel like he's a nerd you know? like he'd totally have a fun night with angus and mae and bea playing DnD or something, He may not have always been into that stuff, but Angus would totally get him into it. 9. [SPOILERS AHEAD] I believe that obnoxious church group was part of the secret town cult. We never get to know all of who was a part of the conservative uncle cult, and what we do know about the members is vague at best. But, there's a small list of people i noticed who don't show up for the final day of the game before band practice, it could just be a coincidence, ya know, theyre just sleeping in or something, But i wouldn't be surprised if those shitheads who refused to house bruce bit it at the bottom of the well. For a while I also thought Bea's dad and Aunt Molly were part of the cult, but in the weird autumn edition, both of those characters are encountered during the final day/cutscene on mae's puter. 10. Mae's grandad and that older union dog lady (sasha? i think?) were totally slonkin' each other's shit silly style between/at protests. 11. If you smack gregg's knife enough times in the knife fight scene, it'll break! and he'll replace it with a much cooler orange knife. This isn't a headcanon, this is just a fun fact from me! Lar! 12. Angus is definitely the top, he's just soft about it. and gregg is just a hyperactive bottom. 13. In the scene where mae attends the party in the woods with her friends, The eternal idea of, "a douchebag with an acoustic guitar who does nothing but bring it to parties to play one song" is referenced. It is my personal headcanon that that guy is playing wonderwall. 14. my cat is currently trying to attack my butterflies hold on 15. When pastabilities opens, the gang will all get a delicious meal there, and it will be revealed that pastabilities has a local music night every tuesday, and as a result, Mae and Gregg convince bea and angus to finally play out, and they go to pastabilities to perform their first ever (mini) (unnoficial) (local) concert.

[daenystheedreamer]

idk if i should send this as like an ask or a message but the latest omeagorverse post is so delicious and wonderful omg. LOVE WINS! like the detail of the subtle violence of viserys three births really caught my eye. having to have three c- sections to have his children is such a small but important detail to me. did maegor stop making him have children after three because he wasn't producing any more boys or because his body couldn't take being cut open again? and also like I love the surprising detail of Viserys having the autonomy to name his children and naming babyjay after his brother idk I don't want to misinterpret anything but to me that is surprising for maegor to do or allow (like I would've thought he would name his kids all maegor maenor visenya2) just very interesting that he still chooses to honor his family and history in his own fucked up way. like sorry your brother jae is dead :/ you can name our baby after him tho! thanks for the hier ;)

any and all scraps and morsels that you give on this AU are always beyond fabulous!!!

MWAH hello bestie from my puter always lovely to hear from you heartiest apologies for letting you languish in my inbox for honestly probably weeks i dont have a concept of time 😭 answers below <3

c-sections in history are always so visceral i love them 🫶 alyssa velaryon murdered by rogar i LOVED that i loved adapting that to viserys/aemma. childbirth is such a violent act in westeros it really comes across as gendered domestic violence at times, the way it is simply expected for women to destroy their bodies/die in the process of producing an heir for their husband who doesnt daf about them beyond their ability to do this, and then the dismissiveness that men will consider this with. like how tywin is so uncaring about how he has set this up for cersei's life. and c-section is such a fun horror when u dont have epidurals lol so i jst HAD to do c-section<3 plus i didnt want to think about the mpreg reproductive system lol

there's a certain horror too with how close births are in westeros. it's mostly a plot thing but having children every year without modern medicine is so evil... jae/viserra/daenys are all born within a five-year timeline starting from when vis is 15(sorry baby<3) years 44, 47, and 48. i think maegor did try to have more after that but a combo of fate/destiny/dragon has three heads/destroying vis' body it ended after that and maeg was like well if one dies there's two more. plus i think while he would value a son>daughter for Society reasons he respects viserra more than jae cos power>social norms. so he's ultimately fine with the three heirs he has, though he def enjoys tormenting vis with the thought of having to go through another birth ^_^ also i figure after the double whammy 2 daughters in 2 years rhaena is like Put your dick away or i chop it off.

