#HE WAS FINE AND ACTING HIS AGE PRIOR TO THE INTRODUCTION OF THE LOVE STORY

[icomehereforthefics]

Something is seriously wrong with it if you need your MMC to act like a fucking child instead of his age just so the romance can make sense/feel less icky

[shintorikhazumi]

I Have Two Sisters?! Chapter 2: The Eldest Sister, The Younger Sister, and The Youngest

A/N: This chapter is more on Diana and Claudine’s lives and backgrounds. I feel like most of the initial chap plans I have are. Weiss gets her background turn soon tho. She still has some thoughts from her point of view. Some observations. It’s kinda different for her since she’s actually been around Jacques as opposed to Claudine and Diana who have been away from the dude, practically not knowing him at all. Maybe around chapter 4-ish. Rubes, Akko, and Maya come in the next chapter, so I hope you all can hold out until then, haha.

I personally love this concept so much! Like really! I keep writing out plot lines and paragraphs ahead. This is clearly a self-indulgent fic, I apologize.

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

 I Have Two Sisters?! Chapter 2: The Eldest Sister, The Younger Sister, and The Youngest

For how shitty he was as a father- and a person in general, Jacques Schnee sure had the devil’s luck. It made perfect sense as he was basically a demon at this point with all that he’s probably done, both known and hidden from the light.

How could someone acquire so much fortune? Riches, intelligence and cunning brought about by his insane amounts of greed, looks (Weiss gagged so hard thinking about it, though it was relatively true), charm that deceived women… or deceit masked as charm? Anyway. He had it all.

Plus, he had three gorgeous daughters to boot.

Had he exchanged his soul for this amount of good karma?

Well, it didn’t matter.

If the angel of death wanted nothing to do with him, then it probably wouldn’t mind if three angel-looking ladies took care of the job instead… right?

They were certainly angry enough to kill.

Or at least Weiss was.

Weiss had been brandishing her sword for the better half of the last two hours as she remained seated on the couch next to an equally fuming Claudine, exchanging opinions about their insufferable… sperm donor, or whatever.

Diana lay peacefully unaware, head on the golden-blonde’s lap, still unconscious since fainting at their front door. The other two…sisters- gosh, it was so weird thinking about it- didn’t quite know what to do with her, so they simply moved her over so she could rest more comfortably.

At first, they had planned on moving to the kitchen area to talk things out, and leave their other sibling to the peace of a quiet room, however, as if sensing the lack of presence, Diana had begun to toss and turn restlessly, hands and arms seeking out something. Upon grasping the edge of Claudine’s shirt, it seemed as though she had no plans of letting go, and thus, they ended up in the position they were in now, all squeezing together on their decently-sized couch.

“-And so, he told me I wasn’t old enough to live on my own, and I was wondering what he meant, because I am most certainly over eighteen! And then he implied something about Japan and that-! That was how I found out about being sent here and… we’re here now.” Weiss had just finished telling her side of this ridiculous story, pissed off being an understatement as to how she felt.

She didn’t want to be a criminal, but Jacques Schnee had a neck that just looked so perfect to slice in half.

Claudine would have laughed at how red Weiss’ face had become, but she refrained, breathing in, readying the words to her own tale. They had broached the topic of how they got here while talking about the house and their first meeting, and so they backtracked a bit to their own backgrounds and history prior to their father’s decision of sending them all to this place in Japan.

“I used to study here, actually. It’s only been a little over two years since I left.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. I studied at a music and arts academy and mainly dabbled in theatre.”

“You say, “dabbled”, but I wonder if it’s really just that.” Weiss chuckled, secretly studying her companion’s features. Something in the back of her mind told her that the name, ‘Claudine’ was one she’d heard of before, especially since it had involved music. But maybe she could look into it later. “Sorry, go on.” Weiss encouraged after realizing she had interrupted her sister’s story.

“I was offered a chance at an exchange program in the school that basically “made” my mother’s previous career. It was in Paris and…” Claudine looked like she had loved and regretted at the same time every inch of that experience.

“I get it.” Weiss whispered, not meeting the actress’ gaze. “The biggest opportunity of your life. It could change everything.” Weiss turned back to meet rose-red eyes in understanding. “But that change isn’t always the best.” Claudine nodded. “It’s kind of like that meme, the one that goes ‘but at what cost’.” They shared a light laugh at that, but it seemed as though their chatter was enough to rouse the bundle of British girl on Claudine’s lap.

“Hrrngghnmm… where…?” Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands, Diana blinked slowly, rising up to sit on the couch properly. She took in her surroundings, the unfamiliar interior, and the two people she could barely remember. She would have panicked and created as much distance between herself and the strangers, thinking she might have been kidnapped, but it was like she didn’t even have enough energy for that.

“Good morning to you as well.” Claudine jested, patting stray tufts of curly hair into place. “I hope you slept well, because we have a lot to talk about.”

Diana was still in the middle of processing everything in her drowsy state, so she could only nod in minimal understanding.

“Great. So Diana,” Weiss stole her attention.

“How did you-“

“Well, as you failed to introduce yourself to us right before fainting,” Diana visibly winced, and Claudine had chided Weiss on being a bit mean. The white-haired heiress rolled her eyes, but apologized anyway before continuing. “-we took the liberty of checking your pockets for any identification. Don’t worry, we didn’t take anything, and we didn’t snoop around important things that weren’t your ID. Rest assured. At least we respect privacy… unlike certain assholes…” She whispered the last part to herself.

A nod.

“Good, so. Now that introductions are out of the way,” Weiss stood up in front of the pair, hands on her hips. “It’s now time for some very important questions.”

“…such as?” Diana required some elaboration.

“Such as… whatever this thing is.” She stated, spinning her finger about in the air, gesturing to the three of them. “Between us.”

“But I thought…” Diana trailed off, instinctively looking to Claudine for support. The latter got the message.

“Aren’t we siblings? Sisters? Well… half-sisters, but,” she scratched the back of her head, feeling a little shy. “Sisters nonetheless.” Diana nodded in agreement, feeling a little warm deep down.

“Fine. So we’re sisters.” Weiss crossed her arms over her chest. “But there are certain things we have to agree on. After all, we don’t even know each other. Like, at all. How do we know who’s in charge in this house? Money concerns, I’m sure we all have individual banks and means. But things like property and document processes, who gives the rules and all that jazz… Or do we all just go on with our lives, each to their own.” She finished, awaiting the pair’s reply.

“I-…” Diana found herself lost for words once more. She couldn’t admit that she actually fancied the idea of having two new sisters, having wanted a family because she never really had one apart from her mother who had already long since passed. After that event, she had always been alone. She had been an only child, after all. She had always wondered what it would have been like had she had siblings, like her twin cousins. Her mother never married again, nor did she have the chance to as fate was so cruel. She was Diana’s only memory of family, along with a few of their servants who were loyal to them to the core.

But really, it was different when it was family that shared the same blood in their veins. Though quite a number would argue that some friends stuck closer than brothers, there were still instances where blood would prove to be thicker than water.

Even if it was diluted by half-built relationships.

Claudine noticed her distress. It was as though she always did. Placing a hand over Diana’s, she squeezed comfortingly before turning to Weiss.

“After speaking with you earlier, I’m sure we all need family of some sort. I don’t mind acting-“ Claudine caught herself, proceeding to shake her head. “-No, being sisters with you both. I think I’d actually like it. I’ve never had siblings as I was an only child. But then I did stay in a dorm in high school, and being around same-aged peers was truly a beneficial experience, living alongside people I grew to know and trust.”

Diana gave her a relieved smile, and the French responded in kind.

“I believe we could be the same if we tried.”

Weiss sighed, but she was smiling deep down. She had an older sister back home, and a younger brother as well, though they weren’t as close as she was with the eldest. Still, she knew they were all just struggling in their father’s grasp, forced to obey his whims. The two older sisters had managed to wriggle out one way or another, but Weiss sometimes regretted not helping Whitley be able to do the same. Maybe one day, she could introduce him to two sisters who looked like they had so much care and experience to share. Maybe they could all be a family together. Even if they all just consisted of siblings.

“I suppose I can be the eldest then.” It was neither proposition nor suggestion. Weiss was attempting to establish it as fact.

“Why you?” Claudine questioned with a brow raised.

Diana didn’t care who was in charge, she was happy enough to feel the inclusion in a family.

“Well, seeing as I’m the legitimate child here-“ It was like everything froze. There was a cut of silence in the air, kind of like those disc scratches you would hear often in videos when someone made a mistake, or a fumble and everyone realized. Yes, Weiss had suddenly realized what she had just said, and immediately regretted it.

And her string of apologies ensued.

“I’m… I’m so sorry. Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Her eyes were panicked, flickering quickly between Diana and Claudine’s shocked ones, a bit too shaken to come up with a comment or response. “I’m so sorry. I really am. I apologize. I deeply apologize.” Weiss throat ran dry, it was like she was choking. Tears pricked at the edges of her eyes in her state of adrenaline with all the heightened emotions she had endured throughout the day.

She knew she had just crossed a horrible, horrible line. She bowed before them deeply, a perfect ninety degrees, not knowing what to do to salvage this situation. She didn’t know much of Diana’s story, but from what she’d gotten from Claudine’s side, as well as observing Diana through their interactions, she was fairly sure that they had been through so many bad things.

So many.

“I’m so sorry. Di-Diana… Claudine, I’m… I’m sorry.” She coughed out. “I can’t believe it… I’m just like… I’m just like that man.” She felt a tear slip out of her eyes, but before more could, a handkerchief was held out to her by a hand that slightly tremored.

“No. You’re not. You’re not like him.” Claudine was someone who was quite good at comforting others, Diana and Weiss realized. “We all aren’t.” All this time since they met, she had been the one to offer it. They had to be sure to thank her and express their appreciation later. They had all the time to. “We’ll do our best to reject his blood that runs through our veins.” She said with a conviction that the two could only agree to. But there was just something about that last bit,

“Pfft-“ Diana ended up cracking first. “I don’t think that’s possible,” She looked to Claudine, mirth in her gaze, something different from the clouds that had shrouded them this whole time. “but… we can at least deny his existence, if you’d like.”

The two blinked, Diana saying her first complete sentence, smooth sentence catching them unaware. It only took them a second to adjust to it however as they giggled along.

“Oh, I’d definitely like that.”

 //-//-//-//-//

 They ended up deciding who would be the “eldest” by asking each other’s ages and birthdates, something they should have done earlier, they now realized, sharing another laugh at their silliness.

They were all currently nineteen years of age, and about to enter their first year of university. At this revelation, they wondered why it was that their ages were so close to one another, particularly Diana and Weiss.

While the former was born in April, the latter’s birthday landed on the fifteenth of May. Claudine had the slightest gap from them, being born a few months later in august.

They tried to reason it out, Weiss trying to share bits and pieces of information she had uncovered after snooping around in her father’s office, as well as things she had heard during her mother’s many lamentations.

Over dinner, their talk led them to the deduction that on the particular year when they had been conceived, Jacques Schnee had a world-wide business operation going on, travelling from place to place constantly, checking on his various corporation branches almost monthly, staying for days to weeks on end in some countries.

Through the magical powers of the internet, they were able to dig up hidden articles that spoke of their biological parent’s notoriety for sleeping around in the many places he visited, and by the universe’s cruel plot, got the other two mothers pregnant around the time his wife was. Weiss had probably been conceived when he came back home from his visit to England which might explain why Diana was now the eldest.

“We should have him castrated.” Weiss proposed, and the other two only laughed nervously, knowing she was dead serious.

