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lostinlewis · 1 year

Text

Teammates…

Rating: M

Words: 10,374

Raised to be afraid of nothing, to be scared of nobody, to live your life as if whatever landed on your doorstep was meant for you was all well and good, it helped you climb through the ranks as a Mercedes junior, all the way up to what was considered the top spot, one of two seats within the Mercedes AMG Formula One team, but none of what was taught to you from the moment you came into the world had any kind of bearing on the fact that you were absolutely terrified of flying and no matter how many flights you took over the years, and you took many, it never once got any easier.

The clock on the screen that played a movie you would never choose to watch if you weren’t on a flight, read 02:47am and you sighed. You had been on this flight for four hours now, four painfully boring hours, in which you fought to overcome anxiety the whole time, whilst trying your best to sleep too.

Unlike practically all of the team members that surrounded you, your inability to sleep was ever present, and it wasn’t helped by the fact that almost every single one of them snored like they were a high school band still finding their harmony together. You were certain that if purgatory was real, this was your version.

Your phone screen lit up so brightly it illuminated your whole dark aisle and you smirked, reading the name a few times to really take in who it was. You knew right then that the universe had answered your prayers for a distraction in some form, but certainly not the form you would have chosen, but beggars can’t be choosers and right in this moment, you would have taken anything.

‘I’m just laying here thinking about your pretty face…’

A part of you hoped he had sent a picture along with it, a little reminder of the body you laid with on and off for a few months up until last year, but he didn’t, yet still you remembered exactly how he looked and that was the final nail in the coffin to ensure you would do something that could end very badly for you, especially in your new position.

Boredom with a sprinkle of needing an ego boost made sure that any repercussions that may come from your actions, were the furthest thing from your mind right at that moment, the serotonin of having his attention once more made it so you craved the guaranteed high of an exchange with him, even if it only lasted for the remainder of the flight.

It was hard to hide the smile on your face as you rose from your seat, what you were about to do was dangerous yet it played perfectly to your constant need to live life on the edge. What did a little reputation in motorsport matter anyway? As the first female on the grid you were always one step away from being diminished or discredited, no matter how well you behaved.

As you walked towards the toilet you locked eyes with the only other person awake on the plane, Lewis. Despite him being your teammate for close to a year now, you had never really spent time with him away from the team, nor did you have conversations with him at all that wasn’t about racing. Lewis found you stubborn, strong willed, exactly the kind of person he struggled to get along with; the mirror image of him.

Lewis didn’t smile at you, instead he held eye contact with you until it was no longer possible, so intense it was, it felt like he was trying to speak to you through the power of thought. The moment you felt the eye contact get uncomfortable, you screwed up your face as if to ask him what his problem was before you headed to your destination; the bathroom.

Seventeen pictures, seventeen pictures in what you were sure was the world's smallest bathroom, you thought you deserved an award for your skill at even managing to take one good enough to send to him. The picture itself was not what you would deem a nude as such, sure there was plenty of bare skin on show, but the parts of you that warranted that label were covered up, even if all they were covered by was your hands across your chest or your lace panties that revealed your freshly waxed mound.

You looked good and you knew it, it was only fair that someone else got to see it too. You reasoned with yourself as you pressed send and allowed the little anxious butterflies in your tummy, once there due to your fear of flying, now having been replaced with the waiting for a response, engulf you in a giddy walk back to your seat.

You passed Lewis again on your way back, this time you didn’t have to make uncomfortable eye contact as he was facing the other way, but that didn’t stop him from catching your attention with the way his fingers brushed against your wrist, in an almost hold but with no strength behind it at all; if you weren’t mistaken, it was as if he was nervous about touching you.

“You good?”

It was possible to count the unforced interactions you had with Lewis on one hand so to say his question came out of the blue would be completely correct, your face told him of your confusion.

“Fine, are you?”

“I’m very well.”

The smirk on his face after he replied should have been the first sign something was up, but you were too lost in the haze of the attention you anticipated pouring through your phone screen any moment now to dwell on it much. You never normally gave Lewis much of a thought, and you certainly were not planning on starting now.

You had checked your phone close to a thousand times before there was any notification present, as the plane came into land and all hope was lost, your confidence shattered by the lack of acknowledgement to what you thought was a very good picture indeed, you suddenly had your hopes sky rocketed once more as the screen lit up with signs of a message.

The name was not the one you were expecting at all, and as you read it over and over to make sure it was real, confusion sunk in further, as well as fear. Why would Lewis be messaging you?

You looked up before opening it, wanting to catch his attention to see if you could grasp the vibe before the surprise, but he was already walking towards the exit, as if the message was sent and immediately he lost all confidence and had to be as far away from you as possible. Covering your phone screen with your hand, to shield it from prying eyes, you opened it and immediately nausea rushed over you.

‘I know that wasn’t meant for me but for what it’s worth, you look incredible. Sleep well :)’

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuckkkk.

Your surroundings began to spin, your breathing began to labour, how could you be so stupid? Why did you not check who you were sending the picture to? And of all people, Lewis? Fuck. This was bad. This was really bad.

It was an easy mistake to make in hindsight, when you thought you had pressed send, you had pressed airdrop instead. You tried to reason with your anxiety all night, sleep still evaded you in spells, reasoning that there were far worse people on that plane to accidentally airdrop an almost nude to, your team principal being one of them. The reasoning didn’t help though, sure there were worse people to send it to, but sending it to your teammate, the literal face of the sport you had fought so hard to be in and more importantly, be taken seriously in for your whole life, was pretty bad too.

There’s no coming back from this, there’s no making this better, you’ll be the laughing stock of the paddock tomorrow and all because you wanted a little attention from someone you hadn’t seen in months. You got all the attention you wanted and more now, idiot.

Your thoughts were mean, a constant cycle of beating yourself up whilst debating if or even how you should reply to Lewis. You decided against it, there was nothing you could say that could make this situation any better, besides, burying your head in the sand and pretending it hadn’t happened sounded far easier; ignorance was bliss, afterall.

At some point during the endless torture of yourself, you fell asleep, waking only when your trainer rained a tirade of aggression against your hotel room door.

“I’m up! Sorry!”

You were up in every sense but physically, figuring you could sneak a few more minutes of sleep in before you really had to leave.

“You better be, you’re expected in the briefing room in twenty minutes.”

Fuck.

The dash around the room, scraping yourself together the best you could, allowed you to leave the anxiety of facing Lewis to the wayside for a moment but that didn’t stop it from hitting you like a brick as you approached the door to the briefing room, being able to hear his distinctive giggle through the walls already did not help at all, not one bit. Despite knowing how improbable it was, you thought maybe he was laughing at your expense, maybe they all were.

“Ah finally decided to join us then?”

If looks could kill you would have taken out your engineer with just a glance, but alas they couldn’t so all eyes were on you instead as you sheepishly took your seat, across from Lewis, avoiding every bit of eye contact that was possible.

This is going to be a long day, a really fucking long day.

Your presence within the meeting was pointless, you engaged in absolutely nothing, you contributed about the same too and at the best of times you barely heard what any one person said. You were going into an Azerbaijan race weekend with not a clue on strategy, preparation or even if your car would be upgraded. This would be a disaster, you knew it already, and it was all your own stupid fault.

Like a child awaiting the bell for lunchtime, the second you were dismissed from the meeting you ran out of there and straight back to your drivers room where you felt safe enough to hide within the sweet escape of sleep until you had press duties to attend to.

It was impossible to tell how much time had passed from the moment you fell asleep until the moment you felt your phone vibrate against your cheek, the fact that it was squished between you and the sofa you slept on made it too strong to simply ignore.

The screen read Lewis and all at once you wanted your whole body to merge with the sofa so that you no longer existed; facing your actions was the farthest thing from comfortable right now, especially not now that you had to also face said actions in real life too.

‘I figured I owe you one…’

Nothing could have prepared you for the image that loaded under the text, nothing could make you feel in any way easy about what you saw. If you had to pick one moment that changed the course of your career, and the relationship you had with your teammate, it would have been easy to pinpoint it on the accidental sending of an almost nude on a flight, but if you were honest, it was the moment he decided to reciprocate said accident with an intention of his own.

Laid out on a sofa matching yours, naked but for a towel positioned strategically over most of his thickness, Lewis’ body was on display for you, and it was quite literally breathtaking. Every muscle was defined as if sculpted by Michelangelo himself, every inch of his skin glowing the kind of glow that teased moisture post shower. His neck was adorned with the prettiest pearls but what really caught your eye, the one thing you would find impossible to ever forget, was the way he made absolutely certain to leave you wanting - no needing - more by allowing you to see just enough to crave it with every fibre of your being.

The white towel hung loosely over his bulge, a sign that he was soft yet even in that state, bigger than you had ever seen a man before. Your mouth salivated as you took in every little detail of the image, it was incredibly difficult to look away.

The tufts of hair at its base were neatly trimmed, you would have imagined him bald had anyone asked you, but he wasn’t. Like the icing on a cake, the cherry on top of what was an image that would forever be burned in your brain, you noticed the vein that protruded from the base, and ran up his very defined V line. It was then that you were cemented in the knowledge that at all costs, you would know exactly how it felt to run your tongue down said vein, you would know exactly what wonders it led to, eventually.

You mused over replying for a while, unsure of the best response, you hadn’t seen a teammate naked before but then again you hadn’t accidentally sent a nude to one before either. You had to reply, it would be rude not to. Besides, how would you ever find out what he felt like in your mouth if you didn’t?

‘You didn’t owe me anything, Lewis.’

You wrote and deleted the words ‘thank you’ a thousand times before pressing send on the message, figuring that it was best to not come across as desperate in your message, keeping it casual instead. If he wanted a conversation, he would have to initiate it and he did.

‘Maybe not, but I’m a gentleman. You gave so you shall receive too.’

Your mind found itself in the gutter so easily, you were already thinking about just what you wanted to give him and now he had thrown in the idea that you could also be receiving in this scenario, that was the confirmation that forever the relationship between the Mercedes’ drivers would be one that was entirely inappropriate and wholly frowned upon in racing circles, but you had never much cared for peoples opinions anyway, and neither had Lewis.

‘Maybe I should accidentally give some more if that’s what I get in return…’

‘You don’t have to give me anything, all you have to do is ask.’

A simple please would have sufficed yet the stubbornness within you reared its head once more, led out by your ever growing confidence in the new scenario you had found yourself in, you did not want to beg him, you did not want him to think you were even really into him. If it was up to you, you would be able to play it cool right up until it was no longer feasible, but then again, Lewis was your competitor in this fight and he was someone no one could beat.