and yee vis picks the names mostly<3 i think he doesnt ask maegor for ANYTHING cos no doubt maegor will use it to fuck with him but when he has a son he's like please please please can i name him after jaehaerys. plus it'll be comnfusing if there's two viseryses. i think maegor would want to name his son aegon as a power play (after his father + to spit on aegon the uncrowned's grave) but he's like damn u actually asked something of me instead of pissing yourself and crying, Ight fine but the next one has to be named after visenya. which makes viserys go a little crazy cos if there's one thing he knows the gods will love its a maegor kid named VISENYA. they compromise on viserra (aww<3 normal marriage!). then its daughter #2 and maegor's like yeah idgaf anymore. if it was a boy he'd name it aegon but its a stupid girl so he's like god idk name is aegelle for all i care. so vis picks daenys after the dreamer.

oo and whenever vis snaps and gets pissy about maegor treating him like horseshit maegor is like well i let you name the kids didnt i. arent you grateful for that lmao i let you name my HEIR. i give you everything... and vis is like sigh might kill myself about this. and it's all part of maegor's grand Make Viserys Insane plan that he's not even doing consciously he just thinks its funny that viserys cries for months after giving birth to jaehaerys cos lol YOU chose to name him after your dead brother! i said aegon YOU chose jae!

canon maegor was really focused on having an heir cos it was like the one masculine ideal he couldnt achieve but i feel like once he's had the kid he doesn't care about them beyond that. his parenting strategy is that kids should just be swole from birth and if they arent that's their problem its not his job to raise them. as The Mother it is viserys' job to raise the kids into mini maegors/visenyas and if the kids dont turn out that way it is viserys' fault.

anyway ily 🫶 hope that was an okay answer<3 im honestly considering making a seperate sideblog for this content cos its so embarrassing 😭

[director-yomi-hellsmile]

anyway fuck misophonia i can't do anything in this house apparently. considering murder whenever anybody drinks a bit too loud. i cannot eat in the same room as other people, i always just eat dinner on a desk in my room with the door closed and that's fine by me actually, when thats not an option and i don't really have anywhere else to hide I go to the bathroom until the Sound stops. Sometimes I just want to eat something however somebody else also does and all the rooms are taken so I gotta put down my damn sandwich somewhere and go to the bathroom again and sit there for 10 minutes until they finish so I can eat my damn sandwich. It doesn't matter whether I was first actually or anything, whenever someone else wants to eat there it doesn't matter that I'm here I always need to leave and wait until they're done so I can resume eating my Damn Sandwich. I just wanted to eat my Damn Sandwich can't you wait a bit. Also my brother has vocal tics that also set it off which isn't his fault or anything it just greatly increases the number of rooms I need to immediately leave and go Hide In The Bathroom Until He Goes Somewhere Else. However there is also great malice in his heart and he has noticed which sounds make me start screaming in pain so often he comes up to me and starts making them on purpose to have a laugh because me being upset is Funny. So I don't even have an idea whether he's actually ticcing at the time or trying to subtly tell me to get out and if its the latter then it's working because I will indeed obediently leave the room and go Hide In The Bathroom Or Perhaps Another Room If The Lord Is Generous And It Is Not Currently Taken. Sometimes I'm having a great time on my puter doing fuck all then my mom decides she wants a snack and I need to leave my seat immediately and go Hide In The Bathroom until she finishes. Restaurants have great food but they're also so so evil. Earplugs are my best friend they make my ears hurt and bleed sometimes. Also the neighbors are drilling. And you wonder why I'm evil and fucked up

[seenashwrite]

14.07 Round-Up

Hey, good ep! And my cursory research into that *ahem* who was name-dropped right around the time we got a glimpse of what appears to be dollar bin Terminator hath yielded a most interesting factoid and visual aid. Read on!

Where my brain went, bullet style.... well that sounded somewhat violent.... oh, you know what I mean... it’s basically what I would’ve live-blogged

mood lighting in the priest’s office, how romantic

that’s a helluva gastric ulcer along with the consumption

*sigh* you don’t get an MRI and noggin’ monitorin’ along with a work-up for G.I. and/or respiratory symptoms, just in case any of y’all ever come down with the consumption ulcers and hesitate getting it checked out; they’ll do a CT, it’s no biggie, it’s fine, EVERYTHING’S FINE #VACCINATE YOUR NEPHILIM

hammered at The Ox Lodge, eh? Boy, if I had a dime for every time I’ve uttered that same phrase... hey, good on ya, Nicky, for resisting the urge to 86 another of your only leads

hey, Dean, can you talk about ghouls and vamps a little louder, I don’t think they heard you over in the next unit clearly enough

yes, Sam, tests, that’s how it works

hey so was that Pixel commercial national? did everyone get to experience that divine hilarity? FLASH! AH-AHHHHHHH! I digress

yes, Dean, tests, that’s how it works

I love those drag queen fake lashes they always have on Ruthie

do some Castiel dialysis! [seconds later] damn, I’m good

do some Dean dialysis! [seconds later] damn, I’m.... well I dunno what, sounds like he’s getting some angel radio reverb... that needs some analysis...