Despite this infuriating truth, they were somehow thankful that it allowed them to find each other. It was a mutual feeling that they believed they’d get along nicely.

Their dinner ended with them cleaning up the dishes and kitchen together before wishing one another a goodnight, separating into their individual rooms to unpack and get cleaned up to catch their repose from this stressful day.

Diana had finished quickly, now fresh from a warm bath and changed into comfortable sleeping attire. She fell onto the soft mattress that was a little too big for her taste. It was like the one back at home. Simply large and comfortable, but never comforting. Always so cold because Diana could never warm it all up. Or maybe that was just in her heart.

The peaceful rest she had wanted to attain did not come to her. Instead, she was plagued with nightmares of abuse. The abuse she had had to sustain while in the Cavendish manor, while in the branch house, everywhere that had the family’s eyes on her.

Cold blue eyes, freezing, burning. Yells and screams, screeches, insults, the pressured gazes, the false smiles of the peers and fans that surrounded her. The scrutiny and judgment. The rumors.

The emotional pains, the mental torture, the spiritual crushing, the social stress…

The whip that beat down on her legs, on her back, on her arms, and on her face at time.

And then-

Diana screamed.

In agony, in pain. A deep red gash on her hand never ceased in its bleeding. Her nerves stung, her eyes did too. The pain was searing, she couldn’t take it, it hurt so much. Her hands shook, they quivered, her body wretched and writhed, but still that unforgiving hand still raised the bloody tool for one more-

“I BEG YOU, PLEASE STOP-!”

“DIANA!” Claudine and Weiss had barged through the door, having heard the tormented cries of their housemate and had made a mad dash for her room.

“Diana?! Are you okay?” The said girl remained writhing, needily gasping for air. Claudine attempted to shake her awake. “Diana! Wake up!”

Eyelids flew open, revealing pained ceruleans, hazy from the dream and unfocused. Diana continued her sobbing, but now quieter as she slowly ran out of tears. Her sisters waited for her, understood that she was unable to speak, possibly for moments, possibly for the entire night.

They tried to get her back into bed, hoping she could get more rest at the very least. She must have been exhausted with whatever war she had in her dreams.

But Diana didn’t want to go back to sleep, clinging onto Claudine strongly. To her, it felt as though she was walking right back into the lion’s den, returning to torture’s waiting arms; but Claudine’s arms, she much more preferred. It felt of a motherly presence. When she realized this, Diana felt the embarrassment sinking in at the knowledge that Claudine was the youngest sister and she was the eldest.

And yet, here they are.

Still, she didn’t like being in the bed, she didn’t like how unfamiliar it was.

The girls agreed to move to the living room. While Claudine layed out a few extra foams and blankets for them to settle down into, Weiss prepared some warm, tea to help calm Diana down.

She wasn’t as good at Claudine when it came to dealing with people’s anxieties, Weiss admitted. But she wasn’t bad at it. So, offering Diana a cup gently, she tried to reassure her with a smile and a soft tone.

“It’s p-peppermint.” Damn stutters.

They sat in front of one another on a pile of warm blankets, no words, just the sounds of sipping and blowing of tea.

Claudine was fine with backrubs and handholds, and the like. But anything more than that felt like crossing a line, especially with strangers. Even if those strangers happened to be your family. Huh. This is what it was like to have awkward moments of being a family with strangers. She thought it was such a rare thing, usually portrayed only in books and television or in the plays she did.

But now it she was literally living that odd trope.

Huh.

And the silence continued. And continued. And continued… and still would have painfully continued, if Weiss could take the atmosphere still.

She couldn’t.

So what better way to break the ice than to talk about their horrible shared father?

“Ahh… My dad lied to me about a lot of things.” She began, stretching her arms up into the air, hand still holding her empty cup. That caught her siblings’ attention as they were taken into another conversation. “This place too. He said he had gotten me an apartment. I thought he was being pretty considerate to give me a place to live on my own- ah, not that I dislike staying with you both I just… didn’t foresee this development.”

“I doubt any of us did.” Claudine followed-up.

“This house… even if it’s smaller than the mansion where I grew up… It’s kinda big for just three girls, huh.” Weiss murmured, suddenly feeling the urge to apologize at mentioning wealth when she hadn’t a clue of the living situations her “sisters” had had to endure before this point.

They shook their heads, as if they read her thoughts, knowing.

Diana began murmuring coldly. “My mother’s family is very well-known.” Her younger sisters perked up at this, finally having the chance to hear the eldest’s background pre-incident. “We… were kicked out of the main house in England after, well… after me.” She hung her head low, as if she were shaed of her own existence. And she very likely was.

Diana jumped at the two warm touches on each of her hand, Claudine and Weiss taking one each, squeezing encouragingly.

Diana continued. “We lived in a traditional Japanese manor after moving to this country. A branch of our family used to live there, but at that time, it was unoccupied. It was fancy and large. Certainly made for the luxurious life. Though I never felt rich regardless.” The girls nodded in understanding, and Diana ended her piece.

Claudine then explained that while she understood their sentiments, she was rather satisfied with her life. She had everything she needed. Her adoptive father bought them a larger than average house, and they were a happy family together. Then she stopped.

This time, it was her who received the squeezes of comfort, Weiss now taking her free hand as they sat in this odd circle of angsty reminiscing.

“When he died, we sold the house, not solely for monetary need, but because maman couldn’t take the pain of being reminded of him.” Claudine finished. Weiss just had to comment, though.

“Maman…”

“M-mother!”

Everyone chuckled at that.

“Mothers. Fathers. Family, huh…” Diana tested the foreign words on her tongue. “I… I had my mother for a time, but after that…” She trailed off, a forlorn expression taking place on her features once more.                “I’ve never had a family.”

“…”

“If you’ve never had a family, then we’ll be you family.” Weiss, ever the breaker of silence, declared.

“We will be your sisters, your mothers, your friends, and your fathers. We will be everything for you.” Claudine added, wanting to share these feelings, just like how her mom had made her feel when it was just the two of them remaining.

Those words were too good to be true. Too kind. Too rewarding a promise. Diana searched their eyes. She searched their body languages, their words, and their souls.

She searched and found their loyalty, sincerity, and truthfulness.

And she cried.

 //-//-//-//-//

 They woke up late the following morning, opting to have some toast with jam and hot milk. An easy fix from the things they found in their already stacked cupboards. While cleaning up after a filling meal, they heard a phone go off in one of the rooms.

Identifying it as hers, Claudine goes off to retrieve it, her sisters waving her off as they continued cleaning up.

A few quiet minutes passed, and then the actress came bounding down the hall. frantic in her running about. Once she reached her worried companions, she cries a heart-wrenching sob. The two elders asked what was wrong, and when Claudine says that she had received a call from the hospital, the two are willing to accompany her with no questions asked.

They soon learn of what Claudine had been unable to tell them the day before. Her mother who had been admitted in the hospital for a while, and had been the primary reason for the actress to return to Japan, had a critical attack that morning, and upon their arrival at the hospital, she now rested unconscious.

Diana and Weiss did not know how to comfort Claudine the way she did for them. When they met her, she was feisty, determined, willful, independent and strong. Able to stand on her own two feet, so to speak.

But now they realized she was only able to stand because she had someone behind her, supporting her always. Unconditionally.

And that support was now laying motionless on a hospital bed, the beeps of a machine eerily looming around their atmosphere, rousing such scary prospects.

Claudine sobbed hours upon hours straight, and the pair could only helplessly watch her do so.

They could do nothing, not while the girl’s mother was in such a critical state, no one knowing if she’d ever wake up again.

---

She woke up.

It was late in the afternoon, and Claudine had fallen asleep from all the crying, head rested on her arms on her mom’s bedside.

The woman blinked the sleep away, eyes scanning the room and landing on two strangers, two women who awkwardly bowed their introductions, trying to explain why they were in the room of someone they had just met today. “Hello, um.” They bowed slightly. “We are… well… we are S-Saijou-no… Claudine’s sisters.” One with streaks of mint in her blonde locks tried, scared of the older woman’s reaction to this news.

“I know.”

“What?!” Shocked, they listened to the giggling mother explain why.

She began to express her regrets with the man known as Jacques. It was a mistake. Everything involving him was.

It was a corporation party for a show she had performed in. And the man was one of the sponsors. She had been forced to drink, coerced, probably slipped something strange, and when she woke up…

Weiss face was contorted in disgusted anger. “That man should just get arrested already.” She seethed. They knew it would take a little more effort than just reporting it to police, however. Especially since it had been nineteen years ago. But hey, he had so many faults, couldn’t they just… get him for any of those?

And then she remembered why Diana and Claudine were claimed as his children in the first place. He always tried to look for loopholes out of prison. He just had so much undeserved power. Weiss hoped it would bite him in the ass one day.

They swapped stories until the orange sky turned dark blue, and visiting hours were almost coming to a close. Claudine was breathing softly, eyes puffy, body relaxed. Her mother petted through golden mane, leaning down to plant a kiss on the crown of her head. She then turned to her daughter’s sisters, rose-red eyes, making a life-time request, plea to them.

“Please… take care of her.” They saw her fist tighten for a moment, before relaxing again. “She is the love of my life.” If Weiss used to think that that title could only be applied to romantic partners, her perception was given a fresh wash.

Love of your life. To be able to call someone that, such a pure unadulterated love towards another human being... it was something special. And probably something she herself had yet to experience. Her younger sister truly was blessed, as she claimed. It was clear why she grew up, able to be satisfied with her family life. Claudine surely felt the same for her mother.

Maybe someday, they too…

They stayed a few more minutes, simply waiting until Claudine would wake up. She soon did, and they pushed her to spend the remaining time with her mom right until the last minute before visiting hours would officially be over.

They thought they would have to pry Claudine away from her mother as she had spent almost the entire time hugging her, speaking from time to time, but mostly just holding her wordlessly.

But the girl really was a mature, grounded lass. It was amazing, inspiring, and… a bit sad, they’d admit. What else had she been through to grow this resilient?

They walked home a slow pace. No one had said any word.

The nighttime breeze hit them coldly and they shivered. Then, each sister awkwardly took a hand, at the same time, as if they shared some form of telepathy. It made them feel warmer.

And so they continued their walk home together-

There was a collective growl of stomachs, along wlith blushing and chuckling.

And so they continued their walk to the nearest convenience store instead, grabbing a few chicken nuggets and hotdog buns, some juice, and a few chocolates. Then they went on home.

They learned a lot about each other today. However, it appeared as though there was even more to learn. There always was when it came to getting to know other people. And along with becoming familiar with each other, they’d discover many more of each other’s struggles and troubles.

They’d encounter their own as a family together as well.

But it really didn’t matter anymore, did it?

They could conquer anything. They really did believe they could conquer anything.

Together, they could.

 A/N: It’s 2:15am and my brain is fried. I have to re-enroll for my second semester classes and make my mom’s modules haha. Anyway, The picture I have for this AU’s Diana is actually still reserved, but the soft kind around her sisters. She’ll be cold around other people tho. Kind of meek, in a sense, but that has to do with how bad she’s had it growing up. And although Claud is the youngest, she acts like the mother. Weiss, I can definitely see as the middle child haha. Weiss’ tsundere aspects and Claudine’s slightly prideful self make for a wonderful dynamic in interactions. I love it. Diana is like the regulator of their passionate bickering. It’s like icecream on a hot cookiebrowny. I think.

Comments, kudos, reblogs, let’s go? Please? I’m desperate for feedback haha.