The thing about Lewis though, the one part of him that transcended all matters of his life, if he wanted something, if he was focused on something, that would be all he did, and right now he was focused on you. Before you had even found words to reply with, you found yourself in possession of another picture, this one a little more explicit than the last.

Still laid out on the sofa, one of his hands placed on his chest, the other teased down the towel a little further, allowing you to be overwhelmed by not only just the thickness now but the length too. He was careful to not reveal it all, but what you had seen already was more than enough to make sure that it didn’t matter what happened this weekend, you had to leave Baku knowing him far more intimately than you ever thought you would.

‘Lewis, it’s so big 😳’

‘I never had you of all people down as scared…’

He was challenging you, playing to the competitive side he had only ever seen on the race track, and it was working. You wanted to throw back an answer to explain how far from scared you were, but you also didn’t want to entertain the ego trip he would have gotten from it.

This was it, this was the perfect opportunity to send him a little picture back, the perfect opportunity to make sure that you would not be the only Mercedes driver with their head elsewhere this weekend.

You laid back on your sofa much as he had his own, shuffling down your sweats until all that the camera could see was the white lace panties you had on. Pressing the record button on the video, you brought it down closer to your body so that every inch of the screen was filled with an image that you wanted no one else to see but Lewis.

Teasing your thighs apart just enough to make sure the camera picked up the little wet patch on the outside of your panties, and to be very certain you ran your finger over your folds, you felt it most important that he knew exactly where to look.

‘My room, now.’

Sneaking out of your driver's room to cross the hallway into Lewis’ was no mean feat. People were everywhere, members of your team just a few steps to your right, journalists from sky a few to the left, interviewing your team principal of all people. If anyone was to spot you cross the hallway and disappear into his room there would be speculation in abundance, but it was a risk you were willing to take; the little taste of Lewis you had so far was more than enough to make it so it overruled any sensibility you had within you.

Lewis was waiting for you, sat on the sofa, his legs spread wide, his body laid back; the evidence of the game you played for the past hour was sitting proudly in his sweats, almost daring you to look.

“Are you just going to stand there, or would you like to sit down?”

For a moment you almost forgot who you were, for a moment he almost had you shy, something you had never been before. As you dared to lower your eyes to the obvious bulge in his sweats, you found your confidence once more; desire often did that to you.

The space between the door you were standing by and the sofa he beckoned you towards was minimal but the way in which he watched you the whole time made it feel like the longest walk in the world.

“No, not there…here.”

Lewis took your hand and lowered you down onto his lap, where you were greeted with the feeling of his thickness underneath you for the very first time. It was too tempting to not roll your ass into it a little, just to make sure you could really feel it.

You let out a little sigh as you felt it press against your cheeks, Lewis laughed in response, pulling you back so you were laid just as he was, your head resting in the crook of his neck, the only part of you left that was unattended to were your hands; he soon found a place for them too, in the grip of his own.

“So…I bet you didn’t think you would find yourself here this afternoon.”

You were very conscious of the feeling of his warm breath against your neck, you wondered if he could feel the way your skin washed with goosebumps all over in response.

“Not at all, I could barely pay attention in the meeting earlier. I was so worried about what happened.”

“You didn’t pay attention? Babe, you haven’t raced Baku before have you?”

“No but I’m sure it will be fine, I just-“

Lewis stopped your words short by using your own fingers to turn your face around to look at his, as best you could anyway.

Your eyes dropped to his lips, licking your own without thinking how obvious you were making your hunger for him. He nudged your chin up, telling you to look at him properly.

“Baku is not a track you can wing it on. You need to know the track before you even step foot in the car, want me to teach you?”

“No it’s fine, I didn’t come here for a lesson on racing, I came here for you.”

You brought Lewis’ hand up to your lips, kissing the very same tattoos you found to be utterly compelling at the best of times, now even more so.

For a moment your touch had hypnotised him, you had made him lose track of his thoughts, and for a moment you felt like the most powerful person in that room, before he found himself again and showed you competition for that crown.

“How about I run through the track with you, help you memorise it, and whilst I’m doing that I will also make sure you leave here with a smile…”

“Lewis, how will-“

He had a knack for stopping short any questions you had, answering them before you even asked them, and as his hand found the waistband of your sweats, his fingers tickling underneath with ease, he very quickly had you melting in his lap as if he had done this to you a thousand times before.

“It’s not like any other street track really, it lets you race, so you’ll need to get a good start…”

You heard his words almost hitch in his throat, your gasp as his finger found your clit so easily, and attempted to stop them in their tracks.

“Relax, baby…I know what I’m doing…”

You didn’t doubt he did, still nothing would make you relax as the man hummed words of racing in your ear whilst he sent your nerve endings into a frenzy with a gentle stroke of his finger over your central point.

“You're practically dripping, babe.”

Words that immediately made embarrassment wash over you, so much so that you threw your arm over your eyes as if to shield yourself from them. His fingers felt like they belonged on your pussy, but the reminder of who they belonged to was so intense.

“Hey, don’t do that…no need to be embarrassed around me, I love that you get so wet, it’s exactly what I like.”

Lewis pulled your hand away from your face before he removed his finger from your clit, bringing up to his lips to taste you.

“Shit…I’m going to need to eat that pussy soon, you taste incredible.”

“Lewis, stop…”

He could tell how shy he was making you with his words, shy was not something he had ever seen you be before now, yet the smile on his face told you that he had no intention of stopping.

“You’re going to learn a lot from me, babe. First lesson, learning how to love the way that I appreciate your body…”

And with that, he relaxed you back onto his chest so he could really play with you this time.

“Now where was I? Ah Castle Corner…”

Two fingers now found their place between your folds, making you moan breathlessly as he teased your clit with so much more pressure than before, teasing them down towards your heat, his thumb finding your clit to soothe you as you felt the thickness of his fingers inside of you all at once.

“Castle corner is tight…shit, so very tight…you’ll have to take it easy, tease the car into it so as to not break anything…”

If you were anyway coherent it would have impressed you how easily he found words that fit for both his description of the track, and everything he was doing to your body at the same time, but Lewis made it so incredibly difficult for you to concentrate on anything, for you to see anything for you to hear anything, every part of you overwhelmed with more pleasure than you had felt before in your life.

“See how good it feels when you take your time with something precious? It’s so fragile, yet if you tease it just right, you will have the car purring in your hands in no time…purr for me, baby.”

His tongue traced a line across your neck, replacing it with kisses until he was able to nibble on your ear.

“Lewis…I…I feel…”

“I can feel it coming too, let me win this one, don’t fight it. Look at me.”

With the hand not fucking you, he cupped your chin, turning you to look him in the eyes.

“Trust me to make you feel good, don’t think about it, just let it happen.”

Your teeth dug into your bottom lip as you felt the familiar tension build within you, you were close to exploding all over the fingers of your teammate, the man who was staring into your eyes like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and there was not a single thing you could do to stop it now; you were about to give him all of you, you were about to let him win. You never let anyone win.

“Lewis…”

His name left your lips in a whispered moan, there was no point to saying it, it was as if you wanted the universe to know who was making you feel this good.

“Trust me, baby…trust me…”

His chants were exactly what you needed to keep you focused on what you were feeling, what wasn’t needed was the perfectly timed knock on his driver's room door as your orgasm began to peak.

“Lewis, you’re due in the media centre in 10 minutes.”

Lewis cupped his free hand around your mouth, knowing the explosion he was about to cause would make it impossible for you to not get you both caught.

“Quiet, baby.”

He whispered in your ear as he never once let off of you, your orgasm was priority, despite the fact that one of the team was standing on the other side of the door.

“Also have you seen…”

“No I haven’t seen her…good girl, stay quiet for me…I’ll be out in five minutes, just finishing something up…fuck I wish I was inside of you right now…”

His voice was a little louder than he would have liked, overcome by the strain in his pants, he was unable to think of anything but how he longed to feel you tense around his dick much like you were tensing around his fingers.

“I wish…I wish…”

“Oh I know you want it too, baby. If you’re a good girl, you’ll get it soon. I promise I will spend the whole weekend making you feel so good.”

The mixture of the way he controlled your shaking body in his lap, whispering in your ear to praise you, as he held the most normal of conversations with someone else, made it impossible for you to not explode, in silence, with Lewis’ big hand wrapped across your mouth as you whimpered against it.

“There you go, feel all of it baby.”

Lewis sucked on your ear as he eased you through an orgasm so intense you thought it impossible that it would ever end. It did, eventually, and as you slowly came down from your high, Lewis soothed you with the softest kisses against your cheek, the constant praise he reigned down on you was the sweetest lullaby.

“Thank you.”

Never before had Lewis seen you so subdued, never did he imagine that all it took to get you to submit to him, to let him win in a battle, was a simple orgasm in his lap. Now he knew though, he would be using that to his advantage whenever he needed to.

“Come on.”

Despite the fact you saw him pretty much everyday, the fact he was strong enough to lift you both out of the seat and onto your feet still surprised you.

“Lewis, can you make an excuse for me or something?”

“What should I say to the press? That I made my teammate cum so hard she can barely function now? No baby, we have commitments to attend to and your legs shaking is not an excuse to miss them, you don’t want to let the team down, do you?”

He took your hand, leading the way right up until the point he reached his door before he froze, turning back to you.

“Probably best we don’t leave together, I could come up with an excuse if we are caught but the look on your face right now will prove me a liar.”

Lewis kissed you on the cheek, it was at that moment you realised that despite the fact you had just orgasmed because of him, and for him, you hadn’t even kissed yet. This was like a backwards game of lustful teenagers, and the final act would be one where he told you he had a crush on you. Not that he needed to now.

“I’ll go first, see you in there-”

He held your arm as you passed him, catching your attention for the final time.

“Oh and babe, in public we’re just teammates, remember that.”

You smiled at him, holding his gaze just long enough to make him squirm as he waited for your response.

“In private we’re just teammates too, Lewis.”

You caught his eye as he walked into the media centre, of course you were paired together, you were never paired together but as if the universe was playing a cruel trick on you, it decided today would be the day it wanted to see you try and keep focused on your job, when the fact you had a little taster of everything the man sat just to your left could do a few moments before you stepped inside the room, made it extremely difficult.

Observing him as he took his seat felt a little different than usual, normally you held your gaze for just about as long as you could get away with to be polite but this time you couldn’t take your eyes off of him, Lewis just being Lewis had you enchanted.

He looked so good, his white t-shirt hung over his jeans tighter than usual, outlining every curve in his almost non existent waist whilst the sleeves clung tight to his arms, now all you could think about was how it would feel to be held in them again as you fell apart. How were you expected to function as anything but a woman that longed for Lewis’ touch again?

