#HE LOOKS SO SAD ILL KMS

[cuntyfieddemon]

wtf i was outside when i saw the crowley dump and i couldnt see the images properly bc there was tm sun. im inside now and i can see everything. crowley. my sweet baby. you are not crying. you cannot be crying. ill fucking kill you get those tears back in!!!! aziraphale are yiu GUCKITN KIDDING ME EHAT ARE YOU DOJNG TO HIM(me)

[greasydumbfuck]

the holy trinity of frank castle character traits. to me

[todayisafridaynight]

word vomit anon back!!!

pirate majima game is funny...watching people complain abt rgg ruining majima is super funny because he's been a silly guy for like 7 games and a serious guy in one...can he not be silly again...just once more??? (also im sure this game is gonna be emotional in some way shape or form) also k3 heads stay in line yokoyama said it was coming one day he never said soon lol

'k3 heads stay in line' PLEAAASSEE VJLKEALKJ youre right tho i cant lie ....

on the real though yeah no like. majima can be serious at times but generally he's a zany guy, it'd be illegal not to capitalize on that in SOME regard

[iiscpr]

second course: 2

[girlivealwaysbean]

dni.

[lateatnewyork]

COLONIZING AT ITS FINEST! 001

pairing: oscar piastri x indian!female!kohli!reader

summary: the indian women's cricket team is in australia the same time as the grid for their ODI tournament. and a certain rookie driver and a rookie cricketer fall for each other.

extra information: reader is kohli's younger sister and is 21, oscar wins the melbourne gp. reader went to a british boarding school so she knows like lando.

ynkohli

liked by BCCIWomens, ishankishan and 547,890 others me n the gang 💯renukasingh (virat's memes are top tier) view comments

viratkohli is that the only photo you could find ➥ ynkohli yeppers landonorris get into finals so i can watch 😞 ➥ ynkohli thats the plan user01 what's lando doing here ➥ ynsno1 yn went to a british boarding school and she met lando in britain when she was out. shes also a huge fan of f1 anushkasharma get the cup !! ➥ ynkohli will do 🫶 user54 why is she so famous compared to other cricketers? /genq ➥ user67 she was an influencer during her teenage years and everybody loved her cos shes rlly funny and shes also virat kohli's sister. mclaren 🏏👀 ➥ ynlover yo wtf ➥ user6 erm what ➥ user08 um renukasingh we ate those photos up ➥ ynkohli realsies!

mclaren

liked by ynkohli, oscarpiastri and 245,765 others i got two tickets to melbourne gp babyy view comments

ynkohli give them to me plsss 🙏 ➥ mclaren bet ➥ user05 IS SHE DATING SOMEONE ON THE GRID ➥ user49 not necessarily shes been a fan since she was a kid danielriccardo COME WITH ME SUNDAY DONT SAY MAYBE ➥ user67 going along with the caption is so him 😭🫶 maxverstappen watch me win... again ➥ lewishamilton hes a bit overconfident? ➥ landonorris ^ ➥ fernandoalonso ^ ➥ georgerussell ^ ➥ charlesleclerc ^ ➥ carlossainz55 ^ ➥ schecoperez ^ ➥ averagef1lover not the whole grid coming after max 😭 ➥ rbrmylove ok but is he wrong ➥ user07 if oscar doesn't win im gonna kms ➥ oscarpiastri dont do that 😓 ➥ user07 HOLY SHIT IM GONNA DIE WTF user03 this is a day after the odi finals 😭 if yn loses shes going to be so sad at the gp

BCCIWomens

liked by oscarpiastri, viratkohli and 350,905 little y/n kohli appreciation post because INDIA IS IN THE FINALS !!!! view comments

user09 what is oscar doing here ➥ ynsno1fan forrealsies user98 SHE DESERVES THIS SM ➥ user05 FR BRO user48 IM SO HAPPY

oscarpiastri

liked by viratkohli, landonorris and 463,218 others little gf appreciation post 💗 view comments

user58 OSCAR SOFT LAUNCHING WAS NOT ON MY 2024 BINGO CARD ➥ user48 SAME cricketlover whats virat doing here? ➥ user52 idk bro f1lover GUYS WHAT IF ITS YN KOHLI ➥ rbrmylove who?? ➥ f1lover shes an indian cricketer ➥ lestappenshipper BRO AND THE BCCI ACCOUNT POSTED AN APPRECIATION FOR YN AND OSCAR LIKED ➥ sixerhitter AND THE CAPTION ON THIS ONE logansargeant youre not slick ➥ oscarpiastri shut up ➥ averagef1fan LOGAN TELL US (ill give u three bucks) ➥ logansargeant I CANT (make it 300 and u have a deal) ➥ averagef1fan logan im broke ➥ logansargeant well too bad then user05 they look so happy in the last photo landonorris yk what big feet mean😉 ➥ oscarpiastri LANDO ➥ danielriccardo LANDO ➥ carlossainz55 LANDO ➥ maxverstappen LANDO ➥ fernandoalonso LANDO ➥ lewishamilton LANDO mclarenfan polite cat has rizz confirmed???

ynkohli

liked by danielriccardo, smrithimandhana and 506,472 others your honor, i love him. view comments

rohitsharma what 😀 ➥ishankishan 😀 ➥viratkohli 😀 ➥hardikpandya 😀 ➥jaspritbumrah 😀 ➥shubmangill 😀 ➥sachintendulkar 😀 ➥rahuldravid 😀 alexanderasaintmleux you both are so cutee ➥ ynkohli nuh uh u r lilymhe ur so adorable ➥ ynkohli stop ily averagef1lover um what are the wags doing here? ➥ user05 i think shes dating oscar piastri cricketlover whos oscar piastri? ynloml NO WAY SHES TAKEN WHAT

f1wagupdates

liked by alexanderasaintmleux, lilymhe and 209,879 others new wag??? oscar piastri spotted in a park with a girl view comments

averagef1lover thats so yn cricketlover yn and oscar?? user05 CRICKET AND F1 CROSSOVER??????? ynlover my two worlds colliding user06 if it was yn tho theyd be so cute f1fan THE WAY HES LYING IN HER LAP ➥ user49 THE WAY HIS HAND WENT LIMP WHEN THEY KISSED ➥ lestappenshipper SKSKSKKSKSK

BCCIWomens

liked by ynkohli, landonorris and 738,952 others THE INDIAN WOMENS TEAM ARE NOW ODI CHAMPIONS!!! view comments

cricketlover WOOHOOOO averagef1lover IDEC IF SHES A WAG OR NOT I LOVE YN ynloml shes so fine 🤭 lestappenshipper theres no way oscar 'polite cat' piastri has the yn kohli rohitsharma 🥳 shahrukhkhan 🥳 arshdeepkaur 🥳 sachintendulkar 🥳 renukasingh 🥳 anushkasharma 🥳 ritikasajdeh 🥳 sanjenaganasen 🥳 saratendulkar 🥳 landonorris IM SO PROUD OF YOU YN

ynkohli

liked by oscarpiastri, suhanakhan and 834,271 others colonized the colonizer ! oscarpiastri comments are disabled

oscarpiastri

liked by ynkohli, logansargeant and 506,783 others i love being colonized 😍 comments are disabled

a/n IM SO SORRY FOR BEING MIA FOR SO LONG GUYS I HAD THE WORST WRITERS BLOCK 😭 this is written for the sole purposes of entertaining me i havent seen and oscar piastri x brown reader anywhere so hopefully you guys like this !!

[iho6hi2]

Infrunami.

Type: Oneshot

Pairing: Matsuno Karamatsu/F! Reader

Summary: Getting kisses from a hot lady? Karamatsu would love that. Almost getting ran over by a hot lady? Not exactly on his bucket list, but Karamatsu checks it regardless.

Warnings: Near Death Experiences, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Light Angst, Drinking, Getting to Know Each Other, Feel-Good, Ridiculous

Word Count: 8,037

A/N: MY HOMESLICE 🧀🧀 Karamatsu deserves someone he can be a flop with T__T BTW Im so insecure about this so pls either give me a 10 page essay on why this sucked or one 'this was cool Lol' otherwise ill kms

Karamatsu ambles near the bridge, his usual hotspot for courting women in this cruel game life likes to call love; or more accurately the place where he stands still like a traffic sign with the hopes of someone giving him the time of day for once (huge spoiler alert: nobody does, as expected).

He chuckles, feigning smug amusement as he runs a hand through his hair in one smooth motion. "The stars must not favor me today, for all of my Karamatsu girls are nowhere to be seen. Heh, if that is the fate of a sinful man, I shall accept it and retreat with peace.''

The looks passersby shoot him border on mentally perturbed and downright horrified, because who the hell monologues atrocities like these out loud? Without being under the influence of something, nonetheless.

With that declaration out of the way, Karamatsu straightens up and decides to head home for the day, deeming it appropriate. What with his love endeavors turning out to be unsuccessful once again, also to no one's big surprise really.

On his way home, whenever the opportunity presents itself, he stops to window-shop every time he passes by a fashion boutique and admires clothes his broke bum probably couldn't afford.

Of course, he attempts not to appear interested, and instead only crosses his arms critically and gives the mannequins clad in clothing the stink eye (even if he's wearing shades of all things) while the workers glance at him warily through the window.

Before another demented sentence is said, suddenly all chaos breaks loose and there are people yelling and instantly he's all too aware of the motorcycle nearing him with each passing second. Karamatsu shrieks so loud he's sure everyone from the next town over had heard him.

"Get out of the way!" The biker shouts and waves a hand to the side for emphasis, and he feels like a fly being swatted away, but even if Karamatsu wanted to move it's almost as if his legs are rooted to the ground.

A wave of panic washes over him and strangely enough there was still enough time for dread to settle in the depths of his stomach. Even if it may be cliché, his life does end up flashing before his eyes － and it's just plain sad how fucking boring it is.