yes, random person, turn your back on a complete stranger in a dark alley... I hope she’s a vamp... that would’ve been an AWESOME scene.... show Nick’s still got the Luci Juice... why am I not on this writing staff

ah, a Ketch mention... DHJ continues to elude me on the Christmas movie front, though I *did* catch (heh... ketch) one of the two I’m gunning for the other night, more on that later... I also made a Cheesy Christmas Movie bingo card I’ll post at some point once I get it typed up.... I’ve digressed again

so he’s never driven before and his first shot’s at the Impala? I mean, I get the “awwwwww” factor, but ‘cmon, now

oh goooooood song choice

“No. It’s not.” ----> BWAH-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHA

Dean’s a great big brother

see, THIS is the ep they should’ve had the grandparent visit happen in, I’d have found that more of impact, him trusting Dean enough to tell him he’d looked up Kelly’s parents and ask him to take him to their house and then Dean trust him enough to go in there alone and not spill any beans, I’d have liked it infinitely better here vs. the fishing randomness

halftime

straight talk: I’m cool if they let Jack die... I like the kid (and the actor) I just don’t see much story there at this point

welp, glad Sergei the Shaman was but a hop-skip away

Cas sitting on that puffy just made me snort-giggle

I *really* like this character, which probably means he’ll eat it in the not-so-distant future

oooooh.... THE PLOT THICKENS... sort-of.... this Michael arc’s stagnating and I’m about to “I Don’t Care Anymore” level

you know what all this goose chase is gonna come down to, that it’s a deeeeeeemon, Nicky ---> god I’m good

 Abraxas, eh? now that I’m at ‘puter, TO THE GOOGLE

Abraxas is a term used by the Basilideans, a Gnostic sect of the second century, designating the Supreme Being or god whom they worshiped. They believed that Jesus Christ emanated from Abraxas and was a phantom while here on earth. They believed the name contained great mysteries because it contained the seven Greek letters when computed numerically equaled the number 365, which is the number of days in the year. It was further believed that Abraxas commanded 365 gods, each possessing a virtue, so there was a virtue for each day of the year.

Basilides used the voice Abraxas as a name of divinity; He said that he was the supreme deity among the seven principal ones, and that he was endowed with 365 virtues. This was something symbolic and has to do with the Greek numeration: a = 1, b = 2, r = 100, a = 1, x = 60, a = 1, s = 200, TOTAL 365. That is, the sum of the numerical values that they attributed to each letter of the word Abraxas forms a total of 365, which corresponded to the 365 days of the solar year, or what is equal a cycle of “divine action”, the set of the 365 successive manifestations attributed to God in one year.

It was believed that Abraxas was the name of a god who represented Good and Evil, a god and deity worshiped and a feared demon in a single entity. He was considered the oldest of the gods

However, older mythologists place Abraxas among the Egyptian gods, while some demonologists cite him to be a demon with the head of a king and serpents forming his feet. He has been represented on amulets with a whip in his hand. The mystic word abracadabra was derived from his name.

But fuck all that, ‘cause:

Symbology: The meaning of the double snake tail that forms the legs of the solar cock of the Abraxas. One is the ascending serpent, the copper serpent of Moses, the other is the descending serpent.

Abracadabra, bitches. #solarcock 

I can only dream that he’ll be sporting a fedora along with the whip.

dammit, writers, that was prime hand-chopping opportunity right there, c’mon, let practical effects get their shitty rocks off

that big ass scroll for like four lines of Latin or whatever the hell?

if Chuck shows up Imma shart

ohhhh I get it.... I also can’t wait for these gifs of the ooze... minus that last bit, why they insist on dayglo neon on high def instead of a nice creepy fade-in is just *beyond* me... 

but I did want some more Empty / Entity action, so fine, I’ll take it

Okay, well, good ep, and-------

[preview plays]

IS THAT MY BITCH???? IS MY BITCH BACK IN TOWN??? AND DO I DETECT SOME HAIR COLOR MORE IN THE ELLE DRIVER LANE?