~Shintori Khazumi

[elaz-ivero]

Celestial Bodies- Television Script // E1- Pilot

"If your afraid of these hills, of the pastures past the signs, of the people here who are just living their lives then your not going to make it out of here alive" -

Category - Young Adult

Genre- Coming of Age/ Thriller

Synopsis- Radon Springs, a small town tourist hotspot where the Bluepark radioactive disaster is memorialised in printed t-shirts, keychains and commemorative mugs. Within this town five teenagers, from social butterflies to newcomers unaccepting of the small-town traditions to investigators who learn of things they’d rather not know, find themselves in a religious once dead prophecy on top of the usual teen drama, romance and occasional death.

Tone- Dreamy, dark, nostalgic.

Inspo- Sabrina the Teenage Witch, The Devil All the Time, I'm not okay with this, End of the F***ing world.

Celestial bodies is a project that I've started so that one day I can perfect it and add it to my end of year portfolio, since it's my first television script it's a bit rough and more literary than normal following my roots as a poetic writer. I use Writerduet.com for drafts of my scripts and celtx.com as a space for collaborative work and the 'rough' drafts sits around 2,223 words long the length of a flash fiction story. Following an already insane idea, each episode follows a specific colour scheme with the opening pilot being scarlet; danger, action, consequences.

The pilot of Celestial Bodies follows a non-conventional three-act structure to reflect the instability of the setting, in a place where radiation runs rampant and affects the technological efficiency of cameras, compasses, radios and computers of course it'd affect the filming process in a meta-way. I've always imagined Celestial Bodies being shot on disposable camera's at times and being overlayed with bleeding and colour replacement effects to make the film feel as though it is deteriorating as one watches which helps reflect the breaking mental stability of the opening episodes main character.

ACT ONE

The episode begins with a recording of an old documentary, the screen flickering and fading in and out of focus the establishing shots of the town interwoven with a male voiceover telling the history of RadonSprings and the infamous radioactive disaster hidden in its memory. I tend to stray away from prefactory information in introductions, however, I don't believe this choice takes away from the intrigue especially since almost everything else is shown to the audience through background visuals/ allusions in speech.

After this recording dies down, the voice mellowing to a melodramatic drum the shot changes to an establishing shot and we briefly meet our first character.

Dallas is the eldest daughter to her first-generation immigrant parents who've moved away from the illustrious big city to focus on whats important, family, connection and affordable house prices. Dallas is calm, collected, well-reasoned and willing to start over in a new town, make friends three years older than her and find herself again or under the worst circumstances hide away again and retreat into a formulated identity. We meet Dallas as she reckons with her parent's decision and when a stranger appears at their house at the end of the episode desperately reaching out to her mother and claiming to know her Dallas is left alone, her parents fleeing forgetting to pack her and her brothers. Left in a parental position and lost Dallas is desperate to find people her age whom she can connect with.

ACT TWO

We take a break from Dallas to establish Gecko, a young boy coddled by his mother for years who is about to do the unthinkable.

We meet Gecko briefly in the present day, wearing bright tight-fitting clothing, his hair recently dyed, movements pre-planned and anxious a brief cutaway to a few nights prior shows him in the form he's used to, 20 years old and still wearing hand-me-downs from his grand-father. He's apart of an average radioactive family, a mother faking her therapy degree and psycho-analysing her own son, a displaced father, drop-out older brother and him; a trigger-happy straight-A son still reckoning with his own gender and sexuality and unable to get higher-paid work because of his disability. The scene is slow but punctual with an intruder entering Gecko's house and threatening to attack his mother, Gecko does the only thing he can think to do, he grabs his absent fathers hunting gun and shoots one lethal shot into the burglar's back.

His mother takes care of it, burying the man in her tulip garden she reasons with him that this won't be the end for him and that if he just pretends everything's normal...no...everythings perfect it'll be fine. People die of gradual radiation poisoning all the time, people disappear all the time.

ACT THREE

Act three is an amalgamation of the aftermath of all these events, Gecko reinvents himself becomes a walking performance and summer school starts, all his old friends are back in town. Lexa owns a motorcycle, Scottie's picked up some work, Bea's preparing for the tourist season, each of them unaware of the changes that have been made to this small town.

Before I start Episode Two, I'm planning on going back through this script and adjusting some dialogue and lengthening some scenes so they feel more natural.

But that's Scarlet Fever! I love the vibes of this episode and how eratic it is in its unnatural delivery. My goal for this project isn't to complete drafting the two seasons I've planned but to just write a script that isn't shit. I'm loving this project so far and the characters are some of my favourite, so refined and mature!

Till next time

-E

[vanessakirbyfans]

There’s a singular vision that director Kornél Mundruczó had in constructing “Pieces of a Woman,” and he had the full trust of his actors, particularly Vanessa Kirby and Ellen Burstyn. The film had its world premiere at the Venice International Film Festival where Kirby won the Volpi Cup for best actress. Just ahead of its Venice bow, Oscar-winner Martin Scorsese joined the film as an executive producer.

The phrase “it’s difficult to watch” is often spoken in various cinephile circles when referring to dour, less-than-pleasant movie experiences. I can recall having those same conversations around films like “Requiem for a Dream” and “Son of Saul.” Similar words have been uttered about Mundruczó’s portrait of loss and grief.

The role of Martha, a woman whose home birth ends in an unfathomable tragedy, demanded a lot of the 32-year-old Kirby. She’s received rave reviews for her performance, planting herself near the forefront of this year’s best actress race.

Burstyn has been a staple of the cinematic industry for more than five decades. She’s managed six Oscar nominations over her career, winning best actress for Scorsese’s “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” from 1974. Her passion and vigor for her craft is as clear as any thespian working today. When discussing her character Elizabeth, and her daughter Martha, who is a third-generation Holocaust survivor, drawn from screenwriter Kata Wéber’s own family experience, she becomes visibly emotional.

“Pieces of a Woman” marks the English-language debut for Mundruczó, who gained a passionate following with his breakout film “White God.”

On Thursday evening, in collaboration with the American Film Institute, Netflix will be hosting a screening with industry professionals, critics, journalists and Academy members.

Variety sat down with both Kirby and Burstyn prior to the screening.

You have had an incredible career, and are still working consistently. Do you have a method to choosing roles at this point in your profession?

Ellen Burstyn: Whenever I’m asked a question like that, I have the impression that people feel I get a million offers and I pick my favorite and that’s not quite true. I don’t have to turn down many films. If I like the director, writers and the actors, I’m prone to take it because in fact, there aren’t many roles written for a woman of my age. So when I get one, I’m usually very happy to get it.

In this case, I saw “White God,” Kornel’s film, and I adored that film. And I have seen Vanessa [Kirby] play Princess Margaret [on “The Crown”] and I don’t watch television very much. When I saw Vanessa, I went “who’s that?” I could see right away she was a special, really accomplished, talented actress. Unusually talented. I was very impressed with her. So when I have a filmmaker I like, a script I like, and an actress like Vanessa where I get to play her mother. It’s a win-win-win situation. That doesn’t happen very often. The roles that are written for a woman my age aren’t plentiful.

This role demands a lot of you, not just as an actress, but as a human. Can you talk about your experience filming?

Vanessa Kirby: Well, firstly, Ellen is one of my heroes. I was so excited that she agreed to do it. She’s always had this trailblazing fire in all of her performances. I so looked up to that, like Gena Rowlands, the same kind of dynamism. I’m so happy to have her in my life now and she’s someone I love very deeply.

How demanding it was on paper, and the idea of knowing that I would need to understand, and go into the psychology of that level of grief, while trying to honor all of the women that I spoke to, and that went through similar things, it felt like a responsibility. I’m always looking for something that scares me and that is seemingly insurmountable, and that alone was the birth because I haven’t given birth myself. I knew I owed to women to try to portray as true-to-life as possible. I was very lucky to watch someone do it for real, which helped me incomparably and I wouldn’t have known how to do it without her giving me the gift of allowing me to be there with her.

The 23-minute one-shot sequence of you giving birth is incredible. How many takes did you do and can you talk about that experience?

Kirby: The actual filming of it was just exhilarating. It was the best film experience of my life. We did four takes the first day and two the second day. I think Kornel used the fourth one. It was like doing a play. Shia is also a real theater animal, so is Ellen, and we all understood what it would require. It was exciting setting up, preparing and then launching into it freefall. And then at the end, to slowly missing word? Out of it – taking a long time to come out of it – and then reset everything. We would blast music around the house and dance around the house just to clear what had happened. By the end of it, your psyche does know any different and you feel like you actually went through this.

Your character is deeply flawed but with a lot of love for her daughter. Did you draw on anything from your own life as screenwriter Kata Weber did?

Burstyn: I always draw from personal experiences. It’s just part of what we do. I don’t know how to not do that. She’s a funny type of character [Elizabeth]. The story Kata wrote about how she was born, with the Holocaust aspect of the film, is from Kata’s family. The idea of being held upside down by your feet and the doctor saying that if she picks up her head, she’ll survive. That’s such a…deeply moving concept how one comes into the world. With the will to live, despite the frail condition of the body. It’s so moving to me. It explains so much about her character and her drive forward. That wonderful introduction of the character that Kata wrote. It’s kind of a pathetic version of whatever it is, make it better, go for it, do it. Don’t be satisfied with blandness. I think she’s a very strong character despite her limitations. She’s not in tune with her daughter but sometimes mothers aren’t.

Talk about Kornel’s vision of the film and how it compares to other directors you have worked with in the past.

Kirby: I knew that the film would be special. I always feel like his movies have a lot of soul and I love movies that have lots of soul. I knew that this was a personal story for Kornel and Kata. He had such a clear vision, and it’s so relaxing when someone has it. He had such a burning vision of Martha and needing that story to be told. It’s not about the loss of a baby, it’s more of a character study of someone that this happens to. How someone reacts to trauma and how individual grief is and he allowed me to really shape that. I felt a lot of respect and trust because of that. It was really profound collaboration.

Burstyn: I just feel his sense of sensitivity and is such a dear human being. Kind and a visionary. I felt like he allowed me to give what I had to give. I never felt interfered with. Sometimes directors come up with an idea and they say “maybe she does xyz” and you say “what?” I deeply fond of him.

If nominated, Ellen Burstyn you will set a record as the oldest acting nominee ever at 88 years and 98 days old on nomination day. How does that feel?

Burstyn: That’s a wonderful thing. I actually have a strong desire to be the oldest person ever nominated. That’s an encouraging thing for me to say to the women of the world, keep on trucking, as long as you can. Don’t give up, don’t retire, don’t sit back and say “well I guess it’s over,” it’s not over, until you declare it’s over. I pray that I get to be that example.

Ann Roth, the costume designer for “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” also a Netflix feature, who if she’s nominated, she will be oldest nominee, of any category, at 90.

Burstyn: I’m jealous.

How do you feel about the reviews you are receiving and the possibility of being in the awards conversation?

Kirby: The film felt so much bigger than any of us. This is a subject about neonatal death. The women I spoke that had stillbirths and multiple miscarriages and it’s still a subject that’s really hard to talk about. The fact that you’re saying this conversation is happening around this [film], that means so much to me. If that means that a few more people watch it or more conversations start happening, and that was everyone’s intention with it. The best moments of my working life was doing that birth. It’s hard to articulate. I’m unbelievably grateful and touched that it’s for this film. It’s my first lead role too and I knew I that was ready. I waited a long time. I watched other people do it and I absorbed everything and felt really ready.