"Get out of the way," you repeat, though you sound more adamant, your tone coated with a sense of urgency.

Ahhh, Mommy! I'll die a virgin, I'll die a loser! Karamatsu cries in his mind. If I survive, I'll get a job, I swear! I'll even stop talking in English, just please! He pleads mentally, to whom is unknown.

Suddenly, you remember that brakes exist and you swerve with such mastery you weren't even aware you possessed up until now, coming to an abrupt stop right in front of your spared victim, tires screeching harshly against the pavement. Karamatsu deadpans, God had a real sense of humor.

He's still frozen in place, barely containing the natural instinct to piss himself. Though he's also pretty sure the urge to urinate will hit him like a shit ton of bricks post-shock.

Fortunately, he's not Ichimatsu and so he doesn't shit himself in front of the cute girl getting off of the motorcycle, even if she barely missed out on becoming his murderer.

You approach him cautiously, expecting the berating of a lifetime. Though judging by his state － him shaking like a leaf despite his thick leather jacket, also not to mention the buckets worth of sweat rolling off him －, you doubt you'll get an earful.

"Are you okay?'' Obviously, he's not. ''You're not hurt or anything, right?''

Karamatsu shakes his head timidly despite not even listening to a word you said. Then, he gulps and raises a trembling hand to his face, lowering his sunglasses just a smidge to take a good peek at you. ''H-Heh, you have, um, nothing to worry about my dear Karamatsu girl..."

You do your best to smile at him in response, but the need to physically recoil is understandably strong. ''Oh, uh, that's good to hear. I'm sorry for, you know, almost killing you and giving you a fright... It happens a lot for some reason.''

You need to get your license revoked, Karamatsu's eye twitches but he smirks regardless, willing to disregard everything that had occurred just because you were one hot lady. Plus, he is a gentleman, if nothing else.

''As if! You have no reason to fret, mon amour. The thrill of living or dying, chasing that high is what makes or breaks a man! Such a thing couldn't possibly scare me."

''Are you sure? 'Cause I'm certain I heard you scream,'' you grin with more teeth than you should. It'd be such a pleasure to knock him down a couple of notches, you think.

''T-T-That was most definitely not a scream, my darling, I assure you! It was but a noise of excitement at the divine gamble, ahahaha, that's all!'' Karamatsu stutters, stumbling over his words.

You blink, positively unimpressed. "You were excited to get ran over?"

After that, an uncomfortable silence stretches between the two of you. You're pulled into reality by the fact that just about anyone could see your number plate, so it was time to leave and flee the supposed crime scene. You're not getting fined for this, hell no. If anything, you're the one who's in desperate need of reparations after this degenerate conversation.

You mount your motorcycle again and look at him with an almost impish smile, ''You have weird tastes, man." And with that last comment, you're gone in the same breath, leaving behind only a cartoonish dust cloud.

Karamatsu's legs give out and he collapses, falling to his knees. Nobody helps him up.

★

Karamatsu doesn't really visit clubs often. Going by himself makes him feel strangely out of place, going with his brothers makes him feel like a circus attraction, though it's not like it has ever bothered him before.

He would usually lie through his teeth and strive to come off as unbothered and remarkably experienced; a well-seasoned veteran among premature ejaculators, but crowded places like these aren't his scene, at all. Never really have been in the first place.

Perhaps that's why he thinks he doesn't belong here as he observes the rest of the partygoers live it up on the dancefloor while babysitting his beer, one sip at a time.

The music isn't even good, Karamatsu frowns and pinches his eyebrows together, deep in thought. Man, did this place fucking suck. How much did they have to cough up in order for others to rate it a 4-star club?

Well, he supposes it doesn't really matter in the end. As long as the booze's good, that's all he needs to forget this horrible day. A 'nice' hangover is all it takes to wipe his memories clean, which isn't much to brag about.

''Oh, it's you!'' Someone exclaims and he whips his head forward before spitting out his alcohol. What are the odds? You point at him, just as shocked as him at this turn of events, ''Mr. Painful!''

Karamatsu chuckles, raising his glass full of beer as a greeting. ''Madame. Charmed to see you here.''

You roll your eyes but that doesn't hinder you from grinning back at him, ''Oh, the pleasure is all mine, trust me.''

''I would hope so. What are the chances of our paths crossing once more? It leads me to believe that this is no chance encounter. Hmph, why it must be fate.'' Karamatsu blabbers on, implementing wild gestures into his dialogue, takes his sunglasses off and his eyes shine with what you presume is a romantic glint.

You cough a little and wipe the bar clean with a towel, ''Yeah, no. I just work here.''

''The universe works in mysterious ways.''

You laugh. ''Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.'' Then, you pat the back of his hand twice. You watch him jump up in surprise and tilt your head to the side, confused.

Karamatsu clutches his hand to his chest, but realizes how fucking ridiculous he must look and simply clears his throat with that same proud expression.

You squint your eyes. ''You're not sick, are you?''

Karamatsu hurries to shake his head, which did nothing but give him a sense of déjà vu. ''N-Non, non! Don't worry your pretty little head over my health, angel. I'm nothing else if not alright, haha.''

You narrow your eyes at him further.

His hands are bundled over his crotch and he has one leg crossed over the other and if Twitter had taught you anything useful at all, it would mean that these are early signs of cock shame. And all of his prior mannerisms, could it be that he is... ''A virgin?''

You did not mean to say that out loud.

Karamatsu's face turns blank for a brief second before he's flapping his hands left and right in firm denial. His face is flushed, panicked, and you swear he's on the brink of tears.

When you said that you wanted to knock him off his high horse, this wasn't what you had in mind, at least not exactly. As a matter of fact, you feel sort of bad for the poor guy.

''Hahaha... What are you talking about, my Karamatsu girl? You should be able to tell by now that a man like me is sought after, which is one of the many punishments I must endure!'' He announces, posing with his index and thumb on his chin, a shaky smile slapped on his sweaty face.

You blink, then prop your elbows on the front bar, lean in and ask, ''And in reality?''

Karamatsu sits back down in his stool, then promptly downs the rest of his beer. ''A jobless virgin who lives in his parents' house.''

You register the somber look in his eyes. You sigh under your breath and open up the fridge, pulling out the same brand of beer he had been drinking until now and pass the bottle to him casually.

Karamatsu looks up at you in disbelief, glancing between you and the bottle of beer frantically. You flick his forehead, ''Drink up, it's on the house just this once.''

Karamatsu stiffens and then smiles gently, rubbing his wet eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, snivelling. ''Thank you, my Karamatsu girl!''

You cross your arms and huff, ''It's [Name]. And besides, I almost ran you over earlier today, it's the least I can do for you.''

''Thank you, [Name].'' Karamatsu parrots himself and happily takes a swig of his new, freshly refilled drink.

You watch him out of the corner of your eye while serving other customers. When a majority of the people disperse, leaving the two of you mostly alone again, you quickly scribble down your number on a napkin.

''Here,'' you call out to him as you hand him the piece of paper. When he shoots you a curious look, you redirect your attention elsewhere in mock embarrassment. ''You seem like fun, let's drink together for realsies next time. My treat.''

Karamatsu gasps, screaming like a banshee with a voice mutation and you think he emotes a strange, outdated gag while leaping ten feet in the air.

His head hits the ceiling but he comes back down just as quick, blood dripping down his face. Planks come crashing down on top of him, somehow on fire, and you clench your jaw. This will definitely be deducted from your paycheck.

★

Karamatsu wakes up, but he doesn't remember how or when he got home.

He ruffles his hair, only to find his broken shades and several bandages wrapped around his head. He attempts to jog his memory and yet the only thing he's able to recall is slamming face-first into a roof and... And...

He sits up and Olympic dives straight into the couch, barbarically searching for that blessed piece of paper which could very well change the entire trajectory of his life.

When he pulls it out of his leather jacket's pocket, he breathes heavily and fakes a falsetto, opting to roll around on the floor in some sort of wild frenzy.

This is it. I'm finally presented with an opportunity to abandon my virgin ways, Karamatsu thinks with a serious expression, shadows covering his eyes dramatically.

He raises a lone victorious fist in the air, cutting through the Matrix itself. Then, Karamatsu gulps and surveys the area, noticing that the living room is empty, which can only mean one thing. Now is the perfect time to plan a romantic rendezvous with you.

Tip-toeing his way to the hall where the landline is located, Karamatsu muttered curse words whenever the floorboards creaked under his weight.

When he reaches the house phone, he gently unfolds the napkin and smoothes out the wrinkles, then sucks in a deep breath and forces his balls to turn into pure steel.

Dialing your number with practiced caution, he bites his nails and anxiously taps his foot. The longer he waits for you to pick up, the more he loses hope.

Just as he was about to hang up and snap back to his miserable reality, maybe cry for an hour or two, your voice croaks out a, ''Hello, who is this? I can hear you breathing, creep. Helloooo?''

''A-Ah, [Name]! This is, uh, Karamatsu.'' He stutters and twirls his hair around his finger. ''I was pondering over the possibility of us taking a stroll together, bathing in the sun and sharing masterful pastries－"

''A date. You want us to go on a date.''

''Yes,'' Karamatsu admits, or rather embraces the simplified idea of it all. ''It's okay if you don't want to, of course, m'lady! I-I wouldn't force you or anything, it's entirely up to you.''

You pinch your nose on the other line, ''Karamatsu, shut up, 'kay? Yes, I wanna go on a date with you, otherwise I wouldn't have paid for your broke ass last night. Now give me a time and place.''

''You do? You actually want to willingly hang out with me?'' He questions and you can practically smell his meekness and self-doubt oozing out of him even through the phone.

''You're the one who hit up my line first, no takebacks hotshot.'' You say, half-joking.