Oh, Lily. J’adore.

[astronautdaily]

1 Februari 2020

Aku cuma mikir senua ini ga akan bener, untuk sekarang ataupun kedepannya. Aku bener bener ingin memutuskan hubungan, tp banyak pertimbangan yg ada dipikiranku. He may do self harming, dia bisa kejar aku kemanapun aku pergi. I have no safe place kecuali rumah, tapi bagaimana 5/7 aku diluar rumah, yang mana dia bisa ngejar aku kemana pun. He even quit his job dan dia sekarang kerja di dekatku.

Kita, terlihat biasa aja diluar, entah mungkin dia memang biasa saja, tapi aku selalu merasa terpaksa berdiri didepannya.

Dia baik, sangat baik, he gives me everything i need. But i couldnt find my home.

He totally fucked up when he got angry, benar benar diluar kendali, he always say cruel things to me. Kita memang teman dulunya, apa hal itu masih bisa ditolerir saat kita akan menghabiskan hidup bersama?

dia bisa ngelakuin apapun yg dia mau, sedangkan aku dipenjara olehnya. Dan benar benar diluar akal sehat.

We talked, kaya biasanya, ngobrol kaya biasa, dia cerita semau dia entah itu ttg cewe, atau apapun. Yg mana aku aja sangat dilarang untuk itu. And in the end, aku bilang bahwa aku takut kalau nerusin sama dia, aku akan ketemu dengan keluarganya yg sama sama pemarah, dan dia pun. Trs dia marah dan dia langsubg pergi gitu aja. Aku ke musholla solat, aku berusaha nenangin diri, aku udah mikir, yaudah udh gapapa. Lebih baik gini.

Tbtb dia nelfon sambil nanya dimana debgan nada tinggi. Dia chat aku dan lagi, he says another cruel and slang word to me. I said "solat dulu yu" aku solat, di setiap solat aku cuma berharap ingin dipisahkan dengan cara dia menemukan orang lain. aku tau pasti bakal galau di awal, tp aku udah bener bener buletin tekad. Saat aku keluar, dia ada disitu. Ngajak pulang, aku bilang gausah, aku jalan dan dia malah klakson berkali kali, what should i do then? Eveyone is looking at me. Dan akhirnya aku naik tanpa pake helm, dan dia gabawa aku ke arah pulang. Dia ngebut parah ke arah menuju luar kota, aku gemeteran, takut dan dingin jadi satu, i cant even feel my legs, mereka gemetaran tiada henti. I was thinking maybe i should jump, but i was too scared. I just want to get an accident and lock myself from worklife and mylife, tapi gimana kalau kebablasan?. Dia tau aku gemeteran, dia puter arah balik dan nyuruh aku pake helm. dia tanya kenapa dengan nada tinggi. Dan akhirnya, dekat rumah, dia berhenti dan trying to cool down my legs, im crying, i said "gatau ini kenapa". Padahal aku tau, i was afraid and feeling cold. Damn cold. Terus dia anter aku pulang.

Maybe i got fever, also my head hurts right now.

Im in my sister's bedroom. She say "kenapa nangis cik cerita" "kapan atuh putus teh?". Padahal aku ga nangis, dia cuma becanda. Dan aku bilsng "udah berkali kali tp gabisa." "Kayanya butuh berhenti kerja trus diem dulu di rumah". Tp gaada balasan apapun. Yah memang, perkataan itu terlalu nonsense untuk diucapkan di depan keluarga sendiri.

And i was like bener bener gaada tempat cerita, aku bener bener butuh stranger dan aku ceritain semuanya masalah aku. Karna aku tau, aku bener bener gabisa cerita masalahku baik itu teman, maupun keluarga.

[pharmacyfollies]

Fun In The Pharmacy: Pharmacy Follies

I’m telling you, the party never stops at that shitter of a pharmacy!! Enjoy!!

-Idiot drops off a prescription for Norco 10/325mg. I noticed that he received a prescription for a 30 day supply of Norco 7.5/325mg from a different doctor 10 days earlier at a different pharmacy. Here's where the fun begins....