Burstyn: Honey, you’re a glowing example of what a fine actress is. You studied well and you came up the right way on the stage, which as far as I’m concerned, everybody who ever wants to be an actress should learn what is on the stage. You’re an absolute glory as an actress, and as a person I might add.

I wish you were my mother.

Burstyn: I can’t tell you how many people say that to me. After “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore,” I became some type of archetypal mother that people never had and wish they did.

“Pieces of a Woman” will stream on Netflix on Jan. 7.

[anikoku]

Mini-essay: How the narrative of KH3 was damaged by the compulsory heterosexuality and gender norms of Japanese society

Major spoilers of Kingdom Hearts 3 are below. Please don’t look unless you’ve finished the game!

One more disclaimer: this is coming from a Japanese perspective, and it’s not meant as a xenophobic attack on the culture I was raised in.

   Light-and-darkness logic, time travel, and bosses who are giant ships, I’ll ignore. That’s just part of the Kingdom Hearts package, and despite the headache they might give me, I’ve come to accept these wild ideas and take pride in my ability to handle them. But when we stray from the fantasy, it becomes difficult confronting the cultural context that the Kingdom Hearts series is birthed from, and how these ideas have affected key plot points and the characterization of our beloved heroes.   Despite its stunning popularity overseas, the Kingdom Hearts series is still conceived in Japan (by middle-aged Japanese men, no less) for Japanese audiences. I’ve always felt that Square Enix as a company remains disconnected from the input of its non-Japanese audience. Whatever catering is done towards overseas players is limited to game mechanics, not plot. I expect there’s something of a よそはよそ、うち��うち (“That’s fine for them but not for us”) mentality when it comes to structuring the story in a way that may appeal to overseas (specifically Western) fans. The writers do not know how to do this, and they do not wish to. I don’t believe that any culture should have to adjust its creative output to make it more palatable to the outside world, but considering the sheer size of the Kingdom Hearts fanbase, such a blatant refusal to consider modern storytelling trends in the gaming world will—and has—damaged its enduring legacy. Let’s not forget the fact that Japanese society itself is not suspended in time; its younger generation has different ideas about gender, sexuality, and romance.   I’d like to discuss three examples in KH3 where the writers leaned heavily on traditional gender norms and heterosexual romance to the detriment of the plot and the integrity of previous characterization. First, there’s the matter of Subject X, the amnesiac girl who became the reason why Ansem the Wise shut down his experiments. We learn late in the game that she was Lea and Isa’s missing friend, and the reason why they chose to infiltrate the castle and join Organization XIII. Before this piece of knowledge was revealed, Lea and Isa remained the only (human) pair whose friendship existed outside of the boy-girl-boy dynamic that Nomura is so fond of. Like Axel and Roxas prior to Xion’s introduction in 358/2 Days, Subject X was retconned into their friendship, altering their dynamics and diluting the significance of the homosocial relationship. Putting aside shipping perspectives, it is important to be able to portray two men (nevermind the prospect of two women, that’s too much to hope for in this franchise) sharing a strong emotional bond. Falling back on the trio concept not only feels like lazy and tired writing, but seems to speak to a fear that without a female presence, the love and connection between two male characters is simply too homoerotic.   In an interview, Nomura remarked he was surprised by Aqua’s popularity since she did not resemble previous Kingdom Heartes heroines. He and other writers (Masaru Oka and perhaps others) have a clear idea of what femininity means and what role female characters should play, and that was never clearer than the portrayal of Kairi and Aqua in the final half of the game. After being chosen as a Guardian of Light and spending the entirety of the story training with Merlin, after promising Sora that she would be the one to protect him, Kairi’s helplessness in the final battle was appalling to witness. She is depicted as weaponless when Terra-Xehanort charges at her. Sora and the others throw themselves in front of her to protect her, and this leads directly to Donald’s self-sacrifice. Later, she is easily kidnapped by Xemnas and killed by Master Xehanort to fuel Sora’s anger. This act of textbook ‘fridging’ absolutely disregards Kairi’s agency and her wish to fight alongside her friends. She represents the worst depiction of the traditional female role in storytelling: she is an object of desire to be rescued, damaged, and won over. In other words, it’s bullshit. Likewise, although she is one of the three Keyblade Masters present in the story, Aqua is constrained to a passive role. She is first rescued by Sora, then by Ventus, then assisted by Sora once more against two opponents (Terra-Xehanort and Vanitas) she had previously beaten. When confronted by the Demon Tide in the Keyblade Graveyard, Aqua whispers “no” and lets her Keyblade slip out of her hands, defeated. This is not the same Aqua who survived over a decade in the realm of darkness, defined by her bravery and strength of will. In an era with an increasing number of female-led titles and queer, non-traditional characterization, the female characters of Kingdom Hearts are still relegated to the role of nurturer and caretaker. In a game released in 2019, that hurts.   Finally, I’d like to argue that the narrative focus on Sora and Kairi’s romance came at the expense of the friendship between Sora, Riku, and Kairi, something I believed so thematically important to the franchise. The other trios (Axel, Roxas, Xion and Terra, Aqua, Ventus) are depicted as being equally close and connected, yet KH3 does nothing to showcase Riku and Kairi’s bond. Riku is about as affected as Mickey when Kairi is threatened. The two of them never have a private conversation, not even the day before their final confrontation with Master Xehanort. Riku doesn’t volunteer to help Sora search for Kairi at the end of the game, despite him being aware of what damage it could cause Sora. And that is the other piece of the puzzle: Sora and Riku’s relationship has also been severely downplayed. During the events of KH3D, Riku becomes a Dream Eater out of his strong desire to protect Sora. His character arc has always been about “protecting the people who matter most”. Why, then, is he willing to let Sora abuse the Power of Wakening on his own? Why doesn’t he get to have a conversation with Sora before the final battle? Why is he shown racing against Terra and Roxas in the epilogue, while Kairi sits by herself and mourns? The lack of bond isn’t just present on Riku’s side. When Kairi and the others are swallowed by the Demon Tide, Sora falls to his knees and laments that he has no power now that he’s alone. His grief would have been more convincing, had Riku not been right there by his side. With such a strong bond remaining, there’s no reason Sora should have given up there; it was a deliberate narrative decision to highlight Sora and Kairi’s relationship while downplaying Sora and Riku’s. It seems that Riku was forced to take a step back to make room for the game’s heterosexual romance, and I believe the integrity of Sora, Riku, and Kairi as characters suffered because of this.   Many of the reunions in the final portion of the game were an emotional catharsis for me, and I did enjoy aspects of the story. That being said, the storytelling in KH3 makes me fear that Square Enix is either unwilling or unable to adapt to the gaming frontier now led by the West. For now, I’ll submit to the fact that the most satisfying conclusion to the series I’ve followed so long lies in the hands of the fans who are willing to do it justice.

[elliepassmore]

Fire Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, mind powers, court intrigue, companion novels, stand-alones, female leads TW mentions of rape I can't believe I haven't written a review for this yet. I've reread this book enough time the spine is wearing down (though still not nearly enough to make it fall apart like my first copy of Code Name Verity), and somehow never got to reviewing it. This is a companion to the Seven Kingdoms books, but you don't need to have read those to understand this one (and vice versa), since it's in a different part of the world and the characters only overlap a little. In this one, the story is set in the Dells, a kingdom that's been in a tumultuous state for the thirty years prior to the book's opening and which is on the brink of war. I enjoyed learning more about this world and the varying webs of politics that its embroiled in. There are so many moving pieces and so many unknowns that the intrigue feels real. There's also enough complications that the book gets into some of those grey moral areas I like to see in characters, albeit this isn't a main focus and only comes up occasionally. The characters are also set up for intrigue, with Fire as the main character, with Archer and Nash, the king, 'side main' characters. Additionally, there are several other side characters who play somewhat less of a role but are nevertheless still important. The relationships each of these characters has is similar to the politics of the Dells: they bump against one another and sharpen their edges before smoothing them down again. For the purposes of brevity, I'm only going over characters I think experience character development: Fire, Archer, and Nash. Fire is what is known as a 'monster' in the Dells--someone who can read and control others' minds and is preternaturally beautiful. She lives decently far from the center of politics, though her pseudo-adoptive father, Brocker, is the ex-military commander and so she remains in the loop. Fire is musical and caring and so desperately afraid of becoming like Cansrel, her father, the monster 'advisor' to the last king who helped run the king and the country into lawless ruin. Her father also had a knack for wielding his mind control in cruel ways. It's fascinating to read Fire's character growth from the beginning of the story to the end and how she not only grows more politically aware, but also how she develops into herself and becomes more comfortable with the things she's done in the past. Archer is Fire's best-friend/lover and grew up at the next land holding over (his adoptive father actually is Brocker). He and Fire have been friends since childhood and he knows and protects her secrets and is more than willing to go to the mat to defend her. Unfortunately for him, and sometimes for Fire, Archer has a bit of a jealous streak that can make him moody. I like Archer, but he doesn't make it easy to like him. His jealousy makes it difficult to appreciate that he is a good person, but he's a good person who holds too tightly to someone out of fear, despite his own wandering eyes (and bed). He does genuinely care about Fire, but I agree with something Fire says in the book, which is that Archer was never fully immune to the mental/emotional effects of Fire's powers. Nash is the king of the Dells and is similar to Archer in some ways. He's also in love with Fire and acts like an ass because of it. However, it's recognized from his introduction that Fire's monster powers are working on Nash and thus he's able to seek Fire out for training to strengthen his mind and the two develop a close friendship. Something I particularly like about Nash, once his early bad behavior is out of the way, is that he genuinely tries to control himself and his mind and that he places the blame for his actions and slip-ups wholly on himself. Over the course of the book, we see Nash go from a king who's a bit loose to someone more mature and in control. Suffice to say, Nash has the development that Archer doesn't and the two act fantastically as mirrors to one another. This is definitely one of my favorite books that I can keep coming back to. So far it's held up pretty well across the years as I've read and reread it without the plot/characters becoming immature. I will say, though, (and I can't believe I am because it's almost never my belief), but this has some themes in it that are too mature for readers younger than, say, 13. I first read it when I was in 5th or 6th grade, before I even had a Goodreads account, and I DNF'd it because it was just too much for me at that age, but I think it's fine for 13+, just heed the TW at the top of this review.

[adamcoled]

one night | tyler bate

A/N: It was Tyler’s Instagram story from a couple of days ago that compelled me to write this, and then I used this song as inspiration, hence the title. I hope you all enjoy! :]

Long ago, I embraced the motto “Life’s a party.” In a world with imposed standards and harsh reception to deviations from those standards, finding actual enjoyment in life is critical yet, at times, incredibly difficult. All my life, I had listened to other’s wishes and missed out on amazing opportunities just to please them; my own desires were overlooked because I knew they weren’t on par with the expectations people had. Quite frankly, looking back on it, perhaps it was partially my own fault for succumbing to the standards, but there didn’t seem to be much of a choice.

At the same time, it’s those memories of lost chances that allowed me to adopt a new lifestyle. At the ripe age of eighteen, fresh out of high school, I’d decided to put my own thoughts first for once and, against my parents’ wishes, applied to attend a university in the UK. For a while, it was an impulsive thing; an unrealistic dream I acted upon just to see where I ended up. It was quite shocking when I actually ended up thousands of miles away from home and in a place completely unknown to me, all because I finally could do something risky.

If that wasn’t a crazy act on its own, my behavior once I arrived into this new world definitely was. Clubs became a second home and one night stands became the only kind of relationship I knew. The same things that were so foreign to me not too long ago were second nature at this point.