''Why, yes of course. As expected of my favourite Karamatsu girl!'' My only Karamatsu girl up-to-date. ''Obviously, you desire to spend every waking moment together with me, just as much as I do.''

''Time and place, please and thank you.'' You cut him off mid-effusion.

After arranging the date and going over the details, Karamatsu giddily spins and hugs himself. Then, he slaps his face and nods to no one in particular, as a form of confirmation to his invisible hype men.

Choromatsu stares at him judgementally from the stairway, face twisted in its usual sociopathic manner.

Osomatsu leans over in order to whisper in his ear, "What's up with him? He's acting weirder than usual."

Choromatsu scowls. "I don't wanna know, besides if we show interest that means we're going to have to put up with him."

Osomatsu nods in agreement and rubs under his nose with a finger, "True. It's way too damn early for his theatrics." Then, he throws in his assholish laugh for good measure.

The two of them choose to close their eyes and pretend this never happened in the first place, trudging up the stairs and going right back into their shared room without a care in the world.

★

You check the time and grimace. He's awfully late for someone who asked you out first. You wouldn't say you're the most punctual person in the world, but even still you decided to get all dolled up and ended up arriving early for a change of pace.

At first, you didn't mind waiting for him. Life happens after all, right? Maybe something came up last minute and he couldn't put it off, but if that were the case he would have informed you beforehand, right? Right?

You feel as though you're a step closer to becoming a wacko, but suddenly shake your head to rid your mind of such thoughts and smile to yourself. He'll show up, you're sure of it.

But after thirty more minutes of this nonsense, you're on the verge of throwing a tantrum and disrupting the public tranquility because you got stood up. What a fucking jerk, you think and puff out your cheeks.

Just as you're about to leave, maybe actually run someone over and kill them to make yourself feel better and perhaps blow all of your money on cheap gigolos, you stop and widen your eyes at the sight that greets you.

There's no mistaking those sequinned pants and shiny cowboy boots. Your date, with his wounds all gone and miraculously healed, saunters over to you like he's a runway model, catwalking with a bit of an attitude as if he didn't keep you waiting for half an hour.

He halts when there's barely any distance between the two of you, takes off his shades and flashes you his pearly whites which emit an ominous sparkle and you're temporarily rendered blind. ''Sorry for the wait.''

You grind your teeth together and force yourself to grin, ''Don't worry about it, but what took you so long.''

Karamatsu nervously chuckles and glances to the side, looking anywhere but you.

How the hell is he supposed to tell you that he spent most of the time hiding and sneaking peeks in your direction, but simply didn't have enough courage to approach you and that it took him at least twenty minutes to muster it? Simple, he won't tell you.

Instead, he strikes a pose under the nonexistent limelight. ''A star like me is obligated to be fashionably late.''

''Well, the star better make sure it doesn't happen again or it'll be one sad day for your fanbase,'' you threaten with an innocent smile, batting your eyelashes.

Karamatsu gulps and nods, but an invisible light bulb turns on above his head and he snaps his fingers. ''Oh, yes! How can I forget? I got a present for you, my Karamatsu girl."

You 'ooh' and 'aah' in curiosity, while he retrieves whatever he brought along with him in the meantime.

When he pulls out a tank top with his face on it, the exact same one he's wearing as well, you don't know what to say in response. In fact, your brain might actually be buffering.

Have we lost the impact of shame in our modern-day society? You think in disdain, fighting off the pain in your ribs.

He blushes and hands it to you nonchalantly, ''Here, wear this so suitors know not to mess with you. Once they see you and I together, matching garments and walking hand in hand, they shall understand who the one true power couple is.''

You blink twice and slowly accept the gift, then without any hesitation whatsoever you put on the tank top and wear it over your clothes. You're in too deep already, anyway.

''Thanks a lot, Karamatsu. I, uh, don't know what to say,'' you fake flattery at his sincere act of courtesy, though you're not necessarily lying either. You genuinely have no idea what to say to this entire ordeal.

''No need to thank me, sunshine.'' He pirouettes in slow motion and when he stops, he stretches his hand out for you to take. There is an aura surrounding you and you can make out dreamy bubbles floating around him. And where did the harp come from? ''Now allow me to whisk you off to paradise.''

You grab his hand and excitedly lead him to your parked motorcycle. ''Great, let's go!'' You pat the pillion and stare at him expectantly.

Upon noticing his silence, you stop ushering him to the seat. ''What's wrong, Karamatsu?''

He scratches his nape and lets his head droop low. ''Is it... Um, do we have to get on top of that...'' He points a weak finger at the bike and trembles. What can he say, he has a fear of motorbikes now.

You pout at his inquiry. ''What, you don't wanna? But I thought you were into stuff like this. Why else would you wear a leather jacket?''

Karamatsu winces and immediately rushes to pacify you. ''No, no! That's not it! I was testing your limits, my dear Karamatsu girl. I apologize if－''

You laugh and place a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. ''I was just kidding, but if you're really scared we don't have to. It's my fault, after all.''

Karamatsu juts his lip and furrows his eyebrows in determination. He draws a breath and wraps his fingers around your wrist with ease, advancing towards the vehicle with you right behind him.

You gaze at him with something akin to awe, or is it incredulity? He plants himself on the seat and looks back to address you.

''A real man knows better than to turn down a lady and disappoint her,'' he states conclusively. You chuckle and follow suit, sitting down on the saddle.

You grip his arms and move them so they're wrapped around your waist. You twist and turn the key and the engine roars to life in one swoop. ''Hold on tight, [Name] boy.'' You tease his way of talking and take off without a second warning.

His head smacks against your back with a rather rough thud and Karamatsu's clasp around your midsection is already tight enough to cut off your air supply. And even if you feel his tears dampening your clothes, you don't comment on it. Instead, you pick up even more speed and in turn, Karamatsu's hug deepens.

''Shouldn't we be wearing safety helmets,'' Karamatsu yells through the lump in his throat, his ears ringing and head spinning.

You shout back at him, ''Who even wears these things nowadays?'' At the lack of your elaboration, he figures you're dead serious and he's petrified all over again.

You laugh maniacally, or at least you do so in his mind, as you go off course, making sharp turns left and right at every corner to wreak havoc on innocent people's lives.

You narrowly dodge two pedestrians and Karamatsu is finally desensitized enough to smile and blush as he takes in the ever-changing view.

There's something sweet in the way you repeat a certain motion whenever you hear him chuckle and cheer, he can't pinpoint if that's the starving desperation that thirsts for touch and companionship or something else entirely.

But then something punctures your tire and he's pulled out of dreamland all at once.

The two of you wobble on the unstable bike for a bit before you pull him by the jacket and jump off the motorcycle, rolling on the ground like you two were in an action movie. The motorcycle continues on its way without your guidance and eventually crashes into a tree, exploding.

A tire with a flame on it flies over your heads and you study the fire, unimpressed with pursed lips. ''Thank god it was a gift from my ex, otherwise I would've been in some deep shit.''

Karamatsu sinks to the ground and curls up in a ball.

★

You plop your ass on the grass next to Karamatsu, handing him a soda you bought from the convenience store nearby. Karamatsu mutters a small 'thank you' and takes a sip.

The two of you sit in complete silence on the riverbank and you're too abashed to begin talking first, finding the whole outcome to be your fault. You've given this man too many apologies for them to feel truthful at this point. Maybe he should do the most logical thing and start evading you. You deserve it.

Amidst your inner conflict, Karamatsu fixes you with a solemn look and chooses to break the ice. ''[Name], am I ugly?''

Taken aback by the unusual question, you cock your head to the side. ''Huh?''

''Tell me, am I ugly?''

You consider him for a moment longer and then gently cup his face with your hands, inspecting it from every possible angle you could manage.

You narrow your eyes in concentration before ruffling his hair. ''Not at all.''

''Really?''

''Not in the slightest. Well, at least I see the appeal." You shrug noncommittally. ''Why're you asking, though? That pretty much came out of nowhere.''

''Because if I'm not ugly, then why would you want to kill me? Every woman I meet either ignores me, beats me half to death or hates me. Why? Am I really that painful? Is that going to be my fate for the entirety of my life?''

You blink and hum in thought, placing a finger on your chin. ''Very, you're real painful but not enough for me to want to kill you, I guess. I think you just have extremely bad luck.''

Karamatsu frowns and crosses his arms, ''You think so? Is it really just bad luck or is there something bigger at play?''

The two of you ponder over what the real cause of Karamatsu's misfortune may be before your stomachs growl in protest simultaneously.

This seems to revive his alter ego because Karamatsu jolts and he appears pleased, almost as if he had been waiting for this exact same moment. He chuckles and spreads eagle, facing the sun. You're concerned he's going to get a heat stroke.

''It's finally my turn,'' Karamatsu announces, though you're not sure he knows what he's talking about. ''I shall take the princess to an exquisite place, where she can try real fine dining!''

He strokes his imaginary facial hair, winking. Even his eyebrows seem more refined. ''Follow my lead, dove.'' You were going to do just that even without him saying anything, but you salute him regardless.

Even though mere minutes ago it was still sunny, for some reason it's already dark out. You and Karamatsu trek for what must have felt like hours until he stops dead in his tracks. You wonder why until you spot the lonely food stall and smile.

You and Karamatsu make yourselves comfortable on the bench and he greets the owner, ''Yo, Chibita! How's your night been so far?''

It just turned nighttime... You deadpan.

''Y'know, dealing with jackasses of your kind－,'' Chibita scoffs before pausing, turning to you with unblinking eyes. Then, after he's done assessing you, he redirects his attention to Karamatsu. ''You payin' for rental girlfriends again? Get some dignity, man.''

You raise an eyebrow in question, but sneer and hide it with your fist. ''Rental girlfriend? That's a good idea, why didn't I think of that?''

Karamatsu's expression sours. ''[Name] isn't a rental. Besides who are you to talk, Chibimi?''