Me: "We're going to have to contact this doctor because you got a similar medication filled at a different pharmacy."

Idiot: "I took all of that medication. I have no more."

Me: "No problem, we just have to verify with this doctor that he's aware of the prior script and if he says it's ok, we can fill it."

I hand the script to B, she calls the office, they took a message and said they'd call us back. At this point, Idiot's mommy is at my counter....

Idiot's Mommy: "What's going on with my sons prescription? He really needs his medication! It's for pain!"

Me: "I know what it's for. Being that he received a 30 day supply from a different doctor 10 days ago, we have to verify with this doctor that he's aware of that and get the ok to release this one."

IM: "He's aware of it and he's ok with it."

Me: "We have to hear that from him."

IM: "Let me show you something."

And she starts whipping out some x-rays.

IM: "Look at these. As you can see, he really needs the medication."

Me: "I'm not an x-ray tech so there's no need to show me those. I wouldn't know what I'm looking at. We called the doctor, left a message and they said they'd call us back."

IM: "I'm going to call the doctor."

She gets on the phone with the doctor's office and then tries to hand me her phone.

Me: "I can't talk on a cell phone. Have the doctor's office call us."

About 30 minutes pass and still no word from the doctor's office. Idiot comes to the counter and proceeds to have a shit fit...

Idiot: "What is going on with my prescription?! I've been waiting for 2 hours!"

Me: "The problem is we're waiting for the doctor to call back to see if he's ok with us filling the script."

Idiot: "I need to speak to the manager!"

So B comes out there and tries to explain it to him....

B: "You picked up a 30 day supply of a similar medication 10 days ago."

Idiot: "I don't have any more!"

B: "I understand that. However, because a different doctor wrote it, I have to verify with this doctor that he's aware of the other prescription and make sure it's ok for me to fill this one."

Idiot: "The other one shouldn't even matter! I was filled in May!"

B: "It matters because it was written by a different doctor and according to those directions, you should still have some left."

Idiot: "But it's June! The prescription in May shouldn't even matter!"

Mind you, this occurred on the first week of June and he's acting like May was 6 months ago.

B: "Regardless, I still have to speak to this doctor because it is a controlled substance."

Idiot: "I told you, I don't have any more! Do you want me to go to the bathroom and poop them out!"

B: "Here's your prescription back. You can go somewhere else."

Idiot: "I will! I'm going to go to a real pharmacy!!"

And he stomped off. Lord have mercy.

-Nothing cracks my shit up more than when someone "threatens" to take their prescriptions somewhere else. Quite honestly, I don't give a fuck where fill your prescriptions. I don't get paid on commission. So regardless if you fill here or somewhere else, I still get paid. In fact, if you go somewhere else, that's less work for me to do and more than likely, less drama to deal with because 99% of the time, when people say they ALWAYS have problems with us, the problem is THEM. Asshole comes through the drive-thru and begins to inform me....

Asshole: "I just want you to know that I'm transferring ALL of my prescriptions out of here. Every time I come here, I have NOTHING but problems. You can NEVER fill my Oxycontin when I want it, you charge WAY too much money for my prescriptions and NO ONE knows what they're doing back there!"

Me: "Ok. So what do you want me to do?"

Asshole: "NOTHING!!"

And he drove off. Hey, whatever tickles his taint. But you can imagine my surprise, a few days later, when I noticed 10 scripts in the bin for him. I wanted to be sure that they weren't on auto refill so I look in the puter and see these were new scripts that were turned in. Well, fuck me gently with an upside down telephone pole, guess who pulls up in the drive-thru? Here's where the fun begins....

Asshole: "I'm picking up for Asshole."

Me: "You're back again? Nice to see you!"

If hard looks could kill, I'd be dead. ROFLMAO!!! There's one thing that I learned about these jokers and that's they ALWAYS come back. Sometimes in the same fucking day. Sweet Jesus Almighty.

Fucktard comes to the counter, shows me his phone and asks...

Fucktard: "What do I need refilled?"

I'm looking at the screen and it's a text message from our auto refill service informing him that he has a refill of a medication due and to click on the link to refill it. Mind you, the text does NOT give the name of the medication. Here's where the fun begins....

Me: "I don't know what you need refilled. What do you need?"

Fucktard: "Well, what does it say?"

Me: "It says you're due for a refill and to click on the link to refill it."