As you took him all in, you noticed something that made your eyes widen and your lips moisten; a damp patch on his jeans, no bigger than the size of a coin and noticeable only to those who looked close enough, and you certainly were. It sat proudly by the bulge that even through the thick material of denim was prominent, begging for the attention it so rightly deserved.

Your mind wandered to thoughts of who’s excitement it belonged to, having fallen apart right there on his lap a few minutes ago it was probably yours, but you had felt how worked up he was, you had heard snippets of how he strained under his clothes as his dick fought to be inside of you.

You hoped it was his, and as you barely listened to the mundane questions of the journalists in the room, you allowed yourself to hope that the next time his excitement wasn’t wasted on clothes that it would soon be washed out of, but instead savoured on your tongue, the taste left as a reminder of the man who was your fiercest competitor but now also your mentor, of a very different kind.

“So Lewis, what outfit do you have planned for us tomorrow?”

Questions to the nineteen other drivers, including yourself, were almost always about racing but when it came to Lewis, they were something different. Questions about his personal life in abundance, about his projects outside of Formula One, questions directed to him for a quote on world events and every now and then they would throw in a question just for the fans, like this one, or so you thought it was anyway.

“Wouldn’t you like to know…”

“We would, your outfits are always a spectacle of a race weekend. Your Miami outfit was a personal favourite.”

You couldn’t help but screw your face up at the journalist who was so blatantly flirting with Lewis, before you smirked in pity. You wanted to interrupt her, save her the embarrassment of being shot down by him in public, but you weren’t about to ruin what had just started between you both by making your disdain for her obvious.

“A personal favourite? Interesting…I’ll have to remember that for next weekend.”

You were stunned by Lewis flirting back with her, how dare he? Especially when you were sitting right beside him? You decided right then that if this was the game he wanted to play, playing with you in secret whilst playing with everyone else in public, you wanted nothing to do with it; you had to stop this before it was too late, you knew you would be the one to get hurt, nothing and no one got to Lewis Hamilton.

“Drive safe, babe.”

Lewis whispered in your ear as you both went to your separate garages, preparing for Free Practice One. You didn’t turn to look at him, you didn’t wish him well either, the jealousy still seethed through you as you tried your best to focus on what was inevitably going to be a practice session you struggled with.

Struggle you did, the track foreign to you so every turn you made was a surprise. Sure, you had seen it on television, had walked it once too, but none of that came close to what it felt like as you drove at 200mph around the track, practising strategies you could barely remember thanks to your inability to focus on much else but Lewis.

The day had started with embarrassment, not wanting to face him as shame drove through you, and as you took the castle turn, the one he had told you how tight it was whilst he felt how tight you were, your mind ran with thoughts of knowing that Lewis was bad for you, yet also knowing you couldn’t quit him, not yet anyway.

“Lewis is just behind you now, let him through, he’s on a fast run.”

The call came through from your engineer before you had noticed him in the mirror, as his car got closer you could see the fluorescent yellow helmet inside the cockpit, and once again your mind was distracted by thoughts of him, thoughts that were dangerous at the best of times, but almost certainly in the cockpit of a racing car.

“Do you copy? Move over for him, now.”

You moved over but it was too late, you were not focused at all and your moving over meant that whilst Lewis had space to get past you, you drove straight into the barrier and with that, Free Practice was finished for you for the session.

“You good?”

Lewis found his way to your driver's room the second he was out of the car, not even knocking first to make sure you were decent before he walked in, clearly that didn’t matter anymore now that he had seen, and felt, more than a teammate ever should.

“I’m fine.”

The frostiness of your answer mixed with the way you shrugged off his hand from your shoulder as he approached you had Lewis confused.

“You had me worried out there, that could have been a bad crash. I’ve been thinking, maybe we should behave ourselves this weekend.”

“Oh, I should have guessed this was coming.”

“What do you mean?”

“That little stunt you pulled, the flirting with the journalist with me right beside you, if you wanted to let me know that I wasn’t shit to you, you could have just said.”

Lewis didn’t force you to look at him, nor did he respond to your comment immediately, instead he moved behind you as you stood in the middle of the room, making you focus on the way he made every single tiny hair on your body stand on edge as you felt his presence around you, his hot breath against the back of your neck as he leant in just a little closer, his soft lips on your skin as he placed tender kisses on your nape.

“Baby, you can’t be getting jealous now…especially over nothing, you know I flirt with everyone.”

Even if you wanted to fight his protests, you were so very weak to his touch that it was impossible. Your head rolled back towards him, freeing up space on your neck for him to really smother your skin in kisses.

“Besides, how do I know there isn’t a little boyfriend out there somewhere, you were sending someone a nude after all…”

It felt like Lewis was attempting to make love to your skin with his lips with the way he was kissing you.

“There’s no…no boyfriend.”

“Good because even if there was, I’m not sure I could control myself around you any longer.”

“Do you…do you really want to stop?”

Your voice was weakened by the state in which he kept you in with his lips on your skin, it was as if every touch he made took every drop of sense out of you, as if he was the force that made you lose every little bit of fight that had been built in you from the moment you started karting at five years old; Lewis was your kryptonite, there was nothing at all you could do about it now.

“No, what I really want right now is to be buried between those thighs but baby, you need to focus on racing this weekend…”

His lips worked their way up your neck, nibbling on your earlobe before he found your cheek. It was no coincidence that the closer he got to you, he was practically on top of you now, your core began to ache for him as if it already knew how good he would feel inside of you.

“I don’t…I’m okay, I can do both…please…”

“Baby, this is for your own safety, we have to put this on pause for the moment before it’s too late.”

Lewis worked his lips all the way across your cheek until he could not move anymore, instead bringing himself around to face you, cupping your face in his hands before he did the thing you had yet to do, he kissed you.

Your tongues fought a battle that differed on each side, on Lewis’ it was a dangerous game of resistance that he was quickly losing, yours was one of seduction, desperation, a need that had to be fulfilled fast, as the longing for it grew stronger with each minute.

“Lewis…please…”

He held your wrist, moving your hand to place it over the bulge that was so incredibly hard you wondered how it hadn’t ripped through his race suit already.

“You feel that? You feel how hard it is for you? How badly I want to do everything you need me to do to you…”

You wondered if it was a coincidence that as he described how much he longed to be inside of you, you felt his dick twitch violently in your grasp, asking for you to release it from its restraints, begging for you to do what it only imagined you could do.

“I need…I need you to do it, I can’t focus without it.”

Whilst he took most of your breath just by the way his lips brushed over yours, an almost kiss, he resisted every urge he had to back you up to the wall and take you right there, adrenaline pumped through your body as if he fed it directly to you.

“I can’t…not here…I can’t fuck you here.”

You felt his weakening resistance, you found your opportunity and with that you also found a confidence you hadn’t yet seen in his presence since this began.

“Then how about we compromise?”

His eyes told you that he was clinging to every word as your hand moved from his bulge to the waistband of his race suit that hung around his hips, slipping in between them so you found your fingers tickling the tufts of hair that hung at the base of the thing you wanted to feel most.

“How about between now and free practice two we give in to our urges, we don’t fight them, and then we will be good until the race weekend is over?”

“Shit…baby, I swear you are making this so so difficult for me.”

Your fingers slid around his shaft, a loose grip with full intention to make him want you more, if that was even possible.

“It doesn’t have to be difficult, Lewis. You don’t need to protect me, I want this as much as you do.”

He pulled his race suit further down his body, allowing you the kindness that was taking him in your hand with a firm grip, the kind of grip that made his lips part as his tongue couldn’t help but lick them.

“Lewis, you’re practically dripping…”

You smirked, reciting a line he had used on you only a few hours before, as you ran your thumb across the slit that so frequently leaked his desire, it seemed such a shame to waste what was meant for you in your hands when the urge to taste him grew stronger by the minutes.

“Can I ask you something?”

A question thrown at you whilst you gently stroked the throbbing dick of the man standing just in front of you, was anything but expected.

“Okay…”

“Why are you still standing? You would look so much better on your knees.”

You dropped to your knees with little to no elegance, holding his gaze the whole time as where your thumb had once been, you found your tongue tracing the same line.

“Oh shit…”

Lewis’ whole body shook as you tasted him, his fingers running through your hair told you that your compromise was granted, your wish to have your way with him a little more before racing duties called upon you both was allowed, and as your lips rolled down the entirety of his length until he hit the back of your throat, hearing his sweet little moans made it all the more worthwhile.

Time was irrelevant with Lewis on your tongue, what did it matter that you had to be in the car in ten minutes? Free practice could wait, you were going to savour his flavour on every little taste bud, memorising the thud against the back of your throat, impossible it was to not bruise you with his size, as you worked him with your mouth.

With all the will in the world behind you, you were determined to impress him, but more importantly, you were determined to make it so that your mouth was all he thought about getting back to after an hour on the track; anything else would be a bonus.

The fingers that had been inside of you only hours ago, now ran over your hair with strokes of encouragement, the words he had found so easily when it was your turn, now hitched in his throat at every attempt to speak.

“Fuck…”

A man normally so eloquent, now reduced to only being able to mumble curse words, your lips had rendered him weak, and whilst you were not quite able to beat him on track just yet, at this very moment you had won; a secret victory, but a victory nonetheless.

“Baby, I need to taste you…come here.”

Lewis shed both of you of your race suits so quickly you would have thought this too was a competition. As he laid back on your driver's room couch, dick standing up from his body, he waited for you to take a seat on his face as if this was something you had done so many times before.

Straddling him was nerve wracking, you hovered politely above his face so as to not put any weight on him, but that didn’t matter; Lewis’ hands gripped your thighs to pull you down as close as you could get to his face.

It was sheer want to please him that led you through what was the most difficult task of your life. His dick was huge, sure, but you could have learnt to deal with that alone. What really made it difficult for you, was how insanely good he was at eating pussy.

“Lewis…you’re making it so hard for me…”

“Oh you’re going to let me beat you again?”

He knew exactly what to say to make you fight every distraction, every wave of pleasure he sent through your body, just to ensure that he was the one that exploded in the throes of pleasure first.

Feeling Lewis orgasm, the way liquid squirted down your throat, the hot breath against your pussy as he moaned uncontrollably was everything you imagined it would be and more. As you swallowed the last drop, you hit your peak, to which you sat up right on his face to allow him as much of a taste of you as you had him.

As the sunlight peeked through the blinds that never closed all the way, the possibility of your illicit affair being exposed through the lack of privacy hadn’t once crossed your mind before now, but soon your attention was drawn elsewhere.