''Shut up, don't remind me! I was in a dark place, idjit,'' Chibita yells in response and smacks him on the head with a ladle and you watch their antics with a hint of amusement.

''Anyway,'' Karamatsu waves him off, despite the large bump he earned on his forehead. ''Give us the best oden and beer you've got in store, I'll make sure my woman eats right tonight.''

You shudder in surprise as Karamatsu takes your hand into his own, gazing at you with what must be an entire galaxy in his eyes and you wonder where he found those E.T. contact lenses. ''Don't hold back, order whatever your heart desires. It's all on me.''

Chibita complies with the request, serving two portions of oden and the beverages Karamatsu asked for. Though, he can't help but want to sate his curiosity. ''With what money?''

''With the money I exploited from my Mommy,'' Karamatsu boasts like that's something to take immense pride in.

After three to four rounds of drinking and pigging out on Chibita's oden, it was time to wrap up and call it a night.

Karamatsu snakes his hands in his pockets in search of the money he claimed to have, but he freezes as he finds nothing instead. Turning his pockets inside out, a fly flutters out of them and Karamatsu pales.

You seem to get the memo and nod conspiratorially his way.

You square your shoulders as Karamatsu nervously clears his throat. ''Chibita...,'' he begins before throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. ''I'm so sorry, I'll pay you back someday!''

Chibita stands still for a couple of seconds, processing. Afterwards, he lunges over the counter and begins chasing you. ''Damn it, idjit! You promised you'd pay, get back here! Damn it!''

With Chibita hot on your heels, Karamatsu goes through several alleyways as last resort shortcuts, and you come to the conclusion that Chibita is probably really scary if Karamatsu's going through so much trouble just to lose him and shake him off your trail.

"You can put me down now," you grumble and make a face. Karamatsu panics, just now realizing what predicament he had put you in, and sets you down with extra care.

"I apologize for that," he huffs out, attempting to catch his breath with his hands on his knees. You rub his back, acting as his emotional support.

Looking around the vicinity in search for any signs of Chibita, you come up empty. Helping Karamatsu to his feet, you deliver the good news. "He's gone, so you can stop looking constipated."

He sighs, relieved. "Such is the result of an eventful night. However, I will make sure your journey back home is undisturbed."

You shake your head in disagreement and throw an arm around his shoulder. "I think you've had enough, tough guy. Here, how about I take you home?"

Karamatsu seems distraught at the very idea of it, but for your sake he flips his hair and leers. "Your wish is my command."

With his directions, you manage to escort him back to his house safe and sound. Karamatsu opens his mouth to blurt out something, but is caught off guard by the abrupt change in the weather.

You both run with impressive speed under his house's roof to take cover and you deduct that the rain wouldn't be letting up for a while.

"Well, this sucks," you point out the obvious. Karamatsu nods wordlessly.

You think about calling a taxi, but something gets draped over you. You look down and are pleasantly astonished to discover that it's Karamatsu's leather jacket.

Said man is quivering in his flimsy excuse of a tank top, licentiously grinning at you with a very obvious snot bubble emerging out of his nostrils. "C-C-Can't le-let my favorite Karamatsu girl catch a cold." He elaborates for whatever reason.

"Well, I can't keep my favorite [Name] boy out for much longer, either." You give him a brief hug and were about to pull away, but Karamatsu is apparently not done dishing out surprises.

He grips your shoulders with resolve, before leaning in and kissing you on the cheek. It's a quick, demure kiss and if you were to blink, you would've missed it.

Nonplussed by his own boldness, Karamatsu stumbles towards the door with two left feet, barely succeeding in opening it.

"Get back home safely, [Name]!" He bids you farewell in true virgin fashion and slams the door shut in your face. You cackle, violently laughing to yourself and then crack a small smile, pressing a palm to your kissed cheek.

You must look like a fool, standing out in the rain while wearing a loser's clothes, but honestly? You've never felt better after such a tragic date.

★

You sigh and sling a towel over your shoulder, more than a little happy to finally clock out. Tonight had been particularly busy for some reason and working with a slight hangover was far from ideal, but it wasn't something you couldn't handle.

You dab your fellow bartender up, not even bothering to spare him a glance, and begin packing up your things with fervor.

He issues you a sly wink, ''Going home so soon, [Last Name]?''

Get a clue, wise guy. You internally roll your eyes, but only offer an exhausted smile. ''Not necessarily, got to make a pit stop on the way home.''

Akihito, you remember, folds his hands behind his head, rocking on his heels. ''Paying your boyfriend a visit?'' He hums cheekily.

You blink. ''Huh?''

He gestures towards the paper bag in your hands, which barely concealed the shitty leather jacket you were so generously lent.

You furrow your brows and scratch your cheek with an awkward expression. ''Wouldn't really call him a boyfriend...''

Akihito stretches, whining, ''You can be so cold, y'know. I feel sorry for the poor guy.''

''Another word and I'll really make you sorry.''

Akihito throws up a peace sign, grinning from ear to ear. ''Night, [Last Name]!''

You grumble under your breath and throw the towel on the ground. Akihito hears you say something along the lines of 'thought so' and other such death threats, but he feeds off your negativism. He odiosynthesizes and you know that, which makes you feel better about brushing him off, at least.

The walk to Karamatsu's place is as unmemorable as can be, and while it wouldn't kill you to see him again and chat for a bit, you don't think you'd be able to put up with him for long (or anyone else for that matter). When you spot his house, you brace yourself before sharply knocking on the door.

Well, you were supposed to knock but somehow developing last-minute Spidey senses, Karamatsu tears open the door to his balcony and puts a stop to your supposedly evil schemes. ''Don't'!'' He manages to both whisper and scream at the same time.

''What are you doing here at this hour, angel? Trying to get me crucified, perhaps?'' Karamatsu interrogates you and considering how disheveled his appearance is, you reach the conclusion that his fictional persona is merely an afterthought at the moment. You find a peace of mind at the conjecture.

''I'm just here to return your jacket,'' you say like it was obvious, which it should have been.

''I see.'' He doesn't see jackshit. ''But I cannot help but wonder why you didn't call beforehand. I, too, need my fair share of beauty sleep, sweetheart.''

Your eye twitches and you ball your fists, but remember to count to ten in your head.

''For your information, I called three times but maybe if someone bothered to pick up, I wouldn't be robbing you of your sweet dreams,'' you hiss in reply, proud of yourself for not chucking his damned jacket in the trash can in his presence.

Karamatsu rubs the crust from his eyes, though he does appear sheepish to a degree. ''My sincere apologies.''

You scoff, glad to have come out on top at this pointless back-and-forth.

Karamatsu anxiously chews on his lower lip, trying his best to conjure up a plan that will avoid his certain death at the hands of his brothers. Not even for waking them up at three in the morning, but for the mere fact that he was 'romancing' a hot chick.

Then he grins and looks down at you like a mad genius. He couldn't be further from the word.

''Climb up and join me on the roof, [Name],'' he suggests and acts as if it was a perfectly reasonable demand.

You undeliberately blank out for a second before chuckling lowly and nodding in understanding. ''I get it now. You're actually fucking nuts and escaped from a correctional facility.''

Look who's talking, Karamatsu wants to retort but he keeps it to himself. He beckons you over encouragingly, ''Please, [Name] dearest. I promise I won't let anything happen to you. I'll be your guardian angel.''

You're acutely aware that something will definitely happen, so you only click your tongue, still apprehensive about the proposition.

Karamatsu continues to stare at you with that tender smile, though it's different this time. His hair is sticking out in different directions, ungroomed. His eyes are heavy, bloodshot and sleep still clings to him as he staggers slightly in his step. But he's smiling at you, it's real.

You put aside your concerns for now and exhale slowly, biting the handles of your paper bag.

You jump and grab a hold of the portico, flailing your legs to help stabilize yourself. Your fingers burn because this is the most physically exerting thing you've done in your life thus far.

You push yourself up on the portico and, just like a mollusk, inch forward bit by bit. Karamatsu tries his hardest not to laugh at your misery, but he's unable to take you seriously. You're moving slower than an old man with two broken legs, plus you look like you have a stick shoved up your ass.

Once you're a safe distance away from the edge, you extend your arms and Karamatsu takes this as his cue to act and be useful.

He grabs your hands and hauls you up on the balcony, but this quest is not over just yet. You have to conquer the final boss; the rooftop.

''I have an idea,'' you both blurt out at random. You don't care much about that, but Karamatsu is over the moon at the perfect synchronization.

Coincidence or not, the two of you end up cooking up the same strategy.

You get on top of Karamatsu's shoulders and with the sudden added height, reaching the roof is a piece of cake. After settling your ass down on the tiles, you grit your teeth and clasp hands with him for the umpteenth time, having him work his way up as well.

With a heave-ho, Karamatsu is free to lie down beside you.

You're hit with a much needed reality check. All of this over a second-hand jacket? Unbelievable.

Tossing the paper bag on his lap carelessly, you scowl. ''You're welcome, asshole.''

''C-Come on, my dear Karamatsu girl. It wasn't that bad, right?''

''Speak for yourself...''

Karamatsu props up his elbows, craning his head up just enough to be able to see you. ''It's such a shame, however. The view from here is perfect, all that's missing is my guitar. Too bad my precious brothers are sleeping soundly.''

''Yeah, about that. I don't know what any of your brothers have to do with this, 'cause whatever the fuck this was could've been easily prevented.'' You cross your arms and turn away from him, establishing a decent amount of room between the two of you.

''You wouldn't understand, darling. Yes, even if I did give you an explanation.'' He responds, and you feel as though he was reading your mind. You shiver at the sheer thought.

The two of you don't indulge in idle chatter afterwards since you're too busy looking back on all of your previous life decisions, trying to figure out what led you to go down such paths. Karamatsu, on the other hand, is gliding himself closer to you.