That’s how that motto came about, though. Life was a party and damn was it fun.  

Truthfully, I didn’t give much thought to the string of nameless men I’d spent nights with; it’s not like I was a heart breaker, right? Each morning, I would remind myself of that fact, and yet I still felt oddly terrible after one particular encounter.

Friday nights were the best. A weekend full of adventure and a break from the week’s troubles was ahead of me, and so most of my worries were decimated without even the help of a drink. The clubs were always much livelier on Friday nights, too; maybe everyone felt the same way I did. Whatever it was, I was eternally grateful for it, because it made for endless excitement. Roaring music and careless dancing, it was truly the place to be and the time of my life.

Initially, tonight was no different. The atmosphere was erratic, people a little more rambunctious than usual, though I was quite the opposite. A little tamer, I’d say.

However, that was thrown to the wind when a very good-looking guy seemed to be making his way towards me. His gaze was just about dead set on me, our intense eye contact being enough to intrigue me. I watched as he pushed his way through crowds of dancing people, attempting to feign indifference to his impending arrival.

I had looked away for what I thought was only a split second, but by the time I looked back in his direction, he was instead right beside me with a smirk plastered on his face. My surprise must’ve shown a bit as he let out a low chuckle before speaking up.

“Hello,” the mystery guy greeted, a little loudly to be heard over the music, “You must’ve saw me staring from across the building? Couldn’t help myself.”

I grinned, his approach no different from other men in the past and yet still able to leave me feeling desperate to know more about him. “Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.”

“Ohhh, foreign, huh?” he quipped upon hearing my accent, “And confident, too. I like that.”

“Yeah? I’m Y/N.”

“Tyler. Lovely to meet you, Y/N. I must say, you really are stunning.”

So his name was Tyler. It sounded so natural flowing off my lips, like I was meant to say that name for more than just one night. Even our interaction seemed different, a completely new vibe surrounding us compared to the ones I normally got with others. But I wasn’t going to overthink it just yet. After all, we’d just met, and although he was extremely attractive, relationships weren’t my thing. They hadn’t been my thing for years now and they surely wouldn’t be my thing at the age of twenty, when my teenage years were over and true adulthood would be much more fun without being tied down by someone. And Tyler seemed like someone who would have that same mindset, not one to go for commitment and instead opt for a life of adventure, anyway. “You’re not so bad yourself,” I winked, hoping my slyness could get me somewhere.

Apparently it had worked, because he leaned into my ear, his voice lower now that he didn’t need to try so hard to be heard. “Do you always do formalities or is it just my lucky day?” he asked, pushing my hair back as he hesitated to move away.

“Might just be your lucky day,” I answered, moving slightly to a song I almost recognized, “But I think I know how to make it even luckier.”

I guess it was my flirtation and unwavering confidence that worked, because we left that club right then and there, climbing into a taxi as he’d claimed to have come with friends. Friends that were easily forgotten about once he’d set his sights on me, quite flattering I must say.

The night was alive and so were we. Two careless souls looking for a night of euphoria, and I had looked in all the right places. Tyler was incredible, which made for an incredible time, but that isn’t to say he changed my ways at all. Once we were exhausted and feeling the effects of such a wild night, I threw my clothes back on, gathered my belongings, and forced out a hasty goodbye.

It was never my intention to stay to see the morning sun in someone else’s bed and this time wasn’t any different. No one ever really questioned it either, expecting my sudden disappearance, some even being thankful for it. Neither of us wanted to deal with the awkward aftermath.

“You’re leaving?”

The confusion laced in his voice told me that he wasn’t expecting more. He was expecting to sleep with me beside him and wake up to see me still there. Maybe we would’ve went out for breakfast, or maybe he would have fixed up a quick meal. He was expecting anything but me to be the one to up and leave.

Clearly, he didn’t know me.

With my hand nearly on the doorknob, I turned around to see him putting his own clothes on as well, the comforter thrown off haphazardly as he hurried to stop me. “Was I supposed to stay?” I questioned, genuinely shocked by his reaction.

“I guess I just didn’t take you for that type,” he shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Or maybe I just wanted to believe you weren’t that type.”

His response was cryptic, though not to the point where I couldn’t deduce what he meant. And for just a fleeting moment, I was vulnerable, almost willing to get to know Tyler a bit more. As soon as that feeling came, it passed on by, replaced by a reminder that even just having this conversation was unlike me.

“Well, I’m sorry I can’t stay then. See you around.”

I knew I wouldn’t “see him around,” and I didn’t have a clue if I was thankful or not.

Life went on as normal, Tyler becoming just a nearly forgotten memory, and reasonably so. After all, I didn’t know a thing about him besides him name; if he had somehow managed to linger in my mind, I would have had reason to be concerned. Just as I expected, I never did see him again, either. Now that I had moved back to America, there was no reason to believe I ever would see him again.

Things had changed, though. Besides being back in my home country, I had cut back on my habits drastically, only finding myself at clubs on rare occasions and even met a guy named Pete who I still saw after our first night together. It wasn’t an actual relationship or anything, more so a no strings attached arrangement we both agreed upon. Avoiding feelings was a specialty of mine, and when I learned that was the case for Pete as well, I figured there could be no harm in it.

Even though I had mostly given up on clubs, ironically enough, that was where we met. His accent was obvious just from hearing his simple greeting and after a few meetings, I found out he was a wrestler who ended up here in Florida for WWE. At the time, I was completely blown away by that fact, hardly even believing it.

Now, here I was in the car with him, on our way to my apartment where we so frequently found ourselves.

“Dammit,” he groaned, hitting the steering wheel, “I just remembered I have to meet a friend to pick something up. Mind if we go there first? Let’s you finally meet Tyler, too.”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

I didn’t think much of it, assuming it would be just a quick introduction to a friend of Pete’s, but once we arrived and I saw who was standing there, I was absolutely surprised.

A definitely familiar face with the name to match up. Tyler, I would have remembered even if Pete hadn’t told me, but that was the extent of my knowledge. Not even a last name.

My repetitive blinking wasn’t enough to get rid of this image I thought my eyes were making up. Neither of us said a word, reason enough to believe he couldn’t believe I was standing in front of him either. I didn’t want to be the first one to speak up, so I was grateful that he took it upon himself to do so.

“Hey, Y/N,” he breathed out, “Long time no see.”

“Uhh yeah, it’s been a while.”

One quick glance at Pete revealed he was perhaps more stunned than we were, standing there wordlessly as he waited for an explanation of our prior encounter. There wasn’t much to it of course, just one night that happened years ago and hadn’t crossed my mind since. I hadn’t thought for even a second that I would ever cross paths with him again and yet here we were, doing just that in the most coincidental circumstances.

Finally Pete cleared his throat, breaking the awkward silence with “So you two know each other?” His gaze switched between the both of us, in disbelief as he tried to piece together such an odd situation.

“We met each other once before,” I concluded simply, shooting Pete a look that told him he could guess for himself how that meeting went. I watched as understanding passed over his features and he nodded his head slightly, a silent confirmation that he knew exactly.

That was that, Pete collecting whatever it was he needed from Tyler and then saying a quick goodbye, eager to return to our previous plans. I said a goodbye of my own to Tyler and couldn’t help but notice something seemed entirely off. He almost seemed hesitant to send me off with Pete, hiding a million words between sealed lips, his eyes following me until I was in the passenger seat and out of view.

Meanwhile, my own thoughts were just as scattered, trying to determine why seeing Tyler again left such an expression on me. While I was with Pete, I was thinking of Tyler.

Though I did want to see Tyler again, taking such a coincidental situation as the closest thing to fate I’d ever seen, I wasn’t even sure how to get in contact with him again. Asking Pete was simply out of the picture, seeing as he’d be curious as to why I wanted to see him again in the first place. He had already gotten suspicious following that one strange day, not that he really had any reason to be. Pete and I weren’t exclusive after all, both of us free to do whatever we wanted when we weren’t with each other; that’s how we liked it, that’s how he wanted it.

Desperate for some answers, I took to social media, hoping by some miracle my messages would actually reach Tyler. He surely had hundreds of others flooding his inbox, but then again, it wouldn’t be the first time things had worked out in our favor. All I wanted was one more simple chance to ask all the questions I had, ones about this whole absurd situation, yet it seemed so difficult.

But when he did, in fact, get back to me about meeting up, I was so surprised that I started second guessing myself. It was a bit of an impulsive decision to message him, but there was definitely some reason behind it. If I didn’t take this opportunity now, regret would be a comfy home within me in no time.

And only a few days later, I found myself in a casual restaurant with Tyler in front of me, a scene I never would have imagined just weeks ago. Tyler was a ghost of the past who had somehow escaped the confines of it, but I couldn’t say he was back to haunt me. This wasn’t necessarily a haunting because to say that would be to reduce him to someone I didn’t want to see when it was clear that wasn’t the truth. He may have been trouble, this whole idea may have been trouble, but that’s what made it all the more enticing.

“That was a real shock, seeing you after all these years,” he mentioned, “You and Pete, huh?”

I almost laughed at the words, his assumption far from the truth. Pete and I weren’t an item, at least not in the sense Tyler meant, and I thought he would have more sense when it came to his friend. Wouldn’t he know Pete wasn’t keen on relationships? And didn’t he remember my own habits, vanishing into the night without much of a goodbye?

“We’re not like that. At all.”

He raised an eyebrow for a quick second before realizing what I meant, a slight chuckle escaping his lips as if he was laughing at his own assumption, “Of course. I guess you two are quite similar.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, my voice coming out harsher than intended.

“Don’t get worked up,” he assured, taking a sip of his water casually to dismiss my apparent aggravation, “It’s just the way you both are, you know? No committed relationships, leaving in the middle of the night.”

“So now you’re taking digs at me,” I concluded, nodding my head in realization, “Are you still mad about that?”

If there were still feelings of resentment because of one night lost in the mix of a hundred others, I wasn’t sure how I could even respond to that. Tyler still didn’t know me and if he held a grudge against me, he was holding a grudge against a stranger.

The condescension in my tone was hardly intentional, it’s obvious that’s not what he believed when he scoffed out, “Mad? No. Just wanted to get to know you better, still do.”

“Tyler,” I started, sighing, but he cut me off before I could even think of my next words.

“I get it, you think I’m trying to build something. Can’t I just want to be friends?”

Friends was fine. Tyler seemed like a great guy, but that was exactly the problem. He seemed like such a great guy that I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn’t be able to stop at friends. He was the type of person people fall in love with, a friendly aura and brilliant smile and more kindness in his heart than I probably deserved, and I was the type of person who refused to fall in love.

That was the utter truth, and yet I still couldn’t stop myself from succumbing to his innocent request.

“Alright,” I agreed, “Friends.”

The whole no strings attached arrangement with Pete continued while Tyler and I truly did become friends, friends who hung out behind Pete’s back. That itself made things feel, well, not exactly like just friends. The frequent flirtation, lingering touches, and borderline dates didn’t help the cause, either.

Despite the obvious distinction between friendship and whatever we had, I all but ignored it in hopes I was just reading too much into things. Something told me I was wrong about that, which Tyler only confirmed one day at my apartment.

While most of my focus was on the movie we were watching, I noticed the occasional glances he sent my way, opening his mouth as if he was about to say something before ultimately deciding against it. Since his behavior was so odd, I fumbled for the remote before pausing the movie and turning my body to face him completely. Something was clearly bugging him and if he wasn’t going to speak up about it first, I had to call him out on it.