Lewis’ clothes were in disarray, the white Mercedes T Shirt that he had thrown on after your moment on the sofa, hung loosely on his body. The evidence of your undoing was dotted around his neckline, but the one thing the sunlight allowed you to notice, the thing it highlighted more than anything was the glistening that decorated the words powerful beyond measure, the thick silver chain that sat on his neck was covered in your juices, a slick wet reminder of the wonder that was his tongue and just what he could do with it.

“I swear if I don’t get to fuck you soon, I might not be able to function.”

“Why don’t you just ignore the fact we have to be somewhere and just get it over with?”

“Baby, when it finally happens this will not be a quick ten minutes, I want to take time with your body, I want to feel you shaking underneath me multiple times…I can’t do that in ten minutes.”

“How about we compromise? How about you put it in for just one minute so I can feel you and then we will carry on with our day…”

“You’ll be the death of me, I swear.”

You saw it in his eyes that he was considering your proposal, but as if your colleagues knew to interrupt you both before you did something that there was no going back from, once again someone knocked on the door.

“Coming! Lewis has just gone to the bathroom.”

You answered the team member before they even had a chance to speak, the disturbances were now routine and their questions much the same. For the first time in your life, you couldn’t wait for a race weekend to end, just so you could have Lewis all to yourself, without the fear of anyone disturbing you

As you relaxed in your much needed warm bath that evening back at the hotel, your phone screen lit up from where it was resting on the counter and already you knew who it was.

‘I can still taste you on my tongue…’

Accompanying the message was a picture a little more innocent than the ones that got you into this trouble in the first place, just a selfie with some chest on display.

‘Do you want to join me?’

You sent him back a picture of you, tastefully covering all that he had already seen, with bubbles. Every single part of you wanted him to say yes, you couldn’t wait until the weekend was over to have him, you needed him now.

‘More than anything but we have to be good. 8pm Sunday, I will be outside of your hotel room door.’

‘Fine. I won’t make this easy for you though.’

‘I would expect nothing less. See you tomorrow :)’

You were sure when Lewis read that you wouldn’t make waiting easy for him, that he never imagined the lengths you would go to to make sure he wanted you more than you wanted him; one look at the Instagram story that you posted before you walked through the paddock told him exactly how far you would go.

Since the moment you joined Formula One you were so very careful to never wear anything that made people talk, they did that enough with you just being a woman anyway. You stuck to mostly team wear, not today though, today you wanted everyone to talk, and you wanted Lewis to hear it.

Your dress went against all the rules, revealing both too much of your chest and your legs at the same time, exactly what you need to reveal to make everyone want you, but most importantly, to make Lewis want you too.

‘Fuck me…’

Lewis took all of five minutes of seeing your story to message you, having not seen you in person yet as he was locked away with his engineer.

‘I’ve been trying to, babe…’

Gone was the timid, unsure girl that he had begun messing with a day ago. Like Sandy in Grease, you had your makeover and now you were going to get your man, somehow.

‘You can’t do this to me, I am trying to be strong for your own good.’

You could read his frustration through his words, a part of you expected a knock on the door any moment now, but you also knew just how stubborn he could be. That was okay though, you were prepared for stubbornness.

‘Just so you know, I spent the whole night studying the track, I don’t need protecting this weekend, I need you to fuck me.’

Lewis didn’t reply this time but what you said was true, you had spent the whole night studying the track. As much as you begrudged having to do exactly what he told you to do, the desire that burnt inside you for him only grew by the hour and the longer he withheld exactly what you wanted, the worse it got.

All eyes were on you as you entered the team meeting, not because you were late this time, but because you were dressed to be stared at. Covering your modesty a little in a Mercedes T Shirt on top, it swamped your dress completely so somehow your outfit looked even more revealing than before.

You caught Lewis’ eye in an instant and smirked at him, you could see him salivating as he watched you take your usual seat opposite him.

This time you paid attention to every word in the meeting, not wanting to give him the attention he was so used to from you, you focused on the speakers at all times and never once glanced at him, even as he purposefully sought your attention by brushing his boot against your bare legs multiple times.

It amused you no end that the less attention you paid to him, the more desperate he became. Your phone screen lit up on the table in front of you, and you ignored it, you already knew it was another message from Lewis.

Nothing worked on you and it frustrated him endlessly, as the meeting wound down his desperate sighs had reached their peak volume.

“Where are you going so fast?”

Lewis was careless now that he was desperate, grabbing your wrist to pull you back as your colleagues walked past you both.

You lowered your gaze until he realised what he was doing and quickly let go of you.

“Careful, we’re teammates, remember.”

He shook his head slowly as he chose his next words so carefully, finally conscious of prying ears.

“This game that you’re playing…it won’t work you know.”

“There’s no game, Lewis. I’m just doing what you said, now I better go back to my room to study some more before qualifying.”

Leaving him standing alone in the hallway, he had no choice but to watch your hips sway purposefully, there was something about this teasing of him that was so satisfying.

What you had done so far had worked perfectly well. Lewis might have thought he was holding strong so far but what you were about to do next would be the ultimate test of his discipline.

You waited until the moment you heard his door shut to send what you had prepared for him just before you arrived at the track.

A short clip of you sat in the back of the car on the way to the grid, panning the camera down slowly until you reached where it met your bare legs, you pried them apart ever so slowly to reveal that whilst he was losing his mind over how good you looked in the dress, the real showstopper was hidden underneath; no panties.

It was doubtful that even thirty seconds had passed since you sent the video to him before you heard the gentle rattling of your door handle.

You knew to expect him, it was inevitable that whilst he was the most stubborn person you knew, you had felt how desperate he was to be inside of you as his dick twitched in his pants only yesterday.

“So all I had to do was ignore you and you would crumble? I wish I had known that sooner.”

Lewis wasted no time at all reaching you as you stood in wait for him on the other side of your room. The moment he got close enough, he lifted you up and threw you back against the wall with his whole weight; desire left him no room for care.

“In the nicest way possible, shut up.”

His lips met yours so ferociously they quite literally took your breath away. As he rid you of the Mercedes shirt you wore, he covered both of your breasts with his hands, squeezing tightly as he freed them from their cloth restraint. With your legs wrapped perfectly around his waist, your lips locked together, everything fell completely into place.

“Make me…”

You mumbled the moment he allowed you to breathe. Your few words revealed a darkness in his eyes as he knew exactly how you needed to be made to shut up, there was only one real way to make you submit to him now and there was no fight left in him to refuse you it.

“There…not so brazen now with my dick inside you, are you?”

He wasn’t wrong, he had rendered you completely inanimate the second it took to bottom out inside of you, giving no thought for the intense stretch you felt in an instant.

“Fuck…”

His face read the most devilish of smiles as he watched you struggle to adjust to him, you looked so meek, so innocent yet all he could think to do was completely corrupt you within the next few minutes.

“Now you got what you wanted, you better take it like you deserve it.”

You bit your bottom lip as your eyes widened, he hiked your legs up higher around his arms so he could get a better angle to make you really feel him. The stretch was more intense now, a sharp heated sting that you knew already you would be feeling for days to come.

“Please…”

One little pathetic plea from you was all it took to make him have mercy on your desires and begin to thrust in and out of you, a feeling you were certain would never be topped already.

“Baby, your pussy feels like magic…”

Lewis groaned into your neck as he devoured your skin, pounding you like the wall you were up against wasn't paper thin and your colleagues weren’t on the other side. That was until you were both reminded of that fact.

“Have you seen Lewis?”

A team member shouted to you through your door and you both froze, praying with everything you had that they didn’t open the unlocked door. Whilst they would find out where Lewis was immediately, there would also be no way to explain away the fact that he could be found inside you.

“Answer him before he decides to join us.”

Lewis hissed in your ear instructions that he knew you needed, it was impossible for you to function without them at the present.

“No sorry, I haven’t seen Lewis anywhere.”

Your voice was a struggle as he thrust into you once more purposefully making it almost impossible for you to not moan out.

“If you do see him, tell him Toto wants him in his office as soon as possible.”

“Shit…okay I will do! Shit, do you think they heard us?”

You whispered to Lewis as you watched concern wash across his face. Whilst the both of you battled for dominance together, there was one person who ruled it all, Toto; even Lewis knows he isn’t to be messed with.

“Maybe…I guess if they have, we’re in trouble already. Might as well make it worth it, right?”

All at once you felt his hand smother your mouth to keep you quiet as he began fucking you with every ounce of pent up frustration that had built up over the past day or so.

It was intense, rapid, every stroke made you feel so full of him, as well as awash with pleasure. He stared deep into your eyes the whole time, the ability to watch his lips quiver with pleasure told you that it felt just as good for him as it did for you.

“Baby, you’re going to cum in a second…don’t scream.”

His words confused you so much you frowned, you didn’t feel like you were, you were far too overwhelmed to focus on the finality.

“Trust me…”

Somehow Lewis was right, your orgasm took you by complete surprise as he drew it out of you so quickly you had absolutely no time to prepare. Your nails dug into every little bit of him you could reach, but nothing helped centre you as the most intense explosion you had ever felt erupted through your whole body.

He warned you not to scream, yet he did everything in his power to make sure you did. You fought it, you fought it so hard but as it laid on the tip of your tongue ready to escape into his hand, you bit down so hard on his skin that you almost broke it.

Lewis let out a guttural groan, one built from the pain in his hand as you tasted it, with an orgasm of his own thrown in, as he thrusted a few more sloppy times, releasing into you as if it was your reward for how well you had taken him.

“Ouch…”

He giggled as you finally released his hand from between your teeth, he shook it before examining the damage you had done.

“You told me not to scream…”

Suddenly a conversation with Lewis still inside of you, felt more normal than anything else. It was then that you realised this could never be just a Baku weekend thing, you couldn’t go back to just being his teammate now, not when you knew the power he held through the form of also being the best dick of your life.

“I did, but I didn’t tell you to take a chunk of me with you.”

“I think I have a little more than a chunk of you inside of me right now…”

It was then that Lewis realised what he had just done, releasing inside of you with little worry of the complications or consequences.

“Shit…I shouldn’t have done that.”

The urge to let him stew for a little longer in the panic you could see running through his mind at this very moment, was so very tempting. But as he let you down from where he held you against the wall, you pitied him a little.

“Don’t worry, I am not stupid enough to let you do that if there was any kind of risk.”

“Good, because I don’t know how I would explain getting the first female driver pregnant.”

The small talk, the banter, all of it was normally awkward after the very first time you slept with someone, yet with Lewis it felt comfortable, as you both caught your breath whilst tidying yourselves up as best you could.