You notice his ventures and decide to cut him some slack. You shift, erasing the previous space you set and move a hand to place on his shoulder. He hiccups at the touch and begins stammering, playing with his fingers. ''Hahaha... your eyes shine so brightly under the moon's glow.''

You shush him, still not in the mood to listen to his poetic nonsense and bullshit of similar nature.

The two of you stare each other down and Karamatsu does his best to put up a brave front, but you're not blind and you see the way he peers at you from under his lashes, sweating like a musclehead.

Before things could escalate any further, which you doubt is something that would have happened considering who exactly you're dealing with, the both of you slip off the edge.

You're falling and Karamatsu is too, and while you're mostly accepting of the scenario, he isn't. You're more surprised at the fact that this man-child's shrill wails aren't waking up the entire neighbourhood, though they're probably accustomed to these kinds of phenomena by now.

In order to break your fall, Karamatsu adjusts mid-air so as to be under you. He shoves your face into his chest, embracing you but his actions prove to be the wrong move as they merely speed up the process of nosediving into the concrete.

The two of you flop like prepped meatballs on a grill, a sinistrous thump resonating at the dead of night.

You briefly register the sizzling elbow pain you've obtained and Karamatsu's jaw headbutting you at the last second, but other than that you took it pretty well － all thanks to Karamatsu's interference. Perhaps chivalry isn't dead?

While you got out of this with barely any injuries, just small scratches, the same couldn't be said for Karamatsu, who was currently experiencing concussions.

You pat his chest lightly to snatch up his attention. Karamatsu groans, seeing stars floating above him. You make yourself comfortable despite the joint strains, snuggling up to him. ''I'm egging your house soon, be aware.''

He passes out before he could formulate a coherent reply.

★

You haven't seen neither hide nor hair of Karamatsu ever since the rooftop fiasco. And you don't want to sound needy, or downright crazy for that matter, but you miss the man with horrible pick-up lines and over-the-top attitude. Him and his awful sense of fashion, not to mention the strong cologne.

Perhaps you've been infected with some new kind of mental illness, one so new and fresh out of the oven it has yet to be diagnosed by teenage girls with too much free time on their hands.

First, you visit Chibita for any sort of intel he might possess.

''Karamatsu? Sorry, him and his brothers hadn't stopped by as of recent.'' He shrugs apologetically and whips out oden skewers, serving them to you.

You nod and grin at him in understanding, paying for the food before scurrying away on a full stomach.

Next, you consider what other options you have at your disposal. Calling him has proven to be absolutely useless and you're not sure if paying his house a visit would be a good idea, given how worked up he got over such a possibility last time.

You search far and wide, in every nook and cranny, not leaving a single stone unturned. But alas, no dice. Not a trace of him anywhere and you speculate the probability of him glitching into The Backrooms.

You're about to give up, hunting Karamatsu for sport and worrying about him won't do you any good.

You're not getting paid for this, you also don't know him all too well to be actively seeking him out. His dramatic temperament has rubbed off on you, but you're ready to wash it off.

See if I care, you huff and kick a stray can in your way. You're aware of how childishly you're behaving, but you bluff fake indifference as if anyone would be stupid enough to believe you.

You stomp angrily and punt another can with your foot, but accidentally hit someone when doing so.

You flinch and prepare to half-ass an apology before realizing you hit the man you've been getting grey hairs over.

''Karamatsu?'' You blink and crouch down to shake him by the shoulders. ''Hey, what's wrong?''

Karamatsu weakly smiles and shuffles away, offering you a seat next to him on the curb.

You frown, ''Seriously, what happened?''

Karamatsu laughs, manspreading. ''I'm grateful for your concern, but it's... Well, it's simply a foolish thing to be upset about.''

''If it upset you, then it's not dumb.'' You respond, reassuring him to the best of your ability. ''Now, spill the beans.''

''I've been thinking about my personality, I guess?'' He mutters and cracks his knuckles, he tends to fidget quite a lot. ''Like, am I annoying? Trying too hard? Should I stop?''

You listen to him and stay quiet, occassionally rubbing his back. ''I want to be liked.'' You quirk an eyebrow at that, but don't interrupt him otherwise.

''It's lame at my big age to want to be popular, but I wanna be kissed. I wanna have a girlfriend and go on dates, but I'm afraid my personality will drive everyone away."

For fuck's sake, he was called Shittymatsu and frankly, he's surprised you were able to withstand him for so long.

''Karamatsu, want me to be completely honest,'' you ask. He nods rapidly at you. You hum softly, ''I didn't lie before, you are painful. You say so much corny stuff, I'm impressed you can even look yourself in the mirror.''

He cringes, but you pay him no heed. Instead, you continue, ''I mean, really? Who wears tank tops with their face slapped right in the middle, what a fucking dork. But, y'know, I kinda like it now.''

''Huh?''

''I think that type of shit grew on me, for better or worse. I, too, have become a member of the cornball community." You admit and you shudder at your mushy honesty.

You rub the back of your head in embarrassment, "When you say all of these dumb nicknames and act like you own all of Akatsuka Ward a small part of me wishes I die on the spot, but I don't necessarily hate it.''

You hug him and bring him closer to you. You snicker and peck him on the forehead, ''Don't worry so much about who ignores you or hates you is all, when you have someone who likes you despite every cringe one-liner right in front of ya.''

''You're right.'' Karamatsu returns the hug, sniffing and holding back tears. ''[Name]?''

''Yeah?''

''You're a true Karamatsu girl.''

Getting kisses from a hot lady? Karamatsu would love that. And the prospect of you being the one to give them to him, with that warm smile which makes your nose crinkle up, makes the scenario sound even better.

But for now, he's content with you simply pressed up against his side, where he can easily peer over at you and study your face until it's burned and etched forever into his brain. Subtly, of course.

You look up at him with a raised eyebrow after feeling him drill holes in your head since forever, which in turn leads Karamatsu to let out an urbane chuckle and lamely pretend to fix his stray strands of hair, and you can't help but snort at his usual theatrical character.

You sigh and rest your forehead against his. "Painful," you mumble under your breath, though definitely loud enough for him to hear, then giggle.

Karamatsu playfully frowns in response. "My flower, you should know by now that no pain means no gain." He tuts with an exaggerated wag of his finger, eyes animatedly glittering.

You laugh in utter disbelief before shaking your head, wrapping a loose arm around his waist. "Sorry, sorry. You know damn well I don't mean it, right?"

Karamatsu hums and his lips curl upwards to form a small, fond smile. He places his chin on your shoulder and you lean into him even more.

Yeah, Karamatsu could get used to this. For now, that was more than enough for him.

Getting kisses from a hot lady really would be nice, but watching the sun set on the cold pavement with you next to him feels good, too. And hey, you are a hot lady, so what's there to hate?

And to think all of this was thanks to your irresponsible driving.

Osomatsu whistles, nudging Choromatsu as they stared at the two of you from afar. Despite their earlier sentiments, curiosity got the better of them and they decided to investigate their brother's own private time. It's not like he could file a restraining order against them, he would be tortured.

"Kudos to Karamatsu, I actually salute him for managing to bag a real human being. Didn't think he had it in him." Osomatsu snickers, hands deep in his hoodie's pockets.

Choromatsu appears depleted beyond belief, eyeing you both with evident disapproval on his facial features, "What sort of lobotomized romance was this? Felt more like a simulation."

Osomatsu and Choromatsu sigh, both fully synchronized, and groan out, "It should have been me."

[dontkickmyshin]

i've been rereading weak hero season 2 since the latest chapter dropped and i have some things to say about donald

spoilers under the cut

okay first of all i am so fucking pissed at seopass😭😭i can't really say much about the storytelling aspect of choosing to allow donald to die but honestly it does feel very sudden and just unfair to his character. perhaps the suddenness is my reaction because all this time it seemed like he just couldn't die, then he had had the whole arc in the final battle where we finally see a vulnerable side of him and get his full backstory, then all of a sudden he dies?? it just feels so incomplete, like the build up was for nothing🙁🙁🙁.

second of all, i'm only realising just how sad his backstory is now that i'm rereading it.

it's not just about his mother being ill, his father being abusive, and being bullied in school but also the loss of innocence in young donald. at first he was so sweet and cute, but by the time he's thirteen, he's also got a whole baby gang going, beating people up and even doing breaking and entering in one instance, taking his step father's money. then he exposes the dirt on his ex teacher and had myles joo and his boys beat him up, and smash his car outside of the school.

it also reminds me of how much donald has grown- now he would never b&e or smash an adult's car so recklessly (though ofc he did it originally knowing he couldn't get the police called on him). though still heavily involved with delinquents, violence and crime, his methods have refined as he grew, and you can see him become more calculated and less uncouth. despite the maturity of his actions at 13, in a way they're still childish, and it's a reminder that even if he's acting tough he's still a baby🙁🙁

while i was glad to watch those people get their comeuppance, i honestly felt so heartbroken watching their callous and flippant nature to crime. like, he literally has a baby face!!! he's like 5'0!!! and he's here stomping people in alleyways and committing burglary?!!! it reminded me of kaz brekker from SOC for some reason, who was innocent and naive till he had to grow up at 12 or 13 and started hustling people in gambling dens and getting in trouble with the law.

it hurts to watch how cruelly he was treated by his teachers and his schoolmates because of his poverty, and how no one did anything about it because it was just normal to them that in a school full of rich kids, it was just a given that donald was considered less than trash. then at night he was kicked out by his step father so he could cheat and drink and he had to wander around yeongdeungpo all on his own in the cold, hungry, and huddle under an apartment block?? ARE YOU JOKING😭😭

he changed so much due to the circumstances of his situation and he grew into something no one should ever have to. he isn't just strong and smart and always five steps ahead becaude of his natural talent (though that definitely helped), but because he had to be. doing badly has never been a choice for him. he needs it to survive. i've always liked donald, and i've always suspected this about his character, but hearing it be confirmed just makes me like him more.