“Okay, what’s wrong? You keep looking at me,” I folded my arms across my chest, waiting on his explanation impatiently.

“What?” he asked, feigning confusion for a brief moment. Once he noticed I wasn’t budging, he gave in reluctantly. “There’s just something else I’d rather be doing than watching this movie.”

“Oh?” I titled my head, “What do you want to do? If you didn’t want to watch the movie, you just had to tell me.”

He leaned in just a bit, muttering, “Well, I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

And then his words were lost between liplock because I had leaned in myself, connecting our lips in a kiss that shouldn’t have been. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to pull away, not yet. If this was going to be the first and last time it happened, I wanted to be able to remember the feeling. Not just the feeling of his lips on mine, but the feeling of something more than lust. I didn’t have a word for it because it was so foreign to me, but I was certain I had to repress it before it became something out of my control.

Little did I know, it was already out of my control. Because although I pulled back from Tyler, squeezing my eyes shut as awareness finally set in, the only thing on my mind was how much I wanted to kiss him again.

“I’m gonna get a water,” I cleared my throat, standing up in a hurry but not making it to the kitchen. He had stopped me in my tracks, pushing me against a nearby wall.

“Why are you so against this?” he wondered aloud.

“I don’t do relationships,” I said plainly, looking past him. The wall in front of me had gotten a lot more interesting now that I was avoiding eye contact with Tyler.

“So that’s why you’ve got whatever it is going on with Pete, huh?” he presumed, “He doesn’t appreciate you. And I think you know that, and you know that some part of you wants more than this.”

Somehow, he knew my thoughts better than I did. He had read me so easily, making me wonder if I was that transparent. And if I was, why couldn’t I figure it out myself? Or maybe I had, maybe I knew all along that Pete was just a way to feel something, but I refused to admit it. I thought I’d put aside those feelings long ago.

When I didn’t deny his speculation, he took it as confirmation and kept going. “I’m right, aren’t I? That’s why you left that night.”

I watched helplessly as he pieced together everything, leaving me vulnerable, the one thing I hated most, and utterly lost. Lost in my own chaotic mind, unsure of how to respond to his daring speech. No one had ever bothered figuring me out, not even Pete, and here was Tyler, someone I hadn’t known for very long, doing more than anyone ever had. It was such an unknown concept to me and that alone was enough to scare me.

“That night meant nothing,” I hissed, hoping my harshness would send him off. I should have known Tyler wouldn’t back down, but I was desperate for an escape.  

“Maybe,” he agreed, “But that kiss meant something.”

Forcing myself to shake my head in disagreement, I pushed away from the wall and past him. “I think you should leave, Tyler.”

He was completely right, whatever compelled me to lean in wasn’t just impulse, it was an underlying feeling I’d ignored for much too long. Regardless, I didn’t change my mind and Tyler left my apartment without another argument, leaving me to ponder years of buried emotions.

Following that day, Tyler and I hardly talked. I had expected him to text me more so than usual, hoping to find closure from our previous conversation I’d cut short. Instead, he’d texted me only a few times about things completely unrelated. It was if he was ignoring that discussion completely, and while I was confused at first, I sorted it out quickly. He wanted me to reach out to him, wanted me to be the one to bring it up again. That would tell him it all. If I didn’t mention it again, letting it fade to a fragment of the past, he would know he couldn’t change my ways. He had tried, had given it his all that day, and if I chose to push him away, all he could do was let it happen.

In that sense, I both hated him for making me so conflicted and appreciated him for making me admit my hidden thoughts to myself. I hadn’t admitted them to him, not yet, but I didn’t need to. He knew.

Tyler absolutely knew he was right in his beliefs about me, the girl who had an empty heart and left him in an empty bed, but there was only so much he could do. It was up to me now to realize it myself.

So clearly, there was only one thing for me to do. My fingers went to work faster than my brain, pressing his contact before rationality could stop me.

“Hey, Tyler,” I greeted breathily, “Can you come to my place?”

The waiting was the worst; my mind conjured up endless scenarios of how this could go down and second guessing almost made me change my impending speech entirely. For once, I was going to let a good thing happen and abandon a habit I’d known for so long, but I had my doubts and my fear. When I heard his signature knock on my door, one he’d adopted over his visits, those doubts had nearly dissipated.

“You called?” he asked, his eyes seeming brighter than usual; perhaps he was hopeful I would finally acknowledge the situation.

“I did,” I nodded, smiling slightly as I stepped to the side, “Come on in.”

We took a seat on the same couch this whole thing started on, sitting in silence for a moment as all of my potential spiels echoed in my head. None of them seemed adequate now that he was in front of me, anticipating some grand epiphany.

“I guess I’ll just start this off by saying you were right. The last relationship I was in was…God, I don’t even know. Three, four years ago? So, I think that tells you that…this,” I motioned between us, “isn’t exactly something I’m good at.

“But I know it’s something I want to try. I was too scared to even admit that a few days ago, I mean seeing you after all that time was scary enough. I never thought things would catch up to me, but here I am, giving some sappy speech to a guy I spent a night with in a whole different country.”

The mood lightened a bit, both of us laughing at how things panned out. “I’m not saying I want to be in a relationship right now, but I’m saying I would love to keep hanging out how we are now and see where that takes us,” I finished, shaking my leg anxiously.

“You’re nervous,” he grinned, nodding his head at my shaking leg, “That’s cute. You don’t have to be nervous, though. That’s all I wanted to hear, that you’re willing to try. Seeing you and knowing you aren’t being appreciated like you should be was awful; I just wanted you to realize you can have something good, if you don’t run away from it.”

I smiled at him, grateful for the chance he was giving me. “Thank you, Tyler. I mean it,” I told him, “Also, um…I may still, technically, have a thing going on with Pete. Don’t worry, though! I’m going to talk to him about it today.”

“Well, don’t you think we should finally tell him what’s going on with us, anyway? I’ll go with you; he’s going to be a little pissed, I’m sure, but he’ll understand, eventually,” he reassured me, puling me into him, “He isn’t going to find anyone better than you, though. Poor guy’ll be wishing he hadn’t taken you for granted.”

“Sounds good to me. He’ll probably be more pissed at you, anyway,” I joked, laughing as he nodded in agreement.

As the moments passed by in serenity, I finally felt something deeper than anything I’d ever known. And even though I’d turned away from clubs and one night stands, life was still a party because now, I had someone who would make sure there was never a dull moment.

[fromtheringapron]

WWF The Wrestling Classic

Date: November 7, 1985.

Location: Rosemont Horizon in Chicago, Illinois.

Attendance: 14,000

Commentary: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura. 

Results: 

1. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Corporal Kirchner. 

2. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Dynamite Kid defeated Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie). 

3. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Ivan Putski.

4. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Ricky Steamboat defeated Davey Boy Smith via referee stoppage. 

5. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Junkyard Dog defeated The Iron Shiek (with Freddie Blassie). 

6. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Moondog Spot defeated Terry Funk (with Jimmy Hart) via count-out. 

7. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Tito Santana defeated Don Muraco (with Mr. Fuji). 

8. Wrestling Classic, Round 1: Paul Orndorff defeated Bob Orton via disqualification. 

9. Wrestling Classic, Quarter-Final: Dynamite Kid defeated Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart). 

10. Wrestling Classic, Quarter-Final: Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Ricky Steamboat.

11. Wrestling Classic, Quarter-Final: Junkyard Dog defeated Moondog Spot.

12. Wrestling Classic, Quarter-Final: Tito Santana and Paul Orndorff fought to a double count-out.  

13. WWF World Heavyweight Championship Match: Hulk Hogan (champion) defeated Roddy Piper via disqualification. 

14. Wrestling Classic, Semi-Final: Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Dynamite Kid. 

15. Wrestling Classic, Tournament Final: Junkyard Dog defeated Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) via count-out.

Analysis

Since the first WrestleMania was largely viewed via closed circuit television, The Wrestling Classic holds the distinction of being the WWF’s first event available exclusively on pay-per-view. The show proved successful enough to open up the flood gates for wresting on pay-per-view going forward, but does it hold up now? Absolutely fucking not. Due to the nature of the Wrestling Classic tournament, the entire show is put on fast-forward. We’re given some  ofthe quickest and screwiest finishes that would never leave the writer’s room today (or at least I hope). It doesn’t even have the charming naiveté of the first WrestleMania going for it. It’s certainly a historical curiosity, but that’s about it.

It’s kinda amazing to see some of the ideas they implement here that we wouldn’t see again. The show is presented to us in WrestleVision, which sounds like the type of gimmick I’d expect from a William Castle B-movie than an actual wrestling event. I’m sure since the show was such a novelty at the time, the whole WrestleVision bit was meant to make it feel a bit more special. A shame it still doesn’t present itself in any real, visible way throughout the entire broadcast. We’re also treated to a poorly laid-out Rolls Royce giveaway where the winner doesn’t even make an appearance. This idea of a prize giveaway would be explored again at the first In Your House where the WWF gave away an actual house, but at least that fit within the theme of that show. There’s no point to this car giveaway other than just to have one and, no, Lord Alfred Hayes rambling on the microphone isn’t going to make it better.

The good thing is that since everything is on speed mode and we’re getting something new literally every five minutes, there isn’t a lot of time to be bored. None of the matches, even the biggest ones, go over 10 minutes. The transition between matches and segments are starting to flow a lot better at this point in the company’s history. Speaking of which, in terms of production values, this is leagues better than the first WrestleMania. It’s pretty incredible how far they’d come in a few short months. This is largely thanks to their partnership with Dick Ebersol, who helped them launch Saturday Night’s Main Event on NBC. Just a marked improvement all-round. 

As for the card itself, all of the usual suspects of 1985 WWF are here. Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper are obviously the biggest draws, but the real standout in hindsight is Randy Savage. Though he came aboard a few months prior, this feels like his true arrival. Everything we commonly associate with the Macho Man is on display⏤the manic demeanor, the incessant rambling, the in-ring psychology, etc. This is also a formal introduction to his relationship with Miss Elizabeth, which is certainly darker in a modern context but nonetheless serves as an early chapter to a story that’s going to play out over the next seven years of WWF television. He ultimately loses in the tournament finals, but he’s definitely the breakout character. A serviceable beginning for one of the most iconic legendary characters in wrestling history.

The Wrestling Classic isn’t an essential show by any means, but it’s pretty harmless fluff. It’s definitely a product of its time and if you’re into this time period, you’ll get a kick out of it. But don’t be fooled by the name⏤there’s a ton of wrestling, but it’s far from a classic. 

My Random Notes

Love the mid ‘80s WWF intro. Those laser sounds are everything.

Amazingly, one of the show’s most enduring contributions to the WWF canon is describing everything as a “happening.” The show is a happening. The matches are a happening. There’s just happenings upon happenings and Gorilla Monsoon is gonna let us know about it.

Like presumably many of you, I’m completely baffled by the mere existence of one Susan Waitkis. Who is she? Why is she dressed like one of the wives from Manos: The Hands of Fate? I can only guess that Vince McMahon probably envisioned every pay-per-view having these glamorous women stand about like the models on The Price is Right, but at least models there look attentive when they’re shilling dish detergent or whatever the fuck. Susan seems like she has no idea what the hell she’s doing. Fortunately, however, we’d get a much superior Susan six months later.

My god, Lord Alfred Hayes is next-level cringe on this show. What a hardcore creeper. There’s a point where he appears to be on the verge of dry-humping poor Ms. Waitkis with the most disturbing look on his face you could ever imagine. It’s so far removed from the dainty little British man we all know. I can’t believe I’m saying this but: Give me deathly terrified Lord Al from WrestleMania I any day over this.