“I think I better go and see what Toto has to say now…this isn’t going to be pretty.”

Lewis placed the most tender of kisses on your cheek before he made his way over to the door.

“Lewis, whatever happens it was worth it…for me anyway.”

You saw the effect your reassurance had on him as his face softened from a frown to the softest smile at you.

“It was worth it for me, too. Now finish your prep, quali starts in a little while.”

“Ah, there he is…”

“Who?”

“My teammate.”

“Shut up...before I make you, again.”

“How about you go and see what the boss wants and then you come right back here so you can make me shut up at least once more before we have to drive?”

“You are so fucking dangerous…”

“I thought you liked danger, Lewis?”

“I love it.”

#Lewis #ex #teammates

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sadhours · 2 years

Text

“I look for love in all the wrong places”

prequel to wicked sensations

a/n: this is my present to you all for 300 followers!!!! Thank you so much for enjoying my series. i hope i dont make y'all too sad with this one

word count: 3.7k

warnings: 18+ minors dni, messy Billy, sad billy, abuse mention, addiction, underage drinking, drug use, cocaine, marijuana, brief smut, Neil, homophobic slurs, sexism, angst lots of angst. This was sad to write.

masterlist (i accept requests)

taglist: @blue-eyed-lion @bbyhargrove @sweet-villain @actuallyspencerreid @trapistani @sierrahhh @likeanimagepassingby2

Fingernails stained yellow from nicotine, Billy brings yet another Marlboro Red to his lips while Jennifer pours him another another shot of Jameson. He’s been here every single night for the past three months, the days bleed together but he’s under the impression he’s having a good time. Every evening folds out the same way and Billy likes a rigid routine. The liquor goes down without so much as a wince, the fiery sensation spreading down his throat and over his entire body. A comforting, numb warmth that’s become his most favorite feeling. In fact, Billy couldn’t go a day without it now. There’s a necessity to it, some might call it an addiction, but Billy thought it made the beatings guaranteed to him more bearable, therefore it’s a form of protection. Getting sucker punched by his dad didn’t hurt as much when he couldn’t feel anything.

The next bit of routine was also made certain by a woman double his age cornering him every night. Not usually the same woman, but always one old enough to be his mother. They’d all kind of bled together, dyed hair, heavy makeup and the same pickup lines. Are you old enough to be in here? or What’s a young handsome man like you doing alone in a place like this? And Billy would accept their advances every time, looking for attention anyway he could get it. Sometimes he wished he didn’t like compliments. The way these broads looked at him and talked to him made Billy feel powerful.

Tonight was no different, a woman he pegs to be roughly 40 situating herself between him and the jukebox as he’s flipping through songs.

Turning on the charm, Billy smirks, “Well, hi. Just what I was looking for.”

It’s a lie, he likes getting off and these women provide an escape but he always feels disgusting afterwards, so he drinks more to bring the numbness back. Regardless, he continues repeating the cycle.

“Does your mother know you’re here?” the woman teases and luckily Billy’s buzzed enough for it not to sting and spiral him into another episode. She never knows where she is. And he wonders where she is all the time.

“I’m a big boy,” he retorts, leaning closer to the woman.

She gives him what he thinks was supposed to be seductive laugh but it’s a little too deep and it brings him out of the moment, panic rising through his throat while he realizes this bar is dark and he can’t really be sure if he’s attracted to her.

Then she lifts up a tiny baggie filled halfway with an off white substance he’s beginning to indulge in most nights, “Want some?”

Billy knows he shouldn’t, he knows he’ll wake up tomorrow with the emptiest feeling in his chest that’ll drive him to chase after good feelings but no matter what, he won’t be able to get his serotonin back up for days. Nevertheless, he nods and follows the woman to the dingy, sticky men’s bathroom. She locks the door behind her and dumps a bit of the baggie out onto the toilet paper holder. Billy begins to think about what other disgusting substances have been on it as she cuts them each a line and pulls out a rolled dollar bill. He goes first, needing the courage from the drug to follow through with what this woman really wants. He snorts the cocaine, standing and hands her the dollar bill while he rubs his nostril with the back of his hand. He tastes the drip immediately as the warm numbness begins to wash over his mouth and descend down the rest of him. Then the excitement comes, his heart pounding out of his chest while he’s filled with a newfound confidence that was languidly slipping away minutes before. He watches as she snorts her line and when she’s finished, he hitches her foot up onto the toilet and undoes his pants. He fucks her quick and hard, glancing away when she turns her head to look at him. He doesn’t give a shit if it hurts her feelings. Billy pulls out and cums on her thighs.

He tucks himself in his jeans and tells her, “Thanks, sweetheart.”

However that’s not their only interaction of the night, like a fiend, Billy keeps returning to snort all the blow she has and let’s her buy him drinks all night. She gives him a crumpled napkin with her number on it and he purposefully misses his pocket, dropping it on the dirty bar floor.

As per his routine, he doesn’t stumble out of the bar until it’s closed and he drunkenly attempts to help Jennifer close it up. He drops a barstool on the bar only for it to come tumbling back down on his face, pushing him to the floor with it.

“Alright, Billy…” Jennifer sighs, “I think I can manage it myself. Get home safe, kid.”

He does, though he won’t remember the drive in the morning. His body crashes through his window, face planting on the hardwood floor and from where he lies, he can see a light flicking on from the crack under the door.

“Shit,” he mumbles, grappling to his knees and pressing his palms into his thighs.

He’s pleasantly surprised when a small redhead opens his bedroom door with wide eyes. His intoxicated smile falters when he hears Susan’s voice calling out for her.

“Sorry!” Max calls out, “Bumped into something. It was dark.”

“Go to bed!” his Dad yells and Max turns off the hall light after glaring at her drunken step brother. She closes his door and retreats back to her room.

She was a little shit but she was a really good sister, covering for Billy whenever she could. He stands to his feet and turns on his lamp, looking in the mirror to see his lip and nose are bloodied from either the barstool or the face plant, he’s not sure. He sighs, wiping his face with his sleeve before collapsing in his bed, succumbing to a hard sleep.

He’s not sure how long he’s been out when he wakes up, having no idea what time he even got home. But his heads killing him and the post cocaine blues hits hard, flashes of the older woman piercing his brain. He groans, reaching under his bed for a warm can of beer and sits up. He cracks the beer open and gulps it down, reaching for his pack of Marlboros to discover he smoked every single one last night. He winces as he stands up from bed, dropping the empty beer can to the collection strewn across his floor. He peeks out the window to see his Camaro parked halfway on the lawn and he cringes.

Billy strides to the bathroom, keeping the light off as he reaches for the rinsing cup and fills it with tap water. He drinks it and fills it again, repeating the process until his stomach churns and empties into the toilet. Over and over. Billy’s not a quiet puker either. He knows whoever is home can hear it but it’s common, they’ve got to be used to it. After collecting himself, he stares at his reflection in the dirty mirror and dim lighting seeping in from the tiny vent window. His lip is swollen, he’s got dried blood under his nose and massive bags under his eyes.

“God,” he groans before splashing water into his face. He braces himself as he exits, glancing up and down the hall before strolling back to his room. Before he can get there, he hears Susan’s hushed voice and he freezes.

“He’s a problem, Neil. Stumbling in at ungodly hours and he always reeks of alcohol,” she whispers.

“I know,” Neil responds, “I don’t know what else I can do.”

Billy shuts his bedroom door quietly, not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation. He digs through the pile of dirty clothes on the floor for a pair of jeans, pulling them over his legs and hopping into the rest them. He grabs a white muscle shirt, bringing it to his nose and wincing at the stench. He keeps digging through the pile until he settles on a black muscle tank instead. Then his phone rings, the shrill pitch of it sending a shockwave of sharp pain through his head.

“Jesus Christ,” he mumbles, lifting it off the hook to be greeted by his girlfriend. Oh, shit, he’d forgotten he had one.

“Veronica, calm down,” he groans, slipping his Converse on. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I was busy.”

“Busy?!” she yells, “We had a fucking date, William.”

“Ugh, don’t fucking call me that,” he looks in the mirror, fixing his hair with what little energy he has. “Listen, I’ll be at your house in twenty. Bring weed.”

“You’re gonna make this up to me, Billy. I’m so sick of you leaving me high and dry.”

“Whatever you want, baby,” he quips sarcastically before hanging up, hopping out his window and stealthily strutting to his car. He speeds off down the street before Neil and Susan can run outside to stop him. He takes a detour, stopping at a gas station to fill up his car and retrieve the ever needed pack of Marlboro Reds. “Ya know what, give me a shooter of Jack,” he adds, handing a wad of cash to the clerk who despite his disheveled appearance gives him fluttery eyelashes and blushed cheeks.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he winks to the girl as he shoves his change in his pocket. When he’s back in his car, he downs the shot and lights a cigarette before filling up his tank.

“You said twenty minutes,” Veronica scolds as she gets in the front seat, her blonde hair pristinely styled in big curls.

Billy snorts, “Hey, I showed up.”

“Yeah and you fucking reek of booze,” she complains. Billy shrugs, speeding off down the street. He whips through the neighborhoods, ignoring Veronica’s incessant yelling to slow down. He wonders why she even likes him, all she ever does is complain. He arrives to their usual spot, a parking lot a ways out that faces the ocean, no shore beneath it.

“Where were you last night?” she demands, sounding like a parent. She’s always like this. Well, she wasn’t at first. She liked Billy’s danger at the beginning, she used to call him wild child. She used to laugh hard at all his jokes and sing at the top of her lungs with him to his cassettes. She used to look at him with stars in her eyes. She used to love him.

“I was hanging out with Jennifer,” he deflects, not mentioning the coke or the middle aged woman he’d fucked without a second thought.

“You know she thinks you’re a loser, right?” Veronica reveals and Billy doesn’t doubt it. He knows he’s been going a little overboard since Susan and Max moved in. He know his dad grew to truly despise his mom over the years but he never dated another woman until he met Susan. Billy didn’t want to subject his mom to more abuse but he selfishly wished she’d come back, that they’d get back together.

“You are a loser, Billy,” Veronica seethes, “You’re turning into a total fucking burn out. We don’t even surf anymore.”

Billy takes the verbal censure. He always does, he’s heard the words so much they don’t even sting anymore. He no longer cares that he’s a huge wasting, disappointment to everyone around him.

“Did you bring the weed?” he asks, unbothered by the dumbfounded look on his girlfriends face.