it's so sad realising how everything about him was manufactured to fit his image- his piercings, his hair, his clothes, his tattoos, his image, the way he talks- he didn't even LIKE any of them, but they just became a part of who he was nevertheless. thinking about the way he found his tattoos repulsive when they were all over his body, and were the first things he saw whenever he looked in the mirror must've been so painful to him. but he probably thought being affected by it made him weak so🙁.

and finally, the end where it shows his attachment and love for his inner child who was never loved or taken care by anybody and had to fend for his own. the image of the older donald, covered in tattoos taking care of his small, crying younger self is so powerful😭😭like look at this i wanna kms

i wonder in another life how donald na would turn out if none of these things happened to him🙁🙁he wanted to be a NASA engineer you know🙁🙁🙁😭😭😭he had his own dreams

other things that i noted were that donald actually changes in public a lot. like seriously a lot....first on the rooftop then in the library, like this guy was just stripping at every opportunity.

and also that him not inviting gilshin and jimmy bae into the union was done on purpose as a technique to make them more willing to join? what?? that's so smart😭😭

i also found out this way that myles was a member of the union before it was even called the union?? like they rode together for three years and donald still beat his ass like damn! he is unsentimental.

i'm going to write something about the funeral chapter but that deserves its own post

[asherthehimbo]

I may be on semi- hiatus but ill never leave u pookies during a comeback so MY REACTIONS

Runners

FELIX INTRO???

OH MY FUCK I LOVE THIS SONG

CHANGBIN COMING IN THEN HAN

CHANS VOCALS THE HYUNJINS OMDDD

GOAT???? OH MY SOULLLLLLL

"feeling edgy watch me take it all" OMS

PREACH BINNIE "CAUSE ALREADY I KNOW I CAN HEAR THE W'S"

WE RUNNING TO THE END ALL DAY AND NIGHT WE FLYYYYYY

CHANS VOCALS AND FELIX'S DEEP VOICE MIXED AT THE END THE WHOLE SONG WA SIN ENGLISH AND THE LYRICS CHANGBIN PREACHING I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

THE GOAT WE'RE STUNNING🗣️🗣️🗣️

Stray kids

RAAHHH IM SO EXCITED

okay slow intro

sounds like its gonna be nostalgic

FELIX VOCALS

🗣️🗣️

"WE DO WHAT WE WANNE DO THE MESSAGE THROUGH OUR MUSIC" TELL EM INNIE

OKAY SEUNGMINNIE

AND THEN HANNIE

STRAY KIDS STILL GONNA ROCK ON THE HELAVATOR🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

"WE STIL STRAY WE ALWAYS STAY ON THE LONELY STREET" OH MY DAYYYSSS HOLY FUCKKKK

"KNOW THAT THIS IS WHO WE ARE THERE AINT NO LAST STEP OUT" THEY SILENCED THE DISBANDMENT RUMORS WAHHH I LOVE THEM SM

Mountains

IT STARTS OF STRONG OKAY INNIE

FELIX RAPPING WITH I. N VOCALS IN THE BACK IM GEEKING

"HEAVY AND IM PROUD, BACKBONE NEVER SUFFERING"

CHANGBIN AND HYUNJIN RAPPING RAAHHHHH

SEUNGMIN RAPPING RAAH IM ENDING IT ALL MY SON OH MY DAYSSS

MOUNTAIN MOUNTAINS🗣️🗣️

CHAN VOCALS OMD

"I FEEL THE AIR VIBRATING SO LOUD" (i feel smthn else vibrating)

HELLO SWITCHING BETWEEN BINNIE HAN AND HYUNJIN OH IM TWEAKKINGGGG

"I RULE THIS PLACE NOBODY CAN HANDLE ME HANDS OFF"

"I DOMINATE THE GROUND, THE ECHOING SURROUND, JUST FEEL THE AIR VIBFATING SO LOUD""THIS CLOUD NINE WE'RE AT THE TOP"

OH MY DAYS THAT END WAS SO GOOD RAAHHH FELIX AND IN MIXING THE DEEP VOICE AND VOCALS

I like it

HELLO?? IT SOUNDS FUNKY THEN SEUNGMIN COMES IN

OMD ITS A SEXY SONG "pushing me futther pulling me closer some sorta of chemistry"

HELLO

FELL OFF MY SEAT

"I think im addicted to the tittle 'you&me'" AND IF I KMS

YES MINHO SING MY FAVORITE PART

CHAN WITH "yeah I love that I like you but I don't wanne love"

this song feels like hanging out inna pool with ur situationship in the summer

OOHH I LIKE IT OOHHH I LIKE IT

"lets not go official we can keep it you and me" I WILL KMS CHRISTOPHER DONT PLAY WITH ME

BEFORE WE LOVE, WE LOVE THIS FEELING BABE🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

JJAM

OH I CAN ALREADY TELL THIS IS GONNA BE A FUN SONG

FINGER LICKING YEAH🗣️🗣️

GO BINNIE WE LOVE A BINTRO

SEUNGMIN INTROING HYUNJIN THEN FELIX HELLO HOLY SHIT YALL SPITTING BARS AND THEN MINHO AND HAN VOCALS

THE ELECTRONIC BREAK DOWN

OH SHIT NEW DOMINO

"ITS OUR PLAYGROUND ITS GETTING CROUDED"

SEUNGMIN N I. N AGAIN

I GOTTA MOVE, LOOK AT MY GROOVE🗣️🗣️🗣️

SAY WOAH

I KNOW YOU KNOW WE KNOW

HAN AND CHANGBIN THROWING TO EACH OTHER

SO JUST SPREAD IT OUT

PLEASE ILL BUY THIS JAM DONT EVEN PLAY WIT ME

Twilight

the soft intro

IT SOUNDS OLDEN TIMES LIKE THE RECORD SOUNDS WITH THE PIANO??

HAN VOCALS STARTING

THEN MINHOOOOOOII

"did the temperature of you and me burn so hot it turned into ashes" IS WILD HAN HOW DARE YOU

"without a trace only black ashes remained becoming a sad memory that only we know" IS BARSSSS OMD

I CANT WITH THIS SONG IM ALREADY CRYINGGGG

"I thought I deleted ut but when I think of you I cry without fail" yho so real im geeking

"my tears increased and sleep decreased" RAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"will I see your traces? I want to but your footprints had already left" WAHHHH

CHK CHK BOOM

WOLVERENE

RYAN ON THE NEWS

get that man some toiletpaper. RAAHH I LOVE THE INTRO

HYUNJIN IN THE RED LOOKING SO RELAXEDDD

LEEKNOW IN GREEN LOOKS SO GOOD

AND FELIX WITH THE SILVER AHIR AND BLUE LIGHTING

HAN STARTING IT HE LOOKS SO GOOD IM GEEKING

"sick of this life uts regulat" EAT CHANGBIN

RAAHH AND WITH THE PURPLE HAIIRRRR

SEUNGMIN SNIPER ERA??

RAAHHH CHRIS WITH THE LOW DRAWLL IM TWEAKING I CANT HANDLE THIS HE LOOKS SO GOOD TOOO

HYUNJIN MY CUZZIE U LOOK SO GOOD IM GONNNA CRYYYY RAAHHH THE RED SUITS U SM

"LOBOS WE CANNOT STOP HUNTING " 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

PLEASE I CANT DO THIS LEE KNOW UR DOING SO WELL

THEN HAN WITH MORE RAPPING

AND CHANGBIN ROLLING HIS R'S

HELP I. N CALLING RYAN

AND THE SEUNGMIN DOING THE LOW DRAWL LINE CHAN DID OH IM GEEKING

PLEASE FELIX THEN CHAN DOING THE CHORUS

MY BULLET GOES TANG TANG TANG🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

(listened to the festival version, it goes just as hard, I WILL appear in the club it plays)

FULL ALBUM

Honestly my notes are shorter compared to usual but thats cuz I literally have NO words like AT all HOLY SHIT they made us wait and it was so worth it im geeking its such a good album

[carmenized-onions]

Yap sheet live and in color pt 2!! Um ily this is so fun im actually having such a good week and the fact that U updated also just makes it even better 🫶🫶🫶 also i think to maybe see if it doesn't make the ask so super long on like feeds imma try this with no spaces between maybe idk

1.) This is literally from the tags i haven't even started reading, but hurt,,, some comfort??? UGH okay off i go

2.) WAIT THE OTHER SHOE THING IS SO FUCKING BRILLIANT ONION WTF

3.) Lowk forgot i was doing this for a sec bc im waiting for water to boil cause im making dinner rn BUT OH BOY DID THIS BRING IT BACK FOR ME

CARMY CALLING RICHIE A DEAD BEAT MAN ILL BEAT UP THAT LITTLE RAT BOY i love him so much it hurts but ill kick his ass fr like just bc ur hurting doesnt mean u make everyone else hurt (even tho thats how he was raised :< anyways thats 1 L for carm major L

4.) YEAHH RICH FUCKING SPEAK ON IT SPEAK ON ITTTT oh uh oh not tony catching strays rip us. Double uh oh coming from carmy. Also carmy thats another L don't do richie like that :<

5.) I fucking love you :< AND THEN FOR HIM TO SAY RICHIE IS NOTHING LIKE FUCK RIGHT AWF L MAJOR L

6.) Yk what this chapter is going to be endless Ls for carm i can already tell but :< the whole oh are you gonna fix him too?? Like I can just feel and see like the hurt radiating off of him thru the screen like he's clearly so affected by all the stuff he saw but :< thats still not an excuse CARMEN

7.)The fact that Tony feels like she needs to prove herself, that she can take it, makes me very :<

8.) Also like I'm intrigued bc it almost feels like more than Tony just not charging them for the services out of like the goodness of her own heart or guilt over not being there for mikey like i originally thought like theres something else going on there i am ✨️confused✨️