Ivan Putski is definitely someone from a particular era of wrestling, but he feels out of place here. He looks like your dad flexing his muscles to show the young guys he’s still got it and it’s all a little embarrassing to watch.

Holy fuck does Jesse Ventura turns up the racism on Tito Santana. I probably don’t need to tell you the racism from the heel commentators of the era is one of the things from this era that’s aged the worst but, wow, it’s really bad. 

I really get a kick out of Ricky Steamboat’s acting when he draws Davey Boy Smith. “He’s a fine young man!” exclaims Steamboat, knowing he’s gonna have to beat the shit out of the same man later in the evening.

There’s some storyline where a bounty is on Paul Orndorff’s head. It doesn’t go anywhere and I honestly had no idea it even happened. I will say: between the first WrestleMania and this show, where the hell did Bobby Heenan get all that money?

Any word on what happened to Michael Hamley and what he did with that Rolls Royce? I feel like WWE Magazine did an interview with him several years later but I can’t be certain.

[luci-yabs]

Ynnari-Everything (really)

Remove them.

Alright in truth I don’t hate them entirely, I simple have an incredible aversion to them since I think their fluff was one of most appalling things I’ve seen in recent GW, with the largest Aeldari/Eldar Plot Hook for ages being transformed into a glorified stepping stone for ‘MOAR PRIMARCHS’ and ‘MOAR MARINES’ stuff (as if those factions and characters aren’t already well-supported).

So, like my earlier bits on Ork-Teknology and Tau-Kroot, I wanna look at stuff I’d like to see GW do with regards to the Ynnari. I don’t have a specific aspect to focus on since the Ynnari are both a tiny faction (only three Miniatures really) and also I find pretty much all of the little content they do have unlikeable. So its just a general ‘stuff to improve the Ynnari’ section.

-First off; The Vizarch. Really everything about him. This guy is basically a placeholder with almost no contribution or presence within the lore at all, and certainly not anywhere near strong enough to be called a ‘match for the Imperium’s mighteist heroes’ as Warhammer Community teased him way back before FoB was released. Reading FoB I remember just being absolutely at a loss as to why he was included since his role in the plot amounted to almost nothing beyond his initial rescue of Yvrainne, most of the time he’s literally just a background prop who doesn’t even perform well as a bodyguard since, the one time, Yvrainne really needed help (agaist Ahriman) he was taken out just as fast as her. So what to do?

Well first off his actual personality needs to be fleshed out a bit, currently he’s just a statue most of the time. The promotional material running up to FoB teased that his feelings for Yvrainne were meant to be a big part of his characer’s motivation...but we barely see this in fluff (FoB or HoD). So if this angle is important to him focus on it more. Focus on his love for Yvrainne. There are few enough couples of importance of any sort in 40k that Yvrainne and the Vizarch actually having a canonical romantic story tied to their lore could be interesting.

Secondly they have to decide on his role. He’s always just described as the ‘Blademaster of the Ynnari’ but, hilariously, pre-8th he had less WS than both the other Ynnari, making that whole claim weird. If he isn’t their best fighter (and his power level clearly shows he’s not at all that deadly) then give him another role. If Bodyguarding is all he’s good at, that’s fine, but then have him actually succeed at it, not be taken out at the exact same time as Yvrainne.

Thirdly; his connection to Ynnead! Despite seemingly being the contacted by Ynnead before Yvrainne even was, before Eldrad’s ritual even, we have next-to-nothing on the Vizarch’s own connection to Ynnead. So explore this, how it interacts with him (a former disciple of Khaine). Is he torn between two gods? Did he convert outright? Or, in true Aeldari/Eldar fashion, is the matter more esoteric? Sometimes he is the Blade of Ynnead, but at other times he feels as the Aspect of Khaine, sometimes the lines blurring, as everything exists within rotating orbits and cycles of each other. But considering how important Ynnead was supposed to be prior to FoB turning them into a glorified Imperium Plot Device, some more development of their connection to the Vizarch would be appreciated (such as that lovely scene of the Avatar of Khaine and Jain Zar having a father-daughter quarrel in the awesome Jain Zar novel).

-Yvrainne is...well overall I’m positive about her. I think her introduction was rushed (they should have perhaps had novels building up to her appearance in the game) but I respect the desire for an actual Female Protagonist of the whole setting. It is a pity they are unwilling to make said Female Protagonist a match for their Male Protagonists and instead force her to play the traditional ‘Powerful as support’ role but, at least, they are trying to make Yvrainne a female protagonist in 40k who effects the entire setting. If there is any complaints I have with her it is, simply, that for the chosen vessel of Ynnead’s power she seems to be a very weak Psyker.

-The Yncarne; so this thing is basically like Yvrainne’s Eidolon, if you know FF13, its just a big super-summon she can pull out sometimes to win fights for her, it really is nothing else. Improvements? make it actually formidable. At current it isn’t Primarch-tier, I mean Ahriman casually defeats it, the Vizarch and Yvrainne with a single gesture, it is just an incredibly underwhelming entity for something supposed to be so strong.

-More information on how Ynnead interacts with the Warp. FoB implies that the form of Warp Energy Ynnead represents (Death) acts as an antithesis to the Four Chaos Gods, making it appear as Null Zones they cannot percieve. This is interesting, so develop it further, are the Daemons of Ynnead then effectively invisible to Daemons of the Chaos Gods? What are Slaanesh’s actual feelings about Ynnead in detail (more importantly what of his Servants? If this thing threatens Slaanesh’s existence how come it seems none of Slaanesh’s primary Servants even care?)? And what of Khaine and Cegorach? One of the few parts I liked about FoB was the talk of the resurgent Pantheon of Khaine, Ynnead and Cegorach. The Aeldari/Eldar Gods have fought together before, Ynnead’s birth is implied to have been planned by Cegorach, so can the Three Gods begin moving towards a more formal Alliance? Ynnead’s unique position perhaps allowing it to restore Khaine from his shattering? Any development regarding the Aeldari/Eldar mythos, which I consider some of the most esoteric and inventive parts of all 40k Lore.

-Successes for the AELDARI/ELDAR! I cannot stress this enough. At current the Ynnari seem to be nothing more than a group of Aeldari/Eldar who specialize in helping the Imperium. If the Ynnari are a ‘Rising Force’ as touted by the Index Xenos 1 and Rulebook then show examples of their rise, tell me what they are doing, show me their successes, their failures, the foes they’ve defeated, the enemies they’ve made, something concrete and not just vague background noise of no consequence. Since his return Guilliman’s saved Ultramar, defeated Skarbrand, defeated Qaram, won the battle of Luna, won the 2nd Siege of Terra, won the Plague Wars and won the Indomitus Crusade. That’s happened in less time than the Ynnari have been around (since they precede Guilliman by one book). So show the Ynnari doing something too! Most importantly; show them doing things of consequence to the Aeldari/Eldar directly, not just consistently acting as backup for the Imperium to be the Heroes.

-Also we need some information on Ynnari Infrastructure and society. Are they just a mobile military force? Do they have civilians? Do they have bases? What infrastructure for the productions of arms do they have? These are things that need to be filled in. At current only 1 Craftworld is known to fully support them; Altansar, so is that their Base of Operations?

Biel-tan died for this ;_; (not even Fenris or Baal-type ‘heavily damaged but still okay and under our control’ it just outright broke and lost its Avatar of Khaine and now divided into numerous far smaller forces. I’m gonna miss Bahzakhain so much).

Anyway so quite a bit. Doubt any of it’ll happen, but it’d be nice.

[gestaltmemoir]

The Lacustrine Palace

There's no denying that Meridian's capital is a beautiful place. What most people don't know, however, is that the city's many monuments have a story behind them. One of my earlier works as Meridian cultural adviser to the Foreign Ministry was this article, which is still available on their official publication The Definitive Guide to Meridian.

I visited this building a few times when I was a boy. It helps that it was literally the next island over from my uncle's house. It was a sight to behold, despite my general distaste for its current occupant. -Todd

Introduction

One of the old residences of Meridian’s royal family prior to their ascension to the throne, the Lacustrine Palace of House Blackheart was one of the most magnificent residences in the Imperial Capital City of Gestalt. Although not as huge or as old as that of the other palatial compounds of the noble houses of Anspach, it is definitely one of the most opulent—a wondrous blending of cultures that would help set the trend for all patrician residences and the architecture of the Meridian Empire for years to come.

Its history, from its construction as an urbane oasis within reach of the family’s namesake lake to its status as an official royal residence, is tied to that of the modern history of the Meridian Empire. The home was initially built as a townhome and retreat for the exclusive use of the Marquis, Patriarch of the House of Blackheart, and his family. It currently serves as one of many official royal residences, typically being used as the residence of heirs apparent and their families.

In the best of times and worst of times the Lacustrine Palace had been a safe haven, a base of operations, a royal residence, and a prison for the noble house that had a hand in the foundation of the modern Meridian state.  Despite its modest size compared with the Imperial Palace at the city center, the home has held a special place in the hearts of the many emperors who grew up there.

Construction

This home—modest in size by Imperial Meridian standards—was set close to the shores of the great lake that bears the name of the family that had called it home.  It was first conceptualized by Frederick IX, Marquis of Blackheart, and his wife, the Princess Makeda of the Western Meridian Empire, eighty years before the advent of the first Steam Wars. Construction began shortly after the birth of their son, Elector Frederick Galliard X, Prince of Sapir, who would later complete the palace long after they had died.   The palace was built with the profits the family had made from the founding of the trade route between the Northern Meridian Empire and the Sapirian Empire of the West.

This beautiful residence, which fused together architectural styles from the Empires of Sapir and Gestalt, was meant to serve both as a townhome and a retreat—a place to be closer to the city as the now-busy Marquis needed to be and as a quiet getaway for the couple and their family.  

To achieve this level of privacy and convenience, it was built on a small lake island close to the shore of Lake Blackheart, linked to the island by a small private causeway.  Located at the outskirts of Gestalt, itself an island at the center of the lake, the Lacustrine Palace was sufficiently distant from the busy capital to retain its serenity while being relatively accessible by boat or carriage to the city center.

Architecture

The palace was the couple’s pet project and was meant to be a private residence. Reclusive yet within sight of Gestalt, it harmoniously combined elements from all corners of the continent. Fine materials were carefully arranged and coordinated by many of  the great architects and artisans of Sapir and Gestalt under the auspices of the Marquis and the Princess. The finished building was a testament to Meridian artisanship as well as the budding steel and glass industries that laid the foundation of the country's industrial revolution.

The materials were selected from among the finest that the two empires had to offer. Artisans from across the continent brought with them elegant glass and metalwork from Murphy and Vhedonia, specially handcrafted chandeliers from the artisan shops of Gestalt, rugs and tapestries from Bechdel—all framed by an edifice faced by beige sandstone and marble from the quarries of the Wildlands, worked on by the finest masons of the two Meridian empires.

The completed palace was the center of a complex of buildings built around the small lake island. The main home was an elegantly decorated palace, modest compared with its contemporaries, that had over 50 spacious rooms, elegantly yet minimally decorated with trappings from throughout the continent. These included study rooms serving as offices for the Marquis and his family, bedrooms, nurseries for the children, several dining and reception rooms, two ballrooms, and an entire annex dedicated to the accommodation of guests.