She heaves a sigh and digs through her purse, imparting the bag of weed to Billy. He takes it, opening up his glovebox to grab his rolling papers. He grinds the weed between his fingers, hovering above the open paper, using his pinky to disperse the broken up buds. He rolls it expertly, eying his blonde counterpart as he licks up the side of the paper before sealing it up.

“Voila,” he sings, proudly holding up the joint to admire his handiwork. He brings it to his lips, flicking his zippo up to light it. He takes a deep hit, choking lightly as it stings his throat before offering it to Veronica. “I didn’t put any tobacco in it, just for you.”

“Oh, you’re so kind,” she sneers, her expression frozen in indignation. God, she’s such a bitch, Billy thinks.

He won’t let her ruin his high, he needs this. He’s gotta charge up before he can head back over to the bar.

“Do you even have a job anymore?” she wonders, venom lacing the question.

Billy snatches the joint from her lips before she can take a second hit, “I do. I work tomorrow.”

He dreads to think about doing any strenuous labor with a hangover. Maybe he’ll claim window washing and tire pressure duty when he arrives. His boss is getting suspicious of him, though. The other day, he made a snide comment about Billy having a long night when he locked himself in the bathroom to spew for thirty minutes.

“Good. Our anniversary is coming up,” she reminds Billy, “I expect jewelry.”

He bogarts the joint, not passing it when he’s supposed to. He sucks more than half of it down before she notices.

“Hey! Give it here, it’s mine anyhow.”

Billy obliges, turning the stereo out and shoving a Metallica cassette into it and turning the dial to tune out any more of her whining.

Luckily, the joint seems to get to Veronica and she’s quiet for a while. Billy gets to admire the waves, the vastness of the ocean as the blue of it fades into the sky. It always calms him, helps him forget about Neil, Susan and Veronica. He can stare at it and even forget he exists.

Alright, he’s pretty stoned.

All part of his rigid routine, Veronica moves to the backseat and pulls him with her. He lays her down and hovers above her, his head fuzzy while they awkwardly situate themselves. It’s rushed, quick and to the point. Like it always is. She’s a means to an end and he is to her.

When they’re done, she tells him he needs to get a grip before Senior year starts in two weeks. He ignores it, Billy thinks he’s doing just fine. He wouldn’t have his life any other way.

He takes it easy that night. Which means he still stumbles through his window drunkenly but he’s not blackout drunk. He remembers the panic of the drive home, constantly checking his rearview mirror but blue and red lights. He showers after his morning hurl. Standing under the hot water a moment too long, making him late for his shift.

He grabs his work shirt from his backseat and begrudgingly makes his way into the garage, clocking in under the judgmental eyes of his boss.

“I know,” he mutters before he can be ridiculed, “I slept through my alarm. Won’t happen again.”

Unfortunately, Drew beats him to calling window washing and tire pressure checks. Billy’s stuck downstairs draining oil. It’s so hot down there, he yaks a few more times during the day. On his drive home, he’s particularly introspective. Finding he’s actually disappointed in himself for the heavy drinking and late nights.

When he walks into the door, he’s met with his dad, Susan, Max and his grandparents sitting around the table. An intervention? Seriously?

Billy groans, barreling through them to his room. Neil’s quick to follow, pounding on the door when it’s slammed in his face.

“William Ocean Hargrove, get your ass out here now!” Neil bellows behind the think particle board. Billy revels in his mom giving him that middle name, forcing his dad to say it whenever he was pissed and no doubt bringing Billy’s wild-spirited mother to his mind.

Billy opens the door. “I’m covered in oil. Let me change,” he spits at his dad before slamming the door again.

“Neil,” Susan says pointedly.

He hears his dads footsteps walking away and he glances to his window, debating if he should run away again. He’s embarrassed with his grandparents sitting there and he’s sure Neil won’t hit him in front of them. Not until they leave.

He changes into a clean pair of clothes before making his entrance out, standing in front of five pairs of concerned eyes. He heaves a sigh and motions to them, “Go ahead. Tell me how my life’s going down the shitter and I’m a huge fucking disappointment to all of you.”

He thinks it’s unfair Max and Susan are here. They’ve known Billy all of six months. They don’t fucking know him yet they’re trying to be family. Well, as far as Billy was concerned he had no fucking family. This house, these people, they had no warmth. They didn’t truly give a shit about him, they just wanted to control him, didn’t want people to look at them differently because he was an embarrassment.

“Billy…” Susan starts and he laughs.

“Listen, I barely fucking know you. You can’t waltz into my life and expect to be my fucking mother. You aren’t and you’ll never be,” he spits.

“Maybe I should start…” his grandmother says and it breaks his heart. She was the tiniest bit of solace in his life. She was the escape when things had gotten too bad. When Neil couldn’t even fathom looking at Billy, he would ship him off to his parents. He spent every summer there until he was fourteen. Then Neil wanted him working.

Billy sits down at his grandmothers request, his breathing labored as he’s stricken with guilt.

“Honey… we’re all so worried about you. Your dad tells me you’re never home, you’re drinking all night and,” she can’t finish, choking out a sob as she looks to her disheveled grandson.

Billy feels tears threatening his eyes but he’s quickly reminded about all the times Neil bullied him for crying. Calling him a faggot, a fairy, a pansy, every name in the book. He told him men don’t cry. Last I checked you didn’t have a vagina, he’d said. Billy steadies his breathing. He won’t cry, he can’t cry.

“Your behavior is unacceptable, son,” Neil chimes in and Billy keeps his face stoic, doesn’t want anyone to know how deeply he’s hurting inside.

“You’re a bad influence on Max,” Susan says quietly and Billy feels his blood boil. He never agreed to being any kind of influence on her. He never agreed to having them forced into his life.

Billy doesn’t speak, he stares at four consecutive holes in the table and remembers how they got there, his dad stabbing his fork into the table during a heated argument at dinner when Susan and Max had first moved in. He wonders if they’ve even considered why Billy is acting out. He assumes not, his feelings never a concern of theirs.

“This has to change,” Susan pleads.

Neil puffs his chest out, “William.”

Billy knows what his dad is getting at, looking up at him and holding his domineering stare.

“We’ve got a solution. We’re moving,” Neil informs him, “I’ve already got a job lined up.”

“What?” Billy asks, hurt present on his voice and then panic, “Where?”

“Indiana,” Susan states.

Indiana? No ocean. No waves. No calmness. No one he knows. He’ll be even more alone. Billy’s stomach churns, the emptiness of it of no concern to the bile rising in his throat. He abruptly moves up from the table, stomping to the bathroom where he collapses in front of toilet, and he heaves. The fluorescent yellow fluid forcing its way up his throat, burning his eyes and tearing up his airways.

He rests his cheek against the seat, unmoving as he realizes his life is over. Neil can control him better so far away. He’ll be so isolated from everything he knows and loves so well.

Billy stares at his Camaro packed to the brim with his belongings. It’s so wrong. The October breeze chills him as his eyes fall on the scratch along the side of the midnight blue finish. Veronica keyed his car and he’d attempted his best to buff it out but it was still faintly there. A reminder that he’d lived up to her shitty expectations of him.

Neil pats his shoulder, “We’ll get that fixed in Hawkins.”

He was annoyingly chipper since the intervention, clearly excited at the prospect of a completely isolated Billy.

“Max is riding with you,” he shoots his soon a pointed look. “Can’t have you running off.”

Billy sighs, realizing just how trapped he is.

This is it. He gazes back to the house he’d grown up in, his chest stinging at how unalive it looks. He stands outside of his car and looks around while Max sits in his front seat. His feet are stuck. He can’t possibly move them.

“Billy! Let’s get a move on! We’re on a schedule!” his dad calls from his truck and Susan honks from the U-Haul.

Fucking bitch.

Billy cries quietly as he drives away from home, not caring that Max can see it. He fucking loathed her and her mother for doing this to him. He doesn’t say a single word to her the entire drive. He doesn’t speak to any of them when they sleep in motels where Billy’s given a pillow and small throw blanket to sleep on the floor in each one. He’s disassociated the entire three days it takes to drive there.

He thinks Indiana is ugly and he’s unbelievably distraught when he sees the size of Hawkins. A town like this, everyone knows each other which means higher expectations from Neil. They drive past the school, Max commenting about how that’s where they’ll go, and Billy remains silent. The only bright side is no one will know who he is so he can be anyone he wants. And he’ll be damned if he’s not worshipped in this town by the end of his first week here.

a/n: thank you so much for reading. i really appreciate all the love i'm getting for the series. i hope you enjoyed this lil look into billy's life before the move

#billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove drabble #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fic

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beybuniki · 9 months

Note

happy birthday!! 🎉 🎉 just wanted you to know it always makes me so happy to log on here and see what new art you’ve posted! they’re so bright and colorful like candy guaranteed serotonin boost every time i come across it <3 i hope you have a good year!!

thank youuu :( <333 so happy to hear that, lets hope this year is good to all of us <3

#asks

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syrupyy · 2 years

Text

lilybell cookie and candy diver cookie uploaded to cookie comic creator, cookie run comic studio and cookie simulator!! but i know these update comics don't get the numbers they used to, so i'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about this - why the process of adding new cookies takes so long, and why i'm the only person that can do it

this time around i got a lot of offers to help, which - while appreciated - i could not accept, because there's a lot of specific work that needs to be done to add a new cookie to the ovenbreak section

i'm pretty sure i mentioned this before, but all work on the ovenbreak section is bottlenecked by cookie comic creator. the python script to convert ovenbreak's data download into a set of sprites usable by the site was put together in a matter of days nearly a year ago, and the process is very slow - and i usually have to run it multiple times, since i often get some sprites wrong the first time and the only way to change sprites other than hand-removing them from the sprite list file is to recompile everything

i planned to rewrite this whole process for cookie run comic studio, but two things happened: 1. some people continued to use the old site instead of the new one, especially in a couple specific countries - most notably, cookiecomiccreator.co gets 3x as many users from south korea as cookierun.comic.studio does 2. i started to realize that the only improvements i could really make to this build process would be to make it faster/multi-threaded and add a way to only modify certain sprites. which cookie comic creator USED to have something for, until i added a new feature that required everything to be recompiled every time again and because of this i kinda lost my motivation to rewrite the build process, since the current process does still work even if it takes an hour of busywork to do each time

that's not the only thing that stops this however. the reason i was unable to make good on my promise to get this done yesterday was because i've also been running into issues just getting the files, as it relies on an android emulator to download the game data and well you know how unreliable those can be as my current setup doesn't have a working google play store, i have to redownload the apk every update, and each time something goes horribly wrong in the process either in the installation breaking or the data not copying over to my computer properly/not playing well with the python script requiring some editing to work again