9.) Noooo not Tony thinking she did something wrong :<<<

10.) i fear im going to jump off a bridge at this rate bc WAAAAAAA carmy is obviously so upset and he CLEARLY doesnt know how to handle that he IS SO ME

11.) MAJOR L MAJOR L

carmy im coming for you count your days that was so uncalled for Carmen what the FUCK onion im coming for u bc I just know I would be sobbing on the floor if carmen said that to me like especially bc Tony very obviously blames herself already :<

12.) Okay my noodles are done so BUT im mildly confused is all this carmy pov happening right after he yelled actually i just glanced back and yes it is and i will say i am glad carmy is at least A LITTLE self aware and that he's completely off the rails anyway

13.) :< i want my comfort neow right neow onion this is making me so sad (im on like point 7) also verbal confirmation that tony is crying like this isnt even a carmy specific L this is just an L

14.) Carmy just major self loathing makes me sad like yes he did this to himself but also like this is just the only way hes ever been shown how to express himself and ugh this better end with him going to therapy (i know it wont)

15.) Um so i read all of tonys thing just now i think uh anyway im gonna kms now tony thinks he hates her :< i really want my comfort now

16.) I know carmy doesnt deserve comfort but also i think he does a little is that too much to ask for

17.) Also the whole heart to heart with Richie makes me so :< i dont have a lot of coherent notes to write except for :< like im very :< right now

18.) Also i LOVE that tony is going to go to the fucking eras tour with richie and eva i LOVE that anyway um ACK ACK ACK

19.) ALSO ALSO ALSO like UGHHHH richie telling tony its not her fault mikey died and them commiserating is so fucking AGH

20.) STOP THE BANTER wait pause

21.) firstly um tony STILL looking out for carmy warms my heart thats fucking cold bc u KILLED ME anyway

22.) Right. UGHHHHH the banter has me just a touch :> bc like syd and tony dogging on richie is so :>. But overall im still :<.

23.) Stop not mikey thinking that tony and carmy would be a good match :< also like i feel like that *kinda* confirms that tony and mikey didnt have a thing bc why tf would he say that if they ever did but anyway

ONION TONY AND CARMY BETTER FUCKING TALK IN THE NEXT ONE IM SO FUCKING SERIOUS

As always i adore you and your writing even if i almost sobbed reading this one there were actual tears in my eyes and i never ever ever cry reading stuff or consuming media so fuck you so hard for that one

🫶🫶🫶 till next time pookie

LETS. GET. INTO ITTT.. Yap Sheet from Just Dropped, I'm excited to hear your thoughts on Something to Do!! Unless you already did-- And I'm just real fuckin slow to churn through my inbox.

THE NO SPACES SEEMED TO HAVE WORKED??? I hope that was easy for you, on your end-- If it's not, simply destroy people's pages it's fine we ball.

I did the.... some comfort because I was like... It does definitely hurt-- Comfort wise, it's definitely there, but you just don't really get it from the person you want it from, yknow?

AND THANK YOU-- I was very happy, when I realized the silly other shoe bit I could do. fun hat trick on my part.

DEAD BEAT BROOOO-- I can't remember if I added that or if it was in the original dialogue. I think I added it? I remember needing a transition line, to get into it-- It was like the Carmen equivalent of Richie's okay donna-- WOOF

I'll just do one point, for the Richie side of the fight, as I the writer don't have much to say about it but yeah it was-- Shit was brutal. It was very interesting to look at the freezer fight again with the perspective of Tony in mind and going,,,, huh,,,, they could both be talking to her, in this. The You're Nothing really also-- I wonder if Carmen will ever actually say that to someone, in canon. I don't think he could. But also they might just be saving it for the biggest explosion.

Writing Carmen's dialogue for this was very tough and interesting, for me-- Because like-- With the information he had, I kinda got it. Like yes 100% self-destructive tendencies but also I think I could sympathize with like, essentially him thinking he was basically some sort of manic pixie to be fixed by Tony. He was wrong, but like-- I get the concern. He shoulda voiced it better but I get him.

YEAAHHHH, YEAAHHHH Tony before this chapter for the most part I think only displayed the good/quirky parts about being the anxious helpful hero type, and this chapter and onward I think really got into the genuinely self-destructive behaviours of her thinking she needs to be able to take shit.

There was in fact, something going on there. With the invoice. LMAO. Tony's nice but she understands the power of a dollar

The repeated 'did i do something wrong' across multiple chapters-- Fuckin, in anything 'did i do something wrong' will always fucking get my ass. Like it's just so. It's. I'm, I'm fuckin sweatin just thinking about it. It always hurts.

CARMEN MAJOR L MOMENT ABSOLUTE L.

It's funny that while writing that line, I had always planned for that line to be like, the spinebreaker but I was worried, when I had actually put it to paper, that readers were somehow not gonna think it was that bad. I'm glad everyone thought it was horrifically bad. He fucked up there.

I won't comment much on Carmen's POV because there's some surprises I have in stock, for you, with that-- But I do agree. I think Carmen is typically slow to realize he fucked it-- But when it's something like that and everyone has a volatile reaction-- He's gonna know immediately that it's over.

Here's the thing, I can't show you any lines from the next chapter, because literally every single line is a spoiler for what the chapter is. but I've realized actually I can show you an old draft-- This was from the original list of the seven things.

I took this out, inevitably, but I did really like the idea of like... Realizing that this moment isn't just a now fuck up, it's a forever fuck up.

14. both of those fuckers went right on the self-loathing train. What could we expect from them? Choo choo, mf.

16. I hate to tell you this. He's gonna have a terrible time. I'm not letting that motherfucker catch a break. You'll see what I mean, in time.

17. WHY'S THE HEART TO HEART MAKE YOU FROWN--- I mean I get it but like BITTERSWEET RIGHT? RIGHT? ANYONE?? IS THIS THING ON?? Do you think the writers knew when they wrote season 2 and Richie getting Swift tickets they knew those things were gonna be like 3000 dollars a pop. I feel like they didn't. I like to go back and read this bit, from time to time. I just really like Richie and Chip. Am I a Rich/Chip believer? Honestly. A little bit I think. I have a wandering eye. I think.

21. Tony will always look out for Carm. It's so lame. get UP girl be PETTY-- HAUNT HIS ASS!!! DO A HAUNT!!!!

23. I love that you say kinda. I love that know one trusts me with a slight confirmation. I have poisoned the water mistrust and I love that.

I'M HONOURED TO GET YA MISTY-- MEANS A LOT, I hope you enjoy/enjoyed the next one. Love you fuck you sorry not sorry at all my bad your fault hugs and kisses THANK YOU BYYYYEE

[iheartsyaosaku]

Clear card pros and cons (that i can remember i need to reread it again)

Pros:

SYAOSAKU DATING ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

idk more content around our fave characters (though not as much but take it as you will)

The wierd ass technology update all of a sudden everyone has iphones (minus syaoran)

It picked up from the og ending where syaoran comes back from hong kong

SYAOSAKU DATING 🥹🥹🥹

SYAOSAKU WENT ON A DATE ‼️‼️

Unlocked sakura new swag (at the cost of ending her cardcaptor retirement…)

(Anime only) english dub actors of trc syaosaku voice ccscc syaosaku i thought that was pretty cool (syaoran sounds like maybe he went through puberty a little too early but thats okay)

(Anime only) SYAORAN SPEAKS FRENCH IN THE ENGLISH DUB

cute art style

Maybe just me but sometimes i get a little emotional seeing sakura in her daily life in middle school because its like !! Wow i remember when you were in 4th grade and now you’re in 7th grade im so proud of you sakura 🥹

Momo (new mascot to make marketable plushie off of)

(Anime only) MEILING COMEBACK ‼️

THE SYAOSAKU SONG HOSHI NO TEGAMI 😭😭😭😭😭 BEST SONG EVERRRR WTF SYAORANS SINGING VOICE IS SO!:?:)/$/? THEYRE SUCH A GOOD DUET

SYAOSAKU DATING. Btw. Theyre a couple. Theyre dating and theyre in love.

Cons:

KAITO.

New characters who happen to be mediocre

Akiho is literally just a carbon copy of sakura who is just sad (they refused to touch on the different aspects of her like reading books, singing and from kong kong only very rarely)

Kaito fucking sucks literally worst ccs of all time and THATS A LOT saying theres literal PEDOS in the fucking show but theyre all background characters but they can also piss off

Tbf i got confused along the way

Too many plot holes

Syaosaku angst

Syaosaku couldnt touch for a while 😔

Anyway why did yelan do that (referring to point above)

Some shit does not make sense

Tsubasa/xxxholic references (this is for you oomf)

Syaoran???? Is part of the “im keeping things from sakura” gang???? And it sucks so bad (yes it got resolved in the later half BUT IT STILL SUCKED)

TOO MANY THINGS KEPT FROM SAKURA JUST TELL HER DAMN

pushes most characters from the og manga aside to focus on akiho and that man 🙄🙄🙄

Clamp forces us to care about them but in reality we really do not gaf

(In reference to point above) Clamp sees that and pushes the nostalgia tactics/references sometimes and its lowkey tiring

The part where the syao/saku/tomo were reminiscing that fuck ass teacher made me ill i genuinely wanted to kms

Still hasnt gotten rid of their p*do ass shit thanks clamp very cool (sarcasm)

Did i mention that the og characters were pushed back? Because they really were

Akiho felt more of the main character of this story instead of sakura

Tbh not much happened in the entirety of this manga ESPECIALLY considering time shenanigans

Im still mad that syaoran hid stuff from sakura tbh

HOW CAN I FORGET THE UGLY ASS “YUNAAKI IS SIMILAR TO SYAOSAKU” PARALLELS AND HOW BADLY IT PISSES ME OFF

syaosaku dont look but theres an ugly bitch trying to be like you (yunaaki)

Yunaaki becoming borderline canon despite it being a toxic and p*dophilic ship

Kaito still exists in this fucking story and got a somewhat happy ending (befriending syaoran dont piss me the fuck off)

COMPARING KAITO TO SYAORAN KYS @ CLAMP

Kero/tomoyo/yue/nakuru/spinnel basically everyone magically involved is pushed back basically useless until the final act (i think i mentioned the character pushback before)

Still major plotholes

Yamazaki tells the truth now

Touya got whitewashed

Akiho still has too many similarities to sakura it still pisses me off. Why cant they make her her own character

My girl sakura developed anxiety

MY BOY SYAORAN DEVELOPED DEPRESSION

angsty ass middle schoolers

Didnt like the scene where sakuras grandad was basically throwing shade at syaoran comparing his romance with sakura to … sakura’s fuckass dad grooming her mom. What

Syaoran calmed down a bit i miss when he was chaotic af but whatever #middleschoolerthings

Season 2 is taking forever to release good lord

[annestravels]

Days 23 & 24, Foncebadón and Ponferrada

Ears popping from altitude, I continue to work my way westward through terrain that looks to me just like the western mountains of Maine, a vast range of rolling, rounded, green, tree covered mountains.