Fucktard: "So what do I need?"

Me: "I don't know."

Fucktard: "Why is it everyone else back there can tell me what I need?"

Me: "I highly doubt anyone can look at that vague message and know exactly what needs to be refilled."

Fucktard: "Well they do!"

Me: "Ok. I don't. So what do you need a refill on?"

Fucktard: "I don't know what I need!"

Me: "Did you try clicking on the link to see what the name of the medication is?"

Fucktard: "No! I came here. I don't know why you can't tell me! You always give me problems!"

At that point, I was done....

Me: "You have a good day."

And walked away. I guess I better work on my psychic abilities.

-I don't know what the hell has been going on this last week but it was the Week of Sick Vagina's. Damn near every other script we were filling was for Diflucan and Flagyl. What the hell is going on with the vagina's in the suburb I work in?! I'm just waiting for all the dude's to come into the pharmacy asking what they can put on their thing thing's because it's itchy and don't look right. Jaysus.

-So the other day, I see Fucktard headed to the pharmacy. Because I have added him to the list of people I refuse to take care of, I tell him.....

Me: "Someone will be right with you."

C comes out to take care of him and I went to grab the drive-thru. As soon as I'm done taking care of the drive, C tells me...

C: "Get this shit. Fucktard thinks the reason you didn't want to help him is because you're mad that you pay for his medicine."

Me: "Hey, whatever makes him feel like a real man."

The reality is, I never had a problem with the guy. For him to say that I always give him a hard time was news to me. But since he brought it up, he's been on Medicaid longer than I've been working there and I've been slinging pills to pay the bills going on 17 years. I find it questionable at best that he's unable to find employment, especially a job that offers benefits, after all this time. However, if he really feels that's the reason why I give him a hard time then perhaps he shouldn't bite the hand that pays for his medicine. Gesu Bambino.

-And if you all think we have it bad in the pharmacy, be grateful that you aren't this poor bastard.

BEFORE, you click on this, it's meant for those who are 18 and over. Do NOT watch with little ones around and you're UNDER 18, do NOT watch!!

If anyone ignores that disclaimer, you did so at your own risk. I'm not here to babysit anyone as this page is geared towards grown folks. And if you die laughing, I'm not responsible for that shit either, lol.

[dankblogstho]

Week 2 day 4 of isolation-Thursday, march 26, 2020

Sorry I skipped a day. Its hard to get on the ‘puter’ when my dad is smoking where I normally use it. I wish he would smoke outside. The fresh air would be good for both of us. According to my calendar, Baseball season was supposed to start today. While the first game would’ve been on April 30th, I’m still very disappointed. I was going to see it with Leo.

Last night I cried myself to sleep. I was so, so sad. I was still very sad this morning. I tried to go back to sleep this morning but I wasn’t tired enough. I loaded up animal crossing, turned off my nookphone and listened to the radio in my house for about an hour. I knew I had to talk to my girlfriend but, I don’t want to bum her out. I feel really inadequate. Like, I’m not masculine enough for her. Like, she’d have to kill the spiders y’know? I really don’t deserve her and I feel kinda awful. Maybe I’m just really emotional from the hormones. I’m still really behind on schoolwork, too. I really am not good with online courses. Sometimes I feel like I should just crawl in bed and never crawl out again. I don’t like how Winter always babies me when I’m sad and insecure. Like, sure, I appreciate her being a sweetie but, the way she does it is pretty imasculating. I don’t wanna be that guy who is afraid of intimacy because he thinks its emasculating but damn. And to top it off she always calls me androgynous. I don’t wanna be in-between, I wanna be masculine. I’ve been at this for fucking years, its not a compliment! Speaking of being trans, Griffin McElroy just said Trans Rights on the stream re-run im watching. So that’s cool.

I’m having really bad cramps right now. My phone is on the other side of the couch right now, because I don’t want to be babied for having cramps. I did speak to her about it and she was understanding as usual but still she slips into it. I’m… frustrated with her…. Just a bit… yikes. Maybe the Isolation is getting to us.

Does ignoring it really help anything? Maybe distancing myself from her so she won’t get the chance to break up with me is a BAD IDEA???? Didn’t work for her ex-girlfriend, that’s for sure….

I think I’ll be crawling back in bed after this log. I don’t feel well. Hm, I think that’s all for now.