this time the issues were so bad that by the time i had gotten the game data, it was nearly 3 am and i needed to go to sleep or risk not being able to do so because of how poor my sleep schedule is now, unlike people offering to get all the individual sprites for me, i COULD actually start accepting donations of game data, since that i can guarantee will be used correctly. it's just that i don't just need the spritesheets, but also the .plist files that provide all the information on how to decompile them, and additionally i also need the sprites and .plists for the lobby sprites, the "duel sprites" (unused high-res cookie jump/run sprites that are nice to have), exhausted sprite, any new story sprites/usable backgrounds and new jellies. all of which is way too much to ask of anyone else when all i have to do is download the game files myself and manually adjust until everything works

this is all not to mention the timing of updates - usually they drop late at night, when i've already done a bunch of work for the day and am too exhausted to take the time to figure out everything i need to do to get new ovenbreak sprites in. i can make promises to have them done the next day, but by coincidence these updates usually drop right before a day where i'm forced to take time off from working - for context, i take medicine for my adhd, and because of the serotonin tolerance buildup it induces i cannot take it for more than 6-7 days in a row without it losing its effectiveness on me - so i'm forced to take a day off every week, or i'll risk not being able to work for even longer. and without my medicine it's hard for me to get myself to sit down and run a python script then comb through hundreds of images and repeat for an hour

i apologize if this post comes off at all whiny - i'm happy to be helping out the fandom with this site, and i love being able to treat this as a part time job thanks to the support i get from it!! but, since i keep such a high standard of quality for the comic creators, and since i get so many people offering to help, i figured i'd put all the information out there at once at some point in the future, i'll finally get around to rewriting this build process, and i'll also open source it so that those who want to give it a shot themselves can do so. but for the time being, i choose to put myself through this for the sake of quality - i hope you can forgive the time it takes

#cookie comic creator #comic studio

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i-am-kind-of-lost · 2 years

Text

I posted 4,491 times in 2022

That's 772 more posts than 2021!

529 posts created (12%)

3,962 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@6hrshiftgril

@babbling-brook-of-books

@straightedgesavior434

@petrichornial

@hotgirlsrk

I tagged 2,954 of my posts in 2022

Only 34% of my posts had no tags

#fave - 477 posts

#world heritage post - 224 posts

#serotonin - 222 posts

#cat - 219 posts

#save - 80 posts

#this - 74 posts

#prev - 72 posts

#stranger things - 59 posts

#people - 55 posts

#pretty - 52 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#you just love to take up as much space as possible at your favorite gentrified coffee shop and/or the library with your spread of aesthetica

My Top Posts in 2022:

Mfs be 8 and say stuff like, “When Hozier said this, I felt it.” Shut up. Go watch Shin-Chan

61 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

I did not like the Annie and Hughie scene. Sorry.

I get that they are trying to show Toxic Masculinity bad, but it doesn’t kind of work here. Hughie has never had a problem with Starlight being stronger than him. He has always been insecure about his abilities. Everyone in the group treats him as this useless tool, and it just reinforces that. Like last episode, when he asked MM and Butcher whether they want awkward, powerless Hughie, or supe Hughie who can take care of himself.

That scene felt really forced. Really forced. The violence over the past three seasons has torn down his morality, and he just doesn’t think there’s any other way. And he’s right.

What can they do about Homelander? Use diplomacy to stop him, blackmail him, take away public support, shame him out of existence?

He doesn’t want to be one who needs to be saved every single time, who needs to be protected, the one who is a liability every time they are out on the field. He’s tired of that. I mean, yeah. If it comes down to a fight, which it most probably will, he doesn’t want to be the one hiding in a corner.

104 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

Vigilante casually admitting that he didn’t mind Peacemaker bullying him because he doesn’t feel emotions.

104 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

Okay genuinely asking

What srk 2000s movie is the best?

Like i was just listening to tumhe jo maine dekha and i realised that i don't even know what that movie is from and like everyone has seen them

so from which should I start?

~cupcake

Tumhe Jo Maine Dekha is from Main Hoon Na. How do you not know that? Jail. Jail.

Okay, so SRK from 2000 to 2010 is pretty much flawless era, except some movies which I don't remember. They are probably shit if I don't remember them.

Every single of these. And I mean, every single of them has a mind-blowing good album. Guaranteed two-three songs in each, which you will love for as long as you will live.

Main Hoon Na (2004) is quintessential Bollywood movie. It is the most bollywood movie to ever movie. You know. And somehow it still works, till this day. Soundtrack is first love vibes.

Om Shanti Om (2007), is another one of the same mould. Made by the same director, Farah Khan. Silly as fuck. Soundtrack is god-tier good.

Chak De India (2007) has probably SRK's greatest performance, along with Swades and My Name is Khan (onto them, later). You have probably seen this. I mean of course you have. The emotions this movie makes you feel, and the fact that it actually juggles multiple characters, and just ugh. I love this movie so much.

Kal Ho Na Ho (2003). That's it. Just watch it, if you haven't.

Veer-Zaara (2004). SRK had a very good 2004 btw. He was nominated for Best Actors for 3 different movies. Veer-Zaara is probably one of the best pure Romance movies, made in this country. Rani Mukherjee is so good. Fun fact, the soundtrack of this movie, uses compositions made by Madan Mohan, who had died in 1975. 30 years after his death.

Mohabbatein (2000). This movie is one of the major reasons I want to become a professor in a college in a hill station. Oddly similar to Dead Poets Society. Just like Koi Mil Gaya is very similar to ET.

Swades (2004). The least bollywood movie among the lot. His performance is iconic as hell. I love the pace of this movie so much. And I really love the romance-plot as well, because it doesn't feel overdone, or rushed.

My Name is Khan (2010). You have probably seen this already. It's a little overdramatic in the end. It's Karan Johar, what do you expect. But his performance is so good. So good. Features the greatest proposal scene in the history of cinema. The scene where he meets Jimmy Shergill after the latter's wife is attacked, will never not make me cry. Same goes for the scene, where he reunites with Mandira.

K3G (2001). YEAH.

Dil To Pagal Hai (1997). Everyone remembers the soundtrack of this movie. As they should, because it's fucking amazing. But the movie is so much more than the soundtrack. It's so good. Akshay Kumar is in it, as well.

ALSO.

How I remember these movies, has a lot to do with nostalgia. A LOT. If you have never seen them in your life, and you are watching them for the first time now, you are not going to enjoy yourself as much as I do. Some of them are problematic as fuck. Looking at you Mohabbatein. Move on you fucking weirdo, you are hallucinating your dead girlfriend of 10 years. These movies were a huge part of my childhood, so yeah, I remember them very fondly.

112 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You know, ignore the quality of the movies and shows, and the oppressive practices that are used by making them, but aren’t MCU fans nauseated by the number of movies and shows.

Every single month, there is a movie or show that is coming out. Every single month. How do you like, feel any excitement, or like just ugh. Aren’t you bored and tired.

138 notes - Posted June 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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mngwa5 · 1 year

Text

LiS characters at an Commander/EDH Table Headcanon

A/N: This was originally supposed to be a “What MTG color identity would the LiS 1 characters be?” And then I sat down and went “Lmoa no, this is idea way funnier.” and besides parts of that original HC will inevitably bleed through here. I guess really the only fanon “changes” here would be that I’ll be mentioning cards from FAR past 2013 so ig do whatever mental gymnastics you need to do there. Oh, and we’re supposing that any of the characters could afford to splurge on multiple commander decks.

Max Caulfield

you wouldn’t think it because of how genuinely she just appreciates shuffling up, sitting down, and spending time with the other Blackwell nerds, but Max can and will optimize her decks to a fault.

It’s less about “competitive viability” and more because she just appreciates brewing highly interactive spell-slinger stuff.

Has a pet Narset extra turns deck. You cannot convince me otherwise. When it pops off, she definitely excitedly texts Chloe about being “a time master in AND out of game”.

The only person on Earth I would smile at and encourage after I hear the phrase “I cast Expropriate for free. Responses?”

One of those “I’m addicted to R/U please God help me break out of this archetype” people but is somehow adorkable about it

Will target you if she picks up even the slightest hint that you’re about to Cyclonic Rift and not just because you’re... you know... casting Cyclonic Rift.

Chloe Price

Very much loves jank. Something about the “isle of broken toys” triumphing against whatever monstrosity everyone else brought really appeals to her.

Loves the idea of certain archetypes, but as long as a given list guarantees that she’s playing lots of cards and doing lots of things on her turns, she’ll mainly just build whatever she thinks is cool.

As a result, Chloe has run Yuriko and Beckett Brass decks in the past.

“Come on Max, did you really think I’d pass up being able to beat you all with pirates? You already know I'm ALL over that. Ninjas are hella awesome too.”

It doesn’t hurt that Yuriko can wipe the floor with everyone if they aren’t careful.

Doesn’t gravitate towards a specific color or color combo but plays aggressively in whatever flavor she finds appealing.

And I do mean AGGRESSIVELY. Chloe loves the serotonin rush of slapping a ton of guys down and then turning them all sideways even if it leaves her open to dying in the next few turns.

Even if she doesn’t take things super seriously, she will definitely high-key target you in the next game if you fucked her over in the previous one.

Kate Marsh

Kate took some convincing that Magic wasn’t some weird ritual since her parents almost certainly forbade her from even learning about it as a kid and filled her head with satanic panic BS.

Once she actually sat in on a game or two (and after Max showed her Rin and Seri), she was able to set her compunctions aside and will show up to game night when her schedule allows.

in the same way Chloe builds what she thinks is cool, Kate definitely builds what she thinks is cute. (*cough* Kwain *cough*)

The first deck she built on her own was almost certainly Jinnie Fay go-wide.

Will cry inside (and honestly maybe a few tears escape on the outside.) if you board wipe. Not because her board presence is gone and she’ll need to rebuild but because you just killed Molly, Holly, Taylor, and every other token she’d given a loving name.

Warren Graham

Is THAT combo player. An absolute menace. What else were you expecting?

Maybe it’s just my bias against Warren showing here, but he’s definitely the kind of guy who goes “Oops! I win!” out of nowhere after just playing solitaire in the background for 5-6 turns to set up.

Still keeps some lower power stuff around in case people get too upset about it though.

Much like Chloe, doesn’t really have a preferred color combo. Unlike Chloe, he builds whatever he can optimize to a disgusting degree.

Usually wins game 1 pretty easily unless Max stops him but going into game 2 understands that he’s consigned himself to playing archenemy for the rest of the night.

His pet card is probably fuckin’ mana drain or panharmonicon or some shit idk.