The culmination of this stage of the Camino is the Cruz de Ferro, or Iron Cross, elevation 1,520 meters and the highest point above sea level on the Camino Frances.

A replica of a structure built in the 11th century as a way finder for pilgrims , the cross sits atop a mast which is surrounded by an enormous rock pile. Many pilgrims carry a stone with them that represents a personal burden, and they leave this stone at the cross, thus abandoning their load. Others pay tribute to their children or other family members by leaving a stone behind to honor them.

I am carrying a small heart shaped stone given to me by Heidi, in remembrance of sweet Tom Mac, who we lost eight months ago today. I had planned to do a shot of our favorite whiskey when I delivered the stone here - Tom and I loved to drink whiskey together - however during my ill-fated visit to Pamplona earlier in this Camino, the whiskey nip exploded in my backpack. So there were no shots of whiskey this morning.

If Tom were here, I know he would be cheering me on, and would likely be joining me in my final 100 km next week. It brings me both sadness and joy to know this stone and token of my friend, whiskey doused, will be here forever. Rest in peace dear friend.

[zooone]

heh bringing the jjk discussions into your blog

what… did you think about the ending… evem though i hate that like peoples death just got revoked i think its nice that they didnt bring gojo back and sukuna went north and changed his ideals with uraume

i think the ending was so rushed though because uraume and sukuna never got an explanation or whatever and heian era never got explained …. but boo… shonen jump just had to rush gege… fuck you…. but i still like the ending i think too many people were hating on it

“i have love and dreams too!” STOP. KMS. WHY DID NO ONE REMEMBER GOJO NOT EVEN A FUNERAL OR NOTHING NO GRAVE 😭😭😭yknow what would have been fire putting his grave next to sugurus PLEASE please.

and what was with getos hair bro. what was he trying to do. what was gege really trying to do there. he was literally edging us

imagine jjk two happens and some kid swallows the last finger and

i mean i guess everyone is moving on and thats the main basis of the last chapter (except mahito)

at least theyre all happy ill miss them all

wait my goat i forgot to make a new ask for u ... im sorry school is kicking my booty bro

i think ..... it was something. i always look at stuff like this from 2 perspectives .. a viewers perspective and a writers perspective u know.

from a viewers perspective FUCKKKKKK GOJO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 COME BACK PLSSS hashtag jjk 272 .. but from a writers perspective i like the commentary that gojos fears did come true and people did forget about him and even though like the whole world shifted when he was born, when he died it was like nothing. even as their teacher or as their friend or anything, it just showed that lack. but he did do what he wanted, he did raise a bunch of jujutsu sorcerers that would be better than the higher ups and such. but its just like .. so sayad

i agree id love a sukuna backstory i feel like its all he lacks. i dont want a super sad sob story or anything but like he just has no motive. he just HATES weak people and thats it 😭🙏🙏

BRUHH THEIR GRAVES ARE NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN MY HEAD OK. .... bruh shoko literally goes to their graves every fucking day bruh trust me bruh

NO LITERALLY WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUTTT??? WHATT

yeah .. at least theyre all happy .. sighhhh ....

[squiglluwu]

Just lost a friend over her looking at my socials then her complaining about how dare I post about cnc stuff when real people get raped... like that's why it's consensual non consent and a fantasy, not non consent...

I'm sad but I'm also so pissed off, she was saying how dare I try get disability allowance when there are homeless people, like what... you know there are also disabled people that need disability help (like me) who don't have it yet.. she said I was commiting fraud by trying to get disability allowance for being disabled... like ye my parents have money... so? You want me to just be shackled to them until they die? Then what? Can I get help then? Like what? I'm just supposed to dangle from me declining life cord until I'm "allowed" to ask for help. I'm so upset.

The only work I'll be able to do is online stuff which is why I'm trying to do OF stuff.. and then she said you're able to manage a bunch of social accounts daily and how that's harder / as hard as working... and like how fucking mad am I, I only have enough energy to schedule stuff maybe once a week or twice if I'm doing good and even then it uses up all the energy I have for a few days.

It makes me sad and angry that she doesn't understand how difficult things are for me, like she was comparing herself to me without understanding me at all, just because we have a similar disability doesn't mean we have the same degree of disability.

She was basically like I can do this job but I want to kms so why don't you work and want to kill yourself instead of applying for disability cuz that's fraud cuz you can technically work. Ye but ill just off myself after 2 months of working...

I'm currently sad af that I lost her but like it's probably for the best :/

I wanna mention that she's a destiny enjoyer and the way that she argues and stuff is so similar to how he does, it's gross...

[troph4eum]

yet another rant lol TW// talkin ab suicide n shit like that this is a sad one

so im not gonna get too specific w this one cuz its honestly jus a bunch of mess ion want strangers on the internet knowing but like a series of events have transpired and honestly they've left me feelin hopeless like idk rn its looking a bit more up but this honestly isnt the direction i want my life to be going. idk ab the rest of yall but it feels like my life has been a series of waiting for shit to happen w the promise that itll get better once that thing happens. but every time it gets to that point its basically the same as it was before.

and honestly i just need to come to terms with the fact that im always just going to be sad because of MDD like theres literally nothing i can do about it my mind is just wired to be hopeless type shit. and now its like all the options that i used to have have been stripped away from me all at once and its all coming to a head and like i rlly dont know what to do. i only got like 2 ppl who im rlly close to rn everyone else left due to one thing or another and in all honesty it sucks. like i love those 2 ppl w all my heart dgmw but damn man icl i do miss having a more extensive support network. and like honestly i wouldve been kms if i didnt have my dog. having another life to consider and take care of has rlly been a blessing and a curse for me. like bc of him i stayed alive to experience all the good that has happened but it also lead to me being here with damn near nothing to do. i cant leave him alone here i cant trust nobody w him hes like my kid almost. i dont want him to have to live in this world without me n ion wanna ever b without him. shit just thinking ab it makes me wanna tear up man i love that dog so much yall dont even know.

anyways idk outside of that if i die before i get to see this project to its completion ill be letting myself down. trophaeum is supposed to be my opus its supposed to be what the entirety of ilyjin is building up towards but im just struggling so much with staying alive that i cant see myself making it up there. i cant even focus on working on the project bc of all the shit thats been goin on man. i jus dont wanna let myself down ive done that more than enough in this life. ik ive talked before about how i dont fit in the mold that society has constructed for us and that holds true more than ever now. with all the things going on in the world idek if my dreams are still gonna be possible. its very disheartening. idk man ion think i wanna talk ab this anymore. its not even that its too painful or anything its just that im starting to not see the point. and tbh ion like ppl knowing just how sad of a person i am like all the time. but at the same time i cant help but be honest about who i am. i am a neurodivergent person with depression theres nothing i can do to change that and i shouldnt have to be ashamed or hide it. but sometimes it genuinely feels like im supposed to just ignore those parts of myself in order to fit into the capitalist machine.

ig my whole point in saying this is that im scared that ill never be able to show the world how much of an artist i really am and that ill never be able to have the impact i want to on the next generation.

after this post im gonna talk about overcoming toxicity like i said i would last time.

[decayinghearg]

ive been following this guy on tiktok for about a year. he killed himself 6 months ago and his mom posts sometimes on his account. she posted a video of screenshots begging her son not to do it and all he would say is im sorry, i see no other way. people messaging him telling him they cared hours after he died not knowing he went through with it. there was an enormous funeral and everyone looked in pain. outside there were pictures of people hugging and crying. grown men crying in groups. they all let go of colorful balloons into the sky and i wondered, how many balloons would there be for me? would people be breaking down over my absence? would i even get balloons? i watched this tiktok and thought, why would he do this? so so many people clearly love him so much. i wonder if people think this about me when i tell them i have suicidal thoughts. i wonder who would come to the funeral and i wonder what they would say. i dont rven know where im going with this but watching that meant something to me. i guess half of it is if i were to kms, i know at least like 2 or 3 people would be real real sad and i dont want them to go through all that grief. but the other half has always been there. i always fantasize about my funeral. i dont know why, maybe becsuse i want people to see the extreme hurt im in. when i just say im suicidal its not the same thing and people dont treat it the same way. i want to kill myself because i want to know how people would react. do they like me enough to be real sad about, like would it crazy effect their lives? i feel like everyone except my mom could live without me. im all my mom has but everyone else will move on. i wish i could know for sure how everyone feels about me. even if im dead idk if ill be able to be a ghost and see them cry at my funeral. i just want to be appreciated i feel like im walked all over all the time and im a weirdo and i think differently or something idk i just feel like everyone hates me