The centerpiece of its interior is a massive staircase that led to the private chambers of the Marquis and his family. Framed by elegant steel and stained glass skylights that brought natural light into the hall, the Grand Staircase was the crown jewel of the palace and would serve as a platform from which most of the family’s great milestones would be announced and celebrated.

Additions to the home would be built by later generations of Blackhearts; the first of these add-ons was built in the elder days of Frederick X—it was a lakeside mausoleum and Mapotherian shrine on the far end of the islet where the complex was located.  There, Frederick’s parents, as would Frederick himself, were interred.

As the technology of the Empire marched forward, so did the features of the palace. The complex was among the first of the stately houses to adopt gas (and later electric) lighting as they became available.  The residents of the palace, however, claim that the natural light that entered the home through its skylights provided the most spectacular lighting of all.

History

When the keystone of this palace was first laid, the Blackhearts were still one of the poorly known “minor houses” of Anspach. Despite their influential role in the founding of the Garanian state, they barely held on to the shores of the lake that bore their name. In politics, they were often eclipsed by the more prestigious lords of the Electorate.  

The adventurous Marquis of Blackheart, a frontiersman who had founded a small but immensely profitable outpost in the shores on the far edge of the great Peripheral Sea, had restored part of their dignity through his marriage to the youngest daughter of the Sapirian Emperor.  Their union paved the way for trade between the two Meridian empires, which brought in much riches and prestige for the Marquis and his family. The Lacustrine Palace was commissioned to commemorate their union and celebrate the family’s newfound wealth and power.

In contrast to the political overtones of their union, the Marquis and his princess bride were very much in love. They designed the palace together as a symbol of their everlasting fondness for one another, and would fuse the details of their cultures as a reflection of both their union and that of their cultures.

The palace, though functional, was still halfway finished when Princess Makeda fell ill and died. Grief-stricken Frederick left the residence incomplete; his palace had become a self-imposed prison for the broken-hearted marquis. It fell to his son to finish the palace to commemorate his parents’ memory.

Shortly before he himself died, Frederick Galliard X bore witness to his son, Frederick Galliard XI, becoming heir to the throne of Sapir upon the staircase where his father and mother had previously announced his coming of age as a Prince of Sapir.  Subsequent residents would add to the complex, but due to the size of the island, the Lacustrine Palace would remain small.

A House for Royals

Intrigue and circumstances in the far-flung Western Meridian Empire would turn the completed palace—hitherto the city home and private retreat of the Marquis of Blackheart—into a royal residence. Tragedy struck as a massacre took place at the Western Empire’s capital Whorfian ordered by unknown agents. This left Frederick Galliard XI, himself elected as the successor to the Garanian Throne of the East, the sole blood heir to the throne of the West. Within months, the palace became the host and official royal residence of the Emperor of a united Meridian.  

Frederick I, as we now call him, lived his entire life in the palace and was even born in one of the chambers there. It was the first time an emperor was born in the palace. This soon became an unofficial tradition. Princess Imperials and Empresses often chose home births in this specific palace whenever it was advisable.

At present, the Lacustrine Palace of the Blackhearts is named one of the official royal residences of the Blackheart dynasty, acting as the de jure official residence of the crown prince or crown princess after they have come of age.  

Current Occupant

The current official occupant of the palace is the First Prince Blackheart and heir presumptive to the Blackheart throne, though he has since vacated the home upon his recent imperial appointments in government.

His highness, like his father Emperor Frederick III and grandfather prince Galliard II, was born and raised for some time in the palace, reflecting a century-old imperial family tradition followed for generations.  The palace became his personal residence upon the ascension of his father to the throne and subsequent move of the new imperial household to the Imperial Palace at Gestalt, and he began to occupy it at the age of 16. He has, in the duration of his occupancy of the residence, treated it as a place to satisfy his personal pleasures.  

The palace hosted many of the prince's events, some of which were respectable affairs of national importance. Most remembered of these, however, were his many riotous parties, which frequently devolved into drunken frenzies. Ever the hedonist, the First Prince Blackheart had used the palace for his personal pleasure since his early childhood, where it functioned as a giant playhouse for him and his young friends.

Although rumors persist that the prince's occupation had caused irreparable damage to the palace, the desk of the First Prince Blackheart has denied such allegations, saying that any damage had been minimal and was quickly addressed by the palace's maintenance staff.

Palace of Sentiment

The palace has served as both a national treasure for Meridian and a private jewel for the Blackheart royal family.  Far more significant, however, is its place in the hearts of many members of the Blackheart family, built out of love by the riches gained in a fairytale romance and completed by a son wanting to honor his parents’ memory.  

The emperors who were born there have often spoken of the fond memories they had in the Lacustrine Palace, having used the home as a private getaway and personal residence.  Familiar with their larger official homes, they would treat the palace as a simple getaway or play house, where they would invite their peers to all sorts of activities and, in their adolescence, all manner of youthful debauchery.  

Several emperors and one empress were born and named heirs apparent in the palace, and having grown attached to the palace that they’ve come to see as their first home, have used it as a place to raise their own families before they ascended the throne.

Architectural Legacy

Architectural additions to the Imperial Palace and later palaces and public buildings from the Blackheart era would draw inspiration from the Lacustrine Palace. Both the Blackheart family and the many noble houses that copied them agreed that the palace’s architecture reflected a union of styles between the two cultures of the continent that mirrored Meridian’s newfound national identity.  

Lacustrine architecture, the prevalent architectural style used in Meridian and her colonies, gets its name from the Lacustrine Palace and its imitators throughout the capital.

[emmadutton1993]

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For Anyone Considering Being or Using a Sperm/Egg Donor:

"A Guide for Expectant Parent(s) of a Donor-Conceived Child

by Jonathan S. Pollack

Revised Dec. 8, 2018

Introduction:

Having a child and parenting can be filled with exhaustion, frustration, joy, and wonder - often all at the same time - whether a child is conceived traditionally, with gamete donors, or adopted.

In addition to the heightened emotions associated with becoming a parent or parents, parenting a donor-conceived individual may introduce additional complexities that you will have to cope with now and as your child grows. Should you, as the child's parent(s), introduce them to their unique conception story, and if so, when should you do so? With what issues do donor-conceived individuals struggle? Should you be concerned about them ultimately rejecting you in favor of their biological parent(s)?

This document conveys the position of donor-conception from the perspective of donor-conceived individuals, outlining their emotions, successes, struggles, and relationships with important people in their lives, with the aim of helping expectant parent(s) make informed decisions when it comes to speaking with their donor-conceived offspring about this complicated subject.

Secrets vs. Openness:

Not much data on donor conception is available to researchers because the fertility industry as a whole is under-regulated or completely unregulated. Information collected about gamete donors varies from facility to facility. Facilities are under no obligation to follow up with gamete donors to update health and wellness information, and they are also under no obligation to keep records for a set period of time. Gamete donors are promised anonymity by facilities - a promise that cannot possibly be kept given the commercialization of DNA testing. Gamete donors who indicate that they wish to have contact with their offspring can and do change their minds.

About 20% of donor-conceived individuals born prior to 1990 were told that they were donor-conceived. A shift in 1990, perhaps due to greater acceptance of infertility, psychological research, and same-sex couples and individuals without partners becoming parents, meant that nearly half of donor-conceived individuals were told by a parent or parents about the use of donor gametes for conception from that point forward.

Donor-conceived individuals who learned the details of their donor conception later in life or after their social parent(s) died reported that withholding the information about their conception strained their relationships with their parent(s). Learning about their conception later in life introduced or exacerbated genetic mirroring issues (sharing similar physical, personality, and psychological traits with others in your life), brought about PTSD, caused or increased feelings of depression, anger, detachment, and apathy, and initiated a grieving process.

Donor-conceived individuals who were told from a young age about the details of their conception report very few of the aforementioned issues and instead report curiosity about their gamete donor(s) and finding their genetic family (half-siblings, cousins, grandparents, etc.) while still considering their social parent(s) as critical members of their family.

Views of Donor-Conceived Individuals:

Almost all donor-conceived individuals surveyed believe that parents should be open about their child’s method of conception. Almost all donor-conceived individuals believe that they should have the option to learn the identity of their gamete donor(s) and to receive a full and up-to-date health and medical history, and nearly nine out of ten donor-conceived individuals believe that they should be able to learn about the identities of their half-siblings who are also donor-conceived. Over three quarters of individuals surveyed believe that being donor-conceived is a significant part of their identity. These statistics include both donor-conceived individuals who were aware of their conception as children and also those who learned later in life.

Incorporating this information into the child's narrative may be challenging as the parent(s) of donor-conceived individuals; you may feel threatened by your child's exploration of this part of their identity. Donor-conceived individuals recommend that you think of and act in accordance with what is in the child's best interest, seeking professional counseling when necessary.

Telling Your Child Their Conception Story:

Given the information available, it appears that the best outcome for the donor-conceived person emerges from openness and sharing of information related to their donor-conception from the time that they are very young. Doing so at an age-appropriate level turns your conception journey into your family's conception journey, something to discuss together and grow from together. As your child matures, they will have a complete understanding of the choices you made and they will come to you for answers about their conception and biological parent(s). Being honest and upfront will help them with their sense of identity.

Quotes from Donor-Conceived Individuals:

"I have known my whole life [that I was donor-conceived]; while my feelings on the matter do ebb and flow, I have never been okay with it. It always felt like a part of me was missing. That half of me was just blank. I felt hopeless in my 'inherited mystery'. When I found my donor, I felt complete. Even though he wants nothing to do with me, I feel like a whole person and for the first time in my life I have self-esteem, confidence, and I know who I am."

"It’s an interesting space to live in. On the one hand, I appreciate that my parents wanted a child so much that they went through the things they did in order to conceive me, but I’m also annoyed that I don’t have answers about my origins. I hate the anonymity and I wonder about the donor. I don’t see him as my father, but I wonder if he realizes the ramifications of his actions."

"[I'm] glad to have more understanding to a piece that was missing my whole life, but I've lost trust in my parents I don’t know I will regain. It’s also changed my view of the fertility industry."

"I’m fine with being donor conceived, I just don’t like the anonymity."

"You cannot control how your child will feel about being donor conceived, so don't bother trying to do that. Rather, create an environment where your child can be honest with you about his or her feelings, and be supportive no matter how your child feels, even if your child's feelings are upsetting to you."

"Never place your feelings above the truth about your child's life."

"My parents told me when I was 13. I feel like that was a good age; I didn’t feel like my whole life was a lie, but was mature enough to still know my social dad was my dad."

"Never forget that ultimately that baby you are creating is a human being. Be honest with your child early on about how they came to be, because if they find out as adults it’s going to irreparably change your relationship with them. Save as much information as you can about the donor and their health history, and respect their desire to learn about their genetic relatives if they wish, like you would if they were adopted. Finding and building relationships with my new siblings has been the greatest silver lining since discovering my parents lied about who I am for my entire life."

"We’re conditioned to think that all that matters is love; while love is always important, it’s not the only factor to that child's - and one-day-adult's - identity."

References, Stories, and Resources:

https://www.wearedonorconceived.com/guides/we-are-donor-conceived-2018-survey-results/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-family

https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/yw4wzy/the-jarring-experience-of-learning-you-were-conceived-with-donor-sperm-or-eggs

https://eprints.qut.edu.au/737/?fbclid=IwAR3QlXhTYzqSLAJtEb5cMhmtRu1HYVQnSA-7IbVvo0_ocTYd1Tt-B79tGLE

http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/costs-of-adoption-genetic-mirroring/

https://anonymousus.org/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17588957

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