Tune in next time for my thesis on why Victoria would play Queen Marchesa jk.

... unless.

#lifeistrange #lis #lis headcanon #max caulfield #chloe price #kate marsh #warren graham #lis imagines #magic the gathering #edh

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kirby-the-gorb · 2 years

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reply roundup!

we’re gonna try a new less structured/more casual format. (and then immediately forget about it for a month cuz a hundred other things needed my extremely limited energy...........)

I did read a lot of the tags and stuff and I still love getting to see them all! but I can only write and format so much these days :’(

on [the last roundup] @northeasternwind said: SJHDFKSDHFKJSDH THERE IT IS!!! YOU DID IT!!! YOU'RE FIVE STEPS AHEAD

lol I gotchu

on [wallpaper] @ceylonsilvergirl said: this is how I need to be living my life instead of whatever insanity is happening in reality. can things just be chill for 30 seconds!? I’m tryna sit down on this beanbag chair!!

right??? honestly it’s been A Fuckin Year dude, at least we can commiserate together lol

@softnoobgirl asked: April is atusim awareness/acceptance month and it can be really hard for atustic people because of all the atusim speaks and light it up blue stuff that basically tells us "ya we want you dead." As an atustic kirby fan it would make me super happy if you would draw kirby holding up a sigh with a blue puzzle peice crossed out and text that says "don't light it up blue, go red instead.

The world blue being in blue and the world red being in red. It would mean the world to me to see you support atustic people and not the organizations against us.

I think that would be a neat idea! (I’m actually autistic myself as well, so I’m like. totally with you on this. that does not guarantee I will remember come april, but I can at least tell you with confidence that it’s a good idea! it is totally okay to remind me of your idea with another ask in late march or april if you would like to.)

@autistic-sack-of-friends asked: the Kirby. it's gorby :> good job on the gorb!!!

thank you!!

@a-pansexual-she-them asked: Eats your art/pos

:0 omg thanks!

on [surprise nap] @ceylonsilvergirl said: If your body made you nap that means you needed a nap. Sorry to hear about the wonky sleep schedule tonight tho

lol I promise you falling asleep for an hour does not at all affect how likely I am to fall asleep again later. unfortunately.

@pourpresky asked: i’ve told you this before but i don’t know if you got my previous asks. i love this acc so much i love your drawings a lot. it brings me happiness it gives me serotonin i hope that you’re doing well everyday

aww thank you! I do remember you sending me a nice ask like this at least once before, although maybe my reply got lost in the clutter of the roundups >n< (not that this is any less cluttered...)

on [lights] @ceylonsilvergirl said: this is Christmas, but it’s also disco. and Kirby realizing he entered a skating rink. or a karaoke bar. yesterday someone asked me if Kirby was a girl or a boy, and I just had to be like “does it matter? will it change anything?’’ asker was a teenage boy so I don’t think he quite got it, but hopefully he’ll think about it

sometimes the most significant thing we can do is just plant an idea and give it time to grow. and kirby would be delighted to go to a rollerskating rink. do you think he’s really graceful or taking full advantage of his squishy marshmallow frame to pad his falls lol (also re: [wrapping paper opinions], I don’t really do a lot of birthday gifts or anything anyway but someday when we have space I want a few different rolls of solid color kraft paper so I can hand-design new paper every year because I am Craft Feral)

on [wrists] @northeasternwind said: I feel like you don't need this advice but please do the stretchies. be like Kirby's very stretchy body

my connective tissue is all fucked so my joints don’t really work the way they’re supposed to lol but as soon as I stopped working every waking hour my wrist stopped hurting overnight like, instantly, so *thumbs up* (thank you for your concern tho <3 )

on [struggle] @macro-microcosm said: good job making it through the year! happy you're still here. I hope things get better.

I was like, kinda surprised by how touched I was when I first saw this one. thanks for that.

I also think it’s so cute how every time I post a sleeping kirby so many people reblog it with some variation of either “me” or “god I wish that was me”

on [triumph] @chaosinanutshell said: YA KIRBO!!! Im almost done with all my assessments this week. then this thursday Im finally gonna have a break. IM ALMOST THERE!! Good job with all u did :DD

I took so long to write this that you already made it by now! I hope you get to do so many fun restorative things with your break! (I am reading lots of manga, which is restorative for me -u- )

on [love] @ceylonsilvergirl said: there are those times when you feel love so profoundly that it completely knocks you over. it’s really what’s keeping me going lately. I’m not getting paid, I’m working my ass off, but then someone says “I see you. I appreciate you. you’re doing a good job’’

honestly support is in all the little things. big gestures are great and all but they aren’t what keeps things going, it’s stuff like acknowledging the hard work you’ve done or making sure the hand soap is always full. Love Is Stored In The Small Everyday Kindness.

#reply roundup #text #title text #swearing #caps #northeasternwind #ceylonsilvergirl #asks answered #softnoobgirl #autistic-sack-of-friends #a-pansexual-she-them #pourpresky #macro-microcosm #chaosinanutshell #long post #readmore #ableism

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fruityuncleskeletor · 3 months

Note

It's really hard to feel bad for people with several million dollars in their accounts and thats just how the cookie crumbles. Like I know Katy Perry has had a rough going, but then I remember she recently sold part of her music rights for over TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS and I can't extend that much compassion anymore.

I could sit here and be annoyed at rich folks of all sorts 24/7. I am THAT salty.

But my takeaway from all this is that: - being financially responsible is very hard and NO fun, because my millennial brain tells me to always give in and treat myself, not caring about tomorrow, but sadly, in my case, I am Kitten and I am Daddy too. I know how empty my wallet is and will be and I refuse to go into debt to be even more miserable in the future than I am now. On one side I am crying because I want nice experiences and fun and on the other side I am crying because I would love to be able to offer myself fun and experiences and I can't. - there is a lot of shame woven into the culture of enjoying things. The whole "buy experiences not goods" can only be a thing if you have disposable income to begin with. I said earlier how I will feel left out because my friends will all get to see SKZ and I won't. But like, that's how it's always been. I haven't been on a holiday since 2009. I use my time off either to recover from work or to travel to my home country and listen to my parents be religious nuts and spew more hate than the previous time. I should be used to it by now (I'm not). I guess I am also like a rich person because I don't like paying for things. They're only nice if someone else pays for me and I don't have to worry about MY money leaving my wallet. - the way I allow myself to enjoy things, SKZ included, is rooted in some very unhealthy mechanisms which stuff like Bubble and fanfic and the fandom itself only encourage. The only reason why I am not suffering more actively is because not a single soul interacts with my writing and your asks are the first not-hate ones I received since joining the fandom one whole year ago. Until now, my writing and I used to be embraced and welcomed in every fandom. Maybe I've finally aged out of that hopeful life stage, and my pessimism is no longer palatable to younger people. Either way, that's been sad too and it's contributed to my overall despair. In the past, I always had friends to commiserate with about whatever hardships came my way, now I have no one who's as isolated and forced to be responsible as me. - the line "gave up my youth for my future" feels like a slap in the face for me because here I am - a straight A student who never partied, never did drugs, never got into trouble, only studied their ass off because the adults GUARANTEED ME that hard work pays off. Nowadays the people hiring are rich fucks who bought their diplomas online and who think everyone's diplomas are just as lacking in substance and therefore worthy of ridicule and dismissal. Earlier today I was telling a non-fandom friend that I feel I will leave my little SKZ group through the back door (heh) and quietly because I will feel too embarrassed being the only one who hasn't seen the boys live. But I am sure I will get used to that discomfort like I get used to a lot of uncomfortable things because I get more serotonin from having people to talk to than "enjoying fandom on my own" (which is some Gywneath Paltrow-level ignorant kind of advice). Honestly, I don't wanna dwell in the middle of anger, but outside of it is depression and that's even less appealing.

#ask #answered #rant

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chilljuicecbd · 4 months

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dlatitudepharmacy1 · 4 months

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eclipsecrowned · 6 months

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little future discord thread things i love for my t*vs

every time miruna is remembered as a hero who died trying to defeat the evil she created valas and ast*rion (her actual killers) make anxious eye contact unintentionally. somehow no one catches on to that glaring red flag.

sybelle as hell's belle: a glow up presented by following the man she loves into literal hell to help his bestie and to study with her idol who is in love with said bestie.

g*le establishing a wizard tower in hell to have a place to organize his thoughts and research into helltech... and also a place for his lady love to rest her weary head and have a shelter against the war that wages around them.

the fact he defends this tower from z*riel's minions by just flashing the orb and threatening to take out at least three levels of bataar.

the z*riel heist to try and fix k*rlach, which fails in what it set out to do, but a series of nat 20s does allow the party to fight and negotiate their beloved hellion out of a devil's service.

the unnerving realization that druids in their elven twilight years are aurelia's half-siblings, and that their mother measures her age in millennia, not centuries.

the fact hel's dad keeps stalking the party trying to recruit them for the brewing war with cyric only to keep just missing them. after every one-shot or mini campaign there is a guaranteed 'post credits' scene of loki rolling up hours to weeks too late to speak with the party.

ast*rion desperately trying to get his partner to realize the hot druid is trying to get with her. he wants this polycule so bad.

hel and h*lsin both becoming champions of their respective gods during the second campaign.

aurelia finally getting h*lsin to do owlbear from the top rope in a boss battle and deriving more serotonin in that moment than she did when her son hatched.

whole party conspiring to get valheart back together after they decided to 'take a break' at the end of the game proper. no one meddled in this romance the first time around and look what happened. you're both miserable.

dilf era valas and his abiding love for his son verun. he may not be blood but he is his daddy.

dilf valas also being slightly intimidated as his son's clear genius begins to manifest, because his four year old understands the concept of avante garde in his art and is expressing it.

insufferable sorcerer valas going into business with insufferable wizard r*lan. everyone loses.

sendings from verun at beautiful h*llowleaf farm with his friends buttons and us <3

sendings from xan at beautiful roseburn grove confused by fleshy material plane beasts <3

hel and aurelia conspiring on a devil's trap that will blow m*zora sky high if she shows up at the wybelle wedding. of course she does. and she goes flying.

the fact every other adult had serious misgivings about the 20 and 24 year old making it in the long term, only for wybelle to be the one that everyone is going to for relationship advice ten years later.

whole party appealing to logic in hel that 'your love and redemption stance did nothing to g*rtash, tell us in ten words or less it will work on other members of the church of b*ne.' guess what she still tries.

just the fact the final campaign is miruna revived and intent on scaling the throne of bh**l and the party having to deal with that however they're dealing with it --

#out of stories

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wellnessblogs · 6 months

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